#I love drawing steven looking like he’s done w life

[nomoretumbler]

class doodle dump from the last couple of days :3.

[chaosgremlinmunson]

Yeah I’m gonna need possession stat ☠️

Within the darkness he felt a pull, something pulling him forward, he let out a groan and went with the tether, arriving before a young couple both looking like they'd stepped out of a 1970's Sears catalog. 

Great, he thought, I've been summoned by some dumb rich kids. They can't be more than mid twenties, what could they possibly need a demon for?

"Why have you summoned me human?" He growled, his voice a deep rich baritone but sounding as though five people were speaking at once.

The couple flinched, then the young man's face broke into a grin hands on the young woman's shoulders.

"I told you it would work Madeline! Woo, okay. So demon, I have summoned you to make a deal." Eddie laughed, his eyes sparking red.

"Well, it's not like I thought this was a dinner party, do you have something to trade for the deal?" He smirked, a feral energy around him.

"Yes." The girl spoke now, "We have something to trade. I will give you my soul for his fortune and a long healthy life together, growing old and dying of natural causes."

Eddie tapped his finger to his chin, looking from the girl to the man and back again, he reached out with his energy to sense the souls before him, and paused, eyes flashing. 

"You have a deal, however instead of your soul I will be back in 18 years, for the one whose not yet here." He cackled as the couple looked at each other, clearly confused but let the flames draw him back home.

18 years later

 Steve Harrington had finally done it, he'd graduated and now all that was left to do was find a job. Well, a better paying job. He'd been getting by living at home with a job at the ice cream parlor after school, but he needed to escape this house.

"Steven, just because you managed to graduate does not mean you can laze about." His father lectured as they drove home, "You didn't manage to get into a single college, and I won't be hiring you. You have 6 months living in the house while we still pay for groceries and the bills to save up and get out."

"Yes, sir." Steve responded looking out the window, they pulled into the driveway and made their way inside the massive house. Sitting in his father's armchair sat a man Steve had never seen, he was entranced, and barely heard when his mother screamed and father cursed.

"Hello darling, how I've waited to meet you all these years." Steve found himself standing directly in front of the man unsure how he'd moved. "You're more delectable than I'd imagined."

Shadows swirled up around Steve and before he realized what happened he was standing in a room full of black, leather and lace. The man stood behind him, hands grasping his hips.

"W…where am I?" Steve breathed, "and who are you?" 

"I, my beloved, am the one who will possess you. Love you. And keep you in all eternity." Steve breathed in a shaky breath, he had to be dreaming, he hadn't woken up for graduation yet, that was it. He was sure of it. Steve didn't get things like this, he got a big empty house, people who barely acknowledge him, and broken hearted nights crying as he held himself.

[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Forever

One Shot: Changes

Intro: Dealing with the changes of growing older can be a right, royal pain…

Warnings: SMUT (NSFW, NO under 18s!”)

Pairing:Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N: So this all came from that damned photo of Evans and Dodger…and my mind went to a very warped place, sorry not sorry. (You can blame @icanfeelastormbrewing​ and @sweater-daddiesdumbdork​ for encouragement!)

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Stark Spangled Forever Masterlist // Main Masterlist

July 2029

The Rogers household was at times with three kids all under 10 was chaotic. Before school, after school, at dinner times and bed times. But later at night, it was quiet, a time for Steve and Katie to relax with one another, ready to face it all again the day after. Well, that is when Bucky and Sam weren’t around, eating them out of house and home.

Tonight was one of those nights. All younger kids in bed, Emmy away with Brooke in Miami attending some beach party, and getting up to all sorts of mischief which Steve didn’t want to think about, leaving the two of them to snuggle on the sofa with a beer and a glass of wine, simply taking time out. And it wasn’t like they had to talk either to enjoy it. Like right now, Katie was curled up, her back nestling into Steve’s side as his arm lay across her chest, her nose buried in a book. Steve was watching some documentary on the History Channel, every so often dropping a kiss to the back of her head as she would reach up to rub his arm.

Domestic? Yes. Mundane? Yes. Absolute bliss? Yes.

The door the living room pushed open and Stark wandered in, tail wagging as he flopped down on the rug next to the fireplace, rolling onto his back, his preferred sleeping position. Katie eyed him for a moment and snorted.

“Thinks he owns the place.” she muttered, reaching out for her glass of wine. Noticing it was empty she gave a low groan and sat up.

“I’ll go…” Steve offered but she shook her head.

“No, honestly its fine…you need one or?”

He nodded, draining his bottle and she took the empty off him.

She headed out of the room and as soon as she had left Stark hopped up onto the sofa, laying his head against Steve who chuckled, giving him an ear scratch, his concentration still on the TV.

“Seriously.” Katie deadpanned and he looked up as she placed their drinks on the table. “I was gone for like 3 minutes if that…”

Steve shrugged and gave her a grin. “Guess he wanted a snuggle.”

“I don’t give a shit. Down.” Katie said, looking at the dog. Stark glanced at her reproachfully and instead twisted slightly so that he was on his back, looking up at Steve. “Fine…don’t listen to me…Steve, move him.”

“But look at him, baby…” Steve chuckled, glancing down at the dog.

“He’s in my seat.”

“Awww he’s comfy…”

“Steve!” Katie said louder this time and he turned his head up to see his wife stood there, arms folded as she glared at him then the dog. “I’m being serious…”

“Don’t shout you’ll upset him.” Steve said, not being able to resist teasing her a little more, but where as she would normally just laugh and call him a jerk or a dumbass, her eyes narrowed and her face grew stony.

“I’m not fighting with a dog over a seat on my fucking couch.” she said, “I said move him Steve…”

“Ok…” Steve said, holding his hands up “Stark, down…”

The dog gave a huff and slid off the sofa and Katie settled back into her seat.  Steve glanced at her, his eyebrow raised.

“Don’t look at me like that Steven.” she warned him “You let that dog get away with murder.”

Steve took a deep breath, and bit back the response that she had been the same with Lucky. He knew now wasn’t the time so instead he made a joke “Well, I have a soft spot for Starks…” he muttered as he dropped a kiss to her lips.

“Yeah, and it’s gonna stay soft tonight too.” she said, pushing on his chest causing him to laugh. “Seriously though that dog’s a menace…” “He’s not that bad…” “Not that bad…” Katie sat up “Steve, 4 days after he arrived he ate 3 boxes of crayons-” “Yeah but it made his poop multi-coloured-” “He chewed up my favourite pair of Laboutins-” “I told you not to leave them by the stairs. I’ll buy you some new ones-“

“And last week he ate the keys to my Camero Steve, my fucking keys!”

“Yeah but you got them back-“ “And I put up with all of that…” she rambled on, her tone and pace increasing and Steve frowned slightly as he could sense now there wasn’t a bit of humour or good nature in her voice any more “What I’m not gonna put up with is him stealing my fucking seat next to my fucking husband on my fucking couch!”

She finished her rant and Steve blinked, raising his eyebrows.

“Are you done?” he asked her a moment later, his voice flat.

She took a deep breath and moved to grab her book, resuming her previous position. “Yes.”

“Feel better for getting that off your chest?”

“That’s not what I was doing.”

“Sounded like it to me.”

She groaned and slammed her book shut “I’m going upstairs…” Steve signed “Katie, come on sweetheart…don’t be like this.”

“Like what?”

“All pissed off over the dog!” he said, shaking his head “You’re being ridiculous.”

As soon as the words flew out of his mouth he grimaced inwardly. The worst thing he could ever say in the middle of one of her outbursts was exactly that.

“Really… ok, well how’s this for ridiculous? You love the dog so much? You can sleep with him in his basket tonight…” she snarled at Steve, before she stormed out of the room.

Steve watched her go, his mouth dropping open before he let out a groan and threw himself back against the cushions. In a second Stark had jumped back up into the spot Katie had vacated.

“What the fuck just happened?” he asked the dog, who promptly thumped his tail as he turned his head to Steve, before sneezing straight in the soldier’s face.

******

“And that’s all you did?” Bucky eyed Steve suspiciously.

“Yeah…” Steve protested his innocence “She just absolutely lost it! Then she gave me the cold shoulder this morning, and maintained radio silence all day other than to reply with the word OK when I said I was coming out to meet you guys after work.”

“So is it all down to the dog then?” Bucky asked.

“Possibly.” Steve conceded “He’s a little…different to Lucky…”

He trailed off, pondering what Bucky had said, wondering if his best friend had hit the nail on the head. Stark had been with them just over 7 months now and whilst Katie wasn’t overly hostile towards him, she wasn’t as loving either as she had been with Lucky. Steve got it, well he thought he did, she’d loved Lucky to pieces, but Stark was just as good a dog. Ok, so he was a little boisterous and far more mischievous than Lucky had been and had taken time to settle in. And he still had a habit of eating and chewing things but, all in all, the kids loved him, Steve loved him…

“Well, whatever it is I do know one thing…” Sam said, drawing Steve’s attention back to him.

“What?”

“The more you try and make sense of it, the less sense it’s gonna make.” he shrugged “Dude she’s a woman, just…”

Steve shook his head, whilst Katie was prone to her little moments and bratty outbursts, he was normally pretty good at getting into her head and understanding what was wrong with her. That was something that came from knowing her for 17 years and being in love with her for 16. Or 17 as he often admitted to himself that he was pretty sure he’d fallen for her that day she’d given him her cell number as they waved goodbye to Thor. Hell, if you added in the 15 he’d spent back in time after taking the stones back it was over 30…

“She’s not like that.” Steve said, “Ok she can be a bit hormonal at times but…”

“There you have it, maybe it’s time of the month?” Bucky shrugged and Steve rolled his eyes.

“She’s never normally that bad…”

Sam pondered for a moment “How old is she?”

“45 just gone, why?”

Sam made a noise as he clicked is finger and pointed at Steve “Menopause?”

“What?” Steve looked at him as Bucky scoffed.

“Shut up Birdbrain.” Bucky shook his head “That’s far too young to-“ “I’m being serious man…” Sam shrugged “That’s about the time my mom started going through the change and it was like living with a fucking velociraptor…” Steve took another drink of his beer.

“She been having any other symptoms? Hot flushes? How’s the sex life?” Sam pressed.

Steve groaned, his neck and ears flushing “The sex is fine, it’s great, as always…” he trailed off, refusing to discuss this anymore but even as he shook his head he thought back to a moment a few days ago when Katie had been complaining that she was really warm, despite him cracking the AC on full whack.

Bucky, sensing Steve’s discomfort changed topic and they spent the rest of the evening discussing far less dangerous subjects than Katie’s potentially dwindling ovaries before they called it a night and set off home. Sam headed for the subway to go back into Manhattan whilst Steve and Bucky continued towards their relative homes.

“Don’t worry about it.” Bucky said “She’ll be waiting when you get home with an apology, maybe in the form of a blow job…” Steve snorted “Maybe.” “And don’t listen to Sam. He talks shit.” Steve bid Bucky goodnight, and as he walked the few blocks back to their house he pulled his phone out and started googling symptoms of the menopause, grimacing as he read them.

Hot flushes, night sweats, weight gain, anxiety, difficulty concentrating, memory loss, sore or tender breasts, headaches, difficulty sleeping, vaginal dryness…

Fuck.

…a reduced sex drive

Double fuck.

…, mood swings, palpitations, joint stiffness, recurrent UTIs.

“Jesus” he groaned to himself, shoving his phone back in his pocket. He could attribute at least 10 of those to Katie over the past few months, remembering clearly the other day she’d flipped out at the fact her jeans were a little tight at the moment, and she’d had a banging headache yesterday morning, and had managed about 4 hours sleep…then there was the memory loss as she’d gone into the kitchen with the remote control and come back without it, having put it in the fridge, she’d complained last week her boobs were constantly sore…

Steve shook his head, if she was going through all this then she was entitled to be a little off and he was going to have to just put up with it as best he could.

He pressed his palm to the pad on the gate and once it was open enough he slipped through and walked to the door, sliding his key into the lock. Stark instantly shot out to greet him and after bending to give the dog loves he stood up and followed the soft tones of the piano to the den where Katie was playing with Rori on her lap already dressed for bed.

“Ok, now you try…” his wife said softly, and Rori placed her hands on the keys and began to track her mother’s movements.

“Almost…” Katie grinned, looking down at her, before her hands moved back and she played up a slowly “Try again.” This time Rori nailed it and let out a squeal as Katie laughed and dropped a kiss to her head.

“Nice work Princess…” Steve said, and they both turned to look at him.

“Daddy!” Rori said with a grin, shooting off the stool to run to him. He swept her up and gave her a big kiss on the cheek.

“Hey.” he smiled at her “You had a good day?”

Rori nodded “We did err…that thing where you do the numbers with each other and…what was it momma?”

“Times tables.” Katie smiled and Rori nodded.

“Yeah that, and then we did some reading and I got a gold star for doing a full chapter.”

“No way!” Steve grinned “You’re a brainbox just like your ma.” “So Momma made us all tacos for tea as a treat and then I did some piano!”

“I saved you some.” Katie looked at Steve “Wasn’t sure if you’d have eaten or not.” “Thanks.” he smiled at her taking her gesture for exactly what he knew it was, an apology. “The boys in bed?”

“Harry is. Jamie is in his room on his computer.”

“Ok, I’ll pop up. You ready for bed munchkin?”

Rori nodded “Story time?”

“You bet.”

With Rori in his arms he crossed the room to drop a kiss to Katie’s head before he took his daughter upstairs, Stark following. By the time he’d read Rori a story, tucked her in, checked on Harry and then had a hushed argument with Jamie about how he had another 30 minutes before lights almost 40 minutes had passed before he finally headed downstairs.

Katie was in the kitchen loading stuff into the dishwasher and he made his way over, wrapping his arms round her waist.

“I’m sorry.” she said gently, turning to face him, her hands gently scratching at his beard “I was out of order yesterday…” “It’s ok…” “No, it’s not.” she sighed “I’ve been up and down all over the last few months and taking it out on you and the kids isn’t fair.”

“Do you know why?” Steve asked, wondering how on earth he was going to broach the subject.

“Yeah, well, maybe. I spoke to Pepper before when she rang asking what time she should send Happy for the kids tomorrow, and she suggested I might be…” Katie took a deep breath “…going through the change, so to speak…” If Pepper had been in the room right there and then, Steve would have probably kissed her for being the one to bring this up so he didn’t have to.

“Anyway, I’ve made an appointment to go to the Doctor’s tomorrow.” Katie shrugged.

“Do you want me to come?” Steve asked.

“No.” she said, “It’s the middle of the afternoon. You’ll be in class.” “Ok.” he said, “Well, whatever it is we’ll work it together, yeah” “I know.” she smiled, as he leaned down to give her a kiss.

“And as the kids are at Peppers tomorrow, I think that means we can spend a bit of time alone…” he nudged her nose with his and she smiled “Take out, bottle of wine…” “The dog…” she smirked and Steve laughed.

“I’ll lock him in the hallway…” “You can’t do that to him!” she said, scoffing. “Poor Stark…”

“You hated him yesterday…”

“I don’t hate him.” she said softly “He’s just not Lucky…but Jamie made me realise something before. He pointed out that he has so many little personality traits that are different to Lucky…he’s his own dog, in his own right…I’ve not really been fair to him…”

“Hey…” he said, spotting the tears in her eyes. “Honey don’t…” “See!” she blurted out, spluttering a laugh as she wiped at her face “This is fucking ridiculous…”

Steve chuckled as he wrapped his arms around her again and she pressed her cheek into his t-shirt, breathing in his smell as she always did when she needed to ground herself. A mixture of the sandalwood notes in his aftershave, the soft linen smell of his clothes and, well, another smell, a manly type of note that she simply called his Steve scent. One that she insisted no other man smelt like and that she told him she was convinced came from the serum.

“I don’t wanna be going through the menopause” she moaned, “I don’t wanna get old, and wrinkly, and fat and…barren…”

At that Steve laughed, because he couldn’t fucking help it.

“Barren?” he looked down at her, shaking his head “You’re such an idiot…we have 4 kids…you gave birth to 3 of them.” “Don’t remind me.” she pulled back and narrowed her eyes “Rori’s birth still haunts me.”

“You know I was so proud of you that day.” he smiled at her. “Still am.”

“I’ve never been so frightened in my life.” she said, “And I mean that…even when we fought…and Tony…” she trailed off and swallowed “But I’d do it all again in a heartbeat because she’s so damned perfect and amazing…”

Something washed over Steve at her words, a feeling of pure love but also unadulterated absolute, heartfelt desire and he tipped his wife’s chin up so that she was looking directly at him, and he dropped his face.

“God I fucking love you…” he mumbled, pressing his lips to hers again, his arms pulling her closer.

“Yeah?” she asked as his hands moved to her hips and he gently lifted her up onto the counter.

“Yeah…” he said, standing in between her legs, his mouth dropping to her neck. She rolled her head back, giving him better access as he nipped at her pulse-point, before his lips moved to that hollow at the bottom of her throat, his beard scratching her skin. She let out a soft sigh as he smirked a little, her legs hooking around his waist to pull him closer.

“Want something baby girl?” he asked and she let out a groan at his words.

“Yeah, you…” she said, shamelessly.

“Well we all know that you always get what you want, brat…” he muttered, his lips sliding up to hers and he kissed her hard, his tongue sliding against hers as his hands moved to pop the button on her denim shots before he gently grasped at the waistband and she shifted to allow him to pull them down over her legs, tossing them to one side. His hands slip up underneath the t-shirt she was wearing, pulling down one side of her bra, his hands gently teasing at her nipple, all the time listening to the soft noises and groans she was making as he continued, his nose brushing against hers, smiling softly.

“You like that?” he whispered, knowing full well that she did, but he knew she liked his soft dirty talk and she gave a sigh and a nod, followed by a little squeak as he pushed two fingers insider her.

Her head fell forward onto his shoulder as her hands grasped at his back through his T-shirt, and as he continued to stroke and coax her she bit down on his neck causing him to hiss slightly at the bite of pain.

“Need you…” she purred into his ear “Please.”

And when she asked like that, he was always powerless to refuse. This woman was his absolute weakness.

He moved his head to kiss her again, and removing his hand from her panties he reached up and pulled them down before he stood up, and she reached for his belt, opening it easily and quickly before doing the same to the button and zip on his jeans. She pushed them down, over his hips as Steve’s hands moved to her back and he gently pulled her forwards, sliding her towards him, letting her feel how ready he was. She reached down and gently gave his hard cock a pump up and down and he let out a groan as he pulled her off the counter slightly, her legs wrapping around his waist, arms round his neck, her lower back resting against the side of the worktop both of them letting out a load moan of satisfaction as he pushed forward, all the way home.

Steve’s head dropped to Katie’s shoulder, his mouth once more on the pulse point in her neck as he thrust again, his hands on her back, keeping her supported slightly

“God you feel so good…” he said, his lips moving back to hers as he set a pace that was torturously slow, and deep, and loving. Thrust after thrust he kept his lips either on hers or centimetres away, watching her intently as her pupils blew as he worked her up, driving into her, as deep as he could go, one hand resting at the back of her spine to keep her back from slamming into the harsh marble edge of the counter, the other guiding her head so he could kiss her, hard.

Her hands moved, the nails scraping lightly at the nape of his neck, and Steve felt himself falter for a split second at her touch.  

“Fuck doll…” he groaned into her mouth as she grinned cheekily, her hands sliding down to his bare ass as she urged him on, desperate for him to pick up the pace. So be obliged, giving her what she wanted.

Because he always did.

She held on to his ass for dear life, moaning with her body arching in his hands, the fabric of his jeans chafed delectably against her thighs, the belt buckle hitting her hard with every thrust and before long she let out a loud groan, her hands tightening on his skin as she cried out as he quickened his pace even more, causing her to gasp his name, a broken mumble of the word “Stevie…” before she let out a breathless gasp, her voice catching in her throat as the world began to tip on its axis.

“Come on, come for me doll…” he whispered, his breath hot on her ear. And that was it, she dropped over the edge, her head falling back as her hands slid up and grasped tightly on the hem of his shirt as she clenched around him, again and again, groaning and trembling, powerless to stop her body’s reactions. It took him another couple of thrusts before he gave a soft “oh” of pleasure, her name tumbled from his mouth before he bit down on her shoulder softly, reacting his own end. He gave a few erratic thrusts, pumping with short, deep strokes which sent Katie over another peak, but this was feeble as she collapsed forward, her head laying on his shoulder, utterly spent.

They stayed still for a moment, the only sound in the room was the ticking of the clock on the wall as Steve gently held his wife to him, as they both evened out from their high.

“Love you…” she said softly, kissing the tip of his nose causing him to smile, that cheeky smile he saved just for her before his lips met hers again

“Good, because I love you too pretty girl, more than you could ever know.”

***** If he was honest, Steve had forgotten all about Katie’s appointment until just after lunch, when he ushered his students into the seminar room and smiled at one of them, a small, slight red head, also called Katie. With a quick curse at himself, he fired his wife a text telling her to call him when she’d been seen, and that he loved her, before he closed the door and sat down in his chair and began to talk the group through the notes from the lecture before he invited them to discuss the subject of Money, impressionism and the understanding how the juxta positioning of colours against one another reflected the effects of light on objects.

Katie didn’t reply, other than to say that she was ok, the appointment had been fine and that Happy was on his way to collect the kids to take them to Pepper’s for the weekend. He’d said goodbye to them this morning, the 3 of them not in the slightest bit bothered they wouldn’t see him until Sunday, which was always something that slightly peeved him a little, but also made him glad that they had a good time with the Auntie and Cousin whilst they were at the lake house. It was important to him, and Katie, that their kids kept a good relationship with Pepper and Morgan, as they’d all be so close before Tony had died, so once a month all their kids headed up there, and then 2 weeks later Morgan would spend the weekend with them.

Steve drove the relatively short distance home and walked into the house, finding Katie at the kitchen table, face-timing Emmy and Brooke. He dropped a kiss to her cheek and waved at his eldest and he best friend, joining in the chat until they declared they had to get ready for the next round of partying and bid them both goodbye. Katie dropped the phone to the table as Steve stood up and retrieved a beer from the fridge. Katie waved off his offer and ran her hands over her face, a tired expression on her features as she stood up.

“Hey, you ok?” he asked, a little concerned as he flipped the lid off his beer. “Yeah…” she nodded, her eyes flickering to the white bag on the table which bore the Pharmacy logo on the front.

“I take it the Doctors gave you something then, for the…” he said, nodding towards it, taking a drink from the bottle. “It’s not the menopause.” she cut him off, shaking her head.

Steve frowned, “It’s not.” “No, I err…” she swallowed and looked at him “Steve, you might wanna sit down.”

“Are you sick?” Steve frowned, ignoring her instruction, his mind flying all over the place. That was his worst nightmare; that she got sick and it was serious, meaning she’d end up leaving him and the kids behind…

“Steve…” “Baby you’re worrying me…”

“I’m pregnant.” she blurted out.

The bottle Steve was holding slipped from his hand and landed on the tiles, shattering at his feet, showering the bottoms of his trousers in beer but he paid it no attention. Instead, he blinked, his wife’s words echoing around his head.

“Pregnant…” he whispered. “How, I mean…you’re on the pill…”

Katie shrugged “It can happen, apparently, and of course it would happen to us…”

Steve looked at her as she stood, her eyes locked onto his. They had certainly not planned this, one iota. Harry was meant to be their last, their little “one more” as they’d put it. But here they were, with another “one more” on the way.

“I…” Steve was struggling to find his words. “Honey…this…I…shit…”

“You know I expect this one…” she pointed to her belly “To be more articulate than you’re being right now when they’re two…”

He looked at her, blinked and then his face split into a huge grin and he pulled her to him, pressing his lips to hers in an excited kiss. “Oh my baby momma…” he pulled back, his hands cupping her face as she smiled up at him and he grinned cheekily “I got you pregnant 4 times…”

“Yeah, now I come to think of it the plants in the hallway are withering a little. Maybe you can go jerk off in the pots, bring them back to life.” she quipped.

“I’d rather fuck you if it’s all the same…” he grinned, reaching down and grabbing the back of her thighs, hauling her up against him as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

“Take me to bed Soldier” she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, and not one who needed asking twice, Steve kissed her again before he backed them out of the kitchen.

N/B SURPRISE MOFOS…BET YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT ONE COMING!!! Baby Rogers no 5 is on the way!!!!!

**Original Posting**

[fugitive-steven-au]

100 Followers??

Honestly, I really can’t believe that I’ve made it to 100 followers. I was blown away at 50! I can’t thank you guys enough! I decided that to celebrate 100 followers I would post a drabble concept that I wrote a while ago, and I made a piece of art to go with it at the end. It takes place a bit after Steven and Spinel get back from space. I hope you all enjoy! (I’m not the best author haha, criticism is appreciated!)

Steven had just gotten home, and already an argument had started. Maybe he should’ve just stayed in space.

It started when, during small talk, Pearl had made the comment: “I’m glad to see you left that garden Spinel!” After the words left her mouth, everyone noticed the change in the air and looked to Spinel. The Crystal Gems were startled to see Spinel staring at Pearl, an unreadable expression on her face. She opened her mouth to say something, when they were all surprised to hear a quiet, “…what?” They all turned to face Steven, seeing him looking between Pearl and Spinel, his face a mixture of horror and disturbance.

“You… you knew she was there?” At that question, Pearl seemed to jump before she started to look a bit uncomfortable.

“W-well, yes, I did know she was there.” Steven looked at Pearl, his horror turning to anger.

“You knew she was there and you did nothing about it?!” Steven pointed accusingly at her chest. “You knew she was there, standing alone in a garden in space, and you just decided that you couldn’t spare a second to go there and take her to a safe place?!!” At this, Pearl takes a more defensive stance against Steven’s jabbing.

“Well there wasn’t much I could do Steven! There was a war going on and I had more important things to think about!”

“Oh! That’s your excuse? In case you haven’t noticed Pearl, the war is over! You’ve had plenty of free time between missions! What could be more important than someone else’s life??” Spinel looked uncomfortably between the two. She didn’t really know the Crystal Gems, but she felt like this wasn’t normal behavior.

“Steven, we were preoccupied with juggling Peridot with trying to get you back! We didn’t really have free time!” Pearl explained with a quick voice.

“What about before I was launched into space? Oh, and by the way, why was I launched into space? Or need I remind you of the fact that it was YOUR spear that bit into my side?!” Steven yelled back, lifting up his shirt to show her the scar. At this, Pearl froze up, one hand going to her mouth with the other going into her hair. “… what..?” she asked in a broken, distraught voice, her eyes never leaving the scar. Steven’s voice lost a bit of heat and his shoulders sagged as he said, “You… you should’ve gone and got her from that garden.” With that, he turned and walked out of the house, hoping to clear his head. Spinel looked to Pearl, who had sunk to her knees and now had tears in her eyes, then to Garnet and Amethyst, who looked shocked, with Garnet’s form wavering. She knew they probably shouldn’t be left alone, but she didn’t know them, and she knew that Steven was upset, so she went after him. She found him by the edge of the beach, drawing idly in the sand with a stick, knees up to his chin. Spinel slowly approached, sitting down next to him. They just watched the waves for a bit, before the silence was broken by Steven.

