#hongjoong x oc

[thatblvckboyy]

Hong joong x male listener smut audio

Hong-joong just love how tight and warm you are the perfect stress reliever for him when he got home from work all stressed out

[atzaurora]

╰┈➤ ɪɴᴛᴏxɪᴄᴀᴛɪɴɢ

[˗ˏˋ ´ˎ˗] mіძᥒіgһ𝗍 mᥱᥣ᥆ძіᥱs

❥ 𝒎𝒆𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓: Hongjoong

➤ 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈: fem!idol!songwriter!reader x idol!songwriter!hongjoong

➤ 𝒕𝒚𝒑𝒆𝒔: imagine (smut)

➤ 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑: group members, good friends

.ᐟ.ᐟ𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔.ᐟ.ᐟ: 18+/smut/suggestive content, MDNI!!!, unprotected sex

➤ 𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚: Stuck in the studio late at night with Hongjoong and who knew, what you were writing in the song would turn into reality...

➤ 𝒘/𝒄: > not counted <

➤ 𝒂/𝒏: as you can see I changed my theme for my blog >.< I hope y'all like it! anyways enjoy this fanfic with Hongjoong

if you have any ideas or wishes let me know, requests are open

here's my [𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕]!

[𝒓𝒆𝒒𝒖𝒆𝒔𝒕]here!

about me, my writings, request rules [𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆]

It was late at night, too late to form a straight thought around all of the work in front of you.

Being in the songwriting position alongside Hongjoong could be a blessing and a curse at the same time. You loved writing songs, putting your all into the lyrics but you hated how long you and him had to stay up sometimes just to find the right words.

Eventually the words came to your minds as you sat there scribbling it down onto a piece of paper and testing out some beats that could fit the vibe of the song. Hongjoong groaned, leaning back into his chair, his hands covering his eyes in exhaustion.

"Shit, it's so late already," he glanced at you, lowering the hands from his face. "Do you want to go to sleep? You must be tired already?"

You smiled at how he looked out for you but shook your head. "No, it's alright. Plus, we both should write the song. I don't want to leave you to it all alone."

He nods approvingly. "Yeah, you're right. But before you collapse please tell me, we can always continue tomorrow, okay?"

"Yes, I know, but I'm fine, I'm not that tired." It was sort of a lie to be honest because in fact you were tired already. You turned back to face the paper.

Hongjoong’s eyes lingered on you for a moment longer, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips before he turned back to his notebook. The two of you worked in silence, the only sounds being the scratching of pens on paper and the occasional sigh of frustration. The lyrics were shaping up nicely, weaving a tale of forbidden desire and hidden passion.

As the night wore on, the words on the page grew increasingly sensual. The group had agreed earlier on doing a song a little more explicit than usual just to test it out.

Hongjoong’s voice softened as he read aloud a particularly provocative line. “Your touch ignites a fire, burning with forbidden desire…” He trailed off, his eyes flicking up to meet yours. There was something different in his gaze, something darker and more intense.

You felt a shiver run down your spine, the atmosphere in the room shifting palpably. “That’s... perfect,” you whispered, your voice barely audible.

Hongjoong’s eyes stayed locked on yours, a small smirk forming on his lips. “Yeah? You think so?” He leaned closer, his hand brushing against yours as he reached for a pencil. The contact was brief, but it sent a jolt of electricity through you.

“Definitely,” you managed to say, your voice trembling slightly. You tried to focus on the paper in front of you, but the proximity of Hongjoong was making it difficult to concentrate. His cologne, a mix of cedarwood and vanilla, was intoxicating.

As the song continued to take shape, the lyrics grew bolder, more explicit. You could feel the tension building between you, an unspoken understanding passing between the two of you. Hongjoong’s touches became more frequent, more deliberate. His fingers would linger on yours a moment too long, his knee would brush against yours under the table.

It was becoming harder to ignore the growing heat between you. Finally, Hongjoong put his pen down, leaning back in his chair with a satisfied sigh. “I think we’ve got something really special here,” he said, his voice low and husky. “Don’t you think?”

You nodded, your heart pounding in your chest. “Yeah, we do.”

Hongjoong’s gaze was intense, his eyes dark with an emotion you couldn’t quite place. He reached out, his fingers gently tilting your chin up to meet his gaze. “You know,” he murmured, his thumb brushing over your lower lip, “some of these lyrics... they make me think of you.”

Your breath hitched, the air between you charged with electricity. “Hongjoong...” you whispered, your voice trailing off as he leaned closer

“Tell me if I’m out of line,” he said softly, his lips just inches from yours. “But I can’t stop thinking about you. About us.”

Before you could respond, his lips were on yours, soft and insistent. You melted into the kiss, your hands tangling in his hair as you pulled him closer. The notebook and pens scattered to the floor as Hongjoong lifted you onto his lap, your legs straddling his waist.

The kiss deepened, becoming more urgent. His hands roamed over your body, exploring and caressing. You could feel the hard evidence of his arousal pressing against you, sending a thrill of excitement through your body.

Hongjoong’s lips trailed down your neck, sucking and nibbling, leaving a trail of hickeys in his wake. You moaned softly, your hips grinding against him as you sought more friction. His hands slipped under your shirt, his touch sending shivers down your spine.

“God, Y/N,” he groaned, his lips returning to yours in a heated kiss. “You have no idea what you do to me.”

You rocked your hips against him, feeling the heat between you growing. “Show me,” you whispered, your voice breathless.

Hongjoong didn’t need any more encouragement. He lifted you effortlessly, carrying you over to the couch in the corner of the studio. He laid you down gently, his body covering yours as he kissed you deeply.

Your hands fumbled with the buttons of his shirt, desperate to feel his skin against yours. He helped you, shrugging off his shirt and tossing it aside before returning his attention to you. His hands slid under your shirt, pushing it up and over your head.

His lips found your breasts, sucking and licking, drawing soft moans from your lips. Your fingers dug into his shoulders, your body arching towards him as he continued his ministrations.

“Hongjoong, please,” you gasped, your need for him growing unbearable.

He smiled against your skin, his hands moving to unbutton your jeans. “I’ve got you, baby,” he murmured, his voice low and filled with promise.

As he removed the last of your clothing, you could feel the cool air of the studio against your heated skin. Hongjoong’s eyes roamed over your body, his expression one of pure desire. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, his lips capturing yours once more.

His hands and lips explored every inch of you, leaving you breathless and wanting. When he finally positioned himself between your legs, you could hardly stand the anticipation.

You felt his body heat radiating against your own skin, making you feel hot despite the fresh breeze from the air conditioner.

He took his dick into one of his hand, the other one holding your waist down, in a firm grip. His tip grazed your hole, drawing circles around it.

“Are you sure?” he asked softly, his eyes searching yours for any hesitation.

“Yes,” you whispered, your voice filled with need. “Please, Hongjoong.”

He entered you slowly, the sensation overwhelming. You gasped, your nails digging into his back as he began to move. The rhythm he set was slow and deliberate, each thrust sending waves of pleasure through your body.

“Y/N,” he groaned, his lips finding yours in a searing kiss. “You feel so good.”

You could only moan in response, your body arching towards his as the pleasure built. His hands gripped your hips, guiding you to meet his thrusts.

Your hips lifted away from the soft fabric, which each thrust, only for him to take your sides and press them down. "Come one, doll, stay put."

The sound of your combined moans and the slap of skin filled the room, the intensity of your connection leaving you breathless.

His cock slammed harder into you, burying himself deeper and hitting your gummy spot. "R-right there," you whimpered, grabbing onto his wrists.

As you reached your peak, Hongjoong’s name fell from your lips in a breathless cry. He followed soon after, his body tensing as he found his release.

Your liquids mixed inside you, finding their way around his length and leaking out once he pulled out of you.

The two of you lay there for a moment, catching your breath. Hongjoong’s hand brushed a strand of hair from your face, his eyes filled with tenderness. “Are you okay?” he asked softly, his thumb caressing your cheek.

You nodded, a smile spreading across your lips. “Yeah, I’m more than okay.”

He chuckled softly, pulling you into his arms. “Good. Because I don’t think I can ever get enough of you.”

You snuggled into his embrace, feeling content and happy. As you lay there in the afterglow, you couldn’t help but think that this night had changed everything.

[crimsonbubble]

IM BOUTA TWEAK IN THIS BITCH BRUH

the slow smirk omG HES GETTING HEAD

I need him in a way that concerns humanity

[pandorasword]

Just saw your post about the members reaction to Chaeri and JK, and I wanna know what they thought about Hongjoong and Chaeri? Hell, I even wanna know what ATEEZ thought about their relationship too!

-♡♡

Hi!! 🫶🏼

I’m so embarrassed by how much time has passed since I got your message—I'm so sorry for the wait! It’s been such a busy and stressful time for me 🥹

Thank you for your question!

Chaeri as the 8th and youngest member of BTS.

BTS

The members quickly learned to consider themselves as a family. Living together and sharing everything since their teenage years, their bond has always been similar to that of siblings. This, for better or worse, includes constantly meddling in each other’s lives, both for fun and to take care of one another. This extends to almost every aspect of their lives, including romantic relationships.

It was impossible – and, in reality, Chaeri didn’t even try – to hide the growing bond between her and Hongjoong from the other members of the group. On the night of the party where they met, Taehyung and Jungkook noticed them, which inevitably led also to the last member of the 'maknae line' finding out about the news. They were the first three to know:

Taehyung was very surprised. Being Chaeri’s best friend and never having heard her talk about Hongjoong before, their union initially seemed a bit strange and rushed to him. Only later, when she confessed to him that at the party, she had approached Hongjoong with the intention of annoying him and Jungkook - who had followed her without her consent - and only later did that situation turn into something more significant, including the desire to normalize relationships among K-pop idols, Taehyung realized that such behavior was typical of Chaeri.

From the moment the relationship between Chaeri and Hongjoong became something more serious than just an excuse to create a scandal in the industry, V showed his support. However, he frequently asked her questions designed to make her reflect on her relationship, asking if it was really what she wanted or if she had just been swept up in a situation that made her feel good but that she didn’t truly desire.

The way Chaeri proudly showed off her relationship to everyone, without fear of judgment, inspired him and made him proud. It even led him to decide to be braver himself, giving the public clear hints about his own relationship, though in a less obvious way.

The first time he met Hongjoong as Chaeri's official boyfriend, one might have expected him to say the classic line, "If you hurt her, you'll have to deal with me." Instead, he said, "If she scares you to death, don't come looking for me. She scares me to death too. But I guess that's her way of showing love”.

Jimin was taken aback. He knew that the situation between Chaeri and Jungkook had reached an even more critical point than before, but he did not expect that the two would actually try to date other people. Their constant fighting, more or less hidden from the eyes of others, was causing stress and sadness for the group, which felt helpless in the face of that dramatic situation. Therefore, he tried to understand and support Chaeri's decision to date Hongjoong as much as possible.

Jimin had always been very reserved about his relationships with the media, aware of how much the K-pop scene could destroy even the most beautiful and genuine connections. Seeing Chaeri, on the other hand, not hide and proudly show the world her sentimental commitment filled him with pride. He knew that she was fighting to normalize the situation for all idols, giving them back their freedom to be human in the eyes of the public.

And while he was initially unsure about Hongjoong, Jimin warmed to him at some point. He liked how Hongjoong carried himself, and with being the leader of his group, he could guess what kind of person he was: responsible, serious, dedicated. Three qualities he believed were essential to be able to romantically connect with someone like his female teammate.

However, what impressed Jimin most was Hongjoong's approach to Chaeri's strong and overwhelming personality and the way he respected her boldness rather than trying to suppress it as many other men would have done.

Although he had never said it out loud, he was grateful to Hongjoong for standing by Chaeri's side at a time when few others could have done so, which was when she ended up on forced hiatus from the BTS.

As the oldest member of BTS, Jin had always seen himself as the “big brother” of the group, ready to offer advice or tease anyone who found themselves in a new relationship. To him, Chaeri was like a little sister, and he wanted to make sure that anyone she dated was worthy of her, which is why he began to “investigate” Hongjoong. He asked around and read articles about him and his group, eager to determine whether he was truly interested in her and not just looking for personal gain.

However, no article or information was more helpful than observing them together and hearing Chaeri talk about him. In the end, this led him to deliver his “verdict”: he approved of the relationship.

True to his style, Jin expressed his approval with a touch of humor. “So, he’s not scared off yet?” he joked with Chaeri, smiling. “Good for him! I barely lasted an hour when we met because of your bratty attitude.”

But beyond his playful nature, he also found moments to talk to her seriously. “I can see he cares about you. So just make sure he keeps caring about you as much as you care about him”

For Jin, Chaeri’s happiness was the most important thing. He was proud to see her openly embracing her happiness, knowing how much she had suffered in the past from having to keep her previous relationship hidden.

Yoongi, when he knew about her relationship with Hongjoong, didn’t comment immediately and took a step back, preferring to observe and let Chaeri share as much—or as little—as she wanted. To him, relationships were personal, and he respected her decision to make her relationship public, understanding how it could be both liberating and daunting in their world. He had always been the type to keep his thoughts on love and relationships close to the chest, so seeing her put herself out there made him feel both proud and slightly worried for her.

One evening, some time after the news broke, noticing how serious their relationship was becoming, he decided to give Chaeri a single piece of advice: “Just make sure you’re doing this for yourself. Don’t get caught up in proving something to anyone. If it makes you happy, that’s what matters.” 

Yoongi just wanted to make sure she hadn’t made the decision because she was angry or disappointed about her past with Jungkook, aware of how such emotions could lead to choices she might regret. He wanted her to approach this relationship with a clear mind and an open heart, unclouded by past wounds.

He knew Chaeri well enough to trust her judgment, and he trusted that Hongjoong would take care of her the way she deserved. But still, he kept a watchful eye, not to interfere but to be there, if she ever needed him. 

While he didn’t express it often, he deeply hoped that this relationship would give her the peace and happiness she deserved.

Ever since they’d started working together, Hoseok’d come to see her as his little sister—a role he took seriously, complete with protective instincts and a healthy dose of skepticism about any guy who showed interest in her. He’d seen her grow, struggle and evolve, so the idea of someone else now playing such a significant role in her life brought out his big-brother side in full force. In the beginning, Hoseok wasn’t entirely sure about Hongjoong. He hadn’t heard much about him before and wasn’t quick to trust anyone who’d suddenly become so close to Chaeri. 

Honestly, he didn’t like the situation at all. Chaeri was vulnerable because of what had happened with Jungkook—a relationship that had ended disastrously not long before—and all the signs, at least on the surface, seemed to point in one direction: Hongjoong was taking advantage of her to gain more fame and visibility for himself and his group. Or, at least, that was what his brain had convinced itself of the moment the “overprotective brother” alarm bells in his head went off as soon as he heard the news.

He would only come to realize, gradually, just how wrong he’d been as all the “evidence” he thought he’d gathered to support his theory started to crumble, one piece at a time. It had been Chaeri who approached Hongjoong first, and she was the one who decided to make the relationship public; moreover, Hongjoong genuinely seemed to care about her.

It took meeting Hongjoong in person to get some answers, though that first meeting felt more like an interrogation. Hongjoong would probably describe it as intense, maybe even intimidating. Despite the polite smile, Hoseok’s questions cut straight to the point: what were his intentions with Chaeri? Did he understand the level of scrutiny that came with dating her? And, in no uncertain terms, was he ready to treat her with the respect she deserved?

Namjoon, as the leader of BTS, felt a natural sense of responsibility for all the group members, but with Chaeri, it was different. Over the years, he had become particularly protective of her, looking out for her in a way that came entirely naturally—like an older brother with a younger sister. Although he wasn’t as openly intense as Hoseok, he, too, felt some skepticism and concern. He wasn’t used to Chaeri dating anyone (outside of Jungkook), and he had the sweet but misguided notion that no one was quite good enough for her.

“You know how much pressure comes with going public. Once things are out there, there’s no taking them back. I just want you to be sure this is what you really want—not just for yourself, but for the two of you together.” Living a life like theirs meant that any information shared with the public would be engraved forever, and he felt it was his duty to remind her that, once that choice was made, there would be no turning back.

He would never dare to question Chaeri's emotional intelligence by suggesting that she was choosing the wrong person to start a romantic relationship with; it was simply his instinct to protect her that compelled him to keep a watchful eye on the two whenever they were together. Deep down, he recognized her ability to make her own decisions, but the protective instincts of an older brother lingered, making it difficult for him to let go completely.

He felt better, however, knowing that Chaeri would have someone by her side while they would all be away due to the mandatory military service that, by now, was getting closer and closer.

Jungkook's reaction to Chaeri's relationship with Hongjoong was complicated, to say the least.

He knew she was a mischievous type, and when he first saw them together at that party, he became convinced—albeit annoyed—that she had set up that little act just to get back at him and Taehyung for following her to the party, despite her not wanting them there. But discovering that their connection had instead grown so serious that she had decided to make it public threw him completely off balance.

Jungkook couldn’t help but think back on all the wrong choices he had made during his relationship with Chaeri, choices that, forced or not, had led him to that moment: having to watch the love of his life fall for someone else.

The truth is that he’s never fully accepted it—and he never will. He won’t ever choose to be in the same room as Hongjoong unless circumstances force him to be there, and he certainly won’t ever choose to have even the smallest interaction with him. To Jungkook, Hongjoong would always be a reminder of everything he had lost, a constant presence of the love he let slip away. Even if he knew, deep down, that he couldn’t turn back time, a part of him stubbornly refused to accept the reality of Chaeri’s new relationship. It wasn’t that he wished her unhappiness, but he couldn’t bring himself to accept Hongjoong as a part of her life—or, by extension, his own.

Jungkook’s feeling of bitterness only grew stronger as the weeks went by. He saw Chaeri almost daily, whether at rehearsals or during group events, and every time he saw her smile because of him, it was like a quiet punch to the gut.

It didn’t help that the others had slowly begun to accept Hongjoong. While Hoseok still kept an eye on him and Namjoon was ever-cautious, they’d grown used to the idea. And to Jungkook, it felt like they were all moving forward without him. He’d find himself spacing out during conversations, lost in memories of the past, back when he and Chaeri were inseparable. It was all so bittersweet—he wanted to support her, he truly did, but he was haunted by the constant, nagging feeling that he was supposed to be the one by her side, not some stranger.

Whenever he saw Hongjoong, though, he managed a polite nod, maintaining a veneer of professionalism. But his politeness was brittle. Every interaction with him felt like stepping on thin ice, a forced act that concealed the simmering resentment he couldn’t quite shake. It was painful, and he felt as if he were trapped in a story where he’d once been a main character, only to be slowly written out. 

Everyone claimed that true love meant letting someone find happiness with another person. He was convinced he genuinely loved her.  So why was it so hard for him to accept it?

ATEEZ

Before Hongjoong decided to talk to their managers about dating Chaeri, he knew he had to discuss it with his members first. This made him particularly nervous, but he knew he couldn't delay it any longer, mainly since Chaeri had expressed her desire to make their relationship public. For example, when he went to New York to see her, Chaeri and Hongjoong posted photos from an identical location, causing the internet to be filled with theories and suspicions about whether they were dating, trolling the fans, or soft-launching a relationship.

