#I love a stuttering Alec

[im-out-of-it]

season 1, episode 12 part of probably 12 MALEC

151. is this where I left off? well let’s hope so!!!!!! I love Izzy coming up and telling Alec she’s proud 😭

152. Magnus’s expression isn’t in that scene exactly but I adore how he’s thinking: HE ACTUALLY KISSED ME

153. and then Simon ruining Alec’s happiness for a few seconds lmao ELAINE!!!!!!!

154. you can literally see the moment alec forgot why he’s happy in the first place

155. Magnus: I came here for well 1. Alec and 2. maybe the Valentine situation?

156. it makes you wonder if Alec ever thought he would lose his parents love or respect in a way. like Alec didn’t think Magnus would show or that he would kiss him and then for his mother to say all she did 😭

157. just don’t take eternity for that date

158. HOW COULD MAGS REGRET IT?

159. also it’s weird me saying mags here because it’s what I call my cat lmao

160. LOVE? WE JUST MET EACH OTHER!!!! y’all it’s probably only been a few days since they met

161. Alec: ummmmm well it’s, you see- actually well-

162. Magnus: it’s obviously new and we only met a couple days ago soooooooo but give us two weeks okay?

163. it’s nice to see Robert being a little bit supportive. not that big but just a tiny bit

part 13 coming up!!!!! fucks sake, this is one long episode discussion!!!!!!!!!

[murphy-kitt]

Ectoberhaunt Day 1 - Past

Word Count: 1822

AO3

When Jack and Maddie unexpectedly request Alicia take in Danny, she can’t help but worry that there are deeper problems at hand.

Tags: Angst, Slight Injury

—

It was an intervention, they had said. Some time away for him to deal with what had happened. The quiet din of the farm would be better for Danny than the constant clamour of Amity Park.

What has happened, Alicia still doesn’t know.

She sits at the kitchen table, the dogs circling around her feet. It’s only ever been her, Jip and Alec for a while now, at least since her last divorce.

And now Danny should be arriving soon. Of course, she loves her niece and nephew, even if it has been sometime since she’s seen them. The boy, she thinks, was obsessed with space. The girl, intuitive and a bit too in tune with the human psyche.

Alicia sips her coffee, pondering over what could be so bad it forced Maddie to take such a drastic decision. Amity Park and Spittoon aren’t exactly a stones throw away from one another.

There had been an accident of sorts, she remembers. Something to do with that ridiculous laboratory. An electric shock, was it?

But that was nearly a year ago. And Maddie hadn’t sounded half as concerned on the phone about that incident than the current predicament.

Then, she’s taken out of her thoughts by Jip whining, a high pitch that makes her ears ring.

‘Shush, you.’ Alicia scolds, chair scraping the tiled floor as she gets up. The collie dog paces to the door, the sputtering of an engine dying outside.

They’re here. Alicia’s not sure what to expect as she grabs the door handle, yanking it down with extra strength. She’s been too busy to fix that—but now it’ll be backlogged even more with Danny’s arrival.

It’s hard to miss the large tank currently imposing over her tiny house, gadgets arraying green and silver on the roof that she has no clue of.

“Alicia!” That’s the sound of one Jack Fenton leaping out the side of the..thing. Alicia doesn’t miss the clear bags under his eyes, the strain to his voice.

“Do I have to be here?” A sarcastic tone.

Danny is tiny. Alicia nearly topples over in shock, her hand finding the doorframe and feet cementing to the porch stairs. Jip whines, perceptive to the change.

Last time she saw him, a good few years, her nephew had been chatty and incessant about space. He’d always been small, a given since he was born six weeks premature. But this..it’s different.

He’s sickly. Frail. There’s a gauntness to his cheeks, a sharp edge where he was once rounded out with baby fat. His limbs are toothpicks, white needles marred with blemishes and blotches. A bandage twines around Danny’s left arm, clinging on as if it’s holding him together.

His clothes are filthy, torn and stained with green. She remembers Maddie mentioning...ectoplasm, perhaps? But after the accident, she thought Danny would have avoided the lab. At least that’s where she assumes it came from.

“Come in.” Alicia barely stutters through, shoving the door open. “Maddie not with you?”

“No.” Jack's demeanour instantly darkens. He turns to Danny, “I’ll get your things out the car, son. You go in.”

“Fine.” Danny folds his arms, scowling.

Great. Seemingly Danny’s sarcastic phase has set in, just another thing to deal with during this enigmatic stay. How long he’s staying for, Alicia doesn’t actually know. The weekend? Weeks? The whole summer?

They both enter the house, Danny begrudgingly following behind her like a lost puppy. As does Jack, two small duffel bags in his hands.

“Right son, I’ll leave you to it then?” Jack says, moving forward towards Danny, arms outstretched.

“Yeah, dad.” Danny takes a step back, hands in his pockets. Jack falters, the smile disappearing from his face.

“Oh—sorry, Danny. Your arm. I’ll—“

And with that, Jack vacates her small cabin, leaving only her and Danny standing around the table. He’s hunched over, like he’s being scrutinised. Or would rather be anywhere else.

What the hell happened?

—

“You’re in on it, aren’t you?” Is the first thing Danny says to her the next morning.

“What?” Is the only way she can respond as she pours milk into her cereal. Danny regards her, his glare icy.

She’d barely slept last night, ruminating over what could’ve happened. A fall out between Danny and his parents? Had he broken something in the lab, gotten injured?

“Why else would Mom and Dad send me here?” Danny folds his arms, looking down into his bowl of uneaten cereal.

“I don’t know. They thought you needed a break? They’re concerned about you.” An honest answer.

“They haven’t been concerned about me. Care more about the ghosts.” He shoves his chin into his hands, voice muffled so Alicia can barely hear.

She won’t deny Jack and Maddie are…absent as best. But she knows they do care deeply about Danny.

“Is this what it’s about? They’re focused more on their work than caring for you and Jazz?” Alicia asks, feeling the dread pool in her stomach. “Something happened to you and you wished they’d notice?”

Suddenly, the kitchen drops a few degrees.

Although the fire is blasting in the next room over, Jip curled beside, the hairs prick on Alicia’s neck. Tension curdles in her stomach as she watches Danny tense his fists into his hair. Toothpick arms, trembling.

He’s not the same as he was a few years ago. Sure, teenagers are meant to grow, become snappy, but this isn’t sarcasm or wit.

It’s fear.

“Danny,” she reaches forward, despite the trembling in her hands.

His eyes snap up. Icy. Once kind, sweet. Now filled with terror.

“Nothing—nothing happened to me!” He stammers out.

Which means something did.

“I don’t. It wasn’t meant to come out like this. Mom and Dad, they saw me, and I didn’t think. Not all of it, but they saw something. And now Mom won’t talk to me, and now they’re suspicious.”

“Suspicious?” Alicia hesitates. Danny has a secret of sorts? That he’s scared of Jack and Maddie knowing. That Maddie refuses to talk to him.

“It was this.” Danny gives her a fleeting look before gesturing to his shoulder, where the bloody bandage is still wrapped. On closer inspection she sees that there’s flecks of green in the bandage. Ectoplasm?

“You got into the lab? That ectoplasm stuff?”

“No, Aunt Alicia.I—I bleed it.”

What. Alicia’s ears ring as she shoves her chair back, the shrill noise echoing throughout the room. Rounding the table, she goes to Danny’s left.

“Can I?” She asks cautiously, gesturing to his arm.

The hesitance is clear in his posture, shoulders hunched by his ears, eyes wide, unblinking (were they always that blue?).

“You really don’t know, do you?” Danny mumbles, realisation seeping into his gaze. “They didn’t bring me here because they wanted you to get info.”

“You think they’d do that?” Alicia responds, trying to repress how appalled she is, both at his parents and his arm. The injury is far unlike anything she’s even seen, and living on a farm brings a range of afflictions.

Green bruises mottle most of the skin, from dark to lighter patches. It’s a burn of sorts, a mixture of green and red like a dated Christmas store.

“How’d you get this?” Alicia asks, as Danny tenses uncomfortably.

“Does it matter?” he deflects. “I’ve been like this for ages now.”

Ah. The green blood. Bleeding ectoplasm. What was a while back?

“Was it..was it your lab accident?” Alicia tenses. Now that she thinks, she can remember the phone call from Maddie, excitedly telling her about their ‘portal’, their life’s work. And then an extra tidbit about Danny having an electric shock, but that he was okay and seemed fine.

What if it had been worse, and Danny hadn’t told his parents?

“What if it was? What if it..changed me?”

”Look, kid. Trauma from that accident doesn’t mean you’ve changed, you’re still the sa—“

”It’s not like that, okay?! Sure, with the amount of psychoanalysis Jazz does on me, we know the accident traumatised me. But it’s not that.” Danny interrupts, twisting on his chair to face her.

Alicia pauses. Lets herself take a step back from Danny and sit back down, breakfast forgotten.

It’s clear this is serious. Alicia hates to think of the implications. Danny was in an accident much more serious than first thought. And not only he his hid it from his parents in fear of them finding out whatever it’s done, but they’ve never noticed.

How long ago was that accident? A year? And her sister and Jack had never noticed anything wrong until whatever had injured Danny had come to their attention?

”Okay, kid. I get it.” She puts her hands up in a placating gesture. If the accident was seriously altering, then it’s not something she wants to go interrogating him about. “How’d you get your wound?”

“What?!” The switch of topic has Danny sputtering, looking down at his arm. He regards her with narrowed eyes. “Why’d you want to know?”

”So I can re-bandage it. Is it a burn?” She gets up from the chair, opening the drawer besides the sink. Suddenly, Jip and Alec burst through the kitchen door, tails wagging.

”It’s not treats, you silly pair!” The dogs curiously nudge at Alicia’s legs as she approaches back to Danny, bandages and burn cream at hand.

”Yeah, a burn. Ectogun.”

”An ectogun. Isn’t that your pa—?”

”Yup.” Danny licks his lips, looking away, as if he’s considering something. “They didn’t know it was me.”

What?

