#I love the struggle and the feelings of betrayal that come with finding happiness again

[himasgod]

Wanderer x Cheerful! Reader Headcanons

Where you are traveling companions, and he is gentle with you while you are hyperactive and cheerful.

A series of headcanons based on the relationship you would have with Wanderer if you were a bit clumsy, but very happy and hyperactive. It contains a NSFW section and each headcanon section has sample dialogue.

While you talk non-stop about seemingly trivial things, the Wanderer stays silent, listening to you with a mix of exasperation and fascination. Although he pretends not to pay attention, he can remember every detail of your stories.

"And then the cat jumped off the roof and landed right in my arms! Isn't that amazing?"

"More amazing would be if you stopped risking your life for stray animals."

"I wasn't risking my life! I just wanted to help him."

"Of course, because you're the heroine of all the cats in trouble."

He acts like he’s annoyed by it, always having sarcastic comments ready to respond to your quips, but he actually loves seeing you cheer up. Your laughter is a sound he’s learned to value.

"Look! I bought this ribbon for my hair. Don't you think it looks pretty?"

"I don't know what's worse, the ribbon or the amount of time you spent picking it out."

"You're so insensitive! I'm not asking you anything again."

"It suits you, by the way."

Your energy often brings him out of his state of alienation. Although he finds it hard to admit it, being with you makes him feel more connected to the world.

At first, the Wanderer finds it difficult to fully trust you. His fear of being betrayed makes him keep an emotional distance, but your warmth and patience manage to break down his barriers little by little.

"Why do you always act like you're waiting for me to betray you?"

"Because betrayal is the only constant thing I've ever known."

"I'm not like everyone else ."

"That's what everyone says."

When he feels overwhelmed by his past or his internal struggles, it is with you that he finally allows himself to be vulnerable.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. Just… stay here."

"I'm always here."

"I don't know why you trust me so much, but… thank you."

Sometimes you stay silent, resting your head on his shoulder as he closes his eyes and strokes your hair gently.

He loves to make you blush, Wanderer enjoys seeing you embarrassed too much. It can be as simple as getting too close to you or murmuring something in your ear with his low, soft voice.

"Did you know that you look cute when you're focused?"

"What are you saying?! Don't just say things like that all of a sudden!."

"What's wrong? Can't you handle a simple compliment?"

Your reactions are his weakness, even though he constantly annoys you, if someone else tries to make you uncomfortable, his protective side comes out. No one can bother you except him.

"What's someone like you doing traveling with him? You're probably more of a bother than a help."

"Say it again and make sure you have somewhere to hide afterward."

"Wanderer! It's not that big of a deal…"

"I don't care what they think of me, but no one has the right to talk to you like that"

Although he is not the type to openly express affection, his subtle gestures speak for themselves. He places his large hat on your head when the sun is shining hard. He makes sure you always have enough water or food during your travels.

If you're hurt or tired, he stops immediately, even if he pretends it's for practical reasons.

"It's so hot here! The sun is burning my head!"

"I'll give you my hat. Stop complaining and keep walking."

"Thanks… but you could say it nicer, you know?"

"That would be unrealistic."

His touches are slow and deliberate, as if he's afraid of breaking something fragile. He prefers quiet moments where he can hold your hand or play with a lock of your hair while you talk.

"Why do you always look at me like that when I'm talking?"

"Because you make those weird hand gestures. It's… entertaining."

"I don't make them weird!"

"Of course not"

Your joy brightens his darkness, your optimism helps him see the world from a more positive perspective. Although he doesn't say it out loud, he realizes that you're a constant light in his life.

"Isn't the sunset beautiful? It's like the sky was hand-painted."

"It's just light refracted off water particles."

"You're so boring! Just admit it, you like it too."

"Maybe a little"

His calmness balances your energy, when you're too excited or anxious, his soft voice and serene presence help to reassure you. Sometimes it's enough for him to take your hand and say, “Breathe. I'm here.”

"Let's go explore that forest! What could go wrong?"

"A lot of things. Starting with your tendency to run without thinking."

"But you would protect me, wouldn't you?"

"That doesn't mean you should purposely put yourself in danger."

Although you're opposites in many ways, you both find something unique in each other that makes you feel complete. To you, he's a safe haven; to him, you're the spark that keeps his soul moving.

Sometimes you argue over silly things, like who's right about a road or how to cook something. It always ends with him winning with his logic and you throwing a pillow or an indignant look at him.

"I told you this was the right path."

"And I told you maps don't lie."

“Then the map is wrong!”

“Or your sense of direction sucks.”

He likes to give you nicknames that annoy you but that you find strangely cute.

“That silly smile again? I should call you ‘Little Sunshine.’”

“That's not a nickname! And I don't have a silly smile.”

Even though it's rare, there are times when your clumsiness or your witticisms make him genuinely laugh. When you listen to him, you can't help but stay silent, admiring how beautiful his laugh is.

“I’m fine, don’t worry!”

“You’re a walking disaster.”

“Are you laughing at me?! It’s so weird to see you laugh!”

“Don’t get used to it.”

NSFW.

You notice that something strange is happening when you're talking about anything stupid nonstop and his gaze has a different kind of shine, one that's not curiosity. When you notice that predatory shine and something dark in his eyes, while his pupils descend towards your lips wet from talking so much, you know what he's thinking about instead of paying attention to you.

And so, at the moment when you continue talking, distracted by seeing his eyes like that, you get stuck while speaking and a small smirk covers his lips as he asks you, please, to keep talking.

So, while you are both distracted and trying to continue talking about anything, you notice how his hand absentmindedly travels to your thigh to give it a squeeze.

You're cooked. When Wanderer wants something, he gets it, greetings.

He teases you, whispering in your ear that you dare not continue talking as he begins to lower his lips to your neck.

Likewise, as he fucks you, he murmurs that he would love to see your hyperactive smile that you hide while you bite your lips desperately trying not to moan his name so as not to give him more reasons to tease you.

In truth, he is much softer with you, so those moments are something special. Protect him, he loves you very much, do not hurt him.

Here is my masterlist, in case you are interested in any more of my work or want to send me a request <3

[thesilvertheorist]

• headcannons 1 (angst) •

Masterlist

angsty headcannons because i like to cry

✁------------------------------------

✦ five can't process emotions well because he's been programmed to ignore his own, bury them deep so even he can't find them. he feels slightly ill when he realises he's feeling happiness/excitement; they feel alien to him, which spurs him into a spiral of guilt and shame

✦ five doesn't like apologies - to him, if you acted against him in the first place, that's a betrayal, and he now can't trust you like he once did [he then proceeds to isolate himself and turn his negativity inwards - spiting himself]

✦ five feels despondent in his own body, ever since the Commission altered it. he avoids mirrors if he can, averting his eyes if he can't. he gets spooked seeing his dopple in '63, eyes tracing the face of the older-looking version of himself, wondering if his feelings match the worn-out dullness of ageing skin and crows feet. this feeling offset a little when five's current body starts to age (although still ridiculously younger than he is) with the passage of linear time in s4. [even going so far as to adpot a 'tache when he's in 'disguise']

✦ five often doubts his figures, during his apocalypse numbers were the only thing he could trust, but now - as he's surrounded by life again, he doubts their integrity and rewrites the same equation over and over looking for a different solution. after coming to the same conclusion, he settles on the fact that he's fucked up and now cant even do simple quadratics.

❺ when five jumped ahead to the apocalypse at 13, he made his way through the city, foraging for anything he could find using a mental map of how he remembered the city, plus scraps of street maps he found at what used to be the bus station. when he jumped back to 2019 at 58, he made his way around the city remembering how it looked in the apocalypse, wondering if he was imagining society functioning as normal again. he inadvertently tested this theory by crossing halfway across a road and almost letting a car hit him, surprised when he felt the rush of wind hit his body and, what must have been, panic in his veins.

✦ he actually hates black coffee...five loved coffee as a pre-teen, he'd sneak out with the others to the diner and sneak coffee with cream and one sugar when he thought he wasn't being watched. when he jumped forward, he couldn't find the coffee he liked or the ingredients to make it, only instant coffee and dry roasted beans. so he made himself a cup as best he could and forced himself to down the gritty, tar-like substance as a form of punishment for landing himself here and killing his family. he drinks black coffee now as a reminder of his shame, and what he needs to fix.

✦ he can't sit still for a full meal, and he feels awful when he can't finish anything that's prepared for him. his stomach is so tightened with stress that he's basically running on fumes and caffeine, he tries to eat at Hotel Oblivion but only really manages a few bites before deciding that the others need the food more than he does.

✦ he has flashbacks constantly. every rime he looks at his siblings, all he can see is images of their dead bodies which he recovered after he jumped forward. he struggles with shaking the images so often that he sometimes has to look anywhere else but at his siblings - which he despises himself for.

✦ he internalises all the 'jokes' that his siblings rattle off to him about his attitude. wondering if they would have been better off without him there to give them shit all the time.

✦ five never wanted to give up fixing the apocalypse/cleanse. he spited himself for it throughout the entire ordeal and took a step back mentally to let his siblings decide his fate. he rationalised that he's the reason their lives are fucked in the first place; they have the right to take his from him. he could never pay his debt.

[sosa2imagines]

I know where I belong. Part 3

Warning- Angst and Fluff.

Two weeks.

Two weeks after everything fell apart, you got the news, the happy, selfish couple had made it official. Steve and Sharon were together. The thought alone made your stomach turn. You still struggled to understand what had gone wrong in your relationship with Steve, but Bucky refused to let you drown in those thoughts. He stayed with you every single moment, refusing to leave you alone, even for a second.

When you cried yourself to sleep, he was there, lying beside you, his arms securely wrapped around you. When you woke up gasping in the middle of the night, he was there, whispering soothing words, grounding you.

At first, you considered numbing the pain with alcohol, but Tony being Tony, had already hidden every single bottle in the compound. And even if you did manage to find one, Bucky’s sharp glare was enough to make you put it down immediately.

So the team found other ways to distract you.

Tony sent you a list of movies to watch, though Pepper had to inspect it first to make sure he hadn’t slipped in anything inappropriate. Natasha and Wanda pampered you with ice cream and face masks, telling you that heartbreak was no excuse to let your skin suffer. Sam spoiled you with food, cracking jokes about Bucky whenever he got the chance.

And Bucky? Bucky simply stayed. He was your constant. He made sure you ate, slept, and got fresh air. He reminded you, in the simplest of ways, that you were not alone.

Two months passed. You weren’t healed, not completely, but you were doing better. Until Steve and Sharon walked back into your life.

The moment you saw them, hand in hand, acting as if they hadn't shattered you.

