#I imagine this is what it is like to be 'neurotypical' about your interests and I HATE it

[girlscience]

it's almost like I can feel my brain shifting and I hate it

[bonefall]

do you have any tips for writing a low empathy character who isn't evil? Or how to make an interesting apathetic character who's a thoughtless sort of evil? These are two different chatacters btw-

I tried looking up examples and stuff but uh. It's been a bit fruitless.

Honestly it's not too hard! Having low empathy just means we're bad at automatically "connecting" to the feelings of other people. You can come to understand it's not even a character flaw once you uncouple the idea that Empathy = Kindness. And apathy, well, that one's a bit more complicated imo.

Low Empathy

In English, it's just unfortunately super common to conflate Empathy and Compassion. To have compassion is to be aware of the suffering of another person, and ergo, want to help stop it. To be empathetic is to identify with and understand the feelings of another person. These are different things.

For an example in action; imagine a medic with a patient whose shoulder is dislocated, and xey'll need to pop that arm back in place in order for the patient to feel better.

A medic feeling EMPATHY for that patient is having an emotional response to what xey're seeing. Xey might have a tingly "ghost pain" thinking about the injury, and xey might feel guilty xey're going to put them in more agony, but also joy because this patient is going to feel much better in just a moment.

A medic feeling COMPASSION for that patient is thinking about how the shoulder must be causing a lot of pain, and knows xey have the skill to fix it. Xey know from xeir own experience that pain sucks and so it is a bad thing that needs to go away. It will hurt a little more for a moment, but then there will be immediate relief.

This is imo, why a lot of low empathy people are "bad at" comforting people without going to Autism College where they give you the scripts of Shit Neurotypicals Say. We're not trying to be selfish when we end up making "comfort sessions" about ourselves-- that's what we think empathy is, because we don't have a lot of it to really know what you want.

Like, doesn't it make sense to you? "I don't know what you're feeling. Here's a similar situation I've been though. I must know what you're feeling-- does that make you feel better? That you aren't alone? I think that's what empathy is, am I right?"

A LOT of low empathy people go into medical fields, the funeral industry, and disaster relief. We often really do want to help people so seek these fields out, or when we get there, just end up not getting burnt out like our high-empathy peers!

Apathy

As for the apathetic character, honestly, I'd suggest thinking about your story's themes. Villains are very special to me and I always try to handle them with care. What are you trying to say is bad to not care about in your work? How does their apathy play into the story you're trying to tell?

A Captain Planet villain is completely selfish, and exists only to benefit itself by exploiting nature in some way. Then the Planeteers show up and punch it in the face. Boiled down to its barest, most simple essentials; "We have conflicting goals and so I will stop you."

Personally I find total apathy to be something not especially compelling in villains, for that reason. Like, if you really don't care about anything, why bother with the trouble of going against the protag? Motivation is meant to be MOTIVATING.

(also ngl I'm on the Shadow As A Hero sort of bandwagon where I find it much funnier for the simple apathetic cool edgy guy to be the funniest person on your tennis team)

Dungeon Meshi has TWO characters who struggle with apathy, and are both antagonists at some points in the story, but never villains. Shuro and Mithrun. The theme of Dungeon Meshi is the beauty and complexity of life, the value of living, and how our connections to others changes the people we are. Food is a metaphor for bonding, self-care, and understanding.

For Shuro, he begins the story as someone who's both been encouraged to bottle up his emotions for the sake of other people, as well as to not actually consider the emotions of those lower-born than him. He's from a very different place than the other members of his party, and this causes friction as class, culture, and sophisticated, refined, weapons-grade autism clashes.

When the woman he loves is eaten by a dragon, he doesn't stop to tell her brother and """childhood friend""" what he's planning, as if they both wouldn't run in and get hurt. He owns demi-humans. He doesn't consider his own needs or the needs of his rescue team of loyal vassals. As a result, he's too weak to continue, losing a fistfight with one of the main characters, Laios.

After this, he connects with him for the very first time, and reaches out to him by giving him an important magic item. There's even a MASSIVE moment where he outright tells Laios that his ability to be so open (read: not have to mask his autism) is something he envies, breaking through that veil of apathy he wears.

The story Dungeon Meshi is telling here is that it is important to value the needs of yourself and of others. Shuro's apathy towards his own needs in a bid to prove his love weakened him. In acting like he was above his old teammates, he never spoke to them like people to smooth out his issues. He's never even noticed how much his vassals love and care for him.

(and the incredible irony is not lost on me, that Shuro's name is because Laios mispronounced it and was never corrected... while Shuro never noticed that Izutsumi had the unwanted name "Asebi" forced onto her when she was "taken in" and made his slave.)

See how that comes back to the theme? Shuro doesn't exist to just "be some asshole" or act like a villain. He has a full character arc that contributes to the narrative.

For Mithrun? I won't even spoil it. Go read Dungeon Meshi. Watch elf depression. We love a king with strabismus.

Anyway,

If you ever need good personal resources on any stigmatized mental condition, I've found it's usually productive to go into the #Actually (Thing) tag here on Tumblr. You can find people posting about basically anything. I found a lot of really good resources on NPD that way.

[nanowrimo]

5 Tips to Avoid Burnout as a Neurodivergent Writer

When taking on a project as big as writing a novel, you may run into the risk of burnout. NaNo Participant Joana Hill gives some tips on avoiding burnout as a neurodivergent writer.

Burnout.  As writers, we all know it. For neurodivergent writers, burnout can be even more damaging than usual. We can be much more sensitive, both mentally and emotionally, than our neurotypical friends and family.

This means avoiding burnout, and taking care of it when it does happen, can be even more important for us.  I’m here today to provide some tips for my fellow neurodivergent writers to tackle just that.

1. Write What Interests You

Write what interests you rather than what you think you ‘should’ be writing.  Many of us get caught-up in pleasing others.  For neurodivergent people who’ve spent much of their life masking, or hiding their true personality and needs because of fear of rejection, it can be a hard habit to break.

If you want to write a 50k slow burn coffee shop AU of your favorite fandom, an epic space opera starring ants, or a main character with ADHD, autism, dyslexia, or any other disorder or condition you have, go for it.

2. Get A Support Network

For neurodivergent people, we’ve often lived our lives with special interests no one wants to hear us talk about.  It often results in us not talking about them at all before someone can tell us they don’t want to hear about it.

Whether it’s offline with friends and family, or online here at NaNoWriMo or other sites, having people who are actively interested in listening to you and helping you plot and write can be a game-changer.

3. Celebrate As Many Victories As You Want

Many years, my personal goal is that I can get the new Pokemon game, which always comes out around the middle of November now, once I hit 50k.  But you don’t need just one grand goal.

Get a bag of your favorite candy and say you can have a piece every so many words.  Find something on Amazon you want (and can afford to get!) and say you’ll get it once you hit the halfway point.  Whatever motivates you to keep going, set it into motion.

4. Plan For Flexibility

That may sound like an oxymoron, but hear me out.  Neurodivergent people often love to have a plan.  I know I can get frustrated and upset when I’m expecting something to happen and something different does.  For a big goal like writing a novel in a month, a lot of things can end up going wrong.

Carry a notebook and pen or tablet with a keyboard case in case an errand takes longer than expected.  Back your writing up to several places in case your main writing device crashes.  Make sure at least one of those is a cloud service in case you end up writing on a device that isn’t yours.  The more contingency plans you have, the better prepared you are when life happens.

5. Be Kind To Yourself

Some days you may not get the minimum goal, or you might not write at all.  You may feel like you just can’t do it because you’re behind on your word count, or you decide you don’t like what you’ve written.

I get it.  But don’t beat yourself up about it.  Take a break.  Play your favorite game or read your favorite book.  Go for a walk.  And remember that you’re awesome.  No one can write this story like you can.

Joana Hill is a writer of young adult stories, as well as novellas inspired by Japanese light novels and anime. You can find her books, social media, and anything else you could imagine wanting to know about her on her LinkTree. Photo by Andrea Piacquadio

[itsaspectrumcomic]

Do you have any tips for dealing with big changes (like moving house) as an autistic person? I'll be moving soon and even thinking about it can stress me out so much that I end up shutting down. I love your comics by the way.

Thank you, and I apologise if this sounds awkward (it wasn't intended as such).

I find moving very stressful as well! Here are some things that help me:

If you're worried about being in a new place it can help to look at pictures of your new home and imagine yourself there and where you might put your things. I like to draw my room and also make it in games like the Sims - it helps me process the idea that I'll be living somewhere else soon so it doesn't feel so sudden.

It can also help to check out the area in Google maps and streetview so you can get to know what's nearby as well - what kind of shops, what routes you might need to take regularly.

If you're worried about packing, it can help to have a list of everything you want to bring with you. You might find it easier to sort it by room (eg bedroom stuff, kitchen stuff) and/or category (clothes, books). Once you have a list it's a bit easier to figure out what to prioritise, what can be packed now and what can't be packed until the day of the move because you're still using it, and you can tick off what you've already got in boxes so you know where things are. I find if I write stuff down it doesn't swirl around in my head so much.

Think about the positives of moving and try to get excited about them - will you have more space for yourself, are you closer to people or hobbies you care about, are there green spaces, are you close to other places you like?

Also, decorate your space as soon as possible! Even if you won't be there very long or it's just a small part like around your bed. Unpack your comfort items first, put pictures up, display your favourite plushies, get a plant, anything to make you feel more at home. I used to not bother decorating when I knew I'd be moving again in a year and I didn't realise how difficult it made it for me to feel at home.

Remember it's OK to ask for help or take a break if you're overwhelmed. Moving is one of the most stressful life events you can go through even for neurotypicals so it's completely understandable to be struggling. Even though moving can get really busy, don't forget to dedicate some time to a special interest or things that make you happy.

Good luck with your move! I hope everything goes smoothly :)

[pteraphylax]

I personally don’t hc Gale as autistic, because to me he comes across very neurotypical? I think a lot of people hc him as autistic just because he’s an academic type who exposits a lot. But for me and my brand of autism, he doesn’t resonate like that. He reminds me of my husband who is neurotypical.

I can see why a lot of people hc that though, and a lot of the reasons people ‘hate Gale’ end up being things that autistic people get bullied and punished for in real life.

I don’t hc Gale as autistic, but I take it personally when I see people hating on him for what could be considered ‘autistic-coded traits’.

You know who I DO hc as autistic?

Lae’zel.

Black and white thinking (whether she’s stanning Vlaakith or Orpheus, it’s with the same all-in fervour)

Blunt and abrasive mannerisms. She doesn’t follow societal conventions. She’s aware of them and thinks they’re a waste of time. She doesn’t react or express her feelings in conventional ways. She is often insulting and brutally honest because she always tells the truth as default.

She takes people at face value and is always earnest. For example when Gale compliments her fighting style, she immediately offers to teach him with 100% sincerity. It often catches people off guard. She doesn’t realise when people are asking rhetorical questions vs. actually wanting to know or do something (same, Queen).

