#I like all of this so get peer reviewed
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#(aber @sinnsenke liger oder töwe?? also wierum sind die eltern?)#also erstmal find ich raubkatze nen gutes catch all und alab und atba (assinged leo at birth & assinged tiger by adam) einfach irre komisch#ich bin aber auf jeden fall für liger und zwar nicht aus dem elterngrund (der in der biologie ausschlaggebend ist)#sondern weil er zuerst leo und dan tiger war#hope that helps <3#for the spatort girlies (genderneutral) (via @sinnsenke)
Spatort-People! Helf mir mal bitte:
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HEY. POINTS FINGER… any thoughts on how everyone reacted when the other joined the team? as in how did killer react when dust came, how did he and dust react when horror came, how did they all react when cross came, etc. i love love LOVE your bad sanses thoughts way too much they make me so happy. if i write hurt you write comfort and it’s awesome. also how do you think they slowly started to get closer? just.. bah give me your thoughts on them!!!! any thoughts!!!!!!!!!
You fool!! You’ve given me a chance to ramble about my special little guys and now this post will stretch on forever!! Mwahahahahah >:3c
No but seriously this is probably gonna be wicked long cause I have 1 million thoughts about these guys joining and meeting each other so uh, readmore for everybody’s safety and sanity
(^ I wrote that in the document before I started typing out my actual thoughts and uh
yeah no kidding, this is like a fucking essay so proceed with caution)
OKAY SO
I’ve said before that Nightmare got Dust for two reasons; one being that Dream had just recently started working with Ink (and soon Blue) so he and Killer were no longer able to gang up on Dream. He wanted somebody else to bulk up their numbers and give Killer a little back up. He also was starting to realise that Killer didn’t handle being alone very well, since this was when he most often got worked up and broke things around the castle (and sometimes tipped over into stage 3). Dust would be a perfect fit since he had the same amount of lvl and fighting experience as Killer, and since they were so close in circumstance they would be practically like brothers right?
The irony that he thought this about a guy he was recruiting to help kill his brother was apparently lost on him.
They absolutely hated each other. Like, it was instant. Killer saw him as a replacement, why would boss go out and get another sans - one with almost the same backstory as me - when I’m right here? Does he think I’m not good enough? Am I disposable and this is the backup for when I die in combat? He didn’t take it well. He took it all out on Dust too, not cooperating in battle, trying to start fights in the castle, etc. He couldn’t outright kill him because Nightmare had given him strict orders not to, but Killer loves a loophole. If he roughed Dust up down to 1hp and something else happened to finish him off, technically he’d followed orders.
Dust just straight up didn’t want to be there. Nightmare just showing up and yoinking him had worked fine with Killer, but Dust had wanted to sit in his empty au and die, he had no intention of joining a team or doing work of any kind - good or bad. The only reason he didn’t just lie down and refuse the entire time was that he had to fight back against Killer, as much as he wanted to die he refused to give this ass the satisfaction or lvl. He didn’t intend to be any help out in the field either, but again, Killer was making sure he got fired at so he had to retaliate to stay alive.
Eventually it got bad enough that Nightmare had to pull Killer aside and demand answers. In the year or so of knowing him Killer had never willfully disobeyed orders before, so Nightmare needed to know what had gotten into him. He dispelled the replacement rumour right away, he still wasn’t quite softened up enough to be sappy about it but he made sure Killer understood what a good worker he was and that Nightmare had no intention of losing him. It didn’t help a lot, they still hated each other for other reasons, but it eased a little.
Killer still had pretty frequent dips into stage 3, except now he would go straight for Dust usually. Nightmare had tried to explain what he’d learned about it to Dust, but he didn’t really believe that it wasn’t just Killer deciding to try and kill him for funsies. He only accepted it after a particular episode where he attacked Nightmare instead, which Dust knew Killer wouldn’t try in his right mind.
After he came back to his senses he sought Dust out. The air around Killer was very different after a stage 3, sort of sombre and almost calm, so Dust let them sit together and Killer apologised for giving him such a hard time. They actually talked for the first time in months while Killer was still calm (or tolerable, as Dust describes it), and it didn’t magically fix everything but, things were a little better. They still fought and argued and bothered each other but it wasn’t as sharp, there was a lack of real murderous intent in it all, and sometimes after an episode they would talk a little bit. It was the best Nightmare was going to get for now, so he took it.
