#I have stayed up until past 2am the past three nights now to get these done and yes they were worth it

[absoluteocellibehavior]

WOUGH- Alright, fellas. Alright, let's wipe away the tears and push through! While I usually leave the music up to Potato Lord, might I recommend "Remember Me" by Thomas Bergersen for this particular read. To be honest, I've flipped back and forth between whether or not to see Faroe as The Fool or The World but, yes. The World fits her the best. The World is a continuous cycle of completion and new beginnings. I find it evident to revisit something said in Noel's card analysis:

Faroe is a constant presence in the narrative of Malevolent, representing and bordering the cycles and arcs within it. This is represented by the continuous wreath around Faroe as well as the borders of Faroe's song on the outside of it. While this wreath is usually laurels, they are Forget-Me-Nots in this case. This especially hurts for many reasons. Firstly, we know that Arthur carries that guilt over Faroe with him. He won't forget her. She is his guiding light (quite literally as we learn from Malam) and continues to motivate Arthur to keep going. This is evident in episodes like Coda, where memories of Faroe are the things that are keeping Arthur fighting for his life. Secondly, if you weren't aware, the patrons were given three options during the chapters of Part 40 I for Arthur to have written down to "forget" before heading into the Order. These being 1.) forgetting meeting John, 2.) forgetting meeting Oscar, or 3.) forgetting about the duck pond. We are well aware of what was chosen. Arthur won't forget her. And I believe that Oscar would have been willing to take on that sacrifice if he knew and was given the choice himself. Notice the teeny, teeny, little star on Faroe's cardigan. Near her heart chakra. Both Faroe and Oscar are incredibly empathetic, compassionate, and forgiving which are all aligned with this chakra in particular. It was discussed previously, about the parallels between everyone in the cards looking in particular directions. John and Arthur are looking upward. Noel and Oscar are looking downward into their respective pools. Kayne sees through it all and directly at us (he is aware of us listening, you know <3. Just listen to Part 20 again <33. All of that "determinist" stuff he tells Arthur? Yeah. Referring to those silly little votes each chapter). And Faroe is looking away. For The World, this represents looking into the past while your body is moving forward to the future. Faroe, herself, is suspended in both worlds. While her physical being and presence is something of the past, she still remains a key figure in the present. She looks back to Arthur shining brightly with the echoes of John behind him. Something akin to tears rain from the Moon, disturbing the still waters and memories of Faroe. It's not a bad thing. No. Remember that Arthur is honoring her memory by knowing that his life is still worth living. He lives for her still and she is with him always. To me, this focuses much on the transition from Season Four to Season Five. Season Four is where Arthur shined the most, leaving John mostly in the dark. This is in the past now as the Moon hangs high within the wreath. Now we step into a new beginning where it is John's time to learn and time to grow. This is certainly shown in his acceptance of him being something entirely his own during the encounter with the Hag. Outside of the wreath of Forget Me Nots, you see the Sun shining brightly and hanging above.

Well, doesn't that look familiar... <3. The Sun represents hope and joy. The prospect of what they have to do for Kayne in Season Five is difficult and conflicting in of itself. Miles to go... However, there can be the tiniest bit of hope that maybe. Just maybe. The next time their cycle completes, three pairs of feet step through instead. That finally, like Faroe's favorite story, all three of them are able to cross that bridge into the next chapter.

XXI The World

I love you so (I love you, too)

pssstt sheet music reference from @kkachis btw <3

[rafesslxt]

✧.* 𝑳𝑨𝑻𝑬 𝑵𝑰𝑮𝑯𝑻 𝑺𝑵𝑨𝑪𝑲 | 𝒕. 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒕

summary: you thought you would be alone when sneaking into the school kitchen late at night - you were, until someone joined you. - based on this request.

warnings: smut, Hufflepuff reader, fingering, orgasm denial (once), dirty talk, protected p in v, cursing

words: 2,8k

It's almost 2am and I couldn't stop myself but sneak into the kitchen when my stomach literally screamed at me to eat. Well I couldn't take it personal, wasn't my best idea to ditch dinner to study.

And to be honest, it wasn't the first time also, sneaking into the kitchen because I ditched dinner and got hungry at night. Since I already knew my way to the school kitchen without getting caught, I grabbed the coat I borrowed from Harry yesterday and walked through the dark halls of school.

When I arrived I quickly got in and closed the doors behind me. I smiled to myself when I looked through the shelves and fridges. Jackpot, a cake. With some cookies from the cupboard and cake in other hand I walked over to the kitchen island and started eating the cookies. I quietly moaned at the taste, doing a little happy dance at the taste. „Damn these are good.“ I say to myself, then looking at the cake. It wasn’t much left but would definitely be enough for me. I took a piece and licked off the icing, when out of nowhere:

„Wow..“ I turned my head to the second voice with wide eyes, seeing four boys in front of me. I sighed in relief when I noticed who they are and had to hide a smile at their looks when they saw my outfit. I didn’t thought too much about it when I stayed in my underwear and a top. „Like what you see?“ I asked them, smug smirk on my face.

The only one who didn’t looked impressed was Draco, pushing through the boys and walking over next to me, taking a piece of the cake and shoving it into his mouth. „ My girlfriend’s hotter.“ He says with a full mouth, making me grin. „I know Draco, me and Pansy are friends.“ I always loved the way he stayed loyal to her, wishing to be in her shoes sometimes. But not to be with Draco, but to have someone who only has eyes for me like he does for her.

I then glance over to the other three boys, still staring at me. "I definitely like what I see." Mattheo comments with a grin to it. I notice Theo shoving his elbow into his rib before pushing past him and walking over to me. "How are you, principessa?" he asked, tilting his head a little to the side and stared down at me with his puppy brown eyes. God his eyes.

" 'm good, what about you?" I stated innocently then biting off a piece of the cake slice in my hand. He ignored my question, his hands finding their way to each side of me on the kitchen isle. He caged me in between his body and the isle, smirking a little when he see's the realization in my eyes.

That wasn't a new game between us. It's also not the first time that we met here or on the astronomy tower at night. But it was always coincidence.

"Haven't seen you in a while at the astronomy tower." he whispers to me, lowering his head a little. So he was hoping to see me? "What? Did you miss me?" "What If I did?" he asked.

I hadn't had an answer to that right away so I looked over his shoulder to Mattheo and Enzo, still staring at my choice of clothing. He follows my gaze and glares at both of them. "Get the fuck out." he growls at them in an annoyed tone to which they just smirked knowingly and grabbed Draco eating some pudding he had found.

While walking outside Mattheo said "Don't destroy the kitchen." Draco finished it with: "Oh and use protection, kids." he started laughing and walked out with Mattheo and Enzo, leaving silence behind them.

I glanced back up at Theo, who's eyes were already on me. "So, what If I missed you? Did you miss me too?" I ignored his question and turned around in his grip which meant my back was now pressed against his since he pushed against me. I grabbed a strawberry from the cake grinning when I turned back and bit off a piece, making sure my lips wrapped around it just right while my eyes hit his.

I could see his jaw clenching and the muscles in his arm moving when he grabbed the isle a little harder. "Why do you keep teasing me all the time hm? Am I just one of your little victims?"

I had to chuckle a little. It was a rumor about me – well, a rumor that was kind of true. It was about how I'm the biggest tease and would always choose a new boy to tease to no end but never doing anything about it. That's true. But the number's of boy's going around weren't. Theo's the third to be exact but this time it wasn't on propose. I just really liked teasing him and seeing him clenching his jaw or his eyes wandering over my body, my lips.

I shake my head slowly and hold the rest of the strawberry in front of his mouth. "You're not." He grins before biting into the strawberry, never losing eye contact with me. He chews and swallows it down before answering. "What am I then?"

'What am I then?' I wish I knew. It's complicated. And somehow not. We just met like I said by complete coincidence, sometimes we talked, sometimes we just sat there at the astronomy tower and enjoyed each other's company while he smoked and I read a book.

"I don't know Teddy, just know that I like your company." I answered honestly. I think I saw a little bit of relief in his eyes when I told him. "So you're not just teasing me?" I giggle a little and shrug with my shoulder's. "Oh I definitely do and I enjoy it but -" "But what?" he asks, looking at me intensely. I gulp and lick over my bottom lip, my cheeks suddenly getting a little red.

"Perhaps, you chose that outfit of your's on propose?" he asked cheekily. I rolled my eyes at him and shook my head. "I didn't thought you would come with friends. And I have Harry's cloak with me so no one would have seen me but you."

"So you did choose it with a purpose?" I put the stem in my hand away and tried not to blush again. "Yes." He pushed himself even closer to me now, his face now beside my ear. He whispered "And what were you hoping would happen, amore?" my heart always melted when he spoke Italian, his voice sounded so good while speaking his language, I could listen to him talking to me in it all day long.

I swallowed down all my pride and the rest of my shyness before I answered. "That you finally would get the hint, maybe. Or ask me out." he started grinning, giving my earshell a soft kiss. " Oh I'm getting the hint." Abruptly he grabbed my hips with both of his hands and sat me down on the kitchen isle, him now standing between my legs. "Do you know what you do to me?" he lowers his voice and lets go of my right to push back my hair so my shoulders were free. I shook my head, pretending to not know what he means.

"Don't act all shy now. I know you're not. I see the way you always look a me. Never thought a little Hufflepuff like you would be like that."

„Well, many underestimate us.“ I whispered, smirking. Then he lowers his head a bit more and puts a feathery light kiss on my shoulder, sending shivers down my spine. I stop breathing for a second and take a short glimpse of his angelic face. Even his light touch already set me on fire inside.

He continued when he noticed that I didn't push him away or stopped him in any kind of way. The next kiss is tender, not as light as the first one. The third one is longing. The fourth starts to get heated. "Theo.." I murmur, closing my eyes.

"Hm?" he muttered against my skin, covering it in kisses. "I want you." He stops and scans my face to make sure If I'm playing with him or If I'm being serious. I grab the cords of his sweatpants, pulling him closer. "I want you." I repeat, to make sure he got it.

Then out of no where, his lips crash against mine in a heated kiss with his lips so soft and full. I let my hand roam over his chest, grabbing the soft shirt in a desperate way. "I want you too." he breathed out against my lips when he pulled away from mine for a moment. I grabbed him by the neck and pulled him in again, smiling against his lips.

His hands found their way to my thighs, massaging them carefully while working their way up to my underwear. In the meantime my hands had already slid under his shirt, feeling his abs under my fingers.

One hand of his pushed me back so I laid down with my back on the kitchen isle. He grabbed my legs again and pulled my middle closer to his crotch until I could feel him hard through his pants.

I bit down on my lip when his hands slowly slid over my exposed stomach, up to my chest. I stare at him, nervous what he's going to do. "I've waited so fucking long for this." he growls, slowly pulling down my top. A smile formed on his lips when he saw I didn't wear a bra beneath it.

My nipples instantly got hard 'cause of the cold air. "Then why didn't you try anything sooner?" I asked. "Don't know.." His fingers slowly brushed over my nipples now, teasing them. ".. I enjoyed the tension between us. Didn't want to overstep too." he replied.

I chuckled at him and joked "Yeah right, fucking someone on a kitchen isle in school is not overstepping." "Who say's I'm gonna fuck you?" he teases, playing with my nipples now.

I gulped and glimpse up at him. "Theo please.." I buck my hips up, grinding against him. "Shit, you're already begging, principessa? Can't wait to see how wet you are." I quietly whimpered at his words, grinding harder against him to feel some kind of friction on my aching pussy.

He leans down and starts sucking on my nipple while he continued playing with the other with his fingers. His second hand slid down over my stomach again, leaving a warm feeling behind. It stopped at my panties, playing with it a little. "Please.. please touch me Teddy." He groaned at the nickname. It was something only I called him.

He dipped his fingers inside my underwear, feeling my wetness. "Fuck you're not wet you're fucking soaked. It's gonna be so easy to just.." he starts, his finger slipping over my clit at first and teasing it for a moment with brushing over it ever so slightly and then going further to my opening, slipping two fingers inside without a problem.

He groaned and rolled his eyes. "You feel so tight baby. Fuck you're gonna milk me dry.." I whined at his words and the feeling of him inside me. He started moving them in and out, pumping my pussy and rubbing my clit with his thumb.

I grabbed the edges of the isle and closed my eyes, back arching upwards. "Feels so good." I moaned, pressing my lips together trying to be quiet.

"Hmm that‘s right, just imagine how good my cock will feel." he responded with a smug look, moving his fingers inside me faster and putting more pressure on my clit. I took in a sharp breath, biting down on my lip hard.

I started clenching around him, feeling a fire pooling low in my abdonen but before I could let go he pulled his hand away from me, smiling at me devilish. "That‘s for all the teasing, baby."

He pulled down his sweatpants and boxershorts together, revealing his hard cock. I noticed the red tip already leaking pre cum. "You wanna get fucked amore?" he growls with his thick accent while grabbing his hard on and sliding the tip through my puffy folds.

"Theodore please, don‘t be a tease." I complained. He chuckles when he sees the desperate look in my eyes. "I‘m gonna fuck you so hard you never will think about someone else.“ he promised, pushing his cock into me with a single go until he was completely inside me.

"Oh cazzo.." he cursed and closed his eyes when he felt my walls sucking him right in. I felt him everywhere in me and I was sure I could see him in my stomach If I had the power to look down at me.

