#I love being bisexual <- my only thoughts while drawing

[seagiri]

ahaha

[crossbackpoke-check]

re last answer: please don't stop, being very unhinged about these two pretty white boys is helping distract me from the sharks losing streak rn so bring it on

https://www.tumblr.com/bondedpairs/764566430180147200?source=share

(sideblog woes but there's the link for you) anyway in the vid they talk about going over to each other's houses to have dinner and things and while that is a delicious example of their codependence i love it bc through an rpf lens there is definitely some old man ******* going on. they can have the dilfs and each other.

(someone else mentioned kept boys which i could write an essay on but i fear being Perceived™️)

anyway if you have anything to add to this please do, if not ignore me and i will hide under a rock until the stress-related insanity has worn off and i am a functioning member of society once more 😂

- @bondedpairs

ty for the video!!! and please, WRITE THE KEPT BOYS ESSAYYYY i promise i will read it with my hands over my eyes if you don’t want to be perceived. do it scared!! do it anyway!! we’ll all love you for it!!!

[mytheoristavenue]

LF Creature x Reader - Mutal Comfort

Summary: You owed Lisa a favor, but you never expected she'd make you pay it back in the form of babysitting her undead boytoy while she goes to a party.

Warnings: rushed/not proofread, bisexual!reader, reader has an unreciprocated crush on Lisa, angst, fem!reader

"Lisa, I never agreed to this!" You shouted at your best friend as she hurried over to crawl back out of your window.

"I promise I'll make it up," she waved you off, sliding the glass panel up. "It's just for the night, I swear. I'll be back before school."

With that she was gone, hearing no other protests. You stood with your back flattened against the wall, frightened gaze never leaving the thing on the other side of your bedroom.

You were the only person who knew of Creature's presence, being Lisa's very best friend for life or whatever. You'd do anything for her but babysitting her undead little pet was definitely stretching boundaries.

You felt some guilt for your terror, after all, he did look incredibly somber, shrinking into the opposite corner. Maybe he felt bad for scaring you?

"S-Soo...uh," you started, pushing off the wall but only by mere centimeters. "Y-You...Lisa's new boyfriend?" The thing seemed rigid at the thought and reluctantly shook his head. "Let me guess, you wanna be?" You prodded, inching closer still. Another timid nod. The two of you had that in common, apparently.

"You and me both," you sighed, sitting on the edge of your bed. Creature eyed you skeptically, still in the corner but not as glued to the wall as before. "Don't look at me like that, I don't mean I want to be her boyfriend." You paused, wondering if his expression was caused by the thought of you being gay or wanting to be a male, or maybe he was jealous at the thought of competition. "But, I don't know, being girlfriends might be nice..."

By this time, he'd inched close enough to sit on the other side of the bed, still as far away on it as possible, though. You took this as a sign to continue. "It's just that, me and Lis have been besties since like- kindergarten. I even convinced my parents to move her with her after her mom died and it feels like all she does is blow me off now," you ranted. "Like, before the incident, we'd have these long talks about the future, and we were always in each other's but now...I don't know anymore..."

An anguished moan was his only response as he drew his discolored hand to his chest. "Sorry," you said dropping your head. "I know you've gotta be hurting too listening to her ramble on about-" You brought your hands to your cheeks and batted your lashes, making your voice an octave higher to imitate your crush. "Micheal Trent!" He nodded, rolling his eyes slightly. "Y'know, I really don't know what she sees in him? Dude's a class A poser. He pretends to be into all that dark music and poetry but it's literally just to look cool and mysterious so all the preppy girls will fall in love with him."

While you ranted, Creature studied your room, noting how different it was from Lisa's. She had string lights, drawings, and moody posters all over her walls, while yours were tidy and well-organized with framed photos and prints of paintings that matched the color scheme of the walls. Eventually, you caught onto his staring and fell quiet prompting him to glance back to you.

"Didn't mean to fly off the handle, my bad." you muttered, standing up with a sigh. "Anyways, what do you like to do? Got any hobbies?" He stood up with you, wandering over to a keyboard that had collected dust in the corner. Curiously, he stuck a key and cringed at the sound it made. You joined him, explaining it. "That's just my old keyboard. I used to play piano as a kid but when we moved here we couldn't take my piano with us, so my dad got me this. It's kinda like an electric piano, only it's portable. Don't really like it though, too synthy for my taste."

Creature sat down in front of it, fumbling with the buttons on the control board while trying out the keys after each adjustment. Finally, he seemed to have found a setting he liked. "I'm guessing you play?" you cocked a brow. You couldn't have predicted how the cocky smirk then tossed you would make you feel. Following that, he threaded his finders together before pushing them out, cracking his knuckles before dramatically slamming down on the keys.

"Holy shit," you breathed, listening to the classical tune that filled your room. Needless to say, he played beautifully and was incredibly talented. At one point, he even glanced up at you with another shit-eating grin, showcasing the fact that he knew the positions by memory and didn't even need to look.

"You're amazing!" you explained when the song was finished, placing your hands on either shoulder and rocking him gently. "I've never seen that much musical skill from one person! What, were you like a professional pianist in your first life or something?"

To your surprise, he actually nodded. "Jesus christ man, I've never even heard that song before, did you write that?" He nodded again, and again, you were flabbergasted. "I bet you had an extraordinarily hard life." You muttered without thinking. "Art like that only comes out of suffering." As he nodded yet again, this time more bashfully, the two of you shared a moment of silence.

"I'm sorry, that was rude," you realized, glancing away. This time, Creature shook his head, an uncharacteristically peachy hand guiding your face back toward his as he stepped closer. For a moment, you waited to see what wisdom he had to offer, before remembering that no words would come as he stared at you, only able to offer a comforting gaze. "I wish you could talk," you whispered as he pulled you into his chest without you even realizing it. "But then again, maybe it's better you can't." you retorted to yourself bitterly. "I've had enough people tell me to cheer up because life gets better."

Creature stiffened, pushing you to hold you at arm's length, shaking his head again. "You think you got something better?" you asked, rhetorically.

Sensing your irritation, he resigned himself to giving up on communication for now. Taking matters into his own hands, he pressed a palm to his heart, a sign for you to trust him. Gently, he guided you back to your bed, pushing you down onto it. Awkwardly, Creature untucked the quilt from the bed a threw it over you, signalling for you to lay down, before tucking you in. You reluctantly followed his instruction, laying down on your side, tears welling in your eyes from all the overwhelming emotion bubbling inside you. You then watched as he made his way over to your desk, seeming to write something on a sheet of notebook paper Following this, he laid the note at your feet as he took a seat in front of the keyboard again.

You couldn't deny that you were beginning to feel drowsy after the soft music he played filled the room. This song was nothing like the first one. It was sweet and serene, unlike the dark and dramatic one he'd first played- with that cocky grin that made you feel so conflicted.

On the cusp of needing to rest your eyes, you remembered the note he'd left for you, briefly sitting up to reach it before laying back down, holding it up in the air to read what it said as he played your consciousness out.

"The sun does not ever reappear if the rain never stops. To live happily is to find solace in any weather. With the right balance, the flowers will begin to bloom. I hope to one day see a lush garden in you, darling."

[seireitonin]

Introducing my Creepypasta OC :3

She’s been on my mind for about 2 years! I just never talked about her bc I didn’t know where to start! Also I didn’t have anyone to draw her so I didn’t know how to properly introduce her! I was not about to use AI art😭 so I had to use an avatar app to give people an idea on how she looks! So it might be a bit inconsistent but I’ll explain it as best as I can! Anyway onto the fun yapping

Welcome to the Creepypasta Fabdom: Sebastia!!!!

Name: Sebastia

Age: 27

Race: Black

Sexual orientation: Bisexual

Gender: female

Height: 5’6

Eye color: brown(normal form) red(monster form)

Hair color: black (although she does enjoy adding different colored highlights)

Hair length: 26 inches, straightened has emo hair fringe going to the left

Her arms and legs are permanently black but the black stops at her knees and elbows and fades into her normal dark brown skin color.

Wears her normal emo fashion, she wants to pretend to be normal as much as possible

She kept her piercings, snake bites with spikes, a septum ring with spikes instead of balls, small spiked nostril piercings on each nostril

What’s she like? How’d she get this way?

She has an extremely anxious personality and a distrust of men

A man she met and was head over heels for betrayed her and took her to a lab as a test subject

She was so in love with him, she ignored all the red flags that came with him

All she cared about was him, putting her own safety to the side to be with him

He manipulated her into being part of something called the “God project”

Where she was tested on to be “made in gods image”

Whatever her captors thought “god” looked like they tried to turn her into

The pseudo scientists made something call “miracle cells” because they thought they were doing “gods work”

She was injected with those daily, causing a painful transformation

An ex-ray of her body shows that’s the “miracle cells” formed a new life inside her body and is embedded in her

The cells built themselves up in her body, taking the form of multiple mouths, that burst out of her scalp when threatened, causing her to loose a lot of blood, causing it look leak down her face. Every single time.

It’s painful every time she needs to fight

The cells are now a sentient being in her that she’s stuck with. It talks to her and protects her.

But it will say and do anything to keep Sebastia/ itself safe. Even if it has to manipulate her or lie to her. So sometimes it’s hard for her to think for herself or clearly

The form where the being forces itself out of her scalp is dubbed her “miracle form”

It also makes her eyes turn red, and forces sharp teeth to grow out of her cheeks along with 2 extra mouths on each side of her face. The teeth in her mouth are also sharp and her tongue turns grey. All while bleeding heavily from the head

When Sebastia speaks in this form it’s like multiple voices speaking along side her own

Since the being is made of “miracle cells” she’s called the being inside her Miracle

Sebastia doesn’t know exactly what Miracle is she killed all her captors brutally before she could find answers

She didn’t want to be turned any farther

Miracle told her to do it so she wouldn’t find out what it really is. So no one knows what Miracle truly is or why it’s choosing to help Sebastia.

It’s it a demon? A recreation of one? A recreation of god? Who knows?

Sebastia has no idea what Miracle is supposed to look like she can only guess through the changes in her own physical appearance such as the teeth and eyes and the black tendril like mouths but other than that she has no idea

No one does

Sebastia was kept in that lab for 6 months

But she didn’t want to go back to her normal life

Not like this

So she roamed in the forest, surviving off the food in abandoned campsites and cabins and sleeping there too

She one day hopes to go back to her normal life but she’s not sure if she ever can

What the tests and “scientists��� did to her causes her pain and torment every day, especially because she had no one but Miracle itself to talk to and that’s a literal sentient piece of her trauma

Her autonomy is gone and she doesn’t fully recognize herself

So she clings to things she loved when she was normal

Such as emo fashion, video games, music, makeup etc

But it brings back memories of her friends, family and normal life so it’s painful for her

She has nightmares about being back in the lab

She hates herself for letting herself be manipulated by a man she loved and feels stupid for trusting him

Kinda blames herself for all of this

How does Sebastia fight?

Sebastia hates fighting and will only do it if she thinks it’s necessary. Mainly because she wants to be as normal as possible and because it’s a painful transformation to go through when the tendril like mouths burst out of her scalp

The “ tounges” of the mouths are pieces on her brain so it’s even harder for her to think clearly when her mind is literally being scrambled

When not fighting her brain is normal for the most part. Like all the pieces are in place

Miracle fights for/ with her by wrapping around people and squeezing them to death, biting/ eating people, holding people by their arms or legs so Sebastia can hurt them with any weapon she has on hand, slamming its tendrils into people sending them flying, hitting people multiple times by becoming smaller and sometimes just straight up throwing people

Miracle also defends her by blocking attacks and shielding Sebastia. It can’t be hurt by normal weapons but Sebastias body can.

So it blocks and defends her. Last resort it’ll retreat back inside her and act as a shield from inside of her so she can’t be pierced through completely. Only her skin.

