#I have totally normal coping mechanisms guys

[ladyartichokie]

Scratching bug-bites until they bleed is therapy, actually

[emptylotfiasco]

i will not buy infinite wealth because I bought gaiden and still haven't finished it and I'd feel bad about making another Big Game Purchase. I will be purchasing a gun to kill myself with though

[interstellar-productions]

Thinking so many thoughts honestly, about Aaron currently (spiritually not situationally I relate to him, it’s complicated). Aaron so specifically speaks to me because of how (at least with the crumbs we’re fed by canon) he internalizes and deals with his trauma. He WANTS to be normal. In fact he tries so hard to be normal (as society interprets normality) that he actively distances himself and represses any part of him that may lead people to viewing him as anything other then normal.

In my mind this was probably done intentionally, it creates a contrast between him and Andrew (and is probably why Neil is able to tell the twins apart pretty much from the get go). Andrew doesn’t speak about his trauma but he also doesn’t necessarily minimize it. Andrew makes himself big, body language wise he’s very loud. “Look at me, at what they did to me. Look at who I became”. Andrew is a warning sign, he lets his bleeding wounds show and mixes them with ragged bone and snarling teeth. Andrew is telling people without telling people what will happen if someone crosses him.

In contrast Aaron hides, his pain and his scares. Aaron turns everything inwards, shoving it all into closets and under beds. If he blends in then maybe no one will notice him enough to pick him out. Hiding in plane sight. Aaron works so hard to be normal and is canonically known as the least interesting and most normal fox, despite having a murder charge and being a recovered addict. He is the normal fox. People overlook him, glance right over him, his teammates, peers, everyone. Perfect grades, good at his sports, girl next door girlfriend. Aaron is so painfully NORMAL.

It speaks so deeply because it’s so obvious to me that its a coping mechanism and not actually because that’s how he really is. If he was just painfully normal we wouldn’t get some of his more violent or assholeish out burst and he probably wouldn’t have that grudge against Bee. His grudge against Bee is actually what sparked this whole thing for me. He hates Bee, he says that he’s never actually spoken a word to her and even when he starts sessions with Andrew he’s really just speaking to Andrew while Bee is in the room rather then directly speaking to Bee. My little psych major mind (mixed with my personal feelings but HUSH) is just screaming that this whole “I’m normal look right through me please I’m normal”. It’s how he COPES. This guy grew up at least a little bit inside a church (because Luther) and had to hide both bruises and addiction and whatever else was going on inside that house. Statistically speaking there’s two major ways you internalize trauma like that. And I love Aaron and Andrew because their those two ways basically. Aaron is trying so hard to be so Normal that he becomes basically invisible. Blending into the background.

He probably has everyone convinced that he’s got it all in the bag, all his shit? It’s in a sock, don’t even worry about it. He’s got the grades, the girlfriend and he plays a sport. Bro is literally sitting pretty to be so uninteresting that he gets nothing but a cursory glance, and it’s totally part of his scheme. No one’s going to think to ask questions he doesn’t want them too. Not about his past and not about what’s going on in his life. “Oh that’s Aaron yeah I’ve got advanced chem with him, yeah good guy. I think he plays exy.” Aaron doesn’t want people to ask questions, because he knows he’s towing the line. Does he have it all together? Or is he desperately trying to keep all his shit in the boxes he’s stuffed it in? Who knows. Aaron probably doesn’t even know.

Aaron gives me “fake it til you make it” vibes that it actually hurts my soul. This man wants to be normal so bad that he’s doing everything he can to not have to address what’s actually wrong, because acknowledging something’s wrong means acknowledging that he is in fact NOT normal. And he wants to be normal because being normal is how you survive. (How he got Tilda to not beat him for dragging the wrong sort of attention to her)

My psych major mind is absolutely consumed by AFTG because to me they represent all the different ways that trauma can manifest in people. Basically all of the foxes (even and Renee Wymack) are the violent kind. Their teeth and warning signs, don’t get too close, don’t step on my toes. But they all show it so differently. Renee for example is the healed sort of violent, she’s faced the majority of her demons and won, she knows she’ll be able to handle you if you step out of line (see her ruining the nest). Nicky is the loud kind. He’s not the break bone sort of violent but he is the make you uncomfortable kind. So much of Nicky’s early character (Foxhole court) is him giving off borderline predatory vibes. His jokes, his mannerisms, the whole Edens trip. It’s his version of violent. He makes you uncomfortable so he knows whose safe and who isn’t.

Then you have aaron and his whole character is a ticking time bomb. Aaron isn’t normal because he’s healed, he’s normal because its the only way he knows to survive. That’s why he doesn’t like Bee. Bee is a psychologist, her whole job is to know their problems and fix them and the fact he even has to go sit in a room with her is a threat to his overall performance of normality. Because normal people don’t NEED therapy.

Screams into the void, I’m so normal about him.

Also all of this is just my personal little ramblings about a purely fictional character that reminds me of myself as it relates to the topic of interest I’m currently studying. If you don’t agree with me that’s totally fine, if you have different preconceptions about him thats totally ok too. This is just my little brain rot corner of the internet and I’m just trying to have fun.

To the 3 people that wanted to see my deranged psych rambles i hope this reaches you, this is all for you!

[bunkerjking]

The emotional breakdown later in the chapter will get most of the attention, but for my money, this is the most revealing moment in this week's chapter. A teenager so disconnected from his real emotions that he desperately rationalizes his hypersexuality not as a coping mechanism, but as 'this is what guys are like.'

It's easy to make fun of men for burying their emotions and then asking, 'why doesn't anyone know who I really am' - hell, Denji literally does that during the Bomb Girl arc - but Denji is a pretty direct criticism of both the way boys can get forced into unhealthy gender roles, and the way men self-regulate themselves and others into them.

The other boys Denji is with don't have the problem of being horny at inappropriate times. They have WAY bigger problems.

But Denji can't think properly when someone dangles the idea of sex in front of him. It's like a switch flips and he becomes a completely different person.

He shuts down and reverts to trying to embody masculine stereotypes he's been ingrained with, both through the social conditioning of growing up male in the 90s and the psychological conditioning Makima put him through to strengthen 'Chainsaw Man' - itself a hyper-masculine ideal that a human being physically cannot measure up to - and emotionally cripple Denji.

Denji is at his happiest when he's at rest with the people he loves. Power and Aki were not always easy to be around, but they loved him back and they wanted him to be happy. Nayuta is a child who doesn't understand her place in the world - how could she - but she earnestly wants to help her big brother as best as she can.

He isn't some cock-swinging alpha badass constantly on the prowl to crush puss, but for a lot of people - especially a teenager who was groomed to be an expendable child soldier - this unhealthy masculine 'ideal' isn't just something to live up to, it's the expected norm for men to be.

Being Chainsaw Man doesn't make Denji mentally stronger. As shown in the Falling Devil fight, he literally chops up his brain with his chainsaws to avoid confronting his trauma. Whenever he has to think about what he's lost and what's still left to lose, he runs toward something he isn't and away from a 'normal,' healthy response to the issues at hand.

"You stupid boy."

You'll notice that Katana Man, a perfect embodiment of an overly masculine dickhead, a misogynistic moron who refuses to grow in character or even basic combat skills, is totally on board for throwing Denji in a brothel and letting what happens happens. Katana Man perfectly represents the bad ending where 'traditional masculinity' wins the war for Denji's soul.

Denji needs help. Not some quick gratification. Not a meal and a nut and a nap. He needs genuine help, and a better male role model than the ones he's got. Even Kishibe, the only adult in his life other than Aki who actually did more good than harm, is an alcoholic recluse.

God help the boy.

[bugsinshoes]

ok so i just watched @fordtato and @hkthatgffan 's respective videos about their interview with THE alex hirsch and i wanna just say OH MY GOD like SERIOUSLY

im gonna put my thoughts under the cut so theres no spoilers if you havent seen it already (BUT GO WATCH THEM NOW PLEASE !!!) + its gonna be LONG so BEAR WITH ME

ok, so i have MANY thoughts so sorry if none of this is coherent 😭 (this is not in chronological order of when the questions were asked, just me spewing out my totally normal thoughts about this interview so apologies for that)

starting off:

THE BABY IS SHERMIE?!?!?!? IM SO SO GLAD WE FINALLY HAVE CONFIRMATION WE CAN FINALLY LEAVE THIS TO REST !! I WAS RIGHT THOUGH SO HA !!! ACTUALLY SCREAMING !! TIMELINE BE DAMNED (also another thanks to hana, your timeline video is genuinely awesome. i never shut up about it. ever. any time i talk to my friends abt gf and i need to refer to the timeline i go: "IN HANA'S VIDEO-") anyways, i do understand it was a last minute decision on the writer's part of "oh. dipper and mabel need a grandfather, its not ford, and its sure as FUCK not gonna be stan sooo... third brother?" and i do understand alex being like, "oh, this is about ford and stan only having eachother" so i think making shermie younger was a GOOD THING? like, stan and ford had 18 years of just them so shermie wasnt in the picture, so stan and ford technically grew up on their own so ig it works? also, when stan got kicked out, he never got to see shermie grow up, probably only saw him at events when he had to pretend to be ford (post-1983) and as for ford himself, he was too busy in college and gravity falls to really visit the family so... it works! (despite everything)

that aside, lets talk about THE CRUMBS??? like i have some quotes here because i have a LOT to say:

"theyre both so damaged and they desperately need each other" - alex hirsch (talking about stan and ford)

LIKE SUIUHUSHUSH i HATE these brothers SO MUCH (LIES) i cant actually properly express my thoughts because WOW like its clear that they both have their own trauma and they NEED to address it but theyre both too STUBBORN to do so. theyve both been alone for 40ish years so of course they need each other. they grew up by the hip, so theres no surprise that they both need each other (whether they like it or not)

"[ford's] grateful for the forgiveness he thinks he doesnt deserve" -alex hirsch

ford thinks so lowly of himself at times it HURTS. like the lines in the journal about "only then would the freak return a hero" or about his guilt with bill and everything its just so important to his character im so glad we got so much ford content in this interview. like i am EATING ALL THIS UP RN

"[ford] has to always have a mission in front of him, because if he doesnt have a mission in front of him, hes thinking how have i treated people in my life?" - alex hirsch

ford distracting himself with things instead of facing his problems. probably something he had to do a lot, especially with his time in the multiverse. but it really hurts because i can imagine in the 60s, they never had any great coping mechanisms? so i can assume ford was just conditioned to distract himself from stuff so he never learned how to deal with things. and i KNOW in the journal hes like "i meditate!" and im sure that does help somewhat, but it doesnt address the issue itself soooo... sorry ford, but you cant just breathe your way out of everything

ALSO alex calling ford and fiddlefords falling out a "BREAKUP" (air quotes used) BUT A BREAKUP??? this is just adding fuel to my fiddauthor-infested brain rn. i CANT

and alex saying mcgucket is thinking like, "oh i gotta be a better partner" is HEART SHATTERING like the whole talk about fiddleford being "the building guy" who is kind of just there to make machines and please ford. its honestly so heartbreaking because fiddleford loves ford so much he'd leave his wife and child to go to absolute nowhere, oregon and the fact ford is too arrogant to see fiddlefords admiration and overall love for him its just IUIUAHHAS

and i do wanna say, i KNOW bill played a big part in this, by stroking fords ego and buttering him up with his kind words because he knew exactly what ford wanted to hear and that really affected how ford and fidds' relationship was like but THATS A TOPIC FOR ANOTHER TIME. all i know is that ford isnt entirely to blame, but he still is a massive arrogant asshole and he wasnt the best person to fidds at times (love him tho <3)

but im actually so happy because this interview sheds SO much light onto FORD bcs we BARELY got to know him, and hearing it from MR HIRSCH HIMSELF is just so good because we KNOW its a reliable source because its coming from ALEX YK??? like he wrote ford so he probably knows "oh yeah, that man is guilt-ridden as FUCK" and im so glad we get some crumbs of this guy i cant get enough of him !!! (impatiently waiting for the book of bill)

ANNNDD THE TALK ABOUT MAYBE GETTING A SEA GRUNKS SPINOFF/MINISERIES??? I WOULD EXPLODE GENUINELY ANYTHING WITH MY FAVOURITE OLD MEN PLEASE !! i would genuinely love to see more of their dynamic and how everything is after weirdmaggeddon and like dealing with trauma and UGHHH i would kill for stan/ford content PLEASE

also...

hippie ford.

hippie. ford.

i am never getting over this (im internally SCREECHING)

ANYWAYS THAT WAS MY RANT ABT MY FAV THINGS FROM THE INTERVIEW THAT WAS A LOT GODDAMN

im genuinely so happy with all the questions that got answered, as well as getting some deeper insight into characters and stuff. IM NEVER GETTING OVER THE AMOUNT OF FIDDAUTHOR CRUMBS YOU GUYS

im gonna end this by saying another MASSIVE thank you to hana and hk !! you both put so much effort into your respective videos and it was super super cool !! this was totally worth the wait !!! :D

[wombywoo]

Thank you for all your answers! I can't explain how excited I am about this story of yours. I want to gnaw on your brain. 😅 Hope that doesn't sound too weird.

Marc is one fucked up guy. They need to arrest him because that's so damn bad. Seriously, how did Quinn get away from him? Why do I get the feeling that Quinn didn't fully get away from him?? Is he going to make a surprise villain appearance? D=

I think Danny and Vincent should team up and stab Marc. <3

Please tell me Quinn doesn't pull the same choking RACK stuff with Vincent. I can't imagine Vincent would be happy with Quinn pushing himself like that, even if he's feeling low.

I know a psych eval would bench Quinn forever, and that wouldn't be good for him, but boy does that boy need some better coping mechanisms. A couple of therapists. A lot of hugs. Just, all the love.

I'm glad Vincent cares about Quinn so much, but I'm also excited for the potential drama as he tries to get Quinn realise he cares about him. It sounds like Quinn is going to make it as difficult as possible for Vincent before melting into his arms.

I'd love to know more about Vincent's complicated feelings, especially about the evil vampires, and Quinn's visions. I just love hearing all your speculations and lore domes, no matter how drama or trauma filled they may be. <3

Please by all means continue munching my brain, it's very motivating !!!!

Marc is the worst for sure. And his ass needs to be incarcerated stat, but unfortunately he's rich and powerful, sooooo... dot dot dot Quinn had 'broken up' with him a few times, but there was always a something pulling him back, so maybe he's still feeling that tether.... (don't worry, Marc will have his comeuppance eventually, I am just building sweet sweet tension)

I would not be opposed to Vince and Danny giving him a stab or two 🤔..

(And he will make an appearance btw; his company is funding the task force, hehehe.....)

As for Quinn and his, uhh. not great habits in the bedroom, that's also something that may come up as a point of drama. I can see him trying to push Vincent into being rough with him, even taking it too far when he's feeling particularly..not great. Predictably, Vincent will not be a fan of this, hence the ✨drama✨ I do think they can eventually develop some healthier bdsm-type stuff for Quinn, but for now--he's not got the best history with sexual risk-taking, and he's probably going to steer towards something that's not very safe or sane 😬

asdfgh honestly at this point, I'm not even sure if there's therapy strong enough to help him 😭 Which is why it's crucial that he has Vincent now, and more importantly--FIG, who is perhaps the best thing he has for feeling good and happy in his life 🥺🙏 hugs are also appreciated

There will definitely be a lot of future drama, in fact, I keep chewing over potential scenes and rubbing my hands together like a totally normal not-insane villain...

Vincent is *very* concerned about Quinn's visions, moreso than Quinn himself. He's got sooo many questions and very little answers. And his ties to certain evil vampires in the past might start becoming relevant again, so that's always fun to revisit....

I have a loooot more stuff I've been contemplating, so I will share accordingly, or perhaps get off my ass and actually write this damn thing 😤 Please standby <3

[grilledcheese-savage]

I just watched Jurassic world chaos theory and here’s a list of all my thoughts

Spoilers ahead

-

-

-

- LIMB DIFFERENCE BROOKLYN??? SHE LOOKS SO BADASS. I LOVE ALL HER NEW HAIRSTYLES. They’re so much better than the old ones (not that I didn’t like her old hair, I liked it when her roots grew in but I HATED the weird timeskip haircut at the end of cc)

- secondly, kenji getting a taste of his own medicine cause he now gets to know what it felt like to think you were betrayed by your closest friend.

- but yeah, rip kenji. That guy has been through enough. Like, if you put all his trauma in order it’s depressing. Dad abused him, manipulated him, left him on a Dino island and tried to kill all his friends. THEN he tried to make a new shady business and guilt kenji instead of just, giving him info about Brooklyn

- also Darius having a crush on Brooklyn I jokingly guessed AND WAS RIGHT

- New villain is really cool. The way she controls raptors is soooo interesting. I haven’t gotten to see any of the new Jurassic movies (I only saw Jurassic world) so idk if she’s in that one

- I really liked Mateo but I was getting flashbacks from season 2 (or was it three?) and totally thought he was gonna die. He talked too much about his daughter I totally thought he would’ve died and Darius break the news to her.

- DO THE COPS THINK THE NUBLAR SIX ARE DEAD AGAIN??? BECAUSE THEY ACCIDENTALLY (and purposely for some) FAKED THEIR OWN DEATHS WITH THE CAR AND NOT ANSWERING BRAND SHIt

- also Darius was scaring me at the beginning, he seemed really depressed. I had seen 5 seconds of spoilers by accident of him in a bathtub and kenji walking in AND I WAS CONVINCED IT WAS SOME DARK TWIST AND THE SHOW WOULD END WITH HIM killing himself! I know it’s a kids show! But I watched legend of korra… so. There.

- Also at first I was uncomfortable with the way Yaz was being characterized as traumatized the most, but I ended up loving because it felt like a Purposeful Mis characterization only for it to be turned on it’s head. Let me explain, at the beginning us as viewers are told that Yaz has been really fucked up by all the monster attacks, and had to go to therapy in Wyoming. So we as viewers get worried that she’s going to relapse her ptsd after learning they’re being hunted. But while yes, she has normal reactions to Dino’s (fear) we learn therapy actually WORKED and she wasn’t SHELTERED. She ACTUALLY LEARNED COPING SKILLS and ended up being the most well adjusted among them. It was written so well. Because now we see Sammy who we thought was doing well, have horrible coping skills and fall into an anxious attachment style because her parents don’t talk to her anymore, her girlfriend is ignoring her (avoidant attachment kinda) and all of her friends are going through their own shit on their own and don’t talk to her. She’s having panic attacks and struggling, and Yaz got to be able to pay her back for all the compassion by showing her how she handles all the fear and sadness. I FUCKING LOVED THAT. THAT WAS SO GOOD. AND I ONLY REALIZE HOW GOOD IT WAS THE MORE I SIT IN IT. I spread out my watching because if I binged I wouldn’t have enjoyed it as much.

