#I love knowing you completely superficially <3< /div>
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
the-hilda-librarians-wife · 5 months ago
Text
In light of recent events, I just want to say I’m so so thankful Luke Pearson is (as far as this blogger is aware) such a completely normal and chill dude. King I’m so happy you give us absolutely nothing. Never change.
18 notes · View notes
madaracore · 1 year ago
Text
Tumblr media
#sad pou hours#jk thats like every hour of my life#dont read im just being stupid and miserable snd dumb#so like normal. Online diary in place of therapy#i just need to get it out so i can stop feeling this way!#okay? ok.#im trying NOT to feel shelved away and unloved but its really really hard and its getting really REALLY much harder#* is basically my only saving grace. Hes the only person lately who seems to show care and interest unprompted#and it does wonders for my self esteem#its. Really nice to be able to hear I Love You fully and unobjectively from someone just bc they want me to hear it#bc i dont get things like that v often. im So touch and affection starved it makes me throw up#and ik its gross and just. Way too clingy#ugh. I just would rather not hear the words at all than have to costantly see ‘ily/lov u/etc’ from my friends n stuff cuz it just feels so#Superficial. which is a Dumb ass reaction I Know but. ugh. whatever.#im just tired. of being completely isolated and then being shelved by people on top of that. its hard. but ik im not the most personable or#enjoyable person so ig i cant blame other ppl#i constantly feel like a whimpering dog at the pound.#its hard watching everyone around me be loved and spend time with each other while im stuck on the outside.#like damn all my irl ‘friends’ constantly go out and have fun with each other snd the only time they think of me is when lizzie pity-invites#me lol. the message has NOT been clearer! i can try all i want and ill still be last place <3#i think im gonna go back to ripping myself open i dont have anything else
0 notes
jji-lee · 4 months ago
Text
𖦹 .ᐣ.ᐟ₊ ⊹ cryptic crush
Tumblr media
are you looking for something deeper than just superficial romance? of course you are! sm university presents : cryptic crush the only on campus app that is 100% anonymous. sign up now and we'll randomly pair you with someone ready to chat! who knows? they might be the one...
maybe you should've kept in mind that anyone looking to find love is allowed on the app even campus fuck boy mark lee
Tumblr media
fuckboy!mark x fem!reader
genre : humor, neighbors/enemies to lovers, college au, fluff, slight slow burn, fluff, mark and reader are always at it bro (fighting not fucking LMAO),
warnings : sex jokes, death jokes, mean ass insults and comments, descriptions of sex and dirty acts, reader is a secret freak, lets see for how many chapters i can talk about sex for tbh...
notes : my 2nd smau! I wanna take my time with this one since there's not evil dad backstory lol... i apologize beforehand for the way these guys talk about women. feedback is always appreciated and don't forget to enjoy!
playlist : pony , ginuwine | s&m , rihanna | sex with me , rihanna | die for you , the weekend | the boy is mine , ariana grande | kiss me thru the phone , soulja boy | work out , j.cole | rodeo , lah pat | agora hills , doja cat | moonlight , kali uchis
status : completed !
Tumblr media
profiles [1] | profiles [2]
intro
[1] pussy with emotion
[2] juliet o juliet
[3] jelena forever
[4] false alarm
[5] long dee
[6] zoo wee mama
[7] good boy
[8] nanami x reader
[9] GAGGED YOU
[10] constipation
[11] honesty and attention
[12] might like her sorta
[13] 10/10
[14] psych manipulation techniques
[15] burger king
[16] that's barbie bitch
[17] that sounds familiar…
[18] GET MARRIED?!
[19] haiiiiii >0<
[20] rizz
[21] bread and jam
[22] tap dancing
[23] she gotta be a lesbian
[24] brat
[25] the y/n way
[26] YOU SNOOZE YOU LOSE
[27] oh fuck no.
[28] gordon ramsay
[29] friendly bonding
[30] who tf is peter
[31] sweetie pie juliet
[32] skibbiddi toilet rizz
[33] he's molesting us
[34] @ilynanam1
[35] hairy balls
[36] are u my daddy?
[37] crack dry
[38] he's unemployed
[39] certified throat goat
[40] dream blunt rotation
END~
Tumblr media
bonus :
[1] private but not secret
[2] ms. daisy
[3] finally on the priv
END~
2K notes · View notes
hannieehaee · 2 months ago
Note
Hii! How would Seventeen react to knowing that his gf is insecure about the size of her breasts (small breasts)?
18+ / mdi
their s/o being insecure about their small breasts
content: mentions of sex, body worship, insecurities, etc.
wc: 608
a/n: thank u for requesting sorry i took so long</3
masterlist
seungcheol -
as distracted as he becomes when he sees or hears anything about your boobs, he'd push those thoughts aside to comfort you about your insecurity. he'd be very vocal in letting you know how much he enjoys and loves your body exactly as it is!!
jeonghan -
giggles at you for some reason. he just finds it very silly, like how can you possibly not understand how pretty and perfect your body is? will coo at you and baby you and reassure you through all means necessary in order to make you see just how pretty he thinks you are.
joshua -
reassures you that as long as your boobs are involved, he's always having a good time. size is a worthless metric to him when it comes to boobs. a real boob man knows that size doesn't matter as long as a boob is present.
jun -
very confused. does not understand how why when who what. he's always been very enthusiastic about how much he enjoys your boobs, so it makes no sense to him that you could possibly feel insecure about it. literally will not understand the issue at hand.
soonyoung -
becomes a complete idiot the moment your boobs get brought up as a topic of conversation. any negative comment about your boobs goes in one ear out the other.
wonwoo -
so nice and sweet to you, basically babying you as he shows you just how pretty you are and how much he adores the size of your boobs. will get you on his lap and very meticulously demonstrate how much he likes you just as you are.
jihoon -
he'd really try to comfort you and reassure you over how beautiful and perfect and majestic he finds your body, but at the end of the day, he's just a man. any conversation about your boobs is just a lost battle when it comes to jihoon. he'll lose any bit of focus when you bring up your breasts.
seokmin -
he'll make you feel better through jokes, making himself the butt of any joke in order to make you realize that you're perfect and he loves everything about you even if you don't feel the same.
mingyu -
whines at you, fake annoyed that you'd insult or complain about one of his favorite things in this world. depending on your mood, he'd either coo at you and reassure you OR ease you out of your shirt to show you how much he likes them regardless of size.
minghao -
so sweet about it. would take your insecurity very seriously and do everything to make you see how its just a superficial thought and completely unfounded. will give you a whole speech about it but will still comfort and reassure you throughout.
seungkwan -
whines, huffs, cries, does everything to express his disagreement towards any negative feeling you have towards your body. cannot understand how you'd ever not be as obsessed with your boobs as he is (or your entire self for that matter). will tone it down and actually comfort you if you need it, but will mostly want to enthusiastically express his love for your boob size.
vernon -
his brain cannot really process a possible insecurity over the size of your boobs. you could bust them out at any moment and he'll forget how to speak either english or korean.
chan -
yet another member confused as hell as to what there is to be insecure about. as the number one fan of your boobs, he'd even be kinda offended at the insinuation that there's anything wrong with your boobs. will enthusiastically show you his love for them if you let him!!
334 notes · View notes
sweet-as-an-angel · 2 years ago
Note
Yay I was the anon who asked if you watch the new John Wick film, I hoped you enjoyed the movie!
Can I request some yandere marquis de gramont headcanons? (it can be romantic or platonic)
man was the biggest prick that i had seen in a while from a movie lol
Yandere Vincent de Gramont Headcanons
Tumblr media
A/N:You read my mind Anon lmaoo - I was literally planning on writing some HCs for the Marquis <3
Despite the initial conception one may have about Vincent's dedication to a lover – that being none – he's actually surprisingly...loyal.
While he has the playboy exterior, enough money to soak up the oceans of the Earth and all the allure that comes with his occupation, he secretly feels as if he has nothing at all.
What he wants, what he really, truly wants, is to feel something new. Something he’s never experienced before.
Love.
Not just for himself - for someone else.
His brush with John Wick made him realise how empty his life was by comparison to the Boogeyman, who lived and almost died for the memory of love.
And that stuck with Vincent. Affected him more than he’d like to admit.
But, his heightened status above most others has left him isolated with few who wish to know him in a capacity beyond acquaintances for fear of incurring his wrath with a misplaced word or an overstepped boundary.
Thus, love is almost an impossibility for the Marquis.
And then he met you.
And grew obsessed intrigued. Fast.
He likely met you in passing completely separate from his usual crowd – which is to say hunters and murderers.
And he's taken aback by you; your beauty, your charm, your personality. In a way that, while many others have tried, have never breached Vincent’s superficial interest.
Or perhaps you nurse that same melancholy void he harbours; the desire for something more. Which, divulging it to him, a complete stranger, the Marquis finds oddly endearing. Vulnerable.
He’s enchanted. The void in his chest seems to tighten somewhat. Heal.
You’ve given him what no other has before. Genuine, friendly, interested conversation. All without even knowing who he is.
Now, having to rush off, apologising with a smile for taking up his time with “Trivial banter,” Vincent watches your retreating form.
He has his sights set on you.
Over the next few days, while conducting business and going about his everyday life, Vincent’s mind keeps crawling back to you, those fateful minutes wherein he felt he knew everything about you and nothing at all.
Though, he doesn't actually want to admit it at first.
While, yes, he does want to experience true love, he is entirely unwilling to acknowledge the disgustingly human need to feel something.
So, he tries to hide it. Bury it beneath his work, French desserts and luxuries you've never even heard of.
But, over time, you spring back up in the forefront of his mind when you are no longer content with being a voice in the background. A memory of a time where Vincent felt as if he’d truly been seen.
And Vincent, passing off his secret enthusiasm as boredom, a mere meandering of memories, ‘allows’ the odd thought of you to trickle in here and there.
You are a form of medicine. Whenever Vincent feels something undesirable brewing in his chest, he finds himself back with you on that bench in the park, your warmth and presence sun rays against his face as he’s transported from one of his many mansions to beside you once more.
And, even if he doesn’t want to acknowledge it, you scratch the right spot in his psyche that material gain just can’t. Not in comparison to the human touch you have.
Gramont’s so used to people regarding him with favour or fear that it still takes him aback now how kindly you treated him, not knowing who he is or what he does.
You had nothing to gain from your kindness. And yet you still gave it to him.
Healed him with it.
Vincent’s daydreams start to grow more intense the longer he thinks about you.
An emulated conversation. Additions and projections of the recollections of your encounter, no matter how brief. Anything to let Vincent feed off the feeling you gave him when he’s exhausted the phantom of your first encounter.
There comes a point, weeks after you first met, where Vincent spends more time in these memories, both real and fabricated, than in the conscious world. And they strengthen, pulling his focus from his work, from his duties.
At first, this manifests as a glazed look in his eyes, one which, to all those who knew of him, could pen as the typical, uninterested Marquis stare.
He wears the same one in the comfort of his private rooms, one where nobody can see what he’s thinking. But now, people can see Vincent couldn’t care less about the projected bounty of this one killer from Wales; he just wants to be left alone with his thoughts.
His men have started to notice, too.
And, one evening, Vincent decides to lay upon them a task.
“I need you to find someone for me,” he says, his chin resting atop clasped hands. There is no jest, nor leniency, in his stare.
The task itself sounded easy enough. But with only a physical description to go on, not even having gotten your name, Vincent, for the first time in his life, is anxious.
Anxious his men won’t find you, no matter how deep his connections run.
Anxious that, while he’s lived in his dream world for the last month, you’ve since disappeared. Been killed, perhaps, or exposed to some freak accident.
Vincent pains at the feeling in his centre whenever he considers this a possibility. It tears the scabbing void in his chest wide open again.
Sometimes, while he lies in bed, the thought that might have perished somehow, that his men will have misinterpreted his specific instructions not to interact with you, only report on what you’re doing, plagues him.
He knows his men are loyal – that they’ve never failed a task before now. And he clings to the hope that their winning streak won’t run dry one of these nights.
One day, sat in his office, glancing over a document he’d tried reading for the last half hour yet couldn’t because, surprise, you were distracting him, one of his men came into the room.
“We have them, Sir,” he said, the image of victory. Vincent couldn’t help but scan his suit for any sign of blood. Your blood.
To say Vincent was excited is an understatement of epic proportions.
At first, he’s just numb.
Then, a few minutes later, his chest burns and sparks with an electric passion one acquires when meeting an idol.
Vincent wishes to deploy himself immediately. But he knows this is a waiting game.
So, he remains far enough away from your life that you do not suspect a single thing is wrong.
You don’t even glance over at the guy who’s been tailing you for the last few hours.
You don’t think twice about the stranger who’s been sat in perfect view of you in the cafe for the last two weeks.
You don’t even consider that the guy you bumped into earlier is responsible for your house key going missing.
Now, with access to your inner sanctum and your daily routine burned into his mind like a holy scripture, Vincent makes his move.
He stages meetings between the two of you.
Starts ‘bumping into you’.
At first, you simply recognise him, ask him how he’s doing and what he’s doing in the area.
And, Vincent, the man with an answer for everything, finds himself doing something he never has before.
He fumbles.
Even when he imagined you in a most vivid detail, nothing compares to this moment, where what he says has consequences, where he has one shot at getting this right. Or risk your uncertain stare.
He can feel fear rising in his chest as he stutters. Only once, but enough to knock him down a few pegs in your mind’s eye. At least, that’s what he thinks.
But, he completes his task, albeit not as pristinely as he wished.
He asked you out to coffee.
And you, with a signature smile, accepted.
And now, your fate is sealed.
Vincent beats himself up over his ineptitude of speaking to you like he did in his head: suave, cool, collected.
And, given the fact that he’s never had to take accountability for anything he’s ever done, he tries to blame it on someone else.
Not you, though.
Never you.
Regardless of this minor hurdle, as Vincent sees it, he purses this…friendship with you.
He isn’t used to the concept. Not in a visceral sense, anyway.
The saying ‘It’s lonely at the top’ comes to mind when describing Vincent’s relationships.
There is always a power imbalance, no matter who he’s speaking with.
He is always above them, and they are always below him.
But that’s when they know him. Know his dynamic.
You, you have absolutely no idea who he is, or what he’s capable of.
To you, he’s just Vincent, the owner of a successful manufacturing business.
No, Vincent couldn’t quite ditch the theatrics. He still needed an out to impress you – to have a valid excuse as to how he owns so many nice cars, how he never wears the same designer suit twice.
He doesn’t tone it down with the suits, by the way.
He’s too enthralled by the fascinated look you wear when you’re taking in the patterns, the chains, the craftsmanship.
Which, to his surprise, makes his face warm.
People have only ever looked at the label of his outfit, never the ensemble itself.
That’s just another of the ways you make him feel seen.
You tell him so much of yourself, yet not enough to break your mystique.
Vincent knows more about you than you think, and he uses this to create another version of himself – one which likes the same records as you (though, he unironically does enjoy them. But, he knows he likely wouldn’t unless you listened to them, too), has the same preferences for how you fold your clothes, whether you should brush your teeth before or after breakfast.
And Vincent devours every detail you grant him like a meal, saving them, storing them, testing them out in his newest daydreams when he gets home, his heart thrumming and his breathing short as an unfamiliar feeling of wholeness and anxiety overtakes him.
And yet, there is little he can offer in return.
Nothing that isn’t a lie, anyway.
He keeps you as far away from his work as possible, hence he meets you in such public spaces.
His men are always stationed nearby, disguised as civilians. Should the need for bloodshed ever arise.
Eventually, your weekly coffee meet-ups evolve into something else.
Vincent, after asking one of his men (under strict confidentiality) ”What do you do when you…like-like someone…?” starts taking you to restaurants.
He tries not to scare you off with anything too fancy, but he can’t help but feel part of himself die whenever he thinks about how dull the food here in this 5-star restaurant is compared to his usual dining preferences.
But you’re happy, thanking him for the meal with a gratitude that isn’t borne from a life-or-death scenario.
You’re not paying for these dates, by the way. Vincent won’t let you.
“I brought you here; I’m paying.”
He also has a tendency to go overboard with the gifts.
