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fushiglow · 2 days ago

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10 things I've learned about being a fanfic author over the last year

At the time of writing this post, I have been writing and sharing fanfiction for Jujutsu Kaisen for almost two years. This time last year, my in-progress longfic, Over the Threshold, started to gain popularity and, over the last twelve months, I think it's fair to say I have become somewhat of a BNF in the SatoSugu community... Sigh...

While every creative wants their work to be seen, there is a threshold (ha) past which visibility brings difficulties, and unfortunately I went over it (ha) in recent months. It has changed my fandom experience significantly, and not entirely for the better. While there have been friendships for life forged, beautiful memories I'll carry with me for the rest of my life, and more kind words and fanart than I can shake a stick at, there have also been opportunists, naysayers, and even outright bullies.

Seeing your name thrown around in fandom spaces with little regard for the real person behind the writing — for your character, for your circumstances, for your creative liberty — does force you to re-evaluate your relationship with your work and your audience. With that in mind, I thought I'd share the lessons I've taken from the last year as a fanfic author.

I really hope this serves as advice for any fanfic authors seeking more visibility on their work, and also generally encourages more thoughtful engagement with fandom creators. Let's go!

1. Writing for anyone except yourself is still a bad idea

That doesn't mean it isn't sometimes worth taking reader preferences into account. It's just about knowing when to disregard them. We write fanfiction for lots of different reasons that vary from fic to fic. Sometimes, making other people happy is a good enough reason to write a fic, as long as that's what you set out to do and you're under no illusions about that.

However, letting reader expectations creep into your approach to your other work in a way that doesn't serve your personal creative vision is a bad idea, especially because...

2. People disrespect fanfic authors even more than you thought

There are plenty of kind, supportive people in fandom. However, the unfortunate truth is they are vastly outnumbered by people who will gobble up your work without even taking a moment to say thank you for the meal and who will, in fact, demand more from you instead.

Trying to please entitled people who are impossible to satisfy, who bring nothing of value to your fandom experience, and who may even resort to bullying if you don't play by their ever changing rulebook is a pointless endeavour — so don't bother!

3. Your writing process is a constant work in progress

Because you are a constant work in progress. You can't always expect something that worked for you a year ago to work the same now. There are too many variables in play, not least your skill as a writer. If the stabilisers you put on last year are no longer helping, maybe it's a sign you don't need them anymore. Maybe it's time to take them off and try something new.

I am still planning a more in depth writing process post, but the simple truth is, my writing process can be summed up as...

4. Whatever works!

My main piece of advice when it comes to writing is always going to be, "at some point, you've just got to do it". Sure, there are tools and techniques you can use to aid the process, but ultimately it always comes down to you and the words.

There's no right or wrong way to write, and there's no point comparing your process to someone else's, because ultimately you'll do whatever works for you. Whether you're someone who religiously practises a warm-up routine before sitting down to write or someone who stares at the screen for two months straight before vomiting up a masterpiece whole (or someone like me who jumbles their way through with a slightly different approach every time), it's all good as long as it ends with words on paper.

5. Writing for an audience changes the game

For better and for worse! Having an engaged readership on a WIP has, on occasion, created unique and invaluable opportunities to elevate my work beyond what would have been possible by myself. I'm very grateful for the artist-audience dialogue that I know we all crave when sharing our work with the world but aren't always fortunate enough to experience.

However, being aware of your audience while writing also influences your approach in unhelpful ways, no matter how much you try to get around it. Ensuring that I maintain control of that dialogue (or, at the very least, a 50/50 back and forth) requires constant vigilance.

6. Community is a double edged sword

I think everyone in fandom is seeking community of one kind or another. Building a dedicated community around my writing and seeing real good come of it was an unexpected by-product of sharing my fic with the world, but a deeply rewarding one. However, communities aren't static and they require a collaborative effort to maintain.

Series come to an end, fandom trends shift, people move on. On the flipside, you build something so wonderful that others want to share in its benefits without contributing in meaningful ways. Seeing a community so closely tied to your work and your sense of self shift into something unrecognisable until you start to feel like a stranger in your own space is very hard. Furthermore, managing a community in a dedicated forum takes significant time and energy which could be spent writing, which is why...

7. The most successful fanfic authors are selfish

What I mean by "successful" is up to you. However, whether it's replying to comments, supporting fellow creatives in the fandom, or even tagging work for discoverability, some authors disregard anything that prevents them from getting words onto the page. Some people are here to post their shit and leave — and more power to them.

The more of yourself you offer, the more people come to expect until, eventually, the already generous act of writing thousands of words for your fandom becomes the bare minimum. This is often where the topic of "fandom etiquette" comes up, but fanfic authors are already taking on a disproportionate share of the burden simply by sharing their work in the first place. Anything beyond that is a courtesy we are not obligated to extend. We should thank authors who thoughtfully choose to extend those courtesies anyway, rather than vilifying them when they don't.

8. Guarding your enjoyment is paramount

If, like me, you're an author who does enjoy being an active member of the fandom community, then it's important to watch out for the myriad of things that can come between you and your stories. Fandom politics, or even just fandom trends, can have a huge influence on your relationship with the characters that originally inspired you.

However, what other people are doing with them doesn't need to have any bearing on what you choose to do with them if you don't want it to. Responding to fandom trends in your writing can be satisfying, but maintaining a degree of separation between wider fandom and the stories that really matter to you is crucial, I think. That being said...

9. Collaboration feeds creativity

Some beautiful moments have been born from throwing an idea back and forth with my fellow fans. Simple things can rapidly snowball into territory you would never usually set foot in, and expanding your creative horizons like that can only ever be a good thing! Being open with your ideas in fandom spaces is always a bit of a worry, but the reward for extending that trust far outweighs the risk in my experience.

Additionally, I think we get caught up in the idea of absolute originality, but if you're active in fandom, you're always taking inspiration from your fellow creatives. Freely crediting the people who have inspired me has only ever brought wonderful things my way, and I've even gone on to develop collaborative relationships with some of them. Fandom is more fun with other people!

10. But ultimately, writing is lonely work

No matter how many friendships you forge, you still have to retreat into solitude to write the damn story eventually. Writing doesn't lend itself to active human connection as much as art or music. You can chat to someone while drawing or play an instrument alongside another person, but when you're writing, you have to go it alone.

And the worst part? Even when you eventually share your story with the world, no one will ever care about it as much as you do. Writing is such a deeply lonely experience most of the time, I think — which is why it's so important to hold onto all the things that make it worthwhile.

And that's that! I have been stewing on all of these thoughts privately, but I wanted to share them in case they're of value to someone. I tried to keep it as measured as possible, but I acknowledge that I'm in a bit of a bitter headspace about fandom in light of the Discourse TM and subsequent harassment over Christmas.

I don't think it will stop me writing stories for this fandom, but I do think it will make me more guarded in my interactions with the wider community, and I think that's a shame. I joined this fandom as a fan first and a creator second, and I'm deeply sad to feel like some of the parts I used to enjoy most are no longer accessible to me.

This experience has certainly got me thinking more critically about the trend of fandom creators seemingly becoming more distant as they gain popularity. The word "arrogant" is often thrown around, but I think it's much more likely that taking a less active role in fandom spaces isn't as much a choice as it is a necessary measure for the sake of wellbeing and even safety.

Fascinating in a sort of sick way.

#writing #fandom #fandom etiquette #fanfiction #fanfic #ao3 #long post

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spencersbabymama · 13 hours ago

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Numbers l Chapter One

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Disabled OC

Content Warning: Mention of disability, mention of disability limitations, I think that's about it.

Word Count: 1.2k

Summary: It's the first day of Brooke Bevan's dream job working as a technical analyst for the Behavioral Analyst Unit in the FBI. She knows girls like her don't get jobs like these every day so she doesn't want to blow it. What she wasn't expecting, was to meet a dapper genius her age....

a/n: AAAAAHHH I'm so excited to finally be posting this! This series is my baby and I'm so excited to share. I'm really passionate about writing disabled characters since I'm disabled myself, and I've noticed a lack of Spencer Reid x Disabled OC content, so I figured why not do it myself? Shout out to @just-call-me-by-yn & @floraisunwell for pushing me to go forward with this idea! I'm so happy I met you both! Also credit to @just-call-me-by-yn for making this awesome banner for me 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

Story: “Hey, thanks for meeting me downstairs. You would think for a government building, they would have easier to reach elevator buttons for everyone.” I joke, trying to break the ice with the person I’ll be spending most of my time with.

