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thewebcomicsreview · 4 years

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Homestuck 2 has updated! Christmas is ruined!

Previously, on Homestuck 2: Literally nothing happened, and a non-trivial portion of the patreon supporters gave up and quit. Can this update pull a Christmas miracle and right the sinking ship of Homestuck 2? Probably not, but let’s find out!

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We’re back in Candyland, having completely skipped over Karkat and John talking about Dave’s apparent death, because this comic is only interested in long conversations when they’re boring and not about anything at all. That’s alright, I got the gist of it.

When Karkat is finally gone, John still doesn’t move. It isn’t as though he has nowhere else to go, since there are quite a few places he might attempt to make himself useful, for better or for worse.

So, it appears to be morning now, meaning that John’s son has been missing in a war zone for almost 24 hours and I guess John literally forgot Harry existed?

Prediction: This conversation is going to end in some variant of “Where is our son?” “Oh shit!”

ROXY: hey john can u do me a quick solid

ROXY: actly idk how quick itll be but its definitely solid

ROXY: harry anderson says i just missed u being here but could u skip back on over?

What.

So, I went back and checked, and apparently nowhere is it explicitly said that Harry Anderson was also looking for the Vriskas, so I guess he....stayed home? Which makes sense, I suppose, but maybe a “Stay here I’ll go look for them” would’ve helped. I wasn’t the only one who thought Harry was out looking for Vriska too.

ROXY: sup

ROXY: follow me

ROXY: well were just going to my room so i guess technically u know the way

JOHN: haha ok.

John follows, trying to shake the ominous feeling he got from what she’d just said. He’d been in and out of this house a lot in the past few days. Why should this be any different?

Is Roxy....horny? Is the solid she’s looking for John’s dick? I mean, that’d make her saying Harry wasn’t available kind of weird, but I think this framing is a fake-out.

...

What the fuck is that lamp, Jesus Christ it’s awful. Just a cat’s asshole, facing the door.

ROXY: r u kiddin me rn egbert

JOHN: i’m not? unless you were, in which case yeah lets say i was also kidding.

JOHN: oh my god, i’m sorry, i don’t know why this making me freak out.

ROXY: i remember our past boot knockin with fondness but that is a situation im not interested in revisiting

Oh hey, it was a fakeout. Good job, Homestuck 2. You successfully implied something just through the art. Art which, by the way, looks a lot better than the last chapter. There are backgrounds and everything. I wonder if Chapter 15 was rushed out due to Hiveswap and that’s why it was so weak?

He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced?

I’m not the biggest fan of the way the narration is going JOHN IS AFRAID OF SEX WITH ROXY LIKE HE’S A TEENAGE VIRGIN AGAIN (LIKE IN HS1!) AND IT DOESN’T REALLY MAKE SENSE PLEASE REMEMBER THIS IT’LL BE IMPORTANT LATER, but okay, noted.

ROXY: u said ur house is gone??

JOHN: yep.

JOHN: completely.

ROXY: jeez

Heh. I like Roxy, still.

JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison.

If this comic actually uses the phrase “home” and “stuck” in the same sentence I’m turning this blog around and we’ll go right back to Winnipeg.

ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push

ROXY: we both got sick muscles

ROXY: no other adjectives necessary

I feel unqualified to talk about how hard Roxy is pushing the June Egbert thing.

....Is that the fucking portal from Hiveswap under a tarp? Also hi Candy Callie, appearing in HS2 for the first time. One of the Calliope’s is nonbinary, I think, but I honestly can’t remember and I think it’s Meat Calliope?

JOHN: do i get to know what that big thing under the sheet is?

ROXY: hmmmmmm no

JOHN: oh ok.

JOHN: are you sure? i mean, it seems like a pretty prominent feature of the room.

JOHN: space.

JOHN: wherever we are.

ROXY: and a totally mysterious n COMPLETELY inconspicuous feature it will have to remain for now

ROXY: we r kinda in a hurry here fyi

ROXY: and by that i mean

ROXY: we are in precisely the amount of hurry that means im excused from having to a that specific q rn

JOHN: right, sorry.

JOHN: i will pay no attention to the object behind the curtain.

ROXY: u catch on fast egbert

Oh thing HS2 has not been great at is that it has a lot of plot mysteries that are supposed to keep us enticed but they don’t really get implanted into the audience’s head (Remember Vrissy mysteriously collapsing that one time? Probably not, she did it off screen and the boys kind of laughed it off). This one’s hard to miss.

JOHN: so... this is all downstairs?

JOHN: it seems like you had a lot of work done.

ROXY: well no not x actly

ROXY: were in the old meteor

It’s kind of weird how this meteor keeps popping up like this.

CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr.

This is an unexpected but not unwelcome direction for Callie to have gone.

CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are.

CALLIOPE: how much do yoU know aboUt black holes?

Oh, wow, we’re going right there, then. This does seem like a bit of a reaction to complaints HS2 wasn’t shmoovin’ enough, but maybe I’m reading too much into it.

CALLIOPE: no, i mean, what if oUr whole WORLD was inside a black hole.

JOHN: ok.

A’ight, that got a laugh out of me

JOHN: ugh, i fucking KNEW it!

JOHN: i'm so sorry.

JOHN: i'm so sorry that i put the earth inside a black hole everyone. ):

I like this conversation a lot.

ROXY: iirc at least part of y u got so weepy was the fact that u couldnt believe a version of earth existed where ppl got 2 watch more mcconaughey films than you

JOHN: listen.

JOHN: i simply don't think you all appreciated the gift you were given.

Quite a bit, in fact.

ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love

JOHN: aw.

Roxy and John have a good dynamic.

CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

JOHN: ...right.

John’s phone has very good coverage, since he was able to talk to Terezi in the epilogues, as we’re being subtly reminded of here with that ... before the “right”. I wonder if it still works after alt-Calliope left.

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval.

CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality.

CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u

Okay, so we are now being explicitly told that living in the black hole is fucking with the characters and is part of the reason they make such baffling decisions, like Rose not telling Kanaya about Yiffy, or naming her daughter “Yiffy” in the first place.

CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity.

ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point

CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan

CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more.

CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it.

CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak.

CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself?

So, the plan is literally for Vriska to be such a Huge 8itch that the black hole itself gets sick of her and yeets Earth C out of its own event horizon to freedom.

This is actually a great plan.

And that’s Hamsteak. This definitely feels like a bit of a reaction to complaints about HS2, but hey, I dig it, I guess? Definite improvement over the last chapter.

#homestuck #homestuck 2 liveblog

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dahniwitchoflight · 4 years

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Homesquared Chapter 16

Alrighty, that was a fun tangent, now back to John it seems?

Oh, no, Narration of John (So Actually Dirk, speak of the devil and he shall appear and all that etc etc)

“ leaving John with one final touch on the shoulder. John leans into it in response, though he’s a bit ashamed of chasing down a sliver of physical affection so soon after obliterating Karkat’s evening like he had. “

pfft lol so Im not the only one that thought it would be funny if that scene was interpreted in a Pale Romantic light, even though that really wasn’t what was happening

OIh! but we still get Roxy, just the other version of Roxy

Roxy subtly being like “hey!! shit has apparently gone down, were not exactly close atm but I feel bad about you dying to want to know if youre still alive so im gonna message you while trying to make it look like i dont care about it as much as I do”

JOHN: trying to align my memories of my youth with whatever is happening right now so

and the wonderful question is, what IS going be happening with you now John?

Roxy looking nice and casual, but also yeah narration, why are you making this ominous, its not like Roxy’s out here to double spy on behalf of Jane, I don’t think Roxys on her side THAT much

ROXY: may have to do a smidge more if my old bff decides im next on the list for bombing out

ROXY: but so far so good

ROXY: just a coupla exploded cars in the yard from some shenanigans our dear son and his friends were in but u kno it is what it is!!!

Roxy once again being a master of hiding how shes feeling, even when trying to open up, feeling pretty stressed about whats happening with Jane, understandable, the exclamation points give it away lol

The narration is really trying to make John nervous though

OH lol that was the implication haha no lol John it obviously wasn’t that

“John feels his shoulders unbunch. Of course. Yeah. He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced? He doesn’t know, but he believes Roxy that he must look pretty haggard. He probably feels haggard? Maybe sitting down will feel better.“

lol once again, Dirk has no idea how to read Roxy at all and just trips over himself and his assumptions XD

Yeah, looks like Roxy not on the Jane train and is doing some takesies backsies, shes glossing over her feelings on the matter still though, I know thats par for the course of how Roxy tends to handle stuff too but I wish shed open up a bit more, but maybe shes playing the smart game, yknow, knowing that Dirk has a hard time reading her, so glossing over stuff is how you protect yourself against the narrative force, confusion and vaguery in the narrative and her actions only helps her to keep control over it, because at any point, you can decide to “clear up” any narrative “miscommunication” or “confusion” and lay down what is it thats actually happening with you any time you want

Void working in the behind the scenes to do what they want

JOHN: like it’s my HOUSE.

JOHN: but mostly it always felt like my dad’s house?

JOHN: and when i started living there after i moved out of here, it was like i crammed myself back into whatever was left of my kid self?

JOHN: and it didn’t feel good, but it at least was familiar, you know?

JOHN: like living there let me feel closer to my dad, trying to be like the way i remember him, or like how i remember him wanting me to be, or something?

JOHN: and i didn’t realize how much i hated doing that until i saw it all go up in flames.

JOHN: so i guess i could have used my powers to stop the fire and save whatever was left of the place, but i couldn’t bring myself to do it.

JOHN: like some fucked up part of me was glad i got there too late?

JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison.

JOHN: and even now i keep trying to explain it away, as though it’s because of how fucked up everything else is that it made me feel good.

JOHN: but that’s just bullshit.

JOHN: it DID feel good.

JOHN: i DO feel free.

JOHN: sorry.

ROXY: no need 2 apologize

ROXY: we just delved in2 my whole gender thing last time so it seems fine for u to have a turn

JOHN: i didn’t say it was a gender thing.

Im pretty sure you’re talking about a gender thing John, like, very 100% sure now this is what’s happening

because if you were actually a girl, of course you’re dad leaving all these notes about how one day hes gonna be so proud of the man youll become, yeah, that can feel a little pressuring, even if your dad didnt mean it like that, since he was unfailingly the kind of dad just bumbling around trying to understand their kid as best they could and leave encouragements everywhere, thats what his intent was, but all his notes come off a bit wrong in particular issues

remember the note under the fridge that was all like “SON. IF YOURE READING THIS NOTE, YOUVE FINALLY BECOME STRONG ENOUGH OF A MAN TO PICK UP THE FRIDGE.” not exactly that but that was always the vibe Dad’s little notes always had

Yeah, i can see how John would view it as a bit off, but if he hadnt the self awareness to realize it was a gender thing at the time, hed be understandly confused as to why such a thing would bother him

now though, he’s realizing, maybe, he doesn’t exactly want to be the man his dad always encouraged him to be

John does seem a lot happier here in his convo with Roxy than he did on his own when the house was burning, that conversation with karkat left me wondering if John was about to start dissociating he was so down, but here he says he feels freeing and happy about it?

ROXY: but like now that u mention it

ROXY: *meaningful pause*

JOHN: …

JOHN: i

JOHN:

John’s beginning to question stuff, or acknowledge that he’s questioning stuff, cuz it’s true, and hes feeling happy about it, in a way that he wasnt before, but he hasnt quite connected the dots here between the happy feeling and what exactly he has to be happy about

ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push

ROXY: we both got sick muscles

ROXY: no other adjectives necessary

JOHN: yeah ok.

Yeah Roxy’s 100% picked up on it, and maybe Dirk has as well if the narration is commenting on it

Alrighty then, to the secret lair under the bed!

oh I just noticed how kind of cute and interesting Roxy’s nickname for Harry is, “Lil H A” Harry Anderson shortens to Ha like laughter haha

and if Harry had Roxy’s last name, it’d be Harry Anderson Lalonde

Lil HAL

lol what is Callie doing under Roxy’s secret bedchamber XD

This whole secret bedchamber thing is turning into one big metaphor isn’t it?

That thing behind the curtain kind of looks like the Attic Portal shape from Hiveswap though

that’d be neat if that was it, like obviously we knew one of the cherubs had to have something to do with that portal just going by the design of it alone

Honestly it makes sense that Callie is doing it under the curtain of Roxy’s Void, it’s honestly the safest place to do something like that

lol Calliope has grown past writing fanfic about shipping and being in love, now the drama of broken relationships and divorce is all the rage XD character growth? haha

CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr.

CALLIOPE: so i consider Us aboUt even at this point.

Calliope just burned him harder than his childhood home’s destruction

CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are.

have you been talking to Jake lol (I mean, probably Original Grandpa Jake tbh if that portal is actually the portal)

Alright so John is getting caught up on the major plot points, Earth C is indeed in the large black hole, his choice didn’t matter since both choices happened anyway yadda yadda

CALLIOPE: think of it like a coin flip.

CALLIOPE: the series of events that led to Us being trapped beyond the event horizon of an Ubermassive black hole could be considered "tails", while the events which would have occUrred otherwise could be considered "heads".

