#I loved it but I hindsight kind of a stupid choice

[trollhunted]

Oh boy, now that I'm done with the rewatch it's time to air out some of the grievances I have with the writing choices made regarding the antagonists...

Starting off a little more positive – Merlin's portrayal worked fairly well overall as this arrogant manipulative old jerk of a wizard, who may have noble goals but achieves them via not so honorable methods in the name of the greater good.

It was a pretty good bait-and-switch with the way the show had built up this image of the mysterious and benevolent mage, but left enough hints to his true character via little details that quickly turn sour in hindsight once you've actually met him. He's not a villain, but they did make him a decent morally gray character in the few episodes he's around.

However, I think he should've been held more accountable for his actions and behavior, especially when his grand plan doesn't work out because he was too wrapped up in his own head to see the truth.

That leads me to Morgana, the big evil "mastermind" of the show. I have to say, I love how utterly unhinged they made her in the first half of season 3, though she loses some of that by the end of it. I don't really have many complaints about her as a villain, but rather like to nitpick aspects surrounding her character and some missed potential.

Design-wise I find her a little lackluster as someone called "the Eldritch Queen" and while it definitely was a fun idea to contrast Merlin's dark armor with all that gold, I believe they missed the mark a little. They should've gone a step further and contrasted the design even more by giving it a creepy and organic direction. Her "armor" could've been more insectoid and reminiscent of bones or dead wood.

Also, a small thing that always bothers me are the green accents on her, when that was being established as Merlin's color. It does connect them visually in a way, but mostly just feels out of place to me. Now, about that missed potential...

As a queen of shadows, I would've liked if they'd played up her insidious nature a little more. As Claire, instead of immediately trying (and badly failing) to kill the Trollhunter, they should've dragged out the possession a little. She could've used this position to destroy the team from within, test their limits, tear them apart to weaken their will, only to have it all backfire with how much they trust and care for each other. It would've paralleled Angor's approach, because considering his background, he must've picked up these methods from someone, no?

Another writing point that bothers me is her imprisonment. No matter how you look at it, sealing an ancient evil sorceress inside (or even near) the heartstone – a MAJOR source of pure energy – just sounds like an all around bad idea. Wouldn't it make sense for her to feed on that energy? And even if not that, shouldn't you be worried about her corrupting it??

I get that from an animation standpoint it's an extremely convenient way to have everything happening in one place, so you don't actually have to set up so many new assets, but man... it's just kind of stupid lol.

Honestly the way I would've rationalized this whole deal is: instead of having her sealed up in Arcadia Oaks, California of all places (why did they even end up there?) she could've been imprisoned within the previous Trollmarket in europe. Her and Gunmar have tried to bring about the Eternal Night before and almost succeeded, which led to the battle of Killahead, where both were sealed away.

Imagine Gunmar and his forces had taken the old Trollmarket and used its heartstone for that spell, draining it in the process. Although they were stopped and defeated, Trollmarket was destroyed and their rock of sustenance dead, which would prompt the trolls to leave and seek a new home across the globe.

Merlin could've trapped Morgana in the empty heartstone as a way to contain her powers, using the last of his magic. Maybe the reason he was so sure she would be weak and easy to vanquish after her imprisonment is because he had intended to slowly syphon her energy to empower himself and never considered that she would figure out how to reverse the spell to drain him instead.

And to add some flavor to this location, Morgana's presence could've twisted the old Trollmarket into something eery and barely recognizable, giving others reason to avoid this place. It could've served to show the heroes what may become of their beloved Trollmarket if Gunmar wins, given them more incentive to fight for what they have.

That's just an idea though.

Angor Rot was always a big pot of missed potential to me and his return in season 3 just ended up feeling, well, hollow lol. He was introduced as a great antagonist but in my honest opinion kinda fell off the moment they destroyed his soul and just turned him into an angry beast. Besides the overall bad taste it leaves behind, we really didn't need a Bular 2. And it's a little annoying they somewhat continued with that direction even when he was revived and supposedly got his soul back.

I like that they cared enough to dig a little into his conflicting emotions given his history & enslavement, but these moments should've been brought up in the climax of the first season. He should've regained his soul back then and suddenly be forced to reconcile with the atrocities committed in the name of his mistress. His revenge on Strickler should've conflicted with his newly regained conscience...

And, oh man, Strickler is a bit of an annoying case. It's kind of absurd to me that they would choose to give this man an easy "redemption" while tossing around Angor's corpse like that.

Angor Rot literally had his soul and autonomy taken from him and while these actions definitely twisted him throughout the ages, at the end of the day it was never his choice. Strickler was in a somewhat similar situation as a changeling made to serve Gunmar, but the major difference is that he did have a choice. Multiple even.

Even in his predicament, Angor chose to offer the Trollhunter a deal to free both of them of Strickler's control. Whether he actually would've honored that deal is hard to say, but I think even if he'd betrayed Jim's trust, it would've made for a good opportunity to speak of who he used to be and what he's become, and have his first real choice in centuries be to spare them.

Strickler on the other hand is far more vile and self-serving at his core. At first you could argue that it's mostly the (very real) threat of Bular breathing down his neck that pushes him to harm Jim despite his soft spot for the kid. But when both Bular and Gunmar are out of the picture, instead of using this freedom constructively, he doubles down on killing the Trollhunter while finding every opportunity to get under his skin.

This man literally chooses to continue beefing with a teenager and don't get me wrong, I love it. Comedy aside, it is genuinely a fun exploration of his character and what makes him work as a complex personal antagonist. But the fun quickly stops when they try to rush him into a lackluster "redemption arc" to get him on the main team.

I'm aware that tons of people love the stricklake pairing and "lady x monster man" is very much a del Toro staple, but I really don't think Strickler should've been "redeemed" given everything he did, there should've been FAR more serious repercussions. It would've made more sense to me to put him in a "reluctant, not entirely trustworthy, sort-of-ally" position than suddenly have him be one of the Good Guys because... romance?

Not to mention the quality of their writing and characterization took quite a dip to mend their relationship and make said last minute romance happen. The drama surrounding it was cheesed up to such a degree it felt like they were putting on a play and didn't tell anyone.

Nomura's turnaround makes perfect sense narratively speaking because she was a straight-forward, impersonal antagonist, who only began to sympathize with the enemy when they were forced into the same position and she had nothing left to lose. She probably gave Jim a few nightmares, but the Lakes don't have anywhere near the number of reasons to hate her as they should with Strickler.

Oh and on the topic of changelings, let's get to the Janus Order. In my honest opinion, I think the Order was an overall waste. What made the changelings fun to me was precisely how they jumped between playing human and the cruel brutality of their monstrous nature. They weren't really a blend of these two worlds, but rather just putting on an act.

That's what made examples like Strickler, Nomura, and NotEnrique emotionally toeing the line of what it means to be human so interesting. Because they aren't human, but have learned to love the world they live in. And it's also what would've made Jim's transformation so strange/special, because he actually would've embodied joining those worlds.

The Janus Order both visually and narratively throws a wrench into that for no reason. (And don't get me started on the whole "evil, politically powerful organization secretly controlling the world" deal..........)

The way I could actually see a point to that direction, is if it had been a relatively inconsequential side-plot where the Janus Order is more like a small-scale cult of humans or even low-grade sorcerers worshipping the Pale Lady. It could've been a one or two episode issue that would've mainly served to build up some lore & foreshadowing surrounding Morgana, before she would've made her big entrance in the third season.

Ah... and even Gunmar could've been handled much better in the later seasons. Bular isn't a perfect character, but he serves his purpose as the introductory villain fairly well and for a kids show like that, it's a sensible execution.

Gunmar's character started out very strong – as the presumed endboss, they combined Bular's intimidation factor and Strickler's conniving nature with him and added some class as a millennia old monster warlord. It works fantastically. While that image falls a little here and there, his portrayal in the Darklands still makes sense as someone who seemingly lost all hope and resigned himself to his eternal prison... and even then he displayed a malicious sort of patience by wanting to break Jim's spirit instead of simply killing him.

So for that to quickly turn into an impatient old man, who just barks out threats and orders and blindly follows whatever anyone tells him the moment he's on the surface... it, well, is pretty disappointing. It's understandable for Bular, the younger and less experienced son, to be rash and impatient, but a warlord? That's a position that requires a ton of patience and tactical prowess.

I really wish they would've kept the way he was presented in the first season and give us this big villain who's not only physically scary, but observational and dedicated enough to send Chompsky back with a message saying he'll kill all those Jim holds dear for killing his son and then listing literally everyone the kid knows.

Plus, his origin as some kind of actual monster born from a corrupted heartstone should've been explored! They could've gone into that endless hunger he apparently displays, that would've made him consume countless living creatures and even drain the magic energy out of crystals...

Instead we ended up with Bular 2 again, but even worse somehow, and it just made Gunmar about as threatening as a parked truck.

[amygdalae]

My mom tasked me with picking out puzzles for us to work on over the holidays. well you're getting baby toss and industrial mill

[essektheylyss]

idk I kind of feel like I'm an idiot bc I actually enjoyed cr 3 from the jump to the end but like the blogs who follow bc I feel they are definitely more articulate and insightful than me are like "the whole thing was meaningless and pointless! matt fumbled everything!" so maybe I'm wrong to have liked it all? I'm not really sure where I'm going with this sorry

I think one thing to keep in mind is that many (and in fact, I would argue, most!) people who are critiquing the story and construction have also generally enjoyed the campaign as a whole! Certainly I don't know anyone who stuck it out through the end who did not overall enjoy watching it, for various reasons; I know there are people who hate watch, which I think is an absurd and honestly really stupid waste of time, but from my experience they are normally making snide and vicious tweet-length posts rather than long considerations of what isn't working for them.

There are also a lot of levels of critique—I've greatly enjoyed a lot of moments in isolation that I simultaneously felt weakened, contradicted, or even actively undermined the structure of the story as a whole, but those moments were still really fun and interesting beats. The Arch Heart's cameo comes to mind, as does, in hindsight, some of the construction of the post-Solstice split, but there are plenty of others of higher or lower impact on the story. In the finale the Raise Dead falls into this place very strongly, so I'm going to talk about it at length for a moment, since it was an absolutely stellar moment for me personally and as such I do think it serves as very illustrative of an example where I simultaneously fucking love a moment while finding it worth significant critique. I think it also touches on the critiques you're referring to, which I would summarize overall as the idea that many of the outcomes feel influenced negatively by pulled punches on the part of the DM rather than a flaw of one player or another. (Also, I want to talk about it cuz I love it. :3) This got very long but I think that to your point, it is worth examining in this amount of depth.

First, the good: it is an absolutely phenomenal culminating point of an arc that was only really concluded in summary; I have, as noted earlier this week, written at length about how Essek is never situated as a protagonist, which is functionally fine and even good. He ends up tied very strongly to Caleb's arc, and moves in the narrative in such a way after 2x97 that allows Caleb to reach a concluding note, and strengthens that narrative. So we only really hear about the outcome of Essek's choices, his inevitable leave from the Dynasty, in the summarization of the campaign 2 epilogue. This is not inherently a problem, because he is not a protagonist. But this moment does functionally create a material representation of that denouement, and in particular the tension between the outcomes of his poor choices and the better—potentially even good!—person he is trying to be as a result of the Nein's influence, which does strengthen his arc in its own right.

This moment also, hilariously, bears out my argument from this post. That the resurrection should only work with this intervention, particularly while the Nein are involved, does follow through on the Nein's general positioning within Exandria. Essek's leave happening without a fight (and, frankly, with only one attempted Counterspell) both makes for a very well-paced moment and also maintains the overall sense of story that the Nein impart when they are on screen; I'm thinking again of how their Ruidus episodes feel, much like their campaign and their post-campaign one-shots, like an intrigue action thriller series, and this fits well in that framing.

So overall, it is a fantastic moment... for the Nein. The Nein are not the protagonists of this story. They exist in the world, and are such active agents that they do continue to develop and exert motion on the narrative into this campaign, and frankly, I think this would have been fine if the party given ownership of this story and campaign did not abdicate their responsibility for it with unfortunate frequency. They do not exert a strong control over their story, which is at odds with the fact that the Nein do, and are present and also involved by the nature of their ending. It completely overshadows Ashton's heroic moment, in that the culminating action beat of this sequence is Essek getting away, which kind of takes the wind out of the sails of the Hells' involvement in the gods' outcome. It doesn't negate it, certainly, but it does refocus the story from them to, for some reason, Essek. So in this sense, it occurs at the expense of the Hells.

I find that while the handwaving of using dunamantic intervention to push Raise Dead beyond its limits (if indeed the reason it didn't originally work was because Ashton's brain was essentially gone) fits fine and even well within the framework of the Nein's story, and an NPC being able to do so without a roll is fine, since NPCs are vehicles the DM uses to guide the story, this is a significant divergence from the overall mechanics of the world at large; even the Nein had to do a full ritual for the resurrection of their tiefling. Matt put those mechanics in place specifically to create narrative meaning behind resurrections, which can feel very unmotivated and like a get out of jail free card in D&D, and while it's been noted that this would've really strained the runtime beyond its existing length, prioritizing it at the cost of, for instance, more truncated end notes for the Nein and Vox would've bolstered the Hells' presence in an ending to their own story that even many of their fans felt was ultimately lacking.

Giving the resurrection full weight would've also given Ashton's sacrifice and the Hells' involvement more narrative weight; the reason the other parties are involved at all is because the Hells were truly running on fumes by that point, but any lack of involvement this created could've been alleviated by having them directly involved through pre-established ritual elements that are not contingent on them having any mechanical offerings. So this moment sits within the context of critique that I agree with: that it felt like a pulled punch that ultimately also served to decenter the Hells within their own narrative, when it could've been used with more deliberate narrative force.

At the same time, I fucking love it, and watched it four times in a row yesterday, because it is so good—and it is, as I described, narratively and thematically coherent in one sense! And I think that is one issue of the campaign: many, many great moments are excellent and coherent in a certain framework but are weaker to varying degrees when considered as one piece of a larger whole. There are so many frameworks at play in this narrative, and not enough direct intervention to manage those as frameworks rather than as a single story, but at the same time, I think those frameworks are far more apparent if you're really looking for them, and that's much more difficult, if not impossible, when you're in the midst of them and telling the story.