He wasn't nervous because the boys didn't know, quite the contrary. Since the night of the '98 liners idol party, a gathering of idols born in 1998, when he and Seonghwa had returned from, and the latter had not waited more than a second to tell the others about him and Chaeri, the younger ones had not stopped teasing him, also knowing the little crush he had on her ever since she found some time to go up to them in 2019 at MAMAs and tell them how much she had enjoyed the cover of the song they had brought to the stage.

Fortunately, his fears were unfounded. The boys didn't react negatively to the dating news when he shared it, and their managers reassured them that they could handle any potential scandal. 'Having Chaeri linked to one of you would surely increase attention and, consequently, your turnover' they emphasized. Fortunately, KQ loved the media exposure this would bring.

And, what to say? The boys couldn't be anything but happy about that, could they? Their leader seemed pleased with that relationship, and their reputation would greatly benefit from Chaeri’s impact. However, Ateez would soon learn that Chaeri in their lives would become more than simply 'Hongjoong's girl who benefits his mood and our career.' 

Each member reacted differently based on their personalities and relationships with Hongjoong and Chaeri. 

Seonghwa and Hongjoong had always shared everything since they were just trainees. Being the same age and both feeling some sort of responsibility to the members had bound them together more than with the others. Because of this, Seonghwa couldn't have been unaware of the 'little' crush his best friend had toward the only female member of BTS. A crush that grew exponentially over the years, peaking in 2019.

Seonghwa teased him about it since pre-debut and never stopped, even when the two became a couple, leaving him hugely surprised. It’s a tale as old as time to have a crush on a public figure, and usually, people never end up dating them unless they get a once-in-a-lifetime chance, and for Hongjoong to get that chance? Seonghwa could think of nothing else but the fact that life always shows you something you would never expect.

Despite initial disbelief, he was proud of his member for being the first to have a public relationship, as he showed a nerve many idols did not have.

The guy also likes to tease Chaeri about how soft she can get with Hongjoong since she always tries to pass herself off as someone who is not particularly sweet or romantic. That makes her and Joong very similar, in his opinion.

Yunho was thrilled. His reaction was, perhaps, the purest and most genuinely enthusiastic of all. 

From the moment Hongjoong had confirmed his connection with Chaeri, he couldn’t hide his smile and a bit of surprise at the thought that their leader, his hyung, had won the heart of Chaeri and felt a bit bewildered at the thought that she was now a constant presence in their lives.

His excitement about the news, however, wasn’t simply about Chaeri’s fame. His happiness came from a much more genuine place. He knew how much Hongjoong’s intense work schedule demanded of him, and knowing he’d found someone who could make him smile and offer a bit of comfort was something that gave Yunho happiness.

As the main dancer of ATEEZ, Yunho felt an irresistible and inexplicable urge to talk for hours with Chaeri, who held the same role in BTS, about the dance icons they admired, favorite styles, the best methods for learning choreography, and so on. 

When it came to dance, Yunho found a new source of motivation and inspiration in Chaeri. Having the opportunity to work with her as ATEEZ’s choreographer, even if only for a limited time, made him genuinely happy; he greatly appreciated how Chaeri took each of his suggestions into account, making him feel fully included in the creative process of their performances.

While most of the others reacted loudly, swept away by enthusiasm or curiosity, Yeosang received the news of their relationship calmly and silently, as he had not yet formed an opinion about the situation; speaking without having thought it through first was not his style. Not that he was indifferent; on the contrary, the idea that Hongjoong had started a relationship with someone so significant in the music scene, fascinated him more than he let on. Yet, as was typical of him, he preferred to think deeply before saying anything.

In fact, Yeosang felt happy for Hongjoong. He knew well how much their leader had sacrificed for the sake of ATEEZ and how he had always acted as an emotional shield for the others. The thought that someone could finally take care of him, just as he did for his members, gave him a sense of peace. If Chaeri could provide that kind of balance for Hongjoong, that was already enough for Yeosang.

However, despite his reserved demeanor, Yeosang couldn't shake the thought that this relationship might somehow influence the dynamics of the group. It wasn’t jealousy or envy, but rather a healthy concern for their equilibrium. At a time when ATEEZ was growing and reaching new milestones, he feared that the notoriety of such a public relationship could distract Hongjoong or even create tensions with Chaeri's international fame.

For this reason, he spoke privately with Hongjoong to tell him that he would support whatever made him happy, but that he needed to make sure that he found the right equilibrium, for himself, for ATEEZ, and for BTS.

The ice between him and Chaeri finally broke when, noticing his somewhat distant and thoughtful demeanor, she decided to "test him" with jokes and playful remarks, trying to make him laugh and lift his spirits whenever she was around.

When San was told the news, he decided to become one of the most welcoming people Chaeri would ever meet. If Hongjoong put so much trust in her that he made their relationship public and made her an official part of their routine, it meant that he could trust her, too, and that she was certainly a special person, an idea that was later solidified as he began to get to know her more.

For him, it was new to see his captain, always so focused and dedicated to work, let loose whenever Chaeri was around. He was the first to realize that Joong didn’t just have a simple crush or attraction toward her—he was completely smitten. This realization filled San with joy, both because he could see how happy his hyung was and because teasing him about it was going to be even more fun. And oh, he never missed an opportunity to do so, knowing he’d succeeded with his jokes whenever Hongjoong threatened to beat him up.

San was among those who didn’t worry at all about the potential repercussions this might have on their group. He had complete faith in Hongjoong and their agency, and if they believed the situation could only benefit them, then he firmly believed it too.

From the start, San took it upon himself to make their dorm a bit more “girl-friendly” in subtle ways, often reminding the other guys not to leave laundry outside their rooms and occasionally bringing an air freshener or candles with softer fragrances.

Chaeri, along with Hongjoong, had started taking care of all of them through small gestures: giving them decorative items for the dorm, bringing food almost every time they met, and listening to them in moments of difficulty. For San, it was only right to make her feel like a true member of their family.

Mingi was less worried about the implications of dating someone as high-profile as Chaeri and more curious about what she was like behind the scenes. He'd seen her charisma on stage, of course, but knowing she had somehow captured the heart of their hyper-focused captain made her all the more interesting.

When she started hanging out with them more, Mingi was pleasantly surprised by how easy it was to talk to her. He found himself chatting about everything. She laughed at his quirky jokes, and her genuine reactions made him feel instantly comfortable. Chaeri was even surprisingly willing to listen to his ramblings, which most people couldn’t keep up with for long.

What Mingi appreciated most was that she seemed to care about all of them, not just Hongjoong. It didn’t take long for him to open up to her the way he would to a friend, even showing her some of his scribbled lyrics and ideas—something he rarely did with people outside the group. She encouraged him to pursue his creative ideas with enthusiasm, which meant a lot to him, especially coming from someone with so much experience.

Mingi noticed little things about her and Hongjoong’s dynamic that the others might miss. Like the way Chaeri would glance at Hongjoong to see if he needed anything or how Hongjoong’s shoulders relaxed just a bit more when she was around. While he didn’t tease his leader as much as San or Wooyoung did in front of Chaeri, he made sure to join in whenever she wasn’t around.

Wooyoung was the most excited. It was almost too good to be true— despite his hectic schedule, his beloved captain had found love. And not just anyone, but Chaeri of BTS. And oh, if he wasn't a BTS fan.

His fanboy heart was thrilled, enough to make him almost obnoxious with his numerous questions towards his Hyung that went from 'Do you think she will introduce me to Jimin sunbaenim?' to 'If, technically, BTS are like siblings and we, technically, are like siblings, does that mean that if you and her are together, she is my sister-in-law and us and them will become one family?' It is unsurprising that, to most of these questions, Hongjoong simply answered with a somewhat annoyed 'I don't know.'

The vague and rather bored response to Wooyoung’s questions made the members wrinkle their noses, perhaps too eager to pry into their hyung's relationship and then into the dynamics of such a famous group as BTS. After all, he was dating an idol in one of the most prominent groups ever. He felt their captain needed to give them a few details to satisfy their innocent curiosity.

Wooyoung was the first to break the ice with her and treat her like one of the family rather than an unexpected addition to their already large group. It took only a few days before he started referring to her as 'Noona,' and he is known to blush, in an innocent and non-romantic way, at most of the things she says to him.

Jongho is a private person who, unlike many other group members, highly values his privacy and, therefore, deeply respects others' boundaries. So, he didn't seem particularly interested in the news of his hyung's relationship. After all, it was normal for them to have partners, right? The only difference was that the girl was one of the country's most famous and influential figures. At first, Jongho thought that it might have been better for the group's well-being and harmony if Hongjoong had found love in someone who wasn't always in the spotlight, but in the end, he was indifferent to their relationship as it was their business.

For this reason, at first, he couldn’t understand the cheerful atmosphere with which almost everyone else had welcomed the news. It wasn’t the first time one of them had started dating someone (obviously keeping everything strategically out of the spotlight), and to him, the fact that Hongjoong was with a famous person rather than an ordinary one didn’t make any difference. That’s why he didn’t seem particularly enthusiastic.

However, as time passed and as Chaeri became more and more embedded in their group dynamic, Jongho could not help but get to know her better. He noticed that despite her fame, she approached everyone with humility, a quality that many celebrities in their circles display only when they are in the spotlight. Although he was less experienced than her, who had debuted five years earlier, it happened more than once that Chaeri asked him for advice on how to keep her voice so steady during performances, which amazed him and filled him with pride.

His respect for her began to change drastically for the better when, after a movie night organized by the group, she stayed behind to help tidy up, despite the fact that it was late and she had a busy schedule the next day. When Jongho told her she did not need to, she replied that it was nice to contribute, since she now considered them a second family.

I wanted to thank @littlestatesman for helping me a few months ago by giving me more information about Ateez than I had, and especially my Boo, @alixnsuperstxr who helped me with the entire drafting of everything written. Thank you so much for your friendship and support ❤️

taglist: @alixnsuperstxr | @bts-dream | @enchantingbrowneyedgirl | @ycuvi | @cosmicwintr

[hwalyn]

director’s cut ➛ i’m CHILL

prev | masterlist | three

SYNOPSIS! katie was always the top of her class, her projects and assignments were the ones teachers used as examples in class, and she never, ever got a failing grade. so why is her professor now telling her that a soundtrack is going to make or break her grade? and why does the person helping her have to be one of the members of the group she’s listed as her personal enemies? can this final be turned in safely?

[kiwiraccoon]

In the Twilight

Ateez x OC

Word Count: 2678

Summary: She lives with eight men, it was planned by all their parents. They spend hours together and hours apart. They do things together, for each other, and on their own. She reads by her window and they join in. They fall in love first, and she falls harder one by one.

Notes: FLUFF that’s all

part 1

The pages on my book glow in the twilight of the setting sun through my window that I sit next to regularly. The words stick out against the beige pages and I lose track of time while reading. It’s a common occurrence causing the boys to interrupt my time to call me for dinner. If they didn’t I would skip the meal unintentionally.

“Your dress will get wrinkled like that.” A voice calls out from the other side of our decently sized library. He walks into the room with grace that calls attention to him even if he doesn’t want it.

“Will it now?” I jest, a smirk growing on my face as I close my book with just my finger holding its place. He continues walking towards me and I can do nothing but watch his elegance. I’ve learned much from him about etiquette, and how to hold oneself in a pleasing manner. If it weren’t for him I would be curled up on my windowsill and slouching in a very uncomfortable position.

He chuckles, “It will.” He moves to stand near where I sit allowing himself to see the beautiful landscape I find myself wanting to paint from memory many times.

“Did you come here for something?” I ask not out of annoyance, a feeling I never have towards him, but out of curiosity as he usually has something in mind for us to do when he does gain the courage to interrupt my time.

“I’m just enjoying the view.” He says softly looking out to the landscape and I look down smiling, opening my book once again. I know he has an idea but refuses to pull me away from my book when I am not at a perfect stopping point. He understands my love for words on pages and their stories better than any of the others.

“There are other windows, Seonghwa.” I say with a small laugh at his antics, but continue reading as to finish the chapter quickly.

“But none have this beautiful view.” He says simply, and without looking I can feel his eyes on me rather than the view outside causing a small smile to form on my face.

“It is quite nice isn’t it.” My pages turn as he ponders his next words. I can feel the way he wants to ask me a question but his morality refuses to let him ‘bother’ me. I always found it cute how he would wait for hours if he had to just to be sure he wasn’t intruding on my time alone. The way he would either grab a random book of his own to occupy his mind with or simply just sit on one of the couches and enjoy the ‘view’ before him.

“Indeed,” he breathes in for a moment obviously fighting his inner turmoil. “Uh… Do you have a book mark?” The way his voice shakes but also peaks in both curiosity and worry makes my smile grow once again and pull my eyes to him.

A chuckle escapes my lips, “nope.”

“Well then,” he clears his throat and steps closer to where I sit, “do you mind remembering the page you are on?” I see the way his Adams Apple bobs as his swallows down his stress. I never truly understood why he felt so scared or uncomfortable with gaining my attention. But I admire his consistency even if I do wish sometimes he would just give in to his desires and whisk me away without a question.

“May I ask why, Seonghwa?” I put emphasis on his name as I memorize my page number and close the book. Without missing a beat I hear a slight laugh blow through his nostrils as I haphazardly toss my book into my windowsill and turn my body to face him more. 

His hand reaches out in request for mine, “I would like to show you something.” The smile on his face never fails to make my heart stutter, he has one of those dazzling smiles that anyone would give their all to see again. Or just leave them wishing they could have the beautiful image painted in their mind just for them to see.

“Oh alright then.” I take his slightly larger hand in mine and let him pull me from my seat. He places my hand in the crook of his elbow as he leads me out of the room and to this mysterious place I can’t wait to see.

“What were you reading?” He questions breaking the silence and creating a comforting atmosphere, well more so adding to it as I have never found myself even slightly on edge in his presence. Over the years we have grown close, maybe it was because we saw each other often through our parents meeting or maybe just because for some reason we are just puzzle pieces who only fit comfortably with one another.

When our parents sat us down and told us we would be taking over the residence we both smiled to each other and silently agreed to celebrate later alone. This was before we found out about the others, but even then we still celebrated in the moonlight with our favorite wine. “ A beautiful romantic scene.”

“Will you tell me about it?” He smiles down at my encouraging me to tell him about the scene he so wishes he didn’t drag me away from but couldn’t wait much longer.

“Well, a charming prince took his beautiful princess to the gardens in the middle of light rain to dance… and then you showed up” I smile back up at him to show him that I didn’t mind and simply enjoy his presence no matter the time.

He slightly squeezes my hand against his arm, “I’m sorry to interrupt.”

A soft giggle escapes me and causes me to cover my mouth before responding, “I like your interruptions.”

“Is that so?” His smile grows more and we make our way out of the long hallways and into the larger rooms of the main area.

“Mmhmm.” I hum, “you always take me somewhere nice.” It’s common that he would whisk me away to a nighttime stroll through our garden, or even through our many halls just to let us get time alone and enjoy each other's presence. But other times he would take me out for a horseback ride and we would find ourselves in a beautiful landscape that would make me gasp and him laugh. I would spin around and dramatically fall into the grass laughing while he would slowly walk over and look down at me as if I hung the stars. He believes it to. Especially when we stargaze at night, he swears I placed each star just for him to look at, and I wish I did but I would do it so much better.

“Are there any interruptions you don’t like?” He asks.

“Wooyoung, Yunho, and Jongho sometimes.” I admit chuckling as he gasps when I say Yunho’s name. “Let me explain. Wooyoung always takes my books away when I’m at the best part then reads them himself, Jongho just sits there silently and stares I usually don’t mind but sometimes I can only feel his eyes and I can’t focus, and Yunho. Well, he makes the silliest jokes at the worst times. I will be reading a really intense or sad moment and all of the sudden he’s making a joke about one of our cats falling earlier in the day.” 

“And yet you never tell us to go away.” He shakes his head and pulls me towards our massive ballroom leaving a confused look on my face. 

“I could never… the ballroom?” I ask now pulling away from his arm and spinning a round the open space that has recently been cleaned. I can see decorations around the room along with the placement of large tables specifically for the food and drinks to come.

“We have the ball tomorrow.” He reminds following me around the large space elegantly.

“Ah right, tomorrow. I almost forgot.” 

“You forgot. Do you have a dress?” He corrects, and asks me a question he knows the answer to. Seonghwa is always prepared, possibly even weeks in advance. Sometimes I worry if he even spends time just to himself and not worrying about what’s to come and how to help all of us to prepare.

I laugh at his question, “I know you have made me one already.” More often than not he spends most of his time creating clothes for us, but he enjoys making me dresses the most. I remember him saying that creating dresses gives him more room for creativity than a simple suit for the guys. And I can’t help but agree and have zero rebuttal.

“You know me well.” He pulls me to him softly be the arm and smiles down at me. I swear his smile if enough for me to die happy but I would be doing an injustice to all the other guys in this estate. All of them hold a piece of my heart whether they like it or not. 

“Always,” I whisper patting his chest before looking around the room and smiling to myself. “It’s beautiful in here.”

I see him shake his head slightly in the corner of my eye. “You light up the room more than you know.”

“Oh really?” A blush finds its way creeping up my face and I turn away from him pretending to look around the room again. I don’t know why but suddenly I feel nervous under his gaze. Maybe it’s the intimate moment we are sharing, but we have shared many before. So many that compliments are normal conversation topics for us, and even though I get flustered never once has my blush made me want to turn away.

“Yes.” He places a finger under my chin and turns me to look at him once again while giving me a small smile with a smirk mixed in. He clears his throat, “do you have someone accompanying you?”

“All of you usually accompany me throughout the night, you know, I never have just one.” I state smiling at the memory of what they all tend to do throughout the night of a ball. Hongjoong accompanies me during the toast and first dance. Yunho makes me laugh when I grow bored. Yeosang and I whisper amongst ourselves about the music. San helps me relax when I feel there are too many people. Mingi steals me for a dance when he feels I haven’t danced enough. Wooyoung tugs me to the balcony at just the right time to get fresh air and chat. And Jongho takes me to my room when he notices my fourth yawn. Finally, Seonghwa makes me feel like I belong yet stand out all at the same time.

“Would you mind if I whisked you away for a dance this time?” He asks knowing he rarely gets a chance to dance with me thanks to the others. And for some reason he now feels the need to do so, but I can’t help but think how cute his invitation is.

I smile and tuck a piece of hair behind his ear and whisper, “I would never mind, Seonghwa.”

He leans his head down to connect with me and close his eyes letting out a sigh of relief, “good.” 

In the moment I can’t help but think how perfect it would be to just give in to temptation. “How about a dance now?” I ask pulling away to look into his eyes that always remind me how pure he really is.

“There’s no music?” His eyebrows furrow causing me to let out a small laugh and shrug.

