#I haven't gotten very far I'm on like day 5. it's very fun though

[link-lonk]

I started playing Pikmin 4 today and that was a mistake because now all I want to do is play more pikmin

[dawning-rose-1]

It's been a while, but ... please pray for me and my marriage.

I've been trying to find a counselor or therapist to help me through

the grief of getting an infertility diagnosis (if you or someone you know is struggling with this, I do recommend The Fruitful Hollow, just as a stepping stone or a place to find advice).

I'll leave it here, because saying/writing it makes it less powerful (the emotion it evokes become less sharp, it allows them to settle a bit). It's called bilateral absence of vas deferens, it amounts to a congenital vasectomy that is inoperable and thus unfixable (save, of course, for an act of God). Now, knowing this and being a (sometimes it feels like I should add an "unfortunately") well catechized Catholic, it leaves us in the very sad situation of not being able to have biological kids.

As I said earlier, I've tried to find a counselor or therapist, but so far they keep trying to convince me that IVF would solve the problem. And while I'm sure that if we were successful (by that I mean, it resulted in a baby) we'd feel certain relief, I do not believe that that's the way to deal with the situation. More and more people that battle with infertility are turning to IVF and even surrogacy as a way to fulfill their desire for children. So I understand why that seems like the obvious solution to our 'problem. The very simple and logical solution.

Sitting with it, and savoring the bitter taste it leaves behind, I can admit to several things (just for the sake of my own sanity):

I shouldn't have planned a whole chunk of my life around having children.

I should have developed interests that weren't so niche to child-rearing or that tended to attract parents (see the overlap of crunchy moms and holistic nutrition/natural living/endocrine disruptors/natural fibers)

I wanted to get married because I wanted to have kids, and in hindsight, that was not my smartest move, nor a good motivation.

Though I always said that children are not a given (in the sense that nobody deserves children, just like we deserve nothing we have been given in this life, it's all a gift by the mercy and grace of God), saying it, believing it, and being confronted with: you've been given this particular cross... it doesn't make it a fun experience.

Seeing other people living the 'life I wanted/planned for' is a constant struggle between don't be jealous, don't become envious, and just be happy/grateful that they can have children.

Related to the prior: I'm at the age where most people are having kids, some friends are going for baby number 2 (at least 5 come to mind immediately, I'm sure there's more). And seeing as most of our friends are Catholic, the babies are unlikely to stop anytime soon. So I don't love that I get a gigantic boulder in the pit of my stomach when someone says I have an announcement or I'm pregnant.

Sometimes it helps that they tell you via text, I've gotten two in person with not a whole lot of forewarning and the amount of crying after the announcements is not too different. Though having to activate my acting skills has been a bit tiring. (On a side note, I hope one day I can simply be happy for the new parents and not have to slink off to my home to cry and feel sorry for myself).

Feeling sorry for myself also comes from feeling excluded (which is, of course, only natural) by my friends and not getting invited to kids' birthday parties or family-friendly events where our friends are hosting or involved; I got such a sad feeling from hearing that my friends have regular play-dates where the kids play and the moms hang out that I had to tell myself to chill. (Again, I get it. But, I don't want to be friendless by the time everyone's at 6 kids.)

Looking at my husband make a questionable hygiene choice makes me somewhat grateful that he cannot father my children (I haven't figured out if that's me trying to make sense of the seemingly senseless)

Same as the last one, I can't help wondering if the reason why we can't have kids is simply God protecting us and them from the realities of parenthood.

There's so much that I haven't figured out, like: what do I do with my life now? I have no real ambitions, or desires save having a family. And I need to pray more for God to soften my heart to his will, because I feel so blind when it comes to my future. I thought I knew what life was going to be like, but here I am, at almost 30, married for almost 4 years, with a dog and no plan. It's an excellent opportunity to trust in God and his mercy, and I'm trying to. But I haven't felt a whole lot of peace in a good long while.

[iridescentis]

20 fanfic author questions! :D

this looks so fun!! thanks for tagging me @weirdthoughtsandideas :)

1. How many works on AO3?

27! it doesn't sound like many but as someone who has tried time and time again to get into writing fics and given up, I'm really happy that I've gotten to this number! I've orphaned a couple and deleted one, and I also have a oneshot book which technically could've added more to the number though :'D

2. Total AO3 Word Count?

262,703 words!!! that's wildd, what's even wilder is 180k of those words are all one fic, a fic that is 3/5 done! 😭

3. Top 5 fics by Kudos

We Were Younger - 282 kudos a derailed hike - 138 kudos you can't fall in love at a Walmart - 134 kudos Love Conquers All - 82 kudos an impromptu bus ride to reconciliation - 66 kudos

4. What fandoms do you write for?

mostly ride the cyclone! I do want to branch out and write for more fandoms, especially the next step and lost & found, I've only posted one fic for each (and one is still a wip) I gotta do some more! :D

5. Do you respond to comments?

normally yeah!! I always try to, sometimes I struggle to find things to say, especially if it's just 'yay an update!' or some variation of emojis or unhinged screaming lmao but if I get a compliment I'll always thank them!!

6. Angstiest Ending?

depends on what kind of angst really! one of my oneshots in my RTC oneshot book 'Surrender' literally ends with death but it isn't really written to be an angsty ending? angst doesn't feel like the right word for it, I would more describe it as dark but I guess technically that is the angstiest ending I've done

the ending of 'how dare you dare me to love you' fits 'angsty' better to me but the whole thing is angst so I don't know 😭

7. Fic with the Happiest Ending?

this one is hard as well, I feel like all of my fics end on a hopeful note or a bittersweet note I'm not very good at happy or angsty endings 😭

I think the happiest ending I've written is another oneshot from my RTC oneshot book 'a round of straight tequila' the ending is a very cute kiss scene and the whole oneshot is pure fluff :'D

8. Do you get hate?

nope! never gotten any hate before, I'm pretty sure the fics from when I was first starting in 2019 have a few comments poking fun, but I didn't get any when I was actively posting and I wouldn't call it hate. somehow I just seem to avoid it! I honestly have no idea how lmao

9. Do you write smut?

I do not! not much else to say about that lmao

10. Do you write crossovers?

haven't written one yet but I'm not opposed to the idea! generally I gravitate towards using one piece of media as an AU for another (like how we were younger is a life is strange AU) rather than making full crossovers but if I ever get an idea I'll give it a go :D

11. Ever had a fic stolen?

don't think so! pretty sure I've seen fics inspired by mine that didn't mention it but obviously I can't know for sure if they were inspired by me or not, and no one has ever literally copy paste stoled something as far as I know

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

I haven't but I do want to one day! it's definitely a far in the future thing, I don't think I would be able to co-write something with someone who I'm not already good friends with because if I'm not fully comfortable with someone and we have to work together, I'm either gonna want to lead the whole thing or do what I'm told to do lmao 😭

there is one idea that I would love to co-write with someone and that's my girl meets world extended post-canon series - essentially writing extra seasons until they graduate college. it's a huge project that I definitely want to do at some point but I don't think I can pull it off alone. I think it would be really fun to work with someone on it someday :D

14. All time favourite ship?

this question is always really difficult because I never know how to measure a "favourite"

jeric from boy meets world is always my go-to answer because I have loved them for years, but I don't really spend much time on them? I've never written jeric before (I think I have a few lines of dialogue in a doc somewhere but that's it), I don't read jeric fics very often anymore and I don't post about them often - so can they still my favourite? I don't know!

15. WIPs you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

don't think I have any! I have all the time in the world to finish my WIPs, I have hope that I'll get around to all of them eventually :)

16. Writing strengths?

character analysis, anything full of symbolism and flowery language, and I think I'm pretty good at dialogue depending on the situation

17. Writing Weaknesses?

romance. literally, every time I write anything romantic it is a battle I have no idea what I'm fucking doing I'm just throwing shit at a doc and hoping for the best

also pacing and general plot progression I struggle with a lot

18. Thoughts on mixed language dialogue?

I like it! I do it quite a lot in my writing, especially soy luna

I feel a lot more comfortable writing soy luna fics that way because I obviously watched the whole show with them speaking spanish, I know their mannerisms and how they talk to each other in spanish so trying to translate that into english just reads really clunky and weird

I haven't really done it for ride the cyclone, I do add ukrainian in but it's not done in the same way, it's either a line of dialogue in ukrainian that Misha is saying in front of other characters who don't speak the language or Misha is using ukrainian terms of endearment for someone

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Sanders Sides! in 2019 :)

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

it's gotta be We Were Younger, it's far from finished but it is absolutely some of the best writing I have ever done and I'm very proud of it :D

WOW these questions took ages 😭 that was so much fun to do!!! tagging @cr0wqui11 @jetiana @cyanidearctic if you guys wanna answer these questions! :D

[a-little-bit-of-ravioli]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by @the-real-azalea-scroggs! Had to wait until I was of my phone because doing these is a nightmare on mobile lmao

1. How many works do you have on A03?

18 as of a few days ago!

2. What's your total A03 word count?

157,937! Which is. Only a fraction of the word count in my Docs folder. Be prepared.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I mainly write for The Legend of Zelda; specifically Linked Universe! In fact, that's all that's posted on my Ao3 currently, since my fall into that fandom began with me uploading there! Pre-Ao3 I wrote for Black Cat (Anime/Manga), Megaman NT Warrior, various Pokémon things, Assassin's Creed, Yugioh, Final Fantasy XIV and Octopath Traveler! Some of these I still write privately, but I haven't gotten around to re-posting any.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Whistling on Deaf Ears - My longest fic on Ao3, focusing on Wild and Twilight's friendship and how good intentions can lead to disaster.

Iconoclasm - Warriors deals with the room full of portraits in Cia's palace. The Chain also deals with it, but with a bit more fire.

Deserving - Twilight finally tells Rusl that he was the wolf in the village during TP, but that also means dealing with some heavier topics. Colin half overhears them and forms his own conclusions.

Something Greater - The start of the "Hyrule can see magical auras" series! In this one we deal with Legend and his many rings.

Ocean Magic - Mermaid Legend and Zora Time have a race and then fight one of the Big Octos from WW! Fun times.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Every single one!! I love comments, they give me an excuse to ramble about my fic more!! I am always down to ramble about every single insignificant detail of any line and/or section. If you ever want more background info about one of my fics, look to the comments!

