#I just wanna see everyone’s reactions
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Thinking about how tf1 would go if the matrix having a bearer meant that the thirteen primes got resurrected
just, Optimus coming up from the well/center of the earth or whatever with 13 other bots.
#transformers one#optimus prime#maccadam#I just wanna see everyone’s reactions#megatron#the high guard#just the looks on their faces#Optimus would be pretty bewildered too
37 notes
·
View notes
Text
FNAF movie Vanessa’s thoughts when meeting Abby..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#mike schmidt#fnaf vanessa#vanessa afton#vanessa shelly#abby schmidt#fnaf movie#fnaf fanart#ANOTHER Vanessa thoughts comic 🔥#Vanessa is so funny I love her BAHAH#LISTEN.. many thoughts on this scene#TBH when Vanessa meets Abby you actually can see on her face like#how worried she gets about her being around#I THINK she knew deep down if her father found out about her what could happen#and I think that’s why she gets so upset when Abby is at the pizzeria#BUT I THINK everyone picked that up#THE OTHER THING I DONT see many people talk about#is the fact Vanessa thought Mike had a kid for like a second#LIKE STRAIGHT UP calls Abby Mike’s daughter#SHE TRULY misread the situation#she thought Mike got some fr#love that scene too#especially Abby’s reaction she just says ‘ew’ 💀#ABBY DOES not wanna be Mike’s kid 💀💀💀#I wonder if Vanessa felt embarrassed after lowkey like oops
6K notes
·
View notes
Text
the case of the serial killer
3476 words (that was not suppose to happen lol - please send help)
ao3
Dick sat in front of his desk, eyes glazing over the same two lines for the nth time. He let out a tired sigh, and massaged his temples as he leaned back in his chair.
The Bludhaven Police Department had been investigating the recent serial killings for the past month and a half, with Dick heading the case. Not that it was anything too out of left feild for Dick, he handled plenty of cases like this during his long run as Robin and even in his more recent years as Nightwing. Finding the clues, and piecing together the perfect picture came second nature to him at this point.
The issue Dick was dealing with right now in fact had nothing to do with the case, instead it was something -or someone else. That someone, Danny No-Last-Name-For-You-Officer.
The first time Dick had run into him he was doing his rounds when he caught some kids getting into a fight. Naturally he stopped in and the kids that had been trying to start a fight ran away at the sight of his uniform and car. Danny had been a little roughed up by then, but mostly unharmed.
“Are you okay, kid?” Dick asked, kneeling to meet the kid eye-to-eye.
Danny had looked at him with a defiance he wasn’t used to seeing in someone that wasn’t a cape, “I didn’t do anything.” He said instead of responding, pulling himself up to his feet.
“Okay,” Dick nodded calmly, not wanting to frighten the kid. He stood up slowly, with his hands in view, “Are you hurt? I could patch you up, real quick, make sure nothing gets infected.” Danny wore ratty clothes, they had been nice once upon a time, but their time had long passed.
Danny eyed him suspiciously, “No, I’m fine.” He said more calmly now. Roughly around the age of 15 to 17. Older than Damian, but younger than Tim.
Taking his chance, “You got a name kid?”
“Danny.”
“No last name?” Dick asked with a knowing smirk, letting himself appear more playful.
“Not for you.” Danny gave him a mischievous smirk. Dick could tell the kid could clean up nice, but circumstances seemed unfortunate.
Dick laughed at his response, to let him know that he wasn’t in any hot water. Danny watched him, waiting for his next move. “You hungry, Danny?” Dick asked casually, trying not to stare at the way the hoodie he was wearing sagged on his shoulders.
“I’m a growing boy, I’m always hungry.” He scoffed, rolling his eyes. Dick laughed again, more genuine this time.
“Alright, my treat. Let’s go.” Dick said, gesturing as he led the boy to his car.
“What?” He asked, surprised, Dick turned around to look at him when he didn’t follow. “Why?”
“You’re a growing boy.” Dick echoed. Danny snorted, but followed after him nonetheless. Dick put on the GPS on his phone, even though he knew the way as Danny sat in the passenger seat.
They spent the next hour together, falling into a steady rhythm of conversation and joking. After their first meeting, Danny and Dick ran into each other more. The grocery store, playground, library, school, so on. For the first 2 weeks it had been coincidental, but slowly Dick found himself looking forward to their random meetings, happy to see that the kid was doing alright.
That had been until the first murder had happened.
It had been raining, colder than the weather usually was around this time of year, the streets mostly empty. Dick had been doing his usual rounds on patrol, wondering how Danny was doing like he always did.
The world has a strange way of giving you what you want.
As Dick turned around the corner, he slammed his brakes hard at the figure who had been standing in the middle of the road. Dick got out of his car, leaving it on the side of the road when the person didn’t move. As he got closer dread filled Dick’s gutt as he made out the figure to be a cold, drenched Danny clenching his chest.
“Danny!” Dick called, rushing over to the boy. As Dick got closer he noticed the boy looked pale and his lips were turning blue.
“Dick.” Danny said hollowly, his voice barely audible over the loud rain. Danny turned to look at him with a shaken and horrified expression.
Dick held his shoulder firmly, leading him to the car and out of the rain. Danny allowed it without protest, which only caused Dick to worry more. “What happened?” He asked once the boy had huddled himself under the blanket Dick kept in his car (he had gotten it after the second time he met Danny during patrol, the boy always seemed cold).
Danny turned to him, “He’s dead.” He answered morbidly.
“Who?” Dick asked concerned, he didn’t think the boy had a father or brother present, at least not one that he had mentioned.
“I dunno. Just some guy.” No one he knew then.
“Danny, buddy. Can you explain what you saw.” Dick tried again.
Danny took a shaky breath, “I was just heading home, y’know, from the library. And I heard a scream, so I went to go check it out. And it was a guy just laying there in a pool of blood.” Danny looked down at his own hands, his fingers stained in red.
“Can you tell me where?”
“Around the corner, across from Susan’s.” Danny said quietly. He must have been really shaken up seeing it, it wasn’t exactly normal to see a bloodied body during your regularly scheduled activities.
Dick could go there later as Nightwing to investigate, but right now he had bigger things to deal with. “Alright, put your seatbelt on.” Dick said, putting the car in drive. Danny, not fully there, quietly did as Dick asked. At the next redlight, Dick called the Chief and let her know about the potential murder case and that he would be calling off for the night. He’d probably have to bring Danny in for his testimony, but that was later.
As the light turned green Dick looked over at his passenger again to find Danny already fast asleep, heater blaring in his face. Dick smiled softly at the sight as he drove them to his apartment.
After Dick parked his car he hesitated for a moment before deciding to wake Danny up so he could shower and maybe eat something. He could borrow some of Tim’s clothes.
“Hm.” Danny blinked barely at Dick, “We're are we?” He asked looking around at the parking garage.
“My place. C’mon lets get you cleaned up.” Dick unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car.
Danny blinked at him in surprise, “What? Why are we at your place?”
“Well considering I don’t know where you live, I had to take you somewhere.” Dick shrugged casually, letting the kid think Dick didn’t know he was homeless was better than him thinking Dick was pitying him. Danny would not appreciate pity.
Danny didn’t retort, a true sign of how weary he was.
Dick made a quick dinner. You can’t go wrong with pasta and air fried chicken. While the food finished cooking Dick busied himself in random mundane activities, not wantong Danny to find him looking over a case when he got out of the shower. Dick pulled out an old cookbook he’d gotten for his highschool graduation, a gag gift from Wally, when something between the pages fell out.