- I also loved that they all represented different outcomes of trauma, and different coping mechanisms. Darius with the survivors guilt (again), Sammy with keeping herself busy so she doesn’t have to think about it, Ben becoming even more hyper vigillant/conspiracy theorist. Etc.

-Sammy was season mvp. She was the best character by far for me.

-She definitely needed to give Yaz her space tho, but I also hated how Yaz just assumed Sammy thought she couldn’t handle herself only because Sammy hadn’t seen her since her breakdown after the Dinos got loose. I loved watching it tho, the argument was so needed.

- I didn’t once think “there’s no way they’d act that way” because they were all characterized so well as trauma survivors.

- the only things I was like ehhh about were Kenji being a climber (since when??) and Ben having a girlfriend 😂.

- I loved that Darius was living on his own and brand was calling a ton because he was worried about him. Because Darius has only gotten MORE independent, his way of dealing with this problems is having alone time and doing things himself. I LOVE THAT AGGHHH.

- I was disappointed kenji had a new voice actor tho. He didn’t necessarily do a bad job, it was just really distracting for me.

- Not with Brooklyn though, I didn’t notice at all, I just thought Jenna Ortega was going something different now that Brooklyn is older. Her voice actor did so well. I loved all the layers I felt in all the flashbacks.

- One thing tho, I would’ve loved it if Brooklyn was actually dead (although the way they handled it made me REALLY believe she was dead, and I was pretty positive she was alive for most of the show)

- I love brooklyn!! But I do think killing one of the main characters would’ve upped the stakes more. But all of the drama and new dinos did that by itself. I felt on the edge of my seat the whole show!

- I also liked that Brooklyn and Kenji broke up. Might get some hate for that but it’s true. I never shipped it. But this show actually did make me like the ship more if that’s insane. Because I do think the dynamic of “we’re both jokingly egotistical and we bring out each other’s worst sides in a silly way”. I also think kenji needs happiness.

- And while I’m disappointed Ben has an off screen girlfriend, hopefully she shows up as a character later. Or they at least break up so he can have his bisexual king moment (go cry about it)

- I would also love mateo’s daughter becoming a character later, like her being a part of Brooklyn’s secret crew to take down the DPW etc. I don’t usually like the new characters super late in a series, but because of the way they’ve hinted at these characters, it makes me want to see them.

- I think she’d be a hacker or someone like Brooklyn just cause of what we’ve been shown of her.

- One thing I didn’t love, was not getting to see a complete wrapped up conflict. Like, kenji and Darius got better but mostly cause the action distracted them from getting to be genuinely hurt. And ESPECIALLY Sammy and Yaz’s conflict, although by Yaz helping her breathe it did kind of solve the conflict without words. But that’s just me.

- I also thought that Ben should be a lot less well adjusted. He’s had A LOT of trauma throughout the show, basically breaking his entire original archetype and replacing it with a new one. His whole character development was going from being scared and being a burden, to getting immensely used to hurting and living in the wild just to survive. When I originally thought of how he’d be out of the island, I thought he’d really struggle getting into fights to solve his problems, (like when he got into a fist fight with kenji) and being a little too wild for “civilization” (school, work etc.) and not fitting in. We also don’t really know why he’s not in college anymore. Did he graduate? Is he taking a gap year? We saw him in a dorm and it’s only been six years. Wasn’t he like, 15 at the start of the show? Well, I guess he would’ve graduated by then, but idk it depends. We actually have a lot of loose ends I want to be explored, like where is Sammy’s family? Why don’t her parents talk to her anymore? Is it cause she’s gay? I thought she had siblings?? Idk.

- tldr, I want ben to have more violent tendencies because he can’t work through his emotions. Not everyone heals in non harmful way 🤷‍♀️

- also cause I want his pyromania to come back idc if it was a facade to protect himself.

- ALSO IM SO GLAD KENJI’S DAD IS DEAD I ALMOST FORGOT

- AND ALSO IM SHOCKED THEYRE EVEN INSINUATING THAT BROOKLYN IS EVIL NOW CAUSE REMEMBER HOW PISSED SHE WAS AT KENJI FOR DOING BASICALLY THE SAME THING? DAMN, HYPOCRITICAL MUCH?

- BUT IT WOULD BE COOL IF HER MORALS ARE NOW MORE MORALLEY GREY LIKE HATING DINOS OR HURTING PEOPLE FOR THE GREATER GOOD

- LIKE NORMAN FROM THE PROMISED NEVERLAND MANGA OR ROSE QUARTZ

- THATS MY FAVE TYPE OF CHARACTER

- That’s why I liked it so much when Darius said “I don’t chase dinosaurs anymore, just one…” BECAUSE IT INSINUATED HE WANTED TO KILL A DINO WHEN HES A DINO LOVER. Him not liking Dinos as much would’ve been badass but also out of character I guess

- it also made me think of that meme from totally spies “I don’t want to kill all the world! Just half! THE MALE HALF-“

- but omg this made me realize… if his boss that he talked to during that scene was talking to Brooklyn this whole time… if brook asked how Darius was she could’ve told her about how bad he was doing and Brooklyn wouldn’t have been able to tell him at all that it wasn’t his fault.

- although… I’ll be real with u… it totally was. When we found out WHY he wasn’t there? Eyah it was his fault 😭💀. I know that’s horrible it say and if I was him I would’ve done the same (just cause it’s awkward and he wanted to give her space) BUT THAT WAS ALMOST INCEL-LIKE BEHAVIOR FROM HIM, WHAT???

- anyways I made a lot of jokes I might copy and paste in a reblog we’ll see

That’s about it for now. Thanks if you read this far.

@riftwirecrystal tag

[kishibe-kisser]

Wish I Never Met You (Ghost/Teaser)

A/N: Sorry for my absence y'all, I had exams and was studying like crazy. But that's over so you all can see my new big project!! Let me know what you think and if you want to be tagged.

Tags: Zombie Apocalypse au!, Ghost x afab!reader, mentions of blood, death, Soap, Price, yelling, arguing, enemies to lovers, smut (smut tags in actual post)

“You get used to being alone so long, being around so many people can be overwhelming.” You admitted and you felt absolutely pathetic. A solid roof over your head, people that want to look after each other surrounding you and you couldn’t get a night’s sleep? You hated your body and mind for being so ungrateful.

He knew the feeling well, better than most. He struggled with this when they brought the first batch of survivors on base. They were strangers to him, sleeping a few feet away from him and they were loud. They weren’t really loud, he knew that. But you never quite realize how loud people are in general until it’s all taken away, it takes getting used to and he felt somewhat… sympathetic towards you. Being in the military equips you with coping mechanisms for things like this, it was harder for the average person.

“You’re not the first one to experience this. Which should be comforting, you’re adjusting normally.” Price told you and you feigned a smile. “If you need anything let me know.” Price added on and dismissed you. You didn’t feel comforted really, but you knew you needed to fight through it. It was a safe space and you hadn’t met anyone yet that made you uncomfortable, Ghost aside. You could do it, you had been through worse than a sleepless night.

You had been dreading the night and doing anything possible to avoid thinking about it. Oddly enough, there was plenty to do. You helped organize some of the canned food, looked into the farming system they had set up and helped cook dinner. It was a community and helping out made you feel better.

“There you are! Was beginning to think you were never going to show up.” Christine smiled as you entered the barracks. She had been kind to you from the moment you walked onto base, though it was clear she had been well socialized already. She never seemed to have an awkward moment with anyone and well, you were filled with them. It was nice to know she was worried about you though, it was dark outside and you had to sleep at some point.

“Yeah, was just doing a bunch. What’s up?” You asked, slowly walking together towards your cot. “One of the Lieutenant’s asked me to pass this along to you. You know, Ghost, the one with the skull mask.” She smiled, showing you the items in question. Earbuds and a historical fiction novel. “Did he say anything?” You asked, accepting the items with hesitation. He hadn’t said one kind thing to you since you got there, whatever this was about it couldn’t mean anything good. “Nope, just asked me to pass it along.” She said and you nodded in understanding, despite not understanding anything at all.

“Can I ask you something.” You said, mouth speaking before you even realized. “Of course.” She beamed, brushing her long blond hair behind her ear. She seemed eager at the chance of getting to know you more. “What’s his deal? Ghost’s. Like I’ve only seen him in the mask.” You asked, watching her smile pull even wider. “And that’s the only way you will see him. It never comes off. He’s a good guy though, I think. The most he’s said to me was asking me to give you that. He takes good care of everyone though. Just not with a lot of words. The kids think he’s a superhero.” You found yourself smiling at the way she talked about him and you could totally see the kids seeing him as a superhero.

The mask thing didn’t become anymore clear to you and well, you definitely weren’t going to ask him about it. You simply took his token of kindness and kept your mouth shut.

A/N: Like I said let me know what you guys think! Full thing should be posted towards Friday!