You felt your world crack all over again. You had hoped, foolishly, that you wouldn’t have to face them for another twenty years. But there they were, standing in the common room like they belonged, like they hadn’t left carnage in their wake.

Your vision blurred with unshed tears, and before anyone could see them fall, you turned and ran.

Bucky was right behind you.

He locked your door behind him, his strong arms wrapping around you as you buried your face in his chest.

"Talk to me, doll," he murmured against your hair.

"I thought I could face him… maybe in twenty years," you mumbled, making him chuckle.

"Sadly, he's here now."

"Why is he doing this to me, Buck?" Your voice cracked, raw with pain. "The moment I saw them, it all came back. The hurt, the betrayal… it feels like I'm right back at the beginning."

Bucky held you closer. "Shhh… you love him."

You stiffened slightly, looking up at him. He gulped before correcting himself, "You loved him."

You nodded.

"It won't be easy, but we work together. We have to deal with him. You have to face him."

You swallowed hard, nodding again. Then, with a small pout, you looked up at him.

Bucky chuckled, shaking his head. "How about this? You take a nice, warm shower, and I’ll order us some pizza."

"Okay."

The hot water soothed your nerves. Bucky was right, you had to face Steve eventually, and you needed to be strong when you did. As you stepped out of the shower, you caught your reflection in the mirror. Your face wasn’t red and puffy anymore, your skin looked fresh, and for the first time in weeks, you didn’t feel like a ghost of yourself.

When you emerged from the bathroom, Bucky had already laid out fresh clothes for you. The simple gesture made your chest ache in the best way. You needed to take better care of yourself, not just for you, but for your friends… for Bucky?

Lost in thought, you barely noticed him knocking at the door, holding up the pizza box.

"Hey," he said softly.

"Hey, come in," you smiled.

He sat at the edge of the bed, and you curled up next to him, his arm automatically draping around you.

"I’m sorry," he whispered after a few minutes.

You shook your head. "It’s not your fault, Bucky. You’re right, I had to face him one day, and maybe waiting twenty years wasn’t exactly realistic."

You both laughed softly.

Bucky grinned. "Pizza?"

"Yes, please!"

After eating in comfortable silence, Bucky got up to leave, but you instinctively grabbed his wrist.

He looked at you, a silent question in his eyes.

"I'm just throwing the empty box out," he reassured you.

You nodded, a little embarrassed. You weren’t used to being so dependent on someone, but Bucky made it easy.

After everything, he still slept beside you most nights. The nightmares hadn't entirely gone away, and having him there made them more bearable. And if Bucky was honest, looking after you helped him too. In all the nights he'd spent by your side, he hadn't had a single nightmare himself.

Later, curled up together under the covers, you rested your head against his chest as he played with your hair.

"Tell me about your vacation," you murmured.

Bucky smiled and started talking—about the weather, the beautiful views, how, for once, people didn’t look at him like he was a monster.

"You see? I told you not to worry too much!" you beamed. "Did you get their numbers?"

Bucky turned red. He shook his head quickly, making you laugh, really laugh for the first time in months. The sound sent warmth rushing through his chest.

"I missed you, Buck. Not just because of what happened… I really missed you. Believe me, I can’t live without you. You’re important to me."

As soon as the words left your lips, you bit your tongue. Bucky, blushing furiously, let out a soft laugh. But he didn’t deny it.

Looking after you gave Bucky a new purpose.

At first, it was just friendship, he was your best friend, and friends looked after each other, right? But the longer he stayed by your side, the more something shifted.

Sam, being Sam, had to open his mouth one day and joke, "You and Y/n look lovely, Terminator."

Bucky scoffed at first, unaffected. But then why did his heart flutter every time you laughed? Why did his face heat up when you touched him? Why was he always thinking about you?

He tried blaming Sam, but that didn’t feel right. He tried blaming the Winter Soldier, maybe his brain was malfunctioning, but that didn’t work either.

Then, as he sat lost in his thoughts, FRIDAY's voice jolted him back to reality.

"Mr. Barnes, Miss L/N’s heart rate is irregular. She is experiencing difficulty breathing."

Bucky panicked.

He ran straight to you.

When he found you, you were curled up on the floor, hyperventilating, tears streaming down your face.

"Y/n," he breathed, kneeling in front of you. "Hey, listen to my voice." He gently cupped your face, forcing you to look at him. Taking one of your shaking hands, he placed it over his heart.

"Feel that?" he whispered. "Breathe with me. In…" He took a deep breath. "Out."

You tried to mimic him.

"That’s it, doll. Just like that. Keep going."

It took a few minutes, but eventually, your breathing steadied.

"What happened?" he asked gently.

You motioned toward Steve’s room.

Bucky froze. From inside, the unmistakable sound of moans and giggles filled the air.

His stomach turned in disgust.

Without hesitation, he scooped you up and carried you to his room. He laid you down on his bed and held you tightly, his grip firm but gentle, his presence grounding you.

That night, as he watched you finally drift off to sleep, Bucky realized something.

He had already made one silent vow to protect you, to heal you.

But now, as he lay awake, holding you close, he silently made another:

To love you.

Unbeknownst to either of you, Steve had seen Bucky carrying you to his room.

And his jaw ticked in anger.

Part 4 (Part 3 is here I hope you guys like it comments and feedback is appreciated love you all ❤️ and in the next part we'll see more of Bucky and Reader 😊)

[maevelin]

Colin Bridgerton needs to suffer meta.

Wait...wait...hear me out first!

I am one of those fans that want to see Colin Bridgerton SUFFER for Penelope yes. BUT with good reason I promise.

Because aside from the book material here in the show Colin had a different path in some stories. He believed himself to be in love and got heartbroken because of it.

He actually needs to feel that burn, that suffering to realize what being truly in love actually means. To actually feel there is no comparison to the real thing. To feel that what he believed being in love meant was not actually real or comparable in any form or way with what he is capable of feeling...for Penelope. (Book reference: This was Penelope...and this was love.)

No one can blame him for seeing Penelope as a friend so far. I think that is understandable but he also is a man who has had privilege in all his life, he has traveled the world from his secure place and is oblivious when it comes to certain things. He is a great guy, loving, devoted, honorable, a flirt and whatnot, but in order to mature he needs to go through some serious introspection. He does need to find his purpose and I would like to see that too in this season (himself as -book spoiler- an aspiring writer too).

I also want him to feel the pain and the struggle that comes with the LW reveal for him to realize that when we speak about a love of the magnitude he feels for Penelope not even what he deems as betrayal can make him give her up. It just does not matter. He will defend her no matter what, he will love her no matter what.

Let me quote Doctor Who for you (yes again):

"You betrayed me. You betrayed my trust, you betrayed our friendship, you betrayed everything I ever stood for. You let me down!.... Do you think I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference?”

THIS is what and who Colin Bridgerton is for Penelope but to get there he first has to realize it and for that he needs a shock. HE NEEDS THE DRAMA. He is a Bridgerton guys if he is not a messy drama queen who suffers then what is the point? lol... Colin needs to have that maelstrom of emotion. The whirlwind. The pain, the jealousy, the YEARNING, the realization. He needs to be brought down on his knees (I do not oppose to the literal thing btw lol) before he rises again. Stronger than ever. And on the ready to protect his WIFE.

There is just no other way. And I will sure enjoy this because this...is what falling in love is and this season is about romance and Mr. Colin Bridgerton is our MALE LEAD HERO and as SUCH I want him to earn his position which means: HE IS OUR BELOVED IDIOT! YES HE IS GONNA SUFFER. YES I WILL CHEER FOR IT. YES I WILL BE HAPPY FOR MY GIRL PENELOPE AS THIS HAPPENS. YES TO ALL!

IT IS TIME!

I waited long enough! Now bring me season 3!

[nevess]

[ don’t leave me here alone… don’t go where i can’t follow! ] -j. r. r. tolkien

🌱… description: Its been years since you last saw Anakin, still you could not help but nurture the glimpse of hope within you that kept saying the man you loved was not entirely gone. He was not Darth Vader.

🍵 … warnings: lightsaber fight, not very explicit tho. Hearthbreaking feelings ngl

🧳 … character/s: Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker x Reader

☕️ … word count: around 1k ; | date: October 9th, 2023

🗞️ back to the main menu

a/n: Disclaimer: I looked at it to see if it had inconsistencies, but its almost the same as I wrote it in the draft, so i apologize for any typos :p In other news, im looking for beta readerssss here's the post!

The tension hung heavy in the air as you faced him, the man you loved appeared to be long gone. His helmeted face concealed any trace of the person you once knew, and his voice, distorted by the modulator, carried a tone of bitterness and anger.

"Why, (Y/N)?" he hissed, his red lightsaber humming menacingly. Hearing the sound of your name coming out of his mouth and being distorted by his helmet made you shiver. "Why did you betray me? Why are you with him?" Vader’s voice dripped with a searing sense of betrayal as he spoke, as if every word carried the weight of a love now shattered and a trust irreparably broken. His tone quivered with the pain of feeling abandoned and let down by someone he had once held so close to his heart.

Your heart ached at his words, and you struggled to find the right response. "Anakin, I didn't betray you," you pleaded, your voice trembling. "I never wanted any of this. I just want you to come back to me."

Anakin's breathing was heavy, and his anger seemed to boil over. "You and Obi-Wan," he spat, his words laced with venom. "He turned you against me. Obi-wan couldn't stand knowing that I was more powerful than him, he was jealous—and now you." In all your years of knowing him, you had never heard him refer to you like that. “

“He couldn't stand to see me happy, to see me achieve what I've worked so hard for. I can't let anyone destroy it." 

Tears welled up in your eyes as you took in the heartbreaking reality of the situation. Anakin believed you had turned against him, that you were working to thwart his plans. He couldn't bear the thought of you being on the opposite side, and his desperation had driven him to this point.

A tragedy was unfolding before your eyes as you felt responsible for the total destruction of the love of your life. You watched in despair as Anakin, the man you had cherished and believed in, had been driven to this point of desperation and darkness. It was as though the very essence of the love you had once shared was being consumed by the overwhelming power of the dark side, leaving you with a deep and profound sense of loss that threatened to shatter your very soul. 

Before you could say another word, Anakin lunged at you, his red lightsaber swinging with deadly intent. Reluctantly, you ignited your own lightsaber, the green blade crackling to life. The clash of lightsabers marked the beginning of a battle neither of you had ever wanted, but one that had become inevitable. Each clash of lightsabers felt like another painful blow to your heart, a cruel reminder of what had been and what was now slipping away, seemingly beyond your reach.

As the battle unfolded, your heart was torn between love and sorrow, anger and regret. You fought not just for your life but for the man you had once known, hoping against hope that there was still a chance to bring him back from the abyss.