“We don’t need music.” I pull him into position and start a simple dance enjoying the moment of peace and serenity with the one person who gives me that feeling just with his presence. He leads me into the dance and we hold eye contact the whole time, fully embracing a moment we claim as ours.

“Is this like your book?” He questions with a little smile on his face.

“No this is our own moment not written on pages but in history. Everything that is done is history whether it was written down or not.” I explain fully believing my words and hoping he understands what I mean. I want us to make history together, our own history that maybe no one else will ever hear but it doesn’t matter to us.

His teeth shine through his smile, “you have a way with words.”

“Well I do read and write often.” I jest smirking at his smile. Our relationship will forever amaze me at how we can be serious yet challenging to each other in a joking way no matter the situation. Whether it’s alone in the middle of the night or in the dining hall with the others watching our interactions. Of course one would insert themselves and steal our thunder but we wouldn’t have it any other way.

“I could listen to you speak all day.” He admits leaning our heads together once again letting his vulnerable side show in this moment. He has shown it many times with me and every time I can’t help but do my best to memorize every single moment even if it’s only fleeting.

“My voice would grow hoarse.”

“And yet I would still listen and when you can’t speak I will still be near.” He replies swiftly throwing me for a loop, it usually takes him a moment to think of what to say and now he knew exactly how to respond. With words that left me stumped and flustered more than normal.

I pull away and look into his eyes with a furrow in my brows, “now it is you who has a way with words.”

He laughs at my response and continues our dance. There is nothing but our breath and footsteps creating the music around us. Music would do nothing but pull us away from our own thoughts that run wild in the intimate moment that I can’t quite understand is doing to my emotions. “Would you like to see your dress?”

“No,” I reply simply.

“Why not?” His brows furrow as his spins me around in front of him.

“I know it is beautiful because it is you who made it.” My words catch him off guard and I can only tell by the way he only slightly loses his footing. 

He again clears his throat before regaining his footing and meeting my eyes. “Why do you think that?”

I send a smile his way and grip onto him a little tighter hoping he can feel my emotions through my touch. The emotions I can’t quite understand fully myself. “I always follow you because I know that whatever you see fit for my eyes to lay upon must be beautiful in your eyes and I wish to appreciate all the things you find worthy.”

“Yourself?” He asks quickly looking into my eyes more seriously and pulling me slightly closer.

My head tilts slightly to the side quickly, “what about myself?”

Our movements slow as the dance reaches its end. “I find you beautiful.”

The blush I had just cleared my face of rises once again and I can’t help but lean into his chest to hide away. He chuckles at my response and rubs my back to soothe any embarrassment I might be feeling. “And I appreciate myself maybe not as much as I appreciate you and the others but enough.”

“Appreciate is not the word I would use.” Our dance ends and we just hold each other close as we finish our conversation.

“What word would you use then?” I ask and start to pull myself away but he refuses to let me go pulling me in closer.

“Admire, adore, treasure, the list goes on.” He admits.

“Then I do ado-“

“Ah there you are! I have been looking for you!”

[sweetiesicheng]

hongjoong

* - personal favorite ; ! - popular (over 50+ notes) ; ☆ - (over 100+ notes)

last updated : 11/07/24

|

> practice !

- you’re a part of a group of trainees and after your monthly evaluations, you practice with one of your friends who helps you teach you how to produce.

> one morning *!☆

- you’re spending the morning doing some work. hongjoong eventually gets up and spends some time with you before heading out.

> tour !☆

- what’s better than going on tour with your company? getting to be with the your boyfriend every single day

|

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[atolua]

𖥻  WAKE UP CALL ˒ 𝐞𝐭𝐚.  autumn  of  2021   

EDITION .. when ed sheeran said, “my bad habits lead you to me.”

FEATURING .. kim hongjoong  ˚ mention of other teezers

CW(S) .. intentionally overworking one’s self  &  lua’s literally ateez’s guardian angel

MONA SAYS .. barely scraped myself out of writers’ block for this.

“stop doing that..” hongjoong grumbles, a yawn falling off right after.

lua momentarily halts before continuing to card her fingers through his tangerine tresses. it tells the tired leader that she did hear him, but she doesn't want to listen. and deep down, he's happy about it.

after numerous events occurred in the first half of this year, hongjoong can't recall the last time he actually took a break. (yes, he knows going to the toilet doesn't classify as one.) still, his workaholic side tries to lift him off the sofa, only for lua to bring him down again.

this time, she forces the younger to lie down and rest his head on her lap. “stop it, kim hongjoong. you're not going anywhere until you get enough rest.”

oh no, the government given name.

“fine, i'll just close my eyes for an hour.” he finally concedes, mainly due to the fear that she'll revoke his playing with his hair privilege.

one hour is joined by two, then five. and the sleepy leader only comes to realize this when his alarm clock goes off. it isn't loud enough to wake up the whole building, let alone lua—

“moon?”

the girl in question stirs a little from the sound, but he quickly turns it off before she can fully wake up. a good thing too, because it gives him some time to observe her. and the longer he looks at her, the more his guilt churns in his stomach.

at some point, she could have moved him and settled into a more comfortable position. or she could have even woken him up so they could go back to the dorms—then again, he might tell her to go ahead and fall back into producing..

regardless, she chose neither of those options.

it doesn't matter if that means she'll be dealing with neck pains or an aching spine for the rest of the day, or maybe even the week. what's important is that her friend finally gets the break he's been neglecting.

now that is the real alarm that wakes hongjoong up.  

(after that, he cut down on his all nighters. and despite not knowing what sparked this change, the other members shared the same emotion: relief.)

❑ TAGLIST  ..   @stealanity @ateezivy @cixrosie​ 

[mi-rae07]

Kim Hongjoong : Fight For Me (Part 3/3)

Pairing : Kim Hong-joong (Ateez) and named character (Park Helena)

___________

Helena brushed hongjoong's bangs off of his forehead as he slept peacefully beside her, his bare upper body covered with the blanket. He looked so beautiful like this, so vulnerable but so perfect. And as helena thought about what hongjoong must have gone through, sacrificing his body and his happiness in order to bring her benefit, it made him all the more beautiful to her.

She had kissed each of his scars tonight, each of them proof of the love hongjoong had for her. It was ironical, cheating as a form of love? Anyone would find it stupid, but she understood.

Helena leaned forward and kissed his still sweaty forehead, hongjoong giving a satisfied sigh before nuzzling closer towards her uncovered upper body. Helena smiled and wrapped her arms around him before resting her head on top of hongjoong's, breathing heavily.

Helena frowned as she felt hongjoong mumble something weakly against her chest, that not really being coherent to her.

Helena : can you say that again for me, love?

Hongjoong : please don't leave me.

His voice sounded so broken, so desperate. It sounded like the result of everything this man had gone through, before and after meeting her.

Helena : hongjoong.

Hongjoong : I love you so much, please don't let go of me.

Helena : I won't baby, I won't.

Helena pulled back as she felt hongjoong's tears wet her bare skin, her thumbs coming to wipe them off as she pecked his swollen lips before whispering

Helena : I won't ever leave you, my love.

____________________________

That night hongjoong had no nightmares.

____________________________

Helena looked up as hongjoong walked down towards the dining room, his head lowered and his hands clenched beside him. He knew what had happened last night, his memories were still quite intact. And it embarassed him, how easily he had given up.

Helena : good morning.

Hongjoong said nothing. Instead he sat down opposite her on the dining table before quietly eating his breakfast.

Helena : do you feel okay?

Hongjoong said nothing.

Helena : hongjoong, I need to know. Do you feel fine?

Hongjoong : no, but that's not your problem.

Helena : hongjoong I…is this about last night? Because I-

Hongjoong : I was under the influence of a drug last night. None of what I said, or did last night was in the right mind.

Helena : are you saying all of that was false, then?

Hongjoong : helena please-

Helena : I can't have you keep lying to me, hongjoong!

Hongjoong : helena I can't be with you! I'm trying to fight it back but you're not making it fucking easy for me!

Helena : because I want you! Because I don't care if you're infertile, or cheated on me, or whatever the hell you've done. Let the world think I'm fucked up for this, let the world think you don't deserve me, let them think whatever the fuck they want! I still love you, and I know you love me too. So stop fighting me, hongjoong.

Hongjoong stared at helena for a long time, almost making her think he would give in. but he didn't. instead hongjoong stood up before walking away, leaving helena high and dry.

_______________________________

Helena was going through some paperwork when the door to her office room suddenly opened, revealing park jejun. She looked back at her work as soon as she saw him, trying not to walk over and punch the man right in the face. But she kept her composure as she asked in a cold voice

Helena : who let you in?

Jejun : nobody really has to?

Jejun shut the door behind him before walking closer to helena, making her roll her eyes. Ugh, how she hated this man.

Helena : stand 5 meters away from me, jejun. I will not have you invading my private space.

Jejun : we've fucked like, a million times before, helena.

Helena chuckled, looking up at jejun as she said

Helena : and all million times I had to pretend I was feeling good.

Jejun : you little-

Helena : please. Give me a break, jejun-ah.

Jejun : and him? That little shit of a secretary of yours? He makes you feel good?

Helena : more than you could even imagine, as a matter of fact.

Jejun : he gives you nothing, helena. No money, no power, no mansions-

Helena : I can give all that to myself all well, jejun. I don't need anyone to give me material things, I'm a CEO. Hongjoong gives me happiness, and love. Something no one else could ever give me the way he does. So get out before I report you for having drugged my man's drink last night.

Jejun groaned in anger, taking a flower vase that was on helena's desk before smashing it against a nearby wall, causing a loud shattering sound. Helena did not flinch, just continuing to stare at jejun with bored eyes. But she looked up when the door to her office burst open, revealing a panting hongjoong as he eyed around the room in worry.

Helena : hongjoong?

Hongjoong glared at jejun who was now looking at him with furious, walking inside before asking

Hongjoong : why the fuck is he here?

Jejun : do I need to give you an explanation?

Hongjoong grabbed jejun's collar, taking jejun aback by his actions.

Hongjoong : no, but for drugging my drink last night? Probably.

Jejun : you didn't die, did you?

Hongjoong : unfortunately. Now pay for it.

Jejun : what?

Hongjoong : pay for what you just broke, bastard.

Helena : hongjoong-

Jejun : you think I will?

Hongjoong : it's either that, or I force it from you.

Jejun cursed under his breath and lifted his fist to punch hongjoong, making helena's eyes widen. But before she could say anything hongjoong had already caught jejun's fist in his, jejun's fist shaking in his hold as he tried to use all his strength against hongjoong. But it was of no use, hongjoong was clearly much stronger. And before jejun could process anything more, hongjoong had kicked him right in the gut, making jejun cough as he stepped back in shock. Helena stood up from her seat as hongjoong said

Hongjoong : I tried to play nice and you wouldn't stand it.

Hongjoong stepped forward and punched jejun in the nose this time, making him groan as he held his bleeding face.

Hongjoong : you drug me, kill me, I don’t fucking care. But you step in here and cause trouble to her, I will not stand it.

Jejun looked up at hongjoong with shocked eyes as hongjoong said

Hongjoong : so fucking pay for the damage and leave, jejun. Also, do yourself a favor and don't return.

Jejun huffed and took his wallet out before throwing a bunch of notes on the floor, walking out of the office angrily and in part embarassment. Hongjoong rolled his eyes and picked up the note from the floor before placing it on helena's table, saying to her in a nonchalant voice

Hongjoong : I'll call the maids in to clean the mess for you.

Hongjoong was about to turn around and leave when helena said

Helena : show me your hand.

Hongjoong : it's fine.

Helena : hongjoong, listen to me.

Hongjoong let out a breath and brought his hand closer to her, helena's eyes softening as she saw the small bruises on them.

Helena : you keep getting hurt.

Hongjoong : this isn't much big of a deal, helena. It'll go away-

Helena : come with me.

Hongjoong : what, why?

Helena : to put medicine, of course.

_______________________________________

Helena : why did you do it?

Hongjoong : do what?

Helena : fight for me.

Hongjoong looked down at helena who was slowly taking care of his bruises, being as gentle as possible.

Hongjoong : I wasn't, I was taking my anger out on what he did to me yesterday.

Helena : liar.

Hongjoong : believe it if you want, it doesn't matter.

Helena : and how long am I going to have to keep trying?

Hongjoong : stop trying, helena.

Helena : I'm not used to that. We wouldn't be sitting here in this building if I could do that easily. I don’t give up on the things I love.

Hongjoong : I cheated on you, helena.

Helena : yeah? So if I cheat on someone as well, does that make us equal? Then will you stop fighting me?

Hongjoong looked away, his eyes closed in frustration.

Hongjoong : stop doing this.

Helena : I won't stop until you give in.

Hongjoong looked up as helena brought his bandaged hand towards her lips and kissed it, whispering softly

Helena : I want you, and I will never stop wanting you until I have you. So fight all you want, but I'm not going to stop.

________________________________________

2 months later :

Helena entered her penthouse after having gone out for half the night, small amounts of alcohol still pumping through her veins. But it was small, it didn't matter. It helped take her mind off of how hongjoong was so resilient in fighting against her anyway.

Hongjoong : why are you so late?

Helena turned around and smiled at the sight of hongjoong standing right behind her, his eyes sleepy. Of course, it was 2am.

Helena : were you worried, hongjoong-ie?

Hongjoong : I was annoyed, helena.

Helena snorted and was about to walk forward when hongjoong said

Hongjoong : you have to stop buying me gifts.

Helena : gifts?

Hongjoong : yes, gifts. First it was flowers, now it's cars? Helena you can't waste your money like this-

Helena : no money spent on you is wasted money, my precious.

Hongjoong : stop calling me that.

Helena : you used to like it.

Hongjoong : not anymore so stop.

Helena : m'kay, precious.

Hongjoong groaned as helena chuckled, stepping forward to move to her bedroom. But she paused right on her tracks as she heard hongjoong say

Hongjoong : can I leave?

Helena frowned, turning back to face hongjoong with now confused eyes

Helena : leave where?

Hongjoong : it's been 3 months, helena. I…when will I be able to leave here? Leave this place?

Helena : you…want to leave?

Hongjoong : yes, yes I want to leave.

Helena felt her heart racing at the thought of losing him.

Helena : hongjoong I-

Hongjoong : I'm tired, helena. I'm tired of having to do something I don't want to do. Can't you understand? We can't be together, we must not. Please just fucking let me go.

Helena's heart dropped as she stared into hongjoong's teary eyes, only coming to a realization then that maybe…maybe she was hurting him by doing all of that she was doing. Maybe he just doesn't want her anymore.

Helena : okay.

Hongjoong : what?

Helena : yes, fine. Leave if you want, hongjoong. Leave me, leave this house, leave everything.

Hongjoong : I-

Helena : no! you cheated on me thrice, but I still kept forgiving you, I still kept fighting for us. And even now, even to this very moment, I have been the only one fighting for this relationship. But a relationship can only stand if the both of us fight for it, it cannot be a one person battle. So if you're tired of me, as you always have been, then go! Fucking leave and don't ever return.

Hongjoong stared at helena as she scoffed and whispered

Helena : I'm sick and tired of you anyway.

And before hongjoong could reply helena had already walked back towards the door, stepping outside the penthouse and going god knows where.

______________________________

Helena had been driving aimlessly around the entire city for god knows how long. She swore she could even slowly start seeing the sun rays by now. But she still couldn't go home, her tears wouldn't let her. Her blurry vision had almost failed her many times, but she swept the car away right at the second it was about to hit someone. But it could be anytime now, and she still couldn't stop. Hongjoong's words kept running through her mind, each of it stabbing the wound in her heart even deeper.

And before she could process it, a truck was coming her way at a very fast pace. And this time, her vision had failed her. But even at that moment, helena thought of hongjoong's smile, the sounds of his laughter, and swept her car away almost suddenly. But it was still of not much use, as the car skidded and struck a hard surface, causing helena's head to hit the steering wheel.

Helena groaned as she heard the sound of her phone ringing, quickly blinking her eyes open as she felt blood drip down her forehead and in other places she didn't bother to look. The light from the phone made her pick the phone up with her trembling hands, smearing blood all over them in the process as it's caller ID read "My love".

Helena picked it up almost instantly. And the first thing she heard was a sob.

Hongjoong : please come back! I'm so sorry, I'm so fucking sorry. I didn't mean it, any of it. I want you to come back home please, please!

Helena smiled at hongjoong's already scared voice, that small movement causing her pain as she said in a broken voice

Helena : I can't.

Hongjoong : what…helena? Where are you-

Helena : hongjoong, it's alright even if you don't leave now. Because I am going to.

Hongjoong : what? No, no! helena please, what are you saying-

Helena : I have always…always loved you. No matter what you have done to us, or to me.

Helena could hear hongjoong's sobs get louder from the other side of the call as he pleaded desperately

Hongjoong : no no no, no you cannot leave like this. I said I was sorry, I don't want you to go away, helena.

Helena : I love you.

And hongjoong's broken, scared sobs were all that could be heard as the phone skidded away from helena's now limp hand, a drop of her tear flowing down her eye and mixing along with the blood as she finally closed her eyes.

_________________________________

Hongjoong had found helena almost an hour later. He had tracked her phone and had found her smashed car. He had taken her out, his chest heavy with loud sobs as the ambulance he had called earlier arrived, taking the both of them to the hospital. And throughout the way hongjoong had held helena's hands, whispering apologies against her ears as his tears fell onto her body drop by drop.

He regretted everything.

And by the time they had reached the hospital, the nurses had told hongjoong that helena had lost too much blood, and that she needed a blood donner. Except her blood type was AB-, which was hard to find at that moment. And then hongjoong had volunteered, because his blood type was the same as hers.

And throughout the next hour blood had been pumped out of hongjoong's body, which was then used to save the life of his lover. And as he laid side by side to helena's unconscious body, he thought,

I have wronged her in so many ways and yet she always kept fighting for me. Now I am going to fight for her, until the moment I die.

__________________________________

Helena opened her eyes with a small groan as her eyes slowly adjusted to the bright light, hongjoong being the first thing she saw.

Hongjoong : oh god, you're awake! Do you feel okay? Fine? Does it hurt anywhere-

Helena : hongjoong.

Hongjoong : yeah?

Helena : why are you here?

Hongjoong : what do you mean why am I here? You got into an accident, helena! I almost thought I'd lost you-

Helena : you're not supposed to care. You're supposed to leave.

Hongjoong pressed his lips together, letting go of his hold on helena's hand as he said slowly

Hongjoong : I can't.

Helena : stop playing with me-

Hongjoong : I know, I'm sorry. But I won't leave. Yesterday night, I got to feel what it would feel like to actually lose you, or be away from you and I…I can't let that happen anymore. It tears me apart.

Helena : what are you trying to say, hongjoong.

Hongjoong : I'm trying to say that I'm going to stay with you from now. Just the way you fought for me, I'm going to fight for you. For real this time.

Helena stared at hongjoong, not yet being able to comprehend him completely.

Hongjoong : I have too many scars, too many wounds, but I'll bear it. I'll bear it all for you, the same way you did for the past decade. We can take it slow this time. Fall in love slowly, get engaged slowly, marry slowly, think about children slowly, everything will go on it's own pace. But I want you to stay with me, please.

