#I joke a lot about him being pathetic but it’s not even funny any more I need him to just have a moment of being ok w no strings attached

[fairyk133]

Ruth Beautè’s Voice Lines [Remastered]/ Errands (Role In Game)

Name: Ruth Beautè Ruth Beau

Kissable? : No (but if you give her flowers, you can kiss her on the back of her hand)

Age: 15-16

Greetings/Bumped Into:

“Morning, Hopkins.”

‘“Howdy.”

“Good day”

“Um..hi?”

“What do you want?”

*Bumps into*

“Oh, my sincerest apologies.”

“Do watch were you are walking..”

“Argh— it’s fine, just watch it.”

Clique people/ or speaking about others in game mode:

“Some people say the most attractive greaser is Jonathan Vincent, but it’s obviously Ricky.”

“Each time that Martin girl dares speaks to me, I wanna kms. Honestly, does she have any real personality? Can’t blame her, she is kinda sad, then again I use her so I guess she’s not all bad.”

“That Harrington gets on my nerves, you know, he payed to win a mock trial session? What a fucking joke, I mean— if you suck at it, you suck at it. Must be hard having no talent or skill. What a dumb stereo typical blonde. Ha!”

“Hey, Gauntheir, wanna know what [block name] said about you?”

“Russell, that Ape? His parents are probably those flints stone people, have you heard him speak? How [R slur].”

“The greasers and the preps will fight? What is this? The outsiders again!?”

“Wiles is so…dead, s-she ruined my name, now boys glare at me…like I’m a whore, how can I be one? I haven’t even had sex yet-!?”

Talking about staff:

“Dr. Crabblesnitch is not fit to run this school, so I took it upon myself to…be his student advisor, meaning, I can tell him we need more clubs, he’ll do it, if I say a student did something, he will believe me. Amazing isn’t it?

“One time, Miss Danvers believed I had a crush on Crabblesnitch….all because I suck up to him. I think she’s on shrooms…”

“Mrs.Peabody allowed me to install new curtains, a vainity, and silk and satin sheets for my bed, for my dorm room. Being class respective certainly has its advantages.

“I told Mr. Burton about my shorts for soccer… saying I need a larger pair, but he says it’s not a big deal…that bald man knows nothing about my body, I don’t want the whole school go know.”

“That dingus Burton! Now everyone has been calling me RUTH BOOTAY! CURSE MY SOMALIAN GENES THIS IS RIDICULOUS!”

“Thanks to Wiles…I feel so dirty Joetta… is this how prostitutes feel after a long day at work?”

“Wait a minute….why am I moping? I can just do what I do best, ruin her life! Oh my gosh ahaHA!”

“I heard the jocks been taking steroids, I know they are but— I can’t snitch on them…Since Max takes them and I’m in his favor. Meaning I won’t be able to use him anymore…”

“Why yes, I am on good terms with all the prefects, they…also help me a lot….more than I need of course….”

“That Edna woman has to be a former convict…”

“Lucky me..I don’t eat her food, I always make mine when’s she out of the kitchen…that hefier can’t cook even if it was to save her self from a UTI…”

“Mista Max, I think I saw [Block name] have substances in their book bag, tell Crabblesnitch and expell that miscreant at once! Go! go!”

“You know…Justin, the Vandervale kid, was right…MONEY TALKS!”

Grooming:

“I don’t look like her…n-no I don’t..”

“Ha, what was Vendome talking about— me looking like Vivian…”

*Sighs* “I wish my hips weren’t so wide..”

“Sexy, as always.”

Being hit (Winning and Getting hurt):

“You’re so dead Hopkins!

“Don’t touch me again you fucking miscarriage looking bastard!”

*Looks around to see any Prefects, take out her rosary and uncaps the bottom, revealing a blade*

“I’m gonna kill you….”

(Can actually cut you and run to Prefect and tell that you tried to kill her fake crying. : Good chance you will be suspended)

“Now you’re crying? So fucking pathetic, good God.”

Random Quotes:

“I miss my Hadid…”

“So what if I ruined her social status, her skin, friend group, and probably made her wanna end it all? She did it first, so do it back to her, now she’s crying? What a waste of half good oxygen! Ugh!”

“You know..that Smith guy is actually kinda funny…”

“Parker is such a dork…and kinda sweet..”

“White trash!”

“You failed abortion!”

“No, Hopkins…you got me all wrong…I don’t wanna take over this school, doing that…is like being a zoo keeper. Why would I wanna be in control of a bunch of…slimy, insolent, animals!? Yeah no.”

“Hey get off of my friend, cocksucker!”

“Let me get help!”

“Oh you gave me flowers…sorry but I’m not kissing you on the mouth, I don’t know where your lips have been…”

“You may…kiss on my hand…” (She’s will rub her hands with head sanitizer afterwards when you walk away.)

Roles:

Pays player 85 dollars to plant drugs in someone’s car.

Pays you 50 dollars if you can give her back rosary Mandy stole from her.

When you investigate the Halloween party, and go in the woods you will see Ruth putting on her ghost face costume, get ready to scare Casey. You will hear a scream and run to it, you will have to help Casey who broken his leg, out of the ditch.

She comes to you when dates Gary and will give you hush money not to tell anyone.

[lavellaned]

Got Solas’ murals at the lighthouse and I just

One of his regrets is physically manifesting into a flesh and blood person. It’s something he wishes he could forget. It’s something he would never not be aware of every waking moment of immortal life. Can this man PLEASE get a break

[ghoularaki]

tw: coercion, noncon, drugging, infantilization, subtle misogyny

gojo doesn't understand you.

all the years you were acquaintances, he simply couldn't wrap his head around your behavior. he couldn't tell if you were scared or just a prude. like come on, how are you both in your twenties and still claimed to not have any want to have sex?

don't get gojo wrong, he thought you were pretty, pretty enough to grab his attention. gojo could have any woman but for some reason you tugged at and occupied his brain. he deduced it was simply because you were still a virgin despite you only being a couple years younger than him.

this wasn't hidden knowledge as you were very upfront about it. for someone with an aversion for sex, you sure talked about it a lot. this is why gojo couldn't get you. shouldn't people like you be more bashful and shy around topics like that?

the way you would giggle at dirty jokes or even making your own more raunchy than what he said almost made him wince. the fantasy of you being completely and utterly clueless, and at gojo's whim was frequently shattered. he couldn't stand how you talked such big game for someone who's never had their cherry popped.

from across the table, gojo watched you from over the rim of his drink. your own clasped in your hand, you collapsed into utahime after she said something surely not as funny as you were making it seem. you sure were a light-weight.

tapping his finger against the glass, gojo decided to step in.

"alright ladies, i think it's time i take this one," he had a lopsided grin on his face as he pointed a thumb at your inebriated state.

"but gojo, we just started," you pouted up at him, still clinging to utahime.

easily he pries you from the other woman's form and you instead latch onto him. utahime tells you to text her when you're home safe, and you wave her off.

"i'm in the hands of the strongest," you fake swoon. "i'm sure i will be fine."

gojo smirks, but not for the reason you think.

surprisingly, it was not hard at all to get you to come back to his apartment. sure it's not the first time you've been there, but typically you were accompanied by others. you were with that sloshed or a little too trusting of him. either way, it benefitted him in the end.

"let's set you on the couch," gojo maneuvers you so you were strewn across the cushions, head rested on the arm.

still drunk, you paid no mind to gojo going off into the kitchen. humming to himself, he pours you a cup of juice and reaches into his pocket. he has been waiting to do this for a long time. unbeknownst to you, the sorcerer slipped a little surprise into your drink.

"sit up and drink this," he came over and loomed over you.

too out of it question him, you happily sit up and take the cup from him. you gulp it all down and hum at the sweetness.

sure you drank it all, gojo sits next you, pulling your legs over his lap. idly he brushed his long fingers over your exposed shins. you didn't question it as gojo was always a very touchy person. plus the motions were lulling you to sleep.

then it started. heat washed over your body like a fever. a deep ache in your core from out of nowhere. squirming, you whined as gojo touching you didn't help your prediciment.

"what's wrong?"

"i'm hot," you slurred.

"it must be the alcohol, lets get you to bed so you're more comfortable."

unable to protest, gojo picks you up in a bridal carry with no struggle. your head resting on his chest offered you no solace, only making you whine more.

never in your life have you felt this... horny, to be blunt. especially over someone like gojo. sure, he was beautiful, but he was your friend. even in your lonesome, you never got this aroused. you were confused and the liquor in your system just made things all the more fuzzy.

pathetically, you whine as gojo rested you on top of his bedding. he doesn't depart from you, if anything he surrounds you more. gojo sat by your hips with his torso twisted to have his arms bracket your head.

"aww what's wrong?" he pouts with concern. but his tone feels so condescending.

unable to resist, you rubbed your thighs together in hopes to relieve the ache. brows twisted, you looked up at gojo who at some point forgone his glasses.

this is exactly what gojo had been imagining for years. you, under him, dewy-eyes and helpless. his eyes couldn't stay in one place, going from how you bite your lip to stifle your noises or how your legs rubbed together for even the tiniest bit of pleasure.

"does the little baby need help?" he knew he was laying it on thick, but he couldn't help but mock you.

you acted so tough, like you didn't need to get fucked, like you didn't need him. and yet, here you are, grasping at him for any resolve.

