#anon advice

[dmsr-art]

i'm getting married this year!! any advice on married life? <3

OMG CONGRATS ANON!!

ok... my biggest piece of advice is just to listen to ur spouse and learn to admit when u are wrong. mr vee is my best friend but that doesn't mean we haven't had really bad arguments 😭 but part of what made them so bad was bc i was more concerned with winning the argument and thinking of the next thing i was going to say in rebuttal rather than actually listening to him. i have gotten WAY better about this.

tldr: learn to communicate!!

maybe u and ur future spouse are already good at this, but there's always room for improvement. if ur anything like me tho and like to argue then u may have ur work cut out for u >_>

my other pieces of advice: talk shit together >:3 the joy and bonding from being a hater with ur spouse is unmatched

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

I keep getting called a Karen by a few women at my work and I don’t know what to do, as I am a white woman and the women bullying me are in fact black women, and I’ve not done anything other than just started my new job there and all I can think is that they didn’t like me asking questions about what it’s like there etc. and I didn’t say or do anything that can be considered or said to be racist? One of them said as we were finishing that nobody would side with a white woman over them and they’d spread my name online and end me. I’m seriously depressed about this whole situation as my new job was a move and promotion that I wanted for a long time and now with these women targeting me I don’t know what to do. As who will believe me as it doesn’t seem like these sort of women bullying me are ever going to be stopped doing what they’re doing to innocent women like me that have seriously not done anything wrong as even though I’m a left wing progressive woman I don’t feel that non-minorities are listened to by these sort of faux claims of racism, sexism and bullying /abuse etc.

First, if you haven't already, you need to loop your boss and HR in immediately. Right now. If your boss or HR admin is one of these ladies, go above her. Stick just to the facts about what happened when you report what's happening. If you already have reported it, follow up. Say "The issues I reported to you on XX date are still happening and it's still causing (or now causing) X, Y, Z impact to A, B, C deliverables/results, and they are also now making B and C threats of retaliation. What suggestions do you have to address this?"

Second, lock your social media down tight. Restrict your visibility to friends only. Exclude your accounts/profiles from searches.

Third, document. Document, document, document. Every interaction you have with these ladies. Everything you've said, everything they've said, as verbatim as possible as you can remember. Include dates, times, locations, and witnesses/bystanders. If there's any harassment over messages (emails, texts, Slack, etc.) include screenshots in your write-ups. Do it immediately after every interaction you have with each one of them, whether individually or in groups. Also document every discussion you've had with your boss(es) and/or HR about these ladies/these situations too.

After writing it up, immediately email it to yourself - your work email and your personal email. If you have your own printer, print them out too and keep paper files in a locked drawer the ladies don't have access to or at your home.

This documentation is important because it creates a paper trail. If the ladies escalate, you have documentation proving your role (or lack thereof). If the company fails to protect you, you have documentation describing and showing what they didn't do.

I'm just going to be direct here. We live in a time where white people - white women especially - have to be very careful about what we say and do. It doesn't matter what our allyship is or our politics or what we think is right or how much credibility someone does or doesn't have. So when you make these reports, when you do this documentation, leave all of that out of it. Stick only to the facts, which is "I was in Conference Room 1 with Jane, Lisa, Sue, and Joe on Tuesday, April 2, 2024, for a discussion about X that took place between 1:30pm - 2:15pm. {{Discussion summary}} At approximately 2:15pm when the meeting ended, I said A. Lisa said B, then Joe said C. Our interaction ended at approximately 2:20pm when I returned to my office alone." Leave the feelings out, leave the justification out, leave your perspective out, leave your allyship and your politics out. Stick only to the facts.

If I had to guess about what's happening here, it's probably that one of those ladies applied for your job, didn't get the position, and now she's taking it out on you and enlisted her friends to help.

And if you'd like more help, take a look at Ask A Manager. She's an HR manager who has a ton of experience in managing people and the blog is an amazing resource for any/all kinds of career advice. Here are a bunch of here pages about dealing with bullies and toxic colleagues that you might find helpful as well.

[violent138]

I write fic summaries two ways. Either a section of the fic that grabs you but also gets along the general premise. Or I go with a plot without the main twist, then the twist. Like a lead up.

So like if it's like a Wings AU.

"Hey, DumbWing, would you move it!? Your blocking half of Crime Alley with those things!" Jason barked, shoving him aside.

"Well, you try spontaneous growing wings, and then tell me how easy it is to keep them in check!"

