#of course… things have been shifting in the fandom which i’m very happy about

[throwawayasoiafaccount]

Why do you think the tides have slightly turned from "Elia deserves better than Rhaegar" to shipping her and Rhaegar together? Like what is the psychology behind these people because I've seen some of them like/reblog anti Rhaegar posts while also shipping Rhaegar x Elia at the same time.

hey anon! my thoughts are a bit messy, but i’ve done my best to explain them coherently :)

so, rhaegar was the best man anyone could have when elia was alive, and most people want the best for their favs. he was considered the most handsome, didn’t have a bad personality, and he was crown prince—meaning elia was almost queen, which is often seen as the greatest role a woman can have. the narrative also treats rhaegar as a beautiful, tragic, haunting figure, and elia actually had this very aesthetically pleasing man all to herself at one point! she was married to him, had children with him, and her life was so close to perfect! but rhaegar just had to go and ruin it. 😠

for many elia stans, if rhaegar hadn’t fallen in love with another woman (they want him to have been a completely different character), then everything would’ve been perfect, and elia would’ve had the best, most desirable life. however, that’s not what happened—elia met a very tragic end, and as a result, these stans feel double the bitterness. because of this bitterness, they blame rhaegar for everything (even though it’s not logical to do so), but he’s just too ‘perfect’ to let go of. so, for years these stans have made rhaegar revolve around elia, filling his tag with posts about her out of bitterness. so, i do believe that this obsession with rhaegar x elia has always been there, but i think it’s become a more favorable stance on the elia stan side of the fandom because of a mix of reasons.

plus, rhaegar is one of the few canon relationships we know elia had, since she’s not much of a character. because of this, and the fact that most people don’t like to stray too far from canon, most elia stans are forced to focus on rhaegar, which has created an echo chamber. basically, if a sentiment about elia and rhaegar’s relationship becomes popular, then the whole elia stan side of the fandom will likely regurgitate the sentiment. (also, this desire to stick close to canon is likely why the elia x arthur ship was so popular. while it’s a total crack ship, it had good aesthetics, and since elia and arthur at least knew each other, it allowed the stans to create their perfect fanfiction whilst sticking it to rhaegar. but remember, elia was actually married to rhaegar and had children with him, so while arthur is cool, rhaegar was always ‘top dog,’ meaning arthur would never be able to match up to rhaegar to most elia stans. also, the arthur x elia crack ship is likely her second most popular ship, which just shows how little elia stans have to work with, so they’re always forced to eventually return back to rhaegar for a lot of things.)

however, even if the elia x rhaegar ship gains more popularity, these stans will never stop hating rhaegar because he wasn’t ‘perfect’—and he wasn’t perfect because he didn’t love elia. plus, rhaegar loving another woman and supposedly kidnapping her is what began the war that led to elia’s tragic death. that’s bitterness times 1000. and while i don’t actually blame rhaegar for the war, i do think that this is how an elia stan sees it. i also don’t view rhaegar’s complex relationship with elia as a bad thing—it’s actually a very realistic take on an arranged marriage between two decent people. but most elia stans will never be able to get over the fact that they almost had everything, which is why many have it out for lyanna, as they consider her a thief who ruined their ‘perfection.’

tbh, that might be why so many elia stans are so obsessed with the idea that rhaegar only got with lyanna because of the prophecy—they don’t want to believe that rhaegar actually loved a different woman and not their perfect self insert elia. that’s a bit mean of me… but i don’t know what else one would call the ‘elia’ elia stans have created.

now that i’ve laid all those thoughts out, i’ll try to explain why the tides seem to be turning… i think it may have something to do with the ‘targaryens are all evil and bad’ sentiment losing popularity. i think this shift has occurred due to a mix of factors, such as years of fandom fights and fandom cycles leading to the targs being more liked now than before. it helps that canon doesn’t actually condemn the targs/favors them quite a bit, and the influx of new targ fans from HOTD has also contributed. this combination of reasons seems to have shifted the way the mainstream fandom discusses all the targaryen characters, including rhaegar. so, with this shift, it’s only natural that some elia stans/elia x rhaegar shippers—who’ve always been there—are using this opportunity to push their agenda. while these stans still hate rhaegar and see him as the bad guy, they just can’t let go of him. and as the mainstream fandom moves away from the anti targaryen sentiment, these smaller corners of the fandom, which tend to be echo chambers, are also affected, which has therefore led to a rise in rhaegar x elia shippers and the ‘shifting tide’ that you’ve also noticed.

[ryuichirou]

I apologize if it is too personal but how do you deal with "antishipper" and the way they make callout posts and harassment campaigns against you ? It’s legitimately so scary and it makes me hesitant of posting my own art

Anon! I am very sorry you are going through this horrible feeling of hesitation and anxiety; knowing that people get targeted like that could not only stop you from posting, but stop you from creating altogether, and this is the worst part about this whole thing.

It’s not too personal, and I don’t mind talking about it at all. I’ve talked about our position and our relationship with fandom policing a bunch of times already, so I’m sorry if I’m repeating myself.

I used to be worried about posting certain stuff too. Well, when I was a teen/in my early 20s I wasn’t worried about anything: we had so much juicy stuff posted here lol But then the nsfw ban happened, and the social climate of this app and internet in general started shifting, the first stories about people driven to end their lives because of the hate they received started to come out, and we stopped posting completely. It wasn’t a huge loss to us back then, and this situation wasn’t the only reason why we stopped, but still, it clearly became much more difficult to just appear out of nowhere, throw problematic stuff in your blog and run away again.

I vividly remember us wanting to post my Shingeki no Kyojin drawings and comics based on our AUs and stuff, but not knowing what to do with Ereri – there was no way for us to be “unproblematic” (which was never a concern to us, we just didn’t want to get tons of hate lol) and still post Eren with a man twice his age. So we started posting them without a tag, starting with a drawing that wasn’t too shippy, and then miraculously the world didn’t end. That made us bolder, and we started to post them openly, and posted them for almost two years pretty regularly, alongside some of our other problematic ships + problematic themes. Of course we did get hate, we got a lot of hate while we were posting SnK stuff from all kinds of people, but what we also got a lot of people who found our content refreshing and interesting, even if it was weird and uncomfortable at times.

We weren’t the only people who shipped Ereri (let’s ignore my petty thoughts about the difference between Ereri and Rivaere for now), and we weren’t the only people in Twst fandom who liked Shroudcest, which is another ship that we were super hesitant about posting or even mentioning at first. But with all the hate around I was so certain the world was going to end the moment we post them, and that didn’t happen. The end of the world never happens, but what does happen is that people either get introduced to a fun new dynamic and get invested, or get happy that someone finally posts for the ship they were too afraid to post for. Somehow, when you see some other person being ballsy, you don’t feel as scared anymore – it happened to us with other people’s posts too. Yes, I still say this even though it spawns a bunch of callout posts and harassment, as it did with us. Were we cancelled? Yeah, somewhat. There’s so much you can say about an acc that states “problematic stuff, 18+”, right? I was super relieved and happy, actually, that a lot of people left/blocked us just because they’re the people I’d never want to interact with my art.

I’ve been yapping for a long time already lol so I’ll give you some pieces of advice instead… These are things that legitimately help us.

Surround yourself with people who support you – if not you personally, then at least your ideas (i.e. other proshippers). Luckily, nowadays it’s easier to find them… But also, having a friend who you can vent about these things to helps a lot! It’s cheesy but it’s a fact: when you’re not alone, it’s not as scary.

Always ignore comments/asks from antis and block them on sight, block anonymous asks too. Even if you really want to sass them, it’s much more effective to ignore them: when you give them attention, it invites more engagement from them.

Block people you get bad vibes from. Block those who like or comment bad takes or support harassment of others, block all of their alt accounts. It’s tedious and takes time, but it really helps to keep you hidden from them, at least to some degree. I look up Shroudcest sometimes just to block new people. They try to make fun of me for that, but who cares if it works? You can’t block everyone, but these people usually flock together and it’s usually just a bunch of friends, so taking several posts on these topics from people from the fandom and blocking everyone involved will obliterate the majority of harassers.

In terms of your safety, having multiple accounts in case you main one gets mass-reported helps + I would advice to keep irl stuff away from your fandom stuff just in case.

This is going to sound stupid, but please keep in mind that this isn’t about you. These people are very miserable and not very smart. Even if they try to paint you like a bad person, they don’t know anything about you, so don’t let their judgment affect how you feel about yourself. This is exactly what they want – to have power over you.

Stay strong and take care of yourself, i.e. lock your acc and/or take a break if you feel overwhelmed. Don’t worry, it will pass: it’s very rare for these clowns to keep focus on one person for a long period of time; they have like 5 different dramas per day. There are some absolutely batshit crazy rapid assholes who won’t leave an artist alone for years, but those are super rare and special cases altogether, I don’t think you need to be worried about those.

Keep in mind which fandom you want to do this with, btw. It’s usually okay for the most part, but if the fandom is just a bunch of kids, it’s more likely not worth it or deserves an empty account, at least. Twst is surprisingly good despite anything it might look like! Thanks to Yana being a shotacon and a creator of Kuroshitsuji, I guess. There are many great and supportive people in the twst fandom, it’s been a pleasure to be here, even though, once again, it’s the first fandom where I got a bunch of callout posts and nasty stuff in my ask (SnK fandom usually harassed me for other things).

TL;DR: it is scary, and you could easily get callout posts about yourself, but guess what, you also get to be yourself. Because realistically, callout posts can’t stop you from creating art. They want you to believe that they have power over you, but this isn’t true. Your life online won’t end after some random callout post – mine didn’t. They also don’t understand that each consequent callout post affects the person being called out even less. We do have a minor panic attack for the first hour or so, and it does involve more extra blocking, but mostly it just sours our mood for the day and drops our morale. I still draw, though, out of spite a little lol Oh, and do try to report these types of posts if you get them, there’s nothing wrong with that.

People had been persecuted for their art and ideas for centuries, so what happens now is really nothing new. Without diving into specifics, there are way worse things they could do than writing callouts, but they aren’t super likely to do those. Luckily.

Take care of yourself, but also please don’t doubt yourself; when it comes to your art being way too fun for lovers of censorship to handle, you’re in a very good company. I’m referring to all the artist and writers of this world btw and not just me and Katsu lol but us as well!

[hauntedgrin]

An unnecessarily thorough analysis of the Tarot imagery in Merlin Season One by an amateur tarot reader

(who is also a hopeless romantic and is currently very affected by the disaster that is BBC Merlin)

I started watching Merlin around two months ago. I fell in love with the show instantly, even if I technically haven't finished it yet because of time reasons (though I did spoil myself everything right to the ending and I’m devastated. Still trying to find courage to start season 5. But that’s beside the point)

There was something in the first season that caught my eye and hasn't let me go since. In fact, I was thinking about it today, went on a search for discussions about it, fully under the assumption that this is something the fandom noticed long beforehand is a well-known fact. To my endless surprise, I’ve found no mention! Nada! Not a single one. That won’t do, I thought. I have to share with the people. It's something that fueled my conviction in Merlin the Show being a love story between Merlin and Arthur (whatever the nature of that love may be, I love both the platonic and romantic interpretation equally, though this specific instance could be leaning towards romance somewhat more, I'll explain it in a second) and here it is.

It's this scene.

It is Merlin and Arthur, facing each other with two cups in between them, trying to decide who is going to drink the poison, sacrifice himself and save the other. And I thought Oh my god, tarot symbolism.

That's the card, the Two of Cups. The similarities are obvious (and, in my opinion, very intentional. I’d like to kiss whoever came up with this specific creative decision)

Slight disclaimer: Tarot reading can be very subjective, meanings shift depending on the reader and their perception of the card. I’ll try to be objective with the main aspects of the cards, but there is a lot of subjective opinions too. It’s okay if you disagree)

The main meanings of this card are partnerships, loving relationships, mutual attraction, unity, harmony and, you guessed it!, soulmates. It’s not hard to see why that card would have been chosen to represent them. I think that’s the most outright the show’s ever been about calling them soulmates, without hiding behind labels such as ‘each other’s destiny’ and ‘two sides of one coin’ as if those are any less gay. There is also themes of equality and becoming one, mutual respect and, in certain cases passion and sexual attraction (though it’s not a definition that is applicable in all cases, and can absolutely be ignored for platonic or asexual relationships, it’s still one of the main aspects, given that its represented by, you know, the big red head of a lion with wings right at the top of the card. Can’t exactly forget about it.)

Personally I've always preferred the Two of Cups to The Lovers tarot card (which looks very similar and has some intersections in themes, also concerning love, intimacy, passion). Plus, The Lovers is part of the Major Arcana, so technically it should be more impactful, ‘epic’, someone said, divine. While doing some research into that distinction I've found why exactly it makes me a bit queasy. The Lovers are not always a card about love, in fact, more often it isn’t. And The Lovers aren't made for each other. That is to say, they obviously are, considering the entirety transparent Adam and Eve imagery (and this also makes it a more conservative card, with clear molds for a ‘traditional relationship’). The Lovers are brought together by a higher power, made for a purpose. It serves something. It is a message. It is a lesson. It's a choice between what you want and what you need. It is a partnership, often intense, out of this world, but it’s also about all the factors in between, the things that unite them, the snake, the temptation, the apple, the garden. It can be also about soulmates, and happy relationships, of course, about fated lovers… and mortal enemies. It actually is more in line with Merlin’s and Morgana’s relationship. Out of this world fated connection? Absolutely, guaranteed. Do you want that kind of connection though, really?

How is this relevant, you might be thinking?

Well, there is no such divine power pushing the couple portrayed by the Two of Cups. In fact, they are choosing each other. It’s only them and their union. That’s why I like it so much. They are only the way they are, not the way they are meant to be, not specifically made for each other and yet they are right for each other anyway. And, somehow, just being them is enough. Is that not love?

In Merlin we are told that Merlin and Arthur are a part of each other’s destiny. The Once and Future King and Emrys, his protector, uniting Albion, prophesized by some unnamed seer(s). Does not seem very much like a choice, does it? I guess it depends on the way you view the prophecy and destiny in the show. Is it really all inevitable, and destiny is set in stone, unable to be changed, all leading to the same end, no matter what you do? Or is it the choices themselves that are the constants, fixed in place by the prophecy fulfilling itself? I think the answers to those questions are entirely up to each viewer, and that we can only speculate on it, and never know for sure which was it. Maybe there isn’t a right answer at all. But what I do know is there was a choice Merlin and Arthur made. Let’s return to the imagery on the card..

