#of course… things have been shifting in the fandom which i’m very happy about

[throwawayasoiafaccount]

Why do you think the tides have slightly turned from "Elia deserves better than Rhaegar" to shipping her and Rhaegar together? Like what is the psychology behind these people because I've seen some of them like/reblog anti Rhaegar posts while also shipping Rhaegar x Elia at the same time.

hey anon! my thoughts are a bit messy, but i’ve done my best to explain them coherently :)

so, rhaegar was the best man anyone could have when elia was alive, and most people want the best for their favs. he was considered the most handsome, didn’t have a bad personality, and he was crown prince—meaning elia was almost queen, which is often seen as the greatest role a woman can have. the narrative also treats rhaegar as a beautiful, tragic, haunting figure, and elia actually had this very aesthetically pleasing man all to herself at one point! she was married to him, had children with him, and her life was so close to perfect! but rhaegar just had to go and ruin it. 😠

for many elia stans, if rhaegar hadn’t fallen in love with another woman (they want him to have been a completely different character), then everything would’ve been perfect, and elia would’ve had the best, most desirable life. however, that’s not what happened—elia met a very tragic end, and as a result, these stans feel double the bitterness. because of this bitterness, they blame rhaegar for everything (even though it’s not logical to do so), but he’s just too ‘perfect’ to let go of. so, for years these stans have made rhaegar revolve around elia, filling his tag with posts about her out of bitterness. so, i do believe that this obsession with rhaegar x elia has always been there, but i think it’s become a more favorable stance on the elia stan side of the fandom because of a mix of reasons.

plus, rhaegar is one of the few canon relationships we know elia had, since she’s not much of a character. because of this, and the fact that most people don’t like to stray too far from canon, most elia stans are forced to focus on rhaegar, which has created an echo chamber. basically, if a sentiment about elia and rhaegar’s relationship becomes popular, then the whole elia stan side of the fandom will likely regurgitate the sentiment. (also, this desire to stick close to canon is likely why the elia x arthur ship was so popular. while it’s a total crack ship, it had good aesthetics, and since elia and arthur at least knew each other, it allowed the stans to create their perfect fanfiction whilst sticking it to rhaegar. but remember, elia was actually married to rhaegar and had children with him, so while arthur is cool, rhaegar was always ‘top dog,’ meaning arthur would never be able to match up to rhaegar to most elia stans. also, the arthur x elia crack ship is likely her second most popular ship, which just shows how little elia stans have to work with, so they’re always forced to eventually return back to rhaegar for a lot of things.)

however, even if the elia x rhaegar ship gains more popularity, these stans will never stop hating rhaegar because he wasn’t ‘perfect’—and he wasn’t perfect because he didn’t love elia. plus, rhaegar loving another woman and supposedly kidnapping her is what began the war that led to elia’s tragic death. that’s bitterness times 1000. and while i don’t actually blame rhaegar for the war, i do think that this is how an elia stan sees it. i also don’t view rhaegar’s complex relationship with elia as a bad thing—it’s actually a very realistic take on an arranged marriage between two decent people. but most elia stans will never be able to get over the fact that they almost had everything, which is why many have it out for lyanna, as they consider her a thief who ruined their ‘perfection.’

tbh, that might be why so many elia stans are so obsessed with the idea that rhaegar only got with lyanna because of the prophecy—they don’t want to believe that rhaegar actually loved a different woman and not their perfect self insert elia. that’s a bit mean of me… but i don’t know what else one would call the ‘elia’ elia stans have created.

now that i’ve laid all those thoughts out, i’ll try to explain why the tides seem to be turning… i think it may have something to do with the ‘targaryens are all evil and bad’ sentiment losing popularity. i think this shift has occurred due to a mix of factors, such as years of fandom fights and fandom cycles leading to the targs being more liked now than before. it helps that canon doesn’t actually condemn the targs/favors them quite a bit, and the influx of new targ fans from HOTD has also contributed. this combination of reasons seems to have shifted the way the mainstream fandom discusses all the targaryen characters, including rhaegar. so, with this shift, it’s only natural that some elia stans/elia x rhaegar shippers—who’ve always been there—are using this opportunity to push their agenda. while these stans still hate rhaegar and see him as the bad guy, they just can’t let go of him. and as the mainstream fandom moves away from the anti targaryen sentiment, these smaller corners of the fandom, which tend to be echo chambers, are also affected, which has therefore led to a rise in rhaegar x elia shippers and the ‘shifting tide’ that you’ve also noticed.

[ryuichirou]

I apologize if it is too personal but how do you deal with "antishipper" and the way they make callout posts and harassment campaigns against you ? It’s legitimately so scary and it makes me hesitant of posting my own art

Anon! I am very sorry you are going through this horrible feeling of hesitation and anxiety; knowing that people get targeted like that could not only stop you from posting, but stop you from creating altogether, and this is the worst part about this whole thing.

It’s not too personal, and I don’t mind talking about it at all. I’ve talked about our position and our relationship with fandom policing a bunch of times already, so I’m sorry if I’m repeating myself.

I used to be worried about posting certain stuff too. Well, when I was a teen/in my early 20s I wasn’t worried about anything: we had so much juicy stuff posted here lol But then the nsfw ban happened, and the social climate of this app and internet in general started shifting, the first stories about people driven to end their lives because of the hate they received started to come out, and we stopped posting completely. It wasn’t a huge loss to us back then, and this situation wasn’t the only reason why we stopped, but still, it clearly became much more difficult to just appear out of nowhere, throw problematic stuff in your blog and run away again.

I vividly remember us wanting to post my Shingeki no Kyojin drawings and comics based on our AUs and stuff, but not knowing what to do with Ereri – there was no way for us to be “unproblematic” (which was never a concern to us, we just didn’t want to get tons of hate lol) and still post Eren with a man twice his age. So we started posting them without a tag, starting with a drawing that wasn’t too shippy, and then miraculously the world didn’t end. That made us bolder, and we started to post them openly, and posted them for almost two years pretty regularly, alongside some of our other problematic ships + problematic themes. Of course we did get hate, we got a lot of hate while we were posting SnK stuff from all kinds of people, but what we also got a lot of people who found our content refreshing and interesting, even if it was weird and uncomfortable at times.

We weren’t the only people who shipped Ereri (let’s ignore my petty thoughts about the difference between Ereri and Rivaere for now), and we weren’t the only people in Twst fandom who liked Shroudcest, which is another ship that we were super hesitant about posting or even mentioning at first. But with all the hate around I was so certain the world was going to end the moment we post them, and that didn’t happen. The end of the world never happens, but what does happen is that people either get introduced to a fun new dynamic and get invested, or get happy that someone finally posts for the ship they were too afraid to post for. Somehow, when you see some other person being ballsy, you don’t feel as scared anymore – it happened to us with other people’s posts too. Yes, I still say this even though it spawns a bunch of callout posts and harassment, as it did with us. Were we cancelled? Yeah, somewhat. There’s so much you can say about an acc that states “problematic stuff, 18+”, right? I was super relieved and happy, actually, that a lot of people left/blocked us just because they’re the people I’d never want to interact with my art.

I’ve been yapping for a long time already lol so I’ll give you some pieces of advice instead… These are things that legitimately help us.

Surround yourself with people who support you – if not you personally, then at least your ideas (i.e. other proshippers). Luckily, nowadays it’s easier to find them… But also, having a friend who you can vent about these things to helps a lot! It’s cheesy but it’s a fact: when you’re not alone, it’s not as scary.

Always ignore comments/asks from antis and block them on sight, block anonymous asks too. Even if you really want to sass them, it’s much more effective to ignore them: when you give them attention, it invites more engagement from them.

Block people you get bad vibes from. Block those who like or comment bad takes or support harassment of others, block all of their alt accounts. It’s tedious and takes time, but it really helps to keep you hidden from them, at least to some degree. I look up Shroudcest sometimes just to block new people. They try to make fun of me for that, but who cares if it works? You can’t block everyone, but these people usually flock together and it’s usually just a bunch of friends, so taking several posts on these topics from people from the fandom and blocking everyone involved will obliterate the majority of harassers.

In terms of your safety, having multiple accounts in case you main one gets mass-reported helps + I would advice to keep irl stuff away from your fandom stuff just in case.

This is going to sound stupid, but please keep in mind that this isn’t about you. These people are very miserable and not very smart. Even if they try to paint you like a bad person, they don’t know anything about you, so don’t let their judgment affect how you feel about yourself. This is exactly what they want – to have power over you.

Stay strong and take care of yourself, i.e. lock your acc and/or take a break if you feel overwhelmed. Don’t worry, it will pass: it’s very rare for these clowns to keep focus on one person for a long period of time; they have like 5 different dramas per day. There are some absolutely batshit crazy rapid assholes who won’t leave an artist alone for years, but those are super rare and special cases altogether, I don’t think you need to be worried about those.

Keep in mind which fandom you want to do this with, btw. It’s usually okay for the most part, but if the fandom is just a bunch of kids, it’s more likely not worth it or deserves an empty account, at least. Twst is surprisingly good despite anything it might look like! Thanks to Yana being a shotacon and a creator of Kuroshitsuji, I guess. There are many great and supportive people in the twst fandom, it’s been a pleasure to be here, even though, once again, it’s the first fandom where I got a bunch of callout posts and nasty stuff in my ask (SnK fandom usually harassed me for other things).

TL;DR: it is scary, and you could easily get callout posts about yourself, but guess what, you also get to be yourself. Because realistically, callout posts can’t stop you from creating art. They want you to believe that they have power over you, but this isn’t true. Your life online won’t end after some random callout post – mine didn’t. They also don’t understand that each consequent callout post affects the person being called out even less. We do have a minor panic attack for the first hour or so, and it does involve more extra blocking, but mostly it just sours our mood for the day and drops our morale. I still draw, though, out of spite a little lol Oh, and do try to report these types of posts if you get them, there’s nothing wrong with that.

People had been persecuted for their art and ideas for centuries, so what happens now is really nothing new. Without diving into specifics, there are way worse things they could do than writing callouts, but they aren’t super likely to do those. Luckily.

Take care of yourself, but also please don’t doubt yourself; when it comes to your art being way too fun for lovers of censorship to handle, you’re in a very good company. I’m referring to all the artist and writers of this world btw and not just me and Katsu lol but us as well!

[thebirdsareafterme]

only if you want to, would you like to share a director’s commentary about your gorgeous enjoy the butterflies art? it’s so stunning and i cant begin to tell you how many times I’ve come back to gaze loving at your masterpiece

OMG ABSOLUTELY!! Thank you for the ask, Em 🫶💜

I love talking about the process and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate all the love you have shown this piece!

It all started with this reference pic:

The moment I saw it, I knewwww I had to draw him. The purpley light on the side of his face had me hooked, and it began as a lighting study. It turned out to be one of the pieces that has taken me the longest ever, because I was working on it randomly whenever I had a break from school or work.

Since it was a study to begin with, I first did some sketching to try to capture his features. The screenshot is super blurry because it’s actually just one tiny corner of a canvas.

At this point, I was fully committed to making this into a full blown piece. Gone were the days of this ending up as a quick little study, so of course I made it bigger and refined the sketch.

The next step was to block in my colours. I started very saturated colours, since I wanted to capture the undertones in his skin and play with the lighting.

For the shadows, I played with some colour theory for a bit and added in my blues and purples to counteract the bright yellow and corals. Once blended out, it started to look a little less crazy and more realistic.

I blocked in the hair and the clothing next, which was pretty boring but necessary. Since they are both super dark colours, it was harder to play around with the tones, but I was able to put some purple undertones in the hair. Also, I changed his facial features a couple of times in between, which is why he looks completely different from one picture to another.

The next step was to finish all the rendering for the skin, clothes and hair. This took me about a week to finally be happy with, since I’m a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to things like that. I worked on it sporadically as well, so it definitely took longer than it should.

