#I hope the lack of art doesn’t kill me…

[slashthrashandcrash]

This weekend I’m going out of state for 6 weeks which means no art for about a month and so instead we will have to resort to……….writing

[charmedreincarnation]

Hi Maya I was one of your first anons back in March and I manifested my dream life. i just wanted to share some things that helped me, and hope we can all pass some knowledge so we all get our desires life. I did, you did, and everyone reading this can and will so let’s all try to help out by sharing a little of our journey. I’ll never create a blog because tumblr is a mess, so I’ll just share them here bc I trust you as a creator and I hope you agree with what I’m saying. Even if you don’t these are my assumptions and my truth

il get into my methods in one second but users of tumblr there are only 4 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE LAW (Inspired heavily by you bc I used your blog religiously) I will say you’re kind of too nice and I wish I had someone to yell at me like this, and tell me to stop being a victim!!! So if it sounds aggressive it’s because it is in the best loving way possible.OKAY SO.

★you need to understand that you want to fulfill yourself in imagination because you don’t care about the desires only how you feel about it. Bare with me it sounds stupid I know. But I don’t care about men or how they feel about me. I just want to feel worshiped and love, and I could fulfill that in my imagination. I don’t care about money??? It’s fucking paper !!! I just want to feel secure and financially free and want the feeling of buying my favorite clothes without looking at the tag. I GOT THE SAME FEELING FROM PINTREST EVEN WHEN I WAS POOR GODDAMNIT. I didn’t care about getting all As in school when I’ve always believed school is not a representation of intelligence. I wanted to feel recognized adored and respected which I had to feel for myself in my mind before it projected. I don’t care about looking skinny, I just wanted to feel snatched, I wanted to be envied, and feel pretty. And in my mind everyone wanted to be me even when I was ugly and fat. BUT I DIDNT FEEL FAT. Even with no change in the 3D I had my desires. This applies to all your desires, and you really need to understand that.

★you can affirm,visualize, understand states, understand non dualism, use the Bible or Torah m, wall twerk and say “I AM THAT BITXH,” use sats YADADAA . No one cares it doesn’t matter. you don’t have to feel anything or, even believe in wth you’re doing. As long as you think that having it in imagination means it’s yours that’s all that matter. I’ve read so many teachers, Neville, Abraham, Abdullah, Edward art, paid coaches, and they all do different things but say the same thing. FAITH IS KEY. That’s all that matters. Don’t let anyone you otherwise or tell you what you have to do. All teachers were once students, all success stories were once struggled failures, all masters were once lost okay. You are god so have some faith in yourself.

★YOU ARE GOD. You know what a god is, you know how a god works, you know god can do anything with a snap of a finger, kill anyone with a thought, look anyway it wants, have anything everything and create whatever. You are an omnipotent loving creator so create and give yourself everything.

★you can’t over consume, you can think from lack of whatever, and doubt can’t hinder you unless you think it does. Having a desire does not mean you’re lacking or else having the wanting for it would mean that too no? When creators say that I want to slam my head against the wall. Even now I have all my desires and I still think about them constantly. Thinking of new clothes to buy with MY WEALTH, I think of new food to eat that won’t even affect my SNATCHED BODY, i find new places to try and explore bc MY SOCIAL CIRCLE IS HUGE AND IM SO LOVED, I think of new makeup up to try to enhance my GORGEOUS PRINCESS FACE. I think of it in the same way from when I didn’t have my desired (I always had them in imagination but you know what I mean.) so there is no thinking from lack, or else you’re always lacking it lmfao the fuck. Anyways I doubted my abilities up until I manifested my dream life. I was okay with it in imagination and whether it reflected or not it was my escape I was content with. DID YOU SEE THAT. I had doubts up until the very end, and it doesn’t mean shit unless you think it does. Just affirm having doubts and obsessions only speed up your results. That’s really all it is.

Now to my story if anyone cares. I won’t make a blog for reason number 2 and 3 listed above. That’s all you need but if you want more info for curiosity go for it. I know I was curious and that didn’t stop me from getting my dream life. Anyways I have the same story as about everyone else here. My life sucked, I found the law, and it worked! HOORAY!!! But how did I do it???? Easy peasy, in a couple of steps.

☞ I tattooed my four rules above in my mind. When fear and doubt emerged I sunk that shit like the titanic and went with my laws that I created. It’s literally called the law of assumption like come on, stop fighting with yourself when you assume and create reality.

☞I ignored anything that I didn’t agree with. Sometimes I’d get so mad and be like WHAT NO WHY WOULD THAT BLOGGER OR COACH OR ANON or whoever say that?? But am I dumb ??? each of us have our own reality our own bubbles. The fact that it works for them and not for me started to only motivate me more. It doesn’t work bc I assume sooo… sooo why not just assume the opposite and focus on my rules like they did. The law is always in effect and working. Either it’s in your favor or it’s not. It’s up to you

☞I used affirmations bc repetition is the only thing that works for my logical brain. Anything can change with repetition. It’s basic science. So in the morning and night time I would affirm. ONCE. Repetition meant for me doing it everyday and not wanting. The rest of my day was lived in my imaginations. And the affirmation was to remind me in my vulnerable state that I already have my desires. That’s why my affirmation was “I have my desires no matter what, and everything I do brings them to me faster than the speed of light” it was kind of funny and made me chuckle but I accepted it as facts. Look guys…

☞I didn’t repress myself. If I cried or yelled or told myself “FUCK YOU” it wasn’t me tf. It was the devil or something. Be like those Christian fuckers who when their child comes out as gay…it’s the devil within them or whatever. I would talk to myself, yell when doubt emerged and when my thoughts weren’t the ones I wanted. It wasn’t fucking me so get the fuck out I have my desires so who tf are you ??? It will feel weird but you’ll get used to it trust me. If you’re uncomfortable it’s working. Getting rid of bad habits and your comfort in dwelling in bad thoughts is uncomfortable but it’s worth it.

I manifested my dream life back in March. I LITERALLY WOKE WITH MY DREAM LIFE. A complete 180. I won’t talk about my past life bc I completely revised it and I’m the only one who remembers so for the most part it feels like a long nightmare that has past. I’ll just talk about what I changed instead because that’s the stuff we all want to hear. Anyways I’ll just post some of my list here.

♥ my life feels like the song rich kids by freak ocean

♥I’m a pretty spoiled princess who gets everything I want but I’m still kind

♥I revised my entire family from looks to personality to zodiac to religion and etc. i rewrote my story which included my family

♥I have natural admired intelligent

♥my family has a net worth of 500 million dollars, and my entire family stems from old money. (Think aristocrats not slave or colonization money)

♥I can play many instruments and speak many languages

♥ I am 5’2, 100 pounds, I have natural stunning vixen beauty, and the most desires body in the world. I’m the beauty standard and people either want to be me or date me. I am naturally skinny and have no worries about my weight, I have clear skin that only gets clearer with my skincare routine, and I have my desired personality where I’m kind but also don’t put up with any shit from anyone because I know I’m that bitch. I also have great style and embody a princess !

♥my life is a combination of my favorite watpadd stories, Gilmore girls, gossip girl, and mean girls.

♥ too many people pursue me I have too many options

♥I have a perfect school life, social life, family life, friend life, and people always wonder what I did to be “so lucky it’s unfair”

♥my family has multiple mansions in America, monoco,Australia, france, and China.

♥I’m a daddies and mommies money girl

♥I put myself first (I HAD SUFFERED TOO LONG I NEEDED A SOFT LIFE)

♥everyone’s purpose it to make my life easier and make me happier

♥I’m spoiled and privileged in every aspect of my life

♥I’m a master shifter, and manifester

♥I revised my age to 14. I was 18 and graduating but I wanted to redo high school how I had envisioned it all my life

♥I have a “cool mom” people are always jealous how lucky I am

♥I have my main estate in Hollywood hills with my family that’s in a gated, gorgeous, gate kept neighborhood. It is 30,000 sq feet with my dreams decor, dream cars, dream pets, dream house help, dream room with all my stuff saved on Pinterest including decor, furniture, clothes, shoes, makeup and skincare.

♥everything good in my life I have manifested and it’s too much to list. THERES NOT REASON FEAR OR WAIT. Do what you want and assume it still works and it will.

You honestly said it better than I could have. Literally every single one of these points are so valid :)!! I’m glad you think I inspired you love but all I did was allow you recognize your own godly abilities. I’m very proud of you, and have fun girl 🥹❤️

Also. “All teachers were once students, all success stories were once struggled failures, all masters were once lost okay. You are god so have some faith in yourself.” This one million times !!!!! Invest your faith into yourself more than anyone else and you’ll see how fast your reality conforms. I also adore your point about the state of lacking bc I never believed in that. If wanting your desires insinuates it’s not yours, we would have no thoughts since that’s where it all originates from. In fact Edward explains it pretty well.

When Edward looks at lack, he sees it as being something that is only brought about by the individual. He believes that your own actions, thoughts, and attitudes will bring about an artificial scarcity of resources. Edward says that this artificial lack of resources is not actually real—it exists only in our minds, as we focus on the things that we don’t have rather than the things that are available to us.

He believes that true lack only exists when someone has no access to resources—whether those resources be financial, physical, mental, or emotional. When someone has access to resources but they squander them or don’t use them to their advantage, it isn’t a lack of resources that is at fault—it is the individual’s personal choices and attitudes that create the feeling of lack. Same way we see attractive people feel ugly though they have women or men chasing them, modeling opportunities, and experience many examples of pretty privilege lol. You’re a hot girl.. you’re just not using it to your advantage, same way you have everything in imagination and access to anything yet… nothing bc of your own perceptions. That’s not lack. Simply inappropriate usage of recourse. A waste for better use of words.

[ririabeam]

𝗕𝗶𝗿𝘁𝗵𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗗𝗲𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

—

I drew this to cope with my birthday depression.

Took 5 months. I also wanted to beat my old manhwa from 5 years ago.

-- Long post ahead! It's my WIPS and thought process. --

Junko is my comfort character as she's the only character I know who hates her birthday.

(Screenshot from Ultimate Talent Development Plan)

I know she’s a villain who has done a lot of bad things, but finding comfort and liking her doesn’t mean I excuse her actions.

A lot of painful feelings went into this, even in Mukuro's perspective so please respect it 🙏🏻

—

- WIPS & Thought Process -

—

Story Script Writing:

A lot of thoughts and feelings went into my script.

-I removed sentences like “For giving me cake!” as I wanted to do more showing than telling.

-“Why do you seem so happy Mukuro?” is changed to “Why are you smiling like that, Mukuro?” as I wanted the sentence to focus more on the thing Ryoko noticed. Mukuro would definitely be happy celebrating Ryoko’s birthday, and the new sentence would help to understand how Ryoko interpreted that Mukuro was more happy than usual.

-“good day” is changed to “great day” for greater emphasis of Ryoko’s happiness.

-A pun is done on “live”, I wanted this sentence to convey the complicated feelings of Junko. She doesn’t want to “live” a “fabricated happy lie” as it goes against her honesty moral. But there’s also a part of her that doesn’t want to kill Ryoko, as she doesn’t want to “leave” this “fabricated happy lie”. She wants to be happy as Ryoko, even if it’s a lie.

This part is a big reference and a reply to Danganronpa Zero.

The background texts are quotes from Danganronpa Zero.

Junko saying “What the hell? Hope?” is a reference to Danganronpa Zero’s ending:

Reading Danganronpa Zero feels like it’s saying something to me: “We are trapped in a loop of despair and hope.” and I’m replying with this part as a “Yes, I agree.”

Junko being confined in her mind is another thing I like about her too. 

I feel the moment we are born, we are trapped, that’s why I ended this comic with “I wish I wasn’t born.”

The moment I’m born, I’m unwanted and worthless, a monster.

I’m trapped in my mind, in other people’s judgements and expectations, and there’s no way out.

I can’t just turn invisible and there’s always something for people to judge and hate. And that hurts when it’s something important to you or you can’t change about yourself.

But even with all the pain, I think of hope to carry on and it’s a loop to fight to live.

I think I make progress with healing but then I’d think wth I’m made to work on this. Cause my life is already scripted from the moment I was born— I’m scripted to have this trauma, this story made my personality and character so in the end I’m still trapped.

So that’s another reason why I find Junko a comforting character and why I feel birthday depression.

I thought of the story first before I thought of the characters who would play it, so I had to make sure it’s in character. 

Things like if Mukuro would say “AU” or “Alternate Universe”. I felt since she spent a lot of time with Junko who knows a lot about these things, she would have heard of this and know the short form term for it. Especially since she had to be Junko at some point.

Since it’s a story about Birthday Depression, my thoughts instantly went to Junko then to Mukuro. It was the perfect story theme to write for them especially cause they are the despair sisters. 

Plus, they are two characters I can feel their struggles and feelings deeply for, so I can write and draw deeply for this story.

Birthdays tend to be happy, and I felt the only kinda right time I can talk about my birthday depression would be on their day.

