#I haven’t forgotten about Colin though

[clerical3rr0r]

I was expecting to have a bunch of theory time ramblings after TMAGP 25. Mostly what I have right now is vague nausea. I’ve cringed thinking about food after some TMA Flesh statements but this is something else. Kudos to the writers I guess. Save yourselves and don’t eat while listening.

[amiableness]

Dad!James Potter x Bsf!Reader ☼ 1036 words | briefly 18+, and thank you to @moonpascal for your thoughts and ideas!

You only agreed to go to the pub because James seemed keen, but in all honesty, you’d much rather be tangled up in his bedsheets with him. Slipping into a dress that hugged you perfectly and dabbing on a pretty red lip was a definite perk, though. 

This was one of your first outings with your friends now that James and you were officially together. Telling your friends had caused quite a scene. Marlene’s excitement was so loud you half-wondered if your hearing would ever be the same, while Lily, genuinely happy for you, seemed like she might tear up any second.

The pub is buzzing with chatter and clinking glasses as you settle into a cozy corner with your friends. James has his arm draped casually around your shoulders, his thumb absentmindedly tracing circles on your skin. 

You’re lost in thought, your mind drifting to Henry and wondering how he’s doing with the babysitter. You know he’s probably fine—he always lights up when Angela’s around—but it still feels strange not being the one there with him. Sure, it means you get a night out with James, but part of you can’t help missing those quiet nights with Henry, just the two of you.

You're so lost in thought that you don’t even notice the man approaching the table. He claps Sirius and Remus, both of whom have their backs to him, on the shoulder with a bit too much enthusiasm. Remus flinches, startled, while Sirius practically leaps out of his seat.

“Boys!” he calls out, a cheery smile on his face, and you can tell he’s been drinking a tad too much. “Long time no see, mates.”

"Colin!" James lights up, his grin matching the man's excitement. You barely recognize him—maybe you’ve seen him in old photos with James and the boys, but it’s clear they haven’t kept in touch much since school. "How’ve you been?"

Colin launches into a debrief about his life after school. And the boys listen and sprinkle in a few comments to show they’re listening. Marlene meets your eye and fakes a yawn, which makes you smile. You weren’t listening all that much, either.

“Wait!” You glance up at Colin’s sharp exclamation and realize he’s looking at you. “You’re Henry’s mum!”

Without thinking, you smile and nod. If you hadn’t had those two drinks, you might have hesitated and weighed your words more carefully. But in your heart, you already considered yourself Henry’s mum—James had even told you that Henry called you that when they were alone. The only thing missing was Henry saying it to your face. “Yeah,” you say softly, a warmth spreading in your chest. “I am.”

James nearly knocks over his drink, freezing mid-reach as your words sink in. His eyes widen in surprise, and the usual confident grin falters, leaving him completely flustered. Sirius and Remus exchange an amused glance, barely containing their smirks at how thoroughly you've caught him off guard.

He knew you hadn’t wanted to go out tonight. The way you’d flashed him that pouty lip when he mentioned the group plans and how you'd been invited—it had almost broken him. Now, as he sat here, he was wishing he’d caved and stayed in with you. 

But then, he wouldn’t have heard you call yourself Henry’s mum.

He hardly hears the conversation happening between you and Colin. Instead, he’s lost in thoughts of making you his wife and giving Henry a sibling—or maybe two or three. His mind flashes with images of you, stomach full and swollen. He likes the idea of everyone knowing how well he’d fucked you. So pretty and so full of him. His throat feels dry, and the last place he wants to be is in this pub. He wants to be home, burying himself inside of you as you beg him to make you a mum.

He stands up abruptly, the chair squeaking as it scrapes against the floor, propelled back with surprising force. All eyes turn toward him, curiosity etched on their faces as he reaches for your purse, which hangs off the back of your chair.

“I’ve forgotten that our babysitter has to go by midnight.” James rushes out. “We have to get home.” 

Colin doesn’t seem to notice James’ sudden urgency, but you do, your brow furrowing as you catch his impatient glance. She didn’t have to leave by midnight—James had told you both that the night would stretch longer. Still, when he stands and extends his hand to you, you take it without hesitation. Your goodbyes to Colin and the others are rushed, barely uttered, before James is already tugging you out of the pub, his grip firm as if he can’t wait another second to get you alone.

“Jamie, what is going on?” You ask as you step into the cool night air, the door slamming shut behind you and effectively cutting off the lively chatter of the pub.

“Fuck, do you know what hearing you call yourself Henry’s mum did to me?” He rasps out your name, and the tone of his voice sends a thrill through you—it's unmistakably filled with desire. You reach his parked car, and he sharply flings open the door for you, the sudden movement catching you off guard. 

You stand there, fully aware that he’s waiting for you to get in, but you don’t move. Instead, you watch him closely, taking in every detail. His cheeks are flushed, and his breathing is uneven, revealing just how much your comment has affected him. The anticipation hangs between you, thick and electric, and you revel in the power you have over him in this moment.

“Baby, get in the car. Please,” He nearly begs, “I can’t wait any longer.”

“You don’t want me in the car?” You tease, the flirtation in your voice almost sending him over the edge. You can see the effect it has on him by the way he inhales sharply, his eyes fluttering shut as if he’s trying to regain control.

“I’m trying to be a gentleman, which means getting you home so I can take you in our bed,” He breathes out. “Get in the car.”

You don’t need any more convincing after that.

please please please consider reblogging and/or commenting. they keep me motivated to continue writing and reblogging spreads my work 🤍

[tw1l1te]

𝖋𝖆𝖑𝖘𝖊 𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖔- 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖔𝖓𝖊

ᨒ↟ ⋆｡°

Hyrule was no more.

That's what the elders told you, at least.

The sacred fields and forests of the kingdom have been blanketed with white snow for a millennia, the sun only behind the clouds. The population of Hyrule has dwindled over time, making this era lonely and full of decay.

Truly an era that should be forgotten.

An era that didn’t deserve a place in the historical archives. 

An era that was doomed to begin with.

Looking out onto the cold, dreadful expanse of Hyrule, you wonder what your life had come to. Being alone for a significant portion of your late teens and constantly on the run wasn’t your idea of a good life. A life where you got to be happy. But, no one really got to have that anymore, everyone lived to survive. They’ve all accepted that in this life, you lasted as long as you could, and that was that.

You felt a stinging cold brush of air against your cheek, instinctively causing you to bundle your scarf tighter around your face. An old habit.

It was about to snow soon. That’s all that Hyrule did anymore: snow. There were no more seasons or days of clear skies, the sunniest the fallen kingdom got was a gloomy gray sky, a white orb just barely being seen amidst the gray blanket. 

Getting up from the rock you sat on, you made your way downhill, back to the run-down village you called home, or the closest thing to that. The elders did their best with the limited resources they had, as after the Reawakening, there was hardly anything left.

The village was small, you could walk the entirety of it in just under five minutes. Being located South of central Hyrule, you were lucky enough to be shrouded in thick forests, protecting your little village. 

Walking through the main pathway, you wave to a few people, a small smile under your scarf. These people were the closest thing to family, as yours had been forgotten about long ago. It was for the best.

You walk up to the main entrance of the meeting house, knocking twice on the wooden door. You open the door and walk inside, making sure to latch the door behind you so the wind wouldn’t blow the damn thing inward. 

“Another storm comin’, aye?” 

You look behind you to see Arden, one of your closest friends and comrades. He was a few years older than you and taller, with shoulder-length black hair that was begging to be trimmed.

“Yep, second one this month and it's only the third week. Make sure your mother stores her plants in the cellar, her herbs are crucial to us.”

He nods, walking to the table in the middle of the shack. The table was littered with half-torn maps and old trinkets, most of them collecting dust.

“...Anything new?” he asks, arms crossed over his form. You knew what he was asking about. Your memories.

“Bits n’ pieces, they’ve been kind of blurry lately, its hard to even understand what’s happening.”

He nods, satisfied with your answer. 

“Well, at least you’re not having constant nightmares, I couldn’t even imagine the horrors you saw.”

You look away from him, recalling your last nightmare. Though so much of it was in fragments, you remember it being so vivid and… real. As if you were him.

“I haven’t had one in a bit, which is nice… I guess. Haven’t gotten any answers to our main issue though. Her.”

“Have you tried writing down what happens in your dreams? Maybe connect the dots after you’ve taken some notes?”

You shake your head, mentally tired from talking so much. After your journey a year ago, you’ve gotten so used to not talking for days or weeks at a time that even a few sentences makes you exhausted. 

“I see. Well, the others are supposed to meet us here-”

There were rapid knocks on the door, sounding impatient and frantic. Looking at Arden, you go to unlatch the door, curious as to what the disruption was about. You were surprised to see Colin, another comrade of the team, standing there looking worried, eyebrows creased.

“Y/n, Arden… I think you should follow me. You need to see this.”

You turn to look back at Arden, giving him a curt nod. Your meeting could wait.

ᨒ↟ ⋆｡°

You and Arden walk with Colin, the lack of information eating away at your brain. What could have possibly worried Colin so much? Did something happen?

You all walk up to the large tent where you kept most of your supplies and food, the thick canvas fabric flapping in the wind. You could hear talking in the tent, several people already residing ithin.

Colin turns to you, muttering “Y/n, they might recognize you based on your clothing. I’d suggest concealing your face a bit, we don’t know their intentions. Could be some of her’s.”

Taking in the tone of his words, you wrap the scarlet scarf around your face, making sure only your eyes were visible. Your hood was already up, so you didn’t have to worry too much about them seeing more of you.

“Thanks.” you murmured, already walking towards the entrance of the tent, hands balled up into fists.

“Be careful, Link.”

ᨒ↟ ⋆｡°

Immediately after walking into the tent, you halt at the number of people in the room. Including two of your other team members, there were twelve people in the room. All of their focus was on you.

Dusk, one of the women of your team, walks up to you.

“We found them while scouting the back woods. They’re armed, but not hostile. They say they’re the heroes of Hyrule, whatever that means.”

You nod curtly at her words, eyeing the group. Their eyes are glued to you, each one with varying degrees of frustration, confusion, or curiosity across their faces. Then it hits you.

It is them. Each one, from each era.

But all together? This is a first.

You wonder why they’re staring at you so much, but then you remember you are wearing the hero’s garb. Same green hat, full green getup. An obvious indicator to them.

You groan internally, you should've changed.

The blonde man with the blue scarf stands up and walks over to you, hand out for a handshake.

“You’re a Link, aren’t you? Pleasure to meet the hero of this era.”

You look at his hand, then back up at him. 

Is he serious?

You snort under your scarf, the casual interaction being so alien to you. The last thing you were interested in doing was being acquaintances with the past heroes.

Seeing your lack of response makes him pull back his hand, face full of confusion. What was up with this era?

The one-eyed hero from behind him suddenly stands up and makes his way to you. His good eye bores down at you before speaking.

“My apologies for my Captain’s forwardness. My name is Link, but we all go by monicker’s to diffuse the confusion. I go by Time, and the others will introduce themselves at a later time. We happened to stumble into your woods and are currently trying to find out where and when we are located.”

You raise an eyebrow at his statement.

When? Meaning… they time traveled?

Dusk beat you to the chase answering, “We don’t exactly count years, but based off of the last era counted, we are about 10,000 years after the Era of The Wilds.”

Time takes a moment to process the information, seemingly doing some mental calculations. He looks back down at you.

“And it’s safe to assume you’re the hero of this era?”

You nod slowly.

He takes a hesitant breath before continuing, “... what happened in this era? From what we’ve briefly seen, its the most destroyed time period we’ve seen.”

Dusk walks up behind you, saving you from the interrogation.

“Our country destroyed itself. No monarchy, no kingdom, barely anything left.”

His brows furrowed, “Ganon’s doing?”

You still at the name. You should have been prepared to answer this question. After all, it was inevitable.

You shake your head.

“Ganondorf?”

Again, you shake your head.

“Then who?”

You look at Dusk, silently pleading her to not tell them of your fate. This was something that needed to be eased onto them slowly. After all, most of them were devout to Hylia in one form or another.

Seeing your desperation, Dusk sighs.

“It’s better if you follow us back to the Resistance Headquarters. We have more information there.”

“And why would we do that? For all we know, this could be an ambush,” the pink-haired male responds.

Dusk rolls her eyes, sending you a smirk, “Because it would be way too much work to clean all the blood and guts up, plus, we don’t have the resources nor luxury to do that.”

You lightly shake your head, not knowing how her sense of humor was still intact after everything. In other circumstances, you would’ve scolded her, but you weren’t up for chatting at the moment.

Tossing a glance over your shoulder, you lead Arden, Dusk, and the heroes back to the headquarters. This was going to be a long day.

ᨒ↟ ⋆｡°

“So yer tellin’ me you’re Wild’s descendant? Surprised yer not feral or somethin’,” Twilight mutters, earning an elbow jab from the one referred to as “Wild”.

They seem… brotherly.

Wild turns to you, holding his chin, “Do you… still have the Sheikah Slate? It might be too old now in your era, but-”

You nod, taking out the slate from under your poncho. It was in much worse condition than Wild’s, but it had alterations and had been through a few thousand years.

He hesitantly picks it up from your hands, almost worried that the Slate would wither away from how fragile it felt.

“It looks… different, changed. Does it have new functions?”

Arden points at the screen, “Yeah, Link added a few alternate functions like a more expansive map and the ability to communicate with others.”

“Communicate?”

“A couple other groups across Hyrule have a similar type of slate, though they can only use it to communicate. It’s good for fast and quick communication.”

He nods, examining the slate some more. He shuts it off, handing it back to you.

 You choose to ignore the warmth coming from his fingertips.

“It seems you’re advanced in technology, and yet, so rural and primitive. Is there a reason for that?”

Arden looks at you while he speaks, “Well, technology was advancing right up until the Reawakening, and quickly declined after that. We managed to salvage a few things during the event, though a lot of it looks ancient now. Still works, though.”

He shoots you a lop-sided smile, “You should totally see Link’s snowbike though, that thing is a beast.”

Wild raises an eyebrow, “Snowbike? Like the Master Cycle Zero?”

You nod. You forgot he had one of those.

Time buts in, seemingly preoccupied with something else.

“As much as I am curious about your modern advancements, I believe we have more pressing matters at hand. Primarily, why we’re here in your era.”

You nod again, eyeing Arden and Dusk. You needed the room.

Arden walks up to you, murmuring “You sure? I don’t trust them.”

You place a hand on his arm, nodding. He looks down at your hand, eyes flicking between your hand and your eyes. He wanted to say something, but decided to bite his tongue. He wordlessly nods, and both him and Dusk leave you with the group, latching the old door behind him.

You ignore the strange interaction between the both of you, deciding to check up on him after.

You adjust your scarf, pulling it downward so your entire face is visible. The scarf muffled your speech and you were starting to get a bit suffocated with the fabric over your mouth.

“Y-you’re-”

“A female?”

The group seems to go silent at that, emotions ranging from confusion, shock, disbelief, even some excitement from a couple.

Arm over your chest, you kneel on one knee, your head bowed. Taking a small breath, you raspily introduce yourself:

 “My name is Link, the Forgotten Hero.”

ᨒ↟ ⋆｡°

[cottagecheese1]

Chapter 2

summary: A few years after your father died, your mother marries a new man, to you having a new family meant new begging's, but what happens when your new begging comes spiraling apart just because of the people that made them. paring: dark stepdad Andy Barber x reader x dark dbf Lloyd Hansen x reader x dark stepbrother Johnny storm x reader x dark bbf Colin Shea.

warnings- (DDLG undertones) stepcest, Johnny is NOT Andy's biological father, he is the adopted son. smut, do not engage if you are uncomfortable with any of the following, spanking, blackmail, p in v, edging, thigh riding, oral, fingering.

Series master list right here

The day was new, sadly, after last night you didn’t know if leaving your room was a good option in the first place, well of course you’d live, but the embarrassment you felt at the moment made you feel like the world was ending. You always felt a little sensitive and awkward towards every little situation that came your way. When you say it in your head it always sounds like a bad thing even though there are worse things in the world, and you shouldn’t even come close to feeling unfortunate in any situation–or thats what your mother would tell you, at a point your life your mother used to make you feel vain–blaming you for your fathers death saying it was your fault, of course you knew your mother had loved you, I mean she was also going through the grief of losing her husband, you shouldn’t be selfish–thats what she would also tell you.