The eyes were the absolute best part of the drawing. They started out purple, because it was my shadow colour of the time and eventually shifted around the colour wheel to be multicoloured but still dark.

Now for the background. I had a lot of options and ideas for it, so deciding on just one was difficult. I knew I wanted the butterflies in there somewhere, so that was done first. Filling in the wings with very light pencil strokes took a considerable amount of time as well, but I loved the final effect.

From all the options that I put together, I liked the look of the textured lines the best.

I decided to take out the darker blue box in the end, because I thought it was quite busy already. Finally, to end it all off, I finished the details on the suit and added those little details. The FEA moved around a few times before I decided on keeping it small on the the collar.

Here's what the final piece looks like!

I'm pretty happy with how it turned out stylistically, and I think getting this done helped me deal with the overwhelming grief of losing Daniel to the Red Bull guillotine. It was hard for a while to find the motivation to finish it, as I started this in June and finished it in October after Singapore. The #thankyoudanielfest kept me motivated to get it done, and I was able to think a lot about how much Daniel means to me and how he has changed my life in the process.

Anyways, if this was too long to read, here's a short little process video I made for my TikTok a while back.

I'm so grateful to everyone who has enjoyed my art and engaged with it! The Tumblr community just feels like family, and I'm glad I've been able to make some friends in the time that I've been in the F1 fandom. Y'all are amazing.

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas, if you celebrate and a restful holidays!

[hauntedgrin]

An unnecessarily thorough analysis of the Tarot imagery in Merlin Season One by an amateur tarot reader

(who is also a hopeless romantic and is currently very affected by the disaster that is BBC Merlin)

I started watching Merlin around two months ago. I fell in love with the show instantly, even if I technically haven't finished it yet because of time reasons (though I did spoil myself everything right to the ending and I’m devastated. Still trying to find courage to start season 5. But that’s beside the point)

There was something in the first season that caught my eye and hasn't let me go since. In fact, I was thinking about it today, went on a search for discussions about it, fully under the assumption that this is something the fandom noticed long beforehand is a well-known fact. To my endless surprise, I’ve found no mention! Nada! Not a single one. That won’t do, I thought. I have to share with the people. It's something that fueled my conviction in Merlin the Show being a love story between Merlin and Arthur (whatever the nature of that love may be, I love both the platonic and romantic interpretation equally, though this specific instance could be leaning towards romance somewhat more, I'll explain it in a second) and here it is.

It's this scene.

It is Merlin and Arthur, facing each other with two cups in between them, trying to decide who is going to drink the poison, sacrifice himself and save the other. And I thought Oh my god, tarot symbolism.

That's the card, the Two of Cups. The similarities are obvious (and, in my opinion, very intentional. I’d like to kiss whoever came up with this specific creative decision)

Slight disclaimer: Tarot reading can be very subjective, meanings shift depending on the reader and their perception of the card. I’ll try to be objective with the main aspects of the cards, but there is a lot of subjective opinions too. It’s okay if you disagree)

The main meanings of this card are partnerships, loving relationships, mutual attraction, unity, harmony and, you guessed it!, soulmates. It’s not hard to see why that card would have been chosen to represent them. I think that’s the most outright the show’s ever been about calling them soulmates, without hiding behind labels such as ‘each other’s destiny’ and ‘two sides of one coin’ as if those are any less gay. There is also themes of equality and becoming one, mutual respect and, in certain cases passion and sexual attraction (though it’s not a definition that is applicable in all cases, and can absolutely be ignored for platonic or asexual relationships, it’s still one of the main aspects, given that its represented by, you know, the big red head of a lion with wings right at the top of the card. Can’t exactly forget about it.)

Personally I've always preferred the Two of Cups to The Lovers tarot card (which looks very similar and has some intersections in themes, also concerning love, intimacy, passion). Plus, The Lovers is part of the Major Arcana, so technically it should be more impactful, ‘epic’, someone said, divine. While doing some research into that distinction I've found why exactly it makes me a bit queasy. The Lovers are not always a card about love, in fact, more often it isn’t. And The Lovers aren't made for each other. That is to say, they obviously are, considering the entirety transparent Adam and Eve imagery (and this also makes it a more conservative card, with clear molds for a ‘traditional relationship’). The Lovers are brought together by a higher power, made for a purpose. It serves something. It is a message. It is a lesson. It's a choice between what you want and what you need. It is a partnership, often intense, out of this world, but it’s also about all the factors in between, the things that unite them, the snake, the temptation, the apple, the garden. It can be also about soulmates, and happy relationships, of course, about fated lovers… and mortal enemies. It actually is more in line with Merlin’s and Morgana’s relationship. Out of this world fated connection? Absolutely, guaranteed. Do you want that kind of connection though, really?

How is this relevant, you might be thinking?

Well, there is no such divine power pushing the couple portrayed by the Two of Cups. In fact, they are choosing each other. It’s only them and their union. That’s why I like it so much. They are only the way they are, not the way they are meant to be, not specifically made for each other and yet they are right for each other anyway. And, somehow, just being them is enough. Is that not love?

In Merlin we are told that Merlin and Arthur are a part of each other’s destiny. The Once and Future King and Emrys, his protector, uniting Albion, prophesized by some unnamed seer(s). Does not seem very much like a choice, does it? I guess it depends on the way you view the prophecy and destiny in the show. Is it really all inevitable, and destiny is set in stone, unable to be changed, all leading to the same end, no matter what you do? Or is it the choices themselves that are the constants, fixed in place by the prophecy fulfilling itself? I think the answers to those questions are entirely up to each viewer, and that we can only speculate on it, and never know for sure which was it. Maybe there isn’t a right answer at all. But what I do know is there was a choice Merlin and Arthur made. Let’s return to the imagery on the card..

The couple is exchanging the cups. They are not just toasting – they are performing a ritual, a ceremony. Like exchanging rings, like giving vows. It’s a promise, it’s a connection, it’s a new step, it’s a commitment. And the parallels of the scene in 1x11 don’t end with just imagery. Merlin and Arthur complete the ritual! In the show!

In the episode 1x04, The Poisoned Chalice, Merlin starts the ritual by drinking from Arthur’s poisoned goblet, which he does to protect him. I would also like to add that this is the first time Two Cups appear that season (that's twice they used the imagery), notably, two ceremonial goblets that are supposed to symbolize peace and partnership between two kingdoms. Even if it doesn’t represent the actual state of the two kingdoms, it definitely shows King Bayard’s genuine desire for a peaceful alliance. And Merlin drinks from one of them!

Merlin drinks poison for Arthur and in Labyrinth of Gedref, Arthur drinks ‘poison’ for Merlin in turn. Very unconventional way to get married, I must say, but it’s remarkable that they do it in the same way (even if not at the same time).

So. What does all of that tell us about Merlin and Arthur?

We’ve established that the card signifies a very close, strong and significant relationship, chosen by both parties. Again, I like that it emphasizes the choice, that they didn’t just fall into the friendship because of destiny (even if it aided them). The Two of Cups is a part of the Minor Arcana, which deals with the every day matters, earthly lives. Is that not fitting? Merlin didn’t choose The Once and Future King, he chose Arthur, and Arthur didn’t choose Emrys, he chose Merlin.

Merlin’s who been promised a peaceful future. A land where magic is free. Merlin, who knows what’s supposed to happen: The Once and Future King brings that future. The King dies. Merlin, who has a choice to bring that future. To save Mordred. To remove the ban on magic. He doesn’t choose that, he chooses to essentially destroy that future entirely, just so he can have Arthur.

Arthur, who values Merlin’s opinion above everyone else’s, Arthur on his deathbed, finally seeing Merlin for who he is, says, “I don’t want you to change, I want you to always be you,” Arthur, who is dying, a few steps from the chance being saved, (still too far, not enough time), decides to stop because in his last moments he just wants to be held by Merlin.

They chose each other.

And that’s, dare I say it, love.

[marichild]

AO3 Wrapped #2 (Mari’s Version)

crazy year it has been for fic writing. careening into four(?) fandoms and being so absolutely insane about all of them. I think you can see here that I am not normal about anything ever

words written

technically, about 362k, but a lot of that is from my monster of a vampire au from … a while ago, so around 290k, probably. lmao.

works published

37, counting out the three chaptered fics I’ve had since before the year started, and also counting in one fic that’s on anon! I don’t know how I even got here, lmao. but it’s nice to know I’ve been pretty consistent with my writing this year, by my standards, anyway.

work I’m most proud of

what should we become, in what form, although only published in december, is one work I’ve been putting so much effort into since like … august, probably. this could be because that as much as the jujutsu kaisen world has disappointed me, it’s so dear to me—especially the characters. I’ve said this before, but while I knew I would become obsessed with satosugu even before I got into this fandom (what can I say, I’m weak for best friends, devotion, and betrayal), I didn’t expect to become so, so dearly attached to the gojo & megumi dynamic. so.

this fic, while it is worldbuilding and exploring gojo’s character, does also count as a love letter to them. I’ll stop now before I get carried away— (but be on the lookout for an update this month or next!)

also! shoutout to careless as could be! although it’s a rarepair, sigma & chuuya is a dynamic I’ve been enamored by since the moment they revealed sigma’s origin. something about humanness, affirming yourself, allowing yourself to live as the way you are, no matter what you were born from. their dynamic could be interesting and I’m genuinely hoping this is the direction asagiri takes it in once the narrative shifts back to focusing on dazai, chuuya, and sigma.

I think the thing I am most proud of with this fic is the characterization, because as I’ve said before, I’m so picky about sigma and chuuya characterization, even with my own writing, so it’s just … nice to see it done, you know?

also, I would say that the fic I wrote for New Year (which I unfortunately was not able to do this year), the little blue bird that’s lost its voice, does stand out. I think it does a good job depicting what it has to be like, loving your best friend, who, well. wants to die. shin and his mindset is always something that has intrigued me, of course, and who would I be if I didn’t add to the raiden/shin tag? overall, for how little this fic was planned, reading over it, I am happy with the thread of desperation and yearning that runs through the whole thing!

work that readers enjoyed the most

I’m not even going to lie when I say that evidently people are enjoying my taegyu porn, you know i want it bad, because. well. do I even have to say anything? I see you, you horny demons /aff (it is also worth noting that I refuse to look at this unless I get a comment …)

although. a close second is because you had shared it with me, this love and that’s…well, I do feel bad? I haven’t updated in a while not because I don’t feel the spark, but due to personal reasons, the very premise of this if i stay au kinda freaks me out. although I’m trying to ease myself back into it, the fact that the scary event that puts me off writing this au happened while I was well into writing it…well. I do try to tell myself that everything is okay now, but we’ll see. zeroses, please wait for me <3

fastest work to write

I have a lot of ficlets ranging from 1k to 2k that took a few hours to write (that’s the power of xikers I guess. specifically woojungz) but talking about longer fics, it took me about two days to write couldn’t even become a nobody, my transfem dazai / dazakiko fic, which is around 6k words, or speaking of even longer fics, five days like a deranged man with tunnel-vision for we’ve met like a miracle, my 13k T4T soulseob high school au. crazy work.

