#this is very rambly and i haven’t had coffee yet so i don’t know if this makes any sense i apologise

[echojedis]

It still does not compute in my head that they killed off Tech

[emmasbrain]

Miscommunication (the fun kind)

Part 1 | Part 2

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Warnings: slight alcohol consumption? i think that’s all, nothing NSFW in this one

Synopsis: Your good friend Penelope sees you in a bar and begs you to sit with her and her work friends. You realise you like one. She also realises you like one. She however, thinks you like the wrong one.

The moment Penelope spotted you, she gasped. “Oh my god!” You spun round on your seat on the bar towards her running over to you in unrunnable heels, a brilliant smile gracing her face and a surprised one falling to yours as you saw each other.

“Penelope?” You hopped off your bar stool and pulled her into a hug. “It’s been too long darlin’. I feel like we haven’t seen each other in years.” You gushed, definitely over exaggerating your circumstances.

“Didn’t we go for coffee last Thursday?” She giggles, and you see the familiar glint in her eye that she only got after a couple of margaritas.

“Like I said, years!” You giggled right back, and she held your hands, leaning in towards you more.

“Who are you here with?” She questioned, looking around.

You shrugged casually, “I came with some girls from work, but they all left with guys and I decided to drink my loneliness away… Except I haven’t actually had a drink yet because I’ve been sitting here debating whether I really want to drink alone.” Your words, though holding a little weight, came out with a laugh and a self deprecating sigh.

Penelope gave you a look, and you knew she was brewing something. “What if… you come sit with us?” Before you can ask questions or protest, she continues, “You know I’ve always wanted to introduce you to the team, which is who I’m here with, and it would be good for you too ‘cus it means you can drink not on your own.” She gives you puppy dog eyes, and clasps her hands together waiting for your answer.

You relent, deciding the sooner you had an interaction with her FBI friends the sooner it was over. You had heard some things, and they seemed lovely, but they were her friends and you had the feeling you wouldn’t be very welcome with your job as a journalist. “Okay fine, but you can’t mention my job. I don’t want them to hate me on the first impression.”

“It’s okay they know, I told them ages ago about what you do. Alright you stay here, I’ll go tell them and then I can introduce you.” She was practically buzzing, so excited you could see it in the air around her. She shuffled away happily, and came back to drag you over a moment later.

As you approached the group, she introduced you in order of where they sat around the table. “That’s JJ, Derek, David, Hotch, Emily, and Spencer. Everybody, this is my friend Y/N.” She smiles all big and goofy and then scrunches up her face in disappointment. “There’s no chairs left.”

You take this as an opportunity. “Well, I suppose that means I should g-“

“Here, you can have mine. I’ll grab one from over there.” Spencer quickly finds a solution, standing to walk over to an unused table and fetch another chair. You follow him with your eyes as he lifts it over. Doctor Spencer Reid. Penelope had mentioned the man on multiple occasions. Ever the problem solver, you gathered from her ramblings on the things he would do and say.

Penelope sits in the chair between JJ and Derek, and the latter lets his arm rest on Penelope’s shoulders. As you sit down in Spencer’s sacrificed chair, he pulls another one in between you and JJ, and you both awkwardly smile at each other before you look down to your hands in your lap. “Thank you.” You whisper to him.

“What for?” He whispers back.

“The chair.” You mumble, and he nods.

“It’s no problem.”

“Okay, I say we get some drinks. How bout it, pretty girl?” Derek's words snap you from your awkwardness, and you smile, realising he’s given you a nickname already.

“I am in dire need of a beer.” You reply, and Emily looks at you from your right.

“Beer, huh? I woulda coined you for a vodka redbull kinda girl. All for the thrills.” She looks at you with a smirk and you shake your head with a giggle.

“I’m normally a whiskey kinda girl actually, I get that from my parents. I only very rarely drink vodka, it just makes me want to make out with people.” The embarrassment soaks in the moment the words come out of your mouth and you realise you’ve just told a group of behavioural analysts that vodka makes you horny.

“Alcohol oftentimes does have the effect of making you sexually confident and can heighten feelings of affection and make you more open to try things sexually. One could assume that your specific set of hormones are just more affected by the chemicals in vodka in comparison to other alcohols.” Spencer pulls his lips into a straight line, and you giggle at his readily available information. Penelope wasn’t joking.

“Thanks, Doc.” You bump his shoulder, and he looks a little confused but mumbles a “No problem” anyway. As he looks away towards Derek and Penelope, you take the chance to study his features discreetly. The angle of his jaw perfectly contrasts the softness of his eyes, the honey brown colour almost sparkling within the dim lighting of the bar. His cheeks are tinged pink from the currently inaudible teasing from Derek, and there’s a little smile on his lips that you could almost envision yourself kissing.

Derek breaks you out of your head a second time. “Hey pretty girl, you wanna go get those drinks now?” He flashes you a grin and you smile, nodding.

“Yea let’s do it. Does everyone know what they want?” As you’re trying to split everyone’s orders between you and Derek, Penelope gives you a look that says “do you have the hots for my friend?” and you give her a look back that says “maybe..” she gasps and the whole table turns to look at her, making her realise that she’d turned the conversation into an out loud one now.

“You know what? Us girls can handle those drinks, Derek. Why don’t you have a seat.” She drags you up to the bar and orders quickly before she forgets, and then whips round to face you.

“You like him. I saw it on your face. You like him!!” She whisper shouts and you glance back to Derek and Spencer hunched over the table chatting. You smile.

“Look at him! Of course I like him, who wouldn’t like him? He’s simultaneously cute and hot and I swear men aren’t supposed to work like that.” You whisper shout back at her, and her smiles sadly.

“I wish I could set you up, but he’s taken. And his girlfriend is amazing so I can’t even be mad about it.” She sighs, and you slightly deflate.

“Oh man, I can’t believe the first time in years that I actually want a guy he’s taken. Just my luck, I suppose.” You laugh, and grab the drinks that have been sat on the bar. “Well, it was nice while it lasted.” You shrug your shoulders and head back over to the table with her, handing everyone their drinks and sitting back next to Spencer to sip your own.

After an hour or so, conversation was going a tad dry, and you decided to use an old icebreaker your college roommate had taught you to get things flowing again. “Okay, one after the other I want everyone to tell the group something embarrassing. It can be anything, as long as it’s about you.” Everyone nods in agreement, and Derek starts.

“There was this one time I was flirting with a girl while I was out with my mom. Now that was my first mistake, my mom comes over and starts talkin to this girl askin if she’s my girlfriend. I said momma I’ve only just met her, and she said ‘well then you better hurry up, this girl is far too beautiful for you to pass up’. Before I could even speak, the girl says ‘I think you’re too beautiful to pass up’. She was talkin to my mom! And I just thought hey maybe she’s just tryna get on moms good side, you know? You win over mom, you win over me. But then she spent 10 minutes flirting with my mother until I had to drag her away. My mom will not stop bringing it up just to mock me.”

Spencer cracked up beside you at the story, and you couldn't help laughing a little with him.

Penelope pipes in, “Tell them when this happened.” He grimaces.

“Last year.” He barely says it loud enough to hear, but you all catch it and it sends you all into a fit of laughter.

Rossi reminisces about the time he proposed to one of his ex wives, and she said no. In public. Then later in the day said yes, telling him she just wanted to embarrass him the way his public proposal had embarrassed her.

Hotch talks of the time he finished work early and decided to pick up Jack from school. The teacher had asked him if he was Jack’s grandfather, and he had to explain that he most definitely was not.

“I once hugged my friend from behind to tell her goodbye at a party. It wasn’t my friend.” Is all Emily gives for details. She grimaces at the sheer memory of it, and you can’t help the little smile that graces your lips.

“My turn then?” You question the group, and they nod. “I probably should’ve used this time to think of what I was gonna say. Well I suppose I’ll use the only one that’s currently present in my mind,” You turn to face Spencer, “I was gonna ask you out before Penelope had to drag me away and tell me you were taken. Which was slightly embarrassing for me in the moment, but as I’m saying this I realise I’ve just embarrassed myself even more.” You nod through your internal pain at how stupid you felt, and took a deep breath before trying to move on. Spencer looked too taken aback to let that happen.

“You were gonna ask me out? And Penelope told you I was in a relationship? Why would she do that?” He looks plain confused now, and you mirror his expression.

“I never told you Spencer was in a relationship. I told you Derek was in a relationship, because I thought he was the friend you said you liked! Wait. So when you said he was hot you meant Spencer?” Now even Penelope looked confused, although not exactly for the same reason you were.

“Yes! Of course I meant Spencer! No offence Derek, you’re lovely but you’re not my type.” You rushed, giving him a sheepish smile.

“And I am?” Spencer speaks again.

“Pretty much yea.” The smile he gives you at your words makes you look away nervously.

“So what you mean is that if you hadn’t been told I was taken I could have went on a date with you?” He’s looking inquisitively at your face now, tracing for signs of a lie as he waits for you to respond.

“You still could go on a date with me.” You suggest, with a little shrug and a smile that reaches your eyes.

“I’d like that.” He nods, slightly enthusiastic but trying to play it cool.

“Me too.” You nod with him. “I should probably be heading home, I have work I still need to catch up on. But I could give you my number and you could take me to your favourite place or something. Somewhere I can get to know you just from looking around.” You suggest, gathering your things and scribbling your number down on a spare napkin.

“That sounds good- great. That sounds great.” His eyes are filled with a mixture of excitement and something else you’re not sure about, but the look on his face makes you smile.

“Call me then.” You nod finally, getting up to leave. You give everyone their goodbyes, hugging them all lightly and giving Spencer a little wave.

Over the next few days the anticipation of his call is almost overwhelming. And when your phone begins to ring, an unfamiliar number popping up on the screen, you bite your nail before clicking the answer button. “Hello?”

“Hi.”

A/N: I don’t actually really like this, but it’s fine. I wanna do a part two, someone tell me to do a part two plsplsplspls. (May rewrite this once i’m not jet lagged and cramming it between studying but idk)

[girlgrouptrash101]

Yunjin (Lesserafim) - New York, New York

Request: "Glad to see that you’re back! May I request a fluffy yunjin fic where they explore New York together? It could be in yunjin’s home city or New York City!! Everything else is up to you, I’ll appreciate anything honestly ahhaha ty" Word Count: 1,531 Warnings: N/A A/N: a christmas fic after christmas? how dare i...

- C

It had been a long time since you had travelled outside of Korea, all thanks to work, those pesky bills that needed paying every month, and all those other fun responsibilities of daily life. Adulthood was simply keeping you so occupied that the thoughts of vacationing abroad had not crossed your mind in a very long time. With Christmas soon approaching, you were just looking forward to some downtime with your girlfriend, Yunjin, and perhaps a glass of wine or two.

Surely nothing could be better than that, right?

Or so you thought.

It was a cold evening outside, your breath lingering in front of you as you made your way to your apartment block. Your eyebrows were furrowed as you moved along the sidewalk, deep in concentration to avoid stepping on any slippery patches that would have you falling over. Once you finally made it inside the lobby doors, you made a beeline for the elevator that would quickly whisk you up to your apartment door and into the warm embrace of your beloved girlfriend, Yunjin.

The red-headed girl in question was waiting nervously in your apartment, side-eying the red envelope she had left sitting on the kitchen counter earlier. It was your guys’ second Christmas together, and the first where you both were able to get time off, and she wanted to make it special. However, knowing you were looking forward to a quiet Christmas at home, she was worried the gift wouldn’t go down well.

Yunjin’s thoughts were cut short when she heard your key in the door, her smile reaching her eyes as she saw you. She opened her arms wide for you to fall into, her arms rubbing up and down the back of your long winter coat as she tried her best to warm you up. After greeting each other and catching up on all the happenings of the day, Yunjin finally moved to hand you the red envelope. Before she let it go completely, she let all of her worries spill from her lips.

“Listen, baby, I don’t know if you’ll like the gift, and that’s totally okay! Just let me know and we can return everything, I just thought it would be a nice idea, but seriously if you don’t want to-“

“Jen.” You said shortly, cutting off her rambling. You didn’t need to say anymore as your eyes conveyed the rest of the ‘girl, I didn’t even open it yet’ message that you were relaying to her. With a smile playing on your lips, you carefully unsealed the envelope.

Your eyes widened as plane tickets fell out. Not just any plane tickets either, plane tickets to Yunjin’s hometown, New York. Before you could even thank her, your girlfriend began to mumble again.

“Again, baby, if you would prefer to just spend the holidays here-“

Anything else she had to say quickly escaped her mind as you kissed her. You were over the moon with the gift, excited to spend Christmas differently this year.

“Jen, darling, I love it. I am so excited, I already can’t wait to go!” You exclaimed, your arms looping around her neck as she held your waist tightly.

“Well that’s great news, considering our flight leaves tomorrow…” She replied, a sheepish look on her face as your eyes widened.

“Tomorrow! Jen I haven’t even done any laundry this week! Oh my god…”

And with that, you quickly ran to your room to get your things together, your girlfriend following behind you with a smile on her face, looking forward to all the memories you were soon to make together.

You found it hard to believe that just a day or two before you were finishing up the last of your work in your office before the holidays, and now you were here in New York with the love of your life. With a coffee in one hand and Yunjin’s hand in the other, you couldn’t imagine a better way to spend your Christmas.

You were especially relieved to see that Yunjin hadn’t forgotten anything about New York despite how long she’d been living in Korea. She brought you to all her favourite places in New York city on the first two days of your trip which had been amazing, (apart from the rats, of course). The restaurants, endless flashing lights, shopping, galleries, and everything had been truly amazing. You couldn’t help but feel like a princess as Yunjin took you everywhere and anywhere that she thought you’d like, and of course, every time she was right. How lucky you were to have a tour guide who knew you like the back of your hand, huh?

As Christmas eve rolled around, Yunjin decided to move away from New York city and towards her hometown, which was completely different to the hustle and bustle of busy city life. The calmness of the suburbs was something you felt grateful for.

After arriving at Yunjin’s family home and being introduced to her relatives, your girlfriend decided to take you out on an evening walk to show you around where she had grown up. Standing at the end of her driveway, you waited for her to finish tying her winter boots before walking down to you.

“Better wrap your scarf up love, it’s going to be a chilly one.” Yunjin said as she made her way towards you, already reaching for the ends of your scarf herself as she spoke. After wrapping the material around your face and neck and satisfied you’d be nice and toasty on your evening walk, she gave you a quick peck on your already reddening nose before interlacing your fingers and leading the way.

“So firstly, this, of course, is the street I grew up on.” She said matter-of-factly, a smile on her face as she looked at the rows of houses around her. “My best friend, Leah, used to live in that house over there. And scary neighbour Larry used to live in that green one over there!” She rambled, the memories of her childhood racing back to her as she retraced the steps along the familiar street that she used to walk everyday all those years ago.

“Scary neighbour huh? What made him scary?” You asked, the smile never leaving your face as Yunjin animatedly recounted stories from her joyful childhood.

“I’m sure as kids we found him much scarier than he was, but he was the kinda guy to keep any toys or stuff that accidentally landed in his yard. We never got anything back from him, no matter how nicely we asked! Pretty rude if you ask me.” She said playfully, squeezing your hand as she pulled you closer to her.

After a trip round the neighbourhood that brought you past the schools Yunjin attended, the park she used to play in with her friends, her favourite local store with the nice lady who used to give her free candy, and so much more, you finally recognised the street as the one where Yunjin’s house was. Knowing your walk was coming to an end soon, you stopped her with a tug on her hand, the soft hand that hadn’t left yours go for a second since the day she met you.

“Jen, I just wanted to say thank you for doing this. Like, showing me around, looking after me, even just bringing me here in the first place. Just, for everything. Thank you.” You said honestly, feeling a little shy as you looked down at your snow-covered boots.

“Y/N, you don’t ever have to thank me for anything. It should be the other way around you know. What would I do without you and the endless patience you have for me and my stories, eh? You know you can tell me to shut up if you need to.” She said jokingly. You laughed with her for a moment before speaking up again.

“No, Jen, honestly… like, I have never felt this way about anyone before. Being here, learning even more about you, I could never get tired of it. I want to know everything about you, love. I just want to be a part of all this, be a part of you and your life.” You said, looking her in the eyes. Yunjin was taken aback by your sincerity, it was a side of you that didn’t show often.

“Hearing that means so much, Y/N. I want to know everything about you too, and go everywhere with you, and experience life with you. I haven’t felt like this about anyone else either, you know? You really are my person.” She replied, that soft smile reaching her eyes again. If there was one thing that could always make you weak in the knees it was that damn smile. Not being able to hold back anymore, your hand finally left hers to cup her cheek, pulling her in for a soft kiss.

There was no one else who could make you feel the way she did.

In that moment, there was no one in the world that could have convinced you that Huh Yunjin wasn’t made to be your soulmate.

[souliebird]

hi!! i saw your Matt x Reader getting high idea and loved it, but i’m not big on posting my writing, i js do it for fun lol. but yeah here it is, not the exact idea but it was fun to write!!

“hey, you okay?”

“yeah.. yeah i’m fine. can’t sleep.”

your hands trembled slightly your whispers quivered. you had slept an average of four hours a night for the past two weeks, your anxiety had just been… very persistent. mind constantly running laps around worst-case scenarios.

you felt even worse about it because your boyfriend, matt, got an equally low amount of rest. and now you were waking him up with your worries. you put your face in your hands and let out a whine in frustration.

“baby it’s alright, s’ not your fault, kay?”

“i’m just so tired,” your whisper broke midair.

“i know, you’re gonna be alright,” and you believed him for a moment. he took you into his arms and held you tight, whispering reassurances in your ear, having an invisible battle with the volume of your own thoughts.

—————————

the next morning, you met your friend for coffee. you would’ve forgotten that you were supposed to meet her if matt hadn’t reminded you. he had acted energized in the morning, as to not make you feel bad, but you could tell he was tired.

“have you ever considered trying weed? for your sleeping problems?” your friend knew about your issues, and no, you hadn’t considered it.

“no, the smell is awful. you know how matt is about stuff like that,” you mindlessly sipped at your coffee. still not enough to make you feel energized in any way.

your friend shrugged, “well, i am a therapist. that shit works. i get it though,” and just like that the conversation ended, the subject changed. but you were desperate for a solution, and the idea stuck to the back of your brain just like the overwhelming exhaustion of past weeks.

—————————

“baby? what’s up?” matt’s head perked up when he heard your heartbeat, he stopped his braille reader and got up to greet you.

you kissed him back and some small fraction of the world’s weight was lifted for just a moment.

“foggy did like, weed in college, right?” you asked tentatively, matt seemed startled by the abrupt question.

“hey, i heard that! it was definitely a chapter,” foggy called from the other room, now involved in the discussion.

matt tilted his head at you, his way of silently asking a question. he may be charismatic in front of the clients and in court, but at heart, matt only spoke when he felt he had to. you enjoyed that you were one of the few who understood his secret little language of gestures. his head tilt said, “why do you ask?”

