#I know in a lot of areas covid is almost a memory of the past

[crabussy]

TO PREFACE. this post is ONLY about the people who openly boast about this and act like they're better than people who do wear masks. the rest of you, drink some water and I love you okay?

I'm so so tired of seeing people SO PROUD of the fact that they refuse to wear a mask. it is such a small, small inconvenience to you but its so important to you that you prolong the pandemic and cause more suffering and death. when you parade your ignorance around I want you to remember this number:

6,910,810

thats the number of deaths from covid-19. that's the total number of people who have died because of the virus as of August 29 2023. it's repulsive how you don't even stop to think about the elderly, those with autoimmune diseases, the already sick or disabled who have such a high chance of dying if they are exposed to even one person with the virus. My dad is now disabled from long covid. he hasn't been able to ride his bike, his favourite activity in the world, for over half a year. and he's one of the least affected by the virus. My friend (no longer around) with an autoimmune disease could not travel for three years because aeroplanes were such a high risk zone for her because people weren't wearing masks in such close proximity.

please I am begging you. inconvenience yourself. people are dying.

I know the death toll is dwindling and thats fantastic but it's not over yet.

[lizacstuff]

Sen Çal Kapımı ep 48 asks

THE EPISODE WHERE THEY FINALLY GOT MARRIED!!!!!!!

SERKAN AND EDA ARE MARRIED!!

FINALLY!

YES!!!!!!!!!

Okay, now that I got that out of my system, asks under the read more.

andhewonherheart asked: @andhewonherheart I love that Bolat is Aydan’s last name, not Alptekin’s. I know it’s a little of a retcon, but this way we don’t need to worry about Serkan and his family carrying that man’s name. And Aydan would be a woman that strongarms her husband into taking her last name.

I LOVED THIS!  I sat up straight when Kemal made the comment about Alptekin taking her name and cheered. Seriously. What a great turn of events. Serkan is so attached to his name, it’s nice that he didn’t have to have an identity crisis over that on top of everything else. And now it’s not weird for Eda and Kiraz to take his name after finding out Kemal is actually his father, which I wanted for them. I wanted them all to be tied together with a name, to have that feeling of belonging. Plus, as you say, it’s nice they don’t have the name of that man. 

I will say one thing, though... is it really a retcon?  Did they ever say Bolat was Alptekin’s given last name? I don’t think they did (but who knows with the iffy translations we all rely on). I do remember Aydan bragging on the lineage of the Bolats in a very early episode (maybe 2?) and at the time I thought it was odd that she was so proud of the lineage when she just married into it, especially because if memory serves she was sort of heckling Eda, who was marrying a Bolat.  Perhaps this was always intended, and we only feel like it’s a retcon because we’re programmed by a patriarchal society to assume a woman always take a man’s last name?

Anonymous asked: I don’t really like the idea of Serkan giving up Art Life. I understand the symbolism of him giving up his work for his family, but I would’ve preferred that he finds a balance, like he did with bringing Kiraz to work. I feel like that would’ve been a more rounded way of approaching his character, instead of swinging him in the other direction, now instead of having only work, he only has his family. When he could have both.

He will have both. Eventually. He’ll figure it out and get back to where he was. He is Serkan Bolat after all. You don’t expect him to sit idle for any length of time, do you?

As much as part of me was just torn up at him selling his stake in the company, I thought it was really beautiful.  Sure, balance is good, but this is a man who has ripped out Eda’s heart twice by telling her that work is more important than she is to him. This is a man who left ON HIS WEDDING DAY, who put work first ON HIS WEDDING DAY, who got on a plane ON HIS WEDDING DAY because he tried to balance (do both, go to Italy and get married in one day) and it ended up putting them both through hell and almost ruining both of their lives.

Picture how you would feel if the person you were marrying decided to fly to another country on your wedding day? 

So I disagree with you. I’m more than fine with Serkan Bolat unequivocally putting Eda first over his career and company. After everything they’ve been though, and her insecurities in that area, it was incredibly important and now she will never, ever doubt where his heart lies. It’s with her. She (and their family) is his top priority.

Besides, the show started with Serkan having destroyed Eda’s dream of studying to become a landscape architect in Italy, it’s quite poetic that he gave up something substantial so that she could realize a dream of working as a landscape architect on her dream project in Italy.

I’m pretty sure she’ll be more than happy to help rebuild their company. Together. 

Anonymous asked: i know you said in your previous ask round-up that as far as the actual proposal goes, nothing would top that speech in 27.. i was wondering how you felt about his speech this episode. sure, it wasn't actually the proposal, more like a "reception" toast, but for me i think it was my favorite speech, or at least top 3, serkan has said to/about eda.. just pure love about their journey together and a huge full circle moment with that video from the pilot episode.

YEEEEEESSSSSS. I so agree with this, and actually thought exactly this while watching.  It was a marvelous speech and while, as you say, it was presented as more of a toast, it was really more of a wedding vow.  

I loved it. And I’ve rewatched it multiple times and I plan to watch it many times more. As always Kerem and Hande were excellent in the scene. Eda and Serkan were in front of their friends and family, but they were so focused in on one another they might as well have been alone. The emotion was palpable. 

She is love. Dang, Serkan!  He’s mentioned love at first sight a couple of times, it was nice that in this moment he gave another nod to that.

Loved the call back to the video from the first episode, it worked really well, especially to remind us of how it all started and how she felt like he destroyed her dream. That segued into him mentioned them destroying each other’s dreams. As I said above, quite poetic, especially since he then put his money where his mouth was by the end of the episode and destroyed his dream to preserve hers. 

Well done, show. 

Anonymous asked: i have loved the tone of this season so much. none of the drama we have is super heavy, outside of the kiraz reveal which was given the angst and importance it should have bc of how it important it was. otherwise, we've had happy (now married!) edser coming back together and now facing trouble and issues as a couple! this was basically all i wanted for them since 28!

Yes, me too. I really enjoy the tone this season. As you say, it’s not super heavy, the melodrama is at a minimum, most things are light and fluffy and even heavy issues are played with a light hand. 

For me, I’ve really enjoyed this season and I’m super glad we got it.  I think COVID did us one favor by shutting down production when it did and forcing them to reevaluate what they were doing.  If they hadn’t I’m guessing the show would have continued in a very messy and directionless manner, with lots of melodrama and storylines that would have been traumatic to watch. 

Season 2 has direction and purpose and a plan and once we got past the horrified shock of the time jump and the secret daughter (which I grant you was no small feat) it’s pretty much been trauma free. 

Anonymous asked: After watching the episode, I'm lowkey disappointed. we did get Pretty Woman SCK-style. I was promised Serkan as a gigilo and Eda encouraging it!!!!! LOL, jokes aside, I'll never forget the outrage over that fragman over "harassment" or "prostitution" of all things when the actual dinner scene lasted 3 minutes, Eda was being at the hotel the whole time, and the scene where people thought she was encouraging him was about her project. Almost 50 eps and you would ppl would learn how fragmans work.

The fragman was insanely misleading, but lots of them are, so you would think they would have figured it out by now, but nope! A large swath of people really embarrassed themselves with their complete over reaction to something that turned out to be nothing like they thought. 

Thankfully Serkan was entirely in the dark about how dire the situation was and why Eda was pushing him to make nice with Deniz, and only humored Deniz very unwillingly and then completely cut ties with her.  I think the best part was the least shocking twist ever... that the Serkan staying in her room line was an actual joke on the show. Come on, kids, it was pretty obvious to anyone with a brain that Serkan would never actually consider staying with her, and certainly not just days after he got married. Preposterous!   

Having said that, I do agree with people who think that Deniz being obsessed with him to that degree is dumb. There is a thread of misogyny and internalized misogyny (depending on which writers) running through the writing of these female guest characters who come in and absolutely shed all dignity, sanity and common sense when it comes to Serkan. Selin, Balca, the actress and Deniz.  Good grief. However, I just don’t care enough to get pissy. If that’s what they’ve come up with to fuel the jealousy trope that apparently is a must for Turkish dizis without having Serkan ever have eyes for anyone but Eda, then so be it.  

The formula is more than obvious by now, so I’m not sure why some folks made asses of themselves jumping to other conclusions. 

[elevatorladylady]

Wheel Of Time thougts Season 1 & Books 1,2

As an adaptation first reader wherever possible, I definitely have some thoughts on how the show handled much of the same plot from the first book, but of course can’t speak to how it fits into the overall plot for several more books.

Character Backstories

The book is almost impressive with how little these characters have to distinguish themselves at the start of the story. The show does a much better job establishing the path these characters were on before going off on this adventure. Rand and Egwene like each other I guess, but it’s really poorly shown how they have expressed and felt this in the past. And while Rand cares a lot about Tam we are severely starved of memories of their time together. Nyneave is handled the best but even then it takes until a second book for her to use anything specific from her time as a wisdom.

I have some negative thoughts on how they did this with Perrin, but at the end of the day I still find show Perrin a lot more interesting because I feel like I understand his fears and motivations. I feel like the biggest descriptions we get in the book about him is that Rand thinks he always knows what to say to girls, but I even question this because Perrin says that same thing about Rand later.

Rand/Male Focus

It seems like the intention was to write as much of this story from Rand’s POV as possible, but even when we need to focus on scenes away from Rand it appears there is a general preference to use a male character in the scene instead of female character. It’s so much less interesting than the show trying to give our five Emmond’s field and Moirraine relatively equal importance.

It makes all of the side characters feel so under developed and their stories kind of added just to round things out or whatever. I also find this more frustrating as the characters in the book seem to rally around Rand and their concern for him. It makes all of these other characters less interesting if they only ever talk about Rand and what he’s up to.

Character Development Through Plot

The books are better at giving you some growth and sitting with some of the ways these kids change as they go on this journey. The show is so fast through this and doesn’t spend nearly enough time with how these experiences could change a person. However, I think books only improve on this by spending more time on it and overall don’t feel impressed with the character development.

Worldbuilding, Magic, and Politics

The book is a lot better about this, especially since they take the time in various locations. Maybe this was a Covid thing, maybe it seemed more important to focus on plot and character, but I honestly preferred it to what just felt like a list of actions for the characters to take with very little emotional resonance. I also suspect the show will do more in the area going forward.

Perrin’s Backstory

I mentioned up top that I actually felt compelled by this new backstory in a way that made the book version seem like an utterly blank canvas, but it’s got some major issues. Firstly, the fridging. Its not great on its own, but it’s made worse by throwing Egwene in the mix for literally no reason. He is about to be a father and the show chooses to make sure we catch hints of jealousy with Rand. One of the only conversations we see him have with his wife hints that she knows/believes that she is his second choice.

The show does manage to convince me that he is deeply bothered by killing his own wife, but not the loss of the family he was very close to having. It feels even less important by the end of the season when we circle back on the love triangle. I do think they managed to give him a very good reason to be conflicted about using violence, but they either needed to do more on Perrin’s marriage and family plans or have him harm/scare someone else and lose the family plot.

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

Alma Mater (S2, E3)

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading. 

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:20 - There’s no way Martin is actually going to escape Claremont until AT LEAST the season finale.

0:55 - Anyone else annoyed that Ainsley isn’t in Martin’s fantasy? I mean - it’s completely in character but it still pisses me off. 

1:49 - I’m sorry - what? How will pouring Malcolm a drink help this fictional situation?

2:00 - Malcolm ruining Martin’s fantasy dream is honestly such a mood. 

2:10 - “That little kill joy.” haha 

2:21 - Malcolm has a stationary bike. Of course he does. But why does he listen to the personal trainer lady (who I assume was a recording programmed on the bike)? Malcolm doesn’t seem like he needs praise or motivation to exercise. He probably does it the way I do - mindlessly as a habit. A habit built from the knowledge that if I skip a morning workout I will feel more unsettled and anxious than usual before lunch....and don’t even get me started on how quickly my depressive thoughts escalate. 

2:24 - ....I’m still convinced/hoping that this is a false memory Martin has planted in Malcolm. I’m all for Malcolm whump and Malcolm trauma...but the thought of Gil, the team, and Jessica finding out that Malcolm committed a crime terrifies me. I don’t want him to go to jail. I don’t want Gil and the team to turn their back on him. I don’t want Jessica to blame herself (more than usual).

2:39 - I love that the “Malcolm pretty much only feeds himself liquorice and lollipops” is still canon this season.

2:42 - OMG. That is not a helpful affirmation. Like maybe for anyone? If you’re traumatized/depressed/anxious “consider the past and you shall know the future” is not comforting or inspiring. It’s the opposite.

2:48 - I’m loving how confidently Malcolm has been shutting down Martin’s manipulation. #soproud

2:52 - Anyone else super upset that Martin is the person with whom Malcolm discusses his mental health the most honestly? 

3:12 - Check out the way Mr. David looks at Martin here. Does Mr. David already know about Endicott? Or is he just like, “Bitch, spit it out so I don’t have to keep guessing your current family drama.”?

3:17 - “Let’s have another session today.” .....Does Martin really think he’s Malcolm’s new therapist? DOES MALCOLM THINK THAT? IS THAT WHY HE ISN’T SEEING GABRIELLE? HAS MARTIN MANIPULATED HIM INTO THINKING THAT HE DOESN’T NEED GABRIELLE?!?

3:22 - hahahaha OMG. Mr.David is so done with Martin’s theatrics.

3:32 - Ok so two things:

Martin’s insight on Malcolm’s mental health/coping mechanisms is disturbingly on point. Almost like he’s an attentive, caring, father (which he isn’t). 

How long was Gil outside Malcolm’s door before he knocked? Do you think he overheard Malcolm’s side of the conversation? I kind of hope he did. But only if it means I get to see Gil asking Malcolm about it.

3:50 - “Put me on speaker.” I’m torn. Part of me is so proud of Malcolm for denying Martin’s need for attention....but part of me is living for a Martin/Gil showdown where they fight over Malcolm in front of Malcolm.

3:54 - Ok. So Gil was a jerk last episode but I forgive him. Gil just showed up at Malcolm’s apartment to tell him about a case instead of calling Malcolm. Gil knew Malcolm would be upset. Gil knew that Malcolm needed to hear this in person. <3 My heart is full. <3 

4:12 - Concerned!Gil is everything. Look at how much he cares about Malcolm and what this case will inevitably bring up for Malcolm. You can almost see how badly Gil doesn’t want Malcolm on this case. 

4:13 - “What if I said I need you?” Damn. Gil knows. He knows that Malcolm desperately doesn’t want to ever disappoint Gil. Gil is Malcolm’s hero and, when Malcolm is thinking straight, he’d do anything for Gil. 

4:17 - <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 Gil looks so sad when he notices Malcolm’s hand shaking. Can a heart simultaneously break and heal? 

4:23 - Oh yeah. Gil definitely wanted Brumback dead for what he did to Malcolm. He doesn’t even try giving Malcolm the “you’re being insensitive” look. 

4:42 - Wow. That school is nicer than my university. 

4:47 - Do you think Gil’s been to the school before? To visit and/or pick up Malcolm? ....I really want to believe he did. Gil looks like he’s leading Malcolm through campus. Gil looks like he’s familiar with the campus. Surely that means he visited Malcolm there. Right?

5:17 - So...was the “office under water” thing officially a prank? It’s brutal. Forget the murder, Brumback would’ve expelled kids for that prank. 

5:27 - I love how Dani looks at Gil for clarification here. She’s like, “Malcolm is upset, ranting, and making no sense. I’m not going to set him off further by asking more questions. But I need to know what the hell he’s going on about.”

5:40 - Soooo is JT texting Dani? Or is Tally? I really hope it’s Tally. I hope Dani’s texts are all reading something along the lines of “He won’t stop pacing and panicking. If he doesn’t calm down I’m going to slap him.”

5:43 - I love the look of disbelief that Gil shoots Dani when her phone goes off. haha

5:52 - hahaha Gil so heard Edrisa the first time. He was just giving her a chance to conform to professional social standards. 

6:03 - hahahaha OMG. Edrisa is a treasure.

6:56 - awww Malcolm, baby. :( This boy has so much trauma. I love it. 

7:07 - I’m assuming Malcolm’s ‘high school’ was grades 10-12 (not 8-12 which is common in the area of Canada where I grew up) so that means Tom Payne is currently being passed off as a 15-16 year old. It kinda works. But ngl - I spent most of this scene thinking “could they not hire a kid because of COVID?” 

7:12 - I’m not actually mad that Tom Payne was allowed to play high school Malcolm though. His performance in this scene is really moving. “Be someone new.” :( <3

7:45 - Sooooo Malcolm changed his name before he was legally an adult. If it’s his legal last name (we see “Bright” on pill bottles in S1 so it’s his legal name now at least) Jessica had to have signed the paperwork. Damn. I wish I was there to see that process regardless of when it became his legal last name.

7:49 - Baby Malcolm looks so comforted by Martin’s acceptance of his new name and new school. It breaks my heart. 

8:00 - Wait. There was a teacher who liked Malcolm at this school? The son a serial killer? AND the teacher recognizes Malcolm 15 years later?!? Nah. I don’t buy it. I love Malcolm but I feel like the teachers would’ve avoided developing any sort of relationship with Malcolm even if they didn’t have a problem with him. 

8:05 - Hold up. This school is so fancy. Are you telling me they don’t have outdoor security cameras? Surely those would’ve told you who the suspects for the desk thing were at least. 

8:15 - awwww poor Malcolm looks shattered here. :( 

8:31 - “Easy. Let’s keep an open mind.”  That is pure Dad!Gil energy and I’m here for it. 

8:39 - Of course. Of course Jessica is involved in the rich school. 

8:51 - I’m on Gil and Malcolm’s side here. Jessica is putting her reputation over Malcolm’s mental health. Shame on her. No no. I will not stand for this - and neither will Gil. Damn. Look at how pissed he is on Malcolm’s behalf. <3 So sweet. 

9:06 - “Pop-pop’s aquatic center”!?!? Soooo is Pop-pop Jessica’s grandfather or Malcolm’s? Either way give me more information about the extended family. Are they dead? Did they disown them after the Surgeon business? I WANT ANSWERS FEDAK. 

9:15 - I swear. Malcolm is the best son/brother ever. The sacrifices he makes for his Mom/sister are unreal. Also - how much do you want to bet that Malcolm was thinking about the Endicott murder coming out when Jessica said, “how soon until they connect that back to me?”. Malcolm looks so sad here. 

9:23 - Nah. I don’t like Delaney. Even on the first watch I was put off by him. Something about him just creeps me out. He’s showing a weird amount of affection for Malcolm 15 years after Malcolm finished school. IDK maybe I was just upset that someone was trying to mimic Gil’s relationship with Malcolm? 

9:27 - oooooooohhhhh Mom and Dad are fighting. hahaha Malcolm looks so uncomfortable. Gil looks livid. Is Gil pissed because Jessica dumped him or because she totally just neglected Malcolm’s well-being for her own? Probably both. Either way, it’s endlessly entertaining. 

9:53 - I’m on Gil’s side here. She dumped him (like a f**ing moron) because she “doesn’t want to hurt him” and because she’s “broken” and “cursed”. Yet - she manipulates her way into cases. Making her business Gil’s. Gil should be pissed - she broke his heart. Again. Like he’s literally been choosing to hang out with Malcolm, Jessica’s (let’s face it) broken son, for more than 20 years. Jessica’s crazy if she thinks that she’s going to get Gil killed or hurt just because she’s a Whitly. Malcolm’s technically a Whitly - Gil hasn’t died yet. 

10:15 - “Not usually.” Dang. That was icy.

10:50 - Yo this is one messed up bible study. Take it from someone who has attended many young adult/teenage bible studies. This is crazy. Usually it’s: read the bible for 5-10 minutes as a group, discuss how you interpreted it for 15-20 mins, pray as a group for 5 mins, then like an hour of tea/coffee, cookies, board games, and general chatting about normal stuff like romance, school, and personal drama. 

