#I just like analyzing my faves as I said

[candlecove-weaintdeadyet]

I'm sure no one else cares but I need a moment to squee over the fic that turned me into Coveblr's new #1 Heartfelt Simp now that @drheartfeltlover is no longer hanging around (or are they? dun dun DUUUUUUUUUUUN~! I kid, I kid).

Hand in Unloving Hand is, while maybe not the most realistic take on a Heartfelt/Skintaker fic (not that that hurts it in the least!), so fucking sweet and cute I can feel my teeth rotting. I love it.

And the little hc's/details that really make Heartfelt feel like a fully-realized character and part of the setting when he was originally a glorified background character? I'm sticking a straw in them and drinking them like a slushie. His little snarky remarks? Impeccable. The STRONG autism-coding? Ough, he just like me fr. And on top of that he's just a fucking mess of a man, because of course, why would he get to be mentally healthy and truly content? This is fucking Candle Cove!

Rant under the cut because I start talking about disordered eating a lot (seriously it's like 2x the length of the above squeeing) and don't have much clue what I'm going on about. Here goes:

The thing that actually strikes me interesting, and that I really dug into b/c I LOVE psychoanalyzing my blorbos, is the hints at disordered eating and what might've caused it. When I noticed the tw, I was like 'ok...where are we going with this?', and then it smacked me upside the head with THIS:

"Okay, maybe he was worse off than he thought, given he was throwing up with very little seemingly causing it. Still, he felt a little better, despite being aquainted [sic] with the feeling of what he just did."

And my ass was INTRIGUED. Why is he used to this feeling? Is this the ed mention we were warned about? If so, what's going on? And how did he arrive here?

My first guess had been that he was actively in recovery for something like bulimia, given his nonchalant response to having thrown up for pretty much no reason. If he used to habitually purge, that'd make sense, yeah? And it's not like anyone would suspect anything was up, given they live on a boat, which by definition rocks at the slightest change in waves/currents/etc it'd likely be chalked up to an unfortunate combination of big appetite+prone to seasickness.

Chapter 6 builds on this possibility, with him contemplating binging on a meal he's given, and then we find out that he's forcing himself to eat because otherwise he feels guilty? Which made me re-evaluate. It made more sense, then, that what he struggled with was most likely binge-eating disorder-and it still fits with his aside in Chapter 4 (see above quote). He's not used to the feeling of throwing up because he used to have a purging habit, he's used to it because what he's used to is eating so much he feels sick.

And with his clear autism-coding, plus the time period-equivalent he lives in and his people-pleasing tendencies, I figure it likely stems from some kind of shame over not being able to eat certain things due to issues with sensory input, or not being able to finish what he's given. So he forces himself to so people don't think there's something 'wrong' with him or get mad at him for wasting food.

Hey, maybe if the fic gets an update, we'll get an answer. Or maybe not. I don't expect an update, really, I'm sure the author has more important things to do. Unlike me /lh

I dunno, man. I'm just saying words.

[coffeebanana]

Every time I read classic books I feel this pressure to enjoy them, and I just...never do? I can appreciate why they're important or influential for their time, and I appreciate that they exist, but...I just don't enjoy the style? Like they tend to be very repetitive and they have a lot of scenes that frankly...don't do anything to move the story forwards. The kinds of things that today would get the story tossed aside by publishers. And obviously I'm not saying it is bad writing, because again--different time period. Different style. But I wish I could be completely comfortable saying I just don't enjoy those books. For me personally, reading them is often more effort than what I get out of them. And sometimes I will read them anyways because I want to understand references people make to them in other books or media, but at the end of the day they don't bring me joy like modern books or fanfiction do and I think that's okay.

[c0rpsedemon]

insane 2 me that eiyuu senki has a translation b4 fate/stay night does

[snekdood]

I accept that ill probably be alone forever. I just wish it wasnt because people were so manipulated by someones fake narrative abt me.

[https-milo]

Would u mind doing a tamaki amajiki Instagram

my glorious anxious king, yesyesyeysyesy!

DATING TAMAKI AMAJIKI INSTAGRAM!

details!

instagram posts w/ comments while dating Tamaki Amajiki

sunnysidey/n · 15w

1.5k likes Liked by suneater, lemirio, nejirechan

sunnysidey/n me and my fave went to a butterfly garden!! Tamaki my goat (or like octopus, clam, chicken - he's never eaten a goat (I don't think))

Tagged: suneater

suneater it was so fun. it was quiet too. also I've never eaten a goat... sunnysidey/n suneater GAH IKR! It was such a cute little gardennnn ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ I wanted to fall asleep! And I hope you haven't eaten a goat (´∇｀) suneater sunnysidey/n well if you fell asleep, id have to wake you up and you don't usually wake up right away... so we would've been late to fatgum's agency... so I'm glad you stayed away lemirio suneater HMMMMMMM maybeeee its because you liked talking to herrrrrr ★⌒ヽ( ͡° ε ͡°) suneater lemirio well uh you know... sunnysidey/n suneater don't worry, tama!! everyone likes talking to me so obviously!! >3< nejirechan suneater DMSDMSDMSDMS

lemirio Lets gooo!! Tamaki was telling me all about it! He was so excited to take you! sunnysidey/n lemirio I was so excited to go!! Tama is so fun to be around! (´｡✪ω✪｡｀)

INSTAGRAM DIRECT!

lemirio replied to your story: 😏😏😏

sunnysidey/n: he's still gonna deny my attraction 😞😞

nejirechan replied to your story: hmm i wonder who this is about!! (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و

sunnysidey/n: sighhhh we'll never know ✧٩(•́⌄•́๑)و ✧

suneater replied to your story: !!!

suneater: uh who is this about?

suneater: sorry you probably dont want me to know

suneater: I wouldnt want me to know

suneater just forget I said anything

sunnysidey/n: tamaaa what did I say about that (╥_╥)

sunnysidey/n: you can talk to me about anything, and you *dont* need to apologize!! ٩(●ᴗ●)۶

suneater: ok im sorry

sunnysidey/n: -_-

sunnysidey/n: anyways! To answer your question; I think you know who I'm talking about (we're in the same class, after all) you've just gotta admit it to yourself ¯\_(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)_/¯

suneater: ok...

suneater: im not ready for that yet

sunnysidey/n: i know tama! dont worry (っ´▽｀)っ

suneater: (.づ◡﹏◡)づ ⊂(・▽・⊂) sunnysidey/n reacted "❤️" to this message

sunnysidey/n: AHHH ITS LITERALLY US!!

sunnysidey/n · 12w

2.1k likes Liked by lemirio, yuyu.haya, nejirechan, suneater

sunnysidey/n being 18 means we can buy fireworks whenever(▀U ▀-͠) happy random day of school guys!!

Tagged: suneater, yuyu.haya, lemirio, nejirechan

nejirechan the way amajiki is looking at your sparkler in worry ♥(ˆ⌣ˆԅ) sunnysidey/n nejirechan he does have an anxiety disorder, but I can totally be delusional and think he was looking out for me!! ( ˘ ³˘)♥ suneater sunnysidey/n but I was worried... what if it got in your hair? sunnysidey/n suneater UBIUBREIBVLKSDBLIVUHJB sunnysidey/n suneater I mean!! thanks!! <3 lemirio sunnysidey/n he just blushed and put his face in the wall( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

yuyu.haya me you and nejire need to hang out more. it was super fun being with you today nejirechan yuyu.haya OOOO SHOPPING TRIP SOON?? sunnysidey/n nejirechan IM SO DOWN!! TEHEHEH (≧◡≦)

suneater it was so fun. i'm glad you didn't catch on fire sunnysidey/n suneater did you doubt me o(╥﹏╥) suneater sunnysidey/n only a little. you can be forgetful. I was worried you'd forget it was in your hand then scratch your head T_T sunnysidey/n suneater well then I'm glad you were looking out for me <3

suneater · 8w

302 likes Liked by sunnysidey/n, nejirechan, lemirio

suneater y/n just... barged into my room and is making me watch her favorite movies while she pauses every few seconds to analyze the scene (this is our third movie)

sunnysidey/n YOU?? POSTED?? ME?? OH MY GOSH. YOUR FIRST POST IN TWO YEARS AND ITS ME??? suneater sunnysidey/n well, you're the one who's hanging out with me right now. I thought this was worth posting. sorry if thats weird. I'll go home. sunnysidey/n suneater NO SHHHHH ofc its okay!! Im overjoyed rn!! and you cant go home, i'm in your home =^ v ^=

sunnysidey/n no one else listens to me yap like you. mirio always has his own opinions he wants to say, and Nejire changes the subject SOOOO fast. You just listen (＾ω＾)人(＾ω＾) suneater sunnysidey/n i'm glad you like talking to me lemirio sunnysidey/n thats cute and all, but why are we catching strays -_- sunnysidey/n lemirio IM SORRY I DIDNT MEAN TO LIKE INSULT YOU TWO, I WAS JUST SAYING!! I LOVE YOU BOTH VERY VERY VERY MUCH, YOU AND NEJIRE ARE VERY MUCH MY BEST FRIENDS TOO!