“y’know my friend? the therapist? she recommended it for my sleep,” you were still a tad unsure about the whole conversation, “i don’t know. i know you’re sensitive to smells, and i don’t love it either, but i just feel like i’ve tried everything—“

matt cut you off before you started rambling and spiraling, “sweetheart, slow down for a second. first of all, i shared a dorm with foggy, and we live in New York. it’s one of the few smells i barely even notice anymore. second, i know how much your anxiety affects you and your sleep, so if you want to try it, it’s completely fine,” matt rubbed a hand up ad down your arm soothingly.

foggy chimed in, “i still have some know-how from college,” and both you and matt chuckled.

—————————

through your therapist friend, you had gotten some low dose edibles. you hated the idea of smoking, plus this would reduce the smell.

you looked at the clock, 10:12 PM. you held one of the small gummies in your hand, unsure.

matt came into the bedroom from the living room, “how’s it going?”

“haven’t taken it yet. i guess i’m nervous, i never did anything like this in school,” you admitted.

matt paused for a long moment, making his way to sit next to you on the bed.

“…what if i took one too?” he smiled softly, eyes flitting around your face, trying to catch eye contact.

“really?” you felt like you were infringing upon his night enough already on a daily basis.

“it’s really no big deal, i got dragged to a few parties in college. he may not admit it now, but he was a full-on stoner. i probably got a little high just from the second-hand smoke,” he gave you that wide grin you loved, and you giggled.

“…okay. good to know i wasn’t the only goodie two shoes in school,” you smiled as you took a second gummy out of the bag and placed it in matt’s already outstretched palm, which he put in his mouth immediately.

you let out a confident sigh and ate yours, too.

matt sensed that your nerves were still present and squeezed your hand before getting up to do some work, “let me know when it kicks in,” he pecked you on the cheek before going to his laptop in the kitchen.

you just flopped onto your back and let yourself sink into the bed, checking your phone occasionally.

you looked at the clock again right before matt came back in, it was 10:30.

“hey, baby, i think i feel it,” you could tell from the way that his sentence trailed off that matt was definitely high. as you looked at him and felt a sense of pleasant unawareness you realized that you were too.

“same here,” you said as matt practically climbed onto you and spooned you for a few seconds before switching up and laying half on top of you, his arms around you as he breathed you in like a drug. much more powerful than some weed.

“mm my senses are a little duller… can’t block anything.. all of it is you,” he mumbled into your neck.

you felt the opposite. for the first time in a while, your thoughts silenced themselves.

“matt, i think m’ not worrying anymore,” you ran your fingers through his hair lightly. he had just told you that his senses were running amok, and you didn’t want him to get overwhelmed.

“foggy might’ve been into something in college—“ you felt his lips curl isn’t a smile against your neck, “i miss college sometimes. but also i don’t. felt like that was when i was the most blind, right? people treated me very blind. to be fair, i am blind. those glasses probably didn’t help. i like my glasses now. more mysterious. do you think they make me look mysterious?” he mumbled and rambled. you laughed.

“yes, matty, they make you look very mysterious. but i like your eyes without the glasses. a lot,” you admitted in your daze.

“mm, i only like when you see them. or foggy and karen. other people get uncomfortable cuz they can see i’m not looking. i can hear their heartbeats, it speeds up just a little for a bit when i first take off my glasses and then any time i try to look up. that doesn’t happen with you. i love your heartbeat, and how you are. i love you,” he kissed your neck and you felt your face heat up just a little bit. he pushed himself up and off of you with his arms on either side of your torso and kissed you gently but long on the lips.

“i love you too, murdock,” you whispered when he slowly pulled away. you immediately reattached your lips and made a mediocre effort to flip over and straddle matt.

his strong hands helped you, and you leaned down to kiss him, this time deepening the kiss. both of your kisses were slowed by the haze in your minds.

after being in one long, loving kiss for what could have been forever, you pulled away just slightly and realized how much you needed to take a proper breath.

matt chuckled at your panting.

“hi,” he whispered, almost inaudibly, and in those beautiful eyes of his was a look of pure adoration. you saw it in the lines next to his eyes, the way his eyebrows relaxed, and the way his now-wet lips quirked up at the ends.

you ran a hand through his hair, “hi to you too.”

you slid down to lay down next to him, and you both turned to face each other, kissing once more as his hand came up to hold your face.

eventually you found yourself laid between his two arms in a pure state of bliss.

you woke up the next morning more rested than you had been in months, not even remembering dozing off the night before.

Ahhhhhhh I hope it is okay to pay this but I absolutely love it!!!!

I love cuddly high Matt and I love the insight about his blindness and his glasses. 🩷 This is so sweet!!! Thank you so much for sharing this with me! I just want them to cuddle and have a Nice time.

[metalmonki]

The Dating Odyssey: Steve

Eddie Munson/Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington/Jim Hopper/Jonathan Byers x fem!reader

2.8k word count

fluff, idiot reader, reader who can't say no, choose your own adventure-ish

Part 1 / Eddie's Ending / Jim's Ending / Billy's Ending / Jonathan's Ending

 Sleep that night was a stranger to you. You tossed and turned nodding off only to be jerked back awake by the consequences of your actions. Before long the first light of day was breaking through your window. You decided to abandon sleep and instead start getting ready for work. You showered, dressed and collected the large pile of assignments before loading them into your car and driving to the school. You made it through the day by drinking copious amounts of coffee and plastering on the best fake smile you could manage. Making it home that night you abandoned all thoughts of food and went straight to bed. Yet once again in your quite apartment you were meet with the thoughts of the decision looming over you. Maybe the best solution was to leave Hawkins. Move somewhere new and try again after all isn’t that why you moved here in the first place, for a fresh start. You quickly abandoned that idea, you didn’t have the money and it was hard enough landing the teaching job in Hawkins let alone looking elsewhere.

And so you went another night with very little sleep. Your week went by at a snail’s pace. You thought you were doing a good job hiding your inner turmoil but apparently one particular student had noticed something was a miss with you and decided he needed to check in.

“Hi Miss Y/L/N I was just wondering if your okay you seem very distracted this week, I mean normally you laugh at all my jokes but you haven’t even laughed at one, I’ll admit some weren’t that funny, but I thought a few were pretty good” Dustin rambled standing in the doorway of your classroom

“I’m fine Dustin just some adult drama you don’t need to worry about” You smiled at the curly haired boy

“Is it to do with Steve?” Dustin pushed “Cause his like my best friend I can talk to him if you like”

“No it’s not Steve, but thank you Dustin”

“Well the offers there, see you next week Miss” Dustin smiled walking away

“See you next week” You smiled

You finished packing up your desk glad it was Friday and walk out to your car. In the parking lot you found Dustin, Lucas, Will and Mike goofing around with Eddie who looked like he was picking the boys up from school probably to go play Dungeons and Dragons. You wanted to hurry to your car to avoid being spotted by him. But you stared in the boys direction just a little too long. Eddie looked up from loading the boys into the back of his van just long enough to see you watching. He said something to the boys that you were too far away to hear before jogging over to you. You froze in place, wanting to run but your feet not allowing you to.

“Hi” Eddie smiled coming to a stop in front of you

“Hi Eddie” You gave a small smile back

“Uh oh someones not happy, kids give you hell?” Eddie chuckled

“Eddie” You looked to the ground “I…”

“Y/n whats the matter?” Eddie became serious

“I’m so sorry” You whispered

“What was that?” Eddie asked placing a hand on your elbow “I didn’t quite catch that”

“I’m sorry” You looked up at him

“Sorry? For what?” Eddies face was filled with worry and concern

“Last weekend…I loved our date I really did but I also went on a few other dates and now I don’t know what to do, I messed up and I don’t know what I’m suppose to do, I’m so sorry Eddie” You rambled a few tears escaping to run down your face

“Jesus H. Christ” Eddie turned away from you running a hand through his hair “How many other dates?” Eddie asked still facing away from you eyes closed

“4”

“4!” Eddie shouted turning to face you as he did “4 fucking dates and you didn’t think to at least have the decency to tell me”

“I wanted to but I was scared of this” You said

“Look I’m sorry” Eddie tried to calm down “I just thought a girl finally might give Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson a chance, I guess not”

Eddie stormed off back to his van while you stood in the parking lot and sobbed. You really had fucked up. You needed someone to comfort you right in that moment but at the same time you didn’t really know anyone here. You hoped into your car and decided to go find the one person you had been honest with right from the start. You drove the busy after school streets all the way to Family Video knowing today being Friday that Steve would be working. You walked in the doors looking immediately to the counter for Steve. But he wasn’t there. You began looking down the aisles hoping Steve was just out the back and would be back out soon. A woman you knew to be Robin soon came from out the back having heard the door chime.

“If your looking for Steve his not here” Robin walked over placing a few DVDs on the shelf.

“Is he home sick?” You asked

“I honestly have no clue. Mr Perfect called to take the week off for family reasons” Robin scoffed “Like we all don’t know his parents are rarely ever home and his never mentioned any other family”

“Oh okay well thank you Robin I guess I’ll be going” You managed a smile heading for the door

“If you see the dingus tell him he owes me for working all his shifts” Robin said

“I will” you chuckled

You made your way back to your car and began driving mindlessly around town. You had no clue what to do, no idea where to go. A small piece of you wanted to drive to Steves but you didn’t want to be a burden on him. You drove and debated with yourself on if you should go to Steves or not. It would seem that your unconscious mind made that decision for you because before you could process where you were driving you found yourself in front of Steves. You would have kept driving if it wasn’t for the fact that Steve was sitting on the front step having a smoke. He stood up and waved at you. You silently cursed as you pulled up in front of Steves house. You braced yourself and climbed out of your car and walked towards Steve. At some point between your car and Steve you had begun to shake. By the time you got to Steve you were completely sobbing. Steve pulled you into his arms, gently shushing you and rubbing small circles into your back.

You stayed like that for quite a while before you were able to compose yourself enough to move away from Steve. He guided you into his house, leading you to his lounge room where he had you sit on the lounge while he fetched you something to drink. Part of him was glad you had come to him, yet part of him was scared you where only here to tell him you had picked someone else over him. He came back into the lounge room carrying a glass of water which he handed off to you. Steve sat silently by your side as you sipped at your glass of water waiting for you to speak when you were ready.

“I think I really fucked up” You said after a short but comfortable silence

“Well you don’t say” Steve gave a small smile “What happened?”

“I told Eddie everything” You sighed

“Only Eddie?” Steve questioned

“Yep and given how he reacted I’m not sure I could tell anyone else”

“How did he reacted?” Steve asked

“He snapped at me, he screamed at me, he was very angry”

“Honestly knowing Eddie I’m not at all surprised that that’s how he choose to act”

“What am I suppose to do Steve?” You asked

“I can’t answer that I’m afraid, it’s your choice” Steve sighed running a hand through his hair

“I can’t make a choice Steve, I don’t know even know what I want but it certainly wasn’t this”

You began to sob, dropping your head into your hands. Steve pulled you into his arms. You rested your head on his chest while he rested his chin gently on top of your head. He began to rock the both of you slowly. He truly felt bad for you but at the same time he wanted to be selfish and tell you not to worry about the others and just choose him. But he knew he couldn’t do that, it wasn’t his choice to make. During Steve’s inner turmoil he missed the slowing and evening out of your breathing and the occasional hiccups you made. It wasn’t until he went to ask you if you wanted him to cook you both some dinner that he realised you had fallen asleep. The stress and panic had finally worn you down and you had passed out in the safety of Steves arms. Not wanting to wake you Steve pulled you onto his lap and stood up. He carried you upstairs to his room and place you on his bed. As he went to stand up you clung to his shirt as if he was your life line, your safety net to the situation you found yourself in. Steve tried several times albeit not very hard to get away from you. When he realised he wasn’t getting away from you he moved you further across his bed before joining you. He made a silent prayer to whatever possessed him to wear sweatpants instead of his normal tight jeans before pulling you close to him and falling asleep himself.

The next morning you woke up when sunlight filtered though a nearby window hitting you in your face. You blinked taking in the plaid walls and matching plaid curtains. You started to internally panic, how had you ended up in Steves bed? If you fell asleep why didn’t he just wake you? Better yet why was Steve holding you in his arms. You tried to keep your breathing calm as you attempted to free yourself from Steves arms. You placed a hand on Steves wrist that was currently draped over your waist and tried to slowly lift his arm up. You managed to successfully move his arm from your waist but as you went to move his arm to the bed you lost your grip. Steves arm came down on the bed with a thump startling the man awake. He groaned and you froze. Steve brought his arm up to his face and rubbed his eyes before looking at you. He gave you a half awake smile. In that moment something happened you weren’t quite expecting. Your heart started to race and you couldn’t help but smiled back.

“Morning” Steve yawned

“Good morning, uh, why am I in your bed?”

“Well I didn’t want to wake you up or risk you trying to drive home with how upset you were” Steve shrugged

“Okay and why are you in your bed with me?”

“That would be your fault” Steve smirked poking your nose “You refused to let me go so I had no choice but to stay, I was going to be a gentle man sleep on the floor again”

You started laughing at the absurdity of it all and pulled Steve’s blankets over your face. Steve quickly pulled the entire blanket away from you wrapping himself up like a burrito in the process. He gave you a big goofy grin from inside his burrito causing you to laugh even harder at the man.

“And this is for being the worlds worst blanket hog” Steve got out between his own laughter

Steve unwrapped himself before holding out a hand to you. You gladly accepted it. Steve pulled you from his bed and guided you down stairs to the kitchen where you took a seat at the kitchen island. Steve began running around the kitchen making you both a simple breakfast of bacon and eggs. He poured you a glass of orange juice which you took with a thank you. You sat in relative silence and watched the man work hard on making you both what your sure from previous experience would be an excellent breakfast. At one point Steve spilt some oil on the floor, waved it off and then almost immediately slipped on it. He landed with a thud directly on his butt. You couldn’t help but laugh at him even if he did seem a little mean. Steve quickly stood up and gave you the most over exaggerated look of betrayal. You tried to apologise between laughs but Steve just waved his arm around while saying he would never be able to forgive you. All in good fun of course no actual feelings where hurt. You found yourself deep in thought as Steve finished cooking the bacon and plating breakfast. Steve placed the plate of now ready bacon eggs in front of you. He took a seat beside you and began eating his breakfast. This seemed to bring you out of your head and cause you to start eating for your own food in response.

“So I feel like we need to talk about this situation” Steve said after taking a bite of a piece of bacon and swinging it around in the air

“Uh we’re two adults eating breakfast what is there to discuss?” You tried to avoid what you knew was coming “No y/n I mean this situation you’ve found yourself in” Steve sighed

“I really don’t know what to do” You sighed

“You can’t just avoid everyone forever”

“I’m not avoiding you”

“Y/n no that’s” Steve groaned in frustration

“What do you expected me to do Steve I screwed myself over is that what you want to hear?” You sighed

“You can say that again” Steve sighed “Look I can’t tell you what to do or who to choose and yes I know its hard and it would be easier if I made the decision for you but it doesn’t work that way I’m afraid”

 “Can I just have today and then I’ll make my decision tomorrow?” You asked

“Sure but I’m going to subject you to the worst romantic comedies I can find” Steve smirked moving to put his plate in the sink

After breakfast was finished the two of you moved to the lounge room where Steve quickly picked out Grease as the first of your movies. You settled down on the lounge while Steve went to get snacks and drinks. By the time he came back Danny and Sandy where in the middle of singing about summer love. You had left some space between you and Steve so as not to create any awkward situations. As the movie played on you could feel Steve looking at you. You turned to look at him and he quickly looked away. You shrugged it off and went back to the movie. Several more times during the movie you could feel Steves eyes on you but anytime you looked to him he would be back looking at the movie. Steve even started singing along to the movie at some point. Then as the final number started Steve stood to dance around.

“Come on y/n join me” Steve smiled grabbing your hand pulling you up from the lounge

Steve spun you around while you laughed your way through the song. As the song and the movie came to its close you found yourself in Steves arms smiling from ear to ear and trying to catch your breath. This was the man you wanted to began with. The guy you had basically been crushing on since you got to Hawkins. Would you really be happy with someone else knowing you never gave him the chance? You didn’t want him to be the one who got away.

“Steve I made my choice” You said

“Really? I thought you were going to wait until tomorrow?” He said getting nervous

“I was but I changed my mind” You shrugged

“Okay well what have you decided”

Rather then giving Steve an answer you grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him into a kiss. He was shocked at first but soon settled into the kiss. He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you flush against him. Your arms wrapped around his neck. You smiled into the kiss. He stole your breath away just like the first time you’d kissed. You pulled apart for air resting your forehead against his. This felt right. Steve felt right.

“So this mean your choosing me?” Steve asked

“No doy” you giggled

[bloodywickedlips]

Lessons and scars part 2

Hearing my alarm go off I groaned knowing I had to get up if I wanted to get to the convention on time. 30 minutes later I was showered and dressed, I grabbed my car keys and drove there, finding parking easily.

Showing my pass at the door I went in quickly and walked around, buying a few things I liked until I got to my favourite table. It wasn’t Halloween yet but this convention was held a month before and the current table I was at was a dedicated Tim Burton merch table.

I bought a few coffee cups and ended up buying a few figurines as well that I knew would go perfectly onto my shelves at home.

“Olivia?” I heard someone call my name and turning I was surprised to see Spencer walking over to me. “Hi, what are you doing here?” I questioned and tried to hide my bags behind me so that he wouldn’t see.

“oh I come every year, Halloween is one of my favourite holidays” Spencer said with ease and it made me happier than it should have to hear him say that.

“Mine too actually, I always buy the most unique things here” I rambled on and realized Spencer was looking around the table as well.

“Well I'm finished, if you want I can walk with you until you are done and then maybe we can grab a coffee?” I asked him and he looked over to me with surprise.

“I..uh sure, I mean yes. I'm also finished” he said and I found his stumbling very cute.

“Where do you want to go?” he asked me and I thought for a moment not sure.

“I know a great spot if you don’t mind the walk” Spencer offered and I smiled gratefully at him. We walked in silence, it wasn’t uncomfortable, just peaceful and nice.

Once we got to the coffee shop we grabbed a table outside and ordered our coffee.

“So any other surprises for me that I don’t know about you?” I asked Spencer as I took a sip of my ice caramel coffee.

“Well seeing as haven’t really talked outside of work, there is a lot we don’t know about each other” Spencer replied and I knew what he meant. Neither one of us really talked about our lives outside of work.

“Alright how about a question for a question?” I offered up, Spencer looked a bit hesitant but then nodded as he took a sip of his overly sweet coffee.

“Okay I’ll go first, why FBI why not become some world renowned doctor?” I asked him curiously as he was way too smart for this type of job.

“Well I am a doctor, but to answer I just always felt the need to put my brain to good use and I feel like this is a good choice.” He said and it thought it over not understanding how he could be so smart and not get bored of knowing everything.

“Why that apartment and not one with many tenants?” Spencer asked me and I was shocked at his question, it was a valid one as the one I was staying in was mine and mine alone, a bit pricey but I was fine with it.