11:44 - “Poor Tally.” hahaha I’m willing to bet that Tally is texting Dani - not JT. I just can’t imagine a panicking, first-time father, texting his little sister with accurate medical details about his wife’s pre-labour experience. He’s probably way too panicked to remember the medical jargon that is “foley ballon”.

12:00 - I’ve watched this scene about 30 times. I’m in love with it. Tom Payne’s performance is haunting and I’m a sucker for emotional whump. I love how Dani is concerned about Malcolm but respectful enough to pry until he shuts down. I love Malcolm’s little speech about the hand tremor (even though it doesn’t make sense because baby Malcolm’s hand was shaking when Shannon interrogated him - but that’s a whole different can of worms I’m not going to rant about).

 12:39 - Does anyone else think it’s weird that there’s a bolt on the closet door? Why isn’t there a lock in the door handle like every other interior school door? I mean, I guess it’s because they can be unlocked from the inside and Nicky would’ve needed a key....but still. The things I forgive for the sake of plot. 

13:25 - Damn. Brumback was a real jerk. “I know what you really are.” Do you know how painful that would be for Malcolm to hear? Regardless of what he almost did to Nicky? Everywhere Malcolm goes people accuse him of being just like his father. Is it surprising that in a moment of weakness, with teenage hormones, Malcolm snapped and said, “Eff it. They think I’m a murderer anyways.”

13:26 - OMG. How bad were the kids at this school?!?! Brumback expelled so many kids. Holy hell. Also - Brumback is wearing a wedding ring. Did he get divorced before he died? Did his wife pass away before him? Why was his family not part of this investigation at all?

13:31 - Brumback writing “Malcolm Whitly” instead of Malcolm Bright is....ouch. I just. My heart breaks for Malcolm.

13:37 - OMG. Traumatized people going through PTSD flashbacks should not be unattended next to a pool of water. Honestly - I thought our boy was going to drown. Which the whumper in me would’ve loved but also I don’t think it was right for the plot on this one. 

14:38 - Martin is such a liar. He definitely thinks he’s God’s gift to the Earth. 

15:02 - Martin knows a lot about the security zones. Something tells me this isn’t the first time he’s contemplated escaping. 

15:04 - Oh shit. Daryl has an imaginary cell mate. I know that’s a serious mental illness and I shouldn’t laugh but OMG. The moment Martin realizes that Daryl is delusional is priceless. hahahaha

15:25 - How much to do want to bet Mr. David has a red key card? Martin’s grin confirms it. 

15:40 - Wow. The classrooms in this high school are really big. I would’ve thought this fancy private school would have smaller class sizes.

15:49 - YES. OMG. Malcolm walking into that classroom soaking wet is golden. *chef’s kiss* Look at Gil’s face - it’s a mixture of concern and disbelief. He’s soooo worried about Malcolm right now. <3 

16:07 - It’s a good thing Malcolm’s rich because that phone is never going to be useful again. 

16:20 - ahhahahaha OMG. WTF. Gil’s little twinkle-finger wave is hilarious. 

16:38 - This whole scene Gil is just staring at Malcolm with so much concern. It warms my cold, dead heart. <3

16:46 - Do you think Malcolm looked for his name in the book? Is it the same book? Do you think Brumback expelled enough kids that this is a new black book?

17:08 - Ok. So I immediately don’t like Louisa. That level of confidence and self-absorption is very unattractive. 

17:25 - Louisa volunteers in the library. That’s how she got access to the poison. 

17:35 - “Dude. You’re dripping.” “Yeah. Water does that.” Can Malcolm be this sassy every episode?!? I’m living for it. 

17:57 - “Boys right? Oof” haha I love Malcolm talking to teenagers. I want it in every episode. ALSO - the jock’s story about the two girls - I’m sorry, but I just don’t see how that an expulsion level offence unless the kid is leaving something out of the story. 

18:31 - Of course they talked about this before they came there. DELANEY WARNED THEM. But mostly to keep his little cheating ring hush hush. 

18:55 - And just like that we’ve been blessed with Malcolm in casual clothes. Wish I could’ve seen Gil question Malcolm’s swim though. 

19:26 - OMG. Edrisa is such a cute little nerd. <3 Protect her at all costs. 

20:00 - Gil and Jessica arguing is amazing. I’m loving it and hating it. Because I want them to live happily ever after in a fairytale world but I do enjoy the drama. 

20:06 - hahaha look at how Jessica just pushes Gil to the side and plows on to Malcolm. This woman is fierce.

20:11 - Yes. Yes Malcolm. Tell Mom she has unrealistic and insensitive expectations of you.

 20:18 - What kind of school is this?!? The board of trustee members are buddy buddy with the students?!? 

20:22 - “They’re all from impeccable families.” “So was I” Mic drop. Watch Malcolm drop the truth bombs. This is maybe the best line in this episode. 

20:30 - “And just like you - none of them is capable of murder.” .....well this sentence is going to come back and bite Jessica in the butt later this season. 

20:44 - The fact that these kids think Edrisa is a freshman is actually hilarious to me. 

20:50 - OMG. “Welcome to boarding school. Bitch.” I was ready for Louisa to die right here. She just punched Edrisa and then called her a bitch. No no no. Edrisa is a quirky treasure and we must protect her. 

21:00 - Damn. I wish we got to see the team’s reaction when they found out one of their teenage suspects assaulted their favourite M.E.

21:10 - Why is it soooo attractive when Malcolm wears casual shirts under a suit jacket? 

21:53 - “My vote is for Louisa. The girl’s got a heavy fist.” hahaha I love Edrisa. SO SO much. 

22:05 - Soooo is Jessica some sort of consultant now? They used her to interview cult extractors and now rich, teenage murder suspect. Is she the “rich person investigator” now?

22:11 - Does Louisa know that Malcolm is Jessica’s son?

23:04 - Louisa is a bad liar. 

24:15 - Delaney should be ashamed. He told Nicky who Malcolm’s dad was. He is the reason that Malcolm got locked in a closet for 3 days. He is the reason Malcolm is claustrophobic. This man should have his teaching license seized and be charged with child abuse. What he did was absolutely despicable. 

24:35 - “My mom’s sending a car.” It’s nice that Malcolm doesn’t always refer to Jessica as “mother”

25:00 - This is heartbreaking. I hope Nicky got expelled. If he didn’t - Malcolm experience a bigger injustice than we were lead to believe. Look at Nicky walking away from Malcolm. That kid has no remorse. I don’t blame Malcolm for seeking revenge. Malcolm keeps getting burned by people. Something had to give eventually.

25:30 - The biggest crime this episode committed is that we only saw Malcolm getting comfort from DELANEY. Honestly. Where was my papa Gil moment?!? Or a Dani+Malcolm moment?!?

25:51 - I doubt Delaney tried to stand up for Malcolm. He probably encouraged the expulsion. 

26:05 - “Please.” Yikes. This has been torturing Malcolm for years. Who sold him out? Who ruined his last chance at a happy childhood? Who allowed him to be traumatized further? Who gave him the hand tremor (assuming we’re ignoring the S1 canon). 

26:38 - What. A. Getaway. This school is full of crazy rich kids.

26:55 - “This time”?!? Doesn’t Martin always root for the killer?

27:05 - I love everything about this interaction between Martin and Malcolm. I love how upset Malcolm is. I love how Malcolm calls out Martin for being a bad dad. I love that Martin just sits there and takes it. Martin even looks a little sad. It makes me wonder - did Martin know about Delaney’s cheating ring? Did Martin manipulate Delaney into thinking Malcolm was a threat and convince him to get Malcolm expelled? I can see Martin doing it. If for no other reason than to tarnish the “Milton legacy” at Remington. 

28:04 - UGH. I want to see how Malcolm got out of that closet SO BAD. Who found him? How close to death was he? PLEASE TELL ME IT WAS GIL. Why didn’t Jessica investigate when Malcolm didn’t show up at the Hamptons as planned? 

28:13 - “How you wish that were true.” Ouch. Martin is a real asshole. He knows just how to destabilize Malcolm’s confidence. 

28:56 - Even now, Martin is trying to manipulate Malcolm. Their relationship is so dysfunctional, beautiful, heartbreaking, and complex. I could watch them interact forever. 

29:31 - Look at that little head shake from Mr. David. Martin’s cell is not soundproof. Mr. David heard everything. Mr. David always hears everything. Mr. David knows about Endicott. Istg. 

30:12 - Delaney is a scumbag. He might not be a serial killer but he’s another male, adult asshole who gained Malcolm’s trust and then stabbed him in the back. 

30:37 - OK. So I know, I’ve been hypothesizing that Mr. David is an ally to Martin’s crazy schemes, or that he worked for Endicott, or that Martin is going to try to kill Mr. David. BUT YO. IF MR. DAVID DIES I WILL THROW HANDS. HE’S SUCH A GREAT CHARACTER. 

31:40 - This is a weirdly fancy room for video games. Also I miss JT. He should be here. I wish he was here. He would’ve been so good in this episode. Can you imagine his facial expressions and comments when he finds out little tidbits about Malcolm’s teenage past?! It would’ve been comedic GOLD. Couldn’t Tally give birth during a less interesting episode?!?! 

32:15 - I’m convinced that Malcolm isn’t actually upset that Delaney’s crime is running the cheating ring. I think Malcolm’s upset because he just realized the only positive male role model (aside from Gil) that he had as a teenager was a manipulative liar who betrayed him. Malcolm just realized that this dude never cared about him and he’s crushed.

32:27 - Wait. Does Delaney make the kids pay him for the answers? Because that actually makes sense. 

33:08 - This whole scene where Molly runs out of the back room and Dani says, “who are you running from?” is really cringey to me. 

33:19 - Oh great. Now the guy who betrayed Malcolm is touching the back of Malcolm’s neck. JUST LIKE GIL DOES. Well....something tells me that’s going to taint how comforting Malcolm find’s that gesture coming from Gil for a while. Malcolm just isn’t allowed to be happy. Even for a moment. It’s a shame. I also love it. 

33:40 - Awww...poor Malcolm is claustrophobic and he gets locked in the vault with a dying man. Look how desperate he is to get out of there - to save Delaney and to save himself more mental distress. 

33:53 - Look at Malcolm panicking here. He tries to hide his panic as concern for Delaney but he’s clearly freaking out about being trapped in a smallish space. 

34:25 - Yep. Malcolm didn’t think he could trust Daryl because Daryl is delusional. SO Martin threatens to murder Daryl and then metaphorically stabs the dude in the back. This is perfectly in character. 

35:25 - Damn. Louisa is seriously mentally ill. She has zero empathy. 

35:57 - Malcolm projecting his mental issues on the killer du jour is always simultaneously cringey and amazing to me. 

36:26 - I’m not going to lie. Daryl screaming “He’s a Judas” as he was dragged away was hilarious. 

37:04 - Holy shit. This took a turn. I’ll be honest - I don’t blame Malcolm for almost killing Nicky. But it does scare me. 

38:35 - That story must have been haunting Malcolm for 15 years. I bet you he’s never told anyone not even Gabrielle. He’s had nightmares about it. Because he knows he’s capable of murder. Just like Martin. That terrifies Malcolm more than anything in the world. 

39:12 - sooooo Delaney just heard that whole confession. Delaney lives. Something tells me this is going to be a problem for Malcolm when Endicott’s murder is investigated later in the season.

39:35 - “Are you insane?” “Maybe.” That’s it. That’s the show. 

40:00 - Two questions: 1) Where is Dani? 2) Why does Gil not know where Malcolm is right now?

40:22 - Look Fedak screwed us over. We didn’t get to see Gil find Malcolm half-dead on the floor of that library vault. BUT this scene almost makes up for it. 

40:24 - Malcolm wrapped in a blanket is so so cute. I just want to hug him. I want Gil to hug him. Ugh. <3 

40:28 - I love that you can tell that Malcolm and Gil have had this sort of discussion about Malcolm’s sense of self-preservation numerous times in the past. Gil looks sooooo pissed. And concerned. 

40:35 - Malcolm’s imitation of Gil makes me so so so so happy. I just. Ugh. It’s adorable. Look at how exasperated it makes Gil. Look at Dani’s reaction to it. This might be the greatest “found family”. scenes this show has given us to date. 

40:55 - “All in a day’s work.” Oh yeah. Gil is super concerned about Malcolm’s mental state. Gil is Worried. I want to see more of it. 

40:57 - I love that Dani just can’t wait anymore. She’s so precious. Look at how excited she is about JT’s baby. <3 I’m in love. She’s so soft here - it’s beautiful and rare for this show to let the audience see this side of Dani. 

41:00 - GIL’S REACTION. <3 OMG. I LOVE HIM. HE LOOKS SO HAPPY. I HOPE JT AND TALLY DUB HIM THE BABY’S UNOFFICIAL GRANDFATHER. 

41:02 - MALCOLM’S FACE. <3 <3 <3 IS THIS THE FIRST TIME HE’S EVER SEEN A BABY? HE’S SO ENAMORED WITH THIS CHILD ALREADY. LOOK AT HOW MUCH MALCOLM ALREADY LOVES JT’S KID. <3 <3 IT’S SO SOFT. I LOVE IT SO SO SO SO MUCH. 

41:22 - I can’t decide about this scene. On one hand - I think it’s really mature of Malcolm to apologize to Martin. It’s a courtesy that Martin doesn’t deserve. ON THE OTHER HAND - I wonder if Malcolm is only apologizing to throw Martin off balance. I wonder if this is Malcolm’s attempt to manipulate Martin for once. Either way - I love it. 

42:25 - Martin always gets the last word. He always worms his way into Malcolm’s brain and screws with Malcolm’s sense of self. I hate it. But I also find it so captivating. 

43:05 - Sooooo is Martin committing the murder next episode? Or is he just manipulating someone else to commit a murder? Either way - I’m excited. 

If you read this far - I’m flattered. I also think you’re a little crazy. But thanks for hanging out. 

[kyndaris]

That Wizard Came From The Moon

There is a lot to love when it comes to Scarlet Nexus. The setting, the combat, the somewhat cliched characters. But one thing I struggled with was suspending my disbelief when it came to the game’s narrative. Don’t get me wrong. I love a good fantasy but as I played through the game, it seemed as if the writers were trying to one-up each jaw-dropping revelation until it just seemed nonsensical. Perhaps if the world was more fleshed out, some of the plot points would have made more sense.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

With games few and far between for Seto Kaiba and I to enjoy together, my interest was piqued by the latest anime weeaboo game of 2021. Having played Astral Chain not too long ago, the trailers I saw painted a very similar world and aesthetic. Except, this time, it was in strokes of red black. Looking back, it was no surprise that I decided to pick the game up - if only to give it a worthy look on a release roster that seemed bare and thin.

Fortunately, the game came out at just the right time. Given the rising COVID-19 numbers in the fair city of Sydney, but just prior the actual lockdown (that would come about a day after, with my local government area one of the lucky few that were restricted from leaving the Greater Sydney region), I had my mother purchase the game at the local JB Hi-Fi near her place of work. Lucky she did, elsewise I would have been stuck with a more expensive digital copy as metaphorical ring of steel encased my house and I would have been hard pressed to get anything delivered in a timely manner.

Right off the bat, Scarlet Nexus offers players the option to play as one of two characters: Yuito Sumeragi and Kasane Randall. According to almost every website online, it doesn’t matter which one you picked first. Why? Because the player was bound to play the game a second time with the character that wasn’t initially selected. At least, if they wanted to understand a few of the more confusing plot elements that were weaved into the sorry tale.

On my first playthrough, I picked Yuito: the stereotypical male lead in almost every anime that is dense about all the people that seem to taking a liking to him. Kind to a fault, he’s very willing to forgive and forget past misdeeds in service of allowing the plot to trudge along. In gameplay, he’s more of a melee fighter, with the occasional use of his psychokinesis powers to back him up.

During the story beats, there’s a lot that is left unexplained. As the game progresses, we learn that Yuito has a condition (why he has it isn’t fully explored or properly explained. Merely guessed at by the other characters) that leaves him confused and with several gaps in his memory. In a truly terrifying moment, Yuito even loses the ability to speak. 

Then, of course, there is the fact that everyone around Yuito seems to know more than they let on and he is left to wander in the dark. Take Kasane Randall and her sudden attempt to kill him (I learned later in her playthrough that it was an impulsive decision borne from what she had learned when she time travelled into the future and met a future version of Yuito). And just like that, near the end, Kasane decides NOT to kill Yuito.

All of which could have been circumvented if they only bloody learned how to COMMUNICATE! 

One of the focuses in Yuito’s path is personality rehabilitation. Although other elements of the grander narrative are hinted at: Other weapons and humans being turned into Others (which are these strange creatures that are created when these space particles come into contact with living beings), it’s primarily focused on the crimes of the New Himuka government. This is especially prevalent in the plot line of Nagi, Yuito’s best friend from his OSF cadet days.

By the time Chapter 8 rolls around, however, there are few more revelations to throw into the mix. The existence of the Kunad gate that is growing ever bigger due to Yuito’s powers resonating with Kasane, Seiran being just as bad as New Himuka and...get this...humanity came from the moon and the Togetsu religion was trying to erase the journey to Earth!

It was a lot to take in, particularly when it seemed as if the game seemingly steamrolled past these points and revealed that Karen Travers was the actual antagonist of the game, looking to travel back in time in order to save Alice - a childhood friend that had been turned into an Other.

To be perfectly honest, this eleventh-hour villain reveal came out of left-field (as is usually typical of JRPGs) and it took some time trying to link everything together. In the end, a lot of the other revelations were tossed to the side as Yuito and Kasane tackled the immediate threat of the world being destroyed by the black hole that was the Kunad Gate rather than the other troubling societal issues that plagued the two major cities in the world.

Kasane, on the other hand, is more of a ranged fighter with a heavier focus on her psychokinesis (later revealed to be gravikinesis with a hint of time travel). Her story was centred around Naomi, her adoptive older sister. As I played through the beats of her half of the narrative, I could not help but be reminded me of another main protagonist with a sister complex: Lightning Farron of Final Fantasy XIII fame. Both were standoffish and cold to their allies before slowly warming up. But whereas Lightning is guarded, Kasane simply struggles with social interactions and is just more blunt in general about her assessments and judgement of people.

I did like the brief moment of interest that she had for Captain Seto. And she almost definitely has a blindspot when it comes to her older sister.

And much like Serah Farron, Naomi is the victim of circumstance. Rather than turning into a crystal, however, the older Randall sibling is transformed into an Other. So begins Kasane’s quest to turn her sister back, with also a few moments of ‘I’ve decided to kill Yuito, but I won’t tell any of my teammates but they’ll jump in and help anyways.’ 

Unfortunately, as with almost all of the characters that the main protagonists have a strong connection to, they die. And while each of the characters learn to grieve and move on, not so for Karen Travers. Because, of course, our antagonist needs to be forever fixated on changing the past instead of accepting of the hand that was dealt when it came to loss.

I suppose, in layman’s terms, it’s the best dichotomy for how players can know that they are the heroes with their more altruistic intentions while the villain is evil and selfish. It’s not the worst message to have, but honestly, some good and proper therapy might have prevented the eventual tragedy.

The main plot aside, I did like the bond episodes - even though I also regarded them as overly long bits of dialogue. While the Tales of series also incorporates skits, they’re shorter and more to the point. The bond episodes in Scarlet Nexus were significantly longer and I often found myself putting my controller down for a good half hour as the characters spoke to each other in stilted cutscenes that were reminiscent of manga panels.

