#I hope people like this bc I am going full autism

[pangur-and-grim]

HELLO, welcome to the kitten gacha game!

here's how it works: all pointed cats are born white and mysterious. that's because pointing is temperature dependent, and cats are baked at an even temperature in the womb! as they age, their colder extremities develop colour

a while ago, I received photos of three pointed kittens, and had to guess where they fell on this chart based on subtle clues:

I ended up choosing a grub who developed into a seal point with white (my sweet Belphegor!)

and now I'm giving YOU the chance to choose! kittens A, B and C will each become one of the colours on the chart as they are manufactured age.

reserve them now at greerstothers.shop, and receive your enamel pin grown kitten in the mail!

(close-ups of the clues under the readmore)

feel free to guess their colourations in the replies/reblogs! I'm curious to see how many people get it right.

the enamel pins will come with a breakdown of their colour genetics on the backing card!

[generationa1trauma]

flatmate has a girl over i am suddenly extremely uncomfortable

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

hori constantly acts as if he isn’t the writer and has full control of the story and it pisses me off to no end. gonna drop some examples below. these are from the street wear profiles from the manga.

sen kaibara - “I love his Quirk, so I can’t wait to portray it more.” he’s acting like something/someone is actively holding him back from doing so.

tetsutetsu tetsutetsu - “I hope I get to show him in action more.” once again, acting like something is stopping him. side note, why tf did he give him that name. it’s just so lazy. and it’s not even funny. just annoying to say and annoying to write.

hanta sero - “He’s mostly just for one liners in the background, but he’s a good guy, and I’d like to feature him more. At some point. For sure.” and then proceeds to never do that.

this might just be me being bitter abt all the amazing characters he’s completely disregarded and disrespected. this might just be me not understanding what it’s like being a mangaka. but it still bothers me.

i just hate how he’s created this insanely interesting world and amazing characters and never expands on anything bc he’s too busy sucking bakugos dick.

speaking of bakugo, as someone who has narcissistic tendencies, he’s a textbook case.

he obviously has some sort of inferiority/superiority complex and a mild to severe case of a god complex. at best he’s dismissive of people who he sees as inferior to him, at worst he’s downright cruel.

his “nicknames” are all just fucking insults aimed at peoples insecurities.

raccoon eyes/horns: mina was probably bullied for her appearance and then her so called “friend” exclusively calls her names that poke fun at her appearance.

bird brain/bird face/other bird names: tokoyami has probably heard it all at this point but once again bakugo making fun of heteromorphs.

dunce face: denki has shown to be insecure about his intelligence and once again his so called “friend” mocks him for it.

tentacles/arms/octopus: again, mocking heteromorphs.

tail: i’m beginning to see a pattern here.

ears: ok how has no one pointed out how most of his nicknames are him basically just calling them slurs.

i don’t think bakugo has ever called someone their actual name. maybe a handful of times? but it’s like a massive event when he calls someone by their actual name.

exclusive calling people insults isn’t exactly heroic.

anyway rant over i just needed to get all this shit off my chest.

No, no honey, go the fuck off.

I will say as a writer, I have experience with 'my characters have a mind of their own' and that through writing our plans have to change because the characters adapt more, but I will also say that Hori dropped the ball BIG TIME.

I am firmly of the belief that he had to have been pushed into making some choices by the publishing company because like... dude! You have so much cool stuff and you focus on Bakugou? The 'rich kid with superiority/inferority issues' you find in every drama?

All the insults is just another tick in the 'let's be honest no one would like this guy in real life' column, and it is so fucking funny to me that people try to romantisize that shit. Hell, look what everyone does to the name Deku.

'Oh he couldn't read it properly'

Did you watch or read the manga? Cause he did, and realized that it could also mean this.

'He called Izuku Zuku before'

No.

'It was after-'

Nope, before the diagnosis, also the fact people try to use it to excuse it is fucked up. It would be like calling me the r word for my autism as a 'fun nickname'.

(I will say I know people with the same first and last name in real life. Some own it, some go by a middle name. I think it's funny that his name is Tetsutetsu Tetsutetsu)

I saw someone say Bakugou has face blindness but even then you're right. Why the fuck is he making those jokes? He's like that white friend who makes racist jokes you ignore but will say someone is being sensitive when he gets called out.

Bakugou is just... ugh. He's so boring. My anger towards him has become: you're just a dull little man.

[thexie-and-stars]

Intro!

@tazmaboxed

I acknowledge the Traditional Owners and Custodians of this country. In particular, I acknowledge the Indigenous Elders of the Wurundjeri people, part of the Kulin nation, where I live and learn and pay my respects to their Indigenous Elders past, present and emerging. Sovereignty has never been ceded. It always was and always will be, Aboriginal land. [credits to @elliewasaghost for the template]

dni: general dni criteria, MAPs, paraphiles [not people with paraphilic disorder], nazis, Radqueers, Radfems, porn bots. if you piss me off, i will block you

FUCK JKR. TERFS, SWERFS AND FARTS CAN GO DIE

THIS USER HAS INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, PLEASE BE MINDFUL

I do not support Neil Gaiman, Always support the victims.

JOIN THIS: GAY DISCORD

IT'S GAY

I do vent posts a lot. If i'm actually in crisis it will be either untagged or tagged with #crisis. if not, please disregard because im just dealing with shit.

I will make moodboards on request SEND ASKS

WILL ALSO GIVE ADVICE

I edit wikipedia and fandom pages, lemme know if there's something wrong on a page and i'll take a look!

I run a tumblr community about special intrests and hyperfixations. If you want to join, DM me or send an ask!

HALLOWEEN SECRET SKETELONS: Asks sent

The theme on my website/tumblr page is not mine, I customized it. the credits are on the website.

art blog: @theo-th3-trans-art-b01

HELP MOHAMMED AND HIS FAMILY SURVIVE!!

emergency ray toro bc i am mentaly silliy

reasons not to kill yourself: Link :3

RIP @venomvolts-deactivated20240803 I hope you re-join tumblr someday, you will be remembered

@xxx-ang3l-w1th-a-sh0tgun-xxx

I realised I haven't done one of these so:

Name: Theo

Nicknames: Thexie, Thex, Bean

Attraction shit: Bi oriented Aro/Ace.

I don't feel like a human, i feel like a silver fox w antlers. If u don't fw that, DNI

Pronouns: He, It, Rot, Vamp, [Ask as my prefernce changes daily, full list of prns on my pronouns page, go to the bottom of the post]

Gender: Rounded version for cis people. Boyflux transmasc, which means my gender fluctuates on the slidy scale between agender and boy.

Actual full decimaled gender: galaxforieliminalfluxboy. made by me!

Demi-verbal and silly :3

Tags i use:

#me and my posts, theo posting, beans posts : my own posts

#my starry angel: interacting w my best friend @a-perfect-imitation

#bean answers an ask: asks

#i can feel a ghostly prescence: interacting w @elliewasaghost [not used much but holy shit it's a great tag name]

#the lurker's here: @touch-starved-lurker

#beans come to visit: @lots-of-lesbeans-2

#cheeky fucker: @cheekyboybeth

#my chappel town and chemical cave: music tag, mainly my own lyrics, poems, talking about my instruments and occasional songs/covers.

#bean's brain: anything about the stuff listed in my TW area.

#theo spoils: used if a thing im ranting abt has not been widly seen yet, for example, a new season of a tv show.

anything to do with bean/theo: read the other bit of the tag

Triggers: Human balls, anything to do w gen alpha lingo, jokes about rape, talking about sexual assault.