“Why aren’t you upset…?” Spinel looked over to find him looking at her with a sad look in his eyes. She gave him a bittersweet smile, looking back to the ocean before saying, “I am upset Steven. But I know that she couldn’t have done anything.”

“I just don’t understand… how can you sit here and defend her, after being abandoned and left alone for so long, waiting for someone who would never come back to you?” Spinel’s expression became more bitter, looking down at her hands.

“I was naive back then, Steven. Stupid and gullible-”

“NO Spinel!” Steven stands up so suddenly that he almost falls back into the water, his expression once again full of rage. Directed at who, Spinel wasn’t sure. 

“You were manipulated by someone you loved, someone you trusted, left alone! I don’t know how you found it in you to trust anyone again, let alone me! Pink Diamond used you, and then tossed you aside, and that’s not okay! None of this is okay! You deserve better!” Spinel could do nothing but stare as Steven huffed in anger. She knew he was a caring child, but she never would’ve expected just how deeply he cared. She slowly stood up, eyes never leaving Steven’s as she walked over to him. She looked at him a bit longer before smiling sadly and pulling him into a hug, her left hand settling in his hair. 

“I have you now, Bubs,” Spinel whispered, the nickname bringing tears to Steven’s eyes, “I know you would never leave me, and I need you to know that I feel the same way about you.” Spinel finally let her tears fall as she felt Steven return the hug. They sat together on the beach until sunset.

[fireopal-tash]

How everything started...

If only everybody could see you

Through my eyes

We wouldn't have to worry and leave it all behind

I know it isn't easy but I think we need a brand new start

I'll hold your heart

It was not a good start, nor a bad one. It was not an impulsive moment, much less a thoughtful one.

Spinel spent a week with Steven on Earth, after the Crystal Gems received a message from the Diamonds. Something about a mission, and making peace (peace treaty) with other species. They couldn't take Spinel with them, so they decided that it was best for her to stay on Earth. With Steven. Protected. That was it. Nothing happened, and Spinel returned to Homeworld soon after. Nothing changed... Or so everyone believed.

It wasn't until in Little Homeworld a healed corrupted gem saw them holding hands, laughing and having a good time that things went downhill. They explained they were simply spending some time together, like any friends, but the crystal gems were still upset that the hybrid never told them anything about where he went and with whom. Pearl, specially, freaked out when she saw it was Spinel with whom he was spending time. He couldn't understand why.

Steven was with Connie (it was one of those days when Connie had free time for him), and the boy asked his best friend her opinion about Spinel.

"Steven... I don't think it's a good idea" she started carefully.

"What? Why?" the young hybrid asked without showing his anguish.

"Because she tried to kill you. You and the Crystal Gems" she pointed out "Look, I know you want to help her, but maybe you should let someone else do it" she explained softly.

"No, you don't understand" he shook his head "It's my responsibility. I have to help her. No one else can because... Because no one else can understand her. Only me. And she is not the only gem that tried to kill us, you know? At least she knew it was me, not Pink Diamond"

"She was… trapped, wasn't she? Then Lapis would be the most suitable. Also, she tried to kill you because of your mum" she countered.

"You see!? You don't understand either. Aghhh" he suddenly stood up, anxiety gnawing at his mind "She was abandoned, not trapped. She faithfully waited for my mom for thousands of years!"

"And how about Pearl?" the brunette tried.

Steven groaned, increasingly annoyed that no one could understand him. But that wasn't true, was it? Someone understood him. And that someone was Spinel.. Steven ran away, glowing pink.

"Steven...!" Connie called.

All of my friends and family

Keep saying you're no good

Now that I'm finally happy

Wish that they understood

They may be disapproving

But that ain't tearing us apart

I'll hold your heart

Spinel couldn't meet with Steven after that hasty goodbye. She could still hear the shouting. Such horrible words. She didn't like that one bit. He was her friend, their family. Why were they being so cruel to him? Why wouldn't they let her calm him down.

So what if they were having a good time?

So what if they wanted to be friends?

What difference did it make to them?

What rights did they have to spoil something that was just beginning to flourish?

All those questions were echoing over and over again in her mind, fueling her anger, her contempt for those gems. Towards everyone. But never to Steven. He needed her. And she needed him.

"Spinel, we know that you only wanted to see Steven. We do to. But, surely you understand that it is not right for you to leave without saying a word to us"

Oh, she knew that very well. But it was exactly for that reason that neither of them said anything. They wanted to test their friendship first, before rushing headfirst. They didn't want interference of any kind. It was their life after all.

It was not fair.

Where did everything went so wrong?

Exhausted every option

It's time to run away

Won't even pack a suitcase

I don't need anything

As long as you're besides me

I know that it'll be okay

We'll be okay

Weeks later, after sneaking away from Homeworld again, Spinel managed to speak to Steven, in his room, while everyone else was asleep (or in the case of the gems, in their own room)

"Are you sure?" he asked hesitantly. He was so nervous. What if the gems find out? They would be separated!

Spinel nodded enthusiastically. She had been planning it carefully. Today they were going to leave, they were going to their new home, a home of their own. Far from responsibilities. Away from people who only saw someone else in them. No more Pink Diamond. They were going to be free at last.

"Ok. I trust you. I hope everything works out. How are we going to get there?"

"With Little Homeworld's portal, of course. We will be caught immediately if we use yours. Although, we have to go undercover, just in case" She smirk, satisfied with her plan. She was not stupid, after all. Just a fool.

Steven shared her smile, feeling excited.

Cuz if it's us

Against the world we'll fight it

And win as long as we're united

"Steven?" Pearl called from the bottom of the stairs. Receiving no answer, she went upstairs, determined to wake Steven up. Upon opening the door, however, there was no one in there. Thinking that maybe he would be in the bathroom, she went downstairs again and headed for the other room. She knocked a couple of times. Nobody answered. The fear was taking over the pale gem. Steven was surely fine. These past few weeks he seemed fine, at least. But what if...?

"Steven?" she called again.

"Is he still in the bathroom?" Amethyst said, noticing the other gem in concern.

"I think so... But he would have already answered me" she scowled.

"Maybe he's drowned in the bathtub," joked the purple gem.

"Don't joke about it, Amethyst!"

"Seriously, what's wrong with taking a little more time in the bathroom? Besides, maybe he's still annoyed with us" she said seemingly exasperated.

"Annoyed? Why would he be annoyed with us?" the purple gem rolled her eyes, tired of the tallest blindness.

"Maybe because we are overwhelming? Overprotective? And by "we" I mean you, and maybe Garnet" she finished, with irritation. She really needed to let out everything she thought about this situation.

Take my hand and don't you let it go now

We'll find our way out when we are faced with danger

Steven and Spinel were in the garden. No one was around as expected, but still, they waited holding their breath and their hands. Nothing was happening. The portal didn't activate. They were alone. Together. They smiled widely. And laughed.

And eyes that stares at us in anger

Take my hand and don't you let it go now

"Garnet. Do you know where he...?" Pearl tried to ask the fusion. She was stopped.

"Not now"

"But Garnet!" she complained.

"I said not now. I don't know where he is. I can't even..." She let out a painful cry before a light appeared, separating both gems.

"Oh no. What have we done?" whispered Sapphire, both oh her hands covering her mouth. Her blue orb full of guilt and fear.

We'll find our way out

I'm tired of all the hiding

When the gems told Greg what happened, for the first time ever, he yelled at them. Worse than the time they kidnapped baby Steven in the middle of a snowstorm.

Unspoken secrecy

Cuz nothing's more exciting

When they talked to Lapis, Peridot and Bismuth, they were yelled at again. Never had the crystal gems felt worse than now. They knew it was their fault Steven ran away.

When you're right next to me

I'm captured by the feeling

Connie was the last one to know about their mistake. She just looked at them, disappointed. She waited for Steven. She had faith in him. He would return to her. He always did.

Of when you're wrapped up in my arms

In my arms

Despite all the searching, they never found him. Nothing. No one knew anything about him, nor did he ever came back home.

But one day, they found a little Spinel, far from Homeworld, whistling while looking at some dresses and shorts, shopping apparently.

I don't have all the answers

Not sure what we should do

But it doesn't really matter

I'm so in love with you

As long as you're besides me

I know it'll be okay

We'll be okay

"Our way out" song by Nico Collins

IMPORTANT: Steven and Spinel didn't rushed their decision, but they didn't think it through either. Don't be too harsh on them. They are still young (in fact, worse. Because he is a teenager and Spinel acts like a teenager too, so it was expected xD And Steven almost did the same with Connie, when they were younger)

Another thing. No one thought that Steven was with Spinel because of the time they spent apart, and because they tried to appear like nothing changed. It may sound logic to us, readers, but it's not. That's life without a narrator xD

Also: if it's a ship, or just friends, or family, it depends on the reader~ See them as you want xD I don't care~ xP

People tend to forget the most obvious clues ^w^'

Here a FanArt!

(why I'm always drawing the wrong hand to hold? xD Oh well~)

[krisseycrystal]

rated: g

fandom: Steven Universe

prompt: “Competition” + BisPearl (& Steven)

requested by: @moominquartz​ (& myself)

SO I’M PRETTY SURE when my darling husband, Isaiah, first said “I can’t decide to request BisPearl w/ Competition or Protecting Someone You Love” I said “both” but then SUF ended and I cried my eyes out and got slammed with feelings to explore Steven’s adventures post-show, out on his own, while still connecting with the gems who love him 

maybe just bc under this past year i, too, moved out for good across the country from my family and i want to see him enjoying it

so now have this lengthy oneshot. enjoy!!

- o - o - o -

Put it There [Read on AO3]

- o - o - o -

Give me your hand, I’d like to shake it, I wanna show you I’m your friend You’ll understand if I can make it clear, It’s all that matters in the end

- o - o - o - 

Steven is in some tiny nowhere town in the snow-capped mountains of Wyobrado when Pearl comes to visit. Unlike Amethyst, Pearl doesn’t have a bag in her hand when she arrives. She warps in to the nearest pad with the clothes on her back and a bright smile on her face and as soon as she sees him, she extends her hands and trills, “Oh, Steven!” and Steven lets her run to him, laughing as they crash into each other.

The air is full of, “So how’ve you been?” and “I’m so happy to see you again,” and “I saw the pictures you sent! You look like you’re taking to skiing much better than roller-skating!” and “Oh! Is that what it looks like?”

They talk for the entire drive down the mountainside to the classic 50’s-style diner run by Old Marjory. Steven finds out this was a mistake when Old Marjory, who absolutely adores him, meets Pearl, who also absolutely adores him. Steven tries to hide his head under his menu and even then, he doesn’t feel like he’s able to fully escape.

“Did you have to tell her the one about the Ready-Whip?” he whines once Old Marjory has stepped away.

Pearl laughs. Steven watches her thumbs fly across the screen of her phone and wonders if he’s part of the reason she’s somehow gotten so fast at texting while he’s been gone. “Why? Were you embarrassed?”

“Uh, duh! Anything that happens when you’re twelve is embarrassing.” 

“Huh. Really? I wouldn’t know.”

Steven scoffs and props his elbow up on the formica table. “Course you wouldn’t,” he says with his cheek squished against the heel of his hand. He watches the birds gathering on the telephone wires on the street. After a moment of silence, he looks to Pearl again.

Her pale blue eyes are still on her phone.

Huh.

“So, uh, I know we just drove down the mountain, but we’re going to have to drive back up after dinner to get to the B&B I’m staying at. Sorry about that. Old Marjory’s chicken and waffles make the out-of-the-way drive totally worth it though; I promise.”

Steven looks up from where his finger has begun to idly draw shapes on the patterned formica.

Pearl’s response is a second delayed. “Hm? Oh, no, that’s fine. You know I don’t mind riding in the Dondai with you.” 

“Yeah,” Steven says slowly. His eyes dart between Pearl’s face and her phone, hovering in front of her pointed nose. “Speaking of which, the B&B is really cool. It looks like a ski lodge, but much smaller. It’s got this awesome stone fireplace in the common room; I can’t wait for you to see it! I love playing the new Hummingbird with my feet up against the gate.”

“That sounds wonderful, Steven.”

“Yeah…” Steven swallows. He drops his hand from his cheek and straightens up. “So, hey, uh, is everything okay?”

Pearl’s gaze finally snaps up. “Huh? Oh, yes. Everything’s fine.” She smiles and--for the first time that Steven can remember--instead of putting her phone away in the ether of her gem, she turns it over and places it on the table at her elbow. Just before she locks the screen, Steven thinks he catches the name sprawled across the top of the text message window.

Peridot. 

Double huh.

He didn’t know those two were on such familiar speaking terms.

“Do you like it here in Peak City?”

Steven chuckles and shrugs, but avoids meeting Pearl’s gaze. He knows what she’s really asking. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. Old Marjory’s waffles do make a pretty convincing argument to stay. I just…don’t know if this is the place for me yet.”

“That’s okay! You haven’t been to all 39 states yet. You still have 12 more left, right? That’s 12 more options and countless more cities among them, too.”

It’s the little things--the little details that Pearl remembers--that shows how much she really does pay attention to his texts and letters. His heart feels warm. Whatever tension that was building in his body ebbs. He crosses his arms over the formica table. “Yeah,” he sighs and smiles.

He is so, so glad to see Pearl.

Pearl continues right on as if he hadn’t said a word and he lets her prattle, listening fondly with his chin resting against his forearm.

“You’ll find your place, Steven. And even if that place changes over time, that’s okay, too. Why, you know how many temples your mother, Garnet, and I went through before we settled on the one in Beach City? Not that there were many completed temples on Earth before the war started, and not to mention there were a lot of upgrades we had to do to the temple’s interior to make it suitable, but stars, you should have seen it before we put our own spin on it! Come to think of it, that temple has undergone several changes since then, as well…”

- o - o - o -

It’s not like Pearl needs a bed, but they accept the cot anyway from the kindhearted B&B owner when his husband nods at them from over his shoulder with a look that reads, “Just let him give you the thing and be done with it.” 

The cot remains folded and upright on its wheels, pressed to the far wall, as Steven and Pearl stay up late into the night talking and talking and talking.

“How’s everyone in Beach City?”

“Great. The annual Food Truck Fair was two weeks ago. It was a--what do you call it? A hit? Everyone loved it; Beach City had hundreds of off-season visitors. Mayor Nanafua was proud. So was Mr. Dewey, I think. You should come by to see it next year; Blue Lace is talking about getting a Spacetries truck for it.”

“That’s amazing!”

“Little Homeschool’s growing every day. Winter Break’s coming up too, you know. Garnet, Amethyst, your father, and I have been talking about using the time off to come see you together, if you don’t mind dealing with us again in a few weeks.”

“You know there’s nothing I’d love more than that.”

Pearl smiles and puts her hand in his curly hair. She leans forward and presses a kiss to his brow.

“We can talk more tomorrow. Why don’t you get some sleep?”

“Kay. Love you, Pearl.”

“I love you, too, Steven.”

- o - o - o -

Steven isn’t sure what wakes him. He stares groggily at the red 2:03 AM glaring at him from next to the bed and rolls over.

The light of Pearl’s phone screen illuminates her waxy, furrowed face. Her gaze is focused, thumbs moving rapidly across the bottom. Again. A deep frown curls her mouth. Tension tightens her form and stiffens her already rigid posture.

“Pearl?” he groans.

Pearl’s head jerks up from her phone. The light catches her surprise before she locks the screen and douses the room in night. 

“Steven?” her voice swims to him from the chair closest to the curtained window. “I’m sorry. I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“I don’t think so.” He rubs at an eye. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes.”

Steven wishes he could see her. Pearl may have been the original secret-keeper, but she has never been good at lying. He wonders if he should ask about her phone; if he should question what’s going on with Peridot and whatever it is that’s got Pearl frowning so much when it’s only the first night of her visit.

But he wonders if that’s just him being petty, hoping she would be so excited to see him that nothing could be wrong.

“You’d tell me if it wasn’t, right?”

There’s a split-second of hesitation. At first, Steven worries that it means whatever follows will be a lie and he doesn’t want to think about the implications of that--but then the mattress dips and familiar, slender fingers card through his curls. A warm hand brushes against the curve of his ear.

“I would, Steven.” 

Steven takes a breath. He tells himself to trust those words. With Pearl’s hand in his hair, he falls back to sleep.

- o - o - o -

The next morning, Steven wakes to find that it has once again snowed outside his bedroom window, just as it has for so many of the other nights he’s spent at this B&B. He thinks this might be the perfect time to finally get Pearl on a set of skis at the resort further up the mountain.

“Have you ever done this before?”

“You know,” Pearl says as she stares at the giant boots Steven hands her, “I think I’d remember if I had.”

Steven snickers and takes that as a no. He gets to his knees in front of her feet. “Just a heads-up, then: these are going to get pretty tight.”

“What? Steven? What are you--” Pearl’s face does a weird thing when she looks at him. When he raises an eyebrow, pale blue floods her cheeks and she waves a hand, looking away. “--s-sorry. Go on. What were you saying about the boots?”

“Uh.” 

Steven half-wonders if he should say something. He’s spoken with his therapist about this before: how he’s gotten instinctively used to knowing when one of the gems are looking at him but not seeing him. His therapist has said not to skip over that feeling like he has learned to do his entire life.

This could be such a good moment to practice it; he knows it could be. 

But he straps on Pearl’s boots for her and says, “I said they’ll feel tight. They’re supposed to be,” anyway and feels disappointed in himself.

“You’re sure I shouldn’t fashion my own?”

“It’s better not to. They’re tight for a reason. You’ll see.” Steven stands back up and picks up the skis sitting next to the crate Pearl’s perched on. He reaches out to hand Pearl her rented set when Pearl’s phone chimes.

“Oh!” As if struck, Pearl straightens. Her hand flies into her pocket. “I’m sorry. Give me just one second, Steven.”

“Oh…uh, okay.” Steven withdraws his hand. And the skis.

The excited smile that had been stretching Pearl’s mouth dims the instant she unlocks her cell.

Steven’s fingers tap against the flat side of his own skis. “You sure everything’s okay?”

Pearl doesn’t answer. She stares at her screen with a deep frown until finally her thumbs dance across its surface madly. “I’m sorry, Steven. What did you say?” she asks when she’s finally done.

Steven watches the phone slip right back into Pearl’s pocket, not her pearl. He passes over the skis.

“It’s nothing.”

- o - o - o -

They take a bunny hill first. 

Pearl is nervous, as Steven remembers he himself was a few days ago, but he smiles warmly as he and the attendant patiently explain over and over again how, exactly, she is supposed to fall. 

“Why is this even a thing?” Pearl mumbles and Steven laughs. “A sport in which humans first have to learn how to properly fail before they can even begin trying?”

Isn’t that just life? Steven wants to say, but the words balance on the tip of his tongue and don’t slip off. He laughs and shrugs and says instead, “I don’t really know. Must be a human thing, I guess. I think we do a lot of that in general, anyway.”

There’s something in Pearl’s gaze that makes Steven’s chest warm and fuzzy when she looks at him.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Pearl shakes her head. Her soft smile melts into something determined. “All right. Okay! Let’s do this--this--what did you call it? Skiing? Let’s ski, shall we?” she cries and pulls down the snow goggles she fashioned around her own head.

Pearl takes the bunny hill stiffly, her body refusing to yield the snow. She descends the slope in a completely straight line.

Steven laughs so hard he almost falls over.

- o - o - o -

Pearl is a quick study. Steven has always admired that about her: how quickly she can adapt and master a new skill. They talk the entire ski-lift up to the higher hill about it and Pearl gets so bashful after all of his compliments and says, “Oh, stop it,” and Steven realizes how much he really was looking forward to this: spending time with Pearl again.

Then Pearl’s phone chimes.

And Steven’s smile slips.

“Oh! One moment,” Pearl says. 

Steven watches the emotions that play across her face as she bends over her phone. He hates the way his chest twists at them. He hates the way he resents something that isn’t really a problem; it shouldn’t be a problem. So why, again, is he upset?

“Okay,” Pearl finally says as their seat approaches the hillcrest. “And just in time!”

The bar is unlocked and Steven drops down onto the snow. His fall is fast and heavy; it shoots hard through his knees.

“Wha--” Pearl scrabbles to follow. She isn’t quite used to the long planks strapped to her boots and wobbles once she lands. Her sticks wave dangerously before she plants them into the snow. “Steven! Wait!” 

Steven’s throat is tight and it’s stupid. He feels stupid. He shakes his head and pulls down his goggles. “Sorry. You okay?”

He can’t see Pearl’s face; he knows she can’t see his eyes. But he hates the way he knows all the same that she’s looking at him and seeing straight through him. 

“You’re not.”

Steven bursts. “Of course I’m not!” 

He hates it as soon as it leaves his mouth but it’s true and didn’t his therapist talk about being more honest about how he feels, anyway? About being more unafraid to talk to his family about the things festering inside? He forcibly swallows down the wall he wants to build in his head and in his heart. “This is probably gonna sound really, really petty, but I was really looking forward to you visiting me, Pearl! I was looking forward to this!”

“Oh, Steven,” Pearl says in that way she always has for as long as he’s known her. She frees a mittened hand and touches his shoulder. “That’s not petty. You know I’ve been looking forward to spending time with you, too.”

“No! I don’t know!”

Pearl blinks. Her hand falters. 

“I don’t know that you’ve been looking forward to seeing me again, because honestly it doesn’t feel like you’re here sometimes! Like you’re here, but you’re…not really here. Do you want to be here, Pearl? Do you want to go skiing? Or are you just trying to keep me happy? Because we can go back to the B&B, and you can go back to Beach City if--if there’s more important things waiting for--”

“--oh, Steven!” Pearl’s hand flies to her mouth. “Is that how you feel?”

Okay, so, we’ve reached this point, Steven wants to say to the copy of his therapist in his head. We’ve put everything out there. Now what’s supposed to happen? Is he supposed to feel good?

“Y-yeah,” he rasps. He blinks hard and his ski goggles fog up. He pushes them back up onto his brow with a sniff. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

Pearl hugs him. 

“Oh no, Steven, I’m sorry!” she cries. “You’re right! You’re absolutely right! I’ve been so rude to you!” After a sniff, she pulls away and flourishes away her mittens to wipe at her face. “Ugh, I’m such a hypocritical fool! After everything that’s been going on with Bismuth, now I’m doing the same thing to--”

“--w-wait, what’s going on with Bismuth?”

Pearl’s head snaps up. Her cheeks are a strange, unnatural shade of ice blue. “I…”

Steven shoves his ski sticks into the snow and searches Pearl’s face. “Wait. Did something happen to her? Is she okay?”

“What? No. I mean, yes! She’s fine. She’s just…” Pearl looks away. The blue is everywhere, now, spilling down her neck and off-coloring her usual shade of porcelain hue. “…she’s great, actually. Little Homeschool keeps her busy. She’s also been, um, how you like to say ‘hanging out’ with other people. Especially Biggs. Those two have finally reconnected after all this time. They’re thick as thieves. I…I don’t know, I guess I’m just…”

Pieces are startling to click in Steven’s head. One by one. He blinks. “W-wait. Is this why you’ve been texting Peridot? Are you…trying to keep tabs on Bismuth?”

“What? How do you know I’ve been--?”

“--are you jealous, Pearl?”

“Wha--” Pearl freezes, mouth hanging agape and speechless. “Jealous! No! Of course not! I would never…”

Steven can’t help it. He laughs.

Perhaps it’s the relief of finally getting everything off his chest and being told it’s okay. Perhaps it’s just because he’s really glad Pearl’s just being Pearl and nothing is truly seriously wrong at home. Or perhaps he’s just genuinely found it really funny that of all the people in the world, it is Pearl who has found competition trying to vy for Bismuth’s attention--who, last time he was on the phone with, has been voicing similar worries about Pearl and her time she was spending with Volleyball.

“Steven! Are you laughing at me?”

“M-maybe a little,” Steven admits. He pinches off one of his mittens to wipe at his face and dried tears. “Gosh, this is just like a reverse of that time you guys took me to that vacation house. It’s…wow.” He chuckles again. “I’m really glad you told me this.”

“I…” The anger deflates as quickly as it came. Pearl softens. “…yes. I could say the same to you, Steven.”

She reaches forward and cups his cheek. Steven stills under her touch. 

“Really, though. I am sorry. It was never my intention to make you feel like you weren’t important to me or that I didn’t care about this opportunity to spend time with you, when everything I feel is the exact opposite. You mean the world to me, Steven. You should know that.” 

Steven’s smile wobbles; it melts into something crooked and tender and touched. He sniffs and wipes at his face with chilled fingers before he remembers he should slip on his mitten again. “You mean the world to me, too, Pearl. Wanna go down this slope together?”

Pearl reaches into her pocket and touches her phone to her gem. With a small shimmer of light, the device disappears. 

“I’d love nothing more.”

- o - o - o -

“…then she said, ‘Whoa there, Pearl! Don’t you know? It’s Bismuth before pleasure!’ And I--” 

Steven howls.

“--I didn’t know what to say!” Pearl laughs in the middle of her words, breaking up her speech. “I had no idea what to do. I was still under the mindset that I was just a Pearl! It was so embarrassing for me; I can’t even imagine what it must have been like for her!”

Steven has to hold on to the neck of the Hummingbird so as not to let it topple forward off his lap. The strings hum under the hard pressure of his fingers. 

Pearl sighs, a nostalgic smile spread across her face. She plucks a G on Steven’s old ukulele. “Oh, but that was eons ago. I doubt she even remembers that now.”

“I don’t know, Pearl,” Steven hums once he’s finally done laughing. He leans back and props his socked feet up on the iron gate of the common room’s stone fireplace. “I still say you should talk to her. After all you’ve got to…” He dramatically strums a pleasing D. “…mind your own Bismuth, right?”

Pearl laughs and shoves his shoulder gently. “Oh-ho-ho, stop.”

Steven chuckles and rocks back. He rests his shoulder against Pearl’s side. He strums another G. “Really, though. Thanks for coming to see me, Pearl. I hope you had as much fun as I did today skiing.”

Pearl hums happily and echoes the chord. “I had a lot of fun with you today, Steven.”

Steven lifts his chin to look up at her.

When Steven starts strumming, Pearl follows along. When he opens his mouth and sings, “I don’t care if it weighs a ton,” she sings with him, “As long as you and I are here, put it there,” dipping her voice in pleasant harmony.

The hearthfire crackles at their feet, warm and strong.

- o - o - o -

If there’s a fight, I’d like to fix it I hate to see things go so wrong The darkest night, and all its mixed emotions It’s getting lighter sing along

- “Put it There” by Paul McCartney

[ingayderzim]

not to be that person who asks a googleable question but wtf is hazbin hotel bc i googled it and the only “critical” thing i could find was a typo-ridden article of someone saying it has good animation and its haters are stupid. i was able to glean what it is/what it’s about but idk about the discourse lmao

Im actually so glad u asked this. Here's the lowdown, this is my definitive answer to hazbin shit from here on out, unless new info comes about of course.

