#smiles politely and normally

[gerardway-is-my-babygirl]

Renfield Anniversary Week, day 3: Favourite Scene

I struggled a bit with deciding what to do for this prompt, since I love the glowup montage so much and what It represents, but I also have so many thoughts and feelings about the apartment scene and the gym scene.

Heres a little drabble about the last 2, since I can't pick between them.

Renfield had walked out of the apartment -- his apartment -- that morning with a new purpose, a new reason to live. He had repainted and redecorated It, repairing and undoing the damage done to himself In the process, finally freeing himself from the filth and darkness that Dracula had buried him In, finally living again. The bright walls and ugly furniture are the complete opposite of what Dracula likes, and so Renfield likes them. His apartment defies everything Dracula Is and opposes everything he had tried to surround Renfield with, a sensory overload to the vampire, while a home to Renfield. He finally had a home.

Then he walked back Into his apartment that evening with everything he had worked for ripped away from him In an Instant. His hopes and dreams, his purpose, his life, they were all torn to shreds right In front of him by the same creature who had done the same all those decades ago, back when he was In the asylum. The world around him was drained of colour, tarnished by the vampire Invading the only space he finally felt happy, destroying everything Renfield had put together with his own hands. He should have known better, he should have known not to bother trying to live again, but the Idea of It sounded so wonderful that he couldn't resist the apple handed to him, never considering the consequences and only savouring the taste.

That taste of freedom was the best thing he had felt In decades, and It had rotted In his mouth the second he saw the monster In his home. He had tried so hard to defuse the situation and calm Dracula, but he was only burned when he got too close, berated for his acts of heroism, punished for his betrayal and disobedience, mocked for his weakness to Dracula's temptation. The blame was thrown onto him as always, draining every ounce of confidence he had built up over the past day In an attempt to stand up to the vampire, leaving him weak and silent. He tried so hard to follow the advice Mark gave him, tried to fight back, tried to look to the book for guidance, but In the end he was shoved Into the corner once more and forced to cower before his God.

The apartment Isn't his anymore. It's crowded with cruel laughter and yelling that fills the air. The shadows hide the monster who he had tried to escape. Every single area Dracula touched Is ruined, forever marked with Invisible bootprints that force him back Into the corner. The Imaginary stains can't be scrubbed away, no matter how many times Renfield will try to claw at the rug with as many cleaning sprays as he can find. His life Is always going to be haunted by Dracula. His home Is Dracula's now, everything Is.

He raced to the gym to try and save the others from his destruction, to somehow protect them from being ripped from their lives by a monster who was never supposed to be there In the first place. None of them listened. None of them let him save them. Did he even try to save them at all?

He begged for Dracula to spare them, but all he did was watch when the Inevitable happened. He watched.

They all fell Into Dracula's trap, unable to move or run further than a few feet as Renfield was tossed to the side like a broken toy. At that moment he knew he was no longer necessary, and how nothing he can do will stop the vampire from Inflicting pain on anyone Renfield tries to seek help from. Dracula can't let him have anything but him, knowing that even when he destroys whatever Renfield tried to put his effort Into, that he'll still come crawling back to him.

Dracula's display of power and his unnecessary slaughtering of everyone Is nothing but a game to him, amusing him temporarily In his Immortal life as he mercilessly rips at the people Renfield finally opened up to. He thought he was a hero, but he's a monster just like Dracula, a part of his twisted game, fighting on his side no matter what he does. He can't look away from the destruction, with everyone screaming as claws and fangs tear them to bloody pieces, but he couldn't prevent It even If he tried.

He couldn't prevent Mark from bleeding out, staining his useless hands with his blood but doing nothing to stop It. He was made to destroy lives, not save them.

Mark stared Into his eyes In his final agonising moments of life, and Renfield could see his realisation that he was a murderer. It doesn't matter how hard he tries to be a hero, he can't stop killing people. It's In his nature.

He started that day truly believing that he would never spill a drop of blood again, but ended It with his hands stained red.

Even his jumper, the thing that he had worn with pride as he began to rediscover himself, was ruined. Dracula had complimented It when he entered the apartment, praising Renfield for his pathetic attempt at defying him. He had even touched It, marking the fabric with bloody hands and destroying the last shred of hope Renfield had left as Mark died In his arms.

The jumper was supposed to be a fresh start, a chance for him to redeem himself and live again, to be a person and be free. He's literally letting colour and light back Into his life again after being trapped In the darkness for so long and Dracula Is just dragging him down Into the shadows again. Whatever Renfield does, he always ends up back In the darkness, caged In by Dracula's claws and held on an Invisible leash by his rare moments of kindness.

Everything Is ruined.

