1nfine77

[1nfine77]

happy to announce that the minecraft recreation of my base in my dr is... actually moving forwards, which is more than i usually manage either here or there, so good job, me.

less happy to announce that seeing it come together is... a bit of an experience? sure, great that the views through the windows are looking more and more like what i see over there, but... fuck, it's that insistent nudge of 'you are So close'. having that replica, even if it will never be exact, makes it incredibly hard to shake the feeling that all i have to do is reach through the screen, pretty much. you know - looking through the almost-same window and almost leaning forward to put your elbows on the windowsill and press your face to the cold glass, despite being sat in front of a very warm laptop. it's all the things i'm setting into place in the game bringing up all the little moments of literally having my hands on those things. makes more literally seeing it all a lot easier on me, as well.

and there's things here and there that made sense retroactively, as i was building. there are things in specific places in my base in my dr that, once i set them down in my recreation here, brought up the realisation that, oh, of course that's there, because x y z, when initially the placements seemed a lot more arbitrary. that's been... interesting, essentially having the same thought processes as i would have done over there, but in reverse.

it's... been a trip, basically. probably not helped by me being very sick of this place.

so. fuck, i want to be over there so much it hurts, sometimes. i sit there in the finished house and look out over the less finished outside and... that's my home more than this ever was. having everything together in-game is going to be an Experience if this is how i'm reacting to having about a quarter of it done.

(if i don't manage to shift before i'm done with it anyway lmao - once i do shift all bets on the recreation are off, because i am legit only gonna come back here to tie up some loose ends before taking a very very very long vacation)

[1nfine77]

best thing about having a minecraft-based dr: you can build what's in your dr and have damn near (depending on how close or far you are from blocky in the dr itself) a 1:1 representation of the key places in your dr.

worst thing about having a minecraft dr: you can build all the relevant places... but good fucking luck with ever finishing it.

(also: running mods + shaders is something my laptop can manage but oh boy do i feel bad about my cpu temp)

[1nfine77]

yet again, i am changing what year of my dr i am shifting to because of some arbitrary thing. last time: 'well actually that would be boring, i want more excitement'. this time: 'i will need at least a year to achieve conversational fluency in this language between the resources on offer and all the other things i would need to do in a day'.

could i script that i can achieve fluency in a language in a month? yes. am i? no.

(been wanting to shift to a later point for the past month or so anyway, so i'm just taking this in stride)

[1nfine77]

hhahahaha i disappeared again. woops.

scripting/worldbuilding wrt dr ramble under cut. no promises for this making any sense.

anyway - i've sat down and properly started getting to grips with my script, now that i'm done with exams, and the sheer amount of worldbuilding i want to do first is... oh boy.

shifting to a modded version of a video game universe, particularly mc in this case, is an... experience in trust when you leave it all alone, i want to say, because of how many mods do not integrate with one another. you'll get add-on mods and you'll get mods that acknowledge one another or will use one another's components, but in terms of the story or base mechanics of each mod, you tend to end up with a lot of disparate parts with their own separate and unrelated progressions and ways of dealing with base game things. in order to progress through two progression-based mods, you need to do them at the same time or else you'll be at end-game with one and then returning to square-zero in order to do anything with the other.

(better yet, you'll get mods with conflicting storylines or progressions, where trying to build a world where you focus on one will, on an in-game story level, lock you out of another, or where doing two mods at once will essentially mean you're tokyo drifting across what are essentially two very different belief systems without ever really trying to cohere them. which is whatever, but it does me in.)

or you'll get one mod completely overpowering another in terms of what it can achieve, and i want to level the playing field a bit and make some things more powerful and others less in order to counterbalance this a little. or at least have one be a natural progression of another, or have this one thing be useful in this case but in the general case, this other thing is preferred, etc etc.

and since i'm here with notion in front of me, i may as well grapple with the problem i have just noticed and shape a solution for it myself rather than leaving it up to chance.