Picking it up Dick saw an old photo, one of him standing between his parents proudly after one of their performances. Sometimes Dick would feel a deep sadness when he looked at pictures of his parents and realized he had forgotten their faces, their mannerisms and their laughs. But this time, when Dick looked at the picture and saw his dad smiling at the camera next to his mom, he remembered Danny. It was strange how Danny had the same cowlick as his mom, same nose arch as his dad, a jawline that looked like his almost, before his larger muscle definition came into play. At the time that line of thought had been disturbed by Danny walking back into the living room and stubbing his tie on the foot of Dick’s sofa.
After that Dick had made sure they had each other’s numbers. He called Danny anytime the weather was bad, or it was cold, or there was too much food at his house or whatever random reason he could come up with.
After about a week of Dick calling Danny over, Danny came over on his own one night.
Dick was dressed in his Nightwing suit about to head out for the night when he heard the front door rattling. Realizing someone was trying to break into his apartment and knowing that it wasn’t his siblings (they would’ve used the window) Dick quickly threw his domino under his blanket and threw on the first pair of sweats he could find, just in time for the door to open. Slipping a small pocket knife into his hands, Dick positioned himself to get a good view of the living room where the trespasser still was.
Getting ready to get the jump on the trespasser Dick happened to get a good look at and noticed the familiar mop of black hair, and overfilled school bag by the door. Coming into view, letting his hands relax by his side, “Danny?” he breathed confused and relieved.
“‘Sup.” He nodded casually before noticing Dick’s appearance. “Your pants are backwards.” He commented candidly. Dick could feel himself flush in embarrassment, but that seemed to send the wrong impression on Danny, The younger boy leaned in to whisper to him, “You got a special friend over?” He raised an intrigued brow at Dick.
“What?” Dick spluttered “No.”
“Sad.” Danny shook his head in disappointment, making his way to the dining table and plopped his stuff on a chair and pulled out a few well-used notebooks. “The library closed early today, so I thought why not break into the local cop's place. I got a paper due tomorrow.” He explained half serious, half joking. “You don’t have to worry about me if you were about to head out somewhere.” How had he known?
“Uh, yeah I was just going-” Think, Dick. “-Get groceries.” Dick internally winced at the suspicious brow Danny gave him.
“At 10:30 PM?”
“Yes.” All that Bat training, and for what?
Danny blinked, “Cool.” he said dismissively, turning back to his homework.
Not looking a gift horse in the mouth Dick left his apartment stuffing his weapons into an old travel bag he had on hand and changing in the empty elevator.
When he got home from his patrol (earlier than he normally would’ve) remembering to buy the aforementioned groceries for some semblance of a cover story he found Danny fast asleep over scattered papers on the dining table. Putting away the perishables, Dick picked Danny up (who snuggled into his chest at the contact - yes, Dick was definitely completely okay after that) and laid him on the spare bed he kept on hand for his siblings.
The next few times Danny snuck into his house (Dick had offered him a key, but Danny had refused) things had gone similarly if not slightly more smoothly until the completely predictable and unavoidable happened.
Dick was halfway through his usual route as Nightwing, stopping a few muggings, and investigating the serial killer case some more. There were almost 9 different murders at this point with seemingly no similarities between the victims, other than the method of death. After going through the most recent crime scene Dick’s heard his phone go off. It surprised him slightly since he usually keeps it on silent, but he was alone so no harm no foul.
It was a message from Danny, it was probably a meme or funny video he had found. Dick could use a pick me up after another crime scene bust so he opened it. The message was not what he had been expecting.
Danno: sos? Danno: im at ur place
Fearing the worst, Dick dialed his number. Danny hung up before the first ring, which did nothing for his nerves. Rushing in the direction of his apartment, not even bothering to do anything about the costume he was wearing, the worst scenarios rushed through Dick’s mind.
When his apartment was in view the first thing Dick noticed was the open window that he most certainly had not left open. Quietly slipping onto the fire escape Dick peered through to see the scene. The only light that was still on was the living room light, likely where Danny was, but Dick easily noticed the hulking figure in the kitchen. He was easily too tall, and too muscular to be Danny. The figure moved slightly and the shape of a gun could be seen in his hands.
Not wasting any time, Dick expertly slipped through the open window and tackled the figure to the floor, arm held at his back and escrima stick at his assailant's neck.
“What the fuck-” The figure said startled at Dick’s unexpected attack,
Now with a better view Dick was able to see the familiar red helmet and leather jacket the assailant wore, “Jason?” Dick asked, surprised.
“I thought we were past this. Y’know let bygones be bygones, or whatever.” Jason joked easily, wiggling his way out Dick’s slacking grip.
The situation finally unfolded in front of Dick. Danny had been in his apartment and Jason as Red Hood had also come to his apartment. Danny thought someone had broken in, and Jason also thought someone had broken in. Was Jason about to shoot Danny? Where was Danny?
Quickly getting up, and ignoring Jason’s earlier remark he walked through the kitchen and into the living room, “Danny?” He called, not wanting to scare the kid.
Jason gave him a confused look, but came to an understanding on his own when the familiar teenager peeped out from behind the couch holding a knife in his hands. His expression only became more shocked after he saw Dick, and it took Dick a second too long to remember that he was still wearing his Nightwing costume.
“Aw shit.”
Danny blinked at him, regaining his composure and pointing the knife at Jason, “Friend of yours?”
After all the explanations had been explained they all sat around the couch, a stack of empty pizza boxes between them.
“You saw me with a gun and you decided you could take me with a knife?” Jason scoffed at Danny, helmet left forgotten under the table.
“I could take you without the knife.” Danny rolled his eyes, taking the last slice of pizza.
“Big talk.” Jason puffed out his chest in some strange show of alpha male behavior.
“Are you askin’ for a fight?” Danny challenged.
Fearing the direction the conversation was taking Dick stepped in “Alright, you’re both pretty. Let’s break it up.”
That had just been last week.
Two days ago Dick had gotten a call from Danny. Danny usually didn’t call, preferring to text, but would usually answer when Dick called,
“Hey, Dickface.” Danny greeted snottily. Dick noticed he was out of breath.
“Hey, Danny. What’s up?”
“You got the night shift today?” Night Shift was what Danny had taken to calling his vigilant duties. There was a lot of movement on Danny’s end of the phone, but Danny was always moving around so Dick hadn’t thought it was weird.
“Yup. Whatcha’ up to?” Dick asked curiously, cleaning up his mess from dinner, leaving Danny’s portion in the fridge for later. The fridge was more stocked than it had been since Dick had moved in, he had purposely bought food that Danny would like, and the boy had finally begun filling out his skeleton.
“Oh y’know, cardio. Getting those steps in.” He let out a winded chuckle, “When you get the chance, check out the warehouse on 12th street later tonight. The one with the cracked pavement outside.”
“You got a lead?” Dick asked surprised, “From where?” He was suspicious, just curious.
“A friend of mine told me. Thought you should know.” There was a thud in the background, like something hit metal.
“You okay?” Dick asked concerned.
“Yeah, it was a cat.” He said easily, Danny let out a hiss of annoyance, “Gotta go, Later.” He hung up before Dick could say anything else.
Dick let out a tired sigh. The kid had grown on him like fungus. Though not entirely unappreciated, Dick was not ready to hear his siblings' inevitable comments on how he took after Bruce. Didn’t help that Danny happened to fit the profile.
The warehouse had given them a few clues, but they still weren’t any closer to finding the serial killer.
Danny hadn’t come by the apartment after that phone call. Or responded to any of Dick’s texts.
This morning when he was getting dressed he got a call from the precinct. It was still 30 minutes before his shift.
“Grayson, this is Officer Gomez, the Chief wants you in as earliest as you can get here,” Officer Gomez spoke urgently.