Although that didn’t seem to be a problem because the second I entered the lobby, Penelope Garcia, BAU Technical Analyst Extraordinaire, was standing right in the middle wearing white dress covered in colorful flowers, pink cardigan, matching kooky glasses, yellow heels, and all wrapped up in a smile that could possibly blind an elderly person. It was at that moment, I knew work, at least, wouldn't be boring.

“Oh honey, no problem, I probably would have raced to the lobby even if you didn’t call just so I could be the first one to greet you.” Penelope giggled. I opened my mouth to add my own witty humor but instantly got cut off. “You know normally I don’t love newbies joining the team, especially newbies entering my expertise, but I had a feeling when I found out you were another techy kick butt girl? Oh my gosh I was so excited!” Penelope added, almost seeming out of breath now from her said excitement.

All I could do was giggle and nod in agreement.

It was a relief to know I didn’t embarrass myself in the first few minutes on the job. I knew the fact that I got this job was an accomplishment. Girls like me don’t get jobs like these everyday. Girls like me who have no use of their legs and have limited muscle strength, do not get jobs in the Behavioral Analysis Unit in the FBI. Though it was my dream, the moment when I couldn't reach the elevator buttons was an honest wake up call

Ever since I was little I loved the idea of saving others and catching bad guys. When other girls were painting their nails, or playing princess, I was in the city library reading about Ted Bundy. Strange for a 12 year old girl, I know, but I couldn’t stop thinking about why people did what they did. Don’t worry I still enjoyed dolling up my nails every once in a while.

Obviously it was no secret I couldn’t run after criminals, or even use a gun so I knew it was probably a pipe dream. So I shifted gears, got into tech and code. I could do that. With the right adaptive technology, I could run laps around any encryption. Luckily I never used my powers for evil. In high school I learned about technical analysts who worked for the FBI. That was it, that was my path.

The elevator opened and I followed Penelope through the glass doors, into the bullpen I saw in my college textbooks. If it wasn’t clear by my beaming smile, I was almost start struck by the sight of all the agents sitting at the desks working and I got to be one of them. One agent stood out though because instead of flipping through files or paperwork, he was playing chess, by himself. The other odd thing was he looked about my age. I expected to be the youngest one on the team because by some miracle, I got this job only a few years after graduating college. His floppy curly brown hair shielded his eyes slightly, but even from where I was, I could tell they were brown.

Penelope’s voice took me out of my trance and my eyes snapped up to look at her “Hotch told me to come get him when you arrived since well…” She gestured to the wheels of my motorized wheelchair, then up to the door in the middle of the walkway above the main level of the bullpen with a small awkward giggle “Stairs, so I’ll be right back.” I snicker slightly then nod, sending her up the stairs and into the room she pointed to.

While waiting, my gaze goes back to the chess playing guy. He was young but dressed like an old man, suit, tie, and everything. There was something wise about him, like his looks were youthful but it seemed like he’s seen some things.

Hotch’s office door opened before he and Penelope made their way down the steps. I met them halfway, holding out my hand as best I could with a smile “Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner, Brooke Bevan, it’s seriously an honor to be working with you.” In my defense, I didn't mean to sound like a fan girl, it just came out that way.

With a firm grip, Hotch shook my hand “Welcome, we’re eager to have you.” Already I could tell the rumors were true. Aaron Hotchner was all business and it looked like he hadn’t smiled in at least a month. He was the man in charge for a reason though, the number of successful cases couldn’t lie.

Hotch reaches into his suit jacket and pulls out the thing that makes all this official. My face beams as my heart races in my chest. “Here are your credentials. As you should already know, you must keep these on you.” I nod while practically ogling the FBI symbol on the front of my credentials. “Penelpe can introduce you to everyone.” Hotch explains while placing the booklet on my lap then heads back up to his office.

Penelope practically shakes with excitement “It’s official newbie!” She was right. I am now Brooke Bevan, Technical Analyst for the FBI, it had a nice ring to it. “Come and meet everyone!” Penelope chimes before leading to a group sitting in the middle of the bullpen.

A dark-haired girl looks up from the file she was reading and her face lights up when she sees us coming “Hey! You must be Brooke.” She stands up and shakes my hand “I’m Emily Prentis, it’s nice to meet you. Hotch has said good things.”

I grin with a nod before one by one introduces themselves with a handshake. Derek Morgan, David Rossi, then Jennifer Jareau who apparently goes by JJ. Finally there was Chess Guy. I hold out my hand before he awkwardly waves it off with a small smile “I-I actually don’t do handshakes. Did you know according to studies, a handshake can transfer a significant amount of bacteria, with research showing that a handshake transmits nearly twice as many bacteria compared to a high five and significantly more than a fist bump, which is considered the most hygienic greeting option du-”

“And that is Dr. Spencer Reid.” JJ cut him off with a small amused laugh.

My eyes blink a few times, trying to drink in the info dump plus the fact that JJ just said doctor. My eyebrows furrow a little in confusion “You look a little young to be a doctor…” My voice trails off.

That’s when Penelope speaks up “Reid is our team genius.”

Reid sheepishly “I don’t really believe you can quantify knowledge but I do have an IQ of 187 and eidetic memory.”

I give another stunned look and utter “Huh…” To be honest I couldn’t recall knowing anyone with that amount of smarts, I couldn’t help but be impressed. “How about a high five then?” I finally say with a smile while holding out my hand.

Spencer’s face seemed to light up and he reached out to give me a high five.

Suddenly Hotch comes out with a thick file folder in his hand, his presence commanding attention. “We have a case.”

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randomsy1uslvr · 2 days ago

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MDNI 🔞 18+ ONLY

So, I'm finally finished with the fic, also I finally created my AO3 acc and will leave a link to this fic if you like to read it there ;)

AO3

I hope you all enjoy my creation ^^

P.S. gosh, i'm so bad at making pretty posts i'm so sorry y'all ><

Alsoooo if some of you want to be mutuals on twtr i'm more than happy to be and because i'm planing on posting some art and some lads shitposting in there. so... feel free hehe ;э -> my lads twtr

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"I have a request for you..."

characters: sylus/female reader

tags: BDSM, use of toys, vibrator, double penetration in one hole, fisting, bondage

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“So… You really want that?” said Sylus with a smirk on his face. His eyes locked on my legs, which rested on him while we both sat on the sofa. I pouted at him, noticing how amused he was by my words.

“Yes, so what?” I crossed my arms, looking away from him. He chuckled and placed his hand on my leg, caressing it.

“Nothing. You know that I am always happy to try new things with you,” he said, pausing to squeeze my thigh gently – just enough to avoid causing any pain. “Especially when it’s such an interesting request of yours.”

I could almost hear a purr coming from his mouth, and it made my cheeks heat up. Sylus chuckled and grabbed my hips, pulling me closer to him to place a kiss on my lips. And well… how could I resist kissing him back?

---

The dim, warm light – almost red-orangish – was just enough to create a relaxing vibe, preparing me for what would come next. I swallowed hard, having second thoughts about the request I had made to him. What if it’s not something I like? What if I’m not ready…? No. I know he’s good at this. He’s done it many times, right? The thought made me feel a little sad somehow. Thinking that he had done this with someone else made me feel odd – maybe even jealous? I shook off the thoughts as I heard footsteps coming closer.

I breathed sharply, caught between fear and excitement, as a familiar figure appeared before me. Sylus wore a tight, dark grey shirt adorned with black, leathery harnesses framing his muscular chest, paired with black trousers and elegant, shiny black shoes. In his hand, he carried a bag, which he placed on the bed before unzipping it. My eyes couldn’t look away, drawn to the contents inside. Slowly, teasingly, he began removing the items.

I recognized some of them: a whip, red ropes, an eye mask, a wand vibrator and a few dildos, ranging from very small to slightly larger ones. My gaze darted upward when I heard a quiet chuckle. My face flushed a deep red color as I noticed his lips curling into a wide, teasing smirk.