That’s not to say that it’s bad (I’m currently playing NEO: The World Ends With You and it seems much better implemented there), but it seemed tired and forced in Scarlet Nexus because of the art style and the aesthetic it was going for.

But getting to know the other team members also shed a bit of light in regards to the wider world. It did seem a little questionable that only three cities were founded after two thousand years (even with attacks from Others) but I dared not challenge it too much. 

In particular, I liked how lazy Arashi was, even though she served as the PR girl for the OSF. Hanabi was cute, although she almost definitely needed to confess her feelings to Yuito. Tsugumi’s love for plants was refreshing, if a little cliched. Kyoka actually subverted a lot of my initial expectations as the ‘mother’ of the group. Gemma was wholesome. Luka had understandable fears. Shiden is the biggest jerk ever and really needs to let go of his inferiority complex. And Kagero...well...you might have been a hidden assassin with a lot of baggage, but you are still one shifty invisible rogue that has captured my heart.

All in all, there’s a lot to love about Scarlet Nexus even if the plot can seem a bit hit or miss. There’s a reason why I used a quote from Destiny and it’s because the narrative very much hearkens back to that outrageous line. I was surprised that nobody in the localisation squad actually made a reference. Still, with solid combat and a variety of abilities to use, the game was fun and contained. No open-worlds here (although I do think more could have been done with the powers). 

As a side note, I think it’s very interesting how the only closed time loop that was in the game was Kasane rescuing little Yuito.

[tf2-headcanons-and-scenarios]

A/N: Trigger warning ahead. Keep in mind I’m trying to keep accurate to the attitudes of the past, including the degradation of women and girls. I am truely sorry if anything triggers something unwelcoming!

This story was made as a culmination of my despair over the death of Rick May, the man who voiced Soldier for 13 years (since 2007), who had recently died to COVID-19 almost a week ago. In a way, this is my tribute to him.

For the first time in a couple of months, you were finally going to visit your Soldier, and you couldn’t be happier about it. Being away from the team sucked majorly for you, though you thanked Miss Pauling for helping you keep in contact with them, especially Soldier. You were able to recognise the words of the patriotic American in Medic’s handwriting, considering the fact that Soldier did not know how to write.

You pulled out a small toy badge from the pack, and you almost instantly smiled at the small thing. The colour had worn away over time but its pin was mostly in mint condition.

—————————————

“THIS IS WAR MAGGOTS! THOSE GERMAN BASTARDS WILL PAY FOR FIGHTING AGAINST AMERICA!”

The shrill voice of a young and very loud boy erupted from the playground as a very large group of young boys began inventing an unrealistic reconstruction of a WW1 battlezone, much to the annoyance of a smaller group of girls who had been in the same area first.

You watched with gleeful curiosity at the boys who were rolling around in the dirt and shooting each other with stick-rifles and throwing water balloons as grenades. You wanted to join in on their fun, even if you had been denied playing with them in the past. The girls you were with began leaving, calling for your attention as you snapped back to reality after watching the makeshift battlezone for a while.

“Hey [y/n], are you coming with us or not?”

“I, um...might stick around and watch for a while longer...just to see if there is anything to laugh about later!”

“Whatever you desire, later [y/b/n]~”

They walked away from you laughing, but you didn’t care too much about it...if you didn’t think about it too much. Making sure the girls were as far away as possible, you carefully began to approach the group to ask if you can join. You had managed to avoid getting hit until a boy accidentally slammed into you, knocking you to the ground. Once your senses fixed themselves, you were hauled onto your feet by a few other boys who noticed you after your collision.

“Well well well lads, what do we have here?”

“What’s a girl like you doing over here away from the other girls?”

“I...I wanted to come and play with you...”

“Girls can’t play war, they play gross stuff like House or something!”

“Hey, here’s an idea: take off ya shorts and lift up ya skirt completely, then we’ll let you play.”

“W-what, no! That’s gross!”

“Then cry back to the girls dollface, you won’t get to play with us unless you lift your skirt up sissy!”

They began ‘encouraging’ you to do what they had asked in exchange for letting you play with them, even taunting you with all the other girls who did what they wanted and how much fun those girls had playing with them. You began to feel too overwhelmed with the demands as tears began to form, earning a laugh from the group.

“THAT IS ENOUGH FROM YOU LADIES!”

That same loud voice that you heard from earlier erupted through the group, catching your attention as well. A small boy with a pot over his head and a plastic pin badge on his shirt shoved his way through the crowd with a scowl on his face and turned to face the boys.

“This is NOT a place where you can hook up with girls! THIS IS WAR! There is no time for making goo-goo eyes and asking for favours from women, there is time only to fight and rescue the innocent from the enemy!”

“Get your head out of the fucking clouds Doe, this is make-believe idiot.”

“If she wants to play she CAN PLAY!”

“Not until she gives us what we want, she’s nothing but a coward!”

“NONSENSE! This, uh...what’s your name?”

“[y-y/n]..?” You stuttered in response, confused and upset.

“This young lady [y/n] is an innocent caught up in the War, and it is my duty as an American soldier to rescue the innocent!”

He struggled to pick you up bridal style, screaming as he ran off with you in his arms as the boys began to slowly go back to their game, disinterested in both you and your ‘rescuer’.

Once he ran far from the game, he set you on your feet and sat down to catch his breath. You hadn’t noticed your tears still falling from your face until he pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket and offered it to you.

“Mommy says it’s the right thing to do when a girl is sad.”

You took the handkerchief and wiped your tears away, shaking out a ‘thank you’ and ‘I’m sorry’ from your lips as you tried to calm down. You then found him standing in front of you with his toy badge in his hand, which had been extended towards you.

“B-but it’s yours, isn’t it?”

“You can have it for being very brave against those dogs Miss [y/n]. I’ve never seen a girl not pull her skirt up before in order to play with us. Good soldiers deserve medals!”

You wipes more tears away and gently took the toy badge from his hand, looking at it with curious eyes plagued with puffiness and tears. You looked back to the boy to see his eyes, now uncovered, who was grinning the biggest grin.

“I don’t like seeing girls sad because of other soldiers, that’s not the American way as my daddy says. If they’re being bullies to you again, count on American Army veteran Jane Doe to save the day every time!~”

———————————

Tears had streamed down your face as you looked back onto that memory. It had been the only time you had met Soldier outside of mercenary work, but it had been a memory you kept with you for so long; a memory that made you almost instantly recognise that same boy years later as a grown man. The same man you fell in love with. The same man you had wanted to see for months on end.

The van stopped as you had begun to wipe your tears away after letting them fall onto your backpack. Pinning the badge onto your shirt, you tidied up your hair and exited out of the vehicle without the pack, following Sniper through a large field filled with gravestones of the dead. You remembered burying your boyfriend’s mentor in this very same field, and how upset he had been when that day came.

If only Soldier could know how heartbroken you were when you were forced to miss his own funeral.

——————————

It had been a couple of weeks since you heard anything from Soldier directly. You only got the odd update from Demoman once a week, at least up until 2 weeks ago when the letters stopped. Your worry had done nothing to ease your mind as your thoughts plagued on the virus spreading throughout the Doublecross area, where your team was assigned merely 3 months ago. Your worry had been increasing tenfold when you received the news that 5 members of the team got infected, and battles were erupting again in Doublecross between both teams stationed there.

You wanted to do nothing more than to travel to Doublecross and be there for him, but mercenary work forced you away, and your requests for shore leave were always denied. All you could do was hope and pray and beg to whoever was out there to keep them all safe; to keep Soldier safe. The plastic badge that stayed on you 24/7 was your only source of comfort, though it did little to stop the tears that had fallen from sheer worry and panic.

You awaited for Miss Pauling to arrive with the week’s batch of letters, your current team waiting alongside with you. Miss Pauling arrived eventually and gave them all what they had wanted, leaving you with nothing more than an ever-growing worry for another week.

“Miss [l/n], I have something for you here.”

Your head perked up to those 6 words you so desperately longed hear for weeks. Getting up with hope in your eyes, you rushed over to Miss Pauling, only to have your worry return when you saw her eyes had been slightly red from...crying?

“M-Miss Pauling...?”

She straightened her posture and took out a folded document from her jacket pocket. Clearing her throat, she began reading it.

“Miss [y/n] [l/n], it has come to my attention that you had been anxious to hear of RED Soldier, Jane Doe, for weeks already. I am afraid to inform you that by the time this letter reaches you his funeral was held but yesterday.

As the only closest relative to Mister Doe as his beloved, I hereby inform you that RED Soldier Jane Doe has died in the line of duty 8 days ago.

Attached to this letter is the contents of a small ring box he had hidden in his room that was reserved for you. His personal things, split between yourself and your former team’s Demoman, will be brought to you at a later date for you to do what you please with them.

My condolences,

Administrator.”

You couldn’t believe your ears. You grabbed and re-read the letter over and over again, Miss Pauling tapping your shoulder to give you the mentioned ring box. Opening it, you saw a cheap-looking ring that was just too big for your ring finger. That broke you completely, as you collapsed in tears onto the floor, Miss Pauling kneeling beside you and holding you close in comfort.

——————————

You and Sniper approached a gravestone that had a box of scrumpy beside it. Looks like Demoman had recently been here. Sniper patted you on the shoulder before leaving you to your devices. You placed a bouquet of Soldier’s favourite flowers onto the dirt below and you sat down in front of the gravestone, your hands toying with the toy badge still pinned to your shirt, and the engagement ring that hung from a silver chain.

“...hey there Jane, I’m home at last...! I have a lot to talk to you about, so you’ll be here for a while...”

——————————————

Soldier sat with his back against his own gravestone, tears falling from his eyes as he listened to your stories and memories, memories he was able to share with you.

If there was one thing he hated about being dead, it was the fact he had been given permission to die before he got the chance to live a life with you.

[queer-bluejay]

hey everybody. i haven’t been Truly Active on tumblr in a hot minute -- here and there I’ve popped in with a reblog, but I haven’t really said anything, and frankly, I’m unsure if anybody who follows me is still active themselves.

If yall are interested in keeping up with me, you can find me on instagram @queer_bluejay. It’s public for the time being, but I might make it a private insta again if I get too many weird messages from cis men. Oh, the way cis men are -- !

Anyways, if anyone is here to hear it, I thought I would update yall on a few things.

Tw’s for mention of death and discussion of mental health.

In October 2020, I got married to my amazing and beautiful and kind and loving wife. We had a small ceremony in an Airbnb just outside of town with our quarantine pod. (My marriage, however, does not make me monogamous. I am still happily polyamorous. Our love for each other does not negate our love for other people, and vice versa.)

When I was 18, I was in an abusive relationship for about 6 months. I’ve talked about it some before on this blog. During that time, and in the immediate aftermath as I grappled with recovery, I couldn’t imagine that I would ever be in a loving romantic relationship, and frankly, even my platonic relationships were strained at best. Shortly after, my close friend, Chris, passed away. He had been sick for some time. It wasn’t a surprise, but grief has no rules in how it hits, and it hit me hard.

When I met my now wife, I was a wreck. I reached out to a handful of old close friends, but they weren’t in any better of a situation to support me. I vividly remember, in the first few months of our relationship, having dramatic breakdowns on her couch, some lasting all night long. I don’t have a lot of other clear memories of this time, but I do know that the unconditional love and support I received from her changed my life.

My wife is not and was not a miracle worker. She did not cure my mental instability. I am not cured -- but I have learned to live with myself, and my mental health, and the trauma and grief I have endured and continue to endure. I have learned that it is okay to depend on those who love you. I have accepted that there is no shame in seeking help when you need it. I have a whole chosen family now who is ready to be there for me, and who I am ready to be there for.

Earlier this month, my sister-in-law passed away from Covid-19. I can’t say the grief has been easy. I had feelings about Chris that I thought I had long moved past. I miss my sister-in-law. I am angry that my federal and local government neglected to care for its citizens. I am heartbroken that we have to wait until February 12th for her memorial, almost a month after her death, because mortuaries and cemeteries in our area are so overwhelmed with the dead.

However -- I have a chosen family that loves me, and has come together to care for my wife and I. Life will continue to have it’s ups and it’s downs, but I am going to be okay. And that is something that, growing up as a queer teenager in an abusive home, being in an abusive relationship, that I never would have believed -- but I believe it now. I am going to be okay.

I revisited an old secret sideblog of mine the other day, from when I was in high school, and that I continued as I struggled with trauma throughout my life. I can see a lost and sad and lonely kid in those posts of mine. He didn’t think he was going to be okay.

So I just want to tell the lost and sad and lonely queer teenagers and young adults out there that I love them, and that someday, they are going to be okay. Life will always have its ups and its downs, and some of those downs will feel the like the lowest they have ever been, but you’re going to be okay.

[letterboxd]

Dream Chasers.

Mark Harris and Alicia Malone—two of the hosts of this month’s TCM Film Festival—tell Jack Moulton about Nichols and May, West Side Story, classic lockdown discoveries, and the films that make you feel like everything has changed when you walk out of that cinema.

For a second year in a row due to the Covid-19 pandemic, the TCM Classic Film Festival is being hosted virtually. Its program screens across TCM and HBO Max from May 6 to May 9. The festival, which began in 2010, was held at Grauman’s Chinese Theater and the nearby Egyptian Theater in Hollywood, a move designed to allow classic movie fans to retread the footsteps of glitzy premieres from the glamorous past.

Ahead of Steven Spielberg’s upcoming remake, the festival opens with West Side Story’s 60th anniversary screening, featuring new and exclusive interviews by living legends Rita Moreno, George Chakiris and Russ Tamblyn. The complete festival lineup includes classic programming and talent highlights, from Michael Douglas introducing his Best Picture-winning One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest to Scorsese on Goodfellas, to a comedian-heavy table read of Edward D. Wood Jr.’s infamously bad Plan 9 From Outer Space.

Journalist and author Mark Harris, who published the biography Mike Nichols: A Life earlier this year, is presenting the 1996 American Masters documentary Nichols and May: Take Two, covering the Oscar-winning director’s legendary comic partnership with Elaine May. It features iconic sketches that will recontextualize the way you think about Nichols if you thought his career started with Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? and The Graduate.

TCM host, feminist cinema expert, Australian expat and Letterboxd member Alicia Malone is also a presenter at this year’s festival. (She admits she’s slacking on her Letterboxd logging this year, but used it to track her viewings over lockdown, topping over 500 films.) Neither Harris nor Malone have been able to go to the cinema since they closed over a year ago, but both are eager to return to their local arthouses in Maine and the Upper West Side of Manhattan as soon as they’re ready.

We caught up with Harris and Malone shortly before the festival commenced for a classic edition of the Letterboxd Life in Film.

‘The Poseidon Adventure’ (1972).

What’s your fondest memory of seeing a film in the cinema? Mark Harris: This is embarrassing, but for me it’s The Poseidon Adventure. At the time, my parents were a bit stricter than other parents so the other kids were already getting to see so-called ‘adult’ movies. The Poseidon Adventure was the first ‘not-kids’ movie that I ever got to see in a theater and at the age of eight, I immediately thought ‘well, clearly this is the best movie of all-time’. Everything in it was new information to me, such as how adults talked to each other and Stella Stevens playing a prostitute—I had no idea what that was. I found it so scary, I believed everything I saw on the screen. The joy of taking in something I hadn’t seen before has never left me.

Alicia Malone: It would probably be seeing Amélie. I was living in Canberra but my older sister had moved to Sydney, which to me was the big smoke, I really wanted to live there when I grew up. I got to visit her by myself and stay in her flat which she was renting by herself and it seemed so cool. She took me to the local arthouse cinema where Amélie was playing and I was so swept away. I know that film gets a bad rap now for being overly sentimental and quirky, but I just felt like I was being seen. I had such a kinship with the character of Amélie because she’s a dreamer, always in her own head and that’s how I was. I was always comparing my life to movies and playing movie scenes in my head. I remember walking out of that cinema and it felt like everything had changed—the color was brighter, it was special.

MH: We have to talk Turner into an Amélie-Poseidon Adventure double-feature!

AM: What a double! That would be amazing.

John Garfield and Ida Lupino in ‘The Sea Wolf’ (1941).

Which classic films that you discovered during lockdown had a major impact on you? MH: I wanted to dive into some directors that I really didn’t know well so I started watching all the Luchino Visconti movies, because Italian cinema is not my strongest area. That was an incredibly rewarding experience. I also saw the big seven-hour Russian War and Peace, which completely blew my mind. Those were probably my big pandemic discoveries.

AM: Something I really loved was getting to do the TCM Star of the Month for John Garfield because he’s such an interesting character and was a pre-cursor to Marlon Brando, Robert De Niro and those types of method actors. I’d seen him in various films—such as The Postman Always Rings Twice—but I’d never sat down to watch a lot of his filmography and learn more about his personal story. To see films like The Sea Wolf and Body and Soul, I really gained a newfound respect for him as an actor. You can see some of the beginnings of that kind of tough-guy, everyday-man archetype with a brilliant actor putting his emotions right there on his sleeve.

MH: I should also say that the Women Make Movies Festival was huge for me. All those movies are on my DVR and I’m still going through them and discovering them. I recorded everything and that was and continues to be a gigantic education for me.

AM: Yes! Thanks for that reminder. That was such a fulfilling experience to get to be one of the hosts on that with Jacqueline Stewart. What was so brilliant about Mark Cousins’ documentary is that there are so many clips of films that you think how have we not seen this? How are we not studying this film? How do we not know about this particular filmmaker?

Meryl Streep and Jack Nicholson in ‘Heartburn’ (1986).

If you could only pick one, which is the most overlooked film by Mike Nichols? MH: The most under-appreciated film to me is Heartburn. That was a real rediscovery when I was working on the book. I remember liking it, but I didn’t remember how sharp the performances were, how funny the comedy was, and the really acute social observations. I was so surprised when I was coming across the reviews—almost all of which were by men—and all of them said some version of “Why is he wasting his time with this? Why would he tell this woman’s story? Why doesn’t he tell the other half of the story?” Surely no-one would leave this character unless she gave him a good reason to leave! It was really shocking to me how dismissive and contemptuous a lot of the critical reaction was. I’m so happy that I’ve gotten to stick Heartburn under a lot of people’s noses because it’s a movie they seem to be really liking once they find it.

AM: I’m obviously not as deep into his filmography as Mark is, but I have to agree that Heartburn is a film that I can’t believe has been so overlooked. I came to that movie through Nora Ephron, who I just adore. [Heartburn is adapted from a semi-autobiographical novel by Ephron.] I rewatched it recently and I was blown away by it. Of course, Meryl Streep is amazing, but just getting to be in those characters’ worlds again and watching it after I had listened to the audiobook—which features the voice of Meryl Streep—about a year ago added a whole new experience. I loved how in her book how she has all these recipes dotted through it that you see in the movie as well.

MH: That’s one of the great audiobook readings of all time. It’s great to listen to [Streep] do that.

John Cassavetes and Peter Falk in ‘Mikey and Nicky’ (1976).

Where do you recommend film lovers start with Elaine May? MH: It’s only a four-movie body of work as a director so I think it’s perfectly fine to go in chronological order. A New Leaf is fantastic and feels 100 percent her. You really get a great deal of her sensibility in that movie. I would just start there and go to The Heartbreak Kid and then to Mikey and Nicky, which is not the place to start but is a fascinating movie, and then you’ll be ready for Ishtar.

AM: See, I would say Mikey and Nicky straight out of the gate.

MH: Really?

AM: I love subverting expectations of what a female director can do and that is such a masculine movie. It’s a film that you wouldn’t expect for a female director to make. I love the back and forth, the rapport between [Cassavetes and Falk]. I find it really compelling and exciting every time I see it. So I say, go hard, go in with Mikey and Nicky then, yeah, A New Leaf and The Heartbreak Kid, but maybe skip Ishtar.

