#this has been long over due
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wait i'm curious, what makes you say that gregor doesn't like everyone else (if i read that post right)? just curious since i've never seen anyone else say that
i don't necessarily think gregor dislikes everyone else at lcb but i do think that gregor is an incredibly petty person that isn't nearly as close to the rest of the sinners and even outright dislikes some of them cough cough rodya cough cough which a lot of people just Refuse to see because he's as much of a doormat as he is. there's several examples i could get into to try and prove my point however i'll just focus on what i personally think to be the biggest ones.
additionally, this is going to be kind of long, so i'm adding a read more. read more! read it. sorry for being so wordy. i have several diseases.
Pt1. gregor is the type to try and get along at least decently with everyone, especially if he gets a good first impression from them.
this is less a point in favor of gregor's distance w/ the rest of the sinners and more just a contributing factor to it. once again there's several examples i could point to here but i think the most in your face one happened in canto I with yuri, as several people have pointed out. even before gregor comes clean about growing attached to her as quickly as he did because she reminds him of his sister, we get this interaction.
i'll go ahead and make the disclaimer now that i don't necessarily think gregor is the most reliable of narrators, especially when it comes to his feelings and interactions with most people, but from the way he acts when the topic of yuri comes up (and the way we still see him act even all the way up to c7, nearly a whole year after yuri's death) i don't see reason to question his sentiment here. gregor immediately got that aya and yuri were close, potentially even taking note of their traded belts, and went out of his way to get something nice for yuri despite hardly knowing her.
i feel like a lot of people have forgotten as much, especially since it's been so long since c1, but gregor actually spent a good bit of season 1 doing the exact same thing with the other sinners! gregor reads a connection between him and ishmael pretty quickly despite getting off to a rocky start
mostly because gregor can tell that ishmael is pretty sardonic in a very similar way to him. there's been multiple instances where ishmael and gregor have essentially expressed the same sentiment at different moments, most notably gregor's little argument after ishmael got shot with a decay ampule in c4
and ishmael's response to pilot talking about self-sacrifice in c5
i could go ahead and pull up more examples, but in general pm has gone out of their way to show us that gregor and ishmael are pretty similar, so it makes sense for gregor to assume that they're friends, right?
this will be pushpin 1. keep note of this for Later.
ishmael's only the first sinner we see gregor trying to do this with in s1, we also see him try it out with heathcliff, sinclair, and ryoushuu
he's tried to get along with charon, being one of very few sinners that we've seen actually try to establish a connection with her at all
even rodya, despite my insistence that gregor doesn't like her nearly as much as the fandom thinks he does
all of these seem pretty fine and dandy, right? sure it frequently leans towards self-degradation, micromanaging, and commiseration, but gregor can at least be pretty chummy with most of the sinners, can't he?
Pt2. hell's chicken was more than just comic relief guys please
i'm fully aware that this is quite the hot take, but i think hell's chicken deserves a lot more credit for character writing than the fandom gives it. hell's chicken gave us foreshadowing for several events, such as the donqui bloodfiend reveal
heathcliff's distortion in c6 (as well as hong lu's highly speculated distortion at some point in the future)
and ryoushuu and sinclair's continued connection by making him the odd one out on her team
which, hey! that implies something about gregor's odd one out, don quixote, too, doesn't it? yes. yes it does. that's pushpin 2. keep note of that for later.
speaking of pushpins, hey! that's pushpin 1!
splitting into teams is one of the major events in hell's chicken, and most of the sinner's choices are either motivated by very little, backhanded, or motivated primarily by not wanting to be on the opposite leader's side. i didn't include all of the picks, just because i feel like including most of them already gets this across, but i think gregor took one major thing from this: most of the sinners, when push comes to shove, will only side with gregor when they refuse to or can't take his opponent's side.
now, don't get me wrong, i'm fully aware that this is primarily intended to be comedic relief, but when gregor is being described as having his trust broken by ishmael or nearly crying because no one on his team properly sided with him for him, i feel like it's pretty fair to read into this.
something that i think is pretty important to remember in conjunction with this is that we know that gregor is the type to hold a grudge, both from his general attitude towards the G corp soldiers in c1 as well as his continued distaste for vergilius
even beyond the splitting into teams of hell's chicken, the sinners have given gregor plenty of reasons to feel bitter. i feel like this is something people have noticed but haven't really put a finger on, but it's kind of wild just how often the rest of the sinners make gregor the butt of the joke
and sure, we could argue that a fair few of these aren't really made with any ill intent. quite a bit of it could have been meant as harmless teasing, but with gregor being more sensitive than most, it coming from nearly all sides, and as often as it does? yeah, i think he's prone to taking it a bit personally.
