#I know I’m incredibly lucky and I also know my privilege and place

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hello. Hi. I have an issue. That’s maybe not a full issue.

So I’m getting married soon-ish (yayyyyyy me) and it’s a queer marriage. Me, she/her, and my partner, she/they. 

My parents are pretty catholic, and aren’t the happiest about my identity, but they’ve not been loud about it. And they’ve gotten to know my partner and they like them. 

Anyway, my mum really wants us to marry in my childhood church. Despite its prejudices, I got lucky there, and I actually met two of my closets friends there. 

It’s in a nice place and hosts a lot of weddings and my partners said she doesn’t mind where we marry as long as they can plan the wedding (apparently I suck at planning things, totally not true… totally).

So I asked. And initially the Reverend was all for it. Until I remembered to tell him it was a queer wedding. Then he was not. 

So we can’t get married there. The laws are lost on me a bit in the UK, but I’ll explain that sort of, in a sec. 

So my parents have made an effort with me and my partner and both of us thought that neither of us give a shit where we marry as long as my fiancé can wear their suit and I can wear my lilac dress (it’s stupid pretty, i’m so excited). 

But this experience put me off. I would rather not get married in a church simply because I want all the people around me on my special day to be totally accepting of me (of course excluding the vaguely homo and trans phobic relatives we both have but we’ve agreed to invite, what can you do?)  

So yeah, I told my mum what happened. And she got so mad. But erm- not at the church. At us. At me… more specifically. She said she’d dreamed of me getting married there my whole life. And I tried to say that maybe this isn’t about her but god forbid anything isn’t about her for more than one fucking minute. 

Long story short i told her i was putting my foot down and not marrying in a church and she freaked out and is now refusing to come unless we do get married in a church. 

So I did some research. The Church of England and Catholic Church (separate things) do not allow same-sex couples to marry in churches at all… I think.

The Church of England will give a blessing inside a church after the marriage (like what is this?) But it’s illegal for an actual wedding by Church of England (so fucking complicated I swear). 

Oh and in general i think if you want a civil marriage (marriage without religious or christian words involved, simply for law, and you know celebrating) you have to find a church no longer registered as a church or something….

But we’re Catholic. And I don’t think they even really have a blessing system yet let alone marriage allowed INSIDE a church. But it’s not about any church, it’s about a Catholic church, for my mum. 

It’s been a while since we got on this well (before everything I just explained that is). We have a rocky relationship but we’ve both had tough lives and I value her. I want her at my wedding. Where I get the incredible privilege of marrying my future partner (privilege because she’s awesome and not because we’re queer since everyone should be able to marry, that’s just equal rights). 

But this is such a mess. Me and my partner haven’t even discussed whether or not it’ll be a civil marriage yet. Since we’re both raised religious and I would say connected to God in our own ways, it might feel bizarre not to have God in our wedding even if it’s just a few lines.

But I also know neither of us wants religion to overpower us. Cause we aren’t doing this marriage to be in front of God, not really, we’re doing it for each other. 

But my mum is a women of her word and she probably won’t come to this wedding if we don’t marry at a big Catholic Church. Which we LITERALLY CAN’T.

And I hate putting this stress on myself. Wedding planning wasn’t going to be stressful (for me anyways since i’m banned from planning cause apparently Im terrible at it). 

So if I were to cave, we’d have to come to some compromise about marrying in an unregistered church or a church that isn’t a part of Church of England or Catholic (so like Methodist, Anglican and a few more). 

And obviously it couldn’t be a civil marriage. 

But there’s just something about having to comprise AGAIN with my own mum just for her to come to my wedding that’s bothering me. 

It doesn’t feel like this is fair. Like I should have to build my plans around her. But I know i’ll regret it if she isn’t there. 

(And in case you’re wondering, my partners been very sweet about all of this and has already started making multiple, different plans and styles for if it’s inside or outside or in a church or in some other building. They find organising fun.) 

Hi hon!

So two years ago I (they/them, but at the time I was she/her) married my wife (she/her) and we dealt with some VERY opinionated family members. Like…my mom threw a fit bc she wanted to WEAR HER WEDDING DRESS TO MY WEDDING.

Anyways.

I can’t tell you what to do. But I can tell you that this day is about and your partner. My wife and I chose to prioritize our wants and needs on our day, and some people were pissed. Some people didn’t go. But in the end, the day was perfect, because it was about us. I have no regrets about prioritizing us because it was our day and (ideally) you only get married once. But I’m gonna guess the people who threw fits have regrets because they didn’t get to be involved.

Your day is about you, whether people like it or not. Don’t start your married life by compromising your relationship for others. you deserve to be surrounded by only people who support you wholeheartedly. If your mom wants a church wedding, tell her to have her own damn ceremony.

Naming you wedding anon

[seriousbrat]

Will we see more Lily and Sirius moments in Falls the Shadow? Would love some more headcanons on their relationship🤗

Yesss actually their friendship is quite a big focus from chapter 9 onwards. They don't even know it yet but they're about to be besties. Here's a little excerpt:

Sirius sighs, tossing the book back down onto the table. “Yeah, you’re probably right. You sound like Prongs.” “Prongs…” Lily repeats thoughtfully. “What does that even mean, anyway— why do you lot call him that?” “He likes forks,” Sirius says without missing a beat. “Forks?” Lily says, laughing. “Yeah, right— what about… Padfoot, then?” “I’m dead stealthy.” She snorts. “And, er— Wormtail?” “Someone’s been paying attention,” Sirius says, playing for time while he thinks of a good explanation. “Don’t change the subject.” “He tried to grow a moustache in fifth year,” Sirius says, grinning at her. “And that’s what it looked like.” “It looked like a worm’s tail?” “Yeah, like half a worm. The arse of the worm, if you will.” Lily shakes her head in exasperation. “You’re lucky you’re so good at lying.”

Anyway headcanons (also just what I'm developing in my fic)

So something Lily really ends up liking about Sirius is how brutally honest he is about pureblood society. James is somewhat sheltered from this imo, his parents are progressives and they're new money, they're not really part of ~pureblood society~ the way the Blacks are. So honestly although James obv has some idea he doesn't really know, intimately, what those sorts of people are like the way Sirius does. And Sirius doesn't try and protect Lily from this, he just tells her:

“...anyway, look, I know these old pureblood families, I know how they work, better than James does— play their little games all you like, they’ll never accept you, never.” Lily looks back at him, resolute. “I know. But thanks for being honest with me about it.”

moving on:

Another thing they share is a sense of humour and a sort of reckless, anti-authoritarian streak. Yes, James has this too, but I see him deep down as being somewhat more thoughtful and circumspect. James has had an incredibly privileged life; on the face of it you'd say Sirius has too, except that his parents were the scum of the earth lol and he was disowned by them. On some level, Sirius can understand Lily better because he knows EXACTLY, intimately, what she's up against in the wizarding world.

Sirius also greatly appreciates intelligence and basically as soon as he starts giving Lily a chance he immediately recognises that she has it in spades. He likes having intellectual equals, that's what drew him to James in the first place and it's also a draw towards Lily. She can match him dig for dig, razor wit for razor wit. Even when they're in disagreement about something it's fun for him, and that's important to Sirius.

In order for Lily to have written Sirius a letter like the one she did, they had to be really close imo. And I believe he loved her deeply, and she him. They become really good friends in seventh year and it only grows from there. Lily really admires the fact that he turned his back on all the beliefs that he was taught as a child. Sirius, for his part, admires someone who is brave enough to stand up to what he fully knows is extremely dangerous and pernicious in wizarding society.

it's mutual respect baby. obv in my fic they also bond over: not really giving a toss about Quidditch but only caring because of James, and of course their shared vendetta against Professor Buttercrambe, which James is a bit more cautious about. Despite their initial misgivings/hostility they both deem each other more than worthy of being the most important people in James's life.

Anyway that's what I've got off the top of my head but I love their friendship so much and I have a lot of fun writing them together. So expect lots of sirius+lily interactions in short order!

[kylodendron]

We all have our fun out here on the interwebs and even with the perceived safety and anonymity sitting behind a screen provides us, when that shit bleeds over into real life, it’s rude and disrespectful at best, and can become downright dangerous at its worst.

None of this is news, fandom is always gonna fandom. Unfortunately I had to experience it first hand this weekend while seeing Hold On To Me Darling. And it wasn’t pretty.

I’m not gonna put anyone on blast by name, but I’ll just say this as a general PSA based on the behavior I experienced:

Don’t push people to move out of your way.

You chose to sit at the front of the theater in the middle of the row, and when I turned around to say something like “please stop pushing me, I can’t move even if I wanted to because there are people in front of me” as we were leaving, you were already catapulting yourself over the first row seats and pushing your way up the aisle.

Don’t record the play.

I know lots of people aren’t able to make the trip and see the show. It’s a privilege to be able to do that, especially in this economy. I am incredibly grateful that I had this opportunity to experience something I never dreamed would be possible. But recording a show, even if it’s just audio, is not only rude and disrespectful to the actors and the audience but it’s also a crime:

“New York Arts and Cultural Affairs Law § 31.01: Prohibits photographing or recording a performance without the written permission of the theater management. Offenders may be ejected and face damages and other legal remedies.

New York Penal Law § 275.33: Prohibits using a recording device in a live theater or movie theater without the permission of the theater operator. This is considered a crime and can be charged as a violation or a felony.

New York Penal Law § 275.20: Prohibits making or selling an unauthorized recording of a performance.

Penalties for illegally recording a performance can include jail time and large monetary fines.”

If anyone really needs to hear Adam put on a southern accent, they can watch Logan Lucky. But hooray for you and your internet points I guess. Congrats on the validation of internet strangers blessing you and calling you legend or queen or whatever.

You’re not as anonymous as you may think you are.

This is a very general point and good practice for anyone, but be careful and think twice about what you share online, especially on Twitter or facespace or whatever. I don’t know you. But it wasn’t hard to figure out who you are when you posted pictures from the stage door and I am in them, or from the illegal recording you posted because I can hear my own laugh.

This is a good reminder that the internet is not an invisibility cloak that lets you do whatever you want because No OnE wIlL eVeR kNoW wHo I aM. There are a lot of people out there who would not think twice about doxxing - and that is a dangerous thing for everyone.

Aside from this post, I’m not gonna say or do anything else. I mind my own business and prefer to cherish the otherwise wonderful experience I had both in watching this performance and at the stage door. I had thought to maybe share that experience but now I’m thinking twice.

And so I’ve deleted everything. My stupid little videos I made during lockdown because I couldn’t possibly have made more banana bread or that terrible whipped coffee, my illustrations, my minifigs, my remixes, photos, whatever. There’s a reason I don’t really engage in fandom - I don’t want to be associated with this type of behaviour. I’ve tried to find a little place to share my silly little things for whoever may happen to stumble across it and maybe it’ll bring them a little bit of joy. I don’t care about popularity or likes.

There’s more that I could share but I’m really not trying to get into any fandom drama bullshit. If you’re offended by this post perhaps you need to take some time and reflect on your actions and how they affect those around you.

Adam is very kind and gracious to even come to the stage door and engage with fans. He doesn’t have to do that and no one is entitled to anything from him or anyone else, except respect for others - no matter how much you paid to be there.

As a general rule, do the things that make you happy and bring you joy! Be a fangirl, support your faves. But please be respectful of others and try not to do any illegal shit while you’re at it.

[justagalwhowrites]

Oh.

Oh.

Oh my god.

I truly didn’t know what would shake out with Savvy, if they’d find her or not, who would find her, when, where, how. This was so good. So perfect. The fact that Ellie was with Joel surely put Savvy at ease. He knew just what to say. The fact that truly Ellie was integral since she clocked the snare in the first place.

I have read SO MANY Pedro fan give in the last year. Like a gross amount. Three have made me cry, and I’m not a crier. This chapter, this moment was one. For the record the other two were also yours 🤣

THANK YOU and holy CRAP I want to keep reading!! I know it can feel weird but please consider setting up a Kofi or something. Maybe you can’t use the money but then maybe donate it to a cause you love bc you deserve SOME kind of compensation for the professional quality gut punch beautifully crafted work you deliver, and with some an incredible speed at that 😭❤️

(ALSO I was very concerned knowing Bambi was going to tentatively get with someone else and even knowing it wasn’t going to work I was so scared. But I think it was important she doesn’t just get back with him. She’s been so hesitant and guarded it makes sense her incredibly strong feelings be tested and dang if the proof isn’t in the raspberries that Joel is it for her.)

Hi Bestie!!!!!

I really tried to keep Savvy's fate a mystery so we really felt some of how Bambi's been feeling all this time! But Joel immediately going into girl dad mode with her just... I love him. I love him so much. And Ellie being there helped so much, both because she saw the snare but also because she was basically a walking green flag. This young girl is OK with this man - clearly willing to kill for this man - so he's trustworthy. She was integral to getting Savvy home. Joel's baby saved Bambi's baby and I love them for it.

OMG I'm so happy my writing has made you feel so deeply! These characters and stories mean so much to me and the fact that they have an impact on others is so extraordinary to me. I love storytelling so much, that we can all experience these things together and share in the grief and the love and the passion and the joy.