[wutheringmights]

Thank your for the chapter. This is me submitting my request for director's commentary.

Sorry this is very late.

But, you know.

*gestures wildly at the state of the world*

This is the first chapter in a long time where I was actively having fun writing more than 30% of it. Writing doesn’t always have to be “fun” for me to write it, but spending most of this year stuck on two chapters I absolutely hated did a number on me. 

I still didn’t get to everything I wanted in this chapter; I have been trying to get to the fallout for the Knights of Hyrule encounter for most of this year now (jfc!), but I’ve had to expand the plot points leading up to it. This entire Castle Town arc was planned to be one chapter. Past Frankie was insane for thinking that was possible. 

Pacing-wise, this chapter really did need to be on its own. The important plot points needed their own space to breathe; trying to shove all of this and the contents of the next chapter into one would have led to a lot of things being overshadowed. So even though everything is still moving along relatively slowly, the pacing is somewhat on purpose this time. 

As previously stated on this blog, I sorely neglected updating AO3 with the new chapter total. There is 6 chapters left (5 plot chapters, then an epilogue). Rest easy. This story will take me a while longer yet to complete. 

That being said, don’t be too surprised if I keep budgeting in more chapters. But if this story needs more than 40 chapters, I will abscond from society and become a sheep herder in, like, Iceland.  

(Sorry to front-load the housekeeping information; I usually keep this stuff for the end,  all of this provides context for my first bit about the actual chapter.) 

I am so happy that pre-heart connection stuff with Proxi got its own chapter, as opposed to being included with the post-connection drama of how Link starts clawing his way out of his depression. 

I mentioned last chapter that everything with the first Proxi meeting was an utter failure to me. While this chapter doesn’t erase the problems of the former, it nonetheless is an improvement and more in-line with how I wanted this Proxi storyline to go. 

Link’s depression baths is 100% me projecting-- I had a season of my life where everything in my life kinda fell apart and I became extremely depressed and anxious. One of my coping mechanisms was to constantly take showers. Like Link, I got up to around four showers a day before I was told to knock it off for the sake of the water bill. 

Depression causing a lack of hygiene and self-care is fairly well-represented in media at this point. I relate way more to depression causing a spurt of “good” habits (that are just maladaptive coping mechanisms in their own right) more, and I want to include more of them into my writing. Link seems like the kind of guy who would overcompensate like that too. 

The events of the chapter were condensed from my original vision. The party and the fireworks were going to be two separate incidents, but I wanted to cut down on the bulk of writing each chapter requires of me (more on this later). Luckily, the original idea for the fireworks also included celebrating a holiday (New Years), so the change was easy to pull off. 

I did lose an aspect of that scene I really liked though: Link knowing he was experiencing a trigger deciding to hide in his cellar, all the while congratulating himself for reacting normally while Proxi is like hiding in a cellar isn’t coping, Link!!!!

Fireworks being a trigger is a bit of a cliche, and a part of me really wishes I found something more unique to trigger Link with. But fireworks is a really effective shorthand, partly because it’s so prevalent in real life, and partly because contrasting a celebratory activity with war trauma is so evocative. 

It’s also very silly how significant events in Link’s life keep coinciding with holidays and birthdays. I want to acknowledge both for the sake of world building, but going through the effort of developing them is only worth it if there’s a plot point attached.

But who hasn’t had moments of great revelations while at the family Thanksgiving party?

I like the idea of various holidays/feasts in Hyrule having different levels of importance depending on your tribe or what region you live in, as well as them being celebrated differently depending on your culture. 

Both the Sheikah and the Hylians would place heavy significance on the feast since Hylia is one of their main goddesses, but they would be celebrated differently. I brushed a bit on the idea of the religious ceremonies being different, but I cut back on sharing more of my ideas for the specific celebrations. 

Very specifically, I wanted the Sheikah to have a tradition of performing theatrical plays of significant cultural moments (basically a kabuki-theater version of a nativity play) (can you tell I was raised catholic?). 

I have plans to do something involving a kabuki play next chapter, so I won’t elaborate more on what the play was supposed to be. However, the play did get cut because I planted Link in the banquet hall with no care to move him from that spot. 

I like the idea of moms who are flawed moms in really normal ways. The way Ayane’s mother is very sweet to Link while having these rigid standards for Ayane is very real to life, in part because it’s based on how a lot of mothers I know act to their child’s friends versus their actual child. 

In a similar vein, I’m also fascinated by mothers who fail their children in such specific ways that it would only be a failure to their child-- like a mother giving too much independence to a child who needs more help, etc. That’s my design for these slow (and hopefully subtle) reveals of how Link struggles with his mother’s memory. On one hand, it’s obvious that he was made to feel like a failure of a child, and he probably knows that was wrong of her. On the other, she was a good parent overall and she’s dead. If you have never experienced that particular cocktail of guilt, let me just say that it messes you up. 

The kids who were doing the snowball fight are Ayane’s friends, which is why one of them remarked that Link was going to yell at them again (see: when Link yelled at Ayane the first time he picked her up from school). Katsuki is the only friend of Ayane’s I’ve consistently named-dropped, so I hope that cued you in to who these kids were.

Speaking of which: I stole that name from Bakugo from My Hero Academia. I was watching the show at the time, and I like the character. Ergo, I stole his name.

Link being very aware that he had been triggered during the fireworks show-- I have a very specific gripe about the way people write PTSD that bleeds through this sequence that I cannot explain in a sentence or two. But what’s important is that I have experienced that moment when your body is triggered but your brain isn’t-- so you can start to feel yourself freaking out while in your mind you know there is no threat, yet the body’s reaction starts to cloud your mind, causing a spiral of anxiety and panic. 

Proxi visiting the fairy fountain in Kakariko is one of my favorite scenes. I just like how simple it is, and how it gives a glimpse into what Proxi’s life is like outside of Link.

I did momentarily freak out after posting because I was worried I didn’t make it clear before this chapter that while there is magic lingering at the fountain it can’t heal. But no one has mentioned it yet, so I think I’m safe to wait until a future chapter to clarify that.

Fairies being too small to have more than one emotion is of course taken from Peter Pan. As a long-time lover of fairies (my childhood hyperfixation), it’s a whimsical idea that I just adore. I originally wanted to use that idea as justification for Proxi mirroring Link’s emotions without Link mirroring hers. 

There would be scenes where he is utterly calm while she’s freaking out or crying because he’s good at covering his feelings, but she can’t. I thought this would rid her of too much agency, so I changed it to a mutual sharing of emotions so that Proxi has more space to her own person while still being his “translator.”

I also like the idea of Link being able to gather the ability to talk, but only in relation to comforting Proxi. That’s development, baby. 

I do wish I rewrote that last scene where he feels Proxi’s joy for the first time, as I really like the idea that he would feel a sense of helplessness and horror to be controlled by another person like that. What’s there now is fine, but it could be better.

Now, onto the present-day section: 

It is very, very obvious that I meant to end the last chapter with that conversation between Warriors and Lincoln. Like I said, the original version really sucked (or at least, my original prose describing what the Chain’s arrival at the castle was like). It makes more sense for Lincoln to drop the information about Lionel in the same chapter Lionel is name-dropped.

Lionel was originally going to be Lincoln’s name, but I picked Lincoln since it has the more obvious tie to the Link-Linkle naming pattern. 

Also, this chapter includes a much needed discussion about the ethics of blaming all of the nation’s problems on a single ethnic group. On one hand, it is stupidly effective to utilize bigotry to gather power, and it’s a rhetorical technique even a more morally-upstanding Warriors would use. On the other hand, that’s an objectively terrible thing to do oh my god. 

So I kinda had to go in and cover my bases of having the characters talk and acknowledge what the implications of Warriors’s plan is. The big glaring issue of this conversation is that it also implicates Lincoln and rids him of his moral superiority. 

Personally, I kinda struggle to think of a real-world equivalent to the dynamic I established in the story, where the institution of the Sheikah does a lot of harm while the people within the institution are experiencing the social-consequences of being associated with it. The best I can come up with is Mormoms. 

Either way, I live in fear someone is going to tell me that this is actually about an underprivileged group I am not aware of currently, and I am contributing to their oppression by not critically analyzing Link and Lincoln’s plans correctly. Which would be a valid criticism to make, but one I could avoid if I had just worked out in advance what the hell is this is an accidental allegory for, educated myself, and then fixed the issue. 

If you guys can think of something, let me know so that I can get started on educating myself and such.

The Castle Town arc’s recurring theme is just bureaucracy, which does not make for exciting storytelling. But I do think it’s fitting for Warriors, who used to benefit from the system, to realize all the ways it’s not made to actually help people. I also think he’s the kind of person to realize he doesn’t have the time or ability to rehaul it entirely and has to settle on trying to work within it.

I can finally reveal my “Midna is a fantastic public servant” agenda. My girl was explicitly stated to be a good and dedicated ruler in Twilight Princess, and I will not let anyone else forget it. 

I really wish that this was more of an ensemble story so that I can write about Hyrule and Sky’s adventures in the Castle Town nightlife

If there is one thing I don’t really like about this chapter, it’s the sequence from Warriors talking to Lana about Cia to the end of Icarius’s capture. Reading it back, it really comes off as very corny and very carelessly written.