Special interests. The way she talks about her insane training regime, maintains her gear, her learning and memorisation of the Gith slates. It’s very intense.

She gets her mind set on doing something a certain way (go straight to the crèche) and finds it hard to understand why the others want to sidetrack from that.

LOVES rules. She has those protocols memorised and it’s very difficult for her to imagine a reality that is not dictated by them. Even comparing her to other Gith at the creche, Lae’zel is so much more rigid. If she turns from Vlaakith she is equally rigid about her new destiny with Orpheus/ fighting Vlaakith.

Toes are out in her starting armour. For my autism shoes are the devil so I am applying this to her too lol.

Sometimes her complaints about Faerun/ the material plane come across as being overstimulated in a sensory way. At least they do to me.

Other sensory stuff: she has as much bare skin as possible in her default outfits. For my autism, tight and covering clothes are also the devil, so I’m projecting this on her as well.

You could also definitely interpret her idling with her weapons/ using the grindstone as stimming. If that’s the case this is NOT my flavour of autism. Lae’zel stimming on her grindstone makes my ears bleed and makes me want to scream. Sometimes other people’s stims are your sensory hell.

She is ride or die for the party. At first it’s a mutual goal based thing, but as she gains respect for the other party members a switch flips and she’s All In. This sort of black and white approach to relationships feels very neurodivergent to me.

I LOVE LAE’ZEL.

[skinnypaleangryperson]

I don't want to date someone casually. I don't want to have a bunch of small talk about whatever job that they settle for, or have a Reddit type conversation about their past exes or anything that would be similar. I want to feel the same way that I feel when a temporarily go on my genuine rants on here about my projects and about how it compares to other people that I've admired since I was a kid with literature that is based off of the depth and the strangeness and the imagination of profound suffering, I want to talk about genuinely interesting nuance and original topics that are nothing less than the concern of the deep strangeness and the natural magic and of the constant wonder that comes with being human.

I want to go in detail about all the fantasy concepts that I've written over the years and what they're based off of and how it relates to reality even if it might be the most high fantasy surreality, I want to talk about my personal arguments and opinions about to this strangeness that comes along with literature and culture and how people are afraid to write something from their own raw experience and always feel the need to study or emulate, even though this takes away the entire point of wanting to create in the first place which is nothing but unique expression and respect for your own life and humanity, although we can still of course admire the ones that do touch us especially if they are speaking their stories from a similar place that we are with natural human nature and it's response to challenges.

This is just the tip of the iceberg of things that I would like to talk about with a person that had the amount of creativity, uniqueness originality and depth that I do in the childlike, or I suppose that it would be considered childlike to the average sleeping person that's more closed-minded, person. But most people are incapable of original thought, or even know what it is and even if I try to speak to them they would either ignore me, only tolerate me, or it would go over their head or they would be rude more than likely. I am a compact and dense sea of thoughts and passions, subjected to the same working class narrative until I unmatch over and over again

Needless to say these people barely even exist even in artistic or consumerism culture anymore, much less in neurotypical land known as dating apps. The grief is killing me.

[lonelyroommp3]

the worst thing imo about growing up being bullied/teased for having really intense interests and masking more and more as a result is it gets to the point where you start to feel genuine real life terror at the thought of anybody finding out about your hyperfixations, or special interests, or even just regular interests that you hold to a completely casual neurotypical-approved degree. just remembered i spent my entire MA hiding it from my flatmates whenever i went out to watch f1 at the pub bc i was scared i would be mocked for… being a fan of a very popular normie sport???? the other week one of my coworkers was giving me a lift to the train station and he was like oh what sort of music do you like, i’ll put something on for you, and i experienced a level of immediate intense fight or flight panic that i imagine most people would only feel if he had veered off onto a dark country road and pulled out a machete from the glovebox

[amenbpdtism]

A Look at Nightcord at 25:00 and Neurodivergency (Part 4)

Follow up to part 1, 2 and 3

Warning for r-slur in criteria from DSM

Akiyama Mizuki

Akiyama Mizuki is the video-maker of the group and my personal favorite so I might rant about them more. We know that they look cute things, are a rather out-going person who gets along with people well but often doesn't get close enough to out of their fear of being abandoned due to their secret. Now without futher ado, let's look at their symptoms.

Autism

Autism is mainly charactherized by social differences and repetetiveness in daily life to summerize a medical or common definition of it.

"A. Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction across multiple con- texts, as manifested by the following, currently or by history (examples are illustrative,

not exhaustive; see text):

Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity, ranging, for example, from abnormal social approach and failure of normal back-and-forth conversation; to reduced sharing of interests, emotions, or affect; to failure to initiate or respond to social interactions.

Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction, ranging, for example, from poorly integrated verbal and nonverbal communication; to abnormalities in eye contact and body language or deficits in understanding and use of gestures: to a total lack of facial expressions and nonverbal communication.

Deficits in developing, maintaining, and understanding relationships, ranging, for example, from difficulties adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts; to difficulties in sharing imaginative play or in making friends; to absence of interest"

In other words

"A1 asks if your social interaction is neurotypical

Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity; ranging from abnormal social approach and failure of normal back and forth conversation through reduced sharing of interests, emotions, and affect and response to total lack of initiation of social interaction.[6]

You might behave differently in social settings than what is expected by society. For instance, when meeting someone for the first time, you launch into a monologue about yourself or one of your interests. Or, as an adult, you might mask but still struggle to maintain conversations built around small talk rather than in-depth discussions.

Do you like/love small talk?

Do you use small talk to indicate your class, education, income, religion, and political views without saying it directly?

Do you like being in social gatherings for extended periods?

Do you prefer speaking superficially and generally, rather than about your areas of interest?

Do you choose to hang out and socialize with people rather than interact for a purpose?

A2 asks about differences in eye contact, voice, body language

Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviours used for social interaction; ranging from poorly integrated verbal and nonverbal communication, through abnormalities in eye contact and body language, or deficits in understanding and use of nonverbal communication, to total lack of facial expression or gestures.[7]

Here we are talking about body language, facial expressions, vocal timbre, pitch, and volume. You might not like eye contact, or you might stare. You might smile or laugh at times when something makes you sad. You might have a hard time reading others’ body language and knowing what they are feeling. You may be able to, but it will be a skill you’ve acquired and not something you know intuitively.

A3 asks if you have differences in your relationships

Deficits in developing and maintaining relationships, appropriate to developmental level (beyond those with caregivers); ranging from difficulties adjusting behavior to suit different social contexts through difficulties in sharing imaginative play and in making friends to an apparent absence of interest in people.[8]

Generally, by the time you reach adulthood, it becomes harder to make and keep friends. For example, suppose you tick A1 and A2. In that case, you will also tick A3 because if you struggle to communicate verbally and non-verbally, it will be harder to make and keep neurotypical friends.

For example, it can be tough to know when a person is a true friend and not just saying that they are a friend; or if someone is flirting with you or not."

So let's look at Mizuki:

A1; Mizuki's conversations can be one-sided especially when they're talking about something they like and launch into a monologue which is something many autistic people experience too so I'd say they fill this criteria.

A2; I've already covered autistic masking in the Mafuyu post but I believe Mizuki is a high-masking autistic too. In the stories, they seem to speak in a lower and softer voice than usual and some might account that to depression which might be true but there had been a few times where Mizuki got off nightcord and spoke in a lower tone too, also their voice gets louder when it's something they're excited about so you might account that into this symptom.

A3; Mizuki struggled making friends their whole life, while it was mostly probably due to thinking they wouldn't be accepted as a trans person or indeed not being accepted and keeping their distance with people to avoid that from happening again however some autistic people relate to that because of their autism or autistic trauma (communication trauma, bullying due to being disabled or specifically autistic, etc) and or account it to this symptom

"B. Restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities, as manifested by at

least two of the following, currently or by history (examples are illustrative, not exhaustive; see text):

Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements, use of objects, or speech (e.g., simple motor stereotypies, lining up toys or flipping objects, echolalia, idiosyncratic phrases).

Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior (e.g., extreme distress at small changes, difficulties with transitions, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals, need to take same route or eat same food every day).

Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g., strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests).

Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input or unusual interest in sensory aspects of the environment (e.g., apparent indifference to pain/temperature, adverse response to specific sounds or textures, excessive smelling or touching of objects, visual fascination with lights or movement)."

In other words:

"B1- Stimming

B2-A need for routine or sameness

B3- Special Insterest(s)

B4- Sensory issues whether it's being too sensitive to incoming stimuli or undersensitive"

For Mizuki:

B1- Like all the others, this isn't kind of hard to tell from 2D Models but Mizuki is one of the more "active" ones in this sense. They flap their arms and swing right & left when they're happy or excited about something and move around a lot more then others in 3d lives when talking so I could say they do show this symptom.

B2-I guess Mizuki does have a routine, a loose routine rather with either working on clothes or niigo work until and/or later 25:00. However they do sometimes suddenly decide to go to school as well so their routine might be easy to break too so this symptom may or may not be present depending on how people see it.

B3- This one is the most present I'd say and what led me to personally headcanon Mizuki as autistic as an austistic person. Mizuki is very passionate about their interests. They can go and go on about them in details, most obvious one being Miramagi in the "Now tie the ribbon" event.

B4- Mizuki is a "nekojita" aka "has a cat's tongue" which is a japanese term for people who are sensitive to hot food which may be counted as sensory issues too.

Mizuki seems to show enough symptoms to still be diagnosed so people could see them as implied autistic, autistic-coded or headcanon as autistic because they relate to them.

And lastly on this section, some common autistic traits Mizuki shows:

 has difficulty opening up to others and sharing their emotions.

feel anxiety (somewhat) in social situations (especially when it gets to a deeper level)

Sometimes shuts down and just doesn’t want to speak at all (if I remember correctly)

Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder

ADHD for short is a disability charactherized by inability focus especially when needed or the task is not interesting to the indivual and/or hyperactivity such as inability remain still and impulsivity to sum it up roughly. Now let's look at the symptoms:

A. A persistent pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity-impulsivity that interferes with functioning or development, as characterized by (1) and/or (2):

Inattention: Six (or more) of the following symptoms have persisted for at least 6 months to a degree that is inconsistent with developmental level and that negatively impacts directly on social and academic / occupational activities:

Note: The symptoms are not solely a manifestation of oppositional behavior,defiance, hostility, or failure to understand tasks or instructions. For older adolescents and adults (age 17 and older), at least five symptoms are required.

a. Often fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, at work, or during other activities (e.g., overlooks or misses details, work is inaccurate).

b. Often has difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or play activities (e.g., has difficulty remaining focused during lectures, conversations, or lengthy reading).

c. Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly (e.g., mind seems elsewhere, even in the absence of any obvious distraction).

d. Often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace (e.g., starts tasks but quickly loses focus and is easily sidetracked).

e. Often has difficulty organizing tasks and activities (e.g., difficulty managing sequential tasks; difficulty keeping materials and belongings in order; messy, disorganized work; has poor time management; fails to meet deadlines).

f. Often avoids, dislikes, or is reluctant to engage in tasks that require sustained mental effort (e.g., schoolwork or homework; for older adolescents and adults, preparing reports, completing forms, reviewing lengthy papers).

g. Often loses things necessary for tasks or activities (e.g., school materials, pencils, books, tools, wallets, keys, paperwork, eyeglasses, mobile telephones).

h. Is often easily distracted by extraneous stimuli (for older adolescents and adults, may include unrelated thoughts).

i. Is often forgetful in daily activities (e.g., doing chores, running errands; for older adolescents and adults, returning calls, paying bills, keeping appointments).