”They shot you?!” This time, there’s no hiding the horror in her voice. This has to be a mistake. An awful, horrible accident. Maddie and Jack wouldn’t shoot Danny deliberately, they couldn’t. Wouldn’t.

Maybe they hadn’t seen him? Out ghost hunting and he’d got caught in the fray?

”Yeah…” Danny replies. “The accident, when I say it changed me..I look different?”

”What, you’re a ghost?” Alicia scoffs. Maybe it’s her mind trying to find reprieve in the absolute bombshell, to try and find humour.

Then she sees the trembling hands, the frozen posture. Temperature of the room dropped. Jip and Alec pacing, ears pinned back, needle-focused on Danny.

”You—y’know that one Mom goes on about?” Danny’s breath hitches, his eyes bleary, “The one she’s got a real hatred for, the one she wants to dissect?”

She can’t forget. Phantom. News channels have never reached Spittoon with ghost news, but there’s no need, since Maddie likes to update her.

How Phantom is evil, the terror of Amity Park. Yet how he’s different, somehow more complex and never sticks to a routine like the others—how she’d love to capture him.

’That ghost terrorises us, Lise. The day me and Jack capture it, imagine the breakthroughs we’d have. The research potential!”

Phantom, the ghost Maddie wants to experiment on.

Phantom, the ghost that is Danny.

Alicia feels sick.

[im-ovulating]

(A/n: "Tap- Tap- Tap in- Wrist on glitter, waist on thinner. I’mma show you how to bag an eight figure-"🤭)

(A/n: My turn~~)

Part 1

@pawspurpaw omg I still write??? Sorry for making you wait for the smut darling~

Word Count: 1,274

Summary- Aftermath of the photoshoot

Warnings: None, this is probably my most tame Alec fic to date lmao

Age Rating: 18+ Minors DNI

Boudoir Pt. 2: Alec Volturi x Fem! Reader; Collab with @kiiwiigii

-------------------

Your breath hitches at the demand.

A shiver climbs down your spine, shooting straight to your core as Alec traces his chilled hands from your ankles to your hips, kissing his way ever closer to your aching cunt. Your eyes flutter shut with a sigh as he kisses over your covered slit, the thin lace doing nothing to shield your soaked heat from his icy lips.

“Alec~” you breathe out, the drastic temperature difference sending your mind into a frenzy.

You can feel him smirk against you before he lifts his head, meeting your lidded gaze with eyes nearly black as night. His pupils take over most of his eyes, blown with lust and surrounded by a thin ring of red as he stares up at you from between your legs.

“Yes, Dolce?” His tongue traces a line along your barely covered lips, just light enough to make you suck in a sharp breath.

He’s teasing you.

Of course, he’s teasing you. Why wouldn’t he? He always does; always strokes and licks and nips at you until you become a quivering, whining mess beneath him. His pretty little kitten. His pretty little, eager to please, desperate kitten.

“Touch me~” You whine, hips canting up to try to find friction. Alec presses a kiss to the space where your pelvis becomes the inner part of your thigh, his chuckle reverberating through you.

“I am touching you, sweetheart.”

“You know what I mean,” you huff, impatient as he lightly trails the tip of his nose against your covered folds. You hear him inhale and immediately go to snap your legs closed. “Alec!”

His strong grip keeps your thighs parted as he buries his face deeper into your cunt. “Don’t try to shut me out. You smell fucking divine, my love,” he growls out.

Your face burns at his words as fresh arousal gushes from your folds. Alec pulls away just long enough to rip the lace, tossing what was your panties to some forgotten corner. Diving back in, he slides you down the bed a bit to hook your legs on his shoulders and licks a long strip up to your clit. The sudden stimulation has you gasping as your back leaves the bed; his cold tongue travels back down to plunge deep into your soaked pussy. He eats you out like a man starved, holding no reserve as he growls out at your taste.

“Taste like fucking candy…”

His grip grows stronger with every lap at your slick, his nose buried into your folds as he breathes in your scent.

“Do you even remember what candy tastes like?” you pant out with a small smirk. You can’t help the snark. You’ll pay for it, but it’s a small price to pay to see pissed Alec.

Alec pauses. His pupils fully dilate as he glares at you through his brow. “Careful…” He grounds out.

“Just asking~” you giggle out, lightly trailing the point of your high heel up the middle of his back. He growls out at your teasing, sitting up and moving to hover over you. You watch in your peripherals how his arms cage you in, muscles flexing beneath porcelain skin. “If you don’t shut up, I’m sure I can find a better use for those lips.”

You should be embarrassed at the throaty moan that elicits from you, but with how Alec’s eyes fill with hunger at the sound, you couldn’t care less.

“Good girl~” He drawls when you don’t refute, shifting to kiss down the column of your neck. He grazes his teeth against one of the bite marks; the sharp twinge of pain has your breath stuttering as your legs clamp together. Fresh slick gushes from you, dripping onto the bed and soaking the sheets. With how Alec rumbles against you, he definitely smells it.

In a flash, Alec discards his clothes and is back over you. “The things you do to me, Cuoricina…” He grunts, lining himself up with you. “Fucking hell-“

Your mouth falls open in a silent ‘o’ as he pushes in. The cold hardness of his cock contrasting with the scorching heat of your pussy makes your mouth water.

Alec pulls back out until just his tip is inside you and slams back in. He sets a ruthless pace, fucking into you with such a need that you can do little but lay there and take it. Each pass of his hips has your fingers twisting in the bedsheets as small pants fall from your parted lips.

It’s when he hikes your leg up that he hits that special spot and your vision dots with stars.

“Oh god! Alec~” You gasp out. “Right there; please… Do that again~”

And he does. Over and over and over again. Abusing your g spot in the best way. “Look at you…” He grunts. “So fucking good for me. Perfect pussy too- sucking me in so greedily.”

You can’t help how your muscles clamp down on him, eyes falling shut as you keen at the praise.

Alec drops his head between his shoulders to press a searing kiss to your lips. “Such a good girl~” he mumbles into the kiss. “My good, sexy girl.”

You can feel the edge getting closer. His words only add fuel to the fire burning in your core. In a desperate attempt to feel him even deeper, you wind you legs around his waist and lift your hips up.

“Don’t close your eyes.” Alec commands, gripping your jaw to tilt your head up. “I want you to look at me when you cum.”

He chuckles at your attempt and rests his weight on his forearms as he presses your body into the mattress with his own. He hips slow to a deep, purposeful roll. The ridges of his cock rubbing deliciously against your slick walls. Your eyes slip closed at the change of pace as one of your hands comes up to tangle in his hair. The other grips his shoulder, nails digging into his flesh. God, you wish you could mark him the same way he marks you. Wish you could leave a myriad of drag lines along his back and shoulders as a reminder of just how good he makes you feel.

A groan rips its way from your throat at his brazenness. You force your eyes open to meet his intense gaze. The look alone would be enough to make your legs quiver if they weren’t already. Your climax is fast approaching; coiling in your center like an asp preparing for attack.

A strangle gasp tears from your chest and your eyes roll back as your lids flutter. The light slap Alec delivers to your clit, sending a jolt of electricity through your already spasming muscles. “I said, look at me.”

Alec snakes his hand from your jaw to your throat, gently squeezing before trailing down to where your bodies meet. His thumb teases your clit as he continues his slowed pace. The sudden cold against your swollen bundle of nerves has the asp striking-

Lashing out in a fierce, frenzied craze.

You try, damn do you try. But the pleasure flooding your veins makes it a difficult ask.

“Alec~” you cry out as your whole body trembles with ecstasy. He continues to rub slow circles onto your clit as he rolls his hips against yours, letting you ride out your orgasm as long as possible.

After a couple more thrusts, Alec pulls out, spilling his seed onto your stomach.

[dweemeister]

Whenever you feel alone, just remember that those kings will always be there to guide you. And so will I.

Born to a turbulent family on a Mississippi farm, James Earl Jones passed away today. He was ninety-three years old. Abandoned by his parents as a child and raised by a racist grandmother (although he later reconciled with his actor father and performed alongside him as an adult), the trauma of his childhood developed into a stutter that followed him through his primary school years – sometimes, his stutter was so debilitating, he could not speak at all. In high school, Jones found in an English teacher someone who found in him a talent for written expression, and encouraged him to write and recite poetry in class. He overcame his stutter by graduation, although the effects of it carried over for the remainder of his life.

Jones' most accomplished roles may have been on the Broadway stage, where he won three Tonys (twice winning Best Actor in a Play for originating the lead roles in 1969's The Great White Hope by Howard Sackler and 1987's Fences by August Wilson) and was considered one of the best Shakespearean actors of his time.

But his contributions to cinema left an impact on audiences, too. Jones received an Honorary Academy Award alongside makeup artist Dick Smith (1972's The Godfather, 1984's Amadeus) in 2011. From the end of Hollywood's Golden Age to the dawn of the summer Hollywood blockbuster in the 1970s to the present, Jones' presence – and his basso profundo voice – could scarcely be ignored. Though he could not sing like Paul Robeson nor had the looks of Sidney Poitier, his presence and command put him in league of both of his acting predecessors.