CALLIOPE: since both were possible, and paradox space is the way it is, they actUally both happened. and we jUst "happened" (hee hee) to get tails instead of heads.

yup yup yup pretty par for the course of timesplits in homestuck so far

CALLIOPE: not at all! since both possibilities depend on one another's existence, it really doesn't make sense to call them "right" or "wrong". they both just "are".

yup, this is true, the ending’s of both referenced the others, so it’s disingenuous to say one is “canon” while the other isn’t

one is simply in the realm of actual possibility, the other is in the realm of unlikely possibility

More than likely, John would have chosen to leave and go die and be the hero like in Meat, but there was still the possibility that he would stay, even if it was unlikelier than the other, but since both were possible choices for him to realistically make, both actually happened for real

CALLIOPE: anyway, the reason i went on this tangent in the first place was to explain that the space we are standing in right now has a special significance, in that it is the location which corresponds to the black hole's singUlarity

that’s interesting, so there’s the original meteor that crashed into the surface of Earth C, and it’s in here that the singularity of what I don’t wanna call the Green Hole to match the Green Sun when I wanna talk about this specific Black Hole lolol

but yeah, here in this meteor lies the crux of the paradox it seems, interesting, also interesting again, this is where that Hiveswap Portal is

Hiveswap does have a plot point of “Joey must do thing in 11 days otherwise Earth and Alternia will be destroyed” and the only known destruction event of Earth and Alternia so far in canon is the Green Sun’s Creation from the destruction of both universes (and then later Callie’s destruction of the green sun into the black hole) so is Hiveswap gonna be a factor in the green sun’s destruction/creation as well? (Joey has the symbol of the Green Sun for a reason, I’m super curious as to what factor Joey has in relation to the Green Sun’s Existence, We still don’t know what the fact those black monsters are too, they’re like nega-first guardians, the kind of things that look like would come out of a Black Hole that came from the Green Sun tbh)

It’s all inter-related I tells ya

ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love

JOHN: aw.

You say that now but

CALLIOPE: it's not strictly speaking "bad" for Us to be inside of a black hole, mUch thoUgh that contradicts most of what anyone knows about them.

CALLIOPE: of coUrse, if we had fallen into it, that woUld be a whole other kettle of fish.

CALLIOPE: the tidal forces woUld have stretched Us all into spaghetti and then ripped us apart!

CALLIOPE: bUt the natUre of oUr arrival was more akin to simply "being" here, sUddenly. one moment we were not, and the next moment we were, and somehow always had been.

yeah that’s basically how this multiverse’s reality works, the future is a thing that already physically exists, just in a different location in the universe somewhere else

time travel and spacial teleportation could be said to be the same thing all along

that’s why violating the events of the future has actual consequences, because its like asking to go somewhere that doesn’t exist but how has to exist because it’s the future, too much of that and reality starts cracking at the seams to make room

same thing happens with sessions and playing sburb

the planets and dreaming moons and all that simultaneously have always existed here, and started existing only because the player played the game and the planets were generated upon entering a session, but to the player involved, it looks and feels like you are just being teleported to a different location in the universe, because you also kind of are

CALLIOPE: i mean, the natUre of space and time is a little finicky in here, bUt for the most part it doesn't seem to be anything too oUt of the ordinary.

CALLIOPE: bUt beyond that, it means that we are sealed away from the rest of existence.

CALLIOPE: oUr sphere of inflUence is limited to the sphere of the black hole's bounding horizon.

CALLIOPE: as far as everyone else is concerned, we might as well not even exist!

So you’re just in a little seperated bubble, that’s not connect temporally to any other place of existence, you aren’t anywhere in the past or the future of anywhere else

nowhere leads here, and here can not lead outwards either, theoretically, and yes it exists, so it must also

JOHN: is there no way we could let anyone know that we're in here...?

CALLIOPE: almost certainly not!

CALLIOPE: in which case, escape woUld become rather trivial, if a little Unscientific.

JOHN: ok. i am going to assume that we can't just do that.

CALLIOPE: yoU've hit the nail on the head, UnfortUnately. U_U

CALLIOPE: the method i described was the one employed by my alternate self, who yoU may recall crashed through the event horizon in the body that once belonged to jade harley.

CALLIOPE: she departed through a pUnctUre she created in the black hole's surface shortly after consUming my brother, a deed which provided her with the necessary "oomph", and which was frankly rather breathtaking to watch. =u=

CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

So someone else definitely has managed to do such a thing

JOHN: knowing that we're inside of a black hole... does that actually change anything?

JOHN: like, can't we just go on living like normal?

CALLIOPE: oh absolUtely not.

CALLIOPE: i don't know if yoU've noticed john bUt this world is on the brink of a total cataclysm.

JOHN: oh.

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval.

CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u

JOHN: that's... certainly one way to put it, yeah...

yeah, so because here in the black hole neither affects the past or the future of anywhere else, being so disconnected, they are technically free of the reigns of the Alpha Timeline that exists elsewhere in the multiverse

the Alpha Timeline now being understood to simply mean, The Narrative

Things are the way they are because they are thus written to be so

CALLIOPE: at first, i believed that this was simply necessary. Us playing tails to oUr coUnterparts' heads, the black to their white, and so forth.

CALLIOPE: bUt over the years i have come to the conclUsion that this is simply not kosher.

ROXY: its total bs is what it is

CALLIOPE: right, yes.

CALLIOPE: a steaming pile of bUllshite.

CALLIOPE: and so we have decided that something needs to be done aboUt it.

Hmmm. It’s a dangerous idea to be playing with for sure, to decide all the black pieces in the game of chess suddenly become white, it is a very flip turning of reality upside down to be sure

To be honest, I’d think you’d need a powerful Doom player at your disposal to even try something like this

or actually, a powerful Doom user would be most likely to shut this entire thing down, knowing how bad of an idea it’d be, maybe it’s more you need a powerful Life player to do something like this instead

is that also why Dirk viewed Jane as an ally then? She would technically have the kind of power to upend the black and white doomy laws of reality if driven to her full potential, i mean obviously yes, we know this already because of the candy colored I-can-do-whatever-I-want-with-no-consequences lollipop

Is this what Calliope hopes to achieve with the Hiveswap Portal then? her goals for Joey and friends are to be the ones to prevent their universe’s twin destructions, and thus the Green Sun’s initial existence and then also the destruction into the Black Hole after the fact? that would be one way to prevent the Black Hole from existing, making it so the thing that creates the black hole never exists either

and that's certainly a canon event that would be difficult to tear asunder without major consequences

That would be a “Re-writing Homestuck from the very beginning” level of canon event

And if I’m correct, Joey is theorized by me to be a Mage of Life, if any classpect at their full potential was gonna do something like that, or have the impossible knowledge to something impossibly paradoxical like that, well..

ROXY: but u dont need to worry abt busting us outta space jail tbh

ROXY: thats not ur problem to fix

JOHN: oh.

JOHN: i'm... not sure i follow, then.

ROXY: i mean yeah ur gonna obvs facilitate it in a sense

ROXY: but only by going and busting the person who can actually help us outta normal earth jail

CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity.

ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point

CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan.

CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it.

CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak.

CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself?

I mean yeah! makes sense! Johns major factor here is Freedom, Vriska’s is Importance

and yeah, I can think of no other wholly dramatic event that to mess with stuff with the Green Sun, everyone will have eyes on that, they have to, their whole existence the way it is relies on it

But, they could also mean something else, its only condition is that it has to be something so imflappably impossible, something so not-canon and so outrageous that it basically horse-shoes around to the other end of the canon spectrum to being something that truly exists again

and that could be literally anything and it’s nerve wracking and exciting to see what thing theyre gonna come up with to just directly kneecap Homestuck itself

ROXY: thx babe

ROXY: oh is it 2 soon for that joke or

JOHN: no, weirdly enough, that one’s fine.

(yeah that’s because Babe can be construed as feminine June)

so, I’m basically convinced they’re doing June Egbert now

that to me was like, pretty severely on the nose

John: Hey Roxy, what it does mean when you find a sense of freedom when all of the symbolism of the masculinity surrounding your childhood burns down around you

Roxy: idk It’s probably a gender thing man

John: I didn’t say the word gender-

Roxy: It’s ok babe no pressure, we can hash it out later

John: Hmm, later then. :)

Roxy: (Turns and looks towards the camera with a knowing smile)

shit all that imagery makes me think of Roxy as that picture of the small kid smirking at the camera while a house burns in the distance XD

#Homesquared #june egbert #john egbert #yeah theres no way there not gonna bring up June Egbert as a apossibility now #Roxy couldn't have quirked her eyebrows harder at the fourth wall if they had tried #Homestuck #I'm basically convinced now lol #that plus my reaction to chapter 14

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bladekindeyewear · 4 years

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HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-12-25

I’m not going to spend time BLOGGING an upd8 on Christmas morning!

...yes I am who the fuck am I kidding. (Bonus stuff and Hiveswap are still well on hold though.)

So are we gonna follow up on the main ship? Probably not, right, with that perfect Karkat point to cut away, right? We’re just going to leave Roxy’s question hanging, as well as makeouts etiquette, and leave while having seen a COUPLE FRAMES of non-possessed canon Jade with only whatever fun fanart was inspired across the internet by the moment to tide us over????

Yeah, probably.

Ugh, more Dirk. I guess it’s overdue. :(

> CHAPTER 16. Welcome to my Secret Lair

Oh huh, I guess not? So... Jane’s, or Rose and Kanaya’s?

Karkat stays for longer than John thought he would. They talk a bit, but mostly they are quiet. Eventually, Karkat gets called away on yet more important war business, leaving John with one final touch on the shoulder. John leans into it in response, though he’s a bit ashamed of chasing down a sliver of physical affection so soon after obliterating Karkat’s evening like he had.

Pretty much, yeah. Can’t blame either of them.

You’re still abandoning the task that was explicitly yours to protect your literal kid and his friends, but, oh well. Low-point. Dave dead, house dead, broke news, I get it.

He just doesn’t feel ready for that yet. The remnants of his house are still smoldering, and he can’t stop staring at them. It would make sense, he thinks, to want to root around through the rubble for anything that’s still intact; some half-charred keepsake to claim as the last thing left that’s still his. But he doesn’t want to do it, and he doesn’t want to think about it. And he still can’t move.

Can’t move. No Breath huh? What’s going to get him to, then?

> (==>)

Oh boy, that might help. XD She’s pretty good at that.

> (==>)

Still with the waistline gap. And was his phone always yellow like his God-Tier shoes?

ROXY: hey john can u do me a quick solid ROXY: actly idk how quick itll be but its definitely solid ROXY: harry anderson says i just missed u being here but could u skip back on over?

Nice, huh! No judgment, just a hey-any-chance-you-could-swing-back. He sort of needs to be needed right now, in a simple, almost everyday non-judgmental way I guess. (That’s what he NEEDED anyway-- whether he deserved it though is up for debate.)

ROXY: i need help w/smth and yr darling boy is holed up in his room working on some fuckin craft project or other and cant be bothered

YES SEW JOHN A BETTER FITTING FUCKING OUTFIT

ROXY: and now that me and u are freshly on speakin terms again i might as well take advantage of that olive branch and put u to work ROXY: assumin you havent died in an air raid, that is ROXY: which id also be interested in knowin about so if u wld be so kind as to reply instead of leavin me hangin

Heheheh. Gosh Roxy is always the best.

JOHN: yea yea sorry im here. JOHN: i just had a hard time getting my phone out of these fucking tiny pants.

Hah.

JOHN: and also my house is bombed out so i'm kinda grappling with that. JOHN: but i honestly am not sure how much longer i need to sit around staring at it. trying to align my memories of my youth with whatever is happening right now so JOHN: short version is no i’m not dead, and yeah i can come back over there and help you out. ROXY: oh sweet yr alive and down to do manual labor its a win/win JOHN: see you soon.

Yep! Pulled away from all the metaphorical, ultra-meaningful bullshit, back to some brass tacks with some easy humor. Definitely something Roxy can do well.~

> (==>)

EXCUSE ME. What is that outfit and pose. Did you--

ROXY: sup ROXY: follow me ROXY: well were just going to my room so i guess technically u know the way JOHN: haha ok.

Did you invite him over for the manual labor of banging you while your son is sewing in the other room

Or maybe the labor is making him a new sibling. JFC

Is this plan part of why we got the sudden content warning that was mocked or was that mainly for Hiveswap

John follows, trying to shake the ominous feeling he got from what she’d just said. He’d been in and out of this house a lot in the past few days. Why should this be any different?

I DUNNO JOHN DOES THIS SEEM DIFFERENT TO YOU

> (==>)

Yea this seems like a fucc room.

JOHN: it’s not like i could forget! ROXY: ya i guess u only really saw the living room when you were here the other day but i have changed some stuff up ROXY: done a lil redecoratin here n there

So it’s MORE of a fucc room than previously >__>”

ROXY: may have to do a smidge more if my old bff decides im next on the list for bombing out ROXY: but so far so good

Ah geez.

ROXY: just a coupla exploded cars in the yard from some shenanigans our dear son and his friends were in but u kno it is what it is!!!

Well, that’ll buff out easy.

ROXY: can i get u anything? ROXY: just made some coffee JOHN: no, uh, i’m good.

Of course she has a fancy handled winecoffeeglass (and the handle does look ridiculous but it’d be too hot to hold otherwise)

Roxy shrugs and swirls her own coffee around in her novelty mug. John looks around. A lot about the room is the same. The family photos, the rug. There’s a lot more cat stuff in there now, though. The bed is new. John feels like he’s about to take a test he hasn’t studied for. He makes himself focus on what she’s saying.

That would be the feeling.

> (==>)

MY GOD. Roxy is so fucking good at this holy shit

She KNOWS she’s making him squirm and she loves it

JOHN: so uh anyway. JOHN: what was this favor? ROXY: yo why dont u just come rest yr tush for a bit ROXY: take a lil relax next 2 me here JOHN: haha uh. JOHN: roxy i uh. JOHN: im flattered, but i don’t know if that’s really the right step right now. JOHN: don’t get me wrong, everything seems so fucked up right now that when i try to think about what might actually BE the right step, it feels like a huge cartoon question mark might physically manifest over my head. JOHN: but I’m not sure if um rekindling our physical relationship is really the best--

So is Roxy trolling him, about to reveal she wasn’t thinking of sex and was just making things seem sultry? Or just had “lol jk” as an option-select, maybe.

> (==>)

ROXY: r u kiddin me rn egbert JOHN: i’m not? unless you were, in which case yeah lets say i was also kidding. JOHN: oh my god, i’m sorry, i don’t know why this making me freak out.