You couldn't help but remember the days when the two of you had fought side by side as Jedi, when love had blossomed between you. But now, that love seemed like a distant memory, overshadowed by the darkness that consumed him.

Without a word, Darth Vader lunged at you, his crimson blade slashing through the air. Instinct took over once again as a clash of lightsabers filled the space around you, the sound a painful reminder of the divide that now separated you.

As you parried his strikes, you couldn't help but see glimpses of the man you once knew, intuitively you could sense part of him was still fighting against the influences of the dark side. The eyes that had once gazed at you with love and warmth now held only a cold, distant fire beneath the black helmet. Your heart ached as you fought, refusing to believe that the Anakin you loved was entirely gone.

The battle raged on, and with each strike you tried to reach him, to call out to the part of him that had once been good, but your words fell on deaf ears. He was consumed by an indelible feeling that overwhelmed even the quietest parts of his being, an echo that seemed to never stop, and it seemed that nothing could bring him back.

But you couldn't give up, not now, not when you have him in front of you. With every swing of your lightsaber, you held onto a glimmer of hope, a belief that there was still a chance to save him. The battle was fierce and heart-wrenching, a tragic dance of two souls torn apart by the forces of destiny.

In the end, it was Anakin who delivered the final blow, his red blade cutting through your defenses, but it was not a deadly cut; you knew he did that on purpose. As you fell to the ground, gasping for breath, you looked up at him one last time, tears in your eyes.

"Anakin, please," you whispered, your voice filled with love and desperation. "You could come back to me. We all miss you," you say softly while trying to stay calm. The cut on the skin of your leg definitely burned agonizingly. But having him in front of you, with tears flooding your cheeks, you had to make him see reason. Your voice trembles with emotion. "It's okay you made the wrong choices; we'll take you back."

Anakin's eyes, hidden behind his menacing mask, seem to flicker with a hint of conflict. "I'll only hurt you again," he responds, his voice tinged with regret.

It was a cry for help, an agonizing plea that he no longer wanted to inflict pain on others. Seeing you on the ground had inadvertently triggered an internal alarm within him. He had harmed the woman he loved, the woman he had envisioned building a future with, the one with whom he had hoped to grow old.

Tears threaten to spill from your eyes once again, but you swallow hard, determined to reach him. "We'll keep a better eye on it," you insist, desperation seeping into your tone. "We'll learn to live with things, and communicate it all this time."

If this were a movie, the most tense and guilt-ridden soundtrack would undoubtedly be playing in the background. Yet, it wasn't necessary to hear the music to feel the overwhelming weight of remorse and desperation that hung in the air, palpable even through the Force. Anakin awoke from a deep, dark slumber that had consumed him for years, as the realization of what he had become, and what he had done to the love of his life, flooded over him like a tidal wave of anguish and regret. 

For a moment, it seems as if the darkness in Anakin is wavering. You can sense the turmoil within him, the battle between the Sith Lord and the Jedi he used to be. But will your words be enough to bring him back from the brink of darkness?

© Nevess 2023. My original posts are not allowed to be edited, translated and/or re-uploaded on another account or platform without my permission, nevertheless, re-blogs are accepted and very appreciated.

[maiochiruhanabiraaa]

GOODBYE ROAD (Pablo Gavi.)

"Goodbye Road" by iKON is a song that reflects on the bittersweet feelings of letting go of a past relationship. The lyrics describe the emotions of longing, regret, and sadness that come with saying goodbye to someone you cared deeply about. The road symbolizes the journey of moving on and accepting the end of the relationship. The song suggests that while parting ways is painful, it may also lead to personal growth and the possibility of finding happiness again in the future.

“Goodbye, if only I knew we'd say goodbye, I wouldn't have loved you this much,” whispered Y/N softly, her voice tinged with regret as she stood before Gavi, the man who had captured her heart so completely.

Their love had been a whirlwind of passion and laughter, but now, faced with the inevitability of parting ways, Y/N couldn't help but wonder if she had given too much of herself. Gavi gazed at her with a mixture of sadness and understanding, his own heart heavy with the impending farewell.

She couldn't help but reflect on the state of her relationship with Gavi, once filled with passion and tenderness, now reduced to a numbness that felt suffocating.

“Because our feelings for each other have become numb,” she acknowledged with a heavy heart, feeling the weight of their emotional distance like a chasm between them. The words they exchanged no longer held the power to stir emotions, as they seemed to navigate their days in a detached rhythm.

“Even emotionally hurting each other doesn't seem to phase us,” Y/N realized sadly, remembering the times when their words had cut deeper than they intended. Their love, once a vibrant flame, had flickered out, leaving behind only the remnants of sentiment that neither knew how to ignite.

“Whatever you do, we've become so nonchalant to each other," she murmured quietly, the resignation in her voice betraying the ache of realizing that familiarity had bred indifference. As Y/N gazed at Gavi, she wondered if they could find a way to rekindle what they once had or if their paths were destined to diverge, leaving their love as a distant memory of what could have been.

Their relationship, once a sanctuary of love and security, now lay in ruins, fractured by doubts and uncertainties that had seeped in unnoticed.

They couldn't shake the feeling of heartache and betrayal that had slowly seeped into their relationship. “Your interest became an obsession,” Y/N admitted quietly, recalling the times when Gavi’s once loving gaze had turned into scrutinizing suspicion. The trust they had painstakingly built together over years had now crumbled like sand slipping through their fingers.

“You were suspicious day and night,” Y/N acknowledged with a heavy heart, the memories of arguments and accusations weighing heavily on their mind. The insecurity and doubt had eroded the foundation of their love, leaving behind shards of broken promises and unspoken regrets. “You'll probably find someone new after we break up,” Y/N whispered sadly, a bitter realization settling in.

Gavi stood there, gazing at Y/N with a heart heavy with regret and longing. The words echoed painfully in his mind as he struggled to make sense of the unraveling of their once beautiful relationship. “I didn't mean to date you just to cry together,” he thought, feeling the sting of tears threatening to surface despite his efforts to hold them back.

They had started out full of hope and promise, sharing dreams and laughter, not foreseeing the tears that would eventually come. “I didn't mean to create memories to be left with pain,” Gavi acknowledged silently, his heart aching with the weight of their fading connection.

Each cherished moment now felt like a distant echo, slipping away into the abyss of forgotten promises. He wished he could rewind time, rewrite their story, and erase the pain that now overshadowed their shared memories. As he looked into Y/N's eyes, Gavi knew that despite the tears and the hurt, a part of him would always cherish the love they once had, even as they faced the inevitable goodbye.

He couldn't shake the feeling of disbelief and sorrow that had settled in his heart.

”I've once again become strangers with someone so easily,” he thought, grappling with the sudden distance that had grown between him and Y/N.

They had been so close, sharing dreams and building a future together, only to find themselves drifting apart like ships in the night.

“I didn't just love you to break up with you,” Gavi admitted softly, his voice filled with regret and longing. He had believed their love was meant to withstand any storm, but now he was faced with the reality of their unraveling bond.

“Getting used to,” he mused sadly, recognizing the painful process of accepting their new reality. Gavi wondered if they could ever find their way back to each other or if their love was destined to remain a bittersweet memory.

“Goodbye,” Y/N whispered softly.

“As we part towards the rough path,” Y/N reflected, feeling the weight of uncertainty and heartache settle upon them. They had shared moments of joy and struggle, but now their paths diverged, leading them towards separate futures.

“After you leave me, I hope you only walk on the path with flowers,” Y/N murmured with a faint smile, wishing Gavi nothing but happiness and serenity in the journey ahead.

Despite the pain of separation, there was a glimmer of hope that each step they took apart would lead them closer to finding peace and fulfillment, even if it meant walking separate paths from now on.

Gavi stood at the crossroads of their relationship, “Be careful as we part our separate lonely ways,” he thought, his heart heavy with the weight of impending separation from Y/N. Their love had once been a beacon of happiness, but now it flickered dimly amidst the shadows of doubt and sorrow.

“Forget all the memories of me as you go,” Gavi whispered to himself, his voice tinged with resignation and a hint of lingering affection. He knew that letting go of their shared moments would be painful, yet necessary for both of their healing.

“Please don't be hurt like the times you were with me,” Gavi whispered softly, his voice tinged with regret. He had never wanted to see her in pain, yet he knew that their time together had left scars that might linger. As he spoke those words, he wished he could undo the moments that had caused her sorrow, wishing instead for her happiness and peace. Gavi’s heart ached with the weight of their shared memories, now etched with the melancholy of their parting. He hoped she would find solace and healing, far from the hurt they had both endured.

Despite the ache in his heart, he knew that parting ways was the only way forward, each step leading them further from what they once were and towards a future where memories of their time together would gradually fade into the distance.

They had shared moments of undeniable happiness, but life's unpredictable turns had led them here, standing on the precipice of goodbye. They felt lost and each step echoing with the pain of letting go.

[padfootdaredmetoo]

Fathers & Family Master Post! All the family stories I have are below! (Peaky Blinders & Bullet Train)

Peaky Blinders

Grab an End - Thomas Shelby & Teen Ruby Shelby

Ruby sneaks off to a party and needs Tommy’s help - Hurt / Comfort / Father daughter feels / coming of age

Moving Out - Thomas Shelby & Little Ruby Shelby

Little Ruby has had enough of Tommy’s BS - Hurt / Comfort - father-daughter feels / fix it/ happy ending

Sick - Thomas Shelby & Little Ruby Shelby

Ruby is on death's door, Tommy and family try to nurse her back to health

Da - Thomas Shelby & Little Teddy Shelby

The Kid’s first words & Tommy’s reaction - Super Fluff

We Are Not Good Men - Thomas Shelby & Adopted Teen Daughter Pt.2

 Reader is adopted when Tommy discovers that she had been working for him as a maid at 15 years old. Extreme fluff & hurt comfort. Hugs. Nondescriptive mentions of assault and beatings

A Vacation - Thomas Shelby X Reader & Family

Tommy needs to step up as a father, when his wife is pregnant again and put on bedrest a vacation is in order. Tommy takes them to stay in Cornwall and the reader watches everyone change for the better.

A Day at the Fair - Shelby boys & Finn

The boys promise him a day at the fair and it doesn’t go as planned - featuring lots of Tommy and Lizzy, plus Arthur and John

London Calling - Shelby Sister Reader

 (Shelby sister) has had enough of her family’s nonsense, she escapes to do things on her own. Only to find out years later the cause of her pain wasn’t what she thought it was.

First Hit - Finn Shelby Comming of Age

An outing takes an unexpected turn and Finn thinks its him time to step up. Featuring lots of kid Finn, buckets of innocence, lots of Tommy, and Lizzy to the rescue.

