#I just realised while writing this that I'm pretty sure the problem with our eye has been better since being on antibiotics too
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thethingything · 2 years ago
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also like, we'd given up on figuring out why we were so ill because we'd had other appointments and never got anywhere so we weren't planning on booking any more appointments for it.
the series of events that led to me booking an appointment last month was basically a butterfly effect kinda thing that started with me very intensely fixating on an AU version of my source and unrepressing a bunch of stuff as a result so like, remember kids: being unhinged about the guy that lives rent free in your head is a really good idea sometimes
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lisafication · 1 year ago
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For those who might happen across this, I'm an administrator for the forum 'Sufficient Velocity', a large old-school forum oriented around Creative Writing. I originally posted this on there (and any reference to 'here' will mean the forum), but I felt I might as well throw it up here, as well, even if I don't actually have any followers.
This week, I've been reading fanfiction on Archive of Our Own (AO3), a site run by the Organisation for Transformative Works (OTW), a non-profit. This isn't particularly exceptional, in and of itself — like many others on the site, I read a lot of fanfiction, both on Sufficient Velocity (SV) and elsewhere — however what was bizarre to me was encountering a new prefix on certain works, that of 'End OTW Racism'. While I'm sure a number of people were already familiar with this, I was not, so I looked into it.
What I found... wasn't great. And I don't think anyone involved realises that.
To summarise the details, the #EndOTWRacism campaign, of which you may find their manifesto here, is a campaign oriented towards seeing hateful or discriminatory works removed from AO3 — and believe me, there is a lot of it. To whit, they want the OTW to moderate them. A laudable goal, on the face of it — certainly, we do something similar on Sufficient Velocity with Rule 2 and, to be clear, nothing I say here is a critique of Rule 2 (or, indeed, Rule 6) on SV.
But it's not that simple, not when you're the size of Archive of Our Own. So, let's talk about the vagaries and little-known pitfalls of content moderation, particularly as it applies to digital fiction and at scale. Let's dig into some of the details — as far as credentials go, I have, unfortunately, been in moderation and/or administration on SV for about six years and this is something we have to grapple with regularly, so I would like to say I can speak with some degree of expertise on the subject.
So, what are the problems with moderating bad works from a site? Let's start with discovery— that is to say, how you find rule-breaching works in the first place. There are more-or-less two different ways to approach manual content moderation of open submissions on a digital platform: review-based and report-based (you could also call them curation-based and flag-based), with various combinations of the two. Automated content moderation isn't something I'm going to cover here — I feel I can safely assume I'm preaching to the choir when I say it's a bad idea, and if I'm not, I'll just note that the least absurd outcome we had when simulating AI moderation (mostly for the sake of an academic exercise) on SV was banning all the staff.
In a review-based system, you check someone's work and approve it to the site upon verifying that it doesn't breach your content rules. Generally pretty simple, we used to do something like it on request. Unfortunately, if you do that, it can void your safe harbour protections in the US per Myeress vs. Buzzfeed Inc. This case, if you weren't aware, is why we stopped offering content review on SV. Suffice to say, it's not really a realistic option for anyone large enough for the courts to notice, and extremely clunky and unpleasant for the users, to boot.
Report-based systems, on the other hand, are something we use today — users find works they think are in breach and alert the moderation team to their presence with a report. On SV, this works pretty well — a user or users flag a work as potentially troublesome, moderation investigate it and either action it or reject the report. Unfortunately, AO3 is not SV. I'll get into the details of that dreadful beast known as scaling later, but thankfully we do have a much better comparison point — fanfiction.net (FFN).
FFN has had two great purges over the years, with a... mixed amount of content moderation applied in between: one in 2002 when the NC-17 rating was removed, and one in 2012. Both, ostensibly, were targeted at adult content. In practice, many fics that wouldn't raise an eye on Spacebattles today or Sufficient Velocity prior to 2018 were also removed; a number of reports suggest that something as simple as having a swearword in your title or summary was enough to get you hit, even if you were a 'T' rated work. Most disturbingly of all, there are a number of — impossible to substantiate — accounts of groups such as the infamous Critics United 'mass reporting' works to trigger a strike to get them removed. I would suggest reading further on places like Fanlore if you are unfamiliar and want to know more.
Despite its flaws however, report-based moderation is more-or-less the only option, and this segues neatly into the next piece of the puzzle that is content moderation, that is to say, the rubric. How do you decide what is, and what isn't against the rules of your site?
Anyone who's complained to the staff about how vague the rules are on SV may have had this explained to them, but as that is likely not many of you, I'll summarise: the more precise and clear-cut your chosen rubric is, the more it will inevitably need to resemble a legal document — and the less readable it is to the layman. We'll return to SV for an example here: many newer users will not be aware of this, but SV used to have a much more 'line by line, clearly delineated' set of rules and... people kind of hated it! An infraction would reference 'Community Compact III.15.5' rather than Rule 3, because it was more or less written in the same manner as the Terms of Service (sans the legal terms of art). While it was a more legible rubric from a certain perspective, from the perspective of communicating expectations to the users it was inferior to our current set of rules  — even less of them read it,  and we don't have great uptake right now.
And it still wasn't really an improvement over our current set-up when it comes to 'moderation consistency'. Even without getting into the nuts and bolts of "how do you define a racist work in a way that does not, at any point, say words to the effect of 'I know it when I see it'" — which is itself very, very difficult don't get me wrong I'm not dismissing this — you are stuck with finding an appropriate footing between a spectrum of 'the US penal code' and 'don't be a dick' as your rubric. Going for the penal code side doesn't help nearly as much as you might expect with moderation consistency, either — no matter what, you will never have a 100% correct call rate. You have the impossible task of writing a rubric that is easy for users to comprehend, extremely clear for moderation and capable of cleanly defining what is and what isn't racist without relying on moderator judgement, something which you cannot trust when operating at scale.
Speaking of scale, it's time to move on to the third prong — and the last covered in this ramble, which is more of a brief overview than anything truly in-depth — which is resources. Moderation is not a magic wand, you can't conjure it out of nowhere: you need to spend an enormous amount of time, effort and money on building, training and equipping a moderation staff, even a volunteer one, and it is far, far from an instant process. Our most recent tranche of moderators spent several months in training and it will likely be some months more before they're fully comfortable in the role — and that's with a relatively robust bureaucracy and a number of highly experienced mentors supporting them, something that is not going to be available to a new moderation branch with little to no experience. Beyond that, there's the matter of sheer numbers.
Combining both moderation and arbitration — because for volunteer staff, pure moderation is in actuality less efficient in my eyes, for a variety of reasons beyond the scope of this post, but we'll treat it as if they're both just 'moderators' — SV presently has 34 dedicated moderation volunteers. SV hosts ~785 million words of creative writing.
AO3 hosts ~32 billion.
These are some very rough and simplified figures, but if you completely ignore all the usual problems of scaling manpower in a business (or pseudo-business), such as (but not limited to) geometrically increasing bureaucratic complexity and administrative burden, along with all the particular issues of volunteer moderation... AO3 would still need well over one thousand volunteer moderators to be able to match SV's moderator-to-creative-wordcount ratio.
Paid moderation, of course, you can get away with less — my estimate is that you could fully moderate SV with, at best, ~8 full-time moderators, still ignoring administrative burden above the level of team leader. This leaves AO3 only needing a much more modest ~350 moderators. At the US minimum wage of ~$15k p.a. — which is, in my eyes, deeply unethical to pay moderators as full-time moderation is an intensely gruelling role with extremely high rates of PTSD and other stress-related conditions — that is approximately ~$5.25m p.a. costs on moderator wages. Their average annual budget is a bit over $500k.
So, that's obviously not on the table, and we return to volunteer staffing. Which... let's examine that scenario and the questions it leaves us with, as our conclusion.
Let's say, through some miracle, AO3 succeeds in finding those hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of volunteer moderators. We'll even say none of them are malicious actors or sufficiently incompetent as to be indistinguishable, and that they manage to replicate something on the level of or superior to our moderation tooling near-instantly at no cost. We still have several questions to be answered:
How are you maintaining consistency? Have you managed to define racism to the point that moderator judgment no longer enters the equation? And to be clear, you cannot allow moderator judgment to be a significant decision maker at this scale, or you will end with absurd results.
How are you handling staff mental health? Some reading on the matter, to save me a lengthy and unrelated explanation of some of the steps involved in ensuring mental health for commercial-scale content moderators.
How are you handling your failures? No moderation in the world has ever succeeded in a 100% accuracy rate, what are you doing about that?
Using report-based discovery, how are you preventing 'report brigading', such as the theories surrounding Critics United mentioned above? It is a natural human response to take into account the amount and severity of feedback. While SV moderators are well trained on the matter, the rare times something is receiving enough reports to potentially be classified as a 'brigade' on that scale will nearly always be escalated to administration, something completely infeasible at (you're learning to hate this word, I'm sure) scale.
How are you communicating expectations to your user base? If you're relying on a flag-based system, your users' understanding of the rules is a critical facet of your moderation system — how have you managed to make them legible to a layman while still managing to somehow 'truly' define racism?
How are you managing over one thousand moderators? Like even beyond all the concerns with consistency, how are you keeping track of that many moving parts as a volunteer organisation without dozens or even hundreds of professional managers? I've ignored the scaling administrative burden up until now, but it has to be addressed in reality.
What are you doing to sweep through your archives? SV is more-or-less on-top of 'old' works as far as rule-breaking goes, with the occasional forgotten tidbit popping up every 18 months or so — and that's what we're extrapolating from. These thousand-plus moderators are mostly going to be addressing current or near-current content, are you going to spin up that many again to comb through the 32 billion words already posted?
I could go on for a fair bit here, but this has already stretched out to over two thousand words.
I think the people behind this movement have their hearts in the right place and the sentiment is laudable, but in practice it is simply 'won't someone think of the children' in a funny hat. It cannot be done.
Even if you could somehow meet the bare minimum thresholds, you are simply not going to manage a ruleset of sufficient clarity so as to prevent a much-worse repeat of the 2012 FF.net massacre, you are not going to be able to manage a moderation staff of that size and you are not going to be able to ensure a coherent understanding among all your users (we haven't managed that after nearly ten years and a much smaller and more engaged userbase). There's a serious number of other issues I haven't covered here as well, as this really is just an attempt at giving some insight into the sheer number of moving parts behind content moderation:  the movement wants off-site content to be policed which isn't so much its own barrel of fish as it is its own barrel of Cthulhu; AO3 is far from English-only and would in actuality need moderators for almost every language it supports — and most damning of all,  if Section 230 is wiped out by the Supreme Court  it is not unlikely that engaging in content moderation at all could simply see AO3 shut down.
As sucky as it seems, the current status quo really is the best situation possible. Sorry about that.
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bangchanisinmymind · 1 year ago
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Ok but. Horny chan but he doesn't have a gf and he doesn't feel like finding some rando so he's thinking about his female friends if one would eventually help him out and you happen to be the first to reply to his message
Ohhh thank you for the request and for awaiting; about the other requests I'll try to write all of them today :) masterlist
[12:55 am]
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pairing; bangchan x fem.reader
he didn't feel like hooking up with someone at the bar and touching himself was not even an option; it wouldn't satisfy him. at the end of the day, the social butterfly he is, he could just ask one of his female friends. hesitant at first but took his phone and started searching for the most suitable one to help him. he was still searching after a couple of minutes when you called him to ask if he had eaten yet or you should go there to eat together.
the perfect chance he thought, she's the best for this, he thought. he always thought you were pretty but he wasn't ready for commitment. your small conversation ended with you promising it wouldn't take more than 5 minutes for you to be over. your sweet voice making his cock twitch in his pants calling him to do something about it but he just had to wait patently for you. he didn't realise he had another problem, he had to ask you.
five minutes passed and as promised, you were in front of his door knocking. excitedly he stood up unlocking and opening the door, welcoming you inside. "hey" he nervously trying to find the right moment to ask such a thing from his friend.
"channie hiii I missed you so much" you said hugging him, happy to see your friend again. his erection growing harder to your accidental touch. confused at the uncommon feeling on your hips, you looked down only to see his cock stretching his shorts.
"iㅡ i missed you too" his cheeks burning red "i was wondering- if you could- you know- maybe- help me?"
"what about ourㅡ our friendship?" you muttered looking up to his eyes breaking the hug. "can we talk about it later?" he said coming closer to you "i guess so" you said closing the gap between your lips. surprised by your sudden actions but excited -he always wanted to do this- he hugged your waist and you tangled your hands around his neck bringing him closer.
your folds got stickier every second, now you needed him too. "channie can we go inside?" you asked softly breaking the kiss and he nodded brushing your hair with his long finders. "yeah let's go" he kissed your forehead guiding you to his bedroom.
he closed the door and you were already pulling up your shirt revealing your white bra and sitting on his bed. "you're sure right? it's okay if you want to stop now" he said kneeling in front of you cupping your cheeks "of course i am, when I said you can lean on me for everything I meant it." you smiled "okay then *kiss*"
your legs now on his shoulders, his arms trailing your back, your hands on his hair, your body towering over him. each of you exploring the others body with desire and passion. taking his shirt off, breaking the kiss, you met his gaze; filled with lust. his fingers tracing your inner thigh travelling to your clothed crotch caressing it.
you moved your hips upwards to pull out your pants along with your panties. his stare hungrily moved to every inch of your bare body before he started sucking on your neck forcing out your weak moans.
he pushed you up to rest your head on his pillow while he kicked his pants off the bed; still sucking on your neck. his lips moved to your chest undoing your bra licking your nipples. "you're so pretty you know that?" he breathed out
needy whines and muffled moans escaped your parted lips. "please channie" your eyes shut, groaning after feeling his lips on you. "you want me to please you? is that right babygirl? is that what you want?" he chuckled caressing your sides.
"mhm" you let out whinning returning your gaze on his. "just relax okay? I'll make you feel good babe, I'm gonna make you feel so good" he whispered in your ear making you shiver and nod your head in agreement.
your nails running along his tensed back muscles, his plump lips once again going down, from you neck to your chest, from your chest to your stomach. "don't tease" you cried out, your cunt aching and your arousal pooling between your thighs.
locking eyes with you leaving a few curses leave his mouth. he stood up removing his boxers and layed next to you "come and ride me then" he said and you obeyed.
you placed your legs on each side of his hips, his hands on your waist rubbing small circles on your skin encouraging you to sit on his huge leaking dick, and you did. your knees weakened pushing forward until you fitted the whole of him in your tiny hole. both of your cries filling the room.
tiptoeing and knees up you placed your hands on his thighs and stared rolling your hips. the sight in front of him was majestic; your cunt swallowing his thick cock, your tits jiggling and the beautiful expressions you made; all in front of him and for him.
his fingertips caressing your naked body as you tried to reach your high. "so-so close" you practically screamed. without a word he turned you around, pressed your back on the mattress, his hands on the bed head as he continued plumbing in and out of you.
your liquids spilling already but it didn't stop him. your body went numb as he chased his own orgasm, which he did after a couple of minutes, collapsing on the top of you.
© @/bangchanisinmymind on tumblr | do not translate or copy my work without permission {feedback is highly appreciated! comment/DM for requests!}
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yanderu-deredere · 2 years ago
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taste. (extras)
★ the aftermath of the both literal and metaphorical fuck-fest you had with your newfound werewolf pack
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a/n: idk just wanted to put the points of view of the yanderes as their own thing so here's that on here LOL
also i just wanted to write a thing to remind yall that im SOFT and SWEET and its all about CUDDLING here on this WHOLESOME MINECRAFT SERVER
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part one (bite.) ★ part two ★ (chew.) ★ extras (bite and chew.) ★ part three ★ (swallow) ★ part four (digest.)
pairing: poly werewolves x male reader word count: 1302
warning: bottom reader with male parts and pronouns, stereotypical werewolf scent stuff, mentions of marking (both scent wise and with bruises/bites)
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Mel sighed, wiping himself of with a wet tissue.
If he thought that Isamu and Leonard were a handful, he was really signing himself up for something with the three of you. But, he supposed, Mother Moon knew he'd be able to handle it.
After all, the pull to you was even stronger than his pull towards his other two mates so he knew your rightful place was beside them.
He just needed to get used to cleaning up all three of his mates' messes now.
First, of course, was Isamu because he was for sure the least grumpy out of all three of them. And, also, the one with the most stamina so he'd for sure help out.
"C'mon, pup." Mel cupped the back of the back of Isamu's neck, pressing a soft kiss to Isamu's temple as he whispered in his ear, careful not to jostle the other two. "Careful now."
Isamu woke slowly but, like always, his moves were careful and calculated despite the sleepy look in his eyes.
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"I?" Isamu leaned back, resting his bare ass against his ankles as he tried to remember what the hell happened during his momentary rut.
Mel saw when the recognision hit him because Isamu scrambled back, his now deflated knot pulling out easily.
"I-I-I--" Isamu stuttered out, his eyes flickering all over their new mate, assessing exactly what damage he'd made.
Mel knew the feeling. He'd spent a good long while staring too. You were a beauty before, when he first saw you in the forest.
You were even more beautiful now, with Isamu and Mel's bitemarks and bruises all over you and Leonard's scratches littered along your thighs.
"Calm down, Sam. It's fine." Mel cupped the back of Isamu's neck again, pressing another kiss to his temple. "Are you okay? You tired?"
Isamu looked up at Mel, those lost hazel eyes looking so nervous that it made Mel chuckle. But he gave Isamu time to think, to assess how he truly felt.
Mel would stand tall and firm, would be the hard rock that his mates needed to rest against.
"I-I'm fine." Isamu finally muttered after a few minutes.
Mel grinned, happy to hear that his mate was okay. His palm moved from Isamu's neck to his cheek where he drew him close to press a soft kiss against his lips
"Why don't you go clean yourself up, I'll wake up Sleeping Beauty and the three of us can take care of our new mate, hmmm?" Mel offered, knowing it was the only way he could talk Isamu into leaving your side.
Even then, Isamu looked hesitant, his eyes darting from you to Mel and back. Finally, he seemed to realise that he didn't have much of a choice because he slowly nodded and left the couch.
Mel almost laughed at how he hobbled a little.
That, of course, left him with the arduous task of separating you from Leonard without waking you up.
He had thought it would be hard but, actually, when he shifted you, you stayed asleep. He worried you were dead for a second but he checked on you and it really was that they took a lot out of you.
Made sense. Isamu and Leonard pretty much overstimulated you to hell and back just in between the two of them.
Mel wanted to be free of blame but he could admit he was part of the problem seeing as he basically just kicked back and watched.
He carefully laid you back and lifted Leonard into his arms. Like always, Leonard just laid there, giving little to no resistance. HIs head even lolled over, resting against Mel's chest.
Mel pressed a kiss to his forehead and brought him to the bathroom where Isamu was already filling the sink with warm water and readying the towels.
The two worked together, soaking the towels with warm water and wiping Leonard down till he was coherent enough to wonder what the fuck was going on.
"Where is he?"
"Calm down." Mel immediately clutched Leonard to his chest to prevent him from going feral and guarding over your body like an overprotective wolf over its own pups.