"please," you whimpered, tears brimming your eyes. at this point it hurt and you wanted it to be gone.

gojo smiled wide. in no time he had both you and him stripped down bare. fuck, you were cuter than he expected. kneeling between your legs, he had a hand under your knee, forcing it up to your chest. on display was your pulsing pussy and puffy clit.

thanks to the drug you were already wet enough for him. but he couldn't help but be a tease. his free hand danced from your slit up to your clit and back down, dipping to the rim of your asshole.

"you're so out of it, you would let me play here with no questions asked."

with the slick gathered and dripping down from your hole, he slathered it all over the puckered muscles.

"but then your poor pussy would be neglected. another time then."

long fingers went back up to your pussy and slid into the unbreeched hole. your back arched at finally being filled. after what felt like hours, you sucked in his fingers, relieved. there was no pain as his thrust in and out at a leisure pace.

your brain was completely wiped clean. all you cared about was getting rid of the empty feeling in your core.

hips bucking, you chased his fingers, wanting him to hit that spongy spot inside you. gojo couldn't have been more elated. he was rendering the prudish you into a slutty, desperate mess.

cock drooling with precum, he decide to get to the main event.

actual tears cascaded down your face as you sobbed from him pulling his fingers from your cunny. gojo shushed you and tapped his cockhead against your neglected clit.

"don't worry pretty girl, i'm going to fill you up nice and full."

dumbly nodding, your gaze never left gojo as he forced his way in. a gasp caught in your chest as his thick head popped inside the ring of muscles. your cunt instantly clenched around the large, foreign object. gojo collapsed onto his elbow from your warm walls beckoning him in further.

not caring if he's causing you any pain, he bullied his way in further until his pelvic bone hit your clit. looking down, he saw his cock causing a small bulge in your belly. gojo couldn't help but laugh. how many other men were going to be able to fill you to the brim and more like he did? how nice of him to show you how it is to be properly fucked.

resting more of his weight on you, he swung his hips to fuck in and out of you in tandem. you were going to take every inch no matter if it hurt or not. the drug and alcohol made you so sloppy all you did was moan and whine. your eyes blearily looked at him, but he could tell you had no clue what you were actually seeing.

"did i fuck you stupid, already?" he groaned.

again you nodded and wrapped your arms further around his broad shoulders. gojo bent down to put his face in your neck, biting along the column of your throat.

"c-close."

he laughed again the skin. his hot breath made your spine tingle. "really?"

"yes!" you cried when he angled his hips to repeatedly abuse your g-spot.

your neglected clit begged for attention. you just wanted to cum. squirming against gojo, you tried to get him to brush against it in anyway possible. desperate you pleaded, "t-touch me."

"i am touching you."

you vehemently shake your head, "please! touch my clit, i n-need it. please, satoru, please!"

your babbles had gojo lose his rhythm. you never called him by his first name and hearing it with your broken voice did things to him. you were going to be the death of him.

listening to your pleas, gojo slid his hand down to rest on your thigh to swirl and twiddle your clit. as your walls spasmed around him, his thrust got more sloppy and untimed. unable to stop himself, he gave a few more thrusts and then smooshed his hips firm to yours as he came deep into your cunt. moaning at the warmth filling you, you came around him.

gojo with no shame, moaned just as loud. the tone breathy and deep. at the end, his voice hitched as you continued to clench around him, sucking him dry. with a couple more weak thrusts, gojo pulled out from you.

you whined at being empty and also the cooling cum dribbled out your raw cunny. despite being thoroughly fucked you still felt achy. as gojo departed from you, things become a little more clear.

"finally coming down to earth?" the man asked, approaching the bed with a warm cloth.

tears bubbled up again, but for a different reason.

seeing your distraught face, gojo pouted, "aww you poor thing. don't worry, we have all the time in the world for you to realize how big of a favor i'm doing you. ya know, since you aren't leaving anytime soon."

[the-s1lly-corner]

YAYAY hello sillycorner admin!! i love ur stuff yum

i'd like to request jax, zooble and gangle (seperately) with a (gn or fem) reader that's a slinky dog :3 slinky middle of arms (no elbows), slinky between their chest and lower body (so they have no tummy, just slinky!)

if personality suggestions are allowed, optimistic and sweet !! a chill lil guy even

thank u!! mwamwa

Jax, Zooble, Gangle x slinky dog!reader

Writing a bunch of post openings on my new phone to try to encourage my hands to get used to the new feel but the actual posts will be written on my laptop for the time being WOO YEAH BABY

Notes: reader is GN, jax is a little mean to the shock of no one, zooble and gangle can be read as romantic or platonic, jax isnt really... written as romantic... hes actually kind of an ass

CWs: none

JAX

pushes you a lot, but he does it a lot less as you two grow closer... the second he sees stairs he wants to see if he can send you down them and if youll move just like a normal slinky

sometimes puts things hes found into your springs for you to hang onto for him until he wants them later down the line... sometimes it actually does make your constant movement a little less constant- it keeps the coils closer together... its actually a little nice

you sometimes make him sick with how carefree and cheerful you are- no one is that relaxed about everything, youve got to have something going on in there, theres got to be something thats going to make you snap and by god hes going to find it if its the last thing he does

grows increasingly exasperated when each attempt to get you even a little angry fails... youre almost tempted to fake a reaction just to give him the satisfaction... its actually a little pathetic to watch him lose so much sleep over it

ZOOBLE

their singular eye follows you as you bob up and down until you settle into a still position- probably one of the only things they cant ignore because its so distracting... not that they think youre at fault or bad for it, they do think itd cause so many headaches with all the rocking and motion though

youre cheerful in contrast to their... not so cheerfulness. you try to convince them to join you on adventures but they always turn you down... you dont ever stop asking though... never pushy though, you take their answer when they give it to you for that day

you both have unconventional bodies and when you feel a little down about it, they can relate to you. they hate that their body falls apart easy, and that it doesnt feel quite right. and youre not too thrilled about bobbing all over the place and constantly falling over the place at gravitys mercy

they give you an amused huff whenever you try to tell a joke or use your springs as a prop to try to make them laugh... they dont really find it funny but they know you would feel good that they appreciate the effort

GANGLE

she sometimes gets her ribbons stuck in your springs.... please help her get out before it gets worse! its a total nightmare for both of you when she gets more than a little bit of herself stuck in you

cuddling has to be done slowly and you both need to be hyper aware of each others movements to avoid any tangle mishaps

youre both not the most stable either- ribbon isnt the strongest, and slinkys tend to go all over with just a little push

you.... actually both bond over that after you both have a particularly bad day with balance and keeping upright

youre so sweet to her and manage to get her to feel better even when her comedy mask has been broken

when out together on adventures you tend to point at everything you see and ask if she can draw it... a lot of the time youre trying to lighten the mood when things dont go as planned... you use your spring arms to stretch and push the point

[jimmy-j-james]

okaay hii can i request something?🤭 Ghost x male reader who is stuttering and have some speech impediment? shsjsj i hopeyou have a good day!!

JITTERS

- M!reader x Ghost

- Proofread:

- Genre: Fluff

- Synopsis: Reader has a speech impediment caused by past injuries, and while training some of the newest recruits, he finds that they aren’t as respectful as they should be. Slowly enough, the stress of their words builds up, and Ghost is the first to notice, giving the rookies a piece of his mind.

════════════════

“Alright c-chumps, prac-practice today won’t be as easy.” (Y/n) starts up as he enters the gymnasium, tossing down the files on the recruits. He’d been assigned to train the new guys, expecting well prepared and mature soldiers, though it’s clear that won’t be the case.

A couple snickers follow after his words, delivered by a small group of privates. Their hushed whispers accompanied by laughter as they poke jokes. It’s clear they gave no care for whether they were caught or not.

“S-something to sh-share p-private.” He gives himself a silent curse, knowing that the sentence was filled with struggling words, though he pushed through.

A scowl sat on his face as the self-claimed leader of the ‘posé’ stepped forward. “Sh-shouldn’t someone more.. skilled, be teaching us?” He mocks, crossing his arms over his chest. The other three give their own sounds of agreement, earning a tight frown from the sergeant.

“I’m p-perfectly sk-skilled for this job.” He argues, standing tall before the group. His confidence wavers though, knowing his stuttering wouldn’t provide useful for intimidation.

“Sure you are, Jitters.” The cruel name stuck, earning silence from the sergeant as he silently calmed himself.

“T-ten laps around the base.” He demands firmly, his eyes glued to the private. “All f-four of you.”

The group groans and curses him out before making their way out of the gym, leaving the rest of the group stood patiently.

“C-continuing wi-without them..”

════════════════

The bickering didn’t stop there. The snide comments continuing as he passed them within the halls. Having the bitter group mock and pick at him.

It grew to the point that the other began noticing (y/n)‘s stress. The way he seemed so irritated to teach the privates. Flinching as people struggled over their own words.

The harassment had a clear impact on himself, and Ghost was not going to let it continue. He worked hard to track it back to the source. The pathetic group of privates that deemed themselves worthy of talking down to a sergeant.

He wasted no time gathering them into the gym. They stood anxiously beneath his glare. Practically sweating bullets as his cold glare kept watch over them.

“You lot think it’s funny to disrespect your superiors, do you?” He questions rhetorically, shutting down the first private to try and speak. “Think makin’ fun of sergeant (l/n) is amusing?”

Their faces notably pale, looking anywhere but towards the lieutenant. “Did you even bother asking why he’s got those stutters? Bet you slags didn’t even care to ask, just thought it was funny to pick fun.”

