#I keep staring at him I feel ill/pos

[izuizzy]

human vox… human vox… human vox…

[agaypanic]

To Love a Monster (Emmett Cullen X Human!Reader)

Kinktober Masterlist | Main Masterlist | Request Something! | AO3

Kinktober Day 31: Monsterfucking

Summary: Emmett never thought that he’d fall in love with a human. It’s too dangerous, there’s so many things that could go wrong. But when you look at him with those pleading eyes of yours, how could he ever say no?

A/N: happy halloween!! i know today’s literally the last day of october but i swear ill get the other kinktober fics done and posted. im finally getting medicated so i think that’ll help with my procrastination/lack of inspiration lmao emmett cums inside but reader does NOT get pregnant with a hybrid freak like bella did

C/W: unprotected p in v sex, interspecies relationship (human and vampire), soft dom!emmett, emmett trying to not literally break you, slight pain kink

***

It was so wrong, being with Emmett. It was dangerous, the amount of power he had over you without even trying. He could kill you, drain you dry without a second thought.

But you didn’t care. You loved him, and he loved you. He made sure that was known by telling you a million times a day and by being extremely gentle with you. Sometimes, he treated you like you were glass, which annoyed you every now and then. But when you were with Emmett, who had extreme strength, you might as well be glass.

Sometimes, Emmett was scared to be with you. He didn’t want to hurt you, and he didn’t want to accidentally lose his resolve around you. But when you looked at him, eyes full of want and wandering hands somehow warming his stone-cold body, he could never refuse you.

“God, you feel so good, babe.” Emmett groaned as he stared up at your naked form bouncing on his cock. Although he liked to be in control, he’d occasionally let you take the lead. If he was feeling generous, he’d even let you tie him up like he was now. 

Emmett thrusted up into you, and your hips stuttered. “So big, Emmett.” You sighed, splaying your hands out on his broad chest to keep yourself steady as you kept riding him. “Makes me feel- ah! So full.”

Your boyfriend kept fucking into you, but it wasn’t enough for him. There was only so much he could do without his hands. 

“Wanna touch you.” He complained, tugging at his restraints half-heartedly, knowing they’d snap if he actually used force.

“Where, Em?” You asked teasingly. One of your warm hands left his chilled chest to grope your breast. “Here?” Or…” Slowly, your hand trailed down your stomach, inching closer to where you and Emmett met. Two fingers ghosted your clit, and you clenched around Emmett’s hard cock at the sensation. “Maybe here?”

While you continued riding and teasing yourself, Emmett’s eyes were glued to you. You looked so damn perfect, he wanted to be the one touching you and making you whine the way you were now. 

Sensing he was getting frustrated, you leaned close to Emmett. “Do you wish you could touch me, honey? Fuck me and tease me until I’m creaming all over your cock?” Emmett let out a moan so guttural it sounded like a growl. You smiled, knowing you were about to get what you were really wanting. “Is that what you want, Emmett?”

He answered by ripping the rope that was holding him to shreds, freeing his wrists so he could finally get his hands on you. Emmett grabbed your hips and flipped you so you were the one underneath him before thrusting in and out of you like a jackhammer.

Emmett half expected you to start yowling in pain from the force of his thrusts and his iron grip. But instead, you let out an endless string of moans and locked your legs around his vast body so he wouldn’t get away. 

“So -ah, so fucking, fuck, good!” You were quickly losing your sense, becoming overwhelmed by Emmett stretching your cunt and practically slamming into your cervix. It just hurt so good.

“You’re so tight.” He hissed, fangs coming out in the midst of his heavy lust. “And so wet for me.” He dipped his head down to rest in the crook of your neck. His lips ghosted over your pulse point, your pumping blood spurring him on. Very lightly, Emmett dragged his pointed teeth over your skin. Not enough to make you bleed, but enough to send a shiver down your spine. “And you smell…” He took a deep breath, sighing as he reluctantly pulled away from you and sped up his thrusts. “Fucking delicious.”

Feeling close, you reached down to rub your clit, but your hand was quickly smacked out of the way. Emmett wanted to be the one to make you come. 

He rubbed your clit in a fast circular motion, his other hand holding your hip with enough force to not end up breaking it. You’d likely have a bruise that he would surely baby you over.

It wasn’t long before your orgasm hit, and Emmett grinned down devilishly at you as your eyes rolled back. “That’s right, babe. Cream all over my cock.” 

You did just as he said, orgasm prolonging as Emmett continued his ministrations to reach his own peak. Soon enough, he was painting your walls with his cum, fucking it deeper and deeper into you. As you both came down from your highs, Emmett slowed his thrusts. But he didn’t stop them. Instead, he decided to keep fucking you at a snail’s pace until you were ready to get absolutely wrecked again.

“That was…” You took a deep breath to collect yourself, letting out an airy laugh. “Wow.”

Emmett smirked, leaning down to kiss you deeply. “If you thought that was good, wait until you become a vampire. We wouldn’t leave my room for a week.”

***

Twilight Taglist: @wedfan2 @natashamaximoff-69 @pink-hufflepuff

Emmett Cullen Taglist: @fuckshitslover

[schizoidcel]

## BOOTHILL x READER ★

🤍 ﹒ HEADCANONS ! ! . .

－ notes ̽ ۪⠀written before his release + gn reader huhu. yall i swear ill get to the lcb requests but im brainrotting too fucking much right now boothill is colonizing my mind so enjoy these thoughts i had and will throw into the tags

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

He's a little spoon and NOBODY can convince me otherwise period.

We know damn well hes touch starved. So ofcourse he'd wanna be nuzzled up inbetween your chest and chin

Will teach you how to ride a horse. He definitely has a favourite (his name is Sebastian 🌚🌚)

Very protective over him though. You will not ride on that horse until you are months into the relationship

He gave you another horse to practice riding on and an extra horse incase the other "knocks your socks off" ... Whatever that means

You named them Yee and Haw and he was so conflicted with his emotions that he considered getting a routine check up on his body

Will tease you if you completely fuck up immediately.

He grabs your hands to gesture on things you should be wary about while being on the back of a horse, knowing it'll mess your brain up and lead you to not pay attention to a single thing coming out of his mouth

On the other hand if you're able to handle it in a short amount of time, he'll start flirting with you

"I'm doing it, Boo!" "Nice work, honeybunch. Think ya can manage ridin' somethin' else?" "Dude"

It's one or the other. You will not escape the Boothill down bad programm

Boothill also acts like a himbo to mess around with you.

On another note, you called him Bootyhill once and he's still shook up. Whether /pos or /neg is up to interpretation

While we're on the topic of nick/pet names, he calls you things you've never heard of before .

Or even if you did, they're things you expected never to be called 😭

What the fuck is a doodlebug Boothill

Type of man to get flustered when you flirt back. He just starts bugging out

Will play it cool though, but the faint blue on his cheeks says otherwise

Also a fan of headpats. No, he's not ashamed. No, he will not tell you.

Expanding on the no shame, Boothill takes it to the extreme

No filter, no mask, no nothing. Touchy EVERYWHERE you go

Even if he can't really feel it, he just feels more at ease when you both are near eachother or touch one another. Man wants to protect his partner, after all

It dosen't matter if you're able to protect yourself, the gesture just makes him feel more comfortable and calm

Also has a hair pulling kink woah. Let's keep it sfw everybody

Forehead kisses ❤️ or just kisses anywhere on his head in general. Kiss behind his ears and he will overheat

He let's you play with his hair<3 It's one of his favourite passtimes with you

Braid it, tie it in a ponytail, give him buns, pigtails, curl them, decorate them with hairpins, clip bows in his strands it don't matter PLAY WITH HIS HAIR ⁉️

He relaxes SO MUCH it's insane. Genuinely just one finger goes into that hair of his and he melts

This plays into the little spoon factor

You'd tease him about it but he takes pride in it 😭

Has a weird obsession with biting. If you complain that it hurts he goes "What, want me to smooch the pain away?" and he does this fuckass face :3 while you're just staring at him dead in the eye (you say yes btw)

If you're ticklish, he's hell for you

Tickles you in the most random times possible.

And you know it's even WORSE with those cold ass metalic hands

You're cuddling? The sides of your torso are not safe. You're currently occupied with an activity involving your hands? Your armpits are not safe either. He's laying on your bare stomache face down? He starts blowing raspberries.

You know damn well he uses the feathers of his hat 😭

Sticks it up your nose to make you sneeze too. Usually to wake you up or some shit

You could have the most volcano eruption alert level 5 sneeze and he'd still say "Aww, ya sneeze like a kitten!"

One last note this man is a whiney loser bottom not sorry

the word ill is in boothill for a reason the way im laying in bed all sweaty ANYway 🌚😵😵😵😵

ૢ་༘࿐ thank you for reading ! Ⳋ᧙

[vxmpyree]

HELLO first if all I LOVE UR WRITING ... UR NIKTO FICS MAKE ME WANNA SCREAM INTO A PILLOW (/very pos)

ive never requested anything ever so im shy n gonna use anon teehee. ANYWAYS ik you said you write for pretty much anyone but i'm still gonna ask: do you write for keegan? if you do..... could i ask for a sick fic?🙏🙏 or any type of fluff rlly. with a male reader :3 (theres barely any for him 💔) THANK YOU FOR UR SERVICE IN THIS FANDOM BTW RAHHHH🫡🫡🫡💖💖‼️‼️‼️‼️

ofc!! i dont know much about cod ghosts so sorry for any errors. thisll be my first plot fic :)) ♡ not beta read,,

[im the devil - clams casino] [0.7k wc]

when keegan returns from deployment, he finds you ill, and not just with a bit of a sniffle and cough. no, he can hear how your lungs shudder with every breath and feel how your skin is hot to the touch.

being his husband isn’t an easy job. he’s always out for one reason or another. you’ll be at home watching a film together, only for his boss to call and say that they need his help. he’s too much of a workaholic and empath to say no, i’m busy. keegan is always worrying about you, always thinking about the slight pout of your lips when he comes out of his bedroom in uniform again. 

so, seeing you like this doesn’t do any good for his anxiety. 

“you’re burning up,” he mutters, pulling a thermometer out of your mouth. 

the curtains are drawn, letting in only traces of sunlight tinted by the lavender linen. more light would only give you a headache. 

he pulls off his gloves before reaching out to touch you, not wanting to touch you with the same cloth that clutches his rifle. his rough palms move to cup your cheeks, swollen from fever and sweat. you can hardly even keep your eyes open.

“did you eat today?”

he grumbles as you shake your head. you must’ve been too sick to get out of bed, only able to helplessly roll over and try to sleep through hunger pangs. at times like this, he wishes he hadn’t chosen an occupation of aiming sniper rifles and long months of waiting in bushes or on tall buildings. then, he’d be able to take care of you. 

“do you want to eat? we’ve got… hm… soup and crackers. or bread,” he presses.

you shake your head again. you don’t want to eat!

keegan sinks into the edge of the bed and furrows his brow, considering you. he has the air conditioner unit on for your feverish top half, and keeps the sheets over your shivering legs. he’s taken your temperature and wiped you down. he gave you some tylenol, which should’ve gone with a cold glass of water, but you gulped it down before he came back with something to drink.

something is missing. there’s more that he could do for you, but he just can’t put his finger on it. 

when he lifts his head to check on you, keegan finds that you’re already staring at him. he has to stifle a smile. you are what makes him feel at home-- your accepting stares, and the slight curl of your lips. it would’ve been impossible not to wish for something more when you’re so welcoming, so warm. 

you motion with one hand for him to come closer. for a moment, he wants to say no, that his face is still covered in grease and he’s clad in heavy armor. but what’s the use in saying no to a face like yours? before he can even start stripping himself of his gear first, he’s already slipping into the sheets.

there’s the low hum of the air conditioner unit and the occasional car rolling down your quiet street. everything seems so small when he’s here with you, tucked away from the world. all he can think of is the smell of your shampoo and the slow rise and fall of your chest.

"...did you just miss me?” he whispers.

you only smile and watch him silently, looking at the bump in his nose and cheeks starting to droop with age. he’s getting older and so are you. it feels like you two only just settled down. the years have slipped through his fingers like sand. maybe it’s time for him to retire. then, he could spend all the time with you in the world.

keegan leans closer to you, and wonders if he smells like gunpowder and sweat. but he waves his worries away in favor of gathering you in his arms. his palm rubs slow circles into your back, wrinkling your old t-shirt. 

you cough into his chest and furrow your fingers into the back of his heavy jacket. your hands claw helplessly like it’ll ameliorate the itch at the back of your throat or your heavy cough. if he could, he’d do away with this sick spell. he can do things most men can’t, from scaling towering buildings to gutting men, but he can’t fix his poor husband’s fever and runny nose.

he pats your back until you settle down, becoming jelly in his arms. 

will he be sick tomorrow? definitely, but he wouldn’t mind spending a day hidden away with his husband, even if the two of you can only lie in bed and kiss each other’s warm faces.

[triptychofvoids]

Autistic medic gives me life ❤❤. Any random hcs for him? /nf /pos

of course! autistic medic is canon to me

ive already talked a bit about him being autistic before so a few of these maybe be things ive already mentioned but ill say them anyway

this is already obvious to everyone already but his special interests are surgery and medicine! anything medical really. hes also very interested in anatomy and pigeons (specifically pigeons. he probably couldnt tell you a lot about parrots for example, but if you want 100 facts about doves then hes your guy). and of course hed have a bunch of other hobbies and interests but those are the big ones

hes more prone to shutdown than he is to meltdown. not that meltdowns would never happen, theyre just more rare. usually a shutdown would come first and on the occasion hes pushed past that then a meltdown would follow, and after a meltdown then hed have a second even worse shutdown. thankfully situations like these are rare

like ive said (and drawn) before his main stims are rocking, hand flapping, echolalia, tensing up and hand wringing, and biting. a few other less obvious/not as common that he has are sparkly/flashy visual stims, he also loves both feeling and seeing anything gorey, he likes petting his birds, certain noises would be very pleasant to him like his doves cooing or coins clinking together and the sounds of the mediguns. hed love the smell of coffee and isopropyl. hed have a few others stims too but theyd be more rare and very situational like hitting himself or toe walking.

hes weird about his gloves and his coat. as in he would put them on for a specific reason but once he gets used to having them on he would absolutely hate taking them off. he has to keep them on for the rest of the day no matter what. and vice versa, if hes not wearing his gloves or coat then he cant just?? randomly put them on?? no no its all or nothing theyre either going on for combat and then staying on for the rest of the day or not at all

hes very excitable and loves to talk and if hes engaged in a conversation or excited about something then his voice will gradually get louder and louder and he'll keep interrupting or talking over people. he wont even notice it until someone points it out to him

you cant take him to the store because hes going to touch everything and then very quickly regret it when hes suddenly overcome with the overwhelming soul crushing need to wash his hands and theres no sink around. its so over :[

bad at left vs right and identifying north, south, east, and west. nothing else to say here, its not that he gets lost easily, he can find his way around just fine its just that hes awful at directions

very strict about his routines and lists. he cannot stand it if he makes plans and they get postponed or canceled. he hates it if he makes a list of things to get and then cant get everything on the list exactly correct. hes actually more than willing to do things on impulse in the moment but only if hes already mentally planned to do that or if it doesnt interfere with something else he has going on

hes very blunt and direct. he says exactly what hes thinking and answers questions very honestly and directly. people often find him to be rude for this but he doesnt get why. speaking of him being seen as rude, he used to get in trouble for always rolling his eyes or talking back to people because for the longest time he didnt realize that trying to stretch your eyes or avoid eye contact or staring could all somehow be considered 'rolling' your eyes. or rude. and talking back... isnt that how a conversation works? hes never been very good at knowing when he is or isnt supposed to reply to statements.

ive said it before but i will say it again. he has little to no empathy. every autistic person is different of course and not all autistics have low empathy, but im tired of low enpathy being seen as a bad trait. im tired of people with low empathy (autistic or otherwise) being seen as evil and uncaring. having low empathy doesnt make you a bad person. he has very low empathy and often struggles to connect with and understand others. he frequently will have the wrong emotion for the situation and may sometimes come off as uncaring when he is not as sad about something as they are, etc etc etc but he is not some horrible evil monster for it and i do not want to see anyone saying that because its just completely incorrect. hope this helps

anyway!!!! theres some autistic medic!!!! i hope you like him as much as i do!!!!

[roohuh]

“Did your bag grow wings?”

Sebastian Sallow x Reader

Summary: Sebastian takes pity on a girl who’s bag has been stollen by bullies.

Warnings: angst kinda, hospital and chronic illness trigger

Word count 1066

Sebastian eyes the girl as she awkwardly tries to scramble up a tree to retrieve a bag caught in the branches. After a few failed attempts she stands hands on her hips staring up at the bag, a forlorn look darkening her brow.

“Did your bag grow wings?” He asks in his most serious voice, scrutinizing the bag. Turning to Sebastian the girl seems to only now notice him.

“Oh just leave me be!” She pleads before bending over to pick up a rock.

“As you wish.” Sebastian chuckles, throwing his hands up, backing away. The girl rolls her eyes, then begins to throw rocks at her bag.

“You will never get it down like that.” Sebastian laughs at her struggling. “Where is your wand?” Whipping her head around the girl catches Sebastian off guard with a tearful face. She looks as if she is going to say something then turns around, running away with all of her might.

“Hey wait up!” Sebastian calls, whipping out his wand, retrieving the bag. The girl does not stop for his call, instead running back to her house. Standing there dumbly Sebastian grasps the bag, feeling the shape of a wand inside.

“Dummy, you need your wand.” Sebastian shakes his head walking in the direction the girl ran. He does not make it far before he hears soft crying coming from the girls bathroom. Wavering before the door, Sebastian tries to decide the correct course of action, knowing he could just give her bag to a house elf and be done with it. They would return it to the rightful owner, however the sound of muffled cries tugs at him.

“Merlin's beard this better not backfire.” Sebastian sighs before pushing open the door and walking in. The crying stops the second the door opens.

“I have your bag.” Sebastian offers, hoping he has not just stumbled across another different unfortunate girl. Sniffles come from the stall furthest from the door.

“Do you want your bag or not?” More silence. As Sebastian turns to leave a small voice comes from the stall.

“Please leave my bag.”

“She speaks!” Sebastian laughs as he gently sets the bag down in front of the stall.

“Thank you.” Her voice is small and shaky.

“Anytime.” As he turns to leave a thought occurs to him. “Who threw your bag in that tree?” There is a long silence then the girl lets out a shaky breath.

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does.” Sebastian’s voice is firm.

“Then I did it.” She shoots back defiantly. Running his finger through chestnut hair Sebastian chuckles.

“You are a strange one.” Then makes his exit.

As Sebastian sits to dinner he watches with satisfaction as the girl's bullies shuffle over to where she sits. Sebastian easily tracked down the cuprates teaching them a lesson they would not soon forget. The group of thrashed malcontents cast fearful looks in Sebastian’s direction while they deliver their apology to the girl. She too keeps sending looks in Sebastian’s direction, and the looks do not stop after the dejected group of miscreants shuffled to their seats. Before Sebastian can finish half of his plate he notices the girl standing excusing herself from the table. Unable to contain his curiosity, Sebastian stands to follow the girl. At his friends sudden movements Ominis gives Sebastian a funny look.

“Going somewhere?”

“The toilet, I need some air.” Sebastian mumbles as he makes his escape ignoring Ominis objection,

“Oh yes, just the place I go for fresh air.” Sebastian follows the girl unnoticed as she leads him all the way up to the infirmary, then sits on a bed expectantly.

“Did those troglodytes hurt you?” Sebastian snaps. She whips her head around, surprised by his sudden appearance.

“I swear I’ll-“ Sebastian’s treats are cut off by a soft giggle from the girl.

“I thought I heard someone behind me.” Sebastian stuffs the floor with a shoe putting his hands in his pockets.

“I… Well, I was worried that maybe they had said something nasty to you. Never can count on a bully to give a good apology.”

“I don’t know what I have done to earn your protection.” She raises an eyebrow to the freckled face before her.

“I just can’t stand to see a pretty girl cry.” Again Sebastian is given an eyebrow. Before the girl can give her retort the nurse walks in. At the sight of Sebastian standing there the nurse pauses giving the girl a funny look, to which she just shrugs in response.

“And how are we feeling today?” The nurse asks, hovering her wand over the girl as a dim green light is emitted from the tip.

“Fine.” She replies dismissively.

“That bad?” Stopping her work the nurse study’s the girl's face. “How many fits did you have?”

“Five.”

“Goodness me child! You know you are supposed to come and see me the second you have more than three.” Thrusting a vile of a sweet smelling potion into the girl's hands the nurse hurries away.

“I’ll be back.” She calls. As she drinks the liquid, a chill causes her whole body to tense.

“Are you alright?” Sebastian’s worried voice brings her eyes back on him.

“That’s a broad question.” She teases.

“I guess it is.” He rubs the back of his head. The sight is so reminiscent of his own sister trying a slew of potions given to her by a nurse who always wore the same worried expression. At the thought Sebastian begins to feel queasy. He sits on the ground.

“Are you alright?” Now it’s the girls turn to look concerned.

“That’s a broad question.” He mocks her tone. Looking down at her hands the girl seems to say more to herself then Sebastian.

“My second year at Hogwarts. I was in an accident. Had to take a year off to recover.” Sebastian stands again feeling guilty, he knew she had not wanted to be followed here and by the way she is sitting now she still does not want him here.

“I’m sorry.” He stammers as he backs toward the door. “I will give you privacy now.” All of his usual suave demeanor gone, he fumbles with the handle.

“Thank you.” She calls after him. “For your help today. With those jerks and my bag. Thank you.” He nods before disappearing out the door. He needs to find Ominis.

[lyxvija]

heard you wanna ramble about our bug bf huh? GO AHEAD!! make it angsty.... here's my suggestion HUEHEUEHUE im feeling evil.

s/o sees him getting touchy with the twins, its just his nature, but they're jealous, they try to get at him, fail miserably. and when they confront each other He's already in a pissy mood after a long day of work, maybe he yells at them, maybe tries to dismiss them, they're not communicating, throwing accusations at each other.

OR MAYBE! he's gone too long and been too busy at work and can't spend much time with his s/o and so they try to discuss it with him but he's too tired and grumpy to hear it.

OR EVEN THIS!!! The twins or someone get into his head, telling him that s/o only wnats him for his money

I CAN THINK OF SO MUCH SJDJDJEJRJRJR

or maybe even get a lil

freaky

iykwim 👀

ramble to us pookie wookie 🤭🫶🏻 /pos /gen /friendly

i think ill go with being the 🪐 anon just future reference 🫶🏻

Okay powerful magic spaceball floating in the universe Anon...

HEAR ME OUT. I already had a similar scenario like that in mind one month ago and PLANNED to write a one-shot about something like that! >: D If it's okay, I´d like to do that one now. <3You get:

Mammon x Gen! Neutral Reader TAGS: Cheating, kinda break-up, ANGST

Mam and Reader have a fight, Mammon makes a horrible mistake and now has to pay the price.

Edit: I went overboard...accidentally wrote half of a one-shot. XD

So this is part one.. hahahahah

Mammon and you were a thing now. Well, for quite some time. You were overjoyed when the King of Greed seemed to get interested in you. It wasn't easy, not gonna lie, but you two managed. Mammon wasn't the easiest to be around, but somehow, you still loved him regardless. Despite what your friends told you, it felt genuine. Like he really meant it and didn't see you as some kind of arm candy or pet to keep just for fun. Your heart told you that, so you simply ignored everyone's remarks.

Mammon was extremely jealous and possessive. There was hardly any moment when you interacted with somebody else, where he didn't feel the need to step in and show the other that you were his. At home (well his home since the mighty king would never spend any second in your shitty apartment so he just took you with him) he often made nasty remarks of how dude A surely had the hots for you or that gal B was just after you to get closer to him. It was absolutely ridiculous! Every time you told him that this was not true, that you only have eyes for him, even if somebody else WOULD have a crush on you. In some way you even felt flattered that a Deadly Sin would be so protective over an unimportant hellborn like you.

But GOSH, one day he even went wild because you talked to the Glam sister. For real?! Yes, Glitz had been frisky, but hell! They are flirty and cocky with everyone! No matter how much you tried to ensure him that you DID NOT have a thing for them and that they were in no way any danger to you and him, Mammon´s jealousy and anger never seemed to fade.

"Yeah? If ya really aint fallin for their jiggly boobs, why did you smile at them and oh bring them some fucking coffee?! And by the way, I SAW HOW YOU LOOKED AT GLAM´S FAT ASS!!"

You stared at him for a second. "Excuse me??"

"YEAH DUH! I KNOW WHAT I SAW AND DONT LIE TO ME, CAUSE I KNOW YOU ENJOYED IT!"

Again, you stared at him in disbelief. "Wtf? First, I smile at them because I am just being nice to them! Second, where the hell am I supposed to look when they ask me which of their butts are bigger? And third-"

"THEY FUCKING ASKED WHAT?!" Mammon screamed in his demonic voice, steam pouring out of his mouth with every breath. He pinned you against the wall. Eight eyes of glowing green bore down onto you.

You should have been afraid, but couldn't help to feel another thing:

You felt offended.

Baring your in comparison way smaller teeth, you hissed at him. "For hell´s sake! Get your shit together Mammon! Fuking belive me when I tell you that nothing happened!" Your sudden outburst seemed to have startled him. Never had you snapped at him like that.

"Why would you even believe I would do such a thing?! Don't you trust me??"

The big Jester fumbled with his words, but managed to grumble under his breath: "How the fuck am I supposed to know.. I mean-"

"How are you supposed to know? Are you serious?? Gosh! Because I tell you every god damn day! Maybe that´s how!"

Now he just stood there, clenching his fists and facing the floor. His expression sour. "I jus´ don't like sharing you with others... okay?"

Your posture softens and you put your hand on one of his lower arms.

"It´s okay. I know you have difficulties with that, Babe. I am sure we can work this out. Okay?" <3

He was quiet for a few seconds but then answered: "Yeah...but could you please talk less to them? You know... it is making me angry."

You inhaled and held your breath, trying to hold back your frustration. It was obvious it wouldn't be easy with him, but you honestly would expect a bit more from an immortal entity than acting like a damn man-child. A Mam-child. Oh dear...

"No, sorry can not do. I work with them. I have to at least talk to them. Besides, you have to learn to trust me. You can't force me to keep away from people only because you want me to. This is not how it works!"

Mammon huffed, gripped your shoulders and drew your face close to his. "Listen, you little brat, I am really trying here! So cut me some slack and get your cute little ass off and away from them." His voice was low and threatening. This was in no way a suggestion. This was a demand.

"No." you said firmly and looked him deep in the eyes.

"No?" he repeated. Sparks danced around his features. Mammon tried to intimidate you just like he did with all of his employees and servants. But you were no servant. While the tone and his looming presence made your heart race and your knees weak, you still refused to give it. While it was true that you were just a measly hellborn in comparison to a mighty entity like him, but last time you checked you were his lover. His little gold nugget.

"I said no! You cannot tell me what to do and who to stay away from...just like I could never tell you to stay off the Glam sisters. I saw how they try to get in the sheets with you! But do I make a fuss about it? No!"

Mammon started to laugh. "Ya think I can´t tell you what to do? Pleeeaaase. I am your boss AND your king! If I tell you to get me some coffee, you bring me some coffee, If I tell you to hold my golden staff while I take a shit, you better do so and if I tell you to not get anywhere near those slutty cunts, you better do!"

He painfully clenched your cheeks between his thumb and index finger. You stared at him wide-eyed, trying to pry his hand off you.

"Did I make myself clear or do I have to repeat?"

It was the first time you had ever felt afraid of him. With his smirk twisted into a sadistic grin and his green glowing eyes staring down at you, there was no trace of your sweet boyfriend. The intensity of his glare was too much for you to handle

With panic growing inside your chest, you yelled at him. "Let me go! NOW!"

"As you wish." Mammon released you at once, making you fall down to the floor.

You rubbed your behind and looked up at him. Tears started to well in your eyes. His words and the way he treated you, shocked you.

Mammon huffed offended and frowned. "Tsk! Come on! Now that didn't hurt."

"You... You can't treat me like this! You are my boyfriend, remember? You can´t treat me like some sort of...like.." you stuttered, holding back your tears. What hurt the most the disinterested look he gave you. How he dismissed your feelings. Somehow it scared you even more that he didn't even give a shit of the effect he had on you right now.