You're not the first to mention a Ko-Fi and I haven't set one up simply because I genuinely don't need the money? In a lot of ways, I've lucked into a fairly comfortable life (not trying to downplay the fact that I've worked and struggled but I've had a lot of privilege and a lot of luck) and have everything I need, most things I want and a nice savings account. But the donation thing is a nice idea! So I think I'll turn on the tip function here on Tumblr and see what happens with the intent of donating what I get from it. That being said, if something I've written moves you to the point that you'd like to pay me for it, please consider tipping another author who hasn't been as lucky as I have financially. I'm sure they would really appreciate it and I'd love to support other authors vicariously!

And AHH yes I totally get you! I wanted Julie to happen for a few reasons? Mostly so Bambi wasn't just singularly focused on Joel. I don't think that suits who she is as a person and I don't think it would be good for her to do that, either. But I also wanted her to really understand that yes, Joel is it for her. She's never felt this way about anyone else and she never will again and moving beyond that - especially when he's RIGHT THERE - isn't going to happen. She needs to learn how to accept and forgive his past and trust who he is now otherwise she's going to be stuck living without the kind of love she knows is out there. She really knows that now and it's putting her in the right place to really process what happened with Joel. They're so close! They really are!

Thank you so so much for reading and for your kind words, Bestie!! Love you!!

[earlgreytea68]

okay so i have fallen headfirst back into fob w smfs and having that album drop coinciding w finally being in a place where I can just! buy tickets!! and see them on tour!! And i did and it was AMAZING

part of falling back into this has been lurking on fob/peterick blogs again the way I did back in HS, and yours brings me so much joy! what a lovely community you’ve cultivated here, and i adore your fics sm as well—I’m systematically working my way through each one

so a lot of love your way <3 i do need a bit of a second opinion though—I’ve been working myself up over trying to figure out if I can see them again while they’re touring for smfs. There’s a part of me that worries that this might be the last album—the same part that was the most upset when they were touring for MANIA and i couldn’t make that show. SO i would love to hear if you’ve got any thoughts re whether my fears hold any water—or if you think I should chill out, enjoy the ride of keeping up w this tour, and be secure in the fact that our boys aren’t going anywhere any time soon

Hello! First of all, yay, welcome back, and thank you so much for all of your kind words!

I know that there were a ton of rumors this was going to be their last album and they were going to call it quits after this, but having heard the album and watched them promote it and then seeing this tour they're putting on...it seems so unlikely to me???? They just don't act like a band who's done, who doesn't have anything more to say. Like, when Patrick talks about Fall Out Boy he's so very clear that it's, like, necessary for him to have, that it's the art and creativity that he does because of how much he loves it, not a job, and it would seem weird for him to talk that way, so vocally, if there was any inkling in his head that this would be the last time he would have it, you know?

And Pete has been the less vocal one this cycle, and we know he was the one who was reluctant to do another album and undertake another tour, but he has seldom seen so genuinely happy as he has during this tour, he seems to be loving every second of it.

And Joe came back and also seems delighted to be back.

Idk, I do not get the feeling of a band with any intention of winding down. They feel completely reinvigorated and reinspired and ready to go. It would not at all surprise me if they're already writing the next one, we know Patrick and Pete like to write while on tour. And I think they've really enjoyed being out of contract and having total control back, I really think it has opened up the horizons of what they want to and can do. Plus their fanbase has turned out for them loyally and so I don't think they are getting any kind of message that they're not wanted or needed anymore.

So Idk, I think in my heart of hearts there will be another album and another tour eventually someday.

All of that said, there will probably be people who will disagree with this life advice, and please always do what's best for you and your financial situation and life situation, but also: life is short, and uncertain. I didn't get into Fall Out Boy until the Mania tour was just wrapping up, and they announced they were going to play a random festival in Cincinnati and I agonized over going and finally decided to do it and I have to be frank, that weekend in Cincinnati was one of the best weekends of my life, I think about all the time how wonderful it was, the show was incredible, and it was the last concert I saw before the pandemic hit and I spent all of that time just being so incredibly grateful that I'd gone to that Cincinnati concert because otherwise I would have regretted it forever.

If you are in the incredibly lucky and privileged position to be able to afford to do something that you really want to do, and doing so will not bankrupt you or send you into a debt crisis or harm previous commitments you need to keep or, etc., etc., like, if the only argument you can come up with against doing something is "Idk, would this be ridiculous????," Idk, I think I'd err on the side of doing the thing. That's not just advice for Fall Out Boy concerts. You get to do this life thing once, and it goes by so much faster than you can possibly anticipate. If something's going to bring you joy, that's pretty precious. Take it where you can get it.

[leofiat-bunny]

Be My Favourite thoughts

My heart bleeds for Kawi

Kawi is an extrovert paralysed by social anxiety. I have social anxiety but I'm also very much an introvert. The self-imposed social isolation led to depression but nowadays I'm in a much better place... and even that place would be torture for Kawi because I still occassionally go a week without human contact (which is perfectly fine for me as long as it is occassional).

My immediate thought was his social anxiety is more extreme than mine ever was but actually, thinking about it, my worst was probably about equal; it just didn't hit as hard because

not hanging around people really didn't bother me as much

I'm close with my family and lived with my parents to my early 20s 

at first I worked in an office with 1-3 other people around, not from home (and dear god did I get incredibly lucky with landing in that particular job, which I'm still at now)

Who is Pisaeng

They make it abundently clear that Kawi is an unreliable narrator and there’s no reason to believe that Pisaeng doesn't have his own blind spots, namely: he's not as frank as he claims he is/as he wants to be.

I think part of his problem is that he's a victim of his own privilege: he's rich, handsome, intelligent (I think), athletic. He's the incels ideal "alpha male".

His peers expect him to be a leader. They're happy to have him around, but they'll only invite him as part of a general invite. They won't seek him out for something because he's supposed to be taking the initiative.

Except he's very much not a leader. He's Newton's first law of motion in human form. He wants frankness because he wants people to tell him what they want.

Possibly even part of the natural sugar daddy is less the wish to be caretaker and more gratitude for clarity. Could be both. Actually, both would explain a reluctance to tell people he wants them to take the lead - he doesn't want to disappoint them. Another reason might just be the pressure of social expectation or you know... telling people is taking initiative so that’s not happening 🤷️

But it leaves him feeling isolated, ignored (for the person he actually is), and incredibly lonely.

I'm totally on the "he already had a crush on the cute boy and wanted to get to know him better" train, but I think he also was offering a meal because he didn't know what Kawi would want... he was probably also hoping for a clear answer to where would be good to go - we know he didn't book ahead since he couldn't tell Pear when they'd leave. And, of course, without instruction he didn't do anything as Kawi's buddy

But even 1 night of being led into friendship was enough to get the ball rolling and setting them as best friends 12 years later. Again: 1st law in human form.

(Along with the childhood friends and Pear just being awesome, part of why he likes her so much is because she's a great leader. I'm 100% on the arranged marriage train - it's attached to the other train, I haven't duplicated myself - but he still loves her, just platonically. Based on what we've seen so far I think Pear may currently have a crush on him, but she's still bi so she can get a girl who really loves her and Kawi's fixing her life too (good job accidently fixing it hero 😉))

I'm not sure how being a DJ fits into all of this... even if it's a passion, I'm surprised he followed through on finding a job

Outro

So those are my thoughts 2 episodes in.

How wrong am I? Probably very 😅

(General apology for the chaos that is my (ab-)use of punctuation)

[thuidiumc4]

I’m curious why more people aren’t content with death, it definitely has to do with my privilege but even people who are above or equal to me in privilege it’s such a fixation. And being so obsessed with finding out what happens after as if we are important enough for something to be there. We are just chemistry, chance, and coincidence. What we are is pretty amazing and this life is incredible. When what we perceive as death happens why can’t it just be the end. No it’s not fair, there’s always more we want to say or never got the chance to do but it’s pretty amazing.

I’m almost 19, I do not want to die, and I would fight to keep my self from dying, I am so unbelievably excited to keep growing and to experience my future and all that’s in between. But I do also feel at peace with my current self. It’s not where I want to be, or how I want it to be but I try to love my self along the way as I strive for those goals. Yet I could die and it would be ok. It would Suckkkk yes because of everything I want to do and who I would leave behind but it would be ok as it ends.

I don’t expect anything to come after, I think there are interesting concepts and ideas but I don’t think it’s something we really can know, it feels beyond our perception, something we can’t know.

I’d be curious to understand the experiences of someone who went blind, not partially blind but lost their eyes at some point in life, lost that what feels to me as such a important part of my life who I think of myself as a person is based around human perception and how sight impacts such. But I don’t think I can conceptualize what it would be like, because we always see, even with our eyes closed we are looking at our lids, is it as simple as it’s “dark” or could it be greater past that with the absolute loss of that sense. What would it be like. Again it would be awful to lose, probably more than awful, likely it would feel devastating, but I almost feel like I could find peace in “nothingness”.

I could talk about this for hours

I am speaking from a place of privilege and fortune of what I have been lucky enough to experience thus far and I do not have enough perspective to understand everything people do go through in the ways of poverty, severe hardship/distress, serious oppression, and all the other cruelties that people go through day by day. But I hope to keep learning and keep broadening my understandings, not that I will ever truly know everything but a hope to be better.

[precious-little-kitty]

I don’t really know why but, my mother has said a few times that her letting me have friends is a privilege. And getting to talk to them and stuff. And of course I know that stuff like that, is infact a privilege, but it’s very scary and upsetting thinking that my mother could just be like “ oh you’re not allowed to have friends that’s a privilege I allow you to have. “

And I know I don’t have to be with my friends all the time, I don’t need to be, but I’d like to be able to join them when I want to and I’m reasonably able to. I see my friends doing fun things, like watching stuff, discussing fun things, particularly in calls and it’s like.. I want to be apart of that. I want to be with them if they’re hanging out, during times they’d be more than happy to have me there. Which is yknow, often, especially considering im part of a lot of the things they’re doing. Like the games they play, the events they hold, the things we’ve created together. I’m lucky with the events I can ask ahead of time to be there for them, so worst case scenario they can reschedule within fair reason, but I want to be able to be there for the spontaneous fun stuff they do. For the games they play, the things they say, the funny things they decide to do. I know I can do some of them, but only on rare occasion or late at night. Which is still rare occasion. It’s even worse when they want me there or enjoy me being there, because I know for a fact they want me to be there as much as they are too. They’ve said it themselves. And of course they’re perfectly understanding of the fact I’m often unavailable because I’m busy or my mothers around and I don’t want them to hear her, or because I don’t want to risk it, or because of any other thing. They understand perfectly. But it’s not because they don’t understand, it’s because I want to be included and join the things that they ALSO want me to be there and join in.

Me and my mother have fought just.. a lot. It’s been bad. I want to be nice, and I do try to control the way I react, I know she doesn’t deserve it sometimes, so I don’t understand why I still get so frustrated and irritated by her so easily. It doesn’t help when the irritation bounces off of one another either. I’ve become so conscious of things lately, as in like, constantly thinking about every single action I’m making. I think “ if I do this she’s gonna do that “ or “ if I do this i’m going have to do that. “ etc etc

I love my mom. I really do. I try to tell myself I do at least because I can’t think of why I shouldn’t. I really don’t have to do that much. I don’t. So I don’t understand why it’s so hard? The hardest thing to do is getting started and I know I can make it fun for myself, or just keep my mind in a different place all together. I do that often. It’s hard to stay conscious of the present moment of my own actions with her occasionally because my mind is always in a different place thinking of something else that happened or something or someone else that actually makes me happy. I try to think of whatever caused this stuff, because it’s really only with her, I’ve noticed this with very very few other people, maybe it’s intolerance? Teenage angst? Laziness granted I don’t want to think of it?

I think maybe it’s because of how small our space is. I don’t want to be ungrateful, im sure a bigger place would be hard to manage, we’re barely doing good with this one, and we can’t afford more, but maybe it’s that? We don’t have a lot of space from each other at all. The kitchen is small with little room to move around when both of us are trying to do things, and I am incredibly touch avoidant, it feels very.. not great to me. I try to be lineant, but some days I’m more tolerant than others. The kitchen is the main space besides the living room. So it’s often very messy. Our clothes are often piled up, the counters sometimes dirty for days with food particles and dishes she leaves and trash and things of the such, the floor often scattered with litter because of the cat box being right there, we often bump into the dog water because we have no actual place for it, the dogs pee on the floor a lot, and often rip out trash. The dogs (mainly one) bark and jump a lot and it’s incredibly overstimulating. I cant tolerant at least the one dog anymore. I love him but I can’t. I think all of that concentrated into just once space is just not good and piling up maybe?? We only have one bathroom too, because the other is kinda messed up but mainly because there’s a lot of stuff being stored into it. The dogs poop everywhere as well, and I’m the only one who cleans it up, mom won’t do it, but I don’t contribute much of anything anyways so it’s probably fine. Still sucks though where there’s three piles of shit and one of them has been there for at least a day or two.

I stopped typing for a bit and everything feels very slow and timeless in a sad somber way and I don’t know if that’s normal. I’ve been getting a little better about the disassociation but I think it’s because of my constant “ thinking about every single action and it’s consequences and being aware of everything and everyone because of our own internal issues “ anxiety. Is that anxiety? I think so.

Our living room is probably the calmest place. There’s still stuff in it buts it less and we have a bigger couch now. She sits on one edge, I sit on the other. It’s covered in different blankets because of the cats. I want to be in my room but I’m just not very motivated in there, and she’d probably get upset at me being in there all the time. Just as she gets mad at me for being on my phone (I do other things, and I often WANT to do other things, I just don’t like doing them around her for some reason. I’ve worked on this a little and I’m kinda getting better, but still.) which sometimes is understandable, but other times I’m just getting upset at the fact that she’s telling me that she’s going to break it because of it.

