#I know people who's family members have died from covid

[crabussy]

TO PREFACE. this post is ONLY about the people who openly boast about this and act like they're better than people who do wear masks. the rest of you, drink some water and I love you okay?

I'm so so tired of seeing people SO PROUD of the fact that they refuse to wear a mask. it is such a small, small inconvenience to you but its so important to you that you prolong the pandemic and cause more suffering and death. when you parade your ignorance around I want you to remember this number:

6,910,810

thats the number of deaths from covid-19. that's the total number of people who have died because of the virus as of August 29 2023. it's repulsive how you don't even stop to think about the elderly, those with autoimmune diseases, the already sick or disabled who have such a high chance of dying if they are exposed to even one person with the virus. My dad is now disabled from long covid. he hasn't been able to ride his bike, his favourite activity in the world, for over half a year. and he's one of the least affected by the virus. My friend (no longer around) with an autoimmune disease could not travel for three years because aeroplanes were such a high risk zone for her because people weren't wearing masks in such close proximity.

please I am begging you. inconvenience yourself. people are dying.

I know the death toll is dwindling and thats fantastic but it's not over yet.

[covid-safer-hotties]

Also preserved on our archive

by Miles W. Griffis

Atinuki “Tinu” Abayomi-Paul, a prominent writer and disability advocate, died on September 26 at home in Texas. She was 52.

Abayomi-Paul was well known in the Long COVID and disability community for her writing, speaking, and mutual aid organizing. She was the founder of Everywhere Accessible, an advocacy organization which she launched in 2019 to educate the public about accessibility and center the experiences of Black disabled women.

In 2022, she was hospitalized with COVID-19, leading to COVID-induced pneumonia. She later developed chronic lymphocytic leukemia, as well as Long COVID, myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME), and other chronic illnesses.

She recently spoke with The Sick Times about her experience with extreme heat and postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS).

“My fear for the future is that those of us who cannot tolerate the heat will die,” she said. “Another fear I have is that no one will listen.”

Abayomi-Paul frequently wrote about and helped break stigmas about immunocompromised people. She centered the experiences of the most marginalized, who were left behind in the government’s failed response to the continuing COVID-19 pandemic.

“I hope my story humanizes the experience of having COVID for people,” she wrote in an essay following her hospitalization. “Those of us at high risk aren’t abstract people you’ve never met. We’re people you know and love, and we might die because you won’t wear a mask.”

Over the past week, friends, family, and members of the disability community have written tributes to Abayomi-Paul for her leadership, care, and community building.

“She had such giggly personality, but was often so tired from just trying to stay afloat,” disability advocate Imani Barbarin wrote on Twitter/X. “Still, she loved this community and consistently felt like she wasn’t doing enough. Tinu, you were enough.”

“She gave so much of herself and cared about the disability community deeply,” Alice Wong wrote. In another tribute, Sarah Reneé stated that she “advocated with spoons she didn’t have not just for herself, but the entire community.”

“Many of us owe our lives and the evolution of our politics to disabled Black women like [Tinu] and [Shafiqah Hudson],” writer Clarkisha Kent posted.

Like Abayomi-Paul, Hudson died while battling Long COVID and cancer. Hudson passed in February 2024 at an extended-stay hotel in Portland, Oregon; she stated before her death that if she died, Long COVID was the cause.

Abayomi-Paul’s cause of death has not been stated. She wrote on August 3, 2024: “People not masking is literally killing me… If I do die, this is what killed me, people not masking or believing Long COVID lowers your immunity…”

While research has extensively documented the disabling symptoms and scope of Long COVID, science and health institutions have paid less attention to the disease’s potentially deadly consequences.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported in early 2024 that over 5,000 Americans have died with Long COVID since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, but experts say this number is likely a significant undercount. Along with improved reporting standards, people with Long COVID need immediate support to prevent further fatalities, experts and advocates say.

Abayomi-Paul’s family and friends are currently fundraising for her funeral, medical expenses, and other costs. They are also planning a service — the date has not yet been released.

[ramithetradfem]

My prolife stance

1. If the mothers live is in danger and the baby is not viable out of the womb

If the baby is not viable then if the mom dies then the baby will die too. However, if the baby is viable then the baby should be removed and the mother should be treated.

2. If the child would not survive birth due to extreme defects

There are many defects that cause immense pain or extreme struggle for a child. Such as if they can't breathe properly, can't eat, don't have normal brain function. In these cases it's understandable that a parent would not want their child to suffer.

3. Babies conceived from assault are physical evidence of the act.

Getting rid of them only makes the case harder to prove especially with minors. I believe the woman should put them up for adoption if they do not wish to keep them and if they abort then refer to point 8

4. I'm completely against gamete donation and surrogacy and IVF.

Too many cases have come up where people are getting with their own siblings because of gamete donation. Everyone should have the right to know where they came from and many of these places don't want to give up the information of the people that donated the gametes. If someone wants to know who their biological mother is, then they should be allowed to. And with IVF many babies are needlessly aborted because they want to create as many eggs as possible. There's no point in having all of your other babies die just to produce one. It would be better to adopt. As for surrogacy It's completely and utterly not for the child. They don't care about mother and child bonds or about infant trauma. You wouldn't separate a puppy from their mother at birth yet you would separate a human being from their mother at birth and no one sees the problem with this. That baby doesn't know the surrogate isn't their "mother" yet she is the one that they look for when they are born. She is the one that they want and to remove her from that is so cruel to that child.

5. People should be allowed to get sterilized if they want

If someone wants to get sterilized then they should be allowed to. Just as with any other surgery they need to sign whatever paperwork that they need to do to show that this is the decision that they make and they need to stand on that decision. Once a person is a legal adult in their country then they should be allowed to sterilize themselves if they want to. If they regret it then that's on them.

6. Infant adoption should only occur if there are no biological family members that can take them in.

Infants adoption is already traumatic especially when many of these parents take the babies away as soon as they're born in the hospital, these children need their family members and if it's possible to have them go with family it's better for them to do that. Let's not add the fact that many of these families who are looking for babies are extremely manipulative, especially during covid, when many of them were angry that mothers were actually able to provide for their children and thus kept their babies.

7. Birth control and protection should be accessible

Banning birth control would not help mothers keep their babies. We should focus less on trying to stop people from not having children and more on promoting and helping families, especially mothers from preconception to postpartum. If someone does not wish to have children then that's fine, they should be taking the proper steps to not create a baby.