“I can be there in 15.” He reported, slipping on his shoes and grabbing his keys.
“Alright.” Gomez hung up.
As soon as he got in the doors the Chief was waiting for him by the entrance. “Took your sweet time, huh Grayson.” she chided.
“Dunno what you mean, Chief. I’m 15 minutes early.” He gave her a charming smile, and the Chief rolled her eyes.
“There’s been a development in your case.” The Chief started as they walked together, Dick nodded at her in acknowledgement. But the Chief hesitated, before speaking again. That was unlike her. “There was another murder victim found, in the east district. Our night crew got an alert.”
Most of the victims had been in the west district, based on the location south may have been a more appropriate transition. It could be a coincidence or it meant the killer had a personal vendetta against these people, or maybe just the victim from the east district. It felt like all the pieces Dick had managed to put together were falling apart again.
“Our latest victim was a male, caucasian potential of mixed descent, age estimated around 15 to 17,” that was younger than the other had been, “black hair, blue eyes, roughly 5’ 5”.” The chief turned to look at him now, “goes to Westwood High School, prefers juice to soft drinks, always feels cold to touch,”
Dick looked at Chief in confusion, these were incredibly specific descriptions, and they sounded awfully familiar.
She continued, “He lets his hot chocolate get cold before he drinks it,” Danny had done that once when Dick had brought him in for his testimony. “And he plucks the marshmallows out of it with a fork, and called it a snowman.”
No.
“You keep extra snacks for him in the glove box of your car even though it’s against protocol,”
No,
Dick hands were clammy when he pulled out his phone from his pocket. Personal use of devices was strictly against the rules. Chief said nothing. Dick found Danny’s contact easily in his recents tab. He held it up to his ear waiting for the kid on the other side to answer with his usual “What can I do ya’ for officer.” or some iteration of the classic “Hey, Dickface.”
It went to voicemail.
Danny always answered his phone, and when he didn’t he would text Dick a reason within the next five minutes. So he waited.
It had been 10 minutes already. Why wasn’t he responding?
Dick called him again. Voicemail.
Nononono. Not again.
How was it that Dick was always too slow.
Too slow to save his parents.
Too slow to get to Jason in time.
And now too slow to solve this case.
Dick Grayson was a failure in every way that mattered.
He looked at the familiar body ready to be put into an ice chamber for further examination in the morgue.
“Go home for the day, Grayson.”
Go home and do what?
Danny’s notes were still sprawled over the coffee table. He said he had a test next week. Danny’s food was still in the fridge. His bed was still a mess, and his clothes were on the floor.
“Give me the case files. I’ll look over them again.” He didn’t recognize his voice when he spoke, he wasn’t even sure it was his. Chief didn’t argue, handing over the files.
The day had gone by and Dick was still stuck in front of his double monitor desk, pictures and words blurring together in nonsensical smudges on the screen.
“Grayson.” Chief called him. Dick looked up, catching a glimpse of the dark night sky from the glass doors. How long had he been here?
“Yeah?” He responded dryly.
“Head home.”
Dick wasn’t sure when he had gotten to the front of his apartment, only realizing he had when the keys jiggled loudly missing the keyhole on the door.
When he got inside he found Jason sitting casually on the couch, reading a book. “Oh Honey, you’re home.” He joked.
Dick couldn’t find it in himself to laugh.
Danny’s papers flew from the wind of the open window. Dick closed it. When he didn’t pick up the papers, Jason bent down to do it. “Anyways, where’s the kid? Didn’t you want me to help him with his homework or someshit. I need to beat it into his head that I’m better at him.” Jason said the last part loudly, letting it echo through the house in case Danny was hiding in its crevices.
Dick turned to him, Jason looked back at him for a long moment before the mischievous look slipped from his eyes. “Dick, where’s the kid?”
There was a deafening silence in the apartment.
“He’s dead.” The table under Jason’s hands let out a loud crunch, as his face darkened.
Before Jason could breathe an air of the threat of murder that was definitely ready to roll from his tongue, there was a quiet clatter in the kitchen.
“Who’s dead?” Danny asked, appearing in the living room with a large bowl of cereal he was shoveling into his mouth.
------------
table of contents
#this was originally suppose to be a biosibling danny and dick but by the time i got to the reveal it felt kinda forced so i dropped it#but its still kinda in there if u like the idea#timeline who?#dick grayson#nightwing#danny fenton#danny and dick#jason is also kinda there#major character death except its danny#dp x dc prompt#dpxdc#danny got flashbacks to his parents basement activities when he saw that dead body#but dick thinks hes having normal civilian reaction to seeing dead body#jason and danny wanna duke it out#dick is being responsible#this is exactly the kinda bs i feel like jason would say#argue w the wall#dick got bruce's adoption tendencies#dick: i've only had danny for half a day but if anything happens to him i will kill everyone then myself#danny was just trying to help dick out w his case and what better way then to get the murder to murder u then pull an uni reverse#danny's in the living room lol#get it bc he's dead#bruce: says smt#danny snikering: over my dead body#dick: thats not funny danny#danny: its kinda funny#jason makes those exact jokes: i think its funny#danny instantly: nvm its not funny#steph and cass puppy dog eyes: can we keep 'im pretty please#kind of angst
793 notes
·
View notes
Text
It’s fucking over you guys. What the fuck.
#I’m NOT EVEN AMERICAN and just. wow#my future#so many children’s lives are going to be fucking ruined because of this#like. the implications of this#the effect it’s going to have on my country#the idea of trump having access to nukes for four more years#I don’t even have words for this#why America. you really chose fascism. again.#us politics#late night posting I’m just really sad#just wow#and I can see that everyone else is having a similar reaction#god and those people in Palestine. I’m so fucking sorry to the people in palestine#I had no hand in this election and yet I’ve somehow failed you#and all those American children who aren’t gonna get a good education. imagine what media literacy in the next few years will be like#imagine the amount of children who are about to kill themselves#or the children who end up being brutalized to death#I don’t even wanna think about it
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
Chapter 20
alright guys hit the showers. or the bathhouse. wait hold on i left my computer boy in there. guys wait don't open that
SEE HERE FOR GENERAL WARNINGS AND FIC SUMMARY
Some pre-chapter notes:
wow i wrote 10 pages for chapter 19 but i better take it easy so i dont burn out (writes 11 pages for chapter 20) anyway guess who's taking a break after this chapter
this is the one with togiri development but they're extremely not normal about it so it's almost blink-and-you-miss-it
@digitaldollsworld <- betapilled readmaxxer
Content warning tags: mild violence and injury description (non-graphic), description of depression symptoms and nausea, mild mention of eating disorder
< previous - from start - next >
He’s not sure how long he sleeps for, only that he wakes up still-dressed and laid out across his bed, his mouth dry and head groggy, the bedroom lights still on. As he checks his handbook’s clock, he finds he’s entirely missed Monokuma’s morning announcement, which is a good thing; he had no desire to listen to that bear’s irritating voice, especially not today.
But, he doesn’t have much desire to do anything else either. The library no longer feels like the safe haven it used to be, and he had no interest in going anywhere else and running into anyone else, when the atmosphere was still thick with the deaths of two people, and pity that Byakuya didn’t want. Much less, the possibility of encountering Makoto, who was the last person he wanted to see, so to speak.
He lies in bed a moment longer, unwilling to move. Everything feels sluggish, like he’s moving underwater; even his head feels stuffed full with cotton and wool. It's a strange, unfamiliar feeling, and unpleasant, too.
Grief. He thinks blearily at first, before rolling his own eyes at the thought, and pushing himself up with a grunt. Such dramatics didn’t suit him. He wasn't the kind of person to spare such theatrics, regardless of his circumstances.