INSTAGRAM DIRECT!

You replied to suneater's story: ≧⁰,⁰≦

sunnysidey/n: are you ready?

suneater: i think so...

suneater: im nervous, like more nervous than usual

sunnysidey/n: oh its okay!! i'm super nervous too

sunnysidey/n: we can be nervous together

suneater: okay... can you go first?

sunnysidey/n: ofc

sunnysidey/n: I've liked you since our first year. you just came into my life so naturally I couldn't help it. At first I wanted to tell you right away, but I knew you'd panic and I didn't want to upset you in any way. So I waited and waited until it felt like it was going away, but I guess it never did. I reallyyyyyy like you, Tama.

sunnysidey/n: but are you ready to like me?

suneater: um I've liked you since the autumn semester of our second year... the day you stayed behind with me while everyone went and watched a horror movie because I was too scared. Even though it was a rerun of your favorite... I was so scared to ruin what we had so I didn't say anything.

suneater: this is so embarrassing...

sunnysidey/n: nothing to be embarrassed of ✧٩(•́⌄•́๑)و ✧

suneater: you knew I liked you, but you never outright said it... why?

sunnysidey/n: i didn't wanna make you anxious :]

sunnysidey/n: i wanted you to be ready and not have a forced hand in admitting your feelings for me. buttt i couldn't stop myself from posting and admiring you ( ˘ ³˘)♥

suneater: you're effortlessly make me happy without even knowing it... you're so special to me, n/n sunnysidey/n reacted "❤️" to this message

suneater: will you be my girlfriend?

sunnysidey/n: obviously!! <33

suneater: <3

© https-milo. please do not repost, steal, copy, or modify my works!

incase I lost the plot: Y/n liked Tamaki first, Y/n knew Tamaki liked her back but didn't say anything, Tamaki knew Y/n liked him but was nervous so he didn't say anything.

alsooo y/n's quirk in this is smth to do with eggs i guess, hence the "sunny side" (cause yk a sunny side up egg) ((im so creative))

[confirmeddead]

Lover, Will You Look At Me Now?: An Armand & Daniel Theory

Armand and Daniel were in a relationship in the book The Queen of the Damned and have been a fan favorite for decades. Many fans were excited to see how the show would adapt this companionship.

Armand makes several appearances throughout season 1 in disguise as the servant Rashid. He reveals his true identity in the season 1 finale.

A lot has been said on how the show will approach their companionship. It’s definitely up in the air with so many things having been changed regarding the two already!

Have we seen anything that has definitively hinted at them forming a companionship? I could talk about faulty memories, a possible purple shirt, or vermouth in Daniel’s cocktails; but is any of that concrete proof?

Let’s look at the unsaid- literally. The looks and stares between Armand and Daniel.

Throughout season 1, Daniel’s attention is consistently on Louis’s servant Rashid (Armand in disguise). We see the camera (Daniel’s eye) follow him constantly. Daniel is an investigative journalist but he’s taken a keen interest into the person serving his drinks.

Daniel does a lot of looking at Rashid. We know it’s his job to investigate, so it makes sense he analyzes everything and everyone. But often times he’s distracted by Rashid’s presence, even prior to having the San Francisco dream. Daniel looks at Armand so much throughout the show, but has anyone noticed how intimate some of these moments are?

Thank you to @mirrorhouse for the Magnolia screencap!

Rashid prayer, which is interrupted by Daniel.

Louis feeding on Rashid in front of Daniel. Staring at one another (and the act itself) is very… personal? Uncomfortable?

Look at the framing of the scene by the magnolia tree. It’s intimate, beautiful, and dare I say romantic!

Most times they’re alone, it feels like the viewer is almost intruding on something (or like Daniel is). Should he be talking to Rashid while he prays? Should he stare at him being fed on? Dare they speak alone while Louis is resting?

I realize they have to look at each other during an interview, but we can see these looks are there for a reason. I think they’re trying to tell us something.

It’s easy for us to look at these things, point, and say FLIRTING! But shipping stuff aside, real people in my life (who don’t read the books or follow socials) who have seen the show have talked to me about the flirting they’re seemingly doing.

Okay, let’s see what Eric Bogosian says regarding the looks:

“I’m looking at him. I’m trying to figure something out and they can show us that and they do show us that. And we do a lot of looking at each other. Like, I do a lot of listening to Jacob, but we do a lot of looking- checking out each other as this relationship continues to go through quite a lot of changes in the next-in all the episodes.”

(Source) 2:00 mark

Wait… checking out? Like checking someone out? What an interesting choice of words.

This is where my theory comes into play.

We all know Eric’s tendency to spoil things about the show, right?

I think that term, which is mostly exclusive to someone interested sexually/romantically, was in the script!

Making a note here to say only the Pilot and the season 2 finale scripts have been released.

Remember the photos I included of the constant moments of Daniel and Armand exchanging looks and eyes tracking each other?

What’s the likelihood it was written in the script (or at the very least directed by the episode directors and Rolin)?

Wait- there’s a quote on that as well!

(Source)

So it was happening in both seasons.

We’ve got our scene moments and the quotes from Eric and Assad. Was “checking out” literally Rolin’s or the scripts words? Was that what he was telling them even back in season 1?

Spoiler Eric strikes again.

I’ll end this off by saying this is all just for fun! We’re all having to wait through this hiatus together so I figured I’d keep up the discussions on my faves. In no way do I think this theory should or is correct- I’m just yapping and love discussing these characters! I’m totally OK being wrong 😅 but it’s all in good fun.

And my asks are open!

Sources otherwise not mentioned:

Title from “I Walked” by Sufjan Stevens

Screencaps take from here (x)

[not-rigel]

heyyy, what's your top 5 fave things about junker queen and sevika? i'm curiousss🥰💕

YES YES YES YES YES YES

Let's start with Junker Queen!!

I love this face she makes^^^. she is literally 7 feet tall and she is making the cutest face in the whole wide world.

Her gap tooth🥺🥺🥺 whenever I see it its all I can think about for a while.

HER ABS. ok so one of her skins her abs are GLISTENING. Just look at that

4. Honestly, her butt. I've literally emoted just to watch her ass physics. (Rock on! for those wondering)

5. Her sense of humor. A few in game voicelines of hers:

Now for Sevika!!

Her voiceeeee. Its actually what attracted me to her. She said "From your friend. Downtown." and i melted. But really when she says "Silco isn't taking guests" I feel a rush. Her voice just warms me.

Her mismatched boots. The mental image of her just finding two different shoes in her size is so damn funny. And they're even capped with different metals 🥺🥺

3. Her nose! I think this should be a popular opinion but GIVE US MORE WOMEN WITH BIG NOSES. Sevika's nose is so damn beautiful. As an artist, its one of my favorite nose shapes to draw, another being hooked noses.

4. Her emotional intelligence. This is mostly in regards to the advice she gives to Silco about Jinx but I think it applies to a great deal of her interactions. It takes emotional intelligence to pinpoint your opponents vulnerabilities and successfully use them to psychologically attack them as well. Take the fight with Vi for example, Sevika is down on the ground and held by the throat. All she knows is Vi is back after years of being presumed dead and the only words Vi says is "Where's my sister? Where is he keeping her?" And Sevika CORRECTLY clocks Vi's hatred for Silco and her desperation to find Powder (to the point of tracking Sevika and running into a fight without thinking). And Sevika has the knowledge from Act I that Vi fights for her family. Sevika is aware of what Vi lost in the accident. So with her previous knowledge and TWO SENTENCES from Vi, Sevika says "She's like a daughter to him." The meaning in a singular sentence there is just impressive. (Not me accidently analyzing a scene because Sevika is just that awesome i love her sm)

5. Her bicep. I really can't say much other than zooweemama.

[borzoilover69]

do you have any posts that kinda expand on jake as a character? i want to like him in theory, but i just dont Get him, you know? its kinda like that with me for all the alphas but its the most for jake.

