#I is alive
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STILL ALIVE BTW
quick update of where ive been-
gonna go study abroad! im juggling preparing and working at my job for that hehe
Artfight! Ill post all my attacks on here once its over, but its going really well!
overall taking a break from social media. Some issues at home were taking a toll so i just needed to chill from updating this blog for a while
Still writing Scars and Scales! progress is slow but steady (still very sorry for that cliffhanger ekafdsjfklljk-
Working on OC stuff and some art courses! I've been working on organizing a webcomic and studying some animation classes, so the usual DCA and other video game content is slow but im sure the hyperfixation is gonna kick in again hehe
But yeah, that's about it! sorry about not responding to asks or mentions, ill check in on those and try to keep up with this blog more often
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If life is a never ending loop of dirty dishes and laundry then that means life is a never ending loop of home cooked meals and comfy clean clothes
#and i live by that#life is just life#ok ren go to bed ‼️#life is a constant loop of worry but also a constant loop of support#a constant loop of love and connections#thats what it is to be alive#omg period cramp ok good night#ren won't shut up#mood ruined ouchie
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having viral posts is all fun and games until you have clowns in your mentions being like "well, op, i bet you also didn't know THIS" [haughtily explains something i absolutely would and do know] like add whatever to my posts that you think is informative just don't direct it at ME! i know! i just didn't include it in the post i made in 20 seconds because i didn't think 30,000 of you would see it!
#you dont have to tell me TSA didnt exist before 9/11. i know. im a milennial. i was alive then. thank you ❤️#🌲.txt
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I'm sorry, but I'm just too fucking old to pretend that the presidential ticket of "Person who performed some of the first gay marriages in her state while it was still federally illegal" and "governor who created a trans refuge state while other states were making it illegal to transition" is somehow 'jUsT aS bAd foR QuEer pEopLe' as the ticket promising to reverse marriage equality and make trans healthcare next to impossible.
That is such a monumentally stupid opinion that I'm going to have a hard time believing that you're actually that stupid, and I'll probably just assume you're malicious.
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guys i actually beg of you to not let palestine become an unpleasant flashback, a transient tumblr trend, a hasbeen subject that just faded away. as an arab—and specifically iraqi—girl, i know what it feels like to have family displaced all over the world as a result of western imperialism. i know what it feels like to not be able to step foot into your homeland because it’s no longer safe. as an american iraqi, raised in the us and insulated from my roots, it wasn’t until last summer that i was able to visit iraq for the first time, and even then my family was worried for my safety—in my own blood country. although nothing like what palestinians are experiencing right now, it might be the tiniest semblance of what it feels like to watch your country disintegrate in front of you.
and this is a universal arab experience. i volunteer weekly at a refugee center that serves middle eastern refugees, and every day i see the longing in their eyes when they speak of where they hail from. it’s safe to say that we will be getting a wave of palestinian refugees very soon: just another generation of arabs who can’t inhabit their own country.
arab culture is so rich, so profound, so beautiful. i am tired of being told by the world—through literal genocide—that it doesn’t mean anything. please never let this be forgotten. free palestine. free palestine. free palestine.
#i can’t describe the way being alive through this has changed me but i will never be the same#palestine#israel#gaza
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"life doesnt get better, you just get stronger" does NOT include ages 11-17. life does in fact just get better from there. those years are dogshit. like, you do get stronger but its mostly just a factor of not being 11-17 anymore. positive thinking helps but it doesnt fix whatevers going on at 15, you have to brute force through that one raw
#i originally posted this as just a 'hey remember how fuckin bad middle/highschool was? shit was wild' type post but now#there are a bunch of teens in the notes being like 'oh my god are you serious? it gets better? im not stuck in hell forever??'#and im reminded that the only people who told teenage ella 'it gets better' were speakers at mental health assemblies#aka the least relatable people alive who were seemingly born to lie to you#so. uh. yeah im a certified adult who isnt here to lie or sugarcoat the realities of being a teenager#the only thing more certain than the pain is the transcience
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1910 collective days of human life, all for this?
Hi I love Anya. I'd like to draw Swansea too because he's my 2nd fav but that'll come another time. Image description: a drawing of Anya from the game Mouthwashing. She is sitting on the floor surrounded by empty bottles of mouthwash floating in a non-literal pool of blue liquid.
#mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#quynh draws#fan art#Hi I'm alive. Nice to see yall again. I keep saying I'll post publicly more but I really haven't been feeling it. socmedia tiring#also I KNOW SHE WEARS SOCKS AND SANDALS I just felt like drawing sneakers
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lesbian situationship vs gay situationship
#arcane#arcane s2#vi#caitlyn kiramman#caitvi#jayce talis#viktor#jayvik#this is so funny to me#they got fucked UP#jayce also high key looking fine as hell#i just need viktor to be alive im so scared#vi arcane#viktor arcane
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
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no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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I just think that 'animals are living intelligent creatures that have feelings and deserve to be respected' and 'when done properly farming is beneficial to both people and animals and there's nothing wrong with raising and killing animals for food, clothing, and other products' are concepts that very much can and should coexist
#i think a lot of people get too carried away in farming discourse to actually remember both of these things#some people are so aggressively anti-farming that they forget that meat and fur are necessary for some people#and that farming helps prevent overhunting of certain species#but some people are so aggressively pro-farming that they begin to think of animals as objects#that only exist to provide them with a product#animals deserve to be treated with respect and be given the best care possible while they're alive#but that doesn't mean that its a bad thing for them to die
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cannot even begin to imagine the Blade Runner cyberpunk shit this ladybug i found on my RGB keyboard was going through
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obviously people steal things from other people it's one of the oldest tricks in the book but it still always surprises me to learn that people plagiarise because my introduction to the concept was basically being told that if i ever plagiarised anything i would be executed by firing squad and my head would be removed and displayed on a spike outside the walls of the hallowed academic institution i was attending as a warning to others
#🐉#like they were not fucking around they were like you will be BLACKLISTED we will EXILE you there may be FINANCIAL RESTITUTION OWED#if our plagiarism software detects anything suspicious we will FLAY YOU ALIVE IN THE TOWN SQUARE#i still wake up in a cold sweat sometimes wondering if i cited my sources correctly
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[guy who keeps dying and coming back voice] Why does everyone look so upset lol
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matching eye horror for u and ur back-from-the-dead bestie <333
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#nobara kugisaki#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk leaks#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk 267#NOBARA NATIONNNNNNNN#oh my god i MISSED HER she looks so good w how much gege's style has changed...#her hAIR her EYE#HUGE win fr women everywhere#first year trio pull through pull through pull through i BEG#i will b so happy. if my main 3 make it through alive#but i dare not hope i will simply let gege cook and in th meantime i will GRACIOUSLY eat my meal#we r so well fed i cannot believe shes back#N TH PANEL OF YUUJI WHEN HE REALIZES#THE RELIEF IN HIS EYES THE TEARS THE DISBELIEVING SMILE#I WANT TO HOLD HIM#NOBARA KUGISAKI THE WAY U BRIGHTEN THIS SERIES#LAST WEEK ITFS THIS WEEK NOBARA NEXT WEEK MEGUMI BACK FR I SEE THE VISION
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she heard the news
#House of the Dragon#Rhaenicent#Alicent Hightower#and everyone say thank you Olivia Cooke for being the funniest person alive#and reposting this on IG unmprompted before i could even post it myself lmfaooo#i'm grateful#maryneart
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I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.
I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:
Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)
Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)
Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often
Eat dessert first
Celebrate well, and often
Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)
Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.
Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate
Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)
Walk without having a specific destination or goal
Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.
I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.
#mental health#mental health support#positivity#if anybody has ideas of their own definitely include them!#i just think being stuck with this feeling that you don't have autonomy and that you ultimately aren't an equal person or a person at all..#...in comparison to other people can be a really troubling and dangerous place to be in...#...and that isn't the person's fault for feeling that way. they didn't pluck those thoughts out of thin air...#...like i have felt that exact way all my LIFE because i have been abused for. probably 2/3s of my life...#...only within these past few years have i even FELT alive. frankly it's going to take a while to repair what i have been left with...#...so i know the feeling and i want to help others feel even a LITTLE bit alive. you deserve it...#...you deserve to take in a deep breath before slowly realizing 'oh my gd this is what it feels like to be alive' and SMILE about it#i want that for you even if it is brief. even if it is small. even if it is a whisper. i want you to feel alive#unironically getting rid of the idea of 'guilty pleasures' has made my life SO much better
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