#I love sexy librarian types

[silkentine]

These aren’t particularly genderbends—more like genderswaps—because it’s pretty much their canon designs, just femme LOL

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

James Stewart (It's a Wonderful Life, The Philadelphia Story, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington)—the thing about Jimmy Stewart is that for a weird-enough looking guy, he is yet somehow SO hot and SO believable, ALWAYS. He always plays the same person—he's always, well, Jimmy Stewart—yet that person can be a murderer, a dark cynic, a naive idealist, the boy next door or an old man who knows better, and every one of those is hot. I would jump his bones in a heartbeat

Toshiro Mifune (Rashumon, Seven Samurai, Grand Prix, Stray Dog)—i love and respect my boi tab hunter (rest in peace you beautiful, beautiful man ❤️), but after i watched like 12 of his movies in a row on tcm last year, i ALSO love and respect toshiro mifune, son of a literal actual hatamoto’s (a high-ranking samurai) daughter, also very possibly related to the best judokan EVER, AND, he’s the guy who SHOULD have been obi-wan kenobi. the fact that he’s ALSO hot as hell just adds to his appeal.

This is round 4 of the bracket. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage man.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

James Stewart propaganda:

"Ough I saw him first in It's A Wonderful Life, where he is very charming as a suicidal family man being absolutely crushed by capitalism. But then. The Philadelphia Story, in my opinion, should get the same kind of press The Mummy does for being a bisexual dream. Now I'm not really bi (not into women) and it's honestly up for debate whether i'm attracted to men or not, but COME ON!! The movie stars James Stewart as well as Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn (and Ruth Hussey). Stewart plays a common working man, a journalist, to contrast with Grant's character, who is mega-rich. He is scrappy and hates rich people. Hot! They have a whole scene together where he's super drunk and being really physical with his acting, which I love because he is kinda wet noodle shaped. Hot! He carries Hepburn in his arms while singing Somewhere Over The Rainbow. Hot! He gets punched in the face by Cary Grant. Hot!!! In The Man Who Shot Liberty Valence, we get to see him portray an alternative type of masculinity, opposite John Wayne doing John Wayne. He is even more wet noodle-y, to put emphasis on his incompatibility with the rugged masculinity of the cow-boy, he wears an apron for a lot of the film, again, to blur his masculinity, and he gets shot. Hot! Also he's older here, if that's your thing. Long story short: He's giving librarian chic and The Philadelphia Story made me want to be poly."

“Here he is next to Grant, in what I believe to be a promotional shot for The Philadelphia Story. Please don’t get distracted by Grant (or do, i’m submitting him next).”

“He’s a nice guy and a good guy and deserves all the happiness and joy ever! Classic boy next door/class president kid that everyone loves for real. Stand-up for the Little Guy vibes. With a charming fun side!!”

Toshiro Mifune propaganda:

"In addition, he spoke fluent mandarin and every time he was casted in foreign films, he said his lines in the language of the movie (although they ended up dubbing him. He wasn’t happy about it though).”

Submitted: this gifset

Also submitted: this video (yes, that one)

"Crucial Toshiro Mifune propaganda: THOSE LEGS."

"That is hella muscle. Go watch The Hidden Fortress, aka Star Wars A New Hope. His thighs deserve an award."

[randoimago]

May we have your take on Astarion, Gale, and Halsin falling for/interacting with an SO who is rather self conscious about having to use glasses (maybe they are near sighted or need them only to read?)?

S/O Self Conscious About Glasses

Fandom: Baldur's Gate 3

Character(s): Astarion, Gale, Halsin

Type of Request: Headcanons

Note(s): I would love some glasses or goggle equipment in the game. Idk if there are any in like Act 3 or smth, but getting a steampunk aesthetic (or hot librarian) would be amazing in bg3

Astarion

Oh you poor thing, being self conscious about some lens over your eyes that can be removed. While Astarion lightly taunts you about your insecurities (there are more important things to be insecure about - like a tadpole in your head), he does tell you that your glasses are adorable.

If your insecurity is really that bad and he's really hurt your feelings with his taunts then Astarion does immediately feel bad. He apologizes deeply and would tell you that he used to have glasses too, if that makes you feel better. He was a magistrate and was stuck looking at papers and letters all day most of the time.

As penance for him making you upset, how about he compliments you whenever he sees you with glasses. Astarion is shameless in his compliments too. You might have to ask him to stop before you pass out from the blood rushing to your head.

Gale

You're self conscious of your glasses? But he finds them quite lovely! They give you a bit of an academic look to you. Sexy librarians are rather popular, you know!

Gale also has a pair of reading glasses somewhere that he can put on if you'd like. That way you both can be matching. Cute, non-problematic couples match, right?

With how much of a rarity glasses seem to be, he thinks they make you look unique and charming. Gale could go on and on about how he thinks your glasses look and why they're something to be proud of instead of having self conscious thoughts about. His reassurance just becomes a lecture that you probably end up falling asleep during.

Halsin

The first time Halsin sees the glasses, he has the most adoring look in his eyes as he sees you. He definitely thinks you look very cute with the glasses. He does notice that you don't seem to think the same.

And that's alright. He'll give you compliments and gladly let you know what your appearance with glasses does to him. You thought Astarion is shameless with his compliments? He doesn't even compete with the things Halsin says.

That said, he doesn't want to start making you too uncomfortable or flustered with his compliments. Just know that he does think you look amazing with or without glasses. They won't change a thing about how he feels.

Taglists: @reo-the-leo @unhelpfulnpc

[mattyriddlesbitch]

Mattheo with a s/o who wears glasses but is hot with or without them on

Omg yes! I have glasses too. He'd totally tease you sometimes, taking the glasses and putting them on himself, teasing you for being blind. Def the type to have that sexy librarian or teacher fantasy with the glasses. Like one of the fastest ways to give him a boner is playing into that fantasy. Doesn't matter if it's in public or not. Push your glasses down a little, then lean in and whisper some like "You gotta be a good boy for me or you'll get detention. You wanna be a bad boy and get punished?" Almost cums in his pants from just the thought of what youd do to him.

Without the glasses, I feel like he'll just be complimenting your eyes more since they're not hidden behind lenses. Def will tease you if you have to squint without them. And even if you can't see too well while he's fucking you, he's making you watch him, forcing you to look him in the eyes since he loves seeing your pupils all blown out and focused on him.

[navybrat817]

Far, Far Away

Pairing: Librarian!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader Summary: You take a chance and give Bucky a call. Word Count: Almost 1.7k Warnings: Fluff, flirting, slightly embarrassing moment ( 😂 ), Bucky Barnes (he's a warning, okay?) A/N: Follow up to Once Upon a Time. For you @11thstreetvigilante . ❤️ Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Edit by Nix, divider by the talented @firefly-graphics, and banner by yours truly. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

It would be a week before you saw Bucky again.