Oh my gosh yes!! Yes i do!! Heres some i recommend rather than me typing at length points more articulately said before or by someone else. Please please PLEAAASE message me again after you’ve read some of these and tell me if your opinions changed and what you think you get abt him!!

Jake English writing guide - expansion on his mannerisms. : a rhetoric of shit hes said that made me side eye him.

Jake english: a fandom analysis : long discussion i had with two friends abt jake

Facade, dirk and jake: small but to the point

Jake english is a jackass, not an infant.

Why tony artreactor likes jake

Harlenglishes: “when you fuck up its ok! if i fuck up its the worst thing in the entire world.”

Not required but recommended:

His ass was not being serious with these comments man. : the caliborn jake convo is my fave out of these.

Alpha kids and why i like them : personal opinion alert

Other than that i asked my friend @tipsygnostalgy their opinion on jake and they gave these wise words (roughly paraphrased)

“for me jakes appeal is fundamentally about whether humanity can overcome their own insecurities in terms of engagement with others and grow to accept true love in this essay ill be pushing him into the neongenesisangelion shinji ikari role and analyzing him thr—

Kidding, but listen. The first sentence is the crux of it. He constructs personas (believing in himself but the facade version of it) and relies on hope ketamine (believing in others) because its easier to do than to confronting the reality that he doesnt know who he is or whether he likes that person at all. This doesnt mean he lacks a self; he cant fully break but he cant fully give either. he exists in this weird limbo state where he chooses neither to be completely passive (actually letting someone walk all over him) nor completely active (refusing it outright) demonstrated best by the way in which he "breaks up" with dirk i.e. he doesnt.

He doesnt like the status quo but also doesnt believe in himself to fix it proper and i think that signifies how a lot of people make decisions when youre in this weird passive middle area. the world fucking sucks but what can you do about it, youre just one guy. No business knowing how to do that. On the other hand the way he plays people should be studied.

the jane crocker patented question of "Does he know?" is what he asks himself every night and its so utterly interesting that hes not sure of the answer”

[stabbyfoxandrew]

Hi Aerie!

Could I request my weekly arsonist Neil/firefighter Andrew? I'm so excited for the meet-up hehe : )

I hope you have a good day too!

PS: my treat today was the first tangerines of the season (my fave winter fruit)

WIP Wednesday (11/13) | Arsonist Neil / Firefighter Andrew AU (Part 261)

"I got here ten minutes ago," Neil admits, then nods to the back seat. "Threw my keys back there just in case."

"In case of what?"

"You know," Neil exhales. He can't look directly at Andrew. He's too close and he's wearing the sweater Neil likes. It's too much. "In case I got the urge to run."

"You didn't." Andrew says. "If you'd gotten the urge you wouldn't be here."

"Yeah." Neil blinks and looks down at Andrew's lap, where he's holding something wrapped with newspaper. "That for me?"

"See for yourself," Andrew says, passing it over. Neil takes it, his cold fingers brushing Andrew's warm ones, and sets it in his own lap. He's about to rip into it when he notices a peculiar headline mentioning him and his third favorite past time. He stares at it for a moment too long because Andrew sighs, "Are you waiting for a formal invitation?"

"As a matter of fact, I was."

Andrew's lips twitch. "You are cordially invited to open your gift."

With that, Neil slips a fingernail under a piece of tape and pulls the paper away to find a picture frame. It's upside down, with -Andrew written on it with black marker. He gives Andrew a look, surely he doesn't know how much Neil liked that photo— surely he doesn't know Neil made it the background of his new phone— but the firefighter just flicks his fingers at the frame. 

"That would be the back, 10." Andrew says. It's jarring for him to say a number when they're a foot apart but when Neil turns it over, his mouth falls open.

It's a signed photo of Kevin Day. Neil's eyes go wide and he brings it closer to his face to analyze the image. It's printed professionally, a picture of Kevin in mid-swing. After analyzing the colors of his opponents' uniforms, Neil looks back up at Andrew.

"Is this the winning shot he made during that game against—"

"Yes."

"Wow..." Neil runs his finger over the signature. He has a print-out of it in his binder, but this is obviously the real thing. "You really know Kevin."

"Unfortunately." Andrew says, unimpressed by the extraordinary. He clicks his tongue. "Kevin said to tell you 'Happy Christmas', by the way."

"Really?" Neil's eyes must be huge, but he can't help it. He stares at the photo for a few seconds, then turns to Andrew. "Thank you, this is amazing. Really. I think this is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me."

[aihoshiino]

chapter 151 thoughts

Chapters Since The 143 Kiss Happened And Went Entirely Unacknowledged And Unaddressed Count: 8

Aqua Hoshigan Status: Black

Kana enjoyers continue to eat good in this new arc, as 151 very clearly parallels what's considered one of the more iconic AquKana chapters from the first half of the manga with a bit of role reversal in the mix. 'Reversal' is sort of the keyword for this chapter for a handful of reasons but we'll get into that when it's relevant.

the usual shout out to mengo for Peak Faces this chapter. my faves were kana's blushy face as she takes off her glasses and aqua covering his blush with his baseball glove… it does NOT get cuter than that.

It's pretty cathartic to see Kana get a similar TV spotlight to BH!Ruby, where she's centered in B-Komachi's success and Ruby is sort of just in the background lol. That said… kinda of hate that OnK is continuing to frame the ShimaD shit!!! I have a lot of complicated feelings about it but I will say that overall, it's pretty fucked that the story made all those correct assertions about sexual harassment in the entertainment industry and how women and young girls specifically are pressured to kowtow to men to retain their place in the industry and then like… not? link any of this?? to what happened to Kana??? Weird and bad!!!!

on the plus side. megarima and maskua <3

It feels like a good step for Kana to confidently assert that they are, in fact, on a date and their shared visible embarrassment is pretty cute. This is what I meant when I said this chapter was a bit of a reversal of chapter 30, which Aqua even calls explicit attention to - running from school to play catch vs running to school. It works well, imo, as a sort of marker of both change and consistency for both of these characters, showing us how far they've come… but at the same time, how much has managed to stay the same. This return to the early AQKN dynamic is really nice… their moment to moment rapport is the one I enjoy most in the series so even though it's definitely jarring to whiplash back to it after the Movie Arc… idk!! I am still enjoying it all the same.

aqua calling her out on it being a baseball date was really funny btw

And their talk about dreams is… Very Shrimptresting. I keep waffling back and forth on what to take from it, because hypothetically I think it's really interesting but whether or not I really end up liking it is going to depend on how things are handled with Aqua going forward…! IDK, this is the obvious pitfall of analyzing the story like this week to week,

I guess all I'll say now is that this falls in line with how I was reading last chapter's framing of Gorou -> Aqua, where Aqua's inheritance of that identity is just that - an inheritance and it's up to him what he chooses to do with that legacy. He can decide for himself what parts of it he wants to take with him into the future and what he chooses to leave behind.

That said: this is still black hoshigan Aqua. Is this just a 'dream' because it's something he wants but doesn't think he'll be able to have? Or is Aqua starting to seriously consider a future for himself past the end of his revenge quest? It was Kana who prompted him for an answer, after all, and he's already had to make a promise to her that he won't 'disappear'. Is he just lying here to put her at ease? Much to consider…….

Kana's side of this conversation is also really interesting. Kana is a person who acts out of genuine love for her craft, yes, but she's also correct that she kind of already got her assumed end goal of 'be a nationally famous actress' when she was a kid and it didn't necessarily make her happy or fulfilled. To a degree, she's been operating on momentum and desperation to cling to the industry so much of her identity was formed around. But if a 'dream' is something she just wants for herself, without her career coming into it… then what does Kana really want?

And the answer, obviously, is Aqua. With another 'oshi no ko' title drop, to boot…!

It's a little sad that even as Kana makes this tentative confession to him, she still downplays herself in favour of Memcho and Ruby but the emotional stakes she's putting on the table are very loaded. This essentially, without either girl knowing it, puts her in direct competition with Ruby who very much seems to still want to milk her sensei's Little Aqua and I don't imagine that conflict is going to go off without fireworks.

