#I hope people don't hate me for this one lol
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i apologize in advance if this is too long and rambling lol. i just need to make you aware of the moral quandary i’ve found swimming around in my head all day. firstly, your book is amazing. i don’t think ive seen a writer capture my attention and also rip my heart into pieces so throughly (although, I, the Forgotten One is maybe tied with yours in my mind).
so, trystan and syfyn.
IRL i consider anyone who sits by as atrocities happen to be completely complicit and (sometimes) as equally as guilty as the perpetrator. your story makes my head spin as this is a stance i take very strongly and i struggle with hating syfyn and trystan. on one hand, my MC does hate them for things they’ve done (breaking his arm, holding him down while people essentially experiment on him, and even not really doing anything after finding out what happened to MC and learning that the queen is working with the “enemy”). other times, my MC can’t hate them for being a victim of circumstance, just as MC himself was (and is). my MC sees them for who they used to be, how their circumstances have shaped them, and how they may be punished for defying the crown but also can’t help but feel a personal and… maybe political betrayal? my MC, and me by extension, have been grappling with a couple questions: at what point does being a victim of circumstance no longer absolve someone of guilt? how many horrible things must someone do before their allies see that something must change? at what point does someone become just as guilty as the perpetrator because they refused to lift a finger either way? is it wrong to hate someone as a whole because of circumstances that, up to a certain point, were beyond their control? is it wrong to hate someone that follows a tyrant because they fear for their safety? what if it’s all they’ve ever known and they have no clear path forward without their leader?
i hope all of that made sense and don’t seem like the ramblings of a lunatic lol. i’m not very intellectual but these are just some things i’ve been thinking about as i gave your story another read last night and i was bursting at the seams to share my thoughts. like i said before, your story is beautiful. tragically beautiful, perhaps? i’m wishing you the best of luck in your work and personal life! and thank you so much for sharing this story with us; we don’t deserve it, but we will try to.
(also sorry if i misspelled trystan lol)
Ah no don't apologize!! I love discussions like this re. the characters, especially because pretty much all of them are morally questionable to one degree or another. It always makes me happy to hear when the game has made people start to think and worry about bigger moral questions like this :)
I think both Syfyn and Trystan definitely are intended to make that question be asked. And the game won't push a particular agenda either way re. if the Commander forgives/doesn't forgive, blames them/finds them to be victims, etc.
Of course, something I do think is fun that plenty of characters are wondering this very same question about MC, and the role they used to fulfill for Plaithus vs. what they are now, post-exile... 👀
Thank you so much for the kind words :)
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꧁Blossoming Love ꧂
Summary: It was a normal day for you: tending the garden... painting... taking care of your aunt... being the healer of your village... amongst other things. That's until you find a dying kitsune close to your village pleading for your help; in a world where mythical creatures marginalized humans and humans tried their best to live hidden from them all. But you weren't just going to leave him there to die (even if you were full of fear). As always... empathy was one of the biggest weaknesses a human could have. And sadly you were one of those humans.
Rating: 🔞 mature bruh
Couple💕: Jeon Jungkook/Reader
Tags/Warnings 🚨🗯️: Fluff and Smut, Spit Kink, Hybrid Jeon Jungkook, Kitsune, Fantasy, alternate universe, Light Masochism, Dirty Talk, romantic, Animal Instincts, Past Lives, Oral Sex, Loss of Virginity, healer of the town, human and kitsune, Painter Jeon Jungkook, Painting, draw me like one of your french girls lol, Fox, Masturbation, some choking, He loves the smell of your arousal, Creampie
Word count: 15,541
Side notes: i usually write about dreams I’ve had. This is one of them. And if you see typos or something similar… english is not my first language; sorry 🤡 Im just testing the waters here… i usually post only in Ao3…. Meh hope you dont hate it lol
Pic of JK by @jkxxth1 (tiktok)
🌸
Your hometown was small; it only consisted of a few houses and a small plaza where everybody gathered to do their activities or do festivals. All of you were part of the small percentage of humans who still resided in this world full of mythical creatures; looked down upon because of your “weak useless nature”.
But the majority of you didn't care much for the opinions of the other races. You all knew you were so much more than what they had stamped on your foreheads.
You smiled to yourself as you painted the mountains on your canvas, thinking how lucky you felt to be part of these people. But that was not the only reason you were smiling right now… you were also smiling because you could hear your aunt fighting in the background with one of your chickens because it had pooped on her balcony.
You were laughing now as your aunt kept arguing with the chicken as if she could understand her. She quickly noticed, giving you a glare. But even though she was trying to be intimidating at first, she ended up giving in with a smile.
“Don't laugh, _____. This is a serious situation.”
“Yes, auntie… it's very serious that one of our chickens shat on your balcony.” You nodded and continued laughing.
She shook her head with a sigh and a smile, accepting defeat. “Could you at least bring me a bucket of water to clean it? My ankle still hurts from the fall. You would do me a great —”
“Of course, auntie.” You cut her off, giving her a reassuring smile. “No need to explain yourself; I understand.”
“Thank you, darling.” She returned the smile.
“I'll make sure to watch over your painting so the chicken doesn't leave his… “signature” on it.” She said, side-eyeing the chicken.
You laughed once more before making your way to the village’s well.
Your aunt wasn't the type to ask for favors; she always believed in being independent and doing things for her own growth as a person, and of course so she could give her all to the family and dear friends. So on rare occasions like these, you and others close to her, were always glad to help and return all that love she had always given you throughout the years.
For you, she was a role model you aspired to be.
“Great… There is a spider on the edge of the well. And it’s a big one.” You sarcastically smiled as you kept your distance; your bucket now placed on the floor as your hands rested on your hips.
Your village was in an open area where there were no trees. But around it, a forest resided and so did the well of the village… and spiders. Which was one of your biggest fears.
You didn't want to kill it. You may be scared of them but you know they are part of nature and you have to learn to live with them.
You thought of using a stick to get it off but you knew that was just going to be chaos: not knowing where it was going to run to. And you certainly didn't want it crawling up your legs or arms.
A chill ran up your spine just at the thought.
So you just decided it was best to ask someone else for help.
Grabbing your bucket, you turned around to go back to the village.
“P- Ple -ease help m-me.”
You had only taken a few steps when you heard the pleads; the voice was not recognizable to you. It was a man’s…
With your heart almost popping out of your chest, you quickly turned around to be aware of where the man was just in case you needed to defend yourself. But…
You were faced with a pale weak man whose face was covered by a fox mask and hands were placed over a wound under his ribcage, which had and was noticeably bleeding.
“A kitsune…” you spoke under your breath.
How many hours had this man been bleeding? And why hadn't he been healed? But most importantly of all: what was he doing here alone? He was a kitsune… a mythical creature that was supposed to be with his kind right now; not here which was really far away. Was he running away from someone? Was this a hoax?
“Please. I-I’m not here to— hurt you.”
He had noticed your uncertainty and alertness.
You didn't want to believe him.. you really didn't. You were scared of what could happen and the dangers you could be putting your village in. But you could see the sincerity in his eyes that stood out through the mask. Plus he was bleeding to death, what more proof could you ask for?
Dropping your bucket once more, you hurried up to him, placing his arm around your shoulders and letting him lean on you. You were struggling obviously; you weren't as strong as a man. But you could get through. And, thankfully, the village wasn't far away.
“Than—argh!— Thank y-you, madam.” He grunted as he tried not to put so much weight on you.
“Don't force yourself to talk. And you don't have to thank me; it's immoral to leave a man to their death per se.”
Plus you don't have to address me formally either. You thought to yourself.
You could tell he wanted to say more but kept quiet.
As soon as you were back at the village, you immediately began to call for help. Only a few of them came to help since others were intimidated that he was a kitsune; it was understandable. Kitsunes were known for mischief, being playful and deceiving. But you knew that was not the main reason they were intimidating. It was mostly because of their high rank amongst you living creatures; they were known also for their riches alongside other mythical creatures.
One of the villagers saw you struggling with the injured man, so he rapidly went to his other side to help you carry him. Your aunt was also one to respond, quickly going inside your house to prepare the necessary materials to help with his wound before you got there. She also prepared the large table you had for these types of emergencies to lay him on.
“Do you need anything else, ____?” Your aunt pointed at the items she had placed for you to work with.
You shook your head. “No; it’s all I need; thank you.”
She left the room quickly with the man that had helped, knowing it would be more comfortable for you and him that way. But even so, she stayed close by just in case.
Your hands began working instantly; cleaning up the area first. There were a lot of questions in your mind and they all involved the kitsune. How exactly did he end up here? Who was following him? Who or what attacked him? Who was he?
But you reserved the questions for later; making him talk in this state wasn't a very bright idea. Right now you had to focus on patching him and making him feel less pain.
Surprisingly, he wasn't flinching as much as you thought he would be; this is definitely not his first time being injured like this. Only some low grunts and furrowed eyebrows could be seen and heard.
After cleaning up, you grabbed your well-known elixir that you used for wounds like these. Us humans didn't have magic nor any special abilities. But you did have the desire to innovate and progress.
“W-what is that?” He asked, still having some difficulty breathing.
You momentarily looked up to him, eyes more visible since you are closer now. You gulped, remembering what you were treating.
You felt intimidated for a second, remembering all those tales you had heard and moments you had seen with your own eyes where creatures like him would take advantage of your people.
He noticed.
“I a-al- mm- already said, I-I’m not going to h-hurt you.” He gulped with his eyes closed as he tolerated the pain.
“Trust me…” he opened his eyes to look at you. “I would never hurt you.” He reassured you.
And, again, you could see the sincerity through his eyes so you relaxed once more.
“This… this is an elixir I made using an old recipe my village has. It’s for curing wounds like you have. But I will have to add something else for this one.”
“Why?” He asked.
“Because I can tell this was made by another kitsune by the shape of it and because it doesn't want to close. A kitsune’s main weakness will always be their own kind.” You replied.
“How… do you k-know this?”
“Because I’m the healer of my town.” You smiled at him as you opened the other elixir. “And I've treated a few like you before.”
“Like… me?” He weakly pointed at himself.
“Yes. But those were already friends or family with the village people. We don't usually allow Kitsunes here… or any other kind of creature… you know… for safety reasons.” You nervously laughed; still trying to make peace with him as if he hadn't stated enough that he is not going to hurt you.
Again, he noticed the way your eyes immediately averted to his wounds after speaking. He didn't say anything this time; he knew he'd have to instead show through actions his words. He just remained in silence as you finished with his wound; not wanting to stare at you so much to not make you nervous… even though he wanted to; the reason why he would take occasional sneaky glances.
But he couldn't watch you finish, as he soon fell asleep from exhaustion.
.
.
.
Your people were quick to ask you questions in the morning, worried about the unknown kitsune at their village; except for the few mythical creatures that resided there, since they didn't feel the right to judge. And you explained to each one of them about the situation, trying to remain calm as you did to not freak them out even more. You, yourself, were also a bit worried. But you had decided to trust and have the faith that the kitsune wouldn't take advantage of your village. His sincere eyes still hadn’t left your mind; you knew they were real; you felt it. So it was better to trust your heart rather than your anxiety.
As you finished explaining to one of the villagers, your aunt called you from the balcony of your house.
“He’s awake. And he is asking for you.” She called.
You gave your goodbyes to the villager and went rapidly to your house.
“Thanks for letting me know, auntie.” You smiled as your hand reached the door handle, but it was stopped by another familiar hand.
“You sure you’ll be alright all by yourself?” She asked with concerned eyes.
“I'll be fine, auntie. I'm still going to be careful so don't worry.”
“Ok.” She nodded, still noticeably concerned but decided to trust your words, leaving the area. But letting someone know to be attentive just in case.
As you entered, you noticed him standing as he curiously inspected the medicines on your shelf, one hand pressing on the wound.
But that was not the only thing you noticed. There were scars… old deep scars on his back. As if he had received some sort of punishment. You let it go; it was not the time, place nor situation to ask something so personal. It was not like he was going to stay for long anyway; getting close to him was unnecessary.
“Well you healed quickly.” You spoke with a smile, coming closer to him. But not too close.
“And that is thanks to you and these… potions? Are you a witch?” He asked as his eyes now laid on you.
You chuckled. “No, I'm not a witch. I'm just a plain human with very intelligent ancestors who crafted all those medicines and I happened to perfect them.”
“That’s… incredible!”
There it was again: that sincerity.
You blushed. “Thank you umm…”
“Jungkook. Jeon Jungkook.”
He still had his mask on. You were so curious of what was underneath, but did not want to disrespect him so you remained silent.
“Can I check your wound?” You asked him.
“Y- yes, of course.” He replied as he snapped out of a trance. A trance you had put him on since he arrived there.
He was already shirtless so you were quick to get to the wound, removing its bandages first. As you did, you became really conscious of how close you were with this kitsune, feeling his breathing collide with your face occasionally. You were trying so hard not to touch him. But it was inevitable.
“Sorry if I'm being inappropriate.” You said nervously.
“No, not at all.”
“I don't mind.” He added.
You ignored his last comment, not wanting to think it had another meaning behind it.
He just said it casually, that’s all. You repeated in your mind.
After finishing checking his wound and adding more medicine, you patched him up once again with clean bandages.
“Ok so…” you clapped your hands together.
“Good news is, you have healed almost completely; which not only has to do with my medicines, but because you are a kitsune and kitsunes heal faster if treated properly.”
He nodded.
“Bad news is… you’ll have to stay a few days more to make sure it heals completely.” You added with a sympathetic look, knowing he probably wouldn't like the idea.
“But you don't have—“
“I'm ok with it.”
You didn't get to finish your sentence; he already had the answer as if he had been expecting your suggestion.
“Oh! Ok. Ummm… Jungkook, right?”
He nodded; sparkle in his eyes as excitement ran through his veins knowing he would get to wake up to your presence.
“You can keep resting on the couch; that will be your bed for now if you don't mind.”
“I don't.”
“Perfect then let me notify the village.”
You were about to leave when he stopped you.
“Wait! Can I come with you?” He asked.
“S-sure.” You replied, taken aback by his sudden request.
“Let me take this off first.” He added as he took off his mask.