Ghost grunts, rolling back his shoulders as he eyes the four. “M.I.A, sergeant (l/n) kept us all safe despite the risks of his life. Kept his mouth shut as a group of terrorists interrogated him.” He starts up, basking in the way the privates flinch at his tone.

“He spent weeks with a broken jaw. Weeks of barely being able to make out simple noises. When we finally found ‘im, he was unable to speak without slurring everythin’. All to keep us safe, like a loyal soldier should. And you lot think it’s funny to go poking about his ways of speech?”

Ghost gives a weak huff, one of mock amusement as he scowls. “That man is more of a soldier than any of you will ever be. You’ll be transferred to a different team. Expected to be on the tarmac by five-hundred exact tomorrow.” He informs before making his leave, leaving behind the pathetic and guilt soaked privates.

════════════════

The sergeant’s mood noticeably picked up at the lack of the privates. Happily working with the rest of the group, going back to happily chattering with friends, and living worry free within base.

And all due to his ‘secret’ admirer’s work, or as he would place it, blessing. Removing all threats, small and big, so that the sergeant could live a decent life.

Going as far as to twist the harmful things into new opportunities. And of course, (y/n)‘s favourite, being his new call sign. Gifted with a new meaning of playful banters and pure affection, the team had slowly progressed to call the sergeant by the call sign Jitters.

And he couldn’t be any happier to have such a fitting name. A name that started with harmful intent to becoming an adoring title from his own lieutenant.

════════════════

© Copyright @jimmy-j-james, 2023

All rights reserved

do not copy/paste, claim as your own, post on different sites, or translate without prior consent from me

[pinkrangersarah]

OKAY SO, I just watched Red Shows and the Seven Dwarfs again, and I gotta say, while it's not PERFECT, it's still a damn shame it's not being talked about more. That marketing crew DAMNED this movie and not even the assurances of the cast themselves could undo the damage, but I'm here with the hopes that maybe, just maybe, this movie can get the attention it deserves.

CRITIQUES

Unremarkable villains. Regina is well designed and acted, but she's given very little to do until the end. She also has virtually no relationship with Snow White, despite being her step mother. We also have Prince Average, who is delightfully pathetic, but also doesn't provide much. Not horrible antagonists, but not super fleshed out, either.

The first few minutes are pretty rushed. Snow White getting the shoes and fleeing her step mother, who doesn't recognize her, is almost blink-and-you-miss it. The writing in general is a tad clunky in spots, cheesy even. Nothing horrible, though, it won't ruin the viewing experience.

We're not given too much insight on the characters themselves, particularly the dwarves, the Fearless Seven. I feel like I can let Snow White slide a bit as we all know who Snow White is at her core, but these dwarves are VERY different from any interpretation I've seen. Outside of Merlin, who gets the bulk of the screentime between the seven of them and character development, we know basically nothing about them outside their character traits (i.e., Arthur is strong, Hans loves food and is a good chef, Jack is a priss, and the triplets are geniuses). I'm not saying we need backstory or anything on all of them, but a little bit more substance would be neat.

POSITIVES

SNOW WHITE IS A QUEEN AND I LOVE HER. I love her design. I love that she's happy with herself. SHE'S SO STRONG. SHE CAN BENCH 250. SHE GETS TO SHOW OFF THAT STRENGTH HERE AND THERE. I also love that she's not necessarily a pushover. She's sweet, she's nice, but can bite back sometimes. All in all one of my favorite Snow White interpretations.

THE ANIMATION IS FANTASTIC! It's not DISNEY quality or anything, but it still looks great! The textures are nice; you can see the embroidery on Snow's blouse, Jack's clothes, there's all kinds of nice details like that.

A LOT of thought went into this movie, especially the dwarves even if their characters ended up not being the most fleshed out. Somebody pointed out that the triplets--Pino, Noki, and Kio--sound an awful lot like "Pinocchio". They pilot a giant, wooden puppet that they use to fight, and that puppet has a long nose. They even have Italian accents (which might be slightly over the top, but they don't get a lot of screentime so it's hard for me to say), and Pinocchio is an Italian fairy tale. All of the dwarves have little details like that. They're based off fairytales, obviously (hell the movie takes place on "Fairytale Island"), and a lot of love went into them. Arthur's so Scottish, it's hard to understand him, sometimes. It's pretty funny.

I know you've seen this on other posts talking up this movie and everything, but I'm here to say it again: THIS MOVIE IS NOT BODY SHAMING. IT IS EVERYTHING BUT! As I mentioned above, Snow White loves herself just the way she is; she keeps the shoes on, but it is NOT because she wants to be beautiful. If anything, MERLIN is the one that has to go on the "love yourself" journey.

NITPICKS (not important, just stuff I pick at)

GOD I wish there was more lore. I know, it's fairytales, I don't really need it, but I am a slut for worldbuilding and lore.

The pop songs are lowkey annoying. Not enough to ruin the viewing experience, but enough for me to remember: oh yeah, this movie was meant for a younger audience.

Not all the jokes land. I can forgive it because the rest of it is enjoyable, but most of the jokes that do land are Arthur being incomprehensible at times and Prince Average being his delightfully pathetic self.

To sum it all up, go check this movie out! It's a fun time with good characters, great animation, and a fantastic message. It's available on Peacock, but if you don't want to pay for a subscription then it's available for free (according to Google) on Tubi, Amazon Prime Video, and the Roku Channel.

[chaoticm0therfvcker]

Arrogant Whelp (CRK modern AU)

Tags: modern au, purecacao fluff and angst, my oc, clotted cream being a dick, lots of swearing, my oc beats up clotted cream but there isn’t a ton of gore

Summary: a modern take on the big reveal from cookie odyssey, taking place in Caffeines bar.

It was just after sundown, and Dark Cacao, Hollyberry, and Pure Vanilla were hanging out in Caffeine’s bar, Night and Day Cafe. It was a coffee shop by day, and a bar at night, and the three found themselves there often. Cacao would often get himself a coffee before work and pick up a tea for Vanilla, and Hollyberry had spent countless nights there drinking “berry juice” and talking with Caffeine about their current adventures. Unfortunately, despite being close friends, it had been forever since they had been able to hang out together just the three of them. They would have invited White Lily and Golden Cheese as well, but Lily was still recovering from her several year long coma and Golden decided that with a little kid in the house, it would be best that they do something during the day so she could introduce the gang to Fettuccine. So here they were, Hollyberry having her usual drink while Dark Cacao and Pure Vanilla treated themselves to cocktails they didn’t drink very often. They were chatting, catching up on major life events, joking around about the relationship between Crunchy Chip and Wildberry, and even getting Caffeine involved in the conversation whenever the topic switched to travel plans or some sort of crazy event they felt she would be interested in. And of course, Cacao and Vanilla teasing her slightly whenever she got flustered from Hollyberry’s responses.

Then, as any lovely outing among friends would face, it was ruined by a rather arrogant eavesdropper, more specifically, a regular at Night and Day that Caffeine did not get good vibes from.

His name was Clotted Cream.

“Well, hello there,” he started, glancing at the three from across the bar while swirling his drink, “fancy seeing you here.”

Dark Cacao stifled a groan. He knew Clotted Cream, as well as just how annoying he was. He would constantly try to get between Vanilla and Cacao, making comments on their parenting skills, trying to reveal lies (even though they were almost always just surprise anniversary gifts), and even outing Vanilla as bisexual to Dark Cacao, as if he didn’t already know that. He was constantly trying to get between them, get under their skin, do whatever he could to trigger any sort of drama for his own personal entertainment. He didn’t even have a crush on one of them, although he did try fake confessing to Pure Vanilla a few times. He just enjoyed the drama, and seemed so defeated every time his stupid tactics didn’t work. It was pathetic, really, and even Caffeine had jumped in and shut him up a few times. However, this time he took it too far.

“What do you want, Clotted?” Pure Vanilla asked, “my husband knows I’m bisexual, he knows I don’t love you, he knows that Dark Choco’s angsty teenager phase took a really dark turn, and we both know that we have surprise anniversary gifts for each other that we would like to stay a surprise.”

“It’s almost funny how desperate you are to cause problems between them,” Hollyberry chimed in, “I mean, it’s pathetic, but it’s practically turned into a game where we make bets to see what bullshit you’re going to be trying this time.”

“Oh, I know my last few plans were a bit… unsound, but this time, I actually have no intention of hurting you, just… warning you of something I feel you deserve to know.” He turned to Caffeine, “Does she have to stay here? This is really something that should only be shared among friends.”

“I can stay,” Caffeine replied, “I mean, they come here often enough that I view them as friends, and they include me in their conversations enough, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind me listening in. But that’s up to them.”

“She can stay.” Dark Cacao grumbled through gritted teeth, “what are you ‘warning us of’ this time?”

Clotted Cream smirked. “I’m so glad you’re willing to hear me out, because it’s regarding some people rather… close to you. You know that gang that your eldest was part of? The cookies of darkness?”

“Of course,” Pure Vanilla replied, “but he left months ago! We’ve since been reunited and have been living very nicely together, thank you very much.”

“That’s not the point, but I’m glad you know who I am talking about.” Clotted glanced at Dark Cacao, “Although, you wouldn’t happen to know who runs that whole operation, would you?”

“It was Red Velvet’s mother, whoever that is.” Pure Vanilla replied.

“I wasn’t talking to you, Vanilla.” Clotted snapped, “Dark Cacao, you wouldn’t happen to know the true identity of Red Velvet’s mother, would you?”

“No, I don’t, none of us do,” Cacao replied, glancing around at his friends, “we have a detective looking into it, but as of now we don’t know much.”