I also don't think this means one cannot critique this; in fact, I would say this is more an issue of being a serialized narrative than an improvised one, which is often how critique of it has been pushed back against within the fandom. I was thinking about this as I'm currently in a course on, quite literally, how to critique comics, and we discussed this week how Marjane Satrapi said in an interview after making the film adaptation of Persepolis, which was first a serialized comic, that she ended up preferring the film, and I speculated that was because with a film, one has the ability to make a more cohesive narrative purely by virtue of the fact that with a serialized form, you cannot go back and make retroactive edits when new developments come to light. This is something that long-running comics must constantly navigate (as do many long TV shows), and in extreme circumstances such as decades-old comic franchises, ends up resulting in infinite timelines and hand-waving, which becomes so ridiculous that at this point it's a meme. In that scenario, though, it is not presented as a non-contradictory story, let alone a cohesive one.

Many of the critiques of campaign 3 are operating within the idea that this is presented as one overarching narrative. (And honestly, comics and other narratives that don't utilize that presentation are also still critiqued on that merit by people who greatly enjoy the texts they're critiquing anyway.) Within that context, I feel that the framing of the Raise Dead, as well as much of what would be my critique of the other pieces I referenced (the Arch Heart's cameo and some of the party-split sections) if I was to do the same kind of rundown of those, actively undermine this presentation by introducing and forefronting too many conflicting frameworks that are not interwoven well enough to create a single, cohesive overarching narrative.

This is a very long-winded way to illustrate my point, which is that I would really encourage reading critique not as a lack of enjoyment of the campaign, let alone a suggestion that no one should've enjoyed it (and if you did, then you're not smart enough to know better), but as a way to engage with the text(s) as presented within one framework or another. I think this is sometimes obscured in online fandom spaces, where we're not engaging in critique in as formal of a sense as one would in, say, an academic setting, where the norms generally dictate the framework one is using is explicitly stated if not fully delineated within the critique, but it is, more often than not, still implicitly present within the critique.

And as a final note, I would also really urge everyone reading others' opinions on something they enjoy to resist the urge to elide their own opinions from the conversation, even if you don't feel as articulate or as well-versed in critique. Critique is a trained skill, so it is certainly something one can pick up if they are inclined, and at the same time, someone doing it does not mean they are inherently right—and in fact, with all argumentative writing, it is up to the reader to consider the argument and decide whether or not they agree with it. (You can decide that you disagree with me about the Raise Dead! Just because I wrote a thousand words on it does not inherently make my interpretation truth; it's just an interpretation. You get to say whether or not you think my interpretation makes sense based on the evidence presented.) Even here I'm using the framework of some critique that others have made, but I don't delineate in full myself. In doing do I'm not presuming that you agree, but I am presuming that you've read it and know what I'm referring to. Strictly speaking it's also not even saying that I take that critique as true; it's saying that I feel the conclusions drawn are applicable as a basis for my argument. If you wanted, you could even say that you feel that my argument is irrelevant to you because you don't feel those critiques are true! But you ultimately do have to be the one to decide any of that, which does involve a balance between a confidence in the formation of your own opinions on the text and an openness to entertaining others'.

[twnkttank]

I’m an underweight skinny dude a few months into my journey of getting huge mostly because of your blog

It’s interesting how I even wasn’t into muscles and enjoyed being small until I found your blog and something changed in my mind, I just regret not starting my muscle journey earlier

Hey bro, relatable as fuck. I actually started writing a response to this earlier but it just got so long. I wonder how it's going for you, those newbie gains starting to burst in? Man I hope so.

Thanks for telling me, I fucking love that I helped awaken you, and thanks in advance for turning another twink into a bulging tank, one by one making the world a better place. As I said relatable af -- wish I'd started earlier myself.

When I was in hs and even after, I appreciated being "slender" and cute, all that. Not even BS -- it's awesome to be a cute innocent twink and part of that is how it feels as the musclelust first confuses you, sucks you in, spreads in you, grows in you... and then MUTATES you. Grows you. Unleashes the beast in you. Your fear of what'll happen to you turns to excitement -- can't fucking wait to see what i'll become. But, you're still you. This was always you, both the twink and the tank. At least, I am always both.

I wish I'd started tanking up earlier too. I couldn't take my mind off huge guys and imagining myself as one -- but it terrified me, I hid it from myself, blocked sites that could've helped me explode earlier. I was on a sports team and I actually sabotaged myself in workouts, afraid that once I started to grow I'd be so intoxicated I wouldn't want to stop.

It's a fear that's half valid. Yes starting to grow changes you and your priorities. FUCK it feels good. But, you're an adult. It's a childish fear -- an idea that you won't have control. Bro, you always have control. Not that it's easy (heck I have severe ADHD lol) but you DO always have a choice. If you want to stop the process and not explode into a beautiful fucking tank... you can. At any point. Question is do you want it to stop, bro?

I'm grateful af for things that helped get the ball rolling.One thing that really got the ball rolling in my corruption (or more correctly, correction) was, when I was 20-21, watching one of my friends go from an awkward lanky dude to a cocky fucker as his once loose shirts became tighter as he swelled up with mass. I couldn't stop thinking about what he was doing to himself. It was ugly I thought, but I wanted it, which terrified me. He actually probably noticed, there was one time while we were studying and kind of goofing off he whispered in my ear that I should fucking get big already, he could tell I wanted it. For a whole day after that I was completely unable to stop thinking about it (believe me, I tried), and I caved and rushed to the gym and tried to lift, you know BIG (I failed my sets, it was cute in hindsight, and a huge moment for me -- I wouldn't have done something that actually stupid if I didn't want it badly).

The internet also helped save me from my self sabotage. Thanks a ton guys, a lot of you who post, and/or exploded yourself. I'd still try to sabotage growth: I'm too busy, blabla. On the other, I figured out how to slyly convince myself to make sure I started to get what I needed: I would actually go for it in lifts, because it'd be "cute" to be toned (lol.); I'd start chugging protein powder, it would keep me from getting 'fat' by killing hunger. Creatine would help me focus. And then one day I saw it in the mirror. Still small af but when you come from total twink the first time you see muscles literally bulging out of your skin, even small ones... you feel fucking huge.

I'm feeling my pecs now as I rate this and gosh it feels so great. The way every size feels a bit different. It's a fucking journey. Hope more guys get to experience it. Hope yours is going well bro! If you are reading this and considering starting trying to get big -- dude, I ask you, please just give it a try. Some guys, really it is genuinely not for them? And you know what they do? They simply decide to stop, it's that easy. And others are so fucking grateful 5 years later as they feel all the awesome mass they worked to bestow upon themselves. Get huge bro.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Second Chance 1

Warnings: non/dubcon, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Characters: Jonathan Pine

Summary: You move into your parents' house as you try to rebuild your life, catching the attention of someone you never expected.

Part of the Brother's Best Friend Universe

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

It’s no glorious homecoming. You have little to be proud of. A broken relationship, a lost job, and wasted years. In hindsight, it’s easy to see how stupid you are. Even with the excuse of emotion, you can’t forgive yourself for your own poor choices.

Back to square one. Literally. What kind of forty-two year old lives with their parents? The one staring back at you.

You splash your face, rinsing away the collagen wash that doesn’t seem to help the wrinkles. If it had, maybe he wouldn’t have cheated. Maybe he wouldn’t be shacked up with a woman half your age. A girl, really.

You shake your head and sigh. Nothing you can do or undo.

You shut off the tap as you hear voices above. The basement is close enough to an apartment; you have your own bathroom and a reasonable amount of space. Privacy is another matter as your mother barges in to get to the laundry room or even just chatter about Clara’s casserole.

You dry your face and your hands and leave the bathroom. You cross the carpeted floor to the stairs and pause. Your brother must have got to town early and your parents are ecstatic to have him back. They can be proud of him; he’s an executive in a national company with a wife-to-be on his arm. Younger but always ahead of you.

You still haven’t found the courage to go up and say hello. Now’s as good a time as ever. You’re thirsty and they say hydration is the key to staying young. Yeah right, that’s not something you can change now.

You hope your future sister-in-law doesn’t mind your pajamas. The blue and white striped satin set are of the few nice things you salvaged from your former life. You open the door and shuffle up in your slippers.

The voices draw you to the kitchen. You peek around and find your parents standing on one side of the square island as your brother stands between two other figures. You didn’t think there was anyone else coming.

You think better of introducing yourself. You’ll go back downstairs and say you fell asleep. As you turn, your arm hits the vase on the side table. You cringe as it goes silent.

“Honey?” Your mother calls to you. You exhale and steel yourself.

“Uh, hi,” you sidle into the doorway, “I didn’t want to interrupt. I just wanted to get some water.”

“Nonsense, Jaydon’s here with his love fiancee, Tandi,” she trills as she beckons you forward, “and Jonathan popped in to catch up.”

You look around as you near the island. Jonathan. Pine? You didn’t think he was still around here. Everyone else seems to have moved on.

“Hey,” your brother, Jaydon grumbles.

“It’s so nice to meet you,” Tandi offers her hand with a bright smile. She’s tall and slim and beautiful and probably ten years younger than your brother. Why do men always do that?

“You too,” you give a strained smile.

“Nice to see you again,” Jonathan intones and you look at him, struck by his clinging eyes.

He changed but he is not unrecognizable. He was always the tall, stringy kid but he’s filled out, he has some lines across his forehead and around his eyes, but they only refine his looks. He used to just be your brother’s sidekick, now he stays straight and confident.

“You too, Jonathan,” you murmur, “sorry, I didn’t think you’d be here tonight.”

“We made pretty good time,” Jaydon says proudly.

“Just so happens I’m in town for a family affair as well,” Jonathan adds, “good a time as ever to reconnect.”

You nod and wait for someone else to speak. You have nothing exciting to boast of. You’d rather fade into the background in the shine of their achievements. You’re certain they’ve already been briefed on your comedy of errors.

“Me and Tandi were just saying we’d like to go to the farmer’s market tomorrow. You could join us for a ladies’ day out. We’ll give the men some space,” your mother chimes. “Get you out of the house.”

Her last comments sting. You’ve been hiding. You don’t want to be recognised or need to explain yourself. Even if you did deflect curiosity, you don’t need another reminder of all your failures. And the farmer’s market? What are you going to do there? You don’t have the money for overpriced heirloom tomatoes.

Still, you have to play along. That was the talk your mother had with you. Like a teenager she had to tell you exactly how to behave when company was there. Company? He’s your brother.

“Sure, that sounds good,” you agree.

“I’m so excited,” Tandi beams, “it will be nice to explore and get to know Jay’s hometown.”

She touches his arm and he promptly drapes it around her shoulders. Jay? He always hated being called that but he seems to like her. For now. Their show of intimacy makes you shrivel up inside.

“There is very much to see,” Jonathan quips, putting your own thoughts to words. “Quaint, as the polite would put it.”

“Well, I recall you never had any issue finding something to do,” your mother rebukes playfully and Jonathan smirks.

“Yes, but I don���t suppose it’s the sort of activity your little ladies’ day out would entail,” he gives a coy tilt of his head.

“I hope you’ve grown out of that,” your mother kids.

“Mm, I like to think I have,” he shrugs.

You’re certain he has. All of them are the adults in the room and you’re the hermit in the basement. You have no illusions, you know your mother, you know all your mistakes have been laid out on the table; on every table in town. Oh woe to her, she always did try to raise you right.

“Mm, yes, well, it has been so long and you are all adults,” your mother says, as if to affirm your resent, “you’ve all come such a far way.”

You bite down on your cheeks, holding your tongue. It’s probably not a snipe at you, you’re just sensitive. You look at the counter and try to make yourself small. The glimpse of your pajamas once more sets you apart from them. How embarrassing.

“Oh, yes, speaking of,” Jaydon pipes up, “the engagement party. You said you had a venue in mind. We should see that while we’re here.”

“Ah,” your mother nearly squeals, “you’re going to do it here?”

“We talked about it,” Jaydon looks at Tandi, “but the wedding is still up in the air.”

“Oh my, how exciting,” your mother trills. “Perhaps tomorrow then, we might do that as well,” your mother continues her giddy raving, “mm, and flowers, catering, oh! A dress…”

You could slip away right then. She wouldn’t notice. None of them would.

You peek over at her. She was never that excited for you. Well, you never got the ring. You were never that special. You tear your eyes away and they meet another pair. You quickly wipe the sadness from your face and send Jonathan a plaintive smile. His eyes narrow and his gaze lingers.

You break your own stare and try to focus on the conversation. You should be happy for your brother, not bitter. Afterall, you made your own mistakes, not him.

[askthemedbay]

Lore wise, I would have to know the lore of what happened to Pharma. What is shown is fascinating and love to know more! Your art and worldbuilding is really good, and I am happy to see more.

(OOC: Thank you for the kind comments!! And congrats, anon, you’re the winner of the first story post! It’s a bit lengthy, but I’ll do more of these if you guys like them!)

Ratchet was already growing suspicious by the time he noticed what Pharma had done.

No one could find that many willing donors that quickly, and morgue was filling up with cogless corpses.

It was stupid to believe Pharma, and he saw that now, just like he saw him drugging those sleeping bots. Those optics that would never open, that would never see their new home planet.

If only he was faster.

Ratchet adjusted his wrists. His new modifications hadn’t exactly settled with his original circuitry yet, making the joint feel bulky and slow. It would settle into its new purpose soon, though. It would see use soon.

Pharma hadn’t stopped stalking around the room since Ratchet agreed to leave, his pedes tapping rhythmically to every calculated step. Keeping up with quota drove him mad, Ratchet thought. No bot would think to kill a patient mid operation, to rip out their most precious organ and leave the corpse as an accident.

It was so stupid to believe him, in hindsight he was a fool. But that was hindsight, and this was now.

Ambulon stepped into the small room, and Ratchet pressed himself further against the wall. No one had noticed him yet, not even the keen-opticed trainee. He knew what Pharma planned to do to him. He felt all that Ambulon felt, and had heard Pharma’s mad ramblings late into the night. Yes, he was smarter than they assumed. The elder medic still had a functioning processor.

“You requested me?” Ambulon prefaced. Primus, he was only a kid. He was older than his own, but clearly not by much. That soft faceplate and hardly set jaw said enough. He’d only recently grown into that heavy plating.