Your lips fell apart, taking in the beauty the kitsune held as he laid the mask on the couch. It was true what the rumors said: kitsunes were born with undeniable and inexplicable beauty. But it was understandable since they were born to charm. They always got their way; it was rare to see a kitsune who wasn't able to seduce or charm their target; they had a gift.
“Don't wanna scare anyone more than they already are.” He nervously chuckled as his hand ruffled his hair.
Your curiosity had been fed. And you couldn't help but to become shy and self conscious. Being around an attractive person always makes you feel nervous.
“It’s— it's ok.” You struggled to speak for a second. “They will eventually warm up to you; we’ve had kitsunes before so don't worry so much.”
As he saw your reassuring smile, the kitsune wondered if the rumors he had heard about humans were true: that they secretly possessed the ability to enchant or seduce other creatures like himself. As time passed, more and more creatures of high rank were eloping with humans to the point where it was getting normal. Things were changing, but the hate and contempt against humans was still there. And all of you knew it was going to be hard for it to leave. But he didn't care about what other people thought; he saw all creatures as equals even if they were mortals. And right now, he was ready to risk it all for you.
You both went outside to greet the villagers; you being up front and Jungkook following behind like a puppy, trying his best to make people like him.
You introduced Jungkook to each one of the villagers, also explaining the situation and why he was going to stay a few days more. It was necessary and it was also common courtesy; it was a random stranger that had entered the village and the “cherry on the top” being that he was a kitsune. This way people could be alert for any weird movements from the kitsune.
Jungkook bowed multiple times to each one of the villagers with a “thank you” and “sorry for the inconvenience”. He had already conquered the hearts of many. Not only because of his cuteness but, of course, because of his beauty. You could tell some of your friends were already trying to flirt with him. And you just couldn't help but to shake your head at them. Of course, there were always the doubtful ones that still didn't trust him. But did not treat him badly either.
The two kitsunes we had were the quickest to bond with him, for obvious reasons.
“Nice to meet you, Jungkook. I’m Jimin and this is Hoseok.” Both bowed to him and Jungkook did the same. It was a common thing between their kind.
“Glad to see there is another kitsune as handsome as us staying here too.” Jimin said, making Hoseok roll his eyes.
“He is only staying here for a few days until he gets better.” You quickly intervened.
“Oh, ok.” Hoseok said, a little bit disappointed he wasn't staying; he could feel he wasn't a bad guy. But it was understandable to him and Jimin.
Jungkook’s expression changed as soon as you said those words and both of them saw right through their fellow kitsune. They both looked at each other, knowing all too well this situation: a kitsune falling for a human. They both had eloped with humans after all.
Well at least they hoped this was the case. They truly wanted you to be happy and being taken care of; both of them knew how devoted you were with your people. So they saw this as an opportunity for all that love to be returned to you.
After Jimin’s fanboying over Jungkook, you said your goodbyes to them and ended up in front of your house once again. But before you both entered, you remembered the painting you had left outside to dry. You needed to take it inside; chickens, pigeons and kids… they were all hazards to the painting.
“Oh! Give me a second.” You said to him.
The painting had turned out satisfying enough for you to showcase and you were proud. Even though you had some interruptions while trying to finish it… you were able to finish it on time.
Jungkook’s eyes followed you as you grabbed it and went inside the house, following behind.
“Were you the one to paint that?” He pointed, as you placed it on the table.
“Yes, I did.” You smiled, proceeding to cover up the painting with a blanket to protect it.
“Then teach me how to paint.”
You quickly turned to him, mouth falling open at his bold unexpected request.
“Pardon?”
“I want you to teach me how to paint, madam.” He said, taking a few steps closer to you.
“I… I’m no teacher, sir. And you are only staying for a couple of days.” You backed up a little.
“What if I wanted to stay longer?” His eyes sparkled.
Silence.
You had a lot of doubts at that moment. A random stranger had appeared out of nowhere and now he wanted to live there. And it's not like he seemed to not have money nor a home. You could tell that he was from a wealthy family because of his clothing.
“Why do you want to stay?” You asked.
“Just a hunch.”
“A hunch?” You repeated him, and he just nodded with a soft smile, showing one of his dimples.
Kitsunes were known to be very intuitive and spiritual, and you knew this very well. But you didn't think there was any purpose in him staying here when he clearly had it all. But you also knew that was a very ignorant thought. Still… why stay here?
A chuckle couldn't help but to escape your mouth at his absurd response. “You are a wealthy kitsune Jeon Jungkook, why would you want to stay here?”
“I may look like I don't, but I prefer simplicity over luxury.”
“And how can I trust you?”
“Give me a month and I'll prove to you and your village that I am worthy of staying here.”
You took a deep breath and exhaled, fear and worry crippling on you.
It wouldn't be fair to not give him an opportunity like the other kitsunes had. And besides… if he were to turn against you all… you not only had two kitsunes as your allies, but also a werewolf, a nymph and a fallen angel. It was a weird combination you had to admit, but a powerful one.
“I’ll talk to the village. But I do not guarantee anything.”
And his smile grew into an enthusiastic grin.
. . .
“I think we were wrong about him.” Your aunt said as you both sipped some chamomile tea on her balcony, watching the kitsune before you try to convince a kid it was time to go to bed after playing with him for hours. It was a funny sight indeed.
“It's only been a week, auntie. At least my trust isn't there yet.”
“Oh, come on. He has bonded with the village so well as if he had lived here for weeks already. People love him; he has helped with so many things.''
“I find it highly amusing how you were the most defensive about him staying here and now look at you.”
The kid had now started to run with Jungkook’s mask and he was now not only trying to get him to bed, but also trying to save his precious dignity.
You snorted out a laugh, making you cover your mouth with your hand, not being able to hold it in anymore.
“Don't come at me with that poop, darling. You like him too.”
“Poop? Seriously? And I do not like him, I only find him amusing.” You shook her head at her with a chuckle.
“You know I do not curse… and you do like him; just with the smile you're making at him right now… it says it all. Maybe… even more than a friend.” She sipped the tea right after.
You choked on your tea. “I do not— cough like him like— cough that.” Eyes watering.
She just shook her head at you knowingly; your reaction was enough for her. You weren't the type to get flustered easily. “Enough with the lying and go get me some apples so we can bake that big apple-pie for tomorrow’s showcase.”
“But I'm comfy right now.” You whined.
“And you are younger than me, so get going. Just ask Jungkook to accompany you like you always do when you are scared of finding spiders.”
“Hey! I can happily go alone.”
“Yeah, and the Earth is flat. Go on now, I'll be waiting inside.” She said, standing up and going inside as said with both of your teacups.
“Ugh!”
Reality was that you did want Jungkook to accompany you. Not only because of the spiders but because you actually liked his company as much as you hated to admit. He was funny, intelligent, caring, sensitive…
What the hell am I even thinking? Remember _____, he is a kitsune and they have the ability to charm; snap out of it.
Still, it wasn't that bad to indulge in those wants… right?
“Kai! Give him the mask back!” You scolded the child.
The kid immediately stopped running and stood straight as a stick, quickly handing the mask to Jungkook.
“Apologize and go to your mother’s house.”
“But I don't wanna go to sleep! The sun is still out.” The kid whined.
“It’s setting down already so you need to go get ready for bed; mother’s rules.”
The kid whined one last time, apologized and left for his house.
“Thanks for that. That was nice of you.” He cleared his throat. “… and hot.” That last part wasn't heard by you.
“Accompany me to the apple trees and we will call it even.”
“Scared of the spiders again?” Jungkook laughed.
You began mocking his laugh. “And do you wanna talk about how a kid took your mask and you couldn't get it back?
His laughter immediately toned down. “Hey! I almost had it in my hands again!”
“Yeah, right.” You started laughing again, remembering the scene.
“Have a nice time with the spiders then.” He smiled knowingly, turning his back at you as he began to walk away.
“Nooo!” You exclaimed at him, grabbing his arm.
You didn't see it. But he was smirking while he had his back turned to you. He liked knowing that you needed him. He wished you needed him more; In all types of ways.
Where the trees resided, wasn't so far away. But it did take a bit to get there. And since the night was starting to set in, you had a little more difficulty seeing even though you brought a lamp with you.
Jungkook on the other hand didn't have any problem with it since he could see at night, he was a fox after all. For that reason he didn't take his eyes off of you, worrying you might fall. But you didn't gladly. Even though he wanted an excuse to touch you.
There were already some lamps surrounding the trees and other crops since sometimes our people needed crops during the night for emergencies or just random hunger.
You quickly began to work using a ladder to lower the apples as Jungkook stayed on the ground waiting for you to throw him the apples so he could put them in the basket. At one point an apple fell on Jungkook’s head and you couldn't help but to laugh at him as he looked at you annoyed. But at the end he couldn't resist laughing too.
After you finished, you decided to take a break close to the nearby pond, drinking some water while you were at it. But Jungkook had other plans, he wanted to take revenge because of the apple on his head.
“Oh my god, _____! There is a big spider crawling on you!” He shouted.
You gasped. “What?! Where?!”
You quickly stood up trying to shake off whatever you had on you. But then you heard Jungkook laughing so loud, tears were forming in his eyes. And that's when it clicked.
“You ass—-” But your words got cut off as you tripped on a heavy branch and fell on your knees.
“Shit, _____. Are you ok?!” Jungkook’s laugh immediately stopped, quickly going towards you to help and check on you.
You sat on the ground and you raised your skirt up till you saw the knee that was hurting. And that's when both of you noticed you were bleeding.
“Fuck. I-I’m sorry, _____. Let me cure you.” he quickly grabbed your knee regretting ever scaring you like that.
Your anger had toned down; now you were more embarrassed than angry.
“I’ll cure myself at home, it’s ok.”
“That’s nonsense when I can just save you some pain by using my powers.”
“Powers?” You tilted your head to the side with a thoughtful look on your face, not remembering anything about kitsunes being able to heal. But, again, you only knew the basics.
“Here, I'll show you.” He said as he carefully straightened your leg for you to be more comfortable.
One of his hands went on top of your wound, being careful not to touch it, while his other hand rested on the backside of your knee. And a blue light began emerging from his hand to your wound.
“It will take a minute or two, so bear with me.” he said as he focused on your knee.
Gladly you didn't feel any pain. But the adrenaline from the scare and the fall began to dissipate and you were now conscious of where he was touching. You didn't want to think of it as anything else so talking was the best option to distract yourself from your body’s reaction.
“You know your little prank is going to cost you an art lesson, right?”
“Oh, come on. I’m healing you. I’m making up for my sin.”
“Pffft.” You laughed. “Don't say it like that, it wasn't that bad.”
“Well I am trying to convince you not to take an art lesson from our week.”
“I don't know why you want them so badly. You already know how to paint. Besides, you never pay attention to my lessons; you…always… stare at my face. I don't know why.” You chuckled nervously. Recalling all the moments he would drift his attention from his canvas to you, making you feel insecure. You kind of wanted an explanation of why he did that so maybe you would stop feeling so self conscious at your lessons.
His eyes lifted up to you for a moment, as if he wanted to say something, but went back to your knee. “I… still need work and you know it.”
“True.” You responded, feeling even more insecure since he didn't comment on the “staring”.
The atmosphere had turned serious and you could feel it, mainly from him. You felt a little bit awkward because of it.
“Done.” The blue light faded and the wound had disappeared; you were completely amazed by it.
“That is amazing. I didn't know kitsunes could do that.” You said, staring at your now healed wound.
But Jungkook didn't say anything back nor did he take his hand or eyes off of your knee; you noticed quickly.
“Jungkook?” You questioned him, nervous you had said something wrong.
His eyes were trailing now to your still covered thighs as his thumb caressed where the wound used to be. And you could feel your heartbeat starting to accelerate.
Your skirt was now being lifted up centimeter by centimeter, slowly and steadily; thigh becoming bare to him before your eyes.
A broken gasp came out of your lips as his hand went up, making him look up at you. Both of you know staring into each other's eyes. The coldness of the night being ignored by your lustful warm body. Your leg was now fully exposed to him to do as he pleased. He didn't stop looking at you as his hand went up and down your thigh with a firm grasp, teasing you; getting dangerously close to your slit with some strokes.
“You still don't get it, huh?”
His head lowered to your inner thigh and began sucking on the skin.
“Fuck…” You said under your breath.
This feeling was new to you; you had never been with a man despising occasional confessions. Yes you had touched yourself, but this was different. You felt your chest fill with an overwhelming lust and slit starting to ache.
After leaving a noticeable red spot, he began kissing the rest of your thigh, momentarily licking a stripe from your knee to your upper thigh and rubbing his forehead against it, ending with a soft bite. After doing so, his eyes returned to yours.
“I stare at you because I think you are beautiful.”
“Not only because of your body but because of who you are.”
“I want to be around you every minute of the day.”
His hand was now stagnant as it laid dangerously close to your slit once more. “Be mine, ______.”
Be mine. You repeated in your head. And that's when you snapped out of it. You remembered they had the gift to get anything they wanted and for you this was an attempt to do so. So you immediately pulled your leg off of his grasp, leaving him with a confused look.
“I-I can’t.” You shook your head scared.
“What?” his eyes were now full of preoccupation as he saw you stand up and walk away from him.
“_____! Wait!” He said as he stood up and grabbed the basket with apples. But you began running, not wanting him close to you as you were scared of him and yourself.
He also began to run towards you calling out to you. He could easily outrun you but he decided to not overwhelm you and just call you from afar.
You continued running despising his calls, eyes blurry from the tears, confused on what to feel or do. It felt like an eternity running, even though it wasn't. That's until you collided with another body, you were going to back away immediately thinking it was him again. But when you were about to run away, the body held you still forcing you to look up and that's when you calmed down a bit.
“____! Are you ok?!” Jimin asked worriedly.
“I… I don't know.”
As Jimin lifted his gaze up to see what you were running from, he saw Jungkook. He was going to confront him until he noticed he was equally as confused. So he decided it was best to leave it like that until he heard you talk.
“Let’s go to my house, Erika is there too so you can talk to us.”
Hearing one of your best friend’s name gave you another reason to calm down.
You nodded.