A Monster Under the Bed - Thomas X Reader & Daughter

Tommy helps a girl with an unexpected request that leads his heart somewhere it hasn’t been before

Closing Walls & Ticking Clocks - Thomas X Lizzie & Adopted Reader

who knew verbally assaulting a nun would win you the perfect family - Series

Growing Pains - Shelby Family & Reader Sister

Reader is the youngest of the Shelby clan and is often excluded due to her softer nature. When she gets hurt at the pub one day it quickly becomes everyone’s problem to fix it and make things right

Dad? - Tommy Shelby & Little Baby Sister

The last Shelby is born just before the war, when Tommy comes back caring for her is one of the only things he finds peace in.

Red - Thomas Shelby X Pregnant Reader

Redhead Reader finds out she’s pregnant with Tommy’s babe. This follows their wonders about what their child will be like.

Betrayal - Thomas Shelby & Reader Daughter

Reader is Tommy’s daughter. When she gets involved with a boy from a rival family, she knows that there is a lot on the line. Unfortunately for her, things don’t end well, causing Tommy to recall what it was like being in love with someone who stabs you in the back

Teddy Bear - Alfie & Little Girl from the Streets - Pt. 2

The reader gets lost wandering the streets, when she sees what she assumes is a bakery she sneaks in hoping to steal some scraps…. She gets caught by Alfie, initially terrified of his big size and loud voice she realizes he’s not so bad after all.

Allergies - Tommy Shelby X Reader Daughter

Thomas meets an unspeakable setback as he welcomes his new daughter into the world

Nonsense - Reader & Little Charlie Shelby

No one can understand what’s bothering little Charlie - no one except the reader

American Girl - Shelby Family & Sister Reader

The reader finds out more about her distant family after her Grandparents pass.

Her Father's Daughter - Thomas Shelby & Little Ruby Shelby

Follow up head cannons about how much Ruby adores her father.

Dresses - Thomas Shelby & Reader Daughter

While the ladies of the Shelby family are on vacation you realize you still need to find a ballgown for the big dance. Thankfully your dad is available.

Not a Child Anymore - Thomas Shelby & Reader Daughter

Tommy struggles with his daughter as she starts exploring the world of dating - After falling for Isaiah he catches them and all hell breaks loose

Me, Adopted? - Thomas Shelby & Reader Son

Charlie & Ruby play a prank on their little brother and tell him he's adopted.

I don't want to grow up - Tommy's daughter finds herself in an uncomfortable position while all the women are out of town - father-daughter comfort fic

Bullet Train

Values - Tangerine X Reader - Series

Tangerine can't help himself and decides to mess around while on the job - resulting in a very pregnant reader trying to track him down.

Adopt a Fruit - Tangerine & Lemon & Small reader child

A young girl falls into the hands of our two favorite assassins

[numberonetacostan]

I'm glad you were able to answer my first ask lol- I just love the Paco Swap AU, since I've always loved swap AUS

Soo I'm gonna ask/yap more about the AU (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

Whenever Pickle lashed out (like right before he left) How did people think about the things he said about Taco? Like it must've been like shocking, even if they didn't talk or care much about the two of them. Just hearing someone so close to her, often defending and helping her throughout the season, just up and insult her and call her and idiot right Infront of her. And everyone knowing that she can't understand a thing- must be like jarring. And those who 'elected' themselves to help her afterwards, how could they bring themselves to explain or attempt to explain what he was so angry about? I don't think they'd ever truly tell her what he'd said, she was already extremely sad that he was gone, so trying to tell her what he was talking about? That would be near impossible.

Also on the subject of the hotel, and the language barrier. Would Pickle attempt to learn more French even after leaving? You said he knew a few phrases he would use with Taco, but would he want to learn more to maybe try and talk to her again (Btw how much French does she know? It's likely the language she knows the most, but is she like fluent?) This is mostly because of the letters. In the original Taco would send letters to Pickle, hoping he would answer, but instead he would burn them. (Don't think Paco Taco would ever burn his letters, possibly keeping them in her shell or room). But I don't think Pickle would be fluent enough in French to write, and who knows how much she would be able to actually read from it? (Due to either Pickles spelling, Tacos literacy, or even due to another contestant finding the letters before Taco did, and possibly keeping them.)

But what would even happen during Pickles attempt at an apology. Taco probably still struggles with English, even then, so would he try speaking French? Would he even be able to get though his apology? Taco just rushing up to greet him, because he was finally back? Only to see X (I kinda have this head canon that the presence of X would terrify anyone, I mean some objects who didn't know what was going on with X, like Pickle or even Test Tube in II, felt genuine fear. It must be something that just comes from Xs presence. So she'd likely be scared, if only for a split second) What would Pickle do? Seeing her body on the floor, not knowing what was going on, only for Mephone4 to come back and not be able to recover her. Would he feel regret for not coming sooner? For being too late to fully apologize? What about the contestants? Would they hear her scream?

It's likely Paco Taco would take the original Pickles place on the couch, so she'd likely become closer with Cheesy, Bomb, and such. (Bomb being one who knew that Taco primary spoke French and not English)

Erm

Just a lighthearted one next, you recently made a post of Taco and Mic head canons that Taco doesn't like anyone(?) aside from Mic looking through her shell (With permission of course) What would be Paco Tacos feeling about others looking though her own shell? What would she keep inside? (Lemons perchance):D

-

I'm a yapper, who didn't properly lok though tis one so Grammer mistakes might be in here, light hearted apologies in advance(⁠･ั⁠ω⁠･ั⁠)

Also Paco Taco is soo fun to say out loud

Hi (⁠･ั⁠ω⁠･ั⁠)!!^^ Welcome back, and thank you for saying in an ask!! :] I'm so glad you like the au so much!!! It makes me very happy!!!! X)

Yeah, they were very surprised!! They'd seemed so close, but here he is spitting insults at her when she can't even understand what he's saying. A similar reaction to how they reacted to Taco's betrayal, I suppose.

As for explaining to her why he was upset, I think they'd be vague and emphasize that it was not her fault. Pickle was mad at her, but it was because of him, not Taco. They'd be very gentle with her, and probably say it was money-related, since technically that is more or less what he was mad about.

I think it would take some time for him to start trying to pick up French for real this time, but I do think he'd do it. He'd study especially hard when he's with Mepad, since he would have access to tools like duolingo or other such apps, and because he's preparing to apologize to her and wants her to be able to understand how sorry he is.

Taco would be fluent in French, yes! And by season 2 finale, probably mostly fluent in English as well, since it's been quite a few years. She's mostly just non-verbal in general, but when she does decide to say something, by that time it makes a lot more sense. She still yells nonsense if she so desires, though. Her not understanding things is, at this point, not so much a language barrier as much as it is that she's silly and spacey and not the smartest. If she's sat down and someone explains something to her clearly and patiently, she can get it!! She's usually just not really paying attention, she's too busy enjoying herself and being silly. She has her priorities very straight, I think. So, she understands more in general, but will still get confused if she doesn't put the effort into paying attention, which happens a lot.

Pickle's letters would probably mostly be in English, since he wouldn't know that much French. He didn't put much effort into learning it, just enough to give Taco the occasionally empty platitude to keep her happy. He'd try to write in simple English, but she still wouldn't be able to read it. And even then I don't think she'd ever see them, the others wouldn't pass them on to her, they'd probably get burnt.

He'd get through most of his apology, but probably choke up at a point and she'd take out her little arms (something she still rarely ever does) and give him a big (for her size) hug!!! She would nuzzle him and probably say his name again and again!! She missed him so much and now he is back and talking to her nicely again!! She'd probably start crying too because she missed him very much.

As for MephoneX, Pickle still gets offed first in this!! He's trying to get Mic to let him stay with Taco instead of kicking him out right away, and X comes from behind Mic and deactivates him. Taco would screech and cry, and Mic would also be confused and rather terrified, but then X would start going after Taco. She'd run away screaming, ending up in the middle of the party backed against the doors the same way OJ was, and get deactivated as well. So yes they'd all hear and see her scream!!!

She probably would take the place on the couch!! She'd be pretty lonely after Pickle leaves, so I think she'd like staying out in the common area where people pass through so she has company!!

As for Paco Taco's feelings on people looking through her shell, I'd like to direct you to this post in which I mention that she bites OJ when he tries to reach inside her shell. She would not like it!! Pickle can do it because he's her forever bestie, and maybe Knife is allowed to sometimes, but she wouldn't love it when people reach inside of her. She'd bite them for trying. Yup!! She'd keep lemons, cool rocks, Pickle's old stuff because she misses him, pretty leaves, etc. in there!!

[consult-johnhwatson]

Many New Beginnings

I hardly feel I deserve so many. Multiple times in my life have I made some truly, awful, mistakes. In the past I always found myself trailing after Sherlock, and being fulfilled in ways I never thought would be possible again after Afghanistan. The very first time I was caught up in the shadow that was Sherlock, I ended up following after him - after he continuously abandoned me! I might add - only to save his arse.

So, for a long time, our relationship was as follows; He might give me a vague hint on where he would dash off to next, I'd scurry to catch up, only to find if he would have waited for me or communicate with me, the situation would have went far smoother!

I'm not sure when it started changing, or originally. If I had to pin point, it might have been around the time we first got up close and personal with a Mr. Jim Moriarty.

Sherlock must have realized, the value in communication. Something that, on surface level we managed well. On a deeper level, you've all seen us struggle with ourselves emotionally. We only grew closer, until-

The fall, everyone loves to dub it.

I had fallen into such devastation by this betrayal of trust and communication, the only thing I felt I could once trust in Sherlock, I simply forgot that this man was suffering the same as I was. That he was completely alone for those two years as well.

Only, I wasn't truly alone. I met Mary, and I would not be here today without her. I know that. So would it be a crime when I say to keep it polite about her? I loved her and she was my life. Just as much as Sherlock is my life.

Sherlock forced me to accept his apology that day in the train, but it was as genuine as I can be. This anger's always been so hard to ignore, it would come out at Mary, and it's only grown over time. Sherlock would always try to communicate, he always spoke to me. Even if it was something so unbelievable, I trusted him. For awhile, he understood. He couldn't run off without me.

This was years ago still. I know it all started declining after... Well, Culverton Smith. I wonder if I properly wrote up that case, there was so much we would love to have forgotten. Sherlock and I.

I almost lost him, and not only by the hand of Mr. Smith.

Our relationship since, has been rocky at best. I never gave up, and in his own ways neither did he. Somewhere, we fell back into this dynamic. He runs off without me, and I let him. Neither of us would have been able to tell you who started it, but relationships are 50/50, you know.