8. Deceased babies should be treated with respect regardless of if their mothers wanted them or not

If in the end a child has to be aborted then that should be treated with respect. They are not medical waste. They are not science experiments. They are babies. They are human beings and should be respected as such. They deserve to be cremated and at least have a small service for them. If you can't do that, then at least give a moment of silence. Small cremation urns like in the photo, or maybe a memorial plaque with each baby's name that can be added. They were not just a clump of cells, they were another human being and if you're going to end their life, at least respect them.

“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5

[bardic-tales]

EDIT: Thank you all for all of your support.

I think I'm just going to go for today. I don't know if there will be a post tomorrow for Creators' Club. I most likely will return tomorrow to answer any asks or mentions. I feel like avoiding all of this drama as I have Avoidant Personality Disorder. And it's interfering with my creativity.

tw: death

I just feel like this entire thing is my fault. I have had 4 deaths in my family in the last 2 years: my grandpa (cancer), my husband's cousin (car accident) and she was 17, my husband's aunt (covid), and my emotionally support cat (cancer) who I always said we saved each other: he almost died when we adopted him and then he would purr and let me lay my head on him when I had migraines. I have chronic migraines: about 15 a month, so I need to be very careful of what stimuli that I have. And I know that to some that this would seem unusual too.

I had my friends on here that helped me at that time @arrthurpendragon, @sliceoflifeshepard, @serenofroses, and @prehistoric-creatures.

And as for starry, she was the first person that I met in the OC community. She was the first one who ever commented on a fanfiction that I posted on Tumblr and AO3. This is especially important when I have been told ALL my life that my writing sucks and to find a real job by my own mother. I found out about her death through three weeks after my Grandfather passed in Jan, 2024. I have GRIEVED her death, as I grieved my grandfather. And I made this club to share positivity on Tumblr, as I wanted to give back to the people who have helped me in my grief and to spread positivity and the kindness that certain members of the OC and the Writeblr community have showed me about my writing.

I will say this once and only once. Then, I am moving on from the drama. I know that you, anon, might not see this, as I have you blocked, but I know you can stalk my blog if you log out. I do not CARE what anyone thinks on whether she faked her death or not. It is not up to us to decide that, as we do not know why someone would do that or the mental state that they are in to even consider doing that. And it does not change the fact that I literally GRIEVED my friend. It does not change the fact that I CRIED over this friend.

It may be a 'don't be silly' as Starry's post makes no sense to YOU, but to me, this is a person that I have lost and have grieve for.

I love each one of you. And I sincerely apologize for everything that has happened. All I wanted was to bring positivity to Tumblr and to give back and bring exposure to creators who often don't get comments over their work. That's it. No nefarious agenda.

[jellybeanium124]

so at my middle school, at the end of the year, they'd announce the names of everyone who never missed a day of school and would give them a little award.

I always thought this was annoying and unfair and stupid, and I came at it from a religious minority perspective. as a jewish person who didn't go to school on rosh hashanah and yom kippur (rosh hashanah's 2 days, yom kippur is 1, and they're 10 days apart), I would always miss at least 1 day of school, and usually 2 or 3. so even if I never got sick, never missed any other days, I never got my named called out for perfect attendance. and anyone else who's jewish, or in another minority religion that causes them to miss school because our holidays are still school days, never got it either.

there's also an equally valid and important ableist discussion to be had here. if you have a chronic illness, you're going to miss school.

hell, this "reward" even punishes people who aren't chronically ill. my brother, who's got asthma, got pneumonia his sophomore year (10th grade, age 15/16), and because of the way our system prioritizes attendance, he had to go back to school before his body was ready, and he spent the next year recovering. he was sick for a year, an otherwise healthy teenager in the prime of his youth, and goodness knows if that had any long term health effects. because he had to go to school and talk about the scarlet letter and learn geometry.

hell, it's just an anti-life policy in general. what if a family member dies and you take off time to mourn? on the opposite end of things, what if a family member gets married, and they're far away, so you take time off from school for travel days? what if you have an older sibling in college who graduates before your school year is done, and you take time off to go see their graduation? what if your sibling gets covid and you stay home in case you're infected? and that's just 4 things that could happen. I could go on, but everyone here already knows that we as a society prioritize the wrong things, and also only built society for a very narrow definition of "normal."

[swearyshera]

So we are at the end of the road on something that has always been about the journey, not the destination.  I’ve taken my time to gather some thoughts.  This blog has meant a lot to many people, not the least of which is me.  I’ve had a hard time these last few years – I think it’s been hard times for everyone, in one way or another.  Personally, I seem to remember discovering this blog not too long before I had a breakdown and handled it very poorly, making bad decisions that cost me a lot of friends, or at least people whom I thought were my friends up until a breaking point.  (Your blog was unrelated to this).  When I came out of hospitalization I had a few things to rely upon – a video therapy group was one, certain family members and, well, as silly as it sounds, hitting up tumblr for my daily dose of Sweary She-Ra to make me laugh. And then in mid-January, 2023, one of the people who was closest to me in my entire life died suddenly of technically unknown cause but considering his health issues, probably a heart-issue. It was sudden and devastating.  We shared She-Ra and the Princesses of Power together because he was kind of curious about it and I was a nostalgia-fan of the ‘80s series.  We both became massive fans of Entrapta.  In fact, my nephew / best friend got me into the fandom in the first place because he had a silly idea for a fanfic about Entrapta wrecking havoc in the Fright Zone just post first-season and had little confidence in his fanfic writing, but decided to pass along said idea to me, an inveterate fic-writer for many fandoms.  I was put through the wringer this year – it’s the first time I’ve been in partial charge of a memorial service.  I am feeling better now than I did at the beginning of this year because I’ve found the strength to keep doing things that he and I liked to do together and time helps.  And again, in all of this, I had a silly little comic where a sparkly purple princess calls people “twattingler,” others make liberal use of the word that originally meant Fornication Under Consent of the King, one character swears all the time but apologizes for it, one character is contractually obligated to use Ned Flanders style cursing and there’s a fourth wall breaker and an incompetent boss with indecipherable accent and Marxist unicorns and all the rest.  No matter what was happening with my emotions I could just… take a little break and look at the funny fancomic.  Sweary She-Ra for me has been like a warm mug of tea on a cold day or a bowl of baked macaroni and cheese with a butter-cracker crust made out of the old 1960-70 something Betty Crocker cookbook.  It’s been Internet comfort food that has been sorely needed at times.  So thank you.  I just want to thank you for this funny little fan project.  I don’t think you have any idea how much it has meant to your audience.  @freedfromthegalactichivemind

And I don't know if the audience has any idea how much it has meant to me!