OH NOOO NOT THE DISDAAAAIN - CRITICAL HIT D:

ROXY: i remember our past boot knockin with fondness but that is a situation im not interested in revisiting

boot knockin XD

ROXY: look john ROXY: i was trying to be polite about it ROXY: offering u sustenance n rest n all ROXY: but you look like shit ROXY: i just wanted to catch up on the whole heinous war situation were in and maybe check in on e/o before leaping strait to the real n actual nonsexual manual labor favor i have in mind for u JOHN: oh.

Hey, she can’t help looking sexy she’s too good at it.

Is the manual labor moving the crashed cars? Can’t Roxy pull that off on her own, or... banish the cars to the void or something? (Oh, but WOULD she want to do it on her own when she can rope in John and bring him down to earth by giving him a useful task? And admittedly his strength and wallet would make things easier.)

John feels his shoulders unbunch. Of course. Yeah. He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced?

Probably some gender stuff mixed up in there too, June.

He doesn’t know, but he believes Roxy that he must look pretty haggard. He probably feels haggard? Maybe sitting down will feel better.

Just put your feet up yeah

> (==>)

WHAT A CUTE IMAGE

JOHN: sorry. like i said, my "how to react to stuff" meter is completely fucked right now. ROXY: thats fair bud

she’s used to being patient with you don’t worry otherwise you never would’ve gotten this far

ROXY: real fast i do need to do a quick takeback of all that shit i said last time we talked about janey not being literally the most evil person we knew or whatever ROXY: i guess i was hopped up on arguin or somethin since that was before we hit our conversational vibe bc of course u were right and i shoulda listened

Ouch. Yeah, we saw just lately just how far off the deep end she was. (Where was that funny upd8 reaction art summarizing the bit where Kanaya was holding Tavros hostage and Jane was transparently debating “hmm do I let my son die?” and Kanaya and Tavros were just looking at each-other flat-mouthed nervous? I REALLY wanted to share that but I don’t usually want to reblog or put most stuff HS^2 not under a read-more, for spoiler purposes, usually.)

ROXY: im just glad ur ok ROXY: or like alive JOHN: yeah, jury's still out on "ok" but, you know. ROXY: ya ROXY: u said ur house is gone?? JOHN: yep. JOHN: completely. ROXY: jeez ROXY: i would ask how ur feelin but like the answer 2 that has got 2b "prtty bad"

Talk it ouuuut~~ get those feels out there and articulated john

JOHN: yeah. JOHN: i mean. JOHN: no? JOHN: it’s weird. JOHN: it feels like it should be a bigger deal, I guess? JOHN: like it’s my HOUSE. JOHN: but mostly it always felt like my dad’s house? JOHN: and when i started living there after i moved out of here, it was like i crammed myself back into whatever was left of my kid self? JOHN: and it didn’t feel good, but it at least was familiar, you know? JOHN: like living there let me feel closer to my dad, trying to be like the way i remember him, or like how i remember him wanting me to be, or something? JOHN: and i didn’t realize how much i hated doing that until i saw it all go up in flames. JOHN: so i guess i could have used my powers to stop the fire and save whatever was left of the place, but i couldn’t bring myself to do it. JOHN: like some fucked up part of me was glad i got there too late? JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison. JOHN: and even now i keep trying to explain it away, as though it’s because of how fucked up everything else is that it made me feel good. JOHN: but that’s just bullshit. JOHN: it DID feel good. JOHN: i DO feel free. JOHN: sorry.

I was kind of saying some Breath/Blood stuff at the time of him losing his last tie to his stubborn sticking-to-his-kid-self bit? Except now we’re mixing it in with June Egbert and his gender-identity questions too.

ROXY: no need 2 apologize ROXY: we just delved in2 my whole gender thing last time so it seems fine for u to have a turn JOHN: i didn’t say it was a gender thing.

Oh shit

ROXY: well no i just meant like i did some sharing ROXY: like referrin 2 the topic i brought up when we chatted last ROXY: but like now that u mention it ROXY: *meaningful pause* JOHN: … JOHN: i JOHN: ROXY: lol well we can move on 2 the favor part if youd rather ROXY: stick a lil pin in that topic n come back 2 it when u have had sleep

Are you just INCREDIBLY incisive Roxy or have you and John talked about this before?

ROXY: like i said the other day its not like this shits figureoutable in 1 sitting anyways JOHN: yeah... ROXY: sooooooo ROXY: movin on

It’s just fine for Roxy to slow-roll this yeah, if she’s going to pry open that door a little

ROXY: dont be mad but theres a part of the house u didnt know abt the whole time u lived here JOHN: what? ROXY: yea ROXY: i got a secret lair ROXY: for my sciences

OH FUCK YES SCIENCE LAB, of COURSE Roxy would want a cool science lab basement because she always wants a cool science lab basement

ROXY: and i get to it via a transportalizer underneath our bed ROXY: which is 2 heavy 2 move by my lonesome so i just needed to borrow some o your aforementioned powers of wind

Okay no. Wait. What the fuck?

First of all, as funny and MSPaintAdventures-y as furniture being in the way of things is, why would you block it with a bed too heavy to move, but,

Second of all, more importantly, how is a GOD-TIER ROXY not strong enough to lift a heavy bed?!?!?!? Either she’s lying to get John involved in things or this is a gendered cop-out because these characters are superheroes at the TOP of their echeladders, given obnoxiously powerful video-game strength and athletics only to then have ascended into DEITIES. God-Tier Roxy could probably have lifted a bed like that when she was SEVENTEEN! And now she’s an ADULT, out-of-shape or otherwise! If this were a whole CAR I might be willing to handwave it, but just a heavy BED?!? And none of the GUYS are going to have this much trouble lifting a bed like this, are they?? This just feels like following classic cartoony gender tropes in the complete absence of these characters’ super powers, what the fuck, and also Roxy if you didn’t make it Transportalizer-only access you could have given it an entrance you could phase through with your fancy powers to get to. FUCK.

This feels stupid.

ROXY: so if u dont mind woosh away JOHN: uh ok, well... JOHN: a secret science lair, sure, i can deal with that. JOHN: why not! JOHN: it doesn’t work out great when i do the windy thing indoors, though. ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

You’re already THIS sensitive about gendertalk?

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push ROXY: we both got sick muscles ROXY: no other adjectives necessary JOHN: yeah ok. ROXY: on 3?

Please, please reinforce the idea that they both have sick strength, because they fucking do and the idea that Roxy actually a hundred percent NEEDED John to do this is BS.

> (==>)

JOHN: holy shit? ROXY: sorry to lop yet another huge scoop onto ur lil brains ice cream revelation sundae JOHN: so wait, if this thing's always been under the bed, how’d you get down here before without me? ROXY: well thats neither here nor there john JOHN: i mean it is kinda. Here. ROXY: fine ok checkmate ROXY: i dont ACTUALLY need ur nerdgrit for this escapade ROXY: like im sorry but i said it ROXY: i mostly just wanted to see you and show u wats down here

THANK FUCKING CHRIST.

If that wasn’t actually just a lie to get him involved I was going to stay SO mad. Of COURSE Roxy can move a fucking BED no matter how heavy it is. OF COURSE.

ROXY: and also uve been ~sent for~ JOHN: ok but like ROXY: john i am inviting u 2 my inner sanctum ROXY: i am literally bringing out the word "sanctum" in case u werent already clued in 2 how cool this is ROXY: so do u wanna go into my secret lair or wat JOHN: yeah!? JOHN: yes? i guess? ROXY: aight good

Yes John of course you want to stop fighting it

ROXY: then as they told me in the hospital before lil h a was born ROXY: just push

eyeroll, but yeah, of course

> (==>)

Oh cool, sprite form version of her loungewear.

> (==>)

Sorry for my compulsion to post every full-frame image of Roxy in this awesome outfi-WERE YOU KEEPING CALLIOPE UNDER YOUR BED THIS WHOLE TIME?!?????

That’s like... almost a fucking metaphor isn’t it???? For the relationship you preferred in the other timeline and possibly THIS one TOO or

ROXY: hey callieee i got him ROXY: o damn john sorry i shoulda also told u callies here weve been hangin out again ROXY: 1 more freak for ur bean

Oh huh, so this isn’t an always thing. And these two can get close in more than one timeline where it would’ve worked out nicely. :)

JOHN: oh it's ok, my bean feels pretty well adjusted to freakage at this point so keep them coming if you like! ROXY: k cool i will JOHN: do i get to know what that big thing under the sheet is? ROXY: hmmmmmm no JOHN: oh ok. JOHN: are you sure? i mean, it seems like a pretty prominent feature of the room. JOHN: space. JOHN: wherever we are. ROXY: and a totally mysterious n COMPLETELY inconspicuous feature it will have to remain for now ROXY: we r kinda in a hurry here fyi ROXY: and by that i mean ROXY: we are in precisely the amount of hurry that means im excused from having to a that specific q rn JOHN: right, sorry. JOHN: i will pay no attention to the object behind the curtain. ROXY: u catch on fast egbert ROXY: anyway theres more cool info coming so just follow me

I don’t have any big theories. Is it just the Hiveswap device or something? If Calliope helped with it it’d help explain the Cherubic theme.

> (==>)

JOHN: so... this is all downstairs? JOHN: it seems like you had a lot of work done. ROXY: well no not x actly ROXY: were in the old meteor JOHN: under the house??? ROXY: ok so ROXY: in hindsight it may have been a bit misleading 2 say like ROXY: "downstairs" ROXY: in reference to a place which is hells of buried underground and may not actually be literally under the house ROXY: but there is no time to explain all that rn john so instead im going to refer u to my adorable little green friend here CALLIOPE: #U_U# ROXY: (hehe) CALLIOPE: *AHEM* CALLIOPE: hi john! CALLIOPE: long time no see. ^u^

Cherubs just really like dark cavelike places full of weird tech don’t they.

> (==>)

THEY’RE SO CUTE

JOHN: oh, uh. hey callie! JOHN: it sure has been a while huh. JOHN: now that i think about it, the last time the three of us hung out like this... CALLIOPE: was when i was aggressively third wheeling yoUr prenUptial coUrtship? CALLIOPE: if yoU dont mind, john, i'd rather not rehash that period of oUr lives. CALLIOPE: it was more than a little painfUl for me. JOHN: oh. JOHN: god, jeez, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to-- CALLIOPE: hee hee john i am only pUlling yoUr leg, don't worry. CALLIOPE: if anything i was personally a little thrilled with how things shook oUt in that respect. CALLIOPE: imagine, if yoU will, a yoUng cherUb raised in solitUde, whose only solace was the convolUted and tUmUltUoUs romantic schemata she projected onto her only friends from another Universe. CALLIOPE: and then fUrther imagine that this yoUng cherUb, throUgh varioUs even *more* convolUted contrivances, ended Up in the company of those selfsafe friends as an eqUal participant in their sphere of social discoUrse! CALLIOPE: it is a joy the like of which yoU possibly cannot fathom. u_u

Reinforcing that things turning out this way was in fact the FANTASY that Calliope was writing over in the Canon timeline. Just, heavily, HEAVILY implied that the Candy timeline is -- or at least originated as -- Calliope’s fanfiction as a Muse of Space, and its competition for audience interest with canon is the essential conflict between alt!Calliope and Dirk (or Dirk and Andrew Hussie).

CALLIOPE: so to pUt it simply, getting to experience sUch emotional drama myself was an impossibly enriching experience. CALLIOPE: possibly a first for my species! CALLIOPE: it's actUally qUite interesting, if yoU ROXY: *nudge* CALLIOPE: oh, right. yes. i'm getting a little carried away, haha. CALLIOPE: argh, i'm sorry, this is not how i planned to begin this vital conversation.

Vital conversation? What sorta truth-bombs are coming?

CALLIOPE: but to sUmmarise, what i was trying to say is: CALLIOPE: don't beat yourself Up aboUt it john. CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr. CALLIOPE: so i consider Us aboUt even at this point. JOHN: hahaha!!! JOHN: okay, well that's good to know! CALLIOPE: ^u^

Holy SHIT that was savage! And we’ll NEVER know whether or not she really intended it so savagely, either.~

JOHN: so um... JOHN: i hear that there's this big secret thing you wanna tell me about? CALLIOPE: oh right, yes of course! CALLIOPE: let me jUst say first of all how thrilled i am that yoU're on board. CALLIOPE: i wasn't sUre if yoUr natUral inclinations woUld have preclUded yoUr coming to such a place as this, and yet here yoU are. CALLIOPE: this whole endeavoUr will be *so* mUch easier with yoUr help.

Uh oh.

Hopefully babies aren’t involved.

JOHN: oh! well, shucks. JOHN: not really sure what that means but i'm just glad to be of use somewhere, haha. JOHN: which, speaking of somewhere, CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are. CALLIOPE: how much do yoU know aboUt black holes? JOHN: um... like, the big space things? CALLIOPE: they aren't always big actUally, and in fact their relative smallness is practically their defining qUality. JOHN: oh. CALLIOPE: bUt okay i think we are on the same page. CALLIOPE: so, what if i told yoU that we are inside of a black hole right now.

Oh dear, we’re getting into the canon/noncanon divide?

JOHN: um... JOHN: like, HERE? JOHN: we just transportalized into a black hole? CALLIOPE: no, i mean, what if oUr whole WORLD was inside a black hole. JOHN: ok.

Yeah, that’s gonna be John’s reaction. “ok.” Pretty much inevitable.

CALLIOPE: earth c, or at least oUr version of it, has, from the moment we crossed the victory threshold, been inside a black hole. JOHN: ok. CALLIOPE: and not just any black hole, bUt the very black hole in which the green sUn Ultimately met its demise, allowing oUr victory in the first instance! JOHN: huh! ROXY: ("huh!") ROXY: (rofl my fucking ao egbert) JOHN: (shhhh!)

And Roxy enjoys his non-reaction reactions as much as we do, hehe.