Helena : you're being real?

Hongjoong : as real as I can get. I know we have a lot to work on, but for you, I'm willing to try.

Helena stared at hongjoong for a long time, before finally saying

Helena : I'm willing to try too.

Hongjoong smiled widely, leaning forward and kissing helena's forehead before whispering

Hongjoong : I love you.

______________________________________

[binnie-bitch]

Milkyway of Love

(Based on ‘Woman Like Me’ by @simpracha - read their fic first before touching this)

Ateez Fanfiction Relationships: Hongjoong/Jameela(OC)/Seonghwa Word Count: 997 Tags: Mild Angst, Talking about Feelings Summary: Hongjoong and Seonghwa talk after Jameela leaves. A/N: Seriously, read ‘Woman Like Me’ before looking at this. This is just a little fanfiction for a fanfiction, like it doesn’t make much sense without the context of WLM. Plus WLM is amazing. Anyone who didn’t read it, is missing out. This is an early birthday gift for you @simpracha <3 It’s not much, but inspiration hit me. When I finish my other fic, I’ll eventually write more, cause I have more thoughts. --------------------------------------------------------------

Jameela came into Hongjoong’s life like he was a star colliding with a planet. She drew him into her gravitational pull and he bursted on impact into a million pieces. Against her winds trying to scatter his remains back into the atmosphere, he clung to her beautiful surface of fresh grass and colorful flowers. Every touch from her delicate hands broke him down further until he was nothing but dust on a molecule level. Desperate to not lose his footing, Hongjoong dug into the earth, fingers clinging to her smooth skin, planting himself into her flesh down to her bone. She let him. Then she didn’t. One moment she watered him with feather kisses and love confessions, then she ripped at his roots. Hongjoong clung to her every being with the promise to bloom into the most beautiful flower to ever decorate her land. He couldn’t risk flying back out into space, lost among the cold void, alone until the death of the universe. Jameela was perfect and Hongjoong could barely breathe in her presence. Yet, she was the air filling his lungs. He never quite understood what he was to her, if she needed him like he needed her, if his roots even reached her core. Whatever he meant to her, Jameela left. She ripped him from her earth, and he floated away, away, away. All he could do was watch as she grew smaller and smaller, a million light years apart. And as if going through a thousand year evolution in the span of a month wasn’t enough, Seonghwa dragged him into a black hole of feelings he hadn’t dared to explore since he realized them. Another confession of love that complicated this already expanding milkyway of problems. Hongjoong had to make a decision. The idea of running after Jameela was tempting, his heart aching for a better ending than her tear stained face and frustration, but that last bit of sanity still not succumbed to his obsession had him text Seonghwa that they needed to talk. Jameela was a piece of his heart, but so was Seonghwa. Jameela needed space anyway and Hongjoong couldn’t risk losing his best friends, his closest confidant for years. His own feelings had to come second. Whatever they were, he had to figure them out later. The door beeped and slipped open. Hongjoong kept forgetting that Seonghwa had the code. He paused the track on his computer, his distraction while he waited, keeping both his mind and heart busy. But the moment his eyes met Seonghwa’s, it all came crashing down again. Hongjoong swallowed. Dropping his gaze, he vaguely gestured towards the sofa. Hesitant steps filled the room. Seonghwa’s boots came into view, clean and way too many buckles that didn’t even do anything. “Hongjoong-ah-” “No.” Hongjoong looked up. Seonghwa ducked his head between his shoulders, slim fingers clinging to his pants. He was shaking. A blotchy flush decorated his cheeks, too close to the pattern on Jameela. At the right angles, damp spots glistened against the cheap light of the single lamp standing on top of the desk. Hongjoong took a deep breath. “You fucked up,” he said. Seonghwa flinched, sinking deeper into himself. “I know.” “I don’t hate you, Hwa, but-” Hongjoong shook his head, throat tight against too much that he should have said a long time ago. But if he had, would that have changed what Jameela did to him? Would it have saved them both from her intoxicating laugh and bright eyes that seemed to hold the universe? “Joongie,” Seonghwa said, voice cracking at the edges, “I don’t expect you to forgive me. Not only that I ruined your relationship with Jameela, but ours as well. I shouldn’t…I shouldn’t have. I was selfish.” “Yes, but I was too.” Seonghwa perked up with wide eyes. “What?” “I mean that I wanted Jameela for myself without once considering what it means for her. I just wanted her. We both fucked up with her.” “Hongjoong…” “And we both fucked up with each other. I can’t…” Hongjoong pressed his lips thin, eyes darting all over the room as if the bare walls and overflowing trash can held the answers. “I can’t give you what you want. Not now. I don’t even know if I ever can.” “I don’t expect you to,” Seonghwa insisted. “I know, but it’s unfair if I don’t even consider it. Whatever will happen with Jameela, if I lose her forever or not-” Hongjoong reached out and took Seonghwa’s hand, warm palm so familiar. “-I want you to be by my side. I need you by my side. As my friend, as…something else. I have to figure out what I want, and I’m probably being selfish again, but whatever I decide on, don’t distance yourself from me.” Seonghwa’s eyes grew with every word. His hand twitched where it was held, body visibly shuddering at the distress breaking Hongjoong’s voice. He blinked and a tear slipped from the corner of his eye. Hongjoong couldn’t stop himself from wiping it away with his thumb. Seonghwa tensed up at the contact, but inevitably leaned into his hand that Hongjoong couldn’t bring himself to pull away. Because everything about them was inevitable. Whatever this was between him and Seonghwa, between him and Jameela, between Seonghwa and Jameela. They could have never avoided it. Hongjoong was a fool swallowing his feelings for his friend, denying himself to just be. He still couldn’t bring himself to let go. Not without closure with Jameela, and Hongjoong was sure Seonghwa thought the same. Whatever was going to happen, he had no one else to blame but himself. He crashed into Jameela, already bruised from Seonghwa doing the same to him. But just as the universe stretched endless with billions of stars, so did Hongjoong’s love for the most important people in his life, and he wasn’t going to give up on them if he still had the energy to hold them both close.

[sunmoonjune]

spring tides [like the moon universe]

pairing: poly!ot8 ateez x fem!oc!reader

warnings: vague mentions of eating disorder, death and torture, scars, ptsd, very fluffy! a lot of comfort! not so dark this time xD I did not proofread this :D

word count: 14.1k

a/n: hello y'all :D I have returned with some LTM for you <;3 This is a oneshot for my like the moon universe! You don't necessarily need to read the series to understand this fic but it definitely helps the immersion and understanding some of the plot points! you can find all chapters of ltm on my masterlist <3

Seonghwa remembers something in the spring of your third year with Ateez. As he watches you at Jongho’s side, silently offering the guard slices of fruit as he cleans his claymore, Seonghwa recalls that he doesn’t know when your birthday is. 

Jongho is murmuring something about the design of his blade and the engraving along the handle when Seonghwa stands abruptly. The eldest shifts on his feet, brows furrowed and teeth worrying his bottom lip. His lips purse when Jongho questions him. 

“Hwa?” 

The red-haired guard looks up at his partner with a lilt of concern in his voice, hands halting their motion on his blade. Jongho’s dark eyes glint as the fading sun catches the hickory color of his irises. 

“Is there something wrong?” Jongho continues, already shifting to stand to his feet. “Are you alright?”

You rock on your feet, legs stretching as you prepare to stand with Jongho. Your eyes flicker across camp, scanning for whatever has caught Seonghwa’s attention. There’s two swords still strapped to your back and you can nearly feel the cool metal pressing into your skin – a haunting reminder of the terrible things you’ve done with them. The buzz beneath your skin itches with the beginnings of adrenaline, already prepared to stand and defend the two Ateez members at your sides.

Seonghwa lifts his hands and shakes his head to soothe you and Jongho before you can stand. He softly waves his hands to encourage you to sit back onto the carved log beneath you, a wary smile on his lips. 

“No, it’s nothing,” he murmurs, still gnawing at his lip as he finishes. He offers a barely concealed sigh and shakes his head again. “‘M alright, just remembered something.” 

Jongho doesn’t seem satisfied with the answer, but he settles back onto the floor regardless. His hands return to wiping down his claymore but he doesn’t look away from his partner. 

You share the sentiment, continuing to watch Seonghwa and making note of each creak and scratch that echoes through the camp. You don’t know what startled him, but you’ll be prepared for the next time. The fruit in your hands has made your fingers sticky in the brief moments you spent looking up at Seonghwa rather than cutting the supple treat. 

You don’t mind though. You like slicing fruit for Jongho.  He doesn’t eat enough, you’ve noticed. You’re not quite sure why, but you suppose you don’t quite know how to ask. No matter the reason, it brings you comfort when he continues to take slices of succulent fruit from you as he cleans. He doesn’t look up, simply trusting you to place the pieces into his hands so he can eat without trouble. When you sat beside him that morning with the fruit in your hands, Jongho raised an eyebrow but didn’t mention it. You ate the first few slices before offering them to the wine-haired guard, who accepted them with a small smile. Every so often, he turns slightly, ensuring that you’re continuing to eat as much as he does. 

At one point he tilts his head back, looking up at you with those pretty, boba pearl eyes and opens his mouth slightly. Both his hands are occupied, busy with the intricate care his blade necessitates. With your heart thumping quickly in your chest, you place a slice of fruit on Jongho’s waiting lips and try desperately not to linger on the thought of how full and supple they are. 

“Thanks, love,” he murmurs without looking at you, the words sweet and saccharine in the low timber of his voice. 

Seonghwa laughed when Jongho’s cheeks pinkened after that, but you weren’t really sure why. 

Turning his attention to you, Seonghwa looks down at your figure. Sitting with a slight slump in your shoulders, the spymaster smiles faintly. Slouched posture is a good sign, he muses. You’re comfortable. 

When you tilt your head to the side, silently questioning Seonghwa’s thoughts, you reach up to gingerly grasp his fingers. There’s no hesitation. There hasn’t been in a long while. Seonghwa extends his hand in offering when he notices your appendages twitch. His warmth sinks into your palm and you nearly hum at the soothing feeling. 

You squeeze his hand twice before lingering for a longer third.

‘Are you okay?’ you silently question.

Seonghwa’s lips quirk into another gentle smile, but his eyes are distant. It makes your heart tug painfully. The hickory of his near-black irises is muted. You miss the glimmer of those sweet, dark eyes that show when he smiles. 

“Yeah, m’alright, lovebug.” 

Your heart slams into your ribs – a delighted feeling. Lovebug. You like that. 

Seonghwa leans closer to repeat the gesture, squeezing twice and then lingering for an ‘okay.’ His other hand lifts to run over the back of your head with a delicate movement. Fingers carefully scratch against your scalp and you resist the temptation to lean into his hands and exhale softly. 

“I have to go see Joong and Yunho, though. I really did just remember something I wanted to speak to ‘em about,” he whispers. Dragging his nails gently over the nape of your neck once more, Seonghwa smiles when you finally lean into his touch with a quiet rumble. He thinks you look positively cat-like. When one set of lashes flutters against your cheek in a tired, pleased expression, Seonghwa could coo at the endearing look. He withholds only to save you the embarrassment of his mother-hen tendencies. 

Your one eye flickers over his expression once more before you relent and nod your head just once. Seonghwa’s hand begins to pull away from your head, and this time you do make a tiny sound of sadness. The eldest feels his heart squeeze at your reluctance to be parted from him, leaning close to drag his thumb over the stiff material of your mask with a sweet touch before he stands upright once more. 

“I’ll be back in a minute, okay? You and Jongho finish up and join us for dinner soon.” 

You let out a short exhale through your nose, a sound they’ve taken to signify your agreement. Jongho’s lips twitch at the noise, trying to hold back the laugh he wants to let out. 

“Okay,” you whisper softly beneath your breath as you lean back against the back of the log. Seonghwa smiles and finally shifts his stance to leave, only pressing a gentle kiss to Jongho’s brow before walking off. Your head tilts one last time as Seonghwa leaves, wondering if perhaps one day he’ll kiss your head too when he takes his leave. 

The archer finds Yunho before Hongjoong. The tallest of Ateez is easy to collect when Seonghwa gives him a meaningful look. The tension in the eldest’s brow must convince Yunho that there is something important he is needed for because he immediately follows after Seonghwa. The two find themselves in the Captain’s cavern, his and Seonghwa’s really, standing before the long-haired leader with a small frown on the archer’s lips. 

Hongjoong mimics the frown, coming to a stand behind the desk currently holding a plethora of worn maps. 

“What’s wrong?” 

Seonghwa sighs, squeezing his fists together before he turns to face Yunho with a solemn expression. 

“When’s her birthday?” 

Yunho’s brow quirks at the same time the tension in his shoulders finally loosens a notch. Sighing softly, he licks his lips and answers.

“Tiny’s?” 

Seonghwa nods, the expression on his face unchanging: serious and solemn, as if the situation was as grave as a wake. Hongjoong glances between the two men, his brow now lifted in surprise, but he says nothing. 

“It’s been three years since she’s been with us,” Seonghwa murmurs tersely. “But we haven’t celebrated her birthday. The first year I could understand missing it – I mean, she was still adjusting to Ateez, and even after that she’s still a little apprehensive. Not that I blame her, of course – I just… It’s been three full years and I can’t believe we’ve missed her birthday at least three times.” 

Yunho’s bottom teeth sink into his lip and his eyes suddenly dart towards the floor. He swallows once, shifting on his feet and sighs as he ponders how to answer Seonghwa’s question. The eldest watches his partner with that same, tense look and his eyes glisten with something sad – something understanding, as if he knows Yunho’s answer before he speaks it aloud. 

“I don’t know,” Yunho finally answers quietly. He looks down at his feet, unable to meet his elder’s eyes. His eyes squeeze shut with another sigh that shakes through his shoulders. He repeats himself louder, still just barely above a whisper. “I don’t know.” 

Hongjoong steps forward from behind his desk. “What do you mean ‘you don’t know’?” 

“I mean I don’t know,” Yunho whispers sadly. “And she doesn’t either.” 

Seonghwa licks his lips, grasping at strings as he scrambles to find the right words to say. 

“I don’t understand. How can she not know her own birthday?” 

Yunho won’t look up from his feet. His fingers curl into fists and the tips of his nails dig into his palms from the tightness of his grip. He can’t bring himself to loosen his hold. 

“Tiny, uh… After everything that happened with her – with that village, they don’t particularly regard her… fondly, you know?” 

Yunho speaks slowly and methodically, as if trying carefully to pick the right words to say. His tone is terse and cold, the disdain for the village of his past more than evident in his voice. Hongjoong looks up at his partner with a frown still on his lips, his heart pulsing sadly in his chest. 

“But she doesn’t know her own birthday? No one in her village told either of you?”

Yunho sighs again, finally looking up at his Captain with grief plastered across his features in an expression neither man can ignore. Seonghwa is already stepping forward, settling an arm over Yunho’s shoulders and rubbing his thumb across the taller man’s jaw. 

Yunho leans closer to Seonghwa and continues, voice deep and throaty with the weight of his words. “We celebrated it once. Back when we were young – back when… Daia was still around.” 

Hongjoong looks away. 

“But even then,” Yunho continues softly, trying not to think of the bony cage casting shadows of your quivering form. You were so young. Little fingers grasped the cold bars that separated him from you, desperately whispering a plea for him to leave. He should have known your father wouldn’t let you celebrate your birthday like he and the other children did. But the smile on your face was so pure, so genuinely happy that he could never utter the words that may wipe it away. 

 “We didn’t know the exact date – just that she was born in the spring. Her father… well he killed the attendants that assisted her mother through labor. Not that we could prove it, of course. Anyone around for Bug’s birth… isn’t around anymore. And Bug was raised kind of secluded the first few years of her life. No one knows exactly when she was born and her father certainly wouldn’t say.” 

Seonghwa’s eyes continue to glisten with that broken look, and he licks his drying lips before he speaks. His heart throbs painfully, echoing the sadness in his face.. “And… after Daia wasn’t around anymore?” 

Seonghwa hates that he asks. 

Yunho shifts on his feet and looks away again. 

“I, uh… I don’t know much of what happened after Daia…” he trails off for a long moment. “By that time, the village and her father turned their backs on Bug, and I… I was exiled a few years later.” 

Seonghwa thumbs over Yunho’s jaw again, trying to soothe his lover’s agony. Hongjoong steps closer and lays his hand across Seonghwa’s back, their combined sadness near tangible in the cavern hall. 

“Bug’s birthday…” Yunho finally continues. “She’s never seen it as a good thing, you know? Her father and the village certainly didn’t see it that way.” 

Seonghwa’s eyes sadden, the shine of his irises dulling at Yunho’s confession. He turns over his shoulder to look at Hongjoong and presses his lips together, as if regretting bringing up the topic altogether. 

“A good thing?” Hongjoong whispers. 

Yunho shakes his head, his frown dragging down his lips as he breathes softly. “Not something worth celebrating. The day she was born was… the start of everything bad, I guess.” 

Seonghwa’s eyes squeeze shut, the burn of tears forcing pressure to build in the corners. 

“Sometimes I think,” Yunho whispers tiredly, his eyes cloudy and unfocused as he stares into the distance. “I think she might hate it; that she might despise the day of her birth because of all the pain that came after.”

Hongjoong takes a deep breath in through his nose, trying to soothe the anguish that swells inside his ribs. There’s grief there, rage too, settling in the pit of his stomach and pushing upwards into his chest and throat. It’s not directed at you – it could never be. It’s towards your father, towards your village, towards anyone that has looked at you with disdain and uttered that foul moniker he knows makes you flinch. 

“I’m sorry, Yun.” 

Yunho shakes his head, leaning into Seonghwa’s hand and looking down at Hongjoong with his eyes glistening with welling tears. He swallows, clearly resisting the urge to cry, and kisses Seonghwa’s thumb when it brushes his mouth. “‘S okay, Seonghwa. I know your intentions were honorable.” 

Seonghwa nods, finally leaning forward until his head rests against Yunho’s collarbone. An arm wraps around the eldest’s shoulders and Hongjoong presses himself against Seonghwa’s back, encasing both him and Yunho. 

“So don’t bring up her birthday, then?” Hongjoong whispers, frown still drawing his lips downward. He speaks the question into Seonghwa’s shoulder blade, his lips grazing the tunic covering his skin. 

Yunho is silent for a long moment. No one speaks and the sounds of their hushed breaths are all that echo through the hollowed cavern. Yunho ponders his Captain’s question in the silence and thinks of your growth in the years you’ve spent in their camp. Would you rather they never mention your birthday again? Or would you appreciate a different kind of memory to replace the shaded pains of the ones long past?

Soon after, Yunho leans forward to bury his face into Seonghwa’s hair before he breathes deeply and pulls back, a small quirk lifting the corner of his lips. He thinks of you and that youthful grin that used to grace your lips more often as a child. Yunho recalls the mischief in your smile and the wonder that would flash across your eyes, and he begins to twist an idea around his thoughts. It’s that look he wants to see again. He always wants to see it; the mischief, the awe, the teasing grin you used to throw over your shoulder to get him to chase you through the training grounds. He wants that so badly. 

