#I love community notes sometimes
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I’m losing it over the community note.
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Thinking about waiting for Ghost to be ready for a relationship (kind of continued from this post
(Kinda angsty, self doubt/depreciating thoughts)
When you ask 'What are we?', he panics. He doesn't know. He isn't ready to be a boyfriend, to meet your parents, to open up about his life-
His internal monolog is interrupted by your hand on top of his own. He hadn't realized how anxious he must have appeared- sweaty, hands trembling, shallow breaths, the works. He felt like he was being strangled, and all of this was over a simple question. Why did he ever think he could do this?
You tell him it's okay. You tell him you don't need an answer now if he's not ready. You say that you're fine with the way things are, and if he isn't ready to move forward yet, you'll wait for him.
You tell him you'll always love him regardless.
The world might as well have stopped spinning, because you love him?
He wants to tell you he loves you too, but he's scared. He's still waiting for you to leave. For him to lose feelings. For this to all have been a huge waste of time, or for you to realize you deserve better as soon as he confesses how he really feels.
For a split second, he thinks about leaving. About ghosting you. Maybe even breaking up with you- but that would require him to admit there was something there in the first place. It felt like you had snaked your way around his heart and were squeezing with all your might.
God, he couldn't imagine himself without you. He felt like a fool, naive and childish all over again. Why were you so patient with him? Couldn't you see there was something rotting inside of him?
Once again, he's dragged out of his mind by your presence. You look worried. He can't fathom why you would be worried about him. Nonetheless, he squeezes your hand in return. A simple gesture, but it means the world to you. You know he's trying. You know he's fighting with himself and losing half the battles.
You're determined to win the war.
#*sigh*#I think he'd accidentally be a little bit toxic at times#You won't get proper answers or communication for a long ass time#But he really does love you#He just doesn't know how to do all of *this* yet#He's a complicated guy#So much trauma fucking with the way he sees the world (and you)#And autism can make communication/understanding cues difficult sometimes#I think a relationship with him would be challenging and rocky at first#But you'll get there eventually#simon riley x reader#ghost x reader#ghost x gn reader#gn!reader#simon ghost riley x reader#Mmm this would be great as a fic but all my wips are still rotting in my notes app#Just wanna throw this out there ig
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well... how abouuuttt "why dont you ever listen to me?" with a ghoul of your choice, maybe the other ghoul is mad at dew, or maybe dew is upset, maybe because hes been trying to communicate that hes struggling ajd the others havent picked up on it, and he just wants it to stop. idk im not that good at coming up with prompts on the spot but i hope this is a good enough idea!! 🤷
Hi it’s been ….. we aren’t going to talk about how long it’s been.
But I hope you enjoy, yall seem to love when I give Dew problems (don’t worry I love it too)
Slapping aether in here because it hurts
Anyways, cirrus makes a joke, dew needs a hug and aether is a very supportive boyfriend
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Dew doesn’t know when it began to bother him.
He sat on the couch nonchalantly watching some horror movie cirrus had thrown on. The exorcist? He doesn’t know, he doesn’t think he really cares.
“Careful cir, you’ll give him nightmares” aether teased
“He is the nightmare” cirrus rolled her eyes in a response, a playful smile at her lips. It was a joke.
His chest feels hollow as aether ruffles his hair. Something about it didn’t feel right. A normal quip that would have him saying something stupid in response, or simply giving her the finger, suddenly didn’t have the same feeling to it.
He swallowed heavy, the salvia only added to the pit in his stomach.
It’s a gross feeling, something between knowing he’s overreacting and wanting to cry at the thought that they actually think he’s a nuisance. Both are untrue, the logical part in his brain tries to convince him but it doesn’t stop the tears that sting in the back of his eyes, the flush in his face or the way his head feels like it’s full of starch.
It was a joke.
He’s overreacting, he’s certain of it but he can’t stop himself from getting up and walking away without his usual banter.
“Dew? What’s up?” Aether calls after him, following him into the bathroom.
Dew shakes his head to save his dignity. His voice will shake and crack, he knows if he even tries to say he’s ok a sob will rack his body and he won’t be able to contain himself anymore.