The couple is exchanging the cups. They are not just toasting – they are performing a ritual, a ceremony. Like exchanging rings, like giving vows. It’s a promise, it’s a connection, it’s a new step, it’s a commitment. And the parallels of the scene in 1x11 don’t end with just imagery. Merlin and Arthur complete the ritual! In the show!

In the episode 1x04, The Poisoned Chalice, Merlin starts the ritual by drinking from Arthur’s poisoned goblet, which he does to protect him. I would also like to add that this is the first time Two Cups appear that season (that's twice they used the imagery), notably, two ceremonial goblets that are supposed to symbolize peace and partnership between two kingdoms. Even if it doesn’t represent the actual state of the two kingdoms, it definitely shows King Bayard’s genuine desire for a peaceful alliance. And Merlin drinks from one of them!

Merlin drinks poison for Arthur and in Labyrinth of Gedref, Arthur drinks ‘poison’ for Merlin in turn. Very unconventional way to get married, I must say, but it’s remarkable that they do it in the same way (even if not at the same time).

So. What does all of that tell us about Merlin and Arthur?

We’ve established that the card signifies a very close, strong and significant relationship, chosen by both parties. Again, I like that it emphasizes the choice, that they didn’t just fall into the friendship because of destiny (even if it aided them). The Two of Cups is a part of the Minor Arcana, which deals with the every day matters, earthly lives. Is that not fitting? Merlin didn’t choose The Once and Future King, he chose Arthur, and Arthur didn’t choose Emrys, he chose Merlin.

Merlin’s who been promised a peaceful future. A land where magic is free. Merlin, who knows what’s supposed to happen: The Once and Future King brings that future. The King dies. Merlin, who has a choice to bring that future. To save Mordred. To remove the ban on magic. He doesn’t choose that, he chooses to essentially destroy that future entirely, just so he can have Arthur.

Arthur, who values Merlin’s opinion above everyone else’s, Arthur on his deathbed, finally seeing Merlin for who he is, says, “I don’t want you to change, I want you to always be you,” Arthur, who is dying, a few steps from the chance being saved, (still too far, not enough time), decides to stop because in his last moments he just wants to be held by Merlin.

They chose each other.

And that’s, dare I say it, love.

[knickknacksandallthat]

if you don't mind me asking, what got you into kevin's character?

for me it was actually your fic, but since its so normalized in the fandom to dismiss his trauma and call him a coward and annoying for doing things that other characters are loved for, i didn't really care about him when i first read the books

now hes my favorite

Oh, anon, I love this!! What an honor, I’m so glad to have helped you join the Kev lovefest 😊 (Welcome to the dark side lol!) It makes me so happy that the A Fallen Star series has awakened this in you! 💖

And wow, what a good question. I don't mind at all! I actually had to think about this for a while to try and remember…how the heck did I get here???

So here is my ridiculously uncalled-for POV on Kevin’s character and slow descent into madness below:

(Disclaimer that these are just my thoughts and anyone in the aftg fandom can hc or think whatever they like about Mr. Day 😊)

Like you, anon, I was easily swayed by Neil’s perspective of Kev on first read. It makes sense and is a credit to Nora how we so fully buy into Neil’s opinion of Kevin that many of us just run with it. And to be fair to the fandom, it’s canon – Andrew, Neil, and all the Foxes tell us he’s a coward and annoying and so we assume it must be true.

So, I created many fics that played into this image and focused on andreil. (Because who isn’t enamored with andreil??? Legit, deranged obsession and couple goals lmao). Using that lens, it was easy to make Kevin the punching bag because he is the quintessential “straight man” in comedy (and yes, I do hear the irony in that) – the foil to other characters to make them seem better, braver, funnier, smarter, etc. It’s an age-old trick/trope in fiction that works very well. And it was an easier transition for Nora to make, I think, once she made the decision to remove Kevin from the main narrative of her story.

This character setup works well enough when you’re doing a fic from Neil or Andrew’s POV, providing an easy source of humor to fall back on. So, for me, I think my thinking shifted once I started working on Flavors of Fall and delved into Andrew and Kevin’s storyline there. That fic forced me to think from Kevin’s perspective, and I found at the time I had a shallow understanding of what made Kevin tick. It totally threw me once I really started considering sequels for that fic and the 12 Day Program for Courtship, both of which have Kevin cast as a main character. I had to dive deep into his makeup, seriously considering his motivations, his likes/dislikes, his personality traits, his relationships, and how he would react in any given situation.

Because I was interested in his character development, I started delving into fics like orionauriga’s just pretend , @likearecordbb's Long Walk in the Woods, @thetrojeans daylights, sunsets, and @dayurno's the age of no regret series. They are all brilliant, fascinating character studies of Kevin Day and his relationships that are extremely well done. There’s many more, of course, but I was searching for fics that specifically delved into Kevin’s thought process and choices and stayed there a while.

That’s what led me to feeling like I needed to tell his story with Dead of Night. Of course, it turned into a larger series with my flavoring of Kerejean added because I’ve never been a huge Kevin/Thea relationship fan. (But that's a discussion for another day which you can start here and here for that adventure.)

Now all that I’ve described above gives you the mechanics of the descent – the when, the where, the how. But it crucially misses the why. What is it about Kevin that got me in the end?

Ironically enough, it was his potential.

I think when Nora stripped away any kind of romantic narrative (RIP Kandreil OR Riko/Kevin/Jean) or a chance for a tragic storyline (Kevin dying in the end) it resulted in removing a lot of Kevin’s emotional vulnerability. We don’t get to hear what he’s feeling or thinking unless it’s related to Riko, the Moriyamas, or Exy. This means his storyline is consumed by the stereotypical sports underdog story, with us following his rise to champion (which is still a powerful enough narrative on its own that shines even in the midst of Neil’s crazy plotline. Switching that racquet to his left hand in the championship game? Iconic.) 

However, it leaves us very much with a shell of a person. Kevin’s character outside of Exy is reduced to a handful of facts – there’s a passing comment on his like of history, and the stark evidence of an alcohol addiction as a coping mechanism. We’re told he used to dance. That he learned French because Jean Moreau taught him. That he has no qualms about taking (mild?) drugs (cracker dust). Despite how much we’ve run with it as a fandom, the only allusion I’ve found in the books to him being strict with diet is this section from The King’s Men:

“No one needs to eat this before a game,” Kevin said. “Eat some granola or protein if you’re that hungry.” “Hello, there’s protein in the peanut butter,” Nicky said. “Let go of me before I tell Andrew you’re outlawing chocolate. I said let go. You’re not the boss of me. Ouch! Did you seriously just hit me?” … “Kevin, just let him go,” Neil said. “It’s not worth fighting over.” “When our defense is sluggish, we all suffer,” Kevin said.

From what I can find in the books, Kevin never once denies Andrew eating ice cream. (Which I’m 100% able to admit I might have missed something so feel free to quote me where that scene is because I was totally searching for it). In fact, every time they go to Sweetie’s, it’s implied Kevin orders ice cream with them. In the infamous kissing scene in The King’s Men, we actually have proof that Kevin got ice cream:

Kevin still hadn’t messaged Nicky by the time they reached the ice cream aisle, so Nicky gave in and called him. Neil half-expected Kevin to ignore Nicky’s call, but Kevin wasn’t so sour with them that he’d turn down a free snack…Nicky grabbed spoons from the kitchen and distributed pints to their hungry owners. Neil checked his expression when Nicky came back from dropping Kevin’s off….

Now I do think it’s in line with his character and his upbringing to have issues with food, so I’m all for buying into that specific hc. But we have very little evidence of it in the text.

His personality is reduced mainly to anger, arrogance, or cowardice (all traits that don’t make us sympathize with him). The only facts we have about his Tragic Past™️ are two things: his mother’s death, and his hand injury. Everything else we assume is based on Neil’s knowledge of the mafia, Wymack’s hearsay, Andrew’s deductions, and Kevin’s reactions to Riko and Tetsuji. We have literally no idea what happened to Kevin in the Nest. His trauma and his time spent there is a complete mystery. The closest we get is Riko’s comment to Neil in The Raven King:

“I am going to love hurting you,” Riko said, “like I loved hurting Kevin.”

This, I think, is one of the main reasons many of the fandom “dismisses” Kevin’s trauma in comparison to Neil’s because we can’t see it. We don’t know what happened and we don’t get to experience it, so this lack of explanation or motivation leaves us only with very cold personality traits. We’re unable to root for him as a character because we can’t sympathize. We can empathize because we know Very Bad Things™️ must have happened in the Nest, but we don’t see them happen the same way we do Neil or Andrew. Even Kevin’s hand injury is old and “healed” when we’re first introduced to the character.

The only true canon moment where Kevin appears “human” is in The Raven King with Kevin’s “then run” and “you should be court” conversation with Neil. His admittance that Neil’s life is more important than Exy is instantaneous – he doesn’t even pause to throw his Exy dreams down the drain if it means Neil can survive.  In a weirdly parallel way, we see Kevin’s thought process implicit in his conversation: “at least you’d have a chance.” It is strikingly similar to Neil’s internal conversation of: one of us should make it. (And there’s another whole separate discourse I could get into on how Kevin and Neil are two halves of the same coin, but we’ll save that for another day.) But even the revelation of Wymack as his father has more shock value than true emotional weight – we never see what that conversation looked like or how either party actually reacted. (In some ways, I feel like Dan being pissed at Kevin is given more “screentime” than Kevin’s response to telling his father and how Wymack reacted.)

So with Kevin’s emotions and past firmly locked down, we’re left to brush off Kevin’s reactions (or lack thereof) as part of his indifferent personality. It is what it says on the tin. (And that’s not to say Kevin is a perfect character by any means. He has flaws just like every other character.)

Now some people very accurately depict and buy into those limitations as simply being Kevin’s character/personality – I’ve read some awesome fics where Kevin is Ace/Aro and/or on the spectrum. These are completely valid, extremely well done, and I could totally see why others see and write him this way. Canon practically sets them up for it.

For me, though, it circles back to our skewed view of Kevin given to us by some deeply loved but also deeply flawed characters (cough, Andreil). Those same characters that we’re told time and again not to judge them by their cover but to try and understand how they’re affected by (and make choices because of) their trauma.

While Andrew and Neil end up giving each other this grace through a hard-fought battle of truths and exchanges, they do not extend this same courtesy to Kevin, and neither are we given the chance to do so. We literally can’t because, again, we don’t know what the full extent of Kevin’s trauma is.

Kevin doesn’t talk about his time in the Nest to any character, meaning we know nothing about it. Ergo we don’t know what choices Kevin makes because of it. In The Foxhole Court, Wymack specifically tells us Kevin was Riko’s pet. In fact, there is so much specific language that Kevin himself uses around the concept of ownership, and that Nora uses when referring to him that it jarringly sticks out in the text.  He has no sense of personal space or proper boundaries, viewing people only as assets to be used for the good of the team, which at the very least is a sign of mental abuse. But the fact remains that we just don’t know. We don’t know how far this mental abuse was taken, how often or severely he was injured, if he injured or was forced to injure others – we don’t know.

But it’s obvious whatever happened to him started as a child and built from there. Which means he has years of abuse and power dynamics embedded into him. He has every right to be afraid. In fact, we are demonstrably told and shown often in canon that Kevin is afraid…but fear does not equate to cowardice. In fact, we know that bravery often means being scared and doing something anyway. And in many cases, that’s just what Kevin did (with a crutch named Andrew). But even before he entered his deal with Andrew, it's important to remember that even though he was brainwashed and beaten from a young age to understand that he would die if he betrayed the Moriyama family in some way, he left them.

This is always so significant to me because so many abuse victims stay in their situation thinking/hoping/praying it will get better – either because of an idea that their abuser will change (“they’re just having a hard time at work rn”) or that the victim will fix whatever flaw the abuser finds lacking. Or alternatively, they recognize the situation is bad, but they can’t leave because they feel like they have nowhere to go, no one who will help them, trapped by their lack of skills/contacts/money. In Kevin’s case, both situations rang true. And yet he left. He left, and in only a year and a half’s time he recovered from his injury and led his team to the championship.

But he is only at the start of his recovery. I think he’ll need years of therapy to recover from all that happened in the Nest. I think many of his emotional and social shortcomings are a direct consequence of that timeframe and he did not have the freedom to address them until the threat of the Moriyamas was removed. I do not think they are permanent parts of his personality – I think in time, he will be allowed to grow and recover and contribute much more to his relationships than he’s capable of doing at the end of The King’s Men.

Though the series finished, I think Kevin’s story is just beginning.

That’s why I think he’s fascinating to explore as a character. That’s why I love writing him right now because in many ways, his possibilities are endless. There’s so many opportunities to explore different facets of his story that we never get a chance to in canon. Kevin’s character and narrative is a tantalizing tease which many of us have fell hook, line, and sinker for. (Including yours truly.) We want to rabidly sink our teeth into it and shake it, like a dog with a bone.

So we do. 😉

Phew. Okay, that’s enough. None of what I’ve written above is new I’m sure to those of the fandom who have been here since the beginning or have become diehard Kevin fans. But thank you for letting me ramble in this ask, anon. Writing about Kevin has been a very fun and therapeutic adventure for me. So I’m so glad that there are others out there who are enjoying it too 😊

[aca-4]

You Gave Me Your Kindness - So I'm Giving It Back (MLP Fanfiction)

Summary: Something has been wrong with Fluttershy lately. Discord keeps brushing it off at first, but in the end he can’t ignore the alarming changes any longer. As he looks back on their relationship, he realizes there is only one thing left to do to save his most beloved.

A/N: I once woke up with what seemed like an amazing story concept and decided to trust my sleepy imagination. After putting it on and off for like one or two years, I finally sat down and finished it.

Not my very first time writing fanfiction, and for this fandom no less, but I’m still not used to this and highly doubt I’ll ever write something again (that I’ll publish, at least).

Again, English isn’t my native language - I have however spent many years learning it. So if I still made any mistakes, please do correct me so that I can learn even more!