When I finally had, so hesitatingly, just gotten this relationship? I wasn't prepared, but I'd have been out of my mind to not accept what we'd always worked on wanting.

Only to see him run off with Mr. Jim Moriarty, the man who single handedly started our path of love and destruction. The fall is a sore subject, a raw wound barely treated. I was so overwhelmed with - I wasn't there to protect him! - danger, betrayal, mistrust, lack of communication, all over again!

I said and did things that are unacceptable, and I'll be remorseful for them for as long as I live. This anger, I can't guarantee I'll get rid of it completely, and I've found I was in need of professional help in this regard. It may still come out, but I am working on this. We are working on this. I am working on making sure this will not be a repeated event; but this includes working on the communication between Sherlock and I again.

I stepped back to work on this, on myself, but now I am willing to open up and look back on this space. Where we can go forward, together, in this new time. I hope that, while it's not been a long amount of time, but two months away from this all has really helped thus far. I'm happy to be back here with you, and to grow by Sherlock's side once more.

[ginnymoonbeam]

I don't hate time skips as much as a lot of people do. In particular, I'm a defender of Aof's previous time skips in Bad Buddy and A Tale of Thousand Stars. The Bad Buddy one was kind of a mean trick, but I can justify it because it let the viewers really feel the pain of what their parents are putting them through, and then put a balm on it by showing how they've stuck together and made their own private happiness all this time. Was that the only or best way to do that? Maybe not, but it did work for me so I'm not mad.

The time skip in ATOTS I actually felt was necessary for Tian and Phupha to be viable long-term. Tian needed time away to grow, to experience freedom from his parents in a different context, to really think over whether this was a romantic one-season crush or something worth rearranging his entire life for. Also, not for nothing, those kids deserved a real trained teacher, not some city kid on a "find yourself" excursion.

So with all that said: if Last Twilight does give us a long separation and then time-skip reunion, I will be BIG MAD. That is NOT the right move for this story. Crucial in Bad Buddy and ATOTS is that the separation is driven by external factors - in both stories, the couples want to stay together, and in fact do stay as connected as they can in their situations. But this Last Twilight breakup is an internal problem and they need to solve it together, by fighting it out and apologizing and coming to understand each other better. This story has not built toward a "their problems are insurmountable right now but time will give them another chance" conclusion. Their problems are extremely surmountable! They just need to face each other and do the work.

Now I'm okay if this is a breakup that lasts for days or even a couple weeks. As I mentioned before, Day struggles with holding boundaries for himself and I can see him needing to go to this extreme to make it clear how serious this betrayal of trust was for him. That's an immaturity, but it's consistent with his character. But I need to see them turn toward each other again, soon, and affirm that this love is worth doing the work. Otherwise it will make every previous romantic moment feel hollow and shallow.

Maybe that's what we'll get! Aof has pulled deceptive trailer moves before and he hasn't yet broken a romance by letting the characters' mutual commitment fail. So I'm holding my breath until we see what happens next week.

[thelonelyshore-if]

I honestly thought this was going to take me a few more days to complete, but it feels pretty complete now and I've gotta send it in before I have time to overthink it. This ended up moreso about the aftermath of Beck and Perri finding out about the fog and that MC was keeping it secret. There’s a lot of guessing about their reactions, so I may have gotten some things wrong. I had fun with it though, so I hope you enjoy it too.

So we know Perri is an anxious bean with self esteem issues. Even in the midst of feeling betrayed by MC, they may blame themself for MC’s secret-keeping. They weren’t trustworthy enough, supportive enough, good enough. Self-criticism mixing in with their pain (and likely anger!), making it even more difficult to face MC. But! They’re willing to talk things out when relationships hit a rough patch. Not comfortable about it, not happy about it, but willing. I feel like they could be the first to forgive MC. At the very least, they will be much easier to talk to about the whole dang thing. Eventually. But god, the work won’t be easy. To truly repair things, they’re going to have to be honest about the ways MC hurt them. Can they bring themself to expose their vulnerable emotions? The hurt? The anger? The betrayal? And oh, I am so certain Perri has to feel at least some anger about this situation. They may not act on it, but I’m sure they feel it. There's going to be a lot to work through before moving toward a solution.

But what about Beck? Beck, who avoids problems in a relationship rather than trying to fix them? Beck, who is so allergic to commitment that they balk at the first sign of it?

Ough, it will be so rough. Beck doesn’t want to talk about it, doesn’t want to acknowledge it, and doesn’t want to see MC, at least for a while. Because if I’m convinced Perri must be at least a little mad, then Beck must be pissed off. With everything about the situation being so bad, they just want to feel good. Recklessness dialed up to 11. But would they try to avoid MC forever? Or would they be afraid of losing that relationship? Would they rather pretend? Sometimes it’s easier to pretend. Pretend they can trust MC, that this situation has not fundamentally altered something about their relationship. That everything is ok. Pretending until pretending doesn’t work anymore. Until it all breaks.

In the end, the pieces can be put back together, but it will take effort and it will never be the same again. I’m willing to put in the work. Are you? Or is it easier to walk away and never look back?

Getting Beck to talk about it, to try to fix it, is going to be like pulling teeth. They don’t want to talk, they don’t want to listen, they just want things to go back to how they were before. But that’s not how life works. Beck’s cooperation and forgiveness is going to be so much harder to achieve (but will ultimately be worth it).

And I definitely feel like this will have to be addressed separately before it’s addressed as a team. I feel like if MC and Perri come to Beck trying to get them to talk about everything, they’re going to feel cornered and bolt and become even less likely to work things out. Oh, the struggle.

(And then there’s me, crying in the corner for a week because I obviously Ruined Everything Forever and they clearly Hate My Guts before I finally get over all the reactive emotions and start working towards actually fixing things and communicating. If Beck is avoidant, and Perri is avoidant, and I have a tendency to be avoidant…well, someone’s gotta pony up and drive this relationship. I’m such an optimist though, so I would truly believe things can work out unless proven otherwise.)

It will be hard, it will be messy, but it will also be beautiful. Beck and Perri learning that fixing a problem in a relationship you cherish can be painful and scary and so so so worth it <3 We’ll come out the other side changed, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Something something love is transformative…

Ooh, I can’t wait to navigate all of the emotional complexities of this relationship. Seeing these characters at their lowest, at their rawest, and loving them anyway (and them feeling the same way toward MC in return) askljslhgsajk. Working hard together to fix the relationship, maybe even make it better and stronger than it was before. Ehehehe <3

(I wanted to incorporate Beck’s insecurity about their relationship with MC into this, but I couldn’t figure out where to fit it so I gave up on that angle. For now. Everytime I think about Beck’s insecurity it does unspeakable things to my brain, especially in tandem with Willow’s dislike of them, and especially especially in terms of Beck/Perri polyroute. Also, dating both Willow’s third least favorite and second favorite ROs at once?? Magnificent. So looking forward to Willow’s reaction to my life choices. And Perri? I already love them unconditionally. Always have. They deserve it <3)

Thank you so much for this!! I've been chewing on it for a few days because it's soooo good and sometimes I want to hoard asks for a bit before I release them into the world.

Gonna stick my thoughts under the cut <3

I love love love reading your thoughts. I think your characterization of them both is so spot-on; you really have a handle on who they are and how they'll react.

These two and Yasmin...man the reveal is going to be good. Especially because, depending on the circumstances, there might not be time to process and fix things. Not right away. The story is going to hit a point where the Plot starts running and it doesn't stop.

I love tension between characters that doesn't get the chance to be resolved. Not right away. Gotta focus on the now, on the horrors, no time to fix this festering wound in your relationship that has blossomed between you...

God. I'm so excited.

Plus there's another layer of complexity to all of this that is going to...complicate things. I can't talk about it but I think about every day.

The Willow stuff...god. Like you're saying: navigating a new relationship/relationships with your pesky little sibling there is going to be so. Man. I'm so excited to write it. I cannot wait for y'all to meet Willow in the flesh this is all going to be so much fun.

I'm all hyped up to write the final scene of this chapter now. Beck and Perri and MC interacting is such a delight to write and that scene is going to be delicious.

[gerardway-is-my-babygirl]

Renfield Anniversary Week, day 3: Favourite Scene

I struggled a bit with deciding what to do for this prompt, since I love the glowup montage so much and what It represents, but I also have so many thoughts and feelings about the apartment scene and the gym scene.

Heres a little drabble about the last 2, since I can't pick between them.

Renfield had walked out of the apartment -- his apartment -- that morning with a new purpose, a new reason to live. He had repainted and redecorated It, repairing and undoing the damage done to himself In the process, finally freeing himself from the filth and darkness that Dracula had buried him In, finally living again. The bright walls and ugly furniture are the complete opposite of what Dracula likes, and so Renfield likes them. His apartment defies everything Dracula Is and opposes everything he had tried to surround Renfield with, a sensory overload to the vampire, while a home to Renfield. He finally had a home.

Then he walked back Into his apartment that evening with everything he had worked for ripped away from him In an Instant. His hopes and dreams, his purpose, his life, they were all torn to shreds right In front of him by the same creature who had done the same all those decades ago, back when he was In the asylum. The world around him was drained of colour, tarnished by the vampire Invading the only space he finally felt happy, destroying everything Renfield had put together with his own hands. He should have known better, he should have known not to bother trying to live again, but the Idea of It sounded so wonderful that he couldn't resist the apple handed to him, never considering the consequences and only savouring the taste.

That taste of freedom was the best thing he had felt In decades, and It had rotted In his mouth the second he saw the monster In his home. He had tried so hard to defuse the situation and calm Dracula, but he was only burned when he got too close, berated for his acts of heroism, punished for his betrayal and disobedience, mocked for his weakness to Dracula's temptation. The blame was thrown onto him as always, draining every ounce of confidence he had built up over the past day In an attempt to stand up to the vampire, leaving him weak and silent. He tried so hard to follow the advice Mark gave him, tried to fight back, tried to look to the book for guidance, but In the end he was shoved Into the corner once more and forced to cower before his God.

The apartment Isn't his anymore. It's crowded with cruel laughter and yelling that fills the air. The shadows hide the monster who he had tried to escape. Every single area Dracula touched Is ruined, forever marked with Invisible bootprints that force him back Into the corner. The Imaginary stains can't be scrubbed away, no matter how many times Renfield will try to claw at the rug with as many cleaning sprays as he can find. His life Is always going to be haunted by Dracula. His home Is Dracula's now, everything Is.

He raced to the gym to try and save the others from his destruction, to somehow protect them from being ripped from their lives by a monster who was never supposed to be there In the first place. None of them listened. None of them let him save them. Did he even try to save them at all?

He begged for Dracula to spare them, but all he did was watch when the Inevitable happened. He watched.

