#I love trauma dumping on the internet

[unfortunate17]

My boyfriend’s in the ER and it looks like he’ll probably need a shunt in his skull and I think I’m gonna throw up

[redroyalblues]

"So, imagine we're all born with a set of feelings. Some are broader or deeper than others, but for everyone, there's that ground floor, a bottom crust of the pie. That's the maximum depth of feeling you've ever experienced. And then, the worst thing happens to you. The very worst thing that could have happened. The thing you had nightmares about as a child, and you thought, it's all right because that thing will happen to me when I'm older and wiser, and I'll have felt so many feelings by then that this one worst feeling, the worst possible feeling, won't seem so terrible. But it happens to you when you're young. It happens when your brain isn't even fully done cooking—when you've barely experienced anything, really. The worst thing is one of the first big things that ever happens to you in your life. It happens to you, and it goes all the way down to the bottom of what you know how to feel, and it rips it open and carves out this chasm down below to make room. And because you were so young, and because it was one of the first big things to happen in your life, you'll always carry it inside you. Every time something terrible happens to you from then on, it doesn't just stop at the bottom—it goes all the way down."

red white and royal blue, chapter thirteen

[marusgf]

..

[aubreysux]

i called a woman to offer a promo at work today and instead of a simple ‘no thank you’, she proceeded to tell me about how she can’t afford it because her husband of 25 years left her a month ago

[ghost-bxrd]

Been mulling over Titans Tower and it's really interesting to me how it's treated in Fanon as compared to how the events transpired in canon. it's a really fun topic! Honestly, the original writing in canon is DOGSHITE but not for the usual reasons people cite.

Here's what does make sense in canon but is largely ignored (this is using canon characterisations at the time): First, it's all about the whole Titans team, not just Tim. They really downplay his death a lot, did not put up his statue or honour him whatsoever. Plus the hero community tends to victim-blame him a fuckton. Jason is showing that his death could've happened to anyone. Second, Tim and Jason are just two yearish apart—Jay died at 15, Tim becomes Robin at 13—so those Titans are more like his colleagues than anything else; he's not some older guy beating the shit outta them. Third, Tim’s indifference to Jason's comments and his cockiness about being a better Robin are pretty on-brand for his early portrayal as Robin. (I think fanon Tim derives a lot of his characteristics from his Red Robin run, which is valid as well! But here in particular we have Robin Tim... who... was... uh... a bit of an asshole when he was written back then and the HUBRIS on that man? Immaculate.)

What still makes this absolutely dog shit is the dialogue and how Jason is pouring his heart out to someone who he doesn't really care about. Jason... just doesn't operate this way... Why's he trauma dumping on... tim... ???? It makes no sense whatsoever because Jason really is someone who'd keep those vulnerabilities to himself. Why would he open up to... CANON TIM??? He makes scathing remarks when faced with Bruce and Dick because he knows the knife twists then and at he cares about their reaction. But not tim ????? Canon UTRH doesn't even mention Tim ????? ???? So in the end it's still shit imo.

I also find the use of Pit Madness in fanon super interesting, despite it not being canon. It's used to propel the Titan's Tower incident, which fascinates me because it shows how people are willing to work around its flaws to maintain consistent characterization in their works (which is !!! cool !!)

It's so interesting how many other incidents that do occur in canon aren't as well known as this one aren't given much thought. But this one is and it's interesting how people try to work with it regardless of it's flaws originally!

I'd really love to hear your opinions about it and how flexible you are with the Titans tower incident! :) How do you work with your Jason and your Tim? because it's cool to hear your analysis etc etc

Hooo boi okay i was planning on replying to this earlier but this deserves a proper, thought out response (which I’m shite at but I’m trying here. Words are hard.)

For one, I wholeheartedly agree with the whole trauma dumping thing.

Obviously we all have different tastes in media and I know there are quite a few people who enjoyed the confrontation with Tim, which is totally fine, but personally… yeah, not my thing.

I got into the Batman/batfam fandom via fanfic, so my first introduction was some version of Titans Tower I believe. I was super intrigued by the characters and the tidbits of lore sprinkled throughout that I immediately began reading up on them and digging through the internet for more info and background story on them. Which then quickly evolved into the part where my adoration for Jason’s character began and a short phase where I absolutely despised early canon Tim.

Like— all the victim blaming. He seriously couldn’t mention Jason without adding something derogatory about getting himself killed, which sat so, so wrong with me. Not to mention the Titans just accepting a new Robin right off the bat and joining in blaming Jason for his own death. I’m pretty sure that was the point where I swore off comics for a long while and decided to live off fanon 🤣

And then Jason’s part in the Titans Tower incident. I think part of how weird the canon event was is due in part to how the writers fumbled to depict trauma? Or maybe they just outright hated him because I know a lot of people back then despised Jason and his run as Robin.