Pt3. yes i do still think gregor was the third most important character in canto VII you guys gotta hear me out okay
of course, all of this leads up to the bit of the story i highlighted, doesn't it? c7? i totally get why people haven't really picked up on all the gregor things i did in it, seeing as they were mostly not *directly* said about him or by him.
personally, i think that gregor's distaste for talking about himself on any serious level and thus leading to him getting sort of "sidelined" narratively (which i take issue with that claim, but still. it's effective for getting what i mean across atm) is supposed to lead players to take a deeper look at the times gregor gets held up to other characters and compare and contrast what's being said about them by the matchup. as i showed earlier with his immediate latching onto ishmael, i think this is something gregor himself is at least partially aware of too.
so, that begs the question, who was gregor compared to in canto VII that makes me think it's one of the most critical pieces in understanding his character?
really, i'd like to avoid getting too lost in the analysis of this canto specifically, since i'd like to do a proper post about this later, but i figure i can bury the lede a little before doing it properly.
c7 features several characters being made to perform in sansón's play, acting out the relevant backstory for this segment of the plot. a lot of these characters have rather direct, degrading reasons for playing the roles they do.
outis, a character with an inflated ego who wants her journey to have a purpose, is made to play an aimlessly wandering villager with a single line.
hong lu and ryoushuu, two characters for whom families and the expectations placed upon them are likely going to play a major role, are made to play bloodfiends.
rodya, a character who resents her lot in life and is constantly shown to be eager to leave her destitution behind her and become someone special, is made to play a helpless villager that's too poor to even offer any money to the hero that saves her.
heathcliff, a character that has spent most of his life getting dehumanized by comparing him to beastly animals, is made to play a literal bear whose sole purpose in the plot is to get beat up and then quickly left by the wayside.
sinclair, a character that has two opposed parties essentially treating him as a macguffin to procure for their side, is made to play the character who was arguably the catalyst for this entire canto, not to mention playing a decently major role in ruina.
our star don quixote is made to play her father, the first kindred, but there's someone by their side the entire time, isn't there? don quixote's dear, steadfastly loyal companion. a character which don quixote has tasked themself with getting to come out of their shell?
hello again, pushpin 2.
gregor has been made to play our unreachable star, sancho. someone had to, of course. you can't really tell a story without it's main character, now can you?
now, i should once again give a disclaimer. i am not trying to say that i think adapting what happens to donqui/sancho in c7 to gregor is the road pm is going to take here, not only would that toe a bit past the line of foreshadowing, but it'd also just amount to rehashing that plotline again, which i don't think would make for a particularly exciting story.
what i DO think is that we can take a lot of the things that are said to either directly be the case for sancho and use them to inform how we see gregor.
and god, does playing sancho have some fucking implications for our favorite ossan archetype.
starting off, the earliest moment we get to see of sancho is quite literally her just waiting for death to take her in a pile of ashes.
which, i should remind everyone, is actually pretty damn close to what happens to gregor's literary counterpart at the end of the metamorphosis. gregor samsa experiences one final breaking point that pushes him over the edge and makes him decide to just wait for starvation to take him.
gregor and sancho both consider themselves to no longer be human, something which sancho goes out of her way to highlight repeatedly throughout the canto and gregor is quick to get defensive on her behalf for when outis starts really tearing into her
sancho spends quite a lot of this story denying herself the joys of community and friendship, despite knowing that, even with the rest of the sinners frequently making jokes at her expense and outright insulting her, they were things that she desperately craved.