They all fell Into Dracula's trap, unable to move or run further than a few feet as Renfield was tossed to the side like a broken toy. At that moment he knew he was no longer necessary, and how nothing he can do will stop the vampire from Inflicting pain on anyone Renfield tries to seek help from. Dracula can't let him have anything but him, knowing that even when he destroys whatever Renfield tried to put his effort Into, that he'll still come crawling back to him.

Dracula's display of power and his unnecessary slaughtering of everyone Is nothing but a game to him, amusing him temporarily In his Immortal life as he mercilessly rips at the people Renfield finally opened up to. He thought he was a hero, but he's a monster just like Dracula, a part of his twisted game, fighting on his side no matter what he does. He can't look away from the destruction, with everyone screaming as claws and fangs tear them to bloody pieces, but he couldn't prevent It even If he tried.

He couldn't prevent Mark from bleeding out, staining his useless hands with his blood but doing nothing to stop It. He was made to destroy lives, not save them.

Mark stared Into his eyes In his final agonising moments of life, and Renfield could see his realisation that he was a murderer. It doesn't matter how hard he tries to be a hero, he can't stop killing people. It's In his nature.

He started that day truly believing that he would never spill a drop of blood again, but ended It with his hands stained red.

Even his jumper, the thing that he had worn with pride as he began to rediscover himself, was ruined. Dracula had complimented It when he entered the apartment, praising Renfield for his pathetic attempt at defying him. He had even touched It, marking the fabric with bloody hands and destroying the last shred of hope Renfield had left as Mark died In his arms.

The jumper was supposed to be a fresh start, a chance for him to redeem himself and live again, to be a person and be free. He's literally letting colour and light back Into his life again after being trapped In the darkness for so long and Dracula Is just dragging him down Into the shadows again. Whatever Renfield does, he always ends up back In the darkness, caged In by Dracula's claws and held on an Invisible leash by his rare moments of kindness.

Everything Is ruined.

[tanith-rhea]

That I may be weak with you

"Do you love me enough that I may be weak with you? Everyone loves strength, but do you love me for my weakness? That is the real test." - Alain de Botton Dorothea Delilah Darcy is a woman in her mid to late twenties, struggling to find her place in the world. A recent job opportunity as a guidance counsellor at Nevermore Academy seems like a godsend, and she could not miss it for the life of her. Still, perhaps more problems will arise than she expected. Between bubbly, extroverted students and an uncharacteristically reactive principal, she'll be forced to overcome the limitations of her abilities or separate herself entirely from the place she'll grow to call home.

Chapter Two

"... the witchery of beautiful eyes." — Odysseus Elytis

“Anyway, then I told her she could brood all she liked because, at the end of the day, she’s just pretending to be tough and will come to me asking for forgiveness,” the girl, Enid, took another bite of the red cake you finally got right this afternoon.

It had to be good because she was at her third serving and you wondered if all that energy was what made her hungry. It did quite a number on you and baking always managed to soothe your nerves.

“From what you told me it’s not the first time that happened and, honestly? I don’t think it’s the last-“

“I just wish she’d get over herself and admit I’m her friend,” Enid pouted, and her eyes shone in a strange way that reminded you of a sad puppy.

You couldn’t help a fond chuckle, “Giving what happened to all of you last semester I’m not surprised some might put up a few barriers, dear.”

Enid’s face twisted into adorable confusion. That girl could have anything she wished with that face; her earnest optimism and goodness made you want to protect her from all harm in the world.

“What do you mean? We were all attacked, I wolfed out to help her, we should be more united than ever!”

“Enid, you are very special. You’re emotionally open to others and that can be a blessing and a curse. Wednesday, on the other hand, might be on the other side of the spectrum and instead of feeling connected, she may be processing the betrayal of someone close as a sign other people she cares about can do the same.

“Perhaps it isn’t about not wanting to admit you’re her friend, but being afraid that if she accepts it, you’ll be fit to hurt her.”

That seemed to give her pause. You could almost see the gears turning on her brain, and when she came to a conclusion her furrowed brow smoothed into solemn understanding.

“It might be something else as well,” you conceded, “You’ll only truly know by talking to her, making her comfortable instead of confronting her outright. At least in the beginning.”

Enid nodded, picking at the remnants of her piece of cake, “That makes sense. When she came we could barely talk without her giving a smart-ass answer to everything I said. Even the quad was “a pentagon”,” she rolled her eyes.

It is a pentagon, you thought but didn’t voice it.

The soft sound of windchimes radiated through the office, marking the end of your forty minutes appointment. You got up with an inhale and started to gather the china to clean.

“Well, it was lovely to meet you, Enid,” you placed her teacup beside yours on your desk tray, “Will you be coming ‘round again next week?”

Enid stood up confidently and held her hand out for you to take. She smiled brightly as you took it reluctantly, her happiness making its way up your arm even through the glove and leaving goosebumps in its wake.

“Of course, Miss Darcy! You’re much better than our last therapist,” she said before realizing something and hastily amending, “Not that she was bad! Rest her soul, she was a very good therapist,” her eyes were the size of saucers.

“I’m not a therapist, dear,” you laughed a bit at the blip of terror that came and went just as easily off her face.

“Well, you’re very nice to talk to,” she shrugged.

“That I do try to be,” you smiled kindly, practised but not at all untruthful, “Until next Thursday, then.”

Enid followed her cue and left with a small nod, smiling back with that earnestness of hers. You could already feel your muscles straining to dissipate the excitement and happiness and that little bit of panic Enid shot through you.

Breathing deeply, you walked back to the chair, hoping that updating your student files would bore you enough to consume some of the bubbling energy. It didn’t; taking notes on Enid and her roommate only filled you with fondness, which nourished the restlessness and rendered you ecstatic.

You ended up stuffing it all in your second drawer and going for a run. It was about time you explored the surrounding forest; maybe you’d find good picnic spots.

Running in cold weather was one of the best things to do. Of course, you had found lots of “best things to do” in your almost thirty years of age; it’s practically all a person can do to fill the void of companionship: finding things that bring you pleasure to do alone.

Pine trees didn’t provide the lovely path of yellowed leaves you’d hoped for, but the mossy stones every twenty meters along the path supplied you with more of that fairy-tale feeling — as if in your next turn you might find yourself upon Pan’s Labyrinth or some other fantastical place.

You didn’t, though. In the next turn, you found yourself in a clearing, partly covered in leaves from where the pine forest behind the school met some of the trees that lead to the city nearby. You could see now how they were interspersed sparsely before and grew slowly more plentiful the farther away you ran. The two forests tentatively meeting — boreal and deciduous — much like the two worlds they represented.

You were sure the roles would be reversed a few yards down the path and the pine trees would be the odd ones out. The thought made you just sad enough that the last remnants of excitement died down, untightening your muscles and leaving you exhausted.

You sat down on the cold leaves, cold finally catching up to you. While you ran, the lack of sunlight wasn’t much of a problem, but now you had to untie the woollen cardigan around your shoulders and put it on.

The tiredness was catching up to you fast. The cold felt colder than it really was as your body wasn’t up to functioning exactly as it should. You knew you had to rest for a few minutes but, if you stayed there, you’d pass out and wake up blue.

You started walking up the trail, trying to be silent in case a car passed. With any luck, you could follow the sound and walk along the road until another one came by.

You mourned not being able to stay a bit longer at the clearing. It was rather charming, and you could picture building a small wooden gazebo for tea parties or quiet reading sessions. You thought Ser Barnabas would enjoy exploring the forest around, hunting small animals while you enjoyed the peace and quiet.

After a few minutes, you didn’t hear a sound as much as you saw light moving through the forest, coming from east of you. You hurried in the direction just in time to see the back of a yellow bug turning a corner sixty yards from you.

“At least I found the road,” you picked up a faster pace, hope renewed. “I’d be happier if it wasn’t barely dusk, thou– oh no, stop talking to yourself.”

You shook your head and kept walking. Soon you’d start running again.

I’ll be late for dinner, you thought, just starting to jog. I hope Ser Barnabas doesn’t hold it against me.

When you could finally see the tip of some towers behind trees, a light, accompanied by the soft buzzing of the academy’s van created long shadows on the road.

You stopped to breathe, hands on your knees, and your shadow reminded you of a tall Quasimodo or a very strange candy cane.

The van slowed to a stop just beside you. Inside, the familiar figure of a stunning blonde. If you weren’t so tired you might have spared a few seconds to take in the silk headscarf and vibrant red lipstick more carefully, but you were too eager to get anywhere warmer than the mist-covered road, getting colder by the minute as the forest sucked in all the heat.

“Miss Darcy, what are you doing out here in the cold?” her honey-tinged voice sounded almost chastising, “You must be chilled to the bone!”

Your body visibly deflated as you entered the warm space of the van, the leather seat almost hugging your tired frame.

“I lost track of time while running,” it wasn’t entirely true, but saying I severely overestimated my capability of helping your students and might be more of a liability than anything else wasn’t an option. The entire point of accepting the position at Nevermore was to get a better hold of your abilities; that you had more work to do than you thought was just as well.

The woman’s lips twisted into the smallest of smiles, although her eyes were trained on the road.

“Nevermore and its surroundings are easy to get lost into. And sometimes that makes it even more appealing.”

You had the sense she more about you than you told her. It was thrilling and scary.

“I thought I wouldn’t mind getting lost,” you started, getting a quick side glance and amused huff from the principal, “Now I’m not so sure.”

“Maybe all you need is someone to keep you on track,” the warmth in Larissa’s voice did more to assuage the cold than the van’s heater, and her arched brow and sly smile set your face downright ablaze.

Suddenly her eyes didn't look icy blue, but bright and lively as the lucky few clear skies in spring.

The divider is a cropped version of one of the lovely orange-themed dividers by star-struck-wonderland. Since you asked, @alder-saan, I hope you enjoy this :)

[lanxyuu]

!!! "both reborn but maybe something was left behind / satosugu" please omg, rebirth/reincarnation is my jam!!

- @robinainthood (really, why can't we switch blogs for asks -_-)

OMG HI IT'S JO!! Admittedly I did not recognize you for a sec LOL but very nice seeing you <3 :D

AGSJDHSHS I think the wip title is kinda misleading, I hope I didn't get your hopes up 😭 BUT I am still very happy you chose this one to ask about because it's the wip I'm most excited to work on and hopefully have out eventually!!

Concept: takes place after Shibuya where Suguru regains control of his body and releases Satoru from the prison realm - so it's more of a metaphorical "rebirth" where they both return from the "other side" of something. The main thing will be that this will be their first time in a decade just existing alongside each other again, but so much has changed and it's difficult, so they're kinda relearning how to exist with each other again after all the trauma and betrayal and differences between them :') Definitely more of a "emotions"/"vibes"-based idea you know?