[flowery-laser-blasts]

Fill my heart with song and let me sing for ever more...

I've finished the third season of Kimi ni Todoke recently (near and dear to my heart since highschool) and I fell in love with how soft and dreamy aquariums dates look. They're going out for dinner afterwards 🤭💖

[spaciebabie]

see i absolutely despise jimmy (and curly) as a character(s) but as a literary freak i can appreciate the way hes used as a story device with his relationship to curly. i could type this more eloquently but currently ive had a glass of champagne and i havent drank in like 6 months so my tolerance is low so forgive my writing but. jimmy cannibalizing curly. yeah.

theres multiple messages here, theres the message that jimmy is doing what curly (assumedly) did to get into his position and, employing another metaphor, taking the "dog eat dog world" saying to heart. and literally. devouring his competition. or maybe curly didnt do that. and thats what jimmy thinks curly did and so he aims to do the same. choose whichever one you like more they're both interesting storywise.

theres the message where jimmy "consumes" curly in some twisted expression of love. devouring curly so that he remains a part of him, an expression that he is the gold star captain and something to aspire to. admiration for something he'll never be and so he chooses to consume him in order to potentially absorb some of his skill or become more like him.

and then there is curly sitting there helplessly being devoured. its something he has no say in, not something that he chose to happen to him, its something hes become swept up in. he becomes devoured by jimmy in the literal sense of cannibalism, but also in the sense that he became so absorbed in his friendship w/jimmy he ignored his wrongdoings and ultimately led to anya's assault as well as the death of the whole crew.

curly and jimmy intertwined so that one is always consumed by the other. curly in a literal sense, jimmy in a more psychological one. i mean like its really quite crazy they did the "im consumed with thoughts about this guy and want to be him so i must literally consume him" thing quite well. when examining mouthwashing's narrative you find new things to admire every time. each little story element has a place in creating a wonderfully complex and heartbreaking story. its very well done and honestly something to aspire to from the perspective of someone who enjoys studying/writing literature.

all of this is to say i think that there should be more art of jimmy covered in blood and engaging in this cannibalism like the stupid little leech he is

[ridl]

how to start a day at the Yujing Terrace

[ratatatastic]

CRYING SCREAMING THROWING UP. THE FLANNEL. THE COMFY FLANNEL. WHAT A POLITE CAT WHAT A POLITE LITTLE CAT.

Ravintola Hook | 7.16.24 (x)

[the-jam-to-the-unicorn]

Ze during the Railway Workers' Day event

[lemonynuggets]

Gonna spend today and tomorrow reading the osnf book I’m so excited (<- holding a sign saying “talk to me about ordem paranormal”)

[haichengtual]

one of my favourite activities is going to the bookstore and people-watching because everyone is gorgeous

[theyellowotter]

I don't want to be at work today.

[newathens]

my relationship with my body has never been lower. which is very sick because I’ve never been more active

[mithridacy]

one would imagine that a 5 foot 2 inch person with height dysphoria would like to be taller.

[megaclubdiolis]

柄本 佑 || 「光る君へ」 (2024) · 第十七回 「うつろい」 ​​​

[godfistgonnalive]

if anyone out there has any gabv1el "modern" (modern as in . like. no hell i guess) au fics theyd like to reccomened. PLEASE SEND ME THEM PLEASE plesae the modern gabv1el cocaine i need it please

[robinsnest2111]

anyway, highlight of yesterday's shift: tiny kiddos (ages 3-5?) coming in over the course of the afternoon, seeing the batman statue at the end of the corridor, and going "LOOK!!! SUPERMAN!!! :O" and/or "THERE'S SPIDERMAN!!! :O" in their tiny awed voices. and their older siblings (6-8?) correcting them in equally tiny but exasperated voices :'3

those moments really make my day at work ngl always gotta try and keep in the joyous grins when overhearing these little moments haha

[floorpancakes]

posting this cursed thought while im tired so i cant take it back later

[kickbutts-singsongs]

HOLY CRAP MY PARENTS USED TO GET SO MAD AT ME WHEN I DID THE UP-DOWN EYE THING AS A PRE-TEEN AND I DIDNT KNOW WHY CUZ IN MY HEAD I WAS DOING IT OUT OF EXASPERATION NOT ANNOYANCE AND I WAS SO CONFUSED WHEN THEY SAID ���DID YOU JUST ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME??!!”

CUZ NO?????? I DIDNT??? MY EYES CLEARLY JUST WENT UP AND BACK DOWN AGAIN??? I SAVE MY PROPER EYE-ROLL FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS AND JOKES???

but now i know. i was, in fact, rolling my eyes.

ugh why did I have to take things so literally as a child