Clotted Cream snickered. “Well, what if I were to tell you that I know who it is? As well as the fact that one of your dear ‘friends’ here knows the truth as well?”

“What are you getting at?” Cacao grumbled.

“What I’m getting at, is that the person behind the whole operation, Red Velvet’s mother, the one who took your eldest son away from you and turned him into a monster, is none other than White Lily, also known as Dark Enchantress!” He announced.

Tears started to well in Pure Vanilla’s eyes. “No…” he whimpered, “no, no, no…”

“And, if that wasn’t already enough of a betrayal,” Clotted Cream added, “your darling husband here, Pure Vanilla, has known the truth all along and has been lying to you for months! I’m sure if you ask him he’ll make some excuse that he ‘didn’t wanna hurt your feelings’ but no matter what excuses he makes to try and defend himself, he’s still the monster that just wants to defend his childhood best friend.”

At the sight of Pure Vanilla’s now sobbing state, Dark Cacao saw red, and he attempted to lunge at Clotted Cream.

Seeing Dark Cacao ready to attack, Hollyberry wrapped her arms around him from behind, restraining him before he could do any damage to himself or Clotted Cream.

“Let go of me!” He bellowed, clawing at the air and trying to fight out of Hollyberry’s grasp, “I will end that arrogant whelp!”

“Dark Cacao, come to your senses! This won’t help anything!” Hollyberry replied, tightening her grip.

To Clotted Creams demise, while Dark Cacao was restrained, Caffeine was not, and she took this as the perfect opportunity to punch him square in the nose, causing him to fall out of his chair and slide across the floor quite a bit. Exiting her station behind the counter, she stomped over to Clotted Cream and stepped on his chest, firmly holding him in place.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” She yelled, “all they’re trying to do is have a nice family outing, and you have to come and ruin it all, like the pathetic little dipshit that you are! The White Lily that you claim is Dark Enchantress has been in a coma for years! And even if it was true that Pure Vanilla knew all this and didn’t tell anyone about it, has it ever occurred to you that maybe he’s still grieving the loss of his friend? That maybe the reason he hasn’t told anyone is because he’s still processing it and doesn’t know how to properly say it? No matter what the goddamn situation is, that gives you no right to barge in here like some hotshot celebrity and ruin everyone’s night! That was personal information that you just revealed, and if you know as much about this as you’re letting on, I could easily call the police and claim that you’re withholding evidence! Wouldn’t that just be fucking wonderful for everyone, you behind bars being interrogated while everyone just goes on their merry way and enjoys their peaceful lives!”

“I’m sorry!” Clotted yelled back, putting his hands up in mock surrender, “I just thought they deserved to know before the real villain of this story ruins everyone’s night for real!”

Caffeine chuckled darkly. “Oh, it’s too late for bullshit apologies. You’re the villain in this story, not White Lily. Now get the hell out, and never. Come. Back.”

Caffeine released him from underneath her boot, and he was quick to run out of the bar. She then turned to her friends, who were now sitting quietly.

Hollyberry had let go of Dark Cacao, who was now sitting in his chair, trying to contain his anger while Pure Vanilla quietly sobbed into Cacao’s shoulder. Caffeine returned behind the counter.

“I’m really sorry about that guys,” she apologized, “I should’ve banned him a long time ago, you guys didn’t deserve to have to deal with that.”

“It’s okay, Caff, Hollyberry replied, “trust me, it was bound to happen eventually. I’m just glad it happened here where you’re the only one who witnessed it. You could’ve lightened up on the aggression though.”

“Well, he needed to be put in his place.” Caffeine then turned to Pure Vanilla, “Are you okay? Was any of that stuff he said true? You don’t have to tell me anything if you’re uncomfortable.”

Vanilla sniffled and nodded. “I’m okay, and what he said was true- sort of. After Almond started looking into the case, I started doing my own research as well. From what I’ve gathered, White Lily and Dark Enchantress are sisters, and while White Lily was in a coma, Dark Enchantress stole her identity to try and stay hidden from the police. I’ve given what information I gathered to Almond, though it’s not much. I’m sorry for not telling you guys, I just didn’t know how to.”

Neither of them replied, and Dark Cacao started to get up from his chair to leave.

“Wait, where are you going?” Vanilla asked, “I promise you, I never intended to hurt you, and I wanted to tell you everything!”

Cacao smiled weakly and pressed a soft kiss to Vanilla’s lips. “You did nothing wrong, love. I know you would never hurt any of us, I just need to cool off right now. I’ll see you at home.”

Dark Cacao walked out, and after a couple of minutes, Pure Vanilla left as well, leaving some cash on the counter to pay their tab. Only Hollyberry and Caffeine were left now.

“Do you want a refill?” Caffeine asked.

Hollyberry handed Caffeine her glass and nodded. “Yes please.”

“Coming right up.”

Taglist: @janayuga @c00kietin @katsunemillennium @trustymikh

[partywithponies]

Glossary of media discussion terms I invented myself and then bring up casually as though you should know what I mean (AKA Tash Translation Guide):

The Inherent Eroticism of Solving Crimes Together:

the simple fact that the kinds of common character dynamics between the two leads of any given detective or mystery or police show (i.e. trust, devotion, talk of being "partners", sneaking around together in the dead of night) are often very easily read as romantic or sexual to fandom-brained people, even if that obviously wasn't the intention. Even if one of them's already married. Even if there's a 30 year age gap. Doesn't matter

The Holliday Grainger Effect/Holliday Grainger Syndrome:

Named for the actress Holliday Grainger and the MULTIPLE TIMES she has been cast as the less attractive/less desirable narrative foil to the more conventionally attractive and desirable female lead, as though we're all supposed to pretend Holliday Grainger isn't also an incredibly beautiful woman

The Milton Keynes Conspiracy:

Named for my joke conspiracy theory about the teen soap Grange Hill, in which I claim that within the Grange Hill universe, Milton Keynes isn't actually a real place, and that whenever a character disappears suddenly with the only explanation given being that they "moved to Milton Keynes", that was just code for them having been disappeared by the government for getting too close to The Truth™️, and every time something odd or unexplained happens or something major is just brushed under the rug and forgotten about, that was all just shady alien-related government activity and all part of The Milton Keynes Conspiracy. I tend to bring up The Milton Keynes Conspiracy whenever a show's canon, continuity, or geography makes absolutely no sense under close scrutiny and the only "logical" explanations left are things like time loops or aliens or cracks in space and time or government conspiracies.

Bastard Man (Affectionate) and Bastard Man (Derogatory):

A very important distinction. The sparknotes version is that a Bastard Man (Affectionate) is a Card Carrying Bastard who does it all with charm and charisma and confidence, knows they're a bastard and takes a twisted pride in it, and is at least funny about it, while the Bastard Man (Derogatory) is just whiny and sad and won't actually admit to being a bastard man, and usually the narrative won't admit it either and keeps treating him like a tragic hero no matter what. Has a tendency to just get away with stuff with no payoff and isn't even funny about it. Shares a lot of DNA with:

Sadboy:

My absolute least favourite character archetype, though that's purely subjective and there are still SOME Sadboys I like. I know that my opinions are not universal because part of the reason I have such a visceral dislike for them is because they're often tumblr sexymancoded and I cannot escape them in the show's tags. They're wet. They're pathetic. They're miserable. And they're pretty. Usually played by a skinny pale white boy. (Like I said. Tumblr sexymancoded). And because of this, the show and the fandom alike will expect you to ignore the fact they're an awful person and excuse everything they've ever done wrong. Look, you can't be mad at them, look how sad they are about it. Look at their big wet puppydog eyes. In fact they haven't done anything wrong at all and you're crazy for saying they have. It's everyone who was mean to him who is wrong and his wife/girlfriend is a bitch for getting mad at him. He's just a sad wet little meow meow. Ugh. Disgusting. When will [REDACTED ACTORS HERE] answer for what they and their characters have done to me.

[aldeanotes]

the art of cooking

aemond / modern!reader, 16+, fluff / comedy / mild angst in later plot points. inspiration taken from kdrama mr. queen. reader is very bi and loves girls so much.  

summary: in which you are a famous young chef whose soul was transported into the body of some way too pretty and privilege noble woman. oh, and you’re supposed to marry a prince or whatever. anyway, can you test this to see if it's ready ? 

warnings: reader is batshit wild and doesn't have time for westerosi norms : )

preview

  So there you were, sitting slumped in a chair in “your” chambers, having been so effortlessly stopped in your attempted escape through the gardens by a man with silver hair and an eyepatch. With dirt caked on your dress, flower petals scattered around your unruly hair, and gods know how many scratches on your exposed arms from your clumsy maneuvering through the greenery trying to escape. The man in question sits across from you, his finger tapping on the wood of his chair, waiting and looking at the fire. You don’t even give the flames a glance as you keep glaring at him. What a punk – is all you can think. 

  For stopping you from running away from the servants who were dead set on dragging you back into these chambers, for handing you off to them without even thinking about your pleas. How dare he? And all things considered, after being told you’re engaged to a prince of all people, you’d think he’d have more consideration of that fact too. Maybe he doesn’t know who “you” are. Yeah, that’s probably it. 

  Even if you hated the new life you’d woken up to, you could flex some of your status a bit, right? Just this once. 

  “You’ve really got a lot of nerve,” you say, and the man finally gives you the time of day. 

  Even the way his single eye stares at you pisses you off. He looks at you like you’ve just exhausted all his energy for the day, and it spurns you oon to throw your weight around a bit more. 