General: I am Irish-Australian and I fence. I have a dog and two cats! I am fine for people to send asks or dm me! I do swear a lot but I don't post nsfw. I do sometimes reblog nsfw, nothing too severe. I AM a minor so please be mindful. . I love it when people send me asks! You can also dm me. I will give out my discord on request. I am polyamorous

Diagnosed: ADHD, Anxiety [all 3 types], Asthma, Autism, Chronic fatigue, chronic pain, Deppression, Hypermobility, Long covid, POTS, Scoliosis, Strabismus, Vision impaired

Probable I have it but not diagnosed yet : BPD, Fibromyalgia

Special interests: Heartstopper, MCR, Art, Autism, general knowledge.

Current Hyperfocus: stardew valley, dayflower

Fandoms: Dead Boy detectives, Helluva Boss, Hazbin Hotel, The Osemanverse, dead end paranormal park, Nimona, stardew valley, MCR, witherburn afterschool news, GRAVITY FALLS

Interests: Trivia

Likes: Cryptids, Books, My laptop, My friends, Watercolours, Drawing, Eating raw onions, Art, Mushrooms

Dislikes: Jam and butter together, Nausea, bad textures, the popular girls

Music i like: Bears in trees, Cavetown, chappel roan, Dayflower, Evanescence fall out boy, girlinred, Mcafferty, MCR, MotherMother, Penelope Scott, Ricky Jamaraz [i'm gay, what do you expect].

My spotify playlist: Trans Tism songs :3 by Theo The Mothman.

Trivia: I play clarinet, guitar and the drums and I have a pair of mechanical wings I use for cosplay

Trigger warnings for things i might post: self harm, mental illness, suicide, family stuff [my mum's abusive], unreality [weirdcore and dissociation],

Mobility Aids I have: cane, crutches, wrist splints, back brace, wheelchair

Meds I take: ADHD meds, Salt Tablets, Melotonin

@frogofalltime is my dad :D

USERBOXES AND LINKS DOWN BELOW \/

credits going left to right, from top left!

@xxx-ang3l-w1th-a-sh0tgun-xxx, @system-box

@lgbtq-userboxes, @lgbtq-userboxes,

@sweetpeauserboxes, @burntoutuserboxes

@burntoutuserboxes, @xxx-ang3l-w1th-a-sh0tgun-xxx,

@esotericalqueer, @esotericalqueer

@xxx-ang3l-w1th-a-sh0tgun-xxx, @cardboard-userboxes

@arcanecollective, @decemberblue

@another-userbox-blog, @sweetpeauserboxes,

@puppyuserboxes, @xxx-ang3l-w1th-a-sh0tgun-xxx

@alterhuman-userboxes, @whats-a-human

@xxx-ang3l-w1th-a-sh0tgun-xxx, @burntoutuserboxes

@mogaispiderpunk, @blood-moon-night-coining

@totallypumpkin, @frogsforthefrogwar

LINKS \/

pronouns page

posts I wanna keep

last relapse: 4/11/24

haha idk if i'm gonna make it to graduation

tw for that btw

[reel-fear]

Any shockbee headcanons you haven't shared here? 👀

GOSH,,, theres probably a few considering how obsessed with them I am and I certainly will never quite be done talking abt them KJNDSFKJGNSFDGKJNDFGSD.

I'm not sure if this is a hc or more speculating on a possible au but I think if Shockwave had told Bee who he was before things went all fucky with Wasp and such Bee would've been shocked yes but I don't think Bee would've wanted to turn him in. I think at first he very much would've underestimated how big of a deal dating a secret con would be and would just kind of treat it like a cool forbidden romance which would end with both side happily singing together. If you've ever heard "We See The Light"from something rotten yeah thats how Bee imagines it I think.

More on speculating on that idea I wish we had more fics exploring the idea of a world where in boot camp Shockwave came clean bc I think Bee being kinda ignorant in his understanding of the cons would be an interesting idea to explore. Bee tells him to just join the autobots bc they are the "good guys" and doesnt realize how tasteless that is. He insists the autobots would react better to Shockwave being a con than is likely bc Shockwaves 'not like the other cons' idk I think it would be interesting drama-

Bumblebee in boot camp was very prone to letting his insecurities and his inner fears make a fool of himself in their relationship. I think if Longarm started to get in good will with almost any other mech Bee would've started PANICKING thinking it would most certainly be the perfect excuse for Longarm to drop him like a piece of trash and ditch him. Which leads to him purposely doing dumb stuff to impress Longarm and try to keep his relationship a float. Sometimes its funny, sometimes its tiring and Shockwave was prolly relieved to see Bee go through a bit of development with not being so insecure bc yeah Bee kinda lets them get to him sometimes-

Bee has a HUGE tendency in boot camp to give into peer pressure and then drag Longarm into it. Ironhide brought vodka into the barracks? Well quick Longarm we have to drink it too otherwise we're chicken! Shockwave finds it somewhat endearing bc it leads to him doing things he never would have otherwise and its fun to be reckless sometimes but also Bee please put the fireworks away this isn't worth street cred-

Bee is very openly affectionate in front of others, Shockwave rarely stops him bc they are very touch starved and I think I've said this before but if the cons/autobots ever made a Warrior cats style 'its illegal to date people on the opposite faction' law punishable by death they would die first-

Bee has undiagnosed dyslexia, Longarm quickly becomes his proof reader for reports and boot camp assignments.

Bee has a ton of posters, decorations and strange things in his room, Longarm has those set ups people make fun of for being the pinnacle of single men having no decorations or furniture.

Longarm keeps a diary type book full of reports on day to day activities just for himself, Bee has started several diaries and uses them for a few days before ditching them.

As far as Shockwave is concerned every joke is funny as long as Bee is the one saying it and nobody agrees but Bee loves it.

Shockwave fidgets and moves his antlers a lot when he is thinking, he denies this but Bee has noticed it a lot. He's pretty much memeorized most of Longarm's fidgets and general way he acts

Bc of this I think if Shockwave were to meet Bee and just pretend he was unrelated to Longarm n such Bee would actually piece the truth out himself bc he was never observent in class, but he could stare at his wonderful boyfriend Longarm for hours...

Autism and ADHD love they have <3 their brains just click together a lot of the time and Bee helps Longarm unlearn his constant need to mask.

These are all the ones I can think of rn, really trying to avoid treading over ground I already touched on KJDNSFGKJDNFSGKJNFDGSD, EITHER WAY, I hope u like hearing me spill more brain thoughts-

[poly-lights]

PART 2 TO MY II PREDICTIONS/WISHES/QUESTIONS (technically) SINCE YALL ACTUALLY KINDA LIKED THOSE?? and i have more!

please note btw that most, if not all, of this is not gonna happen bc they can't pack EVERYTHING into a 30 minute or so episode and not gonna lie some of these are my fixation talking and me being delusional. it's good to theorize though!!

lots of bias. let's get into it

i told my gf this BUT it'd be cool if there was a scene of trees changing, to represent seasons passing because it has to have been a year at most right

more lightbulb using her electrokinesis scenes plspls?????? like. she can just casually DO THAT....maybe have her use it for evil/J IM KIDDING. don't have her kill anyone

............................yet

another knife and suitcase scene, elaborating on the "making your presence known", how suitcase took it a different way, just a conversation if that makes sense

yknow. what was that roboarm in the gemory cave. and is it Still working after lightbulb powered it on.

unrelated but still.more so a question have we or will we ever get the full roommate list drop?? unless they're gonna wait for when s2 is done to not spoil anything

baseball and lightbulb friendship scene :] team captain style!

i think it's gonna release on OR near the anniversary, if the iii finale is so soon early into 2024 it gives slight time

can we get parent lore drop??? like hello?????? they cant just said what they said in iii ep 14 and never expand on it, so i have a heavy feeling its gonna get mentioned in s2 if not ep 15 specifically

im just hoping for lb centric, even if her lore doesn't match up well with the slams. pls im so autism abt her at this point its anything BUT funny

now here's some iii 18 predictions!! for fun :] and also me just rambling abt it (spoilers for iii 17!!!!)