Whatever the reason, I think I genuinely cringed when he revealed the Walmart Robin costume he was wearing. And then the trauma dumping.

Jason is smart enough to know Tim wouldn’t care about his grievances. I mean- dude just broke into his hideout to attack him, I think Tim’s about as done with Jason as with any other criminals, regardless of his past. And all that is proven by Tim fighting back tooth and nail without pause. He doesn’t even react to the accusation of the missing statue in Jason’s honor. Like, he genuinely doesn’t seem to care. And why would he? They don’t know each other.

And yeah maybe he was trying to beat some sense into Tim (which is still wrong but— vigilantes I guess? Idk) and make him quit Robin, but Jason’s also smart enough to know that Robins don’t quit easily. And then, as soon as Tim is down for the count and can’t keep fighting, Jason leaves. Just like that. No actual murder attempt, no kicking-while-he’s-down (at least as far as I remember).

It makes no sense. What would Jason be gaining from that encounter? Why would he blame the kid that replaced him and not the guy that did the replacing? Hell, it would make more sense for him to go after the Titans than Tim. Not the mention him casually doubting Tim’s talents when he must have done some background checks on him.

It’s why I like the idea of Pit Madness I guess, and that Jason actually went to the tower with the intent to kill. Because that way the entire thing wouldn’t seem so… pointless.

As for how flexible I am with the Titans Tower storyline, it really depends on the route people choose to explore. But I’m a huge sucker for the “Jason was Tim’s Robin” trope where there’s at least a mild amount of hero worship going on. 👁️ Oh, and happy endings. I can’t deal with tragedies.

But yeah these are my thoughts on it. Obviously no hate to whoever enjoyed the comic mentioned above 💚 we’ve all got different things we resonate with after all~

[nekropsii]

Thoughts on Transfem Dave?

I am her number one defender.

Do you know how much Anon Hate I’ve gotten over her? So much. Has that ever stopped me? No. It only makes me bolder. It makes me stronger. And more annoying. It was frankly ridiculous anon hate, too - there was a whole lot of intensely personal Trauma Dumping in there, for some reason? Extremely bewildering. I am not a Therapist, nor did I invite people to use my Inbox as a Confessional to puke up their woes about their traumatic upbringing and depressing home life as a way to admonish me. I’m just some 20-something year old stranger on the internet with some unpopular opinions about the genders of some random characters from an Indie Webcomic from 2009. Me saying I think a character is a girl is not an excuse to treat me as one would their shrink.

Despite everything - and partly even because of it - I maintain that transfem!Dave is genuinely just more canon compliant and textual than transmasc!Dave ever has been or ever will be. I can’t stop people from having comfort headcanons, but that’s also not changing the fact that a critical part of Dave’s character is that she was raised as a man, and that she really hates just about everything about that fact. You kinda have to face that reality, whether you like it or not. You can willfully ignore text, but you can’t write over it, you feel me?

Also, her name is still just Dave to me. This feels right. Not Dove, or Dana, or whatever else people are arguing about. Just Dave. She’s Dave of Guy. And we love to see it. Some people just don’t change their names, and that’s always cool to see.

[zxombii]

💉🫀🦴 ︵ " Ticcin' Time Bomb! "

( ♡,, › ｏ‹ ,, ) — ❝ was inspired to make this eheheh (mix of headcanons and just yapping) ❞ mimi says.

︶︶ . ˚ ticci toby headcanons ⑅

— gender non-specified, reader not really mentioned. warning for an animal death, wounds, and unhealthy obsessions.

— contains ticci toby, mentions of others.

to silly for his own good and gets into mischief occasionally, but if he is having extra aggressive tics or just them happening more then usual, bpd acting out, etc.: he usually opts out and becomes that midwest emo (whos kinda mean) we all love and adore once more.

gay in denial. “i wish u were a female..” type thing. wompwomp for him👎

^^ as he has gotten older, i think he has hesitantly come to the fact that he is bisexual. possibly pansexual. he doesnt know how to feel about all this lgbtqia+ stuff.

he stole a golden retriever from someone and had it as a pet but was like, really bad at taking care of it. the dog died in under a month and the stench of dead dog stayed in his room for a good while (gross..)

when he loves someone, he Loves someone. like, his love gets to the point of an unhealthy obsession😕 he never felt love truly when a kid so he seeks it out from those around him (usually from older ppl aswell).