After a long two hours of laying in bed, you rolled in bed and looked at your alarm clock that read 9:23am, and you could already hear the shuffling and laughter of the boys in the kitchen, deciding to just suffer through it and just hope nobody brings up the previous night, they all probably forgot about it by now, right? You could only hope because you sure haven’t forgotten.

Making your way down the hall where the chuckling and the sizzling of bacon started to make itself more present as you stepped into the kitchen, your head automatically goes down towards the floor when the chatter abruptly stops–the awkward sizzling of bacon mocking you as you walk towards the bread.

Andy stops and turns toward you with a small smile while leaning on the marble countertop, finally deciding to break the silence, “good morning honey, I made breakfast if you’re interested, bacon and uh maybe some pancakes if Johnny will save some for the rest of us.” he says the last part while turning towards a shirtless johnny stuffing his mouth full, mumbling out a “sorry”.

You tilt your head up toward Andy, and grab the bread, “no thanks Andy, maybe later–thanks though–well not that I don’t want any it's just-” you stutter out, until Andy interrupts you with a soft chuckle.

Andy walks behind you–tucking a piece of hair behind your ear before he leaned down to press a small kiss to your temple, “Oh pumpkin, what am I gonna do with you hm? With your cute self.” your cheeks tinted red, and besides that you could hear Johnny, and Colin snickering–probably making fun of you.

Not really knowing how to respond, but suddenly another thought comes to mind–where's your mother? Now curious, you turned and asked Andy, face still red as a beet, “um- where's my mom?” Andy half listens to you as he plays with your hair softly.

“She’s on a business trip, won’t be back for a few weeks, so you get to spend some alone time with us.” Andy says as he smirks.

You advert your gaze back to the toaster and give him a quick “okay”, before turning back around he huffs dramatically grabbing his keys swiftly, but before he heads out, he stops before the two chuckling boys.

“You boys be nice, treat her good until I get home, okay? Oh honey, if you need anything just give me a call, okay? Johnny should help you with anything, if not, I’ll be back around 11:00. Be good you two.”, and at that Andy was out the door, now it’s just you and them.

Johnny sighed and got up dramatically, “I’m gonna go take a shower, you kids have fun.” he said as he walked toward his bedroom.

Now it was just Colin and you, but as soon as you heard the toaster pop up, you scurried to your room–not even bothering to grab the butter–once you got to your room, closing the door you sighed and switched your phone on for the next hour.

💼

After another 30 minutes of contemplating if you should leave your room or not, you do. Opening the door slowly, and walking down the hall to the living room, where you thought watching TV would be an option for you, but Colin seemed to be taking up the couch and the entire atmosphere, and God was it intimidating.

Before you could turn away, and advance to the comfort of your own room–Colin stopped you abruptly. He threw his head back over the back of the couch, and called your name out.

“Hey!- don’t leave, come join me, I’m watching 21 jump street, I want you to come watch it with me.”

He sounded so demanding, but maybe that's just his way of expressing himself, so you watch as he scoots over a tad, and pats the spot next to him. This is when you seem to notice he doesn’t have a shirt on under his thin jacket, but you still sit down awkwardly next to him.

Suddenly he scoots closer to you, and wraps an arm around you, pulling you to him slightly as he says “relax baby, just getting comfortable, you wanna lay on me?”

“Oh, well I’m ok right now, I wouldn’t wanna-” he cuts you off by his own words, “cmon baby, I don’t mind, it's just some friendly cuddles, don’t gotta be all shy about it.” he says the last part chuckling.

You stay silent as he speaks again, “Here–I’ll help you.” Coin grunts a bit as he pulls you on top of him, and pushes your head onto his chest, softly stroking your hair. As much as you’d hate to admit it, it did feel kind of nice, maybe because he was nice and warm, and solid–Colin interrupts your train of thought when he speaks again.

“Isn’t this nice baby? All nice and relaxed…You're such a good girl, you know that?” he says with a mischievous glint in his voice while stroking your back, his voice still vibrating off of you he continues, “So, so quiet. Bet you're a virgin huh? All pure and untouched, from the way you're grinding on my dick and acting all innocent about it, you have to be.”

You feel stiff all the sudden, like you can’t move, now you're overly aware of the fact that his dick is poking your thigh. Then to make things worse he leans down toward your ear, “You know me, and Johnny talked about fucking you last night? Or how adorable you would look trying to wrap your lips around our cocks–and the tears that would run down that pretty face as we both fucked you till you couldn’t walk–or talk–bet you're a cock drunk bitch when you have the chance, huh?”

This is when you really started to freak out, trying to shove away from him eagerly, “Stop! Get off me! Andy will come back any time.”, and Colin just laughed at your plea, which made you slightly confused.

“Oh Baby, you poor girl, Andy’s the worst of both of us, if you knew all the dirty shit he’s said about you, you’d be crying–or well you already are–your new daddy just wants to pound you into his mattress until you're crying honey, and so much more.”

Your eyes widened at his statement, that couldn’t be, Andy cared about you..right? The thoughts that ran a million miles in your head suddenly got interrupted by another presence entering the room. Johnny.

Crying out for him as Colin licked and sucked on your neck, making you whimper pathetically in the process, “Johnny, please get him off of me..” you said pleadingly.

Johnny stared at you mockingly as he bent down to your level, where you still laid beneath Colin helplessly. He stroked the side of your face teasingly before he said, “Now why would I do that hm? Not when you’re whimpering so sweetly baby.” Colin then let up off you, leaning back into the couch, pulling you into his lap in the process as you felt your thighs subconsciously rub together.

After Johnny made his way beside you and Colin–sandwiching yourself between them as result, he stroked your thigh up and down, slowly making his way to your clothed core, “Look how fucking red you are, just from some teasing hm? you wanna feel me sweetheart? Don’t even try to hide how wet you are–bet you haven’t even had your first kiss yet.”

You had to be slightly surprised at his forwardness, no you haven’t had your first kiss yet, but you just told yourself that you're waiting for the right person. Colin chuckled at Johnny’s antics, this is also when you noticed that Johnny was not wearing a shirt–or pants for a matter of fact, this realization made you feel hotter all over.

Colin leaned over and looked at Johnny, “You know the old man won’t like it if we take her first kiss without him being here."

Johnny rolled his eyes and scoffed, still stroking your thighs, “Fuck that old geezer, I'm taking what's min-” Johnny got cut off by a loud slam of a door and jingling of car keys jingling. You three looked over toward the door to see Andy in the doorway, his arms crossed intimidatingly.

“what's going on here fellas..trying to break her in without me?” Andy said with a smirk as he reached the end of his sentence. He walked over to you slowly, and took your small face into both of his large hands, “And what about you honey? Having fun without daddy, hm? Good thing I’m here now.” He ends the last of his words with a chuckle.

Pleading for help wouldn’t even save you right now, after what Johnny and Colin just confessed to you–especially Andy–all you can do is hope for the best.

A/n: sorry for the short late chapter ya'll (I edited it at the end because the order was fucked up for those who were as confused as me.)

[beybaldes]

I know why we had to say goodbye like the back of my hand

summer sleepover masterlist

jamie tartt x gn!reader

summary : “am i supposed to just let you go?” / “for what it’s worth, i really am sorry”

content warning : technically a part 2 ‘I’d go back in time and change it but I can’t,’ can be read stand alone, more protective!roy and bestfriend!colin, Jamie’s past is held against him and it hurts his feelings because he has changed, two uses of yn, jamie being clueless, angstyish

an : can you tell I’m obsessed with Taylor’s music? Better man is one of the best vault tracks to exist fight me I listened to it the whole time writing this fic.

Christmas and New years come and go and when the first day back at the dog track comes around you’ve almost forgotten about Jamie entirely.

You haven’t spent a single minute of the holidays thinking of him, and yet, he’s spent every single minute of it thinking about you. In no more then 10 seconds, you’d shattered whatever hope he’d had left that maybe, just maybe, he could heal things over between the two of you. And even after that, you’d still wished him a merry Christmas. He was going to get fucking whiplash if things carried on like this.

It was exactly that which had brought him to Keeley’s doorstep at 6am on New Year’s Day. Roy answers the door and he’s still in what he assumes is lasts nights clothes. Even though Roy doesn’t particularly like Jamie, not after what he did to you, he knows Jamie wouldn’t show up here without reason, so he invites him in. He guides Jamie through to the living room and says he’s going to get Keeley but that they’ll be right back. Jamie knows he must look rough if Roy wants to sit in on the conversation too.

There’s glitter on the floor after the party Jamie wasn’t invited to. He’s knows you were here last night. You may still have him blocked on everything, but Colin doesn’t, and fuck, does Colin love posting you. Posting pictures of you all dressed up for the new year, looking perfect as ever, posting videos of the two of you on his story, taking shots together or dancing ridiculously around Keeley’s living room. Part of him knows that in another life, one where he had been a better man sooner, it would’ve been him in Colin’s place; dancing with you at a party, sharing drinks with you, and if he was really lucky, maybe even sharing a kiss at midnight.

“Jamie! Hi! Hey! What are- what are you doing here, babe?” Jamie can tell she’s just as surprised as Roy was to find him here, but that doesn’t deter him from why he came. He knows there’s only one way that he can become a better man, and that’s by trying. “Here, have a pillow.”

Keeley makes sure each of them have a bright, pink pillow in their laps before she encourages Jamie to talk, leaning forward across her own pillow to show Jamie she’s really listening. Even Roy seems open to hearing him out, stretching his arms out across the back of Keeley’s sofa.

“I need to know how I can make things better with yn.”

“Oh, fuck off.” Jamie’s barely got his words out when Roy’s growled at him and Keeley’s smacked Roy in his chest. He takes her hand gently in his and holds it in his lap and Jamie almost winces at the sweet nothingness of the action. “I mean, they’ve told you to leave them alone, so, leave them alone.” Jamie thinks Roy’s changed too, until a mere second later, he lets out the fakest cough known to mankind. “Prick.”

“Oi, I didn’t come here to get bullied by a pensioner, I came here for actual advice.” And just like that Jamie had slipped back into the shell of the person he’d been trying to leave behind. People like Roy made it all too easy, picking on his weak spots with the smallest of words, and causing all his progress to come crashing down.

“What Roy means…” Keeley interrupted, breaking up the bickering before it could ever even really begin. “Is that you made your bed Jamie, now you’ve got to lie in it. If they don’t want to forgive you, or most on from the past, then that’s their choice. You can’t force anyone to forgive you.”

“But everyone else has.” Jamie whined, head thrown back against one of Keeley’s many throw pillows as he took to lying on the settee instead. “I don’t understand why they won’t. I’m trying so…” Jamie paused, sucking in a long breath. He was trying so hard to be better and he couldn’t say that because strong men didn’t need to be better, strong men didn’t want to change for the people they loved. The smaller voice, the one that grew a little louder day in and day out, said the opposite; strong men do change for the people they love, they apologise and they acknowledge their mistakes (even when it hurts to do so). “I just don’t get why they won’t forgive me when almost everyone else has.”

“Did you happen to forget that, out of everyone, yn is the one you actually, literally, cheated on?” Silence fell over Keeley’s living room for the first time in almost 24 hours, and Jamie was sure he’d never heard something so loud in his life. “That maybe, more then anything, more then an apology, what they want is for you to explain why you did what you did?”

“No one wants to know why.” Jamie scoffed, thinking of the multiple apologies he’d make to partners in his lifetime. Each and everyone wanted an apology, he would give it to them, they’d fuck one last time, and then break up on ‘mutual’ terms claiming that it was ‘for the best’. Obviously, he didn’t want things to go like that with you, he wanted to really apologise and for you to really forgive him, and then for the two of you to work on building a friendship between the two of you. But that didn’t mean he’d ever have expect you to want to know why he did what he did. “They want an apology, and for you to seem sorry, and then that’s usually it.”

Keeley eyed him suspiciously, eyes like daggers in a way unusual and unnerving to Jamie. “You don’t know why you did it, do you?”

Jamie can feel Roy’s hand curl into a fist from across the room and he’s sure that if he was any closer he’d be able to hear his blood boiling. “No.” Jamie answers instantly and honestly. “No. I don’t. That’s just who I was then.”

“That’s bullshit.” Roy’s been speaking more then Keeley has and Jamie’s wishing he’d come over for the help at a different time. “You had a year? Two years? To come up with a reason, and that’s all you’ve got?”

Jamie wants to argue. It’s his instinct to argue. To get in some brutal back and forth debating which of them was right about the matter, ultimately say something he shouldn’t, and upset Keeley by upsetting Roy just so he can get out of the conversation. The smaller voice inside his head that’s getting louder tells him the right thing to do, the thing a good man would do, is be honest. So that’s what he does. “They really cared about me, more then anyone ever had, yeah?” Jamie sits up on the sofa, leans his elbows against his knees and hangs his joined hands between his open legs, pulling at his fingers. “Do you know how scary that is? Everyone who was supposed to care about me just ends up hurting me. So, I beat them to it. Hurt them before they can hurt me.”

Keeley and Roy try and get more out of Jamie but he decides he’s been vulnerable enough today and that he has a lot to think about. He spends the remainder of his time off before the season begins again hiding in his bedroom, and thinking about what he did wrong like a told off child.

He decides that on the first day back at the dog track, he’s going to explain everything to you. He’s going to fully embody the better man he’s been trying to become, the man he knows, that once upon a time you knew, he could be.

Thankfully, you have a very peaceful first day back at the dog track. Colin and Isaac come and eat lunch in your office with you, Will hangs around throughout the afternoon helping you with some errands, and Roy brings you coffee at 4 when he knows he’s heading out for the day but you’ve still got some work to do. You’ve barely taken a sip of the saving grace when Jamie enters your office and locks the door behind him. You simply ignore him, continuing to tap away on your laptop and blocking out the image of his puppy dog eyes from your brain.

“Look, can we just talk, yeah?” It seemed Jamie had a way of making you angry by even suggesting he had a right to your time; you stopped typing even though you didn’t mean to. “I want to apologise, and explain, and even if we can’t be friends again, I just don’t want things to be weird anymore.”

“And who’s fault is it that things are weird?” You asked, closing your laptop and leaning back in your chair, creating as much space between the two of you as possible.

“I know, mine, just let me talk, yeah?” Jamie knew he had to get the words out before you interrupted him again or he’d never say them, never give you the explanation Roy had explained, and Jamie had come to understand, you deserved. “I hurt you because I didn’t want you to hurt me. You know what my dads like, what the other people I’ve dated have been like, and every single one of them leaves. And you didn’t, and you didn’t look like you were going too either.” Jamie took a deep breath, holding his own hands to stop them from shaking. “That was so scary, to me, to have someone care about me like that. And, I don’t know, my brain made me think, like, that you were just waiting to hurt me sooner or later, so I should hurt you first.”

You’d fallen completely silent and it entirely unnerved Jamie. All of it made too much sense and a part of you felt so bad for the way you’d acted these past few months. However, you also knew that while Jamie’s insecurities was an explanation to why he did what he did, that it wasn’t an excuse.

“And I couldn’t just break up with you, because I didn’t want to, and I know my actions might not have show it, but I really loved you. And, yeah, I should’ve talked about it instead of sleeping with someone else and getting you to end things, but I didn’t know how to do that back then.” Jamie sucks in a shaky breath and a part of you yearns to hug him, to tell him to not get worked up about it, but you stay in your seat. “And it fucking sucked because I got what I wanted. And I felt so good about it, that you’d hurt me by breaking up with me and that I’d been right, and then I just felt sad.” For the first time since entering your office, Jamie looks at you. “And I just wanted to let you know, that it was never your fault that I did it, it was mine.”

A long silence took over the office, neither you nor Jamie speaking or even breathing as you took in the weight of the words just said to you. Everyone had been telling you for months now that Jamie had changed and you’d been so adamant it was a ruse, but here he was, pouring his heart out to you with the best apology you think he’s ever given, and proving he was a better man.