Hazbin hotel is an independent cartoon by vivziepop. Most people (that ive seen) have agreed that the pilot of the show really isnt that great but the reason it has so many fans is bc of the entertaining livestreams, massive amounts of canon content produced (she has had these characters for years), unique art style, and the characters. (Ass ugly but unique.)

Its haters are totally justified bc of some of the "controversial" (read: bad) things vivziepop has done. Here's the conclusion that my friends and classmates (several of whom are Black, one Hispanic woman, and one trans woman...nellie if ur reading this i 💜 u) and i came to after discussing this stuff. I am NOT saying "well my black/trans friend said it's ok so i dont have to think about it!" this is based on a few different conversations that my friends and i have had about this topic so what im saying is that my opinion was formed by talking about this situation with multiple people affected by the controversy.

One controversial thing is a drawing u can easily find on google (called beastiality.jpg i believe?) It's a cropped (chest and up, but hes obv naked) drawing of vivziepops character, drawn by vivziepop, moaning, with a snake around him. The character is 17. Many people have interpreted this as child porn. I dont think this image is pornographic, i think it's a stupid joke (it was even tagged as a joke iirc) and completely inappropriate but since it's 8 years old on top of not being porn, i think it's just an example of a dumb drawing. That being said, i would NEVER argue that someone who is uncomfortable w the drawing (im uncomfortable with it! It's gross just not porn) or considers it porn is wrong. They are entitled to that opinion and i would never expose them to vivziepops work or talk about her stuff around them if they expressed to me that they disliked the image.

Another thing is that she drew a doodle of two racist TERFs. This is the one where my friends of color, my friends who are black, and my friends who are trans women took the lead. I sat back for this part and here's their and my opinion on this after talking about it and verbally going through this whole situation.

She was following these women (who had done blackface and stuff) and drew art of them. The art was a "quick doodle" that she did apologize for and she said she didn't realize the extent of their beliefs. She knew they werent great but hadnt consumed much of their content in depth. I believe her bc while ive never followed anyone as bad, ive certainly followed some pieces of shit and didnt notice for months simply bc im not online all the time and bc of the volume of people i follow, combined with the non chronological algorithms lately.

At the risk of screwing myself, im going to admit that there was about a year or so of my life where i enjoyed The Amazing Atheist. I was even subbed to him. I was a nonbinary lesbian (2 things he cant stand lmaoo) in catholic school and therefore i strictly watched his videos about theological stuff since thats what was frustrating me at the time. I had no clue the type of evil racist, transphobic, homophobic (yes ik hes bi), misogynistic things he thought, said, and did, bc i didnt watch those videos. I literally only watched select theological ones that could be of use to me while edgily debating my teachers (sorry mrs macdougal but u had it coming). I was about 15 at the time and im 19 now. Im sorry to everyone i hurt by ever having supported him. I had one of his quotes written in the inside of my religion notebook in high school. I regretted it and ripped the page out the moment i discovered the truth about him. I cant stress enough how much I HATE HIM. Thats an example of what i think happened here tho.

One of my friends who is a trans woman said (paraphrasing) "i think the worst thing shes done is that terf art but i believe the apology especially bc it was a quick drawing."

That being said, i would NEVER argue with someone who wanted nothing to do w vivziepop bc of this. That's their right. 100%. I would never expose them to her work after that.

The last thing i remember is something about a pedophilic couple in a comic but i heard it was a 17 year old and a 19 year old. Im 19 and if one of my peers did that i wouldnt say pedophile but id say ur a fucking weirdo, BUT, the kids were fake and being written by an adult so i can totally see her thinking that age gap is much less of a big deal than it really is. Like she forgot what it's like at this age. Idk how true any of that part is tho, i heard that info entirely secondhand.

Another thing to do with racism is that there's a joke within the show where one character says to the other

"don't get your taco in a twist"

"Was that supposed to be racist or sexist?"

"Whichever one pisses you off more"

I thought that was gross but one of my friends pointed out that vivziepop is of el salvadorian descent so that's her business. Like if i made a lesbian joke of equal or greater offensiveness than that and someone tried to call me lesbophobic over it id be like "that's literally my territory."

Oh speaking of which that character's name is vaggie and shes a lesbian but it's not pronounced w the same G you'd hear in "vagina." Vivziepop seems to name characters weirdly (like how in helluva boss theres a guy named blitzo and the o is silent) so maybe it's a pussy joke but i have no idea.

The animation was.................better than i could do, i wanna say the faces and gestures were good but god i remember there was a part with a car and my gf had to pause so i could laugh my ass off at it. I wouldn't describe the animation as a highlight but i liked the style in motion i thought it was a fun change. Vivziepops style is not appealing imo but i appreciate it as an art student and as someone whose friends all like she ra and steven universe where every character looks the goddamn motherfucking same, and while its chaotic and i dont care for it, the style actually works way better in motion than you'd think.

A good rule that i def use is to assume hazbin fans are guilty until proven innocent. If someone says they dont care about the discourse surrounding it and like it no matter what, RUN! They would support the show even if the creator was in fact a pedophile, or had done the blackface/was a terf herself! They probably support some horrible ppl and are probably "anti antis." A lot of them are minors tho so i'd say block and move on.

So, do i like it or not? Im an art student and all my friends like it so while i didnt think it was funny, i do fuck with it. At the convention this weekend my friends and i had a convo that led to me drawing an ahego hoodie where the faces were angel dust (a character's) face. It was a joke that i could make a killing by selling that in a booth at a con.

Theres really nothing compelling about the show but my friends like it so i join in on their conversations, and i do have a soft spot for angel dust bc he's like a worse, less amazing and gorgeous version of one of my characters, Candy, the love of my life.

A lot of people say the show was edgy/offensive and maybe im just desensitized but besides the taco thing i didnt pick up on that whatsoever??? The Archer episode "Swiss Miss" is worse than helluva boss and hazbin combined and even archer isn't offensive.

Im probably not aware of all the "discourse" (aka people being reasonably uncomfortable by weird and bad shit this random woman has done, and other ppl saying their opinions are wrong when it's literally just an opinion about a show) so if anything she's done isnt included in here it's not to defend vivziepop, this is genuinely all i know. I wouldnt describe myself as a fan of hers.

[ckret2]

tumblr you need to stop deleting the question when i edit an ask:

What characters can you think of, that you like, fall under unhealthy obsessive romance?

Sit down we're gonna be here a while.

God is anyone gonna be surprised if I cite the yandere trope? Is anyone gonna cringe away if I say Gasai Yuno from Future Diary? No? We're all good? Okay.

Yandere characters are really hit or miss with me. Too often, I've seen yandere characters portrayed like their bloodlust, their willing to kidnap their beloved or kill potential romantic rivals, is working in tandem with their apparent sweet, affectionate, self-effacing devotion—rather than in contrast. Like a yandere character who's willing to draw blood is an exaggerated romantic ideal. I'm not about that. To me, a proper compelling yandere is a horror character disguised as a cute love interest.

Yuno pulls that off. Even as Yukki gets used to her and even begins to grow attracted to her, he still remains very reasonably terrified of what she might do—and his terror is validated by her actions. What really sells her for me, though, is the series's awareness of the arbitrary nature of her obsessive love. She flat-out tells Yukki, the target of her obsession, with shocking coldness and self-insight, that she doesn't love him because he's really that unique or special, but because he was there and she needed someone. When it feels like so many generic dull lead boys "win" the attentions of the cool interesting yandere for no obvious reason as a sort of wishfulfillment, Yuno's open acknowledgment of Yukki's plainness and the arbitrariness of her own affections would be a great deconstruction of common yandere tropes, if it wasn't for the fact that Yuno was basically the codifier of the modern yandere archetype.

Another character who hits all the right yandere notes is Tarantulas from the IDW Transformers comics. Mad scientist who makes wicked inventions for a high-ranked military officer who's rattled by the brutality they inflict together and terminates their professional relationship by attempting to terminate the scientist; scientist comes back from the apparent dead to kidnap the officer with the help of a gang of terrorists, blackmails him by threatening to reveal confidential information about the officer's army that could tear it apart from the inside and that the officer has gone to great lengths to keep hidden, reveals that he's invented a way to make enemy soldiers effectively invisible and untraceable, and shows off his secret lab powered by a devastatingly powerful superfuel that he's invented... and then reveal he doesn't want revenge, but for the officer to be his partner in crime again, and all these wonders will be used FOR him instead of AGAINST him. He calls the officer his "muse," and feels like he can't reach his peak scientific potential without the officer there, requesting new weapons and acting as his inspiration.

He's willing to burn down the universe if his muse wants it or burn down the universe if his muse scorns him, he kidnaps him just to beg him to be his partner, and he does all this despite the fact that the officer destroyed his life work and tried to kill him. It's fantastically messed up.

Moving away from the yandere archetype: Venom—comics Venom, from their intro through the 90s and then again once Mike Costa got hold of them—is a fantastic obsessive love story, about two people who reject everything that both of their societies defines as normal and acceptable in order to be with each other, and are incredibly tender and affectionate and mutually supportive; but like, they also validate each other's worst beliefs and tendencies in a way that lets them egg each other on into oblivious villainy, and even if "live with and for one and only one person, literally in 24/7 physical contact," is normal and psychologically healthy for the symbiote's species, it's not for a human being. Impressively, they're SO obsessively codependently in love with each other, that they each independently decide that they want to be the best possible versions of themselves for each other, and violently wrest their relationship from the jaws of toxicity in order to become an emotionally mature couple with a support system, outside friends, and the ability to communicate about their fears and insecurities, and it's a beautiful thing. It's too bad nobody's written anything with Venom since Mike Costa's run ended, but I'm sure someone will bring them back around eventually.

The knight-in-love-with-their-liege trope is one that appeals to me in theory, but in practice I basically never see it written as zealously as I'd like, so I usually have to headcanon it up myself. Pearl in Steven Universe is the only solid canon example I can think of that hits all the right notes for me.

Not strictly canon but: Drift from Transformers, who goes from grim street rat survivalist to bloodthirsty mass murderer to repentant ninja vigilante to faux-spiritual warrior with weird flashes of extreme violence while under the wing of four different mentor/leader figures, I like to interpret as a serial zealot whose repeatedly shifting morals and loyalties have nothing to do with his newest leader actually convincing him of the righteousness of their perspective, and everything to do with Drift's becoming smitten with their charisma and being willing to reinvent himself completely to conform with his new beloved leader's worldview. Drift's last writer even ship teased him pretty heavily with leader #4 (for any of y'all that don't read Transformers: not like "ship teased" in a queerbaity way, Drift eventually hooked up with a different dude), and he's shown to go out of his way to perform roles that he thinks will impress leader #4; so like, there's some canon basis to read him like that—even if my main reason is "because I want to."

I also like to slip in shades of knight-loves-leader in how I write Zim being shipped with a Tallest; the unhealthy, destructive obsession with them is definitely canon, even if the romance isn't.

"Characters that are otherwise emotionless for scifi/fantasy reasons except for ONE emotion and that emotion is love and therefore they get really obsessed with their love because it's the only thing in their void of a life, but it's not portrayed in a cutesy 'robot learns to feel' or 'demon is saved by love' way but rather in a 'this is almost as unbalanced and unhealthy as not feeling anything at all was' way" is like... a trope that I keep writing but don't think I've ever actually seen done EXACTLY like that in canon. The Nobodies in Kingdom Hearts are good for this—I've written them as having meaningless sex to try to counter the fact that they can't feel emotions, on the justification that sexual arousal is a physiological sensation rather than an actual emotion but is still close enough that they can almost feel a feeling, and end up getting extremely attached to their cooperative let's-pretend-we-can-feel sex partners. (i realize that physiology and emotions can't actually be disentangled like that but like, it's fantasy.) Axel, you can argue, latched onto Roxas in what can be (and often is) read in a romantic way, also arguably sheerly on the merit of the fact that Roxas makes him feel anything at all.

Shockwave in IDW I've also used to played around with this idea, although I haven't published the main work I've done that with. Yet.

And from what I’ve seen, it looks like the main character in Yandere Simulator is gonna have a backstory kind of like that? I’m looking forward to that game, haven’t played any of the demo versions yet but what I’ve seen from the dev’s videos looks fun.

Also: very frequently, unrequited love. Especially secret unrequited love. "Unrequited-to-requited love" doesn't fit the bill at all. It's gotta be perpetual pining. There's NO satisfaction. The longing just builds and builds eternally, until the internal pressure causes something to shatter. I can think of ships I like to imagine this way (Drift w/ any of his mentors, Starscream/Wheeljack, Hashirama/Madara, Ψiioniic/Sufferer), but off the top of my head no canon ones that reach those dizzying heights of eternally unfulfilled yearning. Sure, plenty of stories have unrequited love—but rarely the all-consumingly obsessive kind, and even more rarely is that portrayed as—oh! I got a couple canon ones, albeit more villainous/predatory ones: the Phantom in Phantom of the Opera and that dude with his mouth stitched shut in the Abarat books, I haven't read those in years. And some spins of Dracula and Mina, although it's no fun if she loves him back. You can also do this with Hades and Persephone, although for this to work it's imperative that Hades still feel like he doesn't actually "have" Persephone even if she's contractually obligated to live with him so long as she doesn't love him, and just sort of wistfully watches her from afar whenever she's in the underworld. (But to be honest I generally prefer "Persephone and Hades: Hypercompetent Goth Power Couple" to spins that lean on Persephone being an unwilling unhappy victim.)

The further I go down this list the more obscure and/or headcanony these examples are gonna get, so I think I'm gonna stop here. But feel free to send any follow-up questions if u wanna hear me ramble more about my extremely specific tastes in romance.

Shoutout to "The Maiden and the Minstrel Knight" by Blind Guardian for being a song that captures peak romanticized out-of-control love.

[mimik-u]

Flower Child, Chapter 11: Texts (II)

A/N: Happy Valentine's Day, friends! I'm so very appreciative of you guys. Slowly, but surely, we're edging to the heart of "Flower Child." (If I can stop being distracted by the inner workings of characters' minds long enough to focus on plot, we might just get there soon, lol.)

AO3

Sunday, 11:32 AM:

Blue: Oh, Steven. 

Blue: I’m so sorry to hear that

Her slender fingers hovering just above the touchscreen, Blue Diamond hit send prematurely and realized that she had forgotten to punctuate her text just seconds after she did. Of course, an unfinished sentence wasn’t the end of the world—not in this era of instant communication where proper grammar had been relegated to stuffy scholarly types (such as herself) and punctilious mothers over forty (such as herself).

But.

But.

The mistake shattered her anyway. 

Because it wasn’t about the sentence, nor was it about the grammar. It was about all of the other unfinished things that she had been intimately acquainted with over the course of her lifetime.

It was the fact that she had never finished Les Misérables in grad school, though she had written a beautiful essay on it all the same. It was unfinished diary entries and unfinished diet attempts, her unfinished career and the singularly unfinished look about her these days. In the mirror, she was a ghost’s approximation of a human, tall and smudged and broken. In the part of the world she once ruled with a sure fist, she was very well a ghost to all of the people who had once known her name.

It was her relationship with her mother that ended on the very day she started dating Yellow all those many years ago.

You should be ashamed of yourself, was paradoxically both a complete sentence and an incomplete one, drawing lines in sands and tearing her asunder at the same time.

And it was Pink Diamond—unfinished at twenty-one years old.

But then again, it was always Pink Diamond, everything about her—her high, lilting laugh and her freckled smile, the way she wrapped her thin arms around Blue’s waist and called her home.

It was that last unfinished fight that never ended in I’m sorry or I love you.

You’ll never let me grow up, will you?

And now, it was Steven Universe, the boy from the cemetery, the flower child, the first smile she had worn on her face in years.

Blue buried her long face in her hands and prayed to the God that she did not believe in anymore, that this child would not become another unfinished thing.

Sunday, 11:47 AM:

With a sigh that reached into her bones and hollowed them out for good measure, Pearl finished texting everyone who needed to be texted—all of their friends and family, and sometimes, the friends and family of their friends and family. The list of reassurances, blending into one another after awhile, went a little something like this:

Pearl: Thanks for checking in! I’ll keep you updated.

Pearl: He’s stable! Just resting now.

Pearl: Oh, sure! A casserole would be lovely. Thanks, Barb. Lapis and Peridot are house-sitting, so you can drop it off with them.

Pearl: Please don’t kill our cats. <3

Pearl: Thank you for the kind words.

And for the thoughts.

Prayers.

But not quite condolences.

(Thankfully, not condolences.)

Pearl: No, my apologies. Now wouldn’t be a great time to visit. Maybe later?

But at the same time:

Pearl: He’s fine! :)

Pearl: He’s stable!

Pearl: Don’t worry!

Pearl: He’s fine!

She was a broken turn table, all scratched up, repeating the same few lines over and over again until she forgot that there was such a thing as the rest of the song.

Stability was not a given for Steven Universe anymore, and fine was such a relative word.

He was fine yesterday, laughing and cutting up and inflating balloons on the beach.

He was fine a week ago, bruised and weary for sure, but on his own feet and independent of machines, giving flowers to random ladies in cemeteries.

And he was fine eight months ago, on the verge of becoming an eighth grader at the local middle school—and then he woke Pearl up in the middle of the night to tell her that it hurt to pee. There had been tears in his dark eyes.

Blood in the toilet.

A diagnosis three weeks later.

Pearl: Hello, I’m so sorry for the late notice, but Steven is in the hospital again. I won’t be able to make my shift tonight. 

The three dots appeared almost instantly, much to her clammy chagrin.

Her manager replied: so sorry to hear that! i’ll take you off the schedule. do you need tomorrow night off as well?

Pearl: No! In fact, I can pick up a double tomorrow. Two to closing?

Manager: great! 

Pearl needed to be with Steven, needed to hold his hand and press kisses into his forehead, needed to weather every tube and test, every hell and high water, but because life was perverse and they all had horrible health insurance, she needed the money to take care of Steven more.

Trying to ensure that someone didn’t die wasn’t cheap, they had learned fourteen years ago with Rose. But, of course, even that ample forewarning didn’t soften the blow of their current financial situation, which was… dire.

For a couple of months now, they’d been toying with selling with the beach house.

It was prime real estate, secluded on the far side of the beach as it was.

(It was home. How could they even dare?)

“You look like you’ve been kicked, Pearl.”

Pearl looked up from her phone to find Garnet staring at her from Steven’s bed, where she was still curled around their boy though he’d long been passed out from his latest puking spell. (Yogurt. He couldn’t hold down yogurt.) Her bicolored gaze had always been intense, for Garnet was an intense person, but now, it pierced through Pearl like an x-ray and found her wanting.

Her sadness was seen.

Keenly.

Summed up in seven quiet words.

“I’m working a double tomorrow,” she murmured, looking away, anywhere but those eyes where she was known. “You’ll have to call me as soon as he’s done with testing.”

Earlier, Dr. Maheswaran had told her that UNOS would require Steven to have nigh daily blood work done in order to ensure that he was still viable for a kidney transplant. More testing would also ensure that he remained relatively high on the list should a kidney ever become available.

Garnet nodded, meticulous to move only her chin so as not to disturb Steven and all of his tubing. One of his wire infested hands was curled tightly into her shirt.

“You know I will.” But then, with a wry smile hinting at her disdain for phones: “Or Greg will. Or Amethyst—if Amethyst will ever leave the room.”

It was both a joke and not a joke, a joke and a light admonition in that subtle way only Garnet could accomplish.

Shame was a hot trickle of dread in Pearl’s stomach, a pink blush across her cheeks.

“I went overboard last night, didn’t I?”

Another nod. The various machinery currently keeping Steven alive whirred around them in place of a reply.

“I hurt her feelings,” Pearl whispered as the night came rushing back to her—Steven pale and cold beneath her hands, the rage that snarled through her teeth as she locked eyes with Amethyst, who could only stand there and sob and apologize, and oh, how that had irritated her in the moment. “I said some awful things.”

The admission was a horrible creature, condemning her where she sat, twisting all her insides up until she felt like a monster.

“I should apologize,” she said, and then immediately added, “Right?”

Garnet—she could all but see herself in the other’s dual toned eyes, how her face was contorted in a desperate plea—shouldn’t I apologize? It feels like I should apologize, but I just don’t know anymore, and all of these decisions and words and empty texts are all getting to be so heavy. 

Please. 

Please tell me what to do. 

I’m so lost.

Garnet studied her in silence for a longer moment still, her expression as impenetrable as ever, until her dark brow suddenly relaxed, unfurling across her eyes in a softness that was meant to be a tiny kindness for Pearl.

“You should apologize, Pearl.”

All of the puzzle pieces suddenly clicked into place.

She should apologize.

“Okay,” she said quietly.

“And Pearl?”

“Yes, Garnet?”

“You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.”

Sunday, 12:09 PM:

Pearl: Hi, Amethyst. It’s Pearl.

Pearl: But you knew that, of course, because I’m programmed in your phone, and goodness, I’m already making a mess of this, aren’t I?

Pearl: -_-

Pearl: At any rate, I’m just texting to say… I’m sorry.

Pearl: I’m so sorry for how I acted last night, what I said to you and what I did. It was uncalled for in the highest order, which is to say that I unfairly blamed you for something that you absolutely could not control.

Pearl: Steven’s sick—really sick—and I’ve been trying to ignore that reality for as long as it’s been /our/ reality. When you opened that window last night, I presume you were trying to correct my mistakes when it comes to Steven. You tried to show him the truth, and that is such an incredibly brave thing to do.

Pearl: I’m proud of you, Amethyst, and I miss you, and I love you, and I’m sorry.

Sunlight leaned against her face, and exhaustion leaned against her entire body. Pearl closed her dark eyes in defiance of both of these heavy things and let her templed hands fall into her lap, her long fingers still curled around her phone.

“You did it,” Garnet murmured quietly from the bed.

“I did,” Pearl replied.

Oxygen hissed into Steven.

Wires measured the beat of his heart.

Pearl’s phone buzzed once and then twice.

Sunday, 12:11 PM:

Amethyst: love you p

Amethyst: b there in a minute?

A smile quivered across the thin line of Pearl’s mouth.

She was so happy, and she was so sad—all at the same time.

Sometimes, these two feelings felt like they were one in the same.

Pearl: See you then.

Sunday, 1:40 PM:

Connie: Hi, Mom, can I come visit Steven?

Priyanka: Mmm, for a little while if your dad will bring you up here. Don’t wake him up if he’s still napping, though. He has an early shift tomorrow.

Connie: Okay! :) We’re in the parking lot.

Priyanka: You’re in the WHAT now?

Connie: Well, I wanted to see Steven, and Dad wanted to check out that new wax museum between 2nd and 4th, so it worked out!

Sunday, 1:43 PM:

Priyanka: Doug.

Doug: Our daughter is a singularly persuasive human being.

Priyanka: Doug.

Doug: … Wax Fyodor Dostoevsky.

Sunday, 1:45 PM:

Priyanka: 4th floor. Truman Ward. I’ll meet you at the doors to let you in.

Connie: Thanks, Mom!

Sunday, 1:45 PM:

Steven: Hey, don’t be sorry!

Steven: It’s just a fact of my life, you know? I’m going to fight, Blue.

Steven: I promise.

Sunday, 1:54 PM:

Connie: Steven, I’m on my way up!

Steven: WOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Steven: Give me the play by play. I’m bored

Connie: Okay! First floor, passing the gift shop. 

Connie: Now boarding the elevator.

Connie: Contrary to everything “Under the Knife” has ever told me, there are no meet-cutes between superfluously handsome doctors in this dingy little vessel. :(

Steven: You watch Under the Knife too?!?!?!?!

Connie: Yes! It’s one of my favorite shows! (On the fourth floor.)

Steven: Who’s your favorite doctor?

Connie: Oh, probably Stebbins.

Steven: :o 

Steven: Stebbins is so mean, though!!

Connie: But he’s efficient! That has to count for something.

The three dots cropped up in a hilariously quick instant, but Connie was faster, shooting off a reply as her red converses squeaked to a stop at the double doors guarding Truman Ward from the rest of the floor. A plain, if abrasive, sign next to the doors instructed her to RING THE BELL FOR ENTRY, but the plexiglas windows in the center of the doors revealed that her mom was just on the other side, chatting with a nurse.

Connie lightly rapped on one of the windows with her knuckles to snag her mother’s attention. Attention promptly snagged, and with a visible sigh that could only be described as fond, her mother nodded and reached past the nurse to hit a button on the wall.

The doors spread outwards.

Connie barreled into her mom’s lab coated arms.

“Hi, Mom!”

“Hello, Connie.”

And then they quickly disentangled themselves, so they could study each other like the scientists they both were. In a sweeping glance, she could tell that her mom had had a rough night. Exhibit A: Her hair was in a ponytail. (It was never in a ponytail.) Exhibit B: She looked positively wispy with fatigue, all of the lines in her face frayed and fraying. It made sense. She’d been called out of bed a little after ten last night, and she’d just gotten off of a day shift a few hours before that.

Exhaustion was scrawled all over her like a prescription.

“I presume your father went to go ogle wax people?” Priyanka asked with a wry tilt of her head.

“Yup,” Connie replied, proffering a wry smile of her own. The nurse her mom had been talking to waved a polite goodbye to them both before heading out through the double doors.

“And I also presume that you’re not even remotely sorry for driving up here without asking my permission first, correct?” It was both a harsh question, and it was not, wrangled into something softer by the resignation in her brow.

Connie at least had the decency to feign shame.

“Something like that,” she said sheepishly, studying the floor and then her mother’s impenetrable eyes and then the floor again.

Priyanka sighed, but to her daughter’s surprise, hooked an arm around her shoulder.

“Well then, let’s go see Steven.”

The harsh overheads smiled coldly upon their heads as they began to walk. They passed a nurse’s station, a small girl whimpering on a gurney, swarming scrubs and lab coats. The air tasted like hand sanitizer, and the weight of where she was at, and why she was here, slowly began to dawn on Connie for the first time since she had conceived of this visit.

“Is it bad?” The question stumbled out of her mouth like an accident. Room 11030. Room 11031. They were getting close. Her palms were beginning to feel slippery. “I mean, is he bad?”

Her mother thought on it between Rooms 11032 and 11034, her frown deep, her grip on Connie tight.

“Yes,” she finally conceded, “but also no. He’s certainly in the most dire condition I’ve ever seen him, but I also think we might be close to securing him a kidney. He’s high on the list now. There’s no way that…” She trailed off suddenly, frayed and fraying, unable to complete what seemed like a consolation to Connie’s ears.

Her palm was carving itself into her shoulder.

Room 11037’s door was half-open, laughter and machinery spilling from the crack, an unlikely symphony, an oxymoron—just like him.

Him.

The disease.

His unwavering smile.

The machine.

Connie tilted her chin and found a confusion in her mother’s eyes that matched her own.

They were both problem solvers.

Mathematicians.

Logicians.

Scientists.

