#I just want to post art which i love to make for myself into a tight and neat spot for future generations to find and look at
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So, here is the pitch:
AU where Siltsplash finds out they are pregnant around the same moon that Eklutna gives birth to the boys. (Rather than an AU where Owl doesn’t cheat because then we wouldn’t have Song, Dance, or Dash and that won’t do)
It makes the betrayal even worse because it’s even more pointless since they were going to give Owl an heir.
Anyway, meet Spindlekit
She will eventually go blind I imagine, but if Owlstar suggest she retire she tells him that he should retire for being old lmao.
Warrior name is open to suggestion
I love her and I’m so mad that she doesn’t exist now.
The fact that Song doesn’t have a little sister is a CRIME. This is what he was born to do.
Not only am I okay with it, I would love to see it!
You are so right, here's a flashback that was cut for time from Moon 28:
Erminepaw has had a crush on Songpaw since they were in the nursery together, he just never called attention to it. He honestly probably doesn't even register that it is a crush, he's doing that thing that kids do where they're like this is my best friend, of course I want to marry him that's how everyone feels about their best friend. Nothing out of the ordinary here! Just my best friend that I must be holding hands with at all times for best friend reasons!
Yes! This is Fox----, he has been causing problems since the literal day he was born. You've met both of his parents, but I would be a little bit surprised if you guessed them correctly. Parental drama is kinda part of his whole deal. He's one of the first 3rd generation cats born in Loudclan.
I have SO much advice, about the images, the recommended size is 1280 x 1920 pixels, that's always a little too short for my panels, so I try to aim for 1280 x 2000 - 3000. It still deteriorates them a little bit, but people can always click on them for better quality. Bigger text and variation in values also help for readability regardless of size. (value meaning how light or dark a color is. if you want something to stand out it's more important to change the value than it is to change the hue generally speaking.) As for grabbing attention, I would recommend making sure that the image you're trying to show is visible above the cut off for longer posts, posts with only text visible are a lot less likely to get interaction. That being said, the most important thing for the longevity of your blog is making sure that it's something you are doing for yourself. There's nothing wrong with liking when your posts get attention, but it's not likely to happen for a long while (I think moon 5 was the first time I got double digit likes which was three months after I started.) I appreciate all of the love that Loudclan gets now, but if I had started with that as the goal I never would have been able to reach the point of it happening. (I actually started posting Loudclan with the intention of proving to myself once and for all that posting art was not a viable endeavor for me, so... I'll consider that a successful failure!)
You CANNOT DO THIS to me anon- "the canadian city"- YOU MEAN JUNEAU? YOU MEAN THE CAPITAL OF ALASKA JUNEAU?!?! JUNEAU?!?! CANADIAN?!?! When I catch you anon- anon when I catch you-
Come here, anon. I just want to talk. I just want to have a word with you.
#loudclanasks#loudclan#clangen#loudclanfan#Moon 31 sketch is done but I've been working on a special little project before I start on the lines!#anon im not actually mad at you but I am completely befuddled as to how you came to decide that the capital of alaska belonged to canada#if anyone says they thought alaska was part of canada in the comments I will be committing crimes.#long post#cw blood#cw implied abuse#cw language
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One of my Dorian Gray hot takes is that there was absolutely nothing in Dorian and Basil's relationship that was healthy. I keep seeing posts like "Basil's love for Dorian was so pure, that's why the portrait was so pretty and the real villain of the story is Wotton because he corrupted it"
As I see it, yes, Wotton did corrupt him, but saying Basil's feelings for Dorian were pure is simply inaccurate to the story. Basil says himself he merely sees Dorian as an artistic ideal [Dorian Gray is to me simply a motive in art. I find him in the curves of certain lines, in the loveliness and subtleties of certain colours. That is all; ch1] and admitted he (a 10 year older man, who had power over him) tried to isolate him from other people and "keep him to himself". Furthermore, Basil also plays a big role in the way Dorian sees himself and his beauty, by painting him everyday and not maintaining any conversation with him, he's indirectly reaffirming what Wotton tells him: people only care about you because you're pretty and young. There is also this scene from the second chapter:
Dorian Gray turned and looked at him. "I believe you would, Basil. You like your art better than your friends. I am no more to you than a green bronze figure. Hardly as much, I dare say.