I’m kind of proud of myself, because even for the short amount of time and little to no editing done, I really do like what I did with that one there, especially because I was so busy with schoolwork and stuff, lol.

slowest work to write

strictly speaking of this year, this precious moment. not because I didn’t have the fuel, but because I was genuinely scared of what I was doing. I was kind of … doing a new thing for the fandom specifically, writing about a trans man’s pregnancy and subsequent raising of the child together with his partner. it took a few months, maybe? at least four.

while I know very well that there’s nothing wrong with that at all, it was such precious and personal work to me that I needed to do it justice, and also, I wasn’t ready to face criticism for it. I want to thank my friends sol and @draco-renn for encouraging me to post it. and draco for being the number one fan of the verse, haha. xi is the real reason I wrote that kindergarten sequel, really <3

number of WIPs I’m taking into 2025

um. well. quite a bit! if I do a process of elimination and count in only the ones I’m likely to be finishing, then 28 or so. at least. it’s a problem.

favorite character to write

*through gritted teeth* welcome, dazai osamu. I literally don’t like that dazai is so fun to write. what is wrong with him. go away you little gremlin.

okay but for real, besides the crowning king gendermess, I think my favorite to write this year has been either gojo or megumi. to absolutely no one’s surprise. there’s something fun about getting to write from their perspectives, especially exploring their respective stances on power, love, and what it means to be a sorcerer—and counting in both canon and in an au context, how they process the love they are given, how they react to more normal real-life situations. idk. they’re my beloved blorbos.

shoutout out to till alien stage. I love writing angry rebels who continually throw themselves into a wall. metaphorically and literally. I haven’t written luka perspective yet, but writing about him the way others see him … god. it’s so much fun.

favorite lines I’ve written this year:

from we’ve met like a miracle:

But. It’s Shota. He’s always been awfully good at tugging Jongseob along to his rhythm, catching all the flyaway strands of her seams as he goes, laughing in delight. And that’s the real miracle: that Jongseob’s been able to keep in step with him this entire time. She prays she never falls out of step, that their rhythm carries on.

from what should we become, in what form:

Because, he thinks as Tsumiki looks up at him with shining eyes and too-pale skin flushed with delight, searching for approval, he can’t let them become another Gojo Satoru, finding the meaning in life far too late, far too little of it. He can’t let them become another Geto Suguru, going crazy until salvation reaches him, only for that to not be enough, too.

He can’t let them become like this generation of sorcerers. He’ll be damned if either of them end up on Shoko’s morgue table, like nearly all his upperclassmen, like Haibara, or children like Riko—

“Tsumiki-chan wins!” he grins, and for once, his boisterousness feels real despite the tears threatening, despite the cursed energy crackling in the air as a result. It feels real and true and good, despite Megumi’s concerned blinking, like he doesn’t know what he’s sensing. The blinking morphs to an offended scowl.

from the little blue bird that’s lost its voice:

But, when has Raiden ever been someone who’s given up? Especially not on his friends. His best friends. The only boy he’s ever loved this much. Because anyone would be a fool to give up on Shinei Nouzen, constructed of fragile, jagged glass and unraveling stitches of frayed stubbornness, a core of bloodied, torn gold. Because even if Raiden shouldn’t, loving Shin has always been a foregone conclusion.

Because when you love someone, even the threat of shattering yourself isn’t enough to stop yourself from jumping off the edge with them, if nothing else.

and finally, from careless as could be:

“You come in here reeking of blood,” Sigma deadpans. They feel like they’re playing with a fire here, a dangerously volatile one, and it’s—it’s thrilling. Besides, it is unfair of Chuuya to say that. “I’ve heard too much about what you’re capable of.”

You scare me, they don’t say. Judging from Chuuya’s raised eyebrow, he heard the subtext loud and clear, and he smirks. He smirks.

“That’s true,” he agrees. “It’d be easy enough for me to break your neck.”

Sigma’s stomach flips. “Would you?”

this was entirely based on @fushiglow ’s post! and also @hollow-lime-green !

anyone who sees this is welcome to try this as well! I think you’d like doing this, @anticidic @ryuvnosuke @littencloud9 @sunnyyflowerrs @zukkaoru but no pressure ofcs <3

[knickknacksandallthat]

if you don't mind me asking, what got you into kevin's character?

for me it was actually your fic, but since its so normalized in the fandom to dismiss his trauma and call him a coward and annoying for doing things that other characters are loved for, i didn't really care about him when i first read the books

now hes my favorite

Oh, anon, I love this!! What an honor, I’m so glad to have helped you join the Kev lovefest 😊 (Welcome to the dark side lol!) It makes me so happy that the A Fallen Star series has awakened this in you! 💖

And wow, what a good question. I don't mind at all! I actually had to think about this for a while to try and remember…how the heck did I get here???

So here is my ridiculously uncalled-for POV on Kevin’s character and slow descent into madness below:

(Disclaimer that these are just my thoughts and anyone in the aftg fandom can hc or think whatever they like about Mr. Day 😊)

Like you, anon, I was easily swayed by Neil’s perspective of Kev on first read. It makes sense and is a credit to Nora how we so fully buy into Neil’s opinion of Kevin that many of us just run with it. And to be fair to the fandom, it’s canon – Andrew, Neil, and all the Foxes tell us he’s a coward and annoying and so we assume it must be true.

So, I created many fics that played into this image and focused on andreil. (Because who isn’t enamored with andreil??? Legit, deranged obsession and couple goals lmao). Using that lens, it was easy to make Kevin the punching bag because he is the quintessential “straight man” in comedy (and yes, I do hear the irony in that) – the foil to other characters to make them seem better, braver, funnier, smarter, etc. It’s an age-old trick/trope in fiction that works very well. And it was an easier transition for Nora to make, I think, once she made the decision to remove Kevin from the main narrative of her story.

This character setup works well enough when you’re doing a fic from Neil or Andrew’s POV, providing an easy source of humor to fall back on. So, for me, I think my thinking shifted once I started working on Flavors of Fall and delved into Andrew and Kevin’s storyline there. That fic forced me to think from Kevin’s perspective, and I found at the time I had a shallow understanding of what made Kevin tick. It totally threw me once I really started considering sequels for that fic and the 12 Day Program for Courtship, both of which have Kevin cast as a main character. I had to dive deep into his makeup, seriously considering his motivations, his likes/dislikes, his personality traits, his relationships, and how he would react in any given situation.

Because I was interested in his character development, I started delving into fics like orionauriga’s just pretend , @likearecordbb's Long Walk in the Woods, @thetrojeans daylights, sunsets, and @dayurno's the age of no regret series. They are all brilliant, fascinating character studies of Kevin Day and his relationships that are extremely well done. There’s many more, of course, but I was searching for fics that specifically delved into Kevin’s thought process and choices and stayed there a while.

That’s what led me to feeling like I needed to tell his story with Dead of Night. Of course, it turned into a larger series with my flavoring of Kerejean added because I’ve never been a huge Kevin/Thea relationship fan. (But that's a discussion for another day which you can start here and here for that adventure.)

Now all that I’ve described above gives you the mechanics of the descent – the when, the where, the how. But it crucially misses the why. What is it about Kevin that got me in the end?

Ironically enough, it was his potential.

I think when Nora stripped away any kind of romantic narrative (RIP Kandreil OR Riko/Kevin/Jean) or a chance for a tragic storyline (Kevin dying in the end) it resulted in removing a lot of Kevin’s emotional vulnerability. We don’t get to hear what he’s feeling or thinking unless it’s related to Riko, the Moriyamas, or Exy. This means his storyline is consumed by the stereotypical sports underdog story, with us following his rise to champion (which is still a powerful enough narrative on its own that shines even in the midst of Neil’s crazy plotline. Switching that racquet to his left hand in the championship game? Iconic.) 

However, it leaves us very much with a shell of a person. Kevin’s character outside of Exy is reduced to a handful of facts – there’s a passing comment on his like of history, and the stark evidence of an alcohol addiction as a coping mechanism. We’re told he used to dance. That he learned French because Jean Moreau taught him. That he has no qualms about taking (mild?) drugs (cracker dust). Despite how much we’ve run with it as a fandom, the only allusion I’ve found in the books to him being strict with diet is this section from The King’s Men:

“No one needs to eat this before a game,” Kevin said. “Eat some granola or protein if you’re that hungry.” “Hello, there’s protein in the peanut butter,” Nicky said. “Let go of me before I tell Andrew you’re outlawing chocolate. I said let go. You’re not the boss of me. Ouch! Did you seriously just hit me?” … “Kevin, just let him go,” Neil said. “It’s not worth fighting over.” “When our defense is sluggish, we all suffer,” Kevin said.

From what I can find in the books, Kevin never once denies Andrew eating ice cream. (Which I’m 100% able to admit I might have missed something so feel free to quote me where that scene is because I was totally searching for it). In fact, every time they go to Sweetie’s, it’s implied Kevin orders ice cream with them. In the infamous kissing scene in The King’s Men, we actually have proof that Kevin got ice cream:

Kevin still hadn’t messaged Nicky by the time they reached the ice cream aisle, so Nicky gave in and called him. Neil half-expected Kevin to ignore Nicky’s call, but Kevin wasn’t so sour with them that he’d turn down a free snack…Nicky grabbed spoons from the kitchen and distributed pints to their hungry owners. Neil checked his expression when Nicky came back from dropping Kevin’s off….

Now I do think it’s in line with his character and his upbringing to have issues with food, so I’m all for buying into that specific hc. But we have very little evidence of it in the text.

His personality is reduced mainly to anger, arrogance, or cowardice (all traits that don’t make us sympathize with him). The only facts we have about his Tragic Past™️ are two things: his mother’s death, and his hand injury. Everything else we assume is based on Neil’s knowledge of the mafia, Wymack’s hearsay, Andrew’s deductions, and Kevin’s reactions to Riko and Tetsuji. We have literally no idea what happened to Kevin in the Nest. His trauma and his time spent there is a complete mystery. The closest we get is Riko’s comment to Neil in The Raven King:

“I am going to love hurting you,” Riko said, “like I loved hurting Kevin.”

This, I think, is one of the main reasons many of the fandom “dismisses” Kevin’s trauma in comparison to Neil’s because we can’t see it. We don’t know what happened and we don’t get to experience it, so this lack of explanation or motivation leaves us only with very cold personality traits. We’re unable to root for him as a character because we can’t sympathize. We can empathize because we know Very Bad Things™️ must have happened in the Nest, but we don’t see them happen the same way we do Neil or Andrew. Even Kevin’s hand injury is old and “healed” when we’re first introduced to the character.

The only true canon moment where Kevin appears “human” is in The Raven King with Kevin’s “then run” and “you should be court” conversation with Neil. His admittance that Neil’s life is more important than Exy is instantaneous – he doesn’t even pause to throw his Exy dreams down the drain if it means Neil can survive.  In a weirdly parallel way, we see Kevin’s thought process implicit in his conversation: “at least you’d have a chance.” It is strikingly similar to Neil’s internal conversation of: one of us should make it. (And there’s another whole separate discourse I could get into on how Kevin and Neil are two halves of the same coin, but we’ll save that for another day.) But even the revelation of Wymack as his father has more shock value than true emotional weight – we never see what that conversation looked like or how either party actually reacted. (In some ways, I feel like Dan being pissed at Kevin is given more “screentime” than Kevin’s response to telling his father and how Wymack reacted.)

So with Kevin’s emotions and past firmly locked down, we’re left to brush off Kevin’s reactions (or lack thereof) as part of his indifferent personality. It is what it says on the tin. (And that’s not to say Kevin is a perfect character by any means. He has flaws just like every other character.)

Now some people very accurately depict and buy into those limitations as simply being Kevin’s character/personality – I’ve read some awesome fics where Kevin is Ace/Aro and/or on the spectrum. These are completely valid, extremely well done, and I could totally see why others see and write him this way. Canon practically sets them up for it.

For me, though, it circles back to our skewed view of Kevin given to us by some deeply loved but also deeply flawed characters (cough, Andreil). Those same characters that we’re told time and again not to judge them by their cover but to try and understand how they’re affected by (and make choices because of) their trauma.

While Andrew and Neil end up giving each other this grace through a hard-fought battle of truths and exchanges, they do not extend this same courtesy to Kevin, and neither are we given the chance to do so. We literally can’t because, again, we don’t know what the full extent of Kevin’s trauma is.

Kevin doesn’t talk about his time in the Nest to any character, meaning we know nothing about it. Ergo we don’t know what choices Kevin makes because of it. In The Foxhole Court, Wymack specifically tells us Kevin was Riko’s pet. In fact, there is so much specific language that Kevin himself uses around the concept of ownership, and that Nora uses when referring to him that it jarringly sticks out in the text.  He has no sense of personal space or proper boundaries, viewing people only as assets to be used for the good of the team, which at the very least is a sign of mental abuse. But the fact remains that we just don’t know. We don’t know how far this mental abuse was taken, how often or severely he was injured, if he injured or was forced to injure others – we don’t know.