and, while this is getting into my "outis is a red herring meant to distract us from gregor's eventual betrayal" theorizing, i also think it's worth noting for this discussion that sancho's fellow kindreds, her family, all seem to be under the impression that she dislikes them and ultimately her departure was an act of betrayal
and that, despite gregor being one of LCB's resident mood makers and attempted conflict de-escalators, one of the sinners that's most prone to making appeals to the bonds they've all forged together, only him and faust remained silent during everyone's speech
so yeah, i think there's quite a lot of little details and hints building up to the reveal that gregor's not quite as fond of everyone as he presents himself to be. i do think a lot of this ultimately comes down to gregor getting in the way of his own happiness, similarly to donqui, particularly because he's been frequently portrayed as something of a self fulfilling prophecy, especially by giving him as many christ allegories as they have by way of priest and garden of thorns. gregor is convinced that the rest of the sinners don't like him because he's not convinced anyone could like him, so he convinces himself that he hates them because why should he care if someone that he hates hates him too?
a lot of this ultimately ties back to my personal interpretation of what happens in the metamorphosis as well as my own theories regarding all the times gregor has made weird callbacks and references to lobcorp and ruina, but yeah. i think about this guy and his deeper characterization a fairly normal amount, i think.
to end this off i'll highlight one of my favorite little "gregor is fucking seething and trying so hard to keep it cool" moments, in the credits CG for c7 we see rodya teasing him by drawing a little horse on his window and actively pointing and laughing at it, which gregor really doesn't seem all too pleased about.
i personally think this ties into the other cruel part of sansón forcing gregor to play rocinante, which is the more literal "he's actually just straight up playing rocinante" side of things. gregor was quite literally made to play something less than human, less than even animal really, as he was reduced to nothing more than the shoes don quixote wore as she got to play the leading role. sansón directly makes jokes about gregor being nothing more than shoes in the play twice, which adds to this reading, i think.
this, imo, really plays into the adaptation of the metamorphosis! i've seen a lot of readings for the book that posit that, despite being the protagonist, gregor samsa can't really be considered the main character due to nearly everything he experiences in it being used to further his family's character development at his expense, which i think fits nicely with limbus gregor seemingly having the most said about him through indirect means by holding him up to other characters. also it's rodya carelessly making fun of His Big Major Insecurities™ again like she did in c1 which i always find fun. rodya i love you but god you're the worst.
#beargregor's property#limbus company#project moon#lcb gregor#something to bear in mind#beargregor's analysis#beargregor's theories#do i bother tagging both of those i feel like i do#oh also.#long post#sorry guys i promised i would try and stay brief when i set out to respond to this ask and before i knew it seven hours passed#my bad#does this give me normal gregor fan cred#i'm fully preparing myself to be screenshotted and posted to twitter or reddit with people making fun of my reading of him but idrc honestl#also i'm really hoping that LCB regular check up has donqui actually like#confront gregor about the fact that he was playing her in sansón's plays#i've seen people insinuate that any deeper reading to the roles they got in them is doing too much#and while i really don't agree with that just due to how much sansón fit the roles to be as cruel as possible to their sinners#i do think at the very bare minimum that the comparisons drawn between gregor and sancho are Very Intentional#despite gregor's supposed lack of proper Deep character moments people love to claim i really do think that we know a lot about him#significantly more than people think we do#just because so much of it has been told to us indirectly or has this aspect of plausible deniability to it#just due to gregor being the way he is#a lot of these smaller subtler details in his proper main writing get highlighted more in his IDs and EGO#like gregor's pettiness and grudge holding in AEDD or the aforementioned self-fulfilling prophecy-ness of priest and garden of thorns#anyway. that's it. gregor is fat by the way did i mention that. also very hairy. refer to my url for more details.#ignore how i just can't shut up about him i promise i'm normal. i promise it's over i can rant about him more another day. i swear.
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Tigran: launching into a story about a time when he was 7 and watched a guy get eaten alive by dogs, completely unprompted and unnervingly blasé about the whole thing.
Etsushir: not listening, warming his hands over the nightly allotment of yams, smoking.
Palo: this is the tenth time he's heard this story, not listening, wondering whether Etsushir is smoking tobacco and where the hell he got it and can he have some?