(i also have like... ten separate 'magic systems'* i want to try to develop as different explanations for and beliefs surrounding the same or similar sets of phenomena**, each with their own key figures in their development, but... fuck, that's a task, i've realised lmao, especially because i am dealing, in the dr, with a truckload of forgotten and lost history due to the nature of the dr.)

i essentially need to deconstruct every single component of what makes up my dr and decide, on a case-by-case basis, whether to synthesise it with a previously unrelated part of a different component, dismiss it entirely (either because i don't like it or because it doesn't fit), treat it as its own phenomenon or adjust it so that it no longer leans on cr-related, and therefore dr-foreign, concepts.

and again - there is technically no need for me to fight with this. but i'm here and i may as well, and having the extra bit of knowledge of where i'm headed is likely going to help.

honestly my entire script sucks because of these... major oversights. sure, i have changed major mechanics on the way, which doesn't help, but then there's things like this that are genuine sandpaper to my brain. i visualise myself doing a specific thing in my dr and get taken completely out of it by the hard-clash of that thing and some other fucking thing from another fucking mod, both of which apparently sit comfortably in the same universe from which they both originated (anything that can be explained from 'idk it came from outer space/another dimension/etc.' is being left that way thanks).

this is a long-winded way to say that i may as well write a book at this point if i am going to be this fucking bent on logical consistency in a god damn fantasy setting. if i get too in the weeds with this and start going down the rabbit hole of conlangs, and then trying to make creole languages out of those conlangs, then i guess i better give up and admit i'm subconsciously trying to be tolkien.

*oh - and i finally realised, after four fucking years of being bent on the same exact dr, that no, the laws of physics and reality will be different there than they are here, and so what i am seeing as a magic system may well be equivalent in sense and rationality (with regards to explaining external phenomena) to. idk. physics. wards - as in, physical unopenable doors and literal invisible barriers - may well be as common and usual as fucking gravity, and it's my cr headspace - and the way these things are treated in the mod, honestly - that's making that complicated for me.

**i do have some 'magic systems' that touch on, like, specifically plants, or specifically astrology, that i can pretty much leave alone because they have their own... spheres of influence that other systems don't really interact with, but even with these i want some mutual acknowledgement.

[1nfine77]

love being on the verge of actually seeing your dr rather than a vague mess of light and shadow on the backs of your eyelids... and your timer running out because you have a dayjob you need to leave the house for.

felt closer than i've gotten in what feels like months, though, so i will take it. means i know how i'm going about things tonight.

[1nfine77]

oh i'm gonna make sure i'm not too full-on with the whole shifting thing and maybe only do it once a week-

*a minor inconvenience occurs*

hahahahahahahah nevermind get me tf out of here

[1nfine77]

post ideas for shifters (bc I come up with them and never actually make them)

Introducing your (BLANK) DR

Introducing your (BLANK) DR-self

Resources that help you with shifting

Subliminals and Meditations that have helped you/work well for you

Scripting ideas (Scenarios, safe words, details, etc)

Your Shifting routine

Things that motivate you to shift

Techniques and exercises that work for you

Your favorite shifting methods

Ideas for realities to shift to

Your DR moodboard

Your DR playlist

[1nfine77]

i am still alive, i promise lmao

just having a little bit of a Moment when it comes to the whole shifting thing

obviously the moment i start a blog about it i start wondering whether i Actually want to do the thing, or if this is another one of those fun little coping mechanisms i don't realise are coping mechanisms because i've ensured i'm always several steps back from whatever's actually going on in my life

which is to say - i will still be working on DRs (in the sense that i am going to continue scripting for them, engaging with them, etc.) and i'll likely be posting shortened versions of what that amounts to here... but i will likely be limiting shifting attempts to like, once a week? and trying not to attempt to shift out of habit - more as a conscious choice?

i'd imagine i will figure it out that way if it's an issue of 'maybe i don't want to go there anymore' as opposed to 'i don't want to go', or even if it's more along the lines of 'i have some shit i want to get done here first' - just giving myself some time (and if it is that last one - it's not like i'm planning on immediately leaving for good? so not sure what my brain's pulling there? but whatever i guess).

like the best news out of all of this is that i can clearly maintain some kind of shifting break. the better news is that i might suddenly gain a half-consistent posting schedule. the bad news is that i'm not sure how many more sudden changes of heart i can take in this damn life lmao.

[1nfine77]

i love the no script girlies. i don’t understand you. but i want to bake you nice warm bread and hear about your drs even if you don’t have a script for them.