I heard him laughing quietly so I opened my eyes and looked at him questioning. "You‘re so tight I can‘t think straight." he chuckled and let out a deep breath before moving his hips after making sure I‘m ready.

I arched my back when his hips met mine and my mouth fell open letting out a silent scream. "Oh merda.. feel me in your stomach huh?" he grunts, throwing my legs over his shoulder.

I let out a high pitched moan at the new angle, feeling him so much deeper now. My nails found his arms, leaving marks on them. His hips moved faster against mine, he leaned down and took my lips into a heated kiss again. The kiss was fiercy and it felt like he was starving or needed me for air. I've never been kissed like that and I felt so alive after such a long time again.

"Fuck Theodore.." I whine against his lips, capturing them right after again. I feel him grinning against my lips and moving his hips more brutal against mine, squeezing my thigh with his hand while the other found its way around my neck. "You're mine, cara mia. Mine. Do you understand that?" he groans, letting go of my mouth.

I squeeze my eyes shut when he pushed down on my stomach." I said: Do thrust You thrust under thrust stand thrust me?" "Fuck yes Theo, yes!" "Say it!" I whimper and open my eyes again, giving him what he wanted. "I'm yours, only yours." he started smiling satisfied with my answer.

"That's right, baby. Only this cock will fill you up." He rocked his hips against mine in an unnatural pace, making me see stars and babbling some words.

"Such a little slut for me." he added. My legs slowly got tired, not used to the stretch. I gasped when he hit my cervix, a broken sob left my mouth. "Oh - right there. Please fuck me right there." It was like every brain cell left my head when I felt that fire in my abdomen again.

He slightly squeezed his hand around my throat, making my head feel dizzy only adding to the aching feeling inside me. "Beg me, fucking beg me to come around my cock... fuck." he lets out a moan when he feels my warm walls clenching around him so perfectly.

"Hmm please Theo please fuck me, please. I need to come so bad." I cried out, little sobs leaving my lips. He grins devilish and adds his thumb to my clit, moving it in circles.

Then again I have that rippling feeling in my abdomen, leaving me trembling beneath me. "Hm, come for me baby, fucking come around me, please." he groans in a desperate voice, feeling the need to feel me milking him like I did around his fingers earlier.

My orgasm hit me like an explosion would have. I didn't hear anything around me for a few seconds, my head dizzy and my mouth dry.

His hands find my hips and dug their fingernails into my flesh. I heard him cussing again, his thrusts getting sloppier and his head fell back. "Oh fucking hell I'm gonna come - should I - should I pull out?" I shook my head with a little smirk."I'm using-" "Thank Merlin - ugh fuck." I hear him gasping for air when he ruts his hips against mine, holding still when he shoots his load inside me. His fucked out state turned me on again in an instant. Nothing better than a vocal man.

When he slowly comes down from his high, he grabs my face and kisses me messy but lovingly. "You felt so fucking good." he groans against my lips, slowly pulling out. I let out a quiet whimper at the emptiness I felt again. I looked up at him a smirked. "What?" he asked me when he saw my smirk. "That's it?" I asked him daring, knowing it would provoke him.

He chuckles darkly at me and turned my on my stomach in an instant. "I'm gonna fuck you the whole night, until all the cooks come into the kitchen for breakfast and they see you begging for my cock."

Fuck yeah.

Thank u got reading, hope you enjoyed. 💛 Not my best smut to be honest whoops.

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My masterlist if u wanna read more.

xoxo sarah <3

[hoonieyun]

collecting tears - heeseung

jar of tears that were shed for heeseung

lee heeseung x reader "y/n"

genre: angst, situationship, unrequited love

warnings: kissing, suggestive, profanity, mentions of a dead parent, overall 18+

summary: your relationship with heeseung, if you could even call it that, has lasted for almost 3 years. 3 years you were at his beck and call and you were finally done. having convinced yourself that you didn't want to continue what you had with him even if you didn't necessarily believe that. to him it was casual but to you it meant everything.

We were goin' right, then you took a left Left me with a lot of shit to second-guess Guess I'll waste another year on wonderin' if If that was casual, then I'm an idiot sabrina carpenter - sharpest tool word count: 1401

Had it been any other person, you wouldn’t have stayed for so long, but something about Lee Heeseung just pulled you in. 

Three years of wasted time and no matter how much you tried to convince yourself that you were slowly chipping away at the hard exterior of Heeseung you were always met with, “You know I’m just not ready for something serious right now.” whenever you would bring up how you’d wish he would hold you as his girlfriend and not the girl that was just filling the empty space in his bed. 

“Hey, are you still up, love?” the text reads as your phone shines in your face. The clock says 2AM but to you it was time to crawl into his bed and to Heeseung it was time to call for someone to take up the empty space between his arms when he sleeps. You don’t even give yourself the time to try and convince yourself that you shouldn’t go before you’re behind the wheel of your car, pulling into Heeseung’s parking lot. The walk from your car to his apartment felt long, your heart drumming inside of your chest and with every step you took it pounded louder and louder as you arrived at his door. The pounding of your heart suddenly silences as you knock on the door and it almost instantly swings open; revealing a casual but handsome looking Heeseung. 

He was standing in his doorway, sweatpants hanging loose around his waist and his toned body being hugged by the black compression shirt he wore. A sight you saw quite often, his usual attire when you would come over and although simple, it definitely had an effect on you. Your mind instantly clearing of any worries or hesitation when you seem. 

“Hey…” Heeseung says and that simple three letter word held so much weight. 

It wasn’t just “Hey” it was: 

“I’m glad you’re finally here.” or…

“I’ve been waiting for you.” and…

“I need you in my arms right now.”

but it was never:

“Be mine.” or “I’m yours.” 

Heeseung takes your hand in his, guiding you to his bedroom but not before connecting your lips, mindlessly moving against one another as you kick his door closed and turn the lock. Navigating your way to his room with no worry because the two of you had memorized the path to his bedroom and you could get there with your eyes. Much like now, eyes closed as your lips connected. 

Past the dining room where his leftover takeout sat, cold. 

Through the hallway with several picture frames hung on the wall of his loved ones, none of which featured you. 

And into the doorframe of his bedroom, landing on his plush bed as you pull away from him to catch your breath. Heeseung’s eyes are dark and low as he watches you, your chest slowly rising as you recall all of the other times you were in this situation. 

When Heeseung took you to his older brother’s birthday, ending the night in his bed. 

When Heeseung took you to the theme park because you said you’d never been before, ending the night in his bed. 

When Heeseung asked you to temporarily move in while you were still looking for a new place to live after college, ending every night in his bed until you found a place. 

Right now, after you spent the whole day thinking of Heeseung, ending the night in his bed. 

Heeseung sets his hand over your neck, his thumb softly rubbing your cheek as he tries to read what you were thinking of through your eyes, “What’s on that pretty little mind of yours?” he asks. It was moments like this when he would speak to you in that way that just soothed your heart, he just had this way of speaking to you and telling you exactly what you needed… but not what you wanted. 

You just shook your head in response and continued where you left off. Spending the night rolling around in his bed, sharing tender and notso tender moments, and making you forget all of the times you wished you hadn’t come over. 

The sun rises in the east, the morning light shining through Heeseung’s bedroom window as your eyes flutter open, the soreness in your legs and back and marks on your neck serving as a reminder of the events of last night. You stretch the events of the night before away as you flip over to the middle of the bed, realizing that Heeseung’s presence was absent. 

Finding your way to his dining room as you see he’s cooking something in the kitchen. The dull air in his apartment almost suffocates you as you approach him, his head slightly turning in your direction when he senses your presence. “Hey, I’m almost done with breakfast. Hope you’re cool with-” Heeseung begins but you interrupt him, knowing what he was already cooking up, “ramyeon?” you say, the two of you chuckling together as you finish his sentence for him. 

“Am I that predictable?” he says with a laugh. “Mmm just a bit.” you say teasingly but you were only half joking. Knowing that you knew how the day after usually goes, you wake up in his bed alone, you find him making the two of you breakfast, and before the clock strikes noon you’re on your way back home with the weight of last night and every other night before that stacked onto your shoulders. 

An endless cycle that has been going on for the last 3 years that you just couldn’t break. 

“Y/N? You hungry?” Heeseung asks and you blink away your thoughts when you realize he’s calling out to you, already sitting at his dining table with two bowls and two sets of chopsticks laid next to him. Steam floating above the boiling pot of ramyeon. 

“What are we?” you abruptly ask Heeseung, shutting his eyes with a sigh as he tries to gather his thoughts for a conversation he doesn’t necessarily want to have. “Really? This again, Y/N?” Heeseung asks, clearly annoyed by your question. “Why can’t you ever just leave it? Let us have what we have without putting a label on things?” Heeseung continues, each word creating a crack in your already brokenheart. 

“And what exactly is that Heeseung? Hmm? What do we have?” you ask, emphasizing the word have like you were testing him because to you, you had something more than Heeseung would admit. He scoffs at your remark, not having an answer but he deflects, turning it back onto you. “See, this is why I can’t commit to you. You want so much out of me and I told you that I just wanted something casual!” Heeseung says, his voice getting louder when yours was barely above a whisper. 

“So is that what this is… casual?” you ask and although he doesn’t give you a verbal response, his actions were enough as he averts his eyes away from your gaze, not wanting to make eye contact with you. “Right…” you say, retreating to his bedroom to grab the small amount of things you brought, planning to leave and not turn back. 

“Where are you going?” Heeseung says, getting up from his seat at the dining table, the pot of ramyeon getting colder the longer this goes on. “Anywhere else but here.” you say, brushing past him as he tries to block you from leaving. 

“None. NONE! Of this was ever casual and you know that.” you say as you stare blankly at his front door. Afraid that if you looked at him you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself from crying but you felt the tears welling in your eyes as you slipped your shoes on. “We’ve met each other’s parents. I went to your brother’s birthday party, you bought my mom a birthday cake, I to- took you to my dad’s gravestone…” you say, your voice breaking at the last part of your sentence. 

“If that was casual, then I’m an idiot.” you say, tears falling from your eyes as you hurriedly leave his apartment, leaving him stunned as he stood staring at his front door left ajar. 

A choice you had to make even if you didn’t want to. 

Telling yourself that you couldn’t keep doing this with Heeseung even if you never stopped wanting him.

copyright 2024 - present © hoonieyun all rights reserved

all writing here is fiction & not in any association with characters mentioned.

[chaos-mix]

The Choices the Stars Make - 14th Doctor x reader

Summary: The Doctor promised you the stars when all you ever wanted was him. What happens when he’s finally ready to settle down? Will he reach out and try again?

Word count: 818

~~~~~~~~

You pull your blanket up higher as you turn to watch the stars shinning through the living room window. It does little to soothe the aching of your heart as your mind keeps spinning in “What ifs?”. What if you hadn’t left the doctor? What if you hadn’t asked him to stay?

You shake your head at the unfairness of the situation, turning your back on the cold stars, facing your laptop screen.

You squint at the brightness. The universe has never been fair. It wasn’t when you watched people crying out for your help die, and neither was it when you were forced to confess your true feelings to the Doctor. His discomfort and shift in body language did not surprise you, nor did his lack of touch in the weeks that followed. You just wish he hadn’t taken all of the joy of the night sky with him when you left.

Focus. You told yourself, but your heart sunk further, your fingertips getting cold on the plastic mousepad.

Observational Astronomy. A dry laugh forces its way out of your chest, making you feel hollow. You used to dance around the surfaces of planets, experience the sights never seen, the Tardis translating the x-ray and ultraviolet light spectrum for your eyes to witness true beauty of nebulas … now you’re finishing up a paper on observational astronomy and the photographs were in black and white. Life is funny like that. It feels like life lost some of the colour too. You wish it wasn’t 2am, life is easier to handle when you don’t have to stay up at night to work on something. Especially something that reminds you of him. Days are easier, warmth is easier. Warmth reminds you of joy of adventure, his hands, the kindness. Not his eyes when he left you.

~~~~~~~~

The Doctor did not seek you out. He did not wander the streets close to your house for too long. He did, however, made sure that no threats lingered close to your apartment at all times.

At least until his old face returned.

Oh so many regrets felt thrown back at his face. What he wasn’t able to give. The loved ones he lost… He grieved Rose for a long, long time, even after you met him. That same grief drove Martha away. Donna… River Song… He should have been able to save them all. How could he protect you if he couldn’t even keep his life as John Smith? And you knew. You saw him fall in love, you saw him live a normal life. He knows he hurt you beyond forgiveness when he grieved his human life and yet, despite all of that grief, did not choose to build one with you.

Seeing Donna again had him longing for the old days. The days of the three of you jumping through the universe, watching the joy on your faces! That was until the Earth got taken over by the Master he forced your feelings out in the open. Doctor could not deal with reliving his past through you. He couldn’t stomach losing you. He couldn’t make Donna go through the same darkness that Martha did when he was still grieving. Not to even mention Time Lord Victorious. His biggest regret. At least you were saved from watching it happen.