You tell him your watch is broken ? Here are five designer timepieces imported from a selective brand whose clientele is vetted and chosen by the CEO himself.
Of course, you can try to refuse these gifts – tell Vincent that you “Can’t possibly take them from you; it’s too much !”
But he plays the guilt card well.
“No, I insist,” he says, pushing them into your hands. “I’d be offended if you didn’t.”
If you actively wear or use anything he buys you, he’ll be overjoyed. Prideful.
You’re wearing something he got for you. That basically means you’re saying you belong to him.
Of course, he does get a little carried away with his…delusions. But he means well !
He’s just territorial.
Vincent can be a gentleman when he wants to be.
And can also be a vicious creature when he doesn’t.
He only presents one of these sides to you.
The other is reserved for his more…private affairs.
When he started feeling more intensely about you, his mind wandered to some rather unsavoury places – places that, usually, VIncent would walk through without batting an eye.
But now that he, dare he say...liked you…he felt as if he’d been drenched in cold water whenever he imagined you doing anything risqué.
So, with the steadily growing number of these thoughts, these images of you, piercing his mind, he decides to take matters into his own hands.
He beds people who look like you. 
The two of you aren’t dating yet; haven’t even held hands (though Vincent agonises over finding the right opportunity to do so).
But he still feels wrong. Like he’s cheating on you.
His sanity tries to prevent him from thinking like this, tries to keep itself intact by urging Vincent to pursue another mindless conquest.
Your name does slip out between his panting, though.
Much to the chagrin of whoever’s beneath him right now.
He wonders what you’d look like, what you’d feel like in this same position. What your preferences are.
There’s only one way to find out.
He tries turning up the boyfriend factor after he decides now’s the time to pursue you. Properly.
He sits a little closer to you whenever you invite him over for movie nights, holds you for just a little longer whenever you engage in your traditional parting hug.
And he can’t help but think about how much he wants to stay with you like this forever.
And permanence is a rare commodity for people in his line of work. No matter how many bodyguards he has, or how skilled he is.
Nothing is certain.
Which is why, one evening, lying awake in bed, he decides to act.
He knows it’s a risky manoeuvre, but he can’t deny how careless he’s been with you these last few months.
Not that you’d know, but his men have intercepted five people who’ve tried to kill you, take you – or worse.
All just to get to him.
He can’t leave you in the wide open world like this. He can’t let you be at risk. Not because of him.
So, that night, his heart in his mouth as he commands his men to “Find (Y/N). Bring them to me.” Vincent awaits your arrival.
And, eventually, he hears you. Clamouring in the halls outside his office, screaming and fighting. Resisting.
Vincent can’t help but crack a smile, knowing how defiant you are – how stubborn you can be in your method.
As the heavy footsteps of his men come to a stop outside his door, your screeching is blunted only by the thick wood.
And, doors open, here you are, shoved into the room.
Your captor revealed.
You look at him with what you could construed as almost-neutrality, your bewilderment a damper to your anger, your fear.
“Vincent,” you say, breathless. You take a staggering step towards him. His men take a step towards you, reaching for weapons concealed by their coats.
Vincent raises a hand, and they retract.
He looks at you.
His eyes are filled with nothing less than adulation, misplaced happiness in a situation you view as dire.
“Sit,” he tells you, casting a glance to the seat before his desk.
With little else you can do, you obey.
And your world begins to unravel.
Vincent, in the lamest, most gentle of terms, explains that he is “Not who you thought I was,” – that he does “More for a living than make vases and luxury dishware.”
“I,” he says, watching your eyes carefully, glassy and holding no less potential for terror. “Am the Marquis.”
Vincent stands, and when he sees you flinch, something in him withers. Hurts.
He shoves it aside.
“I am responsible for making sure that the right outcome is brought to the right people.”
His hands behind his back, pacing the length of your field of sight, he swallows. 
You’re judging him now. In a way you never had, you’re judging him.
His desire to display how grandiose his lifestyle is doesn’t seem so forthcoming anymore, hiding, shy.
This is more difficult than he anticipated.
“What does that mean ?” you say, voice tight and quiet.
Vincent’s fist clenches. He doesn’t want you like this. You should be happy he’s rescued you ! Albeit from threats you didn’t know pertained to you, but still !
“I’m…” he starts. His gaze wanders to his men, who, with perfect understanding, leave.
You almost don’t want them to go.
“I’m a reaper, of sorts,” he says. He draws closer, taking a step in your direction. You bite back the urge to flee.
“A face to a cause.”
When he doesn’t elaborate, instead watching you with what you think is scrutiny (but couldn’t be further from it), you ask, throat dry, hoarse from your screaming. Crying.
“What cause ?”
Vincent bites the inside of his lip. And, for the first time, he can feel himself cracking under your gaze.
You’re scared. He knows you are. He just wished he didn’t have to see it painted so blatantly on your features, downturned with grief should everything end on this night.
Where was your smile ? Your crinkled eyes, your sonorous laugh, your upturned lips ?
“I fix problems,” he says. There’s no way he can put his occupation lightly. “I used to do it with knives. Guns, a pencil, perhaps – whatever was at my disposal.”
He’s closer now, approaching. His arms are at his sides. And he stands before you.
You don’t want to look up. You want to look – be – anywhere but here.
But Vincent doesn’t let you.
“But now,” he says, and he gets to one knee. His hands trap you, on either of the arm rests of the chair. Yet he does not possess the face of one who is a captor, instead a mask of total capitulation to a feeling he couldn’t even begin to understand before you showed him.
“I do it with diplomacy. With people who are much better suited to that life than I.”
His voice is soft, quieter than before. There is a hint of a smile at his lips, pulling the corners, beginning the total eclipse of his eyes from full to crescent. An offset to the anxiety bubbling in his centre.
Your hands in your lap, he takes them in his, slowly, gently, fingers resting atop yours.
And he squeezes them.
Holds them. Just as he’d always wanted to.
“Why–” you swallow a sob, turn your head so you don’t let him see your face scrunch into the epitome of fright. “Why am I here…?”
Vincent’s lips part. His hand slips up to your jaw, urges you to look at him.
He’s forbearing. A butterfly.
Nothing like how his men handled you.
That in itself could almost convince you that he’s not such a bad guy. Even after all he’s told you.
“Because–” your face in his hand, he looks up into your eyes. Barely contained tears fill them.
“Because you’ll be safe with me,” he promises. There’s an unencumbered optimism in his eyes. A dangerous one at that.
“Because I can’t trust that my men can protect you when you’re so far away – alone – in the city.”
“What do you mean, Vincent ?!”
You don’t mean to snap. But since you’d just been kidnapped and the truth behind the matter is no clearer to you, you can’t help it.
Vincent almost seems to flinch, his eyes narrowing just for a second. He returns to you with his puppy stare.
“There are people out there who know who I am. What I do.”
He squeezes your hand again, his other still wrapped about your jaw.
“The problem now is that they know you, too.”
He swallows thickly, looking down for a split of a second. Guilt.
“And it’s my fault. I should’ve been more careful. Should’ve just left you alone, let you live your life…but I can’t undo that now.”
He laces his fingers between yours. And you’re too frazzled to refuse.
“What I can do, what I will do–” his hand comes to the point of your chin, holds it gently between his fingers like glass.
His gaze falls to your lips, and you try to ignore it.
“Is keep you safe. Here. With me.”
You’d have laughed if you didn’t believe everything he’d just said.
It all just made sense to you.
The lavish gifts, the people watching you that you hadn’t dared notice before because you’re just being paranoid. The hard glares Vincent would grant to all that passed you by in the rooms of higher society.
And now, everything shatters. You cry.
“Oh, non, mon Cher, don’t cry–” Vincent moves to wipe the tears from your cheeks, but you pull away. Retract from his kindness.
"You're insane–" you’re breathless, gasping between sobs
"Not insane.” VIncent tells you. He stands so he’s perfectly level with you, his eyes piercing yours. And, just as he had many times before in your presence, he smiles. Genuine and heartfelt. Then, a statement. A declaration.
“Just… in love.”
2K notes · View notes
kafkasmeow · 5 months ago
Text
1 ꗃ A FAMILIAR TUNE
Tumblr media
imagine! 7.2k words worth of slow-burn ─ dan heng x reader ─ second pov fem! reader ─ angst and fluff ─ father! jing yuan (strictly platonic) ─ i treated the reader more as an oc, i do apologise for that.
summery ─ leaving home was one of the hardest choices you’ve ever had to make, yet how could you stay when the life you lived could only ever bring you sadness and superficiality? 
aka dan heng x reader with mommy and daddy issues
disclaimer ─ this story may hold sensitive subjects such as mentioned death, neglect and the baggage that comes with it, mental illness, violence, harassment and talks of infertility. it has a very long introduction (my bad lol), a rather steamy end and takes inspiration from the original story line so be careful of spoilers and it was inspired by head-canons written here by @lyomeii , please go show some love. remember that this is a work of fiction and any names and characters written are my imagination alone. enjoy <3
taglist ─ @can-i-go-to-sleep-please ─ @can-i-stay-awake
Tumblr media
There was a time when things felt easier, when the sun seemed to shine brighter despite the overwhelming shadow that was always cast on your family. You used to love the deep smell of green tea that enveloped the parlour each time the two of you took residence in it, and the wind that would swirl it around the whole of the office all while you laughed without a single care at the way it tugged your translucent shawl and hair. 
Jing Yuan adored that sound more than anything, it filled his heart with the warmest of contents yet the cruelest of longings. He would sip quietly on the tea you’d brewed for him and pretend to enjoy the frivolous moment with his eyes closed, but you both knew that when you looked away, another story would be told completely. 
Perhaps in reality, the sun never shined brighter than it seemed to and it was never easier to stomach. You were just too naive, too young to notice the thin cords bringing you and your father closer, and too ignorant to see the way they were slowly beginning to rip under the pressure. 
To the public eye, your father loved you more than anything in the world, that was no news to anyone atop the Xianzhou Luofu. You’ve always worn the most expensive silks to have ever been created, with the richest of accessories and jewels. Whenever a new Hanfu dress would reach your hands, he would parade you on the busiest streets himself, making sure everyone and their mothers would talk about it by noon the next day. 
He made sure you always had the most able and knowledgeable professors at your call, and if you ever needed anything, all you’d have to do is ask to whomever was closest to you at the very moment, and it would be fulfilled within seconds. Sometimes you didn’t know if the servants did it out of admiration for your father or obligation.
Jing Yuan made sure you never needed or wanted for more. Materially, that is. 
And things were bound to change as you grew, especially as he cruelly presented you to the scrutiny of high society. 
You quickly grew to understand that it was his way of apologising, like a crow that would chip away at your skin then bring you trinkets of appreciation. When you sat and listened to some woman criticise that your dress was too frivolous for the event, too out of fashion for society and that none of your jewels matched, he did not do much but smile and pat your shoulder. 
“Little [Y/n] will learn from your kind advice.” He assured her, but you barely held in a snort of frustration. When the other women joined in, when they begun pulling at your hair to adjust it, when they hit your hands with their fans as you purred tea for not angling your elbows right, when they shamed you as the hall hollered with laughter, he watched and smiled, so you took a deep breath and smiled back to everyone around you too.
Later that very evening he found you with tears running on your cheeks, a box of red and gold velvet in his hands. Your father did not speak, nor did he show much emotion on his face and it angered you. You wished to yell, to protest for the fact that he had not jumped to your defence, but as you opened the box, all protests died on your lips and the tears stilled, hands shaking at the most beautiful jade hair pin you’ve ever seen.
But his gifts stopped making up for his emotional absence around the third time it happened. 
And you knew they all watched you like a hawk. Every move you’d make before the higher ups would be analysed on a scale of “good enough” or “weak” by none other than your father’s so called friends, while every single gesture before the public was like pulling needles off your skin. Yesterday you wore your Hanfu scandalously low on your cleavage, today you didn’t say thank you when the guard accompanying you opened up your parasol, tomorrow you won’t hold your tea cup quite right and so on. 
Usually it was easy to ignore.
But that was before the daughters of the noblest of houses would begin to alienate you for shallow reasons, and before the sons of each commissioner would size you up as nothing but easy stock to win over, an easy marriage in the pocket, or so they thought. 
It was easy for them to have the audacity to criticise you to your face or try to win you over, after all, you were nothing but a spoiled brat who’s never heard no for as long as she’s lived. Surely, you’ve never faced a single hardship, so the public felt righteous enough to scold you into it while for those within you were noting but a charity case. 
So you tried to learn all you could, so you’d never feel as less in front of others ever again. Since the very evening of your debut, you insisted on having a book under your arm, a needle in your hand, a sword at your hip, or a qin in your lap while tea cups simmered on a table. It felt easier to overlook the loneliness when you did. You found that after a certain age, it felt comforting even to worry about making it in time to granny Hua’s qin lessons while leaving the swordplay hall behind, rather than sit pretty in a room and wait all day for your father to finish his duties as a general. There was no more room at social events for rude interventions, and no more room in your mid for uncomfortable questions to ask while doing so, really.  
But you couldn’t avoid them for an eternity, that was for sure. And neither could Jing Yuan, for even in tranquil moments when peace had the taste of green tea and the smell of fresh air after rain, your twinkling eyes were still a carbon copy of how hers were. 
In the better of these days, your father would pretend to laugh at a joke you made, while you pretended to be satisfied with his reaction. You’d move a piece on the xiangqi board with elegant hands and chatted about the latest passage you read in a philosophy book, and he hummed in agreement while placing his own piece down. A cleverly crafted strategy to his own defeat, one that you felt content with following despite the fragile shame that came with it. 
It was a play you both excelled at most, after all.
At the worst of it all, you can’t understand his harsh voice as he yells “That is enough, [Y/n]!” while slamming his tea cup on the table. The whole room would shake at his warning, but your hunger for answers was much stronger than any fear, so you really can’t understand his fury when you yell back “Father! It is not!” He look at you with sorrow in his heart and his eyes were twisted by a pain you’d never understand, as he could only see her in you. 
“I will not have this conversation with you!” He’d warn again, but you took it as an invitation to push even further. “I don’t know the first thing about my mother, Jing Yuan! Her name? Never heard of it. Her face? Never seen it. Do you not think it is cruel, father?” Hot tears streamed on your perfect porcelain cheeks, smearing the red eyeliner you had painted on. “No one ever speaks about her to me, everyone refuses to. But they all look at me like I’m some kind of…” Your voice trailed off with hard puffs and sobs. “Like I’m some kind of…” 
His own chest puffed and the sight of you felt like a stab to his heart. You couldn’t get your words out, you didn’t need to really. People constantly looked at you in one of two ways, no matter how perfectly you’ve learned to craft your smiles, or how good your tea brewing had became, you were either a charity case they’d pity, or a spoiled brat that knew none of what the real world would offer.
 But despite all of his anger, he was still your father, and as much as he loved to punish himself trough you, he still held back the need of snapping the heads off all of their shoulders. He would reach for the back of your neck with his hand, bringing you into his chest in a half hug. “You are enough. Never forget that.” He’d kiss the crown of your head and inhale the floral smell of your hair. It grounded him, even as you screamed into his chest and pushed him away, his grip stayed firm until you’d shed your last tear and you cried your last sob. 
Because despite of how much you hated to admit it, you were living and breathing for his approval, which you seemed to never ever gain.
Unbeknownst to you, everything about you was just like her. Your face, your hair, even the way you wore your Hanfu  a little out of place with the shawl falling all over the floor when you walked, or your mannerism as you spoke with a tiny accent on your tongue, it was all her and nothing of his except the mole under your left eye. You’ve never met her, he tried to reason. You’ve never seen her or heard of her deeds. Your mother has been an enigma to you ever since you could remember things, and yet the world punished him with her perfect copy in you when he tried to push her memory away the most. 
It felt bittersweet. To the outside eye, general Jing Yuan adored his daughter more than anything else in the world. But underneath the jewellery, there were unaddressed feelings, each pearl you wore for people on the Central Starskiff Heaven to see was a tear unshed, each new dress was a silent apology they’d never hear, each loving promenade you’d have with your father was there to hide for the public a question you asked when the cord was too tensed. One of these days it would snap in half, you were sure of it. 
