#I just really like the idea of Astarion enjoying sex with tav/durge but wanting to focus on the emotional intimacy that’s completely alien

[heylittleriotact]

Really into the idea of Astarion being so taken with Tav/Durge before the Act 2 confession scene, but not knowing how to express it outside of sex because that’s all he knows, and for once in his life something that was synonymous with humiliation and entrapment and violence feels so strangely different in a good way, but he wants to try to figure out how else to express it, he just doesn’t know where to start, plus he feels v guilty about the whole manipulative seduction thing and isn’t sure he even deserves to.

[alijuan]

Ascended Astarion is true unlike Spawn Astarion who pretends to be good for Tav

If i see that opinion again i will explode🫠

It's funny because Astarion will only approves if you persuade him not to perform the ritual.

A lot of people don't understand the concept of grey morality and it shows. Many people justify him but this type of AA fan thinks worse of him than he really is. He needs the ritual not because he's a power-hungry villain, but because he needs safety for himself and his lover. Depending on Tav/Durge's actions, he either stays with the feeling of fear (AA is still afraid deep inside, the game files confirm this) or he fights against it and becomes truly free of Cazador and fear (spawn ending). The dialogue with Durge about not being afraid is wonderful and shows difference between SA and AA.

Astarion: This little adventure of ours has taught me that we can't let our lives be ruled by fear. Or else we never really live. Astarion: I'm not afraid. Not of you, not of your darkness, and not of our future.

The point of the spawn ending is that Tav/Durge saw him as more than just an outward image of a power-hungry killer incapable of becoming a better person. But if you can't see beyond that image, he will think that he has no choice but to continue living in the world that Cazador has built for him. If you think that AA is his best ending because he is evil then you have failed to understand his whole personality.

I feel safe with you. Seen.

Despite of his love of killing (he is a vampire after all), he repeatedly showed compassion and guilt for luring people. Before the ritual, he literally convinced himself that he should kill spawn for power. Astarion rationalises this to protect his psyche, because he’s clearly not the type of guy who can sacrifice thousands of people to the devil and not feel anything about it.

Durge/Tav: This isn’t you, Astarion. Not really. Astarion: It should be.

I really like that the player technically makes the insight check and that there’s an advantage when they're romancing Astarion. Tav/Durge could see through the image Astarion was trying to create. They saw an elf whose fear prevented him from seeing all the possibilities.

Astarion: When I look at my future, anything and everything feels possible now.

Just as Astarion saw Durge not just as serial killer, but as someone who could defeat Urge and become a better person.

Durge: I am myself at last. You don't need to fear anything from me ever again. Astarion: I knew you had that sweat heart all along. I was alarmed by you sometimes, scandalised even, but somehow by your side, I still only ever saw you.

AA fans also often ignore the fact that the game has good and bad endings in the companion stories. And it's not about morality. All companion quests are literally about how the desired and obvious path leads to a bad ending. And Astarion is no exception. In a good ending, he gets the chance to heal and finally acceptes himself and his vampire nature, in a bad ending, he gives up and regresses as a person.

Spawn Astarion knows what he wants and says it. SA is ready for a relationship and sex. Ascended Astarion can’t answer the question of what he wants, so he acts as a vampire lord should. AA is literally back to the state of the first act and has started manipulating Tav/Durge through sex again (even repeating the same phrases). This is why he doesn’t really want sex (he approves if you choose the no sex option and he definitely dissociated during the sex scene) unlike Spawn Astarion who initiated it.

Spawn Astarion is the same Astarion who enjoys “murder and terror” and you can see that clearly in his “hero” ending (more like “antihero”). And this is the ending without romance, he chose it himself. And the whole idea of him pretending to be good for Tav is actually meaningless without romance.

Ascended Astarion is the same Astarion, but stuck in a black and white world of fear and domination.

SA scene ends with hope music (instrumental version of I want to live) AA scene ends with chains.

And there’s so much more. Larian specifically showed the difference between good and bad endings in the dialogues, scenes after ritual, recent updates and even the interview so people would definitely understand, but they didn't🙃 Some AA fans (especially on youtube and larian forum) are on a new level of delusion.

[papastarion]

I know everyone has their different takes on Astarion’s character, and what they think his story should look like/what he would or wouldn’t do with his life after the events of the game, and I think they’re all valid. And not everyone is going to like your read or what you want him to pursue or be like after all is said and done. And there’s nothing wrong with that! Could you imagine how boring things would be if we all agreed? I personally love seeing the diversity of takes.

That being said, I am very much a fan of the idea of non-Ascended Astarion starting a family after everything, just me personally. Now, I know that’s a whole can of worms for people who don’t like that concept or who don’t like the idea of kids/pregnancy in their fiction. That’s completely fine. Funnily enough, I have no desire to have my own kids, but I love exploring that sort of lifestyle and the dynamic it creates when it comes to my characters in my own writing.

And I do think he wants kids, in my world state (to borrow a Dragon Age term), anyway.

I always go back to Astarion’s confession, when he says he wants “something real.” All those years where sex and love were nothing but a performance to seduce people and lure them to what he thought was their death. And now, with Tav/Durge, he wants the real thing. He wants to love and be loved.

He says he doesn’t know what “real” looks like anymore, which means he’s got to figure it out. And we know he isn’t much for plans, so that means a lot of what he learns is learned as he goes. That must extend to learning what he wants, too.