So please, I adore comments, I treat them like treasures, not responding to them would be a CRIME.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

There's no contest; Inevitable, my (so far) only MCD fic.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hmmm, that's hard to quantify. I usually try to end fics on a hopeful note regardless. I'd say possibly either Deserving, where Twilight reconnects with his family, or Shimmering Blue, Striking White, where Time meets the Fierce Deity settled down on Satori Mountain and they both get closure.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully, no! I've been blessed with mostly amazing and patient readers, even when my upload schedule isn't the best.

9. Do you write smut?

No, not really. I've attempted it, but I'm too asexual for it lol

10. Do you write crossovers?

Very, very rarely. Mostly privately, and only very specific ones. Only a single one has had an actual plot, so far (more on that one in question 15!).

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Also a nope! I tend to write for smaller fandoms, where these things don't tend to happen a lot!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have! But it's been a while. Over a decade, in fact! I tried to find the fic to link it here, but it was on the German fanfic website fanfiktion.de, and my friend who posted it back then must have deactivated her account, because it's nowhere to be seen (I still have the Word file though!). It was a Multi-Crossover that started as an RP in a forum, and we took turns turning the RP into prose one chapter each. "If a Hero Turns to Dark" was its title. We were edgy teenagers.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Hissssss. Bad question. Shoo. They are all equally important!!

But it's probably TenRose from Doctor Who.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

One of the very few crossovers I've ever worked on; a crossover fic between Assassin's Creed and Doctor Who, that I have mapped out in both chronological and timeline order, and yes, those are different. I only ever wrote about a quarter of it, since my primary audience of it disappeared when we graduated. I doubt I'll ever pick it back up properly, and if I do it'll probably go through heavy rewrites first since it's so old. Finishing it is a nice thought, but realistically, after 9 years it'll never be high priority enough for it to actually happen.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, especially arguments, and emotional impact. I've been told I do really well making characters feel alive and believable! Also I like to believe I'm decent at setting a scene and giving it the vibe I want it to have!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I struggle with dialogue tags when nothing much is happening besides the talking. I always feel it's too bland, and fall back on the same phrases. My scene transitions could use some work too.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I've done this with Japanese phrases, because I was a massive weeb. Usually I followed them up with their own translations, though; I'm not the biggest fan of footnote translations, unless they are properly linked to. Simple dialogue tags are my favourite way of indicating a language switch.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Black Cat the Manga/Anime! It's a series about an assassin turned bounty hunter trying to live a life separate from his murdery past, but getting dragged back into things by still wanting to avenge his best friend's death. The series has a special place in my heart and my bookshelf, it left an imprint on 13-year-old me that will never leave.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Probably Jailbreak, uncharacteristically enough! It's one of the only fics I never got stuck in once. Writing it was a great feeling from start to finish. I love writing all of my fics, but that was a special few days.

Tagging @ahrva @nowhere-to-go-but-down @silvercaptain24 and @aeghina! And anyone who wants to do it, really, go wild

[lusthurts]

tina or marley for the character ask :)

omg yay im so excited to talk about these two, thank you !!

tina cohen-chang

how I feel about this character

I love her, and I honestly think she's one of my favs of the og new directions. I think she's a very realistic character that has some hilarious moments in the show (props?? revolution?? breaking down in tears whenever she starts singing at the beginning??), plus she has a great voice and is almost always there and supportive

all the people I ship romantically with this character

she and mike should've been endgame. of all the ships in this show, they were like the only one that was genuinely healthy. they constantly supported each other and I was actually really entertained by their storylines in season 3

I haven't really explored any other tina ships, but I do kinda like the idea of sapphic tina -- I've seen some really fun edits of quinntina (that so far away cover slapped !) though they rarely interacted in canon so idk where that came from, I just think it's fun in theory

my non-romantic otp for this character

definitely blamtina! I think their friendship felt very realistic and well-developed, especially for something that really only existed to that extent for one season. also, they are so that friend group that has no boundaries and is very incestuous and it feels so high school

also love it when she's a girl's girl with mercedes and occasionally rachel

my unpopular opinion about this character

I loved bitch tina in seasons 4 and 5 - this felt like a natural progression of her character following the end of season 3 and everyone immediately discounting her as a potential lead soloist to replace Rachel - she was right when she said Rachel herself thought it would be Tina's turn her senior year only for her to be completely disregarded once again. sure, sometimes it was too extreme, but it was very entertaining and imo pretty realistic

one thing I wish had happened with this character in canon

more solos! I think she had a cool taste in music that was very distinct from the other new directions - more performances like dog days are over & I follow rivers would've been awesome (hung up was also sooo good)

I would've much rather seen her in new york than Artie - imagine blamtina being roommates !! and I know the timeline doesn't line up, but can you imagine how fun it would've been if it was tina fueding with Rachel in season 5 over funny girl??

marley rose

how I feel about this character

I don't really have a strong opinion. I think I liked her overall, but she and the other season 4 newbies were done a huge disservice by being created as either carbon copies of the originals or being given zero personality or interesting storylines

I think she had a lot of potential as a character, and I'm obsessed with her voice - I could listen to new york state of mind & blow me one last kiss forever

all the people I ship romantically with this character

I think Jake is my favorite ship of hers? though the cheating was real ick. def prefer him for Marley over Ryder though

I think it would've been interesting to see something romantic between her and kitty as a sort of replacement to faberry which we never got - kinda wild faberry was that popular with the fans and yet they got a whole do-over in season 4 and still didn't give it to us

my non-romantic otp for this character

definitely unique! their friendship in the show is super underrated and very wholesome - I don't think they ever fought, and they were always total girl's girls for each other

I wish we'd gotten to see her and kitty's relationship develop into a real friendship - once again, could've been a faberry do-over, and I think it had even more potential than them, but it didn't happen

oh, and I really enjoyed her interactions with finn as a sort of mentor/student dynamic - don't dream it's over is very wholesome, and I think her little card she made him was very sweet. I think it was a much healthier depiction of a teacher/student relationship than mr. schue had with anyone

my unpopular opinion about this character

I kinda liked the eating disorder storyline, and I wish it wasn't half-assed. I think it made a lot of sense for the character and it fit in well with the show (especially after they'd hinted at these storylines with Santana, mercedes, Quinn, and Rachel then never acknowledged them again). It sucks this plot point literally never got resolved !

one thing I wish had happened with this character

omg where do I begin.

obviously I wish they'd kept the season 4 newbies around in season 5 & 6 - I actually enjoyed the McKinley stuff in season 4 & 5 more than I enjoyed the New York stuff, and I found it incredibly annoying that these characters just dropped off the face of the earth because the glee club disbanded. All of them had so much potential only for it to be thrown out in favor of introducing a bunch of totally new characters with only a few episodes left of the show

I wish they'd resolved her eating disorder storyline better - it felt very much like an afterthought, and the way it was handled by the other new directions, the staff at the school, and pretty much everyone around her was pretty fucked up. why was her mom the only person taking this seriously???

[cryptids-of-spielzeit]

Sundae

Part 2: One Scoop Chocolate

(A Sun Dog Story)

It had been a week since he had met the kit. Over that week, the two had formed an inseperable bond. They helped each other out, she would scout the area and alert him of any dangers. She was so good he couldn't count how many run ins with the little ones he had already avoided. In return, all she wanted was his love. And food, but mainly love.

"Hey guys, I think our new friend is lightening up a bit!"

That day, it had been awfully quiet. No birds singing, no crickets chirping, not even the buzzing of flies. All the two heard were the shuffling of leaves and twigs as he crawled around. He suddenly stopped, setting the kit down right in front of him. He looked in the distance, almost as though he was in a trance. When all of a sudden, he spoke.

"You know, it's a bit sad. You've been by my side for a bit, possibly will be there til we both reach our end. And I still haven't given you a name."

She tilted her head in confusion.

"Oh, you know, a name....who am I kidding, you wouldn't know, you"re just a pup. Have I even told you my name?"

They both stood in silence before she tilted her head the other way. He chuckled a bit.

"Well then, I'll give each other introductions then. My name is......Dogday. And you...hmm, let's see. You're small, you're red....Bobby? No, no, you aren't a bear, but you've got the smile down. Hmm...I'll have to think about tha-"

BANG!

A gunshot destroyed the silence, the fox and the hound were both startled. But he knew there shouldn't be any gunshots, not in these woods. Signs were plastered everywhere, "NO HUNTING." Someone was out there, and they weren't following the rules.

Suddenly, they heard a rustling in the distance. The little ones, yet again? No, this sounded bigger, faster. Closer. Closer. And there it was, running their way, a young deer, couldn't be anymore than 5 months old. It didn't notice the two canines as it ran past, hiding itself behind a tree, and they followed suit.

Not far behind it was the culprit. Older fellow, very well kept. But he had that look in his eyes, he wasn't all there. He kept giggling, like this was a game, like it was fun. But come on, he couldn't be that depraved, right?

"Come on out, you little coward! If I get you that'll make my count 13, and that's just today's tally!"

(Fun fact: narrators hate it when they're wrong)

Dogday could hear every psychotic thing this man had to say. He was making this forest a waking nightmare for every creature here. And he despised that.

"Stay here, please. I'm about to teach him a lesson."

He crawled as silently as he could, just until he could get right behind the hunter. And then, when the moment was right....YANK! He pulled him to the ground, right at his level. The hunter was shocked, what did that to him? His answer was right there, inches away from his face. He couldn't even muster a scream.

"Leave. Never come back. Or I will do to you...what was done to me."

The hunter sat there in a mixture of fear and confusion, even after the dog had gotten off of his lap. He took one quick glimpse at his torso. The buttons clicked.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

He ran off like a scared animal. Good.

He crawled his way over to the tree to see if the deer was still there. Lo and behold, there it was, laying next to the kit. Seeing as they were all stressed, he knew what he had to do. He took one deep breath in, and one, long, relaxing breath out. It was at that moment, in the vanilla clouds, that he had an epiphany.

"So, it looks like we have another one joining us, huh kid? Well, lucky for the both of you, I've figured out what I'm going to call the both of you!"

He picked up the kit, "I think Strawberry's a good name for you, you sweet, red little thing." She yipped and barked in glee.

He then crawled over to the deer, slowly and gently placing his hand on its head, "As for you, I'm calling you Chocolate." It put its head on his, its tail slowly wagging.

It was getting late, but where they were was comfortable as is. They all huddled together in front of a makeshift fire, and another night went by. A safe night, all together.

"Oh, hey you! Come on, there's always more than enough room for another friend!"