But now… now that he did not need to save the universe… now that he had someone else to entrust it to and now that the biggest decision of his day was how to protect the moles from Wilf… maybe he could give you the life you wanted after all.

~~~~~~

Your phone buzzed one day after the lectures and you instinctively answered it, expecting it to be one of your parents checking in. It was a rash decision you made to switch universities, but with all the stress of studying medicine and the flashbacks of lives you couldn’t save, switching to something familiar was an easier choice.

“Hello, yes, I’m still studying astronomy. No, I will not end up starving in the streets when I’m done.”

“…So you decided to study the stars?”

That… was not a voice you expected. Not that you would ever in a million years expect the Doctor to call you. He was someone who buried down feelings. He did not call ex-companions, only companions in trouble called him.

“… Doctor?” You chocked up. Funny. You planned to say so many things during all those sleepless nights and now all you could manage is “Is something wrong?”

On the other end of the line, the Doctor smiled a lopsided smile. It didn’t reach his eyes, but the words warmed his hearts. He still had time to turn back. He could run away and never look back.

But that soft kindness in your voice, even after all these years…

“Would you have some time to meet an old friend?”

[backtothefanfiction]

Nothing Good Ever Happens After 2am | Joel & Tommy Miller Imagine

Summary: You’re trying your best to be faithful…. But it’s Joel… it’s always Joel.

Warnings: 18+, smut, cheating, angst, jealousy, unresolved history and feelings, arguing, very complicated relationships, p in v, hate sex, mentions of previous baby scare

A/N: Looks like we are going for a part 3 kids. This is a follow up to Insecure and The Miller Boys. Gosh this relationship just keeps getting messier and messier. These are late night writes so expect a couple mistakes here or there (particularly tense, I’m already editing a book, I can’t be bothered to take the time to fully edit this too) Anyway, enjoy.

It’s not easy having them both around; especially when Tommy wants to pick up right where he left off with his older brother like no time has passed at all. You eat meals together. Tommy shows Joel around every inch of the home the two of you have built together these last few months- and that’s all well and good. But when Tommy tells Joel about the baby scare you had that ultimately made you a couple, you finally see red.

You tried to keep it in. It’s his brother for Christ sake, of course he would tell him about one of the biggest most defining moments in his life. Besides Tommy doesn’t know your past with Joel. Doesn’t know that you fucked his brother first. Lived with his brother first. Cooked him his favourite meals. Washed his clothes. Read him to sleep at night when he couldn’t drift off. And he couldn’t know; so you swallowed your pride and kept your mouth shut. You and Tommy helped Joel and Ellie move into rooms in the house next door to you for the duration of their stay. But it’s 2am now and you still can’t sleep. All you can see when you close your eyes is the look on Joel’s face the moment Tommy told him about the baby.

You look up to the dark ceiling above you as you anxiously folded your arms back over the covers for what you were sure had to be the twelfth time. Tommy let out a small grunt in his sleep as he shifted onto his back, but as his mouth fell open and a few gentle snores slipped past his lips, you knew he was sound asleep and probably would remain that way until morning.

Restless, you finally got up, making your way quietly downstairs for a nightcap, in hopes it would help you finally quiet your thoughts so you could get some sleep. Your fingers shake as you unscrew the cap on the bottle of whiskey you kept hidden at the back of the cupboard for emergencies. You reached for a mug off the draining board and decanted two fingers of whiskey into it. Then another two. And a little bit more until the mug was half full.

You nervously knocked back half of it, hoping the feeling of it burning its way down the back of your throat would snap you out of things- but it didn’t. Frustrated, you slumped into one of the kitchen chairs, slamming your mug of whiskey down onto the table a little too firmly, as you settled in the seat. You couldn’t help but release the groan that had been buried deep in your chest from the moment your ears heard his voice this afternoon. The memory of it and your current reality suddenly made you angry and once again you found yourself fighting the urge to break items in your kitchen because of Joel fucking Miller. He was the ghost that just kept haunting you. The what if that wouldn’t go away. Now you knew he was Tommy’s brother, it only made things worse.

Fuck. You needed something stronger than this bottle of whiskey. It was moments like these that you’d really kill for some nicotine, the memory of the habit you picked up in your early 20s really coming back to haunt you. Heck, even some of Tanner’s weed would be good right now, but unfortunately you were all out. So instead you poured yourself another shot of whiskey and continued to drink.

Next thing you knew, three shots turned into four and that house next door is starting to look more and more enticing. It’s like it’s whispering to you, “All your answers are here. Just come over and get them.”

Then you see his bedroom light turn on. Then all sense and reason goes out the window. You have to know. What he meant when he said “You know I loved you.” Because no you didn’t. Because he never told you. He never said he loved you. He didn’t fight for you to stay. And now… now he just shows up here to your new life, sees you with his own brother and suddenly he has the guts to say it. Uh uh, no.

Then you remember his face when Tommy told him about the baby. The look he gave you the moment his brother’s back was turned. You saw his shadow move past the window across the street and it was like the final straw.

You rose to your feet and stepped out into the cold and across the yard to the kitchen door of the house next door, not becoming the slightest bit deterred when the kitchen light suddenly flickered on. As you stepped into its pool of light, you didn’t run away like a rat caught in the kitchen after dark. If anything it gave you more purpose.

He wasn’t surprised when you suddenly threw open the door and marched into the house. He simply took one look at you, spotted the look on your face and turned and closed the kitchen door, in hopes you wouldn’t wake Ellie in the room upstairs.

“It’s late.” He says.

“Yeah, I can’t sleep.” You huff.

“So you thought you’d come over here and…. What?” He asks, folding his arms across his chest nonchalantly, the glass he had got out for some water, discarded on the countertop behind him. “Come on then honey, spit it out. What was your bright idea?” He says again growing slightly irritated when your brain struggles to form words to his question.

But you still don’t have them. Instead you have the urge to break something. Your hand feels itchy with the drunken adrenaline coursing through your body and before you know it, instead of using your words and giving him an answer, you’re striding across the room and smacking him around the face.

Your chest heaves as you freeze in shock at what you’ve just done. You’ve caught him off guard and slapped him so hard his head has turned to the side. But as his hand moves to cup his face and your initial shock wears off, you realise it felt good… and you kind of want to do it again. When his eyes meet yours, it’s like he can read your mind and knows. In a way, he feels like he probably deserves your wrath too. You watch as the look in his eye changes, daring you to do it again. So you do, this time smacking an even mark on his other cheek.

His eyes grow darker and you move to do it again, but this time his hand catches your wrist, stopping you before it can make contact. You’re both frozen, your emotions too high, short circuiting your brains and preventing words from entering this little late night meeting.

Your heart is pounding in your chest as you scan his eyes for all those words that don’t seem to make it from his brain to his lips. His eyes make one daring glance to your mouth, before he’s pulling you the last of the distance between you, into him. His lips attack yours, stealing what he feels is so rightfully his, as his arm snakes around your lower back to hold you in place; your body flush to his body.

His kiss is bruising and desperate and screams all the words he’s not been able to say since even long before you left.

Although his touch satiated the need you’d had for him that’s always been there in the back of your mind, ever since that day you left, the thought of your boyfriend- his own brother- currently asleep in the house next door only pours fuel onto the fire of your anger and irritation. But you can’t part from him. He had always had a hunger and fierceness that matched your own and in this moment you needed it. You needed him.

You both hastily moved towards the table as your fingers clawed at one another and as he lifted you up and slammed you forcefully down onto the table, your fingers reached for the button and zipper of his jeans he seemed to be sleeping in. He grunted against your mouth as your hand reached into his pants and tugged forcefully at his length.

At your boldness, he wasted no time in reaching to pull down the pyjama bottoms you wore, the rough pads of his fingertips, moving to circle your clit and glide through the slick he found just beneath. You hated how good his touch made you feel. The instant shudder up pleasure that sparked through your core and you bit down forcefully on his lip and he grunted, his hips thrusting you back into the table harder, the hard edge of it pinching the back of your thighs.

Desperately, he pulled you closer to the edge of the table, lining himself up with you and entering you with one splitting thrust as he claimed you like you were his to take whenever he wanted- like you always would be. You broke your kiss to look at him in shock and fury, but you didn’t push him away. Your fingers fought for purchase on his shoulders as he began to thrust into you at a wicked pace and your nails dig into the flesh of his shoulders as you tried to ride the storm in his eyes. It was like you couldn’t look away from each other as he fisted his hand up into your hair, gripping it tightly, forcing you to keep that eye contact with him as he pounded into you.

It was rough and hard and just what you needed, but you didn’t cry out- didn’t moan into his mouth like you used to. This wasn’t that kind of sex. This was possessive and dominating and a battle of wills, to see just who would break first. To see how far this would really go. Like a sick game of chicken to see who would back out or finish first.

As if he realised, his thumb moved back to circle your clit adding extra pressure and driving you insane and you had to bite down on your lower lip with a hiss just to keep yourself from breaking. But you also knew why he did it. He was close, you could tell. Had been with him enough times to know his little quirks when he was about to let go- and he knew you knew it too, but still you didn’t push him away.

“Don’t you dare cum in me Joel,” you snarled in warning, but it only made his eyebrow quirk up, as if to ask if that was a challenge.

“Joel.” You said again firmly.

“Don’t say my name like that Darlin’ or you know I will,” he teased back and it made you panic.

His hips grew sloppy and you knew he was gonna blow any thrust. One- two-

You quickly pushed him away and he came on the very edge of the table just between your legs with a grunt, his eyes closing firmly as his cock twitched, some of his cum hitting the inside of your thigh.

“Are you fucking crazy!” You spat at him venomously as you hopped off the table and landed both of your hands on his chest.

“Me?” He tried to growl, but it stammered in his chest as he tried to come down from his climax. But as he swallowed that false start back down, his voice grew firmer as he snarled, “You’re the one who marched over here drunk and decided to wrap their hands around my cock.”

“I fucking hate you!” You snarled back, your hands hitting his chest again as he attempted to stuff himself back into his pants.

“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that, honey. Whatever helps you sleep next to my brother at night.”

You snatched your pyjama bottoms back up off the floor, pulling them up around your waist and moving to walk back out the kitchen door. “Fuck you, Joel.” You spat back to him as you opened the door and made to step through it.

You wanted to be the one to have the last word, but you’d barely made it past the threshold when he called back to you, “You just did!”

You slammed the door behind you, rising to his final comment as the guilt began to swirl in your stomach. What the fuck had you just done? And how the heck were you supposed to just climb back into bed next to your boyfriend, when you could still feel his brother’s cum, tacky on the inside of your leg?

[mi-rae07]

Jung Wooyoung : As Good As You Were (Part 1/4)

Pairing : Jung Woo-young (Ateez) and named character (Shin Naeun)

_____________________

Synopsis : Naeun saved wooyoung's family years ago by agreeing to hold up their failing company, in return for wooyoung's hand in marriage. She wanted a stable life, a loving husband, kids, and her work at the company as CEO. While wooyoung wanted to travel the world, fall in love with an artist somewhere and continue his career in photography. The corporate life was not for him. Until Naeun married him, shackling him into a life he had always hated, and so began wooyoung's hatred for his own wife. And three years later, it still continues.

But will it stay this way forever? Or will Naeun's love for wooyoung make him change?

___________________

Naeun entered her house after having had a terrible day at work, feeling like she could fall on the floor right this second and go to sleep. She lazily took off her shoes, walking towards the living room as she almost flinched at the sight of wooyoung sitting on the couch with a blank face. Naeun frowned, turning on the lights as she asked

Naeun : why aren't you asleep yet, young-ah?

Wooyoung didn't even bother looking at his wife as he said in a low tone

Wooyoung : couldn't.

Naeun sat next to wooyoung on the couch, wooyoung immediately feeling annoyed and uncomfortable, which naeun noticed. It hurt her, as it always had for the past 3 years, but she could never blame wooyoung, not when she loved him with all her heart. This marriage of theirs was forged, forged for the sake of lifting wooyoung's family's company from it's ruins. And naeun had enough and more money and connections to make that possible. Hence why wooyoung's father offered naeun his son's hand in marriage, and she accepted it despite knowing how much wooyoung hated her. She didn't know why he hated her, but he always had.

Naeun : do you need help?

Wooyoung : no, just let me be.

Naeun looked away, wishing wooyoung would ask her to sleep with him someday in hopes to get rid of his insomnia. Knowing wooyoung's hate towards her, naeun had always kept her distance from wooyoung in order to not make him uncomfortable, and hence they had different rooms. Except wooyoung didn't know naeun would sneak into his room at night just to stare at him sleeping.

Naeun : I…I heard magnolia tea helps with insomnia-

Wooyoung : I don’t want your tea.

Naeun : well you don't have to have…mine. I can order it from some place outside or ask someone else to make it for you.

Wooyoung : at 2am?

Naeun : it doesn't matter to me if it's for you, wooyoung.

Wooyoung rolled his eyes, looking away as he said

Wooyoung : stop with all the façade, naeun-shi. I do not really care.

Naeun : it's not…never mind.

Wooyoung leaned against the sofa, closing his eyes as he inhaled deeply. Naeun looked at the man she could basically die for, wishing she could have what every other woman seemed to get from their partners, love, reassurance, or even just smiles.

Naeun : can you give me a hug?

Wooyoung opened his eyes at the absurd request, looking at naeun with a sharp gaze.