  “I had somewhere to be –” Which was not here. “And you just handed me off like I was a sack of trash. Do you have any idea who I–”

  “I know who you are,” he cuts you off with a quick response. His voice has a certain coldness to it, but it doesn’t deter you. 

  “Oh, yeah? Then you must know I’m betrothed -” You emphasize the last word. “To a prince.” 

  You see the corner of his mouth twitch as if he found that funny. Like it was a joke to him. He cocks his head to the side slightly like he’s observing you. Alicent did that during the first initial visit to “you” after “you” woke up. 

  “It seems the Maesters were telling the truth, you are out of sorts,” he says before standing up and taking a small step closer to you. 

  Now, you were intimidated by him as he towers above you. You’re suddenly very aware of his stature – taller than you, much more muscular than you. The purple iris that peers down at you through his lashes is an eerily beautiful sight, even you must admit to it. Your fingers dig into the wooden arm chairs. You take a deep breath and your chest sticks out involuntarily. It’s a pathetic display of bravery (foolishness, more like it), and the man pays it no special attention. 

  “My lady–” You hate the way anyone calls you that. “I am your betrothed.”

  Silence settles between you two. Your eyes stare up at him, widened to their fullest. You take a slow, obnoxious, audible breath in and then–

  You proceed to laugh in his face.

[7grandmel]

Rip of the week: 25/11/2024

Slope Dude

Season 4 Episode 2 Featured on: Summer-Colored Smiles ~ The SiIvaSummer All-Star Festival Collection

Ripped by eg_9371

You may notice it's been a while since the last post, as it was with the post before it, and so on. Truth be told, the switch to weekly posting came with its own set of issues for my flow of work; mainly, that I've gotten too damn ambitious in my writing for some of these posts. I'm incredibly happy with the end results of a lot of them and feel more confident in being able to wholeheartedly recommend reading any of my post-hiatus posts than I do a majority of my pre-hiatus posts...but it also means that I'm met with self-induced hurdles on how and what to write about. I can't just cover a rip that I just find funny and neat; It has to be historical, it has to be magnificent, it has to have immaculate pathos, has to tie into the SiIvaGunner spirit or whatever else I find myself waxing on about...

No, you know what? Screw it. I'm behind on my posts anyway. We're doing a simple goodie today. Writing the same day it's posted, of a rip I just keep returning to for a good laugh, with no strings attached. Old-school style. Slope Dude.

Back on Lagplane, I mused a bit about the novelty of memes that leave us almost as quickly as they arrive, the consequences of the intensely rapid meme economy born from modern social media. It was a lot of waffling to justify writing about a flamboyant Andrew Tate impersonator, but it's hardly as if these trend-based jokes are a new occurrence on SiIva. I'm reminded of how 2016 saw a handful of rips poking fun at then-notorious online figure Keemstar, for instance – but perhaps stranger than these, are when jokes on SiIva crop up without any recent relevancy, are incredibly prominent for the length of a season or so, and then fade away just as suddenly as they appeared. Unlike Stuck Inside of FEEL SO FINE STUCK INSIDE fame, unlike the Mad Mew Mew Becoming Uncanny rips, unlike so many other jokes on the channel...the appearance of Game Dude on SiIvaGunner throughout Season 4 felt as if it came out of nowhere, made even stranger by just how limited its presence felt. We got a handful of rips, a bunch of appearances in medley rips, a cameo in a lore video, and then the tune was out just as quickly as it had entered. No relevancy, no big explosive tie to the themes or intent of Season 4 Episodes 1 or 2 in particular; just a silly theme with a handful of rippers who decided to play around with it.

Part of me wonders, akin to rips like old town ribbon race, just how much of the appeal of the joke here becomes lost without whollistic knowledge of its lore. The tale of Game Dude is one of the internet's many bizarre sidequests, long overdue for a YouTube video essay a la HBomberGuy's body of work to truly bring it all to light, yet for now still remaining obscure enough to only be spread in whispers between those who know. It was the kind of thing I myself was given the "privilege" of uncovering on my own terms after first watching a Game Grumps episode built entirely on indirectly mocking him and growing all-too-curious about what he's up to; one of many Angry Video Nerd Clones trying and failing ever so badly at being funny playing bad video games, Game Dude's last legacy online would be to be known as the guy who fled his home state when called to court over stalking his ex-girlfriend. It gives the imagery of a bumbling, somewhat pathetic figure, someone who tried and failed to find online fame through poor mimicry and wound up unable to take proper responsibility for themselves. Like the aforementioned Lagplane, it adds just that extra aura to the theme song attached to the character, the original intro to his theme songs; once a song with the levity focused on the games and show now feels as if its mocking the very person making the videos themselves. Indeed, few things are as certain as life, death, and the Nostalgia Critic effect.

All that is to say, that I get a lot of amusement from the Game Dude theme, and of all its handful of rips focusing exclusively on it I think eg_9371 hit the nail right on the head with Slope Dude. There's no gimmicks, twists or turns; its as simple as a melodyswap/arrangement rip can be, an Outertale or Jesus of the Underground that trades in the pathos and nostalgia for a complete commitment to the silliness of the bit. Slope from Super Mario RPG, like much of the game's soundtrack, already has such a bombastically silly tone to it; the buildup to the main melody finally kicking in at 0:14 in particular sells the joke so much harder, a marching band drum roll all to introduce the fucking Game Dude theme. The instrumentation feels absolutely perfect for the tune and is matched equally as perfectly by the context said tune appears in in the game, running after Booster up a slope midway through the game. The hummability of the melody, the context of Game Dude's situation and the silliness of the sound means the jokes write themselves; as one commenter says, "He is the Game Dude // He is so rude // He flees the country // when his court date is due".

As per expected of eg_9371 and his ripping prowess, Slope Dude is about as pitch perfect as it could be, an idea pursued to its logical endpoint much like Forest of Tears or dong music. Regardless of scale or time invested, the rip ends up being enjoyable in such a simple way, applying the perfect amount of levity applicable to such an absurd figure of YouTube's past. It's likely a lot of SiIva viewers completely forgot that Game Dude was at one small point considered a reoccurring meme on the channel, and he never quite got anywhere past his introduction the same way something like the similar-in-spirit Minecraft With Gadget of Season 2 got with Become as Gadget. Yet the small handful of rips featuring him were still there, all condensed all into Season 4 Episode 2 in particular; and though he's likely to remain forgotten by most fans, I'll remain a loyal Game Dude – and Slope Dude – fan until nobody else remains.

[kaibutsushidousha]

How would you rank the Pokemon champions and villain bosses?

1) N: The most written character in all of Pokémon.

2) Guzma: Nothing in Pokémon made me feel things as much as first visiting Po Town did. That plus his background tidbits form a very sympathetic loser I care for a lot.

3) Lusamine: The tragedy of her family is delightful on all of its members, but Lusamine is certainly the weakest link to it due to being more of a perpetrator than a victim. I also love both of her designs, with her Nihilego form being easily the second-best-looking Pokémon woman, behind on Valerie.

4) Maxie and Archie: Accidental comedy duo. Their goals are stupid in the most endearing and memeable ways, and their reactions to the consequences of their actions somehow still manage to be a resonating moment. Ranking them separately is silly, but if I had to, Maxie is the best for his general pretentiousness, inside jokes, and being the Jouji voice in Master Sex.

5) Blue: The rival becoming the Champion for 5 minutes is a perfect endpoint of a rival arc and every one of Blue's successors, even the ones that are better characters than him, suffer from not being the one who pulled this off. Raticate-based content is also often good.

6) Alder: A cool design can carry you a long way. Seriously, he nails the wandering monk aesthetic so neatly. Volcarona, Reuniclus, and Chandelure are also sublime picks. And I love how his contributions to the plot are meaningful advice rather than the more distant and professional company that Wallace and Cynthia offer.

7) Rose: Funny anxiety man, arguably cuter and more memeable than the Hoenn villains, only lower than them because of how messily the Galar finale is delivered. Immense bonus points for his part as an accessory to Bede's character.

8) Wallace: Like with Alder, a cool design can carry you a long way. Milotic as an ace is also an immense plus. I suppose Emerald also makes him useful, but if that was a major factor, Cynthia would have been a lot higher.

10) Lance: Having the second-to-last boss become a sequel final boss always has a big feeling of downgrade, but that's offset well enough by making him cool in the Red Gyarados arc and his relationship with Clair.

11) Cynthia: Infodump character for Sinnoh mythology, which is not nearly as interesting as it should have been. Gets some points for the generally great choices of Pokémon and for actually feeling powerful in gameplay.

12) Kukui: Funny professor with a lot of presence but none very memorable. Being the Champion fight, and a surprisingly challenging one, is a big shock, but nothing really amazing on further thought.

13) Archer: Pathetic underling, therefore immediately more interesting than his nothingburger boss.

14) Leon: Dude that game insistently tries to sell as cool but never actually gets to be cool. Only above Steven because he's the one who gets to make the poignant commentaries on Sword/Shield's themes and because he's genuinely good as an accessory to Hop's arc.

15) Steven: Generic champion that never gets to be interesting, but gets points for only having cool Pokémon in his team.

16) Cyrus: Gets points for being memeable but not enough to compensate for how unfun his actual character is. Being soulless by design doesn't make it meaningful when the Sinnoh games are not saying anything about emotion.

17) Ghetsis: Plot device to make N innocent. Only above Giovanni because I like some Pokémon in his team.