If Sebastia is hurt, Miracle will heal her by using its mouths to keep the wound closed and heal over itself

Like weird stitches almost

But it’s really painful for Sebastia

Miracle can lift Sebastia high into the air by opening its mouths from her head putting its self to the ground and stretching upwards

Sebastia can move around like this too so sometimes she doesn’t even have to use her own legs

If she has a gun or a ranged weapon shell shoot at people from above

She loves guns especially if she customizes them to go with her outfits

But she also uses a scythe when shes melee fighting

The scythe comes apart to be a whip too(she’s had nothing but time to work on these things and she’s paranoid that people might be looking for her too)

There are no limits to how many mouths can come out of her head

When the mouths are out of her head her long black hair gets soaked with blood, so she constantly has to wash it and she hates it

The more control Sebastia gives Miracle, the more her appearance changes

If she gives more control her eyes go white to match Miracles instead of the normal red when she’s mostly in control

The mouths of Miracle can also grow and shrink depending on the situation example:

Another form she has is when she lets Miracle have complete control but that’s a last resort. She doesn’t fully know if she can come back from it

Her skin turns all black the she grows mouths on her physical body too, not just coming out of her head

She also can’t think for herself at all as miracle will just control her

So she refuses to go into that form even though it’s her strongest one

Relationships with the other Creepypastas?

Doesn’t trust men so she doesn’t like any of the men at first and won’t even let them touch her or be alone in a room with them

Sebastia is sweet and doesn’t want to hate anyone but she feels as if she has no choice and it’s the only way to keep herself safe

She’s also really jumpy and anxious

But when she’s calm around you she’s goofy and kind. It’s not her goal to be mean even if she feels like she has to come off that way

Toby- she really doesn’t like him at first and even tries to kill him (mainly because Miracle manipulated her into thinking he was trying to kill her when they first met) but after months and months she understands that not trying to hurt her even though Toby’s kinda mean. Sebastia learns that he loves his mother and sister and is kinder to women so she starts to trust him they even start hanging out one on one which is a huge step for her. Toby’s odd, rude and cruel humor mixes weirdly well with her goofiness since she likes to laugh. So Toby tries his best to make her laugh with stupid stuff. It inflates his ego. Maybe one day she’ll be able to give Toby a hug. (She’s in love with him but is still scared to be touched by men. Also embarrassed to like a man at all. Also the whole monster inside her thing makes it hard to have a relationship with anyone)

Eyeless Jack: they actually get along really well! You know with the whole “monster inside you and now your normal life is ruined and taken from you” Sebastia is always trying to find a way to be normal again and is always asking for EJs help since she relates to him. But it’s hard since she doesn’t want to be touched yet and he can’t really run tests on her or even do checkups. Sebastia hopes that soon she’ll let herself be touched so they can figure out if either of them can be semi normal again. He’s one of the few men Sebastia actually trusts. He has calm energy ironically.

Jane: Sebastia loves Jane. And I mean LOVES. She basically was head over heels for Jane the first time she saw her. Also the first point of physical skin on skin contact she’s had in months. Jane was one of the first people Sebastia clung to because she was so nice to her. (Also female) she’s in love with Jane but will never confess to that. They especially relate to each other because their lives were ruined/ changed because of a man. Jane came with her anytime she had to be around one of the guys so Sebastia wouldn’t be alone. Spent lots of time together. It feels so nice to have a friend she can relax completely around. And she doesn’t want to lose that so she keeps her feelings for Jane to herself.

Nina: Sebastia hates Nina a first. Like a lot. She found Nina’s weird obsession over Jeff ridiculous and degrading. Sebastia hated how Nina centered Jeff in her life. It’s mainly because Sebastia saw herself in Nina. And she was ashamed of it. After months of screaming and fighting with each other, Sebastia finally comes to terms with the fact she’s being a huge hypocrite and apologizes. Nina tells her why she is the way she is with Jeff and how he manipulated her and ruined her life like he did with Jane. She just can’t seem to get over him or give him up despite how bad she wants to. They end up becoming friends too. Especially over emo stuff. Feels so nice to have a friend to go to concerts with. Sebastia also has romantic feelings for Nina too. (Sebastia will fall in love and cling to almost anyone who’s nice to her, but women especially. It’s always been a huge problem for her)

Jeff: hates him. He ruined Jane and Nina’s lives. Thinks he’s egocentric and narcissistic and not in a charming way like Toby. She doesn’t actively try to fight him or antagonize him, but she tries to avoid him as much as possible. She tries to hide it as best as she can, but I’m sure Jeff knows and messes with her causing her to violently lash out at him.

Sally: loves her like she would a little sister and will protect her at all costs. Especially because Sebastia had wanted kids before her life went this way. Sally and her both don’t trust men, except for the ones they both know.

BEN: indifferent to him but nice. Mainly because she doesn’t exactly understand what Ben is? So she’s just nice to him and doesn’t ask many questions. Fun to play video games with and be a nerd with though, even though he kinda creeps her out. But he hasn’t done anything to her so why antagonize him? Especially because she literally doesn’t know what he is or how she’d fight him.

Laughing Jack: Tries to understand him. But is still unsettled by his presence. He’s loud and weird and really creepy in a way only LJ can be. But he does make her laugh, so there’s that. She will never ever want to be alone in a room with him, not because he’d do anything weird to her, but because he’s a lot to handle and again she’s unsettled by him, even though she wants to like him. Their relationship is weird. Sebastia hopes they can be better friends. But his happy energy feels so fake and disingenuous that it’s damn near impossible to trust him.

Jason the toymaker: hates him. Literally takes women and turns them into his personal toys. Could never like someone like that.

Candy Pop: hates him. Sees women as objects and once again, can’t really like someone like that. Maybe if she found out that candy pop was once in love with a woman and is possessed by a monster like she is she’ll come around. Big maybe though

Puppeteer: doesn’t like him. Mainly because of how he treats Erma.

Slenderman: She literally can’t even comprehend what he is? So she just takes Toby’s word for it that he keeps them safe as long as they do what he says.

Masky: doesn’t know him that well, but no ill will towards him. But she’s not gonna go out of her way to be friends with him so she’s just surface level nice to him. Also Sebastia hates the smell of cigarette smoke so she’d rather not be around him

Hoodie: they’ve never spoke. Only knows a bit about him from Toby. So she has no feelings towards him

Clockwork: she likes her. Not as close with her as she is with Nina and Jane but they’re cool. Feels awkward around clockwork because Sebastia has a crush on Toby but she knows they’re exs. Also Sebastia feels jealous and Miracle literally encourages her to be jealous. Sebastia is at least aware enough to recognize it’s ridiculous to be jealous. Sebastia also over thinks a lot: if her and Toby hypothetically got together would clockwork hate her? It makes her sick to think about because she doesn’t want to hurt Clockworks feelings. She shoves the jealousy away and is nice to Clockwork regardless. Especially because they both have bad history with men, they both respect each other and check on each other. Sebastia thinks Clockwork is so pretty.

Kate: Sebastia and Kate have a surface level friendship and get along just fine. She likes Kate’s mask a lot!

Bloody Painter: Sebastia thinks his art is cool. Since BP is quiet, they don’t talk much. But when they do, their conversations are short and sweet. But Sebastia knows he’s dangerous despite how quiet and soft spoken he is. But she respects how he’s not rude and keeps to himself.

Random facts about Sebastia

Loves sweet foods the most

Her favorite desserts are sugar cookies with frosting, really good chocolate chip cookies, vanilla cake and ice cream

Her favorite food is sushi. A close second is seafood boils. She likes to eat messy with her hands sometimes. Third would be bira ramen

Her favorite color is dark blue, especially if it’s along side a dark purple, so you’ll see those colors in her outfits and hair. Opposite to that she likes red and hot pink. But she wears a lot of black along side all those colors

She’s scared of the dark and spiders(despite her kinda looking like one sometimes with all those mouths going everywhere when they’re holding her up on something)

Her arms and legs are permanently black no matter what form she’s in but she covers them with wrapping bandages or accessories.

They fade into her normal skin tone at the elbows and knees but she thinks it looks kinda cool

Sometimes will leave her fingers exposed especially if she paints her nails

Wants to go back to her normal life after she gets everything under control, but if she can’t she enjoys being here with everyone so that’s a good thing

Another branch of scientists are after her but she’s hidden pretty well and can fight them if necessary

Sometimes wonders what Miracle is supposed to actually look like, she can’t comprehend it if she tried

She’s happy she can somewhat blend in with humans with her normal looking form. She enjoys still being able to do the things she liked before

Wanted a family and kids before this all happened but Sally is good practice, even though Sally is technically older than her and more mature than your average child

Has to carry around sweets with her so in case she fights and looses blood, she doesn’t loose consciousness

It’s kinda funny to see her fighting then have to whip out a cupcake and eat it

Miracle can keep fighting even if Sebastia is unconscious, it’s kinda creepy to see a limp body have mouths coming out of it and fighting especially with the blood everywhere

Sebastia loves to eat, especially because she couldn’t eat what she wanted in the lab

Loves sweet smelling perfumes

Her birthday is July 14th

Loves being warm so she loves summer

Miracles mouths and the ones that come out of Sebastias head look like this (minus the sword) and many mouths can come out of Sibastias head as needed at once

Sebastia doesn’t know if Miracle likes being called “Miracle” and she’s scared to ask (what if it wants to be called something weird?!)

Sebastia has snake bites, a septum and nostril piercings, all of them with spiked jewelry

She wants more and might let Nina do them!

That’s all I got for now!! Here’s a doodle someone made for me on discord! Thank you sm!!!

If you read all this, thank you!! I really appreciate it! I love Sebastia sm and I really wanted to talk about her :3 I’m honestly surprised it took this long and I hope you guys enjoy her too:3 this was my first time making a Creepypasta OC ironically. At least one where I thought out a whole story for them. Here’s a Sebiastia mood board to finish:3

[aritany]

On Identity: The Truth

Content warnings: homophobia, transphobia, references to self harm and suicide.

I’ve been keeping secrets my whole life.

I’m 10 and I’m listening to my dad at the dinner table, who I know to be the most trustworthy person in the world. He talks about the legalization of marriage between two people of the same sex and asks us to consider the implications. Where do we draw the line in the sand? Legalizing gay marriage paves the way for legalizing pedophilia, after all. If a union between two men or two women isn’t disrespecting the sanctity of marriage, what’s next? Marriage between men and animals?

I’m 11 the first time I hear it: “It doesn’t matter how low I set the bar for you, you still can’t reach it.”

I’m confused and afraid—I’m trying so hard—but I hear it then, and again, and again, spoken low in disappointment, shouted with a vein popping in her forehead, cold like a fact, and it sinks in, bone deep.

I’m 12 with my first crush on a girl. I’m not confused, I know that’s what it is—I want to kiss my friend, and I already know not to talk about it. Never to talk about it. It isn’t safe.

I’m 13 and doubting. I throw myself into fitting in. I pick the right boys to like and I go overboard, and I do like them, I do, I do, I want them to like me, I want to be their friend. I want to be their equal, but that’s not quite how the story goes, so I settle for trying to hold hands with somebody I desperately crave respect from, but that’s wrong too, I learn. 

I’m 14 and convicted. How could this be wrong? I brush hands with a girl in choir and we meet eyes and I know. I watch a gay kiss on TV and I sob into my hands and I tell no one, no one, no one.

I’m 15 and I come out to my mom, haltingly, with the terminology that I have, because the thought of hiding forever—keeping quiet through one more dinner—kills me.

She tells me no. She tells me I’m wrong.

I look in her eyes and I understand: it’s not an option, and it never will be.

I’m 15 and I do my best to stop there.

It doesn’t work.

I’m 16 when I first hear my mom say that you can love someone and not approve of their lifestyle. I wonder what kind of love that is. I wonder how that kind of diluted, half-hearted, patronizing love can be enough for anyone. I wonder if she’s thought about how that feels, to be told that who you are—not by choice—is fundamentally wrong.

I’m 16 and a boyfriend is a shield. The right choice, so I make it, and it’s even almost fun. I love being his friend. I’m afraid of anything more.

I’m 17 and my youngest sibling whispers, “So am I.”