“Choose,” he said. I bit my lower lip, trying to point to one of the items he had laid out beside me. It took me quite a while to decide, so Sylus interrupted my thoughts. “If you’re struggling to choose, I can help you. We can start slowly – what do you say?” His hand cupped my cheek, his thumb gently caressing it. I nodded slightly in approval, and his grin widened. For a moment, I thought I saw a spark in his almost red, glowing eyes.

“Good,” he whispered, leaning closer to my ear. “…I’ll take good care of you, sweetie~”

After hearing those words, he pushed himself off me, resting his thumb on my lips for a moment before dropping his hand to the rope. Sylus untied it, pausing for a few seconds as if contemplating how to use it on me for the best first experience. Then, it was as if something snapped in his mind, making him smile slyly. The man before me faced me fully before leaning in closer. His hands effortlessly stripped me bare, exposing my body to the cold air of his room.

“Now… I need you to lay down for me, sweetie,” he said. I obeyed, and the next second my back met the cold, silk bed sheets. A shiver ran through my entire body. Sylus gently positioned my arms, guiding me to hold them still for him. His hands and fingers worked smoothly, like those of a professional… I was mesmerized by his skill – how he casually wrapped the rope around my wrists, then my arms, and finally, using a second rope, my legs. In the end, I found myself tied up on his bed, my arms and legs bound together as I lay on my back.

My intimate area was completely exposed, leaving me no way to cover myself. It felt so humiliating, yet so… thrilling. It wasn’t the first time I’d been naked in front of him, but this position… was too intimate, too revealing…

“Are you alright, kitten?” Sylus placed his hand on my knee, caressing it softly. “I just want you to know, that we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to…”

“I-it’s alright… really. It’s just… I’m shy… and nervous…” my voice shook as I spoke. “I really want it, Sylus. I really do,” I added, trying to smile. The man in front of me chuckled, leaning in to place a light kiss on my leg, making me shiver from his soft touch yet again.

“I’ll do just one more thing before we start…” he placed an eye mask over me, plunging me into darkness. “Yes… just like that.”

I could feel his gentle fingers sliding down my body, leaving no inch untouched as they roamed over every curve with a hunger I could sense. Occasionally, his hands would squeeze, causing me to flinch under his warm touch. Just as I was starting to adjust, the warmth disappeared.

I didn’t have to wait long before I felt a sudden, sharp slap on my outer lips, drawing a loud squeal from me. I was about to protest, but then I felt something unfamiliar against my entrance – its tip slowly, steadily caressing the sensitive spot. My breath hitched as I recognized what it was: the silicone crop I had once used on Sylus.

“Repaying me for what I did to you back then?” I asked, laughing quietly and shakily as waves of sensation coursed through my body. I heard him chuckle in response.

“If I were you, I wouldn’t joke around like that, sweetie,” he practically purred, lightly slapping my oh-so-sensitive entrance with the silicon crop again, forcing me to shudder at the sudden sensation. It continued for some time before he stopped.

I allowed myself a brief moment to relax, but then I heard a buzzing sound. I knew what was coming, yet he teasingly waited for me to lower my guard. When I finally did, I was caught off guard by a strong vibration directly on my clitoris, making me shriek and flinch from the overwhelming sensation. My body shook as I instinctively tried to move away, but Sylus’ strong hand held me firmly in place. He moved the wand up and down, causing my breath to quicken and sharpen, while my body tensed under the intensity. The vibrations coursed through me, slowly but steadily pushing me towards the edge.

“Ah… Sylus…!” My moans grew louder, warning him of my impending climax – only for him to stop abruptly, leaving me as nothing but a desperate, whimpering mess on his bed.

I called his name several times, my voice trembling so much that at times I couldn’t even pronounce it properly. I was utterly consumed by the desire and sensation, drunk on the pleasure he denied me. It amused him – I can tell by the grin that must have stretched from one ear to the other as he watched how needy I had become.

I moaned his name, my thighs instinctively trying to rub together for relief. He didn’t ask me to beg, but I knew he loved hearing it. My core pulsed as I whined, pleaded and begged him to finish what he had started. He adored it – me, so willing to be good for him, so greedy for his attention.

“You are a greedy one – I like it,” he murmured. “And you know you can be even greedier for me,” he didn’t hesitate, turning the vibrator back on and pressing it down harder against my clit. I instantly shrieked. My inner lips clenched tightly, the climax building once again to its peak. Then, the feeling exploded as I came, crying out his name. The buzzing continued for a few more seconds, before Sylus finally turned the wand off. I gasped sharply, my mouth wide open, my entire body trembling and shaking from overstimulation. I could feel how my hole was leaking, my juices pooling beneath me.

“Should I untie you?” he asked softly, and I nodded quickly. “Alright, hold on.”

His hands worked swiftly, untying my limbs. Relief washed over me as I could finally lower my legs and arms, the numbness easing as circulation returned. I felt him lean over me, his lips pressing softly against mine as he removed the eye mask. Even though the room was dimly lit, I still needed a moment to adjust before I could clearly see Sylus’ face. His eyes gleamed, full of lust and desire.

“It was great…” I said smiling softly between heavy breaths.

A large hand wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer. I felt his bulge pressing against me, the heat of his body sending another wave of anticipation through me.

“I’m glad you liked it, kitten…” he breathed sharply, grinding against my entrance. I could hear a low groan rumble from his chest. “But we’re still not done yet~”

His lips pressed aggressively against mine, molding them into a passionate kiss. His tongue slipped inside, brushing and curling around mine, our movements wild and untamed. Our teeth nearly grazed each other in the intensity of the kiss, as if he was ready to devour me. Buth then, suddenly, he pulled away. I groaned in disappointment, only to hear the unmistakable sound of him unzipping his pants. He slid them off along with his underwear, letting them fall to the ground before kicking them aside so they wouldn’t get in the way.

His tip hovered close to my entrance, sliding teasingly up and down but never entering. I could hear him growl again, his heavy breathing loud and uneven. Sylus leaned over me, bringing his face closer. I could feel his hot breath against my skin as his dark red eyes, full of wild desire. Locked onto mine. I winced beneath him, trying to push myself closer to get him inside, but he didn’t let me, continuing his teasing. Just as I was about to plead, he pressed his lips to mine again. At that moment, he pushed himself inside, almost fully, drawing a loud moan from me that melted into our messy kiss.

He didn’t move for a few seconds, letting us both adjust to the new sensation – him so deep inside, and my walls clenching tightly around him. He cursed quietly into the kiss before beginning to move, slow and deliberate, ensuring not to cause any discomfort.

His thrusts grew faster and faster, my insides tightening with each movement, pushing me to the edge. He whispered sweet words into my ear, telling me how good I was for him, how good I felt. Suddenly, he thrust deeper into me, making me gasp and dig my nails into his shirt. He paused briefly before continuing, the room filling with the sounds of clapping skin, loud gasps, moans and deep, low growls – a symphony to his ears. Hearing how much I enjoyed it, how utterly lost I was in pleasure, made him chuckle in amusement.

“Tell me when you’re close,” he commanded, while I writhed beneath him, a trembling mess, wincing and clenching around him. A few more thrusts were enough to push me to the brink.

“Sylus… I’m gonna…” I started, but he pulled out immediately, leaving me in a state of painful arousal. I squeezed my tights together, disappointment washing over me – a sense of betrayal in his actions. I groaned in frustration, unable to understand why he’d stop so abruptly.

Shortly after, I heard the sound of a lube bottle being opened, something he had just taken out of his bag. He poured a generous amount on me, instantly rubbing it in. Two of his fingers slid inside without hesitation, curling and moving back and forth, keeping me on the edge of relief. He added a third finger, stretching me even further. With the help of the lubricant, his fingers slid even more smoothly, so he added a fourth. The slow movements helped ease the pain and discomfort, allowing me to stay relaxed. Once I had adjusted, Sylus slipped his hand further inside, letting half of it rest in my warm embrace. My hands found their way back to him, gripping his shirt tightly as his hand stretched me wide.

