#I know I'm also guilty of saying some of these

[lavnderwonu]

So High School | Kim Mingyu

pairing: fiancé!mingyu x pregnant!fem!reader

rating: fluff, mature

genre: non-idol au, slice of life, established relationship

summary: you and your fiancé haven't discussed the idea of you having children, but with your wedding approaching, the idea of starting a family with him has been on your mind.

warnings: please read ALL! contains smut! not much but a little! (!!!) some time skips, reader gets pregnant, planned pregnancy, reader's mom loves mingyu, reader deals with morning sickness (for my fellow emetophobics this may be triggering!), minwon coworkers mentioned, smut warnings: creampie, unprotected sex, multiple rounds mentioned, backshots, fingering.

word count: 3k

AHEM! go listen to so high school by taylor swift (perhaps while you read!)

author's note!: i listened to taylor waaaay too much while i was writing this, as you can probably tell by the title 🫣 what can i say! guilty. my first time writing slice of life au! i had fun lowkey. AGHHH i just love writing cute mingyu esp when it involves future dad mingyu. the song lyrics are meant to be spacers for the time-skips btw! shoutout to @jenoslutie for also supporting my vision with this 💋 muah xo

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I feel so high school every time I look at you, I wanna find you in a crowd just to hide from you...

Mingyu was your dream man in many ways than one. The perfect boy to bring home to your parents, cooked delicious meals for you, and overall made you feel safe. 

You two had been engaged for months now, and wedding planning was well underway, the date set for early into the new year. As if it wasn’t stressful enough, your mom had already started questioning whether the two of you had wanted children, or planned to in the future. The answer was always the same,

“Mom, I don’t know… we haven’t talked about it into a lot of detail… maybe later on…” or “C’mon, we’re still young, Mom!” 

Mingyu didn’t know any of this, and you’d probably never tell him, not wanting him to feel pressured by your badgering mother. You both knew you wanted children eventually, but you never talked that far into the future.

But… you also thought… maybe you would want to have children, if it was with Mingyu. 

Mingyu would be the father to play dress up and makeovers with your daughter, have tea parties with her, or play with faux tools with your son and pretend to fix things, and play with plastic dinosaurs.

You couldn't picture anybody that would be more perfect to do it with than him.

Are you gonna marry, kiss, or kill me? It's just a game, but really I'm bettin' on all three for us two...

Mingyu stands at the kitchen counter, cooking dinner like he usually does, and he usually insists since he gets home a little earlier from work than you do most days. 

You come from the kitchen after changing out of your work clothes to see him chopping garlic as a pot is boiling on the stove. 

“What are you making?”

“Agio e olio,” Mingyu responds, looking up to smile at you briefly. “I know it’s your favorite, and you said you were craving it.”

You smile, coming over to kiss him on the cheek quickly. “Thank you, you make it so good anyway.” You chuckle as he playfully rolls his eyes. 

He tosses the garlic in a pan on the stove, stirring it a little, then adds the pasta to the boiling water.

You decide now is the time to break your silence, and tell him what’s been on your mind lately.

“Gyu,” You speak up. “… I think we should talk about something.” 

“What?” Mingyu’s gaze turns to meet yours, a concerned look on his face, and you immediately want to kiss him and make it go away.

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“I’ve been thinking…” You pause, racking your brain on how to word what you’re about to tell him, also given that you didn’t want to scare him. “What do you think about us… having a baby?” 

You look up at his undeniable surprised expression; after all you did come out of nowhere with that statement.

“I mean, I know we haven’t really discussed it much, and we’re getting married in a few months… but I have been thinking about it a lot, and I want to, we’re at that age-“ You break out into a nervous ramble before he cuts you off.

“I’ve thought about it too. I thought it should be something that we should…you know… talk about.” Mingyu says.

“I don’t want to put any pressure on you, or I guess, on us.” You continue. “I know we’re not married officially yet, and our wedding isn’t until a few more months, but I don’t know, I think I want to.” 

Mingyu turns to you, smiling ear to ear in the adorable happy puppy way he typically does when he’s over the top excited about something. “I know, me too.”

“Does this mean… we’re trying?” You can’t even hide your smile, your cheeks hurt as you attempt to be the least bit nonchalant.

“Yeah… fuck… c’mere.” Mingyu pulls you closer to him, kissing you fervently.

You pull back, releasing his grip from your waist.

“Hey, after dinner,” You smirk, giggling at his eagerness. “You’re gonna burn your garlic.”

“Mingyu… I can’t, fuck-“ You whine, your face nearly buried into the pillow underneath you.

“Yeah you can baby…” Mingyu grunts, his hand slides up your back to push you down even more. “Taking it all like a good girl…”

You nearly collapse as you can barely hold yourself up anymore, and you’re being pushed forward almost to the headboard from the force of him behind you.

“I’m gonna come, ‘gyu.” You cry, your hand trailing down to rub tight circles on your clit, making your thighs tremble as you push yourself closer to the edge. 

“Go on baby…” Mingyu groans, feeling you get tighter around him. “Cum all over my cock like a good girl.”

You cry his name again as he pushes you over the edge, white-knuckling the sheets as he keeps thrusting inside you, almost even harder.

“Fuck…”  He groans as he slows down, stilling before he comes inside you.

He pulls out, watching himself drip out of you briefly as he curses under his breath, before he pushes it back inside you with two fingers, making you whine.

“Sorry, baby…” Mingyu sweetly apologizes.

You flip over on your back, pulling him down to kiss him.

“I wanna go again…” You say against his lips, pushing his sweaty long hair back.

“Really?” He asks sweetly, leaning down to kiss your neck a few times. “Wasn’t too much?”

“Never…”

Truth, dare, spin bottles, You know how to ball, I know Aristotle Brand new, full-throttle, Touch me while your bros play Grand Theft Auto...

The next few weeks were just the usual. Going into work during the day, shopping for the wedding with your sister, … Mingyu practically never leaving you alone, but that you wouldn’t complain about.

“What kind of flowers are you guys doing?” Your sister asks you. The two of you made plans to get coffee, and you guys typically talked about whatever. She always voiced her opinion on your life whether it was boyfriends, career moves, and now: your wedding.

“White lilies; one of my favorites. Mingyu said I could just pick what I wanted, he’s happy with whatever I choose.” You say.

“That’s sweet,” She smiles, stirring her matcha latte. “Even though, he probably doesn’t care.” She chuckles.

“You’re probably right, I think he has other things on his mind other than flowers.” You laugh, only you know what you mean by that. 

You never told her the both of you had been trying to have a baby.