I know she probably isn’t all that bad. We’re both reasonably frustrated at each other for somethings, but other times it’s like.. I don’t know. I’m scared to do things or be around her half the time. I often find myself feeling anxiety or scared when she wakes up or exits her room, and I find myself trying to avoid her dogs too. I love her, I know what she does for me, I know I should be grateful cause others have it worse, but I’ve found myself recently just feeling so… disconnected. Detached from her. I don’t feel the urge to call her or associate her with mom unless it’s in a negative light. Like I know and acknowledge she is, but it’s like.. when I say I love you to her it feels empty, like I don’t actually mean it. I find it very hard to apologize to her as well. But I don’t want to hurt her or anything either cause I know she loves me. Me mentioning this to her would devastate her, probably. I don’t want to do that. When it comes to things like this I often remember when she found out I had a relapse a year back or so, and the face she made. I don’t want to see that or do that to her again. She’s told me before that she thinks she’s failed me, or that she doesn’t think she’s a good mom/has asked if she is, and I assume is worried about it.

I don’t know anymore. I’m confused by my own things and I just. I don’t know what to do or what to think or where any of this comes or stems from. I’ll try writing down the things she’s done and also try to figure out what effects that could’ve had on me and hers relationship. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells around her sometimes, and I’ve kinda given up on what would and wouldn’t set her off. I know she’s ADD and Bipolar, and she’s mentioned the bursts of angry now and again and I’ve seen it, but it’s still just… I don’t know.

I thought of how calm and happy I was at my fathers, but I know for a fact I wouldn’t think of staying there. There’s some things I’m just not willing to tolerate.

[the-scarlet-witch-22]

Music is one of the best reasons to travel! I honestly travel to places based on food, music, and nature!

And yesssss I'll tell you all about Samson and Delilah!!! 😁 The tickets were a gift and I was in shock because I thought they were going to be sold out. Saint-Saëns is sooo underrated and is honestly my favorite composers. And I love that you got to experience that kind of performance!!! Music is literally so transformative and those types performances give me ALWAYS make me SOBBB, especially if you know the person performing.

Goddd Habanera playing in the bathroom was sooo funny. The friend I was with also loves classical music and operas and so when we got back into the car all we could think about was associating pieces or composers with bathroom situations. I said that Brahms would feel very fitting for someone having a really upset stomach 😂😂 I actually grew up in Washington, specifically the Seattle area! So if you ever visit, highly recommend seeing the Seattle symphony or a musical at the 5th Ave theatre!! The Seattle symphony is great because it's right next to the Seattle Art Museum, and if you time it just right in the Summer you can see the symphony AND get a free jazz concert in the lobby of the SAM!!

Aahhhh that's so exciting!!!!! I've never seen Wicked live but I imagine it's SPECTACULAR!!! Nothing beats a live performances and I'm so excited that you get to go!! Hopefully you'll be able to see more live music/performance!!

Sorry my these keep getting longer and longer 😬 but your responses always bring me a boost of serotonin 💖 i hope you have a fantastic week and hopefully get a break and enjoy any holiday festivities ❤️

- paganini anon

Paganini Anon! Hellooo! I’m so sorry for the delay, I’ve been so busy this weekend with family activities.

Ahhh well I’m so excited for you- it’s awesome that you were surprised and it makes it even better that Saint-Saëns is your favorite composer!!! And yes, i completely agree! I love the way you worded that. I do cry sometimes while watching concerts, (I make jokes its due to my Pisces moon) but there’s something very powerful about watching a symphony perform these incredible works. I feel so lucky that I know how to play a lot of them, and that I’ve had the privilege to study and play the violin for almost 20 years now wow wow.

Ahdkfjdjs I’m obsessed w discussing composers in modern situations in general and I legit laughed very loudly reading this 😂 Brahms yes, the perfect choice!! I was also thinking of Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture haha. Oh that’s awesome! I’ve never been to Seattle but I know someone who’s from there, and I’ve heard a lot of wonderful things. I would love to go one day, especially to see the Seattle Symphony!!! Omg and art museums, I loveeee art museums- that’s so cool that they offer jazz concerts over the summer! Where I’m from they have jazz concerts (perhaps other concerts too, but I’ve only gone on jazz nights) at our aquarium and it’s so fun!

Yessss I’m so excited! The last time I saw Wicked I was very young- I want to say 7 or 8, but i loved it! And thank you 😭 That is so sweet!! I also forgot that I’m seeing The Lion King soon as well- and I’m so happy! My brother loves it and he can’t wait to go.

Also please don’t apologize for the messages getting longer- they make my day! I’m always happy to read and reply ☺️✨ And thank you! It was a super busy week and weekend but so much fun. I hope you’ve had a nice week of celebrating and hopefully some time to relax as well!! Thank you so much again for the ask, they always make me so happy! ♥️

[look-at-the-soul]

Have it all- Modern AU Tommy Shelby x Reader

Summary: Professor Jeremiah invites a friend during his ethics class to talk to his students since they are starting their last year in college. Turns out you weren’t a stranger to Mr. Shelby.

Congratulations on 600 @zablife !!!! 🎉🥳🙌🏻 cheers to many more, thank you for your incredible creations. You’re probably over 900 now (and I’m terribly sorry I couldn’t post this earlier) I’m glad you liked the idea of a modern Tommy and I included the college theme with Professor Jeremiah so it wouldn’t be too far from your chosen theme.

Also thanks to @thesoldiersminute for helping me choose what car would modern Tommy use :)

⚠️ No warnings necessary, smut it’s only implied in the end. I was so nervous about posting this one, so here it goes.

“Welcome everybody to the first day of class of your last year.” Professor Jeremiah greeted his students. “Especially to those who arrive on time.” He looked towards you on the front row and the other three students. “And those who arrive late like usual, that is going to get you in so many troubles.” He added as a group of students entered the room making noise.

You felt bad for him, his assignments were some of your favorites, especially the way he conducted his class, he was an expert and put so much of himself to explain the topics and he really tried to make his students engage.

“You already know me from your philosophy class so this time, I would like to start differently.” He paced around the room with his hands behind his back. “Since you’re about to go out to the real world, I thought it would be good for you to hear firsthand of different business from a man who managed to build an empire from scratch, he’s a good friend and let me tell you, he’s got an incredible eye for opportunities, he will talk to you about his businesses, how he manages to be an entrepreneur and a lot of things, just like me, he values punctuality so I won’t make him wait any longer… give it up for Mr. Shelby.”

You’ve heard Professor Jeremiah talk about his friend Mr. Shelby before, but you imagined he would be over sixty-four, not the walking image of Adonis you found as he entered the classroom in his immaculate suit, leather briefcase.

“Thank you for the touching introduction Jeremiah.” Mr. Shelby shook hands with your professor and the room went deadly quiet. “Good morning everybody, I hope you’re giving this man a hard time.” He winked and the classroom erupted in laughs. “This is the first time we do something like this and I hope a word or two of what you’ll hear today will help you in your future.”

His voice was soft, firm and denoted security, it also attracted everyone’s attention.

Another group of irresponsible students walked in, Mr. Shelby looked at them by the corner of his eye and remained quiet while they took their seats.

“I would like to start by telling you how lucky you are, to be able to study in a place like this, with this quality of professionals, it’s a great shot, but out there it doesn’t matter your grades, title, the university where you come from… no, what really matters is the passion you have for the things you do and that you’re the one willing to do anything to get things done.”

You thought you would be taking notes of his words, but instead you found yourself in some kind of trance, your mind registering every single word he said.

“I wasn’t born with the same privileges like you, I wasn’t able to go to college, started working probably at twelve, you know what my destiny was meant to be? A drunk man homeless begging for some cash under a bridge, a lot of people told me I was a dreamer, that everything was out of my league… but I was hungry and not only of food, I was hungry for success, I wanted to be at the top, to prove everybody was wrong… but mostly to prove myself they were wrong about me.”

Mr. Shelby paced quietly around, looking at the students in the eye.

“How many times have you heard ‘that’s not for you’?” He pointed at no one in particular. “How many people laughed at your dreams?” He stopped right in front of you and locked his eyes in yours. The air escaping your lungs. “You, broccoli head” he pointed at Ben, the whole classroom had their eyes on him, “what’s so funny?”

“Nothin’.” Ben answered, but as his ice eyes kept on the boy, he explained: “It’s just a tweet.”

“Take your tweet outside and if anyone else wants to join, feel free to go.”

Gasps and surprised looks were shared by your classmates. Once Mr. Shelby closed the door his eyes found yours again.

“That’s an example of what you shouldn’t do. I can guarantee you, that young man won’t get too far.” His eyes looked intensely around the room. “There’s a quote that motivates me whenever things seem to be like too much.” He made a small pause and taking a deep breath, he shared it with the group; “when you’re tired, you learn how to rest… you don’t quit. Of course I don’t rest, but it still does the trick.”

Mr. Shelby then went on sharing some of his experiences with his businesses and how he started some of the projects and also some failure stories to show that not everything goes out as planned.

You felt fascinated by his life experience, the difficulties he went through and he was able to overcome everything. He talked with such passion that made you think this was the best conference you’ve been to in your entire college time.

And speaking of time, it flew and, in a blink, Mr. Shelby looked down at his watch, clasped his hands together and asked if anyone had a question.

Of course, you were the first to raise your hand.

“Mr. Shelby, you mentioned businesses, how do you manage time to take care of more than one business?”

“First of all, call me Tommy… and may I have your name Miss…?”

“Y/N Y/L/N.”

Looking at you, he repeated your name with a smile. “This will sound like a cliché, but it’s true, when you want to do something you find a way, if not, you find an excuse, besides I’ve a great group of people who manages every aspect of the businesses that allows me take a step back but being present at the same time.” You thanked him for answering your question and he went on to the group to see if anyone else had another one.

As the room was quiet, another question was burning in your tongue.

“Go ahead Miss Y/L/N, shoot.” Tommy encouraged you.

Shyly you smiled at him. “If you could do something differently on your way to success, would you change anything?”

Tommy looked from you to Professor Jeremiah, who was chuckling silently finally your endless questions were directed to someone else.

“No, nothing because every single thing that I faced brought me to the place where I am today, but I’d have liked to have had the opportunity to study.”

Tommy scanned the group to see if anyone else had a question but the students were usually quiet at this point, embarrassed to ask anything.

“This is a big chance for all of you to clear any doubt you might have about a job, a company…” Jeremiah tried to encourage the group to ask questions and he was a bit disappointed by the lack of interest his students showed.

But you wanted to know more.

“Alright, brave Y/N has another one.” Tommy waved his hand at you, he was leaning against the desk, but soon he undid the button of his jacket and sat on the desk, completely relaxed.

“If you had to choose only one of your companies, which one would you choose and why?”

You saw him running his thumb over his forehead. “Why can’t I have it all?” He chuckled and you looked away from him for a few seconds. “That’s a very good question, Y/N I’d keep my horses I have a couple of them as a hobby, but they’re so pure, so honest, I could live the rest of my life raising them.” His eyes were fixed on you, the rest of the room vanished. “But from a profitable business I’d keep my construction company; I build houses for the wealthy people and with the earnings from it I build houses for the people with a lower income so they can pay the house off monthly at a low interest rate.”

“That’s very kind of you.”

You had to learn so much from this man.

He thanked the group for their time and went to pat Professor Jeremiah on the back as your classmates rushed out of the classroom.

“Just wanted to say that I really enjoyed your conference, your story is so inspirational Mr. S-”

But he interrupted you at the way you were addressing him by raising his hand. “Sorry, Tommy.”

“Much better Y/N. I was asking Professor Jem to give you extra credits for your enthusiasm.”

Your teacher flashed a big smile. “She’s not only my best student, she got a scholarship, has a small job at the library to pay off part of her grant, her notes are the best and she’s working with the technology department to develop a watch for the elders so if they get lost or they fall, their family gets an alert.”

Tommy looked at you with interest.

Jeremiah excused himself as another colleague called him.

“I’m interested in your project, come to my office next week and I’ll help your team with the right connections to make this happen.” He offered you his card. You’ve never had a business card before. Shelby Company Ltd. it read.

Thanking him for his time and attention, you picked your backpack, but he stopped you.

“Jeremiah says this is a good time for students to get a part time job to get experience before graduating.” You nodded. “Why don’t you come with me for lunch and we can discuss that project of yours?”

“I have to help professor Evans with his weekly program…”

Tommy looked at you with a million questions in his eyes, so you explained him how to pay back part of your scholarship, every semester you helped a professor with their activities; grading homework, preparing questionnaires, checking exams… before you were able to finish your explanation, he was calling Professor Jeremiah.

“Jimmy, yeah need a favor…” he looked at you with the hint of a smile on his lips. “could you let Professor Evans know Miss Y/N’s going to be helping you this semester? Of course she’s not though, you’re just her cover up. Thanks man.”

“You can’t do that.” You were in shock.

“‘Course I can, now you’re free to have lunch.”

His phone announced a new message from Kenya. Waiting for you. Fuck, he forgot they had plans to well, fuck over lunch.

Can’t go, I’m in the middle of a meeting.

He never skipped a chance to have a feminine body, but when he looked at you, he knew he made the right choice.