“That’s it, kitten. Take it slow,” Sylus’ voice was a low, guttural rasp, his words punctuated by the obscene symphony of my moans and the slick, wet sounds of his hand pumping in and out of my tight, clutching heat. His hand slid out slowly, massaging my entrance before adjusting his position, ready to push himself inside again. This time, the sensation wasn’t as intense as before due to my stretched folds. He shifted slightly, reaching for the smallest dildo on the bed and using his slick hand to coat it with the remaining lube. Once prepared, he positioned the tip of the silicone toy at the entrance, moving slowly as he slid it in. I gagged at the intense stretch, a sharp pain spreading through me. Sylus, on the other hand, groaned in a mix if pleasure and pain as he pushed it deeper.

“It’s gonna hurt only for a little… Hah… I promise…” he muttered, his voice strained. His brows furrowed at the tightness of my walls gripping him. There was barely any space, and I could feel him trembling under the intensity. He let out a deep moan, his gaze becoming hazy from the overwhelming sensation, almost making him collapse.

As we both adjusted to the new, painfully arousing feeling, his movements became faster. Both our bodies shook with unbearable pleasure. I whined as he moved, filling me completely with each thrust.

“Sylus…! It-it’s too much… Hah…!” I screeched, though we both knew neither of us wanted to stop. He pushed further, thrusting as deeply as he could, trying to match the movements of the silicone toy with his rhythm. With each thrust, his pace quickened, causing me to whimper louder, my cries growing more desperate with every clap of our skin.

He reached for the wandagain, turning it on and pressing it against my nub. I screamed, trying to close my thighs, but Sylus’ large arm held me firmly, preventing me from doing so. In mere moments, my orgasm built to a breaking point, exploding through me as I clench tightly around him, squeezing out his own release inside me.

He immediately switched off the vibrator, tossing it aside, followed by the silicone toy, which he pulled out gently. His body collapsed onto mine, his full weight pressing me down into the bed. His warmth enveloped me, him still being inside me. One of his hands slipped under my head, lifting it slightly towards him so he could capture my lips in a lazy, tired kiss.

“You did so well, kitten,” he murmured, stroking my head as he rested on top of me, regaining his energy. My sore body ached and refused to move anymore – despite Sylus’ entire weight pressing down on me.

“Did you have fun?” he asked.

I met his eyes and smiled tiredly “That was… something… Huff… But I enjoyed it,” my arms slid smoothly around the back of his neck, pulling him in for another kiss. “Thank you.”

With that, Sylus suddenly stood up, lifting me with him. I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist and tightened my grip around his neck. He chuckled softly, carrying me as he walked us both to his bathroom.

#lads sylus #sylus love and deepspace #lnds sylus #sylus nsft #sylus x mc #sylus lads

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anothanobody · 2 days ago

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ANGST Rant- Fic Ideas POST.

Do not read if you do not FW angst and Toxicity.

Love my babies but i’m a fic writer. I crave some toxic scenarios too. Mind me. I love IH with all my heart.

Something about Ichihime is that I cannot write toxicity with them or like full on angst without crying or feeling bad for writing it. I still do tho😭🤣

There was this fic I read a long time ago, the author discontinued it, where IR got married but they’re unhappy. So they cheat. And listen. I hate cheating. BUT my ships cheating FOR each other is a completely different thing 💀 The downside is that it ruins my babies best friendship and it’s obviously OOC🤧 like Ichigo and Rukia, dumber and dumber, Chip and chop, Eddy and Crash. Breaks my heart. But i want to write something like that! toxic, angst! questionable ending! is it really happy! trust issues! 🤧 i don’t know. where they fight their own feelings for mistakes they made and have to live with it. Where Hime and Renji don’t trust them completely anymore when they lament their failed marriage and not seeing them before.

i have another with a chapter already done, where Ichigo was scared of his feelings, after sleeping with Hime a couple of times, and moved away for college without telling her. he leaves a note at her bedside. He comes back engaged to another girl after a little less than a year. [you know in real life, how some men end year long relationships, but get married a few months after to the next woman. i was thinking of that.] twist is that when he comes back to present the girl, the first person they meet is her. Hime fully LOATHES him, but he’s still in love with her while engaged. PINING. 😭 SEE. Like I was crying writing this. That might stay in the drafts. yall might hate me if i published this.

I had another one. Arranged Marriage, historical AU where Ichigo is forced to marry her, she didn’t want to get married at all but to access her wealth she needs to. He had a lover before her that he still wants to see, i don’t know if an OC or a character. But she lets him see the girl, neglected and alone, Orihime withdraws from him, she’s not caring anymore knowing that nothing will get him to see her and starts to fall for the man of another house that consoles her in her loneliness. He misses her, he starts to look for her. A little too late. Hime is conflicted and hurt because her love wasn’t enough for him to notice her. this one might end in a sad ending for IH or a bit complicated if i twist it around. BUT ANGST. ANGST. ANGST. 💀

These are just ideas. i have multiple fluffy fics planned for Ichihime, i just needed to balance them out. 🤣 and share them. like nothing is better than breaking your own heart at thinking of angst scenarios 😭😭😭 like i was crying. my eyes were puffy. why would i do that to myself!!!

you guys have thoughts about this?

#ichihime #ichigo x orihime

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wasyago · 2 years ago

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the brainrot won

#GUY S i know i haven't posted anything in a while and thats because im working on a big cool project that i really want to finish without-#distractions. but uh. as you can see. ive been distracted 😔. still working on it tho!!!! and im very happy with it turns out its just-#super time and energy consuming so ive tried to limit my intake of other media to not make myself want to draw other stuff #i also haven't read the last two (two already?????) chapters of RnS and im very sad about it and i want to read it but you know that if i-#read it ill want to make fanart and then ill never finish my project :(#SO. sorrey for the lack of art itll be coming when im free to draw!!!!!!!#but also. yes ive watched new life because i dont want to go insane with nothing but this project on my mind and umm. had to take a little-#break to do a couple designs for fun... and to switch it up a bit because for real im going insane i think #ALSO. friend got me into zelda botw and i haven't played a whole lot yet (because project) but ive tried to take some inspiration for-#designs from there. at least for joel and scott. everyone else not so much...#WELL ANYWAYS this is getting long. i should really stop rambling in the tags and just make separate posts for all this but i dont want to #umm. tags.#new life smp #smallishbeans #mythical sausage #geminitay #pearlescentmoon #smajor1995 #inthelittlewood #my art #sketch

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throwawayasoiafaccount · 4 months ago

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Why do you think the tides have slightly turned from "Elia deserves better than Rhaegar" to shipping her and Rhaegar together? Like what is the psychology behind these people because I've seen some of them like/reblog anti Rhaegar posts while also shipping Rhaegar x Elia at the same time.

hey anon! my thoughts are a bit messy, but i’ve done my best to explain them coherently :)

so, rhaegar was the best man anyone could have when elia was alive, and most people want the best for their favs. he was considered the most handsome, didn’t have a bad personality, and he was crown prince—meaning elia was almost queen, which is often seen as the greatest role a woman can have. the narrative also treats rhaegar as a beautiful, tragic, haunting figure, and elia actually had this very aesthetically pleasing man all to herself at one point! she was married to him, had children with him, and her life was so close to perfect! but rhaegar just had to go and ruin it. 😠

for many elia stans, if rhaegar hadn’t fallen in love with another woman (they want him to have been a completely different character), then everything would’ve been perfect, and elia would’ve had the best, most desirable life. however, that’s not what happened—elia met a very tragic end, and as a result, these stans feel double the bitterness. because of this bitterness, they blame rhaegar for everything (even though it’s not logical to do so), but he’s just too ‘perfect’ to let go of. so, for years these stans have made rhaegar revolve around elia, filling his tag with posts about her out of bitterness. so, i do believe that this obsession with rhaegar x elia has always been there, but i think it’s become a more favorable stance on the elia stan side of the fandom because of a mix of reasons.