He’s embarrassed because he’s overreacting and he’s clutching the sink as aether puts a supportive hand on his back but it feels patronizing because he knows he’s overreacting and he’s-
“Did we say something?”
Dew sobs. Quick, choked off like it wasn’t supposed to come out because it wasn’t. Because he’s overreacting and he shouldn’t be acting like this. Because it was a joke and he’s making a scene because he can’t help but overthink everything.
“Dew, it was a joke” aether embraces him, lightly to not overwhelm him, but he can’t leave him like this. Dew barely lets go of his vice grip on the counter top to let aether pull him into himself. “She didn’t mean it, we thought you liked jokes like that”
He doesn’t. He’s said that.
Dew shakes his head and pushes away from aether enough to speak.
The crack in his voice makes him wince as he chokes and gasps the sobs back to try and get out what he’s saying without being a complete mess, but it’s pathetic anyways, he feels like a child. The way aether stares in concern makes him feel like a petulant toddler throwing a fit.
“I can’t stand them anymore. I’ve said this”
“Have you?” Aether asks, genuinely. The fact that he’s being genuine almost makes it hurt more. He wishes aether would just let him be dramatic and leave him alone.
“Why don’t you ever listen to me?” Dew all but wails. He’s louder than he means to be, another sob ringing out in the middle of his sentence. Aether looks confused and concerned, like dew has actually lost it this time, over a joke no less.
“I am, I am listening to you droplet, tell me what’s wrong”
It feels patronizing, dew knows aethers not trying to be but the frustration builds anyways.
“I’m tired aeth, I’m tired of you all acting like you hate me. No one ever acts like they genuinely like or want to be around me and it’s fucking heart wrenching” dew cries
“Water bug you know i-“ aether shakes his head, remorseful.
“No, aether you don’t understand. You all keep saying you hate me. It stings. I don’t know what to do I don’t understand why I’m the only one not worthy of kindness” dew clings to aethers shirt like if he lets go aether will disappear and stop listening to him.
“Dewdrop I’m sorry I didn’t know-“
“Stop please just - I don’t get it” dew sobs. He leans his head into aethers shirt, fist fulls of fabric brought up to his face as aether embraces him tightly.
Dew just weeps, a dam of emotions he can’t bare to vocalize comes out in tearful pleas instead.
“I don’t get it. I’m sorry. Please listen I’m sorry. I don’t understand” the demands come out in choked off cries, forceful sounds racking his small frame as aether hugs him tightly to try and get him to stop shaking.
Aether lowers them to the floor, holds dew in his lap and tries to soothe him.
“You’re not being dramatic, I’m sorry. We love you so much and I’m sorry we don’t say that” aether whispers into his hair.
Dew starts to quiet down as aether traces shapes into his back, the distraction well needed. He clings and listens and tries to focus on whatever aether is dragging into his skin with the tip of his fingers.
“So sorry waterbug, you’re ok, I love you so much. You’ve done nothing wrong”
Dew realizes what the shapes are.
He’s tracing hearts into his back.