“I Want to Live” is the song that is consistently played in relation to his character development (despite being the players song.) Want. For all of those years, he was told by Cazador that he and his fellow spawn were a family. If he doesn’t ascend, then what he desires, and discovering what he wants, and taking what was false for so long and learning what the real version of it looks like to him all come together to make it easy for me to see him enjoying fatherhood.

He wouldn’t be Astarion without that prickly personality of his, but as his relationship with Tav/Durge progresses, you get to see the softness and sweetness he has in him, too. And I believe he really does mean it when he says he wants to protect them. He does genuinely care, as sarcastic and standoffish as he can be. That’s part of his personality and his character arc.

Now, do I think he likes all kids? Not at all. I think he likes certain kids, and for certain reasons. He may not encourage taking in Yenna, but he does insist on saving her from Orin. He seems to have a high opinion of Arabella. It depends on the kid. In a strange way, I think his own personhood being taken from him has made him view kids as more individual than most people tend to.

And I think he would adore his own kids because of who they are. They’re proof of how far he’s come, they’re proof that he’s alive and he’s living and that Cazador didn’t win in the end. He’s here. He won. He’s growing past everything.

And, most importantly: they’re his kid(s.)

Do I think he’s ever considered having children prior to having one, even before he was turned? I doubt it, honestly. But especially prior to his vampirism, I don’t think it matters whether he did or not. He can’t remember what color his eyes were, let alone what he wanted or who he was. And it doesn’t matter, he makes that much clear. He isn’t that person anymore, and he won’t ever get to be them again. So whether he had thought about children specifically or not, whether he wanted them or not, I don’t think that matters to him anymore.

He never saw himself as a hero, either, but he’s a Hero of Baldur’s Gate now. He cares. In his own way. And he defines and does things his own way in his life now. He’s still not your stereotypical hero, but he’s also no longer your stereotypical vampire. He wouldn’t be Astarion if he was easy to define. And after everything, he is still Astarion. He’s complex, and he can be quite contradictory and inconsistent. That’s both part of his personality and a result of the 200 years of trauma he survived, I think.

And again, he’s also not one for plans. I don’t think he considers being a father until Tav/Durge is telling him that he’s going to be one. And that kind of life-changing news can rattle even the people who have planned for it and wanted it their whole lives. Sure, I think it takes some getting used to, and I’m sure there are complex feelings that come with it. Rediscovering yourself and building a life are never easy. Living isn’t easy.

But this is another part of the life he’s living—really living. This isn’t the mockery Cazador forced the spawn to play pretend in, it’s a real family, his family. And I think that means everything to the person he chooses to be now.

[dracobrooklyn]

Durge x Reader Part 2

When you really like the design of the Cannon DragonBorn and his voice is like butter making you melt. I was sad you can't romance him and your the playable character instead. So Here I am going to write Headcannons of what if he was a romanceable NPC that was in your party.These are my thoughts taking bits and pieces from the Cannon and putting my thoughts and ideas into Durge.

|| MDNI || 18+ this will contain Themes of Language, Violence, and of course Sexual Content. DO NOT READ!!

Cannon!Durge x Tav!Fem!Reader

This will be in a Fem!Reader POV!!

Word count: 1,237

Part 2: Getting Closer.

TW: Death, the Mention of killing, fantasizing murder, nudity, Smut, and Oral sex.

Durge being in a party after slaying the Goblins and saving the Teifling folk and saving them from the Druids grove (He honestly wish he would have burn their tree down, cause fuck those guys). Everyone seem to be having a good time... well he really didn't have a good time. Shall we list those reasons? Well for one thing, he tried so hard to distract himself trying to block out those images of his nightmare. But the wine wasn't doing anything for him, guess Durge would have to drink at least 6 barrels of wine... but that wasn't happening, the other thing he wasn't a huge fan of being with so many people. People cheering him as a hero! It was nice for at least 2 seconds... but then it got more annoying that each drunk teifling came up to him "You are a hero mate, cheers!". He was trying to find you in all this madness. Some sort of familiarity and safety. But finding you, he saw you talking to Astarion. He was about to step up a little, but he noticed that he was flirting with you, and you seem to like it a lot. Kinda broke his little dark heart.

Deep down Durge wanted to grab Astarion. He wanted to choke him, he wanted to rip him apart, just to see his head fall of his shoulders, just to see him dead onto the ground and rip his intestines out feasting onto him... Durge felt sick all of a sudden, what was that? Why was he thinking that way? He had to get away, he needed air. He needed distraction. He then bumped into a teifling. Pretty little thing, Durge found out her name was Alfira, she talked with him, telling him how brave he was against the Goblins. Asking on what Lyrics she should use for her song... oh she was a bard. fantastic. Durge also noticed you were staring... he looked back at Alfira and even tried at his hand on flirting, just to maybe... maybe make you a little jealous? Even offered to have a one night stand with Alfira. Of course she took it. Leading her away from prying eyes into the forest.