Iconic comedy duo Elaine May and Mike Nichols.

Thinking of Nichols fleeing to New York City from Germany, and Alicia moving to Hollywood from Australia, which ‘American Dream’ film resonates with you the most? AM: This answer is going to sound quite cheesy since it was a recent film: La La Land. I understand all the criticism about it, I agree with it, but I don’t care. I feel like it was made for me as a redhead in Hollywood, chasing her dream, and coming up against all the obstacles. I also love Singin’ in the Rain, which I know is not necessarily strictly about the American Dream but is about Hollywood in general. That is a film that really started the idea of moving to Hollywood as a young kid. It’s the idea of a magical place where you could do anything and make your dreams come true and have dignity—always dignity.

MH: This time I’m going to go hard and dark and say the first title that occurred to me, which is The Godfather: Part II. It’s a great immigrant story, though it’s a strange version of the American Dream. The whole saga is about coming to America, becoming an American, and deciding what American values are.

AM: I should say that during our TCM Film Festival on HBO Max, we have a section on immigrant stories. We have America, America, which is a great one by Elia Kazan, and Stranger Than Paradise, which I would recommend as well. It’s a warped view of the American Dream but I love the way they think they get rich and all their dreams can come true. Also Black Legion, which is a darker version of the immigrant story with Humphrey Bogart going to the darker side of ‘foreigners should not take American jobs’.

MH: I’ll just throw in a plug for another Mike Nichols movie, Working Girl. He really saw that as an immigrant story—the first shot is of the Statue of Liberty, even though they’re [emigrating] from Staten Island! I think Mike thought it was as distant of a land as the old country, I’m not sure he spent a lot of time on Staten Island.

Katharine Hepburn in ‘Woman of the Year’ (1942).

What are some of your other problematic faves? The classics we acknowledge have not aged well, but you love anyway. AM: I think My Fair Lady is one of those. I’m a sucker for make-over movies despite all of their problematic ways of showing how women need to change if you don’t fit into the mold and you should sand down all your edges. But I get worked up in the whole transformation myth and making your life better. Even though it’s got Audrey Hepburn and you want to see Julie Andrews in that role, My Fair Lady is still one that I enjoy and I can see all of the problems with it.

Another one, that we featured during our Reframed series on TCM, was Woman of the Year, which is a great example of one of those women’s pictures that, as Professor Jeanine Basinger has pointed out, is so empowering for most of the movie and then in the last five minutes it undoes everything. It’s still a great film to watch when you want to get ahead of feminism and see Katharine Hepburn in a wonderful role, but you just have to ignore the breakfast scene at the end.

MH: I was just talking the other day to some people about the movie Network, which is one of my all-time favorite movies, but if you look hard at Network, it’s very possible to read that as a story about a woman who can’t be a professional in a workplace without hollowing herself out and becoming sort of less-than-human. [Diana Christensen] is talked about terribly by the other characters and you’re supposed to learn a hard lesson about what a monster an ambitious woman can become and that does not hold up well. It’s also a movie that features some of the wittiest dialogue and some of the greatest performances of any movie of the 1970s and I’m always going to love it for that.

AM: That’s such a trope, isn’t it? The ice-cold career woman.

MH: Right, and whoever did it better than…

AM, MH: Faye Dunaway!

Alicia Malone, Mark Harris.

Which coming-of-age movie character did you find the most relatable? AM: For me, it’s Velvet Brown played by Elizabeth Taylor in National Velvet. I watched that over and over as a child when I was obsessed with horses. It was so inspiring as a young girl to see another young girl chasing her dreams—pretending she’s a boy that doesn’t speak English to win the Grand National—particularly at the time when I grew up in the 1980s, when so many of those films for kids were about young boys achieving their dreams.

MH: Haven’t seen it in a long time, but the Peter Yates movie Breaking Away meant a lot to me when I was a kid. The idea of chasing something that means something to you but trying to reconcile what your parents thought about it, and how to balance your own dreams with the expectations other people had for you. I think that’s a really lovely movie.

I still think about those performances by Dennis Christopher, Dennis Quaid, Daniel Stern and Jackie Earl Haley, and of course Barbara Barrie and Paul Dooley as the parents. That movie landed right in my heart the first time I saw it. I’m almost afraid to go back now, I don’t want it to have turned into one of my problematic faves! I want it to be one of my faves.

If we could gift every Letterboxd member two hours of HBO Max to discover one film from this year’s TCM Classic Film Festival lineup, which film would you want it to be? (My pick is Bless Their Little Hearts.) AM: A film that I just adore is Cléo From 5 to 7 by Agnès Varda. She was working in the French New Wave and arguably made the first movie ever in the French New Wave. It’s one of those great movies that is close to real time as possible—it should be Cléo From 5 to 6:30 really, because it’s an hour and a half. It’s so inventively shot and edited. I’ve done the walk that she did in Paris, I’ve tried to map that out and copy Cléo. I want more people to see it and discover it.

MH: My husband [playwright and screenwriter Tony Kushner] recently finished writing a new version of West Side Story for Steven Spielberg that’s going to come out at the end of the year. I think I would like to gift everybody the first version of West Side Story, which opens the festival, because you have to start there. It’s a beautiful movie and I think it’s a really instructive thing to see how this story was told in 1961 versus how it’s going to be told in 2021. Also, it’s two-and-a-half hours so if we’re only gifting people two hours… they’re not going to see the ending and they’re going to have to go to the new one to find out what happens!

Related content

Follow Mark Harris, Alicia Malone and TCM on Twitter for updates on TCM Classic Film Festival 2021

Watch the TCMFF West Side Story cast reunion, May 6 at 6pm ET

A Letterboxd list of all the films mentioned in this interview

Follow Festiville for all Letterboxd festival coverage

Follow Jack on Letterboxd

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior 5/7/21: WRATH OF MAN, HERE TODAY, THE UNTHINKABLE, MONSTER, THE WATER MAN and More

It’s a new month, and I guess going by previous years pre-COVID, this weekend would normally be the start of summer. This year, we’re instead getting a summer with a lot of movies that would normally be dumped into April or February or some other uneventful month. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t or won’t be any good movies, but really, there’s nothing that feels like a summer movie until A Quiet Place Part II and Disney’s Cruella open on Memorial Day weekend.

There’s been lots of great developments, though, including the Alamo Drafthouse in Brooklyn reopening this Friday and then in a few short weeks, theaters may be allowed to be open with no capacity rules although social distancing and masks will probably still be in place. Believe me, it’s been a confusing week as the city that got used to being on the backburner when it comes to reopenings, especially with movie theaters, is now dealing with arguing politicians competing to see who could throw open the then most doors fastest. It’s actually pretty embarrassing.

That aside, this week’s The Weekend Warrior column is brought to you by the new album “Coral Island” from Liverpool band The Coral, which I’ve decided to listen to on loop until I finish this column, because it’s taking me so long to get through it. (Eventually, I switched to Teenage Fanclub’s “Endless Arcade,” since I hadn’t had a chance to listen to it yet…. And to an old standby, Royal Blood, with their own excellent new album, “Typhoons.” At least the record business seems to know it’s the summer!)

Before we get to this week’s new movies, a couple tidbits. First of all, I’m thrilled that my friends Larissa Lam and Baldwin Chiu’s documentary FAR EAST DEEP SOUTH can finally be seen by the entire world, or at least the United States. It debuted on PBS World Channel on Tuesday night as part of the “America ReFramed” series, but for the entire month of May until June 3, you can watch it On Demand HERE, and that is huge! (There will be other ways to see it that you can read about here.)

This is an amazing MUST-SEE doc that looks into the little-known Chinese communities that took root in Mississippi in the early 20th Century and how they became such a huge part of that area with their markets, also bonding with the African-American communities that were similarly dealing with racism from the typically white post-Civil War South. It’s not just a history lesson, and it’s an incredibly moving story about a family trying to find its roots in the most unexpected places. There was a good reason why the couple’s short “Finding Cleveland” won the Oxford Film Festival while I was on the jury that year, and Far East Deep South similarly won an award there last year after its World Premiere at Cinequest was almost scuppered by COVID. It’s amazing how much more relevant and important this film has become since I first saw it last year, since both Asians and African-Americans are dealing with serious racial issues, and this movie shows that more than anything, they should be working to boost each other rather than fighting. Do check it out On Demand this month if you get a chance!

Another musician making movies is Mr. Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters. I mentioned his documentary WHAT DRIVES US last week, but I actually only got to watch it on Thursday, and like his previous film Studio City and HBO mini-series, Sonic Highways, it’s a fantastic look at the music biz, this time through a variety of artists who began their careers by piling into vans and driving around the country. That is, except Lars Ulrich from Metallica, who mentions that the band was never so small or indie that they didn’t have a bus. But Grohl has used his vast connections to bring in a lot of great musicians including The Edge from U2, Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and more, making this a very entertaining movie both for fans of the various bands but also live music fans in general. I gotta admit that as much as I loved What Drives Us, it did bring me down a bit since it’s been almost 14 months since I’ve seen any live music, and I really miss it. This is now streaming on The Coda Collection, which you can subscribe to through Amazon Prime Video.

Guy Ritchie is back with his latest movie, WRATH OF MAN (Miramax/MGM), which reunites him with Jason Statham for the first time since 2007’s Revolver, I believe. Statham plays the enigmatic Paul “H” Hill who works at cash truck company Fortico, responsible for moving hundreds of million dollars around Los Angeles each week. Fortico has recently been hit by a lethal robbery, and H’s team soon learn that there’s a lot more to their new coworker, who happens to be looking for revenge against the man who murdered his son.

(Unfortunately, reviews for the movie are embargoed until Thursday at 6pm, so I can’t tell you whether it’s any good or not. Until Thursday night. Sorry!)

But I will talk about the movie’s box office prospects, because why not? Ritchie’s last movie, The Gentlemen, opened in January 2020, during the “before times,” with $10.6 million, but that was more of a classic Ritchie ensemble crime-comedy. Wrath of Man is more of the type of movie Statham has been making over the past few years, a cross between a revenge thriller and a heist flick. In fact, Statham has done a pretty good job creating his own brand through a variety of action-thrillers as well as a number of franchises including “The Transporter” movies, “The Expendables,” and eventually joining the “Fast and the Furious” franchise as Deckard Shaw with Furious 7 in 2017. Statham then went off to make Hobbs and Shaw with Dwayne Johnson, which didn’t do bad with $174 million. Before that, Statham starred in The Meg, a summer shark attack movie that grossed $145 million. Statham going back to help his old mate i.e. the director that gave Statham his start is pretty huge.

But as I said earlier, those were all in the “before times” and with the box office the way it is, it’s hard to imagine that the exciting reunion of Statham and Ritchie can open with more than $10 million but maybe closer to $8 million, because MGM/UA just doesn’t have the marketing clout of a Warner Bros. or Universal. Even so, that should be enough to be #1 this weekend as both Mortal Kombat and Demon Slayer continue to fall away. Unfortunately, if the movie *is* any good -- and I can’t tell you one way or another -- then by the time reviews hit, people will already have other plans for the weekend than to go see the movie. So yeah, that’s pretty dumb on the part of MGM, huh?

UPDATE: MGM is putting the movie into 2,876 theaters and maybe I'm being overly optimistic, because, as you'll read below, the movie IS pretty good and reviews have remained positive with the American reviews rolling in last night, still at 70% Fresh at this writing. Maybe that'll help the movie do a little better, maybe as much as $9 million, although I'll probably owe MGM an apology if it cracks $10 million, and I don't think it will.

Mini-Review: If you’ve seen the trailer for Wrath of Man, you might go into Guy Ritchie’s latest thinking you know what to expect, because it’s sure being sold as another typical Jason Statham revenge thriller. Don’t be fooled by the marketing, the movie really is Ritchie’s chance to make his own version of Heat, an L.A. heist movie that owes as much to Rashomon as another movie being released this week.

Wrath of Man begins with the heist of an armored truck that turns deadly with the wanton murder of a couple guards. From there, you might think we know where things are going when Statham’s “H” company whose truck was hit, and on his first day, he stops a similar heist by killing the truck’s attackers. H is immediately the hero of the company, although he still has quite a few suspicious coworkers and the feeling is quite mutual. Ritchie’s film then slips into the second episodic chapter which goes back five months to that initial heist where we learn that Statham’s son was killed by being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I don’t want to go too much deeper into how the movie and story play out, because like The Gentlemen and some of Ritchie’s more intricate films, there’s a lot that purposefully isn’t made very apparent at the beginning. To many, this movie will be seen as even more macho than most of Ritchie's films, to the point where even the only woman guard, Dana, being just as macho as the men. As the movie begins, there’s a lot of joke-cracking and crotch-grabbing, all while Statham’s character silently observes and only acts when necessary.

The film’s shift to more of a classic Ritchie ensemble does slowly take place, but by the third chapter, it shifts to the group perpetrating the cash truck heists with an “inside person,” taking the movie to yet another place that makes it more obvious that this is Ritchie’s attempt at delving into the L.A. heist genre that other filmmakers have done so well.

Oddly, Statham doesn’t have too many lines, acting almost like a Terminator in his determination to right wrongs, but as always, Ritchie puts together a fantastic ensemble cast including a number of great American character actors who we rarely get to see in such great roles. I was particularly impressed with Jeffrey Donovan, who has appeared in a number of otherwise forgettable crime films this past year. The same can be said for Holt McCallany as H’s truck driver “Bullet,” but Ritchie also cast the likes of Josh Hartnett and Scott Eastwood in smaller yet still significant supporting roles, all of whom become more interesting as you start figuring out who all the players are.

Like I said, the movie is fairly macho and the few women play very small roles, but it’s how things are set-up in the first few acts to then change course and build to an absolutely amazing third act that will undoubtedly bear comparisons to Heat. And yet Wrath of Man (which is actually based on a little-seen French crime-thriller) does branch away from some of Ritchie’s standards, first of all by being far darker and even more violent with any of the wisecracking humor that pervades a lot of Ritchie’s work to counterbalance such violence disappearing once the flashbacks begin. It’s all punctuated by a fantastically tense score by Christopher Benstead, which seems a bit much at first but eventually settles into the perfect pace and tone for the action.

Despite disappearing for a good chunk of the movie, Statham is still great, basically killing everyone as his characters are wont to do, but watching how all of the different ideas come together leads to such a satisfying conclusion that one hopes those who might be put off, thinking they know where it's going due to the somewhat pathetic and obvious marketing will give it a chance to see how Ritchie has changed gears as effortlessly as he did with Aladdin a few years back.

Rating: 7.5/10

After even a longer time since he directed a movie, Billy Crystal once again takes the helm for HERE TODAY (Sony/Stage6), a movie in which he plays comedy writer Charlie Burns, whose chance encounter with Tiffany Haddish’s lounge singer, Emma Payge, leads to an unlikely friendship, as he struggles with early stage dementia.

I’ve known about this movie for over a year now, and I was pretty excited to finally get to see it, since I was such a fan of the other movies Crystal has directed, 1992’s Mr. Saturday Night and 1995’s Forget Paris, and it’s just amazing to me that he hasn’t directed a movie since.

At first, it seems like it’s the type of meet-cute we’ve seen so much in Crystal’s past filmography, but his pairing with Haddish isn’t something that might work on paper, but in fact, their comic styles mesh so perfectly together that it’s amazing that no one thought of putting them together before.

Crystal wrote the film with comic Alan Zweibel, who adapted it from his own short story “The Prize,” which refers to Haddish’s character winning Charlie in an auction for a lunch. Actually, her ex won the lunch, and she decided to use it because… free lunch! It’s a pretty simple set-up but one that allows the filmmakers to explore some of the odder things that happen in life.

Much of the movie’s humor plays upon the differences between the two characters, and how unexpected their friendship is. I can totally relate, because I have a lot of good long-time friends who most people might never expect us to be friends, but Crystal, Zweibel and Haddish pick up on that and create a movie that’s very funny but has enough other characters around the duo toa allow their characters to show how they’re just really nice people. We see that with how Charlie takes a young writer at his late night show under his wing or how Emma livens up the bat mitzvah of Charlie’s granddaughter. Oh yeah, and Haddish sings. She actually has a number of great performances in the movie, and seriously, anyone who watches this movie is gonna wanna see a smart filmmaker put Haddish in a musical immediately.

The film also acts as a truly touching tribute to Crystal’s friend, the late Robin WIlliams, who was diagnosed with the exact same type of dementia after his suicide death, and knowing that fact, makes the film even more poignant. More importantly, it doesn’t use Charlie’s condition for laughs, and for that alone, I feel like this is ten times better than that overrated Oscar winner The Father.

Here Today’s biggest problems come in the third act when it feels like the movie is starting to over-extend its welcome, even going into somewhat expected places, but it recovers from that rough third act to land a really nice ending. Crystal has always proven himself to be a really strong mainstream filmmaker (ala Rob Reiner and others) who makes crowd-pleasing movies, and it’s so nice seeing him going behind the camera for a movie that’s obviously very personal but also highly relatable.

As far as box office, I certainly have high hopes that Crystal still has an older audience of fans who might want to see him on the big screen again. I’m just not sure if this will be in more than 1,000 theaters, and though I’ve seen quite a bit of marketing, I just haven’t seen Crystal or Haddish do nearly as much in terms of getting out there that would be necessary to reach an audience that might want to venture out into movie theaters to see the movie vs. waiting until it’s on cable/streaming. There’s also Tiffany Haddish’ fanbase, and there could be some benefit for the movie coming out the same week as her new CBS show “Kids Say the Darndest Things.”

I’d love to be optimistic with this making $4 to 5 million but it’s probably more likely to be closer to $3 million especially with capacity limits still in place for most theaters and the audience generally being older.

UPDATE: Maybe I was a little too optimistic, because I enjoyed the movie so much and it will probably be closer to $1 or 1.5 million since other reviews aren't as great.

Next, we have two movies finally being released many years after their festival premieres…

The Swedish apocalyptic thriller THE UNTHINKABLE (Magnet), directed by Victor Danell, is finally being released after playing genre fests in 2018 and 2019. It stars Christoffer Nordenrot as Alex, a young piano virtuoso who ran away from home due to his abusive father Bjorn (Jesper Barkselius). Years later, he returns home for his mother’s funeral after she’s killed in a terrorist attack on Sweden. At the same, there’s a virus that’s erasing people’s memories, but Alex is still in love with Anna (Lisa Henni), the girl he had a crush on when he left, and the three of them will have to help each other face all the horrible things hitting their home at the same time.

As I was watching this movie, a lot of it felt eerily familiar to me, but I couldn’t figure out why. The more I watched it, the more I realized that I actually HAD seen the movie before. Sure enough, I saw this movie over two years ago at the “What the Fest?!” in New York two years ago, and I honestly don’t remember loving it. Still, I decided to give it a fresh look, hoping to get more out of it on second viewing.

Some of the same things bothered me on this second viewing, because it’s really hard to figure out exactly what is going on and whether the horrific events are natural, man-made or a combination of both. For some time, we get so mired into Alex’s lame relationship with Anna, and when he returns home, his conspiracy theory-driven father is busy protecting a bunker that’s being invaded by foreign military troops he thinks are Russians. We cut between these two disparate scenarios while sometimes returning to the capital of Sweden and throwing in a few big set pieces. It’s so disjointed that you feel like you’re watching a lot of random unrelated events, maybe a bit like last week’s About Endlessness -- maybe it’s a Swedish thing?

There are aspects of The Unthinkable that are quite commendable, particularly those action moments and how the mystery about what is happening develops as the film goes along. Eventually, the film does find a more consistent pace, and things start becoming a little clearer, which makes the final act better than much of what we’ve watched earlier. Even so, it’s still quite annoying how long it takes to figure out what’s going on, even on a second viewing, and for most people, that may already be far too frustrating to get through it.