They were still completely incompetent about taking care of themselves though. Neither of them would eat unless prompted and Nightmare didn’t have good enough knowledge of mortals to know when that should be to stop them passing out from hunger on the job. Not to mention the stars were now a full team, and with the way Killer and Dust would sometimes rather target each other on the field he could do with more backup.
Horror was the first of the group to get a choice in joining. Nightmare had taken note of how much Dust didn’t want to be part of things, and while it was in his best interests in the long run given his situation, Horror’s au was still mostly intact - though a little in disrepair. Horror was also the first in the group to have a good (and ongoing) relationship with his brother, so Nightmare knew he couldn’t just pop in and steal him, he had to be a bit more diplomatic with this one and offer a deal.
He gave Horror some time to think on his proposal - he would set up regular deliveries of food to Horror’s au in exchange for him joining their team - and was quite surprised when Horror agreed, with some stipulations. Horror was equally surprised when Nightmare agreed so easily to his terms (that he didn’t want his brother to know what he’d be doing, and that he wouldn’t kill). A little down the line the terms were altered to add that he would also be left to visit his au every week or so.
Horror was not impressed meeting the other two. He didn’t need his power as judge anymore to sense the lvl coming off them both, and given who they were working for he was instantly distrustful of them both (the uh, brother situation did not help). He was also in a place that had an abundance of food for the first time in probably years, so he was doing a lot of going hog wild in the kitchen and then getting very sick as a result.
Dust didn’t particularly feel anything for him. This guy hated him, sure, but it wasn’t forward and slashy like with Killer, it was just quiet loathing which was fine. That’s how Dust felt about himself so, y’know, mood. He did kind of feel sorry for him though, not just because of the whole famine and everything, but also because he was watching this guy eat like his life depended on it and then get sick and undo it day after day. He was the one who suggested Horror getting his food in moderation to Nightmare, which did help but was an absolute ordeal to enforce. Y’know how some people get hangry? Imagine that but you haven’t had a proper meal in years and now these people give you tiny amounts of food and don’t let you eat more for hours. The hunger mood swings were a sight to behold, you would never have guessed in those days that Horror specified not wanting to kill.
When his ability to eat had evened out and he was in better shape, Horror made a point of apologising to Dust for being aggressive with him. Over time he’d kind of softened up on him from his initial impression, since he could see plainly how wracked with guilt Dust was over his situation. It was a little easier to imagine that whatever he’d done was truly out of desperation and not just for fun, as Horror had assumed at first sight.
They also both retained that classic sans laziness, so it was easy for them to share a space while saying and doing nothing. It made Horror the first person that Dust willingly spent time around in the castle (and vice versa since Horror was still largely suspicious of Nightmare and Killer - the deal seemed too good to be true and the stage 3 episodes didn’t help). As time went on, Horror kind of became Dust’s emotional support skeleton in a way. Dust had become quite averse to touch in his solitude and Horror very slowly brought him back out with casual gentle touches, until not only did he no longer freeze or stiffen at being grabbed but Dust would seek him out to flop next to on the couch. Horror claimed it was just returning the favour for helping with his eating situation, but really it was nice to have something resembling a friend here.
Killer, for his part, was going through This is My Replacement 2: Electric Boogaloo. Not to the same degree as with Dust, since Horror was quite a bit different, but Killer was still wary of this new addition. He didn’t really instigate anything though since, to be honest, Horror had the intimidation factor. He was like a foot taller than both of them, he had a cracked skull and completely different magic and it seemed like every time Killer saw him he was eating bread like a wolf eats a deer. So while he was going through his food moderating, Killer mostly just stayed quiet and kept his distance.
Horror had not softened on him like he had with Dust, since Killer didn’t openly show remorse. He still watched him with distrust, especially after seeing the way he scrapped with Dust for seemingly no reason other than for violence’s sake. Killer was still mostly targeting Dust in his stage 3s, but Horror had to be careful to stay out of his way since he was still working with much lower hp than the other two. What did start to convince him was seeing how similar Killer and Dust were after a stage 3 episode. Once Killer was slightly more composed (ie stopped crying), he became so tired and quiet and blunt about things he normally joked his way around. It was a little startling, but also started to bring Horror around to the idea that Killer might regret his actions too, just buried under several layers of whatever the hell is also wrong with him at any given time.
Killer and Horror only really started interacting after talking about Dust. Killer was asking how he got Dust to like him since he seems to hate everyone and everything else, Horror told him very pointedly it was because he wasn’t trying to kill Dust. Killer admitted he wasn’t trying to kill Dust, at least not anymore, he just wanted to fight for fun. It opened up a better channel of understanding, knowing that Killer did not actually have murderous intent behind his swings (stage 3 notwithstanding). It made it easier for Horror to occasionally get involved in the roughhousing which Killer delighted in, knowing that the other two knew how to hold back enough to keep him from dusting.