I felt suffocated and lost myself over the past few years, as I felt I needed to be happy no matter what. When I opened up about sadness and my struggles, people would hate and invalidate me for it. I feel my art reflects that, I don’t like looking back at my old art. It lacked my true feelings, but I feel I’m finding myself again in my Mirai Nikki and Danganronpa art.

For the past few years I tried to celebrate my birthday to try to make myself happy about it but in the long run it didn’t work. I appreciate everyone who celebrated with me all these years still, but now I’m trying to overcome it in another way— facing despair instead of trying to cover it with hope.

I think I’ve learnt a lot about myself and understood myself better through this comic’s process.

Layout Plan:

You can see that things were changed in the final from my layout plan X’D haha

In page 2, Mukuro’s 1st panel is changed so composition is better.

In page 3, after seeing Ryoko as Junko, Mukuro is reaching out her hand instead of placing it on her chest. I wanted it to feel like Mukuro wants to reach out to Ryoko at that moment, like trying to get a wish she knows isn’t real.

In page 5, binary code is replaced with texts from Danganronpa Zero’s story so it reinforces the idea of “a life already fully planned out”.

Lining Process:

I struggled with this part the most as anatomy and poses is not my strong point.

I asked my friend, Setsuya, for help with my poses and redrew the same pose many times for this comic. I really wanted to convey the feelings for this comic right especially since it’s very personal to me. Big thanks to her for helping me so much, I feel I improved a lot from this! 🥺 <3

1st panel of 1st page is the hardest to draw, I’m laughing at my first try of Mukuro who looks like she’s forced to be there 😂:

With suggestions from my friend of how to improve, I tried to improve everyone’s poses:

^ 

Mukuro’s pose was changed to look more fondly at Ryoko, happy to be there and relaxed haha.

Ryoko’s pose was changed to look more delighted and happy about the cake (Which helps to convey the line I removed from my script, “For giving me cake!”)

Matsuda’s pose was changed to look a bit more annoyed about still cares for Ryoko (shown by him still looking at her from the corner of his eyes even though his head is turned away)

And haha I forgot Ryoko’s legs can be seen due to the table frills being transparent, so I had to go back and draw her legs X’D

For this panel, a lot of thoughts went into what things I should place, how they are placed, and what kind of items it should be e.g.

I wanted it to tell the story of what happened before all the characters gathered here, what their feelings are towards each other, and how they are like as individual characters :3

I was thinking Mukuro and Matsuda love Ryoko so much they spoil her by buying a giant cake haha X’D So that’s why there’s a plastic knife instead of a real knife— to show that the cake was bought.

I think they decided not to cook as they would fight about it… (idk if they know how to cook tbh)

I chose strawberry shortcake cause white = purity and red strawberries = blood X’D Kinda like Ryoko-

I was about to draw neatly cut and placed cakes but I think... Ryoko is bad at cutting… X’D so the cakes are lying flat with the cream a bit splattered on their plates.

The table cloth, spoons and plates are all elegant and neat cause Mukuro prepared it for Ryoko :3 I don’t think Matsuda would be able to do that since he seems to not be a tidy person X’D but I do think he probably decided these items and arrangement with Mukuro :3

Here’s a random joke Matsuda + My roughly drawn Promised Neverland manga cover before I squeezed it on to his book haha:

I was going to make Matsuda read Megaman at first like in canon, but I felt making him read “Promised Neverland” was fitting as it helped me bring some foreboding to my happy setting. Like the promise never landed cause I’m going to break my happy promise/premise X’D 

I felt it was fitting too as Matsuda wasn’t met with a good fate like the Promised Neverland children.

Plus I feel Matsuda would like a genre like that, or perhaps he wouldn’t mind anything as he is a laid back character.

This pose was changed so Ryoko would look more reserved and have less of a romantic vibe? Cause the intertwined fingers felt a bit more romantic and off to me, as it wasn’t the vibe I was going for.

Feat. The paper sketch is my friend helping me with anatomy X’)

While writing sentences and drawing for Mukuro’s scenes, I was thinking of experiences I’ve gone through before and the feelings I felt then. 

The way I wished things could be different. I kept having dreams of happy endings I wanted to happen but then I would wake up to the tragic reality and cry.

The way I was suffering on the inside but still held on to this thing I perceived as “Hope” even though it was killing me and could be seen as “Despair” in another POV/or I already knew it was bad for me but it was also my only hope.

Symbolisms for this panel:

Carrying a candle-> holding on to hope/a wish.

Candle not blown out -> Mukuro's wish didn't come true (blowing out a candle means bringing your wish on smoke to the good spirits above to grant your wish) , her hoping leading to despair.

My pose was changed here as it is more natural for the hands to be like that, plus the other hand holding on to the arm greater empathise how Mukuro is holding on strongly to this candle.

The candle is melting and the wax is getting on her hand, burning her. Still, she refuses to let go which empathises how much she needs to hold on to this. Even as she grabs her own hand causing more pain from bleeding, she still needs this “hope.” 

Some colour tests for this panel:

I was considering blue fire because blue fire is stronger than red.... but then if it is a wish of hope, I was considering yellow too... but maybe it would be too happy? 

Mukuro is feeling sad and wishful in this panel. 

I ended up going for blue fire which gives off yellow light for a purposeful contradictory colouring— to show that what is perceived as despair can also be perceived as hope.

^ Some exploration for the poses here so I can figure out which conveys what I wanted to convey the best. I like the poses where Mukuro is reserved happy, Ryoko is more playful(?), Matsuda is more relaxed.

^ Exploration for the Junko slash pose. Ended up just going back to the original pose I had planned for the layout.

I found this super hard to draw as I’m not good at anatomy, drew it quite a few times and deleted as I couldn’t draw it right. In the end, my friend drew that pose reference which helped me get it right in final!

Reasons why I chose the original layout pose in the end:

Strangle pose-> I don't want to strangle Ryoko, not because it’s too violent or graphic or that she's 🥺uwu and I can’t kill her-

I just feel Junko doesn’t completely hate Ryoko... a part of her wants to live a happy life after all

But she can’t, that's why the words "A fabricated happy lie, I don’t want to live this!"

It's a lie and it's against her value (honesty).

Sword slashing pose-> Junko is directly jumping towards and has no hesitation slashing Ryoko. This feels off cause it’s too violent which doesn’t convey the message I want.

Sword is also stronger than knife, which would hurt more.

When I see the knife and how the body is twisted a bit away in the original layout pose, it works better as I can see some control to the slash so it's not full on hatred and anger towards Ryoko.

Random full drawing of this Junko before I cut it off for composition.

I find it easier to get the anatomy right if I draw the full thing and draw through everything.

^ I’m super sad at my failure for this :,) I didn’t intend it to be like that 😭 

It’s too hard for me to draw, so my friend helped me again and I chose a pose and studied her pose and drew the whole pose again:

I chose the 1st pose because the angle of the faces there best shows both character’s facial expressions and the emotions are the most important for this scene.

Plus 3/4 angle is better than the flat side view one as it helps make this scene more dramatic!

My friend helped me with the position of Junko’s tie:

reached max images for this post so,

WIPS continued in another post

[choslut]

˖ ࣪ ، ◞ せ⌇ THE COLOUR RED. featuring yae miko.

↻ yae miko loves staining her dearest darling with her favourite colour.

tags : shibari, implied dom/sub dynamics, overstimulation, voice kink, slight hand kink // wc. 0.8k

author’s note : ‘m soooo tired… TT i’ve been trying to cook up a new theme in time for kinktober but my head is empppptttyyyyyy… but never too empty to think about shibari with yae miko!!! this is the only wlw work on here but it’s the one i’m most proud of, so i hope you enjoy it as much as i loved writing it <33 as always, notes and reblogs are much appreciated !! and feel free to check out my masterlist for more of my work if you really liked this.

this work is NSFW. minors and ageless blogs DO NOT INTERACT.

YAE MIKO’s favourite colour is red. it’s a colour she sees every day during her shifts at the narukami shrine, and although some may grow tired of seeing such a vibrant colour every single day, she is one to never tire of it. it represents what she lives and works for, and although purple may seem more fitting due to her affinity with the electro element and its archon, red appeals to her a little more. 

that’s why she’s decided to tie you up in beautiful, winding red ropes, and decorate the smooth skin of your neck with glaring red marks. 

for her, the colour red is much more than just a colour. it’s the colour of her love for you, and as she pulls the crimson rope a tad bit tighter around your chest, she knows that in that exact spot, the red fluid flowing through your veins will come to a stop. 

“does it hurt?” her playful voice turned sultry echoes through the confines of your blurred mind, rendered helpless by the lack of blood flowing to your brain. “make sure to tell me if it hurts, my dear. i don’t want to kill you.”

the position she has you in is nothing short of a work of art. your arms are folded neatly behind your back as you sit on your knees on the futon, staring up at here with nothing but love and lust swirling in your eyes. you nod slowly, and she bares her sharp teeth in a smile, sliding her perfectly manicured hands under your chin and pulling your face up to look at her. 

“this is something i’ve always wanted to try,” she starts, “shibari. i’ve only ever read about it in those erotica novels at the publishing house, but I could never find anyone willing enough to let me experiment with it. i do hope i’ve done it right.”

you suspect she has, given the way the rope rubs against you in all the right places. It rests just shy of your nipples, pulled tight enough so that it doesn’t hurt, but provides just the right amount of pressure to your areolas. the stream of red runs its course under your arms, wrapping around your arms and trailing down your spine until it rests in between your asscheeks, pulling in between your legs and resting against your agitated clit before making its way back between the valley of your breasts. 

it’s beautiful. it’s torture.

it’s downright torturous the way the rope rubs against your clit every time your chest rises and falls with each breath. miko must’ve been crazy to think something like this wouldn’t hurt, because it definitely is, but in all the right ways. “miko…”

“what is it, my flower?” you half expect her to kneel down to your level, but such actions are beyond her prowess, so you settle for craning your neck to look up at her. “are you feeling alright?”

no, you want to scream, but her voice, smooth like butter, slices through your panic like a knife, and suddenly your muscles relax as you give in to the beautiful pain of the ropes straining against your skin. “feels weird, miss…”

ah, yes. you’ve finally let it slip. it didn’t take much to get you to submit, yet here you are now, words tangled like the rope against your flesh as you beg her for even the slightest stimulation. “does it, now?” miko is acting dumb. of course it feels weird, it would for someone experiencing this for the first time. “but i thought i tied the ropes in the right places that make you feel good, my love.”

it does feel good. oh, god, it feels good, so much so that you can’t even muster up a sentence to express it, instead trying (and failing) to rub your thighs together to grasp more of the feeling. 

“ah, ah, ah, my dear,” she chastises, waving one perfectly manicured finger down at you. “the beauty of this…” her finger hooks under the rope tied across your chest, “… is that you barely have to move. relax your muscles. feel it.”

so you listen to her, and you feel it. miko’s fingers trace the knots of the rope carefully, and she watches curiously as your eyes flutter shut and you succumb. it’s such a pretty sight, watching you finally let go, and when she suddenly tugs harshly at the central rope, you lurch forward, body trembling in waves as your orgasm washes over you. 

it’s so much, it’s almost too much, and she only laughs at your quivering form. “humans display such interesting emotions.”

PREVIOUS : FWB ft. a. hayakawa NEXT : BABY MOMMA ft. k. nanami

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© choslut 2024 — do not copy, repost or translate my works without permission.

[beachbunnyofficial]

musings on announce

Lately I’ve been feeling hopeless, not just hopeless but numb. The state of the world is horrendous and I’ve been consumed with the news, practically swallowed whole. We just announced our third album I should be thrilled - I’m not. I’m just going through the motions. From a personal standpoint I worry about how I’ll find my footing. I use to be so confident in what I was writing, now it just feels like creativity is pointless - maybe everything feels pointless (I know that’s not true). I’ve been comparing myself a lot lately to numbers and career moves. No matter what achievements I cross off it feels like I’m always chasing something bigger than myself, a feeling? Maybe I’m expecting to feel something I’ve never felt before. Maybe you don’t feel new emotions at a certain point. Is the excitement I felt winning a trophy in gradeschool the same excitement I felt headlining a fest? Hard to say. I worry my audience is slipping away even though they sellout shows and send me love letters. I feel anxious about how songs are performing when my label, manager, and booking agent all assure me “everything looks great”. My mom told me the other day when you’re at your peak it’s easy to see how far you could fall - maybe that’s what this is. I had no control over my Initial virality and now I’m trying to hold on with white knuckles. I feel guilty - guilty for being ungrateful, guilty for whining, guilty for getting jealous, guilty for not being excited - so many people would kill to be in this position. I think above all else, I’m afraid. I can’t control what’s happening to the world & maybe I’m projecting that unease onto my career - something Ive convinced myself I can micromanage. My ego’s in the drivers seat. If I tune out that could make me complacent. The discomforts a good thing… right?