“I’ve always liked him, though, you know that.” She smiles. “If there’s anybody you marry and spend forever with, i'm glad it’s him. He’s just right for you.”

You smile, glancing down as your gaze flickers on your sparkling engagement ring under the coffee shop lights.

You’re definitely glad it’s him.

“Do you mind if we go into the grocery store down the street? I need to just run in and get a few things.” She asks you.

You nod. “Yeah, that’s fine. I could probably use a few things too.” 

“How do you know if a watermelon is a really good one?” She asks you, as the fruit by the entrance catches her eye.

“You’re asking me?” You laugh. “I have no idea, I have heard though if they’re a dark green, it’s too watery.”

“You were always good at picking them, I know Mom used to always say that.” She replies. “Maybe I won’t get one, are they even in season?”

“Probably not, it’s November. Anyway, what did you need here?” You say, grabbing a hand basket for yourself.

“Just usual stuff, yogurt… eggs, oat milk, some strawberries… whatever else I find that I think i need.” She says, placing strawberries and avocados in her cart. Already straying from the list. 

You follow her, bagging up some apples, cucumbers, and brussel sprouts into your basket. 

You’re both wandering down the ice cream aisle, as you’re grabbing whatever pint of peanut butter ice cream you can find, when your sister speaks up.

“Oh! Let’s go to the hygiene section, I need to get some tampons. That time of the month soon.”

You pause, ice cream in hand, suddenly racking your brain trying to remember when the last time your period was. A few weeks ago? Last month? Were you supposed to get it? Were you late?

“Y/n…? What’s wrong? Everything okay?” She asks, seemingly able to read your inner monologue going on in your head. 

“Y-yeah…” You reply, placing the ice cream in your basket, all while your heart is still racing. Was it joy? Nervousness? “It’s just… I can’t remember the last time I had my period…”

I'm watching American Pie with you on a Saturday night Your friends are around, so be quiet, I'm trying to stifle my sighs 'Cause I feel so high school, Every time I look at you...

“I feel bad doing this without him,” You say, staring down at the two blinking pregnancy tests on the counter. “Mingyu should be here…”

“He’ll be home from work soon won’t he? You’ll tell him then. C’mon, he’ll understand, practically sister code for me to be the first one to know.” She replies, checking the time on her phone. 

It’s true, you both always did tell each other everything before you told anybody else. 

“It’s almost time.”

“I can’t look.” You anxiously turn away. “It’s killing me.”

“How did this happen?” She asks. “I mean… not to be nosey….”

“Well we talked about it, and we’ve been kinda… sorta, trying to get pregnant.” 

“What?! How come you didn’t tell me you were?” She exclaims, playfully shoving you.

“We decided to about a little over a month ago. We talked about it, we decided it was something we both wanted,” You start, just as her phone timer goes off, you quickly turn around from the counter. “Oh my god, oh my god, I can’t look.”

“I’ll do it first,” She says, shoving her way in front of you. “Oh my god… y/n…” You can hear the excitement and smile in her voice.

You turn around, facing the two tests.

You see it, “pregnant”, displayed clearly on both.

“Oh my god, I don’t,” You almost stutter, lost for words. “I- I don’t know what to say.”

“Good news?” She asks.

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” You smile, suddenly becoming teary, feeling a bunch of emotions at once. Excitement. Nervousness.  “I just- fuck… I wish Mingyu was here. I didn’t want to find out like this.”

“Relax, you’ll tell him later,” She laughs. “Especially ‘cause I know you won’t be able to keep this from him long.”

“No, you’re absolutely right. There’s no way I’m holding it in.”

And in a blink of a crinkling eye I'm sinking, our fingers entwined Cheeks pink in the twinkling lights Tell me 'bout the first time you saw me...

You spend the evening trying to decide elaborate ways that you’ll tell him. 

Putting a test in a gift bag as a present? Corny.

Hiding it somewhere and letting him find it? Too lame.

You decided to literally just come right out and tell him, especially because you didn’t want to figure out some cliche way of getting it out.

Mingyu comes home from work, greeting you as he walks in the door, adorably kissing your forehead as he wraps his arms around you, perfectly engulfing you.

“How was your day, honey?” He sweetly asks you, genuinely curious as he’s awaiting your answer. 

“It was good actually, I had coffee with my sister, then we went to the grocery store, doesn’t sound like much but we had fun.” You lean up and kiss his lips, smiling.

“But it’s better now that you’re here.” 

Mingyu smiles, kissing you again.

“I’m going to get changed really quick, okay?” Mingyu says.

You jokingly pout. “Aw, but you look so nice in your slacks and button up shirt… at least let me savor it.” You reach up, undoing a few buttons on his shirt.

“Enjoying this?” Mingyu chuckles.

“Yes, very.” You smile.

“Well I was gonna ask you, if you wanted to, Wonwoo and Seungcheol asked if we wanted to go out and get dinner with them, and hang out maybe get some drinks.” He continues, before he starts walking off to your shared bedroom to change, as you follow him. “Wonwoo asked me before I left the office.” 

“I don’t know… maybe?” You reply, hesitating a bit.

Meanwhile your mind works a mile a minute trying to think of how to break this news of yours to him.

“It wouldn’t be until a little later, if that’s better. No rush.” Mingyu says, nonchalantly unbuttoning his shirt and slipping it off. What a distraction. 

He slips on a white t-shirt , and gray sweatpants; his usual after work attire. Suddenly you wonder if whatever you have to tell him is really that important anyway, and you immediately consider just saying “forget it” and fucking him right here in the early hours of the evening. What’d be the big deal? You were already pregnant, anyways.

No! You quickly shake that thought from your mind, refocusing.

“Gyu,” You start, getting his full attention. “There’s something… I have to tell you something.”

“What?” 

“I’m not even really sure how to tell you, um hang on,” You continue, leaving the room quickly to retrieve one of the pregnancy tests you’d left in the bathroom. 

You come back, very obviously holding something behind your back.

“I guess I should say I kind of have a surprise to tell you.”

“What? What?” Mingyu asks, eager already by the way you’re already smirking, unable to contain yourself.

“It’s, um, this…” You start, pulling the test from behind your back. “I didn’t know how to tell you, I was gonna plan something but I couldn’t wait.” You laugh, smiling ear to ear.

Mingyu takes it from you, seemingly uncaring, or forgetting, that you literally peed on the thing. His mouth drops opened, in awe.

“Oh my god…” He speaks, beaming. “When did you find out?” 

“Today, actually.” You say. “I wound up taking a test, and… yeah.” 