Ten of the films James Earl Jones appeared in, whether in-person or voice acting, follow (left-right, descending):

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964) – directed by Stanley Kubrick; also starring Peter Sellers, George C. Scott, Sterling Hayden, Keenan Wynn, and Slim Pickens

The Great White Hope (1970) – directed by Martin Ritt; also starring Jane Alexander, Chester Morris, Hal Holbrook Beah Richards, and Moses Gunn

Star Wars saga (1977-2019; A New Hope pictured) – multiple directors, as the voice of Darth Vader, also starring Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Peter Cushing, Alec Guinness, Billy Dee Williams, Anthony Daniels, David Prowse, Kenny Baker, Peter Mayhew, and Frank Oz

Claudine (1974) – directed by John Berry; also starring Diahann Carroll, Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, and Tamu Blackwell

Conan the Barbarian (1982) – directed by John Milius; also starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sandahl Bergman, Ben Davidson, Cassandra Gaviola, Gerry Lopez, Mako, Valerie Quennessen, William Smith, and Max von Sydow

Coming to America series (1988 and 2021; original pictured) – multiple directors; also starring Eddie Murphy, Arsenio Hall, John Amos, Madge Sinclair, Shari Headley, Jermaine Fowler, Leslie Jones, Tracy Morgan, and KiKi Layne

The Hunt for Red October (1990) – directed by John McTiernan; also starring Sean Connery, Alec Baldwin, Scott Glenn, and Sam Neill

The Sandlot (1993) – directed by David Mickey Evans; also staring Tom Guiry, Mike Vitar, Patrick Renna, Chauncey Leopardi, Marty York, Brandon Adams, Grant Gelt, Shane Obedzinski, Victor DiMattia, Denis Leary, and Karen Allen

The Lion King (1994) – directed by Roger Allers and Rob Minkoff, as the voice of Mufasa; also starring Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Matthew Broderick, Jeremy Irons, Moira Kelly, Niketa Calame, Ernie Sabella, Nathan Lane, and Robert Guillaume, Rowan Atkinson, Whoopi Goldberg, Cheech Marin, Jim Cummings, and Madge Sinclair

Field of Dreams (1989) – directed by Phil Alden Robinson; also starring Kevin Costner, Amy Madigan, Ray Liotta, and Burt Lancaster

[djazzyhands]

Valentine

There was a light knock on the door to my office. I snapped my head up at the sound and muttered a quiet "Come in", before focussing my gaze on the screen again. Throwing a glance at the clock, my eyes widened. I'd been so caught up in finishing this report that I completely lost track of time. Everyone must've left the office by now. Well, everyone except Alec. 

With a faint shriek, the door opened, revealing a rather grumpy detective leaning against the wall. He stepped in and after straightening his tie, he let out a small cough. 

"Uhm... Hi, Y/N" he started, staring at me awkwardly. 

"Hi, Alec", I smiled weakly. 

The hours I'd spent peering at my laptop today, were starting to take their toll on me.

 "You're still here?" Alec frowned, taking off his glasses as I nodded. 

"I mean, obviously you are, I can see that, it's just-" he stuttered, and I chuckled softly.

 As awkward as he was, there was something endearing about the way he searched for his words. 

"Are you alright?" he eventually asked. 

Slightly taken aback by his concern, it took me a few seconds to respond. Not that he'd never shown  me any compassion before. On the contrary, he'd always been very sweet to me. He'd taken me under his wing from the moment I arrived at the station and seemed determined to take care of me. He'd just been very subtle with it. A cup of tea, a hand on my shoulder, a reassuring smile,... But never something this direct. 

"I'm fine," I shrugged half-heartedly, "Just a little tired."

He pulled up an eyebrow, eying me worriedly.

"I've nearly finished the file you requested, though" I mentioned proudly. 

Alec swallowed a sigh, stepping closer to my desk. Eying the screen thoroughly, he leaned over me, his tie brushing my shoulder. He was so close I could hear him breathe, and I caught a hint of his scent as he placed a hand on my chair. Nodding approvingly, he took a step back, deciding to lean on my desk this time. 

"It's my fault that you're still here, isn't it?" he stated guiltily. 

"Oh no, Alec! I know that this is important and I wanted to get it done as fast as possible," I explained.

 Hardy chuckled quietly. 

"Alright, then. Still, I want to make it up to you." 

I frowned slightly, unsure what to expect from him. 

"Oh?" 

He scratched the back of his neck nervously and glanced down, avoiding my questioning gaze. 

"You see, I uhm... I'm kinda glad that you're still here. Not that I want you to be tired, of course! I-..." 

He swallowed thickly, forcing himself to look up at me. 

"I just wanted to ask you something", he confessed, shoving his hands in his pockets helplessly. 

"Yeah?" I replied, my heart starting to beat a little faster as I looked into his deep, chocolate-brown eyes. 

"Well, you must've noticed that I'm... a little different with you than with your colleagues?" 

He eyed me curiously, and I nodded, a sudden flutter filling my stomach. 

"Truth is... I- I like you. Quite a lot, actually, " he chuckled nervously. 

"And... that doesn't really happen to me a lot. Especially after everything with Tess, I never thought I could love someone again, but... here you are." 

His voice softened as he stepped closer, standing but a few inches away from me. 

"You saved me, Y/N" he whispered, gently taking my hand and bringing it up to his chest.

Feeling his heartbeat under my fingers, I gulped slightly, not daring to look up at him. Alec, however, cupped my cheek with his other hand and smiled at me encouragingly. Searching for my eyes, he brushed his thumb along my cheekbone, gazing at me intently. When I finally looked back at him, his eyes seemed to plead, begging for permission as he glanced at my lips, unsure whether I wanted this or not. He patiently waited for me to decide, now caressing my hand on his chest as well.

It wasn't a hard decision. I'd loved him for such a long time, never expecting anything in return. But here he suddenly was, desperate for my affection. Closing my eyes, I leaned into him and felt his lips, soft and warm against mine. It didn't take long for Alec to respond, and he kissed me back passionately, yet gently, letting his hands slide down my sides. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he pulled me flush against his chest, surprising both me and himself. 

"Sorry", he blushed, "I-" 

But I silenced him with another kiss, startling him at first, but soon enough he melted in my embrace, granting me a satisfied groan. When he eventually pulled back, he kept me close, trailing kisses to my ear. 

"I know I'm a bit late, but... Will you be my Valentine?" he whispered lovingly. 

[gotham-ruaidh]

Little Bit Better Than I Used To Be

Catch up: Chapter 1 (Starry Eyes) || Chapter 2 (Save Our Souls) || Chapter 3 (Dancing On Glass)|| Chapter 4 (Merry-Go-Round)|| Backstage (1) || Backstage (2) || Chapter 5 (Danger)|| Backstage (3) || Chapter 6A (Love Walked In) || Chapter 6B (Without You) || Backstage (4) || Chapter 7 (Stick To Your Guns) || Chapter 8 (Time For Change) || Backstage (5) || Chapter 9 (Take Me To The Top) || Backstage (6) || Chapter 10 (Home Sweet Home) || Backstage (7) || Chapter 11a (Nightrain) || Chapter 11b (Nothing Else Matters) || Chapter 12a (Handle With Care) || Chapter 12b (I’m So Tired of Being Lonely) || Chapter 13a (Angel) || Chapter 13b (She’s My Addiction) || Chapter 13c (Patience) Chapter 14a (Where Do We Go Now?) || Chapter 14b (Where Do We Go Now?) || Chapter 14c (Where Do We Go Now?) || Chapter 15a (Dreams) ||| Also posted at AO3