Excerpt (I don't have much, but here are 2 out of context snippets I love):

If Satoru also hates the way it feels like both of them are struggling to find the right words, say the right thing, he doesn’t show it. Suguru tries not to either, but the taste of bile is thick on his tongue as he speaks. He feels like he’s forgotten a language.

+

The realization settles in Suguru like the ashes falling around a pyre—that the Satoru who entered the Prison Realm is not the same as the one who was freed from it. Like there’s some part of himself in those walls that didn't come back with him. A humourless laugh rasps out of Suguru at the thought, at how the two of them both left then were brought back in this unfeeling world. Perhaps it’s simply logical that something was left behind in the process. Perhaps it makes sense that the thing they used to share now lies dead and cold in the space between them, that the shapes of their existences don’t fit together quite right anymore.

I literally just started writing a day ago so I don't have much, but I'm loving what I have so far and I can't wait to finish it!! Thank you for tagging me again and for the ask <3

[ultfreakme]

Danmei ask, what are your top 5 (or top 7) favorite moments from MDZS? Also, can I ask why you love those 3 (JC, WWX , XXC)?

(Riki, I'm so glad when found out you also love Jiang Cheng. You must know how many haters on his character in tumblr and twitter. Like, I was blocked 4 times by MDZS lover blog, when they knew I love Jiang Cheng.)

I love reading your MDZS/ SVSSS crossover, they're so in character.....And yes, SQQ must love Sukuna and Jogo if he ever read JJK...

Thanks for the ask Anon!!

Top 7 moments:

When we find out the Jiang Cheng sacrificed himself to the Wens to save Wei Wuxian. It was dropped so casually and I had to backtrack and go "wait, wait, WAIT! DISCUSS IT PLEASE!!"

The juniors in the Yi City arc, they were so adorable, I loved reading them putting on a brave face and investigating.

Wei Wuxian murdering the crap out of Wen Chao with his sexy undead ladies. Him and Jiang Cheng together torturing him while Lan Wangji was sent out and it's like, LWJ is confused, shocked, and horrified.

The scene where Wei Wuxian's roasting Jin Guangshan at the conference post-war and everyone's scandalized. I love it when Wei Wuxian gets bitchy.

Jiang Cheng's intro scene in the donghua where he emerges from the shadows of that tree, pushing aside the leaves. That's so hot of him.

Wei Wuxian covered in blood in the second siege of Burial Mounds and Lan Wangji is defending him. That scene's so cool and romantic in all its iterations. The donghua went above and beyond and made it seem like a wedding.

Jiang Cheng giving Zidian to Jin Ling ;_; It hurts me. It's so much worse knowing that MXTX was planning on killing Jin Ling soon after to really hurt Jiang Cheng.

Reasons I like:

Jiang Cheng-

He's so complicated! You can't immediately look at him and say he's the good guy or the bad guy. I personally think he leans more towards the good guy category.

He's the perfect opposite of Wei Wuxian, he's not a genius cultivator like wwx, he had to work for every bit of progress he made. He started off simply wanting to keep his family together and at peace, but the war happened and his priorities shifted. He's duty-bound, he's always fighting and scraping to be recognized but no one ever does. He wanted so bad to help wwx, but duty made it so that he was forced to pick between his sect and wwx. Forever chained, closed off.

He's jealous and vicious and so, so angry. I get it, I understand the worst parts of him and relate to it.

Wei Wuxian-

Again, super complicated as a person. Wronged at every turn. He wanted to do good and protect people, and for that he kept sacrificing himself over and over again with little value given to himself as a person. He's got his sharp edges and cruelty too, and I feel like people often forget that Wei Wuxian's traumas and his lack of self-appreciation and value on himself show in ugly and vicious ways.

His story obviously shows a key message of MDZS, which is that when people sacrifice themselves thinking that they're protecting their loved one, they only hurt them in another way. I understood his desire to do good, protect people, but there's no one to stand at his side. The loneliness and fear that comes with fucking up so bad that no one even tries to hear you out, no one's listening no matter how loud you shout.

Xiao Xingchen:

He's like Wei Wuxian but 100% times worse and more self-sacrificial. Too trusting, too good, and everyone kept taking advantage of that without bothering to guide him or be honest with him. Like legit, no one told him what they were truly thinking.

I love that xxc wants to be a good person, i hate that he was ruined for it. God I really wanted him to have a happy ending because he's just, he's so NICE. In a world filled with betrayal and deceit, xxc wanted to spread goodness. And yet.

AAHHHHHH

I think these characters made me see the point of MDZS in a very clear way, or in a way that impacted me most. So they're my faves.

Being a Jiang Cheng liker is a struggle! I was getting into MDZS even before the donghua started airing, like around 2018 and back then Jiang Cheng hate was so bad. I kept waiting year after year for the hate to go down but it just got worse the more popular MDZS got. The misunderstandings built up too. I got black and got into a million arguments too ;_; We have to stick together!!!

i have so many thoughts about Jiang Cheng specifically because, okay I read and watched everything about 3 years ago, so I don't remember much other than my fav, so I'm always thinking about everything he did.

nbsdhfb SQQ's monster-loving ass would go gaga for Sukuna. Four armed man wrecking people??? Yes sir! (side note; big tall powerful man who is called king who is only nice to his close servant and confidante???? SQH come get your boy!)

[mi-rae07]

Hey hey, hope you're doing well. I've read all your fics and I love your writing, style and plots. If you ever feel like it and got time I was wondering how you felt about writing about Hongjoong betraying/cheating on his long term partner? Like all the worst forms of betrayal being done and his partner being absolutely broken but wanting revenge with somewhat a happy end? Anyways thank you for breaking my heart over and over again with your fics lol 💕

Kim Hongjoong : Fight For Me (Part 1/3)

Pairing : Kim Hong-joong (Ateez) and named character (Park Helena)

-------------------------

A/n : TYSM❤️‍🩹💟💐 ily.

I tried my best, let's hope y'all find this fun enough.

_____________________

Helena opened the door to her penthouse with her luggage on her side, a small relieved sigh leaving her lips. It had been 3 months since she had gone away to the US for a business trip and she had been finally back. Helena frowned as she closed the door behind her, looking around as she realized there was no hongjoong running towards her with a wide smile. He hadn't come to greet her or hug her after being gone so long, that didn't seem right.

Helena : joong?

She heard no response. Helena slowly removed her shoes and walked towards the living room, keeping her suitcase aside. She was about to walk towards the kitchen for a glass of water when a small voice interrupted her

Hongjoong : lena.

Helena quickly turned around, smiling at the sight of her boyfriend standing in front of her. But the smile slowly disappeared as she realized he was looking at her with fearful eyes.

Helena : what…is something wrong?

Hongjoong bit his lip, his eyes turning teary as he whispered in a broken voice

Hongjoong : helena.

And just by looking at hongjoong's face, helena had known. It wasn't the first time anyway. Her eyes instantly filled with tears as she asked in disbelief

Helena : did you do it?

Hongjoong : lena-

Helena : I said, did you do it, hongjoong. Again? Even after all the times I had fucking forgiven you?

Hongjoong looked down in panic, his hands clenched behind his back. It was happening all over again.

Hongjoong : ye-yes. Yes, I cheated on you.

Helena scoffed as she harshly blinked her tears away, not wanting to cry in front of this man.

Helena : and who was it this time. First it was Ava, then it was sona. This time?

Hongjoong : helena, please. Just-

Helena : answer to my question.

Hongjoong : hyein, it was hyein.

Helena : of course it was. And, would you like me to forgive you again as well? As I have been doing for the past 8 years?

Hongjoong stared at helena as she stepped closer, holding hongjoong's cheeks with fake sympathy in her eyes as she said

Helena : baby please! Please don't leave me! I'm nothing without you, nothing. You're my entire life and without you, I would die.

Hongjoong looked at helena with tears streaming down his cheeks as she laughed, mocking the words he had said to her over and over again when he had cheated before. Helena leaned forward and kissed the side of hongjoong's neck, making sure to bite down on it hard enough before whispering

Helena : you're just pathetic at this point, hongjoong. Having yourself inside other women because you can't control yourself like some teenage boy? Pathetic.

Helena pushed hongjoong away harshly as his shoulders shook from silent sobs.

Helena : I should have expected this from someone like you.

Hongjoong knew what she had meant by that. Hongjoong's mother had been a prostitute, and he was born out of a wedlock between his parents. His father left before he was born and his mother struggled to make his ends meet until she died from cancer when hongjoong was only 15. ever since then he had been struggling with a thousand different jobs, until he met helena who turned his life different. She had given him a job at the company, and that was hongjoong's only source of income.

Except now helena had compared hongjoong with his mother, saying a person like him who had a mother like that, could only ever end up like this. And it made his heart drop. But helena didn't seem to care. She turned around and left, climbing up the stairs and heading to a spare bedroom before closing the door behind her with a bang.

Small sobs left hongjoong's bruised lips as he fell to the floor, his head feeling like it was bursting. Why was his life always like this? Why did god make him out to be like this? Could he never find happiness? Never have a life that didn't hurt every single second?

______________________________

Helena remembered the time hongjoong was a very shy person, wearing ragged clothes and his entire face covered in dirt and scratches. But even then he had been beautiful to her. She remembered when she would keep trying to talk to hongjoong after her work hours, hongjoong pushing her away by saying she shouldn't be talking to someone like him. But she had kept trying, and it had eventually gotten better.

Hongjoong slowly softened up to her, and told her all that had happened in his life. She felt no pity, she only felt the love and respect she had for him increase. She had then decided to give him her everything, and she had. Hell, she was even engaged to him now.

And as she looked at the diamond ring around her ring finger that hongjoong had bought for her after having saved up money for half a decade, she felt her tears stream down her eyes. Yes, he had cheated on her. But how could she forget the hongjoong who had shielded her from a car accident years ago? How could she forget the hongjoong who despite hating the cold, would always take his jacket off and give it to helena? How could she forget the times hongjoong had taken all the harsh words helena's parents had told him without a word, in order to not make helena unhappy?

Hongjoong was everything to her, he was her fiancé. But he had cheated on her while she was away. He had done it so many times in the past, that she was numb to it now.

How could she continue living with all that?

________________________________

Hongjoong : please, just…just one more month and I will pay the sum.

??? : sir, it's been years since this debt that you have been trying to pay. I know this was caused by your mother, and became your burden when she died, but…but this is the government's ways. I have exempted you and delayed the pay time for years now, but I'm afraid I cannot do it any longer.

Hongjoong : it's hard for me, ma'am.

