#I honestly don't know what I'm going to be doing with them all lmao
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Wizard 101 Dashboard Simulator (set in arc 1)
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⛈️ fuckfizzles Follow
Hot take but I shouldn't see any life wizards hogging all the health wisps after almost dying in a dungeon for the 50th time. Don't yall have your decks full of nothing but healing spells already 🙄
⚖️ bladesprinter Follow
why is it always the fizzle-addicts being lifephobic
⛈️ fuckfizzles Follow
Why's it always wizards from the weakest schools crying about schoolphobia
⚖️ bladesprinter Follow
mad because you fizzled again arent you
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🐉 dragon-theseballs Follow
what's this opaque wizard doing running around dragonspyre lmao
🧭 spiralexplorer38 Follow
OP are you......are you not opaque?
🐉 dragon-theseballs Follow
um.....no??? i'm translucent like everyone else
🎇 lenora-bitchcrow Follow
Is someone gonna tell them
🐉 dragon-theseballs Follow
TELL ME WHAT
🐮 mooooooooooshu Follow
How familiar are you with the name Malistaire?
🐉 dragon-theseballs Follow
i think he was a year or two above me in the academy??? what does he have to do with anything????
🐈 marleyboner Follow
im just gonna leave this link for you op: https://spiralpedia.com/malistaire/dragonspyre
🐉 dragon-theseballs Follow
I'M DEAD???????
⛲️ wysting-away Follow
HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW
🔫 undeadstalker Follow
how is a ghost using spiralblr
🐉 dragon-theseballs Follow
i'm translucent, not incorporeal idiot. and sorry it was kinda hard to tell when EVERYONE in my world ghosted at the same time.
✨️ chad-dickbringer Follow
I FINALLY FOUND THIS POST
⏳️ spiralingdownwardsfast Follow
Oh my titan I only ever saw this post in wandcaps
⛰️ goatedonmooshu Follow
need an update from op on how theyre handling being dead
🐉 dragon-theseballs Follow
i still don't get why some ghosts get to be mysteriously hooded by a shroud and im just translucent me.
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🦋 ladyorielfan23 Follow
Honestly DNI if you support the Young Wizard. Since when is murdering banshees okay just because they're hanging out outside?
🌿 bearingclaws Follow
Imagine being so privileged you don't have to worry about being literally killed every time you leave your home because of Malistaire
🦋 ladyorielfan23 Follow
I'm literally from colossus boulevard. And you know what? We made peace with the gobblers instead of just killing them for wanting a place to stay
🧨 themiddleagedwizard Follow
Ohhhhh my titans. You know WHO made peace with the gobblers FOR you? The young wizard. Anti yws don't even know how much they've done for them.
🦋 ladyorielfan23 Follow
Even if that were true, you telling me to shut up and be grateful a crazed child solider is slaughtering hundreds of people when I never asked them to do that is not helping your case lmao
🌿 bearingclaws Follow
It's always wizards from peaceful zones critiquing the young wizard and forgetting that we're literally IN A WAR. I don't even think the young wizard has a choice in it because they are literally a minor. Complain to ambrose about it but don't hate on people who are finally getting to experience some peace after malistaire completely fucked their lives over.
🦋 ladyorielfan23 Follow
Whatever keep relying on a child solider to fix all your problems but don't be surprised if they get addicted to all that killing and become the next malistaire
🧨 themiddleagedwizard Follow
You CANNOT seriously be comparing the young wizard to malistaire i
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❄️ iceytears Follow
being a goth but not a necromancer is so funny. sorry for the confusion I can't actually raise ghouls from the dead I just know that black eyeliner is hot.
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🐴 diegosdick-andballs Follow
at this point whoevers going to save the spiral is gonna come from some dumb world named dirt or some shit
🦄 uniquelymyway Follow
The original date of this post is crazy
🐴 diegosdick-andballs Follow
I forgot about this post holy shit?!
🍖 gobblinthatass Follow
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🛡 meetmeatthearena Follow
I know that ambrose isn't a deathphobe but it's very funny how from an outsider's perspective it definitely looks that way. Like welcome to my academy here's all these beautiful buildings and trees for the other schools meanwhile the death school is just like. Hole.
🎩 strongermarleyboner Follow
op casually forgetting the balance school exists
🛡 meetmeatthearena Follow
I don't think ambrose even knows the balance school exists
4,346 notes
👻krokpenceee Follow
Introducing Krokpenceee Heals
So I noticed how unhappiness can really plague us. Sometimes the spiral throws so many hit spells at us. It prevents us from being happy and free-spirited. I really want to reach out and help people break free of certain negative patterns in their lives, so I’ve created Krokpenceee Heals. I am an extremely intuitive and empathetic individual. I will never judge or disclose any of your problems to anyone. I will help you transcend confusion, and self-limiting beliefs so that you can be the best version of yourself.
🔥 dragula-fireblade Follow
aren't you the krok whose family owns a mander slave
12.4k notes
🍑 youngwizard-official Follow
malistaire's not gonna know what's coming when i hit him with my massive dong
🎃 darkcavelurker Follow
why is this the only post on the young wizard's tumblr
🧵 stitchbitchly Follow
Probably too busy doing the gangnum style over the corpses they create
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aww yeah ep 20 GOOD
I guess I do (very casual, broadstroke) episode commentaries now, halfway through the show lmao. Spoilers below!!
Bai Jiu BETRAYAL?
Wen Xiao WANTED?
Zhuo Yichen DETECTIVE-ING?
Ying Lei BACK?
*crowd cheers*
The dots are connecting like crazy with the big bad's whole inner core crusade and also with the simultaneous demon case like I did not recognize Ao Yin as the demon Li Lun first released eight years ago but oooh do I enjoy that minor payoff.