You sigh. “I feel so weird about it, I know I was expecting it but I feel so excited and nervous at the same time.”

You glance up at Mingyu, and you see him still examining the test in his hand.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Mingyu nods, his eyes meeting yours and you see he’s now smiling. “I’m just… happy, surprised..”

“I mean, cmon, what were we really expecting…” You joke, blushing.

“You know what I mean, it’s still crazy to me.” Mingyu comes closer to you, kissing you. 

“Yeah, it sure is…” You smile up at him. 

“It’s okay, honey,” Mingyu reassures you, speaking softly. “Just get it out…”

Mingyu kneels behind you on the cold tile floor, holding your hair back as you’re hanging your head over the toilet as your stomach empties its contents.

“There you go…” 

You wonder how he can even stand to be in the bathroom with you, if the roles were reversed, you’d be outside the door nearly gagging.

“Are you okay?” Mingyu asks, helping you sit up, as he wraps his arms around you to keep you steady. 

You slowly nod as you flush, still feeling a touch of nausea. “Yeah, can you just- just stay here for a little bit.” 

Mingyu sits on the tile floor as he leans against the bathtub, and he guides you back to sit in front of him.

You lean back into him, and he leans down and kisses your shoulder. You catch a glance at his watch on his wrist even in the dim light of the very early morning.

“Oh my god, Gyu, is it really 5am?” You groggily ask, feeling sorry. “You have to work in the morning, don’t you?”

“Shh, it’s okay, it’s not a big deal.” Mingyu reassures you. “I can always go in a little later, I wanna make sure you’re okay.” 

“…I think I’m good now,” You say, starting to stand up slowly, as Mingyu helps you all the way. “…You know, I have heard that the more nauseas you are, it probably means you’re having a girl. And if you have none at all, it’s probably a boy.”

Mingyu chuckles, “Where do you come up with this? Is that even a thing?” 

“The internet… you know, social media. Everything’s on there.” You protest.

“You’re delirious,” Mingyu playfully rolls his eyes. “Cmon, let’s go back to bed.”

“Gyu, we have to leave in like an hour,” You say, as you’re getting ready in the bathroom, finishing up your final touches on your hair. “I don’t want to be late for dinner at my parents house.”

Mingyu stands in the doorway now, “This okay?” He shows off a navy blue polo shirt and black jeans. 

“Yeah, honey, you look nice.” You smile. “Besides, you could wear anything around her, she adores you anyways.” 

It was true. Your mother would always be calling Mingyu to help around the house when your Father was away on a business trip. She needed help fixing something? She’d call Mingyu. She needs help building a side table? You bet she’s calling Mingyu. His height was also a bonus, being able to reach things stored higher up.

Mingyu smiles at you adoringly, as his eyes trail down your body.

“What?” You ask when you notice him.

“You’re starting to show a little,” He smiles. “You look cute.”

You giggle, placing your hands on your stomach. “Yeah I know, she wants to be seen now, she’s done hiding.” 

“Well, are my girls ready to go?” Mingyu smiles, kissing you. 

“Yeah,” You giggle, smiling as you kiss him again. “Let’s go.” 

It's true, swear, scouts honor You knew what you wanted and boy, you got her.

tags: @jenoslutie @wonuwrites @aaniag @cosmojinyoung

[shydroid3000]

On the subject of Light Yagami, Misa Amane, and guilt (guilt as in culpability and guilt as in the internal experience of feeling guilty): [Rambled about this as part of a response to an ask game but decided I'd pop it into its own post too 'cause I ended up writing a lot on the topic lol]

The question was: was misa just as guilty as light? Ooh, guilt in relation to Misa and Light is interesting to think about. On the one hand, I do think that they're both culpable for their actions at the end of the day. I have maybe some more grace to extend Misa in terms of her having an understandable reason to go down that path, what with her parents being murdered (and almost being murdered herself). Like, that's a level of trauma that makes you go, 'yeah, I can understand why she was all-in on killing criminals with the death note, even if I don't agree.' Light, on the other hand, had this good, stable, pretty privileged home life, in addition to him being a top student, talented, handsome, etc. He's got less of an excuse, you know? The fact that Misa's drawn to Kira's ideals out of lived trauma, whereas Light is drawn to those ideals largely out of ego is sort of a meaningful distinction. (By ego I don't just mean the belief that he's exceptional, but I mean -- the way he is so desperately driven to protect his conception of himself as a Good Person. That's a tragic and heart-rending manifestation of ego, but it's still about protecting his ego). But I also think there's 'guilt' on the level of the actions and choices you make regardless of motivations, and I'd see them as more equal on that front. Misa was an enthusiastic DN user and participant in Kira's plans/ideology. She's motivated by different things than he is, but she makes her choices knowingly. I think it would be diminishing of her agency and complexity to say that she's less responsible for her actions than Light is, if that makes sense. (Also, there are things Misa is guilty of that Light isn't, and vice versa. E.g., Misa pushes Light's boundaries in a way that can be very uncomfortable; Light uses Misa/others without real regard for them).

Now, beyond all that... the question is obviously about their culpability for their use of the DN. But it also makes me think about each of their *experiences* of guilt internally, and that might be even more interesting to me. I think that their relationship to guilt is one of the things that makes them so divergent from one another. Because... running away from guilt is such a huge part of what propels Light to go all out with the Kira thing. So much of his psyche is shaped around that black pit of guilt where whispers of "I did a bad thing. If I did a bad thing I'm not a good person" come from. He diligently tries to cover over that and barricade it off. He crafts an ideology that makes his murders righteous, and commits to making a New World(tm) where the meaning of 'good/right' is reshaped around that. He makes himself a God so that his actions are beyond judgment, or at least he is, because his murders are divine - they're acts of creation, even of love and self-sacrifice. And then Misa... well, guilt doesn't seem to be as obvious a factor for her, whether as motivation or reaction. I mean, I could imagine a reading where there's some well of underlying guilt about the death of her parents and her survival -- I think that would make sense given the circumstances. But... we never actually see that kind of Bruce Wayne -esque psychology peeking through, so that feels more like headcanon territory than direct analysis. Obviously she has deep feelings about the murder of her parents, but she has a very different relationship to guilt than Light. She usually comes across as very free from guilt. She knows what she wants and what her priorities are, and she pursues those without shame. She's impressed by Kira so she becomes the second Kira; she decides she loves Light and wants to be with him regardless of whether he even likes her, so she pursues that undeterred by his response to her. It feels like Misa is always calmly pushing forward toward what she wants, whereas Light's sprint forward toward his New World is really a running-away-from. But at the same time... what kind of underlying emptiness would make someone so completely devotional in the way Misa is, wanting to devote themselves to someone who mostly loathes them, to the point of not even seeming to be hurt by that person's disdain for them as long as they can still have that person in their life? I think there's definitely beneath-the-surface stuff with Misa, but it comes across like guilt is a colour that just doesn't exist in her world. Whereas with Light, every shadow in his world is the colour of guilt. If goodness or righteousness are the rays of the sun, Light Yagami is the moon that reflects the sunlight while trying to create a reality in which those rays are his -- are him -- a reality in which he becomes the sun. And yet he's a moon, and the dark side of it that he disavows is guilt, is 'I did a bad thing', is 'what if I'm not a good boy?' (Wow, went overboard with the metaphors there but too lazy to edit lol).