The painter stared in amazement. It was so unlike Dorian to speak like that. What had happened? He seemed quite angry. His face was flushed and his cheeksburning.
"Yes," he continued, "I am less to you than your ivory Hermes or your silver Faun. You will like them always. How long will you like me? Till I have my first wrinkle, I suppose. I know, now, that when one loses one's good looks, whatever they may be, one loses everything. Your picture has taught me that. Lord Henry Wotton is perfectly right. Youth is the only thing worth having. When I find that I am growing old, I shall kill myself."
Hallward turned pale and caught his hand. "Dorian! Dorian!" he cried, "don't talk like that. I have never had such a friend as you, and I shall never have suchanother. You are not jealous of material things, are you?-you who are finer than any of them!"
Dorian is even dealing with a suicidal ideation over what Wotton has told him and the way Basil sees him, he needs emotional validation, he's asking to be told there's more than him than that, and Basil's reaction is just─ no. You're prettier than any other object (indirectly comparing him to one, too).
Basil's view of Dorian influences how he sees people as much as Wotton's. For example, to Dorian Sybil was only what she pretended to be, he loved her performance, her acting, how she did exactly what the public wanted (which can apply to Dorian himself), not the real her. She was only an artistic ideal to him, she meant to him exactly what Dorian meant to Basil. He ignored her desires, pain and everything not related to what he wanted to see, since that's what he's been taught he must appreciate.
I also disagree with the interpretation of the portrait as a "pure" reflection of Basil's love (I would personally rather describe it as an obsession, though) and Dorians soul because it's not. At least not entirely. Part of the point of the book is that everyone only saw the part of Dorian they wanted: the portrait represents Basil's idolized version of him, what he wanted to see and how he refused to see Dorian as a person instead of an artistic ideal. That's why he tried to make him redeem himself, because he hated seeing his version of Dorian shatter into pieces. It was never Dorian entirely, not even after aging terribly because that's the result of Basil and Wotton's influence. The portrait was not his soul, it was a modified version of it other people played with because nobody cared about the whole thing, and the influence was so big those parts became his whole being. It was just an idolized, molded version at first but turned into his real self with the time and the sins. Dorian's soul (the portrait) was constructed upon what others appreciated about him, so when Wotton motivated him to sin, because Dorian's potential to be terrible was what mattered to him, it became ugly and terrible. There was absolutely nothing pure about that portrait since day 1.
#Another ross tpodg post has hit tumblr.this is just my interpretation👍#tpodg#the picture of dorian gray#dorian gray#basil hallward#henry wotton#roscaposting
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Hi everynyan,
Some of you will remember that I was taking names/addresses to send out free stickers in September. I am almost done sending them out now, so here's a quick update on that.
The Good!
I like this a lot! It's fun to do. For reference, I'm printing, laminating, and cutting these myself at home, so I'm learning a lot about my machine. I like being in charge of the quality control, I like doing the logistic work. Idk. It's fulfilling to me.
It's also really delightful to see names on the list who I've known of for a long time. Old and new faces, people all over the world, I love seeing people adopt a catgirl. :3 And for free! I'm by no means making a lot, but being able to provide something fun and physical to the people who enjoy my art for free is just! Wow!
The Bad!
Everything that could have gone wrong during this process did, which is why they're going out so late. The at-home manufacturing process was relatively simple but the materials kept being funky, or I'd do something wrong, so I'd have to toss something that I'd completely fucked up, OR I'd just miscount how much stuff material I had left. It's been a pain in the butt, so I'm glad it's done and that I've learned so much from it. I ALMOST FORGOT, I DESTROYED ONE CUTTING MAT MAKING THAT ROGER STANDEE FOR MY WEDDING LOL SO I HAD TO SPEND TIME CONDITIONING THE NEW CUTTING MAT! UGH!
There's also: the money. I know it's gauche to talk about it, but doing this was pretty expensive. I live in Canada now, and most of the letters were going out of Canada, so that postage added up. Materials cost, time, it's a pretty good chunk of change, but I didn't go broke so I want to do it again.
The Other?
I definitely want (and plan) to do this again very soon. I'm talking within this month. I'm making Christmas cards! I've already set money aside for this so it's all good, and it involves less at-home manufacturing since I can just reach out to a local print shop.