When I started this, things were pretty shit, weren't they? Here in the UK we'd just come out of the second Covid Lockdown, with the third expected to happen imminently; the weather was miserable, we'd barely seen our friends in months, the world in general just sucked. And I'd love to say that I felt a calling to break through that with some humour, but no... it was nothing like that. This is what happened...

And so it all went from there.

I almost just went for random scenes as I thought of them, rather than starting from the beginning. But I thought "Eh, fuck it, let's see how far I get", and the rest is history.

Even as the storylines got more complex (bear in mind, I started purely with the intention to do the original script with a few swear words peppered in), I always wanted to keep things upbeat. The painful moments are those 'this is the good stuff, hurt me more' moments rather than actually horrifying things - I know there's been a couple of exceptions, but in general it's held true.

But I've always been driven by one thing - the world isn't very funny right now; it's stressful, sometimes downright terrifying. And if I can alleviate that for ten, twenty seconds per day and make that tiny bit of difference to someone, then I consider that a job done. I'm not out here claiming to have the cure for depression, or some kind of plan to save the world, but I (hopefully) can make a few people smile in the midst of all the shit that's happening, even if it's just for a moment.

So much has changed in the last three years, but this blog has been such a central part of my world, it'll be weird when it's over (maybe that's why I don't want to stop there!). But if this coming Friday really is the last chapter in this part of my life, I'll still be happy that it happened. And if you've ever smiled or laughed at the blog, I'm happy that happened as well.

[rjkingofdirewolwes]

This morning I woke up hoping to hear that the United States was welcoming its first female president. Then, I could have gone on with my day with peace of mind.

Obviously, the human race isn’t satisfied unless it disappoints me at least once a week.

I want to make it clear that I don’t blame Trump or his voters, with some exceptions for the latter, which I’ll list below. The first is a puppet on the brink of senility. The others were doing what they thought was right.

I blame Obama, Biden, and the FBI or whoever for not dealing with him when it was clear he was a danger to himself and everyone around him. Especially in the four years that separated the previous election from this just-concluded one.

I blame his family for not running away with as much money as they could grab after dumping him in a random nursing home.

I blame his LGBTQ and ethnic minority voters. You all knew; he made it very clear he sees you as dirt under his feet at best, and as subhuman at worst.

I blame myself and those who wrote in favor of Kamala on Tumblr or other sites, making me believe that this time sanity would prevail.

I blame everyone who demonized the Democratic Party as much as possible * laughs* But after all, we did the same; we probably overreached, and they paid us back in kind.

I blame everyone who didn’t show up to vote. I understand that some of you had your reasons, but I hope you’re not complaining now, and that, seeing the blood on your hands, you learn the lesson as we wait for 2028.

I blame everyone who is trying to exploit the cult around Trump for their own selfish ends, with Putin at the top of the list (and I also blame anyone who had him within range of a gun or knife during his KGB days and didn’t free us from his presence).

And I blame COVID for not having claimed more victims. If we had seen mountains of corpses like during the Black Plague, or effects like those of Polio, maybe some people would still remember the lesson from 2020.

I can say with complete certainty that right now Rosa Parks, Roosevelt, Nelson Mandela, Gandhi, Peppino Impastato( for those Who don't know him, search the movie ' I cento passi'), Antonio Gramsci, and so many others (including the grandparents and other relatives of many who will be reading this and who, barely a century ago, fled to America to escape Mussolini and Hitler) must be turning in their graves in utter disgust. If I were you, I’d prepare for an invasion of thoroughly outraged zombies.

That said, I ask to my relatives overseas and to those I’ve met online who have earned my respect (particularly members of the LGBTQ community) to keep holding on and fighting with everything you’ve got. DO NOT let that legislative monstrosity known as Project 2025 pass, because it would become an excuse for every bully in a suit to call all the shots.

In just the last twenty years, you’ve gone from having to hide to being an integral part of society in almost every corner of the world. No one, especially Trump and his acolytes/masters, have the right to throw away your progress.

I also hope that my grandfather (93 years old and still in relatively good health) holds on until the next election. If he dies while Trump is in office, I will curse the universe for as long as I live.

But to be honest, I’m already doing that. If reincarnation exists, I hope that in my next life, I am neither on this planet nor a human being.

I’m done with this insignificant speck of dust and with that Evolutionary failure that we are.

[mx-piggy]

Another list of Palestinian users who have reached out to me via ask about their fundraisers. Will include some basic details. Campaigns that are drastically low on funds (i.e. below £1,000 or the equivalent) or have not received a donation in the past 24 hours have been highlighted in pink, but it is important to donate to continue to donate to campaigns when they still haven't met their goal. If you would like me to dedicate a post to just your campaign, let me know via direct message. Let me know of any mistakes in this post and I will be sure to correct them, or if any campaigns get vetted in the meantime, I will be sure to edit as needed. Please share this post and these users' campaigns. I have tagged them so that you can go to their accounts and reblog their posts. I still have many asks to get through, so I will be making more posts like this. please check out my previous post for other fundraisers in need of support.

@wejdan-32 | Wijdan and her three children, Hamza, Zakaria and Israa - unvetted

Wijdan is 43, Hamza is 16, Zakaria is 18 and Israa is 24. Wijdan's husband passed away eight years ago. The family has been displaced at least 12 times now. There have been no donations in four days!! €2,423/€20,000

[username unknown (account that sent the ask has since been deleted); let me know if you have it and I'll add it!] | The Abujarad Family - presumably vetted (again please confirm if you know)

The family consists of five people, including two children. Baligh, the father, who lost his life's work when our home was destroyed. He courageously ventures out daily to gather what little food and water he can find. Miral, the mother, who suffers from a debilitating sinus disease but still manages to care for her family. Malak and Mohammed, the family's children, who dream of becoming a nurse and a doctor. Their studies have been disrupted because of the war. Sanad and Haya, the other children in the family, also dream of becoming doctors. Dalal, the grandmother, who is beloved by her family. This fundraiser hasn't received any donations in a day!! kr367,312 SEK/kr600,000

@maherdahalan | Maher Dahalan, his wife Rawida Sawali, their infant son Mahmoud and Maher's elderly parents - vetted

