#I just think it’s cool we see 14 year olds look 14

[podsn]

I’m glad to see animated kids actually look like kids. It makes the fact that they are child soldiers more real and shocking.

[skk-fan-page]

What does this:

Mean in the context of skk, 15, stormbringer, and dazai acting like a lovesick puppy.

Well, the first thing I notice is that it's heavily implied that dazai didn't say shit and hasn't in his entire employment at the ada. Everyone talks about the mafia with a certain level of "hey I heard about you because my mom's dad's aunt's best friend's knitting club was talking about you and one of the members' dog's coparent said they saw you at Walmart."

Between akutagawa, higuchi, and now chuuya, it's like they know nothing that might help them with the mafia.

Why wouldnt yosano know though, she used to be mafia? Well that's what I thought at first too. I figured maybe rumors had just spread throughout the mafia in her time there.

But, at the same time, add up these numbers and then tell me if the math is mathing for yosano to know anything about chuuya

Chuuya is 22 and joined when he was 15, meaning he joined 7 years ago. 14 years ago (11 when she finally escaped) means not only would she not have met him, he would've been 11 by the time she left.

Not only that, but she was an 11 year old child-doctor, which means she would've had no contacts in the Mafia and no friends to tell her anything.

And, most damning of all, in 15 phase.02 mori says this when asked about suribachi city.

By the time chuuya was awakened, yosano was already out.

So maybe it's kyouka. But here's the thing: she doesn't seem to know shit outside of her (old) job description. She was in such an information silo that she didn't know what a crepe was. That makes her out of the picture for me, especially considering she was the subordinate of the subordinate of the boss's subordinate.

So that leaves 2 options: word on the street, and dazai.

If I can get information on the second highest ring of your underground murder organization by asking around, your organization is getting shit on by the feds in 4 seconds flat.

So that leaves one option: dazai.

But he doesn't seem to be much of a sharer, so why would he share about mafia things? Well we have precedent for it.

There's this incident, proving he's totally chill with sharing about the mafia. And then, there's something so gay it will make you want to claw your eyes out and join the witness protection program to get away from how single you feel

I wish someone would look at me the way dazai looks at chuuya's corruption form. And he's even bragging about him and how cool and powerful he is.

Regardless, this proves that he does totally talk about chuuya when he's not listening, and that he's not the inscrutable clamshell of a man he pretends to be.

Now: the other implication. Chuuya just assumes dazai was talking about him, meaning this was a pattern in the past. We can see this pattern manifest in the party that dazai tries to throw in 15, as well as the fact that ango knows chuuya in dead apple.

How many times do you think dazai genuinely set up challenges for chuuya back in his mafia days, to the point where upon being recognized, his first thought is "dazai did this."

Just put a ring on it already guys.

[ghosts-and-glory]

Just curious!

In your AU, does Narinder have to openly come out as trans, or is it just generally understood even early on that he was trans?

If he does have a coming out, who do you think he told first? What were his siblings initial reactions?

How old do you think Narinder would have been when he realized?

When did the lamb learn? Was it common knowledge by then? Did they effectively look up at their God and go "ayo, nice battle scars, sick as fuck, anyway" and move on?

Also are we gonna see more little Narinder, and what got him all fucked up?

I am so invested in your story, but this aspect in specific I am latched onto like a tick. You cannot get rid of me. I am THIRSTY for knowledge.

Additionally, if in some hypothetical, little child Narinder met a young Lamb, do you think they would have been friends?

Totally not based on the time my brother came out to me and because I have the emotional bandwidth of a sea cucumber was just like “okay, cool.”

I’d say he’s around 12-14. In my heart Nari was one of those trans kids who the second he had the slightest understanding of gender was like “something ain’t right here chief.”

Fighting for my life trying to find a way to colour doodles in a way that doesn’t take ten years or look like shit.

More ramblings under the cut.

My Lamb is also non-binary so it’s not much of a deal to them. Dying on my casual trans rep hill. I don’t care if it’s not period accurate, I simply choose not to recognize transphobia.

Narinder gets slowly poisoned through his life. For the other Bishops, chaos, famine, disease and war will all eventually end in death, and dead men can’t worship. As a god of death he is to preach the glory and beauty of dying but, ironically, can’t die himself. He feels at odds with his family and trapped by life and this mentality slowly warps his view of the world and destroys him over hundreds of years.

Simply put he allows toxicity to pour and warp over toxicity. He lets it twist and compound his mind and it happens so slowly no one notices.

For the Lamb and Narinder theoretically meeting as children I honestly haven’t through much on how I’d characterize The Lamb as a child. My heart wants to say yes they would get along. My source is I made it the fuck up.

[70sscifiart]

The Last-Minute Sci-Fi Gift Guide

There's only one thing worse than procrastinating on getting gifts for your loved ones, and that's procrastinating on putting together a guide to help out everyone else with all those gifts. It's Dec 12, so you can decide for yourself which I'm doing.

Art book: Worlds Beyond Time, $32

If you follow this blog, you might have heard of this one. I published Worlds Beyond Time: Sci-Fi Art of the 1970s this year after five years of work on it, and I think it's really good! 400+ images, 100+ artists, with lots of fun art history and jokes.

Also, it's just $20 right now if you order through my publisher and use the code SKIPTHELINE! Cheapest it's ever been!

Card game: Coup, $14

In this "social deduction" card game, you play as a government official in a future dystopia who needs to backstab their way into power. Everyone starts out with just two cards in this bluffing game, so the tide can turn pretty quick when players start assassinating each other's cards. The fast pace makes it a good gift for someone who loves spies but thinks they don't like card games.

Game to play over Zoom: Bad Spaceships, $3

If a bluffing game stresses you out, try Bad Spaceships: It's a collaborative world-building game in which you roll dice to see what area of your spaceship connects to another, forcing you to spitball exactly why this is the case. As the game puts it, you might fix the hull by playing Tetris, or charge your weapons in the swimming pool. You're basically getting weird prompts to tell a story that can evolve over the course of the game.

It's such an indie game that it comes as PDFs you download from itch.io, but you can play it just as well over Zoom, if you're looking for an excuse to catch up with your old digital nomad college friend.

Movies/TV: Streaming service gift card

Gift cards are all well and good, but you can personalize them by recommending a few of your favorite shows as well. I suggest:

Hulu: Cowboy Bebop

Apple TV+: Severance

Criterion Channel: Ravenous, Paprika, Strange Days

Paramount+: Yellowjackets

Amazon Prime: The Devil's Hour

But to be honest, this entry is just an excuse to talk about the new Max show Scavenger’s Reign. Inspired by the work of French artist Moebius and with a clear debt to famed 70s animated film Fantastic Planet, this stylish sci-fi show features a bunch of humans trying to survive on a beautiful but hostile alien world. Perfect for lovers of fictional nature.

Vintage sci-fi

This Etsy shop has some good stuff, like the 1971 Frank Kelly Freas NASA poster above, a bit of history that I even mentioned on page 167 of my art book.

Penguin science fiction postcards, $28

These postcards have a ton of very cool sci-fi covers I've blogged in the past – great value if you want a lot of art for a low cost.

Meteorite pendant necklace, $34

I think we all know what kind of rock your loved ones need around their neck: A chunk of meteorite straight out of the 1576 Argentinan meteorite fall.

Book recs

For astronauts: Packing for Mars by Mary Roach, The New Guys: The Historic Class of Astronauts That Broke Barriers and Changed the Face of Space Travel by Meredith Bagby

For comedians: Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir, Even Greater Mistakes: Short Stories by Charlie Jane Anders 

For sleuths: Six Wakes by Mur Lafferty, Drunk on All Your Strange New Words by Eddie Robson

For crafters: Knits of Tomorrow: Toys and Accessories for your Retro-Future Needs

For the resistance fighters: The Light Brigade by Kameron Hurley, An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon

For slasher movie fans: Clown in a Cornfield by Adam Cesare

Syd Mead "Biomorph Vehicle" button down shirt, $49

T-shirts aren't classy enough for the world's coolest visual futurist, Syd Mead. I haven't actually bought this incredibly odd shirt, but I really need to.

Art prints (and more) from 70s sci-fi artists

Artist shops can be surprisingly hard to track down on the internet, but here's a short list of ones I've come across. All of these artists are featured in my book (except one), so you can read up on them before you commit to a print.

Michael Whelan 

John Harris

Syd Mead

Don Maitz

David B Mattingly

Peter Andrew Jones - Jones was one of just a few artists who declined to be included in my art book, but he has a distinct, colorful style that I would have loved to have featured!

Finally, here's one extra bonus, just for everyone who made it to the end of this article: The UK-based educational charity Centre for Computing History sells three big officially licensed John Harris posters featuring these three artworks, famous for their use as covers for Sinclair programming manuals.

It's a great deal that I've never seen mentioned anywhere, and Harris' work has a timeless quality that makes it great for an unassuming wall decoration. If you're outside the UK, the shipping costs will be a pain, but there's no better deal for a classic sci-fi poster.

[rose-tries-to-write]

Things I’ve learned about Danny Phantom after finally watching it as a person who avoided watching it for months and read fanfiction instead. 👍🏻✨

Spoiler warning, just in case!