"He's in the living room. He's fine. We were just going to clean you up and then we're going to go with some warm towels and clean him up." Mel explained, his broad hand running through Leonard's soft blonde locks "You need to calm down or you'll trigger another rut and he won't be able to handle that."
Leonard panted, his nails digging into Mel's biceps, but he nodded frantically. The last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt you. He knew you weren't like them, that you were softer, more easily breakable.
He didn't want to break you.
When Mel felt like Leonard wouldn't run to you the first chance he'd get, he let go of him and Leonard sagged a little, feeling like his skin was too tight over his body, like he itched.
He wanted to see you but he didn't want to panic and make himself feel worse so he just itched his arms and focused on Mel.
Isamu felt the same. He had better control because Mel had been training him longer but you took that control and crushed it in your hand like paper.
You made him feel so weak and he loved it.
The last thing he wanted was to lose that control and hurt you though so he wrapped his arm around Leonard's shoulders and kissed his forehead before handing him some sweatpants and a crop top.
When the two of them dressed (as slowly as possible, Mel insisted) and washed their faces with cold water, they were finally allowed to take some damp warm towels over to you.
You were still where Mel left you, all splayed and vulnerable, open and trusting.
The inside of your wrist was raw and bitten from Isamu. Leonard could see where he reached back and clawed at the tops of your thighs, near your pelvis. They were already puffing up. There were even various bites along your shoulder and neck from Mel.
They really did a number on you.
Leonard sat down on the couch first, moving you so your cheek rested on his leg.
With the warm towels he had, he gently dabbed at the hickeys and bites along your shoulders, making sure not to scrub or rub and irritate it.
Mel sat down too, gently wiping along the grain of the scratches on your thighs,m making sure to be gentle with them so he wouldn't irritate them either.
Then, Isamu sat on the floor and took your wrist, tears threatening to spill from his eyes as he took your wrist and pressed several apology kisses on it before he dabbed at it with a warm cloth.
They wiped you down till all the stickiness and lube was completely gone, till you were clean and comfortable. Then, they dressed you in their clothes.
You wore Isamu's sweatpants, one of Leonard's shirts and Mel's cleanest pair of used boxers. If you asked, it was because your clothes were covered in cum (Mel had a bout of insanity and came all over them) but, in reality, they liked you being covered in their scent.
Lastly, they positioned themselves around you, cuddling all around you.
Leonard plastered himself against your front immediately, his face already nosing against your jugular like he couldn't get enough of your scent. Isamu was against your back, his arms sneaking around your sides.
Mel had the unfortunate position of being under all of you, your head resting against his collar, Isamu's head against his bicep and Leonard's head on his chest.
He'd been in this position enough times to know that he'd wake up not feeling anything in the morning. Not that he'd complain seeing as he loved having all his mates in his arms like this.
Plus, Mel knew that Isamu and Leonard wouldn't be able to handle being away from you for a while, especially when they hadn't officially marked you.
To Isamu and Leonard, you could easily be stolen away and they wouldn't be able to stand it.
So the three of you would sleep on the amply sized couch, comfortable and safe. Mel would make sure of it. He'd keep all of you safe, forever.
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queen-of-meows · 3 months ago
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@tadssstrange
Part 2 !!!
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I realise I'm having fun writing this so it will be a multichapter. I think slow burn fits Cassandra better. In my mind she's the ultimate cat girlfriend. It needs time to get her to trust poeple and really open up.
It's been a few days since you came back from Cassandra Nova's stronghold. Before they left, her henchmen made sure to remind you you'd better pay your tax or else. You rolled your eyes but didn't protest. As much as you hate stepping down, you are not foolish enough to antagonize the most dangerous mutant of the wasteland.
You spent your day tending to your plants with magic and your evening studying the sky with your telescope. The timelines are branching in interesting patterns. After a well deserved late night tea, you finally go to bed.
A knock on the door forces you to get up. You groan, but at this ungodly hour it must be an emergency. No one in their good mind would bother a witch at midnight. Once in your kitchen, you realise you are only wearing your frilly night gown, but who cares about etiquette. This is the Void, and it's past midnight.
You open the door and find yourself face to face with the last person you expected.
Cassandra Nova herself.
You know you should be a little more scared, but you are really not in the mood to be polite.
"What are you doing here ?" you ask a bit curtly.
Cassandra shrugs.
"Sneaking out."
"It's past midnight."
"Just the right hour to sneak out."
She doesn't show any sign to leave so you might as well let her in.
"Do you want to come in ? I have half an apple pie left and I can make tea."
"That's why I came here for, witch."
Again with her demanding voice. Did anyone ever told this woman "no" ? Probably not, most poeple value their life. She takes a seat before you offer her, but you don't see the point of telling her.
"Why are you sneaking out ?" you ask while boiling water on the stove.
"I'm bored. Do you have any idea how dull the wasteland is ? Just sand and more sand, from the courtyard to the horizon."
You repress a smile.
"Do you often go out on your own like that ?"
She shakes her head.
"First time. I didn't know there was such a lovely forest beyond the sand."
This time you can't help but chuckle. You take your favourite tea pot, a round one made of glass, and add your favourite blend of herbs and berries in it. It's sweet and flowery, you think your unexpected guest will like it.
"You did not know there were forests beyond the desert ?" you ask. "You've never left the borderland ?"
Cassandra shakes her head.
"I don't leave my citadel much."
It's a pretty common thing for poeple who live in the Void. Traveling means putting yourself at risk. If you managed to survive long enough to call it living, it also means you found a good shelter with easily available ressources, and you would not want anyone to take it when you're away. But for a person as powerful as Cassandra Nova, that should not be a problem. You go fetch the pie in the cupboard. You keep Cassandra in the corner of an eye. She seems fascinated by the herbs in your tea pot.
Shit, you can't help it, she's so freaking cute.
When you put the pie on the table, her eyes lit up.
"How did you come here ?" you ask.
She retrieves a little object from her pocket.
"I opened a portal with this lovely little trinket."
You give a better look at the thing she holds in her hand and gasp. Doctor Strange's sling ring, fully equiped with a Time and a Reality Stones. With this she could leave the Void. You wonder if she knows that, or if she's showing more of her obliviousness.
You cut the pie in two and give her the biggest slice. She takes a spoonful and makes a delighted sound. You realise you are not annoyed anymore. Usually, your visitors praise your baking skills, but you've rarely seen someone displaying such a childlike wonder at everything you show them.
"Why are you sneaking out at night ?" you ask. "Going outside is dangerous when the sky is dark, even more for a woman."
She shrugs.
"I'm the most dangerous thing here, right after Alioth."
"So why ?"
"My men think I am asleep."
It starts to make sense.
"And you don't want them to know you're away !"
She nods.
"I am not in the mood to deal with a mutiny these days. It took me time to get myself this lovely collection of henchmen."
You are surprised she never concidered expending her territory beyond the borderland, but you keep this thought to yourself. Suddenly panic rises in your chest. What if she was also thinking about it ? For the moment, she looks dangerously innocent, eating pie and drinking tea. She yawns.
"Are you tired ?" you ask.
She nods.
"Maybe you should go to bed. You could come back tomorrow. The strawberries are almost ripe."
She perks her head and she dives a hand in her pocket.
"Oh dear, I almost forgot why I came here in the first place !"
She opens her palm. Your heart misses a beat when you see small green pebbles glowing in her hand. Shards of a Time Stone.
"Sadly I don't have any full Time Stones, but I think these little pieces might be enough to accelerate the growth of your garden."
You stare at her as she leave the precious items in her emptied cup like they're just a handful of marbles. Did Cassandra Nova just gave you Infinity Stones like it's nothing ? You give her a suspicious look.
"What do you want in exchange ?" you ask. In the Void, you get nothing for free. Cassandra frowns confusedly.
"You promised me a part of your harvest the other day."
It seems so logical to her you don't even know how to react. How do you explain to an Omega level overlord mutant that no amount of fruit and vegetables could ever repay a single Time Stone shard, let alone five. But she seems content with the deal and you start to realise how detached she is from... well everything. It's almost like Cassandra Nova lives in a reality of her own. Why not enjoying your luck and expoiting her naivety to your advantage. She gets her strawberries and peaches, you get your Time Stones, everyone is happy with the deal, right ? This also profits to the whole community as you will be able to increase your productivity.
"Thank you" you say. "I might have something for you. Wait a minute."
You come back with a little bag of your best herbal tea blend and a jar of preserved cherries.
"I'll be back tomorrow" she announces as she rotates her hand to produce a sparkling portal.
"I look forward for your visit" you reply, surprised to realise you genuinely think it.
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ha1taniwh0re · 2 years ago
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hii! can we get a fluffy story between either Chad meeks-Martin or Mindy Meeks-Martin? I have a small idea on it being where the reader has been more distant because they've had a big exam coming up and they need to do well in order to not fail the class, studying has always been hard for them and they're easily distracted. One day before the exam, they'd been up in their room all day, not really taking proper care of themselves so when their partner uses their spare key and comes in and sees. They are sweet about it, but they'd close their computer and move all their study items, tell them to relax and they'd run either a warm bath/shower and order their favorite take out and have a movie marathon and Cuddles galore! add and take out what you like! I'm so excited for your work
Well of course
I want to try to write more with female characters so i will go with Mindy
GN!Reader x Mindy
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Ugh only a day before that stupid exam. I can't fail this. I was sitting in our school garden and studying for that stupid exam. Sam, Tara, Chad and Mindy came to me.
"Heyyy (name)" Sam said.
I didn't say anything just waved.
"Babe??" Mindy said.
"Yes?" I said while looking at papers.
"Can you stop studying for a moment??" She asked.
"Sorry no, I need to go. Bye everyone" I said and took my things and went to my house.
/Mindy POV/
"Again?!" I said.
Sam and Chad looked at me.
"What do you mean?" Chad asked.
"They are ignoring me for a week now. They don't hang out with me. They always study. When I get to them they just left me behind and go where they want". I said.
"Mindy, you know how hard is for them to study. They have a problem because they get easy distracted", Tara said.
"I know but I also need love...." I said.
We just hung out, joked, playing and everything you know. When I was on my way to home I decided to go to there house, because we definitely need to talk about this. When i got into there house they were sitting and looking at there laptop than papers. They didn't even realise that someone is in there house.
"Babe?" I said.
They got a little bit scared because they haven't heard me getting inside.
"Omg Mindy, for Gods sake what the fuck" they said.
"I want to talk with you. I can't stand this anymore" I said.
"What do you mean", they said while looking at papers.
"THAT.! YOU LOOKING AT THAT PAPER WHILE IM TALKING WITH YOU! YOU DON'T SPEND TIME WITH ME ANYMORE!!" I said.
They put papers down and looked at my now eyes full of tears. They closed there lap top put papers on top of laptop and came to me.
"Im sorry my love. I just can't fail this test. I focused so much for it, Im sorry". They said
"No im sorry i know how hard is for you to study, i needed to wait a little".
"How about movie night huh??" They said.
"But your exam is tomorrow", I said.
"Im pretty sure Im ready for it", they said.
We laughed a little and I went to there room to change into something more comfortable. When i got back they were ready to play the film. I sat next to them, we cuddled and watched the film. After that we went to bed, it's important day tomorrow.
----------------------------------------------------------
Sam, Tara, Chad and I were just sitting in school garden and waiting for (name) to come. I was standing and looking at them while talking about some film when suddenly I was feeling someone pulling me up.
"I PASSED!!! I DID IT!!!", (Name) said.
They pulled me down and kissed me.
"Good job!! Im so proud of you babe!!" I said.
"I love you..." They said.
"love you more" I said.
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i-believe-in-melinda-may · 11 months ago
Text
This is the dynamic of two people who have known each other 27 years, were married 11 years, and have been divorced 15 years, and are not currently together. I'm getting worried I'm writing them to 'coupley'
In a different part of the hanger deck to the part where EJ and Lee are with the Cylon Raider Bill is waiting as the raptor that Laura and Cottle are in arrives. As the raptor stops Bill hurries forward getting to the raptor just as the hatch opens allowing him to go straight into the raptor without pausing.  
“Are you okay?” Bill asks Laura, who is sitting next to Cottle, as Sharon, the pilot who flew them over, leaves the raptor.
“Yeah, I’m okay, Bill,” Laura tells him, and Cottle snorts.
“Our esteemed President decided to take extra of the medication she is using and overdosed,” Cottle explains, as he knows Laura won’t and he has her permission to tell Bill everything, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to be the one to tell the commander that Laura is taking Chamalla. “I’ve given her a shot to get her on her feet, but it won’t last and there are going to be some pretty intense side effects,” Cottle explains, and Bill looks concerned about that. “She’s your problem now, I’ve got other, less troublesome, patients,” Cottle says before leaving.
“He’s got a great bedside manner, I’ve always thought so,” Laura says, trying to make a joke, but it fails when she sese the look on Bill’s face. “Bill, I’m okay,” Laura says, using the wall of the raptor to help her stand up, and as she does, she is clearly a little unsteady so Bill hurries over and helps to stabilise her by putting his arm around her waist. “I’m okay,” Laura assures him, putting her hand against his chest.
“You collapsed,” Bill says worried.
“Because I stupidly thought taking more of the medication I have would help,” Laura tells Bill. “It’s my own fault,” Laura admits, as she picks up her bag.
“Maybe you should rest,” Bill tells Laura, not moving his arm from around her waist, being able to tell that even though Cottle gave her something that she isn’t completely okay.
“I don’t have that luxury,” Larua admits, as she starts to walk towards the exit to the raptor, using Bill for support. “EJ? Lee? Do you know where they are?” Laura asks, as she, with help from Bill and some difficulty, exits the raptor.
“With the chief in the other hanger deck, working on the Cylon Raider,” Bill explains. “I think they’re trying to distract themselves,” Bill admits, and Laura feels a rush of guilt. “They need some time, Laura,” Bill says in a gentle voice, as they start to walk and while he removes his hand from around Laura’s waist, because he knows it will only add to the speculation if anyone sees, he continues to walk right next to her just in case she loses her balance or becomes unsteady.
“I know,” Laura admits, understanding that but also not wanting to miss a single second with her kids. “Any update on Baltar?” Laura asks, deciding to try to distract herself.
“He tried to destroy the picture,” Bill admits. “It’s him. I put him in the brig,” Bill admits.
“I want to talk to him,” Laura tells Bill, and from her tone of voice Bill realises that this is something she needs to do, something she won’t be talked out of.
“Okay,” Bill says, and it is clear that he is going to go with her.
“I’m talking to him alone, Bill,” Laura informs him. “I will not show weakness in front of Gaius Baltar,” Laura says, making that perfectly clear.
“I’ll wait outside then,” Bill responds, as if Laura insists on talking to Baltar he isn’t going to be far away.
“Fine,” Laura responds, and the two of them continue to walk together, Bill watching Laura out of the corner of his eye to make sure she is okay.
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bowandcurtsey · 3 years ago
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Hello mom!! ❤️❤️ i missed you smmm i hope you’re doing alright and are healthy and happy! (●’◡’●)ノ♥︎
Lately i’ve been in such an angsty moood, you know me, angst>> 😂😂 but angst with happy ending is my go to always so could i possibly request Nozel x reader where reader goes through a pretty bad break up and like for weeks she just stays in her room so Nozel (who has a crush on her👀) checks on her and while comforting her he confesses? You can decide on how reader reacts!
Again I hope you’re doing well, love u sm, hugs & kisses <3333
-Rinnie
Hello my Child Rinnie <3 Thank you for the love, hugs and kisses <3
I'm giving you all them hugs and kithes too! (ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ)♡
Why have you been angsty! who made you mad? Momma about to bring up her baseball bat and good ol taser and beat the shit outta people now. HAHAHA! I'm just kidding, no violence, but okay Imma write you some fluff and hope you feel better <3
Also... our 2nd Nozel in a row!! I love writing this royal (ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ)
Nozel Silva x F! reader
TW: Fluff, not proof read.
Nozel came out of his office and realised you were not at your desk.
"Where's y/n? Is it her off day today?" Nozel questioned one of his men.
"No sir, but she took an urgent leave for a week."
"Did something happen to her or her family?" Nozel tried to hide the worry in his heart, he pretended to be just a concerned boss.
"We're not sure..."
The entire day, Nozel sat in his office and tried to concentrate on his work. He tried to. But all his mind could think of was you. What could have happened for you to take a week off work? You were always strong and optimistic.
Should he try to send you a pigeon letter? Would it be overstepping the boss and employee line? Afterall, you had a boyfriend that should be the one caring for you. He didn't want to look like he was coming between other's relationship.
He decided to wait it out for a day or two to see if there was any news of you.
---
On the fourth day of your absence, he found himself standing at your door.
You stood there wide eyed when you saw Nozel standing at your door. "Captain Nozel, what brings you here?"
"J-just wanted to ask you about an urgent matter at work," he lied, "is that fine?"
"Y-yeah, sure," you stepped aside, "please, come in."
In your tiny apartment, he could see that the dishes and trash in the kitchen were piled up. A pile of laundry was in the basket. The table was a mess of snacks and empty cups. Were you like this in private? It just didn't seemed to be you.
"I-I'm sorry about the mess," you tried to bring everything on the table to the already full sink, "please have a seat."
"Y/n," Nozel took a good look at you now that you were both seated across each other, there were heavy and dark circles below your usually cheery eyes. Your luxurious hair was in a mess. Your lips were pale and your entire face looked haggard. His worry intensified and he couldn't help but ask, "are you alright? Did something happened?"
"I'm..." you took a deep breath, "I'm fine."
Your forced smile was what broke Nozel's heart. You couldn't even tell him of your problems. Did you not trust him at all? He pursed his lips, not wanting to force you to tell him if you weren't comfortable to.
After asking the insignificant "work question" he found himself standing at your door again. He looked into your eyes, they were sad and void of life. What had happened to you?
"y/n, please take good care." he said and with all the might he had, he turned around to leave. If he stayed any longer, he might just pull you into his embrace.
---
3 days later, you called in to ask for another 2 weeks of unpaid leave. Nozel almost went insane from the perturbation. He had to think long an hard for another excuse to go over to your place again, but he could not think of any idea.
For the next week, Nozel was hella grumpy. Whoever treaded in his path did not have a smooth experience. He could barely concentrate on anything and instead he found himself standing close to his office doors or around walls to eavesdrop on your colleagues gossiping about you, hoping to know about what had happened to you.
Sadly, it seemed that it was all wild guesses and no one really knew about your predicament.
---
A week later, while working late in his office, wild thoughts clouded his mind. Maybe it was the lack of sleep from nights of dwelling over you, he suddenly had this thought of what if you did something silly to yourself. He mind flashed back to the state of your apartment and you the other day. What if..?
He flew straight to your house.
He almost couldn't recognise you when you opened the door. Your eyes were swollen and red, you had lost tremendous amount of weight from the last time he saw you.
He held onto the sides of your shoulders, "what happened y/n?"
"C-captain Nozel.." you tried to wipe away the tear stains on your face while trying to keep your voice steady, "why are you here at this hour?"