Durge didn't take his time with stripping off his clothes, getting on top of Alfira kissing her, marking her with hickey's and bite marks from his teeth. Gods this was a perfect distraction. A good ol fuck to pass the night. Durge has a pretty good size for his cock and yes, Durge has a knot. He is pretty good in sex, so Alfira did sound like she was enjoying it. How he trailed his nips, and licking towards her breast, to her navel and finally to her core. Tasting her nectar that was glistening on her folds. She did taste divine... but he couldn't help but replace Alfira's face with yours. What would you sound like if he went down on you... what would you taste like? How soft and warm you would be in his claws, how he would made you came into his mouth, into his jaws to taste your sweet release. "jacida nhee kiabil". It was a blur though... he was so lost in the pleasure he became so feral... and once out of his haze he smelled... blood. He shook his head and looked down seeing was the once alive Alfira... dead, with her intestines ripped out all over the place. Durge standing back and even looked down at his hands... oh gods it's on him... did he do that? Panic coursed through his body. What has he done?!! He has to hide the body quick! He did so throwing her down the river watching it float away feeling sick... dirty... fucked up. He wash's himself in the river to get rid of the blood on his face and hands. God he felt sick, he needed to get back to camp, he needed sleep.

Durge of course not being able to sleep, he of course goes to walk out into the night, away from the party. The Nightmares were not helping either. He didn't want to wake you either. He was too busy trying to piece together the images from his images. He did write into the Journal you gave him but it still wasn't making any sense. Until he see's a random stranger appear-- oh god it's ugly! Was it a Goblin? The creature claimed to be your servant. A servant? Wait... was he a prince? Oh no the joke was biting him in the ass now. The creature called himself Sceleritas, a one hell of a butler he puts it. He must know you. He kept calling you by your name Durge. It was nice... he guessed? He had so many questions, he asked a few. Learning where he came from, and was made to guide him and help... murder people? Wait kill people? "That's how I found you, I could smell the Bards dead stench from across the sea!". Oh gods Durge felt sick. He wanted nothing to do with him. Sceleritas was a little sad to see his faithful master dismiss him so soon. But he wanted away... he needed you. You felt someone shaking you awake, looking up from your sleep gaze, you could see Durge's face that was filled with dredge and fear. You asked him what was wrong. He asked if you both could be in his tent to talk... just to help him fall asleep. You agreed of course. Anything for your friend Durge. You guys did talk almost all night, he seemed to calm down. That was good. "So are you and Alfira together?" you asked Durge "What? No we uh... we just uh... had a one night stand is all." Durge replied feeling nervous all of a sudden. "Oh... I was hoping to spend more time in the party but you were gone for me to find you." you said to him. "...I thought you wanted to be with Astarion?" Durge asked "didn't he... offer to give you a good time?" "Oh he did, but I declined him." you said to him "He's not my type." "Oh." Durge was relieved. Thought you didn't need to know that... no. Besides you wouldn't want to be with a... memory loss murderer. No he can't let you find out about what he did no... it would be awful. He lose you in an instant. "Did you want to try and get some sleep?' You asked Durge tilting your head to the side. Durge definitely did blush, the way you looked at him made him feel butterflies in his stomach. Boiling within his very core. He was smitten with you. You rejected the pale elf and you wanted to be with Durge instead. Pride was welling inside him. Maybe he did have a chance... maybe... praying to the gods. "Thank you for the talk." He says to you "I feel more... refreshed, please get some sleep itov." "itov?" you asked him "Was that draconic?" Oh shit "uh yes, it means friend." he lied of course... and you fell for it thank goodness. You left Durge to rest telling him goodnight as you walk back to your bed roll. And Durge watching you leave as he says softly "mel'thurkear." as he curls up to sleep... to try and hope no more nightmares would plague his mind tonight.

Draconic Translation: jacida nhee kiabil- His Sweet Companion. itov-Love mel'thurkear- Goodnight.

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

Curious, do your Tav ideas work with dark urge too? Also cuddles! Have any cuddling head canons you’d like to share? :)

I honestly haven't seen enough dark urge playthroughs to say for certain. If anybody has a dark urge Astarion romance compilation they want to recommend me I'll take a look.

I will say I think Ace!Tav would be a very reluctant durge. I can't imagine them enjoying the violence and actively fight it at every chance, at least in how I characterize them in my brain.

As for cuddles, stand back, I'm about to ramble.

Let's be up front about this, both Astarion and Ace!Tav are touch starved as fuck

Astarion might have had a string of lovers, but we all saw what he looks like when he first got a hug; man doesn't know what to do with his hands, he hasn't been properly cuddled in centuries

Meanwhile Ace!Tav has more or less trained themselves to hold back on touching other people

When hugs and cuddles are tied to romantic connection, and romance is tied to sex, it's hard to get cuddles without something more being asked for

They had more than one relationship where they said yes to sex because what they really wanted was the cuddles after; it's a mess

So when Astarion and Ace!Tav finally get the whole truth out in the open about how they care for one another and that neither of them are particularly interest in sex, a whole new world opens up

It's slow going at first, neither are entirely certain what the rules are

Ace!Tav starts first, a brush of the hand here and head on the shoulder there

Slowly Astarion starts to reciprocate, squeezing their fingers and pulling them closer

One night they stay out late talking; not about anything in particular, just to enjoy each other's company and pass the time

Ace!Tav starts to get tired and says they need to go to bed...and, if Astarion wants to join them, he can, if he wants

Astarion just nods, any thought of words escaping him as Ace!Tav leads him to their tent

It's a bit awkward at first; Astarion is unfamiliar with this and honestly annoyed with himself that he's so clueless, his only consolation is that Ace!Tav seems just as unsure as him

Eventually they lay down facing each other, with Ace!Tav asking him if this was alright