Rated T Word Count: 3.464 Ship(s): Fluttercord Genres: Romance, Drama, Angst without Happy Ending Warnings: like one swear word lmao

It had all started on a warm late spring day.

Discord had visited Fluttershy for their scheduled afternoon tea. Since the weather had been so nice they’d decided to drink outside, surrounded by chirping birds and flowers in full bloom.

Fluttershy had talked about something that made her smile as she poured him another cup. He couldn’t remember what it was now because he had stopped listening.

Not in a rude way, of course - at least, he didn’t think it was rude to be so distracted by your best friend’s beauty you start zoning out. Could anyone really blame him for that?

“Discord, are you listening?“, he had eventually caught her saying.

“My apologies, I believe I have something stuck in my ears. One moment, let me just…“

To demonstrate he had pulled out a red handkerchief - which had been tied to a yellow one, which in turn had been tied to a purple one, a green one, and so on. This had continued for a short while before all of the handkerchieves were out of his head.

“There we go! Much better. Now, you were saying?“

It was a lame trick and an even lamer excuse, but Fluttershy had playfully rolled her eyes and giggled anyway.

That lovely sound had been enough for him to get his focus back on her words again. Although he was tempted to check if his chaotic magic had spontaneously created butterflies in his stomach or if that was the doing of Fluttershy’s own magic.

Either way, he couldn’t complain. Not when that strange feeling made him all soft and warm inside.

It was somewhere during their long conversations and the sun illuminating Fluttershy in an angelic glow that Discord realized he was, without a doubt, utterly and completely in love with her.

-

They had started dating sometime after that.

The love confession had actually been the hardest part. The usually loud and eccentric Discord somehow always found himself at a loss for words the second he wanted to tell Fluttershy how he truly felt about her.

Combined with her timidness, it could have taken them ages to ask each other out if Angel Bunny of all creatures hadn’t let the truth slip out in frustration at the two.

Everything was much easier afterwards. It had felt so right to be together like that.

No personal kingdom of entropy could ever begin to compare to the joy he had found thanks to and with Fluttershy. She had been the first to offer him her friendship, and then she’d shown him love, too.

Everything had been so blissful in their own little world, he’d grown ignorant to all the signs that reality was becoming anything but.

-

Pinkie Pie was the first one to notice, surprisingly enough.

She normally missed a lot of social cues, yet it was her who waved Discord over when he was out visiting Ponyville one day and whispered to him her cryptic message.

“I felt the weirdest energy shift around Fluttershy the other day. This might be a bad omen.“

Then, somehow, she managed to completely change the mood in the same breath as she casually continued with, “Or it was that spoiled milk I drank before. Made me all sick the rest of the day. You really gotta listen to those expiration dates!“

Immediately back to her usual cheerful self, she’d bounced back into Sugar Cube Corner.

Discord was left a little confused but ultimately decided to just laugh at the mare’s odd behavior. Just typical Pinkie Pie.

Must have been that odd „Pinkie Sense“ of hers, he figured. Much as he enjoyed her fun energetic company, he didn’t actually believe in her crazy nonsense. Not this time, at least. She admitted she might have just misinterpreted whatever she had felt, after all.

Looking back, he really shouldn’t have dismissed her words so easily. Especially since they involved his dearest Fluttershy.

-

Rarity was the next one, discreetly pulling Discord away from the group one day to give him a piece of her mind.

It had been during last year’s Hearths Warming Eve no less. Quite rude of her to judge him during the holiday celebrating ponies coming together despite their differences and finding peace, he had told her irritated.

At least that’s how he had felt then. Now he could only repeat Rarity’s words in his head over and over again.

“Listen here, I know you and Fluttershy are close - and Celestia knows how you even deserve her kindness after everything you’ve done - but I still don’t trust you. If she wants to be with you, then fine. Who am I to tell her how to live her life? But if you as much as harm a single hair on her head, I swear I will personally harness the power of the Elements of Harmony and banish your ugly patchwork behind all the way to Tartarus!“

He’d faked a sarcastic oath then, thinking the unicorn was only being melodramatic as always.

Rarity had scowled at him for that and returned to the group with a final: “I am only worried because she is a very dear friend of mine. If you truly care for her as much as you claim to do, you will not hurt her.“

Discord had watched her take a cider off the table, take one big unladylike gulp of it, and sit back down between Applejack and Fluttershy.

Now that he was replaying the uncomfortable memory in his head, Discord couldn’t deny that he’d long broken the promise he’d never made in the first place.

Despite being surrounded by the most loving friends in all of Equestria, Fluttershy had looked almost annoyed by the shared laughter of the other ponies. Out of all the blurry images in his mind’s eye, a single gray hair stood out on the pegasus.

-

He definitively should have known something was wrong when Applejack and Rainbow Dash tracked him down to interrogate him.

At the time, Discord didn’t understand where their sudden hatred had come from. He thought they’d actually gotten along better over the years. He never believed he’d even have this many friends, but it seems that was just the positive influence Fluttershy had on him.

So seeing them this furious at him hurt. Although not nearly as much as the accusation itself did.

“You’ve done something to Fluttershy!“, Rainbow Dash yelled, flying up to him and pointing one hoof right at his face.

“Now, we don’t know that yet for sure, Dash.“

At least Applejack seemed more civil, pulling the loud pegasus down by the tail. Despite her words, she was clearly just as upset.

“Fluttershy’s been acting mighty strange lately. Think today was the worst I’ve seen ‘er lash out in… well, ever.“

Discord already didn’t like where this was going.

„We just figured, since y’all have been together for a while now,-“

“And because you used to be a manipulative villain!“

“-ya might know what’s been going on.“

“So spill it! What are you hiding from us?“, Rainbow added impatiently before Discord could even ask them what had brought this suspicion on.

So they explained.

Apparently, during one of their group’s regular meetings, Fluttershy had seemed disinterested. Pretty unusual already, but nothing of concern yet. She often got stuck in her own head with all her worries, after all.

It wasn’t until one of the others had asked if she was feeling okay, and she’d glared and spit at them, that it became obvious something was very much not okay.

To cut a long story short, kind concern was met with harsh words, turned into tough love, but was all ultimately ignored and Fluttershy had left with her nuzzle held as high as those snobby high-society ponies from Canterlot.

“Ya got any idea what that could have been about?“ Discord ignored the accusing undertone in Applejack’s voice.

He knew they were all thinking the same thing. He just wasn’t sure how to reply to them. It’s not like he wanted Fluttershy to act like that ever again.

“So…?“, Rainbow urged him for an answer.

But his mouth only hung open uselessly.

Instead, Discord excused himself and teleported himself home so quickly and abruptly that it made even him dizzy.

-

He had missed the first warning, and he had certainly missed many more. He’d like to think it was because it happened so suddenly that none of them could have known what was to come. Except they did.

All of them but Discord.

But it’s not like he didn’t notice something was off at all!

After he’d moved into her cottage and saw her everyday, he truly began to see the change in her behavior for himself.

It was in the way she treated her animals; Food heedlessly spilled into bowls instead of lovingly prepared (if she didn’t forget completely and Discord had to remind her or do it in her stead.)

He’d assumed it was the stress finally getting to her. With all those animals in such a tight space, it was no wonder she looked more tired, and he couldn’t blame her for letting out her frustrations on others.

It did surprise him a little when she’d locked Angel out of her own house when the bunny (that at least half of the time didn’t deserve its name) refused to eat his dinner because the slices weren’t evenly cut, or something petty like that. He’d even laughed in mockery as the little devil was left scratching at the door.

He was more surprised when he’d looked out of the window the morning after to see Angel still waiting outside.

He had mentioned it to Fluttershy, confused that she hadn’t let him in as she normally would after giving the annoying brat a little time-out. She’d said he still had to learn his lesson if he wanted to live under her roof.

Discord had agreed with her at first, not very fond of the bunny’s picky eating habits and general rudeness, either.

He’d only grown concerned when another night came and rain began to fall. Angel had still been outside, curled up and shivering at the doorstep, when the guilt became too much and Discord let the little guy in.

As he was drying him off, Fluttershy had come into the room, looked the both of them up and down, and just turned back around with a scoff and the words „you pity him too much“ muttered under her breath.

Discord and Angel might never have seen eye to eye on things before, but in that moment, the bunny looked at him with such deep concern that Discord simply couldn’t deny Fluttershy’s worrying state any longer.

-

“So, the others have already talked to you, I’m assuming?“

Discord only nodded a remorseful yes.

They had done much more than that. Left him cryptic warnings, gave him a stern talking-to, even straight-up yelled some sense into him, and yet he had brushed his friends off every time.

He wasn’t all that close with the five ponies, not the way Fluttershy was, but he trusted Twilight the most. It’s why he had eventually decided to confide in her.

“I’ve noticed it, too. Much too late, I have to admit, but her outburst the other day and the way she’s been avoiding us ever since are really worrying me. Do you know when this drastic shift in behavior started?“

The fact that even Twilight Sparkle didn’t notice sooner was only slightly reassuring.

The Princess of Friendship always seemed to have her nuzzle stuck in paperwork or research for personal projects, whereas Discord was always right there, frequently visiting for an afternoon tea or whatever other excuse he came up with just to be with Fluttershy.

If anyone should have noticed right away that she wasn’t acting like herself, it should have been him.

In all honesty, he didn’t quite know when it started. So he told Twilight what the others had already said to him; including Pinkie’s odd comment from about a year ago, which suddenly didn’t seem so random anymore.

“Her Pinkie Sense… I’ve long given up on trying to understand it but it’s never been wrong even once…“, the alicorn had already started muttering to herself.

Discord was left to watch her sort through the books on the shelf behind her. Spike had been there, too, offering his help to search. Otherwise he kept himself out of the conversation.

Although, knowing him, he had probably noticed before anyone else that something was wrong. If the others hadn’t listened to him at first or he had kept it to himself for whatever reason, Discord didn’t know.

But just seeing the guilty look on the young dragon’s face now, he didn’t need to hear it to know how bad it was.

“Hey, Twi? What was with that book about balancing magic that Cadance gave you on your last birthday?“

“The Theory of Magical Balance“, she corrected while skimming over various book covers in deep concentration. „Yeah, you might be onto something.“

Twilight flew over to a different section of she shelf and pulled out the book Spike mentioned.

The contents were still rather speculative, as there weren’t many cases recorded to prove the theories. Personally, Discord never cared for any sort of magical science and laws of physics anyway, since he could defy and bend them to his will.

But just this once he looked over Twilight’s shoulder to read about the exact thing that was happening to his dear Fluttershy:

“… if such opposing magical auras were to meet, they might balance each other out; each taking a part of the other and thus intertwining. But that raises the question: What if they were imbalanced? If one such aura was too strong, or both exposed to each other for too long, the weaker one could be overtaken completely. Or, perhaps, one might give all of itself away and…“

Discord stopped reading right then and there.

He didn’t want to accept it. He never wanted from the beginning and it’s why he’d avoided acknowledging it for so long.

Twilight began to speak carefully, trying to piece together all this new information.

“I know it’s been a long time now — and I do trust you not to go back on your word to never cause harm ever again! — but you have to admit, she has been acting…“

Discordant.

She didn’t have to say it out loud for they both were thinking it.

Years ago, when Discord had initially been freed from his stone prison, he had hypnotized and tricked his former enemies into turning the complete opposite of themselves. Back then, it had been so fun to watch them like that; arguing and in disharmony.

Fluttershy had been different, though. He’d had to actively cast a spell on her in order to turn her mean-spirited.

(And even so, despite everything he’d done… it was her who had shown him the light of friendship in the end.)

But now… now, without even trying, without any intention, his chaos magic was affecting her once more.

“Are you sure this is it? Isn’t there any other explanation?“, Spike tried against all odds to hope.

“I’m not sure… I’d have to ask Celestia if she has any more books on the matter. Or, who knows, maybe it’s the same type of magic that turned Luna into Nightmare Moon centuries ago? We cannot leave out any possibilities! Spike, take a letter…“

Discord had teleported out of the castle once Twilight went fully into study-mode. 
He appreciated her help, and he’d tell her so the next time he saw her, but deep down he already knew what was going on and what he needed to do to stop it.

There was only one thing he could do to help Fluttershy now. No matter how much he dreaded it.

-

In the dim light of the room, one might not immediately notice the gray fur on what once was a brightly pastel colored pegasus. Discord, however, can’t help but stare the truth right in the face.

“What?“, she asks, annoyance clear in the way she practically spits out the word.

This monochrome impostor is still his beloved, he needs to remind himself. It’s his fault she is like this to begin with, so he has to make it right again.

“We need to talk“, Discord finally brings himself to say.

“Sure, whatever. But it better not be about those Celestia-damned ‘friends’ of yours. I’m not apologizing to those—“

„It’s not about that“, he cuts her off before she can finish the insult. He knows she doesn’t mean it. Not her true self, anyway.

“What is it then?“

She starts getting impatient. Her hoof taps against the floor, wordlessly telling him to go on already. He isn’t sure if he can.

“It’s about us“, he says quietly. He feels small, all of a sudden, wringing his paw and claw together and looking meek. Shy, even.

(He’d laugh at the irony, but she’s giving him that disinterested look again.)

“So?“

“I think it would be best if… we broke up.“

A heavy silence lies between them. He forces himself to not look away.

Slowly, Fluttershy’s emotions change. She raises her eyebrows, opens her eyes wide. She looks at him, through him, to the floor, to the wall. Then she snaps her head back, turns up her nose and glares at him with the same intensity she normally uses for her infamous ‚Stare’.

“What?“

Her words cut through the air and through him.

“We can’t go on like this“, he admits. „This close exposure to my magic — to me — has turned you evil. This isn’t you.“

“I’m fine!“, she huffs and stomps her hoof for emphasis. It only proofs his point further.

“I never meant to do this to you. I can’t control it. And now look what it’s… what I’ve done to you.“

For the first time in his life, Discord is painfully aware of just how much influence he really has on the world around him. How easily he could affect those close to him.

He is the only one to blame here, he is now certain. It’s all his fault for not stopping this sooner, for so selfishly wanting Fluttershy to be his, that he let her become a twisted and malicious version of herself.

“What kind of bullshit reason is that?!“ Cursing sounded so wrong coming out of her mouth. “You know, if you don’t love me anymore, you could have just said so!“

“I do love you. That’s why I have to do this.“

Fluttershy looks at him like he’d done the opposite of growing two heads. She probably isn’t used to him being this calm and reasonable. It’s like they switched places.