They call themselves the Phandom. (Super cute, I love it, 10/10)

Everything, and I mean Absolutely Everything I’ve learned, is a fucking Lie. (Not fun. I have to rewrite my entire understanding. I feel betrayed. Offended. Gobsmacked. My flabbers are mf gasted. -5/10)

The show is actually really funny. (I enjoyed my experience. 9/10)

Fuck Phantom Planet. (What the fuck was that shit? Um, rewind, redo, no thx, give me back the ghostie boy please. I genuinely didn’t even finish the episode, I got to where he un-died and had to turn it off. I refuse to watch it now. 0/10)

The Phandom was right to steal canon and make it our bitch. (Trans Danny? More Dani/Ellie screen time? Actual plot and lore for the show? Actual in-depth thought to ghosts and their culture? Um, yes please. 1000/10)

Frostbite actually is a doctor. (I don’t know why, but I thought it was another thing the Phandom made up. Love to see it, 10/10)

Wes Weston deserves his own episode. (What do you mean he doesn’t actually exist. What do you mean I don’t get my LGBTQ+ undertones. This is homophobic /j. -10/10)

How do you tell when a ghost is intangible, invisible, or both?? (The show doesn’t have a differentiator between the two, so I’m always confused if people can just see him floating through walls. 3/10)

Guys in White literally do nothing but be annoying. (Another case of the Phandom Lying to us. I love it though, they make really good antagonists. 7/10)

The Fentons are stupid and mildly aggressive, but they do love their kids. (I read a lot of vivisection, child neglect, and general Bad Parents fics so excuse me on that front. 8/10)

Danny didn’t actually beat Pariah Dark? (I love the Ghost King Danny fics, so to find out all he did was shove him into a sarcophagus was a bit of a bummer. He struggles more with Undergrowth than the actual king, like?? 6/10)

He can reach inside himself to take things out. (He ate a spoon in one ep and just reached inside himself to take it out. Pretty cool. 9/10)

Is he actually dead? (Phantom Planet makes it seem as if he just got a bit too high a dose of ectoplasm in his system and it fucked him up, how else could he have just undone the damage? But, most of the Phandom says he legit died in the portal, in which case he could not have gone in and just un-killed himself like he did in Phantom Planet. I think he died, personally. More trauma and angst for my writing. ??/10)

Clockwork appears a lot less than I thought he would. So does Frostbite. (I thought with how much they appear in the Phandom, they must have really important and constant roles, but no. They appear very rarely. Sad face. 5/10)

Vlad sucks. (Vlad fucking sucks. 0/10)

Dani/Ellie is much younger in appearance than I thought. (I looked her up for reference when I first started reading the fics, but she looked 14-15. She actually looks 6-7 years old in show. They literally call her a kid. 8/10)

Dani is what she chose to be called, not a funny joke the Phandom played on itself. (I though it was a silly little haha moment. Nope. The show just… named her that. I think Ellie is the Phandoms choice in calling her?? 8/10)

Why is Danny obsessed with Paulina even while crushing on Sam? (He is actively blushing and flirting with Sam and then they’ll turn around and he’s jumping at the chance to talk to Paulina?? Hate it. 0/10)

Danny and Dash don’t actually date. (I saw this circle around the Phandom a bit, thought it was cute if a bit weird, and then it didn’t happen? 6/10)

No obsessions, no cores, no real reason for the ghosts to be terrorizing Amity Park. (I legit thought it was real in-verse stuff, I’m so disappointed in the lack of it in the show. It could have been so good. 3/10)

Danny doesn’t actually become friends with his ghosts. (They don’t really get along, ever. They don’t talk outside of fighting, except for those who actually like him. Missed opportunity. 4/10)

His Space obsession is actually just a few mentions of him wanting to be an astronaut? (I thought he genuinely had an obsession with the stars and we’d see a lot of him stargazing or word-vomiting about his hyper fixation, but no. Sad. 4/10)

He does go stargazing (maybe?) and flies around when he’s not fighting. (We see him going off as Phantom in the episode where Jazz finds out about him. There are no battles and he looks like he’s having fun flying around. 10/10)

He was called Inviso-Bill?? (Hilarious, I love it, why did no one ever tell me this. 7/10)

He says “Going Ghost!” every time he transforms. Every fucking time. (It’s annoying, it’s ugly, I hate it. I am so glad no fics mentioned this or used it, I think I’d go insane. -1000/10)

That’s all I got for today, and probably for a while. I just wanted to write it down for fun, but I might post more like this eventually.

[miks-delusional-blog]

Just hold my hand - Mizu x fem! reader

Tags: fluff, very minor angst (not really angst?) Idk how to tag sorry I’m a noob, Mizu just being a bit anxious, that’s as angsty as it gets

Notes: In 2nd person (you), 858 words, Mizu x Fem! reader

Context: you and Mizu are friends(?) with romantic tension (I'm projecting).

Little A/N: lmao ran out of fanfics to read so I wrote one!

Guys I haven't written fanfic (and posted it) since I was 14 YEARS OLD. I'm 20. The passage of time is so scary.

I'm open to criticism but please be gentle.

Enjoy <3 Love Yamz x

It was a cold day. Just a few days after the new year. The golden sun slowly travelled over the horizon, the moon and stars chasing after. You and Mizu were walking through a bustling crowded street, lined with street vendors. 

The two of you walked together, slightly trailing behind her. Occasionally you’d remark,

“Those steamed buns smell so good, we should come back here later!”

“Woah…”

“Ooh, that’s so cool, don’t you think?”

“Isn’t that bracelet cute?”

And Mizu would hum in reply, nodding and agreeing with you nonchalantly. 

As the two of you continued through the street, it seemed to get busier and louder. Your voice was getting quieter as everyone else got louder, their conversations drumming against Mizu’s ears. As Mizu walked, a necklace caught her eye. One she expected you’ll comment on.

But she’s met with silence.

Mizu, a little confused, turns back to look at you, but you’re not there. She looks around, walking back the way she came. She scanned the stalls but she couldn't see you. It didn’t help that the street had gotten busier.

‘Where are you?’ she thinks.

Before she realised, she became frantic. Barging through the crowd, she called out for you, her head whipping around just for a glimpse of you.

‘Where are you?’

Did something happen?

Maybe you got lost. Or maybe you had gotten distracted.

Had you been taken without her realising? There’s no way. She would have noticed. Right?

Had you abandoned her? No, there’s no way…

Desperate, Mizu began asking people if they had seen you. They’d brush her off, or roll their eyes, but she didn’t care. 

‘Where the hell are you?’

Mizu pulled herself to the side of the street. She felt her heartbeat thumping in her ears. She needed to calm down. Collect herself. You couldn’t have gone far. Why had she gotten so worked up about you? You’re not a child.

She let out a sigh to calm her breathing. She scanned the crowd again. 

‘How could I let the thought of her get me so rattled? Fucking ridiculous.’ She thought, gritting her teeth.

‘Where the fuck is she? That brat. Always fucking wandering off…’ finally her eyes settled on your figure.

You hadn’t spotted her yet. Mizu watched as you looked around at the busy crowd with nervous eyes. 

In a way it comforted her. Your nervous form, looking around for her. It quelled her previous anxieties of you possibly being kidnapped or of your abandonment. Mizu smirked a little at your image.

“Mizu!” You called out with a wavering voice, still not seeing her. 

‘This feels a little sadistic now.’ Mizu chuckled to herself. She walked over to you, pushing through the crowd.

Mizu called out to you when she was a lot closer. 

“Mizu? Mizu!” your face lights up when you spot her, relief washing over you. You ran up to her, hugging her before pulling away slightly, remembering how that wasn’t her thing. “Oh right sorry-”

To your surprise, she pulls you back into her embrace. She lowers her head close to your ear, “Where the hell did you go?” Her words are sharp but her voice is unexpectedly soft.

“Sorry, I got distracted. I saw something at a stall and I called out to you, and I thought you heard me so I went over. But, we got separated.” You said, feeling a little embarrassed. 

Mizu lets out a sigh, her eyebrows knit slightly. “Why didn’t you just tap me or something?”

You look at her puzzled, “But, you don't like being touched.”

“I don’t mind if it’s you.” She barks, a little frustrated. You flinch a little at her tone. Realising her harshness she let out another breath trying to calm down. She stepped back, separating from you. You felt the absence of her warmth.

“Look,” she began crossing her arms, “I’d rather you touch me for two seconds than having to spend an hour looking for you. You’re lucky that you just wandered off this time. Next time we get separated like that, I’m not gonna come looking for you. I don’t care if you get kidnapped or swallowed by the earth.” 

You felt yourself heat up in embarrassment. Averting eye contact, “sorry…” 

“I need to get you a bell so I don’t lose you. In the meantime…” Mizu held out her hand towards you.

You paused, looking down at it a little confused.

She rolls her eyes, “Just take my hand.”

You abided immediately.

The two of you began walking down the bustling street, hand in hand. Her hands were cold and rough but being so close to her made you feel warm and safe.

After a moment of reflecting on your conversation, “Mizu?”

“Yeah?” she glanced over at you.