"Now listen here, cunt! I can do whatever I want and with whoever I want! What do you think? That you have some kind of power over me? is that what you´re thinking? Is that what gets you off?? Hah! is that why you spend your fucking breaks with these other vermin instead of coming to my office? Oh yeah! You must feel so fucking powerful making ol´ Mammon pissed-"

"THAT IS NOT TRUE! THAT IS NOT TRUE!" You shouted, tears still streaming down your cheeks. You were disturbed of the absolute paranoia, the things he told himself, the way he thought about you. It was like someone put a knife in your heart and stirred it.

"LIKE I GIVE A BLOODY SHIT OF WHAT YOU THINK!! YOU THINK YOU CAN DO ANYTHING NOW, DONTCHA?! THAT YOU ARE BETTER THAN ME? THAT YOU CAN DO WITH ME WHATEVER YA WANT JUST BECAUSE WE SHARE A BED AND YOU SUCK MY DICK?? BUT GUESS WHAT! I CAN DO WHAT I WANT AND YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT SHOULD BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU GOT!!"

Your heart almost stopped hearing insult after insult. He was out of his mind. You couldn't even comprehend what he was saying. What is happening here?! How did things escalate so quickly??

"Okay... I am going home.. and you.. you.. calm down." You tried so hard to sound steady but failed miserably. Your sobbing kept on interrupting. "W-We talk.. tomorrow."

With that, you turned around and left. You didn't even try to hide your pathetic crying.

[ein-schnee-sturm]

“Nice voice!” Pyrrha and Weiss

Much like any other muscle, a voice had to be rigorously trained and fastidiously maintained, if one wanted to keep it in perfect condition. Thanks to his upbringing, Weiss had learned that very quickly, and internalized it (along with many less savory things) even faster; pain was the best teacher, after all. Beyond tolerating his meager chest, which almost made binding irrelevant aside from days when the dysphoria was particularly bad, the exactly two things he liked about himself were his hair and his voice. Both were taken care of just as reverently as Myrtenaster, and maintained as precisely as his physical training.

It meant his beloved instrument was always well rested and in tune; warm-ups were done thoroughly but also quickly. Unaware that he had an audience, the Solitas Fox Faunus had easily lost himself in the music and the gorgeous acoustics of Beacon Academy’s music room. (It really was a shame that the auditorium was ill-suited to his needs.) His supposed solitude led him to choose the lyrics to a new song he was in the process of writing, and in doing so, exposed more of his soul to Pyrrha than he had ever meant to show anyone — at least, not without the preamble of why his family was so fucked up.

Of course, as with just about anything else he did, it was a performance. “Mirror? Can you hear me?" The white-haired teen took a deep breath. "Do I reach you?" Weiss straightened his back. "Are you even listening?" He frowned. "Can I get through...?" A small pause, then, "There’s a part of me that’s desperate for changes… tired of being treated like a pawn..." Weiss' shoulders slumped. "But there’s a part of me that stares back, from inside the mirror... part of me that’s scared I might be wrong -- that I can’t be strong..." His voice was hauntingly beautiful as it rose, only exactly as loud as it needed to be. Trained to be the best, he knew how to achieve the sound of yelling without the volume.

“I’ve been afraid, never standing on my own... I let you be the keeper of my pride…" Clearly still feeling down, shoulders still a bit slumped, he walked a bit closer to the front of the classroom. "Believed you when you told me I was nothing on my own..." Suddenly, his shoulders came up, straightening as he looked to where an audience would have been — unaware that someone was standing in the back of the room behind him. Theatrical or real, he was trembling. "Listen when I say, I swear it here today, I will not surrender — this life. Is. Mine!" But even knowing how to work his lungs and his voice, the half-blind teen was still breathing a bit harder than normal.

"Amazing how you conquered me, chained me in servility, and made me see — " a hand was brought up to his chest, and then flung outward, illustrating as he sang " — the world the way you told me to. But I was young, and didn’t have a way to know the truth! Born to live your legacy! Existing just to fill your needs! A casualty — " Weiss glowered at where balcony seats would have been, jaw clenched just a tad, " — of this so-called "family" that you have turned into a travesty!" The fox's control slipped just a tad, but he buried the snarl quickly. Still, his eyes — even the blind, milky left — blazed with unseen but easily heard determination.

"But I don’t intend to suffer any longer! Here’s where you dominion falls apart!" He rested a hand over his heart, both he and the appendage trembling slightly with emotion. "I’m shattering the Mirror that kept me split in pieces — that stood between my mind and my heart! This is where I’ll start!" The hand over his heart fisted for a moment, before opening and being flung out toward the imagined audience the way his opposite one had been moments before. Weiss' voice reached the crescendo, everything finally culminating in this final declaration. "I’m not your pet! Not another thing you own! I was not born guilty of your crimes! Your riches and your influence can’t hold me anymore! I won’t be possessed, burdened by your royal test!

"I will not surrender!

"This life!

"Is!

"Mine!"

As the last note faded out, amidst his deep and rhythmic breathing, Weiss finally realized he wasn’t alone. Turning around so quickly he nearly whipped himself in the face with his ponytail, mismatched eyes met emerald green for a moment, before his gaze shifted upward to her circlet. “How — ” Blushing as brightly as fire dust, the (much) shorter student broke off, momentarily at a loss for words. Berating himself for not having noticed Pyrrha — as a good friend, he should have smelled her — the SDC’s Heir collected himself as best he could. “…How much of that did you hear?” he managed, eventually, self-consciously swaying from side to side.

A discomforted stim, but not a distressed one.

(He couldn’t address the compliment, just then.)

@onlyheartaches

[kpopsfic]

oblivious ꩜ eric sohn

pairing: eric sohn x gender neutral reader

genre: high school au, best friends to lovers, fluff, angst

warnings: cursing, a kind of dumb and very oblivious reader, cheating (idk if this is a warning but oh well lol), hyunjae is depicted as a pos

word count: 2.3k

written by: tiff

description: you’re constantly dating people who don’t treat you well and eric is always by your side, even if you’re a dumbass.

a/n: i wrote this sooo long ago and i apologize if there’s any inaccuracies or plot holes. i just wanted to post something about eric since deobis have been missing him a lot lately. hope you enjoy!

i.

You always considered yourself fortunate to have Eric Sohn in your life. From the moment the two of you were born, you were pretty much inseparable. He had been there for you through everything that had ever happened to you in life, and you were there for him the same way.

From the first day of kindergarten to the awkward puberty phase of middle school up until now, where you were about to graduate high school and were finalizing what colleges you wanted to attend in the fall. You were always so grateful for him, especially in the times you needed him.

Especially now as you shakily dialed his number, holding your phone up to your ear and covering your mouth in an attempt to stifle the sob that threatened to slip past your lips. However, the moment you heard his voice sleepily mutter a quiet “what’s up?” guilt weighed down your entire body.

“Did i wake you?” you asked, trying your absolute hardest to keep your voice even. but, he knew you better than anyone on the planet, and instantly knew something was wrong.

“Y/N, talk to me, tell me what’s wrong,” his voice was laden with concern, “and don’t try to tell me nothing because I know you’d be lying.”

You chuckled, ironically, sniffling a bit as you finally said, “I think Hyunjae cheated on me.”

A heavy silence filled the other end of the line. You knew Eric had ill feelings toward him the moment you introduced the two, but you stayed with him despite all of Eric’s warnings. You wouldn’t be surprised if your best friend immediately started in on the “I told you so” and “you should have listened to me,” but instead, he abruptly ended the call. you instantly started texting him.

𝗬𝗢𝗨: eric for the love of god please don’t go to his house

𝗬𝗢𝗨: if you do i will never forgive you

𝗬𝗢𝗨: i mean it

Despite all of your texting, he never replied to any of your messages. You sighed in defeat, flopping back onto your bed with fresh tears streaming down your face. You couldn’t help but stare at the video of your boyfriend - if you could even call him that at this point - kissing someone who was definitely not you.

How could you be so stupid? How could you not listen to the one person you trusted the most in this world? If you had, you wouldn’t be in the position you are now. You wouldn’t be feeling so heartbroken. You couldn’t help but text Eric again in hopes he would reply to you soon.

𝗬𝗢𝗨: i’m sorry for not listening to you

𝗬𝗢𝗨: i knew there was a chance of this happening and still got into a relationship with him anyway

𝗬𝗢𝗨: and then woke you up only to more than likely annoy you

𝗬𝗢𝗨: just…. please don’t bring harm to him, i’m afraid he’ll do something worse to you too.

You tossed your phone to the side, covering your face with your hands and letting a quiet, muffled sob rumble in your chest. You were too absorbed in your own thoughts to even hear the loud footsteps in the hallway or your door barging open. You only took notice when a weight was sinking down on the other side of your bed and a pair of arms were pulling you into their chest.

“What are you crying for, dummy?” upon hearing his voice in your ear, your practically melted into him, your tears soaking into the fabric on his shoulder.

He pulled you closer, squeezing your frame tightly against his own with a sad sigh. He hated seeing you like this, especially over a boy who didn’t give you the time of day to begin with. He just wished you weren’t so oblivious about what he felt for you.

Oblivious to how he could treat you so much better.

Finally, you pulled away and look up at him, wiping underneath of your eyes with a quiet sniffle, “I can’t talk about it here, I don’t want my parents to hear.”

“Let’s go out for a drive then,” Eric stated.

“Dude, it’s 11:00 on a school night, there’s no way they will let me leave,” you replied, half-heartedly gesturing to your desk, “besides, I have work I have to do.”

“Y/N.”

“What?”

“Do you really think you’re gonna do your homework in the state you’re in right now? Because I don’t,” he countered, his eyebrow raised slightly as if to question you.

You shrugged at his words, “even if you’re right, my parents still won’t let me leave.”

Eric clapped his hand onto your shoulder, a sly grin stretching across his thin lips, “that’s why we sneak out, idiot. When I came in I told them I was bringing you a textbook you left at my house. When I leave, just climb out your window and meet me at my car.”

He didn’t really give you much of a chance to answer before he was practically vaulting himself off of his bed and out of your room, closing the door tightly behind him. You sighed, shaking your head.

If you got caught, he was taking the blame.

ii.

Once you were finally far enough away from your house to stop worrying, you relaxed into the passenger seat of Eric’s car and willed yourself not to start full blown crying again. He was the first to break the silence.

“How did you find out?”

You stared down at your lap, messing with a loose string at the end of one of your hoodie sleeves, “he went to a party with Kevin and Sangyeon. Apparently Chanhee as there too because he was the one who sent me the video.”

Eric’s grip on the steering wheel tightened and you could visibly see his jaw clench at your words, “they had the audacity to send you a video of it?”

You nodded, “at the end Hyunjae realized what was happened and practically begged Chanhee to turn off the camera. He said something along the lines of if I found out, I wasn’t going to let him live it down.”

After that, you continued to rant, allowing everything to be said into the open and lift the weight off your shoulders. Throughout all of it, Eric kept his eyes on the road but his ears open, listening to everything you had to say. He wanted you to feel like your feelings mattered and that he would always be by your side, no matter what.

Because he always would be, even if it broke his heart.

iii.

Despite the breakdown you had over Hyunjae, you still decided to give him a second chance. You talked with him and told him the next time anything of the sort happened, the two of you were done for good. Needless to say, Eric was more than pissed.

The moment he saw you walking hand in hand with the same man that cheated on you in the hallway, he saw red. You had only caught a glimpse of your best friend before he was storming out of the double doors, leaving school entirely.

Once fully settled in his car, he hit his hands roughly against the steering wheel, frustrated tears gliding down his face almost effortlessly at this point. When were you going to learn that you deserved better? When were you going to learn that when someone cheats once, they almost always do it again? When were you going to actually give a damn about yourself?

When were you going to acknowledge him?

As if on a queue, his phone chimed to several messages from you, ones of which expressed your concern as to why he was leaving school.

𝗬𝗢𝗨: are you okay?

𝗬𝗢𝗨: do you feel sick?

𝗬𝗢𝗨: do you want me to come with you?

𝗘𝗥𝗜𝗖: i’m fine. just didn’t feel up to being here today.

𝗬𝗢𝗨: do you want company?

𝗘𝗥𝗜𝗖: no, it’s okay. i just need to clear my head. besides, you have a test today.

𝗬𝗢𝗨: okay… be safe wherever you go today.

𝗘𝗥𝗜𝗖: i will.

𝗘𝗥𝗜𝗖: y/n?

𝗬𝗢𝗨: what?

𝗘𝗥𝗜𝗖: keep your guards up this time. i know for a fact he won’t hesitate to hurt you again.

iv.

You really wished that Eric’s advice would stop being right.

Here you were, once again, feeling your heart shatter into a million pieces. All because Lee Hyunjae didn’t know how to keep his hands to himself when he was around other people that weren’t you.

After receiving a plethora of unledgible texts from you, he was able to only make out that you needed to skip school and wanted him to come with you. He didn’t mind the skipping, really, because he hated school anyway so it was never an issue.

However, what he didn’t expect was to find you stumbling out of the bathroom with tear stained cheeks a puffy eyes. He didn’t even need to hear you say what happened before he already knew your current state was because of Hyunjae. Sighing, he grabbed your arm and practically drug you out to his car.

Once the both of you were inside, he began driving out to the spot you always went to whenever you wanted to skip class because you knew nobody would ever find you there; the creek.

The drive there was painfully silently, the car only filled with your cries and sniffles every once in a while. You could sense that Eric was fuming next to you, and you didn’t dare speak until he asked you to explain what happened this time. Within minutes you were parked in your spot, sitting at the edge of the creek with your legs drawn up to your chest. Eric studied you for a moment before he finally decided to start talking.

“Why do you always settle for the people who you know will find some way to break you?” his tone was slightly bitter as he spoke, “why do you always settle for scum?”

You were taken aback by his questions, “I- what? since when has anyone other than Hyunjae been scum? Please, enlighten me, Eric.”

“Hmm let’s see… Juyeon put you down every chance he could get, Younghoon never cared about your opinion or what you had to say, and Hyunjae cheated on you, and with every single one I told you they were gonna treat you horribly. Do I really need to continue?” he didn’t hesitate to spit out a list to you, and you felt anger beginning to bubble up in your stomach.

“Since when do you get to decide who I should and shouldn’t date?” you fired back.

“I never said that, Y/N, but I told you before all three of those relationships that you should seriously take into account how their last ones ended. I was right about them all, especially Hyunjae, and you still went back to him anyway.”

You scoffed, staring out ahead of you, “I cannot believe you just said that to me. As a best friend you’re supposed to comfort me now and tell me later that I was an idiot and needed to do better.”

Eric rose to his feet, and started to pace back and fourth along the bank of the creek. He was fuming, and you knew it. You followed suit, standing up to start walking in the opposite direction of him before his words stopped you.

“I just want to know why you gave him a second chance after he broke you so badly the first time.”

You sighed, “I don’t know, Eric. I guess I just enjoy the feeling of someone loving me even if it’s twisted.”

“You deserve someone who truly loves you.”

You laughed sadly, stating, “well in case you haven’t noticed, nobody in my life seems to love me like that.”

Something within Eric seemed to snap, and the next thing you knew, his voice was echoing throughout the woods surrounding the creek, “I do!”

“What?” the tone of surprise was evident in your voice, “Eric, what are y-“

“I love you, okay? I have loved you from the beginning of our high school career all the way up until now. I have loved you even when you were at the lowest points in your life. I’ve loved you even when you were dating those shitty people,” he yelled, “and it has broken my fucking heart every time I have to see you get walked all over and every time you’re completely oblivious to me.”

He began to walk closer to you, standing only a few feet away from you now, his chest heaving and pain dancing effortlessly in his eyes, “I love you, Y/N, why can’t you see that?”

A small silence fell between the two of you before you quietly said, “I’ve been oblivious to you because I’m afraid of losing the one person I have ever truly cared about on this earth. If we were to ever date and break up, I really don’t think I could handle it.”

“You’re not gonna lose me,” eric’s voice cracked, but you could tell how genuine his words were, “even if you don’t feel the same, I’m content with loving you without it being returned. At least this way I can still have you in my life.”

Without any hesitation, you closed the distance between the two of you and pressed your lips against his own, taking the taller boy by surprise before he finally melted into you, his hands cupping your face gently. You pulled away, looking into his eyes before saying, “a part of me has loved you this whole time too, I’ve just been too afraid to admit to myself, let alone you.”

Eric only kissed you again, this time with the reassurance that you would never lose him, that he would never treat you the way any of the other people did. Somehow, you knew everything was going to be okay.

It always was when you were with him.

[xtrafluffyteddy]

OKAY I KNOW YOU’RE GETTING TIRED OF ME, I WAS THE ONE WHO REQUESTED THAT BILLY X STEVE X EDDIE X CURSED! READER (but I just changed my name)

I was wondering, if you could do a Steve x Eddie x fem!reader where she’s like eleven and she’s remote-traveling.

SO, HERES WHAT I HAD IN MIND.

The reader is in a big pool of water and she’s in the void, trying to find Vecna and she’s struggling to fight against him.

But the reader heart stops beating for a moment, LONGER than a moment and Steve and Eddie think she died.

I JUST LOVE WHEN YOU WRITE, THIS WAS JUST A THOUGHT THOUGH AND I KNOW THIS IS HORRIBLE.

(Also can the reader’s hair be shaved? :] that’s if you want!)

Never ever feel bad about having ideas chicken noodle I love your ideas and this one is the bomb dot com

Pairing: steddie x reader

Mentions: violence, temporary death, happy ending.

You had just escaped from the lab a second time and knew you had to protect the kids as well as your boyfriend from the newest enemy Vecna. You had gotten glimpses of him in past traveling but now you’d be fighting him to save your friends and your family.

“You don’t have to do this!” Steve pleads “we can handle it” he takes your hands his shaking as the kids prepare the salt bath “not in the way it needs to be handled Stevie I won’t have you or Eddie or one of the kids die not to Vecna not in the upside down” you press a soft kiss to his lips caressing his cheeks “just trust me” you look at Eddie who was worrying his lip “I’ll be okay I’m stronger than you think” you gently kiss Eddie as well as they help you into the salt bath.

“We’ll be right here right beside you” Eddie reassures as they help you lay down slipping your blindfold on “I’ll be okay” you reassure them as you close your eyes and sink into the upside down. Eddie gently pets your shaved head missing your old hair but finding this new style kind of cool while Steve squeezes your hand a worried look on his face.

“VECNA” you call out from the darkness bare feet splashing on the water “PETER!” You call again “HENRY I know your here!” You yell voice echoing over the vast emptiness.

Suddenly your in Vecnas hellscape staring at the broken remnants of the creel house and the destroyed bodies of your old friends “COME FACE ME YOU COWARD” you yell as you see him coming towards you in the distance

You use your powers to lift him into the air the familiar coppery smell filling up your senses as your nose starts bleeding “ILL KILL YOU” you scream as you throw him hard against the floating remains of his house.

In the outer world your body begins to shake in the tub causing Eddie and Steve to look at each other with worry before the take your hands pleading for you to keep fighting and that your stronger than he is.

Faintly you can hear your boyfriends voices echoing in your mind as your pinned against a pillar vines wrapping around your neck and arms “you bitch about everyone doing the same day to day henry” you choke out glaring as comes closer “but your just the fucking same” you exhaust your powers moving you both in your turf the void where you hoped you had the upper hand.

“Cmon henry” you growl as you charge at him using your powers to slam him to the ground “your nothin but a coward, a bully” you taunt angering him more as gets up “you think your powerful because you “rule” the upside down news flash Henry your just another fuckin puppet” you spit out blood as you grow weak your powers becoming weaker every time he attacks.

“She’s not breathing!” Eddie cries as he shakes you in the tub “fuck fuck we can’t take her out yet he’ll kill her if we do!” Steve shouts as he tries to keep Eddie from pulling you out “hell kill her if we don’t!” Eddie screams as pulls you out of the bath laying you on the cold floor of the gym “breathe damn it” Steve pushes him out of the way as he begins doing chest compressions .

“I won’t let you hurt my friends” you growl weakly taking a deep breath as you use your happy memories to strengthen what little power you have left screaming in agony as you watch him disappeared into flake and particles, before you collapse into a heap on the void floor.

“Stay with us!” Eddie pleads as tears roll down his cheeks “stay with us!” Steve repeats as he continues doing chest compressions feeling hopelessness seep into his bones “the gates are closing she did it!” Dustin screams over the walkie talkie cheering being heard in the background.

“Eddie-“ you call out weakly from the void as your vision becomes fuzzy around the edges “Steve” you begin crawling towards them and your physical body collapsing every once a while from the pain you can hear them crying and pleading for you to come back.

Eddie lays his head on your chest as Steve stops doing chest compressions both of them sobbing thinking they you were gone for good. Suddenly you gasp eyes flying open as you catch your breath only eye milky white “what’re you two cryin about” you joke raspily reaching up with a weak hand to wipe their tears “told you i won’t let him get me” you wince as they both pull you into a tight hug “we did it-“ they say in unison “it’s over you defeated Vecna” Steve presses a tender kiss to your lips followed by Eddie “your a hero” Eddie sniffs kissing your cheek over and over “our hero” Steve finishes both of them clinging to you even after the kids arrive.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

One of Jake’s rescues becoming ill, but managing to keep their condition to themself by mostly sticking to their room. Until their fever spikes, and half the safehouse witnesses them collapse when on their way to the kitchen for water.

CW: Sickfic, feverish whumpee, sick whumpee, memory loss, BBU, past pet whump referenced, caretaker and whumpee

This is for @vickytokio who has been so patient in waiting for this moment.

-

There is a hand at his elbow, and he shakes it off, shifting to press his back to the wall. It's cool, cold enough to make him shiver, and his shirt sticks to the sweat on his lower back as he tips his head back.

"Eli?" Antoni leans over him, eyebrows furrowed in a slight, soft concern.

Better him than anyone else, Eli thinks.

"I'm fine," Eli says, voice low. The music of his natural singsong, the softest hint of an accent from the mystery of his birth, is buried beneath a hoarse, husky overlay. His throat aches, stabbing sharp pains with every swallow, making him wince. "Just thirsty."

Antoni’s lips thin, and there’s a tension to him. Eli’s eyes roam slowly over the lines of his shoulder beneath the heavy sweater he wears, linger on the single ancient round scar on one side of his neck. “You are sick,” He says, softly. “I know sick.”

“Oh, do you.” Eli pushes himself to his feet, using the wall for balance, and when Antoni wordlessly offers a hand he pulls away from it, moving further down the hall towards the kitchen.

He wishes he didn’t have to shuffle not to feel like he’ll fall over. It doesn’t help him seem as fine as he’d like.

“You should… you should rest,” Antoni says, a little helplessly, as he shadows Eli down the hallway. Eli sets his jaw and ignores him. The rough touch of the hallway along his fingertips hurts. His skin feels stretched over empty air inside him, and he shivers at something like a breeze.

“I want a drink of water,” He says. He can’t keep his voice low enough to disguise the roughness of it. There’s a pressure above and beneath his eyes, throbbing as it pushes against the bone beneath. He has to squint against the ache of the light. “I’ll lay down after that, An-... Antoni.”

“Please,” Antoni says, and there’s something tentative and nearly tremulous in his own voice. “Pozhaluysta, Eli, let me help you.”

Eli pauses, and the corner of his mouth twitches, the faintest, faded hint of a smile. “Mne ne nuzhna tvoya pomoshch', Antoni.”

He risks the dizziness to turn, just so he can see the look of shock on the other man’s face. “You-... you-... ty govorish' po-russki?”

“Da.” Eli laughs, raspy and barely-there, and wanders into the kitchen. It feels like it’s taken weeks, months, ages just to walk from his room in the back into here. Sunlight streams in from outside, and he shudders against the stabbing pain of a memory of a warmer sun in a hotter place, of a different kind of hand pressed to his forehead. A whisper of a woman’s voice, Asahaay bachcha. Ab so jao, Jairaj.

Her eyes and skin and hair were all so dark, blocking out the hated, hurtful sun when he burned, warm as a blanket when he froze. Warm hands on cold skin, cool palm to sweating forehead or the back of his neck.

He tries to forget it as quickly as he can, to let her voice slip back and away. He can’t take the migraine that comes with memories, on top of all his other hurts. The bones of his very thighs ache as he makes his shuffling way to the fridge, opening it up.

“Since-... since when do you-”

“My master,” Eli says, pulling out a bottle of vaguely-gray-blue Gatorade, twisting off the top and drinking the cool, sweet liquid until it runs out of either side of his mouth. “Loved opera. We went to the Bolshoi at least once a year, the two of us. He had friends who were Russian. I learned to pass the time. There was…” He hesitates, staring at the Gatorade. Somehow, half of it is already gone. “There was so much time.”

Antoni is quiet, but he moves to the side, setting the kettle on the stove full of water to boil, pulling down two mugs. Eli watches him with hazy eyes as he opens two different boxes of tea, the elaichithat Eli prefers, heavy and sweet with cardamom and ginger, his own strong black tea. “The day gets away from you,” Antoni says without looking at him.

Eli considers escaping back to his room from this… this moment that comes between them, uncomfortable intimacy.

Instead, he turns and leans against the fridge, lets the cold of it soothe the burn of his skin right through his shirt. “There are too many days,” He says, wiping at his mouth, looking down to find drips of Gatorade soaked into his shirt. Oh, well. It can join the sweat, can’t it? “Especially after my bonded was gone-... after I came back to my master. What else did I have to do, but learn while locked into my master’s bedroom?”

“Your bonded must miss you,” Antoni says, quietly. He stays on the other side of the room the span of the table and chairs between them, and Eli could cry with gratitude at the air Antoni gives him to breathe, so unlike the suffocating concern of therapists and doctors and Jakob Stanton.

“I assume he is dead,” Eli says, voice flat. “We don’t live long, away from each other. Everyone knows that.”

“But you are here,” Antoni counters, voice gentle. “You are still here, Eli.”

Eli raises his chin, jaw set, dark eyes flashing beneath the fog of his fever. “I am stronger than others.”

“Stronger than your bonded?”

His heart flutters, deep down, beneath the solid breastplate of bone where it is carefully shielded. He can withstand the blows.

“He was never the same kind of strong as I. Why are you making me tea?”

Antoni doesn’t answer at first, turning away to pull down honey in a little plastic jar shaped like a bear, tipping it upside down to add the cloying syrup first to Eli’s mug, then his own. Without looking back, he says quietly, “How else will you allow me to show you that we care if you are ill?”

“I don’t get sick,” Eli says, but he knows his appearance - pale, clammy, with the deep circles beneath his eyes - gives away his lie. “Good pets don’t-”

“We are neither of us very good pets,” Antoni says, and he smiles over his shoulder. Eli can’t help but return it, somehow.

He must be sicker than he thought.

“This is true. But I have always kept to myself, Antoni. I do not intend to stop now-”

“What was your bonded’s name?”

Eli stiffens all over again. “Why do you want to know?”

“Because… because…” The water in the kettle is starting to make a soft sound, as bubbles form on the bottom and break the surface. Not quite boiling, but close. “Because I think everyone should be remembered, this is all. I think we all of us deserve our names, and to be thought of.”

“I never stop thinking about him.” Eli looks down at his fingernails, still carefully filed and trimmed and cared for. “They don’t know what they’ve done to us, when they make us bonded. That it doesn’t stop, that you can’t turn it off. They don’t know what they’ve done-”

“Yes, they do.” The whistle of the kettle starts up, soft as a song, and Antoni pulls it off the stove immediately, pouring the steaming clear water into the mugs, one by one. There’s a silence, as he does it, the strong smell of cardamom rising in the air almost immediately. “They know exactly what they have done.”

“Yes.” Eli sighs heavily, and finally allows himself to sit at a chair at the kitchen table. His legs are nearly weak with relief, and he finds himself resting his forehead on his arms, slumped. Some part of him screams to straighten his posture, keep his chin up, smile warmly when he’s looked at, be seen and not heard, no one cares about his thoughts, recite the words he’s learning in his mind while they talk around and over him. After all, he’s just there to decorate.

Just there to be his master’s exotic trophy, as lifeless as the head of a lion on the wall.

But he’s not there any longer.

“I found him once, I was able-... able to send a package. But then he was gone again, the house was empty. I don’t know where he went. If he hurts as much as I do at not having each other… maybe he is dead.”

“I am sorry,” Antoni says, softly.

“Ne izvinyaysya.”

“‘Do not be sorry,’” Antoni echoes, opening the fridge. “I could hardly understand that one.”

“Well, I am sick, aren’t I? You can’t blame me for screwing up the emphasis.”

Antoni laughs. There’s an odd warmth in Eli at the sound. “That is fair.”

“In any case… Nine,” Eli says, muffled by the dark soothing prison of his own arms. “His name is-... it was Nine.”