Maher is 40 (forty). Rawida is recovering from a difficult caesarean section. This will be Mahmoud's first winter, and he has no winter clothes. The prices for baby products have gone up astronomically, which is a challenge for the family because the war has destroyed their source of income. €2,291/€30,000

@princessworlds-posts | Amira and her family - vetted

Amira is 23. Before the war robbed her of everything she worked so hard for, Amira was a university teaching assistant, pursuing a Masters degree and working as a programmer for a company. Her father died from Covid four years ago, which made Amira responsible for her family. Her mother suffers from high blood pressure and diabetes. €31,315/€39,000

@amirashawikh | Khaled Smeer and his family - vetted

Khaled managed a large mall in Gaza before the war and is an English translator. The family needs funds for evacuation, clothes and food. $1,668 AUD/$60,000

@nouraissue4 | Noura Ayman and her family - vetted

Noura is a medical lab specialist, and her husband Ibrahim shares her profession and studies. Noura underwent four heartbreaking attempts at IVF before being blessed with her beloved daughter Hanan. Ibrahim's father has kidney cancer and has thankfully escaped Gaza to be with Noura, Ibrahim and Hanan, who are stranded in Egypt with no source of income. Donations will help Noura to establish her own medical analysis laboratory so that she can complete her masters degree, cover her and her family's basic living expenses, and evacuate the members of her family still trapped in Gaza (I will list them below). Noura's father (85), who suffers from asthma. Noura's sister Doaa (18). Noura's brother Samed (15). Noura's mother is with Noura in Egypt (as they went to Egypt for urgent medical treatment for Noura's mother). The kids miss their mother. €2,034/€50,000

@aiamaher |  Aya Almajdoub and her family - unsure if vetted (finding mixed claims, but nothing that calls into question the fundraiser's legitimacy. Let me know where it is vetted and I will edit!)

This is a family of eight: Aya (27), her father Maher (60), her mother Maha (50), her husband (32), her son Bassam (3), her brother Mohammed (28), her sisters Amna (29) and Enas (22). Aya lost her home and her business as a result of the war. Without any income, the family is struggling to support itself. €3,667/€55,000

@hane12345 | Hani Hamid and his family - vetted

Hani has three children: Abdulla (12), Salm (10), and Saleh (7). His wife Nour is 33. Hani was shot in the knee, which has left him unable to walk and in desperate need of medical treatment. €1,228/€70,000

@hillesmahmoud | Mahmoud Helles and his family - vetted

Mahmoud has lived in Belgium for 7 years and hasn't seen his four children since 2015. The children aren't any older than 12. Mahmoud's wife has medical problems with regards to her kidneys, so her condition is deteriorating without access to the necessary treatment. The family has been displaced in the Gaza strip for more than five years. €25,738/€37,000

@asmaa-needs | The Awad family - vetted

The Awad family is as follows: Asmaa (37), her husband Majdi (37), Majdi's father Maher (62), Majdi's mother Honar (55), Menna (9), Malak (6), Mariam (2), Fayza (1). Asmaa suffers from various diseases, including diabetes, and high blood pressure. Her daughter Malak suffers from Epidemic hepatitis. Asmaa is in desperate need of insulin and heparin. Maher suffers from chronic hypertension and diabetes. He has previously undergone heart surgery and has had a foot problem since childhood. In his current condition, he cannot walk. €6,559/€20,000

@mohameddsaker | Mohammed Saqr Ayyad's family of 12 - vetted

The family of 12 was displaced from their home in North Gaza. Mohammed was enrolled Al-Quds Open University before the war but his laptop, library and university books were destroyed. They have lost family and friends as a result of the war. There have been no donations in three days, and the campaign is very low on funds!! €537/€30,000

@hadeelchilds | Hadeel Mikki and her family - vetted

Hadeel's family is as follows: her husband Waseem, her daughters Mira and Nadia, her mother Tahani and her two brothers. Hadeel, her mother and her two brothers are the only survivor of their side of the family. Hadeel's father-in-law tragically passed away because of the scarcity of medicine, much to the sadness of Waseem and the kids. Hadeel is an engineer. €17,895/€35,000

@collageadjacent (they're not the one benefitting from the funds but someone helping to spread the campaign) | Sama Hassouneh, her son Arkan and her daughter Noor - vetted

The children's father died as a result of the genocide. Israel's siege means that Sama can no longer support herself because she no longer has an income. $12,294 USD/$50,000

@osama-family | Osama Al-Anqar, his wife Rana Raed Al-Anqar and their little girl - vetted

Osama's brother Mahmoud, leaving behind his wife and children, was martyred in the bombing of the Baptist Hospital. Osama's brother Ahmed lost one of his legs in the same bombing. Osama's daughter suffers from extreme fear and panic and skin diseases due to the lack of water and cleanliness. £5,288/£50,000

@m-albalawi | Mahmoud AlBalawi and his family - vetted

Mahmoud has five siblings and five nieces and nephews. Mahmoud used to work as a graphic designer. Both Mahmoud's father and mother are suffering from chronic diseases (cartilage in the vertebrae, high blood pressure, diabetes, and his father has heart stents). €44,068/€85,000

@ibrahem-4 | Ibrahim and his family - vetted

Ibrahim's family is as follows: a mother (66), a father (66), two brothers (36 and 22), a sister, his sister's children (7 and 8). Ibrahim's oldest brother is a doctor, and Ibrahim was studying nursing before the war. €614/€30,000

@somaiahassansworld | Hassan and his family - vetted

Hassan's wife lost their child that she was carrying due to stress and malnutrition. Hassan and his wife got married four days before the war. This fundraiser hasn't received donations in 2 days!! €2,035/€50,000

@hosamhammad | Ibrahim and his family - unvetted as far as I can tell but seems legit (let me know if it has been vetted and I'll correct this!)

Ibrahim is 16 and has Down Syndrome. Here's an article written about him. Ibrahim's brother Amjad lives in Belgium and is organising the fundraiser on the behalf of his family to help them evacuate and cover any other necessary living costs. €141,997/€150,000

[enbycrip]

A fascinating and bittersweet part of my family history here, and a sign of how the lives of very ordinary people end up entwined with the wider world, which here in Britain in the mid-20th century meant with Empire.

This book belonged to my Granda, from when he was sent to Kenya to do National Service. He was, of course, a working class white boy from urban Glasgow, who had already been working full time since he was 14. I grew up with his stories about his time out there - it was frightening, and difficult, because it was so different from what he knew, and he had no choice or say in where or when he went, but it was also incredibly exciting and interesting for him.