only numb to pain, not numb to both pain and weather. he overheats easily as he dislikes taking off his face wear cause of his scars,,, although since he is numb to pain—as long as he doesnt look in a mirror—he kinda forgets its even there, including the other gashes he has contained that covered his skin. face color drains immediately when he remembers the scars he has obtained. poor little guy☹️

goes from listening to washing machine heart to listening to the most country music ever. lowkey weird music taste. up for anything anyways. (<- self indulgent)

kinda dumb lowkey👎 dont ask toby for help on anything school related that needs genuine brain power. he can do addition, subtraction, times, dividing (barely).. and thats all he really remembers (BOOO SLENDERMAN TOMATO TOMATO TOMATO /j). will send the person to someone else if he doesnt know tbh😭

kinda brain rot talk. BEN somehow roped him into speaking like that and does say alpha sometimes as a joke to the others. EX: “oh a-alpha,” he would say in a dreamy voice with a sigh, stifling back a laugh as he continued his jittery speech, “thank u ss-sso much for healing—stupid!—my wuh-wounds.”

really bad sleep schedule. with his tics and major ptsd, he struggles at night to sleep– like, fully struggles. twisting and turning in hopes that he would just go slumpt in just the right position, but ofc it was a no. stares up at the roof, rethinking his entire life.. and before he knows it, it had already became morning!! time really passes when u r just trauma dumping to urself.

remember when i said he was kinda dumb? yeah, uh, he is Not with mythology. bro is a total nerd on it cause one day he delved to deep into the internet, leaving the laptop happier then the average person would after going deep into the web of safari or google. warning for all: dont ask him anything mythology related, dont speak about anything mythology related.. yeah. yk. if u do, u have just set off a yapping man who wont stop for a good while. leaves when he gets hungry (which isnt often), so i advise u to sit tight and try not to fall asleep cause he will shake u awake with a side eye afterwards before continuing his rambling.

bro is mean if he doesnt get his way and will throw a tantrum. not a pretty tantrum will be thrown!!!

actually likes the tea parties sally does. usually only the girls like it, but he genuinely enjoys dressing up and all the socialization he can get into (certified yapperton citizen). like yeah, its childish, but he loves sally, so it flies right past his head as smth weird.

absolute loser☠️ little crybaby most likely over the dumbest stuff. definitely cried over his ice cream dropping to the floor (as if he was a little kid). grown man or not, he has the mindset of a angsty teen. atleast the mental age of a 16-17 year old who is kinda immature😭🙏

— i do not allow my work to be translated, stolen, or anything similar. everything i write is made by me and only me unless i say differently on that post. credits to zxombii on tumblr. i have no side blogs.

[puppypeter]

I very rarely think about storylines for royjamie after richmond (because it breaks my heart a little to think of anyone of the team leaving) but like it's possible that jamie would choose to stay with richmond his whole career, it's also possible that the people at richmond itself would push for him to play for *insert the name of whatever other european football team is considered the best* and he becomes a proper super star, being invited for fancy events and shit.

(In a made up world where Ted stayed in London) Roy and Jamie got together while at richmond and now Roy travels with him everywhere as his own personal coach / PA / secret boyfriend / man behind the camera of every instagram post / personal grumpy cat / number one fan / emotional support teddy bear / personal chef etc He loves being with him 24/7 and finds it fulfilling to still be involved with football and helping someone be the best they can be but without the added pressure of having to constantly step outside his comfort zone that he'd have experienced being a manager to a whole team (he's doing good with being vulnerable with Jamie, he can do it with one person that he loves and he is still going to therapy for himself to work through his own trauma/CEN/grief and is focusing on learning to be in his skin as a human being and not this fucked up idea of masculinity he's got in his head) And Roy has a private instagram account under a random username where he follows and is followed only by the richmond team/coaches/Rebecca/Higgins + Keely + Georgie & Simon + his sister and he only uses it to post pictures of food, nature, weird shit he finds in the cities they visit, and his fit boyfriend. Since it's friends only he does use captions ("the muppet had a late night last night" with a picture of Jamie asleep on the floor) and all the himbos love to comment, especially Dani's "Sexy muchachos #JOY" under every single picture.

"night out post Milan fashion week with the muppet and some lovely faces i have missed"

"one handsome dressed-up muppet in Paris"

"Elopement fit check #MyMuppet" (which sends everyone in a melt down) Here's some pics of Roy that Jamie posts instead (in his photo dumps to be sneaky but there's really a lot of roy on his profile - also they 100% got a puppy!!). Also think the proper first post containing only Roy that Jamie would post would be after they elope and it would melt down the internet (the in-universe royjamie rpf-ers especially)

(the last one is such a slutty roy pic *cough cough*)

"Roy Kent always remains 💙🪢" (somebody feel free to make an actual ig posts edit of this with better pics/captions if you fancy I will do nothing but cry and thank you forever because I have no skills but I cannot stop thinking about these muppets getting married!!)