Pharma ceased his pacing, looking at Ambulon with wild optics. That was not the same bot he once considered a friend, a colleague. That wasn’t Pharma, not anymore. Some kind of disease had wormed its way into his processor. It bastardized him. Turned him into… into…

Ratchet didn’t blink. His optics were tuned in and focused. That’s how fast it was. Though, seekers moved quickly under stress, didn’t they? Pharma raised his servo, which quickly turned into a loud, screeching engine.

Ambulon wasn’t stupid. He also made it through grueling medical academies before the war ruined his chances of a real certification. At least he was there to teach the poor kid… the long and short of it, he’d figured it out quite a while before Ratchet had; wether the circumstances were some sick twist of fate or not, the kid’s safety was his greatest concern. And for good reason. “Pharma..? What are you doing?”

Ratchet wasn’t nearly the fastest bot on the Ark, but he had some good days. This just happened to be one of those. Though, not nearly as fast as Pharma was in drawing his weapon of choice, Ratchet flung himself at the other medic.

They landed in a pile of scraping frames and harsh curses, tussling on the sterile ground of the medbay. Pharma, while lithe and agile, was no match for the bigger mech, but he was certainly trying. He waved his saw around like a mad mech, almost grazing Ratchet’s crest multiple times.

If any time was good to test his new ability, now was that time.

Ratchet raised his new, awkward servo, and revealed its purpose. The plating snapped away easily, revealing about a dozen tinier cables, ones that almost resembled those Soundwave used to disable his enemies before he went for the kill; but these were far more humane.

He fought for a better hold. Ratchet pushed Pharma onto his front, unwilling to listen to his screams. Not anymore. His free servo held his saw-wrist down, while he placed his modification on that practiced place. Ratchet closed his optics, focusing his power into controlling those smaller tendrils.

Pharma yelped, then that yelp turned into stupefied groans. When Ratchet returned to himself, the cables had snaked up the back of Pharma’s neck and into the thin gap between the heavy protective plating and connective wires. He was cradling his processor now. Subduing him manually. Finding the small nodule at the back of the processor, Ratchet watched the light fade out of Pharma’s optics.

He was not offline, not entirely, but he would be in stasis for some time. Just enough to get him locked up in the Ark’s brig.

Ratchet released soft vent, his internal fans clicking on as he carefully removed his processor-scrambling equipment. He stood, only now noticing that Pharma… he’d definitely hit him. The glass panels of his chassis were shattered, and he was coated in pink, purified energon. But that wasn’t his greatest concern.

Ambulon was frozen in place, like he’d gone to recharge standing up. He couldn’t speak, only opening and closing his intake stupidly. Ratchet stumbled to him, grabbing his shoulders roughly and squeezing. “He didn’t do anything to you, did he?”

When Ambulon shook his helm no, Ratchet cycled his vents with relief. He pulled the young bot into his arms, trying to comfort him. “You’re okay, kid. You’re safe. Go… go take the next decacycle off. Please.”

“Yes, sir..”

He always was quite good at taking orders.

(OOC: Once again, I’ll do more story posts if you guys like them! Have some related sketches too)

[bookdragon-shenanigans]

I just read the fourth wing bonus chapter and MAN. I knew I wasn't Xaden's biggest fan before but MAN. I honestly don't even know how they ruined a character with so much potential is beyond my understanding???? Xaden is straight up unlikable in the chapter. So many issues in the chapter.

[Caution: Listen, I love Xaden, truly. But he really makes me want to beat him up I'm sorry]

Opinions so far: (Warning: This is not Xaden-friendly I might be a major bitch for 80% 😭)

The chapter felt kind of unnecessary?? Like even if it was a cash grab (which I agree but that's not the point rn) did we really need a bonus chapter that's just the same chapter but just rewritten with some occasional Xaden comments? We could've gotten a new interaction but noooo

With the amount of obsessing talking Xaden does about Dain, you'd think Dain was the one he has a crush on. No because stop this you're literally doing the same thing you accuse everyone of doing to you. "Everyone judges the marked kids just because of what our parents did 🥺🥺👉👈" ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU'RE DOING RIGHT NOW??? Why are you being such a pissy bitch over the fact that he thinks you're bad for her when you literally agree???. [Coherent me update: In hindsight Xaden going out of his way to annoy Dain for entertainment is hilarious not gonna lie. Still think he was being a bitch tho]

The Imogen was missing plotline. Seriously? "Imogen was sick"?? They could just be like oh no she wiped everyone's memories so they don't remember because there is zero canon connection in her being sick. Also the fandom was spot on 💅. To be fair, I can excuse this one.

Xaden's "strategy". Why are we acting like battle strategy is a multiple choice question with one answer??? Where is the common sense?? Where is the individuality??? Where is the originality???

I just noticed this now but WHY IS THE CONTINENT THEY LIVE IN LITERALLY CALLED The Continent???? WHY ARE THEY ACTING LIKE THEY LIVE ALONE IN THE WORLD HELP

FINALLY Emery's last name

Okay I actually like passively possessive simp Xaden because let's be fr he's not noticing anyone other than Violet. He's really acting like the stupid hormonal emo 23 year old he his and I love him for that.

Xaden not understanding sibling dynamics is top tier I love this. Like this man is standing there so confused like 🧍‍♂️.

Highkey confused at the Lewellen part because I'm pretty sure they were fostered by Lindell?? Either this is shitty writing or a case of an unreliable narrator. Who knows. Not me.

SGAEYL. THAT'S IT. 🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐

"Violet would get over her sister's death eventually" CALM TF DOWN SIR. This is a civilized conversation. Okay but like someone needs to tell these people that murder doesn't solve everything. It's not even the best form of revenge 😭😭😭

I need more backstory on the Cygnis flier drama. Why only that province??? How come other provinces are safe??

"Wasn't my choice," I shrug. Lying is easy, except when it comes to Violet. I haven't quite figured that one out yet. Excuse me what

Okay, I know this is OS buildup but why were the wards down???

"Was it us?" LIAM. MY SWEET BABY BOY ILY YOU'RE THE BEST.

Okay I just realized now that Dain only name drops Rhiannon, Ridoc and Sawyer when he mentions the first years and man how did I not notice that before-

Lots of suspicious stuff. Lots.

IT HAS COME TO MY NOTICE THAT THERE IS A VERY HIGH AMOUNT OF MIRA DYING MENTIONED IN THE CHAPTER AND I DO NOT LIKE IT AT ALL

The bottom line is that I've read too much fanfiction and set my standards too high 😭😭

Anyways stan Liam my sweet summer child 🛐🛐

Update: I just came back from my exam and took a look at what I wrote here and help why was 5am me so salty 😭😭

[the-cult-of-riley]

Sleeping With Ghosts (Act One: Chapter Three)

Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Female OC

[[Masterlist]]

A/N: We finally get some Charlotte POV! I hope you guys are enjoying this story so far. It's gonna be a long ride lmao

Placebo - Purify

Spacial awareness. So much confusion And it's so difficult to harness But then I look at you, nimble and righteous And then I look at the floor: we made a fine mess

My kiss Can you feel it yet? In the back of your legs? And on the nape of your neck?

Are you a temple? Are you a temptress? There's too much choice, the possibilities are endless So wash away my sins, give me catharsis! Re-magnetize my moral compass

My kiss Can you feel it yet? In the back of your legs? And on the nape of your neck?

Your touch, I cannot regret! I love the shape of your mouth and the back of your head

You're so my kind Erotic and divine! I gotta testify To how you purify

To me you're more than a human You're more complex You're like a fallen angel Who uses God as a hex

My kiss Can you feel it yet? In the back of your legs? And on the nape of your neck?

Your touch, I cannot regret! I love the shape of your mouth and the back of your head

You're so my kind Erotic and divine! I gotta testify to how you purify

The next morning, Charlotte woke up with her body aching. Her bleary eyes fluttered open, confusion washing over her at the unfamiliar room in her sleepy state. Someone lay behind her, but the arm over her waist felt heavier than what she was used to. She glanced down at it, seeing a thick forearm draped over her naked body, sheets pooled at her hips. Ah yes, Simon. How could she forget someone like him? 

She felt so many things at once as she remembered the mind blowing night she'd had with him. It had been an experience and she was 100% positive that he'd ruined her for other men now. She wasn't quite sure she'd ever find someone who could make her feel like he had. It had been way out of character for her to just go home with a stranger and in hindsight, he could have been a serial killer or something. Yet there had been something so alluring about him that at the time, she figured it was worth taking that risk. 

The idea that someone as devilishly handsome as Simon was remotely interested in her made her head spin, but the night before proved he was indeed interested. She had no idea what it all meant if she was honest, so out of her depth that it made nerves bloom in her belly. Just because he allowed her to stay the night didn't mean he wanted her to stick around, maybe he just didn't want her walking home late at night. She really hadn't expected to find herself here when she'd ran out of the club after catching her boyfriend and best friend eating each other's faces in a bar. 

The thought of Ethan made all good feelings leave her body in an instant. She wasn't stupid, she knew the relationship was on the outs and she'd been just as guilty about not doing anything to try and resolve it. The betrayal however, was another story. She'd known Jessica since she left school and got her very first job. It had been at Asda and Jessica, one year older than Charlotte, had taken the girl under her wing. Even after Jessica left to go work at an estate agent’s and Charlotte left to bounce around from shitty job to shitty job, they'd stayed best friends. Even when Charlotte had met Ethan a year later, she made sure to never neglect her as a friend and now she finds out they'd been seeing each other behind her back for over a year. Conveniently around the time that jobless Ethan had accepted a job working with Jessica. She should have known then something was up, given the lazy piece of shit was happy to not work and live in Charlotte's tiny studio apartment for free. 

She knew she needed to go back and pack up all his shit. That was her place, no matter how shitty it might be and she wasn't having him mooching off her anymore, not now she knew the truth. Her stomach churned at the thought of him already being there when she got home. She really didn't want to see him. She wasn't even sad their relationship was over, if anything it was kind of a relief getting rid of him. She hadn't been happy in a long while, but all the lying to her face when the pair of them were probably laughing at her behind her back stung deeply. 

A large part of her wanted to stay in bed, wrapped in Simon's arms. He was so warm and comfortable and she couldn't remember the last time she'd enjoyed someone's company so much, let alone a technical stranger. She knew she had to put her big girl knickers on though. She needed to get home before Ethan (hopefully) and get rid of his shit so she could get closure. She lamented the fact that she probably wouldn't see Simon again. She couldn't bring herself to wake him to say goodbye, too embarrassed in case he wanted her to slip out without a trace. 

She gingerly moved his hand off her, sitting up and swinging her legs over the side of the bed, glancing around the room. Her eyes flit to her dress that was in a heap on the floor, her knickers across the room and her boots neatly near the bed, socks tucked in them. It was so sweet it made her sigh deeply at the idea of it being a one off. Ethan had never taken such care of her and she wasn't just thinking about the earth shattering orgasms she'd been given either. As much as she'd had fun, she had to go back to reality. 

She sat there for a long moment just thinking about how quickly her life unravelled. She was stupid for thinking it was ever put together in the first place, she should have known better. She was startled out of her miserable thoughts when a large and warm hand settled on her bare back. Her head whipped to the side, seeing Simon laying on his side, watching her carefully with sleepy eyes and a hand tenderly on her back. 

“What's on your mind, love?” He rasped, voice thick from sleep and her heart faltered in her chest for a moment. Who the hell was this man and how dare he exist. Why did he sound like he actually cared? He still looked as handsome as she remembered him, even mussed from sleep, and she found it completely unfair since she probably looked like a troll right now. 

“Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you,” she deflected quietly, giving him a sheepish smile. 

“It's alright…” he replied as his dark eyes glanced over her face in a way that made her feel warm. He sat up, scooching over to sit closer to her with his hand still pressed against the skin of her back. His thumb moved in small circles, a soothing motion that she leant into. His other hand came up to her face and it made her stomach clench almost painfully as he cupped her cheek, moving her face to look at him as those deep brown eyes seemed to assess her. 

She felt like she could get lost in those eyes. They were so dark, yet up close, she could see how rich they were. Hues of green and amber catching in the light of the morning that shone through the window. Her stomach felt funny as they stared at each other, a sensation similar to the time she went on a rollercoaster for the first and only time. 

“I should… I should go home,” she murmured regretfully. She really didn't want to leave but she didn't want to make this more awkward than it needed to be. She felt something between them but for all she knew, he didn’t feel the same way. Why would he? He was so stupidly handsome it was almost painful and she hadn't been enough to keep her ex interested who was average on the best of days. The only reason she latched onto Ethan was because she was young and desperate to feel cared about, never having felt affection in her miserable life. Simon's hand dropped from her face at her words and her stomach dropped. That warmth in his eyes never left though, the hand on her back still glued to her.

“Alright,” it was a simple word and his tone was slightly guarded. She wondered if she was imagining the disappointment she heard, or maybe she was projecting. 

“I need to pack up all of… his things. I don't really wanna deal with him but I want him out of my apartment,” she explained, careful with her wording as she remembered his reaction the night before to her using Ethan's name. 

She cringed inwardly remembering it, feeling heat nip at her cheeks. She couldn't believe she turned into one of those people. The ones that mention their ex when in bed with someone new. He'd seemed angry about it and maybe it shouldn't have turned her on a little, the way his eyes had flared dangerously, how his tone turned hard. 

The hand on her back slid up and up and up, all the way to the back of her neck until it was on the base of her skull, his fingers tangled in her hair, fingertips rubbing her scalp and she was powerless to stop the delighted hum from leaving her lips. Her head tilted back, pressing against his fingers more as her eyes fluttered closed. A cat getting a head rub. 

A noise rumbled in the back of his throat. It was rich and deep but she could spare no thought on translating what it meant when he was massaging her head like this. It was such an affectionate gesture and she was soaking it up greedily. 

“Want me to come with?” He asked simply and when she opened her eyes, head still tilted back against his hand, he was watching her with rapt attention. 

“Like a bodyguard?” She asked with a wry smile, watching how his lips quirked up ever so slightly.

“Somethin’ like that,” he replied, removing his hand and causing her to pout. 

“I couldn't ask you to do that. You've probably got better things to do than be my emotional support handsome stranger,” she sighed and he snorted at her, shaking his head.

“Not askin’, I'm offerin’... And I'd like to think after last night that we aren't strangers,” he murmured and his eyes quickly swept over her still naked form in such a way that she felt a deep heat spread into every part of her body. 