2. Hyperactivity and impulsivity: Six (or more) of the following symptoms have persisted for at least 6 months to a degree that is inconsistent with developmental level and that negatively impacts directly on social and academic/ occupational activities:

Note: The symptoms are not solely a manifestation of oppositional behavior, defiance, hostility, or a failure to understand tasks or instructions. For older adolescents and adults (age 17 and older), at least five symptoms are required.

a. Often fidgets with or taps hands or feet or squirms in seat.

b. Often leaves seat in situations when remaining seated is expected (e.g., leaves his or her place in the classroom, in the office or other workplace, or in other situations that require remaining in place).

c. Often runs about or climbs in situations where it is inappropriate. (Note: In adolescents or adults, may be limited to feeling restless.)

d. Often unable to play or engage in leisure activities quietly.

e. Is often “on the go,” acting as if “driven by a motor” (e.g., is unable to be or uncomfortable being still for extended time, as in restaurants, meetings; may be experienced by others as being restless or difficult to keep up with).

f. Often talks excessively.

g. Often blurts out an answer before a question has been completed (e.g., completes people’s sentences; cannot wait for turn in conversation).

h. Often has difficulty waiting his or her turn (e.g., while waiting in line).

i. Often interrupts or intrudes on others (e.g., butts into conversations, games, or activities; may start using other people’s things without asking or receiving permission; for adolescents and adults, may intrude into or take over what others are doing).

B. Several inattentive or hyperactive-impulsive symptoms were present prior to age 12 years.

C. Several inattentive or hyperactive-impulsive symptoms are present in two or more settings (e.g., at home, school, or work; with friends or relatives; in other activities).

If look at Mizuki:

For the inattention section, Mizuki doesn't seem to struggle with most. Yes, they struggle with going to school but that's due to factor like being judged or something that possibly stems from it which I'll talk later rather than difficulty sustaining attention and they're actually good with school work and studying, just not keeping attendance. They're also good with completing task related to niigo though some could argue that's because they enjoy it since people with ADHD tend to struggle retaining focus on tasks they find boring and can actually hyperfocus on ones they're interested in which brings me to symptom f; in the "Let's study hard!" event, Mizuki was sort of reluctant to get to studying like Akito and An at first. Executive dysfunction, which is something many people with ADHD struggle with, can come off as struggling to even get yourself to start something no matter how simple it is and that might be similar to Mizuki too or at least can be seen that way. They're good at studying however it doesn't seem to be something they enjoy (or at least was never mentioned to be) so you could say they fit into symptom 1f depending on how you percieve it but for this section, that's about it. Now then let's look into hyperactive/impulsive criteria:

A lot of this is hard to tell because we can't tell much from 2D models once again and their classtimes are not shown much so we don't have much information about leisure activities however on symptom f again, Mizuki does often talk excessively as I mention earlier, especially when it's something they're interested in qand you could account that to a multiple of factors.

Now, with all that, does Mizuki have adhd? It's kind of a mystery since we mostly see them doing things they enjoy, especially in the hyperactivity criteria, they may or may not be diagnosed however people can still headcanon them as much if they like them and have adhd especially. To add onto this, let's look at some common traits people with ADHD show that Mizuki has as well:

has rapidly switching emotions (which might be better accounted by something else but I'll add since it's a trait)

can impulsively spend money, especially on clothes

(up to interpatation) struggles with executive dysfunction

Dyscalculia & Dygraphia

Categorized under Specific Learning Disorder in the DSM is charactherized by difficulties reading, writing and spelling to sum it up. More specifically the symptoms are:

Inaccurate or slow and effortful word reading (e.g., reads single words aloud incorrectly or slowly and hesitantly, frequently guesses words, has difficulty sounding out words).

Difficulty understanding the meaning of what is read (e.g., may read text accurately but not understand the sequence, relationships, inferences, or deeper meanings of what is read).

Difficulties with spelling (e.g., may add, omit, or substitute vowels or consonants).

Difficulties with written expression (e.g., makes multiple grammatical or punctuation errors within sentences; employs poor paragraph organization; written expression of ideas lacks clarity).

Difficulties mastering number sense, number facts, or calculation (e.g., has poor understanding of numbers, their magnitude, and relationships; counts on fingers to add single-digit numbers instead of recalling the math fact as peers do; gets lost in the midst of arithmetic computation and may switch procedures).

Difficulties with mathematical reasoning (e.g., has severe difficulty applying mathematical concepts, facts, or procedures to solve quantitative problems).

Mizuki doesn't seem to show any symptoms as it was never brought up and the only subject they struggled with was English. However since Mizuki is a creative character like Ena, I can see why people with learning disabilities headcanon them as such.

Bipolar, Cyclothymic and Major Depressive Disorder

Bipolar Disorder which is often shortened as BD, BP or Bipolar is a disorder consisteng of high and/or low mood episodes called manic or hypomanic and depressive to put it roughly. There are 2, or 3 in some sources that include cyclothymia, of this disorder with Bipolar I having at least one manic or mixed (major depressive and manic) episode and Bipolar II having at least one hypomanic and one major depressive episode. if there's no (hypo)manic episode present and only a major depressive one, it could be diagnosed as Major Depressive Disorder or MDD instead so now let's take a closer look at the symptoms and these episodes:

(Hypo)Manic episode:

Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity.

Decreased need for sleep (e.g., feels rested after only 3 hours of sleep).

More talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking.

Flight of ideas or subjective experience that thoughts are racing.

Distractibility (i.e., attention too easily drawn to unimportant or irrelevant external stimuli), as reported or observed.

Increase in goal-directed activity (either socially, at work or school, or sexually) or psychomotor agitation.

Excessive involvement in activities that have a high potential for painful consequences (e.g., engaging in unrestrained buying sprees, sexual indiscretions, or foolish business investments).

C. The mood disturbance is sufficiently severe to cause marked impairment in social or occupational functioning or to necessitate hospitalization to prevent harm to self or others, or there are psychotic features. (For it to be considered a manic episode rather than hypomanic.)

Major depressive episode:

Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, as indicated by either subjective report (e.g., feels sad, empty, or hopeless) or observation made by others (e.g., appears tearful). (Note: In children and adolescents, can be irritable mood.)

Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day (as indicated by either subjective account or observation).

Significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain (e.g., a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month), or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day. (Note: In children, consider failure to make expected weight gain.)

Insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day.

Psychomotor agitation or retardation nearly every day (observable by others, not merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down).

Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day.

Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt (which may be delusional) nearly every day (not merely self-reproach or guilt about being sick).

Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day (either by subjective account or as observed by others).

Recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide.

For cyclothymic disorder:

A. For at least 2 years (at least 1 year in children and adolescents) there have been numerous periods with hypomanic symptoms that do not meet criteria for a hypomanic episode and numerous periods with depressive symptoms that do not meet criteria for a major depressive episode.

B. During the above 2-year period (1 year in children and adolescents), Criterion A symptoms have been present for at least half the time and the individual has not been without the symptoms for more than 2 months at a time.

C. Criteria for a major depressive, manic, or hypomanic episode have never been met.

For Mizuki on (Hypo)manic episodes:

1.Mizuki had times where they praised themselves a lot or wantede to be praised by others for example so this might be seen as that symptom

2.Mizuki seems to sleep for the same amount, i haven't noticed anything abnormal so I'd say this symptom is not present

3. Mizuki is usually talkative when it's things they're interested in but I believe that can be better accounted by other things

4.Mizuki can occasionally get a flight of ideas if I remember correctly however I can't really judge if this due to a manic or hypomanic episode or happens a lot more momentarily

5.As I mentioned in the ADHD Inattention section, this doesn't seem to occur

6.This can happen and the opposite can happen at times too so this could be counted as episodic and a symptom that's present

7.This is present in Mizuki somewhat, they can impulsively spend a lot but I'm not sure if this is episodic or something more consistantly present

Mizuki barely fits shows enough symptoms for a diagnosis, it's just a matter of if this are episodic and lasted for a week at least however these don't seem to hurt others or themself to a degree where it might interefere with their work or daily life, maybe except last symptom, or require hospitilization or include psychosis so it would better constitute for a hypomanic episode than a manic episode if the other criteria are indeed met.

Now onto major depressive episode symptoms that Mizuki shows:

1.Mizuki definetely experienced this, especially in middle school as it can be seen in Kamikou Festival and And now, tie the ribbon events

2. This was also present, especially in the "And now, tie the ribbon" event where they were wondering what they'd do after miramagi ended, new animes would start but they didn't seem interested in them unlike before or now

3.Mizuki's apetite has shown to be decreased, especially in once again, "And now, tie the ribbon" event where their mom made their favorite food yet they said they weren't hungr

4.If I remember correctly during their depressive episodes, Mizuki tended sleep more than usual too however I might be wrong on this

5.I'm not sure about this

6.Mizuki seemed to have less energy in general during those episodes too if I remember correctly

7.Once again if I remember correctly since it's been a while, but in the tie the ribbon event and some other times they felt worthless when they were down

8.This was present in their episode too if I remember correctly (I apologize for not having screenshots from the tie the ribbon event and just going from memory) especially diminished ability to think clearly

9.This symptom, like everyone else in niigo, is present in Mizuki as indicated by Mafuyu "You all want to disappear more than anyone else" and the implication of them doubting continuing living in tie the ribbon event.

Now if I remembered everything correctly, Mizuki shows enough symptoms for a MDD diagnosis so cyclotymia is out of question because of the symptom c but also because they also barely show enough for a diagnosis of Bipolar II so people could see Mizuki as haing depression or bipolar-coded, etc.

Some Bipolar traits Mizuki shows are:

Rapid mood shifts

Impulsive

Higher creativity during hypo/manic episodes

and for MDD these are:

sometimes can get moody or snappy

sometimes feels very numb, like they have no feelings at all

Social Anxiety Disorder

Also known as Socialphobia, SAD or social anxiety for short is a disorder charactherized by anxiety, often intense, in social situation to sum it up.

Let's look at the symptoms again:

"A. Marked fear or anxiety about one or more social situations in which the individual is exposed to possible scrutiny by others. Examples include social interactions (e.g., having a conversation, meeting unfamiliar people), being observed (e.g., eating or drinking), and performing in front of others (e.g., giving a speech).