[124ndm]

villain!deku rambles.. eeerrmmm

i rlly want to start a comic about villain!deku, but im a little hesitant because i feel like it would be WAY too big of an undertaking for me..

but if ur at all interested, my ideas are below the cut. ^_^

My concept would start with the sludge villain incident. Other heroes get to saving bakugou before both midoriya or all might. This, in turn, means that he never gets OFA.. and never joins the hero course (yadada im sure this has all been written before). However I DO think that he would still join UA. Thats really my main motivation behind making a comic like this. In a lot of villain!deku stuff I see, he tends to abandon hero work altogether.. which i just dont think he'd do!! midoriya is VERY determined when he has his mind set on something, so I feel like he'd find some way to go to UA one way or another.

So, what would make him a villain then?? Well, it would definitely be a gradual build-up overtime. Assuming he takes the support-course route (which ig would make this a mashup of two aus, LOL), I think it would start with him helping vigilantes. Low-level illegal heroes convince him that by making support items, midoriya can advance in his field. He keeps doing these sorts of favors, knowing its unethical, out of a desperation to feel useful and help the 'heroes.'

I also think as a sort of parallel to bakugo, he'd start hanging around bad classmates like bakugo did during middle school. Being in a support course as opposed to a hero course means a very different demographic of students. We see a lot of instances IRL of students going into engineering good intentions, only to throw away morals for higher paying jobs (i'm sure yall have seen those Lockheed Martin tiktoks, need I say more 💀). We know characters like mei hatsume are very honest and dedicated to their craft, but what are the lower-level students like? What about the other classes? We don't really see much of that, so I think it'd be fun to explore the morally gray students of UA.

I think his final breaking point would be when he gets in kahoots with Giran. I don't think giran would immediately clock midoriya as a potential recruit, but instead would change his mind later: seeking out midoriya after Shigaraki shows interest in bakugo. (sure, they aren't in the same class anymore, but both of them being in UA works as a convenient connection).

After midoriya gets with shigiraki, I believe he'd certainly get a quirk (whether or not midoriya actually wants it, Im sure theyd give him one anyways. more power to their organization, and more leverage over midoriya). Soon after, the LoV would get into an altercation with class 1-A, which would probably get him expelled. Although, in-turn, fuel a stronger disproval towards hero society (and also compel izuku to get better at using his quirk, knowing that he has a lot of catching up to do).

And duh as the cherry on top, there'd be bkdk angst.. bakugo only realizing that midoriya got into UA after seeing his association with the league. The weird guilty feeling bakugou would get knowing that a kid he bullied ended up becoming a villain, but also pure anger at knowing that he even got into UA in the first place. And also, the inevitable midoriya/bakugo fight that would happen when the league and class 1-A have more encounters.

I haven't exactly decided on how to end it, but I feel like it would end with either a redemption or something similar to the whole togachako situation. More likely a redemption because, lets be for real here, midoriya is so kind-spirited that even as a villain: he'd probably fold when faced with a genuine bakugo apology or heart-to-heart All Might encounter LOL.

anyways im deffff yapping here, I did NOT intend for this post to be so fucking long HELP. I just really wanted to get my stupid ideas written down. Like i said earlier, this has prob been done before if we're being quite honest.. but I still I think making a comic like this would be sooo fun. But godd i am NOT a good writer so I worry that I would start and then never finish. aaaaah 😭😭

I'll just have to see if my motivation sticks around these next few weeks. If so, I'll probably start drafting this out!! If I do lose interest, well then.. this'll be the last you hear of my villain!deku rambles LMAO. I rlly hope I don't lose interest because this would be the first time ive written since like, early high school, and I really want to get back into writing again. Even in comic form, any kind of writing would be great practice for me. Dx

[anachronisticcrab]

I can't win with fucking allo people.

I love being aroace. I'm proud of it, I'm not ashamed of it, all of that. I don't want romance or sex or anything along those lines, and I'm happy with that.

But in a society that puts romantic love at the highest peak of importance, I'm left out

I've lost more friends than I can count because they got a partner and no longer wanted me around as much, because they asked to kiss me so I would know what it's like cause how could I not want to, because I wasn't comfortable playing dating sims with them.

I can't win with cishet allo people because they can't conceptualize it. They want things to be in their field of understanding, and I don't fit into that, so they question me. About everything. Then they get a partner and I lose them to some degree.

Its possibly even worse with queer people. My queer friends place so much of their identity in their sexuality that it's nearly impossible to fit into those spaces when your sexuality and romantic preference is nonexistent. Queer liberation has massively been about how love is love, but I don't fit into that and I never will.

Allo people would prefer it if I wanted to want a romantic relationship, I think. If I wanted to want it, then I wouldn't be broken. Then they could make dirty jokes about me instead of just with me. Then they could joke about how we were basically married without me ever recoiling in disgust.

Then they wouldn't feel as guilty when they forget about me when they get a romantic partner.

But if I wanted to want, allo people would double down on how I haven't met the right person or that I'm confused. If I'm not 100% happy being aroace all the time, I'm not aroace enough. And I'm clearly wrong.

Side note: Why do allo people think it's ok to wish they were aro and/or ace? It's not funny to joke about it when u are one of the people who fucking ostracize me for it. It's not funny when youre not dating anyone and call yourself aroace, it's not a choice and it's not silly. It's not cute when straight women call themselves lesbians because they're annoyed with men, it's not cute when straight men call themselves gay because they're annoyed with women, it's not funny when people joke about being aroace because they're annoyed with romance. Also, why do allo people not think before they say shit like 'if u don't fuck/date, what do u do? How are u human?'