“Actually, Captain…” 

Hongjoong peels his head away from Seonghwa’s shoulder, looking up to meet Yunho’s eyes with a raised brow and a question in his eyes. “Hmm?”

Yunho finally manages a fraction of a smile, stroking his hand over Seonghwa’s shoulders as he speaks. 

“I think there might be a way we can show her that her birth is something worth celebrating. I’ll need your help though.” 

“Anything.” 

“Anything for her,” Seonghwa finishes at the same time Hongjoong speaks. 

Yunho’s heart swells. The soft grin on his features begins to stretch, mirrored by his two elders. Pride begins to surge beneath his skin and it makes him feel fuzzy. 

“What do you need?” Hongjoong whispers into the fraction of space separating their lips. Yunho huffs a smile, leaning closer until his mouth brushes against his leader’s. 

“How do you feel about a little trip, Captain?” 

Time passes easily. About a week goes by after the conversation between you, Jongho and Seonghwa before Hongjoong announces that Ateez will be spending a few nights traveling away from camp. He won’t say where they’re traveling to nor why they’re going, but there’s a mischievous grin on his lips when you tilt your head in suspicion. No one will tell you anything about the adventure other than handing you a cloth pack to gather some things for the trip. 

Mingi helps you clean your blades and slides them into the scabbards on your back for you. Seonghwa packs food away carefully and slides extra servings of dried and cured meats into your pack followed by the fruit he knows you and Jongho love. San and Yeosang sit by your side as you help sort the first aid supplies the camp may need. The inky vines wrapping around Yeosang’s forearms flashes from beneath his sleeves, and you find yourself following the sight of the tattoo each time you peek a glimpse of golden skin covered in leafy shapes. 

San laughs and raises an eyebrow at his lover when he flicks his shirt above his waistband playfully, showcasing the span of scales descending over his hip and up his waist. He giggles when you reach forward to pull his shirt higher over his side, eager to follow the lines of ink up his torso. San pushes your hands away and promises to show you one day. Wooyoung enters the cavern a moment later and exchanges a knowing look with San, as if the same pattern of obsidian scales crawls up the opposite side of his own torso. 

On the morning Hongjoong announced their leave, you pack the last of your things diligently in the cloth pack given to you. There’s something fond rippling through your chest as you slide a hand over the large tunic laid across your bed. 

The sensation seeps all the way down to your toes, a bittersweet happiness that arose from the realization that you’ve never… owned things before. 

In that village, nothing was ever yours. It was always stolen or taken, never owned. 

But now… 

Now there’s all kinds of things in your corner of the medical cavern. There’s the little rope of twine with eight little beads Yeosang gave you to fiddle with so you wouldn’t pick and pull at your nails. There’s the bear-hide blanket Jongho handmade when you started to grow cold in the winter nights. A pile of spare clothes tailored to fit your size sits beneath your bed. A hollowed shell of smooth, rich cream sits beside you, specially made for you by Wooyoung and San when they noticed your scars were particularly aching in the cold weather. There’s a whetstone and cleaning tools beside your swords, left there by Mingi when he noticed your blades were dulling. Seonghwa always leaves a myriad of flowers beside your bed each week, and the dried stems of all his past bouquets hang above your on a piece of twine Joong brought you. There’s armor and chainmail beneath your bed, presented by Hongjoong with a shy smile. He cleans them for you when he thinks you’re not looking, ensuring the armor stays in good shape and protects you well. One of Yunho’s thicker tunics lies at the foot of your bed, a staple of your growing closet of clothes. He knows you like having his scent nearby. There’s books too, ones from the medical cavern and ones from Wooyoung, who you’ve discovered is quite the avid reader. 

There’s just… all sorts of things. 

And you’ve never really owned things before. It’s strange. And quite enjoyable, you decide.

You like owning things. You like being part of Ateez – being part of a family. 

With your lips twitching upwards into a fond smile, you stand with the last of your belongings and slide the straps of your cloth pack over your shoulders. It sits a little strangely on your back but you huff and step out of the cavern anyway. 

The rest of Ateez is already outside, shuffling the last of their belongings into storage and closing up the cave system behind you. A wooden sort of door slides shut behind you and the viny, earthen cover falls over it. It’s perfectly concealed from the wild, appearing just like any other cropping of rocks and stone. You marvel at their ingenuity and turn to find Wooyoung approaching you with a smile on his lips. 

“Good morning, Bug. Are you ready?” 

Your head tilts with a question as Wooyoung’s hands shift upwards to the straps of your pack. He raises a brow once, always asking for permission before he touches, and you shift closer and slide your hands onto his hips with a nod of your head. Wooyoung’s smile seems to widen, if at all possible, and he carefully begins to adjust the straps of your pack so it sits better across your back. Your gaze follows his hands, tracing over the fading scar on his one wrist – the space where a rusty shackle used to sit. Your lips quirk happily at the sight of the missing metal cuff, now long buried in the earth. He hums happily at the feeling of your hands on his waist, and chuckles beneath his breath when he feels your hands attempting to weasel under his shirt – likely another attempt to get a look at the tattoo you know sits there. 

Wooyoung huffs a breath as you skate a gentle hand over his bare hip, focusing on the wavy shape of an oscillating line your draw over his skin. He translates the word as ‘what’ and understands your inquisition to mean ‘Ready for what?’ 

“Can’t tell you,” he laughs, his chest shaking with the motion as you squeeze his hip in retaliation. “Sorry, baby. Captain’s orders; take it up with Hongjoong if you want to know so badly.” 

Your one eye rolls and Wooyoung laughs again, that bright, cackling sound echoing through the trees in a burst of noise that makes your heart flutter. You like Wooyoung’s laugh. 

“C’mon you two!” Hongjoong calls from a distance, already beginning to pace towards the southwest. “We’re burning daylight. Let’s get moving.” 

You respond with a choked hum despite knowing your Captain can’t hear it. Wooyoung grins, finally satisfied with the adjustments he’s made on your pack, and turns over his shoulder to call back, “We’re coming, Captain. Relax a little. It’s barely dawn, we’re on schedule.” 

You don’t need to see Hongjoong to know what expression the Captain has on his face. A tiny smile appears on your lips and when Wooyoung turns back to face you with a hand held out in offering, his grin beams once more. 

“C’mon, baby. You wanna walk with me and Sannie today?” 

Your answering nod is a little too eager, but Wooyoung doesn’t mention it. 

To you, anyway. The smug grin he shoots over his shoulder at Mingi and Yunho is met with a sigh and an eye roll. The vulgar gesture Mingi throws back goes unseen by you too. 

Seonghwa sees it though, and the sound of Mingi’s squawk when he’s slapped across the shoulder by the archer makes Wooyoung laugh again. 

It’s springtime. The forest is filled with bright shades of emerald green and flowers have begun to sprout along patches of sunlight. Lupin tickle at your ankles when you pass and you watch their lilac and lavender petals sway in the wind with a fond expression. Your last bouquet from Seonghwa was fresh Lupin flowers, a growing favorite of yours he has noticed. 

Wooyoung holds your hand as you walk, sometimes shifting to allow San to take his place. They talk happily as you stride through the forest, following Yeosang and Jongho as they lead your band of warriors through the trees. You still don’t know where you’re going nor why you’re going there, but you trust your Captain and you trust your family. 

Eventually, you unlink your hands from San to step ahead and walk besides Mingi and Yunho. San’s resounding pout and soft sigh are lost on you, but Wooyoung slides his hand into his partner’s empty fingers with a grin and a teasing poke to San’s side. Mingi intertwines his fingers with yours with a beaming grin and a happy chuckle, swinging your hands between you as you walk. He points out the flora and fauna he recognizes along the hike, explaining their uses as he recalls Yeosang’s teachings. He mentions the honey-haired healer’s tattoo sleeve of medicinal herbs and shows you some of the plants he recognizes to be inked into Yeosang’s skin. You eagerly categorize the leaves and petals of each plant, hoping that you’ll one day be able to find each one decorating Yeosang’s skin. 

The first night away from camp is spent sleeping beneath the stars. 

Your group of nine lays huddled together in a clearing in the pines, with a small fire burning quietly in the center for warmth. Shifts for watch are assigned and you find yourself curling between Yunho and San that night with a promise to take the final watch with Seonghwa. With cicadas clicking in the distance and a cool breeze rustling the branches above you, you find sleep easy that night. Strangely enough, despite resting out in the open with no cover around, you find you can sleep calmly. Nestled between your Yunho and your San, their body heat keeping you warm even underneath the fur blankets swaddled around you, you feel safe enough to sink into a well-earned sleep. You know the others will wake you if there’s trouble lurking about. They would never let anything happen to their family. 

The next day is spent between Hongjoong and Seonghwa, happily listening to their stories and eagerly nudging the both of them to show you some of the ink decorating their skin. Once you found out about Yeosang’s tattoos, there was nothing holding you back from asking the others about their own. Seonghwa relents with a teasing grin towards Hongjoong, showing you the pattern of large scales that crawl up his forearms. You trace the delicate scales with a happy sound, not noticing the shiver that crawls down Seonghwa’s spine. Hongjoong rolls his eyes at his partner, but he almost wishes to show you the ink decorating his back and spine too. He only waves you away with a laugh when you turn to him with a tilt of your head and a happy question on your lips. 

That night you sleep between Yeosang and Jongho, one of your legs wedged between the youngest’s and your hand clumsily intertwined between the healer’s fingers. This time, the nine of you settle in a cliff alcove, sheltered from the fog and the light drizzle of rain that spatters through the forest around midnight. 

There’s no telling how far you’ve traveled from Ateez’s hollow. It’s been two days of mostly hiking and stopping for breaks and meals, but you’ve long grown used to strenuous labor so the walk is not nearly as difficult as you once thought it to be. You still have little to no knowledge on your destination as your Captain is tight-lipped about the matter. He only gives you soft smiles and quiet laughter when you nag him about where or why you’ve left camp. 

On the third and last day of your long journey, you walk between Yeosang and Jongho at the front of your pack. The two have been leading you for three days, seeming to know the way without needing a map or compass. Every once and a while, Yeosang looks up at the night sky and lifts a hand to palm at the stars. You understand he must be checking your position, ensuring that they’re still on the right path, but you don’t ask. You find Polaris winking down at you each night with a fondness in your chest, and you give her a gentle, barely-there smile each time you see her. 

The healer and his partner pace through the trees with newfound urgency that morning. The two members eagerly shuffle through the trees with beaming grins and an energy that you cannot help but mimic. They’re excited about something – unfathomably so. 

“We’re almost there, honey,” Yeosang encourages you, holding out a hand to help you scale the final boulder before you begin your descent back down the mountainside. “Just another mile or so, I promise.”

You trust him. 

The others have begun to feed on the buzzing atmosphere building in the group. There’s tension simmering, but a good kind, as if there’s something awaiting your family at your destination. You don’t know what it is, but it must be something good if they’re eagerly beginning to quicken the pace. 

Soon after you begin your descent down the small mountain, the dense foliage of pine trees and packed soil gives way to something softer – something you’ve never quite seen or felt before. It’s pliable and squishy beneath your feet, allowing your weight to sink into the material with each step. It leaves footprints in your wake, the ground shifting and moving beneath your feet. 

Sand. 

It’s sand. 

You know it’s sand because Yeosang has some collected in a small jar in the medical cavern. You’ve never seen it before: sand or the sea. You found the tiny bottle of eroded stone once and carefully examined it with a puzzled expression until Yeosang found you. The miniscule grains of rock and shell shifted in the bottle as Yeosang explained where it was from. 

You listened to him for hours that day. 

He talked about the sea and his life as a captain of his own ship from the hour of the sun’s peak until it descended beneath the horizon. You were fascinated. Eagerly hanging onto every single one of his words, you listened to Yeosang with a rapture you couldn’t describe. He spoke of the ocean and the smell of salt in the fresh air, mentioning that there was a particular hint of something so ocean-like in the scent that he couldn't begin to describe. Yeosang described the sand and the shore, detailing how the plush sand like the stuff in his bottle gave way to harder packed ground the closer you grew to the sea. He talked of how it felt to play in the waves and to feel the cool touch of the ocean on his skin. 

You marveled at him for hours, longing desperately to one day know the smell he spoke of, to feel the ocean breeze tickle your skin and to feel its waves brush against your feet. 

It sounded wonderful. 

So when the sand beneath your feet begins to thicken, giving way to clumsier footsteps and the sound of something roaring in the distance, you perk upwards. 

Your entire body slams to a halt, startling San who walks behind you. Jerking upwards, your one eye darts over to Yeosang, who stands with Jongho at his side, already looking at you. There’s this look in their eyes; something fond and gentle – an expression you’ve begun to recognize. They watch you as you begin to piece together the information you’ve gathered of this little trip, smiles on their faces as you realize where they’ve taken you. 

At your side, San begins to bend forward, his hands reaching out to pull at the laces of your boots and chuckling beneath his breath. You reach out to stabilize yourself on his shoulder as you make a sound of confusion. 

‘What’s going on?’ you try to question without speaking.

At your back, Yunho runs a hand down your spine and soothes the tension in your shoulders. You reach back, grasping his hand with a strength that surprises you and draw that oscillating squiggle across the back of his hand with a bewildered expression.��

‘What’s happening?’ 

There’s another word you want to say. One you don’t have a translation for. A word you’ve never spoken or seen. 

Ocean. The sea. 

You don’t have a word for it. 

But you can smell it now. That salty, fresh sort of scent with a hint of something you cannot place. Just like Yeosang described. 

The sea. 

San taps your leg, garnering your attention and helping you lift your foot so you can place it on his knee. He’s kneeling at your feet, one leg propped up to lift your foot and the other in the sand beneath him. The healer pulls at your laces, beginning to untie your shoes and pull them from your feet with a grin. 

“C’mon, sweetheart,” he murmurs with that low timber that makes you shiver. “Let’s get these off.”

Your held tilts in confusion. Seonghwa chuckles behind you, leaning into Mingi’s side and shooting a look over at Wooyoung. “Gotta take your shoes off unless you want sand in the soles, Bug. It’ll be a pain to walk back with all that in ‘em. I promise you’ll never be able to get it all out.” 

Hongjoong laughs from beside Jongho, the Captain throwing his head back with a knowing grin. “Speaking from experience, huh, darling?” 

Seonghwa rolls his eyes and ignores his lover, dropping a hand to intertwine with Wooyoung’s. The younger eagerly locks their fingers together, smiling happily and leaning his head onto Seonghwa’s shoulder as you process everything. 

The others begin to pull off their own shoes, tying them to their packs or holding the laces in their fingers. Mingi laughs and pushes Wooyoung when he bends over to undo his laces, and when Wooyoung stumbles, he shouts indignantly and lurches upwards for revenge. Seonghwa laughs and tries to settle them, only to end up yanked out of the way by a grinning Yeosang. Wooyoung and Mingi screech at each other, beginning to race down the sand towards the roaring sound that continues to swell in the distance. 

You worriedly look down at San, his dark irises already looking up at you with adoration swirling behind them. The healer pulls off your sock and carefully sets your foot back onto the sand, watching as you marvel at the plush, cool material beneath the soles of your feet. 

“C’mon, tiny,” Yunho laughs behind you, chest rumbling as he speaks. The vibration echoes through your back from how close the warrior is pressed against you. He grins when you shiver pleasantly. “We’ve gotta catch up.” 

San lifts your other foot delicately and places it on his waiting knee, repeating the process of taking off your shoe and sock before he ties the laces together and stores them away in his pack. Before he sets your foot back onto the sand, San’s eyes twinkle with something mischievous.

He leans forward and drags his fingers across the skin of your calf, eyes crinkling as he smiles. You look back down at him with your stomach fluttering pleasantly, watching as San leans forward and presses his lips to the side of your calf. 

Oh. 

His lips skate over the muscle and his hand rests where your thigh connects with the knee. You feel your breathing still. Air catches in your lungs, and some burst of emotion lurches into your throat as you stop and stare down at the healer with one widened eye. You can feel the smile on San’s soft lips as he drags his mouth from your calf to your knee, kissing your skin sweetly as he goes. He drifts over scars both fresh and faded, but does not stop moving as he ascends up your calf. San leaves a trail of goosebumps in his wake, your skin practically shivering under his touch and lighting ablaze when he pulls away.

Oh. 

You stare open-mouthed at the healer when San finally slides a hand down your leg and deposits it onto the sand. You lick your lips once, trying desperately to come up with words to say, but there’s nothing. Just the trail of blazing heat San left behind and a roaring fire beginning to spread inside your chest. You can practically feel the heat in your face, and you lift a hand to palm at your cheek as San watches with a teasing grin. Your figure practically vibrates as you shiver through the emotion bursting through you. 

“San…” 

Said healer mimics your shiver as you whisper his name, fingers dancing along your calf before he stops. He presses one final kiss to your knee, at the crease of the joint, and this time your eye slides shut with a shiver. The plush feeling of his lips against your skin is ambrosia for your soul and the barest touch of moisture is left behind when he finally pulls away. 

He looks up at you with honey in his irises, hand skating down your calf once more and smiles. 

“C’mon, Bug. We’ve got places to be,” he teases, saccharine timber never failing to make you melt. 

As if he wasn’t the one distracting you. 

Finally, you’re able to squeeze his shoulder thankfully and San beams up at you in the way that makes those sweet little dimples poke out of his cheeks. You nearly lean forward to caress a finger of the indents that make your heart mushy, but still as the cool sand sinks between your toes. 

It’s… soft. 

The sand melts beneath your soles like butter, cradling your heels and caressing your skin like silk. You wiggle your toes and awe at the feeling, watching the sand shift and move with your lips just barely parted in wonder. San watches from your feet, his gentle eyes roaming over your partly-concealed face and grinning at the expression plastered across your features. Your lips are parted, but just barely, taking deep breaths to inhale the fresh air of the sea breeze and one eye dilated with awe. San's heart thumps vibrantly beneath his ribs, a song of your name. It calls out to you sweetly, and San swears that when he runs his hand across the bare skin of your leg, brushing over scars and broken skin, he can hear your heart call his name in return. 

Your one eye darts upwards to meet your Captain’s gaze. 

Hongjoong stares at you with some ineffable softness in his expression. He reaches a hand out to grasp your fingers, helping you step forward away from San. The healer stands from his kneeling position, his own footwear now missing, and joins you at your side. 

“You like it?” Hongjoong whispers as you near. 

The vigorous nod of your head is almost comical, and Hongjoong chuckles beneath his breath. Yes. Yes you like it. 

San beams at your side, unable to stop the mirthful sound of his laughter. It erupts from his chest in that giggling way that you adore. You tilt your head to look at him, your chest swelling and heart thumping with the tumultuous feelings surging within you. San reaches out to run a hand down your arm and you lean close offering a single line of ‘thanks’ across his palm. 