You stood from your chair, grabbed your bag and half drunk coffee, and tucked the chair under the desk. As you grabbed your laptop and notebook to take home with you, you finally spoke up. “Thank you for explaining Jamie, you don’t know how good it is to hear that after everything. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Jamie brow creased and he moved to step closer to the door, stopping you from leaving immediately. “What? So, that’s it?” When you didn’t answer, Jamie took a step forward, reaching his hand out for yours and finding himself surprised when you didn’t push him away. “Am I supposed to just let you go?”

“You know, Jamie, I missed you every minute of every day for the first 8 months, and then I just wished you had been better.” You squeezed his hand gently and for a moment Jamie felt like he’d woken up from some bad dream and he was still where he was 2 years ago. “And then, I woke up one day, and I didn’t think of you at all.” Jamie knew he’d been a dick, he knew he’d hurt you in a way no one deserved to be hurt, he knew you loved him and he pushed that love away like you’d been offering him a loaded gun instead of the key to your heart. “You would’ve been the one if things had been different, but they weren’t different. And that’s okay, but that means you need to let me go.”

Jamie felt sick to his stomach, god, he couldn’t imagine anything worse to happen to him, and yet, he’d done it all to himself. “Im always going to love you, J.” For 2 years Jamie had imagined you saying those exact words to him, forgiving him for his mistakes and turning things back to how they used to be. It shouldn’t be breaking his heart to hear what he’d hoped, and dreamt, and spent sleepless nights praying for.

Jamie let you leave then, stepping away from the door with a downcast look across his face, and finally pulling himself away from your touch. What if he never got to touch you so softly again? What if this was the last time he ever heard you tell him you loved him? What if this was the last time you let him in your door? “For what it’s worth, I really am sorry.”

“I know Jamie, I am too.” You took a step forward, but not towards the door, wrapping your arms gently around Jamie, humming against his neck when his fingers clawed into your shirt and his lips trembled against your temple. “I am too.”

You left your office together and walked Jamie to his car, you said no when he offered you a lift home and he didn’t beg you to accept it. Even if you had said yes, you doubted he knew the drive from the dog track to your new place, and you didn’t want to hurt him more by letting him find out he didn’t know you like he knew the back of his hand anymore.

Tomorrow morning the team will be surprised by the fact you say good morning to everyone including Jamie, but for right now, alone in the empty Nelson Road car park, Jamie finally gets it, and he finally mourns the love he once lost.

[irisbleufic]

Of all the current Devil’s Minion writers your playlist is the one I want to see. Do you have one? If not, are there particular songs you’ve been listening into to while you write? The vibe of your prose with them is hypnotizing like the short story about them in the books, it’s impressive, and does your music also inform this choice if at all?

Intense question, anon. Fourteen-year-old me fucking hyperventilated after reading the DM chapter in Queen of the Damned (me, on the floor of my bedroom at 3am because I don’t want to get caught reading this book, staring dazed at the ceiling; me, now, three weeks ago, sitting shellshocked on the sofa after watching S1 and S2 over two days as a binge; me, over two of those weeks following the binge, rereading the first half of the Chronicles and starting to see double, tilt the prism, see what happens when the narratives are overlaid and blurred), and it still feels like that. Likely my prose turning out the way it is in these stories is about 90% my giddy teenage self having access to my adult self’s writing experience to finally write this beloved pairing without fear of litigious letters (IYKYK, my fellow elder Millennials in the fandom). I don’t often love film and TV adaptations of my favorite books, but I adore this show. It’s flawlessly transformative; its improvements only make the resonances and overlaps that much more meaningful. No notes.

However, I have been listening to the same small handful of songs on repeat for 6 days as I write these pieces. I imagine they are affecting my sense of scansion at points; my writing life didn’t begin with fiction, it began with years of poetry before I ever tried prose. These tracks are as meaningful to me as poems as they are songs. It’s as good a starting point for a playlist as any; I’ll keep adding and put it together on Spotify at some point.

1. Vesuvius - Sufjan Stevens

Vesuvius, I am here

You are all I have

Fire of fire, I'm insecure

for it is all been made to plan

Though I know I will fail

I cannot be made to laugh

for in life as in death

I'd rather be burned

than be living in debt

This song was my entire first 72 hours of writing. I’m that Autistic weirdo who will listen to a single song on repeat for a month and think nothing of it. Villa of the Mysteries in Pompeii being the nexus point of their love story from beginning to end in QotD, this is everything to me; I was never going to be able to write about the show incarnation of them without integrating this location and this imagery in the most reverent love letter I know how. This is why my series title for these stories is Caldera. Volcanic crater blowout if ever I saw one; I ran with it.

2. I Forget Where We Were - Ben Howard

Hello love, my invincible friend; hello, love, the thistle and the burr. For you, I have so many words—and I, I forget where we were. I haven’t known this song for all that long in the grand scheme, but it found me via Spotify shuffle in 2022 right after something awful happened. The longing in this song hinges on one of the lovers in it waking up to something they’ve forgotten about their relationship, something precious, and I’m thrilled to finally have a fandom application for it.

3. Make You Better - The Decemberists

I sung you your twinges

I suffered you your tattle-tales

and when you broke sideways

I wanted you, I needed you, oh

to make me better

Oh, to make me better

But we're not so starry-eyed anymore

like the perfect paramour you were in your letters

And won't it all just come around to make you

let it all un-break you to the day that you met her

No excuse for this one; it does a great job of speaking for itself. Front-man Colin Meloy is one of my all-time favorite songwriters, and his work is frequently dark, creepy, and/or gothic enough in flavor that I could find a few more.

4. Song to the Siren - Elisabeth Fraser & This Mortal Coil

On the floating shipless oceans

I did all my best to smile

till your singing eyes and fingers

drew me loving to your isle

and you sang, “Sail to me,

sail to me, let me enfold you—

here I am, here I am,

waiting to hold you.”

This cover of Tim Buckley’s folk masterpiece completely transforms the vibe of the song, and in the kind of way you need for this pairing. This one is at responsible for the events and imagery in my “Still Life with Sunken Treasure.”

5. Hal - Yasmine Hamdan, Only Lovers Left Alive OST

لأ ما أقدرشي

لأ مش ممكن

لأ ما أقدرشي

لأ مش ممكن

يا عزيزة اطلعي

لأ م�� أقدرشي

يا حبيبتي شرّفي

لأ ما أقدرشي

وطلعت يا ناس، مغلوبة يا ناس

يا عزيزة اتريحي

لأ ما أقدرشي

يا حبيبتي اتلحلحي

لأ ما أقدرشي

وسمعت يا ناس، مغلوبة يا ناس

لأ ما أقدرشي

لأ مش ممكن

لأ ما أقدرشي

لأ مش ممكن

لأ ما أقدرشي

لأ مش ممكن

يا عزيزة اتفرفشي

لأ ما أقدرشي

يا حبيبتي قربي

لأ ما أقدرشي

فرشنا يا ناس، مغلوبة يا ناس

يا عزيزة اقلعي

لأ ما أقدرشي

يا حبيبتي اتجرأي

لأ مش ممكن

شلحنا يا ناس، مغلوبة يا ناس

لأ ما أقدرشي

لأ مش ممكن

لأ ما أقدرشي

لأ مش ممكن

يا عزيزة اتغندريله

يا حبيبتي اتذوقيله

افهمي يا سيدي مش قادرة

وطبعا تقنعني مش واخدة

ايه يا عزيزة؟

ايه اللي إنتي عملاه ده؟

يا يا يا راجل يا هوه!

مش عيب عليك اختشي ونو

لأ ما أقدرشي

لأ مش ممكن

يا عزيزة اخلعي

لأ ما أقدرشي

يا حبيبتي اتشخلعي

لأ مش ممكن

يا خيبتي يا ناس، مغلوبة يا ناس

يا عزيزة اتبغددي

لأ ما أقدرشي

يا حبيبتي جربي

لأ ما أقدرشي

وجينا يا ناس، غلبنا يا ناس

جينا يا ناس، غلبنا يا ناس

I don’t think the Arabic justified to the correct side when I copied this, but the translation is very easy to find. I don’t speak Arabic, but honestly the English translation is dull compared to the beauty of this language. If you haven’t watched Only Lovers Left Alive, what the hell are you even doing with your vampire-loving, monster-fucking life? All the tracks on it have the right vibe for DM, really.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Crushed 13

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon, manipulation, cheating, sleazy behaviour, and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Your next door neighbours hook up, bringing to surface deep-seated feelings.

Characters: Colin Shea, Jonathan Pine

Note: Have a wonderful day!

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

Love you like my dog loves belly rubs (that’s a lot). Take care. 💖

You hear Jonathan stirring before you leave your room. You carry your clothes into the bathroom and get ready quickly. You are almost excited to get back to work, to get back to routine, if only to have a distraction from the chaos.

As you enter the kitchen, you smell coffee. Jonathan is dressed already, his suit clean and pressed. You hope he didn’t have too much trouble with your cheap iron and tiny board. 

“Morning,” he greets with a smile.

“Morning,” you return as you go to the machine. He’s there before you, sliding over an empty mug for you. You fill it and smile sheepishly at the countertop, “thanks.”

“Not at all,” he lingers close to you, “I should apologise. For waking you up so early. My mother never has good timing.”

“It’s fine. Really. That’s… nice that she called,” you rub your neck and back away with your mug in hand, “you must miss her.”

“Certainly,” he takes his own cup and sips between words, “but I dare think my parents are better off without me. They do enjoy an empty nest.”

“Ah,” you nod, cradling the cup as you bask in the warmth. 

“And your parents? Do they live far from here?”

“A few towns over,” you answer, “they’re swept up in my sister’s wedding though. I don’t hear from them.”

“Pity for them,” he says, “they are missing out on a wonderful daughter.”

You chuckle dryly, “sometimes…”

“What? Sometimes… what?” He prompts.

“Nothing, just… you’re too nice. That’s all.”

“If that is my greatest flaw, then I think I’m doing just fine,” he kids.

“Be careful or you might end up like me. If you’re nice to the wrong person, they might just kick in your door,” you scoff and take a reviving sip of coffee.

He doesn’t laugh. You look up at him and swallow tightly, “I was joking.”

“I know. I just don’t think it’s very funny what he’s done,” Jonathan says, “forgive my lack of humour, but it worries me. To think if I hadn’t come in to return your lip balm, what he could’ve done.”

A cold wash flows over you and your face falls. You are suddenly very sober with fear. You nod and back away.

“I know, but he’ll forget about me. He’s that sort, you know? Always on to the next girl.”

“Hmm, perhaps,” Jonathan utters doubtfully.

“Well, lots to catch up on today,” you change the subject as you sit at the small round table by the wall, “I should enjoy these few spreadsheet-free moments.”

“Uh huh,” he nears and sits across from you, concern furrowing in his forehead, “it will be quite the day,” he checks his watch before planting his elbow and cradling his chin, “I’ve a meeting in Carline. I’ll have to drop you at the office and go.”

“Oh, that’s… I could catch the bus–”

“Nonsense, it is on my way out of town,” he insists as he sits back and lets his arm fall over, “I should be back before the end of the day but…” he turns his head, peeking from the corner of his eyes towards the door behind him, “if I am not…”

“I’ll be okay,” you say, not fully convinced.

“I could always leave you my spare key–”

“Really, that’s too much. How about… I’ll text you and let you know when I get in?”

He sighs and swirls his fingers on the tabletop, “he is a very aggressive man and you are…”

“I’m an adult,” you say, “I’ll have to go off on my own sooner than later.”

“Yes, yes, suppose you are right, but I can’t help it. It is only you don’t deserve all this stress,” he brings his hand to the handle of his mug, “perhaps, however, I did set him straight and he knows better.” He lifts his cup, “Still, I will be certain to keep my phone close.”

“Alright,” you agree, pushing away your trepidation. You’ll just have to be sure to be quick and quiet when you get in.

🌼

Jonathan lets you off outside the building and you look up at the corporate brick front with a sense of relief. Not just to be away from your apartment, but to have some time away from your overly attentive boss. He's nice enough but you're starting to feel a bit crowded. A day apart would do you well and hopefully dispel any errant suspicions of unprofessionalism.

Your desk awaits you in its simple tedium. You brew a pot at the shared machine in the break room and wait for the slow trickle to spew out enough for a cup. You take your coffee to your computer and watch it boot, the buffering circle spinning as the old hardware chuffs.

Shari arrives and claims a cup of her own. She gives a hum as she settles in at her desk and yawns. She looks at her mug and doffs it in your direction.

"I can always tell when you've made the coffee," she chimes.

"Right, you only like it when you don't have to do it yourself," you scoff as you wiggle your mouse and open up your browser.

"Not gonna deny that," she chuckles, "feelin' better?"

You look at her, hesitating. Oh yeah, you suppose everyone thought you were off sick. You suppose you were as good as.

"Yeah, vaguely," you shrug, "migraine."

"Ah," she takes a loud swig, "and where's that handsome boss of ours today?"

You don't look at her, focusing on your screen, "hm, I think he has a meeting. Says so in the calendar."

"Sure, the calendar says so," she snorts, "he also had a personal day..."

"Really?" You let your pinky edge over your lower lip and bite down on it.

"Hey," she lowers her voice to a whisper and wheels around the side of her cubicle, "I won't tell anyone. I just wanna hear how it was. Is he as good as I imagine?"

"Shari," you gasp, "really, it's not like that--"

"Anyone with eyes can see he's into you," she smirks, "a man like that knows how to keep his cool but around you..."

You growl her name again and give a sharp look, "he's my boss."

"What no one knows, can't hurt you. You know I can keep a secret. The hubby still doesn't know my book club is a bowling club," she smirks.

"Right," you shake your head and turn your attention back to your computer, "well, there's nothing to keep secret so it should be easy."

🌼

Lunch rolls around as you find yourself bogged down in all the work you have to catch up. As is stands, you were already working from behind. You skip the tuna sandwich you stuffed in your bag and opt instead for another cup of coffee. You sit with your chin in hand, going crossed eye at the excel sheets.

The monotony of the office lulls you, making it hard to keep your eyes open. You long for your apartment and a nice hot bath. That yearning doesn't last as the dread returns. Right, you don't even know if you'll come home to a front door.

Your phone buzzes and you check the notifications, swiveling slightly to read the screen. Jonathan checking in unexpectedly, confirming his arrival in Carline and his intention to be back in town around three. You have another message that gives you pause. The name over it matches the several missed calls you didn't notice in your mindless trance of expense reports and monthly budgets.

Colin. He only ever texted before to see if you were in so he could bum on your couch or mooch a meal from you. That's clear now. You can't believe you were ever giddy to see his name on your phone.

You hit the voicemail icon and put the phone to your ear. You listen to the automated voice that declares you have five new messages. The speaker scuffs before the first starts. It's him.

"Hey, buttercup. I guess you went out with that idiot wanker. I can't seem to find you..." you hear something bang, "nope, not hiding in the closet..." You hit seven to delete and the next message starts. "You better answer before I get real fucking pissed. I just wanna talk, buttercup. And I know you want me. So let's meet halfway--" Delete. "I'm about to break something, sweetheart--" Seven, delete. "PICK UP THE FUCKING PHONE!" 

You delete all the messages as a new text pops up. Your thumb hits it without a thought and you see the endless scroll of caps lock floating in bubble up the chat. Every one is just an echo of what was in your voicemail. And pictures. Of your apartment, of your shelf overturned and the contents tossed over the floor. Your pillows shredded as feathers litter the carpet.

You black out your phone and push it deep into your bag. Not right now. You'll have to deal with it later. Maybe you'll wait around for Jonathan after all. Or maybe... maybe you can sort this out without troubling him any further.

You keep a hold of your phone and pull it back out. You ignore the urgent buzzing and search your contacts. You get up and leave your desk, going into the staircase to hide behind the heavy metal door. You hit Ally's name and let out a shaky breath. You wait for her to answer as you chew your thumb.

"Hey!" She chirps through the speaker, "what's up?"

"Hi, Ally, uh...." you don't know what you were thinking. What was you plan here? "Are you, er, with Colin?"

"Nah, I'm working unlike his lazy ass," she laughs, "why, what's up?"

"Well, um, I don't know how to say this... Ally, I'm going to send you some stuff, one second..."