Before taking you to his house, he gave Jungkook one last look. And he could tell he was worried and at the same time scared. And that gave him the confirmation he needed to wait it out.
As soon as Erika saw you entering through the door, her expression changed.
“____, is everything ok? Did something happen?” she worried as she guided you to the living room’s sofa for you to sit and relax.
“Darling, please bring me a glass of water for her.” She told Jimin and he instantly went to the kitchen to prepare one.
“Please tell me what happened, _____. Don’t leave me worried like sometimes you do. Give me the opportunity to help you once in a while.” Erika said, hand resting on your shoulder.
She knew you very well, how sometimes you would hold onto things to not bother anyone.
Jimin returned with the glass of water and gave it to you.
You drank up a little bit before pondering over what to say. But in the end you concluded it was best to open up to them. One, because you didn't want them to think they were untrustworthy to you. And second, because your best friend was married to a kitsune. And what could be better than advice from a kitsune, himself, and his wife on this situation?
“Erika… Jimin… how– how do you know when a kitsune is mind controlling you?” A mixture of worry and shyness was evident on you, so your eyes stuck to the glass of water to hide them.
But silence was your response. And anxiety was quick to show up.
Is the situation worse than I thought? Did they already realize who I'm talking about? Did I offend Jimin and their relationship? Was I wrong?
Your mind was spiraling with questions. That’s until you decided to look up and face them. And instead of anger or worry, you were greeted with a Jimin who was trying his best to hold his laughter in. But in the end failed.
And all that could be heard was his laughter.
“Welp… prepared to be bullied for the rest of your life.” Erika said to you.
“What?” You were dumbfounded and confused. You just wanted him to finish laughing so you could finally hear his answer.
“Pfffft, it's that what you think we do?” He just continued laughing.
“Jimin, I'm serious. Please answer me.” You grew impatient.
He calmed himself down, whipping tears off of his face. “Fine, fine. I'll calm down now.”
He sat to the opposite side of you; now you were in between them.
“Look _____, I don't know from where you got that information but it's incorrect. Kitsunes do possess the ability to charm but it's because of their natural beauty and art of seduction. It comes natural to us. And it doesn't always work on everybody. Erika… She would be an example. Remember? She was a pain in the ass to conquer.” He rolled his eyes at her.
“What can I say? I just don't give up this piece of ass that easily.” She shrugged and Jimin just shook his head at her.
Red… you were completely red from embarrassment. All this time you were only listening to assumptions from other people and anxiety instead of doing actual research. Like for fuck’s sake you had two kitsunes as you friends. But you just felt embarrassed to ask. Even so, the result was the same: embarrassment. You had learned your lesson.
“Hey… does that mean you never trusted me and Hoseok?” His eyes went into shock mode. As he slowly realized that maybe you never even considered him or Hoseok a friend.
“N-n-no… w-well—-“
“I’m hurt right now.” Jimin said standing up with a pout that was more adorable than intimidating.
“Listen to me! It was only at the beginning but as I got to know you guys I began to trust you with time. And seeing how Erika and Delilah took time to be in a relationship with you guys, then I thought: hey, they are actually trustworthy; they didn't use their powers to make them fall in love.”
“Do you understand what I'm trying to say?” You added.
“Next time just ask us, please. I know us mythical creatures have a bad reputation among humans, but I can assure you, not all of us are snob assholes.” Jimin replied and you just nodded, not able to look him in the eye from the lingering embarrassment.
“Remember, we don't bite.” Jimin’s gaze landed on his wife: Erika. “Unless you want us too.” He winked.
“You are cringe.” Erika replied to his not so subtle innuendo, making you laugh for a moment.
“I agree." An unexpected, but all too familiar voice spoke. All eyes were now on one of the open windows that looked to the balcony where a Hoseok now stood resting his body on the edge of it.
“What the fuck? You were eavesdropping?!” Jimin exclaimed.
“Yes, but that's because I saw the whole thing and got worried.”
“Wait… who else saw what happened?” You quickly asked as embarrassment began to cripple on you once more. You only remember running until you collided with Jimin. But you didn't pay much attention to your surroundings.
“Who cares? What you should be worrying about is how you are going to repay me for defamation and violation of the friend code. Try making me noodles for a week and then maybe I'll forgive you.” Hoseok said.
“Oh! I want too!” Jimin added.
“You guys are asses.” Erika shook her head but then turned her attention to you while the two men planned on how to bother you for the next week.
You had gone into deep thought, analyzing yourself and trying to decipher your feelings towards him. If he wasn't “charming” you, then…
“Do you… do you like him, ____?” Erika read your mind.
Your best friend had deciphered the situation better than you; of course, she was your best friend after all. But…
“I don't know.” you responded as you got up.
“Thank you…for everything…I have to do something now. I’ll see you later! Thank you again!” you said as you rushed out of the door.
“Where are you going-?” You heard Jimin’s faint voice just before you closed the door behind you.
You didn't answer, you just wanted to get to your destination which was anywhere where Jungkook was right now. All you wanted was to apologize even though you still felt ashamed for your previous thoughts.
Your feelings were unsure. But you were sure about one thing: you wanted him to know you were sorry and that things were ok between the both of you.
How do I really feel? The question persisted in your head as you stopped half away, pondering on it, but your feet picked up speed again down the path.
No, I had to see him, I didn’t have a plan of action but I felt after seeing him it will make sense.
Nearby you saw your aunt with the basket of apples heading to her house, which meant Jungkook had been with her. So you immediately went to her and asked if she knew where he had headed, but she also didn't know.
She caught up quickly to the situation, asking you. “What happened between the both of you?”
“N-nothing.” You brushed off as you turned away and left to keep searching for him, ears blocking out your aunt's voice.
You went to your house and searched other parts of the village but he was nowhere to be found. Anxiety had started to creep in and cloud your mind with the possibility that he had left or something had happened to him.
Taking a deep breath in, you continued down the path to the nearby onsen the villagers sometimes visit but at this time most people would be in their homes, it was actually mainly you roaming this path tonight like a suspicious person. But you needed to take a break and calm yourself.
You pushed the bushes away from your face as you peaked at the back entrance of the onsen, the sight took your breath away and stopped your heart momentarily. The sun was setting, painting the sky with warm colors, the smoke from the onsen rising into the air and into the last rays of the sun, gold tinting the onsen and the shirtless man drying his damped hair after he had taken his bath. It was Jungkook, although there was no one else in sight he was wearing his kitsune mask; his hair was in a half up do and his bottom hair was still wet. His torso was still bare; he only had placed a towel around his neck as he gazed at the moon. You could sense the sadness, even though you couldn’t see his expression. He whistled a sad melody, the sight appeared almost like a kitsune crying out to the moon for it to come out.
The shame had returned, killing your determination and making you unsure if to approach him or just leave. But the universe had other plans. Because as the thoughts ran through your mind, something else ran over your hands from holding the bushes, and of course, it was a spider.
You immediately shrieked at the spider, rapidly moving your hand to shake it off. After successfully shaking it off, you noticed the whistling came to a halt and your eyes locked on Jungkook who was now staring your way, so much for stealth.
You needed his mask more than him, to hide from the embarrassment.
Trying not to show embarrassment and reveal your racing heart as you neared him around the onsen.
“...I’ve been looking for you.” You mumbled, not fully being able to look at him fully just yet.
“Are you ok, though?” He stood up and went to you, examining the hand where the unwanted visitor had been.
You nodded and he relaxed.
“It was a spider, wasn't it?”
“Yeah…” you chuckled nervously.
He laughed but his expression dimmed as he remembered. So he backed up and went to sit in one of the benches and took his mask off putting it to the side.
“You ran away from me, I didn't think you’d be looking for me.” He said quietly.
“I know...” You replied quietly too.
“You can sit if you want.” He offered.
You thanked him and sat next to him. Your eyes couldn't stop themselves as they slightly glanced at his body, you had seen it many times before but why was it suddenly making you feel this way, as if you shouldn’t look but also can’t look away. You watched one drop of water slowly making its way down from his chest to his abs.
“It’s pretty, isn't?” he said as he looked at the moon that glanced at you both and the now hidden sun.
“Mhm…” Is all you replied as you secretly referred to his body.
“-about earlier..” He started, startling you out of your intrusive thoughts, making you blush even more.
“Ah..uh..um yes…” You stuttered.
There was a pause.
“I’m sorry.” You both spurted out at the same time. You looked at each other for a second until you both chuckled.
“You don't need to be sorry; I was the one who made you feel uncomfortable.” He smiled as he gazed at the water.
“You… you didn't make me feel uncomfortable. On the contrary… I…” You bit your lower lip as you blushed trying to finish the sentence.
“You liked it?” he finished for you; his eyes searching yours hopeful as yours shied away.
You nodded, staring at your fingers, not being able to look at him; taking advantage of the hair that fell on the side of your face so he couldn't see you blushing.
He bit his lower lip to keep his pleased smile from showing, gaze going to your legs, tempted to continue what he left unfinished earlier. But held himself back, not wanting to scare you again. So he looked away, taking a deep breath to compose himself as his grip on the edge of the bench tightened.
“I owe you an apology, Jungkook. I got scared because of ignorant beliefs.” You continued.
“Can I ask what those were?”
“I…I… thought you were hypnotizing me or…something.”
“Well that’s a compliment.” he smirked.
“Idiot.” you pushed him to the side playfully as he laughed. “I’m just happy I have other kitsunes in my life to explain stuff like this to me.”
“I’m also glad. Because if you didn't, I would've probably lost you after that.” he pushed the strand of hair that had been hiding you from him, behind your ear.
“No… I would've still come to you.” You chuckled. “You are too special to me to lose.”
Oh, how much he wanted to kiss you, but couldn't; not yet.
Your gaze then landed on his mask. “Why were you wearing your mask again? If I may ask?”
“I have a tendency to hide my face when I feel ashamed or angry.” He chuckles a little bit embarrassed. “I guess I use it to hide… my feelings and myself.” He said quietly.
You nodded in understanding; knowing the situation all too well; on your occasion, it was painting that helped you vent those emotions, turning them into something only you understood the entirety of.
“May I look at it?” You asked and he nodded, giving it to you.
You traced your fingers delicately on every feature of the mask; it was as beautiful as him.
“May I put it on?” You asked and he complied once again, never wanting to say no to you. But also because he was curious.
Placing the mask on your face you could smell his scent which made you very pleased.
You giggled. “I like it.” You looked at him, seeing he was smiling at you fondly and intrigued by you. Butterflies filled your stomach and thanked the mask for hiding your blush.
Not knowing how to deal with the emotions, you took off with the mask to tease him and avoid your feelings. “Now it’s mine!” You shouted as you giggled maliciously while running as fast as you can through the trees.
It took him a few seconds to react, not expecting at all what just happened. He wasn't surprised though, as he knew sometimes you could pass as a kitsune because of how naughty you were, especially with him and he liked that the most.
He followed behind you, not even caring to use his powers to outrun you as he was enjoying the chase and hearing you laugh.
But your running was brought to a halt as you encountered a nearby pond you had forgotten about and almost fell into it.
“Shit.” You cursed to yourself. You were about to take another route when a pair of arms grabbed you by the waist from behind abruptly, stopping you.
“Caught you! I won!” He exclaimed happily as he tried to take his mask back but you wouldn't let him.
All that could be heard was the sound of laughter as you both wrestled for the mask. At one point you lost balance and almost fell on your knees, but this time Jungkook softened the fall by holding you tightly, not wanting you to get hurt like last time.
You were about to stand up again but he went on top of you, trapping you.
The atmosphere had changed in a matter of seconds.
“I said… I won.” His voice turned suddenly low, his eyes turning lustful as they bore into you, loving the way you looked underneath him. “Now what do I get in return besides my mask, madam? Surely there must be more prizes for the winner… or does the winner get to choose? Because if so… the winner has a few things in mind already.” His eyes then went to your lips, casually licking his own.
You were flabbergasted by the situation and not in a bad way. Your eyes also went to his lips, but since you were shy, you took the mask and placed it on his face and gave him a kiss on what supposedly was his lips instead and chuckled afterwards oblivious to the tremendous effect it had on him.
“There… that was your—-“
Your mouth couldn't finish the sentence as his lips went for yours immediately after taking his mask off.
The kiss was heavenly for you. It was your first kiss so it was a little bit hard to keep with his needy experienced lips. But, even so, you found your way to reciprocate his kiss and feelings; it was something you wanted as much as he did.
You whimpered softly on his lips, making him stop and rest his forehead on yours with his eyes closed and eyebrows furrowed with his jaw clenched.
He took a deep breath and exhaled, relaxing himself. “You make me go insane, ______. You know that?”
Still on cloud 9 you just proceeded to caress his cheek and scalp. There was a brief moment of silence as he enjoyed your caresses.
“I have something for you, _____.” He broke the silence.
“And what would that be, sir Jungkook?” you playfully responded.
He laid beside you, facing you. Your eyes then went to his hand that was in a fist, blue light grabbing your attention as it went through the open spaces. Once the light vanished, his hand then opened, revealing a necklace with a little crystal jar as a pendant.
“What is that?” you asked.
“_____… I chose you as my mate.”
You sat up as soon as he said those words. You knew what that meant. It meant he couldn't be with anybody else after this, only you. Every tribe of kitsunes had their own ritual to choose a mate; you didn't know what his tribe’s ritual was but all you knew was that you were irritated by it. You never liked the idea of marrying an immortal to later leave alone to suffer for an eternity. It's not that you didn't agree with those types of relationships but it's just something you didn't want for yourself. You knew you were going to be constantly worrying about the future. Hence why you always admired Erika’s relationship by how fearless and in the moment they were.
“Jungkook, why would you do that?!”
“You already know the answer: because I fell for you, _____… and hard.” He sat up too, surprisingly calm to your reaction.
“Are you crazy?! I’m a mortal; I don't even last one century! You shouldn't have done that!” You were now standing.
Tears accumulated in your eyes, making your vision blurry. It was a reaction that even for you was unexpected; it made you realize how much you cared for him.
“What if I don't love you back, huh?! And what if I die tomorrow? What are you going to do then?!”
The tears were falling freely now. But they were interrupted by the pass of his caress.