plus, rhaegar is one of the few canon relationships we know elia had, since she’s not much of a character. because of this, and the fact that most people don’t like to stray too far from canon, most elia stans are forced to focus on rhaegar, which has created an echo chamber. basically, if a sentiment about elia and rhaegar’s relationship becomes popular, then the whole elia stan side of the fandom will likely regurgitate the sentiment. (also, this desire to stick close to canon is likely why the elia x arthur ship was so popular. while it’s a total crack ship, it had good aesthetics, and since elia and arthur at least knew each other, it allowed the stans to create their perfect fanfiction whilst sticking it to rhaegar. but remember, elia was actually married to rhaegar and had children with him, so while arthur is cool, rhaegar was always ‘top dog,’ meaning arthur would never be able to match up to rhaegar to most elia stans. also, the arthur x elia crack ship is likely her second most popular ship, which just shows how little elia stans have to work with, so they’re always forced to eventually return back to rhaegar for a lot of things.)

however, even if the elia x rhaegar ship gains more popularity, these stans will never stop hating rhaegar because he wasn’t ‘perfect’—and he wasn’t perfect because he didn’t love elia. plus, rhaegar loving another woman and supposedly kidnapping her is what began the war that led to elia’s tragic death. that’s bitterness times 1000. and while i don’t actually blame rhaegar for the war, i do think that this is how an elia stan sees it. i also don’t view rhaegar’s complex relationship with elia as a bad thing—it’s actually a very realistic take on an arranged marriage between two decent people. but most elia stans will never be able to get over the fact that they almost had everything, which is why many have it out for lyanna, as they consider her a thief who ruined their ‘perfection.’

tbh, that might be why so many elia stans are so obsessed with the idea that rhaegar only got with lyanna because of the prophecy—they don’t want to believe that rhaegar actually loved a different woman and not their perfect self insert elia. that’s a bit mean of me… but i don’t know what else one would call the ‘elia’ elia stans have created.

now that i’ve laid all those thoughts out, i’ll try to explain why the tides seem to be turning… i think it may have something to do with the ‘targaryens are all evil and bad’ sentiment losing popularity. i think this shift has occurred due to a mix of factors, such as years of fandom fights and fandom cycles leading to the targs being more liked now than before. it helps that canon doesn’t actually condemn the targs/favors them quite a bit, and the influx of new targ fans from HOTD has also contributed. this combination of reasons seems to have shifted the way the mainstream fandom discusses all the targaryen characters, including rhaegar. so, with this shift, it’s only natural that some elia stans/elia x rhaegar shippers—who’ve always been there—are using this opportunity to push their agenda. while these stans still hate rhaegar and see him as the bad guy, they just can’t let go of him. and as the mainstream fandom moves away from the anti targaryen sentiment, these smaller corners of the fandom, which tend to be echo chambers, are also affected, which has therefore led to a rise in rhaegar x elia shippers and the ‘shifting tide’ that you’ve also noticed.

#‘if only rhaegar did this’ is a very common sentiment amongst elia stans #most stans have always had the ‘if only’ mindset #‘if only elia survived’ easily leads to ‘if only rhaegar didn’t run off with his whore’ as the targs become less hated #it’s kinda a pipeline? rhaegar anti plus elia stan leads to rhaegar x elia shipper who still hates rhaegar #another reason that a lot of this happens is because elia and the martells plus dorne are the good ‘others’ a person can like #while the targaryens are the ‘bad others’ one can safely hate as they’re white & have a bit of demon symbolism + come from an ‘evil’ empire #the targs also ruled over everyone so a lot of fans like pushing all the blame onto them for all the problems #however the targs are cool and they’re hot af and being royalty is the best! so they’re the ‘bad others’ one can safely hate #but people still want their aesthetic and want their favs to have what the targs had. all the cool magic + the aesthetic + danys monikers #so people can convince themselves that it’s okay and logical and right to hate the targs but most ppl will still connect their favs to them #of course… things have been shifting in the fandom which i’m very happy about #and all of these sentiments are combined and compressed when it comes to rhaegar and elias relationship #so any big shift on how the fandom views the targs will always affect the way rhaegar and elias relationship is viewed #it just so happens that the targs aren’t the evil dragon nazis anymore so it’s kinda okay for elia stans to ship him with her #i’m not gonna go through my tags and make sure they make sense so i’m simply hoping for the best #anyways… i hope i didn’t digress too much. i just found this shift so interesting so i couldn’t help myself #asoiaf fandom critical #anti elia stans #rhaegar targaryen #anti rhaegar x elia #house targaryen #valyrianscrolls #pro rhaelya #lyanna stark #rhaegar x lyanna #anon ask #thanks anon this was a fun topic to cover #i recently found a really old post about both elia and lyanna and boy… it was quite discusting to read #elia stans kinda cycle from ‘elia deserved better x crack ship with shallow aesthetic’ back to elia x rhaegar while shitting on rhaelya #just know that rhaegar is always the bad guy to them! the sentiment on lyanna will go from hot to cold but rhaelya is always bad as well!

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zylphiacrowley · 2 months ago

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An uncertain homecoming...

#Final Fantasy XIV #FFXIV #Erenville #X'vahl Tia #Erenvahl #WoL x Erenville #wolship #Dawntrail spoilers #went back and forth between wanting to include Erenville's inner monologue or not #decided against it because X'vahl can't hear it #so I have to rely really heavily on conveying emotions just via facial expressions #which I *hope* I managed to do here.#I've been.... feeling like I've been really annoying lately...#so I've been keeping a little more quiet and to myself #but I want to keep posting these #because at the end of the day I do it for me #because storytelling like this makes me happy and gives me a creative outlet #and honestly it's something I'm proud of myself for that I've managed to keep going this long while still maintaining excitement about.#I figure if anyone finds them annoying I use the Erenvahl tag pretty consistently (or I try to at least)#so they can either blacklist that or block me outright.

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natsmagi · 2 months ago

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adding onto my last rant from a while ago a little bit, it is fascinating how many people in this fandom completely miss the point of tsumugis character and misconstrue what hes actually about which, ironically, is just what eichi did. and its done in such a similar fashion too, such as making assumptions about his motives, his family relationship, and missing the point in why he chooses to look the way he does. and, time and time again, eichi has been proven to be WRONG about tsumugi. he misunderstood him deeply, and now its eichi whos stuck mourning the past while tsumugi has long since moved on, not the other way around, as tsumugi is on the path of getting his happy ending. and i dont get why people keep trying to take this positivity from him

(s. element epilogue 2)

#sorry for harping on this stuff alot it just genuinely sucks seeing a character you love be so widely misunderstood #especially when if you really think about it #tsumugi is about as blunt and honest as they come #you dont always need to read deeper into a character. you dont always need to psychoanalyze every part of them #you dont need to reason everything #sometimes people just Are Some Kind Of Way #and eichi failed to understand that and made the wrong assumption about tsumugi #and i feel like this fandom keeps doing the same thing #because he can do and say unconventional things #and when he makes jokes he sounds super alarming or like an utter freak #its frustrating when people continuously doubt tsumugis words when he speaks so earnestly about his life #hes honest to a fault. he has no reason to lie #you can argue that “ohhh tsumugi just doesnt realize how fucked up he is!” and like Yea sure theres an element of that #but ive always read the point of his character to be him overcoming these hardships #because he cares so fucking deeply about every single person around him #and he never assumes malice. because he is such a genuinely kind hearted guy #and what makes tsumugi so interesting is that he can kind of SUCK at getting that across #because no matter what people never understand his actions or intents because of how weirdly he acts #and neither does this fandom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#natsume and tsumugi are built on being opposites. if natsume is a known liar surely we can put two and two together?#theres alot more that can be said on this topic and ive been meaning to for a while but honestly i just dont have the energy or brainpower #also i dont want this to read like im yucking anyones yum. its just frustrating as someone who is very mentally ill about these characters #he has clearly endured traumas too like im not ignoring that. its super obvious. but his character is about love and growth #you can go through literal HELL and be on the brink of SUICIDE and still end up a happy loving and forgiving person #and i think thats what his character is about #nat rambles #nats enst posting

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wildstar25 · 8 months ago

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I2 or A1 for that pose meme? Whichever one you wanna do more.

polyam pose meme

For the first few moons of their being together, Arsay was often hesitant to ask of both Y'shtola and G'raha's time. They were still settling into a dynamic and she was worried it would put unnecessary stress on the budding relationship. However, not a single soul in The Crystarium, not even she herself, could deny how much joy it brought the Warrior of Light to simply stroll about The Rotunda hand in hand with her beloveds.