Hitting Netflix on Friday over THREE years after it premiered at Sundance is music video director Anthony Mandler’s directorial debut, MONSTER (Netflix), based on the novel by Walter Dean Myers. It stars Kelvin Harrison Jr. (Waves) as Steve Harmon, a 17-year-old film student put in jail, accused of murder in a bodega robbery. His defense lawyer (Jennifer Ehle) is trying to help him be released, but he’s fighting against the odds of a judicial system that sees him as a “monster” because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I have to be honest that I did go to see this at Sundance the week it premiered, and for whatever reason, I just wasn’t feeling it, so I only really caught about twenty minutes of it. Watching it now with more time and a little less weary than I usually am towards the end of Sundance, I was able to appreciate Monster more for what it is. On the surface, it’s just about Steve’s case and how what really happened unfolds before our eyes and we learn more about those around Steve and how their influence may have pulled a smart and studious young man into the criminal world that now has him in prison with much more violent life-long criminals.

We already knew that Harrison was a great actor, but Monster shows us that he was already on his way to greatness with this movie that for whatever reason got buried even as it dealt with issues that have been in the headlines almost every day since this debuted.

Mandler takes an interesting approach, both non-linear and also with blatant nods to Kurosawa’s Rashomon, which is even cited by Steve’s teacher, played by Tim Blake Nelson. Jeffrey Wright and Jennifer Hudson are decent as Steve’s parents, but they’re generally smaller and non-showy roles compared to the moments between Harrison and Ehle. Much of the film takes place in the courtroom with flashbacks showing what happened through the viewpoint of whomever is on the stand, which eventually includes Steve himself.

The way Mandler handles the material may lean more on the artiness rather than something more mainstream -- Michael B. Jordan’s Just Mercy comes to mind -- but it’s just as powerful in showing how someone like Steve can be othered by society into being a criminal. Sure, there have been other handlings of this sort of material that I thought were better films, but if you know anyone who has ever had dealings with the “justice” system and know how unfair and horrible it can be even to the innocent, then Monster will certainly strike a chord.

Also hitting Netflix this week is the new series based on Mark Millar and Frank Quitely‘s comic books, JUPITER’S LEGACY (Netflix), another kind of twist on the superhero genre ala Amazon Prime Video’s series based on Warren Ellis and Darick Robertson’s The Boys. I love the comics, and I can’t wait to finally get around to seeing Netflix’s first adaptation of a Millarworld property.

David Oyelowo makes his directorial debut with THE WATER MAN (RLJEfilms), a movie about a young boy named Gunner Boon (Lonnie Chavis), whose mother (Rosario Dawson) is battling leukemia. In an effort to cure her, Guner goes off on a journey along with a teenage girl named Jo (Amiah Miller) to find the mythical Water Man, who can provide them with a magic token that might save Gunner’s mother’s life.

I’ve interviewed Oyelowo a few times before, and I really like him a lot, so I had really high hopes for him as a director since I feel he’s just a terrific actor. Unfortunately, the material here is just not strong enough that I think even a far more experienced filmmaker could make something out of it.

Set in PIne Hills, we meet Gunner, a bright kid who loves drawing comic books, but he has trouble connecting with his father (Oyelowo), so when he has an idea that might help his sick mother, he goes off with a head-strong teen named Jo, in search of the Water Man, a summertime adventure permeated by a lot of very bad low-budget visual effects.

Honestly, I’m not even sure where to begin with where The Water Man falters, because Oyelowo has such a great cast, including Alfred Molina and Maria Bello in tiny parts. The story is a problem, as is the writing, which is just so bland and dull, that there’s really nothing in Oyelowo’s direction or any of the performances that really can salvage it. Neither of the child actors have much charisma or personality, and even Dawson’s performance, which would normally be a showstopper is repeatedly lessened by the constant cutting back to the kids. (And as someone who beat leukemia myself, I’m never a fan when cancer is depicted in movies as a death sentence rather than just another hurdle in life that needs to be overcome.)

Oyelowo himself may be one of his generation’s best actors, but he brings so little to the role of Gunner’s father, maybe to not take away from his younger star, but it hurts that he doesn’t do more to create a stronger conflict by making the character more horrible to drive Gunner away. The actual Water Man doesn’t improve things when he finally shows up, essentially talking like a pirate but not even remotely paying off.

Honestly, The Water Man seems like such a misguided venture -- Exec. Produced by Oprah, no less -- and it might have been totally forgettable if the characters didn’t keep saying the title of the movie every five minutes.

Hitting theaters Friday after a festival run is Tran Quoc Bao’s action-comedy THE PAPER TIGERS (WELL GO USA), starring ALain Uy, Ron Yuan and Mikel Shannon Jenkins as martial artists once known as “the three tigers but now middle-aged men must set aside old grudges and dad duties to avenge the murder of their teacher. I’ve had a screener of this since last summer when it played at Fantasia Festival in Montreal, and I just never got around to watching it, but if I’m able to squeeze it in before the weekend, check back here for my review.

Streaming on Shudder this Friday is Ryan Kruger's South African comedy-thriller FRIED BARRY (Shudder), starring Gary Green as Barry, a violent street junkie who is abducted by aliens who take over his body in order to… well, actually… they do a lot of drugs, have a lot of sex and other craziness. It’s a pretty strange and bizarre movie that reminds me a little of movies like a lower-fi Under the Skin or Beyond the Black Rainbow, and much of it is driven by the insane and unique performance by Green and the odd characters he encounters that I think will find its fans for sure, but it will definitely be for a very select audience of genre festival fans, as this is by no means a mainstream genre film.

Speaking of which, another movie out this week which I wasn’t allowed to see in advance is Gia Coppola’s MAINSTREAM (IFC Films), starring Maya Hawke as a young woman seeking internet stardom by making YouTube videos with a charismatic stranger, played by Andrew Garfield, until “the dark side of viral celebrity threatens to ruin them both.” Yup, it’s one of THOSE movies. It also stars Nat Wolff, Jason Schwartzman and Johnny Knoxville, but I haven’t heard anything good about it, and I’m not sure my curiosity is piqued enough to spend any of my own personal money to check it out.

Hitting Amazon on Friday is the doc THE BOY FROM MEDELLIN (Amazon) from Matthew Heineman (City of Ghosts, Cartel Land), a portrait of musical superstar J. Balvin, as he prepares for a massive sold-out stadium show in his hometown of Medellin, Colombia, which is hindered by the growing civil unrest in the area.

Lots of other movies this week, but a few that i just wasn’t able to get to this week, including:

ABOVE SUSPICION (Lionsgate) INITIATION (Saban Films) ENFANT TERRIBLE (Dark Star Pictures) QUEEN MARIE (Samuel Goldwyn Films) SILO (Oscilloscope) CITIZEN PENN (Discovery+)

That’s it for this week. Next week, Chris Rock and Samuel L. Jackson star in SPIRAL: FROM THE BOOK OF SAW (Lionsgate) and Angelina Jolie returns for the thriller THOSE WHO WISH ME DEAD (New Line) and Timur Bekmambetov’s thriller, PROFILE (Focus Features). That’s right. This will be the first weekend in over a year where we’ll have three or maybe even four new wide releases.

[sunflower-swan]

Wolfstar Chapter 7

A/N: Here’s what you need to know: I created this story for Writer’s Month 2020. Every day is a new prompt, and therefore a new chapter. This is an AU Wolfstar where Remus is a tattoo artist next door to Sirius who manages a flower shop. James and Lily are alive in this universe and own a coffee shop across the street. And to make parts of the story work with the prompts, Remus is about 10 years older than Sirius. It also takes place more or less in present time, minus Covid-19.

This is chapter 7 of a multi-chapter work. If you’d like to start from the beginning, here is chapter 1.

Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters. I just like to play with them.

Day 7 Prompt: Hurt/Comfort

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 2094

Tags: original character death, angst, pining, hurt/comfort, language

Chapter 7

Sirius

Johnny Cash, “Hurt”

I wear this crown of thorns

Upon my liar's chair

Full of broken thoughts

I cannot repair

Sirius apparated to the secluded alley behind the shops, and strolled toward the tattoo parlor. As he walked he pondered what the next six months without Silas was going to be like. He would likely be spending more time with Remus. Other than James and Lily, who else did he have? Coffee at Potter’s Wheel might turn into the highlight of his day. It would at least guarantee he wasn’t alone in his misery.

What about that Logan guy? He was rather good looking, in a rough sort of way. If one was into that sort of thing. Had Remus called him yet? Maybe he could live vicariously through Remus in a relationship. That’s assuming Remus could let go of his crazy ‘romantic quarantine’ theory. Although, that might make him miss Silas more. At the very least, Sirius would hold tight to the memory of his last day with Silas.

After their shared morning shower, Sirius helped Silas get everything packed that he would need for the next six months. They worked together to prepare an early dinner and ate it in the garden. Then they sat outside until long after the sun had gone down just being together, and talking about nothing and everything.

He was so caught up in his thoughts he walked right past the tattoo parlor and the flower shop. It wasn’t until he was nearly a block away that he realized what he had done, and turned around to retrace his steps. Remus stepped out the front door as he drew level with the shop.

“Hey, Sirius.”

“Morning, Remus.”

“Get a portkey sorted?”

“Yep.” He pulled a fob watch from out of his pocket and held it up for Remus to see. “We’ve got about 10 minutes before it activates, so we had better hurry and get out of Muggle view.”

Remus nodded and set off down the sidewalk toward the apparating alley. Sirius fell in step beside him.

“So...did you call Logan?”

Remus scoffed and rolled his eyes. “No.”

“What?!” Sirius couldn’t believe he was being so obtuse. “Why not? He was clearly into you…”

Remus sighed. 

“...and he was gorgeous.”

They reached the entrance to the alley and Remus stopped. “Sirius.” He massaged between his eyebrows.

“Remus.” He said in a friendly mocking tone.

Sirius pulled the fob watch out of his pocket and held it out so Remus could place a finger on it. A few seconds later, he felt a tug behind his navel, and they were whooshed off to Sennan, Penzance. The outskirts at least. They landed about a mile south of the official View Point.

Portkey was not Sirius’ favorite way to travel. He much preferred apparating. At least with apparition, he could stay on his feet. As he could have predicted, upon landing, he found himself on the ground in a tangle with Remus.

“Shit! You ok?” He asked as he helped Remus to his feet.

Both men dusted themselves off and looked around. They appeared to have landed on a somewhat rocky outcrop. Luckily, they also landed on the grassiest bit of the outcrop, which made for at least a semi-soft landing. Salty ocean air invaded their nostrils, and the sound of ocean waves could be heard. Sirius bent over and picked the fob watch from off the ground.

“This is also our ticket home. But it doesn’t activate until 4 o’clock. I figured we could also grab a bite and check out the area.” He gave Remus a hardy pat on the shoulder and pocketed the watch. “What do you think?”

“Whoa!” Remus cried, balancing on one leg. He seemed to still be unsteady on his legs from the portkey, and the shoulder pat almost knocked him over again. 

Sirius grabbed Remus' arm to prevent him from toppling over. “Sorry!” he apologized. “Let’s get going before I really hurt you,” he added with a laugh.

Remus raised his eyebrows in agreement and the pair set off towards the path which they had landed near.

After a few minutes of walking in comfortable silence, Sirius decided to ask the question that had been nagging at him all morning. “Why are you not going to call Logan?”

Remus shot him a sidelong glance.

“Come on! You can tell me. I want to know why my best friend is determined to be miserable and alone.”

“I’m not miserable!”

“Tell that to your face.”

“Wait...I’m your best friend?” Remus neck flushed.

“Well yeah, dummy. One of them at least. Other than you, James, Lily, and Silas...who else do I hang out with?” Wow...that’s kinda sad, if you think about it. Sirius decided not to think about it. It was what it was.

Remus smiled and threw his arm around Sirius' shoulder. “Is it possible to have more than one best friend though? Doesn’t the term ‘best’ imply there can only be one?”

“Well, you see, James is my oldest best friend. And by extension, as his wife, Lily is also my best friend. You are my newest best friend.” Sirius glanced at Remus to see if he wanted to interject. When he did not, he continued. “We have coffee together everyday. You were the first person to whom I showed the letter from Silas, and you were the first person I asked to come with me today. Who’s your best friend then? Who is this person you’ve never mentioned as long as I’ve known you?”

They walked a few steps in contemplative silence; the wind whistling through their hair.

Then Remus chuckled. “Point taken,” he said. “Thanks for being my best friend.” His eyes and smile lit up.

Sirius’ breath caught as he observed the light in Remus’ face. Just as quickly as that sensation surfaced, so did another...shame. He felt his scalp prickle, and he winced on the inside. Fresh on the heels of a ‘best friend’ speech, while at an outing specifically for your serious boyfriend, is not an ideal time to get a swhooshing feeling in your stomach when your best friend smiles at you. Sirius reprimanded himself, and decided to bury those feelings until a later time. He also pulled away from Remus' arm around his shoulder.

The path was beginning to become more crowded with people as they neared the View Point. They could see a cluster of buildings ahead, presumably comprising the Visitor’s Center.

“You still didn’t answer my question.” Sirius pressed.

“What question was that?”

Feigning ignorance, I see. “Why are you not going to call Logan, and why are you determined to remain alone and miserable?”

“Oh, yeah…” was all Remus said.

Fine. Sirius thought, and decided to drop it. I’ll figure you out one day.

They continued the walk along the path until they came to the Signpost. It read:

‘New York 3147’

“Three thousand, one hundred, forty-seven miles away…” Sirius said. He took a deep breath and let out a heavy sigh. “Six...bloody...months.”

“It will be alright.”

“How do you know?”