“I already know the consequences, _____. And I don’t mind facing them.” He laid a kiss on your cheek, calming you.
“How… how are you not scared?” You hiccupped, wiping your tears away.
“Because my heart is where it belongs. And I knew from day one that you were my person; I could sense it as if… I had met you in another life; and I wasn't in the wrong.” He calmly assured you with a smile. “Now hold your hair up.”
You hesitated a bit but complied.
“This signifies my commitment to you; I want to marry you, _____.” Jungkook explained as he went behind you and placed the necklace on your neck.
“Jungkook, I don't think I'm there yet.” You shook your head and eyes began to water again; scared. But he continued clasping your necklace.
“The jar contains seven flowers. Each time you experience romantic love for me, one will bloom. Once the 7th has bloomed, that means you have fallen deeply in love with me and that’s when I'll marry you. In other words: I’ll wait for you.” He continued to clean your tears. “And even if they never bloom, and you want someone else… it will be ok. I’m not gonna lie to you, it will hurt.” He chuckled. “But knowing I'll still have you as a friend, would be enough for me.”
You couldn't understand how he was so sure after spending such a short period of time with you. You were scared for him; you didn't want him to live an unhappy life because of you and his decision.
But… At the same time, your heart couldn't resist feeling overjoyed at his words and the thought of spending the rest of your life with him.
Your hands then went to the pendant to examine it. It had flowers inside of it, seven different types of flowers about to bloom. You found it incredible how small they were; it was like a miniature garden inside of the jar.
“Can this be undone, the mate thing is only if i wear it, right?” You spoke more calmly now.
She is so cute. He thought to himself, chuckled and wrapped his arms around you, hugging tightly.
“You know... I have many things I love about you, but you worrying about us and our future, just drawns me even more." He smiled. " And no, it can't be undone because the necklace was made specifically for you; I've already committed to you to my creator: Inari.”
“Please ____, stop worrying. I've lived long enough to know that you are the only one for me. I’m going to be ok regardless; I just wanted you to know that my heart belongs to you.” He added.
You took a deep breath and exhaled, closing your eyes as your head rested on his chest; hearing his literal heart beat. You were overwhelmed and scared but you knew it was just anxiety talking. He was determined and you needed to remind yourself that he had lived centuries before you; that he had lived almost through every trial in life and that he was mature and wise enough to make this decision. You also reminded yourself that as long as you had each other, it was all going to be fine. And that living in the moment is what truly matters.
“Let’s go back before my aunt sends Jimin or Hoseok to find me; she knew something was off when I last talked to her.” You broke from his embrace. “…Or worse… Yoongi.”
“Who is Yoongi?” Jungkook asked, amused by your reaction to his name.
“He is a fallen angel and he is scary when he is mad.” You said as you walked the path back to the village, Jungkook followed behind.
“Why? He gets violent?” He asked, concerned.
“No! Not at all! He is just very strict. But let me tell you… he is very sweet under that hard shell he has and makes the best apple pie in the village… don’t tell my aunt I said that, please.” You said making him chuckle.
“Is it that good?” he asked, intertwining his hand with yours.
“Oh, yes! Wait till you try it! Yoongi has made it for me since I was little.” You squealed in excitement.
“Is that so?” he asked, intrigued but also in a trance with your beauty, like always.
And so the conversation continued to the village, without you realizing a flower had already bloomed: a Larch.
. . .
Everything was under a different light now. Every gesture, action and affectionate words were now felt differently. The feelings of love you neglected of him were now finally showing their colors, blossoming into something beautiful just like the flowers that rested on your neck.
Seven flowers… And one had already bloomed.
The second one, a Rumex, bloomed as his hand caressed your hair, both laying on your bed while he told you various stories from his childhood; one of them being how he had learned how to paint; and the others just showed you how naughty he was of a fox when a kid. All so you could fall asleep during the raging thunderstorm.
The third flower, a Spirea, bloomed when he told you how beautiful you were as you focused on your painting.
The fourth flower, a Buttercup, slowly bloomed as you both splashed each other with water in the nearby river and later on played hide and seek with the kids from your village; laughter and joy not seeming to cease.
The fifth flower, a Clematis, bloomed after reconciling on your first fight; making you understand that love isn't always perfect and that was ok. Because if the love is truthful, it is always bound to prevail over any circumstance or pride. That's what makes it so beautiful.
The sixth flower, a Sweershrub, bloomed when you saw him help an elder of the village to find and pick her favorite flowers for her balcony. Later on, bringing one for you too; one that he had found and had “thought of you” as he admired it.
The seventh flower… the last one… had bloomed as your hands cupped his cheeks and eyes went to his lips right after you had hugged him because he had finally shown you the painting he had been making; a painting where he had drawn you so beautifully as you concentrated on your own painting; it was so detailed and colorful, full of love… you just wanted to kiss him at that moment. But timidity overshadowed the courage to do so once again. And he himself had to restrict himself from kissing you as he knew very well that that kiss was just going to be fuel to the fire, and his body wasn't going to be able to be stopped from taking what it had been wanting. So he gently removed your hands and gave them soft kisses; apologizing before leaving you alone, wanting more from him; for him to love you.
“A tiger lily…” You stared at your reflection on the mirror of the vanity table, holding the pendant.
You sat there, amazed how all of them had bloomed so quickly. You also debated on when to tell him; for you it was a little bit embarrassing that your feelings were out there like that physically. For that reason you didn't always have it on your neck; sometimes it was in your pockets or as a bracelet. Although… he never paid much attention to it; he was more focused on just being with you. You did sometimes catch him looking but he would immediately look away. As if he reminded himself to not put pressure on you and just be happy that you were together even as friends.
There was a knock at the door, startling you since it was in the middle of the night. But then you remembered that Jungkook usually likes to sleep over. So you wrapped a blanket around you, not wanting your exposed skin to be seen, and went to the door to open it; revealing what you were already expecting: a smiling Jungkook with a pillow under his arm.
“I should start charging you for the overnight stays.” You joked as you walked towards the kitchen leaving him to close the door.
“But you won't because you like me being here.” He teased back as he entered, following you.
“Well maybe I don't; you always leave a mess on the couch.”
“But you enjoy my breakfasts so you won't kick me out. And I don't always leave a mess, madam.” He smiled.
You rolled your eyes playfully. “Not after the over-salted eggs you gave me last time.”
“Hey! It was an accident.” He immediately started tickling your belly as punishment, making you laugh hysterically. You tried to escape his grasp but he held you from behind to not let you escape.
“Jungkook stop! I’m going to pee myself.” You laughed as your eyes watered; he grew weak as he began laughing at your comment and you took the opportunity to escape, and in that attempt to push him off, your blanket fell off, leaving you only on your satin nightgown that exposed your breasts through the fabric while a strap fell off your shoulder, making it worse for you.
As soon as your skin came in contact with the cold breeze, you realized what had just happened and gasped, backing away a bit, lifting the nightgown strap back up. You quickly looked at him, embarrassed. And you saw how his eyes had just finished scanning your body, going from your perked up breasts to your face. You couldn't take any longer the insecurities so you went to grab the blanket to cover yourself up again. But as you pulled the piece of fabric, something interfered: Jungkook's foot, stepping on it.
You stepped back, letting the blanket fall, looking at him with an arm around your breasts as you tried to decipher what he was thinking.
If a needle were to fall, it would be heard; silence and tension was all there was. But not a bad kind of tension…
He walked to you, taking extra steps as you instinctively stepped back, colliding with the kitchen counter. Even though you wanted him, it was your first time and it was instinct to hide yourself.
He removed your arm that covered your breasts, exposing them to him again. You hesitated a bit.
“Let me see you.” He stated.
Your eyes were glued to his lustful gaze on your breasts; his eyebrows slightly furrowed as he tried to restrain himself.
Softly he grazed your neck moving to your collarbone… finally landing on your breast, grasping it firmly; and without warning, his mouth went to your bud and began savoring it, despising the fabric that was in between. Your gasp was followed by a moan and slight twitch of your body as pleasure was felt.
Hearing you moan made his movements more passionate and rough, switching between breasts. He wanted to see and hear more. His sucks were loud and licks were lewd; flicking your exposed nipples and nibbling on them occasionally; all while he massaged your breasts aggressively.
As your lips parted from pleasure, he took the opportunity to collide his mouth with yours as your lips looked too pretty like that to pass the invitation. His hand then traveled from your breast to your neck where the necklace resided. And as soon as his hand brushed the chain, that's when he remembered.
His jaw clenched as he forced himself to remove his lips from yours, It took him every ounce of self restraint to complete that task. But went through it successfully, making you whimper softly from frustration at the loss of his sweet sinful mouth.
He rested his forehead on yours with eyes closed and untamed breaths as he tried to control the animal inside of him that only wanted to claim you before anybody else could.
“It was a mistake for me to come here. And I should stop coming over; it's dangerous for me and for you; I apologize.” He states due to the fact that it was getting harder for him to hold himself back, before stepping away and going towards the door at a fast pace.
“The flowers bloomed, Jungkook.” You made him stop on his tracks.
You wanted this too.
“What?” He asked, not because he didn't understand you, but because he couldn't believe it for a moment.
“All the flowers bloomed… yesterday, the last one blossomed; I noticed it today.” You smiled, excited but nervous at the same time.
He went back to you and picked the pendant, seeing every flower grown and colorful.
He smiled and lightly chuckled, placing his forehead on yours and hands on the counter behind you trapping you, relieved he no longer had to hold himself together when he was around you.
His fingers now held your chin, making you look at him. “You don't know how fucking hard was it to hold back and not fuck you like you are meant to be fucked, _____.” He said so casually; eyes physically changing and a pair of fangs now visible.
You weren't surprised by his choice of words since you knew how they behaved when they were in heat or just needy; sadly you know about this because you had to hear your friend, Erika, talk to you about her and Jimin’s sex life occasionally; more specifically when she had an “amazing night”; you always had to shut her up mid speech before you puked. But at least it helped you get to know a little better how kitsunes worked, or any other hybrid that was part animal.
His eyes… You thought to yourself as their pupil was now slit. Just like a fox.
“Beautiful…” You thought out loud, boring into his eyes; finally being able to see part of his fox side.
And that was enough to send him off edge.
“This nightgown doesn't hold any sentimental value to you, correct?” He asked.
“No, why—“
You gasped as one of his now exposed claws had cut through the middle of the night gown, ripping off the rest with his hands and pushing off the straps from your shoulders and throwing the gown to a side. You were now fully exposed to him. To you, it felt so weird to be naked in front of a man and you also felt self conscious. But the man that was in front of you was one that you deeply loved and trusted your body with; you wanted to give him all of you and you were ready to face and overcome your insecurities with him.
Your arms went to your breasts, but he was quick to remove your arms and place them on your sides, whispering to your ear, “Stop doing that or I'll tie your arms.”
He began tracing his fingers slowly starting from your hip’s stretch marks to the curve of your waist, passing your aroused nipple (making you shiver); ending on your neck followed by grasping it.
“Beautiful.” He repeated your words. “Just like imagined.”
You blushed once more; asking yourself if he had touched himself to the thought of you; the thought alone made you even wetter and wanting to hear more of what he wanted to do to you. Oh, how dirty you felt.
So the words came out of your mouth intrusively, “What else do you imagine?”
He was also taken back by your sudden loss of shyness. But reality was that, you were still scared. Nevertheless, you wanted him even so.
“Do you really want to know, darling?” The grip on your neck tightened, playing with his prey.
“Ye-es.” You almost moaned, loving his hand over your neck.
His mouth attacked yours desperately, connecting your tongues. The hand that held your throat, now positioning your head for easier access; his other hand pushed your crotch towards his so he could grind himself on you and get some relief from his aching cock.
“Go to the couch.” He broke the kiss, his loud pants overshadowing yours.
He had so much control over you; you complied so quickly. Yet, what you didn't know was the amount of control you had over him. Not only because of the smell of your arousal or your naked body, but because of the way you looked at him as if you were high on him; it was driving him nuts. He wanted to be gentle with you… oh how he wanted to. But you just made it so difficult for him… always.
Your living room had two sofas on either side of your wooden coffee table; facing each other.
He followed behind, eye-fucking your ass. He also grabbed the nearest canvas and some paints and pencils, making you curious of what he was going to do.
You stood awkwardly in front of one, waiting for him to give you instructions.
“You do not get to be shy now after you asked me what I think of when I touch myself.” He softly chuckled.
“D-don’t be an ass.” You retorted; somehow enjoying that you could still tease each other even during sex.
He chuckled again. But his expression went back to the previous one: fox eyes full of raging lust. It was like two different people.
An easel was already in front of one of the sofas since you had decided this morning to paint an idea that had come to mind… so it made it easier for him.
He placed the canvas on the easel followed by the words, “Sit.” And you complied.
He was on the other couch facing you as he grabbed a pencil.
Is he… is he going to draw me naked? You thought to yourself, only to be answered afterwards as if he had heard you.
“You asked me what I thought when I touched myself… then I’m going to show you; don't know how much self control I'll have, though.” He said sincerely as he took out his cock out of his lower attire.
You loved the way it looked with cum already dripping from the tip.
“I’m going to paint you bare before me while I touch myself.” He said, already beginning to stroke his cock, breaths of air longer and broken. “And I don't want you touching yourself, do you understand?”
You nodded, rubbing your thighs together, needing some kind of friction.
“But you are going to spread your legs.”
This is going to be hard for me to not touch myself. You thought.
And slowly, and a bit embarrassed, you exposed to him your dripping cunt.
He swallowed hard, thinking to himself that this was going to be harder than he thought. But he still wanted to show you how fucked up you made him all the time. Plus he was enjoying the anticipation before he fucked you like he wanted to.
His other hand gripped hard on the pencil as he began to draw you. He began doing the basics of the painting… your face… the form of your body… and then began adding some details. But the truth is, the drawing was sloppy since he was enjoying more tracing your body with his own eyes; admiring it; memorizing it and plotting ways he was going to fuck you. All while he was stroking himself, squeezing his balls occasionally.