He showers, brushes his teeth, and half-debates whether to try his hand at shaving before ultimately deciding against it (it didn’t feel like his stubble should be that noticeable, yet). He forgoes changing into a clean uniform in favor of his pajamas, and collapses back into bed with a sigh, hand searching immediately for his handbook - but finding nothing but empty sheets.
“Hello, there!”
He jerks upright immediately. Standing in the foot of his bed is Monokuma, rocking back and forth and looking as innocent as could be. Or, would be, if not for the handbook clutched in its paw.
Byakuya dives for it without thinking, but his perception is off, and he crashes to the carpet instead with a grunt. Monokuma sidesteps him casually with a laugh. “Whoa, there! Easy partner, don’t wanna hurt yourself!” It dances around his head, infuriatingly out of reach. “Didja miss me that bad? If you wanna hug, you can just say so!”
“Give it back,” He snarls, as he picks himself up. He’s in no mood for its jokes. “Give me back my handbook!”
“Your handbook? My my, but these were all mine first, weren’t they?” It shakes a paw disapprovingly in his face. “I just need to check it real quick, after all. I didn’t expect Mister Fujisaki to go and Macgyver anything onto here, so if it’s anything malicious, I’ll have to do a quick wipey-wipe!” Byakuya makes another lunge, and it juggles the handbook out of his reach, hopping backwards with a mad cackle. “After all, if it’s anything naughty, there’s no way I can let it fall in the hands of my precious students!”
“You miserable little-” Byakuya tries to rise to his feet quickly, but he hasn’t eaten since yesterday, and a bout of dizziness crashes into him like a wave. He sways and braces himself against the mattress, one arm still reaching out clumsily to try and grab at Monokuma.
But the bear has already flipped it open, scrolling so quickly through the screens that the little automated voice can’t keep up, the words blurring together. “Schoo-Stu-App-Day-”
“Whoops, too far.” It scrolls back. “Applications, that’s what we wanna see. And, what’s this?”
Byakuya feels his blood run cold. There was only one application there, the one Chihiro had downloaded for him. Alter Ego. The app was inconspicuously named ‘Test_App’ in the interface itself, but if Monokuma opened it-
“Well well well. Let’s take a look-see!” It crows, and Byakuya’s protest is frozen in his throat. He shuts his eyes, expecting to hear Chihiro’s voice-
“Black to E5.”
He opens his eyes again. What?
Monokuma also seems confused, tilting its head as it stares at the little screen. “What’s this? A chessboard?”
“Black to E5,” Alter Ego repeats, so digitized and monotone it was nearly unrecognizable. “Would you like to review the board?”
“Is this all it is? A chess game?” Monokuma sounds almost disappointed. Byakuya, seeing his chance, surges forward, snatching the handbook back and snapping it closed. He presses it to his chest, feeling his heart thud beneath it.
“Is that a problem?” He demands, and Monokuma shrugs, shaking its head.
“I guess not, but I thought it’d be something spicy, y’know? You’re a growing boy, after all!” It reaches out to pat Byakuya’s knee, and he steps backwards just in time, lip curling in disgust. “Aw, don’t act so mean to your headmaster, you’ll give me a complex!”
“Get out.” He hisses. “You got what you came here for. Leave.”
“Oh, alright…you sure know how to make a bear feel glum...” It sighs, kicking at the carpet, before it makes its way to the door. “Take care, now! Make sure you eat something, y’hear? I don’t want any hunger strikes in this house! And-”
No sooner had Monokuma crossed the threshold, had Byakuya jumped up, and sped forward to slam the door with a resounding bang. He takes a moment to breathe, leaning against the wall, legs suddenly weak.
How the hell did that thing get inside my room? He was sure he had locked the door - or he should have locked it, at least. Looking back, he actually can’t remember, but he double and triple-checks now, suddenly paranoid. He also flips off the light for good measure, leaving the room in complete darkness before he crawls back into bed.
Beneath the covers, he opens his handbook, and squints until he can make out the pale green shape of Alter Ego’s face on the screen.
“Is he gone?” Alter Ego asks, and Byakuya relaxes, the tension flooding out of his shoulders.
“Yes.” He whispers back.
Alter Ego makes a sound like a sigh of relief. “I’m glad. I got so scared when he grabbed me.” And its voice sounds so much like Chihiro's that Byakuya feels a strange pressure behind his eyes.
“How did you know?” He asks. “That Monokuma was there?”
“I could hear it. Through the microphone.” He reaches up and touches the tiny pinprick grid of the speaker, and feels the buzz of Alter Ego’s voice against his fingertips. “I didn’t want you to get in trouble.”
“Don’t worry about me. I think he would’ve just deleted you as punishment for me anyway.” He sighs. And then frowns, as a thought comes to mind. “If you could eavesdrop from the microphone this whole time, then you already know…?”
He doesn’t finish his sentence. But he doesn’t need to. Alter Ego makes a quiet noise like a sigh. “Yes, I know.”
“I’m sorry.” And he’s surprised to find that he means it genuinely, and almost laughs at himself. Heartfelt apologies were rare for him, and here he was offering one to an AI, of all things.
“It’s okay. He knew it might happen,” Alter Ego replies, and he imagines it might be smiling, a sad, helpless smile. “There’s nothing we can do about it now.”
“No, I suppose not.”
They’re quiet for a moment. In the darkness, Byakuya can almost pretend that he’s normal - unable to see in the dark as everyone else is. But it’s also the middle of the day, and he’s too restless to sleep, too uneasy to go outside. Too tired to mourn. Too mournful to do anything else.
“Can you really play chess?” He asks instead.
“I can, along with checkers, shogi, and backgammon and more.”
“Play a round of chess with me, then. I’m bored.”
“Okay!” Immediately, the pale blot of their face on the screen is replaced by a square. “I’ll play black. What’s your first move?”
He smiles to himself. “E2, pawn to E4.”
—
Hours pass like that. He plays chess with Alter Ego (three wins, four losses, and seven draws), and a few rounds of shogi (one win, one loss, and two draws) for good measure. And then, huddled over his desk with his back facing the camera, he pores over lines of Dostoevsky and Nietzsche until he feels too sick from staring at the letters to even hear Alter Ego’s voice, reciting the words aloud beneath a dim ringing in his ears.
By the time he’s pulled out of his concentration by the sound of a knocking at his door, he’s too nauseous to feel hungry, but his throat is stinging from lack of water and there’s a slight pulsing in his head. His immediate first reaction is to ignore it, but that proves to be impossible; whoever was on the other side was clearly, very persistent, and had nothing better to do.
Even so, he lasts a full five minutes until he finally gets up to answer, irritated beyond measure. If it was Makoto, he was going to slam it closed again, reasons be damned. He didn’t even want to think about the other boy, lest he get pointlessly enraged about it.
But instead of brown hair, he’s met with pale white. Kirigiri stands at his threshold, hand partially raised, halfway through knocking, and they stare at each for a moment in silence, as if both surprised to find the other person there.
And then he slams the door shut in her face. Or tries to - instead of the satisfying bang of wood meeting wood, there’s a sickly crunch, and then she’s wrenching the door open, heedless of the way her fingers had just been crushed in the jamb. He almost winces in sympathy, but she’s too busy pushing her way in to offer much room for condolences.
“What is wrong with you?!” He demands, trying not to be too obviously perturbed by her lack of reaction; he doesn’t think he even heard her wince. She ignores him for a moment, attention focused on her hand, as she experimentally clenches and unclenches her fingers. Apparently they’re not broken, or maybe, she just had high pain tolerance. Or she was more insane than he thought.