There’s a thunk, the gurgle of liquid pouring out, and Eli looks up from his arms to see Antoni staring at him as milk pours onto the kitchen floor from the half-gallon tipped onto his side at his feet. “Did you say Nine?”

“My master never gave him a name,” Eli says, confused. He stumbles to his feet to grab at a towel, which seems to break Antoni from his strange trance, as he jerks back into motion and picks up the milk, splashing it into the cups before stashing it back in the fridge, nearly empty now.

He drops to a crouch to help Eli clean up the spreading pale liquid, shaking his head. “Eli-”

“I think I did not smile, after we were found,” Eli says, looking at the soaked-through towel, a pale cream with blue stripes. It’s spotted with old stains that never came out in the wash. His master would demand the towel be replaced when the first stain stuck, but here everything is kept until it is threadbare. “What did I have to smile about? Do you see?”

“I-”

“What will I ever have to smile about again?” Eli chuckles, then winces as his throat punishes him for even a hint of cynical, unhappy humor. “This is more than you have heard me speak ever before, I guess. He does that to me. Thinking about-... he could always get me talking when nothing else could. Even if he’s gone… even if he’s gone, he’s still here.”

Antoni is quiet, and then shifts to his feet. He drops a damp towel into the sink. “Eli, he is not gone.”

“No, I know. Memory is-”

“He was good with devices,” Antoni says, suddenly. “Was he not? Good at looking at a phone, a computer, and knowing how it would work inside? Good at knowing how to use them?”

“What? No, we were never allowed to touch anything like that.” Eli pauses. His brain feels too full of fog and his eyes ache too much to fully understand what Antoni is saying. The smell of cardamom is stronger, and it seeps into his mind, brings back to his thoughts the shadowy woman, the scent of her own teas steeping, the steaming samosas on the table, the way she would bring home mangos when he was sad without him having to ask, piling them high and watching as he demolished them-

The pain rises, and he puts his hands over his face, trying to force her back down again, but she doesn’t want to go. Her lips thinned with disappointment, her soft subtle proud smile when she didn’t think he would see it. She loved him in the things she did, not the things she said.

He has a sense of them both covered in color, vibrant as paint, a small boy in a woman’s arms.

His master never wanted him to wear colors at all.

His master talked about adoration but it was only in his words, and his actions were always suffocating and buried Eli, alone.

“I think I know your Nine,” Antoni says, a hand at Eli’s back. It hovers, not quite touching, but Eli can feel the weight of it even so, feel the pressure of the near-contact. He swallows the lump in his throat, pushes past how it hurts.

“My Nine,” He says, a breath. A sigh and nothing more. He doesn’t want to believe it, and so he doesn’t. It’s as simple as that. “It was years ago, Antoni. I was taken back to my master. I was alone for years, and the days were… so long. I’m sure you’ve met people like him. There are so many of us, there must be others who feel like me.”

“No, Eli. Nyet, listen to me, I know your Nine. He is hiding in a place north of the city, he is-... he is-... he helps us all now. Your Nine, I know it must be yours, he told me once he knew what it means to lose, and he asked if I had a bonded, then. I did not understand that he meant he had one.”

Eli’s body is frozen, torn with equal strength between denying it - he cannot grieve Nine all over again, his heart won’t withstand the pain of the loss, if it isn’t him Eli may lose his mind this time - and wanting to ask.

He settles on the question.

“What does he look like?”

“This Nine that I know is tall, but he slouches. His hair is brown-”

“Everyone’s hair is brown,” Eli says, acid-laced, his eyes closing at the memory of Nine and his wide bright smile, slouching in the heavy oversized sweats he wore day-in and day-out in shades of beige or gray, compared to Eli’s perfectly tailored suits and silk pajama sets. “It is a common color of hair and it means nothing-”

“He wears a brace when he works,” Antoni says, “and he is telling me once it is because his arm was broken so many times by his master that it never healed right in the end. He has scars-”

“Stop,” Eli says, and the heels of his hands push into his closed eyes, sparking bright colors behind the darkness of his eyelids. “Do not say-”

“His bonded loved stained glass, he tells me, one day we are working together. His bonded loved color but could not have any of his own, his bonded had dark eyes and dark hair, his bonded would sing sometimes in-”

“Hindi,” Eli cuts him off, and his voice sounds strangled. Hands around his throat that are nothing but memories of those bare moments of happiness they had together, lying on his master’s bed whiling away the day, teaching his bonded the songs he couldn’t forget, child rhymes from a home he couldn’t remember. "I like to sing in Hindi."

“Da,” Antoni breathes, and Eli opens his eyes to find Antoni setting the mug down in front of him, milky and pale brown, looking at him with his deep brown eyes, an urgent expression.

“Chto, yesli eto ne on?” It seems safer to ask in a language that isn’t his in any way.

“It is him,” Antoni whispers, and puts his cool hands over Eli’s. To be touched directly by Antoni is so rare that it occurs to Eli he has never seen Antoni touch anyone first, only react to be touched by others. But now, he puts his hands on Eli’s, and his fingers are cold but they warm to Eli’s skin quickly.

The sleeve of his sweater pulls back at the motion, and Eli seems circle-scars along the inside of his wrist, disappearing up inside his sleeve. When his eyes raise, he can see more through the shadowed neckline of Antoni’s shirt, traveling down his collarbone until the shadows overtake them.

“Eli, I am sure it is him.”

“If it isn’t, I won’t survive it,” Eli admits, voice cracking, his smooth soft singsong shattering beneath the insistence. “I won’t. I can’t lose him again, even if it is only a dream of him, I cannot lose him again-”

“But what if you find him, instead?” Antoni meets his gaze, his messy dark hair falling over his own eyes in contrast to how neatly short Eli keeps his. There is an uncertain, hopeful smile on his face. “Will you survive that?”

“I might.” Eli is whispering, now. “I might. But-”

“Then I will call him.” Antoni pulls out his cell phone, and Eli exhales, closing his eyes. He’s too sick to say no to hope, when he has kept himself safe by doing exactly that, over and over again, ever since he lost Nine in the first place.

The ring of the phone is audible, just barely, against Antoni’s ear.

Nothing will come of it.

Nothing has ever come of his hopes-

“I know I am waking you,” Antoni says, cutting off whoever is speaking on the other end. “I know.”

Eli looks to the clock over the oven, and it reads 11:34. Nine always could stay up all night and sleep the day away, if allowed to.

He fights the way his heart starts to flutter, as if trying to escape how tightly he has caged it under the stone of his skeleton to keep it safe. It isn’t him, he tells himself, desperate not to feel the tearing, screaming grief he has felt once before. It isn’t him, it isn’t him, it isn’t him.

“Just bear with me. I will put you on speaker.” Antoni sets the phone down in front of Eli on the table. “Say hello to one of our residents.”

There’s a pause. Then, tired and hazy, a familiar voice. A little deeper, with time, but still… familiar. “Hello? Is there a reason I’m saying hello to-”

“Nine,” Eli breathes, his fingers twitching towards the phone and stopping themselves. His vision blurs, and it takes him a few seconds to realize it’s because he can’t see through his tears. “Nine. Nine, my Nine, my Nine, it’s me.”

There’s a silence, and then a thunk, and a curse comes through the phone. Eli puts his hands over his mouth to hide the way he wants to laugh, high and crazy, because he knows exactly what happened.

“You fell out of bed, didn’t you?”

“I sleep on a mattress on the floor, but I managed to fall out of that anyway,” comes the voice on the other end. “I always-... is this really Eli?”

“It’s me,” He manages. “Did you g-... did you get my gift when I sent it-”

“Yes. Don’t leave that fucking house, I’m coming to you.” He can hear Nine moving, shuffling and rustling through the speakerphone, the jingle of keys. “Don’t you dare leave, don’t you dare, it’s going to take me like five hours to get to you, don’t you fucking leave-”

“I w-won’t, I’ll be right here, Nine, I’m right h-here-” He lets out a single, uncontrolled sob before he tightens himself, before he forces the emotion as deep down as he can force it to go.

“I’ve been keeping that stained glass in the window of my last four houses,” Nine says, breathless. Eli closes his eyes and imagines his bonded running down the stairs of some house somewhere, the focus on his face.

How has his face changed? Has it? Or will he look just the same?

“I couldn’t find you again,” He says, voice shaking still. Cautiously - he allows his heart to beat fast. He lets the cage of his emotions crack, just the slightest bit, open. Lets himself breathe. “You should know, I am very sick-”

“Let me guess, you’re telling all of them you’re fine and you can handle it and do it all yourself, like always.”

Eli laughs, startled into the freedom of the sound. “Yes.”

“Good to know I still know you as well as I used to.”

“We always knew each other best,” Eli says, and then his voice dips, and he leans forward to whisper. “I missed you so much.”

“I thought of you every day, Eli. Every damn day. I’ve been looking for you, every single day.”

“Well… here I am.”

“Don’t hang up the phone.” Eli hears Nine’s ignition start, the rumble of some ancient car. “Please. Please just keep talking to me, I’m afraid if you hang up I’ll wake up and this was just dreaming about you again.”

“Do you dream about me?”

“Always. Do you remember how we used to sing?”

“Yes.”

Antoni taps the back of Eli’s hand, lightly. His smile is wide, and there is a shimmer in his own eyes, too. “Take my phone to your room with your tea,” He offers. “I will bring you the charger.”

“Thank you,” Eli says, and he doesn’t just mean about the phone.

Antoni only turns away, leaving to head for his own room. Eli stands, balancing phone in one hand and mug in the other, moving slowly down the hall. Nine starts to talk to him about where he’s staying now, and Eli lets the familiarity of that voice wash over him. The empty spot they made inside of him during training starts to refill.

His bonded, after all, always meant far more to him than any master he was meant to love.

They didn’t know what they had done, when they came up with bonded pairs. They didn’t just give Eli a built-in nursemaid, companion, or servant. They didn’t make him a weakness.

They gave him a way to break through the love he was supposed to feel and remember what actual love felt like. They gave him the first steps towards escape, they made it so they couldn’t paint over the person he is with someone else he was supposed to be. Not entirely.

He showed through, an oil painting with a second one hidden just beneath the first.

Nine made it out earlier, but the love of Nine had led Eli here anyway.

“I can’t wait to see you again,” Nine says as Eli drops onto his bed, closing his eyes, letting the phone rest warm just beneath his collarbone.

Over his heart.

His fever burns, but the knowledge that Nine is coming burns brighter.

-

@whumptywhumpdump @finder-of-rings @also-finder-of-rings @burtlederp @astrobly @newandfiguringitout @doveotions @pretty-face-breaker @gonna-feel-that-tomorrow @boxboysandotherwhump @oops-its-whump @cubeswhump @whump-tr0pes @downriver914 @orchidscript @whumpiary @wildfaewhump @nonsensical-whump @outofangband @eatyourdamnpears @cassicuterat @raigash @crystalrainwing

[something-tofightfor]

It’s Dangerous To Fall In love V: Certain With Desire

Pairing: Nick Caldwel (Fire Meet Gasoline) x Female Reader

Word Count: 11,123

Rating: N S F W 

Chapter warnings: S M U T. The after effects of being in jail for an extended period of time. 

Blanket warnings for this whole story: Crime, death, blood, injury, violence, abandonment, anger, sadness, mentions of jail/prison time, terminal illness, adultery, mentions of domestic violence and emotional abuse

Summary: Where did Nick go - and what happens when he comes back? Are you able to keep your distance even after admitting so many things to each other - and after he goes a step further in his attempt to apologize for what he’s put you through? 

Author’s note:

I legitimately didn’t even realize that this fifth part was done and ready, so I apologize for the delay... but it’s here now. 

I appreciate all of the comments and interaction on this story so far; it’s been a challenge to write, but I’ve enjoyed it.

Comments and feedback and questions are always appreciated. If you need to catch up before reading chapter 5, you can do that by clicking below. 

It’s Dangerous to Fall In Love Masterlist

As you stared at the closed door, you couldn’t help wondering just how many times Nick was going to walk away from you - and how many times you were going to let him. 

Loving him was one of the most complicated things you’d ever done, but it was also right up there with the most worthwhile. That’s why I can’t let go. Not completely. You wondered if it sounded as pathetic to him as it had to you when you’d told him what you really wanted - the man to kiss you, take you to bed and touch you, to tell you that he still loved you, even if it was a lie. 

Baring those thoughts and emotions to him hadn’t been the plan, but the more you talked, the more time you spent with him, you began to realize that it was possible that Amarillo - and the unofficial ‘end’ of the previous chapter of his life - would be the only time that you could actually say any of it. Before he moves on. Before we go back to whatever normal means for us now. 

You’d danced  around real feelings and emotions in the communication that you had while he was locked up, but doing that was difficult when you were face to face. It was impossible when he was touching you - the casual brush of his fingers or the press of his palm sending a jolt of heat through your body each and every time. 

And now that you knew that he wanted the same things - that he thought the bed was a temptation, too, and that he wasn’t capable of just having sex with you, you didn’t know what to say. You wouldn’t continue to beg; that was beneath you. His explanation for turning you down was solid, and you had no desire to derail whatever progress he’d made when it came to his mental and emotional states while in jail by forcing him to compromise on what he thought was best for himself. But that doesn’t make it easier, and it never will. Standing, you walked back over to your bed and began gathering your things, deciding that while he was gone, the best course of action was a shower. Then I don’t have to get up early and take one tomorrow. He can take his time.

The water was hot, cascading down your chest and over your shoulders as you stood beneath it, and even though you’d intended on using the time to get whatever emotion out that you could, you didn’t cry. You were proud of yourself for admitting the truth to Nick, even if it hurt. He’d told you that he loved you in the first letter, but you hadn’t ever said it back until the situation had forced it - and you hadn’t gone any further until that day, admitting that even though you knew it was stupid, you couldn’t just turn off the way you felt about him. 

You loved Nick Caldwel, and you always would, no matter the outcome of your situation. Forgiving him would take time, but based on the way that the two of you had talked since his release - navigating through difficult conversations and finding ways to explain yourselves without resorting to arguments - you thought it was possible, even if it only mattered to you. But it matters to him, too. Slicking your hair back under the spray of the shower, you took a deep breath. He wouldn’t be trying so hard if it didn’t. 

And Nick was trying. You could see it on his face in every expression he wore, feel it in the way he was holding himself back when you were next to each other. You heard it in the catch of his voice, the wavering of it as he tried to come up with the right thing to say in response to the rapidly changing emotions between you. I have to give him that. I have to … cut him some slack. Not for leaving - not yet - but for the way he was behaving in the present. 

As you began to towel off, you heard the door close and then footsteps on the floor followed by the sound of your name. “I’m in here, Nick. Be right out.” Him coming back wasn’t a shock - he’d said that he would, and he hadn’t taken anything with him. He seemed calm, too. The door hadn’t slammed and he wasn’t stomping around. The man’s voice was even, although slightly cautious when he told you that he was back and to take your time. 

Getting dressed in your pajamas - more shorts and a t-shirt that had seen better days - you checked your phone before heading back into the bedroom, and even though it wasn’t quite midnight, it felt much later. “Bathroom’s yours, Nick. I -” Stopping in your tracks, you cocked your head to one side, eyes on your bed. “What’s… what is that?”

“My options were kind of limited.” He was sitting on the second bed, hands clasped together between his spread knees. “So I …” He stood, pressing his lips together. “I picked from -”

“You got me flowers?” Setting down the dirty clothes and your phone, you leaned over the bed and picked up the cellophane wrapped bundle that was resting on your pillow. “Nick, you -” We had a disagreement and he left to go and buy me… “Thank you.” Lifting them to your nose, you closed your eyes as you inhaled, the scent stronger than you’d thought it would be. “You were the last person … well the last man to buy me flowers.” Glancing up, you met his eyes. “You know my parents get me a bunch every year for my birthday, but aside from that, you were the only one that ever did.” 

He stepped closer, his hands in his pockets. “I don’t know if I have any right to ask you this, especially after what I said right before I left a little while ago, but …” He took a breath, tongue darting out. “I’m not ready to be in any sort of relationship, and I don’t know if you’d want that with me, even though …” Even though I just told you I loved you.  “But I’m gonna be in Mesa for a while, if not … for good again, and I’d like to keep in touch.”

“In touch?” Frowning, you set the flowers back down on your bed and then rounded the foot of it, head moving back and forth in confusion. “You make it sound like as soon as we get back, we aren’t going to … do you think that I’d come here and bring you back and then just … stop speaking to you?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “I don’t want to get my hopes up. I don’t know what people are going to say, or what you’re gonna feel when it’s not just the two of us, and …” His eyes moved to the wrapped blooms, lingering there before thy met yours again. “I walked out of your life once and I don’t want to do it again, even if it means we only talk over text or on the phone.” Removing one hand, he pointed at the bed. “A sad bunch of flowers from a gas station is a really shitty start to an apology, but it’s still me trying to -”

“Nick, I just begged you to have sex with me, I’m pretty sure that -” He stopped you with a lifted finger, the corners of his lips briefly twisting up and into a smile. 

“There was no begging. You just told me what you wanted. There’s a difference.” There is, I guess. But … “Whatever happens to me in the future, I think … no, I know that I need to fix this as much as I can before I can move on.” Move on? Your eyes widened and he swore under his breath, reaching out with one hand and grabbing your wrist.  “I don’t mean move on from you. I mean move on from … punishing myself for everything.” Oh. Ok, that … “But you’re in my corner right now, so -”

“I never left it.” Inching closer, you wrinkled your nose, Nick’s grip loosening so that he could hold onto your hand. “Well, I mean, I might have vacated it for a couple months while you were gone, but …” He laughed at that and so you did, too, breathing a sigh of relief. “If I gave a shit what people were saying I wouldn’t be here right now. I wouldn’t have come to Texas to speak on your behalf. I wouldn’t have driven to you in the middle of the night.” Reaching out with the hand that he wasn’t holding, you rested your palm against his cheek. “Thank you for the flowers. Yes we can keep in touch.” His fingers flexed, the man’s focus on you as you took a deep breath. “I shouldn’t have dumped all of that on you at once, but you asked what I wanted, and -”

“Do you know what I want?” He paused, shifting his shoulders. I have no idea. “I want to go back to that day when you asked me to make you understand what the fuck I was talking about. I want to go back to you telling me that we could put off the wedding for a while if I needed to, and say yes.” He moved closer, his free hand moving from his side to your hip, the man cautiously touching you. “I want to look down at your left hand and see two rings there and then look at mine and see a third.” Fuck, Nick. “I want to take everything I’ve learned in the last two and a half years and go back to before any of it happened and keep it from -” Moving the hand on his face, you pressed two fingers against his lips, head moving from side to side. 

“You can’t do that.” But. “You know what you can do, though?” He didn’t reply, so you continued. “You can use it now. All of it. Losing your dad and deciding to leave and going to Texas and meeting Elena and everything that happened after … because you’ve got your life back now, Nick.” And you’ve got me. “And I want to be in it, in whatever way you’ll let me.” Because I love you. 

He didn’t speak, the man’s eyes locked on yours, but he did pucker his lips briefly, pressing a kiss to your fingers as his other hand tightened on your hip. You pulled your hand free from his and then dropped your other one, encircling him with both arms as you drew him into a hug. He let you - both hands flattening against your back, your mingled breaths and the sound of the air conditioner the only noises in the room. 

Being held by him was just as comforting as it had been earlier - it felt right, and you didn’t want to separate. But I should, otherwise I’ll stand here all night. He said your name, both hands sliding from your back to your waist, pushing you gently away. Yeah? “Being sorry wasn’t the only thing I was talking about when I said I meant it all.” He looked nervous, eyes darting around before he closed them, nodding. When they reopened, you saw Nick there, in a way that you’d been convinced you never would again. “I love you. I never stopped. I don’t think I ever will, and I know that everything I did might make you think otherwise, but …” 

You sucked in a breath, unwilling to believe what he was saying. Because it can’t be true. It can’t … he’s … “Nick…” He swallowed, waiting. “Why didn’t you just … say this before? Over the phone, or -”

“Because I needed to tell you in person. There wasn’t another option. I wanted to look you in the eye when I said it, because I knew it would probably be the last time.” You were still holding each other and you wondered if he could hear the beating of your heart, wondered if he could feel the slight tremble of your fingers as they curled against his back. “It might not mean anything right now, but I need you to know that it’s the truth. I’ve made a lot of mistakes. Closing myself off after my dad died. Leaving and not looking back. Elena. Ryan. But calling you that night wasn’t a mistake. And it wasn’t just because I knew your number, or because I -” This is everything that I… that I’ve wanted to hear him say for years.

“I love you too, Nick.” Sliding one hand up the center of his back, you cut him off. “And it’s not just a part of me that does. But you already knew that.” He smiled briefly. “Might not be easy, but between the two of us, I… I think we can -” 

“I’m going to kiss you right now.” He cut you off, the words leaving his mouth in a rush. “If you don’t want me to, then… stop me.” You had no intention of doing that. Nick closed the distance between you slowly, his hands still at your waist, yours pressed to his back - and only when his lips touched yours did you close your eyes, your entire body trembling at the feeling. 

— 

You didn’t pull away from him. 

He told you what his plan was, and you didn’t pull away. Instead, you leaned closer, your entire body shaking as he kissed you - for real - for the first time in more than two and a half years. He didn’t want to push his luck - had no intention of it, but when you sighed against his lips, Nick couldn’t help himself. 

He pulled you closer, your body flush against his, and then looped his arms around you, hands on your back. You were solid to the touch, more real to him than he’d ever hoped you’d be again, and even though you’d hugged multiple times in the previous hours and he’d gone to sleep next to you the previous night, the kiss was different. 

His cheeks were damp when he finally broke the kiss to take a breath, and at first Nick thought you were crying again, but at the slight widening of your eyes and the lifting of one hand, your fingers brushing over tops of his cheeks, Nick realized that he was responsible for the tears, and that they were still tracking down his face. “No reason to cry, Nick.” You smoothed your thumb over his skin, the look in your eyes one of understanding. “I’m right here.” 

He’d cried in the privacy of his room many nights after leaving Arizona, finally letting the emotions wash over him once the gravity of what he’d done had settled in, and after so long, Nick had assumed that he didn’t have more tears to shed. But I was fucking wrong. Just like I was wrong about so many things. “I’m so sorry Calabaza.” Running his hands up and down your back, he shook his head. “So goddamn sorry.”

“Is kissing me really that bad?” Your lips twitched, and he realized that you were trying to lighten the mood. “It made you cry, and you have to apologize? I think -” 

“No.” He leaned in again, pressing his forehead against yours. “No, it’s not bad. Not at all.” His hands moved from your back and to your face, palms dwarfing your jaw as he tilted your head to look into your eyes. Your hand remained on his face, too, thumb stroking over the bare patch on his cheek. “I want to do it again.” He saw the expression on your face change, a fleeting moment of worry passing through your eyes before it was replaced with one of determination and acceptance. 

“I want you to.” He realized then what it was - you weren’t sure that wanting him was the appropriate emotion to feel. I don’t blame her. “Nick, I want you t-” You were still nodding when your lips met for the second time, Nick’s fingers trailing down and over your throat from your jaw, yours sliding back to settle behind his ear like you’d done so many times before. 

If that night was the only night he ever got to kiss you again - if you woke up the following day and decided that it had been a moment of weakness to let him near you physically, that after what he’d done, you couldn’t bring yourself to let him touch you intimately again, Nick would understand. And I’m gonna tell her that.  I’m going to - But before he could pull away from you and speak, he felt you parting your lips, the tip of your tongue gently prodding at the seam of his. What? This… He reacted, though, drawing in a breath through his nose and opening his mouth to you, both hands settled on your shoulders. 

The first tentative stroke of your tongue along his was all Nick needed, his hold on you tightening and a deep sigh straight from the back of his throat audible as he adjusted the tilt of his head to match yours. It was everything he’d wanted for months, despite reminding and trying to convince himself that he didn’t deserve to have you again. 

It took him no time at all to lose himself in your kiss, his mind focused only on how close you were and how your hand tightened in his hair and the way you pressed your body against his, hips rubbing together. He felt his body’s reaction - blood rushing down and settling between his legs along with growing arousal coursing through his veins. If we don’t stop, I’m not gonna be able to hide the fact that I…

You were fresh out of a shower - hair damp, your skin clean and soft, and with another gasp, Nick pushed you away, his chest heaving. “Stop for a second, alright?” He swallowed hard, focused on your face. “We need to talk about something before we get carried away.” You were wary but still nodded, and even though he knew that he needed to, he couldn’t bring himself to stop touching you - or put more than a few inches of space between the two of you. “I didn’t buy condoms when I got your flowers earlier.” He paused. “And that was deliberate.” Nick said your name, trying to ignore the brief flash of disappointment he caught on your face before you forced it neutral. “When… if you and I get to that point again, it’s not going to be here. It’s not going to be in a random, out of state hotel that we’re in because you’re picking me up from jail. And I know what you’re about to say, because I know you; I don’t care if you’re still on the pill or you’ve got an implant or any of that shit. Anything else would be irresponsible as fuck, and -”

“Ok.” You nodded. “I understand.” There was a pause, and you opened your mouth again. “Did you and -” Closing it as quickly as you’d begun to speak, Nick knew what you’d been about to ask him. Did you and Elena use protection? 

The answer was a resounding yes - each and every time - but he knew that he couldn’t tell you that for the same reason you couldn’t bring yourself to ask the full question. He knew that you had with whoever you’d slept with while he was gone; it wasn’t fathomable that you would have done anything else with a short term relationship. But he understood why you would question what had been the case with the other woman. And she shouldn’t fucking have to. “Whatever happens with us, I wanna do right by you this time.” He licked his lips, narrowing his eyes. “And that means that as much as I’d like to drag you into that bed right now, I know it’s better if we don’t.” 

“I am on the pill, Nick.” You raised an eyebrow. “But you’re right. We’ve waited long enough, it shouldn’t… we shouldn’t … not here.” You looked away, eyes landing on the flowers that you’d set down. “I’m going to put those into some water so they make it through the night.” He didn’t say anything as you made your way through the room and grabbed the ice bucket, carrying it over to the sink and filling it halfway. Nick sat down on the end of his bed, watching you and trying to get his heart rate under control. Smart. 

You then walked back to the flowers, picking them up and lifting them to your nose, closing your eyes briefly as you inhaled. You didn’t stop yourself from smiling, and you didn’t keep your eyes off of him as you did it, either - peeking up from over the tops of the bouquet. “You think they’ll last for the whole ride back?” He cleared his throat. “Maybe we can stick the ends into a bottle of water or something, put it in the backseat cupholder?”

“That’s a good idea.” You shrugged, making your way back to your bed and taking a seat on the side closest to him. “I was just thinking about stealing the bucket, but…” That made him laugh and you joined him after a few seconds, reaching up to swipe at the back of your neck. “Nick I need to be honest with you.” About? “It’s taking every single bit of self control I have to not climb onto your lap right now and -” 

“Shit.” He exhaled, closing his eyes. “I shouldn’t have … I should have just…” You protested but Nick spun to face you, head whipping back and forth. “Fuck, I didn’t even -” 

“Why are you constantly apologizing?” You leaned forward, eyes on his face. “I get that you’re sorry, Nick. Of course you are. But you don’t need to apologize for turning me on. You don’t need to apologize for kissing me like that. You don’t need to apologize to me because I can’t keep my body from reacting to finally being touched by you again. What did you think was going to happen?”

“Would have been easier for you if you didn’t react, wouldn’t it?” He shifted, rubbing the top of his knee with one hand. “Or if you hadn’t reacted the way you are. Then you’d know that after all this time, you could finally move on.” 

“If I was going to move on I would have done it already.” You spoke so quietly that he almost didn’t hear you, but when you said his name, it was almost a plea. “We’ve both been calling this closure, but that… I don’t think that’s what this is.” I don’t either. “I love you, Nick. And I’m not sure what that means in the long term, but … it definitely doesn’t mean that I’m not going to react when you touch me or kiss me.” You arched a brow, dropping your eyes briefly. “And if this morning’s any indication, you’re just as into it as -”

“That’s not fair.” He tried to hide his grin, pressing his lips together. “The first fucking morning I’m out, I’m in bed with you, and you expect me not to react?”

“True.” You fidgeted on the bed for a few seconds. “What about just now, when we were kissing?  Did you -” Is she really asking this? 

“Yeah.” He didn’t look away. “If we would have kept going for much longer, I probably would have had to go into the bathroom and take care of it.” You ducked your head at that, Nick unable to hide his smile at the look on your face. “That’s another reason I stopped you. If I’m gonna tell you we can’t sleep together, it makes it a little awkward if I’m doing that with my di-” You interrupted him, lifting your chin to meet his gaze again. 