those who left to the hotel come back for jury voting!! more importantly fan and pb please💥

bot and springy and gonna be near each other again next episode. springy may still try to pull some shit with bot, and, assuming so, if TEST TUBE IS BY BOT'S SIDE......

springy made that suitcase bot, so clearly he knows about season 2

we may just get ii 14 tt again. which i am HOPING for. idk i love seeing test tube ENRAGED for the people she cares about she's so fun and unique bc MAN that girl is angry. she's holding grudges against Two People

also. fan meeting bot? he is going to have such a big and hopefully impactful reaction!! pls he has his patterns and the sudden changes make him uncomfortable they need to mention this

if he knows about season 2......could he make, or has he made, toys of the other final four? again im just gripping at straws for an iis2 final four appearance

think abt it though. it's the iii finale. you think they won't do something big? considering mephone knows he has to go back? springy could easily torment him w that considering the whole "facing your past" theming

also walkie talkie is Totally associated with meeple. ik we've all figured that out but i just had to say something. very heavily focused on using electronics to better the future? implying robots taking over others positions?

also??? past contestants coming back SEEING the toys?? maybe. Maybe.

the entire episode could also just be a discussion and play on the ethics of ai and how it's affecting the writing industry by putting people out of jobs due to its advancement and im reading way too much into it but hey im putting my hard hat on and channeling my inner matpat for this stupid show about objects with limbs (/pos btw)

also. are they gonna leave floor behind??? or will they scoop him into a terrarium, then plant him into inanimate island?

can he teleport that far?? how far is paradise?????????? ae drop the map pls/silly

ALSO ALSO. WHAT ARE THE INANI-MATES?? IS N/A THE LAST OF THEIR KIND??????? i doubt it but STILL everyone else in that group died

hey. why is the background of the recap song the background used when the gemories formed the silhouette of cobs. hey now.

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

here’s something been thinking about that don’t really know answer to. hoping other people may have thoughts about this that can explain to me.

promise this is being asked in good faith. have hard time understanding things like this.

so like. in online autistic community or in online ND community, is idea that variations of “being autistic/ND don’t excuse shitty behavior”

which. makes sense! saying someone is being racist bc of their autism is really shitty & deflecting responsibility & in a sense infantizing. racism not inherent to autism! and also ignores autistic BIPOC existence.

my dilemma comes from… i’m going to use examples bc that easiest.

an (say, level 2, so have significant enough social difficulties but still able to mostly independently participate in a small college. not all lvl 2 can do this but just for this example let’s say it’s the case) autistic person who repeatedly violate boundaries, pressures other disabled people to explain their access needs, have been repeatedly called out for their behavior and was frustrating to educate because melts down at conflict, and behavior does not change. which is like, objectively problematic behaviors!

but. they repeatedly violate boundaries partially bc they have trouble understanding social rules like that. also have trouble generalizing it: if call out problematic behavior in one specific context, may not be generalize to the next. them pressuring other disabled ppl to explain their access needs (sometimes abt disabilities they don’t have), partially because they have a hard time seeing other people’s perspectives, and it’s hard for them to be told “no” without understanding why, but bc it involves personal disability details, others aren’t always comfortable giving. they may not also understand that. they meltdown when being called out because it’s a lot of emotions and it also reminds them of all the previous times they’ve been socially rejected (bc they perceive this call out as a social rejection). maybe it’s me finding reasons for them because am naive and can’t comprehend sometimes people do bad things because it happens, but…

it’s clear that these are all autistic traits. autism is a disability that affects social stuff and some times it is messy.

and i don’t know how to make sense of this. autism doesn’t excuse or justify any of this behavior, they still need to take accountability of their actions. but how do you really do that when you don’t have full control over said behaviors (it’s not involuntary, but it’s a disorder for a reason)? it’s not the easy “they did that shitty thing just bc they can and they’re unwilling to change”? what happens if the person can’t mask, have a hard time changing their behavior? what happens when a person genuinely struggle to understand? this liminal space between too disabled to function or pass as functioning smoothly, but not disabled enough to be like, assumed as entirely incompetent, not disabled enough so you still kind of on edge of participating in social & society.

but what about the people they harmed? feeling like they want to blame them but also feeling like they can’t because their behavior is connected to their autism (which is different from pardoning them because of unrelated autism)?

don’t know where to balance trying really hard to hold them accountable for what they did. and there was natural consequences for their actions. without falling into space of essentially treating autism as a fancy label without actual effects and real life messy negative impacts. which i found the idea is kind of prominent among inexperienced ND communities (lower support needs?) so am trying reaaaally hard to steer clear of it.

don’t know if this makes sense???

[zhuzhudushu]

I just read your navigation page thing and was just curious about what it’s like to be a speech pathologist? I’m in college and was looking at jobs to do with language and this came up. I wasn’t sure about it at first but now I’m considering.

Ahh! Yes I can talk about my field forever lol.

I will say it is SUPER different depending on which area of specialty you're looking into. I don't know what you know of the field but you can work with children or adults, from infancy all the way through elderly. I've worked with <24 hours old infant to my oldest patient who was 106.

You can work in nursing homes, hospitals, outpatient rehab, inpatient rehab, acute care, private practice, ENT or audiology clinics, NICUs (infant intensive care unit), school systems (K-12), and preschool/daycares.

In case you want to know: schools pay the worst (bc summers off are unpaid), nursing homes and PRN medical positions (meaning "as needed" - part time & no benefits) pay the most.

So... that's a lot. We do way more than literally anyone is aware of, even other healthcare workers.

All that to say, my experience is not necessarily the same as a speech therapist working in another setting.

I'm currently working in a small hospital, in both acute care with adults, and outpatient with kids. I like it, and actually just got a better job that's full-time outpatient with kids starting next month. I work with everything from children with autism, speech delays, articulation disorders, cerebral palsy, down's syndrome, etc. in outpatient, to strokes, brain injuries, dementia, covid/respiratory concerns, post-ventilator, head & neck cancer, or really any diagnosis in acute care.

So.. it's a lot lol. I really like my job. It's a lot of hard work, and grad school sucks ass. But with my new job I start next month, I will make enough money to live alone in my own apartment independently and still save some money. It's not a perfect field (it's literally 95% white women nationwide so... keep that in mind) and there's actually a lot of prejudice and ableism, but I hope to part of the change to fix it. It's a financially stable career, and a desperately needed career. If you love language/linguistics and want to help people, I would highly recommend it!

If you want language specifically (meaning you would be working more with language than speech/swallowing) then you're probably going to want either kids with language delays, which can be found in any pediatric setting, OR adult outpatient or inpatient rehab, where language-based and cognitive-based therapy is the most common.