I initially planned for Icarius to be captured during the bell ringing in the lead up to Warriors trying to draw the Master Sword

I was imagining a scene where they are watching the news about the invasion be announced and, as Warriors is cursing the bad luck of it all, Spirit would just scrunch his brow and say, “Captain.” And Warriors, who is unfortunately drift compatible with him, would be like “go ahead.” And then Spirit would motion for Linkle to follow, and the two of them would reappear after the Master Sword rejected Warriors with Icarius already tied up.

The problem was that would block Spirit off from understanding the whole Master Sword rejection thing, and I really needed him to carve up Warriors’s hand. 

So I punted this whole ordeal with Icarius off to another chapter, and I have been scrambling trying to find another spot for him.

Ultimately, I do think this worked out because I have no idea what the hell the would have done with Icarius during the networking scenes.

After being disappointed with how this version of the capture scene turned out, I was very tempted to cut it and just have Spirit and Linkle haul Icarius into Warriors’s office, but I didn’t want to cut out a scene of Linkle being a bit of a badass. 

And let’s talk about Icarius, because it’s been a while since we’ve thought about him.

First off, you can tell that I was having a lot of fun this chapter trying to find ways to let them have a conversation with Icarius when he can’t speak verbally and they don’t know his sign. The dictionary combined with the gesturing seemed like a fun but logical solution.

Though, in the back of my brain, I kept remembering how stupid I thought that bit in Iron Flame about the translation was. So when I wrote about Warriors translating Faovarian with just a dictionary, I was sitting there feeling like the biggest idiot in the world. 

This scene also reminded me how tragic it is that Icarius can’t speak, because I know how hilarious this man would have been with sassing his captors. 

I also got a chance to put forth the core tenant of Icarius’s feelings for Warriors: mainly, that he thinks Warriors is both insanely handsome but ultimately stupid as all fuck. 

When I first made it clear that the House of Nephus was a reflection of Warriors, Time, and Spirit, I totally thought someone would put together that Icarius, as the Spirit-equivalent, was trying to save Philo. No one ever remarked on it, so maybe it was too obvious to mention. 

(If I were to ever do another one-shot side story in the style of Smoke the Pipe, I would probably do one about Icarius’s life before the events of the plot, if only because I have a lot of ideas of how Faovaria works and how Icarius and Nephus got to where they are now; though I doubt anyone would be as interested in my silly OC’s as I am). 

I also thought someone would figure out Philo was related to the whole Fused Shadow plotline when, in his introductory scene, he used Midna’s powers. I thought it was obvious. 

I also like the idea of the Dark Interlopers having different legacies outside of Hyrule; generally, I’ve just had a lot of fun taking different bits of canon Hyrule lore and figuring out how they could fit into a greater world. My favorite (not in this chapter) example is when Nephus referred the the Three Goddess as oracles mistaken for goddesses. We know Din and Nayru appeared as oracles outside of Hyrule, and Nephus’s line implies that they are still important folk figures in Faovaria, just not goddesses. 

Spirit’s snarky good luck being the nice version of his thoughts is exactly the kind of bullshit I would pull as a socially-inept kid; he realized what he originally wanted to say was too mean so he wanted to convey some kind of recognition that he understood Icarius’s thought process but still wanted to warn him how hard it was going to be. He really, genuinely thought good luck would be the nicest way of conveying that. He’s so bad with people. I love him. 

And, god. Time. Poor guy has walked around his entire life feeling like there has only ever been one person who ever cared for him, only for that one person to turn around and be like yeah I regret helping you. 

Then there’s Warriors who is starting to learn to not let himself get tangled up in fights against Spirit, who is so wrapped up in trying to stop this war that he doesn’t even have the energy to entertain Spirit’s bullshit right now.

Which leaves Spirit alone, with only Warriors to cling on to. 

His conversation with Warriors in the hallway is another favorite of mine, if only because it sounds really natural. I think my dialogue is too on the nose sometimes, so I’ve been trying to let the characters talk around themselves way more. 

Hot tip: if you are writing about men, make sure you mention their facial hair and shaving habits. As a long-time lover of facial hair, I love hearing about characters growing stubble or having to remember to shave in the morning. It’s a little detail that gets overlooked in fiction a lot, and I’m so bitter about it. 

Oh, the newspaper article. Let’s chat about that now. 

Public opinion plays a big role in political intrigue, which I never see enough stories taking advantage of. I knew from the beginning that I wanted Warriors to get exposed in the newspaper after he was well into cleaning up his act, but I wasn’t sure how to go about it. 

As many of you know, one of my most infamous cuts from the story is an original character who was a journalist during the war producing propaganda about Warriors. In the present day, this journalist would have felt so guilty for the role they played that they would have been on the pursuit of writing a story about what really happened back then. They would have been a neutral to antagonistic force in Warriors’s life. 

You can probably guess that this expose was supposed to be their work-- a decision to finally report truthfully despite being asked to lie once more for the greater good. I really wanted to juggle with the ethics of propaganda, and to have a moment where Warriors straddles that moral line by wanting to utilize propaganda for the greater good (but for real this time). 

I cut the character because a) there were too many bozos in this story already, and b) I didn’t think that a plotline about propaganda would be the most useful in a story about a kingdom where the people’s opinion does not matter (in retrospect, that’s a misconception on my part about what propaganda is used for). 

In some ways, I think it did hurt the story a bit to not have a specific character attached to the article. However, I ultimately like having no specific journalist attached to it since it places the blame more squarely on Impa. 

Writing the full article out was most definitely not the best use of my time or the best use of space, but I was worried that if I did not, readers would be really confused as to what the general public did and did not know. 

Stylistically, the article is meant to be more of an profile/investigation piece over a straight-informative blurb. The best example I can find is this article from the Cut on Usha Vance.

(I have spent the past month deep in the anti-Vance think pieces. Fuck both of them. I can’t believe I am going to have to keep hearing about these bastards probably for the rest of my life.)

As you can see, there is the occasional use of first person and more storytelling techniques used alongside facts. I chose this style mostly to make sure the article wasn’t too boring to read. 

I also struggled picking good numbers for the article that would sound severe, without being over the top. I think I picked some realistic stats. But if I messed up, it would be very funny and would invalidate all of my bitching about Fourth Wing’s bad numbers. 

At least I got to use this as an opportunity to drop some new info on you, such as...

Marigold was 19 when she gave birth to Warriors. Yeah, there’s a bit more to the Marigold story that is still left to be uncovered. There is a thematic reason to why Warriors does not seem to acknowledge how young she was when she became his mother.

How do I put this? There’s an irony in him knowing that he was failed by being made responsible for the kingdom at 17, and then not realizing that Marigold was also failed in a similar way. I think people generally have a problem realizing that the problems they see in the world are more widespread than they are, and that they take on multiple forms. And when one thing is wrong in the world, it usually is reflected elsewhere in an unexpected way. 

Warriors believes that Marigold had a responsibility to take care of him because she was his mother despite her age. Warriors had a responsibility to be the hero, despite his age. He understands that just because society at large saw this as his duty, it doesn’t mean it was right. He doesn’t realize this wasn’t Marigold’s duty either to take care of him.

I explored this idea earlier in the story with the use of child soldiers being contrasted with Kat’s underage prostitution. 

Also, Anders Brecht. His last name is a reference to Bertold Brecht, the playwright.

It’s nice to get his story out of Warriors’s perspective of my friend betrayed me and into this is a well-educated activist who was executed for trying to make positive change in the world. To this day, it surprises me how many people were not sympathetic to the turncoats in this story.

Another thematic point: both Anders and Marigold were the Hyrulean-equivalent of leftists. Despite having their influence on him, Warriors still turned out far more moderate than them, and far more prone to causing harm. Insert rant here about how just because you surround yourself with good people doesn’t mean you will turn out like them, etc. 

Spirit being ashamed about the article-- Spirit is definitely someone who understands that just because someone knows you went through some shit, it doesn’t mean they will really give you the validation you want. He’s what happens when the vitamin fantasy doesn’t yield the acknowledgement you thought you were going to get. 

And, finally, Warriors gets put into a corner and manages not to resort to using Spirit to his advantage. I enjoy that Warriors’s determination to not use Spirit as a pawn to sway public opinion back into his favor comes at the cost of, well, being on the verge of losing the goddamn fight. Oh Warriors, you can be a better person now but being a good person doesn’t win wars. 

While the opening conversation between Lincoln and Warriors would have 100% worked better at the end of the last chapter, I do think it’s nice that their conversations are bookends. 

I do think it’s kinda silly that celebrities have to apologize for doing something wrong to the general public, and a part of me wanted to use this story as a means to point that out. But I also have to admit that there is a social reason why we expect it, and I have come out on the side of pro-apology. 

This is the first time in-story that Lincoln hugs Warriors. 

Warriors really needed someone to tell him that they were proud of him and, I won’t lie, I also kinda needed it at the moment of writing. As much as Warriors still has a lot to learn and improve on, it feels good to see him get some of the praise he desperately needs. 

Warriors’s character arc really is just him realizing that while he has to do his heroic duties, he would much rather be living a quiet domestic life with his family. Well, he always knew he wanted that. He just went about it wrong with Spirit and Time. He’s just getting to start over with a better perspective and less coercion. 