I know some people were wary of the google form, but I can't really find a better alternative at this time. MailChimp has had at least one major information leak in 2024 alone, so I am not sure where else to turn for collecting addresses at this time. I had a few people who did not give me towns/zip codes, and the street address would have three or four towns in that state alone with that address. Since I didn't collect e-mail addresses, I didn't have any way to reach out to entrants about this. If you don't see your sticker in the next few weeks, this might be why! I also plan on adding a checkbox just to confirm that the person requesting the sticker is over 18, NOT because I plan on sending anything saucy, but I know what it's like to be a teen with parents who open you mail, an I don't want to cause problems for anyone because Mom and Dad think fairies are satanic or something.
Most people I've talked to about all of this have really emphasized that I need to reopen my Patreon. I'm not saying anybody is wrong on this, but it just makes me feel so uncomfortable. I think anyone who's followed me for a while has seen me try and fail to do art full time or, hell, even have a schedule for something, and I've failed every time. I'm so scared of failing people again. How can I ensure that I'm producing things on time, to a standard I am happy with, that anyone willing to support me (in this economy?) would also be happy with? It will probably happen, but I'm just so... Plus, with all honesty, I have a commission backlog that I need to finish first! I'm bad at the business part of this whole thing, I think. I'm a blue-collar labourer in my heart.
That's my update! I wish you all well, please stay safe and take care of yourself and those around you. I'll post again when I'm collecting addresses for the Christmas cards.
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an archdevil and a presidential candidate sneak into a gay bar
flatcolor + closeups below :)
#they love each other so much you guys don’t understand#they’ve lived together for years. they have seen each other at their worst.#THEY HAVE CHOSEN EACH OTHEROVER EVERYTHING SO MANY TIMES#ITS ALL ABOUT FRIENDSHIP#ITS ALL ABOUT THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE#ITS ALL ABOUT TAKING CARE OF EACH OTHER#my brother just brought me fettuccine alfredo#which is an important addon to this post#(it’s all about taking care of each other)#BY THE WAY#I understand the ‘they are sisters’ response to lots of my bad girls posts but I need to make it so clear that it’s more than that#not to be that guy because I do get it but I’m in a constant state of twisting myself around my art to avoid some things#and something I get a bunch is people seeing things as either ‘they’re siblings’ or ‘they’re dating’ when neither was my intention#because what I’m trying to get across here isn’t romantic and it’s not really sisterly either. love is such a wide range beyond that#+ and I want those types of love to also be understood within my art y’know#all that to say that it’s not that deep and they love each other very very much any way you slice it#d20#d20 fantasy high#dimension 20#d20 fanart#fantasy high#fhjy#kristen applebees#fig faeth#fig fantasy high#kristen fantasy high#kristen chilis applebees#applefaeth#undescribed#my art
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Happy Birthday to Ferdinand von Aegir!
I actually made 33 emotes, affectionately known as Aegirglyphics to some, for my own personal use on discord. However, I figure why not share some of them! They're free to use for discord servers/icons/pfps or whatever. However, my only request is Do NOT use them as subscriber emotes on Twitch. You can make them free follower emotes but you are not to make them locked behind a paywall.
#fe three houses#ferdinand von aegir#discord emotes#i thought long and hard about this bc idk the actual want for emotes i made ages ago but#i still love my son and its his bday ad so i should be nice and share#since i no longer have nitro and can no longer use them myself#the fact i can technically post 30 at once was tempting but#some of them arent living up to my standards and also just might not be easy to use in most contexts#so those im gonna skip on lol#whoever wants 21 aegirglyphics tho have at em#i think i might have posted some before? but only 10 and i dont recall which ones#if you want a secret the last three and the middle on the second row are my favorites to use#i used concernednand (the upper one) so much#the internet concerns me guys it was a valid use every time#debated sharing heartnand but honestly the world could benefit from it imo because gotta spread that love#fun lil trivia i love making emotes and so when i was in a server and people knew me as the ferdinand fan and artist#someone was like why hasnt salmon made a ferdinand emote yet#and im like bc i dont run the server and i cant just demand they add my art#and then a mod was like i didnt wanna put pressure on salmon but i thought about it so i was like bet#and then drew a server exclusive happy ferdinand emote#and that was the start of me somehow being able to have like.... ten emotes in that server#some of them were just me joking and then mods encouraging me#cause i used to use felix for every single art prompt theyd give and one week someone said the prompt was pog#and i just was so upset because dude why would i wanna draw felix for that hes not pog#so a mod was like hey if you make a pog felix emote we ill add it to the emotes here#so i once again was like bet and then posted it and then they really added it lmao#anyway sorry for so many rambles please feel free to use them on discord in whatever server#i cant really expect everyone to credit me but also im not really concerned since i fear people know my nands a mile away
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what kind of frivolity would you engage in, mecha?