“Did you think I got kidnapped?” You enquired. 

She briefly paused, “It was a possibility that crossed my mind.”

You smiled, beaming “Oh…you really do care about me.”

“Shut up. Don't be a brat.” 

You laughed, bumping her shoulder softly. She rolled her eyes, looking away from you. But still she smirks, shifting her grip in your warm and soft hand.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

🎈emoji so I’ll see it:

AITA FOR NOT HUGGING AN AUTISTIC KID? (Long read ahead)

ok so I’m a middle schooler (M), yes I’m 14 (old enough to be on the site) and today we were doing some end of year activities (eg. signing yearbooks, playing games, etc etc). And I was talking to a friend of mine we’ll call her V. Suddenly I was approached by a teacher who said that a kid (let’s say Jessica) wanted to talk to me. I was like “oh ok sure.” Jesica approached me and brought me a card. Now some background on Jessica:

So Jessica is autistic and in all different classes than me. I’ve interacted with her a few times, she seems to have some friends? I don’t really know. In the past I tried to be her friend not knowing she was autistic (this is the possibly asshole part) but her behavior was really strange as she would often say odd things that made me uncomfortable (not perverted or anything but just really awkward) and would really kinda creep me out so once my class with her was over I never spoke to her unless she initiated it which only happened once or twice. Another thing that really bothers me is that I co-lead our showchoir group with V and another student and it’s a difficult job that requires a lot of participation and effort from all the members. Yet Jessica hardly ever does anything, she just sits in a chair half the time while everyone else is working hard. I know that it’s a spectrum and not all autistic ppl are the same but there’s two other autistic dudes who both work super hard and help out a ton!

Anyway she insisted that it had to be a surprise and told me to close my eyes and put out my hands. I absolutely hate closing my eyes in public due to the worry that someone will touch me while my eyes are closed but I didn’t wanna upset her so I did it anyway. When I opened my eyes she’d placed a folded over piece of paper in my hands. She’d written a card in pink magic marker, it was almost illegible so all I could make out was “my full name and grade, the date, summer (have a good summer?), and school. She asked me to read it out loud so I mumbled a bunch of sounds together to make it seem like I was reading it even though I couldn’t tell what it said on account of the handwriting. She seemed satisfied so I thanked her telling her how much I appreciated and moved to leave when she said “and what do we say?” Confused I said “thank you”. I think that was the right answer? She then put out a hand toward me which is a pretty normal gesture in our school meaning you want the other person to dap you up. So I did, to which she seemed confused and tried to shake my hand. She then said “don’t I get a hug? You have to hug me right?” I HATE hugs. It brings back traumatic memories and I really really could not bring myself to hug her epesecially since I didn’t know her well. “I told her I’m sorry but I don’t do hugs. I just really don’t like them.” She looked disappointed at that and then said “that was really sweet of me right, writing you a letter?” I didn’t know how to reply to that so I said “yeah it’s great.” She replied saying I had to right her back and that I should “write it at home and give it to her the next day”. Knowing I’d forget, I just grabbed a piece of paper and wrote it to her right there. It was a simple paragraph on a different sheet of paper with the usual stuff, “have a good summer, you’re really cool, good luck in hs” the kind of stuff you write in someone’s yearbook. she seemed satisfied and she put her hand out again so I dapped her up again. She then shook my hand vigorously and walked away saying she’d see my tommorow.

I hated everything about this encounter but I still feel like I did a good job being nice and stuff even though I have a hard time being patient with people that pressure me to do things (eg. Writing her another letter, hugging, affirming her over and over, the handshake thing). Idk V said it was a strange situation and I handled it fine but again was not hugging her bad of me? Or like did I mess up in some other way? I have no beef with autistic people at all and I’m friends with a few of them but is it wrong of me to just not like her?

Also thanks for reading all that but if it was too long:

TLDR: autistic girl wanted me to hug her as thanks for her writing me a letter and I declined, aita?

[jedi-enthusiast]

Hello. How are you?

Can you raise an explanation as to why The Jedi Padawans were sent to fight on the front lines alongside The Clones and Jedi Knights/Masters, please?

Of course, the Padawans need Masters but I'd assume there would probably be enough inside The Temple to teach them, despite the war...

I know The Jedi wouldn't want to send their children onto the front lines, so I'm trying to think of how they'd ended up there anyway.....

Thanks in advance (if you do have an explanation. If not, thanks anyway).

Good night/morning!

Hey, I'm doing alright---I'm sick rn, but I'm hoping that it'll pass soon so I can get back to my normal shenanigans <3

So the out-of-universe explanation is just that TCW was a show made for kids and so there are gonna be kid characters doing all the cool fighting and battle stuff. Is it pretty unrealistic? Yeah, but this is also a show set in space with magic powers and laser swords lol

In-universe things get a little more complicated and we kind of have to make our own assumptions based on what we already know.

In TPM we see that children...aren't really treated like children, from a young age they're actually treated more like teenagers or even adults. Padme is the queen of an entire planet at 14, a job so dangerous that she has 12 body-doubles who pretend to be her so she doesn't get killed, ready to die in her place---body-doubles who are probably of a similar/the same age. Anakin is allowed to compete in a pod-race on Tatooine at age 9, a race that is shown multiple times to be dangerous and get people killed, and it's treated as completely normal by both his mother and his opponents.

So we can probably deduce that, while the children are obviously still children, they're expected---and shown---to be more capable and independent than they would irl. They hold a level of maturity and responsibility at a younger age, and this is completely normal in the SW universe.

So the explanation is that padawans' ages don't really come into question.

We see from how Anakin and Obi-Wan react to Ahsoka, who is 13 in TCW movie, when she introduces herself as a padawan---they're shocked and view her as too young to be one, with Anakin continuously calling her a "youngling." From that, we can deduce that generally padawans are older than 13 and---in a universe where a 14 year old is seen as mature enough to rule a planet and other 13-15 year olds are mature enough to possibly die for said ruler---taking a padawan who is, say, 15+ into battle isn't really odd or seen as morally questionable.

As George Lucas says regarding Ahsoka being brought into the war, "she's being trained as a Jedi Knight, she's got this."

And so do all of the other padawans, maybe more so since a lot of them are probably older than her. They're Jedi, they're not younglings anymore, they can handle the responsibility and---if they can't---they're still just students and their master is right there to protect and teach them.

That seems to be the canon intention, at least. If you want to take a more nuanced look at it through the lense of them actually being children, rather than the canon intent of them being more mature children who can handle these things, you're probably going to have to come up with your own reasons why the Jedi would bring the padawans into it. In my fics, I usually go with the idea that the Jedi didn't have much of a choice, just due to what their training is/does as well as different concerns with leaving them at the Temple, as well as pressure from the Senate to have "every Jedi available" on the front lines---but you can obviously do something different, if that doesn't sing to your tune.

I hope my ramble answered your question <3

[drinkyourvillainjuice]

how to not let your autistic inner child win (or how to write an if) by the secretary

[id: a student with glasses being pointed at and mocked by two students on screens, and two more offscreen with only their arms showing. the central bullied student looks sad, and everyone else is laughing. end id]

Ruhoh, is this another secretary essay? Well, yes it is! The gender politics one will eventually come around when I feel like it, but this one, as the title suggest, is about how to write an IF. And since I'm presuming most of you are on the spectrum (or on a spectrum), it gets a little tongue-in-cheek.

hehe

Anyways, if you have autism, you have eternal swag. It's just true! But having so much swag makes it a problem when writing, or doing any sort of project. This is something I've noticed from people who don't have evil autism. Those not afflicted by the rare autism version of evil autism (my autism) will often be really bad at just... doing things - despite having all the abilities to do so! I think it might be a adhd thing or something too. Anyways, I love helping people, (this is my evil autism), and I'd like to share some girl tips on how to kill your inner child :)

I think something I've noticed from people making any sort goals- online, real life, job, working, etc - is it is straight forward. ie: I want to graduate from high school, I want to make a video game, I want to journal everyday. These are all achievable using your abilities that you learn and gain through your life, and failure doesn't exempt you from trying again. Thing is, this specific thing I just described (straightforward goals) is something I think a lot of autistic people struggle with.

I deeply remember sitting down in the corner of my high school, looking like the hottest girl who played pokemon on her ds when someone who had +1% more autism than me told me that, one day, he was going to make the most cool pokemon game ever where you could date other characters and have babies and have your children go on adventure too. As a 14 year old, I thought to myself 'bitch, shut up' but also, 'this is so unrealistic, but he really believes it, uh'. And he did! And you know, I think that's okay. I think it's okay to believe that you can make things that you cannot do at the moment - I mean that's just how life it. We didn't go on the Moon thinking we couldn't

But... the guy didnt know how to code, or how to make games, or how to program, or how to develop stories, or how to make art, etc etc etc. He didn't know these things, but he wanted to make these things. And I see this to a certain degree quite a bit when it comes to creation. I want to say: it's a very important of the process but simply one part.

I think being able to imagine what you could do if you have all the resources in the world, all the time, and all the help is important - but it is even more important to look within and go 'alright with all this in mind - what can I do?'