And finally, the Knights of Hyrule are arriving. I’m not lying when I say that I have spent most of this year trying to get to this stupid plot point. I thought the trip to Castle Town to now was going to be one chapter. That was back in March. It’s November now. Ugh. 

So yeah. That’s the chapter. 

You might have noticed that my style is a bit different this chapter. Looking back on old chapters, I can see myself overwriting in a lot of places, especially in the narration the explore’s Warriors’s thought process. I’ve been trying to cut that back in order to both clean up my writing and cut down on the sheer bulk of words every chapter requires.

I think it’s working out so far, but I won’t blame anyone for thinking the chapter is a little underwritten, or it seems like I’m putting in less effort into the story. 

Ideally, I would like to get two more chapters out by the end of the year-- one for each month. I have no idea how that will work out when I am as busy as usual and the holidays are coming up. But I will try my best. 

(I also just realized that there is three weeks left to the month and I have not started the new chapter yet. Oof.)

(If I keep up the chapter a month pace, the story will end around April, aka: CTB’s next birthday.)

Thank you to everyone who has kept up with this story for so long. I love writing long stories, but there’s always a point where readership peters out (not surprising; comes with the art form). CTB has long hit this point (taking a four month break this year did not help), so I appreciate everyone who has kept up so far and everyone who has recently given this story a shot. Hopefully the next chapter will worth all the time and dedication you have shown this story so far <3

[rarilee33]

@leedoodlesstuff @connorconsumestrousers and I have a Moral Orel 18th century au!

Some Bloberta outfit concepts and an Orel design at the top.

There are a lot of details but the Puppingtons are aristocrats; as in the comic here, Clay meets Bloberta, of the working class, singing at a music hall which she does to earn money.

She sees marrying Clay as an opportunity for upward mobility. She tries to convince herself she's attracted to him and stuff Clay thinks even though Blobs is poorer and all that she's pretty, seems intelligent (especially for a commoner : 0), and is very talented, and seems like she could be good wife/mother material. So they keep meeting and Angela like... is hesitant about her at first but lends her some clothes and Bloberta kinda starts to look to her as a better mother figure (Regina is not great) and Angela also starts to think of her as a daughter and she could definitely work for her Clay! Bloberta is elated she's being accepted by these people which helps her convince herself that this is a good idea. Clay probably sets it up so Bloberta can sing at social events they go to, if it involves a music/vocal performance, because it's good for him and she's more than willing to do it. She feels a bit like she's being exploited after a few times but she also loves to sing and it's helping her make friends or at least people who appreciate her voice.

More lore under the cut!

With Bloberta's upbringing she's used to doing chores and all herself and cleaning is a coping mechanism for her anyway so she cleans things when Clay's not there and the servants are all quiet about it cause they like her more than him. Bloberta is also afraid of being seen as lesser so she's extra careful to 'behave' in front of Clay and his associates.

Clay hushed [her background] up so not many people knew he was marrying her because he didn't want those reactions; only his closest associates knew Then he hires people to make sure she can act 'properly' in public. Bloberta wants to be accepted in society so she goes along but she often puts on a show when they're out and about obviously. She feels quite numb like in the show, like she's always playing this version of herself. She hates talking to other men's wives at parties and such. She gets a break when she's conceiving Orel and then is congratulated for producing a healthy male heir.

So the difference here is that Clay knows who Shapey's father is from the beginning, but I think they'd set it up so Shapey and Danielle don't interact so Shapey doesn't form an attachment to him.

As for Shapey- because it'd be different here as to Danielle's plan... the marriage and all is a different structure than it is in modern day moralton, Clay is in a position that benefits him and he keeps Bloberta around for that reason... so Danielle, if he wanted Clay, would just go to Clay in secret. His plan- Clay wants another kid but can't provide physically for another one so like... Danielle offers to have sex with Bloberta. And Clay is like "well okay" and then they hook up in private, but a lot of people in their circle have these affairs. It's not unprecedented for Bloberta, she's just frustrated that her husband (who she doesn't love) and this guy who had sex with her so she could have a second kid are f*cking elsewhere while she's like >: <. Some of the women in the social circle hear about Clay and Danielle and invite Bloberta, who they've known for several years now, into their uhh lesbian circle.

Orel thinks it's totally normal that his parents aren't even like together they're just creating a facade that isn't even for the other people in their circle cause everyone's f*cking each other; the facade is for those outside the circle.

He sees Danielle occasionally like "Oh that's my father's lover" and then when he sees any of Bloberta's ladies "oh there're my mother's lady friends". Then he like, goes out in town when he's 12-13 and he becomes friends with Doughy and Joe and them and it's apparently not everyone's parents who do this!

"Your parents don't have lovers besides their husband or wife? Strange"

Clay and Bloberta are both generally happy because of their relationships except when they have to spend a lot of time together, but it's not suspicious or anything that they are only (barely) platonic in public, it's normal. So they still feel stuck together (and Bloberta doesn't want to leave, with everything she has tied down in this life) but aren't at the same time. They actually feel more amiable to interact with each other if they have to or pass by in a hall because they aren't together in any context that matters to them, only a casual one that they don't have to do much to maintain.

[fantasy-mixtapes]

Kristen Applebees S3 Playlist: Side A

Here's Part 1 of Kristen's Junior Year Playlist, I am obsessed with it so far and will probably continue to be. Descriptions and key lyrics below. Spoilers for Episodes 1-10

Genres include: Pop-Punk, Alternative, Punk, Folk

1. Lavender Bones, Stand Atlantic

I know I'm out of my depth, but I just float in it I try to do my best, stop picking fights with it I wanna be upset, you're not alright with it I can cover it up, I can cover it Try to speak my mind, wish it was by design But I can only confess to having doubts with it Don't wanna feel regret, I'm not alright with it I can cover it up, I can cover it

So this is a perfect background music for the start of a movie about Kristen's life right now and I LOVE finding those songs. It's perfect on so many layers, it talks about feeling trapped, wanting to fix empty habits, and not to mention how "lavender bones" really hits home to my queer little heart. This entire playlist is really a game of guessing when the "you" in songs chosen mean Tracker and when they mean Cassandra, level: impossible

2. Starchild, Sweet Pill

What do you want from me? I am not a charity Work hard at everything Do it all for free What do you want from me? I am not a guarantee Go all or nothing Lose your money ... Set up to win Wind up disappointing everyone In the end I am disappointing mostly myself In the end Hang your Head

I AM SO NOT NORMAL ABOUT THIS SONG Guys its like it was written for this very specific situation. AND THE TITLE???? FOR A CLERIC OF THE GODDESS OF MYSTERY, DOUBT, THE NIGHT, AND STARS???????

anyways just please please listen to it its so great like even without the connection to Kristen, go support Sweet Pill they have a new album being released tomorrow (March 15th)

3. Uneeda, Deady

What about the bones The bones have no problem Turn them into ash And this never happened Your ashes big asses Your brains on the pavement Oh no! I can feel myself rot Unless I take your hand

Ok so this is kind of a genre outlier on the playlist since it is very very alt punk but for me it represents the rage at the mall, Kristen's relationship to Cassandra, and both of their respective reactions to what happened. It's very chaotic, but it was a very chaotic situation and I stand by it plus I love adding modern bands to things

4. Bite the Hand, boygenius

I can't hear you You're too far away I can't see you The light is in my face I can't touch you I wouldn't if I could I can't love you how you want me to I can't love you how you want me to

Yeah, sorry had to whip out the queer break-up big guns. I don't feel sorry I feel right.

5. Untitled God Song, Haley Heynderickx

When you're drunk near a sunset, look straight in her eyes She's a quick glimpse of heaven, forgetting her headlights are on When you misread her fortune, don't misread the joke She's the note on your lampshade, the honeycomb holdin' you And she spins me around like a marionette Oh, my web is still spinnin' My web is still spinnin', you can't see it yet

Immediately going from having total contact with a divinity figure to having to grasp for straws once again to a memory you hold onto, literally holding onto the shards of your faith. Having to both embrace doubt and faith at the same time. Girlies, I'm ruined

6. C'est Comme Ça, Paramore

In a single year I've aged one hundred My social life a chiropractic appointment Sit still long enough to listen to yourself Or maybe just long enough for you to atrophy to hell ... I know that regression is rarely rewarded I still need a certain degree of disorder I hate to admit, getting better is boring But the high cost of chaos Who can afford it?

I love Kristen, and I think her arc this season is extremely relatable; currently, 90% of what she does are bits, and I KNOW it's a coping mechanism, but STILL, WHY ARE YOU SO MESSY. I love you; keep being 17, but god, keep your clothes on and stop going to the steel plants girlie you're gonna give Riz a heart attack

[myfairkatiecat]

Keefe (for bingo)

AHELDHKAUSHDKJAAHJSSHAKSBDKHSKSDSHAJAHDLDUSBSKSJSHALSHDHSKA

OK I CONTRADICTED MYSELF A LOT SO LET ME EXPLAIN

this is my favorite character of all time in any media, right up there with Anakin Skywalker from Star Wars, Nicholas & Nathaniel Benedict from TMBS (showverse) and Lancelot from bbc Merlin. Actually probably slightly above all those characters which is SAYING SOMETHING.

Is he comic relief? Yes.

Would I be his friend? Yes.