I’m entirely sure that he, like most of my family, was neurodivergent, and my guess is autistic; I recognise so many of his mannerisms and features from myself. That can only have made being suddenly moved right out of his context so much more difficult for him. I know he found army discipline initially very difficult; much like me, he always found being told what to do for no good reason incredibly challenging, and all his later jobs were either self-employed - he was a taxi driver for 30+ years - or very self-directed. But he also got to learn to drive a jeep, and then to join the Signals Corps and learn radio physics, which had been a special interest for him since he was a child, and he would never have managed to fund a university degree.

And of course, as this book shows, he got to meet incredibly interesting people from somewhere very different from his own culture, and learn to speak their language. When I was small, he told me a lot of the funniest stories, like the time he and his pal borrowed a couple of horses and mocked up cowboy outfits because all the Kenyan guys in his platoon had only really seen white people in cowboy movies before they joined up, and had a running joke that all of them were actually cowboys at home, so they could go in and be like “Yeehaw, you’ve found us out!”

But he also told me a lot of the stuff that bothered him about being part of the machinery of Empire even when I was small, and, as he said, “I was just a wee boy then myself and didn’t know anything about anything either”; things like him being put in command of a Kenyan squad of black soldiers literally just because he was white. He told me about being expected to give orders to this incredibly experienced sergeant in his forties, who had been through WWII, when he was a 17 year old working class boy from Glasgow, and being very much “there is no way this is remotely right, or makes any sense whatsoever.” My Granda, of course, was a member of the Communist Party, and I think being in the position of seeing - and having to be part of - colonialism and Empire close-up definitely influenced his politics later in life.

He also got to meet just ordinary Kenyan people too; he told me stories about going to the markets to buy stuff from old ladies who reminded him of the ladies selling in the Barras back in Glasgow, and when one of his guys got married and brought his new wife in to meet everyone. She was initially very nervous, but then laughed her head off as my Granda tried out his Swahili on her.

My Granda died in 2019, just a few months before COVID first hit. He’s still very present to me in so many ways - I have a photo of him up in my kitchen, and inherited his compost bins and rain butt for my garden - but I always think of him in particular when I’m working on my history stuff. I’m going to treasure this book.

I think a lot about this whenever anyone claims modern Brits “shouldn’t have to feel guilty about Empire”. This is a place where my direct family history intersects very directly with Empire just two generations back from me. And yes, my Granda was just a radio operator and a driver, was never more than a private, and happily left the army as soon as he could. But he was still part of the imperial machinery when Britain was doing horrendous shit in Kenya, little as he wanted to be, and much as he felt having to do that was imposed on him as a Scot for an English Empire.

And of course he, like I, grew up and have lived our lives in Glasgow, a city whose wealth was built on imports from sugar plantations, and imperial trade, and thus from slavery. And so both of us benefitted from that, despite being just ordinary working class people.

This is the nature of Empire. The benefits and the oppression are both frequently diffuse. Co-option happens. While some people benefit *enormously* - there are still many *incredibly* wealthy families descended from slave owners who have only used that wealth to further entrench their privilege - and far more only suffer exploitation, in such a vast institution so many people live in a complex place where they experience both benefits and exploitation, in a thousand complex variations.

So I don’t see it as being about “guilt”, but about acknowledgement, and about reparations. There are things I owe to people who are still experiencing adverse circumstances, poverty and exploitation now because of things the British Empire did that I am still benefitting from the results of. Sometimes that’s direct mutual aid, to individuals or organisations. Sometimes it’s fighting for my country to provide reparations, change its actions, or even just acknowledge actions and ongoing benefit. And sometimes it’s learning, and passing that knowledge on.

[msbeth313]

November 6, 2024

I have struggled all day to put my thoughts into words. I would like to say that I am surprised that this country has once again chosen a man over a more qualified woman for president. What I am surprise about is that people not only saw this man for who he is—a misogynist, racist, homophobe, xenophobe, and anti-intellectual, from his first term as president, and thought it was better than a woman. A woman who is arguably the most qualified candidate for president ever, having served the past four years as vice president. Kamala Harris has served as Attorney General of California from 2011-2017, U.S. Senator from California from 2017-2021. And these were all after being a District Attorney in San Fransisco from 2002-2011.

Meanwhile, Donald Trump is the only president ever to have been impeached twice, attempted to incite a coup, and has been found guilty on 34 felonies and has been found liable for rape. His former cabinet members cautioned the public numerous times about his unfitness for office and his fascist ambitions. He has called those in the miliary and gold star families (those who have lost family members while in the field of battle) “Suckers and losers.” He has made “friends” with dictators like Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un. I won’t even talk about how many people died under his incompetence during the Covid pandemic.

I was talking with my mom earlier this evening. I live with my mom, who will be 80 years old next year. I pretty much take care of her since my dad passed away in 2020 and she cannot live alone due to various issues with arthritis and neuropathy in her feet that makes her mobility compromised and she no longer drives. My mom lives on social security, her pension and my dad’s pension. It really is not all that much. I have been attempting to find a job myself that allows me to work from home or at least work close to home to be available in case she needs me. I was supposed to start a job this week, but it turned out being a fake.

I keep applying to jobs and not having any luck and you cannot tell me that under Trump things will be better. I also thought at some point in my life that I would have become a parent by this time in my life. I know that people are having kids nowadays in their 40’s like I am now, but honestly, now, there is just no way ever. Maybe if, somehow in the future if I get a good paying job, have my own home, do not have to take care of my mom, I would adopt, but the idea of bringing my own child into this world, into a world where Trump is president, where he will put RFK Jr. in charge of the health department (if you have no idea who he is or what he’s about, LOOK HIM UP, its terrifying for anyone who cares about children’s health). People who support Trump and other MAGA supporters may believe that they have won. They may feel that they have “gotten their country back.” But I feel that they will truly be surprised when they feel the effect of a second Trump administration. He has told us that he will be a dictator on day one. The only people who will benefit financially will be those who make more than $400,000 a year. It is not financially feasible to deport all of these “illegals” (by the way, NO ONE IS ILLEGAL, everyone is a HUMAN BEING, there is nothing more dehumanizing than calling someone an “Illegal”).

This is how Nazi Germany started. People thought Hitler was doing something “good for the country” at first too.