[thephantomchronicles]

20 Questions For Fanfiction Writers

I was tagged by @alyssoid (thank you🥰🥰)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

102 :D

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,145,734

3. What are your top five fics by kudos?

I’d Like to Be My Old Self Again (But I’m Still Trying to Find It) (743 - Spider-Man: No Way Home)

A tie between Life Is a Risk, but We Will Take It (384 - JATP) and I’m Only One Call Away (384 - 911 Lone Star)

Our Best Days Are Yet Unknown (333 - JATP)

a voice i can't forget (323 - JATP)

Will You Hold Her Tight and Not Let Go? (320 - JATP)

4. What fandoms do you write for?

Mainly Julie and the Phantoms (with a side of the Shadowhunter Chronicles), but I've written a lot about Legacies too and I'm currently going through a Thundermans phase

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! If you take the time to say you liked my fic, I will take the time to say thank you - Sometimes I feel like i get repetitive, but honestly every time I say thank you I really mean it❤️

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Although I would argue that it's essentially a happy ending, I have to say i'm talking to a memory (haunted by the moments of what we used to be)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of my fics have happy endings, I'm not sure what would count as the happiest one - maybe Life Is a Risk, but We Will Take It mainly because it was never supposed to turn into a series so I kind of closed the story in a very ✨The End✨ way

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Happy to say I haven't gotten any and hope it remains like that😅

9. Do you write smut?

I don't

10. Do you write crossovers?

well, yes😅 At 48 (and a half) parts the JATP X Shadowhunters crossover is nearly done

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I know👀

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

No, but I think I would find it really hard, I need to be in charge of everything when I'm writing😅

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I really don't think I can just pick one, it depends on my hyperfixation at the time😅 But Malec has always been a favorite of mine and I will always love Juke and Willex❤️

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I actually have two active WIPs right which are both getting finished (one of them pretty soon, the other one I'm pretending is not there, but it's definitely getting finished😅) There was a Juke pregnancy fic that I started years ago though and I really tried to keep writing it but it just wasn't meant to be

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'd say probably writing about the emotional state the characters are in, the angstiest the better😅 I think some of my best writing parts have been when characters are going through Something

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I've said it once and I'll keep saying it - describing people's appearances and places in detail, I really don't know how to casually say oh this person looks like that without making it obvious that I'm trying to tell you what they look like😅 Which is one of the reasons why I love fanfiction, readers already know what everyone looks like

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

Well, English is not my native language so technically everything I've written has been in a different language😅 But yeah, if it makes sense within the story I'll try to go for it, but usually only if it's a language I (or someone I know) knows so I can check it first because I really don't want it to sound insanely wrong and the Internet isn't always helpful - I once added my own native language in a fic for a few lines of dialogue so that was fun :D

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Well, officially Julie and the Phantoms, unofficially I think probably Teen Wolf

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

So far i'm talking to a memory (haunted by the moments of what we used to be) still remains my favorite - I put my blood sweat and (literal) tears into this fic, I will forever be proud of it

No pressure tagging @writerownstory @mac-lilly

[oubliette-odette]

The Reluctance of Love Pt. 13

Guys, I really didn't expect this to turn into anything serious, but now this is turning into like a full blown novel. In fact, I've been having so much fun writing it, that it's gotten me to start NaNoWriMo this year - which I haven't done for a couple years. Regardless of whether or not this is actually a good story, I'm having fun practicing my writing and sharing it with you nice people, so wish me luck and thank you as always for your support! :)

Orc Male x Half-Elf Male, Fated Mates, Forbidden Love, Slow Burn Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14 Word Count: 3349 (average 25 min read) Content Warnings: mention of mating, homophobia, fantasy racisms. Steamy scenes will come to those who are patient. :) All orcish is from orcishdictionary.com, created by Matt Vancil.

I had never cried my whole life, as far as I could recall. Being raised in an orc commune doesn’t really create an environment for crying. You were expected to be tough…or die. I was used to shouldering through any hardship with grit and determination and keeping your chin up and proud throughout the challenge. 

However, I was unable to be strong watching Altan leave me again. 

I wasn’t sure what to do with all of the water leaking from my eyes and I stood stunned and gasping for air as I shuddered and shook.

How many times would I have to watch us do this? To be so close, so near, and then suddenly so far apart again? How many times would I have to see the back of him, leaving me?

Doxxah seemed to understand the whole of our situation without asking any questions and they were very patient with me the next few days as I struggled to stay focused on any basic task. I noticed how they would tell me to take breaks more frequently and conveniently dropped more cinnamon rolls on the floor - which meant they couldn’t be sold and I would have to eat them. They were caring for me like a coddling parent and even though I didn’t have the awareness to say anything then, I appreciated it more than they would ever know.

The day following Altan’s visit, there was a message delivered from the Duke’s Hall with a message that I was not allowed any contact with Altan, or there would be repercussions. There were no further details on what those repercussions would be.

“Why can you not just run away with him?” Doxxah asked.

I shook my head, “Altan is scared of his father. He pursued him across the continent to the Sword Coast when he ran away. I cannot imagine the consequences if he ran away with an orc like myself.”

“So now what? You wait for the Duke to die?” Doxxah asked. “It’s been almost a month since you’ve been here, what will you do?”

I shook my head, I didn’t really know. 

And Doxxah didn’t know either, but they promised me a place to stay for as long as I needed - forever if need be. I was grateful to them. So grateful to them and I promised to work hard to earn such generosity.

We agreed it would not be wise for me to go with Doxxah to make deliveries in the Hall, but Doxxah promised me that they would relay any messages to Altan if they were able.

What could I say in such short words that would quantify everything that I was feeling, everything I wanted to tell him? I wanted to tell him that I loved him in return. So much. I wanted to ask him to make sure he was eating enough, that he was staying out of trouble, that he was still making music. I wanted to ask if he missed me? Would he wait a long time for me? Or should I ask him to find someone else to love if our love was doomed from the beginning?

Instead, I gave Doxxah two word: djefham simpsad.

“What does it mean?” They asked.

“Light eternal.” I said. That was what Altan was to me, my eternal light. He was like the sun, wherever he was, I would bask in his light, burn in his gaze if he let me. 

Doxxah returned with Altan’s message on a slip of paper with Altan’s rushed handwriting; an Elven phrase that I spent the next few days tirelessly working to translate: “My light is yours eternally, my heart will be wherever you are, but I am most earnest to see you again.”

“You two are a bit disgusting.” Doxxah said, their voice endearing. “I’ve never seen such a sappy romance like the two of yours.”

I dismissed the teasing with a friendly smile and pocketed the note, it would stay close with me for however long I’d be away from him.

I worked through those days with a determination to earn a chance to be with him again. I took every day with the belief that if we were meant to be, an opportunity would reveal itself. Some god must have blessed us to be together if we were drawn to each other so randomly, I had to believe that they would bless us again. 

And the blessings came rather unexpectedly. 

It had been many weeks since Commander Gideon had visited, but he returned one quiet morning, dressed in common clothes. Doxxah greeted him with a flurry of hands reaching for all of the goods that they would be sending off with him.

“I have news.” Commander Gideon said quietly, but loud enough to catch my attention. I looked up from the back and caught his eyes on me. He gave a micro nod, and I wiped my hands on the apron I was wearing and came closer to the counter. 

Doxxah and I stood, expectant and curious.

Gideon reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope. “I am reluctant to give this to you without providing some caution.”

“What is it?” Doxxah asked.

He continued to look at me intently, “It is an invitation to the Autumn Gala, addressed to Doxxah and those in your employ.”

Doxxah clapped their hands together. “Oh how delightful! I was wondering when my invitation would come! Drunrag this will be wonderful for you to see Altan!” They reached for the envelope, but Gideon snapped it just out of reach. 

“I believe the Duke is putting you,“ He nodded at me, “in a position to be caught with the young Hilmar. I promised the Young Lord that I would do my best to help you, and I have kept the Duke off your scent as much as possible, but I cannot protect you if you put yourself in the direct attention of the Duke. He is determined to find fault in you to remove you from this place. Do you understand?”

Doxxah looked over to me, their eyes narrowed, “Drunrag can control himself, right?”

I nodded, “I understand, Commander.”

He nodded and then put the envelope back in front of Doxxah. “I am relieved to hear you say this. I do not wish to see this end poorly for the two of you.” He glanced between us and bowed his head. “Del sends her love, good day.”

He turned and left and I stood in awe, the envelope still sealed in Doxxah’s hands.

“You will go?” I asked.

Doxxah nodded, “I must, I have a reputation to uphold.” With a deft slice of their claw, they unsealed the envelope and slid out the card that was pressed with gold foil script in big, curling letters. It was impossible for me to read. “And you? You will go?”

I nodded, “Even if it’s to see him from afar, I will go.”

Doxxah snorted then gasped, “Oh, but what will you wear? Darling I hate to break it to you, but you have no sense of taste.” 

I shook my head, “I…I don’t know.” I didn’t consider that this was in fact, a gala. That usually included posh people in clothes that were worth more than my forge.

“Leave that to me.” Doxxah said, “Trust me that I will make you stunning for your beloved.”

The gala was in two weeks, and they were probably the longest two weeks of my life. Now that I knew a chance to see Altan was coming, I was antsy for time to move faster. 

Doxxah delivered another message to him for me, containing the words, “Kupu, wakka dra natha.” Soon, I will see you. 

Altan’s reply: I yearn to be seen by you. 

Oh, Altan was maddening with his words. He was teasing me, pulling me into a state of want that I didn’t know I could feel for someone. 

I realized that this was the first time I had felt such strong feelings for anyone in my life. Ever. And to my own delight all of it was free from the rules of mating or lust. It was because of who Altan was. It was because of who I was. We were somehow just meant to meet, to be friends, and then naturally become…lovers?

The word still scared me. I realized that we had never really touched each other, except for in small fragile moments, but somehow he left me breathless, wanting, and yearning. I missed the nights that we used to be able to speak to each other through our dreams. It would have eased much of my worry and anxiety if I could just speak to him and comfort him. I worried what his father was doing to him. I worried that he was losing his light being confined there. He was meant to be free, to be roaming with the sun on his skin. He was not one to keep inside, locked up. 

I played with the vial around my neck. Possibly drinking it would return those dreams to us, but also everything else. It was a gamble to do that to ourselves, to Altan. The cost wasn’t worth it, but I still went to bed every night tempted to down the crimson liquid just so I could see him again. 

But the weeks eventually passed and the night of the Gala was upon us. My stomach was tight and Doxxah struggled to get me to do anything that day. I was completely useless, more a corpse than a body in the bakery and Doxxah finally banished me to my room to dress in the clothes they purchased for me and to stay out of the bakery. 