"Tell me y/n," he nudged you easily into your house and closed the door behind him, "what happened?"
He took one look at your apartment. It now looked like a dumpster compared to last week. "Why isn't your boyfriend taking care of you and leaving you in this state? Is that how a man should take care of his girl?"
Upon hearing about your now ex boyfriend, you broke down, "he.. left.." you said between sobs.
This time, Nozel couldn't help himself any longer. Seeing you in this state, all he wanted was to protect you from all the wrongs in the world. He pulled you into his embrace and wrapped his arms around your shaking frame.
Having someone hold you at your lowest moment made you break all your walls down, your body suddenly went weak from the lack of food and water you have consumed over the last 2 weeks and you collapsed into Nozel's arms.
He held onto you strongly as he slowly lowered himself onto your floor. He continued holding you close to his chest as you sat in his lap, his arms gently caressing the back of your head.
---
When your sobs finally turned to sniffles, he gently said, "let's get you something to drink."
He carried you to your sofa. "wait here."
He went into your kitchen and to your surprise, you heard the head of the Silva family actually washing a cup and getting you water.
"Here, drink." the water was even warm. It was just water, but it tasted so good, it made your body feel rejuvenated a little.
"Shall I bring you to get something to eat?"
"No.. I'm not hungry.." you said weakly, still not wanting to leave the house.
"Accompany me then, you need some fresh air and I need my dinner." he insisted.
You looked at the time. It was 10pm and your boss flew over to your place after work without dinner to comfort you in his arms for the past hour. You suddenly felt a rush of heat at your cheeks while thinking of the earlier scene.
"Let me have a quick shower then.." you tried to avoid eye contact with him.
A shower really made you feel much better. When you came out from your room, you saw Nozel when his sleeves rolled up and your house was already mostly cleaned.
Nozel Silva the Captain of the Silver Eagles, a head of a Royal family, someone that doesn't need to lift even his finger to do his own braids.. Cleaning your house?
"Captain Nozel!" you quickly took the trash bags in his hands. You turned over and saw that he washed all the dishes in the sink. "You didn't have to.."
"Please, call me Nozel when we're not at work." he said shyly. He brought the trash out.
"Are you ready to leave?" he came back a few seconds later.
"Mhmm," you nodded as Nozel summoned his Silver Eagle.
---
After a nice meal, (your stomach was growling when you reached the restaurant, so Nozel ordered you some food too) Nozel sent you back home.
The cool night breeze really refreshened you up and the fresh air lifted up your mood.
"Nozel.." you still found it difficult to call him just by his name, "why did you come?"
He was caught off guard since his mind was still stirred by the ordeal just now. He could not think of an answer offhand.
You both just stood on the Silver Eagle in silence.
"I was worried." He suddenly said. It was now or never, he thought, "I was worried about you since the first day i came to your house 2 weeks ago."
"Oh.." the sudden confession caught you off guard a little. Your mind was still in a mess after your break up, so you didn't know what to think.
Nozel was rendered helpless at your silence; he didn't want to push it, since you just went through a break up and your mood was still down.
"Come back to work, y/n." he said eventually, "it would help you keep your mind off things.."
Your heart felt bitter at the thought of your predicament, but having a nice night out with Nozel really lifted your spirits and your thoughts were slightly more organised now.
"I will," you nodded, "thank you for today. You made me realise that I deserve better than that scumbag."
He chuckled upon hearing you calling your ex names. It was the first time you saw your Captain even laugh. You were surprised.
"You should laugh more," you smiled at him.
A hint of pink brushed across his cheeks as he cleared his throat, "only when I'm with you."
You blinked at him, confused to what he was trying to say. He glanced at him, probing him to say more.
He took a deep breath and decided to just spit it out.
"I like you y/n. Way earlier than this, but back then you seemed happily attached, so I didn't want to come between your relationship. But since that scumbag couldn't give you the happiness you deserve, then I hope I get a chance to."
He looked at your now rosy cheeks and tucked the stray hair behind your ears, "you don't have to give me any answers now, I just want you to walk out of this sad phase. I promise to protect you come whatever may."
He said it so seriously like he was giving you some instructions for work. But the blush of his cheeks reminded you that he was showing his vulnerable side to you too.
You smiled as you pursed your lips, "I-I have no idea what to say except thank you."
A gust of wind blew by and it swept his braid away from his face. At that moment, you saw his full handsome features smiling back at you, "that's good enough, for now."
-end-
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nobodyinfart · 3 years ago
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sometimes the barista is sweeter than the coffee~
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hehe, i hope you all will enjoy!! sorry if the characters' scenarios are a little drastic, i have a really soft spot for aether (he's my favourite <3). let me know if there is any feedback since I am still testing out my writing style ( ^∀^)
also, to explain, genshin high au is basically all the genshin characters in a high school~ i'm pretty sure that i am not the one who came up with this so do let me know if there is any similar au!!
masterlist
description: everyone goes to coffee shops for coffee. that doesn't seem to apply to them though.
category: imagine
type: fluff
characters mentioned: aether, bennett, zhongli x gn! reader
aether <3
our little angel was freaking exhausted
from having to run errands for the student council and keeping up with his AP classes, aether didn't manage to eat lunch, let alone take a breather. so you can imagine how tired he would be, yearning for a bit of peace, just enough to stop worrying about his assignment deadlines and other people's problems for just a while
his distress escalated when the rain did not stop but grew from a trickle to a bloody rain pour. with no choice but to run, only managing to make it to an isolated shophouse
now, his bad day just got a hundred times worse, and he now is genuinely upset, wanting to burst into tears
shaking off whatever water he had in his now drenched blond hair, he then noticed what seemed to be a tranquil coffee shop next to him, with seemingly nobody inside
the bells chimed as aether being curious, made his way inside
he immediately felt a warm comfort as he got away from the chilling rain
he admired his surroundings, the fairy lights partnered with extensive bookshelves and the light scent of coffee makes a comfortable, soothing ambience
though he was dripping all over the floor (not in that way y'all nasties ('・_・`))
"goodness! are you okay? in the cold, are you nuts!" you jumped over the counter and took his cold hands into yours, startled at the sopping wet stranger to even realise the invasion of privacy
though it seemed that aether didn't mind, as he flushed but gripped your warm hands, appreciating the warmth the slightly calloused hands gave him
a fussing over and a small hand towel given later, aether sat in one of the couches, wondering where you went in such a hurry
you immediately appear, holding a cup of piping hot chocolate and settling it down in front of aether
aether reached for his wallet only to be refused, "no! no need for that, take it as a treat!" you chuckled and insisted
he could only accept heartedly as you scampered off to deal with the customers that just came in, your figure quickly disappearing from sight
only then did he notice the overload of whipped cream with many marshmallows as well as a small note on a discarded receipt
'hope you enjoy it!! extra whipped cream and marshmallows for an adorable customer hehe <3.'
his heart melted, unable to comprehend the cheesy yet sweet compliment
his eyes subconsciously drifted to you behind the counter and seeing you handling the upcoming drinks like a pro, queueing shots as well as making the ice-blended drinks
your eyes met his, and your eyes turned into crescents as you gave him a wide grin
awe, you look so cute smiling (*'∇`*), aether definitely admired your gleeful face before making a mental note to clear his schedule to visit this sweet barista often~
bennett <3
now, when fischl said that she had found a new hangout spot, benny expected a park or playground since they (fischl, razor, bennett) could get pretty loud, and people didn't really like that
definitely not a coffee shop
though he had to admit that it did look like a pretty welcoming place, with a handwritten chalk drink menu
'( *`ω') espresso impresso!!' being written at the corner of the signboard
hehe, he couldn't help but release a chuckle at the funny word pun before noticing fischl in a very intense conversation with the barista
"no, girl- you wouldn't believe what happens in the next chapter! the guy actually says he's just there to eat the rich second generation meal, i couldn't stop laughing!" your eyes crinkled as you recount the novel, fischl hushing you as to not hear spoilers
"one does not wish to hear such sin spilling from another's lips! this one shall read it for herself!" fischl hmphs in annoyance, yet the slight curve of her lips show otherwise
fischl then makes introductions for the gang
"razor- yes indeed the one who showed up to academic classes in that wolfish attire one calls a onesie."
bennett, on the other hand, didn't even need introductions
"wait, i know you! you were the guy that managed to light your pants on fire, right?" you could only snort as you remember the viral video online
bennett flushed as he recounted how he had to dive into the school pool to extinguish the flames, earning him several weeks of detention for public misconduct
though it was pretty funny, you have to admit that the video didn't do him any justice
he definitely was a cutie, with the freckles across tanned cheeks and bright green eyes
though you keep those thoughts to yourself, starting to take their orders
fischl's usual (an iced chai latte with more chai, less milk), razor wanted simply steamed milk with a little sprinkle of cinnamon
benny, however, was stuck, so you offered your lovely expertise
"hmmm, i got an idea! you like iced drinks, right?" benny was confused but nodded with a sheepish smile
a couple minutes later, you came out carrying three drinks on a tray
the trio marvelled at the drink settled in front of bennett, mesmerised
it looked like iced chocolate, except the chocolate was dropped at the bottom, a majority of the glass (being milk) having the middle layer, followed by the unmistakable brown coffee shots on the top
this made a pretty three-layered drink, very appealing to the eyes and phone camera (courtesy of fischl)
"wow! this looks amazing-!"
"hehe, thanks~ i came up with it myself. should I name it after my inspiration?"
giving benny a wink, you leave them to their idle chit chat to continue working
every now and then, you shoot a glance to the group only to see bennett's quickly darting eyes as if he has been caught staring at you
if only you could mind read, then you would catch a glimpse of his awe on how suave you were, and boy was he mesmerised
maybe the next time the group comes, he will ask for your name instead of just gawking
zhongli <3
now, we all know that zhongs is a man of not many words, preferring a comfortable silence
but, it is a problem that he was so eye-catching
sleek brown hair in a low ponytail and upturned cat eyes that would leave anyone starstruck
his lean muscles slightly straining his uniform, being the living reincarnation of tall and handsome beauty
of course, people would stare
he would also often get approached by people, especially admirers who desperately want to 'get to know him'
being a gentleman, he couldn't refuse harshly, leading to them accompanying him throughout whatever he was doing
in cafes, in the school library, even in the student council room
though it wasn't obvious, he was starting to get annoyed
all he wanted was a quiet place to chill in peace, a secret haven to do his schoolwork or simply read, preferably a place where he could have a nice hot cup of tea
he couldn't even get that in the school, let alone in public cafes that held so many people
that's why he was surprised when he saw your store
looking in through the glass window, there was barely anybody inside
despite the coffeehouse having such a quaint, welcoming interior, with bookshelves filled with books and small succulents hanging by windows
intrigued, he went in to explore, then seeing you
he would have to describe you as a naturally warm person, seeing as how your eyes lit up at the sight of a customer
"oh, hello! what would you like today?"
"i'm not quite sure, is there any tea recommendations?"
as he was browsing the many options, there was no doubt in my mind that you were staring
zhongli carried himself with a certain air of elegance, walking with grace as akin to a god (heh)
as he ordered, he noticed that you were not as invasive as the other people he had met
your friendly attitude and sweet smile was quite refreshing to see if he had to be honest, not to mention that the way you treated him was without expecting anything in return
as his tea arrives, he quickly notices two instead of the usual one cookie on the side
he could only look up to see you shoot him a gummy smile
a soft smile replaces his features, and he immediately nods his head in a silent thank you
the beautiful smile no doubt makes you a little flustered, but you still wave it off with a chuckle and go back to work
zhongli takes a sip of his tea and appreciates its flavour, instantly knowing that he has now found the quiet chilling place he has been looking for
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corysmiles · 3 years ago
Note
Could you believe I actually am back with some Runnaway Experiment WRITING??? :D
This takes place very early on in the story, and gives some more insight into Tommy's life before they escaped (in the comics). Enjoy :D
-------
The experiment was growing years after years, to everyone’s delight. It seemed the first laboratorial human had a decent enough lifespan so that it could be studied in the long run. And so, 14 years, it has been since T0M saw the light of day, and it acted in a similar fashion a 14 year old human would. .
Of course, the many researchers failed to take in consideration an alteration of the most cumbersome. T0M looked human, could understand the english language, followed orders and didn’t complain, asked some questions but the specimen…. was big.
Too big to fit in a human bed.
Too big to fit comfortably in a room.
It went in spurts, which was terrifying the first time. It kept on growing and growing, as scientists hoped it wouldn't take long for it to stop, otherwise, it might lead to a lot of problems. But for the past 2 years, no noticeable change really occurred, which was a relief when the thing was already 25 ft tall. It never seemed to be challenging personality wise, which was a relief, but they still needed to keep him in line.
Hopefully, the Doctor Soot, as well as Doctor Puff took part in daily check ups and made sure he didn’t rebel.
So, every 2 day, they took turns to visit T0M in the room accustomed to its needs.
And both’s reports were excellent! T0M learned more while being as obedient and compliant as ever. Phil couldn’t be more happy with those results.
However, as time went on…. Wilbur failed to mention another kind of teaching he had going on with the subject for the past months.
“And this is called ‘Sadness’.” He held an A3 size paper with a moody smiley drawn on it, the word being written below. “It’s that feeling when our sessions are over and I have to go and you say ‘oh noooo’ in that voice.”
T0M was sitting on his knees in front of him, paying the utmost attention to what Wilbur was showing and saying.
“I hate that one.” He pouted.
“I know,” Wilbur chuckled. “No one likes to feel sad. But it’s a part of life.”
A single hum. Wilbur’s smile turned more sympathetic.
“Do you remember the other ones?” He stood up from his place and put the sheet in one of the dark grey metallic drawers.
T0M nodded, excitedly. He took his hand and poked his fingers as he counted. “ there’s “Happiness”, it’s the good one. And “Disgust”, it’s when I have to eat the weird green stuff.”
“Brocoli”
“That. And then there’s excitement, it’s when I smile real big because you come early.”
Wilbur clapped “Wonderful!” T0M’s eyes were shining stars at every approval from Doctor Soot. Even though T0M’s enjoyment was very appreciated and contagious, but it could be a bit… much, to handle at times.
“Since you understand the basics, I think it’s time for us to start a whole new lesson.” He clapped.
T0M gasped and cheered from the top of his lungs “YEAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!”, throwing his arms in the air and effectively making the room shake from the sheer volume of his voice. When he looked back at the scientist, his eyebrows were pinched and the brunette was covering his ears and curled up, almost in pain.
“...Doctor?” He brought his head close to the man who, after making eye contact, scrambled back until he hit the same drawer he put the papers in earlier. T0M looked at him confused, face still too big in Wilbur’s peripheral.
“I… Tom, I appreciate your enthusiasm when we do our lessons, but if you could prevent yourself from screaming, it would be nice.” He tried in the most gentle voice he could muster without it shaking.
“What’s screaming?” T0M asked, crouched so his face was almost on the ground at eye level with him. He brought a hand closer to the doctor who was still breathing heavily. When his head shot to look at the hand, his body on alert, he froze before saying.
“... Is it a moment when I can’t touch you?”
Wilbur’s eyes were locked on the now frozen hand for a good second before returning to T0M, nodding. “Uh, yeah.”
“... Okay.”
The hand retracted in the following seconds, and soon, he was back in his initial position.
The doctor thanked before regaining his composure. He looked back at T0M, and his expression held remorse. A guilt twisted Wilbur's guts at the view. Thing is, as T0M grew up, people quickly realised he was the equivalent of clingy. He would constantly grab people into hugs and had a hard time keeping his voice down which resulted in a large noise blocker investment. And so they had a rule. T0M couldn’t make any sort of physical contact with anyone without being given explicit permission first. Obviously, most workers considered T0M as a test subject and therefore, wouldn’t give him that pleasure.
Wilbur, though, was not in the same vein. Once he realised how empathic and emotional and human T0M was, he started teaching him things a human teen should need, and started giving him a sort of affection a human teen should have. Which included some sort of physical affection.
When T0M was sad, he would sit next to him or pat his back. It quickly evolved as Wilbur accepted being held by the boy and brought to eye level as long as he was careful when doing so, and ever later, they would hug and wilbur would try to brush his hair at times.
Still, that didn’t make him immune to any of T0M’s carelessness which’s consequences were amplified ten fold due to his scale.
“Did I do something wrong?” he asked pitifully.
“I- no, it’s not your fault. It can just be a bit overwhelming is all.” Wilbur explained.
“... what does that mean?”
“It means… when something is ‘too much’. Like when you want to bring Techno very close, but he keeps reminding you about the rule.”
“Oh.” T0M let his head fall. “... I don’t like that.” Wilbur scratched his head. “I want to be so close and show that I’m very happy and it’s all inside and I can’t let it out.”
“Well, here, it’s a bit more of the opposite. When outside, there is a lot and you’re incapable of letting it in.”
“... I’m sorry Wilbur” he mumbled.
“It’s okay, I’m not angry.” reassured the brunette. “I just have sensitive ears.”
“...Everyone has sensitive ears.”
“Well, when you’re a small guy like me, you’re sensitive on pretty much all fronts.”
“... It’s not fair.”
“What’s that?” Wilbur perked.
“When I stop getting big and strong, I want to hug you with all of my will. Like you do with me. It feels nice. I want you to feel nice just like that. I want you to be overwhelmed with happiness. I want to hug you so, so bad but I can't and it's shit. I don't want to be strong, I hurt you if I’m strong. I want to hug you."
Tommy vented, more to himself, and when he looked at Wilbur, his eyes shined, not with joy.
"Oh Tommy…."
It ached. It ached Wilbur to his core that something as simple as a hug was something he craved and still couldn't get. Because he knew. He knew all of the things T0M was missing out on. All the life he could have lived if he was granted freedom. How much he could live and appreciate. It kept him awake at night.
But he was here. Trapped. In a room barely tall enough to contain him, treated like a circus monster. And the worst thing was, T0M wasn't aware of it. Of all the life he wasn't living. How his life was no life and how he thinks this absence of everything is what life should be.
Plato would probably laugh in his grave.
"I promise you. One day, you will be able to do that. I promise you that I'll find a way for you to hug me just like you are a small man too. I promise you that I'll make you discover all of those joys of life, Tom. I Promise you. I will help you. And I'm sorry for not being able to provide it sooner. And I'll apologize for all the years it took for me to get it."
They stared at each other, and Tommy nodded, throat tight and eyes wet.
"And a promise makes sure that it's gonna happen." T0M croaked.
"Exactly, tom." Wilbur smiled. "You are going to live many more things."
The bell rang, and both faces fell a bit.
"I'll see you in 4 days, Tom. We're gonna have a little recap over the emotions you learned and then I'll teach you about relationships."
"Oohh, that sounds nice! What is it?"
As Wilbur packed his little bag, he looked at T0M and simply replied "it's all around you. But I'm not gonna spoil the next session. On that note, I wish you a nice week, Tom."
"Have a nice week, Wilbur! " T0M waved with a smile. "It's nice talking to you."
"It is my absolute pleasure, Tom."