“Well I like to have my own privacy and control who comes near me and my home, we can never be too careful” I said and he agreed with me but didn’t press further as he realised I gave a short but correct answer.

“So you and Layla huh?” I asked him and smirked as he chocked on his sip of coffee.

“What I uh- what do you mean?” he spluttered and I grinned at him.

“Back in the day that sleezy magazine was everywhere” I responded to him and watched as he looked down in embarrassment.

“It was nothing, just paparazzi doing their bad of a job” he said and I hummed as I knew there was more to the story.

“So I guess it’s my turn again, do you- uhm do you have a boyfriend or someone staying with you I mean?” Spencer asked and I looked curiously at him.

“you asking me out Reid?” I asked in return and watched as he scrambled for words. “No! I-uhm I’m just asking” he said while blushing and taking a sip of his coffee to avoid my eyes.

“No Reid I don’t have a boyfriend, they don’t usually stick around after hearing about my past or my job, so I’ve just stopped trying” I said to him and watched as he curiously looked at me. Obviously wanting to know about my past but not brave enough to ask.

I was about to ask another question when my phone rang, seeing it was Hotch I groaned and showed Spencer. “Guess we have another case” I said and grumbled about only having one day off and then having to go back into work.

We were all briefed quickly and on the jet in no time. Speculations were thrown around about the new case trying to form a profile adequately but also quickly as you were all feeling tired and worn down.

5 days later Spencer and I were on our way to go talk to a suspect but as both of you stopped by the door you noticed it was already open. Both of us pulled our guns out and searched the house. Downstairs was clean and as you both walked into the bedroom Spencer heard a car and looking outside he saw three men climb out, all having guns on them and not any type of guns but automatic rifles.

“In the closet quickly” Spencer hissed at me and I was confused until I looked out the window myself and knew we were in big trouble.

Spencer got into the closet first and then I followed, it was strange for the closet to be empty and also this small but neither one of you thought about it as Spencer let the team know where you were and that you needed back up fast.

Pulling the door closed I heard it click shut and breathed softly as the voices of the men filled the house. Looking out the small slits in the closet door to try and see when they come up just to be ready, I moved to try and get a better view.

“Can you stop moving” Spencer hissed behind me and I turned my head to frown at him. “I’m trying to see, it’s not my fault this closet is so small” I hissed back and turned again to try and get a good view.

“Stop!” Spencer whispered tensely and I shook my head not in the mood to get him started with his personal space issues and germs.

Hearing steps coming up the stairs I moved again to try and see if someone was heading into this room but they turned and headed to the other room.

“Please just stop moving” Spencer said loudly and I turned my head to him in anger. “Shhhhh” I scolded him and moved back to my original position and then I felt Spencer’s hands grip my hips tightly. “Stop moving” he growled out at me and as I tried to move I felt his hands tighten and then I realized I was flush against him and something was very hard against my ass.

I then understood why he asked me to stop moving. “Shit sorry Reid” I whispered out feeling bad for moving so much.

“Just don’t move” he said and I nodded trying to keep still but Spencer’s breath was right on my neck and it was giving me goosebumps along with his hands staying on my hips. “I can try and turn around” I said to Spencer and before he could say anything I turned to face him but this made it worse as we had to stare at each other now. “Never mind this is worse” I said and struggled but in no time turned back around.

Spencer’s hands returned to my hips but this time his fingers touched my bare skin as my shirt had slightly lifted up with the turning.

“It’s fine just don’t move anymore” Spencer whispered out and I felt myself shiver from his words right by my ear and his breath tickling the skin on my neck.

The team needed to hurry up already as this became very uncomfortable as I couldn’t stop thinking about Spencer so close to me and pressing into me. I don’t know what I was thinking but I moved back slightly and heard Spencer hiss out between his teeth.

“Fuck…” Spencer groaned out and I had never heard him curse before and I didn’t know why but it turned me on so much to hear that coming out of his mouth.

“Reid” I said out softly as I felt him pull me back more into him, he was grinding himself against me as his head fell forward onto the back of my shoulder.

“Reid, Olivia?” we heard Morgan shout out and neither one of you realized that the team had gotten there.

“In here…” I shouted out and heard Spencer groan as I reached for the cupboard door and push it open. Before I could say anything Spencer rushed past me and then Morgan without a word.

“What was that about?” Morgan asked as I looked back at the cupboard, still feeling Spencer’s hand on my hips. “Just a small closet, kinda tight squeeze” I said to Morgan and walked past him as he replied with “mhm”.

Turns out it was a gang related murder and the team had arrested the three guys seeking revenge.

The plane ride was silent as everyone was tired, so everyone completed their paper work quickly. Heading to the supply closet for new staples I opened the door as saw Spencer walking by, so I grabbed his arm and pulled him inside.

“Spencer look what happened…” “no don’t mention it, I’m sorry I understand you aren’t into me and it’s fine. It’s uh – its just been a while and I -uh” Spencer rambled on as he interrupted me and I arched my eyebrow at him.

“stop talking Spencer” I said but he kept babbling on so I step forward and gripped his face in my hands and leaned up to press my lips onto his own. It did the trick and he was quiet.

As I pulled back I stared into his beautiful eyes searching for something. “I like you Reid” I said and he swallowed hard and looked at the floor.

“Hey, if this isn’t what you want, it’s okay” I said and stepped back feeling as if that was the wrong thing to do.

“No it’s not that, I just – uh can I take you on a date?” he asked me and I smiled up at him.

“Of course you can” I said and placed a small kiss to his cheek and walked back out to my desk, grinning from ear to ear.

“What’s the smile for pretty thing?” Derek asked me and I didn’t want to tell him and I'm sure Spencer would feel the same as we were both very personal people.

“No just thinking of my bed and how good it will feel sleeping in it for the next few days” I replied and he just shook his head and walked over to garcia’s office.

We all had a few days off and Spencer and I decided to grab dinner on the third night, I dressed in a simple red ankle length dress as Spencer said it was a fancy restaurant he wanted to show me.

I arrived at the restaurant and felt nervous as I haven’t been on a date in a very long time. The last relationship I had ended very badly but, Spencer was different. He was kind and smart and funny, someone I could see myself with in the long run.

The hostest showed me to the table where Spencer was already waiting, I smiled at him as I approached and it was like on of those cheesy cartoons. Where the males jaw hits the floor by the look on Spencer’s face.

“You look beautiful” Spencer said and I smiled and thanked him as he pulled my chair out for me.

Spencer and I shared stories about our lives and he told me about when he started in the BAU and I told him about my days in the CIA where I started off.

“So you and Rossi go way back?” Spencer asked as we walked outside through the park for an evening stroll.

“Yeah he was lead detective on my parents murder when I was 14” I said and took a deep breath as I haven’t thought about them in a long while.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to intrude” Spencer said and I shook my head at him “No it’s okay, it was a long time ago” I explained and we continued to walk in silence.

“How about you, any family around here?” I asked in return and saw Spencer chew his bottom lip, anxious to reply.

“You don’t have to answer Reid it’s okay. We all have some issues we don’t want to talk about” I offered up to him and he stopped to face me and took my hand in his own.

“No it’s okay to ask. It’s just my mom, she – uh she’s in a facility…” “Reid stop…it’s okay one day you can tell me” I said to him as I could tell he was uncomfortable.

“Do you want a cup of tea? My place is right around the corner” I asked him and saw him swallow hard and pull his hand away.

“I’m sorry, I don’t usually do that on the first night” Spencer said with a blush covering his cheeks.

“You don’t drink a cup of tea after a date?” I asked confused and trying to think what he was thinking.

“Olivia I know what cup of tea at your place means” Spencer said and I bursted out laughing.

“Reid I don’t mean sex, I mean an actual cup of tea” I said to him and watched as he ducked his head in embarrassment.

“Oh sorry, not that I won’t want to, just not after the first date” Spencer rambled out in nervousness making me blush as well.

“It’s just tea Reid, I don’t do sex so early on as well” I said to him as we made our way back to my apartment.

Walking inside I switched the lights on and then switched the kettle on and pulled out two mugs while Spencer looked over my book collection.

“Are these first editions?” Spencer asked me shocked as he pulled them out and I walked over nodding. “Yes they were a gift, I'm just missing one” I said and watched in awe as he went over all the books. It was nice to see someone else appreciate books like I do.

Your place looks a lot different to what I imagined” Spencer said and I looked around, it was very bare and minimal, only the book shelve standing out.

“That’s cause all the good things are in the spare room” I said and walked down the hallway with Spencer following me. I opened the door and stepped inside where all my collectables were in glass cases and the wall filled with posters and merch.

“Wow, do not let Garcia see this” Spencer said and I laughed knowing she would geek out.

“Yeah no one really knows how much of a geek I really am, but I like it that way” I said to him as we both headed back to the kitchen to get our tea.

It went on like that for a few weeks, Spencer and I getting dinner and the having tea before he left to go to his place. Little by little my walls were going down and we both opened up about things. I learnt about his addiction and his mom being a schizophrenic and he learnt about me being guarded with people as I was in an abusive relationship before being transferred to dc.

[likeadaydreamorafever]

Mischa Barton: ‘The trauma doesn’t just go away overnight’

The OC made her one of the most famous stars of the Noughties. Now 37, and with a new role in Neighbours, she’s back — and this time it’s on her own terms.

There was a time, not so long ago — the Noughties — when we hunted young women until they went mad. A pack of men with cameras followed them, stalked them, waited outside their homes to take their photograph, so that people could devour their lives and their changing teenage bodies, and watch their rising panic as they cracked under the pressure we were putting them under.

“It was all very Hunger Games,” says Mischa Barton, 37, sitting in a hotel room in central London, hair blow-dried, coffee poured, legs crossed. The British-American actress was 17 when she was cast in the teenage TV drama The OC, catapulting her to worldwide fame and making her Karl Lagerfeld’s “face of a generation” — an It girl in an era of size-zero bodies, up-skirt shots and gossip blogs.

Barton was — reluctantly — a paparazzi favourite. She was beautiful, cool and sceney, with a trail of rock star boyfriends and wild child friends. She suffered as a consequence of rather than in spite of the fame. She was arrested for drink driving, spent time in rehab and was detained in a psychiatric hospital. In 2017 a video of her, incoherent, rambling and distressed, was sold to the gossip site TMZ, peddled as proof of her going off the rails. Her drink had actually been spiked with a date rape drug. That same year an ex-boyfriend tried to sell a video — filmed without her knowledge — of her having sex and being naked in her own home.

“You can go to therapy every day for the rest of your life,” she says, “but there’s just a certain amount of trauma [from] all that I went through, particularly in my early twenties, that just doesn’t go away overnight.”

Today her life is a little quieter — the paparazzi don’t yet know where her new home is in Los Angeles (though the sound of cameras can trigger a panic attack, part of her enduring post-traumatic stress disorder). The OC is coming up to its 20th anniversary, with a new generation of Gen Z fans going wild for the Y2K vibe. She has had a stint on Dancing with the Stars and the reality TV show The Hills: New Beginnings, as well as parts in horror films, indie films and now the resurrected teatime soap Neighbours.

Barton was, and still is, a valuable commodity. “They first wanted me to do an arc on Neighbours when I was in my twenties,” she says, dressed smartly in a blazer, A-line dress and preppy jacquard pumps. I’ve just finished watching the new season, I tell her. “Oh wow,” she says in her mid-Atlantic drawl, “have you actually been watching it?” Sure, I continue, it was nostalgic. “Oh wow,” she says again, flatly. “Yeah. I haven’t seen any of it.” Barton still has the cool-girl energy that drew so many people in: arch, a little judgmental, but fun. She is the popular girl at the party.

The “final” episode of Neighbours was broadcast on Channel 5 last July, after 37 years and 8,903 episodes featuring alumni including Kylie Minogue, Jason Donovan and Margot Robbie. A group of heartbroken fans campaigned for its return and four months later Amazon Prime signed a deal with the production company. The reboot features old favourites Susan, Carl and Harold, as well Barton’s new character, Reece Sinclair, the expensively dressed American hotel proprietor who is having an affair with the bellboy.

Barton spent two months filming in Melbourne, cramming lines for 5am call times. “They work crazy hard [on soaps],” she says. “Really, it was gruelling. You’re lucky to get a second take.” She did, however, rewrite some of her script. “They don’t let everybody change their lines” — she lowers her voice — “trust me. The other kids were like, oh, can I do that? And [the writers] were like, no.” She cackles. “Say your lines as scripted!”

The actress will always be known for The OC, in which she played Marissa Cooper, a rich, blonde Californian who was troubled and glamorous — and who every teenage girl was desperate to be. The first series, which aired in 2003, pulled in an average of 9.7 million viewers per episode in America and was a hit on Channel 4, and she won two Teen Choice awards.

“I don’t think I was fully prepared for that level of fame,” she says. “Because it has never been something that I have sought out. I really would much rather be anonymous.”

Still a teenager, Barton was lauded for her looks and treated, she says, as much older than her years. “You do look back and you were 18 dating 34-year-olds,” she continues. “With hindsight you’re like, yeah, that was weird.” An interview with Harpers & Queen has recently resurfaced in which Barton, 19 at the time, says she was told by her publicist to sleep with Leonardo DiCaprio, who was 30, “for the sake of your career”.

She left The OC after three series — she says she was bullied on set and exhausted by 18-hour days for each 24-episode series — asking the writers to kill off Marissa as brutally as they could. She died lying in the road, dripping in fake blood, her crashed car up in flames.

In the following years Barton became a familiar face on the LA nightlife scene, all smoky eyeliner and faded band T-shirts, photographed with Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan and Amy Winehouse, while dating the Kooks’ frontman Luke Pritchard, the American rocker Cisco Adler and the Roughs’ guitarist Taylor Locke. “I definitely got to tour with some cool bands,” she says, still a little thrilled by the whole thing. “I mean, I was obsessed. But I don’t know if I could date a guy in a band any more. It just sounds exhausting and dirty.” The paparazzi attention was certainly not “healthy” for romantic relationships. “Everything is just so heightened,” she says. “You depend on the person so much more, you think you’re that much more in love because they’re your grip on some sort of normalcy.”

In the gossip blogs she was considered fair game. She was criticised for losing a stone in a year, then criticised for being “bloated Barton”, with the celebrity blogger Perez Hilton often the leader of the pack. “Nothing I did was good enough,” she says today. “It was the peak of cruelty about young women’s bodies. It was wild.”

Could she leave the house without being followed by photographers? “No,” she says immediately. “I couldn’t. [The paparazzi] were doing all kinds of crazy stuff to me.” She says they tracked her car, tried to climb over the walls of her house, paid off restaurants and bought mobile phones for homeless people so they could tip them off. “I was stalked,” she says. “I did go a little bit nuts at [one] point. I just felt really helpless.”

Then there was an arrest (2007, driving under the influence, without a valid licence and possessing cannabis), rehab (court ordered) and psychiatric hospital. She said she was “depressed and overworked”, and then, she claims, pumped full of prescription drugs by her “team” to keep her working. People have got kinder about mental health, though, she says. “That’s one of the better things about society these days — people are more willing to talk about having had depression or anxiety, or it’s not so taboo.”

But it was her legal battle against her ex-boyfriend that was “one of the worst and most gruelling experiences of my life”, she says. In 2017 Jon Zacharias tried to auction off illicit videos of her to the internet’s highest bidder.

After a years-long legal battle she won the case to prevent him from doing so. “It’s shocking to realise that there is that type of darkness in the world,” she says. “And you wonder what you’ve done to attract it.”

Mischa Anne Barton was born in Hammersmith in west London, the middle of three girls, her mother a producer and photographer, her father a foreign exchange broker. She went to St Paul’s Girls’ Preparatory School before the family moved to New York when Barton was six.

She was a bookish, shy child who found respite in acting. She had her first modelling job at eight and her first professional stage role the same year. By 11 she was in Italian Vogue. By 13 she was the lead in the movie Lawn Dogs, which had dark undertones of child molestation, followed by Pups, a crime drama. “Even from a young age I was sexualised,” she wrote in Harper’s Bazaar in 2021.

After her big break in The OC she starred as the “hot girl” in various music videos (Noel Gallagher, James Blunt, Enrique Iglesias) and became the face of Chanel, Calvin Klein, Monsoon Accessorise, Neutrogena, Herbal Essences and Keds.

“I was definitely told ‘sign here’ many, many times over,” she says. “I’ve gotten a lot better with legalese. Now I will read a contract front to back.”

Do people think she made more money than she has? “Oh, I know they do.” Today you can watch The OC on Amazon Prime, Hulu and ITV. “But I say to my friends, ‘Oh cool, I just got a direct deposit for $1.50.’ And they’re like, ‘What’s that?’ And I’m like, ‘Residuals.’ ”

She pushed herself into indie films and cerebral plays, which she loved, and then appeared on the rebooted reality show The Hills, which “wasn’t for me”, she says. “It’s the fame-chasing and the posing stuff that I don’t like. I found them to be very alieny.” She says the producers tried to make out that the original cast of The Hills had hung out with the cast of The OC in the Noughties, “but that was not the case. I never saw them around. I mean, it was a completely different world, a different type of celebrity.” She looks up from pouring herself another coffee. “You know what I mean.”

Today Barton lives between New York and LA. She is steady and grown-up, but still with a streak of flightiness. Her spontaneity “is a problem”, she says. She travelled around Indonesia alone over the summer, then France, then the UK, where she has been staying with her older sister, a barrister, in Kensington.

“I’m happy being single at the moment,” she says. “Because it comes up, the whole thing of ‘Do you wanna settle down and have kids?’ I am a weirdly traditional, conventional person when it comes to stuff like that, more so than people think. But it really depends on the person you’re with.”

In the past few years there has certainly been a collective reckoning regarding our behaviour towards young, famous women of that era. But does that regret mean anything to the women who suffered through it?

Recently the FBI knocked on Barton’s door, saying they were “working on a case” and wanted to play her a series of tapes. She listened to her conversations with people from years ago, which were recorded covertly. “Who knows who was doing it?” she says. “But I was almost grateful to know that they [the FBI] were going to such lengths, otherwise you feel crazy and paranoid.”

She has also had direct apologies. In 2019 Perez Hilton told her, on The Hills: “If I could go back in time and do things differently, I would.” Barton was largely unmoved. “This bullying you did for so long to so many young girls, I find it hard to let go,” she replied. “I can’t really accept the apology entirely.”

I bring up Hilton today and she rolls her eyes. “I don’t listen to anything he says because he’s so crazy,” she says. “You can see how sorry people feel for what they did to people like Britney [Spears] then. Everyone now is like, ‘I can’t believe we did that to those poor women.’” She pauses. “People feel so entitled to you and your body and your image. It’s a strange feeling. It’s strange.”

Video included in the article:

[magnus-the-maqnificent]

So. Here’s a lil story.

I participate in the Malec Secret Santa every year. And every year I’m a master procrastinator and sit down and write out my fic in the last 2-3 days, maybe a week if we’re being generous (and I never learn, but that’s not the point of this story)

This year, however, things were different. I’m in the middle of Pre-finals right now, and the week of the Secret Santa deadline I was swamped with college work and record submissions (cause apparently, my professors are all also Master Procrastinators who waited till the last minute to let us know what to write in those records).