Naeun : n-no?

Wooyoung : what the hell are you-

Naeun : no I uh-it's fine, doesn't matter.

Naeun stood up from her place, picking her bag up as she whispered

Naeun : call me if you need anything, good night.

Naeun turned around and left, climbing up the stairs knowing wooyoung wouldn't say anything back to her. Every night for 3 years she had wished him goodnight and he would only look at her with an annoyed gaze, looking as if he wished she would disappear. And so she was used to it now, as she was to everything else.

Naeun plopped down on her bed with a shaky breath, not even bothering to change her clothes as she stared up at the ceiling. She ran her hands through the sheet around her, feeling it empty as it always had been for her. There was no one who had ever held her close, showered her with love or even told her some words of appreciation. She had been alone her entire life.

Naeun closed her eyes as she felt a tear escape from the corner of her eyes, scrunching the sheet with her hand as she tried going to sleep.

_________________________

Naeun walked down the stairs next morning, fixing her suit properly. She walked into the kitchen and noticed wooyoung cooking, knowing he was only cooking for himself as he always was. And so naeun opened the fridge, pulling out a cold salad as she picked up the spoon and started eating it quickly.

Wooyoung turned around, eyeing the cold salad with disappointed eyes as he asked

Wooyoung : what the fuck is that?

Naeun looked up at wooyoung, feeling a smile spread on her lips at his question. Wooyoung rarely ever asked her questions, she felt happy when he would so much as talk to her without her somehow forcing him to.

Naeun : cold salad!

Wooyoung didn't understand why naeun was feeling so cheerful about it.

Wooyoung : how the hell do you have that and be happy with it?

Naeun : I don't have food to enjoy it, I have food just so I can have energy and not die. It has no other value to me than that.

Wooyoung stared at naeun, not finding it normal for someone to not eat anything they actually liked despite being this rich.

Naeun : that's why I don't have a favorite food, it's all just bland to me.

Wooyoung stared at naeun as she smiled, going back to eating her food. Wooyoung sighed, turning around to his pancakes as he flipped them over. Shin naeun was more different than he thought she was.

__________________________

Naeun sighed as she leaned against the chair in her office, picking up her phone as she called up wooyoung. She always would, every single day, to make sure he was fine. Sometimes he picked up, sometimes he didn't. She wished he would today, her work was even more tiring this afternoon.

Wooyoung : what is it?

Naeun felt a smile spread on her lips at his voice as she asked her usual question

Naeun : did you have your lunch, woo?

Wooyoung : no.

Naeun : wooyoung-ah, it's 2pm, go have something to eat. It's unhealthy-

Wooyoung : I'll have it when I want to. Are you done?

Naeun : don't you…wanna know if I ate?

Wooyoung : what difference does that make to me?

Naeun sighed, tapping her heels under the table as she said

Naeun : okay then. Have a good day at work! I'll see you back at home.

Wooyoung cut the call without saying anything more, making naeun let out a breath as she kept the phone away. She wished someone cared. Just as she was about to go back to work, the door opened, revealing her mother-in-law. Naeun's eyes widened as she stood up, bowing.

Naeun : eomma, hello. I didn't realize you'd be visiting today.

Wooyoung's mother chuckled and entered the room, closing the door behind her as she said

Mrs jung : aigoo, you're my daughter, you don't have to be so formal. Sit back down, I've brought you your favorite.

Naeun : kimchi rice?

Mrs jung : indeed.

She placed the packet on the desk before sitting opposite naeun, opening the packet for her with a smile.

Mrs jung : was that wooyoung on the phone?

Naeun : it was.

Mrs jung : let me guess, you called him first again.

Naeun smiled, mumbling a thank you as she started eating the rice. She didn't have a favorite food and found all food mostly bland, but since she noticed eating her food made wooyoung's mother happy, naeun ate it obediently.

Mrs jung : when are you going to tell him what you feel, naeun-ah.

Naeun : he probably already knows, eomma.

Mrs jung : then why isn't he saying anything?

Naeun : because he has nothing to say. Your son doesn't really love me, eomma, it's already known. He's just doing all this because he has to.

Mrs jung : you deserve so much better.

Naeun : I don't want anything better, I love your son. Whether he loves me or not, it doesn't matter to me.

Wooyoung's mother smiled and was about to say something when she paused, coughing hard. Naeun looked up from her food, eyeing her mother-in-law worriedly.

Naeun : eomma? Are you-

Naeun cut herself off as she saw mrs jung's eyes slowly closing, making naeun stand up as she rushed to her mother-in-law's side.

Naeun : oh no no, no don't close your eyes.

But it was too late, she had already gone unconscious.

_________________________

Wooyoung rushed into the hospital, panting as he stopped right in front of the emergency room. Wooyoung was about to push the door open when he felt someone hold his arm, pulling him back.

Wooyoung : let me go!

Naeun : no, you can't enter right now, wooyoung. Please, wait for a while.

Wooyoung breathed heavily, glaring at naeun before asking in a harsh tone

Wooyoung : did you do something to her?

Naeun looked at wooyoung with hurt eyes, taking her hand away from wooyoung's as she said

Naeun : wooyoung. How could I ever.

Wooyoung : how would I know, hmm? You married me when I didn't want to, you forced us together. How would I know the other things you must be capable of?

Naeun : stop.

Wooyoung : she was with you last, wasn't she?

Naeun : wooyoung! I've only ever cared for you and loved you even when I was at my worst. For you to think that I would ever do something to harm your own mother!

Wooyoung : I do not trust you, shin naeun.

Naeun : then don't!

Wooyoung stared at naeun as she looked away, clenching her hands as she said

Naeun : it's not like you've ever trusted me in the first place. You've never loved me, never cared for me, never so much as talked to me. Every single time I try to, you look at me with those eyes of yours, the one that makes me feel like shit. I'm trying, wooyoung, I'm fucking trying even when I can't anymore.

Wooyoung : and that's my fault? You wouldn't have had to try so hard if you didn't fucking marry me!

Naeun : I didn't have a choice, wooyoung! Your company-

Wooyoung : I do not fucking care about that company, let it burn to hell for all I care!

Naeun : I-

Wooyoung : god just stop talking for fuck's sake. I'm tired of your bullshit, naeun, fucking done and tired. At this point I wish I would've just gone bankrupt years ago.

Naeun flinched at that, wondering whether she was that bad. So bad to the point it was better going bankrupt than being with her.

She looked up as she heard the door opening, a few doctors stepping out as wooyoung rushed to them, asking questions. As soon as naeun heard the fact that her mother-in-law was okay, she turned around, walking out of the hospital without saying anything more.

She shut the car door behind her, putting her hands on the steering wheel as she banged her head against it with a small sob.

Why was it so hard for someone to love her? Why was she the only one who kept trying?

___________________________

Wooyoung looked up as he heard his mother groan, quickly holding her hand in his as he whispered

Wooyoung : eomma?

Mrs jung : son.

Wooyoung : are you alright? Should I call the doctor-

Mrs jung : no, no I'm fine. Where's naeun?

Wooyoung : I don't know.

Mrs jung : wooyoung, she's your wife.

Wooyoung : she left, eomma. I didn't have time to find her out while you were lying here.

Mrs jung : did you tell her something?

Wooyoung : no.

Mrs jung : don't lie to me.

Wooyoung sighed as he said

Wooyoung : fine, I did. I asked her whether she did something to you, whether that was the reason you were here. Among…many other things.

Wooyoung's mother let out a disappointed scoff, taking her hand away from wooyoung's as she said

Mrs jung : do you ever not feel ashamed, wooyoung? Not once? For how you're treating that poor woman?

Wooyoung : poor woman? Eomma, she forced me to marry her, do you not remember? I wanted to travel the world, continue my career as a photographer. Instead she married me, shackled me to that stupid company that I wanted to escape from and ruined my dreams. You want me to treat her as a princess for all that she has done?

Mrs jung : she married you to save our family name-

Wooyoung : I didn't want that, eomma. I told her I didn't need it, and yet she went along with it anyway.

Mrs jung : that was your father's choice, wooyoung, not hers. He asked her to marry you in return for her resources.

Wooyoung : she could've declined that offer, she had a choice too. Instead she was selfish and took the wrong one.

Mrs jung : I will never win with you, my son. Only you can tell yourself what's right and what's not. I've tried, for years I've tried to tell you to value your wife and love her while you can. One day, you'll lose her and you'll regret everything. And then you'll come to me, crying and begging for the forgiveness that is not mine to give. And when that day comes, I'll know I've lost not only my daughter, but also my son.

______________________________

Wooyoung walked into the living room hours later after having made sure his mother was taken care of at the hospital, realizing that naeun was lying fast asleep on one of the sofas, her figure looking uncomfortable and her work clothes still not changed. Her face was red, she had cried. And after all that, she was still waiting for him?

"One day, you'll lose her and you'll regret everything. And then you'll come to me, crying and begging for the forgiveness that is not mine to give"

Wooyoung walked closer to her, kneeling on the floor as he stared at her. He could still never wrap his head around as to why naeun had agreed to help someone like him, her family had no ties of connection to his, and he didn't even know naeun until the day she offered to help them. Why then…why did she help them then?

Naeun : wooyoung?

Wooyoung flinched as he realized naeun was now awake, her slowly sitting up on the sofa with sleepy red eyes. Wooyoung opened his mouth and was about to say something when she quickly said

Naeun : I'm sorry.

Wooyoung : what?

Naeun : for what I said today afternoon, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said things like that to you when your mom was lying in the hospital. Your eyes they're…they're beautiful. And when you look at me, no matter how your eyes are or-or whatever I still love it. I didn't mean what I said, so please don't stop looking at me. I'm so sorry.

Wooyoung felt his heart drop at how naeun sounded, a wife was begging her husband to so much as look at her? All naeun said today afternoon was true, all of this was wooyoung's fault. It was him who hadn't loved her, trusted her or cared for her even when she'd given her entire life to him. It was him who should be apologizing, instead she was doing it.

Wooyoung : naeun, you don't have to be sorry.

Naeun looked visibly taken aback.

Wooyoung : none of this is your fault, I shouldn't have talked to you like that.

Naeun : um, what?

Wooyoung : what you said was true, I haven't been a husband to you at all, let alone a good one. While you've done your duties the best as you can in return for nothing. You should never have to apologize to me, naeun.

Naeun : I didn't do those things out of the duty for you, wooyoung, I did it because of love. Because I love you.

Wooyoung felt the breath leave his body, his eyes wide. He could utter nothing, she had never told him she loved him like this, although he almost always knew.

Naeun : I have always loved you, since the second I married you. I offered that…that help out of the love for you. And I agreed to marry you for the same reason. And I thought maybe after we married and spent some time together you'd love me too but I suppose I wasn't good enough for that-

Wooyoung : how could you love someone like me? When I've given you nothing-

Naeun : if you love someone because of what they give you then that isn't really love, wooyoung. What I have for you is immaterial, you don't have to give me anything for me to love you. Ever, this isn't a business deal.

Wooyoung pressed his lips together, his eyes lowering not knowing what to say. Naeun sighed, patting wooyoung's back as she said

Naeun : it's okay, you don't really have to say anything to me, young-ah. I know that you feel nothing of that towards me, and I am fine with that. As long as I can love you, I'm okay with you not loving me the same.

Naeun stood up as wooyoung watched his wife walk away to her room, her figure slouched from how tired she was and the bad position she had been sleeping in. wooyoung let out a shaky breath, falling back against the sofa as he shut his eyes.

She deserved much better, maybe he should just become better? Maybe he should just give her a chance?

_____________________________

[frogofalltime]

i am having such a Bad Time recently and i don't know what to do :(

autistic burnout really sucks, at first i thought it was because i was struggling with my mental health, and then i thought it was the effect of starting new meds. but it has been months now and i still have no energy, i can't concentrate in class or motivate myself to do anything.

i feel so tired all the time. when i don't have to get up early i stay in bed until past noon, and when i do have to get up early i nap the rest of the day. even though i normally like going outside for walks and things it's been So Hard to even get dressed let alone leave my room. i've been trying to shower more regularly because my eczema is acting up but i feel like that's making it even itchier for some reason.

i haven't gone out or seen a human for a few days. i have three flatmates but i don't know them very well and i've been actively avoiding all of them. the last time i did leave the house i instantly was overwhelmed, i almost had a meltdown in public and had to rush home and sit in my room in the dark to calm down. i keep forgetting to eat and missing important things like doctors appointments and lectures. my room is a mess and i finally did my laundry after almost a month but it took all my energy to do that.

right now it's 2am and i can't sleep at all. my stomach hurts, in fact my whole body aches because my sensory issues are so bad recently and i'm filled with a wave of horrible dysphoria. i feel like my body is completely Wrong and i would do Anything At All to make it Right, but there's nothing i can do for at least five years, because the waiting lists for everything are so long. and that's if i can even get away with it without my parents knowing. and then the recovery after surgery sounds like such a nightmare, even though i know it will be worth it, it scares me nonetheless.

it's so late at night, why am i thinking about this now ? i really can't cope, i have to get up for class early in the morning and i am seriously considering just skipping it :(

i wish i could have a break because i clearly need it. but i can't because if i take a week off from studying, then i have to go visit family so i can't study in that time (which will also be hell because family gatherings are the Worst and i will have to dress differently and they will all be misgendering me and calling me the wrong name and i can't correct them because it isn't safe for me to come out to them). and then i will have to cram for my exams after that and it will be so stressful to get everything done in such a short period.

oh also i missed 8 days of fasting in ramadan so i need to make up for those now that the days are short but my mental health is still bad despite the medication and i have had a Literal Eating Disorder for the past ten years i can't handle it anymore and i hate all of this

[superpositvecloudshipper]

Anthony lockwood x injured reader

Taglist-@givemea-dam-break