#ffxiv #wolgraha #wolexarch #wolshtola #y'shtola x wol #y'shtola rhul #crystal exarch #g'raha tia #Arsay Nun #graharshtola #thank you for the ask!! i wanted to do both but only had time for the one #rare exarch era wolship pose though!!#i didnt really end up doing a lot of exarsay poses while i was in shb #mostly cause i was going through it like a roller coaster #but also because i feel like g'raha always held back while he was still on the first #so their relationship was pretty stagnate beyond just being cute and kissing sometimes #it was also a lot of g'raha having a lot of internal strife about what to do with his life going forward #and remembering what it is to live for himself #idk i think about it a lot and blackout for 6 hours and i wake up with 15 new text posts in my drafts #Also yeah I think the few times they did do triad dates like this #it was so unbelievably obvious to shtola that this was the happiest arsay has ever been #was there an initial sting of 'im not enough for her'? yeah absolutely but shtola is pragmatic enough to not let that turn into resentment #Shtola understands Arsay really well and knows that she often hides behind that smile of hers. she loves Arsay and wants for her to #be genuinely happy ! so if it means someone else has to hold arsay's other hand for that to happen #its like... so be it y'know?#at least thats the way i think about it

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avirael · 7 months ago

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The Frozen Lake

It was the third day since he had stopped feeling like dying.

About a week ago he had woken up from his far too lifelike fever dream and a few days later the last spikes of the fever itself had been gone too just like the hallucinations it had brought in his sleep.

He still had been sick though and welcomed Rael telling him to stay in bed until he was perfectly healthy again all too eagerly.

While he still sneezed every now and then, it was at least tolerable now, still annoying but he didn’t feel incredibly uncomfortable anymore.

That day, just like the last and also the ones before that, he had awoken late. Against Rael’s order to stay in bed he had found the courage to get up and take a look out of the window. It was a sunny day, which in Coerthas still meant that it was bitterly cold though. But the sun was shining brightly and already high in the sky too which meant it had to be almost midday. He had slept way too long again, way to many hours for a surprisingly dreamless sleep. Or maybe it was exactly the lack of dreams that allowed him to finally rest, after all in the past there rarely had been good ones…

For a moment he considered to go downstairs and ask for a late breakfast if that wasn’t too insolent given the late hour but then a knock sounded from the door.

Quickly he hurried back to bed, just in case it was Rael, but the person who carefully peeked into the room a few seconds later wasn’t a viera.

“Ah, you are awake! That’s good!”, Haurchefant exclaimed happily and brought a small tray with hot soup and also something warm to drink. “It is so late already, you must be horribly hungry. Alphinaud checked in on you earlier but you were still fast asleep and he didn’t have the heart to wake you.”

A little uncertain on how to answer to that, A’viloh just nodded. Haurchefant grinned, put down a mug on the bedside table and handed A‘viloh a comfortingly warm bowl filled with some rather delicious smelling stew.

Instead of fetching the chair from the small desk by the window, Haurchefant sat down at the lower end of the bed balancing the tray with his own lunch on his knees. Rael once told him that ishgardian society had an absurd amount of strict and antiquated rules and so A’viloh couldn’t help but wonder, that although it seemed like a very appropriate distance to him, in Haurchefant’s hometown the fact alone that he dared to sit on someone else’s bed was probably scandalous.

“I hope you don’t mind me having lunch with you.”, the Elezen asked as he noticed A‘viloh staring.

Quickly the Miqo’te lowered his gaze to his bowl of soup. “Not at all.”, he muttered and tried a spoonful of the food just to change the topic. “Mhh, this is very good!”, he mumbled, still chewing, surprised by how good this really was compared to the bland food and bitter teas Rael had usually brought him these last few days. It must have been the Viera’s way of punishing him for running away.

Haurchefant laughed and then for a while they ate in silence.

“You look a lot healthier already.”, the Elezen stated after a while with an amiable smile on his face before taking a sip from his mug.

A‘viloh shrugged a little embarrassed, since it had been his own fault that he hadn’t been well in the first place. “Only because all of you took so good care of me.”

Haurchefant nodded. “You know, you had us all horribly worried right?”

“Sorry about that.”, he said and guitily looked into his mug.

Curiously Haurchefant eyed him for a moment. “Why did you do that anyway? Run out into the storm.”

A bit surprised A’viloh looked up. Had they all thought he had done this on purpose? “There wasn’t a storm when I left! What do I know about weather? I didn’t expect it to start snowing, let alone that much!”

That made the Elezen chuckle again but he still looked at him expecting an answer.

“Still… why did you leave?”

“I assumed Rael told you…”, A’viloh replied not sure what Haurchefant wanted to hear exactly. He nodded. “Rael did. But maybe I want to hear it from you…”

A’viloh sighed. His plan hadn’t been very smart and he felt a little uncomfortable having to explain his reasons to someone else, when in retrospect it didn’t make much sense even to his own ears.

“You know the… circumstances under which we fled Ul’dah… I couldn’t… um… the fact that we didn’t even know what happened to our friends… I wanted to find out, because it doesn’t seem fair to me that we escaped while all of them didn’t…”

“Mhh…”, Haurchefant nodded thoughtfully but let go off the topic for now. Instead he asked, „And how are you feeling today?”

Somehow that question confused A’viloh even more.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s a simple question, isn’t it?”, he said still smiling politely.

Of course it was a simple question. Just the answer felt unreasonable complicated to him. To make things even more difficult people who asked such a question usually wanted to hear “I‘m fine, and you?” or “Very good, thank you.” for an answer and rarely the truth. They certainly didn’t want to hear “A few days ago I was convinced I was going to die and honestly it wasn’t that bad, so now I‘m still not sure wether I am happy to still be alive or not”.

“Alright… I guess.”, he mumbled instead. He had never been a good liar and could only hope that this fact wasn’t too obvious for the Elezen.

“You know what?”, Haurchefant proclaimed after watching him thoughtfully for a second. “Today is a wonderful day. We should go for a walk.”

“A walk?!”, A’viloh exclaimed wide-eyed, as if he had just asked something unreasonable of him.

“Why not?”

A’viloh couldn’t think of a good reason why not, other than that he was supposed to stay in bed, so he shrugged.

“Where’s Rael?”, he asked instead.

Haurchefant smirked. “Do you need Rael’s permission to go outside?”

“Of course not.”, the Miqo’te protested. “But Rael will be mad if I run off again, especially against their orders to stay in bed.”

“Rael and Alphinaud went to the observatory earlier.”, Haurchefant explained. “We’ll be back before they are, I promise.”

What was A’viloh supposed to say against that and also against the expectant look on the Elezen’s face. He took another glimpse towards the window and decided that it looked nice enough to go outside.

“Fine.”

“Good!”, Haurchefant exclaimed happily and collected their empty bowls and mugs. “There should be warm clothes for you in the wardrobe. If you need anything else just ask someone. I’ll wait for you by the northern gate.”

After Haurchefant had left, A’viloh remained sitting in his bed for a moment longer contemplating on the Elezen’s question. Yes, he felt better again. But better in what comparison? Better than a few days ago when he had felt and also been half-dead? Though he didn’t feel sick anymore now, there still was a weigh on his heart. From his plan that had failed so spectacularly and even more so from the dreams he wouldn’t have minded to keep on dreaming forever.

Vehemently he shook his head and decided not to think about that now or he would just crawl back under the blanket of his comfortably warm bed again. Instead he got up and took a look into the wardrobe. Almost none of these were his own clothes of course since all he possessed were the ones he had worn on his body that day they fled Ul’dah. Very unsuitable for this climate. But neither did he see the borrowed clothes he had worn that night when he had tried to run away. Everything in here looked even softer and warmer like someone had wanted to make sure he was feeling comfortable. To his surprise the things didn’t look that much too big for him either, unlike his last set of clothes. Besides a few Hyur most people here at Camp Dragonhead were grown up Elezen but these clothes looked like they belonged to neither. Maybe it were clothes for Elezen children, he wondered and also thought that in that case someone must have brought them here just for him.