Love the repeated use of the demonic-spell-restraining sigils now that we've been introduced to them, though I wonder why the Bureau doesn't ever seem to make use of them. Maybe they don't deal with enough powerful demons to need to paint those in their own (very empty) dungeon? Or perhaps just plot convenience.
Anyway I kind of wish in the Chongwu Camp dungeon PSJ fought a little bc she's so cool in action and their bailing was a little abrupt, but it makes sense that they'd have an immediate getaway plan. Also this is an ep 19 comment but that line Mr. 3-Face Mask delivered about PSJ being fated to always be betrayed by her little brother(s) HURT. So good.
Back to the Bureau, I do love me a good framing, and I'm also happy to get a tiny bit of the episodic demon-murder-case style back. WX was v clever to hide out in Situ Mansion, and (small detail but) I appreciate that the others catch her up on the Bai Jiu thing onscreen. As an aside, I also like that the actress for WX got to be double-casted even just briefly. Seeing some of the actors get to play around with portraying various extremes in characterization and costuming is a ton of fun.
And then yay Bai Jiu backstory at last~! It's crazy how much that blood moon fucked up everyone's lives eight years ago huh.
Everything ZYC says to him is on point (and honestly, ZYC is really quite adept at comforting others, he just sucks utter ass at it when it's his fault and he has to apologize lmaooo) but of course my favorite scene in the whole episode is as follows:
The very slight shine in the waterline, the bittersweet smile/grimace as, deliberately or not, ZYC's words indirectly echo everything about the circumstances between the two of them right now??? Whew. They did that for me specifically.
Anyway, this was a good one to chew on for me, packed with plot movement enough that I didn't feel unsatisfied with just one episode. I'm glad that so far it seems like the release schedule bears in mind what episodes should be watched in pairs for maximum effect (eps 16/17, 18/19 specifically) and which ones are okay to stand alone for the day, but I also don't want to speak too soon haha. We'll see how ep 21 fares.
Also since this is a ZYC stan account (lmao) I have some obligatory ZYC thoughts that I haven't managed to fit anywhere else. I've been meaning to comment on this for a while now and was reminded by this episode: I love the fact that ZYC actually smiles quite often. I think it's a bit surprising every time he does because he so easily fits the archetype of stoic broody action hero, but it really is just an archetype he's fit himself into, and it's never clearer than when they flash back to smiley baby!ZYC (how freely and purely he used to give those smiles away...).
On the other side of this is also how caustic and biting he can be with his words, whether sarcastically or otherwise, and how clearly his face telegraphs his emotions in general. I love that he actually emotes quite a lot and isn't cold and unaffected in the least, just pouty frowny and awkward.
The last piece to this for me is probably his age (which I very much appreciated being established super early on) and how convincingly TJR portrays him as young and inexperienced and extremely earnest. He's so sincere in everything he does that it really doesn't take much to move him, which also (imo) makes his arc less overdone.
We all know from the start what direction his development will likely go, how he'll learn he's mistaken about ZYZ and how he'll grow to have a more nuanced view of the world as he creates more bonds with others. But he's so emotional and emotionally aware that it doesn't really take much push and pull to get him there. And actually, it's not untread ground to him—he is moreso thawing, in part returning to the open-hearted nature that he had to very abruptly shutter away rather than fundamentally changing as a person. I think to me, that makes his character more compelling to watch because his cynicism about the world is perhaps the least sincere thing about him. It's entirely learned, and not by choice. Relatable.
#fangs of fortune#zhuo yichen#fangs of fortune spoilers#spoilers#tian jiarui#episode commentary#meta
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why are you, as an adult in 2024, still hung up on reylo. why are you still mocking the shippers. why do you believe yourself to be superior only because you dislike a stupid ship from a fucking space fairytale. girl (gnc) get a grip
#it's ridiculous. this ship is... stupidly cliché. like if you know fandoms at all#you could easily guess why people would be into it. hello?? have you tried to watch tfa without your hate-on-kyle-ron goggles?#did you watch their scenes together? you don't have to like something to recognize the hints#hell. at the time i didn't really like jonerys but i realized they were going to be a thing when i read agot in 2011#like folks. it's been nearly TEN LONG YEARS. let it go. LET IT FUCKING GOOOO#and for the lucy/cooper shippers out there who think reylos are (again) delusional when they compare the two ships:#no. *you* are being delusional only because you think reylo is unsexy and uncool (which is your right to think btw. obv)#if you can't see why someone would like both of these pairings for similar reasons... idk what to say honestly#people compared it to hannigram... honestly. again i see why they would appeal to anyone who's into both ships#i really do. but... unpopular opinion (since i'm more of a clannibal fan than i could ever be of reylo):#they are more similar to reylo than will/hannibal. there i said it#i'm not talking about the writing (admittedly the quality of it was questionable). i'm talking about tropes#never mind that imo the ghoul is more akin to vader than kylo but whatever#hannibal is an unapologetic kind of villain. he's not gonna have a redemption arc and that's okay#cooper is an antivillain who used to be a good man and became a disfigured cruel bastard. a parody of himself#lucy is him. him before the bombs dropped before he discovered the person he trusted the most wanted to commit genocide#nice. moral. polite. infused with the Good Old American Values™. he's basically her dark side#all of this is very hannigram/clannibal. i'm not denying it at all#but what'll likely happen is that lucy's actions will have a positive influence on the ghoul and remind him of what it means to be a man#and that's way more reylo-like. sorry.#beauty&thebeast/villain with some hidden good in him+morally righteous heroine/enemies to lovers etc.#i mean. hello??..... having said that. i'm not so much of a reylo shipper anymore and tbh never was. i really liked it at the time#but i was never fond of the st era. my fav characters are vader and leia and revan from the old eu. just saying#*and* it's also not impossible lucy gets darker with the ghoul as her traveling companion. in fact i wouldn't dislike it at all#if done well i mean#but i would still like for people to be intellectually honest and less puerile. god knows i have my notps#but i really don't give a fuck about the shippers. good for them i guess? i have better taste lmao but that's heavily subjective#val rambles in the tags#val speaks#txt