(sorry I couldn't find a. Gender neutral pic so I just went with this one also I don't draw it)

Y/n's pov:

Urgh your head felt like it was splitting open your legs felt like they were going to snap in half and your side burned.

It was quite obvious your case hadn't gone well you had ignored the others protests and snuck of to do a solo case you had made it back now at around 2am so hopefully no one would notice and you could clean yourself up and go to bed. But of course as you entered the house and walked past the living room you saw lockwood sitting in a chair arms folded ankle balenced over his knee. "hey" you said quietly not making eye contact even though you could feel his stare burning into the front of your face.

"why did you go alone?" "We all told you not to". He spoke smoothly standing up and walking over to you placing one hand under your chin and tilting it up to look into his dark eyes. "I'm sorry but I just wanted yo earn a little money and help that poor family before anyone else got hurt."

You had met the family their eldest son had been ghost locked and almost killed by an angry type two wraith you couldn't stand the thought of the family being forced to stay their and suffer so you had gone despite having no information and it all being rushed. This meant it was no surprise that there had been more than three angry type tows you had been thrown out a window gotten smashed onto a glass cabinet and fallen down several flights of stairs. You where very lucky not to have broken anything buy your entire body was sore and stiff and you didn't know if you could cope with being lectured right now. Seemingly sensing that lockwood grabbed a first aid kit that had been purposefully set on the table next to the couch and pulled you down next to him.

Anthony's pov:

They seem very hurt I won't lecture them until tommorow I don't want them getting more stressed out I will just patch them up and get them to have some rest. "Y/n please take of your jacket and lift up your shirt" I say as carefully as I can helping them remove some of their clothes leaving them in their bra/shirtless I blushes slightly red at seeing them like this they had faint scars running over their body but I focused on the new cuts gently cleaning and covering in gauze. As I cleaned the rest of their cuts they yawned. "y/n you need to sleep let's get you to bed"

Y/n's pov:

From all the events tonight I know I won't sleep even though I'm exhausted I will have horrid nightmares of losing him I can't not tonight so I sleepily shake my head. Lockwood stands up gently but forcefully pulling me with him as I protest as we walk up the stairs u suddenly notice that we aren't in mh room but his. He walks over to his cabenit pulls out a soft grey sweatshirt and gently chucks it to me. "is this for me?" you ask confused.

"yes silly now since your insistent on not getting sleep you may aswell lay down with me since you and I both know its the nightmares that are stopping your sleep so maybe if your with me I can stop them." you blush a little as you pull on the shirt lockwood let's you change out of your trousers and pull on some of your sleeping shorts you left in here(he's let you in a couple times before)

"thank you Anthony" you say quietly as you settle next to him after you've both changed

"don't worry about it n/n I'm always here for you" he says before pulling you close as you relax and let yourself succumb to sleep as lockwood does aswell. Tommorow you will both fight over what happend and what you should and shouldn't be allowed to do but for now your both safe and have each other and that's all that matters.

Hope you enjoyed comment for a part 2 and jut for general support or ideas you have. Have a great day/night xx @givemea-dam-break

[ask-aurachnid]

Back to Earth

Part 1: Tricks and Illusions Part 2: Proceed With Caution Part 3: Enter, Punisher

[TW: hallucinations. Descriptions of psychosis]

Word Count: ~830

◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇

Frankie forces their breath to stay steady as the silence stretches out. The voices aren't saying much anymore, but they're certainly not quiet. Accusations and warnings have given way to a cacophony of overlapping whispers that do nothing but make Frankie's ears itch. It's like the worst ASMR track they've ever heard. It's an improvement, but not by much.

"How long've you been curled up like that, kid?"

Frankie shrugs, gaze fixed on the floor. There's a cramp in their right calf and their hips have locked up. "I dunno. A while."

"Looks uncomfortable."

Frankie shrugs again.

"You don't have to come out yet, but do you think you could try stretching your legs out?"

Frankie nods, and Castle moves over so they have enough room. They both wince as Frankie's joints pop, loud and painful. It hurts and the morning aches are sure to be hell, but it's better. Frankie hadn't realized how compressed they'd been until they finally get a decent breath. Ouch, they'd forgotten about the cracked ribs.

The whispers crescendo for a moment and Frankie scrubs at their ears with their palms, grumbling in frustration. It's not fair that hallucinations can trigger their sensory issues. They're not even real!

"You alright?"

Frankie huffs and drops their hands. "Whispers make my ears feel itchy. I hate that noise."

Castle looks confused, but doesn't ask them to explain. Good, because Frankie's thoughts are more like macaroni than spaghetti at the moment with no threads to follow.

"What are five things you can see right now?" he asks.

Oh, this sounds familiar.

"Um– My legs? The floor?" There's a blue stain on the wood by their knee.

Castle nods and waits for them to continue.

"The cup and my bed."

"One more, kiddo."

"Nicky." She's slumped forward at the table, breathing evenly with her face smushed into her arms. Her hair looks like blood, so Frankie takes a deep breath and blinks really hard. It looks like hair again.

"What about four things you can hear?"

"You mean other than the voices?" Frankie asks bluntly. It makes Castle laugh.

"Yes, other than that."

It takes a second for Frankie to focus, to take a deep breath and hear past the incessant whispering.

The lights are yellowy-green. Ancient fluorescent fixtures that flicker just a little bit but Frankie hasn't bothered to replace. They're noisy.

"The lights are buzzing. I hate that sound too," they say. "It's raining outside. I like that noise."

Castle hums.

"Your voice." It sounds like gravel. Crashing waves and rumbling skies. It's nice. "And my neighbor's boom box." Gods, he's an asshole. It's like 2am.

"Good. Now three things you can smell."

Frankie's nose is stuffy, but they do what they're told.

"Sweat," they answer. It smells sour and gross. They feel sticky with it. "I need to shower."

"Nicky's conditioner," it's subtle, especially from across the room, but Frankie catches it. "It's coconut."

Frankie breathes again and wrinkles their nose. "Your jacket smells like Max. He needs a bath."

Castle rolls his eyes, but he's smiling. "Okay then, smart-ass. Take off your gloves and tell me two things you can touch."

There's a prickle of anxiety on Frankie's neck. They ignore it and pull off their gloves. Their hands aren't shaking as much anymore.

"My suit," they say, pinching the fabric between their fingers. "And the wall," they finish, brushing their knuckles along the surface.

"Okay, last one. What can you taste?"

"I dunno, my mouth? That one's dumb."

Castle shrugs. "Maybe. You gonna stay in that corner all night?"

Frankie thinks about it for a minute, biting the inside of their cheek, before shaking their head. The corner is safe, but they can't stay forever. It's lonely and uncomfortable and boring.

Tentatively, Frankie scoots out of the corner. It's a slow process. They're nervous and their body hurts, road rash and bruising making themselves known once more, reminding Frankie that they recently got their ass beat by a megalomaniac wearing a fishbowl on her head. It's a slow process, but Castle waits patiently, and eventually Frankie makes it out into the open.

There's still a foot of space between them, and Frankie doesn't like it so they wrap their fingers around the edge of Castle's sleeve. Their eyes start to water again. Fuck.

"You weren't real before, were you? When you left?" It's phrased like a question, but Frankie knows the answer. They lean their forehead against Castle's arm. "You never called me a parasite."

Castle makes a sad noise. "No, sweetheart. That wasn't real."

"Promise?"

"I promise, Frankie. You're not a parasite, you're my family. Okay? I love you."

Frankie doesn't sob, if only because they're too fucking exhausted. Instead, they clutch tighter to Castle's sleeve and cry.

They cry, and Castle stays, mumbling soothing words and petting over their sweat stiff hair.

"It's gonna be okay. Just let it out. I gotcha, kid," he says, and Frankie believes him.

[3milesup]

Musings of a ground hostess

I have always loved airports, as they were the synonym of holidays. Ever since i live abroad, they have become something even more important: the synonym of going home. Of taking a break from everything.

Which is why, when i hear about "your useless job that doesn't bring you any money and is only going to get you killed on the road, and you only insist on doing it for the glory of working at the airport" i want to kick and punch.

Yes, we are underpaid as hell.

Yes, the 40km drive is tough in the middle of the night, or after the shift when i just want to be in bed already...

And no, in my black pants and white polo and black blazer i have all bought myself, with barely concealed bags beneath my eyes because getting ready for work at 2am my thoughts are a coffee and black tea combo not my make-up, i am nowhere near the glory of the flight attendants strolling past in their colourful uniforms and perfect side caps perfectly sitting on perfect hair... i only have my perfectly-tied-into-a-bow golden company foulard that i spend three minutes in front of the mirror with every day, because it is the only eye-catching, telling sign that i am your person.

But useless no, not ever. Sorry, but no. Yeah, i am the bitch that will make you pay for damned 3kg of excess weight, that won't let you fly with a cabin trolley if your low-cost company doesn't include it in the basic fare, that will make you fish out your power bank from the bottom of the fully packed 20 kg suitcase, that will inform you your flight is in overbooking and you are in standby until the end of the boarding and possibly staying where you are until the next flight... because i have my supervisors and airlines' regulations to abide by. Maybe one day we will become obsolete as well and the AI will do all of this just as good and without discussions. But trust me that until then, the bitch will first try everything, from various advice on how to lower the weight to violently squishing your luggage to make it fit into the small part of the sizer, and all the bothering is for your safety because people have died from certain devices in the checked-in luggage, and even when there is little to nothing to do and it hurts a bit to hear we are disgusting because we sell tickets that don't exist, whereas we have nothing to do at all with any of that overbooking shite, the bitch is there, literally day and night, for you.

For you who take off to golden beaches and turquoise seas i only see in my dreams but i wish you a wonderful holiday with all my heart.

For you who are going home. Because there’s nothing like going home, and sometimes, one only starts to understand it when the home is faraway.

For you, restless souls like me, who always want to get away, to keep moving, and the airport feels like second, third, fourth, umpteenth home (because home is anywhere the loved ones are, therefore in many places...) Now that i feel stuck in one place, i urgently beg of you: never lose your freedom. Never.

And while i work this job, i will never lose that smile the passengers often point our to me, and i only realise when they do, that i actually am grinning... because it's not a face i am wearing, it is joy.

Because the warm shiver up my spine when i manage to help someone with even the smallest thing is priceless.

Because for every frowny or arrogant passenger, there are dozens of those who wish you good work, some give you a candy, or elbow their friend at the gate saying "hey, that's the smiling lady from check-in" and head towards your desk...

And that is a charge of life energy no better-paid, regular-hours, full-time job in sight can give me.

Thank you, travellers.

Yours truly,

check-in agent 3milesup

[dragonnan]

First Sentence Game

Saw this shared by @helloliriels and it looked incredibly fun so here's mine!

Rules: share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag ten people. If you have written less than ten, don’t be shy and share anyway.

1. The Home Visit (Doctor Strange) It smelled cold.

Not like winter – which tasted metallic and fresh at the same time, no. No, this cold had the aroma that was patently October. Black cats and scudding cloud and ripened pumpkins. It was the earthy snap of fallen leaves and the far off sound of hunter's rifles and the call of geese and ducks headed for warmer lands. For many people, Autumn was their favorite time of year. Maybe... once, when he was younger, Stephen could have said the same.

2. We Are Men of Action - Lies Do Not Become Us (Psych - a cross-post of an older fic) Cool, that morning; just on the right side of chilly, actually. Early, even for the early risers. Far too early for a guy who hadn't slept in two days. Far, far too early for that guy's father to demand they share coffee while watching the sun rise over the waves.

3. Sed Diabolus (Avengers WIP) It was a pretty great view. He'd been meaning to check it out; sometime. Those weeks spent in his (new) room; dishes of food going cold at his elbow while he'd sat at his computer and clicked through five years of history that he hadn't lived. Most of the news stories had been about the failing economy; the declaration of martial law around the country, the breakdown of infrastructure. His current roosting spot was exactly the same as it had been the day he'd… dusted. Skyline Tower had been scheduled for completion in 2020. Three years later and, like so many other construction projects, it was an abandoned property with naked I-beams stabbing towards the clouds. It would probably never be finished. Not the way things were, now.

4. The Wizard Was the Wicked Witch and the Scarecrow Lost His Courage (Psych - another cross-post of an older story) It was hot there out on the sidewalk. Getting off the plane – walking through the tunnel back to the airport he'd felt the wave of temperature thud against him, both familiar and a little bit of a let-down. Odd that his destination, so unwelcome after the past week, was a tropical getaway to most everyone else he'd traveled with. He wished he could have stayed longer. But then, he always wished it could be longer.

5. The Holiday is Over (Sherlock) He could no longer track how many days had passed, since he'd been captured and brought to this… hell hole, though he suspected it was close to a month. He'd knelt in the snow, once he'd realized there had been nowhere left to run; collapsed, really. He'd been on Moran's trail for weeks and had scarcely stopped for rest or food. It had caught up to him at the worst possible time.

6. Like Some Sort of Parable (Sherlock) The cab, carrying his best friend, along with his new fiance’, had long since been swallowed by the night. Sniffing, wincing at the pain in his nose, Sherlock tossed the bloody serviette before walking to the kerb to hail his own ride. He winced again upon raising his hand and felt the tug of the motion through his back.

7. The Fire in Which We Burn (Sherlock WIP) “I just wanted to let you know that... well, Dennis is scheduled to be released this afternoon. I didn't find out myself until twenty minutes ago. I know he was meant to be in longer but... well we both know the justice system is a joke. Listen... call me, alright? Let me know... I'm here if you need me, yeah? Christ. Just, look after yourself, Molly. I'll talk to you soon.”