Yunho leans forward and pecks a kiss across your forehead, directly over the mask concealing the right half of your face and then turns to walk after Wooyoung and Mingi, San at his heels. He doesn’t acknowledge the kiss, but your heart jumps into your throat regardless. Your fingers itch to follow him, twitching in an attempt to reach for him, but you turn back to your Captain instead. 

Hongjoong is still looking at you, that ineffable softness still radiating from him. “C’mon, angel. Let’s go see the ocean.” 

You’ve never been more excited. 

Hongjoong begins pulling you in the direction the others have disappeared in, following them over the dunes of sand. At first, he pulls your awestruck figure behind him as you make your way through the deeping sand, turning back to watch you marvel at the grains of white and cream colored grains. Your feet drag, slowing the two of you down as you continue to look down at the sand beneath you. At one point, you can’t resist the temptation and you stop, carefully pulling your hand from Hongjoong’s to bend at the knees and drop into the sand. 

“Woah, angel!” Hongjoong gasps as you let go of his hand and urgently drop into the earth below. “Careful!” 

Dragging your fingers through the silky material, you watch the tiny pieces of sediment cascade back into the hills beneath you as they trail between your fingers. The sand is cool to the touch and gentle as it scratches against your skin. You thought it would be rough, but it’s not. Not this sand anyway. 

Seonghwa chuckles behind you, stopping to drop his hands beneath your shoulders and gently lift you back up to your feet. The others are little specks in the distance, just a few hundred yards away. The eldest carefully sets you on your feet and slides a hand down to intertwine with your own. 

“C'mon, lovebug. We haven’t even reached the good part yet.” 

The good part? You wonder. How could it possibly get any better than this? 

But as the crashing sound gets louder with each step you take and the smell of salt continues to grow stronger, you begin to realize what the good part is. 

Soon after, it becomes you dragging Hongjoong and Seonghwa through the sand dunes. Eagerly tugging them behind you as you race towards the others, you sink into the sand and stumble a few times, only catching yourself when either member scrambles to grab your waist. You push quicker through the deepening sand each time you right yourself, racing through the dunes until you finally see it. 

The sea. 

And you stop moving. 

Hongjoong and Seonghwa nearly crash into your back as you freeze, body halting at the top of the sand dune. Your one eye is transfixed on the view before you, mouth parted and body slack with awe. 

Waves are crashing along the shore, breaking into foamy surf as they collide with the cream-colored sand. There are little birds with thin, long legs dancing in the shoreline, pecking at things in the packed sand. You watch with fascination as they rush away in a flock from an oncoming wave. When the foam finally settles, they return to their feeding grounds, continuing to peck away at something beneath the darker sand. The smell of salt fills your senses and there’s a brush of water against your skin as a breeze carries a mist of salt onto the shoreline. 

You’ve never seen so much… color before. 

The ocean is blue. Green too, and teal and dark and bright, and every color in the range you can possibly think of. It’s aquamarine in the peaks of crashing waves and a darker cyan in the deepness of the salty water. There’s pale blue, creamy skies and even paler cream-colored clouds. You nearly wish you could reach out and touch one. 

It’s wonderful. And it’s so much more than you think you deserve. 

With awe on your features and mouth slightly parted, you stare mystified at the sea before you. Hongjoong steps up beside you, the others starting to circle back to stand nearby. They just stand there… watching you for a minute. 

They watch your one pupil dilate and your expression softens into wonderous glee. Their hands intertwine with each other, fingers squeezing one another and hearts thumping happily in their chests. There’s pride there, and affection too, roaring madly beneath their skin and calling out to the sea with a throaty, triumphant call. 

You like it. You like the sea. 

And they like you. 

Hongjoong slides a hand down your arm until he can gently link your scarred fingers with his own. Your attention briefly shifts away from the sea to look over at your captain. 

His soft brown hair rustles as the sea breeze flutters through the strands, and Hongjoong smiles. Eyes scrunching into a beaming grin, the one that you like so much, he offers a squeeze of your palm. The scar crossing his one eye moves with his expression and you adore the way it looks when he smiles. Chocolate brown irises flicker in the brightness of the sunlight and for a moment, you think you much prefer the color of his eyes than the enchanting blue-green of the sea. 

But it’s tough competition, of course. 

Hongjoong squeezes your hand once more, fully drawing your attention back to him, and he leans close to carefully grasp the side of your face. His palm gently cups your mask, stroking his thumb over the tough material with a delicateness you cannot fathom deserving. But he touches you regardless, even if it's the mask instead of your skin. Hongjoong doesn’t care that you continue to wear it. None of them do. It’s a part of you, and they’ll continue to care for you all the same. 

“Are you happy?” The Captain inquires, licking his lips as he watches you. 

The vigor in your nod nearly makes him laugh. His beaming grin only seems to widen and you find yourself stunned at how beautiful he looks happy. 

“Yeah? That’s good. I’m glad you’re happy, angel.” 

You want to ask something else. Something about why your little clan has ventured this far or perhaps something else, but you can’t begin to find the words for it. 

You don’t need to though. 

Hongjoong leans closer, his warm, umber eyes scanning your features as he whispers something only for you to hear. 

“Happy birthday, Bug.” 

You barely register the sentiment before your captain leans forward and gently presses his lips to the crown of your head. 

You don’t breathe. Too frightened that any movement will force him to pull away, you stay remarkably still and stare numbly into Hongjoong’s chest. 

His lips linger for a long moment against your hairline, and you feel the warmth of his exhale against your scalp. The feeling makes your stomach flutter pleasantly and suddenly your body feels like you’re going to vibrate out of sheer enjoyment. Another shiver tickles its way up your spine and you finally exhale shakily. Reaching a hand upwards, you clutch onto the hand Hongjoong has still cupping your cheek. 

Her heart finally throbs with a dull ache. 

Your birthday? 

You didn’t even think… 

Hongjoong exhales softly and bends to drop a second kiss onto your mask, just above where your right eye would be. It throbs suddenly, but not so painfully this time. 

Your birthday. 

They came all this way for you? 

All of this… leaving the camp, walking all this way, spending nights on the road, showing you the sea for the first time… they did this to celebrate your birthday? 

Your heart hurts. 

No one has ever done that for you before. 

You suppose Yunho and Daia tried once… but that didn’t end so well. Salt wells behind your one eye and your lip twitches just once, but it's enough for Hongjoong to catch. Your chest aches with the memory of your mother. It’s a hurt you could never quite soothe. 

The Captain’s smile is still bright when he pulls away but there’s a sadness beneath the joy. No, not sadness, you suppose. Something empathetic – something… bittersweet. 

Hongjoong knows. They all do. 

“My birthday?” Your mouth parts to let out the croaked sound. Your voice has gotten better. The deeper, rough tone of your voice has begun to fade after finally learning to use it again. It’s beginning to return to what it used to be – slow and steadily. 

From behind you, Yeosang hums deeply. You recognize the sound without turning to look at him. His voice always carries that undertone of sweet and smooth honey, and you can’t find any other way to describe it. 

“Yeah, honey. You told me you’ve never seen the sea, right? We thought it would make a good birthday present.” 

The healer is standing behind Hongjoong, San and Wooyoung at his sides and the rest of Ateez just beyond. They’re all here. For you. 

You shift on your feet, barely able to restrain the wetness of your one eye as you attempt to face them. Your heart still throbs, but it’s more of a pleasant ache – a good one. A sea breeze rustles your hair. Three silver rings click against your mask; a comforting sound that reminds you of home – of Yunho. The scent of salt in the air fills you with warmth and the silky sand beneath your feet cradles you in the earth’s gentle hands. The world itself seems to wrap around you in its kindness, delicately embracing you as if asking for forgiveness. 

It feels like your mother – like the hugs you can barely remember. 

The burn of tears returns tenfold. 

You’ve never celebrated your birthday before. It was never a day others regarded with joy, so you supposed it was only fair to see it the same way. You don’t even really know what day you were born. Father never told you – he never told anyone. 

But… perhaps this day – the day Ateez has chosen for you – can be your birthday. Maybe this time it doesn’t have to be a bad thing anymore. 

“We wanted to show you something new. Something good. Do you like it?” Wooyoung whispers as you process your feelings. His voice is apprehensive, as if he isn’t quite sure how you’ll respond to celebrating your birthday. You can barely hear him over the roaring sound of waves colliding with the shoreline and birds peeping in the surf. 

You’re already throwing yourself into Wooyoung’s arms before a moment of silence can pass. You crash into his chest with a crooned sound, a desperate cry of joy. 

“Yes!” You finally croak, the word sounding more like a sob than an agreement. “Yes, I like it!”

Wooyoung laughs happily as he wraps his arms around your waist, burying his face into the crook of your neck with a joyful sound. His chest vibrates with his laughter and you love the way it feels against your body. One of your hands slides out from between you and you urgently grasp ahold of Yeosang’s shirt and tug him into your pile with a quick movement. San follows soon after, lured in by Wooyoung’s touch and suddenly you’re buried beneath a mountain of Ateez’s warmth. 

Another wet sob leaves your lips, but it’s much closer to a laugh this time. 

“I love it…” 

And we love you. 

He doesn’t say it aloud, but Wooyoung hopes you hear it anyway. 

Seonghwa lets out a hearty laugh despite it sounding wet with his own tears, and he wraps an arm around Hongjoong’s shoulders as he tugs his captain close. The leader’s eyes are watery as he and the archer pile into your embrace. Mingi and Yunho follow quickly after, with the tallest of the two reaching out to snag Jongho’s tunic. The youngest is already moving, sliding beneath Yeosang’s arm to nuzzle into the healer’s side. One of his hands nestles between his lover’s ribs, resting atop your bicep. You push closer into their hands, warm and happy and still softly crying. 

You love it. 

It cannot possibly get any better than this. Not even the comforting breeze of the ocean air brushing over your skin nor the warmth of any roaring campfire could rival this feeling. There’s no warmth in the world that can surmount the heat of Ateez embracing you. Their hands carefully sweeping over skin leaves trails of pleasant heat in their wake, and the throb of your aching heart is only soothed by a soft coo leaving San’s lips. Wooyoung slides a hand over your head, pulling you closer into his neck, and you feel a bigger hand – Yunho’s, you know – scratch gently over your scalp. Another settles onto your hip, rubbing gentle circles into the bone. They’re Seonghwa’s, you recognize the calluses on his two fingers when they brush over the skin of your bare hip. Mingi’s hand settles across your back, resting between your shoulder blades. His firm touch and big hands are easy to decipher. Jongho’s wrap around your arm, strong and steadfast, just like you know him to be. Your captain’s smaller hand finds your fingers, sliding between them as you grip onto San with a fierce grip. 

Hongjoong’s hands tremble when he twists his grip to drag a line down your left ring finger. His gaze finds yours, a watery smile on his lips when your mouth parts in shock and your one eye dilated beyond comprehension. The Captain finishes drawing the line at the tip of your nail, where each of his fingers meets the end of each of yours. Then Hongjoong slides his hand into yours and squeezes three times. 

Yunho must have taught him that one. 

Because no one else has ever uttered those words to you – least of all meant them. 

Your grip tightens fervently, pulling until you can press Hongjoong’s hand into your chest and let him feel the racing pulse of your heart. It slams into your ribs with a thunderous pace, beating in a pattern you hope he can discern. You pull your head from Wooyoung’s neck just slightly. Just enough to lean down and press your lips to Hongjoong’s fingers. 

You hope he knows what it means. 

He does. 

“Happy birthday, tiny,” Yunho murmurs into the shared space between the nine of you. “We’re so happy you’re here.” 

You weep. 

Ateez spends three nights and four days at the beach. 

On the first, you don’t have the courage to venture too far into the shore. The roaring of waves crashing onto the sand is intimidating when you don’t know how to swim. You settle for watching the others splash and wrestle in the shallow sea. Their shouts of glee are enough joy to warm your heart. 

You watch Mingi grapple with Hongjoong on the shoreline, huffing softly with a grin when Mingi inevitably gets the upper hand. The guard lifts Hongjoong over his shoulder and laughs deeply as he storms his way towards the sea. 

“Put me down!” Hongjoong roars, smacking his hand against Mingi’s back. “Mingi!” 

The guard only laughs and spins the two of them in the shallows as he wades deeper into the waves. 

“Don’t you dare!” 

You watch as Mingi laughs brightly once more, calling out a “too late!” as he unceremoniously dumps his captain into the sea.  

Hongjoong dunks beneath the water with a roar, and for a moment you worry he won’t emerge again. He does, however, and lurches from the waves with an undignified shout and lunges towards Mingi as he laughs. 

“Get back here!” 

You grin and watch the two continue to wrestle in the waves. 

Jongho takes you onto the nearby rocks and shows you the wonders of tide pools. He and Yeosang spent years living by the sea, and he murmurs hundreds of little facts about each of the animals he can find. Crouching down by a shallow pool, Jongho reaches into the cool water and ever so carefully lifts a sea star from the water. He cradles it delicately, leaving it half submerged as he pulls you closer with his other hand. 

“This is a sea star,” he whispers, looking up at you and gesturing for you to crouch beside him. “You want to feel? You won’t hurt it.” 

 When you crouch at his side, Jongho pulls your hand towards him with a smile. Bent at the knees, you lean into his side and watch with a bated breath and marvel at the texture of the sea star still carefully held in Jongho’s hands. It’s soft and squishy beneath your delicate touch and you huff a smile as you watch with a mystified expression. 

You watch some of the tiny feet of the sea star wiggle in Jongho’s hand and whip your head over to face him with a question on your lips. 

Jongho is already looking at you, watching you instead of the sea star in his hands. He’s smiling, softly and sweetly, his eyes fixed on your one eye. They drift from your left one to where your right would be if not hidden behind the mask, then he drops them to your lips. Your breath stutters and you swallow shyly before Jongho lifts his eyes back to your own. 

He smiles, as if nothing happened and continues, “See the poky creatures down here? The ones that look like they have needles? Those are urchins. The sea stars will eat those.” 

It takes more effort than you’d like to admit to pull your gaze away from Jongho’s face. 

At another tidal pool, Jongho points out a creature he calls an anemone. The vibrant teal and green color of its shape mystifies you and you lean closer to investigate it. Listening carefully to Jongho’s explanation of the anemone, you look back up at him with a question in your eyes. 

“Yeah, you can touch that one too. Be careful though.” 

You don’t understand his warning but carefully drop your hand into the pool to delicately caress the anemone anyway. The chill waters surround your skin and you lean closer to touch the creature, you let out a startled squeal when its sticky tentacles wrap themselves around your finger. Surprised, you lurch away from the pool, confusion in your face and hands braced on the rock beside you. 

Jongho laughs so hard you think he might choke. 

You turn to look at him with furrowed brows and an upset pout on your lips, a little disgruntled Jongho didn’t tell you that would happen. 

The youngest continues to laugh at the utter confusion in your expression, finally bracing himself against you and apologizing. 

“Sorry, I’m sorry, Bug. I couldn’t help myself!” 

You frown and push gently at his chest, posing a little miffed at Jongho’s teasing. The youngest snorts and pulls you closer to his chest, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. 

“I won’t do it again, I promise,” he laughs. “We should wash your hands though, the stingers on those anemones can leave toxins on your skin. I don’t want you to touch your face without cleaning your hands first.”

You huff and nod, letting him lead you away from the rocks and towards the others. When you find San, you race away from Jongho and bury yourself into his chest with a pretend pout. The healer wraps you up in his embrace without question, turning to look at Jongho with a raised brow. Jongho rolls his eyes and laughs. 

Seonghwa and Wooyoung take you to collect shells in the afternoon. 

Your footprints linger in the sand behind you as you hold the archer’s hand and walk along the shoreline. The sand is packed beneath your feet closer to the shore and you find that there are all sorts of different shells just above the water line. 

You recognize some of the larger, smoother shells Yeosang and San use to store medicine sometimes. They’re scallop-shaped and hollow in the middle, and the healers like to use them for creams or other ointments. Seonghwa helps you carry some back to the healers who gratefully pile your collection into one of their packs. They can always use more shells in the medical cavern. 

Further down the beach, you find a plethora of smaller shells and drop down into the sand to rummage through them. There’s hundreds of them, some twisting into points and others round at the edges. Some are still split into pieces and others are still whole. Some are closed like a locket. Seonghwa tells you to leave those ones alone – there’s still creatures living in those ones. You gasp and carefully set the shell back down into the sand ever so delicately. The archer smiles fondly at your care for the earth and her creatures. 

One of the bigger shells that washes up on the shore catches your attention, and you rush over to the pristine, cream colored object. Yeosang called these conches. When you excitedly turn over the shell, you’re startled to find a spiny looking creature inside. A large claw grazes your hand and your heart lurches. 

You shout in surprise, jerking away from the shell with a gasp. 

“Bug?!” 

Seonghwa is at your side in an instant, hands on your back and pulling you away from the shell. “What happened?” 

 He doesn’t know why you shouted at first, too worried something has hurt you. His hands slide across your shoulders, turning you to face him and urgently scanning you for injuries. But when he looks down at the crab claw emerging from the shell, Seonghwa feels his chest shake with quiet laughter. Your head jerks back to look at the archer.

“It’s alright, darling. You just startled the crab living inside this one. He won’t hurt you, honey.”

Each shell you turn over for the rest of the day is done carefully and gently, and Seonghea feels his heart tug affectionately at how cute you look doing so. You nudge one with a stick to see if any claws come out and Seonghwa has to bury his smile in Wooyoung’s shoulder. 

“She’s so precious,” the warrior murmurs under his breath. 

Seonghwa hums in agreement, his head lifting from his partner’s shoulder to find you waving them over excitedly. 

“We’re coming, sweetheart!” 

Wooyoung settles at your side with a grin and looks down at the smooth stones in your hands. There’s a few rocks mixed in with the more ornate looking shells you’ve gathered, and Wooyoung tilts his head in an attempt to decipher why you’ve called them over. 

“What’s goin’ on?” 

Seonghwa’s heart stutters at the beaming smile on your lips. You smile more and this is not the first he’s ever seen, but each time you look up at him with that grin on your face, Seonghwa feels his stomach flutter and pride swell from his gut. He almost bites down on his bottom lip to resist sending you back a grin of his own, but Seonghwa doesn’t. And he’s grateful he does, because the way your one eye crinkles with joy when he smiles down at you makes his cheeks burn and his skin tingle. 

“Look!” You urgently whisper, swallowing around the word to repress how sore your throat is. 

Directing his attention to the dark stones in your hands, Seonghwa’s brows furrow in confusion. 

“I don’t understand.” 

You lift the stone beside his face, pulling Wooyoung into your side as you do. The two of you face Seonghwa as the archer grows more confused. The dark brown, near ebony-colored stone is lifted just beside his temple and you watch with a marveled expression as you shift your gaze from the rock to his eyes. 

“What is it?” Seonghwa urges. 

Wooyoung grins, his teeth flashing as he laughs sweetly. His two-toned hair ruffles in the breeze and Wooyoung turns to face you, squeezing your hip as he slides an arm around you. 

“That’s a good find, Bug,” he murmurs, looking back up at Seonghwa with honey in his gaze. “The same shade as his eyes. It matches him perfectly.” 

