consult-johnhwatson

[consult-johnhwatson]

That's a surprise. That definitely looks like a gemstone.

Wait a minute. Sherlock, you didn't plan all this, did you? You didn't shove that stone (or is it a ring?) down a pigeon's throat for today, right?

Well, that's definitely not a bag of cocaine. That's something made of stone or metal.

[consult-johnhwatson]

I only corrected them because they addressed us as 'Mr. and Mr. Holmes'. They thought we're a couple, bringing in their little pet pigeon. Excuse me, if I talk with medical terminology, from one professional to another. I'm used to it. And I don't look down upon vets, or see them as less. They're doing an important and difficult job. I treat humans. They treat several different species. I respect and admire that. Their patients bite and scratch. Animals don't understand that vets are trying to help. I got scratched, bitten, and attacked by patients too, but that's the exception and not the rule with humans. So, your observations are wrong.

What happened with the pigeon?

John and I are currently visiting avian veterinary specialists at the Royal Veterinary College. With the pigeon of course. They are examining it and informed us that the pigeon has a foreign body lodged in its crop. Which I obviously already knew. But they did not seem to react positively to me declaring that I had already figured that out. The foreign body is quite big and very hard. They were unable to access it, and wonder how it got into the pigeon, given its size. At first they assumed it's our pet pigeon and wanted to reprimand us how we could let this happen, but then I explained the situation.

To identify the foreign body they will x-ray the pigeon now. The clinical examination showed that the pigeon didn't feed in a few days because of the object lodged in its crop, blocking its esophagus. They said it was the right course of action to catch the pigeon and bring it to them, or it might have died. There you see, John, I saved the pigeons life.

[consult-johnhwatson]

I think you managed to piss off the vets with your deductions. Proudly proclaiming that you already examined the pigeon yourself and 'correctly diagnosed it'. Just a little advice from a doctor: We're usually not very keen when patients self-diagnose or get a diagnosis from 'Dr. Google', and then believe that they're as qualified as us doctors, who've studied and trained for decades to get our knowledge and skills. But you always do that, no matter the profession or area of expertise. Nobody can compete with your massive intellect. You always show off. I'm not offended by that anymore, but other people aren't used to it. Maybe tone it down a bit with strangers, yeah?

What happened with the pigeon?

John and I are currently visiting avian veterinary specialists at the Royal Veterinary College. With the pigeon of course. They are examining it and informed us that the pigeon has a foreign body lodged in its crop. Which I obviously already knew. But they did not seem to react positively to me declaring that I had already figured that out. The foreign body is quite big and very hard. They were unable to access it, and wonder how it got into the pigeon, given its size. At first they assumed it's our pet pigeon and wanted to reprimand us how we could let this happen, but then I explained the situation.

To identify the foreign body they will x-ray the pigeon now. The clinical examination showed that the pigeon didn't feed in a few days because of the object lodged in its crop, blocking its esophagus. They said it was the right course of action to catch the pigeon and bring it to them, or it might have died. There you see, John, I saved the pigeons life.

[consult-johnhwatson]

Sherlock, shut up about pigeons and go to sleep. I am tired, hell, the pigeon is tired. I'd be tired too if I was chased and caught by a maniac, abducted in a cage and brought into a weird flat, and subsequently had to witness an annoyed army doctor yelling at the previously mentioned maniac.

Are you serious? Those are all serious diseases. Psittacosis and Histoplasmosis can even kill people. And, if I may remind you, I yelled about the disease-ridden head as well.

Anyway, I'm too tired for all of this. If I don't get at least 8 hours of sleep I cannot be held accountable for anything I do. So, don't wake me up. And I'm not talking about the pigeon here, but about certain consulting detectives.

I was able to apprehend the suspect. I am transporting the suspect home, so you can examine it, @consult-johnhwatson.

[consult-johnhwatson]

Great. Fantastic. No, I don't agree. The pigeon lives on the street, so you basically abducted it. But you're not going to listen to anything I say anyway. So fine, the pigeon can stay. Just keep it hidden from Rosie. I don't want her to think she gets a pet pigeon. And, I don't want her to get in contact with pigeon germs either. Who knows what kind of diseases you just brought into our home? If we become patient zero for the next bird flu outbreak, just for the record, that's your fault. Pigeons and humans aren't even close to being the same. Did you miss biology in school? I got no idea where the crop is even located. So no, I am not qualified. And, I think you just offended every doctor (and veterinarian too) by comparing those things and saying it's not that hard. At least I can tell you with certainty that you offended at least one doctor.

We'll take the pigeon to a qualified vet. Tomorrow. I'll not go to an emergency vet service because of a wild pigeon at midnight. I know from experience how annoying people are that come into the emergency room because of a sneeze at night. I don't think that's so much different for vets.

I was able to apprehend the suspect. I am transporting the suspect home, so you can examine it, @consult-johnhwatson.

[consult-johnhwatson]

Oh god. You actually managed to catch a pigeon. As funny as that probably looked, this is crazy. Let the poor thing go. Sherlock, you will NOT bring this pigeon home. I sound like a father telling his child that they can't bring a pet home. That's what this is, isn't it?