You pull the phone away from your cheek and minimize the call. You bring up the chat and scroll, swiping your hand to screencap the litany of messages, barely able to catch them all as more spew in. You hold your breath as you go into Ally's chat and attach the images. You close your eyes and tap the send arrow.

You put the cell back to your ear and clear your throat, "Ally, please... just read what I sent you."

"Huh, alright," she giggles, "you're always so ser--" her voice cuts off as you sense the audio change as she puts you on speaker. "What the fuck?"

Silence as you sway, pacing on the leveled plain above the flight of stairs, waiting.

"Why-- did you fuck my boyfriend?"

"What? No. Ally. He-- He's the one who broke into my apartment. He's-- he's terrorizing me--"

"And why would he do that unless you were sneaking behind me back? I'm not stupid, I've seen you drooling over him."

"Al, no, I wouldn't--"

"Sure you would. I just can't believe he would," she snarls, "you're so pathetic. You fuck my boyfriend and now you think you can break us up?"

"No!"

"Go fuck yourself, you sad old spinster," she barks and the line dies.

You stare at the phone, stunned. What did you just do?

🌼

You find it hard to shake the uneasiness cast by Colin's message and Ally's reaction. You suspect you've lost two friends in less than a week. All because you were stupid enough to like someone. Because you, an adult, had a dumb crush. Ugh.

You keep your nerves at ease through your work. The numbers are easier than emotions. Around two, your eyes flit back and forth between your spreadsheet and the time in the corner. You wonder when Jonathan will be back or even what you'll tell him. Should you tell him any of it?

You hear the elevator doors swish open and hit save on the file. You pivot, expecting your boss to be striding in early, instead finding a very much unexpected and unwelcome face.

You gape at Colin as he scowls around the office at the dronish workers, many of whom are too caffeine addled or underslept to notice him. You get up, hoping to get him out before he can start anything. You know by the tension in his neck that he's up to no good.

"I wanna talk to the fucking boss," he demands, jolting several people from their waking comas as other pop their heads over their cubicle walls. Shari lets out a strange noise and mops up coffee from her chin as it dribbles down.

"Who's this?" She hisses as you take a step forward.

"Boss isn't here," Ed snorts from his desk, "and we're not hiring."

"I'm not here--" Colin starts, "fuck your fucking jobs." He sneers, "who the fuck is in charge here?"

"Colin, please," you put your hands up pleadingly, "please, just go. We can talk after work--"

"No, no, you had your chance so I'll say what I came here to say and I want everyone in this office to hear it," he snaps, "so tell me where that British douchebag is."

"He's not here," you croak, "Colin--"

"Fine, who needs him," he stomps his foot, "hey, everyone, guess who's fucking her boss?"

"I-- I'm not," you exclaim, voice squeaking, "I swear-- he's crazy. He's just my neighbour, he doesn't--"

"Why else would he be hanging out at her apartment? He was there all night. I have proof," Colin waves his phone around, "so someone tell me who I send it to because I think HR will be real interested in this--"

"Colin, get out! Go away! Why are you doing this?"

"Ah, come on, you," he points to Monica and shoves his phone towards, her, "they looks real cozy, don't they?"

"Colin," you beg as you follow him, "please--"

The elevator doors part again but you barely notice as you try to snatch Colin's cell away. He holds it above his head and nudges you away. He snickers in your face.

"What is the meaning of this?" Jonathan's timbre rips through the babble of your coworkers and Colin's laughter, "Shari, call security."

"Ah, there he is. The star of the show. I was just coming to file a complaint," Colin face Jonathan, "you've been shitting where you eat, big guy and I have it all right here--"

Jonathan stands stoically across from Colin. It's like a Great Dane staring down and uppity chihuahua. He tilts his head slightly and peers past the intruder.

"Shari, put the phone down," Jonathan waves her hand down, "I shall deal with this myself."

Jonathan steps forward, coming chest to chest, or just above Colin's chest, as he glares down his adversary.

"I suggest you leave or I may just have to escort you out. I'm certain you don't wish to repeat last night," he warns.

"Nah, I'll stay--"

Colin barely keeps a grip on his phone as he grunts. Jonathan grabs him by the front of his hoodie and drags him away from the bullpen. Colin struggles with him, stomping around, trying to crush the other man's sleek leather shoes. 

Jonathan spins as Colin's fist glances past the instinctive turn of his head. Your boss keeps a hold of your neighbour with one hand and presses the elevator button. The belts grind, and the doors open. He dodges another fist as he throws Colin into the box.

"Good day, sir," He taps the down button as Colin lands on his ass. The doors open and leaves the office in deafening silence.  Jonathan turns to face his audience and raises his chin, "back to work."

He strides past you and between the cubicles. He swings his office door shut behind him, punctuating the tension. You gulp and go back to your desk, sitting numbly as your eyes haze with tears.

"I knew it," Shari trills.

[theodore-lasso]

Okay I’m just gonna do a little Ted Lasso vent under a cut feel free to keep scrolling this is just so I don’t ruin someone’s day in DM’s by being salty as hell

TLDR this season has just been: go girl give us nothing for me. 

I’ll start with overall vibes, I just think they’re doing too much. Maybe this is personal preference re: ensemble shows but there are so many plotlines and while I disagree that Shandy and Zava and Anastacia are useless and time fillers (they’re side characters to advance main characters personal arcs.... that’s how side characters work) I do agree that they feel flat and one note, but I think that’s just because there’s too many characters and too many plots, and they’re not able to go deeply into any of them anymore. Like we’re not often sitting with characters, it’s like a quick scene then moving onto the next person and issue. 

Unfortunately I’m feeling that with Henry and Ted now, which sucks, because it’s one of the most meaningful relationships on the show. But Henry had an issue this ep, and by the time Ted spoke to him it had already been solved by parenting he’d done in the past. Which... I feel like we as an audience don’t need more reminders that Ted is a good dad, we already know that. Also I don’t feel as if “count to ten until you don’t feel angry even if that’s infinite” is the lesson that Ted has been learning this season? Hasn’t he been learning to occasionally be assertive and stand up for himself? I think this plot line could have been a bit deeper - Henry being insecure because his dad isn’t there and taking it out on other kids instead of... undisclosed being mean for no apparent reason and immediately apologising. Anyway that’s just one moment in the entire episode that fell flat for me. 

Rebecca, bro idk. She feels like 2 different characters to me at the moment. Like she’ll yell at Ted to make them win a match and then literally isn’t doing a single thing about it outside of that and will just be like hi :) to him in the hallway. Loved the moment where Higgins said maybe they needed to find another manager so much, I love his growth from S1 and actually saying brave things now, but I hate that it was brushed aside especially if she’s yelling at Ted on the regular now about losing. I’m glad she got her fertility tested because I feel like otherwise there’d be this huge “what if” for her. As a single person I was rolling my eyes at the emergency contact thing but yeah I get it she wants to find love. I think this is where my main criticism of the season comes in, and that is the reliance on the psychic, things that have been “set up” in previous seasons rather than characters actively doing things. Like as someone who has been watching closely for years now, I haven’t really been surprised by any of the directions they’ve taken s3. 

Rebecca is walking around looking for signs related to the psychic, which is all well and good especially if it leads her to getting her fertility tested and stuff, but same with Ted, not currently doing anything about the teams losses, not doing anything about the team & Zava when he was still there. He hasn’t spoken to Colin about benching him and then playing him when like... S1 Ted would be all over that. He hasn’t spoken to Beard about Jane. Idk I think there’s so much reliance on “it will all work out in the end” that they’ve forgotten you need to make active strides in the middle. We haven’t yet seen Roy working on himself to figure out what he wants with Keeley, Jamie has had no arc this season so far other than being suddenly a genius (like nothing has come from the 4am training sessions yet?)

Literally shocked that the writers can’t seem to think of a meet-cute that isn’t with someone’s boss, like I do think it’s odd that it’s happened 3 times now (Sam and Simi, Keeley and Jack, Sam and Rebecca) but I am here for seeing sapphics kiss onscreen even though I’m slightly concerned about the long-term of that for Keeley (but tbf I was about Sam too and that ended fine) 

Shandy Keeley stuff, I know it was a mirror with Sam Edwin but fml, I thought Keeley was going to learn to be a good manager and grow Shandy as an employee but... no. 

Final note even though I could probably rant for longer: I miss Phoebe SO MUCH

Anyway highlights of the season are: NATE!!!!, BeardRoy, Trent although I wish he’d say more, Higgins, and Colin has potential 

[arielmagicesi]

3, 6, 17, & 29 for the AO3 wrapped ask?

I have been so sick and forgotten to respond to this lol... ok let's see:

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

It'd probably have to be "we'll never have problems again". I love my Marwa series in general and that one focuses the most on Marwa and her character development. It was just really fun to take this incredibly minor background character and imagine a whole story for her set in the silly sitcom universe I know and love.

(I also love "if you ever need a favor in twenty years, call a camp kvetcher girl" which is my CXG/Community crossover, but that has less of an audience due to it being a crossover of two shows that are both no longer airing)

6. Favorite title you used

Obviously I loved using Crazy Ex-Girlfriend song titles a bunch loooool so probably just all my CXG song title fics. I also thought "Good Night, Staten Island, and Good Mental Health" was a fun way to combine the two fandoms in that crossover. Oh and I liked using a Starkid song lyric for "now my only wish is that our plots may intertwine". Idk can't decide

17. Your favorite character to write this year?

Oh I can't decide... Probably Nadja because she's just such a treat to write. She also showed up in my fics the most.

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

Oh I have a huge ego when it comes to my writing and I wrote 12 fics this year so there's not a chance I'd be able to choose that... I did really love the scene in "i'm the villain in my own story" where Laszlo comforts Guillermo after his breakup with Freddie- it was maybe a bit more serious than the tone of the show merits but I put a lot of my own feelings into that and it was interesting to explore the relationship between those two characters. Same deal with the passage in "we'll never have problems again" where Marwa ruminates on what she learned from her mother and father- again, too serious for the show, but I also borrowed from thoughts about my own family. I guess it's short enough to share here:

Her mother, during these evenings, would shuffle back and forth from the kitchen, carrying hot and heavy plates of rice and kebab, silver bowls of nuts and fresh fruit. She always smiled, and when Marwa’s father asked her to sit down a while and listen to his stories, she would always oblige, lounging peacefully and laughing along to his jokes. At night, though, once everyone was asleep, she became something else. Marwa had seen it once, when she’d gotten up in the middle of the night and thought to get herself a glass of water, and seen her mother, skirts hiked up and hair tied away from her face, on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor with a ferocity Marwa never would have guessed of her gentle, people-pleasing mother. Then she’d stopped, wiping her forehead, and Marwa had gotten a glimpse, for just a moment, of her face- tired, worn, bitter.

Just as she listened to her father’s stories and riddles, she listened to this lesson, too.

and in terms of funny passages, this one from "the one with the secondhand embarrassment" is probably my favorite:

“When did you meet this new guy?” Nandor said. “Why haven’t you told me about him? I thought friends tell each other these things.”

“I haven’t really told anyone,” Guillermo said. “It’s still sort of new, I met him in London, so I haven’t even told my mom. I mean, she’s still sort of shaky about the gay stuff- I do want to tell her, though, eventually- But I guess if I’m going to tell anyone first, I’m glad it’s you guys. At the end of the day, you really are like my family-”

“Yeah, great, who gives a shit,” Laszlo said. “How big is his package? Stop me when I reach it.”

He started spreading his hands apart.

Guillermo sighed.

“I actually should probably go check on Colin,” he said. “Thanks for, uh. Being so supportive, I guess.”

He headed out of the room. Laszlo, whose hands had now extended to about a yard apart, raised his eyebrows.

“The chap’s got quite an impressive wang,” he said.

And yeah I have a bunch of other passages I'm proud of because like I said, I'm very fond of my own writing lol, but I'm not gonna share all of them. Anyway. Thank you for the ask!

[rubysunnday]

Favourite brother - Part 2

A/N: well, part one went down surprisingly well! 

“So, Daphne is now a duchess...”

Y/N raised her eyebrows expectantly at her brother, waiting for him to finish his comment. She looked back down at her embroidery and poked the needle through the fabric. “And?”

Colin leant forward in his chair. “Perhaps, now, the ton will be watching you.”

Y/N let out a unladylike snort. “Oh, please. As long as Miss Thompson is around and as long as Daphne and Simon are in their ‘newlywed’ bliss, I will always be the wallflower of the family.”

Colin eyed his sister with a sad gaze. He didn’t miss the way she stabbed her needle through the fabric a little harder than necessary nor the way she practically glowered at Anthony (probably hoping he would spontaneously combust). 

“Colin, I can feel you staring at me,” Y/N said, looking up from her embroidery to give her brother a level stare. “What is it?” “You truly don’t believe you are worth anything, do you?”

Y/N paused, needle halfway through the fabric. She slowly pushed it through, trying to ignore the burning in her eyes.

Colin was right. She didn’t see herself as worthy of anything. Compared to Daphne who’d captured the eye of the ton and then a duke and a prince, she’d had nothing. Her three older brothers had always been swarmed with suitors and Y/N had truly believed that, maybe, one day, it would’ve been like that for her.

But apart from an almost marriage to Nigel Berbrooke that was out of spite to her brother and sister and was unwanted by her, she had had no proposals and no suitors.

A fact she wanted to blame Anthony for but that Y/N knew was down to nothing more than bad luck. 

If she’d made her debut a year later it would’ve been the same story. Everyone would’ve been captivated by Eloise and she would’ve been forgotten. Or everyone would’ve been terrified of Eloise and been forced to look at Y/N.

Either or.

When you were a twin of someone who excelled in everything you didn’t, it was easy to be overlooked and forgotten - especially in a family of nine. 

But up until she and Daphne came of age, she hadn’t felt overlooked. She’d felt loved and seen as an equal to her brothers. Anthony hadn’t been so protective (He'd always been protective of them all. But compared to how Benedict was when someone upset or threatened his family, Anthony was a saint.). 

Everyone fawned over Daphne when she began courting Simon - and rightfully so. But Y/N’s prospects and potential suitors had become nothing more than polite conversation between her and her ladies maid. 

“Y/N?”

Y/N inhaled sharply and jumped slightly at Colin’s voice. She looked over at him and gave him a somewhat unconvincing smile. “I’m fine. I just feel somewhat underwhelming compared to my sister,” she replied, turning her eyes back to her embroidery. 

Which was beginning to look less and less like a violet and more like an oddly shaped duck. 

Colin, sensing his sister wasn’t in the mood to be proved wrong, left the conversation there. He also didn’t want to end up with a sewing needle in his eye - the chances of which were becoming increasingly likely the more he poked and prodded. 

It was a beautiful ballroom.

There were candles in every window and garlands of flowers draped across the walls with petals dashed across the floor. 

The garden was a lit with numerous furnaces and torches that blazed in the summer night and the fountain set in the centre of the sprawling, immaculate hedges and flowers trickled away.

None of the beauty, however, was making Y/N feel any better about being left out of yet another ball.

She’d been standing on the sidelines watching ever since she’d arrived. Benedict had offered to dance with her but Y/N hadn’t wanted to be mentioned in Lady Whistledown for dancing with no one but her own brothers so had declined the invitation.

Instead she chose to stand and watch the beautiful couples dance around the room as she sulked and drank yet another glass of lemonade. 

“Why are you skulking back here?” Anthony asked, approaching his sister with a confused, concerned and curious expression.

Y/N swallowed the rather large gulp of lemonade she’d taken and tried not to give her brother a glare. “No one’s asked me to dance.”

“I’m sure Colin -”

“That is not the point, Anthony!” Y/N exclaimed, cutting him off. “I’ve had no one to dance with apart from my brother’s and Simon, who is now my brother too!” She almost growled but remembered that half the ton were around and forced herself to calm down. “Daphne has been the centre of everyone’s attention and had the suitors falling at het feet. I thought that now she’s married, they’d look to me - but apparently no one settles for second best.” 

Anthony stared at his sister. “Y/N, you’re not second best to anyone.”

Y/N scoffed. She set her empty lemonade glass down, slightly worried she was going to through it at her brother’s head. “Then why haven’t you looked at me twice all season, Anthony? You walked off at my very first ball, leaving me to flounder. You never escorted me - not even tonight! You have, so far, not cared about who comes calling for me - which was no one, by the way - and you don’t care that I have had no suitors, no callers and no proposals!”