[softpine]

Do you think your sims would have survived the lockdown part of covid? I know we all pretty much lost our minds. Do you think any of them would have been the type that "took advantage" of the time?

honestly i don't know when 2020 would've fit into the timeline so i'm basically fudging this whole thing lmao

oh beth & caroline would've been REALLY close to filing for divorce. with cara being a tattoo artist, she would've been completely out of work and beth would've been working from home (she's a children's therapist) but there are no extra rooms in the house to use as an office, so she would've had to either use the computer in the living room/dining room/kitchen which would be a major privacy issue, or set it up in their bedroom which is super small. they were already having relationship issues at that time, but being trapped in such close quarters..... they would be at each other's throats... and they wouldn't even be able to have crazy makeup sex (the only tried and true solution to their problems fjksjd) because asa is in the next room doing virtual school 😭 btw asa definitely started making bread from scratch and promised himself he would keep doing it after life went back to normal (he did not).

stevie would still be working. KD would have let her stay home, but stevie would be desperate to get out of the house (oh my god her parents would be insufferable) and not be lonely anymore. you know that tiktok that's like "you think you can hurt my feelings but it was my job to enforce the cracker barrel mask mandate as a 17 yo butch lesbian" literally that but "it was my job to enforce the mask mandate for rural american truck drivers as a 16 yo trans girl" 🫡

elaine and jada are lucky because their bedroom windows face each other, so they could technically see each other. elaine would've fallen down the skincare rabbit-hole and completely ruined her skin in a matter of months (me too girl...... happened to the best of us) and jada would've had time to make tons of art, but she would have extreme art block and spend most of her time just laying in bed being anxious (again. me too girl.)

i guess casper would still be in high school, and sadie was still just a toddler. danny had already been working from home for years, so it would be nothing new for him

trigger warning for serious discussion of covid below

mikaela is a pediatric nurse at a hospital, so i don't really want to go into detail about how emotionally damaging that time must've been :( she would be working nonstop and i think she wouldn't even want to go home afterwards for fear of transferring germs. she might have stayed in a hotel during the peak of things

i'm gonna be honest i think 2020 would've been the worst year of coco's life because her boyfriend had cancer and was going through chemo, so obviously she could not be anywhere near him unless she was willing to be 100% quarantined with him, which she couldn't do because she needed to work. she had people counting on her. and she had.... a lot of other stuff going on too, some of which would've been affected by a pandemic but i can't really go into detail about that

and finally i have to state the obvious -- people died, no matter how careful they or their families were, and sometimes it didn't even matter how healthy they were before covid hit. i had family members who were immunocompromised get covid and i thought they wouldn't survive but they did, while other people in my life were only in their 40s/50s and healthy but they didn't survive. so in my mind, there's no point trying to guess how my characters would fare, and also it just feels icky in general. but it felt weirder to not acknowledge this at all, so. here's this ramble.

i also want to send love to anyone who continues to be affected by covid in a world that wants you to believe it's "over", whether that be from long covid, grief, being immunocompromised yourself, etc. i see you ♥

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

So I’m 27 next month and I don’t know what to do. I had been studying at college/university in 2019 but dropped out due to my health, tried to get a job but failed, and then a family member died and the pandemic hit all in 2020, and then obviously there was all the lockdowns and I was forced into signing up for benefits here in the UK and it’s 2024, and I’m still unable to get back into work and I’m still seeing a psychologist and I just don’t know what to do anymore as I feel like my life is slipping past me and I’m not able to do anything about it, I know I’m not stupid and I know I’m capable and have career aspirations but also family aspirations. I’ve never had a boyfriend and while I want to have a good career I also want to get married and have children more so, I love kids and I feel like I’m never going to get either. I mean it’s three years until I’m thirty years old, and if I sign up to go back to university then it’s three or four years before I graduate and then years trying to build a career for myself.

Oh anon, I feel for you. I really do. I've several relatives who are (and were) similarly stuck - some of them were impacted by the pandemic years, and others were impacted by the 2008 global meltdown - so I know how hard you're feeling everything.

A few things to keep in mind first:

Everyone does life at their own pace. You are exactly where you're supposed to be because that's exactly where you're meant to be. You are doing just fine being right where you are. As long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other, you'll get to wherever you want to go, even if you take a few detours along the way.

When we judge ourselves by other people, we have a tendencey to compare our worst days to other people's best days because we're our own worst critic. (I blame social media for that - people only share the best things on social media which makes it look like everyone is happy little clams living picture-perfect lives while you're stuck down here in the muck trying to shovel out from two years' of rain.)

I think you'll find that there are more people who feel like you than people who'll say they're living their best life and they wouldn't change a thing.

27 is pretty young, and so is 30 for that matter. If you look at the whole scope of life, what is 'another 3 years' but a drop in the bucket, especially if it will make you happy? You may not have anything to lose if you go back to school now, if that's really what you want to do. But if your heart isn't it, or you'd be doing it because it's what you think you should do, then that may not be the right thing for you. And that's okay!

I don't know a whole lot about the UK in terms of career choices, higher education,a nd job opportunities so I don't know how practical or realistic some of my advice could be. But here goes.

Does it have to be a professional/academic program? Maybe there are trade schools or vocational programs you can look into instead. I think the UK might call it Further Education colleges? (We call it community college here in the US.)

And if you love children, what's stopping you from working with them now? You could become a nursery assistant or a midwife, a nanny or an au pair. You could volunteer with an organization that focuses on children or youth services, or maybe work for one as a receptionist?

One of the things I've learned from my cousins' experiences pulling out of the economic collapse or COVID-stasis is that sometimes the unconventional path is better, luckier, and more successful. So don't think you have to go for a professional degree. There are other options out there. They may be harder to find, but they're there.

I know you can do it, anon. You're already brilliant enough to ask for help, and trust me - that takes a ton of gut.

If anyone has any advice or wants to support our Hopeful Anon, please share in the comments or send in your suggestions! I will use the anon advice tag.

[letstalkshipping]

*ahem*

I know I'm not active on here at the moment (a personal choice) but I had to come back to vent about something. No surprise here, but it's about the unexpected recent death of Liam Payne.

I was never a Directioner, but 1D are so deeply ingrained in the popular culture of my generation that this still made a huge impact on me when I heard the news just now. I also recently watched a video by Film Cooper about Liam being a douche lately so that was extremely fresh in my mind, whereas I wouldn't have known much about this particular member of One Direction before that.