“I guess you're right. You played my body like a fiddle, got to know me pretty well,” she mused softly, a mischievous smile tugging at her lips. He chuckled at her as he moved around her off the bed and she could do little else but stare at him in all his glory. 

He was built like a god. Like one of those marble statues of Greek gods that belonged in a museum. Her eyes raked over his broad back as he went about getting himself some clothes, her eyes dragging all the way down to his firm arse cheeks. The sudden urge she had to sink her teeth into them made her cheeks flush. 

“See somethin’ you like, love?” He drawled knowingly as he turned back around. He had a clean pair of boxers in his hand but she was more engrossed in his ridiculously large and hard cock that seemed like it was staring at her. How that had fit inside of her was beyond her.

“Do you?” She countered quickly, a teasing tone to her voice as she trailed her eyes back up to his face. 

“See somethin’ I really like,” he answered easily, eyes roaming over her as his expression turned wolfish. 

She stood from her place on the bed, padding over to him and enjoying the way fire burned bright behind his deep dark eyes. She wasn't sure where this confidence came from, how he instilled such confidence she wasn't used to. He watched her intently as she stopped in front of him, dropping to her knees with a dull thud that was muted by the carpet. He didn't say anything but she saw how his breathing hitched as she looked up at him through her lashes. 

She wished she could come up with something sexy to say but this whole thing was far too new for her. It didn't come naturally to her like it seemed to do for him. Instead, she decided to just go for it and grasped his throbbing cock, leaning forward to lick the tip teasingly. He let out a low moan, his hands going to her hair as he gathered it out of the way in a makeshift ponytail in his hands. 

“Fuckin' hell,” he murmured quietly and her lips tugged up a little. There was something so powerful feeling about making a man like this weak for her. She kept her eyes on him as she properly took him into her mouth. He was so long and thick, there was no way she'd be able to take him in all the way. The moan he graced her with made her wet instantly and she wasted no time in bobbing her head up and down on him. She used her hand to cover the base, where he was just too big for her to reach. She loved watching his face as she pleasured him. His jaw was hanging open, a blissful look on his ruggedly handsome face. 

“Such a good girl, love,” he praised in a low voice and she moaned around him, the warmth of his words making her pick up her pace and suck on him more greedily. He gasped, hips bucking into her mouth a little as his grip on her hair tightened. 

“Fuck… ain't gonna last much longer if you keep that up,” he rasped. She wasn't sure if it was a warning to slow down or keep going, but something curled in her belly at the thought of having him at her mercy like this. To be the one making him feel so good. To make him lose his control. She wanted to make him cum, wanted to blow his mind like he had hers. 

She took him in as deep as she could, eyes stinging with tears as the tip hit the back of her throat and it spasmed around him. He let out a desperately loud moan, sounding surprised by the sudden sensation but it seemed to be all she needed to do to push him over the edge. He pushed on the back of her head a little, forcing her on his cock for a moment longer as he gasped, pumping into her as he spilled himself down her throat and she swallowed every drop. 

He used the grip on her hair to pull her off him the second he was done, allowing her to catch her breath. She hadn't expected the roughness at the end but she felt how slick between her thighs was. She'd really enjoyed it. Her chest heaved as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, a burning feeling stirring inside of her at the look he was giving her. The hold on her hair loosened and he rubbed his fingers on her scalp soothingly, his heavy lidded gaze turning her inside out. 

“You're bloody perfect,” he mused and she felt the blush creep up her entire body at his words, a shy smile on her lips. No one had ever called her perfect before. She knew it wasn't true, no one was perfect. Not even Simon, who she was sure was as close to perfect she'd ever seen, was perfect. It was an impossible standard to be held to. Yet when he said it, he sounded like he meant it and it made her stomach clench. 

His hand let go of her hair, hand trailing to her cheek before his thumb swiped over her lower lip. She could do little else but stare up at him from her place on the floor, as if she was in a trance. He pulled away, grabbing her arm and tugging her to her feet. She felt drunk almost and she wasn't sure just what about this man made her feel this way. The feeling only intensified when he leaned down, his lips hovering over hers and making her feel desperate to feel them.

“Your turn, love,” he purred, still denying her the kiss he was dangling in front of her. 

“You don't have to,” she replied, leaning on her tiptoes to try and chase his lips but he pulled away. His eyes narrowed a little, head tilted as he looked at her. She could tell he was about to argue with her so she cut him off before he could try.

“Really, it's fine. It was payback for last night,” she shrugged but his eyes only narrowed more.

“You not want me to?” He asked, a wariness to his tone that made her brows furrow. The moistness between her legs was proof enough that she did want him to. 

“It's not that… I just… you don't need to. I don't expect it. I don't wanna be-” she started rambling sheepishly.

“A burden?” He cut in knowingly and her mouth snapped shut. She wondered just when this basically a stranger figured her out so well. It was disconcerting. She gave him another sheepish smile as she blinked up at him.

“Maybe,” she snorted self deprecatingly and he rolled his eyes. His hand went to her throat but it wasn't tight. She could feel her pulse fluttering against his hand as he used his gentle grip to crowd her to the wall, pinning her against it. She stared up at him like he was the second coming of Christ, unable to tear her gaze away. 

“You want me to touch you, sweetheart?” He asked roughly, still denying her the kiss she wanted. His face was dangerously close to hers and she felt her heart quicken at his words and tone. The desire to tell him he didn't have to was dulled to silence as her body flared up at his touch. She nodded, lips parted and pupils blown wide as she blinked up at him.

“Need your words, Charlotte,” he demanded and it only made her clench her thighs together tighter. 

“Yes… please,” she whispered, remembering her manners since he was about to do her a favour and all. 

His eyes darkened at her plea, the hand not wrapped around her throat trailing down her body until he reached between her legs. She parted them for him as if on instinct, a soft gasp leaving her lips as his fingers toyed with the slick waiting for him.

“So needy, love,” he drawled and the roguish smirk on his face made her knees feel weak. He sounded so smug about her reaction to him. Her head hit the wall with a quiet thud as she moaned, feeling his fingers rubbing slow circles around her clit. It was enough to make a wave of pleasure rush over her like a stream of water but not enough to push her to the roaring rapids she knew were waiting for her. 

“Simon, please,” she begged helplessly, writhing against his hand to desperately search out more friction. He was such a tease and he was good at it. 

“Gotta tell me what you want,” he ordered, his breathing ragged as he watched her squirm against him and the wall, her face flushed and eyes wide. She opened her mouth a few times, finding it hard to form the words. She didn't like asking for anything but she guessed that was the reasoning for his torture. As if he could see the struggle on her face, he spoke again.

“Can't help you if you don't tell me,” his tone was teasing, goading, and she whined, squeezing her eyes shut.

“Please,” she whispered, feeling the heat burning her cheeks. She felt him lean in, his lips brushing the skin of her cheek.

“Please what?” He smirked against her and she wanted to hit him, but the feeling of his fingers lazily toying with her clit had her helpless to his mercy.

“Please go faster. Please make me cum,” she asked quietly, embarrassment burning through her entire being. He moaned though, the noise soothing the wounded ego she was suffering and she didn't have time to think about it because then he was rubbing fast circles around her clit. She was so soaked that his fingers glided effortlessly over it, so much pleasure washing over her so suddenly that she gripped each of his wrists so she didn't collapse into a heap. Pure relief tinged her loud moans, eyes closed and mouth hanging open as she relished in the feeling. 

“See what you get when you just ask?” He asked darkly and when her eyes fluttered open, he was staring at her with rapt interest as she trembled against him. She was so close, she felt like she was dangling off the edge of a cliff, waiting to plummet to the bottom. 

“You need to stop seein’ yourself as a burden, love. You’re special. You should be worshipped and treated like you're made of gold,” he murmured against her lips and his words pushed her over the edge roughly. She cried out, her whole body tensing as the pleasure crashed over her like a tidal wave. She could barely register her needy moans over the roaring in her ears. 

He kept touching her until her body slumped and she was glad when he removed his hand instead of overstimulating her. She felt like she didn't know what planet she was on and it wasn't helped when she watched him suck his fingers clean like he had the night before. His words snuck under her skin, working their way throughout her body and taking root inside of her. She once again asked herself just who the hell this man was. 

“That was…” she trailed off with a soft hum, a delighted and content smile curling on her lips and it made him chuckle. 

“Think you learned your lesson, then?” He asked, tucking some of her hair behind her ear.

“Probably not. Might have to teach me again at some point,” she replied cheekily and he shook his head with a snort. Finally, he graced her with the kiss he'd been teasing her with and she melted right into him. It was slow and sweet this time and she enjoyed it. Enjoyed the warmth it stirred in her chest. When they pulled away, he watched her for a moment before taking a step back and she instantly missed his warmth.

“I don’t suppose you have anything I could wear? Feel like the walk of shame might be a bit too obvious in that,” she snorted, gesturing to her dress on the floor.

“Nothin’ that’ll fit you, but I’ll see what I can do,” he murmured, flashing her a smile that left her breathless. Fuck, he was so pretty. She watched as he slipped into his own clothes, some jeans and a black long sleeve tee that clung to him in all the right places. Her eyes were studying him intently as he reached in his bedside drawer, grabbing something that caught the light as he slipped it over his head. Dog tags. 

“You're a soldier?” she asked, surprised. She wasn't sure why it shocked her, it made perfect sense now she thought about it. He glanced back over his shoulder at her as he rummaged in his drawers for something she could wear and she decided to at least slip on her knickers while she waited. She could change them when she got home. 

“Army. Been in for five years now,” he supplied and she detected a hint of pride in his voice that made her smile.

“That's impressive. I don’t think I'd last two minutes in the army. I’d probably cry if they told me I made my bed wrong,” she remarked dryly and he huffed a laugh at her, walking over with a bundle of clothes in his hands. 

“Bit sensitive, yeah?” he asked playfully and her cheeks flushed as she smiled with a nod. She was sensitive, she couldn't help it. Life hadn’t been kind to her and it left her self esteem in the minus column. She couldn't handle criticism well, always felt like a personal attack. 

“Maybe,” she grinned and he smiled fondly at her. She took the clothes, examining what seemed to be a pair of black sweatpants and a large black t-shirt. He wasn't joking, they wouldn't fit her, but she'd make them work. She could tighten the drawstring on the pants and tuck the bottoms into her boots and the t-shirt would just have to swamp her. She’d look silly until she got back to her place.

“Thank you,” she murmured gratefully.

“Don’t need to thank me,” he shrugged, leading her out of the bedroom and showing her where the bathroom was. 

Once he left her to it, she looked in the mirror and shook her head at herself. Her hair was all over and she didn't have anything to detangle it. She thought it was unlikely Simon had a comb or brush since his hair was so short. She used her fingers to untangle it the best she could and made it somewhat presentable. Then she gave her face a little clean. Luckily she wasn't wearing foundation as she splashed water on her face. She didn’t like wearing the stuff, it always sat too cakey on her skin so she never bothered with it. It was more eye make up she did to make her eyes pop more. She gingerly wiped around her eyes with some tissue paper she wet in the sink to make her eyes less like raccoon chic until she felt a little less of a mess. 

A dark bruise sitting low on her neck caught her eye in the mirror and she felt a burning warmth settle in her belly as she gingerly touched it. Seeing his mark on her made her feel a lot of things, things she wasn’t quite used to and didn't know how to process. Slipping his clothes on, they felt so cosy and snuggly, the pants were massive on her but she tightened the string and stuffed her feet in the combat boots after getting her socks on. They didn't look too bad after that. The t-shirt hung off her small frame, almost looking like a dress. 

She glanced at the bandada that had somehow stayed on her arm this entire time. Untying it, her arm didn't look too bad, not as bad as she thought it might. It still touched her how he’d looked after her at the bus stop, worried something bad had happened to her. “I’ve heard that before.” He must have known someone who’d been abused before by his words and it was touching to know Simon was out here looking out for vulnerable strangers if they needed it. 

Eyeing her still kind of unruly hair in the mirror, she used the bandana like a headband, folding it up and then tying it around her head. She wasn't too bothered with the small bits of dried blood that would be on it, she hadn't been bleeding that bad anyway. Feeling tons better, even if she probably looked ridiculous in his clothes, she stepped out after doing all her business. 

She made her way to the living area, glancing around the space after only getting a small glimpse the night before. She gravitated to the thin quilt over the back of the sofa just like she had the first time she’d seen it. It was handmade, clearly hand quilted. She wondered what it was like to have someone care about you so much to make something for you. Wondered who in Simon’s life cared for him so much. Her eyes wandered over the few pictures on the walls, noting what looked like his mother in some pictures. Maybe it was her. There was another man in the pictures too, younger looking than Simon but not by too much. 

She took in what she presumed to be his family before her feet moved her around to near the kitchen. Simon’s apartment had an open plan living area and kitchen, the bathroom and bedroom behind respective doors for privacy. On the fridge was a scan, held up by a magnet. She wondered who the baby belonged to. Was it the younger man and the woman he’d had his arm around in one of the pictures? She couldn't help the curiosity, suddenly wanting to know so much about the random man from the bus stop. 

“Put your dress in an Asda bag. Was all I had,” Simon uttered, walking in from his bedroom. He held out the Asda bag, her dress folded neatly inside, but before she could take it, his mouth snapped shut, eyes darting all over her freshly dressed body. 

“You look…” he started slowly, his voice a mere growl, and she felt heat sweep up her entire being.

“Stupid, I know,” she snorted, trying not to feel too self conscious as she took the bag from him with a sheepish smile.

“Not the word I’d use,” he rasped and there was something rich and dark about his tone that made her blink up at him for a moment. 

She was about to ask him what word he would use then but he gripped her jaw, crashing his lips to hers with such force that she yelped. She clung onto his shirt as he pushed her against the wall. It was so primal, so desperate and she surrendered herself to him instantly, kissing him back as she clutched his shirt. Simon was so animalistic she’d learned in the short time she’d known him, something so viscerally primal that it made her DNA scream out for him. She hadn't expected this reaction from her being in his clothes, she didn't think she looked overly sexy in a baggy t-shirt and pants way too big. When they finally separated so they could breath, she could feel the heat burning her cheeks as she looked up at him demurely. 