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roleplay idea: barton's trying to say this BS that he's 'good at processing grief' when your muse was a witness to the absolute rage-filled and deranged rampage that barton went on after julien was killed by the joker in which he brutally hurt all but one of his henchmen (he killed the last one because he told him he was 'crazy' and that he 'better kill him, or he was going to tell his boss that barton had been there' and he literally just snapped, went 'you know what, i think i will kill you AND also let the joker know i killed you so he knows to never come near my family again' then killed him. like HUHHH?) at the time with your muse being like this
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#ooc post.#yeahhh 💀 man i wish i was joking about this you all but he really did put like three men in the hospital and killed one of them so...#he is NOT good at processing grief at all SKSKS and yeah the fact that they chose to ally themselves with the joker probably does say-#something about their own character but i don't condone violence or murder so it's still wrong even if they were... terrible 🫠#no but barton was honestly looking for someone else to blame besides himself for julien's death so he basically went to all of these-#henchmen and grilled them + asked them all whether they knew anything about how the joker was planning to kill his son#anddd when they all answered him with a 'no' was when thing's uhhh. Got violent 😬 like just imagine being one of barton's kids-#and mourning the loss of your brother in a normal albeit sad way on your own but then barton comes back home covered in blood-#+ it's obviously not his... like i don't even know if i'd want to ask him what the hell he just did because while barton is in mourning-#or grieving you do NOT want to be near him if you are the one that caused the death in question because you will get your-#shit rocked let me tell you ☠️ like the only reason why barton didn't kill the joker himself is BC he knew that that would attract-#batman's ire like nothing else and he does NOT want that smoke as much as barton hates him LMAO but DC muses... just to let you know-#or really any type of muse that interacts with him but those who are close to him in particular i would not touch a hair on any of his#family members head unless you want to have someone after you + i swear i'm not saying that to be edgy or anything BC ever since i#first mentioned that barton is always this 🤏 close to going off of the deep end even more than he already is i was not joking at all ASDFGH#tw: mentions of violence#tw: mentions of murder#tw: mentions of child death
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last rb stressed me out lowkey akakska i had an ex like that and it became a self fulfilling prophecy kinda thing..
#like oof where do i even begin#for one... would recommend looking up what pedestalling is so u can catch urself when ur doing it.#and. hm. honestly even working on self worth n whatnot i think rly internalizing not 2 pedestal ppl cuts out a lot of self sabotage#like hello ppl in ur life r there bc they choose to be. you are worth it to them and they are showing u that w action.#u gotta be vulnerable.. u gotta trust in other ppl.. cautious optimism is fine but 😮💨😮💨#i hate when ppl assume what im thinking and feeling and act upon that. assumptions on assumptions.#my mom was like that in a mean spirited vindictive way. my ex would spiral if i took too long to respond stressed as hell#thinking that i had all these horrible thoughts about her or that i was just using her like holy shit I'm just sitting here drawing ajsjka#i am trying to make friends. i am recovering from my own personal circumstances and trying to figure myself out etc.#was also actively working on finding myself as a trans woman bc it was so early in my transition.#idk. like damn ppl have Lives‚ hobbies‚ other ppl they talk to‚ they take time for themselves.#if u don't know and ur stressed about it‚ ask..? but then believe ppl when they answer idk.#sorry.. I've annoyed myself lmao. it was wild... things were dead simple on my end but she came up w hella things she swore HAD to have bee#true and after breaking up w her she kept DMing me w long ass self deprecating vents and mischaracterisations#i had to block her after a while like 😐 u ever see somebody go to therapy and get worse somehow#i cannot fw people who have low self esteem anymore but like i sympathize from a distance lol#hello from the other side of the interaction... self love/worth is hard but please try#ur mischaracterization of ppl based on assumptions is hurting them and it will alienate ppl n push them away#and then become a sort of self fulfilling prophecy.. but also take what I'm saying w a grain of salt 🤷🏾♀️#i just have my personal experiences
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Heya! Hope you’re doing okay ❤️
well, i didn't cry today (and more importantly didn't cry at work in front of everybody) so I'm taking that as a sign that things are getting better...I hope 😅
#suuuuuuuuuuper awkward moment when i just started crying yesterday as one of my employees came up to me#(not one of the ones who went to HR)#and she was like 'uhm are you okay' and then i just told her to ask me what she needed to ask me lmao#god i'm just so embarassed that i cried so much this week#esp cause like. i hope it's not some sort of idk defense mechanism?#like did i just start busting out crying cause oh no my boss found out i'm not doing my job so i'm just gonna cry so she doesn't yell at me#or something like that and then keep crying to garner pity#cause that's certainly not my intention at all#i know i fucked up. badly. i'm not donig the job i SHOULD be doing#and was focusing on things i shouldn't focus on...especially like having my techs do their actual jobs#but that's my fault for not laying down the law#for not training them right in the first place for not giving them the proper expectations of what their job entails#but then they're crying that they're overwhelmed which hurts to hear when i see them disappearing just to come back with a cup of coffee#or talking to people across the building when there's no reason for them to be up there#or sitting on their phones while things pile up to be done#and then like my boss is now jumping in and is going to meet with them next week#and inserting herself and two of my other co-workers into the picture to help#which like yeah i need help. a lot of help. but they all have their own jobs#hell there's things my boss does really i should probably be doing#so knowing all of that and again just feeling like a failure at my job makes me feel even worse#like i'm not carrying my weight for the team--i've honestly never felt i have since i became supervisor#i don't think i'm meeting the expectations as a supervisor#as a tech? yeah i was a BEAST and maybe should have never applied for the supervisor job#and i even already told my boss long term career? def not in management for me lol and if i can get out of the supervisor job i will#but i would still want to stay with my boss and co-workers cause we're all trauam bondeded at this point from this workplace#but hey if the worst thing that comes out of this crisis is me getting fired for not doing my job maybe it'll be for the best#..........that's not making me feel any better though