Anyway, I was overworked, I was tired, and I had no idea what to write for the Secret Santa. I made a few false starts and decided to go for a fluffy strangers to lovers college au. It might’ve been 3k if I’d written it out completely.

I didn’t. It was a hard fic to write. I didn’t have any idea about the plot, just that I wanted it to be what I wrote above, and I knew it had to be Magnus POV and I had a certain characterisation for Alec in mind.

But uhm, anyways. Plot didn’t work. I didn’t vibe with the characterisations. Fic was supposed to be a fluffy wintery slow burn, with Malec meeting multiple times at college and slowly falling (while being oblivious dumbasses ofc) and finally somehow ending up together. 500 words in, I reread through it and I was like.

This is boring, uninspired crap.

No, really. There’s no conflict. All the tension is forced. Heck, the fic itself feels forced. One tiny part of me was like, hey, maybe that’s the point of this story, maybe some love stories are just… simple and boring. It’s realistic right? We can write a monologue about it in the end?

I hated that too.

I ended up ditching the fic, and got to studying, while the deadline still loomed over me. And then, I got this lil idea, of a coffee shop and rivals to lovers. It was a tiny idea, just two scenes long, but hey it was still better than what I’d been writing before and I don’t have the time anyway. I sat down and wrote it, and it came out about 1.5k long. I submitted it in, and well, here’s the comments on it so far

I… really don’t know what it means that every single comment mentions the word count (and none of them are negative!! It’s like. I made something that matters in a very small word count. That’s something)

Anyway, I think there’s a few lessons to be learnt here-

1. Word count doesn’t matter, the words do. It’s okay if your works lean towards shorter word counts, as long as you enjoyed writing these, as long as it meant something to you and to the readers.

2. If you’re not enjoying writing something - ditch it!! It’s completely okay.

Idk if I managed to articulate my thoughts properly. I’m probably rambling. But uhm yeah. Happy writing!!

P.S if you haven’t read my Secret Santa fic yet, you can do so here

[maggzblair]

2023 year in review fic writer asks: 8, 19, 21? please and thank you.

First of all, hello friend! Hope you’re well and I miss talking to you. Hopefully we get to more in the new year.

Second of all, thanks for the questions! Let’s get to them, shall we?

8. Did you write for a new fandom or ship this year?

I actually did not write for a new fandom or ship this year, surprisingly enough! I thought that 2023 was the first time I wrote Gilmore Girls fic, but I guess the summer/fall of 2022 just completely slipped my mind. So, no, but hopefully I will further expand my horizons when it comes to writing in 2024!

19. Share your favorite opening line.

Now this is definitely a difficult task, to choose a favorite of many great lines from this year. I

can honestly say that there is not one opening line that I don’t like, but there is one that rose above the rest this year. It comes from my latest fic actually, a post-series Gilmore Girls AU called “If Twenty-One Was the Loneliest Number”.

If twenty-one was the loneliest number, twenty-three was perhaps her darkest sister. 

21: Share your favorite piece of dialogue.

Again, we find ourselves in another of the Gilmore Girls fics that I wrote earlier this year when the motivation was driving me. In this story, however, it comes with a possibly very divisive discussion of whether to continue with an unexpected pregnancy or decide to end it. I thought that it was very true to both the characters themselves and what could have happened if those infamous last four words had occurred at the end of the original series instead of the revival and I am still quite glad to see that the readers of this particular story have largely agreed. So, from the story “Falling Slowly”:

“Hey, Ace,” he finally said, pausing for a moment. “What’s going on? You said you needed to tell me something.”

The words seemed trapped on the end of her tongue, unable to come out. When they did however, it was in a rush only she could manage. “I know you probably didn’t want to hear from me again after your proposal, I mean…I don’t blame you for not wanting to talk to me. I know I didn’t give you much choice in calling me back either because I didn’t even tell you what was wrong,” she said, working herself up into a signature Gilmore ramble. As it turned out, that was the only way to push past the terror and finally admit to someone more than herself what was happening, damn the (hopefully) irrational fears of her inadequacy and that Logan would end up just like her father, leaving them both behind. Or maybe, just maybe …he wouldn’t. “I’m pregnant. I’m pregnant and terrified and the first thing I could think to do when the test turned pink was call you because I love you and I miss you.”

Silence reigned for what felt like an eternity, the only indication Rory had that Logan hadn’t ended the call was the sound of his breathing on the other side. She had shocked him, which wasn’t at all surprising considering she still felt the same way, but the longer he didn’t speak the more she felt uneasy. Was this the first heartbreak her child would experience, before she had even decided whether or not they would exist?

“Logan,” she asked softly, needing to hear him say something , even if it a less than enthusiastic response.

When he did finally reply though, it was entirely unexpected. “Are you alright? How are you feeling?”

How are you feeling? Was that all he could ask?

“I’m… I don’t know. I haven’t even left the bathroom yet,” she said, knocking her head back against the vanity when she heard exactly how that sounded. “I came in here to take the test but I can’t… I couldn’t make myself leave yet. If I leave, it’s real.”

Logan sighed and Rory could just imagine him, standing in the kitchen of the house he had bought for them, making himself a cup of coffee but wishing it was a scotch. Rory knew she wished she could have something alcoholic at the moment, or at the very least the biggest cup of coffee known to man, but the child currently growing inside her definitely wouldn’t like that. “I’m pretty sure it’s real whether you leave the bathroom or not, Ace. I don’t know much about kids, but I know that.”

“That’s the problem! I hardly know anything about kids, I’ve never really been around them! I mean, sure, Lane’s boys are really cute and Davey and Martha are fun to hang out with sometimes, but I never imagined having one of my own. Especially right now, just when everything seemed to be falling into place,” she said, standing and starting to pace. “I mean, I’m supposed to be in Iowa on Tuesday to cover the Obama campaign! How can I spend what I’m hoping is the next eighteen months on the road pregnant? Then with a baby?”

“You know you don’t have to do this, right?”

The question, simple and yet incredibly complicated, stopped Rory in her tracks. He was right, she didn’t have to do this, but could she stomach the fact that doing this meant…

“Are you saying you would..,” she said, voice trailing off before asking the question that would give her the choice she needed. 

Logan finished the question without a moment of hesitation. “Support you if you wanted an abortion? Yes.”

“Wow.”

[floral-hex]

Just a bunch of text below because I feel like rambling, nothing too exciting

Where to start? Just gonna babble a bit

Met with the nice nurse yesterday morning to talk about meds. That sucked. Very offputting and distant. Lots of anxiety and worrying during the appointment and she just either stayed quiet or made me feel bad for not being able to make an appointment she referred me to (which I tried to explain I couldn’t make because I am fucking pooooor and it’s an hour away and life is ridiculous right now but nooooo I blew it so thanks lady). Ugh she’s usually so nice. Maybe I just caught her on a bad day. Anyway, upped my viibryd & now I’m on vistaril instead of buspar.

Therapy appointment yesterday afternoon, which also sucked. God, I just keep feeling like I’m letting people down. It’s like if I don’t come in with concrete improvement each week, I just feel like shit. Yes, I’ve been fucking lazy. I’ve been fucking depressed and stressed and worried about moving, I hate myself, I feel shitty, and then he just kinda makes me feel worse about myself. I know that wasn’t his intention, I know he’s just trying to push me because lord knows if I don’t get pushed I’ll just stay a lump forever, but still, it’s left me with a shit mood since leaving his office. Ugh… but I still dig the guy, even if I feel like I’m “failing” therapy.

I have to be out of this place by next Wednesday 😬 and I honestly haven’t even packed anything yet… which is doubly, triply, dozensly bad because turns out family is coming to help move boxes TOMORROW! Ugggghhhh so I’m going to spend the day packing.

Which leads into: still don’t reeaaally have a place to move into. There’s one of two options, so hopefully one of those comes through. The places look nice. I’m going to miss living here, but I think that’s mainly because I’ve been here so long, I’m comfortable here. I will be comfortable somewhere else. It’s just the transition period that’s rough. We’ll see.

This vistaril is making me a bit muddled. I know it’s basically mega-benadryl, but at least I feel something from it compared to buspar. Just finished my second cup of coffee.

I don’t have anything else important to say, I just wanted to put another bulletin point here.

Oh, this house is full of spiders. I don’t know where they all suddenly came from, but there have been tons of… I don’t know exactly what they’re called… those brown hunting spiders. Not the tiny ones, either. Usually I love spiders, they’re good little dudes, but they’ve just been popping up a lot lately. I was walking barefoot in the kitchen the other day and stepped on something chunky, only to lift my foot and have a big spider, still alive, drop to the floor. I love you guys, but you gotta not be near me, okay?

Okay last bullet point, I swear… uhhh… I love you.

I lied. One more. I’ve had two coffees and this vistaril is STILL beating my butt back and balls. I’m such a lightweight. I wannnnna fuckin uhhhhh smooch. yeah bro, smooch.

When I get… I’m not tired… but like, when I get… I can’t think of the words. Like tired but not tired. Drowsy but not. I could sleep, but I won’t. I get mushy. I feel mushy. I feel like a mushy peach. Sweet and squishy. I want to be mushed. squished. smushed. smooched. I love you, goobers.

[m0tel6mxzzy]

I’m an OG gossip girl super fan but I didn’t want to watch the reboot. I’ve seen you posting about it a lot so I decided to give it a go! So here I am to ramble in your asks, sorry!

I’m on e5 right now. Do you think they’re trying to recreate character roles? I read your post about Monet being Blair coded, obviously haven’t watched far enough in to see that yet, but I’m seeing a lot of Dan in Obie, a lot of Chuck in Max, Jenny in Z.. it just feels like it’s not lining up properly?? I wonder if I need to just look at it as an entirely different show rather than as a reboot or being connected to OG gossip girl at all. Also I’m a bit put off by the teachers being GG and the fact that we as an audience KNOW that. It felt more immersive to me, when we were just as confused as the characters in OG. IDK! I like it. But I’m stressed!

no worries anon i love asks! so i 100% feel like the rb characters are heavily based off the og characters, but in some ways similar to the books. i think it’s more so the dynamics between og characters that are being replicated. like intentionally it’s not supposed to line up 100% but so far placing luna has been the hardest, which also bothers me bc she seems to be the least developed character thus far despite being a stronger character than obie imho and i feel she could totally have more screentime if the teachers were cut.

i think they should’ve been given far less than they were given anyway. i think the teachers being gg is in response to the reveal in the og. essentially, “we’re all gossip girl” which is better than having a random twist ending that does not at all make sense and feels incredibly out of character. that kinda moral to gossip girl rb could’ve gone with the teachers being hidden under the end. these are my opinions:

[blair and serena: monet and julien/luna

blair and chuck: audrey and max

blair and nate: audrey and aki

serena and dan: julien and obie (their conflicting beliefs often drive them apart)

jenny: zoya (in the books, jenny idolizes serena instead of blair, similar to how zoya idolizes julien rather than monet)]

and i have no idea where to place luna. i feel like she’s the aspect of “old serena” from before serena improved her grades and stopped caring abt popularity and taking advantage of that status, and julien is the “reformed” serena that tries to halt any competition with blair and try to ignore her own wealth, even when sometimes that does more harm than good.

i also feel like obie is supposed to be a “rich dan” but i don’t think he’s been developed enough as a character despite getting so much screentime. in the books, dan is this pretentious dark and tragic writer stereotype who smokes and chugs black coffee, which i love bc as annoying of a “not like other guys” person he should be translated onto screen, it works for him and gives him indirect characterization.

i do not get much from obie outside of him flip flopping his values based on what sounds good tho, whereas dan was set on his beliefs but did have moments of reflection, like when he’d realized he’d misjudged blair as a person, that she had a soft side and like rufus had said—was secretly going through a lot. i think monet and zoya out of all the characters have been the best established in terms of their linked to the og characters, and their arcs kind of set the foundation for the show and bring it into the old gg universe imho.

julien did the same as obie (flip flopping, will she or won’t she back stab zoya) but it’s much clearer she wanted to be a good person, whereas obie never seemed to account for his mistakes and wanted everyone but himself to change.

and what makes me perceive monet as being “blair coded” is the fact both of them have very similar personalities and issues. they’ve bribed their teachers to change grades, can be incredibly manipulative toward longtime friends, seem to dislike their friend’s bf who rejects the status quo, their mothers are at times one might say emotionally neglectful, they each pick on and ruthlessly bully the younger student that idolizes their lifestyle, etc,.

[walesfootball]

Too Far Gone - Ingrid Engen x Reader

I love Ingrid Engen. She deserves more love! This idea came to me today and the story flooded out of me. Hope it's okay. Working on more fics, especially the ones requested, but motivation is kicking my arse. Enjoy!

Coming out fic. Reader isn’t comfortable coming out, but wants Ingrid to be happy.

“Hey, Y/N, can I talk to you for a second?”

You turned around to see one of the new players running towards you on the training pitch. She was nice, but you didn’t know her very well. Your girlfriend, on the other hand, had taken the new girl under her wing. Teaching her the ropes of Barcelona. Barcelona was a difficult team to get a grip of, Ingrid knew that better than anyone, so she made it her mission to make these new players feel as comfortable as possible. It’s one of the many things you love about her, how thoughtful she is.

“Yeah, of course. What can I do for you?” You smiled at her as she approached you.

“I just wanted to ask if you and Ingrid are… you know… a thing?” She asked nervously.

“A thing?” You knew exactly what she meant, but needed some time to think of what you were going to say.

“Yeah. Dating?” She smiled widely at you.

“Umm…” You and Ingrid had spoken about your relationship. You didn’t want any outside influence on the relationship at first due to you not being out yet. Ingrid had been patient and told you whenever you were ready she’d be there for you. Ingrid had never pushed you, and for that you were forever grateful.

You had no idea how to approach this situation with the new girl so you smiled back nervously, “No.”

“Oh okay. Sometimes you act like a couple so I get confused.” She laughed as you chuckled nervously along with her.

“No. We’re not a couple. We’re both single. Very single.” You said quickly, surely enough you were giving yourself away.

“You don’t seem so sure.” The other girl laughed at how flustered you’d gotten. She shook her head and carried on, “If there’s nothing going on between the two of you, you wouldn’t mind if I asked her out on a date, do you?”

Your eyes burst out of their sockets. You’re not surprised she’d want to take Ingrid out on a date. She’s perfect in your eyes, and probably in a lot of other people’s eyes. You needed to find Ingrid before the new girl did.

“I mean…” You couldn’t find the words. They were stuck in your throat, you were really stretching for something to say here.

“She likes coffee so I was thinking of taking her out for some breakfast, or maybe to the nice cafe around the corner. What do you think? Do you think she’d like that?” She was rambling as your mind had gone blank. You should’ve just told her, but it had gone too far for you.

“Listen, I have to go. But it was nice speaking to you.” You left the girl standing there looking on in confusion at the rush you were apparently in. You set off quickly to the dressing room, looking around frantically for Ingrid.

“You haven’t seen Ingrid have you?” You asked Alexia who shook her head.

“Caro, you seen Ingrid?”

“She went to the bathroom.” She didn’t look up as she was tying her shoelaces.

“Amazing. Thank you!” You ran out to the nearest bathroom. Barging through the door you noticed Lucy staring at you, her eyes wide, jumping back at the ferocity of the door opening.

“Bloody hell. You scared the shit out of me.” Lucy giggled as she carried on putting her hair up.

“Sorry. It’s just… Ingrid’s in here, right?” You were out of breath as you looked at her through her reflection in the mirror to gauge her reaction.

“She left a while ago, mate.”

“Shit. Thank you anyway.” You ran back out to the field. You knew Ingrid would say no to the girl, but you wanted to explain yourself for not telling the new girl why she couldn’t ask Ingrid out on a date. You were so scared of how the people you loved most would react to you being gay. Most of your teammates were gay and would never judge, but your family were different. Nobody else in the family is or was gay so you couldn’t guess how they’d react. It’s what scared you the most. And Ingrid understood. You remember the night you told her how terrified you were of your family rejecting you. Would they shun you from the family? Or would they love you unconditionally? These were questions and doubts that had surrounded your soul for many years. You’d never had the courage to tell anyone. When Ingrid came along, you found yourself falling hard for her every single day you were around her. She made it easy for you. And so you gave in to the vivacity of Ingrid.

Running onto the field, you found Ingrid standing there with her hands on her hips. As you got a clearer view of her you saw her speaking to the new girl. You had to find a way to distract her. Your eyes traveled to your left as you spotted a bag of footballs. You took one out and launched the ball towards Ingrid, hoping to at least swing it near her. As it passed by Ingrid’s head, she flinched and looked to her left to see where it had come from. She smiled realising it was you, but carried on with her conversation.

The rest of the team came out as you cursed yourself. Maybe being more open about your feelings with your closest friends wouldn’t be too bad. They do say it’s sometimes easier to come out to your friends before your family.

Training had dragged. You tried pairing up with Ingrid, but that new girl always beat you to it. You were sure Ingrid was going to dump you afterwards and go out on this date with someone who could give her more than you could. Could give her the love that she deserved. You weren’t thinking straight when you were trapped in your mind.

Ingrid always kept her eye on you during the session. She could always tell when you were overthinking. She didn’t know what you were overthinking about, of course, but Ingrid did know that you were fine this morning. She tried making eye contact with you, but you kept your head down. She then thought she could be your partner for some of the drills, but the new girl kept pulling her away. She smiled each time, never the angry type. But when you were off your game, Ingrid was also off her game. Worried about you and wanting to fix whatever had you this way. Ingrid had never felt as strong towards someone else than you. You brought another type of love out of her that no one else could or would. That she was sure of.

Training came to an end. You got changed and left the changing room. You needed some air from that humid dressing room. Was Ingrid angry at you for not saying something? Was she frustrated that you were scared of coming out? Did she say yes to the date? You knew you were being illogical, but your mind was like a washing machine; constantly turning your logical thoughts into something else. You found yourself sitting on the bonnet of Ingrid’s car, waiting for her to come out (no pun intended).

You saw her walking out of the building with her hair down, weaving its way through the light wind. She had changed into a pair of sports shorts and a vest. Ingrid looked preoccupied until she saw the sight before her of you sitting on her bonnet. She chuckled a little and the spring in her step was back as she walked towards you and her car.

“Well hello. I thought you left without me.” She hugged you tightly as she helped you down from the car.

“No way. Tuesday is film night, how could I miss that?” You smiled softly at her, admiring the shine in her eyes as she quickly kissed your cheek before anyone saw. You hated that. Not that she kissed you, but that she had to hide it. It was all your fault.

“What’s up with you? You’ve been like this for most of the day.” Ingrid tucked the loose strand of her behind your ear as she looked on with concern.

“Have I?”

“You know you have, now tell me.” Ingrid’s hand dropped down to your thigh.

“Can we talk about it later? Is that okay?” You wanted to sort out your head before anything.