And if you're in the field of IF, well, what can you do? Coding, storytelling, character design, plotting arcs, etc. I think the skills can be learned by anybody (sidenote incoming)

If anybody ever fucking says that art is innate, they're fucking lying. It's a skill you grind out. You work it out. You work even if you feel not creative. You write words even if they don't come to you naturally. You draw even if the images can't be conjured. You work you work you work and you make something. You cannot always make art when feeling creative because you aren't always creative. you must be willing to die for your art, yes, but you must also be willing to create without any creative sparks! If you want to be an artist, you better work bitch.

(sidenote ending) and with that in mind, you need to develop restraints onto yourself. In IF, it's actually to create restraints, and here are some I suggest for all of my fellow autists who might struggle with them. I love you guys, truly, anyways. here they are:

restrain characters.

Make three characters + a main character. Write a couple of scenes with them. Is that your maximum? Is that too much? Go up and down until you find the right amount. You can add more character when your writing is better. Stick to a minimum per scene. If you have ideas for 30 characters, you can easily melt them into 10. Seriously. Put the heat on maximum and start creating new fun dolls to play with.

2. restrain scenes

You cannot write 500 per interaction. This is a bad idea because a) you might do the thing where you run out of creativity which you need to learn to do without but it is hard and b) interactions are time limited and time sensitive. not everybody will go through them. if you have a 30k update, but most people will only see 1k... are you really writing a game for them or for yourself? I made my wife do this format:

youll gain the ability to gauge if a scene is important or not eventually, I'm sure.

3. restrain area

I recommend writing like a murder novelist. You have a closed circle, and the player cannot leave it. they can only be within that space. That space that exists within that specific story is the only thing they have access to. it can be a school, a city, a bedroom - but its limited. you create setpieces that players interact with. some set pieces are the same with just a different coat of paint on.

anyways, i believe in dreaming big, but i also believe that we have little time on our hands to create. when wanting to make something, restraint yourself. its always way more fun to find ways to break out of our bonds then just roaming free, right? I mean... maybe not. I'm not your mother, you know.

[tumbleweed-run]

Hello! I love your writing <3 May I ask, do you have any headcanons for Gale? I have a few (eg: his mother raised him alone - he's an only child - as much as he enjoys homecooked meals he's very well known in Waterdeep's fine dining establishments) I'm interested in hearing what you imagine about Gale outside what the game tells us!

Lighter stuff

I agree with you on pretty much all points

Gale might appreciate wine but he strikes me as a fancy whiskey boy. It's a vibe I get

His mother hates the beard, which is why he didn't grow it out until the hermit stage

He loves all books. Magical tomes, history of Faerun, tawdry bodice rippers. And he has a system to his library but it makes no sense to anyone who is not Gale

Personally, I think he's well-known in all Waterdeep's dining establishments. He's in the Yawning Portal at some point as an adult but I also feel like he visits the finer restaurants- probably with his mother

he was raised wealthy, I know he like "oh I haven't dabbled in wealth" but my dear boy was Top Teir middle class at best. I don't think they were 'own the world wealthy' but I believe he grew up with more than just a housekeeper, not having to worry about money. Mama's got Sea Ward money

And of course (because I pointed out his 'tower' is in the Dock Ward) I think as an adult Gale moved to the "rough and tumble" part of town to prove himself. (which is probably why they know him in the poorer establishments )

His tower is a freaking row home, maybe its like two floors taller. But it is a house. Gale is just a fanciful man. Or he's manifesting that shit, idk

I also think he goes home to mama in the sea ward at least 2x a week

Gale is a sorcerer

Gale is 300% a sorcerer whose mother(not magic) was fed up with her shit being set on fire, so she sent him to train in magics the way she was most familiar - Wizard Apprenticing

Less Light Stuff

Gale mentions 'parents' once (I think during the I was denied a kitten speech) I think his father was there at first and then left. Maybe he couldn't handle Gale, or he was just a shitty guy. I think that was the road to Gales "I'm not enough, I must prove I'm enough" syndrome.

I also believe he first encountered Mystra in the Sea Ward at the 'House of Wonder' which is a temple devoted to her. I believe he was young like 13/14 but my guess is she was aware of him from a younger age. (Most wizards apprentice starting at 13... and usually have no spellcasting abilities which is...)

I don't think his favorite color is purple. I think it was Mystra's color and therefor it became his favorite (which is why I like dying all his clothes NOT Purple). Judging by the only room we saw, it's red/maroon/burgundy- but he doesn't know that

I think some of his stunts at Blackstaff were not just his own hubris though he sees it that way, but also at "hey mystra look at me" thing. Which I think she encouraged

I also believe that he was a young adult when the muse-to-lover transition took place. Maybe a few years after he left his apprenticeship, he was old enough to be a 'man' but it was definitely a product of grooming.

I don't think he was ever truly her Chosen. Most gods bestow cool powers (look at the dead 3) or at least protections. She just... screwed him? Taunted him with stuff she knew was going to keep him hooked on her?

When he saw Mystra's interest waning he panicked because he didn't have very many friends (his only named or mentioned friend is Elminster who has the most messed up history with Mystra) and he'd certainly not taken a lover once she 'chose' him. And I assume this was years before the netherese orb disaster. He probably did increasingly dangerous things/adventures to keep her attention, just like he did as a boy.

[noroi1000]

Honored One Shot no.14 - @satosuguswife

„Pictures”

Hurt and comfort Warnings: fake blood, mentioned nsfw

When you entered the house, you saw Satoru lying on the floor with the left part of his forehead red. His cheek, the corners of his mouth, his throat. Everything was painted red.

His shirt was also soiled, and his uniform jacket was unbuttoned. Clothes a bit tattered. A pool of blood around.

And next to the wall sat Suguru whose face was tilted down. His typical loose clothes were also soiled. One sleeve of his white traditional dress lay on the floor as his left hand held his shoulder. Hair in disarray.

You felt the cold flow through your body... As you drop your bag on the floor, you heard faint sounds.

And suddenly you saw and heard Satoru laughing out loud and wallowing in 'blood'. Suguru also joined him and his arm appeared, showing that he doesn't have a severed arm at all.

They both laughed and suddenly looked at you.

And then their laughter died down. Because they saw big tears running down your face as you looked at them.

Their expressions stopped and you suddenly kicked your bag at Satoru, watching him catch it.

"(y/n)...!" Suguru called after you, reaching out to you with his hand but he didn't manage to stop you.

Wiping away your tears, you ran to your room slamming the door.

These are supposed to be grown men?! They may be almost 20 years old, but that doesn't change the fact that they are idiots!

You lay down on the bed and cried.

How could they do this to you? It was not funny! You thought something had happened to them! You thought someone had attacked them! And here it turns out that it was just their stupid joke?!

You'd take it more as a joke if you caught them fucking on the kitchen table! Or if they did something else! But that's not cool!

What they did is not cool at all...

You've been afraid of losing them so many times. Especially Suguru who had an existential crisis for a while. But now everything was fine, so why did they want to fool you and show that they are dead.

"Baby, can we come in?!"

You heard Satoru's voice outside the door.

"...Fuck off!" You groaned as you turned your head away from the pillow you were lying on.

"Baby..."

"Get away from me! You're so stupid!"

"(y/n), we can talk?"

Suguru opened the door slightly, peeking inside to see you lying on your stomach on the bed and crying into your pillow.

"What do you want think?! You think it was funny?! You're probably fucked up and crazy! Fucking idiots!"

"It was supposed to be a joke... A little revenge for scaring us earlier..." Whitehaired one muttered.

"This is not funny!" You screamed as you watched your boys wipe their faces off of the fake blood. "I never meant to scare you!"

"And that blood on your clothes in the washing machine?"

"I got my period, you idiot! We've been together since second year at school and you still can't remember when i get my period!"

"Baby..."

Suguru's hand was placed on your back and he picked you up, placing you on his lap.

You hugged him crying.

Satoru sat next to you, put his head on Suguru's shoulder and pulled you up to hold on to him as well.

"We didn't know you'd react like that... Sorry..." he muttered, rubbing your thigh.

How could you have reacted differently? They pretended they died! You used to be afraid of them all the time because they are sorcerers...

And now they're doing this to you... You were afraid that you would lose one of them... And when you were afraid that they might leave, it turns out that they made a joke of it?

"You look prettier when you smile than when you cry. Like when you blush."

You looked up at Satoru's blue eyes as he stared at you intently but just as calmly.

"When you look at us with love and not something like that. We didn't want to do this to you. Sorry. It won't happen again."

He leaned in to kiss your cheek. You let him, feeling his soft lips against yours.

You gave him your lips, allowing him to kiss you. So he pressed his lips against yours.

"So Suguru wouldn't be jealous..." he murmured with a smile and reached over to his boyfriend's face, pulling him in for a kiss.

And then you kissed the dark haired boy softly.

"Show you something?" He took his phone out of his pocket and opened the flap.

And then he showed that you were his wallpaper.

You're used to him wanting a model in a swimsuit or something in the beginning.

And now he has you and Suguru as he stands shirtless next to you. His shirt is on your body. naked thighs. Why? Because Satoru took this picture naked in bed.