And thus, they parted. As Wilbur walked down the immense corridor (just tall enough Tom could run through them.) He wore a satisfied smile. His small steps resonated, the only sound in the room, yet peaceful enough for his ears to listen to them as carefully as silence. Halfway through, the sound was doubled.
"Helloooo."
"Oh, hey techno! How are you?"
"Doing fine. You seem very happy."
"I am. I made some good progress with T-he subject. I feel like he's learning well. The next tests should have fabulous results."
"Ahh, wonderful. Let's make sure it doesn't learn too much though." He joked.
And at that, Wilbur chuckled, his hand on the man's shoulder. "Oh don't you worry about that, my friend. I can assure you that'll never happen"
"Amazing" techno replied, deadpan. Both nodded their conversation away and walked the rest of their ways.
As he got further away, the doctor's smile turned to an amused grin. His steps resonated, so much smaller than what could be, in a corridor in which the boy just next door should walk through.
"Don't you worry about a single thing."
MEL YES I ADORE THIS AU SO MUCH ITS SO GOOD!!!!!!!!
Poor Tommy but at least Wilbur is helping him :”]
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theji · 3 years ago
Text
Things Yizhan Made Me Do
It's BXG Day today! 🐢💛
To commemorate the occasion, I thought of making a list of 13 out-of-character things that I've done since falling into the fandom. (OK I'm a bit late I meant to do this sooner, the day is ending soon in a couple of hours).
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1. Start a blog
And a public one, no less. I had a blog when I was in my teens but that was private, like a personal diary. My day job already involves writing so off-work I would usually like to indulge in mindless activities. Now, here I am, maintaining a Yizhan blog. I have not even used Tumblr prior to this but I'm enjoying it now, rambling about our fav boys. Writing is not a chore if it's about them.
2. Join a fandom
I joined a boy band fan club once upon a time, some 15 years ago, but I was never as invested in it as I am now with Yizhan. Back then it was just buying some merch, attending their concert/autograph sessions, listening to their songs. Apart from work, dog mum duties, personal relationships, other hobbies like kombucha brewing, most of my free time is now spent on the fandom. My Netflix account is crying. There is just so much to do and catch up on (I'm not complaining). I also enjoy interacting with and learning from other bloggers here. Antis are no fun and some industry news/developments/hate messages are upsetting but ultimately, you curate your own fandom experience. And I choose positivity and rationality.
3. Indulge in RPS
I don't ever 'ship'. What is 'ship'? 😆 I was always a dutiful audience, just enjoying whatever drama series and moving on after that. I started with CQL like most people and I didn't even notice/like GGDD until much later. Didn't even set out to 'ship' anyone but now I'm a self-professed turtle. SZD is SZD, and anyone can see something special between them if you keep an open mind. I wrote about my SZD reasons here previously. That said, GG & DD are individuals, each with their own successful careers. They come first, the ship comes second. That I'm very clear of.
4. Use Chinese apps
Gosh, my phone and tablet are now full of Chinese apps. I used to have only WeChat cos I needed it for work but now I have Weibo, Oasis, Douyin, WeTV, MangoTV, Youku, etc. Some of them are not even available in the app store so I had to find alternative sources to download them. haha..I even have paid membership for some of these apps. And now, browsing Weibo daily becomes a routine. If you wish, you can just get stuck browsing Weibo for a long long time. It's entertaining.
5. Read fan fic
I only started about 6 months ago but now I'm hooked and fics are largely the only thing I read these days, apart from news. But I only read Yizhan or WangXian fics (p.s. calling for fic recs of other pairings!) I know some might have different feelings about fan fics but to me, I really just see them as fiction, with characters (and sometimes traits) bearing similarities to GGDD. Similarly, I separate the platform from the incident so I have no problems going to A03 despite GG's incident. I just enjoy seeing the characters named XZ/WYB having happy endings in many different timelines and universes. While most of the fics I read are explicit (by design), I don't use them as tools to play out certain fantasies or to think of GGDD in a sexual manner. In fact, I really hate fics that have little substance and just go into the explicit parts without plot development. I like those with interesting premises too, like one I read recently where XZ is a serial killer and WYB is a police officer investigating the case but also in love with him. I do have plans to share my list of fav fan fics some time down the road so keep an eye out for it!
6. Willingly read Chinese
Yes, Chinese may be my mother tongue but I don't use it much in daily living unless I have to. I also find it tedious to read Chinese cos the characters are just so squashed together. If I have a choice, I will always pick English. But now, I read so much Chinese from my daily weibo browsing. I even read fan fics in Chinese! Who am I? On the plus side, I think my Chinese comprehension and translation skills improved. I also picked up some internet lingo used by Chinese netizens, which are pretty interesting like doi, 🐮🍺, 🖍. My all-time fav is yyds.
7. Act like a cougar
In real life, I have always maintained that younger men are childish. At least those I have encountered. But look at me now, fangirling over two younger men (I am closer in age to GG, but still..). I even jokingly call them my 'China Boyfriends'. I look at them very respectfully most of the time.
8. Buy merch
Seriously, once you start, you can't stop. At least that was what happened to me, although I'm still quite selective when it comes to supporting their endorsements. I usually go for consumables like food, cosmetics vs collectibles cos I'm more practical. Also, GG says to support their merch within reasonable means so that's what I'm doing. Just buying things that I'm interested to try and not because it has their faces or names slapped on it. In a way, this suits me cos I like trying new brands and stuff anyway.
9. Keeping a Yizhan archive
Photos, weblinks, videos, songs, fan fics list..my phone is full of these things now. I think my Yizhan photo gallery is only second to the folder with my dogs' pictures. But how can you resist when we are blessed with new pics of them almost every week?
10. Camp for livestreams
I'm lucky I live in the same time zone as the boys so I don't have to wake up in the wee hours of the morning just to watch something. But that's the thing, being in the same time zone sometimes make me feel like I HAVE to watch that thing live because, why not? Why wait? Not shy to admit that I once watched a live programme in the middle of work but I made sure I finished what needed to be done. I think so long as we don't let these livestream schedules run our lives, there's no harm in camping for them.
11. Watch c entertainment
I am one of those who used to pass over Chinese productions, simply because it's a Chinese production. Not in a scoffing manner but I'm just genuinely not interested in them nor the celebs. I was more of a US/UK production kind of person, occasionally Korean/Japanese. Now, I'm learning to enjoy them although I just watch those with GGDD in them. No energy to follow other Chinese celebs anyway. The other programme I'm contemplating watching even if it doesn't have them in it is Who's the Murderer (GG was only in one of the cases) cos I like the premise. On the flip side, now my sis and partner keep making fun of me cos to them, all I do now is "watch China shows". That is so not true. Or is it?
12. Write fan mail
I wrote a letter to GG once. A long-ass letter. I hope he read it. That's all I'm gonna say. 🙈 hahahahaha
13. Desire to visit China
China was never on my list of to-visit places. Just wasn't interested. I have been to Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou a few times in the past for work but even then, I never felt the urge to revisit for leisure. Now, I wanna visit GG and DD's home town, visit Chongqing to see the graffiti wall with Bobii Zanbii on it, eat mala hotpot and try out their sauce recipe, attend BXG events, dine at the CQL restaurant... Watching TTXS also made me realise that there are many beautiful places in China with natural landscapes and all that. I used to be clouded by my disdain for the regime and some behaviour of its citizens but now, I recognise that the country is separate from the regime or a smaller group of poorly behaved citizens. China is a beautiful country and I would love to visit some day. I will fly over immediately on my own if someone gives me tix to ADLAD!!
Well, I hope some of these things resonate with you. Feel free to share the OOC things that Yizhan made you do.
Once again, Happy BXG Day! 🐢💛🐆🐇🐷🌶🦁🍑🐶🍍🛹🎋
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Note
Among Us idea: Because I'm a little bit obsessed with game mechanics and glitches in fic...how about a round where one of the Hermits gets left behind? The game ends, and everyone but them is transported to the lobby, but they're just left on an empty ship flying eternally to some destination it will never reach... All the tasks are done. There's nothing left to do. So why is the game still keeping them there? And how do they escape? (It could also be two people left, if writing just one alone would be boring. Your choice who!)
SKSKSKSKSK HOW DO YOU DO THIS I’VE BEEN PLANNING OUT AN IDEA IN MY HEAD FOR THE LAST FEW DAYS IN WHICH TWO PLAYERS ACCIDENTALLY GET LEFT BEHIND HOW DO YOU KEEP READING MY MIND (/lh)
also i had a kind of idea to expand the concept a little bit and i hope that’s okay :)
also also i too love the ideas that utilise glitches or kinda ignore game mechanics; they're always so interesting to write! :D
Having finished his tasks a long time ago and not being teleported to any meetings lately, Skizz wanders around the whole ship, trying to find a friend. A buddy. Or literally anyone. But the ship seems deserted.
Finally, Skizz wanders into admin and checks the special table.
To his shock, he finds only two yellow faces on the screen: one in admin and one in cafeteria. So he rushes into the cafeteria and literally bumps into someone coming the other way.
“Oh my gosh, FINALLY,” Impulse breathes. “Where IS everyone?”
Skizz glances away, unable to meet his best friend’s gaze. “We have a problem.”
Impulse frowns. “What?” he asks warily.
“Um…” Skizz rubs the back of his neck. “So… it seems we’re the only two people on the ship.”
It takes a moment for Impulse’s brain to process what his friend just said. “...what?”
“I looked around the whole ship and then went to the admin table. There were only two yellow dots: me and you. There’s literally nobody else anywhere on the ship, dude.”
“But… I…” Impulse blinks. “How is that possible? Did the game end and leave us behind, somehow?”
“I feel like that’s the only possible explanation, but at the same time, it makes no sense.”
“Well, if this IS what happened, it’s gotta be a glitch, right?” says Impulse.
Skizz nods. “Gotta be. But now the question is… how do we get outta here?”
Impulse gazes around the room. “The game always automatically puts us back in the lobby when we’re done, so… I don’t think there’s a way of manually doing it.”
Skizz stares back at him with wide eyes. “You mean we’re stuck in THIS particular ship forever?!”
“W-Well, hopefully not FOREVER,” Impulse responds nervously. “I’m sure they’ll have realised we’re missing by now and they’ll be trying to get us back.”
“But what if they can’t?!” Skizz yelps. “We’ll be trapped in this purgatory forever!”
“Not helping, Skizz,” snaps Impulse. “We’ll be totally fine. There’s nothing to worry about.”
“Yeah, like I can have ANY faith in your words anymore,” mutters Skizz, turning away.
Impulse glances sharply at him, sensing that his best friend’s words aren’t about Among Us. Not entirely. “What do you mean?”
Skizz just rolls his eyes and walks off.
Impulse watches him go. Looks like Skizz hasn’t been so quick to forgive and forget after all. Now the way Skizz was acting around him earlier makes sense.
After making a quick trip around the ship, Impulse discovers Skizz sitting leaning against the wall in admin, tossing a stack of ID cards at the wall one at a time.
“Still no way off,” Impulse reports. “Looks like we’re stuck here until they rescue us. Flying through space. On a ship heading to nowhere. An endless journey. With nothing except-.”
“Yes, okay, I get it!” Skizz snaps at him.
After a moment, Impulse leans against the admin table. “Skizz, you’ve been acting weird around me all night. I think we need to talk.”
“I don’t wanna talk.”
“C’mon. We’re stuck here on a ship on our own for the foreseeable future. There’s no better time to talk than now.”
“Okay!” snaps Skizz unexpectedly, jumping to his feet. “FINE! You wanna talk?! I don’t care! You did a LOT of talking back there on 3rd Life and not a word of it was true!”
Impulse frowns. “Is that what this is about?”
Skizz’s eyes nearly pop out of his head. “WH- WHAT DO YOU MEAN “is that what this is about”?! You say that like I’m mad at you for stealing my sandwich! Impulse, you LIED to me, BETRAYED me, and then watched Grian KILL me! You told me over and over again that you were on my side and you were loyal to us but you planned to betray us from the start! Y-You planned to betray ME. Do you-” He breaks off with a bitter laugh. “You know what, I was gonna say “do you have any idea how much that hurts?” but you DO, don’t you? Because your own ally turned on you. And murdered you. And you know what? YOU DESERVED IT!”
Impulse can only stare at his best friend with an expression of guilt and sadness.
“I wanted you to go far, dude! I wanted you to win at one point!” Skizz’s voice cracks. “I thought you were the best of us but it turns out you were nothing but a dirty liar and a traitor! I thought “oh, his strategy of playing all sides is pretty smart, actually, but he’s gonna have to pick a side at some point” but I didn’t realise that meant pretending to pick a side and then STABBING THEM IN THE BACK! Of all the- the jerky things to do! You pick the worst one! I-I just don’t understand how you could do that to someone you’ve been a brother to for A QUARTER OF A CENTURY! GOD, you SO deserved to die and the biggest regret of my life is that I didn’t get imposter tonight so I could stab you in the FACE!”
Skizz finally stops talking, breathing heavily. He takes in a deep breath, rubbing his eyes tiredly. “Wow… I did not expect to yell that much…”
“I…” Impulse searches for something to say. But he can’t find anything. “I don’t…”
“You don’t have to say anything, Impulse.” Skizz gives a weak smile. “I-I think I just needed to… to let my feelings out.”
“You just needed to yell at me, huh? I get that.”
“Haha, yeah. Remember that time I snuck onto Hermitcraft and did a bunch of reckless things and then died, and you didn’t know if I was gonna respawn or not?”
Impulse nods, a small smile appearing on his face. “That’s what I was indirectly referring to. I think my throat hurt from yelling at you for, like, two weeks after that.”
“Are we even now, then?” asks Skizz.
“Well, I mean… Probably not. I still have a lot to make up for.”
Skizz shakes his head. “No, it… it’s okay. We all did things in that place that we’re not proud of.”
“Even the great Skizzleman?” teases Impulse weakly.
“Oh heck yeah. I still have nightmares about how I violently murdered two of my friends and how bloodthirsty I felt for so long. It freaks me out that I got to that point, man. Even in Among Us when I murder people, even you, I never got THAT bad.”
“Yeah, 3rd Life was…” Again, Impulse searches for the right word. “...an experience. In more ways than one.”
“It really was,” Skizz murmurs, letting out a long breath. “I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have let it affect Among Us so much.”
“No, it’s okay. And we can-.”
Impulse breaks off Skizz suddenly disappears in front of him. Blinking, he just has time to take a step forward before the admin room vanishes and he finds himself back in the lobby.
With eight people staring at him.
“Oh my gosh, finally!” Tango gasps, grabbing both Impulse and Skizz in a hug. “Are you guys okay?”
“We’re fine, dude,” laughs Skizz quietly. “We just yelled at each other a bit, that’s all.”
Impulse chuckles. “Well, it was mostly Skizz doing the yelling.”
“Yeah, true. How did you guys even manage to get us out?”
“The insane genius that is Etho hacked into the code and managed to force the round to end again,” Tango responds. “Somehow. I dunno how. Took us a while to figure out what’d happened, though.”
“Yeah, I’ve never seen that glitch before,” Etho chimes in. “There was six left, Grian and Ren double-killed me and Pungence to win, and that should’ve been it. The rest of us respawned in the lobby but we realised you two were missing.”
“Whoa, that’s so weird.” Skizz exchanges a look with Impulse. “Cuz for us, it was like the round just hadn’t ended.”
“Yeah, we’d both done all our tasks and we had no idea anything had happened.”
“What did you guys do?”
Impulse and Skizz shoot each other another look, silently making a mutual decision. “Just talked a bit and tried to look for a way out,” Impulse replies. “That’s all.”
Tango frowns, clearly picking up on the slight tension between them, but he doesn’t mention it. “Okay. Let’s hope that doesn’t happen again.”
“Yeah.”
Skizz thinks back to the way he’d exploded at Impulse, and the way Impulse had looked at him with fear in his eyes. All the fury, the despair, the hurt… It had all spilled out at once. Skizz never wants to feel that way again.
“Let’s hope not.”
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silksandcravats · 4 years ago
Note
Well well well... you're just in time Zimmermansbrat... Morby is sending out asks tonight...
You are a new follower and dont know me perhaps very well, but sometimes I like to send out litte challenges and stuff to you writers out there, and I have one you may like to sink your teeth into...
Use the following to write a story...
https://youtu.be/Tk46D1eFXZo "Dont Wanna Go The Other Way" by Cody Chesnut.
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Yep I know, this looks totally nuts right?
It's a technique my mums writing group use to create new stories, or perhaps brain storm around problems in their work.
There are rules... you can add whatever you like, but you have to use the song and at least three pictures.
I'm gonna do one myself, so I can see if it works as a new idea to get out of my writers block.
Please dont feel obliged to answer, it's totally up to you if you'd like to participate... but it would be awesome if you did!
Have Fun and Thanks for the follow
Love
Morby
Morby! So nice to hear from you again, thank you for this wonderful ask! This collage just seems so Sackler to me so I had to, lol. I feel like the final product ended up being a bit jumpy, I had a bit of trouble smoothly stringing along the different aspects into one imagine plotline, but I had so much fun with this challenge! I hope I did it justice!
masterlist
summary: y/n spends the day with her weirdo neighbour and nobody could have predicted how things pan out.
warnings: swearing, a poor understanding of New York geography
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You stood by your front door, jaw clenched, keys gripped tightly in hand, ear pressed against the wood as you listened as closely as you could for the telltale sign of your weirdo neighbour across the hall retreating into his room. 
“Oh shit, fuck are you going speedy?” 
“Oh shit, fuck are you going speedy?” 
“Oh shit, fuck are you going speedy?” 
Your eyes squeezed shut and you cursed silently. You didn’t have to look up to know who was speaking, the booming, goofy, tone. You took a deep breath to compose yourself before pulling backwards, at least as much as you could with his vice rip on your arms still present.
“Hey Adam, ugh, I was just going to run some errands I-”
“I was wondering what the fuck everyone’s been up to? It’s been quiet as shit down this whole hallway, felt like I was in a ghost town or some shit.” He interrupted you.
“That’s great um.” You tugged your arms slightly and he got the message, he released your arms finally with a quick ‘sorry’. “Anyways, um I was just headed out, I’ve got some shopping to do so.”
“Yeah so do I, that’s just where I was headed we can be like shopping buddies or whatever.” He offered, showing off a toothy grin, big eyes meeting yours. He was attractive, with his big strong nose and his long floppy black hair, you’d be lying if you said he wasn’t. You’d found yourself rather drawn to him in the beginning, but that had only lasted until the first few times he had opened his mouth. He turned out to be rather strange and awkward and it just wasn’t something you could get past, and so you had begun avoiding the pretty weirdo at all costs. 
You were ready to turn him down and be on your merry way but you were tired of avoiding him and you didn’t know how much fight you had left in you. Not to mention it was well into winter now, which meant the sun would only be up for another hour or so, and you never fancied walking through your part of New York alone after dark. And so you found yourself agreeing, how long could a few groceries take after all?
“Great but you’ve gotta come along to some to do some of my errands too.” He said, turning and walking ahead, making it halfway down the hallway in just a few long strides.