“We don’t have to have sex for me to “take care of that” for you.” You used your fingers to make air quotes, voice steady. “If… you want.” 

— 

You understood what he was saying and why - the man clearly outlining why he couldn’t and wouldn’t sleep with you, the denial of pleasure that he was forcing on himself when it came to being close to and kissing you. But he doesn’t need to. Not if we both want… The room was silent after your offer, Nick’s brown eyes darker than usual as he stared at you, his full lower lip caught between his teeth in surprise. “Don’t tell me that you wouldn’t like to feel someone else’s -” 

“Why?” He leaned in. “Why should I be the one that gets …” He dug the tips of his fingers into his eyes, swearing as he rubbed them. What? What does he mean? When Nick met your gaze again, there was determination in his eyes. “You gonna let me return the favor?” Tilting his head to one side, he crossed his arms over his chest. “Or is this going to be one of those nights like when you used to get me off and not let me touch you?” You laughed then - you couldn’t help it. 

“You’re the one that keeps stopping us.” Gesturing to yourself, you uncrossed your legs before setting your hands down atop your knees. “Like I said, there’s plenty of ways to -” He stood abruptly, the man’s hands hanging by his sides. “Nick?”

“You’ll tell me the second you want me to stop, right?” He stepped closer and you watched as he curled his fingers into loose fists and then flexed them. “No matter what it is that I’m doing?” 

“Of course.” Your voice little more than a whisper, you looked up at him. “And you’ll do the same?” He nodded, both hands moving back to the front of his body, and you watched as he pressed his thumb down against the tattoo, Nick’s chest rising and falling. “Oh, Nick.” Rising to your feet, you reached for him, taking both of his hands into yours and moving your thumbs over the backs of them, pulling him closer to you. “Talk to me. What’s wrong? If this is going to be an issue for you, we can just -” 

“Would you believe me if I said I was nervous?” He closed his eyes. “Not about what I’m gonna do, but about … you.” Me? Why? “It should have been you all along.” it should have been but it wasn’t. He looked down, watching your joined hands. “And I’m worried that you’re not gonna tell me if you don’t want - ” Don’t do this to yourself. 

“When have I ever been quiet about what I like or don’t like, Nick?” You squeezed his hand and then let go of one, that hand trailing up his chest. “Why would that change now?” When you reached the collar of his shirt, you hooked a finger into it, tugging down. “I’ll answer that for you - it won’t.” The reassurance seemed to help, Nick’s free hand moving to your hip, fingers sliding beneath the hem of your t-shirt before they made contact with your skin. 

You nearly whimpered at the feeling but held it together and held eye contact, nodding. “Alright.” He took a deep breath, squeezing your hand again before he let go, his hand moving along your jaw and urging you closer, the man’s eyelids finally drooping shut as he pressed his mouth to yours. You’d never get sick of kissing him, and certainly wouldn’t ever get over the way it felt to be held by him. How could anyone? 

While you knew that both of you had a lot to work through, you didn’t have to do it that night, and neither did he. We need to focus on this. So you did - holding him close and continuing to kiss him, mouths moving together in a surprisingly familiar way as he slipped his other hand against your opposite hip, rubbing his palms over your sides. When you pulled back, inhaling to fill your burning lungs with oxygen, he only hesitated for a second, hands bunching the fabric of your top between his fingers. “Yeah?” You nodded in agreement and when he began to lift your shirt, you helped by raising your arms over your head, letting him take it completely off of your body. 

You’d thrown on a sports bra after your shower but it covered very little. You didn’t even try to hide your sigh of approval as Nick stared at your body, hands returning to your skin and palming it, the man leaning in and then ducking his head down to kiss your shoulder. “Wait a minute.” You tapped him on the shoulder, the man’s eyes moving up to your face. “You’re a little overdressed. Jeans and a shirt?” Head shaking slowly from side to side, you raised a brow. “Pick one and take it off.” 

Not only did you want to give him the choice, you wanted to see what he’d go for first, and were unsurprised when he reached for the bottom of his shirt, arms crossed over his stomach as he removed it and tossed it to the side, along with yours. Like always, his jeans hung low on his hips, the elastic of his underwear visible above the waistband of them. Jail had slimmed him down somewhat, his arms muscled while his torso was leaner than you’d ever seen it. He had tan lines on his upper arms and neck, but the difference was slight and someone that hadn’t spent so much time looking at his bared skin likely wouldn’t have even noticed. But I do. “You’re staring.” You could hear the teasing tone in his voice and were relieved at the sound, nodding as you held up both hands in mock surrender. 

“You caught me. I guess I didn’t know what to expect, but … fuck, Nick. You’re…” Reaching out, you used one hand to undo the button on his jeans. “Take these off, too. So I can -”

“You first.” He met your eyes again, your name falling off his tongue like a plea. “Let me take care of you first, alright? I know you keep telling me I don’t need to apologize, but -” He stopped, closing his eyes. “Look, it’s gonna take me about three seconds if you touch me with your bare hand, and probably less if you were to use your mouth. I just -”

You laughed - out loud, the sound bursting from your lips and you immediately pulled your hand back as you grinned. “That’s really fair, Nick. I didn’t even think about that. I’m sorry.” It was good that he was being honest - and that he was keeping the mood light, but you knew that eventually you’d both have to take that leap, one of you initiating actual contact with the other. And it has to be him. It has to be me that shows him it’s alright. “I won’t touch you until you tell me to.” Both hands going to your hips, you pushed your shorts down an inch or two and then paused. “But Nick, if you don’t touch me, I think I’m going to -”

He moved forward, hands shooting out to replace yours and when you tumbled backwards onto the bed, bouncing against the mattress, Nick was quick to follow, though he didn’t reach for your chest. Instead, he hooked his fingers in the elastic band of your shorts and tugged them down. Wasting no time, he pulled them off of your legs and dropped them to the ground before he stepped between your knees, leaning down and flattening his hands on either side of your body. “Every single inch.” What? Propped up on your elbows, you stared at him, waiting. “I’m gonna show every single inch of you how much I missed you.” 

“Oh, I -” Taking a deep breath, you arched your back, leaning forward enough to kiss him again. “I like the sound of that.” You felt him smiling against your lips before he moved away from them, his mouth trailing over your cheeks and nose, pressing kisses into the corners of your eyes and then over your forehead. You wanted to touch him, but also didn’t want him to stop so you kept your hands in place, closing your eyes and letting yourself enjoy what was happening. He took his time, and when you felt one of his hands lift from the bed, reaching up to rub his thumb over your lower lip, you sighed, puckering your lips to kiss his skin. He won’t stop me from doing that. 

Nick moved slowly down, lips dragging over the line of your jaw and then, after he’d repositioned his hand behind your head to tilt it back, he kissed the underside of it, his mustache tickling the thin skin. You felt the mattress dip as he raised one knee, the man giving himself a way to balance his weight. Both of his hands moved to your shoulders, fingers stroking your skin while he continued his path down the center of your throat with his lips and tongue. 

He paused again at the base of it, stopping for long enough to press his lips against the dip, followed by his teeth scraping over the surface of your skin, the man moving to the left and following the line of your collarbone. The hands on your arms turned into his knuckles, the sensation vastly different than that of his mouth, and you didn’t know where to focus. 

He helped you decide by biting down on your shoulder and then glancing up, his eyes meeting yours briefly before he went back to what he was doing, Nick’s mouth tracing a slow path down the inside of your arm until he reached your wrist. He lifted your hand then, mouth covering the final inches it took to reach your palm, but instead of lingering there, he used one of his hands to flip yours over, his parted lips landing against your knuckles. No, not knuckles. One specific knuckle. 

He was kissing your ring finger - your left ring finger, and at the realization, you crooked your fingers beneath his chin, choking out his name and asking him to look at you. “Come here. Please.” He was confused for a second, but when you sat up, arms unnecessary to keep you upright, he understood. “I need to kiss you.” Need. Not want, Nick. 

“But I’m -” He blinked, wetting his lips without letting go of your hand. “I -”

“I don’t care. You can go back to it if you want, but… just come here.” He did as you asked, threading his fingers between yours as he sought your mouth once more. It was you that deepened that kiss, the edges of your teeth capturing his lower lip and then pulling on it, the man’s mouth opening as he chased after yours. 

You let him catch you - like you always had. And like I always will. That time, Nick’s kiss was almost desperate, his head cocked to one side as he pressed his lips against yours. You could feel it rolling off of him, and so you moved both hands, too, disentangling your fingers and winding your arms around his shoulders. Testing your luck, you leaned back, dragging him down with you until your back was flat against the mattress, Nick’s bare chest pressed to yours. 

He didn’t let you stay that way for long, inching back and using both of his hands on the mattress to put space between you. “You aren’t playing fair.”

“Do you blame me?” Biting your lip, you shrugged. “Seize the day and all that, right?” He smiled, cheeks rounding out and the dimple appearing on one side of his face. “You can go back to what you were doing now, I’m done kissing you for the moment.” That made him laugh, but it didn’t take long for him to lower his mouth once more after shifting backwards, his kiss landing just above ethe neckline of your bra. “Want me to take that off?” Preparing to raise the top part of your body, you said his name. “It won’t take -”

“I got it.” He smiled, one side of his mouth quirking upward before his lips settled into a more serious expression. “Relax.” You did, eyes on him as he reached for the bottom edge of your bra and pushed it upward, exposing your chest to him after only a few seconds. His eyes went wide, moving so that he could take in the sight of your bared skin - and then, for the first time in longer than you cared to think about - Nick’s breath fanned out over your chest … and was almost immediately followed by his open mouth. 

You cried out as his tongue flicked against the side of one breast, the man wasting no time in licking his way to the peak of it, lips closing around your nipple and then sucking, the pressure making your back bow. Oh, fuck, he… You relaxed again as he took a breath, both hands still on your body as he pushed both breasts together and then descended again, mouth moving eagerly between the two, damp skin left in the wake of his tongue. 

The air conditioning ensured that your nipples remained hard - but even if it had been eighty degrees in the room, his mouth would have done the same thing, the pressure of his lips and teeth sending surges of pleasure throughout your entire body. You could feel that he was itching to continue his journey down the remainder of your torso, though reluctant to remove his mouth from your curves. 

Nick ran his nose along the center of your chest - up and down - and then kissed your skin once more before his lips dropped to your stomach, hands releasing you before they slowly made their way down your ribs. He peppered your stomach with kisses, and you had to bite your lip hard to keep from writhing on the bed as his facial hair tickled your freshly-kissed skin, but Nick’s focus never wavered, the man dipping his tongue against your belly button and then going lower. 

You hadn’t realized it, but he was standing again, bent at the waist as he worked his way even further down, and when you watched him sink to his knees at the edge of the bed, it was your turn for your mouth to drop open. You focused on the man’s face, watching as Nick’s shoulders rose and fell with each breath he took, eyes locked on your body as he leaned back in. When his mouth made contact with the top of your thigh, you gasped, fingers curling to grasp the blanket. How is he able to tease me like this? He has to be so fucking worked up. 

He didn’t linger there, though, kissing his way inward - but Nick skipped over the center of your body and straight to the other leg, his palms on the outsides of your thighs, fingers slipping beneath the backs of them as he pulled your legs further apart. He only glanced up once, the questioning look in his eyes easy to read even though he didn’t speak. Do you want this? He would have gotten up if you’d told him to, would have immediately removed his hands if you’d asked - but you didn’t. 

“Yeah, Nick. I want you.” 

— 

Your permission was all he needed, Nick breaking eye contact and tilting his head down, his focus entirely on what was in front of him. Part of him had wanted to fast track it down your body to bury his tongue inside of you, but he’d forced the slow path instead, giving himself time to calm down and you time to tell him to stop if you wanted to. 

But your response to his mouth and hands had been more than he’d ever hoped for, your body pliant to the touch, breathing changing as he worked his way over your skin. He saw the way your fingers curled, heard the reaction to his lips against your finger, and when you’d pled with him to kiss you, he hadn’t been able to deny you. 

You were letting him back in - at least on a physical level - and Nick was thankful. But he was more thankful that you were an active participant; offering to take your bra off, wanting him to remove his clothes, too, letting him spread your legs as he settled between them. You weren’t just laying there - you wanted him and were making it known. 

He could smell you; sweet and musky, still one of the most alluring things he’d ever encountered. Nick had promised himself that he’d focus, not thinking about what had happened, but for a split second, he wondered why he was getting a second chance with you. Does it matter? He kissed the inside of your thigh, the tip of his nose running along the crease of your leg. No, it doesn’t. Not right now. With another slight turn of his head, Nick’s lips made contact with you - and then he stopped worrying, stopped thinking about everything but you and the way you tasted. 

He used his tongue at first, parting his lips and then extending it as he licked you, his grip on your legs tightening enough that he felt your muscles tense beneath his fingers, but it wasn’t in pain. He heard you cry out, the sound a mix of his name and a strangled moan, and then he felt your hands in his hair, fingers tangling in the strands. You weren’t pushing or guiding him, just holding on, reassuring him that you were there and didn’t want him to stop - and as he retracted his tongue briefly, he smiled against your damp skin, nudging against it with his nose. Good. This is … good. 

You tasted just like he remembered, and as Nick’s tongue began to move again, he lapped at you - focus shifting to covering as much skin with the flat of his tongue as he could with each swipe. You widened the spread of your legs even as you lifted one of them to drape it over his shoulder, the heel of your foot pressed against the center of his back. He kept his hand on that thigh, but pulled the other one away and brought it up between your legs, thumb pulling your skin taut to open you up just a little more. 

He heard you moaning his name again, and though he didn’t stop, Nick glanced up, finding that you’d collapsed back onto the bed, one of your hands leaving his hair and falling to your stomach, fingers splayed. When he dipped his tongue into you, your lower body jerked and Nick hummed, changing the angle of his head at the same time he swiped one thumb over you in light, tight circles, just above where his mouth was. “Fuck, Nick.” Your voice was thin and broken, hips pushing forward, and when Nick pulled away so that he could take a deep - and necessary - breath, he raised his head to look at you again, the motion of his thumb not ceasing. 

You were staring at him with your lips parted and your eyes halfway closed, but when you saw that he was watching, you smiled - a radiant one, your tongue swiping over your lower lip as your bare chest rose and fell. He knew that his mouth and chin were shiny and slick but he still raised his head further, pushing his lips out into an expression that was half pout, half smirk and then winked at you, tightening his fingers around your thigh. 

You gasped and then laid all the way back down, Nick returning his mouth to your body. Sealing his lips over you, he stopped the movement of his thumb and instead slipped a finger into you, your body reacting immediately to the intrusion. He paused - briefly - but when you began to thrust your hips forward, taking his finger even deeper, Nick started to move it, his tongue flicking rapidly against you. I missed this. Missed this so fucking much. 

You started to whine, a hand going back into his hair, and for the next few minutes, the two of you moved in tandem - Nick adding a second finger and lengthening the strokes of his tongue, his other hand still on your leg while you dug your heel into his back, hips jerking as you sought out more. But when he heard you say his name again, the sound low and full of need, he opened his eyes, looking up. 

You’d propped yourself up on one elbow so you could watch, your gaze nearly burning him as your eyes met. “Keep looking at me, Nick. Keep…” His tongue joined his fingers and you squeezed your eyes shut, moaning. That sound. That fucking sound is… He was painfully hard - the material of his jeans uncomfortable even through the underwear he wore, but he was still focused on you and on the way you were reacting to him. “Fuck, Nick, please. I want to -” You hissed, nodding your head as you urged your own legs open even more. He thrust his fingers in deeper, curling them upward as he alternated between licking and sucking on your skin, the suction of his lips accompanied by the occasional gentle scrape of his teeth. You liked that - hips surging forward to drag yourself against his mouth, and Nick fought to keep his eyes open and on you. “Make me come, Nick. Ma-”

Your words stopped as he sped up the motion of his fingers, and you went from simply touching the back of his head to grasping his hair, your fingers tight among the sweat-damp strands. You were close - he hadn’t been with you in a long time, but he’d never forget the tells you had - the way your breath quickened, the quiet “oh” you managed to squeak out, the way your thumb moved independently from your other fingers - tapping rapidly against his scalp… they were all the same, and Nick felt his own heart begin racing at the thought that you were about to tip over the edge - and it was because of him. 

You gasped out his name again, tightening your grip on his hair and then letting go - and then he felt your muscles fluttering around his fingers, your legs tensing as your back arched and your eyes finally closing as your mouth dropped open. That’s fucking… He groaned into you as you came, refusing to remove his mouth, though he changed the way he used it, no longer needing to work you up and instead focusing on prolonging your pleasure. 

When your hips began to shake, he switched from his tongue to his lips, pressing kisses against you as he finally withdrew his fingers, the length of them coated in a pearly white that made his mouth water. Somehow, you moved your leg from his shoulder and pulled your hand away from his hair. When he was free, he rose to his full height - still on his knees - and said your name, taking a long, deep breath. You cracked your eyes open and when he knew you were watching, Nick smiled at you, licking his fingers clean before sticking the tips of them into his mouth and then pulling them free with a pop. 

“Come here, Nick.” You beckoned to him with one hand, still propped up on the other elbow. “Come here and let me -” Turning his head, Nick used the bottom edge of the comforter to wipe the lower half of his face. That done, he crawled up the bed and used one knee to prop himself up above you, the hand that had been on your leg turning your head so that he could kiss the side of your neck. Before, you’d had no issues with him kissing you immediately after he’d used his mouth on you, but he didn’t know if that had changed, and didn’t want to ruin the moment with a denial of his affection. “Hey.” You pushed him away gently, saying his name again. “What’re you doing?” 

“Didn’t know if -” You turned your head back, lips skating over his cheek and then landing on the corner of his mouth, a smile spreading over them. 

“Nothing’s changed.” Your words were a whisper, the hand once again finding his hair. “Kiss me, you idiot.” And he did - hard and deep, the man’s mouth open against yours as your tongues met, nothing held back between you. He let himself rut against you a few times, the contact of his hips against your body making him moan loudly, and he wanted nothing more than to keep going. But I can’t. He allowed himself to kiss you for a few more seconds and then pulled back, eyes closed. I won’t. He was straddling one of your thighs as he knelt on the bed, hands falling to the tops of his knees, and when you looked up at him, there was curiosity in your eyes, along with sadness. “Nick?” 

“You ready to go to bed?” He forced the words out, settling back and resting his weight on his calves. “I’m gonna go and -” You sat all the way up, both hands pulling your bra back into place, the look in your eyes almost hard. 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Reaching out, you took his face between your hands. “I know we’re not going to -” 

“Tonight’s not about me, Calabaza, it’s about you.” He kissed one palm, shrugging. “I’ll just go into the bathroom and -”

“No, you won’t.” You raised the leg that was between his, your thigh pressing against the seam of his jeans, and he forced himself not to react. “I’m right here, Nick. I want -” 

“I don’t deserve to have you anywhere near m-” You surprised him then, leaning forward and kissing him to stop his speech. He let you, the kiss lasting for long seconds, and when you pulled away, your eyes were shining. 

“That doesn’t matter tonight, alright?” You pushed his hair back and over his ear, swallowing hard. “After everything that we’ve been through, we deserve something good.” You paused. “You deserve something good. And if I’m saying that, then it has to be true.” Stunned, all he could do was stare at you, trying to figure out how to reply. I don’t know that I agree, but … “Let me take care of you, Nick. Please?”

A stronger man would have told you no. A better man would have firmly repeated that he could take care of things by himself, the same way he’d been doing it the entire time he was in jail. A decent man would have reminded you of what he’d done to you, and how he’d ruined everything. 

But instead of doing any of those things, Nick nodded twice, moving to the side and kneeling next to you before he lowered himself onto his back on the mattress, one arm wrapped around your body to take you with him.

— 

You’d known something was up when he hesitated with removing his jeans earlier, but you’d let it slide. And even in your post-orgasmic haze, you’d felt that he was holding himself back when he kissed you after getting back into the bed. But for the man to outright deny you the opportunity to get him off was a shock, and there was no way you were going to let it happen. No way. 

As he pulled you down on top of him, the look in Nick’s eyes changed again - apprehension still there but joined with a look of contentment. Good, that’s how it should be. Any other night, you would have taken your time with him and teased the man, the same way that he’d done with you, but Nick had waited long enough. He’ll enjoy it just as much, you rationalized as you kissed him once more, the palms of your hands flat on the mattress to support your weight. “Don’t think about it, Nick.” Murmuring the words into his ear, you pulled back so that you could look into his eyes. “Just relax.” He nodded once and you shifted off of him, hands moving so that you could undo his jeans - first the button and then the zipper, Nick’s hips lifting from the bed and allowing you to pull them down. When they were below his knees, he kicked them off, freeing both legs, and then settled back against the bed, waiting. 

You ran a hand down his chest and over his stomach, the heel of your hand making contact with his bulge, which was still encased in dark gray material. He groaned at the touch, continuing to make noise as your heel turned into your fingers, two of them stroking down and over him before running back up. His hips jerked, even though you weren’t touching skin, Nick’s hands gripping the blankets beneath him so hard you thought they might tear. “Can I… Can I touch y-” 

“Yes.” You squeezed him through his underwear as you replied, eyes flicking back up from  where your hand was and locking with his. “Fuck yes, Nick.” He only used one hand to do so, his fingers releasing the blanket and sliding across it until they could link with yours, both hands resting next to his hip. You slipped your fingers into the slit of his underwear, undoing the tiny button, and when you touched him for the first time, he hissed, back arching and his hips rising so that he could thrust himself into your hand. Yes. Just like that. Just like … Humming in approval, you wrapped your fingers around him and then pulled him free, not letting go as what you held came into view. 

You couldn’t take your eyes off of him - the man warm and firm in your hand - and after giving him a few slow, tentative strokes, you swiped your thumb over his tip, gathering the moisture there and spreading it. He was wrong. It’s been more than three seconds. Dragging your hand up and down again, you took a breath and then leaned over, continuing the motion of your hand as you kissed his abdomen. Following the trail of thin, wiry hair down from below his navel, you paused at the base of him, giving Nick a chance to tell you to stop. But when he didn’t - the man’s hips thrusting upward again, you turned your head and licked your lips, the tip of your tongue meeting his skin briefly, too. He yelped your name, his other hand finally moving to touch you, and at the pressure of it against the back of your head, you reacted, opening your mouth and running your lips against him - below where your hand was still working.

He groaned, the sound muffled from between his lips, which were pressed together. When you pulled your hand free from his, dragging the edges of your nails along the side of his thigh and then up and over the top,  Nick brought that newly freed hand up and bit down on the meat of it, further muffling his reactions. Oh, he… he had to when he was … You stopped immediately, keeping your fingers wrapped around him, and lifted your head. “Nick.” He opened his eyes, meeting yours, the look in them almost desperate. “Let me hear you.” Flipping your hand over and using your knuckles against his leg, you nodded. “It’s OK, Nick. You don’t have to be quiet anymore.” 

His eyes widened but he nodded, dropping his hand from his mouth and keeping his lips parted, the man’s breath coming out in quick pants. “Please, you…” He groaned as you stroked him again, wrist twisting a little when you reached the base. “Oh, fuck, that feels good.” You’d never heard him sound so needy, and when you lowered your head again, tongue extended, you heard him say your name, the end of it sharply cut off as you licked his skin, the plush feel of him against your tongue snapping you back to when you’d been together, your own eyes squeezing shut as you let out a low whine. “Calabaza, I -” 

That was all you could stand, dragging your tongue over his slit and then closing your lips around his head, taking him into your mouth with a low hum of pleasure. His reaction let you know that he could feel the vibration of your throat, Nick’s entire body shivering as he fell all the way back and laid against the mattress. 

Your hand and mouth moved together, fingers covering what you couldn’t take between your lips, and even though you tried to lose yourself in what you were doing, you couldn’t let go completely. Instead, you kept an ear out for changes in his breathing, tried to focus on the movement of his body and the tensing of his muscles in an attempt to ensure that you knew at least a few seconds before he was going to come. And he wasn’t quiet, the man’s breathing punctuated by gasps and grunts, quiet repetitions of “oh, fuck” and “shit” reaching your ears and putting a smile on your face, even though none of it changed your rhythm. 

He surprised you, though, his hips jerking upward and forcing more of himself into your mouth, your grip loosening as he hit the back of your throat. You gagged, pulling off of him with a surprised cough. Ow. He hadn’t done it on purpose, but Nick called out your name, both hands pushing against the bed as he struggled to sit up. “I didn’t mean t-” He looked worried, and you were quick to wave him off, hand still wrapped around him, your skin and his slick from your mouth.

“It happens.” You looked down and then back into his eyes, continuing to take steady, deep breaths. “You ok, Nick?” The apology still on the tip of his tongue, he nodded twice, lip curling when you dragged your thumb over his tip again. “Good.” Adjusting the position of your knees, you leaned forward, pressing your lips against the inside of one thigh. Before you got the chance to take him back into your mouth, Nick said your name quietly, one of his hands moving to cover the one you still had wrapped around him. “Hmm?”

He didn’t say anything, just tightened his hand over yours and nodded, urging you to move again with a single flex of his wrist. I can do that. The two of you worked together - the pressure of Nick’s hand guiding yours, the rest of him sliding against your tongue with every dip of your head. With him helping you, you knew it wouldn’t take him long to tip over the edge - and that was confirmed barely a minute later when Nick squeezed your hand, a long, low grunt following. 

“Gotta stop. Gotta stop unless you -” He hissed when you didn’t halt your movement, giving him a tiny shake of your head and twisting your wrist as much as you possibly could under his grip. “Shit. Shit, Cala… shit.” He was panting as you increased the speed of your mouth - continuing to work him over, tongue flat against the underside of him and flicking against every bit of skin it could reach. 

You wanted him to come - wanted him to fill your mouth, wanted to hear him say your name the same breathless way that had echoed in your mind in the months that you’d been apart. Only a few seconds later, you got your wish, his muscles tensing and then jerking beneath your touch, hips stuttering at the same time his grip on your hand tightened further. You squeezed his thigh, moaning as you got a taste of him. When you pulled back enough so that you could actually swallow, you felt him shudder again, the man saying your name with reverence as his hips continued to move. 

His hand fell away from yours and you confirmed with a quick glance upward that it moved to rest against his stomach. The man’s bent fingers twitched as you continued to suck, your lips sealed around him. Releasing him with a quiet pop, you took a breath, opening your eyes before you returned your mouth to his skin, tongue darting out to finish cleaning him up. But Nick didn’t let you, both of his hands rising and moving to your shoulders, fingers curling as he urged you back up toward the top of his body. 

You let him pull you, adjusting the position of your legs so that you didn’t accidentally hit him with either of your knees. When you finally got eyes on his face, you could see that he was smiling - the man’s expression totally relaxed for the first time in as long as you could remember. “Hey, you.” He spoke first, clearing his throat. “Get up here.” You did, stretching out on your side but leaning over so that you could nudge his nose with yours, eyes closing again before you pressed your lips to his mouth. Nick’s hands began to roam over your back, but both of you kept quiet, catching your breaths and steadying yourselves. 

Pulling away, you settled your head against the pillow and then bent one knee, lifting it and laying it over his leg. Nick’s hand dropped to your waist, urging you closer so that your entire front was pressed to his side, and for long moments, both of you just laid there, neither of you wanting to break the silence. But one of us has to. When the rise and fall of his chest was even, you cleared your throat quietly, the palm of your hand resting against his chest. “One of us has to get up and turn the light off.” You mumbled the words, eyes drooping shut. “Plug my phone in so the alarm goes off, too.” 

But still, you didn’t move, the steady beat of his heart beneath your palm lulling you to the edge of sleep. This is how it should be all the time. You had the thought before you could stop it, head turning enough so that you could kiss the front of his shoulder, but then Nick moved, the action forcing your eyes open and a sleepy “what?’ from your mouth. 

“Hey, it’s fine. Just stay here, alright?” He spoke quietly, rolling away from you before you could question it, and you racked one eye open, watching to see what he was doing. You followed his movement as he got out of bed, reaching down for his underwear and then heading into the bathroom. You knew that you’d have to get up, too, but you were exhausted, your body still recovering from what the two of you had just done. It hasn’t felt like this for me in … 

You dozed off, waking only when the mattress dipped, Nick leaning over to press a kiss to your cheek, the faint scent of mint reaching your nose. “Hmm?” 

“Do you want to get dressed, or -” He paused, fingertips moving slowly over your temple. “Or sleep like this? I’ll cover you up, and -”

“Wanna sleep with you.” You opened both eyes, head turned so that you could look up at him. “Like this.” He looked uncertain but didn’t tell you no, and when you reluctantly forced yourself into a sitting position, you sighed. “Let me go and…” You yawned, eyes squeezing shut as you covered your mouth with the back of one hand. “Will you be in this bed when I get back out here?” 