“Of course. How about we go back to mine and we can have some food and then talk if you’re up to it?”

“You’re amazing.” You hugged her as your body melted into hers, feeling the comfort of her warmth and scent.

You both got into the car. Ingrid holding your hand the whole way to hers as she sang along to the music on the radio. You sat back in the chair, closing your eyes as you thought of what you wanted to say. It wasn’t that you were worried about the new girl anymore, you knew deep in your soul that Ingrid would’ve said no. But it was wanting to be more open about the relationship.

Finishing dinner had gone way too quickly for your liking as you helped Ingrid to wash the dishes. She pulled you over to the sofa. She brought you closer into her and kissed you softly on your cheek, wanting you to be as comfortable as possible.

“You okay?” She pulled away to look at you.

“Would you be happier being in a more open relationship?”

“As in being with other people? No. I only want to be with you. Unless that’s something you want…” Ingrid almost gave you a look of disgust as you realised how you had worded it. You had worked up the courage to say something for so long and of course it would come out wrong.

“No! I’m sorry. I worded that so wrong.”

Ingrid gave you an amusing look as you cursed yourself, trying to find the words on the tip of your tongue.

“What I mean is… wouldn’t you be happier with someone who is comfortable showing you off? Because that’s what you deserve. To be loved right. Not by someone who can’t even come out to their family.”

“Hey. Don’t talk like that. I don’t think I deserve to be loved by someone as amazing and kind as you.”

You looked up at her in disbelief, “Of course you do. You deserve the best.”

“And that’s how I feel about you. Coming out is different for everyone, and I’m not going to judge you for how or when you decide to do it. I just want you to be happy.”

She brushed the tears that had slipped down your cheek as you continued looking up at Ingrid.

“What’s got you thinking like this anyway?”

“The new girl asked me if we were dating and I stupidly said no because I panicked. And then she asked if she could ask you on a date. And I realised how much I wanted to show you off and tell our friends and family of how happy you make me. But I’m just scared.”

It was Ingrid’s turn for the tears to flow. She cupped your cheeks and kissed you lightly on the tip of your nose.

“You’re not stupid. She did ask me though,” Ingrid chuckled gently through the tears, “I told her I was seeing someone. She said that she had a feeling of who it was and looked at you. I think everyone knows about us, but they’re just waiting for us to say something.”

“Really?” Your eyebrows scrunched up, hoping that was the case.

“My Lock Screen and wallpaper on my phone is a picture of you, I think it might be obvious.” Ingrid laughed.

You laughed along with her as her hands travelled down to yours, gripping them. You remained silent, thinking over what you wanted to say next.

“I want to say that I’m happy with whatever you’re comfortable with. If you want to come out to our friends first, I will be there with you to tell them. And if you want to tell our families, I will hold your hand while we tell them. But I love you no matter what you decide.”

You fell into her body as you cried again. How had you been so lucky to find someone as patient and amazing as her. It made things easier for you. Life was easier with Ingrid by your side.

“I want that,” You pulled back wanting a better look at her. “I want to come out to the team.”

“Are you sure?” Ingrid had a look of concern on her face yet again, wanting to make sure this was what you wanted.

“100%. I can’t think of anything I want more than to be honest with not only everyone, but with myself.” You wiped at your eyes.

Ingrid launched herself at you, holding onto you as tightly as possible, “I’m so proud of you.”

——

That night had changed your life. The team were as welcoming as you thought they’d be. Many of them telling the both of you they knew already because you both weren’t subtle. But every single one of them hugging you tightly, expressing how proud they were of you. A lot of them knowing how hard it was to come out to the people they loved the most. They never treated you differently, but they did tease you and Ingrid every day. You found yourself smiling more often than not, while Ingrid stood with a red face. You were happy to finally be yourself around people that you called home.

Ingrid went with you to tell your family. Your mum and two brothers were sat in the living room, waiting on your news. Ingrid sat on the sofa holding your hand throughout it all. Your brothers had a feeling too, and brought you in for a hug. Your mum was a different story. She couldn’t understand it. She expected you to find a man out in Spain, and you’d get married and have kids. She was old fashioned in her thinking. It broke your heart that a member of your family felt this way. It crushed you. Ingrid held you all night and day as you came to terms with your mum not understanding the love you felt for another woman.

You and Ingrid spent the week in Norway where Ingrid introduced you to her family as her girlfriend. The love you felt from her family was the complete opposite to yours, bar your brothers. They all hugged you tightly, not letting you go for a second. They’d all heard about this mysterious girl who had captured their daughter and sister’s heart and were ecstatic to finally meet you.

A week back in Spain you received a phone call from your mum. You were reluctant to answer, but couldn’t find yourself not answering the phone. You’d missed her voice and talking to her every day before you made your way to training.

“Mum?”

“Before anything, I wanted to tel you how stupid I was for being angry with you. You deserve love. And if you’ve found that love with another woman, then I can’t be angry. I always told you that I’d support you with anything you did, and I didn’t this time. And I’m so angry at myself for that. I’m so sorry. I’d love if you came back with Ingrid and we could meet properly this time.”

The tears flowed once again. You didn’t realise how emotional you’d become over the last few months due to coming out. It was exhausting. You sobbed down the phone to your mum, as she cried too. You’d spoken for several hours before hanging up. Ingrid found you on the balcony, wrapped in a thin blanket with tear tracks down your cheeks and your eyes bloodshot.

“Oh my gosh, are you okay?” She leaned down before you, holding your cheek, looking over you to see if you were hurt.

“I’m fine. These are happy tears.” You pointed towards your face, trying to convince her.

“Really?”

“My mum called.”

You explained everything to Ingrid, and she couldn’t be happier for you. The both of you spent the night holding each other, watching the stars above. You fell asleep to the cool air of Barcelona. The new chapter for the both of you felt like a new start, and you couldn’t be happier with Ingrid by your side.

[moody4world]

Real rider

A/N(?): i am !!NOT!! a writer, everything i write and post is simply for fun and not to be taken seriously

equestrian y/n teaching jack the basics of horse riding for churchill downs mv

this is fluff

Jack had just dropped his brand new album called home the kids miss you. He had already recorded a music video for first class but he was mostly excited to film his music video for churchill downs with THE drake himself.

He had proposed his idea of what he’d want to include in the music video to his directors and one of those scenes included jack riding a horse. Only problem with that was that Jack had never ridden a horse in his life. But he was dead set on having this in his music video.

“Come on Neelam there’s gotta be someone you know that can teach me, I mean how hard can it be right?” “Oh you’d be surprised, I do know someone and it’s definitely not as easy as you think Jack, you want to learn how to ride a horse at a high speed in the span of a few days when you’ve never even sat on a horse before, be for real.”

Jack stared at Neelam looking very offended but he knew she had a point. A really good one at that. But the last thing he was going to do is give up. “Okay okay that’s true but if they’re such a professional i can at least learn the basics right? I just really want this to look cool as fuck.”

“Fine i’ll give her a call later and see what I can do for you.”

“This is exactly why I never fired you.”

“Jack what the hell?”

“I’m kidding i’m kidding…wait did you say she?”

“Uh…yeah is that a problem?”

“No of course not I just thought it’d be a guy”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I’ve just never seen you hang out with a horse girl before.”

“Oh god please don’t call her that or she’ll flip her shit. She hates it when people call her that.”

“Gee thanks for the heads up.”

Later that day you were watching a random movie that was recommended to you by a friend on netflix when your phone started ringing. You picked it up to see it was Neelam and you accepted the call. “Hey Neelam what’s up?” You said while stuffing your face with popcorn. “Hi y/n! just work and more work, you know how it is.” “Yeah that’s literally all you do, why’d you call though? is everything okay?”

“Yeah yeah everything is great..but”

“Uh oh what is it?”

“It’s nothing bad but I just need you to do me this one favor for the next two weeks and I promise i’ll pay you and everything just please help me out or this boy won’t leave me alone.” Neelam rambled

“You had me at the word pay but what do I have to do for the next two weeks? thats a lot of days.”

“Can you teach Jack how to ride a horse for his music video?”

You paused your movie at the mention of Jack’s name and put your bowl of popcorn on the coffee table in front of you.

“Uhm yeah..yeah sure that’s fine I can do that. When do we start?”

“Are you available this friday?”

“Yeah that’s perfect, i’m sure you remember where the ranch is so i’ll see you then.”

“Thank you so so much y/n i’ll text you a time and more details later okay?”

“Okay byee”

You let out a heavy sigh after you both hung up. “I haven’t seen Jack in person in years…will he even recognize me? okay he probably will you haven’t changed THAT much y/n come on. Yeah that’s true…ugh i really hope he’s nicer now cause that dumpling joke was so annoying….it was kinda cute tho. Girl snap out of it. I’m literally having a whole dialogue with myself about this and I haven’t even started teaching him yet jesus christ.”

Everyone talks to themselves….I just happen to do it a lot more than usual and there’s nothing wrong with that. I knew Jack since middle school, we always had the same classes and he would sit near my lunch table and our friends usually hung out together. He never bullied me or anything like that cause i’d refuse to let a young jb look alike who raps to bully me. He just always pointed out things that made me feel slightly embarrassed. Like that one time he called my kermit and mrs. piggy socks cute which made his friends laugh about it. He apologized afterwards and said he really meant it but I mean who knows.

Friday comes around and I made sure I got to the ranch early to set everything up. I got the horses ready and even had enough time left to have a quick snack. A few minutes after I was done, I saw Neelam walking in with Jack. I walked over, meeting them half way. Neelam gives me a tight hug swaying us side to side as we always did when we see each other. “y/n!!!! hiiii” “It’s been way too long Nee” “I knooow this guy keeps me way too busy.” She says pointing towards Jack who’s standing there all awkward with his hands behind his back. He puts his hand forward and I do the same shaking his hand “Jack” “y/n” there’s an awkward silence between the three of us until Neelam clears her throat and breaks the silence “Oh..kay uh i’m gonna go and leave you two to it then. y/n good luck with this one.” “I think i’m gonna need it so thanks” “I’m standing right here…you guys realize that right?”Neelam laughs and walks towards the exit of the ranch. Once Neelam was out of earshot Jack turns to me and goes. “Long time no see y/n l/n” ugh here he goes with the last name. For some reason he could never just say my first name like everyone else. “Yeah long time no see…clearly not much has changed.” “I don’t see why that’s a bad thing dumpling.”

There it is..that old nickname. I didn’t want to have feelings for this guy but the butterflies were unavoidable at this point. He’s taller now, he has a nice beard, his hair is curlier, his voice is also deeper but his cute goofy smile is still the same and clearly the nicknames too. “I was hoping you’d forget about that name.” I said awkwardly. “I did until I saw your chubby cheeks again.” “Stop pointing it out” I said defensively but in a joking way, he laughs and puts his hands up in defense “I’ll stop…no promises.”

“Okay enough talking let’s get started or we’ll never get you to ride a horse in time for your music video.” “Okay let’s go”

Getting Jack to even get on a horse was harder than you expected.

“Pay attention to what I do so you can do it after me.” I get on the horse making sure to do it at a pace that he can follow and once i’m seated i turn to him and tell him to do what I did. Since he’s tall you would think its much easier but nope. This guy took like 5 minutes to even get on the horse, to be fair I didn’t pick our nicest horse for him either but he got on eventually. I got a good laugh out of seeing him struggle with something that was so easy to me though, no regrets so far.

After we did a little bit of trotting we took the horses for short walk before calling it a day. “So..how do you know Neelam?” he asked me out of no where “Uh…we met through a mutual friend” “Why are you lying?” “Who says i’m lying?” I was definitely lying, but how did he know that??? did Neelam tell him how we met?

No probably not cause he didn’t even know I was his instructor. “You did that awkward smile you used to do when you lie….so how did you guys really meet?”How does he even remember that?! i’m feeling those stupid butterflies again too get it together y/n. “Okay fine, I used to date her cousin a few years back and we got really close.” “Used to?” I don’t remember Jack being this nosey damn “You sure are nosey Jackman.” he shrugged.

“Not nosey just curious. I’d hate to be your ex, I know he feels stupid.” “You don’t even know what caused the break up.” “By your body language i can tell he’s the one that fucked up though.” “Yeah he did but i’ve been over it for a while now.” “Any new dudes in your life?” “No, just enjoying life as it comes these days. How about you mister rapper? new groupie every night or what?” “Who’s the nosey one now huh?” he says with a smirk. I know he did not just flip the script on me. “You asked a bunch of questions and all I asked is one and now i’m the nosey one?” “I’m just messing with you. But no i’m not like that… not anymore at least.” “Oh wow” He looked offended at my reply but can you blame me? he’s so popular now.

“What do you mean by oh wow? do I look like a manwhore to you?” I give him the look of “do you really want me to answer that?” “Okay don’t answer that” and we both started laughing. “Do you wanna do a small race to the stalls?” he looked at me as if i had grown two heads “ A race?!? are you trying to kill me? I thought we were getting along.” “You’re so dramatic it’s like 7 feet away” “Are you forgetting that you’re the real rider here and not me? I’m just an intern” “Okay prospect, no race this time. You’re such a party pooper.” “If you’re a good teacher and I get the hang of this by the end of these two weeks i’ll race you. Deal?” “Deal” We shook on it and continued our way to the stalls. Unlike getting on the horse, Jack had no issues getting off of it and he was quick to offer me his hand to help me get down.

Of course I didn’t need it but I decided to entertain him and accepted the help anyway. For whatever reason my horse, Talula felt like it was good moment to push me off and of course it had to be like one of those cliché rom coms. You know the ones where the girl falls into the guys chest and their faces are so close they’re almost breathing the same air and they look into each other’s eyes like its the prettiest thing they’ve ever seen?

Well that’s exactly what was happening between Jack and I. Until Talula decided to push me again and we both snapped out of it. His right arm was still around my waist and his other hand was still holding mine. I frantically pushed him away and stepped back brushing my clothes off from the invisible dust and possible horse fur.

“Sorry about that.” Jack apologized “No no it’s fine.” I started nervously laughing.He started walking backwards towards the exit “Tomorrow same time?” “Yeah, same time” “Alright, see you tomorrow dumpling.” He turned around now walking to the exit with his back towards me. “Stop calling me that.” “Not a chance dumpling.” He glanced at me over his shoulder with a smug grin on his face. I rolled my eyes but I couldn’t hold back my smile. After a full day of teaching Jack some of the basics and catching up a little bit I can say that he’s definitely the same goofy Jack that he was when I first met him in middle school. Maybe these next two weeks won’t be so bad after all.

[jon-astronaut]

Stranger Things Social Media AU - But I Knew You - (Ronance & Stonathan) - Chapter 17

Masterlist

Previous Chapter

Next Chapter

Robin’s Tweet

Robin’s POV

This year Robin’s mom decided to host thanksgiving dinner which meant that her two aunts and their husbands and children were all staying at theirs through the weekend. All this meant that Robin was five seconds away from screaming and pulling her hair off. Just two more days, she thought and then, she could be back in New York with Steve and Eddie and Jonathan and, and Nancy. Shit, Nancy still wasn’t answering any of her texts and calls. Robin didn’t know what to do and as much as she wanted to go back the thought of Nancy keeping to ignore her scared the shit out of her. Robin was never supposed to take such a big risk. Her and Nancy were becoming close friends, and them plus Steve and Jonathan were becoming a great group. With one move Robin fucked everything up. For once, why couldn’t her life be like a movie where her crush liked her back, where she would have the most romantic montage in the setting of New York?

“What are you going to do when you graduate?” Her aunt asked distracting her away from her thoughts and Robin barely kept herself from rolling her eyes.

The most popular topic of conversation with her extended family was Robin’s life. Her cousins got off easy, the oldest one had just started high school.

“I haven’t decided yet.” Robin replied flatly. 

“What can you even do with a sociology degree?” Her other aunt asked mockingly and this time Robin rolled her eyes so her mom kicked her foot from below the dinner table. 

“Robin sit properly and don’t roll your eyes.” Her mom whispered from next to her.

So, Robin had to straighten (Oh the irony, she thought) and swing her other leg down instead of putting it up on the chair with her elbow resting on it. 

“There are many things she can do.” Her mom over-excitedly answered for her. “She can work in the university or become a writer.” 

“All very well paying jobs.” That aunt mumbled, but Robin heard it and tried to imagine that she was back at the dorm having dinner with Steve. 

“I hope next year you come up with a plan for your future and you no longer come to these dinners alone.” Her husband added on.

“I will try to keep that in mind, thanks.” Robin replied which earned her another warning from her mother. 

The table continued with their own conversation that still revolved around Robin’s life, like what career path she should choose or if it was too late for her to change majors; was their next door neighbor’s son single and could they fix him up with Robin or maybe the son of his uncle’s boss was a better match. 

She couldn’t wait to be back in New York even if she would never talk to Nancy. At least Steve was there and all he did was hype her up and talk about how smart she was. At least there she didn’t have to hide this huge part of her. Her phone buzzed in her pocket and Robin quickly took it out hoping that it was Nancy only to see Jonathan’s texts. Well, her hopes had failed but that gave her an opening and Robin excused herself to another room. 

Robin’s POV

Robin’s POV (continued)

Nancy’s POV

Nancy’s POV

“Do you ever think about how easy things would be if we were just together?” Nancy blurted out suddenly, and realized what she said too late.

Steve almost choked on his coffee and Nancy started to ramble, which never happened, as he coughed.

“I mean, it’s not that I want to be with you, I like you a lot but as a friend, but, you know how my parents are like and how-

“Nance, Nance.” Steve cut her off placing his coffee cup on the table between them. “It’s okay. I get it.” He added with a small but warm smile.

“You do?” Nance asked hesitantly and a little surprised.

She didn’t know how much Steve got exactly, just how much he could get. He probably related to familial pressure and micromanaging of his life by his parents but beyond that she wasn’t sure. Did he get what it was like to ignore a part of you? Did he get what it was like coming to that point, meeting that someone, that made you not want to ignore that anymore even if you felt like you had to? Did he get just how scared Nancy was of losing Robin, of chasing what she wanted, of getting out of the mold of the future her parents created for her?

“Yeah.” Steve replied quietly. “My mom was suggesting that I should take you to dinner some time.” He added with a laugh.

With that Nancy laughed too. She wondered if their parents had a group chat creating plans to get them together. No, she decided, the Harringtons carried too much pride to do that.

“It’s hard…” Steve started again once their laughs were over but, this time his voice was pretty serious. “…to be somebody else than what your parents made you out to be especially when they have so much to hold over your head like the money, the comfort they gave you, the future they planned out for you. You carry their surname and you think only way to be is to be like them. You say you don’t want to be them; you say you want to be somebody else, someone better but you don’t know how to be that person. Nobody ever showed you that you can be different and better. You are scared what would happen if you try to be not like them. Who would you be? What would they say?” Steve blurted out almost in one breath but he never once stumbled over his words, almost like this was rehearsed.

Nancy stared at him for a few seconds. Now, she didn’t know what to say because everything Steve explained felt eerily similar to everything she thought of. There were other things in her mind too, like if her dad would explode if he ever saw Nancy kiss a girl, but Steve was cutting it pretty close.