He looked so beautiful: eyebrows furrowed and mouth opened as he cursed and breathed heavily while giving himself pleasure. You wanted to touch yourself so badly…
“Spread the lips of your cunt for me.” He panted. “I wanna see your hole begging for my cock.”
For you that was even more torture since you just wanted to rub your clit or have him touch you or be inside you. But you did it anyway, making him hiss and grunt as his hips thrusted forward instinctively as he saw how it was pulsating from need.
“Fuck.” He clenched his jaw.
The painting was long gone, abandoned. And all that could be heard was the sound of his moans/grunts and hand stroking himself.
This was too much for you, seeing him like that… and your slit aching for him… your fingers just slipped inside you without you noticing as you looked at him touching himself to you.
“Jungkook...” You whimpered as you closed your eyes for a second, focusing on the feeling; your other hand now touching your breast.
The crash of the easel, canvas and pencil with the floor made you open your eyes again. Jungkook had pushed it to the floor and was now moving towards you.
He pushed your back to the couch and held your legs while he aligned himself on your entrance, spitting on his cock to use as additional lube.
“Jungk—-“ you were going to protest because he was going too fast but it was already too late. His cock was already inside of you, pounding you hard.
“Shit!” You yelped as your eyes watered from the sting.
“I wont be gentle, _____.” He grunted as he pounded into you. “But I’m going to make you feel good, I promise.”
It felt so different from your fingers for obvious reasons. There was a mixture of pain and pleasure and you didn't know how to react; you were confused. But one thing was for sure: you felt full and in ecstasy with him finally inside you. And you just wanted more even on uncomfortableness.
Had you just discovered you were a masochist? Probably.
One of your hands went to his and grabbed it, guiding it over your neck. You wanted him to hold you there; you liked the feeling.
“You keep playing with fire, _____. Do you want me to break you?!”
You nodded, too overwhelmed by lust and pleasure to speak.
He cursed.
Your arm was grabbed and in a matter of seconds you were flipped over. You were on your knees, forehead pressed to a cushion by his hand on your nape. This position allowed him to go faster.
Since you were looking down, he grabbed you by your hair and positioned your head sideways.
“Don't want to miss those pretty reactions you make while you take my cock.” You moaned at his words as he thrusted harshly into you, making you yelp.
“Touching yourself and then asking me to hold you by your neck? What a dirty virgin you are. You really don't want me to go easy on you, huh?” He added.
Every word he said, your body reacted to it. And he knew by the way you were squeezing in on him, which you could tell he loved by the way he cursed under his breath.
“Such a slut… my slut.” He commented; his hand never leaving your nape as he fucked you.
He then lowered himself on you, pushing you down to the sofa, your bodies now touching as he pounded you deep. His thrusts were now more paused but each thrust was harsh and loud.
“Feels so good.” You whimpered.
“I know, beautiful.” He whispered into your ear and licked a stripe of the shell and bit it softly.
You were drooling at this point; so focused on him, his sounds and touches. You also knew for sure that your ass was going to be bruised and red as fuck after this by how hard he had be fucking you. Not only were you probably weren't going to be able to stand up tomorrow, but also sit. You were fucked. But it was worth it to you.
“I’m close.” He grunted as he picked up the pace again, lifting your ass up again; both of his hands digging into your hips; more bruises you knew you were gonna have tomorrow.
You turned your head sideways to watch when he came. But you were also enjoying how his eyes never left your cunt as it took him so nicely.
“You were made for me, _____. Your pretty little tight cunt was made to take my cock.” He panted, high on you.
Suddenly, one of his harsh thrusts came with a sharp pain on your shoulder, extending to your neck; feeling drops of a warm liquid dripping from it; it was your blood. He had bitten you as he came inside you. You were now full of his cum, scent and with a mark claiming you as his.
It was so fast that it didn't give you time to react. But the pain was still there, he could see it on your face. So he licked the area to soothe you and clean it, giving your neck and shoulder kisses afterwards. He still didn't pull out.
“Mine finally.” He said burying his nose on your neck, smelling the mixture of your scent with his; he couldn't get enough of it. He couldn't get enough of the idea that you were all marked up by him; it was satisfying.
“You ok, love?” He asked, checking your wound to see if it stopped bleeding.
“Y-yes.” You replied, still surprised by the bite. You had forgotten when Erika had told you about the bite they give you when it's your first time together; it injects the pheromones into you; marking you as his not only by smell but physically.
“You haven't orgasmed yet, right?” He asked, still inside of you, laid on your back as his breathing returned to normal.
“No… sorry; I thought that was going to be enough.” You apologize, somehow feeling guilty that you didn't come during the intercourse. But again, you were new to this. You only knew some things because of Erika.
I should’ve listened more to her even if I puked afterwards. You thought.
“Love, why are you apologizing? That is perfectly normal; please don't force anything; just enjoy my touch.” He said, finally pulling out, pleased to see that you were filled to the brim with his cum.
You relaxed at his words but whimpered as he pulled out, missing feeling full.
“Turn around for me.”
You were facing him now as he hovered over you. He kissed you… lips now more gentle but full of passion; occasionally licking your lower lip.
His hand then slipped to your cum dripping cunt, playing with your folds before going down on you.
“W-wait! What are you doing?” You quickly questioned as his head was now between your legs; still insecure of your body.
But he ignored you.
“What a pretty sight.” He almost moaned seeing your hole still filled with his cum.
“I'll paint this next, what do you think?” He smirked at you and you blushed looking away.
His thumb circled your clit a bit before spitting on it, making it easier for him to pleasure you. But he did not miss the almost silent moan you released seeing him do that.
He smirked, once more. “You really like that, don’t you? When I spit on you.”
“Can— Can you stop teasing me?!” You said annoyed/flustered and he giggled.
He chuckled. “I knew it… that look you gave me when I spat on my cock was enough to let me know.“
He gave your clit more rubs while he hovered over you again.
“Open.” He gestured to your lips with his eyes.
Confusion was evident on your face, not understanding but you still complied.
“My slut is so well mannered; now stick your tongue out for me.”
A ball of spit fell from his mouth into your tongue.
“Swallow.”
It was embarrassing for you how quickly you complied and wanted more.
What is wrong with me?
You were discovering things about yourself that you never imagined existed.
“You want another one, doll?” He asked, begging for you to say yes as he was also enjoying every second of it. He never knew he was going to like this as much as he does right now; but maybe it was just because this was another way for him to mark you.
You nodded, opening your mouth again. And he smirked.
Another ball of spit fell into your mouth. And this time he continued with a kiss, connecting your tongues.
Every touch, kiss, action… was guiding you towards your high and you were starting to feel it. And he could see it by the way you were grinding your hips on his hand.
He lowered his face to your cunt, taking a whiff of it. “So good.” He moaned before sucking your clit.
You were a moaning whimpering mess by the way his tongue was going so fast on your bud; taking a few whiffs in between as he loved the way you smelled. At this point all his lower face was covered in your fluids. And he didn't mind one bit.
His other hand was now stroking his cock.
He is hard again.
You wanted to touch him so badly too but you were about to come.
Maybe next time. You thought.
But you did have one request. “Jungkook, I’m close. I want you to— to touch my clit with your cock.”
He didn't think twice to do so, wanting to make you go crazy for him, to lose all sense of reason for him, to just think of him only him. He wanted to break you.
“Fuck, I love you so much.” He cursed loving how lewd you were when about to climax.
Occasionally he would slap his cock on your clit as he rubbed himself on your clit, making your body jolt from overstimulation.
“fu— uck, Jungkook!” You grabbed onto his arm while you rode your high on his dick.
You had come before by your own hands but this… this was way different.
Jungkook, seeing your climax, also came on you, strings of semen landing on your belly and tits.
As you came down from cloud nine, he left wet kisses on your neck and then switched to your lips, connecting them.
He broke the kiss, resting his forehead on yours with his eyes closed as he caressed your cheek with his thumb. “Finally… mine.” He exhaled in relief as if he had held his breath all these months that he was with you. Because even though he told you that it would be ok if you didn't feel the same way, reality was that he knew very well it wasn't going to be ok for him; he knew that being with you and not being able to touch you… kiss you… hold you… make love to you… or just watching you with another man… was going to be torturous and unbearable pain. But he was willing to go through it just so he could see you everyday and make sure you were ok.
“I love you.” You said to him, wanting to reassure him you weren't going anywhere and that your feelings were true.
He chuckled as he sighed. “That just makes me want to go for round two. But I know you are tired and sore already so I will save that round two for later.”
You lazily chuckled; body so relaxed…
He noticed your heavy eyelids so he picked you up bridal style and took you to your bed. The sudden gesture shocked you a little bit but later relaxed in his arms.
After he gently laid you on the bed, he left the room and came back with a damped towel and proceeded to clean you up. As he did, your enamored eyes went from his face to his beautiful body, focusing on his caring actions. But the scars of the injury you cured grabbed your full attention after. Till this day you hadn't asked him what exactly he was running from and who had hurt him; it had been four months already. There were some times where you wanted to speak about the subject, but decided not to; scared of making him remember something he didn't want to. But right now, you felt so in tune with him; like your souls had reached their peak in connecting… that it gave you tranquility; you just knew he was willing to share his vulnerability with you.
“Jungkook… what were you running from that day?” You finally asked, his eyes quickly going up to you.
He was definitely not expecting that question now but he was already preparing for it; he knew you both would eventually talk about the subject. But he didn't mind; even if it meant going back to such a miserable past. You were his and he was yours, and he wanted to share everything with you.
“My family.” He said as he kept cleaning you.
You were shocked; that was an answer you were definitely not expecting. You were expecting maybe thieves… someone who just didn't like him… or just bad people in general. But his own blood? No.
“Why, if I may ask?” You said, now sitting on the bed.
“You can ask all you want, beautiful.” He smiled, rubbing your thigh as a sign of reassurance.
“They just… didn't like the idea of me going against their— no, her word.” He chuckled softly, but there was pain evident in his eyes.
“Her?” You asked curious of who he was referring to.
“My mother, it was always her and everyone followed… my whole childhood consisted of her controlling every little thing of my life; even the way I dressed. But as i got older, I began to rebel; starting with my hobbies… that's when I learned how to paint.”
It's incredible for you how well he hid the pain and reality of his childhood when he talked to you about it. He always told you the nice memories but never the bad ones. And you could tell there were a lot of bad ones.
“I changed the way I dressed; I got piercings and tattoos… I always got shit for it but I didn't care; I could take it… that's what I always said.” He continued.
And damn does he look good… You were happy he got the courage to be himself.
“But my tolerance was cut short when she forced me to marry a woman from a well known vampire clan. Apparently she got interested in me at one of the many balls I attended. And since she belongs to a very rich and powerful clan… it was all about gain.”
He threw the towel away and went to rest beside you, laying his head on your thigh. He took your hand and placed it on his head. And you already knew what it meant: he wanted pets.
“So I ran before the wedding could take place. But she found out and went looking for me; she sent my two brothers to search for me. The commitment they had to find me was astonishing because I was already far far away when they found me. And that's… that's when my own two brothers that I grew up with, almost… killed me.”
His last two words sounded doubtful, as he still couldn't believe that had happened.
“They tried to talk it out at first but when I kept refusing… all they said was that they didn't have another choice. I was always the strongest one out of the three so that’s the reason why she sent them both. But… even so, I managed to escape and lose them.”
You wiped the tears that had not gone unnoticed by you.
“Damn, I'm crying?” He chuckled and you nodded.
“It’s ok.” You reassured and kissed his hand that cleaned his eyes.
That action secretly drives him crazy.
“I ran all I could; I remember passing a lot of trees. And then… I saw you. Even though I was in pain, once my eyes laid on you I felt that you were someone who was going to be really important to me; I could feel it; as if we had known each other in a past life. But at the same time I was doubtful; probably because my intuition was being clouded with my fight or flight instinct; but once I saw you turn back because of a spider.. I knew I was ok and that you weren't going to hurt me.”
“I don't know if to feel flattered or insulted.” You said making him snort out a laugh.
“So that spider technically made you trust me?”
“Yeah… I thank that spider every day. Because otherwise, I would’ve probably just bled out.”
That was scary just thinking about; knowing that there could’ve been a possibility where you didn't meet each other. You look back and you for the first time in your life… feel thankful for a spider showing up.
“In that case, I'm grateful for the spider too.” You both laughed.
Your fingers kept running his hair while his eyes closed, enjoying your touch like always. There was silence but it was a comfortable one. As you sat there giving him affection, your eyes scanned all his features. Still admiring his beauty as if it was the first time you saw him.
“You are so beautiful.” Those words just needed to come out from your mouth.
His eyes opened with a shocked flustered expression; he was blushing and moved one of his hands to cover half of his face as if it was helping cover the obvious blushing cheeks and ears. He always did that when he got shy.
You chuckled at his cuteness. “Too bad I'm gonna get old and won't match your youthfulness.” You chuckled again but this time a bit more sad.
His expression changed to a more serious one. “Why are you thinking like that?”
“Because… my body will change and… I won't be able to keep up with… you know… your needs.”
The harsh truth; one that had been bothering you for a while now but tried your best to ignore it; you wanted to live in the moment after all. But the problem was that you wanted to make him happy always; to please him and be there for him when he needed you just like he does for you now. You didn't want to lose that ability. Because you knew for a fact he was going to love you unconditionally but it was still going to be hard for you.
He sat now, placing a hand on your cheek. “_____, look at me. Your hair will turn gray and your skin will prune. But your smile won't change, the way you make me laugh won't change, the way you love won't change, your fear of spiders probably won't change either.”
“Hey!” You protested.
“And your way of knowing me so well… the way you have me at the palm of your hands… the way you turn me on… won't change either. All those things are what made me fall deeply in love with you.”
“Even if my ass and tits drop?” You raised an eyebrow.
“Oh my god, ____. Yes, I will love you even if your ass and tits drop.” he rolled his eyes and began to laugh and you joined.
You were in love; mad, mad in love.
“In other words… Till my end comes, you will always have my heart. Even after our inevitable parting happens, I'll never let go of you.”
Tears unavoidably fell from your eyes as you smiled; feeling so lucky and so loved. Was this the world reciprocating all the love you gave to it al this time?