There was a long pause, but then he answered, voice hesitant. “Yes.”  When you opened your eyes and saw the look in his, you reached forward, thumb arcing over the line of his jaw slowly. Good. 

“Be right back.” Following his lead and picking up your shorts, you slipped them on before you stood, walking into the bathroom and speeding through your nighttime routine before flipping the main light switch off and heading back to the bed. He’d plugged your phone in, the tiny clock icon at the top letting you know that the alarm was set, but Nick was still sitting upright in the bed, bare-chested, though he had the blankets pooled on his lap. “What’s wrong?” 

“I missed you so much.” He looked up, a pained expression on his face. “And this just … made me remember how much.” Yeah, me too. You climbed in next to him, using both hands to turn his face toward yours. 

“That makes two of us.” Leaning in, you pressed your lips against his, letting them stay there for longer than you’d initially planned to. “We should sleep. Got a long drive tomorrow.” He didn’t argue, and when you both laid down, it was Nick that moved to wrap his arms around you first. He pulled your back against his chest and rested his chin on your shoulder, curling his body around yours under the blanket - the mirror image of the way things had been just before he’d left home years earlier. 

You were almost asleep when he spoke, breathing the words into your ear at the same time his arm tightened around your waist. “Love you.” It woke you up fully, the man freezing behind you, followed by the almost immediate loosening of his arm, a sure sign that he was about to tear himself away from you. No. No, you do not get to do this to yourself. You didn’t even think about it, turning your head toward him and clearing your throat.

“I love you too, Nick.” You sighed, scooting back enough so that you were pressed against him again, heart pounding as you nodded. “It’s ok.” He relaxed without replying, and as you felt his breaths even out again, you finally closed your eyes, too. It has to be.

What had happened that night probably hadn’t been the best idea, but both of you had needed it desperately, even if it was for very different reasons. Nick’s breaths lengthened, and when you were certain that he was sleeping, you allowed yourself to drift again, too. The last thought you had that night was about how difficult a position the two of you were in - and how much the earlier admissions by both of you had likely complicated things.

— 

 tag list coming separately ! 

[notahorseindisguise]

HELLO????? /SO POS

god i loved that btw. i owe you my life

(this ask is about my creepy eldritch horror story)

fun fact, that really was not a work of fiction. like, if it were i would happily admit it and take credit for being that creative *consciously*, but nope that was all my subconscious in my dreams when i was a child.

i had some really weird dreams when i was a kid, some of the scarier ones are just so impossible to put into words, to describe. i cant even picture them now.

one of them, i remember, was a huge maze. a maze of an impossible, cosmic scale. there was no sky. i dont mean it was covered, or that it was black, or white, or grey, or anything, i mean literally nothing was up. i didnt look up much. it hurt my eyes.

like most dreams, these ones didnt really have a beginning, or an end. i would just fall asleep, then open my eyes, and i was trapped. the sheer size making me feel insignificant.

i would go throw this huge maze. for whatever reason, the maze felt like it should've been really short. like, yeah, its big, but surely i can just walk through it in like. a couple hours at most, right?

i had no sense of time in there, but i know i spent years in the maze. time moved differently in that dream. obviously i would wake up and only a couple hours passed, but i know i spent years in there. at least 3 or 4 years every night, going down the wrong paths, backtracking, getting lost... i never got hungry, never got sick, never got tired; just got more and more insignificant, dwarfed by those huge walls.

most nights i was all alone. a couple times i found someone else, but then they would vanish. it happened in different ways each time. one time i found someone, i sat with her, and talked to her for a bit, before... i dont know how to explain it. but i stood up, turned around, and walked away. every part of my body screamed to go back, but i couldnt turn around, despite how lucid these dreams normally were.

id been alone in there for years it felt, and i had finally found someone else, and i just walked around 20 paces away. and then there was a noise, like something cutting through wind, and then i had control over myself again. turning around, the person was gone, and no trace of her ever existing was left. they all disappeared in different ways - one time i blinked and they were gone, one time i was walking up before i sort of, for want of a better word, "glitched" backwards a couple metres, and they were gone - but each time three things were the same.

there was this loss of control, where i couldnt move for myself

there was a rush of wind, not one i felt, but one i heard, like a thrown frisbee or something, that went as quickly as it came

i never saw what happened to them.

i aged in these dreams. it was the imagination of a child, so i dont think i aged like a normal person would age, but each painfully long night i would age a couple of years, getting older, stronger, more adjusted to the maze.

this dream, i dont know if im doing it justice, because it is so difficult to remember. i just remember the feeling of insignificance in the face of the huge maze.

im gonna try to stop explaining the scenery of the dream, and finish up this story with how the recurring dream finished up for me.

i was old. i don't know how old, but i know moving was a torture in and of itself. and this night, everything was different. i kept going, i kept pushing through the maze. i rounded a corner, and saw freedom. i saw my freedom. i started to run as fast as i could towards it, keeping close to the wall for support. lucky i did that because i did fall. and there i sat. directly opposite what i knew was the end of the maze. i sat there, staring at the exit, staring at my freedom, and i thought... thats fine. next time i have this dream ill finally see whats out there.

i never did though.

that night, someone found me. i dont know his name, i dont know anything about him. but he came up and he was standing right in front of me. i tried to tell him to turn around, but my throat closed up. i couldnt move. i couldnt point. and he just stood there until i realised he was talking. i heard him ask if i was ok, and all i could say was "y-yes."

this poor boy, he didnt know how close he was to his freedom. but i did. but i also saw the walls extending, growing, laughing at us as the exit disappeared, and then i realised there is no way i could ever leave this maze.

as the walls grew further, i felt whatever was stopping my talking let go, and i heard my own raspy voice say "turn around". he looked at me, puzzled, before he did so. only then did i realize my mistake.

he turned around. he started walking away. i felt more terror in that moment then i had felt in my entire life, but i couldnt scream. at least id finally find out what happened to the people i met.

the sky, the sky which wasnt a sky, the endless void above us which just by looking into i could tell was nothing and could never be something, the overseer of this unending maze... with a hand that did not exist, it reached down, and with a mouth that was not a mouth, it swallowed me. it did not reach down and it did not swallow me, but perhaps those are the closest approximations for whatever it did to me.

as i was lifted into the endless abyss, i saw it grinning, and swiveling my head, i saw the maze reflecting that same grin.

i dont know what happened to me up there.

i woke up, and i never had that dream again.

*****

i dont think this one is as scary as the other one when written down, but just the feeling of the mazes hugeness and my smallness... that was enough to heavily terrify me as a child, in a way i cant put into words.

thanks for reading!

[thecandywrites]

Zorroku and Peaches Part 7

And what many of you will recognize was this was originally part 4 of the old way I had this story divided up. But part three needed to be split into four parts and that last part was still so huge it should have been split into five. But I squeeked by with four. And this one too probably should have been split into two parts but I just wanted to get this rewrite redone rather quickly. So here is the new and improved part that is now part 7. Enjoy more of Zorroku's POV.

Oh and trigger warnings, depictions of infant death, in particular filicide. Just heads up.

Zorroku and Peaches

Part 7

After Zorroku had dropped his grandmother off at her tent, she gave him a small sack of incense and told him to put it into his fire tonight. And that it would kickstart the bonding process. 

He took it but instead of going to his tent, he came back to yours and simply sat outside of yours and listened. He silently wept as he could hear what songs you were singing to Ori. They were the same songs his mother had sang to him when he was little, with other songs he wasn’t familiar with but sounded beautiful and wonderful and so soothing. He appreciated that you had such a soft, soothing singing voice. It was gentle and warm, loving and caring with so much feeling. He used to think his mother’s voice was the most precious sound in the world. And then Medowne’s voice. Then Ori’s. And now yours. He would never get tired of this. He would never think for a moment that your voice, singing so softly would be anything but blissfully beautiful. 

 He could hear you cooing and bonding with her and how utterly happy Ori was. She had never been so happy before. The poor thing never did get to meet her mother. Ori had to be cut out of Medowne to keep from Ori dying with her mother. And it had been nothing but heartache and sorrow and pain ever since. And had you come at any other point, he would not have been ready to have you in his life because he was grieving so hard.

But something about moving to the summer grounds felt like he was getting a fresh new start and that maybe it was time for him to move on. And while his brothers had been much more eager to meet you than himself, the moment you came into that dining hall, you stole his heart away and he froze and just stared slack jawed at you like an idiot.

Thankfully he had recovered by the time you finally lifted your eyes. Your beautiful, shy, blue eyes. And now that you were here and had Ori, it was like you had always been here. That Ori was always supposed to be yours once Medowne passed. And while he hated that Ori had suffered her whole life so far, he felt confident that she would never have to suffer another moment. Because she had you and she had him and that’s all that they needed. She was cooing and laughing right back at you, better and louder and happier than she had ever done to him. And jealous was the farthest thing he could feel right now. It was pure relief and bliss.

He could hear his daughter’s big, bright smile in her coos and it warmed his heart and started to heal the hurt he had felt losing Medowne and struggling to care for her on his own when he felt so ill equipped and helpless to do so. He could clearly imagine the tender scene that was unfolding just on the other side of the tent wall. His prayers for a good and proper mother for Ori were answered this day. And he couldn’t have imagined ever asking for them to be answered in such style or with such perfection. 

When his grandmother- Jaseeneh had described the Black Wolf White Rock Clan and told them how to get there, she had nothing good to say about anyone there except for the one they were looking for and her family. That 'they were the only ones in the entire clan who had honor and integrity'.

She said that 'the Clan Chief and his family wore crowns of lies and appearances'. She told them that 'the Clan Chief was weak, selfish, greedy and power hungry and desperate to both keep everything he had, yet gain as much as possible. And his clan was among the dishonorable in orcdom. It was better than some, but much worse than their own'. His grandmother said 'they did business there solely to keep their own clan safe from their evil and greedy eyes and grabbing hands'. She said 'that clan was never worthy of you and your family and how you and your family came to be in that clan was a great injustice and that if it had not been for you and your family, they would have nothing to do with that clan at all'.

He couldn’t have imagined how you could be family found. Especially given his Grandmother's history, that he felt confident that he knew most of. But for you and your family to call such a clan your own or call a place home within it and not be disgusted with your life in it was a mystery. She had added that 'if they managed to liberate you and any of your family, that you would have an inheritance with her and her family and clan'. And that alone was why most of his brothers were interested. Because you were the proverbial, 'diamond in the rough' and an hieress, not knowing you had a large fortune just waiting for you to claim. And while she wouldn't show any of them any of it. His aunt Cilanthe said that an entire store room was full of nothing but future gifts for you and your family should you ever be free of that horrible clan. And that while his aunt was certain that you and your family were of no blood relation to anyone there, or to his own clan, family was still family. But that's all she could and had gathered because everyone else was extremely tight lipped about it. And now he understood why that was.

His grandmother had said that-' while you were a jewel in the crown of the Clan Chief, when he was not wearing you- to lord you over others only to use you to get what he wanted from others, you were locked up tightly. Inside high walls, looking out through tiny windows or at the sky above high walls'. She said 'that the setting to secure you in the crown was strong like solid iron. But that only the threat of a battle ax or warhammer would ever be strong enough to free you. But that if you could be free, you would protect both the wearer of the crown and his family who did not deserve such protection'- in her opinion anyway. She told them that 'the Clan Chieftess was proud, vindictive and hoarded her wealth and power and ruled through as much fear and guilt rather than respect and admiration'. And Zorroku couldn’t help but feel that she had been talking about his own adopted mother.

But his grandmother also said 'that if they could free you- that you would soon show the same protection towards your new wearer. But only if they could prove that you would not be threatened by harm, but respected and revered as the jewel you were'. And 'that your family were jewels without compare. And that while the crowns you were in were of lies. That the jewels you were- were true. And worth far more than could be comprehended'.  And he could only look back on today and realize how right she had been, about everything. 

When he had met Medowne. She was nothing like what he thought he would go for. But everything he needed. And the same thing was happening again. 

At first glance, you were nothing like what he imagined. For one you were human. But beyond that, there was so much more. You were tactful with your honesty. You were respectful, even when shown disrespect. Loyal, even when it appeared you were being abandoned. You were submissive, even to the orders that were harsh and unreasonable. You were kind and compassionate, even when you weren’t shown the kindness and compassion you deserved. You were protective of others, even when most doubted your ability to protect yourself.

And so generous, with everything you had. Either physically, even when you didn’t have a lot to be generous with. Or especially mentally and emotionally, which you had so much in those respects. And you hoarded nothing, not even very valuable intelligence. You didn’t play mind games or were manipulative or guilted anyone into anything. Even when you were scared, even when you were submitting to circumstances out of your control and forced to go into an unknown. Even when you had not known them or who they were or who they really were to you or who you really were to them. And you could only take a leap of faith and take them at their word. You sacrificed yourself to protect people who had demeaned you to the point of servitude and had given you up to save themselves. 

You were an utter and complete gift and you were still so humble that you didn’t think you were worth the trouble. 

And yet, here you were. In the tent he used to share with Medowne, in the same bathtub he had commissioned for her. With a lot of the same furnishings surrounding you. He could only hope they made you happy and help you feel at home. And that they were all yours, totally and completely. Tomorrow, he would be dropping off Medowne’s old wardrobe to Lazgar to have refitted for you. He was adamant that you would dress comfortably, and if at all possible- better than his new “aunt” Bula and her family ever did. 

Once you were out of the bath, he could hear you travel through the tent and see your shadows on the tent walls. He had to fight every instinct he had- to not come back into that tent. His instincts were to show you a “proper” Thunder Herd Clan welcome and also tuck you into bed. But the temptation to do so with him in your bed was too much for him to bear.

So he sat still and watched. So much had happened today. He didn’t want to overwhelm you, or risk scaring you off, not when Ori was so happy. He could not think of himself and his own selfish needs right now. He only needed to think about Ori’s. If you would have him, then you would make that choice, just like you had with Ori. But you had to take it of your own, not pressured, or guilted or anything. But with all freeness. 

So he just watched as once you got Ori dressed for bed and put a nightgown on yourself. He watched as you went around the tent and put out the lanterns while also throwing extra logs onto the fire but closing the lids so that the light wasn’t so bright and waited until he could hear Ori and yourself fall asleep. 

He prayed on the other side of the tent wall where the sacred sculptures were and prayed for your sleep to be blessed. To only have good dreams from now on. And for your generosity and compassion and kindness that you showed to others, especially Ori- return to you a hundredfold. And that if the gods would bless his relationship with you, he would love you, respect you, praise you, dignify you and satisfy you to the best of his desire and ability. And that if the gods did not wish for him to be your mate in life, for himself to find peace and contentment in that decision. But that for them to guide you for the best possible suitor for yourself. And then he thanked them for all that they had done, in helping you finally come here, and save his daughter’s life.

He made sure to hear that you were asleep before he tied the tent flap closed on the outside too. But that once you would wake up. You could easily untie it from the inside and get out but that it would be impossible for anyone to get into that tent without you first letting them in. 

He went to his tent and put the incense on his own firepit and barely had gotten undressed before an intense sleepiness clouded his head and he collapsed in bed. 

He awoke in his dream to see you dancing next to a fire. His brothers and friends and cousins were around, hooting and hollering as you and other female dancers danced around the flames. His eyes would not leave you for anything. The fire made your hair look like more flames, the cream of your skin was a sharp contrast to the gorgeous sunset all around you and maybe it was his imagination but it was as if your eyes glowed blue. 

Then he heard Ori cooing before you broke away from the dancers to go and get her. You easily smiled brightly and cooed at her before you brought her back over around the flames, making sure nothing either of you were wearing would ever be at risk of catching fire. Your movements simplified because you were holding her but the rhythm stayed the same. Your hips still struck those beats like the two orcish women on dancing drums were striking their feet against the drums. Every time you came around the fire closer to him, you would smile and have Ori waive at him. 

And he couldn’t help but get up and join you. He felt like it was so long since he last danced. But the rhythm was hypnotic and when his body joined yours around the flames, suddenly you were both dancing together and with Ori. And as much fun as that was, to feel your body move with his to the music was making him feel love drunk and yet the movements came so naturally to him. He could smell the scent of the soap you used, the shampoo and conditioner and the hair oils over the scent of smoke from the fire. And even the way your body reacted to the perfume you were wearing, taking something common yet making extraordinary because it was on you. 

The feel of your sweat on the parts of your body that were exposed seemed to help your body stick to his. Then you laid your head back on his chest as move his arms around you, under Ori to help hold her up but also to keep you close as your entire backside seemed to be glued to his front. And he was both embarrassed yet proud his cock was hard and pressing along the cleft of your ass. And it only breathed his lust for you to burn brighter in his body and mind while his love for you consumed him completely. It just felt so good. He was almost deliciously overwhelmed with feelings and urges that he never thought would ever awaken in him again.

The song seemed to fade and you turned in his embrace and stood on tip toe as his head ducked down and met your kiss. And just as he deepened it, the feel of the hot flames of the fire next to him seemed to fade before you smiled and took his hand and led him away. He stared at the way your hair had seemed to become living rose gold, as the flicker of the flames danced in the shine of your curls. Then after only a few steps he was in his marriage tent.

He happily held Ori as you stripped out of your clothes and took Ori back before you undressed her and got into the bathtub and it seemed to be an unspoken command that he got out of his own clothes and stepped into the hot water and laid down before you sat down in his lap with Ori still on you. 

Now that all three of you were in the bath, Ori wasted no time and was happily nursing again. She was so chunky now. So happy and healthy. Her long lashes and dark curly hair, a beautiful contrast to her intense blue skin. You laid back against him as the two of you watched as Ori ate her second supper. 

“Thank you.” He whispered before he kissed your cheek and held you both fast against him. 

“Thank you.” You murmured back as you kissed his cheek in turn before turned his head and reached up to gently caress your face but keep your head turned to kiss you more. The kiss started off soft and sweet but quickly morphed to passionate and hungry. Ori finished with one breast and cooed before you broke the kiss to turn your attention back to her to move her from one breast to the other before you turned in his lap, bringing your knees up to help cradle her in your lap as he cradled you in his. And now that you were turned, he could kiss you again, a lot easier and much more comfortably. 

Ori’s excited kicks to his chest seemed to make you both smile and laugh into the kiss. But it seemed Ori just wanted to get the last of her energy out by using his other peck that you weren’t laying against, as a jumping board for a little bit before her kicks stopped. You both looked down to see her fast asleep and using your breast as her pillow. She was still smiling in her sleep and he helped you quickly wash her and then massage some more oils into her skin before he helped pull the bassinet closer to the bathtub to help put her in it and wrap her in a warm towel before you gently laid her in it and once she was safe and secure, you turned yet again, this time straddling his waist and sunk down over his cock that had been straining up between his legs under you. 

You both moaned when you sank down onto him. The feeling of your wet heat enveloping him as if his cock was always meant to find it’s rightful place in your pussy was such a divine feeling. You eventually rode his cock so intensely that the water was splashing out of the tub and Ori’s bassinet had to be pushed far enough back that water wouldn’t get into her bassinet. Otherwise he didn’t care at all about any mess the two of you were making because you were kissing him passionately and your soft but strong body was pressed against his. Your breasts were leaking milk and making the water cloudy. Your skin was slippery yet silky and his hands were on your hips, moving them over his own. His fingertips digging into the soft, supple flesh of your hips and that glorious ass of yours. 

“Zushku, I’m so close.” You whimpered softly when his mouth moved from yours to leave a trail of hot, open mouthed kisses down your neck and to your chest before he grabbed one lusciously plump breast into his mouth to get a taste of that sweet, rich milk of yours that was fattening up his daughter so well and turning her from sick, to the epitome of health. 

“Almost there Bella.” He growled before he flipped you around in the tub and had you lay back against the back of the tub and got a towel and pushed it to the bottom of the tub for his knees as he held you in his arms to keep you joined and then once you were laying back and he was on his knees, he held your hips tightly and started pistoning his strokes into you. Your breasts jiggled and your belly bounced before you pulled yourself up and wrapped your arms around his neck and shoulders as he sat back so you’d be in his lap better but continued his onslaught as his arms wrapped possessively around you. 

“Zushku!” You whimpered and keened before Ori stirred before he playfully bit down at the crux of your neck and shoulder causing you to gasp then sigh. 

“Shh, you’ll wake the baby.” He whispered into your ear. 

“Especially while you try to give me another one.” You purred in his ear before you bit down onto his ear, aligning your eyeteeth with his piercings and he could feel your teeth touch and that pleasured pain was so sexy and only drove him harder. He started fucking you so hard, he feared all the water was about to be on the floor around the tub. 

“Zushku!” You moaned and keened as your fingernails clawed at his back and shoulders before you bit down at the crux of his neck and shoulder to silence your pleasured cry of release. Your legs had already wrapped around his waist and now your whole body shivered and shuddered as inwardly your pussy fluttered and constricted around him and milked him and with one last thrust of himself in- he let his seed plant itself as deep into your womb as possible. 

He barely registered the dream changing to suddenly it was morning and he was waking up with you in his arms and Ori in yours, getting her breakfast as he was spooning you and with a crack of his eye opening- he could see Ori at your breast, he had no idea how old she was but she had doubled in size and was at least a month or two older. 

“Good morning Daddy.” You cooed before you grinded your ass into his morning wood. 

“Good morning Mama.” He practically purred as he buried his face into your hair and shoulder and took a deep breath in of your glorious scent. 

“I had the most amazing dream last night.” You prompted. 

“Mmm?” He hummed curiously. 

“I had a dream the baby was a boy. Blue skin like his father, red hair like his mother. Very cute, popular with all the girls.” You giggled before he reached around you and could feel the seed he had just planted already taken root and growing and the swell was larger than his hand. 

“I’m sure he will be. You’ve had dreams it’s a boy ever since we found out you were with child. In fact it was the dreams that tipped you off that you were pregnant in the first place.” He murmured proudly as his heart swelled with pride and any fears he had normally felt when Medowne was with child, were no longer felt. Like he was sure that you were going to bring this baby to term happily and in full health. 

“Maybe it’s a sign we’re having one, what about you?” You posed. 

“I just keep having dreams about my gorgeous wife.” He smiled. 

“Can’t escape me?” You teased with a bright smile. 

“You were never something to escape from. Escape to? Always.” He reassured you. 

“Aww, thank you.” You cooed before you turned your head to kiss him softly. 

“But you haven’t had any dreams about the new baby yet?” You pressed. 

“Not yet. I’m sure I will. Honestly, I don’t care either way. A son would be a gift. Another daughter, a blessing. A happy, healthy wife? Always the goal.” He reassured you as he hugged you tight then relaxed and just happily watched Ori eat, still half asleep herself. Her chubby cheeks and cute little nose and her gorgeously long eyelashes and thicker, dark curly hair- she was so cute. The cutest baby girl he had ever seen and she was his. And her mother the most strikingly beautiful woman he had ever known and even though all Ori did was nurse from you- he couldn’t help but see the similarities between you and her as he wondered if your milk was helping her become more and more yours by the day.  

“Well I know how you can make me happier.” You hinted with another grind against his morning wood. 

“Well whatever Mama wants, Mama gets.” He immediately answered as he reached under the covers to untie the draw string of his pajama bottoms and pull up the short nighty you were wearing and shoved your underwear down and with a few teasing strokes of his fingers as you mewled and arched into his touch as you were already sopping wet in anticipation. 

“How long have you been awake and wanting me?” He asked as he readily wiped your essence on himself and guided his cock into you as you crossed your ankles and hooked your feet behind his knees for traction and stabilization. 

“For at least an hour. Ori has been a very slow eater this morning but I didn’t want to wake you, you’ve had your hands full lately.” You answered. 

“I’ve told you, when you need me, you wake me up, damn the time.” He urged you as he hiked his hips up and finally sheathed himself into you as your essences gushed around him. 

“Oh you poor thing, you should have woken me up sooner.” He rumbled, both happy that his wife desired him so much, she was literally gushing in her essences for him to be joined to her, yet sorry that you waited so long. 

“Next time I will.” You insisted as you gently rocked back into him and met him thrust for thrust as his hands began to massage your neck, shoulders and back and your moans of pleasure were music to his ears. 

“Gods you’re too good to me.” You sighed happily. 

“No such thing, there is nothing that is too good for you.” He rumbled as he kissed your shoulder and your neck and tried to turn your head. 

“Morning breath?” You winced as you hesitated in kissing him. 

“Has it ever bothered me?” He asked. 

“Well you haven’t said anything…” 

“Because it doesn’t bother me. Does mine bother you?” He asked. 

“No.” You shook your head. 

“Then kiss me.” He urged before you turned your head and reached back to kiss him over your shoulder. 

“How did you get so good at that?” You wondered as you stared lovingly at him.

“It has everything to do with who I’m kissing.” He answered before he sped up the pace and reached around you to your mound to tap and rub at your nub with now practiced ease and in what felt like a small eternity yet almost instantaneous, you came in a shuddering keen as your body did that adorable little shudder and with just a few more strokes, he was emptying his seed into you. 

“I’m sorry I’m so insatiable.” You apologized. 

“Oh hush. No such thing. If my brothers can bed multiple bedroom servants a day, I can do the same with my beautiful, wonderful and amazing wife.” He reassured you. 

“I just don’t want to wear you out.” You murmured worriedly. 

“Nope. I’m fully rested and rejuvenated. You can try your best to wear me out in any way you want to.” He volunteered with a happy smile. 

“Even if it’s taking me all the way up the mountain in the fall?” You asked. 

“Oh yeah, you’re gonna love it. It’s worth it. I just hope the horses don’t spook and take you for more of a ride than you want to take. Lazzare should be done with your pregnancy saddle by then so it’ll feel like you’re in a pillow the whole way up.” He reassured you as he used his own pajamas to clean up the mess he made just as Ori was done nursing and seemed to wake up for the day and started cooing and jabbering at him as she got up and crawled over to him, her big, wide smile showing off her tiny little tusks and the beginnings of her baby teeth starting to come through. 

“My saddle that I have now is fine.” You countered as you rolled onto your back as he took the soiled pajama pants and tossed them over to the laundry hamper. 

“No, trust me. It’s fine for a quick ride for an hour or two. But after five or six, it’s gonna be hard. And especially when pregnant women have to stop frequently to pee anyway. Having a special sponge right there on the saddle there to soak it up so you don’t have to stop will be a blessing.” He assured you. 

“So it’s not weird?” You asked. 

“Nope, not at all.” He reassured you as he got Ori from you as he sat her down on his chest so she could play with his face, in particular his braids and beads and tusks. 

“At first it will feel weird. But once you get used to it, it’s nothing. And you’re going to love the caves. They’re gorgeous and because of all the salt, it’s all really clean too. The smelliest things in those caves are the mammoths that they keep in the larger natural caverns like we keep the horses in corralls. But otherwise, everything is very clean, neat and organized. Now granted, keeping all the animals with us will be hard. Because they’ll need frequent trips to the waste cavern. But otherwise, they’ll be fine.” He said as he eyed a red wolf that was nearby and sleeping on a dog bed next to the bed with its packmates. 

He helped you get dressed and Ori get dressed. 

“She’s grown out of her clothes again, this barely fits her.” You reminded him as you tried to push Ori’s chubby arms through the sleeves of a top before you gave up and tried another one that was now too big on her but you’d rather they be too big than too small. 

“Ok. We’ll get her more.” He readily said as you grabbed a stack of fabric and he grabbed a few handfuls of one of the huge chests of money the two of you had as you put all the clothes that were that size away into another trunk with all of her other clothes she had grown out of so that a future daughter could wear them some day. You dropped the fabrics and the money off at Lazgar’s to get new clothes made for her as she measured Ori, and smiled when Ori was finally the right size for her age and even just a bit bigger than usual. 

Once the two of you were done there, you went to Arob who was happy to see you both. 

“Everything ok?” She asked. 

“Yes, just curious about the baby. I keep having dreams that it’s a boy but Zorroku isn’t having anything either way. Are they far enough along that you can tell?” You asked hopefully. 

“Well I can try.” She said before she had you lay down as he took Ori from you before she cast a special spell to show your womb and enlarge the babies there and both of you gasped softly when you saw two there. One on each side of the womb and each with it’s own placenta so that they wouldn’t wrap around each other and risk hurting each other. But they were side by side and looked like they were playing through the walls of their placenta. 

“Well congratulations, they’re twins!” Arob cheered happily before she moved the angle down. 

“Peaches, you are not having just a boy,” Arob began with a scheming grin. 

“Oh.” You frowned. 

“You’re having two boys. They’re both boys. Both pregnancies are very stable. Both are very healthy and in about seven months, you’ll have a son at each breast.” Arob announced as you gasped and started laughing. 