He then takes the initiative, pulling them closer so his arms can wrap properly around them; he can feel their heart beat against his chest, echoing inside him like a memory

It's only then does he relax, knowing for certain that this really is all either of them want

After that, they hardly spend a night apart

Astarion may not need to sleep, but that's not going to stop him from cuddling with Ace!Tav until they do

They switch big spoon and little spoon

Some times Astarion wants to drift off to the sound of their heart in his ear and sometimes he wants to wrap them in his arms, knowing he's trust enough to keep them safe

In all honesty, Ace!Tav prefers to be the little spoon, but they can't deny there is something satisfying in being the big spoon now and again

Both of them had fallen victim to the cat in the lap rule; if one of them in laying on top of the other, they can't move for anything, no excuses

This starts to slowly extend to outside the tent as well

In actuality Ace!Tav is a very physically affectionate person, and Astarion is more than willing to indulge them

What better way to announce to the world, "this person is mine and I am theirs"

Hand holding, hand kisses, and playful nudges abound

It takes a lot of patience and communication to get to the point, but Gods does it feel right when they do

[noirsongbird]

man the more I think about it (because I’m rotating it in my brain for an angstfic) the harder it hits me that the way Astarion breaks up with the PC in act 3 if you don’t confirm the romance in act 2 is really fucked up.

Like, Astarion, babe, there was no bilateral “sex for protection” agreement here. That is not the offer that was made. At best “sex as thank you for bites” was kinda a thing if you pick the right dialogue options when he comes onto you, but he does not actually explicate what he really wanted and expected out of things until either the confession (upfront if you get the Yurgir scene or a little more sidelong if you pick the right dialogue in the Araj scene) or the fucking breakup. Like, damn, Astarion, what the fuck.

Don’t get me wrong: I love this! Astarion’s ideas about relationships are so fundamentally fucked that he can’t imagine that Tav/Durge might have come to genuinely care for him and just assumes that they were obviously on the same page about this being an Exchange of Services!

But it’s still really fucked, man, and I’m enjoying exploring the ways it broke my fragile disaster area Durge’s heart. Not least because it can happen after having the Act 2 “resist killing your lover” scene (it did on my first game where I had no idea what I was doing, and that has now spun off into this Angsty Act 3 Breakup AU), in which Ryla really did feel like he opened up and poured his heart out to Astarion, and he certainly thought they were on the same page in a very different way than Astarion did.

I’ve seen people imply and outright say that it’s bad or fucked up to romance Astarion because of his sexual trauma (to which I can only say: what the actual fuck) but Astarion also takes away Tav/Durge’s agency to decide what they want out of the relationship by lying to them. A fucking lot. It’s great and it’s messy and it’s still my favorite romance in the game because once you get past the manipulation there’s something incredibly beautiful there.

[thelikesoffinn]

been thinking about it lately and Ascended Astarion = Dead Dove content and I'm not sure that's really understood, even by the writers. when I finally got around to the character I decided to ascend him with, I was SUPREMELY disappointed by the conversations options following it. it seemed like the dialogue choices were trying to push the narrative on my character that they made this choice w/o considering the consequences and they are bound to regret it. the closest I could get to answering his question of "why did u let me go thru w it?" was "I wanted u to be powerful".

but with that character? my accept Bhaal durge? that isn't the reasoning. at all. (related: "what do u want as a reward?" "ur body" was the closest answer my character could give. otherwise I'd've answered "murder :))")

for context, this run was born of a conversation w my friend discussing supposed content no one had seen bc "no one's that evil". we thought, what's more evil than killing literally every npc? I failed the conceit of the challenge immediately bc I can't handle senseless animal cruelty in my games. killing children? fine (u need a mod to do this in BG3, but I am thankfully plenty delighted to use mods), killing a neutral animal npc? no can do.

so I started this durge (they are the only character that can come close to "killing" Gale with that first interaction) run with the intention of killing everyone except Shadowheart (only a cleric of Shar can truly kill Aylin) and Astarion (bc I need to smooch him). (and there is a mod for playing an origin character as durge, which would have meant playing as Shadowheart, but I MUST smooch Astarion and I don't tend to do het or female romances, unless I'm forced to (*sighs dreamily* oh, Garrus Vakarian). I'm just not interested in that set of equipment in that way, so may as well just make a durge dude.) somehow something went wonky and Halsin ended up joining us and I was so perplexed I just allowed him to stay. (he's meant to attack if u destroy the grove but free him anyway, but instead he just showed up that night and went straight into his Moonrise spiel. is it bc the wolf Silver never aggro'd me and thus survived???) so I fixed the Shadow Curse all while killing every single humanoid and hostile animal in acts 1 & 2. including Thaniel, which makes Halsin's talks later in act 3 of getting news from Thaniel and the Grove hysterical. idk what I did but I sure as hell broke this poor man.

(on a related note, Halsin will give out to u when u accept Bhaal, but will still give u the "u have exceeding my expectations, also we should bang" in the same conversation. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID BUT IT'S DARKLY FUNNY.)

in the conversation when Astarion is expressing surprise that u let him go thru w it, my durge is just like, yes my motivation is that I like to kill ppl :))). it's not a sex thing for him (that is separate from the murder!), but he's still fine w the outcome. yes, Astarion looks down on him, but that's fine! he's allowed to be wrong about that, durge doesn't care. so long as Astarion lets him kill ppl he genuinely just does not give a shit.