She was breathing fast and could feel her heart pounding in her chest. She was angry. She was so angry and even though most of the anger was at the ton for being so vain, she couldn’t very well direct it at a ballroom full of people.

Instead she directed it at her older brother, the one who should’ve looked out for her and guided her through her first season in society but didn’t.

Anthony, for once, had the decency to look hurt by his sister’s accusations. He had a broken look on his face as he realised she was right and that he’d ignored  her. He was stunned into silence.

But Y/N hadn’t want pitiful silence, she’d wanted an argument - for Anthony to get angry at her and prove her wrong but also right.

“Say something!” Y/N snapped, glaring at Anthony. 

 Benedict and Colin had noticed the, somewhat heated argument, and were trying to weave their way through the crowd to intervene before one of them snapped and punched the other.

Anthony opened his mouth and closed it again. He was speechless - a rare feat, indeed.

Y/N scoffed and shook her head. “Fine.”

She turned on her heel and disappeared through the crowd, heading towards the door to the garden. 

Benedict and Colin made it to Anthony’s side and frowned.

“What was that all about?” Benedict asked, looking at Anthony expectantly. 

Anthony swallowed and forced himself to look at his brother. “She hates me.”

Colin, who had sensed the argument was coming, put a hand on Anthony’s arm. “No, she doesn’t. She’s angry at the world and the expectations society place on her shoulders. All she really wants, Anthony, is you.”

“I’ve ignored her almost this entire season,” Anthony said, staring at Colin. “How...”

“There’s still a few weeks left of the season, though,” Colin reminded him. He gestured to the door that Y/N had fled through. “Go on.”

Anthony didn’t need anymore encouragement, he brushed past his brother’s and all but marched through the crowd towards the door. 

Y/N had disappeared out onto the fire lit terrace of the house and was leaning on the stone bannister, trying to calm down. 

She loved her brother. Truly, she did. She also knew that he would never do anything to ruin her prospects intentionally.

That didn’t, however, stop her from wanting to throttle him. 

“Y/N?”

Y/N closed her eyes and inhaled. She could feel Anthony watching her and heard his footsteps approaching closer as he walked up to her. 

“Are you alright?” 

There was concern - genuine concern - in his voice. Y/N was usually good at keeping her emotions together and not breaking down until she was either with her mother or on her own.

But all it took was Anthony’s concerned question and a gentle hand on her shoulder for her to lose any control she’d had.

Y/N felt the tears drip down her face and turned to Anthony, practically throwing her arms around him and clinging on to him as if he was the only thing keeping her afloat. 

Slightly surprised by her sudden change in emotion, it took Anthony a moment to catch-up with the fact his sister was sobbing in to his arms and needed, not Lord Bridgerton, but her big brother. 

Anthony wrapped his arms around her and held her as she sobbed, waiting for her to speak.

Y/N eventually managed to get control of her emotions again and she stepped away from Anthony, wiping her eyes as delicately as she could to avoid ruining her make-up.

“Sorry.”

“Never apologise for being human,” Anthony said softly, sitting next to her on a bench. 

Y/N sighed. “I’m just... compared to Daphne I am nothing. No one has even looked twice at me this entire season. I’m her sister and nothing more.”

Anthony put a hand on her knee. “Do you truly believe that?” He asked, looking her in the eye.

“I don’t know. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. All I wish is for someone, anyone, to look at me and call on me because they like me. Not because they wanted an easy way to my sister or to you or to Eloise or to anyone who isn’t me!” 

“Y/N, you are a wonderful young lady and if those men can’t see it -”

“Then they’re not worth my time, I know,” she said, shooting Anthony an amused smile. “You sound like Benedict.”

“I believe you meant that Benedict sounds like me, he did come second after all,” Anthony quipped.

Y/N smacked her brother on the arm. She shook her head with a smiles she tried not to laugh. 

“Come on,” Anthony said, standing up and holding a hand out to her. “Will you do me the honour of a dance, Miss Bridgerton?”

Y/N took his hand and let him pull her to her feet. “Of course, Lord Bridgerton.” 

“Excuse me, Miss Bridgerton?” Y/N turned around. A young man, Lord Durrell if she remembered correctly, was standing in front of her looking slightly anxious.

“Yes, Lord Durrell?” Anthony asked, raising his eyebrows in his trademark brooding, older brother way.

“I was wondering if you would do me the honour of a dance this evening?” Durrell asked, looking directly at Y/N.

Y/N smiled and held out the arm that her dance card was on. “Of course, Lord Durrell. After I’ve dance with my brother, of course.”

Lord Durrell smiled and wrote his name on her card. “I look forward to it,” he said, bowing down.

Y/N curtsied slightly in response and watched as he left. She waited a few seconds and then squealed and jumped up and down. 

Anthony chuckled, stepping back to avoid being hit by a flailing limb. “See, I told you.”

“No, you didn't, actually,” Y/N said, taking her brother’s arm. “You just repeated what Benedict said and gave me a hug.”

“Which is just as important.”

“Naturally.”

Anthony led Y/N to the dance floor and the two took up their positions. 

“I don’t say this often enough,” Y/N said as they danced around the room, “but I’m so glad you’re my brother, Anthony.”

Anthony managed to concel his surprise by twirling Y/N around and using the brief moment she wasn’t looking to show his surprise before hiding it again. 

“I’m incredibly lucky to have you in my life,” she continued, oblivious. “I just wanted you to know that.”

Anthony nodded and smiled, twirling her around again. 

Later on, however, when he was in his own lodgings away from prying eyes, Anthony looked back on the moment and had to hide his tears in a bottle of whiskey and the mountain of paperwork he had to fulfil. 

[robinrequiems]

ok ig cashier damian is my latest hyper fixiation, so let’s add

• Ight so, on fridays, jon cannot come in all the time, very rarely can he. and when he does. he sees a very cute sleepy damian who also wants to punch him:)

• damian is just a mess. he didn’t have time to fix his appearance because as soon as he got out of school, he had to change in a shitty unsanitary grocery store bathroom.

• it was not fucking fun. it never is. damian is so over it. jon normally sees Damian working on homework quickly before putting it away when Jon or other customers show

• damian cannot be asked to look like a normal human being when he just finished 7 sad hours of school in ANOTHER shitty uniform. he hates uniforms

Jon: you look like you’re gonna fall asleep

Damian: ugh, look who it is, the good boy from metropolis who doesn’t look like a creep at all when he comes here just to talk to me. woo hoo!

Jon: nice to see you too

• jon normally sucked on lollipops when he didn’t want to chew on gum, plus sometimes he chews on gum really aggressively and it hurts his jaw

• but let’s talk abt jonny: star athlete ( I’m a simp for athletes jon, please kill me. he’s a basketball player in this though. he got the height for it anyway ), himbo-vibes, and overall sweetheart.

• at least that’s what everyone else thinks. his life is a cycle. A very miserable cycle. It’s honestly tiring and hurts his head and generally takes his mood down

• but then he drove to bludhaven in his new car and brand new license. and he saw him.

• sure he’s seen moody teenagers working at stores before, but this boy; Damian, by his name tag, was different. He SENSED IT

• jon found that he liked different

• damian.. just didn’t easily talk with Jon like so many did at home. he liked a challenge

• and Damian was his challenge

• so he wasted so much gas and time and money to visit him.

• he was so whipped

• he was attracted to him. just the way he did things. like goddamn. ok.

• then his friends and him took a trip there. it was Saturday, they were gonna leave on Sunday. it was for Kathy’s birthday. He had no idea why she wanted to go here.

• oh. yeah. The idiots taken in for underaged drinking. Jon didn’t drink. ( he was a good boy and designated driver ) so he was just there trying to get the officers to let his friends off the hook

Damian: oh look, guess the good boy isn’t really a good boy.

Jon: Damian—? No! I’m here to get my friends out!

Damian: figures, you’re too innocent to do bad things.

Jon: what did you do then?

Damian: well wouldnt my you like to know

Dick: Damian! There you are! Sorry, I was calling up some parents- who is this?

Damian: Good boy.

Dick: ah.

Jon: Jon Kent.. nice to meet you

Dick: wait. As in Clark Kent?

Jon: yeah? that’s my dad

Dick: aw your dad used to babysit me

Damian: can we go now

Dick: hush Damian, I’m feeling nostalgic

• so Damian learned jons name. And jon got to see Damian in regular clothes, so that was cool

• he also got in trouble and couldn’t see Damian for a month because his parents were upset about what happened.. understandable, but jon was still upset

Tai: soo, that was him?:)

Jon: shut up

• tai accidentally found out about cashier boy, it was very funny for tai. not Jon. he teased jon for being whipped.

• sure jon liked damian for his looks at first. then he liked him for him.

Jon: dad, some guy named dick said hi

Clark: jon it isn’t— wait-

Jon: he said you babysat him

Clark: really? You saw him, how did he look? I haven’t seen him since he was a kid!

Jon: um. good?

Clark: where did you see him?

Jon: ..the police place

• his parents put a tracker on jons phone. now they were so confused why their son kept going to Giant Beagle in bludhaven. it was. weird.

• they just- was he meeting someone?? why was he doing this? WAS HE GETTING DRUGS? wait. no. it’s jon. jon couldn’t even stand the smell of cigarettes

Lois: jon.. honey.

Jon: yeah?

Lois: why do you keep driving to bludhaven? I’m worried about you and want to make sure you aren’t doing anything.. bad. Or dangerous.

• granted, it was very dangerous going out there, but he liked it. he liked the thrill of when he got to walk damian back sometimes! HE WAS GETTING CLOSER TO DAMIAN!

• oh also. it turns out damian gave him a fake number

• rude.

• damian always warned him though. and tried to make jon not walk far. jon was.. jon was a good boy. he would never survive in bludhaven frequently, jt worried humored damian.

• sometimes jon came by during the day. Damian’s Sunday shift was in the evening while his Saturday one was in the morning. jon got to go get lunch with him sometimes if Damian felt like there were enough people around that would know if he got kidnapped or not

Damian: why do you bother talking to me? most get bored of me and my attitude.

Jon: I find it charming. you’re fun to talk to. you feel so real. almost everyone in my life feels artificial and like I’m living in a disney Chanel movie.

Damian: *he laughed* oh?

Jon, loving Damians laugh rn: yeah! it’s like they’re.. androids or somethin’.

Damian: why don’t you just find someone snarky from metropolis?

Jon: it wouldn’t be as fun then.

Jon: i like a challenge.

• getting to know damian was like trying to beat the hardest level in his game. it was mind blowing how many times he basically had to restart. Damian was also like a Rubix cube, but jon will get there. He already has 1 side done on it.

Jon: so you live with your brother?

Damian: yes.

Jon: nice

• jon didn’t pry. Damian and dick had became forgotten after bruces death, a lot of the kids did. they just all disappeared from the media like ghosts.

• so jon didn’t know that dick wasn’t his blood relative, or that Damian was Bruce’s child. no one really did

• it wasn’t like it mattered though anyways

Damian: basketball is lame.

Jon: have you ever played?

Damian: yes. it sucked ass

• jon has helped Damian restocked late at night sometimes. Damian doesn’t like him touching things, but the faster he does it, faster he can go home to get his pets, alfred, and his idiot brother

Damian: you waste a lot of gas coming to see me.

Jon: it’s worth it.

• jon had to get a job. boo. he worked on days he didn’t have practice and sadly, on sundays.

• he was a worker at a small cafe, he was just a waiter there

• and then one day, on a Sunday, Damian came in with a few people. WAIT DAMIAN CAME IN

Jon: DAMIAN

Damian, clearly startled: what the fuck, jon!

Jon: why’re you here! how long are you staying! ARE TOU REALLY HERE!

Maya: is this who you were talking about?

Damian: shut up.. but calm down, idiot.

Damian: .. you got a haircut.

Jon: you- you noticed? sorry I couldn’t come this week. was busy this week and needed to catch up on sleep.

Damian:’it’s fine. I guess I really should give you my number now.

Colin: that was smooth

Jon: really?

Damian: mhm. after you seat us, dumbass.

Jon: oh right

• and Damian did give jon his number

• a real one dw

Maps: he was cute.. he single?

Maya: he wouldn’t be single if Damian just manned up

Colin: they practically just stared at each other the whole time when they thought the other wasn’t looking

Damian: wait he was looking at me?

Maya: oh damians so whipped.

• oh how the cashier is falling for the waiter

• sounds like a hallmark film.

• next week jon did end up visiting him in ‘haven, and drove him home.

• damians feet were hurting and he was tired so he didn’t even bother to argue.

• jon couldn’t come to visit his favorite cashier during winters a lot, he may of liked his new “dangerous” life, but he heard how bad the roses could get from Damian

• damian was a bit sad and moody because of that. but shut up. you don’t know anything dick

Dick: you know.. you should invite him inside

Damian: so you can embarrass me? no thank you.

Dick: me? embarrass you? never. but come on, you have never shown interested in anyone before! I wanna meet him!

Damian: you already did. At the police station. you forget or something?

Dick: .. that wasn’t really the best first meeting. come on. please?

Damian: no.

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

A Place To Call Home: Halloween

Summary: A casual Halloween night out for some drinks between the reader, TJ and Cody becomes anything but when the reader thinks she may have been drugged at a bar. When she calls Jensen for help, their relationship takes a fundamental change...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x foster daughter!reader

Word Count: 6,100ish

Warnings: language, drinking, drugging, angst, fluff

A/N: This part takes place after the Jensen’s Day timestamp. Enjoy!

______

“Trick or treat!” said Allie after your dad answered the front door in a batman t shirt. 

“Well aren’t you the cutest little Elsa,” he said. He dropped a few big handfuls of candy in her bag and then a few more. He tickled Colin and got a laugh from him. “Colin you are the most adorable baby Yoda ever cutie and I gotta say...you ain’t a half bad Mandalorian, kid. You almost look tough or something.”

“It’s cause I’m a badass,” said TJ as he stuck out his chest.

“It’s cause you’re a nerd,” said your dad. You walked inside, Colin giggling as your mom stole him away without a second glance. “Nice costume though.”

“Y/N picked it out off some website or something,” he said. He sneezed and your dad shut the door. “God my allergies are killing me lately. Ragweed is horrible this year.”

“I know. De and I have been popping allergy meds the past few days,” he said. “You get it the worst.”

“Yeah but I started taking it like a week ago to build it up. I think it’s helping. Also, a bounty hunter and an adoptive dad? Mmm, peak man crush right there, babe,” you said, your dad rolling his eyes as TJ kissed your cheek.

“And what exactly are you supposed to be? A curtain?” teased your dad as you spun around.

“I thought I’d go another route,” you said. You took off your robe and he went wide eyed. “Soldier...girl?”

“Oh my God. You’re Solider Boy. That is so fucking cool!” he said as he looked you over.

“Jay, fuck’s a bad word,” said Allie. 

“And we don’t repeat bad words, do we,” said TJ. “De’s got some more candy for you somewhere I bet.”

She took off up to the TV room and your dad walked around you.

“What do you think?” you asked. “Look real?”

“Okay that’s like good. Like real good. It’s just like mine from the show. Like even the shield looks the same.”

“It’s from the show. Kripke sent it to me. I know it’s a little big for my back but I couldn’t not use it,” you said. “I took a long shot and asked him on Twitter about it and he just like sent me the thing. He was really nice.”

“Good,” he said as he looked you over. “I am impressed. You guys might win your costume contest thing at whatever bar you’re going to.”

“I just want to go drink,” you said, TJ throwing an arm over your shoulders. “We’ll be back around eleven, midnight?” 

“Go have fun. Mom and I’ll watch the babies tonight. Pick ‘em up in the morning,” he said.

“We didn’t pack bags for them,” you said. He stared at you and shook his head.

“You live a quarter of a mile away. We shall survive without you for one evening,” he said, pushing you both out the door. “Go have fun with Cody. I’ll see your hungover butts tomorrow, okay?”

“Don’t have to tell us twice.”

“Cody,” you said at the bar a few hours later. He finished off his drink and shook out his head. “Can you check on TJ? He’s been in the bathroom awhile.”

“Yeah. Order me another gin and tonic?” he asked.