[jobesbabe]

Treats me right / Bukayo Saka SMAU

Reader x Bukayo Saka

warnings: reader gets cheated on, Jamal Musiala as an ex (he’s not a bad person, someone just had to take the piss) maybe swearing??

A/n- I don’t see many ppl write for Bukayo so I figured I’d give it a shot! This might be rubbish but here we go 😌

Bundesligarumors

liked by xavisimonsilove,user12 and 1,387 others

Bundesligarumors: Germany’s starboy Jamal Musiala spotted making out with a girl who is allegedly not his girlfriend Y/n L/n! Does this mean the pair has split or is Musiala in hot water!!

musialaluver ugh a new girl and its not me??

xavisimonsilove guys y/n still has the photos of them together up…. he probably cheated!

user54 how sad is that

view all 95 comments

crying, your phone buzzed from an unknown number and you checked it feeling defeated.

His words of “comfort” did nothing more than provide curtesy in your eyes, but to him, It was him telling you how beautiful and wonderful you were. How no man should ever treat you badly.

You kept in contact with Bukayo, and there was an obvious spark there, but you were scared to ignite it because of Jamal, and how you had seen the “Wag life” turn so sour before.

That modeling gig though, It changed the course of you and Bukayo’s “friendship”

yourusername

liked by bukayosaka87, yourbff, and 894,711 others

yourusername: Chanel. Timeless, iconic, THE BRAND.

bukayosaka87 WOW. 🔥🔥

trentarnold66 Bukayo what are you doing here man??? bukayosaka87 enjoying some chanel x y/n content…. user54 bro got called outtttt

yourbff DO I SEE POCKETS ON THAT DRESS??

yourusername OMG yes u dooooo

view all 2,461 comments

finally you were not going to let your past trauma take control of you and you were just going to do it.

So what if Bukayo doesn’t end up being your soulmate! It’s just one date.

But one date turned to two and two to twice a week you were out with Bukayo. Before long, he was asking you to come to his games and support him like a Wag would.

You were his girlfriend, it made sense, but you had only ever been Jamal’s wag.

It would be new, being an Arsenal Wag for the beloved Saka, but you felt so intensely for Bukayo, you were willing to face that head on.

yourusername’s story

yourusername

liked by bukayosaka87, user5 and 643,521 others

yourusername: COYG!!

bukayosaka87 ❤️

trentarnold66 I THOUGHT YOU WERE A RED??

yourusername i still 🫶 u trentski

bukayosaka87 she just loves me more!

yourbff gunners are 🔛🔝

user54 breaking the internet w/ saka i see?

user98 real like wasn’t she just with Jamal??

user54 babe that was 6 months ago and he cheated on her…

view all 6,476 comments

bukayosaka87

liked by benwhite, yourusername and 879,624 others

bukayosaka87: happiest man on God’s green earth

trentarnold66 is this why y/n never hangs w me anymore 😭😭

yourusername i do too still hang out with you liar

trentarnold66 not enough😕

yourusername 🥹❤️❤️

view all 47,812 comments

yourusername

liked by bukayosaka87, your bff and 563,519 others

yourusername: I’M SO PROUD OF YOU B!! I know the season felt bittersweet, but I’ll always remember how you put your heart into your game and how good it felt to be cheering for you in those stands of the emirates 🫶 Here’s a lil photo dump of my manssss

bukayosaka87 aww baby ❤️❤️

yourusername I love you!

bukayosaka87 I love you more!!!

yourbff It couple for real

user88 i love them

bayernmunichlover i don’t ship.

user6 nobody asked youuuu

view all 3,418 comments

yourusername

liked by harrykane, bukayosaka87 and 658,912 others

yourusername: I know it’s not the result you wanted but I’m proud you made it this far and how you played 🫶

bukayosaka87 time for holiday with my bae yeah

yourusername It’s long overdue 🙂‍↕️

yourbff england’s best!!

bayernmunichfann how did it feel to be back in germany?? 😏

user52 shut up you incel

view all 76,544 comments

bukayosaka87

liked by yourusername, trentarnold66 and 635,215 others

bukayosaka87: You know I treat my girl right 🏝️🍹

yourusername hell yeah you do

yourbff bukayo i need an invite next time!!

trentarnold66 cuuuuuuuute

user3 awww look how happy she isssss

view all 61,492 comments

yourusername

liked by bukayosaka87, user7 and 324,819 others

yourusername: i ❤️ my mannnnnn

bukayosaka87 my girllll

yourbff i know he treats you good!!!!

yourusername yes he doessssss

user62 y’all are the cutest and i swear this on my life

view all 47,710 comments

[osachiyo]

please for the love of god, read my rules before interacting/requesting.