My heart breaks for the pain they’ll experience, as they too are taught, painstakingly, how to hate themself. Which parts of themself have to be kept hidden, which parts are shameful. They sit at that dinner table and hear the rhetoric that pushed me to the brink and over it, and I hope they’re stronger than I am.

They aren’t.

I’m 18 and my mom works at a college for the performing arts. I sit and curdle quietly while she talks about her genderqueer students. Misgenders them behind their backs. Deadnames used flippantly. She knows better, after all. She can be the expert on somebody else’s identity. They’re mentally ill, all of them. None of them are happy. They’re searching for something only God can provide.

I’m 19 and I come out as bisexual to the man I’m certain I’m going to marry, tearing the secret out like a bandage fused to skin. He tells me of course it’s fine, that he supports who I am. Of course people like me should have rights, of course. I laugh, relieved. Later, I find out this moment was almost a dealbreaker for him, and I wonder how much was ever real.

I’m 20 and I’m out. I’m 20 and I’m free. I’m 20 and I believe, because I’ve been told, that I am loved for who I am. All of who I am. I still flinch when I hear a car door slam.

I’m 21 and I’m searching for the connection to my womanhood. I’m searching for what makes a woman a woman. I’m reading gender theory and talking to friends around the world and wondering exactly what it is that I’m missing.

What does the rest of the world know that I don’t?

I’m 22 when my marriage ends because my body might not be attractive to my husband one day, and my parents email him in support and solidarity, expressing sympathy, and I’m not surprised.

I’m 22, and standing up for who I am has cost me everything. A spouse, two sets of parents, financial security, a city’s worth of community, more childhood friends than I can count. My parents tell me to go back in the closet so my ex-husband will love me. To them, his frustration is understandable, of course—by presenting androgynously, I’m betraying my marriage vows, after all.

I wonder, stunned into silence, where I promised to look like a woman.

I’m 23 when I come out to my parents for the third time; not as bisexual, not as trans, but as hurt. 

I lay out the pain of the last decade as succinctly as I can, hoping they’ll hear. When I assert that yes, to be in relationship with me, use of my name and pronouns is a requirement, my mother jokes, “Well, we don’t negotiate with terrorists.”

It’s not a joke.

I see the flash in her eyes, the instant regret as she laughs it off like it’s funny, but it isn’t.

The kid sitting at the dinner table knows it’s not a joke. The kid who listened to countless lectures on the morality of queerness knows it’s not a joke. The kid who stood with shaking hands and tried to bleed out the bad knows it’s not a joke. Years of casual bigotry taught me how to hate myself, which parts of myself I should cross out and ignore, which parts of myself I should be ashamed of.

I’m 23, and I have finally unlearned shame, and when I ask my parents to see me, the joke is that I’m a terrorist. I’m unreasonable.

The shock of it becomes a balm, later on.

Some jokes aren’t funny.

Some jokes aren’t jokes at all.

I’m 24 and I’m learning that it’s scary to be alone. Bigotry made me an orphan and made us strangers, and knowing that it’s the right choice to stand up for myself doesn’t make it any easier. I’m learning the only way out is through, if you’re not squeamish:

Cut off the part of yourself that’s 7 years old standing outside of their bedroom because the nightmare had teeth and claws and they are the heroes that will hold you close and make it warm again.

Amputate.

Cauterize.

Don’t let them see you bleed.

I’m learning that the wound takes a long, long time to close.

I’m 25 as I write this, and I am proud of who I am, even if I’m still bleeding. All of who I am. It’s taken a long time for me to let that person see the sun, but here we are, basking in the glow. Those wounds are healing. I am visible for everyone else who whispers, “So am I.”

Your sunshine will come. Your sunshine will come. 

Your sunshine will come.

[normal-nightmare]

It's me again and please keep yapping this is the tasty content I come here for. lol I've been sitting here a while (longer than is polite) trying to form a proper response to my previous ask cause it was literally everything! I wish I could be half as eloquent instead of just yelling XD

like there are so many things that draw me to these two, and ngl it definitely started with the whole pseudo-incest vibe but they really are so complex and you really hit the nail with this:

Just... they're so complicated and it sucks that people don't wanna explore that because of the preconceived notion that they're brothers, nothing more, nothing less. Sure, legally they are, but they don't... act like it? They didn't grow up together, they weren't very close before Jason died, and they only recently started getting properly close. Jason also has his crush thing going on (seriously, how else am I supposed to interpret RHATO v2 annual 1??)

Look I will forever maintain Dick was Jason’s gay awakening and that boy has been in love with Dick since he was what 12? 15? Also the way you described their relationship to each other was so delicious and alterous is such a great term for them.

I feel like jaydick becoming canon one day would be a natural progression of their relationship. Especially since they seem to be getting paired up as a duo more often. Readers love them, comic artists and writers like them too- i feel like jaydick actually happening one day wouldn't be extremely surprising.

THISTHISTHIS!!! I hope this does happen.🙏

Also re: dickbabs and not making certain characters bisexual I feel that on such a spiritual level. Like I’m sorry but both Jason and Dick read as queer to me? Idk how to describe it. Which is why I love the little touch of bi Dick in Gotham Knights.

Also speaking of Gotham Knights, I finally finished it and holy fuck what the fuck? One of my few complaints is that I wish it was longer. I need GK2: electric boogaloo but this time with a Poison Ivy case file because reasons. I adored every interaction Dick and Jason had, from the emails to the flirting in front of everyone’s salad, plus how they were almost always near each other? (also Jason looked so good in that post credit scene in the Batcave I choose to believe every time he wears it, Dick can’t keep his hands to himself 🫣)

ALSO

I genuinely feel like the writers were intending for jaydick to happen in a DLC given how much setup there is.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this? I want to yell about this game so much. I wish I had someone to play co-op with me so I could see some of those Jaydick interactions too 😞

GOD honestly i have a million thoughts on Dick and Jason's relationship in Gotham Knights?? Because what the HELL is going on in that game!!!

It utterly BAFFLES me when other people read their interactions (Belfry, cutscenes, whatever) as brotherly/familial bc like... if you're interacting with your family like that I'm so concerned?? Bc they're gay as hell!! They flirt the ENTIRE GAME. Like... it's ridiculous how in-your-face they are about it. It's not even gay subtext anymore, it's just... text. Saying they're not gay in Gotham Knights is like saying Jayce and Viktor were 'just brothers' in Arcane to me LMFAO.

Like... the rooftop scene for one reads as really BAD flirting on Dicks part. It doesn't feel like he's being deliberately silly to cheer up Jason until he fakes falling over the edge, THEN he's properly silly. The entire scene otherwise, he's just... being really bad at flirting? And it's funnier that both that and then him being silly actually kinda WORKS on Jason. He laughs (laughs!!), relents and let's Dick sit next to him! It's so, so cute!!

And then the little interaction where Dick says that the Belfry needs a cat, and then Jason suddenly flirts with him?? Like the line "Listen, Grayson, if you're scared of some mouse you saw scurrying, I'll keep you safe." Is ABSOLUTELY flirting, and this is only supported by A) the tone Jason has and B) the way Dick stutters and stumbles over his words afterwards. Like, Dick is AUDIBLY flustered and surprised by this. He tries sooo hard to keep it cool but that boys BLUSHING.

And then there's the tension in some scenes?? When they argue in the beginning and when Dick puts a hand on Jason's wrist (after Jason jokes about making Tim a fake ID), and kind of the scene where Jasons mad, and he's sparring with Dick and Dick catches his fist and says "Easy, Tiger." Like.... the tension in these scenes goes crazy?? The physical closeness, the eye contact, the brief silence, calling Jason tiger?? Like I CANNOT be crazy thinking that there's at least a LITTLE sexual tension in these moments. Juuuust a little 🤏

And like! Yeah you're 100% on them being so physically close most of the game. It's hard to find scenes where they AREN'T standing right by each other. And their stories focus a lot on each other!! At least Dicks story focuses a lot on Jason! Like... a LOT, it's 90% Dicks story 😭

And the like,, nicknames. Dick calls Jason things like Big Guy, swole, and Miracules throughout the game, like, consistently. He points out Jason's size and strength a lot?? (His size and strength kink is so blatantly obvious, good lord this man is horny LMAO. I don't blame him though... 👀) and then Jason mainly calls him Grayson, but when he's being vulnerable he calls him Dick? Which is so cute?!

And a cute little detail is how angry Dick gets on Jason's behalf when Talia says they should be grateful she brought Jason back even though she took away his autonomy and used him. Like, Dick is PISSED! Lowkey he's so ready to throw hands right there.

And i think one of my favorite interactions is when Dick chooses to take Jason to a circus that's in town. Like! He's literally asking Jason out on a DATE. And it's the cutest thing ever?! Jason is surprised and it's just... it's so sweet.

And in general they have the sweetest interactions and emails. It's adorable how they kinda talk about Tim like they're proud parents, and it's also cute how they kinda bicker over the perfect sandwiches cause they sound like a married couple loll.

Just!! Auuggghhhh they're so CUTE in Gotham Knights! There's a mountain of setup there for a romantic relationship. It's very in your face, and honestly impossible to ignore if you have ears and eyes. I'm sure there's more i'm missing or just haven't mentioned, but it's so blatant it feels like it couldn't have been on accident.

Just... it's so cute, I'll never get over it 😭

[lochtayboatsong]

Some thoughts on The Mummy (1999)

Taking a break from reading every single Rick/Evie fic (and also a goodly number of the Ardeth/Rick/Evie fics) on Ao3 to jot down some musings, in no particular order.

- I subscribe to @tinydooms ‘s chronology of events, in which the battle at Hamunaptra between Rick’s FFL regiment and the Tuaregs takes place in 1919 and the main action of the first film takes place in 1922. This jives much better with what we know/can infer about Rick and Jonathan’s backgrounds, as well as the fact that Rick and Evie have an 8-year-old son in 1933.

- Like many other Millennials, this film was my bisexual awakening; although I was not able to articulate that fact until many years later. I have not yet been able to articulate WHY, though. There’s the obvious fact that 99% of the cast is too beautiful for words, but it goes deeper than that. Watch this space for more musings on that subject.

- Rick and Evie sparked my undying love for the Battle Couple trope. They fit that trope in a more conventional way in The Mummy Returns, but it’s there in The Mummy as well: Evie pulling Rick out of the way on the boat so his head doesn’t get blown off; Rick keeping Imhotep busy so Evie has time to find the incantation in the Book of Amun-Ra that will kill him for good; Evie subtly communicating to Rick that “there are other places to dig” during the stand-off with the Americans; Rick softly and carefully tending to Evie after the skirmish with the Medjai, etc.

- Rick and Evie also both fit and subvert the “she’s the brains, he’s the brawn” trope. Of the two of them, Rick is clearly the muscle. He’s six-foot-two, built like a brick shithouse, clearly knows a lot about guns (not only how to use them but how to care for them too - see the scene on the boat where he’s cleaning and loading his guns while talking to Evie) and is a skilled brawler. But he is NOT unintelligent. He speaks French, and I would bet money that he speaks Arabic as well. He knows how to navigate through the desert and is able to get them to Hamunaptra from memory alone. And of all the white characters, he has the most intelligent things to say about the Medjai. Similarly, Evie is the one with the book smarts. She’s a trained librarian, can read and translate Ancient Egyptian on the fly, and is almost never out of ideas about what to do next in any given situation. But she is NOT just a nerdy damsel in distress. She’s able to defend herself from the Medjai on the boat and the possessed citizens of Cairo with what is available to her (a lit candle, a poke in the eye). And she’s able to learn gunfighting and hand-to-hand combat from Rick in the years between The Mummy and The Mummy Returns, and is quite competent at both by the events of TMR.

- Speaking of competent, BOY do these movies scratch the itch that is my competency kink.

- I think the entire Mummy fandom agrees that Jonathan is a PTSD-riddled WWI vet. It accounts for him being so skittish and highly-strung, while also being an excellent shot with a rifle (as well as a pistol, so long as he has a bottle of 12-year-old Scotch in the other hand). Someone in That One Tumblr Thread also pointed out that he clearly has training as a boxer: whenever A Situation arises and he doesn’t have a gun handy, his fists go up instead.