18) Giovanni: Just a yakuza boss without any fun projects. The Gym Leader twist was a wow thing on the first run but never amounts to anything, like with Kukui being the Champion fight. Did he ever interact with Silver? Not in anything I played, I think.

19) Diantha: Has the bare minimum story presence and doesn't even use it well.

20) Lysandre: Has one of the stupidest villain plans, made even more ridiculous by the version differences between X and Y, but his aesthetic and delivery are so bad that it manages to make it not funny.

[reinadelvudu]

Hello! Sorry for jumping on and using you like a Romy therapist lol and thanks for making it a safe space for people to have negative views of the characters and ship even when you like them and the ship itself, not a lot of Rogue fans can take that. You’d think you’d burnt their house down because you don’t think Rogue is a blameless victim haha. Very much yikes!

Rogue fans are the reason I no longer like her character not that I was very invested in her to begin with. They use the excuse that Gambit is a cheat and abusive which is, wild really but okay. Sure, Remy did cheat like what once? When they weren’t very serious and in an on off like any other times in their mess of a “relationship.” Gambit is a bit of a dick when he’s first introduced, loose morals but making out Rogue is a victim under his spell when she was super manipulative and gaslighting from the start is something I’ll never accept from her fans. She leads him on, pushes him away then makes out like he’s the bad guy. They were both immature and messy. Gambit has never been abusive, pushy definitely especially when the writers hated him but he’s never abused anyone, if anything Rogue is the abuser but that’s okay because cardboard feminism rules and equality means nothing. Mentally, emotionally and even on occasion physically she’s messed him up so bad. She never supported him and never got to know him even when they were supposedly best friends. Remy would die for Rogue… Rogue is indifferent to him unless she wants something. There’s no actual love there. She doesn’t trust him ever even when they’re married and they just feel… pointless. Soap opera worthy with a lacklustre end. Gambit had more spark with Danger the robot than he’s ever had with Rogue.

I just can’t get my head around them. It’s such a forced ship in my opinion. It feels like she’s jealous of him at the start for being able to touch and get out there in a way that she can’t do and then when she finally got to touch she didn’t even want Gambit. They have a north-south relationship. Like two magnets never destined to be together. Never able to connect. That’s how I see them. And now Gambit is more mature and past his fling-loose moral part of life they have nothing. Early Romy sure, I guess I can see the appeal, the drama of it all was entertaining but when they parted ways it should have stuck. It’s no coincidence that Gambit is only worth reading when Rogue isn’t involved, his solos without her (some) were fantastic. His growth in X-23 2010-12 as a person, X-Man and friend was his best era and for me it was ruined when they shoved him back under Rogue’s boot again. He’ll never flourish with her, ever. There’s just nothing there for them but bad memories mixed with a little ‘if only’. I agree with a lot of people who are turning away from Romy about Rogue not caring for Remy let alone loving him. It’s been consistent for her to want him for a good time then dropping him to do her own thing until she gets bored and it makes Gambit look pathetic. He’s not the type of guy to hang around on a whim for a woman who won’t ever appreciate him.

I think for both of them they should just be solo characters or in teams that aren’t together. I don’t think any ship even the ones I like for either would change much. People have it in their heads now that Gambit is the walk all over boyfriend/husband who you can do anything to and he’ll stick around when he’s had decades of canon where he knows when to let go and move on in a healthy way. He isn’t the bitter type even if he still has love in his heart but the way she has always treated him is a joke. He’s been turned into a joke that isn’t even funny it’s just sad. Their marriage was so rushed and off the wall it made no sense and really feels like it was done just to shut the Romy fans up and I don’t think that’s very fair. That’s what variants and multiverses are for, 616 shouldn’t be a sitcom for certain favs to do what they like while other characters suffer for it. We’ve got so little good Gambit content that he might as well not even be a character anymore.

Want my king of thieves back and right now it feels like that’s never going to happen.

You can use me as a therapist anytime anon. ''Gambit had more spark with Danger the robot than he's ever had with Rogue.'' I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Rogue is not a blameless victim, and it needs to be said and that's ok! Of course Gambit doesn't piss holy water either. Everything you said is so true it hurts. Being a romy fan is terribly stressful. It's incredible how they can't respect the essence of the characters nor do they know how to handle a mature couple FOR THE LOVE OF ALL GODS IT'S NOT DIFFICULT AT ALL!!!!!!

I also want my king of thieves back 😭

[atopvisenyashill]

I love how HotD has Aegon just be as pathetic as a wet cat (he didn't need to be raping the maids) but the idea that he is a dragon dreamer a la Daeron the Drunk will not stop leaving my head. And his grand plan to stop the Dance, marry someone completely unsuitable and have legitimate children and plug up the succession line while Dad is still kicking it.

Not sure if wife is A) sweet peasant girl B) Dornish acknowledged bastard or C) daughter of a minor minor castle guard. Either way, the vows were said and scandal happens. Crisis not averted by hijinks.

I am one of the few people that actually thought all the more fucked up writing decisions were a good idea alsdfj (the ones everyone seems to have an issue with are Aegon being a rapist, Viserys having a child bride, and Daemon choking Rhaenyra but. Gaemon Palehair came from somewhere, the Targaryen look is uncommon in canon!, also Viserys literally has a child bride in the books, and I think establishing that Daemyra is starting this war irrevocably broken is a fun turn). I do think Aegon (and all the kids) suffered from only being in like two episodes as an adult, and while Ty Tennant is an amazing young Aegon, they don't let him do anything besides be a joke or get slapped around by his parents. They needed to stretch the timeline out so we got several episodes with Ty!Aegon, and have the penultimate slaughter be the Harrenhal fire/Laena's death, and the last episode be the Driftmark fight. We could get a final scene with the boys and the twins in their final form (lmao) to introduce them if they really wanted!!

BUT. TO YOUR AU BEFORE I START RANTING EVEN MORE. I love the idea of an Aegon-As-Dragon-Dreamer AU, that's a really fun one! Aegon being a dreamer and deciding the way out of the Dance is to make himself unsuitable as an heir by marrying scandalously and having a million kids so they can't annul his marriage is honestly exactly the sort of hare brained scheme I can see a depressed, neglected, drunken idiot coming up with, hah (respectfully to this man but he is a mess).

Now if we're talking what he can get away with...he's never gonna be able to marry a sweet peasant girl. Otto will have that girl killed so fucking fast it's not even funny - I know Jenny of Oldstones was able to marry Duncan the Small, but Egg was someone who actually saw the smallfolk as people and I am confident Otto is not that enlightened! More likely, a peasant girl would face Tysha's fate - something violent and gendered for not knowing her place. If she's lucky, she's pressed into the faith like Meg was. Possible Aegon realizes this and abandons the idea of a peasant girl for a wife but I think it's possible he tries to elope, gets caught, and the girl is punished. Regardless of how it happens, Aegon will eventually realize he needs someone who is not just unsuitable but also has a family that will protect her from his own, and maybe even has their own castle that he can hide out in (out of sight, out of mind, right?).

This means an acknowledged Dornish bastard is his best route (or any acknowledged bastard, but Dornish will piss a lot of people off so it's the safest bet). If he really wants to go for unsuitable, he's looking to the Dornish Marchers for a bastard girl to marry because of the bad blood between all the Marcher Lords in the area - Blackmont (the Vulture King was rumored to be a Blackmont bastard), Fowler, Manwoody, Yronwood, or Wyl (the Wyls are responsible for the brutal massacre at an Oakheart wedding), plus there's the Daynes who are close by and known for being menaces and the Ullers who are powerful and known for being insane (Ellaria's father is an Uller). If there's a suitable Blackmont, Wyl, Dayne, or Uller bastard girl, I would say that is his best chance. Any Dornish girl and Dornish ruling lord who agrees to this is likely to be someone with a strong will, understanding they're about to get thrown into a wild political scene. Because as you said, crucially, he's trying to get himself effectively disinherited while forcing Aemond so far down in the line of succession that there's no hope of crowning him. Whatever girl he marries has to understand she will never be Queen, his family will be hostile to her and her children, but he will protect them, with Sunfyre if need be. I think Sunfyre will factor a lot into this courtship actually; being told that you'll be protected by the most beautiful dragon who is known to have a particularly close bond with your suitor is probably convincing enough that she'd be willing to risk the danger for a chance at having legitimate children with someone incredibly high born.

There is the risk of people at Court feeling the Targaryens are getting ~too Dornish~ which is honestly really funny and may be a point Aegon can use in his favor - if his father is insisting on some sort of dornish, absolute primogeniture, why not just go for broke and marry a dornish bastard? He could use the marriage to gain an in with Rhaenyra or Jacaerys if he wants, or simply avoid them all together so as to not tip Otto and Alicent off that he's actively sabotaging his own rule.