Interestingly, though, this isn't the only point on which the two are opposed here: this is what I mean when I said this chapter's keyword was 'reversal'. While Ruby insists that 'Sensei' is her oshi, Kana offers to be Aqua's oshi. This isn't the first time it's happened, either - when Kana talks about her feelings last chapter, she describes them as 本気の恋 (honki no koi), i.e, seriously, earnestly, truly in love whereas Ruby's confession uses the term ガチ恋 (gachikoi), a slang term referring to a fan who considers themselves to be legitimately in romantic love with a celebrity/idol/etc - and specifically says she's gachikoi for Sensei. Gachikoi is also how the first generation of B-Komachi are described in both Viewpoint B and 45510 in the original Japanese text. On just about all fronts, these two are bound to clash going into the final arc of the story and I'm tentatively interested to see where it goes.

No break next week!

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Hey Raven! Hope you're doing well, and I hope you had a great holiday, if you celebrate, that is.

I hate to clutter your ask box with something like this, and you don’t have to answer, you can just read this with an open mind, but I feel you're the only one I could go to with this without being straight-up attacked. It's also why I'm asking anonymously.

But, what's your stance on the whole war between the JP and EN versions of the game? I'm not asking you to pick a side or anything, I just wanna know your thoughts.

Obviously, I'm an EN player, and idk if you seen, but there's some hateful things out there about us, and honestly, it's hurtful and disheartening to every time I get up here. And it's always on this we as players can't control. Mainly the dialog translations and it's changes.

I've seen people calling us dumb and weak, saying we water down everything because we can't take it, etc. I've seen people saying we don't know how to really correctly and analyze characters and that we're not even playing the same game. They say we've ruined the game, the fandom, and that they wished it was never localized. I've also seen quite horrible things, but I don’t wanna repeat the things said, but yeah.

And the kicker is, it's only the JP side I've seen post this stuff. I've seen more hate come from that side more than anything, and of course not all, like you. You're my fave btw.

So yeah, thoughts?

Hello, hello! ^^ I’m not really a super big celebration person but I’m hunkering down for a cozy hibernation this winter ❄️ I hope everyone had/will have a good 2023 holiday season~

Before I provide my response to the question posed in this ask, I want to make sure we're all on the same page for this discussion first:

Please be advised that my perspective is coming from that of someone who started off playing JP in March 2020 and then picked up EN when it came out in January 2022. I have played on both servers since their initial launches.

When I refer to TWST JP and EN fans in this post, I am only referring to the English speaking fans (as in, English speaking fans who play JP and English speaking fans who play EN).

For the sake of simplicity, I will be disregarding “hybrid” fans (English speaking fans who play both JP and EN) as a separate category and will lump them in with “JP” fans (English speaking fans who play JP). This is because I assume most mixed fans started off with JP and then adopted EN later on.

I am not talking about ALL English-speaking JP and/or EN fans here; I am only talking about the ones Anon described in their ask.

As the Anon said, I ask that you go into this post with an open mind; do not assume that I will bash JP and/or EN, take sides, defend or condone toxic attitudes, or that this post exists just to “stir the pot”. That is not the purpose of my response. The purpose is to have a meaningful and constructive discussion about TWST’s fandom culture, particularly as it pertains to English-speaking fans. I hope that in talking about this, we can better understand “the other side” (however you may personally define that) and work toward making the fandom space more welcoming for all.

Please read the entire post and think about your own choice of words before commenting and/or sending in an ask about this topic, should you choose to.

To the Anon that submitted this ask and to anyone else that plays EN and may have had similar thoughts: I’m sorry to hear about the negative experiences you’ve had in the TWST fandom. I hope that this post brings you some peace of mind, if not at least some catharsis for what you may be feeling.

Firstly, it’s important to understand the mindset of both JP and EN fans. As such, I will delve into the background and the development of each side. It is NOT meant to justify either side, but rather to inform you on how each perspective originated and grew to what it is today.

The animosity and opposition to an official English version of TWST has been present for a while. An English version of TWST has always been contentious, even long before the localization was announced. Some wanted it to happen for accessibility reasons (as some people find it tedious to hunt for translations) or were supportive of the idea because it means a larger fanbase and thus more potential to make friends or to discuss the game. Others were more apprehensive of the quality of a localization (as much tends to be cut or censored to make the content more palatable) and/or claimed that expanding the fanbase in such a way would bring in more “bad apples”.

When EN first came out, it did, in fact, expand the fanbase. However, many were quick to notice the many (and I do mean many) errors and short sightings present in it: frequent spelling and grammar mistakes in the game and on official social media posts, inconsistent phrasing, incorrect translations, game-breaking glitches, frequent censorship, half-hearted promotions, etc. EN also became infamous for its absolutely brutal pacing of content in the early days, particularly related to the limited story event schedules (including back-to-back Halloween events). This, in combination with EN’s constant pushing of paid gems (which occurs far more frequently than in the JP server) has left a bad taste in JP fans’ mouths. To them, TWST EN did not make a good first impression and continued to misstep again and again. This is especially true of the many dialogue changes to make the TWST localization more “culturally appropriate” (which is the definition of what a localization is; there is a reason why TWST is not called a translation, which would be a more accurate/“faithful” or direct translation of the dialogue).

The claim that “EN fans are weak/can’t handle the real story” likely arises from how EN has removed or altered details which may offend western audiences. This includes things like the term “master”, the mention of Azul’s weight, Kalim’s “30-40” siblings, etc. These are conscious decisions made on the part of the game localizers to make TWST more broadly appealing and appropriate for a western audience, where such topics are contentious or considered taboo. This is adapting TWST to a new culture so that it can (in a dry business sense) perform well. However, I also want to mention that some cultural changes EN made do significantly alter the story/characters (such as Jamil no longer stating his family will be on the streets if they defy the Asims; in EN he only says his parents will be mad at him), particularly if you are viewing through an EN-only lens. Unfortunately 😔 as much as I can point the nuances of localization out, there will always be fans who still oppose any sort of censorship. This is also true of the anime and manga community in general, and this post isn’t large enough in scope to tackle those issues. I only mention this here to help you, the reader, better understand the changes from Disney/Aniplex.

A lot of the original negative feelings that were there before EN was announced were then confirmed by the official release, and this strengthened the dislike of EN on the part of JP fans. These JP fans may then become hostile toward EN fans who defend the localization (whether or not they have the context of TWST JP) because, in the eyes of the JP fans, the localization is not as good as it could be. Ultimately, it seems like their intense feelings stem from passion for what they love and not wishing to see it “desecrated” rather than an actual hatred of fellow fans. JP fans are upset because they fear EN fans are not getting the full scope of the characters and a story they enjoy, and they want others to appreciate those aspects of TWST as well.

Of course 💦 the fact is that EN fans are not responsible for the localization. But EN is there and that is what is the easiest and the most time efficient for English-speaking audiences, so most people will go with that rather than alternatives (ie hunting down fan translations). The issue is that some JP fans conflate simply consuming the localization as being bad or the “wrong” thing to do, and thus, by proxy, extend this frustration to EN fans themselves (especially those those are EN only and have zero prior knowledge of JP) and not just the product. Again, this is because they tend to see JP as the “full” version, without the changes or censorship present in EN. This inevitably leads to discrepancies in understanding between JP and EN, whether due to staggered release of new content or how the characters are presented differently between the two servers. To those who say “the versions are basically the same except for minor changes”, I disagree. There are several dialogue changes that appear small in isolation, but because TWST’s narrative is told primarily via dialogue, those “small” changes are actually very large and can drastically modify how one perceives a character or situation without explicit knowledge of JP to balance it out. When Jamil is made an “employee” rather than a “servant” and worries about his parents being mad at him instead of his entire family literally being on the streets for defying the Asims, it takes away the bite from his motivations. When Cater inserts a #WOW that wasn’t there in JP while Riddle is breaking down sobbing, or makes him come off as far more insensitive than emotionally aware. These are just a few examples, but they are very prominent ones that can change how an EN only fan sees things. The idea that “we aren’t even playing the same game” can ring true to some JP players because of this.