“I’m sorry.” Steve said probably because Nancy wasn’t saying anything. “I’ve been thinking a lot about this - like unnaturally much and it just spilled out somehow.” He added with a hand through his hair.

“No, no. It was-it was pretty much how I’m feeling.” Nancy said with a faint smile.

“Well, the good news is. I’m living proof that you can try to be not like them and still survive.” Steve replied with a bigger smile and Nancy gave him a confused look. “You think my parents approved of me blowing up my friendship with Tommy and Carol in high school? My mom talked my head off for a week about how she was friends with their moms so I should be friends with them. And, and, do you think they understand why I do everything I do for Dustin and Max and the other little shits? They never cared for anybody like that and they both have siblings.” He finished off with a shrug still smiling.

Nancy couldn’t help but chuckle a little. Steve had a point. It looked like he was still fighting with a lot of his parents’ expectations and demands and fighting with himself too but it was true that he had changed and grown in the opposite direction what his parents wanted for him. And, it’s not like Nancy was undermining Steve but a part of her said if Steve could do all this then, Nancy could do too. She could try to follow what she wanted even if it would take a little time to get there. She didn’t feel like texting Robin yet because she didn’t know what to say to her, because Robin looked like she was comfortable in her own skin when Nancy was so behind. First, she needed to talk with Max. Even if she was Mike’s friend, meaning a 16 year old, Nancy knew she gave good advice and well, she was the only person Nancy knew to like girls too.

“I’m glad I have such a good example in front of me.” Nancy said with another chuckle.

“You’re welcome.” Steve replied with a smirk.

Nancy was so happy she became such good friends with Steve. It was nice to have somebody that understood her, that articulated just how she felt. Maybe one of these days Nancy could talk to him about her crush on his best friend too.

[cno-inbminor]

iterum vivere (childe/tartaglia)

a/n: wow, it’s been fucking forever. first genshin fic featuring childe/tartaglia!!! a very huge thank you to @suspensin​ for reading this over and being my rock and support, and i love her so fucking much. I couldn’t have finished this without her!

plot: reincarnation and modern/uni!au ft. afab reader!traveler with she/they pronouns x childe/tartaglia 

-- in which meeting childe is a bit of a dangerous game of push and pull

wc: 12.1k; angst + fluff

warnings:  DOES CONTAIN IN-GAME SPOILERS (1.5? 1.6? + story quest and idek) and NSFW MENTIONS (mdni to be safe). there’s no explicit smut but thoughts do run a bit wild here and there

EDIT: Altered ChiLumi version now posted on AO3 here!

“Haven’t we met before?”

The shine in your eyes does nothing to hide your curiosity, head even tilting a little in observation. He watches them scan his face for any recognizable features, but attempts to focus on the strange, taut string of déjà vu that pulls him toward you. In a moment of absentmindedness, he had heard a faint voice call out his name from your direction. Confusion overtook him as you weren’t looking at him, but something inside his brain said that it had to be from you. And so his feet redirected his path towards your figure in the student union building, as if on a mission.

“A fucking whale, Childe?”

Oh.

“I don’t think so…?” You trail off, curiosity now replaced by perplexed feelings. “Do we have a class together?”

I think I would’ve noticed you by now if you were.

“Ah, what’s your major?” Childe asks quickly to avoid listening to the little voice in his head.

“History and anthropology, you?”

“Economics, but I’ve taken a history course for core credits. Maybe it was then?”

“With Dr. Zhong?”

“Yes!” He snaps his fingers. Part of his brain decides to usefully function and scan his memories to see if he remembers your face or head of hair in the lecture hall then. “Last year? Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 to 11:20?”

“Actually, yeah,” you affirm in surprise. You think you would remember the relatively attractive ginger in your class, but honestly, it had all been such a blur and you were often pretty sleepy during class. Dr. Zhong didn’t quite appreciate it, but you made up for it with your exam and essay grades, as well as paying better attention in some of his other courses.

“Did you need me for anything?”

“I’d like for you to come visit and meet my family.”

He’s really not appreciating this extra voice speaking for him.

“Well…uh…” Childe stammers and looks away sheepishly, hand rubbing the back of his neck. He honestly had no reason for approaching you, and now, he just looks like a desperate idiot. Think quick, he tells himself, floundering for some shitty excuse.

“I wanted to, uh, take another history course as an elective and um, wanted to know if you had any recommendations?”

“Oh,” you blink. That’s a first. When he meets your gaze, the swirling shades of sapphire strike something deep within you. Flashes of events you can’t make out go by in the blink of an eye, but then you realize you’ve been staring for too long. Blood rushes to your cheeks because you don’t exactly want this guy to get the wrong idea from you, because how are you supposed to explain, “I’m sorry, but I think we have met before, but just a really, really long time ago, and we might’ve been more than just acquaintances because that’s what it feels like?”

“I think you’d like Teyvat Mythology,” your voice wavers on the verge of cracking. “Dr. Zhong might have a TA this time around, but Xiao’s a great teacher. Doesn’t have long, rambling anecdotes, but explains things well and gets straight to the point.”

“C-cool, I’ll look into it,” Childe replies and smiles brightly. “I’ll head out then,” jabbing a thumb over his shoulder, where he just realized he left a grouchy Scaramouche waiting by a vending machine, newly purchased Starbucks Tripleshot drink in hand. “Nice seeing you, (y/n).”

He scurries off before you both realize that you never told him your name.

“Who’s that?” Scaramouche asks, jutting his chin in your vague direction.

“Someone from my Intro to Liyuean History course last year,” Childe waves off. “Come on, let’s go before the line at the pasta bar gets too long.”

-

The next time you see Childe is by accident, traversing across an open field of grass that many students like to sit out on to relax with friends, sunbathe, hold events, or play casual team sports if room permits.

You had your earbuds in and were scrolling through social media when laughter rang above all other sound, causing your head to snap up and swivel around to find the source. And while it might’ve been strange to an outsider, your steps immediately slowed as you watched the man of your tiring, vivid dreams sprint in your direction, eyes pinned on a frisbee heading towards him.

He’s wearing a grey sports tank and basketball shorts, headband holding back his bangs as he makes a slight jump in the air to catch the plastic disc between his palms. His feet plant into the grass as he looks for someone to pass it to, and you watch (with embarrassment) the muscles in his throwing arm relax and tighten with practice, frisbee steadily soaring through the air in a beautiful arc towards a teammate. He then lightly jogs to get closer to his group, but then his back stiffens.

Before your instincts kick in for you to turn and bail, he looks over his shoulder and stares straight at your now stunned self.

The sole ruby earring that glints in the sunlight catches your attention, and you recall your dreams of terrifyingly dark, violet electric power, blades of water rushing toward you, and then the stomach-churning sensation of falling from great heights pours concrete into your veins—

Childe looks a little amused for having your sole focus, hand lifting up for a quick wave. And as you numbly return the greeting, your heart beats out, “Run from him.”

And so with the flight response pulsing and firing from your synapses, you abruptly speed walk away, almost breaking out into a sprint towards your dorm. You ignore his pointed, confused look, and pretend you don’t feel the two holes of imaginary fire searing into your back. It isn’t until you’re laying back in bed that you release a huge sigh of relief and pray to a deity you don’t believe in that those eyes of mirth will not haunt you tonight.

But of course, with a deity that doesn’t exist, the prayers go unanswered.

-

“Do you believe in any of the mythology you teach?” You ask Xiao about a few days later when you stop by his cubicle. Luckily, no one else is around for this conversation, and Xiao has always been kind enough to humor your thoughts. Granted, he might feel obligated because you had asked Dr. Zhong to be your advisor for your undergraduate Honors thesis, and Xiao was directed to be your receiver of some general questions and source of information if he wasn’t around.

A quick scan of your complexion tells Xiao everything he needs to know. Your eyes are overtaken with rumination and exhaustion, haziness clouding them as you seem to ponder over your own question. It’s not often that you ask him anything not related to your thesis or coursework.

“Perhaps there’s some sense and truth to the tales passed down,” he softly muses. “What makes you ask?”

You lift yourself to sit on the clean area next to his computer, legs slowly swaying back and forth. “It might sound crazy but...I’ve been having dreams lately. They feel too real, too natural to be anything that my mind would make up. I’ve never had the most creative imagination by any means, which is why there’s some comfort to me being a history major, but I can’t shake these.”

“So why ask me about the mythology?”

“...the Archons are there. I even dreamt that I met the Geo and Anemo Archons. And they controlled various elements, just like we were taught.”

You don’t notice that Xiao has ceased his rapid typing, fingers hovering over the keyboard before one hand removes his glasses from his face. He uses the other to rub his eyes and softly pinch the bridge of his nose before sliding the frames back on. Dark, golden amber eyes survey you as you grapple with the unfathomable possibilities of your nightly visions, at least until you shake your head in disbelief at yourself and lightly scoff.

“Who am I kidding?” You ask no one in particular. “Maybe I’ve been doing too much research and everything’s mixing together.”

“You’re ahead of schedule, if that provides any consolation.”

“Some.”

-

It takes Childe a grand total of one minutes and 53 seconds to sign up for Teyvat Mythology for the spring semester.

-

WInter in Liyue is only slightly miserable, being so close to the ocean. It’s chillier than usual on this dreary day, yet something compelled you to exit your dorm and shakily make your way to the campus coffee shop for a warm drink. Coffee, hot chocolate, you haven’t quite decided yet, but just as you let yourself bask in the warm building, familiar ginger hair and blue eyes wash away the comfort.

Or do they douse you in security?

They remind you of your recent dreams that now have shifted away from stress and violence to easygoing summer days by the oceanside, running barefoot in the sand while collecting beautifully patterned azure starconches. Sometimes, you thrust a hand towards an oversized four-leaf clover on a wooden stake with the power of wind and catch yourself in the air, soaring and looking around to find more of the little shells. Other nights, they consist of climbing steep cliffs, only to sit at the edge in the clouds with fatigue wracking through your system and marvel at the view before you.

Someone’s always with you though, ruby earring and maroon mask and cobalt blue gem hanging from the waist, sprinting with you, playfully tackling you down, pulling you up towards mountain peaks, laying their head on your shoulders, brushing their lips against your cheek--

You welcome the change of peace in those dreams, but only because they don’t leave you quite as tired the next day, as if you’d been avoiding an inescapable dark force.

Part of you wants the burning question of why this person, this man, in all his glory and brightness, affects you so fucking much when you barely even know the guy -- why looking at him sends your heart to lodge itself in your esophagus, why your lungs feel like they’re so close to being completely collapsed under the weight of his stare, why feeling like you’re trapped and  caught between wanting to run towards yet away from him.  It makes no sense, and you’re tired of trying to make sense of anything you don’t exactly want to remember from your dreams for some, once again, inexplicable reason.

But there’s no time to think as he quickly ambles towards you, your own feet shuffling forward to meet him in a warped reference of a distance that constitutes to “the middle” before you can stop yourself. Your shivering hasn’t quite stopped yet, and Childe seems to take notice of it.

“Pretty cold out there,”  he softly states. It’s cute, the way you’re curling in on yourself to retain some warmth.

“Y-yeah, not sure why I decided I really needed something warm to drink right now,” you reply and avoid his gaze. He watches you peer over his shoulder to squint at the menu display hanging from the ceiling, seemingly contemplating on what you should get.

“How about I get yours today? My treat for your class recommendation last time.” Anything to keep you here longer. Childe doesn’t realize how much he’s missed you, which confuses him, and chooses to ignore the fact that he’d been camping himself at the study tables in the building where the history department is located in hopes of even just catching a quick glimpse of you.

“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” you immediately attempt to subvert his generous offer, hands shooting out from your jacket pockets and waving in rejection. “It was nothing.”

“Please?” Childe puts on his best puppy eyes before reaching for one of your wrists, gently tugging you to the register. “Just this once?”

You want so badly to squash the tiny flare of disappointment that erupts in your chest from the newly acquired knowledge that this was just a one time thing. Do econ majors hate to feel in debt? That they must be even with everyone, or would rather have people indebted to them than the other way around?

There’s no time to think when Childe gives the cashier his order before turning to you, and without wanting to waste anyone’s time, you rattle off your usual beverage. He’s quick in fishing out his student ID to spend some of his campus currency, shooting you a boyish grin when you pout at your half-opened wallet.

“Go take that table over there,” he says, pointing to one in the corner by some windows. “I’m gonna tell my friends to go on without me.”

“I didn’t mean to intrude or pull you away from them,” you slightly panic. The sooner you can leave, the better. Right? “You don’t need to sit with me, I was just gonna head back to my dorm.”

“I insist. Go ahead, I’ll be right there.”

Why your brain takes his orders over your own is a mystery in and of itself, because before you know it, you’re plopped down in one of the lounge seats and staring off into space, mind reeling over the last two minutes. You pretend you can’t hear the way Childe’s friends nudge his arm playfully with their shoulders, wiggling their eyebrows suggestively as Childe tries to get them to stop being nonsensical.

“You’re gonna scare them off,” he hisses at them, hands pushing at their backs so they could finally leave him to his devices.

“Not before you do!” One of them laughs and Childe groans at their antics. “All right, all right, we’ll go. They’re cute though, might steal them if you don’t make a move.”

The darkening of the aura surrounding Childe is too quick for them to fully process, not before he dampens any of their fleeting hopes with a, “Don’t even fucking think about it.”

But it disappears just as fast when his and your drinks are called out, and he gives them one last shove before retrieving your to-go cups. Childe directs all his focus towards the seat diagonally from yours as opposed to the one that’s straight across, and you’re sharply ripped away from whatever reverie you let yourself slip into.

“Thank you,” you murmur, hands cupping the drink and feeling the heat seep into your fingertips. “You really didn’t have to, it was nothing big.”

“Can you blame me for just trying to find an excuse to finally talk to you?” He asks without a skip and you can’t tell if the quickening of your heartbeat is from a looming sense of doom or excitement. Those eyes, the tiny swirls of the ocean, blue like those shells buried in the sand--

It takes three seconds too long for you to understand where he was going with in his words, and part of you feels unamused at his smooth talking. You’ve always guarded yourself against guys like Childe, devilishly handsome who know their way around language semantics, ready to pull you in and just as ready to push you away. That (possibly unfair) bias, coupled with everything else you’ve been feeling for him, sounded the alarms and set the walls up around your heart. Perhaps you need to stop wearing your heart on your sleeve, because Childe immediately retracts his forwardness.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I promise I’m not looking for anything in return and you don’t owe me anything, but I really did just...want to sit and talk and...get to know you?” Childe trails off a little towards the end. Your body loosens up and relaxes just a tiny bit, feeling bad for your snap judgment. Let the guy do something nice, don’t look into it too much, you tell yourself. It’s a coffee, not a five-course dinner.

You reach out a hand towards him, small smile across your lips, ready for his to join yours in a quick handshake. “I’m (y/n), senior history and anthropology double major. It’s nice to meet you.”

The pounding of your heart against your ribcage has nothing to do with the shimmering of his eyes, nothing to do with the fact that his hand fits with yours just right, and nothing to do with the fact that an eerily similar voice from your dreams whispers, “I love you.”

You learn a number of things about Tartaglia in the four hours, like his family members and their respective interests, which classes he did and didn’t enjoy taking, certain takes on Schnezhnayan politics, his own various hobbies, crazy accidents from the occasional college parties, and more. He’s a bit of an open book, probably telling you way more than any regular person would, and definitely more than anything you revealed during all this time. Everything you tell him seems surface level, nothing too deep. The walls are still there to protect you from the unexplainable, profound feelings his presence seems to elicit, and luckily, he doesn’t prod any further. Childe feels the resistance and respects it, which just adds more brownie points in your book, and you almost feel bad for having given so little in return.

“I wish we were taking Teyvat Myth together,” he sighs when walking you back to your dorm, hands stuffed in his pockets. His ruby earring catches the light from the sunset, the shade almost complimentary to the golden amber rays that streak across the sky. “Would’ve helped having a history major in there.”

“Is that all I am to you, an answer bank?” You jokingly ask, but he watches concerningly as you shoot your gaze to the ground, mindfully stepping over the cracks between concrete slabs.

“Of course not,” a gentle sincerity reaches you, giving you the confidence to make eye contact with him. “I’m sorry for making it sound like that, it wasn’t my intention. I really just meant it as a way of saying if the professor or TA ended up being a total bore, then well, having you would make it more fun.”

“I’m sure I’d bore you even more,” chuckling, speeding up to get away. You’re growing too comfortable in whatever atmosphere Childe has created, like an enclosed air bubble bobbing gently in the depths of the sea and letting the waves carry you both to whichever ends of the earth.

“Hey,” he interjects, hand reaching out to stop you with a soft yank of your wrist. There is no resisting force from you, feet stepping backward until he meets you eye to eye. It’s unfair in the way that he can render you motionless by standing just an inch from you, arms brushing with his head tilted closer to your own. “Seriously, I’m glad we did this today. Are you?”

No, because now I don’t know what to think, I don’t know who you are, I’m not any closer to figuring out why you terrify yet leave me so enamoured with you, I’m torn between punching and kissing you and--

“Yes,” you subconsciously answer, brain immediately short-circuiting to scold yourself. “I had fun.”

His grin, charming, devilish, is so so bright, bright enough to rival the Liyue sun that sits on the pier, on the edge of the ocean, bright enough to rival the love that your fraternal twin showers you with on a daily basis. You want time to stop right here because you’re almost sick of the voice settled deep within your heart that screams, “Don’t get comfortable, you must run from him!”

“Good. Let’s do this again?” And you nod, of course you do. Foolish you. “Don’t be a stranger!” He calls out as he turns on his heel and waves over his shoulder, hand raised in the air, and you’re suddenly transported to another scene, a less refined version of the Liyue Harbor, watching as the head of ginger hair with a red mask in a flashier attire of grey and maroon walks away from you and onto a roaring, magnificent ship; big, ivory sails only seen in books and museums. It’s the same gesture of “see you later”, and just before he turns, you blink, and you’re back to seeing your campus again.

But Childe does look back once, warm and content that you’re still standing there, watching over him, and he can’t help but think about when he can spend time with you again, because suddenly, it truly feels like there’s not enough of it anymore.

-

“Excuse me, what’s a Red Bull?”

The last thing, or person rather, you expect to see on the last day of finals for the fall semester, is a small boy who looks way too young to be here, tugging on the sleeve of your windbreaker. He’s at most eleven, ten maybe, but he has eerily similar characteristics, as well as an accent that doesn’t quite belong to most Liyue natives. Still gathering your bearings from your own perusing of the fridges that hold all the possible beverages a college student could consume, you kneel down until you’re at eye level with the child.

“Repeat that for me? Are you looking for a Red Bull, you say?”

“Yes!” He beams and holds out a student ID that most definitely doesn’t belong to him. “My brother asked me to grab him one because he was busy with something.”

Your eyes flit over to the top shelves where the aforementioned cans of caffeine are located, and definitely too high for someone of his height to reach. “I’ll grab one for you. Did he ask for a specific flavor?”