8. If You Want this Choice Position Have a Cheery Disposition (Sherlock) Barred from any investigations requiring footwork, forced to once more suffer the restrictions of a sling for another three weeks, Sherlock could feel the restlessness like ants in his skin.

9. A Faun at Baker Street (Sherlock) It had all started in Dartmoor.

It had been nearly been 2am by the time they'd finished up at the field and had staggered back to the hotel. Sherlock had left hours earlier so John had offered to remain behind with Greg while they had filled in the local constabulary; a greying man a year out from retirement along with his replacement-in-training.

10. Your Loss Would Break My Heart (Sherlock) He could have taken the helicopter but, quite frankly, he had needed the drive in order to structure what he would say to them. Though, even as he pulled the sleek vehicle into the drive; gravel snapping and popping beneath the narrow tyres, he was no more prepared than he'd been when he'd left London. After turning off the engine he hung back for a beat – hands gripped around the wheel.

Tagging (no pressure): @ariaadagio @aelaer @ceruleanmindpalace @kitcat992 @hanuko @sgam76 @disappearinginq @itsjustdg as well as anyone else who'd like to participate :)

[kass-storycorner]

Mentally I’m getting worse again (tho I try to do all the stuff I learned from two years in therapy to … prevent it from getting bad bad ), so I’ve only been thinking about how some of the Genshin characters would comfort me? So here have this, whatever this is, that I wrote at 2am on a night before I have 11am shift at work. Using you in all of this but honestly this is 100% self indulgent. I just want someone to cuddle with. Pretty sure most of this isn’t really in character and every point is vastly different from the others but hey, it is what it is. As long as I’m in my current mindset my stuff won’t be any better than this

Genre: fluff, a bit of angst I guess idk man, comfort i hope

Content warnings: depression (?) I don’t go too much into detail, don’t want to write out those negative thoughts HA but you know you are just not in a good spot in these, absolutely inconsistent writing, every character has to deal with a different stage of feeling depressed and yeah

Characters: Diluc, Childe, Albedo, Yoimiya

Fun fact: my app crashed while writing this so thank the tumblr admins that you can restore posts you wrote after the app crashes one of the few good features of the app

Diluc:

Would definitely notice the first small changes in your behaviour, but wouldn’t think much of it in the beginning.

Maybe you are just tired? And even if not Diluc knows best that no one can always be chipper.

Still he doesn’t know how to act around you when you are sad / heading towards a depressive episode.

He would offer you his help, you just need to say what you need and he’ll give it to you.

Ah, but Diluc didn’t really consider at first that you would be too afraid to ask, even when he offered it to you.

One day he will directly ask you in the privates of your home if you are okay. At first you would try to brush it off, not wanting to be a burden on Diluc. You know how much he’s been through and that he also has his emotional scars… would be a bit selfish to dump it all onto him, wouldn’t it?

But oh, you’ve been dying to talk with someone about your feelings, craving a warm hug and words of comfort… so when Diluc doesn’t drop the topic you just let it all out.

He will take you in his arms and hug you, cuddle you, as long as you want. He’ll stroke your hair, quietly listening to your words, only small “mmmhs” and “it’s okay” leaving him, to reassure you that it’s fine for sharing it all.

When none of you talks all you can hear is his steady breath and oh, it’s so soothing.

Maybe you end up crying, while sharing all of it with him. All he does is to pull you closer into his chest, saying that it’s okay and tell you to let it all out.

Diluc hides his softer side from the people of Mondstadt, always hiding behind the more grumpy image some of him have, but he knows that it’s not good to run away from your own feelings. What you need to do is to feel them, do not try to push them aside because you are uncomfortable with them.

Generally he would be soft, kind and understanding. At first he might give you too much room, afraid he might be overstepping a boundary when he keeps pushing you in the beginning. Ends up in you isolating yourself / pulling away more, but once Diluc sees the pattern he will be more attentive to your needs and learn to differentiate between you needing space and you isolating.

Though please communicate with him better, he’s busy and if him having less time for you causes you distress you need to tell him, he might only notice it after the feelings festered.

Childe:

Oh boy - he hasn���t seen you in a while, Fatui duties you know, so when he knocks on your door one day he notices immediately that you are not in a good place.

This man - he cooks, he cleans, we all joke about him being the perfect husband but seriously. He sees the state of you, the state of your apartment and immediately helps.

Having spend the last week or two in a depressive state caused you to neglect your housework - the dirty dishes are everywhere and laundry keeps piling up. Not to talk about how you look.

Childe will make you a bath and while you’re in it he cleans. An immense help!!! Taking away a good chunk of thinks that made you feel just so overwhelmed and helpless.

The whole time he wouldn’t breach the topic of why it has come to that point, but now after you finished the bath and the apartment looks liveable again he asks you what’s wrong.

Honestly you don’t know yourself, you’ve been just lacking more and more energy to do the basic tasks and suddenly everything was a mess.

Will wipe away your tears and tell you “don’t cry, I’m here”, taking you in a hug.

When he’s around more, will he notice it when it slowly gets worse? Mmh, yeah!! He definitely notice when you are feeling more down, seeing how your interactions change and how your laughs become more forced.

In the beginning he will just try to make you feel all the “positive” feelings, not wanting you to feel any “negative” emotions at all

this man definitely represses his own trauma a lot and has a horrible way of coping with it so I doubt he would be the most emotionally intellectual person to help you through it

Though when you show that you don’t feel like showing your sadness aside and you just want someone to share it with / need some comfort he will adjust to your needs

Albedo:

Boy as impeccable observation skills, he will notice immediately when something is off.

However - he somehow struggles to understand your feelings. Like. At all.

When he asks you what’s wrong and you tell him that there is not a reason for your feelings, you just feel a bit depressed that’s all, he will not get it.

How do you feel a certain emotions without something causing it? There must be a reason for it.

And honestly he’s right there is always a reason for a certain feeling to arise, but sometimes they aren’t easy to understand for yourself or to spot, sometimes it’s just that your inner child needs a hug and it takes you three weeks and a metal breakdown to understand that this is all you needed… plus a good cry

He’s gonna be so awkward at trying to comfort you, making you feel better, at first. Trying everything out to cheer you up, he really doesn’t want you to feel bad. Asks around for advice what helps others when they are sad.

Honestly? The things he does, the small presents he gifts you - they are nice and make you feel loved, but it doesn’t make the bad feelings go away. Even worse it somehow builts up this immense pressure for you to get better quick because look! Albedo does nice things, he tries to help. He tries to figure it out. Why can’t you give him the results he hopes to get???

Only when someone (Timadeus for sure) finally tells Albedo that it’s not a special dish or flower or even place that helps with sad feelings - it’s that they remind them of something that’s comforting. Klee told him Dodoco helps when she’s sad, because Dodoco reminds her how much her mum loves her. So when people told him about certain foods or flowers - it was more because those were valuable for those individuals, doesn’t mean it has value to you. Most importantly is that he’s just there for you.

With that new bits of information he will try to adjust to your needs more, to learn what you need and to understand it.

He will be so upfront about it too, coming into your room and telling you that he’s been trying to make you feel better the past couple of weeks and noticing how your mood has not improved at all. Finally asks you what you need opposed to him only having asked why you feel that way

Will definitely make you cry with how he approaches the topic. When he apologises for making you cry you cry even harder at how soft he says it.

Albedo will remember what he was told, that it’s important to just be there for someone, so he will stay at your side, his hand on your back rubbing it while you are just sobbing.

After the tears have calmed down you can just be honest with him, tell him that you sometimes don’t know yourself what will make it better, that sometimes you just have to life with the feelings and accept them - but that his attempts really didn’t help.

He will apologise for putting more pressure on you, asking if you need a hug (something a lot of people have told him helps them but he was just to shy to actually try it out). After saying yes you both stay for a long time in the hug, the first thing in a long time to make you feel better.

Yoimiya:

My love, the light of my life, my future main - she would be SO good at helping you through an episode.

Notices the way you act towards her changes and immediately confronts you about it, afraid that something in the relationship is amiss until you tell her the truth that you are a bit depressed.

Canonically the one with the best communication skills, if you were to put her, Diluc and Kaeya in a room I’m 1000% sure those two would leave it as brothers again.

That said she can sometimes be a bit too overwhelming - she can talk a lot, but she’s a good listener too, but in her attempt to fix the issue she goes a bit overboard.

She’ll want you to talk it all out which isn’t a bad thing per se, but sometimes you just don’t feel like talking or that talking would help.

However the way Yoimiya is it will make you communicate with her more about how you feel and what you need - she kinda just seems to be more approachable and the kind of person you can pour my heart out to after meeting her on the toilets of a bar.

Will cuddle you as long as you need.

And honestly? 100% sure she would even make you a firework to cheer you up that you both watch from her favourite spot on a blanket while doing so (the cuddling!)

or you know maybe it’s just what I would really want to do with her when I’m depressed aka RIGHT NOW MAN

[dourpeep]

IT WAS 2AM WHEN I SENT THAT SO I HELD BACK MY SIMPING FOR COLLEGE ALBEDO A LITTLE. tried not to send all my brainrot so I didn't just send a wall of text into your inbox LOL. Some others I thought of were:

- Mona giving astrology forecasts and compatibility readings in this au and Albedo may have asked her about the two of you

- Going to botanical gardens or museums with Albedo but for some reason it feels like a date even when it didn't intent to be. You tug on his sleeve now and then when you see something he might be interested in or even when it's something that excites you, and Albedo can't help but have a soft look in his eyes that he can share this moment with you! Somehow it results in the two of you holding hands - just so neither of you stray from each other of course - and eventually, intertwined fingers. You hear someone say that the two of you seem like a cute couple and you know Albedo heard it too, but neither of you say anything. You feel his hand squeeze yours a little tighter and respond in kind. The two of you are too embarrassed to look at each other but can't help the smiles on your faces.

- Lending Albedo some of your favourite books for pleasure reading and you've left tiny tabs on lines that you like. Perhaps this is before Albedo realizes his feelings so when he reads particularly romantic lines, he wonders if this is how he feels about you. Or did you mark these pages because you feel this way about someone? His stomach is in knots to the thought that you may be intrested in someone that isn't him and he settles for it just being prose.

WHAT YOU WROTE WAS SO CUTE AAA. THANK YOU FOR SIMPING FOR COLLEGE BEDO WITH ME!!

Tugging his hand and not letting go omg . . . you tend to just intertwine pinkies or play with his fingers absent-mindedly that Albedo becomes so accustomed to it so he starts to offer you his hands without a second thought.

WAIT. I gasped at Albedo being a cuddler. He's a little delirious when he first wakes up but you're so comfy that he hugs you a little tighter, asking if you've slept well. You try to reply while worrying about whether or not he can feel your heart thrumming in your chest.

What if Klee is staying with Albedo one night and the three of you fall asleep cuddled up together. Alice comes back early in the morning before any of you are awake and takes a picture. She sends it to Albedo later and he sets it as his phone's wallpaper.

Albedo staring at your lips winded me, thank you.

YES TO THE SWEATERS. I bet Albedo would have the softest and coziest sweaters too! Imagine it being a little cold out and you see Albedo across campus so you bound over to him and give him a hug. You nuzzle into him and mumble out a little 'hello' and say he's warm. You feel his laugh rumble through his chest while he greets you back, wrapping his arms around you

And I LOVE ALL YOUR HEADCANONS! I believe I found your blog around the time you posted Albedo's snort headcanon and it was too much for my heart!! I held tight to that headcanon and never let go lol. I also thought the science + college headcanons you had of him were really nice despite not being necessarily romantic!

Side note: I looked up that lobster fact and that's so cool!!

The Lobster Fact(tm) is my go-to ice breaker and it always fails. I'd imagine it's normally the same w/ Bedo OTL so sad...not many wish to know about potential lobster immortality.

I'm glad that you love the headcanons though!! I enjoy writing for Albedo so so much as you can tell ehe

That being said--if it makes you more comfy to send stuff in a few bursts of asks, I don't mind :DD I'll answer them as usual nodnod

OKIE DOKIE

-

"...Mona, yes?"

"Ah, I was expecting you to come around sooner or later, Kreideprinz."

Really, Albedo didn't mean to stumble upon the Astronomy major, but for some reason the thought of you has been on his mind and the campus' observatory just so happened to be on the way. With the meager hope that...maybe he'd find some sort of answer (in what, he wasn't really sure himself), there she was.

Luckily, she knew just what he was there for.

The moment that she twirls her hand with a wave, telling him that there isn't anything to worry about, the apprehension creeping within his chest at the thought of seeing you next-

disappeared.

It's not often that he turns to less orthodox methods, but he wouldn't lie. Knowing that--at least in Mona's opinion (which tended to be correct, anyway)--the two of you were undoubtly compatible? Something about how your constellations were intertwined...

In fact, Albedo turns a little theory around in his mind. Though based in old folktales, the idea that you gravitate towards those who are made of the very same stardust as yourself, suddenly made sense.

Or, perhaps he was just being hopeful.

-

Little does he know that you most definitely asked Mona about the same thing earlier that day.

-

AHHHHH BUT OF COURSE-

Any of those kinds of places--Botanical Gardens, Art Museums, Aquariums, Zoos, Museums in general--Any place where you're able to utterly lose yourself in your surroundings and look around in awe, really, are your go-to date outing destination!

Usually, it's just the two of you, maybe with Sucrose or Timaeus if it's for a particular class, as well as the occasional Klee in tow whenever Alice is busy with work.