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒

do not steal/copy/repost/translate ANY of my works. plagiarism is not cool.

I write and interact with nsfw stuff so minors (-18) please don't interact with my blog. I am not responsible for anything you consume on the internet.

this blog contains dark content. if you are uncomfortable with that, I suggest you click off and don't attack me. just because I think something is hot in fiction, that does not mean I condone such acts in real life. fiction is not reality, keep that in mind.

be patient while requesting. I have a life outside of tumblr and this is not my first priority. please remember this is just my hobby, not a full time job and don't rush me/demand things from me because I will most likely ignore your ask if you do.

be nice. I write for fun, please remember that. writers don't owe you anything, and I'm not being paid to do this, so have decent manners while requesting

please refrain from trauma-dumping in my askbox. While I do love talking to you guys, please refrain from sending me extreme stuff. I understand if you are going through something, but I am a stranger on the internet, not your therapist.

any anon hate, threats or bullshit like that will be ignored or I'll most likely clown on you.

don't bring any drama in my askbox, especially not about other creators. this is a writing blog and we're just here to be horny and read stuff, not partake in any drama's.

absolutely no kind of discourse. but I will speak up if I sense some bs going 'round and esp if it involves my moots.

refrain from giving me criticism unless it is asked for.

be specific but not too specific please, like paragraphs after paragraphs. only a few sentences should suffice.

don’t spam like me. if i spot that someone’s spam liking my work without a single reblog, it’s a block. if I spot you liking 5+ posts without a single reblog, you'll get blocked. remember, likes don't share my work, reblogs do :)

if you're gonna send me fanart that doesn't belong to you, please please PLEASE credit the artist in the ask, or just don't send it at all.

please don’t spam my inbox. i receive lots of asks and i try to answer as many. sending me constant asks makes things harder for me and doesn't increase the chance of me responding to you. i’ll delete them or just ignore them to avoid spam.

𝐈𝐅 𝐘𝐎𝐔'𝐑𝐄 𝐀 𝐌𝐔𝐓𝐔𝐀𝐋

if you wanna break mutuals then hard block me. if you soft block i'll most likely think it's a glitch and follow you again. please DON'T just unfollow and have me still following you.

please don't feel offended or attacked if i block you.

if you have a problem with me, don't be shy to dm me about it. don't subpost about me, because i WILL see it. let's handle shit like adults, yeah?

tba

Stuff I don't write ↓

amab/male reader + etc, pseudo/step-cest/incest, necro, vore, character x character, age regression, lolicon/shotacon, ddlg, foot fetish, bukkake, gang bangs, pedophilia, Mori, breast feeding, watersports, piss kink, domestic abuse, brainwashing, scat, cbt, food play, snowballing, race play, m-preg, knotting, bestiality, eating disorders, wound fucking, heavy bleeding, milf! reader, shock play, shoe licking, high school au! setting (nsfw), panty sniffing, sounding, race/color specified reader, oc's, SUKUNA, aging up minors etc. — these are subjected to change.

any confusions? don't be afraid to throw me an ask !

↪ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐒

[lotusmi]

my success, my failures

honest post about my current life and thoughts on void 💌

Hi angels, this my most personal post and I don't know why, i felt like posting this. This is going to be an honest long post about my loa journey, void journey and whatever how my life went after I realized I was in control.

At first point I would like to recall: I am not a void state blog, I am not a void "master" (I am not assuming this, In 4d I sure AM!). My blog is more about LOA, the Neville Goddard Law, the Edward Art Law. The simple, beautiful Law that I felt in love with. I like the void state method, I have entered it a few times, I'll be talking on this in a while, first I'll tell my story until here on how I left the worst circumstances...

As I was someone like most of people are, I thought I was not the operant power. I have known the law of attraction for 7 years, and I belived I had to "beg" the "universe" to give me things, I would write letters to the "universe" asking for my desires, then I would try to have "good energy", write down million of affirmations in future tense and then wait in hope to be "deserving" of them.

As time passed by, I yes, had manifested some things with this law of attraction thing, but I never changed my state, my mindset, I did not even knew what was those stuff, I would still let myself imagine bad things happening to me, I felt unwanted, ugly, unlucky, with no freedom. I had also lots of limiting beliefs, had to drink water to subs work, listen to then million times, be deserving, be positive, afirm without saying "no/never" etc.