And here was a problem. Here was a boy who did not deserve what he had gotten.

And there was no easy solution in sight.

Connie leaned her head against her mother’s knuckles to show her that she knew, and her mother closed her tired eyes—just for a moment—to revel in the fact that she was known.

“You’re such a dork, Stevo,” Amethyst riffed from the other side of the door.

“Always,” Steven laughed—warm and bright, here and leaving.

Priyanka rapped smartly on the door.

Sunday, 1:54 PM:

Blue: You’re incredibly brave, Steven.

Steven: Aw, shucks. You’re flattering me!

Blue: Oh, I suppose I so.

Blue: Could I come visit you soon?

Steven: YES!!

Blue: Would tomorrow be a good time?

Steven: Yeah, I think so! I have a few tests in the morning, but my afternoon should be free. 2ish maybe?

Blue: That sounds perfect.

The living room was cavernous and lonely; sunlight streamed in from the floor to ceiling windows and contrarily had the effect of making everything it touched look all the more abandoned. The ornately embroidered sofa. The glass coffee table. Blue Diamond herself, sitting in her recliner, looking down at her phone. Her skin was so pale that it was stained blue by the light wash emitting from the screen.

So she was getting out tomorrow, it seemed.

To a place that wasn’t her doctor’s office.

Or the cemetery.

Or her doctor’s office.

Or the cemetery.

The action wouldn’t feel real to her until it happened, but the ache she felt for the boy on the other end of the line was raw and visceral, and it was so reminiscent of another time that was raw and visceral, that she began to think of it and her and that night and all of the empty time since and—

An involuntary cry escaped her.

She covered her mouth.

And closed her eyes. 

And did nothing as a single tear spilled over her knuckles and into the dark folds of her robe.

But crying itself was just as untenable as not crying—old-hat and tiring and destructive—so she got up as swiftly as she could manage with her hip, and with her cane clanking ahead of her, traced a familiar pathway across the wooden floor. Past the kitchen and into the hallway. Past Yellow’s study, where typing noises and intermittent swearing could be heard from within. Past ghosts of little ballerina feet scampering down the foyer. 

And Blue Diamond stopped at the door between the study and the master bedroom.

And she placed her hand on the knob, her shaking fingers disturbing the brass.

And she turned it, just a little, just enough to hear the door groan in compliance with her wishes.

And then she stopped.

She let go of the knob.

And slowly clanked back to the study and knocked lightly on the door. The typing on the other side stopped abruptly.

“Poppy?” Yellow asked.

“No,” Blue whispered, and that was all that was needed.

There was a soft oh of recognition and the creaking of a well-worn chair. The stumbling of feet. A handle pulled. Yellow Diamond was stark and brilliant, surprised and tender, in the golden light flooding from behind her. It was a Sunday, so she wasn’t in a three-piece suit, but her button-down shirt was meticulously ironed, the collar popped up around the sinewy muscles of her neck.

“Blue,” she said, quite unnecessarily, and she must have realized it because pink popped across her sharp cheekbones. She must have realized this, too, because she began talking and began talking fast. “Do you need something? Are you ill? Should I fetch Livia?”

It’d been a long time since Blue had intentionally sought her out.

Had come to her.

Had wanted her.

It was usually the other way around with them.

Blue slowly shook her head, her long braid swishing in time with the motion. Her right hand trembled on the head of her cane.

“I was thinking about Pink,” she said quietly, and Yellow’s instinctive rebuttal was clear in her amber eyes.

You’re always thinking about Pink.

But instead, because she was trying hard not to offend, simply whispered, “Okay.” 

It was a vulnerable word, or she was vulnerable today one; the distinction was lost in the small space between them. 

Yellow’s entire body was taut, a rubber band that had been stretched too far.

“And I was about to find myself in her room again,” Blue continued on, but then, seeing the stricken expression on her wife’s face, tilted her head to the side. “But I didn’t, Yellow… I didn’t chase her ghost today.”

If it’d been up to Yellow, the whole room would have been razed down. (Damn the logistics of destroying a room within a home.)

But because it was up to Blue, the room was a monument to their dead daughter. There were still pink sticky notes on her nightstand that reminded the twenty-one year old to study for an upcoming Calculus exam, books on the floor, clothes in the hamper.

Everything coated in a fine layer of dust.

Yellow swallowed thickly and looked away; even still, Blue could see every line in her face, the strain in them, how they convulsed against her will. 

She wanted to reach out to her.

She did not.

“Ask me what I’m going to do tomorrow, Yellow.”

This certainly caught her attention, a command from a woman who had not done much commanding as of late.

Her gaze flickered to Blue’s and stayed there, searching and lost.

“What are you doing tomorrow?”

“I’m going to visit a friend in the hospital.” She said it very simply, like it was just another part of her routine, but it wasn’t, and they both knew it.

It was momentous, and Yellow’s plump lips parted in quiet shock.

“You’re… you’re,” she struggled, the words seemingly strangled in her mouth, “you’re getting out?”

“I’m going to try to,” Blue replied evenly, and then she thought on it, clarified herself. “For him at least… his name is Steven.”

“The boy you had cakes with?”

“Yes.”

“The boy who… who made you smile,” she murmured this to herself as though she didn’t believe Blue could hear her.

But she did.

Obviously.

And it surprised her.

She studied the sharp planes of Yellow’s face and found quiet anguish, tucked in the way she pursed her lips, creased in the shadows beneath her striking eyes.

Unspoken: He made you smile. I could not.

“Yes,” Blue repeated because it was also the truth, even if it was a painful one to admit.

But to be fair, all of their truths were painful these days. Their daughter was dead, and her room was empty, and Blue Diamond half-wanted to be dead, and for four years, she had scarcely cared that she was living. And Yellow Diamond liked to pretend that none of this had scarred her in lasting ways, but there were lines in her face that had never been there before, and sometimes, just sometimes, she sat her in study and cried when she thought no one was listening. And they were approaching their twilight years, and there was no turning back. The bell was rung, and their daughter was dead, and they might never be happy again, and—

That was the truth.

Yellow closed her eyes and then unclosed them, obviously trying to master her emotions into locations that weren’t words.

“Will he… be okay?” But she was only human, despite what she'd have the common person believe, so strain leaked out into the innocuous question anyway.

“I don’t know,” Blue murmured, and this truth stung with all the others.

She could be caring for this boy only to end up shattered if he died.

And the possibility of this was not lost on Yellow Diamond. Cynical. Skeptical. Practical.

It shone in her eyes, in the firm set of her jaw.

What came next, however, was not an admonition, but a small gesture. And because it was a small gesture, and because small gestures were rare between them, it was felt: Yellow reached out, slowly, almost cautiously, and tucked a stray strand of hair behind Blue’s ear. Her lined palm lingered against her cheek for an infinitesimal second before falling into a clenched fist by her side.

“Well, at least he’s got a chance.”

Unspoken: Pink didn’t.

Blue Diamond found that she missed her wife’s touch.

The weight of it.

The warmth.

“Yes,” she concurred. “At least he has a chance.”

Sunday, 2:25 PM:

Pearl: I absolutely love her!!

Amethyst: we’re literally sitting next 2 each other lol

Pearl: Yes, but I don’t want to embarrass them… I’m just so happy that Steven has a new friend! She’s so nice and smart!

Amethyst: to b fair he’s also friends w/ an old lady in a bathrobe now

Pearl: Ugh, don’t remind me.

Amethyst looked up from her phone at the very same time that Pearl looked up from her phone, and then they studiously tried to not look at each other as they trembled in silent laughter. But because they were both assholes, they failed at this monumentally simple task, and locked eyes just long enough to break them both.

“Stop,” Pearl moaned, clutching her stomach in a feeble attempt of getting herself back under control.

“You first,” Amethyst shot back, laughing too hard to punctuate the threat with a shit-eating grin.

The entire room turned to look at them. Dr. M drew herself away from her chart long enough to raise an eyebrow. Garnet and Greg stared, one quite subtly and one quite openly. On the bed, Steven and Connie extracted themselves from the book they were reading.

“Whatcha laughing about?” Steven asked cutely. He tilted his head with a conspiratorial smile, and his entire oxygen getup slid sideways with him. 

“Nothing,” Pearl said.

“Cats,” Amethyst said at the very same time.

And they dissolved all over again.

Pearl placed a steadying hand on Amethyst’s shoulder, and Amethyst leaned into the touch as their bodies shook with laughter.

Nothing was right with their world, but just for a moment, they pretended like it could be.

Priyanka Maheswaran’s frown deepened the longer she stared at her clipboard.

And it positively turned into a scowl when she read Steven’s heart monitor.

Sunday, 3:18 PM:

Steven: Thanks for coming to visit me today!

Connie: Of course! I had so much fun meeting everyone!

Steven: They liked meeting you too!!!

Connie: Score!!!

Weariness was like a second skin on her mother as they walked down Truman Ward again. She said nothing, only deigning to nod at various colleagues who greeted her as they walked by. 

Connie wanted to talk about Steven, wanted to talk about Garnet, Amethyst, and especially Pearl, whom she had a lot in common with—but she bit her lip against a torrent of questions and studied the way her shoes scraped against the clinically clean floor instead.

Because she knew.

She’d seen the way Steven’s whole body was manifested with tubes and the bags under his guardians’ eyes and the fear in his eyes that he tried so hard to hide with a smile.

When they had first arrived, she had hugged him as tenderly as his machinery would allow and asked him if he was okay.

And he only shook his head and laughed like he was.

Because he knew.

And she knew.

And everyone in that room knew.

(He was dying. It was happening fast.)

As they exited the double doors, Connie reached up and tentatively took her mother’s hand.

Her mother did not let go in response.

[the-mystical-blog-of-evelyn-rose]

     Hey hey hey I am taking a break from alll this Members of Master Court for a hot minute to present this. I had this really cute idea of making like flower children things? Something in the vein of Strawberry Shortcake or My Little Pony with a bunch of characters based on a certain concept this one being plants. While here I explicitly focused on flowers in this sketch but I hope that I could expand the universe into fruits, herbs, weeds, gymnosperms, etc. I think this could have a lot of potential. I also want to note there would be more males than Lilium Humboldtii here, one of my issues with things like Strawberry Shortcake and the like is there's a lot of "tokens". The token boy/girl, token "insert racial minority", token sexuality gender minority, what have you. So even though they may have good, even excellent characterization, I definitely think it's important to push more  diversity. Even if you are against "forced diversity" at they very least I think we should at least see it as boring and lazy writing and character design. Furthermore, often when there is any difference there is a risk that said characters become stereotypical and/or their diversity becomes their personality; i.e. They're a lesbian so they're all about being tough,butch, being feminist, and loving girls. Not to say there aren't lesbians like that, but it sucks often they are only seen as that and there isn't any else dimension to them. But enough of crappy diversity talk. So here I drew characters based on the Humboldt Lilly, Standard Sunflower, and Stand Lilac. Here are a few trivial cute things I thought for them: Humboldt Lily I chose this Lily because I wanted to do something past your standard Easter or Tiger Lilies. Moreover, the Humboldt Lily has such a unique shape to it that inspired his shorts. I'm actually a little iffy on the shorts because they kind of scream tiger to me, but ehhh. His hair was also inspired directly by the petals, as was the decision to give him freckles. Since this lily is said to grow in the Western United States and Mexico I decided to give them a hikers' outfit because that's common there. It's also recorded to be at 6' so I made him a tall boi. (all characters here are tall here) I kind of imagine this character liking to go outside obviously, but sees it as a nerdy venture; like, he wants to explore but not for exercising or being challenged, but to geek out over discoveries and History. Very a la tour guide esc, which may be his job in a town or something. Also I really like his hair ;w; I don't really have a name for any of these bois, I wasn't sure if I just want to name him after their flower like in Strawberry Shortcake or Steven Universe, or give them names similar, or not even bother. I thought naming him Leroy, but him going by "Lee" then his last name being "Von Humboldt" because of the explorer whom the flower is named for. Feel free to leave name suggestions below Sunflower Hey Hey insert joke on the Post Malone Song. I decided to make her like a farmer, because like Sunflowers are farmed in these magical like fields. Sunflowers are also native to the Southwestern United States, so I wanted to get both that Southern western tough babe energy but with a Californian Sunkist look. I low key wanted to make her a math nerd because Sunflowers are known for their perfect ratio of florets, or maybe an art nerd because of how often sunflowers have been used as focus for a lot of art and political movements. I just decided to go with how the sunflower is used in cultivation, that being farming and seeds and all that. Perhaps she could have an artsy sister or cousin where she doesn't get her but they learn they have to respect that while they may never fully get the other's passion or understanding it, they can still respect it. She is supposed to be like 6'4 because the actual sunflower plant on average is like 9' so she would be a real beefy boi, though I kind wished I made her more lank, but I'm not too torn up on it. I also made her bands all fluffy like sunflower petals uwu. My name idea for her was Sunnivia Vincent,, then her nickname would be "Sunny" eh? The last name is a reference to a certain artist who is famous for his sunflower still lifes among other things. I sort of want to put a dumb joke in about the latin name sounding like "anus" bit whatever. Also she gets a badass floppy sunhat that I am in love with. Lilac So first, though she's hunching in this lilac is supposed to be 6'6 cause Lilac is a tree which a lot of people don't know. I also like the idea of a bunch of 7' Red wood tree kids walking around while there are also like 4'10 moss or something. Lilac's look is inspired by ancient greek obviously because Lilac itself is native to the Balkan Peninsula. I couldn't tell you why I made her look shy. I did intentionally make her all done up with hair and makeup because I feel maybe trees are typically higher in society or something. Or maybe the trees typically stay in the cities and run politics like forests? I don't know honestly. She is wearing purple which is the color of royalty. Maybe I could go with how I did with Sunflower, in that Lilacs are often used for their oils and scent so maybe she could be a healer or like cleric. I also gave her olive skin not just because of the Balkan Peninsula,,, but because Lilacs are also apart of the Olive family. In terms of her name I think the obvious one is Lila, but I want to hear more suggestions. Maybe a Greek Name? That's all for now! I defiantly want to explore this topic more, I've already made sketches of cities. I think it is very fitting that I thought of this in June given it is Pride Month which is all about embracing and accepting LGBTQIA individuals. Again I highly urge you to leave your comments on this idea, names, or maybe even your own head canons! I'm sorry about any of the coloring and anatomical issues in this, they're only meant to be sketches and also I need to get better at drawing hats. Thank you for reading through my crap// 

[tessmontyart]

2018 Year In Review

Another year, another review 💕(I actually typed most of this up before 2019 and then got distracted, whoops)

To put things short, 2018 has been AWESOME :D Exhausting and fast, but awesome.

I started it off pretty uncertain how things were going to go, dreading it would be a repeat of 2017′s boring TAFE courses and endless job rejections. But the miracle happened - a 2D animation studio opened up near me, I applied, did an animation test and got the job!

The job was a contract from 1st of April - 21st of December, so I spent the majority of my year going to work to animate characters for a really crazy but hilarious new kids show called Spongo Fuzz and Jalapena, due to air mid 2019 :) 

It was honestly the most fun job I have ever had and I can’t wait for the next project! 🎉 I have never been this exhausted in my life, though. 😅I had already booked a whole bunch of conventions before I got the job, and didn’t want to cancel them so I was working nonstop - Animation during the day and intensive convention prep every night. 

I also had the bright idea of creating a full colour 26 page comic -with a tight deadline - so I was madly working to the point I didn’t even have time for dinner half the time :’) I am sort of happy with the comic, but also kind of wish I never had the idea in the first place. 😅

I tabled at a ton of conventions; Melbourne Supanova, Central Coast ComiCon, Other Worlds Zine Fair, Sydney Supanova, SMASH and Canberra Gamma Con. If next year doesn’t go so well on the job side of things I’m hoping to add a few more conventions to that list - Brisbane Supanova, Oz Comic Con and Animaga to name a few. I’ve already booked Sydney Madman Anime Festival!

2018 was the year my partner and I celebrated our 4th year together, and he never fails to amaze me with his continuous love and support. I was too sick to attend the first day of SMASH, so he set up and ran the whole stall for me while I stayed at home. Same with Sydney Supanova, I was too bogged down in animation work and couldn’t afford to take the Friday off, so he set up and ran the stall for me on Friday, then we ran the stall together on the weekend. He also tended to my every need when I broke my toe, cooked all my meals when I was busy with work and even packaged + posted all my Etsy orders every day because I was always working during post office hours. He listened to all the problems I was having with my stall setup and helped make shelves and decorations to make it look and function better. I was getting stressed because my desk space was too small, BAM he bought me a brand new desk with plenty of storage. I was getting stressed that I had so much on my convention to-do-list and couldn’t keep track of all my project ideas, BAM, he sets up a whiteboard and helps me brainstorm everything so I can keep track of all my thoughts and ideas and what to prioritise for future conventions. I didn’t even ask him to do any of this, he just loves to help me and make me happy and I am forever blissed and happy to be able to spend my life with such a wonderful human! 

(Home made High Tea I made for him on Valentines Day) 

Arsty Highlilghts / accomplishments:

🌸I designed 9 cute Houseki no Kuni acrylic charms which have been doing really well at conventions!

🌸I also drew a cute series of ‘Sleepy Gem’ Houseki no Kuni / Steven Universe holographic prints, which I’m quite proud of 😊

🌸I created my 2nd enamel pin design, which already needed 2 reorders because they were so popular! ;w; I never knew I could make something that so many people love *sob* I’ve already planned to make these into a series! (already designed some deer ones, and thinking of doing foxes next ^_^ )

🌸I also tried getting gold foil prints done for the first time, which was pretty cool! I got the american sizes mixed up though so I might try for the bigger size next time :) (grainy photo cause its a screenshot from a video)

🌸I’ve been taking steps to make my stall look more ‘professional’, and got a really neat wooden sign made for me by my friend as_sweet_as_jasmine!

🌸I’ve started revamping my favourite series of posters - the Eevee Gijinka girls :) I plan to have them all done and ready for 2019s conventions! 

🌸This was the year I got an iPad, so I could do digital art on-the-go. Honestly its helped me so much, and I can’t wait to be able to use it more (sorta didn’t get a chance to touch it while i was working!)

🌸I got Copic Markers for my birthday so I had a whole new medium to play with! These mixed with using a brush pen for inking really make my inktobers pop and I’m eager to draw more with them  :) 

🌸Speaking of Inktober, it was a huge accomplishment for me to put effort into a decent artwork every day this year! Usually theres a few dud ones when I lacked inspiration, but I somehow managed to make it work ;w; So when it came time to printing the books, theres 31 illustrations rather than 25 like the others :) Also the whole rainbow theme idea came from how cool I think it would look flipping through a rainbow book - so I managed to make that happen and couldn’t be happier!

🌸I passed 1000 sales on Etsy!! 😱As well as 1000 followers on instagram! Crazy right??

General 2018 highlights

🌸2018 was the year one of my best friends got married! I made cute little clay wedding cake toppers for her :)

🌸The year Owl City’s 7th album Cinematic came out!! All the tracks are so GOOD and exactly the sound all us hootowls were longing for. Also Be Brave is a tearjerker, in a good way. What an amazing human Abbey is to Adam <3 

🌸The year Spyro Reignited Trilogy came out!! It’s absolutely amazing, and I love every second of it. Every time I play it I just can’t help but stand there looking around at every detail because everything is just so gorgeous *_* And the nostalgia is so real.

🌸Not exactly a highlight but the year Tumblr went NSFW free, and lost hundreds of thousands of users 😂I’m still here though. Got a dumb tradition to keep up ya know.

🌸The year my work had a hilarious Christmas party where we had to dress up as a character from Spongo Fuzz and Jalapena. It was the first time I actually put effort into a cosplay by myself 😂(possibly the last) (wont put a photo up for embarrassing reasons)

🌸the year I broke my toe for the first time xD;; definitely not a highlight but a first! I couldn’t walk for weeks! it sucked!!! T__T

🌸The year my friend successfully funded his kickstarter for his own cartoon ‘Nurry Brothers Adventure World’ :D So proud of him. I’m gonna help him animate!

🌸The year Lano and Woodley reunited with their amazing show ‘Fly’!! I loved it so much I saw it twice :D 

🌸The year I tried doing Halloween for the first time - I bought a bunch of lollies and chocolates and decorations on my letterbox/door to let people know I was participating. I got 2 different groups of people at the door, 5 people all up 😂More than I expected tbh!

🌸I tried Ruby chocolate for the first time! It was ok .. just kinda tasted like berry yoghurt flavoured white chocolate though ;w; 

SO! What’s coming for 2019?

I’m not really sure at the moment, but I have high hopes for Cheeky Little Studios (the animation company I worked for) - so I guess I’ll just have to wait and see if any of their next projects get concrete start dates :) I’m not as terrified of the year as I usually am when its just one big question mark. I know I can make decent money through conventions and commissions in the meant time so I’ll just continue doing what I love! 

LAST YEAR I SAID:

“I am crossing my fingers for an animation job I applied for a while ago” - I GOT IT! :D

“I plan to do even more conventions. Hopefully I can get into Oz Comic Con!" - didn’t end up applying because I was busy with the job, but keen to try for 2019 :)

"I’m keen to apply for like Animaga in Melbourne, as well as Madman Anime Fest in Brisbane and Melbourne.” - didn’t end up doing so for the same reason above, but that might change this year :)

“I also want to make a lot more non-fandom things for market stalls, as well as a comic and zines!” - I made the comic, as well as 3 inktober zines and a cute ‘if I fits I sits’ cat zine! As well as a bunch of cute original enamel pin ideas and my whole inktober was original art :D 

“Hopefully I’ll hit 1k followers on fb/ig? :D that will make me feel important lol” - I hit 1k on instagram!! I felt very important xD

“I’m also hoping to go on a holiday this year." - I didn’t, for job reasons ... buuut I’m booked in for a cruise in Italy / Greece this September that I’m extremely excited for!

“PLEASE BE KIND 2018, I’M BEGGING YOU 😱” - You were very very kind to me, 2018. 2019, please follow suit! 

(man this is the 7th year of review I’ve done. Can’t believe I’ve been on tumblr this long 😅)

[2017] [2016] [2015] [2014] [2013] [2012]

[spoopybruh]

If you’re still taking prompts, maybe Andrew being super bummed out and moody after Steven moves to NYC and Adam points this out. and Andrew does some reflecting and then realizes he’s in love with steven and flies to see him. it can have angst the fluffier and happier the ending the better. I just need some fluff i’ve seen too much angst recently:(. tysm I LOVE your writing

[ I am! Thank you for the compliment, I’m glad to hear that you do! That’s most encouraging. Here’s angst w a happy ending for you! May I also suggest you listen to this song while you read? c: ]

Twenty seven Worth It videosin, Andrew receives a quiet but firm tap against the desk space next to hislaptop and glances upwards to acknowledge the appearance of a familiar friend.With a degree of reluctance, he pauses the current video he was on and removeshis ear-buds right as Adam makes himself comfortable in Steven's seat anunoccupied office chair next to him."Hey."Now that his attention is mainly focused on his friend and colleague, it'simpossible for Andrew not to have missed the fleeting yet pointed glance Adamoffers to the display on his screen. While he hadn't verbally brought thingsup, it's enough to have Andrew feeling defensive enough to fully shut the coverof his laptop down in an audible click. 

"Just uh-" An abortive shrug of his shoulder was made. "Doingsome research." He knows it's as flimsy of an excuse as they come- doesn't mean he still won'tmake an attempt to navigate out of an undoubtedly awkward situation.Unfortunately enough, Adam's nowhere as new of a friend to let him off thateasily.

"By watching oldvideos?"  There's no hesitation inthe dry disbelief of Adam's delivery when he responds to his truthfullypathetic attempt of an excuse and Andrew has to fight back the urge to wincebecause damn, talk about leaving no wiggle room. Then again, Adam isn't theonly stubborn one in this situation. Not...situation but it very well is fast becoming one.

"Yeah. You don'tknow what we could have missed. Could work it into our contingency plans orsomething."

Andrew's repeatattempt draws a longsuffering sigh from his companion and he allows himself aspan of a few seconds to feel a reflexive stab of guilt before rectifying thatwith a reminder that Adam didtechnically start this, therefore he has no grounds to be making Andrew feelbad.

"Andrew-"Okay now he really feels bad forbeing the cause of that much exasperation. "It's been months." There's only so many repeats of the same videosone can watch without being suspected of feeling some type of way. Adam doesn'tvocalise that but the implications were clear. Knowing that they were leaves asour taste in Andrew's mouth that worsens when Adam's frustrations faded intosomething softer. Something that resembled sympathy mingled with pain. "You can't keep living like this."

The intake of breathhe draws into his lungs is shaky to say the least. Done out of necessity tosteady himself from the hollow ache that settles against his chest with anoppressive weight. "I know, Adam. I just-" Another deep inhale. Keep it together.There's no reason he should be feeling like this. He has no right. It wasn'this decision to make and it still isn't. Thinking otherwise would have beenselfish.

I miss him.

"I guess I just needmore time. It won't...I won't always be like this, I promise. I just...needmore time."

It's ridiculous. Heknows it is. Steven's not dead. Theystill talk all the time and if he wanted to, he could always see what Steven isup to by following his social media updates. He's not dead. He's just...gone. He's just not here and the factthat his absence in proximity could upset the balance of peace Andrew feels isridiculous. It shouldn't be the case, except it is. Even if it made no damn sense.

There were times whereAndrew momentarily resents Steven for that. For somehow making him care. Forbeing able to affect him this drastically. For leaving everything and everyonebehind that easily, like they meant nothing to him. Like he meant nothing to him. And that's fucked up because he shouldn'tbe feeling this way. A change in environment and resources meant thepossibility of accomplishing more. Steven has plans for his future and Andrewhas no place holding him back from fulfilling his goals.

"Andrew." Ohwow a second Adam-trademark sigh. They're really on a roll today.  Adam's fingers dug in slightly when he sets ahand on his shoulder and squeezes. Perhaps it's due to the fact that he'saccustomed to handling heavy filming equipment, so his grip gets a little toostrong at times. But Andrew finds the pressure steadying. Like an anchor,securing him so he has no danger of drifting off. Drifting away. Not like-

"This isn't aproblem that can be fixed with time. You're not helping anyone by letting itfester." His friend is undeterred in his chiding but no less gentledespite his insistence. "Whatever this is. It has to stop. It's nothealthy."

" I've tried. Nothing's working."

He resists the urge toscrub at his own face. Exhaustion weighs heavy against his temples, leaningagainst the slopes of his shoulders.

"Steven's myfriend too, you know." Hearing his name spoken aloud is clarity at itscoldest. Adam waits for him to make eye contact again before he continues."You're not the only one who has to deal with having a close friend leave-I did as well. And right now, I feel like I'm losing another even though he'ssitting next to me every day."  

Despite his usual eloquence, Andrew finds thatthe lump forming against the back of his throat severely dampens his ability toform a sentence. Regardless, there's nothing he could have said to deny thestark truth of Adam's statement. Steven isn't just Andrew's friend. Everyonemisses him too. And in the time Andrew had spent moping in the face of hisdeparture for New York, he's kind of neglected to see that they were all copingwith his absence too. God, what a shitty friend he'd been. "....Adam, I'm sorry."