Or for the lead up

Dick always loved flying through the air, on the trapeze or a grapple. Sure, he could be a bit superfluous with the flips and all, but he loved it!

Out of all the spells Dick could have been hit with, he's not so sure how bad this one could be. After all, now his hero namesake makes sense! If only these wings were meant for more urban life.

Hey that's really good advice (and a hilarious set of dialogue if you winged it ;)). Now to find this leading dialogue/draft the lead up...

And dude, now I'm going to be looking for Wings AUs (first I've heard of them, but that would be so cool to see the Batfam figure out). Thank you!

[missathlete31]

While instagram followers don't mean anything for his career, I want to reassure everyone that people in Hollywood won't give a single shit about this whole "scandal". Glen handled it gracefully, and it wasn't scandalous enough for producers to care. Seriously, don't worry about it.

I’m taking this as law anon because I need to focus on the good news of having more Glen on our screens!!!! Please let this whole nonsense fade away and Glen be happy again!

[angelsinluv]

angel ilysm!! i get that people are desperate and in hard situations but yall, get a backbone PAH-LEASEEEE

i was also desperate at one point and tried getting into the void every night for over a month even then no matter how desperate i was i never begged for anyones help because thats just embarrassing, how can you claim to be god and beg someone else for something but then i gave up on the void because i owe it to myself to stop being pathetic and i actually starting living in the end and my life has been so much better. imaging is so fun and just fulfilling myself through the day is so much easier than hating myself for most of the time and then when going to sleep i would exhaust myself for the void

anons act like blogs refusing to manifest for them is a personal attack when in reality they are spending time to make posts and answer questions FOR FREE istg if you pay someone to manifest for you, you will never be fulfilled bc sure you might get your desires buttt you will always feel powerless because you are placing the power on everything and everyone but yourself when neville literally says you only need self, you only need to change self, everyone is a reflection of self so manifest for yourself by yourself

im sorry if this comes off as rude or invalidating anyones situations (which i have no intention of doing, but saying it in a calm way clearly havnt gotten people anywhere) but im only saying this so desperate people (who i was once like) can live happily and finally understand their worth

now go manifest your desires lovlie--

-oh wait...

you already have them calm down there is nothing else left to do. read a book, watch a movie hang out with some people, enjoy yourself cuz you are free.

ILYM! ur amazing for this and literally i had that void obsession too it was NOT fun 😭 and i love the self emphasis! congrats on growing from that phase and falling in love with imagination!

[scarletlizzard]

Coming here to rant because i love you

My ex and i talked a little montttthhhs after our breakup. To me, she was everything and it seemed to be the same for her but she stopped loving me slowly and eventually left me, then came back and left me again. She admited not really caring about my feelings for a while AND OKAY that was hard for me. It was hard to get over her and feel likable again. But as i said, we talked after few months not as friends but just.. Exs i guess

Anyway, she told me about her guy ex and her girl crush and it felt devastating because it was like.. 8 months ? And she got over me SO FAST fell for two people and i was there, still dealing with the fact that i wouldnt be with her anymore 🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️

I felt so sad all over again, and embarrassed. I didnt really fully answer those texts and she hasnt tried to talk to me again

It feels like she just came back to say "look, i got over you so easily" and left again

I dont love her anymore, i feel sad tho. She was my first girlfriend it was very serious, our relationship lasted 2 years

Thanks for being cool with me to rant anon!! I probably give terrible advice but I'm sure someone will post back with great words lol. I'll give you this

How they did you was totally wrong. It's not okay to just drop people whenever you want just because you can. The most important thing in a relationship is to be honest and open, on both ends. There's no excuse for how they treated you. I'm truly sorry to hear that! And then to come back and brag is really shitty.

Another thing, people love at different paces. It's hard but it's true. Sometimes people fall fast and hard, others need time and patience. Both still have to have the human decency to be nice. It's not hard!

You deserve the world, anon! A first love is very powerful, but that's all it is. A first love. There will be a second, maybe a third, and so on. There are sooo many people on this planet all over. Someone out there is going to treat you right and make you feel like you're important, you matter, and you're loved.

Anyone else who treats you any type of way is not the one for you.

Feel free to reach out with anything. You're a beautiful human! I hope you have an amazing night 💕💕💕

[notesonartistry]

Can you please advise me on what to do? I follow few haylor blogs who used to do mostly harmless shipping earlier and I loved some of the song analysis. However, post joever they became a little unhinged and started making all joe songs about harry. I was too mad at joe so I could care less. However, now they are insuating that Travis wants to get back with his ex. and taylor just wants to rub it on Joe and Harry's face. I am getting really mad at their takes and it is spoiling my mood. I don't want to break the mutual but they are starting to insult taylor when she does something they dont want her to do. Actively wishing for someone else's relationship to break is sickening to me.