I don't put a ton of stock into my new friendships with allo people anymore because I just fucking can't. If I do, I will be completely fucking crushed when they leave because I know that when I do value a friendship, I will always care more about the allo than they do about me. I am sick of caring about others more than they care about me, but this won't change until I meet another romance repulsed aro, who I haven't met yet because (shocker) being aro? Not the most common sexuality.

Tl;DR: I just... I can't fucking win. I'm too queer for straight ppl, not queer enough for queer ppl, too aroace if I don't go along with amatonormativity and not aroace enough if I don't. I'm lonely, my allo friends will always value others over me, and I constantly have people undermining my sexuality with stupid jokes and offhand comments. I'm sick of allo people.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

At your side [End of Season 2]

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[angelsdean]

ruthlessly deleting old 2021/2022 posts (not by me) from my dean studies tag like *click* un-incorporating that from my beliefs system! also the way SO many posts have me like ok uh-huh good aaand then say one completely wrong thing that loses me. it's so many posts.

[c0rpsedemon]

the thing about the queer media tournament that really gets me is that last i checked there wasn't a single mxtx work on it. like not even the untamed made it in and don't get me wrong the og mo dao zu shi books are huge but cql is def more popular among tumblr circles. idk it just really rubs me the wrong way how every single piece of western media that ppl have ever gotten a lil bit aggressive abt shipping with is there and then for east asian media there's utena and madoka magica and the handmaiden and last i checked that was pretty much it. and then for the rest of the world there's next to/nothing but idk enough to really make judgements there.

[corfisers]

i really need to finish this one day

[memento-morri-writes]

I've been thinking a lot about how Rook's reunion with his former mentor, Zara, is going to go, and since I can't predict what the DM is going to have her do or say, I can only dwell on what I know is going to happen. Which happens to include taking off the illusion ring that's been hiding his injuries from her. So have a snippet of the description I have planned for that moment:

tw for description of (mostly healed) injuries

He hesitates, twisting a ring on his finger. Looking at it more closely, she can tell it’s very finely crafted, and must have been very expensive. A large emerald is set into the band. Rook sighs, and pulls the ring off his finger in one quick motion.  Immediately she’s struck by the difference in his appearance as the illusion melts away. He looks awful. His warm, healthy skin fades to a dull and sickly grey. There’s huge bags under his deeply sunken eyes, and his cheeks are hollowed, as though they have been carved out by an overeager sculptor. He looks like he’s recently risen from the grave.  While he was thin before, now she can see his ribs under the skin, and his collarbones are exaggeratedly pronounce. Thin white lines left by dozens upon dozens of recently healed cuts are scattered across his body. On top of that, faded bruises cover most of his visible skin, a mottled mosaic of purple and yellow. They’re clearly days, maybe weeks old, and she can only begin to imagine what they must have looked like when fresh. Bandages are barely visible under his shirt, wrapping around his back, hinting at even more injuries.

[chrisbangs]

hello... (and bye ig 👋)

[sataninsparkles]

I don't understand why people seem to dislike "Girl Dinner" and "Girl Math" so much.

Like, it's not about girls being unable to take care of themselves or make smart financial decisions. Girl Math is literally just about how under the capitalism small purchases that add up to a large number don't feel as expensive as one large purchase. It's the same phenomenon as being willing to pay $10 for a product but not $8 + $2 shipping. Or spending cash feeling different from spending on a credit card.

Or like why a bunch of people just started talking about how being a bimbo is just quirky sexism.

Yes, women can achieve great things, and they can be smart. We all support women's rights. But we gotta support women's wrongs as well.

After being told that you have to be smart and strong and do everything a man can do or you're a bad feminist and you're setting the movement back fifty years, the ability to just be dumb and carefree feels like taking off a bra.

Yes, women can be smart. But they can be dumb too. We can be weak and dumb and that doesn't make us "bad feminists" or "quirky sexists". It makes us human. And shaming women for their freedom to enjoy their life however they want is counterproductive. Men get to be as dumb as they want without shame, so why is it that when women are the ones who are dumb, you get offended and try to shame them into acting the way you want them to?

We can't have equality until you guys stop shaming women for every little thing they do. We can't have equality if we don't support women's wrongs.

[linagram]

[ 𝚋𝚎𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚒𝚗 𝚟𝚘𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝚍𝚛𝚊𝚖𝚊𝚜: 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝟸 ]

part 2 is hereeeee and this time it's what happened to eiko, asahi, yurika, riku and reina a few days before their crimes happened.

since these vds is the last thing i've planned for the period between trial 2 and trial 3, nothing too important to the plot will be posted until season 3 starts (again, not sure when it will happen). pls share your thoughts and theories if you have any <3

(Warnings: relationship dynamic between satsuki and asahi is. very messed up, topics of self-harm and suicide come up in riku's vd, mentions of toxic family dynamics in multiple vds, but honestly all of them could count)

[ Eiko's Confession ]

(typing sounds) 

Eiko: Takeru, where are you.. 

Eiko: What's going on.. 

Eiko: He wouldn't just leave me like this, right? 

Eiko: He's the type of guy who's obsessed with social media, the only reason why he could disappear like this is-

Eiko: ... 

Eiko: No. No, I don't want to think about it. 

Eiko: But.. 

Eiko: What if she found out about him? 

Eiko: ... 

Eiko: Oh, wait a second.. 

Eiko: One of his friends replied. 

Eiko: Maybe he knows something? 

Eiko: ... 

Eiko: He just.. started flirting with me. 

Eiko: *sighs* Fine, I can work with this. 

(more typing sounds) 

Eiko: Okay, I'll just play along. 

Eiko: He seems like a loser who just uses Takeru for money and attention. 

Eiko: Oh, a reply. 

Eiko: I think I can ask him about Takeru now. 

(typing sounds) 

Eiko: Come to think of it.. 

Eiko: If I had more information to work with, I would've found Takeru a long time ago. 

Eiko: But all I have is.. 

Eiko: His first name, age, list of friends, occupation, interests.. 

Eiko: I don't even know his last name.. 

Eiko: I don't even know what he looks like.. 

Eiko: And I know his occupation, but I don't know where exactly he works-

Eiko: Another reply. 

Eiko: ... 

Eiko: *sighs*

Eiko: He's so annoying.. 

Eiko: Maybe I can just try to text that other guy again. 

Eiko: Oh, he has him in his friend list too-

Eiko: ... 

(a sound of notification) 

Eiko: .. This icon looks familiar.. 

(another notification sound) 

Eiko: I swear I've seen this frog before-

Eiko: ! 

Eiko: Hold on.. 

(a clicking sound) 

Eiko: .. It's-

Eiko: It's Takeru's private account?! 

Eiko: O-okay, I'll just send this to that guy. 