Remus placed a hand on Sirius’ shoulder. “Because you’re my best friend, and I’ll be here for you.”

~~~~~

Three months passed without much incident. Life for Sirius continued much the same as it always had. Morning coffee had turned into the highlight of his day, as predicted. On his days off he would hang out with either James and Lily, or Remus.

Spending time with James and Lily usually centered around something to keep Harry entertained. Sirius didn’t mind because he loved spending time with his godson. Their outings often included something that involved animals. The kid had a natural inclination toward snakes that was a little strange.

Time spent with Remus was a nice break from toddler amusing activities. The first time Sirius suggested they go see an Indie film playing at the theatre around the corner, he had to practically drag Remus there. At the end of the movie, Remus conceded it wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be, but he still preferred a quiet art museum. 

He would write to Silas every two or three days to let him know what was going on. Silas would write back when he was able. He moved around a lot and was able to get out a letter about once a week.

Silas’ letters were always full of discovery and adventure. His team started out in Maine and were working their way through the forested region down the East Coast. Their main objective was to document observations of native American magical animals in their natural habitat.

Then Sirius didn’t hear anything back for a couple weeks. He was sitting with Remus at the Potter’s Wheel for an after work coffee.

“I’m sure everything is fine.” Remus had been attempting to reassure him for the past ten minutes.

Both men looked up at the peck peck peck at the window next to them. A tawny owl was flapping there with a letter attached to it’s leg. Sirius jumped up and ran out the door. His heart thudded in his chest. Finally! He took the scroll from the owl and it flew away. The untidy scrawl across the top was not Silas’ handwriting. Hair on the back of Sirius’ neck stood on end. It was addressed to him though. Unable to wait, he ripped open the letter, and read:

Dear Mr. Black,

We regret to inform you of a terrible accident involving Mr. Oleander. While on a field mission in central Maryland, his team was the victim of a Snallygaster attack. Mr. Oleander’s body was not found at the scene, and is presumed deceased.

Greatest sympathies,

Magizoologist Office, UK 

Sirius read through the short note again, and again, and again. His brain was unable to process or believe what he was reading. He slid down the window until he was sitting on the ground, and his tears fell upon the parchment. They fell upon the words that brought his entire world crashing down around him.

He was vaguely aware of handing the letter to Remus. A person on either side of him grasped him under the arms and pulled him to a standing position. He supposed he walked somewhere, because when he woke up, he was on a couch he did not recognize.

Maybe it was a nightmare. But whose couch is this? He felt the soft suede under his fingers and looked around. “Hello?” His voice was hoarse. He felt a wave of nausea as he moved to a sitting position.

Remus came into view, holding two teacups. “Hello.” He sat one on the coffee table, and kept the other for himself. “How are you feeling?” he asked, taking a seat in an eclectic mid-century modern chair across from the couch and crossing his legs.

“Like I’m going to be sick.” Sirius looked around for a wastebasket, or the bathroom. Anything so as to not vomit all over Remus or his furniture.

“Bathroom’s through there if you need it.” Remus pointed toward a door leading off from the room. “Try the tea though. It’s Peppermint Ginger. Should help your stomach.”

Sirius reached for the tea and gave it a sip. Not bad. He didn’t want to talk, so he glanced around what he assumed was Remus’ flat above the Tattoo Lounge. One entire wall was a bookshelf filled with books, which he found unsurprising. The titles he could make out from the couch appeared to be a varied collection of artist biographies and histories, and Muggle fiction; J.R.R. Tolkien featured prominently.

On the walls hung artwork he recognized as Remus’ style, because he had one similar hanging in his flat that Remus had gifted him at Christmas last year. Floral arranging was an art in it’s own right, but the skill evident in these pieces was exquisite. Some were done in Muggle-style, while others in wizard-style. Even the Muggle-style pieces looked so real, like they could jump off the canvas and walk around in the room. His best friend was an enigma wrapped in a tough shell; a puzzle he hadn’t cracked yet.

“Want to talk about it?”

He squinted his eyes closed. Unbidden came an image of Silas on their last morning together. He shook his head, and the nausea reared its ugly head again. Clasping his hands in front of his mouth, he opened his eyes and looked at Remus.

“Ok,” Remus said softly. “How about a shower? Or a bath? I think I have some fizzy bath bombs.”

In spite of himself, Sirius let out a little chuckle. “Bath bomb. Definitely.”

A/N: If you’ve followed the story this far, then I’m going to warn you now so you can mentally and emotionally prepare yourself...Sirius is not going to handle this death well. The next few chapters are going to get pretty dark, but I PROMISE it will get happier. This has a Wolfstar endgame after all. ;)

Next Chapter: Chapter 8

[ladyfawkes]

That awful time you’re 95% sure you have COVID-19 AND pneumonia and you were right

The Bad News: I've had COVID-19 sometime during the past several weeks and didn't know it until late this afternoon.....

The Good News: My immune system has already successfully fought it off. (My exposure was over a month ago and I had a good concentration of COVID-19 antibodies in the blood sample they took and they specifically told me I'm no longer contagious and haven't been for quite some time.)

The Bad News: I do still, however, have a nasty case of pneumonia -- a secondary infection, for which I am being given antibiotics, steroids, and...more steroids.

The Good News: The meds I'm taking to fight that off are working.

NO WONDER I'VE BEEN SUCH A MOODY DISHRAG OF A PERSON LATELY. Sheesh!!!  I have been convinced for over a month that it was “just” my summertime SAD (seasonal-affective disorder) or it was “just” quarantine blues on top of SAD/depression.  WHY AM I BOTHERING TO MENTION THIS....2 main reasons. I think a few people are worried that when I pulled back from a certain group, it was because I had a problem with them and that’s not at all true.  I thought I was going crazy. Or something to do with mental health. Definitely not that I had freaking COVID-19 and pneumonia. I know I’ve been all over the place the past month or two and I probably will continue to be like that for at least the next month or two. Point being....if you got caught up in the waves of whatever I was experiencing, I sincerely and humbly apologize. I don’t even remember half of what I’ve said or done the past while. While on a good day I might jumble up some events, it’s only around 10%-15%, not the 40%-50% it’s become. I only know that I still want to be friends and fans. I’ll still be out here though, as I’m still very much recovering and kinda out to lunch in the “total wellness” department. Second reason..... I think it’s important that y’all know as many symptom patterns as possible when it comes to this cray-cray ‘Rona thing so here’s mine below the jump.  The following symptoms can be indistinguishable between COVID-19 infection itself AND/or secondary pneumonia/bronchitis infection. You can't know if you've got a secondary infection unless you get the COVID antibody test. Point being -- if in doubt, the answer is YES -- GET TESTED. Don't wait. My doctor told me the sooner they know, the better because you need to know and get treatment started, either way.

List of known symptoms; subject to re-editing at any time as info becomes available.

1.) Utter exhaustion that I couldn't attribute to anything else over the past 10-20 days. 2.) Sleeping for 8-9 hours in a stretch and still being unable to keep my eyes open just 2 hours after I awoke.....and needing another 4-5 hour nap after. 3.) Sore jaw....where my tiny lymph nodes are at. Those always get sore when I have an infection. 4.) Extra pain in my nasal passages/center of my face. It's in the exact areas as where I've been complaining about my most recent septum surgery, so I thought it was just that....now I'm pretty sure it wasn't. 5.) Saturday, I woke up with a rattle in my chest. I mostly got rid of it. Or so I thought. 6.) Woke up with a worse rattle Sunday and Monday. 7.) Random, **not constant sharp PAINFUL abdominal pains. Originally attributed to endometriosis or PCOS but it's the wrong time during my cycle and the pains got gradually sharper with time. 9.) Random **not constant general upset stomach/intestinal feeling that cannot be attributed to something else. 10.) Random **not constant loss of appetite that cannot be attributed to anything else. 11.) Couldn't get out of bed until almost 8PM Sunday. 12.) I've been around somebody in the past 2-4 weeks who has since tested positive for COVID. 13.) Everything tasting weirder than usual. 14.) Bizarre smell that something is dead around my nose/throat area. 15.) Vice-grip migraines that feel like I'm wearing a metal headband so tight that I can't think straight. And there's NOTHING on my head. 16.) Hair loss. Lots of it. Just recently learned this one. 17.) Memory loss. 18.) Confusion. 19.) Forgetfulness.  20.) Scratchy throat that will not go away. 21.) Dry annoying cough/tickle. Persistent chest rattle.  22.) Mild occasional low-grade fever. 

I have NOT had:

A.) No extreme fever spikes that I know of... B.) No extreme joint pains. Keep in mind these symptoms can occur (or not) at anytime during your COVID-19 illness AND anytime during its recovery. 

[grannygerd]

I’m Lynn from PVRIS! AMA

I’m Lynn from PVRIS. We just put out our new album Use Me which you can listen to HERE. This Saturday, we’re going to be playing our first album White Noise front to back in its entirety for the first time ever. You can get tickets for the live stream HERE.

Proof: https://imgur.com/9K4IgJf

DieDunkleFritte: Hey Lynn, would you rather have really small hands or really small feet? Best regards from germany :D pvrisofficial: Feet!!! Need normal sized hands to play instruments! haha

Nikkiestables: Lynn!!! I was in the US for my exchange and was going to FINALLY see you in person but I couldn’t:( do you think in the future you would tour Asia? Which parts would you like to explore? (Please say Hong Kong) pvrisofficial: We'd love to tour Asia more! We've loved the places we've been in Japan, Singapore, & South Korea so far! Would love to add Hong Kong!

ShadeOfNothing: Hey Lynn! I’ve been a PVRIS fan Since White Noise and I’ve loved seeing the band’s sound evolve through the years. I know you’re a huge believer in astrology, past lives, and the paranormal, so I was wondering if there were any crazy experiences you had witnessed or drew inspiration from while writing/producing Use Me. Thanks so much! pvrisofficial: yessssssss I am a nut. I didnt make Use Me in a haunted church this time but i DO think I stayed at a haunted airbnb. Food kept disappearing and then one night a giant ghostly handprint was left on my guitar case and my hand was way too small to have created it.

hinterscape: Hi Lynn! I've been following you guys since ~2014, you're awesome and I look up to you. Do you see yourself making music forever or how long do you see it if not? pvrisofficial: FOR-E-VER! It might take different forms and go through different stages but i think i will always be creating music!

imaliveunfortunately: Hi Lynn! First of all I love you and the style of music you've put out recently. I saw you at Reading last year, and in Manchester in 2017 so I'm really happy to seeing PVRIS get the exposure it deserves :) So it's gotta be asked, I understand there's issues with the label, but what are the chances of Mvdonna and Blood On My Hands being released? Whether it be as singles, on a new EP, the next album, etc? They're just damn good tracks pvrisofficial: I want them to come out SO BAD too haha. I want to make sure the production is perfect so its now a matter of finding the right collaborator for them.

CookThePasta: Do you believe in life after love? pvrisofficial: yes

OldManMalekith: Hi Lynn! How did working with JT on Use Me differ from your previous experiences with producers? Everyone that I've seen or heard work with him puts it as a really positive experience, and he helps make great stuff! pvrisofficial: He is the BEST. He was very similar to Blake in the sense that he was incredibly nurturing and encouraging, dedicated to making sure it was 100% everything I wanted and always stood up for me if the label ever tried to change it. His production style is definitely different but its extremely diverse. It's a lot punchier and crisper and a bit more minimal than in the past but i think it almost makes things more impactful that way!

villanelleinsuits: Hi Lynn! You’re a creative genius, thanks for existing. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be and why?? pvrisofficial: I would love to live in the UK countryside!!! Maybe Bath or something.

Queenio01: How are you feeling today? pvrisofficial: Sleepy but EXCITED to rehearse!

dancorcoran: How often do you get recognised by fans in day to day life? pvrisofficial: Not too often! I usually get recognized at coffee shops and starbucks though? and Lush hahaha

jessica_pasta: Hi Lynn!!! Was wondering how do you make your synth patches? What synth sounds are your favorites? Thanks so much! Love PVRIS and all that you do ❤️❤️❤️❤️ pvrisofficial: I use Zebra a lot and also use a Prophet Rev2. One of my favorite things is to throw synths through different effects to get an entirely new sound!

ImadaPC: Hi Lynn, I got a question. What inspires you to make music and why? pvrisofficial: What inspires me is wanting to hear something I havent heard! I want to hear all my favorite artists and influences into one thing so that's usually how PVRIS stuff is inspired haha.

staceelogreen: What are your stand out albums of this year!:) pvrisofficial: Great Q! 070 Shake - Modus Vivendi Tinashe - Songs For You (technically 2019 but I've been jamming it all year) They. - The Amanda Tape KAYTRANADA - Bubba (2019 but it came out late 2019 so it counts as 2020 for me!) Howling - Colure

DH00338: What are you most excited about in terms of this new era of PVRIS? pvrisofficial: More writing!! and more collaborations!

creewitch: Hiya Lynn! I hope your morning is going well. When have you felt the proudest of yourself and why? ☺️ pvrisofficial: Oooo good Q! I always think there's room for improvement so it's hard to feel pride, but I am definitely grateful for my resilience through the crazy shit haha.

liky_gecko: Because you’re from the Boston area, what are your favorite spots to eat/hang out there? I may be going to school there pvrisofficial: Do itttt! My fav spots are a little outside of the city.... the Crane Estate, Mt. Auburn Cemetery in Cambridge, Maudslay State Park in Newburyport, Portsmouth NH, Shedd Park Cemetery in Lowell.

goszkv: Hi Lynn! Was wondering if you'll ever consider coming to Poland :( ofc post corona pvrisofficial: yes!

cecy_db_11: Hi Lynn! Can't wait to see you guys this Saturday. How do you feel once the songs you write (your personal feelings and thoughts) are available for the world to listen? Do you get used to that over time? pvrisofficial: Still getting used to that to be honest. Once songs are out, I weirdly stop listening to them. Prior to that I listen in the car a lot and drive around testing songs out haha.

musicfan1976: Do you think the spring 2020 shows will still happen or be rescheduled again due to Covid? Stay healthy and take care. pvrisofficial: I truly have no idea.... :( you take care too! <3

yikesmiles: Hey Lynn! I hope you’re well! I’ve always been curious, what was it that inspired you to make music? pvrisofficial: Good Q! WHen I write, I try to write music that I want to hear that hasn't crossed my path yet.

LeahLNurse: Is there any unreleased songs you wish made it onto White Noise? pvrisofficial: Nope!

JRuiz1775: Hey Lynn! I remember the first time I saw and heard you guys was when you opened for Pierce the Veil and Sleeping with Sirens. I was hooked and have tried to see you guys anytime you are in my area. My question for you is what is your favourite tour experience? What is your dream tour to be on? pvrisofficial: There's SO many favorite tour experiences. I love touring the UK and Europe a lot, exploring before shows is my favorite thing and has some of my favorite memories. Our UK/EU tour with BMTH was one of my favorites.

ac-36: hi lynn! i love your music so much, it means a lot to me. if you were to remake your past music now, how do you think it would be different, and what do you think the future direction of the band will be? pvrisofficial: I would definitely approach the drum production a bit different but keep it pretty similar with the other textures/instruments! Future direction can go anywhere! Definitely want to keep taking risks and trying new things, but still keeping it dark!

staceelogreen: If you could go back in time to give yourself advice, what would you say to your past self? pvrisofficial: Take it easy on yourself.

NouveauJacques: Hi Lynn, huge fan and I love the power behind your music. Do you ever write songs that are too emotional and feel conflicted about putting into an album? pvrisofficial: usually if they feel too emotional or heavy, I know they need to be released haha

Defiant-Strawberry37: Hi Lynn, hope everything's okay with you and the band. I'd like to ask you what PVRIS' era you think is the best and why? Hope I can see you guys someday soon acting in Portugal. Love you all! PS: why so Lynnda? *portuguese pun intended, beautiful = linda in portuguese* ly! pvrisofficial: Thanks! I love every era tbh but I'm definitely always the most excited on the present moment!

pvrisbae: youre the cutest little soul ily. whats ur fav song at the moment? pvrisofficial: Brian showed it to me! It's "Too Late" by Washed Out.

agnespvris: Hi Lynn!! Have you had any good laughter when you've been looking through the #pvrismemes ?? pvrisofficial: oh you betcha.

whothefuckisrvmi: ok so im not understanding shit about this app but im here for you pvrisofficial: thank u

vioIentbounce: hi lynn! what do you think will be your favorite song from use me to play live? pvrisofficial: I think.... Good To Be Alive or Gimme A Min

jaydenc30: hi lynn I just wanted to say how much I appreciate you and everything you do! I hope you are doing well, what was the first song you wrote for use me? What’s does PVRIS’s future look like to you? pvrisofficial: First song for Use Me was Old Wounds! I wrote it before the second album even came out haha

IrlandaBDelao: Hi lynn, would you be down to open commisions for tattoos? If so, how much would you charge for a drawing? pvrisofficial: I wish! I do not have time to at the moment :( but if I have time in the future, you will be first to know so you can get first dibs!

CookThePasta: are you really looking at all of our memes?? pvrisofficial: trying OUR BEST!!

nonoplznowhy: why did your parents name you Lynn? pvrisofficial: Lyndsey* but they always call me Lynn or Lynds. I was named after my mom's childhood bestfriend named Lynn, she passed away when my mom was pretty young :(

golrip: What is your favourite song on awknohawnoh and why? That album literally changed my life and shaped me into the person I am today so I would really love knowing your opinion. also: what's your favourite the weeknd song/album? pvrisofficial: NOLA 1! It was my favorite to write and the memory around that time is magical. We wrote it in New Orleans and it's my favorite city.

bnizz95: Hey Lynn!! I saw you guys perform for the first time live in Cambridge last September and im so excited about the stream. I was wondering what your favorite song/songs off this album are? Also, do you still steal rosemary from your neighbors? Hahaha pvrisofficial: hahaha I have a little rosemary plant that I use now :)

vioIentbounce: are you still making collages? if not, have you taken up any new artistic hobbies lately?❤️ pvrisofficial: Little collaging here and there :) I've been researching a lot of interior design and fashion design lately!

fee-lixdawkins: Hey Lynn! Excited for the livestream! I know you’re an AFI fan. What is your favorite album and song(s) by them? Would you ever want to tour with them? I’d kill to see that happen! Take care! pvrisofficial: Brian is the bigger AFI fan! I cant pick a fave Im scared

ivykrvft: How does it feel to (kinda) be performing again as an entire band after all these months? pvrisofficial: Really good!! Definitely going to be weird without you guys in front of us!!

Ariana_0918: hi lynn <3 i wanted to know when you saw florence in concert what was your favorite song she performed live? pvrisofficial: Cosmic Love. She played it first and it was acoustic, I instantly cried hahahaha

TheSinger_Z: Hey Lynn! How old were you when you first started writing songs? What is the most memorable prank/joke that you have pulled or has been pulled on you while on tour? How many instruments do you play and what’s your favourite? I just want to say thank you, you’re my biggest inspiration when it comes to music (I sing and I’m learning to play guitar and hope to do it professionally when I’m older as I’m only 14 😬), and I’m really thankful for you guys. I got meet and greet tickets for November 30th for the White Noise stream, so see you then! pvrisofficial: i was in the 3rd grade. the songs were horrible. Its not really a prank but we love having our in ear monitor tech do the worm on stage sometimes. Extra points when he does it in costume. I can play 7 instruments! Looking to add more to the arsenal over time. I love piano a lot and drums. Keep it up, can't wait to see you be a star!!! ALso the livestream is the 21st! DOnt want you to miss it :)

CheezeGrenade: I missed out on a lot of concerts growing up and I couldn't make it to a concert out of state that I bought tickets to about a year ago. Will you guys play through Awkohawnoh again in anyway? Such as Half/Winter/No Mercy/Walk Alone. Litterally that album and the one before got me through alot of depressive phases in my life and Awk has really inspired alot of my writing for a series I want to create someday. pvrisofficial: I cant wait for you to start writing it! You got this! We will be playing through AWKOHAWNOH but the date is not announced yet :)

srankie: Are y'all Pats fans? Red Sox? Bruins? Cause if not the Eagles family will accept you with open arms pvrisofficial: NEW ENGLAND/BOSTON ALL DAY BABY!

macauley7: Could u please ask harry styles if u could tour with him? I need a pvris x harry watermelon sugar vibes thanks pvrisofficial: I'll call him right now.

brisbubbles: Hey, Lynn! Can’t wait for Saturday! I was wondering, how do you feel about singing old tracks from WN since you relearned how to sing? What has that experience been like? Wishing you and Brian the best! xzlinx: I am wondering about this as well. Maybe I am just nosey but I wonder about the process of retraining your voice and what exactlt happened. It must have been insanely difficult on her mental health but goddamn what a trooper bc Use Me is unbelievable! pvrisofficial: Great questions!!! Singing WN is definitely a little challenging to begin with because I'm older and my tone isn't the tone of 19 year old me anymore haha. A big thing was anxiety which caused me to choke up a lot and tense my chords. Then when i was being coached, out of fear of damaging something we had to rebuild and start small and light which we think caused the chords/muscles to atrophy, which set it back further haha. I eventually went to another coach who then was able to take my "retrained" voice and then strengthen it up and rebuild it back to where it was before!

ImOnlyHalfAlive: Hey Lynn! First, I can't express just how much PVRIS has meant to me over the last couple of years. Your music has helped me through so much, and I will forever be grateful. My question is: What's a life mantra you've always lived by? pvrisofficial: Life mantra (theres a lot but this one I always connect to when it comes to career): Patience and persistence is key.

Okosano: Hi Lynn and greeting from Germany! The one and only important question here : Whats your favorite comfort food? pvrisofficial: Favorite comfort food...... Indian food! My absolute favorite.

Ok-Personality1480: What’s your favorite tea pls 🤠 pvrisofficial: Throat coat for singing, housemade chai for joy.

CookThePasta: Do you know the muffin man? pvrisofficial: yes

LynnGvnnFvn: What were the creative differences between writing an album like White Noise or AWKOHAWNOH and Use Me? pvrisofficial: Age, time, locations, different producers and collaborators!

unit525: How are the submissions for the meme competition looking? Any front runners emerging? pvrisofficial: It's a CLOSE call for a lot of them...

LynXiger: Which song from your discography is your least favourite and why? pvrisofficial: I wont say incase it is anyone's favorite!! hahaha

lgbtiffany: do you have a tendency to incorporate spirituality into your creative processes? love the album and can’t wait for the stream ✨❤️ pvrisofficial: I think creating is spiritual in itself! You're channeling sound and melody and MAGICCC! So yes!

vessed1: hiii. I’d love to know who found the White Noise mirror ☺️ pvrisofficial: Me too

LynXiger: What is your favourite genre to listen to? And how has this changed over time? pvrisofficial: I'm a big sucker for hip hop and pop... really anything that's catchy and hits hard and has cool production!