Things were getting worse, I felt always more unwanted, different, unlucky, inferior, all of that. My life was getting shitty, I would imagine me having fights with my parents, me crying, I would see myself as an victim of the world, and I stopped even trying to have optimism and using law of attraction, i literally gave up. At this point I had lost my faith, so I lived all my days complaining and begging God, universe, deities to "save me". In this phase I suffered like never, I was super depressed, my home was toxic and i mean TOXIC. I was anxious, I wanted to kill myself. I wanted to break free.

So at this point I was in the worst months of my life, I was not allowed to even have friends or use internet for more than 7 months straight. The things they did to me... I am even embarassed to tell about those things. I had to decide on persist or give up. So I said to myself I would do my better to ignore my outer-world and stop letting those things affect me, it was not easy. I would hurt myself and have a lot of anxiety crisis, but I found my peace within, I started living in imagination and seeing in my imagination what I most wanted to have, be. I was being delusional, I did not even knew about all of this LOA thing. I just wanted to escape of my reality.

In less than 2 months everything changed. I was more happier, and I was now allowed to do my things again, talk to friends, have my computer and all of this. I did not knew It was me, I thought it was a miracle.

Life went by, I fell in love, my selfconcept was shit, he dumped me. Still, at that time I did not knew about the law. I did not knew he did that because I assumed. I would imagine that he did not loved me, I would imagine him saying "it is over" at the point I would cry imagining, I felt that real, so I manifested. I was the cause. I did not knew.

After all of this I wanted to love myself and take care of me, I started learning about spiritualy, I learned that I am part of God. That I am God experiencing being human. I walked in love, started healing my trauma, I got a lot of it. In a meditation trying to communicate to my "higher self" I entered the void, blue gray, peaceful, beautiful... So still... I there naturally affirmed "I am calm, happy, love, ethereal". After this day everythin changed and I had no more reasons to be sad, I was healed.

But I was still in love with my ex and I only discovered the law because of it, I searched on how to manifest an ex, yea. It did not worked since of I let old story, circumstances, "false free will" let me down. But I discovered the neville subreddit, then the loatumblr, then the void, WHAT WAS, the void. And got to know I had entered it once, I wanted to do it again. I entered more of 3 times maybe until now, and also got some I AM state experiences. (They not the same to me since i feel emptiness from void and wholenesses from I AM + I AM state is golden and I see myself in other people bodies).

I learned about void with Halokisses, but at that point I thought it was some magical place, months passed by, my void concept got better but I still let circumstances bother me. I was not also doing my best to enter it to be honest. I was manifesting my life to be great even while manifesting entering in the void.

♡ What happened by this last months is that I just realized I love my life now, I love myself, my body, my friends, I have time to me, I have enough money to buy my things, I am free to do a lot of things. I never am bothered by circumstances + senses since I am in control of my states. and this made me feel like I don't even need the void altrough I still am going to enter it again, my void concept is beyond perfect right now that I fully know WHO I AM. At this point I am just so saturated about void that I relaxed about WHEN entering again because I am full convicted that I can do this and that I don't "NEED" it.

What I am trying to say is, circumstances does not matter, and you all don't need the void! You all need yourselves. I also want you to know that I AM not a "void master blog" all of that. I am someone who won the circumstances and manifested things, I am someone in love with Neville that want to help people, I am someone that did some subs for helping other people.

I know how it feels to be in a toxic home, feel ugly, be unwanted, have no friends, no money, be depressed, be anxious. I only told you the last 3 years of my life. I know how the void seems to be the only "way" and all of that. I know how it is like to just have someone to say "I am entering it for you" or wonder "When is my time?", I know how is like to think "you are the only exception" I know the void for about 8 months and I did not gave up. I manifested lots of things even while manifesting entering it. ♡ ALL I did was to change the story I was telling myself, the assumptions I held about me. I understood that 3d reflects 4d and so no matter what, everything is possible.

So please, stop begging me to "enter the void" for you or say "I can't do x so do for me". I am doing ALL I NOW can do to help you, I do posts, I reply asks, I make audios, I assume you all can do it. As soon as I enter the void I am of course affirming for you there. But until now I NEED, no, YOU need to save yourself, because even WITHOUT me, you can do this. YOU ARE THE CREATOR.

You don't have to pass by all that I had passed to realize WHO YOU ARE.

♡ My success story is I myself, I saved me. I am not depressed anymore, I am calm, happy, I am free. I never thought I could love myself this way!

₊and as soon I enter the void again, I will post my success, do more challenges, and I am even thinking of entering for it for you.