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#mecha sonic#scrapnik mecha sonic#scrapnik island#sonic fanart#sonic fandom#arting#msab#good MORNING. i have given myself many emotions about mecha's big stupid cape. like a fool. such is the way i suppose#god ive been dying to get to this one. do you get it. do you understand#victories; if not on your own terms. achievements; if not the ones you thought you wanted. childhood dreams that never die.#which on that note yeah this is also my favorite one for showing eggman-era mecha as like#''yeah hes hes the most arrogant and murderous jackass on the planet but hes also like 17.''#& therefore kind of a lame little nerd by default. he thinks capes are sooooooo coool#we were all stupid kids once but sometimes u get older and u still wanna paint your house purple. and sometimes u still want a cool cape#it occurs to me that actual 17-year-olds may see this and to that i say: sorry. you guys are fine do ya thang.#its just that im 29 and have grey hair and shit so i have a certain Perspective on being 17 is all. & scrapnik mecha is like mid-30's to me#i knoooowwww he loves his big stupid cape so much. look at the refsheets with his dumbass spines poking holes through the the hood#tell me he has not made a COMMITMENT to wearing that hood despite being built in a way that makes that incredibly inconvenient#u look at nathalie fourdraine's christmas scrapniks post and tell me he isnt having so much fun#being all decorated and swishing around in that Even Bigger And Stupider Cape & shawl w/ his friends#hes so funny for that he's generally such a serious kinda character but on god he does also love some showmanship and flashiness.#i want to make it clear btw i also think capes are awesome i literally cosplay a guy with Two [2] capes.#& mecha is basically the coolest ever. but also hes still funny for that
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truly i love all of you and i'm so grateful for all the support i get on my vanilla milkshake posts here because i've just seen the way people talk about vanilla milkshake and mysticao on twitter and its genuinely taken 50 years off my life. now i've been reminded as to why i should never join the crk fandom on twitter
#its not even just twitter but the comments i get on tiktok all the time make me want to blow myself up genuinely#on twitter i just saw a thread about mysticao going like Oh durr how can u ship it after reading ep 4#and then proceeds to post a reply saying “enemies to lovers is really good if its done well!! but theyre just torturing each other here” ??#so you dont like enemies to lovers then . what do you think enemies to lovers means ??? they just argue sometimes? lol#also wdym “if its done well” we haven't gotten the full lore of the beasts#and its implied that they only turned this way because they were wronged somehow#that + the amount of power and responsibility that having the full soul jam put on them it was literally a recipe for corruption#its not even as if dark cacao thinks mystic flour was just evil to be evil he literally CALLS HER OUT on being insecure#she wanted to create a world without individuality and without personal interests that could lead to harm of others#which i think is heavily tied to her backstory we havent seen yet#imo. this would in fact be enemies to lovers done well#i dont even ship them btw. but i feel obligated to defend it since i just hate ppl who take this stuff at face value#its such a shame that twitter people have the literacy skills of a 1st grader because i would love to post my crk art on there#and make some friends#but if ppl would be like Erm you cant ship shadowvanilla its hashtag toxic and a red flag!!#then like oookay lol whatever man#sorry for the yappathon#txt#not art#discourse
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this is your reminder to make ur cringy n self indulgent art bc cringe is dead and you gotta live life (I say, despite the fact i still feel a bit cringe but im being so brave abt it)
lettin myself post n do more art for myself so apologies for the more selfshippy art than usual