“What like drycleaning?” you asked, trotting along to catch up with him. 
“No, not really.” He answered vaguely, hurrying down the steps two at a time. 
You started with your shopping, which he let you get through without too much trouble. In fact, the whole ordeal had been almost pleasant, you were trying to pick out an onion when you looked over to see him holding two different zucchinis in his hand.
“Hey y/n. Do you think I’m more like this one or this one?” He asked rather loudly through the store, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.
“I think,” you paused, settling on one of the freshest looking onions near the top of the stack, “that it’s a wonder you’re still allowed out in public.” 
“Oh shit,” his expression shifted, his grin deepened and he looked somewhat surprised by you, “You’re a little feisty after all.” he sounded impressed, “Well if you can guess which one is right, I’ll buy all your groceries.” 
“Ok fine.” You crossed your arms, pretending to seriously contemplate the vegetables, you decided to be generous, opting for the slightly larger one. “Left.”
“Actually the answer was neither, it’s bigger than both of these.” He winked, tossing the vegetables down and circling around to your side of the display.
“Oh, I’m sure that’s true.” You jabbed sarcastically.
“I can show you later if you’d like.” he teased, walking into your space.
“Shut up let’s go.” you tried to be serious but a little giggle slipped out anyway as you playfully pushed him forward towards the checkout. 
-
Adam’s errands turned out to be a somewhat chaotic stroll through a small corner park. You must have spent much longer in that little park then either of you had been expecting, you sat on a little bench for a while just talking. You told him about the work you had been up, and he turned out to be an actor, telling you about an audition he had recently been to, and how he thought he did really well but honestly he didn’t really like the movie’s concept so if he didn’t make the role then it was no big deal.
Never being one for small talk, you were sure that your little day out with Adam would slowly trudge by, loaded with plenty of awkward silences, but it turned out being with Adam was easy. He had no trouble keeping the conversation going, and he always managed to bring up things you actually wanted to talk about. And he was so funny, you’d be willing to listen to his jokes all day except that at one point he made you laugh so hard your stomach began to hurt and you couldn’t get a full gulp of air down your lungs for almost a minute straight.
It wasn’t until the sky began to turn a pinky-orange that you realised what time it was and suggested to head back. You had wound up rather far from your apartment complex so you both made the decision to take the subway home. It was rush hour by now so you had to push and shove a bit to get down the stairs and over to the platform you needed, and it was an even tighter squeeze when you got onto your actual train. You ended up shoved tightly against him for the first few stops, it was silly, but you tried not to let yourself dwell on the giddy feeling you got being so close to him.
As you made your way out of midtown, the car cleared out some, and Adam appeared to be growing restless, surveying his surroundings to find something to occupy himself before settling on the fire extinguisher by the door. He played with the features of it for a moment before pulling it off the wall to examine it closer.
“Adam, put it back.” you quickly scolded when you caught wind of what he was doing.
“Relax I’m just looking at it.” 
“You’re not supposed to touch it!” You insisted.
“If I wasn’t supposed to be touching it then they should have attached it to the wall better.” He continued playing with the extinguisher, pulling the tiny safety bar out, dropping it carelessly, letting it rattle against the floor.
“They can’t do that, what if someone needs it, Adam, please put it down,” you begged, trying to grab it from him, but he pulled it away quickly.
“Oh come on, this thing’s probably been in here like a kajillion years, shit wouldn’t even work anymore.” He continued, twisting it in his hands.
“Yes, it does! Now leave it alone, I’m serious.” You begin to panic at the thought of him doing something dumb.
“Wanna bet?” You could see the mischief practically glittering in his eyes as he suddenly mounted the extinguisher. You felt the blood drain from your face.
“Adam I swear to God if you-” 
But you were too late, suddenly a thick cloud of fire retardant burst through the canister filling the car with smoke and panic, the force sending Adam a few feet forward before his weight pulled him back to the ground and he toppled over in a fit of laughter.
“Adam!” You screeched humiliated as the car erupted in coughing fits and a few swears. You glared straight at the floor as you marched over to him, avoiding the heated glares and shouting, as you pulled him up quickly.
“Come on this is our stop.” You announced sharply, pulling him towards the doors as the train came to a stop.
“No, it’s not.” He looked at you confused, still halfway smiling, proud of his own stunt.
“Yes. it. is.” You say through gritted teeth, pulling him onto the platform. 
Of course, it wasn’t really your stop, and you could’ve saved yourself quite a few blocks of travelling time by staying on, but the thought of carrying on with those passengers, after what Adam had done, for even a second longer was too much to bear. It wasn’t until you were nearly at your building that Adam seemed to pick up on just how upset the whole thing had made you. 
“Hey look I didn’t know it’d be such a big deal to you.” He offers, kicking a small rock along the pavement as he trudged on.
“That was so embarrassing, you can’t do shit like that Adam.” You grumble, not willing to forgive him.
“It’s New York, people do fucking weird shit here every day,”
“This is the worst apology I’ve ever heard.” You stopped on the first step of the building, turning to look at him.
“I’m sorry? Ok? I won’t do shit like that ever again when we’re out together? Happy?” He said, moving onto your step next to you.
“When are we going out together again?” You asked, cocking your head slightly. 
“Have you ever been on the roof?” He asked back, ignoring your question entirely, backing up the steps.
“No? Wait I don’t think we’re allowed on the roof!” You followed him up into the building.
“Drop your shit off and meet me in the hallway, I’ll make things up to you I promise.” He winked.
-
“Do you keep your bike up here?” You tried and failed to hide a smile at the sight in front of you. Adam was in front of you twisting and turning his handlebar, trying to show you how he could lean back and balance on the back wheel.
“Sometimes I do, no assholes have tried to steal it yet so,” his speech comes out almost in grunts, as he focused intently on performing his trick for you.
“You wanna try it?” He asks, dismounting and moving some of his hair out of his face.
“That’s ok, I’m not a stunt master like you,” you excused, “besides, I’m not sure my feet would even reach the pedals, that thing’s huge.”
“Hey look at this!” He dropped the bike, moving to the ledge of the roof, “you can see for fucking miles up here.” You followed him over, pulling the hoodie you had grabbed from your place tighter against you as a cool gust of wind flew by. It was pretty much dark now, and you could see the lights of your city clearly from here. It wasn’t a particularly tall building you lived in, there was bigger on either side and across the way, but you could see clearly down both sides of the street. New York felt bigger with all the lights on if that was even possible. There was something about the bright city lights that set off curiosity in you. People really lived in every single one of those windows, they had a whole life, and family and friends and jobs and dreams and you’ll never know most of them.
“It’s amazing isn’t it.” you sighed, staring at as much of the world as you could possibly see from your little perch.
“Yeah, it is.” He said, watching you watch your city.
-
You really had meant to go back to your place after that, but Adam had coaxed you into coming into his apartment instead, insisting that it was only fair for you to see his place after the day you had together.
“Do you want like juice or anything?” He offered, trying to be hospitable as he closed the door behind you. 
“No thank you.” you smiled, taking in the place. It was messy for sure, but you’d seen worse, there was a lot of open space in the middle of the room, there was a couch at the far end of the room, but it was covered with clothes and things at the moment.
“You like music?” He asked, messing with something that must be sitting on a small table by his front door, he moved slightly and you could see the device he was hiding.
“You have an actual record player? That’s crazy, I didn’t know people still had those.” Your feet were ready to give out after the day you’d had, so you decided to sit down on the floor, watching him shuffle through records before settling on one and moving to put it in place on the player.
“You know what they say, no music, no life.” He moved the needle, letting it drop near the edge of the vinyl. An R&B artist you vaguely recognised began playing through the apartment. 
“You listen to this stuff?” You asked, watching him sit next to you on the floor, moving directly to a lying position on the floor.
“Come on, it sounds better down here.” he insisted, patting the empty wooden panels next to him. You obliged, leaning back against the hardwood, shuffling slightly to get more comfortable. 
“I really am sorry,” he added after a while, another apology filling pushing into the brief silence of the room as you both waited for the next track on the record to begin. You kept your eyes trained on the ceiling, but you could feel his gaze move to you. “Guess I’m just a shit flirt.” Your eyes grew as you took in the weight of his words as if on cue the opening lines of the next song began softly through the apartment. You held off on laughing at him for the song choice, focusing on holding onto the words which had just come out of his mouth.
“You’ve been flirting with me all day?” You ask, turning on your side, propping yourself up on your elbow, staring at him.
“Oh fuuuck yeah,” he shrugged, turning to look at the ceiling again. “I flirt with you all the time kid,” he added casually, tapping his foot against the wood as the chorus began to pick up. 
“W-what?” you asked, dumbfounded. “You were flirting… with me?”
“Of course I was, you’re funny and I think you’re pretty smart.” he listed off easily, still staring at the ceiling, “ also you’re fucking so hot, I fucking just wanna look at your face all day.”
“Why didn’t you ask me out of something?” You hummed, looking down at the floor.
“I guess I thought that was kinda what today was.” He rolled over, suddenly his face was only an inch or so from yours.
“It can’t be a date if I don’t know it is, it only counts if we both agree that-”
“Can I kiss you?” he cut you off, eyes darting between your eyes and your lips. 
“O-okay.” your face suddenly felt hot, but you had little time to dwell on it before he leaned in, kissing you eagerly, nose prodding against yours, his hand coming up to cup the side of your face. He nipped and nibbled at your bottom lip for a moment before wiggling his tongue into your mouth, kissing you more eagerly. His other hand came up to your side, and in one swift motion, he tugged you on top of him. 
You got lost in kissing him for the tiniest moment before you mentally re-entered the room, ears perking up at the sound of the song entering its second chorus. 
“Can we redo all of this in about 2 minutes?” You giggled, pulling yourself off his mouth slightly to stare down at him.
“What? Why?” his face scrunched up in confusion and then he gripped your face, pulling you down again.
“Becaaaauuussse,” you groan, pulling back again. “Don’t wanna go the other way by Cody Chesnutt cannot be our song.”
“Too late now kid,” He hummed pulling all of your weight down to him, tucking you into his chest. “Too late now.”
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normal-thoughts-official · 4 years ago
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Fandom racism anon here and yeah absolutely (I didn't realise I had anon on lol)
Because while LOTR has problems within its themes (ie the orcs can be seen as to be coded as people of colour, especially since they ride elephants) the explicit message of the book is evil bad
Because the only people who work for sauron are evil. There are no morally grey people, they aren't misguided or tricked they just are evil and want to take over the world
And yeah I totally agree that this is more of a literal take on like empirical war (is that the word) and that makes total sense considering Tolkiens history
Whereas I would say that the allegories in shaowhunters is way more based on racial conflict within a country itself especially slavery, I can't remember if this is show Canon but is it that they have the warlock tropheys? I remember that in the books magnus talks about shadowhunters hanging warlock marks on their walls? (sorry to bring the books up)
Idk it's very hollow to me, unlike with LOTR though it's a different allegory it's totally irritating to show many of these supremecists as morally misled. LOTR says bad guys are bad guys, shadowhunters says well yeah they did follow a guy which thinks that downworlders are subhuman and should be eradicated but they just made a mistake
I want to compare this to tfatws which while it isn't really fantasy I just feel like it shows how the priorities of the writer can impact the message of the show so powerfully (I know u aren't up to date so I'm gonna be pretty vague)
There's a scene in tfatws where the new white perfect captain America does something bad and doesn't pay for the consequences - done to comment on white privelege and how America condones white supremacy and how Sam is in comparison to that
Mayrse and Robert revealed to be part of the circle! And paid no consequences Shock horror my parents were the bad guys (even rho they were either implicitly or explicitly extremely racist the entire time) also I haven't finished the seires but do the lightwoods ever try to get their parents to face the consequences?)
Only one actual really critiques the situation and the reality behind it whereas the other one is just to centre the white characters once again and present them in a further sympathetic light
AND ANOTHER THING! I was mostly talking about show Canon here and I'm sorry to bring up the books but I literally can't believe I hadn't picked up in this before.
So like downworlders = people of colour, Simon is a vampire so is coded as a person of colour. However in the books in the last one he stops being a vampire and becomes a shadowhunters instead, coincidentally that's also when he starts dating Izzy HOW IS THIS ABLE TO HAPPEN!!????
I mean I know cassandra clare is lazy right? The original seires is by far the worst of all her writings but come ON!!!!! By the allegory has he become the white man!????? These books made no fuckin sense when I read them at 15 and they make no sense now I'm digressing anyways
I don't know man I wrote this ask because I was trying to find some fantasy book recommendations on booktube and SO MANY of them were about slavery or general ly extrême préjudice with à White protagonist to save this 'poor souls'.
Also I was watching guardians of the galexy the other day and realised nearly every movie set in space is just bigger stakes imperialism - planets instead of countries. Literally star wars, star trek, guardians of the galexy 2, avengers infinity war - all are facing genocidal imperialistic villains without actually paying much, if any attention to those effected
Just writing this ask made me exhausted I'm so tired of lazy writing and exploiting other people's struggle. I'm white and I'm trying to be more critical about the movies, shows and books I watch and read but let me know if I said something off here❤️❤️ you gotta get up to date with tfatws man, Sambucky nation is THRIVING!!!!
i'm not sure i agree that the whole "the evil people are evil" thing is a good thing, because i feel like more often than not making the bad characters just like... unidimensionally evil just means that the reader will be like "lol i could NEVER be that guy" and when it comes to racism that is a dangerous road to take because white people already believe that racism is something that Only The Most Evil People, Ergo, Not Me, Can Do, which makes discussions of stuff like subconscious racial bias and active antiracist work become more difficult because people don't believe they CAN be racist unless they're like, Lord Voldemort
which is not to say that racism should be treated as morally ambiguous, just that the workings of racism should be represented as something that is not done only by the Most Hardcore And Evil, but rather as a part of a system of oppression that affects the way everyone sees the world and interacts with it and lives in it
yes the warlock trophies are mentioned in the show, albeit very quickly (there is a circle member who tells magnus that his cat eyes will make "a nice addition to his collection" and then it's never mentioned again because this is sh and we love using racism for shock value but then not actually treating it as a serious plot point or something that affects oppressed ppl). and you are absolutely right, shadowhunters (and hp, and most fantasy books) has genocide as its core conflict and treats it, like you said, in a very hollow way, treating racism as both not a big deal and not something that is part of a system of oppression, but really the actions of a few Very Bad People. it's almost impressive how they manage to do both at the same time tbh
i think you hit the nail right on the head with this comment, actually. for most of these works, racism is SHOCK VALUE. it's just like "lol isn't it bad that this bad guy wants to kill a gazillion people just because they are muggles? now that is fucked up" but it's not actually an issue. in fact, when this guy is defeated, the whole problem is over! racism is not something that is embedded into that world, it's not a systemic issue, it's not even actually part of what drives the plot. the things that led to this person not only existing but rising to power and gathering enough followers to be a real threat to the whole world are never mentioned. it's like racists are born out of thin air, which is dangerously close to implying that racism is just a natural part of life, tbh
anyway my point is, it is never supposed to be questioned, it is never part of a deeper plot or story, its implications are barely addressed except for a few fleeting comments them and there; so, it's not a critique, it's shock value, even though it is frequently disguised as a critique (which is always empty and shallow anyway. like what is the REAL critique in works like hp or sh/tsc other than "genocide is bad"? wow such a groundbreaking take evelyn)
about simon and the book thing: i actually knew about this and the weird thing about this is that, like... simon is jewish, and he's implied to be ashkenazi (calls his grandma bubbe which is yiddish, which is a language spoken by the ashkenazi ppl), and it seems like cc is always toeing the line between him being accepted by shadowhunters and then not accepted by them, which sounds a lot like antisemitic tropes and history of swinging between (ashkenazi) jewish ppl being seen as the model minority myth and thus used as an example by white christians, and being hated and persecuted. i'm not super qualified to talk about this since i'm not jewish and i'm still learning about/unlearning antisemitism and its tropes, and i don't really have a fully formed thought on that, tbh; it just reminds me of the whole "model minority" swinging, where one second simon is part of the majority, the other he's not, but always he is supposed to give up a part of himself and his identity in other to be "assimilated" by shadowhunter culture. this article (link) covers a book on jewish people and assimilationism into USan culture, this article (link) covers british jews' relationship with being considered an ethnic group, and this article (link) talks a bit about the model minority myth from the perspective of an asian jewish woman
it just really calls to my attention that cc chose to make her ashkenazi jewish character start off as a downworlder and then become a shadowhunter. i don't think she made that decision as a conscious nod to this history, because it would require being informed on antisemitism lol but it's incredible how you can always see bigoted stereotypes shining through her narrative choices completely by accident. it just really shows how ingrained it is in our collective minds and culture
and anyway, making a character go from the oppressed group to just suddenly become the oppressor is just. wtf. not how oppression works, but most of all, really disrespectful, especially because she clearly treats it as an "upgrade"/"glowup" that earns him the Love Of His Life
also, out of curiosity, are you french? it seems like your autocorrect changed a few words and i'm pretty sure extrême and préjudice are the french versions of these words, and since u said ur white, that's where my money would be lol
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artificialqueens · 3 years ago
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Gimme Love, 9/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder
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AN: Sorry for taking so long to upload! I've had a hard week but everything is fine. Here we are - the end! Wanna know something interesting? There was actually going to be more to this story. Like, we were gonna get more flashbacks from when Brie and Juju went to college. There they would meet Tatianna, who was a badass feminist. And she'd be the one to help Brianna with her glow up. But the story was already going on too long and I couldn't fit any of it in.
Also I was going to go down a completely different route for the story. If any of you have actually seen the music video for Gimme Love by Joji, it ends on a more darker tone. And that's how I was gonna do it with this fic as it was based on it. But I just couldn't do it.
So I hoped you guys enjoyed it. I know I didn't get a lot of reads on it, but I'm glad knowing it was recieved by some. Anyway, on with chapter 9!
Major TW's for this chapter: Alcohol, mental health discussion.
2020
It was the day of the pre-party. It was going to be held at my place. I was prepared for possible drunkenness, embarrassing moments, but celebrations of everything we had accomplished. This was something I had worked my ass towards for so long, and it was finally happening.
I smiled, proud that I had finally punched myself in the face (figuratively, of course). I opened my eyes and saw how easy it was to rekindle with Mom. I was scared about seeing her in a few weeks, knowing we'd have to talk about my issues. But I knew now. If I didn't, I would just continue to get worse and worse.
On top of that, the Ed Sheeran problem was over and done with. His team understood fully, and he was set to perform at the launch.
And finally, I would meet Blair again. And it would be different this time. I wouldn't be the shy, insecure teenager she had always seen me as.
However, despite all these promising signs, my smile dropped. I imagined this morning playing out entirely differently.
Jujubee would be the first person to message me. Fuck, she'd probably even break in just to make sure I was up.
None of that happened. I know one should manage their expectations better. But it still hurt.
After two cups of coffee, some soggy cereal and a shower, I tried calling her. It rang a few times but went straight to voicemail mail.
I didn't bother leaving another message. I didn't wanna freak her out.
I probably wasn't helping my case. She probably thought I was relying on her, that she was life support for me.