#Lore:#Tigran has kind of a psychological fixation on people being eaten by dogs. Which is rooted in childhood trauma but it's hard#to tell because he loves dogs and always seems weirdly enthused by the whole concept.#More lore:#They're cooking on a dry dung fire which is very common in the region in general- largely grassland and savannah. Most of the#formerly wooded areas are deforested both on a long scale due to the drying climate and on a short scale of human use.#Wood is a valuable commodity and grown in agricultural regions and harvested with coppicing or otherwise imported by sea.#The northeast has an intact forest that hasn't been widely exploited due to distance from urban centers and impracticality of#transport over land and that's pretty much it.#The Highlands also retain woodlands within the interior but the formerly surrounding forests have been heavily exploited#(due to proximity to major rivers) and were fully wiped out within the past century.#The fact that cremation is the default and expected funerary practice and also used in most sacrificial offerings heavily#contributes (cattle and khait dung is allowable for these purposes due to the animals' sacred status but not considered preferable).#(associated with lower class funerals)#Anyway bottom line dry dung is going to be what the majority of people use for everyday fuel needs and also what pretty#much everyone on the pilgrimage is using (which the wealthier members are unaccommodated to but these guys are)#etsushir#tigran otto#palo apolynnon#the white calf
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Kinda in regards to the Empress & BodyGuard 2-
Is Zaphira (sorry if I spelled her name wrong) an elf or do humans have pointed ears in your universe? If no elves, how do the pointed ears happen? Are there different length of ears and if so do they mean somethin?
Love your art & use of colours!
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Thank you! and thank you for asking! (this sketch took me way too long .. and the colors still look washed out on my desktop screen but im not editing a third time ..)
Zaphira is human, there are no elves, as such, in this world, though humans tend to live longer than IRL and have differently shaped ears-
the shapes are rather diverse (example above) and culturally (so far) they have no significance, they are merely a trait just like different nose shapes or fantasy hair colors
the worldbuilding reason is that these are extremely diluted demonic influences- in the past demons were frequently in the human world, though largely in secret/disguised, and long time exposure to demonic presences can have varying effects, the most immediate and common being a longer life or wounds healing faster than normal; there might have been other long time effects but the only trait that stayed even after their disappearance is the ear shapes
(there was a mass extinction event of demons that wiped out all above a certain age, since demons generally dont die of natural causes their life neither depends nor revolves around reproduction so there were extremely few left and those were too young to keep most of their knowledge and culture alive, as they rarely wrote anything down; Shargon is of the current oldest generation and witnessed it happen, just like most now adult demons, Thor and Eadrya are both a bit older than him and thus the oldest living demons, which doesnt mean much considering the technically endless lifespans of them)
and to explain me including Shargon in a human appearance- hes the only demon that spends as much time in the human world as at home, largely to escape the others since they are not interested in going there and would otherwise attack him any chance they get (the human world is rather uncomfortable for demons to be in and they have better things to do than to chase him that far), while hes generally very weak compared to them, something he is very good at is shape shifting, mainly the speed of which, being able to shift between full demon and the smaller more humanoid form extremely quickly, or even mid forms that are a mix of both - even in motion! while for the others it takes them quite a bit and forces them to stop which is the main reason he keeps escaping them not able to keep up with his rapid shape shifting (though it does take its toll .. also a reason hes so skinny)
he is the first (only?) one that at some point will learn how to shift into a much more human looking one (depicted in the sketch) too, but its rather dangerous since it involves supressing and compressing his demon heart and system... which is what keeps demons alive (its somewhat like holding your breath for way too long) so the only time he would make use of it is in extreme situations, like avoiding detection by maschines that can pick up demonic energy or escaping shackles made of celestial silver (which drains their energy and can scar/hurt them permanently, like silver to vampires(?werewolfs?) in a way)
....the point is that if he shifts into a human form he has very long ears, meaning that is basically the extreme form that doesnt occur in humans and hints at the origins for those ear shapes being demonic exposure in the past
#ganondoodles#art#original characters#original art#oc#ocs#oc lore#man i cant ever keep it short can i#its 1am again ............#welll i hope that answers your question njdflndflnjlsd#also as a sidenote- zaphira and midas are siblings but not biologically#she was adopted into the royal family and is good chunk older than midas as he was born a while after shes been there#he was supposed to take the throne after their parents died in an allegedly accidental fire but he was like ... 6 at the time#and begged her to take up the throne instead despite the people not being very fond of her due to her agressive nature#.... which was proven correct in a way given she waged war for many years after taking up the crown#(.. bc she found out their parents were killed by a neighbouring country and the fire placed to get rid of traces)#(no one but her and a few officials knew of that being the real reason she attacked that country and not just a lust for power)#(midas still doesnt know -even now)#( though it got out of control and she ended up taking over multiple countries .. hence her title)#(after her wife died she swore to never engage in war again and been spending the last .. 20?30? years trying to repair the damage she did)#just adding that again bc its kinda central to her entire problem of everyone and their grandmother wanting her dead#and her being determined to do as much as she can before midas has to take over and pick up the pieces#..............though none of it goes as planned of course#ANYWAY i need sleep#sorry for the long text spam#i cant help but yap about my special lil guys
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Hey Macaque, how does the shadow lantern work?