Doxxah had measured me and sent in an order for something tailored to fit me. I pulled from the box they handed me three articles of clothing. The first, a pair of black pants that fit loosely around my thighs, the inseam was low and gave the pants a baggy, loose look, but it narrowed on my shins and tucked neatly into the black boots that Doxxah had also purchased for me, they were a soft leather that was polished to a bright shine. The final piece was a black shirt with a low, almost plunging collar. My collarbone was nearly fully exposed, which Doxxah promised me it looked very enticing and would likely be to Altan’s taste. I trusted that they were right. The shirt had no sleeves, looking almost more like a vest, leaving my shoulders and arms exposed - also said to be enticing according to Doxxah. The buttons that run down the front were black pearl buttons and there was gold embroidery that was thin and subtle across the entirety of the fabric, it flashed and shimmered in only certain light, making Doxxah clap in delight. 

The night of the gala, Doxxah insisted that my hair be released from its topknot and be let free. I had come to learn that Doxxah having claws for hands did not stop them from being incredibly adept with them and they worked through my dark hair with experience, creating complicated braids that pulled the hair from my face. They told me that it helped accentuate my cheekbones and jaws - which were apparently also enticing. 

I didn’t realize so much about me could be described in such a way. Did Altan see these same things in me?

I was honestly a bit scared to find out. 

Doxxah hired a carriage to take us to the Duke’s Hall, even though it wasn’t far of a walk to get there. I learned in the last month that Doxxah also appreciated the finer things in life - I had learned much about hygiene, appearance and poise in that time that I had never learned in my lifetime.

My heart was beating wildly inside me. I had to be on my best behavior. I knew that the Duke was likely orchestrating all of this to meet my demise, but I would prove to him that I was worthy to love his son. And I had to see Altan again. It was a need I could not deny anymore.

The Great Hall was bursting with light, large chandeliers bouncing and refracting it into every corner and as we stepped into the room, I felt cold and my stomach tightened as I saw the crowds that swelled the space. I couldn’t make out faces, there were too many, and I didn’t want them looking at me in return. They were all human and they all were shorter, more slim, more smooth than either Doxxah or I. There were so many in large, voluminous gowns that sparkled and swished as they moved. Many people were dancing in the center of the hall as music rose and fell.

While Doxxah lifted their chin in pride and displayed their glistening violet scales and matching purple suit coat for all to see, I was caught frozen in that moment. I couldn’t be here. This is exactly where I didn’t belong. This is how people like me get hurt, get cornered into something dangerous.

Doxxah patiently pulled me back to their side and tried to remind myself to breathe as I stumbled into pace with them. My head felt dizzy as I brushed against more and more people and they all would turn and suddenly their eyes would widen at the sight of me. I couldn’t hide what I was to them. I couldn’t soften myself to fit them and I felt so wrong. 

“Doxxah, what a pleasant time to have you with us.” I turned to see the Duke approaching us, a wine glass in hand. “And I see you brought your newest employee.” I felt his stare on me, and how he took in everything that I’m sure he saw as wrong and distasteful.

Doxxah nodded, their grin was friendly but guarded. “He has joined as my apprentice.”

“And will he be staying long?”

Doxxah glanced at me and shrugged. “As long as he chooses.”

The Duke met my eyes and bowed before me. I felt the mockery in it and tensed as he extended his hand. “Duke Telaisin Hilmar, at your service. What may I call you?”

“Drunrag.” I answered, my hand hovered over his hand before Doxxah nudged my elbow and I took his hand in mine. “Drunrag Ulurat, Your Grace. It is an honour to meet you.” I had rehearsed the words again and again with Doxxah, but I still found them falling out of my mouth with heavy and webbed disdain. 

“You know my son, I hear.” he said, now standing at his full height, I saw that he was not much shorter than I and his upward gaze was only slight.

I answered with reluctance “I was able to help him when he was visiting the Sword Coast.”

“How lucky my son was to find such a close friendship with you.” The Duke said. “I must thank you for keeping him safe while he was away. And I’m grateful that you could be here to join us tonight, for I’ve made big plans for him tonight that will take him away from Berdusk, somewhere where he can’t be followed. His future is bright and I’m sure you understand how important it is that I send him where he won’t be distracted.”

I felt the heaviness of his words and I met his cold gaze, “I understand, Your Grace.”

“He takes on much of his mother’s traits, he loves easily and rushes into things rather rapidly.” He continued, my eyes darkened at his words, “I often find he goes through these phases that often hurt him in the end. I’m doing my best to protect him from such things, but he has remained willful and distracted since his return.” He regarded me, looking me up and down. “This change will do him good. I hope you don’t choose to follow him again. His future and yours do not align.” 

I didn’t answer, only stared back at him with my own cold, returning stare. 

“You understand?” His tone was becoming honey-sweet and cloying with charm. 

I felt Doxxah’s fixated stare on me, begging me to keep my mouth shut, but I felt my fists tighten and I raised my chin. “Altan is not a child. He does not need you to make his choices for him.”

“You will not be seeing him again after tonight, orc.” He said coolly. “You have tonight to say your goodbyes, and then you will leave and forget this place. If I ever find that you are seeking my son, I will see you suffer for it.”

He bowed towards Doxxah and turned away, not giving me a second glance.

[anunusers]

Hiya love!!

Saw your post and though I would ask! 😁

Can I ask all of them? 1-36 lmao

Last question is: what's your biggest fear?

Love u, byeeeeee🩷

OMG this made me so happy!!!!! I'm a nobody and you want to know about me?!?!? 😭means the world to me!!!❤️I love you !!!!!

I did try to answer all of the questions and I thought I posted it but I am new with posting so please forgive me! Also, I'm an over sharer so I'm sorry in advance for that too!

What is your nickname?

Lately, my colleagues have been calling me Jay. Other times I'm Jen or Jenni.

When is your birthday?

4/3 :)

What was your longest relationship?

I've only been in one serious relationship and those were the hardest 4 years of my lifeeeee! Seriously, barely made out alive. 😮‍💨

What is your favorite book?

I have so mannnnyyy! It's so hard to pick one but I'll share a few that actually caught my attention and still have resonated with me:

A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman

Anxious People by Fredrik Backman

Tony and Susan by Austin Wright

It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover

I'm thinking of ending things by Iain Reid

I honestly have so many more, but these are the ones I have read recently and absolutely loved. Also, Fredrik Backman is currently my fav author so I definitely recommend checking him out !

What is something you're insecure about?

My appearance for sure. I don't feel confident in my looks whatsoever haha. I feel like I am fugly most of the time but that just what has been embedded in my brain since I was younger. Also, I've recently have gotten insecure with my voice. Which is so random but I kind of hate my voice LOL.

5 Male celebrity crushes

Jake Gyllenhaal (obvy LOL), Pedro Pescal, Jaime Camil, Tenoch Huerta, Aaron Taylor-Johnson. I honestly have many more and they are all from Novelas. That is all I grew up watching with my mom hehe.

5 Female celebrity crushes

Elizabeth Olsen, Emma D'arcy, Scarlett Johanssan, Ana de Armas, Anne Hathaway and again, I am many many moorreee.

What is your dream job?

I always wanted to do something in music or theatre. A singer or actor. I was a huge choir nerd in high school. I even did piano lessons for a few years. On my last year of high school, I ended up doing theatre and it was so much fun! I did plays and that experience really made me love theatre. Maybe one day in the future... 🙏

What do you consider your biggest accomplishment?

I haven't accomplished much in life to be honest so I don't know what I would consider an accomplishment. Maybe being able to learn different professions throughout the years. I am a Certified Patient Care Tech and all though I am not even that work field anymore, I still very much enjoyed learning about the healthcare process and what different titles mean when it comes to taking care of patient and getting the help that they need.

What is a fact about you that nobody would believe?

I have no clueeeeeeeee......maybe that I'm from MX ?? LOL My accent is completely gone now from the 12 years that I've lived in the States. Which is so sad cause not only do I suck at speaking English, my Spanish is going down hill too.. I'm slowly turning into a sabo kid!! 😭😭

What were your highs and lows for this last month?

Lately, my lows have been just feeling very lost and out of place. I feel like I should be at a certain point in my life but I am so far from reaching it or maybe I won't ever come close but yeah, its a very crappy feeling. My high this month is definitely receiving this ask from you. Made my day 100% better! ❤️

Where is somewhere you'd like to visit?

I have sooooooo many places I would like to visit!!! In States, I would love to visit New York, Florida for Universal Studios and World Disney. Out of States, I would love to visit Sweden, Italy, Japan, South Korea.

How do you de-stress?

I nap like my life depends on it. I'm stressed, NAP. Upset, NAP. Happy, NAP. Sad, Nap. I could rot happily in my bed if I could get paid for it.

What are your favorite apps besides tumblr?

I honestly only mainly use Tumblr and Tiktok LOL they control my life right now. I don't think I use any other apps. Maybe Amazon and Barnes & Nobles 😁

Describe yourself in one sentence.

Lover girl in a world where love no longer exists. 🫠

What do you think makes you attractive?

I don't know actually... I would like to say my personality perhaps? I think I'm pretty cool I think I'm quite hilarious actually haha. I had someone once say that my eyes and smile was the most attractive thing about me, but I think the opposite.

What is something you're really good at?

Procrastinating. I procrastinate so good that when the deadline of something is like 5 minutes away, I overwork and stress myself out so bad that my work just comes out beautifully. I work amazing under extreme and stressful situations. Not healthy at all so please don't try!!!!

What is something you're really bad at?

Math. Which is funny because I was doing accountant work for a Retail store as my first job and I was amazing. Maybe it was the power I felt while holding thousands of dollars a night while making minimum wage 🥲LOL

A time that you told a lie.

I never lie, I speak my truth all the time but while I was in my first serious relationship, I lied ALOT about being okay and happy. It was such unhealthy relationship for me and I wanted to keep the peace at all times that I lied a lot to my family. Trust me when I say, even if they are older, does not mean they are mature. Learned that the hard way.

What's a totally random and useless fact that you know?

Our brain doesn't know our eyeballs exist and if they did know, they would attack them. You can permanently go blind if our brain was like, "wait a min, where did they come from??" Freaking GNARLY!

Who knows you the best?

My mommy ❤️

What is your most prized possession?