Speaking of stage 3, it was around this time that Killer and Dust made a very important deal. After a particularly rough episode with a little too close of a call, Killer showed up in Dust’s room and begged him shakily to make a promise - that if he ever got too out of control during one of his stages, Dust would kill him. He’d been told over and over by Nightmare that it was impossible for Killer to hurt him since he was immortal, but now there were more people around him where that wasn’t the case, and he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he came out of a stage and found himself alone. Dust promised.
It’s also worth mentioning that, once they were all close enough to be on speaking terms, Horror started bullying the shit out of these two about eating. Now that Horror knew neither of them were going to kill him, he felt safe enough to pick them up by the scruff and set them at the table to say they weren’t leaving until they had at least a snack. He let them pick what they would eat - he wasn’t that cruel about it - but he had to see them eat at least 3 times a day or they would hear about it.
It was by no means perfect or regular, but after about half a year Nightmare finally had henchmen who ate food and worked together (mostly).
Now here’s the problem… I still haven’t really figured out how or why Cross joined the team. Like, obviously there’s some kind of point in the events of underverse where it splits off into an alternate timeline, but I haven’t really figured out where yet so. Leave that one with me just a little longer. Cross joins.
Nightmare really truly didn’t intend to take anyone else in. They were (mostly) getting along, they were pretty well matched to fight the stars, he had no need of more mortals.
…but he was also pretty soft at this point. Every one of them had taken a blow to his I’m immortal I’m an island I don’t get attached to others persona and he’d gotten pretty damn fond of them all. This was why when he felt the sheer weight of loneliness radiating off of Cross, he just couldn’t bring himself to leave him.
So Cross entered the castle.
He did not particularly intend to stay or make friends, he was trying to get his world back and nothing more. He even revealed a little down the line that he outright refused to kill, and was quite surprised to find that Nightmare was fine with that. At the start he was polite but not friendly with the others and mostly kept to himself.
Dust, as is often the case, did not really have an opinion. Another new guy, this one was self sufficient and didn’t bother him so he had no reason to get involved. He was content to be in the same room as Cross but didn’t start up any conversations.
Horror felt the need to speak to Cross, since Dust would happily stay silent for years and Killer was, well, Killer. Horror was somehow the closest thing to normal they had, so he was the one that made small talk. Mostly asking what Cross would like for meals and encouraging him to pick something he liked when he got the answer of “anything is fine”. As Cross settled in a bit more and actually opened up, they bonded over being the only two to enjoy food. Horror made a point of adding chocolate to the stock they kept in the kitchen and making tacos here and there for Cross.
Horror was also the first Cross kind of warmed to, mostly because he was the one devoid of lvl and Nightmare had mentioned he’d also said he wouldn’t kill. Learning a little about his au’s situation only softened Cross to him more, especially seeing that he still cared a lot for his brother and was trying to protect his home (even if Cross found it unthinkable that he lived away from it). It was through Horror that he also got accustomed to Dust, how being quiet and distant was kind of his default and that he also felt deeply haunted by the loss of his world. They weren’t exactly friends, but it was comfortable enough.
So now boss had taken in another new person, someone who takes orders like a soldier and fights with knives and ruthless precision and aims to be his righthand man, and Killer was ecstatic. By now he’d mostly put his fears of being disposable behind him, Nightmare had gotten a bit less subtle in showing how important they all were to him and Killer felt confident he wouldn’t be replaced. Which was a little bit funny, because the only guy he didn’t feel threatened by was the one who absolutely competed for his spot.
Cross needed to prove he was useful, he had to feel like he earned his keep and that all the training and suffering he’d done was for a reason. When Nightmare sent them on missions, Cross aimed to be the fastest and the most efficient and to report to Nightmare without question. Horror and Dust looking on would have expected Killer to see this 100% as a threat to his position as (self proclaimed) Nightmare’s second in command, and to go for this guy’s throat when nobody else was around.
But Killer was fascinated. Cross was completely different from any of them, bar Nightmare whose au is a whole different kettle of fish, so he had a certain element of unpredictability to him. Horror and Dust were both based on classic sans just like him, so to a certain degree he knew how they would feel about most things and what they might say, the only differences being in what they had experienced through their own timelines. Cross was based on a swap sans and his au had taken wild twists and turns away from usual events, so Killer had to learn everything about him by poking and prodding for answers or observing from a distance, much like back when it was just him and Nightmare. Cross was something new to be studied and Killer loved taking notes.