You told your friends about the handsome hero who stepped in to defend you on the subway. The man with the steel blue eyes. Your friends responded with a resounding “aww” when you showed them the line of the poem on the back of his card, with the exception of your friend Tina. Raising an eyebrow as she sipped her wine, she asked what the catch was.

"There is no catch," you stated.

"There's always a catch," Tina argued.

Ever the pessimist. Or is she a realist?

"He said I could help volunteer at the library when I asked if I could repay him."

"See? There's the catch. Free labor," she said, triumphantly finishing her glass.

"That's what volunteer work is," you joked, running your thumb along his name before Nicole snatched the card from your hand. "Hey!"

"Hold on. Let's look him up," she said, glancing at the card before she typed on her phone. You took it back and carefully tucked it away when her eyes widened seconds later. "Holy. Shit. Is this him?"

The image of Bucky standing by a bookshelf with a book filled the screen as she held her phone up. Your mouth went dry from the quick glance, so you nodded in reply. That was your hero.

"You met this guy on the subway?" she asked, passing her phone around for everyone to see. You were pretty sure Kim whimpered. "How do I not meet guys like this on the subway?!"

Even Tina looked impressed.

For a moment.

"I still think there's a catch," she said.

"There’s no catch. He could've easily told me to contact the library. He didn't have to give me his card or recite the poem. So this means he wants to see me again. Right?"

You hated how your voice wobbled on the last word. Bucky was a stranger and he may have already forgotten about your encounter. You hoped that wasn't the case.

Why did it matter so much to you?

"I think he wants to see you again, but also wants to leave the ball in your court after you had to deal with a creep," Kim said, giving you an encouraging smile. She knew you were a bit lonely, even if you wouldn't admit it. "You should call him and set up a time to volunteer."

“I could email him,” you pointed out.

“Not as personal,” Nicole dismissed with her hand. “Plus you get to hear his voice this way.”

Tina's gaze softened when you toyed with the glass in front of you. You knew that she, like your other friends, wanted you to be happy. "Give it a day then call him. If anything, maybe he'll dick you down the way you need."

“Yes, for the love of everything holy, you haven’t been laid in months. Do it for us,” Nicole added, making you laugh.

You took their advice and waited a day.

Thankfully no one was around to see you pace across the floor when you called. What was it about talking on the phone that made your palms tingle? You had no reason to be nervous. It was just a phone call to one the most gorgeous, chivilarous men you had the pleasure of encountering.

"Abraham Library. This is Bucky."

The infliction in his tone was all business, but he managed to make professionalism sound sexy.

"Hello?"

You were so distracted by his voice you forgot you had to talk.

"Hi, Bucky. Sorry," you smiled, praying you weren't speaking too loud when you gave him your name again. "We met on the subway?"

Please, remember me.

"Hi," his voice warmed considerably, making your palms tingle again for a different reason. "How are you?"

"I'm good," you answered. People asked you that every day, but it felt like he wanted to know. "How are you?"

"Not too bad. Better now. I- Well, I was hoping you'd call."

"You were?" you bit your lip to keep from grinning.

"Yeah. Been listening for the phone all day," he admitted with a small chuckle.

He did want me to call. He was waiting for me. Ha! Take that, Tina.

He cleared his throat, making you wonder if the admission embarrassed him or if he remembered he was working. "What can I do for you?"

I can give you a list of the things you can do to me.

"I was wondering if you still needed volunteers? I'd love to help out."

"Yeah. Of course. We could always use more volunteers. Let me check the calendar."

The silence should've been uncomfortable as you waited, but you didn't mind it.

What you didn't expect to hear next was a groan. A deep groan. One for the sexiest sounds you ever heard. How you didn't whimper in response when you took a seat was impressive.

"Is everything okay?" you asked when you found your voice.

"Yeah. I just forgot to mention that volunteers have to fill out an application," he explained, his voice quieter than it was before. Almost sheepish. "The approval process is quick, but I'm usually better about stating that upfront. I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologize. I filled out the application before I called," you said.

"You did?"

"Yep," you smiled and swung your head toward your monitor. You still had the "application submitted" page up. "So no apologies."

Bucky sighed, the sound just as seductive as his groan as you heard typing in the background.

God, phone sex with him would probably make me collapse.

"Got it. It's right here. That's great." You heard more typing and you had to stop yourself from imagining what else those fingers of his could do. "We have a children's reading this Saturday. The session is from 10-10:30, but I could use some help setting up a few minutes before and maybe a bit after in case any of the kids want to stay longer."

"Saturday is great," you smiled, looking forward to seeing him again so soon. "I can be there at 9:45, if that works."

"That works for me. I'll get the application approved and you should be all set. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"No, I think that's it," you said, pushing your chair back so you could spin around.

It was a silly, happy victory twirl.

"Oh."

You stopped spinning immediately at that single word.

It was the same disappointed tone he had when you got to the restaurant and had to part ways.

But why would he be disappointed? I'm volunteering with him. Wait. He said he was listening for the phone all day. Does he really want to just talk to me?

He cleared his throat again. "If you need anything before Saturday, let me know."

"Wait! One more thing?" you blurted out before he could hang up.

"Yeah?" he asked hopefully.

You inhaled and exhaled once. Twice. You could do this.

"When you're done working Saturday, would you like to get lunch or dinner with me?" you asked as your stomach did an impressive round of somersaults.

You almost ended the call, not wanting to hear if he rejected you.

"I'd love to," he replied.

Your brain temporarily stopped functioning before his answer registered.

He said "yes"!

"Great! Um. Pizza?" you suggested.

Yes, use small words. That's good.

"I know a place right around the corner from the library. Best pizza in the city. You'll love it."

"I can't wait. See you Saturday?"

"It's a date," he smiled.

You set your phone down and waited a second before you spun around in your chair again. The excited shriek you let out was enough to fill your apartment. "He said 'yes'! It's a date! He's-"

A muffled chuckle from your desk made you stop short. Your stomach dropped when you saw the glow from your phone screen. The call was still going.

No. No! Fuck!

You straightened your back and picked up the device with as much dignity as you could. With all the blood rushing to your face, you were surprised you didn't pass out. Should you play it off as a joke? Ignore it?

"Um, are you still there?"

Maybe by some miracle he hung up.

"I am." He sounded like he was trying to hide his laughter. He did work in a quiet place after all.

"What exactly did you hear?" you asked because you were apparently a masochist who wanted to feel the pain again.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said casually. Too casually. "So, are you excited about Saturday?"

"You heard me, didn't you?" you accused as his quiet laughter crept back up.