And NO, I will not examine that pigeon either. I'm not a vet. Well, I am a vet, but not that kind of vet. I think you know the difference there.

That pigeon will not enter our flat.

I was able to apprehend the suspect. I am transporting the suspect home, so you can examine it, @consult-johnhwatson.

[consult-johnhwatson]

Why is a cocaine pigeon so significant? It's just some pigeon that happened to snack on some cocaine. Hell, it's London, of course something like that happens here. I wouldn't be surprised if we have coke-addicted pigeons here, who regularly peck up some drugs. Maybe even pigeon dealers. There's all sorts around here.

Sherlock, it didn't even cross my mind to ask you that. You can keep those jars with bodily fluids to yourself.

And no, you will not go outside at midnight to look for coke pigeons. Don't pigeons sleep at night? Something you should do, too. Sleep, I mean. Not taking cocaine.

Maybe there is a case to be found in the newspaper after all. This could be interesting.

[consult-johnhwatson]

Dr Watson I agree with Sherlock. The pigeon caught my eye. Not the diamond

Why the pigeon? Please explain, because Sherlock won't. Pigeons are everywhere. Some of them are perching on our roof right now. Cooing their little hearts out. So, how can a regular city pigeon, that happened to snack on some cocaine and chase old ladies, be more interesting than a 31.7 million pound diamond? I repeat, £31.7 million. Maybe I'm missing something. But the diamond is the clear winner for me.

[consult-johnhwatson]

The pigeon? You think a crazy pigeon is more interesting than the theft of a 31.7 million pound diamond? Did the pigeon commit a murder, or what's so promising about it? Is the pigeon a criminal mastermind? Sherlock, why are you so interested in this pigeon? Is it because it had cocaine in its crop? You're not getting obsessive about drugs again, are you?

Maybe there is a case to be found in the newspaper after all. This could be interesting.

[consult-johnhwatson]

The Blue Diamond? Sherlock, they contacted you. I saw about 10 mails from them in your inbox, asking for your help. Did the news article change your mind?

Maybe there is a case to be found in the newspaper after all. This could be interesting.

[consult-johnhwatson]

Sherlock. Just because you're bored doesn't mean I'll murder someone. Before you ask, no, I won't do any other type of crime either. Not even on your birthday. We could make a scavenger hunt for you. But the last time we did that you solved the whole thing with the first clue. And without even moving a single step. In under a minute.

Just take a look at the paper, maybe you'll find a case there.

Happy Birthday, Sherlock. I hope you enjoyed today's celebration and the cake. I know you'd prefer a case, but I can't gift you that.

Thank you, John. I have to admit, it was quite nice. Thanks to you, Rosie and Mrs Hudson. Well technically, you could provide me with a case, but that would probably interfere with your Hippocratic Oath.

[consult-johnhwatson]

Wishing you and Sherlock a wonderful holiday! And also wondering if you had a favorite color? If so, which shade? Would you ever wear a pink suit? Ok bai -

Thank you very much! I wish you a Merry Christmas and wonderful holidays as well! Sherlock acts a bit grumpy, but I know that deep down he likes Christmas. Favourite colour? I think that would be something blue, like aquamarine. Mix between blue and green I'd say. Pink's not really my colour. So no, I wouldn't wear a pink suit. I wouldn't look good in it.

[consult-johnhwatson]

Finally. It only took 30 minutes and 6 people to convince you. You being you, that's a good number. And only a minimal amount of yelling involved. Good.

Wear the antlers, Sherlock. Rosie and Mrs Hudson will love it.

No, I will most certainly not wear the antlers. That is humiliating. @mrs-hudsons-cozy-corner asks me every christmas to wear the antlers, and I deny this request every year. Not even all the King's horses could make me wear the antlers.

[consult-johnhwatson]

Yeah, I was kinda referring to the redeeming quality, Sherlock.

But did you like the movie? I think it's inspiring.

Inspiring? What exactly do you find inspiring about this movie? The occupation of your doppelgänger, being mostly naked simulating explicit acts?

And whether I liked this movie, I have a whole list of things that are wrong with it. From the unrealistic and illogical behaviours of the characters, the annoying theme melody that they play over and over that drove me mad, and the very foolish plot of the movie. The moronic title alone 'Love Actually' already gives it a negative score. More like Love Idiotically. Only redeemable quality of this movie was the....well I don't need to spell that out.

[consult-johnhwatson]

I did buy fake snowballs at Rosie's request since it hadn't snowed. Sherlock's already been pelted.

It's about to be a white Christmas...😏

[consult-johnhwatson]

Am I here because of the polls?

Please, you're much more than the polls.

[consult-johnhwatson]

The movie is Love Actually. That's what the movie is. Now that you say it, that actor does look similar to me. Maybe we're twins.

What is this movie? And why does this character look so similar to you, @consult-johnhwatson? His name is even John. What is going on? And what is that guy doin- oh god