CALLIOPE: bUt, paradoxically, the critical moment which determined its capture within the black hole happened *after* that point. CALLIOPE: i refer of coUrse to yoUr decision not to retUrn to the mediUm and fight my brother. JOHN: wait, wait. JOHN: you mean, the meat and candy thing? JOHN: oh my god. JOHN: you mean i actually DID make a mistake that day. CALLIOPE: well, that's not exactly what that-- JOHN: ugh, i fucking KNEW it! JOHN: i'm so sorry. JOHN: i'm so sorry that i put the earth inside a black hole everyone. ): ROXY: john ROXY: listen ROXY: u have got to get out of this mindset i am begging you JOHN: ):

Yeah shake him out of this shit.

ROXY: your choice literally didnt matter ROXY: the whole thing was symbolic in the first place ROXY: literally symbolic in the case of the picnic i mean come on ROXY: it was just some steak and a plate of candy suckers JOHN: oh. CALLIOPE: i mean, i wouldn't go so far as to say that the meal we shared was unimportant, given the sacred significance of the two options i presented. CALLIOPE: but yes, yoUr choice of snack was infinitely less important than the choice which it presaged. CALLIOPE: and even then, calling it a choice woUld be sorely misleading. CALLIOPE: think of it like a coin flip. CALLIOPE: the series of events that led to Us being trapped beyond the event horizon of an Ubermassive black hole could be considered "tails", while the events which would have occUrred otherwise could be considered "heads". CALLIOPE: since both were possible, and paradox space is the way it is, they actUally both happened. and we jUst "happened" (hee hee) to get tails instead of heads. JOHN: you mean we ended up with the bad possibility. CALLIOPE: not at all! since both possibilities depend on one another's existence, it really doesn't make sense to call them "right" or "wrong". they both just "are". JOHN: o...kay... CALLIOPE: u_u

Yeah, it’s going to take a bit more than that to convince him he didn’t make the “wrong decision”.

CALLIOPE: i realise that this may be a lot to process. CALLIOPE: it's easy to forget that this wasn't obvioUs to everyone from the beginning. CALLIOPE: anyway, the reason i went on this tangent in the first place was to explain that the space we are standing in right now has a special significance, in that it is the location which corresponds to the black hole's singUlarity. JOHN: oh, wow. JOHN: um. JOHN: ok so, sorry if this is a dumb question to ask suddenly, but what does being inside of a black hole actually... mean for us? JOHN: is that bad? JOHN: is it like in movie, um, JOHN: shoot. JOHN: roxy what was that matthew mcconaughey movie from your earth that we watched? ROXY: u mean interstellar JOHN: RIGHT. JOHN: the one with the organ. JOHN: man. i cried at that movie so much. ROXY: lol u can say that again ROXY: iirc at least part of y u got so weepy was the fact that u couldnt believe a version of earth existed where ppl got 2 watch more mcconaughey films than you JOHN: listen. JOHN: i simply don't think you all appreciated the gift you were given. CALLIOPE: i don't believe i'm familiar with this particular film ^u^;; ROXY: oh dont worry cal you didnt miss much JOHN: (gasp)

This is all gold

ROXY: but the important point is that no its not really an interstellar type situation here egbert ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love JOHN: aw.

Dammit, now we have to be on the lookout for that possibility. Or it did sort of already happen more than once to John. ...Whatever.

CALLIOPE: to go back to your original question, john. CALLIOPE: it's not strictly speaking "bad" for Us to be inside of a black hole, mUch thoUgh that contradicts most of what anyone knows about them. CALLIOPE: of coUrse, if we had fallen into it, that woUld be a whole other kettle of fish. CALLIOPE: the tidal forces woUld have stretched Us all into spaghetti and then ripped us apart! CALLIOPE: bUt the natUre of oUr arrival was more akin to simply "being" here, sUddenly. one moment we were not, and the next moment we were, and somehow always had been. CALLIOPE: in everyday, practical terms, being inside of a black hole has very little bearing on Us. CALLIOPE: i mean, the natUre of space and time is a little finicky in here, bUt for the most part it doesn't seem to be anything too oUt of the ordinary. CALLIOPE: bUt beyond that, it means that we are sealed away from the rest of existence. CALLIOPE: oUr sphere of inflUence is limited to the sphere of the black hole's bounding horizon. CALLIOPE: as far as everyone else is concerned, we might as well not even exist! JOHN: is there no way we could let anyone know that we're in here...? CALLIOPE: almost certainly not!

No? So this doesn’t have to do with the divide?

CALLIOPE: there are very few ways for anything to escape the kind of predicament that we are in right now. one of them is to be an all-powerfUl being with control over the very fabric of space, with the energy of two Universes at yoUr disposal. CALLIOPE: in which case, escape woUld become rather trivial, if a little Unscientific. JOHN: ok. i am going to assume that we can't just do that. CALLIOPE: yoU've hit the nail on the head, UnfortUnately. U_U CALLIOPE: the method i described was the one employed by my alternate self, who yoU may recall crashed through the event horizon in the body that once belonged to jade harley. CALLIOPE: she departed through a pUnctUre she created in the black hole's surface shortly after consUming my brother, a deed which provided her with the necessary "oomph", and which was frankly rather breathtaking to watch. =u= CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

What the heck? Calliope SAW all this? Is this her Muse powers at work, letting her observe these things, or was she there? And John certainly did NOT see ANY of what Calliope just said happen.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

So we’re going to find that out if we haven’t already. Maybe something to do with the way Vrissy just conks out narcoleptically?

JOHN: ...right. JOHN: so... let me just get this straight. JOHN: knowing that we're inside of a black hole... does that actually change anything? JOHN: like, can't we just go on living like normal? CALLIOPE: oh absolUtely not. CALLIOPE: i don't know if yoU've noticed john bUt this world is on the brink of a total cataclysm. JOHN: oh.

Um, what?

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval. CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality. CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u JOHN: that's... certainly one way to put it, yeah...

No plot-armor for your entire timeline, I guess, yep. Outside of canon, we can imagine and write about ANYTHING happening to the characters, or just drop their existence entirely, much like a doomed offshoot timeline. It’s a plot stability that depended heavily on the threat of Lord English and being trapped in a story, and without it things are bound to see a BIT chaotic (or “degrading” if you view it as subjected to the whims of fanfic writers, certainly).

CALLIOPE: at first, i believed that this was simply necessary. Us playing tails to oUr coUnterparts' heads, the black to their white, and so forth. CALLIOPE: bUt over the years i have come to the conclUsion that this is simply not kosher. ROXY: its total bs is what it is CALLIOPE: right, yes. CALLIOPE: a steaming pile of bUllshite. CALLIOPE: and so we have decided that something needs to be done aboUt it.

Ah fuck. You’re going to regulate non-canon? “Canonize” it? Is the fact that you eventually succeed at whatever it is you’re trying to do part of why we have the story presented to us in this bifurcated structure?

ROXY: this is finally where u come in jegbert ROXY: we gots quests for yous CALLIOPE: hee hee, yes. CALLIOPE: or *a* quest, to be specific. JOHN: oh boy! ROXY: (this fkin nerd i s2g)

Roxy and Calliope setting him on this quest as a Rogue of Void and a Muse of Space feels fitting.

JOHN: i'm not sure how i can go about freeing us from a hellish space prison, but i'm up for giving it a try i guess? JOHN: i have... literally nothing better to be doing at this point. except for maybe hanging out with harry anderson. ROXY: nice save lol

YEAH WE’RE STILL GLOSSING OVER HOW YOU LEFT HIM UNPROTECTED, JERK

ROXY: but u dont need to worry abt busting us outta space jail tbh ROXY: thats not ur problem to fix JOHN: oh. JOHN: i'm... not sure i follow, then. ROXY: i mean yeah ur gonna obvs facilitate it in a sense ROXY: but only by going and busting the person who can actually help us outta normal earth jail CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity. ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan. CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more. CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it. CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak. CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself? CALLIOPE: ... CALLIOPE: phew. okay, i'm finished. CALLIOPE: CALLIOPE: sorry, that took longer than i expected to go throUgh.

..............................

OOooooh, kay.

Whatever this is, it’s going to be really weird and PROBABLY infuriating and/or shippy, and I’m probably not going to like it. Plus it seems like it’s some sort of inverse belated canonization of some other black-hole-rescue theories I went on about at some point. Although, related to that link, “aspect of freedom” if anyone wasn’t paying attention! That’s a (sorta-)canon mention of the purpose of it!

They’re going to attention-wh-- attention-hog themselves out of the black hole so that they’re “considered canon” too, or close enough. Huh.

ROXY: what r u talking about cals that was great ROXY: i could listen 2 u plotsplain for years CALLIOPE: oh you >u< ROXY: fyi this was why i wanted u to get a move on eggbread ROXY: so callie could have more time 2 infodump ROXY: thats love bitchhhhhh JOHN: hahaha. JOHN: ok, well, i think i understood all that?

Love with who? Callie, John, both?

In reality, John isn’t sure what most of this means. But on balance, it feels okay? He’s gone back and forth about a hundred times in the last week about where his place in everything is, so he might as well ride this out. Plus, the last time a Lalonde kind of told him to do something, he thinks that he chose not to, and look where that got him. And it’s not like he has other plans. He may as well do this! It’s at least going to get him involved in things again, if nothing else. He turns to go, and then hears a sound. It’s the sound of feet and knocking on doors, echoed through stone and digital static.

Oh shit. Is Andrew trapped behind some fourth walls behind the curtains.

> (==>)

Oh RIGHT also that DEVICE is where they want to bring Vriska. Are they going to overturn part of canon itself with a super-retcon thus making this timeline unbelievably relevant or--? Maybe make all the PESTERQUESTS canon or something?! I don’t know. Maybe they’re INTENTIONALLY starting the game like Vriska wanted to??????

Guh, this is something so big that I don’t WANT to theorize about it, do I.

JOHN: did you hear that? ROXY: wha ROXY: oh yeah uh ROXY: i may have messaged rose and kan and jade to check on them too ROXY: so its prob onea them showin up ROXY: they don’t need to know bout all this tho ROXY: we got time to chat with them b4 u go get vriska

No, even if it’s a knock at the somehow-top-level-house-even-under-buried-- oh, right, maybe it’s covering in part a monitoring system that looks up there. But still, part of that sound was DOUBTLESS these two hiding something, all standing in front of the curtain like that.

JOHN: i’ll go stall em. ROXY: thx babe ROXY: oh is it 2 soon for that joke or JOHN: no, weirdly enough, that one’s fine. ROXY: oh good ok see u up there soon!

How is calling your significant other “babe” not cool REGARDLESS of gender?! Like wasn’t that always cool? --Oh wait is it because they’re not together or... but... guh, I don’t know.

Anyway, see y’all after the holidays at least.

#Homestuck #hs2 #Homestuck Liveblog #upd8 #Homestuck^2 #spoiler #spoilers #Roxy Lalonde #John Egbert #Calliope

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journeysintowebcomics · 5 years

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Homestuck Epilogues - Epilogue

Surpriiiise, the liveblog for the Homestuck epilogues ends here, even though I have read only one half. Here, allow me to give you my thoughts and reasoning! After all, I did decide to liveblog for a reason. Let’s see, where to start...

So, allow me to give my general opinion about the epilogue.

I didn’t really enjoy it much. Honestly, in terms of liking Homestuck, it drags my opinion down a little further. It’s rather unusual, though...the epilogues are well written, they’re interesting to read, and the situations aren’t dull at all. The characters go through a lot of situations and the emotions are so raw you feel them. By all means it sounds like they would be quite the masterpiece, no?

After thinking it, I came to the conclusion that the reason why I didn’t enjoy the epilogue despite how good it was is because it didn’t feel like something that’d be part of Homestuck.

Throughout most of it I had this insistent sensation of reading something that’s slightly off. The conclusion I have reached is that this epilogue feels like the author (or authors, because turns out there’s more than one. That was mentioned in the prologue I failed to read, haha) thought of situations and roles and then tried to make the character fit them, instead of making the situations fit the characters. Nothing wrong with assigning roles to characters, of course! The problem is when you have to force the characters in to the point where it feels like something’s wrong.

I figure part of the reason why things feel off is because there were several authors, too. I don’t know if only one handled each character or what, but it does explain a character may be handled differently than how the original author would.

Something else that kind of makes the epilogues not work likely is that, well, it kind of feels the authors didn’t...really seem to notice just how bleak things were? Like, once again, even at its bleakest Homestuck had this sliver of hope that showed that things would be fine. I don’t mean everything has to be okay for the characters or anything like that, what I mean is that a story shouldn’t feel like the author or authors are writing something for the sake of crushing the characters until they’re mincemeat. Hussie was pretty good in not letting Homestuck feel like it was misfortune for the sake of misfortune, even when things were definitely grim.

Here, I’ll give a couple examples: Terezi, through some clever directions, got John killed by the denizens, Jade is missing and most likely dead because she couldn’t enter the session, and Dave and Rose are trapped in a session that can go nowhere. That by all means is a pretty bad situation, no? In a way it’s similar to how in the meat epilogue John is dead, Jade is unlikely to get back to normal, Rose is kidnapped, and Dave is the only one who can do something about it. So what’s the difference?

The difference is that, in the first situation, it doesn’t feel like the characters have hit a brick wall in their lives.

I believe it’s partly because it was the end of Homestuck, pretty much. Nothing else will come after this – maybe? Possibly? Hah, who knows. But that’s not the only reason, though. Even though John and Jade had died, everything indicated Rose and Dave could do something about it. Likewise, Dave would be instrumental on doing that, and although Rose was the only one who was kind of screwed, it felt she had agency and helped set things right. Now, compare that to the situation in the meat epilogue.

John is dead and it’s pretty unlikely he can be revived, given how it’s said it’s ‘theoretically possible’, which is far from a guarantee, so he’s as good as gone. Rose by now may be inside a robot, and given her situation and affliction, it’s rather unlikely she can be transferred back into her body, so she’ll have to cope with being in a metallic tin forever, and that’s supposing whatever Dirk did to her brain can be undone when he dies. Jade likely will have to stay possessed by Dead Calliope in order to ensure nobody else can take over the narrative. Dave is the only one who is kind of okay, really. Do you see the difference?