Cross did not see this as friendly. He was competing with Killer for approval, not realising Killer was playing their contest like a game. When he saw Cross training he would jump in to spar for fun, but Cross saw his rival trying to get a jump on him and take him out of the running. When Killer would hang around and pester Cross in their off time with questions, it didn’t seem like someone taking interest, it seemed like someone being nosy and looking for weaknesses to exploit. When Horror mentioned that Killer was being surprisingly contained and friendly, Cross really thought he was fucking with him.
The first time Cross was willing to even consider this was the case was when his locket came loose on the field and Killer ran back to find it, since one of the notes he’d taken was how the locket wasn’t something Cross would play about (the same as Horror with food). It didn’t make sense for someone who was seriously competing to have him kicked out to just hand his necklace back, no ransoms or attempts to crush it to upset him, just some vague remark about “owing him one” and then right back to Nightmare for orders.
Cross had to give him something of a chance after that, Horror helped a lot by telling him “he doesn’t want to hurt you, he just doesn’t know how to be normal”. It was mostly a playful jab at Killer, but reframing their interactions changed it significantly for Cross. Now they were sparring playfully and having friendly competition on jobs. He wasn’t as put off when Killer went into stage 3 because he knew he could match him in combat and the others were always on hand to help restrain or distract him. Cross also took note of how Killer calmed down a lot for physical touch, not unlike how Dust had warmed up to Horror. It went a long way into not only making him a little less combative for attention every day, but it seemed to put longer stretches between his episodes (which Cross had also started tracking so they wouldn’t be caught out by them as much).
For his part, Killer has disobeyed instructions in the past to benefit Cross, usually ignoring the task to help him if he’s hurt. He’s also given Nightmare nudges towards praising him because he’s noted that that’s what Cross needs in the same way he needs touch (not that Nightmare doesn’t praise them normally, but when Cross is going through it and needs something). He also doesn’t particularly like chocolate but has made a point of not admitting this to Horror so he can give his chocolate to Cross.
(It’s also worth noting that Cross is the only one, besides Nightmare, that has been to Horror’s au. He offered to help out during the food delivery and got to meet Horror’s Papyrus (who he is a little intimidated by but ultimately friendly with, even though it’s a little weird since he’s a good bit different from his own Papyrus). Dust and Killer can’t really visit for a few reasons, mostly because everyone will notice their lvl immediately and know what they’ve done. Dust especially doesn’t know how he would react to having a Papyrus in front of him again and doesn’t want to put Horror's family at risk to find out. Whenever he visits, his Papyrus asks about Cross now and sometimes tries to make tacos for him (key word tries, he’s still a Papyrus after all). He may have joked that seeing Cross sometimes is “like having another brother but younger and less lazy” and when Horror told him this Cross may or may not have cried.)
And that’s where we are now!
They’re a very strange group who’ve been through some inexplicable events and have all changed each other in one way or another. And whether or not it can be admitted, they are a family c:
Now onto how Nightmare was made emotionally open by each of them!! In this essay I will no just kidding could you imagine this is already like 7 pages long
If you got to the end of this post please drink some water and get yourself a snack
#Ask#Wickjump#UTDR#UTMV#Truce au#Tagging that since this is the events I'm working off for these guys#My fanon canon if you will#Also I am SO sorry oh my god#This is like an essay for a degree I could submit this for peer review akdghjdjfsjl#I didn't mean to say so much I swear this was me trying to keep it concise!!#I think I've genuinely spent like 6 hours writing this between last night and this morning#Which is wild because like whose attention span is this??#Anyway I have a lot of thoughts about these guys (clearly)#I have given them a lot of events that I haven't really drawn or written about yet#There's a couple of things in here that I've referenced before here and there#But I guess this is kind of a masterpost for it all#Man I have to go to work in like an hour this was wild akdguigfgy#WICK THANK YOU!!!! This was really fun to do and it's got me excited to work on my other stuff in the background :D#And when I get back from work I'm gonna think of an ask to get you rambling next >:3c#But for realsies thank you so much this was super sweet and really fun <3
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Oh gosh okay so I went back to marinating more on long haired Jihoon, but specifically long haired Jihoon getting pegged has me chewing on the bars of my enclosure to get out