So who could blame you when it all overflowed? When you could no longer smile in the face of those who envied you and when your father’s emotional absence felt like a hallow painting of what should have really been? When the dresses and the jewels weren’t smothering the pain any longer?
You felt it daily, building up, pressing down, tugging at your smiles until they became frowns and empty stares, and your ever growing depression was evident for anyone that roamed the gardens outside your window at night, as your qin carried into the world the saddest tune your heart feared to voice. And this time, not even a Hanfu made out of golden thread would ease your pain. 
“So, say you, general,” 
Your father hummed back to the woman before him as he placed his piece down on the board. Another noble nodded in agreement with his choice behind him. You saw them all from where you were sitting, fingers strumming the qin in a delicate tune for the whole room to enjoy, while gin purred from flasks and laughter echoed somewhere in the back. It wasn’t like you to agree partaking in parties like these, but how could you turn Jing Yuan down when he asked you to serenade him at the event?
“I would say you’d want to keep your daughter closest to you, am I not right?” The wicked tone in the noble’s voice made you shiver underneath the silver shawl that draped off your shoulders. “Quite so I fear, why is that?” 
“Well, I hoped to reach you when I first heard the news, but I was quite busy, yous see?” The woman, an esteemed elder of the Artisanship Commission, hid her face behind what was possibly the most obnoxious fan you’ve ever seen, and your fingers became stiff on the metal strings of your trusted instrument. “Pardon me?” The general stilled his movements on the xiangqi pieces while the chattering went quiet. Nothing but your trembling notes filled the air.
“You know, I wished to give you my deepest condolences the moment I heard. For your daughter’s… unfortunate situation, that is.” Confused, Jing Yuan tilts his head to where you stood, only to be met with the same questions on your face that you desperately tried to drown as you played your melody. He chuckled awkwardly, then, and returned his attention on the game. “I fear I don’t know what you’re going on about, ma’am.”
“Ah… You know, the fact that your daughter is unable to bear children has quite saddened us all. I was looking forward to sending my son as a potential suitor!” 
If eyes could kill, you would be sure that the place where the woman stood would have become scorched dust. An involuntary scoff left your lips loud enough to draw attention, but you pretended to be engrossed with tuning your qin before beginning to play another piece for the hall. 
“And where have you heard such news, I wonder?” But she held no fear in her eyes. 
“Well, for one, everyone in high society talks about it! You see, your daughter is already past the age of accepting suitors yet has never even been seen with a man, so people assume. That being said I personally was told so by a doctor that works under you, your grace.” 
‘Lies’, you told yourself, but it was not enough to cool the blush you had on your cheeks from embarrassment, no matter how much you have been shamed by the public eye, nothing could compare to this very moment now. 
“Is that so,” Your father trailed off, then placed his piece on the xiangqi board. “Well, from what I know, your son is welcome to send in his suitor application, for my daughter is more than healthy and cared for. In fact, now that I think about it,” But you didn’t wish to hear any more. 
With a sudden move, you jumped from your seat to your feet and rushed to gather the qin underneath its silk cloth. The commotion drew attention to you, and so murmurs begun filling your ears which only fed your ever growing shame. “Please excuse me.” You voiced as you bowed deeply to the room of lords and nobles, then picked up your instrument and hurried to the exit with a strained “Please enjoy the rest of your evening.” 
And you hoped that would be the last you’ve heard of it all, but as fate wanted it, that was far from how things would play. 
“Father! This is ridiculous!” You protested. For all reason and purposes, it really was. 
Not even a full day after what happened, he invited you to serve tea with him in the parlour. You found it odd, as he never requested your presence on Tuesday afternoons, but did not complain as you stepped into the room with haste. 
He took his time finding the courage to face you, and when he understood he would not be able to deliver the news to you with a straight face, he pushed a stack of paper to you without even meeting your eyes. There, in red ink, was your fate sealed by a simple signature. An agreement that had been made without your knowledge or permission, and a wound that would become the reason for the demise of cord that held your family together.
Marriage certificate. 
No one knows what was truly discussed that night in the evening, but what was known was that you’ve fled with tears in your eyes and anger on your face. And for better or for worse, that would become the last time anyone on the Xianzhou Luofu had seen you under the identity of the general’s daughter, for you found no more room in your heart for the pain that followed with it.
Tumblr media
“You know, when you put it like that, I do think that green works best with coral!” March eagerly nodded her head, while Dan Heng took his time analysing Himeko’s theory. You and welt only listened to the conversation with one ear, while the other was being filled with questions over questions from Stelle. 
“I don’t believe that’s a wise move.” You chirped as Welt placed the piece down, and you followed with a quick movement that gained you his general. He groaned and pushed his glasses up away while massaging the bridge of his nose. Stelle wowed and wood at your victory, and March leaned from her seat across the express’ parlour with a “really?” look in her eyes. 
“You lost again, M. Yang?” 
“I swear I’m good at this game.” And you chuckled while placing the pieces back into their pouch. “Used is a keyword.” March continued to tease while everyone watched your movements, which, weirdly, felt more calming than before your time on the express. In truth, it was because they never snickered underneath their palms and never cherry picked your posture until you’d get it wrong. 
That being said, you could only care for one person’s eyes alone, and his stare felt like electricity on the back of your neck. 
“How did you learn to play like this, anyways? You’re like a mad genius at these.” Stelle intervened, and you couldn’t help but shiver as your father’s knowing eyes came into your mind. “Ah…” was all that escaped your lips, before you cured your pained expression in a calm and lovely smile. “My father taught me how to play. He always made it so I would win, though. Therefore, for the longest time I believed I was quite bad at it too.” 
Your voice felt like crystal in the quiet room, so quiet and soft to the ear that it was more akin to a melody than a spoken sentence. You never truly talked about your home, never about your family of your past, which is exactly why your friends turned to you with a cocktail of shocked expressions. Despite how polite and proper you always were, whenever someone asked about it, you would have the coldest glare thrown their way, sure, involuntarily, but scary nonetheless, and with time the crew learned to not ask about a past you so much wished to hide.
Despite that, they never judged you for any of it, not even when your friendship has been tried over and over by your cold heart. You were never outright rude per se, but distant hit the nail in the head best. When Himeko would extend an invitation to a “coffee party” for the crew as an example, you refused with a polite smile that felt ripped out of etiquette teaching picture books, saying you prefer tea instead. 
She feared you’d be left out, you feared being the centre of attention. 
“I believe I’ll head in for the day.” You spoke after finishing to arrange the xiangqi pieces on the board. March left out an “Oh…” and you could hear the sad face in her voice. Amongst the others, she was the saddest when you chose to sit the Xianzhou Luofu out, as ever since your addition to the crew, you never turned down an adventure. You explained that your bones hurt from the cold of Jarilo-VI and that you needed a rest, and with Stelle at their side, you were sure they would have no problems getting trough this one trail-blazing adventure. Sure, it was a bit of a shock for Himeko and Welt, but to March? It was a tragedy. Her new bestie leaving her behind? She swore the world would end.
“Please, have a safe journey and a swift return.” 
You nodded your head their way before picking up the xiangqi game and reaching for the door. Your fingers grazed the digital pad just in time to hear Dan Heng’s voice behind you. “I will do the same, didn’t quite finish storing the data bank after Jarilo-VI.” 
And so you ended up side by side, walking trough the corridors of the Express. However, as you stepped past his make-shift room, you found his steps synced with yours still and, confused, you turned to face him and painted one of your signature smiles. Fake but pretty all the same. 
“Can I help you, Dan Heng?”
It was exactly that cold yet perfect, more-like-a-painting-than-an-actual-human attitude that made Dan Heng distrust you from the moment you stepped on the Express. You left everything to speculation in a way in which even your clothes were a mass of black and colourless, without any culture behind or any story at all to tell. Always in a bland attire with no accessories at all. March made fun of you for being so tasteless, but he saw past the appearance.  He saw past the way you acted and into the way you wilded your swords like cranes flying in the wind, the way you prepared and steeped tea, and the way you handled xiangqi and go pieces like a native only could.
He peered into your eyes in a way that made you unravel before him without a single word, and he knew it was to hide a side of you that you’ve hidden deeply to the rest. But not quite to him.
And while he was trying to get over a sense of danger in you, fed by your secrecy, you found peace in his presence. Unbeknownst  to him, he was the one thing that reminded you of home and the good in it despite it all. If your memories were filled with torment and loneliness, he was the smell of freshly baked red bean sticky rice cakes in the market, or the sound of wind chimes in the summer rain. He was all of the little things you wanted to push away but found comfort in, and you didn’t know if you loved it or hated him for it.
“Yes, actually.” He nodded. “I find I can’t sleep as of late and I wanted to try one of your calming brews.” You frowned at his words but gave in without asking much, which he greatly appreciated. “Very well, please join me for some tea tonight, then.” And silence settled between you two as you lead him to your cabin with unease rolling off your shoulders. 
Your room was much like your clothes. Simple and colourless besides the coffer next to your bed, which was unmistakably made with the mastery of a Xianzhou artisanship. But if he noticed it, he didn’t speak on it at all, nor about the low table in the middle of the room that was in the same style, or… well really about anything. You appreciated that most. Even when you settled on the table a traditional set of cups, a clear tea spreading the most enchanting and calming aroma from them, he did not speak a single word.
As he drank, his eyes rested on your covered qin that sat atop your bed, and he did not need to speak for you to understand his intentions. You sat down quietly on the covers, revealing the  simple instrument like a truth you’d usually hide from. And he couldn’t help but watch you with sadness in his heart as you tuned the strings with shaky hands ‘till crystal clear notes echoed trough the room. 
You took a heavy inhale and looked upon the dark ebony wood as if greeting an old friend before propping it on your lap, but couldn’t handle to meet Dan Heng’s eyes. At least not when he stared at you as if he knew every single secret you feared to tell. 
As you raised your hands in the air, getting ready to pull at the string, his own palm engulfed your exposed skin in an unspoken plea, and you couldn’t help but give into his warmth. He pulled gently until your face was buried into his shoulder and his other arm was in your hair, and you didn’t even notice it when silent tears begun to stain the fabric of his coat. He didn’t protest nor ever addressed it, and you preferred the feeling of his body against yours to the coldness of his eyes on a normal day. 
As such, you spent the evening together afterwords. Him silently sipping on the calming tea as the sorrowful yet comforting sound of the qin filled your bedroom, until there were no more tears to shed and the pot on the table had gone cold. 
No one wanted to admit it, but it had to be said. Something changed between you and Dan Heng from then on and the first one to notice it was none other than March. 
They were getting ready to leave the express when she stated it for the whole crew to hear. 
“Is it me or are the two of you like, in love or something now?” She arched one of her eyebrows while her lips rested in a scowl. Now, don’t get her wrong she was more than happy for you two if it was the case, but what she could not stand for was the two of you ditching the adventure to enjoy a date over tea and qin music again. 
“March, what kind of nonsense are you onto again?” You huffed with cherry red ears, while Dan Heng choked on the water he was previously drinking. All she could do was wave her hand while saying “yeah yeah,” over and over with a bored face before they set out on their way, but not before Welt pinned the two of you down with a knowing look.
The express stilled with their absence, reinforced by Pom-Pom who claimed to have some cleaning to do somewhere in the Express and Himeko who had some paperwork to finish. The parlour felt almost empty, despite Dan Heng’s presence right next to you. He still held his fist over his mouth as if preparing to cough, cheeks dusted pink and eyes on the starry sky before you, but he didn’t say a word about what happened. And something in you told you to follow his lead. 
You ate quietly at the sticky rice cake you tried your hand baking, and although the taste was very different from what you remembered, it was still as good as ever. With a tissue all crumpled up in your hand, you resulted to watching the sky along side your new friend, eyeing the stars one by one as they passed by. Yet you found your eyes sliding lower and lower from the window to the man before you, who you found already watching you with wide eyes. As if caught in headlights, he stammered out an incoherent string of words but did not move his gaze, not even as his body leaned to yours until his hand grazed your chin. 
You shuddered at his icy touch, but did not dare to move, not even as his fingertips reached for your lips. He gently wiped your lips then brought his thumb to his own mouth, licking off the excess red bean cream from the cake, and you were absolutely sure your face would explode from how hot it get in that very moment. “You had a bit,” He started, but his mouth closed shut when he noticed the dazed stare in your eyes. “Oh aeons, I didn’t make you uncomfortable, did I?” His voice shook and his own ears turned scarlet red, only now realising what he has done. You shook your head, head turning  so you could focus on the floor as if the tiles below your feet were now the best sight you have ever seen. “Ah, not at all! I was just surprised, ‘tis all.” Your sweaty palm gripped the tissue tighter. “Would you like some?” And Dan Heng looked at the half eaten cake you extended to him with an expression you’ve ever seen him give March or Stelle. He stared at the cake in his hands with a wholehearted fondness. “Yeah.” Was all he could manage to whisper back.
And somewhere in the back, you swore you heard Himeko giggle to herself. 
The same evening, you would hear three soft knocks on your door in the dead of night. There, in the hallway, with a sweat filled forehead and uneasy complexion, stood Dan Heng, and you would be a fool not to extend a hand to him when he begged for help with his tired eyes. 
Tumblr media
“Quit hiding!” The criminal’s voice rang trough your head like a broken mantra. “Your true form… reveal it!” Dan Heng did his best to dodge the maniac attacks, all while you and Yanqing stood in an awkward stalemate in the middle of the platform.
Your blade screeched against Yanqing’s, but it was like fighting fire with fire, simply useless. No matter how lowkey you’ve been upon reaching the Xianzhou, he needed one singular look to know exactly who you were, even underneath the mask that covered the lower half of your face.
“You, little..” You trailed off with effort. Despite his usual sense of justice, that you’ve always commanded, his attacks felt awfully biased as he strikes your blade repeatedly with his icy ones. His technique felt as familiar as home did, her teaching seeping in his bones trough and trough, but so did  your father’s into yours, which you’ve had much more time to perfect than the little lapdog did. 
“Move, you idiot!” And with one harsh push of your blade, the young boy was off his feet, giving you enough time to reach Blade before he could get any damage done on Dan Heng. You yelled with each strike you struggled to par, until his crazy red eyes widened in glee and his sword flew from his hands and right by your chin. The sound of your friend’s cry in agony and the blade tearing trough skin and bone made you pause, and horror struck you as you refused to turn around and to even acknowledge what had happened. “You!” Was all you could let out, sword still pointed straight to Blade’s neck.
“I have news for you.” He laughed, and you took a step back. You would lie if you said your insides didn’t churn with fear, even as he was left completely disarmed before you.
“Behind you… Is none other,” The sound of water engulfed your ears as your head snapped back. “Than the traitor of the Xianzhou. A criminal, forever banished!” Your eyes widened as the barrier around Dan Heng rippled, leaving a water-made dragon to escape with rage all over its face. It roared and turned in the air, coiling until it fell right back to where it came from, and when light and wind filled the platform, you couldn’t help but shield your form with your arms. 
“The High Elder of the Vidyadhara… Imbibitor Lunae.” 
The hold on your sword weakened. You shuddered as the man you grew so attached to revealed himself before you in a form you’ve recognised from your father’s tales. Long silky hair and cold green eyes, horns and tail and lotus flowers and everything that made the Vidyadhara so revered. You could hardly believe your eyes. With a weak step forward, you pulled at the mask to reveal your strained expression, sword falling to your side numbly. 
“You really believed that the Stellaron Hunters were the only ones to infiltrate the Xianzhou?” 
Cold air begun pulling at your hair, and you shook off your stupor when Yanqing begun summoning his ice swords. Your body acted before your mind did at the new threat and your sword was back up within seconds, posture ready for a clash. 
“A wanted criminal, a banished person and a deserter. In this case, I will bring all three of you to justice!” 
The fight ended before it could even begin properly. Yanqing was strong, but Jingliu’s teaching could only get him so far against the three of you. Blade begun striking without mercy, taunting you and Dan Heng for holding back. “What’s wrong, your grace? Scared to harm the boy?” The criminal laughed as you sent only one out of the spirit swords you summoned towards Yanqing. Flashes of electricity begun shining trough your hair with anger, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do more. Not  even when Dan Heng delivered the final strike with a silent apology. 