I’m not asking for there to be a clear way for the characters to get out of their problems, or for nothing bad to happen to them. It just is that, well, everything they went through seems to have been carefully engineered to leave them for the worse.

Pretty much all the characters had some sort of disgrace in the meat epilogue. I already mentioned the Wonderkids’ fates, so I won’t repeat them. Jane won the presidency and now is cheerfully descending the slippery slope towards turning into a human version of the Condesce. Jake is pretty much a slave to Jane, not taken seriously by anyone, and it’s implied he’ll be kind of a sexual slave to her whenever she wants one. Dirk is the villain and has doomed himself to dying by Dave’s hands, all while deluding himself about how this was the only way to do whatever he’s doing. Kanaya got her wife kidnapped and things likely won’t be the same due to the changes on Rose. Terezi is incredibly depressed and carrying John’s corpse in a wallet. Calliope is traumatized, locked in a room, and doing nothing but painting on the walls.

Out of everyone, Roxy and Karkaroni are pretty much the only ones who didn’t end worse than when they started.

So, now that I addressed the complaint I had about the meat epilogue, allow me to talk about the good things this epilogue had.

Honestly, leaving aside what I mentioned about characters and about how off it all felt, I definitely think it was pretty well-written. Other than the strangely descriptive meat-eating, the use of the wording is effective. Also, the situations were interesting and it made me want to read more, and if this weren’t the end of the story, I’d want to find out more. The many smaller plotlines were handled well, and it didn’t feel like any character other than the Calliope who is alive got pushed aside for convenience. Rarely a story can handle a large number of characters without making a few be so prominent they make everyone else look like background filling instead of characters in their own right, but here they managed to make almost all characters matter in the story.

The ending was satisfying in some manner even though it was an open ending. It felt rather appropriate and I loved it, honestly. The adventure goes on! And the way the story closed with that bizarre postscript made clear no more can be expected to be written about these characters. In terms of ending, I found it rather nice. Open-ended but not too open-ended, unlike Act 7. I think the difference between these two endings is that the epilogue didn’t have something hyped up for three thousand pages, unlike Homestuck with the Lord English fight. The meat epilogue ending left open threads but none of them was the elephant in the room, so to say. Do you understand what I’m saying? Everything the epilogue was about was solved in some manner – the fight with Lord English, the president of earth elections, and Dirk’s takeover of the narrative – so all that was left open in the end was the characters facing something new, even if it was a consequence of the plotlines of the meat epilogue. That’s the way an open ending should be like, I say.

Overall I think if this was a standalone story with its own characters, world and logic, it’d be a pretty damn good short story and I’d have loved it to bits. I said it before and I say it again: the downfall of this epilogue is that the Homestuck characters don’t fit well the roles they have here.

So, now what?

I thiiiink I won’t liveblog the Candy liveblog. Based on what I have already read on it, it doesn’t seem like my general opinions would change much. The situations are shaping up to be different than the ones in the meat epilogue, but I keep having that persistent feeling everything’s off. I have decided in my own time I will read the candy epilogue and the prologue I didn’t see until I was told it existed, but I won’t liveblog my opinions. Is it deceitful of me to stop the liveblog here? Maybe. But in the end, well, that’s how I think I will maximize my enjoyment of what’s left of the epilogues, so it’s for the best.

So, this is the final update for Homestuck, most likely. I like the thought of considering the meat epilogue the canon ending for Homestuck due to the sense of finality it has. Not the brightest ending ever, but it’s an ending that feels more...ending-y than Act 7, I’d say. So yeah! I’m glad I chose to read these epilogues despite the myriad of negative opinions I heard both from messages I received in my inbox and from friends.

Thank you very much for reading these few updates! From the next update on this website onwards, we’ll return to our regular programming.

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #webcomics #liveblog #webcomic liveblog

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bramblepaws · 5 years

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the Last of the Candy....

the Vriska (Vriska) conversation was interesting but it also threw into sharp relief the fact that (Vriska) is still a literal teenager and just had sex with a literal middle-aged clown so, homestuck is fucking canceled actually,

oh word. also i really like Vriska’s typing quirk because she types like a millennial :/

also the vrisrezi content is .. good

im gonna be that bitch but haha i found a typo

im enjoying roxy telling john that he’s an idiot and she could fuck up her own life just fine, thanks very much, because mood. but im also glad to hear she likes it? im tired. but im glad roxy feels real again. but i still don’t know what the Fucke is going on

THIS feels right. this feels good. he hasn’t, and it’s been weird that the epilogue has been treating john as “the main character.” he’s never been the main character! just the first one.

ugh but i hate that! i want life to make sense! i want there to be narrative beats that we can follow and fall into! i want to know what the fuck is going on so i can take the next step. why ISNT life like a video game, where the next quest is a bullet-point on the map and the parameters are outlined for you to follow. I want to be able to choose but I want to know where i’m going. you know?

hm. this is a good point and i am glad it’s gearing towards this.

i like this. also really enjoying the mulling she’s doing over gender. feels good feels organic.

i want to take this to heart but i’m. Resisting. how does hussie know my age. is he among us? how does he know us so well............. Hussie If You’re Reading This--

good..........

aw man now we’re in DaveJade land. i think the biggest thing i ache for with how they turned out in this timeline is that... their friendship.. just got crushed under the heel of whatever the romantic relationship is. they were so good as friends. i miss just seeing them interact as friends.

oh shit i can’t believe Obama is a hope player

aw man of all the people that have to worry about selves i wish dave wasn’t one of them. he’s done that enough.

first: i see it. i see the image of hologram obama doing this. hussie truly is a master of words.

second: i know literally a BUNCH of the cast is bi already and this makes the most sense for Dave as a character, but i am still a bit... sad. disappointed? i wanted dave to be bi so, so badly. i wanted him to be bi and STILL be in love with Karkat and not be in love with Jade. i wanted him to not be in love with Jade because he wasn’t in love with jade and was actually in love with karkat, not because he doesn’t like women. blows air out my nose. i dunno.

holy shit

m...mistew pwesident??

DID DIRK AND MR OBAMA FUCK:?!!!!!!!!!!?!?!?!

oh okay so Rose was collapsing under the stresses of the ultimate self when we first started out, but she gave up her ultimate self when John chose candy. ok.

also this feels like... God Tier Squared. also obama is there.

i do still very much enjoy aradia, though she has felt a tad “off” during this session as well. a parody of herself, almost? maybe? just like... Her Traits But.. from the past & repeated. maybe that’s just because she didn’t say very much up til now though

hmmm okay so this is going to be something about the changing of the medium and the Narrative? also it is interesting to compare them, honestly, because when Not Jade says it, it becomes something... not UNTRUE, but LESS true. when the objective narrative says something, it is 100% factual. i think it’s going to be interesting to go from candy to meat... since from my skim-through of meat there’s a lot of narrative that ISN’T objective, it’s still being told by the characters. but if it’s being told by a character, that DOES change the level of truth... to something. LESS true.

also Not Jade’s right, i haven’t been paying attention to the differences until she asked us to. generally i think my personal subconscious understanding of the differences would be.... the characters are telling me things that i have to sift through and lift meaning of, and the narrator is telling me The Meaning as well as the objective truth of events that are happening. characters slant it. the narrative slants it in a way that’s more purposeful? but no, that doesn’t even make sense, because of course the narrative is implied to be “in charge” of the characters speaking as well. so both have a similar PURPOSE. it’s just in how we sift the meaning out. hmmm. i have to think on this more.

“almost like one of your own thoughts speaking to you” implies something along the lines of... the narrative has more ability to get through our natural safeguards against some level of influence? because if a character is saying something, we’re going to interpret the meaning and the intent through the lens of how we feel about the character. like i have some animosity towards not-jade, but i feel she is presented as being wise and generally well-intentioned, so i’m open to hearing this. i ALSO feel as though she’s being used as a voice for the narrative at the moment, so i’m taking her words at face value.

with gamzee, on the other hand, and with all of his “redemption arc” stuff, there was a VERY different interpretation. because the things about redemption were coming through him, i interpreted the narrative as using him to be facetious about redemption arcs in general. gamzee was portrayed as an absurd character both in the canon and in the epilogue, and that paired with the emptiness of his words about redemption led to... me not taking his literal words as a message of the narrative. it was a joke, which meant that the Redemption Arc is something that the narrative thinks gamzee doesn’t deserve, and possibly something that the narrative thinks is impractical and empty.

so. not-jade might be making a point about how the narrative uses characters to communicate aspects of itself in different ways? and how the narrative itself is a step outside of that, and we just take what it says at face value. at least, more at face value than any of the character dialogue.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... so now ... we are talking about the choice to make homestuck a mostly character-voice-based medium?

yes..... this is good and interesting. and interesting in that it paints a clear picture of the fact that even the narrative has an agenda, we’re just.. not conscious of it in the same way.

(also if you can’t tell im REALLY enjoying this section, i love theoretical meta bullshit like this)

yeah exactly! but then pointing this out makes you want to look over the whole thing and wonder what the intent was. Hussie, what was your intent?

hmmmmmm.......

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM INTERESTING

are the two timelines going to converge? i actually don’t even kno if dirk is like alive by the end of the other one but i gotta ASSUME he is. since i’ve seen people talking about him being The Big Bad. also it’s interesting that.. the post-scratch kids are. the ones that are like The Villains. why not Jade? why not Rose? does it have something to do with how late in the game we met them, or is it more that they’re the ones that still had hugely open-ended character arcs? rose and jade got their chances to be evil? it’s been too long since i read homestuck, i don’t even remember where any of them were by the end.

#text #hs ramblings #epilogue liveblog #homestuck

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swordstrider · 5 years

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Epilogue Thoughts

Well, throughout the clusterfuck of meme reblogs, it’s finally time for me to pull up a velvet cushioned chair and discuss the “tales of dubious authenticity”. As such, there will naturally be spoilers pertaining to both the meat and candy routes, although I’ll focus more on meat, since I actually read a hell of a lot more there than I did with candy. Continue under the cut if you wish.

Since it’s the shortest possible spiel I have to offer, I’ll get the candy route out of the way first. My read-through of the epilogues began with this one, although I only lasted through eight chapters before promptly giving up. The reason for this, is, well... The candy route is just a mess, as it is 100% likely supposed to be. What I had expected from it was what some in the fandom have naturally ascribed to Homestuck’s candy metaphor; Fluff, romance, friendship, happiness, low plot, and so on.

However, it’s clear to me that candy itself extends into something more... sour, if you will, and I suppose it should have been blatant from the get-go, what with trickster mode being apparent in the comic. I only have remnants of memories from those few chapters, as well as commentary from fans which I took into account, and it’s naturally fucking insane. I don’t think I necessarily have to prattle too long on the matter, but, wow. It really does seem like the next edition of trickster mode, and that’s just too far for me, for various reasons. Although I didn’t spend much time preoccupied with the candy route, I’m essentially summarizing it as maximum craziness to a very disturbing degree, and as such, I’m not going to involve myself any further with it. As far as I’m concerned, it never “really” happened from my own point of view, despite it being an option likely disposed to... some potentially canon element to it? I don’t even know anymore. All I can truly attribute to this particular route is a metaphorical, sugarcoated mess on my lawn that I never really wanted in the first place, let alone anticipated.

Moving on to the meat route, there’s naturally a fucking lot that I can talk about here. I suppose you could say... this one will be the real meat of this post. Haha, funny.

Anyway, as you may have guessed, I continued onward with this route a bit after clawing my way through barely eight chapters of the candy route. I did it this way since, if I remember correctly, this particular order was recommended by V, or someone else involved with the production of the epilogues. I think such an order was... an okay choice? I didn’t feel particularly affected by it in hindsight, but I feel as though the upgraded prose and general non-wackiness made me feel somewhat better after the sinister experience of the candy route.

I’ll progress by listing the things that I enjoyed or liked about the meat route first.

1) As I mentioned before, I’m quite sure the prose and convoluted narrative were toned up quite a lot here, along with being linear and not feeling like a mess beyond rectifying. It’s more comprehensible, in spite of about forty six chapters worth of content and so many details to catch on to. There seems to be some sort of purpose within this route, rather than the capricious nature of its complement, which is something I can respect. It still feels sort of unstable, since there’s just so much shit to grasp, but I guess I’ll let that one slide.

2) Just like Homestuck was about honesty when inspecting the struggles, conflicts, and inner workings of teenagers, I feel as though the meat route did nicely in continuing that pattern. The characters clearly still continue having conflict through their adult years, and this is especially shown throughout Terezi and John, as well as the drifting relationship of Rose and Roxy, and the isolated state that Rose and Kanaya were in with each other; Likely being so entangled with their relationship that they distanced from others slowly, yet surely. I have no experience in the range of my early twenties yet, but I have heard other people comment that this captures the particular stage well. I feel like it does, too, since individuals can naturally go through general conflicts such as distance/isolation, mental illnesses, physical or emotional ailments, and so on during any stage of their life, whether it be as a young child, a teenager, or an adult. The depictions of John’s depression felt very, very realistic, and, on a more personable level for me, relatable. The numbing of emotions, the isolation from others, his self loathing, all just... very much captured what depression is really like, in a sense. Not everyone’s experience with depression is the same, but this felt very... close to me. It feels like the first time I’ve ever seen a character depicted with such an authentic struggle with depression, and even a character with such a genuine, visible struggle as a whole. I can’t put into words how reality-based this felt. The sheer fact that even in the epilogues, the honesty that life is difficult and filled with conflict is an amazing expansion to Homestuck’s already in-depth examination of such a thing itself.