"I know, I'msorry too. I waited because I thought it'd get easier to deal with but you'vejust been getting worse. I've never seen you get this bad. Not since-"Adam breaks the rest of his sentence off with a decisive shake of his head. Tohis credit, he barely falters when he continued on. "This has to stop,Andrew. You need to stop pretending that nothing's wrong. You have to dosomething about it."

The backs of his eyesstung when Andrew closes them and wills his voice not to waver.

"I don't knowwhat to do."

Sheer vulnerability inhis admission has him speaking in a hushed tone, twisting his fingers to focuson anything else but the pain. "Besides, it's not like I can just show upunannounced-" "You can."

The conviction inAdam's tone has the rest of his words vacating the premises in an instant andit's all Andrew could do but stare at him in bewilderment. He can't reallyexpect Andrew to just drop everything and step out just to fly all the way toNew York and confront Steven- what the fuck was he even supposed to say? 'Hey sorryfor dropping in so suddenly but you leaving us all behind really hurt myfeelings.' Yeah that would go well.

"You can." Adam repeats once again."I've checked. HQ in New York's currently looking to liaise with someonein our offices for a cross-collaboration so you can go as long as youparticipate in it and facilitate the whole set up. Just think about it,okay?"

As quickly as he'dmade his entrance, Adam disappears after offering Andrew two more meaningfulpats on the shoulder and leaves him reeling in an effort to process theinformation he'd just been offered. Against better judgment, Andrew does end upthinking about it. More specifically, it creeps up on him the moment he stopsbeing able to find other matters to focus on. With a simple yet succinctresponse, Adam has successfully managed to rip off the metaphorical 'Do NotCross' tape he'd painstakingly placed up in the corners of his mind.

Case in point: Stevenis working from their offices in New York rather than here with them and Andrewis upset about it. That's to be expected. Anyone who's developed a friendshipwith Steven would naturally feel upset about watching him go. What the problemhere is that he's been consistently low ever since he'd made the transfer. Hemisses him all the time. Misses beingable to see his face when Andrew successfully sneaks in a pun. Misses beingable to poke and prod at his sides when work is particularly slow. Misses thefamiliar cadence of Steven's voice when he whines his name with mockexasperation.

It's an acute feelingof loss. No longer being surrounded by Steven with his steven-esque things allover the desk. Not having to play wrestle him because he keeps stealing andstretching out Andrew's jackets instead of using his own. Missing the littlethings that have come to mean something to Andrew. Sure they still talk asoften as possible through ,their group chats or arranging times to make calls.Steven sends him memes and images all the time. He saves them all. Butit's not the same as having Steven actually beside him. And how long would thatlast? Sooner or later, Steven is going to meet new people. He's going to makenew friends, be swept up with different projects and before he knows it, thetimes in which they'll be able to contact each other would dwindle. Thebeautiful and cruel thing about Life is that it goes on. It'll always go on andAndrew would be here. Stuck in the moment like he usually is.

Sooner or later, he'sgoing to have to let Steven go.

And- oh.

"Oh my god."This time the tears really do fall. "I'm in love with Steven Lim."

A week later, heboards his flight to New York with his heart in his throat and conviction onhis mind. Past Andrew might have been tempted to decide it's a stupid idea,turn back and die with regret weighing like a perpetual sheet of ice againsthis innards. Current Andrew has decided that he owes it to himself, and Adam,to at least give it a try.

Hours later, Andrew'sin the midst of a rooftop party hosted at their headquarters there. Under thecover of flashing lights, an excitable crowd dancing and mingling about, it'seasy for Andrew to slip in the background unnoticed. With practised ease, heweaves through the throng of colleagues both new and old, careful not to spillthe drink he's clutching onto for a sense of security. Before long, hissweeping gaze lands on Steven.

Even among a crowdwhose liveliness easily matched his, there's something about Steven that standsout. He's bobbing along to the beat in what Andrew recognises as one of hisgoofy moves, laughing along with the others and he steps forward before he'sable to overthink the awkwardness of his actions or how this is still a stupid fucking idea.

Andrew gets aboutthree quarters of the way there before Steven catches sight of him andimmediately does a double take so quick, he wonders if it gave him whiplash.But Andrew doesn't get much time to think after that because the gaping wideeyed expression on Steven's face soon morphs into jubilance and Steven'sbreaking out into a sprint towards him. A couple of hurried 'Sorry's later, hefinds the air knocked out of him as his companion straight up barrels into him,sending the both of them stumbling for a few paces before they're able to catchtheir balance. Andrew's lifted off the ground with how full bodied Steven'sembrace was and under normal circumstances, he would have been self consciousenough to protest about causing a commotion in public.

But this is by nomeans a normal situation so instead of complaining, he secures his own armsaround Steven's shoulders, presses his face against the crook of his neck andsqueezes back. The familiarity of the shampoo and laundry detergent Steven useswashes over him like a warm breeze on a cold evening and he has to resist theurge to shudder before pulling him even closer- if that was even possible. Steven'swarmth is steadying. The lankiness of his body securing Andrew against him isfamiliar and he's never been extremely emotional but for the span of a fewseconds, he swears he could start crying again because even after all this timein New York, Steven still feels like home.

All too soon, the hugends but Andrew couldn't bring himself to protest since Steven's still holdingonto him by his shoulders and offering him his full attention. Being on thereceiving end of such a bright welcoming grin is like basking in the warm raysof the sun on a lazy afternoon and Andrew intends to keep it with him as longas he could.

"Holy shit! Ithought I was seeing things, oh my god! Andrew?!!! What're you doinghere?"

Already, Steven'schattering with enthusiasm, squeezing at his biceps while he beams from ear toear. He makes to draw Andrew into the crowd, holding on to his wrist in a lighttug, probably to introduce him to people. And he can't begrudge the confusionthat settled soon after when he's prevented from doing so by way of Andrewtugging him back.

"Later." Hemouths at Steven through the heavy thrumming of bass and music, motioning withhis head. "Can we-?"

Comprehension dawns onhis companion soon enough because he's nodding back in confirmation andflashing him yet another grin. This time, Steven switches direction and Andrewfollows. Together, they make their way through the crowd, dodging theoccasional errant elbow and shuffling feet as best as they were able. Stevenleads him away from the party, pushing the doors open so that they would be mostlyseparated from the commotion.

"So what'sup?"

Ever the directperson, he wastes no time in sinking down on one of the sofas available,patting at the other end in an invitation to sit. Eyes, as lively as they weresharp, focused on Andrew in a bid to study his reactions and he has to remindhimself to breathe now that he's able to fully take in the sight of Stevenwithout all the distracting strobe lights around.

When Andrew doesn'timmediately answer the question, concern starts to seep into Steven'sdemeanour.

"....Iseverything okay?" Concern is soon to be replaced with alarm as Stevenstiffens. "Are you okay? Is everyone okay?"

"No, no.Everything's fine." For once since the whole duration of being in NewYork, Andrew finds familiar ground, waving Steven's concerns away before theother could worry himself into panic. "It's just...."

No turning back now. Fingerscurled into fists before relaxing repeatedly as Andrew fought to keep hisnerves in check. Distantly, he wonders if the loud beating in his ears is aside effect from the music, or if it's his heart currently trying to vacate hischest because it sure as hell  isstarting to seem more like the latter.

"Look, Steven. Iknow this is a really dumb idea and I know that it's stupid but hear meout."

There was so much tounpack. So much left unsaid that he could have brought up: 'I missed you. Weall did' for one. 'I told you I was happy for you but I really didn't want youto go' for another. What came out of his lips in a hurried breathless mannerwas "I love you."

Like water from abroken dam, it spills from him without restraint.

"I'm in love with you. Have been for a long time.And I know now isn't a good time for me to be telling you this. Especially whenyou have your own things to do here and you're just settling in with your newlife. But...I think about how years or even months from now.....how things maychange for better or for worse and I just...the thought of you moving on fromm- from us, the thought about having to one day let you go completely...itterrifies me. So-" Admittedly, he's not the best at heartfelt speechesbecause he breaks off to wring his hands. "So this is me letting you knowthat you're important to me. And that I love you. I don't expect anything inreturn from you and I'm alright with continuing to be friends. Just pleasedon't cut me off."

He'd be able to handlemost of anything but that. Though he'd spent so long waiting to see Stevenagain, it's suddenly very hard to meet his eyes. In the quietude of the officespace, it's almost quiet enough to hear the words of the remixes that werecurrently being played through the doors. Andrew doesn't regret getting hiswords out even if they weren't rehearsed and he's reeling them off from the topof his head. He doesn't regret the fact that he's just virtually spilledeverything he'd been holding in out.

What's probably theworst thing out of this is that Steven has gone completely still. And with eachpassing second of his silence, Andrew has the mounting urge to apologise and sinkdown into concrete floors. After an eternity, he swallows his shame and chancesa glance up.

Only to see an openlygaping Steven whose pink cheeks were rapidly gaining colour. When Stevenfinally speaks, he emits an undignified squeak that has Andrew fighting off theurge to laugh. His voice cracks when he thumps the front of his chest and triesagain.

"You...soyou...you booked a flight, took it all the way here, came to HQ, all just totell me that?" Okay screw that, there goes the urge to laugh. Andrew released an embarrassedhuff instead. "I told you it was ridiculous." Unlike the higher pitch in Steven'sreply, he murmurs in a tone so quiet, Steven has to tilt his head to the sideto hear it. "But that was the plan, yes."

"Andrew....that'slike...something straight out of a rom-com movie."

"You know me, I'mfull of surprises."

Snickering filled theair briefly in the face of Andrew's dry remark. There is a bright glimmer inSteven's eyes when he worries at his own bottom lip and reaches out. Longerfingers skated across the outlines of his knuckles when Steven rests both hishands atop of Andrew's, easily covering them with his palms. If Andrew's hearthad been hammering then, it sure as hell doesn't plan on stopping anytime soonwith Steven's next words.

"Can I kissyou?"

Not fully trustinghimself with words, he substitutes a verbal response with a nod instead,leaning in. Much like before, Steven meets him in the middle, shifting closerso that he could press their lips together experimentally in a chaste kiss.It's not perfect by any means- Steven's lips are chapped, the tips of theirnoses bumped together and it took a lot of adjusting angles to accommodate eachother before they find an agreeable arrangement. But it was real. It was good.Better than good. Whatever word that conveys 'yes' because Andrew's a littletoo preoccupied to be able to give a term to it.

They break the kissand Steven shivers before he leans in once more. Then they're kissing again.And again. It gets a little easier to lose himself in each kiss. In the waySteven rubs at his cheeks with his thumbs when he cups his face and catches hisbottom lip with his teeth. In the noises of delight he makes each time Andrewdoes something he finds particularly enjoyable. In the feather light tickles ofSteven's lashes brushing against him briefly each time they shift. Andrewdrinks it all in. He kisses him like it's the first and last time he'll ever beable to do so. Vows to bottle this moment in his memory. Memorise the littledips and divots of Steven's lips fitted against his. Memorises the way Stevenexhales a sigh of heady relief when they break for air.

"That was farbetter than I imagined it to be."

"Than youimagined it to be? Steven you-"

Andrew's thrown offbalance both figuratively and literally as Steven snorts and pinches at the tipof his nose. Steven's cheeks were still pink when he answers the unspokenquestion.

"I love you too,duh. Like- a lot."

It takes Andrew awhole five minutes to regain coherency in his brain functions after that. In thatspan of time, Steven's taken him by the hand, led him towards the exit andstopped to kiss him again.

[love-takes-work]

Steven Universe Podcast: Volume 2, Episode 5: Connie

In the second season of the Steven Universe Podcast, episode 5, released February 22, 2018, is about Connie! The official description:

We're spotlighting Steven Universe's best-friend, Connie, on the Steven Universe Podcast! Grace Rolek, who voices Connie, and Zach Callison, the voice of Steven, talk about their characters' friendship, and recent struggles on the series. And creator Rebecca Sugar and former EP Ian Jones-Quartey explain Connie's sword, her relationship with the Gems, and the yin & yang that dictate Connie and Steven's respective designs and personalities. Plus, Connie drops in to talk about school, Stevonnie, and her fabulous new haircut!

As per usual, the podcast is on the long side, so I'll open with bulleted highlights and include a more detailed narrative under the cut.

Highlights:

Connie has been planned as a character since the beginning; drawings of her are included in Rebecca's original sketchbook.

Connie is designed as a foil for Steven, with each of them possessing traits the other lacks so they can fit together smoothly.

Associating Rose's sword with Connie early on was a deliberate decision; they always wanted her to be the sword of the relationship, complement to Steven's shield.

The Gems treat Connie better than any other human and respect her as a member of the team.

The Gems talk to Connie's parents outside what we see on the show; they've been communicating with the Maheswarans a lot more since Connie decided to be upfront with them about her involvement with Steven.

The Cool Kids are partially based on Rebecca's college experiences when she joined a band. She was pseudonymously known as Rebecca Murder.

Lapis and Peridot making art in the barn was based on Rebecca's band member friends using a barn for their art.

Nanefua as Dewey's opponent was planned very early too. They always made sure to include her as a critical voice in the crowd when the town was gathering to react to his speeches.

The boardie character who's designed to look like Ian Jones-Quartey was originally going to be a pizza merchant named Everett, but they went from having a Pizza Man based on him to having a Pizza Family based on Ian's family. 

There was also a boardie named Baby originally, and some ideas associated with him got rolled into Fryman family characters, especially Ronaldo.

Ian Jones-Quartey says if you are a fan of Steven Universe and you haven't read the book Keep Beach City Weird, you're doing yourself a disservice.

Grace Rolek and Zach Callison both felt that the Connie/Steven angst from "Dewey Wins" to "Kevin Party" carried an authentic sense of what it's like to have relationship drama. Both invoked their own breakups which were reminiscent of some aspects of those interactions.

Grace and Zach are pleased to be past their "teenage angst" phase now that they're both twenty. They’re glad to have just regular angst now.

Grace thinks Connie cut her hair to help move past the need to define herself entirely through her relationship with Steven; she needed a change and some definition as her own person.

Grace, in character as Connie, says her favorite subject in school is science so she might study gems when she grows up, she'd love to go on another adventure with the Crystal Temps as long as she doesn't have to imitate Steven, and being in a Fusion is weird but awesome--and she'd be Stevonnie's left arm because she's left-handed.

Next week: Lapis!

The detailed summary, including Rebecca and Ian discussing Connie’s characteristics and character design; discussions of early boardie character concepts; Grace and Zach discussing Connie's relationship with Steven and recent developments; and fan questions answered in character . . .

Read it all below!

Rebecca Sugar and Ian Jones-Quartey:

McKenzie begins by presenting a discussion of Connie and the humans of Beach City, also known as the boardies. Ian opens with a complaint that the term "boardies" doesn't seem to be catching on with fans even though they've been termed that in the show. He doesn't know why some fans like to call them "townies."

McKenzie asks how early Connie was conceived for the show, and both guests say she has been part of the show since the beginning. When McKenzie asks whether Connie was always intended to eventually join Steven's battles as a participant, Ian says they had always intended a group of humans to have various relationships with the Gems--either on the outskirts as background characters, as interested parties, or as participants in their activities. These ideas for different characters were distilled into one in many cases, and Connie absorbed a bunch of their intentions for heavily involved human characters.

Rebecca says Connie's character design was intentionally a complement to Steven's, right down to their faces fitting together like puzzle pieces. Connie is reasonable and down to earth, while Steven is whimsical and magical, with both of them being attracted to what the other represents.

Together, Connie and Steven make the "ultimate person," which is why Stevonnie works so well as a wielder of the sword and shield. Associating Connie with the sword very early on was intentional; way back in "Lion 2: The Movie," Rose's sword's first appearance was deliberately done during a Connie episode so she could be there to help Steven use it against the Robot Shooty Thing.

McKenzie prompts Ian and Rebecca to discuss Connie's relationship with the other Gems besides Steven. Rebecca immediately brings up one of the first times all of them interact with her, in the beginning of "Lion 2: The Movie" when they warp in standing in cool poses. (That was a Jeff Liu drawing.) They really wanted to help Steven have a friend, enhancing his cool life to draw Connie in, even if they're not completely sure how to do that. Ian says they actually treat Connie better than they treat any other human. She's a full-on member of the team as Steven's best friend, fusion partner, and dedicated combatant, so she gets special treatment.

Rebecca comments that since Connie opened up to her parents about her role on the team, the Gems have actually been in more communication with Connie's parents about it, which we don't see onscreen because the perspective of the show is tied to Steven. Rebecca and Ian say it's implied pretty strongly in "Gem Hunt" that Pearl knows Connie's parents' rules. Ian thinks the conversations between Pearl and Priyanka would be "pretty boring." And Garnet, as shown in "Mindful Education," now respects Connie, Steven, and Stevonnie (each as their own person) in a more mature, "equal" way than she used to when it was more about just protecting them.

McKenzie brings up changes with the other boardies (naming Mayor Dewey and Lars and Sadie), asking Ian and Rebecca to comment on why they decided to introduce so many changes to their lives. Sadie was shown in "Sadie's Song" wanting to make changes in her life, and now in the latest episodes she's evolving to find out who she is without Lars to rely on. She thought no one really wanted to be friends with her, but although she had Lars around, she was discontent with who she was and thought nobody who was actually cool would accept her. 

The Cool Kids are said to genuinely like Lars. Sadie's experience in the band with them is based partially on Rebecca joining a band in college. They called her "Rebecca Murder." And after Rebecca left to work on her animation career, those band members began making art in a barn, inspiring what Peridot and Lapis did there.

Ian says Mayor Dewey's loss to Nanefua as mayor was planned early too; they always made sure to stick Nanefua into crowd scenes where Dewey was getting criticized. Rebecca reminds us that Nanefua is based on Ian's grandmother. 

And Ian brings up the voiceless character that's supposed to be him on the show--that he keeps getting prominently drawn in the crowd ever since he left the show. He was originally a pizza man they think was named Everett, but that idea blossomed into the Pizza family based largely on Ian's family members. 

They also discuss another character that didn't get used--a scooter-riding character named Baby who threw cans of soda at people. (??) They think he kind of thought of himself as an action hero but may have morphed into the Fryman family. (Ronaldo got some of his traits, as he's interested in the Gems.) The Keep Beach City Weird book comes up and Ian says you should read it if you're a fan of the show. (McKenzie admits that she hasn't read it. Author’s note: It’s great, I reviewed it.) They bring up the blog that the writers would use for extra-canon material, expertly timing posts to line up with the show's airing of related episodes. (Koala Princess was first mentioned on Ronaldo's blog and later was incorporated into the show.) McKenzie wishes she could know more about the concept characters like Baby.

Grace Rolek and Zach Callison:

In the wake of so many changes--Dewey stepping down, Sadie quitting the Big Donut, Lapis leaving--McKenzie prompts Grace to comment. Grace thinks there's a huge shift happening; unlike most cartoons where most elements stay the same, Beach City is moving on to a new era. (Zach starts singing a line from a Hamilton song: "The world will never be the same!") Zach thinks even though Steven and Connie have reconciled, there's still the unsolved murder mystery and there's no going back to the status quo. McKenzie thinks it's huge that Sadie left her job, considering the literal first scene of the show is Steven inside the Big Donut with her comforting him about Cookie Cats. (Grace also quotes Hamilton, saying "The world's turned upside down.")

When McKenzie asks Grace to discuss how she can bring authenticity to the story as it's changing, she says she's changed a lot herself from age 15 to age 20 on the show, so she's gotten life experience as the characters have and can relate more readily. She can pulled from her own experiences with, say, breakups, to filter those emotions into giving voice to Connie in her struggles with Steven. Zach comments that Grace was not there during his recording for "Kevin Party," and he remembers having a personal emotional reaction in response to the dialogue. (He later returns to this to express that it was where Kevin was giving Steven terrible advice; he had that happen to him too.) 

Grace says good writing really helps connection on a personal level; it automatically feels authentic. Grace adds that even though she's never fought Gem monsters or had a magical best friend, she still knows on some level what it's like to go through what Connie does in those moments because the writers build them on realistic emotional experiences.

McKenzie says she thinks Steven's emotional misfire at the beginning of "Dewey Wins" was very unlike him, and asks for the actors' comments on whether they think Steven was genuinely confused about Connie's reaction or whether he was suppressing something. Zach thinks Steven probably got it subconsciously, but was just confused about everything at the time. Grace thinks Connie just felt terrified about having faced the idea of not seeing Steven ever again and then when he returned he was so flippant about their pact, which she had invested so much into even if her ability to help might have been limited in that situation. 

Zach points out that anything bad that happened to him at age 14 was the end of the world. Zach and Grace joke about how nice it is to say "when I was a teenager" now that they're past that into their twenties. (Their birthdays are two weeks apart.) Grace says she just has normal angst now instead of teenage angst.

McKenzie brings up "Gemcation" and Steven's embarrassment to admit that he'd had a fight with Connie, worrying that they would side with her. What do Zach and Grace think of Steven's atypical reticence? Zach thinks Steven fears the Gems' reaction would be to be angry like Connie because he must deserve that treatment. When McKenzie suggests it would've been simpler to just leave and never come back to face it, Zach says that's the darkest timeline and jokes that Steven would join the Diamond Authority. This AU definitely exists.

The next subject is Connie's hair. Grace is asked to comment, and she remembers seeing it in the boards and asking about it, with Rebecca confirming that Connie had gone through a redesign. 

Grace says it's a common cliché to change your hair when you go through a relationship change, but there's truth in it. She thinks Connie's come so far from Season 1, from thinking she's going to die friendless to showing up at a cool party with a Lion and a new haircut, chatting with strangers. Grace thinks she may have changed her hair to help deal with moving forward, and although her relationship with Steven is very important to her, she needs to invest in her personal growth independently from having a magical best friend. Grace mentions feeling sort of bad for Kevin for the first time in that episode, despite his history of being unsympathetic. McKenzie thinks his past with having an ex he lost helped humanize him. They agree he deserves some sympathetic treatment but that he's still a jerk, and they joke about a redemption arc for him in which he'd have to sing and join the Crystal Gems.

Connie answers questions:

McKenzie: What do you want to be when you grow up?

Connie: Oh, I have no idea. Right now my favorite subject in school is science, so I'd love to do something with that, I think, learning and investigating the world is super interesting. Maybe I could study gems for a living.

McKenzie: Would you consider going on another adventure with the Crystal Temps?

Connie: I'd love to! I just hope they don't make me imitate Steven again. That was kind of weird. If we could just be our own people while doing an adventure, that'd be fun!

McKenzie: What's it like to be in a Fusion?

Connie: It's super weird but it's awesome. I mean, it's crazy, I get to share a mind with Steven.

McKenzie: Yeah?

Connie: Yeah, it's like, half of me is controlling half a brain and half a body, but at the same time it's just one person.

McKenzie: Is it like divided down the middle? Do you have like the right arm?

Connie: I guess. I mean, I'm left-handed, so it'd be the left arm.

McKenzie: Why did you cut your hair? Which by the way looks amazing.

Connie: Thank you! I think I just needed a change. I feel like, I'm growing up, and I've had this long hair for a real long time, and I wanted to assert a new side of my personality.

McKenzie: It's an image change, you gotta shake things up!

Connie: Exactly. I've had this long hair for a while now, and now this cute short hair, it's a cute chic new look.

McKenzie: What kind of podcast would you have if you had a podcast?

Connie: I would LOVE to have a podcast because I just love to talk about all sorts of things that interest me. It would be cool if Steven and I could get together and talk about all sorts of stuff. Maybe we could interview the Gems or interview people about--or I'd love to talk about all sorts of issues in the world today. I love to talk about the real stuff. Current events. And also pop culture, too, I think, books, television, movies, analyzing it all.

McKenzie: That sounds like an amazing podcast.

Connie: Thanks. I mean I certainly love talking to you on this one!

Next week: LAPIS!

[Archive of Steven Universe Podcast Summaries]

[trashpandaorigins]

The Shrapnel In Your Heart

*Epic music cue* There was an idea…to bring together w group of remarkable people (well one weaponized super solider later mentally deranged torture victim and one mechanized rodent) so that when the time came they’d fight the battles (well mostly each other plus some aliens) that we never could, (or let’s be honest wouldn’t want to fight at all.)

---

“Buck?” Steve looked at him in concern. “You okay?”

Bucky turned to face him, the familiar what-has-Steve-roped-me-into-now feeling washing over him. Robots and cryo and aliens and now a damned space-raccoon. You have got to be kidding me, Stevie. “Put me back,” he demanded. “I’m done, this is it, I wanna go back in cryo.”

OR: Rocket and Bucky go on a mission together. It turns out they have a lot more in common than they realized.

WARNING: Graphic depictions of violence, PTSD, discussions of torture

This fic was written by myself and the amazing @skarabrae-stone go read their Avengers and Stucky fics on AO3 (same username) and on their blog! 

Bucky wasn’t fazed by much. After all the shit he’d seen and done, saving the world wasn’t that big a deal. Even the aliens weren’t much of a stretch—and anyway, they looked pretty much like the stereotypical humanoid creatures he remembered from the sci-fi novels he’d read as a kid. The green woman even reminded him of Romanoff, which was comforting, in a scary kind of way.

Then a gun-toting raccoon walked in, arguing with what looked like a giant talking tree, and Bucky backed up right into Steve.

“Oh, hell, no.”

“Buck?” Steve looked at him in concern. “You okay?”

Bucky turned to face him, the familiar what-has-Steve-roped-me-into-now feeling washing over him. Robots and cryo and aliens and now a damned space-raccoon. You have got to be kidding me, Stevie.

“Put me back,” he demanded. “I’m done, this is it, I wanna go back in cryo.”

“Bucky--”

“There’s a talking tree, Stevie! What the hell!”

The tree in question tapped him on the shoulder. He turned, reluctantly, to see it scrutinizing him with solemn eyes.

“I AM GROOT,” it announced in a voice that started out deep, then cracked like a teenager’s.

“And if you got a problem with that, you can deal with me!” added the raccoon-thing.

Bucky blinked. “Uh.”

“Of course we don’t have a problem,” said Steve, smooth for once in his life. “Just haven’t met many—uh—non… Earth… people… before.”

“I am Groot?”

“We got that, thanks,” said Bucky irritably, brushing past the tree-thing as he followed Steve further into the interior of the spaceship. “Seriously, Steve, how the hell do you always get mixed up in these things?”

“Talent,” said Steve vaguely. “Did you see where Thor went? I wanted to ask more about the Infinity stones….”

Bucky sighed, rolled his eyes, and trailed after him, cataloguing exits and hazards as he went. The ship smelled like gun oil, charred leather, and old blood, familiar scents in this decidedly unfamiliar environment. He was doomed to follow Steve, he knew, wherever he led him; it was an old pattern, as old as their friendship, and as they walked along he couldn’t help mutter the mantra they’d picked up in the thirties: “ Here’s another fine mess you’ve gotten me into.”