At first I couldn't believe it was true, but after reading the news reports, it made some more sense.

And while this news is distressing and pitiable, the actual death is not what makes me mad and brings me to type viciously on my keyboard here. The reason for that is the life that Liam was living before he died. There is a certain look that celebrities sometimes get that scares me. Liam started looking like Johnny Depp. Power corrupts, but fame destroys. These 1D members were practically kids when they became famous. And they weren't from families with parents who were in the spotlight, who could have known the pitfalls of this lifestyle and given them some clues and guidance along the way. What I'm saying is that often, people do NOT HAVE THE TRAINING to manage global fame and success and the problems it can bring.

But to another point I have... I am a Christian and I do believe that we live in a world with a spiritual dimension. I believe that there are good and bad spirits and forces at work all around the world, in a variety of different forms. And I also believe that God is the one who should be worshiped. To this point, I see superstars with superfans as an example of idolatry. (And as an avid fan of various famous people, yes, I confess to this sin myself.) These people are worshipped by others, and not one of them that I could think of off the top of my head reflects that worship back to the one who created them. [Letitia Wright was an outspoken Christian actress and guess what happened to her! The whole "Covid" thing where they were forcing people to be vaccinated left her without work and as the but of a lot of ill will because she took a stand for something counter-culture. Yeah, in this industry, a Christian doesn't get very far.] Instead, there is another force at work mentioned in this Bible verse... "Wherein in time past you walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience..."

So, someone who is fully seeking their own worship, denying all trace of God in their life and living it up in 'the devil's playground' of this world as it seems Liam was doing... don't you think it might be reasonable to say that Satan was having his way with him? I wonder that about certain celebrities I see and there are TONS of examples from the past of people getting their time of fame and then ending up as absolute destroyed wrecks, including many suicides, early deaths, and substance addictions etc. Because Satan IS a manipulator. He started at the Garden of Eden and he's still working his tricks. He offered Eve knowledge and wisdom and the beautiful looking fruit in the garden. He offers people now fame and high-profile or multiple relationships, and money and 'the perfect body' and everything else that's shiny... But he is also a destroyer. Liam isn't really famous anymore. He's been called a "washed up star." What if the Devil was finished with him and decided to pull the rug on the deception? Look at Harry... There's something weird going on there, in my opinion. I think he's a current pawn of darkness. Do you really think he will end up having a fulfilling long-term relationship and settling down with a family or something where he could do good in the world and staying healthy for many years to come? It doesn't seem likely to me. And people will call it "the industry" and to an extent it is, but I think it is also the darkness at work behind these things.

With that being true, I still also think part of this is the lack of guidance and training for people who are thrust into the limelight. I mean, people go to college for 3-8 years to be qualified for their career paths. These kids had nothing like that. I don't think fame should be this polarized and extreme. I don't think it is ever healthy for the person receiving the fame. When people work hard during their younger years building up an acting profile until they get a big break later on after milder doses of success, that's different. That means there can be some maturity and experience and understanding about how to manage such insane things, but otherwise, I think it can lead to such issues. And having such success and fame also comes with free access to money and all it can buy. Which includes alcohol and drugs, which, as we know, contributed over a period of time to the life I mentioned that Payne was living, and possibly eventually his death.

In conclusion, this news is gut-wrenching, but not entirely shocking. I hope this message might get someone else thinking about these things, and reconsidering how our society looks at celebrities and fame. It's not normal, natural, or needed. Be real.

[bonefall]

Similar to how Storm felt like she was defending an abuser because victims do that, Thunder almost feels like a legitimate reaction to knowing you were abandoned and wanting to somehow make up for it as if it’s your fault even though it isn’t - and then the series is immune to Clear Sky being bad and Thunder’s rose-tinted glasses are just the narrative’s shitty lens. And like you’re right the dissonance between everybody acting like he’s great and his actual frustrating appearances is so strong it feels like it’s building to some kind of “actually he sucked the whole time” realisation and it just?? Isn’t. So like shit dude maybe if Thunder didn’t wanna be abandoned he should’ve simply been a cooler baby, obviously it’s not Clear Sky being awful /j

In my own family, there are two people in the generation above me who were abandoned by their father "I'm going out to get milk" style, and were adopted by a new man when he married their mother.

(also btw shitty biodad loved the taste of licorice alcohol which I think is the nastiest thing any human has ever invented so there really was not a Single Redeemable Thing about him. I'm gonna call him Licorice Biodad)

The older sibling, a boy I'll call... Hamilton, spent his entire life trying to get their biodad to notice him. They all lived in the same town, so there were times where Hamilton would work for him (not properly compensated obviously) or go out of his way to try and visit him. Saddest story I know is this one time the siblings walked across town to visit biodad's apartment, he answered the complex door, said "Ohh so nice to see you! I'll brb" and left them standing there. For hours.

Never came back out lol they had to walk home.

Licorice Biodad only died recently (survived covid somehow and died of old age). Hamilton spent his entire adult life trying to include the man in his life and never reconciled with how awfully he was treated. I never even learned the sad stories from Hamilton; I learned them from his mother and the younger, girl sibling. I'll call her uhhh.... Alexandria

Alexandria by contrast is what you imagine an abandoned child is like. She does not call Licorice Biodad by his name; she calls him 'sperm donor', is ADAMANT her adopted dad is her real, only dad, full of a lot of clear rage about how she was treated.

It probably factors in that every time Hamilton dragged Biodad back into their lives for brief stints of time, it always ended in Alexandria being dogpiled or humiliated in some way.

So, how I engage with adoption narratives is colored a lot by these two members of my family. Clear Sky's writer favoritism is uniquely painful. Thunder reminds me immensely of Hamilton, like it's a story trying to tell me that his destructive impulse was justified.

That the suffering he went through is completely correct because deeeeeep down, Clear Sky, just like Licorice Biodad, was actually a good person who needed the help to show it.

And I just think that's sickening. I think that's a disgusting thing to put in a series for young adults. They don't go far enough by just having Thunder leave his group and fight him at the first battle, because it's immediately undermined by framing Clear Sky as a sad boy worthy of forgiveness, despite his behavior not fundamentally changing.

It undermines my faith that these writers are capable of handling redemption arcs at all, when Clear Sky and Tom are the characters they think are redeemable.