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my problematic gender truth is that i actually feel no attachment to either of the two binary gender constructs. it just like. makes no sense to me. i've got my own unrelated thing going on. but in the absence of connection to either choice i really do find it more convenient to cosplay closer to the one that people treat like a human being
#have never liked being a girl. but that's not really out of like. any kind of desperation to be anything else.#i don't care about being a man literally at all in fact the idea is kind of uncomfortable to me. cause i'm not a man#but being perceived as a woman is such orders of magnitude worse...#testosterone is awesome cause transsexuality is so fucking hot no matter what#but like. dysphoria is so fucking weird when there's not even rll anything i'm trying to pass as. i complain ab not passing but i'm not#like. putting my all into it. i go out looking like i do and i know i'm not reading Man i don't give a fuck.#but yet... holding myself back from fun makeup looks... from skirts even... cause knowing that someone sees me as a woman is Awful#like. dehumanizing even. viscerally uncomfortable.#idk. for me it connects to a lack of respect. girls will treat me nice no matter what and i don't think i read as a girl To Girls#vague gay person energy that just makes them say 'slay' around me too much. so not a Boy to them but i'll play gbf whatevs whatevs#starting a conversation with a man and being able to immediately tell that they see me as a woman fucking Sucks though.#many people are normal and so this is not an issue <3 and even if they don't see me as a man it's like whatever <3#but many people. well.#I Can Tell You Don't Respect Me. Could You Treat Me Like A Tranny At Least#disgust would be better honestly. long sigh though#every trans person i meet says i pass like hell. cis people continue to be blind and fucking stupid though#i read as a boy to ai now lmao i get the boy results on filters. so it's something wrong with the real life cissies i think#valentine notes
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me when i ship zhaohan 😔 there's next to no content unless i'm just not looking in the right spots
be the change you want to see in the world my man.... if i can trick people into thinking masadai is real then i know you can rally the troupes with them lovable goobers......
#snap chats#zhao and yeonsu ARE cute to me tho thats the thing. theyre so sillay#i dont have many ideas with them but i love drawing them together when i get the motivation#i love drawing zhao and joon-gi honestly since Like Ichi i draw them kinda differently from everyone else#/kinda differently/ zhao's a foot tall motherfucker#BUT NO with joon-gi i want him to be a bishounen protag... so it's fun giving him all those sparklies and anime energy...#tho it'd be more appropriate to go for a manhwa art style huh#something to practice me thinks...#REGARDLESS i believe in you anon..... get that propaganda flowing you'll gather a small group in no time...#if you're sick enough in the head <- me#oh but if you arnet confident or know what to do yet !!!! pixiv and twitter generally has a good amount of art for them#i know i happen upon zhao and joon-gi art when i scroll through twitter sometimes#of course you have to follow eastern artists but they ALWAYS have The Best And Most Delicious Shit#they never miss they're the only artists i follow on twitter im p sure LMAO#if you don't know what artists to follow on twitter though pixiv's your best friend#some people are scared of her but not me...... i'm too numb to everything... plus she does have a LOT of good stuff there#'趙ハン' is the zhaohan tag on there. there's 101 works but i know not every thing is tagged sometimes#like a lot of arakawa fam stuff isn't tagged 'arakawa family' or even 'arakawa'- just generally 'yakuza' or 'rgg' and stuff like that#just gotta do a lil digging my friend ! best of luck to you ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶
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Shifting Diary - 1 (11/12/23)
Thought I'd start one of these. Not starting off at the absolute best point in time, I must admit, but... Here we go.
(Below the cut so it's not hell to scroll through.)
Put on a shifting subliminal last night (2am this morning) and just... Fell asleep to it. Didn't try any methods or anything. Just focused on passing out.
Then, since I was slightly stressed this morning, I ended up actively attempting to shift again for... Maybe a few hours? I was in and out of sleep and those hours included maybe three attempts? Two and a half?
I can't say I was particularly focused. I was partly trying to shift to my usual DR and partly just trying to shift to a version of my CR that's not as... Hectic, I suppose?
I was laying there counting and affirming and staring at the backs of my eyelids. Nothing special. Theoretically you could say 'oh Julia method' or 'oh Raven method' or whatever in terms of general structure, but it has been a long while since I've simply done a method I found online. It's been 'random bullshit go' for months at this point.
I switched between three subliminals as I went from one attempt to the next, sort of going off vibes, mostly to block out the noise in my CR. However, I did notice that when listening to them, I would fall into this... Slightly dizzy state for a little while. I had my eyes shut and it felt like the world around me was gently spinning.
Could've been my awful sleep schedule catching up with me, to be fair. Did not sleep for long enough.
There were also points where my awareness of various parts of my body would change. Obviously, limbs going numb, which is what typically happens when you haven't moved in a while. There was a point where I was awfully aware of specifically my fingertips, specifically of my left hand, against the mattress, so much so to where it was difficult to think of anything else, while the rest of my hand was almost completely numb. Not had that one happen before, I do admit.
There were a few points where I lost focus on my body entirely but I have no idea how aware I was at those points. I think I might be remembering instances right before falling briefly asleep - which is a testament to my tiredness because I only fall asleep on my back when completely sleep deprived.