It sounds like they've lost the plot a bit tbh. I don't understand why some people feel the need to treat Taylor like a character rather than a human being. If you don't want to break the mutual, then you could filter the content or tags so that you don't see the types of posts that are upsetting you. You just need to go into settings and add the tags/words you want to filter. You might need to adjust depending if too much or not enough gets filtered - especially if they don't usually use tags.

I gotta be honest tho anon, unless these were people I knew pretty well, I wouldn't hesitate to unfollow. It sounds like the kind of content they're posting isn't what you want to see anymore and I think it's very important to keep this place as somewhere fun to follow Taylor/other interests and discuss all the goings on.

You're in charge of your dashboard so make it work for you. I know it can be difficult to take that step though, so hopefully filtering will make life easier.

[honeypleasejustkillme]

What do you do in a situation where your fp is the opposite of me and Is detached while I’m emotional. They told me they loved me and I was their best friend but only while drunk. When sober he’s so cold…I just want him to love me like I love him

well, usually alcohol and other substances can usually bring out the emotional/sentimental side of people.. so he might just be closed off but still have emotions. over time if you’re still getting closer you’ll probably reach that side of him..

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Re: anon being bullied at work. I know that it’s illegal, but i’d add recording these encounters on top of rumour’s excellent advice. If you have your phone with you, just hit the record button every time you are with these bullies. It’ll help you remember what you need for the documentations. And if they cross over into illegality, you might be able to capture it. It’s a hard situation that you are in, and i feel for you, but please don’t let them win. I say that as a black woman who sees all this BS and feel sorry for my white friends being subjected to this BS. Please know that there are black people like me. Not all of us subscribe to this nonsense. It demeans us. It demeans everyone. 

*************

Yes, recording is a great option but please be careful about it. Definitely learn what your state’s consent law is (e.g. are you in a two-party state or are you in a one-party state) to protect yourself as well.

And really, don’t forget about HR. Yes, HR/Human Resources is there to protect the company and not the individual employee, but you’re in a situation where the company is being exposed and could be held liable for what these women are doing. That makes what you’re dealing with an HR problem so if your HR people are smart, they will see that.

Some more suggestions from another anon who wanted to stay private:

* If you can have your meetings with them virtually, try to do so and  any time you’re in a virtual meeting, request it to be recorded. Sometimes when people like your bullies know they’re being recorded and monitored, they may behave.

* Consult your EAP (Employee Assistance Program) about what benefits you may have for mental health support.

* Consider getting your own lawyer. Hopefully your boss/leadership team/HR is wonderful enough that you won’t need to take it to a lawyer, but having a lawyer (even if it’s just a legal aid clerk from a law school’s clinic) in your back pocket can bring an immense sense of security because you know you have a backup plan if the company won’t help.

[ksyongi]

i would block these accounts. i too got like 3-4 of them following me in the last few days and many people around me said the same. it's probably a bot wave - nothing too unusual for tumblr I wouldn't open or reply to messages they send and definitely not click on any links in either their profiles or messages.

thank you sm anon😭 i actually thought they wanted to read my content etc and i'd feel guilty removing them,, but now it makes sense to do so, thank you!!!<3

[bradshawsbaby]

ok i need help!!

i have a friend i graduated high school with , who’s in the navy now, and he back home for christmas. we have been off and on flirting for a hot minute.

do i invite him for coffee tomorrow because i planned to do some school anyway but idk if i should invite him

If you want to see him, I say do it!!! Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

I feel like going out for coffee is chill and low-key, and always a good option when you’re just starting to spend time with someone or want to feel things out.

Keep us posted either way! ☕️☺️

[lokisgoodgirl]

Heyyy 😃

I’m fairly new in the whole writing game but I’m struggling with the taglist. Your opinion would be amazing ❣️

What should I do when someone wants to be on it but doesn’t really interact with my stories at all? I don’t know if I should really make the effort and add them to my tags if they’re like… silent?

Hello my dear! Its a tough one isn't it. I totally understand that not everyone feels comfortable leaving words, but let's be honest you don't actually need to add words.