Yanqing’s knees begun to buckle just as Kafka yelled “All of you, listen to me - stop!” 
You couldn’t help but stumble back, swords falling out of existence as Dan Heng’s feet stepped back on the floor and Blade’s weapon vanished before your eyes. “Well, Bladie? Are you satisfied?” She mused and he only hummed in response. 
“…What did you do?” Dan Heng called after a moment of silence. “Just clearing the stage for the grand entrance. Can’t have the four of you misbehaving in front of the Luofu’s hotshot general.” Your shoulders stiffened as a familiar laughter filled the platform. All heads turned towards the sight, yet you stayed rooted on your feet, back turned and head shaking in denial. “No, not like this.” You whispered. 
“Jing Yuan,” Blade huffed. “General!” Yanqing followed. 
The man stared at the sighed before him with a knowing smile just as you got the courage to turn and face him. If he felt anything upon the sight of you, he did not show it. “Many years have passed since the three of you have departed the Xianzhou, and yet the circumstances of your return appear to be equally unhappy. If you still thought of me as a friend,” His eyes went straight to yours, unspoken words weighting you down as you found it harder and harder to breathe. ‘As family’ was what he wished to say, yet he held back. “You should’ve forewarned me.” 
“My task is complete.” Was all the blade said. “Mhm. That it is.” Your father laughed in return. “Thank you for assisting the Xianzhou in this small matter. Take this person away, I will pretend I didn’t see anything this time.” He stated harshly despite Yanqing’s protest. Jing Yuan then stared at Dan Heng as the two Stellaron Hunters made their way to the boat at the edge of the platform. “It has been a long time, old friend.” But your friend answered harshly. “I’m not him.” 
“Mh. I’m sorry. You cannot leave yet, however. Your astral express friends are still waiting for you in Scalegorge Waterscape. Shall we go and see them together? And you…” The moment you have been trying to prepare yourself for most had arrived, and your father’s smile died on his lips as his eyes analysed your face. 
“I missed you terribly, my sweet flower.” Dan Heng stiffened next to you, but his hand fingertips grazed yours in protectiveness, to which you could only respond by accepting his palm into yours. The familiar nickname brought tears into your eyes, and despite the coldness of his face, your father’s voice felt like a familiar little tune you new by heart. Like a warm hug when you needed it most. How you wished you could’ve just forgotten it all and jumped into his chest, just like how you did when you were nothing but a sprout on two legs. 
“That being said, we will continue this conversation later. I’m afraid your friends might be in trouble, you see.”
You didn’t know how time had passed so fast, more like a blur than anything, truthfully. Your eyes were opened wide on the platform between the Xianzhou and Scalegorge Waterscape, blade in hand and senses aware as you parred each of the attacks your way. Then you blinked, and when you reopened them, a familiar sight greeted you. 
Three cups of steaming green tea on a low rise table, a board of xiangqi and pieces of go scattered all over the table. A sacred silence engulfed the room, besides the occasional sound of the chess pieces falling into place, and none of you could bring yourselves to shatter it just yet. 
Dan Heng watched you play with patience while occasionally bringing the cup to his lips, now back into the form you grew so familiar with. You hated to admit it, but his presence comforted you. It gave you the strength to hold yourself together in a situation in which you would have certainly shattered if alone, and your father’s keen eye did not glass over that fact. 
You sighed peacefully when your chariot was finally occupied in the middle of the palace, on your father’s side, in a perfect centroid checkmate. The man before you leaned back and sighed, a puzzled expression on his face. “You just had to go and get better than me at this game, did you not?” But you didn’t answer. You still didn’t know what to say, really. Were you feeling guilty for deserting your spot as a cloud knight? For leaving your father behind? Or for bailing on your responsibilities as his daughter? Well, no not quite, so apologising for it felt…strained and forced. But one thing felt real as your eyes met his and Dan Heng’s hand reached for yours across the table. You missed him terribly just as much. 
“Every single day that passes shapes you more and more like her.” He added. “I wish you could’ve been by my side for them all.” 
“Jing Yuan…” You whispered back, but he didn’t let you finish. “If your mother was here with us today, I assure you, my sweet flower, that things would have been so different.” For a moment, you could hear nothing but your heart beating against your chest.
“You are just like her. And I truly mean it. Your face, your personality, darn it all even the way you speak. And, as your father, I wish I could’ve offered you a better life.” 
“You did all you could.” Funny how even now, you were the one to reach with a warm heart, how you were the one to comfort and forgive, even when his heart couldn’t yield. 
“Not quite. I was foolish and believed that a firm hand would prepare you for the cruelty of the world. I failed to see, no. I failed to change when I saw that it was harming you more than anything.” You let out a sigh you’ve held in for a very long time and closed your eyes, a last attempt at holding in the tears you wished so disparately to shed. 
“I love you, father. Nothing will ever change that. However,” Despite how your hand shook in Dan Heng’s, your voice stood firm, and as you opened your eyes, both men shivered at their determination. “An apology, no matter how needed, will never make up for what has been. If this is your way of asking me to stay, I fear I’ve made my choice.” 
But his ever knowing smile was back on his lips, and his laughter caught you off guard. Your fingers tightened on Dan Heng’s fingertips, who had stayed quiet as you and your father voiced what both of you ever feared to before. 
“You see, that was not my intention. That being said, if you ever did wish to return, there will always be room for you into my arms, my darling flower.” And you only nodded back, lips slightly parted in surprise. 
“We should head out.” Dan Heng whispered to you after the tea had been finished and the conversation ended. He tapped the skin of your palm with gentle fingers, a quiet way of asking for your attention. His eyes were stricken with tiredness, and you doubted that yours were any better, excusing the puffiness brought by your tears. 
“Ah yes, I forgot!” The general mused. “There is no need to return to that hotel for the night. I asked for your room to be prepared, for you and your lover here. So you could rest comfortably before leaving.” The moment could be best described by a broken record being pulled abruptly from its recorder and screeching in your head. You eyed Dan Heng who refused to meet your gaze and who’s ears became scarlet red once more. “Father!” You protested. “He- He’s not-”
“Save it, [Y/n]. At least invite me if you do ever get married.” 
“Dad!” Shame engulfed you as you pushed Dan Heng out of the room all while the sound of Jing Yuan’s laughter taunted you from behind the doors of the seat of Devine Foresight. You couldn’t help but whisper muffled apologies into your hand that tried to shield your burning face from anyone that would watch, which in truth was as effective as searching for a needle in a haystack. 
What you didn’t expect was for Dan Heng’s hand to find yours and move it away, revealing cherry red cheeks that matched his own. He cleared his voice before leaning in just enough for his breath to fan over your ear as your back met the closed doors behind you. “I would not mind if I was.” He whispered before his velvet soft lips rested against the exposed skin of the back of your palm. You were sure your knees would’ve given in if it wasn’t for his arm that hooked around your waist, bringing you so close to him you shuddered. 
“I really would not mind it.” 
Later that evening, as his teeth grazed your exposed skin before kissing it with sweet words of praise, as your hands intertwined and your bodies became one under the silk sheets of your bed, you could tell that your heart began singing a familiar tune. With each kiss from Dan Heng’s, a new feeling invaded your senses. You were home. Here with him, in this very moment. You were home in his arms. 
And you wouldn’t changed it for anything else. 
Yes, not even as March yells “I fucking knew it!” the next morning, for the whole of Xianzhou Luofu to hear, upon seeing your neck caked in love marks you had no means of hiding and your hand held tightly by Dan Heng, who only smiled back to everyone as you buried your face into his chest with shame. 
Tumblr media
233 notes · View notes
princessjojo-x · 8 months ago
Text
1st House Synastry
those who have any part of their ‘big 3’ (sun, moon or rising) in your first house, will make a strong first impression on you; you’ll find their presence memorable & compelling upon first encounters. first house is related to our individual identity so there’s an immediate recognition for each other. theres an instant attraction & special chemistry, even if partners aren’t conventionally attractive or not each others usual type. partners tend to notice & obsess over the tiny details in each other. they'll keep finding little things abt each other that they find enchanting. this creates an effect of falling for each other again & again & again. these enchanting little details build up gradually & partners become completely infatuated with each other eventually. this person will tick all the boxes you’ve been holding inside.
expect to be mesmerised with their looks & demeaner, combined with an obsessive need to know more about them, to be around them, to soak up as much of them as possible, as if to aggressively learn them. however, one partner never quite shows their true self to the other partner, meaning they only see one side of them & only know them to a certain extent.
planet feels like house is similar to them in a way - shared interests, ideas, morals, etc. consequently, planet has a natural respect for house & seeks houses approval a lot. planet feels like house moves at the same speed as them, which leads to a sense of trust & comfort in house.
through this connection, house gains new feelings or discoveries abt themselves, for better or worse.
Venus
there may be awkwardness upon first meeting bc house makes venus feels nervous. these partners always look good together aesthetically . their physical appearance just fit perfectly (barbie & ken vybz). both parties make evident the fascination they feel for each others bodies. there is a general adoration simply for who the other person is. venus especially is obsessed & mesmerised by houses appearance. venus finds house physically perfect & irresistible. this will either cause house to feel very seen & loved or cause house to perceive the rxship as superficial & empty. for example, venus being completely turned off just bc house got a bad haircut. also, depending on how low or high venus’s self esteem is, once venus becomes comfortable around house, they may become envious & critical towards houses looks & image. venus may keep making comments on houses body, reminding house of their flaws. venus may feel like house isn’t truly ever enough. house may feel like venus puts them on an unrealistic pedestal & they always have to be “perfect” around venus. this aspect can make either party be in denial abt the breakup or the rejection. they tend to become stalkers, for example lurking on their social media or even following them home.
Mars
due to the aries influence, this is likely a feisty & electric couple, privately & publicly. both parties want to seize the dominant role & one assumes the other likes to provoke them. you may feel the confident & masculine energy emitted by your partner & you’ll either find it arousing or excessive. house may often annoy mars unintentionally & mars may often lack sensitivity towards house. this clash can lead to hurt feelings & even violence. outsiders struggle to understand this complicated dynamic. you may become more verbally combative & physically tense around this person. therefore, this aspect is best for those attracted to assertive & martian energy, otherwise you may view your partner as arrogant or bossy. within this synastry, there isn’t necessarily romantic compatibility but there is definitely physical connection. for example, saying "i hate you" & kissing each other right after. sex is very passionate & powerful, with rough & competitive air. initially, mars is instantly turned on by house & its often a superficial attraction. consequently, mars readily pursues house with a straightforward approach. mars’s passion captures houses attention & house feels either intrigued or irritated. however, if mars has a inferiority complex, due to feeling threatened by house, mars will resist making a move, even though both partners usually struggle hiding their feelings or intentions from one another. house brings out the protective, jealous & possessive side of mars. this partnership may alter houses identify bc mars can motivate & urge house to be the best version of themselves. house develops more passion, assertiveness, confidence, bravery & ambition due to mars’s influence. however, if mars has low self esteem, they’ll become envious & critical towards houses image. mars may keep making comments on houses appearance & reminding house of their flaws. (cancer mars or taurus asc)
Moon
there’s plenty of emotional openness in this caring & gentle rxship. there’s no ‘get to know each other’ phase, partners instantly *know* one another from the first meeting & feel very comfortable around each other. partners easily let the guards down & struggle to keep secrets from one another. partners will be each other's lending ear & lending shoulder. they know eachothers sensitive spots & what topics to avoid. this aspect brings out partners protective side but it’s more of a calm, delicate & emotional protection. for example, worrying abt each others health & well-being. this connection make you more likely to find the other person’s quirks as endearing rather than off-putting. initially, partners are very curious abt one another. they want to see what more there is than what meets the eye. partners may share similarities causing them to understand & accept one another easily. they may have familiar forms of behaviour & mirror each others temperamental tendencies. house holds the ability to easily read moon & house understands moon better than anyone else. since house makes moon feel so seen & heard, moon easily let’s their guard down around house. moon’s openness arouses the nurturing & sensitive side of house. there is something abt the way moon looks or acts that makes house feel immediately safe & calm. (cancer moon or aries asc)
305 notes · View notes
giantmushyfriend · 1 year ago
Text
Welcome back to the Ineffable lyric discussion (can I hear a wahoo)
In honor of the announcement of season 3 of our beloved Good Omens, I find it completely necessary for us to discuss one of the many songs on Aziraphale and Crowley's angelic playlist that made me scream my bloody head off. One of those songs is the one and only The Book of Love by Peter Gabriel. While I UNDERSTAND this song may have just been chosen to spell out SEASON THREE, I think it goes much deeper than that because of all of the parallels it draws to Aziraphale and Crowley. And ultimately, what I think is going to happen in terms of their relationship when they finally sort their shit out. So beware if you haven't watched season 2 of Good Omens because we're about to do a fucking DEEP DIVE into this.
First, the title of the Book of Love feels almost like a call to this looming threat to the Book of Life that was consistently used in series 2. The entire season, Crowley and Aziraphale have to work oh so carefully because with the Book of Life being confirmed, they know that either of them could get the other erased, and whether they want to admit it or not, losing the other is their biggest fear. We've seen this when Crowley believed Aziraphale to be dead in Series 1 when he couldn't feel Aziraphale's presence anymore since he got incorporated. When Aziraphale isn't there, Crowley is a mess. Likewise, we saw how both reacted during the ineffable divorce scene in series 2. Crowley is full-on begging Aziraphale to stay, and Aziraphale has finally admitted that he needs Crowley and full-on mouths for Crowley not to leave him. The Book of Life inherently, from how Neil set it up, feels threatening. The Book of Love, on the other hand, raises an entirely other reaction. Throughout the series, as corny as it sounds, love has been what grounds our protagonists. It is the love of Tadfeild and his friends that keeps Adam from kickstarting the end of the world; it's what keeps him from rejecting his father, the literal devil. It is the love of the earth, of humanity and all its strange creations, and for each other that keeps Aziraphale and Crowley attempting to prevent the end of the world when it could be so much easier to just accept the fate of it all. Love is the key theme that grounds our protagonists, that makes them tick. Love is safe; love is, at times, painful but overall kind. So when we see this title on their playlist, listed amongst heartwrenching tales of grieving a relationship, you could have had, and of loss, it brings a sense of salvation and safety. The Book of Love, unlike the Book of Life, is not a threat- it's a sanctuary for Aziraphale and Crowley.
Now, diving into the lyrics.
"The book of love is long and boring
No one can lift the damn thing
It's full of charts and facts, and figures, and instructions for dancing
But I
I love it when you read to me.
And you
You can read me anything"
The first couple of verses inherently feel like Aziraphale and Crowley's original view on this notion of love. As two supernatural entities who aren't bound by human emotion or logic, love may seem superficial and downright silly at times. The courting procedures that different societies have taken on throughout the centuries and the songs and dances that come along with it may all seem like a big waste. The book of love is a manifestation of love itself, and originally, it seems unappetizing to our protagonists. That is until they refind each other, and love goes from this thing that humans feel and jump through hoops for to this tidal wave of emotions. Love felt silly and unrealistic before, but with each other, they are willing and excited to explore it, even if it comes with things that feel inherently silly.
Also, these verses draw some cute parallels to headcanons and features of cannons. If you've been involved in the Good Omens fandom long enough, you've probably stumbled across the idea that Crowley asks Aziraphale to read to him for a multitude of different reasons. Some people say it's because his eyes aren't meant to read, one of the many punishments that came with him being cast down from grace, or maybe it's just because he finds Aziraphale's voice comforting. Additionally, the line about instructions for dancing is just so heartwarming when we look at the ball scene from this past season and Aziraphale's daydreams of a romance worthy of a Jane Austin novel.
"The book of love is long and boring
And written very long ago
It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
Adn things we're all too young to know
but I
I love it when you give me things
and you
You ought to give me wedding rings"
I'm sure we've all heard this idea that you'll understand love when you get older, but even when you get older, it never seems to make sense. This idea that love is too old for any of us to truly understand, and that humbles us but in the best way possible. There is no point in trying to figure out what exactly love is because you could spend thousands of years feeling it and watching it happen all around you and still not know exactly what it is besides this all-encompassing feeling. And that is exactly the perspective of Aziraphale and Crowley. They have seen countless examples of love, true, unwavering love, and they have felt it for each other. And yet they themselves cannot begin to fathom what love, true unconditional love, is exactly. These two supernatural, ethereal/occult beings are humbled by the very concept of love like humans are- and that love is drawn from each other.