I've also been trying to focus more on the backs of my eyelids when I do actively attempt to shift. I don't get much in the way of impressions or images - especially today, since I could see the light from outside dimming and brightening because it was fucking morning lmao - but I do get ever so slightly brighter patches against whatever the brightness of the general backdrop is, quite blurry and indistinct but still clear enough to be able to intuitively link what I'm seeing to a specific concept without thinking about it. They fade in and out quite a bit.
There was a point where it felt like I was seeing the light from behind a door - as in, the door was open a crack and I could see the light through that crack. I unfortunately got a bit too eager and tried to mentally reach out, completely reflexively, to open the door wider, which made the entire thing fade. Need to focus on just observing rather than trying to interact whenever anything even mildly interesting happens.
My main takeaway is mostly to let myself watch rather than act. As much as the impressions are... Impressions - not necessarily linked to shifting - I do feel like entertaining whatever my mind happens to bring up once I'm in a relaxed state can't do me any harm.
And breathing exercises are fucking great. 4-3-5 and 7-6-8 both completely calm me down after a little while. From there, it is finding something to keep my focus on that doesn't drag me back into my CR, which is affirmations or visualising (sight and sound only, thanks) or daydreaming, or some combination thereof. Obviously since I was semi-panicking today wasn't a particularly engaged experience lmao, but hopefully that all gets sorted by tonight and I can either take a rest day or have an attempt unencumbered by whatever the fuck is happening in my CR.
#spending probably years of my life just daydreaming at this point makes the whole 'oh just observe don't interact thing' heinously difficult#also makes visualisation difficult - when i am 'listening' to someone move around the space i'm in#i end up 'watching' them in 3rd person. because i'm so used to omniscient 3rd person when daydreaming#really hard to have someone sit downstairs in a visualisation reading. i keep imagining what book they're reading and all that#when i would have no way of knowing lmao#completely drags me out of it#also doomed to forever want to go first person as the person who's the most active in the scenario#rather than keeping to my dr self lmao#on a similar note - trying to include touch? mate - whenever i try to feel a physical sensation in my lil scenario#i get yoinked back into my cr body lmao#it's sight and sound and that's honestly all i can do for ya. sense of smell's always been awful#taste functions similarly to physical sensation - 'welcome back to your cr you clown'#and touch. already mentioned and explained#i think i try too hard with the sense of touch tbh. that's the issue#i have Rambled in these notes woops. most of this is entirely unrelated to the post lmao#shifting realities#shiftblr#reality shifting#reality shifter#[𝓇𝒶𝓂𝒷𝓁𝒾𝓃𝑔 - 𝓈𝒽𝒾𝒻𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒹𝒾𝒶𝓇𝓎]
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Also I think its time for me to come clean but I know very little about k!pyros lore but wants to find out more but also don't have time or attention spam to watch
No that's so fair I'll be honest if I weren't so fucking autistic about some of the ksmp characters I would not have the attention span or capacity to pay attention to ksmp LOL
I like to think I understand k!pyro like some of the best out of everyone and Jack would probably vouch for that but I cannot for the life of me sit and explain lore
#Yes I could explain Linc's so far pretty easily LMAO but like others not rly#K!pyro's lore timeline I could not explain in full I wouldn't immediately remember everything#There are some big things I could go over briefly but smaller things I would forget#Honestly with ksmp if you know/understand general characters you can be an enjoyer enough . Imo#Like fuck knowing the lore I think it's fun if you just like the characters cause look#Ksmp is at a good time only for Americans I think . It's at 8 pm EST.#If you don't watch from the start of s1 you're fucked on lore unless you can sit through the VOD channel#There's no good guide to watching the VODs up to the current point because not all POVs are necessary to watch really#So it's hard to properly get into atp like very hard#So if people don't know lore I DON'T BLAME THEM.#And the community doesn't help I'm sorry do not listen to 90% of what people say.#Just listen to me. Honestly. Literally don't ask anyone else about lore. They'll just talk about clownzy.#I'm deadass they will find a way to make everything about Clown or the Branzy cameo (HE'S NOT COMING BACK.)#Ignore them .#Anyways all that to say. I support ksmp enjoyers who don't know the fucking lore for 90% of it#It's not easy LMAO#Stream-only lore is hard for me to stay with and that's why I adore ksmp being in relatively short sessions on a consistent schedule#Every Saturday 8 PM EST unless something comes up. It's spaced out it's consistent it's a great schedule#In principle. The time is not great for Everyone sadly#Hell it's awful for basically all of the cast it's mostly Aussies waking up at like 8 in the morning#《👾》
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me @ me "you're supposed to be editing and making it shorter and more concise and not adding a bunch of new paragraphs and words to the damn thing so shut the fuck UUUUUUPPPPPPP" while working on writing the next chapter of goomt challenge
#ches writes#goomt#:3c dontcha guys just LOVE me when i do this :3cccccccc?????????????#yeah. i sure do love me too <3 i'm having a blast :) (no i'm not. omg me shut uUUPPPPPPPPP LMAOOO)#(ME @ ME UR WORSE THAN H A R R Y SOMETIMES STFUUUUUUUUUUUUU)#im sorry gang. i just like to want to be able to tell a story 😔 gomen nasai minna-sans 😔😔😔😔😔🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏#yet this is my Curse to Bear; so SUCK IT (@ me @ me @ u @ me)#(no rly i pwomis i'm working on it LOL)#(i unfortunately just have to Write Out A Bunch Of Words before i can Start To Cut Them All Out (Again™️))#THAT'S ALL#lmao maybe One Day i'll try to keep and release The Writing Process#and show what the original states of a previous chapter of GOOMT looks like before the Final Product goes out lol#idk would u guys like that?? would u like to see it?? Asking Honestly ngl#and no harm done if not <3 For Real tho my feelings won't be hurt it's just a Curiosity of mine :3c#anyway BYE i gotta go grab me some more Energy Dranks 😩😔#(i subside mostly on Adderall; frozen pizzas from Target; and Lots of Energy Drinks. idk does it show?? LOL#(don't answer that it's rhetorical i know that it does <333 I'M AN ARTIST AND A GEMINI OK. LIFE IS MY CHAOS))#and u all just get to Observe It <3 Lucky U LOL#ok byyyeeeee~~~
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Yknow sometimes I'm like "yeah I've made peace with my disability, it doesn't bother me anymore, I'm happy with my disabled life" but sometimes I'm like. Holy fuck I would literally kill myself in a heartbeat if it meant I'd be guaranteed a ""normal"" life next time.