But that wasn't the case. I mean, I couldn't just stand up and be like, "OK later, bitch," after practically growing up together. How could I just let go of someone I held so dear to my heart?
My eyes travelled across the kitchen, at first only her disappointment during our argument, how I had never seen her so angry.
On the counter, beside the fridge, there was my memory box.
What would Grandpa say in this situation?
Remember how I would write things he'd say to me? Just little bits and pieces of advice as something I could hold on to? I gave it to Mom to put it away for me. It had to be in the box.
I stood up, the stool making a scraping sound along the ground.
But a knock at the door tore my attention away.
Why did I hope it would be her?
Well, because it wasn't out of the ordinary for her to come and visit in the morning. Maybe this was it. I was forgiven.
I rushed to the door with the slight fear that if I wasn't fast enough, I'd miss her.
I unlocked the door and flung it open, a smile on my face, ready to greet her.
5 people were standing there; the decorators. I tried not to let my smile falter as I let them in.
-_-_-_-
8PM and my place had never looked livelier. For my first time hosting a party, it didn't feel like there was much hosting to do.
It felt like any other party I had been to, a room crowded with people dancing or talking to each other.
The music wasn't too loud, so the disorientation wasn't there.
I held back from drinking with the fear of doing something embarrassing, especially around Blair.
My bathroom was still clean when I went to apply a fresh coat of gloss. Good. Nothing to worry about.
I made my way back downstairs to the party, crossing the barrier at the bottom. The only place off-limits to the guests was upstairs. I'd hate to think there would be some people who'd want private time, especially in my bed. It happened at college once.
After a small party in our dorm, I found a couple midst coitus in my bed. Never again, I had said.
"Brianna!"
My head whipped in the direction of the voice, every bit of hope I had inside building up.
"You look stunning." A raven-haired woman approached.
"Thank you," I said in more of a questionable form. My brain couldn't figure out who this was.
"My name is Raja. I'm a writer for Cosmo," that explained it, "I was wondering if I could ask a few questions for a piece I'm doing. It's on the most influential women of the year."
I wanted to say no in the case I missed the arrival of Blair.
As if she read my thoughts, she spoke again. "It won't even be five minutes."
She was right about that. 15 minutes it lasted. We were locked in my bathroom, the four walls making the place feel cramped.
She asked me questions about how I reached this level, my morning routine, and what I put in my hair to make it so voluptuous. And all the while, I just kept fearing that Blair had arrived. That she had searched around for me and left when she couldn't find me anywhere. I would discreetly glance at my watch, hoping too much time didn't pass. But around 5 minutes in, I didn't care for subtlety. Not that Raja noticed. The questions seemed endless.
When she turned her recorder off, she further complimented my outfit. I thanked her, inching my way to the door. This lasted another 3 minutes.
She said I was a tiny woman with a lot of heart. I held back from saying I was a tiny woman with a lot of baggage.
When I finally escaped, I searched the place for Blair, and when I didn't find her, the panic started.
"Did anyone come in in the last 15 minutes??" I asked the workers hanging by the door.
"Yeah, there were 2 people. And I've never seen them around work. Could be anyone, Brie." They said with worry in their tone.
"OK, was one of them a girl? Blonde hair. Around my age?" I questioned further.
They glanced at each other for clarification, then looked back at me and shook their heads.
"Nope. Just two guys." One said.
"Probably on a pussy hunt at their local party." The other said.
"Or dick hunt."
"Or both."
"Nah, how would they even get in?"
Realising this was not Blair they were talking about, I thanked them and excused myself.
So she wasn't here yet. That's fine. Probably just running late.
I gave in and had one glass of champagne. Just to calm my nerves.
And the last person I wanted to see started to approach.
Ed fucking Sheeran. He raised a glass to celebrate and thanked me for the hotel room we paid for. I said it was no problem. And just as he was about to suggest some pictures for his Instagram, I quickly navigated away.
But I was caught by another person who just so happened to be Joey.
"I am so glad you changed your mind about the whole Ed thing. Like...girl…" he sipped his own drink.
"Yeah, it was easier than I thought." I shrugged. "Kinda feel awkward being in his presence now, though."
"I'll distract him if you want. British guys are kinda cute." Joey smirked.
I tsked, cocking my head at him. "Joey, you didn't like the guy a few weeks ago."
"I never said I didn't like him." He smirked.
"I mean, you can try." I rolled my eyes, a small smile appearing on my own face, "don't expect it to go anywhere."
Joey winked and brushed past me, making his way in Ed's direction.
Setting my glass down in my sink, I made my way to the bathroom just to check my lip gloss. A woman couldn't be too careful.
Once inside, I felt cramped again despite being alone. Maybe it was the underlying feeling of worry from being trapped in the room with Raja.
I told myself to breathe but then questioned why I was even doing such an exercise. Everything was fine. Life was good.
Looking in the mirror, my gloss was fine. But I applied a new coat anyway, just a reassurance.
And upon leaving, I set out in search of Blair again. She had to be here, just somewhere lost amongst this large amount of people.
Maybe she found someone else to talk to. Maybe not.
I moved to the balcony, the cool night air a relief.
But she wasn't there either.
I sighed, wanting a cigarette or something. Anything to calm the rising panic I was feeling inside.
I closed the door and moved further into the night, peering over the balcony and out into New York. The twinkling lights were pretty. I took a picture and sent it to my Mom. And in a few seconds, she started calling me.
"Hey, Mom."
"Hi, baby. I just thought I'd see how things are going." She asks, sounding pretty optimistic.
"I mean... it's OK, I guess. A bit crowded at my place right now." I replied.
"You nervous for tomorrow?" I hear the mischief in her voice.
She believed I'm not nervous, that I was a confident, strong woman. But she was wrong. "Of course I am. I mean, we've gone through all the precautions, so it should be fine. But still…"
"Well, baby, I promise you, everything will work out fine. It's you we're talking about."
I smiled, trying to teach my brain to agree with her.
"I would say I'd have a drink for you, but I'm trying to keep away from it tonight." Even though that was a lie.
"Yeah, you don't wanna go do something embarrassing like flashing anyone or whatever." She laughs.
"Wow. I didn't realise that was something I did." I quipped sarcastically.
"How about Jujubee?" I could still hear her smile.
But mine slowly dropped. Fuck, I had no idea. Immediately I stood back from the balcony. "Ugh...yeah, she's fine. She's good."
I moved to the door and looked past the glass at the large number of people. Fuck, I didn't even know if she was inside.
"Am I gonna get to see a picture of your outfits? You two always look like the stars of a party."
"Yeah," I faked a small laugh. "I'll go find her and get a picture. I'm gonna get back inside, OK?"
"No problem, baby. Love you."
"I love you too." I clicked end call and quickly made my way back inside.
How the fuck had I forgotten about her so quickly? Not like she was in my mind that morning or anything.
Now I had to find 2 people. I rushed inside, looking out for both of them. I checked the kitchen, dining area, lounge, the bathroom. Fuck, I even checked upstairs in the case Jujubee was there.
But there was no sign.
Where the fuck was she? Where was Blair?
It was getting harder to hold down the anxiety. Was Jujubee right about Blair? Was this another instance of my childhood crush getting my hopes up and flaking out?
The next drink tray I saw, my hand went straight for another glass. Two wouldn't hurt.
"Hey, you made it!" I heard from the front of the room, by the door.
I quickly downed the champagne and practically ran for it, too afraid to miss who had arrived.
Just as my hopes were quickly up, they fell just as fast. It was just Alex, Joey hugging him at the door.
"Fuck...Fuck...Fuck…" I whispered to myself.
A third glass of champagne found its way into my hand, and in a matter of seconds, it was down the hatch. I grimaced at the taste now, feeling like I could throw up at any second. Was that all just the anxiety, though?
Another bathroom break, I was fixing my gloss once again, scared to ruin my makeup. My hands were trembling. Fuck.
It wasn't stopping.
Back out in the main room, I tried to scan the crowd, standing on my tiptoes to try and see past everyone. It didn't help much.
Despite the music and rambling chatter happening around me, I heard the front door open, my eyes shot in its direction.
I struggled to move past a small group of coworkers, trying to get a good view of the door.
I didn't even get my hopes up this time. And, of course, it wasn't Blair.
Jujubee was right. Blair wasn't coming. Once again, she had led me on to believe I did mean something to her and that she'd give us a chance.
My hand gripped my scalp, turning away from the door. I growled, "Fuck," which didn't go unnoticed.
There was Nina with a hand on my arm. "Are you OK?"
"Yes." I lied so quickly. "I'm fine. Just... it's a little crowded in here," I fidgeted with my hands, "Is Jujubee here?"
"Yeah, you haven't seen her?" Nina raised a brow, rubbing her hand up and down my bicep.
"No." My eyes looked around briefly. "Where is she??"
"I dunno. She's you're best friend." Nina squinted her eyes. She didn't mean to sound accusatory. I guessed she was more concerned.
"She is." I reaffirmed, even though now I wasn't so sure.
"If it helps, the last place I saw her was the kitchen."
"When?"
"Half an hour ago."
I rolled my eyes and groaned. "She could be anywhere."
"Girl, it's fine. Not like we're in a labyrinth. You'll find her eventually." Nina smiled, rubbing my arm again.
I paid her no more heed and hurried towards the kitchen in the hope I'd find her there. But like the rest of my apartment, it was crowded. I stood on my toes again to try and catch a glimpse of black hair.
But there was no sign. Stressed, a shaking hand reached for another champagne. Usually, my tolerance for alcohol was high, but right now, I was feeling it. I was wavy.
In my now weary state of mind, I decided what was the fucking point? Blair had 100% flaked, as per usual, and Jujubee was obviously avoiding me at all costs.
Nina had followed me, taking my hand. "Follow me."
I didn't fight it. She moved to the staircase, pulled back the barrier and let me pass through.
She ushered me to walk up to the top before moving no further.
Turning towards the crowd beneath us, Nina addressed the people with a raised tone. "Can we have your attention, please?"
The people went quiet, beaming up at us.
Nina talked about how much of a good night it was, all while the alcohol was taking me over.
My eyes scanned the crowd, in the final chance of hope, wanting nothing more than to see Jujubee's glowing smile shining up at me.
But I couldn't. Not because I had double vision. But because she was nowhere.
I squeezed my eyes shut, breathing hard out through my nose.
Nina put her hand on my shoulder. And only then did I realise that I had blacked out, missing everything she said. I blinked a few times, trying to clear the film that had glazed my brown eyes.
"But we all wouldn't be here without our leading lady." She smiled warmly. "Everything she's achieved, it's all brought us to this moment. Let's raise a glass to Miss Brianna Caldwell."
Everyone started cheering, only a few raising a toast, the others clapping. My eyes widened, feeling all those eyes on me.
"Hope you have a speech prepared," Nina whispered in my ear.
And me, being the queen of saying just 3 lines and quickly evacuating the scene, decided no. Fuck it. I had something to say.
When the crowd began to settle down, I began to deliver the messiest speech ever.
"Well, funny you should mention achievements, Nina, because, yeah, I'm standing here before you all, having done the impossible. But what does that matter?" I laughed, shrugging. "Yeah, it does matter a whole fucking deal. I mean, look at you all. You wouldn't be here if it wasn't?" I laughed awkwardly again, but as I continued, my smile began to disappear. "Well, sometimes you just want a certain someone to give a shit. And they make you believe that they do. Just for like 5 minutes. And it feels so so fucking incredible. It feels like...like you matter. You're not just plain old Brianna Caldwell. You mean the world to them…" My tone dropped, "And then...you realise you're the most gullible, unaware, stupid fucking idiot in the world. They don't really give a fuck about you. They don't see all the things that you've achieved in life and think…' Wow...What an incredible person.' They just... don't give a fuck about you."
Everybody looked confused, uneasy even, while others giggled. Glad to know I was serving as the entertainment for the night, and I was in the same room as Ed fucking Sheeran.
Then, as if some higher power looked at me with a shaking head, maybe my grandpa, there was a glimmer of light at the back of the room, a flash of movement. And my eyes were drawn to the source.
My heart stopped
There she was. Finally. Blair St. Clair smiling apologetically at the few people who were looking at her. They smiled back as they should. She was breathtaking.
And her eyes moved to where everyone else was looking.
Right at me.
Such a familiar feeling was falling over me.
Everyone else in the room. Gone. Like they just stepped into another world, leaving the two of us in this reality.
She panted, out a breath, like she had run to my place. Impossible, she looked like an absolute angel in her gold wrap dress.
Nina nudged me. I snapped out of my daze, reminded of the whole crowd of people looking up at me with confused stares.
Fuck...what do I say now? How do I backtrack?
"But...you know what?" I started to speak again. "You realise, you're just overthinking again. 'Cause, that's a very on-brand thing for you. Every little incident of the past has taught you to doubt that good things actually can happen to you." My smile was returning. "Because the people who give a shit are there. Because you've done the impossible. And they couldn't be happier to be part of your story." My eyes were moving through the crowd, "Do what makes the ones around you proud, and what makes you fucking proud. And don't let anyone or anything hold you the fuck back. Because you have a purpose."
Thank fuck for the fact everyone started cheering again. I thought I had fucking bombed that I would see a recording of the same speech the following day all over Twitter, along with comments about how dramatic it was.
But it was fine. I saved it. I smiled at everyone and hugged Nina, suddenly overcome with happiness.
"Fuck you for not telling me you were gonna drag me up here," I whispered in her ear.
"Well, if I had asked you in the first place, you would have said no, honey." Nina grinned.
We pulled apart, and my eyes went back to the front door. I smiled, expecting to see Blair. But she had vanished. Fuck, I hadn't imagined her, right?
I tried to carefully make my way down the stairs without tripping, ready to look for her once again.
And upon reaching the bottom, Joey grabbed my hand and pulled me close, "someone on the balcony requires your attention."
He winked, and the butterflies in my belly went mad.
She was playing games with me. Not a very Blair St Clair thing to do, but the thought excited me.
I hurried to the balcony, ready to feel that cool air on my skin, her warm body pressed against mine.
And just as I was passing through the doors, feeling the cooling breeze, I stopped dead in my tracks.
I froze.
This wasn't what I expected; seeing her standing there, only noticing how radiant she looked in her orange suit dress.
Fuck. It felt so long since I had last seen her.
But it had been only a few days.
"Hi, Juju," I spoke quietly.
"Hey," she inhaled her cigarette, looking out to the city. If she hadn't replied to me, I would have guessed she failed to realise I was even there.
I swallowed, my eyes glancing down to the ground for a moment. The alcohol in my system was telling me to just turn and leave her alone. She didn't wanna see me.
But my brain said, "you idiot, she obviously invited you out here."
So I moved forward, rubbing the backs of my arms nervously.
I stood beside her, not even daring to look her in the eye. I looked at her orange suit, how Mom would have adored it.
"You invited me out here." I leaned my elbows on the ledge, my gaze following hers over the twinkling lights of New York.
"Yeah, I did." She did offer me a cigarette, but still, she never looked at me.
I shook my head, declining her offer, "Why didn't you just come and ask me yourself?"
"I was dying for a cigarette." She breathed out a stream of smoke. "Also, I've already spent most of the night trying to find you."
I couldn't help but breathe out a laugh through my nose. I glanced at her and was glad to see the smirk appear on those lips.
"I've been trying to fucking find you." I continued to laugh, a crack to my tone, however.
She finally looked at me, turning her body to face me. Her brows were knit together, yet the smirk remained. "No. I," she stressed, "have been trying to find you."
"So...what have I been doing for the past...I dunno, few hours?" I raised a brow. "Did I take 10 hits of acid earlier, or did I not search this place from top to bottom?"
She gave me a hopeless smile like she knew there was no point in arguing. She sucked on the cigarette, offering it to me.
I gave in, taking it from her hand, my fingers touching hers with a light touch. Her eyes moved to our hands as if she was thinking about it too. The feeling like this was a moment we needed to remember.
I took a drag on the cigarette, passing it back. She looked away, briefly turning her gaze to the ground.
But I kept my eyes on her like I'd never get another chance. "I really miss you, Juju," I spoke quietly, almost through a whisper.
She looked at me again. Her mouth moved around slightly yet remained closed like she wanted to say something. But she couldn't figure out what it was she was going to say.
I reached out, took her hand in mine. She seemed taken aback at first. But as my thumb stroked against the soft skin of her hand, a small smile began to resurface.
"There are…" she paused, "things that I would love to say to you. But I just... I'm afraid."
"Is it bad? Come on, Juju. You can tell me. You can tell me anything. I mean, we've grown up together. We've always told each other everything."
She looked apprehensive before taking another drag from her cigarette. And stubbing it out in the ashtray, she turned towards me once again.
She looked ready to say it. Whatever it was. I didn't even know the words yet. But I could tell this would mean a lot to her.
The muffled sound of the many people behind the closed glass doors became clearer, amplified even. Jujubee looked in its direction. My eyes followed.
"Blair," I uttered.
She looked slightly taken aback like she didn't know how to react to seeing us.
Jujubee dropped her hand to her side, a small puff of air leaving her nostrils.
"Jujubee." A smile appeared on Blair's face as she finally approached us both. "I didn't expect to see you here!"
"Likewise." Jujubee nodded slowly. She glanced at me, and I reciprocated.
Before I could figure out her exact emotion. But now, she was hard to read once again. My brows knit together, telepathically questioning what she was feeling.
Jujubee looked back at Blair. "Talk about awful timing though, I was just leaving." Jujubee smiled back at her.
Blair's smile was disappearing. "Oh." She paused, unable to say anything else.
"You don't have to go, Jujubee." I took her hand once again, stroking my thumb over her skin another time, just to remind her of the tender moment we were just having.
She smiled again, but only now, I knew the true words behind it. She pulled her hand away. "Early rise, actually. Gotta get up and ready for the big day tomorrow, right?" She raised her brows at me. Then she looked at Blair, "It was nice seeing you," and then back to me once more, "I hope you have a good night, Brie."
She averted her eyes, not even sparing me another glance. The clacking of her heels was deafening, each step away causing something inside to sting.
"It was nice seeing you again," Blair said before Jujubee could make it through the doors.
I heard a mumbled "yeah, yeah," before Jujubee went back inside.
My gaze still followed her, watching as she navigated the crowd.
"Did she...seem off to you?" Blair asked quietly.
"Yeah," I said without thinking. "I just...I don't know what's wrong with her...I can't...work it out…" my eyes never left the door, hoping Jujubee would reappear.
And feeling Blair's soft hand in mine, I was brought back to reality. I looked at her, seeing the concern in her eyes. Fuck, what a great way to reunite.
"Is something going on?" She asked softly.
I shook my head frantically, "N-No. We're fine...I guess I'm just overreacting. Yeah, she's just been...really busy with everything."
"That's probably true." She shrugged, glancing at the door, "Well, actually, I haven't seen what goes behind the public eye, but I bet it's taxing." Blair was facing me again, her eyes widening briefly.
I let out a small laugh, "Oh, you have no idea." And only then did I get a real chance to take her in. The girl had not changed. Well, call me corny, but she only got more radiant looking.