“Are you fff— ha! Are you serious right now?“, she half laughs in utter disbelief.

“I wish I wasn’t.“

Fluttershy makes a few faces as she wildly looks around the room again. She then settles on one emotion she’s grown way too accustomed to the past year.

“Fine! See if I care!“, she yells. “I never liked you anyway!“

She is lying through her teeth now and he knows it.

“I really wish it didn’t have to be like this.“ — She ignores him. — “Please know that I’m doing this for your own good.“

“Whatever. Just go.“

She refuses to look at him while Discord isn’t sure if he can bring himself to ever take his eyes off her. No matter her current state, somewhere in there is still the sweet, gentle Fluttershy he fell in love with.

Despite all her anger and harsh shouts that he should leave already, tears are forming in Fluttershy’s eyes. He wants to reach out and dry them, tell her everything was going to be okay and that he’d stay here with her forever. But he knows he can’t.

The damage had already been done and the only thing he can do now is return the kindness she had given him all those years ago.

So with a strained smile he says „Goodbye, my dearest. Thank you for everything.“

“Don’t you— Don’t you dare say that! You don’t get… get to say something like that!“

Discord has to tune out her cries as he opens the door and steps outside. He allows himself to look back at her only once, only briefly, to see her let her wings drop to the floor, ugly tears streaming down rosy cheeks.

Among the ashen gray hair is a single pink strand, encouraging him to close the door and open up a portal to his old home.

Only once he is back inside the cold walls with forgotten furniture floating past his head upside down, does he let himself cry, too.

––––

MLP:FiM and its characters belong to Hasbro

I only own the artwork and (I still can’t believe I’m saying this) the story

[bkdk-art]

The Ghost of a Touch

Chapter 3

Summary: Izuku and Katsuki attend a late night show, a game of dares resulting them into getting closer. They both react very differently to that, which makes both of them feel like they’re being rejected by the person they've been in love with for ages.

Fandom: My Hero Academia / Boku no hero academia

Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku

Pairing:  Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku

Word Count: 1,000

Rating: General / Teen

AO3-Link

Notes: Takes place after UA / Izuku and Katsuki are hero partners / i know it's been over a year since i posted a full fic, i hope you enjoy it! / here's the last chapter, thanks for staying(:

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3

______________________________

~~~

About one and a half year later

~~~

“I can’t believe we’re here again”, Katsuki grumbled, running a hand through his hair.

“At least they have a new host”, Izuku answered, rolling his shoulders and cracking his neck.

“That’s the least they could do after all the shit he pulled with his guests and all the drama in the news about his behavior behind the scenes”, Katsuki said, looking around and having a deja-vu, standing backstage, waiting for their introduction.

He looked back at Izuku and couldn’t help but smile at the greenhead. For a few months, Izuku had kind of grown out his looks and he had made it a habit to catch the longer strands on the lower back of his head. The small ponytail and the looks escaping from it, falling perfectly in his face made him look adorable and crazy handsome at the same time.

When Izuku caught him staring, he titled his head questioningly.

Katsuki huffed and took one lock in between his fingers. “You just look great, nerd. I really like your hair like that.”

Izuku beamed at him. “Thanks, Kacchan!”

“Just telling the truth.”

Izuku smiled even brighter. “You know”, he said after a moment, “I’m really happy they changed the host. He probably would’ve tried to get us to spill things or straight up ask us something like when we plan to have children or something like that.”

Katsuki could just stare at Izuku, suddenly feeling like someone had poured an ice bucket over his head.

They had talked about their relationship a lot in the past year, both of them had made very clear they wanted this forever. But kids never really occurred in their conversations.

“Do you want kids?”, Katsuki heard himself ask, not really thinking about it.

“Eh”, Izuku looked away, flustered.

Great, that made Katsuki flustered too.

“I mean, I guess, I might want to, someday, maybe, yes.”

“And”, Katsuki held his breath, “with… with me?”

At that Izuku burst into laughter and Katsuki flushed a deep red.

“Shitty nerd, don’t laugh at me”, he barked, grabbing Izuku by the shoulder and popping a few tiny explosions in his other palm, no real heat behind it all.

“With whom else, Kacchan?”, Izuku was trying to catch his breath, brushing a tear of laugher out of the corner of his eye, “With whom else? Seriously. I mean”, he shrugged with a shy smile, “only if you want to too, of course.”

Katsuki let go of him, turning to face the stage entrance again, trying to compose himself.

His heart was pounding against his ribs.

What a dork, throwing something like this at him right before going live on television.

Breathe, he told himself, getting giddy at the thought of Izuku wanting to have a family with him.

“Bold motherfucker”, he hissed after a while, eying Izuku who snorted, “Maybe ask me to marry you first before moving straight to the baby-talk.”

Izuku’s head snapped into his direction.

“Would you want me to?”

Katsuki shifted awkwardly. “Would you want me to want you to?”

“What?”

Katsuki spluttered. “What do you mean, ‘what!?”, he shot back, getting even more flustered if that was even possible, “I mean, I would not not want you to.”

He watched Izuku’s face going slack, blinking a few times at him.

“Katsuki”, he whispered after a moment and something sparked up Katsuki’s spine as it always did when Izuku called him by his given name.

“Izuku”, Katsuki whispered back.

“Do you want to marry me?”

“Fuck”, Katsuki let out and launched forward to press himself against Izuku, holding his face between his hands, “You will be death of me, do you know that?”

Izuku chuckled, putting his arms around Katsuki’s waist. “Is that a Yes?”

“If no was ever an option when it comes to you”, Katsuki slightly shook his head, Izuku’s locks softly brushing against his forehead, “Yes, yes, yes, because I love, love, love you, nerd.”

A happy laugh bubbled out of Izuku’s mouth when Katsuki leaned in to kiss him and Katsuki could get high on that alone.

“I can’t believe I get to call my favorite person in the whole world my fiancé from now on”, Izuku grinned when they parted, “Or my future husband.”

Okay, that was it.

“We’re out of here”, Katsuki said, taking Izuku’s hand to drag him out of the studio.

Izuku held against him, a surprised yet amused look on his face, “Kacchan, come on, let’s not get our manager into trouble, it’ll only be around an hour!”

“Too fucking long”, Katsuki said through gritted teeth, pulling on Izuku with all his strength, “I can’t wait to be alone with my future husband.”

Suddenly Izuku dropped all of his resistance and Katsuki almost fell on his butt.

“Shit”, Izuku whispered, more to himself, “We can’t bail, we really can’t. But you’re making it very hard for me.”

Katsuki smirked. “Huh?”, he said in a low voice, “Did I just find a new button of yours to push?”

Izuku rolled his eyes. “You reaction to it was stronger than mine.”

Katsuki clicked his tongue. “Whatever. Are we out of here or not?”

Izuku sighed, looking torn.

“No”, he said, almost pouting, “We’ll have the rest of our lives to get kinky over calling each other our future husbands. Let’s do this pro hero thing for an hour and get no one into trouble, okay?”

Katsuki looked at Izuku’s soft, yet serious face and huffed, draping an arm around Izuku’s neck.

“You’re such a nerd.”

“And you like that about me.”

Katsuki scoffed. “Can’t argue with that.”

Izuku smiled one of his brightest smiles up at him and Katsuki realized that Izuku was right. That even though they have known each other their entire lives and were finally dating for over a year now, the rest of their lives – the majority of their lives even, was still out there, waiting for them.

Katsuki was filled with deep happiness at that thought and said: “We can’t announce our engagement on national television, right? Not, like, after only about two minutes have passed?”

Izuku raised his eyes at him. “My mom and your day would cry for whole week and your mom would straight up slaughter us.”

Katsuki barked out a laugh. “Sounds about right.”

Izuku leaned in closer, placing a soft kiss on Katsuki’s cheek. “We have time, Kacchan.”

“Sap.”

“Says you.”

Before Katsuki could say anything mockingly, they were introduced and Izuku dragged him out on stage, the goofiest, most beautiful smile on his face.