#artswin#tsp narrator#tspud narrator#selfship#oz rambles#in the tags oz rambles go brrrrr#been hyperfocused on the numbers for a while recently which is why ive been pretty low if uve seen sdkhf#but im starting to feel better so in an effort to let myself feel better im doin more self indulgent art#with these types of things i usually make myself as a generic gray human instead of my sona (or recently my sona fusion)#(the sona fusion has my white swoop but black irl hair)#but making this made me remember how much i love drawing myself with narry n i dont wanna get rid of that#i only made the generic gray human art just bc i wanted other ppl to insert themselves which i still wanna do#but at the same time *I GOTTA LET MYSELF BE CRINGE MAN THIS IS MY OLD GEEZER I CAN BE CRINGE FOR HIM*#anywho if yall havent seen my updated intros recently. i selfship with the narrator (specifically virgil) in a bff/qpr way#so it might look hella romantic and couply occasionally were just a couple of besties /pos#gonna tag it with a selfship name tho just so i can access my posts on it easier#n so if yall wanna block me n my cringe for any reason then feel free! /gen /nf#naroz#digitalmuse#(or smth idk ive seen ppl have pretty cool selfship names so i wanna try smth similar but who knows it could change) :P
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man just really not vibing with the fandom at large recently
#it's hard to explain#it's been really frustrating because i love this franchise and want to actively seek content for it#but every time i go into the tags#or even the discord channels#i end up seeing way more stuff that just annoys me than stuff i enjoy#plus there are lore developments that i just. don't like and want to ignore but i'm the only one i guess#hyperfixation-wise i'm still neck deep in it but man. i feel like i just. need to enjoy it by myself for a while#still gonna make art and posts of course#and chat with a few particular friends at least because i gotta fangirl about stuff to someone#but need to make an effort to step back from browsing the fandom because man it's only gonna make me annoyed and bitter#which is frustrating but. man
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i really gotta get better about listening to my own brain and needs when i'm making things. i've been working on a video and i'm almost finished (yippee!!), but drawing this One Specific Frame was giving me trouble. i could have just brute-forced my way through it and finalized the initial sketch, since it was relatively good enough. but instead i left it and took a day off from working on the project, let myself recharge, and came back to the sketch with fresh eyes today. and what do you know, my redrawn sketch today is WAY better! now, i can finalize that frame and be genuinely proud of it, instead of just powering through on something i was less than happy with.
i hadn't done any other art stuff that day when i couldn't get my sketches to look right, so letting myself stop and have a break from the project felt sort of "unearned" i guess. but it's just. what i needed! and the break did what i needed it to do; i was able to come back later and make something i could be proud of.
anyway i guess this is me saying that, if you're like me and have this weird morality-complex about letting yourself rest, it's ok to take breaks, even if you feel like you haven't "earned" one yet :)
#rye.txt#growing up i got very accustomed to ignoring my own needs and just 'powering through' when i wanted/needed to get something done#which worked out relatively ok for me in school (banging my head against a wall until my brain absorbed information leading to exhaustion)#but now that im doing work that is ostensibly for my own enjoyment#i have a hard time divorcing myself from that mindset#i feel guilty if im not constantly working#which is. not great! so im trying to unlearn that#trying to let myself think 'ok my brain isn't brain-ing right now. so i should stop and rest/do something else'#my actual job is Very Emotionally Draining so sometimes i just. can't find the energy to work on my art#which sucks!! cause i love making art!! and then i think to myself 'maybe making art will make you feel better'#but then when i try it's like scraping the bottom of a dry well. trying to find water#when what i need to do is rest and let the water well up from the ground itself#but resting is HARD when you tie your self-worth to how much you can work#ough ok this got a little vent-y sorry guys#I don't want to let myself fall into the 'content creation' mindset. cause I don't think i make 'content' i make ART#and art isn't something you can just pump out mindlessly#good art. art that i can be PROUD of. that takes time and intent and energy. and I can't make that if im just scraping the bottom of a well#vent in tags#this whole post is just 'riley vs the concept that taking breaks is a moral failing'
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Man, I still remember participating in one of the many jjba zines that I took part in and how my piece was placed as the first page (for the second time) and how one of my mutuals/artists that I’ve always admired, hit me with the “oh… you’re on the front page again… 😅…” like man, that kind of killed me lmfao. I never got over it like man, what was that about.