- Ardeth BAE. My favorite scene of his is the one early in TMR when he shows up at Rick and Evie’s house when Lock-Nah and his gang are there to cause trouble, and all the cultists IMMEDIATELY tense up and draw their swords as soon as he walks into the room.

- Much has been said about the mix of genres in these movies, but I recently saw a YouTube video that articulates why it all works: the first third of the movie is a historical epic/adventure film, the middle third is a horror film, and the final third is an action film.

[churrorat-art]

Mouthwashing headcanons post I've been chipping away at for a while

Not really specifically on the ship, some would be like, modern au, but some definitely only apply to in game/ board the tulpar

!Tw for sh mentions in Jimmy's section!!

Anya

- loves disco music! The only music she plays and everyone on the tulpar eventually gets sick of disco /kinda reference to smth if u get it u get a gold star

-Is a lesibian lebisain lesabian lesbian aroace she/they

- has a specific pen she always writes with, gets very annoyed if its lost or she has to use a different pen

- enjoys crocheting and has made a few sweaters n quilts. Finds it very relaxing

- erm. Glasses wearer. One time she shattered her glasses and felt super bad about it. She also wears contacts occasionally

- BOOKWORM. gets so invested in the plots and could yapp abt books for hours. Murder mystery/ just mystery in general are her favourites. She tells curly all abt the books she reads alot. more less daisuke cuz he jokes around alot and isn't much of a book fan.

- such a sore loser. Says she loves board games!! Then she loses and what the shit! Once curly beat her in scrabble (like HOW?!) And she ignored him for a month after. Curly like "anya pls...I'm sorry I thought you'd be over this..."

- cant swim, hates swimming

- loves crocks! Has a pink pair of crocks daisuke got her that she wears all the time

- has broken multiple clipboards

- favorite board game is scrabble and shes Really good at it

- loves salad so much. Totally DEVOURS a good salad

- shes such coffee addict. I don't drink coffee but I think she likes it dark

- watches those medical type shows like house and greys anatomy

- is a cat person but never owned a cat b4

- could fall asleep standing up .

Daisuke ( @k9mackenzie wanted my daisuk headcanons)

-looves board games.

- highest subway surfers highscore

- chronic nail biter

- interrupts awkward silence by saying "meow" out loud. Probably makes it more awkward but he finds it hilarious

- loves to draw, often draws stuff for others as an act of friendship. Once Jimmy said his art looks like shit and he bit him.

- has a fursona

- very emotional. But bad at crying, just sadly stares at the wall whimpering

- hatesss getting yelled at

- he audhd

- pansexual he/she/they

- pokemon fan!! Brought a DS on the ship with him 2 play pokemon yellow and loved showing anyone who'd listen about the pokemon he caught

- Really high spice tolerance, but cannot stand sour stuff. Once anya gave him a sour warhead and told him it was just a regular candy. He spat it out and had a seizure(not really). He felt SO betrayed. But he can eat like a deathly spicy pepper with a straight face

- he has braces and HATES IT. eats popcorn anyways!!

- chews on his knuckles when stressed or bored much like nail biting

Curly

- super messy sleeper (when he does sleep) half off the bed, pillow on opposite side of bed and blanket in another universe type stuff

- he snores like TRUCk bruh

- loves jigsaw puzzles, very good at them. Him and anya like 2 do them together

- wins EVERY staring contest. They're so dazzled by his beautiful blue eyes teehee

- he IS Scottish. U cannot change my mind no matter how hard you try.

- doesn't like coffee but loves tea

- bisexual asexual he/him

- very good at baking

- he spaces out so muchh. Edit; no what I was talking about was dissociation. He just dissociates a lot. He knows this too and hes so ashamed and so mad at himself when it happens.

- HATESSSS disco music. But doesn't wanna tell anya cuz he doesn't want to make her sad by being a hater

- loves physical affection, doesn't show it much tho

- he has BEAUTIFUL hair .its so curly and fluffy and soft and no one could believe its natural

-takes pride in his hair and hes so irritable whenever he has a bad hair day

- daisuke asked him what hair products he uses LOL

- curly is transmasc

- nobody really knows hes trans though he just doesn't really tell anyone. One time though, daisuke's nosey ahh self came up and asked him "hey are you trans??" And he told him

- hes too scared to tell his best friend Jimmy tho

- SO oblivious .

- played hockey in high school. Was good at it too.

- has a little tooth gap mostly courtesy of jimmy. Jimmy absolutely punched his face. Actually maybe he threw a brick at him idk

- noticed daisuke sneaking the sweeteners. He left a few out on the counter for him with a sticky note that read 'hey daisuke please stop stealing the sweetners :) if you wanna then just ask' but didn't say anything to his face. Daisuke was super embarrassed he got caught (he ain't slick)

- in the cryopod, he was not found. He eventually died slowly.

Swansea

- straight man. he has a wife and 2 kids

- cracks his knuckles SO EFFING LOUD!!

- says "augh my backk.." after getting up .lol

- loves eating peanuts and m&ms. Trail mix is his lifeline /silly

- dancing queen fr. Daisuke was like "no way YOU can dance lol" and then swansea totally breaks it down

- makes really good card towers

- taught daisuke to play card games so now they all play together in free time

- (used to?) walk his dog all the time, sometimes with his wife too. Gets up early (like 5am )to walk the dog

- really good at making meatloaf

- sleeps like the dead (he slept through the crash AFDBCMV)

- hes really good at bowling.

-he got that uhh southern accent ykwim

-

Jimmy

- always complains abt being cold

-sleeps with like 5 different blankets. Likes those weird furry blankets that almost look like animal fur (eww I'm retching at the thought)

- he grew up poor and is an only child (his brother killed himself)

- not sure to call this schizophrenia, but he has like hallucinations and delusions often. Voices in his head are. so. Loud.

- rather DIE than drink alcohol. Used 2 alot drink a lot tho

- used to self harm aalot with like shards of smashed bottles and anything sharp he could get his hands on. One time curly saw all the scars on his arms and asked about it but Jim said it was from a cat or smth and told him to fuck off. Curly believed him and Jimmy actually felt sad that hed thrown away his only opportunity to let someone know

- rlly dry skin

- so effing gay but would NEVER admit it. Literally dreams abt gay yaoi but says hes straight

- Doesn't know what pronouns are (he/him) once daisuke asked his pronouns and Jimmy just looked at him like "wtf is that"

- impulsive control disorder

- sleeps with socks on, sometimes even still wearing his shoes

- got 4 teeth punched out once

- wears clothes til they're falling apart at the seams

- pulled some of his hair out once and got super terrified

- hes dyslexic

- shitty ahh posture

- he has a crush on curly. But like he hardly knows it hes like no I'd never like a boy. One sided jimcurly yaaa..

- sometimes when it's just curly and him sitting silently he'll tell curly to shut tf up. And curly's like ????

- if he gets any sign hes losing in a board game he flips the table and storms away

- hes a mlp fan. Says "hey everypony"

@aznack

[s3rrrpentine]

these are my main bitches!!! (very affectionate)

tw: child abuse

⠄･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄

Cheii is my very first oc (2016), then comes his bestfriends (2018), Xavier and Akari (xavier's gf). but for now, i will be yapping about the boys!

these drawings are from 2020-2022??? i don't remember :'-) it's been a while.

i hope you can see by their outfits... guess who is the wild child lmao (it's xavier)

xavier is like. the love child of ghost and soap (at least to me!!!) his body is decorated with scars because of childhood trauma but he is also energetic and loud (coping mechanism). a little ghostsoap coded don't you think? 💀🧼

also his undercut reminds me of soap... i thought of giving him a mohawk too before. purposely wear ugly colours just to spite people when actually he felt pity for the colours.

loves to fight, it gave him an adrenaline rush and dopamine because my guy's insane and depressed. yes he got daddy and mommy issues :O touch-starved and will cry for being praised.

the mom left them with no goodbye first. then, his glasgow smile was caused by his hot-temper-alcoholic dad with a kitchen knife. he was only 12 years old :-/

⠄･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄

"Little fucker, since you like smiling and shit, I'll give you one," His dad grinned widely, breathing raggedly as he carved his son's face with the knife. Xavier's bloodcurdling scream made the house door to be kicked open by their neighbours and Cheii.

Cheii rushed towards Xavier who was helplessly sobbing on the floor, begging for his mom. His heart bleeds for Xavier. All he could do was hold his hands and cry with him. Saying his sorry for being too late as the guilt ate him from the inside.

⠄･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄

my dear cheii is probably closed to my headcanon ghost's personality. quiet, observant, tolerates with his circle ONLY. no smile kind of guy but secretly the sweetest, kindest little bean <333 he is no words, ALL action.

he is like the good student turn bad??? because he saw how free xavier is living his teenage life without the pressure of good expectations. not a delinquent but definitely can fight, prefer not to but had to (because of xavier) oh yeah, he surely developed savior complex because of that certain someone lol

⠄･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄

xavier is bisexual while cheii is asexual/demisexual (wow literally my hc for soap and ghost and i think that's cool)

their relationship is definitely platonic. but soulmate. brothers for life. i-would-die-for-you kind of relationship. nothing sexual but they definitely kissed each other before (they felt nothing!)

uh i gave xavier the most trauma for "character development" so he is the most special and precious to me. you can say that cheii is like the "second male lead"... loved by all (it's just me) but kinda mediocre???? he is too... indifferent... hmmm

that's all i wanted to show hehe sorry if it was all over the place :^}

[redjadethewriter]

Which Arcane Lady Is Girlfriend or Wife Material?

The women in Arcane League of Legends are some of the best developed animated characters I’ve seen in a long time, specifically designed for adults to watch. Unlike animated characters aimed at children, they cater to an older audience. As someone who enjoys animation and appreciates the quality of storytelling it offers, I want to explore something fun in this blog: using the female characters as an example. My focus will be on whether they would make compatible companions for me. To illustrate this, I’ll draw from my own preferences and experiences, particularly when discussing the qualities of each character. Ultimately, I’ll be determining who fits my standards of being girlfriend material and who doesn’t.

Before I dive in, I want to point out, in the series, Caitlyn and Violet stood out as the more explicit couple. However, Jayce’s relationship with Mel was not as clear-cut. While they hooked up, they were not explicitly a couple. On the other hand, Jayce and Viktor had a stronger, more established connection.

In my opinion, Viktor and Jayce are actually a compatible couple. It’s clear that they were into each other. Although the writers didn’t explicitly state it, Jayce seemed to be attracted to Viktor and displayed a bisexual inclination.

Viktor, on the other hand, is an enigma. He was never interested in Sky. Actually, for a second, I thought Viktor was asexual. However, I soon realized he had a soft spot for Jayce. Viktor probably is Asexual, but it’s important to note that Asexuals can love and be in a healthy relationship as well. But who really knows what Viktor’s sexuality truly is?

But come on, who spends their lifetime trying to get Jayce to save his version of Viktor by convincing him of his beauty, imperfections, and all? It’s worth mentioning that Jayce, in season one, wanted to un-alive himself, and guess who stopped him? Viktor. Throughout seasons one and two, Jayce constantly thinks about Viktor, even during the sex scene with Mel. That’s not just bro love, that’s love-love. It’s a love shared between companions.

However, when it comes to Cait and Vi, in reality, their relationship would never work. Their communication with each other is not the best. And let’s not forget that Cait looks down on the people from Zaun. As for Vi, she herself holds no allegiance to any nation or people. Her love is conditional, not unconditional. That’s why the two women in her life went through a growth phase and changed into people she didn’t like. Vi was judgmental and lacked acceptance. How can two judgmental people be together romantically? They can’t. That’s why Arcane is fiction. Furthermore, Cait completely ignores the fact that Vi is a lower-class citizen from Zaun.