[1nfine77]

Shifting method:

Go to bed

Find out

[1nfine77]

shifting diary - 2.5 (03/02/24)

been in a real 'let's just fall asleep with a subliminal on (if i even have a subliminal on) and see what happens' mood recently. had maybe a 0.5 of an attempt where i did more than vaguely think in the direction of my dr in the last... two weeks, i want to say? which is whatever - you don't need a method to shift, etc., etc. - but i know from experience that i get far better results from my usual method than from just falling asleep lmao. replicable experience, at that.

i suppose the 'just falling asleep' thing veers too close to my usual daydreaming for me to be able to fully rely on it, at least for the moment. i have always vastly preferred awake methods for a reason.

i've basically had a bit of an informal shifting break without me even realising it woops, hence the 2.5.

gonna focus a bit more on scripting my dr today (will i ever be done with scripting? probably not) and maybe finally get around to updating this blog a bit. we'll see. don't know when i'll next do more than vaguely think about my dr while rain sounds play in the background with regards to shifting itself, but whatever happens, happens, at this point. i'll see how i feel tonight.

[1nfine77]

shifting diary - 2 (20/01/24)

had an experience last night where i may have almost shifted. i was in a loop of lucid false awakenings initially, i think, where lucidity just means i was aware i was dreaming to some extent - i was certainly not controlling very much, if anything, and didn't feel much of a desire to. i was just constantly waking up in my bedroom except i was always aware there was something off, if i wasn't fully knowing it was a dream already. i was affirming to shift on-and-off throughout the various false awakenings.

at some point, maybe after a specific bit of affirming, maybe not, it was completely black - rather, there was nothing around me - and i was aware i was lying down, although i couldn't feel anything except that i was lying down. then, there was this pulling sensation upwards from roughly around the middle of my body, like something was being hooked out of me, but i didn't follow suit and ended up in another near-identical false awakening.

i've had similar experiences in lucid dreams before, where there would be this near-nothingness, whether through some kind of portal or through simply falling backwards, and i'd end up in a false awakening after. i don't think i've ever felt a pulling sensation associated with it - at least while dreaming - and i know damn well i only ever experience that kind of thing while attempting to shift in a lucid dream.

i wonder if my lack of agency and control while lucid contributes to how i end up in a false awakening rather than shifting. currently while lucid, it feels like i am given this awareness but continue to follow the progression of the dream rather than trying to exert much control, or that i have enough doubt or misgivings that i subconsciously counteract myself (ie, there was a point where i affirmed in the dream that i'd be in my dr once i stepped through a certain door, except the door was far heavier than it should have been - i almost couldn't open it at all).

maybe it's a lack of practice, honestly, because i never aim to shift via lucid dreams. i vastly prefer awake methods or straight-up aiming to wake up in my dr. it just so happens that i end up lucid dreaming from time to time, and i end up trying to shift since the opportunity's there rather than working on maintaining lucidity or learning how best to manipulate the dream or... anything useful like that. find it wild how the reality checks i've stopped doing several months ago are still in my lucid dreams, though (often after i've gained lucidity as a confirmation but it counts, damn it).

[1nfine77]

Modded DR

I could shift to a better CR. I could shift to a reality linked with dark-academia, like somehow being involved with the Greek class from that one very popular dark-academia book. I could...

...It turns out I don't have that many media interests, actually, and I can't really be asked with constructing an entire reality of my own, and so that is about where it ends for me. I've never even bothered with the concept of a waiting room reality.

Where I am actually focused on going is a reality based off fucking Mxnecraft (censored because I badly don't want someone looking for block-game content to find this lmao) because I obviously only have my best interests at heart here.

Basics

Time ratio: 1:1 (no regrets on this one - when I'm gone I am gone for as long as I feel like, thanks)

No, things aren't blocky. Things look as they do in the CR, with some exceptions here and there.

I've had this DR for around three years now. It's also the first DR I ever considered shifting to. I'm bloody committed to this place.

I am basically the same person there as I am here, except with a completely different set of circumstances.