Like just think of how pretty he'd look when he's on all fours and your fucking into him!! His chest blushed and heaving from how needy he is for you and the way your touch just feels so good and electric running along your skin! Your fingers then threading through his hair to pull his head up to see his thoroughly fucked out and flushed face in the mirror you placed in front of the bed. His eyes rolling back into his skull as cute little whimpers and cries slip from his lips when you brush your lips along his shoulder and licking up his neck before nibbling on his earlobe. Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh and even the louder moans he'd make if you gripped his cheeks in your hands and pounded him into the mattress, his back arching so nicely that you can't help but run a hand up his spine and wrap his long hair around your fist while he trembled underneath you whimpering about how he's gonna cum. Your eyes dropping down to watch his slick hole swallowing your strap on with ease from being played with for so long before getting bent over. Jihoon's whines getting louder from hand slipping between his thighs to jerk off his leaky cock until he's releasing spurts onto the sheets under him. Tears springing from his eyes as you fuck him at a harder and faster pace until he was left gasping for air, his thighs shaking from keeping his ass up when your strap slips out of his trembling hole and a relieved smile on his face as you cooed about how good he was for you, and how he looks so pretty all fucked out like this between kisses along his spine
#seventeen smut#woozi smut#jihoon smut#i'm sorry i'm back in my geto jihoon thoughts of him with some long hair. like long ass hair like him and this started cuz#i saw a post on ig from the alley saying that they'll have more jjk merch coming soon and i really wanna get the keychains#especially since my slutty little toji is included too like oh my god#but yeah i think i might be good enough to try writing again but bit by bit#mostly cuz the ways i've been coping with stress and anxiety hasn't been as effective but writing this has helped me calm down a bit#and get me focused on something else cuz i've had too many peer reviews that i think i should probably get assessed by a doctor soon#but yee ya girl sammy is making baby steps of a return rn since writing this didn't feel draining at all and it made me so happy!!!#this shit has me feeling like austin powers when he got his mojo back lmaooooo#m:jihoon
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My Star Trek silverware post is going around again, and I'd like to clarify some things:
"Those are normal spoons" the hell they are
"There's nothing wrong with these" I'm happy you live in a world where all the flatware is acceptable, but I super don't, which is why I made a post about it
"What flavor of autism did you get?" Ridiculously strong opinions about Star Trek silverware, thanks
#I also clarified on the original post tags that you can program your own silverware like I'm not an idiot#did I know about the autism when I made the post? nope#but damn do I score high on those tests#I imagine holding those spoons and I can just feel how wrong they are I don't know how else to explain it#I've actually flipped a 180° on the year of hell set. I want them but they are EXPENSIVE#me who used baby silverware until I was like 10#baby spoon for certain kinds of pudding and yogurt is still supreme you will not convince me otherwise#I don't care that I'm in my 30s#still coming to terms with the likely autism but I was peer reviewed and then my life made sense so there's that#at the time I was like why am I getting dragged for having reasonable opinions?#now I find it funny again so we're all good
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With the heavy caveat that I know people put their heart and soul into this show, having watched 6 seasons of this shit now, The Dragon Prince is just this to me
I root for this show as if it was my child’s little league team playing against the Dodgers. Like, they have the spirit, certainly. Can they actually hit a fastball going over 100mph? I think not.
#ok tag rant kiddos get ready#tdp in the beginning was cute- competent- passable kids media that was genuinely entertaining if silly to watch#like yall it was endearing at first but now— i don’t think they know WHY things worked in avatar#and don’t get me wrong#it has SO much potential#i WANT it to be good#it THREATENS WITH A GUN to be good#and then it trips on itself#which is so sad because all the pieces are there- then they make the most BAFFLING plot/character decisions#i pity the crew making it because 1) bts coming outta there kinda sounds like hell#and 2) making the netflix-style release schedule show is so deeply challenging and detrimental to its shows#idk i’ll rant more coherently later but damn#i hate to see so much passion squandered or lessened by just a top-down lack of ability to organize and execute#am i 24 and watching this? yeah. but not as a mere fan: im peer reviewing#this is such a late 2010’s-2020’s show like damn#there’s just too much going on#but god dammit if there aren’t so many talented people OBVIOUSLY pouring their all into it#some of whom I’ve followed for a while!#i just wish the show had the chance to live up to its potential#and didnt parrot avatar’s flirtation with darker themes in children’s media without understanding why it worked or what lines you cant cross#also rayla and callum are like… kinda gross imo. but that’s just me I guess#this is my new game of thrones if they wanna name an episode where no one dies ‘the red wedding’
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behind the scenes sneak peek into my brain, i have so many drafts now of my thoughts on hinata and loneliness and obsession and greed and adhd that all feel incoherent that i just have to fuckin, sit on it and write an essay one of these days, but in short
i dont think its explored how deeply lonely Hinata was before karasuno, how unseen and misunderstood he felt until he became rivals with kageyama
and OUGH its the way kageyama respects hinatas *greed* so much, cherishes it, even though at one point it scared him, its scared him but it pushed him to be more and he has his OWN greed that hinata relates to and wants to see flourish and they are both creatures of want and so they understand each other like no one else has understood them before and
how freeing is that? right??? this wasnt short i started rambling again augh but are u catching my drift are u seeing what i am seeing????????