Grateful for so much effort he picked a few pieces and got dressed. Lazily he ran his fingers through his hair to get rid of the worst knots but the look into the small mirror at the washbasin, where his tired face stared back at him reproachfully, just made him sigh. Once he was ready he took the warm coat out of the wardrobe too and went out to look for Haurchefant. Just as he had said, the Elezen was standing by the gate that led to the north-east, towards the ruins of the Steel Vigil.

From afar Haurchefant already recognised the Miqo’te, his bright red hair a singularity among all the people living here. Pleasantly smiling as always he waved at him and A’viloh couldn’t help but smile a little too and wave back as he hurriedly walked towards him.

“There you are! I see the clothes fit you nicely.”

A’viloh nodded.

“They do. Thank you very much for these.”

Haurchefant dismissively waved with one hand. “It’s the least I could do…”

But he had done a lot more than that, A’viloh thought. “I think there’s more I need to thank you for. Rael told me it was you who saved my life.”

“Mhhh…”, Haurchefant tilted his head as if he wasn’t sure if this statement was entirely the truth. “Rael is too humble. They played a bit of a role in that too. After all it was Rael who noticed you were gone. And it was also Rael who didn’t leave your bedside and tried their best to heal you.”

A’viloh remembered waking up and finding the usually quite touch-averse viera cuddled up to him with a look on their face so horribly sad like he had never seen on them before. Rael had pretended it was nothing but it had been a very unconvincing performance. Asked about it Alphinaud had only offered a few sentences about how worried Rael had looked and how they had used all kinds of spells he himself had never seen or heard of before, all of it to try and save him. It had made him feel even more guilty for his stupidity.

So maybe Haurchefant was right. But still it had been him who had risked going out into the storm to find him.

“Anyway. I still want to thank you! Honestly.”, he insisted. But how honestly was it really?

Sure, he was glad to still be alive. After all his plan hadn’t been to run out into a blizzard and freeze to death, although some of them seemed to think that was the case. But once he found himself in this situation he had to admit that he had welcomed his fate rather willingly. A fact that shocked even himself a little looking back at it now.

“You’re welcome. After all you wouldn’t be any help to your friends frozen to death out there.”, Haurchefant joked with a wry smile on his lips.

“I guess not...”, A’viloh muttered, the topic of his friends making his mood visibly sink again.

Of course the Elezen noticed and his smile turned into a playful grin. “But I acted a little selfish too, you know? I think Camp Dragonhead is a lot friendlier with your company and I would like to have you and your pretty smile around a little longer.”

For a moment A’viloh’s eyes shot up to look at the others face before he quickly pretended that something somewhere a little bit to his left was a lot more interesting. Sometimes Haurchefant randomly said things, A’viloh hadn’t had the slightest idea how to react to. Not because he was that oblivious but simply because it puzzled him. Nonetheless the air suddenly didn’t feel that cold anymore on his face.

Haurchefant was always very kind to him. Well, he mostly was kind to everybody but sometimes he seemed to admire him especially. Him of all people, although there was nothing special about him. Haurchefant sometimes spoke of him like he was one of the greatest heroes of all time and it felt so ridiculous to him. He was just silly, cowardly A‘viloh! What had he ever achieved in his miserable life to justify such admiration? The people called him a Warrior of Light but wasn’t that some grand overstatement? Some days he thought all of this had been a horrible mistake. A great misunderstanding! Then he wondered how he had ever gotten entangled in this madness in the first place and also if he ever would get out of it again. But what else should he do with his life anyway...

While A’viloh’s brain still screeched in desperate search for a proper response, Haurchefant seemed to realise he had flustered him and glossed it over by gesturing to the gate.

“How about we walk a few yalms? There’s something you need to see!”

Still too dumbstruck to speak or to even wonder what the Elezen was talking about, A’viloh nodded and then proceeded to follow him out into the snowy landscape.

After a few minutes Haurchefant paused and took a deep breath. “Isn’t the air wonderful today?”

A’viloh followed his example, breathed deeply and let his gaze wander over the snow covered landscape with a few pines here and there and the mountains and ruins of the Steel Vigil in the distance. The air was cool and fresh, still cold enough that the warm sun couldn’t melt the snow. Instead the rays of sunshine made the scenery shine and sparkle as if everything was covered not in ice but in millions over millions of tiny diamonds.

“It is.”, he answered and smiled, surprised how beautiful this inhospitable landscape could be, before with a sudden spark of curiosity he finally asked. “Where are we going?”

“It’s not far anymore.”, Haurchefant said with a grin on his face and pointed into another direction. Shortly after and only a bit further ahead they reached a small lake.

As they got closer A‘viloh noticed that it not only was covered in a layer of snow and ice but also that quite a few off-duty soldiers, given the proximity to the camp he assumed they had to be, were standing right on top of the frozen lake. No, they were not quite standing. It looked more like they were dancing or flying maybe. More or less gracefully they moved over the lake‘s surface in fluid swift strides, some just moving in wide circles and other swirling around this way or that. A’viloh had never seen something like this and it looked strange and impossible but at the same time very beautiful to him.

The two of them had almost reached the lake by then, A’viloh a few steps ahead to get a better look at the wondrous people on the ice and he already wanted to ask how they did that, when his attention was drawn elsewhere by a curious squawking sound.

“Oh! Look at them!”, the Miqo’te exclaimed, his fascinated smile still turning a little brighter, as he gestured to a small flock of wild geese resting at the shore of the lake. With ruffled feathers they sat closely huddled together at the edge of the ice and suddenly A‘viloh couldn’t help but worry about them. They looked so unbothered by his presence, sleeping through the day and all the hubbub around them, looking all exhausted and frozen with their puffed up feathers. Like anything could happen to them and they wouldn’t even mind.

Strangely he wondered what he himself had looked like when Haurchefant had found him unconscious in the snow. He must have been a pitiful sight. Had the Elezen thought him beyond saving too, just like he himself had. What if he had found him a little later or not at all? Maybe that would have been better, a voice murmured to him just like it had so many times before and for a moment, tempted by the grief heavy on his heart once again, he almost believed it.

But no, he would be dead then and while he would have liked to imagine that this would mean he could be with his loved ones again, it was not exactly what either of the tribes he had lived with believed.

Vaguely he remembered his father working for hours, digging a grave at what used to be Wellwick Wood. An elderly woman too exhausted by their long journey, his grandmother if he remembered correctly, had died shortly after they had arrived there. With a sad smile on his face his father had explained to his children, who had stared down into the hole in the ground with confusion in their eyes, how by returning her body to the earth there could still grow new life from this death.

Or the drake tribe of the Sagolii Desert, who always burned their dead and left the ashes to be carried away by the desert wind, believing that it would make it easier for the deceased‘s aether to return to the Aetheric Sea and create something new elsewhere.

With a sudden sharp pain in his heart A’viloh realised that neither of the people he loved had gotten the burial they would have wanted for themselves. And neither had A‘viloh himself wanted to die in the coldness of Coerthas and be forever forgotten under a thick layer of snow and ice. He had thought about dying before but never had he been this close to it. For a second he wondered if this was something worth speaking to Rael about, but he wasn’t sure they wouldn’t misunderstand and get mad at him again.

“Why do you make such a sad face now?”, Haurchefant asked having noticed the smile slip from the Miqo’te’s face. But A’viloh just vehemently shook his head and focused on the geese again.

“They must be horribly cold.”, he wondered in a voice that suggested he already planned to take all of them to the safety of his comfortably warm room.

Haurchefant chuckled. “Don’t worry, they survived the storm out here after all. They keep each other warm, that’s why you‘ll rarely see one of them alone. A bit like you and your friends.”

“Maybe…”, A’viloh answered thinking about this comparison for a moment. “I just wish it wouldn’t always be me who needs to be taken care of. But as proven in Ul’dah and now once again I am simply too weak and useless to keep myself alive, not to mention anyone else.”

The Elezen’s face got a little stern as he folded his arms in front of his chest. “Don’t say that, I am sure it’s not true! This was just bad luck! You are neither weak nor useless!”

A’viloh shrugged. “But that’s how I feel right now...”