I am in LOVE with V for Vendetta. From the moment I saw it back when my dad would let us rent random movies from Blockbusters, I just love it. I read the comics and love the theatrics of how V is and how beautifully he was portrayed by Hugh Weaving. I ended up buying a screenplay book that contains the directors notes and small changes that were made that didn't make it to the movie and that is my most prized possession. Definitely fueled my love for acting and everything that comes from just being able to shoot a movie.

What is your longest friendship?

9 years but unfortunately, life drifted us apart :(

When did you first feel like an adult?

When I did my taxes for the first time. I was not ready to adult, and I still can't adult correctly but surviving!

Do you/ Have you played any sports?

Yes, volleyball!!!! My family used to play it all time when we lived in MX. I turn into a competitive monster.

How are you feeling right now?

Tired and hungry. I've been surviving on Moster Energy drinks these last few days.

Are you an early bird or a night owl?

I'm honestly neither. I used to be able to stay up all night but now, I can barely wake up early and can barely stay awake lol I'm old now.

Do you believe in love at first sight?

I do, I'm a hopeless romantic.

Favorite song lyrics right now?

I've been listening to sad songs lately. Currently have I Can't Make You Love Me by Bon Iver on a constant loop. "I'll close my eyes, then I won't see. The love you don't feel when you're holding me. Morning will come and I'll do what's right. Give me 'til then to give up this fight." UGH gets me every time! 😭

What does self care look like for you?

Honestly, a nice hot bath in a candle lit bathroom, bright enough to be able to read a book and because I love in AZ, thunderstorm sounds in the background. My definition of self care ❤️

Describe yourself with 3 singers.

This is on hard! I don't know. Ummmmmm can I say 3 of my favorite singers? Amy Lee from Evanescence, RAYE, and Beyonce.

What makes you nervous?

Knowing that we have only explore 5% of the ocean and ocean nearly takes 70% of our planet. Not sure what phobia that is but thinking about that makes me nervous. Also meeting new people. I'm very shy so I get super nervous and anxious.

What’s a pet peeve you have?

When I am with someone and I am sharing something or just telling them something and they are on their phone, not listening at all. Then they have the audacity to say, "Huh?" Like no thank you. The excitement is over and now I'm hurt. 🥲

What will always make you cry?

Thinking about my life. Kidding! I am a huge crybaby so it doesn't take much to make me cry. Show me a sad video, I'll cry a river.

What kind of first impression do you think you make on people?

I don't know, I smile a lot so maybe they form some kind of opinion based on that. I hope it's all good first impressions though. 😊

Special Question: What's your biggest fear?

I have a lot of fears and some may seem so little. I am afraid of never being able to accomplish or become the person I dreamt of being. I'm afraid that I will never get back on track with how I envisioned I would be right now at 24. It's dumb little things that scare me. Never finding love and having a family of my own or not being able to be fully happy. Sometimes it feels like something is missing and maybe that's why I have been feeling lost lately. Those are biggest fears.

THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN!!! I really enjoyed answering these questions and would totally love to see you answering them too!!!!!! Love you!!!❤️❤️❤️

[televinita]

You know what it's been far too long since we did? (that's right a reading triage)

Now that my library account is all clean & current, and I had even gotten it down to a mere seven checkouts (3 of which are ready to return once I finished my review), and was starting to look at books I own again...naturally, I celebrated by stopping at 3 locations in a day and attempting to check out the weight of a medium-sized dog in fresh titles.

Not to quote The Floor, but...let's look at my options. (in no particular order)

ROMANCE

1. Next To You - Hannah Bonam-Young: I actually read half of this one outside before I even came home today, but I'm including it anyway because I find her writing style very enjoyable, even though this is my least favorite so far because I don't love the female main character.

2. Sweeten the Deal - Katie Shepard: how has it been almost a YEAR since I read (& loved) the first book in this series of interconnected standalones. I must have more of this delicious brand. ...but maybe I should wait for when I'm less dangerously close to burning out on romance? It's just this was one of the last two I had in my possession before today's Extravaganza.

3. Housebroke - Jaci Burton: an entirely random checkout that is probably gonna be 3 stars, but also features an FMC with 5 foster dogs who is temporarily between homes and relying on the kindness of the guy who just bought the house of the people who'd been letting her stay in it. So!

4. Pickleballers - Illana Long: this one is even more likely to be 3 stars (its Goodreads average is so low omg), but also, maybe it's just kind of fun? Whatever! I've heard of this one before and it was there so I grabbed it!

5. Right on Cue - Falon Ballard: I really liked Lease on Love and this is the one on her backlist that intrigues me 2nd-most, so as long as it was on my For Later library list and checked in... it's low priority, though. because, again, fear of burnout = I prioritize the books I wouldn't mind having a 3-star-average time with.

YA

6. Begin Again - Emma Lord: this is not the first time I've checked this YA out, but it is the time of year in which I'd like to read it, based mainly on the cover colors (it's just giving such strong "what if Annie actually transferred after season 1 of Community" vibes), so on the pile it went.

7. The Start of Me & You - Emery Lord: same with this one. I almost started this one today instead of Next To You, because it was such a sunny day, but that one had a waitlist and this doesn't, so. I haven't read a YA in over a month and I miss it.

8. The Lightness of Hands - Jeff Garvin: a random pick from my Goodreads TBR that I added back when we were rewatching Revolution, so I was (naturally) on the hunt again for books featuring single dads w/ teenage daughters. It's never felt quite right for Miles & Charlie, but I couldn't kick it off once I'd found it, and now that I'm actively looking at the description of this Sad Dad once more, my brain is like "oh hey. we're not actually out of the Adam Scott phase yet are we. Opportunity?"

[edit: I started this one but god it is long, and I feel so meh about both characters that after 25 pages I started looking up reviews and honestly, it's been almost 4 years since this was published. I will bet heavily on a better option having appeared since then, and when I need this dynamic, I'll go hunting afresh. maybe come back to this one if I end up desperate,but for now, I am no longer actively planning to finish this]

LITERARY/HISTORICAL FICTION

9. Time After Time - Lisa Grunwald: speaking of books I added to my Goodreads TBR years ago because of a TV rewatch, this was added because of Pushing Daisies (keyword searches: books where people are in love and Yearning because they can't touch, or they otherwise have obstacles to a normal relationship). It was a new release then & the waitlist was long, and I believe David Tennant took the fannish-focus crown back before I got to it. But now that I've just read Dawnland, the sequel to April & Oliver aka another book that fit this criteria... well, this is the most I've felt drawn to it in at least 5 years. Only problem is it's very chunky, and it also feels like it might be better as a winter read. But we'll see.

[edit: I started this one too, felt meh, ended up skimming and I don't think it will work for my purposes as well as i want, and THIS is long too so tbh, I don't really wanna invest the time]

MYSTERY

10. Eleven Stolen Horses - Robin Somers: I was literally walking to the checkout station, arms straining under my towering stack, when I saw this on display. May have actually spun on my heel with an inward groan when I realized I couldn't resist taking a look, and when I saw the Nevada setting + "In her search to find Rette, Eleanor discovers the dark world of today's inhumane treatment of wild horses," I snatched it IMMEDIATELY. This will, if nothing else, be a good change of pace genre-wise. But honestly I'm pretty excited to start it.

FANTASY

11. Apprentice to the Villain - Hannah Nicole Maehrer : maybe? I don't know if I want to dive into this right away, or save it for when I really want a guaranteed hit of fun, since book 3 isn't out until August and who knows when my library will get it. But it was available, so I grabbed it.

MIDDLE GRADE

12. The Adventure is Now - Jess Redman: I've been interested in this since it was picked for a Once Upon a Book Club box, but it's always had an absurdly long waitlist for a book I've never heard about otherwise and that doesn't have any awards and is not by a mega-name author (where are the kids hearing about it??). My library finally went up 20 physical copies and now it's finally checked in, so I'm going for it. Love a "video-game-loving kid gets stuck on a remote island for the summer, finds real-life adventure equally cool, nature maybe not that bad."

NONFICTION

13. Downton Shabby: One American's Ultimate DIY Adventure Restoring His Family's English Castle - Hopwood DePree: I remember reading an article about this venture a while back, and then I saw this while browsing BookOutlet. Didn't really wanna buy, but I put it on my library list, and today was the kind of day where I look at said list and check out everything that even might appeal to me in the next 2 months.

14. The Backyard Bird Chronicles - Amy Tan: I am very here for a soothing birdwatching memoir (with illustrations!), especially one that started in 2016 when the author grew overwhelmed by the way hatred & misinformation "became a daily presence on social media, and the country felt more divisive than ever. In search of peace, Tan turned toward the natural world just beyond her window." Well that sounds familiar! Technically this one is still in transit or I probably would have started it today. But it still has a sizable waitlist, so it will be priority #1 once I pick it up.

[jesncin]

5 days long anon again. Yeah, it took a while because I kept reworking and trying to find the right words. words are hard. Plus anxiety. Constantly worrying if it would be right or sound right. Right now I'm riding the high of "it WAS fine!!" so I'm feeling more confident in sending this.

The whole "oooh superhero lied to someone how bad" when it's about their identity? One thing I clipped from the previous ask was talking about how of course a hero should not disclose their civilian ID because that would put any family or friends in danger. A reporter SHOULD understand that! Or at least a kind one. Of course Clark wouldn't be going around telling people if only because he wants to keep his parents safe. Yet you can't look me in the face and tell me that the Kents wouldn't be leery about telling people their son's origins as an alien regardless of when the story is set because technically? Illegal immigrant baby. Illegal immigrant alien baby, whom any spooky group (military/research/???) might want to get their greasy mitts on. I can see that kind of worry leaving marks on him too, even though he is trying to be kind and good.

Maybe it was "too soon" but Kal-el is talking to someone he's grown to know as both Clark Kent and Superman. Who he feels he can take that risk with. And with something... not small, exactly, but not as harmful to his life as he lives it on Earth? It's not quite a test of trust because that would be too calculated for it but it is something more honest and raw and the little voice in the back of the head going "do you understand? do I understand?".

"I've had to justify fanon to canon" is... odd. Have you had to with the Martians or is it specifically your take on Lois? I admit I haven't been able to read all the comics and random sketches yet but everything I've seen has been built on the trend of compassion and care whether it is for it or in spite of it. ...and sexy abs. (Rudy.)

Run out of steam/focus so hope you have a good night again.

Hiya 5 days anon (Here I am responding now after the strike)! And no worries, I appreciate people taking their time thinking of what to say.