Can you imagine your romantic partner ignoring your heritage, culture, and where you come from, only seeing you as an exception because of their desire for you? This imbalance of chemistry ruling the mind too much and reason too little is problematic. Both individuals are allowing chemistry to guide their decisions, despite underlying issues that would not work in reality. It’s similar to what Vi mentioned to Cait in season one - they are like oil and water. From my perspective, I can confidently state that the composition of oil cannot be changed. While oil and water can temporarily bind with certain tools, they will eventually separate. Cait and Vi, in reality, form a toxic mix. In the show, they serve as red flags to be mindful of. Although they are both attractive characters and share chemistry, these factors alone do not sustain a long-term relationship. Thus, I believe Jayce and Viktor serve as a better example of a compatible couple in the story compared to Vi and Cait.

Now that I have finished explaining my thoughts on the better couple, let’s shift our focus to the characters who I believe are capable of building a lasting romantic relationship. Additionally, I will discuss the reasons for considering these characters and also highlight the ones that should be avoided without any exceptions.

Ambessa

Regardless of how anyone chooses to frame it, Ambessa is a woman to be avoided. Once I discovered the inspiration behind her character, I realized she’s someone we can learn a great deal from. It’s important to be cautious of anyone who finds themselves attracted to her persona. In essence, Ambessa is the female equivalent of Niccolò Machiavelli. The writers were quite clever in their portrayal. They had Ambessa teach Mel about embodying both the Fox and the Wolf, while Machiavelli spoke of being both the Fox and the Lion. Though the terminology differs, the underlying mentality remains the same. The aim is to disable enemies enough so they won’t feel compelled to get revenge. That’s why Ambessa is merciless toward civilians of an empire she takes over. Manipulation is the focal point. Ambessa and Machiavelli share traits such as violence, deceit, treachery, and using others to their advantage. Ambessa passed on these characteristics to her daughter as well.

Now this moves on to Mel.

Mel is another red flag for the very reason I mention her mother as someone to stay away from. While she may have a caring side to some degree, in reality, she’s manipulative. Nonetheless, there are positive traits that can help redeem her negative qualities, allowing her to use them for good. However, I wouldn’t risk myself on that notion unless there was a clear sign it would end up okay.

On the one hand, she can change and not be like her mother. But on the other hand, in the series, it’s something I wouldn’t count on too much. I do give her praise for helping fight Ambessa, but I would still tread cautiously in a romantic relationship with this character. She can swing in either direction, depending on the influences.

Therefore, Mel is a gamble at this point. Getting involved with her could potentially lead her partners into terrible circumstances, both mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Next on this following, the no-compatible trend is Violet/Vi.

The only good thing about Vi as a character, based on my preferences and opinions, is her strength and protective nature. While some may find her attractive, her personality is lackluster. She uses humor as a coping mechanism, but it’s clear that she’s struggling with her own problems. As I mentioned earlier, she’s conditional, meaning she can’t accept her partner changing or evolving. This reminds me of people who resist change and hold onto toxic fantasies and memories, leading to disastrous situations. For instance, Powder, also known as Jinx, wouldn’t have had to save Vi if she had accepted that Vander was gone. Furthermore, Vi lacks loyalty. Her transformation into an enforcer for Piltover exemplifies her chameleon-like nature, lacking a solid individuality. You know those people who change their looks to fit their partner’s tastes? Vi acts like them. Many celebrities engage in this behavior, altering their appearances and personalities according to their partners, but it’s not healthy. Additionally, Vi is not a good listener. Although she is comfortable talking about herself and being vulnerable with certain people, she is oblivious to her partner’s issues. Unfortunately, Vi is too mundane to keep me interested. Her interests revolve around fighting and being tough, lacking the complexities that make a character intriguing. It’s no surprise that Cait told her she was becoming predictable. I can’t help but think, “Cait, she’s been predictable since season one. She is the most transparent character in Arcane.” I have to be honest about this. Vi is just not a mystery, and some people, like myself, enjoy unraveling the complexities of a romantic interest. So, what happens if there’s none of that? Well, there’s only sex. While some people may solely be interested in the physical aspect, that’s not me.

Next on this list is Sevika.

If there’s one goon worthy of falling in love with, it would undoubtedly be Sevika. Despite her involvement in illegal activities, particularly under Silco’s command, she embodies the true meaning of loyalty. Sevika’s allegiance has always been unwavering towards her nation and its people. She aligns herself with leaders who prioritize this quality, such as Vander, until she discovered his lack of loyalty to the community. Sevika, on the other hand, takes immense pride in her work. Even though Silco held the reins of power, she efficiently managed the lanes, ensuring that everything ran smoothly for him. She was the driving force behind the functioning of businesses and the well-being of the people. Despite tempting offers from the power-hungry chembarons, Sevika remained loyal to Silco. In season two, when the chembarons sought to hand Jinx over to Piltover, Sevika stood firm in her belief to never betray their own. Additionally, Sevika possesses a softer side. Her concern for Isha was clear when she and Jinx searched the prison block for her. Sevika’s help in helping Jinx infiltrate Stillwater prison to rescue Isha showcases her compassion. It’s worth noting that their primary aim was to find Isha, with freeing the others being an added bonus. Sevika is not only a protector, but also someone who speaks her mind. Her bluntness stems from a genuine desire to do what is right. Despite her interest in gambling and fighting, she remains a complex and captivating character because of her grounded nature and unwavering principles. For me, Sevika is a dependable partner, someone who can smoothly navigate everyday life. The best part is that I wouldn’t expect anything less from her. She is resolute and unswayed by others, and her loyalty is an incredibly attractive quality. With Sevika, there would be no insecurity or fear of infidelity. She would stand by her partner’s side, no matter what.

Now let us move on to Caitlyn, aka Cait.

You would think that I would place Cait after Vi or before Sevika, considering I talked some trash about her. I mean, Cait is a character who tends to look down on others when unfortunate events challenge her perspective. However, I attribute this primarily to her sheltered life and the naiveness that resulted from her mother not teaching her the harsh realities of the world. I have to admit, Cait’s mother never instilled in her the importance of holding a higher position in life to effect change. The elites hold power over the lower class. So, when Cait was disgusted by how the Undercity residents lived, she failed to realize that it was the upper-crust of Piltover who was responsible for their plight. Instead, when she witnessed the consequences of inequality and the oppression faced by these people, her mind automatically labeled them as animals. Consequently, she dehumanized them. In season 2, she even resorted to using biological warfare tactics in her pursuit of Jinx in the Undercity, disregarding the well-being of innocent citizens. I’m fairly certain there were casualties resulting from her use of the grey. So, when you really think about it, she may have caused more deaths than Jinx. Now, why would I mention Cait, after praising Sevika’s admirable qualities? Well, despite Cait’s transformation into a dictator, there are certain positive aspects about her that I cannot overlook. One of them being her empathy and capacity for compassion when she gains a deeper understanding of things. Her world was shattered in season one, having been betrayed by a citizen of the Undercity for shimmer and taken captive by Jinx in her most vulnerable state. That’s a lot of trauma to endure. Furthermore, she witnessed Jinx launching a rocket at the council. However, in season two, Jinx confessed to Cait that she had no idea her mother was there. This goes to show that Cait is not immune to narrow-minded thinking.

Cait is known for being super analytical and her ability to read people. She pays close attention to those around her, unless she’s consumed with thoughts of revenge. Unfortunately, this obsession blinds her to those who manipulate her, which ultimately led to her letting Maddie and Ambessa into her home. On the other hand, when Cait is not seeking revenge, she genuinely cares about the people close to her and is willing to help them, even if it means sacrificing material things.

One person Cait has a good understanding of is Vi. She can predict Vi’s actions, showing just how observant she is. Cait is not only attentive to her partner, but she also acts as a protector in her own unique way. While she may not possess Vi’s brute force, she adapts and learns new techniques to become a more efficient fighter and protector. She even goes as far as sacrificing her own eye to ensure Mel’s victory over Ambessa.

Like Cait, I can relate to making tough decisions and doing whatever it takes to accomplish goals. Cait maintains a stoic demeanor, but she let her guard down with the people she trusts. Additionally, Cait’s intellect might actually make her a captivating conversationalist, despite her privileged upbringing, which I like that. Her marksmanship skills and classy demeanor add to her appeal. It’s worth noting that in season one, Cait went through a rebellious phase as she sought to find her own path outside of her elite status. This quality is truly admirable. Actually, it’s cute.

Cait handles challenges exceptionally well, especially when faced with skepticism and lack of support. She takes initiative and is willing to take risks to achieve her objectives, refusing to let anyone stand in her way. While it’s unclear if Cait is capable of loving someone unconditionally, her love for Vi suggests that she is. However, Cait needs to acknowledge and embrace Vi’s background, understanding that Zaun and the Undercity have both good and bad individuals, just like Piltover. Cait’s ability to love someone less fortunate than herself is a testament to her character.

I must admit, I have a soft spot for characters like Cait.

Now let us move on to Powder, aka Jinx.

I love both Powder/Jinx. Although they are the same person, my love for them is unconditional. It’s not surprising that Ekko had a crush on Powder when they were kids. Powder is incredibly creative and practically a scientist and engineer, as she creates her own weapons. For instance, she designed her own grenades and crafted guns that perfectly suit her fighting style. Whether she goes by Powder or Jinx, she always likes to make a grand entrance. Even in the alternate universe, Powder showcased her true character - caring, thoughtful, loving, compassionate, and empathetic. There’s just so much to adore about her. Despite her possessiveness, it stems from her fear of abandonment. She simply wants to be useful to those around her. Unfortunately, Vi never really nurtured this side of Powder, and allowing others to bully her didn’t help either. It’s disheartening that we had to witness an alternate universe where Vi is no longer alive to see Powder rise and become the leader. In that reality, she became a solid foundation for her brothers, Mylo and Claggor, and they no longer belittle her, as shown. She even prevented Mylo from embarrassing himself in front of a girl. It’s a stark contrast to the world where Vi is still present. Powder is a vibrant individual with excellent taste in music. She embraces her quirkiness, loudness, and expressiveness. Her thoughtfulness and adorableness shine through when she customized an arm for Sevika based on her gambling habits. Powder pays attention to people and their interests. She even drew in Ekko’s journal, similar to how someone in love would leave love notes for their partner, except hers were cute doodles with hearts. Although she is young in this series, Powder, also known as Jinx, possesses many qualities that could lead to a fulfilling long-term relationship.

Despite the trauma and everything else going on with Piltover versus Zaun, the qualities are still there. Jinx, in particular, exhibits selflessness when the situation demands it. She has shown her willingness to protect those in need, which is commendable. In fact, she offers more positive support than Vi ever did, as evidenced by her actions towards Isha. When Isha had a memory flashback, similar to the one Jinx experienced in Season one, Jinx jumped alongside her, holding her hand. It is clear that Jinx can use her past experiences to forge stronger connections with others in the future. She strives to do things that were not done for her in the past, seeking to provide the support she longed for. This growth from past mistakes shows her commitment to personal development.

Furthermore, Jinx possesses a unique way of being a protector. While she may not have the physical strength of Vi, she compensates with her craftiness and agility. Using her skills as an intuitive gunslinger, she leverages speed and precision to her advantage. This is why I believed that Jinx and Caitlyn would have been a better match as a long-term couple. They complement each other perfectly. Caitlyn desires someone who will stand beside her, and Jinx has that persona to be that person. Not to mention the loyalty factor. Jinx yearns to be useful, always ready to lend a hand to those who appreciate her presence.

Moreover, let’s not forget that Powder can be quite the gangster. Her entrance with the balloon blasting her music was absolutely hilarious. The expressions on Ambessa’s and Caitlyn’s faces were priceless. We should be grateful for her stylish, yet badass persona.

Conclusion:

Who is the better romantic partner, based on my preferences? Well, considering that I relate more to Jinx’s persona, Caitlyn or Sevika might actually be a more grounding partner. However, Caitlyn is a lot less blunt, so I might be leaning towards her. I really admire the discipline she has in her life. On the other hand, Powder’s persona is also quite appealing. I’m not sure, to be honest. Oops.