"This photo is beautiful. But I'd like to see your smiling face with hearts in your eyes. When your mouth is open when you moan."

You changed suddenly and he clenched his hands on Suguru's clothes.

"Satoru, do you think it's a good idea to talk about it now?"

"I'll have a picture of her fucked up face next to yours. And you'll have a picture of her fucked up face and mine. Matching wallpapers!"

"And she?"

"She will have a picture of my face when you fuck me and your face will be next to mine!"

"I don't know if that's a good idea now."

"Honey, can I make you feel better?" He purred in your ear, licking your neck.

You can't be angry with them for long. Because they hold your heart.

"Do it..." you murmured as you snuggled into Suguru's chest and felt their fingers begin to touch you.

It's supposed to be humorous? Yes.

Because he's looking for the perfect shot for photos. His photos are crazy. Remember how he used to sneak pictures of you at school when you were in your room or in the shower so you could go back to his room and do things everyone knows...

That's why he likes taking pictures like this.

And if they want you to forgive them, let them. Maybe thanks to this you will forget that the whole floor in the house is smeared with fake blood...

Just as it was supposed to be. For Suguru, a picture of you lying under Satoru with a red face and small tears. Your face contorted in pleasure. And next to your face is the face of Satoru whose cheeks are red and his eyes are rolling backwards.

For Satoru, your same face when you lie with your back on Suguru's chest. And next to the dark-haired man's smile.

For you (even though you didn't want this wallpaper on your phone), a picture of their faces as Suguru dominated Satoru. Satoru blushing with little tears in his eyes?

At least you'd prefer these photos to photos of them in fake blood.

[jacarandaaaas]

actually let’s talk about how all this criticism of young girl protagonists acting “quirky” is actually misogyny that relates to the real world.

Firstly when it comes to Disney a lot of their male protagonists (some even being grown men) act exactly the same way the female ones do. But are they critiqued? No they’re not.

I think this is interesting as teen girls interests, hobbies, attitude are always under scrutiny. How many times do you see a 14 year old girl to grow up whilst the 19 year old boy acts the same.

Girls are expected to mature quicker in society were expected to be responsible to “mother” people. When I compare how I was at 15 vs how my brother is now at 15 it’s very different. Boys are allowed to be immature for as long as the need because “boys will be boys”

but girls? oh no we can’t have that. It’s also worth mentioning that since we’re talking about Disney here that most of these protagonists are YOUNG. they are not grown women they are teenagers.

I also think the people claiming that “teens don’t act like that” is another wave of “I’m not like most girls”. Children in particular girls are online now. You go onto tiktok and you can’t tell a 12 year old from a 16 year old. Why? because kids are seeing how the “cool kids” act and are emulating that behavior. They are trying to grow up fast. I for one can say I’ve had an awkward weird phase when I was younger. But I look online now and see 13 year olds who go straight from being a child to dressing like an 18 year old.

This also shows with girls fashion. I see some items in the children’s section and I will find a very similar outfit in the adults section. So why wont society just let kids be kids? Why are we critiquing people for being immature when they are children!? It’s

[langernameohnebedeutung]

Thinking about writing a 14 year old girl who starts out bratty and grows and changes, but thinking about the best way to write her in a bratty manner without seeming like I'm bashing on teenage girls in general, any thoughts?

Oh, that's actually something I have quite a few thoughts about!

the shortest answer I can think of is to look at teenagers you know in real life and their behaviours - that's a good start to make that character authentic. A lot of people get age milestones wrong when writing kids (personally that's why I avoid writing kids) and especially with girls, it feels like a lot of authors can only write 'basically an over-sized toddler' and 'she only cares about boys and sex'. Now, teenagers are also tricky because they are all very different. I think learning about what actual 14yo do in their freetime, what interests them, what music they listen to, what jokes they make - or to maybe look at some of the things you did at that age - can be very helpful to avoid being too "how do you do, fellow kids!

Tbh, I always feel like the biggest issue with the way people write the 'bratty teenage girl' is that she's always there to be the 'reaction character'—because she's written by adults, and it reflects how adults feel dealing with teenagers, especially teenage girls. Usually, you have a main character, typically a middle-aged man, who is doing something, and the teenage girl character is standing on the sidelines, chewing gum and telling him he's boring or uncool or be like 'urgh, old people'. At the end of the story he wins her over and, in a heart-warming scene, she will say something like, '…actually, you're not that bad,' or '…okay, maybe you are pretty cool.' It mostly just feels like the adult author feeling insecure about their own age and whether they're still in touch with The Youth, and it's been done A Lot.

Then you often have teenagers as damsels to be saved—and the bratty factor often makes them more difficult to save. That's also a very common trope that often results in people hating on the character, even though, in my opinion, that's often unfair (and very often especially unfairly directed at female characters).

If you think of teenage girl characters who work really well, I think it's the ones that sincerely reflect the experience of being a teenage girl (or a teenager in general). Or whose experiences serve as a good allegory for those experiences. Think of your classic 'teenage detective' stories where the adults just. don't. listen. In those stories, 'bratty' is often a label assigned to the main characters BY adults who ignore them—we understand the context of why they are bratty. It makes perfect sense for them to be that way. Or think of your YA protagonists who stand a little outside society, who often try to do what is right but get very little recognition for it. Or think of all those shows featuring teenagers that have aged well and are still popular with adults—shows like Avatar or Kim Possible. They are usually stories that take the problems of teenagers and the world they face quite seriously - by placing them side by side with actually world-threatening events. While at the same time, the dismissive way adults treat teenagers is a giant threat to these worlds.

Now, obviously, these were shows specifically FOR kids—but I would argue that similar rules apply when writing a teenager in any other genre, especially if you want to avoid bashing them. Take their issues seriously. Explain why they are 'bratty.' Explore what it means to be 'bratty.'

For example, right now I'm rewatching Gotham (a show not for kids), and a major character is Selina Kyle, the young Catwoman, who is living on the streets as a homeless girl. She has a flippant, careless, often mocking demeanor and doesn't really let people in. A lot of people see her as a 'brat'—but because you see her in many situations, you understand what her life is like. You see how people treat her (she's frequently referred to as 'street trash'), and you understand perfectly why she acts that way.

When she does show that she cares about someone, when she lets people in, or when we find out, for example, that she takes care of other kids on the street or the stories she tells herself to feel better about her family, it’s not just to make some adult character feel better. In those moments, we actually learn something about her, build a meaningful connection with her, and see what makes HER tick. She is more than just the 'bratty teenager.'"

Obviously, it doesn't always have to be a giant tragic backstory. That really depends on the story you're telling. Personally, I would argue that even being a teenager (especially a girl!) in normal middle-class society comes with enough reasons to be a 'brat.' There you are, 13 years old, and old men are cat-calling you on the street. You're in your training bra while the beauty industry bombards you with insane beauty standards. Your parents are divorcing, and when you want to understand why, everyone talks to you in a baby voice. You get bullied in school, someone makes deepfakes of you and shares them on Snapchat, and when you try to explain that to the teacher, you can see their eyes glaze over because they don't have a clue what you're talking about.

One very common statement I hear about teenage girls is "they do it for the attention" - which, to a point, is true. Obviously, they want attention. Everyone wants attention to some degree. But notice how this is the same language often used to ignore and neglect the needs (especially medical needs) of adult women. Teenagers also often don't have the language to communicate the complex feelings and situations they are dealing with now. Being bratty or sulking or similar behaviours are they way of trying communicate their feelings. A good way to write a teenage girl like that is to explore her character and to be true to the motives and reasons why she is acting like this.

For example, I think a lot of teenagers are in a very alienated position in society. They're in a very difficult phase in their lives: They are growing into adult problems and adult feelings, adult routines. But those are still VERY big shoes for them to fill. It is overwhelming. This is also why they make convenient main-characters for these kinds of YA novels - because these are not yet integrated into society. They often have an outside perspective. They question the status quo. And this also appeals to teenage audiences because they are in the position where they start questioning the world around them, their family, school, gender, religion, politics.

Teenagers want to have an identity for themselves, make their own decisions, and explore who they are—but very often, the adults around them still treat them as kids, limiting them without even bothering to explain why. Much of the environment created for teenagers is out of touch with their interests—it's often condescending, lecturing, and not very empowering. Every time they have new hobbies - Pokemon Go, Fortnite, some new band, they are always mocked relentlessly by the same adults who don't even know how to entertain them. Some kids on youtube are eating tidepods and suddenly their entire generation is being blamed. The same messages are repeated over and over at teenagers and they're preached to in this way regardless of their own experiences or behaviour. If you are a teenager, no one cares about YOUR life, situations, or struggles—which, at this time, can be quite serious. You want to take charge of your own life, start captaining that ship—but very often, you stand by while some adult does it for you, telling you not to start smoking (it's dangerous!! Don't listen to your friends!!). (again, doesn't it make sense why teenagers see themselves in girls fighting dystopian governments?)

When kids become teenagers, their parents often stop being the most important go-to people in their lives—this is when their friends become their social bubble, and they share many things ONLY with them. So, the things adults often mock about teenagers (like 'But daaaaad, I reaaaally want to go out tonight!' or 'Muuuuum, I really need that One Direction tattoo!!') genuinely are that important to them. 'But everyone is going!!!' really is a valid reason in their eyes. And they often experience adults who not only don't understand but are extremely mocking toward them. Another reason why they might seem bratty to adults - when their behaviour might seem perfectly sensible to them.