But in this case, fingers interlocked, it's just the two of you on a impromptu trip to the art museum downtown after seeing a promotional banner about a new exhibit. Once inside, you rush along, Albedo trailing close behind with a light squeeze of your hand. The large area used for temporary exhibits isn't far from the entrance, so it's not long until you skid to a stop.

All along the walls are incredibly detailed oil paintings, the thin layered strokes glistening in the light. Albedo takes a moment to whisper to you about how oil paint works.

Due to the thinness of the paint and it's transparency, light passes through every carefully placed stroke, allowing for a unique sort of depth that isn't achievable with other painting media. You smile, the artificial light of the art exhibit making your features glow and Albedo can't help but wonder if you are like those paintings.

So complex, so carefully created in an image perfected with time. Your eyes search his and you say his name and Albedo clears his throat when he realizes he's been staring.

"Do you like this one?"

Ah, you must've assumed he took a liking to this particular painting.

His eyes shift back to it, taking in the sight of the balance of color, the composition, then back to you. He only stares a second longer before nodding.

Whether or not you realize the view he likes is you is something that he dwells on as you both make your way to the next painting.

-

If you had a penny for every time that someone comments on the way you compliment each other, you'd probably be able to pay off your tuition for next semester.

Okay, perhaps not, but the idea still stands.

You're only just at the end of the art exhibit when the security guard wishes the two of you a lovely date. Something about how young love is something to be treasured, something about how the two of you already seem so natural and comfortable in each other's presence.

Before you can mumble out an explanation, Albedo just squeezes your hand, gentle as always, and smiles.

It's a compliment, right? For someone to see how close you are, even if you really are just friends, is a good thing.

Ignoring the warmth that spreads over your cheeks, you smile and turn your head away shyly. Squeezing his hand back, the thought of what it'd be like if you were together crosses your mind.

-

Just as you lend books to him, he lends books to you. Surprisingly, this time it just so happens to be a poetry book--something that you expressed interest in a week ago but ended up not getting.

Within, he's left colorful notes with his neat, slanted writing.

Short discussions (presumably questions to himself) of what the poet must've been thinking, different possible scenarios, are peppered throughout the book. But one just so happens to catch your eye. Rather than a question, it's a statement. Simple, short, and...sweet.

'You carry the aura of the stars.'

The little yellow sticky note pasted beneath a love poem to the night sky stands out. Suppressing a flutter in your chest, you continue reading through the poem book with a few giggles at Albedo's musings until you find a note with most of the words crossed out.

It's entirely unlike him, the way that the dark ink scribbled over the words, making them illegible.

But at the bottom was a continued attempt--one you presume he was satisfied with by the way it lay pristine on the colorful paper.

'You look. I fail to speak.

Your mind, so brilliant as it is I wish to see behind To further appreciate the one I love.

I can only hope one day you shall let me in, So for now I wait patiently by your side.'

Who could he have written this for? You can't help but stare at the poetic attempt, knowing full well that Albedo seldom does something without meaning.

The book closes and you tuck it back on the shelf to ask about later.

-

AAAAA YESYESYESYES I LOVE THAT CUDDLE PILE W/ ALBEDO AND KLEE

Even though Albedo's a grade A student and certified genius (he's adamant in his denial, shaking his head and mumbling about how he just studies hard), he's not entirely a stickler for rules.

Well, that is, Aunt Alice's suggestion that Klee goes to bed by 9.

Instead, the three of you settle in the common room of Albedo's place in a bundle of pillows and blankets at the demands of a pillow fort.

The tv blinks on accompanied by the near silent click of the remote.

"What should we watch?"

Klee always ends up picking the movie. This time, she wants Alice in Wonderland, commenting on how the bunny is like her best friend Dodoco and the blonde girl on screen is named after mommy. Albedo doesn't bother correcting her, even though he knows quite well that dear, sweet Dodoco is a chinchilla.

Between sips of juice and a few mouthfuls of popcorn, the three of you fall asleep, Klee curled up besides you and Albedo's arm draped over you both.

Even when the sun is up in the sky, you sleep peacefully.

So, naturally, Aunt Alice has a spare key just in case something like this happens.

Immediately she's met with the sweetest view--her two kids (she's practically adopted Albedo as her own at this point) and--

Hiding a cheeky smile behind her hand, Alice can't help but sneak a little closer when she spies the way that you and Albedo somehow gravitated closer, his face buried in your hair and yours resting against his collar. Wedged between you with tousled hair, Klee snoozes peacefully.

She snaps a picture, followed by another, and another, and a fourth for good measures before meandering into the kitchen to prep something for breakfast.

Might as well let her three favorite people enjoy the comfort of sleep for a little longer...

You wake up the moment that Klee wiggles her way out of the blankets, nuzzling against the warmth radiating under your cheek.

Nice and cozy. Smells nice...wait.

Eyes fluttering open, you're met with a familiar birthmark and the nearly gone scent of Albedo's cologne.

You nearly pull away until the arm, now wrapped around your waist, pulls you closer accompanied by a satisfied sigh. Ah. You shut your eyes tight when you realize that Albedo's going to be asleep for at least another thirty minutes, resigning to your fate gladly.

Of course, Alice takes the opportunity to snap a few more pictures when you've finally fallen back asleep.

-

YES ALSO ALSO

Speaking of Albedo and sweaters and warm and also the just mentioned cologne. A little fun tidbit--not only are you familiar with the scent of his cologne because he wears it often, but it (in this au) is actually one that you picked out some time back. You probably were at the store together smelling some of the perfumes when you came across one that you were pleasantly surprised by.

Specifically, something that's lightly floral, a little warm but sweet with a hint of earthiness.

The pros? It fits Albedo perfectly! It also kinda sticks well and his place faintly smells of it.

The cons?? Well...you're embarrassed to say that hugging Albedo tends to drag on a little longer than anticipated because it's just such a comforting scent-

Not because you associate it with Albedo or anything-

Ehe

Man I really went to town again, didn't I?? Well, I'm glad that you enjoy my headcanons :DDD Albedo just seems like such a sweet person??? Like endearing in a way that just is...him. If that makes sense.

Brain go brrrrrr

I'll admit that my favorite headcanons for Bedo are mundane and domestic ones though! Like these! Just the little moments where there's nothing really going on except for him and you and ahhhh yesyesyes

Okay that's all-

[astaroth1357]

Demon Brothers React to MC Getting Kidnapped by Lesser Demons.

Watch out for minor first half spoilers!!

Lucifer

Kicking himself because he has to find out through Mammon that the MC is missing and he didn’t notice their absence himself.

The second the alarm gets raised he gets into a state somewhere between coldly rational and extraordinarily furious. 

Definitely still level-headed enough to rally and organize his brothers for a search party but there's nothing but seething rage just rolling off of him the entire time. Probably-could-have-made-another-Satan type rage.

How well he keeps his composure will be based entirely on how long the MC is MIA. The first hour or so will be mostly put together but past that he'll start to slowly unravel as the panic takes hold.

At one point he even gets snippy with Diavolo over the phone and that's when you KNOW that he's reaching meltdown mode.

If he's the first to find the MC, his #1 priority is to get them away from whatever scum grabbed them and take them to the closest safe place he can find. He'd scoop them up so fast they won't even know where he came from, just whoosh! How'd I get on this roof??

Only once they're out of harm’s way will he circle back and deal with their kidnappers personally. You better be sure any damage done to his human will be reflected a thousandfold back onto their attackers. Probably coming back to the MC with some blood on him and is not going to care.

Relieved to have the MC back but restricts them from going out alone after a certain time now for their own good. If they need something that badly, they can come to him.

Also strings Mammon up by his toes that night for losing them in the first place.

"By the time Cerberus gets to you, I'll be sure you're only my table scraps…"

Mammon

The first to notice that the MC was being oddly quiet (thank their father for his text spamming habit) then found their stuff scattered and abandoned at RAD.

Told Lucifer right away and, oh boy, he is a mess: talking a mile a minute, punctuating his sentences with expletives, on the verge of tears, whole nine yards.

He left his human alone for what?? Like five minutes, if even, to go to the library and get themselves kidnapped?! What kind of guardian is he?!?

Already searching the place top-to-bottom without being told where to go or what to do.

He actually ends up a strange inverse of Lucifer. While Lucifer will start panicking more over time, Mammon will start panicking less as his fear escalates to all out anger. Give it a few hours and he’s not even going to be able to keep his demon form under control anymore.

You know this boy is legging it across the entire Devildom himself waving around some kind of hand-drawn "Have You Seen This Human?" flyer looking for any leads at all.

If he were to find the MC first, his first action would probably be to plant his foot right in the face of whoever took them. Hard. Then repeat until their skull’s a caved-in mess on floor. No mercy this time, just pure protective rage.

Following the fight, you'd think he was just reunited with his lost puppy. Lots of crying, hugging, and blubbering out apologies even when the rest of his brothers show up.

Would pretty much be glued to the MC's hip for at least a week afterward and makes more of a point to hang off of them in public now. They're his human after all, can't have anyone else getting the idea of pulling a stunt like that again.

"MC!! What'd ya go runnin' off for?? We're goin' home after I take out this trash, got it!!"

Leviathan 

Wouldn't really want to believe it at first because it just feels too unreal, like, the same thing happened to Henry in Episode 86 of TSL when he was kidnapped by enemies of the Lord of Fools and it was up to his true friend to track him down…

Suddenly remembers that Henry was also tortured while he was taken and that really sets in the panic.

Unsure of how to help at first because he knows he's just a useless shut-in but Belphie of all people is the one to remind him that he does have one big advantage over his brothers: a fucking navy.

In an act of surprising backbone, he more or less demands a full fleet of ships from Diavolo and (honestly to his shock) he gets exactly that to comb the Devil’s Sea while looking for MC. Lotan even helps out!

If he were to be the first to find the MC (presuming they are indeed on a boat or something cause 🤷‍♀️) those kidnappers really shouldn't have challenged the third strongest brother in his natural element, eh? Those who aren't automatically lashed in the face or flung overboard by his tail get hung by the leg over the edge of the ship for Lotan to pick off one by one.

Sails back to shore with MC booming with pride that he of all people finally got to be their hero! Will literally be so happy if MC ever brings it up again, doesn't matter how much time has passed.

Things would settle back to normal pretty quickly after that, but he now checks up on the MC a lot more often and will even leave his room for them if they need to go somewhere and don't want to go alone. Can't have this turning into a rerun, you know?

"You hurt my only friend… So drown."

Satan

One guess how the Avatar of Wrath took the news. It's not swimmingly.

Unless your definition of "swimmingly" is a murderous rampage of toppling furniture, breaking windows, and swearing to curse right about anything that moves, in which case aptly put. 

He gets stuck in an anger-induced tantrum for a bit before finally getting snapped back into coherent thought by Belphie and putting those mystery novels of his to good use. Smart boi takes second to Lucifer himself in the search, suggesting good locations for his brothers scout based on what clues they have to go on.

Of course, he's not content to just to call orders from the sidelines and is out searching himself like he's on the goddamn warpath. Doors? Who needs doors? If anything the hole I made in your wall is more efficient.

Should he be the first to find the MC he would coolly and methodically subdue any kidnapper he can get his hands on, release his human, and bring them home as soon as possible. They've been through quite enough today and don't need to see anything he's got planned for the bastards later.

But the second that Diavolo puts them in the castle dungeon, you best bet that Henry 1.0 is going to the LEAST of their worries. Who's ever wanted to play a life or death game of hide and seek with a giant snake and the incarnation of Wrath itself? First one caught gets the "quick" death! Any volunteers?

Might give the MC a mild scolding for going out when they shouldn't have but otherwise is just happy to see them back and safe. May act extra soft towards them for a couple days, just until the nerves of the situation finally wear off.

"Don't mistake this for mercy. I assure you, I don't know the meaning of the word."

Asmodeus

Highkey freaking out, like, almost as hysterical as Mammon when he hears the news. 

Being the Avatar of Lust, he of course knows there's a whole lot of creeps out there in the world and he is utterly terrified that his poor MC has fallen victim to one at that moment.

For once, all thoughts of himself and his looks are out the window. What? It's past 2am and MC is still gone? I can stay up another hour! Dry shampoo and a washcloth counts as a shower, right? Who the fuck cares, where's MC?? Somebody find them already!!

Pools his contact list with Satan's and starts reaching out across the whole Devildom asking for people to be on the lookout and offer tips. Also begs Solomon to use his magic to help in the search (which he's more than happy to do anyway because he cares about the MC too)

If he were to find MC first it'd be one of those rare cases where he'd be seen really truly enraged. No cute banter, no playful flirting, just telling those worthless scum-vats exactly where they belong and exactly how he's going to put them there. Is it any surprise that he's also madsick with a whip?

Crazy relieved that MC is free, but now it's on them to help him clean up and get back to his prettiest self. I mean, he worried himself half to death while they were gone! All this dirt and sweat going to take three, no four, bathes to fully clean off!! Best hop to it~♡

"Touch them one more time and I'm going to set fire to whatever landfill trash like you crawls out of!!"

Beelzebub

It can't be happening. It honestly can't be happening. First he loses Lilith and now MC?? He can't lose two. He. Can't. Lose. Two.

Pretty much the mantra going through his head as he tears the Devildom apart with his bare hands. 

It's 1000x worse than how he gets when he's hungry because at least then he might stop when he finally gets fed. Now it's either find MC or wait until he collapses from exhaustion and hope he doesn’t leave the whole realm a smoldering crater before he gets that far.