I am always open to speech questions!! If you'd like me to expand/clarify anything I mentioned here (I tried not to use too much medical jargon but lol) or something else entirely let me know. Since I work with kids and adults everyday I'm a very general practitioner ;D

[creepycrawliesinyourwalls]

rambling; online diary

i truely believe i can do heroin and not be addicted. i've been on dilaudid before, ive gotten high off my ass on weed, i took some vyvanse to see how itd go, and ultimately it was boring. being high is kinda boring. i complain about not having my cart, sure. but being so fr rn i do it for show. no one would ever believe me in a million years, but it is genuinely for show.

i have a hard time defining myself as a person, given the disorders i have. anything and everything that i could add to myself to humanize myself is a positive, never a negative. humanity is by definition flawed and faulty, if i have a flaw im more easily humanized.

im also incapable of being perfect, though if i wasn't abused to the point of my brain never fully forming a cohesive personality, i'm sure id be a prodigy. if my brain genetically disabled, i'd be top of my class, 4.0 gpa with honors.

with dissociative identity disorder, autism, adhd, bipolar 1, ptsd, clinical depression, arfid, and probably some sort of personality disorder, its hard to care about anything at all. these are only the mental and neurological disorders and defects, too.

inherently i was given the worst hand i could have gotten in birth. my potential is wasted, trapped inside this failure of a body. i could have been so much more. my face is somewhat conventionally attractive, so theres a win.

im confident that without my memory issues, joint pain, and depression i could be a full blown doctor. i have to settle for marketing, because my gpa currently is too low to get into engineering. i wanted to do mathematics for awhile to get into finance or something. i wanted to do geology bc my special interest is rocks, but i don't want to work for an oil company.

if i am not constantly improving with my life in any aspects, if i am stagnant for a stretch of time, i consider it a failure.

i do not have a personality, at least nothing coherent and consistent. some people say im loud, some say im shy. sweet, mean, smart, dumb, its all contradictory traits.

i consider myself better then most of the people i choose to be friends with. a good lot of them (danny, chloe, viktor) will probably never go to college. kaden might go, but im sure she'd just party the whole time. alix is maybe the only one who i'd even consider on my level, since he's aiming for law and finds debates enjoyable. he has the drive and determination to do well in life, and is at the very least takes steps to get where he wanted to get.

chloe wanted to get into medicine and be a doctor. she is chronically disabled and was failing half of he classes. from disabled to disabled person, there is no way in hell you are making it that far. id be surprised if she made it past 25, honestly. she viewed mental hospitals as a vacation, even excluding the morals on that view, its incorrect. she believed she wasn't addicted to her medication, and that it actually helped her. she never even tried.

i am beginning to become fond of alix, though. i hope my headmates realize how much better his is compared to others. taylor and vee are already fond of him, which is a good sign.

we seem to be improving our depression symptoms and dissociative amnesia, and we joined a cbt program to further along process after being voluntarily admitted to a psychiatric facility. (yes, we did ask to go. we were going to kill ourselves as soon as we were alone, we needed immediate help.) i want to work on breaking down our gatekeepers resolve, and get us to a place where we can work on final fusion. i would also like to address our npd traits, but our therapist wouldnt believe us, so ill have to work on that myself.

we haven't been practicing our religion as much as we used too, its kind of sad. we send a prayer up to apollo occasionally, and he usually answers. but otherwise we havent done any spell work. its sucks to admit it, and god to i want to delete this paragraph but i need to work on vulnerability to create and foster friendships that are mutually beneficial.

ive never seen the point of online friends, i think the concept is pointless. i've tried doing it, and everytime we ended up ghosting them. the effort did not match the spoils. if im going to have friends, i need them to invest in me before i invest in them. it can be materially, emotionally, or physically. as long as i gain benefits, you will too.

[moibakadesu]

Same anon as before (make a nickname for me if you see it be), sorry to reply in your box and not in repost, im just nervous 😭

Honestly, I genuinely think some of Harukas behaviour stems from his neglectful mother and not just his autism. He very clearly shows skills that are typical for his age and some people act like he can't read or write at all. He's not stupid. He's delayed, mostly bc of a lack of a support system as a kid.

I believe that like many childhood neglect victims he's mentally trapped, where he has the capability of maturity but doesn't act that way in an effort to preserve his innocence, (also why I think he's lying a bit about his age).

Now, to my favourite thing to talk about, his bpd symptoms. I could go on but I'll mention the most prominent ones, aka his abandonment issues and his fp like relationship with Muu. I see so many fucking ppl calling him a yandere and shit and it's just annoying bc that term inherently demonises individuals w bpd as it's literally an ableist stereotype.

Alr sorry for rambling!! I doubt this is even coherent, all three topics are things I've went through/have btw

Okay bye bye :>

No worries "based Haruka anon", I do understand. And I absolutely agree, honestly Haruka's mother/his parents are the true culprits of his case in my eyes, because nothing of this would have happened if Haruka would have gotten the proper support and treatment that he needed. I think that is why my heart hurts for him so much, he really is a victim of his circumstances. Also so much agreed on the thing about people acting as if he is stupid ... that is another incredibly ableist thing. He needs a bit more time and help compared to a neurotypical person and that's about it. I'm also on the same boat when it comes to his age, I think for him it is a mix of actually having lost track (I highly doubt his birthdays got celebrated at home) and him just picking an age where you are usually not yet perceived as a full fledged adult. I can easily see him being 19 or maybe in his early twenties already. And I also thought about BPD Haruka before. I am always torn between DPD and BPD when it comes to him, because both could work for him well in the way he gets attached to people and acts to keep these connections intact. I myself don't have either of these, but I had multiple partners with BPD, so I'm not unfamiliar with it. I do have to say in my eyes his connection with Muu and her most likely NPD is still a match made in hell and I hope it will not go in t3, because it isn't good for either of them. Not to unbox too much personal trauma, but having gotten out of a codependency myself about half a year ago their case reallly hits a nerve, because I see a lot of things reflected in there.

[domesticateddog]

no you're right!!! a bunch of teenagers/young adults on here pretend they have autism when they literally don't because the far end of the spectrum has identifiers that most human beings in the world experience so theres no real way to call them out for it cause then you're "ableist". then what the fuck is pretending to be autistic? fuck that other anon they do not know anything and are disgusting for saying things like that to you i'm sorry you have to deal with that!

the tumblr/tiktokification of mental health has severely damaged the conversation about mental illness, especially autism lately. and if you call them out then you’re ableist exactly like you said. it’s maddening. it’s a real life-altering disability that has been boiled down to cutesy/quirky personality traits on a bingo board. like yeah it’s great people are becoming aware of it and talking about it but at the same time they’re dumbing it down to make it palatable for everyone to resonate with, which is damaging for people with the “ugly” REAL disabilities.

and also people will go like “wait i hate getting water on my hands doing the dishes which means get overstimulated/have sensory issues which means i must be autistic!” and then suddenly they’re an expert on it bc they’re obsession with [insert entertaining hobby they do/watch/play] MUST also be a hyperfixation and then they send me shit about it bc i mentioned that i thought my boyfriend could also be autistic. so yeah maybe i am armchair diagnosing but i DO have actual experience with the full spectrum of asperger’s, not the social mediaified, easy-to-swallow version.

i hope what i’m saying makes sense btw this head cold is killing brain cells as we speak lol much love to you though <3333

[thegracelessfaceless]

Hello, I’d like a romantic (+NSFW) matchup! 

You can call me 🥩 Anon

I’m a bisexual gender-fluid AFAB (they/he) in my late twenties.

Physical description: a bit over 5’, petite frame with some muscle from my line cook job. My hair is long, dark, and wild, I have big brown eyes with thick lashes, small hands, and I’ve been told I have a great smile, despite my teeth being crooked (which I’m kind of insecure about;;). I have stretched ears, a lip piercing, and there are little moles and freckles all over me (though the rest of my skin is pale enough to see through) along with various little scars on my forearms from being burned or cut at work. 

Personality: Introverted but very friendly, easily attached to people, quickly ride-or-die. I’m physically affectionate with my friends and my partner (but hate being touched by strangers), playful, passionate, dedicated, sensitive, empathetic, romantic and horny af. I’m an entertainer at heart and love to make people laugh! I am autistic and have ADHD, so I feel all my emotions very deeply (and I fall in love hard and fast), can sometimes overreact in the moment, have mood drops and sensory issues, and I’m usually the last to catch a drift (including when someone is trying to flirt with me). I'm addicted to caffeine and smoke my fair share of weed (but am a bit of a lightweight). Usually a home-body, but I like to go adventuring once in a while with the right people.