#having a rough day lmao#trying not to freak myself out over the possibilities of my heart and brain being so severely fucked up bcuz we're not doing anything abt it#like honestly I just wanna go to my doctor and ask for like. a brain scan and a heart scan and an MRI and and and#bcuz I can't take all this uncertainty and the possibilities for things going wrong#like in all reality I'm fine and I'm not gonna die any time soon right. but we haven't done anything to Prove that#and some of these symptoms are like. concerning. but everyone's just like nah ur fine you've always been like that#like it Has been years so realistically I should've died if it was Actually pressing. but there's still the chance it went downhill slowly#like there are so many compounding issues here and I can't tell left from right with them#idk what's normal and what's concerning bcuz I was basically medically neglected my entire life so I assume everything I experience is chill#when it very much is not. idk#idk man I'm just. like being disabled isn't inherently my problem ig. it's the fact that we don't know WHAT is making me disabled#I mean we have some working diagnoses but we haven't Tested anything so for all I know there's smth Serious that everyone's just. ignoring#armchair speaks#actually disabled#physically disabled#cripplepunk#tw suicide mention
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(I've had my chatty medicines so you get a post about this)
There is something distinctly and uniquely alienating and bizarre about hearing people say 'Easter Sunday is the most religious day of the year'. Like, when was this?? If it's so religious and so so so important, how come no one thought to tell me it was religious until like four or five years ago?
Yeah it's kinda funny but I'm also sat there every time like "what the fuck are you talking about". The assumption I was raised Christian and am Christian via culture is really funny though cause like. Bro I have no fucking clue what any of this stuff is about.
My parents never taught me the majority of this shit. Anyone else assumed I already knew about it. This Easter talk I've been hearing about a weird amount more than normal is all new to me and making me think of all this shit lmao
#no I'm not joking about only realising it was religious a handful of years back#but it IS weird to see people talk about what MUST be my default beliefs given my country and just#very little of it being true?? I don't see a lot of this talk at the moment I just heard my dad talking about easter and it got me thinking#so don't mind me really but like.#as an example of what I mean. its assumed christian cultures push the belief of going to heaven when you die#it's probably true! but not for me. I was raised to belief that when you died you became a star in the sky#specifically on the first night you were the brightest star in the sky so everyone could see you#APPARENTLY this is greek?? I dunno man but it's not heaven lmao#there were loads of little every day things I remember seeing a while back that were listed as this stuff too#and I don't remember them at all but there were only a few there that I recognised as my own beliefs#i feel like i was raised culturally... i guess blank? so I picked up my own beliefs over time??#does that make sense?? is that a thing?? actually wondering if it's just me that gets this#cause it was only two years ago I found out valentines was a saints thing#wondering if anyone else was just raised with a 'I dunno its whatever' thing instead of a culturally religious thing#cause it IS weird seeing posts treating this knowledge as something everyone has I dunno#but ANYWAY it's funny sitting there while people are stunned you didn't know about the 'most religious day of the year'#my mans my only religious experiences were very VERY brief and I was mostly annoyed I couldn't eat the gummy bears on the impaled orange#what in the fuck is that about btw??? honestly what's the deal with that one???#why is there a whole service revolving around an orange with a bunch of cocktail sticks in it???#I don't even remember when that was I think it was end of the year time or something???#there was nothing to do so obviously my child self wasn't interested at all in anything but the orange#I need to look this up now I guess but without the context I'm supposed to have apparently this genuinely sounds batshit insane#I don't remember what I was talking about imma hit post and forget this whole thing and not reread anything#firefly life#<- probably. I don't remember
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tag limit my beloathed... continuing my analysis of my potentially Sun x Moon coded ships here ↓
#Seven.txt#tag limit can't stop me cause i'll just make another post#anything to avoid having to put all my thoughts in the body of a post. too scary.#i like the illusion of speaking softly in privacy that talking in the tags provides me#anyways where were we#when i say Sun x Moon coded i'm not referring to Sun & Moon the FNaF characters. although they are definitely a prime & on the nose example#i just mean.. light & dark. upbeat & downbeat. loud & quiet. opposites. y'know? you know.#they don't even have to be blonde hair x black hair honestly. although that def helps. just personality can be enough#like. okay. i'm thinking about Jesus and Daryl. from TWD. don't laugh at me. hey. listen.#i think they could count on personality alone. like yeah visually theyre both. Brown. but Jesus is so chaotic and sunny!#at least compared to Daryl.. and i mean if u wanna get problematic with it you could replace Jesus with Beth but. eeeeeeh#i don't really ship them? they were definitely Something and S4EP12 is my favorite for a Reason but its not bc i ship them#not sexually at least. it's hard to ship Daryl with anyone sexually. for me. but i don't think it's romantic either#they're some secret third thing. whatever it is i think it's got a Sun x Moon dynamic nonetheless! okay uhhh who else...