A bookmark, an emoji, an empty reblog don't take much effort or putting your head above the parapit as a reader if you've asked to be tagged imo to let the writer know you've read something 😊

I'm of the opinion that people have busy lives and I don't expect anyone to read something I post straight away.

However if there is someone who is not engaging at all consistently over a sustained period of time then I stop tagging them under the assumption they are not fussed, which is fine.

Tagging fics is a total pain in the bum and takes ages to get right and even then doesn't work sometimes as you probably know ❤️

TLDR: Basically if someone is a chronic ghost tag I stop doing it for both our sakes🥰 obviously if they've taken a T break/ ask to be re-added i will but I just feel like it's rude. Like I'm imposing myself on them. Lol.

[blizzardfluffykpop]

Update to the last ask…….

My dad is now acting like nothing happened and my mom Claims it was the alcohol talking but to me, it doesn't matter. what happened the night still hurt me he still said those hurtful words and now I'm not acting like I used to and I only see a stronger. I thought parents were supposed to love you and protect you but it's them the ones that make the biggest damage. Now I don't talk to my dad like I used to I burly look him in the eye and I try to not spend too much time around him so he won't call me a burden again. Now that I look back I kind of raised myself I did everything on my own I never asked for help with homework when I was at school and before I started to work I burly asked him for anything so for him to say all that really hurts. And I feel broken and unloved. I don't know what's like to be loved or to be told that you are important all I get is the end of the stick calling me extra or whatever but sometimes I wish I could disappear and maybe everyone would be happier I only bring stress and annoyance to people.

The advice you gave me really helped thank you so much ❤️

Oh bub... Thank you for the update and pls feel free to update me whenever!

You don't deserve that- you're owed more than a proper apology. And him brushing it off like it didn't happen... And the alcohol excuse is lame. And you're right- it doesn't matter. What they said to you and what transpired was wrong- and cruel. I see why you see him as a stranger. I've seen my dad as one too a lot of my life. That's exactly what parents are supposed to do. They are supposed to love unconditionally, take care of you, and protect you even well after you are 18... It sucks that yours don't want to do so. Their job once they have kids never ends- they're supposed to be there for you- not throw you to the wolves. They're supposed to be someone safe to return to. I'm so sorry you didn't get the parents you deserved. No one deserves to be treated the way you have been.

I want you to know that hwvr you feel like being around your dad is the right choice. You do not have to talk to him or engage or do anything that would make you feel unsafe. I want you to know that you are not burden. He fucking knew what he signed up for when he had you. And now he's not upholding his bargain. You're not a burden. You are anything but that, okay? I promise you that.

Sadly, the only way we can connect dots is when we look back. And I'm sorry these are the dots you have to connect. I was the same way- I raised myself too. And I'm sorry you had to have that experience too. A kid shouldn't have to... And I didn't ask for help on homework and until I got a job- I learned not to ask for anything either. I know it sucks when you hear someone say 'I understand how you feel' but I genuinely do. That part of my life is greatly the same... Anyways- I hope you use your money to buy yourself things that make you happy even if they're small. I hope you know you were never a burden. He was wrong to say that (along with everything else he's said). What he said was uncalled for and hurtful.

All you feel is valid, okay? You have every right to feel that. But I hope you know that there are going to be people who will love every piece of you. And that your parents aren't the end all be all to that safety/happiness/love. They are just a starting point (at least for us)- and you're going to find better and better people I promise you that. You don't know it right now. But you will. I know so- why? Because I thought the same. And now while I am still stuck here. I've found people who love and care for me. A concept I thought was implausible... I promise you'll find genuine people. (it may take a bit too- but just know not everyone can be what you need- you may need 10-20 friends just to fill even the smallest of gaps). But for now, I want you to know that I'm your friend.

And bubba- I know you want to think you are a form of stress and annoyance to people. But you're not. If your dad or mom said that or made you think that. I want you to know that they were completely wrong. Money is a source of stress. Taxes and work are forms of stress. Loving someone and receiving love- isn't supposed to be stressful. You are not supposed to feel like you are an annoyance to people. You aren't. Someday you'll get to move out "disappear" and I promise you that. You just have to work towards that. And it seems like it'll take "forever" but you'll get there.