I worry if you the reader - if you’ll like this album - we’re old friends meeting up for coffee after a couple years of radio silence. It’s awkward because from my end it seems like we had a falling out, but on your end maybe it feels like we’re just picking up where we left off? I can’t tell. Are you mad that I changed? Are you upset that I was distant for a couple years? Do you understand I needed some time to work on myself? Do you wish I would go back to the old me? It’s embarrassing to be insecure…I’m not always like this. But my goal is to capture how I’m feeling authentically, and as of February 15th, a week after announcing Tunnel Vision, I’m not feeling like my best self

I wrote a lot about these worries on the record - lack of control, overthinking, letting go, jealousy. I thought if I could capture those emotions in a song I could exorcise them from my body. I need to remind myself I am not my emotions, I am not my career, I am not a machine. Just a girl in Chicago trying to make some artwork about the complexity of the mind and the hardness of world. I thought at this point in my career the jealousy and comparison would be over and done with. I hope I can convince myself this body of work is important, I hope I can stop checking in, I want to not care about how it’s received. I wish I didn’t care what you think.

I should be proud I made something I truly like, with messages I still stand by, and songs I think are cool. That has always been my philosophy, where’s that now? Where did she go? I feel whole when I’m in community, when I’m watching a show I enjoy, when I’m listening to Lana and eating a bagel, I feel whole when I’m praying before I fall asleep, I feel whole when I sing karaoke, or play a gig, or when I make a new friend, or when I get to reconnect with a loved one. I feel whole when mimzy sleeps on my head and eats my hair, or I’m hugged so tight all the air leaves my lungs, I feel whole when I drink a glass of water and put on sunscreen. Checking doesn’t make me feel full, it empties me out, lowers my vibration, casts a shadow on my confidence. I need to let the art exist without holding a gun to it, I need to let myself relax without assuming the world is ending

xoxo beach bunny

[tuliptic]

What Is My Purpose Here On This Land

This is for all, but especially for those with existential crises. We’ve wondered what we are meant to do, do we have a purpose being on this planet, and many more questions continue to feed our brains. 

Close your eyes, meditate on this topic and ask yourself the question: What messages does your weary heart need to hear? Breathe in and out, make sure your mind and heart is calm. Then, open your eyes to see which pile talks to you the most/draws you in the most. Once you’ve found your pile, scroll down to the respective parts to see what are the messages for you.

Pile 1    -     Pile 2

Pile 3    -     Pile 4

Disclaimer: This is solely for my entertainment purposes. Take only whatever that you feel like it. If it doesn’t resonate, it’s okay to just drop it. That aside, I do not consent to my work or here to be used by third parties on this platform or other websites.

Decks used: Luna Cat Tarot Deck  (Major Arcana), Linestrider Tarot Deck, Flower Petals Oracle Deck, Sweet Dreams Oracle Deck, Starcodes Astro Oracle Deck, self made lyrics deck.

Pile 1: The Rose

A card to represent you: The Chariot

One funny thing when I was shuffling this deck was that this card came out tumbling. It was like.. Upright, reverse, upright again. I’m taking this as a sign. You like taking the wheel. You’ve been through the ups and downs as you journey ahead, sometimes lacking direction, learning self-discipline throughout the process, learning the importance of strength and will, finding balance, and driving to where you are right now. There’s this determination that you’ve gained from past experience, and you’re still driving ahead. A word of advice is to be aware of your own focus level, and to take a rest when you’re tired. The journey of life ahead is long, and it’s always alright to take a break now and then. For some reason, I also feel some of you may be travelling right now, or intend to travel in the future. Make sure to prepare a proper itinerary and have emergency numbers saved! 

1. What is my role here on earth? - The High Priestess

First word I’m picking up is healing. You’re the person who answers to the cries of help, being the Universe’s hands in providing aid to those who pray for it, to be that gentle beauty without losing your thorns. You’re called to be the healing energy, to be the kindness that people need but may or may not deserve. Not to put a burden on you, but you probably tend to be kind and subconsciously heal or watch over those who need your help, even strangers, and even people who do not deserve those kindness. (There’s this nagging behind my head that reminds me of the people in Gotham who did nothing yet yells for help/salvation, instead of fighting and protecting their “loved” ones.)

2. Have I achieved it? - The Fool

You’re only starting on this journey. Or maybe have yet to start on this journey. You probably realised this uhhh ability of yours very recently, or have only decided to really start doing something on it. See, realising this ability/skill doesn’t mean you have to do something about it. You may realise your skill for art but not continue cultivating that skill. It’s the same. You’ve probably stopped all those questions and try to take out that first step to do it. You’re killing your doubt step by step, betting in yourself and trusting in yourself to do something entirely new. (Yes, ITZY’s Bet On Me is playing as I write this.)

3. How to achieve it? - The Sun

There are so many things embodied in this card: brightness, hope, ray of hope, and more to come. What I’m feeling from this is mainly warmth, asking you to just be this Sun, to shine just as you are. It’s gonna sound weird but imagine healing rays? I’m cringing and having a weird face as I type this out. But yeah, just be who you are, to continue doing what you do. Just know that your presence is like a walking energy-purifier, lifting up the spirits even by smiling to strangers or wishing them a good day. You can attempt to try doing something else, for example, being more active in volunteer work in nursing homes and shelters, playing a part in activist activities, or even taking up counselling courses to help people out. These are only some of the many ways that are available. Most importantly is that you do kindness with kindness, not to have any ulterior motives behind them.

4. Why do I need to do it? - Seven of Wands rx

The world is changing, more and more people are experiencing a feeling of defeat and overwhelmingness, including you. All are called to make a change, and this is your part in the pledge to make a change. We have arrived at a time of change, and actions need to be taken. People have been fighting among themselves, you may even have been having conflicting thoughts and contradicting beliefs. Peace has been taken away, and instead of fighting to get back that same peace, it’s time to recreate a new peace that will work for this new world. A new structure is needed, and you’re one of those first few people who are tasked to build things anew again.

5. What can I learn from it? - King of Pentacles rx

What you’ll be learning is not only based on what you’ve experienced, but from what you’ve observed. You saw the fall of those who have been obsessed with earthly riches, those who have been paying attention to the materialistic realm, and have forgotten to nourish their soul and mental energy. The downfall was harsh and painful, reminding you that balance is needed in every aspect. From there, you’re gonna continue spreading kindness, letting the scars of the past be a reminder of what has happened, and how you’re gonna redirect the course of your energy.

6. How am I supposed to transform from it? - Knight of Pentacles rx

Self-discipline will take you to a lot of places, and will also be able to take you to places that you thought you never would’ve reached. This gift of yours, this purpose of your is not to let you be more spiritual, but to be more down to earth. You’re supposed to be the bridge between the spiritual themes with the practical, existing world we’re living in right now.  From this, you’ll also be able to get connected to your roots, your family, your ancestry, even get connected to your race. I hope I do not get into trouble with how I phrase myself here hshshs. But y’know how colonialism has affected a lot of things, like religion and even language. I don’t quite remember where I heard it, but Tagalog or Filipino, languages of the Philippines, have Spanish influence in it. Or how Christianity kinda replaced the other folk religions with how it’s being brought in. So yeah, you’ll need to do the dissection to find out which was the original, which you wanna connect with. You define your own roots, and you take charge of it.

7. What is the self-fulfilment level? - The Tower

Whilst you dream, you clear your mind of all negativity and your spirit will be refreshed. With that, you’ll charge ahead, doing everything you can until you feel that you’ve changed the world. It sounds really idealistic, but if you need to remember the catastrophic energy that The Tower brings. The change is not gonna be small, and you can’t do it alone. You’ll work ahead, without knowing how long it’ll take. You then make friends on the way, working towards the same goal but with different tasks, slowly but steadily paving and painting a new path. Just like the straw that breaks the camel’s back, your tiniest effort shatters the restrictive and unhelpful rules that were oppressing the people.  That’s what you’re meant to be, that’s what you can achieve. But I need to remind you that this self-fulfilment level differs for everyone. One can feel content by doing small things, while some want the satisfaction that comes with doing great things. They are all valid and powerful acts in their own ways, and no one can deny the effort and effect that comes with it.

Overall energy: The Fool, Ace of Pentacles

Overall, you’re called to take actions to start a new chapter of your life. You’re the main character of your own story, you’re the one who decides how you want to paint your journey. However, whatever that you’re intending to do, remember to not do it alone. A solo trip is fun, but a journey? It’s best to have people joining your cause to support each other. Remember that there are other animals in The Fool, cuz one is  a guide and the other is a guard/support. The energy of rebirth and transformation comes heavily in this pile, and sometimes, it can destroy you in the process. Proceed with caution and with faith. We are praying for you as you travel.

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Pile 2: The Mirror

A card to represent you: The Sun

You attempt to be a person to bring warmth to people around you. The Sun shines warm lights, and that’s something you enjoy as well. But sometimes, when anger gets hold of you, you tend to burn people around you, accidentally or on purpose. You don’t really use the reason “I didn’t mean to”, because if you injure people, you totally mean it. It’s probably due to them crossing your boundaries repeatedly, and you didn’t want to hold back any longer. But still, the card wants to remind you of who you wanted to be. Do not let anger cloud the true you. Let out that anger at the right person, and go back to who you are, the warm and accepting you.

1. What is my role here on earth? - Judgement rx

I don’t really wanna use the word here but you’re called to learn the karmic lessons in the past, may it be the current past or your past lives. There are times that you hold on to your values, yet the world continues to challenge you, which may have made you question what is the meaning of you being here, what do you need to do to get out of this cycle of unfairness. Instead of fighting it, it’s time for you to discard the mask of pride that you’ve been wearing, and accept that unfairness is a part of life that you need to go through. Once there's acceptance, you can build a new structure (structure on how you go through problems, or building up new values or habits, or anything else that can help you). Humility is what you need. And stay away from humiliation. These are two very different things. People taking credit over what you do is… Something you need to be aware of. But. If there are people out there who take credit over what you do yet accuse you of copying or shit like that? Fight.

2. Have I achieved it? - Seven of Pentacles

This is something that will take long to achieve it, but you’re still on the way. You probably have noticed this… Thing? That things have been unfair and that it is too tiring to live, and you’re somehow somewhat struggling through life. Sure, there are times that are fun, but you know that fun does not last long and once it’s time, you continue crashing the waves and pressure life gives you.  You feel like you’ve been doing this forever, and things just don’t seem that they are turning better. Have faith that it will. Belief is a skill that comes with birth, you just need to hold on to it, believing that things will resolve in the end. Which it will. The struggles will become lighter eventually, because hard work and effort pays off.

3. How to achieve it? - The Magician rx

There are some other untapped talents in you, and it’s time for you to unlock them. You need to be able to find them and develop them. It’s not something you can easily access to, but it’s something you’ll need to practise and to get good at, and then to use them wisely. This untapped skill of yours may be something spiritually related, with you standing in between humanity and spirituality. You need to be aware to not fall into people’s traps, and to make sure that you do not manipulate others in the process. I feel that this pile may have some talents or skills in manipulation and deception (either you’re aware or not), but you can choose to not do so. Remember, if you choose to do so, there will be more things that you’ll lose. The Magician talks about alchemy, where you use one thing to exchange for another of equal value. 

4. Why do I need to do it? - Nine of Wands

There’s a resilience that you need to learn, encouraging you to pay attention to your rights, believe in yourself and defend your position or property. It is time to gather your experiences and life lessons, to reflect on what life has shown you. There’s this hint of spirituality that you’re also called to evaluate - to see what it has to offer in your life, to see how you can use this to make it another life lesson/asset of yours. You need to remember that the process of learning can be difficult and challenging, but you can also make it fun, make it lighter. Unlike in school, where you learn without passion (for most people), you are now learning new things because you’re interested in it. So yeah, learn through playing and experimenting, celebrate each growth and resilience you’ve unlocked. I hope I’m making sense here.

5. What can I learn from it? - Four of Cups

I doubt that many who pick this pile are happy with meditation, but this is one thing you’ll be learning. There’s a need to reevaluate yourself, and realigning values within you. I’m having some difficulties in forming my words, because it feels like your pile already knows about this, but in some sense, refuse to do this, refuse to acknowledge this. You’ve probably heard a lot of this kinda talk, where you need to do this and that to achieve that enlightenment. You really didn’t like that, and you still don’t like it.  Yet, this is needed. You need to go through a long while of silence, a time of reflection, to make changes and to be reborn again. It’s difficult, you may cry again and again, because you’ve been in darkness for so long, slowly giving up on whatever ways are out there. Know that it can’t be any darker than this, and it’s also a chance for you to recognise light, and to embrace that light.

6. How am I supposed to transform from it? - Five of Cups rx

You have to accept pain has been crucial in your growth, and walk away from it. It’s time for you to move on, and you’ll find yourself to be more… Accepting? Acceptance is a huge theme in your reading, where you acknowledge that this has happened, and you accept it, and then move on with life. As long as you accept something has happened, that weight will be slowly lifted away from your shoulders. You won’t be able to move when you’ve been crushed by all those unhappiness (or even happiness) that you’ve been holding onto. Focus on wholeness, learn how to take things up and put them down, continue on with the journey of letting go.

7. What is the self-fulfilment level? - The Hierophant

The Hierophant is often related to religion, and it being paired with spirituality speaks even more so. I’m not saying that achieving enlightenment (don’t mistake it with the Buddhist term, please) IS fulfilling for you, but it is one step to achieve what you wanted - release. Life’s burdens have been pulling this pile down, and what you want the most is release, release from responsibilities; release from fears; release from expectations; release from this endless cycle that has been trapping you. You’ll need to invite in a new thought to be released from what has been tying you down, and it’s time for you to be reborn again.