nicthehic: Hey Lynn! Been a huge fan for a long long time and took up doing music professionally because I was inspired by you and the rest of Pvris’ rise and work ethic. I was wondering if there was anything you would do differently while recording your first album and any advice to new ish band working on their first professional project (in the midst of covid no less) and any tips to make our first album just as great and timeless as white noise Thank you! pvrisofficial: Awww this is awesome! I'm sure you're gonna crush it! I definitely would have wanted to make the production a little different but keep a lot of the same fundamental aspects/textures. Do what YOU feel you want to create and dont feel any outside pressures. Crush it! Cant wait for you to record!

minidudette106: Hey Lynn, Do you ever think its crazy that people get tattoos of your lyrics & ones inspired by your music? also wondering what your thoughts are on pineapple on pizza? lol pvrisofficial: I used to get freaked out bc I didnt think my lyrics were great but now I think its so cool! haha.

Hot-Lime3627: Hi Lynn, how is Opal and the other cat whom you took care of during quarantaine doing ? pvrisofficial: They are back with their owner! I truly miss them every single day... they were my little fluffy pals.

kelcea244: How do you keep your creative muscle flexed so you’re ready to create? And do you create every day? EDIT: Also really sad you guys weren’t able to make it over to the UK this month! We’ll be so psyched for you when you do come! pvrisofficial: We are sad too!!! We can't wait to get back whenever it is safe to play shows there. I miss it every day! I try to create every day even if it's just 5-10 minutes, always good to keep those muscles flexed!

socksgrowonbushes: first of all i just want to say how much i admire you, you’re amazing :) my question is what is your favourite song you have ever written? is it one that’s on an album? one that hasn’t even been released? i’m curious pvrisofficial: Use Me!

LadyEpicenter25: What the significance of playing in Arizona?! pvrisofficial: Resources to make the stream happen and rehearsals happen :)

bitchesonthephone: I have one question and one question only: When will we get Let’s Go Vertigo? pvrisofficial: NEVERRRRRR

Antique_Performer_45: Hi Lynn! I’ve been a big fan of PVRIS for a few years now. Which song from Use Me was your favorite to write? I love you guys! pvrisofficial: Use Me! or Good To Be Alive!

JadeAdelaideee: Hello!!! You’ve been a huge help with me realising I was gay, is there anyone who you would look up to when you were younger who sort of helped ease that journey? 💕✨ pvrisofficial: tbh i didnt have many. It was the scattered bits of magical gay representation on teen tv shows like Degrassi/Skins etc. haha

brandonjback: what song are you most proud of from AWKOHAWNOH? pvrisofficial: Anyone Else and NOLA 1!

DixieF: A question I've been waiting ages to ask. Why are you guys so awesome? pvrisofficial: We got awesome parents!!!

Emmahumphrees: Out of all yours songs what is your favourite lyric?? pvrisofficial: "On the porch the ceiling's painted baby blue dressed to the nines just like the sky in early afternoon 'cause it's midnight and the ghosts might be coming soon" Its a reference to a New Orleans superstition that the baby blue porch ceiling would ward off spirits in the night to trick them that it was the daytime sky.

lgbtiffany: what was the most difficult part of trying to regain your voice when you were having troubles with it? pvrisofficial: Definitely just getting on stage every night knowing it wasn't working and having to pretend it was... haha. Super embarrassing.

cnnrtower: Hi Lynn! MA fan here who first saw PVRIS open for A Skylit Drive at the Palladium in 2013. Super incredible to watch the journey for the band / yourself as an artist! What was the first gig/experience that made you stop and realize that PVRIS was going places? pvrisofficial: one of our first headline shows in CT back in 2015. Show was crazy!!

KimLC24: I was just wondering how you get your inspiration to do your art and music? because it can sometimes be hard to even get motivated let alone create pvrisofficial: Totally relate and understand! I won’t lie, the older I get, the more I need to hype myself up and set a tone to create, especially when there’s so much music swirling around us at all times (the internet/streaming/etc). I almost always have a moody or dreamy movie/show playing on my ipad next to me while I work so that way there’s an inspiring visual going.

deadweighttttt: Hi Lynn!!! What’s your all time favourite lyric from the album?! pvrisofficial: HII!! "Do you even notice how easy you've got this? Taking wings off a goddess if I'm being honest"

Pvffreis: Hi Lynn, I have no idea how to use this/reddit but great to see you here! Hope you're doing good? <3 Update: I figured out how to edit comments ayyy I just signed up to ask you this very important question: Red or green apples? pvrisofficial: Idk how either but I think I got it!! Red apples! W PB

dancingonslowsand: Hi Lynn!! Been following PVRIS for a while and I’ve loved seeing how your sound has evolved over the years. Do you have any idea of what direction you want the band to go in the future? Or are you just riding the wave and seeing what happens? Also what’s your fav bird pvrisofficial: Thanks so much! I definitely plan to just keep riding the wave… I feel like every album leaves some room for the direction to go anywhere so the next chapter never feels too restricted. I have been feeling pretty hyped and high energy lately so I feel like it may reflect that a bit! Fav bird is… PENGUINS (even though people debate that they are mammals.)

pvrisofficial: Okay my friends, I gotta head out and get to rehearsals! This was so much fun, sorry I couldn't get to every Q. Love yall! See you guys so soon! <3

November 18th, 2020

[bigenderbefriender]

It’s approaching midnight here in Oklahoma on November 2, 2020, and before election day begins in earnest, I wanted to write out a few of my thoughts.  I don’t know how much analysis I’ll actually do; this is mostly a record of how I feel, how the world is, and how I perceive it.  Maybe a year or two down the line, I’ll be able to look back on this and shore up some memories, though hopefully I won’t ever forget what I’ve seen over the past four years.

Let me start with this, then.  No one knows what’s going to happen.  The perennial discourse about the electoral college is in full swing, and as usual, Republicans are blocking it because they benefit massively from the rampant conservatism (racism) of rural states such as my own.  All the news talks about these days is the election cycle and COVID; I can hardly blame them.  It’s almost all I think about, too.  That said, half of Oklahomans went without power this week due to a massive ice storm, including most of my social circle, and it didn’t even make a blip in the national news.  Likewise, Hurricane Zeta tore a path through Louisiana then up the East Coast last week, and it only got a cursory mention, despite being the fifth such hurricane to make landfall in Louisiana this year.  The destruction there is nigh incalculable.

Texas governor Greg Abbott has been in a campaign to suppress voters in urban areas in this election cycle, his most egregious success being to limit the number of polling places per county to one, meaning large cities that fall under one county must all vote at the same place.  This will inevitably lead to a number of citizens being unable or unwilling to vote, predominantly in those large cities where lines will be several hours long, and the risk of COVID will be high.  Texan Republicans have also tried to throw out drive-thru ballots on the order of 120,000 votes, but this was blocked by Andrew Hanon.  The voter suppression is quite likely because for the first time in several elections, Texas is legitimately competitive this year.  I don’t think it will flip to the Democratic Party, but if it does I would be quite happy.

Other states have also been engaging in voter suppression, but there are people working against it.  Stacey Abrams, after her narrow defeat (1.4%) in the 2018 gubernatorial race in Georgia, has continued her commitment to ending voter suppression there, and she claims that she has done so quite successfully.  I suppose that remains to be seen, but I am hopeful.  Little news is coming out of places like North Carolina, though, and that’s scary, since voter suppression there is so prominent and so ugly.  In addition, Trump has been calling on militias, whom I will not name so as to keep them away from this post, to enact stochastic violence against voters whom they believe will vote Democratic.

In truth, that’s only the tip of the iceberg.  Since the summer, Trump has been questioning the legitimacy of mail-in ballots, certainly in an attempt to provide precedent for his contesting of the election results.  If they go in his favor, I’m sure he’ll love whatever the election says, but much like with Hillary Clinton, it looks like he’ll lose the popular election.  Experts are predicting a “blue shift” over the course of the election cycle.  That is, Republicans by and large are ignoring the threats of the coronavirus, which means they’re much more likely to vote in person on November 3.  This means it will appear that Trump has won the election on Novemeber 3, but as mail-in ballots get counted, the electorate will begin to sway towards Biden.  I may make a prediction here, though it is a grim one.  I believe that Trump will try to call the election on November 3 proper, and he will use his newfound influence on the Supreme Court (aka his nominee and now justice Amy Coney Barrett) to halt the count of mail-in ballots that might prove him wrong.  Many people say our democracy is in crisis, but quite honestly, I think this is a natural conclusion to the way that politics have been going since basically the Clinton era.

What I mean by that is to say that Trump’s presidency has done an excellent job of exposing long-lasting structural issues in American society, and Democrats have made #resist into an aesthetic to win their re-elections rather than actually leveraging the power they do have.  I’d say it must be hard, against someone who’s as much of a political opportunist as Sen Maj Ldr Mitch McConnell (R-KY), but the truth is that all of these people are perfectly content to campaign on decorum rather than on fixing any of the actual issues facing the US.

It’s not all bad; Biden has been pushed quite a bit to the left by the growing progressive wing of the Democratic Party, organized in part by the Justice Democrats and represented by Sen Bernie Sanders (Ind. VT), Rep Alexandria Ocasio Cortez (D NY), Rep Ilhan Omar (D MN), Rep Rashida Tlaib (D MI), and Rep Ayanna Pressley (D MA).  The latter four are colloquially referred to as “The Squad,” and they fight alongside others for progressive policies out of the House of Representatives.  I would hate to go through an entire post about my feelings on national politics without mentioning the few good things we do have going for us.  In addition, voters have come out in record numbers this year.  As of this morning NPR reported that four states have had more early voting than total voters in 2016.  In a democracy, one of the major challenges is to stimulate citizen participation in government; citizens are certainly participating this year.

Also, this year has been a year that will be remembered for its social movements.  The Black Lives Matter movement came back into full swing, and the role of the police is now a legitimate question in many people’s minds.  Of course, this is a frustrating thing to talk about, too.  The demands of Black Lives Matter as a movement are so simple, yet over and over again, police show that they are more dedicated to violence than to justice.  In addition, white people across the country have shown that they are more dedicated to law and order than to making a country in which everyone can live.  This seems odd to me, though I know that it is specifically racially motivated.  It’s not like I’m just having this realization now; my grandparents are Party Republicans, and I couldn’t convince them to vote to kick Walmart out of their town, even when they know exactly how it’s screwed them.  To ask them to empathize with a Black person, even a Black neighbor?  Believe me, I’ve tried.  Still, we did see (are seeing) a lot of good from the protests.  Colorado basically ended qualified immunity, which means that police should be a lot more accountable for their actions in the future.  We also saw several experiments in what a society could look like without policing.  The Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone in Seattle was the most famous of these, though it fell apart in part due to its popularity.  Others that did not have the spotlight on them did not fall apart so spectacularly (though I have to speculate that all of CHAZ’s sisters have been disbanded by now).

That said, there’s a lot to fear in the coming days.  The only thing we know about this election is that we won’t know the result for days or even weeks after polling closes.  Because of that, many fear that protests will break out across the country on election day.  The protests themselves aren’t the bad thing, I think.  What’s bad is that the protests will be the targets of white supremacist violence (if the protesters are pro-Biden) or the perpetrators thereof, especially now that Trump has condoned militia violence against citizens.  Over the summer, Trump also used a secret police force (under the Department of Homeland Security, specifically Customs and Border Patrol) against protesters in Portland, Oregon to quell unrest.  Unsurprisingly, it didn’t work, since the protests were against police brutality.  However, the system is now there for him to use, and CBP is only growing bigger by the day.  If protests do break out in the weeks following the election, I have no doubt that CBP will be there throwing people into unmarked vans and jailing them without due process.

I have so much more to say.  I haven’t even gotten into the border wall, or family separation, or the assassination of Iranian dignitaries, or attacks on abortion rights, or Mitch McConnell’s stalling of the Senate, or the individual stages of failure of the COVID-19 response and how I learned about them, or the use of said COVID-19 to grant ICE carte blanche to deport people without trial, or any of the myriad other political issues of which I’ve become aware over the past four years.  I also haven’t even begun to write out my thoughts on my local politics or Oklahoma politics specifically (quite honestly, I think local politics will forever stay offline, seeing as though I’d really rather not give out too much identifying information here).  But I think this post has gone on long enough.  Perhaps I will write more on those other topics in the future.  I am afraid for tomorrow, and I am afraid for the months and years to come.  I do not wish to live in interesting times, but it seems I am cursed to do so.  At least I can say I was a witness.  It is now 12:40 AM, November 3, 2020.  The election is in 6 hours, and I am scared.

[alethia000]

[ENG TRANS] 200701 #VogueInConversationwithNICHKHUN

[Thai-Eng trans by Daffodil0624]

Nichkhun: COVID makes me lazy. 😂 It made me think I could not go out to exercise or do many things. In fact, it's just an excuse. If you really want to exercise and take care of your health, you can do it wherever you are (at home, outside, or while you go to work.)  

Nichkhun: When I'm home, I watch Netflix, play games, or practice piano. I don't like to go out much. But I am an active person. When I go out, I would spend my day getting everything done before I go home.

About becoming Broach Nichkhun on #TheBrothersTH  

Nichkhun: Normally I don't like to be a mentor or a judge on audition shows. I don't think I'm talented enough to criticize or judge anyone. But P'Tik told me he wanted to find and teach teens to be both idols and gentlemen. Most importantly, this show isn't scripted. There are no 'drama' or arguments scheduled on any filming days.

Nichkhun: I have worked in many countries and wanted to share my experiences with these kids.

Vogue: So when you were very serious and strict with the kids on the show, it was real.

Nichkhun: Yes. I tried not to be strict. I wanted to know how much they were determined to excel in this field. People who want to enter showbiz have several different reasons, right? Some people want to be famous. Some want to be rich. Some want to show their talents to the world. I had to gauge the reasons they wanted to be a star. These kids were nice and well-mannered. Some of them were not focused/determined and I was strict with them.  When they didn't finish their assignment on time, I was quite strict. But P'Ananda often told me not to scold them. He would do it himself. So I was playing good cop.😆          

Nichkhun: When I watched these kids practice, I smiled to myself and thought of myself practicing over 10 years ago. Among these 20 kids, some of them were very talented. It's a similar situation when I first went to JYPE. If there were 50 trainees, 40 of them were talented and top of the class. The other 10 trainees were cast probably because of their good looks/physical appearance. These 10 trainees would struggle. No matter how much we practiced, we couldn't catch up with other trainees. Even if we worked 2 times harder, it was not enough. If I started from -20, other trainees started from 60. So I really couldn't catch up. Among these 20 kids on The Brothers, there were competitions with themselves and with other kids who had equal skills.  

Nichkhun: When I looked into their eyes, I thought of myself when I was a trainee. Back then, while I was practicing each day, I really couldn't see how my future would turn out. I was not sure when I would sing as well as other trainees. I was not sure whether that was even possible. I couldn't sing, dance, or speak Korean.

Nichkhun: I was scolded so many times. "Why can't you do it? Why can't you compete with others?" I often thought, "Well, you did see my audition tape. You knew how bad I am. Why did you cast me then?" 😂 What's the point of insulting me when you know I am not talented? I was upset for a long time. Until I was fed up with all these insults. "You are not talented. You can't do it. You suck." I didn't want to hear these words anymore. I wanted them to say, "You have improved. You can do it."  I guess my resentment had pushed me to work harder/to improve.

Vogue: But you are a star now.

Nichkhun: Determination/dedication is most important. But luck also plays an important role. I often say I am a lucky guy. If I was not a member of 2PM and didn't debut with 2PM that year, I think I would not be in this position. It was perfect timing. Back then there were not a lot of foreigners who became well-known in Korea. Then 2PM became even more popular because of Heartbeat. That's why I said the timing was perfect.    

Vogue: Hottest want 2PM to make a comeback soon.

Nichkhun: 2PM will definitely make a comeback together. We planned to make a comeback in the middle of next year. But I think it may be delayed because of covid. I don't know how much covid will affect our plans next year. 2PM members meet and talk with each other often. Every time we meet, we talk about the time the six of us stood on stage together. We miss those moments.  

Nichkhun: All those times we spent together were miraculous. I know these 5 friends I have worked with are my best friends. They are friends I love the most. These are friends who can sacrifice their lives for each other. I have worked with these friends and our job is to make people happy. It's something money can't buy. Fate brings the six of us together. It's quite funny when you think about it. I am not Korean. I had never thought of being a singer. I had no desire to enter showbiz. Then I met these 5 friends. It's simply miraculous.      

Vogue: What do you guys talk about besides your work?  

Nichkhun: We spend only 10% of the time talking about our work. 90% are spent on nonsense stuffs. 😂

Nichkhun: I have tried to encourage my friends to play golf. Chansung and Taec have started to play golf. I am still trying to convince others to play too.

Vogue: How long have you played golf?

Nichkhun: Almost 5 years. I like to play golf because I can compete with myself. I play badminton too. It's hard to defeat the other player who's really talented. With golf, I compete with myself. Every time I play, the conditions are different; wind, rain, grass, or myself. It teaches me to be with the present moment. If we think too far ahead, we won't see the target in front of us. We should move forward step by step.      

Vogue: I saw you taking a lot of photos with kids on your IG.  

Nichkhun: I love children. When I went to USA and met my cousin's kids, I wanted to give them good memories which may make them a little happier when they grow up. I want to give them my love. When I look at children, I am a little envious. You have the whole world in front of you. Your life is just beginning. You can be whatever you want to be. It depends on how many good people you will meet during the course of your life, how many good and bad things you will encounter, and how much you will be loved.

Nichkhun: That's why I don't want to give children money. I want to give and show them my love. I want these children to know they are valued. I want them to grow up to be a great person. I want the children I have met to know they were born to be loved. They are the light of our world. I want them to know they are important and valued. These are all the basic things I want them to know.

Nichkhun: I love children. But I don't know when I will have my own kids. People have told me loving other people's kids is a different feeling from having my own kids. There are both positive and negative sides. So I think it is not gonna happen anytime soon. Is that right, Hottest? When I post a photo with kids, 50% of my fans would ask, "When are you gonna have kids? We want to see you playing with your kids."

Vogue: How do you play with kids?

Nichkhun: Throwing them in the air. 😂 And I try not to stand over them. I don't want them to feel I am an adult. If they are sitting and playing on the floor, I will lie down. I will lie down on the floor and play with them. I want them to feel that I am their friend. At the same time, I want them to feel that I can protect them and make them feel safe because I am bigger. Playing with kids is delightful. But at a certain point when kids become hyperactive, it is extremely exhausting for me.  If they like being tossed up high, my arms hurt on the next day. 😂  

Vogue: How long have you worked with UNICEF?

Nichkhun: Seven years. My family have donated to several foundations. When I started working in Korea, I saw UNICEF's ad about children who suffered from malaria. I asked my manager to call them and asked for more details. UNICEF staff in Korea saw my name after I made a donation. They called to thank me. Then years later, UNICEF Thailand asked me to be Friend of UNICEF. I accepted the invitation to be a spokesperson for them.

Nichkhun: For the past 7 years, I have met children in several slums. You won't believe there's a slum right next to a shopping mall in Bangkok. Six to seven families live in a very crowded space not bigger than a bag shop in a shopping mall. People should not have to live in a living condition like that. There are a lot of kids there who should be in schools but they have to work to help support their family or have to take care of their younger siblings. 

Nichkhun: I visited and talked with a family there. The grandparents called their grandkids that it was time to eat. I asked them what did they prepare. The grandkids came running and looked so happy. Then I saw the grandpa took out a ball of old sticky rice, sprinkled some salt, and gave it to their kids who ate it happily.        

Nichkhun: To be frank, I can't totally change their world and the living conditions of people in these slums. The best I can do is telling people as much as I can about what I have seen in these slums. It's not that people aren't interested in these issues. I think they don't realize somewhere not far from their home, there're hundred thousand people who don't have fundamental rights and opportunities they deserve.          

Vogue: Some people know UNICEF help children and they may want to make a donation. Can you tell us how these donations are spent?  

Nichkhun: The most important part is for buying food for children. Especially for children who live in areas that are difficult to access, we provide them with Ready-to-Use-Therapeutic Foods (RUTF) paste, medicines, and water. We have a great campaign that encourages reading too. It's a mobile library campaign. We rent trucks, made them into mobile libraries, and drove to faraway villages in the countryside.  

Nichkhun: Some people may think, "I'm not rich. I don't have extra money to spend on donations." But I think 10 baht or 100 baht monthly donation can make a lot of difference. If people come together and help, it can move things forward. You don't have to donate 10,000 or 100,000 baht. It doesn't have to reach a certain amount of money to be considered a donation. If it truly comes from your heart, 1 baht is enough. If a person makes a 1 baht donation, we will get 10,000 baht from 10,000 people. 10,000 baht can be spent on a lot of things including vaccines and food for kids.    

Nichkhun talked about his Thai horror film ‘Cracked’ which should be released this year but it depends on situations regarding covid.

Vogue: Normally are you scared of ghosts?  

Nichkhun: It's not that I'm not scared. Let's say I am not scared that much. But if you want me to go to a remote, deserted place at night alone, I won't go. 😂

Nichkhun: There was a time that I experienced what Thais call Pee-Um.

(Note: ‘Pee-Um’ means a suffocating feeling / sleep paralysis while falling asleep which is believed to be caused by a spirit.)

Nichkhun: It happened when I stayed at a hotel. It's the first time I stayed at that hotel. People often say after you feel suffocated, when you open your eyes, you will see a ghost sitting on your chest. Sometimes, you will see a ghost standing near your bed. It's the first time I experienced these feelings. I was sleeping. When I opened my eyes, I knew I couldn't move.  I tried as much as I could to open my eyes, raise my head, and look around the room. I hoped to see someone there in the room but, unfortunately, I couldn't see him/her. I was scared but I truly wanted to know whether I had that kind of sense. Too bad I couldn't see anyone so I went back to sleep. 😅