You didn’t know this man, but there was something about him that made you want to know more, maybe it was the way his eyes sparkled, or his contagious smile, the mysterious aura surrounding him, or the fact that he was friends with Professor Jeremiah.

Surprised of the elegant and ultra-expensive place he chose, you learned that he not only owned the place, but also another three restaurants of different categories that were part of the Shelby Group. He grew up in a very poor neighborhood in Birmingham and shared one small bed with his three brothers. In exchange you told him a little about your background, unlike him you were the only child, raised by your father after your mother passed away during birth. Always short of money, when you realized college was out of the budget, you applied to all the universities that offered a scholarship program.

“Would you like to work for me, Y/N?” He asked out of nowhere.

Was this your second or third glass of wine?

“But I don’t have any experience, Tommy and your companies are already established how can a student like me help you?”

“According to your professor Jeremiah, you proposed the no waste program to reduce the waste of notebooks, backpacks and other school supplies to help students who can’t afford to buy a backpack.” Tommy showed you the message and Instagram photo of your initiative.

You did it in your first semester, encouraging students to donate the things they didn’t use anymore that could help new students, others could also join by swapping their items. “I could use a pair of fresh eyes in my company.”

His velvety voice made you consider his proposal.

“Let’s do this…” his fingers playing with the border of his glass of whiskey, “come to the office tomorrow, let me show you around and you get to choose where do you want to work.”

“I will choose?”

Tommy nodded. “My company is at your disposal, you can pick the group that’s in charge of the restaurants, the pubs, the vineyard or the construction. Well the pubs and casinos are under the same management but separately if you know what I mean.”

“You’ve a vineyard?” If you were shocked before, now you were even more. He nodded and talked to you about his own whiskey brand.

“Well, I recently purchased a complex that has everything in the same area; shopping mall, apartments, offices but I don’t think you’d be interested in that.” Tommy lighted a cigarette, blowing the smoke away. He decided to leave the boxing matches and illegal car races out of the conversation, he didn’t want to bore you.

“How do you do that?”

“I only have the best people around me, that’s why I need you.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Say yes, I promise you this job won’t interfere in your studies, it’s only for your free time.”

This was all too much, him, his companies, how could he possibly need help from you, you were only a student. He showed you some photos, sliding through them, but then you found one that changed everything.

“That’s very kind of you, but I can’t accept.”

“Why not? Is there something wrong?”

“I’m really sorry, thank you for lunch, it was incredible to meet you and hear your story,” getting up, you took your bag from the rack, “I’ve to go, thank you one more time, your life is inspiring.”

And you walked away feeling guilty for lying to him.

Tommy was startled and didn’t have time to react to go after you.

So defeated, he went to the Garrison instead for the daily drink after work where the Blinders gathered.

Taking the Bullard cue, Michael was complaining that Polly walked in when he had some girl on his desk, Arthur laughing uncontrollably.

“Where have you been Tom?” Arthur poured him a drink.

“Busy.” He answered quietly after hitting the ball.

“Kenya was looking for you at the office.”

“Why did you let her in?!” He snapped in an irritated tone while Michael took his shot.

Arthur raised his hands in a sign that he had nothing to do.

He was about to continue the argument, when Jeremiah joined them in the back of the room.

“What do you know about Y/N?” He asked his friend while lighting a cigarette.

Jeremiah studied him while Tommy moved around the table to take his shot.

“The best of her class, International business student, reserved, she’s a good kid.”

“So she worked with that professor doing his job? Then she goes to the library and still has time to take care of a child?”

“Children, they are three. And the library needs to remain open for the medicine students of the campus, she also uses it as her time to do her homework because she can use the computer for free.”

“She could do that at home.”

“She rents the couch to one of her classmates and doesn’t have her own equipment.”

“When does she sleeps?”

“When do you?”

“Touché.” Tommy answered letting his brother use his turn to play.

“Why the sudden interest in Y/N?”

After a long pause, Tommy admitted out loud: “She reminds me so much of myself at her age.”

But there was something else he wouldn’t admit to Jeremiah; he was fascinated by you.

***

Holding the book against your chest, you entered the campus area, avoiding bumping into some of the students. Reaching your building, that’s when your eyes found him; leaning against the brick wall, flicking at his cigarette, he probably wasn’t aware of the eye sided looks of the other students, not that he seemed to care though. He wasn’t wearing a tie today, first button undone, Ray bans adding an unreal effect to the mystic around this man.

But his deadly accessory?

His smile.

“Good morning, Y/N.”

“Mr. Shelby what are you doing here?” You could hear the girls in your class whispering and staring at you.

“Again with the Mr?” He arched one of his eyebrows. “You suddenly left yesterday, so I’m here to see if you’d reconsider my job offer.”

Behind his sunglasses he was eyeing up and down.

His voice had a spell on you, not realizing how or when he walked you to the parking lot and now he was opening the door to his silver Aston Martin and you were freaking out to ruin anything around.

Sliding behind the wheel after he closed the door for you, he smiled again and you had to remind yourself how to properly breathe when he started the engine and drove away.

“Where are we going? I’ve classes to attend.”

“Professor Jeremiah will make sure you don’t go into any trouble if you skip a few courses today.”

“He can’t do that.”

A cocky look decorated his face. “But I do.”

He was having an internal battle trying to decide if he should tell you that apart for covering the rest of your scholarship and other tuition fees, he made a generous donation to the institute, therefore he could ask your professors to look the other way if you skipped some classes.

“I want to show you around the company.” Parking his car, you saw a sign announcing it was a reserved spot for the CEO, hurrying to open the door for you, he was telling you how he recently moved all of his businesses to this headquarters, each in a different floor. You noticed how everyone was able to see through the crystal private elevator, people quickly looking away.

“I tried to convince my aunt of choosing a traditional elevator, but she insisted on a clear one.” He explained as his hand brushed yours accidentally, sending electricity waves through your veins. “The first floor is used for the administration of the restaurants.” He showed you proudly and explained the different concept each place had, people walking past him, greeted Tommy as making a small bow to him, you were surprised to see him shaking hands with the guards, and the people cleaning, calling them by their names, taking a moment to have a chat.

And when he wasn’t greeting someone, he gave you long and deep glances.

The clubs were next, they had the best PR manager working on getting celebrities and special guest to celebrate their birthdays at their clubs. You remembered dancers in cages hanging from the ceiling when you went to one of them with your friends. He then suggested the two of you should go some day.

It was a surprise to see him talking so freely about what he did and how he was in charge of everything. He seemed to be in his element. He assured you again that could choose any business and area to work.

“In this floor we have a special team to monitor our casinos, we have the CCTV registering everyone; who walks in, who goes to the bathroom, their spending records…”

You started to breathe shakily, a strange pressure squeezing your brain, the walls around starting to close.

“Hmm I…”

“Sorry, am I explaining you too fast?”

“Tommy I can’t accept this job.” Every minute passing only made you feel worse.

“You haven’t seen the floor reserved for the booze, that’s my favorite place.” He deliberately ignored your words.

“I stole money from your company… I can’t work for you Tommy.” You suddenly snapped as he was in the middle of the stairs.

“My father couldn’t afford to pay college, I told him I got a full scholarship but that’s not true, I have to pay half of the tuition, it was so demanding and I couldn’t find a regular job because some classes are in the morning, midday and noon… if I wanted to study, I needed to find a way to make money.” While you were looking at your hands, embarrassed, Tommy walked down a couple of steps. “One of the few options I had without turning myself into a whore, was outplaying gambling games.” You explained, feeling his eyes staring at you. He remained in silence. “You’ve lots of failures at the poker tables, your dealers have the same signals since forever and the roulette always ends in the same four numbers, one time red, then black, again black and finally red, it’s a terrible pattern, they don’t change the sequence… I’m sorry, I promise I’ll pay you back every single cent.” Finally feeling free from telling Tommy the secret that had been eating you alive as you found out he was the owner of the casino you visited regularly to make money for college, you had to tell him and that’s why you couldn’t accept his offer.

And again, you tried to leave, feeling too embarrassed to look at him.

The only difference is that now he was prepared and stopped you taking you by the arm and walked you out of the building, to his car.

Silence was killing you, feeling sorry for lying to him and even worse, stealing from him, you kept your head down. He’d probably take you to the police station.

“Now follow me.” He motioned you out of his car, you didn’t notice he had drove back to the campus, if he wanted to talk to your professors you’d understand, you’d probably be denied to graduate.

Crossing your arms against your chest, you saw the wind moving the hair at the top of his head. The campus was in the opposite direction you wanted to tell him as he marched inside of one of the units made for the students living there.

After a quick trip in the elevator in silence, you didn’t know what to say.

His jaw clenched didn’t go unnoticed as he opened the door for you, why did he walk as if he owned the place?

“I heard you rent an uncomfortable couch to your roommates and use the library’s computer at night.” You nodded. “I know you’ve been stealing me for a while, Y/N. My security team detected you a little too late, I’ve to admit the redhead wig confused me a little bit, but then I followed your moves and tracked down the money you sent to your father after paying your tuition.”

In a shocked state, you frowned. “You knew I was stealing from you and did nothing?”

“You paid college, and showed me the flaws my casino had. Plus, I really enjoyed watching you in those wigs and outfits.”

Flashing a smile at you, Tommy started walking seductively, taking each step slowly. “Why?”

“Because… you wouldn’t have accepted the money if I offered it to you out of nowhere.”

“You’ve been studying me… you did your homework.”

“And since you told me the truth, I’m offering you this apartment for yourself.” Spinning you around, he pointed at a new desk, chair and the newest computer. “That too.”

“My economics professor says there’s no free lunch*.”

Tommy laughed. “Your professor is a wise person.” He sat at the arm of the couch, it looked more comfortable than the one where you usually slept on. “Not gonna lie, there are a couple of things I’m interested in.” Standing now in front of him, you saw his eyes sparkling, hooking his finger in the pocket of your skirt, he pulled you in for a kiss.

His mouth crashed on yours hard, his expert lips dancing with yours, his hands roaming your back up and down, the kisses exchange was intense. Pulling apart for some air, you saw his mouth water at the sight of your breasts so close to him.

“We can do great things together, Y/N. you can help me boost the security of the casino.” Tommy got up, but didn’t let go of your body, instead he started kissing down your jaw and neck. “And I can help you finish your career.”

“And in the meantime, we get to have fun?” You asked as he walked you backwards to one of the bedrooms.

“Oh, I can assure you, we’re going to have lots of fun.” He admitted playfully while scanning your face to read your reaction.

You liked how it sounded, and you also liked the adoration in his eyes as he finally helped you out of your top and skirt, standing in front of him in just your matching black lace underwear and stockings. Throwing his jacket away, you couldn’t resist the urge to start kissing the bit of skin exposed with each button you were opening. Holding you against the closed door of your bedroom, Tommy took your hands in his and raised them above your head, bending down to kiss you over the fabric covering your breasts, making you suppress a moan.

“Someone once told me, that I had to choose between the success of my career or my personal one. I’d like to see that person today to rub it in his face, that in fact… I can have it all.”

***

A/N: Free lunch= A free lunch describes a situation where an individual receives goods or services at no cost. A free lunch's cost is opportunity cost.

* If you want to be tagged in other stories, just let me know. ♥️ your comments and feedback have a huge impact ✨

Tag list:

@lyarr24 @datewithgianni @runnning-outof-time @gretelshelby @cloudofdisney @peaky-cillian @lespendy @onlydeadcells @shelbydelrey @cutecurly-hair @esposadomd @gypsy-girl-08 @strayrockette

[ladyartemesia]

TEASER: Kim Seokjin and the Mean Omega

Pairing: Nerd Alpha Kim Seokjin x Popular Omega Reader

Genre: A/B/O • Enemies to Lovers • (Sorta) College AU • Best Friend's Brother AU (Who is surprised? No one?)

Teaser Word Count: 3.6K

Teaser Warnings: A/B/O sexual dynamics • suggestive content

Rating: Explicit (18+) (Teaser is PG-13)

Summary: In the modern world, alphas are almost unheard of so why even bother learning about them? After all, as a spoiled (but reasonably kind-hearted) omega who is used to getting whatever she wants, you have better things to do. However, when unexpected circumstances throw you in the path of (extremely) nerdy and (probably?) shy Kim Seokjin, you're shocked to discover that he won't be wrapped around your little finger as easily as all the rest. Bringing that infuriating geek to his knees quickly becomes your personal mission in life... But it turns out that Kim Seokjin is not what he appears to be and the mean omega who eats beta boys for breakfast is about to get way more than she bargained for...

Author’s Note: This story would not be here without the love, support and friendship of my incredible support system. You talk with me, you laugh with me, you listen when I’m crying, and you read my chaotic drafts when I am ready to pull my hair out of my head in frustration. I love you all. @ppersonna @xjoonchildx @untaemedqueen @lemonjoonah. ALSO thank you to each and every one of you who encouraged me to post this story. This fic is dedicated to all of you as a token of my love and appreciation. Your support keeps me writing. Never doubt that for a second.

“...due to discriminatory anti-alpha policies in the late nineteenth and early twentieth century, alphas were nearly eliminated from the general population…”

You heaved a weary sigh and rolled your shoulders—stretching the buttons of your high-end Oxford shirt to their limit. The beta sophomore to your right whined audibly and you smirked.