#it’s not like i put the books together myself or anything all my ass did was submit my work#like this was from a really popular and well known artist as well like#their art has always been so gorgeous to me too I was like ‘I’m literally a nobody is this person really being shady or…’#rambling#I guess it’s nice being in a zine with ppl I don’t know or care to get to know at least now 😭… just submitting my art and running#referring to the jjk zine 😭 I need t start working on it uhh#zines make me feel so anxious man#it really did make me feel bad and almost guilty? I was like this is kind of awkward…#another zine I was in which was run by a mutual… well… I never even got my zine in the mail#and I even sent them $20 for some merch that they were making since I wanted to support and never got that either…#they deleted their blog but I see that they remade and draw a lot of DM and have a lot of popular posts here so it’s kind of awkward seeing#their art shared on the dash sometimes skeks#we’re still mutuals on Twitter but I don’t rly want to ask about my zine again or the $20 bucks#it’s okay like I owe other ppl stuff too I’m a late bird man but still loskekk#they were the mod for the zine too#I might hit them up again I guess I still love their art and they were always fun to talk to#there was another zine that I participated in where we had to purchase our own copy bro#i remember being so annoyed by that but went ahead and bought it anyway#I was invited to this zine so it made me even more annoyed#I#Guess it didn’t make its money back#or something like that but I remember being broke at the time and was pissed that I had to pay for my own book#I didn’t buy any of the merch because why when it was supposed to be free#if you’re participating in a zine the book and merch should be free
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i feel like a part of my soul has been ripped from my chest and i dont know why.
#is this a bad time to mention i dont even believe in souls?#i really dk why.#no this isnt abt jiro somehow apparently having a loving family#(ok like. at least 1/4 of it is BUT STILL. NOT THE POINT)#(part of me feels awkward abt it bc just. huh? youre telling me. this guy. that i basically am the irl version of. has a loving family???)#(/j and all but just. idk part of me feels awkward now? it just. a guy who blew himself up for most of the same ideals i have)#(gets to have the one thing i yearn so very hard for. everyday of my life. but can never have.)#(ill get over this in like. 2 hours. hopefully. most of thats just shock anyways.)#just. for the past some days. besides a couple things and people. hurt and love havent really. made me feel much of anything#like being cared for by actual ppl even online. yeah. it still does but#even my fantasies don’t entertain me anymore#oh god am i becoming lopt. save me fuck#UNLESS this means i get mason as my bf. then hell fucking yeah (kidding kidding kIDDINGG i dont wanna be lopt. please.)#but srsly. usually i can envoke some sorta reaction from myself if its brutal enough#but. nothing.#id assume that im over doing it usually. but i havent in a good while#maybe this is some what where my art/writers block is coming from#whatever this hell is.#time to go on a spiral of mildly depressing and somewhat cryptic posts (cryptic if i didnt info dump in the tags that is)#why is it so hard to confront issues when you dont even know what the issue is?#i just. wanna be able to make myself feel something.#not in a “i have no one but myself” way for once. just. i dont wanna have to rely on others for my emotions#i want to feel a pang of hurt. yet it feels so empty. i dont want to harm myself. i just want to feel it.#anyways ig.#ig im gonna just sleep#which tbh im growing to hate bc like. i feel all i do is sleep. i sleep to avoid how much my own body hurts. i sleep to ignore my issues#i sleep to ignore the fact i keep forgetting to respond to people even though ik i have to at some point. i sleep to avoid the dread of not#getting anything done. i sleep just because im bored.#and im tired of sleeping.#but. it feels worse awake. my body hurts. my mind hurts. it all just hurts.
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Had some good food and some time to reflect, time for a brain break for a couple days :)
#orange posts#I’ve noticed I’ve felt really dissatisfied with my art the last couple days#not in a bad way#just knowing I have so many ideas and not enough time to make them all come to fruition#plus I’m trying to avoid burnout#I love creating and I love coming up with these whacky headcannons#but I also feel like I’m trying to do to much#and it’s taking the joy out of it#which I don’t want!!#I WANT to keep loving and finding joy in what I make#and if that means a break then so be it :)#it’s hard to remind myself and make myself take a break#but it’s necessary- and that’s okay too :)#breaks are good and needed to foster better growth#we stay on trying to maintain a healthy mindset 💪💪#I’ll still reblog for sure just no new art for a bit ;)
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and i often get upset with myself for complaining and venting as much as i do, or also for being as anxious as i am, but given the circumstances that I live in, I do think realistically I am being ... incredibly "well-behaved", all things considered. i could be acting so much worse.
but i do still wish i weren't so ... [gestures vaguely at this whole mess] because it's off-putting for people! and understandably so! but i wish i could make friends!