(I actually had the idea that if Halsin were to ever rediscover his morals and tried to leave he'd ask Astarion to turn him so Halsin would not have a choice. as I said, this durge *does not fucking care*.)

this is probably the only character I will play that would let Astarion ascend bc I enjoy dead dove SOMETIMES, but not always or in large doses, but I get so few dialogue options that convey that in an rp sense! I don't think the writers/devs REALLY took that into consideration, sometimes. like, yeah, there are going to be ppl making fucked up choices but surely no one would go THIS far! for THIS reason! honey, u need to look up the Dead Dove tag on AO3, there are absolutely ppl making choices for those fucked up reasons.

(and I understand the whole "this confirms to Astarion about sex yadda yadda". even if that's not Tav/Durge motivation, that's how ASTARION would *interpret* it.)

(oh yes, and also, don't let Orin abduct Yenna. it doesn't matter whether u find out in camp or the sewers, Grub will not survive. I was devastated. if I'd known, I would have made sure Halsin was available for her, but she won't abduct a party member or someone ur romancing.)

long story short, I want to play a durge that even ascended Astarion finds unsettling. that's the dream.

Hello there, duck!

Your run sounds delightfully evil! I wish I could play one of those, haha, but I'm too soft hearted. My one evil run with my durge Salira was ended before even entering the grove because I felt horrible after getting rid of Gales hand! Seriously, I can barely take killing the squirrel as durge, and I always save Alfira because I feel horrendous otherwise!

(Fun fact, on all five runs I've done Yenna just vanished at some point and grubs was left standing in my camp, which was like...eh?)

And yes, Halsin is always somewhat of an issue, isn't he? He's just running around, causing mayhem in peoples games because he seems slightly bugged out, haha. I had one run, where he wouldn't go to the spot where we save Thaniel because he joined the fight against Marcus at Last Light and somehow got stuck, for some reason. Same run, none of his vocals would play, which was also very interesting. Everybody would make noise when they climbed or got hurt but Halsin was always silent and just there! And in another run the dude really straight up hated me - he was so mean and snappy, I swear to god he wanted my Durge dead - and then he suddenly went: "Hey you're super cool and strong and I just want to gently fuck you beneath the moonlight if you'll let me" and I was like: Say what.

Regarding the dead Dove: I've talked to people of Discord before, and some of them mentioned something similar a couple of times, but personally, I do think the writers actually knew what they were doing here!

Of course, I do agree that it relies heavily on the regret notion and that it somewhat shoehorns you into a certain narrative corner, I noticed that too when I was ascending him for research - I hated doing that, but all for the asks, haha - but I thought it was really fitting for what it is!

The bad ending, that is. I know we all somewhat forget that because of how people view him as a character, but ascension is the bad ending. Even on an evil run, where your character may have considered all options, it is very likely that Tav hasn't accounted for one very important part of being a true vampire.

The obsession.

It's still somewhat mild in the game, though definitely there, but it will only get stronger as time goes on, and it will probably get to the point that the only escape is death. Either his or Tav's. So, in the end, ascension will come with an armload of regret and the writers were making sure we know that.

And, on top of that, even if we let him ascend in a pursuit for power - or in in your durge's special case: murder :) - we still cast spawn Astarion aside because he doesn't fit our needs, thus making it very clear to him that who he is isn't enough and his behaviour is the price we now pay.

It's pretty much the same with all the other companions as well - justiciar Shadowheart and ascended Lae'zel, for example. However, it doesn't bother us as much, because we have different expectations towards ascended Astarion than, for example, dark justiciar Shadowheart. We don't expect a positive narrative here, a narrative where becoming shady-shar's loyal subject isn't an objectively dumb decision to make, so we don't mind the dead dove as much. It's exactly what we've been expecting - and Aylin even warned us how Shadowheart would change upon becoming a dark justiciar - so yepp. This went exactly how we thought it would and this is what we wanted.

Astarion, however, is a somewhat special case, because his bad ending is, by far, the one that gets the most romanticised. He's so heavily romanticised by so many, that the bad parts nearly start to fade, even with those who don't like the ascended ending. It becomes just 'the other ending', if you will.

And yet, it's still the bad ending.

Ascension is the bad ending for a character that we've somewhat given up on. That we misunderstood so deeply, mayhaps, that we traded his entire being for power and, quite frankly, beauty. We showed him that he isn't enough, we let the boy run and hide the only way he knew how and now we're faced with the consequences and yes, it's really dead dove but...what did we expect?

[all-pacas]

Don't leave us in suspense! Drop the baldirs gate takes!

the one literally on my mind right now:

there is not a single good astarion/halsin story out there. like prove me wrong i guess, i haven't looked at all of them, but every single one i dip my toes into goes:

uwu poor baby astarion so sad

uwu halsin takes care of him and teaches him consent

uwu halsin is very paternalistic and teaches astarion how to sex

uwu he Big

and it drives me bonkers. like fandom has the habit of infantilizing astarion anyway, making him out to be a poor sad victim. like other people have pointed out the hilarious "man whose personal journey is gaining agency -> let's take away his agency" fanfic pipeline already, but for real!