Note: In children, the anxiety must occur in peer settings and not just during interactions with adults.

B. The individual fears that he or she will act in a way or show anxiety symptoms that will be negatively evaluated (i.e., will be humiliating or embarrassing: will lead to rejection or offend others).

C. The social situations almost always provoke fear or anxiety.

Note: In children, the fear or anxiety may be expressed by crying, tantrums, freezing, clinging, shrinking, or failing to speak in social situations.

D. The social situations are avoided or endured with intense fear or anxiety.

E. The fear or anxiety is out of proportion to the actual threat posed by the social situation and to the sociocultural context.

F. The fear, anxiety, or avoidance is persistent, typically lasting for 6 months or more."

Rest are about it causing distress to indivual and is not better explained by another disability.

And Mizuki shows:

A. Present in Mizuki, they're often afraid of how others will judge them as shown in multiple stories

B.Mizuki often fears they will face rejection so we can say this counts too

C.The situation do seem to provoke anxiety, inconfidence or sadness at least

D.Mizuki avoid social situations most of the time, even to the point of possibly having another disorder or avoidant attachment style so I'd say they definetely show this symptom

E.Now this is where I might disagree as Mizuki has faced rejection in the past due them being transgender, most characters seem to be understanding of them however considering how society treats trans people, I wouldn't say it's "out of proportion"

F.These symptoms has lasted for at least years so Mizuki could be diagnosed with SAD, especially if it's not seen as "reasonable" for them being transgender or specifically transfem.

Common traits of SAD they show:

they fear people will see them as weak, crazy, stupid, boring, intimidating, dirty, unlikable, etc

has skipped school/work because of their anxiety

 doesn’t like to disclose intimate details about themself

Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Or GAD for short is a disorder charactherized by anxiety in various things that might occur in daily life.

The symptoms are:

"A. Excessive anxiety and worry (apprehensive expectation), occurring more days than not for at least 6 months, about a number of events or activities (such as work or school performance).

B. The individual finds it difficult to control the worry.

C. The anxiety and worry are associated with three (or more) of the following six symptoms (with at least some symptoms having been present for more days than not for the past 6 months); Note: Only one item is required in children.

Restlessness or feeling keyed up or on edge.

Being easily fatigued.

Difficulty concentrating or mind going blank.

Irritability.

Muscle tension.

Sleep disturbance (difficulty falling or staying asleep, or restless, unsatisfying sleep)."

For Mizuki:

A&B. Mizuki sometimes worry about daily things however these seem to be reasonable or not as often or as severe as in GAD.

C. These don't seem to be present either or maybe only C1 so they likely wouldn't qualify for a diagnosis.

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

OCD for short is a disorder charactherized by either obsessions, compulsions or both. Obsessions in this case refer to intrusive aka unwanted thoughts and compulsions to reduce anxiety caused by them. Intrusive thoughts can be a number of things like "What if my family gets sick", "what if i hurt my brother" or "my pet" and compulsions might be directly related to this such as compulsive hand-washing, hiding the sharp objects or avoiding being near your brother or pets to avoid "hurting" them or sometimes unrelated like "i have to flip the light switch 10 times exactly so my brother won't die". It's a complex disorder with many different characteristics and its own spectrum of disabilities however this is diagnostic criteria with either obsessions or compulsions taking at least one hour out of your day to be diagnosed.

Now onto Mizuki, Mizuki experiences a lot of thoughts about rejection which could be considered intrusive as they're unwanted and Mizuki tries to avoid these thoughts from coming through by actively keeping a distance between themself and people in this regard, these could be considered obsession and compulsion and may be seen as OCD however at the same time, these could better account for or be accounted for by other disabilities as well. Besides that, OCD traits Mizuki shows are:

feels an intense sense of responsibility to eliminate a threat, whether the threat is real or not

when they find new things they like (for example, a new TV show), they become obsessed with it

experiences a lot of anxiety

(Complex) Posttraumatic Stress Disorder

Or C/PTSD for short is a disorder quite literally in the name, it includes experiencing a traumatic event and many issues in your daily life in the aftermath.

Symptoms are: "A. Exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence in one (or more) of the following ways:

Directly experiencing the traumatic event(s).

Witnessing, in person, the event(s) as it occurred to others.

Learning that the traumatic event(s) occurred to a close family member or close friend. In cases of actual or threatened death of a family member or friend, the event(s) must have been violent or accidental.

Experiencing repeated or extreme exposure to aversive details of the traumatic event(s) (e.g., first responders collecting human remains: police officers repeatedly exposed to details of child abuse). Note: Criterion A4 does not apply to exposure through electronic media, television, movies, or pictures, unless this exposure is work related.

B. Presence of one (or more) of the following intrusion symptoms associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning after the traumatic event(s) occurred:

Recurrent, involuntary, and intrusive distressing memories of the traumatic event(s). Note: In children older than 6 years, repetitive play may occur in which themes or aspects of the traumatic event(s) are expressed.

Recurrent distressing dreams in which the content and/or affect of the dream are related to the traumatic event(s). Note: In children, there may be frightening dreams without recognizable content.

Dissociative reactions (e.g., flashbacks) in which the individual feels or acts as if the traumatic event(s) were recurring. (Such reactions may occur on a continuum, with the most extreme expression being a complete loss of awareness of present surroundings.) Note: In children, trauma-specific reenactment may occur in play.

Intense or prolonged psychological distress at exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event(s).

Marked physiological reactions to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event(s).

C. Persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning after the traumatic event(s) occurred, as evidenced by one or both of the following:

Avoidance of or efforts to avoid distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings about or closely associated with the traumatic event(s).

Avoidance of or efforts to avoid external reminders (people, places, conversations, activities, objects, situations) that arouse distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings about or closely associated with the traumatic event(s).

D. Negative alterations in cognitions and mood associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning or worsening after the traumatic event(s) occurred, as evidenced by two (or more) of the following:

Inability to remember an important aspect of the traumatic event(s) (typically due to dissociative amnesia and not to other factors such as head injury, alcohol, or drugs).

Persistent and exaggerated negative beliefs or expectations about oneself, others, or the world (e.g., “I am bad,” “No one can be trusted,” ‘The world is completely dangerous,” “My whole nervous system is permanently ruined”).

Persistent, distorted cognitions about the cause or consequences of the traumatic event(s) that lead the individual to blame himself/herself or others.

Persistent negative emotional state (e.g., fear, horror, anger, guilt, or shame).

Markedly diminished interest or participation in significant activities.

Feelings of detachment or estrangement from others.

Persistent inability to experience positive emotions (e.g., inability to experience happiness, satisfaction, or loving feelings).

E. Marked alterations in arousal and reactivity associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning or worsening after the traumatic event(s) occurred, as evidenced by two (or more) of the following:

Irritable behavior and angry outbursts (with little or no provocation) typically expressed as verbal or physical aggression toward people or objects.

Reckless or self-destructive behavior.

Hypervigilance.

Exaggerated startle response.

Problems with concentration.

Sleep disturbance (e.g., difficulty falling or staying asleep or restless sleep).

F. Duration of the disturbance (Criteria B, C, D, and E) is more than 1 month."

For Mizuki:

A1, they experienced peer isolation and maybe even bullying which can be pretty traumatic.

B1, They get memories of them being abandoned by people they trusted when they revealed their "secret" whenever they try to trust someone again.

B3; in the "My Footsteps, Your Destination" event, they dissociated when Ena was asking about what was wrong because of their "secret" and in the last chapters when they were just about to tell Ena, they remembered others calling them weird which can be interpeted as a flashback or reliving the moment there briefly.

C1, they avoid getting too close with anyone to avoid the feeling of being all alone or abandoned again.

D2, they have a persistent belief that no one can be fully trusted.

D5, they try to avoid events involving people from school as much as they can (ex. culture festival, sports festival afterparty at first).

D6, they can't fully connect with others.

E3, once again their severe mistrust of others can be seen as hypervigilance as in "they will all end up the same, they will all leave me so I should be on-guard about what I share with them"

Mizuki barely misses the criteria by only having one symptom in the e section unless we can count spending as reckless behavior but since it said "or self-destructive behavior" I assume they don't mean that however Mizuki shows many signs of PTSD, especially in their avoidant attachment style and I can see why people with PTSD can related to them once again, especially people with a similar trauma. I certainly can.

Besides that, some PTSD traits Mizuki has are:

feels anxious and worried a lot, especially relating their secret

sometimes feels completely emotionally numb

experienced prolonged periods of sadness or hopelessness

Eating Disorder

As I mentioned before, it was said that Mizuki skipped meals and this could be easily accounted for by depression but there's small possiblity that it could be more than that and some people with EDs can relate still so I wanted to put it here, since there's not enough information given, it could be EDNOS if I was their professional www

Borderline Personality Disorder

BPD for short, is a disorder categorized by marked impuslivity, instability in relationships and sense of self as well as fear of abandonment to cut it short.

Symptoms are:

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. (Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.)

A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). (Note: Do not include suicidal or self- mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.)

Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior.

Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

Chronic feelings of emptiness.

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms."

For Mizuki:

1.I think this is the most obvious one, Mizuki has a huge fear of abandonment and tries to avoid that from happening by not getting attached to people in the first place.

2. This isn't as present but them going between "I can tell them" to "I can't trust them" can be interpeted as such.

3.All members in niigo have an identity disturbance, Mizuki is the one who figured it more than others but they still struggle too define themselves besides that "they just wanna be themself" but did they exactly figure out who they are? That's debatable.

4.Again Mizuki can impulsively spend so this is definetely one however there doesn't seem to be a second one from what's mentioned here or I can think of.

5.Mizuki like others, want to disappear and often have suicidal thoughts which should be counted as suicidal behavior if you ask me.

6.Mizuki is described as moody in the official site (in the "past" description now) meaning they have rapid mood swings which can be seen in story by them being happy from small things or upset from small things as well.

7.Like others, Mizuki also feels empty. They have more of an idea of what they want to do but it's shown that they still feel empty, especially because of not being able to properly connect with anyone.

8.Mizuki is not or has been ever a very angry person from what I remember.

9.When they're stressed, they think everyone will turn on them and leave them which is the most common form of paranoia for people with bpd and they also dissociated in many events, especially as seen in my footsteps your destination.

Mizuki has enough symptoms that seems to be going on for several years so they could possibly be diagnosed with bpd or at least I can see why many people with bpd relate to them, especially on the first symptom.

Some other common BPD traits they have are:

might have disordered eating pattern

is sometimes obsessive

sometimes gets intrusive thoughts which they're unable to ignore

has a child-like curiosity

has a need for acceptance

has a natural rejection of people in authority

constantly feels like they need to prove themself over and over again

live very much in the moment

isolate themself, even when they need social interaction

has anxiety/panic attacks (if I remember correctly)

react very strongly to mundane experiences

has a difficult time making decisions sometimes

often feels misunderstood, mistreated, or victimized

feels distrustful and suspicious a great deal of time

heightened sense of empathy

Histrionic Personality Disorder

HPD for short is a personality disorder characterized by excessive emotionality and attention seeking to sum it up roughly. The symptoms are:

Is uncomfortable in situations in which he or she is not the center of attention.