[abibliophobiaa]

firstly I love your new blog layout it’s so fucking cute, secondly I love you 💕 thirdly, for your baby prompts, I’m thinking……… butterfly

happiness is a butterfly

got a little carried away with this one. 3k words of modern day!best friend!eddie munson x afab!reader. contains: fluff, alcohol, confessions of feelings, bisexual reader, two friends in a room who might kiss (they do), suggestive innuendo (eddie’s a sweetheart), and argyle’s matchmaking ways. thank you @breddiemunson and @ghost-proofbaby for always calming my wild thoughts, and katie’s line where eddie asks reader not to make him say what she already knows. genius, that one.

-

“happiness is a butterfly

try to catch it like every night

it escapes from my hands into moonlight…”

happiness is a butterfly - lana del rey.

-

Photo after photo. Swipe after swipe. Endless hopefuls that aren’t really hopefuls, because there aren’t many of those in Hawkins these days.

No—there are merely boys, wearing the skin of men, playing with hearts with a carelessness that leaves damage in their wake. Leaves your heart ripped to shreds; battered and bruised. Wounded, but not broken, with jagged lines where smooth surfaces had once been.

Tonight is no different. Tonight you mourn your relationship with Travis. Travis, who played hockey and apparently a different girl or guy in every state. You’d only found out through social media.

One of the girls he brought back to his hotel room had posted an image on her story while he slept, which then surfaced on another person’s social media account, and then eventually became a social media article on some gossip website you couldn’t, for the life of you, be bothered to remember.

You suppose the “Travis debacle,” as Eddie has been calling it, is your fault. A guy from out of town. The allure of some famous player with a broken down car in front of the Hideout, where you worked as a bartender, that you’d had your friend Eddie fix up as a favor.

You’d tossed him his keys as the sun set, burnt orange and red across the summer sky, and he’d asked, “How much?”

And suddenly you’d spent the week welcoming him around Hawkins, as well as the intricacies of your susceptible heart. Had preened and praised him while he perused his options in the next town over on his problematic apps.

The same apps you’re now frowning at, watching the population around you continue to dwindle with every pass of your thumb.

“You know, they say insanity is—”

“Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.”

You shoot a glare Eddie’s way, watching his dexterous fingers pull his hair back into a makeshift bun at the back of his head. Those same fingers reach down to grab your glass, chipped black nail polish capturing your attention as he draws your drink up to his lips and takes a long sip.

“Tequila. Travis really fucked up.” He chuckles. The movement has his cropped shirt billowing around his hips, tattoos on his sides visible where the holes his arms extend through as he settles down beside you. “You know, I think you need to ditch the apps. I did, and I’m much better for it.”

“You got a puppy a few weeks ago,” you point out, finger jabbing him in the ribs. He hisses, cupping his pec. “Getting a puppy is code for throwing in the towel.”

“Ozz is the cutest puppy, I’ll have you know. Look—” He waves to Gareth as he passes by, drumsticks twirling in his hands. “Delete the apps. Take a break. Isn’t there some quote about happiness? That Nathaniel Hawthorne one. You know, the ‘happiness is a butterfly’ one you used in a paper back in school.”

“One, I can’t believe you remember that.”

Your nose wrinkles at the thought of your teenage years. Of you with braces and he himself being the first person to welcome you to sit with him on your first day of school, snapping at Jason Carver when he’d brushed by you and thumped your shoulder a little too hard for his liking.

“And two, the quote is actually ‘happiness is like a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp. But, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.’”

“So stop chasing it. Just let it happen. C'est la vie. Carpe diem. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?”

You don’t even bother letting him know none of those things mean what he thinks they do.

“Eddie.”

He loops his arm around your neck. Presses a kiss against your temple. You lean into his embrace, comfortable warmth that seeps into your bones and floods you with familiarity.

He’s hard lines against your softer edges. Inky tapestries of collected memories that tell a tale of his adventurous life on the forearm tangled in your hair. His ring-clad fingers delight in toying with the tips, hair shifting between digits like water.

Calming and soothing Eddie. A constant in your life since you were teenagers, now going on ten years of friendship later. Someone you’ve always been able to turn to at the end of the day; someone who never once questions your motives, even if he might suggest you try different methods to your lifestyle habits.

And now, your dating habits.

“I’m just saying it’s worth a try.”

-

Maybe you don’t stop right away. Maybe it takes a date with Joe, Jim and Jessica to realize the truth of Eddie’s words. Maybe there’s some weight to pushing it all aside, stepping out of the way of your own preconceived timeline, and allowing someone to walk in at the right place and time.

And on a night such as this, where Corroded Coffin are getting set up on stage and citizens are packing out the bar to see the increasingly popular band play, it’s easy to remember why swiping on your phone has brought you here. To asshole Andy Lerman standing before you while you work. Basketball coach at Hawkins High and douchebag royalty from what you remember of him back in your years of teenage angst and adolescence.

He’s had a few drinks now. You know because you’ve served him. But all they’ve done is instill courage in him to step over to the girl who people teased in school for being a “freak fucker” by merely being associated with Eddie, claiming time ‘really did wonders for you.’

He’s staring at your tits when he says it, and it takes everything in you to not toss his next drink in his face. But in a town where money is hard to come by, and there’s not much to do by way of work, bartending pays the bills, and you’re not about to mess up one of the few good gigs left.

“Andy, it’s really not going to work,” you tell him, “but here. Your last one of the night…on me.”

With a quick pat to his shoulder, you send him on his merry way with a fuller pocket and a story to warp when regaling his friends with the time he pity-invited the “freak fucker” on a date.

“Don’t look now, my lady, but Eddie Munson is staring at you,” Argyle says, working on mixing a margarita beside you for a patron.

“He’s not staring at me,” you retort, sliding a vodka soda across the bar, thanking your customer for the hefty tip they toss your way. At Argyle’s raised brow, you reiterate, “he’s not.”

“He’s always staring. That’s the look Eden gives me. You know, the look of someone in l—”

Argyle’s words are cut short as Eddie appears on the other side of the bar, bare elbows pressing against the counter, hair falling out of his ponytail, bangs long overdue for a cut shifting every time he blinks.

“Are you okay?” He asks, thanking Argyle as he passes him the beer he knows he prefers. At your arching brow, he continues, “I saw Andy Lerman flirting with you. You looked uncomfortable.”

You snort, getting to work on a moscow mule. “That’s because I was uncomfortable. But I took care of it. I appreciate you always looking out, though.”

He reaches over and grabs your chin. Gives your head a little wiggle until you’re grinning against his palm. Then reaches his fingers over toward you, rests them so gently against your curled palm resting on the bar and pauses. He waits a moment and closes his ringed fingers into a fist, knocking his knuckles against yours.

Then he’s off toward the stage to get ready, leaving you with a knot in your throat and warmth prickling against your skin.

Argyle passes you a knowing smile and before you can yell at him to get back to work, embarrassment roiling in your chest, he announces he’s going to take a quick break and call his wife.

His words spin in your head once more. Comparing Eddie’s gazes to Eden’s. To the nature of the depth in which he cares for you. But you shake your head free of it.

You’ve been unlucky in love.

It couldn’t be so simple.

-

Argyle’s words don’t change much in regards to your Eddie conundrum.

They’re a phantom in the back of your mind. Wispy tendrils of a memory that feels distant now.

Weeks pass, and the warm heat of summer in Hawkins turns to a sweltering hell on earth.

The Hideout becomes quieter most evenings. Those with air conditioning prefer to stay home, remain by their pools, to host gatherings where alcohol and coolers are plentiful.

And you don’t blame them, letting out a long huff as you wipe down the counter, while Argyle counts your tips.

“Oh, how was that date with…Paul, was it?” He muses thoughtfully, beginning to split the money.

“Not great.”

“You said that about the last three. What was wrong with this one?”

And that’s the thing. You sit across from these people, trying to force a square into a circle, trying to sparse out the qualities that they’re lacking.

Not funny enough. Not the right hair color. They lack that unruly smile. That glimmer of brightness in their amber eyes. There’s no dimple in Paul’s cheek. No banter on your date with Jeremiah. Caleb doesn’t like metal, and Kayla thinks D&D is a breeding ground for satanism (you’d thought that one was left in the 80s, but it appears not).

“He said Dio was overrated.”

“Interesting,” Argyle laughs, shaking his head.

You whirl around, damp bar towel flicking water his way. “What’s so interesting?”

“Just funny when two people are so obviously similar and don’t even see it,” he says, humming to himself, conversation over.

And that was that.

-

It’s funny, you think, that it only hits you then.

Like the flutter of butterfly wings on your flowerbeds you’d managed to stumble upon earlier that morning, the flicker of wings on a bird in the sky. The soft beating of both, like the constant thump of a heart in a chest.

A constant.

It’s the word everything hitches on as you sit on that work table in your garage, watching the man who stopped everything he was doing when you’d called earlier at the drop of a hat. All just to make sure you were okay.

That same person who is now up to his elbows in grease, fingers stained an oily black. With his hair pulled away from his face, you catch the determined line of his mouth, the jut of his tongue pushing lightly against pink lips. The corded lines of his arms move as he works, barest hint of stomach on display when he reaches up to slam the hood of your car down once it’s finished.

You toss him a towel, grinning at the shadowy form of him blocking the sun from your eyes. “Sorry you’re doing this instead of the movies.”

“Stop that. You know I’m happy to spend any time with you, sweetheart,” he laughs, wiping the planes of his face that are streaked like the fingers pressing against terry cloth to keep it in place. “Fixed the alternator and did an oil change. Seeing as you always forget anyway.”

He walks over slowly, grunting when your sandaled foot kicks him playfully in the kneecap. “That was why my car made that awful sound and shut off?”

“Exactly.” He curls the towel around his neck. “Day is still young. How about we—”

“Why’d you delete all your dating apps?”

The words fall from you in a rush. A swift exhale that has Eddie’s back drawn ramrod straight. Rigid, but not with anger. Instead, you watch that full mouth part just slightly. Like the words he had been about to say were lost to the wind, left to titter away into nothingness.

He swallows audibly, palm sliding over the towel across his neck. “I…just didn’t see the point in them.”

Determination hardens your resolve. Brings to attention Argyle’s teasing these weeks. The wondering, questioning, burgeoning curiosities brimming. So you utter a simple, “Why?” and try your damndest to ignore the nerves welling up in your chest at the fear of what comes next.

“Just kind of felt like I was using them to get over someone else,” he admits, taking a step closer.

Your bare knees brush the tops of his thighs. Warmth seeps into your skin, bristles at his touch.

Dark eyes drag along your form. Along the dress you wore that evening, covered in flowers, a thin thing that would have fluttered in the wind if you and Eddie had been able to do what you’d planned for the day. Simple drive to the lake to eat some lunch, share a joint and fish (a new hobby he'd picked up from his uncle), then movies at the theater when the sun had set.

You meet his stare. Remind yourself of those eyes that had been on you the whole time Andy had leaned over the bar just weeks ago. Ready at any moment to come to your aid, should you have needed it. He’s never pushed you, never crossed the boundaries of your friendship, trusted you knew best.

But he’d always been there if you ever needed a hand.

You only ever needed to reach out.

Always.

You swallow thickly. “Who?”

“Don’t make me tell you what you already know.”

It’s quiet. A plea for pity that has your heart clenching within your chest.

But it’s not scary.

It’s not frightening at all.

Dozens of memories flash behind your eyes.

Of teenage years, laughing in the cafeteria, trading snacks, sneaking off to the woods between classes to smoke. Of you in community college, and his van screeching through the parking lot to take you to lunch between classes. Of nights at his place, your place, the movies, around town. Of ice cream at Lover’s Lake with his van doors swung wide, trying to make out the shapes of the clouds in the sky.

Birthday parties, milestones, weddings, grieved losses.

To highs and lows and everything in between. To all those shitty dates, to his own failed dating escapades. To that time you had to ice his lip in the back of the Hideout when Jeff had accidentally elbowed him in the face, or when you’d fallen off Max’s skateboard and ripped open your shin and he’d had to hold your hand while he disinfected it.