“I am Groot!” Groot folded his arms, glaring daggers at the human who muttered to himself.

“They are stupid humies,” Rocket agreed.

“Hey! What did I tell you?” Peter demanded, hands on his hips. “We’re not calling anyone stupid.”

“That cave-man-looking guy called Groot a tree!” snapped Rocket. “Flarking racist.”

Peter rolled his eyes. “C’mon dude, I told you, we need to make nice with these guys. They’re the only ones who can help us defeat Thanos.” Apparently realizing that Steve Rogers had already left, he quickly motioned for his team to follow him.

“Fine,” Rocket conceded, falling in behind him. “But that cave-man one gives me the creeps.” Everything about this whole situation gave him the creeps. Humans couldn’t be trusted, and there were so many of them. If Groot were his full size, perhaps Rocket might have felt better, knowing he could perch on the flora colossus’s shoulders, but it hadn’t been that way for a long while now.

“His name is Bucky Barnes,” Gamora hushed him. “And apparently he’s dangerous, and Rogers’s boyfriend or something, so try not to antogonize him.”

Peter gave the raccoon a pleading look as all of them caught up with Steve Rogers in the Milano’s main bay.

The Avenger smiled, a little awkwardly. “This is a nice ship you’ve got here.”

Peter nodded, but Rocket looked around at the strange new people. The broad with the red hair moved with the same sort of warrior’s grace as Gamora. He wondered who could take who in a fight.

“I appreciate you all coming here,” Steve continued. “As you know, Thanos…”

“Thanos must be stopped!” Drax interjected, resulting in a few stares. But Rocket watched Steve nodding his head in agreement.

“You’re right, he must be stopped at any and all costs.”

As Steve spoke about their best approach, Bucky listened, knowing how much all of this troubled his best friend. It wasn’t enough that Steve had saved him, he felt he had to save the whole world, too. Had to be the upstanding leader. Bucky knew how much that responsibility weighed on Steve’s shoulders.

He sympathized, of course, but it didn’t make him love the plan.  Sure, they needed to figure out what the hell was up with these giant portal things. Ironman was checking out the one in New York, which left the one in Wakanda for the rest of them to tackle. But Bucky would have been a hell of a lot happier in the ground troops with King T’Challa than dinking around with magic alien technology in the middle of Thanos’s army.

“We can’t just go rushing into this,” Steve continued. “We need to know what we’re dealing with. This is a reconnaissance mission, not an attack. Once we understand what Thanos is doing, and how he’s doing it, we’ll be in a much better position to beat him in the long run.”

It made sense, Bucky had to admit. On the other hand, he’d been part of enough of Steve Rogers’s harebrained schemes to know that all their carefully laid plans would probably fall apart the minute they got there.

"Banner, Foster, and Strange are going to get in close so they can figure out how exactly this... portal thing works. Group Alpha will be their protection detail. Groups Beta and Charlie will run interference, draw attention away from Alpha so they can get the information they need. Everyone else is staying here, with T’Challa." Steve looked around, making eye contact with everyone.  “Any questions?”

They shook their heads.

“Okay. Here are the groups, then. In Alpha, we have Thor, Gamora, Mantis, Groot, me, and Bucky. In Beta, Falcon, Witch, uh… what was your name again?”

“Drax. Drax the Destroyer,” responded the tattooed alien.

Steve nodded, affirming. “Drax, yes, Quill, and Nebula.” His eyes scanned the group. “Loki, Hawkeye, Widow, and… uh… the racoon...”

“I’m not a raccoon!” The very distinctly-raccoon-looking one snapped, baring his teeth.

“Of...of course.”

Bucky had to hold back a laugh. Steve tried to get him to be as polite as possible, but even the gracious Steven Rogers occasionally slipped up.

“Rocket,” Quill said. “His name’s Rocket.”

“I’m so sorry,” said Steve earnestly. “My mistake. Anyway, you four are in group Charlie.”

Rocket growled in displeasure.  “Nuh-uh! Either Groot comes with me, or I don’t come at all!”

“I am Groot!”

“Oh ‘I don’t know you, I don’t know your life ?’ Bullshit,” Rocket fired back.

The adolescent tree-alien rolled his eyes, folding gangly arms. Bucky could only stare in semi-bewildered irritation.

Steve ran a hand through his hair, making it stick up in the back. “According to you, Groot is still an adolescent. I want him to be with the strongest group, so we can protect him if need be. Rocket, you and Quill both stated that your strong suit is melee fighting. Alpha group is basically doing guard duty. We need you in the distraction team.”

It made sense. All of Steve’s choices made sense, evenly dividing varying skillsets between the groups. There was only one thing that didn’t compute…

“Steve,” said Romanoff, “Group Charlie doesn’t have any super-soldiers.”

Loki glared at her. “I’ll have you know I’m a god--”

“And not one who’s particularly good at fighting,” she retorted. “You don’t count.” She returned her focus to Steve. “Clint should switch out with someone a little less… breakable. No offense, Clint.”

“None taken.”

Steve frowned. “I put Clint on your team so you’d have a sniper.”

“So put Barnes in. He’s a sniper, and enhanced, and he’s a hell of a lot better in hand-to-hand. No offense, Clint.”

“None taken.”

Bucky saw the mulish expression on Steve’s face, and sighed. This was 1943 all over again. “Captain Rogers,” he said, in the tone he used to use when about to disagree with one of Steve’s more foolhardy plans. From Steve’s expression, he recognized both the tone and the meaning of the title—during the war, he’d only ever called him “Captain” when Steve was being ridiculous.

He lifted his chin slightly, looking Steve right in the eye. “She’s right. Team Alpha doesn’t need me, and I’ll be a better asse—I can be more useful running interference.”

Steve’s brows drew together, a line of worry creasing his forehead. Bucky could read the expression without hearing a word: What if something happens to you, and I’m not there?

Bucky responded with the tiniest of shrugs, one corner of his mouth tugging upward ever so slightly. It’s a war, pal. Nothin’ you can do about that.

Steve sighed, shoulders slumping. Okay, you win.

“Alright, Sergeant Barnes,” he said aloud. “You’re on Team Charlie. Clint, Alpha. It’ll be dark in two hours. We’ll move out then.”

The group broke up, everyone heading in different directions. The racoon— Rocket , Bucky reminded himself—had been staring at him for the past five minutes. The old Bucky probably would have responded to this with an aggressive swagger and a “Whatchoo lookin’ at?”.  Now, he just stared back, wrapping the quiet menace of the Winter Soldier around him like a second skin. This tactic didn’t seem to work all that well on Rocket, though; the second the meeting adjourned, he marched over to Bucky and looked him up and… well, further up.

“What the hell kind of a name is Bucky?” he demanded.

Bucky just looked back at him, long enough to make it uncomfortable, before giving him a predatory grin. “The kind that sticks.”

—

Darkness fell, bringing with it a flurry of activity as everyone prepared to move out. Rocket found Bucky Barnes staring out one of the windows with a grim expression. From this vantage point, the purple glow in the sky was clearly visible.

“Doesn’t even look real,” he said, gesturing in the direction of the portal. “I thought I’d seen it all, but…”

“You ain’t even left this planet before. You ain’t seen nothin’,” Rocket retorted, but the hair on his neck rose with Bucky’s. He looked over the humies— well, he guessed the one in the fancy green and black getup was a god of some sort. Whatever, didn’t matter to him.

“Just follow me.” As he led them down the corridor of the ship towards the small pods, he couldn’t help looking around for Groot, already assembling with his team. This would be their first time apart since…well he never wanted to dwell on that day ever again. The teen looked at him. For once he wasn’t glaring, just...anxious. For a second, Rocket could almost see those large, friendly, worried eyes of his original Groot.

“Hey, it’s gonna be alright, buddy.”

Groot didn’t seem convinced. Rocket managed a sardonic grin before splitting off.

“Don’t touch anything,” he said, opening the smaller ship pod. Enough for four to fit if they squeezed. Widow, or Natasha, as Rocket had heard Rogers call her, slid into the seat beside him, instantly looking over the ship’s monitors and rigs.

“Impressive.”

Rocket smirked. “You ain’t seen nothing yet, humie.”

Bucky sat in the seat behind Rocket, stuffed like a sardine in this tin can of a ship. I’m in a spaceship being piloted by a raccoon. Steve, I swear if we get through this…

He immediately identified the exit of the ship, as well as three other possible escape routes if need be, running through the index of threats and means of attack as well as getting out. It had large windows, breakable with enough force, he suspected.

The ship detached from the Milano with a series of whirs and clicks.

“Hold onto your butts,” Rocket advised.

“Rodent, if you crash this ship…” Loki began.

Rocket said nothing, but his ears flicked back, flat against his skull, and he punched the ignition. The ship’s engines burst out blue flames as they were propelled upward out of Wakanda’s atmosphere.

Bucky gripped his seat involuntarily. Small, enclosed, tight, strapped in. Like in that lab. He shook his head, wishing Steve were there. But Steve wasn’t there. He couldn’t be, even though Bucky knew that he wanted to. He shouldn’t have to always be there, he thought, not for the first time.He shouldn’t need to babysit me.

Romanoff laughed, breaking Bucky from his thoughts. For all her apparent callousness, she did have a nice laugh. “Stark would love this technology,” she mused, running her fingers over the controls. “He’d pay a huge sum for even the blueprints.”

That appeared to get Rocket’s attention. “What kinda sum are we talkin’?”

Their conversation washed over Bucky, a distraction from all his anxieties about this situation.

“And you modified it to go through… what do you call them, jumps?”

“Yeah, nothin’ to it, really.”

“You’re intelligent for a vermin,” Loki observed.

Rocket whipped his head around. “Call me vermin one more time, pal, I’ll shove you outta this pod before you can kiss your fancy ass goodbye,” he snarled.

Bucky’s eyes narrowed as the raccoonoid turned around to face Loki. Metal implants, two. Just below the collar bones. He winced, remembering the feeling of scalpel against skin, foreign metal inserted roughly into his flesh. As grateful as he was to have regained his memories, there was a lot he wished he could forget.

___

They landed in the shelter of an alleyway, hidden from any prying eyes. The silence that greeted them upon opening the doors was eerie.

No city should be this quiet , Rocket thought. The only sound was a weird, high-pitched hum that made his teeth ache and his fur stand on end.That’ll be the portal.

“Okay,” said Romanoff quietly. “We’re going to get as close as we can, scope out the situation. Once we’ve got a clear idea of where Thanos’s troops are, we’ll make a distraction. All clear?”

“Yes, little spider,” Loki said. “We know. We’ve been over this. It’s hardly a difficult concept—or do Midgardian minds need so much repetition to retain simple information?”

Rocket had been about to make an equally snarky comment, but he wasn’t about to agree with Loki. He was starting to seriously dislike the guy. “Hey, shut it, Mr. I’m-a-big-deal-just-because-I’m-a-god,” he snapped. “Widow’s in charge of this mission, we’re taking orders from her.”

Loki raised an eyebrow. “I am a prince of Asgard. I am only here because these puny Midgardians begged me for help—”

“Oh, really?” Romanoff folded her arms. “‘Cause the way I heard it, you’re here because all the rest of your bridges got burned.”

The god-guy started looking kind of pissed off. “I can’t believe I’m wasting my time—”

“So let’s stop wasting time,” Bucky interrupted. He didn’t speak loudly, but there was something about him that made everyone else pay attention.

It’s like he’s a grenade, thought Rocket, and everybody’s scared someone’s gonna pull the pin. It didn’t make sense, though. The guy was big, sure, but not as big as Drax, and he didn’t act like he was spoiling for a fight. So far he just seemed kinda quiet—and yet some instinct told Rocket that he was dangerous.

“We all know what our jobs are,” he continued, still in that soft voice that belied the tense posture of his body. “Widow. Orders?”

Romanoff’s mouth quirked upward in the smallest of smiles. “Thanks, Sergeant. I’ll take point. Barnes, take the rear. Loki—you can disguise our presence, yes?”

“Yes.”

“Then do it. Let’s move out.”

Bucky followed them, gun at the ready. Always ready. He scanned the area constantly, alert to the slightest noise, the slightest sign of movement through his night vision goggles. Rubble crunched and rolled underfoot as they stalked through the abandoned place, the shadows flickering weirdly in the portal’s purple glow.

“Ay!” Rocket cried.

Bucky glanced down, pointing his gun, only to realize his boot was squishing something soft.

“Watch the tail, asshole!”

“SSSSSHHHH! Quiet, you’ll give away our position!” Romanoff snapped, not even glancing over her shoulder. For one stomach-dropping second they stood still; finally, she signaled them forward.

Don’t think about the threats, Bucky reminded himself, eyes looking up, down, and side-to-side for any enemies. Well, think about them, but... just follow Widow’s orders. Follow... Bucky halted as Romanoff threw up her hand, signaling them to stop.

There, down in the entrance of an underground roadway tunnel, sat several odd-looking creatures. They were spindly, but heavily armored.

“Awe, damn,” Rocket muttered, “They got Kree armor.”

“Care to elaborate?” asked Romanoff.

“It means they’re gonna be harder to take out than we initially thought.”

“Bullet-proof?”

“At a distance, anyway,” Rocket told her. “Knives, though… those get through.”

Romanoff shook out her shoulders, taking a deep breath in preparation for the fight. “Well, then. Close quarters, it is. Shall we?”

Loki grinned, stepping forward with the humans, and Rocket swallowed his fear, covering it expertly with his own snarl of a challenge. He ran between Bucky and Romanoff, clearly the ones who would offer the most protection.

At close quarters, guns were practically useless anyway. Instead, they threw themselves into the fight, kicking, punching, and stabbing as more attackers came streaming in. Rocket ended up next to Bucky, using the guy’s height as a distraction while he took out the aliens who didn’t think to look down. It was a lot like fighting with Drax, except that Bucky didn’t laugh and yell challenges at his opponents, or take risks. He was brutally efficient, taking out his opponents with knives to the gut or eye, or punches that sent them flying.

Rocket stabbed another guy in the thigh, then leapt aside as Bucky smashed his face in with a single swing of his fist. They finished off another couple in similar fashion, and then, suddenly, all was quiet.

Looking around, Rocket saw that the ground littered with corpses. The other team members straightened from their own fighting stances, looking around cautiously. Romanoff glanced at Bucky.

“Hey Barnes, you hear anything?”

Bucky appeared to listen intently for a moment, then shook his head. “No hostiles in the immediate vicinity.”

“Good.” She nodded to the rest of them. “Good work, team. Let’s keep going.”

As they fell in behind her, Rocket noticed that Bucky’s gloves had come off, or been torn off during the fight. Where his left hand should be, there was only gleaming metal.

Huh. He shivered, memories of such enhancements flashing through his mind. Watching that arm swing, he was hyperaware of the cybernetics in his own back. That job’s precise... beautiful even… from an engineering standpoint. But there’s no flarking way he’d have been able to make that himself. The raccoonoid eyed it warily as they continued onward, gaze traveling up from the hand to the elbow. Wonder if it’s an entire arm. Modified. Enhanced. Engineered.

As though sensing his scrutiny, Bucky turned to look at him. “What?”

“Your hand.” Rocket shrugged, whispering as they headed into the underpass. “That’s top-grade shit, that is. Must be worth over a million units.”  He was practiced at brushing things off casually. But in his mind, the enhanced raccoon couldn’t help but wonder if this strange human had gone through a similar torture to what he had suffered. It wasn’t possible, was it?

Bucky frowned, unsure of how to respond. But he knew how the Winter Soldier would. He’d  ring that furry little neck. Or shoot him down. That’s all it would take. One bullet, anywhere on his body. It wouldn’t be hard at all. Like snapping a toothpick. Stop it. STOP IT. He tried to force the thoughts away from his mind. Stop coming up with ways to kill him.  How’d the tiny little creature even manage to make it this far?

“Barnes!” Romanoff snapped.

He looked up as she motioned for him to get down. Rocket and Loki were already crouching.

“That’s a Radatet bomb, right there,” the raccoonoid whispered, pointing at the strange, black, circular object bolted to the wall near the end of the tunnel . “We can’t get past it; it senses motion and thermal radiation.”

“Then what do you suggest?” Loki hissed.

Bucky examined the bomb as best he could from this distance, trying to decipher it. There had to be some way…

Loki leaned forward, his fingertips glowing with an eerie green light.

“NO!” Romanoff shouted, but too late—Loki made a throwing motion, shooting a beam of energy at the thing.

Bucky was moving before he so much as thought about it, grabbing the nearest person (Rocket), and flinging them both toward the closest maintenance alcove. The thing detonated as he ran, and he rolled forward, the raccoonoid still caught up in his arms, as the blast hit. In the minimal shelter of the alcove, he crouched for cover, using his back and left arm like a shield against the flying debris.

The roar of the explosion and rumble of falling masonry blocked out all other sound, dust exploding everywhere in a haze of cloudy smoke. Something hit Bucky in the back, slamming him against the wall of the alcove; Rocket made a whimpering sound, the bolts in his back digging painfully into Bucky’s sternum.

Then, above the noise, there was a loud groan, then a crack, and suddenly the ground underneath them gave way. They plummeted down into darkness, and Bucky kept just enough control to roll when he hit, somewhat mitigating the impact of his fall.

It still hurt like hell.

Above them, around them, debris was still falling, and Bucky rolled a bit further, out of the way, and curled into a ball, waiting for it to end. At last, the noise subsided; in its absence, everything was strangely muffled, save for the ringing in his ears. His muscles felt like they were on fire, and he was pretty sure he’d cracked a rib—unpleasant, certainly, but far from the worst injuries he’d sustained on a mission.

Painfully, he sat up, taking in his surroundings. There wasn’t much to see—the rubble above him was blocking out most of the light, and the dust in the air was thick enough to obscure everything else. If it wasn’t for his mask, he was pretty sure he’d be choking right now.

A cough from nearby had him reaching for his Glock, scrambling to his feet with far less grace than he normally used. Before he could aim at anything, however, Rocket emerged from the gloom, the fur on his arms smoking.

“You—” Rocket coughed again, stopped, and pulled something over his face— some type of gas mask, Bucky realized after a second, as Rocket took a deep, rattling breath and tried again.

“You alright there, pal?”

“Yeah,” Bucky said, a little dazed. “Yeah, I’m… what about you?”

The raccoonoid shrugged, a little stiffly. “Nothin’ a soak in the jacuzzi won’t fix.”

Bucky raised his eyebrows. “You have a jacuzzi?”

“Well, nothin’ wrong with wishing.”

“Uh huh.” Despite the urgency of their situation, Bucky couldn’t help smiling a little. It was the same kind of thing one of the Howlies might say— humor to lighten a dark situation, because if you thought too much about what was going on, you might just give up in despair. He’d done the same thing, once; nowadays, he mostly just tried to survive.

“You still got a com?” he asked, peering up at the hole they’d fallen through. It wasn’t much of a hole anymore— blocked by giant pieces of concrete and rebar, it would be difficult even for him to get out that way.

Rocket shook his head. “Musta lost it on the way down.”

“Okay. I’m gonna see if the others are… what happened to the others.” He really hoped they survived, because if they didn’t, Steve would go all sad and stoic and probably charge a machine-gun nest to relieve his feelings, and Bucky just could not deal with that right now. Also, he liked Romanoff—or at least, he respected her, which was close to the same thing.

“Do you think they’re—I mean, they were closer to the blast,” said Rocket, crossing his arms. “They might not—”

“I know,” Bucky snapped. He didn’t believe in God, not anymore, but he couldn’t help praying—or maybe just wishing really, really hard—anyway.Please, please let them be okay. Please let them be alive.

He took a deep breath, air acrid in his lungs, and turned on his com.

A string of Russian invectives met his ears, and he sighed in relief. Romanoff, at least, was alive.

“You mother-fucking son of a bitch, you could have gotten us killed! What the hell were you—”

“Romanoff?”

“Barnes,” she said immediately, breaking off mid-sentence. “Where are you? What’s your status?”

“Functional,” he said automatically. “No immediate maintenance required,” and then flinched. “I’m alright,” he corrected himself. “Rocket’s okay, too. We’re—under the tunnel, I think. What about you?”

“Scrapes and bruises, nothing major,” she said. “Loki did some weird god-thing and got us out of the blast zone. We’re… outside the tunnel. Or, where it used to be, anyway. Around five hundred meters southwest. Can you meet us there?”

“Negative,” said Bucky. He paced the tunnel as he talked, peering at their surroundings. “We’re blocked in, here. It’s gonna take some digging to get out.”

“You need rescue?”

“Nah. We can—I think this is a service tunnel, we should be able to get out. It’s just gonna take awhile.” He glanced at Rocket. “The two of you should get started on the mission. We’ll come find you once we get out of this mess.”

“Are you sure?”

“That okay?” he asked Rocket.

“Sure.”

“Yeah, we’re sure.”

“Alright, then.” She took a breath, clearly audible over the com. “We’ll meet you when you get out. And, Barnes?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t get yourself killed. I can’t face Cap’s disappointed face if I come back without you.”

“Noted,” he said dryly. “I’ll try to keep myself in one piece.”

“Do that. Over and out.”

“Over and out,” he repeated, and switched off his mic. “Well,” he said to Rocket, “I guess we’re on our own.”

“Seems so.” The raccoonoid shrugged, then bent to examine the heaps of debris all around them. “If I had my stuff I could dig us outta here no problem, but I left all that junk on the ship.”

Bucky pushed experimentally at a concrete slab, noticing as he did so that his sleeve had been completely torn away in the blast, leaving the metal arm exposed. The servos made a loud grinding sound in protest, and he winced. Clearly the fall hadn’t done it any favors.

Rocket’s head jerked upward at the sound. “Hey!”

“What?” Bucky asked warily. The last thing he needed was for this furry little alien to make a big fuss about his arm.

From his belt, Rocket pulled a small vial and tossed it to him. “You’re no good with a gimpy limb. That stuff is Havarax ointment, works wonders. Illegal in seven quadrants, but it does the trick.”

“Huh.” Bucky looked down skeptically at the phial in his hand, some unknown alien scribble dotting the crumpled label, then turned to watch the creature assess the situation, his tail flicking back and forth as he walked on two legs.  

“Five-hundred meters southwest.” Rocket ruminated on what he’d overheard. “We didn’t fall straight down—” pointing upward. “We must’ve been pushed a ways from the original blast on a diagonal… so depending on where Romanoff and bug-helmet guy ended up, we could be a good ways away.”

“I didn’t think to fall a certain way,” Bucky bit back. “I was too busy making sure you didn’t get crushed.”

“Yeah, and then you dropped me!”

“The entire floor fell out from under me!”

“Tsch,” Rocket’s tail flicked away the statement as if it made little difference. “Way I see it, we can either try to dig directly up and try to find them above the surface, or we can wander around down here and hope we come up near enough to wherever they ended up.”

Bucky flexed the fingers of his left hand, trying to push away his annoyance and concentrate.

“That metal thing don’t got a navigation system on it, does it?” Rocket pointed to his arm.

“Nope.” Bucky found himself smiling again. “Does yours?”

Rocket’s ears flicked back in his mask, the little ear flaps going down. Under lighter circumstances, Bucky may have found it sort of cute, in the way of a little dog that gets pissed when its owner puts a costume on it.

“No,” he grunted, turning away.

Bucky nodded. So it’s true. Those metal bolts… sounds like he didn’t ask for them, any more than I did. He uncapped the ointment and sniffed, wincing. “Smells like road-kill.”

Rocket laughed. “Yeah, but it works.”

Bucky pumped a dab onto his hand, the off-white viscous glob making his stomach turn even as he wiped it on. Immediately, he felt a cool rush flow through his hardware, relaxing the kinks it had suffered on the fall down.

“Thanks,” he said awkwardly, throwing it back to Rocket.

The raccoonoid looked at him. “I think I got a plan if we decide to climb out right here, but uhhh… I’m gonna need that arm.” He pointed at Bucky’s metal limb. "It comes off, right? If not, I bet I can fix that."

Bucky stared at him for a long moment, trying to hide the way his heartbeat had suddenly kicked up at the idea, at the memories. Repulsors fired, and he threw up his arm, trying to shield himself; blinding, searing pain, sparking through his shoulder and straight into his spine; no arm, no weapons, Stark advancing in the metal suit, Steve in harm's way, while he lay there helpless, no way to fight... His mouth tasted bitter, coppery, and he realized he was biting his lip, hands clenched at his sides.

For his part, Rocket’s stomach coiled, recognizing that look. It was the “bad memories coming back, but you’re trying to hide it” look.

“You don’t have to talk about it,” he tried to recover lamely. “And I don’t actually need your arm. It’s just a joke.”

“It’s not funny.” Bucky glared at him.

“Yeah Star-Dork doesn’t think so either.” Rocket paused. “Seriously, though. What is up with the arm? How did you even get that?"

Bucky shrugged, clearly trying to seem casual, but Rocket could hear his heart racing. "Buncha evil fuckers captured me, decided to turn me into a killing machine." The servos on his arm shifted like the scales of an angry snake. "I wasn't much good to them with just one arm, so they made me a new one."

Rocket tilted his head. “Nice workmanship, though.”

“Yeah, well.” He glanced down at his arm, brushing the fingers of his other hand against it. “This ain’t the one they made. T’Challa’s people gave me a new one, after—look, why the hell are we talking about this? You got a plan to get out of here?”

Rocket opened his mouth, ready with a smart remark, but the guy was all tense, his hands all clenched like he was ready for a fight. It wasn’t often he decided to go with tact, but at the moment… well. There was something familiar in the way Bucky held himself, like he’d been kicked around so much he was just waiting for someone else to step up and have a go at him. Rocket knew what it was like, to have someone else’s fingerprints all over your body, permanent reminders that no matter what you did, you’d never escape what was done to you, what you’d become. So maybe, just maybe, he could scrape up a little empathy. Bucky sure as hell wouldn’t know the difference.

“Yeah, I got a plan,” he said instead, thinking better of it. “Walk down this tunnel, see where it goes… and shoot anything that moves.”

It was hard to tell Bucky’s expression behind the mask, but his posture relaxed, his voice taking on a confident, almost cocky tone, almost as though a whole new person was breaking through. “Well, it’s simple, I gotta give you that. You got anything to shoot with? ‘Cause I lost my rifle saving your sorry ass, all I got left is a coupla pistols.”

“Uh, yeah.” He fumbled a little, confused by the sudden alteration in Bucky’s manner. “I still got my XR-16 Xandarian Rifle.”

“Ammo?”

“About a hundred rounds.”

“Okay, I got… fifty pistol rounds.” Bucky drew a pistol, flicking off the safety. “Guess we’ll have to pick our shots. Let’s head out.” Without waiting for Rocket’s reply, he stepped forward, down through the dark.

__

Rocket squinted as he walked, allowing Bucky to lead the way through the tunnel. Everything inside him made him want to jump up on the humie’s shoulder. A safe spot, perched. He pushed the instincts to the back of his mind, concentrating instead on the dim black ahead, rifle poised at the ready.