And then there is this notion of giving, which pairs so well with Crowley's primary love language, acts of service and gift giving. If the first chorus was Crowley talking about how he loves it when Aziraphale reads to him and takes care of him, then this is Aziraphale talking about how Crowley displays his love. And this final notion of asking for that final commitment, one of the key ways humans express their love for each other, is just amazing. Because in a way, Aziraphale moving to make this commitment, to fully be on their side in this way, is the resolution we have been wanting since the beginning. For Aziraphale to finally feel safe enough to let go and finally let himself settle to where he finally belongs, on his side with Crowley.
414 notes · View notes
venerawrites · 5 months ago
Note
Heyyyyyyy saw you're ask was open and jumped with joy!!!!
I have a request; for how Viktor or Jinx would react to reader fainting from exhaustion!, angsty and fluffy!!..love you're stuff ❤️❤️❤️
author's note: oh my, you are so sweet, thank you! This was such an interesting request to write and also my first one for Jinx, so I really hope you like it and I did your expectations justice! Thank you for requesting! <3
Tumblr media
➤ Viktor
Working late side by side was not an unusual occurrence for you and Viktor. You often found yourselves in the lab way past closing hours and you even fell asleep on the corner sofa on numerous occasions.
While you were used to hard work, your recent project on trying to find a way for the Hexcore to react with organic matter has really taken its toll on you. You and Viktor spend hours experimenting, without a break and barely eating any food during the day.
Being completely engrossed in his work, it did take a few days (and maybe a small comment from Jayce) for Viktor to notice your malnourished look - the dark bags under your eyes, the unusual greyish colour of your skin
He tried everything to make you stop your work on the project - from trying to convince you to stay at home and proposing for him to take a few days break with you, to actually having arguments day after day about how he doesn't want you to experiment on the Hexcore anymore and he is giving it up altogether.
Being even more stubborn than him, you refused to abandon your work, knowing how high the stakes were. And this is how one day, after another long day, you felt you were almost there when suddenly everything went blurry and you felt yourself falling back...
Viktor was on his way back from a meeting with Jayce when he felt some nagging feeling at the pit of his stomach. He was not one to be superficial or anything, but deep down he knew something was wrong.
Once he opened the door and found you laying next to your desk, a trail of blood coming from the side of your head, forming a little pool on the ground, he felt his whole breath being taken away.
In his rush to get to you, he threw away his crutch, limping a few steps, before falling on his knees. Not giving up, he crawled to your unconscious form on his knees, cradling you in his lap once he was in an arm's reach.
"No, no, please! Wake up!", he shook your form, before lifting his head toward the door, "Help! Somebody help! Please!"
Luckily for him, Jayce and some of the enforcers were still on the same floor and once they heard his distressed calls, they immediately ran toward your lab and brought you to the hospital.
Viktor is a gentle and kind man, who loves you more than anything in his world, but he does have a problem expressing his thoughts and fears. So while he was crazy worried about your health, despite all the promises from the nurses that you are going to be fine, he felt a rising mix of frustration and annoyance bubbling inside of him. Why can't you just listen to him for once?
After you woke up a few hours later, he was happy to see you finally conscious, but even that did not save you from the long lecture he gave you about how you never listen to him, how you don't care about your health, and how Hexcore has brought nothing, but pain and issues for you.
He then exits the room for a few hours and while he remains in the hospital, he uses the opportunity to get some fresh air and gather his thoughts. He knows he sounded harsher than intended, but he just didn't know how to word his worry for you.
You were released the next day and instructed to stay home, and while you tried to convince Viktor that you were fit to go back to work, he was having none of it. He took you straight home and he took a few days off himself, so he can take care of you.
He never apologized for his sharp words in the hospital, but you knew how sorry he was based on the way he was treating you, getting you everything you asked for, cooking you dinner, and doing all the chores, despite being in a poor health himself.
He will try to keep your mind busy by organising "book dates" on the sofa, where you read to each other, or by competing with you while playing board/card games (he totally let's you win, by the way.)
Please don't be mad because he is not good with words - he loves you more than his own life, which is why he is set to give up on the Hexcore project once and for all after seeing what it did to you.
➤ Jinx
Keeping up with Jinx was a tiring task - the young woman had such high energy, that she was hyperactive a good 80% of the time. She was always running around, making different trinkets or weapons, or drawing on the buildings of Zaun.
You, on the other hand, were more relaxed and laid-back. It's not like you were in bed all day, but you didn't like to be rushed, neither you liked to be always on the move. If anything, you preferred to spend your time cuddled next to Jinx after a long day of work, rather than run around the Undercity.
But life has been difficult for both of you recently since Violet came back and the blue-haired girl needed you more than ever. While she tried to act normal around you, you could hear her mumbling stuff about her sister in her sleep and when you were out together, she kept looking around, almost paranoid.
You tried to support her in the best way you knew how - with physical affection and also being glued to her side 24/7. She did have abandonment issues and she never liked to be left alone, but recently she was extra clingy around you.
Her energetic lifestyle, however, proved to be a bite too big for you to chew, and only after 2 days of spending your time only with her and accompanying her on her little 'missions', you felt absolutely exhausted. Not only you couldn't get more than a few hours of sleep each night, but you also barely had the time to eat, as you were constantly on the move.
Too engrossed in her attempts to run away from her memories, she didn't notice how you were becoming weaker and weaker in front of your eyes. So when one day she came back home, ready to give you a piece of her mind for leaving her waiting for you for over an hour, she was shocked to find you passed out on her desk, completely unconscious.
Many emotions passed through her at that moment - fear, confusion, disbelief - and for a while, she just stood frozen in place, looking at you with wide eyes. Cautiously, she walked next to you and tried to shake your shoulders gently.
"Bam-Bam, are you asleep? Hello?", her shakes got more energetic with every second of you not responding, "Shit! Bam-Bam! Please be okay, please be okay..."
Despite looking pretty short and slim, Jinx has always been pretty strong, especially with her hands. Scooping you in her arms, she quickly made her way to Silco's office, unsure where else to go. She knew that he was somewhat reserved when it came to your relationship, but at the moment he was the closest and the most convenient option.
Practically barging into his office and not bothered at all by the fact that he was in a meeting with Sevika, she laid you on the couch and started rambling about what your plans for the day were and all the events that happened since the morning till the moment she found you on the floor.
Luckily for her, Sevika has dealt with many people who have fainted from exhaustion before (mainly Shimmer workers). After checking your breathing and pulse, she picked you up and decided to move you to one of the free bedrooms on the floor so you could rest.
Of course, Jinx did not want to leave your side, but as she tried to follow the older woman, she was stopped by Silco who claimed you need some time by yourself, so you could rest and that he would have someone checking on you periodically.
She was furious - she wanted to be by your side and she didn't like that she was being kept away. What would you think once you woke up and she was not there? So while initially she agreed to let you rest, the moment Silco left "The Last Drop" for business, she immediately ran to the room you were in.
You woke up a few hours later only to find her trembling on the chair next to you, bouncing her knee up and down with rapid speed, while her head was buried in her hands. Blue hair was sticking out from her braids in every direction, while her nails were digging almost painfully into her scalp. Once she heard her name falling weakly out of your lips, she jumped from the chair and circled her hands around you, prepping your face with small kisses. She kept apologizing for not taking care of you, for not noticing how exhausted you had been for the past few days, and promising she would be better for you, as long as you don't leave her.
For the next few days she stayed glued to your side, insisting she needed to help you eat, change, and shower, and every time Sevika or Silco tried to pull her away, she would get both angry and upset. Eventually, they just let her do whatever she wanted, while also making sure you were recovering well.
Despite Jinx denying it, you knew her mind was partly occupied by Vi and her presence in Zaun. You tried to convince her that everything was going to be okay and that you would help her find her sister, but every time she just shook her head, saying that the only person she cared about was you. Deep down, she did blame Vi for what happened to you - if she hadn't decided to randomly pop in the Undercity after so many years, she wouldn't be so stressed and shocked, and you would've been fine.
Jinx becomes even more clingy with you after this and she will nag you to eat, drink, and rest all the time (despite not doing it herself). This girl loves you and while she can't really change who she is, she will try her best to slow down, take a breath and enjoy her time with you without the constant rush and adrenaline.
cc artwork: Max Suleimanov
243 notes · View notes
learnyouabiology · 2 years ago
Text
Fun Fact: Hognose snakes are dramatic lil guys!
I am particularly fond of the snakes known as hognose snakes, and my reasons are both understandable and correct.
This is a hognose snake:
Tumblr media
(They received their name by having the sweetest lil snoot to ever require a boop – image source)
They use these adorable snoots to burrow under sandy soil using a sort of nuzzle-y motion. They then use these burrows as a place to sleep at night, hibernate in the winter, and lay their eggs. 
Tumblr media
(you could say they’re into... the Underground Scene! ...ok yeah i’ll show myself out – image source)
Plus, they come in a variety of delightful colours!
We've got brown! Beige! Yellow! Black! Red! Orange! Tan! Kinda greenish! Orange again!
Tumblr media
(pretty sneks! – Here’s all the image sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
And, to be clear, the snakes pictured above are wild snakes. No selective breeding by humans in these noodly bois! At least, not in these specific individuals. probably. I guess a few of them could be escapees... 
But most importantly: These snakes know the true meaning of DRAMA
Hognose snakes are actors, first and foremost. When they feel threatened, the first thing they do is puff out their neck into a hood. 
Tumblr media
(like cobras, this hood is made by FLEXING THEIR NECK RIBS. which: gross – image source x)
This superficially makes them look like a cobra, but what they’re actually trying to do is make themselves seem bigger, and therefore scarier. Possibly those dark spots on their neck helps with that! 
Any resemblance to real-life Eurasian cobras, real or fictional, is purely coincidental
Also, it makes its mouth do this:
Tumblr media
(Snakes that SCREAAAAAAAM. – image source)
honestly, if I didn’t already know that hognose snakes were harmless, this would ABSOLUTELY make me leave it the hell alone 
But if all of that^ is unsuccessful at scaring away the predator, the hognose snake pulls its signature move: playing dead
If you think that is a lame signature move, then you are wrong, because hognose snakes put EVERYTHING into their performance and I love them for it.
Tumblr media
(they’re serious, they’ll do it!  – image source)
((I’m actually going to stick the rest of this under a read-more, bc the pictures of the alive-and-physically-fine hognose snakes do kind of look like a legitimately-dead hognose snake, if you don’t know what to look for. 
So, uh: cw for a snake being too good at pretending to be dead))
Behold: a series of completely healthy, unharmed snakes!!!
Tumblr media
(to help with their self-esteem, we ask that you at least pretend to believe that they are dead – image sources 1, 2, 3, 4)
Honestly, the photos don’t do it justice. Here’s my favourite video of the whole wonderous performance: 
youtube
But to review:
There's writhing! There's dramatic noises! There's flipping onto their back and opening their mouth wide and letting their tongue hang out! There's excreting a combination of  intentionally smelly substances!!! Truly a master of the art of being left the hell alone (*^▽^*)
Tumblr media
(yep. deeeeefinitely dead. not just faking it. nothing worth eating here! – image source)
Personally, my favourite part of this is how they insist on rolling onto their back, even when they are rolled back onto their stomach. 
Seriously, if you try to roll them right-side-up, they will flip back over. It's as though they believe that a good, proper dead snek MUST be on its back, obviously.
Tumblr media
(truly fearsome – image source)
Sadly, the hognose snake may have made itself too scary, according to humans.
Out of fear, these snakes are commonly killed on sight 😔. I once heard someone proudly brag about how they’d killed a dozen cobras! In southern Ontario! Where cobras do not live! This is both extremely frustrating and deeply sad.
Tumblr media
(safe enough to hold! although maybe don’t, just because this snake IS probably experiencing mortal fear, which is not a good feeling – image source © Dean Stavrides)
So just to highlight: hognose snakes are completely harmless. They’re just pretending to be fearsome!
(not that people should be killing venomous snakes either, imo. Let the danger noodles LIVE THEIR LIVES)
Tumblr media
(i is baybee, pls do not hurt me – image source)
And now some bonus facts to help raise us out of that downer:
Hognose snakes are toad specialists! Their favourite food is toads, which is unusual, because toads are poisonous. Hognose snakes deal with this by force of will and also, at least two amino acid substitutions, maybe (Mohammadi et al. 2016). Possibly a few other things help with this, also (Feldman et al. 2016).
Tumblr media
(is snek eat toad? or does toad wearing cape of snek? impossible to tell, really – image source)
Also, I have a confession: hognose snakes... are venomous. Technically.
Tumblr media
(itty bitty little fangs at the veeeeery back of their mouth!  – image source)
They are known as rear-fanged snakes, which means they have fangs aaaall the way at the back of their mouth. The venom they produce seems to be toad-specific, and is considered to be harmless to humans unless you happen to have an allergy but that's the exception rather than the rule
Tumblr media
(the two hognose species. They are both baybee, but in different ways actually there might be more than two species but these are the two i’ve actually learned about so ALL WELL   – image source)
Also, hognose snakes are big cowards NOT aggressive and I've never even heard of anyone getting bit by a one (outside of one feeding mishap, which we can all agree was an ACCIDENT). 
The series of events that would need to occur for you to be envenomated are so unlikely and bizarre that I assume you would have to be TRYING to get bit.
This has been Fun Fact Friday, bringing you the forbidden noodly boys to try and keep them a little more safe!
.....................................................................
Sources, because I know me and SO DO YOU:
Averill-Murray, R. C. (2006). Natural history of the western hog-nosed snake (Heterodon nasicus) with notes on envenomation. Sonoran Herpetologist, 19(9), 98-101.
Buchanan, Scott W.; Timm, Brad C.; Cook, Robert P.; Couse, Richard; Hazard, Lisa C. (2017). Spatial ecology and habitat selection of eastern hognose snakes. The Journal of Wildlife Management, 81(3), 509–520. doi:10.1002/jwmg.21218 
CHS: Canadian Herpetological Society https://canadianherpetology.ca/species/species_page.html?cname=Eastern%20Hog-nosed%20Snake
COSEWIC. 2021. COSEWIC assessment and status report on the Eastern Hog-nosed Snake Heterodon platirhinos in Canada. Committee on the Status of Endangered Wildlife in Canada. Ottawa. xi + 45 pp.  https://www.canada.ca/en/environment-climate-change/services/species-risk-public-registry/cosewic-assessments-status-reports/eastern-hog-nosed-snake-2021.html
Cunnington, G. M., & Cebek, J. E. (2005). Mating and nesting behavior of the eastern hognose snake (Heterodon platirhinos) in the northern portion of its range. The American midland naturalist, 154(2), 474-478.
Feldman, C. R., Durso, A. M., Hanifin, C. T., Pfrender, M. E., Ducey, P. K., Stokes, A. N., ... & Brodie Jr, E. D. (2016). Is there more than one way to skin a newt? Convergent toxin resistance in snakes is not due to a common genetic mechanism. Heredity, 116(1), 84-91. 
 Jared, C., Luiz Mailho‐Fontana, P., & Maria Antoniazzi, M. (2021). Differences between poison and venom: An attempt at an integrative biological approach. Acta Zoologica, 102(4), 337-350.
Liu, C., Chen, Y., Zheng, Y., Bo, J., Yang, C., Xu, S., & Zhang, S. (2022). Wear Resistance Improvement of Keeled Structure and Overlapped Distribution of Snake Scales. Journal of Bionic Engineering, 1-11. Citing abstract.
Mohammadi, S., Gompert, Z., Gonzalez, J., Takeuchi, H., Mori, A., & Savitzky, A. H. (2016). Toxin-resistant isoforms of Na+/K+-ATPase in snakes do not closely track dietary specialization on toads. Proceedings of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, 283(1842), 20162111. 