#time to give dew pain again#I’m sorry man idk. love that thing but consider: I give him all my problems#also the important note of no one’s in the wrong here#sometimes communication is hard and so are emotions#aether would die for him ok? so would cirrus#the band ghost#ghost#fanfic#nameless ghouls#ghost bc#wrath writes#dewdrop ghoul#aether ghoul#angst
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oh fuck I got class swap fabian I think. I kiiinda know what I want him to look like now
#not art#for the record he's a rogue. and he has avoidance problem which I think is pretty much canon lmao he just does it with more flourish#bill and hallariel have not actually seen his face for like years at the point of freshman year despite living in the same house#they communicate through leaving notes around for each others (bill and hallariel vs fabian specifically. bill and hallariel still talk lma#and bill kinda walks around talking out loud so fabian can hear. he and hallariel leave the registrations out on the kitchen counter#for fabian to pick up before freshman year. to be fair to bill he does tick rogue courses for fabian rather than fighter#and also leave him a flintlock pistol along with that#to undo that he comes to jail to yell at fabian when the bad kids get caught. specifically because he wants to rile fabian up#but also a bit because he's mad the first time fabian doesn't escape is from literal jail#(fabian Can break out but he doesn't bc he wouldn't be able to bring his friends with) (I also don't approve this but kid's like 16)#anyways to come back to design I just realized while walking outside today I would love to give fabian cloaks n ponchos#cones. a lot of flowy fabrics. journey style kind of#gotta figure out what a high schooler would actually wear with that general silhouette lol. but thats the direction#and sometimes that really is the most important part. once u got the direction u can start experimenting#exciting! I look forward to messing around with this
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I'm about halfway to two thirds through You Feel It Just Below the Ribs, and asdjasdlkajsadjal
The reveals, the implications, I can't even - mentally I'm rolling on the floor frothing at the mouth. I want to go back and listen to season 3 and season 1 all over again, holy shiiiiit
#viv18chatter#within the wires#you feel it just below the ribs#bless my library for having such a great collection#did not expect to find a book written for an alternative history podcast in its repertoire#but have it they did! all three versions I might add - physical digital and audio#anyways point is shit is really coming out now and I am loving the fictional tea#both from the ''actual'' autobiography and the side implications of the footnotes and interludes#well in between wanting to shake the fictional authors of said footnotes and interludes lol#''edited for clarity'' edited HOW? Was the writing smudged or otherwise unclear and you made your best guess?#did you change words around that YOU thought didn't make sense?#TELL ME WHAT WAS EDITED DAMMIT#and that's not even getting into the VERY opinionated footnotes and interludes#I know it would be expensive and tricky to make#but man I would love if the authors were able to make a special edition of this book#that looked like the actual manuscript#or like ... the one that was released in-universe that was being beta'd by the publishers - so we see the handwritten pages with smudges#the faded typewriter pages#with the publishers notes etc all over it#oooh stretch goal of the internal communications while going over the manuscript would prbably be a fun aside too#sometimes I wonder if there weren't multiple people making footnotes (though only one making the interludes I think)#because sometimes they vary quite wildly in tone#that could just be situational of course#but still#interesting thoughts
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It still does not compute in my head that they killed off Tech
#look here he is riot racing! here’s a potential love interest! look at him pushing for them to rescue crosshair! nevermind he’s dead#i still don’t know how i feel about it#i’m rewatching the season rn and i think there’s a decent amount of evidence that he’s going to live#but at the same time. the riot racing epsiode and the moments with phee just make me feel a bit 😕 now#like really. really!!#they ended it on such a weird note it’s so..especially the stuff with phee#they clearly have some communication issues they’re in an awkward place where they don’t quite understand each other yet#and then it’s just…not going to go anywhere#iirc dbb mentioned something about negotiating relationships but sometimes it just doesn’t work out. he’s dead though#idk i do like techphee but having them not work out and just be friends would be a much more satisfying resolution#than ‘oops he’s dead lol’#this is very rambly and i haven’t had coffee yet so i don’t know if this makes any sense i apologise
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here’s what i think the birthdays are of everyone in the study group (and how i came to my conclusions)
troy: december 4th 1989
this is canon. easy
jeff: november 20th 1974
had to do some digging for this one. in s2e15 we see jeff’s drivers license, which lists his birthday as 11-20-1971. in G.I. Jeff (s5e11) it’s shown again, but his thumb is covering the exact year because ‘71 is now wrong. since he’s turning 40 in 2014 he would’ve been born in ‘74. nice save on the animators’ part. The episode aired on april 3rd but I guess it takes place in november, the time frame of s5 is really up in the air.
abed: march 24th 1989
for his birth date i just used the air date of his birthday episode. the year was tricky bc there’s debate about his age but here’s my reasoning. we know he’s at least 21 in mixology certification. we can assume he’s around the same age as troy and annie just bc it would be weird if he wasn’t. like also in season 1 jeff and britta are compared to his parents, and that would be weird if he was nearly as old as them. so i decided he’s turning 22 in critical film studies which means he’s 20 when he starts college. this makes sense because like troy, he had to repeat a grade in elementary school (1st grade- robin vohlers says this in s2e17), and then he probably waited a year before going to greendale just because. he’s drinking (slightly) underage in communication studies. so yeah long story short he’s basically the same age as troy. can you tell i’ve thought about this a lot
britta: october 14th 1980
in the pilot abed says she’s 28 years old, birthday in october. I decided she has the same birthday as me bc why not. she gives libra energy
annie: december 30th 1990
ok this was kind of the hardest one here bc at first her birthday made no sense. she’s 18 in season 1, 19 in season 2 as of mixology certification. but we also know she was born in 1990. (she says these 2 things in like the same scene.) so for that to work her birthday has to be in that window between december 4th and 31st. i decided she’s a capricorn which kinda makes sense (i don’t really put too much stock into zodiac signs, but it’s fun to consider with this stuff)
shirley: june 1972
we never see shirley or annie’s birthdays mentioned or celebrated so it makes sense for them to be over school breaks. and gemini works for shirley. i don’t think she ever has an exact age in the show but I decided she’s about 2 years older than jeff, 37 when the show starts.