“Should wear my clothes more often, love,” he murmured lowly and she couldn't help the shy smile that tugged at her lips. She couldn't remember ever feeling so desired before and she was quickly becoming addicted to the feeling. You’re special. You should be worshipped and treated like you're made of gold. Part of her was wondering if Simon was even real or if he was a figment of her imagination after all the shit she’d been through. 

He placed a sweet kiss to her forehead that she hadn't expected and it made her smile widen. She wouldn't have pegged him for the affectionate type yet he kept giving her little affectionate touches that made her heart pick up. 

“Shall we get goin’, then? I’d offer you breakfast but I’ve not got owt in,” he gave her a sheepish look and she gave him a shrug.

“It’s alright, I’ve got some bacon that needs eating in the fridge at home, could eat some bacon butties right about now,” she grinned impishly. The look he gave her almost made her laugh, it was so comical. He looked at her so hopefully, like the prospect of some bacon butties was the best thing he’d been offered in his life.

“Suppose I could make some for you too, say thanks and all that,” she added with a smirk and he rolled his eyes playfully with a smile.

“Charmin’ you are,” he huffed teasingly and she laughed. He was easy to be around and she liked that. It was easy to forget she’d only met him the night before. 

[tarisilmarwen]

Rebels Rewatch: “Spark of Rebellion”

With the Ahsoka show coming up here in August, I have just enough time for a full refresher so, you know, I Might As Well.

This is going to be different from my normal liveblogs, obviously, less real-time reactions and more commentary and meta analysis, though you’ll probably still get some incoherent nerdery and feelings spew here and there.

All right, let’s get into it.

You know with the benefit of hindsight, Vader’s speech to the Grand Inquisitor here is actually a perfect encapsulation and summary of the premise of the show.

“Hey so the Jedi are dead and the Empire reigns but the Emperor is still worried about threats to his rule, so your job is to hunt down and kill anyone a little bit too Force Sensitive and also anyone Order 66 managed to miss.”

It’s an interesting choice of phrase too.

“The Children of the Force”

Emphasizes the villainy of our bad guys in that they’re hunting down literal children and also seems to suggest some kind of protectiveness from the Force here; these are its children, people born into its “family”, so to speak.

Anyway.

OKAY WAIT NO I NEED TO STOP BECAUSE I STILL CAN’T GET OVER HOW THIS SCENE IS PARALLELED IN THE FINALE.

SHOT FOR SHOT.  SHOT.  FOR.  SHOT.

The show opens with the “boy who was lost” and closes with the “girl who was broken”, Sabine’s move into more narrative prominence S3 onward was not a writing mistake, it was purposeful, it was deliberate, the show is their coming-of-age arc, they are co-protagonists, they are each other’s Most Important Person and have so much influence on each other’s character development and it’s reflected so perfectly in that seventy-something episodes later we’re going to see Sabine standing right here where Ezra’s standing now.

*sobs*

Okay I’m good.

Right here is also when we hear our first classic Star Wars leitmotif, as the Imperial March blares out with obnoxious brassy flair.

Followed almost immediately by the short excerpt of the Rebel Alliance theme that functions as our stinger.

(I’m going to be talking about the score A LOT this time around, better get used to it lol.)

Ugh, there was this one stupid post that was like, “What’s so bad about the Empire regulating commerce anyway?  Controlling food safety is a good thing!”  REGULATIONS ARE A TOOL OF THE STATE TO CONTROL ITS PEOPLE SHARON, you notice they harass this vendor specifically because he hasn’t asked permission from the oh-so-benevolent Empire to make a couple credits selling a single basket of fruit, as if that’s something the Empire needs to control, and when he dares to complain about it they immediately want to toss him in prison.  That’s the epitome of petty state authoritarianism.

This is also such a wonderful character establishing moment for Ezra, because as much as he says he’s only out for himself and doesn’t stick his neck out for people the very first thing we see him doing in the show is surreptitiously sticking up for this harassed vendor.

We learn three main things here: 1. He’s clever and agile, 2. He’s a street kid trying to survive, 3. He actually really does care about people.  All in less than a minute.  Very tight writing.

I love the sound effect they use to signify Force use.  It’s very pretty.

Aaaaand of course accompanying it, the quiet string prelude to the classic Force theme.  An immediate auditory clue cueing us into the fact that Ezra is also Force Sensitive.  So unconsciously, we’re already primed to expect that.

Snrk, I still love how casually Sabine tosses the grenade onto the speeder.

There’s a strechiness and elasticity to the character models here that I think they lose later, as the tone evens out into being more serious, but it’s very Disney-esque.

Actually hilarious and kind of fascinating that instead of stopping Ezra, Sabine lets him keep part of the shipment and have a fair shot at escaping.

She definitely sounds like she likes his gumption.

If no supposed to ship, why let Tiya say the line so playfully here?

Zeb’s resigned thumbs up always cracks me up.

It bears repeating but the animation?  Very Disney-esque.  The whole way characters move, their design, how they emote and express.

I was always particularly impressed by the hair.

Look at it.

It’s always shifting softly around Ezra’s face and blowing in the wind and reacting to his movement shafkjghkajh.

SO much better than early Clone Wars.

No, shut up, go back and watch those awkward early episodes.

The faces don’t emote.

Kanan’s fond little smile. :)  He already loves that kid so much.

Again with the animation being very 2D Disney hand-drawn inspired in the way Kanan sloughs his shoulders here replying to Hera.

Hgnnnglllll the little shine in Ezra’s irises shifts like it’s an anime sparkle, I love this animation I love it I love it your Clone Wars could never.

If no supposed to ship, literally why have this moment with the classic Sees Her In Sparklevision trope?  (Okay so I added the actual sparkles but still.)

Seriously Filoni.  “I think there’s an automatic instinct to ship them.”  WELL WITH THIS COMING DAY ONE EPISODE ONE WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN?!

Hi Kallus!

Right so after this sequence where Ezra feels inexplicably guilty for not doing more to help the people of Tarkintown despite him literally only finding out they existed two minutes ago there was pretty much no way I wasn’t going to love him.

I think my brain subconsciously recognized, “Oh, he has a Hero Complex.” annnnd yep, yep, that did it, he’s my son now.

Interestingly, this is also I believe the first time we hear Ezra’s leitmotif, which like Luke’s theme is primarily in brass but in a minor key, slower, more somber, more introspective, almost a thematic foil to the adventurous bold excitement of Luke’s theme.

Luke’s theme, AKA the Star Wars Main Title theme, by the way, is primarily used throughout Rebels to denote heroism.  Typically it comes in whenever we have a Gunship Rescue from the Ghost or some other kind of Big Damn Heroes moment.

Side note appreciating the animation again, the storyboarding and blocking is very cinematic.  The camera moves as it might on a modern Hollywood production instead of a weekly TV serial, which I think helps makes Rebels feel closer to the Original Trilogy.

And here the full Force theme breaks through. :)

Note: At this point, behind the scenes, Hera and Kanan have already discussed Ezra’s potential Force Sensitivity, and agreed to test him.  I am still sorely in need of fanfics that cover that conversation.�� Just saying.

AGAIN.  WRITERS.  YOU NEED TO BE A LITTLE MORE AWARE OF JUST HOW SHIPPY THINGS COME ACROSS BETWEEN EZRA AND SABINE THIS FIRST EPISODE.

Like, there’s a reason why this conversation and footage is used in a million Sabezra amvs.

Ezra rubbing his hand on his neck, Sabine’s soft looks of concern at him, how warmly she finally reciprocates on telling him her name...

(Also notice how Ezra, empath that he is, immediately cottons onto the fact that Sabine considers the Ghost crew her family and discerns that something or other happened to her bio family.)

Gremlin child Ezra. <3

I’m sorry, I just noticed this:

What is that look, Sabine?  Lolol.

Hera going into Mom Mode immediately.  Her cheeky look back at Kanan, lol, she knows exactly what she’s doing.

Edgy TWC bros complained so much about the humor in early Season One and I say they have no taste, “rare hairless Wookie” is hilarious.

Part Twooooooooo!

For all his bluster and his devil may care facade, Ezra had that Jedi compassion and drive in him from the very start, I will hear NO slander otherwise.

Something in this escape sequence I absolutely love?  Ezra clinging to Zeb’s back.  Just the way he grabs Zeb’s legs and climbs him like a feral cat.  And Zeb does not appreciate it lol.

Oh hey, we’re at The Scene That Basically Sealed Ezra As Tari’s New Favorite Whump Target.

Yeah, protip to all showrunners, you put an emotionally vulnerable young male protagonist in mortal peril and you basically guarantee that I will obsess and fixate on them forever.

EVERY SINGLE FRAME OF THIS SHOT IS MORE HEARTBREAKING THAN THE LAST.

Hngl and you can hear him hyperventilating too ow my heart.

A brief excerpt of Ezra’s theme plays right here too, as if to compound Zeb’s guilt about the whole thing lol.

Like the score itself is saying, “HEY AREN’T YOU MISSING SOMEONE?!”

Sabine automatically assuming Zeb did something to Ezra. <3

Hera full-naming Zeb. <333333

A couple people pointed out before that Ezra flinches pretty noticably when Kallus reaches for him, and Kallus definitely marks that reaction with his eyes.  It’s such a quick little sequence but it’s fascinating in the layers it suggests.

I reiterate: The subtle facial animation is this show is fantastic.  The minute little emotions that you can pick up tell so much story.

Chopper voting with Hera to go back for Ezra. <333333333333333  The murder hobo does have a heart.

I love the little sideglance these troopers give each other after Ezra seals them in.  You can’t even see their faces but you know they’re chagrined all, “Oh.  Ohhhh we’re in so much trouble.”

And the joke is even followed up on when Kallus demands to know how Ezra escaped and this poor dude just has all the notes of, “This is the worst day of my life.” in his voice lololol.

I gotta gives props to Taylor Gray, he pulls off Ezra’s impersonations really well.

So how much do you want to bet Kallus had unfortunate flashbacks every time one of Sabine’s bombs threw him?

“I’m sure your parents must be worried sick.”  “I don’t have parents.”

*URGE TO ADOPT HIM INTENSIFIES*

(Also, same, Hera, same.)

Speaking of entire stories being told in the subtle expressions...

Tangenting here a little bit, I’ve seen more than one bad faith reading chiding Kanan and especially Hera for “manipulating Ezra into being a child soldier” and hnnghghghgkjgdksh could you guys have any worse comprehension?

Ezra’s fate, narratively and meta-textually speaking, was sealed the moment he volunteered the information about the Wookies and actively took part in their rescue.  He didn’t have to do any of that.  He could have stayed quiet.  He didn’t.  He could have made Hera drop him off first.  He didn’t.  He could have stayed on the ship the whole rescue.  He didn’t.  And yeah, some of the reason why is because Hera told him it was better to fight for others than only for himself, but also have you considered that Ezra maybe is just that selfless at heart?

(See above where his Establishing Character Moment was saving that fruit vendor.)

ANYWAY, if he hadn’t done any of that, Kallus would have never seen him leap far higher than he was supposed to be able to, and would never have marked him as a Force Sensitive, would never have alerted the Inquisitor to him and basically marked him as a target.

Any time the local Lothal garrison spotted him, their impetus would be his capture and/or extermination.  Ditto for when news eventually reached the Inquisitorius.

The safest place for him was absolutely staying with the Ghost (where he could be trained to protect himself) and they even gave him the choice about it.

To say that he was manipulated or guilted by Hera into following instincts that were already inside him denies Ezra his narrative agency; he chose to become a Rebel and fight against the Empire.  Hera might have awakened his heroism but it was Ezra who Answered The Call.

All right, tangent over.

Oh ho man, you can tell they went into this with zero plans to redeem Kallus.

I mean, I’m glad that it happened, I definitely enjoy that aspect of his character.  But there was noooooo groundwork laid for it in these early episodes lol.

Writers got halfway in and realized, “Shit, we like him.” and then had to scramble to come up with something, which, I mean... I relate.

Ah, here’s what I mean when I say Luke’s theme is used primarily as a shorthand for the element of heroism.

And for an example of what I’m talking about re: cinematic camera motion, there’s the bit right where the crew charges out of the cargo hold onto the platform on Kessel.  The camera is behind our subjects and instead of immediately cutting to an exterior shot (which would be perfectly acceptable), instead it sort of rolls out behind them, pushing down and forward with them, for a more dynamic shot.

Add several tracking shots after that, that basically follow specific characters, and with that simple cinema magic, the action sequence feels more frenetic and energized.

Gosh, Ezra was so tiny back in Season One.

I do like this cue right here, when the Imperial ship drops in, don’t know if it’s generic action filler or it becomes a leitmotif later, will have to pay attention I guess.

With context from A New Dawn, we know that Kanan has not ignited his lightsaber since Order 66, though he apparently came pretty close it in that book.  I just find it rather beautiful and poetic that the Force tells him it’s time right when he has a padawan to protect. :)

And this reveal is still excellently done, fine candidate for my personal No Context Signature Scene Test (that being a scene which, when shown in isolation, showcases off the best of a movie or show and entices watchers to check out the rest, it must do a good job of selling the work, essentially).

POV shot as Kanan stands up out of cover, cut to in front of him, the action music drops out and fades into the Force Theme and Kanan just kind of... casually walks through shots, leaning around them, the sound gets muted slightly, we get the gunslinger shot of the lightsaber pieces clicking together and then the Force Theme gets a bass drum flare to emphasize the moment.  Awed looks from everyone.  A triumphant musical cue.

Even Kallus is unnerved for a second lol.

And I love the verbal hesitation when he says, “Focus your fire on... on the Jedi.” like he can’t even believe he’s saying that.

Is it any wonder why I love the whole Rebellion Era Jedi aesthetic?  It does such a good job of encapsulating pure eucatastrophe, the sudden happy turn for good, a beacon of light and hope breaking through the darkness and despair.

The Wookies look at Kanan like a living legend has stepped out of the pages of their storybooks.

HNGH no one touch me.

And of course, Kanan stepping up immediately inspires Ezra to do the same, I love these two so much.

Wilhelm scream, lol.

See people, Kallus already associates Ezra with Kanan and has marked them as a master-padawan pair, there was no chance Ezra was going to just be able to keep his head down and live his life after this.