#not Shigaraki and Dabi popping up in my head.. the hell. i'm really scraping the bottom of the ship barrel now#neither of them are Sun coded in the slightest. where did that thought come from. anyways uhhh... OH#what about Karlach and Astarion!? ohhhh yeah yeah yeah i think she's Sun-coded in a fiery sense. and he's def Moon-coded#in spite of the white hair lmao. ohhh and the way he misses being in the sun??? do u see where im going with this. do u see my vision#okay who else. Dew and Rain??? fire and water... i think they could fit. but Dew being Sunny in the more fiery sense like Karlach#if i wanted to get real self-indulgent i could talk about Venti and Saoirse. they're deeefinetly Sun and Moon coded. which tracks lmao#of course my most dearly beloved permanent and personal ship is Sun & Moon coded. of course it is. Saoirse is just as Moon-coded as i am#obviously. even more actually cause they look the way i Want to look. and then Venti is def Sun-coded when we look at the mask he wears#which he hardly ever drops. so. it's almost permanent he's so committed to the bit. when he does drop it he's... hm. hmm.#he's too complex to fit it in these tags lmao. i best stop before i make myself wanna pick Heaven In Hiding back up#to circle back around to the podcast that started it all i suppose i'd be remiss not to mention Martin and Jon#they're very Sun & Moon methinks. at least the version of them that i've gathered from S1 and fanart/posts/spoilers#but doesn't Martin get... sucked into the Lonely or smthn. ohohoho perhaps the Sunny thing is just a front. like Venti! hm#many thoughts. head full of ships rn. but alas i'm hungry and running out of tags again so i'm gonna stop here#thanks for coming to my TED talk on Sun & Moon coded ships. i hope u learned as much about me as i've learned abt myself tonight#gonna go post the next chapter of AEIWNF. make food. and uhhh... rotate Gerry in my mind some more lets be honest here
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Yall remember that post that goes like "I told my friend once that when I feel like I'm losing my mind I lay under my desk for a while. One such time I go under there and there is a slim Jim taped to the bottom of my desk with the note, "going insane all alone again?"" I think about it constantly especially when I am going insane
#I said that to my s/o once because he truly was going insane on a Wednesday afternoon all by himself#So I went and joined him because I'd rather be with him than him be alone honestly#So today when I was going insane all by myself I just kept that shit in and cried and felt bad#And I know it's because I didn't take my meds the last two days (ran out and was out late so I just got em today)#But I'm also like girl we gotta examine this... like those thoughts are clearly there you just don't give them juice#But they ARE there and what will we do with this information.... does it truly genuinely matter to me#I think it might. I feel guilty asking my s/o for anything bc I feel like he shouldn't waste extra energy on my mess#He has enough going on. But the way I feel is. Negative. And a few words from him would help abate this henceforth#For lack of a better way to phrase it lmao#Ugh.... I feel so guilty. Maybe I'll ask tomorrow when I see him. Text feels cheap to me
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as far as jack could tell, jervis was really out of it; and it made him wonder it was due to something that had happened while he was out with his father, or when they'd gotten here. perhaps both. jack gnawed on his bottom lip, his eyes darting to jervis's hands, which were flexing like he was struggling with something. an eyebrow rose as jack contemplated asking whether he needed some pain medication.
since he didn't receive an answer to his question yet, jack figured he might as well introduce himself. ❝ uhh, well, you don't have to talk to me if you aren't feeling up to it. my sister told me that you fainted in front of her out there — so, i understand if you're still feeling sick. my name is jack, ❞ he scratched at the back of his neck as he continued to observe jervis. whenever the man tried to get up, jack approached him and was about to caution jervis that maybe he shouldn't by lightly touching his shoulder.
but he remembered matilda telling him something about the other really not liking to be touched, so he merely was going to verbally tell him. up until jervis laid back down himself, anyhow. jack couldn't hold himself back from frowning at his poor present state before venturing out of the room with a 'i'll be right back.' and indeed he had been, with two different vials, alongside a few syringes to inject into that IV bag: should jervis want to be medicated. jack figured it'd be easier to just do that rather than forcing him to swallow anything.
he placed those also on the table before tilting his head at the quote jervis had said until it clicked a few seconds later, ❝ that's a quote from through the looking glass, isn't it? and one that the red queen said in the story if i remember correctly. she was basically teaching alice that staying in the same place is falling behind, right? ❞ jack squinted his eyes at that before a thought came to mind. a soft snort left him, but one that was done of an innocent sort of amusement rather than malice. ❝ that is a kind of roundabout way of talking about survival of the fittest. but hey, lewis carroll was all about the whimsy of things, i guess. and its no big deal. ❞
jack pretended not to see the tears that the other shed for jervis's own sake. the blood on his lips was something he couldn't ignore, no matter how hard he tried, though. jack grabbed a washcloth from his pack and held it out towards's jervis's hand. once it was out of his hand was when jack set down that teacup, the slightly too long stripped pants he wore swaying across the ground. ❝ mm, you and dad were both asleep for nearly four hours. sure — i don't think that's silly at all. i keep something on me all the time from when my brother, julien, was still around. ❞ the bracelet he showed the other on his right wrist then seemed to be made up entirely of tiny conch shells.
julien was a big fan of the sea, which jack thought made his death all the more crushing. after seeing the state that the stuffed animal was in, he figured that that bunny must've been really loved; though it didn't really matter by whom it was. the end result was the same, as love changes you. jack knew this well as he'd never wanted anything more than to be embraced by the warmth of it.
he quickly shook that thought off, only to grab the two vials he got from the fridge once more. ❝ eh... the four hours actually went by rather fast. ❞ jack cleared his throat then, ❝ you know, i couldn't help but notice that you aren't looking so hot still, and so i grabbed some meds for you. but i won't force you to take them. i have a pain reliever as well as something that relieves vertigo. are either, or both of these, something you want? ❞
Eigengrau.