rambling about how emotionally stunted astarion is under the cut:

he doesn't like to talk about his trauma, but he's also clear that it is trauma. he isn't in denial. he knows he's fucked up. and yes, when it comes to sex it's a bit more of a gray area, but he's a willing participant. he has a bunch of horny comments. he very much wants to hook up with someone at the goblin party, and WILL fuck lae'zel if tav doesn't romance either first. he tends to not enjoy sex as much as he THINKS he will and disassociates and knows his feelings are all fucked up around it, but he is NOT naive or in denial. he actually seems pretty self aware about it! he knows he forces himself through seductions, he knows he uses sex as a tool, he doesn't like either thing but he's been doing it for a long time. he's not naive.

he's also just. not. vulnerable? in general? like the man whines and complains, but he's one of the least emotional people in camp, in that he HATES expressing his real feelings. he doesn't talk about feelings. shadowheart, by way of contrast, is standoffish and doesn't open up easily, but IS able to pretty plainly state when she likes and trusts you. astarion? he has no idea. he will say this. he doesn't admit to liking anyone or anything, and yes, trauma, etc., etc., but he's also just kind of emotionally closed off. in general. anything that isn't superficial is shut down.

astarion actually goes pretty far out of his way to NOT be uwu vulnerable. he HATES being pitied and looked down on, or being perceived as such. CONSISTENTLY. he hates it when you tell him you'll protect him. he doesn't like being seen as weak. my favorite example: he doesn't actually approve of you offering to be his personal juice box after the first bite: he does approve of you agreeing with HIS plan to eat bandits. he doesn't like charity; he likes agency. he'll still take advantage, because he'll take what he can get, but it's REALLY telling he consistently prefers the answer that gives him agency (eating bandits) over the easier solution that doesn't (being fed at tav's discretion). with durge it's even more obvious. he says repeatedly: he wants to be in this TOGETHER. he wants them to rely on HIM. he very, very, very much does not want to be a kept toy.

i think there's also some ambiguity about him calling off sex in his romance. he's VERY clear that he enjoyed sex with tav and sees them as very attractive; it's just that (as he also says) he doesn't know how to have a relationship that isn't framed around sex as a tool and payment. that's re-enforced by his stated vulnerabilities once tav stops sleeping with him: he sees sex as his primary purpose/his looks as his only selling point, and he worries about tav hooking up with the drow twins (slightly) or halsin (more so) as a result. and yes, he has lots of other trauma and issues to unpack on top of it: but from the outset, he's pretty clear that he wants to figure out how to have feelings and a relationship in a non-sexual context. the other stuff exists TOO. many things can be true. it's just that he states, his stated reason for withdrawing, is wanting to sort out his feelings for TAV, not sort out his sexual trauma. again, both are true. but also: BOTH are true. he's not just a sad traumatized boy, he's also and equally trying to learn how to Relationship in a different way than he's used to.

so going back to halsin, who i'm not trying to demonize. all these FANFICS, man. halsin teaching astarion about uwu consent and taking care of him in a strong and paternal way. that's like. the last thing in the universe astarion would want. he'd go full cat exposed to water. and i'm not saying the ship can't happen or whatever, but it's such a common thread in the fanfics it drives me bonkers.

[bettsfic]

it took 140 hours, but i finally finished my first playthrough of baldur's gate 3. overall i'm insane about it but there are a few things that really pissed me off. my (many) thoughts in no particular order under the cut.

i forced myself to play the full game totally vanilla, no mods even though i'm so bad at games i usually need cheats to make it to the end. not to mention i've hated inventory management in every game i've ever played (except genshin. love u, hyv). but i was patient, and i played on explorer mode, and i savescummed the hell out of it (hence 140 hours). but as SOON as i finished the epilogue, i turned around and installed 30 mods, most of which are QoL things that shouldn't even need to be modded (vertical camera pitch, WASD option, stackable items, sortable inventory, highlight ALL interactable objects).

i decided i wanted to play both a Dark Urge playthrough and an I'm Just Ken playthrough, but after making two new characters and, through my endless youtube diving, accidentally getting spoiled on what i think is the major durge reveal, i decided simply to make Ken the Dark Urge.

every other minute he goes, "Hi! I'm Ken," and then thinks about murder. it's great.

obvs he's going to romance Shadowheart (although i may download the poly mod and romance everyone).

MAJOR SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

here are my Thoughts, in no particular order, because i don't know where else to put them:

i didn't enjoy romancing Astarion as much as i thought i would, because i came to see him less as a romantic interest and ended up identifying with him more than my Tav. that said, i'm very excited to do Astarion's origin playthrough

i ended up enjoying my Halsin romance more, because it was a more traditional slowburn, and Halsin's quest was totally external conflict. on one hand, that made me less interested in him as a character overall; on the other, it was SO SATISFYING to find out he had been Pining for me the whole time. sometimes i just need a little bodice-ripper content, as a treat

obviously i'm also into Astarion/Halsin and Astarion/Halsin/Tav

however the only viable fic idea i have is Astarion/Shadowheart? i blame this fanvid

no, really, what was so different about Early Access that OP got this much Astarion/Shadowheart material? the description in the video says they were disappointed by how their dynamic had changed for full release

okay, time or my biggest beef:

Haarlep pissed me off almost enough to stop playing the game. not in a purity way, but in a "this is just bad writing" way

i mean, your options are to kill him or fuck him. that's not consent. and when you agree to fuck him, you have to roll several checks to keep him from killing you. then he steals your likeness so that whenever he has sex with someone else, you have a spontaneous orgasm

i wanted to dismiss it as dead dove, but the point of dead dove is that 1) it is labeled, and there was no indication whatsoever i was about to walk into this, and 2) dead dove implies the creator is aware that the content is filth for filth's sake. i saw no evidence that that quest was anything more than the sniffing panties buff of D:OS2

the sadist in the goblin camp? that's good filth. you have a little public BDSM demo that you can easily nope out of, and if you finish it you get a permanent buff. your companions have fun things to say. and there's no major quest attached to it, so you can completely walk past it. and the Drow twins were the same. and Mizora. just horny content for players who enjoy that kind of thing, and easily disregarded for players who don't. i don't understand why Haarlep had to be different

like, you're looking around for the hammer. you come across Haarlep, who is bored and wants to have fun with you. maybe he offers the promise of a buff that will help in the coming battle with the Absolute. if your romanced character is in the party, you have a dialogue option to talk to them about it first. maybe in parting, he gives you a hint about where to find the hammer, and it's in a completely different room

but no, you *have* to interact with him to advance the quest, can't talk your way out of it, and it leaves you with a skeevy pseudo-debuff

when i went to look it up, i saw so many forum posts of people being like, hmm this made me really uncomfortable, and (presumably) men responding, it was consensual! you have the option to kill him! and it's frightening that so many people think that way

also when you have a female Tav and you choose a male Haarlep, the animation doesn't change to account for the position. Haarlep straddles you the whole time. and that just made me interpret the scene as a male succubus rape fantasy

and your companions have to WATCH. and they don't intervene or even say anything about it. if you've romanced Astarion and he's in your party, you get one point of disapproval and that's it. like he wouldn't have an Opinion over that kind of coercion? i saw some youtube videos and know that he says something about it much later when you spontaneously orgasm, but that's it

i hope there's something i'm missing, and someone will come into my ask and go "ummm actually" and tell me some important factoid of game development that will make me interpret the scene differently

i ended up resetting and just not doing the House of Hope questline. i didn't bother with the hammer, either. honestly the whole Githyanki plot confused me and i was more invested in my conflict with the Emperor. i ended up siding with him and killing Orpheus so that no one would have to turn into a mindflayer. i was expecting to have to persuade him out of taking the crown himself, but he just noped off for some reason

this is another thing i wonder if i missed. i never understood his motivations or goals beyond "protect you" and "manipulate you." so he's Balduran and he killed his dragon and...what else? to what end? it would have been more satisfying to me if he planned to take the crown for himself but decides not to because of the bond he's forged with you. but maybe i can interpret it that way anyway

yes i fucked the Emperor

but i fucked him in Guardian form

like a COWARD

i was very torn about all the characters' final decisions. in the end, i kept Jenheart and spawn Astarion. i let Wyll and Karlach choose for themselves (and loved their ending together). i couldn't prioritize Gale or Lae'zel this playthrough because i was focused on too many other things, and i got their bad endings (although i ended on good terms with Lae'zel despite killing Orpheus?)

i played as a beast master ranger (i mained a beast master hunter in WoW for years) and i've seen in several places on the internet that it's supposedly the worst subclass, but let me tell you...

the bird companion. nobody is talking about the bird companion. by the end, it has two actions, the ability to blind, and your bird can call in two more birds. you can have a total of FOUR BIRDS

the red dragon in the final battle? couldn't do shit. it spent the entire time blinded by my bird. nearly everyone on the battlefield was dead by the end, but my bird still had over 50% of its HP. the bird is BROKEN

in my I'm Just Ken playthrough, i'm going to multiclass Shadowheart into a raven girl. the birds spoiled me and i can't imagine playing without them now

it's weird to me that there's penis physics but no boob physics. did anyone else notice that? you wiggle the male avatar and the dick moves. you wiggle the female avatar and her boobs are like rocks. even when she's lying down, the boobs stay exactly as they are

listen, i have a lot of complaints. the bugs made the game nearly unplayable for me. i know they're putting out patches fast, but i think it'll still be years before i would recommend this game to someone who is on the fence about playing it. if you're not immediately dropping everything to fuck the hot sad vampire, you might as well wait until the game is cleaner at like hotfix 856

BUT

i've never experienced anything like this game. every decision matters. every character has a story. there are so many potential paths and opportunities that it's literally impossible for the fan wiki to be completely accurate. i cried at least 4 times, and by the end, saying goodbye to Karlach, i was actually sobbing. i'm old enough now to know that these states of immersion into fictional worlds are rarer than they used to be, and i'm so grateful to this game for giving me so many hours of fun and escape

unlike books, movies, and tv, where i get invested and move on and rarely read or watch anything twice, video games are always such a learning curve for me that when i get into a game, i stay there. i have thousands of hours into Genshin and SDV, and i have a feeling BG3 will be the same. this game is so, so flawed, but it's ambitious beyond any narrative i've ever encountered, and i really admire it for that

i would love to find a Discord server for it that's not overwhelmingly huge, just the people writing fic and making art. it's been a long time since i've been involved in a fandom and i really miss it

[sunnibits]

hi it’s almost 2am but I can’t stop thinking about this so here’s how I think the (romanceable) bg3 companions would cuddle with someone at night. feel free to imagine your tav/durge in these scenarios and kick your feet about it.