Right! Even without any Superhero-level fantasy stuff- irl journalists write under pseudonyms or protect the privacy of the people they're interviewing all the time (Lois did this in Girl Taking Over!!). This notion that reporters are Kantian "Lying Is Always Bad No Matter What" people is frankly a caricature. Fun for silver age shenanigans, but not if you want your story to have any sort of depth. And yeah! Clark is an illegal immigrant baby. It shouldn't take much imagination to see why he and the Kents would want to keep that a secret (alas some stories think otherwise- I can't help but call the emotional intelligence of the characters into question at that point).

Yeah! I don't imagine Superman telling Lois his Kryptonian name as something pre-meditated, it's very spur of the moment trust. The idea is that he's not ready to disclose his civilian identity yet, but he is trusting Liando with something far more personal.

It's mostly been my Superman stuff. I don't post my Martian art on twidder especially since well. I've always gotten one or two racist comments on my Clois comics but the Private Interview comic just unleashed the floodgate for racist comments. If I get that much heat for a cishet interracial couple, you can imagine how gross people would be to my Martian stuff. There's a portion of cape fandom that just doesn't understand fanon or interpretations and are vehemently against any sort of change. So I get silly comments asking me to justify the change ("Why is Lois Black??") or backhanded compliments hailing me as "the exception to racebends". It's annoying, but in the end the comic really wasn't for them. It's for people like y'all who get it! (like Rudy)

Thank you and good day/night!

[ghostintheheadset]

watchmojo's top five headphones_haver fics of 2023 (not clickbait)

I'm looking at my 2023 stats on ao3 and fandom disparities are really funny to me lmao, my main fandom at the moment is fe3h, and of the 22 fics I posted this year, 19 of them were fe3h.

All three of the non-fe3h fics are my top three most kudos'ed fics of the year:

It goes without saying ofc that these numbers don't really matter, if I was only doing this for the kudos I'd be writing m/m genshin fic, and it's not really surprising why the numbers are the way they are- both my Pokemon and Zelda fics were posted within a few months of the game coming, and gwitch is also relatively new and I was writing for far and away the most popular ship. Meanwhile, 3h is now past the 4 year mark, and largely m/m dominated while the majority of my fics are f/f. While I would certainly enjoy all my fics getting popular, seeing the numbers like this makes it easy to remember that engagement isn't a metric of quality.

(In that vein, Falling is probably the fic I spent the least amount of time on this year, being impulse-written in about 2 hours. Sometimes niche fics you pour your heart and soul into can't reach the same level of popularity as wider-appeal stories you wrote much more quickly, and that's okay)

That said, though, I am happy with the fics that made top 2. There's something satisfying about my first and last fics of the year being the most popular, and I am very happy with how the both of them turned out. They're both representative of the themes I like writing about and are both wholesome yuri, so I think they "belong" in the top 5 as much as any fic could be said to.

Numbers 4 and 5 are kind of a surprise to me- Pegasus Knight Dysphoria is a gen fic about a trans girl and Someday is an f/f rarepair. Of the 19 (wow) 3h fics I've written over 2023, these are not the two I'd expect to break into the top 5, but it's a pleasant surprise that they did!

Anyway, none of that actually matters beyond being mildly interesting to me specifically. Onward to 2024:

According to my stats page, I posted 126k words of fic in 2023, which averaged out to a little over 10k words a month or about 345 words a day. Not bad! Looking to get those numbers up next year though. If I don't, then that'll be okay, but 126k is the Word Count To Beat if possible.

I would also like to do some more fandom events! Apparently there's a FE rarepair week happening literally right now that I wasn't aware of until yesterday. Hoooopefully I'll be able to see more of that kind of thing now that I'm here, as they've always been a lot of fun when I could participate. I'm not leaving 3h just yet, but I would like to branch out a bit more- I definitely have more gwitch fics lined up, and I'd like to also branch out a bit and write for some other fandoms I haven't gotten around to yet.

Big writing goal is to finish Together We Ride, and also work on it more consistently. I was putting off starting it for a while because I wanted to "wait for a good time", but I realized if I kept that up it would never get started. Considering I started it in April and there's currently 7 chapters, it was in fact "not a good time", but! I am committed to seeing it through in the upcoming year.

That's about it I think. It's been lovely writing fic over the past year (and a great way to unwind from the Grad School Stress), and I'm very much looking forward to exploring more next year.

(might do a roundup later today of some fics from this year I really liked we'll see)

[thisapplepielife]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

I'm very belated for this, but thanks for the tag @hbyrde36!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

18! But a lot of those are in the Wildflowers series. (Maybe it should have been chaptered? I still don't know what the right answer was, lol.)

So, I basically have 3 things to read, if you count the two parts of the Jagged Little Pill series as one, and I always do. Wildflowers is for those that wanted more of Tuesday's, and not that many people wanted to read Tuesday's in the first place, haha. So it's a niche of a niche. But I hold it close to my heart, and it makes me happy that a few of you have been so on board with it, too. ❤️

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

487,289. Which is kind of crazy. I just looked, and I started writing You Oughta Know on July 30th, 2022. From then until today, that's 457 days. That's averaging over 1,000 words a day. That seems wild. (And I've got a lot of unpublished words still in the chamber, haha.)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Just Stranger Things right now, but I'm not opposed to branching out as the mood strikes. I think I'd love to take on David/Patrick of Schitt's Creek someday.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Take the Money and Run (by a country mile, lol)

You Oughta Know

I'm Brave, But I'm Chicken Shit

Tuesday's Gone With the Wind

You Don't Know How It Feels (I didn't realize it had overtaken the first part of Wildflowers, so that's fun! More readers must have enjoyed the look at the Corroded Coffin boys, and I dig it.)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! I definitely try to respond to them all. Sometimes I'm a little slow about it though, sorry!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I like a happy ending. But Time to Move On, I guess? It's just a part of a series, so it's not like the ending is permanently sad, but that one does end at a sad point in their lives.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of them are pretty happy, but I'm partial to the epilogue ending of Take the Money and Run. That will always have my heart. ❤️

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've gotten a very little, so I feel pretty lucky.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, and I write what fits the larger story, I hope. I've written M/M and F/M, so far. I haven't done a full PWP, though some of the parts of Wildflowers were supposed to be that, but the dang plot kept getting in the way. Whoops.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Just little brief ones, so far. There's a couple in Take the Money and Run that I find fun, but if you don't get them, I don't think they detract from the story.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, and I'm not sure it'd work for most of my stuff, with all the mixed media.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, I'm not sure how good I'd be at that. I write by jumping all over the place. That'd probably be annoying for someone else to deal with, lol!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

All time? Man, that's hard. I'm obviously deep in a Steddie hole at the moment. But I'll go with my first. Pacey and Joey of Dawson's Creek. They brought me into fandom, into fic, so they get the gold star. (For more current ships, definitely Steddie and David & Patrick of Schitt's Creek.)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don't really post anything I'm not basically finished with. But from my private stash, I like the idea of Here You Come Again, but I just have been writing other stuff. I'm going to take on my other Steddie (Untitled, But Not Really) WIP during NaNoWriMo. I've never done that before, so I thought might be fun, since I saw you can go rogue and write 50,000 words on something that isn't brand spanking new. So, even if that fic doesn't need 50,000 words to finish (and I'm not sure it does) it might give me the push to try to finish it up. I've been sitting on my hands on it since I decided to sign up, which is fine, I needed to finish up Wildflowers. (And get ahead on my Steddie Holiday Drabbles: I've finished 8 of the 30 so far.)

16. What are your writing strengths?

From the comments, I'm going to go with that I can make readers laugh from time to time, which makes me so happy. I also like to dig into the research.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Um, also the research, lol. Sometimes I'll be researching until I'm just wasting time. Some things really don't matter in the big picture. (But they do to me!!) And I need to learn to let them go.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

That's not something I've done, I don't think. But I have tried to respond to comments that were written in a different language using Google Translate.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Dawson's Creek. Many, many moons ago. At the turn of the millennium. (That's fun to say, ha!)

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Unpopular opinion time! I know Take the Money and Run is more popular. By, well, a lot. And I do love it. It gave me the bug to write long fic again. But I have big feelings for Tuesday's Gone With the Wind. It was such an undertaking. All the mixed media. The endless research. And I fell in love with those characters in the process.

It wasn't as popular as TtMaR, but that's okay. It makes me very happy that it reached even as many people as it did. I know that author's note was enough to scare anyone away, haha. Add in the CNTW and it's amazing anyone read it at all. Thanks to those of you that did! You've made me so happy. ❤️

I'm so late for this, I'm not gonna tag, but if you haven't done it and want to, please do!!

[c7thetumbler]

Quick Game Reviews: August 2024

Continuing on with August! A few days late because I was neck deep in the last game on here. It's very platformer heavy this month as well, but I was on a roll.

image from Steam page

Earth Defense Force 6 (Steam)

EDF! EDF!

EDF is a series that knows what it's about. Having played 4 and 5 on Steam as well, this is just more of that. The game boasts half as many more missions as 5 had, which is astonishing because 5 had 100 and that felt like way too many. I'm playing with friends and still haven't beaten it, but I hope to sometime soon.

The main difference I would say between this and 5 would be the plot. It's still the same tacky, B-movie plot with funny stilted dialogue and crazy scenarios, but they introduced a new element to it that lets it get even crazier but also makes me interested in what's going on past "How are we going to win". Gameplay wise, there's new weapons and enemies of course, and some of those new enemies require much more specific ways of dealing with them, but it still usually boils down to "Shoot them all really fast, and if they have a weak point shoot that." It's good, near-mindless fun and I appreciate that.

If you've played an EDF game before, this is more of the same and definitely best with a group of friends. If you haven't, keep that in mind and maybe wait for a sale.

Screenshot from my switch

New Pokémon Snap (Switch)

I didn't own Pokémon Snap on it's original release; I believe the first time I played it was on Wii VC, if not WiiU VC, so I had gotten far past 1st-gen hype that carried it a lot. It's a fun game, but it's pretty short and the lack of variety on each individual course wasn't doing it any favors. That's not to say I disliked it, but when this new one was announced I wasn't really in any hurry to try it out.

To it's credit, it's done a great job of adding features in a way that solves those issues with the original. You can level up each area as you get more points in it, which unlocks alternate routes and events in each one, and a number of them allow you to go at night which is a completely different experience as well. Your Pokedex also store 4 different rankings of pictures which have their own scoreboard, so you're encouraged to take pictures of the same Pokémon over and over again to get the best you can. I'll say this is a huge improvement, and worth the price of the game in terms of length at least, and that's without me going too far into the "post-game" content.