“Can do,” you said. You hopped off your seat and paused for a moment, getting your bearings before you walked over to the bar. “Gin and tonic and another...graveyard…”

“Graveyard smash?” asked the girl behind the bar.

“Yeah. Another one of those. Oh and a bottle of bud,” you said. You handed over your card to pay, tucking it back in your shorts pocket. You brought the drinks over to the table, finishing off your margarita and the last of TJ’s old beer before you started sipping on the Halloween mixer. 

It took about thirty seconds before you realized what you’d done.

“Fuck,” you said. You pursed your lips and took out your phone, biting your bottom lip before you dialed.

“You better be drunk calling me,” chuckled your dad. “What’s up, kiddo?”

“The guys are in the bathroom and I just drank from a glass that nobody was watching,” you said. You shut your eyes and felt a little off, not sure if it was because of the already decent amount of alcohol in you or something else. “What do I do?”

“Go to the bar and sit there and don’t move. The boys will be back soon,” he said. You tried to move but felt wobbly and sat back on your seat. “Y/N, don’t hang up on me.”

“Dad, I don’t think I can walk over there,” you said. “I’m drunk but...shit I fucked up.”

“Where are you?” he asked.

“Um, the uh...the place to the right of Jared’s.”

“Okay. Sit there. I’m gonna call…” he said as you stared down at the bathrooms. “Y/N. Answer me.”

“I think something’s wrong,” you said. “The boys are taking too long.”

“Cody is a police officer and TJ is tougher than he looks. They’re probably throwing up or something,” he said.

“TJ said he felt funny,” you said as you stared at his glass. “What if it was in his drink?”

“I don’t know but whatever you do, do not leave your spot,” he said.

“But it’s TJ.”

“Y/N I’m having a hard enough time not freaking out right now. Please do not move,” he said. 

“Hey! Soldier boy!” said a guy walking by in a homelander costume. “Nice suit.”

“Can you do me a favor?” you said, the guy smiling as he leaned against your table. “My husband and friend went to the bathroom a long time ago and didn’t come back. One’s the Mandalorian and the other one is a zombie. Can you check on them for me?”

“Yes I can very drunk girl,” he chuckled. “I’ll be back.”

“Y/N, stop putting the phone down,” said your dad in your ear.

“Homelander’s going to look for the boys.”

“Your boys or The Boys?” he asked.

“Should I have clarified?”

“Just...I’ll be there soon. Don’t-”

“Boys!” you said, Homelander wandering back over with a very pale looking TJ and a wet Cody.

“I think your friends were puking in the alley,” said Homelander.

“Thank you so much,” you said. “You’re so sweet.”

“Mind if I get a pic? Your costume is kinda perfect,” he said.

“Not at all,” you said. You hopped off your seat and felt better. “Ah, okay. Just drunk.”

“Hm?” said TJ as you hung up your call and the other guy gave him his phone. “Hey there’s a starlight over there too.”

“Starlight! Come get your pic taken with the Seven, girl!” you shouted.

“She’s drunk,” said the homelander guy with a laugh. 

“After three of those graveyard smash things? Oh for sure,” said TJ.

Half an hour later you were onto another drink and TJ was fanboying over star wars with another guy in a Mandalorian outfit. Cody was talking to the starlight chick who was maybe in a relationship with the homelander guy. They were at least mutually pining for one another if they weren’t already.

“Morris. Come on. I’m drunk and even I can tell Kayla Starlight over there is dying for you to ask her out,” you said. He shrugged and you cocked your head. “Oh come on.”

“She’s been my best friend since I was like four. Like, I can’t fuck up twenty something years of friendship if she’s...how fucked am I?” he asked as you smirked.

“So fucked,” you laughed. “Trust me. I was besties with my husband for years before we finally talked about it. Sometimes you just gotta-”

“Why the fuck haven’t you been answering your phone?” you heard your dad say. You spun around and gave him a smile.

“Is that the guy that played-”

“Walk away kid. Now,” growled your dad. 

“See ya around, Y/N,” he said, Kayla disappearing with a wave with him. TJ spun around and your dad shot him a dirty look.

“What’d I do?” asked TJ.

“You three are glued to your phones yet tonight for some reason, you seem to have forgotten they exist. If you’d read a text then you’d know that she called me half an hour ago saying she thought she’d been drugged.”

“What?” Cody and TJ said, both of them staring at you.

“Fuck, Y/N I thought someone took you,” said your dad. You opened your mouth and he shook his head.

“She’s just drunk,” said TJ. 

“Well thanks for the update. You could have answered your phone,” he said. He glared at you and shook his head. “Don’t ever do that again.”

He left the bar and you slid off your seat, jogging outside, telling the boys you’d be back in a minute. There were a lot of people out for a Friday night and it took a second to find him in the crowd. 

“Dad,” you said. You caught up with him as he walked down the sidewalk. You tugged on his arm and the man spun around, very much not your father. “Sorry. I thought you were someone else.”

“Nice costume,” he said and you stepped back into another body, your head swimming. “You gonna puke? Alley’s over there.”

You turned your head and jogged around the corner, spitting up your stomach with a big heave. You wiped off your mouth and sighed, getting up to your feet. There was a shove on your back and you got pushed further into the darkness, falling onto the dirt and gravel. You spun around on your bottom and saw the guy from before.

“Be more careful, kid. You’re tripping there.”

“You pushed me,” you grumbled as you stood up, picking up a rock in your fist as you went.

“You’re on something. You got that look in your eye,” he said. You narrowed your eyes and he walked forward, close enough for you to whack him in the head with the rock. He swore as he fell down and you ran back onto the street, jogging away until you got to a street corner and saw a familiar back of someone’s head.

“Dad,” you said, tugging on his jacket, relieved to find it was him this time. “Dad, there was-”

“I don’t want to speak to you right now,” he said. You swallowed and stared at him, his face hard.

“Dad. I-”

“You never hang up the phone with me when you call me like that ever again, do you understand?” he said. You stared at him and his jaw clenched. “Of course you don’t. You’re drunk.”

“Dad I’m not. I-”

“You smell like vomit,” he said with a scoff. You turned around and saw the man from before hanging back, shooting you a look. “Go back to the bar, Y/N.”

“Dad-”

“Would you just go?” he shouted. 

“Dad don’t. I need-”

“For fucks sake. Just go away.”

You let go of his arm, tears welling in your eyes. 

“Grow up,” he said. You stepped back, watching him walk across the street.

“D-Daddy,” you said. He stopped in the crosswalk and looked back at you, his gaze following yours over to the man. The man saw him look at him and took off back towards the bars when he saw your dad scowling. Your dad jogged back over to you, tensing when you took a step back from him. 

“No one’s gonna hurt you,” he said. He stepped closer and you squeezed your eyes shut. “Y/N. What’s wrong?”

“I feel funny and I’m drunk and I’m scared and I’m scared of you,” you breathed out. “You were gonna leave me alone.”

“Y/N-”

“You said you wouldn’t leave me alone,” you said. You stumbled over to a nearby wall and slide down it, your head in your hands. “Don’t leave me alone. You promised. You said so.”

“Okay,” he said as he sat down beside you. He kissed the top of your head and you heard him shudder. “You’re okay, munchkin, I promise.”

“How are you feeling this morning?” asked the doctor that walked into your room. 

“Tired,” you mumbled. TJ and Cody were there in their own stalls, still in their costumes, your dad out in the hall talking to someone.

“Your blood alcohol content was up there,” he said. “Especially you, Y/N.”

“I want to go home,” you groaned.

“You’ll be discharged shortly,” he said. You grumbled and half an hour later you were signing something that you could leave.

“Y/N,” said your dad as you walked away from the nurses station. You glanced over your shoulder, glancing down until he came over. “We need to talk about last night.”

“No we don’t. We got too drunk. I fucked up. Lesson learned,” you said. You started to head out and he grabbed your shoulder. “Jensen let go.”

“Y/N,” he said, spinning you around. He opened his mouth and you crossed your arms, shrugging him off. “I made a mistake.”

“I had to beg you to help me. I called you daddy I was so scared,” you said. He shut his eyes and you growled. “Look at me.”

He snapped his eyes up, his eyes a little red already but you were too angry to care.

“The only other time I’ve ever called you that, I thought you were dead on that road. I thought...I thought there was absolutely...I was drunk and maybe drugged and your reaction was to get pissed at me, at us, for not answering phones. A man tried to attack me and I got away because my dad told me to grab whatever I could if I was ever in that situation. There you were, the safest place in the world, the safest I could ever feel after something like that happened and you told me to go away. I was terrified and you could see it on my face and you left me. You made me beg for you to help me. I don’t know who the fuck you were last night but you were not my father. You’re Jensen again until he decides to come back.”

“Y/N,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“Congratulations. You’re just like every other foster father I ever had.”

He stared at you and you turned around, walking past both TJ and Cody.

“Y/N,” said TJ and you kept walking. “Y/N. Jensen, she didn’t mean that.”

“Yes, I did. Let’s go TJ.”

One Week Later

The doorbell rang and you rolled your eyes, TJ walking past the couch and away from the door.

“TJ, can-”

“Tell him yourself,” he said, going to his office and slamming the door. You glared at it before going to the front door. You opened it quickly, your dad standing there in his raincoat and swallowing thickly.

“Is this about work?” you asked.

“No,” he said quietly.

“Then get off of my property.”

“Y/N-” he said as you slammed the door shut in his face. He rang the doorbell again and you ripped it open. “Honey-”

“I’m not your honey or kiddo or tall munchkin or anything, Jensen. This is me telling you that I want you out of my life,” you said. He lowered his head and you heard him sniffle. “I don’t give a fuck about if you cry. Get out of our lives. Stay away from my family.”

“I’ll do whatever you want me to,” he breathed out, forcing his head up. His eyes were red and puffy, face tired like it’d been that way for days. “I’ll do whatever you want. I promise.”

“You humiliated me,” you said, stepping outside and pulling the door shut. “I thought you loved me.”

“I do,” he said. “I love you so much you-”

“You don’t even know. Boo fucking hoo,” you said. He stepped back and looked small, rain dripping down on him now. “The real world sucks. Get used to it.”

“I made a mistake. Please,” he said. “Y-you don’t have to forgive me. You can...just let me try. Please. We’ve always tried. P-please let me try.”

You stared at him, watching him look down, watching him debate getting on his knees.

And it dawned on you what you’d done. What you’d said.

“Y/N, Y/N, honey,” said TJ. You looked up from the floor of your bathroom, your dad knelt down on your other side. “Honey, look at me.”

He grabbed your face and you felt wet tears streaming steadily down your cheeks.

“What happened?” you asked. “I was on the porch and now I’m here?”

“You were talking to your dad outside and he said you just...fell over crying.”

“Something’s wrong with me,” you said. You shut your eyes and TJ looked around.

“I’m gonna call the doctor,” he said. “Jensen can you keep an eye on her?”

“Of course,” he said. He kept his distance and you sniffled, opening your eyes. He looked down when you met his eyes and you started to cry.

“I’m sorry,” you said. You grabbed his arm and sat up on your knees, giving him a big hug. “Dad I’m so sorry. I love you. Please forgive me. Please. Please. I’m sorry. I want to be your daughter. I want my dad back. Please.”

“I wasn’t going anywhere,” he said. He relaxed and felt like himself again, your head resting on his shoulder. 

“Uh, guys?” asked TJ. You lifted your head up, TJ holding up his phone. “Y/N, I think I know why you freaked out on Jensen so bad.”

“How would the doctor know that over the phone?” asked your dad.

“There’s a recall out on a certain allergy medication warning people not to take it according to this headline,” said TJ. 

“Why would-”

“It’s not allergy medicine. It’s an antipsychotic drug. They mixed up the pills during manufacturing. Apparently if you give those to people that don’t need them, it fucks with their heads,” said TJ.

“You take them too,” you said as TJ nodded, your dad quiet. “Dad you and mom do-“

“I think we all better go to the hospital and get checked out. Right now.”

“How do you feel?” asked your mom a few hours later.

“My head feels normal again,” you sighed from your hospital bed. You opened your eyes, her hand running over your head. “Did I fuck it up. With dad. I think I broke it. That thing we had and it’s never going to fix back the same way.”

“You were on a very strong antipsychotic without you knowing. We are lucky all you had was some anger and a few delusions. It could have been much worse,” she said. “Daddy’s not mad, sweetie.”

“Mom I’ve never seen him like that. I was so…”

“Wasn’t just you,” he said as he rounded the corner into the room. He was out of his clothes and in a pair of pants and a plain t shirt now, holding up the bracelet on his wrist. “Why’d I have to get all the crying? I would have rather have been pissed off like you got.”

“Your test came back positive?” asked your mom.

“Yeah. So far that’s Y/N, me, TJ, Cody. The younger kids don’t seem to have it thankfully since they take the kid version. They want you to get tested though,” he said.

“But mom’s been normal,” you said as you sat up.

“Well…” he said as she rolled her eyes. “Mom’s been a little...aggressive in-”

“Don’t need to know,” you said. He chuckled and he took a seat on the opposite bed, your mom heading out. They hooked him up to an IV to clear out his system and he took a seat beside you on the bed. You looked down, getting a bump on the shoulder. His hand as on his lap, palm facing up and you smiled.

“Thatta girl,” he said as you rested yours in it. “Gonna take more than some antipsychotics to tear us apart.”

“You are the greatest foster father I’ve ever had and arguably the kindest human being I’ve ever known,” you said. He was quiet and you took a deep breath, looking across the room. “You protected me, even when you were being affected by this. I want you to forget everything I’ve said from Halloween night on. It wasn’t true. Not a second of it.”

“Was the daddy part true?” he asked. “The accident.”

“I expect you to protect me when TJ’s not around. I expect it when he is too to be honest. I spent a long time protecting myself. I was scared on that road. You couldn’t protect me. You couldn’t protect me from watching you almost die. I know how life works and that parents are not invulnerable. They get hurt. They get angry. They make mistakes. They’re human. But I’ll always be your child and on a rare occasion, I’ll need my fucking daddy to tell me it’s okay and I’ll believe him. I’m sorry for hurting him so badly.”

“You are still as ridiculous as the day you walked in your room and told me not to bother with you,” he said, tucking your hair behind your ear. “You can hurt me. You can destroy me. You can ruin me beyond repair. You’re the only thing that puts me back together though. Heals the wounds so I forget they existed. I’ve been broken before. More than you know. I am sure I will fall apart again too. But these small creatures I call my children fix all of that. The girl who ran away, who was afraid of me, she just told me I make her feel safe. I protect her. So I’m sorry but I won’t forgive you since there’s nothing to forgive. You weren’t yourself and neither was I yet you still pushed past it and realized this wasn’t normal for us. Maybe some people fight and some families would have let it go but we know we don’t stop trying in this family. Even when we’re all a little off. I’m proud of you.”

“For what?” you said quietly. He fixed your hair again, playing with it for a moment. He tickled the back of your ear and you giggled. “Dad.”

“Giggles never hurt either,” he said. He threw his arm over your shoulders and pulled you in close, kissing the top of your head. “You’re not that scared kid anymore, Y/N. You’re never gonna be her again. You’re strong. Even now, I know this will bother you for a little while but it won’t change anything. We’ll be even better if that’s possible.”

“You were begging me at the house,” you said.

“Could have gotten that new bronco you’ve been looking at. Sounds like you lost out,” he chuckled.

“Dork,” you said as you hugged him.

“I’m sorry for how I acted that night at the bar too. I’ll never do it again. I promise to not leave your side if you ever call me for help. Not for a second.”

“Dad you don’t have to apologize.”

“I’m bigger than you. I get to force this apology,” he said. “Am I forgiven?”

“Always,” you said. You saw a guy go past in the hall and you went wide eyed. “That’s the guy from the alley!”

“Hey,” said your dad with a smile as you got up. He walked out with his IV, you on his tail as the guy turned around with his doctor. The man looked at you and shook his head. “You’re the dickhead that tried to hurt my daughter aren’t you? I thought that was you.”

“Ew,” you said, looking at the infected cut on his head. Your dad moved forward and you caught his arm. “Um, maybe we can call the police?” 

A security guard at the nurse’s station got up and the man sighed, your dad narrowing his eyes.