[hello-god-its-me-sara]

Sara’s miscellaneous complaints about TDI over the years

anti cassandra clare and anti will herondale

[from 2021]

I think we should've gotten more insight into how abusive and manipulative Benedict was to his kids, not just bc I'm a Gabriel Lightwood apologist but because maybe if we saw just how horribly Tatiana was treated instead of the one incident where she's a sobbing mess, she'd be a bit more tragic instead of another villain. Like, she went insane and wasn't offered any help via the enclave or her family. But I also think the Lightwood boys were underdeveloped in TID bc Gabriel was a brat and Gideon was never shown to like be racist and stuff and grow out of it he's just a good cinnamon roll. Gabriel was traumatized by the abandonment of his brother and the transformation of his father into a demon worm. But we're just going to casually ignore that

Like I know Tessa's the pov but I'm not asking for a lot. You think Will wouldn't be the person dropping small things like "we couldn't get away with this if Gideon were here" or "Gabriel tries so hard to be like his brother, but he's just annoying" and then later holding it over Gideon's head "ah remember when Gideon thought [insert something racist]" or "I miss when you were the mean one". And Jem offering small commentary to clarify what Will's talking about. Like what would really be funny is if when Cecily arrives Will jokes that he'd rather she marry Gabriel then even be around Gideon (because it's so unfathomable to him that something like that would happen) so it's funnier in the epilogue when he trashes Gabriel at their wedding with a reverse comment. And Charlotte knows Benedict. She might only be 3 years older than Gideon but she's still an adult. She would've seen the shit Benedict was pulling. She's supposed to be motherly and empathetic to all. Where's the side chastactions to Will for being cruel to Gideon or Gabriel bc she knows what they've grown up with and what Benedict does to them? OR where she vehemently defends Tatiana bc the poor thing's grown up sheltered and controlled her whole life. Where's Gabriel's mental breakdown after finding out his mother killed herself bc of his father, being abandoned by his brother, and then watching the deterioration of his father before having to fight the demonic remains? (all in like what? a week? a month maybe?) I think Gideon's this very black and white person, meaning he's quick to strongly switch positions on things. Like I think he probably adapted very quickly to the idea that Benedict soiled the Lightwood name and he has to fix it and thus attempts to disassociate everything his father ever did. While Gabriel is a very grey person and mildly clouded by his own feelings. I think even after he accepts that his father is horrible he struggles to disavow everything. I think Gideon fully disowned his sister while Gabriel constantly got into hot water attempting to reach out to her (he tried to fight Will for reading her diary publicly, you think after traumatically losing both his parents he would just casually let go of his baby sister?).

...

basically nothing happened to Tatiana and that's my point, Cassie just pulls it out of nowhere. in CP2 demon benedict eats Robert and Tatiana isn't trained so she can't do anything but scream (btw she's like the same age as Cecily so she's married off at ~15-16, btw she was already pregnant with Jesse). Tess just drags her off to safety, mentally berates her for being useless and pathetic and that's basically all (I think she's handed off to the Blackthorns to deal with?). In Bane Chonicles she attempts to higher Magnus to kill.... Will? I forgot but he says no. That's where we learn about Grace and that Tatiana basically went insane bc she was ostracized. She's mad she did everything she was told i.e. sit still, look pretty, and be a good wife, and she was punished for it. This poor neglected and abused girl was then traumatized and ostracized by her entire family and community and no on, no one tried to help her? she was a child, she was a fucking child and no one tried to help her. Cassie tries to make her selfish and manipulative but that's because it's the only way she knows how to try to help herself. She wasn't brought back to the Institute with her brothers, she was carted off to her parents in law. I refuse to believe that Charlotte Branwell in all her motherly clairvoyant glory didn't take one look at this hysterical mess of a child and burn down heaven to try to help her. I refuse to believe that Gabriel Lightwood didn't fight tooth and nail to continuously reach out and try to support his baby sister. The lightwoods had a huge chance to be a wonderful exploration of abuse, trauma, betrayal, and found family but they were completely wasted. All of them are 2 dimensional as hell and no one appreciates them. and it pisses me off.

[from 2022]

I keep thinking about it and I'm really pissed off Cassie cowardly backed off from making Gideon a massive dick because she has some vendetta against Gabriel, like there are really weird moments when he seems more consistent, like when they get back to the institute from the club and he slams Gabriel up against a wall

like damn Gideon you didn't even try to talk it out first and overall he's kind of controlling over Gabriel, very condescending and patronizing but then Cassie's like "oop but he can't be mean to anyone else or how will everyone root for him to end up with Sophie?" but it's never pointed out as a contradiction of his personality

[except from clockwork princess] “I said be quiet.” Gideon slammed his brother’s shoulders back against the wall, hard enough for Gabriel to let out a gasp of pain.

Jesus Fucking Christ Gideon you just assault your brother like that like it's normal, and look at Gabriel he gets slammed up against a wall and doesn't think twice about it, I'd say it is normal based on that reaction, oh Gabriel why are you so oblivious

and then Gabriel explains himself and suddenly Gideon is hugging him and cooing that everything will be fine

[another except] “Would you believe me,” he said bitterly, “if I told you it was? Because it is the truth.” Gideon was still for a long moment. Then Gabriel found himself hauled forward, his face mashed into the wet wool of Gideon’s overcoat while his brother held him tightly, murmuring, “All right, little brother. It’s going to be all right,” as he rocked them both back and forth in the rain.

Gideon that's abuse, that like literally gaslighting or something

[different excerpt] “It is not in my brother’s nature, though, to expect to be forgiven. For anything. He understands only the strictest discipline. He may think Charlotte is trying to play a trick on him, or that she is mad. She showed him to a room he could have, but I think the entire business frightened him. He came to speak to me about it, and fell asleep.” Gideon sighed, looking at his brother with a mixture of fondness, exasperation, and sorrow that made Sophie’s heart beat in sympathy.

that right there is the description of growing up with an abusive parent

Cassie just drops these things and then never brings them up again

…

Herondales are massive dicks and they give me cocky pretty boi complex. Will was nearly insufferable, tho low key I kinda ship him and Gabriel enemies to lovers never fully recognized

Will's whole being a dick on purpose thing never worked for me because he was still a massive dick to people he didn't like even though he caused them to dislike him in the first place. Also his friendship with Jem was like really condescending and pitying? "oh I guess I have to be friends with the dying boy"

I don't understand why Cassie hated him [Gabriel] so much I think he was based off of someone she hated

…

remember how Will fucking read Tatiana's diary in front of everyone and Gabriel tried to beat his ass (like he should) and instead Will broke his arm 1. Tatiana never should've been a character 2. Will then broke Gabriel's arm after Will was purposefully being provoking, if you start a fight you deserve to get your face punched. Also, I know that Gabriel tried to start a fight but like how did it end in his arm getting broke? like what the fuck did Will do? they were 12? 13? I know they're training to be shadwohunters but like it had to have been just a small little fist fight right? what was Will doing that he broke Gabriel's arm?

I mean I never expected for Tatiana to get justice because Cassie hates her but like Will violated her privacy in front of a whole party of people. Cassie originally described it as 'taking her honor' or something, I remember people asking Cassie about Will taking her virginity and Cassie was like 'whoa, not that bad I promise' and then she changed it from what she probably had planned. still mad the Lightwood children were obviously abused by Benedict and Cassie decided they get to be the antagonists

…

Will didn’t deserve such an easy redemption. He should’ve had his ass handed to him several times and actually earn a redemption. The way we were supposed to forgive him. He finds out his curse is fake and suddenly he’s all nice and everyone is like “wow that was really hard for you you’re forgiven” Bitch no! A dick is a dick is a dick is a dick. And he never apologizes to anyone either? Like he just explains and then everyone is like I forgive you that’s a valid reason. He’s fucking been antagonizing several people particularly the lightwoods for years but somehow will isn’t the one at fault for the sour relationship they have. Will is so fucking stupid and at the heart of it he’s disrespectful too.

Spoiled little shit. His mom was like a duchess or something he had money growing up. Jen’s parents were literally killed, Will chose to run away. The lightwood boys had their mom commit suicide and their dad turn into a demon worm they had to kill. Jessamine’s parents also died and she was forced to live in [the equivalent of] a military institute against her will. Tessa’s aunt died and she was betrayed by her brother. WILL HAS BOTH PARENTS AND HALF OF HIS SISTERS I REALLY DONT KNOW WHY WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE CRYING OVER HIM IN PARTICULAR

I cannot stress how much will giving up his family because he was stupid is not the same thing as losing your family to actual fucking death. Will just surrounded by literal orphans all like “oh whoa is me” Bitch I ain’t cared for you since day one!

[from 2023]

Cassie really hated them, she did them wrong several times, she specifically hated Gabriel and Tatiana but she just dropped the ball with the entire family. I've said this to my friend before, like she had this problem with Jessamine too, is that Cassie just really hates domesticity like within the canon of her books. Like the way she punishes it is just so bizarre. Like Jessamine was made this nasty awful girl. She's like barely 18 her parents  were killed and she just she just wants to be a mundane right? She just wants to be a wife she wants to escape and yeah she's spoiled and everything but like what's wrong with her not wanting to be a shadowhunter? And you know, we know how Jasmine ends up. Tatiana was specifically not trained, like Benedict did not train her on purpose. We learned that later in the Bane Chronicles. And yet she's made the villain of  the last hours?

Anyway, can we talk about how Will was purposely and antagonizing dick to everyone around him? And yeah I know he had an excuse but still. Like I don't remember when Gabriel found out about it. Also everyone acts like Gabriel was in the wrong for being mad at Will for things that Will specifically did on purpose to be mean. And don't even get me started on the fact that the Lightwoods were very much abused. Like canonically.

First of all we have Tatiana getting married at like 15. But also Gabriel is  just completely normalized to violence and neglect. When Charlotte offers him a room at the Institute and he's like expecting something from her and she's like, “no, you just you, you get a room. You're a child who had like, his parents die, you know, I guess we can't turn you out.” And he later he goes to Gideon and has to break down about it because he's not used to kindness without something in return.Or the fact that like after he agrees to the Console and agrees to spy on Charlotte, Gideon fucking hauls him around the side of the institute, shoves him up against the wall, hard enough that that hurts. And it's from Gabriel's point of view. He does not comment on it at all. He's just like “okay, this is normal.” 