“...despite efforts to restore the genetic balance of designations, alphas currently comprise less than one percent of the population…”

Your back arched slightly as you crossed your legs, letting the absurdly short hem of your skirt ride up even higher. The poor boy you were tormenting shifted miserably in his seat.

How was he supposed to focus on a Human Biology and Designation Studies lecture when the living breathing embodiment of every sweaty undergrad’s fantasies was twisting her fingers in her hair and wrapping her pretty pink tongue around a strawberry lollipop right there in the middle of class?

“...unlike betas and omegas, alphas possess enhanced strength and the ability to compel other designations with their voice. Unmated alphas especially were often baselessly feared and distrusted...”

You knew exactly how you affected boys like him. You were a shameless tease who relished their attention and the power it brought you. Who needed drugs when driving a man mad with desire was a rush more potent than any high?

“...and that’s all for today so please read pages 450-466 in the text over break and remember to turn in your essay on scent and consent in intimacy—”

That poor sophomore looked like he had finally worked up the courage to speak to you, but you were already out the door and tearing down the hall toward your beautiful (and entirely platonic) counterpart, Kim Taehyung.

“Do you think Professor Moore is unaware that class is over at 3:25 or is he just torturing us for science?”

Taehyung shrugged, falling into step beside you with practiced ease.

“I mean I would torture you for free so it’s hard to say.”

The corner of your mouth quirked up at his characteristic dry humor, but the irritation at being held in that sweltering lecture hall for an extra ten minutes had frayed your temper.

“It’s the last class before spring break, I’m sure he was on some sort of twisted power trip.” You dug around in your purse for some chapstick, ignoring Tae’s amused snorting, “Alphas barely exist anymore and none of us are likely to meet one. Why bother learning what they can do?”

Taehyung tilted his head in amusement.

“You might be surprised.”

The final party before the beginning of spring break was always a laid back affair.

Many people had already caught planes to their various destinations, but your flight was scheduled for early tomorrow morning—leaving you with some time to kill.

Taehyung pressed his newest experimental concoction into your hand within minutes of entering the house (a surprisingly neat bachelor pad owned by two seniors, Jung Hoseok and Min Yoongi) and then darted back to the kitchen to craft more questionable alcohol potions like a deranged party warlock.

You had just found a comfortable place on the couch and were contemplating whether sampling your best friend’s mad scientist elixir would be worth the probable damage to your body when—

“H-Hello...”

It was that sophomore from your Designations Studies class. What was his name again? Jungwoo? Jinwook?

“Jungkook,” you smiled, delighted to have remembered before it became awkward. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

You motioned to the empty cushion next to you and the man in question scrambled over like he’d won the lottery.

“I—I know we don’t know each other well, but I noticed you were absent during Professor Moore’s lecture on intimacy and scent consent so I—” he blushed deeply, “I wrote the essay for you—and I brought a copy on my flash drive if-if you want it.”

Your heart melted immediately.

“Oh my gosh Jungkook, that is so sweet of you!”

Your gaze darted over his muscular form and thick brown curls.

Sweet indeed.

“I don’t want to miss out on the learning though,” you pouted, placing a hand on his tattooed bicep. “Can you explain it to me?”

Jungkook nodded vigorously even as his wide eyes fell to where your fingers were sliding slowly over his chest.

Scent consent was a pretty basic and universally known concept, but you really were touched by the handsome sophomore's consideration.

Why not give him (and yourself) a little reward?

“Um so basically if two people are involved in...intimate activities—”

You leaned forward to nip his ear lightly and he whimpered.

“Like this?” you asked innocently.

“Y-Yes. Like that.” He gulped. “In an intimate situation consent or refusal can be smelled. The scent of refusal or reluctance in intimacy is strong, unmistakable, and has a high chemical potency.”

“Is that so?” you drawled, sliding over onto his lap. Jungkook’s eyes rolled back into his head and you bit back a grin.

He was adorable.

“Uh-huh—it—oh my gawd,” (you were nibbling on his ear again) “it can immediately block sexual arousal and performance in the other partner. Meaning, if consent is not present, then it becomes difficult or—ahh” (his voice began to waver under your continued attention) “—or even impossible to continue with intimate acts.”

Your hand slid up to his cheek, bringing him closer till your lips were almost touching.

“Then what does it mean if I’m still so turned on right now?”

“It means,” Jungkook shuddered—nearly delirious with your scent, “that I really really want you.”

Across the room, Park Jimin chuckled as he watched you seduce his enthusiastic friend.

Jeon Jungkook was such a sweet kid.

Hopefully he wouldn’t get too attached.

“Wow... Some people are genuinely born blessed I suppose.”

Jimin turned to see Jung Hoseok eyeing the dimly lit corner where you and the eager young sophomore were exploring each other.

It was a rather...provocative spectacle. Not quite raunchy (you weren’t truly an exhibitionist)—just insanely sexy.

Jimin’s gaze lingered on the smooth curve of your thigh where Jeon Jungkook was currently holding on for dear life.

Lucky bastard.

“Ah you know how she is,” he sighed. “That boy isn’t going to get any farther than anyone else.”

It was relatively common knowledge that you liked to mess around but rarely—if ever— fully hooked up with anyone.

Jimin asked you about it once during a drunken game of truth or dare and you had just shrugged, mumbling something along the lines of avoiding STDs (which—to be fair—was at least part of your motivation), but the truth was a little more complicated than that.

In terms of experience, you weren’t a virgin, but... you hadn’t actually had sex in years.

You loved the chase, the foreplay, the build-up—the game of cat-and-mouse between two people who were attracted to one another.

But the final consummation was always so…

Wildly unfulfilling.

Every encounter left you frustrated. Empty.

Grumpy—even.

So you stopped bothering with it all together. (That was what sex toys were for after all.)

At the end of the day you were perfectly content being labeled a tease—it meant that people tended to know what they were (or rather weren’t) getting into when they rolled the dice with you.

Besides…it hadn’t even put a dent in your throng of admirers.

You were sunny, spoiled, indulgent, almost universally adored—

And you loved every minute of it.

“You know…” Hoseok took a long sip of his drink. “I always thought she would end up with Taehyung, but it’s been three years.”

Like you, Kim Taehyung was a trust fund brat and it was only natural that two beautiful and absurdly privileged people would gravitate to one another. You met at a freshman pledge party and had been an inseparable (and formidable) dynamic duo ever since.

The undisputed king and queen of campus.

Yes—maybe the two of you were a little self-absorbed at times, but it was hardly your fault that people tended to instinctively cater to the force of your combined looks, wealth, and charisma.

And it didn’t hurt that neither of you were ever intentionally cruel or unkind.

Just... habitually thoughtless.

(Though not when it came to each other. If anything your friendship was one area where you were both a little more human.)

Jimin shook his head.

“Nah that’s never gonna happen.” He tapped his nose. “They’re scent-crossed.”

Hoseok’s eyes widened.

“Really?”

Scent-crossed pairs didn’t smell sexually attractive to each other.

Like. At all.

No matter how physically or visually appealing an individual might be, it would be near impossible to form a sexual or romantic attachment to them if you were scent-crossed. Alphas, betas, and omegas were all subject to their noses first and foremost in the realm of attraction.

You and Taehyung smelled like comfort and home to one another...

But you were more turned on by a crisp cup of apple juice than you were his scent and the feeling was quite mutual.

He might as well have been your actual brother.

“That explains so much.” Hoseok snorted as he watched a drunken Taehyung do a flying leap on top of both you and Jungkook.

“Why is sunlight so offensive?” you croaked, dragging yourself and your luggage toward the boarding ramp next to an equally miserable Taehyung.

“The next time I book a flight before 9 AM, please shoot me,” he grunted.

Your parents were celebrating their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary with a month-long European cruise so your best friend had graciously invited you to spend two glorious weeks of spring vacation at his family estate.

The invitation had actually come as somewhat of a surprise because—for all your closeness—Taehyung was uncharacteristically tight-lipped about his family.

Not that he was deliberately withholding information per se… It was just that he never really brought them up beyond an occasional passing comment.

The one time you did ask him about them directly he sighed and said—

“We’re very close, but… I suppose we’ve just gotten used to being very private.”

There was clearly more to the story, but you were confident that Tae would share it if and when he was ready.

“My parents are in Seoul opening a new branch of the company. They took my little sister with them and my older brother has his own house so it will be just us.” He snuggled deeper into the first class seat directly next to yours. “We’ll hang out by the pool and chill during the day, then hit up some of the new clubs or whatever at night.”

“So… No one from your family will be there?”

Perhaps the invitation was not so surprising after all.

“Nope. Just you and me and thirty acres of ocean front property.”

You grinned.

“Perfect.”

“Whose room is that?”

The two of you were lugging your bags down the main hall of Taehyung’s expansive mansion when a strange hint of...something caught you right by the nose.

Your friend turned to find you frozen and staring curiously at a familiar door near the balcony.

His eyes widened, but you were too preoccupied to notice his momentary concern.

“That’s just Jin’s room.”

A firm hand wrapped around your wrist and dragged you away, but your eyes stayed glued to the source of the mysterious scent until you were around the corner and out of sight.

Your suite for the next two weeks was right across the hall from Taehyung’s. There was a whirlpool, a full bath, a balcony, and an ocean view that would rival the cover spread of any travel magazine.

Tae headed for the shower (to ‘wash the airplane off’) immediately after showing you the room and you were thinking of doing the same except…

Your mind kept going back to that door and the hint of scent you detected.

There was something… different about it.

It was faint—and far from fresh (which made sense considering that one of the few things you did know about Kim Seokjin was that he hadn’t lived in this house for years).

But still…

The need to smell it again pressed insistently at the back of your mind.

Suddenly the sound of Taehyung singing raunchy lyrics in the shower carried over through the walls and you found your feet moving almost of their own accord.

What Tae doesn’t know won’t hurt him, you rationalized, making your way down the hall toward Jin’s door. Besides—it’s not as if I’m going to steal anything…

You just needed to find that scent again.

By the time your fingers closed over the knob every one of your nerves was strangely—acutely—alert but nothing could have prepared you for what was waiting behind the door.

Oh. My. Gosh.

“What a colossal nerd.”

The room was covered floor to ceiling in Nintendo memorabilia.

Bright primary colors assaulted your eyes from all directions in the form of action figures, posters, pillows, and every other conceivable merch variety known to man.

In the center of the suite stood a large king-sized bed covered in a custom black couture toile-style Mario-verse bed set (that looked every bit as expensive as it was geeky) and a mountain of high quality Nintendo character plush toys.

Everything was simultaneously luxe and nostalgic—a rare combination of sophisticated aesthetic balance and childlike indulgence.

And the scent was there.

It was faint and covered under layers of cleaner and air fresheners, but still lingering just below the surface—too weak for you to get a really good whiff, yet potent enough to torment you.

You moved forward unconsciously toward the strongest source of the hypnotic smell—the strangely inviting expanse of Kim Seokjin’s mattress.

Suddenly the urge to climb—no crawl—across the bed itself and roll around in it like a kitten in catnip gripped you out of nowhere.

“What the hell?” you muttered, rubbing absently over the mating gland at the base of your neck.

Something very odd was going on with your body.

Your restless gaze zeroed in on one of the stuffed toys piled atop his pillows. It was a cute little mushroom man your brain recognized as a Mario character named ‘Toad’.

Take it.

Your mouth dropped open in shock.

You need it.

“Am I going insane?” you wondered aloud.

You have to take it.

Muscles in your hand began to twitch involuntarily. You bit your lip.

Bring it back with you.

Several minutes later a freshly washed Taehyung wandered over to your room and found you sitting perfectly still on your bed while staring off into space.

His head tilted in curious concern.

“Everything ok?”

You started a bit at the sound of his voice, but recovered quickly.

“Never better!” you chirped—almost too brightly. “Let’s go get some dinner, I’m starving.”

Then you grabbed his hand and pulled him down the hall toward the kitchen—shutting the door before he could catch a glimpse of his brother’s stuffed Toad doll stashed underneath your pillow

“...a critical water main rupture in the city’s New Market district early this morning has forced several residents out of their homes as flood water swelled up to nearly two feet. The governor declared a state of emergency and ordered hotels around the city to accommodate the displaced citizens. Crews are still clearing the water and assessing damages. We expect—

“Hey!” you shouted through a mouthful of cereal, after Your best friend switched off the television, “I was watching that!”

“And what you should be doing is getting ready for the pool.” Tae snatched your cereal bowl and dragged you by your shirt collar toward the stairs. “It is the first morning of our vacation. I’m not trying to waste any time. Now go.” He shoved you forward, smacking your ass for good measure.

You swatted back at him half-heartedly as jogged back up to the room where you enjoyed a surprisingly restful sleep last night.

Kim Seokjin’s door glared at you accusingly as you shuffled past—unable to let you forget that you had kidnapped it’s little mushroom man in an unexplained fit of kleptomania, but that was a problem for your future self.

The you of right now was going to zen out in the Kim family's premium glass-enclosed indoor pool (it was still a little chilly for the outdoor pool) with her best friend and bask in the simple joys of good company and no responsibility.

...Or not.

A few minutes later you bounced into the living room wearing a simple black tankini with a cute floral cover only to find Taehyung on the phone with his head in his hands.

“Yes, sir. I understand… I...I know this is my responsibility...”

That didn’t sound good.

After a few more tense moments, Tae hung up and collapsed backward into the couch with a heavy sigh.