“I was only gonna kill him a little,” he said. The man stared and your dad cocked his head. “I’m hopped up on anti-psychotics buddy. I can be very creative.”

“Dad,” you said, dragging him back into the room. “Let the police handle it.”

“I did get a little too happy about fantasizing over that,” he said as he sat down. You rolled your eyes and took a seat, laying back on the bed.

“Am I too big for a cuddle?” you asked.

“Nope, especially not in the hospital,” he said. He sat back and you rested your head on his shoulder. “Where is that husband of yours anyways?”

“I think he’s on the phone with the lawyer trying to sue or something,” you said. “Let him wander the halls and get it out of his system.”

“Excuse me?” You both turned to look at the door. “Hi. I’m Morris Harrison with Richmond...Solider Boy?”

“Homelander?” you said as Morris shook his head. “Uh, hi?”

“Hi. I uh, I’m a lawyer at Richmond and Associates and we’re working the class action against the pharmaceutical manufacturer. I got a call about more cases,” he said, handing over a business card. 

“We’ll be getting the family lawyer in contact with you rest assured,” said your dad. He nodded and looked away. “You okay?”

“Morris this is my dad, Jensen. Dad this is the nice boy from the bar you shouted at,” you said.

“To be fair, I was mentally impaired...and I mean come on, Homelander? Gotta be careful of those,” he smirked. 

“I was actually gonna be…” he said, shaking his head. “Sorry.”

“You and Kayla were gonna be Sam and Dean! Oh yeah. Now I remember,” you said. 

“I like the new friend,” chuckled your dad.

“I’ll see you guys around sometime. Maybe a little less drinking this time?” said Morris.

“Yeah. Text TJ. We’ll get together,” you said. “Oh. I gotta ask. How’d the Kayla situation work out?”

“We have our sixth date tonight,” he said. You grinned and he rolled his eyes. “You’re alright drunk girl.”

“Later Homelander,” you said with a wave as he left.

“He was nice,” said your dad. “Did I really shout at him?”

“Yeah. I think he’s a fan so thank you for being nicer this time,” you said. 

“Well...at least you made a few new friends out of this experience?” he said. “Silver lining?”

“I will take a quiet, happy day for now,” you said.

“Me too, kiddo.”

Three Days Later

It was after ten when you slipped inside your parents house. It was a little dark, your siblings all at sleepovers. You poked your head around a corner, your dad in the kitchen mixing two cocktails together. He lifted his head up, cocking his head.

“Y/N?” he asked as you stepped out from around the corner. “What are you doing here?”

“I know you and mom got the house to yourselves so I’ll only be a minute,” you said. 

“Uh, what?” he said as you walked over and gave him a hug. He returned it and ran his hand over your head. “Y/N. I know you didn’t mean what you said. You can stop apologizing. Please.”

“I know,” you said. 

“Alright then,” he said. “I’ll take free hugs anytime.”

“Dad.”

“Yeah?” he asked as you squeezed him hard. He returned it and you smirked as you looked up. “What are you up to?”

“Can I show you something?” you asked. He nodded and you pulled him with you towards your old room, back to being one for guests. You walked him inside and sat him down on the bed as he watched you. You went over to the closet and turned on the light reaching up top into a shoe box. You took it down and walked it over, handing it to him.

“What’s this?” he asked.

“My dad’s kinda sappy and he writes me these letters,” you said. He rolled his eyes but smiled, putting his hands on top. “I started writing back. I put them in this box and figured one day you’d find them. But I know it wouldn’t hurt for you to maybe peek a look now after everything.”

He nodded and smiled, freezing when he took off the lid.

“Y/N...how many letters is this?”

“A boxful?” you said. “I maybe write them with more...frequency than he does. They are dated and hopefully in order.”

He picked out the first one and shut his eyes. You bit your bottom lip and he took a deep breath.

“This is from four days after your seventeenth birthday.”

“Every time I went to therapy I wrote one. Some are for mom but your names are on the envelopes.”

“Why does this one say dad?” he asked, holding up the first one. “I wasn’t dad for years.”

“Oh we both know you were my father the first day I stepped foot in here,” you said. “I could pretend to a piece of paper. It was safe. It wouldn’t hurt me. I started calling you dad in my head a very long time ago. I just didn’t say it in case you didn’t want me to be your daughter in the end.”

He put the envelope back in the box and carefully put the lid on, tucking it by his side. He wiped off his face with the back of his hands and looked up at you.

“Next month you turn twenty eight. You’ll have been with us for a hair over eleven years. This last year...the accident...TJ and his dad...now this...you’re the adult more lately than I am.”

“Dad I’m almost twenty eight like you said. But my head still feels...younger. You’re fifty one. But you still probably think of yourself as a twenty year old kid.”

“You are learning the secrets of adulthood after all,” he said, wiping off his face again. “Y/N...I have this fear when it comes to you. It’s only you. I understand why. But it’s a fear I’ve lived with for quite a long time. It’s a fear I thought came true earlier in the week.”

“She was a bitch that didn’t know better.”

“Don’t call yourself a bitch,” he said, sounding young, shaking his head. “You’ve always been tougher than me. I put on a good act but I’m...I’m privileged and I’ve had an easy life and even that seems hard sometimes. I couldn’t be you. I’m not strong enough. I’m not strong enough to erase the fear that I had, that lingered.”

“What are you afraid of?” you asked as you sat down on the bed.

“I have always loved you. But there was a time you didn’t love me and it took a while before it was unconditional. I’ve always had this fear that I would fuck up and hurt you, make you not love me anymore and that’s selfish of me. I know it is. But I can’t lose you. It just...I was broken last week. Like somebody ripped part of my soul out and it was gone forever. I’ve dealt with grief and death and heartbreak and nothing has ever hurt like that. The drugs did all that I know but...I would have done anything to get you back. Anything. And this girl, this amazing young woman, she writes me letters. She’s been writing me letters for eleven years. I never had to be afraid of you either, did I.”

“No,” you said. “But it’s okay. Boys are allowed to get scared too.”

“Your parents did a pretty good job with you,” he said.

“Yes. I think the four of them did too,” you said.

“I didn’t raise you.”

“Yes you did,” you said. You shoved a hand in your pocket and pulled out an envelope, handing it to him. 

“Another for the box?” he asked.

“I already snuck today’s in there,” you said. “This is different.”

“What is it?”

“Just open it.” He untucked the flap and laughed, pulling out the sheet of paper. “TJ thought it was cute.”

“An IOU to tag along whenever I’d like when you go out drinking,” he chuckled. “I’m gonna need several hundred more of these while you’re at it.”

“How about like three?” you said.

“I will settle for you calling me if you think you’re in trouble,” he said. You nodded and he rested his head on your shoulder. “Even drugged up you still did that.”

“Well, the drugs didn’t kick in really until that night. Having allergies sucks,” you said. “You get the runny nose and itchy eyes and the crazy stuff. So not fun.”

“Nope,” he said, giving you a hug. “I was totally gonna have sex with mom all night but now I got all these letters to read.”

“Oh God, gross,” you said, shuddering as you stood up. He laughed and lay back on the bed, giggling as you shook yourself off. “I don’t need to hear about your nasty sex life.”

“I have an incredible sex life. Like so much-”

“Goodbye father,” you said as you walked out of the room.

“You don’t even want to know how often if I’m being honest,” he said as you walked quickly to the front door. He cracked up and you groaned. “Night, kiddo.”

“Night, dad. Enjoy your letters.”

You woke up around three in the morning, rolling over in bed and catching a few texts on your phone. You lifted your head and saw they were from your dad, a smile growing across your face.

I read the last letter first. All I gotta say is you never have to worry about me going away, no matter how much you scream and shout. You’re stuck with me forever, kiddo. Not even strong medication can tear that apart. Nothing can. 

Also, for the record, I get to be the sap in this relationship, not you. Box full of cards. Do you know how hard it is to one up that? Do you? Keeping me on my toes kid. I’m sure I’ll come up with something though.

Love you tall munchkin.

“Something wrong?” mumbled TJ. You put your phone down and shook your head.

“Not at all,” you said. You tucked in close to his side, TJ rolling to his own and tucking your head under his chin. He hummed and rubbed your arm, kissing the top of your head. “Love you.”

“Love you too, honey.”

________

A/N: Read the Dads timestamp here!

[moldisgoodforyou]

92 days

source: @obi-kin​

warnings: mentions of sexual content, cursing 

wordcount: 2k

________

“Rafe, if you’re just gonna hang around, make yourself useful and start packing.” Sophie directed. He had been extra clingy in the month before she left (though she didn’t mind one bit), and was currently trying to tug her down onto the bed while she laid out clothes for her trip.

“Or, hear me out, what if you stayed and didn’t go at all?” He leaned over and hooked his fingers in the belt loop of her jeans, pulling her down onto his lap.

She frowned. “It’s only three months, baby -”

“I know, I know.” He quickly cut her off with a kiss, not wanting to make her feel bad. She’d picked up the pet name for him recently, and he suspected it was mainly out of her feeling a little guilt for leaving him, but he didn’t question it for a second. His hands found their familiar resting place on the curve of her hips. “I’m kidding, it’s okay. I know how long you’ve been dreaming of this.”

Sophie brightened a little and gave him a longer kiss, running her fingers through his hair before she climbed off his lap. “I’ll facetime you at least once a week, and I’ll call as much as I can. Okay?”

“Just once a week?” He scowled, flopping back into the bed when she moved off him. “That doesn’t sound like nearly enough talking.”

“Probably more, but I don’t know how busy I’ll be. I don’t want to make any promises I can’t keep.” She kept carefully folding her shirts, her tongue poking out a little in concentration as she tried to get the perfect space-saving fold she’d seen in one of many packing YouTube videos she’d watched.

He smiled, just watching her for a moment. “What if you facetime me when you’re getting lunch? If you’re alone?”

She cocked her head. “You want to just sit there and watch me eat?”

“Well...yeah. I like just being around you.” He gestured to her suitcases and her current task at hand. “S’not like every conversation has to be riveting.”

Sophie smirked, teasing. “Aw, Rafe, you’re gonna miss me.”

He scowled again and stood, sliding both his arms securely around her from behind. “Course I’m gonna miss you. That’s...I don’t know how many days without you.”

She leaned back into him and rested her head against his shoulder, closing her eyes for a moment. “92. Until you visit.”

“Christ.” He mumbled into her hair, not having realized how long it truly was. He tried not to let himself think about it and to just enjoy their time while they were still physically together instead. “I’m visiting for two whole weeks, then I’m bringing you home with me.” He grinned and pressed a kiss to her temple. “And I was thinking...what if we didn’t stay in Barcelona the whole time?”

She turned in his arms, looking up at him curiously. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. If you’re down. I know you’re doing a few trips while you’re there, but. Maybe I could plan it for us?”

She furrowed her brow a little. “Like a surprise?”

“No, I know you hate those.” He grinned knowingly as she gave him a sheepish smile. “We could pick the places together though, and I can figure out all the logistics and stuff.” Before she could open her mouth again, he sensed her hesitation and quickly added, “And I want to take care of it. All of it.”

“Rafe -” She started to protest, thinking of his typical standard for vacations he’d been on with his family.

“Please? We can stay in cool student hostels and take train rides and everything, I won’t make it fancy. Promise.” He gave her a forehead kiss in hopes of convincing her, knowing that usually broke her down.

“Hm...” She glanced up, seeming to calculate the days in her head. “At least give me three days to show you around in Barcelona, and we have a deal. But I get to pick the hostels.”

He grinned, giving her a big kiss. “You got it.”

She smiled back against his lips, leaning more into him as he slid his hands under the hem of her shirt and up her sides, distracted for a moment. After a couple minutes of slow, lazy kissing, she pulled away when he teasingly bit her lower lip. “Wait, no, I have to pack -”

“No, Soph -” He groaned, trying to kiss her again. She dodged it and his lips brushed against her ear instead, then she pushed him back a little with one hand on his chest. “Let me finish this suitcase and then we can do whatever you want.”

“Whatever?” He raised his eyebrows, slowly smirking.

“Um...sure. I just need to finish folding these tops, then throw in socks and underwear. Put yourself to use and grab mine?” She gave him a quick kiss before slipping out of his loose grip, turning back to the bed to start folding.

He grinned and strolled over to her dresser behind her back, pulling out multiple lacy pairs that were hardly considered functional, until he found a sheer black bra with lace trim and little flowers embroidered on it shoved in the very back of the drawer. “Sophie Flint!”

She whipped around to see it dangling from his finger and stalked over, grabbing it away. “I didn’t say root around in the drawers!”

“You told me to pack! Why have you never worn that before?!”

She hid it behind her back, cheeks growing red. “It was supposed to be a surprise!”

“I mean, shit, consider me surprised.” A slow smirk spread across his face and he turned back to the drawer. “Is it a matching set?”

She jumped in front of the drawer, shaking her head quickly. “Stop, I don’t want you to see the rest.”

“There’s more?!”

“You’re ruining the surprise!” She laughed, trying to nudge him back with just her foot. “And the underwear you picked out is horrible, am I supposed to work out in a lacy thong? I rarely ever wear these.”

“I see absolutely no issue with that.” He grinned, trying to reach around her to grab the bra again. “I want to see that on you.”

“No, Rafe, not yet -”

“You leave in three days. How many more do you have?”

“Well maybe they weren’t all for you to see before I left.”

He frowned, tilting his head. “I don’t get it.”

“Think, Cameron.” She successfully nudged him away and stashed the bra back in her drawer, along with the underwear he picked out.

He stood there, extra confused. “It’s not for someone else.”

“Right.”

“But I can’t see it before you leave.”

“Correct.”

She swore she could see the wheels turning in his head. “Oh? Do you mean - ?”

She grinned, confirming his suspicions. “Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. You’ll have to wait and see.”

His eyes lit up and he grabbed her around the waist abruptly, lifting her off the ground. “Tell me!”

Sophie giggled, squirming in his arms. “I’m not gonna tell you! Let me go!”

He laughed and tossed her onto the bed unceremoniously, then leaned over her, skating his fingers up her sides. She pushed on his chest gently, shaking her head with a smile. “Rafe, c’mon.”

He crawled over her and kissed her, long and slow. When he finally pulled away to take a breath, his fingers tangled in her hair, he sighed. “God, I’m gonna miss the hell out of you.”

She frowned and cupped his cheek, keeping him close. “Stop, I don’t want to think about it just yet. Don’t get sad on me.”

Rafe rolled over to lay next to her, head propped up on his elbow. “Promise me you won’t leave me for some handsome Spaniard?”

“I would never, don’t even joke about it.” She scowled and he instinctively reached out, smoothing his thumb over the bridge of her nose. She immediately broke into a grin. “Eres mía, pase lo que pase.”

“Hey, don’t forget your boyfriend is stupid and only knows English.” He teased, leaning over to kiss her again.

“You’re not stupid, I don’t like when you say that.” She frowned and kissed him harder, as if it was reassurance. “I said you’re mine, no matter what.”

“I like the sound of that.” He nudged his nose against hers, just wanting to be impossibly close. “We’re gonna be okay, right?”

“Yeah. We’ll be just fine.” Sophie reached out and pulled him closer, wrapping her arm around his waist. “Wish I could take you with me.”

“That’d be a hell of a lot more fun than my dad’s office.” His face fell just thinking about it. “It’s gonna be so boring.”

“Didn’t you apply to that internship?” She questioned, cocking her head. “So you could stay here with Colin?”

“Yeah, I haven’t heard back yet though. And it wouldn’t start ‘til the middle of June, so I would have to be at home for a while anyways.”

“I’m sure you’ll get it. You’re smart, you know that. Don’t get in your head like you do.” Sophie started kissing along his jawline, down his neck.

He let his eyes fall shut and his head drop back, practically melting under her touch. “Hey. Angel.”

“Hm?” She hummed against his skin, pushing the hem up his shirt up his chest. Rafe threaded his fingers through her hair, letting out a satisfied noise when she started working at his belt. “Aren’t you - don’t you -”

She glanced up, amused by how easy she could distract him. “Use your words, handsome.” She nipped along his hipbone, soothing over the spots with her tongue right after.

“Your packing...” He mumbled.