(typing sounds) 

Eiko: Let's see what he has to say about this.. 

Eiko: Hm? 

Eiko: Okay, it really is his private account. 

Eiko: I wonder if he'll agree to give me the password to it.. 

Eiko: ? 

Eiko: .. Fine, sure, whatever, promise him a date or send him a pic or two. 

Eiko: ... 

Eiko: What does he mean by "Takeru wouldn't mind if I went on a date with you"? 

Eiko: ... 

Eiko: Haha.. No. No, he's just lying to me. 

Eiko: He just wants me to agree to this. He wants me to believe that Takeru doesn't love me anymore. 

Eiko: .. Still, I should ask him about it. 

(typing sounds) 

Eiko: ... 

Eiko: Are you kidding me?.. 

Eiko: "Well, uh, about that".. 

Eiko: "I doubt Takeru will ever be able to go on a date with you".. 

Eiko: .. What is wrong with him? 

(typing gets faster) 

Eiko: Don't tell me.. 

Eiko: ... 

Eiko: ... 

Eiko: .. *starts sobbing*

Eiko: No. No, this can't be true. 

Eiko: He's alive. I know he's alive. 

Eiko: How could he-

Eiko: ... 

Eiko: It wasn't her, right?.. 

Eiko: I've never told Mother about him, but.. 

Eiko: .. I had my suspicions, but.. 

Eiko: He's.. dead.. 

Eiko: Takeru is.. dead.. 

(notification sound) 

Eiko: Huh?.. 

Eiko: Another friend of his replied. 

Eiko: ... 

Eiko: "Hello, this is his private account"..

Eiko: "Here's the password. You'll find all the answers there".. 

Eiko: "I am so sorry".. 

(very fast typing sounds) 

(click) 

Eiko: ... 

Eiko: ... 

Eiko: Hey.. 

Eiko: If Takeru is dead.. 

Eiko: His last post being made fifteen minutes ago doesn't make any sense.. 

Eiko: What if I scroll down.. 

Eiko: ... 

Eiko: Haha.. 

Eiko: "I am finally free"? 

Eiko: When was this post made?

Eiko: .. That's when he stopped showing up.

Eiko: ... 

Eiko: Stupid. So stupid.. 

Eiko: I really can't trust anyone in this world, huh?

-------------------------------------------------------

[ Asahi's Confession ]

(the door opens)

Satsuki: Ah, here you are!

Asahi: ...

Satsuki: Look what I got you! This plushie is so cute, isn't it?

Asahi: ...

Satsuki: D-do you not like it?..

Satsuki: It's okay, I can get you another one-

Asahi: .. I thought we'll go to see a movie today.

Asahi: You know, the one I've told you about before.

Satsuki: .. Oh.

Satsuki: S-sorry, sweetie, I'm not feeling so good today-

Asahi: But you still went and bought me this.

Satsuki: W-well, it's not a big deal for me-

Asahi: So going to the cinema is hard, huh? Maybe you don't want to spend time with me? Maybe you hate me?

Satsuki: No, no, that's not what I meant-

Satsuki: !

(sound of a plushie being thrown on the floor)

Asahi: I don't need it.

Satsuki: So you really don't like it?..

Asahi: ...

Asahi: Fine! Yes, I hate it! It's weird, it's ugly, it looks cheap, I deserve more!

Asahi: If you can't fulfill your promise, at least buy me something that is just as good as what you've originally promised!

Satsuki: Sorry..

Asahi: I hate it. I hate this thing.

Asahi: I hate you too.

Asahi: How can you call yourself my mother when you can't even give me the love that I want and deserve?!

Satsuki: I just.. don't know what you want from me..

Asahi: .. I just want something that will leave me satisfied, I guess.

Satsuki: Like what?..

Asahi: ...

Asahi: LIKE GOING TO SEE A MOVIE!

Asahi: WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?! I'M LITERALLY ELEVEN AND EVEN I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU CAN'T BE A MOTHER!

Asahi: NO WONDER YOU COULD NEVER HAVE A CHILD OF YOUR OWN!

Satsuki: ...

Asahi: JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY THAT YOU DON'T HAVE KIDS BECAUSE IF YOU DID THEY WOULD SUFFER EVEN MORE THAN I DO!

Satsuki: Please, stop-

Asahi: WHAT, ARE YOU GOING TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF? ARE YOU FINALLY GOING TO SAY SOMETHING?

Asahi: ARE YOU GOING TO ADMIT THAT YOU'RE THE WORST MOTHER ANY CHILD COULD HAVE?!

Satsuki: SHUT UP ALREADY!

Asahi: ...

Satsuki: I.. I wanted a child. I really did.

Satsuki: When I first saw you, I hoped that..

Satsuki: .. You would fill the void I feel inside of me.

Satsuki: But it's hard.

Satsuki: It's too hard being a mother for me.

Asahi: .. Hey. Why are you telling me this-

Satsuki: You're right. I really am the worst mother any child could have.

Satsuki: Haha.. I really don't deserve to be a mother.

Satsuki: I can't give you the love you deserve. I'm sorry.

Satsuki: .. I will think about it. Maybe Masato really was right.

Asahi: But.. that guy didn't want me to live here..

Asahi: Hey! Hey, don't leave!

Asahi: Where the hell do you think you're going?!

Asahi: What is that supposed to mean?!

Asahi: .. Are you going to send me to an orphanage or something? After you had basically kidnapped me?!

Asahi: Answer me already!

(the door closes)

Asahi: ...

Asahi: W-what is wrong with her..

Asahi: .. What if she's just going to-

Asahi: .. No.

Asahi: No, no, no, no, no-

Asahi: She can't just.. throw me out.

Asahi: I don't wanna-

Asahi: .. *starts sobbing*

Asahi: .. I should go eat something..

-------------------------------------------------

[ Yurika's Confession ]

Yurika: "Finally, the classes are over."

Yurika: "Ugh, I hate this place so much.. Why should I go to university anyway?"

Yurika: "With a family like mine, I don't need education-"

Yurika: ...

Yurika: "Hey, just a reminder, now you have to work in a maid cafe and serve creeps that are ogling you all day exactly because of saying stuff like this."

Yurika: "I wish I could just quit that job, my second one is good enough-"

Yurika: "W-wait, no, no, I can't do that!"

Yurika: "I have to stay strong for Takame-san!"

Yurika: "Also.."

Yurika: "She lets me do anything I want to them, so.."

Yurika: Hehe..

???: Yurika!

Yurika: *screams*

Yurika: A-ah, it's you.. W-what do you want?