Wyll:

he likes to sleep on his back (one arm behind his head propping him up, very attractive, gentlemanly) while you use his chest as a pillow. he’ll wrap an arm around your shoulders, use that hand to rub your back, stroke your hair, and generally dote on you as he literally whispers poetry to you or even sings you to sleep. type of guy to admire your bleary-eyed face when you wake up and say “good morning, sleeping beauty”.

Halsin:

okay you’re getting one of two things here. either you get spooned from behind in the world’s biggest, strongest bear hug ever, (and yes your ass is pulled FLUSH with his hips), or you’re getting a much more literal bear hug and you get to use his sleeping cave bear form as a fluffy heated pillow. either way, you are going to feel the absolute warmest and safest you ever have in your life. the only downside is that he DOES snore and it IS the loudest noise in the entire world.

Lae’zel:

she refuses to participate in such an undignified activity as “cuddling”, but she WILL protectively sit by you and keep watch as you sleep. half of it is truly her way of showing love by looking out for you while you’re vulnerable, and the other half is secretly an excuse to freely admire your face and form without feeling the need to hide it. (she’s a sweetheart <3).

Gale:

this isn’t even that related to the cuddling but the very first thing on my mind is GALE. READING. TO. YOU. oh boy it’s happening whether you want it or not. he’s either reading a book, telling a story, or extensively infodumping on whatever random topic has hooked him that night. plus, he loves listening when you do the same thing in return! as far as actual cuddling goes, I picture him being either similar to Wyll - sort of on his back and letting you use him as a pillow - OR lying with his head in your lap, letting you pet his hair like he’s a tressym cat, happily listening to you talk until you both fall asleep. he also snores, and though it isn’t nearly as loud as Halsin, you SWEAR you have literally heard him go “snork mimimi” but nobody in camp believes you.

Shadowheart:

sometimes teases you about cuddling but actually thinks you’re so fucking adorable for it and truly enjoys cuddling you. tbh I don’t really have any strong ideas about her actual cuddling style but I can imagine her being open to most things, especially face to face type cuddling where you just gaze into each other’s eyes and snuggle up close. she often likes to make cuddling flirty, wrapping an arm around your waist and confidently pulling you closer until you’re within kissing range….

Karlach:

pre-engine fix? DESPERATELY wants to cuddle you. oh my god she wants to spoon you so fucking bad. she is practically weeping because she can’t cuddle you. instead she’ll settle for just being your personal proximity space heater until she can actually touch you. when that day finally comes though? absolute snuggle bug. all over you. LOVES spooning, especially engulfing you in her arms as a crushing big spoon, but she will love to cuddle in any way you please. on the rare occasion she acts as the little spoon, she’ll cuddle Clive while you cuddle her <3.

Astarion:

full-on cuddling can be a little too much for him (especially when it’s not centered around sex), but what he does like to do is just… lie very close together, facing each other. just waking up and seeing you resting across from him does wonders to reassure and soothe him during his sleepless nights. and if sometimes, after he jolts awake from a nightmare, if his hand should dart out to squeeze yours, well…. you never comment on your entangled fingers in the morning. (also, in a world where he’s almost fully healed and deeply comfortable, he’s a little spoon <3).

I would do Minthara but I’m ngl I have not done a playthrough with miss girl yet so I don’t know enough about her </3 if anyone has ideas for her tho feel free to drop them I’d love to hear it!! I feel like she would be similar to Lae’zel but idk….

also if anyone wants to hear ideas about any non-companion or non-romanceable homies I’d be happy to share my thoughts I love thinking about cuddle headcanons :)))

[zesstra-dnd]

Alfira should show up to all camps thst way when someone has played thriugh on tav before durge its actually a surprise because she survives before.

Im not one for been super comforting but if they felt the need to add sex scenes then they can add in an option for Tav to hug thier companions when they need it instead of just standing there

More dialogue choices for a tav who doesnt want to romance that aren't mean

I barely know the companions, theyre not heartbroken because i rejected them pack it in, and let me. Just do shir as friends why is so much shit marked as a flirt

So much shit is easy to miss that help storywise but thats somewhat normal

The ending sucked ass, eating the worms had not fucking consequence exept just the smallest shit which also wasnt really too bad. Because it was like 1 harder wisdom check.

I didnt touch one single worm and yet the ending is still like one of you neeeds to be a mindflayer hehe, how about no if iv managed to control myself that long then i should get a chance to try (sure the dice roll will probably suck but eh.

They really just shit on Karlach huh and dont come at me with uh not all endings are good, she had a good ending, rhe last act had soo much more too everything would of felt less rushed and Karlach would of had her heart fixed after everything we went through to get rhe shit for it

Let my slutty tav enjoy the incubus after effects instead of zooming in on a super duper sad faces, fuck off shed love that shit, though the nosey fuck would want to see

The animals are great, love them, id adopt them all

Soo many times the dialogue choices had me Sat there like 😬none of these are what I'd pick

Still , at least i can see what the whole fucking sentance unlike certain games who put a vague choice

Larian please learn how elves and shit age

Im all for older charecters just make the age match

Would love a curse of strahd expansion

Let Escher be beautiful let astarion get a little jealous but also be happy to try help him

Let us become werewolves, that would add a lot more risk for full moons etc maybe add the werewolf companion yall scrapped

New companions and allies ofc, iv no idea how we'd get to barovia, maybe some of the group meet up every now and then, hell if not astarion let us meet one of his siblings, Sebastian was interesting .