And again with the subtle expressions, there’s just a flash of sadness from Ezra here as he watches Kitwarr reunite with his dad, HAVE I MENTIONED I LOVE HOW UTTERLY EXPRESSIVE THE FACES ARE IN THIS SHOW?

I do kind of wonder what made Ezra decide to swipe Kanan’s lightsaber.

He had a thought to sell the holocron but honestly it seems like he wanted to keep the saber.  As a keepsake?  To use?

Honestly though I love it when writers have Force Sensitives just kind of compulsively drawn to Jedi artifacts and tools.  Like some part of them is called by the Force within the items.

There’s a really cute, almost shy way that Sabine ducks into her shoulders here.  I see it in amvs all the time but no one ever really talks about it.

I mean, along with Chopper’s sad little moan I think it’s meant to convey that they’re already fond of him and regret him having to leave.

Chopper loved Ezra from the beginning and only gave him grief because that’s how he shows affection change my mind.

Ezra does not take Zeb’s playful hit well, flinches like he did with Kallus.  Of course later he’d get used to it but right now Ezra definitely does not associate roughhousing with affection.

Ezra gets so timid in his body language here.

I... I would really love to know how Kanan got up the tower.  Where exactly is the turbolift in this thing?  Is it in Ezra’s room?  How’d Kanan sneak past?

I know we’re meant to believe Kanan is physically there and just Batmans in and out but honestly I don’t blame the people with the wild theory that Ezra’s having a vision of Kanan in this moment.

Speaking of Ezra’s timid body language, have you noticed how often he crosses his arms, in an insecure kind of self-protective fashion?  This all but goes away in the later seasons as he grows up.

Aaaaaand we hear a snatch of Leia’s theme as Obi-Wan’s message plays again, a little musical Call Forward to the princess’s iconic plea for help perhaps?

Interestingly it fades into a very understated version of Luke’s theme, without the full orchestral accompaniment, just a single trumpet and then some quiet strings playing the notes.

I’m going to have to pay attention but I’m tentatively hypothesizing that Leia’s theme will primarily represent the aspect of hope in the series, to accompany Luke’s representing the idea of heroism.

Hope and heroism, two classic archthemes of Star Wars, lol.

Maybe it’s fitting that Ezra’s theme kind of blends the feel of both of the twins’.

On a completely different note, nice to see composer Kiner keeping in the tradition of assigning the Ominous Latin Chorus to the villains, lol.

I like Grand’s theme, it’s reminiscent of the Emperor’s, all bass male voices and dark minor chords in the strings.

I warned y’all I was gonna be talking about the soundtrack a lot in these.

And that’s the pilot premiere down.  Some people said they found it hard to get into the series at first, but I was never one of them, the pilot had me hooked from the get go.  Granted it was my birthday and I was a bit, ah... sloshed at the time.

Still, there was pretty much no way I wasn’t going to be into this show.  The classic Star Wars feel, the lovely animation, the fact that Ezra was basically exactly My Type... (Orphan, tragic backstory, Hero Complex, heartwarming relationship with (surrogate) father figure, this boy was ticking off boxes left and right lemme tell ya.)

Pilot still holds up.  Not every show’s first episode does but this one does.

This was a fun exercise.  I think I’m going to try to knock one of these out a day at a time until Ahsoka drops, maybe not as in-depth and rambly as this one, but we’ll see.

Until tomorrow then.

[frozenjokes]

Signing Back In, Apparently - 2

Prev/Next

Okay. This was fine. This was fine! Mumbo hadn’t done anything wrong, not really. This was big! Really big. He had been alive, maybe, kind of, actually it was still unclear, but he sure didn’t feel like a ghost when he and Scar.. Not important. Was it even a huge deal if they kissed? Stupid question, of course it was a big deal. But he had almost killed Scar . That’s what the Boatem Crew had been trying to do for months now! Surely Pearl and Grian would be thrilled, wouldn’t they? Well, not if they learned how Mumbo found out.

Maybe Impulse would understand. Out of his three options, telling him seemed like the obvious choice! Impulse hadn’t ever been invested in making Scar suffer or anything, and honestly, Mumbo tended to agree most of the time. Sure, the moments of fear he and the others could trigger in Scar were satisfying, but the feeling was always short lived. The rest of the time the four of them were glued to Scar’s side was far more painful; his lamenting about the tragedy of his sunk ship and the loss of his family (Scar considered them family??), the bragging about his hats and the blood he’d spilled to get them, and the constant denying of the existence of ghosts was really starting to wear on Mumbo. And maybe all of that wouldn’t be so bad if Mumbo didn’t know now what Scar was like behind closed doors.

It was all a facade. Every outlandish story, every obvious lie, every exaggeration- it was all part of the character he played to the outside world. And Scar loved that character, he wasn’t miserable, but he was never genuine either. And in hindsight, Mumbo could probably count on one hand the times he had seen Scar drop a smile. When he was alive at least. Maybe that’s why Scar’s betrayal had hurt so badly. Not only had he killed the people closest to him, but his entire time spent with them suddenly felt like a lie, one where Scar had never been comfortable enough to drop his smile. Maybe that’s why Mumbo couldn’t move on, like Impulse had been urging them all to do for so long. Impulse was right. Staying here would only hurt them. But Mumbo couldn’t leave without knowing why Scar lived this way. With everyone at arm’s length. He had to know.

Maybe if he kissed Scar again, he could find out. No. Bad ghost. Oh god.

Mumbo found himself running (floating? Float-running? whatever) to Grian. It was always Grian, and honestly, he was kidding himself if he thought he would ever tell anyone else first. He shouldn’t tell anyone, just like Scar said, but the weight of it all would send the truth spilling out eventually. Mumbo knew that much about himself, at the very least. Better to do it in a private environment.

Pearl, Impulse, and Grian were setting up their latest Rube Goldberg death trap Mumbo would have found delightfully fascinating at any other point in time, but anxiety kept his mouth shut.

“Oh! Mumbo, good to see you!” Impulse waved, calling his presence to Grian’s attention, however, Pearl seemed to be too focused on moving something in the real world to notice. Grian’s face lit up, running over to greet him with a quick hug.

“Are you doing better? You look better! You’re gonna love what we came up with this time- Impulse doesn’t think it will work, but what does he know? Oh! Come on!” Grian grabbed Mumbo’s hand, pulling him off of his feet and toward the contraption and earning him a startled squeak.

“Ah- Grian , let me walk please, you- I actually need to- will you let go?” his last words came out harsher than intended, and his heart sank at the hurt look Grian flashed him. But Grian did let go, and Mumbo pulled his arm close to his chest. “I’m sorry, I’m still not.. well..” Mumbo lowered his voice, nerves sparking, “I did something. Weird. Bad. I’m freaking out about it a little. A lot. Can we go somewhere else?”

“Oh! I’m sorry I didn’t- you just looked so put together? How about we go see Jellie? We can talk,” Grian said, curiosity evident on his face. He didn’t look worried; why would he be? As far as Grian knew, the worst Mumbo could do was make stereotypical ghost noises in the real world.Regardless, Mumbo was grateful, Grian spared him of any questions before reaching the dimly lit bar area where Jellie frequently hung around. Sure enough, she was there, greeting the two of them with a little trill and hopping into Grian’s lap the second he sat down. Mumbo still didn’t understand how she could touch and see them, but after seeing her jump into an impossible looking purple rift in the water and then showing up on the island, he stopped asking questions. Cats were just like that, he guessed.

Grian smiled as he pet her, but his expression fell as he turned to Mumbo, “Did Scar say anything? Did he hurt you?”

Mumbo blinked. That wasn’t quite what he expected. “Uh, something like that,” he shrugged, suddenly feeling horribly awkward.

Grian looked at him expectantly. Mumbo stared back.

“Are you going to.. tell me..?”

“Just give me a minute,” Mumbo wringed his hands, unable to face him. Grian tilted his head. Mumbo startled when Jellie was placed gently on his lap, but he relaxed at Grian’s small smile. Petting Jellie would help, surely. It always did. She purred at his touch.

“I think I came back to life. Briefly. I was breathing. I needed to breathe, I mean. And my hands were still pale, but there was a little bit of color there too. And I might’ve had blood? Maybe not. Probably not. I just felt so warm. Human warm. Alive warm. Uh. And I think I almost killed Scar.”

Grian had kept his composure remarkably well until that last bit, “What? Mumbo, that’s incredible! We should tell everyone! We can-”

“No! No. It’s not..”

Grian tilted his head again, eyes narrowed in thought. Then, the missing piece of this discovery occurred, his face lighting back up in turn, “How did it happen? What did you do?”

“Uh. This is the bad part.”

“Alright, that’s fine.”

“...”

“...”

“Can you cover your ears?”

“Mumbo-what? We’re ghosts, we don’t hear that way.”

“Just do it. Please.”

Grian gave him a concerned look, but did as he was told, slowly moving his hands over his ears. “Alright, I’m ready. You’re starting to make me nervous, bud.”

“We kissed. I got Scar to use the ouija board with me and we could touch each other . Don’t say anything yet!” Mumbo’s voice cracked as Grian opened his mouth, but the other ghost didn’t close it, instead just gaping at him, “He was in a lot of pain, I mean, he’d probably been stuck in bed for over a day and I don’t remember him getting much sleep. But when our hands touched on the board we could speak like normal! And there was something else, too. It was like a warmth I’ve never felt, not even when I was alive. Ghosts don’t just start feeling warm -” As Grian started looking more and more alarmed, Mumbo panicked, “Scar suggested- I don’t know- he was actually quite blunt really-”

“Did he take advantage of you, Mumbo?”

“No! No, it wasn’t like that at all, I promise. It was the warmth- I knew if he just touched him I could get more and..” he trailed off, mind wandering to his moment with Scar. The mutual desire, the hunger of it all, and his own desperation after it was over. He pulled his hands over his face. He and Grian sat in silence for what felt like a lifetime.

“This is not ideal,” Grian said, finally breaking the long silence. Mumbo laughed, and Grian joined him, the two of them losing themselves in the absurdity of it all. Grian spoke when he got a chance to catch his breath, “Mumbo Jumbo! I had no idea you were down that bad! I get that Scar is attractive, but really! You could have chosen anyone else .”

“Really, Grian? My options aren’t unlimited here!”

“I don’t know, I’m sure someone would have been up for a little kiss, especially if the other option was Scar.” Grian elbowed him playfully, a little hard mind you, but Mumbo could only stare, trying very hard to figure out if this was a joke. It was probably a joke.

“Well I wasn’t planning on kissing anyone , it just happened. It was like magic- I don’t know.”

“I refuse to believe Scar is that good.”

“That wasn’t what I meant! Wipe that grin off your face.”

“Okay, okay,” Grian waved Mumbo away, trying to collect himself, “Listen, the method isn’t great, but this is kind of fantastic, isn’t it? You can kill Scar! You have to convince him to do the ouija board again. You don’t happen to be able to make his back hurt on command, do you? Or is that only when you’re falling apart yourself..” Before Mumbo could even hope to process what he was saying, Grian gasped, “You- you actually look good! Hardly any big cracks at all! Mumbo Jumbo please tell me you didn’t enjoy that more than you’re letting on!”

“Grian, please,” Mumbo’s hands returned back to their place on his face. This was a mistake. He could never face the world again. “Even if I tried again, I don’t even know if I could actually kill Scar. I mean, the second he realized he was dead or half-dead or whatever happened, he was gone. He nearly threw himself halfway across the room to get away from me. When he let go of the ouija board, everything turned back to normal.”

“Maybe you just need to keep him distracted! Or even better, just sit with him until he dies! Even better just rip him to pieces the second you can touch him! I’ll help you! Can I help? Please can I help?”

“Scar would never let you touch the ouija board. He’s not stupid. You would have thought he was face to face with a bear just sitting across from me!”

“I guess you’re right. Well, maybe I can supervise! If Scar pulls anything, he’ll be in a world of hurt.”

“You are not supervising. I don't even want to try again!”

“I.. Sorry. I don’t want to force you to do anything. Honestly, the more I think about it, the less I want that to happen anyway. We’ll get Scar in a trap one day! Maybe Pearl will be able to carry a knife far enough to stab him with it! She’s getting better at moving stuff every day!”

Before Mumbo could respond, he heard the familiar gait of Scar ambling down the stairs. Scar stopped at the landing, then hopped onto the railing in an attempt to slide down it. Unsurprisingly, he ended up eating shit on the floor, hats flying everywhere. Jellie purred, hopping off Mumbo’s lap to greet him.

“Good thing no one saw that. You won’t tell, right Jellie?” Scar laid on the floor with his cat, scratching her head, “Of course you won’t. Such a good girl.”

Grian started to speak, apparently done watching, but his voice faded into white noise as Mumbo’s focus stayed centered. Scar pulled himself to his feet with a small smile, going to collect his hats. Even when Scar thought he was alone, he treated each one with such care. Scar jumped once he straightened up and spotted the two ghosts, letting out a small yelp. Grian laughed. Mumbo didn’t even smile. He shook his head. What was wrong with him?

“Well, I trust you two won’t go telling the other pirates either, thank you very much. Don’t either of you go touching that ouija board, I’m watching!” Scar grinned, giving Mumbo a playful wink. Well! That’s enough of that. Mumbo excused himself through the wall, suddenly super interested in what Pearl and Impulse were up to. Please, yes, explain in excruciating detail how your machine works so he never had to think again.

[jackoshadows]

The day had come. It was the hour of the wolf. Soon enough the sun would rise, and four thousand wildlings would come pouring through the Wall. Madness. Jon Snow ran his burned hand through his hair and wondered once again what he was doing. Once the gate was opened there would be no turning back. It should have been the Old Bear to treat with Tormund. It should have been Jaremy Rykker or Qhorin Halfhand or Denys Mallister or some other seasoned man. It should have been my uncle. It was too late for such misgivings, though. Every choice had its risks, every choice its consequences. He would play the game to its conclusion. - Jon, ADwD

I like how GRRM goes meta here and speaking through Jon’s character, making his oft argued point that the characters are doing their very best as leaders, hindsight is 20/20 and often there is no getting around the consequences because the circumstances are beyond their control. Was the Old Bear a bad leader? Is that why he is dead? Were Rykker and the Halfhand bad leaders? Every choice these characters make comes with their own risks and consequences and that’s the burden of leadership. This is not a fairy tale of perfect endings and ideal leadership.