God, the guy who recited poetry to me heard me shriek like a banshee. Is there a level worse than mortifying? Did Tina jinx me somehow?

"Why didn't you hang up?"

"Because neither of us said goodbye," he said, his voice quiet and casual again. "I didn't want to be rude."

Of course.

"To answer your question, yes, I'm looking forward to Saturday," you said evenly in the hopes you didn't sound embarrassed.

"So am I. Only reason I didn't yell is because I'm at work."

"You're just saying that," you smiled. It was nice that he tried to help you save face.

"I'm not. Honest. And, let's be serious, if those are the sounds you make just from the thought of a date with me…"

You managed not to embarrass yourself again when his voice deepened, but your cheeks got hot and you also wondered what other sounds he'd pull out of you. "Why don't you get back to work and maybe we can discuss that more on Saturday? After library hours."

"Or during."

Fuck.

"But I am hanging up now if you feel like screaming again."

He's smirking. I know he is.

"I'm hanging up, too. Bye," you giggled, pressing end this time so you could cover your face and groan.

The mortifying moment aside, which he seemed to find endearing, you somehow got yourself a date. The next part of your fairytale. You just wished Saturday wasn't so far, far away.

We have a date! Let's see how they're doing in A Real Prince Charming. Love and thanks! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ KoFi

[thegreatwicked]

FicRecs

Enjoy some of my favorite stories I've come across on Tumblr! Seriously, I LOVE these stories and I reread them A LOT!

Please note: Virtually ALL OF THESE STORIES ARE SMUT. That means 18+ content, and you are responsible for managing your internet consumption. Minors DNI.

FicRecs

DC Comics

Dance for Daddy by @matth1w LAWD. I love me some Roman Sionis fics and this one DELIVERS. Sexy, kinky, smutty I give it a solid Chefs Kiss.

Joy Ride and Let Me Make You Feel Good, The Intern by @littleredwing89 More delicious Roman Sionis one shots Joy ride is about teasing Roman as he drives and Let Me Make You Feel Good is about a sweet smutty cure for a hangover. And the Intern, a fuck buddies to lovers story, god yum. Reader inserts. Drool. Go forth read and enjoy.

Bait the Beast by @more-cardigan-than-womanLord help me, I found a new little gem. You cause a bit of a ruckus with Coblepot and Roman thinks you need a lesson.

Yours by @tarrenterror25set in the AO! Verse Roman is having some trouble during the holidays overcoming everything the Joker did to him, good thing he has you. Because he does. You're his now. Melt. Sorry about the mess.

Star Wars

Water and Rock by @split-spectrum I honestly cannot say enough good things about this story It follows Obi-wan/Fem Reader in the classic Master/Padawan troupe and it. is. SPICY. Up to twelve chapters which I have read MULTIPLE TIMES and it hits so hard. Go read this story it is sexy as HELL and gives you the feels. She's so damn good at writing Obi-Wan it hurts, but like in a kinky good way.

The Gift by @ladyinwriting18 I have already spoke at length about the fabulousness that is Lady in Writing and her amazing content. This one is a favorite! Its a Maul/Reader Insert and it is smutty sxy and kinky. Seriously if Maul is your fictional crush (Hi me too!), go read this.

The Three Princes Part One: The Oldest Profession by @thenightmarketofdathomir This writer is freaking legendary. I do not know the collection of words in my own language to describe the eloquence and sophistication this writer possesses. Just go. Go read this and you let me know if you're ever the same again. This gem stars our boy Feral and is a you/reader insert. Oh damn, this story makes me want things...

Birthday Wish, Romancing the Pages, The Write Seduction, To Create Life, by @jedianjakenobi Y'all, this author holds a special place in my writer's heart. She's a published author on Amazon and she's truly amazing. Her works are all Obi-Wan-centered and reader inserts. Birthday Wish is a birthday crush from your sexy neighbor, Romancing the Pages is a fake relationship/summer romance with a reclusive shy librarian (Ben) and a best-selling author, The Write Seduction is a professor Kenobi/writing student story and it is SPICY. And my favorite To Create Life is a Jedi Council green lights a baby-making program and who else is the reader paired with? Their good friend Padawan Kenobi. My darlings, my friends, if you like Obi-Wan smut then you are doing yourselves a disservice by NOT reading these.

Empty Me Out by @221bshrlocked reader insert/DOM Obi-Wan I'm tellin y'all this story NEARLY killed me. I've lost track of how many times I've readit. You're an entertainer and Master Kenobi needs information from you, so you give him what he wants and then he gives you what you want. Where it Wasn't massage therapy reader insert/Obi-Wan, do I need to say more? Pretty sure I melted into the floor with this one.

His Loving Satine by @waterlily707 I love reader insterT and OCs but these two Obi-Wan and Satine are a joy to read. Temporary paralyzed Obi-Wan at the "mercy" of a slightly dom Satine. Juicy, gorgeous, little bit of fluff. Love it.

Room 24 by @murdockussy Little angsty Obi-Wan/reader insert enemies to lovers in an undercover assignment-type situation. Spicy, dom Obi-Wan give. Me. More.

Tea with Lemon, Tea with Honey by @wickedscribbles an established relationship as a reader insert and Obi-Wan. If you want honey then you get to take care of a sick Obi-Wan and kind out you have a new kink, if you want Lemon then Obi-Wan takes advantage of said kink and whisks you away to another planet for some R&R under the guise of "work." Enjoy!

Actors/Characters

Ben Hardy

Hold Me Close, Don't Let Me Go by @stray-kaz God. This one shot is just sxy as hell, it's a Billy/Four fro, 6 Underground/Female Reader. Our boy comes home to one hell of an 'I missed you, I need you right now' welcome. GO read it. Right now.

Such an Experience by @rogermyreligionOk. Guys... FUCK, this is a hot little oneshot Roger Taylor of Queen/Female reader and OMG. Just go read it. I've officially stopped counting how many times I've read this. Smutty/Sexy. I'm dead.

Long Distance by @acciotwinzwinz. Y'ALL. Sit your asses down and read this Roger Taylor/Reader insert/You. It's fluffy, its sexy, its cute and the smut is -chefs kiss- Yes, I read this one a lot too.

For now, these are some of my favorites that I frequently reread because I love them. I'll probably be adding more, it's more than likely I've forgotten some...

[aziraphales-library]

Hello beautiful librarians! Thank you for keeping me sorted with fic to fill the long gap between now and series three. (As I'm writing this S3 hasn't been commissioned yet but who knows, maybe by the time you post it will be?!)

Anyway, I'm looking for some recs for spicy fic, Aziraphale/Crowley pairing, where one of them is wearing lingerie / stockings and the other is taking their time to appreciate it fully before ravishing them. Any gender presentation, any "downstairs effort", as part of a larger fic or just a smaller delicious scene. Anything is welcome! I just saw some lingerie type fanart and I need moooore! Big thanks in advance!