“That water main break you heard about on TV this morning was the last straw between the province and its current contractor. They called an emergency meeting for new bids.”

Your heart dropped as you sank down beside him.

“Your dad wants you to go...doesn’t he.”

Taehyung nodded miserably.

“He can’t leave the Seoul opening on such short notice and managing government construction contracts is part of what I’ve been training for. This could be huge for our company.”

“Well...why doesn’t your brother go?”

“Jin is the brains behind most of our patented gaming and tech innovations. He wouldn’t even know where to begin with this sort of thing. Besides,” his lips quirked up in a rueful grin, “my brother doesn’t have the patience to stroke entitled geriatric egos for hours on end—which is likely what I’m going to have to do.”

The two of you headed back to Taehyung’s room where you helped him pack some suits and toiletries for his trip.

Naturally you were disappointed but...this was a great opportunity for your best friend to prove himself in his chosen field and you both knew it. In fact, he was already starting to brighten a bit.

“The meeting is about a hundred miles north of here. My dad’s secretary already handled the flight and hotel room.” His eyes darted around the suite to see if he was forgetting anything.

It was clear he was nervous, though you were sure he didn’t need to be. Kim Taehyung was a trust fund brat, but he was also talented and deeply passionate about his family’s company.

Someday this would be the norm. The two of you were stealing time in college, determined to live a little before the expectations of your powerful families transferred fully onto your shoulders.

It was becoming more and more clear, however, that your carefree time was slowly running out.

Mother had already spoken to you about potential marriage alliances and your father expected you to intern with his Vice President this summer just as your elder sister had...

Taehyung’s voice suddenly interrupted your bittersweet introspection and you couldn’t help but smile at how grown-up he looked in his suit and briefcase ensemble.

Everything was going to change, but not quite yet.

“They estimate negotiations should take around a week or so…” He walked over and pulled you into a tight hug. “There should still be some vacation left for us when I get back.”

“Hurry back then,” you mumbled grumpily into his chest and he chuckled.

“I will.”

Taehyung had been gone for less than twenty minutes when you decided that the best use of your time would be to eat more snacks.

The last thing you expected when you skipped merrily into the kitchen was to find it occupied by a shaggy-haired homeless man in glasses.

Your first instinct was to scream which caused the homeless man to drop the apple he was biting right onto the floor where it rolled around for a small eternity before coming to rest at his ankles.

Your second instinct was to grab a butcher’s cleaver from the nearby knife block and wave it chaotically at the intruder while shouting something along the lines of—

“You’ve made a huge mistake! My boyfriend is the biggest, meanest mafia boss in Seoul! Leave now and he might let you live!”

The homeless man continued to stare at you with a mixture of confusion and shock, but made no move to run away in terror like you were hoping.

So you tried again.

“Didn’t you hear what I said?! The last man who touched me drinks his steak through a straw now! Do the smart thing and leave before my boyfriend comes down those stairs and it’s too late!”

Infuriatingly, the homeless man was still not fleeing for his life and frankly you were starting to get frustrated. You drew in a deep cleansing breath and were prepared to issue another grandiose threat when he finally spoke.

“I’m sorry, miss. I... think there’s been some sort of mistake. Who is your boyfriend?”

There was no rational explanation for what came out of your mouth next, but it rolled off your tongue so smoothly and you didn’t even flinch.

“Kim Seokjin.”

For the first time in your entire exchange, the intruder looked truly alarmed.

Now that’s more like it.

“You’ve heard of him I see. He’s a dangerous man and my body belongs to him.” You slammed the cleaver down onto the countertop with a (hopefully) menacing slash. “Kim Seokjin doesn’t like when other men put their hands on what belongs to him.”

There was a long, unpardonably tense moment of silence…Then the stranger slowly reached forward and picked up a mobile phone from the table in front of him.

His eyes remained locked with yours as he pressed a quick series of buttons, brought the phone to his ear, waited a few seconds and said—

“Taehyung… Would you mind telling me why there is a half-naked, knife-wielding omega in our kitchen claiming to be my girlfriend?”

Hello! Please comment on this post if you would like to be added to the taglist!

You guys were all so wonderful, and encouraging, and excited that I literally got this teaser out in three days! If you like what you read so far, please let me know! I cannot put into words how meaningful and valuable feedback is to me. I truly treasure it! It fuels my creativity and keeps me writing. I would love to hear from you!

[pleasantanathema]

Pleasant’s Writer Recs!

I’ve gotten a few asks in my inbox over the past few weeks asking me for writer recs, so I thought the best way to do this was to compile a list of my fav authors on tumblr and rec my favorite fic of theirs! A lot of these amazing authors are moots—I’m very lucky to call many of them close friends. This list could be much longer, and I could go on for days about every single author, but I’ll try to keep it brief. Most all of these authors, like myself, write 18+ only content. Hopefully this can be a useful tool for authors and readers alike looking for amazing fanfic 💕

@bakatenshii | Angel is so phenomenal with her writing that I almost can’t put her style and amazing ability into words (but I’ll try). Angel’s work is beautiful, masterful, full of poetry, elegance, and smut that will all leave you gasping. Fav Fic: Blitz [Ushijima x Reader]

@blahkugo | Sunnt, Thunnth, Sunny, whatever you call her, she is brilliant. No one writes Tsukishima quite like she does. She is beyond creative and her writing style flows like the sexiest water, it’ll make you thirsty and quench your aches. Fav Fic: Tower [Tsukishima x Reader]

@deathcab4daddy | Tay is all about details, details, details. She fills in every gap and paints gorgeous, sexy pictures and situations for the reader to feel immersed in. Fav Fic: Cerulean Blue [Akaashi x Reader]

@dymphnasprose | Dymphna is all about fun, sex, and slowly filling out her holy bible of smut. She’s amazing at creating realistic sub/dom relationships and her smut almost always comes with a healthy dose of build-up. Fav Fic: Green Scrunchies [Ukai x Reader]

@enjifuckersupreme | Ketsl reigns supreme over pure, unadulterated porn. They are phenomenal at making me the reader wet, and every fic is crafted with so much care. Enji fuckers should bow down at their feet, no one loves and writes Enji like Ketsl. Fav Fic: Attitude Adjustment [Enji x Reader]

@hisoknen | Raph is one of the first dark blogs I ever started reading, and she never, ever disappoints. She writes pieces that chill you to the bone, but warms your sex- her writing is casual, smooth, and realistic, always giving you everything you need, but leaving you wanting a little more. Fav Fic: Sleeping Beauty [Dabi x Reader]

@hoe-doroki | Ana is one of the sweetest writers I know. Every time I talk to her, she’s working on comfort requests or beta-reading for other people. Her writing is such a pleasure to read, as you can tell she pours love and consideration into every fic for her readers. Fav Fic: Can’t Find My Breath [Bakugou x Reader]

@joyousandverywarlike | Zo...holy fucking shit. Zo is a writer who consistently blows me out of the water with her skill. This woman is a novelist blessing us with juicy, rich smut and love stories like no one else can. She is incredibly poetic and her writing is an absolute joy to read; she also writes amazing fics for black readers and has an amazing voice that she uses for asmr audios! Fav Fic: How We Met [Ushijima x Reader]

@lemonlordleah-shinzawa-kitten | Leah is an author who takes immense care with her work. She works incredibly hard to craft sexy, healthy bdsm fics for bnha. She is a great blog to go to for bdsm education, and she’s also got a side blog @lemonlordleah-extra-sour for all you extra naughty readers who like the darker side of fanfic. You should also check out her Patreon! Fav Fic: Between the Evergreen [Aizawa x Reader]

@linestrider | Nyki’s work is like smooth water, it’s calming, refreshing, but she also adds a nice, chill bite to it as well with her darker style. Nyki puts such an impressive amount of care into her work; a word is never out of place, every sentence has meaning, every paragraph gives you something new. It was very hard to choose just one fic to recommend. Fav Fic: What’s Said is Said [Hawks x Reader]

@lookslikeleese | Leese is one of the most fun writers on Tumblr, and by that I mean you just have a shitload of fun reading her fics. They are like little, sexy treats to take in right before bed and feel a little more full than you were before. She is also the Cucking Queen. Fav Fic: Cola [Enji x Reader] 

@messwriting | Lee is also another fun writer! Her writing is exhilarating to read, and you’d never guess she’s a sexy Brazilian whose second language is English based on how well she writes. She’s a little sex goddess who will give you everything you want and more in every fic. Fav Fic: What We Could’ve Been [Tsukishima x Reader]

@mindninjax | Marquie is a full on sweetie with a sexy side. She. Is. So. Creative. Every fic of hers is so unique and her masterlist is a whole reading experience. She writes Bakugou Katsuki so damn well, she’s a master at characterization, even in au’s. She also writes beautiful fics for black readers. Fav Fic: Bound to You [Bakugou x Reader]

@nekokoafanfictions | I first found Ai on Ao3, and then was fortunate enough to come across their blog here on Tumblr! I’ve said this before in previous rec lists, and I’ll say it again, I still read their fics some nights to fall asleep to, they are just that good, every fic will have you coming back at some point to read it again. Fav Fic: City Lights [Enji x Reader]

@present-mel | The. Queen. Of. Dialogue. Mel is a master at making her fanfic feel real, gritty, sexy, and beautiful all at the same time. This woman pours her heart and soul into fanfic, especially into her Erwin series Fragments of Memories. I was so captivated by her work that I just had to become her friend, her work is enchanting and thrilling. Fav Fic: Until the Fire Played [Enji x Reader]

@rat-suki | Annie makes me horny. Like, real horny. Her smut is fantastic and are often little thrill rides within themselves. Fuck rollercoasters, just go to Annie’s masterlist to find a joy ride. Fav Fic: Hell Fire [Enji x Reader]

@rivendell101 | I’m such a big fan of Alisha, that I sent her a request months ago before we even became friends. This author knows how to craft a story, her work is very meticulous with details and her plots are always so spot on. Fav Fic: Sweet Thing [Natsuo x Reader]

@smutbardpeach | Smutbard is the most accurate title for Peach, as her fics read like poetry and song, filled with beautiful language, imagery, and allusions to the brim. If you’re ever looking for something romantic, sensual, delightful, and just overall magnificent to read, this is the blog to go to. Peach’s work is like reading poetry and classics right off the shelf. Fav Fic: Truth in Wine [Hizashi x Reader]

@spicyness | Are you thirsty? Do you like fun, sexy headcanons? Ness is the author for you. Ness is so, so fun and sweet, and is active with her followers and is always posting something new and creative for us to nibble at. Her blog is full of fun thirsts and she’s always a joy to see pop-up on my dash. Fav Fic: Pride [Bakugou x Reader]

@sugardaddykenma | Lin has the most amazing brain. I wish I could just...see and understand how she thinks. Her blog is full to the brim with hilarious, iconic, and down right fucking true headcanons for haikyuu characters. Many nights I have stayed up laughing my ass off and saying “why is that so true?” while reading through her astonishingly creative work. Fav Fic: Haikyuu on Drugs

@thewheezingwyvern | Wyv is a writer who gets straight to the point; her words are poignant, meaningful, and always paint a very clear picture. She is a Shinsou and Aizawa lover/fucker all the way to her core, and she’s amazing at bringing those characters to life in her work. Fav Fic: Salt Lines [Aizawa & Shinsou x Reader]

@thisisthehardestthing | Claudia is one of the most talented writers I have ever met. Period. She has a vocabulary, a depth, an ability to craft the most intense, alluring, and magnificent fanfic you’ve ever read. Most of her work doesn’t even seem like fanfic, it reads like love letters stuffed into the pages of a book that stand the test of time with her marvelous writing abilities. She always awes me, as every single fic is unique and powerful it its own way. Fav Fic: Tocka [Tanaka x Reader]

@tomurasprincess | The Queen of Darkness herself, Mari is amazing at fulfilling all of your dark desires. I’ve never met anyone else who is as active as she is with her followers, as she’s constantly pushing herself to answer requests and give people exactly what they want to see. She has such an expansive masterlist, any dark fic lover can find something worthwhile from her! She’s almost made a Shigaraki fucker out of me, almost. Fav Fic: Wraith’s Touch [Shigaraki x Reader]

@undermattsun | Miki taught me what a skate rat is. Do I understand it yet? Not really, but I fucking like it. Miki is so much fun and is always active with her followers, giving out awesome thirsts, visuals, and headcanons for her fav haikyuu characters. Fav Fic: Flavor of the Month [Matsukawa x Reader]

@vixen-scribbles | Vixen is someone who cares about everyone around her, and her blog reflects that. Amongst all her amazing writing, you’ll always find her recommending her friends and supporting other writers. Her writing is fucking sexy, she knows her way around the bedroom when it comes to fics, and she’s got a lengthy masterlist to fawn over. Fav Fic: Take All of Me [Ushijima x Reader]

@whats-her-quirk | Truly, the best has been saved for last. June’s work is the heart and soul of classic, fucking amazing fanfic. I can’t even explain how much I love her fics, like they will put the biggest smile on your face and have your thighs rubbing together in anticipation. June is writing her fantasies and having fun, and we are privileged to enjoy the ride with her. She knocked kinktober out of the fucking park, with each fic being a new, fresh delight. Fav Fic: Once in a Blue Moon [Karasuno x Reader Gangbang]

This list could honestly be twice as long, and perhaps in the future I’ll make a companion to it as I meet new authors and read more amazing fanfic. Please give all these authors a follow or at least check out their blogs. 💖

[enchantestuff]

baku - pierre gasly

back to some good ol’ smut, I didn't want to be rude so here is the reader and pierre celebrating his podium in Baku the old fashioned way (yes I know I'm late but I'm still not over that podium) also I don't know what to write next to any ideas or requests are greatly appreciated x

NOT MY GIF

warnings: smut, once again semi-public, pierre gasly, language, enjoy <333

1.5k words

Baku was a great race. It was intense for everyone on the field, but it was particularly intense for Pierre Gasly who managed to scrape a podium for himself and his team.