“You’re right to have dreams about boys. But you need to pay attention to see exactly how many boys are in the dream. So, what names are you thinking about?” She asked excitedly. 

“Well before it was a toss up between Zunli and Urzu, but I think we get to have both, now it’s a matter of deciding who is who.” You answered happily as you reached out and held his hand tightly. 

“Are you sure she’s going to be ok? Carrying one child is already hard enough, will she be ok carrying two?” He felt the need to ask as he was feeling both excited yet anxious about it. 

“Yes, she’s fine. She’ll carry them both to full term and she and they will get through the birth just fine. We have Miss Kisska and me and all the others. She’ll have an over abundance of midwives to choose from to help her through the birth. And we should be back here by the time she does go into labor.” Arob assured him. 

“But still, we can’t be too careful right?” He asked. 

“Zushku, I’m grown, I don’t need you babying me. I’ll be fine.” You reassured him. 

“But…” He still contested. 

“Zorroushku, I’ll be ok. You haven’t left my side since we found out I was pregnant. I doubt I’ll be doing anything dangerous enough to put the babies at risk.” You reminded him as Arob snickered at the tone you were using and the fact that you were using his full name. 

“Maybe we should geld Jasper.” Zorroku began. 

“Don’t you dare. He’s perfectly tame the way he is. I want more horses just like him and the whole herd practically parts for me every time I approach any of them. Every animal in the clan knows I’m with child and they are always extra cautious. The same way they are around every other woman also seems to be with child too. I’ll be fine. It’s going to be ok.” You shook your head no. 

“I know you’re scared and anxious because of your past. But she is not Medowne. And these boys are not the other babies Medowne tried to bear. Just because you were unfortunate enough to lose her and her other babes, doesn’t mean you’ll suffer the same misfortune again. Look for yourself. The babies are good sized, they’re healthy, they’re in separate placentas, which is always the safest for twins. Her womb is large enough and strong enough to bear them easily and to full term. Her hips are wide and strong and the delivery won’t be too much on her. Don’t let worry or anxiousness steal your joy about this. Trust your wife and her body and heart and soul and mind. Especially about this. If she says she’ll be fine. I have every faith that she will be. Have the same faith.” His grandmother urged him. 

And then all too soon he was helping you up onto Jasper, with your pregnancy saddle. 

“Ooh, this is really nice.” You praised as you tested the cushions and then let go of the little tie to let your womanhood rest on the special sponge there. 

“See? Told you.” He smiled proudly before he double checked the rest of the saddle. 

“You buck her off, you’re dinner.” He threatened Jasper who snorted indignantly in response.  

“He doesn’t mean that Jasper. He just wants you to be the same wonderful steed you’ve always been. I know you’ll be wonderful for me as always.” You cooed to Jasper as you reached out over Ori who was in a special mother’s riding sling on your chest and your own pregnant belly to pet Jasper on the neck as Jasper looked back at you as he nuzzled your leg with his nose then promptly walked over to the last tall grasses to get some last minute fresh grass. 

Zorroku got on his own horse and made sure all of his belongings had been packed as the tent was being taken down as servants were getting everything prepared to travel before he noticed griffins also wearing packs were led over to you and their leads were put onto Jasper’s saddle as pet mountain lions with collars were laying in the dark shade with that wolf pack again, except for the red wolf who was sitting next to where Jasper was standing. 

In only another moment, he was riding up the familiar trail to the Blizzard Mountain Clan city in the mountains with you in front of him on the trail as the wolves and mountain lions were off trail, hunting some game while also providing protection for all of you as they ran around the forrest to make sure no other predators tried to prey on the livestock. Then he heard you make a sick groaning moan. 

“You ok?” He asked. 

“The twins are either playing really roughly with each other or are fighting their first battle with each other for space. They haven’t stopped since we got on the trail. I think my guts and ribs and pelvis have bruises. And Ori keeps jerking her head with every sound and is taking my tit in her mouth with her. It’s one or the other Ori, you can’t nurse while also swiveling your head around to look at everything. Mommy’s boobs are big but not that big.” You gently chided Ori between wrapping your free arm around your belly and when the trail allowed for it, he got next to you to see your belly moving wildly. It was very clear to his careful and watchful eye that the twins were in fact either playing very roughly or fighting, even when you had your belly wrapped just for the ride. 

“I think they’re unhappy with the wrap, did you wrap it too tightly?” He asked. 

“I may have.” You answered before he reached over and untied it and took it off before the boys settled down a bit and you sighed in relief. 

“Better?” He asked as he put it into a saddle bag. 

“Better, thank you.” You thanked him. 

And suddenly he was joining you in your dream that you were having of the Mountain Blizzard Clan’s fortress in the mountains. It was carved out of the pink salt deposits. He was just so happy and content that you were happy and content as he helped you learn the layout and not get lost.

The whole mountain range had been tunneled out and you could move freely in the mountains and from one to another through a series of tunnels and there was a huge city underground, safe from the super cold mountain temperatures outside, especially in the winter. And because of all the smoke from all the fires, heating the tunnels, the tops of the mountains looked like smoking volcanoes to anyone looking from the outside in which helped to keep most others away. But for the Mountain Blizzard clan and the other clans that called this mountain range home. It was all just one big, mechanical wonder since each mountain seemed to have several deposits of either salt or marble or semiprecious and precious stones and thanks to hot springs and cold springs, it all had working plumbing too as pipes of copper bored through salt deposits so no one would get sick from drinking salt laden water.

And he couldn’t be happier to show you off as his wife to anyone and everyone around. Of course, to see you do the same thing and show him off as your husband was just as wonderful. He was never more proud of that fact and to practically brag that not only had he put “a bun in the oven” already but had put 2 in there was always received with congratulations and well wishes from all who heard it. And as your belly progressed, he happily would stand behind you and gently reach his hands under your belly and lift his sons while they were in utero to give your body a break from the pressure of carrying them as they got bigger and heavier.

But before he could get very far, he woke up back in his bed with nothing but a huge mess in his lap. He didn’t think his balls could hold this much seed in them. It was as if they had exploded several times over and he almost hated to waste it because his mind and heart and instincts were practically screaming at him that such precious seed needed to be planted in the proper “field”. But for future seed to hopefully be planted there, he was content to let this seed to go to waste. Someday. Hopefully soon. He could only hope that you had good dreams and woken up or would wake up in peace this morning. 

Meanwhile you woke up refreshed and invigorated and nursed Ori again. Ori woke up briefly and was happy to get her diaper changed the moment you smelled sulfer and knew she was passing Grat's milk and you didn't want that practically poisoned mess on her skin. Ori got to nurse again after her diaper change and then promptly fell back asleep once her tummy was full again. 

You just couldn’t believe that the day before really was a reality. It all wasn’t a dream. You really were a free woman with a daughter of your own with more suitors than you knew what to do with. Which, granted, you knew exactly what you wanted to do with most of them and also knew what you wanted to do even more with the only one that remained in your mind and heart. Even after only a day. He had made the best possible impression and even without your dreams and without Ori- you were more and more drawn to him with every passing moment. However, Ori seemed to really seal the dreams even when you could pass the dreams off as fantasies.

But still, those dreams last night had you waking up with the happiest smile on your lips as you cuddled with your daughter this morning. Who, even after just a few nursing sessions, was looking better already. Maybe it was wishful thinking but her cheeks looked just a bit chubbier now. And she seemed to have just a little more fat to her skinny limbs. Her skin was still the softest baby skin you had ever felt in your life. You were pretty sure it was from the almost ridiculously fine bathing supplies that had been used on her. Her hair was even just a bit thicker and little longer too as her once previous thin lashes seemed even just a bit fuller and longer too. She was such a precious little baby. She was so cute, even when she was so little and so sick. But hopefully yesterday was the sickest she would ever be. You could tell by the early morning light you could see streaming in from the mesh at the top of the tent that it should still be early enough for everyone to still be sleeping.

But you had a plan. There was a river close by and when you had taken a look into it yesterday, it was teaming with fish and hopefully- your prize, crawfish. Which were tiny little fresh water lobsters. You were pretty sure you had enough chili peppers to make pepper water to boil them in. And you wanted to serve them to Yotul as soon as you could and it was still early enough in the morning that they could easily be caught. 

So once Ori was done nursing and fell back asleep, you bundled her up. But you could only shake your head slightly when she had no less than a dozen different fursuits herself. Of every fine fur there was. Most babies were lucky to get one and it was usually a cheap fur because babies were babies and made messes and you needed a cheap fur to keep them warm yet easy to clean and if need be, cheap to replace. She had so many baby clothes period. You were spoiled for choice of what to put her in. She even had silk diapers. Most babies had cotton diapers, usually flannel ones because flannel was very soft. 

But no, Ori had silk diapers. Nicer silk than Bula usually wore in her dresses. And Zushku, wait, no, Zorroku, his name was Zorroku or Zorroushku. You had to remember that and not call him by a name he had not given you permission to call him by. But her father put her in silk. Everything was silk or the the softest cotton or cotton blends. Even velvet! She had velvet clothes! You figured she was her daddy’s little princess but not quite like this. She even had jewelry. She had more jewelry than both of Grecko’s wives combined! Had they raided goblins? Or the fae? Because this jewelry was meant for very small sized people.

And then the thought that maybe he had gotten all of this for her, expecting to bury her at any moment and wanted her to be buried with the same love and care and honor and glory that he most likely buried her mother with. That made the most sense. You wondered if you could ever talk about it with him. 

But for now, you needed to get her dressed and yourself dressed and wade into that river to get crawfish. You emptied a large basket out and stuffed a big pillow in there and rolled up one of her blankets around the edge so that Ori wouldn’t hurt herself on the harsh insides of the basket. And then you bundled her up in a blanket and then put on one of her fursuits so she’d still be plenty warm as she continued to sleep in the basket.

You untied your tent flap from the inside and brought it down only to see a second one up that you did not remember putting up. But it was tied in such a way from the outside that no one should have been able to get it open from the outside. 

“Zushku.” You grinned when you realized he must have come back after he dropped his grandmother off and tied this closed for your safety while you were in the bath and didn’t hear him but didn’t want to alarm you that you were naked or perhaps vulnerable and interrupt you bonding with Ori. This was such a small, simple but powerful and thoughtful gesture.

You pulled the single cord and the knot came undone and the outside tent flap fell away as you stepped out and put Ori in her basket on the ground so you could retie the outer one, putting it into your favorite knot before you curiously walked over to Zorroku’s tent to see the same exact knot that had been on your tent flap on his own tent flap’s tie while his brothers’ ties were different. But you took the ends of the cord and tied it in the same knot you had just tied for your own tent flap. Hopefully he would see it and know it was you saying thank you as you could only hope he had good dreams last night too and blew the tent a kiss as you picked up Ori’s basket and walked away. 

You got a big bucket from the kitchen and went to the river that was close by within sight of the rest of the village. You packed your knife for protection just in case. And for Razor, you let him fly free to get used to the area. You left Ori on the riverbank in a large basket. Just in case you slipped and fell into the cold water, she would not get wet or worse- risk drowning. 

You took your skirt and made shorts out of your skirt so you could wade into the deeper water, ignoring the cuts and scrapes and bruises on your legs from falling out of that pine tree yesterday. You used the bright morning light to catch the crawfish. Your own blessings helped you see them very quickly and easily. Which you would have been able to do without the blessings since this river was practically crawling in them. In just an hours you caught over a hundred of them. You could set traps for them and catch them all the time. But as you hunted and caught the crawfish, soon, several crows flew in and sat in the trees above you, greeting you with their loud ‘hi!’ and ‘hello!’s.

“Shh! You’ll wake up Ori. I’ll get to you in a minute.” You told them and they obeyed as you focused on the crawfish.

Meanwhile Zorroku had woken up when you blew that kiss to him, feeling like he was kissing you in his dreams one moment and then waking up to find himself kissing air. He went to open the tent flap and found a double bow knot as he realized you must be awake, enough to know that he must have been the one to close the outer tent flap for you and you came back to his to leave this as a message.

Hopefully you took it as the protection measure it was and not as a sign that he or anyone else was trying to trap you here. He left and found the exact same knot in the ties of your tent and with a gentle tug, he undid it and found your tent empty. The candles blown out, the lingering scent of burnt incence still in the air and the bathwater now cold. But the bed was made. So he left and retied the knot and went looking for you. You weren’t in the kitchen tent and no one else’s tent tie was different.

You said you would look in the river for a little thing you called a little lobster. You were probably at the river and when he saw you, your skirts tied up to your hips, and the way the skirt was bunched made your hips look bigger and your breasts still had trouble fitting in your top but that pinch of a waist was still so sexy and you were in water up to your upper thighs and reaching into the water and pulling things out and walking over to where a bucket was submerged to drop them in and then go looking again. He saw another basket on the shoreline and figured Ori was in it and hastily walked over to you. 

“Good morning,” Zorroku greeted you as he seemed to appear out of thin air on the riverbank just as you got a crawfish in each hand but he startled you and you jumped and screamed. Before the blessings could kick in to save you from any perceived threat, you slipped on the river rocks. You let go of the crawfish in your hands as they went flying through the air behind you and fell into the water backwards. Razor dove from flying high above you and Razor’s scream woke up Ori who started crying. Zorroku was completely torn about who to go to first as you floundered in the water before you found your footing and stood back up, drenched and freezing cold, coughing and sputtering as Zorroku was trying his hardest not to laugh as he got his daughter out of her basket and onto his shoulder and waded out to you.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, I just wanted to see how you were doing with Ori.” He apologized as he was near tears from trying not to laugh.

“It’s ok, Glashnarrah said you guys slept in late, I thought I would have things to myself this early in the morning. It’s ok, you can laugh, I can’t imagine how hilarious that just looked.” You chuckled yourself before he finally burst into the deep belly laugh he wanted to.

“Oh gods, it was so funny. Your legs just went above your head as your whole body went crazy for a minute. I really am sorry, I don’t mean to scare you, I really don’t.” Zorroku apologized profusely as Ori was still crying and reaching for you despite Zorroku’s best efforts to get her to stop.

“Baby, I am sopping wet. I can’t hold you, I’m sorry, I don’t want you to get wet either.” You tried to explain to her as you nuzzled your face next to hers to get her to stop crying which worked.

“So I take it the bug looking things in the bucket are the little lobsters?” Zorroku guessed with a grimace as he looked at them and shuddered since you had put a rock into the bucket along with water to keep it partially submerged in the water with you.

“They are,, they're name is crawfish. Real lobsters are about this big.” You nodded as you grestured to show how big their salt water cousins usually were before you suddenly saw movement in the river.

“Oh my gods!” You gasped in excitement and clapped your hands a little.   

“What?” Zorroku asked as he scanned the riverbanks for threats but didn’t see any.

“Oh I found a monster catfish! And since I’m already wet, I’m gonna catch him, get back on shore, and bring this with you please.” You bid him as you pointed to the bucket before you stalked across the river. 

Your blessings illuminated your prey in your field of vision as you could clearly see the monster of a catfish that was in a borough in the river before you looked along the banks and there were several as all of them seemed to glow in your field of vision. Oh hopefully Yotul and the rest of her family would like how you made catfish, especially Zorroku. 

Zorroku hesitantly obeyed you, but he watched you curiously as you stalked over to a hole in the river bank as you got down on your knees, the water came up to your breasts. You pulled out your very trusted blade in your free hand and raised it in the air, ready to use it. You thrust in your arm and cheered when the catfish bit down on your arm and you grabbed it’s throat from the inside and pulled it out, stabbing it in the head as hard as you could to kill it or at least stun it enough you could finish killing it on shore. Then you pulled it close to yourself since it was actually just as big as yourself. 

Zorroku just watched slack jawed as you wrestled with it before you stood up, carrying more than your body weight in a huge fish he had no idea was even there. He was now terrified to even put his feet into that river if such a monster as that was hiding under the bank of it.  You carried its dying and still wriggling body over to him with the  brightest happiest smile on your face that was as beautiful as the morning light was. 

“What the fuck is that thing?” He asked as he watched as the dying thing was still trying to topple you as you carried it across the river to the shore and was impressed as much as he was in awe yet slightly terrified of anything like that ever touching him. He waded in this river, naked on hot days and such a monster would see his pecker and bite it off thinking it was a worm!  

“This is a catfish! You see it’s whiskers?” You asked. 

“Yeah.” Zorroku nodded. 

“Cats have whiskers, this fish has whiskers, thus the name catfish.” You explained before you got it a safe space from the river bank so it wouldn’t flop back into the river and gut it with your knife right then and there. 

“You know, the more I think about it, Peaches is a pretty fitting nickname for you- because you’re sweet when you want to be but you’re a poisonous killer when you want to be too. Damn.” Zorroku praised and that got you to laugh and smile.

“Yeah, I guess I am.” You chuckled as you pulled the guts out and dropped the guts into the large bucket for the crawfish to eat on before you rinsed your arms and the knife off in the river again.

“And there’s…” You began as you took your knife and counted all the others who you could see up and down the river. 

“34 more.” You finished counting them. 

“I had always heard there were monsters in the river, I just never imagined they would be so close, or so big.” Zorroku realized. 

“How can you see them so well…wait, do your spite blessings show them to you?” He asked as you laughed again. 

“Spite blessings, I like that. That’s a very good term for them. Yes. This big guy felt like a tiny minnow in my hand when I was killing him. But these guys burrow into the mud during the winter and it’s spring so they just came out of their winter borrows and are feeding again. If the clan wanted to, you could catch them all and cook them up and have a fish fry large enough for the whole clan if you wanted to.” You revealed. 

“Well let's see how this one tastes and then we’ll see about eating the others. Little kids swim in that river. One of these guys could eat them whole if they wanted to.” Zorroku realized. 

“Nah, their throats aren’t that big and they don’t really have sharp teeth. Now a baby like Ori’s size? Oh yeah, no problem. But I doubt any mother is letting a baby Ori’s size into the water by themselves.” You waived off as you showed him the head and the throat and jaws as Zorroku just held Ori just a bit tighter. She stared in astonishment at the fish before you made sure your knife was put away. 

“Ok, now I’m done.” You announced as you got up let your wet skirts go back down around your legs and picked up the fish since Zorroku had his hands full with Ori and the bucket as you got the fish and the basket Ori had been laying in. 

Zorroku tried not to look into the bucket while Ori was on his other shoulder. While you held the fish by the gills over one shoulder like a ruck sack while you carried the basket in your other hand. Then all the crows and Razor came and the crows squeezed into the basket while Razor took up your other shoulder as they greeted you good morning again as you greeted each one by name again. 

“Are they all from Shuzug?” Zorroku asked thoughtfully as he nodded to the crows.

“Most of them, yes, I can’t imagine the foolishness they’ll contain today.” You shook your head and rolled your eyes but chuckled and smiled nonetheless. Then you just shivered and your teeth started clattering before Zorroku put his cloak over your shoulders after you took the fish off and Razor hopped off so the cloak would stay on your shoulders before he got back on once it was securely around you.

“Thanks,” you thanked him graciously even though it only covered your back and sides, your front was still open and exposed to the winds and you were pretty sure your nipples were now so hard and sharp they could cut the fabric of your dress all by themselves. 

“You’re welcome. So how did last night go?” Zorroku asked hopefully. 

“It went fine, she happily took a bath and I gave her a gentle massage to help her get sleepy and then once she nursed, she was out like a candle. And thanks to for tying that extra tent flap so securely, we weren’t disturbed once.” You answered as he ducked his head and smiled bashfully but guiltily all the same. 

“I don’t want you to feel like you’re being trapped here.” He began. 

“I don’t feel that way. Honestly it was a very sweet and kind gesture and it helped me realize just how safe I was last night. You’re more than welcome to do that from now on. I’ll sleep much better knowing that I won’t have any unexpected or unwanted visitors. I take it you saw my thank you.” You offered. 

“I did. I hoped it was a thank you and not a ‘do it again and I’ll tie your braids around your neck like a nuse’ warning.” Zorroku admitted as you laughed again. 

“No, never.” You reassured him. 

“So did you sleep at all or were you too worried about her to sleep?” You asked thoughtfully as you nodded over to Ori since your hands were full. 

“No, I slept just fine actually, because for the first time in her life, I wasn’t worried about her.” He answered. 

“Oh good.” You smiled in relief. 

“So could I ask you a few questions about Ori’s things?” You asked him hopefully. 

“Sure.” He nodded. 

“Why does Ori have silk diapers?” You asked him. 

“Because the cotton ones gave her a rash.” He answered. 

“Like she’s allergic to cotton- kind of a rash or her diaper didn’t get changed often enough and her mess stayed on her skin so long it gave her a rash?” You asked. 

“Uh, honestly, I don’t know the difference.” Zorroku answered. 

“She’s wearing cotton right now, I need to change her clothes immediately if she’s actually allergic to cotton.” You insisted before dropped the catfish and the crawfish off at the kitchen quickly before you went back to your tent to put Razor and the crows on the perch. You gave Zorroku back his cloak but he just hung it up on a cloak hanger now that he and Ori were in your tent where the coals in the fire pits kept the tent much warmer than it was outside. You got one of her silk blankets out and immediately undressed Ori to check her skin. 

“I don’t see where she’s broken out because of the cotton touching her. Was it the soap that she was allergic to? Cause some of the soaps used to wash dirty diapers is really harsh. Maybe when and if Kisska comes here, I’ll get gentle skin diaper soap from her.” You asked as you knelt on the floor next to the bed and went through her other stack of diapers and clothes to find silk ones. 

“Oh, I already have that. I put it in your washroom.” He said as he pointed to where it was in your tent. 

“So does she have really sensitive skin?” You asked. 

“Honestly since she was born so early, I only use the gentlest soaps for her clothes and the softest fabrics. Cause her skin was so thin when she was born. It was practically see through when she was born. She was covered in soft fur too. I thought Medowne had been part werewolf or something.” Zorroku answered. 

“Oh my gods, it’s a wonder she’s alive at all. She was born with lanugo?” You asked as your tone showed your horrified shock. 

“What’s lanugo?” He asked. 

“Only babies who are born too soon and come premature have lanugo. It's like a downy soft fur that will cover the skin. I learned it from Kisska. She says it’s really common for humans and other smooth skinned species to be born with hair but still be fully human or orc or whatever. It's something that babies lose in utero before they're born on time.” You answered. 

“Poor Orianna.” You cooed to Ori as you got her dressed in a satin dress that was silky smooth. 

“Has she had the rash on and off, like every time she wears cotton she breaks out or what was the trigger?” You asked thoughtfully.

“Honestly, it was always in the morning after Grat had had her all night.” Zorroku revealed as he switched to Ragesh as you breathed out a breath of relief and nodded in understanding. 

“Ok, if that is how she got it, then it wasn't that she was allergic to cotton. Grat probably didn’t change her diaper when she made a mess in it. You said Grat didn’t love her as her own and I believe it and don’t doubt that for a moment. It would make sense that Grat would do the bare minimum for Ori. Grat admitted to Rek when I started nursing her that she was grateful for it because Ori got on her nerves for being so fussy. She may not have an allergy to cotton at all. Being born premature, her skin is most likely still quite sensitive even with the lanugo now gone. And especially if she nursed from Grat and did have an allergy to onions. Having sulfur in the onions in the milk both in her belly and on her bottom in her mess, probably made the skin of her bottom have a rash even more than usual. Because most babies get diaper rash. Because her insides were probably in a similar state from her allergy to onions. So hopefully once we get all that onion milk she got from Grat out of her completely, and I change her diaper as soon as she makes a mess, she won’t have a problem with a rash anymore.” You sat down on your lower legs and breathed in relief to figure that out as Zorroku nodded in agreement as you kept your reply to Ragesh too just in case anyone was awake and overhearing your conversation because it seemed that none of Yotul's full blooded children spoke Ragesh. Only Zorroku and his full blooded siblings.

“Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.” Zorroku admitted as he sat in the chair next to the bed. 

“You poor baby. The things you’ve suffered all your life.” You cooed to Ori as you got her redressed and made sure that nothing would irritate her delicate skin. 

“Is her failure to thrive- why you have enough clothes and especially jewelry for her because you felt like you were going to bury her at any moment?” You asked thoughtfully before Zorroku’s head lowered as his cheeks got a darker midnight blue but he nodded in confirmation. 

"Medowne died before she could fully push Ori out, she just had gotten Ori's head out and that's all she could do. So Ori had to be cut out of her mother to be saved from dying with her. And of course, by the time we could get Ori out of her mother. And it was everything Kisska could do to not let Ori die with her mother then. And ever since, she's just...she's never been quite right physically. I have no idea how she really is mentally because of it. But I actually had waited to Medowne for a few days, just in case Ori needed to be buried with her." Zorroku admitted.

“I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine the weight of that burden on you. I’ve…” Your voice broke as your eyes misted with tears. 

“A baby’s coffin is always the heaviest in the world. And I'm sure a mate's coffin is no different. Sadly I’ve had to bury too many. And I will do everything in my power to make sure that Ori is never one of them.” You whispered as you wiped your tears away as they started to fall before you picked Ori up and handed her back to Zorroku. 

“Did one of Bula’s children or grandchildren needed to be buried as infants?” Zorroku asked thoughtfully. 

“No. Thankfully Bula and her family have not had to deal with that loss. But I know it too well.” You breathed. 

“How?” Zorroku asked as he had you sit down in the chair next to him. 

“How Bula’s oldest two sons died is they were invited to another clan’s stronghold for an alliance meeting with a clan I never hope anyone here will ever have any dealings with.” You began. 

“Which clan?” He asked. 

“Nightmare Mamoth.” You answered as his eyes went wide, that was one of the worst clan in all of orcdom. Usually if a clan member was truly dishonorable, they could find a place in that clan. That clan didn’t farm, didn’t trade, only pillaged and plundered and destroyed everything they touched that wasn't precious things. 

“Oh no.” Zorroku breathed in horror. 

“When Khagra and his eldest sons arrived, they were invited to attend a birth that was in progress. It was from a bedroom slave and she was chained to the bed like an animal. And when she gave birth to a girl, she begged for mercy since that clan thought that baby girls were seen as an insult to honor. The Clan Chief of the clan had no Clan Chieftess. Only female slaves in his harem to give him sons. Any slave that gave him a girl was immediately executed, unless she had given him a son, then she was allowed to live, but only to ensure the care of her son, while her daughter was executed at birth. When that poor girl who was skin and bones and a pregnant belly- gave birth to her daughter. The Clan Chief killed his own daughter by smushing her head flat to a table with his own palm. Because he had the audacity to be insulted and embarrassed by her birth. And then he took his fist and smashed the slave’s head in too before he handed the dead newborn to another to cook up to feed the other pregnant slaves, hoping that since it was a baby girl, that it would make sure that they were carrying baby boys. But Khagra, and Myles, and Bullard, did their best to back out and get the hell out of there. But not before trying to free every slave they could. Myles and Bullard were killed trying to free the others. Khagra only made it back with the few baby girls he could carry in his arms. All of them died before he could make it home. Because the trip to get them home was long and they had already been left outside in the elements like garbage. Which is a “kindness” the Clan Chief allowed the mothers of sons to have.” You revealed lowly. 

“That’s horrible. Did you think we were like that?” Zorroku asked, horrified and appalled by this. He knew that clan was horrible, he had no idea it was that horrible though. 

“I didn’t know. But that’s why Yar immediately put himself on his quest, because he didn’t want to lose any more brothers or his own father. But the longer he’s on it, the more it twists his thinking. And it makes me fear that Yar will turn out just like the horrible monsters and waste of orc flesh that those clans who killed his brothers were.” You added. 

“When Khagra got back, with four dead baby girls in his arms, all of them newborns. Burying those baby girls was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life and thankfully Bula and her family helped me. And for Bula to not have bodies to bury for her own sons was really hard too. And that’s why Khagra never goes anywhere to make alliances. And it’s why everyone comes to him instead. Because he would at least have the protection of the rest of his clan if things got ugly. And in that disaster, he was almost fatally wounded, but wounded bad enough to give him pain and troubles for the rest of his life. He can’t bear the weight of a battle ax or a broadsword anymore or wield a warhammer or ride into battle like he used to either. That’s why he agreed to let me go. To save himself and the rest of his family. Because he didn’t know the truth about you or anyone in your family or your clan either. And I was just a servant to him after all. I was expendable.” You revealed as Zorroku had never been more digusted in his life.

“I am so sorry, if I had known, we would have approached you and Khagra’s clan differently. We would have brought Yotul and my sisters and sisters in law with us so you didn’t see just my father and all my brothers and me and think that we were the same way.” Zorroku apologized profusely as tears flooded his eyes as the news wounded him. 

