#I know plenty of adults who still have very nerdy lifelong interests and hobbies and stuff
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it's almost like I can feel my brain shifting and I hate it
#I have talked before about feeling like I am changing. feeling like I am losing all my interests#and I am really feeling that today and I hate it#there is a part of me that wonders if this is just growing up? but I don't think so#I know plenty of adults who still have very nerdy lifelong interests and hobbies and stuff#I just feel so incredibly bored. nothing sticks#I imagine this is what it is like to be 'neurotypical' about your interests and I HATE it#like mentally I am healthier. but I would trade it all to not come home every night and then sigh deeply and go 'now what?'#I would trade it all to be able to actually care about a tv show or anime or video game or character#I am trying to force it almost with batman and cod stuff but none of it sticks. I don't really give a shit about the og works or fandom#I keep trying furry stuff and cosplay stuff and ttrpg stuff and none of it lasts longer than a couple days at most#I don't feel like I care about cats or dragons or fantasy or transformers or lotr or ANYTHING anymore#I am just doing tasks to keep my life running and finding little to no enjoyment in so much of it#just constant constant boredom#and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix it. I hate it here
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