Interaction with others is often characterized by inappropriate sexually seductive or provocative behavior.

Displays rapidly shifting and shallow expression of emotions.

Consistently uses physical appearance to draw attention to self.

Has a style of speech that is excessively impressionistic and lacking in detail.

Shows self-dramatization, theatricality, and exaggerated expression of emotion.

Is suggestible (i.e., easily influenced by others or circumstances).

Considers relationships to be more intimate than they actually are.

In Mizuki's case:

1.Mizuki does often want to be the center of attention and not at the same time. It's sort of complicated, they kind of want people to look at them and appreciate them but also want to avoid since it's because people are judging them most of the time

2.They can be teas-y to people like Akito but I'm not sure if that's what they mean by "provocative" here but besides being a little tease, this doesn't happen

3.Again it's mentioned they're moody officially however I don't know if that would be described as "shallow" tho sometimes it can be.

4.I would say no to this because their whole story is around not wanting to be judged or get too much attention because of the way they like to dress however they also wouldn't turn it down if it was positive

5.This is sort of true? Mizuki can exaggrate the way they talk, though it's often to tease or joke around but I don't know if I would call it lacking in detail exactly

6.Again Mizuki can dramatize themself, like in the world link event but this is often light-hearted

7.I don't believe this is true. Mizuki is the kind of person to stand their ground in any or at least most situations

8.Mizuki's attachment style is more avoidant so they actually can't ever consider relationships close enough

Mizuki could considered to have some histrionic or histrionic-like traits but I don't think any or most of them symptoms actually apply to them personally. I saw someone say Mizuki is like HPD and AvPD at the same time and I can sort of see where they're coming from but AvPD or avoidant attachment style is definetely more present so even if there was a case of HPD, avoidance of people would make it a lot more complicated to understand or detect.

However HPD traits Mizuki has are:

is very enthusiastic and can be very exciting to be around

often “fishes” for compliments

considered suicide

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Also called NPD for short is a personality disorder charactherized by a grandiose sense of self, need for admiration and lack of empathy however many of these are a coping mechanism to hide the person's actually really low self-esteem. So then, let's look at the symptoms:

Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements).

Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.

Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).

Requires excessive admiration.

Has a sense of entitlement (i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations).

Is interpersonally exploitative (i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends).

Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.

Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her.

Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.

Now if we look at Mizuki:

1.Mizuki can exaggrate their achievements and like to be praised for them but this is also lighthearted a lot of the time

2.This is kind of hard to judge but I'd assume no since they have a hard time looking forward to future or being accepted at all

3.There hasn't been any evidence of this besides feeling misunderstood which some could say maybe they can only be understood by people they deem special however that's just one perspective

4.Again Mizuki likes to be praised for it however they don't seem to need to feel worthy but they often feel down so it might be a case of needing it to feel enough or good but being afraid to seek it but that's just a theory

5.I haven't seen any instances of this, if there was please let me know

6.Also there hasn't been any cases of this happening

7.Mizuki actually has a higher sense of empathy than most of the niigo members and was the first one to identify with the feelings of Mafuyu in the main story

8.Some could see them as envious of others' lives maybe, those who don't go through the struggles they do but they actually seem pretty content with their life or self despite all the struggles like maybe even a struggle with self identity so I don't remember any instances of this either

9.Any instances of this seemed to be lighthearted or joke-y as well

So Mizuki doesn't seem to show any symptom of NPD, perhaps other saw something I didn't and related to Mizuki; especially vullnerable NPD but that's about it. However let's look at common NPD trait Mizuki has too:

can have either low or high self-esteem. I find it depends on the people I’m with and how they’re treating me at the time

often feels incredibly misunderstood by others

has an avoidant attachment style

when upset, they tend to withdraw from others

this last one is a little controversial "try to read people’s weaknesses while hiding their own" because Mizuki does hide their weaknesses and try to know other's but it's not for any means like to lift themself up or feel important necessarily but people can still relate to it.

Avoidant Personality Disorder

AvPD or sometimes APD for short is personality disorder characterized by low self esteem and fear of negative social evulation. The symptoms are:

Avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact because of fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection.

Is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked.

Shows restraint within intimate relationships because of the fear of being shamed or ridiculed.

Is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations.

Is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy.

Views self as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others.

Is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing.

And let's look at Mizuki:

1.Mizuki avoids going to school most times out of the fear of being rejected so you could say this symptom is present

2.This is one of the more present ones as in Mizuki will form superficial relationships with most people but are only wiling to take it a step further only if they're certain of being liked

3.This is probably the most relevant one, Mizuki shows a big restraint in their relationships out of the fear of being rejected, being shamed. You could also say it's like not getting attached to them so "I can leave before they leave me" which can be relevant to the BPD part as well

4.Is indeed preoccupied with being rejected in social situations, I don't have much else to say on this; it's relevant in almost all stories

5.They're sort inhibited in new interpersonal situation or with new people but it's not quite because of feelings of inadequecy but being judged for how they present

6.I don't think this is prevelant, at least not to an intense degree and once again, Mizuki has a higher self-esteem than most members of niigo even if it's not perfect

7.I'd say this one is also not present, Mizuki is willing to try new things and offer to niigo even however they're reluctant to meeting new people if you count that but is not what's mentioed here

Mizuki shows a good amount of symptoms of AvPD, enough for a diagnosis however it should also be considered that if it's that or better explained by something else like just social anxiety, avoidant attachment style or what do you think? Is this normal for trans people and shouldn't be accounted into a disorder? If none of this explains better, they could recieve an early diagnosis of AvPD however it's important to judge carefully.

And last but not least! Common AvPD traits that Mizuki shows:

Is emphatetic but focuses more on the negatives

feels like group settings are easier than one-on-one conversations because there is less attention focused on them

avoids initiating contact with people as much as they can, at least beyond a surface level

doesn't like to show any form of negative emotion in front of other people

And that's it for Mizuki and "A Look at Nightcord at 25:00 and Neurodivergency" series. Sorry this one took so long, I haven't been mentally doing the best and didn't have the energy sit on here and write for hours but it's finally here! Once again, this is mostly for fun where I looked into common ND headcanons for Mizuki, not saying Colopale intended any of this necessarily and if there are any other conditions you'd like me to look into, please let me know! Hope you enjoyed the series!

[bluedalahorse]

Nils (for your character ask)

NILSSSS MY GUY. Ok!

How I feel about this character: I enjoy Nils! I’ve said this to a few people, and maybe I’ve said this publicly on my blog, but Nils is fascinating to me because he’s not terribly earnest or romantic or effusive in a show where many characters are earnest. He has his earnest moments—especially in season three—but there’s also a practicality to a lot of what he does. Nils comes across as a little 18 going on 45 but still secretly 18. And I find that refreshing and interesting, in a show where all the characters are very teenagery teenagers. In addition, I think the intersections of Nils’s identity open up a lot of avenues for exploration in fic. Nils could potentially be richer than August and Vincent combined, but he’s also brown and gay and closeted. I’m sort of fascinated by characters who play up their privilege while downplaying the ways in which they are marginalized (to be fair that is almost the entire cast of YR) and this is definitely something I see coming up in how Nils goes about the world. How much internal conflict does that bring up for him? To what extent is he aware of it even, or to what extent is he becoming aware of it as a young adult who’s coming to understand his identity? I also just want to know more about Nils’s sense of South Asian identity, as someone who grew up in an area with a lot of South Asian diaspora. Like, I’m curious about how recently his family immigrated to Sweden, what specific part of the subcontinent they come from, what the family history related to Partition might be, whether it’s just Swedish spoken at home or whether Nils is more bilingual like Simon and Sara, etc. (Also, as someone who watched Sholay with a friend for the first time yesterday, I am wondering how many times small Nils has watched Sholay with aunties and uncles.)

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Okay first and foremost, August. It is extremely confusing to me that fandom seems to be so largely against shipping them after them having more than one vulnerable moment in season three, especially after that conversation they had about the initiations in August’s room. I swear, y’all decided they were illegal to ship on a secret group chat you didn’t invite me to. It just feels extremely obvious to imagine a first year scenario where they’re in a state of pining and repression that could put EM Forster’s Maurice or John Knowles’s A Separate Peace (shout out to @whambamglambam) to shame. And then if you really want to let the characters grow and end up on a journey, they could get back together as adults in like a second chance kinda way. Or they could be disasters as adults, dealer’s choice. Outside of August, I think Wille and Nils could be a great disaster ship and I would like to see more of that. For a time I kind of shipped Nils and Marcus, but now that I have the full shape of the series in my head, it’s not as interesting to me. I think long-term I ship Nils with whichever OC or OCs (not gonna rule out polyamorous Nils) allow him to feel a sense of growth and safety. I created an OC boyfriend for him in Swell the Numbers, and I think I’m going to have them stay together.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Vincent and Nils does zero things for me as a romantic pairing, but I really enjoy thinking about them as friends. I think there’s probably some things that bond them pretty strongly, like rolling their eyes at August being extra (but also maybe worrying about him a little bit.) But there’s also going to be points of tension, like the old money-new money thing, the differences they have around identifiers like race and neurotype, etc. I also think a lot about how Nils is frustrated that Vincent becomes prefect and rowing captain in season 2, and how Nils seems to take rowing pretty seriously and would have liked to be captain himself. There’s a lot underneath that line and I think we should dig out a little more behind it. Outside of Vincent, I like to think that Maddie and Nils have some kind of secret oddball friendship that began when they agreed to lie about hooking up at the opening party. It’s weird and consists a lot of the two of them texting memes to one another and neither of them knows why it works but it works. Maybe someday I’ll include this in a fic.

My unpopular opinion about this character: I’m pretty sure adamantly shipping Nils romantically with August but not with Vincent is an unpopular opinion. Outside of that… okay well, I don’t know if this is unpopular opinion, but I kind of enjoy having a headcanon where Nils’s parents aren’t homophobic and super traditionalist about gender roles or whatever, and are okay with him dating a boy. They just don’t want him dating an actor or an artist or something.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: YR didn’t really start explicitly addressing race as much until season 3, but now that we’ve seen how Felice thinking about race, it’d be interesting to see a similar storyline with Nils.

Thank you for sending in the ask! It was good to get a chance to ramble.

[atlantis-just-drowned]

Cove Holden x Neurodivergent MC headcanons

I said I'd do this kind of post days ago, and finally, here it is!

First of all, a little reminder that "neurodivergent" is an umbrella term to talk about a large variety of "disorders", of divergencies. It doesn't stop to autism or adhd.