I hope this had inspired you and cleared things about me and my blog, I hope we all can help ourselves,

with love, Lotus - because I rised from mud. 💌

[xocasper]

it’s beautiful how dynamic life can be.

when the internet found me, i was sick. i wasn’t dying, it wasn’t terminal, but i was undoubtedly decaying with every passing day. i spent weeks in bed, sleeping and starving, and some nights i’d mindlessly wander through dark parts of town. and i can tell you with 100% certainty that none of that is as poetic as it sounds.

when i left tumblr, i was nearly dead. genuinely. i would not like to trigger anyone, so i am warning you now that the next paragraph will cover a severe eating disorder.

i will keep it as simple as saying that i had a bmi of 13. i couldn’t leave my room. i was on a mood stabilizer that decreased my appetite. my body physically rejected and regurgitated everything i ate. my stomach was swollen to the size of pregnant person. i looked like i was a good seven months along. my body was holding onto every nutrient it could find. i lived with my parents at the time, and they body shamed me and constantly commented on the size of my stomach. my dad stood in my bedroom and watched as i chugged an entire bottle of magnesium citrate because he believed it was constipation, not starvation. no one wanted to help me in the ways i needed. to this day, i have no idea how my body survived that much trauma.

that was a year ago.

in a single year, i gained twenty pounds. i fell in love. i discovered that i am not aromantic, but simply cannot harbor romantic feelings towards men. i faced years of internalized homophobia due to religion with that realization. i had my first true heartbreak. many of them, over and over with the same person. the relationship was so toxic towards the end that they caused me to get re-diagnosed with type 1 bipolar. and no, i am not passing blame. i faced harassment and lies and stalking from them and their friends. it sent me into a manic episode so severe that i flew thousands of miles away because i believed that if i stayed, i would end my life—hence the re-diagnosis.

this is not all a trauma dump though.

life IS dynamic.

i finally think i’m beautiful. i’m learning to love my body. i’m accepting of weight gain. i’ve decided to enroll in college and will be leaving an incredibly toxic environment to stay on campus. i got a better position at work. i have wonderful friends. i stopped drinking excessively. i saw one of my favorite music groups live. i went on vacation for the first time in years. i left a debilitating relationship the day before my birthday. i must’ve cried too much the day i broke up with them because for the first time in years, i didn’t cry on my birthday. i got a surgery that changed my life in a million ways.

i’ve felt things i didn’t know were possible. i’ve cried until my eyes were swollen shut the next morning. i’ve had pregnancy scares. i’ve had ER visits. i’ve earned money and i’ve burned it. i’m in love with a girl.

i’ve learned that life is not fixed. change is possible. love is possible. the internet is not lying when they say that the sickness won’t last forever. the pain is temporary. this is not the end of the road.

i have more notifications than i can count. i have more followers than i ever imagined. but this isn’t about the numbers—it’s real, tangible proof that people will love you when you’re gone. you will not be forgotten, so do not leave. it’s worth it to stay. it’s okay to take a break, it’s okay to hit the bottom of the well, and it’s okay to stay there for a while before you have the strength to pull yourself back up.

i’m incredibly grateful for everyone who read my work. whether you clicked on one or devoured my masterlist, thank you. you appreciated the only thing i loved about myself. i’m proud to say that there are so many things i love about myself now, past my writing and creativity.

you are all beautiful, kind people. it’s not always easy to see that, but existence is the most beautiful thing in the world. every day, you exist, and that in itself is a remarkable thing.

so thank you, for everything. i hope to hear from you soon.

xo,

casper

[gor3sigil]

Watched a video where the dude talked about how he missed the "old internet" and how it's getting more and more difficult to form meaningful relationships online, that people mostly want to spread positivity or be seen as activists or advocates for x y z.

And I have to say, I agree. I'm 27, I didn't live the earliest days of the Internet, but something I vividly remember is how people would have blogs with long long posts about their lives like a public diary and man it was so great to read. I remember some of them like I read them yesterday just because it was THAT impactful.

When I started to get out of the nerdy forums and chat rooms I was in and hang out in "modern" social media, I HATED it. Like, every fucking bit, everything felt so fake and to me, it's even worse now, a decade later.

Idk man I just hate small talk IRL and online and all this shit where people are suddenly "trauma dumping" as soon as they go a bit deeper than surface level conversations, I just can't. It's like people are just scared to talk to one another even online when it used to be the only place I could be myself and make friends.

That's why I like it here, I love to see long ass posts about everything and anything and people just be their weird selves. Sometimes I'm sad I didn't get to experience the "golden age" of Tumblr because I'm french and couldn't read english at the time and this site wasn't that used by french people. But I'm glad this site is still going strong because that's one of the only place online where I still feel people are genuine and interesting lmao.

Maybe I'm just a dick but being an adult with very few friends in need of deeper connections is lonely.