Overall energy: The Lovers, Eight of Cups

There are times where you need to make decisions between two choices that were offered to you. Oftentimes, you want to pick neither, but life decides it for you anyways. Either paths will lead you to where you’re meant to go, so why not stand still for now and listen to your life? Looking at it may be distracting, as there are a lot of worries and neon lights around. Make a cup of drink, sit down, put on your earphones and play some soft music. You might be able to hear something.  One thing I have to mention is that there’s a heavy Pluto and karmic energy I’m sensing from here. It’s like… A huge circle, a cycle, where things happen again and again. You’ll need time (and a lot of time) to complete this cycle, only then you can break free from there. Some may feel dejected, but do remember that every step you’re taking right now is bringing you closer to the end. The Mirror is also here for you to reflect, to see who you are, and to see who you are Inside.  Make this promise that you’ll be kind to yourself, appreciate each step that you’re taking and celebrate the small wins.

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Pile 3:  The Key

A card to represent you: The World

This pile is giving me a very comforting and secured energy. Paired with this card, those who picked this pile may have completed a project, or have achieved one of their goals in life, or are close to closing an existing project with success. You may also be one of the fixed signs (Aquarius, Taurus, Leo, Scorpio) or have them in your personal planets.  Another thing I’m picking up is that some of you may be looking out for new projects to start when you haven’t reached the end of the current project. Take a step back, do not rush into things quickly. Sure, an end speaks of a new beginning, but you need time to plan a proper project and to recuperate from the exhaustion of the previous project.

1. What is my role here on earth? - Three of Swords rx

I’m seeing more of a guide here. You have been through difficulties in life, and from those, you’ve gained experiences, insights, knowledge and wisdom. With that, you’re tasked to guide the rest who are going through a hard time this round. It’s difficult because kindness isn’t something everyone is equipped with, and for you, especially, you may find it a lil bitter. This is where you challenge yourself to step outside of your comfort zone, to try something that you’ve never thought of, or even detest. But you gotta do it as the path you step on is the road to growth and illumination.

2. Have I achieved it? - Knight of Wands

You're charging towards it, albeit a lil reckless. You do have the passion in it, and you’re more than willing to be the change, even wishing that the change is something that can change the world. You can’t wait to experience the storm and thunder, wanting to feel the same scale of impact.  However, you need to remember that passion can dissipate quickly, like how it started. There might be transits in your life, maybe Mars is transiting one of your personal planets right now, which gives you that impulse of wanting to achieve something. You are in control of your response, but the actions of other people and events are not. Do not be dejected when people reject you, but continue ahead without that recklessness.

3. How to achieve it? - Ten of Swords

You will be able to achieve it by going through defeats. You’re one who learns through actual defeats, the pain, remembering the falls of life through your body and soul. From there, only then you can compile those you’ve learnt and observed into a book, for your own and other’s references. At this phase, you may feel pulled between one path or another, and pushed to make a decision. It can be quite tense, but don’t avoid it. These tense situations build your strength, getting you ready to fly. Do not bend; do not submit defeat, continue ahead to chase after your ideals. Let that resolution and will to be your light.

4. Why do I need to do it? - Two of Wands rx

There’s a fear in you, not knowing what you are meant to achieve. This could be a personal goal for you to focus throughout your lifetime, building yourself up, giving you an unnamed courage to find your inner power. I feel that you may have subconsciously (or maybe consciously) compared yourself to people around you, wondering where in life you are, what you’re meant to do. To counter that, you need to set a personal goal, to have some sort of inner alignment, and figure out what you want to achieve. Do you want to appear as a confidant people turn to? Are you keen on sharing thoughts and experiences to make people’s lives a lil bit easier? Try taking a notebook and writing your goals down, and see what you need to do, or what you should stop doing to achieve that. It’s time that you activate a certain switch in you to be that fire (either to warm or to destroy. It’s up to you).

5. What can I learn from it? - The Hierophant, Ace of Pentacles

I feel that you may be even able to start something, maybe a support group or a club, especially in a religious context. There’s some form of finances involved in it, so yeah, maybe a support group where you guide others, and others guide the others, and let the leaves of the tree expand. Finances will be involved in terms that there are donations coming in, which you may use to assist those who are financially needy.  You’ll be able to accept this new side of yours, and be more willing to reach out your hands because you could physically see how this chain of kindness continues on, holding on more hope that things can actually change for the better.

6. How am I supposed to transform from it? - Judgement

It is time for you to reevaluate your life, what meanings you want to fix to your life. There may be a calling to change your life or open your heart to new possibilities, to new responsibilities or a new field of work. The horn in this card symbolises that there may be a wake-up call from the world around you, telling you that it’s time to stop being in your head, to see the world for who it is, and how you’re supposed to make changes, or answer to those changes. Change can refer to something tangible and immediate, or the whole way one sees life. In fact, you may have already changed without realising it.

7. What is the self-fulfilment level? - Five of Cups rx

There’s a release from pain and suffering. The pain and suffering does not necessarily mean something physical, but something that’s more on a spiritual level. Y’know how sometimes one can feel… Empty and blank? That. That is actually suffering on a spiritual level, because you have no direction, no guidance, and sometimes that could feel suffocating. Some out there could just go along with life even though they have no idea what to do, and it’s cuz their direction of life is to go along with what the journey has to offer. What you’re doing right now is just standing there and looking blankly to where your eyes are looking, which increases the weight in your chest and legs.  Through this, you’ll be able to find a proper direction and the awakening that comes with it will elevate you. Walking again after you’ve been standing so long will be uncomfortable at first, but take small and steady steps. You’ll find yourself running again soon.

Overall energy: The Star, Four of Swords

This reading talks about hope and rest, and how they come hand in hand. I felt a weight on my chest as I was typing the self-fulfilment part, because of how heavy the desperation and feeling of loss is. Know that The Star is shining a gentle ray of hope, consoling you that things will be better. The Star may not be visible all the time, especially in the daylight. But know that she is always there, and you can hear her whispers in the night, when you think you’re about to fall. Be kind to yourself and share your beauty as well as knowledge with those around you. But remember to take rests as well. You can’t afford to do much when you’re having a burnout. It’s alright to fall, but remember to rest and stand up again. Your passion is your greatest drive, go for it.

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Pile 4: The Word

A card to represent you: The Magician rx

I feel like you’re currently standing in the middle of two different things, two very different and distinct fields (like science vs arts, realism vs spirituality), not knowing where to head to. There’s some sort of pull from both of them and you’re feeling very, very torn.  However, remember that the Magician is someone that has a lot of skills, and has been acting as the bridge between the physical plane and the spiritual realm for a long time. You, also, have the skills to bridge between the various fields/things that are scattered across. As the bridge, you can see the connecting and overlapping points, and you can build out from there. You honour differences and expand.

1. What is my role here on earth? - Two of Swords rx

Your role is to take out the blinds that were covering the people’s eyes, including yours. You are called to stop them from hiding or shying away from the truth, making them see what is the truth, calling them to face reality. For some reason, I feel that you may have not been very liked at home due to this nature. Your parents may think that their reputation or status as parents should not be challenged, but you couldn’t care less about it. What you cared about was that justice and truth be upheld, and you won’t hesitate to rip anyone apart if they tried saying otherwise. This, in turn, has created quite a huge confrontation when you were growing up. But are you stopping there? No. You will continue your role of wake up call, but only once or twice. You’ve understood that there are always people out there who want to run away from the truth, and you’re not gonna waste your effort and time on them.

2. Have I achieved it? - The Chariot rx

You’re currently in a fallback. You took a step back to look at the options available and to reevaluate the situation. You realise that you were having a narrow goal and vision tunnel, which will cost a lot of meaningless sacrifice. You may have thought that it was okay to let your horses run without holding the reins, but now is not the time. You’re now evaluating and weighing the pros and cons, which are the items that you want to invest your time and energy on, finding out where your passion lies. A word of advice: Do not be afraid to try multiple things. Nothing is fixed in stone. Just like you may discover a new favourite dish later, you may also discover a new skill that is useful.

3. How to achieve it? - Page of Cups rx

First of all, you need to kill your doubts and fears. Fear is one main thing that’s stopping you from trying new things in different fields. There are always new things out there waiting for you to try, there are new opportunities that can’t wait to come to you. Being protective of your own energy is important, but you need to get out at times, to talk to people, to learn their ideas and train of thoughts, to see things from their point of view. This way, instead of tearing down the blinds covering their eyes, you’ll be able to verbally convince them to take the blinds down themselves, which is a much gentler way. Be honest and true, even to your fears. Accept them, and they might reward you with something special.

4. Why do I need to do it? - The Fool rx, Knight of Pentacles

I’m seeing some form of heavy responsibility here. You are not tasked to enjoy or to have fun, but to be like a defender, a protector, even a fighter or truth. Unlike The Fool, who goes on new journeys having fun, you are stationed at a place, guarding the gates, making sure those who enter are those who have earned it. This responsibility is not randomly placed on people, but it chooses those who vow to bear witness to the truth. Obligation is a word that’s also relevant here, where you’re also willing to bear this duty. Not sure if you’re doing this because you want the truth to be known or you just wanna spite people by forcing them to look at their wounds. It’s all up to you.

5. What can I learn from it? - Page of Wands

It’s like… A stone egg hatching. You thought that it was a stone, from its rough and hard exterior. But in reality, it’s actually a dragon egg. You learn that miracles happen in various forms, and that one really needs to think of the various possibilities and potentials you hold, even the ones that sound impossible. It’s alright to fail, it’s alright to fall, as long as you continue to climb up and attempt, you’ll be able to see the glory that’s arriving your way. Glory is a huge word but it is what it is. Stop losing focus and get that glory in your hands.

6. How am I supposed to transform from it? - Eight of Pentacles

You can transform into a gem by polishing and honing your skills. If I were to compare and describe, I’d say that you’re a jade as compared to other stones out there. It takes a skilled master to recognize the green under the hard and dusty exterior. Now, you’re that skilled master, and you’re gonna trim and polish the rock to reveal the gentle green in it. It can only be done little by little, and repeating the process until you see that gleam of green. And that’s what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna polish your skills day by day, night by night. Repetition of the task can sound mundane but that’s needed for you to be able to gain precision. This precision can be used in a lot of places, such as knowing the fine line of breaking the truth harshly or choosing to not say a single thing. Sometimes, people have their pride, and that precision will be able to help you to observe which line to cut, where to stop.

7. What is the self-fulfilment level? - Ten of Swords rx

Through this, I’d say that you’ll be able to let go of the past hurt that you have. There is a lot of anger and pain, especially when you recall how you were treated unfairly. You weren’t in the wrong, but you still get attacked. Now, you’ve learnt how to see things from their side and handle them properly, you’re now able to move on from that anger. It’s difficult, but at least, that chapter of your life is ending. You can close that book, and move on to the second book of your trilogy. Life’s a journey, make the rest of it worthwhile.

Overall energy: The Star, Seven of Cups (Strength hidden behind that keeps wanting to show up)

The Word in this picture is Love. Redirect that love to yourself, allow hope to shine on you, and accept that gleam of hope. Opportunities are coming, but you need to learn how to differentiate them from the illusions or wishful thinkings you’ve made. Fret not, you have the strength, the power to discern them according to your inner code of morale. You have what it takes, so practice courage each day. There’s a new you in the future that’s waiting for you. They seem eager, and prepared to take you onto a new journey, to see the new sceneries that come along with it.

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Thank you for reading!

[dnpanimationstudioclone]

Niffty’s Bedroom🐛🛌

With how much fun I had making my own version of Angel’s bedroom, I wanted to continue, next with our creepy crawly girl Niffty!🐛

For anyone wondering. She's residing within the janitorial room of the hotel. Not like she wasn't offered a regular room but likes it for the certain conveniences. On the other sides where the actual cleaning supplies & other typical janitor stuff is, with a sink where she washes up/stores her personal toiletries. Hence why there’s some cleaning/bug killing products on her shelf. She uses them both professionally & casually. And I haven’t thought fully of it yet but I imagine she etheir bathes/uses the can somewhere else within the hotel or Alastor manifested her own personal bathroom in the room for her. A lil while back I actually talked about her room prior

Def inspired a bit from 50’s furniture/decor. Def a girl attached to a bit of that past nostalgia, for better or for worse.

With her much smaller size, decided to put her bed into a compartment on her shelf. Filled with a polkadot sleeping bag with a matching pillow & stuffies🧸

She’s also made plushies of the people around her, fav at the moment Baxter 🐟

like the spider elements for Angel’s room, I wanted to allude to Niffty being a centipede/involved with insects 🐜🐛🐞 def wanted to show that with stuff such as the bed plushies, decor, etc. though compared to his room it’s much more subtle(it’s not exactly a part of her, she brags about for reasons).