Interests: In my free time, I like to draw, write, bake/cook, watch cartoons and daydream, though I’d like to make my art my full-time job! I’m a sucker for anything cute, but I also love horror and will often mix the two in my creative work. I have a broad taste in music and my wardrobe is eclectic, ranging from pastels to punk (just depends on the day and the gender). I also collect stickers, scrap paper and various other trinkets that I never really use (I just like looking at them lol)

Relationships: Usually monogamous, but open to a poly relationship with the right people. I love playful teasing, inside jokes, and general silliness in relationships, as well as a lot of physical touch, positive affirmation and acts of service (I also give gifts, but feel weird receiving them if they’re expensive. Home-made is much better!). I’m highly devoted and affectionate with my partner(s), but still very much value my privacy and alone time. I am mentally ill and need a partner who will be understanding of the difficulties that come with that. I cannot handle someone raising their voice at me or being passive-aggressive. Very clear, calm communication and honesty are a must! They have to be respectful of my gender identity as well, or things will never work.

NSFW: I’m a sub-leaning switch (more dom on masc days). What turns me on most is turning my partner on and knowing I’m making them feel good! I’m moderately kinky (with like A LOT of different kinks that hit at different times) but I still love romantic, vanilla sex and would never pressure my partner to participate in my kinks if they weren’t into it (that’s what my art and writing are for!). My libido tends to be 0 or 100, so its all cuddles or they have to scrape me off of them to get anything done. (PS hope they like rawdogging bc I hate the texture of condoms (and I’ve got an IUD so no worries they can go nuts lol 👍))

Thanks in advance :)

It's always so fun to have a new Anon! Welcome to the blog. Ya know you remind me a lot of one of my closest Tumblr friends... Anywho!

Your match is

꒒ꍏꋪꋪꌩ ꀭꂦꃅꈤꌗꂦꈤ ❤️

I think Larry would most definitely be appreciative of a smol king (read that like you're hearing Bill and Ted talk)

Larry likes to come up behind you and rest his chin on the top of your head while holding you. He sways gently to whatever song is currently playing in his head

Larry has ADHD too, so he gets it

And he understands that ADHD and autism have quite a few overlapping symptoms.

So he's ultra understanding when it comes to that

And Larry isn't really attracted to a specific gender

"Whatever makes you happy, babe. You do you, and, uh, I'll do you too 😁"

Cue goofy, gap-toothed smile

I feel like you and Larry met at work?

Like you were doing your line cook thing and Larry was on dish duty

So he spied you drawing while you were on break

And he came up and sat next to you, asking if you wanted to spend break smoking and talking about art

And it just blossomed from there

Larry really likes your art. He likes his seamlessly you incorporate horror and gore into cutesy pastel colored works

He also enjoys seeing what you come up with music wise

Larry has endless suggestions to help you expand your playlist even more, giving you a crash course in all things metal

Skipping around because ADHD rules me too 😅

Larry is very touched by your loyalty

He's kind of got some abandonment issues from Jim

So the fact that you're there? Ride or die?

That means so much to Larry that he gets teary eyed thinking about it

Larry loves your smile

He, of all people, understands that teeth don't have to be perfectly straight to make up a great smile

Since Larry loves your smile so much

He goes to super extra lengths to ensure that he sees it as much as possible

Like he really hams it up for you

Acting like a himbo who was born yesterday

Just so you'll have someone to laugh/fret over

He just wants to see you happy

And even when you're not so happy, he's patient.

He'll help you get through it

Larry would definitely have a higher weed tolerance than you

But I think his mere presence would help to raise your tolerance by at least 37.3%

I can see him pulling you, Sal and company along on a sativa fueled adventure though

Even though he prefers to stay in as well

Larry also survives on caffeine, and throw in pizza and strawberry Häagen Dazs and you've got his major food groups.

But Larry would be totally into your baking and cooking

He'd be your number one taste tester

Also, Larry is the king of pancake dinners (or breakfasts... Any meal really)

So yeah, enjoy that ☺️

Also high cartoon binges are a pretty regular occurrence with Larry

Half of what Larry watches is cartoons.

The rest is stuff like Three Busy Debra's, The Whitest Kids You Know, Brad Neely's Harg Nallin Sclopio Peepio, etc

Overall, I feel like Larry really matches your personality qualities and love languages

His love languages are physical touch, words of affirmation, and acts of service

Does song writing count as gift giving?

Yes, you heard me

Larry writes you songs

Sometimes the lyrics are deep, meaningful, full of emotion and passion with intricate guitar work

Other times the songs are more simplistic musically, with dumb or cheesy lyrics

But sometimes you make Larry just that

Dumb and cheesy

Citrus below cut 🍋 🍊 🍋 🍊

First off, thank you for being clear about whether you wanted nsfw, as well as your age range. Ilysm for that, Anon of the month award ⭐⭐⭐

Larry is a dom switch and no one can tell me differently

But in your situation, this works out great

He's got a heavy lean to the dom side, but will sub in the right circumstances

He's especially more open to subbing if you're having one of your masc days

Even if he does act a little like a brat

I hope you like brat taming, heh 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think Larry is also notoriously horny on main

This man can turn anything into a dirty joke, if given enough time

I can see him bravely assisting you as you tackle your kink list

Such a brave, honorable guy!

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: May 15th Part 1

It’s been longer than usual since our last answer session, so I’m answering a ton of questions today! It’s so big I split it into two parts. Thank you for the patience on getting a response to these.

Thanks for reaching out to us with your questions and kind words ^^!

Sorry if this has been asked before or isn't something you can say but is there anyway for Cove to confess in step 4? I wanted him to confess in step 3 and followed all the steps to make him do it but ended up texting my family instead of Cove at the end.

Yeah, Cove can confess in Step 4!

Hello! I heard that Cove is on the spectrum, albeit undiagnosed. As someone who is ND, this makes me UNBELIEVABLY happy. I literally was brought to tears! Thank you for that!

Out of curiosity, will Cove be diagnosed in Step 4? I have a strong feeling y’all won’t make it a HUGE deal/make it out to be negative, so I’m not worried about that whatsoever! I’m just curious just he’ll off handedly mention it? Or will it just not be touched upon at all (which is ok!)?

Either way is ok, I’m just curious!

I’m happy it made you happy! Admittedly, Cove simply being someone with autism that grew up not being diagnosed was something I included for myself. I didn’t really think anyone would notice or ask about it, aha. But players did start to have questions about his traits, so I started to talk about it outside of the game. It’s great to see it get such a positive response and now I do feel like having it be a non-topic may have been the wrong choice and bringing it up would’ve been good in terms of having positive representation for that. I don’t know if I’ll find a way to mention it in Step 4 now, with how far along the game is, but I am at least thinking about it when originally it wasn’t something I really even considered.

Hey!  Just wanted to say thank you for Our Life.  It's been a bright spot and a needed escape in what's otherwise been a crummy year.  I know you just did a Q&A post but I figured I'd ask anyway.  Was just curious about Step 4.  Will it be similar to the other Steps in that it consists of several different moments or will it just be one long sequence?

Step 4 is shorter than the prior Steps because it’s just an epilogue rather than a full arc of a story. It’ll consist of scenes that all happen in a set row one after the other. There won’t be a collection of Moments to choose from. But it’ll still be very sweet and fun.

¡hola!, you see, first I want to say that I love Our Life! (°◡°♡) and I have 2 important questions, would Cove cry watching titanic? and what is the saddest part according to him? (sorry for my english) 

Titanic would make him cry. He’d probably think the parts showing people who aren’t able to make it to the life boats/are choosing to stay and go down with the ship were the saddest.