"I didn't think you'd come," I spoke with a hushed tone.
"Sorry, I was late. I couldn't get a cab for ages." She gave a half-smile. "I guess New York really is that kind of place."
"Fuck, I didn't think about traffic. I could have got you a driver or something. "I started rambling.
"No, it's OK. I'm here now anyway." Her eyes looked me up and down, "you look great, by the way. Pink always was your colour."
Funny how the last time she gave me a compliment, I shut her down. But now, I couldn't bring myself to do so. "Thank you."
I wasn't expecting her to hug me, but she did. It was very welcoming. If I could rate it out of 10, I'd give it a 9. Why the missing point? Cause she pulled away too soon. I needed that time, just to soak up the moment.
My arm was still around her waist when she put a hand to my face.
"It's so good to see you." She beamed, the city lights reflected in her eyes.
"You wanna go upstairs? We'll hear better up there. And it's kinda chilly out here." I hoped she didn't find that creepy or like I was suggesting something because that was not my intention, believe it or not.
I almost jumped, the sound of her sweet voice dragging me out of the storm that was my inner ramblings. "What about your party?" She looked over her shoulder at all the guests behind the closed doors."
"They'll be fine," I said too quickly.
"Oh. Well, if you say so."
She didn't find that weird. Good. I finally pulled my arm from her body but took her hand instead, leading her into the apartment.
I ignored the side glances we received, too focused on her presence behind me. Still so in disbelief that for once, she hadn't flaked out. She really did give a fuck. Walking up the stairs, I only noticed how my vision had cleared. I no longer felt drunk. Had it just been a quick rush of nausea that left me feeling so weary before? Or had the shock of seeing Blair literally walk into my life again shocked me so much to the point it sobered me up?
"Here we go," I said quietly, welcoming her into the upper level.
"Wow, you got another living room up here." Blair's wandering eyes landed on the couch.
"Yeah. The one downstairs is for fucking business and parties. And this one," I gestured to where she was looking, "is for hanging out mostly, and…" Why did I have to be so nervous?
"Hookups?" She looked at me with raised brows and a smirk.
I laughed nervously, moving to the fake fireplace and turning it on. Why didn't I just say no? She probably thought I was a slut or something. "Sit down if you want. Do you want a drink? I'd love a fucking drink right now."
"Nah, I'm good. Thanks, though." She replied, sitting down on the sofa and relishing the feeling of it.
"I need some fucking water." I rushed to the mini-fridge and pulled out a bottle.
Turning back to face Blair, she was looking at me in confusion. "You OK?"
"What?" That was all I thought to reply with.
"You seem kind of…" she paused, trying to figure out her words, "on edge."
"I do?" My hands played with the water bottle.
"Yeah, you've included the word 'fucking' in every sentence since we got up here." She allowed herself to smirk.
Subliminal, Blair. I like it.
Fuck, I dragged my mind out of the gutter and practically rushed to the couch. "Oh, it's just...tomorrow. The nerves, you know." I sat on the other end of the sofa, took a gulp of water and made myself comfortable.
Blair turned to face her body towards me. "Am I wrong, or was Ed Sheeran downstairs??"
"Yeah, he was. It's kind of a long story, actually." I laughed. "You a fan?"
"No, not really," Blair replied.
"Good, me neither. Not really into the whole wedding dance song vibe."
"Me too." She groaned, "If I hear Thinking out loud at another wedding, girl, I'm just...I dunno."
"I get it. 100%"
"Well, enough about him," Blair sat up straight, a bright smile on her face. She laughed for a moment before even speaking, "Fuck, I was just about to ask what you've been up to." She gestured a hand around the room, "I mean, duh."
"Yeah," I returned the laugh, "It's pretty much just that. This project has taken up most of my life over the years."
"God, I remember reading in the paper...fuck, I can't remember the exact title. It was this tiny article just squashed into a corner. 'Scientist seeks to prove the existence of other realities.' Yeah, it was something like that. And…" She shrugged, "I just knew it was you. And, I knew you'd go far."
I felt the blush creep onto my skin. Hearing this from Blair felt otherworldly.
"I mean, I knew before. When you told me at Prom, I knew you'd be able to do it." She added.
"How did you know?" I asked.
"Just hearing how you talked about it. Like, you really believed in yourself. It made me believe too." She swapped around the legs she crossed.
"It was hard. Trying to get people on board with everything. Not a lot of people believed it was even possible in the beginning." I unscrewed the cap from the bottle of water. "And now look at me; I got the government behind this whole thing." I shrugged and took a sip of the water. Before she could go on, I took the conversation on another route. "But what about you? Where are you in life?"
I knew where she was in life. Hadn't I Facebook stalked her not too long before?
"Well, it sounds far fetched, but I'm trying to get into the music scene." Blair sat back in her seat, eyes wandering off, looking at nothing in particular.
"You always did like performing," I noted. "Starting out in the school playgrounds. Soon you'll be playing an Arena with a sold-out show."
Did I sound cheesy? Was I too much of a kiss ass? Because to me, this was honesty. I always thought Blair had the potential to be a famous singer. She had the voice, the looks, style and personality. Who wouldn't want her as part of their label?
Fuck, it only hit me that I could have gotten her a spot to perform at the event.
Blair had stood, a small sigh emitting her lips. "An Arena? Imagine that." She smirked for a moment, stepping away from the couch. For a hot second, I thought I had stepped on territory I shouldn't have, and she was leaving. But she made her way to the window, staring out over New York. So I naturally went too. "Well, I've just been singing around bars for a while now, even had 2 gigs. Nothing too amazing." She explained. "I mean, I know you say Arena and all, but, actually, I wouldn't wanna be that big. I just...want people to hear my music."
Her smile faltered somewhat, and it spoke volumes. It wasn't happening fast enough for her, the growing number of ears that would someday listen to her words. She wanted it all now.
I sidestepped a bit closer. My fingers were so close to brushing against hers, then stopping myself in realising that was too much. "It does take time, these things. I mean, I didn't get here overnight. It will happen, Blair." She flashed me a gracious smile, and I was glad she didn't find any of that condescending. That was not my aim. "Anyway, I'd love to hear your music."
"You would?" Blair cocked her head to the side, turning more to face me, her hand on the window cill closer to mine.
"Of course," I reply. She should've known that anyway.
"Well, I'm not gonna break out into song for you right now. But I have a few videos on my Facebook. You should add me." She suggested.
I had never opened Facebook so fast. "There. I sent you a request." I scrolled through her timeline, my back now to the window, "Lemme see."
"Oh, God. Please don't. Not right now." Blair panicked.
I lifted my gaze, my eyes almost wide. Blair St Clair, the girl who wasn't hesitant to approach a mic, was embarrassed. I found this to be adorable and oddly made me feel more relaxed. "Don't be shy, Blair. I'm sure they're great."
"Brianna, don't." No joke, Blair attempted to snatch my phone away like a child.
I found it highly amusing. "Why not?" I smiled mischievously.
Blair continued her protests, trying to swipe at the phone more and more, all while laughing nervously.
Eventually, my teasing led to a chase. I still scrolled her Facebook as I ran around the room, Blair behind me.
"Which one should I look out for?" I stood at one end of the couch.
Blair stood at the other end, letting out a pant. "Brianna, you better not."
I stepped to the right, throwing her off, and she ran to her left, ready to run straight at me and take the phone out of my hand.
But I tricked her. When I took that step to the right, I pulled back and moved to the left instead. And without thinking, I threw myself down on my bed.
Before I could even get up, Blair was already there, too, crawling towards me. She reached for my phone, still pleading with me to stop.
And finally, giving the current circumstances, I gave in. "OK, OK. You win. I won't play your music in front of you." I giggled mischievously, shuffling so my back was against my headboard. "You're gonna have to remind me to check it out, though."
Blair remained at the bottom of my bed, kicking her heels off and folding them like a pretzel. It was as if we were teenagers again, catching up on all the hanging out we never got to do. She fluffed out her hair, "God, Brie, I came here to have a good time. Not to work out. Why are you still looking at your phone?"
Now that I was on her profile, scrolling back to the top, I saw a familiar picture. "Wow, this George guy's kind of cute."
Blair smiled warmly, her eyes looking upwards. And I had the slightest sinking feeling she was about to tell me this was her fucking lover or husband.
"Ah...George. What a guy." Blair blinked. "He does music too. If you like my stuff, then you'll like his too. He's got this song Gimme Love. It's my favourite."
"Is he your boyfriend?" There was no hesitation in asking.
Her brows briefly crossed. "What? No. He's one of my closest friends. Really helping me find places to perform. He's just...really cool."
I mouthed a silent 'Oh' before going on and cocking my head to the side, "Do you have a boyfriend?"
Was it normal to ask shit like this? Maybe it was. But considering I had confessed to her I liked her very much in that accidental message, perhaps I shouldn't have said it at all. Didn't want her getting sus.
I got the feeling she knew I was trying to find a way in as she raised a brow at me, the corners of her mouth turning upwards. "Nah, Brie. I'm done with boys."
I lowered my phone. That could have meant anything;
She was strictly into girls;
She had just gotten out of a bad relationship with someone, and she was going through that typical 'men are trash' phase;
She used the term 'boys' when referring to immature fuck boys who still thrived in toilet paper bombing people's houses and still fought with feminists online. She was now looking for 'a real man' who would love and respect her.
She wasn't speaking, just lay back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.
Before the silence could go on and get awkward, I shifted in my own spot. "Do you wanna elaborate on that?"
"Oh. Yeah, if you want to hear it." She said like she didn't want to, and before I could stop her, she went on, "Well, the last was Conrad. He cheated on me. Before him, there was Ethan. I found out he'd talk shit about me to all his meathead buddies, said that my ass wasn't big enough. Then Bryce with his superior attitude. And…" she sighed, "Fucking Trevor."
Just hearing his name did something to me. I could feel how my shoulders had tensed, how the breath got stuck in my throat for a moment. But my ability to talk was unaffected because I spoke up, "I remember you saying he was controlling." I moved away from my headboard, shuffling closer to her, so close she could have put her head in my lap if she wanted.
Blair nodded, "he was," she breathed out a sigh, "I can't believe I'm even admitting this, but after high school, I started seeing him again. He promised me he would change, that things would be different. And I always feel like such an idiot for believing him."
That was upsetting. My hand squeezed in a fist. "So, what was the final straw? The thing that made you end things for the last time?"
Blair took in a deep breath, rolling over onto her front and propping her head upon her hands. She looked up at me with sad eyes. "He was just the same, Brie. Always controlling me, telling me how to act, who I could and couldn't hang out with. He was like that from the beginning to the end. I mean, you remember how he reacted about that one sex-ed class? And that time, he yelled at me in front of everyone for not sitting with him at lunch one day?"
I had no idea about the last thing. And I wasn't even surprised. Trevor was that type of guy, and you just knew it within the first few minutes of meeting him.
I was curious to know, but I kind of already had a feeling. Yet, I needed clarification. "Is that why you never came back to the library? Because he knew people would talk if you were seen with the school loser?" She leaned up now, but I continued. "Is it why you never came to speak to me about the prom?"
Blair was just watching me in silence. But I could see it, the realisation in her face.
"Fuck." She sat up and moved closer to me. "Oh my gosh, Brianna. I am so sorry. I had...no idea it would hurt you." We were both face to face, and she put her hands on mine, her eyes apologetic. She cussed, briefly looking away. "Fuck, I knew you hated me. The years of silence, of course, you did."
"Wait, no. Stop. I'm sorry. I don't wanna make you feel like a bad person. That's not what I wanted to do." I said profusely, my hands tightening just slightly.
"No, no. I'm sorry. You have every right to be upset." She spoke quietly, her blue eyes pleading with me. "Just be honest with me. I owe you that. You deserve to be heard."
"Really, Blair, it's fine. It's - -"
"Brianna. You're upset. You're not really good at hiding it, no offence." She smirked at the last comment. But the smile disappeared, and she waited for my response.
I stared back at her, my gaze shifting between both those eyes. My mind debated what to do, refuse to say a thing and let it all continue to build up. Or vent years of pent up emotions that needed to be said.
I looked away, deciding the latter decision was probably the best. I really didn't want to, what with the risk of upsetting her.
But maybe she wouldn't.
But maybe she would.
But maybe…
Her hand left mine and swept a strand of hair away from my face. I didn't even know it was there. "You're really hurt, Brie," she spoke softly.
I looked back to her finally, her hand lowering back down. And I finally found my voice. "OK." I shifted in my spot, highly uncomfortable. Come on, Brie. Just tell her.
"Do you remember the prom? When you asked me how we never talked more?" Just say it. "Because I always felt inadequate. Like I wasn't enough for you. And, not just you, even my…" I paused, feeling the lump form in my throat, "...my parents. Ummm…" saying that out loud to her, it hit differently. My voice was cracking. "I always associated you with my parents. I don't know where the connection came from, and I know now that that's fucked up, and I know I probably should go to a therapist about that, but..." I quickly explained. "But yeah, I just...never felt enough. Like 'why would Blair the cheerleader want to associate with someone like me? How could Blair ever love someone like me??'"
Fuck, it just slipped out. I studied her face for a reaction, expecting her to back away.
But she didn't. She just nodded in understanding, squeezing my hand reassuringly.
"But, um...I know now. It wasn't that you didn't care. It was just...fucking Trevor." I practically growled that name.
Blair breathed out a laugh, rolling her eyes. "Fucking Trevor."
"Yeah, fuck that asshole," I allowed myself to smile before continuing on. "I just... didn't understand how hard that actually was for you."
"It was very hard. God, it bothered me so much because I really did have a soft spot for you, Brianna. I really did, ever since we were kids." Blair smiled warmly. "And that's why I'm so glad you replied to my message. After all these years."
I gulped, thinking about that damn message, and now seeing her loving smile. "Y-You didn't think it was weird?"
Blair sighed, yet her smile remained. "Brianna. Do you think I'd be sitting here if it was?" She moved her hand to my elbow, up my shoulder, caressing my cheek gently.
I almost said something. I couldn't even remember what it was. Not that it mattered because I didn't get the chance. The moment I had been waiting for, it was happening. Her face was moving closer to mine, eyes slowly closing. And as soon as I felt her lips brush against mine, the feeling of her touch caused the butterflies in my stomach to flutter. I closed my own eyes and accepted what was happening.
The kiss my teenage self craved, dreamed about even.
It was reality.
We hadn't just slipped into some other world.
This was real life. The feeling of her hand on my cheek, that was real. The butterflies in my stomach fighting against the walls, also real.
And how I lifted my hand and held her face, also real.
She pulled away first, but her lips were still close, "was that OK?"
"Yeah," I moved my face back towards hers, initiating another kiss. I was savouring every bit of this moment. The sweet taste of her was too much to not let go of.
But she pulled back again, letting herself fall back against the mattress. I stared at her for a few seconds. Fuck, this was happening. Something inside me was hesitant to do this. The nerves, the fear of not being enough for her.
Blair reached out for my hand, and I knew I was just overthinking again. I took her hand and allowed her to pull me down to her.
Lowering my face to hers, I kissed her again, more hungrily this time. For a second, I didn't know where to go from there, still so in disbelief that my luck had turned around.
When I pulled away, my hand travelling down the side of her face. "Oh my God...is this real?"
"Of course it is." Blair giggled, her hands roaming up and down my back.
"OK. Good!" I panted, moving my kisses to her cheek, then her neck, and I could feel my heart beating a bit faster.
But because I am Brianna Caldwell, the most awkward person to have ever lived, I had to go on with the questions. "Hey, Blair, can I ask you something?" I kept my lips where they were.
"Mhmm?" She purred when I kissed that point where her neck met her shoulder. The pathetic noise she made almost made me melt, I swear to God.
"Were you…" come on, Brie, just say it, "were you gonna kiss me at the prom?"
She chuckled, "Yeah. But Trevor had to be an insecure loser."
I appreciated the cute giggling sound she made.
I lifted my head away from her skin and leaned up. I looked at her with a raised brow.
Blair was smiling still, but I knew she was getting impatient.
"So...you like-liked me back then too? Even when I was ugly?" I asked.
"Brianna, you were never ugly." Blair's brows connected, a hand stroking up and down my side. She really was getting needy. "And yes. I always like-liked you. God, that's so cute. You still say like-like." She took my hands and guided them to the knot tight at the side of her wrap dress.
"Shut up. Fuck, you're so beautiful." My hands began to untie the knot while I lowered my face and kissed along her clavicle and the only bit of exposed chest I had access to.
"Fuck. If only you knew how long I wanted this." Blair mewled. "I didn't think this was ever gonna happen. Even when I saw you and Juju out on the balcony, I was like...fuck. I'm too late."
Confusion immediately took me over. I pulled back again, looking down at her. A brief flash of frustration appeared on her face, but I ignored it. "Wait. What?"
"Yeah, I just…" Blair looked away for a moment as if debating on continuing or not, "always saw how you were around her. Always so happy. Like you were on top of the world. And I just didn't want to get in the way of that."
Her hand was trailing along my thigh, but I ignored it.
"Wait...Jujubee?" I knew that's who she was talking about, but even the sound of her name, it made something inside hurt. Not a hurt that she caused. Something...so different yet familiar at the same time.
"Yes. I never saw you that happy around anyone else…" Blair leaned back, balancing against my propped knees. "I mean, the prom? The way you looked at me, it was nothing compared to when you're with her. With Jujubee, it was...always so different."
Realisation dawned on me. I knew what she was getting at.
I opened my mouth to speak, ready to say I didn't like Jujubee in that way. But the words wouldn't surface. No matter how much I willed myself, I just couldn't. Even the thought of saying it made that feeling of hurt feel 10 times worse.
"You OK?" Her fingers danced around my thigh again, only with more wanting now.
"But…" I began, "I gave you my Valentine's card in first grade."
Now she was silent, her gaze shifting between both my eyes. She leaned up on both elbows, realising my questions weren't going to stop, and her pussy wasn't going to be eaten any time soon. She gave a nervous laugh, "um, no. You gave it to Jujubee."
I squinted my eyes. "No. I gave it to you, Blair."
"Girl, you gave it to me, and when I asked if it was mine, you shouted at me, saying it was for Juju and you just wanted me to check it out." She was laughing again. But seeing my still confused face, her smile began to drop. "You don't remember that?"
I was silent for a moment. Blair was in front of me, the love of my life, but all I could see was the image of Jujubee in my head. Her perfect little face, the way her eyes crinkled at the corners when she laughed, that bright smile, her silky black hair that always smelt so good.
I thought back, all the way back to that specific Valentine's Day. I remembered handing the card to Blair, her confused face, how the kids snickered as I stood there feeling sorry for myself. And Jujubee shouting at them all for making jokes.
But that was all.
"I... don't remember that," I spoke quietly, my eyes squinted.
"Not even the card she gave you?"
My eyes widened at that. "She did what?"
"Yeah, she gave you a card."
Now that she mentioned it, there was a flicker of an image in my head; something pastel pink. My tiny painted fingers holding a heart shape. Baby Brianna smiling, only to lift her head and see the other kids making fun.