pierce: late november 1944
bro he’s so old. in mixology certification he says his birthday was last week. and at the end of season 1 he’s “66, dick.”
#INSANE COMMUNITY NERD POST#also this is just my opinion! you dont need to take this as canon or anything#i just love being able to celebrate characters bdays so sometimes i make them up#ive had this sitting in my notes app for a while#i also have a lot more stuff like this in there that i might inflict on ppl#community#community nbc
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I got an email from my grandpa today and all the draft responses I’ve been working on in my head sound like an 18th century letter that’s going to have to travel for months to reach him.
pandemic year 5 really has me feeling like me and a very small handful of people I know are living on an entirely different plane of existence than everyone else
#like I haven’t seen him in over a year. I’ve seen him 3 times since 2020#so I guess on the isolation and slow communication front it’s pretty similar#he used my chosen name. I haven’t changed my email yet but he used my chosen name#I don’t even care at this point if he never gets my pronouns right#I thought I’d never be able to tell him. I didn’t want to find out his politics were more important#he’s quiet and kind and he gives people expensive gifts any time he can afford it but he constantly forgets people’s allergies#so he might get you something you can’t have but whoever you pass it along to will love it#he cries at weddings and during church services and sometimes random holidays#he passes out in his rocking chair at every family function#he’s the unofficial photographer of every gathering ever since my great grandfather stopped being able to walk as much as the job requires#and he voted for trump in 2016 and has afaik an active nra membership#he once complimented my outfit by telling me he’d call me a stud if I was a guy#which like. ok. I have some notes#but uh. thanks?#idk I’m just. it sucks being so far away from everyone and everything because the rest of the world is ignoring an ongoing pandemic#I’m missing so much of my life and others lives and even parts of my own transition#I can make steps to reach out but it only goes so far if poeple#are unwilling to mask or vaccinate or even just ask what needs to happen to make it safe#so I don’t. idk. kill my partner#or become even more disabled than I currently am#my family’s been making steps and they’re taking me seriously but it’s all so slow and I’m still sore from bracing for rejection#I’ve been bracing for rejection for so so long it’s terrifying to reach out. about anything#this is not condusive to a healthy relationship lol#not sure what to do other than bonk myself on the head and say ‘get better’ tho#*bonk* ‘try again’#one step at a time ig#ahshitherewegoagain.jpg#.txt
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just know that i take a screenshot of majority of the tags that you leave on my art bc seeing you guys being impacted by what i do and knowing that i make your day better leaves me with a huge goofy smile on my face
#sometimes i see ppl with the most beautiful art and they tell me how much my art impacted them positively and im like 'WHAT'#its just cool to hear that i leave a positive impact on ppl#ppl tell me that i deserve more notes and followers and i understand why they feel this way but im genuinely content with where i am at-#-this moment.#i dont want to have a gigantic following but i cant deny that it would be nice if i got more notes.#i just really like having this tight knit community that i can interact and talk with about the things i love#anyways i love it when you guys interact with me and i genuinely encourage you to ask for stuff or requests cus thats cool !!!!!!#i like knowing about the things you love and drawing them for others is so special to me !!#gah i started rambling#rambles ig#ty again my friend moots and followers
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hey! can we see your playthrough notes?