It cannot be helped that EN fans would interpret the characters and stories differently when the localization is their only or primary source of TWST content. Not everyone has the time or the desire to look for more accurate fan translations (not all fan translations are the same quality), as some JP fans have suggested. If EN fans want to, that’s great! It’s nice to expand one’s knowledge and to be cognizant of the changes between the versions. There are many blogs out there dedicated to educating people on these matters, and many EN and JP fans alike flocking there to be informed. But that level of engagement shouldn’t be demanded of anyone. To deem those that don’t engage in “further research” as “lazy”, “dumb”, or a “fake fan” is not acceptable, not in the name of love or otherwise. The expectation to “do homework” only puts pressure on EN fans to be a certain way or else be rejected by the fandom, and that only breeds more hatred and negativity. It makes EN fans feel “not worthy” of being a fan unless they study up, when the truth of the matter is that no matter how much we like TWST, it’s… media at the end of the day. People are free to consume their choice of media however they like, and that includes casually or at their own pace. It’s not fun to be in a fandom where others are breathing down your neck and policing everything you do, especially since these spaces are meant to be a temporary escape from reality. If JP fans meant to gatekeep in an effort to make others recognize the “real” greatness of TWST, then it’s failing because this kind of attitude only serves to drive new fans away.

Among EN fans, there is this idea that “JP fans are stuck-up”. I can understand where this thinking comes from, as I have witnessed hatred for EN myself which comes unprompted and has killed many conversations. Admittedly, some points are geared toward the company themselves (and those are valid), such as rushed and/or inaccurate translations or the pushing of paid gems, but I’ve also seen my fair share of nastier, invalid comments directed at EN fans. There are JP fans who actively hope that EN will shut down or who outright dismiss EN fans because of the version they play, thinking of their thoughts and opinions as “lesser” or doubting their media literacy skills. It’s true that this behavior is out there in the fandom, and that is unfortunately a sad reality.

That being said, JP on EN hate is not the only form I see, and nor is it the majority. It goes both ways (and I would say about equally for all, although this is just based on anecdotes and not objective data). There is plenty of JP on JP hate (particularly when someone spreads mistranslations around as though it were the truth) and EN on EN hate (arguments over what is and is not appropriate to ship, differences in headcanons, harassing fans that fall outside an “acceptable” age range, etc). There is also EN on JP hate which feeds into a dangerous back-and-forth with JP on EN hate. I briefly mentioned before that EN fans tend to believe JP fans are elitist, and this leads to assumptions being made about anyone that critiques EN and sometimes lashing out about it. I myself have previously been accused of “hating” EN because I often make posts commenting on the changes made between EN and JP (which ones I think work and which I think don’t). This preemptively defensive behavior drives another wedge between JP and EN fans, making JP fans reluctant to engage with EN fans, which then fuels the belief that JP fans think they’re “better” than EN fans (when really, some JP fans may be intentionally distancing themselves for their own wellbeing). Additionally, a lot of behavior deemed more acceptable in western oriented fandom spaces (such as moral justifications, taking pictures without crediting, callouts of other fans, and incorrect use of fandom tags) are not so for JP spaces (or those familiar with JP spaces). There have also been times when EN fans harass the actual Japanese-speaking side of the fandom (be it Japanese fans or the devs themselves) and demand (not ask, but demand) content that caters to them or free translations of fan comics they make. When EN fans fail to observe such “basic fandom etiquette”, it leads to JP fans thinking them rude or entitled, which makes JP fans reluctant to interact with EN fans and, again, feeds into confirmation bias. It’s a viscous system.

What is “ruining” the fandom is not just one side. There has always been turmoil present in fandom spaces. It just appears more visible now that TWST’s popularity has grown to this scale. Right now, both sides (JP and EN) are antagonizing each other because of a loud minority that’s attacking the other side. That minority then gets extrapolated and assumed to be behavior of the entirety of the other side, and that is what keeps the hate going.

If I’m being entirely honest 😔 I don’t think these tensions will realistically ever die out; the fandom is too large to “stomp out” what has already been established in its culture. When both sides are fueled by something so strong—a passion for TWST—it’s hard to seek out and/or to consider alternative perspectives. We become fixated on their own negative experiences and fail to think about where the “others” maybe be coming from, and then close ourselves off from discussion. That promotes isolation and contempt rather than friendliness and cooperation.

If we want change, then it starts at an individual level and in smaller TWST communities. We shouldn’t assume the worst of “JP” or “EN” fans; we are all TWST fans. Let’s keep open-minded and welcome other fans and their diverse schools of thought. And if you don’t feel comfortable with that, that’s also fine! You’re allow to keep a distance and curate your online space as you like; just please don’t go out of your way to disparage others, you have your own lane and others have theirs. Don’t encroach on other lanes.

Maybe we don’t necessarily agree with each other or we think may hold different opinions—but that’s good, isn’t it? The freedom of thought and the open exchange of ideas promotes flexible thinking and can lead you to see things from a new angle, or perhaps develop a new idea of your own. If we all thought the same way, then life becomes boring or it can cultivate an “us versus them” narrative that sparks online wars.

Let me put it this way to close off the post: isn’t this the message that Twisted Wonderland itself is trying to teach us? The true value of attending Night Raven College isn’t just about receiving a good education. Countless times it has been stressed to us (and often by Lilia, the oldest and wisest of the core cast, someone who used to be resistant to opening up to outsiders) that it is vital to understand other people in spite of how different we may be. Let’s take a page out of the students’ book and try to live up to that ^^

[maxphilippa]

people not getting nickel at all is so funny to me.

dude. what part of "he was acting out of fear because he didn't want to get manipulated by balloon since he did have story with him back then in s1, and wanted to protect his friends/alliance, and EVEN IF HE MESSED UP A LOT WITH SUITCASE AND BALLOON, it wasn't out of malice, but out of misguided fear and lack of proper communication that turned into something worse due to Nickel's nature." you don't get. it's not about forgetting what he did or treating him as likeable or anything. he very much didn't forgive himself over what happened and let BALLOON HIMSELF KNOW that he DIDN'T have to forgive him. he is OKAY with accepting his faults and with balloon not wanting to be part of that change because HE RECOGNIZES THAT HE WAS AN ASSHOLE TO SUITCASE AND TO HIM. CLOVER'S THERAPY SESSION DID SOMETHING TO HIM. HE'S TAKING ACCOUNTABILITY FOR HIS ACTIONS.

of course i can totally get not liking him on s2, he wasn't really one of my faves but hey! he grew and recognized that what he did was wrong! adam himself said that he did care about suitcase and bb, but his lack of EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE doomed their alliance. nickel isn't justifying himself with "oh but i was scared of balloon", he is accepting that his fear towards him changed into something else that he couldn't control.

also btw have you considered that they didn't know what to do with nickel on s2. if you deeply analyze him it makes sense as to why he changed so much on s3. "ohhhhh but he was a dick to Suitcase since the start" again. have you considered that nickel's writing has changed a lot over time. he's pure snark there but even then still cared mid-late s2. i could do a whole separate post analyzing his relationship with Suitcase from both of their perspectives but that's not the point. if that was the point of his thing with suitcase it wouldn't made sense for nickel to say "i just wanted to keep what we had".

AS WELL I WANT TO NOTE SOMETHING. His relationship with Balloon getting better WASN'T out of nowhere. On the comics, Balloon sent Nickel a letter when he wanted to fix things with others, and maybe that was also a factor that played for Nickel too. Remember that Nickel is a guy that acts first and thinks later. As well, Balloon references that Nickel and him used to trick Yinyang back at the Hotel. Nickel changed a lot in s3 and didn't have Baseball who was excusing his unhealthy behaviour either. Box helped these two to grow for the better.

tl;dr: nickel has one of those arcs that i need to study like a bug and everyone still treating him like a villain despite wanting to grow and understanding that his actions were terribly wrong is so funny to me. also balloon very much did end up liking the guy genuinely when they were friends as well. people can grow and change. people who had terrible relationships can heal and can get better.