MASTER POST
Asks Start 💜🩷
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#lego monkie kid#lego monkie kid fanart#monkie kid#monkie kid fanart#lmk#lmk fanart#lmk macaque#monkie kid macaque#blue and violet#sorry this took so long to answer#I've just been quite busy over the past day or so#all the way back in Interlude there was a whole thing about the shadow lantern and Macaque trying to figure out what it was#deep down Macaque is still confused about it in the present day#because he still doesn't know its true function or capabilities#the lantern is just a silly little thing#at least Macaque has it back now#due to the Mayor being quite nice and giving it back to him
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"now, doesn't that look nice?" [insp]
#*chanting* skask skask skask skask-#vincent aurelius lin#adamandi#hello. let's talk about what's going on here! i've been tossing the idea about here wrt skin translucency ever since that post came out#(it's linked above fyi. but to quote it.) 'attempting to pursue this unachievable white ideal of the young academic; maybe leading to gory#representations of mimicry; replacement; taking on someone else's skin; altering the self'#this is primarily key in vincent and the skask; in the actual show iirc they used a jockey mask or smth? but i was thinking about the#delightful way skin is semi-transparent. and so a literal layer of skin alone would be unlikely to provide the whiteness pursued-#the under layer of the original tone would be there. so smth about the failure and unattainable.#additionally; at this point of the show the skin would have been likely yellowing or greying due to post-mortem development? so even more#Not white. from observations (as a kid;comparing skin tones?) white people have a pinker undertone (this might be. a generalisation but.)#here the lighting is yellowish to further push the difference + give the super harsh lighting that if you suspend disbelief has some hair#appear as blonde to further the ambrose-ness.#also the hair- messier on the non-ambrose side; a reference to the whole monologue about the haircuts they got#we bring to you also another episode of <i like drawing fabric folds> in the jacket symbolism! from bottom right to top left; it tracks#vincent throughout act two: the initial long jacket for standing out (nonchalance?) at ardess is removed; the yellow coat is put on- aided#here by ambrose's ghost which is represented by the hand! (it is very very slightly transparent- you can see the jacket pattern through it)#(if you look close) and then the satchel goes over it; this mimics the clothes in <oh ms reporter>#and then the Actual Ambrose jacket goes above along with the skask; following the outfit from the pyre scene at the end.#the spark/star thing is partially foreshadowing for the upcoming stabby eye trauma thing (@quincy) and partially just so i could highlight#the eye of the mask/ the place where vincent's eye probably is Behind the mask. because i liked the idea of merging faces; intersection.#back to the translucency of skin - you can kind of make out where the rest of his face is from the darker bit? aka it's not the same colour#as the skask. smth smth limited effectiveness...#tldr? face skin. jacket skin. altering appearance over time; unfeasibleness#when i was doing this i suddenly remembered covering my skin in talcum powder as a kid... hm. i'd forgotten about that.#anyways! when i posted my first ever adamandi thing i had the thought of 'this musical makes me want to paint' and surreally enough#that has proved to be so so true. and ngl i am really enjoying it? love it when the motivation to create is there haha#i will add as a disclaimer that i'm literally chinese and if the colours look off.. i did not mean to make a caricature. please be nice#that said because stage lighting tends to shift colours about a Lot i essentially used my own skin as a reference under yellow light?#so hopefully that checks out. <disappears>
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clenches fist. finally sucked it up and ordered a new ipad...