Also, consider that when teenagers are portrayed as dumb or naive, that's usually the adult perspective on kids being less cynical and experienced than adults - and that's why they get angry when you say no to something or get bored and annoyed when you lecture them. They might genuinely believe that a new top or a trip to the clubs will help them win new friends, or that this boy might really like them if they do what he says. It seems real to them because they haven't lived through it yet. They have hope that these things will work, and they're a lot less worried about risks because they haven't seen things go wrong as often as adults have. (Just recently, I walked down a narrow street on a steep hill that I used to skate down at breakneck speed without any helmet or protection as a teen—where I could never have slowed down or avoided a car—and back then, it hadn't even occurred to me how dangerous it was. As an adult, I had a 'how am I still alive??' moment seeing that place.)

You know how we often say, 'Be nice to toddlers and babies, this really is their first time on a plane/in a car/in a supermarket'? The same applies to teenagers when it comes to things adults find childish. Wearing THAT outfit or going THERE really is that important to them. And do you know who they hang out with? Who some of their most important social contacts are? Other teenagers, who also think THAT is important. That romance book with its familiar tropes or those song lyrics we've heard a thousand times really are That Deep for them—because it’s new to them

They also don’t live within the same contexts as we do—they don’t have jobs, they go to school, and they don’t get money or immediate rewards for what they do. Is a teenager sulking during a trip or on holiday? Well, they worked just as hard at school this year as you did at work, but they don’t get a say in where the trip goes, most of the time. When they mow the lawn, they don’t really care what the garden looks like—because it doesn’t impact them. So of course they roll their eyes when you ask them to. They live in a world where they constantly do things without seeing any direct benefit, while the things they do find rewarding are often mocked or forbidden by adults

So yeah, one way to make a bratty teen sympathetic is to explore why she is bratty and to show her side of events.

Also: You can explore what makes her less bratty! Perhaps she's nostalgic for simpler times or she really loves animals or she moved and misses her old home or she is passionate about a hobby or music or drawing. These things might make her more approachable to people who also respect them and we see the personality beneath the brattiness.

And also you can explore what bratty means! There are many different flavours of "bratty teenagers". Some are already well-established tropes like the rich brat* or the goth kid. But the real challenge to making a bratty teenager likeable, imo, is to give them a distinctive personality and to make their bratty behaviour reflect real life motivations. In which way is she bratty? Does she disagree with everything you say? Perhaps there is a bigger thing she feels she's not listened to about. Is she reclusive? could be there are a lot of arguments happening around the house she wants to avoid. Does she have specific opinions and viewpoints she stands in at all times? Or is she contrarian on principle? Are there people she's particularly bratty towards? How does she act around her friends, teachers, strangers, neighbours, parents etc. I think the more you explore that the more she becomes a person and the more she becomes a person, the less it feels like you're bashing or mocking teenagers.

On the other hand, you could also write a character who really is a huge dick or even a villain. There's also many flavours of that - anything from the pissy older sibling to the mean girl bullying people in school to the Creepy Kid. (Think of characters like Joffrey from Game of Thrones, that's how far you can go with an evil brat villain even in adult story.) In these cases, I would also explore why they are who they are - even if the answers to this might be less sympathetic.

If you do that, you could also include other teenage characters with very different personalities to show that you are not making general statements about teenagers but that this is just one character you are describing. Or you could give her parents who act similarly. Or maybe it's a question of schooling - that's another popular trope for teenage villains, they might be a reflectin of a dysfunctional social environment like their school or the place they live.

*the thing about the rich brat trope: As someone who worked as a teacher at a boarding school for very wealthy kids, I often have issues with the very shallow depictions of this that basically boil down to "this kid gets everything they want so they suck". There are some very specific forms of neglect that are common among rich people and tbh, I think if you want to go in that direction, I would also look at what life this kid lives and WHAT they are lacking.

[flowery-mess]

Swan Lake

Noah x ballerina reader

I will never forget the way I was feeling at that stage in front of all those people. My parents and siblings in first row, watching me with eyes full of tears and pride. I got the lead role in Swan Lake at the age of 16 which was seen as big accomplishment in ballet world. In that moment I felt happy, proud of myself and stronger than ever. But that didn’t last long.

Just a seconds after the big red curtain was closed and me and other dancers went in the direction of our changing room, I heard my name being called. Screamed, actually.

I turned around to see our trainer speed walking to me. I quickly went over the whole play in my head. What did I do wrong? I couldn’t think of anything, I felt good. She found million reasons to tell me I was a bad choice for playing the lead role, that I’m too fat and I won’t play on the next date.

That was it. That night I told my parents I’m done with ballet and I’m quitting immediately. My mother was ballet dancer too, we talked a lot about how hard it was for me lately, so she agreed with my decision and went to talk to my trainer. I packed my things and never saw that woman again. That felt like a big rock fell off my shoulders. That was 10 years ago.

-

“What are you thinking about?” Noah asked, his hand gently placed on my thigh as we were driving to my family home for Saturday lunch with my family.

“It’s 10 years anniversary of me ending my ballet career. I was thinking about it a lot recently.”

“Thinking about as?” he waited for my response as he didn’t really understand how I feel about it.

“As I miss it, I guess. I was thinking about talking with my mom about it today. Also I looked up some ballet classes in our area. But I don’t know, it was just a silly idea.” I shrugged it off.

I never really talked with Noah about my ballet career. I told him I did ballet for 14 years and quit for mental health issues. I mean, it’s very much known how the ballet industry works, so he understood. I have very mixed feelings about getting back into it at my age, so I haven’t told anyone yet.

I tried to stay healthy and fit, I sometimes go to open dance classes and sometimes I try some ballet steps. I still got it. I am a lucky one, I still have good stretches and I learn steps quickly. I just got bored of doing it only in our living room.

“Really? That’s not a silly idea, it’s actually a really cool idea. Did you find any good places?” I was surprised with Noah’s excitement. He is very supportive of everything I do, but I guess I expected different reaction.

“I like two ballet studios. They have some good teachers and also open classes, just for hobby attendance. One is on Mondays and the other one is on Thursdays, so I can try both and then see which one I like more.”

“Are you signed up already?”

“No, I am not sure Noah. It brings up lot of bad memories, 10 years ago it got me into a really bad place and I’m scared it’s going to be the same this time.” I felt tears coming as I thought of little 13 years old me crying through the whole night, because I was told I’m fat for ballet. That I’m not good enough. That I’m too tall to be a ballerina. That my skin is too pale. That I got in just because of my mother. That I’m never going to make it.

Those memories make me feel little and so vulnerable.

“I’m sure it will be great honey. If you miss it, then you should try it. But it’s your decision, okay? I don’t want to push you into anything. Take your time to think about it, talk with your mom and you will see what’s her opinion on this, right?” he brought his hand that was holding mine in it to his lips and placed small kisses against my palm.

“Thank you.” I shot him a smile which he gladly returned.

-

I loved days like today, spending time with my family. All of them love Noah, so after we have lunch, we are usually both separated and have conversation with someone else. Firstly, I talked to my siblings about college and their new internships, while Noah talked with my dad about new music and their upcoming Europe tour. My dad absolutely loves Bad omens and I am sure he is their biggest fan. When my family visits for shows, he never wants to be in the backstage, watching the show from safe space. He always goes in the crowd, which makes my mum crazy scared every single time.

I used this as a chance to talk to mom about the ballet thing that was going around in my head.

“Mom do you mind coming with me outside for a minute?”

“Of course darling.”

We took our coffees with us as we made our way to the garden and sit on the big couch that my parents had there for my whole life. That thing is going to outlive all of us.

“What is it darling?”

“What do you mean?” I tried to hide my worries, but my mom knows me too well.

“I know when my baby is worried about something. What is it? Is it Noah? Are you sad he’s going to leave for tour soon?”

“Oh no, well, yes that too, but it’s not the first time, that will be okay. It’s something I wanted to talk about especially with you.” I played with the cup in my hands and avoided the topic as long as I could.

“Come on hon, spit it out.”

“I was thinking about getting back into ballet.” I said and kept my eyes low, focused on the green grass. I looked up just because my mom wasn’t saying anything. “What? Are you going to say something? I don’t know what this face means.” I was honestly so confused with the way her face was looking at me. Was she happy about? Sad? I couldn’t tell.

“Well, I was expecting this much sooner than now.”

“What?”

“I always thought you will want to get back to it at some point in your life hon. You loved it. Aside from those ugly things, you loved ballet. I was so angry at that woman who ruined for you.”

“Why did you never say anything?” I was so confused. She was waiting for this for years and never talked about it with me?

“Because it’s your decision, not mine. I didn’t want you to think I was disappointed with you or pushing you back into it. Did you think of where would you start with classes? And would you want to take part in plays again?” She was right. It is just mine decision and with everything she saw me go through I understand she was worried.