The game is a lot prettier than its current generation at the time, Gen 8, which is really funny given how poorly that game is run. It does a good job of showing you how expressive, interesting, and deep world that the Pokémon games have built but never have been able to explore upon fully due to the scope of those games and Gamefreak's... development practices. Pokémon's a franchise with a lot of incredibly unique gaming potential and side games like this do a great job of exploring that.

I did however find myself getting frustrated at some points. The Challenge system they have where NPC's give you tasks to try and get unique photos is very finnicky. I've often done pictures that I thought would fulfill their requirements, only for them to not even acknowledge it. I didn't complete a vast majority of them because of this; this kind of game benefits from not having to look things up online because the wonder and discovery is the point, but this could've used some work or an additional hint system for dumdums like me. Some of these challenges can also only be completed after unlocking levels and features and using them correctly, so it's especially frustrating to see the challenge pop up and attempt to do it several times only to discover that it's not possible until you hit level 3 and unlock the special glowy orb.

Overall though, this is Pokémon Snap but much larger and with a lot of great additions to the formula. If you enjoyed the gameplay of the original and want more, this will scratch that itch, but be prepared for some moments where you're confused on what to do next with little guidance.

Image from Steam page

Kitsune Tails (Steam)

I 100%'d this!

This is an adorable, very well done game. It's very much a love letter to SMB3 with some smaller SMW elements thrown in, and they're not only aware of that they've fully embraced it. I'd recommend it for anyone that just loved those classic Mario platformers, as it'll check all those boxes you know and love.

Kitsune Tails also features its own support for importing custom levels or even minigames based off of Lua and its own internal assets, complete with documentation and examples inside the local files for the game. That's something you don't see a lot, and even though I never made anything for it it was fun to mess around with. I will say that they will do themselves some favors if they find a way to make that work with Steam Workshop just inherently so players don't have to hunt around for files or join a discord with no anonymous accessibility (like forums used to do), but I won't count that against them because I have no idea how complicated that is. Update after I wrote this, Steam Workshop is now supported! That's the third time time they've updated the game with design changes and fixes that I was counting against it, which is very rad.

My only real complaints with it come in some more specific issues. A few levels could use some work design-wise; a few vertical levels really enjoy having enemies off-screen jump down to the next available platform to the player which is never fun, and there are some jumps and challenges that just don't feel right. Some enemies have clearly been designed to exploit difficult jumps and player behaviors. Monkeys that throw down diagonally at unforgiving intervals, and then drop down at an unavoidable rate. Ninja raccoons throw 3 projectiles very quickly as opposed to the traditional single projectile from piranha plants, ghosts perpetually chase you rather than being more manageable about directions your facing. It can lead to a lot of frustrating, repetitive fails that don't feel as fair as they could be, but ultimately with enough practice and patience nothing is insurmountable. Midway through my last run to get the hardest achievement they updated some of the problem jumps to be a bit easier which is appreciated, but these enemy issues don't feel addressable in the same way.

The story is adorable and lovely and genuine. Don't let "SMB3 but with fox girl lesbians," while true, color your perception of how the game presents itself or should play. This is a labor of love from a group of speedrunners, Mario fans, and the community that has kept that alive and evergreen.

Screenshot from my Switch

Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Rescue Team DX (Switch)

I wanted to get a game I could chill with on the couch while listening to podcasts with a drink and my cat, so I picked this up again. I had played the original game on DS and remember liking it a lot, and I've played a number of Mystery Dungeon-esque games in various forms so I figured this would be a good fit. The amount of time between then and now of course (20ish years?) allowed me to forget most of the story beats and I'm not sure entirely of everything that changed, but I'll try and recollect as much as I can.

Visually the filter really works for it; the storybook aesthetic is a lot more interesting than just generic Pokémon cartoon looks, and they recreated everything in 3D very well. The inclusion of several Gen 4 Pokémon, something which at the time of the original release wasn't out yet, was fun to see again and made me nostalgic for when Gamefreak actually tried to do tie ins like that. In terms of changes, I wish they had kept in the Basic Attack that was in the base game, as without it PP management becomes a real chore. While it's cool to see some enemies Mega-evolve in the later dungeons as well, it's not really much of a feature because every Pokémon gets that stat bonus if the right conditions are met anyway.

So from my perspective, this is really just an HD port of the original game; if they added new Pokémon or dungeons to it then they're VERY late in the game and I never grinded enough to get to them. So now I have to jump back to my running bit with Switch remakes releasing at crazy prices. This is available for $59.99 digitally, full brand new Switch Game price, despite just being a rerelease of a GBA/DS game. That's criminal; something like this should release for $30 tops, and without any real new content to justify that price increase there's absolutely no reason it should be less. They really undercut my point here though because just after I picked this up, they released the GBA version of the game on NSO+, so like. Just play that. Or if you don't have NSO+, I'll fall back on my previous statement from last month that The value of these 20+ year old games is essentially free given that it's so easy to find them online, they've been iterated on so many times, and the original developers aren't getting a cent of that anyway. I'm not against remakes, but let's start being realistic about it: if pirating the original takes as much effort as buying it and gives you a near identical experience to the remake, then the remake wasn't needed.

Save your cash. If you want a great Pokémon Mystery Dungeon experience, Explorers of Sky for the DS is generally considered the best in series, and I'd like to see them actually make an effort to drastically improve on this side-series next time.

Image from Steam page

Penny's Big Breakaway (Steam)

I 100%'d this as well!

I was super-excited for this when it was first announced. It was developed by Christian Whitehead and the team behind Sonic Mania, which is hands-down the best 2D Sonic game even still, and they proved that they could figure out and distill the formula down to one the best it could be. So seeing them do a 3D platformer that looked like it would build off of 2D Sonic momentum mentality in a way that 3D Sonic never did was exciting.

I may have over-hyped it. That's not to say this is a bad game; far from it! I had a lot of fun with it and enjoyed a lot of the challenges it brought. It's movement is well crafted and a lot of thought clearly went into the different ways a player could move around the world. But the game is less "3D, momentum-Based Sonic" and more "Mario Odyssey with a Yo-yo instead of a cap." There are a few ways to quickly build or gain speed, but overall most of your movement is going to be rolling on your yo-yo until you get to precision platforming, and then you need to take it slower to do your normal jump, swing jump, double jump, forward dive, etc. to get where you need to go.

The game has a combo system that reminds me a lot of Pizza Tower's combo system mixed with a skateboarding game's points. You do combos by doing tricks (any movement that isn't just walking and a normal jump), and the game feels like you can carry a combo through the entire level if you play your moves very precisely. In my experience however, that's pretty close to impossible and it's a little unclear what specifically breaks your combo. Often times I'm left trying to ride my yo-yo back and forth to figure out how to land on ground without actually landing on ground, and it didn't feel great in those moments. When everything worked out though it felt really fun, and I could see how a mastery of the mechanics could really make everything feel good.

Aesthetically the game looks great. Very heavily stylized in a way that reminds me of Sonic 3D blast and well-selected palette's and themes to bring it all together. Character design is a little wacky, but it fits within it and it's a very well executed look overall; something a lot of indies struggle with so it's great to see that they were able to carry over that skillset from how well they handled Sonic Mania.

So in short, if Mario Odyssey-style movement in Mario 3D land type linear levels appeals to you, then this is a good pick-up! It will however take a little while to get used to the movement in order to properly understand how the game wants you to traverse it.

Image from Steam page

Haiku, the Robot (Steam)

I nearly 100%'d this game! There's an achievement for going through it without repairing yourself or getting chips that help with that (ie, only healing at checkpoints), and I ruined that pretty early. I might go back and do that someday though.

This game is the "prequel" to Rusty's Retirement, which I reviewed last post. It's more that Rusty's Retirement just uses the same characters and some of the aesthetics. But it caused me to be interested in it, and I had a good time with it! It's very much a Hollow-Knight inspired metroidvania, right down to the healing ability and "chips" working like badges. It doesn't hold your hand for exploring, but to the game's credit I never felt lost, which is a problem I had with Hollow Knight itself.

The aesthetic is post-apocalyptic, rusty metal underground entirely inhabited by robots under attack from a virus that causes them to attack each other. The color palette is very muted; You're going to see a lot of Oranges, greys, and browns to match the very rusty look. It works well for it and a few bosses make a point to throw in other accents, but I can see some people getting tired of it.

Gameplay wise it's pretty solid! Everything feels pretty good, some of the traversal abilities are fun to mess around with, there's a lot of build options without feeling like some are objectively better than the other. Honestly, it's just a really solid title. If you like Hollow Knight or tried it and were a bit put off by its difficulty, then this is a great pick-up or alternative.

Image from Steam page

Psychonauts 2 (Steam)

I also 100%'d this

I really, really liked Psychonauts when I first played it on steam over a decade ago. It had a few issues, but overall was a really fun and quirky 3D platformer at a time when those had fallen a bit out of favor. The story and visuals were wacky, it was funny, and had a lot of unique challenges. I did not back any Psychonauts 2 funding attempts though due to the things going around about double fine and Tim Schafer's inability to handle scope, so I was never expecting this to come out. When it did I bought it and it's been in my backlog ever since.

I do really want to like this game; the platforming is fun, the progression and exploration are like how I remember. But this game really seems like it doesn't want you to play it. It took half of my time with the game to start to feel like there's more gameplay than cutscenes. Over and Over again it'll remind you how incredibly linear it is as you get to a new obstacle, area, or just story beat and then just say "hey you need to stop right there and listen to the story." It feels like it inherently clashes with the collectathon genre it's a part of; you want time with yourself and the world to go and explore and find things, but you're not sure if you've fully explored an area before you're thrown out of it entirely and usually irreversibly for a long time.

The story itself is interesting. It too a while to get into due to its first half doing some poor setup of the previous game(s) that made me uninvested in the nuance it was trying to get me into. I shouldn't feel like I need to have played Rhombus of Ruin, the VR exclusive game that occurred between 1 and 2, to have an understanding of a lot of these characters, but I feel like I missed out on a lot having not played it. Eventually though it starts building it's own story with those building blocks, and that's when it gets really good.

After I unlocked the real hub world and done about 3-4 sub worlds related to it, it started to feel like what I remember. It'll still do cutscenes to contextualize the strange, psychedelic worlds and challenges you see, but then it will for the most part let you play in them without throwing you into a cutscene and then out of the level entirely again. As I approached the end the cutscenes interruption got a little more bare able as the story's various threads tied together into something that didn't feel like padding, but the rocky start is a big ask and I can see players who haven't even touched either of the original games not being able to get key elements.