But it’s obvious whatever happened to him started as a child and built from there. Which means he has years of abuse and power dynamics embedded into him. He has every right to be afraid. In fact, we are demonstrably told and shown often in canon that Kevin is afraid…but fear does not equate to cowardice. In fact, we know that bravery often means being scared and doing something anyway. And in many cases, that’s just what Kevin did (with a crutch named Andrew). But even before he entered his deal with Andrew, it's important to remember that even though he was brainwashed and beaten from a young age to understand that he would die if he betrayed the Moriyama family in some way, he left them.

This is always so significant to me because so many abuse victims stay in their situation thinking/hoping/praying it will get better – either because of an idea that their abuser will change (“they’re just having a hard time at work rn”) or that the victim will fix whatever flaw the abuser finds lacking. Or alternatively, they recognize the situation is bad, but they can’t leave because they feel like they have nowhere to go, no one who will help them, trapped by their lack of skills/contacts/money. In Kevin’s case, both situations rang true. And yet he left. He left, and in only a year and a half’s time he recovered from his injury and led his team to the championship.

But he is only at the start of his recovery. I think he’ll need years of therapy to recover from all that happened in the Nest. I think many of his emotional and social shortcomings are a direct consequence of that timeframe and he did not have the freedom to address them until the threat of the Moriyamas was removed. I do not think they are permanent parts of his personality – I think in time, he will be allowed to grow and recover and contribute much more to his relationships than he’s capable of doing at the end of The King’s Men.

Though the series finished, I think Kevin’s story is just beginning.

That’s why I think he’s fascinating to explore as a character. That’s why I love writing him right now because in many ways, his possibilities are endless. There’s so many opportunities to explore different facets of his story that we never get a chance to in canon. Kevin’s character and narrative is a tantalizing tease which many of us have fell hook, line, and sinker for. (Including yours truly.) We want to rabidly sink our teeth into it and shake it, like a dog with a bone.

So we do. 😉

Phew. Okay, that’s enough. None of what I’ve written above is new I’m sure to those of the fandom who have been here since the beginning or have become diehard Kevin fans. But thank you for letting me ramble in this ask, anon. Writing about Kevin has been a very fun and therapeutic adventure for me. So I’m so glad that there are others out there who are enjoying it too 😊

[cursezoroark]

( waves) just woke up back read a lil and yeah. Once you finish the rebornverse games,there's still a sudden feeling of being stuck, especially with ocs. For me it helps that I have discord friends who bounce off ideas and plots for said ocs, and I'm literally reworking most of my ocs as we speak......but once that's done it's gonna be like " well now what" lol. What I'm trying to say is that I get the fear - and I can certainly say you fit :)

As for potential advice uuuuuuuuh. Well outside of my own methods, playing more fangames may help? Shifting attention to another separate thing might make you become more fueled for the main thing you wanna focus on( rebornverse). Put ur ocs in different aus for funsies ( not all have to be pokemon related). I literally have a whole separate sub with Imani just being a kid and Devil ( I don't think I ever explained him. Don't worry about it) being her parent bc she never got a good parental figure in her youth in canon, and I'm a sucker for big scary assholes getting incredibly soft for their kids. It's purely self indulgent and the sweetest of fluff but it preoccupies my mind a lot. Maybe u can find an au like that too?

....and that's all I can think of right now, lol. I swear I felt I had more advice, but weh. Here's to hoping you feel a little better though! I love your ocs and your work and I hope this big ass ask makes you feel a lil better :) - R

(Waves) It’s very very sweet for u to send anything at all thank u. :] I’m v happy for u, im glad u got your oc roots going with lots of ppl thats Amazing rlly!!

I have played other fangames! A secondary favorite has been Ashen Frost because Holy Shit what a good story and characters. Highly recommend. I think though rebornverse has like. Rlllly good battle systems that makes me like it the very most and is a very driving factor as to why I like them so much. makes me rethinking my base knowledge completely and has enough sandboxing for me to come up with creative teams. The difficulty hits a very niche sweet spot in my pokemon brain. But it isn’t a whole revamp and it doesn’t feel foreign to the concept of Pokemon itself. I’ve played Flux which I’m patiently waiting for because Woah. I have considered Xenoverse but I’ve seen walkthroughs enough to know it’s Not for me. (Though I know why ppl like it!)

As for AUs, I do have one! Only for Mona rlly which is what I Just made Up like 2 hours ago of them being recruited into Team Xen. but for aus to be not Pokemon related it hurts me just a bit cause Pokemon has been the Pinnacle of my creative life (though I have many other interests! Just not. AU worthy for me? Not enough headworms. I also have my timeskip Mercury to work with, and have my Rebornverse Trio Post-game adventure (they go missing for like a good chunk of months to the panic of Everyone) I am rather self indulgent in my ocs in terms of tropes I’m a sucker for as well I fully understand (I don’t know if u can tell but Mona is literally one of my favorite tropes ever by Existing) (like. Hi Kurusu Akira Persona 5r Third Semester Arc lmaoo)

If I were to elaborate on my laments, I always just feel uneasy drifting from the original. But I do agree AUs are Fun and I will indulge them as much as they interest me. the fear of mischaracterizing will always haunt me though I’ve got to learn to accept that it’s Probably Gonna Happen. But I also just love the canon material and want to try expanding on areas if I can find any. TBH this is probably the most fandom invested I’ve been since 2020 (if u can guess which I’ll laugh) where I went art crazy. And of course faced some endeavors because it was 2020 so. Hm. All others were oc murmurs or observations, I’ve never participated in a fandom This much in a long time.

Off topic aside, I’m very grateful for any advice on my rant, I felt better after posting and doodling some random stuff and I feel even better with very kind words. Thank u :] I will just do what I do until I don’t feel like to. I will love these ocs as much as I possibly could! And hopefully show more works of them. I’ve got two comic wips that I’m procrastinating on because I Hate Lineart. So. Hopefully I don’t give up on them :]

[bkdk-art]

The Ghost of a Touch

Chapter 3

Summary: Izuku and Katsuki attend a late night show, a game of dares resulting them into getting closer. They both react very differently to that, which makes both of them feel like they’re being rejected by the person they've been in love with for ages.

Fandom: My Hero Academia / Boku no hero academia

Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku

Pairing:  Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku

Word Count: 1,000

Rating: General / Teen

AO3-Link

Notes: Takes place after UA / Izuku and Katsuki are hero partners / i know it's been over a year since i posted a full fic, i hope you enjoy it! / here's the last chapter, thanks for staying(:

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3

______________________________

~~~

About one and a half year later

~~~

“I can’t believe we’re here again”, Katsuki grumbled, running a hand through his hair.

“At least they have a new host”, Izuku answered, rolling his shoulders and cracking his neck.

“That’s the least they could do after all the shit he pulled with his guests and all the drama in the news about his behavior behind the scenes”, Katsuki said, looking around and having a deja-vu, standing backstage, waiting for their introduction.

He looked back at Izuku and couldn’t help but smile at the greenhead. For a few months, Izuku had kind of grown out his looks and he had made it a habit to catch the longer strands on the lower back of his head. The small ponytail and the looks escaping from it, falling perfectly in his face made him look adorable and crazy handsome at the same time.

When Izuku caught him staring, he titled his head questioningly.

Katsuki huffed and took one lock in between his fingers. “You just look great, nerd. I really like your hair like that.”

Izuku beamed at him. “Thanks, Kacchan!”

“Just telling the truth.”

Izuku smiled even brighter. “You know”, he said after a moment, “I’m really happy they changed the host. He probably would’ve tried to get us to spill things or straight up ask us something like when we plan to have children or something like that.”

Katsuki could just stare at Izuku, suddenly feeling like someone had poured an ice bucket over his head.

They had talked about their relationship a lot in the past year, both of them had made very clear they wanted this forever. But kids never really occurred in their conversations.

“Do you want kids?”, Katsuki heard himself ask, not really thinking about it.

“Eh”, Izuku looked away, flustered.

Great, that made Katsuki flustered too.

“I mean, I guess, I might want to, someday, maybe, yes.”

“And”, Katsuki held his breath, “with… with me?”

At that Izuku burst into laughter and Katsuki flushed a deep red.

“Shitty nerd, don’t laugh at me”, he barked, grabbing Izuku by the shoulder and popping a few tiny explosions in his other palm, no real heat behind it all.

“With whom else, Kacchan?”, Izuku was trying to catch his breath, brushing a tear of laugher out of the corner of his eye, “With whom else? Seriously. I mean”, he shrugged with a shy smile, “only if you want to too, of course.”

Katsuki let go of him, turning to face the stage entrance again, trying to compose himself.

His heart was pounding against his ribs.

What a dork, throwing something like this at him right before going live on television.

Breathe, he told himself, getting giddy at the thought of Izuku wanting to have a family with him.

“Bold motherfucker”, he hissed after a while, eying Izuku who snorted, “Maybe ask me to marry you first before moving straight to the baby-talk.”

Izuku’s head snapped into his direction.

“Would you want me to?”

Katsuki shifted awkwardly. “Would you want me to want you to?”

“What?”

Katsuki spluttered. “What do you mean, ‘what!?”, he shot back, getting even more flustered if that was even possible, “I mean, I would not not want you to.”

He watched Izuku’s face going slack, blinking a few times at him.

“Katsuki”, he whispered after a moment and something sparked up Katsuki’s spine as it always did when Izuku called him by his given name.

“Izuku”, Katsuki whispered back.

“Do you want to marry me?”

“Fuck”, Katsuki let out and launched forward to press himself against Izuku, holding his face between his hands, “You will be death of me, do you know that?”

Izuku chuckled, putting his arms around Katsuki’s waist. “Is that a Yes?”

“If no was ever an option when it comes to you”, Katsuki slightly shook his head, Izuku’s locks softly brushing against his forehead, “Yes, yes, yes, because I love, love, love you, nerd.”

A happy laugh bubbled out of Izuku’s mouth when Katsuki leaned in to kiss him and Katsuki could get high on that alone.

“I can’t believe I get to call my favorite person in the whole world my fiancé from now on”, Izuku grinned when they parted, “Or my future husband.”

Okay, that was it.

“We’re out of here”, Katsuki said, taking Izuku’s hand to drag him out of the studio.

Izuku held against him, a surprised yet amused look on his face, “Kacchan, come on, let’s not get our manager into trouble, it’ll only be around an hour!”

“Too fucking long”, Katsuki said through gritted teeth, pulling on Izuku with all his strength, “I can’t wait to be alone with my future husband.”

Suddenly Izuku dropped all of his resistance and Katsuki almost fell on his butt.

“Shit”, Izuku whispered, more to himself, “We can’t bail, we really can’t. But you’re making it very hard for me.”

Katsuki smirked. “Huh?”, he said in a low voice, “Did I just find a new button of yours to push?”

Izuku rolled his eyes. “You reaction to it was stronger than mine.”

Katsuki clicked his tongue. “Whatever. Are we out of here or not?”

Izuku sighed, looking torn.

“No”, he said, almost pouting, “We’ll have the rest of our lives to get kinky over calling each other our future husbands. Let’s do this pro hero thing for an hour and get no one into trouble, okay?”

Katsuki looked at Izuku’s soft, yet serious face and huffed, draping an arm around Izuku’s neck.

“You’re such a nerd.”

“And you like that about me.”

Katsuki scoffed. “Can’t argue with that.”

Izuku smiled one of his brightest smiles up at him and Katsuki realized that Izuku was right. That even though they have known each other their entire lives and were finally dating for over a year now, the rest of their lives – the majority of their lives even, was still out there, waiting for them.

Katsuki was filled with deep happiness at that thought and said: “We can’t announce our engagement on national television, right? Not, like, after only about two minutes have passed?”