Yeah, well, Katsuki was indeed a sap for the nerd, sue him.

~~~

The End ^.^

I also drew Izuku with his longer hair because it was living rentfree in my head, you can find it here (:

[freewayshark]

I'm hesitant to ask this question because a lot of people are really weird but you were patient even with the person being really ridiculous and I have been really confused lately.

Why are so many people who were big buddie shippers shifting to be mainly or even only bucktommy now?

I get multishipping, but in the past when people had other ships they liked they didn't shift so drastically. Most people are now changing their users and everything to be bucktommy/tommy and most of the fanfic writers write only bucktommy now.

Is it just because it is new? Or because Buck being bi is such a big thing? I am on the spectrum and don't do change so maybe it's a me thing but it is just surprising and a little confusing why there is so much of a shift. I remember lots of people shipped Buck/Josh and even Buck/Taylor and Buck/Lucy but there wasn't ever so much of a full focus change.

A lot of people also seemed to suddenly start hating on or just not caring about Eddie too which has made me sad, like he only matters in the context of Buddie shipping. That seems to be mostly on Twitter and tiktok though and those groups of fans have always been a little weird.

Anyway this is very long and I understand if you don't want to answer, especially with all the discourse lately.

Hi! Honestly I’m always happy to answer questions like yours where you are genuinely asking a question and not just coming in with accusations and nonsense to start drama

I can really only speak for myself, but I think other people would probably agree with my reasoning, so:

I think a good chunk of it probably is because it’s new, yeah. I love buddie so much and nothing could ever change that, but it is fun to have this new dynamic to work with. For me especially, I’m enjoying writing bucktommy a ton right now, because I haven’t written outside of buddie in, well, years actually because even before I dove in headfirst in 2021 I hadn’t really been writing much of anything. So it’s fun to have new toys to play with.

And honestly, at least as far as my dash and my friends go, I don’t think any of us are only bucktommy shippers now, it’s just getting the major focus right now because it’s new and it’s playing out on our screens. I’m still seeing plenty of new buddie fics, metas, and gifsets coming out amongst the bucktommy

Like, my last fic was bucktommy, and my next one will be too, but I still have lots of buddie fic brewing, and I know I’ll still be coming up with tons of new ideas for them too. But it probably seems like I’ve done a hard shift, because it is only what I’m working on right now. But that’s just temporary, and I’m sure it is with others as well.

As for hating on or not caring about Eddie, that is definitely something I have not seen. I can’t say it isn’t happening, of course, because I only follow around 100 people and rarely venture off my dash, but if you’re seeing it here I would encourage you to curate your dash better, and stay away from twitter and TikTok because those places are cesspools for fandom.

To circle back to why bucktommy is getting this treatment over the other ships you mentioned, again, I can only speak for myself, but it’s because Tommy is such a compelling character. I’m fascinated by the character set up through the begins episodes to now, and I like thinking about him. I’m not saying other characters haven’t been compelling, but they just haven’t grabbed my attention in a way that makes me want to write about them the way he has.

I hope I was able to address all your questions

[ongreenergrasses]

tagged by @anosrepasi 💜💜💜 thank you my fellow previous night shift crew and writing friend!!!

1) how many works do you have on AO3?

58

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

224,834 although that is about to skyrocket

3) What fandoms do you write for?

right now tog, thg, and good omens. i am done with longfic for tog but i still do shorter works and prompts. if i think about the behemoth for too long i’ll just start laughing hysterically so i try not to but that’s uh. that’s a long motherfucker

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

almost a thing my heart could endure sweeps, then it’s and so they did., this is the way i’ll love you, on loyalty, and he ain’t heavy, he’s my brother . imo out of those fics on loyalty is definitely the best and i’m really glad that so many people liked it

5) Do you respond to comments?

yes! Sometimes it takes me a good long while but i respond to all my comments. if i’m posting something regularly then i will respond to comments as i post but otherwise it can take up to a year sorry everyone

6) What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

mmmm probably I lie

7) What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i do bittersweet i don’t really do happy, but i think The Logic Of Color has a happy ending!

8) Do you get hate on fics?

the closest i got to hate was with be on your way because it’s Joe/Nile, but i wouldn’t consider it hate per se

9) Do you write smut?

sometimes. i’m learning and people have been very kind

10) Do you write crossovers? If so, what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i was writing fic back in 2011/2012 and that was the wild fucking west. i loved it. i wrote something that was Rose Tyler/Loki and people actually liked it which blew my fuckin mind but that’s just how things were back then

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

afaik no

12) have you ever had a fic translated?

no but i’ve thought about translating a couple of mine myself

13) have you ever cowritten a fic before?

no, there were a couple times i briefly flirted with the idea and casually talked to people about it but the moments have passed and rn i don’t really know what i’d cowrite

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

i’ll be real with you i’ve kind of stopped engaging with media through the lens of shipping…like obviously you still find me writing fics but actual ships and shipping itself isn’t nearly as important to me as it used to be. HOWEVER. i’ve been a johnlock girlie since about age 5 so that’s the longest running ship and probably my favorite

15) What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i finish all my WIPs lol i’ve abandoned two fics in my life and my current WIPs are either a) still in the brain or b) finished and being revised within an inch of their lives

16) What are your writing strengths?

i write about a lot of difficult topics and i do it as carefully and respectfully as i can while not making it so dark as to turn people away. i think i’ve got that balance down. of course these things are experienced differently by everyone so my work won’t always resonate and i’m aware of that and fine with it

17) what are your writing weaknesses?

dude idk. everything at some point or another? at least that’s what it feels like. a thing i consistently really struggle with is i feel like I can get way too florid and indirect with language, which in some contexts is fine, but in others really fucking distracting

18) thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

oh boy do i ever have thoughts. but I’ve collected them and because i mostly write third person limited, i don’t put dialogue in other languages in fic for 2 reasons. a) if the character would understand the language, i translate the statements being made in it into English because the story is being conveyed in English and that’s how the character would show their understanding. b) if the character would not understand the language, they would be unable to recognize the words and express them because it’s third person limited. the exception with this is if there is an untranslatable word that has no English equivalent. that i’ll keep in the original language

however. with the behemoth there are consistently two languages being spoken and intermingled throughout. i have kept all the dialogue in English but the parts that are being spoken in Spanish, i am translating from Spanish back into English to try and keep the cadence and vocabulary. it is hard as hell and i know that people will not notice but it matters to me ig

19) First fandom you wrote for?

DOCTOR WHO BABY

20) Favorite fic you’ve written?

i think the best fic i’ve written is hips but all my work has a special place in my heart. every fic means different things to everyone and i’ve gotten incredibly meaningful and powerful comments on things that i didn’t think were really my best, which made me like those fics more. you never know what will resonate with people and what won’t!

tagging @isabellehemlock @goldheartedsky @unintentionalgenius @genyathefirebird @godihatethisfreakingcat @scorchedhearth and any other writers who would like to!!

[princessrainbowpastel]

Happy New Year(‘s Eve)!!!

Just wanna say thank you to @the-weasel-king and @toasty-self-shipping for tagging me in your New Years posts! I love you guys so much!!! 🥰💕

I also wanna say thanks for all the support and love from my mutuals and followers on this blog as well as my side blogs!!! You all have been so kind to me and I’m so thankful to have you all as my friends even if we hardly speak or have never met irl. I don’t have any real friends to hang out with irl, so it’s really nice to have fellow weirdos (I mean that in a good way lol) interact with my posts and even chat with and befriend me!!! It makes me feel less lonely to know there are people out there that are like me and like the same things I do and enjoy the content I make! 🥰 Also please don’t be scared to reach out to me if any of you ever want to chat!!! I’ve made a lot of new friends through tumblr this year and it’s been an absolute joy to get to know you guys and chat with you about fandoms and characters and more! ☺️

I also just want to admit that it’s been a rough year for me personally and my family and I have been through a lot of crap (and we still are dealing with a lot of crap), but tumblr has been my safe space to help me escape from all that which is nice. I’m sorry if I’ve been slow on replies, asks, or even my works lately on my blogs (specifically @persephoneflowerpetals because I’ve been inactive on my tf2 blog lately lol, also planning on updating/revamping that blog at some point). Like I said, I’ve been dealing with a lot at home and we’re now understaffed at work, so I’ve been very drained because of the holidays and everything going on. I also work in customer service so I have a very emotionally, mentally, and most times physically (because I work in a busy pet store with lots of heavy items I have to lift and I’m always running around the store or chasing loose dogs) draining job, so I’ve just been way too tired to work on my stuff recently. All I want to do is eat and sleep when I get home from my shifts and if I’m not doing that I’m just watching YouTube or playing video games to relax because I have so many video games I haven’t had the time to play because of work lol. Of course, I’m not saying all this to make anyone feel sorry for me or anything like that, I just wanted to mention that because like I said, tumblr has been an outlet for me to escape my real life challenges for a moment and just be happy, but also real life crap has kept me from working on the content I enjoy making. Hopefully, once we get to next year things will be better and I’ll have the energy and time to write and do the things I want lol.

But yeah, there’s so many people on here I could tag and thank for everything, so I can’t tag ya all, so if you are a mutual or follower I hope you’re able to see this and know that I’m so so so greatful to have you interact with me and I love you all with my whole heart!!! I hope you all have a wonderful new year and that 2024 will be a good year for everyone ☺️💕

[twilightofthe]

writing patterns tag game

Rules: list the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there's a pattern!

tagged by @loosingmoreletters thank youuuu but i feel bad i haven’t star warsed on main really since the depression diagnosis which has been a few years so the first 4 fics aren’t even SW ;_; Also i put some of my parts from our collab fics to make me feel better about only having published/updated two (2) solo things within the last couple of years xD

Ok but here goes:

1. It’s just after midnight and Wei Ying is mournfully attempting to wash away his blue balls under the tepid-instead-of-cold shower head.

2. Blacking out after summoning however many the fuck demons who live in your head into the living realm does not always last for long, because blacking out means means you’re retreating inside your head where the demons run amok and they really make shitty company for any extended period of time, so sooner rather than later you end up dragging yourself back to consciousness just to avoid them.

3. The thing about being dead is that it’s a very distinct sensation, putting things if not lightly then the only possible way to put them because how does one explain the feeling of death to someone who has never experienced it before?

4. “Hmm…”

5. After two weeks of traveling at sublight with only the distant, unforgiving stars and his own dwindling sanity for comfort, the far-off, twinkling gem of a planet through the viewport would almost be enough to make Obi-Wan cry if crying didn’t take energy.

6. The first time it happens can be blamed on Anakin’s love of questionable quality holofilms.

7. Whenever Anakin thought about maybe changing his mind on his shift-form, he always reminded himself of the massive amounts of hair over the furniture shed from Obi Wan and Ahsoka alone, and how he was more than happy to not add to it.

8. Considering what had happened the last time he was there, Din Djarin hadn’t planned to set foot in the same star system as Tatooine anytime soon, let alone on the planet itself.

9. Anakin was having a shitty day.

10. Trace doesn’t know how long it had been exactly since Ahsoka left them when the galaxy fell apart.

.

Ok, that’s the past 10! What i realize from them is that firstly, I’m an absolute run-on sentence whore and proud of it lol. Secondly, I internalized WAY too much paranoia about what constitutes a good hook because all of these read like “omg please be drawn in PLEASE be drawn in”. Like they’re not bad, but I can recognize myself and my intentions in my words and I see my eagerness. It’s kind of sweet.

Secondly, I realize that I do really miss Star Wars, but i think a combination of pandemic, a sudden depression diagnosis, and some unpleasant interactions ended up like. Tainting my memories of writing from that era and making it really hard to come back. Plus now I’ve got a newer hyperfixation and i keep reading a bunch of fic for it and stalking people’s tumblr blogs but also doing zero creation of anything to participate. I’ve gotten into some other fandoms in the past two years that make up the first four fics on the list, but even then it’s been hard to publish things that haven’t just been gift fics for my friends, jokes i can take a little less seriously, and collabs that make me less anxious as there’s numbers involved. I really do miss writing though. Like I’m a p decent writer I think, of course I’ve got much to improve, but reading through this and it is NOT as bad as I thought it would be, it’s good! But I wish I hadn’t abandoned so many sw fics, people have been so NICE, and it just feels like I’ve let them down. But I can’t even remember my original ending plans for so much of it and Disney continuing to leech all the joy and energy out of the series hasn’t helped either. But I am still insisting that I’ll be back one day. I will.

[notwithout-mymuse]

Ok so how’s this for a ‘secret’ theory:

I’m probably utterly insane but still, humour me.

So… season 4 opens probably a few weeks after season 3 left off, with soft, domestic just-engaged, deliriously happy Tarlos. Insert this scene here:

I’m thinking a soft morning just-woke-up-together scene, but honestly it could be anything.

Later in the episode we see Carlos meeting Andrea for lunch mid-shift pre-frog apocalypse.

Only, what’s so important that she had to meet him while he’s in the middle of a shift? Maybe because she wanted to talk to him alone? (cause we all know off-duty Tarlos are joined at the hip).

Here, we get our first hint at the big secret. We realise that whatever it is, Andrea knows and is trying to convince Carlos that he needs to let TK in on the secret now that they’re engaged. Insert this line here:

Then, the conversation gets interrupted by the disaster of the week, and the audience is left wondering.

Sometime later we get excited TK in wedding planning mode, probably featuring a lot of this smug playful face:

Only this time, the audience senses that Carlos is hesitating, maybe thinking about his mother’s warning, but it’s not the time or place to have that conversation (and maybe disaster of the week part 2 is kicking off), so again the audience is left wondering.

Very much this scene from S2 kinda vibes, where Carlos (bless his cotton socks) thinks he’s being smooth and subtle in his deflections, but he’s really, REALLY not and TK starts to realise that something is up:

Then we skip ahead to this angsty-looking scene:

I mean, think about this from TK’s perspective, with his past and previous traumas. The show literally opened with him getting his heart broken over a marriage proposal. If this poor little poppet starts suspecting that Carlos is hesitating when it comes to them getting married, that’s gotta reopen a whole lot of old emotional scars.

I still can’t work out which order I think the two photos from this scene will fall, but either way I think it becomes - if not an argument - then at least a very emotionally charged conversation (in which we will charge Ronen and Rafa for our therapy bills after) where TK says something along the lines of ‘if you don’t want to marry me then just say so’.

And Carlos, unable to bear the thought that TK thinks he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life with him blurts out the truth:

He can’t marry TK. Not because he doesn’t want that with all his heart..

But because he’s already married.

BOOM. MIC DROP. RIP lone star fandom 2020-2023. Of course the ep ends on a cliffhanger so that we all have to suffer for a whole week without answers. Hence the “gasp-inducing revelation”.

HOWEVER (stay with me here) I don’t think it will be quite as straight-forward as like ‘oh here’s an ex boyfriend I never mentioned before and oops we got married’. For one thing, there doesn’t seem to have been anyone cast who would fit that role, and that would be the obvious route for the story to go, for TK to meet this ex - accidentally or otherwise because DRAMA. Also, how would Andrea know if TK is the first of Carlos’ partners that she has met?

But also, you know who has a role in all of this that we haven’t really been able to figure out yet?

Iris.

Again, stay with me here…

Given that we know that Carlos came out as gay at 17 and has never been suggested to be anything else, I’m pretty sure he would not have married Iris out of love.

However, Carlos has been presented as someone who cares deeply about the people around him, who will do anything to help someone in need, and who struggles with not being able to make things better for people.

So what if Iris didn’t need someone to marry her out of love. What if she needed someone to marry her because she was desperate?