Chapter 15B: I Sing A Song of Love

Wilmington, North Carolina

Labor Day Weekend, 1988

~~~~~~~~

When I cannot sing my heart I can only speak my mind

- “Julia”, The Beatles (1968) [click here to listen]

“How was Alec?”

Jamie drew back the covers of Dougal and Gillian’s guest bed, bending to kiss his wife’s bare shoulder. “Good. He’s been producing a record for a local New York band – some punk kids he saw at CBGB. He wanted my advice on something.” He settled against the headboard, rolling his shoulders. “He also said that Faith took some really good photos at the wedding. I asked him to send them to Colum.”

“Hold these for me?” Claire slipped off her rings. Carefully he took them, watching her rub lotion into the palms and backs of her hands.

“I know you don’t like it when I take them off, Jamie, but it’ll just be for a moment. I’ve been feeling so dry since we landed.”

He shrugged. “I don’t mind. And I hope the dryness is something you can get used to. If we’re really serious about the house.”

Dougal, God bless him, had introduced them to Amy – real estate agent extraordinaire, and former patient at The Ridge (“white wine,” she’d explained in the car from the airport. “I thought I had it under control until I crashed my car into the house I was about to show, right in front of the clients, and two empty wine bottles rolled up from under the seat”). Amy was smart, and low key, and had lined up showings for six beautiful homes tucked away in the mountains.

So much to think about.

But they had time, now. All the time in the world.

“I can get used to anything, Jamie. When I want to.” She held out her hand, and softly, gently he slid her engagement and wedding rings back onto her finger. Kissed her knuckles.

She smiled. Reached out to trace her name tattooed over his heart. The only tattoo on his chest – proudly visible to the world on the nights he played without a shirt.

“Would you add our wedding date?”

His heart raced beneath her thumb. “Maybe. But I was thinking that I could save the space for something else.”

She quirked an eyebrow.

He smiled.

“Maybe – the names of our children.”

Her thumbnail grazed his nipple. Eyes searing into his.

And then his mouth was on hers, sharing breath and laughs as they struggled under the thick comforter to find each other.

Sometime later, he slipped from her to turn off the lights in the room. Paused to light the candle on the bedside table. Heart stuttering with love as the shadows played across his wife’s smiling, sleepy face.

“What was the first tattoo you ever got?”

He tangled his legs with hers. “On the top of my left arm. The name of our band. Me, Ian, and Angus all got it at the same time.”

He shifted a bit, and she squinted in the candlelight – but there it was.

“That’s adorable.”

Jamie snorted. “Angus was the one who wanted it. We’d just signed our record deal, after three years of playing shitty club after shitty club, and getting stiffed by promoters who didn’t pay us, and dealing with some real next level bullshit. So we went out to celebrate, and Angus downed half a bottle of tequila, and Ian and I helped him with the other half, and before we knew it we were on a quest to find a tattoo parlor.”

She smiled. “And you and Ian got them by accident?”

He traced the long, sloping line of her clavicle. “Fuck no. Angus cried like a baby because it hurt so much. And then I wanted to show him how it’s done. And then I bulled Ian into it. It’s still the only tattoo his has. Jenny was so mad. But she’s over it now.”

“Does Angus have any more tattoos?”

“I have no idea. Why don’t you ask one of the groupies?”

She pushed him gently. “Stop. Charlotte and Molly are actually really nice girls. I think they genuinely care about him. From what they told me last week, they had a wonderful time in Aruba.”

“Please tell me they didn’t share any specific details.”

She rolled her eyes. “I know they’re both on the Pill, because they asked me for a prescription when they learned I was a doctor. Kind of awkward when I told them my license had been suspended, but I helped them get what they needed.”

Jamie buried his face in Claire’s shoulder. “That’s good. But I really don’t need that mental image. They’re both a foot taller than him, for God’s sake. How does that even work, in bed? Sounds like a complicated math problem.”

She kissed his forehead. “From what they told me, it’s not an issue.”

He shifted up, mouth finding hers in a kiss.

“Will it ever stop, Claire?” he whispered against her lips, after a long, long while.

He didn’t need to be more specific.

“I don’t know, Jamie.” She kissed him, long and sweet. “I really don’t. But I don’t want to ever find out.”

--

Two A.M. Neither could sleep – too much on their minds.

Sometimes it was like this on the road.

They speculated why. Too much post-show energy. An uncomfortable bed. Because no substances were available.

Or, as Jamie would say – too much life to live, to waste by sleeping.

“Play for me?”

He kissed her forehead and crawled out of bed, toward the guitar case.

She recognized it from their time at The Ridge. A bit of mother-of-pearl inlay on the neck. Sides worn with time and love.

The guitar he had written all those songs on, at The Ridge. The songs he had always played to her first, in the early morning before everyone else woke up. Feeling like the two of them were the only people in the world.

The same songs he now played, night after night, for thousands of people.

Every time still felt like the first time.

She sat up a bit in bed, leaning against the headboard. Watched Jamie sit beside her, candlelight playing over his arms and chest and hips.

“Any requests, Dr. Mrs. Fraser?”

She smiled.

“Surprise me.”

He smiled back. Thinking.

Strummed a few chords. Thinking.

Launched into song.

Half of what I say is meaningless

But I say it just to reach you, Julia

Looked up at his wife.

Her beautiful, beautiful face stricken with pain and grief.

He lay down the guitar. Pulled her to him, skin on skin.

Holding her, smoothing her hair, as she cried.

“Sshh. I’ve got you. I love you. Sshh.”

She took a deep, shuddering breath.

“My mother was named Julia,” she whispered into his neck. So softly that he felt it, more than heard it.

“I’m sorry. I never asked you about it. I didn’t mean – ”

“The White Album was the first record I bought with my own money. I used to listen to this song and think of her.”

He pulled her a bit closer. Wanting her to crawl inside his skin.

“I wonder sometimes what my life would have been like, if she and my dad hadn’t died when I was five.”

“If you would have become an addict, you mean?”

She twined her fingers with his. Thumb tracing his wedding ring. “If I would have married Frank. If I would have become a doctor. If I would have become an addict. If I would have met you.”

“All what ifs. You can’t drive yourself crazy that way, Claire.”

“It hurts, Jamie.” She closed her eyes. He kissed the tears sliding down her cheeks.

“I know, Claire.”

“I really wanted her to be at our wedding.”

“I know.”

“And your Mom, too.”

Ellen Fraser had died when Jamie was eight.

If anyone understood, it was him.

“Yes. I’m sorry. I never want to cause you pain, Claire.”

She took a deep breath. “I know, Jamie. And you couldn’t have known about the song.”

He kissed her cheek. “I can play another one.”

She shook her head. “No. I want you to play it. I need a new memory.”

He smiled. Gently turned her around so that he sat against the headboard with her back pressed against his front. Reached out for the guitar and settled it across Claire’s knees, his hands reaching around her to find the strings.

He strummed a bit. She relaxed a bit.

“You know, John Lennon wrote this song for his mother. She was also named Julia. He lost her when he was a young man – and he mourned her the rest of his life.”

He kissed the shell of her ear. Played another chord.

“It’s OK to mourn, Claire. And to remember.”

Began singing, low and quiet, into her ear.

Half of what I say is meaningless But I say it just to reach you, Julia

Julia, Julia, ocean child, calls me So I sing a song of love, Julia…

Safe in his arms.

“Love you,” she whispered, starting to drift away.

He finished the song. Carefully set the guitar on the carpet, and eased her back onto the bed. Holding her so close, so gently. A wonder.

“Dear God, I love you.”

[paracosm-draw]

Alec stepped back until he felt the hard wood against the back of his knees. He was trapped, unable to escape from the room and from the gaze of the man standing in front of him. His heart was pounding faster than a caged bird.

"I- Please... He stuttered, pretty blue eyes so wide they seemed to eat all his face. Don't kill me..."

He gasped when the other man took a step closer and fell on the table behind him before feeling his breath catch in his throat as the man leaned in, his long ringed fingers brushing his.

"You seem to be a very pretty good boy... The man smiled with a low voice, amusement and curiosity shining in his golden eyes. Why would I kill you when I can have so much fun with you ?"

His warm velvet voice sent shivers down Alec's spine and stomach and he felt suddenly weak in the knees. Looking shyly into the other man's eyes, he wondered brielfy if this was how prey felt just before being devoured by their predator.

Here it is finally ! I hope it meets your expectations 😌 Personally I had so much fun drawing that piece that has a lot of details and I must admit that Magnus' outfit was a challenge. Also I will never not love to draw some blushing Alec...

[i-have-not-slept]

By The Angel Bingo Prompt— Didn’t Make It To The Bed

Read on ao3 or below:

warning: slight NSFW

Fifty-three hours. That’s how long it had been since Magnus had last seen his husband. Fifty-three hours, and he felt about ready to claw his skin off.

The reason it had been so long since he’d last seen his husband was because Alec, bless his noble hardworking heart, had rushed off to deal with a freak outburst of demon attacks near the now-sealed Idris border, and remedying the situation had kept him away from home for the better part of three days. Their communication had been limited to brief fire-messages, hastily scribbled by Alec and sent to Magnus, nothing more than hurried updates on the situation.

And Magnus loves how selfless Alec is— but he also likes having his husband with arm’s reach, thank you very much, and Alec’s absence makes his skin itch. Waking up to an empty bed, sitting alone in the evenings, missing and aching— it was almost more than Magnus could tolerate.

He had just returned home from dropping Max at preschool and Rafe at kindergarten— and they’d been missing Alec too, which made Magnus miss him even more— when he got the fire-message.

It was written in Alec’s neat handwriting, and said simply, Mission done. Team returning to the Institute now. I love you.

Magnus’s heart thudded with sudden, hot gladness. His hands were moving almost without conscious thought, creating a Portal and stepping through into the entry hall of the New York Institute.

The room was full of Shadowhunters, sweaty and dirty and still in their combat gear, evidently having just returned from the Idris border. And there— there was Alec, in ripped gear, still holding his bow and talking seriously to several Shadowhunters Magnus didn’t recognise. He looked so calm and in control, so like a leader. And then Alec looked up and saw him, and Magnus’s heart stuttered.

All the neurons in his brain seemed to vanish, replaced by the single, desperate need to be close to Alec. Magnus sprinted towards him, flinging himself at his husband. Alec’s bow clattered to the ground as he caught Magnus with the same wild need, swinging him up into his arms. Magnus’s legs wrapped around his waist, Alec’s hands locking together under his thighs as they kissed, and Magnus didn’t care who was watching or what they thought. Alec’s cheeks were rough with stubble, his skin carrying the tang of sweat and metal and leather from his mission. He held Magnus with a grasping, desperate need, his kisses hot and forceful.

“Home.” Alec gasped against his mouth, and Magnus broke away from the kiss just long enough to conjure a Portal behind him. Alec crouched to retrieve his bow, keeping Magnus tucked securely against him, then carried him through the Portal.