Izuku raised his eyes at him. “My mom and your day would cry for whole week and your mom would straight up slaughter us.”

Katsuki barked out a laugh. “Sounds about right.”

Izuku leaned in closer, placing a soft kiss on Katsuki’s cheek. “We have time, Kacchan.”

“Sap.”

“Says you.”

Before Katsuki could say anything mockingly, they were introduced and Izuku dragged him out on stage, the goofiest, most beautiful smile on his face.

Yeah, well, Katsuki was indeed a sap for the nerd, sue him.

~~~

The End ^.^

I also drew Izuku with his longer hair because it was living rentfree in my head, you can find it here (:

[freewayshark]

I'm hesitant to ask this question because a lot of people are really weird but you were patient even with the person being really ridiculous and I have been really confused lately.

Why are so many people who were big buddie shippers shifting to be mainly or even only bucktommy now?

I get multishipping, but in the past when people had other ships they liked they didn't shift so drastically. Most people are now changing their users and everything to be bucktommy/tommy and most of the fanfic writers write only bucktommy now.

Is it just because it is new? Or because Buck being bi is such a big thing? I am on the spectrum and don't do change so maybe it's a me thing but it is just surprising and a little confusing why there is so much of a shift. I remember lots of people shipped Buck/Josh and even Buck/Taylor and Buck/Lucy but there wasn't ever so much of a full focus change.

A lot of people also seemed to suddenly start hating on or just not caring about Eddie too which has made me sad, like he only matters in the context of Buddie shipping. That seems to be mostly on Twitter and tiktok though and those groups of fans have always been a little weird.

Anyway this is very long and I understand if you don't want to answer, especially with all the discourse lately.

Hi! Honestly I’m always happy to answer questions like yours where you are genuinely asking a question and not just coming in with accusations and nonsense to start drama

I can really only speak for myself, but I think other people would probably agree with my reasoning, so:

I think a good chunk of it probably is because it’s new, yeah. I love buddie so much and nothing could ever change that, but it is fun to have this new dynamic to work with. For me especially, I’m enjoying writing bucktommy a ton right now, because I haven’t written outside of buddie in, well, years actually because even before I dove in headfirst in 2021 I hadn’t really been writing much of anything. So it’s fun to have new toys to play with.

And honestly, at least as far as my dash and my friends go, I don’t think any of us are only bucktommy shippers now, it’s just getting the major focus right now because it’s new and it’s playing out on our screens. I’m still seeing plenty of new buddie fics, metas, and gifsets coming out amongst the bucktommy

Like, my last fic was bucktommy, and my next one will be too, but I still have lots of buddie fic brewing, and I know I’ll still be coming up with tons of new ideas for them too. But it probably seems like I’ve done a hard shift, because it is only what I’m working on right now. But that’s just temporary, and I’m sure it is with others as well.

As for hating on or not caring about Eddie, that is definitely something I have not seen. I can’t say it isn’t happening, of course, because I only follow around 100 people and rarely venture off my dash, but if you’re seeing it here I would encourage you to curate your dash better, and stay away from twitter and TikTok because those places are cesspools for fandom.

To circle back to why bucktommy is getting this treatment over the other ships you mentioned, again, I can only speak for myself, but it’s because Tommy is such a compelling character. I’m fascinated by the character set up through the begins episodes to now, and I like thinking about him. I’m not saying other characters haven’t been compelling, but they just haven’t grabbed my attention in a way that makes me want to write about them the way he has.

I hope I was able to address all your questions

[princessrainbowpastel]

Happy New Year(‘s Eve)!!!

Just wanna say thank you to @the-weasel-king and @toasty-self-shipping for tagging me in your New Years posts! I love you guys so much!!! 🥰💕

I also wanna say thanks for all the support and love from my mutuals and followers on this blog as well as my side blogs!!! You all have been so kind to me and I’m so thankful to have you all as my friends even if we hardly speak or have never met irl. I don’t have any real friends to hang out with irl, so it’s really nice to have fellow weirdos (I mean that in a good way lol) interact with my posts and even chat with and befriend me!!! It makes me feel less lonely to know there are people out there that are like me and like the same things I do and enjoy the content I make! 🥰 Also please don’t be scared to reach out to me if any of you ever want to chat!!! I’ve made a lot of new friends through tumblr this year and it’s been an absolute joy to get to know you guys and chat with you about fandoms and characters and more! ☺️

I also just want to admit that it’s been a rough year for me personally and my family and I have been through a lot of crap (and we still are dealing with a lot of crap), but tumblr has been my safe space to help me escape from all that which is nice. I’m sorry if I’ve been slow on replies, asks, or even my works lately on my blogs (specifically @persephoneflowerpetals because I’ve been inactive on my tf2 blog lately lol, also planning on updating/revamping that blog at some point). Like I said, I’ve been dealing with a lot at home and we’re now understaffed at work, so I’ve been very drained because of the holidays and everything going on. I also work in customer service so I have a very emotionally, mentally, and most times physically (because I work in a busy pet store with lots of heavy items I have to lift and I’m always running around the store or chasing loose dogs) draining job, so I’ve just been way too tired to work on my stuff recently. All I want to do is eat and sleep when I get home from my shifts and if I’m not doing that I’m just watching YouTube or playing video games to relax because I have so many video games I haven’t had the time to play because of work lol. Of course, I’m not saying all this to make anyone feel sorry for me or anything like that, I just wanted to mention that because like I said, tumblr has been an outlet for me to escape my real life challenges for a moment and just be happy, but also real life crap has kept me from working on the content I enjoy making. Hopefully, once we get to next year things will be better and I’ll have the energy and time to write and do the things I want lol.

But yeah, there’s so many people on here I could tag and thank for everything, so I can’t tag ya all, so if you are a mutual or follower I hope you’re able to see this and know that I’m so so so greatful to have you interact with me and I love you all with my whole heart!!! I hope you all have a wonderful new year and that 2024 will be a good year for everyone ☺️💕

[twilightofthe]

writing patterns tag game

Rules: list the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there's a pattern!

tagged by @loosingmoreletters thank youuuu but i feel bad i haven’t star warsed on main really since the depression diagnosis which has been a few years so the first 4 fics aren’t even SW ;_; Also i put some of my parts from our collab fics to make me feel better about only having published/updated two (2) solo things within the last couple of years xD

Ok but here goes:

1. It’s just after midnight and Wei Ying is mournfully attempting to wash away his blue balls under the tepid-instead-of-cold shower head.

2. Blacking out after summoning however many the fuck demons who live in your head into the living realm does not always last for long, because blacking out means means you’re retreating inside your head where the demons run amok and they really make shitty company for any extended period of time, so sooner rather than later you end up dragging yourself back to consciousness just to avoid them.

3. The thing about being dead is that it’s a very distinct sensation, putting things if not lightly then the only possible way to put them because how does one explain the feeling of death to someone who has never experienced it before?

4. “Hmm…”

5. After two weeks of traveling at sublight with only the distant, unforgiving stars and his own dwindling sanity for comfort, the far-off, twinkling gem of a planet through the viewport would almost be enough to make Obi-Wan cry if crying didn’t take energy.

6. The first time it happens can be blamed on Anakin’s love of questionable quality holofilms.

7. Whenever Anakin thought about maybe changing his mind on his shift-form, he always reminded himself of the massive amounts of hair over the furniture shed from Obi Wan and Ahsoka alone, and how he was more than happy to not add to it.

8. Considering what had happened the last time he was there, Din Djarin hadn’t planned to set foot in the same star system as Tatooine anytime soon, let alone on the planet itself.

9. Anakin was having a shitty day.

10. Trace doesn’t know how long it had been exactly since Ahsoka left them when the galaxy fell apart.

.

Ok, that’s the past 10! What i realize from them is that firstly, I’m an absolute run-on sentence whore and proud of it lol. Secondly, I internalized WAY too much paranoia about what constitutes a good hook because all of these read like “omg please be drawn in PLEASE be drawn in”. Like they’re not bad, but I can recognize myself and my intentions in my words and I see my eagerness. It’s kind of sweet.

Secondly, I realize that I do really miss Star Wars, but i think a combination of pandemic, a sudden depression diagnosis, and some unpleasant interactions ended up like. Tainting my memories of writing from that era and making it really hard to come back. Plus now I’ve got a newer hyperfixation and i keep reading a bunch of fic for it and stalking people’s tumblr blogs but also doing zero creation of anything to participate. I’ve gotten into some other fandoms in the past two years that make up the first four fics on the list, but even then it’s been hard to publish things that haven’t just been gift fics for my friends, jokes i can take a little less seriously, and collabs that make me less anxious as there’s numbers involved. I really do miss writing though. Like I’m a p decent writer I think, of course I’ve got much to improve, but reading through this and it is NOT as bad as I thought it would be, it’s good! But I wish I hadn’t abandoned so many sw fics, people have been so NICE, and it just feels like I’ve let them down. But I can’t even remember my original ending plans for so much of it and Disney continuing to leech all the joy and energy out of the series hasn’t helped either. But I am still insisting that I’ll be back one day. I will.

[notwithout-mymuse]

Ok so how’s this for a ‘secret’ theory:

I’m probably utterly insane but still, humour me.

So… season 4 opens probably a few weeks after season 3 left off, with soft, domestic just-engaged, deliriously happy Tarlos. Insert this scene here:

I’m thinking a soft morning just-woke-up-together scene, but honestly it could be anything.

Later in the episode we see Carlos meeting Andrea for lunch mid-shift pre-frog apocalypse.

Only, what’s so important that she had to meet him while he’s in the middle of a shift? Maybe because she wanted to talk to him alone? (cause we all know off-duty Tarlos are joined at the hip).

Here, we get our first hint at the big secret. We realise that whatever it is, Andrea knows and is trying to convince Carlos that he needs to let TK in on the secret now that they’re engaged. Insert this line here:

Then, the conversation gets interrupted by the disaster of the week, and the audience is left wondering.

Sometime later we get excited TK in wedding planning mode, probably featuring a lot of this smug playful face:

Only this time, the audience senses that Carlos is hesitating, maybe thinking about his mother’s warning, but it’s not the time or place to have that conversation (and maybe disaster of the week part 2 is kicking off), so again the audience is left wondering.

Very much this scene from S2 kinda vibes, where Carlos (bless his cotton socks) thinks he’s being smooth and subtle in his deflections, but he’s really, REALLY not and TK starts to realise that something is up:

Then we skip ahead to this angsty-looking scene:

I mean, think about this from TK’s perspective, with his past and previous traumas. The show literally opened with him getting his heart broken over a marriage proposal. If this poor little poppet starts suspecting that Carlos is hesitating when it comes to them getting married, that’s gotta reopen a whole lot of old emotional scars.

I still can’t work out which order I think the two photos from this scene will fall, but either way I think it becomes - if not an argument - then at least a very emotionally charged conversation (in which we will charge Ronen and Rafa for our therapy bills after) where TK says something along the lines of ‘if you don’t want to marry me then just say so’.

And Carlos, unable to bear the thought that TK thinks he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life with him blurts out the truth:

He can’t marry TK. Not because he doesn’t want that with all his heart..

But because he’s already married.

BOOM. MIC DROP. RIP lone star fandom 2020-2023. Of course the ep ends on a cliffhanger so that we all have to suffer for a whole week without answers. Hence the “gasp-inducing revelation”.

HOWEVER (stay with me here) I don’t think it will be quite as straight-forward as like ‘oh here’s an ex boyfriend I never mentioned before and oops we got married’. For one thing, there doesn’t seem to have been anyone cast who would fit that role, and that would be the obvious route for the story to go, for TK to meet this ex - accidentally or otherwise because DRAMA. Also, how would Andrea know if TK is the first of Carlos’ partners that she has met?

But also, you know who has a role in all of this that we haven’t really been able to figure out yet?

Iris.

Again, stay with me here…

Given that we know that Carlos came out as gay at 17 and has never been suggested to be anything else, I’m pretty sure he would not have married Iris out of love.