Remember - the last time we saw Iris she was homeless, penniless, traumatised and extremely mentally unwell. But in the new stills she looks in much better health. So who has been making sure that Iris is taken care of financially - her unemployed sister? Her retirement-age mother? And we have no evidence that either of them are even still alive or around to help - if they killed Gwyn off why not Michelle - especially if Liv Tyler is definitely not coming back which looks likely.

So who has been paying what are presumably exorbitant medical fees? It’s not likely that she had medical insurance after living on the streets with no job. But what if she had a ‘husband’ - one with a stable job, decent income, and presumably good health insurance benefits?

Only it would have to be a secret, wouldn’t it?Because the marriage is fraudulent, and Carlos is literally an officer of the law.

Of course this makes me wonder about time frame (always a risky thing with shows like this), but I’m wondering if it happened during the Tarlos break-up era. If Carlos thought there was no chance of reuniting with TK - and lord knows the poor boy wasn’t moving on no matter what he said - then what would be the harm in pretend marrying a friend for a little while so that she could get help?

Nothing. Until TK comes back, and proposes of course!

And understandably TK would have grounds to be upset about Carlos not letting him know what was going on (which is what I think Carlos’ real ‘slip-up’ is, rather than the marriage itself) but given everything that happened after the reunion - with Gwyn dying, TK nearly relapsing, the Sadie drugging, Owen’s cancer scare and a building nearly crushing him - I can see why it might have been difficult to casually slip a sham marriage into the conversation!

Ultimately though, the solution is simple. If Iris is doing as well as she seems, then explain the situation, get the marriage annulled - problem solved!

Which is what I think this scene is about, given that everyone seems happy. (Side note: I think that the image of them in the same clothes where TK looks worried, and Carlos seems to be comforting him could be from before Iris arrives and TK is nervous about how she might respond).

But it’s all fine, she’s happy for them and they make arrangements.

Only, DUN DUN DUN plot twist! Something happens to Iris (probably linking back to some other plot that has been bubbling away in the background) and she goes missing/needs rescuing first:

Anddddd, that’s all I got.

[sunriseverse]

If you're still interested in these asks 4 for 'the water remains water' and 9 please?

of course! i’m always interested in ask memes, especially ones about writing :)

4: What detail in [insert fic] are you really proud of?

ah, for the water remains water, probably the second portion and slowly showing xiaoge’s shifting mental state! i think i did a decent job, and i’m very happy with how it turned out. i think that sort of thing (capturing an evolution in self-conceptualisation) is hard to pull off, and i think i wouldn’t have been able to do it justice even just last year, but i’ve improved enough as a writer to be able to handle it now, and that’s something i’m very proud of.

9: How do you find new fic to read?

i am a serial tag stalker. i probably check my favourite tags a minimum of once every two days. i’ve been through the tags for my favourite pairings in entirety at least three times, with each time increasing the net of what i’m willing to read (first time i’m the most picky, but by the third time the only things i filter out are those which i am truly, 100% unwilling to even touch). in larger fandoms checking things repeatedly helps me stay on top of the tag and avoid a backlog of works i haven’t seen, though in smaller fandoms it drives me a little batty when nothing new has been posted in a week lol. i also occasionally have things recommended by friends, which increases the likelihood of me actually reading whatever it is. i used to get recommendations off of fic rec lists, but………..those seem to be a dying breed these days, unfortunately.

[indiaalphawhiskey]

Hello India,

I am a frequent reader of your blog and I have found interesting your answers to some recent asks about Harry and his relationship with the industry. I think we share the same perspective, to start with that he is not a victim and that he is a mature worker with more experience in his professional field than most of us had when we were his age.

There is an area that always confuses me from this angle and I would like to know your opinion if you wish to share it: When it comes to the stunts, how do we perceive Harry. During all these years we have witnessed he wasn't "happy" with none of them; of course, there are different "levels", I can tell how the actual is giving us the most upsetting looks in him. Also, is not the same as being an 18-year-old pushed into it as being a young adult that has evaluated his options and for many different reasons (and implications that I am not going to list but we all can consider) is now involved in one.

I try to make sense of it, stunt-couples are commonly seen for promo and other reasons too, we can recognize many "public" ones out there now and they don't concern me in a sense of "they are having a hard time" while at it. I have read how fans openly say how they "would be upset if Holivia showed a friendly bond" or how they celebrate perceiving this distance because, in the end, it is another confirmation of how fake this is. I don't know how to feel about this, I am here looking at his body language despite the situation they are in, and I only get these horrible vibes.

All these public appearances are brief. On one hand, I think he can anticipate them, get ready, they are planned, he is an actor, he knows, he is aware of it; and on the other hand, why does he have to even pretend? maybe he really doesn't want to fake it, maybe this is his way of showing his discomfort towards it or the industry, or as those fans said, to let us know this is not his thing. Bottom line, should I be worried? what is your take on it?

Thank you and sorry for the long ask

Hi, darling!

Wow, okay, lots of interesting conversations in my inbox today. Let me preface this by saying that I’m not (and never have been) in the habit of telling people how to feel. The fandom, and larries, are not a monolith (I think Twitter has proved that extensively) and I think we have to be very aware that there is no right/wrong way to perceive or emotionally react to the narratives we’re being fed. We’re human, we’re going to feel things — unique, rational, irrational things. We can’t help it. We hold onto thoughts that comfort us, and are triggered by thoughts that make us sad or uncomfortable. What’s important is that, whether happy or sad, we each self-soothe in a way that doesn’t hurt ourselves or others, and when it gets to the point where it might, we know when to walk away.

So, in line with that, I’m not here to tell you how you should feel, but I’ll tell you how I feel about stunts, and anything that fits you can take, and anything that doesn’t you can leave behind. 🙂

Harry is 28 years old and has been in this industry for 12 years. It’s naive to think he plays no active part in arranging, negotiating, or participating in stunts — this is his life. More than anything, I would think that that was one of the big negotiating points of his solo contracts: that he would have some level of control over these things. You can see the shift in control in subtle things, like the way he very rarely confirms a stunt relationship (I can only recall the Zack Lowe interview) and how, for as much as he can help it, his stunts are kept off of social media which at least somehow limits the use of it as online fodder (something that can’t be said for other stars, like Camilla and Shawn).

But like I mentioned before, multiple things can be true at the same time, and one truth that I think is important to get comfortable with is that there’s a lot we’ll never know. We’ll never really know just how much leverage and negotiating power Harry has over these narratives or how his stunts are selected. We’ll never know what freedoms and priorities he deems important enough that he’s willing to exchange participation for. We’ll never really know how he feels about his closet in relation to his career. We’ll never really really really know how he feels about his stunt partners (although we can read body language and actively compare that to people we know he chooses to spend time with, we have to admit: we don’t actually know and we’re always looking at things with personal bias attached.)

Personally, I think that Harry is a good person, and that he’s kind and professional, and whatever common ground he can find with O for example, comes from the place of wanting to act appropriately and professionally (I’ve personally worked with a handful of truly awful people, and I have put on a fake smile and treated them like a person just like every adult has had to do, because while I can’t control how awful people are, I can control how I am perceived in a professional environment.)

Alongside Harry being a people pleaser (he just admitted to it yesterday) he’s also smart, and smart people (who have experience in this industry and know how much personal reputation matters) will not be petty enough to burn bridges when there is no need. That said, even the best actors are human and have their limits. I think Harry is very aware of the difference between fans who will accept what they’re told on the surface, and those that will dig deeper (see: his quote about the doors as clues), and that’s why I think he doesn’t try too hard to sell his stunts because he knows the people who believe it believe it, lackluster participation or not, and those who want to see beyond it will already know what he looks like when he’s truly happy and comfortable.

TL;DR — there’s a lot we’ll never know about how Harry feels about stunting and the extent of his “freedom” within these constraints. He acts appropriately and professionally around a person who is essentially a colleague, but as we know, Harry’s natural charm can easily be misconstrued. I think if you take a moment to really think about why you might worry, you’ll find the answer isn’t actually rooted in how he does or does not participate in the stunt but rather in the honest discomfort that you’ll never be 💯 certain of anything (and I mean literally anything), and that’s not a great feeling (nor is the constant gaslighting by the people around us easy to swallow), but that’s reality. Trust your gut. There’s a reason you looked into Larry and became a Larrie, and it wasn’t because of a visual narrative or the pics-and-quotes-or-it-didn't-happen "stone cold facts" print media was selling you. 😉

[spilledkauffie]

Game Night

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader Word Count: 2.2k T/W: fluff A/N: Part 2 of Bingo — a few months later

I am SO SORRY this took me way longer to post than it should have!

Bucky Tag List: @anreeixcobra ❤︎ @tsnelf7 ❤︎ @fandom-princess-forevermore​

It was Friday night, which meant one thing: Game Night. Ever since Yori introduced you at Bingo, you made it a tradition in your relationship to play board games on Fridays. For the most part you kept it to fairly modern games, but tonight was going to be a surprise.

Tonight it was your place, 8 o’clock. Bucky showed up with a six pack of root-beer in glass bottles. You added a few to the fridge as he found his usual seat at your apartment table. He waited for you to round the small apartment’s bar and join him. Sliding the glass bottles across the table to Bucky, you smiled, biting in your bottom lip, as he slid your bottle back, now without its top.

Easily he popped the top off his own bottle with his left hand; it was as he was about to take a sip that he caught sight of your look, “what?” he furrowed his eyebrows, questionably. 

“So. . . tonight,” you tried not to giggle.

“What?” Bucky asked again, this time finding himself following your smile despite his will not to.

“Tonight is going to be special,” you clasped your hands together, “because I found some stuff that’s as old as you.”

“Wow, thanks,” Bucky said sarcastically, taking a sip, shaking his head, blinking softly as he saw you rush to convince him it would be fun. Sighing deeply, he gave in, “alright, what is it?”

“I’ll be right back,” you twirled on your heel and left the room.

Returning to shaking his head and the glass bottle, he paused after settling the bottle on the table. It’d been a long time since anyone cared about anything actually as old as him. He’d been pretty good at keeping up with the times, a lot of things he knew just got an upgrade, but the thought of something from his actual childhood felt a little heartwarming. 

“Okay,” you declared, reentering the room with a stack of vintage boxes in your arms that made Bucky lean back in his chair out of shock, “here we are.” 

His jaw dropped a little at what you had brought out as you set the stack on the table. Watching you take a deep breath and exhale with a smirk, he shook his head, this time silently asking “how?” You set your hands atop the stack, rapping your fingers across the top box as you smiled again. 

Smoothing your hands out across the box top, you cleared your throat, “no peeking,”  bringing Bucky’s attention entirely to you. 

“Option number one,” you held up the rectangular shape with severely faded letters across it, “Scrabble, released 1938.” The box very gently met the table, “option number two,” you looked at him attempting not to giggle as you saw him cross his arms over his chest, genuinely listening to you intently, “Sorry! released 1934, Battleship, original pen and paper game,” you clarified, he lifted his eyebrows, impressed, “and last but not least, Monopoly, released 1935.”

“Wow, you uh- you really did your research,” he commented, looking over the stack of authentically vintage boxes.

“Of course,” you shrugged with a smile, “my boyfriend’s 106, if I want to bring back some childhood nostalgia, that requires some research. . . and late hour ebay bidding in our case.”  

He nodded, a faint smile showing, before it faded with his next words, “I hope you didn’t do too much research on me,” he looked up, hand resting on Monopoly.

You calmly slid down into the seat across from him and stared with a kind smile still on your lips, reaching to touch his hand, you stroked your thumb against his knuckles, “I’m more of a first hand account, direct source, kind of girl when it comes to people,” the corner of his mouth tugged into a smile. 

You knew, just not everything, and he wasn’t sure he was prepared to have another living soul know it all quite yet. Luckily, you were someone who seemed to actually understand that.

“Or,” you announced, lifting a pointer finger, as if requesting a pause whilst you went to a nearby drawer, returning with a much smaller box, “we can get really really old school, even for you” the box met the table top, “standard 52 card deck, English edition, circa 1516. . .obviously not original.”

Bucky chuckled, looking to you, tonguing his cheek, before picking up the cards, “I hate to tell you, but that’s just a little before my time,” he squinted at you, teasingly.

Biting your lip, your shoulders shifted with the giggle that came after his comment, “so, come on,” you sat back down, this time with your elbows on the table and hands laced, to support your resting chin on top of them, “what should I beat your butt in?”

“Oh,” Bucky, attempting to appear insulted, began raising his eyebrows, “you think?”

“Yeah,” you laughed your words while looking at his serious face, “I think, better yet, I know.”

“Well, I don’t know where you get your confidence from. You know you are talking to a local senior Bingo night champion,” he shrugged with a head tilt, as if that was supposed to be a big deal.

“Woooow,” you drew out, smiling uncontrollably.

“But,” he sighed, “okay,” he shook his head once, accepting your challenge, “let’s go, you’re on! Monopoly,” he brought the box towards himself as you set the others on the floor next to your chair.

You watched as he picked up the little metal pieces, examining each one individually. There was an expression you’d never seen before, he was remembering something positive from his past. A memory that sparked a smile that you helped bring about. He surveyed the board, with all its bright colours and familiar street names.

“It’s been-” he paused, looking upward, doing the math in his head, “it’s been 85 years since I played this game,” setting each piece he stopped at the boat, laughing to himself, “you know, Steve used to always be the battleship.” 

A soft smile came across your lips, while you watched him remember exactly how to set it up. You picked the Scottie dog and he picked the vintage race car piece.

“Were you always the race car?” you ventured, wanting to know more about his childhood, you knew he didn’t talk about it often.

“Oh,” he glanced to the piece he had just naturally picked up without a thought, “yeah, well, I think,” he gave a quick, but somber smile, before clearing his throat, and actually looking up, “and my sister, whenever she’d actually manage to get mom and dad to let her stay up with us, she’d always be the thimble,” he leaned back in his chair, smiling, “whenever it was her turn to move she’d put it on her finger and hop it down the street names.” He leaned back to the table, “we never made her go to jail, even if she landed on it, Steve would make up some rule that let her skip it.” 

“That’s really sweet of you guys,” you said, looking softly at his smile.

“Yeah,” he swallowed, “but don’t think you can skip jail,” he changed his tone, preferring not to dwell on the past even if it was positive. 

“Don’t think I’ll be visiting,” you smirk confidently, “better watch out for the money man yourself.” 

“Wow, who is this?” he dropped his jaw, “she’s so sarcastic, does Yori know this side of you? Do you sneak jellybeans under the table or something evil like that?”

Laughing, you took your root-beer, “just give me my $1,500 so the smack down can actually begin.”

Two hours later, after a long battle between Boardwalk, control over the railroads, and many, many visits to jail, you sat back, lips quirked, arms across your chest as your little Scottie sat in jail.

“And three thousand, six hundred, and five. . . I’m sorry, but that leaves you,” Bucky set his elbows on the table, wincing at you, “bankrupt.”

“Fine,” you huffed jokingly, giving your best pout,“you win.”

“Aww, c’mon,” Bucky reached out a hand to touch your forearm comfortingly, accompanied by a smile you couldn’t deny.

“You wanna go again?” You offered seriously, resting your hand on top of his tenderly, happy to see him so happy.

“It was really fun, but let’s play something else, this time you pick,” he offered.

Breaking into a smile, you gave a nod, and he asked what you had in mind. It took a moment, you wanted to make this good, and you wanted to see it be a little more of a struggle for him, if you were honest. 

“You know, I know it’s later than your. . .original timeline, but there’s this fantastic game called Twister,” you smirked, perking an eyebrow to ask if he was up for it. 

“Twister?” He repeated you, tilting his head like a confused puppy, “what’s Twister?”

“I’ll show you, but,” you glanced over to your small apartment living room, “we might need to arrange the furniture a little.”

“Don’t worry,” Bucky stood, “I can handle that.” 