#i splurged a tiny bit and got one with... one whole fucking tb of storage#my current one has 64gb#it is due for an update and i literally cannot fucking update it lmao i dont have the space#im running out of things i can delete. i literally have procreate and thats IT i have long ago deleted all other apps for the space#i mean i am still getting. like. a refurbed ipad thats like gen 3 or whatever its certainly not NEW#what am i the queen?#but considering i currently have a gen 1 i could literally get anything and it'd be a hell of an upgrade#i have enough money saved up from comms/patreon/kofi/etc on my paypal that i could literally purchase this w/o touching my bank acct#so like! if you have at any point over the past like six months donated subscribed or commissioned me!!! THANK YOU!!!!!#you have allowed me to afford a new ipad and continue making things ; w ;#and hopefully finally get to try out procreate dreams which i havent been able to touch yet fhrfrhf32fe#I REALLY WANNA TRY TO MAKE AN ANIMATIC FOR YALL.....#i thought abt asking for one for xmas but i dont want to wait and it would be a V expensive gift to ask for and also like#id rather just pick one out myself... than rely on my family picking out smth... so... you know. timing is what it is whatever#XMAS GIFT TO MYSELF#personal#txt posts
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me when tumblr recommends me someone defending dr3 in the tags and i read through the entire thing and get mad bc they don't understand what brainwashing really is.
#'brainwashing has been a staple of the series for a long time' they say (mostly talking about mind control)#mind control in the fictional sense not the real world sense btw#magical/technological means of instantly controlling ones thoughts#the video in dr0? yeah. brainwashing. they were watching it ON FUCKING LOOP over and over to the point of desensitizing themselves#they were already vulnerable to start with as well. it was fucking conditioning them. not controlling them directly – brainwashing them#the monokuma kids? DIRECT MIND CONTROL#THEY ARE WEARING FUCKING HELMETS ON THEIR HEADS AND HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THEMSELVES OR THEIR AUTONOMY#THAT IS NOT BRAINWASHING!! THAT IS FUCKING!! PUPPETEERING THEM#they brought up smthn in the togami book. never read that but apparently there's a book that spreads despair disease#(info gotten from unreliable source in the book)#tbh it's probably propaganda to help despair spread better#it doesn't have to be fucking literal#also despair disease... if it is anything like dr2... IS NOT BRAINWASHING#IT JUST FUCKIN TAKES OVER THEIR BODY/OVERRIDES THEIR PERSONALITY AUTOMATICALLY#IT'S A MIND ALTERING ILLNESS???#NOT!! BRAINWASHING!!#and then of course saying brainwashing in dr3 is the natural conclusion and that it doesn't retcon anything#AND I AGREE BRAINWASHING IS THE NATURAL CONCLUSION. BUT DR3 DIDN'T DO THAT#it just fucking... made them flip a switch out of nowhere?#MIKAN SAID SHE BECAME THE WAY SHE DID DUE TO HER RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS#NOT BC SHE WATCHED SILLY DESPAIR VIDEO#to use magic subliminal messaging to INSTANTLY change the way someone thinks isn't brainwashing in your typical sense. that's mind control#let's define brainwashing shall we?#a method for systematically changing attitudes or altering beliefs#originated in totalitarian countries#especially through the use of torture— drugs— or psychological-stress techniques#or perhaps this one:#any method of controlled systematic indoctrination especially one based on repetition and confusion#REPEATED TORTURE. REPEATED WATCHING OF THINGS#**REPETITION IS KEY**
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my gay son
#aka filet crochet that took me 9 months to complete#this is not new he has been in the closet for about four years. hes auite heavy as well so ive not worn him very often.#anyway to me he's not really a scarf he's just a big old rectangle to me#and the blocking on this is actually sooo bad bc as u may be able to tell that thing is gigantic and i ran out of black thread and the stor#where i bought it way on summer break so i bought black thread somewhere else and i thought it was the same yarn weight but it was ever so#slightly thicker so the last ~10 rows are really wavy. thats issue no 1 the second problem with the hugeness was that i just had nowhere i#could block it on so i mcgyvered a solution which was a wool blanket tucked over my sheets and i blocked it on there and i wore my#bathing suit to sit on it to block bc it didnt work any other way. and then come night time of course it was still wet (even tho i pointed#blowdryer at it for so long that the blowdryer switched off by itself due some child safety mechanism) and i had to take it off my bed so i#could sleep on it. so yes the blocking is a bit wonky#crochet#mine
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So is a long winded text at 1am a good way of coming out to your parents?