He watched the metal arm. Buncha evil fuckers captured me and decided to turn me into a killing machine. So many questions. Was there a chance that this human knew what he himself had gone through? Rocket longed to ask him, but bit his tongue.   Don’t go there. Don’t you dare go there, you pathetic piece of pelt!

“You play like you’re the meanest and the hardest, but really you’re the most scared of all.” Yondu’s words echoed in his mind to this day. He was right. So, so right. But maybe he wasn’t the only one for whom it was true.   No!  He chastised himself as they continued, he couldn’t, wouldn’topen up like that. He swallowed hard. Loneliness curled in the pit of his stomach.

Bucky stopped, holding up his fist.

“What?” Rocket barked, masking his inner emotions.

“I heard something.” Bucky crouched, peering through the shadows.

“What?”

“Shut it,” Bucky hissed, aiming at the roof of the tunnel. For once, the raccoonoid obeyed. They crouched in silence, waiting. Bucky’s own breath caught as a large hissing creature slithered down from the wall of the tunnel. Leaping forward, he shot three times and rolled as it was about to land on him, large sinuous body still slithering even as he turned to see its bullet-ridden form. What the hell?

“The flark is that?!” Rocket cried.

“I was about to ask you,” Bucky admitted.

“What, you think just cuz I ain’t from here means I know every wacked-out creature there is?!”

Bucky turned back to the reptilian thing. Its tail was still twitching. He carefully nudged it with the butt of his pistol once it had stopped moving. “Must’ve come through one of the portals. Be on your guard, there could be more.”

Rocket nodded, looking through the scope of his own weapon.

Bucky moved forward, reloading as he went. The tunnel walls curved slightly, dark mold and runny streams of minerals making brown and brass-colored muck that seeped out from the cracks. Another scurrying sound.

BAM! Rocket fired.

Bucky whirled, then shook his head. “That’s just a rat.”

Rocket looked at the dead thing skeptically. “It’s pretty big.”

“Maybe you’re just small.”

Rocket’s red eyes narrowed, aiming his gun ahead, just past Bucky. “Yeah, well, my gun ain’t, so I suggest you keep walkin’!”

Bucky shook his head, laughing as he crept forward. It was an empty threat if he ever heard one. They navigated the tunnel with acute wariness; Bucky glanced above, around and even below them, as he’d been trained. But through the length they walked, the only sounds were rats.

“Exactly how long are these tunnels, humie? You got any idea where the hell we even are?” Rocket demanded, clearly impatient after a while of sneaking about and false alarms.

“Hey, I told you I don’t have a navigation system, here,” said Bucky. “You got a better idea, be my guest.”

Rocket huffed, and then… huffed again. He stopped, sniffing.

“You got a cold, or something?” Bucky asked.

“No, there’s… there’s an air current. An opening, somewhere.”

Bucky looked around, then up, searching for a break in the tunnel walls. “There!” He pointed upward, where a patch of stars was just visible through what he suspected was a manhole. “We can get through up there.”

“How the hell are we supposed to get up there?” Rocket demanded, craning to look upward.

“I thought you had a plan.”

“I told you it was a joke!” Rocket cried, looking up at the manhole. “Unless that Wakandan arm thing can scale tunnel walls, I’m out of ideas.”

“You’ve broken out of twenty-four prisons! Or was that another joke?”

Rocket lifted his gun to his shoulder. “No, it ain’t a joke! But this ain’t a prison. It’s a tunnel. Do you see any security cams I can override, any weapons? No! All that’s down here is rats, and water and mold and that weird space lizard!”

Bucky waved his hands, exasperated. “Okay, keep your shirt on, Christ. We’ll think of something.” He peered upward, ignoring Rocket’s muttering.

“Okay,” he said eventually. “I got an idea, but… you’re probably not gonna like it.”

Rocket’s eyes narrowed. “What is it?”

He took a breath. “Well, it looks like it’s about twenty feet up, and you’re pretty small, so… um… I could throw you.”

There was a moment of silence.

“ Throw me?” said Rocket incredulously. “Are you outta your mind ?”

“Not unlikely,” he answered. “But honestly, I think it’s our best shot. Once you’re up there, you can tie a cable to something and throw it down for me to climb up.”

“We don’t have a rope,” Rocket pointed out.

“Yeah, we do.” Bucky unclipped a spool of cable from his belt. “We can use this.”

“That little thread ain’t gonna hold your weight, pal.”

“It’s vibranium, I could dangle a struggling rhinoceros off the Brooklyn Bridge and it’d be fine,” says Bucky impatiently. “Come on, we gonna do this or not?”

Rocket shook his head. “I only understood about half of what you just said,” he grumbled. “Anyway, I’m still stuck on the part where you throw me into the ceiling . I don’t wanna end up as a buncha mush on the roof of this tunnel.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, invisible under his goggles. “I’m not gonna throw you into the ceiling, I’m gonna throw you through the hole in the ceiling. I’ve got good aim, I’m not gonna miss.”

The raccoon looked at him for a few seconds, considering, before he said, “Throw somethin’ else through, first, and if you make it I’ll go.”

It was a pretty reasonable request, actually, so Bucky shrugged and headed over to the wall. He punched the concrete in a couple of places, ripping out a large chunk. Behind him, Rocket swore in startlement; he ignored him and headed to the space under the hole. He took a second to judge the angle, then threw, straight through the center of the opening. There was a thump as the projectile landed on the ground above.

He turned to Rocket, dusting his hands. “There. Now do you believe me?”

When Rocket spoke, his voice sounded a little funny, like he maybe got some grit in his throat. “Okay, humie. I guess we may as well give this crazy plan of yours a try.”

Bucky smiled to himself. Finally. He hoisted Rocket up, grunting as the raccoonoid squirmed in his hold.

Breathe, just breathe, they aren’t going to take you apart again, Rocket reprimanded himself, clenching his teeth as Bucky’s arms lifted him up. Being held like this, suspended, was different from being up on Groot’s shoulders. Everything in his mind yelled at him to bite Bucky’s hand. They held him up like this to transfer him from his cage to the gurney cart. They held him like this to transfer him from the gurney cart to the table. The table with the knives and…

“Ready?” Bucky asked. He could feel the creature’s body tense as it fought the urge to thrash. He knows what it’s like to be restrained. Best I can do is make it quick.

Rocket swallowed. “As I’ll ever be...Wait!”

“What?” Bucky demanded, exasperated.

“....don’t tell Quill.”

“Alright I won’t,” he promised. “Okay 1….2…” Bucky threw, having already measured the distance. He bit back a laugh at Rocket’s cursing as he was propelled upward, the end of his tail disappearing through the top of the manhole.

“Got it?” Bucky hollered upward.

“I should flarking leave you down there!” Rocket answered, looking down on him.

“Do you have the cable?” The creature said nothing, but the cable fell down, and Bucky grabbed it, hoisting himself up.

“Thanks,” he said, grabbing the small paw Rocket offered. Bucky glanced around. W indows shattered, street covered with debris. No sign of Romanoff or Loki. None of Thanos’s goons, either.

“ This cable thing is great,” Rocket commented, wrapping it up. “Wakanda, man, wouldn’t be a bad spot to retire.”

Bucky pulled off his mask, taking a deep breath of cool night air. In his mind, he pictured the towering waterfalls and miles of open grassland, the beauty of all that vibranium, not only in weapons but transportation, technology, everything. “No, it wouldn’t.”

There was a click as Rocket removed his own mask. “I don’t see the others anywhere.”

“No.” Bucky glanced around, uncomfortable in the open. “Let’s get behind something, then I’ll call Romanoff.”

“Can you see a water tower from where you are?” Romanoff asked over the com. “It’s got murals of butterflies on it and shit?”

Bucky scanned the horizon. “Yeah—about a mile east of us, looks like.”

“We’ll meet you by that.”

“Roger.” He flipped off his mic with a sigh. “Okay, we’ve got a rendezvous point.”

Rocket hefted his gun. “Well, then, let’s go.”

They headed out into the night, slinking between the shadows like ghosts. There was something intrinsically familiar about this, watching someone else’s back in an occupied city. Bucky half expected Falsworth to materialize around the corner, signaling the all-clear, or to hear Jones and Dernier whispering in French, probably working out some crazy new way to blow something up.

Instead, gunfire erupted from up ahead, sending up a cloud of debris and shattering the glass of the building next to them. He whipped around towards the noise, raising his pistol as he searched for the shooter. There. A squat, marshmallow-like creature perched on the balcony of a ruined apartment building, directly across the square from them He fired, once, twice. Target down.

His mind snapped into computer-mode, running through the litany. Second enemy, at three o’clock. Three shots in quick succession, chest, head, neck. The alien went down. The noise attracted others, and Bucky took out three more popping out from a nearby alley.

Footsteps, heavily armored foe. Bucky twisted, reaching out for the alien who charged him, and kneed it in the stomach, gripped its arm and flipped it onto its back on the ground. Its cry was lost to the cracking sound of broken bones as he crushed its windpipe beneath his heel.

Rocket looked on as Bucky seemed to dance seamlessly, bringing down each alien who attacked. He picked one up and threw it into another, then shot them both as he ducked another alien. At some point, he’d drawn a knife with a twelve-inch blade, which he used to run another alien through the rib-cage. In a bloody dance of metal and fire he twisted, punched, kicked, jumped, and shot.

He was moving too quickly for Rocket to shoot without risking hitting him by accident, and the racoonoid found himself just watching as he mowed their attackers down. He fought the way Gamora and Nebula did, with an absolute ruthlessness and economy of movement—but they were more than half cyborg, created by Thanos for murder. Bucky was just human… wasn’t he?

Finally, Bucky slammed the last of the aliens to the ground, grunting as he tugged his knife free of the hole he’d created in its chest.

“What’d they do to you?” Rocket whispered, looking around, bewildered, at the fifteen aliens who lay strewn like fields after a storm. No normal human should be able to fight like that... he thought, turning around to examine the carnage.

Bucky glanced at him, then frowned, moving closer. He raised a hand, as though to touch Rocket’s collarbone, where the metal implants were visible above the collar of his shirt. For a long moment, the two of them just stood there, staring at each other. Then Bucky’s hand dropped, and he took a breath.

“Same sorta things they did to you.”

Rocket felt a little chill raise the fur along his spine. “Fuckin’ scientists,” he muttered. “Buncha nutcases, the lot of ‘em.”

Bucky bent to pick up an alien rifle, checking the magazine for ammo with practiced efficiency. “Yeah, give a guy a white coat and a couple prisoners and all of a sudden he thinks he’s God,” he said.

Rocket snorted, hand going to his own gun. “Doesn’t make em’ immune to bullets, though.”

A sharp grin stretched Bucky’s lips. “No, it doesn’t.”  

They walked together down the street, Bucky’s large strides stepping over debris where Rocket had to scramble. He resisted the urge to smile at the sight of the small creature brandishing a gun nearly as big as himself as he hopped over the rubble strewn across their path.

Movement caught his eye, and he raised the alien rifle without thinking, firing up at the empty window of an adjacent building. The sniper returned fire, and Bucky ducked behind a statue, using the figure’s sweeping robes as cover.

BANG! BANG!

Bucky fired several more rounds, unable to get a good shot at the sniper. More gunfire erupted around them, and he turned side-on, minimizing the amount of target he presented. Above, the alien sniper moved, a head coming into view for a split second, and Bucky pulled the trigger.

BANG, the alien went down, and Bucky lowered his rifle.

BANG, BANG...BANG . He whirled around as the noise continued, just in time to see one of their attackers go down in a spray of greenish blood. Empty cartridges littered his feet, but the shots kept coming. The last alien hit the ground, and he looked up, wild-eyed, and realized the raccoon had scrambled onto his shoulder and continued firing.

“Thanks,” Bucky managed, still perplexed. He hefted the Rocket’s weight on his shoulder; it wasn’t much, barely the weight of an additional gun.

“Yeah, no problem.” he murmured, sounding almost… embarrassed. He made as if to clamber down again, but Bucky put up a hand to stop him.

“Why don’t you stay up there?”

Predictably, Rocket bristled. “I don’t need a piggyback ride, humie, I’m not your pet parrot.”

Bucky tilted his head so he could meet his eyes. “I ain’t giving out free rides, pal. I could use you watching my six, and it’s a hell of a lot easier if you can just face backwards.”

For a long moment, Rocket just stared at him, expression unreadable on his strange features. Then, “Alright,” he said. “I got your back.”

Bucky knew that tone. “What?”

“Nothing! It’s...just that I...I ain’t never fought with anyone like that since…Groot...”

“The angsty tree teen?”  Bucky asked, peering around to make sure the coast was clear.

Rocket’s ears flattened. “No.”

“…Okay.” Bucky knew all about sore subjects. He wasn’t about to push on this one. He started forward again, scanning through broken doors and shattered windows as he went.

“Not the one you met, anyways….” Rocket whispered.

Bucky glanced up at him, surprised at the continuation. “Who was he, then?”  

Rocket thought for a long time, then said, with more gentleness then Bucky had imagined possible from the scrappy little creature, “Your Steve. My version of him, anyways.”

Bucky stopped walking, floored. “My Steve?”

“I saw you guys making gooey eyes at each other on the Milano. ”

He started walking again, feeling mildly horrified. “You and a… tree… creature? Is that—how does that work ?”

“Eew! Not like that, you creep!”

“You said he was like your version of Steve!”

“I meant the—the best friends forever part, not… ugh… gross…”

“Okay, okay, I get it,” said Bucky, feeling relieved. There were some things in this brave new world that he just didn’t want to think about. He eased himself around the corner of a building, compensating for the slight weight on his shoulder. “So…” he said, more gently, “what happened?”

Rocket sighed, rubbing his paws over his muzzle and then the fur between his ears in a truly raccoon gesture. “He’s… dead. Sacrificed himself to save us on the battle of Xandar,” he said.  “He died shielding us from the impact.”

Bucky listened, trying to push the impossibilities and doubts from his mind. Trying to stop questioning how absurd this all was. “Sounds like something Steve would do,” he muttered. Selfless Steve Rogers.

A crater had been blasted in the middle of the street, and he edged around it, not wanting to fall again. The desolation was getting to him; Wakandan cities were normally so beautiful, so full of life, and this felt terribly wrong. Like Italy.

“Damn bleedin’ hearts,” Rocket said, without much vitriol attached.

Bucky could only nod. The water tower drew slowly closer as he walked, its lights still gleaming in the strange purplish dark.

“This Groot, you two were partners?” he finally inquired. “Where did you meet? The Hundred Acre Wood, with all the other woodland creatures?”

“Very funny,” Rocket answered dryly. “We broke outta prison together. It wasn’t long after I escaped...escaped them .”

Bucky could feel the creature’s grip tighten on his shoulder and the top of his head, tense like a coiled spring ready to go off.

What would I do if Steve died…? He shuddered to even think of it. He knew he ought to say something, but didn’t know what. I used to be good at this. Or maybe I was only ever good at it with Steve. He thought about that, for a moment, trying to recall. He remembered, now, the way Steve sometimes looked at him during the War— hopeful and kind of sad, like a kicked puppy. He hadn’t known how to handle it— everything had seemed too big, too raw, too out of control, and it had taken all his self-control not to throw down his gun and run away screaming. Follow Captain America into the jaws of death . Well, he’d done that, alright.  

“Steve broke me out of a Nazi prison camp,” he found himself saying. “During the War. Well, I guess that wouldn’t mean nothing to you, but— they were—well, they were just about as evil as you can get. And the place I was at, they were—doing experiments. I was one of ‘em.” He kicked a rock in front of him, watched it bounce along the ground. “Little idiot got himself turned into a superhero, took on the whole damned compound all on his lonesome, trying to find me. Nearly got himself killed.”

“But he found you?” Rocket sounded… anxious, almost, as though reassuring himself. “You got out.”

Bucky peered around the corner of a warehouse, searching for signs of movement. He didn’t see any. “Yeah, I got out. And then they fucking took me right back again.” He took a shuddering breath, not sure why he was explaining this to this odd, violent little alien. Somehow, though, now that he’d started, he couldn’t seem to stop. “I—I thought there couldn’t be—worse than what they’d already done— I thought, the stuff they did to my— to my body, I could… I could take it, if I had to. But they took my brain, and they— they just yanked everything out, took away—everything that wasme , filled it up with their evil bullshit. And I couldn’t do a damn thing about it.”

“They gave me sentience,” Rocket whispered, so low that Bucky could hardly hear him, close as they were. “I never asked for it. I don’t even know what I was before I became what they made me. Love, friendship, family, I never knew what those things were.” He shifted, claws digging into Bucky’s shoulder. “They forced sentience on me, but they took yours away, didn’t they? Or they tried.” He laughed mirthlessly. “Shit, I can't imagine what’s worse.”

Bucky nodded, trying hard to stifle his shaking. It’s true, he thought. He clenched his fists to try and keep the memories at bay.

“They made you do things, didn’t they? Terrible things.” Rocket said, hushed.

The only sound between them was the crunch of broken pavement beneath Bucky’s boots. “Yes,” he whispered, trying to shut out the memories.

Rocket looked away, to the point where Bucky wasn’t sure if he was actually speaking to him.  “But at that point you were already so fucked up you didn’t even question if it was right or wrong, huh?” His tail flicked, brushing across Bucky’s face. “Sometimes you don’t even question it, now. And that Steve guy, your boyfriend or whatever, you’re so worried that someday you’re going to revert back into what they tried to make you and you’ll go ape-shit and kill him, ain’t that right? Even if it’s just for a second…...a  second’s all it takes.”

He was shaking now, his grip on the back of Bucky’s head borderline painful. “That’s what it was. Just a second. Just a split second, I decided to crash my ship into the Dark Aster, and send it plummeting down.” Aggression, impulsiveness, total lack of self-preservation or consideration of consequences…. traits those scientists had conditioned him into having. “…I destroyed our only means of escape. Wasn’t thinking...so Groot he, he grew around us and…” He sniffed. “Well, there wasn’t much left of him after the fall.”

“A second is all it takes…”

Bucky was pretty sure the creature was crying, at this point, and he couldn’t blame him. How many times had he seen Steve throw himself into danger on his behalf? Or, God, how many times had he nearly killed Steve as the Winter Soldier? Poor little guy. Universe sure dealt him a bum hand, just like it did me.

“I...I’m sorry,” he managed. “About your friend.”

“It’s not your fault.” Rocket mumbled.

“Hey! Listen to me.” Bucky took a deep breath. Hope they found a cure for rabies by now , he couldn’t help thinking, and reached up to pat Rocket clumsily on the shoulder. “It’s not your fault, okay? If I blamed myself for every death I inadvertently caused, I’d be far less sane then I am now—and I’m barely sane as it is.”

He felt the raccoonoid go rigid at being touched, but then he relaxed, allowing the contact for a few seconds before shrugging Bucky’s grip off of him.

BANG!   Bucky instantly snapped back to reality as dust from the misshot of a gun grazed his boots. Rocket hoisted his own gun with one arm, still perched on Bucky’s shoulder with the other. “Up there!”

The ex-Winter Soldier pointed his own gun, looking through the scope. There, in the sixth story window. Another one of those alien-like creatures, armored with Thano’s telltale garb. Bucky fired. Quick! Shoot them before they shoot you. He fired, once, twice, ignoring Rocket, who was struggling to keep his balance.

Bang! Bang! Concrete flew up all around them; the aliens had some kind of mortar. Shit! Too much firepower! Cursing once more, Bucky ran, ducking and weaving as shells exploded around them, Rocket clinging desperately to his neck. With a burst of speed, he ducked down a narrow alleyway to their left, chest heaving as he slid down the wall to a sitting position.

“What the f—flark?!” Rocket cursed, all his fur standing up.

“Shh! Just wait a sec!” Bucky waited. Breathe. Just breathe. Wait. After a few precious moments, he lifted his gun, pointing it around the corner and slowly poking his head out, scanning the street outside for movement. It was deserted now, but it wouldn’t stay that way for long.

As if on cue, Bucky started at the sound of explosive gunfire behind him.

“AAAAAHHHH!!!” Rocket’s screaming laughter over the rattle of machine guns strangely assured Bucky, sending the thrill of the fight through his veins as he ran forward once more.

They weaved in and out of the buildings, around the corner, and he skidded to a halt. Shit!

He was staring down the barrel of a mounted gun. Behind it, one of Thanos’s goons grinned yellow teeth. Bucky pulled the trigger. Click.

Shit! No more ammo . His stomach tensed, Steve’s image flashing across his mind as he dropped the rifle and drew a pistol.

In the next second, Rocket launched himself from his shoulder. The raccoonoid landed squarely on the alien’s face, biting, scratching and punching. Bucky ducked just in time as the alien was knocked sideways, firing off the weapon. It pulled a knife from its belt, frantically jabbing at Rocket, who jumped off him and picked up his abandoned gun.

“Rocket!” he shouted, but the little creature shot the alien once, twice, three times, four, over and over until long after it had collapsed, lifeless.

“What?” Rocket turned to him, blood dripping from his arm as he hefted the weapon that was twice his size over his shoulder. “I said I got your back.”

You just shot that thing into oblivion, and we need to conserve ammo. “You’re bleeding,” Bucky said, deciding that discretion was the better part of valor. He didn’t really feel like having an argument about unnecessary force just now—especially as it would be highly hypocritical.

The raccoonoid glanced at his cut. “Just a graze, humie. I’ve had worse, and so have you.”

Bucky nodded, conceding. “Glad you’re on my side,” he said, grinning. “Remind me never to piss you off. You know, you’re quite a force to be reckoned with, for a raccoon.”

He shifted his gaze to the empty buildings around them, on the alert once more. What he didn’t see was Rocket, who had climbed onto his shoulder again. His eyes were bright, chest thrust out in pride, and he was grinning from ear to ear.

__

“Widow?” Rocket whispered, leaning forward on Bucky’s shoulder and into the shattered first-story window of an apartment building a little while later. “Yo! Fancy boy with the bug hat? You there?!”

Bucky snickered. “Shhh! We’re not there yet.”

After waiting a moment in silence, they continued onward. Stepping down off the cracked stairs, Bucky checked his nine and three directions, all clear.

“You seem pretty calm about our situation here, bald-body,” Rocket commented, picking at the small wound in his side.

Bucky shrugged. “Not like I haven’t seen worse.”

Right. Torture. “How long did they have you, anyway? Those Nazi people.”

“HYDRA,” said Bucky absently. “They changed the name. About… seventy years. Give or take.”

“Seventy years ?”

Bucky turned another corner, sliding against the cracked concrete and crouching between the traffic barriers, now deserted. “I was on ice for a lot of it. Cryogenically frozen. But… yeah.”

Rocket didn’t know a whole lot about humans, but he was pretty sure that was most of a human lifespan. “Flark,” he breathed. “You really did lose everything. Family… friends… hell, I bet you were a standup guy before they did what they did. Going off and fightin’ in that war.”

“Mmm,” Bucky muttered, ducking under a partially-collapsed archway.

“They cut into you and tore you apart. So bad that your body was no longer yours. It belonged to them. You belonged to them. You were a tool, a plaything. That arm—” Rocket gestured to the metal limb— “That’s a Wakandan upgrade. But those Nazi psychos must’ve given you another one.”

Bucky glanced at the metal arm.

“That’s not the only thing they did to you, was it?”

“No, it wasn’t.” He suddenly fired at an alien who jumped at them down from the rafters. It fell dead before them, and Bucky stepped over it, apparently unfazed. “I told you they messed a lot of shit up, alright, can we not go down that road again?”

But Rocket wouldn’t be deterred. “It’s what’s in the inside that’s really fucked. They yanked everything out, like you said.”

Bucky walked forward, checking his gun as the rounded another deserted street.

“They messed up your mind…...your heart.” Rocket’s voice choked, lost in his own memories of Halfworld.

Bucky sighed, stopping for a moment to lean against a wall. “Everything that was me, remember? I meant it when I said everything .”

In Rocket's head, bright lights glared. Steel tables, blades, the smell of blood and fear… He swallowed, hardly aware that he was speaking aloud. “Cut into pieces with their scalpels and those machines… That’s what they wanted right? A machine. That’s what they tried to turn you into.”

“Yeah,” said Bucky, taking a deep breath, “they tried.” He glanced up, smirking. “Look at us now, though. Sure, we’re a few potatoes short of a bushel, but… they’re dead. We’re not. So from where I’m standing, looks like we won, huh?”

Rocket grinned back, a surge of warmth filling his chest. Take that, fuckers. After all that, we’re alive.

“What about you? You were just an innocent… creature… and they—they tortured you…”

Rocket stared incredulously at the only person in this whole damn galaxy who perhaps understood, truly understood what he’d been through. He shook his head. Out of all the creatures in the damn galaxy. Not even Yondu, not even Groot, fully knew what this humie knows. What a world.

“So you don’t remember anything at all?” Bucky asked, unable to silence his curiosity.

“Just smells.” Rocket said. “Trees, dirt mostly and other things...fur, I think. Musk.” He shook his head, snapping out of it. “Guess that’s why I don’t mind having Groot around. He smells like a tree.”

Don’t mind having Groot around. Bucky almost snorted. That’s an understatement if I ever heard one. He recalled the raccoons that rummaged in the bins behind his childhood apartment in New York, and had a vivid mental image of Rocket popping out of a trashcan, gun and all. He bit back a laugh at the thought. The prickly little creature probably wouldn’t appreciate the joke.

Rocket suddenly tensed, whiskers twitching.

“What is it?” Bucky looked around, but couldn’t see anything.

“Someone’s coming,” the raccoonoid swung his gun around, aiming at where they had just passed.

Bucky switched his mic on. “Romanoff?” he whispered.

For a moment, there was only silence. Bucky waited, holding his breath. All the fur on Rocket’s neck stood up.

“There you are!”

Bucky lowered his gun, sighing with relief as Romanoff and Loki rounded the corner.

“We thought you’d gotten lost,” said Romanoff, a flicker of genuine relief barely audible before she cleared her throat and resumed practiced practicality. “We set off one of the explosions, but there’s still the illusions left to do, and we need a full team for that.”

“We tried to get to you. There were a lot more aliens than we thought,” Bucky explained.

“Well, you’re here now. Let’s finish this up.”

“We can’t,” said Loki. “My Rendelian crystal is missing!”

Romanoff gave him a look of flat disbelief. “Don’t tell me you lost it?”

He huffed in frustration. “I had it right here, in my pocket! Rendelian crystals don’t just get up and walk away!”

“You’ll have to do without it,” said Romanoff impatiently. “We don’t have time for this!”

“I needed that crystal to channel my power! I can’t create that kind of illusion without some kind of focus!”

“Sounds important,” said Rocket innocently.

Bucky cast him a sharp look. Years of dealing with Steve’s bullshit had made him very familiar with that particular tone, and it never meant anything but trouble.

“Yes, it is!”

“Valuable, too.”

“It’s practically priceless!”

Rocket reached into his pocket, smirking. “Oh, I don’t know about that. I’d be willing to give it back to you for, say, a few thousand units.”