You nearly vibrate with happiness, wiggling a little in Wooyoung’s arms as Seonghwa’s eyes crinkle. “Really?” 

You nod fervently, reaching for his hand and dropping the smooth stone into his hand and curling his fingers around it. Seonghwa holds the rock carefully, not looking away from your one eye as he lifts it to press into his heart. 

“Thank you, darling.” 

You smile again, just a little twitch of your lips and nod. Then you turn to Wooyoung and weasel your way out of his grip to hold another up for him. This stone is a similar shade as Seonghwa’s, but just different enough that Seonghwa can see where you’ve matched this one to the exact hue of Wooyoung’s umber irises. 

You hold it out to Wooyoung with a tilt of your head and Wooyoung has to resist the urge to lean forward and squish your cheeks. He’s rarely seen you so excited – so… at ease. It makes every muscle in his body eager with the urge to hold you close and squeeze you tight. 

“For me?”

You nod excitedly and Wooyoung accepts the stone with a skip of his pulse. “Thank you, baby.” 

He and Seonghwa exchange looks and Wooyoung slips the stone into his pocket, where he knows he’ll keep it safe. 

“Help me?” You whisper softly, gesturing to the plethora of stones and shells beneath you. “For the others.” 

“Of course.” 

The two help you find six more stones, one of each of the other members of Ateez. Each one is the exact shade of their eyes – colors you know by heart. 

Wooyoung cannot tell you that after the trip, the rest of the boys gather to look at the stones and shells you collected for them. He doesn’t tell you that Mingi finds some twine and they braid bands for each other, carefully depositing their gifts onto string and binding them to each other’s wrists. 

On the first night, the nine of you sleep around a bonfire. 

The crackling flames keep you warm from the evening’s cool breeze, but you don’t think you sleep at all. The excitement and pure glee from the day keeps you awake. Adrenaline still roars through your veins and you settle for watching the stars for a moment longer. You find the twinkling shape of Polaris easily, and whisper your thanks up at her, just like you do every night since Jongho pointed her out. 

She winks back. 

The fire continues to crackle and the smell of wood burning soothes your nerves. Eventually, you pull yourself from your bed roll, carefully maneuvering away from Yunho’s warm chest and wrap your blanket around your shoulders. Quietly, you make your way over to the massive piece of driftwood facing the shore. 

Then, you drop silently beside Mingi, who sits and watches the sea. It’s technically his watch, but the guard faces the ocean as if he cannot bring himself to look away. 

Mingi does not startle when you find your place at his side, only shifting slightly to allow you to get comfortable. As you settle, you scooch as close as you can towards Mingi’s broad chest. Your side presses into his as you rest your weight against him and Mingi smiles, still looking at the sea. He easily accommodates your weight and wraps an arm around your shoulder, covering both your forms with his blanket. You snuggle close, burying your face into his neck and continue to watch the waves crash against the shore as the moon illuminates their peaks. 

You sit there for hours. Though you cannot sleep, excitement still pumping through your body, you find staying awake with Mingi is just as nice. Far more comforting, you’d even say. Mingi’s body heat keeps you pleasantly warm and his big arm stays wrapped around your waist. Soon after you settle, the guard drops his cheek onto your head and he breathes slow and deep. 

Even when Yeosang relieves him of his shift, taking over his place for watch, Mingi remains still. The two of you stay there until neither of you can keep your slowly fluttering lids open any longer. 

Yunho finds the two of you in the morning, and he kisses Mingi awake with a sweet grin and soft eyes. He brushes a hand through your hair and drops a kiss onto your head, eventually dropping onto your other side where he wraps an arm around both you and Mingi as the three of you watch the sunrise. 

The second day, you finally find the courage to venture into the waves with San and Yunho at your sides. Yeosang stands in the waves, waiting for you. 

San leads the way, walking backwards into the surf and holding both your hands. Yunho stands beside you, one of his arms reaching out to steady you and reassure you that he’s still there. You make eye contact with Yeosang and he winks at you. The honey-haired healer grew up in the sea. You know that if anything goes wrong, Yeosang will know what to do. 

“Let’s go, tiny. You’ve got this,” Yunho encourages, softly nudging you forward as you apprehensively toe the water line. 

You can’t swim. And you’ve never ventured into the sea before. 

It’s a little daunting, but the dimples on San’s cheeks and the smile on his lips encourages you to keep walking. You clutch his hands with a vice grip and gasp as the cold, salty waves cascade over your toes. 

“Sorry, lovebug. It’s a little cold.”

San laughs as you throw him a withering look. That information would have been helpful before you stepped into the sea. Yeosang laughs at your side, rubbing a hand along your waist and watching you shiver at the warmth of his touch. 

No matter how many times they touch you, you cannot help the way it makes you feel. 

“A little further and we can stop,” San murmurs, squeezing your hand when you stumble in the sand and pulling you closer. “C’mon, baby.” 

A few steps further and you stand at Yeosang’s side, digging your toes into the plush sand beneath your feet and marveling at how the waves lap at your knees. It’s cold, but you don’t mind since it’s a reprieve from the midday sun. When you turn your back to the sea, a strong wave pushes you closer to San and he laughs when you stumble into his chest. Water splashes upwards, and you get your first taste of seawater. 

“Woah!” San laughs, steadying you by the waist and watching as you stick your tongue out with an indignant sound. He can’t help the way laughter bubbles from his chest. You look positively betrayed by the ocean, as if the taste of salt on your tongue personally offends you. 

Yunho and Yeosang dissolve into giggles behind San, leaning onto each other to support themselves. Your one eye narrows and you shoot them an angry look, but San thinks you look more like an angry, wet cat than anything scary. Of course, he would never tell you that.

“I’m sorry, Bug!” Yunho laughs. “You just look so funny!” 

San listens to you grumble something under your breath, something that sounds like ‘showing him something funny,’ and then you bend at the waist and splash a mountain of water in his direction. 

Yunho guffaws at the betrayal and San dissolves into his own laughter, bending at the waist and bracing a hand on his chest as he cackles. Your grin is positively menacing, Yeosang decides. He wonders if you’ll become as much of a brat as Wooyoung if this continues. 

Yunho, now drenched in salt water and wet hair dripping into his eyes, enacts revenge and lunges towards you. San, ever the sweetheart, throws himself in between you and Yunho and the two sink into the waves with smiles. 

Eventually, when your skin begins to wrinkle from the time you spend in the waves and the sun begins to set, Yeosang and you step away from the shore to settle against the same piece of driftwood that marks your temporary camp. Yeosang sits atop the log and you lay just below him on the sand. You lean against his leg, just watching the rest of the boys continue to dance and swim in the surf. The sound of their laughter makes your heart happy and their gleaming smiles leave a grin of your own on your lips. 

It’s nice – smiling again, you mean. It’s a gift from Ateez they have not realized they’ve given, but you take care to treasure it regardless. 

You wrap an arm around Yeosang’s tattooed calf, your fingers occasionally dragging along the pattern of thorns that descend from his thigh. They wind around his leg, ending at the bone of his ankle and you’ve seldom been able to keep your hands away from the obsidian ink since he showed you. This, of course, is much to Yeosang’s delight, and the honey-haired healer can barely resist the way he beams so brightly when your delicate hands skim across his tattoos again. He loves it when you touch him. 

Mingi and Seonghwa leave the shoreline after a few minutes. They step away from the water to stoke the bonfire at the center of your makeshift camp. The flickering amber hues dance along burning bark and release a pleasant aroma onto the beach. You inhale deeply and lean further into Yeosang, humming happily when one of his hands reaches out to scratch along your scalp. 

Head scratches have become one of your weaknesses, you suppose. All it takes is for one of them to run their nails along your head and you’ll sink into their embrace with a happy sigh and mushy bones. 

When Mingi is satisfied with the roar of the campfire, he and Seonghwa press kisses to Yeosang’s hair and brush fingers over your hairline as they pace back towards the shore. 

A harmonious shout of glee leaves San’s lips as Jongho tackles him into the shallow surf, and there’s an uproar of laughter from amongst the boys. San shouts something along the lines of being cold and twists in the waves in an attempt to pin Jongho beneath him. Jongho, easily the strongest of the nine of you, maintains his place above San but spits salt water out of his mouth in surprise when his partner douses him with a splash. In revenge, Jongho prepares to dunk San’s head beneath the water, only to be tackled into the sea by Yunho. The youngest lets out a squawk of surprise as he sinks into the water and the laughter begins again. 

You turn your head towards Yeosang, resting your cheek against his knee and looking up at him with your one eye. You nudge him gently with your knuckles, drawing his attention to you. 

“Are you going to join them?” 

The honey-haired healer barely catches your question over the cacophony in the surf, but he smiles at the sound of your voice. He slides a hand deeper into your hair and scratches against the nape of your neck, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth when your eye flutters shut briefly. 

His eyes, chocolate brown and gleaming with the flicker of flames before you, are warm and strong. They look down at you like you’re the only thing he sees – the only thing he wants to see. 

It’s familiar. This moment is too. 

Shivering gently from the weight of his gaze and bones feeling mushy and warm, you look up at Yeosang and wait patiently for his answer. 

“No, not yet,” he whispers in return, expression soft and eyes tender. “I’m very happy where I am right now.” 

You inhale deeply through your nose, recalling when he spoke the same words so long ago. The exhale that shudders through your lungs is accompanied by the sound of Yeosang’s deep, honey-sweet voice. 

“I‘m happy here with you.” 

He finally has the courage to say it. 

You look away from Yeosang so he doesn’t see the water welling in your lone eye. The stroke of thanks you brush across his skin is enough to let him know what you mean. The swell of electricity zinging beneath your skin leaves you breathless and you lean into Yeosang’s legs to combat the shift in emotion. 

The healer hums sweetly in response, unable to look away from you. He examines you as you watch his partners, lifting his head when another uproar of laughter erupts when Hongjoong overpowers Wooyoung in whatever game they’re playing in the waves. 

But when you glance back at Yeosang shyly, you see it. 

You see the way he looks at you now. 

With stars in his gaze and affection glimmering in the shine of his irises, you see the way Yeosang’s features melt so sweetly as he watches you. He looks at you the way he looks at them; like he’s staring at his very heart and soul – like there’s nothing else in the world he’d rather gaze upon than your face warmed by the flicker of roaring flames and your one eye finally staring back into his. No apprehension, this time. No fear or confusion or worry or an amalgamation of all of them together. You just… look back at him. 

Just like how he looks at you. 

When Seonghwa and Mingi rejoin the parade, kicking up salt water and spinning through the shallows, the boys cheer gleefully and begin to dance. It’s chaotic and a mess of stumbling and laughter, but it’s dancing nonetheless. The sound of their joy is infectious and spreads along the beach until it reaches you and Yeosang.

But he’s not listening to them. He’s listening to you. His ears are trained on the sound that erupts from his feet, bubbling from your lips in a noise he’s been praying to hear. 

Laughter. 

You’re laughing. 

There’s this bright, heart-stopping smile spread across your lips as you look up at Yeosang and listen to your family dance on the beach. Your shoulders shake softly with the movement of your laughter, and Yeosang can feel the vibrations of your chest pressed against his leg. It starts as a muffled giggle, barely concealed by your smile, but it deepens into a hearty laugh from deep in your belly. 

He cannot tear his eyes from you. 

You laugh. 

You laugh and you look up at him with stars in your eyes and his heart in your hands, and it takes every fiber of his strength not to lean forward and drown himself in the taste of your lips. It’s all he wants – all he needs, he swears it. One taste of your lips would sate him for life, even though he knows he’d never be able to tear himself away again. 

When you lean upwards, grabbing ahold of his fingers and pulling them towards you, Yeosang’s mouth parts to suck in a breath. 

You kiss his fingers. 

By the Gods, maybe that was a lie. One kiss would never be enough to sate him – there would never be enough of your touch or your kisses that could ever appease his soul. Even if he were immortal and your paths intertwined until the last of the stars burned from the sky, not even then would he have enough of you. 

You laugh again, grinning up at Yeosang with a toothy smile and the corner of your mouth digging into your mask. If he wasn’t already sitting, he swears he would drop to his knees at your side. 

He loves it – the sounds of your laughter. No matter how raw or croaked the sound is, he adores it. The sound of your voice once made his heart race with glee, but this… This is different. 

It’s so much more. 

This is joy. Unbridled and unashamed and so clearly you. It’s your laughter, your glee, your happiness that sinks beneath his sin and lights his nerves on fire. It’s your smile and your giggles that make his heart swell. Yeosang adores it. He adores you. 

He cannot help the way he slides off the driftwood log and into the sand at your side. Yeosang is pulling you into his chest before you can question his actions. He wraps an arm around your shoulders and pulls your head into his neck, pressing you as tight to his chest as he possibly can. 

“You’re laughing…” he whispers as he huffs in disbelief. “Bug! You’re laughing!” 

The second time Yeosang utters the phrase, it’s shouted cheerfully as he squeezes you tight into his chest. His heart thumps brazenly beneath his ribs, and he can feel the pulse of yours against his own. You giggle again, wiggling to readjust yourself as you sink into the honey of his embrace. Yeosang’s heart trills excitedly again. 

Yunho’s head darts upwards from the beach, startled by Yeosang’s call. 

“What?” 

San hears Yunho’s whispered disbelief and stands from the surf, attention drawn over towards you and Yeosang. “What did he just say?” 

“It’s Bug,” Hongjoong answers, standing behind Yunho with his eyes blown wide. His heart stutters once in his chest as he takes in the sight of your shoulders shaking gently with your giggles. He can’t hear the sound of them, but Gods does he wish he could. “Bug’s laughing.” 

“Holy shit…” 

Yunho takes off from the beach without another word. He doesn’t even hear who curses.

Sand kicks up from his feet as he sprints towards you and Yeosang with his heart in his throat and a watery grin on his lips. He doesn’t even need to turn around to know that San is the one on his heels. Yunho knows the sound of San’s muffled sobs just as well as he knows the beat of his heart. Wooyoung is not far behind, a bubble of laughter leaving his lips and a chain missing from his wrist. Nothing binds him to that place anymore. You set him free. 

Hongjoong and Mingi chase after the others, and the Captain manages to get some revenge for the day before as he shoves his guard into the surf on the way. Hongjoong’s mirthful chuckles as Mingi shouts are heard when Jongho pulls Seonghwa behind him, urging the archer to move faster. 

“Bug!” 

Your head pulls from Yeosang’s neck, that toothy grin still on your face just as Yunho collides with you and the honey-haired healer. The two of you sway as Yunho’s weight sinks into your figures, but Yeosang sets an arm down into the sand to support you. The black and white strands of San and Wooyoung’s hair drip with salt water as they throw themselves onto Yunho’s lap with a shout. Mingi follows just after, likely having passed Hongjoong on the beach with the length of his strides. He shakes his wet hair as he clings onto Yunho’s back and Wooyoung complains despite the fact that he’s already soaking wet. The giggly sound of Mingi’s laughter makes you chuckle again.

You laugh, as if it’s as easy as breathing. 

Yeosang watches, his eyes welling with happy tears as he continues to cling onto you with one hand. He watches you giggle and the others pile into your space and listens to his new favorite sound. 

Gods, he adores you. He adores them – this family. 

Yunho is crying, his lip wobbling as he buries his head into your hair. He’s at your back, chest shaking with the sound of his watery sobs. 

“Tiny…” he cries, but it’s a happy weep. You reach around to cling onto one of his hands. Yunho squeezes you tight, stealing the air right from your lungs, but you don’t need it. You would happily breathe in the pure euphoria of this moment instead. “Tiny, you’re laughing.” 

San buries his wet hair into your lap with a joyful sound and the giggles commence again. The healer’s heart throbs so strongly but so pleasantly he thinks it will burst. You have a laugh that makes others laugh with you. Just like Wooyoung, he realizes. 

Your other hand drops from Yeosang’s back to brush through San’s hair once and the healer looks up at you with glimmering half-moon eyes and a dimple poking out of his cheek. You allow your finger to poke the sweet little spot this time. His cheek muscles ache from how big his smile is. San nuzzles closer to your stomach and you let yourself shiver pleasantly, far too happy to deny yourself the joy of this moment. 

You’re pretty, San thinks to himself. So pretty. Especially when you laugh. 

Wooyoung melts into Hongjoong’s side and the Captain wraps an arm around his shoulder. They stand just behind Yunho, burying their happy tears into each other as Seonghwa pulls them close. Mingi and Jongho sink into the sand behind Yunho and pull each other tight. The taller guard squeezes his eyes shut and presses his lips into Jongho’s forehead, desperately hoping all his adoration is conveyed through the kiss. Jongho reaches out to squeeze Yunho’s shoulder and rests his weight against his elder’s back. 

“I know,” you finally whisper into the space that separates you and Yunho. “I’m happy.” 

One hand lifts to pull the mask away from your face. Without a moment’s hesitation, your nimble fingers detangle the knot from behind you, and you drop the obsidian mask into the sand. A hand wraps around your fingers when you finally let it go. Someone draws a line along the length of your left ring finger and twines their fingers with your own. They squeeze three times. 

You repeat the gesture, tracing a finger down the fourth finger on their left hand, right over the thin, dark band you know is tattooed there. You squeeze their hand three times. This sign needs no translation. 

You open both eyes. 

“I’m so happy.” 

bonus:

stranger: so who would you choose; ateez or–

reader: ateez.

stranger: you didn't even let me finish, ateez or–

reader, not missing a beat: ateez. I choose ateez.

a/n: This currently takes place sometime after the main storyline (probably xD) so it accounts for the boys knowing parts of Bug’s past (not revealed but it’s mentioned they know). For now, I won't consider these oneshots canon simply because I won’t know where it fits in the timeline HAHA xD this is essentially just a little bit of fluffy comfort for those who have been missing Bug and the boys! I’m catching up on their story but I hope you enjoy this filler for now <33 ALSO disclaimer, don’t pick stuff out of tide pools! my marine biologist family is screaming at me for including that xD just leave the creatures alone in their habitats!

sorry if bug seems a little ooc here! Loren and I have decided that bug goes from black cat energy to golden retriever after enough time with atz :’))) This is supposed to take place sometime in the future where she’s healed a little more and is a little more curious and open. There are a lot of references to things that have yet to happen in ltm so this is kind of a teaser for those xD 

also shoutout to the loml @eightmakesonebraincell for the majority of the ideas in this :D she's a real one xD

taglist: *If you don't see your name on this taglist, you may have been removed if your tag doesn't work :( let me know if you don't see your name and I'll try to see what we can do to fix it :D

@verseoks @smallfrye @istgcyj @rensunjun @flowrsforfun @justchaoticwhispers @gayliljoong @http-lovelyknow @kpopnightingale @rielleluvs @queentiti72 @paralumanniluna @chittaphonstar @dear-dreamie @bangtanxberm @havetaeminforbreakfast @knucklesdeepmingi @pingyu-in-wonderland @5sos-wdw @atzcoke @ddeonghwva @sophxom @khjcoo @sunukissed @becauseiloveyunho @atinymonbebestay @goldenstarmermaid @simplyaghostsworld @multifandomizer @yeosangs-left-ass-cheek @revehosh @mysticfire0435 @side-angel @taestrwbrry @billboard-singer @jenseok17 @parkthothwa8 @jcngh0-hq @dream-in-progress @dees-writing-corner @frankenstein852 @darkdayelixer @ateezkeepmysoul @maruskz @ahhhhhhhhhghh @honeyhotteoks @simeonswhore @jxxngieteez

[atzjuyeon]

JUYEON & HER BOYS .ᐟ

SEONGHWA ⚡︎ HWASEONG

juhwa

their relationship is very much built on comfort. over the years, seonghwa has become a safe space for juyeon and that’s specifically based on how he treats her when she’s experiencing an episode. he doesn’t try to force her to talk about what’s wrong or ask her if she’s okay. he just sits with her and lets her exist. sometimes, he’ll talk while juyeon listens and sometimes they’ll just sit in silence. he knows how to navigate her and she appreciates that.

on a more lighthearted note, she stresses him out. anytime something happens that he should be even slightly worried about, he’s looking at juyeon first because nine times out of ten, it’s her doing. juyeon doesn’t listen to hongjoong so when it comes to scolding or trying to calm her down, it’s seonghwa on the job usually bribing her with something so she’ll relax.