[alyheartsjess]

ok so since people didn’t cut my head off for my unpopular opinions i’m gonna expand on the second one. so for people in the gilmore girls fandom it’s pretty much the general opinion that luke is a saint for taking jess in and that jess screwed things up and that it’s his fault luke kicked him out. ”he got himself kicked out”. even people who like jess seem to think this is fair. so as someone who watches gilmore girls mostly for jess i have a different perspective that i’ve never actually vocalized but i figured maybe this little corner of the internet wouldn’t hate me for this, as long as it doesn’t make it out of here.

so i also first of all think that the fact that jess has to work at luke’s and graduate in order to stay there is a bit sad. like everyone around him his age has somewhere they can stay without conditions, and people wonder why he’s the only one worried about making money. and yes, it’s a fine idea in theory, he has to change his ways if he wants to stay with luke bc that’s the point of him being there, sure, but luke could stand to NOT always bring it up to jess during fights that can’t stay with him if he violates the conditions.

bc the thing is that luke very clearly makes it known that he doesn’t want jess there and that the whole situation is kind of a pain in his ass that he’s doing out of obligation. a minor is entitled to a place to stay where they can be an asshole unconditionally, actually, and they shouldn’t have to be constantly grateful to have that. and if luke didn’t want to fully commit and be that place, he should have said no to taking jess in. you don’t get to get all the praise for doing a good deed and then get all pissy about actually following through with it.

like i know luke and jess aren’t the main characters and that their scenes and dynamic are for comedy. but then they play off jess leaving as serious so i should be allowed to analyze their scenes seriously. and my conclusion is… luke is not that nice to jess LOL. like i can’t think of a single scene where he responds to him in any other manner than pissed off or annoyed. he never stops treating him like a bad kid. we know luke cares about jess but does jess have any reason to believe that? or does he think this is all for liz? like i know their scenes are jokes but for someone who complains so much about what a difficult person jess is to connect with, i think luke missed a lot of moments to do it.

luke taking jess in in general is nice, YES, but i’m not talking about just good intentions here. and i know that it was a very good intention but i, again, just super dislike the whole ”you wouldn’t have anywhere to stay if it wasn’t for me, so watch it”-attitude. even in season 4 luke basically said that jess had to come to liz’ wedding because he was there for him when no one else was. and i think that’s a shitty thing to say to someone who deserved more. i know luke didn’t have to do it bc he’s not his parent and that’s why people forgive him and not liz, who is his parent and did have to do it. but i think luke agreed to be jess’ parent and if he didn’t want to, he could have said no to his sister for once in his life. anyways, i think i’ve made my point.

also, i love you luke, my world just revolves around your nephew. i know i’m putting a lot of unrealistic expectations on a guy who’s pretty emotionally constipated. and he did come through with the big things, like giving jess money in sesson 4. but i’m talking about the little things that could have made even more of a difference. just don’t get it twisted ok, luke and jess’ relationship is my fave on the show, i may like it even more than rory and jess’, but when i enjoy something i analyze it. so don’t think i don’t love them, because i do! i just want to squash the idea that luke did everything he could but that jess ultimately was too difficult, because i disagree with that.

[catpriciousmarjara]

Tell me: Is He Gay or In a Sherwani?

Imposition of western norms in fandom analysis of Asian characters

With the rising popularity of Indian cinema sparked by the recent success of RRR on international platforms as well as the easy availability of multiple streaming services, in addition to the appearance of South Asian characters in prominent roles in western, particularly US media, I've begun to see some concerning 'analysis' posts online. So I thought I'd address something I found common in most of these takes.

Guys, characterizing your blorbos as queer is great and all, love it, but you're making a fundamental mistake by making their clothing choices the foundation for your queer headcanons, especially when it comes to male characters. Do not apply existing western cultural ideas regarding male clothing onto South Asian characters and their dressing please.

The vast majority of the clothes being used by people in various online spaces as 'evidence' of a character being queer(gay or bi mostly) are just normal Indian clothing for men, like daily wear. A top being pink or a character's wardrobe being mostly pastel means absolutely nothing...cos Indian clothing tends to be colourful in general and the tendency to ascribe colours masculine and feminine qualities is considerably less in the subcontinent. I'm not saying it doesn't exist, but generally not a concern.

There's also this pervasive idea that colourful clothing = flamboyance = queer and that itself is something many people have already pointed as a deeply flawed way of thinking and a stereotype. Furthermore, even if you do lean into the archetype of queer men being flamboyant, subscribing to the 'stereotypes exist for a reason don't they?' school of thought perhaps, there's also the fact that ideas of what is considered flamboyant change dramatically across different cultures. What is 'flamboyant' for someone might just be normal for others. Like maybe pink or purple or yellow might be considered too much, unmanly, emasculating etc in the US or something but they're just perfectly normal colours for men to wear in many, many cultures.

It's the 'Is he Gay or European?' principle. Did you characterize this Indian character (or any South Asian character really) as queer because of their canonical behaviour and portrayal, or did you just see their clothing and decide they're queer because being well groomed and having a colourful wardrobe is a character trait you exclusively ascribe to being queer?

Like guys, I like Chaipunk like the rest of you, but if you consider Pavitr queer just because his costume is a lot fancier than the others' (An actual take I've seen multiple times) without taking into account his cultural background....¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Let me make this clear, I don't think people need a ten page analysis to imagine their fave as queer. Headcanoning a character as queer can have any reason ranging from 'I said so and so it is' to 'this is my light character analysis that makes a masters thesis look shabby' and they're all valid and an integral part of the fandom experience. What I am annoyed at are these so-called 'well-researched' theories that did not make the slightest effort to look into South Asian culture and simply transposed their western bias onto Indian media and confidently make flat out wrong judgements and mislead other people. Clothing based sexual identity determinism is the least of it. That I can at least understand through the lens of a habitual process built through years of analyzing crumbs of queer representation available only through queer coded characters and symbolism such as clothing choices being the only way to see an aspect of yourself portrayed in an aggressively heteronormative media ecosystem. I do that too, because media is tragically heteronormative everywhere. But the rest? Its just straight up misinformation and misrepresentation touted as truth.

Its the same with relationships between men. There are plenty of cultures where skinship between men is not unusual and dynamics and nuances tend to be vastly different from western representations of male friendships. In xianxia and wuxia fandoms you can see this same problem in a different font when outsiders, most often the western side of the fandom, try to apply their own standards and morals onto the original work and try to interpret it through a lens it was never supposed to be interpreted through in the first place, except maybe for comparative analysis. This practice itself isn't a major problem, its natural for people to apply what is familiar to them to try and understand something new. But when this is also accompanied by them foisting their personal interpretation and analysis as the 'correct' one and trying to impose it on the fandom as a whole, it escalates into a powder keg situation as you can imagine.

Again, not saying that western parts of fandoms are the root of all evil or anything like that, gods know how toxic netizens can be. But in this specific situation, where people try to impose western ideals on to non-western content and assumes the universalism of their own principles and value systems? Indeed an issue to be addressed.

[scarletteye]

More crazy/obsessed Scaramouche

Like I've said last post, ya'll really like it when these genshin men go feral. So here is another one of my fave crazy Scaramouche moments from my fic Blossom of the Divine on ao3.

Blossom of the Divine, Chapter 9

“Get your hands off me,” you hissed.

He withdrew his hand for a moment, visibly taken aback by your hostility. The gentleness in his eyes slowly died out, becoming replaced by dissatisfaction. It wasn’t long before his entire expression turned grim. That sudden change in his demeanor struck you with fear.

His gaze slowly slid to the side. He looked at Cyno from the corner of his eyes. The darkness in Scaramouche’s expression warned you to be very careful with how you treat this situation. “Oh? You’re awake as well.”

You gaze snapped onto Cyno. Your heartbeat was in your throat; manic and forceful. He was awake. He looked disoriented. Dizzy. There was a certain blankness to his glare that assured you that he wasn’t quite here yet.

“It’s almost funny,” Scaramouche said, now glancing at the Fatui agents that bowed down to him. His tone was full of repressed fury. “I don’t remember ordering you to bring him. I thought I made myself clear.”

His fingers slid onto your neck; gently and carefully as if to not startle you. You shivered under his touch. His hands were cold, yet soft. His fingers gently brushed against your bruised skin, tracing the darkened patterns that painted your neck - evidence of your struggle against a Fatui agent.

“I ordered them to bring you here unharmed. Only you,” his voice turned lower. “Yet it seems that my followers are too stupid to follow simple instructions. Not only did they bring this rat…” He glanced at Cyno. “But they also brought you to me bruised.”

Completely covered in cold sweat and with your heart maniacally beating in your throat, you were unable to come up with anything. No smart remark. No plan. Even if you held a thought, it got lost in your mind as soon as your gaze met Scaramouche’s.

“Who did this to you?” he asked calmly.

“Huh?” you breathed out.

“I asked: who did this to you?” he tried again, this time sounding more commanding.

You felt that the atmosphere was heavy; it was dense enough to be cut by a knife. You knew that every agent around you felt fear as he asked you that question, and you felt fear for them. Despite you not giving him an answer, he noticed you glance at the agents.

“Oh?”

You gulped. His fingers gently grazed your bruised neck, setting fire to your ears and turning them bright red.  “There’s no reason for you to be so wary,” he dragged out his words. “You’re not in trouble.”