 Nature Conservancy of Canada: https://www.natureconservancy.ca/en/what-we-do/resource-centre/featured-species/reptiles-and-amphibians/eastern-hog-nosed-snake.html
Plummer, M. V., & Mills, N. E. (1996). Observations on trailing and mating behaviors in hognose snakes (Heterodon platirhinos). Journal of Herpetology, 30(1), 80-82.
Rouse, Jeremy D.; Willson, Robert J.; Black, Ron; Brooks, Ronald J.  (2011). Movement and Spatial Dispersion of Sistrurus catenatus and Heterodon platirhinos: Implications for Interactions with Roads. Copeia, 2011(3), 443–456. doi:10.1643/ce-09-036     
Seburn, D. 2008. Recovery Strategy for the Eastern Hog-nosed Snake (Heterodon platirhinos) in Canada. Species at Risk Act Recovery Strategy Series. Parks Canada Agency, Ottawa. vi + 24pp.
Schwartz, V. & D. Golden (2002). Field Guide to Reptiles and Amphibians of New Jersey. New Jersey Division of Fish and Wildlife
VHS: Virginia herpetological society http://www.virginiaherpetologicalsociety.com/reptiles/snakes/eastern-hog-nosed-snake/eastern_hognose_snake.php#:~:text=Heterodon%20is%20derived%20from%20the%20Greek%20words%20heteros,meaning%20%22broad%20or%20flat%22%20and%20rhinos%20meaning%20%22snout%22
Young, R. A. (1992). Effects of Duvernoy's gland secretions from the eastern hognose snake, Heterodon platirhinos, on smooth muscle and neuromuscular junction. Toxicon, 30(7), 775-779. https://doi.org/10.1016/0041-0101(92)90013-U
Young, B. A., & Morain, M. (2003). Vertical burrowing in the Saharan sand vipers (Cerastes). Copeia, 2003(1), 131-137.
SARA: threatened https://www.canada.ca/en/environment-climate-change/services/species-risk-public-registry.html
2K notes · View notes
nanabansama · 10 months ago
Text
Card Set Hanakotoba
Tumblr media
Recently I was discussing with my lovely friend @istoleyourboat about the meanings behind the flowers in this new card set, and I felt the urge to chronicle them somewhere! I thought you guys might get a kick out of it, too, so this seemed as good a place as any to put it.
So without further ado...
1. Hanako-kun - Queen of the Night
Tumblr media
The Queen of the Night (月下美人) is a cactus flower that blooms just once a year for a single night. Because of this, the most heavily associated meanings with the flower are "transient beauty", "fleeting love," and "the urge to see someone just once."
The short-lived life of this flower feels quite fitting for our ghosty boy! I also like how the flower looks both beautiful and unsettling...all around a fantastic choice by AidaIro.
2. Nene Yashiro - Strawberry Blossoms
Tumblr media
If you have paid attention to the Hanakotoba in TBHK before, then Nene being associated with strawberries should be nothing new to you. Regardless, the prevalent Hanakotoba for Strawberry Blossoms (イチゴ) are "love," "innocence," and "you make me happy."
The "you make me happy" one makes me want to kick my feet around and squeal a little. Isn't that cute!? I also feel the strawberry is especially fitting for Nene because it seems like something she would grow in her Gardening Club.
3. Kou - Clivia
Tumblr media
Otherwise known by the names Bush Lily or Natal Lily, the Hanakotoba for Clivia (君子蘭) are "sincere," "noble" and "good-hearted."
I think this all fits very nicely with our resident good boy Kou, hm?
4. Teru - Bird of Paradise
Tumblr media
The Bird of Paradise (ストレリチア) symbolizes "faithfulness," "magnificence," "a bright future" and "superficial love."
Even at a glance this flower really pops out at you, making it a great fit for the ever-impressive Teru. I really, really love this choice!!
5. Sakura - Hellebore
Tumblr media
Otherwise known as the Christmas Rose, the Hellebore (クリスマスローズ) represents "reminiscence," "never forget me" and "notice my woes."
The way this beautiful flower seems to cast its head down makes it look almost sad. I suppose that's why it has such pitiful meanings associated with it!
6. Natsuhiko - King Protea
Tumblr media Tumblr media
King Protea (キングプロテア), also known as the Sugarbush, symbolizes "strength," "courage," "resilience," and "a king's quality."
If you notice, Natsuhiko always has a little crown-shaped tuft hidden in his hair, so AidaIro associating Natsuhiko with a flower that references royalty pleases me. There's still a lot of mystery surrounding him, but we can at least confirm that Natsuhiko is, indeed, strong and resilient.
(Edit: the flower might be a crysanthemum (菊) instead! Crysanthemums represent the imperial family of Japan, so the association with royalty is still present. The red crysanthemum is a symbol of love.)
7. Akane - Ivy
Tumblr media
The plain, non-flowering ivy stands out in stark contrast to the other plants here, but that's because the hanakotoba for it is just that good. Ivy (ヘデラ) means "everlasting love," "I take this feeling to the afterlife," "faithfulness", and "marriage."
Like, if that doesn't scream Akane, I don't know what does.
8. Aoi - Hydrangea
Tumblr media
Again, if you've been paying attention to Hanakotoba in the series, this will not be the first time you've seen Aoi paired with hydrangea. Regardless, hydrangea (アジサイ) represents "enduring love," "mystique," and "fickleness."
The hydrangea is also associated with rejection, more specifically the coldness of a person who rejects the romantic advances of another. It's just such a perfect Aoi flower, there's no wonder AidaIro is so attached to it.
💐🌸🌼🌻🌷🌹🥀🌺
Thank you for reading till the end! And I urge you to look up these flowers yourself and see if you can find any meaning to them I may have missed. You might find something brilliant that I completely overlooked!
284 notes · View notes
clairdelunelove · 2 years ago
Text
cigarettes and exchanges
simon 'ghost' riley x reader
genre: fluff! (smoking drabble!)
warnings: slightly suggestive, cursing, smoking, suave!ghost
synopsis: ghost understands that his cigarette addiction is getting out of hand. but, in his defense, he's just never had a motive to quit! you offer to help and perhaps your new reward system will work for the lieutenant!
a.n. this could be read as a continuation to 'frosty kisses' or a standalone! and no, I typically don't like when men smoke but will I make an exception for ghost? yes. I hope you lovelies are doing well! let me know what you think about this headcanon I have for him heh! here's my kofi! <3
-
-
Tumblr media
-
been pondering about ghost’s inclination to smoke a cigarette whenever he’s stressed and how you might’ve found a better alternative– one that he craves even more.
-
another operation typically meant an increased likelihood of risking a multitude of unknowing, blind lives– an embittered fact that accompanies the line of duty he’s in. it’s a cruel contract that he’s familiar with yet the guilt never dissolves. in truth, it’s the torture of bad conscience that he can never shake off. he shoulders through resting recruits, footsteps heavy on the patchy floorboards while weaving clear of the crowd. some shift on their feet to avoid being pummeled by his powerful gait as he makes a beeline to the door. it’s assumed that such a strong reaction from the man would raise alarm but no one pays him any mind– aware of the lieutenant’s ache for solitude after the completion of a mission. whispers of his infamous smoke break settled amongst the lips of veteran recruits. and truthfully, it acts as a deliberate retreat that he wouldn’t commit to in the public eye. stepping outside and gazing into the abyss was an escape from the detached facade he gives into when he slips into a role of leadership. a position that’s necessary yet promises contempt– an emotion that not even he could run away from.  
ghost who perceives that his reliance on cigarettes is a bad habit he should break. knows that he could quit, in all honesty, since his self-discipline was so tenacious that many envied him for it. was never tempted with superficial vices that other task force members sought after. however, cigarettes are a psychological and chemical crutch that he’s been unwilling to drop. and he’s wise enough to realize that the chemicals do more harm than good to his body but it serves as a form of self-medication for him. helps him deal with wartime stress– the unyielding tension and restless nerves that disturbed his rare nights of sleep. reasons that his thoughts are clearer whenever he pulls out his lighter. he rationalizes that his incessant, troubled mind is finally hushed. lulled to rest. all he has to do is flip open that little white box and he’s instantly rewarded with the one predictable outcome in his life. 
ghost who wordlessly offers a spare cigarette to you when your figure slips beside him. his gloved fingers pinch at the small roll as he outstretches it towards you. you shake your head, muttering a gentle, “no, thank you though,” and he wittingly predicts the polite decline. there was nothing else you could’ve requested from him at this moment. food, entertainment, and rest were all found within the base– not outside. he rocks back on his heels. your tendency to keep him company is a habit you’re guilty of. not that he minds. recalls a similar scene that unfolded the night before the new year. and he’s aware that your lingering is intentional; as deliberate as the giggles that he manages to pull out of you during these softer times. the companionship sparks a fervor in him. one that he’s compelled to cultivate and cherish with you. 
ghost who rumbles, “your life expectancy just went way up then, pup,” due to your unwillingness to smoke. it’s a praise. don’t engage in the faults he has. you’re too pure for that. his heavy-lidded eyes spot the tinge of a smile dancing on your lips on behalf of the nickname. satisfaction burns within him. possessiveness claws at him. needs to get his mind off of the strong emotions. grasping at the lower edge of his balaclava, he tugs the darkened fabric up and neatly folds it over the slant of his nose. it’s not the first time he’s been partially unmasked with you. presumes that you wouldn’t actively question his identity and throw him into a crisis. yet, your curiosity magnifies to unveil the enigma that is simon ‘ghost’ riley, your lieutenant, who unknowingly causes your stomach to excitedly flip and churn with every interaction. 
ghost who turns away from you to place the cigarette in his mouth. it balances atop his full lips, a position so enticing that you’re willing to trade places with the inanimate object, and ultimately quell the yearning. his other hand fondles the box of cigarettes. “you can always replace the cigarettes with a new reward system, ya know,” you suggest. your voice is light, dipping on the last syllable, and he understands that you mean well. yet, he raises a dark eyebrow while flicking on his engraved lighter. connecting the cigarette to the end of it, there’s a satisfying burn before he deeply inhales. a cloud of misty smoke swirls around you even if he shifts away. the stench intermingling with your sweet fragrance and lingering. a sort of imprint that brands you as his. your gaze flits over to him to eagerly trace the fair, sharp jawline that’s visible without the guise, and you sputter, “like having something sweet. I heard people quit smoking by chewing bubblegum or having lollipops.”  
ghost who curiously prods, “somethin’ as sweet as you?” and the idle thumping in your chest accelerates into hammering when his gaze locks onto yours. his teasing is too sudden. you stiffen at the inviting drawl of his voice and the mannerism is one that he’s too familiar with. his eyes skim the soft features of your face, noting your skittish behavior, and deems it necessary to compose himself a bit. doesn’t wish to scare you off. but he’s pleasantly surprised to hear you ask, “you think I’m sweet, lieutenant?” his gloved fingers lift the cigarette to his lips again to take another long drag, “oh, I think we both know the answer to that, pup.” another mention of the nickname– another wave of heat rushing to your core. the statement throws you into a frenzy because his deep-set eyes seem more fitting for the bedroom and the revelation has you internally scolding yourself for the stray path your mind takes. 
ghost who’s unaware that it’s his turn to be as motionless as a marble statue when you edge closer. speculated that the rancid cigarette smoke would dampen that sugary aroma that invades his senses when you’re in his proximity. it doesn’t. just promotes the stark difference since it’s a specific scent he traces back to you. always causes his skin to tingle whenever he catches a whiff. a curse abruptly leaves his lips when he’s broken out of his reverie. your hand settles on the center of his chest, a tender touch that compels him to trail his gaze to your face. makes no effort to halt your movements. why should he when you’re the root of all his desires? immediately, his brain conjures up an arrogant remark; a natural reaction to his usual encounters. however, when he drags his eyes to yours and perceives that your usually bright eyes are hooded– he’s silent. 
ghost who allows you to push yourself up on your toes and pluck the cigarette from his mouth. doesn’t even manage to get another drag of it. never finds himself craving for it once it’s taken from him. instead, he’s fixed to the spot while you stare at his lips, revealing a small scar blending in with a muted shade of pink. your thumb gingerly brushes against the meager feature. a detail that is so ardently ghost. the rather concealed scar ignites something affectionate between the two of you. a shared secret that he’s let only you uncover. you slide your fingers underneath the sharp curve of his jaw and the gentle touch seizes his attention. pressing close to the juncture of his neck, you murmur, “let's exchange your cigarette for something sweeter, yeah?”   
ghost who stifles a groan of satisfaction when your glossy lips finally press against his cheek. warmth blossoms in his chest. fiery sparks, a discerned emotion that he thought he had lost, set him alight. for once, he’s rejoicing at the mere coincidence of being partially unmasked. and when he conceived that this overwhelming rush was fulfilled, you stunned him again by pressing another delicate kiss dangerously close to the corner of his lips– directly where his scar was. “a prize whenever you don’t smoke,” you propose while pulling away. he curses a resounding, “fuck.” it was dizzying. a singular glance was all you needed to discover that he’s completely flushed from your touches. his breathing is uneven too, teetering on what some would call desperate. drawn out and amplified. however, if that’s what he is– for you– then so be it. ghost was free-falling. plunging into another bad habit. a dependence that he’s afraid is more addicting and chronic than nicotine. you.  
ghost who hums deliciously low, “playing a dangerous game here.” his voice invokes a shiver within you. a sweltering heat crawls up your face, lingering at the uppermost part of your cheeks. the vowels dripped from his tongue like honeyed venom and you caught it. stored it, like it was fundamental to your existence. before you can withdraw, a strong hand encloses around your wrist. the touch is sure and solid– undoubtedly his. and when you peer at him, he’s admiring you through thick, pale lashes. his eyes are like silvered stone, cutting through all your defenses as his focus darts along your face. mapping– no– sketching out your softest features for the sake of his pleasure. the pleasure of admiring art. 
ghost who then raises the hand that’s gripping the box of cigarettes, notably to gain your attention, and tosses it behind his shoulder. the cardboard carton falls to the floor with a muffled thud. and in the span of a couple seconds, ghost completely eradicates his dependence on cigarettes. the promise of something sweeter causing him to reconsider and amend for all the time he could’ve spent smothered in your syrupy kisses. he leans to graze his lips against a sensitive spot in your neck, his nose nudging at the tantalizing crevice of skin. without the barrier of his mask, you’re hyper-aware of the greedy nip that ghost leaves and he’s awarded with a breathy exhale escaping your glossy lips. anticipates the way your knees buckle but he easily steadies you. he hums, dark and encouraging, at the receptive noise. fancies hearing it regularly. surely reserved just for him. you distinctly sense a corner of his lips tug upward once they’re on your neck again and he questions, “gonna give me ‘nother prize now, sweetheart?” 
2K notes · View notes
ram018 · 4 months ago
Text
Analysis on the closet scene | Ep. 101 - Nevermore.
Tumblr media
I find this scene to be very meaningful. Not just on a superficial level, but also on a deep and symbolic one.
In this analysis ramble, I'll try to give my perspective on some of the elements and symbols I find interesting regarding how this scene is written. Particularly, when narrating the conflict Annabel Lee is facing in this situation.
Sorry for any mistakes! English is not my first language. Now, let's start!
1 | About Annabel Lee.
Tumblr media
Annabel Lee is one of the most, if not the most, multifaceted character in this comic.
She hides herself constantly, to the point where we barely see her true self showing unless when she's with Lenore... or when she's alone. But around everybody else, she shows herself masked only – the mask of someone who pretends to be strong and tenacious, while actually trying to hide the fragile and sensitive human being behind it.
In order to hold this mask and keep the truth for herself –to prevent people from interfering with her plan and to protect both herself and Lenore– she's capable of doing absolutely anything. From putting Duke behind a wall to whatever it takes to achieve her goal.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Remember these panels? They're from Ep. 97! In these, Annabel Lee is being called mad and referred to as a monster by the person she loves the most, Lenore.
She bet her morality and her bonds with people on the price of protecting Lenore and escaping from Nevermore together, even if it meant getting her hands dirty... But she went so far with it that even Lenore, who knows her best, thinks she's a monster.
Her worst fear now comes true. It hits her in the deepest part of herself, reliving her most vulnerable and sensitive side, and reminding her that she's alone. Her mask, suddenly, breaks apart.
2 | About the closet.