However, Carlos has been presented as someone who cares deeply about the people around him, who will do anything to help someone in need, and who struggles with not being able to make things better for people.

So what if Iris didn’t need someone to marry her out of love. What if she needed someone to marry her because she was desperate?

Remember - the last time we saw Iris she was homeless, penniless, traumatised and extremely mentally unwell. But in the new stills she looks in much better health. So who has been making sure that Iris is taken care of financially - her unemployed sister? Her retirement-age mother? And we have no evidence that either of them are even still alive or around to help - if they killed Gwyn off why not Michelle - especially if Liv Tyler is definitely not coming back which looks likely.

So who has been paying what are presumably exorbitant medical fees? It’s not likely that she had medical insurance after living on the streets with no job. But what if she had a ‘husband’ - one with a stable job, decent income, and presumably good health insurance benefits?

Only it would have to be a secret, wouldn’t it?Because the marriage is fraudulent, and Carlos is literally an officer of the law.

Of course this makes me wonder about time frame (always a risky thing with shows like this), but I’m wondering if it happened during the Tarlos break-up era. If Carlos thought there was no chance of reuniting with TK - and lord knows the poor boy wasn’t moving on no matter what he said - then what would be the harm in pretend marrying a friend for a little while so that she could get help?

Nothing. Until TK comes back, and proposes of course!

And understandably TK would have grounds to be upset about Carlos not letting him know what was going on (which is what I think Carlos’ real ‘slip-up’ is, rather than the marriage itself) but given everything that happened after the reunion - with Gwyn dying, TK nearly relapsing, the Sadie drugging, Owen’s cancer scare and a building nearly crushing him - I can see why it might have been difficult to casually slip a sham marriage into the conversation!

Ultimately though, the solution is simple. If Iris is doing as well as she seems, then explain the situation, get the marriage annulled - problem solved!

Which is what I think this scene is about, given that everyone seems happy. (Side note: I think that the image of them in the same clothes where TK looks worried, and Carlos seems to be comforting him could be from before Iris arrives and TK is nervous about how she might respond).

But it’s all fine, she’s happy for them and they make arrangements.

Only, DUN DUN DUN plot twist! Something happens to Iris (probably linking back to some other plot that has been bubbling away in the background) and she goes missing/needs rescuing first:

Anddddd, that’s all I got.

[sunriseverse]

If you're still interested in these asks 4 for 'the water remains water' and 9 please?

of course! i’m always interested in ask memes, especially ones about writing :)

4: What detail in [insert fic] are you really proud of?

ah, for the water remains water, probably the second portion and slowly showing xiaoge’s shifting mental state! i think i did a decent job, and i’m very happy with how it turned out. i think that sort of thing (capturing an evolution in self-conceptualisation) is hard to pull off, and i think i wouldn’t have been able to do it justice even just last year, but i’ve improved enough as a writer to be able to handle it now, and that’s something i’m very proud of.

9: How do you find new fic to read?

i am a serial tag stalker. i probably check my favourite tags a minimum of once every two days. i’ve been through the tags for my favourite pairings in entirety at least three times, with each time increasing the net of what i’m willing to read (first time i’m the most picky, but by the third time the only things i filter out are those which i am truly, 100% unwilling to even touch). in larger fandoms checking things repeatedly helps me stay on top of the tag and avoid a backlog of works i haven’t seen, though in smaller fandoms it drives me a little batty when nothing new has been posted in a week lol. i also occasionally have things recommended by friends, which increases the likelihood of me actually reading whatever it is. i used to get recommendations off of fic rec lists, but………..those seem to be a dying breed these days, unfortunately.

[indiaalphawhiskey]

Hello India,

I am a frequent reader of your blog and I have found interesting your answers to some recent asks about Harry and his relationship with the industry. I think we share the same perspective, to start with that he is not a victim and that he is a mature worker with more experience in his professional field than most of us had when we were his age.

There is an area that always confuses me from this angle and I would like to know your opinion if you wish to share it: When it comes to the stunts, how do we perceive Harry. During all these years we have witnessed he wasn't "happy" with none of them; of course, there are different "levels", I can tell how the actual is giving us the most upsetting looks in him. Also, is not the same as being an 18-year-old pushed into it as being a young adult that has evaluated his options and for many different reasons (and implications that I am not going to list but we all can consider) is now involved in one.

I try to make sense of it, stunt-couples are commonly seen for promo and other reasons too, we can recognize many "public" ones out there now and they don't concern me in a sense of "they are having a hard time" while at it. I have read how fans openly say how they "would be upset if Holivia showed a friendly bond" or how they celebrate perceiving this distance because, in the end, it is another confirmation of how fake this is. I don't know how to feel about this, I am here looking at his body language despite the situation they are in, and I only get these horrible vibes.

All these public appearances are brief. On one hand, I think he can anticipate them, get ready, they are planned, he is an actor, he knows, he is aware of it; and on the other hand, why does he have to even pretend? maybe he really doesn't want to fake it, maybe this is his way of showing his discomfort towards it or the industry, or as those fans said, to let us know this is not his thing. Bottom line, should I be worried? what is your take on it?

Thank you and sorry for the long ask

Hi, darling!

Wow, okay, lots of interesting conversations in my inbox today. Let me preface this by saying that I’m not (and never have been) in the habit of telling people how to feel. The fandom, and larries, are not a monolith (I think Twitter has proved that extensively) and I think we have to be very aware that there is no right/wrong way to perceive or emotionally react to the narratives we’re being fed. We’re human, we’re going to feel things — unique, rational, irrational things. We can’t help it. We hold onto thoughts that comfort us, and are triggered by thoughts that make us sad or uncomfortable. What’s important is that, whether happy or sad, we each self-soothe in a way that doesn’t hurt ourselves or others, and when it gets to the point where it might, we know when to walk away.

So, in line with that, I’m not here to tell you how you should feel, but I’ll tell you how I feel about stunts, and anything that fits you can take, and anything that doesn’t you can leave behind. 🙂

Harry is 28 years old and has been in this industry for 12 years. It’s naive to think he plays no active part in arranging, negotiating, or participating in stunts — this is his life. More than anything, I would think that that was one of the big negotiating points of his solo contracts: that he would have some level of control over these things. You can see the shift in control in subtle things, like the way he very rarely confirms a stunt relationship (I can only recall the Zack Lowe interview) and how, for as much as he can help it, his stunts are kept off of social media which at least somehow limits the use of it as online fodder (something that can’t be said for other stars, like Camilla and Shawn).

But like I mentioned before, multiple things can be true at the same time, and one truth that I think is important to get comfortable with is that there’s a lot we’ll never know. We’ll never really know just how much leverage and negotiating power Harry has over these narratives or how his stunts are selected. We’ll never know what freedoms and priorities he deems important enough that he’s willing to exchange participation for. We’ll never really know how he feels about his closet in relation to his career. We’ll never really really really know how he feels about his stunt partners (although we can read body language and actively compare that to people we know he chooses to spend time with, we have to admit: we don’t actually know and we’re always looking at things with personal bias attached.)

Personally, I think that Harry is a good person, and that he’s kind and professional, and whatever common ground he can find with O for example, comes from the place of wanting to act appropriately and professionally (I’ve personally worked with a handful of truly awful people, and I have put on a fake smile and treated them like a person just like every adult has had to do, because while I can’t control how awful people are, I can control how I am perceived in a professional environment.)

Alongside Harry being a people pleaser (he just admitted to it yesterday) he’s also smart, and smart people (who have experience in this industry and know how much personal reputation matters) will not be petty enough to burn bridges when there is no need. That said, even the best actors are human and have their limits. I think Harry is very aware of the difference between fans who will accept what they’re told on the surface, and those that will dig deeper (see: his quote about the doors as clues), and that’s why I think he doesn’t try too hard to sell his stunts because he knows the people who believe it believe it, lackluster participation or not, and those who want to see beyond it will already know what he looks like when he’s truly happy and comfortable.

TL;DR — there’s a lot we’ll never know about how Harry feels about stunting and the extent of his “freedom” within these constraints. He acts appropriately and professionally around a person who is essentially a colleague, but as we know, Harry’s natural charm can easily be misconstrued. I think if you take a moment to really think about why you might worry, you’ll find the answer isn’t actually rooted in how he does or does not participate in the stunt but rather in the honest discomfort that you’ll never be 💯 certain of anything (and I mean literally anything), and that’s not a great feeling (nor is the constant gaslighting by the people around us easy to swallow), but that’s reality. Trust your gut. There’s a reason you looked into Larry and became a Larrie, and it wasn’t because of a visual narrative or the pics-and-quotes-or-it-didn't-happen "stone cold facts" print media was selling you. 😉

[spilledkauffie]

Game Night

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader Word Count: 2.2k T/W: fluff A/N: Part 2 of Bingo — a few months later

I am SO SORRY this took me way longer to post than it should have!

Bucky Tag List: @anreeixcobra ❤︎ @tsnelf7 ❤︎ @fandom-princess-forevermore​

It was Friday night, which meant one thing: Game Night. Ever since Yori introduced you at Bingo, you made it a tradition in your relationship to play board games on Fridays. For the most part you kept it to fairly modern games, but tonight was going to be a surprise.

Tonight it was your place, 8 o’clock. Bucky showed up with a six pack of root-beer in glass bottles. You added a few to the fridge as he found his usual seat at your apartment table. He waited for you to round the small apartment’s bar and join him. Sliding the glass bottles across the table to Bucky, you smiled, biting in your bottom lip, as he slid your bottle back, now without its top.

Easily he popped the top off his own bottle with his left hand; it was as he was about to take a sip that he caught sight of your look, “what?” he furrowed his eyebrows, questionably. 

“So. . . tonight,” you tried not to giggle.

“What?” Bucky asked again, this time finding himself following your smile despite his will not to.

“Tonight is going to be special,” you clasped your hands together, “because I found some stuff that’s as old as you.”

“Wow, thanks,” Bucky said sarcastically, taking a sip, shaking his head, blinking softly as he saw you rush to convince him it would be fun. Sighing deeply, he gave in, “alright, what is it?”

“I’ll be right back,” you twirled on your heel and left the room.

Returning to shaking his head and the glass bottle, he paused after settling the bottle on the table. It’d been a long time since anyone cared about anything actually as old as him. He’d been pretty good at keeping up with the times, a lot of things he knew just got an upgrade, but the thought of something from his actual childhood felt a little heartwarming. 

“Okay,” you declared, reentering the room with a stack of vintage boxes in your arms that made Bucky lean back in his chair out of shock, “here we are.” 

His jaw dropped a little at what you had brought out as you set the stack on the table. Watching you take a deep breath and exhale with a smirk, he shook his head, this time silently asking “how?” You set your hands atop the stack, rapping your fingers across the top box as you smiled again. 

Smoothing your hands out across the box top, you cleared your throat, “no peeking,”  bringing Bucky’s attention entirely to you. 

“Option number one,” you held up the rectangular shape with severely faded letters across it, “Scrabble, released 1938.” The box very gently met the table, “option number two,” you looked at him attempting not to giggle as you saw him cross his arms over his chest, genuinely listening to you intently, “Sorry! released 1934, Battleship, original pen and paper game,” you clarified, he lifted his eyebrows, impressed, “and last but not least, Monopoly, released 1935.”

“Wow, you uh- you really did your research,” he commented, looking over the stack of authentically vintage boxes.

“Of course,” you shrugged with a smile, “my boyfriend’s 106, if I want to bring back some childhood nostalgia, that requires some research. . . and late hour ebay bidding in our case.”  

He nodded, a faint smile showing, before it faded with his next words, “I hope you didn’t do too much research on me,” he looked up, hand resting on Monopoly.