#trans#mindris speaks#i already did this by the way#couldn't work up the nerve to start that conversation in person due to anxiety#(which might possibly be the clinical kind since my brother has that)#so I ended up opting for this#i'm not really afraid of their reaction#they're both progressive#I just naturally got anxious over the whole idea of starting that conversation#and it's almost been a week so I figured I might as well#also by long winded I mean like#multiple paragraphs#maybe should have made it an email in hindsight#anyway enough rambling#going to put some category tags now#trans woman#trans girl#coming out#rambling in the tags#1am posting#right that's all#going to try to get to sleep soon#night all#transfem
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i kept joking about fire emblem while reading danmaca
#idolish7#danmaca#to be so real i wasn't expecting gaku and ryuu's characters to be at all involved with each other but. wow. chasewin#anyways danmaca would make a crazy good and absolutely awful to play fe game#like imagine with me here. arme. unique class whose class skill is like “deal 5 damage to all units in the adjacent 24 tiles every turn”#and also his stats suck and if he gets defeated it's a game over#and since you're probably playing from rebellion's pov most of the time you only get up to 4 playable characters at a time. including arme#who can't really fight. and also passively harms allies#anyways it's also really funny how similar arme is to corrin. like. sheltered and never allowed to leave the church/castle. good and pure i#a way that moves others. enamored with the outside world. the central point of the conflict. has a childhood friend who cares more about#their friendship than they do. can't control their powers and harms someone they care about due to it. the place they were raised is evil#been talking a lot about arme when he's not even in the post. really long tags ramble also. anyways
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probably shld do something with myself today before I fall deeper into Wallowing
#bee blabs#after shadamytober I think I might need time to recover#this has simultaneously been the best and worst thing for my health#I've met some incredible people !!!#I've gotten to write things I otherwise wouldn't have !!#but I feel so crappy every time I post sumn#and then I go doubting my ability as an artist#due to numbers and lack of approval ???#like who am I ??#I need to get over myself#maybe a break would do me some good idk#but not too long bc I'll need to start that shadamy secret santa thing#plus the 20 other things I probably should be doing in its place
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I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care
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I think about this line so much
ougghh found family trope how i love you so
#ash rambles 💚#like a flowing wind 🔳#his relationship with s.eonhee is my favorite thing ever. they're so cute! i like how loyal he is to her adjkahds he's like her guard dog#and i love how he's the first one to tell her to get up when she bows to the party in that one scene. he loves her and cares for her so much#and I'm glad the game says that they're more like siblings than a boss and her subordinate because they're so much deeper than that#they're really amazing. and s.eonhee is delightful too! my crush on her is gone now but she's very nice to my s/i and often tells j.oongi to#take time off work and go spend time with ash since she can tell that's what he wants.#she's the first one who could tell that j.oongi had a crush on ash and has been our number 1 fan since day one!#the first person who noticed that ash had a crush was The Bartender. he noticed the longing glances and the soft smiles before#even ash knew that she was in love with j.oongi#though the pictures of them on shopping sprees and S.eonhee making J.oongi carry all her bags#+ making him fan her while at the beach is very funny ajdhwjdh. poor guy- i.chiban wasnt far off when he made the butler comparison#I'm so glad that j.oongi has a family and friends now. his childhood was... rough. his father...#i will crawl down to hell myself just to beat his ass for what he did to his son#on another note. cramps.. shark week... hnggghh... If Ash ever needs medicine or a pad or something and doesn't have one on her#she usually just asks S.aeko but. I hc that J.oongi always carries around some menstrual products + painkillers wherever he goes#because of S.eonhee. and i think that's really cute#so if ash is ever feeling shitty he's got that shit on lock!!!!!!#speaking of. i need to lock in. i have a paper due tonight on a book....... I'm five pages in.#alright. time to throw my phone to the other side of the room and lock in until i fall over-#see ya on the other side!