Slowly Haurchefant nodded before speaking again with a silent but determined voice. “Listen. I‘ll never forget how bravely you fought for Francel although you barely knew him. You could have gotten yourself in trouble with that and you helped him anyway.”

“It’s not like I did that on my own -”, A’viloh tried to protest but was immediately interrupted. “But you still helped! And I’m sure even without Rael you would have done so!”

Another shrug was all Haurchefant got in response, so the Elezen thought for a second before making an offer. “You want to make yourself useful, right? Get stronger? I could teach you how to fight like a real ishgardian knight, with sword and shield. Or we have some dragoons at Camp Dragonhead too! I’m sure there’s a lot you could learn from them.”

A‘viloh‘s face turned to disbelief. “I really don’t think I could fight with armor and weapons this heavy…”

“You can’t say so if you don’t try! And I have you know that dragoon armors are surprisingly light. How do you think they could still be this agile otherwise? Promise me to at least try training with them a little!”

He didn’t really want to agree to that. He knew he would make a fool of himself. But how could he say no with Haurchefant trying everything in his power to cheer him up. Weakly he shook his head and muttered: “Fine…”

“Perfect!”, Haurchefant exclaimed with a bright smile on his face. “I think an early reward for your efforts is appropriate then!”

Confused A’viloh watched him take a small bag off of his shoulders, which he hadn’t even noticed until now. For a moment the Elezen was busy undoing a knot before he opened the bag and presented to A‘viloh a set of two weirdly shaped blades attached to pieces of wood with leather straps. He had no idea what these constructs were meant to do and that was plainly visible on his face. “What’s that?”

“Ice skates of course!”, Haurchefant said as if that would explain it all but the Miqo’te‘s face remained clueless, so Haurchefant gestured to the lake behind them. “You attach them to your boots so you can walk on the ice like this!”

“Oh!”, A’viloh exclaimed as he understood what Haurchefant was planning. “I don’t think-… I mean I‘ve never-… You don’t really want me to step on that lake do you?” The idea somehow scared him.

“Why not?”, Haurchefant asked for the second time today with this smile that made the question sound like a challenge.

“It’s just a bit of ice!”, A‘vi objected. “What if it breaks?”

The Elezen shook his head and proceeded to fasten the metal blades beneath his boots. “Ah, don’t worry. The ice is thick enough, it will take at least a few more days to melt.”

“I don’t know…”, was all A’viloh replied as Haurchefant pressed another pair of skates into his hands. But the Elezen remained determined and took a few wobbly steps through the snow and onto the ice. “See! I can stand on it and it doesn’t break! You are a lot lighter than me, so why wouldn’t you be able to?”

Oh, you don’t know my bad luck!, A‘viloh thought but Haurchefant didn’t look like he would take that for an excuse. Instead he stretched out a hand towards the Miqo’te. “Come one! Believe me, this is going to be funny!”

For a second A‘viloh pondered his options. The idea of nothing but a little bit of ice between him and the water still terrified him but Haurchefant seemed so excited about this and the other people actually seemed to have fun too. Maybe he should at least pretend to try... Reluctantly he sat down on a rock and tried to put on the skates just like Haurchefant had done a moment ago.

“The clasp on the back too. Make sure none of them are loose… Yes, that looks fine!”, Haurchefant helpfully explained. As A’viloh got up, he almost flopped right back down into the snow. It was a weird feeling to balance his whole weight on only two thin pieces of metal. As he carefully took the first few steps towards the lake Haurchefant reached out for him once more. “Here! Take my hand! I don’t want you to fall…”

Hesitantly A‘vi stepped onto the ice and immediately felt like the ground was being pulled away beneath his feet. He struggled for balance, feeling himself falling backwards, so Haurchefants arm was a very welcome thing to hold on to.

With a chuckle the Elezen tried to loosen A‘vi‘s desperate grip on his arm and instead took each of his hand in one of his own before carefully making slow steps backwards pulling A‘viloh over the ice, which A’vi could swear was making suspicious crackling sounds below them. There was no way to tell the blades beneath his feet not to move, so all A’viloh could do was try not to fall and plead to Haurchefant with ears flat on his head and panic in his eyes, as he slowly was pulled further onto the lake. “No, no, no. Take me back, that’s a horrible idea!”

“Calm down. There’s nothing to be afraid of. I promise.”, Haurchefant said soothingly and continued to explain to him how to move on the ice skates. And in fact the Elezen’s calm voice slowly made A’viloh feel less anxious. His hands, frantically clasping at Haurchefant’s, relaxed along with his legs. It was still a weird feeling to be standing on the ice but now it felt a lot easier to remain balanced. He glanced at the people around them while remaining as still as possible, studied their movements for a moment and then tentatively tried to mimic the way they slowly pushed their feet above the slippery surface. To his surprise he really moved forward without much effort and also without feeling the sensation of falling again, closer to Haurchefant who had steadied him with his outstretched arms so far.

“See! It’s not that difficult.”, he said while making another step backwards so A’viloh had to follow with another step forward. The Miqo’te, strangely excited about the fact that he was actually moving on these weird ice-blades, laughed happily. “You are even going backwards!”

Haurchefants laughed. “One step after the other. Let’s teach you how to go forward first, hm? I‘ll let go off one of your hands but don’t worry, I still got you. One feet after the other just like you did before…”

In fact it almost felt easier now that he could use one of his arms to balance himself. Very slowly at first they floated above the icy surface of the lake but soon A‘viloh got braver. Once he almost lost his balance but for a comparably tall and strong person like Haurchefant it seemed like a very easy task to keep a small Miqo’te on his feet. Almost falling had felt like a shock for a second but only moments later they were laughing about it and in the end A’viloh was surprised and also a little proud how quickly he had learned and how much fun this was.

He wasn’t sure how much time they spent there on the frozen lake but at some point a bell sounded from the nearby Camp. Startled A’viloh looked up (and almost lost his balance again). “How late is it? I’m sure you have more important things to do than this! I’m sorry if I’m keeping you from doing your work.”

But Haurchefant just laughed and teased, “What could be more important than prove to you that not all of Coerthas is a deadly wasteland trying to kill you? But I think we really should return soon. I don’t want you to get cold again and after all we also don’t want Rael to find out about this little excursion, do we?”

For a second A’viloh wished the viera could see him now and wondered what their reaction would be like. The thought made him chuckle.

And as they floated, one last circle around the lake, A’viloh couldn’t help but wonder that maybe it was happy moments like this. The reason he was still here. Moments that made his life worth living.

---

inspired by the poem The Reversal by Leila Chatti

#ffxiv #ff14 #final fantasy xiv #final fantasy 14 #ffxiv writing #ffxiv screenshots #gpose #Aviloh Tia #Haurchefant Greystone #This ended up sadder than I wanted actually XD #But at least it ends on a good note and thats worth something huh?#I read that poem while I was still writing the last story and thought it fitted A'vi's mood quite well #and that it would be sweet to make him go ice skating although he has no clue what that is and how to do it :D #Did I ever tell you A'vi is his own worst enemy sometimes? I probably did or you figured that out by yourself by now...#If he thinks he can't do something he won't even try #I like to blame that on the expectactions people had for him and which he failed repeatedly but it's probably a bit of a character flaw too #However before late HW it is probably also very easy to talk him into pretty much anything if you have the slightest bit of persuasion skil #oops thats probably a character flaw too... but in this case it is useful at last :D #A'vi will get better soon I promise!#Well obviously he will get worse first for obvious reasons but then he'll get better eventually!#Maybe... I hope... Oh boy I am seriously trying but this sad cat doesn't want to be happy D:#I think getting the Scions back will help a little and so will the happenings of Stormblood I think...#And regarding Haurchefant: I don't think I see this as particularly romantic (I mean from Haurchefant's side maybe given his character)#I should probably make a post one of these days giving some iside look on A'vi's emotions! because it's complicated! XD #he's been alive but not really living for so long now and maybe this near-death-expierence was necessary to make him think about that...#rant over! I'll make a different post another day! this already got out of hand again...#and once again I’m posting this on a Friday! i might just start calling it FanficFriday! which doesn’t mean you get something each week XD

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