To this very moment, where he’s just finished fixing your car. To him with his dirty palm tapping lightly against your kneecap, feet shifting awkwardly beneath him.

Your head tips up and you catch the downturn of his lips, frozen in time by your prolonged silence.

Argyle was right.

“What?”

You hadn’t realized you spoke out loud, but confusion swirls behind Eddie’s gaze all the same, mollified only when your hand snakes up around the back of his neck and drags him downward to your level. Only when you pour your affection into him where you’re finally, lovingly, connected at last.

The fullness of his mouth against the softness of yours is hesitant at first, like his brain needs a moment to catch up to his current reality, before he’s tipping your head up with his hand. Until his fingers slide across your cheek, cupping you gently, easing you closer to him.

Before long he’s gripping you closer. Deft fingers in the dough of your thighs, tugging you flush against him, skirt indecently high up on your hips. But you don’t care. Not as your ankles lock around his waist, nor as he hums into your throat while he leaves a sloven path along your skin, learning the sounds you make when he’s tender, sweet—when he scores his teeth against your pulse point and you melt like putty beneath his devotion filled fingertips.

Ten years. Ten years of watching that silly butterfly float away into the sky, only for it to have been there all along.

Only for it to have been the man with his forehead against yours, noses flush together, your fingers beneath his shirt and his around the bend of your kneecaps.

You’re not sure where you start and he ends, but even that incites a new thrill, a new world to explore further. A desire to know the depths of him beyond the limit of friendship.

“Argyle got to you too, huh?” At your nod, Eddie barks out a laugh. Kisses you softly. “Fuckin’ guy thinks he’s Cupid or something.”

“I don’t want to talk about Argyle right now.”

Eddie’s lips curl into a grin. The whites of his teeth flash in your gaze, your fingers trailing along his stubble-lined jaw.

“I don’t either.” His thumb comes to swipe at your cheek, dimple in his cheek twitching slightly. “Got you a little greasy. Just…ten years, you know? Got a little carried away.”

You nod, reaching out to lace your fingers with his. He watches as you hop down from the work table, brow arching curiously as you tug him toward the door leading into your home. “Well, like you said, we’ve got ten years to catch up on. So before I kiss you more, Edward Munson, we’re going to shower.”

“We?” He swallows, voice hoarse. “Like a two people conserving water shower?”

You enter the small laundry room, humming as his chest brushes your own, his weight just enough against yours to press you into the lip of your drying machine. Cool metal chills your skin at the open back of your dress, balanced by the heat of the knee that slides between your thighs to pin you in place. Your body both buzzes with life and oozes honey into your system as you melt into him, pliant under that smoldering dark gaze of your best friend in front of you.

“We,” you nod, grinning into his kiss. “After that we’re cuddling on the couch and ordering a pizza.”

“And tomorrow…I’m taking you on a date.”

-

🦋

[littleclosetofbyler]

it was me, i was mike

Hello world.

So I got around the byler rabbit hole around 13 days ago (backed up by a comment on the first byler yt video i watched, kinda crazy), and everything went downhill from there until two or three days ago when i realized something extremelly curious: I was Mike Wheeler once.

Now, you might be asking yourself "the f is this woman into" but hear me out: everyone has a past.

So I will tell you a little bit about myself and my first friend crush.

I was around 15-16 when it started, year 2005, she was two years younger than me and my best friend. We went to the same school, she was really really smart, we would hang out because we both liked anime and books and games. Basically I asked her to be my friend during recess one day, of course when you are 15 the interaction goes more like "hey i heard you like anime, me too, wanna hang out after this?"

And hang out we did. A lot.

Fast forward a few years we are in full friendship with me being around 18 and dumb as f. We would go everywhere together and all was great, until I met one of her friends, a guy who was just kind of cool, but I actually just liked his name.

I started dating him, because I had nothing better to do, and my friend and I were okay for around a week, and then this guy asked my friend how he could make me kiss him... and my friend cut me off.

Like that. No longer friends.

In january was her 16th birthday, I called her on the phone and asked why we were no longer hanging out, I told her I missed her and she gave me the answer that has been with me for over 15 years already: "Our age gap is too big".

At the moment I was sad and weirded out, we were friends, best friends, what the hell happened. Until a few weeks later I talked with another friend, a wise dumb kind of guy who told me the second answer that has been with me for years: "She liked you".

I was 19 when I understood my feelings for women were more than platonic, I was 19-20 when I had my first everything with women. I was 19-20 when i came out of the closet.

But when I was 18 and she liked me, I was just... oblivious.

I used to make jokes about gay people, I had a lot of internalized homophobia, I thought things were not very logical at all. It took me years to realize that my "looking up to X older girl" was not a common universally straight experience, not in the way I used to do it. It took me even more years to realize that my first idealization of a "wet dream" was not the man, but the woman in the blue dress and high hair.

A few years more, of should I say, many years more, is what it took me to realize a lot of other things; looking back, my relationship with her was never completely "normal", not for two girls in my country at that age in the year 2007.

Hidden messages, special presents, a folder full of drawings, german music, a little too close in all the photos, sleepless nights on her bed, ice cold tea specially for me, holding hands while watching anime in the darkness of a movie theater, almost hugging while a kiss happened in those movies, sleeping on my shoulder, except that she was never really sleeping.

We were everything and we were nothing, platonic friends only.

Today I am 34, and an openly not straight woman (lesbian? bisexual? I don't know, i don't care).

When I lost her I did not only lost my best friend, I lost so so much more, and it was probably the cathalist for everything that came after.

I miss her to this day.

So I understand the universal not straight experience of the crush on a friend as well as the being the crush of said friend, and let me tell you, I was Mike Wheeler, remember that guy I told you about? Well, I told him I loved him (can´t actually even remember if this happened exactly like this), because he insisted I never said it.

I have never been in love with a man, I am not sure I even ever feel anything for a man beyond platonic whatever.

So, whenever I see people say that Mike Wheeler just can't be gay, or be or anything... oh my sweet summer child, he can be, because I was, at the same age, in a not conservative contry, in 2008; why do you think it might be impossible in the 80's in a conservative town in a pretty conservative country?

Dunno, just asking.

[rosecolorednerd]

I made a Gallawelt chart based on my headcanons 😔🩷💛

I know Gallagher’s age isn’t confirmed and that the 13 is to represent Death in the Arcana but I also like the theory that Gallagher is 13 in dog years.

Gallagher is usually the bigger spoon because even though Welt is taller Gallagher he’s bigger figure wise. However since Welt is taller I could also see him being the bigger spoon sometimes

Lends clothes and borrows clothes is heavy on the lending because Gallagher loves seeing Welt in his clothes, but Welt prefers wearing his own clothes because he can’t stand Gallagher’s ‘gaudy’ colors XD plus none of Welt’s clothes would even fit Gallagher

Gallagher calls Welt ‘hero’ at first just to tease him and make Welt flustered but after awhile it kinda grows on him. I could also just see them calling each other the standard ones like baby, dear, dearest.

I considered putting Gallagher as an extrovert but I think because of what Siobhan said about him not opening up to people he has more introverted tendencies. He likes socializing with people at work but afterwards he gets tired and kinda drained so he recharges with Welt. Welt on the other hand I think he’s a little more extroverted because he used to be a teacher and he clearly loves looking after March, Dan Heng and the trailblazer so his social battery is much higher than Gallagher’s.

Gallagher’s love language is taking Welt on dates, making him drinks and just spending time with him whereas Welt expresses his love more through words of affirmation, poems, letters, and ofc drawings but that’s more of an action thing

Confessions first, I think Gallagher just wouldn’t be able to help himself. The moment he meets Welt at the bar he’d start flirting with him. As actual confessions go Gallagher fell first but Welt fell harder, so Welt says “I love you” first

The bug one is so silly bc I think Gallagher would scream about the bug and Welt would rush in to defend him only for Gallagher to find the bug really adorable XD

It’s canon that Himeko cannot cook so l feel like Welt would do most of the cooking before Dan Heng showed up. I think Gallagher would be a decent cook but he specializes in drinks.

Gallagher is very cuddly with Welt when he allows it but Welt is more reserved. Actually I feel like they’d both be more private with their affection but if anyone were to initiate pda it would be Gallagher.

I think Gallagher being the overprotective one is kind of on the nose so I thought it would be really cute if Welt was actually the overprotective one especially after the Penacony quest but I won’t give spoilers. Basically because of what happened to Gallagher and also just people flirting with him at the bar he’d naturally get more protective and jealous. Gallagher however doesn’t really care because has a lot of faith in Welt but if someone got a little too close he’d probably wrap an arm around Welt’s waist or interrupt the conversation.

I really don’t see Gallagher dating a lot of people while he was thinking about his plan and I know Welt has some romantic history with Tesla and they look after Joey together but beyond that I think Welt assumed he liked Tesla because it was expected of him but going out into the galaxy he realizes he never really liked girls. That being said I don’t intend on playing Honkai Impact 3rd so I could be wrong but this is just my headcanon fight me /j from what I’ve seen I don’t really like Tesla I’m sorry she’s kinda annoying—

Himeko herself said that Welt talks less and less about going home so really I think he’s just accepted the express as his new home as much as he probably still cares about Joey and the others

My headcanons about their sexualities are less solid tho. I really could see it either way with Gallagher being gay and Welt being bisexual or anything else.

I hope you guys enjoyed listening to me ramble about these old men and if you have your own headcanons feel free to share them <3

Also the template is not mine, the artwork is mine.

I found it on Pinterest and the original creators are Gibslythe and Teaskull.

[ash-and-starlight]

Books of 2023

the list nobody asked for <3

My reading habits had gone a bit stagnant in the past couple of years so this year i made the effort to engage in reading again and wow books really are good!! who would have thought! Sharing this year's book log with the small reviews i did while reading yeah i am That kind of list lover if u feel like being nosy, (and maybe even help mi crowdsource reading recs based on my likes 👀🤲?)

The left Hand of Darkness - Ursula K. Le Guin Ursula i Need to know your thoughts on omegaver- [gunshot] THAT ASIDE yeah. mrs Le Guin you've done it again. I can see why everyone got their brain chemistry altered by this book.

The Membranes - Chi Ta-Wei another brain chemistry altering book. would love to discuss it with a gender studies major lmao

Satanic Verses - Salman Rushdie its a v atmospheric and poignant story, I know I would have loved it more if I was familiar with the rich religious/cultural background it draws from

The Masquerade Series - Seth Dickinson Crazy insane in the membrane about this series. one of the most compelling worldbuildings I've ever seen, and most importantly it features one of the most crazy wet pathetic scrunkly meow meow protagonists i've ever had the pleasure of reading about.

Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides i liked the writing style of this book a lot! idk how well it holds up re: intersexuality topic, but its a very engaging read.

Dead Blondes and Bad Mothers: Monstrosity, Patriarchy, and the Fear of Female Power - Jude Ellison, Sady Doyle The title says it all honestly, its a beautiful, thought provoking and engaging essay, spanning eras, pop culture phenomenons, and real life events on the topic of women and horror.

The cat who saved books - Sōsuke Natsukawa this was so cute and heartfelt, it will really make you go Ah Yes, this is Why we Love Books <333

The Locked Tomb Series - Tamsyn Muir now when people say there is a girl who is the cursed sacrifice of 2000 infants who falls in love with the sleeping embodiment of the soul of the Earth (barbie) and also another girl who is the only survivor of the aforementioned sacrifice and is. a Jesus metaphor? and also the two girls become one at some point. and every book is a different genre. and god is bisexual. and memes survived the nuclear apocalypse. I can just nod and say so true.

The Area X Trilogy - Jeff VanderMeer Rotating this series in the microwave of my mind at the speed of light it's soSO GOOD!! the movie doesn't even come close honestly u NEED to read the books. and then go touch grass and be aware of every strand in a completely new way.