• If the MC have been early diagnosed, they will 100% spot Cove's autism, but will probably keep their suspicions for themselves because naaaah, it can't be that, maybe neurotypicals' brains are just not as weird as you though they were. But once Cove starts his researches on neurodivergency and autism, and talks to you about the possibility of him being autistic, it just... Make sense to you. You can't imagine him being anything else than a fellow neurodivergent. It was just obvious the whole time. And during the official diagnosis journey, your moms will definitely help by explaining to Cove how to contact a good professional, who he needs to be searching for, what are the papers he'll need to pass the test, etc... And will also comfort and reassure Clifford while he does his best to accept and understand his son's autism, and how he's not a bad father for not noticing the signs before.

• But if instead, the MC is late diagnosed, they will either understand they are neurodivergent while doing researches to understand Cove, or Cove will understand he's autistic while doing researches right after your diagnosis. There's no other scenarios, you two just want to understand each others so bad, when really you aren't that different. But once both of you are aware of your neurodivergency, it just makes sense that you've always understood each others so well and ended up together.

• Both of you forget stuffs constantly. Either it is dates, anniversaries, chores, or just objects everywhere in the house. The worst is when Cove looses his glasses. The two of you can spend hours circling around the house, looking everywhere and anywhere, even in the weirdest places of the house (like the fridge that you'll probably open quite a few times during the treasure hunt), before you look at Cove long enough to realize that his glasses are, in fact, on his head.

• You also have a big board in the house to prevent you both from forgetting important meetings, outputs or medical appointments. It works, but only half of the time.

• Both of you do chores whenever they remember to do them. You aren't asking to the other to do it and don't care much about who did the most chores in the day/week, since you both know that if you're waiting for the other to do it, there's great chances that you'll both forget it right away and it'll never be done.

• After spending so much time with one another, you took the habit to include the other in your stimming. Echolalia of course, but also especially hand stimming. It can be clapping each other's hand, tangling and untangling your fingers, or playing with them... The thing is, it now looks like you are both unable to function without each other. And of course it isn't really true, but you must admit that whenever you're apart from your partner, you feel a pinch in the heart when you start stimming and you have to do it all alone without someone's hand to play with.

• Over the years you ended up being able to follow each other's train of thoughts while you both zone out during a conversation, which makes it incredibly weird to others when you just stay silent for a moment, and then suddenly start to talk about a completely different and unrelated topic, as if it was the most natural sequel to the precedent conversation.

• You also ended up understanding each others whenever you say stuffs such as "where's the thing?", as if it was the clearest precision in the universe.

• You have a neurodivergent-friendly receipt book at home, with your favorite foods/textures highlighted, so you're always sure to not trigger negatively each other's texture sensitivity/sensory issues.

• If you have special interests and/or hyperfixations, you can be 100% sure that Cove will happily listen to your infodumps and will learn about your interests as much as he can. It even happens that he end up being dragged in it with you.

• He doesn't really say it, but he go feral internally when you try to lean and get involved in his own special interests. That's one of the most intimate and romantic things you could do, to his personal opinion.

• Both of you know the other's triggers and difficulties, and you look out for one another whenever you feel that a certain place, smell or situation may be uncomfortable to the other.

• You're also able to recognize pretty easily when the other go mute, and need silent time or to be left alone. One good point is that staying completely silent with one another doesn't cause any problem.

• If you ever consider having/adopting a child, one of the main point against this project would be that you're both scared to basically forget your child or to be unable to meet its physical/emotional needs correctly, because of your neurodivergencies.

[elkkiel]

fuck it I know I said yesterday I'm gonna hold on and wait but I just need to get some thoughts out of my head.

Content covered: love and empathy to Caiti, why he's taking so long to get his statement out, and frustrations with balancing personal mental health vs understanding that this isn't about *you*

1) Love to Caiti

I can't even imagine what she's going through right now. Regardless of if George had innocent or malicious intentions, it's obvious that this situation was incredibly traumatic for her. And I'm so glad that she has friends that are publicly willing to support her. I talked about it when Shelby spoke up so I won't bring it up again, but I get what she's going through and how much it fucking sucks. Hopefully, no matter the outcome, she can find peace and healing moving forward.

----------

2) Why he's taking so long

*I'll make statements empathizing with how difficult the self-defence process must be, but it in no way condones or excuses his potential behaviours or actions involved in this situation. He is a grown man and can deal with the consequences as such

The rush to get a statement and potentially closure to move on is understandable but still super stressful all the same. Given the severity of how this will impact his entire life moving forward, I wouldn't be surprised if he's seeking legal counsel or other advice before proceeding with a statement. Additionally, this is likely a situation where there may be little to no evidence that proves he didn't do anything, so whatever he presents has to be circumstantially rock solid with little room for doubt.

This isn't twitter drama where you can link a few screenshots and a twitlonger, or hop on stream quick to spout out your perspective. He stands to lose absolutely everything in his life today and it all depends on what he has to say and how he manages to say it. I know if I was in a situation like that (in the case that he legitimately believes he hasn't intentionally done anything wrong) I would be preparing in every way possible, short of a lawyer speaking for me, to clear my name to the best of my ability.

It makes sense that he's taking so long. He's probably not trying to ignore it and move on, but the lack of clarity on timelines certainly doesn't help him either. I wish he'll say something now too, but there's nothing wrong with taking longer than anticipated to detail out (probably with some fairly intimate detail that may be uncomfortable for anyone to share at such a scale) the most important stream of his life.

----------

3) Autism and grieving a special interest

There are (or were) a lot of neurodivergent people in this community. Like, a LOT. Some of us are able to drop hyperfixations or special interests and move on to something new with relative ease. Others struggle a hell of a lot more. You're not a bad person if you mourn the loss of a special interest in your life, it's just important that you keep the right perspective about it.

It's not as strong now as it was years ago, but the dream team have been a special interest for me since like July 2020. Emotionally, it honest to goodness feels like a loved one has died and I'm having a really hard time coping with it. Fuck, like I called in sick to work today because I the mental toll is so extreme I'm feeling physically ill.

Things will be okay and I'm so grateful to have Sleep Token right now, otherwise I don't know if I would be in a very safe place at the moment. It's really fucking hard and your pain is valid, despite what neurotypicals or neurodivergents with different experiences may say. The important thing to keep in mind is that your pain does not outweigh the pain of those genuinely hurt in this situation (Caiti in this case)

----------

4) Moving forward

I guess it all hinges on what's to come later today. Regardless of the outcome, things will never be the same here and I would be very surprised if any of the dream team carry on with their careers in the same capacity. I'm glad that people seem to be self-blaming less this time compared to the drituation. It still hurts to see this once-vibrant community crumble in such a short period of time.

I don't know what I'll do from here but I don't think the last 4 years were a waste. The dream team was a huge source of happiness during some of the darkest times of my life, and I don't think those memories could ever be tainted.

----------

Much love to everyone, whether you're still hanging around or not. I hope everyone finds happiness wherever they end up and that the truth will prevail in the end

[bathturtle]

I agree with some people that says the turtles cannot be all gay and stuff, because yeah it makes sense, not everyone in your family is part of the lgbtq community or is neurodivergent

Here are my turtles headcanons

-I made it general to apply to the most versions, I thought more about the 2003,2007 and 2012 (also I think this apply to 1987,1990 and bay turtles)

DONATELLO

He’s probably straight you can’t change my mind, he always showed a romantic interest in females . Also I’m 80% sure he’s on the autistic spectrum.

MICHAELANGELO

straight or pansexual, I’ll go with pansexual

And he has totally adhd, no doubt on that I’m almost every version

RAPHAEL

He’s a gym bro, he’s straight, he probably has like “super straight” in his bio, and got a tshirt that says “I love pussy” or something like that idk (this doesn’t apply to Rise Raph, he’s a normal straight guy)

And also I think he’s probably neurotypical, (I always thought he’s like white-hetero-cis man but whitout the white you know what I mean)

LEONARDO

Gay, gay, homosexual, gay, i literally can’t imagine Leonardo being attracted to anything that isn’t a man but also I think he’s probably asexual too ( I mean he’s romantically attracted to men but doesn’t feel sexually attracted) most of the version of Leo will never get out of the closet to be honest

I also believe he’s on the autistic spectrum too in the most of the adaptations.

Note : I know that people has has their reasons to headcanon the turtles or any character as part of the lgbtq community or as neurodivergent, because there’s like so little representation for us and we have to like create or own representation. No hate

Let me know what you think!

[creativitytheemotion]

Inside Out reImagined - Read Me

Many of you browsing the tags I use are probably fans of Inside Out (2015). Some of you might even think that Inside Out is peak cinema.

I most likely do not share your views, and for that reason, I ask you to keep an open mind as you proceed.

If worst comes to worst, you can always just back away, add me to the AO3 Saviour list and forget I ever existed.

Okay?

Now, then, let's begin.

Also, CW: abuse, depression, possibly unwarranted hatred towards a children's movie

Backstory

Inside Out reImagined is an AU that came to me in 2019, as I was in a prolonged personal low. It was a time during which I was abused, gaslit and constantly told to reconsider my tastes in basically everything. I have since cut off all ties with the abuser, to the point where I can't even tell you his current social media, but experiences of the abuse, both in thoughts at the time and thoughts today, have come to shape the AU.

Largely, the AU is "about" the same things that the movie is about: funny emotion people controlling a girl's mind. However, as myself and the abuser were both constantly in pursuit of a Higher Creative Standard™, we may have torn Inside Out to shreds.

The abuser, of course, had no interest in piecing back the shreds to a cohesive story, or pursuing fanfic in any meaningful way after he ended up making enemies with the entire The Incredibles fandom. I did, however, and all on my own, I created a brand new worldbuilding for Inside Out from the ground up.

By November 30, 2019, the draft of the fanfic was largely complete, and in the hands of a neurotypical without ongoing trauma, could very well have entered editing and been published in its entirety as early as 2020. However, the abuse ended up reflecting on me and I slowly burned bridges without realising that I burned bridges, leaving me even worse off than I was when I started.

Since then, I always kept reImagined tucked away safely in the back of my mind, even as I pursued other fanfic projects. However, the only real impetus to actually finish what I started came when Inside Out 2 came along, this year. Since then, I have attempted to keep a steady schedule, but have been affected by burnout.

Broadly

The first seven chapters that are currently up (FanFiction.Net, Archive of Our Own, Wattpad) should be self-explanatory enough with regards to the worldbuilding, as I've written them targeting people who aren't even fans of Inside Out. However, just to reiterate:

The mind, in the reImagined AU, is dominated by two distinct forces: Imagination and Consciousness. Imagination represents limitless potential, and therefore, can be used to perform any sort of imaginable feat. However, Consciousness is responsible for keeping certain mechanisms of the mind in check, and acts as a balance for Imagination.

Imagination is subdivided into five elements, which is where the familiar five emotions come from. Consciousness can also be subdivided into elements, but this shouldn't concern you if you're not writing about the mind of a traumatised person, which Riley is not in this universe.

By the way, about Riley: in this AU, she's moving to China. I just felt like the stakes weren't high enough in the movie.