Smiling, you stand, “okay, just push it all to one side, I’ll get the game.” 

Ten minutes later, shoeless, you both stood looking over the polka dotted sheet on the floor. Nodding happily to yourself, Bucky shook his head almost in fear. 

“Make sense?” You asked, having just explained the very simple rules, you turned to face him.

“Oh, I’m sorry I asked,” he sighed, shouldering off his jacket and tossing it onto the couch along with his glove, “yeah, it makes sense,” he set his hands on his hips, pondering this new game intently. 

“Okay, you first,” you held up the spinning arrow, and began.

One hand and foot at a time, sometimes struggling to reach the spinner, but you both made it work pretty well. Having kept to one side of the sheet, it came time to get a smidge more twisted.

Bucky managed to keep balanced and spin a green dot with his left arm, conveniently it placed him right over you. As he began to reach for green, he carefully calculated how best to approach the green dot in order to keep his balance. It was a pretty far reach and he’d need to balance himself whilst reaching over you. 

“What’s the matter old man, can’t quite move like you used to?” you shamelessly giggled. 

Raising his eyebrows at your tone, “ohhh, wow,” Bucky said sincerely, finally placing his left arm over you and to a green dot, now above you he tilted his head sassily, “respect your elders.”

His last sentence only made your giggle turn into a genuine laugh. You closed your eyes and threw your head back a little. Admittedly, Bucky thought it was funny too, but he didn’t laugh, he just took in your smile and the sound of your laugh, enjoying every single moment of it.

When you brought your head back up, you were about to respond sassily, but instead you found his lips meeting yours. With a small squeak of surprise, you relaxed into the kiss, glad that he was finally confident enough with you to take a chance now and then. He tasted like vanilla root beer, which mixed wonderfully with the scent of his cologne you were finally close enough to smell. 

It was soft and slow at first, but slowly, with his right hand palming the arch of your back, you eased into his touch, lower back almost meeting the floor as you both sunk down a little. You completely forgot about the game, as you reached your arms around his neck gently. Keeping the kiss close, you felt him hesitate to deepen it, so you gave him a small sign of encouragement, by moving your hand to the side of his neck, naturally bringing him even closer. 

You had no idea how long you’d been there, on that polka dot sheet, but it was such bliss that you didn’t even care. Smiling into the kiss, you felt him smile back. 

Parting, he pressed his forehead to yours, “I win,” he whispered, lips in a smile. 

“What?” was all you could ask, still mesmerised by the kiss. 

Bucky motioned his head to his left arm which happened to have been keeping the two of you steady. . . all the while remaining on the green dot. You dropped your arms from around his neck, to the floor, elbows supporting you as you looked up at him, shaking your head. 

“That does not count, Bucky,” you tried not to smile as he kept his arm as still as possible.

“What? But my hand’s still on green,” he dramatically gestured to it, making you bite your lip to repress a giggle, trying to match his seriousness.

Shoving his chest directly above you, he feigned an ‘ow!’ before you softly pull him closer again.

“If I kiss you are you gonna hit me again?”

You smirk, “I might if you don’t.” 

Bucky smiled, lips almost touching yours, “alright, sorry,” he smiled, voice almost a whisper as his lips brushed against yours, “I’m still learning the rules to this game.”

[makeste]

but I just feel too tired to be fighting

this is a follow-up post to what I said in my recap the other day about this arc being the Deku Angst arc, as opposed to the Villain Hunt arc or the Deku SIXQUIRKS Exhibition arc. I feel like the fandom discussion tends to focus on the flashier parts of the chapters -- the sexy villains and the new quirk reveals and the Shindous -- each week, and so the quieter emotional beats sometimes get overlooked, especially since the character arc here is playing out in little bits and pieces over time rather than all at once.

this has always been a very reactionary fandom, and there’s a tendency to judge the chapters week to week without ever going back to look at how they all fit into the big picture. so I figured I would try to attempt that, and basically go chapter by chapter here to look at what exactly Horikoshi is setting up and how it all fits together.

so let’s start with the end of chapter 306, which is when the arc officially kicks off. specifically with the very last page:

this is imo one of the best pages Horikoshi has ever drawn. I got the sense that this was a scene he’d had in his mind’s eye for quite a long time, and that he was excited to finally get to this part of the story. it’s extremely effective as both a chapter-ender, and an arc-opener. like, look at this:

it establishes the initial premise of the new arc -- the world is in chaos, and Deku is now seemingly on his own

it leaves the readers with a number of questions. why did Deku leave U.A.?? is he really on his own now?? why does he look so beat-up and exhausted?? what is he up to?? what is the world like now that all these villains have been unleashed and the heroes have been decimated?? and most importantly of all, what the fuck is going to happen next??

it pays homage to some of Horikoshi’s comic book influences -- Batman in particular

it dramatically hits us with that “THE FINAL ACT BEGINS” and lets us know that shit is getting real now

that’s some good shit. so much so that I think people tended to overlook the other notable thing about this page amidst all of the initial excitement and discussion and speculation about where the series was headed. and that is the fact that the final panel in this chapter is NOT the panel of Deku standing above the city. the very last panel, the one that this chapter actually ends on, is instead the close-up of Deku’s face. his face, which is covered in shadow; and his eyes, which have dark circles under them and are prominently missing the usual flecks of light that give him his signature “sunny optimistic shounen protagonist” look.

not to mention this last line here, which is a call back to the very first time we saw the 14-year-old Deku way back in chapter one.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Horikoshi chose to throw this reference in. nor is it a coincidence that THIS is the scene he actually chose to end the chapter on. what this does is show us the drastic shift in Deku’s emotional state of mind, and his attitude towards being a hero. he’s gone from being thrilled and excited to being jaded and exhausted. he’s matured, but at a great cost. it’s always been his dream to be a hero, but “be careful what you wish for” is a popular adage for a reason. and right now he looks the furthest thing from happy.

and this is the emotional beat that Horikoshi chooses to end the chapter on. this is the panel that closes out the War arc, and begins the final act. to me the message could not be clearer -- this arc will be about the exploration of Deku’s character, and his struggle as he tries to live up to the expectations that have been placed on him as the Last Holder of OFA and quite possibly the World’s Only Hope.

it’s a character arc that builds on a lot of the things we’ve already learned about Deku over the course of the series, such as the fact that he is reckless, and that he focuses on others often at the expense of himself. but more importantly, it’s an arc that finally expands on the dark side of what has up until now been a net positive for Deku -- the power of OFA. up until this point, despite its ups and downs, it’s been a boon for Deku overall and has allowed him to pursue his dream. but now we’re finally reaching the point where the monkey’s paw part of the OFA blessing/curse finally starts to come into play. OFA gives Deku more power than he could have ever dreamed of, but it also comes with a built-in destiny that he can’t opt out of whether he likes it or not. AFO is on the loose and out there trying to destroy the world. and now everyone has pinned their hopes on this sixteen-year-old kid, and the question of whether or not the sixteen-year-old kid is ready is apparently not one that anyone feels inclined to ask (possibly because they’re afraid that the answer might be “no”).

he doesn’t have a choice in the matter. he has to do it, because there’s no one else who can. that’s the kind of pressure that is on Deku now.

and on that note, we begin the Deku Angst arc.

chapter 307

this in hindsight was mostly just a set-up chapter to better establish the current state of the BnHA world at large (spoilers: it’s not good), while also providing an answer for one of the big initial questions of the arc -- namely, “what happened to all of those villains that AFO released from Tartarus?” these are important things to touch on, but the pacing could definitely have been better, and the bulk of the chapter was dedicated to providing fanservice to all of the Shindou fans who spammed the most recent popularity poll (which, whatever lol). anyway, so this was the sole chapter thus far with absolutely no Deku development. thankfully the arc picks up from there.

chapter 308

on to the next one! this was the one and only chapter thus far which I think actually qualifies as an “exhibition fight.” this was definitely all about showing off Deku’s current powerset, as well as introducing us to another of the SIXQUIRKS. however, there was Deku development here as well, most notably in this scene:

this is the scene that got a lot of people speculating that this arc was going to focus on Deku hunting down all of the old villains. but I think people got so caught up in that speculation that they overlooked what this scene tells us about Deku’s mindset. and yes, there is new information being revealed here, and it’s not just a rehash of the stuff we already knew. like yes, we know that Deku was shaken up by the recent encounters with Dabi and Tomura, and we know that made him start questioning why villains become villains in the first place, and all that good stuff, and that’s great. however, there are two additional important things that this scene helps establish for us.

the upcoming battle with TomurAFO is weighing heavily on Deku’s mind. this is something that will become a recurring theme in this arc. Deku is thinking about this constantly. the question of what to do when he finally encounters TomurAFO again is knocking incessantly at the back of his mind, and this won’t be the last time it comes up.

Deku is using these villain encounters as test runs. can Tomura be redeemed?? is he just being stupid and naïve?? or is this really something worth attempting?? the interesting thing about this is that Deku’s resolve to save people is usually so strong and unwavering that it’s more than enough to overcome any doubts that he might have. but this time it seems like the repeated objections posed by the Vestiges and Gran Torino have really gotten to him. it’s possible I’m just reading way too much into things, but to me it really feels like Deku’s recent attempts at Talk no Jutsu were meant to do more than just show his growing awareness that the line between heroes and villains is thinner than he once imagined. they’re also serving as trial runs for the real test, when it finally comes. if he can “save” even a villain like Muscular, there’s hope for him being able to save Tomura as well. and so that moment when Muscular rejects him out of hand is all the more disappointing to him, even if it wasn’t really unexpected. basically it wasn’t the answer that he had been hoping for.

aside from those little notes though, like I said, this was unquestionably an exhibition fight first and foremost. which is fine; we needed to establish where Deku is currently in terms of strength, and it was also just fun to see him kick some ass, ngl. in terms of story purpose this chapter was similar to 219, which showed us how Shouto and Katsuki had powered up after getting their provisional licenses. people who don’t care about those characters might argue that these fights weren’t necessary, but as someone who stans all three characters hard, I would disagree! but anyways, moving on.

chapter 309

in contrast to the previous chapter, this chapter focuses more on establishing Deku’s current mental state, as opposed to his physical state. and this is what we learn:

(1) Deku is ~technically~ being shadowed/accompanied by All Might and the Hawksquad (but in practice he’s avoiding them).

(2) it was Deku’s own decision to leave U.A., and he did it because he didn’t want anyone else getting hurt in order to protect him.

and finally, (3) Deku’s game plan is to stop Tomura and All for One before they reach full power.

this last part is very important, because it means there’s a countdown in effect. as far as Deku is concerned, there’s only a finite amount of time before TomurAFO becomes unstoppable. which means that he’s not only under “gotta get stronger” pressure, but time pressure as well. he doesn’t have the luxury of taking his time and training in safety. he’s being rushed now; this is do-or-die.

this chapter is also the first in this arc in which we get to see Deku’s expressions without the hood covering up his face, and what we see is very telling. as previously stated, the light is gone from Deku’s eyes. he keeps his expressions very neutral, and the only time we even see a hint of a smile is when he hugs his mom in the flashback, and it’s clear from the dialogue (“it’s okay, I’ll come home to you”) that he’s doing it for her sake in order to comfort her.

but aside from that, this is very much not the Deku we’ve grown accustomed to. this is the chapter that really establishes his current mental state imo. above all else, he’s afraid that more people will get hurt because of him, and so he’s distancing himself from everyone around him. and he’s also morbidly preoccupied with the inevitability of having to face TomurAFO again, and soon. the chapter ends on the flashback of Gran giving him his cape, and telling Deku that “killing can be another way to save someone.” there’s a lot on this kid’s mind, to say the least.

chapter 310

this chapter opens with a gang of civilians who are trying to open fire on a nice fox lady whose only crime was walking around in the rain at night. Deku intervenes to save her, and it’s the first time in this arc that we see anything close to the “old” Deku, who just wanted to save people with a smile.

but it’s bittersweet, because all the lady can talk about is how scared she was, and how horrible everything is right now. and so Deku, who feels responsible in a lot of ways for everything that’s happened, just feels that much more pressure to somehow make things right again.

there’s also this extra throwaway line which is especially heartbreaking:

“I can’t afford to be around anyone.” fucking ouch. just reinforcing once more how incredibly isolated Deku is right now -- not by choice, but because he feels like it’s not safe to let anyone else get close to him. and so he’s out here running around this dystopian cityscape in the middle of the night in the pouring rain all on his own, and neglecting himself to the point where All Might practically has to force a bento on him.

but does he complain? of course not. because his focus is never on himself. instead, when he settles down to eat, his thoughts immediately drift back to, guess who...

it’s that time pressure once again. “unless I draw out One for All’s full power, I can’t stop any of this.” it’s just nonstop, I have to get stronger, I’m running out of time, I have to do better, and constantly thinking about that inevitable confrontation.

Deku is a thinker, you guys. and when left to his own devices he will overthink, every time. his mind will run in endless loops while he mentally works his way through all of the possibilities. and that’s one of his greatest strengths, don’t get me wrong, but at a time like this it’s also one of his greatest weaknesses. it’s just so fucking easy for him to get stuck in his own head, in his endless rambling thoughts and analyses. and without anyone else there to help distract him, or help him focus, he’s become fixated on his mission, and it’s slowly consuming him.

this, incidentally, is also the chapter in which we finally see Two and Three’s faces, and learn why Two in particular is so reluctant to lend his power to Deku. he appears to be the lone holdout at this point, so stay tuned on that, because I don’t doubt this will wind up being crucial to Deku’s future development, however it winds up playing out.

chapter 311

this chapter flips back to the Hawksquad for the first half, so we get a brief respite from the ongoing Dekuangst. right before we switch back though, we do get confirmation of something we had pretty much already guessed:

like, that much was already apparent based on what we’d seen (the bags under his eyes; the fact that he refused to sit still in any one place for very long even at night), but it’s always nice to get the official confirmation so that people can’t dispute it lol. so yeah, Deku isn’t sleeping much. and not eating much either, if all he’s getting is the occasional bento from Dadmight. so basically not taking care of himself at all, huge shocker there. but this is something that’s important enough to the story that Horikoshi took the time to point it out in the dialogue, in addition to all of the visual clues we’d already gotten.

and just in case we needed to drive that point in any further, this chapter ends with the appearance of Lady Nagant! like yeah, no shit Deku isn’t getting much sleep, what with him having to fend off racist civilians and hired assassins every five fucking minutes. smdh. can he live??

chapter 312

so this is the chapter that properly introduces Lady Nagant, who maaaay or may not be one of the primary antagonists of this arc?? like, it’s really unclear right now tbh, but she gets hyped up by Hawks and AFO, and has a flashback and a mysterious past and a weird trump card (where did you go, Overhaul) and all that good shit, so yeah? one can hope at any rate.

but anyway. so to his credit, Deku’s first thought is to retreat, but he quickly abandons that plan once he figures out Nagant’s location. this is played off like a logical strategic decision at first, but the subsequent chapter quickly makes it clear that Deku’s decision to take the fight to Nagant is less rational than he might have you think.

chapter 313

so yeah. last but not least, the most recent chapter, in which Deku’s real reason for targeting Lady soon becomes apparent:

what’s more, it quickly becomes clear that he miscalculated and probably would have been better off following Hawks’s advice, seeing as he promptly gets himself shot, and subsequently realizes that AFO gave Nagant an extra quirk, something he hadn’t taken into account. but instead of cutting his losses and running at this point, he doubles down instead and not only breaks out Smokescreen, but also the Third’s quirk which he has never even used before.

it’s worth noting that both En and the Third start telling him to chill at this point, and warn him that what he’s attempting is too dangerous. but tbh if they were expecting him to listen, they haven’t been reading the same arc I’ve been reading. once again, Horikoshi makes it clear that Deku has one thing and one thing only on his mind right now.