They didn’t even make it to the bed, tumbling onto the living room rug the second the Portal closed behind them. Alec tossed his bow onto the couch, and turned all his attention back to kissing Magnus. It was a state of affairs Magnus was more than happy with. He shoved Alec over onto his back and scrambled on top of him, bending down to continue devouring his mouth.

His magic must have acted on pure instinct, because between one second and the next their clothes vanished, without any conscious decision on Magnus’s part. Alec, sprawled under him, didn’t seem to mind at all. He moaned appreciatively, hands sliding up Magnus’s back as he pulled him in closer for more kisses. With another pulse of magic, Magnus was slick and ready, and he was guiding Alec’s body to join with his. He knelt over him for a moment, taking a deep breath, legs trembling, before letting himself drop and taking his husband to the hilt in one deep slide.

Alec’s hips bucked up, and he cried out, unprepared for the sensation of being fully inside Magnus. Tears pricked behind Magnus’s eyes, not tears of pain, but of love and gratitude and relief that Alec was home and they were together again. The intensity of his feelings welled up like a wave and spilled out of his eyes. Alec reached up with both hands and brushed his tears away, before wrapping his long fingers around Magnus’s face and holding him still for a moment, looking into his eyes before releasing him. “I love you.” he said simply. Magnus’s pulse fluttered in his throat.

Soon he was riding Alec in earnest, his moves fast and frantic. Both of them chasing the connection between them that had been missing for too long. Magnus felt sweat run down his back as Alec squeezed his waist, felt whole again for the first time in days. It wasn’t long before he was coming with Alec’s name in his mouth, the syllables forced out of him with every messy jolt of Alec’s hips against his. Alec followed him almost instantly, fingers digging into the meat of Magnus’s thighs as he gasped his name to the ceiling. Then they were both sticky and limp and exhausted, and Magnus collapsed on top of Alec, too tired to even move.

He snuggled into Alec and wrapped his arms around his neck contentedly. Alec clutched Magnus to him in a way that suggested the mission had taken more out of him than Magnus had realised. Alec was always very physically affectionate with him, but never more so than when he’d returned from being away from home. He wrapped himself around Magnus like a blanket, a very strong and muscular and cuddly blanket. It was bliss. Magnus snuggled in.

“Can we just stay here for a while?” Alec murmured to him.

“That sounds great.” Magnus mumbled. Even though it was mid-morning, all his limbs felt heavy and exhausted, and he could feel his eyelids drooping. He didn’t sleep well anyway when Alec was away, and the post-orgasm haze of tiredness was washing over him. He waved a hand languidly, and a thick blanket materialised over them.

“I missed you.” Alec murmured against the shell of his ear. “Magnus, I missed you so much.”

“Likewise.” Magnus breathed. He felt the warmth of sleep drawing him in. Soon the rug they were lying on would get too uncomfortable and they’d have to move to the bedroom. Soon the real world, with all its demands, would rush back in. But for now, Magnus felt he could allow himself a short nap, wrapped up in his husband’s arms. Safe and together again, just as they should be.

[somethinglikethatyeah83]

HE GOT AWAY: Alec Hardy

Pairing: Alec Hardy x Reader

Warnings: Threatening, mentions of death, knifes and you get stabbed. Broadchurch stuff, I guess? Set during the Danny Latimer case so massive spoilers for season 1

Summary: You know who Danny's killer is, but only because he comes to have a word with you...

Word Count: 2.33K

Alec wasn’t home, still in the office. I’m still off after having Violet but Alec had wanted to get back to work as soon as possible for the Danny Latimer case. 

Which I think I’d just solved.

Joe Miller stood in my kitchen, a place I felt as a sanctuary, holding an eight inch knife pointing in my direction. I didn’t know if I would be able to step in this room again after tonight, if I got out alive. Joe, though, was nervous. Completely and utterly unstable as he shook in front of him. His interrogation against me was evidently unplanned, as I recognised the handle from my kitchen drawer. But his stance was wary, which meant I had a chance of getting out alive.

My gun was in the living room, on the highest bookshelf so Violet couldn’t get to it, but still in reach of me, just in case anything happened. I couldn’t get to it at the moment, though. The last time I used it must have been a good 6 months ago, and I couldn’t even remember if it had any bullets in it, but maybe that was for the best. A scared still hormonal mother with a gun? Never a good idea. And maybe just the notion of getting shot would be enough to get Joe to cave. If I could get a hold of it. 

“Joe-”

“Shut up!” He shouted, shaking the knife at me. He had tears in his eyes and that fearful look that scared me. He could do anything and I wouldn’t be able to stop him.

“Don’t make this mistake.” I warned, holding my hand out in front of me, a good distance. “You’re unstable and scared- I don’t blame you-”

“Scared and holding a knife, do you really want to take that risk?” He threatened, feet glued to the wooden floor, but staring at me with an intensity that only a murderer could have.

“Put the knife down, Joe.”

“Why should I?”

“Remember I’m with the police. I’m married to the detective inspector and best friends with the DS, your wife. You kill me, here, tonight, everybody is going to know. Alec will leave no stone unturned until he finds my killer and when he finds you, which you know he will, he won’t be merciful.” I tell him, watching as his face dropped and it clicked in his head what he was doing. Clicked that what he was doing made no sense at all. “You already have Danny’s life on your conscious, do you really want mine?”

He was so close to caving. To handing the knife in and letting me take him down to the station. But then the phone rang, my mobile sat on the counter, lit up with Alec’s number.

Joe’s face hardened. “Answer it, put it on speaker. Act normal.”

I reached down and answered it, hearing the chatter of the office, Alec’s voice calming me even though he had no clue that a murderer was in our kitchen, threatening to kill me.

“Darlin’, was there anything you wanted me to pick up from the shops on the way home?” He asked, from over the phone, in a moderately perky mood compared to how he would be if he knew. 

I stuttered, stumbling over my words and the nerves took a hold. Joe’s stare for worse. “We need tomatoes for dinner.” I told him, saying the first thing that came into my head because there was a murderer in my kitchen. 

There was silence over the phone, but only for a second. It would probably be the last thing I said to him. I probably wouldn’t make it out here alive and he would have no clue. I’d die here tonight and leave Violet without a mother, Alec without the love of his life, the one person he can tell everything and anything. 

What would Ellie think?

I hadn’t even thought of her. Her husband was a murderer, and she had no idea. Her husband, the father of her children, Tom and Fred, was a murderer. None of them had any clue. And if I didn’t get out here alive tonight, no one would ever know until Alec found out. Joe would walk free.

“You alrigh’, love?” Alec asked from the other side, his voice high and laced with worry. He knew something was wrong, and Joe would make me pay the consequences for that.

I swallowed, steadying my voice, my eyes still staring at Joe to make sure he didn’t move. “Yeah, perfect. Violet’s already asleep upstairs so we’ve got the evening to ourselves.”

“Lovely. I’ll text you when I’m on my way. Love you.” 

“Love you too, Alec, so much.” I tell him, and I could almost hear the smile on his face as he says goodbye again, and ending the call. 

I flip my phone over quickly, turning to Joe again who still has the knife pointed in my direction. He’s still scared but he’s managed to mask some of it. Definitely still unstable, though, and I still might have a chance to let him cave.

“You’re really going to kill me?”

“Why shouldn't I?” He negotiates, taking a step closer to me, which now has my back against the door. I want to stay as far from him as possible, but if he steps closer there’s nowhere else I can go. “You know what I’ve done. You’ll get me arrested. If I get you out the way, Tom and Fred will still have a father. Do you really want them to lose me?”

“Do you want Violet to lose her mother?”

“She isn’t my kid!” He shouts, making me flinch. He can’t control his anger, the tears of frustration falling from it but also a higher chance of another murder here tonight. 

I took a deep breath. “How would you feel if you lost Ellie, huh? It’s the same situation, Joe. How is she going to react to you killing Danny and me?”

“She’ll never find out.”

“You know she will.” I shook my head, swallowing and watching as he got closer. Closer to giving in. “You can’t just refuse it. You can either spend your life riddled with guilt for Danny and I, or you can go with grace and get better. Settle your mind.”

“No.”

“All you have to do is come with me. I’ll take you down to the station. You can confess and serve the time you deserve.” I negotiate, knowing I was helping. Knowing I was so, so close to getting him to cave. I had a chance to get a murderer off the streets tonight and I was as sure as hell going to do my best. “You killed a child, Joe, there’s no escaping that. You can at least go with some dignity, instead of making it worse.”

“No!” He shouts, his whole body shaking with fear, and confusion, and I know he knows I’m right, but he’s fighting it out of fear. He doesn’t want to go, and I don’t blame him, but he deserves it. 

He shakes his head, slowly taking small steps towards me. Each step has my heart rate speeding up. This was it. I was going to die tonight and there was nothing I could do about it. Alec and Violet would be left alone, without a mother and a wife.

“Joe, don't do this.

“You can’t stop me!” 

“She can’t.” Alec’s voice came from behind me. I hadn't even heard the door. “But I can.”

But it wasn’t quite enough. Everything happened too quickly after that for me to keep track. Joe grabbed my wrist and spun me around so I was facing Alec, and the cold metal of the knife was held up against the sensitive skin of my neck. Alec had his gun pointing at Joe, who I could no longer see, but feel his hand on my wrist.

“Joe, don’t do this.” Alec warned, eyes darting between Joe and I. “Killing a police officer is worse than murdering a child, the time you’ll spend in prison will almost double.”

“That’s all I’ve been hearing from her, ain’t it? For the past half an hour.” He sounds disgusted when he refers to me, looking at Alec. 

“Put the knife down.”

Joe didn’t say anything. The tension was too thick, the air was warm and the anger that spilled from Alec was worse than I’d ever seen it before. This could go either way, one would end up with me dead, or a murderer in prison. I knew which one it would be immediately.

And there it was.

An excruciating pain in my abdomen, blood in my ears and dripping onto the floor. There was muffled shouting, a deep Scottish shout and some smashing that resembled that of glass, I wasn’t paying attention. But it didn’t matter. All the chaos didn’t matter, not anymore. Because a murderer was getting away because I’d let him. Joe was getting away.

“He’s getting away…” I murmur, reaching my hand out to the window. It all felt so far away now.

Alec was above me, though, I knew that much. I could just about feel his hand in mine. “You’re going to be fine. Bob’s called an ambulance, we’re going to get you to a hospital.”

He was getting blurry, though, and slowly further and further away from my reach.  I knew I was about to black out but there wasn’t anything I could do about it. Joe was getting away and I was about to die. Alec and Violet would be left alone.

“He’s getting away…”

I could hear the heart monitor, and when I tried to move, a dull ache still throbbed in my abdomen. The smell of sheet vinyl and cheap PPE plastic overwhelmed me, but at least it told me where I was; a hospital. 