From this foundation - Imagination and Consciousness in interplay - as well as research on actual neuroscience, as well as how I perceive the mind to be, I've constructed a whole new worldbuilding for an Inside Out-like story. However, as I've prioritised the worldbuilding, the plot had to adjust accordingly. It wouldn't exactly be fun if Joy could solve every problem she came across via use of her Imagination, now, would it?

More?

I could talk endlessly about how reImagined addresses every single flaw and plot hole that I believe Inside Out to have. That being said, I fully realise that if you don't see these flaws, then I'll just be yapping into the void. Instead, I'm going to quietly continue working on the fic, and if you're interested (in either hearing more or providing concrit on my text), you're always welcome to join the reImagined Discord: https://discord.gg/TnhzEmSMsP

[electriccenturies]

Autistic Anthropology

(In defence of embracing a certain sort of neurodiversity)

How do you embrace a disability that causes you so much stress? I think the concept of “autistic pride” is hard to swallow for a lot of people, whether because they themselves suffer from their autism, or because someone they love is impacted in such a way that looks an awful lot like suffering. It’s hard for me to come to grips with, too. I have a lot (a LOT) of thoughts on this, and especially about the flattening of the autistic experience by (and for the benefit of) the least impacted among us. It’s hard to look at the mainstream autistic pride movement and come away thinking something other than, “I don’t know if this is helpful for all autistic people…” or “if I had a severely autistic child, I think I’d see these people as my child’s enemy too”. I say this to explain my position, and also so you don’t think I’m doing the same thing here, focusing on only my high-functioning peers while claiming to speak for all. I do not!

(If you are also interested in that other side of things, I recommend you read Freddie DeBoer’s excellent article “The Gentrification of Disability”.)

Personally, I am one of those people who wishes they weren’t autistic. At the same time, I’ve come to understand that there is, indeed, a logic and a sense of community within my experience as an autistic person. I’d like to examine this.

If you are autistic yourself, maybe there will be something helpful for you here in terms of losing any shame you hold in that. And, if you’re not autistic, maybe you can get some insight into a set of social norms that are different from – yet entirely within – your own.

First, a word on language: I don’t particularly care for the word “allistic”, mainly because so few people in the general public regularly encounter it often ends up taking longer than just saying the definition. However, for the sake of clarity here, where it will come up frequently, I am going to define it anyway, and use it in lieu of getting into an argument about what the word “neurotypical” means. So: “allistic”, a word which here means “not autistic”.

Now, on to the cultural relativism bit!

The first order of business is to shift your concept of “pride” and “self acceptance”. Rather than seeing those things as good, or even neutral, you can just see them as the opposite of shame. You do not have to enjoy being autistic to reap the benefits of autistic pride, because guess what — you’re stuck autistic whether you approve of that or not. I will appeal to the autistic sense of logic here: the best option is totally irrelevant; what really matters is the best available option. I would love a cure myself, but there isn’t one and never will be, so why waste my time wallowing in that? How will shame help anything? Maybe the best option is to be allistic, but the best available option is to work with what I have.

The next task is, naturally, to learn to work with it. I think one of the best ways to go about this is to understand your struggles as a culture clash of sorts, and to imagine yourself not as wrong — nor everyone else as absurd — but as simply different. Those differences don’t have to be neutral in practice (and in fact, they often aren’t, at least in the context of being an extreme minority), but they are morally and logically neutral. The same way that allistics often label autistic behaviour as meaningless, I think we autistics tend to do the same in reverse. People seldom do things for no reason at all.

This is the double empathy problem: the breakdown in communication between allistic and autistic people is a two way street. Our lack of understanding is mutual, and — like anything cultural — experiences outside our ‘normal’ can be challenging to make sense of.

Personally, I figure myself a bit of an anthropologist of allistic culture. I think I am pretty decent at “masking” (hiding my autistic traits), meaning that if you talk to me in person, you probably won't know that something is ‘off’. Maybe you’d pick up that I’m anxious, or a bit idiosyncratic, or fidgety, but you probably wouldn’t guess autism. This is not natural to me; it’s a learned process. It’s a learned thing for everyone, I think — autistic or not — but for autistic people it doesn’t ever become automatic or intuitive. The rules don’t get internalized, they just get compiled into an ever-expanding mental resource that you can learn to frantically flip through as best you can in the moment. It’s a very conscious process, at least for me, and it’s draining as hell. More purist advocates of autistic pride will tell you you should simply not mask at all for this reason; I think that will also make your life worse, because you still have to live in a world where 97-point-whatever percent of the population is allistic. This is such an overwhelming majority that it is all but impossible to get by if you don’t know how to adapt.

For any allistic readers who are struggling to conceptualize what it’s like to live inherently outside the norm (which is understandable), I’d explain it like this: top live in allistic society is akin to being in a play where everyone else knows all their lines, but you don’t even have the script. Everyone keeps telling you, “it’s easy, just memorize the script!” and ignores you when you try to explain that you can memorize just fine, the problem is that you never got a copy of the script to memorize from. Still, nobody will give you one, and if you don’t work at picking up little clues here and there as to what your lines are, you will have a very hard time of things. Quite the conundrum! This is where the benefits of masking comes in.

I actually think it’s really important and empowering for autistic people to understand that everyone is ‘acting’ to some extent. Autistics just struggle with it more because the desire to do so is less innate, and because we do not get access to the same level of information as an allistic person does (ie. you can manually learn to read social cues all you want, but it won’t do any good if you’re not picking up on said social cues to interpret). It is also culturally foreign to us, because we tend to value authenticity in a way allistic society does not. If you imagine it this way, it becomes (slightly) less of a burden and more of a tool that you can wield. You can learn the rules well enough to know when it’s worth breaking them. You can gain a level of autonomy that so many of us crave.

In my experience, autistic people tend to see this sort of thinking as manipulative — which it is — but in fact it’s normal social manipulation. Or, maybe expected is a better word. It’s permissible by society, if not by our internal moral code. I think this a nifty little tool for self acceptance; it allows you to see these decisions as functional things for your own benefit rather than as a show you put on for others. I also think autistic people are, on average, well equipped for the skills needed to do this, the innate researchers we tend to be.

So, that’s the first piece of this — understanding the culture you were born into, and learning how to live in it. Here are my, uh, ASDs, if you will, of developing that sort of cultural awareness.

Advocate & Accommodate

One thing I do think autism advocates are largely right about is that allistic society spends far too much time and energy trying to un-weird us. There are autistic traits that are limiting, distressing, or objectively an issue — and those things are worth working on — but there are many autistic traits and habits that are subjective problems. That is, they are only ‘problems’ in that they are culturally strange to allistic people. This also goes for adaptive things that, by adulthood, many of us needlessly deprive ourselves of despite the fact that it would make our lives better at no cost to ourselves or anyone else, all in pursuit of an unattainable ‘normal’.

By this I mean little things, like managing sensory issues, or engaging in activities that are meaningful and joyful,though atypical they may be. As an adult, you can do things like cut the tags off your clothes, or wear your socks inside out to avoid the seams, or use children's fruit-flavoured toothpaste if mint is too much, or carry around a fidget toy, or eat the exact same thing for dinner every day, and nobody even has to know! It’s such a pity that so many of us have been asked to feel shame about our needs to the point where we will ignore them even when meeting them does not come with consequences.

I think autistic people often have somewhat-too-flexible mental boundaries (or ‘poor theory of mind’, I guess) and are so used to acting that we feel like we always have an audience. It’s important to learn when we don’t. It’s confusing, granted, because allistic society does judge, they’re just not omniscient about it.

Likewise, it’s important to learn when not to care about the judgement. Something that has made my life somewhat better is being more open about my diagnosis in the sense of specifics. I don’t generally go around telling people I’m autistic just for their understanding (though I would if I found it productive), but I will say things like, “I don’t want to be annoying, but I’m not going to pick up on hints that I am, so if I’m bothering you you’ll have to tell me directly and I’ll do my best to stop”. Personally, I feel less stressed when my intentions and needs are clearly stated. This is not culturally ‘typical’ for allistics, who are often much more indirect… but I’m not trying to be culturally appropriate; I’m trying to bridge the gap

Script & Study

Many allistic social norms are actually highly scripted, and if you study the reasoning behind it you can build a set of relatively easy social algorithms that can help keep you from getting stuck. I highly recommend giving this a try; I have found that it lets me have a degree of control over something that is frustratingly illogical to me, and it helps me engage with the world sans-shame. Again: I’m not stupid, I’m (cognitively) foreign.

If you are an allistic person reading this, I implore you to use a bit of cultural relativism here as I try to explain the machinery behind things that, to you, might seem base-level inherent to personhood. You don’t think about these things because they are fundamental building blocks of your culture, well-normalized by the way you grew up, but they are not objectively correct. They are only correct through consensus, and, in the case of an allistic person vs an autistic one, because you have a brain tuned to these sorts of behaviours.

Basically, my theory on this is that it’s a lot easier for autistic people to do uncomfortable things if there is a clear answer to “why”. Autistic people value logical reasoning; we can learn the reasoning behind allistic cultural weirdness. If you ask allistic people these sorts of “why” questions, you will often get an answer along the lines of “that’s just how the world works”, or “because it’s polite”, or “because it’s the right thing to do”. Ask “why” again and people get upset because they don’t need to think about that stuff… but there is an answer, they just don’t know it. It’s innate to them, or they’ve intuitively picked up on it. For autistic people, this is our second language, so we have to understand the grammar — so to speak — in a bit more of an active way.

Where I (and many other autistics, I think, going off of what I see in autistic spaces) get stuck is in the ambiguity of neurotypical social interaction. We are literal, black-and-white thinkers in an indirect, wishy-washy culture. This is what I mean about one’s manual reading of social cues being only as good as their perception; autistic perception for social cues tends to be bad, because we work in fundamentally opposite ways to allistic society. Where allistics are indirect, autistics are direct; where allistics value conformity, autistics value authenticity; where allistics need interpersonal rituals to establish their hierarchy, autistics reject the rituals and the hierarchy. It leads to building algorithms that can go something like (for instance) this:

As you can see, you end up with 19 possible outcomes, which is a lot to sort through! It’s easy if you can directly follow a path, but remember: that requires a lot of information that an autistic person might not get access to. Or, sometimes the answers are ambiguous. It’s entirely possible to not only get stuck before getting to the right solution, but to get stuck before reaching any solution at all. I chose this example of small talk because, in my experience, it trips a lot of autistic people up even if they know how to solve it in theory. “Does this person want a genuine response” is a really hard question to answer if you do not understand the norms behind it.

I think the idea that our social skills are not lacking, but merely different, can coexist with the understanding that this becomes a disability when it is such a small proportion of people. You have to understand that autistic people (including yourself) don’t do things for no reason. Our social actions also have a logic to them — more of a logic, in my obviously biased opinion.

… Don’t?