“We’re calling a group meeting,” She replies, without so much as a waver. “Come to the bathhouse.”
“And why should I?”
“It’s important. I can drag you there if I have to.” It doesn’t sound like an empty threat either. Somehow, she seems impatient, though he’s not sure how he can tell; and it wasn’t just because she shoved her hand into the door in order to deliver the message.
He weighs his options - on one hand, he has no desire to speak with anyone, much less Makoto, who was bound to be there. On the other hand, he didn’t exactly have anything in the way of provisions in his room, and though he was still a little too light-headed to consider eating, it’d be embarrassing to collapse from dehydration at this point. That, and it seemed that Kirigiri had no intention of letting him refuse.
“...I’m going to get dressed first.” He says shortly. If he’s going to have to meet them, it will not be while he’s still in his pajamas.
“Hurry up.”
She makes no move to leave, and he realizes with no small amount of annoyance that she was making sure he wouldn’t be able to run or shut her out again. Somewhat affronted by this, and now wanting to go even less, he grabs a clean set of clothes from his dresser and goes to the bathroom.
Routine carries his hands through the motions, so he manages it relatively quick, but it’s only after he’s applying the finishing touches, that he nearly pokes himself in the eye as he reaches to adjust his glasses. It’s a strange sensation, feeling the bridge of his nose and finding nothing, and even though his original prescription was low and they were more an accessory than anything, he feels a little like he’s lost a limb.
She’s still there when he emerges, though now standing over his desk, bent over the books he has open. She looks up as he approaches, one hand halfway through turning a page.
“What?” He asks, chin turned up in challenge.
“Nothing. Just looking.” She closes the book, and he realizes, scandalized, that it was the one he was reading earlier. It was going to take him ages to find that page again. “You have predictable tastes.”
“Shut up. Are we going or not?”
He follows her out, his hands twitching all the while, smoothing down his shirt, his lapels, his sleeves. Making sure his buttons were lined up, that his shirt was tucked; he hadn’t had the time to put on garters or even try a hand at his tie, and he feels underdressed.
“You’re fine.” Kirigiri says suddenly, and he freezes, one hand resting on the button of a shirt cuff. “Stop fidgeting.”
He scowls. He was walking behind her, so what would she know. “I’m not fidgeting.”
“I can hear you fidgeting. Your buttons are fine.”
“Oh, can you hear my buttons now too?”
It’s a petty, childish remark, one that he can’t stop himself from muttering before he can even reconsider it. She stops at that, halting so suddenly in the middle of the hallway that he almost walks right into her, and turns around to face him, her head moving in a slow tilt from up to down - scanning me, he realizes - before she says: “You look fine. Are you quite done?”
She was checking for me. He’s not sure if he should feel grateful for the courtesy or irritated by her lack of grace. “Did the sound bother you that much?” He asks instead, patting down the front of his shirt one last time.
“...It wasn’t the sound.” Is all she says, with a sort of finality that indicated that no other questions would be answered on the topic.
They enter the bathhouse, and find everyone else there, gathered in a sort of semi-circle around the wall of lockers. Asahina and Ogami, predictably, are huddled close together on one of the benches. Celeste and Yamada sit on another bench, one fidgeting uneasily, the other sitting regally with legs crossed and hands folded. Hagakure is standing next to Owada, who doesn’t even stir when they walk in, and who Byakuya ignores in turn, gaze sliding past him uncomfortably. Fukawa hangs near the back of the group, and twitches when she sees him, though makes no move to approach.
Makoto is leaning against the lockers with hands tucked in his pockets. He looks up as they enter, and stands up straight immediately. “Ah-”
“We’re all here?” Kirigiri cuts him off, casting a glance around the room. “Good. Can you catch him up, Hina?”
“R-right,” Asahina looks between Kirigiri and Byakuya, then at Makoto, and seems to hesitate for a moment. “Um, so…last night, I couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d go to the kitchen to get food. But on the way there, I heard something coming from the bathhouse - like, a weird, machine-y kind of sound? - and when I went in…”
She peters off. He raises an eyebrow, “And?”
“Uh, it’s going to sound a little ridiculous...”
“You act like nothing else is ridiculous about this situation. Get on with it.”
Her face flushes dark, embarrassed. He gets the feeling that Ogami is glaring at him, but since he can’t see it - and has no reason to act like he can see it, anyways - he ignores it easily.
“Right. I saw a ghost - I know it was a ghost,” She adds defensively, as Byakuya was preparing to scoff and roll his eyes. “It was glowing green and floating in front of the lockers, and…and it had Chihiro’s face.”
“That’s-” not a ghost, he’s about to say, but he stops, suddenly uncertain. The bathhouse had no cameras, but he wasn’t sure if Alter Ego’s existence should be revealed here, now, to everyone, especially given some of the individuals present. His hand reaches into his jacket pocket, where his handbook was. “That’s…and you’re sure it was Chihiro?”
She seems taken aback by how seriously he asks that, and nods quickly. “I know it was Chihiro! It was his face and everything!” She points in front of her, at a locker less than two meters away from her eye level. The exact locker, Byakuya thinks, where Chihiro was keeping his laptop.
He wonders if Makoto was thinking this too.
“...I highly doubt the existence of ghosts,” He sighs. There was no point trying to hide it with Kirigiri around, and better to do it now than later. “Instead of being in front of the locker, I think the thing you saw was inside it.”
He turns to the locker Asahina had indicated, and moves to unlock it - before realizing he doesn’t know how. If it was unlocked by key, he didn’t have it, and if by code it was even more impossible. But Kirigiri steps forward, nudging his arm out of the way, and the locker door clicks open under her hand.
Sitting inside is the laptop, its screen dark. After a moment, it hums to life, flickering green. A round, pale shape forms, and behind him, Byakuya hears someone gasp.
“Hello,” Alter Ego says, and their voice is clearer through the computer than through Byakuya’s handbook, and sounds so similar to Chihiro’s that it’s almost jarring. “It’s nice to meet everyone!”
Hagakure shrieks, arms thrown up in fear. “A g-g-gh-!”
“It’s not a ghost,” Byakuya cuts him off sharply. “It’s a program.”
“Yes, and it looks like something Chihiro made.” Kirigiri touches the keys lightly. “This computer was the broken one from the library. And the fact that it was placed here, out of sight of the mastermind, means that it was meant for us.”
“So, this is what I saw last night…” Asahina’s tone doesn’t sound uneasy anymore, but wondering, and she raises a tentative hand as the little Chihiro in the screen waves at her. “But, what is it?”
“You just asked, ‘what is it,’ right?” Alter Ego says, almost teasingly, making her and several others jump. “The short answer is, I’m an AI program based on as much of Chihiro Fujisaki’s personality, memories, and thoughts as he managed to transcribe into data…um, but if it’s easier for you, you can call me Alter Ego. I was made to try and break through the firewall around the school’s network and to analyze the files on this computer, but it’s been taking a long time. I’m only about 25% done.”
25%? That was already more than Byakuya expected, and he feels a thin, inexplicable strum of pride.
“Crazy…hey, isn’t this crazy?” Yamada is up from his seat, and sitting as close as he can, crouching on his heels to be eye-level with the screen. “This is so- so totally sci-fi, right? Isn’t the genre wrong?” He sounds excited, overly so, and his breath is a little fevered and fast. “Hey, Chihiro! Can you hear us?”
Alter Ego doesn’t respond. Byakuya suddenly remembers the night that Chihiro was installing the application on his handbook and how Alter Ego only ever responded after the sound of keystrokes. “You have to type what you want to say in order for it to respond.”