You laughed as he crossed the line granting him P3. You high fived everyone in the garage as you bounced up and down with glee. Pierre had invited you to watch him race for the first time and you felt incredibly privileged to be sharing his first podium of the season with him.

You grinned with glee as he made his way onto the podium. The atmosphere around you was incredible as it seemed all three teams celebrated together, hugs were passed around from the different engineers and small jokes were exchanged.

It was only hours later, after several interviews and many people begging to speak with him, that you finally got to congratulate Pierre yourself. He walked into his driver's room with the same grin from earlier on still planted on his face. Once you caught sight of him you ran into his arms, Pierre laughed as he easily lifted you up and you wrapped your legs around his waist. “Well done Pierre! I’m so proud of you baby” you gushed in his ear as you tightly hugged him.

Pierre chuckled as he placed his trophy down on the table and hugged you back with just as much force. “Thank you, mon amour. I think you might be my lucky charm.” He squeezed your thighs as he spoke and you pulled your face away from his chest in order to look into his eyes. Pierre pulled his lips between his teeth as he watched your eyes dancing around his face.

You studied him in silence, noting the blush creeping up his cheeks and the small beads of sweat running down his forehead. You ran your hands over his shoulders, feeling the smooth material of his fireproof undershirt under your fingers.

Pierre didn't want to break the silence, you always had a peaceful look planted on your face whenever you studied him and he had always adored it, but his body was currently full of adrenaline and there was nothing he wanted more than to take you on the couch. The possibility of anyone entering at any time thrilled him, so he kissed you.

He pressed you up against the wall and kissed you. He rolled his hips into yours as slipped his tongue in your mouth. You could feel your heart beating in your chest as you kissed Pierre, you lost yourself in the moment, something that regularly happened whenever he kissed you. You ran your fingers through his hair, playing no mind to the sweat that coated it, you did however pay attention to the grunt that left his lips as you pulled on his wet locks.

Pierre pulled away and moved to suck the sensitive skin just under your ear. “I want to mark you all over” he whispered in your ear before moving his head to replicate the mark under your other ear. You felt your underwear dampen at his words as your eyes fluttered open to watch him. They suddenly widened as you realised where you were and what the two of you were doing. You gently pushed him off of you and planted your feet firmly on the ground.

“What's wrong?” he asked as he placed his hands on your hips, a concerned look suddenly crossing his features. If you werent so flustered you probably would have laughed at the sight of him, his eyebrows furrowed and his lips parted with his hard on showing through his drivers suit. “Did I do something wrong, ma cherie” he spoke again pulling you away from your thoughts.

“No” you denied as you shook your head, “we can't do this here” you explained, moving your arms around you, gesturing to the room you were currently in, the room that anybody could walk into.

“Sure we can” he teased as he kissed down your neck, “you just have to be really quiet, ma jolie” he smirked as you whimpered, he placed his hand down your underwear, gently stimulating your clit as he continued to whisper in your ear.

“Tell me you dont want this” he added, you let out a quiet whimper as he inserted a finger into you, “hmmm, mon amour? Tell me to stop and i’ll stop”

“F-fuck Pierre” you choked out as you held onto his bicep, digging your nails into his arm, hard enough to draw blood but Pierre didn’t seem to mind as he continued to pleasure you.

“What was that, ma cherie? I didn’t quite hear you” he teased and added another finger. “Do you want me to stop?” he asked as he halted his movement. You quickly shook your head, not willing to sacrifice the pleasure he was providing you with. “Im waiting” he continued and began to move his fingers away but you quickly grabbed his wrist.

“No” you pleaded, your eyes closed in frustration.

Pierre grinned at the desperate look on your face, he slowly brought his other hand up to your face, tucking your hair behind your ear as he whispered in your ear once more. “No to what?” he questioned

“No, don't stop”

That was all Pierre needed to get going again, he quickly continued the movement of his fingers as his thumb stimulated your clit once again. “Are you going to let go for me?” he pondered, and judging by your face, yes, yes you were. “Go ahead” he happily sighed as his forehead fell against yours.

All you could focus on was the pleasure that you felt and the hot breath that fanned over your neck, you felt goosebumps rise on your skin and you involuntarily shivered. “That's it, mon cheri” he uttered as you clenched around his fingers, “such a good girl”

All of a sudden, all you could feel was your sweet release and you gripped Pierres arms to stabilize yourself. When you were finally aware of your surroundings you opened your eyes, only to see Pierre remove his fingers from you and place them into his mouth. The sight made your knees weak.

Pierre gently pecked your lips as he hoisted you up once more and moved you to the couch. He was careful as he knew you were still sensitive, he was sure you wouldn't last long, but honestly, neither would he.

He moved your dress up your waist as you pulled his trousers down. “Still eager?” he grinned, widening his smile as he saw the blush creep up your cheeks. He finally freed his member and almost hissed at the sight of his red tip. He looked down at you with concerned eyes, “you still want to do this?” he asked and your heart fluttered, he was always tending to your needs before his own, something that you loved him deeply for.

“Yes”

Pierre nodded and grabbed hold of your waist before gently easing himself into you. An unholy moan left his lips as he bottomed out inside of you. He gave you a minute to adjust before he started moving. You almost immediately felt the pleasure begin to build in your stomach. “F-fuck, mon amour” Pierre grunted in your ear as he continued his movements, quickly sliding in and out of you and reaching all your sweet spots in the process.

A quick, brisk knock on the door caused you to hold in the moan you were about to let out and Pierre to halt his movements. The sound of the doorknob moving caused your heart to hammer in your chest. “Pierre?” Pierres PR manager called as she opened the door a fraction of an inch.

“NO! No, don't come in!” Pierre almost shouted as he brought his hand to your mouth, muffling any sounds that you might accidentally make.

“Everything ok?” the woman asked as she quickly shut the door in front of her.

“Y-yeah, sorry i'm just...naked”

Your eyes widened at Pierre's words and he nervously shrugged at you. When his PR manager didn't answer he felt the need to justify himself. “I’m just getting dressed, i'll be right out,” he clarified.

“Take your time, the team just wants to take a picture together.” she explained.

Pierre waited until he could hear her footsteps move in the opposite direction to begin his movements again. He kept his hand on your mouth, he knew people were nearby and he didn't want to risk anyone hearing the beautiful noises that you made, they were for his ears and his ears only.

Your eyes rolled back and he hit your sweet spot, muffled moans filling the room as he continued to hit it until you felt sweet release once again. The look on your face and the clenching of your walls quickly encouraged Pierres own release and he struggled to hold himself on top of you, bearing his weight on his forearms as he sighed in pleasure.

“That was-that was great” he mumbled, still in a haze of bliss. You ran your fingernails up and down his neck.

“Pierre” you heard on the other side of the door, “Are you okay in there”

“Shit” he mumbled under his breath as he eased himself out of you, throwing you a sympathetic glance as you winced. “Sorry, I was-erm meditating” he choked out and you muffled your own laugher with your hand, looking at him with a goofy smile on your face as he quickly got changed into his regular clothes.

[wandavsions]

losing my goddamn mind thinking about how peace by taylor swift perfectly describes katniss & peeta’s love story in the hunger games… and since i apparently have too much time on my hands, here you go

 “our coming of age has come and gone” the whole... you know... point of the hunger games... but also the fact that both katniss, peeta and all of the children in panem have had to grow up so much quicker than anyone would have wanted. their only childhood encounter (where peeta tosses katniss that lifesaving loaf of bread) passes by in an instant...

“never had the courage of my convictions / as long as danger is near” -  the genius annotation for this lyric mentions a “fear of commitment”, which is another struggle for katniss, whose priority is survival. she doesn’t have the privilege of dreaming and romanticizing. so much of her internal conflict is worrying that loving more people means more to lose. in contrast, peeta never lets circumstance put a quota on how many people he loves

“i’m a fire and i’ll keep your brittle heart warm / if your cascade ocean wave blues come” - katniss’s narration talks so often about how blue peeta’s eyes are… the perfect companion to the girl on fire. this particular lyric makes me want to combust and it’s just so perfect for these two people so just trust me, okay?

“all these people think our love’s for show / but i would die for you in secret” LIKE COME ON??? this whole part in mockingjay:

“the devil’s in the details, but you got a friend in me” - peeta and katniss working together to undo the capitol’s hijacking... the devil (snow) has severely altered the details/peeta’s memories of katniss, but through their real/not real game, they’re able to make progress.... this part of mockingjay always gets me

“your integrity makes me feel small / you paint dreamscapes on the wall” is truly one of the most romantic lyrics i have ever heard. i don’t know why it hit me as hard as it does, but it’s clear that katniss sees peeta’s virtue as something foreign... there are several times where she talks about how genuinely good and kind he is; traits that surprise or even shame katniss, who is pessimistic and slow to trust in comparison. this is a common thread in the series: that peeta is a “better” person than katniss to the point that she feels… tarnished compared to him. and of course, the painting imagery. incredible

“give you my wild, give you a child” - katniss often refers to herself as a beast/animal, be it through physical description or as a metaphor for her current situation + the part in catching fire where she ponders what it means to bring a child into their world, and dares to imagine a place “where peeta’s child could be safe”

(tangent here: i really love how taylor phrases this lyric ... like beyond the shallow need for rhyme scheme, there’s something so deeply raw about the structure here... i can’t fully explain why “give you a child” is so striking but it Just Is)

“give you my sunshine, give you my best” is literally the last paragraph of mockingjay where she explains why she ultimately chooses peeta: “I have plenty of fire myself [...] What I need is the bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses.” AAGHGHGHG don’t hmu just crying over the thought of katniss & peeta seeing the goodness in themselves through each other... and the difference between katniss’s fire and peeta’s sunlight and what the latter means for a warmer, kinder future...

anyway. i’ll shut up now. stay tuned for next week when i talk about the lucky one and daylight! (just kidding but i do have a spotify playlist arranged in a very particular order inspired by this <3)

[glowingbadger]

Hi! Could you do SFW and NSFW relationship headcanons for Raphael and Hubert, please?

(P.S. I swear I sent this in a few weeks ago but you must not have gotten it. I am mortified at the chance I accidentally sent it to another blog!)

Your timing is incredible- your request was literally the next one on my list haha :3 So no worries, it got to the right place! I'm just still catching up a bit lol. Let's talk Raph and Hubie!

Raphael, Hubert x GN Reader

SFW (nsfw below the cut)

Raphael:

- Raphael is such an absolute sweetie as a boyfriend. He's very nurturing and just a healthy level of protective, but he also knows that he's not perfect and is willing to listen to you when you need something different from him, or just to vent. He's also endlessly uplifting, always instinctively looking on the bright side of things and eager to open up that sunny perspective to share with you.

- As we all know, the way to Raph's heart is through his stomach. If you're even a little skilled in the kitchen, you've got an easy in to spending time with him whenever you like. If you're not much of a cook, he's happy to be a taste-tester until you've got it figured out. Though it's not like his palette is incredibly refined, so you might not get the most nuanced feedback.

- It is essential that you meet his little sister's approval- it's practically like courting a single father. Her happiness is his utmost priority, so one day when she mentions off hand that she can't wait for you all to spend time together again, he practically starts tearing up and warmth fills his chest. Knowing that you get along with the other most important person in his life just reaffirms his affections for you a thousand fold.

- His idea of a date pretty much always involves food, and with his energetic and warm personality, those kinds of dates are easy to enjoy. If you suggest other ideas though, while he might not be sure it's his "thing" at first, he'll quickly find something to get excited about and invested in. Besides, when he's with you, he has a hard time caring about anything but watching you just be your wonderful self, all with a wide, goofy smile on his face.

Hubert:

- Hubert quietly dotes on you. His love language is absolutely acts of service. This is largely because he finds it so hard to believe- practically disorienting- that you'd want to be with him of all people. As such, he does everything in his power to ensure that you're provided for. You may not even realize the lengths he's willing to go to for some time, as he has a habit of doing helpful or sweet things for you without your knowledge. Maybe it takes a vaguely threatening "chat" with some disrespectful knave who's been trying to get your attention, or perhaps there's a tear in your favorite shirt that he has sent to be repaired without ever mentioning it. Hubert doesn't seek praise- only your happiness.

- that said... He does absolutely melt when you do praise or compliment him. He does his best to appear stoic, but his face turns bright red when you tell him how lucky you are to be with someone so considerate and conscientious. Funnily, when he's riding high on his adoration for you (whatever you would call Hubert's version of feeling warm and fuzzy), not much changes other than that he's less conversational, appearing exceptionally introspective. The truth is just that he can't stop thinking of you and this bizarre feeling you've nurtured in him.

- he will NEVER admit this and will strike fear into the soul of any who would suggest it- but when others give him romantic advice, he does take note. When Edelgard suggests he have flowers sent to you for no particular reason, or Ferdinand recommends he take you riding through the countryside on a particularly lovely day, he does consider them and possibly even follow through.