Has he done nothing wrong? Yes!! No he’s done many things wrong he’s so precious to me ok but the law he’s broken the law I love him so much he literally betrayed his friends I will always love him he has sooo much to answer for I’m glad Sophie forgives him after she chews him out she should chew him out longer but I suppose Fitz does that for her He has so many apologies to make but like he’s also done nothing wrong look I’m aware of my blorbo’s mistakes he’s honestly not as problematic as the tumblr fandom makes him out to be sometimes, and I MEAN that, but he’s also not as perfect and sweet as the eleven year olds on Wattpad make him out to be. He’s a LOT okay, you can’t analyze Keefe Sencen without the everything

Are my opinions unpopular? Yep! The other keefe girlies hate my opinions bc I acknowledge his character flaws and the Keefe haters hate my opinions bc I acknowledge the fact that he’s NOT an antagonist and actually has a lot of really good traits, and that’s NOT me making excuses. Also what are y’all on about saying he doesn’t get held accountable for his actions, like yeah Sophie forgives him pretty fast but not until she’s yelled at him, and the rest of his friends do NOT bounce back to normal (Fitz)

Do I relate to him? Yes, unfortunately. I have Fitz’s trauma and Keefe’s coping mechanisms (they aren’t good coping mechanisms but they’re literally mine)

Is the fandom wrong about him? Yes, the Keefe fans and Keefe haters alike. Don’t flatten this guy there’s SO MUCH THERE. (I’m not talking about my Keefe-negative mutuals—if I follow you, you didn’t flatten his character, I am very serious about Keefe Sencen)

Do I want to adopt him? YES I mean I’m literally his age but if I was old enough to adopt him I totally would, get that kid away from Cassius Sencen and kill Gisela Sencen. Honestly tho I’d settle for an Elwin adoption, dad!Elwin rocks

Did he need less screen time? *sighs in resigned Keefe fan* probably…objectively…yes…

Did canon do him dirty? I debated filling in this one. Because Shannon has made him a SUPER complex character. But also I swear if the ending of stellarlune isn’t the last time he steals something from Sophie to carry out a reckless plan he told no one about, I’ll riot. Don’t give him forward character progress and then erase it! If it’s a momentary relapse of bad habits I’ll allow it but I’m starting to want Shannon to let Keefe grow from all of that. Cause she keeps letting him get better—and then slip back. (Which isn’t unrealistic and I can work with!! I love him! But SHANNON PLEASE)

Do I want to study him? I want to get a full on PhD in this guy’s character arc actually

Did he need more screen time? Heh. Uh. Objectively NO. But also this amount of page time has allowed us to learn so much about his character complexities?? Like I’m torn between missing the other characters and eating up his character arc. Currently I’m gonna hope book 10 expands the other characters more bc I need more of them and 9.5 can feed my Keefe brain

Would I hit him with a golf cart? Listen my friend made this bingo game (hi Bods, if you’re reading this) and I know exactly what the actual intention was behind this square. But like. I want to slightly run into him with a golf cart. Just enough to slightly injure him and make him rethink his life choices (affectionate) (actually in the words of@phtalogreenpoison “I’d like to microwave Keefe. Just shortly”)

Does he need therapy? OH MY GOSH YES. I have thought this about other characters but SPECIFICALLY KEEFE HOLY GUACAMOLE GET THAT GUY THERAPY

Is he insane? Define insane. But I love him anyway (what is going on in his head half the time 😭)

Am I rotating him in my head 24/7? WELL YOU’VE READ THE POST WHAT DO YOU THINK

Do I have so many headcanons? Oh you guys don’t know the half of it. I have. So. Many. SO MANY

Is he wasted potential? Uhhhh I have too many thoughts on this to actually put it on this post. Genuinely love what Shannon’s doing with his character, like I said. But at some point she needs to. Address the things. Or he just becomes a guy with all these complications introduced that just kinda sit there and continue to change and grow and Keefe is the complex character to end all complex characters but Shannon you need to DO SOMETHING WITH THE MASTERPIECE OF A CHARACTER THAT YOU HAVE CREATED

The amount of bingos holy moly

Anyway

Keefe means a lot to me

Thanks for the ask anon!

[notallangelsaregood]

My thoughts on Spy x Family Chapter 80

New chapter, new review, yeehaa! Everybody, calm down, calm down! This is not a drill! My heart is still beating fast from the excitement of this new chapter. I need to breathe in order to organize my thoughts and start here! Needless to say, manga spoilers ahead.

Firstly, thank you for all the support on my last review, I definitely was not expecting it, and I'm glad some of you (many!) enjoyed it, thank you, truly. I will keep uploading my thoughts here, since it's really pleasing to write about something I absolutely adore. Now, let's start! (well, I spent 10 unexpected minutes trying to find this chapter online in English, this was quite frustrating, but oh well, that's life. Thanks to the discord server, you saved my ass).

I'm surely glad Endo and his team choose to not time skip this, I mean, genuinely glad. Honestly, I was afraid of that, many important subjects of the manga (specially TwiYor related) has been time skipped or not given the right amount of attention immediately. Have you guys noticed that too? It's not exactly a complaint, I understand some matters need to be addressed later. But, yeah, I'm thrilled they went right into the next day, It shows that this matter is really relevant for some sort of change in their dynamics, at least, I believe that.

Loid is such a great husband and father material, I mean, look at him! His slightly messy hair, not combed back, gives him such a carefree look. And little miss Anya is as adorable as ever.

Becky is a whole mood! Martha covering her mouth had me rolling. Our girl is totally amazed by her crush. And so are we, I mean, can we judge? Look. At. Him! His tiny smile when he says 'good morning'.

Our poor assassin is shaking with nervousness. Again, can we judge her? LOOK AT HIM. Okay, sorry, overreacting is my coping mechanism. By the way, I love Yor's hair down, she looks lovely.

All right, Loid is charming, asking if she rested well and worried about her drinking. I don't believe this is a façade, he is truly worried about her, he always is, but unable to admit it is not solely for the mission. And Yor thinking her coworkers being right, our girl is so confused.

Her face, look at her face. Her train of thought is not at all well oriented. For me, appearing normal to her equals being accepted by others, but mainly by her family she doesn't yet realize she loves. Besides, being normal to her also means covering up her job, which means protecting and being able to provide a better country for the ones she loves. I think that's quite honorable, and it mirrors a lot of Twilight's principles.

She is so hesitant, simply because she doesn't know. She doesn't have any gripes, but by believing that having them equals normality, she is totally pushed to find something, besides, she is worried about Loid having gripes about her and that's lovely.

We all know Yor has problems with her self-esteem when she is not in her Thorn Princess mode, and she worries a lot about being a good wife and mother to Anya. So, this is something recurrent on her mind, which leaves her insecure and I believe Loid gives her confidence to speak up and try to be better for them. Again, she is honorable and so is he. Moving on!

The PANIC™ on his face. Our poor spy was not expecting this at all. And WORSE, he is a highly trained spy on human expressions, but still, he can't tell she is lying, his train of thought is not oriented as well. I wonder, what is blurring it? What is provoking his lack of discernment? I wonder.

Damn, Yuri, what a great timing. Again, look at Loid's expression. He is devastated. Poor man. I'm still perplexed at his lack of insight, he is the best Spy of Westalis, a legend, but still, Yor disarmed him. And that means a LOT about their dynamic.

Needless to say that I burst out laughing. I love Yuri's intensity.

Yor defending Loid is so charming. And Yuri is a mood, we can't say he is a bad brother. He tries to be present, but I believe he is trying even more now that Yor is married, it's funny to see. Also, he just goes in? Like, does he have the key or something? Haha.

'I just wanted to make our marriage look normal too' again with this concept of ideal normality. She is constantly trying, for her own reasons, but for them.

Loid is so done, haha. And Yor stuttering when she said they are not getting divorce, our girl is nervous, she wants this family so bad.

Twilight mode: ON. Still, he is so nervous, deep down, this is not the best spy of Westalis. This is a man, a father, and a husband wanting for this to be fixed, for his wife to feel better. It's not for the mission, Loid, sorry to break it to you. Not sorry. He isn't even real. I'll be better when my medication kicks in, sorry.

'No, just since yesterday'. She is so... I don't even have the words. I guess, random? Look at her face. She is basically telling him 'Nah, I love you, I'm just confused about this very same topic'. She says he didn't do anything, be coherent, Yor! She can't, she is in love

And Loi Loi trying to calm down himself in the process of almost panicking over not being good enough for his wife is everything to me. There has to be a reason, he said. Yeah, duh, she wanted to kissy kiss you. Very much so.

'Inadvertent oversight', phew, am I really bilingual? Truly? Damn. Look at those dorks' faces when they are side to side, so cute, talking to each other before saying goodbye.

He is quite worried about her finding out about his true identity. I wonder if it is because he is, deep down, afraid she will leave him once she founds out. He doesn't want to be alone again. Almost lifeless, like Sylvia's life is now, without her family. Damn, I'm going to cry.

All I see is a Twilight trying to justify his genuine will to apologize, using “the mission” and spy protocols to cover it. Nothing can convince me otherwise, am I delusional? Probably, girl, go take your meds.

Poor Loid, he is so confused. It reminds me of one of the last chapters where he is like 'real marriage sure sounds difficult'. Oh, well, it hits close to home, huh? I see what you did here, Endo.

This is not Twilight. Maybe, like, some percentage, but not all.