Tumblr media
Annabel hides herself in a corner of closet.
She hides herself away, with no one noticing at first, and cries alone, concealing her vulnerability and keeping it from everybody else's sight.
Given this, we could take the closet as a metaphor of Annabel Lee's inner world – her true self, everything she keeps hidden, alongside her secret with Lenore that is now burdening her.
She cries alone, among all the clothing that is inside. We could think this as if she was surrounded by all her costumes, her masks. However, she's not wearing a mask now – It's her true self, being vulnerable behind closed doors.
The closet inside is dirty, untidy, dusty, filthy. Even Prospero, in Ep. 102, said it himself: "I shudder to think how long it's been since someone last swept out this closet". Maybe, this could be a metaphor of how unkept and disorganized Annabel's inner world is, due to having to pretend all the time to be someone she's not... As if her true self had been trapped behind those doors for ages and was finally found out purely by accident.
3 | About Prospero.
Tumblr media
In this chapter, we see a Prospero that, aside from the teamwork aspect, actually cares about Annabel Lee. Maybe not in such a deeper level -since they don't know each other that well in this part of the comic- but he does. This makes a contrast with Annabel's loneliness, since there's someone who worries about her at some level. She's not completely alone.
Tumblr media
Prospero approaches the door cautiously, thoughtfully, probably wondering what could be making that noise inside – it could be a rat as well as it could be some kind of monster.
However, it's neither a rat nor a monster he finds, but...
Tumblr media
...just Annabel Lee, in her most authentic self, finally allowing herself to be human.
Thank you for reading!
And sorry for the long post lol, I've been keeping this for months now and I just couldn't hold myself anymore haha.
I thought I had to comment on this since more than just being a scene of Prospero finding Annabel in a closet, it's about meeting and understanding for the first time the other's inner world – and the comic has both an interesting and beautiful take on this.
This is my first Tumblr post too, so I hope it was good! Now I'll come back to my cave to overanalyze any other scene of the comic back again lol.
See you around!
103 notes · View notes
linnienin · 1 year ago
Text
🖤A s t e r o i d ⁕ P a n t h e r a ⁕4 1 9 8🖤(through the signs and degrees) ~~~~~~~~~~~ Y o u r ⁕ p r e d a t o r y ⁕ e n e r g y ~~~~~~~~~~~
A warrior, a schemer, a predator. Smooth and calculated movements, planning how to kill you in complete silence. The black panther doesn't show off their plan, they only show you their claws.
🖤🐾
Tumblr media
The panther is part of the leopard family but it's easily identified because of its black mantle. Usually outcasted due to this difference, they face more difficulties in their habitat as they can't hide so well like others leopards (a black spot is easily identified by potential preys). They take the harder route, panthers also love to jump from tree to tree to assess the situation from a higher perspective. Because of those challenges, they know how to get a better understanding of their environments and know how to use it to their advantage
⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕��⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕
🖤 M y ⁕ i n t e r p r e t a t i o n :
In my opinion, Asteroid Panthera (4198) in a birth chart shows you:
⁕ How you scheme to catch your target ⁕ How you fight to gain respect ⁕ Your fighting temperament
Tumblr media
⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕
The special-0 degrees : They are THE panther🖤. Surrounded by a mysterious but fiery aura. They have qualities that resembles the ones of these felines. Could love to climb or run as a sport. Enjoy risky activities cause they crave that adrenaline rush 🔥. They could even have physical traits resembling those of a panther, like a feline type of appeal (especially if you have this asteroid in 1st house and 0°). Dominant personalities. Get easily involved in fights lol. They have a big ego and have a need to show their potential to everyone, cause they really crave recognition. Possessive but very caring. Put others needs first, cause this way they feel they're the provider and hold the power.
Celebs examples of Panthera at 0°: Simone Ashley, Jennifer Lawrence, the Weeknd, Beyoncé, Jamie Campbell Bower, Johnny Depp
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Aries / 1-13-25 degrees : Straight to the point, leaving their mark boldly 💥. Quick, harsh movements. Impulsive if triggered. Experts of both mental and physical aggression because of their experience. They never hold back to new scary trials, cause they're fearless. Incredible strategy skills, you make It looks like you come from the army lol (maybe you do!). But even if they create different plans they usually stick to one plan until the end, yes, even if it means dying on the battelfield (sometimes being fearless can make you blind to danger). Kings/queens of the territory. Insatiable warriors. Strike first, strike hard, no mercy.
Celebs examples: Amita Suman, Angelina Jolie, Charlize Theron, Emilia Clarke, Uma Thurman, Meryl Streep
Tumblr media Tumblr media
⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕
Taurus / 2-14-26 degrees : Waiting in the lair for the food to come lol🍗. Not an obvious striker. Slow but steady, plan to trap their prey with their sensuality. Da 'lazy' panther: they don't even bother to plan or think about catching their prey, they get It like this 👏. Sometimes they may appear superficial or dumb, but well, it's part of their stategy 😉. Everyone wants them because they look at them as the perfect throphy and these natives know this very well as they have a high sense of self-worth. They're silent most of the times cause they're relaxing knowing they got ya... "why you feeling ✨ jittery✨darling, i'm here with you...oh sweetie by the way, did you buy that tiara of diamonds i told you i really liked?" 👀. So pretty It hurts...yeah, hitting your self-esteem to make you fall at their feet 😏
Celebs examples: Marylin Monroe, Monica Bellucci, Elizabeth Taylor, Keanu Reeves, Naomi Campbell, Grace Jones
Tumblr media Tumblr media
⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕
Gemini / 3-15-27 degrees : Too fast you can't keep up 🌪️. You won't see them coming in any way. They are like a rap song, you're vibing until you realize the words they're speaking 😶. Funny queens/kings that kill you with their sense of humour. Rolling eyes at you, putting into discussion your crafting level as their strategy to make you feel worthless. They have beautiful nails/claws (ngl they really do). These mfk are so freaking versatile and well-rounded, they can do anything... No one knows as many things as they do. The real street smart. They make you think you dodged them but they have already 1827829292 other plans on how they could catch you, you have no escape sorrynotsorry 👋
Celebs examples: Rihanna, Beyoncé, Jamie Dornan
Tumblr media Tumblr media
⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕
Cancer / 4-16-28 degrees : Baby panthers everyones wanna protect 🥺, until you realize you should have protected yourself from them lol. So frail they could break and cut you with one of their heart's sharp broken pieces. Jumping on you by jumping on your emotions. Changing moods 24/7 to confuse you even further. Shiny deeply emotional eyes on all the time. They rarely leave their lair but when they do, you know it's trouble (cause they reached an extreme). Like the moon, they catch your attention by making themselves appear all alone, until you realize they were always in their comfortable spot and only waiting for you to get trapped by the immense darkness around. 🌚
Celebs examples: Lily Rose Depp, Chadwick Boseman
Tumblr media Tumblr media
⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕
Leo / 5-17-29 degrees : Grumpy cats that want it all *cute umpf sound*😾. Get out of their ways to catch their prey. Hella talented. Work so freaking hard to improve their skills you'll see them making a whole choreography while hunting. They catch so many people's attentions. Now they use that crowd as a fortress with no exits for their prey to escape 😘. But hurt their ego and they can take a looot of time to get back to hunting with some pride. They're the best at taking care of their people, they share the food (keep the best part for themselves tho lmaoo) and they're protective towards their loved ones. Truly fighters with a biig heart and of course they have a *dramatic showy hunting style* 💃
Celebs examples: Letitia Wright, Lupita Nyong'o, Helena Bonham Carter
Tumblr media Tumblr media
⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕
Virgo / 6-18 degrees : Peekaboo from da green bush 😶‍🌫️. Panthers with a green thumb for growing detailed organized plans. Perfectionist predators. Calculate every millimeters, every possible outcome, to the point of overthinking It all and not even starting the plan lol. Intelligent and adaptable, quick learners. Can make you think they're weak with their bodily constitution and shy because they don't speak much. Truth is, they're studying you and their surroundings. Make the best advisors, cause they can see what's missing from the bigger picture and they usually don't initiate the hunt. Stay physically behind others' backs but are mentally ages ahead. Outsmart everyone in the end (if in good form and with their doubtful part of the brain shut lol)
Celebs examples: Halle Berry, Winona Ryder
Tumblr media Tumblr media
⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕
Libra / 7-19 degrees : Graceful panthers, so poised they resemble perfect statues. And they make you believe they are that harmless...but careful not to fall for it 👀. These people don't aim directly to their prey, they get to it through others (the type to not dirty their hands lol). The glue that keeps the pack intact. They're loved by everyone, gentle smiles, kind gestures, they make sure they are pleasant to be around . Keep their outward persona all in check, constantly clean and polish their shiny fur 💅. Balanced, not too risky in their moves, they always test the waters first and adapt to the responses they get. Choose their words carefully to hit the weakest spot. Kill their prey with kindness and charisma, then offer them dessert to not feel guilty 🙃🍰
Celebs examples: Jamie Campbell Bower, Vincent Cassel, Zoe Kravitz
Tumblr media Tumblr media
⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕
Scorpio / 8-20 degrees : The arm reacher distance. No, they don't have the COVID, they have the INTIMIDATION. No one wants to mess up with them. They have the blackest and thickest and shiniest fur of them all. But they rarely show their powerful moves, all they got are rumors spreading from people that SAW. If some other naive panther try to provoke these natives out of fun, they got to be prepared to suffer from Scorpio panther's psychotic fun .This is how they get the people to respect them out of fear. Sneaky and untreceable, they're the best at erasing their fingerprints. Get into their prey's mind. Predicting every little action and elaborating a plan on it. They don't like to strike right away, but prefers to take their time with it cause they enjoy playing and see their prey's reactions to their little scary games 😈. Very private and jealous, won't share their prey with anyone.
Celebs examples: Darkota Johnson, Carrie-Anne Moss
Tumblr media Tumblr media
⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕
Sagittarius / 9-21 degrees : Can't stay still a sec. Always get in the way of other's people lol. Two panthers are fighting for the throne? Lemme jump in real quick and make a showstopper mooove 🤸‍♀️ (by risking their lives..yeah 🤦‍♀️). *everybody gets mad (but still laugh)*. "weee everybody sorry, i thought it was match break! I am the lady holding the round sign ya know thisss". Makes mistakes but knows how to crack a joke on them. They don't usually attack intentionally, as they don't really stand cruel actions. But they could kill by mistake cause they take up so much space and are very energetic, you get in their way, you dead😂. Their big presence ,easygoing nature and funny/entertaining behaviour win people's hearts (and their prey's too 👀)
Celebs examples: Michelle Yeoh, Taylor Swift, Scarlett Johannson, Lena Headey, Al Pacino, Simone Ashley
Tumblr media Tumblr media
⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕
Capricorn / 10-22 degrees : Why so serious? 🤡 These people have gone through hell and back, no surprise they become the Devil. They tried them all, the bad, neutral and good strategies, they got a baggage of experience that could have either made or broken them. Always disappointed with others. Wise with a mind of a genius, but if this trait of them is neglected by people, the lack of respect could trigger them to suppress their emotions and use this detachment to manipulate others' feelings pretty well. Calm and premedited actions. They take time to kill their prey, they wanna consume them till they can't get it anymore and wanna hear them begging to give them that feeling of respect they didn't get before. Natives that people can consider too strict/inflexible (almost like tirants) if they get to rule as King/Queens panthers. (but they're just good people to whom bad things happened 🥺, lemme give you a hug 🤗)
Celebs examples: Heath Ledger, Zhang Zi-Yi, Grace Kelly, Alan Rickman, Jennifer Lawrence, Maggie Q, The Weeknd, Audrey Hepburn, Alexa Demie, Bruce Lee, Kristen Stewart
Tumblr media Tumblr media
⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕
Aquarius / 11-23 degrees : Loner panthers that don't give a heck of getting to the Queen/King's panther's throne cause they're already building one of their own 😎. Making their own rules, getting their own land, initiating a whole new way of living. And then people see how cool and innovative their way is, and how strong they are to have built all of their empire alone, so they get easily influenced, and individually choose to become their plebs. And this is how they sterminate all their preys at once lmaoo. Unpredictable actions, have unique ways to hunt that may seem weird to people, but they're not afraid to show them by being themselves. This silent confidence can only gives more appreciation and genuine respect to the natives. Can get quite a lot of controversial stares too from close-minded people, but again, they just don't care 😇
Celebs examples: Zendaya, Joaquin Phoenix, Lana Del Rey, Keira Knightley, Anya-Taylor Joy
Tumblr media Tumblr media
⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕
Pisces / 12-24 degrees : The forgetful predator and utopian leader. Create some fantastic plan than only can exist in an imaginary world cause gravity cannot bend to these native's thoughts unfortunately lol...or maybe it does cause they're manifestation king/queens hehe✨ . But everyone is obsessed with them even if they make a lot of mistakes. People are very very confused by these natives and Pisces panthers take this to their advantage. Manifesting their prey like this 👏...but then they don't feel like attacking them lmao... or coff coff... they were sleeping and missed it 😆. Chill around, but cannot not getting involved in the drama cause they're curious by nature. And then the drama (and so the prey too) hunts them, trying to switch the roles, giving them even more opportunities to catch what they want. Not the best at striking to the front, but will hunt you in your dreams.
Celebs examples: Kim Kardashian, Jenna Ortega, Michelle Pfeiffer, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Michael Jackson, Eva Green, Johnny Depp, Maisie Williams
Tumblr media Tumblr media
⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕
And you've reached the end of the post!
Thank you for staying with me 💖
I hope this post entertained you and also gave you some cool info on your placement!
Lemme know if you resonated, and if you didn't let me know equally😊 as you know, i value your feedback a lot ✨ I'm aware this asteroid is an untamed territory, so take in mind this is just my personal interpretation
As always,
I wish you all a wonderful day ahead! Be well, Yours, Linnie 🖤
Tumblr media
( Sorry @brielledoesastrology if this took so long, i loved the suggestion of your request, and i hope this post satisfies it 😘 )
992 notes · View notes
elainsgirl · 18 days ago
Note
HELP, because im literally dead laughing.
Why did an anti say in the bonus chapter that azriel is only upset because of his brothers having mates and not him. they also mentioned he wanted elain to be his mate because his brothers got two sisters... so thats why he gets the third sister?? then they kept saying over and over he just wants a mate? but, the part that really made me laugh was "if he and elain got together and he found his mate, hE wOuLd lEaVe eLaIn, nO hEsiTaTioN. elAin wOuLd giVe uP hEr mAtE, bUt aZriEl wOulDnT. " do they hear themselves right now? WHAT ARE THEY EVEN READING, for real? they lack reading comprehension so bad!!
Hey anon 🫶
GA stans will never beat the allegations they don’t actually understand Azriel’s character outside of whatever they can twist for their ship.
If Azriel’s whole sadness simply stemmed from the fact he solely wanted a mate - his whole character arc surrounding the fact he believes he deserves and should have a mate, there was no need for Sjm to bring Elain into it. Elain wouldn’t have needed to even be mentioned in the bonus. Rhys theorised that Azriel was waiting for the bond to snap between him and Mor - THAT would have been the focus.
According to GA logic you’d get the same result. Azriel could have gone to Rhys and whined about how it wasn’t fair his brothers had mates & he didn’t, him wondering why the bond hasn’t snapped between him & Mor -> You get the same “Az only wants a mate!” Rhetoric that GA stans love to push. Gwynriel’s clearly must then believe Az is stupid and dumb. Why else would he complain over not having Elain as his mate when he knows you can only have one mating bond? Its useless. He knows elain cannot be his mate so why is he being counterproductive and wanting her to be his mate? He should still be pining and obsessing over Mor being his fated mate. It potrays Az as being illogical and childish - which ig is how GA stans show him as.
There was no need to mention Elain, the cauldron or pointing out the oddity it is to have 2/3 brothers mated to 2/3 sisters. There was no need to make Elriel attracted to each other. These are not complex romances. There is no multiple Lis or relationships. If Gwynriel is endgame- Elriel will not happen in any capacity. Yet Mass chose to include Elain. Chose to confirm that Elriel are attracted to each other, brought up the cauldron being wrong once again in the context of elucien.