Hi! We have a #lingerie tag. Here are some more fics to add...

The Way That You Hold Me by AngieWords (E)

"Have you ever had any thoughts about my other...forms?" Crowley is interested to find out how Aziraphale will react to exploring a different corporation together. Aziraphale is very interested indeed. Or: Crowley gets nostalgic for his femme-presenting days

Underdrawing by spunknbite (E)

Lace. Just a hint of it: white, peeping out from under the waistband of Aziraphale’s trousers. A finely woven pattern of sprigs of roses and briony linked together with intricate diamond thread work. There was something vaguely Victorian about it, suggesting a handcrafted wedding veil or perhaps the contents of a hope chest. The lattice clung tightly to the pale skin beneath it, pearly lace on pearly skin, creating an almost tattoo-like appearance as if the design was threaded onto his very flesh in only a shade lighter than his own tone. Well, fuck.

Pin An Angel Up by Dibs_Drabbles (E)

Aziraphale was a lingerie model for a newlyweds' magazine, under the guise of Miss Azra Fell. Despite her short-term career, Miss Fell was granted her own special edition magazine, featuring her and only her. The angel had kept it hidden in plain view, quite oblivious to the chance of a certain demon stumbling upon it. And that certain demon was very much thrilled with what he found. - Aziraphale modelled for a lingerie magazine back in 1950, Crowley finds them and thus uncovers a whole arsenal of kinks to explore for the two of them.

Spread Your Wings by foolishlovers (E)

In the glamorous world of high fashion, Crowley shines as a household name. Unfortunately, so does supermodel Aziraphale, who repeatedly lands bookings for the same jobs. When a photoshoot mishap traps them in a studio overnight, their simmering animosity escalates to its peak. Literally.

Tryst at the Ritz by almaasi (E)

Aziraphale nodded, and said, sweetly, “After dinner, Crowley, you and I, we’re going up to a private, luxury suite, and we’re going to make love.” Crowley blasted red wine across the table in a fine spray. (A fic in which Crowley and Aziraphale get a wiggle on, in the Biblical sense.)

Dangerous like Spun Sugar by Nejinee (E)

Crowley really wasn't prepared for any of this. She was a demon of hell, a fallen angel, and also - evidently - a fucking idiot. -- Or, how Crowley had never cared about the inherent sexiness of lingerie until Aziraphale started talking about her own lingerie.

- Mod D

[ferida-kahlo]

Michael Berzatto: NFSW Alphabet

(I apologize for the gif I chose but also... I don't. It's perfect)

⚠️ Warnings: SMUT (light mention of chocking and spanking)

Notes: I tried to make the scenarios as gender neutral as possible. Hope you enjoy!

Also, two PSAs: 1) this is the first ever smut thing I publish; 2) English is my 2nd language, so please be gentle! But also feel free to let me know what you think 💕

A= Aftercare (what they’re like after the act)

He's not super affectionate, but he will check on you (mostly for the macho validation). Probably with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle and a cheeky "so... that was fun huh". If he's invested in the relationship, he will uncounsciously begin cleaning you up, after particularly rough sexy times, and bringing you a glass of water.

B= Body part (favorite body part their own or their lovers)

Of their own - I think he is very proud of his hair, arms and hands

Of their lovers - I'm like 1000% sure this guy is an ass and legs man. Also: tummies!

C= Cum (anything that has to do with it)

He's got a thing for facials, if his partner is up for it

D= Dirty secret (Pretty self explanatory)

When he types "You" on the search engine, the automatic result is YouPorn. Interpret that as you will (this man watches a lot of porn)

E= Experience (do they know what they’re doing)

He's got plenty of experience with casual sex and likes to make sure his lovers are satisfied. However, I headcanon him as only discovering what the clitoris was at like... 22 🫣

F= Favorite position

This boy loves reverse cowgirl (great view of your ass + he can grip your waist and thighs). Honorary mention for doggy.

G= Goofy (how serious are they)

Goofy is his middle name. He cracks jokes throughout and somehow manages to not make it weird - it's all part of his charm

H= Hair (grooming habits)

Bare minimum. He trims occasionally

I= Intimacy (in the moment romantic or rough/dirty)

Definitely dirty - not necessarily rough, unless his lover asks for it

J= Jack off (do they masturbate and how often)

Several times a week - he picks a video and just goes for it. If he is in a relationship, he also loves getting off on his partner's nudes (obtained with consent!)

K= Kink (kinks what they like possibly unusual)

Roleplaying (specifically librarian kink).

Body worship (he loves taking his time kissing and licking all over his partner's body).

Voyerism (slight), he gets off on doing it in places where they might get caught.

Also, a very underexplored praise kink, both giving and receiving (i'm not saying he would come in his pants when his lover moans "God, Mikey, you are so good, so good to me... such a good boy"... but he definitely would)

L= Location (where they like to get it on)

He loves doing it in couches, for some reason. Also, he fantasizes about fucking in the office at the restaurant, or really any public / semi public place.

M= Motivation (things that makes them tick/turn ons)

He likes his lovers feisty and with a sense of humour - if they give him a bit of hell for his stories, he actually finds it kind of hot. As for clothes, tight pants and mini-skirts/dresses do the trick - I picture him as having a thing for y2k style on women, for some reason

N= No (turnoffs or absolutely won’t do)

Daddy/mommy kink - if his lover calls him daddy he is running for the hills

Hitting / spitting - he is open to very light chocking or ass-spanking, but not to the more extreme humilliation and domineering stuff

O= Oral (receiving or giving and how skillful they are)

Both, he loves it. If his lover kneels on the floor and starts unbuckling his belt, he immediatly gets hard. And he definitely knows how to give it to his partner - goes real slow, explores all the little spots with his mouth and fingers, experiments with different speeds and pressure... he could spend hours between their legs

P= Pace (how fast they are and how long they last in bed)

When he can, Mikey takes a long time with preliminaries - like, a lot. He loves teasing his partner, but also just loves worshipping their body and being worshiped back. Because of this, the penetration aspect of it usually doesn't last for long, but both end up satisfied.

Q= Quickie (do they prefer fast and hard)

He is absolutely down for a quickie, but if the relationship is serious he prefers to take his time.