[sea-lanterns]

Can I vent about something? All my friends are asleep and I have no one else to vent to

While I do hope whatever rough time you’re going through gets better, I don’t think venting in someone’s tumblr inbox is a good idea. I love and care for all my fishies, but I’m also quite literally a stranger on the internet who makes content to entertain others. I just feel like it’s not right to subject strangers on the internet to sudden vents or trauma dumping, as not everyone has the right mental capacity to handle things like that.

If it helps, I recommend typing everything you feel in a notes app or something to vent it all out, then when a friend or close person wakes up, you can talk it out thoroughly in private. I hope this doesn’t come off as me dismissing your problems, but a stranger tumblr user’s inbox is no place for venting. Nor is any stranger’s DMs.

I wish for the best for you though! Hope things get better <3

[ghostsbimbo]

the boys & hearing a song from your phone on shuffle a/n: nsfw songs ahead <3 ur welcome. tw: some songs contain heavy subjects such as rape.

simon "ghost" riley - good lookin' by dixon dallas

He's bouncing off my booty cheeks, I love the way he rides I can hardly breathe when he's pumping deep inside I kiss him on his neck and then he kisses on my bussy Call him "Daddy" while I holler Man, that boy so damn good looking (looking, looking)

He has a thousand yard stare as you try to contain your laughter at the song. you love this song, and the artist in general. You originally found him when he was just doing rap, his name being iamjakehill. you completely embraced both the pop punk (ur pretty) project & the country project of his. and now, you're showing your lieutenant one of his very gay masterpieces, despite the artist being a very straight man.

könig - dana dan by bloodywood

Not all men, yes, all men Need all men for what we're solvin' Can't be what it's been but we're evolvin' You see for yourself now get involved in Talking all in, do more, boy, it's a war Chainsaw to the dead weight, leave it raw Bloody galore as we clean out the core Yeah, we do it for her, so we kick in the door

he definitely looked up the lyrics, meaning behind the song, and translation as soon as it was over, and with that he found a new band to listen to. listen, the dude may basically be a war criminal [ they all fuckin are, lets admit it ] but he sure as hell would fucking destroy a rapist as soon as he had the opportunity. all of them would.

john price - i threw glass at my friend's eyes and now I'm on probation by destroy boys

But fuck you! You're so old, dude! Like seriously, what do you think you're doing? Your hands are so big and you're so tall, wow! You know, I kinda wish I had let you do that one thing that one time But in retrospect, it would've been a bad idea 'cause You don't care about me like I care about you so I feel bad

man, this dude felt this song was a personal attack on him. yes, y'all had an age gap, but you needed to assure him he was perfectly fine, and you just liked the song because of trauma prior to meeting him. being a kid/teenager with unmonitered internet access really fucked you up, buddy.

keegan p. russ - chokehold by sleep token [ cover by will ramos ]

So show me that which I cannot see Even if it hurts me Even if I can't sleep Oh, and though we act out of our holy duty to be constantly awake

to say he loved the dudes voice would be an understatement, and then to figure out it was a cover of a song and he heard the original? the man was offended you kept will ramos, his band lorna shore, and the band sleep token from him. his phone would end up being filled with both bands discography.

kyle "gaz" garrick - to the hellfire by lorna shore

Accept this descent into the night Releasing your grasp to induce separation Plunged into the shadows Lost in sensation, we're free falling down into the everblack Can you feel it? These pins and needles

He got scared. He also wondered how you could understand what the guy was saying the whole time. He got VERY confused when the pig squeals started - confused enough to ask if they had a pig in studio. You laughed and explained that no, the vocalist that was screaming - Will - did it all himself. It then lead to you info dumping on the genre of music as a whole.

johnny "soap" mactavish - pisces by JINJER

No promises I ever give Don't rely on me and I won't deceive The beginning or the end you can't tell When I wave my fin and shake my tail I grew in different normality With unblamable morality Hooks and nets are there for me But I'm skittish

The soft voice is what got to him, his eyes going wide when he heard the screaming. He didn't believe you at first when you told him the woman singing was also the one screaming, too. - "No fuckin' way is that a bonnie doin' that." - so you pulled up the song on youtube, and then also pulled up a few live videos of the band, too. He believed you after a few videos, and may have gotten a little jealous when you said she causes you to have a MAJOR gay panic. You also state you wish you had the same amount of talent as her, especially with the screaming.

[love-me-satoru]

really need new internet friends who would love to trauma dump with me.

i also really feel like i need to talk to someone to get clean and i don’t know if ill actually follow through

or might just end it all.

my birthday is literally this saturday. But i don’t even feel like i deserve any sort of happiness since i keep lying about my recovery.

Also i haven’t eaten a meal since friday. lost 7 pounds since then. i’ve always wanted to lose weight. i just didn’t expect it to be a very dangerous way.