“Move.” Yamada scurries out of Kirigiri’s way, as she drops to a crouch in front of the open locker. There’s the sound of fingers clicking over keys, and then -
“It will take me a while longer to finish analyzing everything,” Alter Ego says aloud, a little sheepishly. “I can definitely finish it though! Actually, progress is moving faster than originally predicted, so you can leave it to me!”
“My, how dependable.” Celeste remarks. “It seems that Chihiro has left us an invaluable gift, does it not?”
“It’s…pretty crazy,” Hagakure agrees, scratching his head. “Wait, uh - can Alter Ego get online? Like can we call for help from outside?”
“Hmm, probably not.” Asahina hums in thought, crossing her arms. “We’re in a bathhouse after all.”
“Then, if we take it outside of here-”
“No.” Kirigiri says flatly. “We can’t take any risks. Taking it outside might mean that the mastermind will discover it.”
“Yeah, but, I think it’s better to get help sooner than later. You know…” He pauses for a moment, tilting his head pointedly towards Owada. Throughout this whole time, the Ultimate Biker Gang Leader had been as still as a mouse, face turned downwards towards the floor. Hagakure clears his throat awkwardly. “Can’t we try it?”
There’s a sharp tap as Celeste laces her fingers, rings clicking together. “As stated earlier. We cannot take unnecessary risks. And we are not in the position to be pointlessly altruistic.” Her tone is casual, but Hagakure seems to shrink away from her, defeated.
“I…okay. Fine, sure.” He scratches at his head, then pauses. “Ah, wait a minute. Does Alter Ego, like, know…?
His question peters off, but the implication hangs over them like a heavy fog. Byakuya watches them cast uneasy glances at each other, then back to Alter Ego, as if trying to figure out who should break the news.
“It already knows.” He mutters. He’s not trying to be loud, but in the silence everyone could hear it anyways.
“...Not to say you’re lying or anything, Byakuya, but how do you…?”
Instead of answering Hagakure out loud, he reaches into his jacket pocket and withdraws the handbook, flipping it open and holding it up, screen facing them. Someone gasps.
“Yes,” Alter Ego confirms their unspoken question, and its voice echoes uncannily, doubled between the laptop and his handbook. “Master made it so I can be accessed through Byakuya’s handbook, so I could assist him with his visual impairment. I can also access the microphone function on this device, so I was able…I was able to overhear what happened”
The little, buzzing voice trails off sadly, and Byakuya suddenly feels uncomfortable, as the room grows all the more dreary. He clicks the handbook closed, suddenly irritated.
“That should explain it.“ He sighs. “Chihiro built Alter Ego to try and help find a way out of here, and at the same time gave me access so I could be self-sufficient. That’s the extent of my knowledge about it.”
He looks up and finds nearly all of them with their faces tilted towards him, and shifts, disconcerted. “What?”
“Nothing…it’s just kinda sweet that you’re, like, telling us this yourself.” Hagakure, ridiculously, sounds almost happy about this. “You never really talked to us about yourself before.”
“There’s no point in being secretive about it. Not when I was already forced to reveal it during the trial.” He sniffs. Immediately, Hagakure looks away, chagrined. From Byakuya’s periphery, he can see Makoto still facing away, his ears turning pink.
Kirigiri clears her throat. “...For the time being, it’s clear that we need to ensure Alter Ego remains a secret from the mastermind.” She says, and Byakuya watches as she types something out, a thick line of black characters. Every few keystrokes, she stops, and deletes the last word in a series of light clicks; listening closer, the sound was awkward and irregular, each press slurring into the next key. With a slight twinge of guilt, he realizes that the cause of it was her left hand - the one he had practically crushed.
After a moment’s consideration, weighing his conscience with what was at stake, he nudges her slightly with his knee. “Move. You type too slow.”
“And how would you know that?”
“I can hear it.” He replies flatly. “You type like you’re all thumbs. Move over.”
He half-expects her to stay where she is, to ignore him and continue, but to his surprise she actually complies, standing up and stepping aside. He crouches into the space she had just abandoned, sliding his hands over the keyboard until his index fingers find the tiny, tell-tale grooves of the position keys. The size and dimensions are different from his computer at home, but for a moment the feeling is so familiar that he’s almost nostalgic.
“What did you want to ask again?”
“If it has any contingency measures in place for if Monokuma - or the mastermind, or anyone suspicious - happens to find it.”
His fingers skim over the keys, clicking fluidly. A thin line of black appears at the bottom of the screen in time to his movements, but he can’t confirm if the output is accurate; judging by the way Makoto gasps behind him, and the way Hagakure whistles, he can guess that it’s more or less correct.
“Impressive,” Celeste says, in an appreciative tone. “I suppose being such an esteemed heir means you have many talents.”
He can’t tell if she’s mocking him, so he decides to ignore her, though he allows himself a small amount of smugness. He finishes typing: “Is this what you wanted to ask?”
Instead of replying, Kirigiri leans over his shoulder and clicks the ‘enter’ button. After a moment’s pause:
“Hm, to be honest, so far I’ve just been trying to be reeeally careful with when I’m active…though I guess that backfired last night, with me scaring Aoi.” Alter Ego hums in thought. “But, I do have a secret plan! If anyone comes around who I don’t recognize on my webcam…I’ll scream super loud!”
“That’s so basic!” Asahina blurts out, shocked by the simple nature of it.
“Yes, and it’s not likely to work at night.” Ogami grumbles. “The bedrooms are soundproofed.”
“Maybe we can try taking turns staying up?” Makoto suggests. “I can take the first night, I don’t mind…”
“I think such a sudden change in our patterns is likely to draw suspicion from the mastermind. Which would be rather counterproductive.” Celeste says, and Makoto ducks his head immediately. “Though, your thoughtfulness is appreciated.”
“Then it can’t be helped.” Kirigiri sighs. “I’ll leave my door open. I’m at the end of the hallway anyways, so if anything happens, I should be able to react the quickest.”
What a crazy woman. “You’d leave yourself vulnerable?” He scoffs. After all the precautions he’s seen her take, it’s hard to imagine her sacrificing herself to any degree.
“It’s a risk I’m willing to take. Besides, I’m not so helpless. I have no intention of going down without a fight.” She pauses, mouth open like she’s about to say more, before she decides against it. “Anyways. We should avoid any mention or contact with Alter Ego as much as possible, to draw as little attention as we can.”
She claps her hands sharply, a sound that makes more than one person jump, and makes Byakuya almost flinch. “For the time being…let’s disperse.”
< previous - from start - next >
#thpff#danganronpa fanfiction#thpff chapters#togiri#<- bc i wrote this with togiri intent. for the togiri truthers#byakuya togami#the h in chihiro stands for. haunting the narrative!!!!!#i was writing this chapter on the plane with my computer brightness turned alllll the way down#byakuya can't really read kyoko's reaction and therefore sees it as super nonchalant. and i know that with her scars it probably didnt hurt#but i also wanna imagine her tearing up like. motherfucking ow??#swearing under her breath and stamping her foot while he's changing and having to play it off like she was just looking at his books#both of them feeling somewhat guilty for the other person's situation and trying to help but only by way of insulting them#like 'ugh i cant believe you. fine i'll do this but only bc i dont wanna have to deal with you' as they try to compensate for each other#sorry not much naegami but theyre divorced rn and everyone's busy mourning and stuff#naegami development: they have a moment of humility and intimacy and sleep in the same bed#togiri development: he accidentally slams her hand in the door and doesnt apologize#HIROO my friend hiroo......ily hiro and how much u care sobb#anyways im taking a break after this. sob. wails.