“I found two studios near our home that look good. They have weekly open classes that I was thinking about. But I wanted to talk with you first about it.”

Then we fell into long dialogue about everything connected with be going back into ballet. My mom gave me a courage to at least try it. She said my eyes lit up when I talked about the good memories I had from my child age. She also told me that I am more mature than I was back then and even if I don’t think I can handle it, I can. And she was right.

I’m a grown woman now, I can handle myself and protect myself. It’s also just open class for everyone who wants to try ballet, there will be no judgement.

-

“I’m going to try it.” We left my parents house later than expected, so it was dark outside when we were driving back.

“The open classes? Did you talk with your mom about it?”

“Yes and she said I should give it a chance. So I guess I won’t be home on Monday evening.”

“Can I go watch you?” Noah asked.

“What?” I returned him a question, not knowing what he meant.

“I mean I never saw you do your ballet thing and you will be wearing those ballet outfits and I’m sure that will be hot.” He said as if it was obvious fact that I should’ve known.

“You’re not being serious right now, are you?” I tried to hold my laugh in at his innocent clueless face.

“Well I’m not, but I would really like to see your little ballet outfit for sure.” He turned his face to you so you could see his smirk.

“Sure, watch the road you perv.”

-

It had already been a month since I started going to open classes in the studio I chose after the first week. I chose the one closer to our home, their dance rooms were bigger and more modern and our teacher was a lovely girl, possibly my age.

And it felt amazing. It felt like I was alive again. Don’t get me wrong I loved my life with Noah, my work and everything, but this felt like the missing piece.

While I was changing into my clothes after today’s class, our teacher Molly came to talk to me.

“Listen Y/N, I know you said you have bad experience and memories with professional ballet, but we have few spots open in our semi professional group and I thought you’d be great candidate. I see you’re learning faster than anyone in your class and I’m scared you would get bored after a while. There will be auditions, but I can get a word in for you and see if you could skip them. Just think about it and let me know as soon as you decide please.”

That night I came running home to share that news with Noah.

“WHERE ARE YOU?” I screamed just seconds after I opened the door.

“Studio.”

When I opened the door Noah turned in his chair to face me.

“Did I do something?” he looked scared.

“What?”

“Why are you screaming and running, I’m scared I did something.” You let out a chuckle at his words.

“No, but I got news. Great news.”

“Let me hear them.”  I walked over to him and sat in his lap.

“I just got offered a place in semi professional group at the studio. Without auditions, Molly wants me there.”

“Honey that’s great news! That’s amazing news!” he stood up with me in his arms and spined us around.

“So you think I should accept that offer?”

“You haven’t already?”

“No, I wanted to think about it.”

“Judging by your reaction, there’s nothing to think about.” He smiled into our kiss.

“I guess I’m back on track then.” I kissed him back.

-

Long story short, I accepted Molly’s offer and started with my new group. I had classes 4 times a week, which was bit hard to get used to, but after while it was okay.

Noah left for tour, so at least I got something to do with my free time.

Noah leaving was also good for another reason. There is time difference between us, so we usually text each other or have short calls, so my worries are easy to hide.

Last week Molly told us that our group will be playing Swan Lake few months from now on, which brought back some memories. Semi professional groups still play in midsized theatre, I joined them when there wasn’t any, so I expected some play to come soon, but not this one.

I had mixed feelings about it, thinking if I want to play or if I just pass this one. Applications are closing in three days and I still haven’t applied for any role, which was weird for Molly.

She asked me about it after last class, so I told her about my ballet history, how Swan Lake basically ruined it for me. Molly is very positive person, so she told me something that got stuck in my head. She said I could take it as an opportunity and change Swan Lake from something bad to something really good in my life.

Truth is, I am thinking about applying for Odette/Odile, but I haven’t told anyone yet.

-

“Okay that’s enough love, what is going on?” Noah asked through the phone and I saw his forehead wrinkles were making his worried face. It’s scary how well he knows me, but with tomorrow being the last day for applications I needed to tell him.

“Our group is going to play Swan Lake in a few months and I don’t know if I should apply or not. It’s the play that made me quit.”

“Looks like it’s your second chance to make the best out of it. Listen, you were worried about even getting into ballet again and look at you now! I know you’re worried now, but wouldn’t you regret not even trying it?” I felt like I was on the phone with Molly right now.

“I know, I was thinking about applying for the lead role, I did it back then too. But maybe I should do other role?”

“Oh no love, if anyone is supposed to be the lead role in this play, it’s you.”

“You have to say this, you’re my boyfriend Noah.”

“Well wouldn’t you be the same if I was in your position? That’s what you do for your partner. You know how many songs would be forgotten and never released if you didn’t support me? There is lot of them I thought weren’t good enough, but you made me finish them. I may don’t understand ballet, but I understand you and I know you would regret not applying. So you get your ass up right now and fill what ever you need to fill and send it to Molly or I’m going to do it.”

And he was right, I would regret it. But I still couldn’t believe myself when I saw ‘send’ on my screen after I applied for Odette/Odile.

-

Molly informed me that me and 5 other girls applied for the same role, so there will be two rounds of auditions, first one starting on Monday, which gives me 6 days to prepare for it. Noah is also coming back home on Monday, so I’m happy I will share the outcome with him. Either we will celebrate or he will make me his comfort food and I’m happy with both options.

-

I spend the last 6 days going over the choreography for the first round of auditions. Everyday after work I went straight home and practiced. Last night I didn’t get a chance to talk with Noah, because he was already on his way back to the states. I at least talked to my mom this morning.

“Y/N you’re next.” I heard Molly from the ballet room.

-

“I’m homeee.” I heard Noahs voice that I missed so much. I left the pans on low heat and left kitchen to meet Noah in the living room.

I didn’t waste any time and went straight in for a kiss.

“Missed me much?” he managed to say between our kisses.

“Very much.” I looked at his face, tired face, and held it in my hands “Hi love.”

“Hi.” He leaned his forehead against mine as we enjoyed bit of silence and each other’s presence after month and two weeks apart.

“How was the flight?” I broke the silence, took his hand and led him into our kitchen to finish dinner.

“It was okay. I slept most of the time, but I’m still very tired. And I need a shower.”

“You can go take a shower now, it will take few more minutes until it’s done.” I pointed to the food.

“Okay.” Noah got up, left kiss on my nose and went to get shower. That’s what I thought at least. On his way to our bathroom, he realized I didn’t tell him about the audition.

“Y/N? Wasn’t the audition today?” it was, but I wanted to tell him about the result over dinner.

“It was, but I wanted to tell you later.” I tried to hide the smile on my face.

“You got through to the second audition, didn’t you?” he caught your smile and immediately knew the answer. “I guess we can celebrate right now in the shower huh? Are you going to join me?”

-

“So girls, I want to thank you for participating in this audition. It was hard to decide, but in the end, we agreed on one name. And it’s you, Y/N. We were amazed by your performance and we feel like your experience with this play could help us to make the best of it. Congratulations!” Molly gave me a hug and whispered in my ear that she knew it was going to be me from the beginning.

Noah and my mom said the same. My mom made sure she put date of the premiere in hers and dad’s calendar so they wouldn’t miss it. Noah also made sure to clear that day months in advance and welcomed me home with a flower and dinner as a celebration.

-

Breathe in, breathe out. And repeat. I stood in backstage already in my costume. I saw Noah and my parents in the first row as the rest of the room filled with strangers. Strangers that are going to be watching me in a few minutes.

“Are you ready Y/N? How are you feeling?” I felt Molly’s hand on my shoulder.

“I’m nervous, but also excited. I haven’t preformed for over decade, so I hope I don’t panic.”

“You’ll be great. We did lot of work, all of you will do great tonight.”

She then went to talk to other girls and I felt my phone buzz in my hand. It was Noah.

“Don’t be nervous, we’re very excited to see you shine tonight. You’ll kill it babe, I love you.” Oh my sweet Noah. Supportive as always.

-

I stood still in my pose as the curtain was closing. I let out a big breath I didn’t even realised I was holding in when the curtain was fully closed. I turned around to see my friends and in that moment we realized we just finished our premiere of the Swan Lake. And it was perfect. We did group hug, with Molly joining us. It was completely different than 10 years ago. This night was full of support and love.

I went to change into my normal clothes and then to meet Noah and my parents.

My dad and Noah both had bouquets in their hands and my mom had tears in her eyes. She was also the first one to pull me into a hug.

“I’m so proud of you Y/N, you can’t even imagine. You grew up into a beautiful woman and you just showed me how strong you are.”

“Thank you, mom, I couldn’t have done this without you.”

Then it was my dad who pulled me into strong hug. My dad didn’t show emotions a lot, so I appreciated him coming tonight.

I really wanted to literally jump into Noah’s arms, but I kept calm in front of my parents. They said their goodbyes and left, because they have long road ahead of them.

As soon as they left the parking lot I turned to Noah and attacked him with hugs and kisses.

“Slow down baby, let me congratulate you and give you this beautiful flower.” It really was beautiful bouquet. Noah always got me beautiful flowers.

“How was it? Did you like it?” I was interested in Noah’s opinion, because it was his first ballet play he saw.