A little advice for today:

It might be hard but if it's possible- I want you to try to make friends in real life. It'll sound silly until I explain. If you hang out with enough friends and are at work the other times outside of sleeping. Doesn't matter if you come to huffy puffy asking you where you've been all day. It'll keep you out of the house. And it'll keep you safe and it'll help you stay sane. I won't lie it is hard to make and maintain friendships. And only do what will be non-exhaustive for you. It might be hard- but you may have to set into boundaries (which may be difficult to do at first too). But I want you to know these friends and acitivies you do with them- will keep you out of that house. And I want you to know that you never have to tell your friends what it's like at home. Okay? If that doesn't make you feel safe- you can just gloss over what your parents are like/do. Say your dad is like mine and is into cars- that's what you tell them about him. You don't have to go further. You can protect yourself and gloss over things until you feel comfortable, okay?

This "glossing over" bit may sound awful- like you are protecting your abusers. I want you to know that- it's not protecting them. It's keeping you from falling apart when you talk about it. Because these wounds are so fresh. And esp because you're just starting to uncover these wounds... So, until you are ready to talk about it with others- you don't have to. But again- I will reiterate the point that you are my friend, and you can come to me. Okay? I'll be here every step of the way.

Feel free to reach out whenever- even if it's for the smallest thing, okay?

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Writing References: Character Development

50 Questions ⚜ Backstory ⚜ Character-driven Story

Basics: How to Write a Character ⚜ A Story-Worthy Hero

Basics: Character-Building ⚜ Character Creation

Types of Characters: Key Characters ⚜ Literary Characters ⚜ Flat & Round Characters ⚜ Morally Grey ⚜ Narrators ⚜ Allegorical Characters ⚜ Archetypes ⚜ Stereotypical Characters

Worksheets: Backstory ⚜ Character ⚜ Kill your Characters ⚜ Antagonist; Villain; Fighting ⚜ Change; Adding Action; Conflict ⚜ Character Sketch & Bible ⚜ Protagonist & Antagonist ⚜ Name; Quirks; Flaws; Motivation ⚜ "Interviewing" your Characters ⚜ "Well-Rounded" Character

Personality Traits

5 Personality Traits (OCEAN) ⚜ 16 Personality Traits (16PF)

600+ Personality Traits ⚜ 170 Quirks

East vs. West Personalities ⚜ Trait Theories

Tips/Editing

Character Issues ⚜ Character Tropes for Inspiration

"Strong" Characters ⚜ Unlikable to Likable

Tips from Rick Riordan

Writing Notes

Binge ED ⚜ Hate ⚜ Love ⚜ Identifying Character Descriptions

Childhood Bilingualism ⚜ Children's Dialogue ⚜ On Children

Culture ⚜ Culture: Two Views ⚜ Culture Shock

Dangerousness ⚜ Flaws ⚜ Fantasy Creatures

Emotional Intelligence ⚜ Genius (Giftedness)

Emotions (1) (2) ⚜ Anger ⚜ Fear ⚜ Happiness ⚜ Sadness

Emotional Universals ⚜ External & Internal Journey

Goals & Motivations ⚜ Grammar Development ⚜ Habits

Facial Expressions ⚜ Jargon ⚜ Swearing & Taboo Expressions

Happy/Excited Body Language ⚜ Laughter & Humor

Health ⚜ Frameworks of Health ⚜ Memory

Mutism ⚜ Shyness ⚜ Parenting Styles ⚜ Generations

Psychological Reactions to Unfair Behavior

Rhetoric ⚜ The Rhetorical Triangle ⚜ Logical Fallacies

Thinking ⚜ Thinking Styles ⚜ Thought Distortions

Uncommon Words: Body ⚜ Emotions

Villains ⚜ Voice & Accent

Writing References: Plot ⚜ World-building

[notesonartistry]

do u have any saving tips? i'm trying to save $5,000 next year

My saving tip would be to look at all the little things that add up - getting a takeaway coffee regularly, getting food deliveries instead of cooking or buying groceries that go to waste.

I'm not saying to cut little treats out completely - we all need to live as well as save! However, keeping an eye on these types of spending will all help get you closer to your target. You could also check if your bank does the top-up thing where it rounds up any transactions to the nearest $ and puts the extra into a savings account.

It works out as just under $14 per day if your aim is to have $5000 by the end of the year. Good luck anon!!

[honeypleasejustkillme]

How do I know if I have a crush or if this is just a FP situation…

hm id say it depends on how deeply you feel for them,, if you like them but (let’s go to extremes here) you wouldn’t die for them then you probably just have a crush on them but if you love them so much you’d die for them if something were to ever happen, that might be a fp situation.. that’s usually how i base things, if i can’t bear the thought of losing them because i don’t know how i’d cope.. that’s a fp situation for me