I wanted to show her interest with sewing more with the embroidery decor, personal lil crafts table, temari ball(Japanese embroidery ball she made herself), knitting basket, and stuffed dolls she made herself! She also has a mannequin she uses as a model when she’s making new outfits. She may occasionally also stab it when “releasing tension”🔪 🪡

Added some Japanese elements such as the tatami mat & chair, flowers on her bin, the daruma doll, the temari ball & the kotatsu with the flower arrangement(ikebana) to show some ties into her Japanese roots, even with the “American style” she had to adapt.🇯🇵

A lil lore on the Daruma Doll. They’re used for wishes. U think of your wish when u fill out one eye, then you fill out the other when it comes true! Plus they can come in other colors, not just red. Different colors have different meaning. U can probably guess what the pinks about @the-burd-lord made this for me💖.

Got a clock radio(50’s rule) I imagine was a gift from Al that may or may not be a vintage Vox-Tech appliance back in the day before he got more modernized📻

Wanted to show lil bits of her “bad boy” interest with some pinups, sexy fireman calendar(git the idea from @stillwaitin76. The pinup’s Rocky(the bull coworker of Angel). She’s also got a body pillow of him she tries to hide from other people(that long pillow peaking from her bed)

Added a hell plant by the vent(that she def goes into hence the lack of bottom bolts) that doesn’t need too much light along with the decoration on her table. Beside it’s one of those crystal bead fresheners(lemon scent 🍋)

Like Angel, she’s also got a record player(very 50’s iconic)! Has a lot of love songs, 50’s stuff & even some Japanese songs. Above is an Elvis Presley Incubi impersonator poster! Hellvis Presley!

For her books I added a lot of cleaning/cooking and housewife guide books(the housewife one’s a reference to a 50’s article, Good Wife’s Guide) 📚 aswell as a scrapbook for her memories, arts n craft book, writing book & personal diary 📔

Under her bed/bookshelf’s where she stores her fanfic/fanart she creates along with her “collection”.

Added some string lights to add some warmth into the place.

What do u guys think? I’d love to know💖 I really hope we’ll get to see her room along with Husk’s & more of Angel’s in S2.

[randoimago]

Day 13. Selkie Rohan x Reader

note(s): Rohan and Selkie is definitely an interesting combo and I hope I wrote this alright!

requested by anon

Rohan wasn’t really looking for romance or anything of the sort. Humans fascinated him and gave inspiration for his stories. So shedding his skin and living as a human was easy for him where it may be difficult for others of his kind.

Of course, once he started growing famous from the manga he’d write and draw, he needed someone to manage his schedules and things. There are still many human concepts that he doesn’t grasp or care to take time to understand. And that led to him hiring you.

He didn’t really speak to you in the beginning, figuring you’d be like other humans that saw him as a pretty face. Rohan would sometimes give you specific orders, but besides that he let you handle things. Your resume was good enough that he had trust in you, so long as you listened.

Over time, Rohan grew more curious about you. He’d ask questions, learn about things you enjoyed. Sometimes he’d bring up ridiculous hypotheticals just to see your reaction. Although none of your reactions were as funny as when he’d “waste” money on things like a third house somewhere that’s supposedly haunted.

Rohan should’ve known that your curiosity as his… maid? Manager? Whatever job title you had. He has enough money and your resume is good enough to handle a lot of things he doesn’t have time for. But, he should’ve known that your human curiosity would get the better of you.

There was one room he told you to stay out of. But his trust grew in you and so he asked you to get him some art supplies from the room, so long as you didn’t snoop around. Maybe it is partially his fault for not specifying where the supplies were.

Rohan heard you muttering before you came back into his office, holding up his shedded skin with a look on your face like it was gross.

“Is this from another animal you killed just for inspiration?” You ask him and he rolls his eyes.

“You make it sound like I steal people’s pets and kill them.” He ignored the pointed look on your face. “That’s just my skin, go put it back.”

“Your… skin?”

“Yes, I’m glad you can hear.”

He recognized the annoyance on your face from his lack of clarifying. Rohan just let out a sigh as he finally gives you his full attention. “It’s a long story. We’d need to go to the beach for me to explain.”

“Did you kill a seal?” A smirk crosses Rohan’s face at your question.

“You’re getting warmer, but I promise I hadn’t killed anything.” He watches as you seem confused, annoyed, then finally tired of dealing with him being cryptic.

“Fine, don’t answer my question,” you say and turn away. “I have half a mind to throw this away.” He hears you mutter and a look of panic crosses his face. You have thrown away the remains of some mice he’s had as well as snake shed. He would not put it past you to throw out something else you deem as him not needing anymore.

Rohan stands and before you can blink, he has you against the wall, his hands on either side of his head. He’s not trying to intimidate you, especially with the look in his eyes.

“Do not throw it away. I can’t lose it,” he tells you, an almost pleading in his voice. While he has lived most of his life as a human, the sea still calls to him. The idea of losing his skin and being unable to ever go home is torture.

“Rohan, you’re acting weirder than usual.”

He lets out a sigh and looks at you. For a second, he’s curious about the reaction you’d make if he leaned in. But there are more important things to think about and so he steps back, giving you your space.

“How versed are you in mythology and folklore?”

“… Like dragons?”

Rohan makes a face. “Dragons, really?” You look annoyed again and he sighs. “Do you know what a selkie is?” He asks, deciding it’d be easier than having you tell him whatever myths you know of.

“Selkie? I think I’ve heard some people mention something about them living in the water.”

Rohan nods at your words. Considering how close the water is to this town, he’s not surprised that there are murmurs of selkie.

“Well, it’s what I am. That skin you’re holding is mine. I had to shed it to be able to pass as a human.” You look unsure about his words. You probably think he’s lost it.

“It’d explain how eccentric you are.” Rohan makes a face at your words.

“Eccentric? I’m perfectly normal.” He ignores your look again. “If you don’t believe me, we can go to the ocean and I can show you,” he adds, reminding you of that option. You still look unsure.

—

“It’s too cold to be at the beach, Rohan,” you complain and he ignores it as he holds his skin and walks closer to the water. A sigh of relief hits him as he steps into the water, always feeling relief when he comes back, and the skin in his hand begins to stick to him.

The transformation takes a moment and as Rohan treads the ocean water, he looks to where you’re standing on the beach, wide eyed and looking as if you’ve seen something unbelievable.

“This is my true form,” Rohan tells you, unable to help a smirk at your reaction. If he knew this is how you’d act then he’d have taken you to the beach years ago.

“What the fuck, Rohan.” Well you’re still functioning at least.

“Like I told you, I’m a selkie. Go to a library or something to learn more,” he says and rolls his eyes playfully at you. The water always does make him feel a bit more mischievous than usual. “I’m hungry. Want me to catch you a fish?”

Oh your reaction is priceless at that.

It’s rather amusing trying to answer your many questions. Especially when he finally sheds his skin again and you still don’t know how to react. Perhaps it’s still his mischievous nature but he lets out a long sigh, feigning annoyance.

“And now that you’ve seen my true self, we have to get married.” It’s not quite true, but he deeply enjoys your reaction at that.

[teatraps]

Been thinking about Edgar killing Sarai

(Or more so, how it’s often portrayed by the fandom)

A lot of times when I see art of the scene or see how people describe it, it’s made out to be gratifying. Edgar is often portrayed as apathetic or even joyful when it comes to killing him. He kills Sarai as if he’s nothing but a pest, he holds no emotional attachment to the act and it barely weighs on his mind outside of maybe something he smirks at for getting away with and bitterness at what Sarai did to him to get him to that point. This is often the scene people refer to when trying to point out that Edgar is a “bad” person or that he’s gone off the deep end. It’s often treated as a characterizing moment for him, portraying him having a severe lack of regard for another human life in order to fulfill his own needs. However, I started to wonder if killing Sarai was as gratifying as people often make it out to be for Edgar. This is in no way saying people who portray it as gratifying are wrong, there’s not nearly enough solid evidence to prove that, but it’s just a possible other way to view it based on a few things I noticed and saw.

One of the first things of note that made me think this was his hallucinations of his paintings. As most people know, Edgar’s first letter shows us that he’s been having hallucinations of his paintings telling him to harm Sarai. People often pathologise Edgar based on this moment, treating him like a psychological anomaly which somewhat discredits his motivations and centers him being mentally ill instead of what Sarai actually did to push him to this point. This is then often followed by writing Edgar off as unhinged and possibly cruel because of his “abnormal psychological condition”. This is often treated as the first instance of Edgar going off the rails and losing himself; however, it’s often omitted that Edgar doesn’t immediately listen to these hallucinations. As his deductions show, Edgar saw these hallucinations and these paintings as horrible. He burns them because he hates the sound of their screams and (most likely) what they were trying to pressure Edgar to do. He likens them to the people of the aristocracy, which makes sense given they were trying to push him to disregard another human life for his own gain. This is a persistent problem in the aristocracy as shown by Edgar’s narrative. While of course the context is much different, the aristocracy usually doing it for financial gain while Edgar is doing it to get out of an abusive situation, it’s still technically a similar situation. Edgar rejects this idea though, he doesn’t want to think about killing Sarai. He doesn’t want to hear his paintings scream at him to “take his color”. And so, he burns his paintings and suppresses his inner thoughts, as his paintings often represent going deeper into Edgar’s psyche. He sort of dehumanizes himself by suppressing any thoughts of preservation and self in order to continue going along with Sarai’s external dehumanization.

In the same first letter, we also see what Edgar’s ideal solution for the problem was: Sarai just leaving with his lies. A completely passive and nonviolent solution. Edgar simply hoped that Sarai would just stop. He hoped that the abuse would just end, that his education under Sarai would be complete, and that he could just bury all that happened and continue on. He doesn’t seem like he’s looking to fight, he was just looking for Sarai to leave. This hope is then followed by Edgar reflecting on the hallucinations he’s having, egging him on to just kill Sarai. They tell him not to wait. They tell him to take Sarai’s color. They tell him to liberate himself of Sarai. And while this may seem intense, it’s also important to consider what happens to those who wait in Edgar’s narrative. Edgar’s mother waited for Edgar’s father to start caring about her health, he never did and she died. Ella (what I believe to be a better instance of this) waited for her father to find her, leading to her death. Waiting around for someone to care has never yielded good results in Edgar’s narrative, and he’s aware of that. Again, that doesn’t mean he wants to do this, but there’s a sense of understanding that he may have to do it, at least in his eyes. And given that Sarai groomed him, he most likely felt trapped with no other options.

This interpretation really formed in my head though, with his third letter. As Edgar reflects on his life and expresses his grievances with his father, Edgar goes a bit into detail about Sarai and describes what he did to him as “pitiful”. I thought that word choice was interesting because it instills the idea that Edgar feels a sense of guilt or shame about the situation, it was sad for him. A far cry from the apathetic or joyous portrayal of Edgar when thinking about what he had done. Pity implies compassion, it implies guilt, it implies sorrow. The purpose Sarai served was “pitiful”. Edgar saw all of it as “pitiful”. This, to me, outright goes against the idea that Sarai’s murder was gratifying in any way. Edgar’s not proud of what he’s done. He doesn’t call it righteous, or justice, or glorify it. He just looks at it with pity.

(Also, notably very different from the motives that are common in game 5’s narrative since most of the time the characters kill with the motive of justice and bringing righteousness. Contrastingly, Edgar feels no pride or glory in what he’s done. Once again making him stand out from his team)

As I explored the concept of Edgar not being proud of killing Sarai, and the act not being as gratifying as it is often portrayed, I noticed some other very small hints that are more subtle but could also be used as evidence for the claim. For example his b-tier, wanderer, describes how Edgar avoids getting involved in the happenings of the punished because he’s more concerned with his own survival. Taking this out of the context of the three faced god essence and instead trying to interpret it as a facet of Edgar’s character, this seems to imply that Edgar wishes to avoid conflict in order to maintain as peaceful of an environment as possible. He doesn’t wish to fight, as fighting would make it harder for him to simply live. This establishes that Edgar is not a fighter, he doesn’t want to have to get into conflict. Ideally, he wishes to lay low and exist in peace. Edgar not wishing to get into conflict can hark back to his avoidance of killing Sarai (and also probably his avoidance of conflict in game 5, making this a consistent character trait) by showing that his nature is more in line with using more peaceful solutions.

Another small piece of evidence I found was in the description of the letter opener. On the surface, the description seems like a tongue and cheek reference to Edgar murdering Sarai. Though, something about the phrasing caught my eye. “Used to open letters, under most circumstances.” Continuing with the idea that Edgar killing Sarai was not something he desired to do, this description could act as a very subtle way to point out that under most circumstances, Edgar would be using that letter opener to open letters. He would not think to use it as a tool for harm, let alone murder. Under most circumstances, Edgar would not turn to violence. Even the weapon itself, a letter opener, is an odd choice. A mundane, everyday object. Something that might be grabbed in a rush. It’s definitely not the image of a weapon somebody chooses in a preplanned murder. Especially in comparison to other weapons used in his narrative (specifically game 5): daggers, poison, poison covered daggers. All much more lethal options that have much more intentional use. And then, a letter opener. An everyday object almost no one would ever think to grab for violence, unless possibly in a state of panic and pressure. Under most circumstances, you will not find Edgar using violence to solve his problems. However, Edgar’s situation with Sarai was not “most circumstances”.