A faint hum buzzed in his ears; his mouth was so dry it felt like he’d swallowed a wad of wool.
The thin sheet beneath him brushed his fingertips as Jervis flexed his hands, cracking his eyes open a sliver. The room tilted, everything blurring at the edges. Ah… so he had fainted. Just as he’d suspected. No glasses, then.
"Hey. Ahh, you're awake… That's awesome. How are you feeling?"
The new voice was barely a whisper, young and uncertain—belonging to a boy, maybe sixteen or eighteen by the timber. Was this another of Barton's assistants, a friend of Matilda’s, or perhaps her brother? Jervis couldn’t quite remember; hadn't Barton mentioned something about having more than one child?
He winced, his body feeling heavy, leaden; aching everywhere. Slowly, he exhaled and tried to push himself upright—tried being the keyword. The effort brought only a wave of vertigo, dizzying and blue-hot, making his vision swim.
… ohh, god…
He swallowed thickly, curling into himself. Something wasn’t right. His glasses and gloves weren’t the only thing missing. He was in his socks, jeans, and a now damp charcoal t-shirt, his body slick with cold sweat. His graying auburn curls clung to his neck in tangled ropes. His boots were beside the cot, his messenger bag on a desk across the room. His overcoat and maroon button-down were draped over a chair.
A flicker of discomfort in his right arm. Burning. Tugging.
Jervis glanced down at the source: a plastic tube. A peripheral IV catheter.
"Ah, you know... 'It takes all the running you can do, to stay in the same place,'" he muttered, his voice clipped and hollow; Bermudian accent casual, almost detached. He turned his eyes to the boy; offered him a faint, strained smile. "Keeps things interesting, I suppose... but I appreciate your concern, lad."
He lifted his fingers to his cheek, feeling the moisture trickle down—salt on his lips. Tears, sharp and stinging. Jervis flinched and quickly scrubbed them away with the heels of his hands.
Cold metal pressed into his spine, tight around his neck—the chain with his and Sylvie’s wedding rings twisted against his skin. He must’ve been thrashing in his sleep. There was blood on his lips.
"Forgive me…" His vision swam as he watched the boy set a teacup on the small table beside the cot, just within view. "But I'm afraid I've rather lost my sense of time. How long has it been since I…?" He paused, his voice barely steady. "... if... if you don’t mind, could you please reach into my coat pocket? You'll find a small cuddly toy. A rabbit..." He rubbed his mouth, lowered his eyes. "It sounds foolish, I know... but it... it was my daughter's, you see..."
The boy nodded, moving quickly to retrieve the toy from Jervis’ coat pocket, and placed it on the table beside the teacup. The bunny was missing one of its button eyes, its white fur faded and matted. A pink satin ribbon around its neck was frayed and tattered.
“Thank you,” Jervis said hoarsely. “I must have been out of it for quite a while.”
#divingdownthehole#tw: mentions of child death.#tw: medication.#tw: illness.#ooh okay okay 👀 that song was also a really good listen while reading your reply! like GAH you are just so good at selecting songs-#that capture the vibes of your replies perfectly tbhhh. BUT hiii!! and aww well i was just telling you the truth about how i felt but#its no problem at all emi!!! and OMG really? honestly i didn't get that impression at all as i thought your reply perfectly described-#just how complex the effects of trauma on a person can be as characters are a reflection of real life people so it only makes sense-#that jervis's mind is just... so chocked full of images related to the things he's been through despite him not wanting to be reliving#these events or seeing them anymore you know? and i honestly can't blame him for seemingly not wanting to do either of those things as#recovery + healing isn't really ever a straight path as you pointed out there. thus i didn't think any of it was overdramaticized or#anything of that nature! so don't worry you're totally good with that!! but yeah jervis as a character has really been dealt a bad hand#in my opinion and that's really unfortunate because no one deserves having to lose their parents or lose their daughter ):#and jervis is at a spot in his timeline where he has still lost alice relatively recently right? so that's just. UGH i feel so bad for him#tbh as having to experiencing one of your kids dying sounds really terrible.#but AWW well thank you so much for saying so!! it makes me so happy to hear that you're always excited for them. but yeahhh-#trust me when i say their madness may be even worse when they're just amongst themselves unfortunately enough ahahhh... 🫠#but i'm so honored? that you were intrigued?? by my description of him??? like AHHH i'm giving you the biggest hug RN and i just-#want to say TYSM once more!!! but yes i'm not going to lie because jack + julien were basically like brothers before barton-#even came along jack was very attached to him and julien didn't like killing people either so he was sort of a good influence on him#which might be part of the reason why he is the way he is now TBH but sadly dysfunctional family dynamics often leave people#suffering in their own way from it as you said. but AHH thank you!! you're so sweet PLSSS like i'm glad that you find him interesting-#BC he is a good person at heart unlike barton but they contrast in a different way than say jervis and him would since he tries-#to live his life down the straight and narrow buttt that doesn't always happen for him. and yesss barton is back to bother everyone / hj#LOLLL but gosh you're right!! i think i remember you mentioning it back then :00 but yeah i did some casual research on on it when you-#mentioned the quote in your reply and i thought that the red queen hypothesis had something to do with darwin's survival of the fittest-#idea + it turns out that i was right so i am somewhat proud of myself for that NGL lmao but TBH that is just another example of you-#using such good character writing with jervis because subtext and nuance is like one of those things that i find hard to write sometimes#but what a character doesn't say is also just as important AS what they say so its interesting that you'd bring that up. but huh i never-#actually thought of it that way before but that does definitely seem to check out if i'm being honest. BC grief never truly goes-
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