“It was beautiful! You were amazing! I know you can stretch your legs right, but I didn’t know you can stretch them like this.” I didn’t know if I should slap his arm for his stupid comment or laugh at him as he was trying to show me what he meant and trying to do the pose he was referring to.

“Okay ballerina I get it!” I laugh and stopped him from what he was doing before he got himself injured.

“Do you want to go out for dinner and drinks? Or go home and order something? You must be hungry.” We intertwined our hands and Noah led me to his car. He was right, I didn’t eat much today, because of the nerves.

“I think I want to go home, order something to eat, have a glass of wine, have hot bubble bath and then my back could use a massage…”

“I will give you massage only if you let me join you in the bath.” Of course he wouldn’t miss that chance.

“Deal. Let’s get home.” Noah started his car and took my hand in his.

“I love you and I’m so proud of you. I’m getting tickets to every show and I’m making the guys come with me.”

“Okay.” I laughed, but I knew he was serious. I’m sure that at the next show I’m going to see the core of BO crew in the front row.

“But I’m serious, I love you.”

“I love you too Noah, thank you for being by my side for all of this.”

“Always.”

[rrat-king]

And what if I tell you my Fight, Flight, Fawn theory for the Appleboys reuniting with Kristen. What then? Going by your age gaps of 2, 4, 8 because they're canon adjacent and the idea of the Applebees having a playpen when three out of four kids were 14, 12 and 10 is too funny. Assuming a reunion between Kris and the younger two happens post her birthday so it's 17, 13 and 9 respectively. Buckys is analysing his actual response we saw from 14 year old him. When I say leave in reference to Kristen, know that I know it wasn't her choice (Mac and Donna when I fucking get you)

Bucky got the Fawn response. I'll be real, when I began theorising that an Applebees brother would feature I thought "Oh god here comes the angst. There will be resentment, Mac and Donna have undoubtedly been talking shit for two years. But we see him and he's happy. He missed her. He hugs her. He wants to hang out. And yeah that probably stems from the fact you'll naturally miss your sibling and the fact he probably had to take the oldest sibling mantle. But he barely even commented on her life and friends (aside from the half baked comment about her living in sin and side eyeing Fig). I was expecting more problematic behaviours to be honest. The theory is he entered full people pleasing mode, desperately tampering down any complicated feelings because he NEEDS to make himself a good brother that Kristen will want to stay for this time (of course not realising Kristen will stay the best she can no matter if he kicks and screams)

Bricker got Fight. Was like 10 when Kris left, and I say this with love, in the absolute throes of puberty. I don't know what it is but this kid just gives me angry vibes, maybe it's the middle child. Very Nico DiAngelo "He looked too young to be so angry". When you're a kid, especially in that horrific period of 10-13 you go to the easy solution which is being mad, and you go to the easy target which is the one who "started" this huge upheaval (read Kristen). To a lesser extent, Bucky, for trying to play big brother (Bricker doesn't even realise this but the anger mostly came from a subconscious desire to preserve Kristen's place in the family for if she comes back).

(Bonus: Once they have a very good conversation and Bricker is reassured Kristen never did stop thinking about and loving him he will cry three years worth of pent up tears and beg her not to leave again)

Cork got Flight. He was only 6 when she left, its been 3 years of experiences (little man went from first grade to third in that time its a Lot). Kristen has physically changed a lot since they last saw each other. All this to say, he takes a minute to recognise this older person who's eyes are all wet at the sight of him. Some part of his brain blocked out memories of her because the way she was just gone one day was so scary to his little brain. When it does register who she is, Cork becomes completely unlike himself and gets shy. He makes Bucky stand close by because all he knows is that 1. This is a heathen who rebuked Helio's light 2. This is Krissy, back after what felt like forever and 3. She's so cool looking and why would someone this cool ever want to talk to him.

(Bonus: She played it off but Kristen's heart did break seeing Cork, the little boy she raised, take a minute to work out who she is, when she never forgot him. Not to quote Taylor but very "And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe")

god yeah kristen having partially raised cork only for him not to know who she is anymore/barely recognize her haunts me so much. bucky as a people pleaser is such a good read especially as he is forced into kristen's role as head of the siblings I just. yeah. also angry bricker is so important to me. he got left behind! he's not ok with that and he's gonna be angry. god I just. applebees kids make me crazy this is such a good read.

[ghostingcrows]

Okay because generally I’ve been seeing a lot of fighting a weirdness I wanted to talk about this for a second

Hobie Brown is not an adult

Please stop being weird about him!!

More explanations under the cut

I’ve been complaining about this a lot and for people that don’t understand this situation essentially in an interview one of the directors said that an early concept of Hobie design was that he was supposed to be like the cooler older kid and as the example used for this he stated the ages 19/20

Because of this many people took it as still being canon which has led to a large bit of debate in the community between people about his age

The people who have taken this reference to the early concept as canon have started bashing people who ship Hobie with others in the group (mainly Miles and Pav which is important and which I will come back to later) as well as used this as an excuse to sexualize Hobie because hes an adult

A barely legal one which even if this was true is its own separate issue

However the issue with this specific take is that its wrong

For a variety of reasons

1) For starters people say that since the director said he was 19/20 it must be true however another director/creator of the film has stated that Hobies age is up for interpretation meaning he doesn’t have a specific set age

However, it is very clear based off of everything else that Hobie was still meant to be in the teenager range in terms of age 

For starters the actual movie

Throughout the first half of the movie Hobie is referred to a couple times by both Gwen and Pav and later Miles

Every time he is talked about in this context it is always with the undertoned implication of him and Gwen supposedly having a romantic relationship with both Pav and Gwen treating it as a sort of thing that could potentially cause friction or other issues in regards to Miles and Gwens relationship

If Hobie really were 19/20 this would be, cannot stress this enough, incredibly weird and creepy on the writers part

Unlike Hobie Gwen does have a confirmed age and she IS a minor and the movie imply that she had a relationship with Hobie whether she actual did or not and treating it as a joke would be weird and out of place if he was an adult

Not to mention that a lot of people referred to Gwen, Hobie and Miles dynamic as a love triangle which again weird and gross and uncalled for if Hobie was an adult

2) The art books both in the english and Japanese translation refer to Hobie in a way that either implies hes a kid or outright uses terms that mean hes a child

In the English translation of the book Hobie is referred to as the cool slightly older boy the girls want to date

Meanwhile the Japanese translation literally spells it out

3) I’ve heard a variety of different deflect in regards to all the above mentioned stuff

“Hobie doesn’t look like a kid” people age differently. I’ve met kids in high school who were the same age as or younger than me with full ass beards and mustaches as well as people who are well into there 20 who look like they’re still 15 he simply just has a structured face

“He was bit at 16 in the comics and said he was spider-man for 3 years in the movie” We aren’t in the comics universe though and in this iteration Miles was bit at like 13 and Gwen at like 14 meaning that in actuality the kids are usually bitten really damn early and the actual facts are that we don’t know how old he was when he was bitten and since we very clearly aren’t in the comic universe as these movies are significantly different from the comics you can’t just go off of that

“Just because it was a concept doesn’t mean it was changed it could still have been kept” While it is true that yes sometimes things from first draft concepts are kept a lot of times they aren’t such as Hobies best friend Pavitr who was supposed to be 13 in his concept but very clearly isn’t in the movie (I don’t actually have solid evidence for that claim I just think it would be weird that they make comments about Pavs body and show him shirtless if he was still 13 in the final-) both Pav and Hobie had a shit ton of changes done to them  alongside basically all of the main 4 (Hobie, Pavitr, Gwen and Miles), except for maybe Miles but he was already an established character, so using his concept as hard and fast evidence when he very clearly was changed a lot and everything else points toward him being a kid just doesn’t work

“He mentions going to a pub so he has to be at least 21” first Hobie is British and the legal age in Britain is 18 also you don’t have to be of legal drinking age to go into a pub you just have to be old enough to actual order drinks which doesn’t even account for the fact that this is also Hobie we’re talking about who would not give the slightest fucks about the legal drinking age “But they show him with a beer in his montage and they wouldn’t encourage that in an underage character” Hobies montage is so fast paced and colorful that I genuinely don’t even know if thats true because you can barely comprehend the stuff that happens in that scene the first time you see it and not to mention that he also flips off the cops in that montage so I don’t really think they were too concerned about encouraging certain behaviors or not since half of Hobies speech in that scene was about overthrowing governments saying ACAB

So in conclusion

Hobie doesn’t have a confirmed age but based off off all the information we are given he is probably actually closer to 16/17 as his age

Now as a side tangent something else I want to address is the inherent homophobia and racism undertones that came with the initial spreading of his false age

Because when people initially heard that age they’re first instinct wasn’t to jump at the actual movie for imply a ship with Hobie and Gwen or even on the people make jokes about but was instead to jump on the people shipping Hobie with Pav and Miles

Both other male characters who are also characters of color

Odd that the first though was the (honestly at that time) relatively new and unpopular gay poc ships (Yes I know the ships are more popular now they had BARELY any content at the time of the interview)

Like genuinely the absolute giddy JOY I saw some people have at the idea that people who were minding their own business would have had a ship they liked ruined for them was insane and still is to me