??? : I understand that, but this is not my bank for me to choose. I am only a mere employee. So if this doesn't come to me by the next week, I'm afraid we will have to take away your collateral as a whole.

The collateral was the only thing hongjoong had owned, his mother's farm. It had been passed down through a thousand different generations of his family and it was where hongjoong had grown up. letting go of that would probably tear him apart. It was where his mother's graveyard was, after all.

Hongjoong : okay. Yes, I…will send it to you within a week.

The phone call ended as hongjoong kept his phone away with trembling hands, his eyes teary. What was he going to do? Helena did not know about this debt of his, hongjoong had never told her. Hongjoong had been desperately trying to pay this debt every month, even once starving himself to be able to pay this back. But if he had told helena about this, she would pay the entire debt back in one go, she had that money. Hongjoong didn't, and this was his burden to pay.

Hongjoong let out a shaky breath as he looked at his hand, the engagement ring shining against his ring finger as hongjoong stared at it for a long while. His mind went back to the things people had once told him

"You're a prostitute's son, has your mother slept with you as well to make money?"

"I feel bad for your father. Imagine having a son like you"

"Can you even do anything at all? You're talentless, poor, stupid, ugly, what are you even good at?"

"You don't deserve my daughter. She's been raised in gold and glory. She's a respectable, dignified woman. Your mother was a prostitute, and your own father didn't want you. What makes you think you deserve her?"

"I still don't understand how our boss likes you. So many handsome, rich men and she chose someone as shaggy as you?"

"She's just with you for your body, that's all"

And then hongjoong thought about what helena had told him a few hours ago

"You're pathetic at this point, hongjoong"

"I should have expected this from someone like you"

And so hongjoong wiped his tears off of his cheeks harshly, standing up as he decided on the one thing he never thought he would do.

_______________________

Helena hit her punching back again for the nth time that night, her tears and sweat mixing with each other as it ran down her body. She hated this, she hated him. She didn't know why she had kept forgiving someone like him. But when she had seen him crying, begging her not to leave, it had done something to her. And she had forgiven him, the last two times. Was she going to do it again? Was he going to want her to do it again?

Helena shut her eyes tightly as the door to her boxing room opened slowly, knowing fully well who it was. Helena continued punching the bag with low grunts, letting her anger out on the bag as she almost always had.

Hongjoong : helena?

Helena : get away.

Helena punched the bag with a force that made hongjoong flinch, him looking away from her as he said in a low voice

Hongjoong : I wanna…tell you something.

Helena : hongjoong, stop.

Hongjoong stepped closer to helena as her heart beat faster, the punches she rendered to the punching bag increasing ten-fold. She didn't want to see hongjoong right now.

Hongjoong : I have a reason I haven't told you before.

Helena punched the bag once again, the clattering of chains making hongjoong flinch once again. He hated these sort of sounds, and he hated it when helena got aggressive. It reminded him of his past, something he hated. But it wasn't like he got any say in this, was it?

Helena : go away before I do something to you.

Hongjoong stepped closer towards helena and was about to hold her as he said

Hongjoong : helena-

Helena cut him off with a groan as she punched the punching bag towards hongjoong's side, making him quickly stumble back in fear as he fell on the floor with a thud. Helena stared down at him, her chest heaving as she said

Helena : I told you to-

Hongjoong : I'm infertile.

Helena paused, her eyes widening. Hongjoong looked on the floor in part-shame, tears falling from his eyes as he said

Hongjoong : the…the reason I kept ch-cheating on you was because I thought you would leave me once you knew about my doings. I thought you didn't deserve someone who couldn't ever give you a child. But when I…when I see you leaving I can't handle it. So I beg you to stay and once you do, I regret it. And then I try cheating on you again-

Helena : hongjoong what the fuck are you saying?

Hongjoong stood up, shaking his head as he stared at helena with teary broken eyes

Hongjoong : I'm crazy, helena. I…I am a madman. I cheat on you because I want you to leave, but when you do, I beg you to stay. And the guilt of having done something like that to you weighs me down every fucking day. But I can't…I mustn't do this any longer.

Helena stared as hongjoong walked closer, holding out his engagement ring before saying

Hongjoong : take it back.

Helena stared at the shining ring with wide eyes, her heart thumping against her chest. He was actually saying all this. Hongjoong, who couldn't bear to even think of being apart from helena, who had done a million different things to earn her forgiveness before, was asking her to leave him.

Helena : are you really-

Hongjoong : yes, I don't want to be your fiancé anymore, and I don't wish for you to be mine either. So take this back, and keep it.

Helena stared at hongjoong for a long second, not saying anything. And then she took the ring, nodding before saying

Helena : fine, leave.

___________________________

Jisoo : he's infertile and he didn't fucking tell you.

Helena : yes.

Jisoo : and when he did, you just threw him out of your house.

Helena : he's the one who said he wanted to leave, jisoo.

Jisoo : yes! But that doesn't mean you actually let him go, helie.

Helena : you do realize he's cheated on me thrice, right?

Jisoo : yes, I do. I realize that. Which is why I won't ever ask you to take him back. I'm only asking you to talk to him, helena. That's all.

Helena : talk? Talk about what? The current state of the world?

Jisoo : helena-

Helena : jisoo, it's been 2 weeks, alright? He hasn't even come back to take his things from my house. And neither has he come to the office for work. He's disappeared from my life as a whole, jisoo.

Jisoo leaned forward, her elbow resting on the café table as she said

Jisoo : helena-ya, why would he come back to take those things in your penthouse? It's not his things, it's not his penthouse. It never really was, was it? Those were all bought with your money, so what makes you think he would come and take all of that when he asked you to leave him?

Helena stared at her coffee, not having realized that. Everything helena had bought for hongjoong, she had always considered that as his. She never thought of it as this.

Helena : that's not what I-

Helena paused as her phone rang, sighing as she took it and stood up before saying to her bestfriend

Helena : hold on, I gotta take this.

Jisoo nodded as helena walked a bit away before clicking accept.

Helena : yes?

??? : is this park helena? Kim hongjoong's fiancé?

Helena's heart flipped at that mention, hongjoong's fiancé.

Helena : mhmm. Is something wrong?

??? : I don’t know whether you're aware, ma'am, but your fiancé had a huge debt to pay that was left to him by his mother years ago.

Helena : what?

??? : he's been trying to pay it back for the past decade or so, not wanting his collateral to be taken away.

Helena : which…which is what?

??? : the farm he owns.

Helena's eyes widened at that. She knew how much that farmhouse meant to hongjoong, his mother was buried there.

??? : but now he's just given it up.

Helena felt her heart drop at those words.

Helena : no. No-

??? : it's bank property now until someone buys it. I've known hongjoong for years, and for him to give something like this up without even saying anything is unexpected. And I haven't seen him at the bank for weeks. I wish you could check up on him, miss. Just to make sure everything is alright. I understand if you do not want to, it is only a suggestio-

Helena : I will do it, thank you for telling me.

??? : anytime, miss.

Helena cut the call as she quickly walked towards jisoo, who looked up at her with concerned eyes. Helena placed her black card on the table before saying

Helena : I need to go somewhere. But in the meantime, I need you to buy me something.

Jisoo : buy what?

Helena : a farm.

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Helena had been searching for hongjoong for a week now, none of it coming to any use. She had searched through every job that hongjoong used to go to before they started dating and he hadn't been there. So now helena was worried, she really needed to find him out.

Hongjoong's words still rang through her head, every single day. Why he had cheated on her, and the fact that he was infertile. Helena had always told hongjoong about how she wanted to be a good mother someday, and that all that she had made was going to be passed down to her children. She could only imagine how hongjoong would've felt hearing all that, knowing all the while that he was infertile. And he had never told her that in fear that she might not leave him after it.

And yet, leaving her hurt him most in the world. But he had done it anyway.

Helena parked her car inside the farm that she now owned, stepping outside as she looked around the place. It had been abandoned for years now, and it still looked like it. She had no idea why she had come here, but it was the only place left for her to search. And so helena walked towards the graveyard of hongjoong's mother, the wind blowing against helena's long hair as she squinted her eyes and tucked it behind her ear. She had come here before few times, hongjoong had taken her here during a few of their anniversaries. The memories if them stabbed her heart like a needle.

Soon enough helena could hear the sounds of small sobs coming from farther away, her heart jumping at it. Hongjoong. Helena rushed towards the overgrown corner of the farm, the sight of hongjoong leaning against the tomb of his mother coming into her view.

He was like he once was again. Ragged clothes, dirt on his face, small cuts around his body and his hair a mess. But he was still hongjoong to helena, he always would be.

Helena : hongjoong.

Hongjoong flinched as he quickly stood up, his widened teary eyes staring at helena. He looked like he had seen a ghost.

Helena : where have you been.

Hongjoong : you…you're not supposed to be here.

Helena : yeah, neither are you. Hongjoong, where have you been this past month? And why the hell didn't you tell me about your debt. I could've easily paid it-

Hongjoong : that's exactly why I refused to tell you. Because it wasn't your burden to bear.

Helena stepped closer to hongjoong, making him step back as he lowered his eyes to the ground. It hurt her, but she didn't let it show.

Helena : hongjoong, your burdens are mine. What you feel, is what I feel. You-

Hongjoong : not anymore. I'm not your burden anymore, remember?

Helena : why do you make it sound like that! You are not a burden to me.

Hongjoong : yes I am! You said it yourself. That I was pathetic for having cheated on you so many times.

Helena : that was before I knew that you were…

Hongjoong smiled, realizing that she couldn't even say the word out loud.

Hongjoong : infertile? Yes, it was. But that doesn't change anything. I still remain infertile, and a cheater. You must not ever forgive me.

Helena knew hongjoong, he had gone back to his old self now. He wasn't going to listen if she talked this way. She needed to get him back, and if this was the only way it would work, then so be it.

Helena : I didn't come here to forgive you, I am not a saint. I came here to ask you to come back to the company and work. You are my employee, if not still my fiancé. You cannot abandon your job and leave like that.

Hongjoong looked taken aback.

Hongjoong : you want my resignation letter?

Helena : I want you to fucking come back, hongjoong! Come back and work! Don't live like a goddamn ghost!

Hongjoong : I don't deserve that job-

Helena : yes you do. You have always been a good secretary, if not anything else.

Hongjoong : you do not want me to be your secretary again-

Helena : yes I do.

Hongjoong : helena, what are you saying.

Helena : you cheated on me, you broke the heart that I had given to you, hongjoong. This is your retribution, your only one.

Hongjoong stared at helena as she stepped closer, this time hongjoong staying put in his place.

Helena : I am not asking you, I am commanding you as your boss. Come back with me.

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