[opinated-user]

(reminder to never harass, contact or even bother any of the person i ever show in this blog. including LO herself) what a particular mess of an ask is this. let's go with this on parts. 1. first of all, are we leftist or are alt righters? you can't be both at the same time. 2. always. the left has cared about doxxing since forever. people cared when keffals was doxxed. people cared when other leftists are doxxed. only people who are terminally online go as far for tweets that children made however many years ago, and terminally online people are all over the political spectrum so i do question why make this a particular leftist thing that all leftist are equally responsible for. none of this is to say that any of us is loosing sleep over P, but the facts are what the facts are: LO had the personal info of P and use it at the first sign of a rumour she never even waited to see it was confirmed or not. we still don't know if it was confirmed or not. but we do know that LO was holding onto the personal information of P and could have caused harassment on her irl workplace. if Courtney is saying the true about P having people in LO's server, then LO was holding onto that information before any of this happened, simply because P was a critic of her and she was eagerly waiting any possible excuse to use it... and we're supposed to praise her for her "support"? after all the horrible things she said and lied about Courtney? i don't think so. 3. not to mention, a "poniont (did they mean poignant...?) strain of covid as a carrier brewing in their sugar bombs of a body" is certainly the weirdest attempt at an insult i have heard since this i started this blog. so if this is an ask from LO, congrulations, that was an original. i have a family member who died of covid though, so it's still rude, but at least original. saying that our bodies bodies are sugar bombs is unintentionally adorable, what a cute mental image, thank you for that.

[metatomatoes]

Long-ass personal story/rant under the cut. Feel free to skip, I'm mostly just writing this down to get it out of my system.

So, 2024 did not start out all that great, but it was manageable. And then February hit, everything proceeds to fall apart. Yay.

February 1

My beloved uncle John died of cancer after transitioning to in-home hospice care in early December. This one is rough. I'm very close to him and his family. I was raised by a single mom, and while I was very young my uncle was her go-to when she needed someone to watch me. That, and she wanted me to have an positive relationship with an adult male family member because I couldn't get that kind of social development at home. TL;DR he was kinda my surrogate dad when I was little and we never lost that bond.

The following week was kind of a blur of tears, grieving and prepping for my uncle's wake and funeral. I volunteered to do a reading/reflection at the service. I went to work, although I definitely was not at my best. For example, I accidentally purchased $800 worth of company swag on my personal debit card. Stuff like that.

February 9

My parter and I go to his wake in the afternoon and get home around 10 pm. Sad, difficult, exhausting, but also full of love and support.

Feb 9/10

I'm not sleeping well so I'm up late watching something, when around 1 am I hear water dripping inside a wall where that does not make sense for that sound to be heard. The upstairs unit in the 3-decker condo I live in is currently unoccupied, so I go up there to discover their living room radiator has a massive leak. We turn off the heat and the radiator valves, stopping the outflow of water and get as much of the water on the floor mopped up as possible.

February 10

Wake up to a water-soaked living room ceiling. Apparently the leak went on just long enough that a lot of water got under the floorboards upstairs, despite our best efforts to soak it all up. So, now we have pretty significant water damage that is going to have to be fixed at some point - fingers crossed we just have to strip and repaint as opposed to needing to have the whole thing re-platstered.

I can't think about all that right now though, because this day is also my uncle's funeral. It's a nice service. I read one of my uncles' favorite poems and give a short reflection, which goes well. Reception followed by family gathering. It really was good to see all my extended family, and people I haven't seen since my uncle John got married. (I'm quite famous among my aunt's family from their wedding, where I notably accidentally drank champange and gave a very enthusiastic performance as a "bop bop" girl when the wedding party was recruited to pretend we were a band at the reception. I was 6 at the time, so I do look a bit different now 😂).

Feb 12/13

I wake up in the middle of the night because my partner is burning up with a fever and tossing around like a fish out of water. Yep, he got the Covid - turns out my uncle Eric (who my partner and I spent a lot of time with over the course of the wake and funeral for my uncle John) tested positive when he got home on Sunday. Honestly I have never seen my partner this sick in the 8.5 years we have known each other! Neither of us have contracted Covid before now and this shit is no joke.

I have an oral surgery on Friday so I'm crossing my fingers I don't get sick as well.

February 13

At work, my amazing employee "A" of 3.5 years lets me know her last day is going to be March 1st. She's leaving for personal reasons which are 100% legit and I know it was a hard decision for her to make. Still, I am really going to miss this girl, as will everyone she works with on our team.

And on a somewhat selfish note, this also means a lot more work for me as I fill in for her responsibilities and start the recruiting process. So that's a lot to plan for, but at the time all I felt was just....loss. And pride, because I know it took a lot for A to make this decision and prioritize herself and her family over work. I'm just sad about it. And a tad overwhelmed, but I can manage, right?

February 14

Partner is still very sick, but by the end of the day he's starting to improve. Unfortunately, my wonderful cat Killick passes away in the evening. This was not out of nowhere - he's a senior cat who was diagnosed with hyperthyrodism a few years ago, which he never quite bounced back from despite our and our vet's best efforts. The last few months he's been losing weight, but we actually thought he was doing a bit better because his activity and social time was increasing. However, in the last week he hadn't been very interested in food and was sleeping more than usual, so we scheduled a vet appointment to see what was up, but it was not to be.

I miss my kitty 😭

February 16

Alas, I could not escape the Covid 🤒. I wake up with a high fever, achy all over and sweating. So I cancel my oral surgery and spend the next 2/3 days mostly horizontal. I do have some very creative fever dreams though.

Today

I am mostly recovered from Covid. I've spent the last few days getting my life back together as during all the above events and illness my partner and I ran out of pretty much everything in the house (like groceries and toilet paper) in addition to falling behind on things like house cleaning and groceries. We've also been spending a lot of time focused on our other cat, Mia, who is adjusting to being an only cat now. She's gettting there, and so are we.

I'm still a little behind at work, but catching up as I can. Luckily, my position allows me to set my own schedule and priorities and I have never been more grateful for that kind of flexibility.

Emotionally, I'm a little all over the place. I have broken down in tears over tiny things, like me forgetting an item at the grocery store. I have times where my mood is downright awful and I'm mad at everything. I have had trouble sleeping and maintaining focus, times when I'm hyperproductive and times when I really just want to do nothing but zone the fuck out. I know it's going to take time to find my equilibrium again, and I'm doing my best to give myself the grace to do that.

Anyway, there's no real point to this story other than FUCK this stupid shit show of a month. If you made it this far, thank you for reading, and I hope your month has been better than mine!