“Zushku, it’s ok. It’s fine. I’m so happy and relieved things turned out the way they did. Honestly, if you had brought Yotul with you, Khagra would still never have let me go. Because he would have realized there wasn’t the threat he thought it was. And he may still never let the rest of my family go. And I would have woken up today no different than I did yesterday. And Ori would still be in the same position today that she was in the day before yesterday, and maybe even worse than she already is. Your grandmother Arob believed I was meant to be here for a reason. And that reason is in your arms. And I’m perfectly happy and content with that. And the fact that your dad was holding and playing and being affectionate with his daughters and granddaughters was all the reassurance I needed that you and this clan was nothing like any other. I have yet to meet a woman here who doesn’t want to be here or is here against her will, myself included.” You reassured him. 

“You sure?” Zorroku asked. 

“I’m sure.” You nodded with a confident grin.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get changed out of these wet clothes.” You assured him. 

“Oh, yeah, sorry, uh, I’ll get out and let you get dressed. Um, yeah, feel free to call me Zushku all you want. I love that nickname.” He reassured you as he awkwardly as his cheeks flushed even darker as he got up and seemed to stutter and stammer as his body seemed to do the same before you took him by the arm, put his cloak back onto him and gently ushered him out as he awkwardly held Ori and her blankets over him to hide the immediate erection he got when you used that name on him. 

And despite his balls not having had the chance to give their seed to anyone, they were already aching again to give it to you, and to see you all wet and your clothes clinging to you only made him want you even more. And then to see you kill a monster sized fish as if it was a tiny minnow and carry it like it hardly weighed anything turned him on even more. Because the thought of going on a courting hunt with you had him itching to get his hunting clothes and gear out and ready. Because the first time you hunted together was like witnessing a goddess wielding her powers and performing miracles. He never stopped being in utter awe of you since the first time he tasted your cooking. And then to meet you in person just blew him away and he just felt he needed to prove himself to you and his intentions and assure you and reassure you that you would never have to fear or be afraid of anything or anyone as long as he drew breath.

“I’ll only be a moment Zushku.” You reassured him before you closed the tent flap and eagerly stripped out of your clothes and washed the river water off of yourself and then you changed into sadly the very last dress you owned. But it was so tight you could barely breathe, it was a dress you had made the year before last. It made your cleavage look bigger even before you got blessed by Arob and now it just looked ridiculous on you. You looked in the mirror and were alarmed by how you looked in it. 

“Shit.” You cursed under your breath. You couldn’t wear the dress you wore last night today because that would make it look like you spent the night in a tent other than your own but you didn’t even want to leave your own tent looking like this. This dress hugged your upper body and hips like crazy. Your breasts practically touched your chin now they were so pushed up. You were barely able to tuck your nipples into the top of the dress only all of your breasts were practically exposed except for the nipples. You looked like a whore. At least in your opinion.

“Shit, shit, shit, fuck.” You continued to curse and you heard Zorroku snort a laugh.

“Is everything ok in there?” He asked.

“No, I mean yes, I mean...that’s a complicated answer right now.” You answered as you blushed as you tried to find your summer cloak or look to see if you were given any more clothes last night other than the fabrics. And you found none. 

It was going to be a hot day and you didn’t want to roast inside Zorroku’s cloak or even the heavy cloak you got given and once you got your summer cloak out, it wouldn’t fucking stay closed and just accentuated your cleavage even more and you found yourself growling in frustration to yourself.

“Ok what’s going on? Is there a way I can help?” Zorroku asked because he didn’t mean to but he was getting even harder just hearing you growling. He couldn’t help but imagine your wet naked body in your tent and wanting to warm you up the old fashioned way.  

“Can you get Glasha up and tell her to come to me please?” You requested and he just went over one tent and woke his sister up by easily untying the tie and stepping in afterknocking the knocker against the pole that was next to the door like a doorbell. 

“Hey, Peaches needs you. Right now.” Zorroku said as she woke up and glared at him for waking her up so early and she grumbled as she came out of her tent in her pajamas and went to yours.

“Peaches?” Glasha asked.

“Yeah, hang on.” You requested as you came and hid behind the tent flap to let her in.

“What in the wor...OH MY GODS WOW!!” Glasha exclaimed when you shut the tent flap and tied it closed.

“Shhhh!!!! Not so loud! Ok I have a situation. I only own three dresses ok? I was in the river this morning and fell and that’s why it’s sopping wet and hung up over here. And I can’t wear the one I wore yesterday because that’ll make it look like I spent the night in any other place except my tent and I don’t want to deal with that drama so all I have left is this and because of what your grandmother did to my boobs, I look like a whore in this dress, I can not leave my tent looking like this.” You tried to hush her but she was just standing there rocking with laughter.

“I hate you, so much right now.” You grumbled sarcastically as you tried not to laugh yourself.

“Oh I think you should definitely strut around in that today, it’ll solve all your problems.” Glasha continued to laugh.

“No! It won’t! It’ll be like asking all of your brothers and every other orc in this village to rape me, no, I can not.” You hissed quietly.

“No, they won’t.” Glasha tried to reassure you.

“Really?” You said disbelievingly.

“Well how else are you going to go to the seamstress to get new dresses?” Glasha argued.

“Can she come here?” You asked hopefully.

“No, she’s bed bound, everyone goes to her.” Glasha informed you.

“Ffuuuuuuck me.” You whimpered.

“You know in that dress I kinda want to.” Glasha teased.

“My point exactly! Fuck, you know what? Fuck it. I’ll just wear my dress from yesterday. The rumors that will come with that dress are better than the conclusions this one has when I wear it.” You decided.

“It’s not that bad!” Glasha offered.

“Really? You want to test that?” You said as you grabbed her hand and walked her over to the tent flap again and ripped it open to reveal Zorroku, Yalak, Grushnag and Muranag and Nar on the other side eavesdropping as they suddenly stared slack jawed at you, all four of them very clearly showing their hard ons suddenly tenting their pants.

“See?!” You practically screeched to Glasha as you ripped them back closed as she just fell to her knees and then the floor and rolled with laughter because the looks on her brother’s faces was priceless. You just dissolved into a string of curses in every language you knew, especially your own mother tongue.

“Wow, she is..feisty, I love it.” Yalak noted under his breath as he and his brothers went back to eavesdropping as they all just nodded dumbly back. You had been- a vision. Like the epitome of sexy and they totally wanted to see you like that again. Holy shit they had thought your breasts had gotten huge last night, now they were practically coming out of your dress to greet them.

“What the hell is going on?” Yotul demanded sleepily as she found herself standing outside your tent in her pajamas and her cloak watching her sons eavesdrop with clear irritation.

“Uh...” All her sons stuttered as they looked at each other before she just huffed and came into the tent to see you trying to get out of your dress but struggling.

“Sorry to wake you up, I have a problem.” You whimpered as you gestured to yourself.

“Wow, Honey, I would pay a hundred gold pieces to have a dress do to my body what that one is doing to yours.” Yotul chuckled before she gently kicked at Glasha’s side.

“Get up, you’re not helping.” Yotul chided her.

“Yeah except, you are The Clan Chieftess and no one would assume the things about you that they would assume about me if they saw me in this.” You tried to counter as you tried to wriggle out of it but just managed to pull your boobs out as they swayed and jiggled as you tried to peel the rest of it off of you.

“And what would they assume?” Yotul asked in curious amusement.

“Oh just that I’m a whore who sucks cock and drinks cum for every meal if I don’t get every hole on my body stuffed so full of so much cum my belly distends like I’m pregnant every gods forsaken fifteen minutes.” You complained as she came over to help you out of your dress. You heard some strangled snickers just outside your tent door before the ravens all started cawing ‘BIG BOOBS!’ ‘BELLA BIG BOOBS!’ before you heard even more strangled snickering laughter from the entrance to your tent.

“And you all can go away! You’re not helping! Go find a tree to piss on! Or I’m going to escort her back to the Black Wolf White Rock Clan myself as soon as I get her out of this!” Yotul yelled at her sons angrily who all quickly scattered.

“We would never think that of you though Peaches!” Nar offered as he ran away as you just buried your face into your palms and shook your head.

“Thank you Nar.” You offered in a defeated huff in his direction before she finally got you out of that dress and you bent over and had to breathe, the seams of the dress imprinting on your body already.

“Not that I want you to go, because I don’t, I adore you, I want you to stay. But they really don’t want you to go so I’m going to use that against them to get them to behave.” Yotul reassured you softly.

“Thanks. I totally understand, Bula does that all the time to Shuzug too.” You returned.

“Fuck, how did you squeeze into this to begin with?” Yotul asked as she held up the dress and looked at you comparing the dress to you.

“Power of will, I think. I didn’t want to wear this dress because I didn’t want anyone to think I slept in anyone else’s tent other than my own and I was hunting those crawfish. And that river out there is crawling with them. Which is awesome. But that was just after sunrise. And Zorroku was just being a concerned father and came to check on Ori, but we weren’t in here, we were at the river. And I had her safely tucked into a basket on the bank just in case I slipped and fell into the water. And Zorroku found us there and all he did was greet me, very nicely, very respectfully but I was not expecting anyone to be awake that early in the morning. And so I spooked, screamed, slipped on the river rocks, went flying backwards and landed right in the river and flirted with drowning as it tried to carry my flailing body downstream. The poor crawfish I had had in my hands went flying upstream somewhere and I lost them. And it was, understandably, very funny,” You giggled as Yotul and Glasha roared with laughter at the story, both of them sitting down on your bed and holding their sides.  

“So since I only have three dresses, this one, that one and that one, I was hoping that one wouldn’t be as indecent and immodest as it was and the moment I finally squeezed into it I went… ‘no, fuck no’ and so here we are.” You explained as you got redressed in your dress from last night.

“Ok, well just let me get dressed and get some breakfast in us. And we’ll go to the seamstress and get you dresses that will fit however you want them to.” Yotul offered before she looked at all the crows sharing a perch with Razor.

“More messages from home?” She asked.

“Most of them are from your nephew, Shuzug and I can’t imagine the foolishness they contain. You can get them and read them yourself if you want, I don’t mind, you are family after all.” You offered as you continued to get dressed as she took you up on your offer and went over and got the messages off the legs of the crows before reading them herself and cracking up laughing again.

“How old is he again?” Yotul asked.

“Ten, how he’s managed to survive that long, I don’t know,” you answered her.

“Well apparently he managed to find some wolf pups, there’s a red one he’ll be training for you because it’s reddish fur reminds him of you.” Yotul repeated.

“Great.” You sarcastically quipped which got Glasha and Yotul to snicker a laugh. 

“Just what I’ve always wanted!” You added in the most sarcastic way you could and it got Yotul and Glasha to bark a laugh at that before Yotul got the other ones.

“Oh this is from my sister!” Yotul realized when one of the birds was carrying a different message in a different writing and was signed in her name.

“And what does Bula say?” You asked. 

“She wants to know how you know that it’s really me. Can I reply back to this?” She asked hopefully. 

“Please do.” You invited her before she quickly got your pen and wrote down her response. 

“I’m inviting them to come to us as soon as they can, I can’t wait to see her again. And she will hopefully recognize me. And I'm insisting they bring the rest of your family too." Yotul smiled happily as she wrote down that response. 

You finished getting dressed and quickly wrote your responses on the other messages back of the messages themselves, before loading them up and sending the crows home. Suddenly there were screams heard from the kitchen tent as all three of you bolted for the kitchen.  

“Oh gods what now?” Yotul growled before the three of you entered the kitchen tent to find all the girls huddled together across from the catfish and the crawfish.

“It moved! The fish moved! It’s supposed to be dead!” One of them cried.

“And the bucket is full of bugs! Huge ugly bugs!” Another wailed.

“Oh calm yourselves, a lot of fish do that.” Yotul reprimanded as she came over to inspect both.

“Wow Peaches, you did good. How did you catch this?” Yotul asked as she gestured to the fish, usually fish that needed big hooks and heavy line to get caught.

“With my hands, they don’t really have ‘teeth’ so to speak, you just find their dens in the water and stick your arm in and they bite your arm and you grab their throats and guts from the inside and then pull them out and stab them in the head.” You shrugged as you illustrated that as the other girls gasped in horror watching you demonstrate that.

“That’s my girl.” Yotul smiled proudly as she gave you a side hug.

“And these must be crawfish. You’re right! Little lobsters! Who would have thought we had them. How similar are they in taste to the real thing?” She asked as she picked one up and inspected it, using her experience with real lobsters to do so- so she wouldn’t get pinched by their pincers.

“Half way between shrimp and lobster but sweeter because they’re smaller.” You answered.

“I want it all for breakfast. I’ll help you skin this because I doubt they know how.” Yotul offered as she got a special set of pliers and a very sharp knife.

“Thank you.” You thanked her as you got your own knives and nailed it to the counter with one before you cut a ring around the head and tried to take off some of the skin from the flesh, just enough that she could grab it with the pliers and she got it and ripped the skin away as the others just continued to watch on in slightly horrified shock that their mother could do such a thing.

“Woo! You got it Mom! Look at you go!” You offered as you gave her a high five and she laughed and returned it.

“I like that, you can keep calling me that all you want.” Yotul invited and you both shared a bright smile.

“Want to filet it too?” You offered.

“How about you do one side and I’ll do the other, I haven’t filet-ed a fish in forever.” Yotul said as as you got the fish to lay on the side and showed her how you filet fish. Which was incidentally how Bula and her mother showed you how to filet fish. That seemed to jog her memory. Once you finished you took the filet off and trimmed every bit of even slightly yellowish flesh off as she came and flipped the fish over and filet-ed it on the other side with surprising ease and smiling happily to herself as she removed it with ease before she did what you did and trimmed it of the fat and yellow flesh too.

“Oh this is going to be delicious, ok, let me get dressed for the day. I’m looking forward to seeing how you make all this.” She bid you as you nodded and got to work as the other girls slowly came forward to watch you curiously as they tried to make their own breakfasts for the rest of the family as you got the other large pot and filled it with a bunch of chili peppers. 

Then you, out of habit, went to the garden part to fetch more. But you stopped dead in your tracks when you found a fully fledged and formed garden just outside the kitchen tent. Everything you had planted the night before had grown into fully formed and fully fledged maturity! Even the peach trees had grown and bloomed overnight! They were half the size of full grown trees but still, they were blooming and even little peaches had started to form already. You couldn’t help but cry to see it all. It was all so beautiful to you.

“Everything ok?” Glasha asked as she found her way next to you.

“What the hell was in that water?” You asked as you laughed through your tears as you wiped them away.  

“Grandma Arob blessed the water herself. It’s the same water she used to find you to show your glorious future with us. And it’s the water she told us to use to water the garden so that the sting of missing home would lesson every day.” Glasha explained softly as she put her arm around your shoulders affectionately. You returned her side hug by wrapping your arm around her waist.  

“It’s a miracle, it’s...wonderful.” You praised as you went ahead and started harvesting some of the already ripe peppers and other ingredients. You noticed the other girls go ahead and come out and start harvesting from the garden too. As if this had always been here. But they steered clear of the peppers as you went ahead and got those yourself for the crawfish water. And once that was boiling and cooking you helped them slice the slabs of bacon and showed them how to fry it and sliced the hams into steaks and fried those in the bacon grease. And then you fried the eggs in the bacon grease too before they saved it once they were done.

Once everything was set, you sat next to Yotul but Zorroku was still on the other side of you with Ori to keep both her and himself close to you. You had sliced the big filets of catfish into smaller pieces so everyone in the family could have a taste of the fried catfish. That was the first item to get eaten up. The whole family practically moaned as they all devoured that first. As Crowthu insisted that the rest of the fish be caught and prepared for dinner either that night or another night soon because it was very good. Then Yotul and yourself began working on the heap of crawfish and the stew that had cooked overnight using the bones that the whole family enjoyed. They curiously eyed Yotul and yourself as the two of you ate the crawfish. Now that they were cooked and turned to a brilliant red, they looked a bit more appetizing.

“Ok, how do you eat this?” Crowthu asked as he carefully picked one up before Yotul and yourself gave him step by step instructions on how to eat it before others in the family gingerly took one and followed the same instructions. 

“Now you don’t have to eat the head, it’s an acquired taste.” You told him before he tried it after eating the tail and quite liked the tail meat before he tried sucking the head and quickly spit it out into his waste bucket and made a disgusted face before downing wine to get the taste out of his mouth.

“No, that’s not a taste I will be acquiring.” Crowthu shook his head before he got the tiny bit of claw meat from the claws before getting another one and saved the heads for Yotul to eat. Which she didn’t mind, at all, she loved it in fact. This was the closest taste of home she had had in a very long time and she was thoroughly enjoying and savoring it. If anyone had told her this would have been happening last night she would have scoffed and argued with that. But now, she was embracing you joining the family harder than anyone.

“Yeah ok, it looks like a bug but it tastes really good.” Glasha admitted as she tried it and loved it too. 

“I don’t know Dad, I kinda like the taste of the head.” Zorroku admitted from the other side of you with Ori nestled between you in her special little chair to help her sit at the table as Zorroku tried them too and really liked them too.  

After breakfast and after nursing, all the women in the family escorted you to the seamstress with all the fabric that was gifted you including the very fine fabric for your wedding dress that Yotul had kept in her tent specifically for you. She had actually kept specific fabrics for all of her daughters in law and she carried that fabric herself while everyone else got armfulls of your other fabrics. You had asked Yotul how much money to bring to pay the seamstress but she insisted that you didn’t need to pay anything at all, that her and Crowthu were covering the expense themselves since you were their daughter and it was their honor and privilege to pay for your needs. 

But unbeknownst to you, Zorroku had already dropped off all of Medowne’s clothes to the seamstress so that she could take them in to fit you since that would take her less time than making clothing from scratch and that the extra material could be used to make more clothes for Ori so that both of you matched since he and Medowne already had a lot of matching outfits. When Medowne had died, he had buried her in her wedding dress but Arob had discouraged him from burying her with much else. And that he would need the other clothes for Ori’s mother soon. And while he hadn’t wanted to believe her. Now he was grateful for it and he managed to get out of the seamstresses hut without you seeing him, but only followed by Nar and the twins who also dropped off their feminine fabrics so that clothes could be made for you too. While Yalak requested for Grat to see what you were drawn to so that he could commission the best outfit for you that you would like best. 

“Lazgar, meet my new daughter, Bella or Peaches as we’ve come to know her. She’s our Marfu from the Black Wolf White Rock Clan. Who has the great honor of marrying whichever of my sons she wants. And she will be needing new dresses and outfits, make sure they reflect that status. And here is the fabric for her wedding dress as well.” Yotul ordered as Glasha immediately recognized the trunk her late sister in law Medowne had kept her clothes in and immediately knew what her brother Zorroku was up to and couldn’t stop grinning when she saw the note that was with them. 

“Hello, it’s a pleasure to meet you Lady Lazgar.” You offered respectfully with a small bow of your head to her. You held your pile of fabrics in your arms with Ori still in her sling on your chest. Then you set them down next to her on her spot in front of her work table as she blinked in surprise but smiled at you.

Then she spoke to Yotul in Pregu before Yotul answered and you were getting a little better at figuring out what they’re saying, something about ‘you being polite and respectful and how in the world did you manage a place in their household’. Then Arob joined in and began singing your praises so to speak which got Lazgar’s eyebrows to rise in surprise even more as she looked you up and down again. You ran your fingers through Ori’s hair affectionately as she took her second morning nap on your chest. Her milk drunk smile- still adorable as ever. Even the others noted how it had seemed to fill in overnight as the others smiled adoringly to see Ori so happy for the first time in her life as even her complexion had improved overnight too. 

Lazgar, Arob and Yotul kept talking. And you had not wanted to be rude and interrupt them. So that left you happily hold Ori and sway in place to keep her asleep. Lazgar, Arob and Yotul smiled serenely and proudly at you and between their conversation, watched you slip into the role of mother so effortlessly and so well with Ori. 

“Come, I’ll fit you for your dresses, I take it you’ll need nursing dresses.” Lazgar assumed, switching back to the common tongue after their conversation finished. 

“Yes, and if I could get them modest please, like I want my breasts mostly covered when I’m not nursing.” You requested.

“Show me.” Lazgar said as she handed you a small piece of cloth as Glasha took Ori so you could tuck it in how you had the towel tucked in last night at dinner. 

“Well I guess a little won’t hurt.” You figured as you tucked a tiny bit down to show just a tasteful little peek but definitely not to the degree your current dress was showing them off.

“You are blessed with beautiful tits and you want them so covered?” Lazgar asked in shock.

“Well I don’t like being looked at like a piece of meat.” You tried to gently counter.

“Oh but Honey, that’s the way to go around here. We flaunt what we got. It’s better than to be looked at than ignored.” Lazgar urged.

“She has a brilliant mind, she doesn’t want to be reduced to a pretty thing to look at. She’s to be the next Warchieftess because surely any son she marries, if he is not one, he will be made one soon. She needs to be respected and revered.” Arob pointed out.

“She can have both.” Lazgar argued.

“Just make the damn dresses and outfits how she wants. She is no slave to your will or mine. If she’s happy and comfortable she will wear them with pride instead of trying to hide herself like she has since she’s gotten here. Until she feels she owns herself and her destiny, which she does, she’s still new to all this, how can we expect her to be warchieftess and lead our clan if she has no control even in these things? If she wants to be covered from head to toe, let her be so, also make her proper riding outfits, I’d imagine she’ll need a lot of support to make sure her boobs don’t bounce off when the horses trot.” Yotul ordered in Pregu and that seemed to be the final word on that.

“Ok, so show me how you want the dresses and outfits.” Lazgar caved and you gave Yotul and Arob the most beautiful and grateful smile. Because you knew it was because of them that Lazgar was caving. You went through and ordered very pretty yet comfortable and modest dresses and outfits and even requesting that any extra fabric be used to make Ori dresses big enough to grow into. You were downright delighted that women around here often wore pants a lot instead of nothing but dresses all the time.

 And when you were done, you went to her husband, Lazzare, who was the village’s saddler and fit you for a saddle too.

“I don’t have a horse...” You began as you sat down on the children’s saddle since that fit you better than the average one did before there was a snickering laugh among everyone else.

“Yet, you’ll be getting at least a dozen very soon.” Yotul informed you.

“A dozen?!” You repeated, your own face showing surprise.

“One from each son, one from me, one from Crowthu and one from Arob plus whoever you choose, if he has a wife already, his wife will get you one too. It’s a Thunder Herd Clan tradition. I have over four dozen myself. One for each pregnancy, plus an extra one for each son I have given Crowthu and I get them for anniversaries or whenever we make out good with a raid and or battle. Trust me, chances are you’ll have more than that by the time you get to be my age.” Yotul explained without a trace of jealousy or resentment at all.

“Oh, wow, ok.” You nodded in understanding as you finished getting fitted for a saddle and took Ori back who woke up and wanted to be held by you again. 

“And I’d imagine you’d be getting a herd of cows pretty soon, and pigs.” Arob added as you walked back through the village as you noticed others in the village were looking at you curiously and fondly.

“I would prefer if we actually bought them or traded for them rather than steal them though.” You murmured quietly to Arob.

“Then say that to the boys.” Arob gently urged you before you changed the subject.

“So how many horses do I get if I give twin boys?” You asked almost teasingly to Arob which got her to laugh.

“Hey Yotul, how many horses will she get if she gave you twin boys as grandsons?” Arob asked.

“Ooh, at least another dozen, at least six from your husband and at least six from Crowthu and I, why? Do twins run in your family?” She asked.

“Yeah...” You answered with a nervous laugh. “I’m a twin, all my siblings are twins, it runs on both sides of my family.” You answered.

“Aww!” They all awed at you as you came back to the family’s main tent to relax and nurse the babies before you would have to make lunch before the crows returned again.

“Ok this is getting ridiculous and out of hand.” You grumbled as you paused and brought them back into your tent to see what messages they were carrying before you got the message back from Bula.

“Oh fuck.” You breathed before you took the message and hunted down Crowthu.

“Hey, uh, I really need to talk to you, um, privately.” You told him nervously.

“Yes daughter?” He answered as you got to a private corner.

“Hey so I asked Yotul if she would be ok with me telling Bula, Clan Chief Khagra’s wife, your wife’s sister about Yotul and finding her and about the fact that your children by Yotul and Bula’s kids are first cousins. And she said yes so I did and then she sent messages of her own too. Which I should have probably cleared with you first and I’m sorry I didn’t. Anyway and so that was this morning, and the crows returned just now with this message.” You nervously explained before you handed him the message which he read curiously before he snorted a laugh.

“So I’m actually brothers in law with Clan Chief Khagra and his family wants to come and visit as soon as possible. That’s fine with me. I’ll let everyone know. Tell them they’re welcome to come. They hosted us hospitably, we’ll return the favor, plus it’ll lower the tensions. I don’t mind one bit.” Crowthu returned calmly with a gentle smile.

“Oh thank the gods.” You blew out in relief.

“And you can call me Dad, don’t bother with that Chief, or Lord business.” Crowthu invited.

“Could I have a hug then?” You returned.

“Yeah,” Crowthu chuckled as he opened his arms and hugged you tightly as you hugged back.

“I want you to feel as well as know you’re welcome here Peaches, if there’s anything I can do to help, let me know ok?” He offered softly before he kissed the crown of your head affectionately.

“I will, thanks Dad.” You returned as you smiled to yourself, feeling more at home now than you had before.

“So what happened this morning at the river? Did I hear you scream this morning?” Crowthu asked as he felt you start to let go before he let go.

“Oh my gods, ok so let me tell you a story...” You began as you went through the story again as Crowthu laughed so hard he was crying and barely breathing since you were so animated and gesturing wildly complete with sound effects as you went through the whole morning.

“Oh you poor thing, you just can’t catch a break.” Crowthu wiped the tears from his eyes.

“You know, that’s just the way things are with me, I have come to accept it.” You shrugged. “Ok, I gotta go show this to Mom and then I’ll write back and we’ll just… try to prepare as much as we can, I can’t imagine the craziness that will ensue cause it’ll be one hell of a family reunion.” You chuckled.

“Yeah it will be.” Crowthu nodded before you left and found Yotul and showed her the message. And then told her that her husband agreed to it. She literally squealed and jumped up and down while hugging you in excitement. 

Suddenly she was barking orders and really orchestrating things as you quickly wrote back and sent the crows back before you started taking lessons from Yotul on how to really take charge of the whole clan like she did. You were used to running things in a kitchen. But this was a whole new level of delegating and organizing that you found quite illuminating, if not very instructing. You helped the boys pick out proper tents and things for Khagra and Bula and their family.  Their tents would be getting set up nearby and close to Yotul’s tent before Glasha came back with an equally happy smile. 

“Mom!” Glasha hollered as she held up her message in her hand. 

“What?” Yotul asked as Glasha came with the message in hand and handed it to Yotul who gasped and her eyes went wide when she read the message. 

“Dad already agreed to it.” Glasha revealed as she looked both excitedly yet anxiously from the message to her adopted mother. 

“We need to make a space for them too.” Yotul said. 

“Mom? What’s wrong?” You asked her. 

“Nothing is wrong, just, my sister in law is coming with her clan to meet you too.” She said as she handed you the message to read yourself. 

“And…and my grandmother is coming! I finally get to meet my grandmother!” You stared at the message and had to read it twice as tears came to your eyes. 

“Make sure that all the room for the Mountain Blizzard clan is closest to Peaches’ tent.” Yotul directed the others. 

“Go to Lazgar and ask to make sure you get one good outfit by tomorrow at the latest. Because chances are, they’re already coming and will be here in the morning, if not tonight. Tell her to pull every available seamstress in the clan.” Yotul instructed. 

“Ok.” You nodded as you and Ori went back to Lazgar with Yotul’s instruction as her hut was already lined with seamstresses working on your outfits who happily made sure they had pinned them right by having you try them on to make sure they were taking the already made clothes in enough for you and they were all so happy to hear that even the Mountain Blizzard Clan was coming to see you. Then you revealed how you were connected to them as they were all both impressed yet understood the need for your clothes to be exceptional if Dowager Clan Chieftess Jaseenah had wanted to make you a Visla.

Lazgar had gotten her assistants to take out her best threads and her best laces and trims and pearls and beads and gemstones so that your clothing would be befitting of both Crowthu and Yotul’s Marfu and Jaseeneh’s Visla. You tried to pay them for their extra hard work and effort and while you really had to insist on it, they eventually took the payment from you as you made sure they all got a share of it which the assistants really appreciated. And they all promised you that your outfits which would be done by midday tomorrow would be perfect for you as they arranged a bust they usually used for the humans in the clan to your measurements to make sure they could keep fitting their outfits to- to make sure they would fit you perfectly as they were even working on undergarments for you which you really appreciated as they professionally measured your body to make sure the undergarments, especially for your breasts would be big enough since you would be needing nursing bras under your outfits. 