???: Oh, I was just wondering, do you want to.. you know, hang out together, maybe?

???: You've been looking not so good lately. I'm kinda worried about you.

Yurika: Oh, I see..

Yurika: "God, she's a terrible liar."

Yurika: "Someone like her can't be worried about me. She's the popular girl. She does well in class, she's hot, she has so many friends, someone like her would totally obliterate me in high school!"

Yurika: "And I say that as someone who was popular in high school!"

Yurika: "Her brother is also.. uh, okay, I guess. I mean, girls like him. Have no idea what they see in him though."

Yurika: A-anyway, sorry, I'm a bit busy. I have work, so..

???: By the way, you keep mentioning your job, but like..

???: Where do you even work?

Yurika: ".. I have to run."

Yurika: Uh.. Y-you know.. A-at a cafe..

???: Really? That makes sense actually..

???: You know, you're cute, so I imagine you being very popular with the customers.

Yurika: "Shut up."

Yurika: "Wait, did she just call me cute?"

???: So like.. Can I visit you someday-

Yurika: NO!

Yurika: Um.. I'm just.. very shy, haha..

Yurika: Like, I don't want you to see me, haha..

???: But I'm sure you look adorable in your uniform! Come on! 

Yurika: "She doesn't know the kind of uniform I have to wear.."

???: Also.. Um..

???: I've actually been looking for a job lately and I thought that being a waitress could fit me, so..

Yurika: "Oh, don't you even try."

Yurika: "Wait a minute, if someone like her starts working with us, maybe those guys will pay more attention to her than me?"

Yurika: "That would be nice.."

Yurika: "Wait, what if Takame-san starts liking her more too?!"

Yurika: "No, no, she's too loyal, she loves me too much-"

Yurika: ...

Yurika: "Who am I kidding, she would leave me right after she sees her."

Yurika: "Wait.."

Yurika: "What if she finds out.."

Yurika: O-oh, sorry, I am so sorry, I am actually so late! Gotta go!

(sounds of Yurika running away)

???: Yurika! Yurika, wait!

???: She's already gone..

???: *sighs* Well, at least now I know that she works at a cafe..

???: I just have to find out which one-

???: .. Considering her hobbies and interests and everything..

???: And how embarrassed she looked..

???: .. Yep. It has to be a maid cafe.

???: Don't we have a very popular one not so far away from here?

(sounds of Yurika running and stopping to take a breath)

Yurika: *breathing heavily* I'm so.. tired..

Yurika: I bet she's just trying to find out more about me for her blog or whatever.

Yurika: But I'm not suspicious at all! I'm just a cute little girl on the way to working a totally normal job! 

Yurika: .. Now why am I saying this out loud?

Yurika: Whatever. I am doing this for Takame-san.

Yurika: .. I owe her after all.

(sounds of Yurika opening the door)

Takame: Ah, Yuri-chan! I'm so glad you're here!

Takame: Let's work hard today, okay?

Takame: .. Same goes for tonight too~

---------------------------------------------------

[ Riku's Confession ]

(sounds of Riku playing the guitar that get more and more quiet)

Riku: Okay, we're done for today, everybody! Good job today~

???: Finally, I was getting hungry..

???: Hey, Riku, is it just me or does your voice sound kinda weird?

Riku: Huh?

???: Like.. It's more quiet than usual?

Riku: Hm.. Well, my throat doesn't hurt or anything.

Riku: Eh, maybe it's the acoustics.

???: Okay.. Take care of yourself. You gotta. 

???: We still have that one concert to prepare for too..

Riku: Haha, don't worry about me. I'm not going to let us down.

???: Fine, fine. I'll get going then.

Riku: Bye! I'll stay here to finish working on.. uh, something.

(sounds of everyone leaving)

Riku: ...

Riku: *starts coughing*

Riku: "Maybe drinking so much cold water before our practice was a bad idea.."

Riku: "It's fine. I'm sure it's nothing serious."

(sounds of Riku playing the guitar again)

Riku: ".. I don't want to leave yet for some reason."

Riku: "Not now."

(Riku continues to play)

(sounds of someone's footsteps)

(the door opens)

Yue: Riku-kun!~

(Riku stops playing)

Riku: A-ah.. It's you.

Yue: Ehehe~ Did today's practice go well?

Riku: .. Y-yeah.

Yue: Your voice sounds weird. Did you catch a cold?

Riku: "Again?.."

(sounds of Yue sitting down next to Riku)

Yue: Can you play something for me? Please?

Riku: .. Sure. 

(Riku starts playing the guitar again)

Yue: Nope. That's not the one.

Riku: What do you mean?

Yue: This isn't the kind of songs you like. This is not.. "you", you know?

Yue: This is just the "you" that you came up with to make others like you.

Yue: This is the song that a popular guy who's loved by everyone in the school would play.

Yue: This isn't the song that my only friend would play.

Riku: .. Fine.

Riku: .. I-I'll play it for you when we get home. I don't want to do it here.

Yue: Hm. Meanie.

Riku: I don't want others to ask me about it. Also, the practice is over anyway. I have to go home.

Yue: Let's go together then~

Riku: Fine.

Riku: Ah-

Riku: P-put this thing away! Are you insane?

Yue: Ah.. Right. We can't do this here, right?

Riku: Obviously. 

Riku: W-what are you-

Yue: .. Did you do it again this morning?

Yue: There's still some blood too.. 

Yue: Can't you at least take care of them properly?

Riku: .. I didn't have the time.

Yue: Hey, if you're going to die, you can't do it without me.

Yue: Here, I'll help.

Riku: Wh-

Riku: That's even worse!

Yue: Oh, I forgot to bring my stuff with me, so..

Riku: That doesn't mean you have to lick the blood off!

Riku: L-let's just go home already.

(sounds of Riku pulling down his sleeve)

Yue: Okay~ 

Yue: Hey, Riku-kun..

Yue: But like.. If you were to die..

Yue: How would you like to leave this world?

Riku: You ask this question every single time.

Yue: And you always give me a different answer.

Riku: ...

Riku: .. I guess I'd want it to be painful, but quick.

Yue: Oh, that's a new one!

Yue Well, let's see..

Yue: Maybe I could hit you on the head with a rock?

Yue: I'm stronger than I look! I'll make it as quick and as painful as you desire!

Riku: ...

Riku: Haha..

Riku: You're so weird..

Yue: But you still hang out with me like this.

Yue: .. When was the last time we've talked about something else and not like.. death and all that stuff?

Riku: .. Can't remember.