“Besides, we can just make potions for stamina and endurance. If you know what I mean.” He winked and smirked.
You slapped his arm and began laughing. “You had to ruin the moment you fucking degenerate.”
“Only if it's you.” He stuck his tongue out, stopping it between his teeth with deviousness in his eyes; a playful flirty expression he tended to make.
He really never failed to make you flustered, shy or blushed even if it was sometimes corny. It was something that you knew that even if decades passed, you would still experience.
“I hope I get to see you in my next life too, Jungkook.”
“Oh believe me, I will always find my way back to you.”
And as always, that sincerity in his eyes was undoubtedly one of your biggest weaknesses. Your lips couldn't help but to reach for his.
Now the next thing was to plan the wedding. You didn't have any ideas yet. But one thing was for sure. And that was that Yoongi was going to make the pastries. It was a perfect excuse to make him do pie.
Sorry Yoongi.
#jungkook x reader#jungkook#hybrid jungkook x reader#smut#kitsune#bts#fantasy#human x kitsune#fluff#romantic#past lives#fanfic#one shot
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2024 Game of the Year Countdown Honorable Mention: The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom Nintendo Switch, 2023
I feel like I’ve played this game before…oh, right! I did! It was 2018 and the game was called The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild.
Now that at least one person is furious with me, I have to say that I did not hate my time with Tears of the Kingdom. I just don’t think it lived up to the immeasurable hype that I heard from critics, websites, YouTube, and friends. I don’t think I heard a single person say a single negative thing about this game for two months after it came out. I even heard people singing its praises multiple times on NPR, one of the last platforms where I’d expect to hear video game reviews.
So, let’s start out with the things I liked after the cut, because this is going to be a super long review, for those interested.
I adored exploring the Gerudo Desert, as I did in Breath of the Wild. The Gerudo are a really fun and interesting group, and I spent significantly more time here than anywhere else. It was nice to see Link welcomed into town as the one male with a hall pass, since that meant I didn’t need to make sure to always don the disguise outfit. (Although it’s silly to put on the full Yiga Clan garb and get tossed into jail!) The addition of a subterranean area in Gerudo Town was also cool and helped add to the lore of the Gerudo having a long history. The bright colors and designs of the town, clothing, and the equipment were also still present and welcome. And seeing Riju grow into her role as leader was both cool, as she packs a wallop with her thunder attack, and reassuring as she was fairly self-conscious and unsure of herself in Breath of the Wild.
The Yiga Clan are also still around, and I found them more interesting than in BotW. I wish we had a little more from them, but they’re supposed to be in disarray after we crushed them in BotW, so it wouldn’t make a ton of sense from a narrative standpoint.
Music was generally pretty good, especially in the more plot-centric sequences. The classic Zelda swells and melodies bring emotion to the forefront, most notably nostalgia. The credits music ties the whole experience together. Can’t really go wrong with a Zelda soundtrack, although it was a touch less subtle than Breath of the Wild.
Tulin was a really refreshing character that somehow struck a balance between over-eager young bird with skills, and annoying kid. In fact, he’s one of the only kid characters I genuinely enjoyed from start to finish in any game. He’s determined to help his village, prove himself, work as a team with Link, and follow through with his new role once you complete the Wind Temple.
Finally, the characters themselves all seem to have had a bit of a glow-up, design-wise. Everyone looks great. There’s also a focus on making characters stand out more, with more unique designs and more plot relevance. Some have more of a part to play than others, but there were seemingly fewer one-off interactions in TotK. Many sidequests have multiple parts to them that occur across the map, so expect to see characters popping up more than once.
Something that has undoubtedly stood out thus far in my review is how often I have referenced Breath of the Wild. It is fully unavoidable to review Tears of the Kingdom on its own. It looks, sounds, feels, and plays like Breath of the Wild. I have heard criticisms of Majora’s Mask from some people who claim they couldn’t enjoy it as much as Ocarina of Time due to the reuse of assets, claiming it was too similar, or even lazy (which just proves they don’t know the actual history of Majora’s Mask, but I digress). But even those critics have to recognize that Majora’s Mask shares little beyond the reuse of assets as the game is fundamentally different on so many levels.
Tears of the Kingdom is so similar to Breath of the Wild, I find it hard to not look at the whole game as anything other than a massive DLC. We’re on the same map. We’ve got towers and shrines all over, and while they’re not in exactly the same spots…they’re not that different and serve the same purpose. Zelda needs rescuing. Ganon(dorf) is the bad guy. Enemies are the same. Controls are the same. It felt like I was playing the same game, maybe just a different post-game story.
The addition of the sky islands and the ill-lit underworld were so underwhelming to me that I never felt compelled to explore beyond a few minutes, aside from when I was forced to do so. I just didn’t find anything interesting about them at all. It was difficult to even get to the sky islands in the early game, and once I finally made my way there, I was expecting unique weapons and enemies, or powerful ingredients for cooking. I got neither, so I don’t really see the point. Perhaps I missed some massive highlight, but I have yet to hear about anything that would make me seek out some special, far-flung sky island for amazing content.
The same goes for the dark abyss area, which I heard was this hugely fun land to explore. When I got there, it was just…dark. I couldn’t even see anything off in the distance to entice me into exploring, and the light seeds you get don’t travel very far, nor do they light very much of the area around you, so you’re still stumbling around and hoping to just chance upon something. As a result, I didn’t do much of anything down there at all.
The Zonai tech was a huge letdown, too. I didn’t exactly adore the magnetism, bombs, stasis, etc. from BotW, but it was serviceable. This new stuff in TotK was downright not fun. When I see people building these huge, elaborate devices with fans and batteries and whatnot, I honestly cannot fathom the enjoyment they’re getting out of it. It got to the point where I just never did any shrines ever again. I’d find one and activate it as a warp point, and never go inside because they were annoying chores.
The new tech felt gimmicky at the best of times, too, and I was disappointed that the developers clearly focused so much time and effort on it instead of…anything else. Being able to throw random objects onto a sword isn’t as interesting as discovering well-crafted weapons that have a bit of lore or culture behind them. Instead, we just get a couple of very basic weapons and are expected to combine them with random monster parts to make stronger ones, but they always end up looking held together with paper clips and bubble gum.
Perhaps my time playing games from Falcom’s Trails series has bled over and corrupted my ability to fairly assess the storytelling and writing in other games and series; and while there was definitely a bigger focus on story in TotK than BotW, I still found the story to be lacking. Maybe it was just my disinterest, but it came off as very underwhelming to me. I liked individual moments, like Riju standing on her own or Zelda actually playing a part in the plot, but the overall story just didn’t click with me. It all felt like something I’d already done before.
I found the difficulty in this game to be a bit of a mixed bag. I welcomed some of the more difficult enemies and the increase in the number of boss fights, in general, but the final gauntlet was such an enormous leap in difficulty that it was ultimately the thing that made me put the game back on the shelf for about five months. I was getting bored with the game, skipped both the Goron and Zora areas, and was forced to fight their bosses at the end of the game as a result. This was definitely a difficult surprise since I had no tips from the respective champions, and while I did manage to scrape through, I never felt a sense of accomplishment, only frustration and annoyance. I appreciated the option to skip Divine Beasts in BotW, but this felt like a harsher punishment in the endgame.
Even in BotW, I was never one for “proper” Zelda combat, with parries and such, not to mention being moderately underpowered. So brute forcing it was kind of my MO, and TotK very clearly doesn’t want you to do that. As I’ve gotten older, I enjoy Hardcore Gamer Moments™ less and less and I think my favorite thing to happen to video games is the difficulty slider that allows me to choose the type of experience I have. Work and life is stressful and I don’t generally want my games to be the same. Or, at the very least, I’d like the option to choose.
Now, I must admit that when I got frustrated and put the game back on the shelf, I wasn’t really intending to ever return to it because I wasn’t having fun. However, after five months, something changed and I was open to making another attempt. The water and fire temples were extremely unenjoyable experiences, with the very long, drawn-out quests for the Spirit Sage and Master Sword being only slightly less chore-like, and this has essentially always been the case with Zelda dungeons for me. I almost never enjoy them, which explains why the list of Zelda games I like is shockingly short. I actually gave up on the Master Sword quest because it involved expanding my stamina gauge, which meant completing shrines and I hated shrines in this game, so I said screw it.
However, I did beat the game. I sought out the temples I originally skipped, finished them, and headed back to Ganondorf for a second attempt. It was definitely easier, but still a jump in difficulty compared to the rest of the game. I didn’t feel satisfied with the fights, only annoyed that I had to be troubled to finish them at all.
My last real gripe is just how this game is essentially one massive roadblock. Every single thing you want to do will be locked behind having to complete some OTHER quest first, which is supremely annoying and a complete break from what Breath of the Wild was. I found myself just wishing I was playing Breath of the Wild instead, which cannot be a glowing endorsement for Tears of the Kingdom.
I can’t say I regret playing TotK and I didn’t hate every minute I spent with the game, despite some of my grumblings. It didn’t reach the heights of BotW, but I did spend over a month playing it, when it’s all said and done. I still like the open world Zelda aspect and the art direction is still top notch. Nintendo always puts their A Team on Zelda projects, so it’s never a franchise you can ignore, even if individual games don’t do it for you.
#zelda#tloz#tears of the kingdom#nintendo#switch#goty#game of the year countdown#I hope people don't hate me for this one lol
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one of the things that's the most fucking frustrating for me about arguing with climate change deniers is the sheer fucking scope of how much it matters. sweating in my father's car, thinking about how it's the "hottest summer so far," every summer. and there's this deep, roiling rage that comes over me, every time.
the stakes are wrong, is the thing. that's part of what makes it not an actual debate: the other side isn't coming to the table with anything to fucking lose.
like okay. i am obviously pro gun control. but there is a basic human part of me that can understand and empathize with someone who says, "i'm worried that would lead to the law-abiding citizens being punished while criminals now essentially have a superpower." i don't agree, but i can tell the stakes for them are also very high.
but let's say the science is wrong and i'm wrong and the visible reality is wrong and every climate disaster refugee is wrong. let's say you're right, humans aren't causing it or it's not happening or whatever else. let's just say that, for fun.
so we spend hundreds of millions of dollars making the earth cleaner, and then it turns out we didn't need to do that. oops! we cleaned the earth. our children grow up with skies full of more butterflies and bees. lawns are taken over with rich local biodiversity. we don't cry over our electric bills anymore. and, if you're staunchly capitalist and i need to speak ROI with you - we've created so many jobs in developing sectors and we have exciting new investment opportunities.
i am reminded of kodak, and how they did not make "the switch" to digital photography; how within 20 years kodak was no longer a household brand. do we, as a nation, feel comfortable watching as the world makes "the switch" while we ride the laurels of oil? this boggles me. i have heard so much propaganda about how america cannot "fall behind" other countries, but in this crucial sector - the one that could actually influence our own monopolies - suddenly we turn the other cheek. but maybe you're right! maybe it will collapse like just another silicone valley dream. but isn't that the crux of capitalism? that some economies will peter out eventually?
but let's say you're right, and i'm wrong, and we stopped fracking for no good reason. that they re-seed quarries. that we tear down unused corporate-owned buildings or at least repurpose them for communities. that we make an effort, and that effort doesn't really help. what happens then? what are the stakes. what have we lost, and what have we gained?
sometimes we take our cars through a car wash and then later, it rains. "oh," we laugh to ourselves. we gripe about it over coffee with our coworkers. what a shame! but we are also aware: the car is cleaner. is that what you are worried about? that you'll make the effort but things will resolve naturally? that it will just be "a waste"?
and what i'm right. what if we're already seeing people lose their houses and their lives. what if it is happening everywhere, not just in coastal towns or equatorial countries you don't care about. what if i'm right and you're wrong but you're yelling and rich and powerful. so we ignore all of the bellwethers and all of the indicators and all of the sirens. what if we say - well, if it happens, it's fate.
nevermind. you wouldn't even wear a mask, anyway. i know what happens when you see disaster. you think the disaster will flinch if you just shout louder. that you can toss enough lives into the storm for the storm to recognize your sacrifice and balk. you argue because it feels good to stand up against "the liberals" even when the situation should not be political. you are busy crying for jesus with a bullhorn while i am trying to usher people into a shelter. you've already locked the doors, even on the church.
the stakes are skewed. you think this is some intellectual "debate" to win, some funny banter. you fuel up your huge unmuddied truck and say suck it to every citizen of that shitbird state california. serves them right for voting blue!
and the rest of us are terrified of the entire fucking environment collapsing.
#spilled ink#writeblr#i hope it is clear here that i actually very much care about equatorial countries#and that's part of what makes me so angry bc im like. climate refugees exist.#they've existed for a while!!!#and the reply is almost always ''should have thought about that before living on an island"#like fuck dude. do you need to like how people vote before ur like#your entire house shouldn't burn down each summer????#so many of these people make it their life to mock california that they think it's FUNNY#and im like. girl you should be fucking trembling. TEXAS??? ARE YOU LISTENING??#this is one of those times that like. i need to stress how fucking stupid it would be#to let trump win. bc he could have “reached across the aisle.” covid could have been#a MASSIVE commercial success. he has such a huge and bigoted and brainwashed following.#literally just a PR campaign called COWBOY UP and it's pictures of cowboys in bandanas#trump reinvisioned as the lone ranger fighting for the american people against covid. EASY SELL#and instead. companies bought him. it became political. it was not ''oh shit this is 1 enemy let's all be human''#it was ''you deserve to die.''#climate change should be GLOBAL. it should be like ''yeah i hate u but. we do all live here''#i don't have to LIKE my group members to do well on a team project bc we are ALL getting graded.#is that simple enough of an under-explaination lol
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Listen to me Suzanne Collins did not have to give Katniss and Peeta a history before the games. She did NOT have to do that. She could have just had their story begin when Peeta's name was called. She could have had them be total strangers until the moment of the reaping.
Like: "And the boy tribute is... Peeta Mellark!" Katniss: Who's that? Or she could have made them vaguely familiar with each other! Peeta's name is called and Katniss just thinks, Oh, I know that name! He's in my class, actually. Poor boy... Anyway!