“Nope, he said regular. Thanks, you’re really nice! Do you know my brother?” He asks, waving the ID at you so you can get a better look at the name. That’s definitely a face you recognize, but the name leaves you confused.

“Yeah, um,” glance over again, “I know...Ajax…”

“He’s the best toy seller in the whole world!”

Somehow, it suits him much better than Childe or Tartaglia, and you’re not quite sure what toys have anything to do with the matter at hand. Speaking of hands, the little boy grabs yours in sheer delight. “Can you take me back to his room? I kinda forgot the directions he told me, and everything’s so big around here.”

“Sure, just let me buy something, too, and I’ll take you.”

“Okay!”

The cashier isn’t the least bit fazed by the little brunette at your side -- it’s always common for family members to come in around the end of semesters to pick up kids or visit, and being an open building with snacks and drinks and a stopping point of most tours, they’ve seen it all. You even let him pick out a bag of chips and a candy bar for himself for being so polite and not a complete menace, paying with your own campus currency.

Teucer, as you’ve learned in the last two minutes, likes to point out things and ask you questions. Luckily, you have answers to most of them and do your best to pad the time, enjoying the feeling of a tiny hand wrapped around three of your fingers. It’s sweet to any normal passerby, believing they’re witnessing an older sister doting on their little brother around the holidays, but to Childe, seeing the tender sweetness on your face as you nod along to whatever Teucer is rambling about to you, sets his heart aflame. He’s already constantly on the verge of wanting to hug and kiss you and never let go, but you haven’t made any indication that you could potentially like him back, and this is just torture.

“Look what they bought me!” Teucer shoves his rewards in Childe’s face as if he had extremely poor eyesight, and you can’t help but laugh a little as you set his Red Bull down on his desk, clutching your own preferred beverage while looking around his room. Finals must have gotten to him with the unusual lack of tidiness in the small space, some laundry strewn here and there, a couple boxes of eaten microwave dinners in the metal wire trash can, some textbooks left open and marked with more sticky notes than you’ve ever seen. You’d only been here once before to drop off some food that he desperately messaged you about, stuck doing a project that he just couldn’t step away from.

“Pretend you don’t see the mess,” Childe pleads, handing a kid tablet to his brother but holding on before Teucer can take it. “What do you say to our nice friend here for buying you these snacks?”

“Thank you!”

“It was nothing,” you shyly smile, ruffling his hair. “I enjoyed meeting you.”

“Wait, what’s your name again?”

“It’s (Y/n).”

“Okay, (y/n)! Wait…(y/n)..as in…”

Teucer trails off and gives a look to his brother, one that spells curiosity and trouble, before he grabs your hand and pulls you into a corner. Any movement Childe makes to leave his desk chair is immediately squashed by Teucer’s disapproval, and the older man is left to helplessly worry when you’re told to squat down so secrets can be whispered into your ear.

“He talks about you a lot whenever he calls home,” and you want to laugh at Tecuer’s attempt to sound as scandalous as possible. “All the time! I think he likes you, like, like like.”

Oh. Oh dear.

“What makes you say that?” You whisper back, indulging both yourself and him, yet also internally snickering at how troubled Childe looks.

“Sometimes, he video calls mama, but we’ll all sit around and talk, and whenever he’s talking about how he saw you or something, he just looks...happy. Really happy.”

The surprise on your face does nothing to settle Childe’s nerves and he’s about to start wringing his hands together. Whatever Teucer was telling you couldn’t be good, probably embarrassing, like the one time he unceremoniously fell on his ass while ice skating over a frozen lake, or when he tried fitting fifteen marshmallows in his mouth and nearly choked on them when their mother caught them in the act, or--

“I think he just thinks of me as a good friend,” you try to inform Teucer, not letting yourself get any semblance of hope. “Nothing more, nothing less.”

“If you say so,” Teucer pouts. But then he stops whispering and bounds over back to his brother, grabbing the tablet before plopping down on the half-made bed.

“Look, I was overconfident and thought I could execute a perfect single loop on the ice, but there was a rock and I lost balance and--”

“I wasn’t being told any stories about you falling on ice, but do tell me more,” you chuckle and take some joy in watching the blush spread across his cheeks. It’s easy to tell that he’s mentally berating himself for jumping to conclusions.

“Well, first off, thanks for buying him all that, and my drink, too,” he sighs. “I spoil him enough as it is.”

“I can see why it’s hard not to,” you smile knowingly. “So is it just him here? Where’s the rest of your family?”

“Funny story, he somehow managed to convince my parents to let him come here on his own as his first ever plane flight, so I had to pick him up yesterday from the airport. He’s flying back with me tomorrow.”

“And the RA?” You ask with an eyebrow raised.

“Ah...well...what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him? Speaking of, what was Teucer whispering to you about?”

There’s a pensiveness that overtakes you when you look at Teucer again, who’s happily playing some sort of game and completely oblivious to the rest of his surroundings. You won’t, can’t, take his words to heart, and will take them with a grain of salt at most.

“Nothing important. Although I did learn something new...Ajax?”

“Say my name -- fuck, say it, please--”

“I guess cat’s out of the bag,” he chuckles and looks away, absolutely unaware of the flare of heat that swirls in your stomach from the fleeting vision just now. “I came up with other nicknames as a kid to seem cooler, and they just stuck with me. Plus, the business world is full of people who just want something from you, or just a transactional relationship. I’d rather not give my real name to them, if you know what I mean.”

“That’s fair,” you nod and lean to sit on the edge of his desk. A thought pops into your head and you turn the words over in your head like a washing machine on the spin setting, teeth gnawing on the flesh of your bottom lip. If Teucer hadn’t been in the room, he would’ve been this close to kissing you.

“But if it’s worth anything,” your voice slowly, softly starts, cautious and wary of your thoughts. “I think...Ajax suits you best.”

Curse fate. Curse the legendary Archons. Curse karma and deities and spirits because all he wants to do right now is stand and tower over you, trap you between himself and his desk so you can’t escape, take those pretty lips between his until they’re bruised and swollen because of him, hear you call out his name in the throes of pleasure so he can finally replace his fantasies with tangible memories. The unnatural, magnetic pull that draws him to you is unbearable now -- he feels like he’ll lose the last tendrils of his sanity if he doesn’t do something.

You can’t stop him from slowly reaching out to grab one of your hands, lifting it towards him until he’s close enough for you to feel his breath ghost over your knuckles. It sends a shiver down your spine and blood is pounding in your ears because you can’t begin to fathom what he’s thinking about while doing this, even more so when his lips make contact with your skin and your breath hitches, stuck in your throat as he languidly peeks at you beneath his eyelashes with a heated gaze, then lowly confessing, “My name sounds best when you say it.”

Good heavens.

It’s difficult to swallow and keep your composure, especially when Teucer yells out in glee over, what you can assume, beating something in his game, and Childe drops your hand. But his dilated pupils don’t retract in the slightest, refusing to let you look away so that maybe, you can understand what he’s trying to convey to you. He’s taking the first step because he’s terrible and can’t contain his self-control anymore, pushing the ball into your court, ready for you to either play or exit into the sidelines.

When you do blink, there’s a vision of your naked body wrapped around another, limbs clinging desperately to a sturdy and panting frame. Lips, much like the ones that have seared themselves onto your knuckles, are at your neck and sucking, biting, before moving to your ear and laying filthy words into them that drive you closer to the edge. It all happens so fast that you feel you’ve just experienced whiplash, yet also feeling secondhand embarrassment at how lewd some of these thoughts have been.

You can’t stay here any longer.

“I-I have to go,” spills off your tongue before you can really think about it. The way the haze shatters in his eyes is heartbreaking in its own way, but there’s no time for you to explain. Your brain is in overdrive and eager to run, run, run. It detects danger on all fronts, but you muster out a, “H-have a good break, come find me next semester, mmk?”

And you’re out the door with inhuman speed. When the door clicks shut, only then does Teucer look up from his screen and frown at the lack of your presence. “Where’d they go?”

Chlide doesn’t seem to hear him, and Teucer has never seen his big brother look so sad and confused before.

-

He holds on to that last tendril of hope, because mark his words, he will find you come January.

-

After about a week at home, enjoying the festive time with his family and mildly unconcerned about next year’s courses because that was a problem for another day, Childe has his first, crazy, nonsensical dream.

At least, that’s what he tells himself when he snaps awake and his body aches with exhaustion. Not only are his joints in agony, he also feels like he’s sporting unforeseen bruises, which makes absolutely no sense because he hasn’t done anything that would warrant them, no matter how much he and his brothers do some rough-housing. His night of sleep was all consumed by flashes and scenes of weapon fighting, lucid enough to remember feeling his arms flex and wield bows and double-headed polearms and being cognizant of all the enemies??? surrounding him. They ranged from deranged looking monsters, floating beings with soulless masks, and large humans in electricity-padded armor, to behemoth machines in the sky that could leave you within an inch of your life thanks to a drill for a hand?!

But what’s even worse is that you seem to have managed a deal with Morpheus himself and infiltrated his dreams. You were there, too, sometimes fighting with him, sometimes against him, much to his dismay, and while it was nice, he just didn’t get it. Why the friendliness and hostility? Why was there an anger that overtook him when looking directly at you, parrying your blade and sending harmful arcs of water toward your figure?

Why did he relish the fear in your eyes when he darted towards you with electricity cracking through the air?

There’s an overwhelming sensation now to grab his phone to text you and apologize -- for what, he can’t fathom and there are no words to accurately convey what he’s thinking. “Hey, sorry for wanting to kill you in my dream :( “? Or “Sorry for being a friend but then stabbing you in the back, but then being nice to you again”?

And the only thing that really made sense was the serenity and contentment that would course through his veins as the two of you danced around on ivory sandy beaches, picking up shiny blue starconches and taking down more weird creatures; the breathlessness when you would fall back into the water and re-emerge to reconfirm his beliefs that you were one of the most beautiful humans he’d ever laid his eyes on; the love--

Hold the fuck up.

He doesn’t love you. He likes you a whole lot and he’s severely and deathly attracted to you, but he doesn’t love you. Your existence has only been made known to him for about two months, and he didn’t really start talking to you until three weeks in. So no matter how comfortable he feels with you, no matter how much he wishes that you were sleeping peacefully next to him so his nights wouldn’t feel so lonely, it was too early, too hasty, to say that he loves you.

“I’ve been wondering, why didn’t you bring them home?” His mother asks him out of nowhere during breakfast, all to add to this extremely tumultuous roller-coaster morning he’s been having. All he wants to do is eat his bowl of milk and cereal, then potentially go back to sleep before fulfilling his promise to go with his siblings to the nearby skating rink. It takes everything in him to not choke on his spoon of grains.

“Agreed, didn’t you mention they didn’t really have any family to go back to and that the move to Liyue was semi-permanent?” His father chimes in, laying a quick peck on his wife’s temple. “It’s never fun to spend the holidays alone.”

“They would’ve felt like they were intruding,” Childe replies quietly, stabbing his bowl a few times before scooping up another spoonful of cereal to his mouth. “I know we’re friends, but we haven’t known each other for that long, and maybe they’d be uncomfortable because that’s a lot honestly…”

“You don’t know until you try,” his mother sings and pats him on the shoulder. “We do have a guest room after all.”

“For them and their twin?”

“And quite a comfortable futon with enough blankets.”

Childe smiles fondly at his parents’ kindness. He can only imagine what this winter break would’ve been like now -- you and your twin floating around, trying to help out with certain chores, sitting by the fireplace and watching TV, huddled up with mugs of hot chocolate, playing board games with everyone and engaging in all the shenanigans…

Laughing. Loving. Grinning. Basking.

Handing over one of his hoodies to you as a sick way of torturing yet blessing himself for seeing how lovely you look in his clothes, standing silently in the doorway as you attempt to help out with mealtimes next to his mother, watching you run around in the backyard and dodging his siblings’ snowballs while lodging a few of your own -- how wonderful it all would be.

But he squashes it down as quickly as possible, because you escaped his grasp. You ran away from his advances temporarily and even though you gave him permission to seek you out come the spring semester, he worries that you might take it back. Something will wake up inside of you to keep him out of your heart and your life, and he’s not confident enough at this point to believe there’s a good chance you will come spend the holidays with him and his family next year.

“Maybe next year, ma,” he sends her a hesitant, yet somewhat broken purse of his lips that’s just the least bit curved. It tells her everything he’s thinking, and the quick patting of his cheek lets him know she understands.

Half an hour later, Childe finds himself curled up on his side under the sheets, phone in hand as he stares at a blinking cursor. It shouldn’t be so hard to send a text to convey his holiday greetings, because that’s all it is -- part of him is becoming desperate and aching for some interaction with you, even if it’s just a text sent back for conventional social pleasantries. He’ll take it for now, right?

Before he can totally chicken out, his thumbs quickly type a, “Happy Holidays, (y/n) :)”, and it’s a little embarrassing how quickly after he hits the ‘send’ button that he tosses it over his shoulder so he’s not directly looking at it anymore. His heartbeat is too quick and he prays for no phantom vibrations or phantom sound notifications to avoid any disappointment of thinking he got a reply. It was a harmless text, yet he’s treating it like he just got assigned on a mission to go and murder someone for the first time. What will he do if you never text him back? Does that mean you really don’t want to talk to him? Are you dead in a ditch somewhere? Did you change numbers and not tell him? Did your twin get all the details and make the executive decision to block his number? Will he never get a chance to talk to you again, even if it’s about something in the Teyvat Mythology class next semester? Will you--

His shoulder screams in protest when he quickly flips himself over at the text notification sound, hands shakily unlocking his phone and opening up your conversation again. His heart rate significantly decreases, reaching back to its normal pace, especially as he reads the little words on his screen.

“Happy Holidays, Ajax ^^”

There is hope.

-

“You’re thinking about him, aren’t you?”

You’re huddled under the comforter of your twin’s bed, phone just peeking above the edge as you stare at it with a brightness in your eyes. For the most part, you had been sulking there, apart from meals and going back to your own room to sleep, and mentally berating yourself for the way you reacted to Childe the week before.

“He just texted me to say happy holidays,” shrugging to put on a facade of indifference. It’s stupid that you’re trying to hide your feelings from your twin of all people, who could pick apart and identify your emotions in a heartbeat. A roll of his eyes lets you know that you haven’t fooled him at all.

“So you think that whatever comment he made, which was very suggestive and indicative of clearly non-platonic feelings, was just something...friendly? Remind me again how you came to that conclusion?”

“I don’t know what I was thinking!” You whine, looking around to see if there was anything you could toss at him. “It’s just, with everything, all the dreams and stupid gut feelings, I just -- I don’t know, okay?? I can’t tell you enough how much I wish I had just kissed his stupid face and see where it goes from there.”

“Okay, gross, but don’t beat yourself up. Though...I do have a good idea on how to maybe get a good reaction out of him. You wanna go to the New Years’ celebration at Xiangling’s?”

“I think she’d threaten me with a knife if I didn’t. She wanted to go shopping at some point, too.”

“I’ll drop the overprotective brother act for one night, okay? One night, just to let this happen, and for your peace of mind.”

He does a fair amount of conspiring with Xiangling, a friend they met one time at a restaurant a couple years ago, even tagging along on the shopping trip. Together, the three of you find yourself a dress that Xiangling swears would make any person drool over you, including Childe, because at the end of the day, he was a person with the possibility of being attracted to you.

You think it’s a bit silly, but honestly, what do you have to lose at this point?

-

At 11:57PM on New Years’ Eve, Childe is standing outside in the freezing cold with his family, arms lifting up bags of sparklers and fireworks. They’ve driven out closer to the wild like they do every year, and everybody excitedly gets lighters ready, making sure someone’s got a clock out there that tells the seconds. As the younger kids open up the packaging and argue over which one to set off first, Childe’s phone vibrates in his coat pocket.

It’s 11:58PM when he manages to fish the device out and thank himself for buying gloves that are touch-screen friendly, excited to see that there are two texts from you, the latter reading, “Happy New Year!”. It doesn’t matter that you’re a little early, but he’s mainly intrigued by the fact a photo came before it. In his mind, you’re probably curled up with your twin brother, hopefully a selfie because wow, he misses your face.

He gets something else instead, and he is so glad that it’s dark outside and the electric lamp they have is too far away from him to draw any attention.

You have your arm around your brother’s waist and another girl’s that he doesn’t recognize, but it’s a full frontal view of your outfit, one that hugs your curves beautifully and shows more cleavage than he’s ever seen from you, sophisticated and elegant, yet fun and leaving enough to the imagination. There’s a bright smile coming from all of you, and you look like you’re at someone’s house or apartment with plenty of other people milling around in the back, but they don’t matter, not when all he can focus on is you.

Gorgeous, breathtaking, arousing, mind blowing, and gods, he wishes he could teleport to Liyue at this moment, find you, and kiss you right at midnight. Fuck the fact that he doesn’t exactly believe in superstitions like, “Kissing your significant other at midnight means you’ll last forever!” but he’s willing to take the chance with it on this night and the ones after, if he’s allowed. He tries not to think too much about pinning you against the wall and letting the world dissolve -- wants to be the one with the privilege to drag down that zipper and feel his bare skin on yours, and --

As Teucer starts yelling there’s only a minute left, he instinctively locks his phone and shoves it away out of anyone’s view. The last thing he needs is his family teasing him about ogling at your photo for a straight 50 seconds, wide-eyed and pupils on the verge of dilating, the visible breath leaving his mouth just a smudge more dense and prominent than usual.

The only thing he can do to distract himself from popping a boner in front of his parents is to join in on the countdown, making sure all the fireworks are set up correctly and grabbing a sparkler for himself. He waves it around with Tonia and promises to fulfill her wishes of taking one of those pictures right as she draws a pattern in the air. Their excitement is palpable and addicting, and even though the larger fireworks set off a few seconds after midnight hits, the nostalgia fills his lungs with fond memories and future wishes that they only continue this tradition for as long as possible, and hopefully, with you at his side.

-

When it’s 12:04AM, you get a picture message back of Childe bundled up in a black paletot coat, matching beanie and all, a gloved hand holding a sparkler and lips curved upwards, with a caption that says, “Happy New Year’s! See you soon :)”. You show it to Xiangling and your brother, both taking it as a win in their books, although the former does tipsily protest that there should be a better indicator of Childe’s brain breaking at how amazing you look right now. Maybe she’s prophetic, because another text chimes in and the words set you aflame, as well as suggestive whoops into your ears.

It’s a simple, “You look incredible btw”.

If you didn’t want to properly savor this moment, you would’ve found the nearest shot of the strongest liquor and tossed it back with abandon. But you want to remember the warmth in your veins that wasn’t from the alcohol or the heating, the fluttering of your heartbeat, the teeth-baring grin that you couldn’t fight off, the constant re-reading of those four words -- because they’re so different from everything you had been feeling before with him, the need for protection, the need to escape. Instead, you’d like to be in his arms right now and see for yourself how he’d look at you in this moment, and if he would take any action.