You absolutely can! A lot of them have made it into my posts in one way or another, so it probably won't be a lot thoughts people haven't seen before, but I'm happy to share! It's definitely fun to look back on now that I know more about the game. These notes were intended just for me to organize my thoughts so they might not make a lot of sense to other people, or be phrased in the best possible way. Also TW for a self harm mention
I hope it's everything you hoped for lol
#disco elysium#love how my notes go back and forth between first second and third person to talk about Harry#self harm tw#some of the phrasing here is weird#like the way I talked about Kim once kinda made it sound like I liked him *because* he handled racism stoically and that's not true at all#in my first playthrough I immediately pushed over the pale emitter instead of talking to Ruby so you can see me being shocked by some fairl#basic plot points in the second playthrough lol#I'm not going to fix the spelling mistakes it adds to the vibe#i also started but didn't complete the communism quest in my first playthrough#the tribunal really caught me by surprise ok!!#I also wanted to wait until after my third playthrough to look at fandom stuff to avoid spoilers but then I didn't#and I still haven't finished my third playthrough!!#it gets mentioned in the notes but sometimes when I hyperfixate on something hard enough I get afraid to engage with it because I don't wan#to 'ruin' it#I'll finish my third playthrough eventually
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tears in my eyes the reception to this fest has been so so heartwarming and we're still going strong!! all this beauty being posted every day!!! you are all incredible 😭
#when seb said to remember these days because there's no guarantee they'll last forever.....#sorry just thinking about my own imminent exit with so many feelings#like if this. if this is the last thing i do for this fandom then at least i will have left on a good and loving note#literally tearing up and sniffling this community is the best. it's the worst sometimes but it's also the best
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about to be sooo nosy so. my apologies. but. morgan frost? girlfriend? do share (or don’t! again this is so nosy i’m sorry)
for legal purposes i can neither confirm nor deny anything about morgan and his girlfriend but afaik i think he’s single right now? at one point (within the past four years 😭) he did for sure have a girlfriend and that is the extent of my wag knowledge
#anon PLEASE i am the nosiest person in the world i understand i want to know everything. ever. however#because i have no evidence and don’t want to spread unfounded rumors i will state for the jury i am not a gossip blog#& anything i say should be taken with a grain of salt. or a vsco deep dive & also maybe a dig into the flyers media archives. wrt UNfounded#but i will gossip in your dms because it’s a vital method of communication and important for community building.#also i’m like 95% sure i just osmosed the fact that morgan and his girlfriend broke up sometime earlier in the hockey season from someone#else (probably flyerskay) and accepted it at face value like absolutely i’d trust kay with my life. she would never lie to me and therefore#i can’t be lying to you. i can’t remember morgan’s gf’s name tho but i can like. vividly remember her artsy possessive vsco photos 😭 help#that man posts more about tom petty than he does anyone else in his life besides joel so really how would we know if hes posted her less#the answer is we wouldn’t and i want to say her name is katie SO bad but i know that’s tyson’s gf it’s like. victoria or stacie or somethin#& i want to see if SHE deleted all her vsco pictures of him bc that’s how we’d know they broke up. frosty stop following so many girls#i want to try and find her and see (she’s a model and she was public and had her vsco linked so all of this is public info btw.)#ANON I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA OANDJRIWNDHOWHDB IT IS 1:38 AM AND I HAVE JUST MANAGED. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD ANON HOLD ON#BUCKLE YOURSELF THE FUCK IN FOR AN ANSWER YOU DID NOT ASK FOR BECAUSE THIS IS A R I D E AND I NEED TO YELL ABOUT IT I CAN’T MY GOD I CANNOT#B R E A T H E i’m about to start crying again but the backstory is that. i have had a fic that i have been working on for literal years.