Now, why is this differentiation important to make when it comes to analyzing Edgar’s character? Well, as I stated earlier, this act is often referenced when trying to point out that Edgar is “bad” or “morally deprived”, using it as a reference to show that Edgar doesn’t value human life and is willing to discard of it to benefit himself (even if it was in the context of escaping abuse). This ends up undercutting one of the most important aspects of Edgar’s character and his motivations, being his love and intense appreciation of life. By adding a layer of regret and rumination on killing Sarai, it keeps this aspect of Edgar’s character in mind. It portrays the action of killing Sarai not as something Edgar wanted to do for his own gratification, but instead something he had to do reluctantly in order to survive. It is something that wracks his heart and mind, and not a decision he made lightly. Part of me is even hesitant to say “decision” as the autonomy of the action is a little debatable given the context. It challenges a commonly seen portrayal of Edgar that paints him as an apathetic, cold, and uncaring character, completely dismissive of other people’s problems and lives. Again, this is not to say that this interpretation is the objective truth, but I do think it could be worth looking into as a possibility.

(Btw: Sarai’s abuse was systemic. We all watched Quiet On Set, we know that kind of exploitation and abuse doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Even in Edgar’s deductions, his father begins to imply he wants Sarai to make an artistic star out of Edgar and his 3rd letter shows how his dad wanted to use Edgar as “decoration”. Sarai’s actions were a reflection of the greater issues of the aristocracy and their exploitation for profit. Just wanna add that since sometimes it feels like people treat Sarai’s abuse as a self contained thing instead of an issue that ran deeper. Even Edgar acknowledges that the aristocracy will still suck whether Sarai is there or not in his 3rd letter because the abuse he faced was due to the inherent structure of the aristocracy)

[elizakai]

UH OKAY DUST X REAPER AND/OR SWAPFELL X NIGHTMARE? AHEUUEHA

omfg i love you i’m jumping at the chance to look at dust x reaper i better see some art somewhere in this fandom OUGH ok

well, dust’s died like how many times now, lets just assume they’ve ENCOUNTERED one another yeah?

⬇️⬇️⬇️

reaper feels bad for him. he isn’t even allowed to actually die, just experience death over and over, only to be thrust back into this torturous cycle.

imagine dust dying in the hall, he’s stumbling away and he just. sees the grim reaper. and he’s like oh shit. well then. *gets thrown back whenever they decide to reset*

reaper visiting a lot because, well, he’s dying a lot, he’s probably gotta. imagine a scenario where they actually get to talk. but its so so brief, dust is never dead very long, and reaper probably shouldn’t interfere otherwise…

(he’d also, be witnessing the deaths of the aus other residence, which. interesting. wonder what they have to say about things. and what reapers response may be.)

(of course this is assuming they interact after death, which i think makes sense with common depictions of the reaper at least)

dust probably chalks him up to a vision he’s having, or hallucination, when he dies, but maybe when he’s given more time, they can have broken up conversations.

like hey, mid sentence he gets thrown back into the land of the living, but HEY! next time he dies, just pick up the convo like nothing happened. “Anyways as i was sayin-“

Another thing to think about is just how SIMILAR dust is to geno. and most of us are afterdeath junkies i think💀

like, dust and geno have VERY similar motivations and go to similar lengths (think of error even)

i think of reaper could come to respect genos desires and motives, he’d feel the same towards dust. reaper always strikes me as a really lonely person, and dust is too for obvious reasons.

i’m imagining a scenario where reaper is just. real bored of just watching. so he starts like following dust around so he can see him. and dusts like ah. cool. fucking phantom ass to add to the list. i’m imagining reaper telling him like no, i’m very real dude, and dust is like haha ok, lemme touch you then

…for obvious reasons he can’t let him touch him💀💥 but that would probably make dust assume he is in fact a hallucination. but that’s ok. he’s an ODDLY nice hallucination.

maybe he even reminds him of the river person🤷🏽‍♀️

anyways, reaper just having convo, dust finding he likes it, it’s pleasant chatter to listen to, and then he’s like damn i really am sick, why am i so attached to this weird ass hallucination

(i’m just idea dumping so hard i apologize.)

reaper would find his conviction kinda cute, if not slightly frustrating. like bro, out here denying my existence, wtf💔

i wonder, if reaper can touch him when”” when he’s in the space of death, temporarily.

that would be cool :,))

if reaper doesn’t show up for a while and comes back dust just, getting happier, he’s got someone to talk to again that isn’t a dead friend or relative he’s killed multiple times.

i imagine dust has seen “death” enough times that, in life, he can “see death�� (reaper)

they gain this weird little affection for eachother ok💔 a selfish part of reaper hopes dust will always get reset…so he can come talk to him

but part of him is also disgusted by the hope that he’s able to just. be laid to rest. what can be done yk?

YOU COULD MAKE THIS SO ANGSTY WHERE LIKE the anomaly suddenly

stops!

and dust is actually on his way to wherever you’d go when you die

imagine, reaper just. guiding him away to whatever afterlife or lack thereof, carrying his soul away and having to let him go. no more coming back.

cries

or yk, we can imagine a scenario where dust gets out of the loop, and they continue to see eachother and have their weird little friendship (?)

dust is like “i’ve seen death, he’s over my shoulder as i walk, whispers in my ear as i lie awake at night. death awaits my presence, and i deaths. i’ve felt the touch of death, and it was unbearably sweet , a feeling i will forever long for”

*horror from whoever he’s speaking to*

meanwhile reaper is just like, telling stupid jokes in his ear and giggling over someone’s stupid outfit, gossiping about the other gods and making dust look crazy laughing at stupid shit

i wonder if reaper could potentially see dusts phantoms, it’s a fun idea. they aren’t REALLY there, but dusts magic is kind of projecting them i imagine, and reaper has seen them when they die. i just imagine him shooing them away for dust, and he’s like naw man pay attention to me instead *slutty little strut*

you could interpret the way death even works a million different ways and have a bunch of different potential even. what if dust were to die and reaper…DOESNT guide his soul away. what if he keeps him. maybe dust wants that. they could “be together”.

maybe there’s an afterlife, and reaper is able to cross the gap. who knows. lots of potential.

they both have hoodies >:3 idc if that doesn’t mean anything

i feel like reapers dark humor would almost comfort dust lmao, it kinda lightens the load for him. reaper can assure dust that their souls are…ok. they’re at peace.

reaper is just happy to feel so validated and seen all the sudden

he can help dust understand how life really works

ironic huh. the essence of death being the thing that gives you a will to live.

just imagine in a time he’s died, reaper not being able to help himself. he just comes in for a hug. and both of them need it so badly. when dust is alive, he CANT touch him.

they both think about that hug a lot <//3

[elbarkla]

Check it out everyone, 3 years of art progress! And I wrote a guide for beginners! 😊

Hi! I’m Laura, age 31. I’ve always drawn occasionally, but never really stuck with it. Frankly it stressed me out. I’d draw for a month, then cry a bunch, then quit for a couple more years. But this time I turned it into a habit somehow. I’ve been drawing near-daily since Feb ‘21 and my life is better for it. Art’s a huge part of me now; it affects how I spend my time, how I express myself, and how I see the world. I feel like a happier, more complete human being.

So here’s what worked for me. This is a guide for hobbyists (I don’t have commercial ambitions) and it may or may not work for you. But I hope you can learn something from it regardless. Without further ado, my thesis:

 ~ Laura’s Steps for Drawing A Lot and Hopefully Getting Better ~

 1 – Manage Your Health 

Know what’s bad for your art? Depression! Glad I got around to treating mine. But for real, if you lack self-confidence you might want to check your mental health. It isn’t the sole factor but it can rapidly overtake the others. Every day I see a post like “how do I improve, every time I try to draw I’m overwhelmed with thoughts I’m bad at everything and a burden to the people around me”. That’s relatable but not a healthy way to see yourself. Low self-esteem can be treated. Please consider talking to someone - you’re a wonderful, lovable person and deserve a happy life.

Also, try to get plenty of sleep and eat regular meals; it helps with everything. Exercise is worth a shot too. Going for walks is good for your mind and body. Yes it’s boring, but boredom gives you space to imagine things.

 #2 – Make It Fun

You’re taking this too seriously. Yes, you. It’s just a hobby. Take the pressure off. Have fun.

What does that mean? It means you need to make art approachable. It has to be a comfort hobby you’re naturally drawn to. That means killing all thoughts of what you SHOULD do. If it makes you want to draw, go for it. Anime characters? Pretty ladies? Fanart? Furries? Doodles from imagination? Zentangles? Pencils? Digital? Do it. If drawing the “right way” burns you out, draw things the wrong way instead. You know who draws a lot? Children. You know who doesn’t draw super well? Children. Have that mindset. Draw like a child. Don’t compare yourself to others; just enjoy the process of creating something. You had that ability once and I know you can reacquire it.

 Intimidated by an empty sketchbook? Don’t wanna ruin a white page? That’s OK; find something you don’t mind ruining. Grab a half-used notebook and a ballpoint pen. You EXPECT those to look horrendous. If you can have fun filling that notebook, you can have fun drawing regularly, and if you draw regularly you can slowly improve your art. It happened to me. I went from rarely drawing to wanting to do it every day. I still sketch in ballpoint now; it’s fun and comfortable.

Also, if drawing’s NOT fun? That’s OK too! There’s loads of ways to express creativity; go do do one of those. For me it was The Sims 3, then knitting, then drawing. Find something accessible and build your confidence up. The world needs bonsai trees and Minecraft castles just as much as drawings. <3

#3 – Seek Instruction

You’ve made drawing a habit, congratulations! You’ve probably learned heaps already; it’s natural to work out techniques as you go. But deducing art wisdom from scratch isn’t super efficient. There’s no need to reinvent the wheel when you can learn so much from others.

You can do a paid course (great way to meet people), but you don’t have to. All the information’s free on the internet! Teachers will cover the same things in different ways or from different perspectives. There’s no exclusive knowledge; the more you study, the more overlap you’ll notice. It all comes together for a more complete understanding of fundamental concepts.

Here’s some of my favourite resources (currently all available free online)(except the Winslow one which was taken down, boo):

  r/artfundamentals, ie. drawabox.com . A great starter course on how to hold a pen, draw lines, build forms and so on. You can follow structured lessons or just practice whatever you need to.

How to Draw: Drawing and Sketching Objects and Environments from Your Imagination, by Scott Robertson. This book’s the gold standard on perspective and great for technical thinkers. It gets VERY advanced but there’s basic stuff to learn from as well. If the textbook intimidates you, try this excellent video playlist by Dan Beardshaw. He walks you through the same concepts in a simple approachable manner. Vital information if you want your work to look 3D.

anything by Andrew Loomis. He’s an icon for a reason; the Loomis head is a standard art tool to this day. I also enjoy the anachronistic career advice (“all advertisers will pay for a well-drawn head” or whatever it was). Here’s the ones I’ve read and enjoyed:

Fun with a Pencil

Figure Drawing for All It’s Worth

Drawing The Head and Hands

Creative Illustration (my current fave, great for composition)

Classic Human Anatomy in Motion, by Valerie L. Winslow. Hot take – people who say “learn anatomy” to beginners are idiots. SO MANY fundamentals come before anatomy if you wanna draw good-looking characters. You’ll get better results studying proportion, form, gesture, shapes and composition first. But if/when you want to learn bones and muscles, this is the book for you! It’s probably overkill, but I loved the breakdown of facial muscles and how they create expression. Top-tier reaction image material.

Proko!! Fabulous Youtube channel. Not only is Stan a great teacher, he invites on other artists too. Just go to his search bar and plug in a keyword; you’ll always find something helpful. I recommend his channel if you want to draw humans (loads of gesture, forms, proportion, anatomy etc.), but there’s a video or two on everything. Some of my other favourite videos:

Mind-Blowing Realistic Shading Tricks. Simple effective intro to light and shadow, I still go back and learn from it.

How to Draw Dynamic Shapes – FORCE Series Part 3. So compelling I bought the book afterwards. Blew my mind, instantly improved all my shapes and in turn my composition and gesture.

Painting Skin Tones and How Light Affects Color. Marco Bucci’s a genius with colours, he explains value and saturation in such fascinating ways.

Digital Shape Carving with Scott Flanders – good companion to the shading video above, teaches dramatic silhouettes and cel-shading within a really interesting workflow.

Google. Any question. Throw it in. Someone’s made a video or reddit post about it. You’d be surprised! I swear, the number of times I’ve typed “composition tips” or “digital watercolour clip studio paint” or “how draw horse head”.

Remember, take it easy. Don’t burn yourself out. Back off if you feel the tears creeping in. Study should supplement your drawings, not replace them. If in doubt, revert to step 2 – “bad” art is better than no art.

4– Study Life

If you did step 3 you’re way ahead of me on this one. USE REFERENCES. Draw things from photos (or real life if possible). Fill your brain with visual information. Here’s a thread I made for sharing references of humans.