Once you got back, and tried to help prepare for both clans to come, Grushnag and Murnag subtly measured you for the fur cloak they were making you out of the wolf hides. While you watched appreciatively as they worked hard and worked together setting up everything. The men used the heat of the day to take their shirts off. And they may or may not have been flexing and showing off for your benefit. And you may or may not have watched on and blushed and bit your lips watching Zorroku the most of all. The others, you barely noticed.

Your dreams and visions came back full force. You felt yourself grow hot and feverish just watching him. To the point you almost felt like you needed another dip into the cold river to get yourself under control again because Zorroku was just that magnificent.

After lunch, all the girls then brought you to the bathing tent where they bathed daily and the water coming from a natural spring their forefathers discovered, that was not actually connected to the river but independent from it and it was the water they used to drink and bathe with here, leaving only the river to pull food from while all waste was buried very far away from both water sources. 

The private bathing tent was for Crowthu’s family only. It had a giant copper heated tub on an iron frame with smoldering coals underneath it to keep the water hot. All kinds of soaps in colors you didn’t think soap could come in. But the bathing attendants were so happy to show off the different kinds they made. Using ingredients and techniques you had never heard of, of both hot and cold processed soap.

Because while most orc clans saw the benefits of keeping clean and well groomed to keep sickness and infection away. You suddenly realized the bit of extreme degree the Thunder Herd Clan liked to keep clean. Not just in body but in clothes and bedding and tents too. You recalled your walks through the village. How everything seemed nice, neat and organized and very clean even for being on grass and dirt. 

Then the attendants went through the oils and perfumes they had too for you and for Ori as well. All the other women and babies and little ones all got a nice hot bath. The temperature of the water was kept not so hot that it would hurt Ori or the other babies at all. But still be warm enough to be cleansing and relaxing. All fo you got scrubbed and washed by both yourselves and each other. Then you all sat down on the bench that was built in around the edge of the massive tub. This thing was honestly the size of a large pool and five feet deep with a large platform built around it so that you could get in and out easily and the attendants could tend to all of you easily while they sat on small stools around the edge of the frame. 

All while the little ones practiced swimming in the middle from one female relative to another. All of you were relaxing in the hot soothing waters as the attendants washed your hair, scrubbed your scalp, did deep conditioning treatments for your hair then combed and braided your hair in the traditional Thunder Herd Clan way. You hair was just gorgeous as all the girls marveled at your red hair. Especially since they had never seen anyone with red hair before. And thanks to some hair conditioners and oils, it was the softest it had ever been in your life. 

Then the attendants treated you to your first massage while you reclined in the waters as all the girls giggled at watching you get your neck and shoulders and back and arms massaged as you practically melted into the water. Glasha held Ori for you and played with her so you could relax completely. They used the pink salt of the mountains to scrub your skin until it was softer than it was when you were babe. Then they drenched you in special perfumed oil and your own eyes threatened to roll all the way back into your head from pleasure. This was the greatest experience of your life so far and you soaked it up.

“So tell me about Grecko’s wives.” Yotul invited.

“Oh gods, they’re really beautiful and really talented but they fight. All. The. Time.” You answered honestly which earned a round of hums of agreement.

“Like to have more than one wife, and to keep them both or all of them happy is very difficult. To marry sisters is even more difficult and to marry twin sisters is like trying to climb to the top of the tallest mountain with no climbing gear. It’s next to impossible. Because between wives to the same man is a constant battle. It’s a battle for equality, it’s a battle for favor, it’s a battle for time, for affection, making sure your kids get the same amount of quality time that the others do, if you want sons or children period you have to calculate when you lay with him just right...” You explained.

Arob and her daughters and daughters in law sensed that you didn’t take to the idea of multiple wives well which they all understood and to a degree agreed with but before then, they simply knew it was part of life and part of being in the Clan Chief’s family as the other daughters in law were trying to make an effort to get along with you just in case you became their sister wife. But they still realized they had better chances of befriending you and staying your friend if you didn’t choose their husbands. And despite their husbands requests, they had been subtly steering you towards Zorroku anyway. Because they could see how much he actually cared for you rather than wanting you based on a probable prophecy.

“Wait, there’s a way to calculate that?” Yotul asked in astonishment as did all the women in the tub who all sat up and sat forward just as your massage ended and you said a word of thanks to the attendants.

“Oh yeah. Ok, so the secret to that is something that a very old midwife taught me. Her name is Mama Gak and she is amazing, she came with Mama Borba when the twins came into the clan and I love and adore her too, anyway, so what she taught me is if you were to look at a month on a square, seven days are in a week, four weeks in a month right?” You began as you made a square gesture and gestured to the weeks horizontally.

“So if you were to write down the day you start your moon blood and then count the number of days you have it and count the days in between each one, you’ll usually have between 25-33 days, usually it’s 28. So once you have that number, divide it by half, usually it’s between 12-16, usually 14. So on a calendar, you mark the half way point, that’s usually the day you can have sex and get pregnant on, and usually a couple of days before and a couple of days after that point is considered your conceive week." You began to explain.

"Now if you want a girl, have sex 2-4 days before the halfway point, in the first half of the conceive week, if you want a boy, have sex on the halfway point and the few days after on the conceive week but absolutely no sex before that point. If you have sex the day before the halfway point of conceive week, the day of the halfway point and the day after, it’s a gamble and there’s no way to tell until you give birth. That’s what she told me. And that’s what Grecko’s wives have done. They both laid with Grecko all three days and Ahshna had a set of twin boys and the Aysha had a set of girls." You revealed.

"Now another way Mama Gak told me is to test the wetness in your womanhood. If you wipe it with your fingers, and put your fingers together, if it’s wet like water like this, no go. If it forms a string between your fingers, in the words of Mama Gak-‘ride that dick like you own it’.” You urged as you giggled which got them all to squeal, hoot, holler, laugh and giggle too.

You got Ori back and let her lay down on your chest and cuddle with your chest, happy and content when you gently massaged her in turn, an attendant letting you get more oil for her skin too, Ori beaming a super happy smile as she cuddled up to your chest as you continued to talk and gossip the afternoon away until all of you were prune-y.

You borrowed one of Urzel’s outfits, one of Yotul’s younger daughters, which was a little big on you but was much better than being too small for you and infinitely more comfortable than your dresses were and just like that, it was like you had always been here and always been part of this family and you loved it as Yotul’s daughters in law all checked their womanhood and Grat and Rek both found that their essence from their womanhood was stringy.

“Ooh, excuse us, we have dicks to ride.” Rek and Grat cackled as Yotul took YakYak and Glasha took her nephew Shum from Rek as the two left the bathing tent to go look for their husbands for what you assumed was ‘afternoon delight’.  

That night over dinner and again over the midnight meal you really got to know and drew very close to everyone in Crowthu’s family. Especially once it seemed Yalak and Grat and Murnag and Rek seemed to be in a very good mood. And especially once you got your guitar out and your violin and played and sang songs and told stories and legends and jokes as they were all amazed but not surprised you could sing and play so well. They were all just so delighted that you were so wonderful to be around. And now that you were there, they really did feel whole and complete as a family, like you were the missing puzzle piece this whole time.

Zorroku just looked at you with so much adoration, you thought it bordered on love. But part of you was still afraid to return it because you figured it was only a matter of time before he would get several more wives. You felt he deserved to have so many fawning all over him. Even though your dreams and visions showed you the opposite to be true. But you dismissed them as simply dreams by your overactive imagination.

But that night, after Zorroku made sure you got to your own tent safely and retied the tent flap again. The dreams still didn’t let up. In fact, they got even more vivid, to the point you could see that you were in a different tent, this one a light silver gray with blues and greens embroidered into the panels and roof and it was so pretty. Plus the bed you were on was even bigger and even more comfortable than the one you had now. And you could taste Zorroku when he kissed you and feel the calluses on his hands as they reverently touched you. You felt the pressure of being full as his manhood that filled you, practically stuffed you. You could feel the heat of his breath and softness of his lips on your skin and feel the reverberations of his deep groaning and moaning as well as the heat from his body as it covered yours possessively as he made love to you over and over again. He brought you to your release, more times than he got to his. He whispered and murmured into your ears how he loved you and would always love you and only you and how you were the only one he wanted for as long as he lived while your underwear got soaked in your sleep from all the essence that flowed from you in your dreams.

Meanwhile in Zorroku’s tent his own undergarments were soaked with cum, again. The spell Arob had cast before she herself had gone to bed, allowing Zorroku to share another dream with you as he made love to you in the very tent his father had specially made just for his mother Sharnarrah in her favorite colors of white, silver, blues and greens with gold and silver accents here and there. Crowthu had shared it with Sharnarrah as long as she lived, but had taken it down and gone to Yotul's tent shortly after Sharnarrah passed away because he missed her so much, he couldn't bear to be in the tent without Shanarrah. And when she had died, Crowthu gifted it to Zorroku as his inheritance as first born.

But when Zorroku had married Medowne, the tent needed repairs after being in storage for so long. But Medowne died before all the repairs could be done. And while Zorroku had the repairs finished, he never did erect it. And instead put it back into his personal storage, hoping that if Ori survived childhood, she would have it as an inheritance. But to see her failing to thrive, he only thought that he would give it to Silug, when he would inevitably be the next Clan Chief because Zorroku no longer had the heart, courage or desire for it. Until he met you. And suddenly it revived him and reminded him of just how precious his birthright was and that he needed to fight to keep it and not let it be stolen from him from overeager siblings. Which Crowthu was happy to see.

Because now that you were in Zorroku's life, he found that the sting of his mother's death and his first wife's death on his heart and soul lessened every day. His wife had pleaded with him to move on and to find another love on her death bed. He had fought and wrestled with the idea ever since. And when Ori failed to thrive, he misconstrued it as Ori missing her mother just as much as he did.

But seeing Ori take to you and for you to take to her as if she was your own, was all the healing balm his heart and soul needed. He understood your hesitance towards him and all he wanted to do was assure and you reassure you that he didn’t want what you thought he did. All he wanted was you and he did his best to convey that. He wanted to give you everything, he wanted to make you see and feel his affections and right now, this was the best way he knew how.

[denkilightning]

what was the context of that line?

ill assume you mean the "george i thought i was only in love with you!" line.

the entire scene starts at 1:25:25 of "quackity and jschlatt win the dreams smp elections" which you can find on quackityvods on youtube.

rp/ when quackity asks george, tubbo and schlatt, if they want to talk about their feelings, he adds he hasnt talked about his feelings in a while.

then quackity stars saying that he likes this girl, while keep glancing at george (i believe its intended, given how he keeps looking forward and back at george multiple times). wait ill actually give you quotes here (he says and then just fucking transcripts the entire clip)

quackity: listen, im [glances at george], i- i met this girl, the other day [glances at george], and i thought i could share with you boys my thoughts on it [looks back at geogrge and tubbo]

tubbo: o-okay? (quieter) whats up big q?

quackity: she's a- she's a girl? and she looked at me? and i think i fell in love

schlatt: woo (/pos, idk how to describe that expression)

tubbo: okay

quackity: i think i fell in love. and i just dont know- i just dont know how to approach these feelings i have

george: yeah youre probably in love

quackity: [smiling, hopefully] you think so? george i thought i was only in love with you!

[pause]

george: well [pauses] sometimes times change

quackity: no, george, i dont want 'em to change. i dont want em to change, george

george: its up to you! 2x

quackity: you think so? 2x

george: yeah

quackity: [slightly flustered? i am bad at describing tone sorry] anyways! regarding my feelings- so i take this girl is like she likes me too, but shes not telling me. shes not telling me that she likes me!

george: shes just playing hard to get

quackity: she- do you think so? (speaking over george) do you think shes har-

george: who doesnt love you? who- how can she not love you?

quackity: [in a higher pitched tone, clearly happy] you think so?

george: [nodding] i know so

quackity: [makes a happy "whaa" noise] george? george? [in a very small voice] do you love me?

george: [takes a pause in nodding but nods again, saying nothing]

quackity: tubbo, tubbo can you please like stare that way? (over schlatt) can you stare that way?

schlatt: oh this is really awkward (over quackity) jesus 2x im cringing right now

quackity: what? what? [laughs] what? sounds like youre fucking little jealous. sounds like youre a little fucking jealous pal

quackity: [walking towards schlatt] i know you

[end transcript]

thats the entire context! after that quackity tells schlatt to tell viewers how schlatt used to call him an term of affection (i think pumpkin?) and then schlatt goes "imma make a speech", they announce the speech and he does the speech where he changes lmanbergs name to manberg.

i believe its also important to add few moments like:

quackity asking george if theyre ok with him calling them his gorgeous friend (they say he can call them whatever),

when quackity tells george his only job is to have a fat ass george says at 6:28 "well you should be pretty good at that",

at 7:17 quackity goes "i love you" and then slightly flustered changes the topic

at 10:33 tommy tells george to sit down and have some manners, quackity tells them verbatem "you can sit wherever you want, baby" and repeats it. tommy yells at him that you can't be dating ur coworkers and quackity says theyre not dating theyre just flirty friends

at 34:45 when wilbur reads out the election results quackity asks george to hug him

then at 1:55:16 starts a scene that pretty much ends with quackity kissing george multiple times (sic!) and everyone laughing cus georges skin has no lips to kiss so its implied theyre kissing on the lips

when george says fhey have to go shower at 2:05:07, which then extends to saying bye to everyone until 2:06:40, one of quackitys goodbyes is "thank you for the kisses"

given All Of That (and reminder thats from a single stream) AND quackity in a lore stream telling george "i was gonna propose-" yeah there are some heavy implications c! quackity has romantic feelings for c! george

[sorry-i-ship-drarry]

32. Reasons to not be in love with draco malfoy by harry

Prompt used- caressing the other's back | ANGST/FLUFF | UNREQUITED LOVE | HURT/COMFORT | Eighth year harry finds it hard to admit that he infact loves draco ..

" is it so bad harry that you like him ? " Hermione asked as a sad look dawned upon her tanned face

" what-no- yes- i mean- I don't like him. It's just he has changed so much and it seems unrealistic " harry covered up his tinted face by entailed more into his book

" sure harry, we believe you " Ron sarcastically responded.

" Ron- harry, you know it, you're lying to yourself and what if Draco have actually changed so much. I mean he apologized to me for everything he ever did. That has to be something and it was a genuine apology-"

" apologies doesn't change what he's done. And I don't like Malfoy " harry persisted almost agressively.

Hermione sighed looking at Ron, an indication for him to take the lead.

" mate, I hate him just as much as you do but she's right you know. You can ignore your feelings for how long! One day you would have to face them-"

" so what you want me to just go upto him and ask him out on a date? How blinded can you be ? I will prove that he hasn't changed. I will prove it " with that harry stormed out of the common room to the court yard to be under the sun and complete the rest of his work.

The problem was harry was immensely crushing on draco but it was so hard for him to believe that he'd much rather look for his flaws, it was easier as harry would like to put it. But it was so hard for him to actually look for a single flaw in draco after the war because he had changed completely. Long gone were the days when he used slurs like mudblood, in fact he himself was sending letters to the ministry over and over for stop discriminating against werewolves, muggle borns, squibs, and half bloods. It seemed too good to be true but harry knew he was genuinely doing it but his fainting heart didn't wanted to wake up one day and know that draco had not changed at all, so he chose to still finding his flaws.

2 weeks later upon constant teasing by Ron and Hermione about his research to find something suspicious or something flawed about draco, he realised he was standing in front of a lake which was completely dry. There wasn't even a single flaw and his heart could only take so much.

But he didn't wanted to give up, so during one of his charms lessons, harry took his quill and paper and started writing.

" Reasons not to be in love with draco malfoy "

" ugh.. scratch that " harry mumbled to himself unimpressed

" reasons not to be in love with draco malfoy"

" reasons to hate draco malfoy "

" reasons not to like draco malfoy "

Harry frowned to himself watching the paper, then dipping his quill in ink again and continued writing, only he couldn't. Stuck for minutes, harry looked across the room to see Draco smiling Kindly to a broken handed Neville and writing his notes for him. Harry groaned to himself, " bloody perfect git "

And then he wrote,

" draco malfoy - an absolute prat "

Impressed by himself harry closed his eyes and let himself ponder over every flaw he could muster and desperately failing but he needed something. One damn thing.

But found none.

He placed his hand over the paper once again and started

" 1. The prat have the most fucking Adorable smile. And he doesn't deserve it . It's illegal to have such an adorable smile "

Harry almost smiled at what he wrote but considering his circumstances he refused to. He looked up at Draco once again and continued again.

" 2. The idiot have the most beautiful fingers, bet it's stolen. They're the most fucking annoying thing ever and I can't bloody stop staring at it "

And with that Harry's motive unknowingly changed. He started writing about things about draco that annoyed him.

As week went on harry had listed almost 10 things he found annoying about draco.

" they're not flaws harry " Hermione pressed her lips in thin line to keep herself from laughing.

Blushing in embarrassment harry took the paper away " you wouldn't get it "

And as he started leaving he heard Ron laugh.

And he went back to the courtyard and going through the list once again.

" 3. The git have perfect annoying stormy eyes which makes you dream but also take you somewhere only both us could be "

" 4. He's unbelievably kind to everyone, even filch, how could anyone be this damn kind. Stupid "

" 5. He's got brain. Like actual great brain. He's intellectual, he's fucking smart. Like nobody asked you Smarty pants to be this damn smart "

" 6. He Knows exactly what he's doing. Like the other day in the great hall when he left the tea bag for far too long in his cup of tea, he poured a little of his tea into another cup, added ginger and lemon to his own cup and then some water again. Annoying as fuck "

" 7. He sits by the tree in the courtyard just staring at the damn sky and sometimes even draw it in his little doodle pad covered in leather, with a little blue stone right in the centre. Also half filled. God knows what he draws. Would be pretty fantastic though, considering how much time he spend drawing them and painting it. Hilarious to see him being focused. Idiot "

"8. He visits the professor Dumbledore's grave and just sit there crying. Don't know why I wrote it, just needed to. I understand him.

" 9. He talks with madam pomfrey about potions and their Ill effects. Again trying to be smart. He did help Seamus though after he fell from his broom sometime ago, guess he's got brain afterall "

" 10. He's bloody perfect. His damn face, beautiful as fuck, his nose looks like Micheal Angelo himself carved it on his face, his jawline, fuck, his skin is pale though but the way his skin glows when he's sitting in the courtyard doing something and the way he have a perfect blush. Who's blushing can be perfect ? But damn it, his blush is damn perfect as if something had put on natural flower colour upon his face and the way he have a specific smile for each occassion. The nervous smile, the grin, the quizzical smile, everything just super perfect. Stupid beautiful perfect prat "

Harry sighed understanding Hermione's point but he knew what he had written. This was everything he didn't like about him. Every single one of them, well not everything maybe but most of them.

Harry looked up, keeping the paper in one of his notebooks, to see Draco sitting on one of the pillars seat and reading something.

" prat even looks perfect reading " harry mumbled to him rolling his eyes yet couldn't help his curiosity for what he was reading because he wore probably the most perfect smile harry had seen. He hated to admit but maybe, draco was flawless, at least to him but he didn't wanted to admit. He was determined to find at least one flaw so he could prove them wrong, more him than anyone else. He just needed something flawed in him to convince himself that he wasn't desperately falling for him as his friends liked to say. One flaw, that's all he needed.

Harry kept all of his books inside his rag and decided to just walk around the halls before he'd depart to the common room but just as he had been exiting the courtyard, one thing he didn't wanted it to happen, happened.

" hey, po- harry "

Harry closed his eyes, breathing in before turning around to draco with a warming smile.

" what do you want Malfoy?"

" uh- draco- but nevermind. I wanted to actually ask you something, I mean I shouldn't, considering you still hate me but it's purely theoretical " Draco rambled giving harry a rather nervous smile. Fucking perfect again, harry thought.

" I- I don't hate you Malfoy, old habits die hard kinda thing you know " harry assured himself more than draco.

Draco pressed his lips in a thin line pondering on about what harry had just said.

" you wanted to ask ?" Harry impatiently said

" right- I- I've heard you taught defense in 5th year, including the patronus charm, i- since you've taught a few people I was wondering if you could tell me if people like me can- you know can cast one " draco scratched the back of his neck nervously, the same blush returning to his face again which harry always thought was probably the same shade as that of a cherry blossom..

" what do you mean by people like you ?" Just as the sentence had left his mouth, he realised how wrong had it sounded. Of course he knew what draco had meant but why did he had to ask him and embarrass draco ?

Draco inhaled the air surrounding them, closing his eyes as if he was gaining confidence for what he said next " I meant death eaters "

Harry suddenly felt like his tongue was in knots. He knew the answer but he couldn't reply and while draco looked at harry hopefully, his hope started to die out little by little as he watched harry standing quietly. His eyes suddenly turned from normal grey to something that was clouding him within himself, as if he was now concealing himself, like he was upbraiding himself.

" never mind- think I got my answer. Thank you po- harry. It was great help " draco voice sounded more harsh than it had sounded lately at and harry at once knew had broken draco's heart but before he could've undid his fault, he had scrambled away quickly and harry remained there waiting to get his voice back.

And when it finally did, it had started to rain, harry too scrambled away. Strange how the weather has been perfectly fine when he had first sat down in the courtyard and now it pouring down heavily after the misconception with draco.

Draco's smile was slightly dying out a little bit, and harry knew why but everytime harry ran after draco to correct his mistakes, he was tongue tied. Why was it so hard for harry to simply tell the truth ? Why couldn't he ?

In the mean time After harry had told Hermione and Ron about his faulty interaction with draco, they had stopped teasing and encouraged him to fix it as soon as possible.

It wasn't until during one of the defense classes, things took a better turn.

" now, you all have already learnt about how boggart works. It easily takes shape of what you fear the most but here what we have is pieret, it's a twin of a boggart but it is unusually different. A pieret not only senses your fear but induces in you the pain you'd feel when you're faced with your worst fear. Taking an example, if someone fears death, they would feel nothing Because death feels numb. If someone is afraid of lets say lizards, they'd feel irrational. You must be wondering then if you are faced with a boggart, then Also you'd feel the same thing, the answer is no, we predict what we'd feel, not actually feel while upon being faced with a pieret, it would heavily cast on you the feeling to the point where it may get hard to make sense of anything. However the defense against it is just as simple as that of a boggart,infact it is the same. Riddikulus. Now I would want each of you to clear your head and try not to think of your worst fears and then upon your turn with a blink of an eyes, say the spell and then sit down " the professor explained, not even stopping momentarily for asking students anything, as if he wanted to get done with the lesson. Frankly, everyone wanted the same.

The pieret however turned out to be more stronger than the boggart. Few students had to sit down to relax after their turn. When it finally came down to harry, he cleared his head and tried not to think of his worst fear . He saw the shape twisting and turning into someone very familiar, a scene very familiar. Before harry could cast the spell, the feelings had started to run frantically inside of him. He thought he mumbled something but nothing happened, voldemort was still standing, in his victory. Harry had lost the fight, resulting in huge massacre, everyone disappointed and then suddenly it had gone, now there stood a beautiful pink lily.

Harry immediately collapsed on the ground, breathing heavily.

" drink this " the professor commanded and he obliged, feeling the sensation dying out immediately.

" I need to go " harry hoarsely said and ran out of the room to the washrooms. He reached the same washroom moaning myrtle still resides in but somehow absent currently and he was glad.

Not for long. He soon heard the door open and close and someone walking inside. Harry was about to hex whoever had Walked in until he saw draco had appeared, looked devastating.

" it's only me. We don't want Same things to happen twice" draco announced. Harry immediately lowered his wand, still breathing heavily and becoming very aware of what Draco had said.

" I'd never used that spell again. I wouldn't ever "

" i know " draco gave him a small smile. Harry looked at Draco for a few moments before he sat down against one of the toilet doors, draco cautiously making his steps towards harry and sitting down next to him.

" why are you here ?" Harry finally asked, his knees pressed against his chest, looking up at the ceiling.

" wish I knew " draco responsed aligning himself in the same position as harry and staring up.

Harry hummed, not knowing what he should've answered.

" it's weird " draco suddenly said, a small laugh escaping his lips

" what is ?" Harry asked looking at Draco slightly turning his head to him, watching him staring far ahead.

" how both of our fears are the same "

And he finally turned to harry, with a deep pained expression painted in his dream filled eyes.

Harry quizzically stared at Draco " him gaining victory ?"

" yes and always letting people down. Disappointing them. Having no hope "

Harry was rendered speechless. Until he knew he needed to throw up. He immediately bashed through the door in front of him and puking into the toilet, emptying whatever was inside his body. He suddenly felt a hand on his back caressing him and faint encouragements reaching his ears. When harry was finally done, he leant back pressing his head against the door sighing. Draco's hand has left his back but harry still wanted them there, he didn't know why, but he just wanted that.

" any better ?" He asked. Harry nodded.

" here " draco passed him a bottle of water. Harry rinsed off the smell off his mouth, then drank some of it before flushing the waste away and going back to sitting in the middle alley with draco facing him.

" who do you feel you let down ?" Harry asked frowning at Draco.

Draco looked taken a back by Harry's sudden enquiry but soon comforted himself and began speaking " everyone. I just feel like that even after everything I'm trying to do, after trying so hard to be nice, helping everyone, trying to become a better person, I would still let people down. There will always be Someone who would want to look at my flaws and throw them in my face that no matter what I do, I'd still be draco malfoy the death Eater. I'm always afraid of letting them down, my parents, teachers, the ministry, my friends, classmates, you "

Harry stared at Draco long enough, understanding exactly how he must be feeling but feeling guilty at the same time for doing exactly what draco is fearing but once he had spoken it loud, harry wanting to seek his flaws was thrown out of the window, he just to hug draco right now and tell him that he's doing great.

" I don't hate you draco- I never did. I know you think I do, but I see you. You're trying really hard to become the better person and I can see It happening. If I were you I don't think I'd be able to do that but you, you're brave and confident and courageous to do this everyday. I could never "

" you'd never need to do all that. You already are everything you just said. You don't even need to try " draco gave him a little shrug. Harry's lip immediately turned into a sly smile, realising draco see's him that way, even if it was partially true.

" but you're different. Everyone already praise me, they've always done that. You, you're rising.. that's something much more braver than anything I'd ever done in life"

" are we going to sit here and actually assure each other how we're both doing great " draco joked. Harry immediately broke in a small laughter with draco. Being there with Draco right now was the most perfect thing harry could've ever dreamt of. How could he had possibly thought of wanting to hate draco ? It seemed irrational. Harry was driven by his hatred to find something in draco that didn't even exist and it's not because draco was perfect but because he was working on his flaws. Perfection had never been about being flawless, it has always been in redeeming your flaws. Harry laughed for as Long as he wanted with draco, never wanting this to end. It was a therapy and harry was glad to be a part of it.

When finally the laughter died out harry smiled at draco, picking up his wand and casting the patronus charm.

" my mom's patronus was a doe, mine's a stag. Snape's patronus was a doe too " harry told a pained looking draco until he finally reiterated Harry's words in his head and then it hit him

" he was a death Eater "

" he was " harry replied giving him small smile " a patronus isn't based on discrimination. It doesn't segregate between death eaters and wizard or the bad and the good or the rich and the poor. Patronus is based on a happy memory. I suppose why you'd think death Eaters can't cast a patronus is because they've never known true happiness. If you've ever felt true happiness in your life, you can cast one. There's both light and dark inside of us, it is what we chose to act upon, that's who we are. You're not a bad person draco, you never were and i know one day you'll be as to cast it. I'd liked to help if I can in anyways "

Draco stared at harry In surprise, his expressions changing to one filled with hope and turning into a smile.

" I'd like that " draco responded nodding.

" then we'll practice the spells whenever you'd like" harry smiled before he started putting things in his rag, after hearing the bell to finally get up to leave.

" draco "

" yeah"

" thank you . I- this was different- and just thank you " harry smiled hanging his rag on his shoulder.

Draco smiled nodding at him, getting up himself.

With a deep breath harry finally turned around to leave, smiling to himself, thinking of how he could just burn the list now.

" harry- you dropped something "

Harry turned around to see Draco holding a piece of paper.

Fuck.

Draco furrowed his eyebrows as his eyes fell upon the words inked on it. Harry immediately hustled in his bag to look for that one specific sheet. No, no, no,no ...

Draco looked up at harry quizzically " reasons to .... "

PART 2 | Requests open

Day 31 - would you come back to me ? | Day 33- tasting their smile