#my version history says March 15 2021 and it started in my notes app about 3000 words before that and it’s based off of a tweet i thought#calla had quoted and just said ‘Joel’ about but in my notes i never#saved the actual tweet and many times throughout the years i have gone back and advanced searched every version of joel and joelle and bee#and behavior on calla’s blog that i could possibly think of and just assumed like. it must’ve gotten deleted or the account suspended and i#could never remember the wording well enough to just google it but believe me i tried and put in every variation. never found it in 4 years#i try periodically. fast forward to about twenty minutes ago i am looking through kay’s twitter and searching vsco because i SWEAR she has#the picture of frosty’s gf’s fingernail marks in the back of frosty’s shoulders i am talking about / I can’t find her vsco linked anywhere#but i’m like ok. search up a couple other things and think about who might have it and on a WHIM look up vsco in ash notthequiettype’s acct#no results okay whatever i think about what else could maybe pull it up for me so I have SOMETHING for you. I search frosty. I scroll. GUES#WHAT I FUCKING FIND FROM NOVEMBER 13TH 2020 it is THE FANTASTIC TWEET THAT SPAWNED 16K OF NOTES & FIC & A SPREADSHEET OF JOEL’S CLASSES#AND I NEVER WOULD’VE FOUND IT AGAIN IF NOT FOR THIS!!! LOSING IT!!! by it I mean my mind and my sleep schedule!!! it’s 2AM now good night!!#liv in the replies#morgan frost#philadephia flyers
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metropolis soundtrack makes me want to drop to the floor and writhe in agony
#in a good way#god i love the metropolis community#but sometimes i hate being the only person (that i know of) that knows music like i do#and i can't properly communicate exactly how i feel about the soundtrack#like aaah. notes on page. gibberish to most people#if i could i'd teach ppl how to read music. but i don't quite know how#you heard it from pie
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on this exact day, last year, maybe around this time of day, i checked my 'to watch' anime list, and next up was bungou stray dogs. i read the little synopsis of the show, thought it sounded interesting and pressed play on ep1 s1. i will never regret that decision.
all the fun i've had writing on this blog, reblogging everyone else's artworks and fun takes on the show, the great pieces of literature i was eager to learn about because of the show, the friends i've made from the show, and that i love and hold very dear? thanks asagiri. i owe you one
#this anime genuinely means the world to me#i can't believe it's been a YEAR since i first began watching#a whole year has passed already??#my goodness#anyways#this shit sappy as hell but you know#sometimes its gotta be sappy#shoutout jaya/maeve/sewer rat/geo/kim/darl/jester/koko/anna/cheese/whoever else my brain won't allow me to remember the name of#i love you all#also on another note we've hit 900! yippee yippee#thank you all so much for everything. the requests and encouragement and community and everything else#i appreciate it more than you know
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I think my roots are showing/ these guitar chords certainly are/ I am and have always been a bass player's daughter/ the notes don't go up very far/ we make the same faces most of the time/ but my hair usually covers mine/ the lowest of lows are what we call high/ but even for us the sun shines
#little poem for me and my dad bc I'm trying to decide which new paramore song to send him with a little text that says#''I found you a cool new bass line!'' because that's how we communicate.#I've never stuck with an instrument very long myself (though I love piano and need to practice more) but I Know the bass lines he'll go for#(I'd also love to learn electric guitar someday. he's got a bass 6 that's so cool I love it so much. low notes go brrrr)#Lu rambles#Lu writes#sometimes i think i could write poetry#<- that's my poetry tag not me being self-deprecating sjdjdjdkfnsj
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can't help thinking about what a blow this is gonna be for gifsets and fanart and fanfics and all other fan-made stuff which are ALREADY getting less and less notes and reblogs
like awesome, now you'll post something and no one's even gonna see it? GREAT idea tumblr thank you
#maybe i ought to go ahead and post all my drafts now#it's frustrating because i love making stuff#but im not gonna spend hours on something only for it to get 2 notes you know?#AND HOW DARE YOU REMOVE MULTIPLE REBLOGS WHEN THE POINT IS TO SEE WHAT STUFF MY MUTUALS ARE SAYING IN THE TAGS HELLO????????#also i might miss a post the first or second or third time and won't notice it until someone puts it on my dash for the 5th time#AND I DO SELF-REBLOGS FOR A FUCKING REASON#SO PEOPLE WHO WEREN'T ONLINE CAN SEE SHIT NOW MAYBE#ALSO people add their own insights and comments sometimes#this is all so ridiculous#NOT TO MENTION i want to see what my mutuals are posting in real time because i wanna be able to communicate with them???#like if someone has a question or something it's gonna be completely pointless for me to see that 9 hours later you know what i mean?#TUMBLR ISN'T HARD TO USE YOU'RE JUST MONEY-HUNGRY#shut up sissi
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