Either way, SC could have written the rest of the story exactly the same! I think many authors would have done that! Because if Peeta's purpose in the book was to be Gale's competition, to be one of the 3 corners of a love triangle, THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN THE WAY TO DO IT!! But that's NOT how she did it because that's NOT what Peeta is.
And what is he? To Katniss, Peeta's someone who saved her and her family and received nothing in return except a beating. Peeta's someone she has had her eye on but has never worked up the courage to talk to. Peeta's someone she associates with kindness and hope. And all this before the start of the events of the book! Just because WE, the READERS, met Gale before Peeta and immediately felt a connection with him does NOT mean that was Katniss's experience! And that's what SC is trying to tell us!
To dismiss Katniss and Peeta's past as unimportant or inconsequential compared to whatever Katniss and Gale have in the present is to fundamentally misunderstand Katniss as a character and, as a result, condemn oneself to never fully understand the choices she makes in the future.
Suzanne Collins wrote it that way on purpose because she had something to say. And no one will ever be able to convince me that something wasn't "It was always going to be Peeta".
#thg#everlark#peeta mellark#katniss everdeen#the hunger games#sorry i hope this one's not too harsh#i just has to let it out lol#I'm not saying people only like gale because they misunderstand SC's writing#obviously everyone has preferences and that's great snd normal#but SC wrote Katniss to have preferences too?#and those preferences are pretty subtle at times I'll admit#but sometimes they're so glaringly obvious#i struggle to empathize with people who don't understand these books and honestly that's a me problem#but it really is difficult when people seem to hate Katniss because she didn't make THEIR choices#okay rant over
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yes i'm rooting for m*leven breakup because byler is neat but mostly? i'm rooting for m*leven breakup for the sake of el and mike.
to me, their romance was always a puppy love born out of a combination of social pressures, naïve curiosity, and a lack of true understanding regarding intimacy and romantic love and what it really is. it was real in that they do truly, deeply care about each other and they are close friends, maybe even shared an attraction, but a maturing romance is so much more than that. they've grown up and out of being boyfriend/girlfriend, and that's okay! i think television/film needs to show more often that most of us don't have definite "soulmates" or first childhood loves that we spend our whole lives with. it doesn't mean these relationships meant nothing and didn't impact us, it just means they've run their course and that something else is in the cards, and this is part of life!
i've always felt el was at her best and most confident self when broken up with mike, discovering who she was and what she liked alongside another girl her age instead of just relying on mike for mentorship on how to live in the real world. she deserves more of an opportunity to find herself, her autonomy, and her independence, and to love who she is, and she's made it clear she's felt insecure in the relationship with mike because she isn't being loved and understood the way she wants, needs, and deserves from someone who is her partner.
also, it's okay if mike doesn't love her in "the way he should". he is not obligated to love her romantically and stay in a relationship with her just because she's a girl, because she "needed someone", or because he cares about her a lot. he shouldn't be pressured into a romance if it's not truly coming from his heart. he deserves freedom to find out and honour who he is, too, instead of just staying in his non-functional first relationship — one he got into as a child, essentially — and defining himself that way because it's what's expected when a boy and a girl are close. he loves her in some way, yes, but it's okay if he doesn't feel comfortable or secure being her boyfriend anymore, for whatever reason that is. he's felt insecure too, and that's valid and it matters.
they are their own people and are steadily growing and changing every day. they need time to figure out who those people are, and it's become clear (at least in my opinion) that those people aren't meant to be a couple at this stage.
they deserve freedom. they deserve to grow up and be authentic to themselves and not feel like they need to lie for the sake of a relationship. they deserve to move on from this version of their relationship that isn't making them happy and rekindle the best part of their bond: their strong, beautiful friendship. they don't have to be a couple if it doesn't make them stronger and better and happier people.
i think it would be healthy and wonderful for a show, especially one consumed frequently by young adults, to show a relationship starting, progressing, and ending on good terms in this way. sometimes things don't work out, and that is okay.
#eve text#elmike#stranger things#byler#only tagging byler because i feel like yall will like this take lol#tagging tagging tagging WHAT ARE EVERYONE ELSE'S THOUGHTS#god i can't believe i'm making a post about stranger things. this feels like poking a bear#i'm not particularly anti m*leven but like... they'd have to do something pretty special at this point for me to feel like it's viable#i'm seeing the bts of s5 and it's got me Having Thoughts#elmike friendship is something i am so passionate about#even before i ever liked byler (didn't ship at all until s4 even though i knew it was a thing before) i've felt this way about elmike#i always believed they were close friends at heart and needed to break up#the romance part of them felt very distinctly young and very much “he was a boy she was a girl” to me#and it hasn't deepened into anything more mature and i don't see how it could based on the current state of the writing...#the fact that lumax exists — a young relationship that is actively maturing and is healthy — makes that clear to me#and the “love confession” in s4 and how disingenuous and miserable it felt was just the nail in the coffin#also the fact that will (who is IN LOVE with mike) was instrumental in making it happen? ... uh... okay... interesting choice…#fucked up and reductive if they make it another queer unrequited love sacrifice for the sake of pushing the heterosexual agenda YUCK#so i really hope the speculation about a m*leven breakup is real!! i think it just makes sense for their characters but who knows#i don't believe in the notion of love at first sight or one true love and i think the writers don't too???#love to me is an accumulation of experiences and we inevitably choose it at some point rather than fall into it... but idk#tv is so fixated on keeping couples together... sometimes it's just not reality guys especially with young people... LET IT GO...#like i said though i'm not 100% sold that they're going to give up their “golden couple” LMAO#stranger things hasn't historically subverted too many tropes if i'm being honest#anyway i seriously need this season to come out quickly... i'm so bored and getting my master's is crushing my soul#i need frivolity#ALSO btw i won't respond to hateful messages about this so please don't bother. it's not that serious. this is a netflix show
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i will never understand how or why the httyd movies did the books such an injustice.
the movies aren't even an adaptation - they stole the name of the series, the name of some of the characters and places, and the general idea that there are dragons. honestly, i would be fine with the movies and maybe even like them if they didn't capitalize off of cressida cowell's incredible books that never get any credit.
the books are an amazing story about the cycle of violence and how vengeance and revenge is dangerous. hiccup says that the past is a ghost story, one we need to learn from to better ourselves. the books are about how everyone deserves freedom, how every creature, every being on the earth deserves to be free. we see that in the slavemark, with the dragons.
and like... hiccup is so different. they did him a severe injustice. he's scrawny and intelligent and learned to talk to dragons simply by observing them! he chooses kindness first above all else; instead of yelling at toothless to train him, he is kind. and in the end, that kindness is why toothless chose to save him. bc even toothless himself says that dragons are inherently selfish creatures who care only for their survival. hiccup is brave - his beliefs differ drastically from both the vikings and the world.
hiccup is a child who chose to do the right thing even at the expense of himself. he agreed to free the slaves on nobert's ship, and in return, they gave him the slavemark which is easy to give but cannot be removed. he was like twelve. and having the slavemark means he cannot be with his tribe or his family, it means he isn't considered a human being anymore. and he keeps it a secret for awhile until it's revealed and when it is everyone turns their backs on hiccup. his family, his tribe, his mentor, people he TRUSTED. everyone except fishlegs, and, once she got over the shock, camicazi. he was thirteen. and even when he lost his memories and was really injured, he persisted. he was told to go to tomorrow and to save the dragons and he did bc in his heart he knew it was right even though he didn't know who he was or how he got there.
and fishlegs,,, oh my god FISHLEGS!!! the did him SO DIRTY!!! fishlegs is hiccup's best friend, one of the main motivators for hiccup. he steals norbert's potato for the sake of fishlegs, he gives fishlegs his dragon and goes to retrieve another, he takes the blame for fishlegs. and fishlegs does the same for him. he takes the slavemark with pride. he refuses to turn. he gives hiccup his lobster claw necklace which is his most prized possession. he is brave for hiccup, he believes hiccup is alive. he fights for hiccup harder than anyone else ever has. he does not turn. his is loyal, has allergies, has asthma, has a squint and a limp, has glasses bc he's blind without them... and he's still a hero despite being a runt, despite everyone even the adults telling him he's hopeless, telling hiccup to leave him behind.
and they cut camicazi! i'm sorry, but astr*d is nothing compared to camicazi. camicazi is a tiny, feral child who can easily best hiccup, fishlegs, and pretty much anyone in a sword fight. she can bring a grown man to tears with her rudery and smack talk. she is recklessly brave and craves adventure and follows hiccup blindly bc she trusts him that much. she isn't in love with hiccup - in fact she doesn't care about romance and love. she gives up everything to help hiccup bc she has a strong sense of justice. she is the motivator, the cheerleader, she finds a positive in everything. she never gives up. literally never gives up. and that's one of the most inspiring things about her: she always has hope.
and toothless! god!!! toothless is *thought to be* a common or garden dragon. he is horrifically tiny, he is literally toothless, and is the biggest brat in the world. he will cause problems on purpose. he has a stutter, he's the most selfless selfish dragon around. he and hiccup can talk to each other. he masks his fear with singing and being annoying. his growth is remarkable. he starts off refusing to obey hiccup, doing the opposite of what he says, making life harder for literally everyone around him, and he's still somewhat like that. but he's also braver, more caring, more willing to make sacrifices for the sake of others. he's clever, which he needs to be to make up for his size and aggression. he protects hiccup with everything he has, therefore, he protects what hiccup cares about just as hard. he was the only dragon that didn't abandon the vikings in the first book bc he cared about hiccup.
and snotlout,,, god,,, i will never forgive the movies for butchering snotlout. hiccup's cousin, the bully character, the one who is horrifically jealous that hiccup's dad was born before his. the one who desperately wants to prove himself, to be worthy, to make people proud. and you hate him, you despise him. he betrays everyone many times bc of the nothing promised to him by alvin and his mom. he loses himself, turns his back on himself, all bc he wants to prove himself. all bc he wants to be better than hiccup. and hiccup still forgives him and gives him chances, sometimes out of pity, but also bc snotlout is his cousin. he can't just turn his back on him no matter how miserable snotlout made his life. and in the end, snotlout sacrifices himself for hiccup. he gives up his life for hiccup in one last attempt to set things right. his death and the events preceding it are one of my absolute favorite moments in the book. gives me chills. makes me cry.
that's the thing with the books - they're so realistic. there is no inherently happy ending where everything works out. the first book begins with "there were dragons when i was a boy", implying that they're gone now. the books show there are consequences to our actions. they enslaved the dragons, they fought against them during the dragon rebellion all bc alvin and his mom said to, and now they're gone bc a simple apology doesn't fix hundreds of years of enslavement. and the only way for the world to move forward was for the dragons to leave and heal on their own. and now they have to learn to live without them. and yeah i've heard the third movie ends like that but. it doesn't have the build up. it doesn't have "there were dragons when i was a boy". it doesn't have eleven books of development to back it up, to make it feel meaningful.
i know that the movies are really special to a lot of people. i know that, on their own, they're genuinely good movies. i can acknowledge that the soundtrack is amazing and the animation is beautiful. i just can't see past the way they butchered the world that i love, the world that i grew up with. i can't see past the way people yelled at me for saying i liked the books better, the way that people gave me weird looks when i showed them a picture of the original toothless, when i tell them that nightfuries aren't even a type of dragon. cressida cowell created hundreds of different dragons, and the movies couldn't even pick from that. i can't forgive the way that barely anyone knows there are books bc the movie barely gives credit to them. i cannot forgive the way they capitalized off the books and then shoved them aside. i know cressida thinks they're good movies and i know a lot of httyd book fans also like them. but i just... i cannot get over how much they changed and how they missed so much and ignored the books. also they got rid of camicazi so hiccup could have a love interest and that is unforgivable to me.
if you disagree, that is a-okay. we're all entitled to our own opinions. i just ask that you, perhaps, try the books out. give them a chance. bc they're amazing works of art and also just like. don't yell at people who don't like the movies? whether it's bc they prefer the books or just aren't into that kind of movie. and just remember that dreamworks didn't come up with the story; cressida cowell did.