Hello, I wanted to ask how much you earn with creating games? Like is it possible to make a living? Thank you >< <3 

How much I earn varies a lot month to month based on Steam sales, Patreon backers, and how many projects are in full production at the time. It’s also hard to say how much I make historically, since that also changes dramatically year by year. But I do earn enough to work on these games full time! I really appreciate all the support that allows me to do that.

Hey!! I was wondering for the 18+ Our Life moment, will there be an emphasis on safety/comfort for all involved? I feel like there  would be just going off of what the rest of the game is like, but I wanted to ask 

Yes! Cove is a nervous boy himself and also super cautious about doing anything the MC doesn’t like, so clear consent from both is absolutely needed for anything to happen. It’s a conversational sexy times Moment with stops/starts so the two can talk about how they’re feeling, rather than a heat of the moment just going for it kind of thing.

Hey!! I was wondering how long the wedding dlc would be? Will it be broken up into moments, or just one big event? 

It’s one long series of scenes all in a row rather than a collection of Moments to pick from. It’s the shortest and the least expensive of all the DLCs. It’s not super crucial to get and those who aren’t into big weddings can totally skip it without worry.

HELLO AMAZING DEVS 👋 i am hopelessly in love with the worst guy ever (jeremy king) and because of this i have a really stupid question: does he really hate people who are nice to him? TvT he’s too cute to be mean to istg it’s a miracle JB held the urge to be consistently nice to him bc just look at his FACE he is so cute! thank you for jeremy’s route it’s so lovely (and awful bc he’s scum 11/10) it gave me so much laughs LMAO i hope you guys have a good day!! 

Haha, thank you. He doesn’t hate them but he’s certainly not pleased with them. Jeremy is either uncomfortable with or annoyed by people being sweet on him, depending on how they approach it. He’s far more comfortable with jerkiness. It lets him relax and he can be himself without it being a problem, since he’s also a jerk. He feels a level of guilt being such a little punk to kind people, not enough to be a better person but still.

Has Cove dated or been interested in someone other than MC? 

Nope! He stays single over the course of the game if he’s not with the MC.

Is Step 4 more mature? Or it's gonna be set in similar atmosphere as Step 3? 

Step 4 is a similar atmosphere as Step 3. Though, it’s actually kind of less mature-topic heavy than Step 3 since it’s just a ‘hey, let’s check in on the gang to see what they’re up to’ style epilogue rather than a story arc with serious issues.

will there be new music for now and forever?? or will the old our life music be reused? 

It’s gonna be a brand new soundtrack. We’ll be opening up a job position for that soon.

Hi, is it okay if we use the assets in Our Life (like the sprites) for fanworks or fan content content, like edits? 

Sure! Just as long as you don’t use the assets made by those artists to make money.

Quick clarification on Step 3 choices: I hope I didn't come off rude (because I LOVE the game, really!!), I was just curious because the intro threw me off at times. For example, you could choose how you felt about Elizabeth in Step 2 (Dinner), but during the Step 3 intro, it says that you got closer to Liz and I didn't get a choice in it. 

For the example, it can’t be helped that you’re closer to Liz in Step 3 than you were in Step 2 because she’s inherently closer to the MC regardless of whether you liked her or not in Step 2. Her feelings are out of your control and the game isn’t so dramatic that you can push her affection away and not let her bond with you, haha. But ‘being closer’ can still be relative. For some people maybe that means you’re best buds now and for others it might just mean you’re not fighting all the time any more. If there’s other parts you want to mention, feel free to let us know.

Did the illustrator for Our Life change? 

We have many OL artists! The main artists who set the game’s style haven’t changed, but there’s multiple other artists who help finish assets.

So Miranda's type is confident and outgoing, huh? So...does that mean Terri's her type?? 👀 

Haha, sorry for the late reply on this. As you might’ve seen in our post yesterday- yeah that is her type.

Hey! First, I just want to say I've really enjoyed how detailed OL got with gender identity and sexuality and how respectful the topics were handled! It's been so wonderful to play since the experiences could be close to my own (I'd be lying if I said I didn't tear up at parts). Second, I was wondering, would future games explore the topic of polyamory? I'd love to see more visual novels allow room for that and I saw you've explored the topic before.

Keep up the amazing work! ♡

Thank you! We do want to include polyamory in at least some of our future projects. Floret Bond, which might be what you’re referring to when mentioning how we’ve explored the topic before, is on hold unfortunately. So right now I’m not sure when something might release or what will be the first game of ours to come out with poly relationships (we might do something else before FB is done). We’ll have see how things ends up coming together.

Hey um. I feel like im not allowed to ask this on the private discord cuz people will yell at me but why is there so much focus on OL2 and not finishing OL1 stuff? I like the new people but i kind of want to finish cove's story and get derek and baxter stuff first. didn't people pay for it? 

I’m sorry, I don’t understand entirely what’s making that situation a concern. There’s a channel in the discord for critique where no one is allowed to comment back. People can voice things they’re worried about without any way for others to push back on it. And the two teams working on the OL games are different. We try to post pretty often about how we’re hiring brand new people to start on Our Life: Now & Forever. The OL1 team is all still working on OL1 like normal. There’s only more updates on the Patreon for OL2 because the expansions to the first game are mostly script-based at this point while OL2 is just starting to get all its art, which means there’s a lot more to show off as previews.

Also, there was a Kickstarter for the first Our Life, if that’s what you mean by people paying for it. But one of the stretch goals was to start Our Life 2 early, before fully completing Our Life 1, so that the new game could be out sooner. It wouldn’t make sense to stop doing OL2 work because that would be going against what backers were promised. Maybe you didn’t get the full story before and hopefully this clears it up!

Hello! I know it's up to every player but.. What is your recommendation for playing order? Did you ever had any timeline  events planned? 

I didn’t make the events with a planned timeline. The events got made simply as I had ideas for them and then I just kind of organized them from left to right on the screen in an order to space out more dramatic ones between more lighthearted ones. Any order the player wants to go with is totally valid!

Hi! It's Step 4 a paid dlc or update? And how long it's planned to be? Ps. Love the game! 

The Step 4 epilogue is free! The Cove Wedding DLC does cost money, though. Those are planned to be shorter than the usual Steps/DLCs.

Will we have options for what sort of job the MC might have by the time step 4 takes place? 

Yeah, you can. It’s not super exact or detailed, but there are options about it.

Is there a pandemic in Our Life world, or is it just in a better timeline with no pestilence? 

Our Life is pandemic-free! That didn’t exist when we began working on the project and it’s not something we’d like to feature in this story now that it has unfortunately come along, aha.

Hi, you said that you can play tic-tac-toe or hangman with Cove in Boating if you're sick/scared but I keep getting tic-tac-toe. Am I doing something wrong?

After being sick/scared you have to continue to be upset/unwell. If you calm down and decide to just chill you’ll end up playing tic-tac-toe.

Hi, GB Patch! Since Lee was initially commissioned to only appear in two Steps does this mean she won't appear in the Wedding DLC? I really like her character so it'll be a little weird to not have our cousin at our wedding, aha.

She is gonna be in Step 4/the wedding DLC after all! We’re still working with her creator to make sure it fits with what they wanted.

Is Sunset Bird based on a real place? Asking for a friend, not trying to move there or anything. 👀

It’s based on small beach towns in So-Cal, but not one specific town you could go see in real life, I’m afraid. It’d be nice if it was real, though.