3) The relationships are yet another point I’d like to make here, particularly Dave/Karkat and John/Terezi. Dave and Karkat still have this romantic bond, even if they were cagey when admitting it for a bit. They still love each other just as much, joke around with each other, support each other, feel good with each other, understand each other, and are happy with each other. That’s a lot of fucking “each other”s, but I’ll be damned if I can’t get the point across. It’s made very clear cut that they’re still very much in love, even in spite of growing political tensions and other conflicts. As for John and Terezi, it’s shown that they have this very unique bond that no other characters quite have with each other. Sure, they joke around and poke fun at each other, but most of all, they have this deep, innate connection in sort of relating to each other, in a way. They both had experiences with numbness, sadness, depression, and their own forms of trauma, and they were able to discuss some of this with each other on a very vulnerable level during that time. They discussed things that were important to them. Their relationship is also another thing that feels very authentic; Two young adults emotionally supporting each other and just having hope that the other has their back, especially in such trying, traumatic times. This particular bond was so strong that it even went into a romantic area, which also feels realistic, because couples supporting each other, especially under such dismal circumstances, is really fucking important. Although their former forms of communication were essentially two people having fun with each other and just fucking around with each other, this showed us that John and Terezi can reach such a wonderfully vulnerable point, to the area that they just connect so much that they’re in love with each other, whether it be redrom or blackrom.

4) As for the closing positive note on the meat route, I loved alternate Calliope’s role in this. She takes on this role that is to be expected of a fully fledged Muse of Space, what with taking command over the story in lieu of Dirk, at some points. She’s become a true conductor yet again, and she’s putting one of her sole hobbies, storytelling, to work just like before, although in a more expansive way. I think it was quite creative, having her narrate many areas of the story and involving herself in efforts to protect others as much as she could.

And now, I come to the areas in the meat route that I didn’t particularly enjoy or like.

1) For starters, I do really dislike this whole “horny Jade” concept that’s enacted in this route. I realize this is because of her dog hormones, but I find it... very perturbing and disgusting that she’s forcing herself in the midst of Dave and Karkat’s relationship, likely just wanting it to deteriorate so they can provide her with... services, and such. It’s especially horrid when you consider how uncomfortable Dave and Karkat respectively seem to be when she brings such awkward topics up. They stutter, flee, and whatnot, yet she still continues, as if none of it is a blatant warning sign. I don’t really know how hormones or even dog hormones work, but... I’d appreciate a sense of social awareness for her if possible, at least down the road. It feels... off of Jade to be doing such a thing, when, even if not the most selfless of people, she is generally quite courteous and respectful of others and their boundaries. Perhaps the hormones are the cause of her seemingly nonexistent cognizance of their discomfort around her during these times, but it still... unsettles me. I suppose we’ll have to find out later, if they happen to expand upon the topic.

2) Then, there’s my... sort of antithesis to my second positive, if you will. While I did particularly enjoy the realism that this route had to offer, it feels a little too unhappy, dismal, hopeless, what have you with your dejected adjectives and the like. Certainly there are some good things, such as Dave/Karkat and John/Terezi bonds, but I feel as though, at this point, the negative state of the meat route’s narrative outweighs the positives greatly. Jane is likely a new threat to Earth C’s society, seeing as she’s this Condesce-inspired fascist and a xenophobe now in office with likely unwell schemes of her own, John is very likely dead for good and died on a very depressing note due to his mental state, Dirk is in his Ultimate Self mode and seems to have quite the advantage at the moment along with Rose as his hostage, Terezi is still depressed and conflicted, Dave and Karkat wallowed in losing the election by nearly consuming alcohol, but also by going back to their typical shut-in lives, nobody knows about John and never seemed to have supported him, aided him, or cared for him much at all in the beginning and the end, Davepetasprite^2 died, and... overall, everything is looking extremely grim. Not to say that I don’t invite conflicts, challenges, and the like to be apparent in media that I like, but it feels... empty. Hopeless. Like nothing is left, nothing is redeemable. It just felt... Too depressing, too poignant, and angsty for me. Naturally, nobody is going to resolve issues such as these overnight, and not everyone or everything in a story will necessarily be happy and perfect in the end, but this feels like such an overdrive to me. Especially since I’m going through a very troubling time in my life at the moment, it makes me feel bitter; Like none of this can be ameliorated whatsoever, and the story is doomed to be depressing and dismal forever. I simply hope it will end on a slightly better note than this in finality, even though not every single problem will be solved right away, and isn’t bound to be solved in the end. I just want some sort of hope for all of these characters.

3) I’m not sure I’d consider this a negative due to reformed views I’ve had from other posts, but... Man. Dirk, y’know? I’ll include my original thoughts and post-reform thoughts here anyway. Initially, I thought this particular Dirk was extremely OOC; Only inserted into the narrative just for last minute villain perks, or some shit like that. It felt like such a shell of Dirk’s former self in the sense that I thought this development came completely out of nowhere for no discernible reason. I thought that it was a complete oxymoron, since Dirk’s arc was supposed to detail a young man with self-loathing issues attempting to cope with his toxic alternates; To, perhaps, create a new slate for himself even in the wake of his flaws and the actions of his other iterations of himself. But I realize now that Dirk is likely undergoing a very advanced and more self-restrained form of this so called Ultimate Self. This means his original self is sort of merging consciousness with that of his alternate selves, such as Lil’ Hal, Bro Strider, ARquiusprite, and a potential sliver of Caliborn, since ARquiusprite was a part of that particular soul. These conditions considered, it very well would make for an actual villain of himself, an intimidatingly cognizant and even powerful one, too. I suppose that, as fan speculation detailed, Dirk’s Ultimate Self is not necessarily going to be the most courteous, amicable being ever. Quite the contrary, in fact. And his mannerisms begin to make sense when considering the Dave/Karkat segment Dirk had, along with his odd commentary on gender discussion. Seems very Caliborn-esque, although it may be a combination of others, too, since his consciousness is merged with multiple Dirk splinters.

4) And for my final negative, I’m going to discuss Roxy’s gender identity. A very welcome surprise, I’d say, because I also said trans rights. Anyway, my essential issue with this topic is how it’s treated within the narrative and within dialogue. It almost feels like this sort of joke from the producers of the epilogue, in a sense. Maybe the shitty “Check Your Privilege Dave” joke is still nagging at me, but I just have this odd... feeling that this isn’t being treated seriously, especially with how Terezi seems to instantaneously point the pronoun change out almost in this shitty method of humor, and how Roxy is experimenting with pronouns quite often and comes off as hesitant when they first come out as nonbinary. I’m going to take this judgement with a huge grain of salt for now, because it’s not outright offensive, and seems to have well intentions. I suppose I could easily be being a pedantic fuck, looking too hard into things and having too much apprehension. Although, if it is a joke, I’d be very disappointed to learn so, seeing as V affirmed that the crew consisted of LGBT+ people who intended to make the reading experience safe and open for the community. Still, I’m going to presume I’m being just a bit too skeptical for the moment.

That’s pretty much all of the points that stand out to me for now. I’m honestly unsure of how this epilogue will turn out or where it will go for the most part, but I’m certain there will be a continuation at some point, perhaps even with a third choice that may combine both meat and candy in a healthy way somehow, or maybe avoid both concepts altogether. Either way, I hope things turn out okay in the end, or at least that the epilogue will end on some sort of happy note, even if some conflicts and issues are still ongoing.

EDIT: Do I consider any of this to be canon, including the meat route, within my own head? No, I really don’t. It’s just... a little too far gone for my tastes, but power to ya if you like it and consider it canon. It’s also sad to see that Dirk stans are hurting from this new development within him, so honestly, I give y’all a collective pat on the back. You deserve it.

#epilogue spoilers #hs epilogue #homestuck

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deepdarkwaters · 7 years

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Kingsman: The Golden Circle

Got back from the Kingsman double bill a bit ago and am trying to put my brain into words even though I'm very tired and a bit numb and I smuggled five hours' worth of gin into the cinema in an Evian bottle so I'm as drunk as Harry at breakfast time.

OBVIOUSLY THERE ARE SPOILERS BELOW

Watching them back to back like this was interesting because it highlighted so clearly how much better the first one is than this fumbly ridiculous sequel. Not saying it's not good or not worth watching or whatever because it absolutely is worth watching for several reasons I will babble after another teacup of gin, but holy god is this really the best they could come up with? REALLY? A 100% true fact that I believe with my entire heart: YOU reading this, you are a better writer than people being paid obscene money to write films. I could easily name thirty fic writers off the top of my head right now who have an infinitely better grasp on pacing and plot and characterisation and dialogue than the people responsible for this stuff. I've not read any press or fan reviews but I imagine there's going to be a hell of a lot of backlash over so much in this from every angle because it's just so incredibly lazy and sometimes ugly and absolutely cannot stand up to its own hype.

Really good things:

* SPECTACULAR, EH!

* Eggsy/Harry and Eggsy/Merlin shippers, goddamn we have a lot of new stuff to work with. Chemistry through the roof, especially Eggsy/Harry (including possibly the best clingy desperate hug I have ever seen on film in my entire life WE HAVE WAITED SO LONG AND IT'S HERE AND IT'S BEAUTIFUL). That was the heart and backbone of the first film, I'm so relieved that it's not only survived but evolved into something fiercer and often messier. So so good to watch. Pretty sure I've got Harry/Merlin written down the inside of my heart like the words in a stick of rock, and though it's not romantic you get much more of a sense of their friendship here and it's all just a bit shattering and gorgeous.

* Pretty much everything to do with Harry's memory loss and Eggsy and Merlin trying to shock him into remembering was great, Y E S P L E A S E. And Harry's matter of fact comments about his loneliness, fuckkk. Angst writers, go forth with all this new information and break my heart some more! Fluff writers, fix him!

* Lots of beautiful intricate fight choreography which is literally all I need in my action films, so even if I did think the rest was complete balls (which I don't entirely) then I'd still be happy. Nothing comes near the vivid glorious gutpunch of the church scene as a standalone set piece, BUT there's so much Harry & Eggsy teamwork and please just inject this directly into my veins, it's amazing. Prepare for several years of me writing many more elaborate fight scenes than I already do.

* Part B to the above: Whiskey is a lot of fun and his fighting style is full on hardcore pornography to me.

* Merlin in a flawless Kingsman suit, RIP me.

* One of my Bespoke WIPs is about Merlin and Eggsy getting into the habit of going to the pub together sometimes and rolling home completely drunk with a kebab in each hand then trying to get in the house really quietly because Harry's asleep but they end up waking him because they think it'll be really nice to cook him breakfast in bed and Harry comes stomping downstairs in his dressing gown like "it's four o'fucking clock, put those frying pans away and drink some water!" while Merlin and Eggsy side eye each other and try not to giggle. So maudlin singing drunk Merlin was very nice to see :P

* Eggsy and Roxy bromance. There’s such lovely chemistry between them as well, it feels so natural and real, and it’s so good (and miserably rare) to see platonic friendships that aren’t shoehorned into some shitty boring love triangle.

* Eggsy and Tilde were seriously adorable. It ended up not at all satisfying as a romance plot arc because it was like CUTE - fight - marriage, it needed so much more screen time. Like all the important stuff was there, but it was just so abrupt. Include a satisfying romance or don't include one at all, fuck your lazy bullet points. But it started so well and I hope there's a ton of fic that treats them better than the script did. I appreciate the anti-Bond-ness of it all, that Eggsy's genuinely in love and wants to settle and is figuring out how that and his job can possibly fit together, especially with the complications of marrying into royalty. Interested to see where they take that if there's another film. Until then, soo much scope for fic.

* I'm shipping Harry/Elton like burning.

* Poppy was terrifying in a vaguely Umbridge-ish way. That sort of characterisation is always freaky, Julianne was great. So glossy and cheerful but absolutely dead in the eyes. And I'm ambivalent on Charlie, but I ABSOLUTELY want lots of brutal older woman villain/pathetic younger male minion smut. Please provide asap.

* T H E M Y T H I C A L B R E A K F A S T S C E N E I S R E A L

Really bad things: well where the merry fuck do I start haha.

* I will never ever understand why they thought it was a good idea to wipe out all the locations and almost all the existing characters at the very beginning. It's lazy shitty writing. If you feel like you need to shake up your fictional world you don't just knock it all down and start over. It's cheap and very shallow angst.

* I only have two middle fingers but I need about seventeen million to even begin to profess my disgust at them killing Roxy. I knew it was going to happen, it was the only spoiler I asked someone for ahead of time and it was not at all a surprise to find out for sure. Still utterly infuriating. The way people responded so positively to her in the first one is a real indication of how ridiculously low the bar is for female characters in action films ("good at something" and "not the hero's love interest" are literally the only two requirements), and JG/MV didn't even think enough of her to follow through on the absolute base level achievement they made before. Fuck everyarse involved in this decision.

* Absolutely revolting honeypot mission scene. Not really the fact that it exists, just the entire way it was handled and shot - so predictably male-gazey and laddishly "waheyyy!" that it kind of turned my stomach. Horrible and completely unnecessary.

* A million new characters and not enough time spent on any of them to care. Tequila was barely more than a cameo. Champ and Ginger hardly had anything to do. All the Statesmen (except Whiskey) were completely two dimensional and it's such a jarring contrast to the obvious care taken over Eggsy, Merlin, and Harry. It's not even because we already know them, I don't think? It's weird to try and explain. The Statesman characters just feel so rushed and shallow, there's no substance to any of them. Kill off Roxy and replace her with paper cut-outs, ok that makes loads of sense!!! Whiskey’s a level up from the others because he gets loads more screen time and some beautiful fight scenes, but his ~emotional plot twist fell completely flat. I don’t know what it was, the pacing or a boring cliche backstory or what. It was just dull as fuck. WE HAVE HEARD THIS EXACT STORY FIVE MILLION TIMES.