You calmly slid down into the seat across from him and stared with a kind smile still on your lips, reaching to touch his hand, you stroked your thumb against his knuckles, “I’m more of a first hand account, direct source, kind of girl when it comes to people,” the corner of his mouth tugged into a smile. 

You knew, just not everything, and he wasn’t sure he was prepared to have another living soul know it all quite yet. Luckily, you were someone who seemed to actually understand that.

“Or,” you announced, lifting a pointer finger, as if requesting a pause whilst you went to a nearby drawer, returning with a much smaller box, “we can get really really old school, even for you” the box met the table top, “standard 52 card deck, English edition, circa 1516. . .obviously not original.”

Bucky chuckled, looking to you, tonguing his cheek, before picking up the cards, “I hate to tell you, but that’s just a little before my time,” he squinted at you, teasingly.

Biting your lip, your shoulders shifted with the giggle that came after his comment, “so, come on,” you sat back down, this time with your elbows on the table and hands laced, to support your resting chin on top of them, “what should I beat your butt in?”

“Oh,” Bucky, attempting to appear insulted, began raising his eyebrows, “you think?”

“Yeah,” you laughed your words while looking at his serious face, “I think, better yet, I know.”

“Well, I don’t know where you get your confidence from. You know you are talking to a local senior Bingo night champion,” he shrugged with a head tilt, as if that was supposed to be a big deal.

“Woooow,” you drew out, smiling uncontrollably.

“But,” he sighed, “okay,” he shook his head once, accepting your challenge, “let’s go, you’re on! Monopoly,” he brought the box towards himself as you set the others on the floor next to your chair.

You watched as he picked up the little metal pieces, examining each one individually. There was an expression you’d never seen before, he was remembering something positive from his past. A memory that sparked a smile that you helped bring about. He surveyed the board, with all its bright colours and familiar street names.

“It’s been-” he paused, looking upward, doing the math in his head, “it’s been 85 years since I played this game,” setting each piece he stopped at the boat, laughing to himself, “you know, Steve used to always be the battleship.” 

A soft smile came across your lips, while you watched him remember exactly how to set it up. You picked the Scottie dog and he picked the vintage race car piece.

“Were you always the race car?” you ventured, wanting to know more about his childhood, you knew he didn’t talk about it often.

“Oh,” he glanced to the piece he had just naturally picked up without a thought, “yeah, well, I think,” he gave a quick, but somber smile, before clearing his throat, and actually looking up, “and my sister, whenever she’d actually manage to get mom and dad to let her stay up with us, she’d always be the thimble,” he leaned back in his chair, smiling, “whenever it was her turn to move she’d put it on her finger and hop it down the street names.” He leaned back to the table, “we never made her go to jail, even if she landed on it, Steve would make up some rule that let her skip it.” 

“That’s really sweet of you guys,” you said, looking softly at his smile.

“Yeah,” he swallowed, “but don’t think you can skip jail,” he changed his tone, preferring not to dwell on the past even if it was positive. 

“Don’t think I’ll be visiting,” you smirk confidently, “better watch out for the money man yourself.” 

“Wow, who is this?” he dropped his jaw, “she’s so sarcastic, does Yori know this side of you? Do you sneak jellybeans under the table or something evil like that?”

Laughing, you took your root-beer, “just give me my $1,500 so the smack down can actually begin.”

Two hours later, after a long battle between Boardwalk, control over the railroads, and many, many visits to jail, you sat back, lips quirked, arms across your chest as your little Scottie sat in jail.

“And three thousand, six hundred, and five. . . I’m sorry, but that leaves you,” Bucky set his elbows on the table, wincing at you, “bankrupt.”

“Fine,” you huffed jokingly, giving your best pout,“you win.”

“Aww, c’mon,” Bucky reached out a hand to touch your forearm comfortingly, accompanied by a smile you couldn’t deny.

“You wanna go again?” You offered seriously, resting your hand on top of his tenderly, happy to see him so happy.

“It was really fun, but let’s play something else, this time you pick,” he offered.

Breaking into a smile, you gave a nod, and he asked what you had in mind. It took a moment, you wanted to make this good, and you wanted to see it be a little more of a struggle for him, if you were honest. 

“You know, I know it’s later than your. . .original timeline, but there’s this fantastic game called Twister,” you smirked, perking an eyebrow to ask if he was up for it. 

“Twister?” He repeated you, tilting his head like a confused puppy, “what’s Twister?”

“I’ll show you, but,” you glanced over to your small apartment living room, “we might need to arrange the furniture a little.”

“Don’t worry,” Bucky stood, “I can handle that.” 

Smiling, you stand, “okay, just push it all to one side, I’ll get the game.” 

Ten minutes later, shoeless, you both stood looking over the polka dotted sheet on the floor. Nodding happily to yourself, Bucky shook his head almost in fear. 

“Make sense?” You asked, having just explained the very simple rules, you turned to face him.

“Oh, I’m sorry I asked,” he sighed, shouldering off his jacket and tossing it onto the couch along with his glove, “yeah, it makes sense,” he set his hands on his hips, pondering this new game intently. 

“Okay, you first,” you held up the spinning arrow, and began.

One hand and foot at a time, sometimes struggling to reach the spinner, but you both made it work pretty well. Having kept to one side of the sheet, it came time to get a smidge more twisted.

Bucky managed to keep balanced and spin a green dot with his left arm, conveniently it placed him right over you. As he began to reach for green, he carefully calculated how best to approach the green dot in order to keep his balance. It was a pretty far reach and he’d need to balance himself whilst reaching over you. 

“What’s the matter old man, can’t quite move like you used to?” you shamelessly giggled. 

Raising his eyebrows at your tone, “ohhh, wow,” Bucky said sincerely, finally placing his left arm over you and to a green dot, now above you he tilted his head sassily, “respect your elders.”

His last sentence only made your giggle turn into a genuine laugh. You closed your eyes and threw your head back a little. Admittedly, Bucky thought it was funny too, but he didn’t laugh, he just took in your smile and the sound of your laugh, enjoying every single moment of it.

When you brought your head back up, you were about to respond sassily, but instead you found his lips meeting yours. With a small squeak of surprise, you relaxed into the kiss, glad that he was finally confident enough with you to take a chance now and then. He tasted like vanilla root beer, which mixed wonderfully with the scent of his cologne you were finally close enough to smell. 

It was soft and slow at first, but slowly, with his right hand palming the arch of your back, you eased into his touch, lower back almost meeting the floor as you both sunk down a little. You completely forgot about the game, as you reached your arms around his neck gently. Keeping the kiss close, you felt him hesitate to deepen it, so you gave him a small sign of encouragement, by moving your hand to the side of his neck, naturally bringing him even closer. 

You had no idea how long you’d been there, on that polka dot sheet, but it was such bliss that you didn’t even care. Smiling into the kiss, you felt him smile back. 

Parting, he pressed his forehead to yours, “I win,” he whispered, lips in a smile. 

“What?” was all you could ask, still mesmerised by the kiss. 

Bucky motioned his head to his left arm which happened to have been keeping the two of you steady. . . all the while remaining on the green dot. You dropped your arms from around his neck, to the floor, elbows supporting you as you looked up at him, shaking your head. 

“That does not count, Bucky,” you tried not to smile as he kept his arm as still as possible.

“What? But my hand’s still on green,” he dramatically gestured to it, making you bite your lip to repress a giggle, trying to match his seriousness.

Shoving his chest directly above you, he feigned an ‘ow!’ before you softly pull him closer again.

“If I kiss you are you gonna hit me again?”

You smirk, “I might if you don’t.” 

Bucky smiled, lips almost touching yours, “alright, sorry,” he smiled, voice almost a whisper as his lips brushed against yours, “I’m still learning the rules to this game.”

[makeste]

but I just feel too tired to be fighting

this is a follow-up post to what I said in my recap the other day about this arc being the Deku Angst arc, as opposed to the Villain Hunt arc or the Deku SIXQUIRKS Exhibition arc. I feel like the fandom discussion tends to focus on the flashier parts of the chapters -- the sexy villains and the new quirk reveals and the Shindous -- each week, and so the quieter emotional beats sometimes get overlooked, especially since the character arc here is playing out in little bits and pieces over time rather than all at once.

this has always been a very reactionary fandom, and there’s a tendency to judge the chapters week to week without ever going back to look at how they all fit into the big picture. so I figured I would try to attempt that, and basically go chapter by chapter here to look at what exactly Horikoshi is setting up and how it all fits together.

so let’s start with the end of chapter 306, which is when the arc officially kicks off. specifically with the very last page:

this is imo one of the best pages Horikoshi has ever drawn. I got the sense that this was a scene he’d had in his mind’s eye for quite a long time, and that he was excited to finally get to this part of the story. it’s extremely effective as both a chapter-ender, and an arc-opener. like, look at this:

it establishes the initial premise of the new arc -- the world is in chaos, and Deku is now seemingly on his own

it leaves the readers with a number of questions. why did Deku leave U.A.?? is he really on his own now?? why does he look so beat-up and exhausted?? what is he up to?? what is the world like now that all these villains have been unleashed and the heroes have been decimated?? and most importantly of all, what the fuck is going to happen next??

it pays homage to some of Horikoshi’s comic book influences -- Batman in particular

it dramatically hits us with that “THE FINAL ACT BEGINS” and lets us know that shit is getting real now

that’s some good shit. so much so that I think people tended to overlook the other notable thing about this page amidst all of the initial excitement and discussion and speculation about where the series was headed. and that is the fact that the final panel in this chapter is NOT the panel of Deku standing above the city. the very last panel, the one that this chapter actually ends on, is instead the close-up of Deku’s face. his face, which is covered in shadow; and his eyes, which have dark circles under them and are prominently missing the usual flecks of light that give him his signature “sunny optimistic shounen protagonist” look.

not to mention this last line here, which is a call back to the very first time we saw the 14-year-old Deku way back in chapter one.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Horikoshi chose to throw this reference in. nor is it a coincidence that THIS is the scene he actually chose to end the chapter on. what this does is show us the drastic shift in Deku’s emotional state of mind, and his attitude towards being a hero. he’s gone from being thrilled and excited to being jaded and exhausted. he’s matured, but at a great cost. it’s always been his dream to be a hero, but “be careful what you wish for” is a popular adage for a reason. and right now he looks the furthest thing from happy.

and this is the emotional beat that Horikoshi chooses to end the chapter on. this is the panel that closes out the War arc, and begins the final act. to me the message could not be clearer -- this arc will be about the exploration of Deku’s character, and his struggle as he tries to live up to the expectations that have been placed on him as the Last Holder of OFA and quite possibly the World’s Only Hope.

it’s a character arc that builds on a lot of the things we’ve already learned about Deku over the course of the series, such as the fact that he is reckless, and that he focuses on others often at the expense of himself. but more importantly, it’s an arc that finally expands on the dark side of what has up until now been a net positive for Deku -- the power of OFA. up until this point, despite its ups and downs, it’s been a boon for Deku overall and has allowed him to pursue his dream. but now we’re finally reaching the point where the monkey’s paw part of the OFA blessing/curse finally starts to come into play. OFA gives Deku more power than he could have ever dreamed of, but it also comes with a built-in destiny that he can’t opt out of whether he likes it or not. AFO is on the loose and out there trying to destroy the world. and now everyone has pinned their hopes on this sixteen-year-old kid, and the question of whether or not the sixteen-year-old kid is ready is apparently not one that anyone feels inclined to ask (possibly because they’re afraid that the answer might be “no”).

he doesn’t have a choice in the matter. he has to do it, because there’s no one else who can. that’s the kind of pressure that is on Deku now.

and on that note, we begin the Deku Angst arc.

chapter 307

this in hindsight was mostly just a set-up chapter to better establish the current state of the BnHA world at large (spoilers: it’s not good), while also providing an answer for one of the big initial questions of the arc -- namely, “what happened to all of those villains that AFO released from Tartarus?” these are important things to touch on, but the pacing could definitely have been better, and the bulk of the chapter was dedicated to providing fanservice to all of the Shindou fans who spammed the most recent popularity poll (which, whatever lol). anyway, so this was the sole chapter thus far with absolutely no Deku development. thankfully the arc picks up from there.