There was a taut moment of silence, like the instant before the release of a bowstring. The scene could have been a photograph: Rocket smirking, Romanoff wary, Loki slowly going incandescent with rage. Bucky could almost hear the snap when it broke.

“You!” Loki snarled. “You insulting, insufferable little freak!” He lunged towards Rocket with incredible speed.

The raccoonoid hunkered down on all fours on instinct, fur bristling, but Loki was too quick, grabbing Rocket by the scruff of his neck and held him dangling, snarling and spitting.

“I’m going to skin you alive and roast you on a spit, you little animal!” He jabbed a finger at Rocket’s snarling muzzle. “I don’t know who made you, but they should’ve killed you the first chance they got. You rat! I…”

Click-click.   The mischief-maker stopped short, the barrel of Bucky’s rifle pointed squarely between his eyes.

“Put. Him. Down,” Bucky whispered dangerously.

Loki’s expression shifted from furious to incredulous before settling on fear as he stared at Bucky’s murderous face.

Bucky’s rifle didn’t waver; rage was coursing through him, cold and hard and dangerous as ice. “I’m not asking again. Release him.”

The Asguardian swallowed, then let go, dropping Rocket to land all fours on the ground.

Bucky slammed Loki against the wall, arm to his throat. He’d rather scare the man than kill him, but right now, he wouldn’t be shedding any tears if he gave Loki a few bruises to remember him by.

“I won’t be told what to do…” Loki’s breath shook as Bucky pressed his arm harder into his neck, pinning him to the wall.

“You will apologize to him. You will respect him and you will never speak that way to him again. And if you threaten him one more time…”

“Boys,” Romanoff drawled, still leaning against the opposite wall of the alley, “Let’s calm down a bit, shall we?”

“Apologize,” Bucky growled, drawing a knife from his belt. “Now.”

“Barnes, come on, calm down.”

“It’s— just—a rodent,” Loki choked out, either stupid or suicidally confident.

“Yeah,” said Bucky, baring his teeth. “And I’m just a brain-damaged assassin.” He touched the knife tip to the place where Loki’s ear met his skull; a cut there wouldn’t kill him, but it would hurt like hell. “I don’t like bullies, pal. You got five seconds.”

“Alright!” gasped Loki. “Alright! I’m—sorry. There. Happy?”

“What are you sorry for? Tell him, not me.”

“I’m sorry I called him—you—those things! And threatened you!”

“And…?”

“And I won’t do it again!”

Bucky stepped back, letting him fall. Turning, he caught Rocket’s eyes.

“You crazy son of a bitch.” Rocket’s tone sounded closer to awe than anger. “I coulda handled him.”

“Yeah,” said Bucky, sheathing his knife and picking up the rifle. “But I don’t let nobody talk to my friends like that. Not on my watch.”

Rocket opened his mouth, then closed it again, apparently at a loss for words. Before anything else could be said, Romanoff stepped in.

“Okay, if we’re done with all the posturing, could we please focus, here? Rocket, why don’t you hand Loki the damned crystal, and we can get this over with.”

Wordlessly, Rocket threw the thing to Loki, who accepted it with a grunt.

“Follow me,” Romanoff ordered, and the rest of them stepped in line behind her.

Rocket trailed behind Bucky, running a hand through his fur. “Uhhh, listen… thanks for what you did back there.”

Bucky glanced down at him, a smile coming to his face. “Any time,” he said sincerely.

It felt good to stand up for someone again, to do something simple and good. It had been a long time since he defended people, protected them.Steve would be proud. The thought of it made his smile widen as they headed out.

__

“Shit! Shit, shit, shit!” Rocket dove out of the way as the delivery van he’d been sheltering behind vaporized under an energy bolt from an alien gun. “Bucky, where the hell are you?”

Three shots rang out in quick succession, followed by a sudden silence.

“Taking out the sniper,” said Bucky over the coms. “You okay?”

“Of course I am, humie. Take a little more than that to take me out,” Rocket bluffed, trying to ignore the way his heart was racing. “We done here, or what?”

He still couldn’t see Bucky; the guy was on the rooftops somewhere, but he seemed to have an ability to blend in just about anywhere. Off in the distance, the illusions Loki had set continued to flare and crackle like fireworks. They needed to get out of here, before Thanos’s troops caught them.

“Romanoff?” Bucky asked. “What are your orders?”

Silence.

“Romanoff?”

Another, nerve-wracking silence, then a cough, then Romanoff’s voice. “Yeah, I— sorry. My com got—” She broke off.

“What the hell is going on?” Rocket demanded. “We need to get out of here!”

“Much as I hate to agree with the—”

“Shut up, Loki,” Bucky snapped. “I’ve got Romanoff. Meet me by that— is that a burger place? Whatever. The place with the sign.”

Rocket hurried to the storefront indicated, ears swiveling to catch any hint of attackers. Nothing moved; for the moment, their little section of the city seemed to be deserted. Loki met him at the door, pointedly looking over his head, like it was beneath him to acknowledge a rodent . Rocket gave a little hiss. Same to you, asshole.

“Hurry up, Bucky,” he snapped into his com. “We don’t got all day.”

Bucky didn’t answer. Instead, he rounded the corner, carrying—oh. He was carrying Romanoff, and the way her head was lolling against his chest did not bode well.

“What happened to her?” Rocket demanded, hurrying forward.

“Knife wound, maybe broken ribs, not sure what else,” said Bucky. “She was under a pile of dead aliens when I found her. Loki, I’m gonna need that coat.”

“I—” Bucky gave him a dark look. “Coat. Now.”

Loki huffed, but stripped off his coat and handed it over.

“You two keep a lookout. I’m gonna bandage her up.” Bucky laid Romanoff on one of the tables inside, cushioning her head on his own jacket, then began cutting Loki’s coat into strips. The knife was still stuck in her thigh, which was probably the reason she hadn’t bled out already—but there was no way they could get her back to the Milano without jostling it. It needed to come out.

At least she’s already unconscious, he thought, and set about making a tourniquet.

Romanoff woke up just as Bucky finished bandaging her.

“Fuck,” she groaned, and then, “Barnes?”

“Hi,” he said, ridiculously awkward for someone who had her blood all over his hands. Then again, maybe that had something to do with his awkwardness. Usually being covered in blood didn’t mean he’d just saved someone. “How are you feeling?”

“Alive,” she said drily. “Which is honestly more than I was expecting, so I’ll take it.” She pushed herself up on her elbows, uttering a slight hiss of pain. “What’s the damage?”

“It missed your femoral artery by about half a centimeter,” he told her. “I put a tourniquet on and packed it with those vibranium bead things of Shuri’s. Other than that—I think you’ve got at least one broken rib, but nothing’s poking through, so I’m gonna assume you’re not about to collapse a lung. Did you hit your head?”

Romanoff shook her head. “Nope, just— moved wrong, fainted.” She looked disgruntled. “I hate it when I do that.”

“It happens to the best of us,” he assured her solemnly.

“Super-soldiers,” she muttered. “Okay, we need to get out of here, back to the pod. Are Rocket and Loki okay?”

“They’re fine. We need to get you to the Milano before you lose any more blood— or before that tourniquet starts causing problems. The pod’s too far away.”

“I see.” She pursed her lips. “I don’t suppose Thanos’s minions left any alien ships lying around here?”

“Hey guys!” Rocket called from outside. “There’s a bunch of hoverbikes out here!”

As it turned out, only one of the hoverbikes was working, but one was all they needed. After a short debate, Loki and Romanoff took the bike back to the Milano, as (a) Loki could create illusions to mask their presence, lessening the risk of them being attacked, (b) Romanoff needed someone bigger than her to support her in case she lost consciousness again, and (c) there was no way Bucky was leaving Loki and Rocket alone together.

As the hoverbike disappeared into the distance, Rocket turned to Bucky. “Well, guess it’s just us again.”

“Yeah.” Bucky wiped his bloody hands on his pants, then slung his rifle over his shoulder. “C’mon, let’s get back to the shuttle.”

___

“Groot!” Rocket launched himself at his friend, wrapping his arms around Groot’s legs as far as they would go. “Buddy! Are you okay? You ain’t hurt?”

“I am Groot.”

“What d’you mean, ‘Of course not’? You coulda been— you coulda been—” Rocket’s words were lost as he wound his arms even more tightly around the tree-like creature’s leg. The teen rolled his eyes, making an annoyed huff, but he made no attempt to pry Rocket off of him, and even grew several vines around the raccoonoid’s torso in what Bucky could only interpret as a tight hug.

Bucky snorted, and tried to cover it with a cough.

Rocket glared at him. “You got a problem, pal?”

“Not me,” said Bucky innocently, but he couldn’t quite keep the smirk off his face. “Just gotta say, for a guy who goes on about other people beingbleeding hearts , you’re kind of a sap.”

Rocket’s reply was drowned out by a shout from down the hall.

“You didn’t tell me he was here!” Steve came barreling into the room like he was about to take down the entire Third Reich, and skidded to a halt in front of Bucky.

“Bucky!” he said breathlessly. “Are you— I mean—can I—”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Just get over here, Stevie.”

Apparently that was all it took, because the next second, he was enveloped in Steve’s arms, with Steve’s face buried in his shoulder. Bucky held on tight, bringing his right hand up to cradle the back of Steve’s head.

“Yeah, okay, darlin’. I got you. You’re okay.”

“I thought I lost you,” Steve mumbled into his shoulder. “When they came back , and Nat was injured, and you weren’t—you weren’t—”

“I know. I’m sorry.” Bucky rubbed his back in what he hoped was a soothing manner. “But I’m okay. I came back, Steve. I came back to you.”

Behind him, Rocket said something in a sarcastic tone that probably meant it was directed at him. He turned his head enough to look over at the raccoonoid.

“What was that?”

Rocket crossed his arms, but his whiskers were twitching in what Bucky was pretty sure was a grin. “I said, it takes one to know one, buster.”

Bucky patted Steve’s hair, noticing that Groot’s— tendrils? Vines? Appendages—were still wrapped firmly around Rocket. Something was expanding in his chest, a great, light pressure like a balloon, filling his lungs and heart and buoying him up. It took a moment to recognize the feeling ashappiness.

“Yeah,” he said, smiling. “Yeah, it does.”

THE END

[mydarlingfelix]

Get to know me tag(s)!

Tagged by: @hyunjinh  @felox-the-great @jaeffreyy @squishywoojin @welcometochanskitchen @dabkingfelix @mosquitofelix

Hi! I’m Summer btw (Ik it’s not in my bio), but I just go by Sum or other nicknames lol *I also just put multiple “get to know me” tags in 1 lol THIS IS A SUPER LONG POST IM SORRY However thank you for tagging me!! I Love you all soOoOo much!

Bold Thingy Tag

1ST RULE: tag 9 people you want to get to know better

I think everyone done this already fkjdjgb

2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true.

APPEARANCE: - I am 5'7 or taller - I wear glasses - I have at least one tattoo -I have at least one piercing - I have blonde hair - I have brown eyes - I have short hair (idk it’s growing) - My abs are at least somewhat defined - I have or had braces

PERSONALITY: - I love meeting new people - People tell me I am funny - Helping others with their problems is a big priority of mine - I enjoy physical challenges - I enjoy mental challenges - I am playfully rude to people I know - I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it - There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY: - I can sing well - I can play an instrument - I can do over 30 pushups without stopping - I am a fast runner - I can draw well - I have a good memory - I am good at doing maths in my head - I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute - I have beaten at least 2 people arm wrestling - I can make at least 3 recipes from scratch - I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES: - I enjoy sports - I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else - I’m in a orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else - I have learned a new song in the past week - I exercise at least once a week - I have gone for runs at least once a week in warmer months - I have drawn something in the past month (Lucy wanted to be drawn for her bday and I did a watercolor portrait thing ig? for her) - I enjoy writing - Fandoms are my #1 priority- I do some form of Martial arts

EXPERIENCES: - I have had my first kiss - I have had alcohol- I have scored a winning point in a sport - I have watched an entire TV series in one sitting - I have been at an overnight event- I have been in a taxi - I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year - I have beaten a video game in one day - I have visited another country - I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

MY LIFE: - I have one person that I consider to be my Best Friend - I live close to my school/work - My parents are still together - I have at least one sibling (I have like 5)- I live in the United States - There is snow where I live right now - I have hung out with a friend in the past month - I have a smart phone - I own at least 15 CDs - I share my room with someone

RELATIONSHIPS: - I am in a Relationship - I have a crush on a celebrity (?) - I have a crush on someone I know - I’ve been in at least 3 relationships - I have never been in a Relationship (not a healthy one at least)- I have admitted my feelings to a crush - I get crushes easily (It’s disgusting, wtf is wrong with me. I don’t need feels) - I have had a crush for over a year (Umm kinda he’s just really really cute. I talked to Dain about this before) - I have been in a relationship for over a year (but not currently) - I have had feelings for a friend

RANDOM: - I have break-danced - I know a person named Jamie - I have had a teacher that has a name that is hard to pronounce - I have dyed my hair - I’m listening to a song on repeat right now - I have punched someone in the past week - I know someone who has gone to jail - I have broken a bone - I have eaten a waffle today - I know what I want to do in life - I speak at least two languages - I have made a new friend in the past year

Alphabet Soup Tag

A: Age - “I’m 19, you fight me?” B: Birthplace - Cali C: Current time - As I’m during this 1:26pm D: Drink you had last - Water, but also Thai Tea Boba E: Easiest person to talk to - F: Favorite song - None G: Grossest memory - My cousin’s and I were doing a auntie and niece day and went theMall and I saw this girl throw up on the second floor in Forever 21. I felt sorry for the workers...  H: Hogwarts house - G I: in love? - nah, never gonna happen J: Jealous of people? - It’s only a human aspect, you’re only truly horrible if you do something nasty to others because of that feeling K: Killed someone? - Not yet lmfao L: Love at first sight or should I walk by again? - No thank you M: Middle name - Summer N: Number of siblings - 5 O: One wish - None P: Person you called last - My mom Q: Question you are always asked - Idk tbvh R: Reason to smile - Idk things make me happy S: Song you sang last - The Unit No way (I dont remember the unit colors)  T: Time you woke up - 6:43am  U: Underwear color - White  V: Vacation destination - South Korea, Japan, & idk the other one, but honestly my goal is to visit all my mutuals before I died lmfaooo W: Worst habit - Not caring, sleeping in, getting distracted easily, being anixious all the time.  X: X-rays - Teeth Y: Your favorite food - I have a lot... Z: Zodiac sign - Gemini

🥛 Colour(s) I’m currently wearing: Black... Just a lot of black (I need to stop wearing sm black omg)  🍥 Last band t-shirt I bought: I don’t ever buy clothes for myself, idk when was last time? Maybe during the Got7 concert?  🥛 Last band I saw live: Got7 (Fly In LA: Day 1) and Paradise (A Hmong Band)  🍥 Last song I listened to: Rn I’m listening to The Unit’s Cherry on Top  🥛 Lipstick or chapstick: Idk... I wear lip tints.  🍥 Last movie I watched: Ever Wonder? (idk it’s a true story about the creation of wonder women)  🥛 Last 3 TV shows I watched: Wanna One Go, Wanna One x Aimgo TV, and The Unit 🍥 Last 3 characters I identified with: Kora, Steven Universe, & Ken Kaneki (idk for this part, I never thought about this fkdfdkgd)  🥛 Book I’m currently reading: Books for my classes njfdkjd 

What’s my name? (Imma just put my initials) 

M. S. L.

What’s my nickname?

Sum, SumSum, SumShine, Summahh Girl, Tsumdere, Chee, 

How old am I?

“I’m 19, you fight me?”

What got me into Kpop?

SJ- Sorry Sorry, but Got7 made me offically stay and learning everything about the kpop fandom

What’s my favourite Kpop group?

Rn W1 (the most)

Who’s my ultimate bias?

Park Jihoon

What groups/artists do I stan?

Too many to count, you all can ask my personally if you want lol

What groups/artists do I casually listen to?

A lot, I try to be diverse, but what’s good music is good music to me. Feel free to suggest me some :D

What artists do I listen to that aren’t Kpop?

Ahh I’m lazy, but just good sounding music. Calvin Harris just popped up in my head. fknfkjskfnj 

Who’s my bias and bias wrecker from my ultimate group(s)?

Omfg

Wanna One: Park Jihoon & Kang Daniel

JBJ: Kim Donghan & ??? (They’re all messing me up rn)

SK: Felix & I think Hyunjin? Idk

What’s your favourite song(s) to sing/hum?

It’s recently been Chungha’s roller coaster lol and The Unit songs  

What are your favourite flower/tree/plant (all 3 or whatever you have an answer to)?

I really love plants and flowers in general, however Peonies are one of my many faves!! 

Favourite colour(s)?

Pink, blue, purple, black, white, and gray

What do you always doodle (if you ever do)?

Umm yeah I always doodling, but I try not to because I want to be able to focus in class haha. 

How do you take your coffee/tea? If you don’t like those what’s your fav warm drink?

It probably like 20% coffee and 80% french vanilla cream nfksjfgsbjg sometimes I add a lil milk too 

Favourite candle scent?

Anything flowery, but i really like sweet pea smell lol. I don’t any candles yet, so I don’t quite know which I like more yet. Soorrryy

Sunrise or Sunset?

Sunset! The colors are soo pretty and like it doesn’t require me to wake up from my sleep lmfao. The transitions of day and night it just so beautiful! and the stars that start peeking through the dark sky! 

What perfume do you wear if any?

I don’t wear perfume? I have them at home but in my opinion I feel like if you’ve showered and smell nice why try to mix more scents onto you?? and I don’t really need it? DONT WORRY I AM CLEAN NFJSNJF idk if I make any sense

What’s your go to dance move when you’re alone?

-

Favourite quote?

“The moon is friend for the lonesome to talk to.” ― Carl Sandburg 

&  “We ran as if to meet the moon.” ― Robert Frost  

& also 

“The moon and stars just for you my love” - Me lol 

Favourite self care thing(s) or routine(s)?

Umm... Drawing. Showering and putting a face mask afterwards. Painting my nails. It’s more like small things, especially like painting my nails and drawings are things I can’t do often because I try to focus on school, because ik I’m bad at focusing. Sleeping and reminding to just eat, when I get too busy and focused I tend to skip meals. njfkdsnfj s

Fuzzy socks or House slippers?

OMFG BOTH THAT’S LIKE THE BEST COMBO! I have these pinky and purple house slippers I got aND IT’S FUZZY KSFJ SK IT’S SOOO CUTE OMG!! I love. nfjdnfd 

What colour are your eyes? 

Dark Brown

What’s your favourite eye colour on others?

Hazel, black, and gray

Favourite season? why?

Autumn and Winter (Ik contradicts with my name) but I love the rain! and cloudy weather! The sound of rain is calming and being inside while hearing the rain is nice. I really love Spring too when the flowers begin to bloom and like it’s a fresh type of feeling when spring hits lol.

Cheek, neck or nose kisses?

SJFNKFS Honestly depends on my mood  (´•/// ω \\\•`) but I like cheek kisses because softtt

What does your happy place look like?

My room on a rainy day with my fairy lights flickering

Favourite breed of dog?

YO OKAY SO I SAW THIS FB POST ABOUT THIS DOG BEAR AND I WANT A DOG BEAR IDK WHAT THEY’RE CALLED JKFDFHKSF. My dad is a dog breeder as a side business, so I grew up with pitbulls, pocket pits, american bull dogs, frenches, and now ‘exotics’ are the trend atm. 

Do you ever want to be married? If so what colours would you pick for your wedding theme?

Umm yes and no? I’m not sure. If I have an American wedding I like to stick to a traditional white with maybe a peach and light pink here and there, but for sure I would love to do a traditional Hmong wedding. 

Silk or Lace?

Silk feels nice, but I like lace too :)

Favorite weather?

SF type of weather 

[gayghosttt]

I wanna hear your answers to your questions thingie ☺️

Thank you I am avoiding studying for 3 finals rn lmao

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? More cereal, I do not like milk at all it makes me feel sick Every time lmao

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? Y e s I love being cold

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? mm usually a sticky note

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? I don’t really like tea but I usually have some kind of cold coffee or with cream and 2 sugar if its hot

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?  mmm kind of yes

6: do you keep plants? I don’t currently have any but I love having them

7: do you name your plants?  yes!!

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? currently more words than visual art

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? sometimes, I mostly do it in my head though

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?  I almost always sleep on my left side but I sometimes sleep on my right side or back

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? long boy, CRACKS PANTS, What if i was Straight

12: what's your favorite planet? mm I actually don’t know a whole lot about any of them but I think neptune is Very pretty

13: what's something that made you smile today? my friend paige and I sent each other christmas cards and I got hers in the mail today!!

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? there would be his nerdy video game stuff Everywhere and my books and movies everywhere and a little bit of glitter on everything lmao

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! it is quiet Everywhere in space

16: what's your favorite pasta dish? lasagna is the actual love of my life

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?  BLUE OR DARK PURPLE

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. I do alot of dumb things lmao but last semester when I lived in a residence hall with my friends i was always shouting IM GAY down the hallway or kicking my leg up high to put it on the window ledge

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? I am very forgetful so I never keep a journal or sketchbook consistently 

20: what's your favorite eye color? brown

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. I don’t really have a bag that’s lasted a super long time but my little blue makeup bag used to be my sister’s and I’ve been using it since high school 

22: are you a morning person? If I’ve slept enough then yes but when I have classes at 8 am,, no

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?  sleep in and watch movies

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? mmm probably Steven? He knows most of them already

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? THE CHURCH PARKING LOT WE GOT LOCKED INTO TOGETHER AT NIGHT

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? I rotate between like 3 pairs but I have some beat up black high tops I’ve had since high school that I love

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? usually just minty gum

28: sunrise or sunset?  sunset

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? steven calls me everytime he’s driving home from school and we always say I love you before hanging up its gay and i love him v much

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yes a few times

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. okay I get judged for it alot but I wear socks 24/7 I have Too many socks and theyre all cute and yes I wear socks to bed and I wear them all the fricking time I am uncomfy being barefoot

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. Nothing recently but last semester I used to stay up until like 4 am with alot of my friends watching movies and one time like 10 of us watched star wars and had snacks and had a big cuddle pile sleepover on the floor

33: what's your fave pastry? chocolate croissants 

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? mm I have a bunch still bc alot of them were given to me by someone sepcial/ for special reasons and one of my favorites is a pink bear with a dodgers hat that was from my dad when I was a kid

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? I do! If I have stationary I’ll use it to send people mail

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? currently I’m listening to lana del rey and its fitting

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?  I am an organized messy person so I am like half and half

38: tell us about your pet peeves! when people invite themselves over/ just show up without asking, opening doors without knocking, chewing with your mouth open

39: what color do you wear the most? black

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? I have a black ring I wear everyday that was from my sister and it makes me think of her since we don’t currently live in the same house while im at college

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? How to remodel a man by w. bruce cameron, I found it at the library and got it just bc it sounded like a funny title and it was genuinely the funniest book I’ve ever read I loved it 

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! Either 85 degrees down the street from me bc its really cute and the chocolate bread there is Amazing or coffee bean in my city cause it has a v nice atmosphere and the baristas all know my sister so they’re really friendly

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? I have no idea actually

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? ???????????

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?  I try to

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.  earlier Aaron and I were roasting Morrissey and I said that when moz cancels shows/doesnt show up bc he’s sick its like he just sneezes once and then he’s like,,, oh my god am I,,, Still Ill

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?  tuna

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? I don’t really remember tbh

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? yes!! last record was the Uni single release and its clear and v cool and the last cd was a paul mccartney one i think 

50: what's an odd thing you collect? pins mostly

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? I associate alot of music with a lot of people but one song that reminds me of you is little queenie by sad girl

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?  the one of the white guy making a confused face is maybe my fav

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? rocky and heathers and beetlejuice yes and I love them all v much, I watched pulp fiction once at like 3 am and i slept through alot of it by accident so I cannot give an accurate opinion

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? my sister

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? im not sure but my middle name is dramatic So

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? when they genuinely want to know about how your day was, when they remember something you said a long time ago, when they bring you something out of the blue because they know you like it

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? yes alsways it is one of the best songs ever

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?  I don’t currently have a solid Group of friends but between us I would say you are probably wine mom and i am vodka aunt lmao

59: what's your favorite myth? I love a lot but rn I love the loch ness monster 

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? yes but currently none are coming to mind lmao

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? sometimes I give steven glitter bc i love it and he Hates it lmao but I’m not sure if I’ve ever really gotten a stupid gift?

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? nope, usually just water

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? organized, not necessarily alphabetical or anything but I like things by the same author or artist to be together 

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? black

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? alot of my high school and college pals

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? mmm probably a lot of dark red roses and little white flowers

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? kinda depends but usually I like them

68: what's winter like where you live? usually cold and kinda rainy but lately its still in the 80s and hot

69: what are your favorite board games? bingo always

70: have you ever used a ouija board? no and I Maybe would??

71: what's your favorite kind of tea? not super into tea but i don’t mind green tea

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it?  v much so

73: what are some of your worst habits? procrastinating, leaving water bottles on the floor, ignoring instructions 

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. they have brown hair and glasses and really pretty eyes and live in another country and are so sweet and remind me of a little fox

75: tell us about your pets! I don’t have any but my siblings both have fish and barry is my fav little guppy even though he’s a rude drama queen

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? studying for my finals

77: pink or yellow lemonade? both but I like pink alot

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? h a t e

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? one of my friends used to make me mixtape cds alot

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? at college they’re just white bc its a dorm but at home they’re blue and my dad and I painted them secretly one summer lmao

81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. looks like the inside of a blue gelpen

82: are/were you good in school? I try to be, I’ve always had a hard time in math and science classes but I’m good with artsy and english classes

83: what's some of your favorite album art? I have,,, to many to pick from

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? currently no? I’m very indecisive so I’m not sure what I would get bc I would want it to have a special meaning

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? not really but I wouldn’t mind

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? probably alot but ziggy stardust and sgt pepper come to mind first

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? eraserhead, big fish, and casablanca

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? mmm yes probably alot but rn I really like zines

89: are you close to your parents? my dad yes my mom is very up and down

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. I really love the Manhattan Beach area it’s always made me really happy since I was a kid something about it just always feels welcoming and familiar to me

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? not sure

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? depends on the pasta but generally I like alot of cheese

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? It’s always the same fluffy messy curly besides when I put it up in a little ponytail sometimes

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? my friend tori from high school

95: what are your plans for this weekend? going back home and Finally sleeping alot

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? it usually takes me about a week to finally stop being lazy and do them

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? I think I was ensj or insj or something like that last time i checked, I’m a gemini and I have no idea about my hogwarts house lmao

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? probably a few years ago and it was pretty okay

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. there are a Lot but lust for life by the band girls always reminds me of myself and i’m listening to flatsound rn and alot of his music hits me hard bc I feel like that alot

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? as much as I would like to have things back from my past I would probably say future, I’d like to skip ahead a bit to when some things have changed and are hopefully better