R= Risk (do they like to try new things)

Oh yeah. He's got a slight voyeristic kink and the ideia of doing it in semi public places turns him on. Also very open to trying new positions, sex toys and kinks if his partner suggests it

S= Stamina (how many times they can go and how long each round lasts)

Around 2 - the 1st one is usually long, so after the 2nd one he is usually done (and so is his partner)

T= Toys (are they game for using sex toys on themselves or lovers)

Not so much for himself, but he would definitely be down to use a vibrator on his partner, or any other sort of stimulant toy

U= Unfair (how do they tease or do they enjoy suspense themselves)

He absolutely loves teasing his lovers. Not so much in a "i'm gonna deny you orgasm" kind of way, but more in a "i'm gonna make you come 10 times before i actually put my cock inside you" kind of way. By the time penetration happens his lover is out of their mind. He is himself less patient when his partners try to tease him in a sexual context, but discovers he has a thing for being soft!dommed and praised

V= Volume (are they loud, what sounds, and do they talk)

This man does not shut up in life or in the bedroom. Really into dirty talking, teasing, praising. He isn't super loud, especially when he's close, his voice gains a husky tone before he finishes with a string of grunts and curses

W= Wild card (random sincannon of any sort)

I've seen this mentioned elsewhere here, but I am sure him and Richie have shared at least one girl in their youth 👀 also, if he is in a relationship, he secretly loves it when his partner calls him Big Bear when they are alone

X= X-ray (what’s down below in dem pants)

Average length, with a considerable girth

Y= Yearning (sexdrive level)

High for his age, but definitely lower when he's going through a rough time

Z= Zzzz (do they sleep after if so how quickly after)

Sex for him works like a release. By the time he finishes, he's exhausted physically and emotionally but he also feels light as a feather - those are some of the only times he sleeps like a baby

[thewriterowl]

I love you fics so so much. You're appreciated a lot, and we understand that you have a life and needs a break.

Take your time, your health and life is more important.

So only if you want, I would love Modern setting Mafia Din, obvious luke. I unfortunately can't find a lot of fics like this.

Thank youuuuu and have a good day

omg thank you!! This really is appreciated. Truly, it means a lot that you took time to say that. It always helps me keep working on these updates! But I also appreciate the reminder for the break; I am very bad at that lol

Modern Setting Mafia Dinluke AU

So, I have made Luke a baker (still one of my favorites) and a librarian for this AU but maybe he can be something else. Maybe a really good mechanic who does a lot of work on cars but really shines with motorcycles. He wants his own but he's currently working in a garage maybe run by Djarin's clan but it is low on the chain and has become corrupt as Pong Krell is the manager of it and is not paying Luke well (so he needs a beat up car to maybe sleep in in the future) and pocketing a lot--basically stealing from Din (not good). Krell is very arrogant and thinks he is taking enough to not cause ripples to carry up to the head of the whole clan but he is very, very wrong.

Din runs things tightly and with intense respect and fear. They do quite a bit of illegal happenings but they are a bit more anti-hero/vigilante types.

The family runs escort houses but they are actually very healthy (a little capitalistic but nothing is perfect) and no one is forced to work there. Whoever is can stop at any time and they have great health care and housing. Not to mention incredibly protected and treated with a lot of respect. Even the strip clubs are more are less legitimate and probably the cleanest and best one can find (Lando runs a BDSM house under Din). They actually take down a lot of trafficking through their work with this. He has daycares that's basically free for all who work with him. Drugs are tricky but they mostly ensure nothing tainted passes by as there is not much they can do about stopping it but you better not have anything hard around his territory. He's a "family" business, after all.

He gets his money through a lot of laundering, the escort houses, hacking, blue collar crimes where they rob the billionaires/millionaires, underground fight rings...and, ahem, a few...hits here and there. But they're very selective over who they take out.

Of course, that doesn't mean he isn't dangerous. He and his family chooses to do things through a nicer lens but he had to bury a lot of bodies to get to where he was so that whoever takes over from him wouldn't have to get their hands nearly as dirty. He will do cruel, cold, selfish things if it means he can protect those he cares about. And he won't let some greedy slug try to take more than what he's earned and cause a dent in the network he's created.

He goes when Krell isn't around, bringing in his motorcycle, maybe not removing his helmet to be safe, and Luke is on him instantly. The blond is so EXCITED to see this model and has to chat Din up about it, offering to get it all fixed for him if he wants, he'll put it back together quickly.

Din is very charmed and let's Luke have all the fun he could want as he sneaks into the office and gets all the evidence needed (the little one was very oblivious; that's no good for his own safety) and decides to just chat with this puppy.

Din and Luke probably separate a little smitten at the end.

Luke really has no idea what he's done until the next time Din comes, with his men, dressed in a (sexy as sin) suit and gets Luke in one of the super expensive, sound-proof cars as he...settles things with Krell.

Din can't spend too much time making Krell understand his mistakes.

He has a reservation after where he'll talk to Luke over some nice Italian about him moving in.

[satansaidnottoday]

Armistice at the library.

Info: Human AU, Satan's Mc, GN!Mc.

Summary: You have been annoying Satan long enough to get a date.

A/N: We do a little jump in the timeline here, we will keep jumping back and forth depending on what story I want to tell.

Monday was Satan's least favorite day. He had to sift through all of the books left in the return box during the weekend and make sure they didn't get damaged. They then had to be returned to their place on the shelf. Still, the smell of books and the soft silence made up for it. From up high on the ladder, he could see the morning sun slowly rising over the shelves and tables. It was such a beautiful view; it calmed him down.

Suddenly he got dragged, his ladder moving a full meter to the right out of his control. He held on to the railing for dear life. A less than dignified screech left his throat.

"Good morning, loser," you said, letting go of the ladder. 

"Mc, for fucks sake." He cursed you, coming down as fast as his trembling feet let him.

You laughed and sat down on your table, putting your books down and your feet up. Out of all of the regulars, you were the only one who would show up at 7 a.m. every single Monday. He wasn't a fan. 

"I could have fallen!" He pushed your feet off the table and looked down at you, breathing heavily. You loved how worked up he got. 

"I would have caught you," you said, grabbing his hand on yours. "I will always catch you," you said, looking up at him with your best dreamy eyes and soft, loving smile.

His whole face turns a lovely shade of red. His hand rips apart from yours, and he turns around, leaving for the counter with a huff. You watch him leave, waiting until he is sitting at his computer to start your own work. 

Ever since you returned to town, you have been going to the library every day to work. Partly because it was much nicer than the teacher's lounge, and it was right in front of the school. Party because you loved annoying the sexy librarian. You actually knew him from high school before you moved out. He was a hothead, you remembered. It was kind of funny to see him put up such a serious facade. 

The next few hours are spent grading papers and writing assignments. Every so often, Satan lifted his eyes from the desk and stole a look at you. Every single time, you winked at him. The last time he sighed so deeply, you could almost see the air leaving his lungs. You took the opportunity to walk up to him.

"Hey, handsome, mind scanning a book for me?" You ask, leaning down on the counter. You put down your copy of Lord of the Flies in front of you. "I need 20 copies of the first 2 chapters.