HONGJOONG ⚡︎ JOONG

hongju

hongjoong has always had confidence in juyeon. it’s the reason why she’s even in the group. but when she officially joined and began to practice with them, things went slightly south. their different perspectives made them clash a lot. juyeon would call hongjoong too bossy and hongjoong would tell her that her work ethic was poor. this was before anyone really knew about juyeon’s poor mental state so there was a huge lack of understanding between the both of them. it wasn’t completely bad blood but there were a lot of frustrating moments. after talking and learning more about juyeon on a personal level, hongjoong laid off a bit. he took the time to understand her and now their disagreements aren’t as serious as they used to be.

hongjoong is juyeon’s favorite target when it comes to pranks because to her, he has the best reactions. he gets scared shitless and then scolds her like a dad. she thinks it’s hilarious. sometimes, he’ll let her childish energy slide simply just to see her happy.

YUNHO ⚡︎ YUN

yunju

yunho reminds juyeon of her older brother if they had a good relationship. out of all of the members, yunho and juyeon definitely have that brother/sister energy the most. they’ll play fight and play video games together, screaming at each other through voice chat while being in the same house (poor yeosang 😭).

he’s actually very protective of juyeon, despite her being older. he tries to encourage her to take care of herself by engaging with her. if he goes to the gym, he’ll ask if she wants to tag along. if he’s eating something that’s even a little healthy, he’ll give her some with even asking. he’s like her bodyguard in public (even though she swears she doesn’t need one). he insist on making sure she’s okay.

YEOSANG ⚡︎ SANG-AH

jusang

it took a while for juyeon and yeosang to become close. at first, juyeon thought he was kind of boring. he didn’t talk to her much and kept quiet whenever she was around. honestly she thought he didn’t like her. really, yeosang was just intimidated by her. juyeon is loud and boisterous and comes off as rude or aggressive sometimes. she made him nervous in a way that he didn’t want to accidentally set her off. after learning this, she tried to tone it down a bit around yeosang until he was comfortable enough with her.

in a way, juyeon is protective of yeosang. he’s known to be on the quieter side and juyeon takes the initiative to try to get him out of his shell. you know those moments where yeosang’ll want to get someone’s attention but just doesn’t say anything and stands there until someone notices? juyeon’s the one yelling to that person from the across the room. she always makes sure he has an opportunity to speak during interviews and tells him “don’t suffer in silence.” she just might be the leader of the yeosang protection squad.

SAN ⚡︎ SANRIO

jusan

san was someone who caught juyeon off guard when they first met. he was so polite and spoke so formerly, it almost freaked her out. even after she told the members to speak comfortably it took san a bit longer to adjust. she wasn’t used to the kindness san showed her and for a minute, she thought he had ulterior motives. it took a long awaited conversation to clear up any misunderstandings between the two before they became close but they got there.

juyeon considers san one of her biggest supporters, always cheering her on and going with her to solo schedules when he can. many people argue that san brings out the kindness in juyeon. she’s a lot nicer to him and when he’s around. san is known for being very kind and gentleman-like and that definitely rubs off on her. she doesn’t want to do anything that'll seriously hurt him so she stays far away from him when she’s upset. the only thing he isn’t safe from is juyeon stealing his food, because she will take his cake like seonghwa did.

MINGI ⚡︎ MINI

minju

if someone were to ask juyeon who is she closest to in ateez, she would say mingi. to juyeon, mingi is like a giant puppy. she doesn’t like to admit it, but she has a soft spot for him. sometimes she’ll do small gestures for him like buying him snacks or getting him a cup of coffee while she’s at a nearby cafe. she tries to act like it’s nothing whenever he tries to thank her for it. mingi tends to follow juyeon, either hanging out in her room or going with her whenever she has to run errands. he likes being in her presence.

they bond over their similar styles and music taste. they send each other music the other might like and go on shopping trips. they also spend a lot of studio time together and it could either go one of two ways: they make the dumbest, most chaotic song you could think of, or the greatest thing you’ve ever heard.

there’s a mutual understanding for each other when it comes to their mental health struggles. juyeon doesn’t talk about it much but she’ll sit and listen to mingi whenever he needs. in regular conversation, nothing goes without a funny comment or remark from juyeon. but in these situations, she shuts up and listens, allowing he to say whatever is on his mind without any judgement.

WOOYOUNG ⚡︎ YOUNG-AH

wooju ; partners in crime

loud ass mfs, keep these two AWAY from each other. the smallest things will set these two into a fit of laughter for ten minutes which leaves everyone else confused. nobody is safe when these two are together; you get nothing but chaos and bickering. they’re either partners in crime or each other’s worst enemy in games and challenges. juyeon and wooyoung are definitely the type to have random ass conversations in the middle of the night.

“what if fish had legs?”

“are you sure you’re not on drugs?”

JONGHO ⚡︎ JJONGIE

juho ; menace number 1 & menace number 2

juyeon and jongho have a very casual friendship. some would call them strictly coworkers or “not close” but that’s a bit of an exaggeration. they aren’t strictly coworkers but they aren’t super close either. they actually know very little about each other on a personal level. obviously, they know basic facts but in a who knows who better? contest, they’d both lose.

they definitely have chaotic potential though. they’re usually the ones who find funny tiktok videos to recreate or come up with inside jokes. she really treats him like the younger brother she never had. they tease and set each other up for embarrassing moments but it’s all in good fun.

[pandorasword]

Chaeri as the 8th and youngest member of BTS.

CHAERI'S MASTERLIST

Check CHAERI'S LOVE LIFE'S TIMELINE to discover when this event takes place

Web article

August, 2023

Anyone who loves and follow KPOP, which has become a global phenomenon, cannot ignore the increasingly persistent rumors about a possible breakup between Chaeri, the only female member of BTS, and Hongjoong, the leader of ATEEZ. The two, long considered one of the most iconic couples in the music industry, seem to have taken separate paths: no more sightings together, absence of interactions on social media, and now a new very personal song by Hongjoong that has raised many suspicions.

Signs of a possible crisis are not lacking. Recently, Chaeri ended her contract as the choreographer of ATEEZ, a role in which she was considered the creative mind behind many of their breathtaking choreographies. A choice that many interpret as a signal of the young artist's desire to distance herself not only professionally but also personally. Even though Chaeri explained in a recent live broadcast that the collaboration with ATEEZ was always intended to be temporary and that she now wishes to focus on new projects with girl groups, fans remain puzzled and find it hard to fully believe her. The timing of the contract's end and the alleged distancing between her and Hongjoong appears to many as too strong a signal to be ignored.

As if that were not enough, Hongjoong has released a new song that seems to be an open confession, and perhaps an implicit accusation. The lyrics of the song, titled “Why Do You Love?”, enigmatically address someone who seems to have “replaced” or “forgotten” him. With intense phrases like “You can’t be with anyone else, only me” fans are hypothesizing that the ATEEZ leader is expressing his pain over the possible end of his relationship with Chaeri.

In the most dramatic lines of the song, Hongjoong sings: “You said you couldn’t imagine yourself with anyone else but me… I hope this is just a misunderstanding.” Words that leave no doubt about the artist's suffering and confusion, as if he is struggling to accept the reality of a lost love that he perhaps believed was to last.

Fans on social media have been very active about the matter, with many wondering if there really is another love in Chaeri's life, if the song is a desperate call from Hongjoong to win her back, or if the two things are not related at all.

For now, neither of them has made any official statements. The uncertainty about the truth behind these signals is splitting the fandom: some hope for a return to the spotlight for the couple, others ardently wish that their relationship is really over.

If confirmed, the end of Chaeri and Hongjoong's relationship would leave a bitter taste in the mouths of many fans, who considered them to be THE couple of K-pop, among the first to expose themselves so much and so naturally to the public. Are these just rumors or are they really going through a difficult time? While awaiting an answer, we advise fans, for those who haven't already done so, to listen to “Why Do You Love?” by Hongjoong.

Not only could the song offer some more clues about his emotions, but it is also an incredibly well-produced track. The song has already won the hearts of many listeners for the artistic skill with which Hongjoong has voiced his (alleged) feelings.

Twitter / X after the article:

💭 If Chaeri really started a relationship with someone else, I am sorry for Hongjoong. He doesn't deserve this

💭 Chaeri always seems too focused on herself, and now Hongjoong loses out. It's a shame

💭 Hongjoong, atinys are here to support you, whatever is going on. No one should see you like this.

💭 I hope Hongjoong is not hurting too much, honestly don't know what he found in her. I hope he finds someone who really appreciates him!

💭 I've listened to 'Why Do You Love?' a thousand times, and there are details that suggest it's really dedicated to her…

💭 Ok, maybe Hongjoong is really suffering and has dedicated an entire song to her, but am I the only one annoyed by this? I mean, it's already enough to have had their relationship thrown in our faces all this time, and now we fans are also forced to listen to music written for her?

💭 No matter what happens in his personal life, Hongjoong is an extraordinary artist and his music is always powerful.

💭 He so beautiful even without makeup and completely au naturel, if Chaeri doesn't want him I will volunteer very gladly.

💭 I don't understand all the hate for Chaeri. Being a female idol is hard enough; criticizing her for something we don't know is unfair

💭 They are human, and couples break up all the time on a daily basis. If they did, I don't understand why we should care so much about it. It's their own business

💭 Leave Chaeri alone.

💭 As a BTS fan for years, I knew that the relationship with him for Chaeri would only be a problem. He clearly never lived up to her standards and if she realized this now, all the better!!!

💭 This song makes me realize more and more that I am probably a child of divorce 🥺 Chaejoong, you were THE couple.

Last conversation on Chaeri's phone

**I know that Hongjoong's song was released this August, but for storyline reasons, I indicated the release date as August 2023

taglist: @alixnsuperstxr | @bts-dream | @enchantingbrowneyedgirl | @ycuvi | @cosmicwintr

[hwalyn]

director’s cut ➛ updated profiles

masterlist | one

A/N so since it’s been so long since I made the form for the masterlist I might just ask y’all if you want to be on the taglist ! comment or send in and ask !!🫶 also I changed their users to their insta users like 3 or 4 chapters in but just pretend they’ve always been those 🤭🤭

SYNOPSIS! katie was always the top of her class, her projects and assignments were the ones teachers used as examples in class, and she never, ever got a failing grade. so why is her professor now telling her that a soundtrack is going to make or break her grade? and why does the person helping her have to be one of the members of the group she’s listed as her personal enemies? can this final be turned in safely?

[kiwiraccoon]

Numb, Emptiness IV

Ateez OT8 x OC

Summary: after witnessing the death of her family, her uncle sends her back to South Korea to live with the eight guys he had saved over the years. They seem to be almost, if not just, as mentally messed up as she is, and the goal is for her to help them and them to help her. Time heals, but it’s already been 11 years of suffering for her, can they really help?

overall notes: MDNI mental health: depression, anxiety, ocd, antisocial, agoraphobia, personality disorders, mental breakdowns. mentions and descriptions of gruesome deaths, gore. polygamy, shared female, suggestive, fluff, smut?, building relationships. THIS IS NOT MEANT FOR THE WEAK HEARTED OR UNDERAGE!! this not meant to depict real Ateez but an au, not about their real selves or real struggles, I took ideas from their real selves but again not meant to be negative towards them or anything against their image… THIS IS JUST MY MORBID MIND RUNNING WILD!

Word count: 1576 (I’m sorry it’s short)

The feeling of someone reaching for my headphones drags me out of my mind space causing me to instantly grab their wrist in a tight grasp leaving my knuckles white. I look up and meet the stern eyes of my uncle telling me to let him go and allow him to speak to me. Hesitantly I let go of his wrist and allowed him to stop my music and pull my attention onto him, still doing my best to ignore anyone else who might be in the room. “Next time, and I hope there won’t be, don’t lock your door like that.” He leaves no time for me to respond, making sure I know it’s not a request but an order while putting the headphones back in my ear. I keep my eyes down as I hop down from the island countertop and make my way back to my room ready to clean up my mess.

The second I walk into my room I’m hit with the smell of cleaning products still lingering in the air and no reminder of what happened not too long ago. I don’t have to relive my breakdown by picking up the broken pieces of my mind in the form of a mirror. I don’t know who did it, but what I do know is when I find out I will do everything I can to thank them. They saved my mind from another breakdown, one that would be much smaller but still there. I take a moment to walk into my bathroom and make sure all of the mess is gone, a mirror no longer hangs on the wall. In its place a note sticks with some clear tape.

You deserve all the good things in life. You deserve to feel. You deserve to express yourself. You deserve to be cared for. You deserve to be loved.

No name is written to let me know who left me the affirmations, and I’m grateful for the lack of one. It allows me to say the words myself without hearing someone else’s voice. I can remind myself that I am deserving. I speak the words under my breath a few times until a small smile pulls at my lips. The smile reminds me that I do have control again, my life is mine, and my emotions are mine. I turn back to my room and finally look around, multiple times. It’s then I notice something on my made bed, a little stuffed animal with a note sitting on its head.

Next time you feel alone with your thoughts, hug him tight. His name is Shiber. -San

This handwriting is different from the other note telling me that the person who wrote the affirmations isn’t San. I stare at the little dog while trying to process the information. Someone I hadn’t spoken to once has gone out of their way to give me a piece of comfort through their stuffed animal. Another smile tugs at my lips as I pull Shiber up from my bed and into my arms to hug him tight just like San said. I had to admit the comfort I gained from the interaction was something I never felt before. I felt cared for, seen, and understood just by one small gesture. 

“Thank you.” I whisper into the stuffed animal as I hug him tighter while falling back into my bed to enjoy the moment of peace and clarity. Music still floods through my mind but the extra comfort helps to make the moment feel less like a distraction and more like an outstretched hand for me to hold on to.

I don’t know how long I laid there hugging Shiber, but I do know it was long enough for someone to come knocking on my door loud enough to break through my music. I stand up holding the stuffed animal in my arms to open the door while removing my headphones from my ears. “Yes?” I ask when I open the door to see who knocked. I can’t tell if my face has returned to its bored expression or if it has changed but when I meet the eyes of Mingi he pulls me into a bone crushing hug. “What’s wrong bub?”

He hugs me tighter to his body making sure I don’t slip away from him. “I was so scared, when I heard your screams. I couldn’t get in to check on you. God I was so scared.” He confesses into my shoulder letting tears slip from his eyes onto the thin fabric of my long sleeve shirt.

I pull away from the hug to tug him into my room and close the door to give our conversation some privacy. He looks at me in confusion while tears roll down his face. I just try to make a small smile form on my face while I pull him to my bed so we can sit together in a comfortable place. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You’re smiling.” He notes letting me know that my emotions are showing.

I smile a little bit more at the fact I can show some emotion. “I broke free.” I look around my room remembering a cute little plushie that is no longer in my arms. I see Shiber on the ground and quickly pick him up to return him into my hold for comfort once again. 

“Is that what happened?” He asks, smiling through the tears.

“Uh yea. At first, all the negative thoughts were winning until I had enough. I had nothing to hide from anymore. No one was actively hurting me anymore.” I admit hugging Shiber tighter while burying my face into the soft pillow. 

Mingi moves to wrap his long arms around me letting me still hold on to Shiber while he also comforts me in the vulnerable moment. “I’m proud of you. You went through a lot and you managed to come out stronger than anyone I’ve ever known. I hope you know I’ll always be here even when you’re annoyingly happy all the time. Which is the goal.”

“What goal?” I ask pulling out of the hug again to meet his eyes.

“My life goal is to make you happy, I never cared if you showed it but I just wanted you to be happy truly. And that’s why I was so scared when I heard you breaking down. Your screams sent my body into fight mode, I wanted to break down your door so badly. I was ready to tackle anyone who got in my way.” The way his eyes shine with sincerity makes tears form in my eyes. I have never felt so loved and cared for before by anyone other than my uncle. Mingi unknowingly became one of the most important people in my life just by being here.

I pull Mingi into a hug without Shiber between us, my arms wrap tightly around his shoulders as his go around my waist. We keep close for a while just enjoying the moment together to know we are both okay and we are both happy.

“Kai di- oh sorry.” Wooyoung quickly pulls away from peeking in the door and slightly closes it leaving a slight crack. 

“Yes Wooyoung?” I simply ask not feeling any negativity due to his presence.

He pops his head back in through the door with a sorry smile on his face, “I was just wondering if you still wanted to eat some pizza?”

I let out a small chuckle and I watch as Wooyoungs face goes from embarrassed to surprised quickly and before I know it he is tackling me onto my bed in a bear hug. He laughs in the hug ignoring Mingi scolding him for invading my personal space. “You just laughed!” He leans up on his arms hovering above me with a stupid big smile on his face. He is in disbelief at what he just heard and what he sees. Me smiling and laughing at his face and I can’t help but life my hand up and poke his prominent cheeks.

“I did.” We chuckle together and he slaps my hand away in a joking way before pulling me back into a strong hug. “You’re crushing me Woo.”

“Woo!? You just called me Woo!” He freaks out again now completely sitting up above me looking at me as if I just committed arson on his favorite clothing item. I nod and smile as much as I can, which is only a little bit. “WAIT! You… you’re smiling and laughing!!!” He yells absolutely losing his mind.

“Quiet down!” Mingi hisses at his younger friend, he knows everyone has now heard. And telling by the loud footsteps coming up the stairs they are all coming to see what all the fuss is.

Wooyoung looks apologetic and starts to say his apologies until he is interrupted by the rest of my housemates running. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“What happened?”

“Is Kai okay?”

“Why are you yelling?”

“What’s going on?”

So many questions asked, causing me to laugh at the chaos ensuing in my small room. This shuts everyone up as they all look at me in confusion. No one says anything just listens to me laughing uncontrollably, they all looked to worried when they walked in and now they hold nothing but confusion on their faces.

“Is she laughing?” I hear Jongho whisper to Yunho standing beside him.