“Oh!” She rolled off him immediately and he groaned when her hand brushed over his length, then reached out for her. “Wait, no, Soph, don’t leave me hanging -”

“Give me ten minutes and I can finish this suitcase.” She promised, her other task at hand instantly forgotten as she started folding more clothes.

“Sophieee.” He whined, drawing out the vowels. “Three minutes.”

“Eight.”

“Five.”

“Seven. Or help me, and it can be five.”

“You already yelled at me for folding something the wrong way earlier,” he pointed out with a grumble.

“Okay, so seven.” She shot him a grin and he shook his head, sighing. “You’re the biggest tease I’ve ever met.”

“I’m not teasing! I told you I had to pack even if you came over!” She replied, indignant. “It’s not my fault, I get distracted when it comes to you.”

“Yeah?” He propped himself up on his elbows, grinning.

“Yeah. You’re pretty.”

He blushed and immediately went to rub the back of his neck, flustered. “Pretty? You mean handsome.”

“No, I mean pretty.” She laughed and leaned over, running her finger along the contours of his face. “I like your cheekbones, and your strong jaw, and the way your hair flops into your eyes when it gets a little too long.”

“Soph.” He scowled, poking his tongue out to lick her finger when she ran it over her lips. She laughed, wiping it on his cheek. “Gross. I like your lips - and what they can do to me -”

“Dirty girl.” He grinned and she shoved at his chest. “Shut up, I’m not done. I like when you don’t shave for a few days and you get this shadow, it makes you look a little older and it’s really hot.” She paused, skating her knuckle along his jawline. “But don’t take that as an invitation to grow a beard.”

“I’m gonna try when you’re gone. Just for kicks.” He teased.

She rolled her eyes and pulled away to finish packing, tucking the last shirt into her carefully placed sections then zipped it shut easily. “There, done. I’m all yours.”

He grinned and tugged her back down on top of him immediately, hands going straight to her waist. “That’s what I like to hear.”

taglist: @whoeveniskendall @kkmaybank @karsinner @outerbanksbro @outerbankspreferences @randomficsandshit @sunshineitsfine44 @jailcalledlife @tovvaa @moniamaybank @illbesafeforyou @dontjinx-it @freddymaybank @jjmaybankzz @g4bster @oopsiedoopsie23

[tsarisfanfiction]

The Listener

Fandom: Thunderbirds Rating: Teen Genre: Angst Characters: John

So this is a response to @flashfictionfridayofficial and their weekly prompt “never forgotten”.  This clocks in at 687 words, according to MSWord.

This isn’t a new idea by any means, but it’s one I personally haven’t poked at before so I thought I’d give it ago.  Would you believe I was in the mood to write fluff before I saw this prompt and all thoughts of fluff went screaming out the window?

Warnings for mentions of deaths (no canon characters).

Head in hands.  Eyes staring out at infinity.

It’s not unusual. This happens, sometimes.  It’s been a bad day.  No, not a bad day.  It’s been a terrible day.  The sort of day where he finds himself counting.  One.  Two. Three.  Four.  Five.

Five of them.  Five life signs.  Five heartbeats.  Four brothers and one sister, still alive.  He still has his family.

He still has his family.

They don’t.  They’re nameless.  Faceless.  Abstract concepts he might never see.  Never hear. Never meet.  But they don’t have their family.  Their friends.  Loved ones, soulmates, all the pieces of their world.

John holds those loved ones, fingers fisted in ragged hair, palms pressing into his cheeks fierce enough to hurt.  They’re not his loved ones.  His are all still alive, if not safe and well.  None of them are safe and well after today.

(One might argue they’re never safe and well.)

The ones he holds tight, even though they’re long slipped away beyond his reach, are those loved ones.  The loved ones of those nameless, faceless people he doesn’t know.

They’re the ones he couldn’t save.  The ones that imparted final words in his ears, voices straining and broken.  Some of them cried.  Some of them were numb, in shock to the last.  Some of them tried to deny it, holding strong even as realisation washed over them.

Death is a personal thing, people say.  Everyone reacts differently, sees it differently.

Everyone has one last thing to say.  Confessions. Stories.  Messages to pass on.  People don’t just see death coming and let it come without one last quip. One last way to be remembered.

It’s John that hears them. John, who’s entrusted with things that should never have been meant for his ears, because there’s no-one else to take them.  John, who has to find the right response for each person.  Reassurances, for some.  Respectful silence, for others.  Agreement. He only has one chance to get it right, and the responsibility is a heavy, heavy weight.

Holding someone’s life is one thing.  Holding their death is something completely different.

He knows last rites for thirty different religions, in all the languages they’re used.  It’s not his place; he’s no man of spiritual enlightenment, no-one with the right to say these things.  But sometimes – often – he’s asked to do them anyway.  Because a disembodied voice from the sky is better than no rites at all.

If it’s the only way left to save them, save their minds, souls, whatever they believe in if not their bodies, then John will do it, because saving people is John’s job and sometimes it’s about saving their peace when it’s too late for anything else.

Sometimes his siblings get there in time.  Sometimes last words aren’t last words at all, and they’re free to keep on living, keep on talking and moving forwards because it’s not their time yet.

Sometimes they don’t. Days like today, where tragedy mounted higher and higher and John’s voice is hoarse from saying the right thing at the right time.

John can talk for hours. Talking doesn’t wear his voice thin easily, normally.  He can’t let it – what good is the Voice Who Answers if he can’t answer?  But these… these are different.  Harsher.  Rawer.

He remembers them all. Every single one.  Today was little Toby, not yet three years old and scared.  Monty, fifteen and resigned.  Old Ted, who’d lived a long and fulfilling life and promised he was ready to go.  Colin, nineteen and full of dreams for the future.

So he sits, staring at the infinity of space and knowing that one day that void will come to swallow him up just the same, and carefully files them – names, last words, how and when – away in his memories just like all the others that had gone before.

The world moves on without them, but there are people missing their loved ones and John can’t forget that.  Wouldn’t, even if he could.  Someone has to remember them, someone has to remember all the lives lost, and John’s the one that makes sure they’re never forgotten.

[shyestofhearts]

Self control? Out the window

Have College Students AU (no capes)

(I haven't figured out any of their majors yet that'll come later)

Damian first learns of Jon's existence when he's in the library late one night studying and sees the dude passed out in a chair slumped over some work

He leaves him be and goes to grab the books he needed and get to studying

Their first real interaction comes when Jon wakes up and looks around bleary-eyed, glasses laying on the table forgotten for the moment

His eyes land on Damian's blurry figure and he blurts out "what time is it?"

He shoots out of his seat when Damian responds that it's roughly 11pm, grabbing his glasses and disappearing out the front doors of the library

Damian thinks he's weird and goes back to studying, quickly putting the encounter to the back of his mind

(Though he did find Jon's messy hair to be a little cute)

He mentions the strange encounter later in the week when he's talking to Maya, who is intrigued that someone caught Damian's attention enough for him to not only remember it but bring it up to her

She files this information away for later

A girl in one of Damian's classes in the meantime has gotten close to him. Her name is Mia but everyone calls her Maps, he introduces her to Maya

The three are fast friends

Colin transfers in from another school and Damian recognizes him as an old friend from childhood he'd lost touch with

He joins the friend group as well

Maya tells Maps and Colin about this boy that caught Damian's attention once

Damian rolls his eyes because it was a bit amusing is all

The rest of the squad all meet Jon when he accidentally walks right into Damian and the two collide

[mskatesharma]

she only smiles, i laugh

Anthony is in his study, sitting at his desk reading over invoices that have been marked for his attention, his eyes struggling to take in the numbers he is supposed to be adding. He wonders for a moment why his mind seems stuck on the numbers, unable to properly take them in, before he shakes his head and tries to move on. It’s only once he has finally finished reviewing the particular details of this one invoice that he realises his lack of concentration is due to him feeling restless. 

He closes his eyes for a moment, hoping it will focus him, when his mind, quite without his permission, wanders back to two days ago. He had been keeping Kate company while she lay in bed, her injured leg propped up on a small mound of cushions. It had been the most pleasant interlude, his head resting in his wife’s lap, her fingers idly stroking through his hair while she read from a novel Edwina had left that morning.

ao3 link or under the cut

He can’t recall the title of the book, but he remembers how he had closed his eyes, relaxing further and further into a state of glorious idleness with every press of his wife’s fingers against his scalp; her voice dulcet and hypnotising as she curled her tongue around the words in front of her. Something unfamiliar, yet wholly marvelous had sparked in his spine, tingling up until it had burst and he had felt it throughout his body, each stroke of Kate’s fingers further etching the feeling to his body. 

There had been one passage in particular, Kate’s fingers had migrated to his earlobe, massaging the soft flesh, that had made Anthony snap open his eyes and ask his wife to repeat the last sentence. She had looked down at him, brows raised quizzically, and she had smiled at his quiet “please” as he had taken the hand that had been preoccupied with his ear and pressed a kiss to her fingers. 

“I am the happiest creature in the world. Perhaps other people have said so before, but not one with such justice. I am happier even than Jane; she only smiles, I laugh.” As Kate’s voice had washed over him, he had been immediately struck by the truth of the words, and how they very much applied to him and his life. 

“You look a little dazed my dear, is there something I can help you with?” His wife had worn a teasing glint as her voice whispered through his thoughts, and before Anthony could reply, she continued. “Has Miss Austen’s writing affected you in a peculiar manner?”

His stifled smile had felt petulant as he muttered “no” under his breath, unable to maintain a frown when Kate had snorted, as though she was quite right in not believing what he was saying. Which she was, of course, but Anthony didn’t have to tell her that.

“Are you sure? I can read the passage for a third time if it would help your current confusion?” Her smile had been wide, as her voice had taken an officious tone. “One must share with their wife, especially when unable to decipher a deeply felt emotion. I can help you find the words to best describe the feeling that has you smiling so wonderfully.” 

“I have no doubt that you could help, dearest Kate, but I have no need for a dictionary at this moment. Unless you require use of one?”

“I have an inkling of why exactly you have been affected so. If you like, I would be happy to enlighten you on…” Her voice trailed off as Anthony had flipped himself onto his stomach, and he was certain that he must have done a poor job hiding the devilish glint in his eyes. “What are you doing?” His hands had begun to gently bunch her dress up her legs, careful of her leg, his mouth ghosting kisses where the material had sat a moment ago.

“What do you think I am doing?”

“I think my hus-..husband is trying to distract me.”

A muffled “don’t know what you’re talking abou-” was all Anthony could say. He heard a soft thud on the bed as Kate had dropped the book. A gentle bite to the soft flesh of her thigh, and he allows himself to smirk against her skin as a hand tangles itself in his hair. 

“I will remember..you haven’t...you haven’t won... ”

Anthony’s “of course not” are the last words spoken for quite some time. 

But as he sits at his desk, two days later, he remembers again why he had been struck by that sentence, why it had seemingly affected him so much. He merely needs to think of Kate for the same wonderfully strange feeling to burst in his body. But as he thinks on it some more, there is still something he cannot not quite place…

He can’t help but smile as he remembers how pleasant the rest of that afternoon had turned out to be. He had quite forgotten about his temporary foolishness; the uncharacteristic shyness he had felt in the moment, feeling so overcome, so reticent in fact he had hesitated and had been unable to share with Kate. Distraction once again proving the only way to quiet her enquiries. At least for the afternoon.

But as he looks around his study, his gaze settles on something just right of the window, and he thinks that maybe now that he knows why he was hesitant, his mind will not rest until he recalls a particular word. 

He stands and makes his way to the small pile of books by the window, leftover from earlier in the week, when Hyacinth had called in with his mother and demanded his assistance in compiling a list of uncommon and unusual words. He picks up a notebook she had left behind, and flicks through until he lands on the page he is looking for; a list of words Colin has collected so far on his travels. 

His eyes scan until he finds the word he is looking for. There is a slight clench of his heart as he recalls Hyacinth recollecting what Colin had told her, and how he came to know the word. The roll of his eyes is involuntary as the grin spreads across his face. But of course.

~~

He walks into the drawing room, having just bid goodbye to Eloise and Edwina, and sees Kate leisurely leafing through the same book as their pleasant interlude from two days earlier. 

She sits with her legs atop the settee, a cushion under her healing one. Her face lights up at him, and Anthony is positive his face reciprocates in kind; he knows his heart certainly does. He will never tire of her smile; where he may have once resented the feelings it inspired in him, now it is all he can do to revel in it.

He makes his way to Kate’s side, and sits impossibly close to her, his head resting on her shoulder. He spies Newton, his purred snores drifting up from beneath the table. His eyes move to the pages in his wife’s hands, following the words on the page. 

He feels Kate’s head rest on his, and realises the restlessness he had been experiencing a moment ago in his study has disappeared. He will never cease to be in awe at how simply his wife’s presence is the most soothing balm. Anthony feels himself sigh when Kate speaks. 

“Tell me my Lord Bridgerton, do you now feel comfortable telling me what had you so enthralled when I read to you the other day? My current disposition finds me most generous, and I may grant you a boon if you choose to share with me.” He lifts his head, which forces Kate to do the same, and he shifts his body to face her. 

“Hm, that is a most tempting prospect, but I do find myself hesitating to accept.”

She scoffs. “I find that hard to believe.” Before she can question him further, Anthony stands, and as gently as he can, lifts Kate’s legs before he sits on the sofa, and carefully places her legs over his thighs. 

“Is that so? Would it pacify you to know that you inspired the feeling that caused me to be overcome by a sudden bashfulness?” He shuffles closer still, until Kate is sitting on his lap, her legs stretched out on the rest of the settee.

“That, my lord, appeared most obvious.” 

“Really?” His hand begins to make its way under her dress, his fingers tracing circles on her skin.

“Hmm, yes.”

“Should I tell you, then, the thought caused my shyness the other day?”

“As my husband, it is your duty to share with me the emotional burdens you face.”

“And what will you grant me in return?”

“Well, what would you like to be granted?”

“For what I have to say? A kiss would be an appropriate boon.”

“I think that could be arranged.”

He leans his face closer to hers, his lips brushing against hers as he murmurs “my most sincere thanks.” Just as he opens his mouth to deepen the kiss, Kate pulls back.

“For shame my lord; I will grant you your boon only after you tell me what was on your mind.”

Anthony clears his throat. “My apologies, but you inspire the most forceful distraction in me.” Kate simply rolls her eyes in response, but the beaming smile that breaks over her face tells Anthony all that he needs to know. “Tell me, dear wife, do you know of the word ataraxia?”

Anthony nuzzles his wife’s neck, pressing light kisses against the skin, breathing in the ever present soap and lillies. “Hmm, not that I can immediately recall.”

“Would you be interested to know that it is a Greek word.” His mouth finds her earlobe.

“Oh, how fascinating.”

“Indeed. Would you like to know it’s definition?” He tugs her lobe between his teeth, pulling softly.

“Well you have certainly piqued my intrigue.”

Anthony pulls back slightly. “According to Colin, it means a state of serene and blissful calmness.”

“How interesting.”

“I think so.” His other hand finds its way to her hair, gently tugging some of it free from her simple coiffure. 

“And what, praytell, does this have to do with your sudden bashfulness?”

“Do you really not know?” He wraps the strands around his fingers. 

“I find myself needing you to tell me explicitly.” He smiles against her neck.

“Well, let me make myself clear. You, my dearest Kate, and being with you, inspire a state of serene and blissful calmness that I never thought possible.” He pulls back slightly, wanting to see her face, and he’s unsurprised by the warmth infused in her face, or the tears pooling in her eyes.

“Oh.” Her voice catches on the word, and something blooms ever brighter in Anthony’s chest. “You’re the same for me, you know.” The words are quiet, but they light something quite fierce within him. 

He lowers his voice. “Do you give me permission to claim my promised boon now?”

“If you have need of that question, maybe I should reconsid-'' He doesn’t let her finish as his lips descend on hers, and Anthony feels her smile against him.

And really, he knows it’s a game of push and pull that they play, and that she is the only opponent he ever wishes to face in such a fight. He knows that they both win when their respective battles end with one of his hands tangled in his wife’s hair and the other up the skirt of her dress. 

And while he’s also certain of the fact that he will never experience another bliss quite like this one, he knows it is more than he ever could have hoped for. 

ataraxia (greek, noun.): the state of serene and blissful calmness