of course. once again it all comes back to this. hunt down AFO. it doesn’t matter that he’s exhausted. it doesn’t matter that he’s just been shot twice. it doesn’t matter that Hawks, despite knowing what Deku was capable of with his OFA abilities, specifically warned him away from this one person only. it doesn’t matter that even the Vestiges are trying to tell him you’re going too fast and you’re trying to do too much and it’s too dangerous.

he just doesn’t care. long story short, the only thing that matters to Deku right now is tracking down and defeating TomurAFO. and as the person who knows him best once so aptly put it, “he doesn’t take himself into account.” and therein lies the major challenge of this arc.

and so this is where we’re currently at now. and this has been a very long post, but if nothing else, I hope I was able to get this one point across: there is absolutely no way that Deku will be able to defeat TomurAFO as he is now. not a chance in hell. somehow he’s managed the uncommon feat of waging a war of attrition against himself, which is really quite an accomplishment. he’s not taking care of himself, and he’s refusing to listen to sound advice from the people surrounding him, and is trying to skip ahead to the final boss battle before he’s ready, because the guilt and pressure from feeling responsible for the current situation are eating him up. the only way that the world can go back to normal is if he can defeat AFO; therefore he has to do it as soon as possible, because time is running out and everyone is counting on him. this is who Deku is. and this is what inevitably happens when his saving mentality is taken to extremes, and left unchecked.

anyway so to wrap up this post now, I do think this arc is a lot more cohesive than it’s gotten credit for thus far, and Deku is the glue holding it all together. I for one am loving the exploration of his character and all the subtle little angsty touches as we build up to the big moment, whenever it finally comes. just keep in mind though that if his decisions right now seem reckless and short-sighted, it’s because they’re supposed to seem that way, because Deku is not in a good mental state right now. the cracks are finally showing in our perfect protagonist, just like everyone has been wanting this whole time. he is just a kid. he is doing his best. he is trying far too hard to do his best, and it is hurting him so badly, but he doesn’t even realize. this arc is not an endorsement of the Angsty Nomad Hero lifestyle, lol. it’s the exact fucking opposite, and I think it’s being wildly misinterpreted with all of the emphasis on “oh look at that, he mastered another quirk with no effort”, as opposed to “oh look at that, he is shutting down emotionally and is a few more missed nights of sleep away from a complete and total breakdown.”

tl;dr the overarching storyline of this arc is all about Deku slowly falling apart due to his trauma from Jakku, and the subsequent pressure that was put on him by the Vestiges with their whole “GUESS WHAT, YOU’RE THE LAST USER OF OFA, THAT’S RIGHT, IT’S ALL ON YOU BUDDY” pep talk. and mark my words, things are not going to go according to plan. something is going to go terribly wrong here. whether it’s something happening to All Might, or AFO setting up a trap for him, either way Deku is being set up to fail in a major way. unless of course, someone (or a group of someones) manages to intervene first, and possibly stage an intervention or something. it’s what he needs right now, but idk if Horikoshi is going to make it that easy.

anyway, but in other words, the point of this arc is not to show how much stronger Deku has gotten and how he doesn’t even need his friends anymore. it’s the exact opposite -- the point of this arc is to show that Deku needs his friends now more than ever. that in spite of OFA and all of its mystical trappings and fancy SIXQUIRKS, Deku can’t do this alone. he needs his friends. that’s the core message. and right now, we are at the “I can get by on my own” part of the story. and the part we are all waiting for, but which is coming -- I guarantee it is coming, you guys -- is “the thing is, you don’t have to.”

and that shit is going to slap hard you guys. and I for one can’t wait. but until then, enjoy the angst.

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Slumbering Hearts (Alcina Dimitrescu/Reader, Soulmate AU) Pt. 2

Fandom: Resident Evil: Village Rating: T for language Warnings: None Summary: In a wicked twist of fate, you find out your soulmate is none other than your employer, Lady Dimitrescu. To your misery, she (at first) seems equally displeased, her heart already belonging to another. But in time, the two of you find yourselves wondering… could the universe be right, after all? Soulmate AU in which every person has a unique “soul mark”, which they share with their soulmate. Notes: Reader gets a bit of a backstory here, with just enough concrete details to serve the plot in future chapters. Hopefully enough is kept vague for people to enjoy it. Now... Time to meet your new kids-in-law/the gremlins :) Previous Chapters: 1: In The Shadow Of Giants

2: Uncertain Destinations

“You already know my name, as well as my fate, and I have neither threats nor demands to make of you. I am at your mercy, regrettably, with nothing more to say. Shall we consider ourselves ‘introduced’? Or is there more you wish to ask of me?” You wonder, eying ‘Alcina’ with a bored expression. It felt odd to refer to her that way, even within the confines of your mind. She had been ‘Lady Dimitrescu’ for as long as you could remember; starting with your years in the village, and continuing through your months here at the castle. One day, perhaps, you would grow used to calling her by her first name. For now, you simply hoped to focus on other matters.

“Tell me of yourself, your past. Who were you before you came here?” Alcina asks, surprising you. What did it matter, now that you were stuck here? At first you shrug, avoiding eye contact, not wanting to open yourself up to her. But before long she’s placed a hand on your shoulder, applying just enough pressure to encourage you to speak. You win this round, you think.

“Somehow I doubt you’ll find it terribly interesting. I was born in the outskirts of the village, on a small farm, just like any other. I had a pet dog, went to ‘school’ with my neighbors, and spent my weekends volunteering with the church. The only thing you might not expect is that I lived outside the village for about a decade. Traveled for a while, never really staying anywhere for terribly long. Eventually, I got tired, and so I came back to help my parents with what little property they had left,” you explain, quietly. Being vague had been intentional, considering the nature of a few details. Did she need to know why you had left? Or that you had once revered Mother Miranda?... No, because if she learned that, it would not be long before she learned that you had changed your mind years ago. Something told you that she wouldn’t appreciate your lack of faith in her mistress. “That was six months ago, roughly. Barely got to spend time with my parents before I was ‘donated’ to the staff here.”

“Not many ever leave the village. Those that do rarely, if ever, return. How particular,” Alcina replies, giving a soft hum. There’s something in her expression that tells you she’ll eventually ask you to elaborate. For now, however, she seems content to move on. Internally you sigh in relief. “I suppose this is sufficient to sate my curiosity, for the time being. Now come with me, I’d like to introduce you to my daughters, to ensure that they understand you are… off limits.” With that said she stands, once more reminding you just how small and fragile you are in comparison, before heading towards the exit. You’re nearly forced to jog in order to keep up with her long strides. As she leads you through hallways, down a flight of stairs, and past several nervous looking maidens, she slows down the slightest bit, having eventually noticed your struggle. Admittedly, that’s more kindness than you would have anticipated. Perhaps she was used to adjusting her pace for her daughters?

Whatever the reason, you do appreciate it. Still, by the time you arrive at your destination, the castle’s library, your legs are feeling the smallest bit sore. Brushing off the ache, you follow Alcina inside. Then you’re taking in the sights, having not been here before, admiring the impressive collection. Glad I’m not responsible for cleaning this place, you think as you pass by dozens of filled shelves. Before long you encounter the three daughters. They’re sitting in a semi-circle, each with their own book, though they’re quick to sit up once they spy their mother. One by one they’re smiling up at her, not even sparing you a moment’s glance. Admittedly you’re glad for that. What good could come from their attention, especially when they don’t yet know who you ‘truly’ are?

“I’m glad to see you’re all in one place, my darlings. There has been a… development, of sorts,” Alcina says, speaking in the same tone one might use to address a faculty meeting. In a less intimidating household, it would have been much harder to hold in a laugh. Was this always how she spoke to her children? For their sake, you hoped not (though the concept was amusing). Regardless, it is at this point that the daughters notice you, with one of them looking intrigued enough to send a shiver down your spine. You’re pretty sure her name is Daniela, being the only one you haven’t met before today. A toothy grin spreads on her lips, and once you make eye contact you swear that she winks at you. This literally could not be any worse, you think, unable to stop yourself from frowning.

“Does it have to do with this little thing?” Daniela purrs, taking a step towards you. Instantly both Alcina and yourself are tensing up. While your soulmate shifts in front of you, an incredibly faint rosy tint to her cheeks, all you can do is pinch the bridge of your nose between two fingers.

“This ‘little thing’ is not your newest playtoy, Daniela. Rather, they are my-” she hesitates, disliking the way the word feels in her mouth- “soulmate. I expect the three of you to behave, understood? At the very most, you are allowed to prevent them from leaving the premises, but even then I expect you to remain gentle. Have I made myself clear?” Alcina asks. Now she’s not the only one blushing, as Daniela looks so embarrassed that you wonder if she’ll pass out. Maybe now you’ll think twice about flirting with everyone you meet, you think, remembering the various rumors you’ve heard about her. For a moment, part of you imagines what your relationship with her would look like, were you to continue ‘courting’ her mother. Could this be a moment you could torment her with for life? Get some cheeky revenge for all the maidens who couldn’t risk it? A lovely thought, though one soon interrupted.

“Of course, mother. We will not lay a single finger on them, unless we have no other choice. Right, sisters?” Bela replies, turning to her siblings with an expectant look. Neither of them seem terribly pleased, but they nod, each giving their own verbal affirmations. All three spend a few moments glancing you over, reevaluating you now that they know who you are, appraising your worth. It’s not hard to imagine that they all find you lacking- at least in comparison to their mother. “Are introductions in order? We’ve met before, but I hardly know anything about them. It would be… nice to properly meet the newest edition to our family.” The way Bela says the words makes you nervous, and the way Cassandra grins only worsens the feeling.

“If you desire such, I see no reason to forgo such a thing. Perhaps the three of you could give them a tour? I must return to my duties, and I doubt they have seen much of the castle, given their… former occupation,” Alcina admits, softly. Was this a confirmation that you’d no longer have to spend every day working yourself to the bone? On one hand you were somewhat relieved, but you also regretted the possible loss of your preferred coping method. Worse, were you really going to spend who knows how long with the dreaded Dimitrescu daughters? They were going to rip you to shreds, at least verbally, you were sure of it. How could you ever meet their expectations? If they were anything like their mother, you would never be enough to satisfy them. Or at least that is what you assumed.

“I’ve seen a fair bit,” you interject, awkwardly, hating the way it brings everyone’s gaze back to you. Alcina’s lips twitch, as she fights back a frown. Evidently she didn’t appreciate you countering her suggestion.

“Please, we insist,” Bela fires back, a pleasant tone covering her thinly-veiled animosity. “I’m sure we’ll have a wonderful time getting to know each other. You do want to learn more about your soulmate’s children, don’t you?” Something about the way she speaks makes you want to laugh. When you smile back at her, it’s without a hint of any placating intentions, rather a dewdrop of mischief. Bold of her to assume that you wanted to make her mother happy. After all, it was clear from her phrasing that this was a ‘test’, a ruse to ‘reveal your true colors’ to Alcina. But you were as uneasy about your part in this as Bela was, neither of you finding yourself a suitable match for Alcina. Despite the way she narrows her eyes at you, her mother is smiling again, glad that she had a way to keep you occupied for the time being.

“It’s settled then,” she says, moving to give each of her daughters a kiss on top of their heads. They giggle at the affection, looking rather proud of themselves. Then she turns to you, hesitating, clearly having the instinct to give you a kiss as well. Half of you wants to stand on your tippy-toes, expectantly, wondering if she’d do it (and how flustered it would make her). Instead, you pretend not to notice, accepting the awkward shoulder pat she ends up giving you. “I will see you this evening, for dinner. Do try to enjoy yourself. But don’t forget-” she leans in until her mouth is right next to your ear, breath tickling your neck- “behave yourself. I will not tolerate any tomfoolery, understood?” Alcina does not pull away until you’ve nodded, and you do not relax until the library door has shut behind her.

Except now you’re alone with her daughters. Wonderful.

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Dealing with finances was not, to put it simply, Alcina’s ‘favorite’ activity. Although she employed someone to handle the majority of the paperwork, she made sure to go over it herself to ensure accuracy. There were many aspects to her business, being both legitimate and illegitimate, technically. One could never be too careful about their records. After all, failing to file tax returns had taken down Al Capone, of all people. Who was to say that such a mistake, or one in a similar vein, could not damage House Dimitrescu? Certainly it wouldn’t be enough to ruin them entirely, but it could lead to certain ‘nuisances’ bothering the village. At the end of the day, Alcina cared more about the impact it would have on Mother Miranda than anything else, even the possible decline of her household.

A nasty habit, really. Few knew the extent of her self-entitled devotion to the cult leader. The only bond that ran deeper was that she had with her daughters, who meant more to her than she could ever vocalize. Even then, she viewed them as a gift from Miranda, which in turn strengthened her love for the woman. Now that love leaked into everything she did. With a flourish of her pen, she signed away some of this month’s earnings. So what if she already ‘donated’ a large portion of her income to the village and its leader? Certainly this was a way to show the level of her devotion? Certainly Miranda would take notice, eventually? Praise her for it? Take Alcina’s hand in her own, thumb caressing her skin, eyes filled with a long-sought affection?...

The sound of passing footsteps brings her back into the moment, and Alcina stares down at the mountain of paperwork she’d yet to approve. With a deep sigh she readjusts her reading glasses, sets the finished document aside, then gets back to work. A part of her mind soon starts to drift to other subjects. To you, primarily. Would your affection be easier to gain? Steadier?... But could it, in any way, compare to Miranda’s? No matter how she tries to brush the thoughts away, they nip at her heels, circling her head like vultures. Only time would give her the relief she so desperately sought.

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“So, don’t tell me you really think you’re my mother’s soulmate, right?” Cassandra says, somewhat grumbling, as you trail behind Bela. It’s less than five minutes into the tour, with the siblings having behaved so far, focused on actually showing you around. At her words, both her sisters started walking slower. Their gazes were still locked ahead of themselves. The way they positioned themselves, however, made it clear that they were listening. “Is it some elaborate scheme, hmm? Did you spend a dozen hours with the other servants, noting every last detail about her soul mark, before copying it? Do you really think that you’ll get away with this?” Well, ‘twas good to know who the most paranoid of the three were.

“Ah, yes, it’s all a great, horrible ruse. You’ve caught me red-handed, I’m afraid,” you chime, sarcastically. A hand goes to your forehead as you fake faintness. “I’m just so desperate to be scrutinized by yourself and your mother, to have my every movement watched, to somehow be less free than I already was. I simply… cannot… believe… that you saw through my bluff.” With that you give a dramatic sigh, pausing in the hallway to give Cassandra a judgemental look. If not for Alcina’s instructions to keep you safe, you’re certain she would have beheaded you on the spot. “I’m not claiming to understand the universe’s decision. But I’m also not giving up immediately, no matter how much the three of you scare me.” At that, Bela stops in her tracks, slowly turning to you. Instinctively you go to take a step backwards, only for Cassandra to catch you, holding you in place. Next thing you know, the oldest daughter is grabbing your head, staring you right in the eyes.

“Answer one question, and maybe I’ll make sure you don’t fall victim to some tragic, unfortunate accident. Can you see yourself loving my mother?” Bela asks, more intense than you’ve ever seen her before. Despite that, you don’t tremble, swallowing your fear long enough to reply.

“Honestly? I don’t know. She’s terrifying… and beautiful. Cruel to some of the maidens I’ve met… and loving to you three. I… I don’t know if I can love her,” you admit, gulping. “But isn’t that part of the point of trying? To find out? I am going to try, for both my sake and hers, to love her. To cherish her. What more would you ask of me? I cannot tell you how the days to come will go, whether or not your mother will enjoy them, or even whether she could love me. This is not a situation you can threaten into resolving the way you want it to. So let me go, finish the tour, and give me a chance. You owe your mother that much, do you not?” Soon enough the hands keeping you in place loosen their grip, and Bela turns away with a scoff. Honestly, you can hardly believe that your little speech worked. You aren’t given much time to celebrate, however, as the sisters quickly resume their walking. Before long, Daniela is speaking up between giggles.

“I like this one already.”