At least I was alive.

Part of me knew that wouldn’t let me die in our kitchen that night, but most of me knew that chances were I wouldn’t. Joe probably only just missed a vital organ, and I still could have died from blood loss.

But I didn’t. I was alive. I was alright. Alec and Violet still had a wife and a mother.

And there they were, sitting right next to me in the hospital bed. 

He sat bolt upright when he saw my eyes open, Violet cradled in his arms, sleeping softly. It was obvious the second I looked at him that he hadn’t had a wink of sleep for however long I had been out. 

“You’re awake.”

“I’m alive.” I told him. “That’s more important.” 

Alec nodded, shuffling closer to me in the hospital chair he’d been given. I reached out for him to pass my Violet but he shook his head.

“They’ve said you’re not allowed to hold her until the wound has fully healed. And no pressure on it at all, so when you sit down you have to sit up straight. And no work until it’s fully healed, too.” He lectured, evidently worried for what my reaction would be.

No work and no daughter? Now that was just cruel.

“Shit, seriously?”

“I’m sorry. As soon as you’re allowed, I’m sure she’ll be clinging to you.”

I shrug, looking over at her in Alec’s arms. She was so cute, asleep. Not knowing that her mother had nearly been murdered. By someone that had held her, someone that knew her. I hadn’t even thought about it.

“Joe. It was Joe.” 

“Aye, I know.”

I looked up at Alec who had a nervous look in those gorgeous eyes of his. “How could we have missed it? How could it be someone we know so well?”

Alec shrugged. “I don’t know.”

It was time to ask the question I’d been avoiding. “Have you told Ellie?”

“No.” He shook his head. “She wasn’t in the right frame of mind after she heard what happened to you and I wouldn’t want to make it worse. She had to be told in a civil place, where she can’t do anything to harm anyone or herself.”

“I can’t believe he got away.” I started unconsciously tapping against the hospital blanket I was shrouded in. I couldn’t believe that I had let him get away. I thought I’d either die in the room or a murderer would be off the streets, it hadn’t occurred to me that he could have ran away.

And what would Ellie think? She would find out soon enough and I really don’t think she would be able to handle anything like this at the moment. Tom and Fred would lose their father and Ellie would lose the man she thought she could trust the most.

“Don’t blame yourself.” Alec murmured, holding Violet with one arm and taking my hand in his spare one. “There wasn’t anything you could have done.”

I leant back against the pillow. “I know, I just- he was right there. If I’d had cuffs on me I could have arrested him there and then but I wasn’t at work. I don’t even think the gun has bullets in it.”

“If it hadn’t been for you, if you hadn’t kept him busy we wouldn’t know it was him. Now we know who to look for. We’ll find him soon.” Alec assured, squeezing my hand.

I looked up at him and smiled. He sent a soft smile back as my thoughts started spiraling again. “How did you know I was in trouble?”

Alec laughed slightly, a fond smile on his face. “You told me we needed tomatoes. You hate tomatoes. I knew you only would have said that as the first thing that came into your mind. I knew you were in danger.”

“Thank goodness you know me so well.” I smile. “I love you.”

Alec grinned down at me, nodding. “Love you too. And we’ll catch him, promise.”

[faejilly]

Shadowhunters prompt! Where the A/B/O thing means Magnus’s attempts to get Alec’s attention are really out there. Alec is charmed but baffled

so uh. I wasn't quite sure where to go with that, because Magnus & Alec's ability to try and communicate at dramatic cross-purposes is Very Them™️, but I usually think the a/b/o thing would make it easier what with pheromones and more defined gender/courting rituals? But then again it's not like Nephilim would have any idea how anyone else does things, and Magnus would be rather paranoid about crossing any lines?

Yeah. That totally works. Even if I failed to explain any of that IN THE FIC, hopefully baffled Alec is still entertaining? LMK if you want more, there's a whole lot more explanation in my head so I'm sure I can come up with something. 😅😅😅

That was Magnus.

In the Institute.

In a suit with a vest but no shirt and those boots and his hair, and Alec suddenly realized he was still standing with his arm raised from opening a door even though the door had shut behind him.

He was alone with Magnus in the Institute foyer and he was gorgeous and he smelled perfect, as warm and comforting as the incense that burned in the chapel without any of the cold tang of adamas-laced stone beneath it that always made Alec's spine straighten and nose wrinkle because that smell meant work.

Alec finally remembered to let his hands drop to his sides, and then realized Magnus had said something, and he was almost smiling and he was...

Holding out a bouquet of flowers?

Alec blinked.

"What."

He didn't manage to make it sound like a question, and he almost winced as Magnus' expression tightened, and he leaned back and he was further away and the flowers were gone, and Alec almost whimpered in disappointment.

"My apologies, of course."

And then somehow Magnus was bowing and he was even further away with a flourish of his hands and a twirl of his coat and the click of his boot-heels on the stone floor and Alec tried to reach out a hand because he still couldn't figure out what Magnus had said, he'd been too distracted by how pretty he was and how nice the flowers were but then he was alone by himself in the Institute with his hand hanging in front of him.

Again.

What.

Why.

Alec sighed, and stared up at the ceiling, as if that would give him the answer, would explain how his why are you giving me flowers when we haven't even rescheduled our date yet and I haven't gotten you anything? somehow come out as why would you think I'd like flowers despite the fact that Alec adored flowers and would love to tell Magnus that.

If he could just remember how to talk when Magnus showed up?

He'd managed to say yes when Magnus asked him out for drinks!

Only then he'd had to chase Clary and apparently Magnus thought that meant something other than literally having to chase Clary because she didn't have the sense God gave sheep.

Izzy or Jace were going to manufacture a disaster and call Magnus to clean it up just to find out what was going on between them, and Alec hated to think how much of a catastrophe they'd manage on purpose, considering the chaos they pulled off all the time mostly by accident.

He hated even more that he was half-tempted to create a disaster himself so Magnus would stop thinking he'd done something wrong and disappearing to regroup before Alec's brain could reboot after seeing him.

How the fuck was one person that attractive, it should be impossible.

Maybe he could write a letter and throw it at Magnus the next time he showed up?

He heard the door he'd come through open, and the stutter of boots as someone had to shift to avoid him where he was still standing by himself right in front of the door.

Alec sighed again. "Yes, Yoshino?"

"I was uh." Yoshino somehow still looked perfectly composed and reasonably elegant in her leathers even as she shrugged and side-stepped to get around him. "Just going out for coffee. Want anything?"

Alec shook his head. "No, thank you."

"You... all right sir?"

Alec lifted his brows at her.

"You've got that smoky cedar smell thing going on, and that usually means you're about to do something on purpose that terrifies the trainees more than their own reckless stupidity, and I just want to know if I should get some extra bold beans to stash in the kitchen for the rest of us so we can keep up."

Alec snorted and shook his head again. "I promise not to scare the trainees."

Yoshino's nose wrinkled as she stared at him. "Two bags then, got it."

He blinked, and she turned and left, and he allowed himself a grin as the door swung closed behind her. That was probably a good idea, actually. He could use the kick to help him figure out a new approach.

[im-out-of-it]

season 1, episode 6 continued

21. I think I left off here, anyways, moving on. so Magnus is having to spell it out 😭

22. Alec notices magnus exerted his magic, so not only did he come here to help his parabatai who doesn’t care about him but HES CLEANING UP AND HELPING MAGNUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Alec is aware Magnus is powerful but he’s doing the work for him because of how much magic he used 🥹

22. okay these are not in order but I have laid out this beautiful scene ✨

23. Alec: please tell me he doesn’t drink that often because what the actual fuck is this

24. I think this scene is also important because it’s showing that Alec is being torn between family honor and being happy. everything he does is for others. does he keep making his family proud and stay in the closet or get out of that closet and start living for himself? I don’t think at this time alec realizes that he can have it all. I think he’s afraid of his parents expectations for him and he doesn’t feel as if he has a choice.

25. but here is Magnus who understands and doesn’t push any expectations on him. Magnus got his heart broken by Camille and this is something that he still feels and he feels that Alec could break his heart if it turns into anything serious.

26. “Why’d you come?”- magnus. “I’m not sure, I wish I would, I, I, I don’t know” alec stuttering in Magnus’s presence 😭

27. giving supernatural powers to the dumbest mundane and shadowhunter alive is crazy. Clary abused her gifts and it makes me mad that if anyone should have more powers, it should be to the girl that doesn’t think and barely works for anything. why is it that powerful ambition has to go to the one who didn’t earn it? I think it would be more fascinating to read it from someone who’s known they are supernatural but later on get enhanced, and then see them wrestling with that. Clary didn’t deserve to 1. be a shadowhunter and 2. to have the angel powers. they were right to take that power away from her.

so we landed at 27 today 👏🏼 let’s see what we get for our next one, and it may be a while before I can do the next one ☹️ but thanks for coming to our we love show Malec meeting and whatever name I used before 🫶🏼

[alexanderlightweight]

Hi! How are you and saeths today? And adorable Nightshade?

I love your writing!

My prompt is reuniting, perhaps after quite a bit?

hey! we are both doing good if a bit tired. something in the yard is spooking Nightshade at night and so he's been practicing his 'big adult dog bark' while hiding by the bed which means less sleep.

so i hope you like this because it is definitely reuniting. it's just a little different

this is a part of the stray-cat alec verse i'm finally writing. which has a pwp au on ao3

my, what big paws you have is the title. saeth named it

thank you! and it's a lovely prompt

<3 lumine

-

Magnus stares at the shadowhunter on his balcony, both shocked and a little alarmed at the fact that not only did his wards not keep the intruder out, but they also aren’t registering him as a threat. An unannounced, unidentified and uninvited shadowhunter is on Magnus’ balcony near the heart of his lair and his magic is unworried. The only reason Magnus doesn’t blast him out of there instantly, is that the magic is buzzing almost fondly and the shadowhunter is sitting on the floor covered in the alley cats that come up for food.

Magnus takes a deep breath, changes his outfit and summons a few battle rings and then steps out onto his balcony. The shadowhunter notices his approach, Magnus knows he must have, but he remains calm and relaxed, petting the cats before he looks up.

Magnus’ breath catches at the same time his heart stutters and an unbearably ache of longing tugs at him.

“Hi Magnus.” He’s told, something unimaginably and dauntingly soft in the man’s voice. He’s clearly tall with how much of his long legs are splayed out and devastatingly handsome with stubble on his face and one eye a cloudy, dull silver that Magnus recognizes as the work of a curse. There’s a cut through his eyebrow, down the eyelid when his lashes flutter shut, and to the top of his cheek.  He’s dangerous yet soft and he’s looking at Magnus like Magnus is his entire world and he’s been gone for a very long time.