—– —– —– —–

We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ   Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

[crimeronan]

can I ask how you met your partners, or if you have any advice for meeting folks? I'm queer and physically disabled and I just feel like I'll be alone forever.

i'm a little sleepy but will try to answer this as concisely as i can

i met all of my partners online! i've conducted the vast majority of my social life online since i was about 12 for various reasons (ugly child, autism, bad at irl social, isolated in rural hell, etc)

and i met each partner through mutual interests like writing & fandom. we became friends thru that and then were eventually like you know what?? life commitment time baybey

none of my relationships have been rooted in Wanting A Relationship. i just met people i mesh with and they mesh with me and we work well together and we decided to keep doing that indefinitely

as for meeting people, the only advice i can give is what worked for me, which might not be true for you. as mentioned i have been terminally online for more than half of my life. and am not normal. but here goes

1) let go of the goal of Meeting Your Person

nothing wrong with wanting to meet your person or working to do so -- but if you equate socializing with "i have to make this work" and "i have to meet someone" and "if i don't click with anyone i'll be lonely forever"...... that is So Much pressure.

not only will it make you anxious, but it'll create enormous pressure for any friendship/relationship you end up in. and if things get too intense too fast bc of that pressure, & the other person turns out not to be who you hoped they were, that heartbreak will make the anxiety and loneliness way worse. it'll be harder to try again (but not!!!! impossible!!!!!)

2) vibe over common interests

pretty much every strong friendship i've ever had has had Some mutual interest as a foundation. a mutual interest gives you guys something to talk about. and something to get excited about!

cannot even express how much more relaxed i am when i go into a social situation like "fuck yeah, i'm gonna infodump about my blorbos" instead of "oh god theyre new and i'm out of practice and what will they think of me and what if i fuck up and how do i be funny enough and how do i make them like me-"

like. don't seek out people for the sake of people. seek out people for the sake of being excited and happy about non-people things... with company!! flap with friends

3) group settings are Amazing

a lot of my closest friendships and relationships have spawned out of group settings: discord servers, large open RP rooms, niche forums populated by the same band of teenage regulars every day.

again, this might not be what works for you. but for me, group socialization removes a lot of pressure to Perform, while still giving me room to participate. and then i'll usually find even more niche common ground with a handful of people in a group setting. and that's what turns into DMs and creative collaboration and 3am yelling and shared new media and emotional support and then sometimes, by accident, committed life partnerships

my whole social life from age 12 to now can be summarized by me finding an online clique of total weirdos, vibing with them, and then getting great connections out of that. lather rinse repeat ad infinitum

and that's.... all i've got for u, i think. life is definitely not hopeless. people don't need to be everything all at once, you don't need anyone to be everything all at once. breathe, let some of the pressure go, enjoy yourself where you can. there's a lot to explore and a bright future full of possibilities left. you're going to be fine

[bandofchimeras]

Re: autism, trauma and emotional labor of survival

I've beaten myself into a hollowed out anxious wreck trying to maintain a facade of being decent and likable and cool and what tbe fuck ever it would take for people to keep talking to me, include me in things. Mostly bc i live on the edge of poverty acutely aware of possibly needing to survive or get medical expenses paid via fundraiser. Maintaining lots of points of contact feels vital.

Itdoesn't work, and in fact backfired in then doing vulnerability oversharing honesty whiplash like hey actually, I am a MESS please don't leave me or Now I Really Need Help and like....

that's toxic, and its exhausting and I'm fucking sick of it. But I have to point this out:

when you're traumatized & autistic, "just be yourself" DOES NOT WORK THE WAY YOU FUCKING THINK IT DOES. you can NOT be yourself at work all the time, especially if you want to advance. You HAVE to control your moods, your tone, your sensory experiences, or advocate for yourself in advance. in many places publicly it is dangerous to stim or frolic or even to zone out, much less to meltdown. you don't just get to relax without experiencing a lot of literal uncalled for hate. you will be disliked and people will constantly find problems with you even if you mask. On the internet, you will offend or upset or confuse people.

Its literally inescapable.

So stop pretending socializing can be easy for everyone if they just relax. That's so silly.

When you're autistic and traumatized,, you have to find your people. who understand, accommodate, and love you, who can be honest when you make mistakes without roasting you over the spit. y

To heal, you have to create a really nice and safe space in your own home to decompress and YOU and the other people in your family, chosen or otherwise, determine what that means. Not any arbitrary social rules about Good Behavior. You have to find a big support system.

And not everyone can or does. Not everyone gets there. Especially physically disabled autistic people. Especially trans autistic people.

There's a lot of abuse, codependency, getting stuck, falling in with the wrong crowd, while you try to figure out survival.

And while I don't mean to paint a bleak picture and its very very possible to create a beautiful loving life while disabled, autistic, traumatized....I wish someone had been real with me early on about the risks, and popped some of my idealistic bubbles. Given me a good schooling on red flags, on navigating welfare, on social rules and what to expect from people.

It doesn't just get better.

You have to fight to make it better and even then sometimes...it just is what it is. You're not immune from getting kicked down the drain pipe. Life's like that and yeah. It sucks.

Thats the whole reason WHY being kind is important but being kind all the time will also not always help you survive. Your soul needs protection too. And so....

Its okay to mask. Its okay to study NT society and get along. Its okay to live under a lot of pressure so you can keep yourself or loved ones afloat. Its okay to reconcile with the parasitic selves constructed by your pain. Its okay if you never fully heal because life doesn't stop beating you down. Its okay not to be where you thought you would be or have to make choices you don't want to make to survive. You don't have to be relaxed and full of pleasure and wonderful experiences even if you deserve them, you just have to keep going and carve out time and space for them when you can.

And I'm rooting for all of us to make it out of survival mode and find the goodness that can lift one another up. But it is hard. And for some of us, those very vital social relationships that enable survival are the hardest things to find and maintain while being ourselves.

Some days positivity and hope are nice. But tonight I need to be real. And its okay. It really is okay. If you're alive, fed, and relatively safe....you're doing wonderful. And there is always another chance to connect, or get to somewhere better. But its okay to just be where you are now, too. Even if its alone or in a life you never would have wanted.

Don't give up just because its harder than you expected.

Its not your fault.

[arizona-trash-bag]

I can totally explain a bit of my thinking behind seeing lwj as autistic and wwx as autistic/adhd!! Before I get into specifics though, let me preface with where I’m coming from. I first saw CQL and then read the EXR translation of the novel. I prefer MDZS to CQL, but also want to acknowledge that because I do not read/speak Mandarin I am inherently experiencing this story second-hand and therefore am probably missing out on a lot of nuances. I am trying to learn Mandarin, but it will be a long time before I am even a little close to fluent lol.

Another preface- obviously not all autistic people present in the same way, and many of the things that I will mention are not solely specific to autistic people either. It’s one of those things where all of it added up together points towards asd, but each one individually would not on its own indicate asd, you know? Also, I will say that many of the things I picked up on for both characters are autistic traits that many autistic people have vs the clinical characteristics (much like most of the case I could make for wwx’s adhd would be adhd traits he has rather than symptoms that would lead to a real-world diagnosis.) Edit: OH! I almost forgot to say, that also all of these traits I’m listing are from a western perspective, and I would LOVE to read more about how autism presents in different cultures and to see conversations between autistc Chinese people specifically, so as to see if these traits are specific to western autistic people or not, but again, I do not speak Mandarin or Cantonese or any other Chinese dialect, so that’s a little inaccessible for me atm.