"Oh, shit…" I whispered. I climbed off Blair and got up from the bed.
I was on the verge of pacing, my hand in my hair, "Oh my God."
"Don't be embarrassed, Brie." Blair was fully sat up in the bed now, her legs spread as if trying to beckon me back. "Not a lot of people can remember so far back."
I needed to prove if this was real or not. I'd call Jujubee. But then again, would she have even answered? If what Blair was saying was true, that explained why Jujubee was behaving the way she was. She was hurt. She was pissed because I didn't remember her card.
But how the fuck could I have forgotten something like that? All my life, that was all I ever wanted - to know I was loved by someone. Such a memory like that…
"Brie, are we...you know...gonna…" Blair spoke quietly.
My eyes widened. A memory like that. A memory that would be worth keeping.
I turned to face her. "Blair, wait here. I'll be right back."
"OK. Sure." Blair blinked a few times.
I wasted no time rushing downstairs. Taking a moment to observe the crowd, it seemed, quite a few guests had left already. At least it would make it easier to navigate.
I made my way to the kitchen. The memory box was still there. For a millisecond, I feared someone would have stolen it.
I took it to the counter, no one was around, so I felt safe enough to open it.
My nerves were wrecked as I lifted the latch to the box. I only had a small idea of the things that would be in here. Old photos, movie tickets, childhood drawings.
But I hadn't planned on opening it up so soon.
No. I needed to know the truth.
Opening it up, I saw a bunch of photos, tickets and pieces of folded up paper. I removed them, planning to possibly look at them at a later date.
The more I pulled out, the more confident I felt that Blair had got it all wrong. And she was the one who remembered things differently.
But there was a flash of pink at the bottom of the box. I gulped, pushing aside the scraps of paper burying it.
And there it was; A pastel pink heart-shaped card, 'Happy Valentines Day' writing in glitter gel pen on the front. "Shit…" I said quietly, pulling the card out.
Opening it up, I breathed out a puff of air.
'Dear Brianna, I know people in class are mean and say nasty things. But I think you are the prettiest girl in the world. Happy Valentine's day. Love from Juju xxx'
I could hear the younger version of myself reading it out loud, the insults from the other kids, Jujubee yelling at them because they were just jealous.
I put the card down as I realised Blair was right. And memories resurfaced, reading completely different.
That Valentines Day in which she refused to tell me who she had eyes for
That time she didn't invite me to stay for dinner.
How her smile would drop every time I mentioned Blair.
How I never danced with her at the prom
And finally, our recent argument.
It all made sense. Jujubee was in love with me. And instead of recognising it earlier on, I was too caught up with Blair to see it.
And what about me? How did I feel about her? Yeah, Jujubee was my one and only friend. She had gotten me through so much throughout the years. If it weren't for her, who knew where I would have been.
I couldn't pinpoint any time that I had thought of her as more than just a friend.
Well, maybe the times we'd lie in bed and just...stare into each other's eyes. Or the time she held me as I sobbed into her chest after the incident at the prom. Or maybe the times she'd smile, and it would brighten up my day. Or the exact day that I noticed how cute it was when her lashes fluttered.
Or…
My eyes met the heart-shaped card again, how the very sight of it made my heart skip a beat.
"Fuck." I ran my fingers through my hair as it was clear to me.
My eyes ventured away from the card, moving to the scraps of paper.
'Grandpa's tips for life'
My hand told me to examine the piece of paper further, so I did so.
At the top of the list, there it was. A sign.
'Go get her, kiddo. You've got nothing to lose.'
I needed to tell her.
I packed the box up and quickly left the kitchen, noting that a few more people had left.
"Blair!" I called, rushing up the stairs.
She was still there, laying in the bed, in just her white lacey lingerie.
I covered my eyes. "Oh my God. That was unexpected."
"Fuck. Sorry. I kind of had a feeling that would have been inappropriate." She asked.
"What? No. You're fine. I just... wasn't prepared for that." I stuttered, still covering my eyes. "Could you just...cover-up for a second."
"OK." I heard her say. "You can look now."
I looked back. She did pull the duvet up, but just below the wire of her bra.
"OK," I breathed out, trying to ignore her cleavage, "I think you're right about Jujubee."
"You think?"
"Yes," I replied before shaking my head profusely. "No. I know. You're right, Blair. I...I like her. Maybe even love her." Fuck, saying that out loud, it did something to me, "And yes, I liked you for so long, but you're right. I was always happiest with her."
I was expecting her to be disappointed, but she smiled. "Well, what are you waiting for?"
"What?"
"Go get her."
Grandpa's words reiterated.
"You're not upset that we're not gonna have sex right now?"
"No, Brie." Blair threw back the covers, picking up her gold wrap dress off the floor, "I already learned how to deal with it. Knowing you belonged to someone else." She wrapped her body up in the dress effortlessly, fluffed out her hair and turned to look at me again. "I know you're meant to be with her. So, go. Go tell her now before it's too late."
Despite this revelation, I couldn't help but feel like a dick. Blair was smiling, but I knew she had to feel some level of hurt. I walked towards her and brought her into a hug.
"I'm sorry for what I did to you, Brie," Blair whispered in my ear.
I only held her tighter, "Don't be," and I pulled away, my hands still on her shoulders, "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have ever opened my eyes."
I kissed her on the cheek, and she smiled warmly. I turned to leave, and before I made my way downstairs, I looked at her once more. Her hand was on her face where my lips had been. I was glad I could give her that one last kiss, just something to hold on to.
"You really helped me, Blair," I said.
"Good." She said graciously. "Now go."
The urgency in her voice only fueled my determination.
I was under no time limit, but I couldn't help but want to reach Jujubee as soon as possible.
When I was outside, I shouted for the first cab I saw. Thankfully it pulled over. I got in and pulled out my phone.
But the car was still.
"Go! Drive!" I raised my voice.
"Lady. You haven't even told me where you're headed!" The cabbie turned in his seat.
Fuck, I sounded crazy. How he hadn't thrown me out was beyond me.
I only realised that I had no idea where my destination was. Jujubee could have been anywhere.
The driver was still looking at me, his patience growing thin. So I barked out Jujubee's address.
He seemed relieved to be on the road again. Only then was I aware of the honking cars behind us. Typical for New York, but this was too much.
I found Jujubee's number, trying my luck at the chance she'd answer.
It rang.
And it rang.
And it rang some more.
"Come on, come on," I repeated quietly to myself. Relax, Brie. It's not like she's catching a plane to the furthest state.
The phone went straight to voicemail. "Fuck!"
The cab driver glared at me in the rearview mirror.
I ignored him and tried again. Still nothing.
A few minutes passed, and I tried once more. But again, my luck was shit on.
I dropped my hands to my lap, sighing frustratedly. All I could do was just see if she was home.
My eyes trailed to beyond the window, just hoping to get there as soon as possible.
And there she was. Walking out of a pizza place, a solemn look on her face.
"There she is," I said aloud to myself before turning my attention to the cab driver. "Stop! Pull over!"
He came to a grinding halt. "Jesus Christ, lady! You really need to stop all that yelling and - -"
I handed him a $20 bill, "keep the change. Thank you."
I got out of the vehicle, eyes looking to where Jujubee once was. She was gone.
"Fuck." I looked down one path, not there. And looking down the other, there was Jujubee, rounding the corner and eating a slice of pizza.
I ran in my heels, people moving out of the way to dodge me.
I knew I was an inconvenience to so many, but Jujubee at that moment was my priority.
Rounding the corner, I saw she didn't get far. I couldn't help but bend over for a hot second, trying to catch my breath.
And when I recovered, I shouted out, "Jujubee!"
She turned, eyes wide like she had never heard my voice before. And when she saw it was me, her face sort of fell.
My hand reached into my bag, and I pulled out the Valentines Day card.
She looked confused at first, but then recognition settled in. And the disappointment was replaced with fear.
I stopped panting. And finally, I could speak. "You were right. Approval; That's all I ever wanted. And I thought that if Blair gave that to me, I'd be good enough. Because I never felt that. I never felt good enough. I wasn't good enough for Blair, I was never good enough for my parents, and I'd never be good enough for anyone."
Jujubee was silent for a moment, eyes falling to the pavement and then back up again. "You were good enough for me."
I breathed out. "I know. But I was...too caught up in my own shit to think about how you felt. Too caught up that...I didn't even think about how I felt." I paused, thinking of how the fuck I should say it. No, I didn't need to think. This wasn't some cheesy movie. "I...I love you, Juju."
She let out a breath, a shaky one like she was on the verge of tears. And her eyes became glossy. I really wanted to tell her not to cry, to be happy. But this moment, she wanted this all her life.
A tear slipped down her cheek, but she laughed. "Fuck, I got this fucking pizza 'cause I needed heartbreak food."
I returned the laugh. "Hey, it's OK. You can still eat it. It can be normal pizza."
"No. I'm not even hungry anyway." Jujubee admitted, passing the pizza to a random passerby (who was taken by surprise but accepted the free food anyway).
Jujubee walked towards me. I smiled, already smelling that sweet perfume.
But she pushed me back. "Fuck you for forgetting about the card. I knew you did. I always remembered yours."
"I'm so sorry. I don't know why I forgot. But," I paused, "Blair reminded me."
"She did?"
"Yep."
"Wow. She remembered. But you didn't."
"Yeah. I'm...really really sorry."
"Wow. Is this our first couple fight?" Jujubee put her hands on her hips.
"It could be. If... that's what you want to call us." I suggested.
"Perfect. Seal the deal?" She raised a brow.
I knew where this was going. "Oh, absolutely."
Jujubee stepped closer, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and pressed her lips against mine. And that unfamiliar spark coursed through me, like it came from somewhere inside her and travelled through my body.
And I didn't care for the fact we were in the middle of the street, probably inconveniencing others. All that mattered was the happiness coursing through me, the feeling of...being complete.
I pulled out of the kiss first. "Wanna get in that rocket and be the first to go to the other world?"
Jujubee smiled but quickly stopped. "I-I'm kinda unprepared. I mean... I'd need a toothbrush, my clothes..."
"Where we're going...you don't need 'em." And then I played the words back in my head. "Oh. Oh shit, no. Not in that context. I just meant... you'd get new ones, you know? Fuck, I'm terrible at this."
"No. You're just you." Jujubee laughed, and fuck, I adored how her eyes were crinkling at the corners.
We grabbed the nearest cab. When we told him where we were going, his eyes widened. It would be a journey. But we paid upfront, so the driver remained silent.
When we got to base, I almost cursed myself for not thinking about how we'd access all the areas.
But there was that mastercard. And they couldn't say no. They knew who I was, after all.
When we were in the gowning area, Jujubee and I helped each other into spacesuits. I was high with anticipation, ready to see what was on the other side, ready to do it all with Jujubee.
This was our dream.
Jujubee grabbed two helmets. One for her and one for me. She tossed it my way, and I caught it.
"Ready to go?" She asked.
"Absolutely." I extended my hand, and we made our way to the door.
The cold cool air was refreshing. My eyes travelled up and down the rocket. It was bigger than I imagined, and for a small second, I felt worthless. Like I was just Brianna Caldwell, a girl from a small town with no real purpose in this world.
But Jujubee slid her hand into mine. And I was reminded that all I had to do was shut my inner demons up. Because I did have a purpose. And I was something to someone. As long as I had her, that was all that mattered.
Jujubee smiled mischievously, pulling me along the bridge, leading me to the already opened door. She ducked down and climbed into the small space, and I followed.
It was disorientating at first, what with the rocket facing the sky. I feared I'd fall trying to get into my seat. But Jujubee continued to pull me along.
When we were seated, I wasted no time putting on my helmet and initiated the activation process.
I could feel Jujubee's smirk as I flicked at switches and pressed buttons. It only fueled my excitement.
A voice came through the radio, one of the engineers. We were bombarded with questions, demanding to know what we were doing, how it was too early for take off with no press to film it, all sorts of complaints.
But we didn't care.
When everything seemed ready to go, I put my hand on the lever. But before I pulled, I turned my head to her.
"Ready to see the flying horses?" I raised a brow.
"Just as ready as I am for the cats that bark." She breathed out a laugh through her nostrils.
With another smile, I pulled the lever. The ship was rumbling now, and my stomach was doing somersaults.
We both turned our attention to the sounds of protest from the engineers. They were livid now, shouting about how the media wasn't going to like this.
I lifted my hand up, flipping the source of the sound off. Jujubee cackled to my delight.
I put the intercom on mute. And the ship took off. Mom was gonna kill me for this. I'd definitely bring her back a gift. A new vase, maybe? Yeah. A vase from an entirely new world. Something new.
I looked forward, unable to see the ground below us. How high were we already? How long was left until we reached that crossover, the gateway?
My question was answered as the ship was illuminated by a bright light.
We did it, Grandpa. We did it.
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inglourious-imagines · 4 years ago
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Engaged - part 2 (Lewis "Nix" Nixon)
Requested by: @real-fans (part 2) & @floydtab (fluff)
Summary: After the stressful yet successful evening of introducing your fiancé to your parents, here comes the second challenge - they invited you and Lewis Nixon to spend a weekend with them in a cottage.
Author's Note: There might or might not be another last part to this but I'm not sure.
Taglist: @alienoresimagines @floydtab @kyra3155 @real-fans @meteora-fc @not-john-watsons-blog @band-of-brothers-cz @tealaquinn @ok-roemanov
Part 1
.
.
.
I'm a man. I'm not a hero.
When her parents announced her the offer, she was taken away by the sudden friendliness. 
"Is this a test or are you genuinely asking me to visit our cottage with Nix?" Y/N questioned them, eyes narrowed, suspecting something.
"No! Honey, we really want to meet Louis!" her mother exclaimed with a warming smile. 
"It's Lewis, mom. His name's Lewis."
"Just bring him along, Louis or Lewis. It's gonna be fun!"
But Y/N wasn't so sure about that. Her mother was convinced that the weekend's gonna be tremendous and that was exactly what made Y/N feel slightly uncomfortable.
•••
They sat quietly in the car next to each other holding hands, both of them lost in their own thoughts. Her parents were already there and waiting only for them. 
"I'm not gonna lie, we're pretty fucked." Nixon broke the silence, his eyes didn't leave the road once as he was the one driving.
"They don't even remember you name! Could you believe that?" Y/N exclaimed staring out of the window completely irrelevant to the fact that Lewis just stated something.
"We're so damn pretty fucking fucked." he repeated as he was obviously in the same state of mind like her. Both of them panicking in their own heads. They didn't need anyone who responds but someone who listens.
•••
The dinner went surprisingly smooth. No bigger incident, no arguments, no death glare at anyone at the table.
"It's been going too well so far." Y/N whispered to Nix who was set next to her as they gathered in a living room to watch some TV. 
"I'm expecting troubles, don't worry. Something's gonna happen." Nix smirked cupping her cheek quickly, "it has to."
"I hid another extra bottle of Vat '69 in your suitcase if there's gonna be a crisis."
Nixon's head shot up and he looked at her surprisingly. His eyes shined with sparkles and his happy smile that goldened his face was so contagious. "And that's why I love you so fucking much, Mrs Nixon." Lewis whispered leaning in for a kiss.
"You better not call me that in front of them. Plus you're being way too close to me than they'd like and that hand of yours on my inner thigh is not making it any better." 
"I couldn't care less. The point is, do you like it?"
"Lewis Nixon, I'm literally going to marry you in two weeks. I think you know the answer very well." 
Her father clapped his hands as he glanced at the duo with a suspicious  stare. 
"So tell me, Jackson, how did you two get together?" her mother smiled probably too sweetly.
"It's Nixon, Lewis Nixon. Not Jackson." Y/N frowned being irritated about the way they treated the most important man in her life. "It's not that hard to remember it." she added quietly as she shook her head. 
"Okay, I'll tell the story then." Nixon said glancing at her seeing her angry face.
•••
It didn't happen right away.
It took them quite a while to give in and admit each other's feelings. From the moment they both said "It's a can of peaches, sir." to Sobel, they started falling. Falling so deeply, dearly and completely in love with the other one.
But the breaking point took place in Dick Winters's room, right after the crossroads operation. Y/N was quietly sipping on her drink in the corner hidden in a shadow while Richard was writing the wanted report for Colonel Sink. 
"Just allow yourself a short break, Dick. It doesn't have to be a novel." Y/N rolled her eyes as she poured herself another glass - apparently the last one. She placed the empty bottle back into the footlocker carefully with a cheeky smirk. 
"You sound so much like Nix right now. If you two ever get together, the world will be in such a trouble." Dick chuckled, his eyed still fixated on the paper. 
Y/N just started to open her mouth to respond with some snarky remark but she heard the door open and when Lewis Nixon stepped into the room with an empty bottle in his hand tapping on it, she decided to shut up. 
Now it was Dick's turn to roll his eyes as he stood up and walked over to his footlocker opening it for Lewis to take his hidden Vat '69. 
As soon as Winters sat down, Nixon immediately shouted "what the fuck" out loud with a confused yet angry expression on his face. 
"It's empty!" the Captain exclaimed throwing his hands in the air. "The bottle's fucking empty!"
Silence fell upon the room. Nixon wasn't able to process the information. 
"It's your footlocker but you're a non-drinker. So who the hell could possibly-" Lewis suddenly stopped as a wave of realisation flew over him. He turned slowly to the female Lieutenant who was trying so hard not to burst out laughing.
"You!" Lewis pointed at her taking a few steps towards her.
"I don't regret a single thing." Y/N giggled, her eyes shining and her smile so contagious Nixon simply had to chuckle too. He couldn't stay mad at her for too long.
"God knows you're lucky that I love you so fucking much." 
And this sudden confession, those few words changed Lewis Nixon's and Y/N Y/L/N's life forever.
•••
"That's surely a way how to meet, Y/N. Drink his entire bottle of alcohol." her father frowned.
"With all respect, sir," Nixon interrupted, "I'm very happy she did so." 
Her father stared at the duo clearly not satisfied with his daughter's choice of partner. Her mother rather didn't say anything just glancing from her to him. 
"I know you're not pleased with Lew here and I love you, truly, but your opinion won't change my mind. I love this man next to me more than I love myself or more than I have anyone ever loved in my whole life. He saved me in every way possible a person can be saved. I will marry him so I'm asking you to overcome this problem and come to our wedding. We both be very happy to see you there." Y/N suddenly burst out, finally fed up with her parents' behaviour. 
"I can assure you, Mr and Mrs Y/L/N, that I will take care of your daughter the best I can. I'd rather die than have something happen to her. She completes me." Nixon joined the conversation, being so serious as he unconsciously took Y/N's hand.
"Well," her father cleared his voice, "if you see it like that, you have my permission. But if you hurt her, I'll have your head served, okay?"
Nixon shuddered a little under his glare but forced himself to smile that soon turned into a genuine sincere grin, "Thank you, sir. It means a lot."
And for the first time, her father's face had a pleased expression.
Maybe he was the right person for her after all.
Maybe this is the person his daughter's gonna spend the rest of her life with.
"Welcome to the family, Nixon. Welcome to the family."
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