You want him to. So, so bad.

-

Childe spends his last week at home hating the fact that you’re just sitting around somewhere in Liyue, doing whatever you’re doing, probably doing some light preparation for your last semester of classes, and he’s not there to take advantage of all this free time and hang out with you. When classes start, it’ll be busy and hectic. You still have your thesis to finish and revise, and while that won’t eat up all your time, it’s still some that he’d want to fill in with his presence if he could. He debates whether or not he should ask for your schedule and compare it with his, maybe set up meetings every other day or propose that they all eat one meal together every day. Childe’s not quite sure of what you plan to do after graduation, as it hasn’t come up in conversation yet, but either way, he’s determined to stay in contact and make things work out. Long distance isn’t ideal, but with technology now, he’ll take it.

He feels a little bad for how excited he probably looked to be leaving home, uncharacteristic for the most part. His older siblings have already gone back to their respective homes, and it’s mainly Teucer and Tonia that worry and tear up when he starts packing his belongings. Tonia finds it unfair that Teucer got to meet you first and the latter makes sure to rub it into everyone’s faces. It’s hard for Childe to sleep on the plane because he’s thrumming with excitement, yet somehow even more nervous than usual when the plane hits small bouts of turbulence, and he doesn’t seem to relax until he sets foot back on campus.

He’s here. It’s January, and you’re physically closer to him than ever in the last two weeks.

-

“Found you.”

On the first day of classes, you’re sitting alone with some salad greens in a bowl, poking your fork at some scraps while you watch something on your phone, earbuds in and back towards the entrance of the canteen. It would explain the unannounced entrance of the very person who’s been at the forefront of nearly every thought in the last 96 hours, his fingers gingerly removing an earbud to surprise you as best as possible, and you startle in your seat.

Your heart kicks into overdrive when he hands you back your earbud and pulls out the seat next to you, setting his own plate of food down as he plops down in his chair. But then he says nothing afterwards, instead choosing to send you a cheeky grin before digging in. You’re left to slowly phase out of your state of shock, stuck between either running away or frantically texting your twin to come and save you even though he was off on a date with Keqing.

It’s not that you weren’t elated at the fact that Childe had done exactly as you told him last month, you just weren’t...prepared? It’s a shitty excuse and a cop out -- you’re mainly just having trouble with racking your brain to find the right words. What are you supposed to say? What should you do? Is it socially acceptable to lean over and kiss him on the cheek because that’s what you’d like to impulsively do at this very second??

“So you did,” you settle and steal a roasted potato wedge from his plate. It’s his turn to be taken by surprise, but he gets over it much quicker than you do. In fact, he spears two wedges and drops them in your bowl, smiling at you as best as he can with a mouth full of food. You give them your thanks before the silence settles in again.

“Did you have a good break?” He asks before his next bite.

“I did. You?”

“It was nice. My parents said I should’ve brought you and your twin home to spend the holidays with us. Can’t say it didn’t cross my mind before finals.”

Holy shit, what? “We couldn’t intrude like that, but that’s really nice of you guys.”

“That’s okay, there’s plenty of chances to visit later.”

You tilt your head and furrow your eyebrows. “But we graduate this semester?”

Childe challenges you with one of his own eyebrows raised. “And? Are we never gonna see each other again?”

Honestly, the possibility had occurred to you. You aren’t entirely sure of Childe’s plans after graduation, and if that meant he was staying in Liyue or going back to Snezhnaya or even moving to Inazuma or Mondstat. While people preach on and on about how lasting friendships and relationships are often formed during college, you believe it’s more common to slowly drift apart as life gets busier. And if Childe moved away, or if you did, it’d be hard to consistently keep in touch with 10 hour workdays.

The thought saddens you, regardless. You like him so much and you’re glad that he was even in your life to begin with, because as unbelievable as it sounds, seeing him was almost akin to the feeling of coming home. Amidst all your nerves, your confusion, your spiraling thoughts, something deeply sated in your heart was a comfort that you found with very few people in your life whenever in his presence.

The thought of leaving and never looking back somehow doesn’t feel new -- it’s bittersweet, but the air in your lungs feels like it’s surrendered to something, like it was to be expected.

“You can’t just leave without telling me--”

“It was last minute! I had no choice!”

“You could’ve written up a message, anything--”

“Can you imagine the position you’d be in if the message got intercepted? I wouldn’t have been safe, she’d make you come after me--”

“As if you’d be any safer in Inazuma of all places! That’s the one place I can’t easily get to!”

“I can take care of myself, Childe, I don’t need you to protect me.”

“This isn’t about me protecting you, (y/n) and -- stop walking, will you?!”

“Then what is this about?” You spin on your wheel with eyes aflame. “Why are you so angry with me? It’s normal for me to disappear for weeks at a time, why was this any different?”

“Because you could’ve died!” He yells back in despair, chest heaving. Your silence is his cue to continue. “You could’ve died and I wouldn’t have known until much later. You could’ve died and all I’d ever think about were the things I never got to say to you, and how I wish I had treated every day with you like it was our last.”

It isn’t hard to tell that you’re stunned and at a complete loss for words. Childe often hides behind facades of charm and wit, and only when he is truly weak does he choose to be this vulnerable, baring his heart for you to see.

“I only have two nightmares in this world. One, my family being harmed in any way. Two, reading in a report or hearing from an agent that you’ve been captured and killed.”

“I like to think that we will.”

His hand reaches out to lay on top of yours, giving it a quick squeeze. “Well, let’s make the most of it this semester.”

Conversation afterwards is easy, filling each other in on holiday activities. Childe speaks extensively about several family traditions and you listen with rapt attention, basking in how fond he is of all of them. Even as you both bring your dishes to the return belt and leave, he immediately offers to drive you both somewhere to get boba, noticing your reluctance to part ways. But boba shops have to close, and you both have class tomorrow morning, and you’re both finding any excuse to keep talking, even if that means sitting outside your dorm building on a nearby bench.

You eventually bid each other good night’s and see you later’s, him refusing to walk away until the heavy door locks shut behind you after you swipe your student ID, and you looking over your shoulder to watch his figure disappear into the night.

-

True to his intentions, Childe makes great efforts to meet you at least once a day, and he can’t get enough. Each parting from you tugs and tugs at his heart, as if there’s a high possibility you’ll never want to see him again the next day, and he wouldn’t know what to do with himself. Your twin and Childe get along well for the most part, and he even meets Xiangling on one of her shifts at her regular restaurant, who sends you a salacious wink and an eyebrow wiggle over his shoulder that nearly causes you to burst from embarrassment.

February rolls over without a hitch, even if you’re a little disappointed that Childe didn’t make a move for Valentine’s Day. Granted, you two still spent time with each other and he’s so darn physically affectionate and he bought you a carnation from the event his dorm held, but you wish you had the guts to fess up and just kiss the man.

It’ll happen some day, you tell yourself. You have time before graduation.

Two days before the end of the Friday that would signal the start of Spring Break, you wake up in a cold sweat, mind reeling and head splitting, heart so so heavy, as a connection is made between your present and your dreams. Not long after, there are tears streaming silently down your face and into your open palms placed in your lap, and you sit in shock as everything comes back to you. Memories are such treasured burdens, you realize.

For the most part, you had gotten used to the dreams, choosing to take charge of what you know and feel now with Childe over succumbing to some strange neurological premonitions. Especially in your dreams when many people’s faces were blurred over and hazy, and the only things you could rely on were voices, touch, and other physical features. You thought that maybe your mind was just playing tricks by transposing Childe’s hair onto a body that was also strikingly similar to his, but for the first time last night, you could see each defining feature on his face as clear as day.

The sight of his figure arching gracefully over yours, the water arrows that appeared out of thin air, the back that protected you from some military men, the voice that said, “Hey girlie, hold still.”

And that was when you had snapped awake to your current state.

Past the initial shock and uncontrollable tears, you soon bent over as sobs wracked your chest, overwhelmed by all the emotions and the pain the memories brought you; losing your twin, finding him to only be left with even more questions after roaming for decades and decades, meeting all your loved ones throughout Mondstat and Liyue, fighting yet falling so hard for Childe, feeling the fear when facing his Foul Legacy form, hating him for Osial, loving him, breathing heavily as the tip of your blade was pointed at his neck and his own just centimeters from yours, tendrils of water inching closer and closer--

Everything makes sense now.

When you meet your twin for lunch at the cafeteria, you pay no mind to the fact that you’re in public and hug him harder than you ever have in years. He’s already a little alarmed that your eyes seem swollen and you look like finals came two months early, but when he asks what’s wrong, all he gets is a shake of your head and nothing more than, “Just a bad nightmare. I love you, y’know that?”

“I love you too?”

“Don’t sound so unsure, now let’s go and get in line before they run out of Jueyun Chili Chicken.”

Even when you meet Xiao later in the early evening to talk about your thesis, you find yourself holding back more tears just two minutes in, reminded of his past and his own life, and he’s moderately concerned, hesitantly handing you a tissue from the corner of his desk when a stray tear escapes. “Is everything okay?” He hesitantly asks, really hoping that he didn’t do anything to make you cry.

“No,” you almost wail and sniffle while dabbing at your eyes. “Sorry, it’s just been a really long day.”

Xiao’s inquisitive gaze softens, remembering how hard undergraduate life could be sometimes. Graduate school was a whole other level, but that shouldn’t discount your own personal difficulties. Plus, in all of the year and a half that he’s known you, you’ve never broken down like this before in front of him.

“You work really hard, Xiao,” you continue, and he’s not sure where this is coming from. “You’re always so helpful and willing to work with me and answer my stupid questions and like-- you practice self-care, right?”

Xiao nods as a white lie, but it seems to comfort you. Maybe too much because you pull him in for a quick and unexpected hug, and you both decide to reschedule this meeting for tomorrow.

As per usual, you wait for Childe to join you for dinner since you finished up earlier than expected. It gives you more time to think about everyone from Mondstat -- Kaeya, Diluc, Lisa, Jean, Amber...funny to think that some things never changed as you compared their past version to the ones you know now.

“Mora for your thoughts?”

There’s a peace that warms your heart when you hear Childe’s voice, one that forces you to smile at him as he sits down next to you. “Just thinking about old friends.”

“I have to admit, I’ll be a little jealous if it’s another guy taking up more space than me in that pretty brain of yours.”

What a flirt. This man isn’t good for your heart. “Who said you had any to begin with?”

He dramatically places a hand over his heart. “You wound me, (y/n). How will I ever recover?”

“You’re ridiculous,” you snicker. Childe reaches over to pinch your cheek and you bat at him in protest. Easily, he grabs one of your hands and simply pulls you towards the food lines, knowing that you’ll stop fighting back soon.

Part of it feels strange now to feel and see his hands with no leather gloves on.

“Childe,” you start halfway through your meal, continuing after he hums back in reply. “Do you believe in reincarnation?”

He freezes briefly, but recovers so quickly that if you hadn’t been watching so closely, you wouldn’t have noticed. “I think it’s neat, the idea of having past lives. Why do you ask?”

What he really wants to ask is if you’ve been having those dreams, too; if he’s starring in your nights like you have been in his.

“Just a thought, especially since you’re taking Teyvat Myth now, too.”

“Do you...do you think if there was a past life, that we knew each other?”

There’s something about the look of content on your face before you meet his gaze -- he thinks that you know more than you’re letting on but you’re holding back for some reason. He wants to know what’s going through your brain right now, why the fondness in your eyes sends a jolt through him like he’s been searching for it all his life, if you know anything about this magnetic pull between you two.

“I like to think that we knew each other well.”

-

Even though the first day of your returned memories was somewhat eventful, you couldn’t help but feel yourself wanting to pull back from Childe -- at least, until you can successfully compartmentalize which emotions belonged to you past self and which ones belonged to your current mindset. You didn’t quite agree with his duties and his affiliation with the Fatui back then, even if he had his reasons that did make sense, to some degree.

The killing, the threatening, so intent on stealing Rex Lapis’s Gnosis in the name of the Tsaritsa, summoning Osial as a mean to an end -- and you definitely can’t forget how stubborn he was in not listening to your protests, so caught up in his brain that you had betrayed him and sent you plummeting to a near-death experience despite his earlier promise of no intention of killing you specifically.

Everything had been toeing a faint, thin line with Childe then. Undeniable chemistry and tension, guarding yourself for yours and Paimon’s safety, slashing at Fatui agents, whispering out pleas and affirmations of “I’m yours” while riding him, sometimes having to sneak out in the mornings…

The only thing you don’t remember is how everything ends -- maybe it’ll come back to you eventually, but for now, you think you’re okay not knowing.

If Childe still doesn’t remember anything from back then, you think it’d be unfair to spend time with him in all your conflicting emotions, even when it’s spring break, where you have so much more hours in the day to be with each other than normal. Fun plans around Liyue had been made, like a two-day one-night trip to Yaoguang Shoal, and you’re this close to cancelling on him.

But he had been looking forward to it so much, even made most of the preparations for it. Who are you to rob that joy from him when it was you who couldn’t figure out your own shit? Are you self-destructing?

Perhaps.

Before you know it, you’re sitting in the passenger seat of his car, staring out the window at the scenery. Somehow, it pleased you to see that the nature of Liyue had been carefully preserved over the many centuries despite its development into the modern age. You get lost in picking apart the differences between then and now that you don’t notice how quiet you’ve fallen and Childe looks over worriedly when you show no reaction to your favorite songs playing on the stereo.

Even when he calls your name once, twice, nothing gives as you clearly have tuned everything out. So he leaves you be until there’s about half an hour left on the drive, unable to hold back and succumbing to reach over for your hand. You startle so strongly that he almost feels bad for having done it unannounced. But what’s even more disturbing is that this isn’t really the first time.

You’ve been talking to him less, often sitting quietly and staring off into another world that he can’t seem to reach. His texts are answered less frequently and with less wit and enthusiasm, so much so that he just appreciates you still show up to see him. Each time he asks if you’re okay, you always affirm that you are. He’s had a hard time believing you, but Childe believes you’ll tell him when you’re ready, surely.

It’s a little ironic yet fateful that Childe planned to bring you here, of all places. In the past, you had spent many days and nights running around in the sand with him, fighting slimes and hilichurls and collecting starconches for him. You remember laying on a large towel next to him as you both looked up into the sky, pointing out stars and constellations while sharing endless kisses away from prying, spying eyes.

“I’m sorry, I must’ve zoned out,” you sincerely apologize.

“It’s okay, I just wanna make sure you relax while we’re here. This is supposed to be a vacation.”

“You’re right,” you agree and squeeze his hand. “Let’s make the most of it before we become adults who are too busy to have fun like this again.”

And you do. Childe rented a small beach cabin (rich boys) closer to one end of the shoreline, just big enough with two bedrooms, a bathroom, and a small kitchen with a dining table. You help him bring in your bags and some groceries bought the night before, setting them down quickly so you can peer out the window again to take in the view. Childe picked a good time, too. Although it’d be a little chilly at night, the day was still warm and mainly overcast with clouds.

“What do you say we change into our swimsuits and head down to the water?”

“Sure.”

Childe hadn’t really been expecting for you to step out in a large, casual tee and gym shorts, one shoulder exposed. He might have been hoping to see a little more skin, but his mother didn’t raise a chauvinistic pervert for a son.

The light in your eyes as you both approach the water is everything he had been missing the last few days, your excitement and joy contagious. As soon as you place everything down on the sand, you kick off your flip flops and leave him behind to step into the water, giggling at feeling the waves crash over your ankles and bring sand between your toes. Childe approaches you from behind and starts smearing sunblock on the back of your neck, to which you just grin beautifully at him in thanks and he has to fight off the desire to kiss you right then and there.

You’re too caught up in embracing the ocean afterwards to feel the shrinking distance between you two, mistaking his warmth for the general spring air. It isn’t until he’s done with your shoulders that he hands you the bottle to leave you to do the rest of your body, and when you turn to thank him, he’s much closer than you remember. His eyes are gentle, holding your gaze and almost daring you to look away first.

But if there’s one thing you can place without a shred of doubt, it is the unmistakable look of love, because you had seen it many, many times before without knowing until later what it meant.

How so incredibly lucky you were to have Childe back in your life now, loving you all the same, and with no life-threatening barriers. Fate or the Archons have given you a second chance, and you’d be damned to take it for granted.

Childe welcomes your lips against his, wasting no time to bring you into his arms so you’re pressed against him as much as possible. He can’t care for the overt public display of affection because this is everything he’s wanted for months now, waiting patiently for you to give him permission to make you his. Your lips are incredibly soft and pliant against his as you first kiss him patiently, then applying more force and desperation to taste more of him. He mirrors you, one hand cradling the back of your head and the other on your neck with a thumb extended to your jawline, teeth moving to nip at your bottom lip. It’s dangerous, the way you smile against his lips, and when he sinks his teeth in deeper before pulling back, your quiet mewl nearly drives him over the edge.

But you’re in public, and this was an amazing first kiss. You two have a beach to enjoy and a fun night planned, and now that he doesn’t have to hold back on his affections, it’ll be even better.

His lips part from yours regretfully, his eyes languidly opening to meet yours. Out of the corner of his eye, he spots a blue starconch in the sand and freezes.

It’s not that he’s never seen one before, but something clicks. You. The shore. Starconches. Starry nights. His dreams. Monsters. Gods. Fighting. So much fighting. Training. His family. Dragons. You. Falling. You falling. You fighting him. Yelling. Kissing. Loving. Chasing. Him chasing you before you disappear at a teleport waypoint that somehow you only can operate. The abyss. Your twin.

Oh, Archons.

“ -ou okay, Ajax? Ajax?”

He snaps to look at you again. How does he go about this? How does he ask?

“(Y/n)...have you ever heard of the Fatui Harbingers?”

He has to admit that it’s a bit amazing to be able to identify all the emotions that cross your complexion, from curiosity to realization to conflicted. You’re actively trying to piece everything together without revealing too much on the off-chance that you’re wrong, that Childe hasn’t regained his memories and is just asking about something from class randomly and completely out of the blue.

Wait.

“You haven’t reached that material yet in class,” you whisper, heart in your throat at the realization. Could it really be…

“I was once Tartaglia, eleventh Harbinger of the Fatui, who possessed a Delusion and used my Foul Legacy Transformation with you several times,” he murmurs back, tucking a stray tendril behind your ear. “Is it too late to apologize again for summoning an ancient god and letting you fall about five floors with no warning?”

He should’ve been prepared for you wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him in for a tight embrace. “No, never, but I spent weeks after kicking your ass so you’ve been long forgiven.”

Childe burrows his face into your neck, breathing in your scent and basking in this moment. There was so much to talk about, but you two arguably had more time in the world than ever with nothing holding you back. There was no impending war looming over, no one on the run, no opposing forces. His silent wish for a different life with you seems to have been answered finally. If running into you had been the event to set everything in motion, he only wishes he’d done so earlier.

All that matters now is you’re here together in this plane of existence, given a chance to love again, and experience everything you couldn't before.

As written in the stars, take my soul for it is forever yours.

fin