“"if he and elain got together and he found his mate, hE wOuLd lEaVe eLaIn, nO hEsiTaTioN. elAin wOuLd giVe uP hEr mAtE, bUt aZriEl wOulDnT. "
What kind of Li would he be? That destroys Azriels character completely to the point of no redemption. Elain and him finally being together only for him to leave her bcs “Oh look! I have my mate now!” - Basically using Elain, discarding her the first chance he gets when his mate shows up ? The fact gwynriels genuinely believe this tells me they don’t understand Sjm’s way of writing her male Lis nor do they understand Azriel’s character- it literally makes him look superficial and fickle. Why would you want Azriel to be potrayed like that!? Its not giving romance. Its not giving sjm. This is what I expect your sterotypical misogynistic man to come up with. Men who do not care about women’s feelings. Men who see women as objects that they can use to fill the void before discarding them as if they meant nothing. Its so sad to see women coming up with these takes, Why would you want Elain to go through such heart break? Do they think Gwyn will find it romantic? Their twisted fanon Gwyn might but I’ll tell you now, If canon Gwyn ever found out Azriel broke another womans’ heart to be with her, she’d clock him in the face twice. Do they think Nesta/Feyre will Support or understand Azriel dumping their darling sister bcs “oh well he’s found his mate now so its all good” basically according to gwynriels, If Gwyn wasn’t his mate - she’d too be thrown away. The only reason Az would go after Gwyn is because she’s his mate - is this what they find romantic? Bcs it just gives me the ick. Thank God Mass would never do such a thing. Say what you want about Sjm; she values Love & choice, female empowerment & friendship above all else even a mating bond.
Gwynriels do not understand these characters and a good romance story, if this take is anything to go by. Everyone deserves better from the way GA/EL stans treat them.
This just makes me glad im on the right side of this ship war because most elriels will never ruin these characters for our ship. It also reaffirms my belief in elriel.
29 notes · View notes
starryhutcherson · 8 months ago
Note
do you do male requests? If u do I have an idea 😄 maybe a one shot where the reader is pinning desperately over clapton, but doesn’t think he’d like someone like him since he’s a bit nerdy. But in reality clapton is also the biggest dork ever and likes him just as much:3
━━ OPPOSITES ATTRACT
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
author's note: i try to keep all my fanfiction gender neutral, except for smut which i write with a female reader, just because i don't really know how to write good male smut, so seeing as this is just a fluffy fic i made it gender neutral as usual thank you for your request! also i stayed up until the ungodly hours of the morning to finish this so pls dont judge if its shit i did my best
'୧ ‧₊ pairing: clapton davis x nerdy!reader warnings: swearing word count: 2500+ ⋆ ✩‧₊
Tumblr media
After you’d reached Junior year at Grizzly Lake High, you’d accepted the plaguing reality in which you were a nerd. With your plethora of knowledge regarding random facts, active participation in the school newspaper editorial committee, and expertise in your pre-calculus class, it’s reasonable to say that you were not a typical, soulless high-school student like the rest of the Grizzly population, and it was something that you’d grown to accept.
Being sort of geeky wasn’t all that bad – you had a close knit circle of friends who shared similar interests, and you were excelling in all your classes, so there wasn’t really a reason for you to have contempt towards your social status, right?
Wrong.
You had one very strong reason, a reason adorned in obnoxiously colored clothes and a reason that you were recently paired up with for a science project. 
Clapton Davis. 
You’d had the privilege of sitting near him for nearly a year now, thanks to Ms. Hudson’s seating plan which had situated you just a few desks away from him. To state that you stared at him for the duration of most (all) lessons would be a little creepy, but it was hard not to, when the afternoon hit its peak and you were able to watch the syrupy sunlight crease right over his figure like fine silk — how are eyes that warm possible? Is that shade of brown even real?
You’re in far too deep for someone who you’ve hardly spoken a word to, sure, but could anyone blame you? You couldn’t help it– the lingering glances sent from the overcast shadows of your desk, tucked into a corner of the classroom, pining hopelessly, bouncing your knee with repeated, tense motions and scattering love-heart encircled initials all over your paper. 
Fuck. 
The real kick in the teeth was the fact that Clapton was somebody, at least at this school. He was propped up by popularity and people, effortlessly perched at the head of the social pyramid of Grizzly High, and you certainly were not. Superficial bullshit like this never bothered you in the past, but the fact that Clapton was so comically out of reach felt like a deliberate joke aimed squarely at you, and for lack of better words, it sucked. 
It was taxing labor to try and tolerate your complete lack of a chance with him at the best of times, when you were nestled in the back of classrooms, hopelessly admiring his figure, or passing him in the halls and basking in the fleeting smiles you exchanged – but seeing him up close, being a mere breath away from him, hands making contact for abiding moments that spark against your skin… you deem it the cruelest torture of all. 
The project you’d been paired up for was relatively simple – creating some predictable poster on mitochondrial DNA, but considering the prospect of working alongside Clapton, it became of far greater interest than it should be, science became a highlight of your timetable, a rarity even for you. 
And it’s where you are currently, tense against the stool you’re seated at, knuckles pulsing with a dull ache from cracking them right against the maple wood of the desk — Clapton’s complaining about the point of this whole thing and you attempt to explain the delicate concept of nucleotide composition, while trying not to sound like a complete and utter loser. You’re failing substantially. 
“No, so– the phosphate group is part of the main components which are what form the DNA, but deoxyribose–”
“De–what?”
You huff, wiping sodden palms against the plane of your denim-bound thigh. 
“It’s not—”
“I can’t focus here anyway. It’s too loud,” he grunts, opting to etch his initials onto the side of the desk with deliberate, harsh carvings of his pencil. 
Your gaze swallows up his convex figure. Boredom. Ouch. 
“I can just do it all, if you, uh, want.” 
His head cocks upwards – it’s a tempting offer. But he’s not a douchebag. No matter what people might insinuate. A gradual smirk tugs downwards at the curvature of his lips, hands stilling their previous motions as he turns up to you. 
“No, you don’t gotta do that. Just come over to my place after school or something, you can explain it there, right?”
Your throat clots as though you’ve swallowed mud— your words feel heavy on your tongue and you don’t dare glance upwards from the paper in front of you, in fear of him finding the elation that’s erupting across your guise. 
His house? His house? It feels like an elaborate prank – how how how were you supposed to resist him if he was openly inviting you over? Your nails bite into the exposed flesh of your palm, leaving raw crescent marks in their wake. You couldn’t turn down the opportunity, even if every second would be agony, having him dangled in front of you, so close yet so far. 
You croak out a weak, “Oh, sure, that sounds good—” it sounds better than good. 
But it also sounds worse than it as well. You develop a looming sense of nervousness, forcing your fingers deeper into your skin, choking back a scream of intolerance. What would you even talk about? Sports? Shoes? Or just this stupid project?
He seems to sense your displeasure, because he answers it with a chuckle. “Chill. I don’t bite. Y’know, unless you want me to.”
Cocky prick. 
✩‧₊˚
The walk to Clapton’s house went smoother than you anticipated, casual conversation playing on loop as you wind through the bends of each mundane neighborhood that Grizzly Lake has to offer – his house is the same as a thousand others, but you wear a smile and offer lousy compliments anyway, to which he rolls his eyes a little and tells you that it’s nice or whatever. 
Maybe he’s picked up on your inherent adoration, maybe he’s just toying around with you. You’re not sure– but his damn hypnotic eyes are distracting you from your purpose– mitochondrial composition. Super interesting. 
The pair of you are slumped against his bed, surrounded by sunwashed memorabilia as the afternoon begins to bleed into the evening. Your progress is limited, but you don’t care. Your proximity is the only thing settling in your mind, like dust upon your shoulders and in your throat– you can taste his breathing as it fans across your neck. 
Cedarwood seeps into every crevice of your skin – he’s too damn close. You’re not sure you can take this. 
“It’s sort of like lego.”
Your voice cuts through the incessant tide of your wandering thoughts. 
“Lego?” “Yeah. Y’know— like, okay, the phosphate is the base, and then the sugar molecule connects to that, and then the nitrogenous base is like, your unique pieces, y’know, color, size, whatever, it gives the DNA it’s unique features.”
“Sort of… following?” You grin at the achievement. 
“That’s good!” 
“I never usually get this stuff, so uh, thanks.”
Your heartstrings tangle into one unfathomably tight knot, and your nerves pulse in sharp bouts beneath the surface of your skin. He’s thanking you. And he’s smiling too, pearly whites seeming near opalescent, but maybe that’s your mind, warped with ecstasy. You wished you had more to talk about though. More to offer. But what were you supposed to bring up, your comic book collection? He’d probably laugh in your face. 
“It’s all good. I’m glad I could help you.” His grin widens fractionally. 
“I’m glad too.”
A moment’s silence flutters by. 
“So uh–”
"Should we-"
You chuckle, a smidge awkward, as your sentences overlap. 
“You first,” he tells you, and you shift timidly on his bed, accompanied by the dull squeak of his mattress.  
“Just uh… wondering if I should go.”
He appears to tense, just for a moment, as if your words had implications that you weren’t aware of, but it dissolves as quickly as it came and you can’t analyze his feelings in time. 
“Yeah, sure. Whatever you want.”
Whatever you want. You’re sure he doesn’t want the true answer to that. What you want, what you absolutely want, is mere inches away from you, looking preternatural in the first whispers of a mid-autumn sunset, splayed across his bed with a boyish grin, whatever you want is right there, waiting and daring you to try and take it. You don’t. You can’t. 
“Okay. Uh, see you tomorrow then.”
Shit.
✩‧₊˚
The aforementioned tomorrow is so inconsequentially boring that you debate coming home early. You’ve got nothing planned, no important subjects, and every time you pass Clapton in the hallways, greeted with an elusive raise of the eyebrows or a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it grin, it gets harder and harder to ignore the fiery feelings in your body. 
You can barely take the spiderwebs of angst growing across your stomach, tangled into your thoughts– Clapton. That’s all you can seem to find threaded into every fissure in your psyche. It feels like every stray thought is the gnawing reminder that Clapton isn’t yours. How are you supposed to focus on physics when those honey-sweet eyes are eternally burnt into the forefront of your mind? You’re seconds away from tearing out your own fucking hair, it’s so unlike you to get worked up by something like this. 
Yet here you are. 
Here you are, staring emptily down at your worksheet, filling in the answers with ease, wondering how much easier it would be to attract attention if you had more appealing interests. If you knew how to skateboard instead of the elements of the periodic table, if you spent your money on clothes instead of comics. Shit. Shit, you really liked him and he really probably didn’t like you. It stings like a childhood wound, like hydrogen peroxide festering amongst skinned knees. 
Fuck this.
✩‧₊˚
The day is achingly slow, boredom clinging to the air and swallowing you whole. Each class just feels like going through the motions, your thoughts are stuck on one thing and one thing only, and you hyperfixate on every previous interaction with him, sourly regretting every word you’ve ever spoken, praying he didn’t think they were as weird as you did. 
You want to scream! The schoolbell released you after what seemed like decades, and now you’re shuffling down the streets back to your house, where you can hopefully catch a break from your constant stream of deprecating thoughts, but no. 
The roll of a skateboard pounding against the graveled roads becomes audible as it slows behind you, a familiar voice cuts through the silence. 
“Going home?”
It's him.
You turn around, plastering a weak smile across your face. 
“Uh, yeah. Why?” He inches a little closer, picking up his board and tucking it under his arm. “Can I come over?”
Your stomach snags on itself, an airy sensation spreading across every tense limb. It’s a bold move, but it’s a welcome one. 
“For the project?” He shrugs. “Yeah, sure. Also just to hang out.”
You perk a smile at this, for a brief moment, before it melts directly from your face. Clapton in your house? Clapton in your room? You visualize each poster, each stupid certificate your mom made you hang up on your wall— he can’t go in there. You’d die of shame. 
“Oh, uh, I’m kinda— busy.” He frowns. “Seriously? C’mon, just for, like, an hour.”
“Clapton—”
“Please?”
It should flatter you, how desperate he comes across, but you’re too worried that after he sees you, like, the real you, presented through your room and your stuff and your interests, that he’ll be weirded out, and scamper away to some cheerleader or something. Still, those pleading eyes work wonders on you, and it becomes impossible to refuse them. 
“Okay, fine. An hour,” you mumble, and set off back on your journey home with him following close behind. 
You make it to your house, hesitantly guiding him into your bedroom– he doesn’t seem to have much of a reaction. You were definitely overthinking it. 
He makes himself welcome, collapsing on your bed with a sigh, laying sprawled on his back with his eyes trained on your ceiling, eye to eye with your collector’s edition Return of the Jedi poster, limited edition, signed. 
You tentatively join him.
“You like Star Wars?”
He asks, gesturing to the poster, no teasing present in his tone. 
“Oh, uh, yeah.”
“Seriously? What’s this one about?”
You can’t help yourself– he seems properly interested, and even if the question was merely to start conversation you attack it, spluttering eager sentences about the plot and the characters and oh fuck, you’re really going on about it. His eyes have left the poster and he’s rolled onto his side, vision stuck straight on you, he’s probably judging you. 
You cut your own sentence midway, feeling the apples of your cheeks redden with embarrassment as you shrink back down to your previously timid self. 
“Sorry. My bad,” you mumble, picking a loose thread on your duvet. He notices, faltering a little. 
“What? No, come on. I’m invested now.”
You sigh, your eyes drilling holes into your shoes, where they stay staring. “Why? Why do you keep, like, talking to me and stuff?” He sits up so he can join you, shoulder resting beside yours. “What’d you mean?”
Your body feels uncomfortably taut with the suspense of this tangible moment, and you decide that you might as well get this swollen feeling off your chest before it bursts inside of you. 
A moment’s silence. A bated breath. You harness whatever confidence you can find in yourself (though it’s pretty barren), and go for it before your thoughts can catch up to you. 
“I just– I’m not, like… I’m not like your other friends. And I… I dunno, I… look, I like you. Like, I really like you, and I know it’s stupid, but I feel like you keep on giving me, like, mixed signals– but I don’t wanna—”
“Wait, you like me?”
You let out a begrudging exhale. “I know, it’s stupid–”
“What? You’re kidding right? You’re, like, perfect.”
Your head jolts to him so quickly you’re surprised you don’t get whiplash. 
“I mean, don’t get me wrong, you’re super pretty, but like– you’re smart, and you’re nice, and you’re funny… you seriously like me?”
You’re barely processing. It feels like you’ve swallowed rose thorns, like every grain of sand has settled in the pit of your stomach, filling you up from the inside out, drying out the cavity of your throat. 
“Y–yeah?”
He chuckles, a noise you want sewn into your memory forever. “I like you too. I totally have for ages.”
Your eyes nearly bulge out of your skull. “Are you serious?”
Again, he flaunts that grin that you’ve marveled at for far too long. And it takes you a moment to realize he’s not replying– not with words. But his face is closer than before, and suddenly you could count every freckle, you could name every color in the ring of his iris, and he’s closer still, and only your eyes are doing the talking, and then his soft lips hit yours and everything stone inside you cracks. 
He moves gently, as if you’re made of frozen sugar; his hands find your waist, he paws at it slowly, too much, not enough— and then he pulls away. 
“That serious enough for you?”
You stammer out a butchered sentence, before roping yourself together, somewhat. “You can’t do that!” You choke, though there’s no malice in your tone, because he can hear your smile, even before he can see it. 
“Just did, baby.”
“You’re unreal. This— this isn’t real,” you chuckle in awe. 
“Mmm… I’d say it’s pretty real,” he smirks, reaching for your hand and squeezing it for emphasis. 
“Why’d you like me?” If you hunt for it, you can still taste the vestige of him on your trembling lips. 
“I just said, remember? You’re really generous, and you’re, like, patient with me, when nobody else is. And you’re painfully hot.”
You snort at this. “You’re the hot one.”
“Hey, we can both be hot.”
You giggle, squeezing his hand back, you fall into a pattern. You fade into him. 
“Oh my god, I actually can’t believe this.”
He presses a chaste peck to the canvas of your cheek, spreading a ruby flush that’s all for him. 
“Believe it.”
And you start to.
masterlist
✩‧₊˚
116 notes · View notes