chapter 308

on to the next one! this was the one and only chapter thus far which I think actually qualifies as an “exhibition fight.” this was definitely all about showing off Deku’s current powerset, as well as introducing us to another of the SIXQUIRKS. however, there was Deku development here as well, most notably in this scene:

this is the scene that got a lot of people speculating that this arc was going to focus on Deku hunting down all of the old villains. but I think people got so caught up in that speculation that they overlooked what this scene tells us about Deku’s mindset. and yes, there is new information being revealed here, and it’s not just a rehash of the stuff we already knew. like yes, we know that Deku was shaken up by the recent encounters with Dabi and Tomura, and we know that made him start questioning why villains become villains in the first place, and all that good stuff, and that’s great. however, there are two additional important things that this scene helps establish for us.

the upcoming battle with TomurAFO is weighing heavily on Deku’s mind. this is something that will become a recurring theme in this arc. Deku is thinking about this constantly. the question of what to do when he finally encounters TomurAFO again is knocking incessantly at the back of his mind, and this won’t be the last time it comes up.

Deku is using these villain encounters as test runs. can Tomura be redeemed?? is he just being stupid and naïve?? or is this really something worth attempting?? the interesting thing about this is that Deku’s resolve to save people is usually so strong and unwavering that it’s more than enough to overcome any doubts that he might have. but this time it seems like the repeated objections posed by the Vestiges and Gran Torino have really gotten to him. it’s possible I’m just reading way too much into things, but to me it really feels like Deku’s recent attempts at Talk no Jutsu were meant to do more than just show his growing awareness that the line between heroes and villains is thinner than he once imagined. they’re also serving as trial runs for the real test, when it finally comes. if he can “save” even a villain like Muscular, there’s hope for him being able to save Tomura as well. and so that moment when Muscular rejects him out of hand is all the more disappointing to him, even if it wasn’t really unexpected. basically it wasn’t the answer that he had been hoping for.

aside from those little notes though, like I said, this was unquestionably an exhibition fight first and foremost. which is fine; we needed to establish where Deku is currently in terms of strength, and it was also just fun to see him kick some ass, ngl. in terms of story purpose this chapter was similar to 219, which showed us how Shouto and Katsuki had powered up after getting their provisional licenses. people who don’t care about those characters might argue that these fights weren’t necessary, but as someone who stans all three characters hard, I would disagree! but anyways, moving on.

chapter 309

in contrast to the previous chapter, this chapter focuses more on establishing Deku’s current mental state, as opposed to his physical state. and this is what we learn:

(1) Deku is ~technically~ being shadowed/accompanied by All Might and the Hawksquad (but in practice he’s avoiding them).

(2) it was Deku’s own decision to leave U.A., and he did it because he didn’t want anyone else getting hurt in order to protect him.

and finally, (3) Deku’s game plan is to stop Tomura and All for One before they reach full power.

this last part is very important, because it means there’s a countdown in effect. as far as Deku is concerned, there’s only a finite amount of time before TomurAFO becomes unstoppable. which means that he’s not only under “gotta get stronger” pressure, but time pressure as well. he doesn’t have the luxury of taking his time and training in safety. he’s being rushed now; this is do-or-die.

this chapter is also the first in this arc in which we get to see Deku’s expressions without the hood covering up his face, and what we see is very telling. as previously stated, the light is gone from Deku’s eyes. he keeps his expressions very neutral, and the only time we even see a hint of a smile is when he hugs his mom in the flashback, and it’s clear from the dialogue (“it’s okay, I’ll come home to you”) that he’s doing it for her sake in order to comfort her.

but aside from that, this is very much not the Deku we’ve grown accustomed to. this is the chapter that really establishes his current mental state imo. above all else, he’s afraid that more people will get hurt because of him, and so he’s distancing himself from everyone around him. and he’s also morbidly preoccupied with the inevitability of having to face TomurAFO again, and soon. the chapter ends on the flashback of Gran giving him his cape, and telling Deku that “killing can be another way to save someone.” there’s a lot on this kid’s mind, to say the least.

chapter 310

this chapter opens with a gang of civilians who are trying to open fire on a nice fox lady whose only crime was walking around in the rain at night. Deku intervenes to save her, and it’s the first time in this arc that we see anything close to the “old” Deku, who just wanted to save people with a smile.

but it’s bittersweet, because all the lady can talk about is how scared she was, and how horrible everything is right now. and so Deku, who feels responsible in a lot of ways for everything that’s happened, just feels that much more pressure to somehow make things right again.

there’s also this extra throwaway line which is especially heartbreaking:

“I can’t afford to be around anyone.” fucking ouch. just reinforcing once more how incredibly isolated Deku is right now -- not by choice, but because he feels like it’s not safe to let anyone else get close to him. and so he’s out here running around this dystopian cityscape in the middle of the night in the pouring rain all on his own, and neglecting himself to the point where All Might practically has to force a bento on him.

but does he complain? of course not. because his focus is never on himself. instead, when he settles down to eat, his thoughts immediately drift back to, guess who...

it’s that time pressure once again. “unless I draw out One for All’s full power, I can’t stop any of this.” it’s just nonstop, I have to get stronger, I’m running out of time, I have to do better, and constantly thinking about that inevitable confrontation.

Deku is a thinker, you guys. and when left to his own devices he will overthink, every time. his mind will run in endless loops while he mentally works his way through all of the possibilities. and that’s one of his greatest strengths, don’t get me wrong, but at a time like this it’s also one of his greatest weaknesses. it’s just so fucking easy for him to get stuck in his own head, in his endless rambling thoughts and analyses. and without anyone else there to help distract him, or help him focus, he’s become fixated on his mission, and it’s slowly consuming him.

this, incidentally, is also the chapter in which we finally see Two and Three’s faces, and learn why Two in particular is so reluctant to lend his power to Deku. he appears to be the lone holdout at this point, so stay tuned on that, because I don’t doubt this will wind up being crucial to Deku’s future development, however it winds up playing out.

chapter 311

this chapter flips back to the Hawksquad for the first half, so we get a brief respite from the ongoing Dekuangst. right before we switch back though, we do get confirmation of something we had pretty much already guessed:

like, that much was already apparent based on what we’d seen (the bags under his eyes; the fact that he refused to sit still in any one place for very long even at night), but it’s always nice to get the official confirmation so that people can’t dispute it lol. so yeah, Deku isn’t sleeping much. and not eating much either, if all he’s getting is the occasional bento from Dadmight. so basically not taking care of himself at all, huge shocker there. but this is something that’s important enough to the story that Horikoshi took the time to point it out in the dialogue, in addition to all of the visual clues we’d already gotten.

and just in case we needed to drive that point in any further, this chapter ends with the appearance of Lady Nagant! like yeah, no shit Deku isn’t getting much sleep, what with him having to fend off racist civilians and hired assassins every five fucking minutes. smdh. can he live??

chapter 312

so this is the chapter that properly introduces Lady Nagant, who maaaay or may not be one of the primary antagonists of this arc?? like, it’s really unclear right now tbh, but she gets hyped up by Hawks and AFO, and has a flashback and a mysterious past and a weird trump card (where did you go, Overhaul) and all that good shit, so yeah? one can hope at any rate.

but anyway. so to his credit, Deku’s first thought is to retreat, but he quickly abandons that plan once he figures out Nagant’s location. this is played off like a logical strategic decision at first, but the subsequent chapter quickly makes it clear that Deku’s decision to take the fight to Nagant is less rational than he might have you think.

chapter 313

so yeah. last but not least, the most recent chapter, in which Deku’s real reason for targeting Lady soon becomes apparent:

what’s more, it quickly becomes clear that he miscalculated and probably would have been better off following Hawks’s advice, seeing as he promptly gets himself shot, and subsequently realizes that AFO gave Nagant an extra quirk, something he hadn’t taken into account. but instead of cutting his losses and running at this point, he doubles down instead and not only breaks out Smokescreen, but also the Third’s quirk which he has never even used before.

it’s worth noting that both En and the Third start telling him to chill at this point, and warn him that what he’s attempting is too dangerous. but tbh if they were expecting him to listen, they haven’t been reading the same arc I’ve been reading. once again, Horikoshi makes it clear that Deku has one thing and one thing only on his mind right now.

of course. once again it all comes back to this. hunt down AFO. it doesn’t matter that he’s exhausted. it doesn’t matter that he’s just been shot twice. it doesn’t matter that Hawks, despite knowing what Deku was capable of with his OFA abilities, specifically warned him away from this one person only. it doesn’t matter that even the Vestiges are trying to tell him you’re going too fast and you’re trying to do too much and it’s too dangerous.

he just doesn’t care. long story short, the only thing that matters to Deku right now is tracking down and defeating TomurAFO. and as the person who knows him best once so aptly put it, “he doesn’t take himself into account.” and therein lies the major challenge of this arc.

and so this is where we’re currently at now. and this has been a very long post, but if nothing else, I hope I was able to get this one point across: there is absolutely no way that Deku will be able to defeat TomurAFO as he is now. not a chance in hell. somehow he’s managed the uncommon feat of waging a war of attrition against himself, which is really quite an accomplishment. he’s not taking care of himself, and he’s refusing to listen to sound advice from the people surrounding him, and is trying to skip ahead to the final boss battle before he’s ready, because the guilt and pressure from feeling responsible for the current situation are eating him up. the only way that the world can go back to normal is if he can defeat AFO; therefore he has to do it as soon as possible, because time is running out and everyone is counting on him. this is who Deku is. and this is what inevitably happens when his saving mentality is taken to extremes, and left unchecked.

anyway so to wrap up this post now, I do think this arc is a lot more cohesive than it’s gotten credit for thus far, and Deku is the glue holding it all together. I for one am loving the exploration of his character and all the subtle little angsty touches as we build up to the big moment, whenever it finally comes. just keep in mind though that if his decisions right now seem reckless and short-sighted, it’s because they’re supposed to seem that way, because Deku is not in a good mental state right now. the cracks are finally showing in our perfect protagonist, just like everyone has been wanting this whole time. he is just a kid. he is doing his best. he is trying far too hard to do his best, and it is hurting him so badly, but he doesn’t even realize. this arc is not an endorsement of the Angsty Nomad Hero lifestyle, lol. it’s the exact fucking opposite, and I think it’s being wildly misinterpreted with all of the emphasis on “oh look at that, he mastered another quirk with no effort”, as opposed to “oh look at that, he is shutting down emotionally and is a few more missed nights of sleep away from a complete and total breakdown.”

tl;dr the overarching storyline of this arc is all about Deku slowly falling apart due to his trauma from Jakku, and the subsequent pressure that was put on him by the Vestiges with their whole “GUESS WHAT, YOU’RE THE LAST USER OF OFA, THAT’S RIGHT, IT’S ALL ON YOU BUDDY” pep talk. and mark my words, things are not going to go according to plan. something is going to go terribly wrong here. whether it’s something happening to All Might, or AFO setting up a trap for him, either way Deku is being set up to fail in a major way. unless of course, someone (or a group of someones) manages to intervene first, and possibly stage an intervention or something. it’s what he needs right now, but idk if Horikoshi is going to make it that easy.

anyway, but in other words, the point of this arc is not to show how much stronger Deku has gotten and how he doesn’t even need his friends anymore. it’s the exact opposite -- the point of this arc is to show that Deku needs his friends now more than ever. that in spite of OFA and all of its mystical trappings and fancy SIXQUIRKS, Deku can’t do this alone. he needs his friends. that’s the core message. and right now, we are at the “I can get by on my own” part of the story. and the part we are all waiting for, but which is coming -- I guarantee it is coming, you guys -- is “the thing is, you don’t have to.”

and that shit is going to slap hard you guys. and I for one can’t wait. but until then, enjoy the angst.