Vogue: Your fans want to know when you will be back to Thailand.

Nichkhun: Today my mom asked me the same question, "When will you come home?" If I go back to Thailand to work on an event/a job, I may spend 2 days working. But I will have to spend 14 days in quarantine (in Thailand). When I come back to Korea, I will have to spend another 14 days in quarantine in Korea too. One month is over. 😅

Nichkhun: So it's difficult to deal with my work in other countries right now. I really want to work and go to several places. Normally, I often flew and worked in several countries. During this time, I have stayed home for months. I'm not used to it. My electricity bill last month is a bit higher than usual. 😂

Nichkhun: I hope everyone is not bored with waiting for me. I hope you guys are healthy. Don't forget to exercise. It's really important. Try to eat food that's good for your health. Keep smiling. It will help make our world a little brighter.

[Thai-Eng trans by Daffodil0624] 

THREAD on Twitter  

Video by Vogue Thailand  ▶️  https://youtu.be/YLySZaAkscA

[hillbillyhippiemusicreview]

Post #46—Them Dirty Roses: Locked Down & Unplugged LIVE

“Cause I found the wind that blows, It’s blowin’ me back home 🎶”

Nashville-based southern rockers Them Dirty Roses recently let the wind blow them back to the Bama clay they were raised on for two consecutive nights of sold out shows at Sidetracks Music Hall in Huntsville, AL. General manager/talent buyer Shane Bickel was eager to re-open and provide both musicians and fans alike a safe, socially-distanced outlet for music, so Hillbilly Hippie Music Review made the trek there via Indiana and L.A. (that’s lower Alabama) to enjoy a couple nights of tunes post-lockdown.

Deemed “Locked Down & Unplugged LIVE,” the set of acoustic shows was the perfect, albeit different, way to kick off the return of live music—especially since HHMR’s last show before the nation-wide pandemic lockdown was in March with TDR at Sidetracks. Total full circle kind of moment, and one we wish we could have frozen in time. But, I’ve got to be frank—despite being a total glutton for acoustic music, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect, being that everything had changed so quickly. Would people hesitate to interact? Would we dance and sing or sit there like statues? Would the energy in the room be relaxed or tightly-wound? At first, there was a bit of an unsure current in the air, but before long, everyone was loosened up and moving to the groove in their seats and all the ladies made their way to the stage to end each night with “Shake It,” a TDR ritual.

Before we dive into the specifics of the weekend, here’s a little background for readers unfamiliar with TDR: Brothers James Ford (vocals and guitar) and Frank Ford (drums) formed Them Dirty Roses with their friends Andrew Davis (guitar) and Ben Crain (bass) in Gadsden, AL circa 2012 prior to moving to Tennessee to travel the country playing their brand of rock and roll and finding success both stateside and across Europe. Their sound is a bit southern rock heavy laden with outlaw vibes, and a bit party band mixed with a penchant for slower, sentimental jams—in other words, it’s eclectic and every bit as unique as the four men who form the band. However you describe it, a TDR show is always a good time—and it only takes one to get hooked on the electric energy these guys bring to the stage. On June 5th and 6th in a little venue off by the railroad tracks in Rocket City, the vibe was killer and the feeling was out of this world. Not only were the fans ready to rock, but the band was ecstatic and thankful to be back in action.

HHMR contributor Linda Owen’s first-ever TDR show was March 13–the night the country shut down due to the pandemic. She has the unique perspective of experiencing the “typical” wide-open TDR show and the stripped, intimate version back to back. Here’s what she had to say:

“Three months without live music—I know I slowly watched myself go from the happiest most optimistic person I knew, to a complete mess. It may have seemed like I was okay, but I assure you I was not.

I’ve always known how much music has impacted my life. It has always brought me the greatest memories and blessed me with many friendships and there were so many times in my life where the only thing I had to hold on to was a song. Three months without my music family was torture. With that being said I'll never forget my first shows post-COVID-19. Ironically, the first post -COVID-19 show was at the same venue with the same band I saw pre-COVID-19, and it was perfect.

Let me set the scene. Sidetracks Music Hall is the kind of local music hall we all want in our hometowns: you feel at home as soon as you walk in, you are treated like family, and it has by far the friendliest staff and patrons of any place I've been to date. The venue possesses a large open floor plan with the bar area in the back, so there is not a bad spot to see the show. For this show in particular, tables are spread about what is normally the "pit" area. To be honest, I was a little nervous that this social distancing acoustic show wouldn’t quite fill that void that COVID-19 has left me feeling...I was so wrong. After getting settled in with a drink, my sidekick Lyssa and I did some mingling getting to talk to new-to-me friends that I'd made three months previously at the last show I had attended. The excitement in the room was palatable—and it only got better from there.

TDR hit the stage and you could feel the spirits of every single person in the room glowing around you. All the doubts that an acoustic show wasn't going to feel right with social distancing rules melted away! We danced and sang along like those tables weren't in the way the first night. "Whiskey in My Cup" "Grew Up In The Country" and "Molly" had us all on our feet grooving. We were treated to covers by The Black Crowes, Jason Isbell, and The Allman Brothers, in addition to fan favorites and new songs from their upcoming album expected to release in September—and we are stoked for it.

My heart and soul were happier those two nights than they'd been for the past three months. I sang my way back to Indiana..caught myself sing at work on Monday too!”

The magic wasn’t solely felt by the HHMR team—the air was saturated with it and everyone in the room had a taste that left them yearning for more. Below are a few comments from TDR fans:

“The first show post lock-down came with more enjoyment than just the music. We were super excited for the chance to get back out and hear live music! Them Dirty Roses were the last band we got to see prior to the lock-down. Now, it turns out that Them Dirty Roses would be the first post lock-down. The music was great! What we didn't anticipate was the joy it also brought by seeing so many friends with smiling faces! It was amazing to be seen again and to hear two nights of wonderful tunes!”

—Bud Gambrell

“Went to the Friday show and it was a group of guys that were ready for a show. They were the last band we saw before the Coronavirus shut things down in Huntsville. Looking forward to seeing them again.”

—Kevin Boyd

“The first show post quarantine was like something wonderful that I had been deprived of for a long time. I think sometimes we don't see how many things that surround us in life we take for granted. I see at least two live music shows a month. During the summer, I probably go to 2-3 shows a week. Honestly, it seemed like such a wonderful release and something that people needed. Everybody has something that feeds their spirit—mine is music. Being deprived of other people and the things we love are just some of the things that add to that depression that comes with the whole quarantine/covid situation. So, being around friends and music felt really great and normal. It seemed like life may be getting back to normal finally. I smiled all night!”

—Jerolyn Davis

“Needless to say, Them Dirty Roses put on one hell of a show two nights in a row, which was just what I needed after the almost three month drought of no live music! The fact that they were the last live show for me before everything shut down is kinda ironic and cool at the same time. I'm also very thankful to Sidetracks for putting on the shows, they rock!”

—Robin Huff

Guitarist Andrew Davis was on the same wavelength as many in attendance. When asked his thoughts on performing again post-pandemic, he said: “In March, the future of the entire industry was uncertain. We all knew that April was going to be postponed, but we couldn't even imagine postponing or cancelling the entire festival season. Then, weeks later, exactly that happened. With all of the uncertainty surrounding the future of our industry, it was very reassuring to get back out and play again. It definitely answered a lot of lingering questions about whether or not people would rush back to live venues.”

After last weekend, it seems life will slowly, but surely, get back on track and all will be right in our world again. Until that day comes, be sure to support live music and independent venues—such as Sidetracks who has hosted many fabulous performers like Anderson East, The Steel Woods, Black Stone Cherry, Adam Hood, Kingfish, Ritch Henderson, Muscadine Bloodline, Whitey Morgan and the 78s, and many, many more in addition to TDR—in whatever manner you can so that we have them to return to when COVID-19 restrictions are lifted nation-wide. And don’t forget to keep your eyes peeled for that new Them Dirty Roses record to release this fall—it’s without a doubt some of their best work. In the meantime, keep up with the band and their tour schedule at www.themdirtyroses.com and @themdirtyroses on both Facebook and Instagram.

As always, stay safe, spread love, and be kind to one another. See y’all down the road!

✌🏻💙🎶—Lyssa

*This is an independent review. The Hillbilly Hippie Music Review was not compensated for this review.

*The opinions expressed are solely that of the author(s).

*Fan quotes have been edited for conciseness and clarity.

*These images are not ours, not do we claim them in any way. They are copyrighted by Todd Dean with Butterdean Photography, Linda Owens, & Lyssa Culbertson.

[hellohongkong-blog2]

COVID-19 19: Laura Cozijnsen

“Laura you are being irrational you wanted masks but you got disposable gloves!”

To start off the COVID-19 19 interview series, I invited Laura Cozijnsen for a discussion at her office in Tsim Sha Tsui on a Thursday morning. Laura is the founder of Lighthouse Consultancy,   a communications consultancy delivering diverse public relation campaigns and events with high profile clients such as Tai Kwun, HKUST and HKIA. Alongside Laura’s entrepreneurial success at Lighthouse, she is an award-winning MC and public speaker hosting events such as the 2010 Expo in Shanghai. With Laura’s longstanding involvement and commitment for Hong Kong’s communications industry, this interview hopefully reveals a glimpse into the potential changes and innovations Lighthouse Consultancy and the larger creative industries will have to go through in order to adapt with COVID-19. And as much as it is important to consider the new corporate strategies set in motion, I also wanted to know how Laura was personally coping with the pandemic whether it be with how she greets her dog when she comes back from work or on the political nature of the face mask. Everyone in Hong Kong has their own memories of SARS and now COVID-19, and this is Laura Cozijnsen’s:

T: Reflecting on the past, what was your understanding and experience of SARS in 2003?

L: 2003, I was working for a media company starting in Hong Kong.  I remember vividly that it was very scary. The times were scary. Scary in a sense, there is almost like this fog of fear around hong kong. I think it was scarier then now. I remember vividly because my role back then was a regional role. I had to travel to Singapore, Malaysia and Indonesia. We had a few trips planned before SARS. There was this Singaporean company who called us and said “please don’t come to Singapore, you are from the SARS zone”. And I felt so bad, we always felt so welcomed to have meetings and then we could dine out. And then all of a sudden all we got was “you’re from the SARS zone”. It was also a time when I felt…we felt collectively sad. And the loss of medical professionals - the doctors, the nurses and the caregivers all live in our memories. And of course Amoy Gardens and the area around it, no one wanted to be near the buildings. That was how scary it was.

T: I wrote an essay before this all happened - an essay focusing on illness narratives. I wrote about how prevention was also part of an illness really, because it was a social reaction. So I wrote about the prevention methods in the United Kingdom versus Hong Kong. It reminded me that one time, I told my mom that I was going to a birthday party buffet in the Metropole Hotel in Mong Kok. I didn’t know at the time, because they changed their names and everything. So my mom was like “What’s wrong with you?”.

L: I think it was different from now. SARS was more a Hong Kong/China thing. At the beginning of coronavirus, it felt very much the same. There was China and there was Hong Kong. No one knew that it would blow up in the rest of the world. And now it felt like it was the whole world going through this. And from a financial perspective, it’s worse now. Because SARS was just here, and now the rest of the world. I think, is this nature’s way of telling us like “wake up”. No one can escape.

I had a friend in the UK that caught coronavirus. She is from Hong Kong, she works in London. Her mom visited her in January and her mom came back early March, after staying with her for two months. And the tests at the airports, she was confirmed as a case. And then my friend started feeling coughs and heavy breathing, and it was only then that she realised that she might have coronavirus. She was not tested, because they said we do not have enough test. So the numbers…what does a number mean?

T: You touched on it briefly, but how has it changed in 2020? And especially in the earlier months, when it felt so much more like an “asian problem”. What was your perspective in Hong Kong?

L: I thought it would be like SARS. Okay, as long as we continue doing the precautions we will be okay. But then there was also this scare of the lack of masks. Everybody was trying to get a mask. You know the internet meme of “two boxes please”? When someone says, I have a source and then you respond with “two boxes please”. That has become a joke amongst friends but that was the most scary. Because we had no idea we would need so many masks. And it was Chinese New Year. The Wuhan lockdown was 25th of January. And that really sent a message. I should send you my Facebook Live, I did a facebook live on the survey results. It was amazing, the day Hong Kong people started wearing masks was before the Wuhan lockdown. So why would we know, how come we can predict that we need to wear masks? It was before the first confirmed case in Hong Kong. So there was this collective memory of this type of illness, and the knee-jerk reaction of us needing to do this.

This was so funny, one day like many others I was trying to get a box of mask for myself and my mother who does not live with me. I went all over the neighbourhood trying to get masks. We ended up at a grocery store, and the saleslady said “We ran out of masks, why don’t you get some gloves?”. I think the irrationality got the better of me, I bought two boxes of gloves. So it’s still sitting in my kitchen, unused. That was the moment where I realised “Laura you are being irrational you wanted masks but you got disposable gloves!”. I think it was also realising that the death rate in Hong Kong was much less than SARS in Hong Kong was reassuring. But yes, that was the early days.

T: Especially the HKU Prevention of Diseases department, they continued to speak out even after Carrie Lam was asking citizens to not wear a mask. And the team at HKU, they were like “please wear a mask!”.

L: There are so many mixed messages! I think a lot of them come out and say “don’t wear a mask because there is a shortage”. If you don’t have enough stock, you should be clear about it. We have stock for how many days, what’s the best alternatives. You cannot say you do not have to wear one, it is irresponsible. When you look at the statistics, how the growth was being contained in certain cities you realise mask wearing helps. When you look at the President of the United States, he does not even wear a mask, he does not wear a mask in the hospital.

Which brings to the question - how do we select our leaders, how are our leaders being selected and why are they our leaders?

When I was writing my thesis, inevitably people would start talking about the Anti-Mask Law, last year in Hong Kong for the protests. But I think as researchers in that role, we report what is being brought up. And its totally okay, with people there has to be politics.

I think we should provide all medical and sanitation staffs a bonus and a longer holiday after this. Because they work their asses off. I’ve got close friends working in public hospitals that were so stressed, understandably stressed. You also see the beauty of someone going into the Dirty Team with SARS experience, bringing in new nurses and doctors who do not have SARS experience. Hopefully that would educate them and help them understand what it is like. There is a good thing going on as well, those who have experienced it say, “I need to do this because I want the second and third generation of caretakers to know what it's like.”.

T: Going on more of a business perspective, since industries have been pushed into a digital realm during COVID-19, how has that changed working in event management?

L: I think there are a few layers, when you see something that is such a change that is so abrupt. I would think the first thing to do is internal stabilising within the company. In early Feb, we talked about how COVID-19 would affect us as an industry and what we have to brace ourselves for. Every month we have a “situation room meeting”. We basically talk about how business is, what it is going to be like. So internal is phase one. The second is facing external but not in terms of switching gears but understanding what our clients are facing. Because we are all human. They might be afraid of losing their job or bottom line. So really understanding their concerns is what is important. And the thought then would be to switch gears or to think about new things. It would hopefully in the next year that hybrid events could be an option. Once we have this, we can go back and have internal education and the talk yesterday for clients we can reassure them and tell them that we have done this before.

Everything begins with the team, then to understand what the market and client wants and then do it instead of jumping right in. Because without an internal support or understanding you can never do it well. Of course during this time period, all companies are under a lot of stress. It is a time to tell people’s virtues and real characters.

T: Do you think it will change the future of physical events, do you think people will be less willing to participate since you do specific location based events?

L: I think there is going to be a push and pull. There will be a switch in terms of the proportions for a while. And if digital picks up and serves the purpose then we will see events in a different light. Digital events will become less of a ‘nice to have’ and more of a main thing. The benefits have not been capitalised before. I do think that physical events are important because we are human beings, we crave social interactions and seeing each other. But it will be very different.

T: Thinking about your colleagues at work, since they are younger do you think their understanding of SARS is vastly different to yours?

L: I don’t think a lot of them remember, I think at least you have to be 30 years old to have good memory of SARS because it was 17 years ago. To pick up a new thing it does not necessarily have to be for young people, you might see older generations willing to pick up new things. It does not mean that young people will be more accepting to change. So I think the future of education is about growing a generation of agility, flexibility and change. Instead of having to tell students to take ten subjects and pass all of them.

T: How have you and your personal circle (family and friends) been coping with COVID-19?

L: It’s interesting, I get to see more friends now than before. We will call each other more. Before, I had a busier schedule. I do not think that without COVID-19, I would have met so many friends if that can be considered a plus. Family - my mother has been through SARS, she is okay. She has more supplies than she needs, but her only thing is that she is a big church person. So I was teaching her how to use Facebook to watch mass.

T: My grandma does that too! She tells me, “Yes we can go to mass together online!”.

L: I think that has changed, my mom is 78 and she can still learn which is pretty amazing. I also think the world has slowed down. And for us to realise when there is less work, what is important. It is the friends and family that we have. I have friends who paid horrendous amounts of money just to get their kids to get back on the soonest flight. I asked them, “Can you wait for a week? It would be maybe 1/10th of the price.”. And they responded with, “No it must be today.”.

T: This question is more of a precursor to developing one of my other projects, something I want to extend beyond this interview series: In terms of understanding the political nature of the mask, what is your opinion on Hong Kong’s culture of donning masks?

L: I think mask wearing in Hong Kong is a constructed social defence, because that is something we can do. It is almost like psychologically I can do something about it. SARS has redefined for us what a mask is. Because it used to be if you were sick or for a medical staff. But now after SARS, if it is the flu season, you see a lot more people wearing masks. Especially now, according to my research, it is 96% of Hong Kong people wear a mask. Maybe every now and then before the pandemic, someone wearing a mask would be not judged that much. So in fact, the social judgement can change. And not to mention last year, the anti-mask law, and now people see differently. It is something that we feel i can control - both on a hygiene level and on a choice level. So I will do it.

T: How do you feel about the anti-mask law? How did others go about it? Because when I first heard of that law I wondered what people who were sick would go about their day. Even if you were stopped by authorities how can you really prove that you are sick?

L: Personally I was quite resistant to the anti-mask law because I think it is a personal choice. Of course there is a discussion with those who would be held responsible in the eyes of the law with those participating in unauthorised rallies but I still think this is a human right. I think we should want to choose whether we want to wear a mask or not. Of course if a police officer needs to check my HKID for whatever reason, they can request me to temporarily take off my mask. But you cannot say you cannot wear a mask. It’s like if its for religious purposes, oh you cannot wear a veil. It just does not make sense. Or by telling people that you cannot wear a mask it makes people want to wear a mask, its a kind of reverse psychology.

T: I would like to talk about the situation in Mainland China. There are videos on the Internet of people coughing on lift buttons. Now, I do not know if these videos are one hundred percent real or staged. But even the very act of filming it or recording it from a security camera, what does that mean for the health and safety for people living their day to day lives?

L: I feel the most sorry for the people in Wuhan. I think they would require a lot of support after this because it is like where the nuclear bomb hit, right? You didn’t know it was happening, it happened, you didn’t know how to react, you didn’t know who to trust, and you’re just trying to fight for your life. And it is so sad to see videos of people living there and reporters trying to cover footage, its such a quiet city. It is a city that needs a lot of love. And politics is one thing but we always need to remember we are all people, whatever political affiliations we have we are human beings. And imagine that feeling in Wuhan, is like the feeling of being in SARS in Hong Kong. Like, “Fuck, what’s going on? What’s going to happen next?”. I still remember during SARS when I go home, I’d take off all my clothes and then run straight to the bathroom and take a shower before I’d play with my dog. And my dog would be looking at me like (makes confused face). Even now, its not as serious. I would go home, wash my hands and then take off my mask and change into home clothes and then I’ll play with my dog. But she still looks at me confused. And I’m sure people with kids as well. Just imagine doctors and nurses with kids, they (kids) don’t understand. If this is happening to us, we aren’t even in the epicentre. Imagine those in the epicentre.

T: I remember when they did the lockdown in Wuhan, initially they said it was two weeks. But when I saw the lorries barricading the city. I thought to myself, “This is not for two weeks. This is something very serious.”

L: I think for us in communication there is a lot to learn. How should we communicate? What should we communicate? And I think the Taiwan government this time has done a good job. There is so much to learn from them, how they communicated, what to say and what not to say. It is not a parental way of ruling, it is more like how can we work together. I think it is a lot to learn in terms of communications and media.