#corey talks:)#this has been in my drafts forever but i saw something that made me have feelings and so i finished it and here take this iuygfcvghuij#i justgod the books are SO GOOD and barely anyone knows theyexist#and i think that's what makes me the kost upset#or some [people chose to ignore they exist or don't give them a chance bc... i don't even know why. ppl are just so quick to dismiss them#the books are so important to me (literally got a httyd book tattoo) and i get most book fans also like the movies#but it sucks bc i can't go through the httyd tag without being bombarded with movie stuff#i'll even look up 'httyd books' and half of it is still about the movies.#i'll look up snotface snotlout and only finds movie stuff even tho ig they changed his last name in the movies???#i'll look up camicazi and find it filled with astr*d. WHAT.#i'll look u toothless and only see the freaking nightfury. not the original.#like god movie enjoyers at least tag correctly. i get you want ppl to see your posts but the more i see movie stuff in the book tag the mor#i hate the movies lol like the movies are so much more popular than the books let us have our tags okay#sorry if any of this sounds bitter also i hope it doesn't sound like i want to argue or fight#this is just my opinion and i have feelings and i just want ppl to know there are books#also i am not shaming anyone who likes the movies like i already said you do you boo just don't come at me for doing me#bc yes that has happened to me multiple times :) which is one reason why i get so upset :)#i just personally cannot separate the two. i know some ppl can and i'm glad! but i can't and that's okay too#httyd#httyd books
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one thing i really deeply wish is that i'd had access as a kid to the plural community and information that are more easily available today, instead of my first experience with plural community which both took it seriously and was nonjudgmental having been 10's era tul/pa.info lmao
#moogletalks#in some ways it was a wonderful community; and it taught me a lot of really helpful things#and made me feel validated and hopeful that This is a Thing That You Can Continue to Be and Develop in an Adult Life#instead of feeling like there was a time limit for when plurality stopped being Childlike Imagination and started being Craziness(tm)#(lots to unpack there lol)#.....in other ways not only was there Some Real Fuckery going on in the community in general; on an interpersonal basis#but i cannot overstate how horrifically toxic and damaging some of the things it taught me about plurality were#and how when i entered the phase of young adulthood where i realized the approach it had demanded of me was unsustainable to my survival#instead of having other perspectives on hand to go 'hey yeah you're not torturing your parts to death out of laziness if they go dormant'#'and/or if you don't spend hours of extremely grueling intensive work at minimum into maintaining them every single day of your life'#'and that if they dissolve into nothing because you Didn't Pay Them Enough Attention and you try to recreate them it won't be the same one'#'and if they DO actually come back as themselves they'll be horribly broken and traumatized and probably hate you forever'#'who the fuck told you that. oh my god?'#all i had to go on was 'either you're plural or you live an actual functional life in the real world; and i can't not do the latter atp'#and the result was repressing myself in an incredibly traumatic way i have just never fully recovered from even now#the fun cherry on top was that later when i *did* try to ask (very kind and well-meaning) plural ppl from another mental health community#if anything i described sounded familiar to their own experiences; or ones they had heard from other people#their response was pretty much 'idk that doesn't sound plural to me; i'm sorry; it's something where if you have it you know :('#me crying my eyes out for days afterward: obviously this reaction is bc i want to appropriate plurality to feel special#and am throwing tantrums at having the bubble broken by Reality#anyway. it's been a lot and yeah i really wish i'd had literally any other affirming plural community as a kid lol#ableism cw#internalized ableism cw#pluralitag#traumatag#adventures in mental illness#disabilitag
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not me curling my laptop charger wire the way you curl band equipment cords HAHAHA god i miss it
#i really said “okay big performance in the city square let's make this work” and i did but absolute fuckery of the manager just made me...#and she also used to complain about being an opening act-- like come on that's a nationally-renowned band and we're not there yet 😭#we used to fight a lot though so ack i really should have taken that as a red flag#but i was 14 and stupid 🤷♂️#being solo way better uM i shouldn't say this yet but i got a commission today audhauagah i don't even have a portfolio#fuck guys i'm so so so nervous from big changes in life because uM god i just came from actual hell with various things working to make me#kms#but uH we're uH not too keen on that anymore atm and uH it's probably going to all fuck up after i share that i have good news in life#but yk what#let's keep challenging god#i know he hates me#but we will not be defeated we will strangle him by the tie#AHHHH help me i want to get into music again pls pls pls pls pls#anyway back to my old band manager#she was known for being a shitwad in the scene anyw but i was young and stupid as i sais#and i defended her and rationalized her behavior because “we're friends right”#i'm starting to get why my mom is wary of people i get to know#i'm tbh a fucking idiot i would never admit that elsewhere (nah i do) uM my brain is bouncing off the walls#i took a bargain with 7pm coffee and look where it got me#i was also getting up there in my 5 days of uni absences agsgshags#DOES ANYONE ACTUALLY READ THESE I KINDA HOPE NOW NO ONE DOES#IM KINDA UHHH MY CHILD THERAPIST SAID UNCONVENTIONAL#I THINK SHE MEANT FUCKING CRAZY#sorry#oh yeah i walked tf out the band after that big performance set up just for us because i couldn't keep working with that kind of environment#other bands started flocking to recruit or proxy after i was let go by my famously fucked-up ex-manager LOL#but um i have issues so i'm not among them and i think they get the message tbh#appears and disappears#that is actually my brand
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Personally, I hate the "one sided love with your best friend" trope. It's pathetic and sad and it's just not entertaining to me, sorry I'm not sorry. And for this one to have gone on for TEN YEARS? With the added "you can only trust [Way] and Alan" bit? It's very much "if I stick around long enough as your best friend, you'll love me one day when you get your whoring out of your system." He even said as much as that in the first or second episode to Alan! And personally, I thought we had all agreed that shit ain't cute in a man. And a grown ass man pushing 30 at that!
Getting possessive over dick you ain't getting and won't ever get it? Nah. Sorry, I don't respect that. The fact that Way doesn't have not one homegirl to pull him aside and tell him this isn't it tells me a lot about him as a person. 💅💅💅
Plus I assume Babe doesn't like how Way smells since we know the only alpha smell he's ever seemed to not only tolerate, but like, is Charlie. So. Like. What are we doing here Way. What are we doing. At this point, he's just hurting his own feelings AND hurting Babe with his lies, manipulations, and isolation, That's just too many struggles and I've put him back.
#pit babe#pit babe the series#save me Pete#save me Pete by fucking Way#please @ god#I will stop hating Way when he stops being obsessed with his bestie's dick he ain't ever getting#and another thing#Charlie also being a shady lying bitch doesn't make him the same as Way#people acting like liking Charlie and hating Way is hypocrisy#no baby their crimes aren't the same#Charlie IS committing crimes against Babe#and I hope when Babe finds out at least one punch connects#but they're not on the same level and you know that#you know that don't pretend otherwise don't do this#like please lol#regular clyde
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Why do i always relate to anyhow repressed male characters. I'm just a teenage bisexual girl but clive durham i get you on a spiritual level pls never forget that.
#clive durham#maurice#maurice 1987#it's not even only necessarily being a part of the lgbtq+#(i do not believe clive actually became straight bro's just lying to himself lol)#it's also the turmoiling feeling of being different and impending doom throughout the entirety of life#his nervous breakdown at 16? iconic#bro lives in his own mind like have you seen him yapping? that's me#also closing off from people hurting himself and others making them think that he doesn't care?? lmaoo shut upp bro#and him wanting to keep maurice to himself only even when he's not his anymore? ok toxic attachement issues#just admit you're unhappy and lonely and you have no one else to trust#blah blah blah#was he an unempathetic unempathetic asshole sometimes? yes. it's okay i'm an unempathetic bitch sometimes.#boo do you have a fear of intimacy#boo do you fear people might find out you're the opposite of what they expect you to be#so you just play pretend until you don't know where's the real you and you have regrets lol#do you feel like you hate people the closest to you while having a crisis#i know clive is a product of the society and family he lives in but cmon a character so complex is really easy to relate to#also hugh grant is so fine i hope he respawns so we can be together
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out of curiosity do you follow any hockey teams/players? hope you’ve been having a lovely day also <3
i'm gonna be honest, the only hockey player that exists to me is tyler seguin because of the Body Issue shoot, That Tweet, and he's very, very attractive.
but other than that, no, i'm not really into it!
#i'll be honest i have a love/hate thing going on#the fic is SO good even if you have no idea who these guys are#like it's incredible. the hockey fic writer thing is a joke on this website at this point but it's also not a joke#so many good stories by a bunch of very talented writers!#sometimes when i'm out of football things to read (very often the case!) but still want a sports fic#i'll just go find a random one on ao3 and am often satisfied#(until i look up the guys lol. i'm sorry. there are so few hockey players that are attractive to me)#but then like. i also get insanely petty and bitter about it#because WHERE are these incredible fic writers for my sport?? my ship??#(not to dismiss the amazing fic writers we DO have. but there are so few 😔)#we have Narratives we have Lore we have Gorgeous Guys trying to kill each other too!!#but it's like....i'm pretty sure i know why hockey is the most popular sport on tumblr and ao3#(it being. you know. the whitest sport.)#and that's not to diminish it as a sport or as a fandom! talented great people in it! many beloved friends and mutuals!#and i know there IS a growing overlap between hockey fans and football fans and i'm thrilled about it!#but like. to even that balance out. i don't feel like i need to actually get into it.#sorry! more than you wanted probably!#but yeah. not really into it. do enjoy the fics though when i come across them!#and i'm sure there are many ships my mutuals are into that i would be into as well#if i wasn't so trapped by my own current obsessions!#i hope you're having a lovely day as well <3 <3
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terrified of talking to my own bestfriend
#i don't like being emotionally distant and unavailable but like. i do.#cause it means whenever i do talk to them they'll be like oh my god thank god we're stil lfriends#if we talk too regularly im scared she'll get bored of me and realise she can do so much better and leave me#lol i really hope one day the way i behave isn't dominated by my fear of people leaving#fuck i miss home suddenly#my sister is definitely going abroad on like jan 13th#im trying to hold onto hating her because of thr last fight we had but i know it's paper thin#i don't know how to cope with it so i was just hoping that if i stay mad at her then her leaving will hurt less#but like fuck she doesn't even care she's so much more older and wiser and fulfilled in life na and im suddenly crying now wow#i really wish this period would just come instead of a like a week long pms
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i hate that this website has location based ads now like it's one thing to promote the local grocery store chain to me but i am seeing ads for my workplace now :/
#stop it......#i don't want to go back but this is the last sick day i can reasonably take#i probably should've gone back today but i told them when i was still feeling worse that i wasn't coming in.......#ohhhh i dread going in tomorrow so much. i don't even dislike this job i just hate being somewhere everyday#each day feeling its meaninglessness...... my meaninglessness in the space.......... the repetition and redundancy#selling people who don't need to be there things that they don't need#standing all day long just fucking bored#hoping that enough has happened since i've been gone that people can fill me in#ugggh because it's soooo boring but stressful to have to generate conversation with the same people every day#when nothing new ever happens#and i get sick of everybody even the people that i like and i don't really think anybody likes me that much either#i guess i felt this when i worked there part time but because i only had to be there part time it wasn't this constant gnawing feeling#and they didn't have me in the shop all the time....... this schedule is fucking killing me#i walk there i stand all day and i walk home#that's one of the reasons i haven't come back in yet - i was so dizzy and nauseous that the idea of standing all day was like.#i obviously can't fucking do that even if i would otherwise feel well enough to come in#if i had a sitting job then it wouldn't matter if i was a little dizzy#but getting back and forth to work and then standing for 8 hours. even when i'm feeling well it's kind of a lot#idk i guess i'm pretty unhappy with this job and where i am in life etc but i can't quit rn because what else would i do#there's literally job of this type that is going to pay as well and have good benefits#and i'm not qualified yet for the type of work i hope to do in the future#so i just gotta wait it out but it feels like. endless.#sigh anyway i'm just lazy lol#all this is to say. stop putting ads for my workplace on my dash lol i don't need to see all that
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Various recent pictures of things
#or.. recent ISH.. this was still a few months ago lol#photo diary#EEEee... it's like over 45 minutes away from where I live but I finally found an arcade to go to that's not like entirely in the city and#is less busy. I went like the second they opened at 11:55am on a tuesday while school was still in. So there was basically no other people#there aside from like 5 staff. + wearing high quality KN95 mask and limiting my time there to under 1hr..#Also this was before the current summer covid surge happening since June in the US. so... I got to do One Single safe activity for once lol#skee ball my beloved.....#I actually don't like a lot of arcade games so I basically just spent 70% of the time doing skeeball ghjbjh#But I did weirdly like that pearl themed machine.. even though its one of those foolish games where you just drop items#and hope that they build up enough to let coins fall. like very boring not skill based or etc. But the Aesthetics of it.. I was drawn#to.. I wanted to crack the glass open and harvest the smooth white orbs from inside.. it would have been even cooler if they were#actually pearlescent in some way. but the round bubbly design and the blue and white water and shell theme entranced me#I love air hockey also but this machine was really flat and weird. like not enough air was pumping and the puck was very cheap and flimsy#An afterschool daycare place I went to once as a child had an air hockey machine that they would allow kids limited use to sometimes#and the air was always BLASTING up from the table so much that you could lay on it and it was like being hit by a slight breeze. and the#puck was very hefty and more of a satisfying clunk when you shot it around. I mastered skee ball with two arms#where I would load up a game on two machines right next to each other and throw one ball with my left hand to the left machine and one#with my right to the other and still got an okay ish score on both lol. But I do forget arcades can be very sensory overwhelming like#bright lights and noises and stuff.. walking past every blinking machine chirping at me like SHUT UP I'm trying to get to SKEE BALL#leave me ALONNEE. ghjhb... ANYWAY.. other stuff.. some images of clouds as usual.. a quaint little breakfaste#of eggs. pickled onions. grapes strawberries. and some turkey bacon. Also ofcourse Cat In Weird Position image.#he's always sitting with his legs stretched out funny#I kind of hate arcades on principle since much is a waste of money and time and many games are rigged (especially claw games) where#theres like some Illusion of Skill but so much of it is just random. I simply do not have the patience for that sort of thing. And usually#all the stuff you can win is bad anyway. BUT I also love active games.. if there was a place where I could JUST play skee ball. ddr.#air hockey. and like games where you have to aim at stuff (shooting games. wack a mole. etc.) then I would go there instead.#Active Games Only arcade. It bothers me sometimes to have to walk past all the scammy games to get to the decent ones lol..#Begone.. Out of my site at once... wretched claw machines.. and those things where you try and stop a light or whatever
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not my online friend trying to have the "not all zionists" conversation with me rn
#we've talked about palestine before and she always takes the most centrist version of israel's side she possibly can lmao#i try very hard to never discuss politics with her but she is literally always the one bringing it up and it throws all my affection for he#out the window. like babe.... i'm jewish... you're not.... why are we even having this conversation besides you trying to prove smth#like an informal conversation is not the place for a fucking political debate and if you're not gonna recognize my pov#why am i even still friends with you.#it does make me genuinely sad but if i have to have this conversation again i may well and truly just block her#like she apparently has another jewish friend who seems to side heavily with zionist values (lol) but still acts like a centrist#so ik that's where she's getting the majority of her viewpoints from and it's so fucking grating like you're talking to another jew rn#why would i ever want to support nationalism of any kind when that's what lead to the fucking holocaust#why would you ever be lenient on a group of people who are actively commiting a genocide#i seriously just. like it makes me sick to my stomach that i even have someone in my life who doesn't get it#and i don't even know what to say like my 'i don't wanna be mean to a friend' shit is taking over#especially when she's not the kind of person i can just say anything to. we're not close like that unfortunately#so i've just been in limbo hoping she isn't gonna talk about it but i'm gonna have to put aside our friendship if she does this again#bc i'm not gonna be friends with someone who outright doesn't listen to me saying that my own people commiting a genocide hurts me#just because she wants to be one of those 'well this 'conflict' shouldn't be happening bc it's hurting innocent people :('#this is why i hate having any convos about this with people who haven't been politically engaged with palestine before the end of last yr#like my brother also doesn't fully get the scope of it but at least HE knows that israel (and even the concept of it) is evil and racist#sigh.
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