What if you prefer to draw from imagination? That’s fine – try a hybrid approach. Doodle whatever comes to you, then look up references and try again. For example I’ll doodle a bear, then draw from photos of bears, then doodle new bears using the things I learned. It’s fun and also a good way to test your knowledge. You may also enjoy combining different references; eg drawing animal fusions, combining poses with an outfits etc. It gets easier to do the more you practice.

Between art pieces I keep a balance between drawing from imagination, drawing from reference, following art lessons, and studying other artists. Speaking of which –

5 – Study Art

Ever heard “Don’t draw anime until you’ve learned anatomy?” or “Learn the rules before you break them?” I strongly disagree with both of those statements. Fundamentals are great but there’s never a point you stop learning them, and studying life won’t teach you how to stylise. That’s why you also need to learn from your favourite artworks. This gets easier/more efficient as you build your broader art skills, but you can learn styles at any point of your art journey (see – step 2). In fact, it makes study more enjoyable, since stylised art can look better and feel more “you”. You already know what you want to create– why not start now?

Let’s take anime as an example. That’s a huge genre with loads of variation. So, what’s your personal taste? Round and cute, or sharp and serious? Choose your favourite shows and study how they do it. Observe their lines, shapes and proportions. Then try it yourself. Make fanart. Not only is replication good art practice in general, it’ll teach you a bunch of new tricks. For original work, pull from loads of sources, the more diverse the better. Work in your love for Silver Age comics or medieval tapestries or German expressionism. The more places you learn from, the more unique and personal your style will be. Your art becomes a visual scrapbook of all the artists you love. I think that’s beautiful. <3

 6 – Find Community

Art friends! Best thing ever. You can bond over your shared obsession, commiserate over tough parts, and learn about art together. A lot of my drawings are in-jokes exchanged with my BFF. I’ve known them from childhood (lucky) but apparently adults can make friends too. Fandom spaces are great for this; many Discord channels have a dedicated artists’ zone. You can also try r/sketchdaily or challenges like Mermay/Inktober if you want a sense of community.

If you don’t have art friends (yet), that’s OK; parasocial works too! I like watching “Draw With Me” content on Youtube. It’s great to put on while you’re creating, especially when you don’t have the energy for something educational. Not only is it inspiring, you can learn tips and tricks along the way. And of course, you can never go wrong with Bob Ross.

 7 – Be Interesting

The very first step was to manage your health. In a way, we’ve looped back to the beginning.  Because no matter what you do, art begins and ends with who you are. You can practice fundamentals 12 hours a day but if you never live your life, you’ll never make interesting art. No one cares for artists whose only character trait is how hard they grind. So go be the most vibrant version of yourself. Take up weird hobbies. Make weird friends. Seek new experiences. Question the beliefs you grew up with. Read books for a while instead of drawing. Develop your principles. Embrace what makes you different. Survive the worst year of your life somehow. Learn what makes you thrive. Your art won’t be for everyone. But it WILL mean the world to some. And to me, that’s the whole point of doing this. Good luck, fellow artist. The world is your adventure yet to come. I believe in you. <3

[shit-talk-turner]

I’m not a fangirl of Louise who praises every step and kisses the ground she walks on. But I’m passionate about art. Various fields. Criticize her all you want, nothing can stop you. But taking away her credibility as an artist, calling her lazy or fake is completely ridiculous for someone who understands art. Her being a partner of a successful musician is not helping here. People call her talentless but I’m sure she won’t let soulless creatures dictate her worth. Pointless. The problem is that not all talents are visible at first glance. And there’s no definition for an artist. Fuck you Cambridge Dictionary! Being an artist is inconsistent. Doesn’t require releasing music every few months. Because it doesn’t have a DEADLINE. In fact, you can be an artist and never release anything. Business is not art. Industry is killing the real meaning of it. Some people enjoy composing and the creative process more than publishing. It can be more about the journey rather than final product. And the satisfaction and fulfillment comes from creating, not selling it. They do it for themselves. And they’re still artists. Artistry is in your heart. So what that she hasn’t released anything in a long time? Again. I’m not her little minion coming here to defend her. I gain nothing from that, she doesn’t know I exist. But for the love of God, think outside of the box. For a second. It’s not guitar skills, genres, vocal techniques that make you a „real artist”. Who cares if she’s a beginner or expert? As long as there’s a story, emotion or anything she wants to express IT’S VALID and artistic enough. And she doesn’t need to share it now, in 5 years or ever to prove it. Her voice is not perfect? So fucking what. Do you know how many bad singers still made it? And they play shows and found their audience. Let’s study music genres and then fucking shit on them. Fuck rules. Experiment. Have fun. Live. Creativity is FREEDOM. For me the magic in Arctic Monkeys is the mystery. But journalists and fans want short answers, names and dates. Is it about Arielle, is it Alexa?daaaamn. Louise gets a deadline to prove herself as an artist. Alex gets constant demands for explanation. Everything is being ruined by nosinesss. No wonder why he stutters all the time having to avoid questions. Man protects his art. So yeahhhh. It is what it is. But destroying art and freedom of expression with such generalization should be fucking illegal. There are so many problems in the creative community and to see something like this coming from fans is just heartbreaking? I suppose for an artist it’s like asking a friend for a comfort hug and getting slapped in the face instead. But I guess I expect too much from fans. And I’m naive to think you care about art. It’s not Louise, it’s a bigger problem and she’s just one example. So if you’re an artist and you’re reading this: I see you. You’re not lazy for taking time. If you struggle with procrastination or lack of inspiration - I see you. You don’t make money or big numbers on Spotify? I see you. If you lost your spark you’ll get it back. World is cruel but your passion is stronger. If you feel rejected or useless - I believe in you. If you ever thought about conceptualizing an emotion that’s enough for me and your sincerity is all I need to believe in you as an artist. You are important. Your vulnerability is needed. I need it. You help me when you don’t know it. Because world is lacking humanity. So take your time. Amen. And to all ignorants: I dance on your bitter heart. I hope you’ll grow. Find the courage to shine. Fall in love. Appreciate life. I’m not angry. I’m heartbroken but also hopeful. I believe in your improvement. We live in an era of AI takeover. It’s scary. It’s stealing jobs. The pursuit of perfection is killing us. But I believe humanity will win. Emotions are stronger. Always hopeful and forgiving. Even when you try to kill creativity and put it in a box. There is always someone who understands, someone who will take time to read your script even if it’s long. So please. Think. Thank you

Yes, no one can take away the fact that Louise is an artist if she's making art. There's just no evidence she IS making art. We have zero issue with her making art/music/whatever for herself and never releasing it if that's what floats her boat either. We just wonder how she's supporting herself (I mean, we know, but you know what I mean). We also aren't demanding a deadline from her?

Also, people here who think her music or her voice is bad are entitled to that opinion. Just like anyone who thinks her music or voice is good are entitled to THAT opinion. Someone having a negative opinion of your art doesn't make you less of an artist. It comes with the territory of BEING AN ARTIST.

Thank you for your manifesto but we're not sure why you felt the need to share it here as no one is saying someone who makes bad art or unreleased art ISN'T an artist. Both mods make art in some form that will likely never see the light of day (we hope otherwise, obviously) and that someone somewhere would probably hate. We're fine with it. We're not defensive about being called artists or not though.

[dragonracer]

I was saving my next chapter for WIP Wednesday, but when I saw my story just hit 500 views, I decided to post it early instead as Celebration Monday! Latest chapter of "The Moments Between" dropped today. A snippet to perhaps pique interest:

“Come in,” I call out, vaguely annoyed, at the knock on my door. I set the rather depressing letter aside.

“I do hope this isn’t a bad time to intrude?” Emmrich asks with Manfred peeking out from behind him.

I stand up, turning to face them fully. “I always have time for you, Emmrich,” I answer. “You’re never an intrusion.”

“Well, it’s not so much my visit as Manfred’s this time,” he explains as his skeletal assistant walks up to me, clutching a sheet of paper in his hands as if it’s a very important missive he doesn’t wish to wrinkle.

“Oh?”

“He knows the mood has been… unwell… as of late,” the necromancer continues. “For everyone, but especially for you. He refused to leave his art table until he had finished this piece and insisted upon presenting it to you himself.”

Manfred hisses and holds the scrap of parchment up to me proudly. I take it from him and stare, an uneasy feeling growing in the pit of my stomach as I look over the picture.

I remember the warm sands of Seheron under my bare feet. The feel of the humid salt air blowing in from the ocean. The taste of coconut and pineapple fallen from the trees, ripe under the bright sun.

His talent has grown from the colorful, chaotic lines he started with into something you’d expect a very young child to produce. There is blue ocean and sky. White clouds. Yellow sand. A brown and green palm tree. A light blue and white wisp. And a small, grey-skinned Qunari with…

“I was rather confused when he intimated this is a rendering of the two of you,” Emmrich prefaces, “given the Qunari has horns. And that he chose to draw himself in his original wisp form before I assembled this body for him.”

I remember the little ball of crackling light that suddenly appeared. It hovered around my head, making an echoing squeaking sound. I was not afraid. Somehow, I instinctually knew this creature meant me no harm and seemed just as curious about me as I was of it. We played for a while, running around and each chasing the other in turn. This wisp of light was great fun! 

My room suddenly feels entirely too small to hold all of us at once. I manage to suppress any lightning going off, but I cannot contain the sudden anger that surges through me.

“You!” I shout at the skeleton, throwing the paper down and pointing at him in rage. “You’re the reason they did this to me! You took my life away!”

A skull lacks the ability to form facial expressions since it has no skin or eyes to emote with, and yet Manfred’s stance and body language tell me just how deeply my words have cut into him. He hisses in a pained manner that instantly makes me hate myself as he goes running out the door at full speed.

Emmrich openly gapes at me in confusion before a fury I’ve never seen in him before floods his face. “Explain yourself, Rook,” he demands, voice pitched low enough it’s nearly a growl.

And it’s the only time I don’t like the way my nickname sounds when he says it.

I haven’t cried since they took my horns. Not over any of the people I had to kill. Not over the pain I had to endure. Not over the numerous times I have felt embarrassed or self-conscious. Not over any of the kind things rarely said to me. Not over Laramie’s Calling. Not over blighting Treviso. Not even over the fall of Weisshaupt. I honestly thought that part of me was permanently broken. 

But hurting Manfred? Such a purely innocent creature who only wanted to try and cheer me up? And, in turn, upsetting and disappointing Emmrich? I’ve gone from lashing out at those who deserve it to harming those who absolutely do not. I’ve come full circle into becoming what I was always fated to be: a dangerous thing. Read the rest here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/63502270/chapters/168068740#workskin New to the story? Start here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/63502270/chapters/162722593

[colorsoundoblivion]

Trying to raise some funds to cover domain/hosting costs for the 2024/2025 year (my renewal comes up this October). Goal is $200 USD. Anything helps.

Every LGBTQIA+ spot I found myself in was the same… I mean, if Diva Worship and fashion is your thing, that’s perfectly fine… I was looking for the queers who made noise tapes, liked weird shit, appreciated Joel-Peter Witkin for the art and not the shock. All the Industrial/Noise communities I found were littered with edgelords (with some “cool” people sprinkled in if you’re lucky)… I was hoping to find people who were exorcising their demons through their music, not people trying to abuse others with it.

I started FANE because I couldn’t find it elsewhere. We’re just starting, only 2 issues out with a 3rd in production, but I genuinely feel we’ve got something special here and I desperately need help to make it grow. I’ll save you the long winded version of the story: Anxiety, Depression, SI for decades lead to breakdown, job loss, and lack of income. Waiting lists, doctor visits, Adult ADHD diagnosis with possible Autism, getting the right medications, making slow improvements. Haven’t had income or been able to hold a “real” job now for 5 years. I don’t qualify for any kind of financial assistance or disability. I don’t know why I have the energy and drive for FANE when sometimes I can’t muster enough drive to answer a phone call, or return a text message. Well, it’s called mental illness for a reason I suppose.

I’m not begging you to give me a cozy life, pay all my bills, hook me up with the latest recording gear and tech, etc. I know we’re all struggling and the cost of everything has skyrocketed. If you’ve got a couple bucks to spare to make sure that a $200 yearly bill doesn’t kill FANE, it would be greatly appreciated. I will always provide FREE PDF versions of every FANE issue, special report, or any other such FANE related publication. Again, literally anything helps.

I truly appreciate all of you, and sorry for the virtual solicitation.

-Rob

[usergreenpixel]

MALMAISON MEDIA SALON SOIRÉE 18: EL ENCARGO DEL MAESTRO GOYA (2021)

1. The Introduction

Hello, my dear Neighbors! I’m finally back with a freshly made review in tow!

So, this particular book (available on Amazon and ebook websites but only in Spanish) first came to my attention me due to my interest in Napoleonic era and, as of recently, Francisco Goya’s works. Naturally, this book caught my attention right off the bat because it’s a fucking jackpot!

Okay, Goya is actually a fairly minor character but he has an extremely important role in the story. More on that later!

(Also, tomorrow I will reblog this review to add my song because I’m having headaches today… Those bitches are bothering me again)

Anyway, I loved this book even more than I expected I would, so let’s analyze it to the best of my ability! This review is dedicated to @that-enragee . Enjoy!