Magnus swallows, suddenly understanding that something far more than just an intruder is happening here.

“Hello—” he allows, lowering his voice from the boom he was going to project into something soothing and deep. “Will you tell me your name as well, or have you come to linger like one of Brooklyn’s stray cats.”

There’s a moment of almost surprise and then the shadowhunter gives a rueful laugh and slowly — out of clear consideration for Magnus — untangles a hand from the cats and runs it through his hair. Magnus feels a vicious spike of jealousy, as if his hand wishes it were the one to do such a thing and he pushes it down, shocked.

“Alexander, Magnus. For you, it will always be Alexander.”

Magnus feels a weight to those words but before anything else can happen, his wards flood with annoyance as another nephilim presence is picked up.

Magnus turns, because his stray shadowhunter is clearly not a threat but the one at his door is at the very least an annoyance. Magnus has no patience for that and the anger that was diffused at the sight of a soft smile flares back up.

Magnus opens his door with a scowl and glares at the figures on his doorstep.

“Sir!” The shadowhunter says and Magnus blinks, startled because the shadowhunter is addressing him. It’s not a title Magnus is used to from shadowhunters but he nods, face still unimpressed as he raises a brow. There is a haggard looking warlock behind her and when Magnus flicks him an accusing gaze, the warlock smirks and mouths back “she paid so much” and then they portal away, which well then, that’s fair.

“By any chance have you possibly seen—” and the shadowhunter trails off, looking miserable as if she doesn’t know how to explain what they want to ask. “What I mean to say is, if you be any chance see this shadowhunter—” she holds out a picture of Alexander. “Would you please let the Institute know? You’ll be paid of course! And we’ll send someone to figure out—” the shadowhunter winces, paling, “I mean retrieve him back.”

“Oh? Is he some sort of criminal?” Magnus asks, amused because he could honestly care less depending on the laws broken.

“What? No! He’s the commander!” The shadowhunter blurts out, absolutely appalled and with a starry-eyed hero worship Magnus didn’t know could exist in shadowhunters.  “But the clave keeps sending envoys and messages about his paperwork being overdue and Mirai doesn’t know where he put his tablet. We thought he was in the greenhouse but then we realized no one had seen him in hours and anyone who listens knows he’d come—” and the shadowhunter cuts herself off.

Magnus feels blank with shock that comes from an unexpected torrent of information. He’s also trying to figure out how a nephilim commander ended up on his balcony like a stray kitten when there is a sigh behind him.

Apparently, Magnus’ magic is truly enchanted, because Alexander was allowed to pass through the loft and he’s now behind Magnus with a weary, unimpressed look on his face.

“Sir!” the shadowhunter says and she looks like she’s about to cry or throw herself at her Commander in an attempt to try and physically haul him back with her. “Commander, Mirai would like to inform you that she desperately needs you to come back.”

“She only needs my signature.” Alexander says with a sigh, “and she knows how to forge it. I’ll simply add my rune once she’s done, she knows I trust her.”

“Commander!  You can’t say things like that outside of the Institute.” The shadowhunter begs and she’s very clearly at the end of her rope. Magnus would almost feel enough pity to help her except he’s too intrigued by Alexander and delighted by his attitude. Especially when it’s clear this is a normal routine for Alexander.

“I can say whatever I’d like, wherever I like.” Alexander retorts, “unless it makes Magnus uncomfortable or sad.”

Magnus blinks, stunned by the randomness of the statement and the sincerity it holds and he’s even more shocked by how unsurprised the shadowhunter is.

“Commander, please. It’s only been three months since we got you back. Please sir, come back to the Institute.” There is almost what look like desperation in the shadowhunter’s eyes and Alexander sighs before he reaches out and pats the hunter on the head very carefully.

“I’ll come back with you.” He allows, as if it’s a deeply unfortunate concession and the hunter looks relieved. “Magnus, I’ll see you soon?” It’s phrased like a question but Magnus knows with a soul deep certainty that it’s a promise and it’s only out of consideration for him that Alexander is saying what he is.

“Anytime you’d like.”

Slips out of his mouth before he can help it and, feeling rather coy and devious he ignores the suddenly miserable look on their third wheel’s face. Magic sparks from his finger and while the hunter flinches back, Magnus pays her no mind.  Not when Alexander steps closer, his body between Magnus and the hunter and he shoots his hunter a disappointed look that has her face falling. 

Alexander just leans forward and Magnus thinks his shadowhunter is going to be bold and brush his cheek to Magnus’ fingers.  Instead, Alexander smiles at him, something soft and wondrous and so deep that Magnus doesn’t understand it. Then, plush lips brush over the magic and a kiss is pressed to the pads of Magnus’ fingers.

“I’ll see you as soon as I can, then.”

-

a hint for everyone curious

magnus has never met alec. this is his absolute first time meeting him. this is not a 'magnus removed his memories fic' or anything like that.

this is magnus is going wtf why do i have a stray shadowhunter among my cats? and then going 'i dont actually care and he can come back'

[apocalypse-shuffle]

ALEC HARDISON (leverage)

—

“Break” (Alec Hardison x Fem!Reader)

| You visit Alec to let off some stress and to get out of your own head.

| NSFW, 18+, minors dni, cockwarming, oral (male receiving), spacing out, sub space?

| Since Leverage: Redemption season two just came out and I watched Black Adam yesterday I’m gonna finally post this. Or not! It’s been, like, almost a full year since I wrote this.

| 1k+ words

Beg. NOTES: Listen, I don’t know how much of an audience reader insert fics with Hardison have (very little from what I’ve seen), and I don’t want to intrude by posting this, but hey! Without risks you’re not truly living, right? ALSO, I love Alec and Parker together and I love the OT3, okay? Don’t come for me.

You close your laptop only a little harshly, finally done with your work for the day. Now you could read or do something else to decompress and rest your eyes from the strain of your computer screen, but something is pushing you towards your boyfriend in specific.

You know he’s doing a virtual campaign right now so you haven’t seen him in a few hours, but he’s never rejected your presence as long as you weren’t disruptive, so? You shrug and walk off towards his room. No harm in testing it out. You feel the tiniest bit depraved of your Alec and you wanted to give your mind a break anyways.

He turns to you languidly, no startling and no obvious irritation on his face. You nod to yourself and softly click the door closed.

“Hey,” his voice is soft and he gives his usual bright utterly smitten smile that makes you want to die (in a good way). “Class go well?”

You smile just as sappily back at him and revel in the way it makes him soften even more.

“It was alright,” you incline your head as he chuckles. “I could use some of your company though. You know, if it’s not too much to ask?”

His eyes widen briefly before he starts hurriedly moving things around.

“Yea- yeah, girl. Come right ahead, you know I always got time for you,” he takes a second to unmute to declare he’s present since he was apparently on hold because of complications on somebody’s end. He beckons you over right afterwards. “You have something to do?”

You shrug, dropping down on all fours.

“I have four hours to waste, which means I have four hours to relax. If you wanna fuck around some?”

“Oh,” he breathes. He knows exactly how you like to fuck around when you’re stressed.

Alec looks at you wide eyed for the entire time it takes you to cross the room to his desk. Snapping out of it only when you’re kneeling in front of him and running your hands up his thighs.

He makes a choked noise, hand snapping up to cover his mike and pull it away from his mouth even with it being off.

“Jesus, baby, are you sure?”

His voice is rushed but he’s looking at you with obvious interest. You smile up at him before leaning in and ghosting the tip of your nose over where you know his cock is hiding in his basketball shorts.

You make eye contact, “Please?”

Alec’s leg jumps.

That, the soft needy question you pose, is all he needs because in a second he’s reaching his hand back for one of his pillows and dropping it down for you to kneel on. You do so with a small chuckle and a “thank you.”

He’s trembling and giving you the most eager looks in between participating, voice mainly only keeping steady because you’re not trying to distract him. You just want him in your mouth, no mischief needed. Though he is fidgety partially because he knows if the inclination struck you you could easily embarrass the hell out of him.

You laugh and move to pull his pants down his thighs with his assistance. Once he’s free to your satisfaction you brush the lightest kiss to his happy trail. He sighs, meeting your gaze intermittently as he plays through his turn. In response you trail featherlight kisses down to his dick, which is steadily hardening for your consideration, kiss at his base and then travel down to lick over his balls.

His voice stutters harshly over his next sentence and you smile before pulling away. He gives you this panicked desperate look, making as if he’s about to start complaining you, but you wave him off.

“Easy baby,” you mouth right before making him gasp by kissing his tip and then wrapping your lips around his head.

You keep your pace easygoing as Alec stutters and stops over his words; as he trembles against you, dick twitching while you slowly engulf him.

You wring your first moan out of him when you’ve gotten him all the way down your throat, mind steadily blanking on anything other than the weight of him on your tongue and the slight twinge in your jaw, when the back of your throat swallows over his head.

His head drops down and his hand clumsily snaps out to mute his microphone.

“S-shit girl, oh my god. It’s like you’re trying to kill me -goddamn.” he groans at the hum you give him.

You barely fucking hear him, have no clue when he moaned that he nearly did it for everyone to hear. You're just losing yourself in the sensations. The way he pulses in your mouth, the occasional twitch as he struggles not to fuck into your throat, how your jaw feels, the stretch of your lips, and then the drool running clear like polished glass down your chin and dripping onto Alec’s balls.

You sigh and go limp against him when his hand moves to your head. He burrows his fingers into your thick curls to get a firm grip but doesn’t do anything else. You swallow around his cock again in thanks, only in tune with the way it makes him shift against you. In the strangled noise he makes. The fact he’s on call isn’t even a factor any more; just his pleasure and how he feels in your mouth.

Your eyes flutter shut happily as he scratches blunt nails against your scalp.

“God baby,” he gasps and you whine just the tiniest bit, pussy twinging between your legs. Your hands don’t move from their position in your lap though.

Alec’s got you. The thought echoes in your mind nicely as you hand over control. You don’t have to worry about anything else but him.

- - -

Alec curses above your head, completely unregistered by you, and then rushes to get himself excused. You’re making him feel so fucking good and for that you deserve all his attention -and boy does he want to give it. Plus, you dropped so fast that he’s a bit worried about you; it typically took way more coaxing from him to get you out of your head.

He’s extra careful with his movements as he logs off and shuts down his setup. His eyes draw fully to you once he’s done and don’t leave. You were too pretty like this, face relaxed like it only ever was in sleep with your lips stretched to accommodate his girth.