And whether it be Ned Stark or Tyrion Lannister or Tywin Lannister or Daenerys Targaryen or Cersei Lannister trying to deal with the real challenges that affect anyone trying to rule the 7K or even a city like Meereen and it’s hard. You know, we can all read the books or read history and say oh, so and so was stupid and made a lot of mistakes and look at all these stupid mistakes they make. But these kind of mistakes are always much more apparent in hind sight than when you are actually faced with the decision about, oh my God, what would I do in this situation. How do I resolve this thing? Do I do the moral thing? But what about  the political consequences of the moral thing? Do I do the pragmatic, cynical thing and kind of screw the people who are screwed by it? I mean, it is HARD. And I want to get to all of that - GRRM

Even Cersei comments on the ‘what ifs’ in AFfC:

It came to her suddenly that she had stood in this very spot before, on the day Lord Eddard Stark had lost his head. That was not supposed to happen. Joff was supposed to spare his life and send him to the Wall. Stark's eldest son would have followed him as Lord of Winterfell, but Sansa would have stayed at court, a hostage. [...] If Joff had only done as he was told, Winterfell would never have gone to war, and Father would have dealt with Robert's brothers. Instead Joff had commanded that Stark's head be struck off, and Lord Slynt and Ser Ilyn Payne had hastened to obey. It was just there, the queen recalled, gazing at the spot. Janos Slynt had lifted Ned Stark's head by the hair as his life's blood flowed down the steps, and after that there was no turning back. - Cersei, AFfC

Ned Stark is often labelled a bad politician for dooming his family, and yet no one could have foreseen what Joffrey did. As Cersei says - ‘This was not supposed to happen’.

I also love the blatant, right in front of our face foreshadowing here:

Every choice had its risks, every choice its consequences. He would play the game to its conclusion. 

He rose and dressed in darkness, as Mormont's raven muttered across the room. "Corn," the bird said, and, "King," and, "Snow, Jon Snow, Jon Snow." That was queer. The bird had never said his full name before, as best Jon could recall. - Jon, ADwD

From Jon thinking that he would play the game to it’s conclusion to the raven calling him King Jon Snow!

[pumpkinnning]

Your tags on that Charles and Ferrari post ring so true!!!

(I'm assuming this is the same anon 😅)

yes exactly ! The way people have been talking about Charles re:Ferrari lately has felt kind of very one note and low key a bit disrespectful ngl like he's too stupid to quit something that's hurting him but like you said, it's not like he has any better options at the moment. He would maybe have a better car at RBR or Merc but he would clearly be on "enemy" territory and I think people underestimate how much fitting in a team impacts performance. (And it's not like those teams have an actual opening rn)

And yeah like @mountinez pointed out very accurately, it's his choice, he's a grown man and he knows his options far better than any of us do.

And putting the idea of an individual win so far above a win with the team he loves is very idk...focus on the toxic macho individualistic superman aspect of sports (It's the part of DTS i find honestly really annoying i think they should pay more attention to the team work and the mechanics and all the others who make this possible instead of staging all those fake little cockfights but anyway) it's like all those pundits saying Charles should Take Charge more like a Real Man and invent his own strategies and everything else instead of you know trusting the people whose job it is and actually have the data like bitch please !!!!

Like in the end I'm a Charles fan before anything else so if he leaves Ferrari I will think it's badass and healthy and if he stays I will praise his loyalty and commitment 😂😂 but whatever he does there will be a chance for it to fail and it will be easy to talk shit about what he should have done in hindsight but the truth is we don't know shit about what is really happening behind the scenes and a big part of it is down to luck and timing

And when it comes to rpf and writing fictional narratives inspired by all this - yes of course the pain and addiction of devotion to sth that doesn't love you back and the martyr/saint imagery it's all very compelling

Lmfao anyway yes i am in the Thinking about Themes part of writing fic rn but yeah !!! I find this whole thing incredibly compelling and if/when Charles wins the WDC with Ferrari I will cry like a little baby for 3 days at least

but there is also a lot more there !!!

what about the power fantasy of loving sth so hard you change its very nature ? What if patient love and commitment gets rewarded for once ? (What does it mean if we write it as always destined for failure?)

What about saying no this imperfect thing i am fighting for is mine actually i am taking ownership and I am not going to cede ground to people playing selfish little games with it or leave it to crumble and succumb to its worst impulses ?

Most of all, what about the journey mattering more than the end and the people you chose to do this with mattering more than the victory and honoring your dreams and passion mattering more than beating the statistics ?

If we are going to write stuff inspired by real people we should at least try to honor a bit of the complexity of real life and give space to complex ambivalent feelings

[raekensarcher]

tagged by @thiamsxbitch ,, thank u love :)

Rules: post the first lines of your last 10 fics posted to Ao3. (Sort by date posted.) If you have less than 10 fics posted, post what you have.

all fics completed aside from all about control :p

All the Love we Unraveled and the Life I Gave Away | Thiam

The exhaustion goes bone deep. Skin feeling akin to something like a livewire, feeling the clothes clinging to his skin with every step he takes. Swallows what feels like bile rising in the back of his throat, ignoring the itch of a scream clawing its way through his chest. Begging to be released, let out any tension that's been growing under his skin since Scott had called him.

Tell me That we’ll be Just Fine (Even When I Lose my Mind) | Thiam

Theo has, objectively, made a lot of stupid choices in his life. Throw a dart, you'll hit one.

This, though, this might actually take the cake on the list of Dumbest fucking things Theo Raeken has ever done. Which is no small feat, all things considered.

It takes all of three seconds after Theo tells Nolan to run, watching him stumble across the dirt and broken tree limbs before his eyes slide over to the unconscious beta on the ground and it finally registers in his brain what he just did. He just managed to effectively ruin any chance of getting out of this fucking zoo and away from these hunters at a quick pace, all because he was saving Liam's stupid ass, again.

Close my eyes, Fantasize, Three Clicks and I’m Home | Thiam

He’s not sure when it started; when this pull between he and Liam became a thing. If he had to pinpoint the exact moment, and he’s just spitballing here, it might have to be when he was pulled from hell.

‘Cause everyone’s growing, and everyone’s healthy. (I’m terrified that I might never have met me) | Thiam

When he starts crawling his way up through the earth, hands grasping for purchase on the dirt surrounding him, he thinks it’s a more fucked up version of the nightmare he’s been living in for the last few months. Years? It feels like a lifetime. Endless loops of having his sister's heart ripped out of his chest, over and over and over again. It’s hard to remember.

Of Gods and Monsters | Thiam

The question comes so far out of left field that it manages to render Theo speechless, spoonful of melting ice cream lifted halfway to his open mouth as he stares at the beta across from him with some mix between shock and confusion.

Liam takes his reaction in stride, continuing to eat his own ice cream, completely unbothered by the fact that he just managed to hit some kind of pause button inside of Theo’s brain. Theo thinks if it were any other situation the beta might have even made a joke about it, but the question wasn’t laced with any humor, just pure curiosity.

I’m here, right here, wishing I could be there for you. | Thiam

In hindsight, Liam probably should have seen how this was not going to go his way. Call him an optimist. He had maybe, dumbly, hoped that Theo would pull his head out of his ass long enough to appreciate the fact that he was valued and not, I don't know, wanted dead in the middle of the preserve? It was wishful thinking on Liam’s part.

“I’m just saying, I'm a little bit sick of your shit.”

Crimson Stained Hands | Implied Thiam , Theo centric

Theo’s never been able to put it into words, this weight that sits so heavily on his chest that sometimes he gets sharp pains that shoot through his veins. He thinks it might be some kind of punishment, though he’s not sure which sin caused this, which sin keeps him in constant torment. It’s a long list, some days it seems like it’s one that’s never going to end.

It’s like the universe has left me without a place to go | Thiam

"You're a hard man to find these days."

Theo hums from his place on the tailgate, legs swinging slowly back and forth, his eyes trained on something in the distance, not fully there.

Liam's feet stay planted where they are, eyes trained on the way Theo's hands have tightened their hold on the metal surface of the tailgate at the sound of Liam's voice. He tries not to think too hard on it, knows it probably has nothing to do with him and everything to do with the fact that Theo has been avoiding him and life itself for the last three weeks.

All About Control | Thiam

There’s been a shadow following Theo around since he was Nine years old, a dark and looming thing that sits in his peripheral vision, a constant and threatening reminder of where he came from. Of what he can be brought back to. Some days it looks a lot like the Dread Doctors, more specifically the Surgeon. The shadow will shift and morph into a figure that resembles something from his worst memories, the ones he wishes were ripped out of him the way everything else was. Other days it morphs into something smaller, something dripping with icy ravine water, the smell of dirt and mud coming with it.

It could end in burning flames or paradise | Thiam

Theo is alive.

At least, most days he’s pretty sure he is. He feels the blood flowing under his skin, feels the stolen heart thudding against his ribs, feels the way his pulse jumps when Liam speaks in the tone he seems to solely reserve for him and him only.

tagging @stitchkiss :p

[k7l4d4]

K Reviews and Rants: Miraculous Ladybug Season 5! Episode 11

And now, my fair readers, I shall now embark on PART 2 of the first two-parter of this season! Let's see if it's an improvement...

If there is one thing this episode upsets me the most about, in hindsight, it's how this episode basically embodies the fact that no one in this series has apparently any kind of critical thinking skills. Any kind of ability to reflect on what is going on around them or draw connections just... does not exist, because doing so would cause the flimsy writing to fall apart in seconds, exemplified how Tikki never apparently made the connection between the Alliance Rings tracking the steps of their wielder automatically, Dark(er) Owl going after Socqueline immediately after Marinette ran off to take down the Dinosaur-Pigeon hybrids, or how Monarch was able to find out her and Plagg's new wielders so quickly... or how Alya never once stops to consider the fact that Marinette is still the Guardian, so keeping her identity secret is still a huge deal. It's just not sustainable.

Anyway, rambling over. Onto my mental breakdown! As always, warning for profanity on my part.

Episode 11: Kwamis Choice Part 2 (Deflagration) 

Okay, just got started... here's seeing how this goes. And wow, they seriously cannot have people NOT obsess over the love lives of two teenagers for even a second, can they? 

Uugghh... this is a small gripe, but them trying to present Alya confidently stating that Ladybug and Chat Noir aren't in love and never have been... to say it IRRITATES ME is an understatement, given how much of an unabashed fangirl she was for the ship, up to and including ignoring Marinette's wishes in posting pics on the topic online. 

Okay, we get a scene of Adrien moping over a picture of Marinette on his phone... despite the last episode literally being all about on them FINALLY MAKING FUCKING PROGRESS AND HIM GETTING CONFIRMATION THAT SHE LIKES HIM!! What in the world is he moping about!? It can't be that he's no longer Chat Noir, given that he got over THAT bit of moping at lightning speed. SO WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM!?

Y-You know what makes this entire scene currently going on (Marinette checking in on Alya and congratulating her for being the new Ladybug wielder) so much worse? It's the fact that MARINETTE KNOWS, and also SHE IS STILL THE GUARDIAN OF THE MIRACULOUS. Meaning she is STILL A SERIOUS RISK FOR AKUMATIZATIONS!! Oh, and once again, I'm gonna chime in that, even if she isn't aware that Monarch can listen in on the Alliance Rings, AT MINIMUM Tikki should've let Alya know that they DO track her movements. And the fact that this isn't brought up at all... yeah... 

Alya... no. CUT IT OUT WITH THE SHIPPING. You SENT HIM TO HER HOUSE, HIM FORGETTING HIS BAG THERE IS NORMAL, STOP READING SHIT INTO THINGS!!! Dear god, the way they cannot let up for even a second on the LS just drives me insane. 

...She told Adrien she was "shaving her socks." They. ARE NOT EVEN TRYING AT THIS POINT. 

Alya acting all smug about Marinette and Adrien hanging out (NOT DATING) is honestly infuriating. Because given just how wishy-washy this entire fucking fiasco has been about her respecting and caring about MARINETTE'S OWN FEELINGS, as well as the show's inability to honestly take a fucking SOLID POSITION just makes her come across as a smug "rhymes-with-witch" at the moment. 

Alya... YOU KNEW HE WAS OVER THERE BECAUSE YOU FUCKING SENT HIM TO GIVE HER HER HOMEWORK!!! 

Dadada... Alya still being unable to grasp and respect Marinette's boundaries, of course. 

Ughh... I honestly hate how Alya is referring to Marinette's stupid crush as "episodes." Like, treating a person you actually know, particularly one who is meant to be your BEST FRIEND, as a soap opera for you to watch is incredibly insensitive. And news alert, calling attention to the NON-EXISTENT PLOT PROGRESSION IN YOUR FUCKING SHOW IS NOT FUNNY, IT IS ANNOYING AND JUST SHOWS HOW SHIT THE WRITING IS. Marinette being "back at square one" is not funny. It's pathetic, and honestly unhealthy.

...I honestly just cannot get over how Alya says "you don't have to worry about secret identities or anything about that" when she's conveniently forgetting that MARINETTE IS STILL THE FUCKING GUARDIAN. She is ALWAYS going to have to worry about this stuff, because until she passes on the title (and all relevant memories connected to it), she will ALWAYS be involved in the fight, NO MATTER WHAT. But of course, the show glosses over all that because it doesn't give them the type of drama they want. 

Okay, I hate to admit it, but Plagg's face at "Largest cheese cellar in Paris" was honestly funny. 

And we get Zoe sneaking around... in her own home. Apparently because of Chloe. Ugghhh... it's gonna be like that, isn't it? 

First things out of her mouth being about how "Zoe isn't allowed in the kitchen with her dirty sneakers." And apparently Chloe SOMEHOW gets to dictate where Zoe is allowed to go within the hotel. I'm not even going to pretend to acknowledge this because CHLOE DOES NOT HAVE THE POWER TO MAKE THOSE DECISIONS, and if Andre is ALLOWING THIS then this is just an early look at how much of a fucking pathetic excuse for a father he is. 

Also, I don't get why Chloe is calling for Audrey, because it's not as if Audrey would even give a shit, considering that Zoe's literal introduction established that she doesn't give a damn about EITHER Chloe or Zoe, so she isn't gonna give Chloe her way. And if this stupid scene just has the worst Chloe makes Zoe do to "keep her mouth shut" is clean her shoes... okay, what the fuck about this is supposed to justify Plagg running off screaming about Cataclysming Chloe!? 