Combat is still a little wonky. I find myself mostly sticking to ranged attacks and gimmick abilities that you need to counter with rather than using the melee abilities that much. The PSI abilities themselves really could've used an update in terms of how they're accessed; You can map them to any one of the 4 shoulder buttons, but you'll always want levitation and your hand abilities available because they're just incredibly useful in and out of combat. That leaves you constantly opening a poorly handled radial menu to swap between you fire, ranged attack, and more situational abilities they like to swap between frequently. Given the either contextual nature of the gimmick abilities vs the universal ones, it feels like they didn't need a swap menu at all and could've incorporated the movement ones more easily into a context-specific button. I'm only ever going to need to jump between thought bubbles when there are thought bubbles around, use clairvoyance when creatures are nearby, slow time when a platform nearby is moving too fast etc., and that would free up the remaining buttons for your way more present actions of jumping/rolling, grabbing things, and combat abilities. It would lower the amount of unaccounted for freedom in handling combat and traversing levels, granted, but the game doesn't feel like it has enough depth and isn't open enough for that to feel like a bad trade-off.

If you liked the original Psychonauts and don't mind your gameplay being interrupted, having to to go back to worlds way later to 100% them, and are interested more in story, this is for you. If you want a seamless 3D platforming collectathon experience, I'd stay clear.

Image from the Gamebanana page

Super Mario Eclipse (Super Mario Sunshine GC mod)

This one surprised me; I had heard of a number of great Sunshine hacks that expanded on the game a lot more, but this one combines elements of a lot of them into one to make basically the most definitive Super Mario Sunshine experience + features and worlds that really bring it together well.

For the basics, the game starts out introducing new movement options and changes from vanilla, which is great. The hover burst, basically a double jump that sacrifices the length of the hover for an added boost, and it makes the game play a lot better. The hover nozzle course shows off dive boosting so you can fly crazy distances, and the turbo nozzle no longer has a charge up and controls much easier. Yoshi has also been updated to hatch automatically without fruit, and in this state he can enter water without dying until he eats a fruit, in which case he changes back to normal behavior. It all adds to the controls Sunshine really struggles with, and while the base layer is still there they're vast improvements.

The game contains the entirety of the original Super Mario Sunshine, including the tedious blue coin hunt, but adds quite a few additional levels. The levels are now interconnected, with physical paths between them being separate mini-rooms that add a lot of character to the game and make the world feel cohesive. Delfino also has 4 new levels that tie directly into the game and link nicely as well, though you can clearly tell what is new content and what isn't just because of the way Level geometry works out. Still, it really brings the whole game together, and with additions such as not kicking you out when you get shines that don't require a reload and a pause-menu Shine/Blue coin counter you're not left struggling as much as the original Sunshine had you doing.

Once you beat Bowser, you unlock Daisy Cruiser and a bunch more levels that, while smaller than the Delfino levels, are still pretty fun in their own right. I would've liked it if they had kept with the tropical + interconnected themes with these levels personally, as I think the best one of these levels is Yoshi's Island which actually does, but still it's a great amount of new content. Daisy Cruiser and Peach Beach are brought in directly from double dash, so there's some scaling issues and problems with layout that could've used some work rather than a direct port, but again they're still pretty fun. There's 240 Shines in this game, with 420 Blue Coins, and even after that there's still a large chunk of game for the 100% completion bonus, so you'll be spending a LONG time with this if you really love sunshine.

If you've not revisited Sunshine in a long time or have the itch to pick it up again, this is definitely the best way to do it. Really rounds out what was otherwise a pretty incomplete feeling game into a cohesive world and fun experience.

[imagining-in-the-margins]

Rejected Requests Pt. 16

Hello everyone! I am unfortunately back with another set of Rejected Requests (Pt 1, Pt 2, Pt 3, Pt 4, Pt 5, Pt 6 , Pt 7 , Pt 8 , Pt 9 , Pt 10, Pt 11, Pt 12, Pt 13, Pt 14, Pt 15)

I understand this is very disappointing for many of you. I promise it has nothing to do with you, and mostly it’s just because my brain has decided it doesn’t want to cooperate.

I will post the rejected fics below the cut. I want to give you the opportunity to ask another Writer (check the list of Writers seeking requests here!) For some of you, I've already heard back from someone who agreed to take over your request!

Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of experience with schizophrenia, so I wouldn't feel comfortable writing this fic. I wish you luck, though, and I hope you can find someone who can write it for you.

As much as I love Spencer teasing a blushy Reader, I don't have any particular ideas for this.

I'm the furthest thing from a pro athlete, so I'm afraid I wouldn't have much of a reference point for writing something like this!

I've never been great at writing shy Readers, and it's only gotten harder as I've gotten older 😅

I haven't been able to motivate to write a non-CM fic lately, so I'll have to pass for now! I still love me some Chip Taylor, though. I get it.

Absolutely adorable visual. I am, however, currently wedding planning myself (surprise!) and the idea of having to deal with that stuff in my escapist fantasies is a bit too much for me right now!

Ah, this is so fun, but it doesn't seem like something I could write very much about. I wish I could watch it as a video, though!

With all my medical trauma, which is currently a problem in my daily life, I'm not sure I can struggle through a request. I already have a couple requests I'm still considering that are similar, so keep an eye out!

This is such a lovely idea. I haven’t been feeling angst lately, but I know a ton of people always do. I’d love to see this classic one done!

I’ve thought about this idea a lot since I got this request. I might eventually write it, but I don’t have any inspiration to write it down right now. It's also super general, so I could see multiple great pieces coming from it!

This is such a cute request but I don’t have any concrete ideas for it. I hope someone has the inspiration to do it justice!

I’m afraid to get burnt out on Hotch’s daughter fics (only a few people know this, but… I do have a potential series for a Hotchner!Reader…). This is a wonderful idea, though. Definitely funny.

Ah, this would definitely spiral into a massive series for me, lmao. I unfortunately just don’t have that in me right now… but someone else should write it so I can read it 🤭

NSFW REQUESTS, MINORS DNI

I'm not too big on voyeuristic/getting caught situations, so I'll leave these wonderful ideas to someone else!

This is such a fun, niche little kink request, but I'm just not inspired enough to write something like this lately. I hope someone can do it for you, though!

This is simply not one of my interests. I think it's too similar to those "getting caught" kind of situations for me. I know it's pretty popular, though, particularly for submissive men!

I always struggle with as-smart-as-Spencer Readers. I wish you luck, though!

Ah, hybristophilia... I think I'm too far away from Protege to be able to go back to those kinds of kinks. I haven't been in a Dead Dove mood for a long time. Godspeed, though, friend. I feel you.

I got so many very specific female oral receiving requests in a row 😅 I burned myself out on the blurbs. This would have to be a much longer piece, which I'm just not sure I'm up for. Who doesn't love a flirty Reader, though?

I’m personally not a big fan of as-smart-as-Spencer Readers. I’m also not the biggest fan of lawyer Readers because I do enough of it at my day job 😭 it sounds like a lovely idea, though! And thank you for all the kind words ❤️

Songfics are super hard for me, unfortunately 😓 Especially if I don’t know the songs, which I don’t know either of these.

Sorry, friend! My request guidelines say I don’t accept requests involving cheating. I hope you can find someone who can write it for you 🫶

Thank you everyone! Again, I'm so sorry I had to reject these requests. I hope you can find someone else to write them for you!

[kitkatrix]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @jazwritesalot. Thank you! 🥹🫶

1. How many works do you have on A03? 120!!

2. What's your total Ao3 word count? 497,454. I have over 25k I haven't posted on A03 though so tack that on and I'm looking at roughly 520k in total.

3. What fandoms do you write for? I currently write for BNHA/ MHA. I used to write for Durarara, HP, Fruits Basket but that was a looooong time ago when I was in my teens lol

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? Fair warning: most of them are NSFW. 1) Take a Bite of Me, 2) Another Day, Another F*ck, 3) more than a learning curve, 4) Need Your Touch, 5) Wrong Size

5. Do you respond to comments? I try to, but I get extremely lazy after a bit and then months later, I respond.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? It would have to be my MCD KRBK fic that I never posted on AO3. It's on Twitter in full but both of them end up dying in the end, one earlier than the other.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Almost all my fics have a happy ending but the happiest one I have thus far is "more than a learning curve". It's completely self indulgent so I wanted it to end in a cute way 🥺

8. Do you get hate on fics? I've only thankfully gotten it once and it was on a collaboration fic. I don't let that stuff bother me though 💜

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Absolutely. Almost 3/4 of my fics on AO3 and Twitter are explicit. I have the most fun writing them.

10. Do you write crossovers? Nope. I don't watch/read enough or have enough creativity to do something like that.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Once. I was very young and found it when searching for my fic title online. It was under a different name and everything. I was so upset that I deleted the fic on my end and stopped completely.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nada. But I would be over the moon if it ever happened. I would need to give approval first before anything, though. I don't want to come across it one day and nothing was said to me, y'know?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes! I've done several actually. Some haven't ever been posted publicly but I have a few on AO3 like "Challenge Accepted" and "Pain and Pleasure" that I did with some mutuals on Twitter. It was very fun and I adore doing it 🥰

14. What's your all time favorite ship? KiriBaku! They have my heart in a chokehold. I'm trying to get into others from different fandoms but this one is hard to top.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Hidden Behind a Whisper. I loved loved writing this one when I started and I do go and add some from time to time but I've lost half the motivation I had when I first began. It's sad 😭

16. What are your writing strengths? Dialogue and action scenes. The way I write is like imagining a movie scene, and I write each movement someone makes and go from there. In example, Kirishima putting a hand around Bakugou's waist, Izuku kissing Ochako's forehead, things like that.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Repetitiveness. I tend to say the same thing over and over and have to copy paste my document into a website to see which words are used more than they should. Half the time it's either "that", "just", or "but".

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? If you feel it would add more to your story, speak to someone that knows and is fluent in that language and can read over the dialogue to be sure it is correct. Do NOT use Google translate. It's hardly accurate and a terrible source for translation.

19. First fandom you wrote for? HP. It was a Dramione fic and I was I think 14? It's still up online to this day 💀

20. Favorite fic you've written? "more than a learning curve" if we're talking mildly mature. "Need Your Touch" for Explicit.

I tag whoever sees this and would like to participate! 🫶🫶