#i have tried hard to be niceys to be around but things seem to be taking a fairly steep nosedive in my life circumstances#which is . so cruel. because i am trying so hard to get onto welfare right now. i'm desperately trying to carve out a life for myself#but life seems determined to kick me out of it. i would just... really like things to be easy. if i'm honest. it always is such a fight.#i want something to be soft and kind and easy. just one thing perhaps. but i have to create it for myself (thank you art thank you stories)#at least i can create i suppose !!! if i cannot find softness then i will make it myself! if i cannot find love then i will make it myself!#anyways. i feel bad for venting here as much as i do. i try to keep it to myself as much as i can but things just get so isolating often#and there is smth somewhat comforting to put it somewhere where someone may see it. i am alive i am here i exist. you know?#alright pack it up this is ridiculous. shut up shut up shut up you poetry obsessed freak lmfao get out of here w that shit#post cancelled everyone go home we're logging out again. this mfer cannot be trusted with a keyboard and internet access#not even tagging this one. fuck off with this shit jesus christ my guy. shut UPPPP#delete later by order of Chase for the love of fuck LMFAO. i ain't even reading all that holy shit dude#this one freak rly logs in to write the worlds most embarrassing post and then runs away again. LOG OFF AND CRY ABT IT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON#posting literally just bc this is so embarrassing that its funny. shut UP my guy.#sorry if there's a tw i should add but genuinely i cannot be bothered to read over this and find out lmfao#delete later PLEASE lmao
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#Take with grain of salt - not exactly sad but will probably feel much dandier another time#Tonight I want so much to create - to make stories that will make others love what is good and true and beautiful#I have a condition which (among a lot of other things that are irrelevant to this post) causes me to feel very tired a lot of the time.#and I also tend to go through bouts of insomnia - in the middle of one now.#It's small potatoes compared to what a lot of my friends have to go through health-wise and I am grateful#(though i probably should be more so)#But - the point. I am just so tired all the time and I try to soldier through and be creative because that's the way my heart is shaped#But so often I just feel like the exhaustion sabotages everything and tonight I am just aching to be more creative than I've been#I'm not unhopeful about it - so many people go through this after all and end up making wonderful art. And there's something to be said for#patience and filling the creative well and trusting all to God. But tonight I feel - not sorry for myself thankfully - just very wistful.#Wanting to make something really beautiful and see it through the end and be more resilient in the face of the tiredness.#(Ha - my life is a good one if that's what's making me wistful!)#God can do whatever He wants with it and maybe the greater glory is for another time.#But I also wonder... I would not have been calling to Him unless He has been calling to me - and I hope!#OK - sentimental pout over. ;-)#neverending storytellers
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— fin.
alrighty, i will be cuddling the shit out of a certain dragon after this but before that, a small bonus (read: silly doodles) because we all need therapy after all that (or at least i do) -
1:
2:
"i had a nightmare."
"but i just went to buy milk-"
/silly
3:
we both have separation anxiety now so that's that 👍🏻
#rin plays ebg#'ebg afterparty' event#ok for REAL this time things are going to return to normal lol#i hope the ebg event was enjoyable for you as it was for me hehe#i loved every second of it#altho i was in pain™️ at the same time hskfjskjdlsjdlsfj#thank you for sending all the asks and rbs and creating entire POSTS for this event#thank you for your patience and encouragements for my noob art🙈#thank you for going along with my silly whims#thank you thank you thank you thank you <3#i can't express how grateful i am to have such a supportive and amazing community and friends. it still feels so unreal to me#if you missed the event i'll post a little masterlist latr so you can go through all the post. i mean i doubt anyone would be interested bu#it's more for me myself to go back and reread the asks bc man. that was so much fun. the most fun i had in a while tbh#literally the whole time of this event i nearly neglected genshin (and work but we dont speak about that-) HAHAHAHAH#gimme a bit to do the theme changes and such!! <3#i did not expect to get soo invested. i just wanted to make a mini au thingy for the ebg and.... and somehow..... this happened.........#i'll be reblogging some stuff from other people which are related the ebg too for the next few hours lol-#feel free to tag me if you want me to see anything you made!!#should i...... post the 'alternate ending' sketch....... HMMMMM...... it's so roughly drawn tho shdlfjskljdfk#rin selfships#zhongrin
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