- listen. The first time Hubert returns to his quarters from a late night "mission" to see you waiting up for him, struggling to stay awake to greet him and make sure he's okay, he's just... A puddle. He holds you so close and so tight, resting his face in your hair without a word. He's simply so overwhelmed that he should ever be so fortunate as to be welcomed home by someone he loves.

NSFW 18+ v

Raphael:

- Raph is a Big Boy and a Strong Boy, and those two facts are never more relevant than when things start getting heated. He's had one or two prior sexual partners (people from his hometown who came onto him- he enjoyed it well enough, but he's WAY more into it after falling for you), so he generally knows what he's doing, but likes a bit of guidance. He worries a lot about hurting you, but also enjoys showing off his strength and stamina for you- so letting you set the pace tends to work best overall.

- He openly loves it when you compliment his muscles and physique, reminding him of just how big and strong he is compared to you and how easily he lifts and positions you. Hearing it from your lips energizes him and makes him more determined than ever to pleasure you and take care of any and all of your needs. He's a bit clumsy about some of the finer operations involved- but honestly, sometimes it's hot enough just to feel his large and powerful fingers spreading you open. It's hard to lament his lack of dexterity when he can so easily fill you and reach your every sensitive spot at once.

- He's really not much one for power-play, or any kind of spicy roleplay. He simply doesn't see the point. Raphael would always rather just tell you openly how amazing and gorgeous you are as you ride his big, thick cock. You're so small even when you're above him, and he can't help wanting to hold you as your stretched out little hole takes him again and again.

- Raphael can resist cumming for a long time for the privilege of getting to fuck as many orgasms out of you as possible. He's got some impressive stamina. He'll lift and reposition you several times, then very carefully ease his huge member back into you, giving you plenty of time to acclimate to him filling you up from a new angle. There's no question that you'll be satisfied by the time he finally cums- but once he's done, he's done. Raphael cums hard, and a good volume, and once he's ridden out his climax, all he wants is to cuddle you on his broad chest and maybe share a snack, then drift off for a nap together.

Hubert:

- I've talked about some general spicy ideas for Hubie before in the past, so definitely check my masterlist for those (I love this miserable bastard so fucking much-). Overall, I see him as a classic, domineering Dom in the bedroom. Hubert needs a certain level of control over everything in his life to feel even a little at-ease, and intimacy is no exception. It won't take long into a relationship with him for it to become clear that he's happiest and most satisfied when you're a good, docile little pet for him.

- It's not extremely obvious at first, but Hubert's body is very sensitive and very touch-shy, simply due to lack of exposure. He's had a few sexual partners, though largely for pragmatic, political purposes, so the experience of being with you and wanting so badly to be truly intimate with you is completely new to him. Add this to the fact that, at his core, he still believes you deserve so much better than he could ever give you in all things, and you've got yourself a complex over-thinker in your bed. This is part of why dominating you is so soothing to him. When you're his personal needy kitten, he can direct you as he pleases, catering your treatment to his comfort level.

- Hubert gets very invested in the finer details of your submission. He takes great care to select a collar custom made for you, and will manage everything from your posture to your line of sight to when you're allowed to cum. He does not suffer brats; misbehaving will result in literal hours of punishment, and you're lucky if it only amounts to spanking. He's much more likely to tie you, or even magically restrain you on his bed completely exposed (or in a shamefully erotic outfit) and tease your clit/head of your cock until tears wet your eyes and you beg him to be allowed to cum.

- That all said, if you're a very, very good pet for him- or if you're someone a bit more shy or anxious in bed, he is capable of being a very soft and caring Dom. This even surprises him, but he can't help brushing a gloved hand to your cheek as you take his cock into your pretty lips, and he murmurs, "That's right, my dearest, just like that. You're doing wonderfully- just a little longer for me and I swear that I'll satisfy you."

[pot-of-terv]

FINALLY! It is here! The conclusion to my PuzzleJune series! Thank you so much for everyone who’s tagged along on this journey and thank you especially to @xauroraxborealisx for arranging this event. It’s been a wild ride for me because this is the first time I’ve ever done something this big so I’m incredibly grateful for everything ;__;

I might continue this story with tiny bits here and there but for the foreseeable future, this is it. Hope you enjoy!! 💗 (Please be sure to read the previous parts first if you’re new here :3)

PuzzleJune 2021, Week Four: Mind (School, Bond)

“Aren’t you hungry, Yuugi?”

The aforementioned boy startles, almost dropping his spoon into his soup. He looks at his grandpa and blinks.

“Uh, yeah, not really. Sorry.”

“Thought so,” Sugoroku nods and drinks his remaining broth straight from the bowl. “Give the rest to me.”

Yuugi blinks at him again, almost owlishly, and lifts his bowl with stiff arms to hand it over to the old man.

Sugoroku doesn’t waste any time and goes for the soup as soon as it’s in front of him. Yuugi smiles at him, amused, and stands up. He gathers up his spoon and glass and brings them to the sink.

“Thanks for the food,” he calls out as he leaves the kitchen. Sugoroku answers him with a grunt, probably already immersed in his crossword now that there’s no one else at the table.

Yuugi walks the stairs to his room slowly, silently thanking his grandfather for not making a fuss about his suddenly disappeared appetite. It’s been a quiet day but he feels tired and he’s kept zoning out. He blames it on the blistering heat of late summer but even to him, it sounds like a lie – the real reason is that he misses Atem.

He doesn’t bother closing the door of his room behind him and goes straight for the bed, falling onto it face first. It’s stupid, I know, he thinks and lifts his head enough to be able to tilt it to the side so he’s not smothered by the plush bedspread. He’ll be back soon.

Jounouchi had come to the house early that morning and asked to borrow Atem. He had reasoned that because school would start again in a week, he wanted to spend at least one day together with just Atem, doing whatever. Atem didn’t have to enrol, after all, so they won’t be able to hang out that much anymore after the classes start.

Yuugi understood him, of course – he will see Atem every day even if there’s a lot of homework, but the others don’t have that privilege. He had even joked that why aren’t their other friends waiting in line to get a turn, too, flustering Atem and making Jounouchi guffaw.

In all honesty, he’s really happy that Jounouchi would take the time to spend a whole day with Atem. They’d been going out as a group a lot after the first week and a half of Atem living (actually living) with Yuugi and while having all of their friends to hang out with is so much fun, Yuugi treasures time spent one-on-one.

It doesn’t change the fact that after being glued to Atem’s side for so long, Yuugi finds himself lost without him. His mind feels like candy floss, fluttery and sticky, and he can’t concentrate. He had tried to go through his deck in order to decide if it’s good enough (he and Atem need their own decks now, after all, so most of it is brand new) but couldn’t get past the first couple of cards. After that hadn't worked, he tried a few different games that he could play by himself but got no enjoyment from them. He’d just been going through the motions and realising that, he had decided to go down to help his grandpa at the shop for the rest of the day.

It’s not healthy to be so attached, he knows, and they really need to work on that – Yuugi is sure that Atem is fine with Jounouchi, but what about when they need to go to school and Atem stays home? He’d like to believe that the pharaoh will be much better off by himself than Yuugi is, but that is doubtful. They’ll have to have yet another talk soon – preferably today.

Yuugi bites his lip and sighs. There really is no coming back from the kind of bond that they’ve shared – through mind, heart and body – and Yuugi doesn’t want to imagine the pain that Atem’s departure to Afterlife would have caused when a simple day spent apart makes him unravel at the seams. Also, this train of thought could bring him to a place he most definitely doesn’t want to go now so to distract himself he turns onto his back and fumbles blindly to his left to grab the book he had left on the bed earlier that day.

- 

The sound of rustling wakes him an undetermined time later. He opens his eyes slowly, groggy enough to feel like he should just go back to sleep, but when he glances at the clock on his desk his stomach flips and he shoots up from the bed – the book he had attempted to read falling on the floor with a bang – and startles Atem who had been digging through a grocery bag.

“Ah! Yuugi!” he yelps and almost falls onto his butt from his crouched position on the other side of the desk. Thankfully he doesn’t send any of his purchases flying as he stabilises himself by quickly planting his other hand on the floor.

“Sorry!” Yuugi apologises quickly, his heart still racing. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep and he most definitely didn’t mean to sleep that late. It’s already seven in the evening, meaning that Yuugi had snoozed away for three hours. But – it also means that Atem is back, as evidenced by the boy currently looking up at him with concern written all over his face.

“I didn’t mean to wake you –” he starts but Yuugi silences him by shaking his head.

“No, I shouldn’t have slept in the first place. Really, I should thank you,” he says and pauses, then just looks at Atem. An unprompted smile makes its way onto his face. “Welcome home.”

There’s wonder in the pharaoh’s eyes and after a moment of silence, he returns the smile with such warmth it can almost be felt. “I’m home,” he replies, and Yuugi smiles wider.

He really is.

-

“Are you sure you’ll be fine?”

“Aibou, please,” Atem laughs and holds Yuugi’s face between his hands, squishing his cheeks. Jounouchi chortles from somewhere behind him and Yuugi frowns in his direction but doesn’t move away from Atem or try to pry his hands off of his face.

“But I worry,” he says, looking rightfully pouty as he shifts his gaze back to his partner. Atem laughs more and releases his face, patting his other cheek before crossing his arms.

“I’ll walk back home, help grandpa open up the shop and then it’s smooth sailing from there. You don’t have to worry,” he smiles at the still pouting teen in front of him. “I’ll be fine, you’ll be fine, and the day’s done sooner than you realise.”

“Yeah, Yuugi,” Jounouchi cuts in with a grin and drapes an arm around Atem’s shoulders. “Atem knows his way around the shop and we’re all here to take care of you. No sweat.”

“Honestly,” Anzu smiles and swiftly elbows Honda in the ribs before he can interrupt her. “We know it’s hard on you both but it’s just like ripping off a bandaid, right? It stings at first but it doesn’t last forever and even before you realise, you’ve forgotten all about it.”

“Y-yeah,” Honda says, rubbing his side, “what they said. We’ll be here, Yuugi.”

Yuugi stares at his friends, feeling his cheeks warming. How in the world did he get so lucky?

“T-thanks,” he mutters but can’t help smiling in the end. “You guys are great.”

“Hell yeah we are!” Jounouchi exclaims and does finger guns at him, his other arm still on Atem’s shoulders. Atem laughs but his eyes are soft when he looks at Yuugi.

“Go on, then. The gates are about to close, aren’t they?”

“Oh, shit!” Honda and Jounouchi yelp at the same time and the latter releases his hold on Atem. He ruffles the spiky-haired head before taking off after his best friend. “Stay crispy!” he shouts over his shoulder at Atem.

Anzu shakes her head, frowning. “These guys are too much. You don’t have to run yet!” she tries yelling after them but the duo is already too far ahead. She sighs but when she turns to Yuugi and tilts her head to the side, her eyes are twinkling.

“I should go after them. I trust you’ll be right behind, okay?”

And she winks. Yuugi flushes pink but before he can say anything, she’s already jogging off. There’s a chuckle next to him and he looks at the pharaoh who seems much too happy.

“That wasn’t fair,” Yuugi grumbles and that only makes Atem laugh harder.

“You’ve got amazing friends,” he says when he’s calmed down. Yuugi bristles at him but the pink on his cheeks takes away from his attempted glare. Just a little bit.

“They’re your friends too!” he reminds him and that makes Atem sober up. His voice is surprisingly quiet when he talks.

“They really are,” he says and smiles in that gentle way he's been doing a lot lately. Yuugi softens at his expression and they take a moment to just look at each other, wondering, smiling. There’s so much to be happy about, they both realise at the same time, and Yuugi takes Atem’s hand.

“I know you’ll be alright. I’m, just, I’m – I’m going to miss you.”

Atem smiles at him and squeezes his hand. “I’ll miss you too, Yuugi.”

It makes Yuugi’s smile widen and he chuckles. Of course he knew it but it feels good to hear it said out loud. He’s sure it’s the same for Atem.

“Well, I guess I should be going. Take care,” he says and without pause, kisses Atem on the cheek. “See you after school!” he grins and with one final squeeze, lets go of Atem’s hand and turns around to run after his friends. His chest is buzzing and he smiles the whole way to the building.

Atem is left standing at the curb, eyes wide, face red. He lifts his hand to touch his cheek and the skin there feels electric, as if that simple touch of lips had awakened a new sense that had been completely dormant until now. That feeling spreads across his skin, reaching the top of his head and the very tips of his toes and it’s so, so warm.

It feels really nice. Atem breaks out into a grin that matches Yuugi’s earlier one and turns around to leave, his hand staying on his cheek. He must look smitten as anything but he doesn’t care. He’s happy, so why not show it to the world?

As soon as he takes the first step, he almost collides with Ryou who had come running around the corner.

“Oh! Sorry, Atem. I overslept!” the white-haired boy exclaims and stops to give a quick pat to Atem’s shoulder. “Have a good day at the shop. I’ll come to visit if I can, after school!”

He grins and waves and dashes through the school gates before Atem can wade through the fluttery mess that is his mind for a greeting. He’s still reeling but Bakura didn't seem to mind his silence so it’s probably alright.

-

The walk back home doesn’t feel lonely in the least. After all, his partner is always with him, even when they’re apart. Hearts are wonderful like that.

And that, if something, is worth smiling for.