"You don't have scanners and printers at school?" He asks, turning the page in his own book.

"No, we're poor," you lied.

"Then I wonder why you're the only teacher who comes here to work." He lifted his eyes just to glare at you.

"Truly a mystery." You pushed the book closer to him. He took it and inspected it.

"You're having twelve-year-olds read Lord of the Flies?" He asks, looking at you weird.

"Why not? They can relate to the protagonists."

In reality, your first class of the day started at noon, and you had prepared no reading material at all. You had picked up the first book you saw in your bag.

"Let me check; I might already have a digital copy." He started typing on his computer.

"So reliable; I love that in a man."

"Well, at least this way, your students don't need to read your 'notes'," he said, making air quotes with his fingers. Behind him, the printer started working.

"What's wrong with my notes?" Your voice came out an octave higher than you expected.

"Let's see," he said, opening the book up. "We have 'Oh no oh no oh no'," he pauses to look at you for a second. "Just a bunch of 'damn', 'damn', 'damn', 'these kids are fucked up' and then 'poor piggy' sad face." 

You felt the heat rising in your own face as you took the book from his hands. "In my defense, those kids were fucked up."

He laughed at you. It made you wish the printer would work faster. You didn't like being on this side of the power dynamic.

"I should charge your school for all these copies," he said, stapling the copies together as they came out of the printer.

You snorted. "Good luck with that. They're already paying me with hopes and dreams."

He smiled, a non-malicious smile for the first time. "On that, we can relate at last."

"The woes of government employment." 

You stacked the copies as he handed them to you, and when they were all ready, you pushed them into your briefcase.

"Thank you, good sir." You offered him your hand for a shake, and he reluctantly took it. You pulled a fast one and bowed down to kiss it. Heat returned to his face, and the universe regained its balance. 

"You've got to stop teasing me," he sneakered, taking away his hand.

"Okay," you nodded. "Let's go on a date." 

He put a hand on his forehead, as if you were giving him a headache. "I said stop."

"Stop teasing. That's what I'm doing; I'm being direct," you explained, leaning closer to him. "Let's get coffee."

He looked at you for a few seconds, scanning your face for any hints of foolery. For once, you were being completely serious. He sighed.

"I'm free on Saturday," he said, looking at his drawers for something. After some shuffling, he took out a small magnet shaped like the head of a cat and handed it to you. "That's my favorite place."

"Café gatitos and cream," you read off the magnet. It took all of your strength not to laugh at how childish it looked. Instead, you nodded. "See you there at nine?"

He nodded back, avoiding your eyes. Without another word, he went back to work. You resolved to do the same.

Walking back to the school, you fidgeted with the magnet in your hand. You really couldn't wait. 

Thank you for reading ❤️

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

James Stewart (The Philadelphia Story, It's a Wonderful Life, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington)—Ough I saw him first in It's A Wonderful Life, where he is very charming as a suicidal family man being absolutely crushed by capitalism. But then. The Philadelphia Story, in my opinion, should get the same kind of press The Mummy does for being a bisexual dream. Now I'm not really bi (not into women) and it's honestly up for debate whether i'm attracted to men or not, but COME ON!! The movie stars James Stewart as well as Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn (and Ruth Hussey). Stewart plays a common working man, a journalist, to contrast with Grant's character, who is mega-rich. He is scrappy and hates rich people. Hot! They have a whole scene together where he's super drunk and being really physical with his acting, which I love because he is kinda wet noodle shaped. Hot! He carries Hepburn in his arms while singing Somewhere Over The Rainbow. Hot! He gets punched in the face by Cary Grant. Hot!!! In The Man Who Shot Liberty Valence, we get to see him portray an alternative type of masculinity, opposite John Wayne doing John Wayne. He is even more wet noodle-y, to put emphasis on his incompatibility with the rugged masculinity of the cow-boy, he wears an apron for a lot of the film, again, to blur his masculinity, and he gets shot. Hot! Also he's older here, if that's your thing. Long story short: He's giving librarian chic and The Philadelphia Story made me want to be poly.

Gilbert Roland (Camille, The Cisco Kid movies, The Bad and the Beautiful)—no propaganda submitted beyond pictures below the cut

This is round 2 of the bracket. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage man.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

"Here he is next to Grant, in what I believe to be a promotional shot for The Philadelphia Story. Please don't get distracted by Grant (or do, i'm submitting him next)."

"He’s a nice guy and a good guy and deserves all the happiness and joy ever! Classic boy next door/class president kid that everyone loves for real. Stand-up for the Little Guy vibes. With a charming fun side!!"

Link to TCM page submitted for Stewart

"And here he is in colour! From Rope!"

Propaganda for Gilbert Roland:

[mostfuckableffvillain]

Round 4 - Eliminations

A tough day for #girlbosses everywhere as we say goodbye to Kuja, Elidibus, Elena of the Turks, Vayne Carudas Solidor, Yotsuyu goe Brutus, Luzaf, Barbariccia, and Jihl Nabaat! You will all be sorely missed!

Congratulations to Emet-Selch, Sorceress Edea, Kain Highwind, Ysayle Dangoulain, Reno of the Turks, Tseng of the Turks, Aranea Highwind, and Estinien Varlineau! We look forward to seeing you in Round 5!

As always, for reasons why these baddies were nominated, click below!

Kuja: >Just look at his waist. Also his outfit is giving a lot >Have you seen him? Also his reaction to finding out he's about to die >The eyeliner. The hip bones. The poetry. >Long hair, abs, bit fem, and that outfit >Unhinged femboy swag >cunt /pos >Those hips >Just look at him >Dude, just look at that outfit he wears. Just try telling me this evil guy doesn't lay pipe. >Just look at him …….. >just look at him okay. okay? >Not my type but just in case no one else did (14th nomination by this point) >Dem hips, his fashion, love of theatrics, banging theme, feathers >I mean, come on, who doesn't want a sexy androgynous gent with feathery hair in a flowy outfit voiced by Akira Ishida? >he's got the pretty boy slut vibes >i mean. look at him. >listen. look. listen. i know he's store-bought sephiroth in a stripper outfit. but listen. your honor i love him. he's deranged. he's obsessed. he wants to be a megalomaniac, tyranny is his passion. he rides a silver dragon. he is internalized *phobia personified. he's a flawed creation literally narratively and ideologically. his trauma is that he can't experience trauma. he eats souls so he can transform into fake emotions power mode and it turns him bright red. let him live and let me fuck him. >look at him >I mean have you seen him? What doesn't make him fuckable? >Pretty. Vain. Self defeating. All qualities I love in a man.