#hinata shouyou#hq!!#look i have peer reviewed adhd#and i relate and maybe projecting onto Hinata rn#bc MAN my hyperfixations as a kid were OBSESSIVE#one time my brother said i wasnt even human bc all i talked about was [cherished media]#it hurt!! i felt isolated from a lotta ppl#bc i cared SO MUCH#about these things and i couldn't help talking about it#like it felt like bubbling over joy that i wanted to share but tpo u know? i didn't always get that#and that feels a Lot like how i read hinatas middle school volleyball#that make any sense??#conspiracy lvl: text
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omfg i feel you i literally ended my last relationship during lockdown and have been bitchless ever since and yea it’s by choice bc have you seen what modern dating is like?? but also i’m so attention starved like a pretty coworker said hi to me once and i haven’t been able to stop thinking about him since 😩 it’s a struggle fr
you are so real for that though 😭 i would literally rather be single forever than download tinder, but like. wtf else is there !! the state of modern dating is genuinely so devastating, where are we even supposed to meet people organically anymore 😩
#PLEASE i literally tracked my workplace crush down on linkedin just so i could show my bestie and get peer review#he's my assigned IT guy and every day im more and more tempted to start acting like i dont know fuck all abt computers#just so i can strut over to his office and lean against the doorframe and ask him to come over to my desk#we are Desperate out here 😭#ask#anon
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fic talk in the tags 💝
#aaaaaaaa i have only 4 stores left to write for the advent calendar and then i'm done?! 😭#i can't believe it guys i might actually be able to pull this off 👀#i've literally just winged it day after day with minimal planning#and i haven't even had a breakdown once? gonna knock on wood here real quick lol#i've had so much fun writing all these little stories too 🥺 and i'm fairly satisfied with them as well! yes!! me!! my biggest critic!!#i'm not gonna be writing anything for a while after i get these last ones done though lol i've written SO MUCH during these past weeks#however i did write down a short piece of dialogue in finnish the other day 👀#like. literally 11 words and idk if i'm ever gonna write more but those words just...came to me so i had to write them down somewhere#(it has been peer-reviewed as 'perfect' (thanks eetu <3) and you can totally slide in my DMs if you're curious)#and the college/uni au i've been playing with practically all autumn is something i definitely want to give a try#(so far i only have some random notes and moodboards 😅)#but whatever i'll end up writing i'll do it because i want to and that's what's important 🤍#thank you so much everyone who has been reading these stories or any of my fics this year#i really am not expecting anyone to read my stories and i'm happy if even just one person does 🥺#okay sappy talk over now back to writing byeeeeee#*stories
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Zero Day Director commentary - With actor Andre Keuck
#movies#film#cinema#Damn I wish Cal was here#Andre and Ben are really interesting to listen to#This movie is one of those movies where it needs like 3 commentaries#It needs one with just Ben Coccio by himself#then one with Cal and Andre by themselves#then another with all 3 of them#Not all movies do that but I love when studios/filmmakers have multiple commentaries to create a sense of thorough intimacy#due to the nature of how commentaries are set up they can be quite restrictive/pressing/limited with no pauses or rewinds.#so I find cast/crew don't have enough time or able to present how they would like to if they could edit/rewind or pause for fluent presenta#So I love when they have director commentaries and actor commentaries or composer commentaries#Platoon's dvd extras are so dope they got multiple commentaries and one with military adviser Dale Dye who was a RL vietnam vet#Or Hostel's commentaries where one is just Eli Roth and another is Tarantino and Eli Roth with Scott Spiegal#idk if Zero Day ever got a blu-ray release but I think it should but the DV technology of the camera is kinda at it's limit of resolution#but an AI upscaling with 20 years later retrospective with Ben Cal and Andre would be sooo dope along with updated commentaries#Every few years I always rewatch Zero Day so that time has come that last few days lol#Ever since Columbine as a lil kid I have always been into spree-murders and active shooter incidents#I remember reading a peer-reviewed paper called Pseudo-Commandos#And Eric and Dylan and Andre and Cal would be dubbed Pseudo-Commandos where they dress up in a semi-military fashion#and have a delusion of superiority mixed with perceived sense of persecution whether it's true or not#it went into the Postal shooter from the 80s as well and what he went through along#plus I read another book called Going Postal which also went into postal shootings along with school shootings#I want to make a film about spree murders or an active shooter/s but I remember just getting so tired of the subject matter#because every 3 weeks there was some new shooter in the headlines and I found myself not wanting to be exploitative#When I write/direct my film I'd like it to address and study the character of such an individual but not try to be too political#or exploitative and focus on the ambiguities that are left behind when someone does this#as a society I noticed we stopped asking the questions on why and stopped having constructive conversations#it feels like as a coping mechanism we've started treating them like tornados or natural disasters
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lies on the floor and has just So Many Feelings about all the ways in which pericles and cassidy are foils, one of them being the comparison between how they use constant, vocal, unabashed affirmation of the qualities they value about themselves to cope with rock bottom self-esteem.