I eventually decided to have no way to change the permutation of the DR I'm experiencing while already experiencing one of those permutations, if that makes sense. I'm not giving myself in-universe cheat codes. I also figured that, if I shift back to any version of the CR, I can just... Figure out which one on the fly, since I will have some vague access to CR memories anyway. No need for LIFA-anything, in other words.

Links (updated as I bother creating posts):

[bear in mind that, due to the proximity to real people in my CR, some things are going to be either round-about or not-quite-accurate when it comes to some things, specifically names]

[also no guarantee i'll fill out the contents in the order they appear here lmao]

[x] IRL Backstory (Just a general look at the blend of circumstances that made this ever seem like a good idea)

[x] How the hell does this reality function

[x] Self

[x] Friends

[x] People who are important but sure as hell shouldn't be considered friends

[x] In-universe backstory

[x] In-universe current circumstances

[x] How I choose to script any of this

[x] Specific changes from the base material (ignoring things that were changed for safety reasons, because...)

[x] ...And how are you keeping yourself alive here, exactly? (Discussion regarding safety in a reality where most things in it want to kill you, and both info- cognitohazards are a very real thing, among other threats to your continued existence. Also, the respawn system, and how injuries and healing work with regards to both the Minecraft health and hunger bars and how things look in the CR).

Notes

I have been fucking around with various bits of this reality for around three years now. Needless to say, as I think I've mentioned in a previous post, I do have the 'staying alive and sane and safe and well' bit almost entirely covered, although I don't have a post out about it currently... And might not for another month or so. We'll see.

I have been fucking around with various bits of this reality for around three years now. Looking between my original script and the one I have going now is a bit of a trip. I am very comfortable with randomly changing things on the fly, whether they're very minor details or pretty major ones, and not really caring about having absolutely everything set in stone. Every single iteration of this DR I've set down or kept in my mind exists; whichever one I go to is the one I go to, as far as I'm concerned. It all counts. That means nothing I post about this DR is guaranteed to be accurate in even a week's time.

I originally scripted that my memories of my time in my DR would, in the CR, be vague and dream-like. It was like that for months. I recently remembered I put that and fucking cussed myself out and changed it, because sure, having that barrier is very very important in this case, but I needed a better way of doing that that didn't boil down to 'you will come back (if you come back) and it will feel like it never happened'.

There is an in-game sanity mechanic one of the mods adds. I am keeping it. I find it fucking hilarious, okay? (To be fair - the specific kind of sanity it refers to is as much a physical distortion of the body as it is a disruption of the mind, and is affected only by very specific cognito- and infohazards, so I am almost treating it as sanity 2.0 rather than the actual overarching system of how brains and trauma work)

I had a much funnier/more clever version of the contents list but I decided to be less of a smartass.

...I am sure I am forgetting So Much but I don't care enough to sit around and change this post for the nth time, so... Whatever. I'm sure I'll edit things in or clear things up in subsequent posts, or whatever.

[1nfine77]

i gotta put some effort in and actually shift because wow i do not want to go back to college

[1nfine77]

completely out of contexts parts of the script i'm working on

[1nfine77]

definitely not about to sit here and redo most of my scripts for a few hours

i have one main dr i have a decent enough script for. i want to adjust a bunch of pages, probably script some things more fully and standardise the formatting for it as much as i can. especially the page for the people i know. it is such a mix of 'here's a few facts about this random person' to 'here's my entire backstory with this other person that takes up half this page, somehow'. and i still haven't covered everyone. it's awful to look at.

and then i have a couple realities i might want to eventually shift to that i want to start creating 'homepages' for. no clue if i'll actually get onto that tonight, to be honest, but i can at least remove the test scripts i have lying around and neaten up the things i did copy across to make mental room for the... like, three new scripts i want to start work on at some point.

fairly sure i have a duplicate of what was initially the script for my main dr somewhere. that's not great, since that script became outdated months back.

...and then i also probably want to throw some shit about my drs onto this blog eventually, but that's going to be a whole thing just because the way i write is so long-winded and i'd rather not be posting essay-length descriptions of tiny little details.

[1nfine77]

I truly believe that Anti-Shifters are just incapable of being fun and whimsical. I mean really, they hate us just because we are just chillin and being so full of joy and whimsy.

It might just be me