The Dawn of Yangchen - F. C. Yee nice read! I was more invested in the worldbuilding crumbs than in the actual story lmao, I will forever think about the HEATED airball rivalry between the air temples and about the swt greetings / bethrotal armbands.

Inuit Stories of Being and Rebirth: Gender, Shamanism, and the Third Sex - Bernard Saladin d'Anglure starting w a disclaimer bc I feel like the topic of native colonization was ignored when it should have been way more prominent when talking about the context of where and when these testimonies were collected?? That aside it was very interesting and well put together, with first account testimonies of Inuit elders about their myths, lifestyles and beliefs.

Pachinko - Min Jin Lee i read the book after having seen the tv series (which i also rlly recommend). Very moving story about a family and its generations, from Korea under Japanese colonization to modern day America.

Her body and other parties - Carmen Maria Marchado sometimes I go about my day then I remember this book exists and stare at the wall for 30 minutes.

Dictionnaire de l'impossible - Didier Van Cauwelaert big miss. this collection of articles about "strange impossible phenomenons" sounded so quirky and interesting but i sure would have loved if the author hadnt so clearly picked a side. and also way too much church for my tastes.

He who Drowned the World - Shelley Parker Chan Im not even gonna speak about this one if you've followed me since july you know what pits of insanity and despair i'm in

Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow - Gabrielle Zevin Sometimes!! the book with pretty covers put in the "famous on socials" bookstore section!! are good!! It's about being othered it's about connection it's about diaspora it's about love and friendship and most of all it's about viddy games.

Station Eleven - Emily St. John Mandel reading this post-covid and learning it was written in 2017 was A TRIP. Psychic damage at every page. still feeling very normla.

The Mask of Apollo - Mary Renault Ugh i desperately wanted to like this book because the setup is so interesting and full of potential, but the end result was just. flat. flat story flat characters the plot focusing on the wrong things at the wrong times i was so DONE when i reached the end otz.

Babel - R. F. Kuang LOVED the worldbuilding in this, the "lost in translation" system of magic is one of the most interesting things ive ever read. I think theres something about the writing in general that didn't win me over completely?? but all in all a very good

Red Ocean - Han Song This sure is a Book. That i've Read. its so profundly strange and unlike anything ive come across that i dont even know what to feel about it. i think 90% of my confusion comes from Not Getting Cultural References so if someone has a "red ocean explained" essay plz send it my way bc i couldnt find one.

[berenwrites]

Revelation - Stranger Things - Steddie - G

Rating: G | cw: none | tags: pre-steddie, bisexual steve harrington

Prompt: Love is being terrified but not letting that stop you from taking a leap (@unclewaynemunson)

A/N: Written for @steddielovemonth day 3. Missed day 2 because I was too busy, so I didn’t get it finished, but here it goes for day 3.

Also on AO3 | All my other Stranger Things Fic

Revelation :A Heart-stopping Reality

It was not a day for revelations. It was a day for relaxing in the sun with friends and letting the world go by. Steve was not prepared for anything else.

He had been sitting on a sun lounger watching Nancy dunking Jonathan in the pool while Eddie and Argyle sat on the side talking about something when it had hit him. All he’d been doing was comparing Eddie’s scars to his own in his head, thinking about how they matched in a couple of places. A perfectly innocent thought.

At least it had started that way.

He’d started wondering if Eddie’s scars were as sensitive as his own, what they would feel like under his fingers. What it would feel like to have Eddie touch his.

And now here he was sitting on his bathroom floor trying not to freak out.

“Steve, what’s wrong?”

Robin had to be standing in his bedroom. He’d managed to make it into the house without drawing much attention to himself, but she had been in the kitchen and, of course, she’d clocked him straight away. He’d made a dash for the stairs, but she’d clearly followed him.

“Steve, I don’t like it when you go quiet.”

She really did sound worried.

“You can come in,” he said, even as he mentally flailed.

Robin stepped into the bathroom, took one look at him, and immediately closed the door behind her again. Without a word she crossed the distance between them and sat down right next to him.

“Want to talk about it?” she asked.

It wasn’t demanding, just a question, and he felt something tight release a little in his chest. This was Robin, the person he told everything to. The person who told him everything too. The person he could embarrass by saying the word ‘boobies’, but who asked him to help her pick out her outfit, including underwear, for her first date with Vickie. The only reason Vickie wasn’t at his house today was because she had been dragged on vacation by her parents.

He took a deep breath. It was supposed to be calming, but it didn’t help that much.

“I think,” he started to say and stopped for a few moments. “I think,” he began again, “I might have a thing for Eddie.”

His heart hammered as he said it out loud and for the first time, he really appreciated how brave Robin had been in that bathroom in Starcourt mall. He knew Robin, she was his platonic soulmate, and admitting what he was thinking out loud was terrifying. They had only been work colleagues who had become begrudging friends when she came out to him. How she had had the courage, he couldn’t comprehend.

“Our Eddie?” Robin checked as if she didn’t quite believe what she had heard. “Hyperactive metal head, pariah turned hero of this town. That Eddie?”

He nodded.

“I wondered how his scars feel and what it would feel like if he touched mine and then it hit me that I’ve been thinking things like that a lot lately,” he admitted quietly, “and maybe I want to kiss him too.”

“And how does that make you feel?” Robin asked, reaching out and taking his hand.

“Terrified,” he said as his stomach flip-flopped yet again. “Have I been lying to myself my whole life?”

She squeezed his fingers gently.

“Thank you for telling me,” she said, leaning in close. “You know it’s okay to have a thing for girls and boys, right?”

Little rivulets of cold shock lanced through his chest.

“What?” was the best he could do.

“Remember I told you about Bowie, how he identified as bisexual?” Robin said.

“That time I had the really bad nightmare and you biked over?” he asked, because he vaguely remembered the conversation.

“Yeah,” she said with a nod. “That’s what bisexual means, liking boy and girls. Did I not explain it properly. God I am such a bad queer.”

“You probably did,” he interrupted her, before she could berate herself too much, “but I was running on about two hours sleep in three days. I probably missed it.”

He’d had a bit of a rough patch around Halloween the previous year. Too many memories and too many changes going on around him. It had brought all the nightmares back.

“And I just rambled at you,” Robin said, looking down.

“I love it when you ramble,” he assured her. “Helps get me out of my head. So, bisexual?”

“Yep,” she said, popping the ‘p’.

“But I’ve never…” he started to say. “At least I don’t think I have. Eddie is the first.”

“Bisexuals don’t have to like girls and boys equally,” Robin explained. “Maybe Eddie just pushes your buttons. I mean I’m not saying you have a type, but dark curly hair, big expressive eyes definitely do it for you. There’s Nancy for one, and you’ve only been even vaguely serious about one person since last summer and that was Melanie, who also had dark curls and big brown eyes. Or maybe it’s the whole you carried him out of hell thing that’s woken up that side of you. Just believe me when I say, there’s nothing wrong with what you are feeling.”

Steve took a shuddering breath. He had really needed to hear that.

“So, how do you feel now?” Robin asked after a few moments.

“Still terrified,” he admitted, but managed to give her a small smile, “but maybe a little better.”

“And what do you want to do now?” she asked. “Do you want to freak out a bit more up here? Do you want to go back down? I can kick them all out if you need space.”

He drew in another deep, stuttering breath as he considered her words.

“I think,” he said eventually, “I want to go down there and kiss him senseless until he doesn’t know what hit him.”

Robin blinked at him.

“Actually,” she said after a moment, “that is a very you reaction. Just maybe, ask first, yeah?”

“You think he’ll say yes?” he asked, stomach twisting yet again.

“Given the way he watches your ass, I think you might have a chance,” Robin replied. “I mean on an aesthetic level you do have a great ass, so there’s a small possibility it’s just hypnotising, but I’m more on the he wants a piece of that side of the fence.”

“You’re not joking?” Steve checked.

“About something this important, I would never,” Robin assured him in her most serious tone.

“Do you think he’s bisexual too?” Steve asked.

“Could be gay,” Robin pointed out.

“No, we’ve talked about girls,” he said, “and I don’t think he’d be that great an actor when he’s high.”

“Then could be,” Robin agreed, “but you do remember you have three other people down there, right?”

He did, so he nodded. That actually helped in a bizarre sort of way. Now he needed a plan to get Eddie alone, which gave him something else to think about. There was the gut-wrenching possibility that Eddie would reject him, after all he didn’t have the best track record with relationships even if Eddie did swing that way, but now he had a glimmer of hope. It was enough to cut a small path through the almost overwhelming fear.

It would hurt if Eddie did turn him down because he was all too aware his heart was already in this. It’s what made it quite so frightening. He hadn’t even realised he was falling, but he was self-aware enough to know he was way past a simple crush.

Maybe someone else would have taken the time to think it all through, but Steve wasn’t really a thinker, he was a doer. He knew only too well, if he wasn’t careful, he could think himself into a hole that was very difficult to climb out of, so he tended to act first, over-think later. He’d been terrified for a good percentage of his life since 1983. This was a different kind of fear, but he hadn’t let the first one stop him, so this one wasn’t going to either.

“Thanks, Robs,” he said, doing his best to give her the patented Harrington smile.

He could tell she saw straight through it, but she smiled back anyway.

“Go get ‘im, Tiger,” were her words of wisdom.

All my other Stranger Things Fic

[fairytail-whathesays]

Hello! I don't know if xreaders are still open but, I'm so curious what your take on a Sting x ftm!reader would be! Mainly sfw but nsfw is fine, too.

I love your headcanons so much, you really manage to portrait everyone's character so well! So thank you <3

So guess what finally reached 100 notes?

You probably thought I forgot about this ask, or didn't receive it, right? Wrong! Time to keep my promise!

Sting is like the anti-dysphoria fairy. I think out of every possible boyfriend option in the series, he'd be the best at this sort of thing. You think he wears that fur-lined crop top and those elbow-length gloves because he likes gender conformity? Lmao. Sting not only is a hype man by nature, he loves your masculinity, your male-ness, and encourages it and your expression of it however you choose. You want tips on serving pure "dude" or just affirmation? He's the one you go to.

See, if Rogue were your boyfriend, he'd be the type to respond to you being addressed with the wrong pronoun by just talking about you casually and using the correct pronoun without drawing attention to it. Not Sting--he loudly and pointedly corrects people the second they make that mistake, just because he knows people don't be paying no fuccin attention half the time. It's embarrassing at first because of how gung-ho he is about it but it's something you end up liking about him.

Sting is the type of bisexual dude to call himself gay at literally every opportunity and endorse anything that allows him to feel more gay. At first you think he's constantly referring to you as his boyfriend in public to make you feel good--then you realize he just really really likes letting people know he got himself a man.

If you don't know your best angles, Sting will find them for you. He's very much an Instagram bf, always taking pictures, even when you're just doing nothing sitting there drinking coffee. His phone is chock full of you and yes, you're his lock screen.

Do you have a name you like yet? Don't get it twisted, if you've already got all your manly gameplans in order, it's all good, but if you start dating him while transitioning, he will have endless recommendations as to your new name. You're dating a guy named Sting Eucliffe, after all.

Sting does not dim his light to keep pace with anyone, he emphasizes his partner's qualities as best he can. Even if you're the shy type by nature, like Rogue, you'll find that Sting never overpowers your presence in a room. Remember what I said about automatically being the hot person x hot person couple? Even if you start out known to peers as "Sting Eucliffe's boyfriend", it doesn't stay that way for long.

He does, perhaps, simp a bit. He's not wound around your finger, but you can get him to bend to your will a little more easily than other people around him.

NS/FW:

Regardless of what you're packing downstairs (or upstairs) you're good to go. If, however, you got some parts switched up, be prepared to spend a lot more time with Sting in Slut Mode--he loves to bottom. Even if you choose the strap-on route, he's happy either way.

Sting is so freaking good at oral, like, who the hell gave him permission??? It's ego, it's pride. You don't ask to have your eyes roll back in your head, he does it because he wants to.

Wear his clothes. Trust, you'll look good in them. And Sting looks good naked, win-win.