Elidibus: >Beautiful, complex, self sacrifice, suffering, powerful >Claw gloves, most beautiful man alive behind his mask, luscious white hair, sexy deep voice, immortal wizard, loved the person that the protagonist character is a reincarnation of, likes to play piano, lives on the moon, made me cry, best written villain in this game to be honest, one of his boss fight form is wearing stiletto heels and has four arms. >I mean, come on, who doesn't want a sexy androgynous gent with feathery hair in a flowy outfit voiced by Akira Ishida?

Vayne Solidor: >He's just very pretty >Hot >The face. The hair. He's yucky in the boss battle but MAN he's hot the rest of the game >What DOESNT 😭😭 his Nose, his Voice, his Hair, his callousness, the way he sees everyone as a mean to an end >It's the hair. Not being completely batshit insane kinda helps, but mostly it's the hair.

Yotsuyu goe Brutus: >Well for one she’s evil and hot so write that down but there is literally a point in which she steps on someone???? Like okay girlboss love that for you

Barbariccia: >Basically naked + hair bondage + that bit where the FFXIV version goes all she-hulk and I'm scared and gay

Jihl Nabaat: >Sexy librarian vibes

[thelastbistro]

Rules: In a text post, list ten books that have stayed with you in some way. Don’t take but a few minutes, and don’t think too hard — they don’t have to be the “right” or “great” works, just the ones that have touched you.

Tag [ten some] friends, including me, so I’ll see your list. Make sure you let your friends know you’ve tagged them. (THIS IS NOT IN ORDER BY ANY MEANS) 1:

Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy. Classic nerd entry, I know, but the moment I read this book I fell in love with it. It kind of became a bible of sorts, in that I was crazy obsessed with it and wanted everyone to read it. Every time I found someone who hadn't read it I would give them my copy and go out and buy a new one. Must have bought this book close to 10 times now, excluding audio book versions.

2:

And here we have my start into being an edgy vampire-loving teen. I was bored one day and my mom was like "shut up and read this". And I immediately loved it. I knew it wasn't the first book in the adventures of Lestat, the stupid sexy vampire, so I went to library and got every single one I could find. Contributed big time to my love of wearing black and sitting in dark rooms listening to brooding music.

3.

My first Terry Pratchett book. I can't say this specific book had a lasting effect on me but it was the first Pratchett book I read that made me want to read everything else he ever wrote. I like to believe my sense of humour was built up between my love for Pratchett and Adams' works.

4.

Another classic nerd entry. Even though I loved this book the only reason I read it was out of a weird sense of competitiveness. I was always proud of how many books I read as a kid, so when another kid in my class was allowed to read from the "older kids", because he could read at a higher level, I just HAD to prove that I could too. The librarian gave me this to read and I think it was to deter me because she seemed surprised I wanted to read the rest.

4.

I haven't read this in a long time but I remember really liking it as a kid/young teen. I don't know if it was because I found Adrian relatable or if I saw him as something to avoid becoming but it left somewhat of an impression.

5.

I bought this as a joke because I thought it would be been funny to get a reaction out of people when they found this in the collection, but it turned out to be an amazing retelling and I recommended this to everyone who loves classical romance and then have zombies show up.

6.

So I am a huge fan of the Discworld series but any story that focuses on Sam Vimes is my favourite among them. Guards! Guards! is his first appearance and I always looked forward to more of him whenever I found another discworld book.

7.

I read this during a time where I was looking for a type of spiritual guidance as I had just stepped away from catholic upbringing. I may have to read it again since it has been awhile but I do remember really liking the messages in the book.

8.

Another one of those 'accidental reads". Was in my public library and it was on the returns trolley, and I just grabbed it on my way out. Almost didn't read it as I had taken out a bunch of Asterix and Obelix novels but I'm glad I did. Even happier when I found out there was a movie that did a really good job retelling it. (Recently bought a copy to share with my nephew one day)

9.

Bit of a philosophy nerd, but a bigger pop culture nerd. Love the "Pop Culture and..." series, but this was the first one I had read. Honestly found it made consuming philosophy theory a lot more palatable.

10.

This is a very recent read and it is the first one written by a first nations of Canada person. I LOVED the different perspective in the story telling. It's encouraged me to read more books by non-euro authors.

–

I tag:

@neuroticdragon, @javeragegamingposts, @izzykinrys, @brogestuff, @sockdilemma, @regangreenwood

[recurring-polynya]

I know you’re on team renruki all the way (I am too!) but I was curious if you had other characters in mind who you’d think would match up well with renji romantically. Kind of like a backup ship? :)

I used to have a lowkey fondness of Renji/Orihime, primarily because they are both people who put everyone before themselves, and that's a ship dynamic that's very appealing to me. I sometimes think that if Renruki had not been canon, I might have gone deeper down this rabbithole, altho I think it more likely that I probably just wouldn't have ended up writing any Bleach fanfic at all. (I did write one, ages ago). Since that time, however, I have written so much Renruki fanfic that focuses on the depth and breadth of their relationship to the point where nothing else comes close for me. I have also enjoyed the occasional RenIchi content (not so much b/c I'm into it, but because the RenIchi people are really talented), but I always get the same hang-up of it's just not Renruki. I used to have more tolerance for non-Rukia Renji ships, but I've gotten less flexible about it over time, I guess.

That being said, I often enjoy seeing Renji get paired up with other people in non-endgame ways. He's an easygoing guy and fun to be around and also really good looking, so I don't think he lacked for companionship during his separation from Rukia. (Note: I don't think either of them were celibate during that time, and I don't regard this as being "unfaithful." It was 40 years, Renji had no idea if his plans were ever going to pay off, and they are both pragmatists.) At the same time, I think there's this level at which he is just not emotionally available, because he's still hung up on her. I actually think that it is the nature of Soul Society that relationships are ephemeral by default. Shinigami live until they get killed, which could be a really, really, really long time, and marriage and children aren't necessarily the goal unless you're in the succession line of a noble family. It's funny to think about, to me, the idea of dating someone for a couple of hundred years, but not really be serious about it. It lasts while it lasts, y'know?

Anyway, here are some Renji-hookup scenarios I enjoy, in order of how much I enjoy them. (if you're wondering why there are no captains on this list, it's because power-imbalances in relationships are a huge turn-off to me)

Shuuhei. Extremely Renji's type. Also very easy-going and a good friend. Shuuhei has baggage, sure, but the Rukia-thing doesn't particularly intersect with any of his own baggage. Just two hot guys, drinking, smooching, writing copy for the Seireitei Comm and tooling around on the motorbike.

Nanao. I think he would be really into the sexy librarian thing she has going on. I think she would appreciate that he has more going on in the brains department than it would appear. The fact that he's hung up on an old flame is fine, since she's cursed to kill anyone she marries. They have incredibly hot sex. Truly spectacular.