Meanwhile, I don't ever remember Gabriel finding out, nor do I remember Will apologizing for being as ass, and in fact, like he just continues to bully him relentlessly. Another thing that annoyed me is that Gideon was never mean? A lot of people get confused when I say that but remember that before Gideon was introduced Jem described him as ‘making Gabriel look sweet as gingerbread.’ But then we meet him and he’s all fixed which is absolutely ridiculous. Like one of the things people hold over Gabriel’s head is that he didn’t leave Benedict to go with his brother but Gideon literally had months away from his father while Gabriel had everything dumped on his all at once. He was confronted with the information that Benedict gave Barbra a demon STD and that’s what drove her to kill herself and then it’s like “okay Gabriel stay with the only parent you have left or abandon him” with no nuance given to him for the situation. And then he has to fight demon worm Benedict and does pretty good at not letting his feelings get in the way of fighting it. (Even Will comments on it, it’s like one of the rare times Cassie is onto something. Gideon is screaming at Gabriel for being reckless or something or holding back and Will thinks ‘well Gabriel did just shoot the thing in the eye’)

Gideon was only mean to Gabriel with okay, yeah I like that actually but follow through??? It’s never called on, it's just there. It’s not a character flaw, it's never mentioned by like any other character. You could interpret this as Gideon still holding onto his more toxic habits from his father (which would be realistic) but it’s not character development it’s just there for Cassie to continue to shit on Gabriel.

[beevean]

Man its just that the average nfcv fan vision of the belmonts is a human centipede. You grab the og belmonts, you kno the good hearted almost superhuman warriors who fought and killed Dracula time and time again, let nfcv turn them into regular vampire hunters that are framed as morally gray bc "muh poor vampires :(", and who are cynical jerks that don't do much of anything. And then you let the fandom bully them into the ground bc haha loser men and muh girlbosses.

And its kinda weird bc its also often making fun of them due to their traumas? Like yea maybe alcoholism due to losing your entire family at a young age isnt a joke you know. Or seeing your mother get killed in front of you as a child. Yes ofc you can make fun of dark stuff i'd be lynched as a hypocrite if i said you cant, but the way its done and how continuous it is... irrespectful? Like they dont respect the serious aspects of the character and legit think they suck for having horrible things happen to them? Im bad at gauging jokes like that but... yea (they just dont know how to bully fictional characters unlike us who throw Isaac off a 10 stories building everyday <3)

In any case, N! Trevor and N! Richter do not deserve that sort of treatment already, and much less their mainline counterparts :/

And regarding girlbosses, they way ppl need to put down their men to show how cool the girls are just, reeks of insecurity to me? Why does having a "loser dumb wife guy" makes her a girlboss? Why would a confident gal need a loser to take care of instead of a good partner were both compliment eachother's strong and weak points? Maybe im being a bit dramatic here, but it carries off a similar mentality to sexist guys that need to put down their gal's accomplishments to feel well Plus, the way how fandoms still revolve around said loser guys and how a lot of the times the writing itself makes the girlboss character a compliment or a motivation for the man without depth for herself makes it all feel performative. Just write a normal character with character traits who happens to be a woman ffs :/

It's incredible. NFCV alone feels like a shitty fanfiction, full of those fanfic tropes that would make me close immediately: flanderization, wimpification of "pretty" male characters, thirsting, juvenile wit, spotlight-stealing OCs, gratuituous sex and SA treated with the finesse of a charging hippo. Then you let the fandom fandomify this shitty fanfic even more, and the result is just a disaster, a kiddie pool of the most baffling misconceptions you could see.

Just to make one example, Trevor in the games is a noble but ruthless hunter, both friendly and fierce, fighting for mankind yet wanting respect yet gladly giving credit to his friends; in the show, he's a washed out Bojack Horseman-esque asshole, who despite his cynicism admittedly attempts to do the right thing when push comes to shove; and according to fandom he's pretty much a funny penis man with two braincells, Sypha and Alucard. the scene where he punches Dracula and he goes "you must be the Belmont" became a meme for a reason :^)

And yeah you're right that the fandom doesn't seem to. like the Belmonts much. But then again, they're acting like the show wants them to :) The writing doesn't take Trevor's alcoholism seriously, so they don't, alcoholism is a funny joke that makes people silly and just a tad pathetic (and it's not a serious addiction and symptom of larger problems no sir). Richter is a goofball who cries in a corny way, so it's easy to laugh at him - and that's when fans don't say that Julia deserved to die for being a "colonizer". Lenore is sexualized to hell and back, so the fans thirst for her and they think that Hector must thirst for her too, and look, wasn't her death so prettly tragic, maybe she was a good person after all!

The way fandoms treat girl characters nowadays is... barely an improvement over the 2000s when Amy would be called a slut for having a backless dress. Now it's all about how stronk and kewl and queens and girlbosses they are. And you can't criticize the writing of a female character because "just say you hate women 🙄", even when the said character is a female victim of abuse who was written by a molester as a smug radfem whose personality never goes beyond "i want to steal from men because men bad" *coughcoughcough*

The show itself is regressive when it comes to its female characters. They're all the damn same. They're either spunky sassy gals who put their men in their place, or evil but hot dommy mommies (Striga and Morana don't fit the mold because they're not characters). Most of them are magic users, even those who in the games were normal women. I will forever stand by my point that Annette did not need to be a metal bender, and if the writers truly cared, they could have fleshed out the skeleton provided by RoB. But they didn't. Because girl power!!! but only if you're conventionally "badass" and have a "strong" attitude.

[zhouxiangs]

(2/2)

And the clearest example is how he’s aware of Way’s feelings for him, has been for a while, but not only is he very dismissive of them (picture their hallway conversation when Way is clearly emotional and upset and for the first time actually addresses the elephant in the room (which takes a lot of courage), only for Babe to be all ‘yeah I know – ugh did you have to actually say it out loud?? - but, like…Charlie! Now let me caress your shoulder while I reassure you we’re still best buds!’ or the way he reacts like it’s all a bit tiresome whenever someone else brings it up) - Babe makes a conscious choice to NOT discuss it with Way, and more importantly to NOT draw any boundaries tween them. At best he’s just being extremely careless with Way’s feelings, especially when he jokes about them being bfs, but at worst, one could argue that his flirtatiousness is in fact an intentional manipulation of said feelings in order to keep Way where he wants him, which is at his beck and call. Babe doesn’t care to look any deeper because there’s nothing in it for him – as long as he has Way by his side, adoring him, he’s satisfied. Any awkward niggling thoughts about how actually this probably isn’t a healthy dynamic and this guy needs to get a life outside of me and in retrospect it’s a little strange that I know literally nothing about him get pushed aside in order to maintain that status quo.

Now, unlike half the characters in this show, I’m capable of self-reflection: I know that I could extend some of the sympathy I have for Way due to his shitty past (and present) to Babe, and speculate that Babe’s selfishness, his need to keep Way with him even if it’s detrimental to Way’s wellbeing, is merely a consequence of his own shitty past, his fear of being alone; that his inability to deal with this situation is a result of his own emotional maladjustment at Tony’s hands. That’s all very likely to be true. BUT! Babe has the whole internet ready to kill for him, so sorry but he doesn’t need me to do the same! What can I say - I feel obligated to stick up for the underdog, no matter how much of a fucked up wrong’un said underdog might be! (Of course there’s also the entirely plausible possibility that all this is just the fault of shoddy writing - as long as characters keep repeating that this really is a deep and wholesome and 100% reciprocated friendship then we the audience are duty-bound to believe it!)

In conclusion (if you got this far - apologies!): Way is a pathetic but tragic character who didn’t deserve the hand he was dealt (but does deserve lifelong therapy), whose motivations are much more complex and heart-wrenching than many seem able/willing to recognise/acknowledge. Babe is selfish and a shitty friend, but that is perhaps understandable given his experiences. SA (and mind-fucking your friend) is NEVER excusable, no matter how awful your life or how bad your daddy issues; neither is it EVER the fault of the victim. All of these things can be true at the same time, and it wouldn’t hurt to remember that.

Your Honour, I rest my case!

P. S. Internet, please don't be mad at me! Everyone's of course entitled to their own opinion (variety is the spice of life and all that!) and the remaining eps might totally destroy this interpretation, but at the end of the day, it's just a show, and I'm just a socially anxious contrarian overthinker with a penchant for well-acted morally dubious pretty boys!

i think i tend to be more positive/look for the more favourable explanation and so my opinion on the hallway conversation (which: hurty) is that babe is extreeeemely unprepared to talk about feelings. which is funny because his friendship with way reads as very intense to me, and they’re pretty dramatic with their words too? but it’s clear babe has no experience in this area, both talking about it and feeling it, and it shows precisely in how careless he is with way’s feelings. and again, the jokes about being bfs babe i will hunt you down you cannot be this dense! please! but also i don’t think he would see anything unhealthy in how powerful way’s attachment to him is because i think, up until charlie showed up, they both acted like that with each other. (my poor way…)

don’t apologise! this has taken me five million hours to reply to but it has been worth every. second. and honestly while as i’ve just said i don’t totally agree with your interpretation of babe and his actions and feelings towards way i do think you make great points and can see why you’re interpreting something in a different way than i do. also i love to read what people are thinking. meta is my favourite thing in the world, so unless it’s something horrifying to me i am going to enjoy it lol