Fucking GOD does this shit annoy me!! Having characters overreact to shit that is, at WORST, annoying and inconvenient pettiness on Chloe's part does not make her worse, it just makes the person DOING said overreacting look petty and stupid! Granted, the one they are having do this is Plagg, whose track record for being "reasonable" isn't very good, but I doubt that thought ever occurred to the writers. 

Ughh... and they retconned Plagg accidentally genociding the Dinosaurs as an act of deliberate petty spite. No, this does not make him look cool, it makes him look like a fucking PSYCHO.

Also, Zoe saying "it's pointless" with a smile on her face just gives me the same vibes as Adrien's "She'll never change" comment in Despair Bear. It's treating the actions of someone prone to extreme self-destruction and living in a toxic environment as something to just shake your head over and shrug off... and this is before acting as if Chloe being petty and immature is deserving of regarding her as the Spawn of Satan. 

Okay, for this scene alone, I'll GRUDGINGLY give them SOME credit for at least acknowledging that Plagg blows things out of proportion... but that shouldn't be a JOKE, if anything, the fact that the Embodiment of Destruction is prone to overreaction SHOULD BE A VERY BIG PROBLEM!!! 

...I just watched Gabriel... putting on a dance number... after coming out of his fucking secret lair. The ONLY fucking reason I'm not screaming at just how completely inappropriate this scene is (in terms of just both undermining any menace within Gabe as a character, but also for writing off his recent discovery as part of a cheap GAG), is because it was over quickly. 

AND HERE IS WHERE TIKKI NOT BOTHERING TO MENTION THAT THE ALLIANCE RINGS RECORD A PERSON'S MOVEMENTS COMES BACK TO BITE THEM IN THE ASS!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THIS ONE FUCKING SCENE MAKES THIS ENTIRE GODDAMN FIASCO OF TIKKI AND PLAGG FINDING NEW WIELDERS TOTALLY FUCKING POINTLESS!!! 

Oh, now we get a scene of Nathalie sadly staring at a picture of Emilie. No, you don't get to do that since you are fully complicit in ignoring her wishes and have actively continued to go against them, with the only change being that you "aren't on Gabe's side anymore." 

Also, the way Gabe phrases it as "the right combination of powers" just makes me bang my head against a wall at how the writers have completely abandoned any pretense of him being able to be genuinely creative in the powers he already grants. The last Akuma didn't even HAVE Unique Powers besides being big and bear-themed. 

Again, Nathalie, you DO NOT GET TO GO ON ABOUT HOW SCARED YOU ARE WHEN YOU HAVE BEEN COMPLICIT EVEN WHEN HE MADE AN AKUMA THAT DROWNED THE FUCKING CITY!!!

You also were perfectly willing to make the exact same Wish for yourself, so you have no leg to stand on. 

Honestly, him going on about him having discovered the identities of the new Miraculous Holders in Zoe and Alya would be more impressive if his plan wasn't literally the exact same as all his other plans, but copying what he did during Nino's scheme to get Gabe Akumatized and doing it better, which just makes me wonder why the FUCK he didn't add those power ups THEN anyway!? Or at least just used the Ox, given the whole "invulnerability" thing. Heck, the fact that he's had the Ox as far back as Episode Two makes me wonder why he didn't use it to make Chat Noir's Cataclysm Bluff just that, a HARMLESS BLUFF. 

And now we get another scene of Nino's fucking stupid resistance. I still cannot take them seriously with those idiotic names. 

Next we get a moment of Adrien taking Marinette's hand in his to comfort her... and Adrien, while I appreciate the spirit, and think Marinette wildly flailing is an overreaction, you don't just grab someone's hand like that. That's a violation of her personal boundaries. Ughh... we honestly should've gotten more episodes about stuff like THAT, about how Adrien just doesn't know how to be a normal teen, more than this BS. 

...Everything I see of the Resistance just makes me think less of it. Because on the one hand, yes, being able to report Akumatizations is nice... that's why the "Megakuma/Akuma Alerts" exist, and makes Kitty Section writing loud rock music and broadcasting it over the school's speaker system completely pointless, and if anything it isn't going to get any form of the response they are looking for since no one would KNOW that it has anything to do with Akumas, and is more of a distraction from the threat the Akuma represents. 

...I do not get why they think they would somehow be able to stop someone from being Akumatized, OR WHY THEY THINK THAT PAINTBALLS WOULD DO ANYTHING TO AN AKUMA!!!

Oh, and another mention of the tired "we would have to lie to each other!!" talking point. Not even gonna pretend to engage with that BS. 

Aaaannndd... we get a scene of LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYONE STARING AT ADRIEN AND MARINETTE SHARING A TWO-PERSON TABLE AT LUNCH. This... this is just completely and utterly unhealthy. THE FACT THAT THERE ARE FUCKING FLOWERS ON THE TABLE MAKE IT WORSE, THEY STILL ARE NOT OFFICIALLY DATING YET!!! 

I'm just... nothing about this is romantic. If anything, it's creepy because it's overwhelmingly trying to force this scene to be romantic. 

...Oh, and we get the first 'Chloe is a dumb blonde' scene with her apparently needing Alliance to define Generous to her. Excuse me while I go out into the snow to scream my head off. 

Like, it would be one thing if this was a sarcastic quip she's making that the Alliance Ring just took literally, but we both know it isn't, and I FUCKING HATE IT. Because this is beyond making her stupid, this is literally trying to force her into a specific mold in the most hamfisted way possible. 

And another hit, right away, with it apparently being that you HAVE to say "please" to Alliance. There is literally no possible reasoning for including this scene except to point and go "SEE!? SEE!? CHLOE IS AWFUL!! SHE CAN'T EVEN SAY PLEASE!!!" 

Oh, she's apparently going to "destroy Dupain-Cheng," where have I heard that before? Never. I have never heard her talk like that prior to Season 4. This... this is just obnoxious. 

This also includes the start of the trend of the show making Chloe Lila's attack dog. It's hard to take her as a credible threat when literally it's just Lila using crass manipulation on the girl Astruc insists would be the bottom of the class without help from Sabrina, and she didn't even CARE until Lila brought it up. Nope, I just can't take this seriously, because they are STILL TREATING THE LOVE SQUARE LIKE A FUCKING JOKE.

Yadayadayada, more Chloe Character Assassination and the show not even pretending to have any kind of internal continuity... 

Them trying to present Zoe standing up for Marinette as this badass sign is honestly pretty stupid since MARINETTE HAS LEARNED TO STAND UP FOR HERSELF SINCE FUCKING ORIGINS, and no one has EVER taken Chloe seriously as a credible threat. This is just completely and utterly stupid. 

...I would laugh at them having Chloe say "I'll crush you all!" if it didn't sound completely and utterly WRONG coming out of her mouth. Her voice IS NOT SUITED TO SAYING GENUINE THREATS. It just makes her sound like she's reading from a cringe-inducing script for a school play. 

And now they have Chloe stand-up and just let the Akuma come to her. Not even pretending that this is something DONE to her, and the fact that it's Chloe means that any attempt at trying to make her resist is utterly pointless. 

Wow, they didn't even TRY to stop Chloe from being Akumatized. How "totally surprising." So much for "only having one enemy, and that's Monarch." 

...And "Sole Destroyer" isn't even something I can take seriously as a threat because of how utterly stupid her power is. She turns people into shoes that "sing her praises" by kicking them. 

Also, how is no one hearing Monarch!? Just because he's invisible doesn't mean he's inaudible, and he IS IN THE ROOM WITH ALL OF THEM. 

Oh, and we get Plagg shilling for Zoe again... 

Also, I just do not get on ANY LEVEL how Monarch not wearing the Miraculouses when he made himself invulnerable would make them... not invulnerable. I just don't. It feels totally arbitrary.

Also, Tikki was ALREADY absorbed into the earrings, how in the world did she get blasted out??��

Marinette freaking the hell out really just... undermines any threat that this is supposed to have, it's too out of place right now. 

Oh look, Sole Destroyer was somehow defeated off-screen with no explanation. And Monarch gets ambushed by the Resistance, which I still can't take seriously since by all rights this should be entirely in Monarch's favor since, you know, HE HAS VOYAGE!!! Oh, and how in the world did they somehow knock Chloe out!? Did... did this show just FORGET that all the Miraculouses grant their wielders a degree of super strength, toughness, and agility?? Because there is no reason a bunch of kids jumping on top of him should have even slowed Monarch down. And again, VOYAGE. 

I don't get why he had to use Multitude before using Voyage at the end, since the fact that he still had a grip on Ladybug's Yo-Yo means he realistically could've just dragged her through with him and had her completely at his mercy. 

Tikki and Plagg wondering how Monarch found him out... while ignoring that there is canonically a WAY FOR THEIR WIELDERS TO BE TRACKED IN THE ALLIANCE RINGS!!! Even if they dismiss the idea of Gabriel being Monarch, they should at fucking LEAST be suspicious!! 

Once again, I'm not touching the nonsense of Plagg comforting Zoe with a ten-foot-pole, given that it's just tied to the show's Chloe Assassination process. "It was an honor to be your Kwami," PLAGG YOU KNEW HER FOR LESS THEN A FUCKING DAY!!! Okay, and with that, I'm done with this episode.

[imjustsomebunny]

Gonna do something stupid and bring over a thread from my twitter because I'm maybe possibly still brainrotting over it just a little??

I was thinking about this scene from episodes 45-46 of Shippuden and I honestly love it so much, especially in hindsight, after having watched the Kakashi ANBU fillers (yes, I watch the fillers, leave me alone). So, I'm gonna nerd out and way overanalyze this for a hot second, don't mind me.

(In actuality, this ended up being half Yamato character analysis/appreciation and half actual scene analysis, and I may have lost some coherency towards the end because I was high af while writing most of this lol whoops. Enjoy? Please don't hurt me? 🙏)

When you watch this scene for the first time, you'll likely be viewing this more from Naruto's "persepctive", so to speak. You'll probably empathize with him more personally, as he's the protagonist you've been following since the beginning. You understand why he does the things he does, why he feels the way he feels.

Being so desperate to save his friend but not confident enough in his own strength that he succumbs to powers of blind rage and accidentally hurts himself and others around him in the process... It may not be a relatable struggle for everyone, but it's a sympathetic one.

And thus, you would agree with Yamato's words to Naruto in this scene; he is strong on his own, and should rely on his own power to save Sasuke.

Naruto feels the same as well. Despite being initially horrified by the revelation that he had hurt Sakura and caused so much devastation again, he genuinely wants to become stronger by his own accord and protect those that he cares about. Yamato's words resonate deeply with him.

On a second watch through, however, what I really loved about this scene is what is says about Yamato as a character.

In the Kakashi ANBU filler arc, he first realizes through trying to save Yukimi that he can protect the people he cares about in his own way.

Then he's ordered by Danzo to steal Kakashi's sharingan. He sees Kakashi at Rin's grave and sees him as the cold-hearted "friend-killer". So he tries to go through with it.

"The mission is absolute." Kakashi asks what kind of mission would ask someone to kill their friend. He asks why, then, Kakashi killed Rin, unless it was also his mission to do so. But Kakashi retorts, he hadn't wanted to kill her. She died because he couldn't protect her.

Kakashi captures him, having every intention to take him back to the leaf, when they're suddenly attacked by one of Orochimaru's experiments. Kakashi risks his own life to save him despite the fact that Yamato had just tried to kill him.

He could have just left him to die—either of them could have left the other to die at any point, but neither did. Yamato's conviction wavers. It was his mission to take Kakashi's eye, but he ultimately finds he can't bring himself to do it. So he abandons it, and for the first time, even in the face of the consequences, he questions everything; the missions, the purpose of Root, his identity, and his own will.

He realizes, then—for the second time—that he is free to think for himself and make his own choices, and that he can protect people.

But Kakashi realizes that Yamato would be punished for what he did, and urges the third hokage to help him, and they're able to pull him out of Root, much to Danzo's displeasure.

[eimearkuopio]

I was diagnosed with PTSD 12 years ago. Most people who don't know much about PTSD or me thought this must be some kind of mistake. It wasn't. I had EMDR. It helped. Did a lot of CBT. That helped with the "normal" trauma of "people did stupid things and it hurt me".

My therapist and I agreed to go with "the statistically improbable number of people who died at key moments in my life couldn't have been my fault, because I didn't and couldn't have chosen to kill them, so even if it's somehow related to me it's not my fault, and the fact that I can't stop feeling like it is... Well, that's just delusion, and I can ignore it and just keep trying to live a good life".

And for a long time, that was enough.

And then it wasn't.

And just as my life was starting to come together, after everything I've been through, everything I've survived, everything I've learned, I fell apart because people wouldn't listen to me when I told them other people needed help. They kept trying to help ME, and in hindsight, I needed it; but I only needed it because I couldn't keep myself from helping people, because I had no ego and therefore no barrier between my self-identity and my perceived identity of them. Maybe if I helped enough people, one of them could help me.

It didn't work.

I nearly got a friend killed trying to protect kids. I followed all the rules. I did everything I had been told I was supposed to do. I had asked for help and been ignored or refused or berated.

That's the moment my finite self gave up. I have always been here with her, but I felt the scream as she fled. She's in my house. She might come back when she's ready; but she's a part of me, so it doesn't really make a difference to me if it's me or her running things in this body, and I'm not making that aspect of myself take this on again.

Organised religion may be the opiate of the masses, but it's a treatment for people who need it. It's only a bad thing if you decide that your specific prescription is the only acceptable one, and everything else is poison. I believe, in this state, that there is an infinite God who chose to guide us in a way that none of us can fully comprehend. I believe the truth is both simpler and more complex than anything I could convey. I don't know if humanity will survive the coming decades, but the finite ego who was murdered over and over by loved ones trying to protect her from the world and failing to protect her from herself doesn't care any more. She knows that she has a room available at my place and at her Father's, and that when this body dies, she will have earned a better choice than most of you who are far more smug in your expectations. And she knows that if any of you try to hurt her or her loved ones, sooner or later, I will enact my Lord's vengeance. I only have one mercy, but I have a lot of alternatives, and I'm tired and hungry.

Not to sound like a sap but I think we as a society would be so much better off if we stopped constantly assuming the worst of each other.