A bad thing that's somehow not really a bad thing even though I'm fucking numb and want a hug:

* I've been raving for ages to people about Roxy being killed off and trying to figure out a way to satisfactorily explain how I feel about a character dying for a reason and a character dying because a writer is a lazy bastard who wants some quick angst. Merlin's death was an A+ wonderful death along the lines of my dear fictional boyfrends Quincey Morris and Lee Scoresby and a million others. Maybe it comes from all the swashbuckly historical adventure stories I grew up loving, but I'm a desperate sucker for a good noble death. Characters brave and self-aware enough to look at the bigger picture of an impossible situation and realise that their death means a better outcome for the people they love? This is ABSOLUTE CATNIP to me. Characters who go down fighting to the very end. If a character I love with my entire soul has to die, this is how I want it to happen. Give them some agency and a proper goodbye.

I mean I fully expect him to be magically resurrected with fancy prosthetic legs if there's another film because we saw those wedding set photos of him in the nice neon green cgi stockings, so really I should be saying "death". I totally reject this one. (I reject Roxy and JB's deaths as well, but the big difference is I really can't see the filmmakers bringing them back. Eyeroll.) Maybe that's what's making it easier to deal with? A not-real noble courageous self-sacrificing death. That's about as good as it gets. All three of them get Oscars for this whole sequence.

Anyway the tl;dr of it is:

This film is a very beautiful, very patchy mess. The good stuff is absolutely gloriously perfectly incredibly wonderful. Most of said good stuff is the interaction between Eggsy, Merlin, and Harry, which is written and performed with real care and heart. Nearly everything else is relatively lacklustre filler, misogyny, and shitty nonsensical decisions. These people cannot write women.

I liked it? I will definitely see it 900 more times, mainly for wet terrified Harry and gorgeous fight scenes. But ffs, how can it possibly be this difficult to pinpoint the reasons why people loved your extremely successful creation and consider including them in future plans?

I'm feeling fairly zen about everything. I kind of trained myself ages ago to think of sequels as just another bit of fanfic, so it's going to make absolutely no difference to the cheerful fluff porn and fight scenes I like to write. What I'm annoyed about isn't so much to do with ~new canon~ limiting what we're allowed to create for ourselves now, because that's just silly. It's more about being pissed off at the shoddy state of action films, particularly women in action films, when it seems like it should be SO EASY to take these astronomical budgets and create something groundbreaking. I'm so tired of this unimaginative lazy narrow-minded bullshit.

#kingsman #kingsman 2 #kingsman spoilers #kingsman: the golden circle #kingsman: the golden circle spoilers #tgc spoilers #is this enough spoiler tags haha

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blaperile · 5 years

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Homestuck Epilogues - Meat - Page 4

#Homestuck #The Homestuck Epilogues #Meat #reaction #John #Dave #Jade #WV

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madmegatax · 7 years

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ao3 works tag meme

tagged by @ruination-fangs!!

Time to look at my ao3 page and contemplate continuing some of these fics!

Go to your Works page, expand all the filters, and let us know the following:

1. What are your 1st and 2nd most common ratings? Any surprises?

Teen And Up Audiences (3)

General Audiences (3)

Nothing too surprising there!

2. What’s your most common warning? Least common? Do you consider yourself an adventurous writer?

Most common: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings (3)

Least common: No Archive Warnings Apply (1)

Are warnings supposed to indicate how adventurous your writing is...? Like if you don’t use these tags you aren’t exploring much in your writing?

3. How many works have you done in each relationship category? Is this more accidental or do you have preferences?

F/M (5)

Gen (2)

Multi (1)

F/F (1)

Okay, so first off there should be one M/M included but it’s set to multi... -_-

A lot of this is because I write stuff based on canon, so that ends up having a lot of het stuff (unfortunately). I mean there’s some stuff that I haven’t release that goes against the trend above... >_>

4. What are your top 4 fandoms by numbers? Are you still active in all of them or do you tend to migrate a lot?

Homestuck (4)

Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc (1)

Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School (1)

Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types (1)

...That should be two works for Danganronpa. I hate the Danganronpa tags. -_-

I have no more plans for Homestuck, and like 5 WIPs for Danganronpa. Two of which have the possibility of seeing the light of day. I really only write for fandoms I get really really into (before AO3 I had a lot of Avatar stuff as well), so if I end up writing something for another fandom it’s because I love it and think about it a lot (have two WIPS for Durarara).

5. What are your top 4 character tags? Does this match how you feel about the characters or are you puzzled?

John Egbert (3)

Rose Lalonde (3)

Hagakure Yasuhiro (2)

Other Character Tags to Be Added (2)

it SAYS john egbert (8), rose lalonde (7), beta roxy/rose’s mom (3), karkat vantas (3), but it’s… wrong… it’s under-counting several characters >:? (including rose…)

What. No. This can’t be right. Fucking YASUHIRO HAGAKURE???? HOW. I mean, there are other characters with two, but STILL HOW DID THIS HAPPEN. And the “Other Character Tags to Be Added” tag pretty much reflects the current statuses of my fics. :’)

Anyway, the John and Rose count doesn’t surprise me, since I wrote a bunch for Grimdorks!

6. What are your top 2 most used additional tags, and your bottom 2? What would happen if you combined all 4 into a fic?

Post-Canon is used twice, which definitely makes sense since I like to write about canon stuff. And then I have a bunch of tags only used once. So... a post-canon fic with everything??

7. How many WIPs do you currently have on ao3? Any you don’t plan on finishing?

My WIPs that I’m actually still working on:

-My post DR3 anime introspective ficlet collection that has a certain character alive because I wanted to write that. Look. When I say I like to write about canon it’s more like... sticking to the canon setting. If I tweak a detail or two it’s no problem, right? =P

-Also noteworthy: all my WIPs that I have in docs but have not posted to AO3

The stuff I don’t plan on finishing:

-All the Homestuck stuff

8. Tag 5 people!

@batsingotham, though I don’t know if you use AO3 >_>. No pressure, haha. And anyone who feels like doing this meme!

#ask meme #I am writing almost daily... I've just posted none of it #one day I'll get over myself haha #thanks for tagging me kaji!

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sage-nebula · 7 years

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Although I’m unsure if / when I’ll ever write any fics that take place in this time period, lately I’ve been thinking about post-canon PokéAni, years in the future when the characters are older and some of them have gone on to become Champions (and Elite Four members). Specifically, I’ve been thinking about who those Champions and their Elite would be, and so far what I’ve worked out is:

Kanto---

Champion: Ash Ketchum (Type Specialty: Varies)

Elite Four:

Misty Waterflower (Type Specialty: Water)

Ritchie (Type Specialty: Varies)

Sabrina (Type Specialty: Psychic)

Giselle (Type Specialty: Ground)

I’m not entirely sold on Sabrina yet, to be honest, and originally I had considered having Brock’s younger brother Forrest as one of the Elite. However, when I remembered Giselle I realized that I wanted her in, and having both a rock-type and ground-type specialist in the Elite Four feels a bit redundant / unwise. Therefore, I went with Giselle, as I feel she would be the stronger choice. That still left a fourth spot open, though, and out of all the trainers we see in Kanto I feel that Sabrina would be the strongest fit. I considered Aya, but considering she loses pretty much every battle she has in the anime, I feel like Sabrina would be the stronger pick. So for now, she’s in.

Also, for Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, and Sinnoh, Elite Four order matters. They work under a hierarchical system, so in this case Misty is the leader of the Elite Four, Ritchie comes next, and so on and so forth.

Orange Islands---

Leader: Drake (Type Specialty: Varies)

Other Crew Members:

Rudi (Type Specialty: Varies)

Cissy (Type Specialty: Water)

Danny (Type Specialty: Varies)

Luana (Type Specialty: Varies)

Okay, they’re not technically a regional “League” per se (in that the Orange Islands does’t operate under the League system), and also nothing changes here since that would require making up new characters, and while I have done that for the Orange Crew (trust me), I feel like that would be a bit unfair, so. But I just couldn’t leave the motherfuckin’ Orange Crew out of this discussion. I just couldn’t. I love the Orange Crew. I love the Orange Islands. LET ME HAVE THIS. (Also, for reference, this Drake is a different Drake from Hoenn’s Drake. Very, completely different. Also, technically Ash defeated him, so really Ash should be the new leader of the Orange Crew, but Ash didn’t stay to take up that position, so . . .)

Johto---

Champion: Casey (Type Specialty: Varies)

Elite Four:

Karen (Type Specialty: Dark)

Lyra (Type Specialty: Varies)

Jimmy (Type Specialty: Fire)

Sakura (Type Specialty: Psychic)

Technically, in the games, Johto shares their Elite Four with Kanto. However, I still wanted to create a solely Johto Elite Four, so. Let the dream live. (Also, for those who don’t remember, Jimmy is the ENG dub name of Ethan’s anime counterpart. He appeared in the The Legend of Thunder special, while Lyra appeared during DP’s run. The only one I pulled from the games here is Karen, who to my knowledge never had an anime appearance.)

Hoenn---

Champion: Steven Stone (Type Specialty: Steel)

Elite Four:

Drake (Type Specialty: Dragon)

Shouta (Type Specialty: Varies)

Phoebe (Type Specialty: Ghost)

Sydney (Type Specialty: Dark)

I feel like Hoenn did not give me a lot to choose from, haha. But I was able to add Shouta, since he originates from Hoenn, and fanboys Steven to boot. I feel like he could work his way up to an Elite Four position. (And perhaps one day even be Champion himself, when it’s time for Steven to move on.) Drake, Phoebe, and Sydney are all pulled from the games since, again, not a lot of choices in the anime, I feel . . . (Presumably, Glacia retired and Shouta took her spot.)

Sinnoh---

Champion: Cynthia (Type Specialty: Varies)

Elite Four:

Lucian (Type Specialty: Psychic)

Flint (Type Specialty: Fire)

Bertha (Type Specialty: Ground)

Aaron (Type Specialty: Bug)

All four of the Elite appeared in the anime, and while it’s possible that Bertha could retire to make way for a new person (seems to be the oldest), I don’t really see a reason to do that, so. Sinnoh’s fine as-is, even in the future. =P

Unova---

Champion: Iris (Type Specialty: Dragon)

Elite Four:

Caitlin (Type Specialty: Psychic)

Marshal (Type Specialty: Fighting)

Shauntal (Type Specialty: Ghost)

Grimsley (Type Specialty: Poison)

In Unova, there is no hierarchy, so there is no technical “leader” of the Elite Four here. Also, while there were characters that I could replace since Caitlin was the only one to actually appear in the anime, I love the Unovan Elite Four and didn’t want to boot any of them out (even if I was tempted to put Cheren and/or Roxie in), so. They’re here to stay. =P

Kalos---

Champion: Alan (Type Specialty: Varies)

Elite Four:

Manon (Type Specialty: Grass)

Clemont (Type Specialty: Electric)

Malva (Type Specialty: Fire)

Siebold (Type Specialty: Water)

Like Unova, there’s no hierarchy here, though the duties that are typically handled by the “leader” of the Elite Four are split between Manon and Clemont. This is because Manon is always quick to jump to those duties when it comes to things like battling, world crises, and international Champion meetings, but quickly calls “not it” when it comes to actual administrative / legislative meetings with the Council, extra paperwork, et cetera, and thus passes the role onto Clemont. (Alan really doesn’t care who takes on the role, tbh. He just wants the things to get done.) Meanwhile, Malva and Siebold are the only two members of the Kalos Elite Four to appear in the anime. Malva should probably be fired (heh) due to her involvement with Flare; however, not only did she not receive any punishment at all in the games (despite being much more obviously evil!), but she turned on Lysandre at the end and helped stop the crisis. I do think she’d receive some sort of ramifications (suspension perhaps?), but that she’d probably be able to keep her position. That said, I will admit that part of why I want this is because the Kalosean Elite Four is typed according to the starter types (electric counts because of Pikachu in Yellow Version), and I think that’s neat. We can assume that Drasna and Wilkstrom retired due to both getting on in years.

Alola---

Champion: Hau (Type Specialty: Varies)

Elite Four:

Gladion (Type Specialty: Varies)

Olivia (Type Specialty: Rock)

Acerola (Type Specialty: Ghost)

Kahili (Type Specialty: Flying)

To be honest, it’s way too early to be deciding anything like this, and Hau doesn’t even exist in the anime, but when I imagine international Champion meet-ups, this is what I imagine (or at least, I imagine Champion Hau showing up with Gladion, who isn’t really the leader of the Elite Four since the Alolan Elite Four doesn’t have a leader, but whatever, he goes along with it anyway). Of course, I also can’t help but imagine To Devour the Sun!Gladion at those meet-ups, which means that he would be sniping / trying to pick a fight with Alan, at which point we’d get a little conversation like:

Ash: “Gladion’s yelling at you.” Alan: “I know. So, how have you been?” Gladion: “Bastard, don’t ignore me---!”

But, you know, it’s fine. =P

#world peace is much more easily achieved with this group bc the Champions are all friends with each other already #well - for some it's their first meeting but like #Ash is friends (or at least on friendly terms with) literally every other Champion on this list #Drake (who is the leader of the Orange Crew technically but w/e) he met during his Orange Islands run #and actually *defeated* him which Drake really appreciated / admired #Casey was obvs one of his Johto rivals and so they're good friends #he became acquaintances with Steven during his time in Hoenn so they're on friendly terms #(or at least civil terms ya know)#similarly he met Cynthia previously in Sinnoh #Iris is one of his best friends since they traveled together in Unova #he and Alan have a very special and important relationship after everything in Kalos #and while Hau again doesn't exist in the anime I LIKE TO THINK THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN FRIENDS TOO #so like - Ash knows everyone already and he can introduce the others #at the first international Champion meeting Ash just takes Alan by the hand and is like ''don't worry i'll introduce you''#ofc Alan is already friends with Steven thanks to the adventure in TSME #but Ash introduces him to everyone else and it's a good time #anyway #pokeani future champs #pokemon #pokeani #headcanons #hopefully one of those tags will help me when i need to find this later

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bladekindeyewear · 5 years

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Boots Reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 11 - Candy Page 12

==>

Alright, looks like Jake and Jane had an active night and now Jake’s going to distance himself again.

Yeah you’re pretty afraid of closing this distance with Jane. You REALLY don’t want it, do you?