If you are doing conscious cost-benefit analysis, then you can also decide what is not worth masking for. Remember, this is not an exercise in coming across as allistic, it’s an exercise in getting the most out of your life as an autistic person in an allistic world.

An example would be that, personally, I don't really care to put effort into making good eye contact not because I don’t feel self conscious about it, not because I don’t know the purposes it serves for allistic culture, not because it never limits me… but because I’ve decided it’s not worth it. The cost (finding it hard to focus and think, hindering my ability to communicate effectively) is not worth the benefit (allistics thinking I’m paying attention ‘correctly’). I have a hard enough time with oral communication, why would I make it worse for a superficial benefit? If you can justify these little things to yourself, I think it becomes much easier to accept it when people are upset about it. I know I accommodate them much of the time, so I don’t feel any shame asking them to accommodate me on major functional things — that’s called give-and-take! If people aren’t okay with that… well, most of the time they are not people I want in my life.

This also goes for things like recreation. I think you should simply not go to parties if you hate them, instead of trying to force yourself just because you (or someone else) thinks that’s what you’re “supposed” to do. You should not work on “diversifying” your interests just because people think it’s wrong to care so much about something repetitive or mundane. You should not change the media you consume just because others judge, you should not give up what brings you joy for completely arbitrary reasons. If you know what’s arbitrary and what is, well, slightly less arbitrary, then these choices are easier to make.

After this, you can shift to making choices to, at different times, either adapt, consciously not adapt, or to find people who are easier to connect with. That last bit is key, I think. It’s important to find yourself a metaphorical enclave of ‘expats’ of allistic society. This is invariably going to include other autistic people, but it can also include those who are otherwise ‘other’ and more willing to adjust communication styles. These relationships are, in my opinion, generally best when they stem from a connection aside from autism — from a shared interest or activity, perhaps. In my experience, these relationships with others of our culture can be not just fulfilling, but also healing in that things make sense for once. I know how to talk to autistic people in a way I’ve never managed to grasp with allistic people.

I don’t think that experience is uncommon; one of the core differences between autistic and allistic communication norms is that the balance of “information sharing” to “emotional negotiation” is tilted differently. When I talk to other autistic people, I am always pleasantly shocked at how smoothly it goes. We don’t waste time on emotional subtext: if someone has a concern or feels hurt, they say so. Otherwise we simply pass information back and forth, which is enjoyable if you like the same sorts of information. Having people who share your culture and can do such things is vital to a happy existence as a minority.

So there you have it: a different way to view autism, and a less stressful way to make it through the world. I hope this has been helpful, or at the very least has encouraged you to question what you perceive as ‘normal’ or ‘obvious’ — in yourself, or in others. Like I said: it’s a two-way street! We just have to care to understand each other, and keep perspective when we don’t.

[vamppeach]

Ok I was already planning on sending you an ask saying "sell me on eah bc I already like mh and fashion dolls but generally am not that interested in Disney adjacent things but me and my student watched 2/3 of a YouTube video clip of it today and I am mildly intrigued" but then I saw your meme that's like "please ask me about eah" so now I Have to ask you about it

AASSAASBAHHAS AHIIIIIIII BADGER HIIIII I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT EVER AFTER HIGH AUDIFGAWDWH. i'm just going to focus on what intrigues me personally about ever after high and hope you can parse my ramblings i just have so many thoughts about eah. head full.

the basic premise of eah is the children of fairytale characters attending a high school where they learn how to fulfill their fairytale capital D Destinies, where their parents attended before them, and their parents' parents, and so on -- culminating in a coming-of-age ceremony where they sign the Storybook of Legends and pledge to follow in their parents' footsteps. Just, an entire society BUILT on the FOUNDATIONAL PRINCIPAL that we follow in our parents' footsteps and we know EXACTLY the path our lives will take from THE MOMENT WE ARE BORN. like HELLO??? Imagine you are the daughter of Sleeping Beauty. You live your life knowing someday, without warning, you will fall into a 100-year sleep and when you wake up everyone you know and love will be GONE they will be DUST and you won't even get to say GOODBYE and you KNOW this from the moment you make your first friend!! THATS SO!!!! eah doesn't delve TOO hard into the fridge horror of their setting but they don't ignore it either. knowing that she will someday sleep for a hundred years is foundational to briar beauty's characterization and you can see it in everything she does it's fuckin. bro. what. christ.

or imagine you are Cinderella, and you have your first daughter, and you know from the moment you hold her in your arms that someday in the near future you are going to die. and your death will doom your daughter to a childhood of abuse and servitude. what the fuck.

anyway the story kicks off when Raven Queen, daughter of the Evil Queen, refuses to sign the storybook because hey actually she doesn't WANT to be evil and poison her bestie Apple White (daughter of snow white) and this shakes the entire school. Apple White is so MAD at Raven for refusing to sign but she's not really mad. she's terrified. Apple's future was so CERTAIN and she knew that so long as she did exactly as she was told for the rest of her life, she would have a happy ending. obey the status quo and she'd be FINE.

Raven refusing to sign the book creates a kind of schism in the school: Royals -- those who benefit from the status quo and don't want to change it; and Rebels -- those who agree with Raven and want to change their stories, or simply don't want to sign the book.

personally this whole premise speaks to me as a kid who grew up non-cishet in a cishet culture. like. you begin life with the foregone conclusion of future heterosexual bliss (even if Daring Charming basically uninteresting to you and you don't have anything in common and you're more like acquaintances but yeah you're gonna get married someday obviously!). then something comes into your life that shows you WAIT BEING GAY IS AN OPTION? and for some people that's relief (like for raven) but for you that's terrifying because now there are OPTIONS. also later on in the story, it's revealed that even some of the adults in the story have been bucking their Destinies for years but ONLY BEHIND CLOSED DOORS BECAUSE WE HAVE TO MAINTAIN THE STATUS QUO NO ONE CAN KNOW WE ARE GAY CHANGING OUR STORIES. i think this could also speak to growing up neurodiverse in a world built for neurotypicals but i haven't lived as much of that experience so i leave that for you to go insane over in your own time.

i think ever after high is also neat as like. a very self-aware look about the cultural DNA present in the stories we as a society tell and re-tell and how those stories kind of shift with the times but the DNA remains? it's baked into the setting! Snow White and Apple White don't fulfill the story of Snow White in precisely the same way but they both fulfill the important story beats. how far can you push that basic story until it's unrecognizable as Snow White? pretty far it turns out! because it's in our literary DNA!

in addition to the fairytale characters, there are also children of alice in wonderland characters, and they attend the school but they are, in-canon, distinctly culturally separate from the rest of the cast and i think that's neat. Raven Queen is best friends with the daughter of the Mad Hatter (probs my fav character she is soooo. audhd. daughter) & she is literally the outside perspective which is neat. also she can hear the story's narrator (who is ALSO a character). no one else can. just her.

finally, it's just like, a really charming show, not too heavy and still engaging? like, all those themes are 1000% there and you don't need to dig very hard at all, but it's equally enjoyable as like. a show designed to sell toys. kind of like mlp: fim? it's a show meant to sell toys but the themes are meaningful, it was clearly written with so much care. and also it's a show for kids, so it's never gonna be too intense.

anyway. it's a story about refusing the status quo. it's a show to sell toys. it's about not wanting to become your parents. it's about gay people. there are even cute dresses.

[martyrbat]

Hi! Um, I thought I would offer you these panels from utrh of Dick with a knee brace, as per your last few posts about disabled representation in comics. Also indirectly answering that other anon who said that representation in comics isn't exciting and can't work with them being superheroes...

And I mean, you can totally write intriguing and interesting stories about a character coming to terms with their disability and figuring out that while it makes them different from who they were before, they're still a fucking hero. (Like Babs becoming Oracle after losing the use of her legs. Making her walk again and be Batgirl again... Idk how you can call that anything other than ableism?? She's seriously cool as Oracle, that def didn't need any retcons.)

Anyway, I think the problem is that many people associate being disabled with ableist prejudices of helplessness, without even being fully aware of it. Which is exactly why more rep in any type of media would help!

my friend! your post is as wonderful and insightful as always and thank you so much for the panels, i forgot which comic they were from! this it was exactly what i was referring to and imagining when talking about his knee brace, thank you again!! i love how its something that allows him to continue being a hero and that it just exists instead of being a big plot point. just casual and normalized use of mobility aids my beloved <33

and absolutely agree in it creating interesting stories of them adapting and handling the changes they need to make because of their disability and how it doesn't make them weaker! i think to this panel from the batman chronicles specifically:

[ID: Barbara Gordon smiling at white birds as she's in her wheelchair. Behind her un-detailed people are walking as they go about their lives. Her hair flows slightly in the wind and her internal narration boxes read, "A little over a year has passed since my old life ended, since I died and was reborn. The shadows remain, but only to give contrast to the light. I am no longer a distaff impersonation of someone else. I'm me - more me than I have ever been. My life is my own. I embrace it, and the light, with a deep, continuing joy." END ID]

the entire issue is so well done in her voicing her discomfort and fear and anger at her sudden disability and the change. because of course its frustrating to have that sudden change. of course she feels lost when she based her purpose on being batgirl, something that depended on her being physically abled. and seeing that voice and feelings being represented alongside of it highlighting and showing that she still has purpose and is just as powerful and capable of doing what she loves is so <3 she found her identity, not as an extension of anyone else but just as herself, as a disabled woman. and how happy she is!

i think abled people tend to be so uncomfortable with the idea of disabled people (especially physically disabled people) being happy or still being powerful. they hate the idea of disabled people not being weaker to them while also hating the anger and frustration that can come with being disabled. they hate seeing us successful and just as capable and hate seeing us as human rather than a "poor victim" to put up on a pedestal for inspiration porn that makes them feel better about themselves.

we're allowed to "motivation" to them as they simultaneously think its unnatural for us to be happy or successful on our own. we're either looked down at or held to standards that abled people arent - never to be equal. im allowed to be just as pissed off as someone that can walk and move around freely. i should be allowed to be as messy or rude as someone thats neurotypical without being viewed as a child to pity or as someone that should be better than them in my behaviour. i should be allowed to be smart and sexy and funny and complex as anyone else. my disabilities doesn't make me more or less of a person. it just makes me a person thats disabled.

disability is such a broad spectrum. from paralyzed, needing canes or wheelchairs or any mobility device, needing hearing aids or anything that's physically noticeable. to chronic pain and neurodevelopment disorders and other invisible disabilities. and everyone's experience is different with each one and its so vast. the opportunities it allows and how fascinating and empowering it'll be to see this range and how these characters handle it is unbelievable and such wasted potential. from dealing with the sudden frustrations and limitations to it just being part of them.

it can literally be one panel in a random comic that says nightwing needs a knee brace because of worn cartilage and have it be part of his character casually and consistently. have an ongoing arc and theme of random brain injury side effects because of the head trauma hes taken and have a moving moment in being reassured and how he struggles with it. have something.

theres so much they can do and just refuse not to. the only reason disabilities isnt represented is pure ableism, there is no excuse.