He is SO confused, I'm dying. She is basically telling him 'that's the problem, you are too perfect, I need to complain about something, make me suffer for the sake of normality in marriage (?)', I mean, Loid, ma boi, I would also be confused. And her blushing, so adorable.

Preach, girl! I mean, can we acknowledge how important is it that Yor said that? 'This is a marital issue between me and my husband!', no stuttering, no hesitation, to her own brother. This is HUGE.

I absolutely hate this phone. I could tear it down to pieces.

I love Yuri realizing Yor said that she is Mrs. Forger, he is so shocked it's funny to see. Also, she is getting used to it, to saying it, It's a huge improvement since the beginning of the manga. I already told you guys I absolutely hated this phone call?

Look at her blushing face when she comes out with a huge act. Loid's face is hilarious. And Yuri? Yes, boy, she is that eager to spend time with her husband. Kinda.

He is really sorry! Poor Loid. And Yor is cute, her reasoning gets me rolling every. single. time. She is a special girl, I love her.

BOND MA BOI, you lost the huge gossip going around your house like that? For a nap? I mean, It sure seems like a really good nap, but we kinda need you to see the future right now, If you wouldn't mind. And Yuri is wild, I love him, but he is totally wild. His mind is as... peculiar, as his sister's is.

'Even Yor?' Oh boy, you don't even know half of it, Loi-Loi.

Look at Yuri running. I'm so done. This chapter has served us a lot.

Yor is herself again! Loid's mind note: Never offer alcohol to Yor, ever.

No more images are allowed on my post, so I wanted to end it here with my view on the next pages. I'm surely worried. I mean, this is getting really serious. It is a whole new arc coming, and I'm worried about our cherished fake family. Yuri is on Ostania's side, receiving orders to not let WISE interfere, and Loid is defending Westalis and the peace between the countries at all costs. I'm wondering what could happen next. What are your guesses?

I'm sincerely worried about the documents being decoded and the positions of the agents being undiscovered, but mainly about Operation Strix, of course, they are my everything. My guess is that the documents will be recovered, however, so many things can happen in order for this to happen.

I thought a little bit about Yuri finding out about Twillight being Loid (in combat), but I believe that's unlikely, since our famous spy is a master in disguises. Yet, him finding out due to these documents being leaked does not sound pleasant. Can you tell I'm worried? I'm EXTREMELY worried, there are so many possibilities and I have no idea what will happen. I'm counting the days till the next chapter.

Hope you guys enjoyed my ultralonghowareyoustillhereandalive? Review. Feel free to comment what you think here. I'm posting this as I wrote, so if I find some grammar or spelling mistakes later on, I will fix it. 1731 words, more than 30 screenshots and a few hours later, phew, I'm tired. Thank you!

[suusoh]

The horror story that is having your nice friend turn, little by little, into a boundary crossing little freak i can’t. Like him slowly slipping into some of his old creepy behavioral patterns as both a coping mechanism to particular emotions as well as like the only thing he can do cause crushes turn us all into little freaks sometimes. Johan might be freaking out but darling is losing her shit she’s gaslighting herself at first cause this awkward little guy did a 180 in front of her.

He’s normal and friendly AND THEN he’s not 😱

exactly. you've summarized my thoughts basically. The horrors of you being johan lieberts first and only crush 💀it's darling trying to deny that they are a darling/main protag in a yandere/horror story.

"I've been having thoughts of keeping you with m-" "sleepover??? hell yeah! why didn't you say so bud! totally normal. nothing weird at all. We are two very normal friends who have healthy feelings with each other. nothing creepy, unsettling, or weird at all. nope"

[foggieststars]

exactly .. the thing about the post race wimpy charles comfort fics is like. i get it i sometimes also need to read charles getting fucked as a way to elevate the tension from the race. but most of them mischaracterise him in the sense that he’s just not crazy and multi faced enough .. it’s the reason i enjoyed your brazil 23 post race fic bc. altho it did feature wimpy charles he still had that sense of “this guy is not Normal” with the whole torturing himself to forget Bad race results thing etc .. what im trying to say essentially is that a lot of times these fics miss the thing of like. you can have charles be all woe is me while also being Extremely egotistic .. also i think that the best version of lestappen is one in which they’re Weird and Unsettling about each other and that leads to toxicity but also great sex

well exactly.....like he can need help with stuff and still be totally insane. i think i just like it when it works both ways. like they're both fucked up and weird and need to learn healthy coping mechanisms and they make each other better by making each other worse. did somebody say winner's room au

also so funny that you liked charles' abnormal routines....totally werent based on my own coping mechanisms or anything. you have read me to Filth

[azzysecondary]

Sooooo uhhhh….. guess who liked the second game so much they immediately started playing the first after they finished >w>

Anywho I have first impressions of all the protags so far, from the perspective of someone who played the second game first!!

(TLDR: I’m enjoying the game so far,Cyrus is my favorite, and I dub my first four the sillies -w- )

(spoilers for the first chapters of everyone,and for a few mentions of Octopath 2 in here, nothing big for 2, just mentions of characters and chapter 1 tiny spoilers )

Ophilia- 7th in the party

“Que the first shakesphere reference!”

.She’s so wholesome and sweet I love her;w; she’s like a warm presence in her snowy town and I love that for her!! I adore her design and can’t wait to draw it sometime~ it feels really weird hearing the cleric actually and genuinely praise the sacred flame after all my time with Temenos though- I also adore her relationship with her sister it’s so fluffy and wholesome-w-. Overall can’t wait to see more of her!

Cyrus- 3rd in the party

“Prose before Hoes”

He’s my favorite so far- up until his chapter I was wondering why everyone around the protags had an accent and then we reached him and went “HE’S BRITISH *insert keyboard spam*” he’s so silly and goofy and I love his story so far, it intrigues me (´▽｀) （I love a good mystery) also he’s an Aro king from my impressions so far, and I love that for him!!

Therion- Protag

“Purple shadow the edgehog”

He’s giving tries to be tough, but in reality he’s a chihuahua . My Boyfriend said I should chose him as my protagonist , because of the purple chests and I do think that was an excellent idea, because he is carrying my party strategy with steal Sp rn - I think he is also very silly, in a way that he tries so hard to be edgy kinda way- also his laugh is very goofy and chuni, I quite enjoy it! His story also interests me, I wanna see more of his edgy rouge backstory! Also I find it funny both games have thieves with the T spot, that are also purple-

Olberic- 5th in the party

“Oh he has lots of baggage-“

His story seems like it’s gonna be sad so far- my guess is he’s gonna be the party dad, as his father figure- son relationship with Phillip is really sweet;w; I hope we get to see more~I’m intrigued in his relationship with Erhardt because there is SO much tension there too…… I love a good agnsty lovers to enemies, and that’s the vines they give, so much angst (that would make two warriors who have a “comrade/best friend” who betrayed them:( ) ! Overall, I think his vibes are “gentle giant, but will not hesitate violence”!

Primrose- 6th in the party

“ insert everytime I said a variant of “gross” or my jaw dropped in her first chapter”

Primrose needs happiness……. It’s interesting to see how similar her type of revenge is to Osvald’s, yet different. I feel like she’s gonna be as a flirt as a coping mechanism and…… I just want her to eventually become happy, the way people treated her in her first chapter was so awful. I gagged almost every time she was called “kitten” (ew I hate quoting that), and the one person that did treat her with kindness was killed in front of her eyes for it- her “Master, go pleasure yourself line.” was really good though! Overall, rooting for her to get her revenge!! (Also I really like her design it’s so pretty-w-)

Alfyn- 4th in the party

“He’s just a normal guy!”

I love how normal he is, like seriously he’s just a sweet guy, and for that I dub him silly! If Therion is a chihuahua, he’s a golden retriever, and I love his whole wholesome story vibes in general! He’s probably gonna be in my top 4 by the end of the game- I love wholesome characters……. And green ones- also Zeph totally has a crush on him that he’s completely oblivious to (´▽｀) can’t wait to see more of his chill and wholesome vibes!

Tressa- 2nd in the party

“Who is this sassy lost child?”

She’s giving stubborn little sister vibes, and I am HERE for it! Her story seems super adorable so far too! Also love a good back twice a character’s size (gosh that’s gonna be a pain to make/ find when I cosplay her._.) speaking of her bag….. is that thing a bag of holding? How did she carry that barrel to the cave ?!??! Overall 10/10 character can’t wait to see her bickering with Therion in their travel banters, I’m theorizing they’re gonna act like siblings 030

H’aanit- 8th in the party

“Que the other Shakesphere reference”

I love how they used Shakespearian English for her! I actually quite enjoy reading/ the performing of Shakespeare, and I wonder if they’ll use Shakespearian themes in her story. The rhythm of her speech is close to the rhythm of Shakespeare without sounding unnatural, because she’s not actually a Shakespeare character, I can’t wait to see more of it (I’m also hoping perhaps she may call someone a sponge for the full Shakespeare experience -). Anywho, enough of my geeking out about Shakespeare, what interests me about her story is her somber theme. I don’t know what has happened to her master so far, but I’m wondering if this will be a tragedy based on it’s bitter sweetness. Also love how eloquent her voice is, it was a pleasant surprise!

Anywho that’s all for now! Sorry for the long post, and if you’ve read this far thank you! Now I’m gonna go get back to work on my art and stuff for awhile-