JANE: Lighten up Jake! The election’s off! The economy is stable! Dirk is probably never going to talk to us ever again! And we just... we finally fucked. Hoo hoo hoo!

Okay seeing that “Hoo hoo hoo!” at the end of the sentence makes it really fucking uncomfortable somehow.

Something catches the corner of his eye, and he swivels his head around to see the Trickster Lollipop on his bedside table.

JANE I THOUGHT YOU WEREN’T GOING TO BE SUCH A SCUMBAG THIS TIME AROUND WHAT DID YOU FUCKING DO????

far more sets of underwear than the number of people accounted for in the room.

Yeah that sounds about like what might happen with the lollipop thrown in.

Okay at least it was Jake’s idea??? that makes it... ALMOST... better... but not really..??

Oh God, and Jake just does the pushover thing and rolls with it only because he thinks he SHOULD, not because he wants to. Fuck.

==>

Mhmm. There’s always a thick sense that “what would Bro tell me to do” was thick in everything Dave did hanging over him like a shadow. Interesting that here it manifests as that Meta voice he was using in Meat or whatever.

Is Dirk even going to be there, or has he fled entirely?

Gamzee, what the fuck are you doing. Forceful character arc intervention? Is that what you did with Roxy somehow?

...is Gamzee toying with the narrative now that Dirk has fled or something??

...okay there’s some author worship going on or some such?

Dave how do you even know who Pagliacci is.

Okay there’s the Rose bot, and an ominous note. Suicide note? Self-Decapitation note, again? Hm.

==>

Epilogue Three

Okay, that’s some startlingly abrupt pathmaking toward suicide. I was warned that there was a vivid description of the leadup to suicide in Candy somewhere, so I’ll try to talk only lightly about it as I read.

Your legs feel impressively powerful as you begin to climb the staircase

Nice Meat callback at least.

A flip of the cosmic coin has rendered your entire life completely inessential. What could you accomplish in a dead-end existence like this? There are no stakes. No meaningful challenges. No structures or themes—only residual chemical reactions in a dying brain, a physical system’s obligate compulsion to exhaust its own lingering momentum. A cockroach with its head cut off, waiting to die of thirst.

Wow, yeah, you REALLY can’t stand living in a world where you don’t hold some sort of Light-y relevance, can you? So much so that you were willing to steal Light away from the story entirely just to have more to carry with you in the flipside. Is this supposed to sort of embody the comeuppance you didn’t get in the other half, the way you’re offing yourself here? Weird.

Your friends might derive some sense of fulfillment from satisfying the elementary obligations of self-preservation and self-propagation, but there’s nothing here for you. It doesn’t matter anymore.

HOW ABOUT LIVING HAPPY LIVES AND NOT GETTING STUCK IN COMAS YOU ASSHOLE

Seriously, that whole Meat part, the... the four things I really couldn’t stand being left with were Jane’s fate, Jade’s situation, ROSE’s unenviable situation, and Dirk being allowed to escape without consequence. Three of my favorite characters left on doomed paths or basically IN COMAS, constantly having their agency quashed by others or forced away from anything that could have corrected their disastrous path (Jane’s) by Dirk’s meddling. A line being drawn in the sand that clearly stated CANON ENDS HERE, before any of them could wake up or stop FUCKING SUFFERING. Jesus Christ. I just wanted some loose ends tied up by this epilogue, I didn’t need the characters’ POSSIBLE HAPPINESS to be left unresolved with a likely “NO” as the answer??!??? THEY DIDN’T COME ALL THIS WAY AND SACRIFICE AND WIN FOR JUST THAT! DIRK STOLE THE FUCKING ULTIMATE REWARD FROM THEM OUT OF NOWHERE!

*breathes*

FUCK. So, yeah, on to seeing Dirk either die or get stopped by Dave somehow because he still needs him or whatever.

Ew, self-decapitation indeed. You narcissistic fuck.

When you think so little of yourself as a moral character, any act of self-termination will result in a death that is Just.

Huh. So that influences the way the clock judges you, hm?

==>

A damn funeral, huh.

He looks at Roxy, who is staring at the floor, rather beside herself in grief.

Oh thank goodness, a glimpse at her line to Gamz had me thinking she was in weird happy-stuck Candy mode still, that would have fucked this scene a bunch.

...IS Dave really more eloquent than you, though?

Dave’s long speech--

Oh my gosh I just realized during this speech how UTTERLY FUCKED of Andrew people must have thought this Dirk suicide section was if they chose Candy FIRST. Jesus dick.

End of speech. Jane, stop being so remarkably fucking composed. Unless Dirk’s plans and machinations really hurt you as much as you let on when you expressed seemingly-mock excitement that you’d “never hear from him again”.

Fuck you Gamzee.

ROXY: BRAVO!!! DAMN I FEEL LIKE IF I NEVER HEARD ANOTHER WORD THIS GUY EVER SAID THATD BE FINE BECAUSE THAT WAS ALL JUST SO *PERFECT*

Thanks for coming to your senses Roxy, better late than never I guess.

Dave dips down so that their noses are bumping. Karkat’s eyes are so wide it’s amazing they don’t pop out. For a moment, it looks like they’re going to...

John sneezes.

Oh COME ON, John. :(

JOHN: i have no idea why i did that. now i have this whole memory in my head that i could have definitely lived without.

Me after reading the Meat epilogue.

Huh, offering to undo the death. That IS potentially a little bit insensitive, as obvious and necessary a question it is to ask, even if the answer is no.

DAVE: dirk was a complicated guy DAVE: dude obviously had reasons for doing what he did DAVE: if you go back and just rewrite his decision DAVE: thats like denying him his personal autonomy

Exactly.

A courtesy that Dirk, funny enough, wouldn’t have given anyone else. The fucking prick.

--Yep, they’re too far outside of canon for his retcon powers to work anymore. Rose told him on the last day he could.

Roxy what the hell are you doing.

ROXY: we should get hitched

No, you should ANSWER WHY YOU LEFT CALLIOPE HANGING and THEN decide LIKE ADULTS to do whatever you all feel like doing. This isn’t legitimate if you’re HIDING most of the situation in Voidy shadow! If you really DO want this, then do it properly and HONESTLY!!!!

JOHN: you... JOHN: LOVE me?? ROXY: yea john i love you ROXY: wanna marry u and spend the rest of my life with u and pop out a bunch of cute lil buck toothed babies with you JOHN: oh, uh. haha, wow. roxy that’s um. JOHN: that’s a LOT.

Yeah, this isn’t how it should go. WOULD go. Something’s seriously wrong with Roxy right now and I hope John figures out how to bring them to the forefront so they can come to an honest decision.

Just a few weeks ago, Roxy was happy with Calliope, and now she wants to have his babies? John feels like he’s missing something important here, like he went for a bathroom break during the part of the movie where the plot twist happens.

Exactly. And you haven’t even had time to process how you feel about HER again. If something’s off, make it NOT off before you say yes.

Roxy practically attacks John’s mouth, she’s so excited. John shuts his eyes and kisses her back, still giddy and laughing against her lips. She kisses him until they’re both breathless, then pulls back so that she can gaze at him with glittering eyes.

ROXY: omg ROXY: were gonna be SO freakin happy!

Yyyyeah, THAT was ominous. Someone’s definitely fucking with this situation behind the scenes. ...Maybe Roxy’s been hitting the Lollipop too when the camera’s away from her?

==>

Dammit, we skipped to the wedding without resolving ANY of their fucking issues first. This is bad.

--oh my god we skipped to months PAST the wedding too.

JOHN: jane and jake are kinda, um, together now. TEREZI: OH GOD JOHN: and she basically ordered jake to catch the bouquet “or else.” JOHN: i was seriously afraid for him. and then he didn’t even catch it!

Jane. Jane, come the fuck on.

Can’t we get ONE TIMELINE where Jane doesn’t end up terrible???? D:

JOHN: yeah. they’re all dating. JOHN: or rather... jade is dating them both. JOHN: dave and karkat haven’t... exactly figured things out yet. JOHN: and as much as i love jade, i don’t actually think she’s helped matters by putting herself in the middle of it. TEREZI: HMM >:[ TEREZI: SOM3HOW TH4T DO3SNT S33M R1GHT JOHN: i know.

Jade, you can’t force these things!!!

Can’t we get ONE TIMELINE where Jade doesn’t end up unhappy???? D:

JOHN: now i have to pretend to laugh and think it’s funny when she makes jokes about being the next to “tie the knot.” TEREZI: WOW D1D SH3 R34LLY GO FOR TH4T DOUBL3 3NT3NDR3 JOHN: what? TEREZI: WH4T JOHN: what do you mean? TEREZI: N3V3R M1ND

Jegus Christ. Terezi, WHY did you have to go there. I’ve seen enough nsfw RP to know exactly the fuckery you’re alluding to with Jade, NO.

JOHN: things’ll probably work out with those three anyway. things always work out between old friends. JOHN: we’ve all known each other for too long for anything to cause a permanent rift.

Fucking allusions to the Meat section... D:

...okay, babies time. There are babies. Or at least one Roxy pregnancy and that earlier Vriskgrub.

TEREZI: 1T JUST S33MS... K1ND4 F4ST

YES, YES IT DOES.

TEREZI: 1 4LR34DY H34RD 4BOUT HOW J4N3 1S D4T1NG BOTH J4K3 *4ND* G4MZ33 4ND UNFORTUN4T3LY 1 DO B3L13V3 1T

What the FUCK is going on. Who’s manipulating everyone. Gamzee maybe??

TEREZI: H4H4H4 1 HOP3 YOU H4V3NT S33N TH3 P1CTUR3 D4V3 TOOK JOHN: dave has a picture?! JOHN: wait, never mind. i don’t want to know, and i definitely don’t want to see it.

Yeah that’s a cursed image if I ever heard of one

JOHN: so, what did you think, talking to dave and karkat? JOHN: did they seem... happy? TEREZI: NOP3 JOHN: oh my god, i KNOW, right? JOHN: the whole thing is such a mess, it’s hard to be in the same room with them these days. JOHN: i don’t even know the full story because dave won’t talk to me about it anymore, and jade seems to think that everything’s going just fine.

Dammit Jade, you forced your way in too early!!! D:

And why can’t Andrew at least PRETEND to give us a slight, fishing-line-thin possibility that Jade might POSSIBLY have any sort of chance at an endgame workable romance with ANY OF HER GOSH DARN FRIENDS AT ALL???????

>:(

I just want Jade to be happy okay jegus

TEREZI: 4 TRU3 K1SM3S1S 1S JUST 4S MUCH YOUR L1F3 P4RTN3R 4S YOUR M4T3SPR1T 1S

Interesting quadrant talk

TEREZI: TH3 PO1NT OF 4 K1SM3S1S 1S NOT JUST TO M4K3 YOU 4NNOY3D OR 3V3N 4NGRY TEREZI: TH3Y SHOULD PUSH YOU TO B3TT3R YOURS3LF TEREZI: TH3Y SHOULD SH1N3 4 L1GHT ON TH1NGS 4BOUT YOURS3LF YOU WOULD OTH3RW1S3 1GNOR3 OR D3NY

EXACTLY. I’ve been saying that about good black relationships for years. And Jade’s plowing in and fucking things up without really making things ANY better AT ALL for anyone but herself, and only temporarily and in her own head at that. :(

TEREZI: 1F 1 W3R3 3V3R TO DO BL4CKROM 4G41N, 1T WOULD H4V3 TO B3 LOW K3Y

Yeah, really pushing at what happens in Meat and stuff.

I love Terezi’s text-emote faces.

==>

Page 17... Someone told me to watch out for “Candy 18″ without any elaboration or context, so maybe I’ll split the post after this page so I can get to that one fresh? Hm!

My stomach is down to a low anxious simmer, so that’s good compared to before. Maybe reading this whole Candy thing isn’t going to be so bad. I can’t believe I’m not even halfway through.

He’s not sure why he feels the need to hide the fact that he’s talking to her.

Dammit, John.

It should be a beautiful image, but something about it roils John’s gut.

???

Is he catching on to some weird manipulation going on behind the scenes with his own metatextual awareness or?

Yep, Harry Anderson, heh.

He was. What’s bugging him about it is that Roxy didn’t seem to have any suggestions of her own.

YEAH THAT’S A HUGE GODDAMN RED FLAG RIGHT THERE. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO EVERYONE.

...Oh, huh. Now John’s having a bit of panic about how everyone suddenly feels like things are completely resolved with Lord English when they aren’t. And how Rose seems almost HYPNOTIZED into not worrying about it, along with many of the rest of them.

The three gals in the room exchange a series of concerned glances. Do they truly think he’s crazy? Are they hiding something from him? John can feel himself trembling. It’s not possible that he’s remembering this wrong, is it? It can’t be. If he presses his eyes shut, he can still see the lines of the black hole cracking space apart around him. It seemed like such a big deal at the time, and then suddenly it felt like nothing at all. Why?

Are they, though? Do they know they’re in a split timeline of sorts, or...?

You’re the ones not doing okay, he nearly shouts, but then realizes it’s just going to make him sound crazier than he already looks.

Yeah this is all cracking at the seams.

ROXY: oh of course that makes sense

ROXY YOU’RE NOT THIS BRAINLESS WAKE THE FUCK UP

Hm, looks like John’s not as comfortable on the placid planet as he is with someone giving him SOME sort of broader purpose. A lot like Dirk, but LESS FUCKED.

JOHN: i’ve got a beautiful wife who loves me, but it’s not enough. i can’t even talk to her about what we’re going to name our stupid kid without it turning into some weird thing where she just goes along with whatever i want. JOHN: even when all i want is for her to want something different than what i want!!!

It’s like Steven stuck in Rose’s Room with that Connie clone, SU-ways.

Alright, clicking the next button and starting page 18 in the next post.

#Homestuck #Homestuck Epilogue #Upd8 #Homestuck Liveblog #bladekindeyewear #BlastYoBoots

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