“The person who did this, however,” he continued, pressing his fingers against the bruise on your neck. You winced, holding your breath as he put pressure on your agitated skin. “I don’t exactly have an excuse for them.”

“I told you,” you squeezed the words out through your teeth, “to get your hands off me.”

You glared right back at him. Even though you were kneeling directly in his mercy, and even though your face was burning red from his touch, your eyes reflected a fire deep within you. Resentment.

Scaramouche tilted his head; his dark strands fell to one side. The corners of his lips twisted upwards. He stared down at you with amusement. He withdrew the hand from your neck, letting out a tch before taking a few steps forth. He faced his agents, leaving your side just long enough to give you space to breathe.

You quietly shivered. Strands of your hair got stuck to your face, and your panicked eyes searched for comfort in Cyno. He looked more awake with each passing minute. He carefully analyzed your surroundings, constantly keeping an eye on Scaramouche as if he feared being caught.

His scarlet eyes met your gaze, narrowing at you as he shook his head.

You raised your brows. You couldn’t understand what he was trying to tell you.

“Stand up,” Scaramouche ordered. The agents followed his instructions, keeping a brave face as they faced their superior. “All of you were there when she was captured. Surely one of you got to witness the moment that she was harmed.”

The agents were silent. Your heartbeat climbed to your ears, nearly deafening you as you recognized static on your skin.

“Need I repeat myself?” Scaramouche hissed. “You.” He called at a random agent. “Tell me what happened when you tried to retrieve her.”

“A battle broke out. Lord,” they quickly added. “But she… she was bruised before that. I think.”

“And who were the first agents to arrive on scene?” his cold gaze scoured the mass.

You tuned your head to look at Cyno again. He was trying to free his arms; his face contorted with pain. He grit his teeth, letting out a low breath before falling motionless. He couldn’t do anything. Not that you expected him to be able to escape in that state, but you still felt immeasurably cold as you watched him lower his head in shame.

You flinched as three agents stepped in front of you. They wore masks like everybody else, and their outfits were disfigured with bandages. Their skin glistened with sweat, and they kept their heads low, visibly scared of Scaramouche.

“Well?” Scaramouche appeared behind you, leaning down so that his lips reach your ear. His whisper filled your stomach with butterflies and sent your skin on fire. You turned tense. It was impossible to breathe with him so close to you. “Which one of them was it?”

Your eyes widened in horror. He was asking you to rat out the girl who gave you that bruise. You could almost feel him glaring at them from over your shoulder. You were unable to voice anything. What were you supposed to do? You didn’t want blood on your hands. He didn’t have to punish them. In fact, if he sent them after you, it was kind of his fault for putting you in harm’s way. For putting Cyno in harm’s way.

There was a constant chill in your spine and a constant storm in your stomach. You were unable to think. Unable to speak. Even if you wanted to tell him, you would never be able to recognize the agent. Even if you wanted to point out his hypocrisy, your voice would only tremble.

He grabbed your chin and slowly turned your head upwards, until your neck strained and until you stared directly at the ceiling. Scaramouche popped into your vision. His eyes were dim. You couldn’t miss the hurt in his voice, or the slight shift of his brows as he frowned at your silence. “You aren’t afraid to call them out, are you?”

“No. I… I just don’t know,” you whispered out.

His eyes turned wider; the tremble in your voice seemingly made him give up on pressuring you. “Don’t sound so worried,” he said. “They are just Dottore’s rats. He has plenty of them left.”

“I don’t know how they looked like,” you admitted. Your heart was manic. You didn’t want them to die. Even if they were Fatui. Even if they worked for Dottore. You didn’t want that kind of blood on your hands. “I’m telling you I don’t know,” you tried again. “She had a mask.”

“She,” Scaramouche repeated. He lowered your head, still keeping a firm grip on your chin as he let you look at the three agents. One of them was a male, the other two female. You couldn’t tell them apart. You knew one of them was Petrushka – the one that attacked you – and that one of them wielded Cryo.

To make matters worse, his hold on you hurt.

You glanced at Cyno, wishing to find some form of comfort in his presence. He glared at you, warning you to keep quiet.

Unfortunately, Scaramouche noticed the slight tilt of your head as your eyes searched for Cyno.

“Does your friend have a better idea?”

You gulped. Cyno glared right back at Scaramouche, unafraid of the fury in his tone.

“Maybe we can address the elephant in the room first, then,” Scaramouche said.

In return, Cyno’s scarlet eyes narrowed, as if he were threatening Scaramouche to stay away from him. It didn’t help in deescalating the situation. It only made Scaramouche’s anger more evident. His glare turned stone cold as he looked down at Cyno, as if he were speaking to a pile of garbage. “And who may you be?”

“Somebody who will end you if you don’t get your hands off her.”

Your eyes widened at Cyno’s words. You felt Scaramouche’s grip on your face tighten.  “Really?” he whispered.

“Wait,” you blurted out. You trembled as you slowly raised your head. By the time you were able to see him, your neck hurt. His image was upside down to you, but you still saw his eyes glisten with fury. “We don’t have to do this. Really- I don’t care that I have a bruise-”

“I care,” Scaramouche coldly said. You were taken aback by his tone. “I gave them simple orders. I told them not to harm you. I just don’t understand why they couldn’t simply listen. And now they have to die.”

“You don’t have to do that,” you tried to reason with him.

“And what kind of an example would that set to the others, hm?” he leaned his face closer to yours, challenging you to speak back to him again. His eyes reflected the full force of his anger. The full force of his madness. “I mean. They were already trying to catch you before I gave them orders. They should know where their loyalties lie.”

Cyno interjected. “I told you to get your hands off her.”

Scaramouche’s eyes slowly shifted to Cyno. Your heart sunk as you saw the madness in his glare. The thirst for violence. “Fine. If you don’t want to point fingers at the useless agent who hurt you, then I suppose I’m left with no choice.” He let go of your chin, letting your head sink along with your heart. “I’ll just have to eradicate all of them.”

To your horror, he pointed at Cyno. “Put him with the rest.”

His minions immediately began acting out his orders.

“Wait!” you yelled out. Your heartbeat climbed up to your throat. “It’s not his fault. Please don’t-”

Scaramouche’s agents grabbed Cyno, hoisting him up by his arms; a yelp left his mouth as they dragged him closer to the other three hostages. They were holding him cruelly, holding his wounds as they threw him at the floor as if he were an animal.

“Stop!” you screamed.

Cyno hissed in pain, shutting his eyes tightly as he sunk lower to the ground. Scaramouche stepped forth, wiggling his fingers as he summoned Electro to his palm. A ball of purple energy sparked alive in his hold; its loud crackled made you gasp. It illuminated his purple hair, and painting his eyes with hatred as he looked down at Cyno’s wounded body.

“Stop, stop, stop!” you screamed. You bowed down; your forehead hit the floor. You did not care how desperate you looked. You didn’t even care that you were bowing to him. You didn’t want Cyno to die. “Please stop. Stop this,” you begged. “He has nothing to do with this. P-Petrushka! That was the name of the agent who choked me! I remember now. See? Please don’t harm Cyno. Please.”

The room fell strangely quiet. Even the crackles of Scaramouche’s powers ceased. All you could hear were your shallow breaths. You dared to look up from the floor; you dared to search for Scaramouche’s face.

His expression was stoic. Though, the moment he found your teary gaze, a quiet breath rolled from his lips. “Good girl.”

He reached his arm out towards one of the female agents, seemingly already knowing which one of them was named Petrushka. You caught Cyno’s expression as he stared at you; full of shock and disbelief.

Petrushka dropped to his knees, trembling as if she were standing in an icy storm. Sweat doused her skin. Even with the mask on her face, you could tell that she was terrified.

Electricity crackled around Scaramouche. You held your breath, as you watched him glow with purple. Lighting circled him, erupting from his arms, suffocating the air with static.

Electro flashed around him. Cyno ducked, falling as close to the floor as possible before thunder struck.

A loud boom shook the room. You gasped; electricity surged through the room, nearly taking you off your knees and blinding you as it exploded throughout.  Sparks glimmered in the air, showering the floor like snow. A horrid silence enveloped you.

You dared to look at the female agent, finding only char and ashes in her spot. Scaramouche stretched his arm, clenching and unclenching his fingers as if he were just getting warmed up.

Your eyes frantically searched Cyno’s body. He breathed shallowly, full of panic much like yourself, but he was alive. Unharmed by the lighting like you begged of Scaramouche. He listened to you after all.