He brushes his free hand over your face when he shifts too much for your liking and you let out an utterly disparaging whine.

“Shh, baby, it’s alright. You’re doing so good for me, you know that? I got you I promise,” he grinds forward the smallest bit, moaning when you squeeze down. “So damn good.”

NOTES: Hi, hope you enjoyed! I don’t know shit about dnd so I kept this as vague as possible, and I didn’t use gaming because I know even less about that shit.

I’ll catch any typos later!

I just got back on my Leverage bullshit and so now I feel I must finally blow the thick layer of built up dust off of this draft and post it. Keep in mind though that I have since turned this fic into another - heavily edited - Peter Parker fic with a similar premise because of how scared I was to post a “Hardison x Reader” story, let alone a smutty one. (I know, self plagiarism; the horrors! The whole idea of “self plagiarism” is nonsense anyway, but I digress.)

btw: if you’d like to leave a comment I’d very much appreciate it! this is a sideblog tho so I won’t respond.

[kat-is-laem-oa]

Chapter 12 (Mini/Bonus): No Me Decepciones, Lightwood

(Previous Chapter) (Next Chapter)

“I left extra bedding in the closet. I’m sure you can call Magnus to help transfer your stuff,” Alec said as he rolled up the sleeves of his jacket, trying to look at anything but Eljah, like the blank walls were interesting. At the smaller man’s silence, he turned around and raised his eyebrows. “You okay?”

Eljah brushed the question off with a similar expression to Alec with drawn lips. “I’ll be fine. Don’t act shocked when I do force Magnus to redecorate this place, though.”

Alec smirked a little, huffing out a laugh. His aura was lightening with his stress levels and it made Eljah’s follow, simply happy to see him happy.

“I’m next door but I’m, you know… always doing something.” He swallowed in an attempt to bite back his painful inability to act cool. “I left my contact on the side table in case you can’t find me… or the others, around.”

Eljah’s mouth formed a reverse smile, but it didn’t accurately convey his emotions. He found it genuine and kind that Alec would go through the effort of finding and filling a room for Eljah, instead of simply ordering someone else to do it, and then leaving a way to reach the shadowhunter at all times.

Maybe he was overthinking it. The man was still unsure if Alec would ever match with him like he did with Magnus. They looked… complete when they were together, and Eljah couldn’t deny it. Hell, Izzy even made a joke about Magnus. Clearly, people see something possible between the two.

No one ever saw Eljah as a possibility.

“Thank you, Alec. You don’t have to worry about me. I’ll get out of your family’s hair as soon as I can, I promise.”

“You don’t have to.”

“What?”

“I mean… you could always… stay,” he stuttered and struggled to maintain eye contact.

“Alec-”

“I’m just saying. It’s dangerous for Shadowhunters even from inside the Institute… imagining you out there on your own, it’s… It’s just too risky, okay?”

“Do you want me to stay because it’s dangerous, or?…”

“I don’t know. I can’t-” he closed his mouth in a tight line, breathing deeply with his eyes shut. “I don’t know… but if you stay, I could try to… figure it out.”

“Would you do that?”

“I think I would.”

“No me decepciones, Lightwood.” Alec absolutely had no idea what Eljah was saying (he liked French and Latin best growing up), but he sheepishly smiled regardless.

˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　 . ✦　　　 　˚　　　　 . ★⋆.

Last chapter in this upload series! It is plentiful, to say the least, so I thought a cute chapter in between would, well... be cute! Much love! - Wren

[ghoulie-67-baby]

Living as a liar - Hodge Starkweather.

Summary: You find him after his betrayal. Your heart shatters where you stand.

Prompt: ‘I know I shouldn’t love you and yet I still do.’ ‘It’s wasn’t fair. It isn’t fair.’

Warnings: betrayal, crying, angst, violence, blood, wounds,

Pairing: Hodge Starkweather x reader (platonic/otherwise).

Word count: 1,000.

Pain ran up my shins, feet slapped against the stone floor as I frantically chased after Jace. My ribs ached with the strain of my heavy breathing, clenched hand sweated around my weapon as I skidded to a stop beside one of the stone pillars.

Agonised screams from Hodge echoed around the dock as Jace yelled in fury, tackled by Alec before he could land the fatal blow.

"It’s over!" Alec's voice was hard with command as he shoved Jace against the ground.

"It’s not over. He’s a traitor. He deserves to pay." The growl in Jace's voice was drowned out by the sounds of pain as Hodge clutched his stump of a hand. The voices faded into the background as I slowly made my way over, hesitant to confront the betrayer. I stared in silence as Alec activated his runes, the pained sound intensifying as they began to heal over.

"Y/N," he gasped, gritting his teeth as he stared up at me, eyes flickering to my glowing blade.

"Don't." My voice quivered and I shook my head at Him, stepping back as Luke helped him to his feet.

"Please don't look at me like that?" I scoffed, eyes hardening on his face as he looked pitifully at me.

"Like what? Like I'm hurt. Like I'm standing in front of our betrayer. Like I've lost a part of my family?" His eyes dropped to the floor as I spoke, my stomach churning with sickness. "Because I am. You were family. You were so much more than just a teacher than just another Shadowhunter."

"I was locked away from everything. I had no freedom." My hands shook with anger as he spoke, words almost begging for my pity. He wouldn't get it, not from me, not after all this.

"You did that! You did it to yourself-" I threw my hands up as I yelled, my anger getting the better of me. "-You had chance after chance to leave! You could have gotten out! You could've been free!" I turned around, biting back tears as I threw my blade to the ground, surprised by my anger as it embedded in the concrete.

"I couldn't see a way out." He whispered, almost like he was pleading with me. I spun back around, my chest rising and falling in quick succession as I tried to hold back my feelings.

You made a choice, the wrong choice, but you made it." I stalked towards him, noticing Alec and Luke looking at one another as if debating letting me get any closer. "You could've chosen us, you coward, we were your way out. You were lucky to live after that, all of you were but you're still here. You are still alive." My voice dropped into a whisper as my eyebrows furrowed, tears spilling over my waterline as I gazed upon the man I once called family. Waves of anger and anguish flooded my senses as my lip quivered. I let the emotions take over, lunging at the Shadowhunter with a cry.

"You could've fucking chosen us, you coward! You could've chosen us!" I screamed at him, eyes hot with tears and fury as my fists collided with his chest, the pair of us staggering back as I threw my weight against him. "I trusted you!" I lashed out, hands scrambling to hit any part of him I could reach.

This wasn't fighting like he had taught us, this was me begging for this to all be a dream, to not have to lose the man that had welcomed me into his space and taught me to protect myself and others. This was scrambling to find an ounce of forgiveness for him only to come up empty. This was the heart-stuttering shock of being plunged into the icy water and having to fight the burning in your lungs as you gasped for air. This was worse than anything I'd ever experienced before, worse than the feeling of someone dying because at least that person would be at peace. Betrayal meant the person you lost was still out walking around, living a life you should have been involved in, a life you should live too.

"Do you know what the worst part is?" Each word was emphasised by a hit to the chest, legs almost crumbling under me. "The worst part is that I know I shouldn't love you and yet I still do. That's the killer Hodge." My breath caught in my throat as I forced out the words. "That's what breaks my heart most."

Arms wrapped around my waist, yanking me back before I could start another round of punches. I scrambled against the hand, digging my nails in to try and escape the grasp but they didn't let up. Luke's eyes were filled with pity as he held onto Hodge's bicep, grip almost bruising his skin.

"Stop Y/N," Alec's voice was low, almost like a warning as I crumpled in his grasp. "Enough now." Giving in, I slumped against him with shaking legs, my wet breaths rattling in my chest as small sobs wrenched free from my throat.

"It wasn't fair, what you did, it wasn't fair." I sobbed, vision swimming as I dropped my head down. Scuffling feet on the floor indicated Luke was leading him away, Jace following as backup whilst Alec stayed holding me.

"It isn't fair!" I screamed into the cold, empty air, the sound echoing around the dock as I let my knees collapse under me. My anguish poured out as Alec sat in an unjudgemental silence, hand on my shoulder as I cried to myself.

After this, I would leave Hodge and his mistakes behind, and let him be a dark, distant memory of something I knew we could never keep. I'd move on, let myself and my family heal, never failing us by trusting so blindly again.

After this, I would emerge as a better warrior. For the sake of the others that had been betrayed.

[buffyspeak]

the clave: surely if we teach our young nephilim that emotions are weaknesses/distractions/something to be repressed, they’ll stop having emotions and just be good soldiers, right? what could go wrong?

and they were SO wrong. because what happens when you train a group of people subject to emotion (bc they definitely definitely are! even if you think angels might not be, humans are, and shadowhunters are still half-human) is not that they STOP having emotions. it’s that they never learn to express them in meaningful and healthy ways which can be both detrimental to them and the people around them! (it is fundamentally what the clave wants still, though. people who can’t put what they’re feeling into words are going to have a way harder time questioning authority.)

it’s so interesting to see with alec! he’s not always a super verbal person anyway (#autistic alec ftw) and i think he’s a fairly internal processer. BUT in this scene in 3.04 with magnus, it seems very clear that he’s upset, knows he’s upset, and isn’t really trying to hide it from magnus. but the way he stutters around the words and grasps at them and cuts himself off, he’s not just trying to express how he feels, he’s trying to sort out WHAT he feels in real time.

it’s an interesting parallel to because from what i remember of 3.05 in their fight near the end of the episode, i think he comes off less unsure because he makes broader, more assured statements - he seems more articulated, i guess. maybe because he’s been brewing about it all day. but the conversation goes a lot of places because he struggles to understand, yet alone convey, what he’s actually upset about. and magnus in turn (and i think for fully understandable reasons) does not really get that this issue isn’t as simple or one-dimensional as jealousy, or even as familiar as the immortal-vs.-mortal conundrum. it’s about alec not having ever felt like a first-choice to anyone (which is a bit ridiculous and disasterish because i don’t think he quite grasps how much his siblings adore him, but there are reasons for that) and having finally felt secure and wanted with magnus and now starting to have that—shifted. compromised when the move-in question comes up because now he’s thinking about what exactly he even means to magnus. and he knows that it’s not magnus’s fault that he’ll one day ‘move on’ (a loaded term but i digress) when alec dies. and on a fundamental level, i don’t think alec wants him to Not do that! he wants magnus to be happy, to have a good life after him, to have had a good life before him! it’s just that all that can be true and it can still hurt to feel insignificant (which for the record, alec would be MORTIFIED to ever admit, which i think is why this emotional revelation is particularly hard to articulate) (magnus, for his part, knows that all love is different and would be shocked to hear that alec doesn’t understand remarkable and precious he is to magnus).