there's so much to be said here about how pericles' 'positive' self-talk is ultimately destructive to himself and everyone around him, whereas cassidy's has both been healing for her and held her back from processing her self-loathing in other ways, and so much of that has to do with her experiencing firsthand the results of pericles' shit handling of his poor self-esteem and desperately not wanting to be anything like him. fuck me up man
#sdmi#scooby doo: mystery incorporated#cassidy williams#professor pericles#SDMItag#there's SO much here god#the older i get the more i understand cassidy and *ow*#which like god the 'desperately does not want to be another pericles' is a whole can of worms of its own#cassidy: it's important to internalize that you're allowed to like and be proud of things about yourself without having to Pass Peer Review#not just as a matter of principle but because your brain needs to hear it reinforced to do so; especially when there's already damage#in the same way that someone tearing you down over and over and over will beat the idea into your head over time#no matter how Flat Out Wrong you believe they are on a logical level; and no matter how viscerally you believed that at the start#be the opposite of that for yourself#pericles: my entire personhood hinges on one (1) Good Quality(tm)#without it i am utterly worthless and deserve everything that has ever happened to me. everyone i refused to believe about myself was right#the only valid measure of whether i am a person and have worth is whether the One Good Quality demonstrably *works* in practice#and other people are forced to believe it is real and matters because it directly affects them; usually to their detriment#and the only reason people try to stop me from succeeding or give me consequences for my actions is because they don't see me as a person#'locking me up like a common beast' isn't wrong because he's inherently a person; it's wrong because *he's Smart and that makes him one*#and it does not cross his mind at all that 'seems to have murdered a bunch of children' *might in fact be a reason they'd lock up a person*#so fuck em he'll hurt anyone and everyone in order to prove his One Good Quality; and make *absolutely sure* they know it's being proved#there has to be someone else to witness and validate that proof; because to him his own judgment does not count#cassidy after having her life destroyed by the results: Hm! no thanks#dyn: so nice to meet you; angel
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I'm going to risk my grade just so I can keep my on going joke of having all my english essay titles end with " : A Rope of Sand"
#localgardenweed#the weed is rambling#if i fail this essay I have to do semester 2 all over again so ya know#clone high#clone high reference#I love the rope of sand joke you dont even know#i quote scudworth all the time i love him so dearly#every time someone mentions being rich I HAVE TO SAY “We're rich Mr. B!! Bling Bliiinnggg” in the voices#guys I didn't know how to socialize as a child okay#I keep getting peer reviewed by my autistic friends and im starting to think they're right#anyway know this if for my Gatsby essay so like we got it all in the bag
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ack sorry I was rude about the bathroom problem script I misunderstood what you meant </3 thank you for being a great resource for the sunny stans
No worries lmfao I was being crypto maybe unnecessarily but more for fun… trying to lure people to my blog… lol
But I promise my main goal here is to make sure fans have access to as much Sunny content and resources as possible!