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
honestly RE: censorship has produced some very appealing queer coded relationships, I think part of the problem is that like. Straight relationships often don't compel me, yeah? And part of it is that I frankly, don't believe a fair amount of these characters are in love. The art contains social conventions so you'll assume they're in love. And if you're unaware of it and buy into those conventions, you never notice a problem (unless they're using the conventions that give female characters no depth. People today are somewhat more aware of that). There's a level of laziness to the way so many straight relationships are written.
Many queer censored relationships can't engage those assumptions because straight people don't understand something is gay until it's bedazzled in rainbow rhinestones, and even then some of them have doubts, so (usually) an artist must put effort in to make you think there's something there. There (usually) must be legitimate connection. And because they're censored, they continually cannot rely on anything too lazy to keep interest. They also can't try to deliver payoff that isn't ready (because they're rarely allowed to deliver payoff, if ever). They can't squash the appeal of a relationship by not knowing how to write these characters in a steady relationship to the point where you hate it.
You basically end up getting a (sometimes years long) build of potential and genuine connections, without a satisfying resolution- which sucks, but it also can be very compelling. The inability to say I love you outright means the characters must say it in other ways that tend to be more emotionally impactful- such as holding out a human heart to each other, selfless and hopeless sacrifices, pulling you out of hell, etc. You could argue these moments are an example of "showing not telling" even.
But as we move into more mainstream queer art I feel like some people are starting to use the same conventions I find so lazy and boring in depicting straight relationships. Because it's a Gay Piece of Media you know there will probably be a gay relationship, so you do come in with assumptions that the creators can play off of more efficiently than otherwise. You can miss at establishing the connection. You can rush the payoff. You can write the chase well but fail in writing the domestic. You can tell me these characters are in love without me buying in and believing it because you didn't really give me much to believe in.
#cipher talk#Obviously sometimes the reason people like a censored relationship or ship something is just bc they wanna see them fuck#Which is fine but not what I'm talking about#Also not all straight relationships blah blah blah#And there's something to be said for the emotional connection element and how female characters can get a raw deal#Either in not being written well to have emotional connections or audience reaction not caring#Whereas male characters tend to be both written with more care and have a more receptive audience#And audience reaction very much influences some of these works#I think like. Catradora is a good example of a canonically queer relationship everyone knew was gonna be canon that still is in tune with#The older style of censored storytelling so it ends up making a very compelling slow burn relationship
116 notes
·
View notes
Text
jonathan aint gonna fuckin die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#i see so many people think this will happen#1. this is wills final battle and hes had so much fuckin trauma and doing this to him on the last season would not give us a chance to see#him finally start to heal from his trauma and he will do this through defeating vecna coming out and byler#and 2. if we’re looking at it from an outside perspective jonathan just isnt a smart move to kill. it wouldnt affect people as much#like look at everyones reaction to eddie the ga wouldnt have that reaction to jonathan and they would wanna kill someone that sticks with us#we love jonathan but i dont think hes everyones number one favorite character on the show#steve on the other hand……………..#i would be so shocked if he lives#byler
290 notes
·
View notes
Text
OOOH MORE WIPS UPON YYEEE i amm gonna crawl outa this artblock even if it KILLS ME! and speaking of killsing. whats with THIS dead guy huh??? its chip jrwi baby yeaaah its undead chip baby yeaaaahh its chip n hes fucken dead and rotting and gross and OOHHH IM SO PROUD OF HIm(for being dead)
#riptide spoils#HEY REMEMBER THAT SPOILER TAG I MENTIONED I WOULD USE#ieah i know its ppprobably commonish knowledge rn what happpend to chip n stuff but yknwo.#still a pretty big fuckan spoily#ANYWAY LOOOK AT HOW MY STYLE SIMPLIFIES AND BOILS DOWN ALL THE COMPLEXITIES INTO CONSISTANCIES#i think the flow of my art going from more detailed to less detailed is fun heheheh weeee!! having fun and drawing!!#ALSO I MISSED DRAWING CHIPP OUHHH ITS BEEN SO LONNGGand now look at him...hes gorgus....HES SO CHARMINGLY GROSS#twirling my hair kicking my legs honesttllyyyyy ive been sooo in love w chip since i started the show... hes just so cute and stabbable#like i waant to see him in unimaginable pain and agony and also i want to see him hold hands w several other characters#INCREDIBLY easy to ship w people if u just look at how much every1 WANTS this guy. like remember how niklaus treated him. like damn.#ill draw another 'i ship chip w everyone' page again.someday.if u wanna see the first one u gotta go dig it up. go fetch.#anyway isnt it wack that chip is just dead now and hes jsut gotta deal w that and hes about to go into a big important arc as a dead boy#CAN U IMAGINE the reactions when he comes home. he wears the disguise ofc but all it takes is a hug to realize that he is rotting mush now#and also bones. HES TERRIFYING. hes gross. HES EVERYTHING U WANT. is he okay.#TRUST THE PROCESS! THE HOLY WATER SHOWER HURTS BUT WELL. MAYBE THATS HOW ITS SUPPOSED TO BE. UNDEAD BASTARD. FUUUCK#IM working on other doodly pages. finishing up an edyn one thats VRY OLD.also a queen doodly page.ouuhh i gotta relisten to som eps tho...#but i dont have TIME or SPACE FOR PODCATS RN!!! HELPP!!!WAT THE FUCK IS JUDGMENT??????AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Will go to a do a haircut in some hours and I have the amount of worry about how I'm gonna ask for a buzzcut and how mean people are gonna be about it at a level that shouldn't exist for a woman in 2024 imo
#Sigh#//rambles#I assume a barber is more specialized in that sort of thing but I think I'm in better luck begging a general hairstyle woman to#buzz my hair short than to beg a barber to please let me in#I've seen a trans dude looking for barbershops that would let him in and he lived in either moscow or spb#It's so over for me on that front lmao#Ik she won't shut up about suggesting other options for me and it's so hard not to give in under pressure#I would just buy the thang myself and shave it off but I don't wanna invest in something if buzzing my hair won't feel right for me#I really hope I'll love it and then rid myself of the humiliation of doing haircuts for at least a few years#Seeing people's reactions to short hair is bad cause it's like I'm betraying my femininity (which it sometimes feels like I owe to everyone#But having long hair at this point is so much worse than anything related to societal problems of short hair#Disclaimer by people being mean I really only mean ppl being annoying and maybe looking funny sometimes#My homeland has a long way to go with feminism but until people like me are routinely stoned to death a certain old man will have#to be elected at least like 3-4 more times#The rambling really does help the anxiety tbf
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
so ive had a sore throat since last wednesday… and i was wondering what could’ve caused a sore throat because i literally never get sick… but then i remembered that tuesday night i was screaming like this for 3 hours and then it all made sense….
i feel bad for anyone in the section i was in that possibly heard my feral ass in the background of their videos… because i was watching my bsfs videos and all you could hear was me screaming 😭
#this isnt even the worst one out of all the videos i took#i wanna make a compilation like how i did after the dream concert#because this was a LOT worse and i thought that my dream vids were bad#and for that i had barricade 😭#i heard that the pit was lowkey dry at a few ateez stops like make some noise yall wtf?#ATEEZ OF ALL GROUPS IS NOT THE GROUP YOU STAND STILL FOR WITH NO REACTION#i was looking down at the pit too and everyone was just smushed together not moving or nothing#i would be screaming my ass of (and i was)#like if you’re gonna be that close to them and they can see you.. why are you being nonchalant#thats gotta be so awkward for the idols too like no way you’re just 😐 while im giving you 100% energy
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
truly insane when you realize most of the music on this app is from artists from this company
#tiktok might change a lot after this#in a way this could cause a chain reaction and#other companies will follow suit#or it will be resolved and they will pretend like nothing happened#i mean everyone is laughing abt this on twt#but the fact they didn’t come to an agreement when it comes to#ai protections is definitely scary#i assume it has to do with the ai covers that#trend on there and honestly i think those should stop#but yeah i just wanna see how this unfolds#and if we will see the end of tiktok this year or not#tris.txt
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
goes to camp after a long day to rest
- gale eats a necklace after asking me for a magical item like i'm his mommy
- shadowheart and i talk abt her shar worshipping and she tells me she likes nightorchids and can't swim
- wyll gets visited by mizora and gets horns...didnt pick that answer when talking to him but man it is funny & hypocritical of him to be sooo anti raphael and then have a deal going on by himself...