“Throw the rest of them behind bars,” Scaramouche ordered. “I don’t care what happens to them.”

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Bro casually kidnaps someone and then proceeds to kill anybody who put a scratch on that someone even though he told them to kidnap them for him.... Okay crazy guy <3 Whatever you want

As always you can read the fic on ao3 here.

Even with all of this tho i still feel as if Childe is crazier.

[2amtechnicolor]

We Need To Talk About Mahiru

Mahiru's second Trial is out and oh my god she just jumped up on my faves list. I love analyzing the MVs from different perspectives so I thought I'd give my 2 cents on Mahiru's character.

My vote: INNOCENT

The first thing I really feel the need to bring up is that people tend to ignore that Mahiru is actually very intelligent. There's multiple kinds of intelligence, and while she might not be "traditionally" smart in the linguistic sense, she's incredibly emotionally intelligent. She's a master of empathy and mood making and is an incredibly charming talker to the point you don't realize she's completely controlling the conversation. That being said, I genuinely don't think she uses her intelligence for malicious gains.

One of the theories going around with her first MV was that she was overbearing to the point of being abusive, while being oblivious to her own toxicity. Now after rereading and rewatching, I'm inclined to disagree. Her love may be seen as overbearing to some but we have not seen any explicit bad behavior towards her boyfriend. (Contrast with someone like Muu, who was revealed to have bullied as much as she was bullied herself). In my unpopular opinion, I genuinely think Mahiru was in a "healthy" relationship, at least on the surface.

[TW for discussions of death, murder, and fictional depictions of suicide]

[Side Note: One of the sticking points people have while saying "Mahiru was toxic" is that "Mahiru's relationship only lasted 16 days" which is blatantly not true when you check the translations for MV1. Day 1 takes place during college finals (mid-March-ish in JPN), Day 7 explicitly takes place in the summer, and Day 15 is New Year's Day (January). Mahiru's affection towards her boyfriend lasted almost a year, and they dated for around 6 months-ish during that. The "16 Day Memorial" isn't about a period of 16 days, it's about 16 days over the course of their relationship where she was explicitly making moves towards her boyfriend.]

I need you to take a real hard look at how Mahiru talks about "love" and "being in love." More specifically, when she talks about the concept of "love," she often brings up the action of "loving/showing love" in her explanation. Never once have I heard her say "My boyfriend loved me." or "This is what my boyfriend did for me." The focus is all on her actions towards the boyfriend. And I genuinely think she was a sweet girlfriend! She loved trying his hobbies and cooking his favorite foods and going to his favorite spots. She was sweet, and kind, and playful, and maybe just a bit clingy. But she was never jealous or possessive.

Es: I see. So, you became a murderer as a result of some relationship conflicts? Jealousy… Grudges… Having your partner stolen from you… Those stories aren’t all that uncommon now are they?

Mahiru: You’re wrong. It wasn’t that. I…never even wanted to kill anyone in the first place!

She explicitly states that her crime was not based off of negative feelings towards her boyfriend, but she still takes responsibility for what happened. Compare that to Fuuta, who, despite his own feelings of guilt, continually verbally denied that he had anything to do with his victim's death. Mahiru not only takes explicit responsibility, but also pins her "love" as his cause of death, to the point where if she was voted guilty, she would never try to love anyone again. Without "loving" anyone, she has no reason to live.

"To not forgive me means to take the act of loving away from me. That’s the same as not being alive. It’s the same as not being able to drink water or breathe."

It's interesting the way she compares basic needs to "the act of loving". Not the concept of "love" itself, but the act of showing someone love. If she is not allowed to show someone love, to her it's like suffocating, like dying of thirst, or maybe...dying of starvation?

Mahiru in her second MV may be dirty and barefoot with torn clothes, but the one thing she is not is starving. You could argue that "perhaps it doesn't show," but when compared to her boyfriend...

She's incredibly healthy.

And of course she's healthy! Her lovely boyfriend's been feeding her those bites of cake! So is the cake "love" then? But if the cake is love, why is her boyfriend, the one whose being "smothered," the one starving?

Feeding the cake doesn't represent "love." Feeding the cake also doesn't represent "the act of loving." Feeding the cake represents the boyfriend letting Mahiru "love" him. Does that make sense?

The boyfriend lets himself be vulnerable, he feeds pieces of himself to Mahiru for her to "love." But yet, he himself is starving.

...Have you even noticed Mahiru hates talking about herself?

It's evident from her first interrogation. Es can barely get two words in before Mahiru interrupts them to ask them questions about themselves or to offer her own advice to problems she thinks Es may be having.

Es: Oh… yeah. Uh… I apologise for that.

Mahiru: Did you zone out just then? This job must be pretty difficult, so you might be mentally burned out from work. Herbal tea’s good for that, you know? Oh! Like ginkgo tea—they say it helps improve brain function.

Es: Oh, is that so? I’ll try a bit then… I mean, no! Enough about me.

Compared to one of the few times Es gets a question in:

Es: I don’t completely understand what you’re saying, but… Being in love and loving someone—are they really that important?

Mahiru: They are.

Es: Hm.

Mahiru: They are… More so than anything else.

When reflected back to her, her answered become short and vague. Her voice grows soft and shy. She avoids questions, especially questions about difficult topics, not because she doesn't understand the gravity of them (like Haruka) but because she does. Like I said at the top, she's incredibly emotionally intelligent. She was beaten nearly to death because Kotoko decided to be Es's "fang", and yet she still empathizes with them. She still makes a strong attempt to see their point of view, and even to encourage Es to keep working hard. Compared to the other attacked prisoner we've seen, Fuuta, who blames and grovels for forgiveness, these responses are like night and day.

But what do we know about Mahiru, really?

She's 22

She's a university student

She likes romantic novels, comic, and dramas

She loves love. [But she's not obsessed with being loved. Haruka is obsessed with being loved, Haruka wants to be loved and taken care of, Haruka killed out of jealousy and for attention because he didn't feel loved enough. We never get that from Mahiru.]

Everything else we know about Mahiru? Is for other people.

Her favorite hobbies? Whatever her partner is doing.

Her fashion sense? Whatever will catch her partner's eye.

Her favorite food? Well, as long her partner cooks it, anything's her favorite!

The only time we ever get a sense of her and her boyfriend possibly disagreeing on something is Day 14 in MV1. Mahiru wants to see a French film and begs her boyfriend to take her. This is odd, because just a few scenes ago, she was bragging about how their tastes in films perfectly line up. If their tastes are the same, why would she have to beg him to take her to see this one?

Mahiru, like Yuno, is hiding behind a facade. But unlike Yuno, Mahiru doesn't have a strong core underneath her mirroring. Yuno can drop her "nice girl" act and she still has strong opinions and feelings and acts accordingly. Mahiru, when you try to go behind her mask, clams up, redirects, searches for a way out.

So. Back to cake.

The boyfriend feeds pieces of himself to Mahiru. He makes himself vulnerable, he lets her in, lets her care for him, lets her "love" him.

But Mahiru? She never feeds him until the very end, and even then, her "cake" isn't anything edible.

She's not stupid. She knows she can't give him what he really wants: any sort of vulnerability.

Their relationship is one-sided, but not because Mahiru is toxic or the boyfriend is apathetic. Their relationship is one sided because that's how Mahiru wants it to be. She wants to be the perfect girlfriend, because, if we're being honest, Mahiru doesn't like herself very much.

Why else would she hate talking about herself? She clearly loves to chat.

She puts her all into everything...as long as it's for someone besides her.

She will outright ignore her own pain and suffering, her own emotions, because she doesn't want to make anyone else upset.

Mahiru: Sorry… for making you worry. I’m fine! It doesn’t hurt at all.

Es: It’s a horrible injury. There’s no way it doesn’t hurt.

Mahiru: It doesn’t!

So why did her boyfriend die?

Mahiru's very good at hiding her emotions. If she slipped up and her boyfriend realized and noticed how she refused to love herself, it could cause friction in their otherwise perfect relationship.

Maybe Mahiru was the one who wanted to die in the woods, and her boyfriend, starved for any sort of real connection to her, found her at the last moment? Maybe her mental health dragged his down with her.

Mahiru's incredibly complex and tragic and endlessly relatable. She only loves too much because she can't love herself. If she's truly unforgivable, and she keeps her promise to stay alone...what's stopping her from killing the only thing she hates most?