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how do you cut someone off
#like without drifting apart gradually bc tbh i dont wanna be close friends anymore#i feel constantly misunderstood and perpetually weighed down in this person's presence#we're close friends but i dont even like her anymore#and i feel BAD about it but i just cant stand their ass! everything feels like a competition with them. everything feels miserable.#it's definitely partially my own fault bc i do a lot of comparing due to our laundry list of similarities#but it's partially their fault bc shes always adding fuel to the fire#like we can never just agree on things#and whenever i try to balance myself and stop being so competitive here she comes with her damn#need to make even more comparisons between us#also like. they cannot just shut up about how hard life is#Trust me i know! i take 3 pills daily for psychological issues. i have been since i was 18#like they always have to talk about how haaaaard having ADHD is how difficult their life is like#it's one thing to open up to your friends and vent every so often and another to make your illness your entire personality#i rant about all my issues in depth on tumblr BECAUSE i know better than to dump all that onto my friends who are already struggling#im not saying it's Trauma Dumping to talk abt ur problems but holy shit in moderation#like i dont have the mental or emotional capacity for this!!!!#that might sound really mean and god forbid extremely individualistic but it's truly because#im trying to HEAL im trying to RECOVER#and with someone constantly messaging me about their ailments and symptoms and struggles! well it makes me feel like we're both bound to be#stuck foreverrrr#also apart from that i dont enjoy their company. they used to be interesting and now they're just negative half the time if not more and#constantly playing the devils advocate for seemingly no real reason#im not perfect either in fact i can be a real asshole in friendship im aware. but this one particular friend has been pissing me off for#over a year and that has to mean something#like why now and why for this long?#if it really is a Me Problem then okay! like i fucking suck im horrible or whatever lets not be friends so that she can be happier!#idgaf anymore maybe im the bad guy but either way we're better off apart#z.post
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why..... am i still awake......... coughs like i dieying
#thistle.txt#i mean my cough has gotten better. winning. somewhat. but i have been up the past 28? hours? which isnt ideal?#i dont know i kinda dont know numbers right now maybe its been longer.. i dont know......#just been very antsy due to thinking about the characters too hard for too long. i dont know why it odes that to me.#i have to think about NOVEL INTERESTING THINGS to survive. & well there havent been many interesting things to think about#kinda just like mold & spores figuratively...#caught a glimpse of whats going on at sment & closed my eyes. ahh... horrible horrible. not good stuff over there. not good.#oh my god. dpr in one month. shaky breath. they better not put any fucking lame songs on the setlist!!!!!!!!!!#fuckk i think rome did mood at that one concert last year i hope he does it again#tried to think of a song i dont want him to put on the setlist & couldnt find one. really? surely theres one#i thought there was a song on miito i didnt like as much....? hm. oh well more good music for me#maybe it was avalon but like so long as it doesnt take the spot of a song i REALLY like im fine w avalon. its not bad#& its hard to be mad at music once im seeing it live#now live........... well alli ahve to say is he should release more music some time. maybe. think about it.#not to be ungrateful or anything.#fuck my voice is like SHOT shot i forgot i cant speak at any kind of high pitch rn..... well i do like the deeper voice lip bite emoji..#i have no reason to talk out loud though good night
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TODAY THE DAY!!!!! 🎉🎊
#chewys notes#killbot 86#today the day this post was made#Killbot 86 appreciation day!!!#ill be honest when i say that i dont exactly have anything planned for it#i thought about making a new art piece#but it didn't work out and i got upset#but i say say one thing tho#he's genuinely one of the most underrated characters in this show#The fact he's could be a potential s3 antagonist due to his huge influence on peeper and Sylvia is crazy#he has such a unique & cool ass design as a robots#I been hyperfixing on this mf for like 7 months now#not has long as anyone's for my previous interests before but god damn this mf came to me#and i loved him since#I even made a robot oc myself just to paired him with and show his loving affection toward him#secretly one of the best characters in this show and y'all sleeping on him fr#appreaciation post#woy#wander over yonder
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