Ok, SO, for both characters I would list: strong sense of justice, lack of care for society’s opinion (I feel like it could be argued that lwj does to a certain point, but imo he operates more from what he morally considers to be correct and from a place of familial duty vs catering to the opinion of society at large), and then more vaguely, they both seem to be “nerdy” (this doesnt feel like the most accurate term, especially because it's not like being scholarly is specific to their characters, especially in ancient fantasy China- it’s more that their particular hmmm, flavor?? of love of knowledge feels very neurodivergent to me, vs like, being scholarly because it’s the thing that is expected of a Young Master, if that makes any sense at all- like the difference btwn someone getting an engineering degree because it is expected of them vs because they genuinely love engineering), and lastly for both- I would say that they are canonically kinky, and while I can’t cite any statistics, there’s a pretty high correlation between being autistic and being into kink. Obviously, not every person who is not vanilla is autistic, and not every autistic person is into kink…….but there is a high correlation.

For lwj specifically, the things that made me think he might be autistic are his lack of outward emoting combined with his depth and breadth of emotions, how he seems to thrive in and quite enjoy the very structured environment he grew up in, and then the last one off the top of my head (side note, I feel like a week from now I’m going to randomly think of other examples lol) I’m not actually sure IS an example, because I know (thanks to the awesome post from hunxi that you linked to that I had read previously) that his succintness does not equal autism, but I do kind of feel like it is very autistic to Always be so formal and to Always talk in textbook perfect language.

For wwx, I also think he likely has CPTSD! I’m not going to list anything for adhd or cptsd since we both agree on those :) As far as being autistic goes, there is, of course, the high prevalence of adhd/asd comorbidity. For specifc traits- while autism can show up as lack of facial expressions/tone, it can also show up as being overly exuberant and overexpressive. Especially for younger autistic children this can show up as being overly friendly/no boundaries w/ strangers (just?? going home with a random man who says he knew wwx’s parents???), making unusual connections that others do not can be both asd and adhd, his disregard for social status (disregard might be a strong word, and also I feel like this might be one of those things that got lost in translation and if I had read the original text I might have a different opinon, but what I mean here is the way that often autistic people learn certain social rules and try their best to follow them, but often do not pick up on specifics related to social hierarchy that are not spelled out for them- I think jyl’s take down of jin zixun is a great example of the /oppossite/ of what I’m talking about, and is a very neurotypical interaction. An example also of what I mean by disregard for social hierarchy, but from my own life, is how I’ve reflected on past convos w/ my boss only to realize that what I thought was just an interesting conversation about our opinons on a particular subject was actually them trying to tell-me-as-my-boss something they wanted me to do. We ended up doing things the way I wanted to do them because I didn’t realize that they were telling me to do something because they didnt explicitly say so, and because I just don’t pick up on when people are saying something from a social hierarchy pov. Idk if this makes sense or not, so I’m happy to try to expand if you would like me to. I feel like wwx could be described as having alexithymia, which is very common in autistic people, but could also be due to his cptsd. And then, I don’t feel like this is a true point because it is kind of based on headcanon? but wwx feels very demisexual to me, which is much more common for autistic people than it is for allistic people. But him being demi is not canon, just my perception of him (I see him as demisexual gay w/ massive comphet, but I know lots of people see him as bi, which also totally makes sense!!)

Tbh, I’m having a harder time than I thought I would listing wwx specifics. I might go through the book sometime this weekend and see if there are specific moments that pop out at me, but tbh w/ him its more that he Feels very adhd/asd to me?? Idk, I was diagnosed w/ adhd when I was 8, and all 4 of my siblings plus my father have offical adhd diagnoses. I’m 29 now and was only diagnosed as autistic earlier this year.  All of my close friends have always been either adhd, asd, or adhd/asd. There have been multiple people I have met that I’ve suspected were neurodivergent who have later told me they started looking into it and are now seeking formal diagnoses. I mention these things, only to give full context when I say that I have spent a lot of time observing the differences between interacting with neurotypicals and neurodivergents. I mean, obviously, it’s possible that I could just be projecting, but to me, Wwx gives off late-diagnosed/heavy masker autism/adhd combo vibes. Again, maybe I am projecting, but I did try to analyze whether I was or not previously, and determined that since in the past with other favorite characters (who I probably share more similarities in personality with) I did not feel like they were neurodivergent, so I figured that probably I wasn’t? That feels like a very convoluted sentence, but what I mean is that I have not thought that about other characters who have been my fav, so I figured that while I do project in certain areas that this particular area probably wasn’t one of them. Or, to say it in yet another way, since i did not project any of my neurodivergencies on past favorite characters, I figured I probably didn’t start doing so now.

I would love to hear more of your perspective on this, particularly because I worry that I do not have the cultural touchstones to realize when something wwx or lwj is doing is not actually a sign of being neurodivergent. I try my best to research things I don’t know about and to listen to fans who actually do have that cultural understanding, but there’s only so much I can look into on my own when I only speak/read english. And also, I love mdzs and I love talking about both adhd and autism, so I’m glad to talk about these subjects with someone else who also likes all of those topics :) Sorry for sending a book of a response and also I hope you are having a great day!!

wow wow wow anon THANK YOU for doing your research and acknowledging your blind spots you seriously made my day. I wanted to get to this as soon as I made that rant while sharing cyan’s post bc this is specifically an example of a well researched proposition based on actual lived experience and critical thinking.

I almost want to ask you to come forward so we can take this convo elsewhere for a more nuanced discussion bc you’ve already hit upon an issue that’s been holding me back from making a big blathering masterpost on the matter - that the ND experience is so unique and individual, and no one person can dictate someone else’s experience. at the end of the day, if you personally relate to these characters and gain more understanding of yourself and your experiences from them, who am I to take that away from you?

in a public space though I have to make the discussion very broad in order to accurately contextualize these issues, bc in typical autistic fashion I feel morally compelled to Do My Best and Get It Right even as the masses show no inclination of returning the favor, so apologies for the boring backstories I have to get out of the way before we can approach anything resembling new ground.

first from a diagnostic standpoint, while I recognize the traits you listed (and appreciate your clearly nuanced understanding of ND expressions) and would find value in exploring them in a personal context, they are not unique to adhd and/or autism and wouldn’t constitute a basis for diagnosis in a clinical setting. I know that's probably beside the point for this anon, but there's enough edgy teens hoarding labels out there without tacit encouragement from scientists (yes I am technically a scientist, even though my ideologies these days range from conventional to... wildly esoteric, shall we say)

from a cultural standpoint, it’s important for me to emphasize that the concept of neurodivergence is a uniquely western notion. for those unfamiliar, the term 'neurodiversity' was only coined in 1998. I was born in 1991. I existed for a whole 7 years as an autistic person before the idea of being neurodivergent was even a thing. this ND acceptance thing is very, very new - people were not making tiktok confessionals about their adhd diagnosis journeys when I was growing up.

china, like most asian countries, is about 20 years or more behind on just about every social issue compared with western countries. to better illustrate, the experience of being ND in china falls much closer to the conventional experience of disability (i.e. being eugenicized out of existence) than the tentative ND acceptance movement that’s been kickstarted in the past 20 years in the anglosphere.

safe to say, there is no ND coding going on in chinese media. characters are either explicitly ND or they're not. there's no basis for a creator subtly inducing ND-like traits in a character, because there's no such thing as ND awareness in the cultural context of where mdzs was written and consumed. any resemblance is purely accidental, as they say.

as to how this resemblance could exist - I could go into the layers and layers of historical, cultural, social and religious context that make up these characters and the xianxia genre as a whole. for this anon in particular i'm happy to, because they've done the work. please please get in touch in some way where we can have a fully fleshed out chat if you're interested in taking this further, I realize i’ve basically addressed none of the finer points you’ve raised but honestly it’s another level of discussion to be had that cannot be summarized in one blog post haha.

as for those who would scream 'but special interests!!' at a character whose sect was founded by a literal monk - what would be the point?

PS. to comprise a starting point for why it's possible to see ND4ND everywhere in media if you looked hard enough - I refer you to the seminal red oni blue oni trope 💁‍♀️