2. The Summary

This novel tells a story of three siblings - Mercedes, Salvador and Marta. They are on the way to the city of Santander in order to receive their late aunt’s inheritance. However, another reason for the journey is a task given to Marta by her mentor, Goya. She must make a copy of a painting so that the French don’t loot the real thing.

3. The Story

Surprisingly, I enjoyed the romantic subplots! And that’s really rare for me. But here the subplots are written MASTERFULLY and progress naturally. Yes, there’s more than one romantic subplot. In fact, there’s two (both Mercedes and Marta find love).

I also appreciate the lack of a villain in the story. The take on events is very nuanced and awful people are shown to exist on all sides, so the take is more or less objective, not unlike Goya’s etchings with the theme of war. This nuance makes the story that much more enjoyable.

The pacing is also very good, but sometimes there are annoying flashbacks. Luckily, those are not extensive.

On a slightly darker note, props to the author for killing off some of the characters and making it stick. I know it’s a war story, but some writers don’t have the balls to include this degree of realism.

4. The Characters

Since the narrative takes place away from the frontlines, we don’t really have historical figures as major characters. Even Goya is a minor character in the book and he only appears properly in the end.

I actually liked his portrayal because he truly doesn’t want the French to loot precious artworks but also has an agenda. See, the painting Marta is to forge is a depiction of Santa Casilda by Zurbarán (a painting that actually WAS stolen during the war historically).

This is important because, according to rumors, praying to this particular depiction can cure ailments, including permanent deafness. Since Goya went deaf due to an illness at around 45 years of age, he believes that this painting is his last hope to get his hearing back.

Although I am aware of the ableist implications of the trope of a disabled person seeking a “cure”, it’s important to note that the world back then wasn’t accommodating to the disabled at all and views ranged from them being innocent at best to burdens at worst. Besides, Goya historically would always portray the disabled as helpless in his art, so it’s safe to assume that he internalized the views of the time period.

(Spoiler alert: No worries, dear disabled readers, the author doesn’t pull a magical cure out of her ass and disabled characters stay disabled.)

Goya is also supportive and proud of his pupil, Marta, which is the sweetest thing ever, so we get to see that he truly cares about her.

Speaking of disability, we also have another deaf character, Marta. As one of the main characters, she is naturally explored in more depth than Goya and we get to see her realistic struggle with her own deafness. Unlike Goya, she was born deaf and therefore doesn’t speak, instead communicating with some signs and writing.

She starts out seeking this alleged cure too, but mostly because she is done with being coddled and treated like a child by her siblings, especially Mercedes. She is naïve and somewhat innocent due to being very young (19ish), but she is also kind, brave, compassionate and a bit mischievous, using her painting skills to help pull a prank at one point.

She also embraces her deafness as the story progresses, finds a man who loves her the way she is and learns to respect her as her own person and not the innocent deaf girl she’s assumed to be. There’s a lot of depth and nuance to her character, and I truly appreciate it.

Mercedes, the other protagonist and the oldest sibling in her family is motherly and protective to the point of coddling Marta and being understandably angry that Goya got her involved in a dangerous mission for the sake of some fake “cure”. Mercedes is also a widow and and more cynical than her siblings, but mellows out over the course of her story.

As an older sister myself, I can definitely relate to her wanting to protect her siblings so I enjoyed her character too. I also think that making her a widow instead of an ingenue is a somewhat bold choice for a romantic subplot, but it definitely suits her and gives additional context to her character.

Claude Cornulier, a soldier sent to Santander to try and curb the atrocities, is sweet and a philosopher. He also understands that war is hell and expresses true empathy towards Spanish people. He also falls for Mercedes but never forces her into a relationship. Instead, he is a true gentleman and treats her with the utmost respect so their romance is healthy and entirely consensual.

Then there is Lieutenant Alfonso Bustamante, a fairly young but retired soldier from the Spanish Navy who feels insecure about having scars and only one eye. His health is in the shit as well, but we later learn that he helps local guerillas and has a ring of informants in the area, so he too fights for his country in whatever way he can.

Bustamante is also a gentleman and forms a friendship with Mercedes while also, eventually, falling for Marta. Although he does make the mistake of coddling her somewhat, he eventually realizes that it’s not the best approach and cuts it out, leading to a healthy relationship.

Salvador is a passionate young man who is also fiercely protective of his sisters, as the only living family member.

At one point the painter David is namedropped in the book and the French troops also joke about Soult looting too many paintings, but those two don’t appear in person.

5. The Setting

The descriptions are wonderful and not too long, thank goodness. I really liked them and they helped me become immersed into the story.

6. The Writing

Reading in Spanish was a challenge at times, but I like the style. It has a nice flow, doesn’t feel inappropriately modern and is fairly easy to read for those fluent in Spanish.

7. The Conclusion

Overall, an excellent book that really captured my imagination and attention! If you are fluent in Spanish, I can’t recommend it enough.

Either way, this concludes the 18th soirée at the Malmaison Media Salon.

Stay tuned for future reviews and tomorrow’s reblog with the song, everyone!

Love,

- Citizen Green Pixel

[deludedfantasy]

Trimax Vol 3

Well, things are getting real serious in this volume and I have a lot of thoughts. Now that I’m not reading in a fevered state of obsession, the darkness of this volume hit me really hard. But more on that below the cut.

Ch1

Wolfwood is faced with Gray the Ninelives and remembers his big argument with Vash! He seems to decide that he’ll try to do things Vash’s way for once, but he’s very not happy about it. But like I said before, we’re already making progress. As much as these two disagree, they still listen to each other and try to work with the other’s perspective. 

This weird centipede puppet thing is incredibly freaky. I’m actually having a hard time looking at it.

More commentary on Vash’s humanity—or lack thereof, this time by Leonof, who also directly compares him to Knives. It’s interesting that he seems to see them as exactly the same. I suppose he’s right in that they actually have pretty similar core motivations, the sorrow, suffering, and rage he refers to. But yeah, Vash resists the worst that these feelings can bring about while Knives gives into them, but somehow Leonof sees that resistance as incredibly inhuman, which I don’t know if I agree with. 

Man, Wolfwood is so bitter and hopeless. He basically says, “Your ideals don’t matter. Either way, we all end up dead. The world is a terrible place where nothing changes and we have no hope of doing anything about it, so why bother even having any ideals.” That is…so incredibly depressing, Wolfwood. What happened to this man, I really wanna know. 

Ch2

Assuming Wolfwood is Chapel, was he not supposed to interfere with what Leonof is doing? I guess he didn’t interfere in the Rei Dei fight until the end when he thought Vash was going to die, and seeing as his purpose is to make Vash suffer, killing Rei Dei would be more in-line with his mission. Also, how does Legato even know about this? Is one of Leonof’s puppet creatures reporting on what’s happening in the colony?

I need to know where, exactly, Wolfwood has been hiding this spare handgun all this time.

I’m the kind of person who deeply enjoys when a man is overcome by bloodlust and then ends up covered in blood, so this chapter is just a 10/10 for me. Love me some bloody unhinged Wolfwood

Ch3

I have to say it again: Wolfwood gets so unhinged when he fights and I love it. It’s an interesting parallel to Vash who so far has been a fairly artful, though not always graceful, fighter. Comment inspired entirely by this two page spread

Vash getting tricked by puppet people never gets any easier for me to handle emotionally

“A momentary lapse in judgment can have fatal consequences.” Yeah, Vash refusing to shoot perceived innocents is a lapse in judgment, Leonof, sure. This is like the worse version of Wolfwood’s argument from last chapter

Emilio the Player? Is that supposed to be Leonof? Does Vash know him somehow?

I think this might be the cruelest of all the Gung Ho Gun fights. This isn’t just endangering innocent people, Leonof is actively using them against Vash so he can’t tell who is and isn’t a puppet. He tricks him into shooting someone! The psychological warfare is chilling and I’m starting to wonder if there’s a reason why he’s playing so much on Vash’s emotions

Ch4

Oh, so Vash does somehow know Leonof! Are the names he’s saying people they both know? Why doesn’t Leonof remember being Emilio?

Either way, this is personal. That explains the psychological warfare

Whoops, Vash might’ve just made things worse for himself by bringing all this back up for Leonof

I had a very hard time parsing this page and from what I can tell, Vash either blew up a water tower or set off the smoke alarms and the sprinkler system. Either way, there is water falling from the sky

Listen, I don’t care what’s going on. I just really wanna know how Leonof and Vash know each other!! This is all very, very cryptic

Random pile of coffins? Random dead lady (or is it a puppet) in a coffin?? And so I ask, what is going on???

Ch5

Listen, I know I’ve been going on and on about Wolfwood’s violence in this chapter but I think this might be the first time we really see him fight and he’s goddamn brutal. He’s practically feral. It’s a very marked difference to Vash and I’m trying to figure out exactly what this means but I’m not grasping it completely.

It definitely shows how willing he is to get his hands dirty. He’s not going to waste time with tricks, he goes straight for the kill and nothing will get in his way. But it’s also starting to feel wrong, I guess? Especially as he beats up Gray the Ninelives and has all those flashbacks to the children at the orphanage. It feels like he’s trying to give himself a reason to keep going like this when he really doesn’t want to. 

Also, love that Gray the Ninelives is literally nine dudes in a trench coat. Nine lives like a cat, right? That’s what I originally thought. Nope, nine lives because it’s basically a horrible organic mech suit powered by nine little guys

Leonof with his funky bat wings is so Dracula coded

Confusion alert: what the hell did Brad do exactly? It didn’t look like he was doing anything then the next second, what I think are the ship’s doors opened and dumped Leonof out. And then he says he did it. Does he just move really quickly in the space of a few panels? I feel like I’m missing something

Best guess for what happened to Leonof: the pain of his memories returning made him let go of the thread holding him up because he couldn’t handle the agony. But also, I have no clue. He obviously loved Isabel and I think the puppet is her preserved corpse, so losing it also broke something in him. But I want the whole backstory here, Nightow! Am I gonna get it? Probably not! I have so many questions!!

A dramatic Wolfwood monologue once again interrupted by silliness, this time in the form of Meryl and Milly. Insurance girls to the rescue! They legit save his life because he’s too busy making a brooding speech to realize he’s about to be chopped in half because Gray the Ninelives still isn’t dead

In conclusion, I have no idea what’s going on, but it was fun!

Ch6

Knives and his goddamn BDSM suit is killing me. But like…what is he doing? Is he using his powers?

Vash expression of sheer confusion at waking up in the hospital is so good!!

He’s so shocked to see Meryl and Milly again! Like he really can’t believe these people he became friends with would ever come back into his life. He’s beaming, though, when he gets past the shock. He’s so happy! I’m not sure we’ve ever seen him smile so wide

Oh, Vash. Jumping straight to blaming himself when he learns about everyone who died in the colony. But it really seems like no one here actually blames him. In fact, I think the people of the colony are happy to see him! But he’s so used to the damage his presence causes and how people turn him away for it that he thinks the people in this place he considers home would feel the same. Argh, I just made myself sad

I’m glad Luida outright tells Vash he’s part of the family. I’m not sure he believes her, but I don’t think he hears anything like that often

Leave it to Wolfwood to get mad at being thanked for saving people. To be fair, it would be pretty confusing to be thanked for killing when you just had a big blowout about how you shouldn’t murder people

“I’ve burdened you with my own ideals. I’m sorry.” What a LINE. Vash is definitely very aware that the vast majority of people can’t live like him, and that doing so can be very difficult. He’s really opening up to Wolfwood by admitting this

They’re already coming to understand each other more and the flaws inherent to both their ways of looking at the world. Rather than pushing back, they’re opening up. We love to see it

Vash’s pouty face here is everything

Ch7

Vash looks so soft and fluffy with his hair down. It’s also very fun/interesting/jarring when he doesn’t have his coat on. It reminds you that, at heart, he’s just a guy

Vash actually letting people in is!!! He shows the girls the cold sleep chamber because he wants them to understand why he does what he does. 

And Meryl does see it. She has another moment where she weighs up everything she knows about Vash, all the contradictory parts of him, and starts to see how heavily his past weighs on him, that something dark lurks there

Wolfwood is once again confused and trying to figure out Vash’s motivations. Redemption is a good guess to make but he’s not quite seeing the bigger picture yet. Mainly, that Vash doesn’t care about himself, that this is about everyone else. Because I don’t think he believes he can be redeemed and really, Vash has a literal death wish (sometimes)

To prove Luida’s point, Vash once again uses his own body as a shield to save the girls and gets his tech arm shot off again. Wolfwood can’t get over the stupidity.

Luida providing a Vash thesis statement right here. Kindness even in the face of endless suffering. I think maybe, right here, is when Wolfwood starts to really get who Vash is, what he’s doing, and what he stands for

This was fun! We got to learn more about Vash, see Wolfwood actually fight and get very bloody, and see some new places in this world. If I’m remembering correctly, things are only going to get darker from here, so I’m just gonna hide with the boys in their cozy little hospital outfits until it’s time to go on to the next volume.