Riku: Like.. Didn't we talk about it even back when we were kids too?

Yue: Right, right! Remember you got really sad after your mom told you that you have to stop being selfish and that you're too jealous of Hinode?

Riku: ...

Yue: And then I was like "Hey, what do you want to do?" and you were like "I don't know, dying sounds nice"!

Yue: And this happened when you were like.. eleven? Or twelve?

Yue: Like, you were a messed up kid, if you think about it!

Yue: Or more like.. a very broken one.

Riku: .. So..

Riku: If you could kill me..

Riku: How would you do it?

Yue: Simple.

Yue: I'd do it in a way that would let us both die at the same time.

Riku: .. So if you wanted to die..

Yue: Yep. I would never die without you.

Yue: That's why I'm still here. As long as you're alive, I'll stay alive too. 

Yue: And I won't let you do anything to yourself either. We have to leave together. It's a promise.

Yue: So..

Yue: Do you want to try again?

Riku: ...

Riku: N-no, thanks. Not feeling like it today.

Yue: Oh, really? Not even doing the "death practice"?

Riku: .. What if somebody sees?

Yue: Come on, children won't come here at this time. 

Yue: And if somebody asks, we can just use the "we tripped and fell" excuse. 

Riku: Together? Like we fell at the same time?

Yue: They believe us every single time.

Riku: Sometimes I wonder if they really do believe us.

Yue: Maybe they just don't want to accept the truth. Who knows.

Riku: ".. So he's not going to die until I agree to die too.."

Riku: "This is going to be harder than I thought.."

Yue: So, are you ready?

Riku: .. Fine. You go first.

Yue: Of course. I always do. 

----------------------------------------------------

[ Reina's Confession ]

(sounds of someone being beaten up)

???: Ugh, she's showing no reaction at all! So boring..

???: We can kill you, you know! Don't you want to live?

???: Maybe she's already dead?

Reina: (her voice is noticeably deeper than usual) Enough. Let her go.

Reina: I thought this would be more fun.. What a disappointment.

Reina: (to the girl) Hey. Do you even want to live? Are you really okay with this?

Girl: ...

Girl: Don't know.

Reina: *sighs* Fine. 

Reina: (to her friends) Why are you still standing here like a bunch of losers? I thought I've told you to let her go.

Her friends: On it, boss!

???: At least we've got the money..

???: But seriously, her eyes were so empty. 

???: They looked kinda.. like yours, actually.

Reina: Wow, thanks for the compliment.

???: So, do you want to do anything else? Or are we done here?

Reina: .. I don't want to go home.

???: Because of your parents, right?

Reina: ...

???: Listen, I know we're supposed to be the bad guys and all, but like..

???: Neiro is worried about you.

???: Your parents suck, but that guy cares about you. Can you at least try coming home early for him?

???: Imagine if he finds out about what we do. He's not gonna like it.

Reina: !

(sounds of Reina punching the guy and him falling on the ground)

Reina: Don't even joke about it.

???: Okay, fine.. Seriously, sometimes I forget how strong you are.

???: But what if he does find out about it? What are you going to do?

Reina: ...

Reina: .. I'll run away.

Reina: How do you feel about living together?

???: What, like a couple? 

Reina: You're not a cute girl, so I'll pass.

???: Damn, okay.. But like. My apartment is a mess.

Reina: My room's a mess too. We're matching.

???: Haha, fine~ I'll think about it.

Reina: Yay..

???: So, are you gonna go home now?

Reina: .. Can we just..

Reina: Sit like this for ten more minutes? Maybe fifteen.

???: .. You know, from what you've told me, I doubt that your parents really hate you.

???: It's like, they came up with this perfect version of you in their heads and they don't like the real you, but they don't hate you.

???: They're worried about you too-

Reina: Respectfully, shut up.

???: You know that it's true. That's why you're trying to shut me up.

Reina: God, you're so annoying.

Reina: If I ever meet someone like you or even worse, I'm going to..

???: Become best friends with them.

Reina: What-

???: You won't kill them. You won't even hurt them. You'll protect them with your life if you have to.

???: I know you too well.

Reina: ...

Reina: *laughs* You're right. You're right.

Reina: .. Fine. I'll get going.

???: Do you want me to walk you home?

Reina: They'll have questions. No, thank you.

Reina: Don't want them to think you're my boyfriend or anything. Dad will kill you and Mom will kill me.

???: Okay.

???: Good job today. 

Reina: .. You too.

[dogearedheart]

8i've been thinking about the last asks i got today. and i think it's better for me to take a step back from this account. i know the anon didn't mean anything by it, but i still feel like i am being a negative presence on here and weirding people out with who i am is nothing i want. so, i am not deleting or anything. i am just gonna be less present with sharing personal things or leaving tags. I'll probably be more active on my second account where i don't have that many followers :)

[anaalnathrakhs]

"people love you uwu people care about you" okay? not my problem. love me less. can we work out a reasonable level of care where it's obviously not cool if horrible things happen to me, a human being, and you won't do any horrible thing to me, but you don't feel obligated to fuss over anything out of the ordinary i do and i have to shut up about it and perform Normal Human Emotions lest i commit an awful social faux pas and hurt your feelings?

[stabbylambchop]

Hey uh

anyone here on Art Fight this year or-

Cuz I'm on there, same name and everything. I'm on Team Vampires.

You can like, add me or whatever...I mean, if you want...

I haven't interacted with anyone on here or even really drawn in a couple months, sweet pulsating spider-christ ...

[jankwritten]

What’s your hc for jacks overdose? I’ve seen some fic writers interpret it as an accidental overdose and others as a suicide attempt, just wondering your interpretation

Hmmm, this is an interesting one. I've always thought of Jack's overdose as "accidental on purpose", I think. So, he didn't intend to overdose, but he was telling himself, "what's the worst that could happen, I die?" and then taking more anyway because, at that point he'd have convinced himself that if he didn't take his meds he would fail at hockey, and he would rather lose everything than fail.

So, not an active attempt, but he also definitely knew the risks and didn't care.

I also think that it was in part because he wanted to keep up with Kent, who was "normal" in his eyes, and he figured if the meds make him normal, then More Meds equals More Normal.

Drinking also definitely played a role, IMO. I think Jack was probably doing some pretty bad damage to his liver by taking his meds and drinking as much as I HC he was, so the overdose was also partially his body shutting down from being so unhealthy.

TLDR; Jack wasn't aiming to overdose, he wasn't trying to kill himself, but he knew that death was a potential outcome and he'd decided that was better than potentially failing, and so he kept taking more and more meds and drinking more and more.