Rangiku, but strictly friends-with-benefits. The benefits are really good tho.

I am not immune to a really angsty fanfic where he hooks up with Momo.

I think that in his Squad 11 baby days, he had the most gruesome crush one person has ever had on another on Ikkaku (who is 1000% taken, which might be Part of It). I hope you just full-body shuddered. I'm obsessed with this, though, sorry, not sorry.

I read a fanfic once that was really pre-relationship IkkaYumi, but there was an extended period of Yumichika and Renji hooking up and I think about this more than I should??

Akon. Why not? His horns are cute.

Because it feels like an omission, I want to say for the record that I wish all the love to the Izuru/Renji shippers, but I am not for it, because I think their mental unwellnesses intersect in a way that makes them really great and supportive as friends but would turn bad quick in an intimate relationship. (I realize one could spin this for the angst, but this is not the kind of angst I enjoy)

[andrasta14]

Okay, I'm dying. 😂

I feel so seen by this bit in 'My Roommate is a Vampire' (also leave me alone LOL -- yes, I'm an intellectual, and yes, I sometimes listen to cheesy and trashy rom-com audiobooks while I'm doing other stuff because they don't require much concentration on my part -- the two aren't mutually exclusive unless you're a pretentious wanker :P) where the protagonist is watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer with her vampire love interest.

""Do you think Angel or Spike is more handsome?" he asked with all the seriousness of an MPR journalist. [...]

I was completely thrown. Whatever I'd expected him to say when he joined me on the couch it wasn't that. I had no idea how I was supposed to answer it, partly because it felt extremely loaded, but mostly because I'd never been particularly into either of Buffy's bad boy vamps.

After a bit of somewhat frantic consideration I gave him the truth.

"Giles is the hottest man on this show."

"Giles?" Frederick sputtered in what sounded like genuine surprise. He turned to face me, eyes boring into mine with an expression that bordered on outrage. "The librarian?"

"Yeah." I pointed to the screen where Giles was presiding over a meeting of teenagers at the high school library. He looked supremely put-upon and hot in his unique middle-aged, glasses-wearing librarian way."I mean, look at him."

Yep, I feel so damn seen right now. 🤣👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

I mean, don't get me wrong, Angel and Spike are not without their appeal...but Giles?? He's so much more my type than any of the other guys in personality and temperament - and his sexiness is so damn effortless it's just inherent.

Rupert Giles is basically my Buffy-verse husband. 😘❤

[funnywormz]

top 10 lobby boy looks please and thank you rate this man like he's in an issue of cosmo and we're ripping him asunder

this was a toughie bc idk anything abt fashion and his outfits aren't described in as much detail as the manager but i still had fun!! decided to only use publicly accessible canon episodes for this (no bonus eps, nothing patreon exclusive) hehe. also let me reiterate once more that i have the worst fashion sense in the entire world

NUMBER 10: 4.10 - audrey burns

awesome episode but this fit sounds boring as hell. it doesn't sound BAD but just...... boring.......... doesn't even have a hat. sad

NUMBER 9: 4.1 - perry sherwin

he doesn't like it and i don't either. white is definitely not the best colour to be wearing when you're employed at a slimy gross murder hotel lol. maybe it looked kinda cool but thinking abt him trying to get the stains out makes me a little sad. also plain white is kinda boring imo....... although it could look cool in a kind of stark way i suppose

NUMBER 8: 4.17 - debbie houston

putting this one low on the list bc it's uncomfortable for him and he didn't like it which is sad. but it's at number 8 not lower bc i instinctively know he was serving cunt here. like i know he looked kinda sexy in it. but he doesn't like it and comfort should always come before fashion imho, hence its low spot on the list. also he didn't even get to wear it out of the closet.......

NUMBER 7: 4.16 - alex potenski

made the manager cringe but i think it sounds kinda cute in an ugly way. like he could wear this to a barbecue or to the beach or something. i like it when madam hotel puts him in pink.........

NUMBER 6: 4.7 - dorothy rennup

it's giving librarian. it's giving tumblr history teacher aesthetic. unfortunately i have a weakness for that kind of outfit so i think it sounds cute. it also sounds comfortable and warm which is important! and the collared button up under a sweater look is always something i enjoy................

NUMBER 5: 4.3 - the habers

we never actually get this one properly described to us which is why it isn't higher on the list. based on the hotel taking on a 70s aesthetic in this episode and the fact that even THINKING about this made the manager cringe kinda fills me with joy bc i know it was ugly and campy as hell. in my heart i know he was so garish and awkward looking and sweaty in this episode and i love it.

NUMBER 4: 4.9 - mr platt

i think this sounds cute sorry miss manager. once again i like it when the hotel puts him in pink outfits. by "coral" im assuming it's a pink/peachy coral type of colour which i think would look cool in combination with black. tidy but a little bit ugly in a way that i enjoy greatly. idk exactly why i like this one as much as i do. but i do.

NUMBER 3: 5.2 - it watches and it smiles

LOVE THIS THANG! underrated episode imo. i love the way this episode combines ominous terror with like, pleasant night time tropical beach vibes. it's rlly good. the description of the lobby boy in this episode is also rlly good. something chunky and very low to the ground that can't move fast but has very very long grabby arms and bulging big eyes and an evil grin........ i love it. sounds very spooky. love it when he's at the window menacing the guy inside. it's easy to get a vague idea of this creature in my head but hard to pin it down to a specific design which i think is intentional, and i rlly like it. very shaped animal. sounds like he might look at little bit silly if you caught him in the daylight perhaps, although that isn't necessarily a bad thing

NUMBER 2: 2.2 - cracker man

sadly we don't get much of a description of cracker man but im putting him high up bc i think he is awesome. bones sticking out everywhere, joints and the wrong angles, all skinny and tall and bulging and swollen and creaking........ love it. i bet he looks so scary. the idea of the monster chasing you being all broken and sad and in pain itself is very compelling. also the body horror side to the cracker man where he's constantly creaking and snapping with every movement is so uncomfortable (in a good way). also as someone with very creaky and sometimes painful joints i can relate to him.

NUMBER 1: 4.5 - robert watson

maybe this sounds underwhelming but hear me out. HEAR ME OUT OK! this is one of the few episodes where the lobby boy is described as wearing the classic red lobby boy uniform, and it's extra shiny and fancy and pretty this time. i think he was physically at his peak of lobby-boy-ness here. the red outfit with the hat and shiny buttons is a classic and it's his most iconic look ever. most people in the fandom including me draw him this way. it might seem boring or generic bc it's so common but to me this outfit is just His Outfit. it's the lobby boy outfit. unbeatable imo. if he was a cartoon character and wore the same outfit every episode i just KNOW it would be this one. it's a classic. i will not be swayed on this.