That’s my whole motivation for this blog, after years of searching the depths of the internet for old stuff and running into dozens of dead links (why!! @alwayssunnyfxx !? why did you privatise/delete so many videos!?) and watching almost every social media site fall apart to bad AI search and bots, I want a place where that’s not going to happen (as long as Blogger stays in existence, I guess)
It’s definitely a work in progress, and there’s still a lot to come, to be added and collected, scripts included, but hopefully we will soon have a great resource and fun and interesting site for the community, and a place for great future content and, of course, Season 17+ updates :)
#iasip#ask#ppb#woring on a formative post#not rn lol i’m tipsy#but yo publish monday probs?#i need 5 peer reviews on this thing#anyway i am trying to pander this blog to everyone#so you can read the posts and get it#no matter if you’ve seen the show once through while under the influence or 100 times#you can see these things and go yeah! or go ohhh#that’s the goal :)#on top of all the FUN STUFF!#anyway if anyone wants to join… again. i have a discord and what not#:$#also like#s16 tracking everything on my own was fun#but i hated literally HATED how isolated my stuff was lol#like it was just a personal spreadsheet i could figure out how to format here#this blog is more freedom :)
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After two weeks of having almost nothing to do at work except read scientific papers, I think I've finally gotten over being scared of them. Actually, I think I'm starting to have fun.
And then I was doing writing research on a totally different topic and I went wait a second. I can read scientific papers on this. I'm not intimidated by them anymore - well, not much. Maybe a tiny bit, for the ones outside my field, because last week I tried to read a botany paper and oh dear god the jargon.
But I read a medical journal about chronic widespread pain, which I probably have, and it felt very empowering. I understood most of the important bits, googled the vocab when I needed to, and I learned some things that might be important. I read a paper where actual doctors were saying 'people can have mental illnesses and also pain disorders. this does not mean their pain isn't real.'
And it feels very revolutionary that I can just... do that. I can have access to the same information as experts in these fields, and I may not understand it as well or have all the context but it's something. Something I didn't have before.
#i never thought i'd say this but i'm enjoying a literature review god help me#and it does feel really important that i can read about my chronic health issues in the same journals as doctors might read#like the information is out there and i can find it and i may not understand all of it but i can get some things#it feels like evening out the imbalance of power that is doctor patient relationships. i know where the peer reviewed literature is and#that means i can fact check#i don't have to just assume/hope my doctors are competent. i can check what their colleagues are saying.#and i know it's kind of risky having information and not all the context to understand it but i feel so powerless and i need something#i read this paper that was basically saying 'just because someone has chronic pain and a mental illness does not mean#that the mental illness is the cause of the pain.' and god. that's such a big deal.#that's huge#and now if a doctor tries to pull that shit on me i'll know they're wrong because the peer reviewed research says so#i knew it anyway but now i can back it up#hylian rambles
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🗣️ How are things with the man going Tator
Well! We watched 3 movies today lol we're also planning on going to a spooky haunted trail this month and we have a plan to do a bonfire at my house.
#tator talks#hes been super kind and respectful and very open with me communication wise#i have never felt more like the peer reviewed autism was more correct than now though#because im no longer capable of masking at all so its making me not even know how to approach romantic dating#it doesnt help thay my ex was an abusive asshole so ive been like relearning what normal is#i hope to get more physically close but for now im super awkward
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#going into the main ship tag is always so scary for me#idk if it just means i'm a fandom old™ or if this is normal at this point#bc 1) seeing takes that haven't been peer reviewed by my beloved mutuals? whose opinions are the only ones i trust??#and 2) i really do live in fear of seeing if certain ppl from Back Then are still posting this ship and what they have to say asdkljfh#bc that was some of the worst chronically online behavior i've ever witnessed and nearly ruined the whole thing for me#and i don't want to get triggered by any of that or if i see a Bad Take it will bring me right back there#but i ventured into this tag today bc i feel like the girls need some enrichment on the dash#and u know what. i was so pleasantly surprised <3#so maybe we will be brave and venture there more often#not all the time but sometimes#anyway#tbd#sorry i don't mean to vagueblog asdjlkhf iykyk i guess
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started a new fic last night
im actually very excited for it :)
#idk how much i'll be talking about it while its in progress but first chapter is maybe like halfway done?#but yeah. happy with how its coming together and hopefully it'll be worth of something#the opening got positively peer reviewed so far at least so. progress#still kinda wishy-washy on my moods about writing but. im trying. my only writing promise for next year is trying to just make myself happy#yeah. thats all :)#(i also hope this shows up it seems that tumblr is very selective on what posts of mine show on the dash so. bleh)#(not that it matters much but it just makes me wonder if its me my content or nonfunctional webbed site causing it)#anyways. gonna make tea and see if i can get something done tonight#night is an absolute mess on main
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