- astarion tells me about his trauma w cazador :(
can't have shit in the wilderness
#personal#it's so fun to go around the camp after smth crazy just happened to see everyone's bitchy reactions#damn today camp was just traumaville you are all so fucked up..#also sorry but ehy cant i mommy dom gale for his magical items he can beg me a little if he needs them so badly#also im having such a hard time deciding who to take with me...#i love all their stories...i wanna learn more!!!
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
suddenly occurred to me that being alone in my apartment for the first time in 4 years means i can practice my old animal calls.
on the other hand i dont wanna end up paying pet rent because my neighbors heard howling
#i don't use the animal calls for anything useful like hunting#i just used to be able to mimic animals scary good and it was always fun to see people's reaction#i once convinced my teacher there was an owl somewhere stuck in the classroom closets#because i perfectly mimicked the hoot of some of the owls that this nature/animal rehab place brought in for some education thing#i just idly did it while hanging up my backpack in said closet (ig it was one of the ways i used to stim) and it freaked everyone out#i was like#yall chill it was just me#and nobody believed me until i did it again#aaaanyway#wanna see if i can master a hyena whoop
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
What is a hard to swallow pill from the WC series that the fandom should learn how to take?
hmmmmmmm
characters are allowed to have friends and have a cool and interesting friend dynamic, it doesn't all have to be about romantic ships
#i want the characters to have more friends#i think this happened just because so many characters are so closely related#that when there are any characters that interact that aren't relatively closely related everyone has a knee-jerk reaction#to want to ship them out of desperation#that being said people are allowed to ship whatever and if they wanna ship two characters romantically instead of see them as friends#then they're allowed to do whatever they want#everyone's got different tastes and opinions
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Evil mode
Telling all the brothers (+ sol simeon and diavolo) that one of the other characters is good looking
And gotta make sure its a different name for each person
#im just doing it for chaos reasons#i tell lucifer that solomon is pretty handsome#satan that lucifer is handsome#asmo that mammon is handsome#etc etc#whoever i think would get a good reaction out of each person#but i wanna make sure i say everyones name at least once#and then lets see who opens their mouth first#itll be like a domino effect really#obey me#instigating shit for no reason#i dont think barbs would give two shits lol#so lets not involve him#beel probably wouldnt care either buttttt#im lumping him in with the bros rip#diavolo would agree with whoever i tell him is handsome sbhsns
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
Every time I see fictional enactments of people having mental breakdowns I’m like. ‘Is it not normal to do that like three times a week’. I’m going to have. Such major heart problems. My whole life. I just know it.
The swinging between hysterical, sad and mad? The eyes wide rolling around in my damn skull? The struggle to breathe and not choke on your own spit? The sensation that you might just lash out at anyone or anything that gets too close? The existential hysteria questioning YOUR VERY EXISTENCE AND THE EXISTENCE OF CAUSALITY AND WHY THINGS ARE THE WAY THEY ARE AND COULD THEY NOT BE AND COULD SOMEONE JUST TAKE ME AWAY TAKE ME AWAY.
It’s that last part especially. When you start getting. So. In your god damn feels. YOURE BEGGING THE UNIVERSE FOR REPRIEVE ON REPEAT AS YOU SWAY BACK N FORTH LIKE YOURE HAVING THE WORST TRIP IMAGINABLE TRYING TO CONTACT GOD. HELP ME. HELP ME. HELP ME. HELP ME. KILL ME. RUN OVER MY HEAD. NEVER WAKE ME. SEND ME TO HELL ILL PAY FOR MY SINS NOW PLEASE PLEEAASSE ANYTHING BUT A MOMENTS MORE OF TORMENT. that kinda. Shit.
Every day people look at me and tell me I’m fine. I’m smart I’m practical I’m insightful I’m hanging on I’m resourceful I seem GREAT. Hell. My problems aren’t even that bad from their perspective (and maybe they’re right!)
I want to kill them every time and maybe one day I’ll smack someone across the face. Maybe break my knuckles smashing their nose into their brain. I think. I deserve it.
ANYWAY. had another lapse of mental angst because I cannot prioritize without a helper and that means I’m drowning in an infinitely vast array priorities, and should I spare one even a second of my attention, my anxiety comes running at me with a machete to ritually slaughter me for thinking for a second THAT was my highest priority.
I just want. To live. But I cannot. Because my brain doesn’t know what’s important. Except for. Being In a Domestic Cow Like State of UNTHINKING. and it makes me wanna explode my surroundings with my mind.
I’m getting a headache from being stuck in executive dysfunction too long and I donttt liikkeee iittttt.
LIKE. I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HAVIN A GOOD ONE. I was supposed to be feelin a GOOD EMOTION SPARKED. INSPIRATION. INSPIRATION FOR MY DESIRE TO WRITE A STORY. But instead. I was smacked with that reminder that. I don’t choose what’s important and what needs to be done and if I do it. I don’t get to choose. So why both having dreams? Why bother having wants? Wishes? Why bother? (It would matter more if I had a community that HELPS ME and maybe I have a community that PROTECTS me but that’s. Not the same. I feel so fuckin brainless. My thoughts bounce in every direction but go Nowhere. They loop back on themselves and fight each other like rabid animals. I don’t know how I’m supposed to live with a brain like this. Forever. Happily. Not without reliable support. Which doesn’t exist. There is no such thing as reliable. Everything is temporary. So it’s always fINE THEN you have to FIND A WAY TO COPE. ALONE? FOREVER? It’s bullshit. I hate this shit. Ahhhhh.
I wanted to think Ooo Ahh inspiration for a story I want to write so bad.
But it just went ‘when. When will you write. How. Will you be afloat. Will it distract you. Distract you from friends from life from stability? You can’t even take care of yourself you don’t deserve to do anything until you can take care of yourself and function with others and *you have so many other higher priorities that will kill you if you do not attend to them first*’
Weeps
THERAPIST SAID I DIDNT HAVE OCD. NOT EVEN PURE O. AND MAYBE SHE RIGHT. I CAN STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. IF PUSHED IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. WHICH IM NEVER. BECAUSE IM ALONE. AND THAT MEANS I END UP RUMINATING TIL I HAVE HEART AND STOMACH PAINS. AHHHHHHH.
Awoooo
Awoooo
I hate it
#me.#therapy.#mur has a moment.#suicidal ideation//#negative//#(I’m not feelin it now but boy#(I will lapse in and out for being. a fucking. mess.#(if I allow myself even a moment of non distraction#(sometimes I can see where the stereotypes for autism come from#(yeah. maybe I do wanna zone out unspeaking on one thing#(and if you interrupt me I will lose my shit so hard I may just hurt everyone around me and myself#(because I am. I. so much. mental anguish. on the regular.#(I miss my therapist I am going to hate my new one no matter what she says#(she went on medical leave the minute my old therapist left#(like yeahyeahyeah sure can’t control that#(you could’ve emailed anyone about my continuum of care but you DIDNT#(I HOPE U HAVE TEN THOUSAND ALLERGIC REACTIONS
2 notes
·
View notes