There's no reasoning with him either, the best the brothers can do is steer him in a direction and let him loose.

If he found MC first he probably wouldn't even realize it for a bit, he'd just keep attacking whatever or whoever is in front of him on his path of blind destruction. It'd take the MC literally flinging themselves at him or throwing their arms around him to snap him out of it but then it's back to sweetheart Beel.

Hugs ensue. Really tight hugs. Probably a few tears and apologies too (even if it’s not really his fault at all). 

Woe to anyone who tries going for the MC once he’s sure he has them because they WILL be broken then eaten. He’ll encourage his human not to look, but some things just have to be done.

Would absolutely carry MC back home and refuse to put them down until the others force him to. The floor may as well be lava planning on taking them away from him too.

Wouldn't care as much about personal vengeance as his brothers as long as MC is safe. He'll trust that his family will more than punish the kidnappers (though chances are he already took a chunk or two out of a few of them during his rampage anyway).

Protective instincts up by 100 after this, though Belphie usually steps in and eases him back a bit when he's about to get suffocating. MC never travels without a buddy now, ever. He just can't risk it.

"MC, I-I'm sorry… I just couldn’t lose you too…"

Belphegor

Keeps the coolest head of all the brothers on the outside, but there's a cold fury building up in those eyes.

Pretty much takes charge of whipping everyone back into gear with a combination stinging remarks and heavy duty guilt tripping. May not be the nicest method, but it's effective. 

"Asmo, grow a freaking spine and do something useful for a change! Mammon, this your fault to start with so you ought to be breaking your ass to find them! Satan, watching you is getting embarrassing, pull yourself together and think like you're good at it!"

His harshest criticisms get saved for Lucifer (big shock) but he only dishes them out when he sees his older brother really losing his grip or teetering on losing hope. If the “mighty firstborn” can’t keep it together then why should they even listen to him in the first place?

When he's not administering "motivation," he's keeping tabs on Beel's progression through the Devildom and trying to minimize the damage there. He's the only one that can get through to him long enough to change his course if necessary.

If he were to find the MC first, well, unlike Satan he doesn't have the forethought to save the torture for later. It's happening right here, right now, and you better bet that being the last born doesn't stop him from being a force to be reckoned with.

Waits with the MC for his brothers to catch up to them and deal with any stragglers. May cuddle with them and look like he's trying to take a nap in the meantime, but in truth he's still very alert, on edge, and ready to absolutely wreck shit if anything gets too close to them.

Though it doesn't look like his lazy ass goes through the same protective streak as his brothers, he's a lot quicker to try and convince the MC to stay home now. No out and about=less chance of getting nabbed. Plus he keeps his favorite pillow, win-win. 😏

"What about your worthless lives makes you think you deserve my mercy??"

[technowoah]

Cant Handle This

Quackity's facade keeps breaking, and he tries to keep the pieces together. You're the only one who can make him show his true self

- Quackity x gen neutral reader

- this is a long one yall.

Now playing...

Can't Handle This (Kanye Rant)

Bo Burnham

0:01 ─●──────── 3:29

⚠︎ swearing, angst, mentions of mcyttwt, based on the song above, and ofc its not proofread

Part of my Inside Special!

Quackity sat in his chair currently streaming right now, he seemed like he was having a good time from your spot on his bed. You were currently laying on his bed after he invited you here to relax.

You two had laid in his bed just enjoying eachothers company until he got a call from Tommy saying he was ready for the lore stream which sent Alex into a frenzy. Alex sent out a quick "Im sorry" about the lateness of his stream and then quickly set everything up.

He then started to stream which left you alone on the the bed to your own devices. You were scrolling through Twitter looking at Alex's fans talk about what's happening on the stream and posting screenshots of his character and himself.

You admired him from afar as he ended the lore part of his stream, he took time to type on his phone to text you that he decided to stream longer to talk to his fans. He looked to you and you have him a nod with a smile and he gave one back.

"Hey guys! That's the end of the lore!" He exclaimed to his chat as he types at his computer setting a new background.

You continued to listen to him praise his chat for supporting him and making him be able to make those types of streams. You were always proud of Alex no matter what he did, you were always his number one supporter no matter what happened in reality or on the internet.

"So anyways! I wanted to talk to you guys! How are you all?" He smiled at his camera looking back and forth from his chat.

◇T0mm71nn1t: THE STREAM WAS SO GOOD QUACKITY

"Oh thank you! Im glad I could share this with you. It takes so much to put into these movite type streams, so I know now it is all worth it."

Quackity's pov. . .

He felt so overwhelmed, he shouldn't have began to stream again. The stress of putting everything together, plus being late to the stream made him rush into it more. He just wanted to lay back down with his lover who was enjoying watching him stream, and that's the goal he wants. His goal was to entertain, it was his job and he doesn't want to fail, he doesn't want to crack.

◇Mayatooni3: WE LOVE YOU QUACKITY

◇catiiequak: QUACKITY ITS MY BIRTHDAY CAN I GET A HAPPY BIRTHDAY??

◇yriaaolic: 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

"Happy Birthday!" He said seeing the comment pass in a second. "Happy Birthday to anyone who's Birthday it is today."

Right now it was hard. It was hard to keep up when there was always a constant demand, the constant need to be perfect, his past being brought up, and trying to one-up his content everytime. He loved this, but at the same time it had the same weight as a job.

In the back of his mind he knew the "When is Quackity streaming???" is mostly lighthearted, he never wants to leave.

"Quack are you okay? Im fine! Just thinking about how to get something to eat at 2am." He laughed lying to his fans, he wanted to stop this stream.

He kept looking over to his lover lying their head on his pillow scrolling through their phone and alternating their vision from him and their phone. He always caught a glimpse of their small smile everytime he looked. He was doing something right.

"Do yall think Taco Bell is open? The only problem I have is that Im fucking starving."

He paused for a moment taking a deep breath trying to keep his emotions down. The stress was getting to him, and he fucking knew it, but he didnt stop. He was going to get burnt out eventually and stop streaming and YouTube all together, but he needed this. He needed a break, he needed to take time for himself and stop putting on a happy face when he isnt.

TTS ◇pulixsaxe: "Did you see what was happening on Twitter quackity?"

"Wait what's happening on Twitter?" He asked with a weary laugh.

I can sit here and pretend like my biggest problems are

Pringle cans, and burritos

The truth is, my biggest problem's you,

Your eyes widened as he mentioned Twitter. Truth be told he was trending because of his stream, yes, but also they brung up stuff from his past again in the wake of another content creator's past or present being brought up. You hadn't paid attention to that, you were only getting fueled up from Twitter bringing up an issue that he already had addressed.

Tempted to speak and tell him its fine, he already spoke up before you.

"I bet it's fine! I dont wanna... I don't need to look." He said with a smile. He always had that smile on.

Either it was a full smile or a half smile. It never left his face and it comforted you somehow. Maybe it was that you were his significant other, but you always wondered if anyone saw the same things as you. The things like his smile that never left his face.

"Yeah! I dont need to look at that." He waved his hand dismissing the comment away. He then sighed letting his shoulders relax as you saw his smile fade and his eyes close for a second and immediately put that small smile back on his face while his eyes were glossy, but bright.

He needed to end this stream soon. You saw his face fall then in a split second come back to life except his eyes were glossy with tears. You wondered if anyone else noticed.

"I want to please you

But I want to stay true to myself

I want to give you the night out that you deserve"

His eyes tearful as he tried to blink them away trying to not make a scene.

"Sorry! Allergies ugh!" He said as he wiped his tears away claiming them as allergies.

"Are you crying? No! Im not a pussy!" He yelled at his chat in a joking manner.

He was crying and he felt weak. He felt emotionally weak, and weak as in not strong, he didn't feel strong and his lover who was sitting on his bed with a concerned look on their face always told him that it's okay to feel weak. The only meaningful thing is how you pick yourself up, they always told him, bur now he felt at rock bottom.

He wanted to give his fans "himself", the goofy, lovable, loud, quick-witted, Quackity. But then again his lover always told him to separate Quackity from Alex. He wanted to give himself to his audience, he wanted to be authentic and share himself, but he cant. Alex isn't all laughs, he is serious, calmer, and when he gets on the screen is when he lets it all out then goes back to his more calmer self. That's not what they want.

"But I want to say what I think

And not care what you think about it"

Giving himself meant dialing back, he wants to tell how hes actually feeling, he wants to say what he thinks about Twitter, what he thinks about certain friends, about his fanbase, and then leave it alone. He wanted to delete social media and then speak his mind without knowing what anyone is saying about it. It was paradise to him, but of course it cant be that way and that's what he hates. He feels like a actor when he really wants to be himself.

"A part of me loves you,"

Alex loved his fanbase, he had such a supportive fanbase that loved his content. Some of them did atleast he didn't fully know, but they gave him the courage to do this time and time again knowing that his content is at least taking them from the harsh reality of real life for a few minutes or hours. This was the reason he did this, for them.

Alex would never admit this but they boosted his ego too, it would for anyone. The fact that there were people who wanted and enjoyed content from him made him feel good about himself.

"part of me hates you"

He hated the contant criticisms, he hates that they feed his ego so much that it makes him want to stream more to feel good about himself and to make people get away for awhile. Alex knew inside of his heart he couldn't truly hate his fanbase, they gave him everything he ever wanted. He hates them for that and that's such a scary thing. He never fails to wonder if he did the things to deserve all the love and hate he gets.

"Part of me needs you,"

They feed his ego, they make him want to go above and beyond. Alex knows that his fanbase is the reason he is here in this chair infront of three expensive monitors. He knows that this is some sort of a job that he needed. He needed the push to keep going and that was them, it was the 200k people watching his stream watching him answer questions about him and

"part of me fears you"

He was fearful of loosing himself to them. Loosing his authenticity to them was something he feared. He didnt want his funny, loud persona to consume him and make him forget about Alex instead of Quackity. He fears what they think as well, he claims he doesnt care, but he does he wants to please them. It feels like two parts of his brain fighting about if he should care or not.

"And I don't think that I can handle this right now"

The text-to-speech bot continued to speak out people's comments that theu paid for while he sat there quietly. He bit his bottom lip trying to not break down infront of everyone he needed to be strong. He needed to be strong.

If he looked up at the camera everyone would see his tears, they would see him breaking.

He played it off as he brough his shirt up to wipe the tears away, claiming it as sweat.

"Im good! Im sorry I spaced out for a second." He shook his head.

He saw you look at him with that same concerned look on your face. As he switched his gaze between you and his computer, he felt his tears come back again.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

"Alex." You tried to get his attention.

"Yeah guys Im fine!"

"Alex"

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

"I have plans later for another lore stream, so Ill start doing that later tonight."

"ALEX!" You yelled and his head turned around to face you.

"What?" He laughed, biting his lip again.

You couldn't stop him doing this, you could try to course him into going to bed, but right now you couldn't find the words. You just stared at him while he looked at you with a somber smile trying to tell you that he was okay.

He felt his mind telling himself that he need to rest. He wouldnt allow himself to and thats why he was breaking down.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

Alex was blinking rapidly trying to keep his breathing and tears at bay while he answered his fans.

"My allergies are fine! And I drank water today."

◇moonchild21: WE LOVE YOU

◇sopusand: Why do you look like that?

◇wuackityoo: are you crying??

"Crying is for the weak! I am a strong manly man! Im crying cause I noticed how alpha I am!" He tried to play it off as a "Im a man" joke but you could see right through it.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

You had sent a quick text to Alex which told him to end the stream for his own mental health, but he left the message unread. He began sniffing and the wiping his eyes again. It was a wreck and you couldn't seem to stop it without literally dragging him out of his chair.

Meanwhile the screens were getting to Alex. Alex's eyes were getting tired of the bright screens and the rapid messages that popped up on the screen overwhelmed him for what it seemed like the first time ever in his strraming career. He wanted to give them the fun night they deserved and wanted, but he knows it's getting hard to. He dosent know how long he can keep this up.

As Alex kept joking around about his eyes and physical state the chat was filled with "LMAO" and "HAHAHA" which fuled him more and then at the same time makes him want to stop.

Look at them, they're just staring at me, like

"Come and watch the skinny kid with a

Steadily declining mental health, and laugh as he attempts

To give you what he cannot give himself"

He cannot give himself the luxury of happiness. As he went on with his career it became more and more like a chore, there was mostly down days and of course there were up days, but recently Alex gave his fans the happiness and laughes they wanted while when he turned off the camera he couldn't replicate that same energy as he had before.

It messed him up, he felt himself become separated from his streaming. He wasn't being himself anymore he was being Quackity and that became more apparent as the days passed. He wanted to be himself on camera and at first thats what he thought he was doing. He was himself then it turned into a persona.

Alex wasn't okay and he he needed to take a break from the internet for a while, but he tries to act like he dosent have a dilemma going on inside of his head everytime he sits in this seat. Its for the fans.

"Think that I can handle this right-

I don't think that I can handle this right-

They don't even know the half of this right-

They don't even know the half of it"

"Alex you need to end the stream. Please?"

He looked towards you again where you moved your position from the middle of the bed to sitting up on the end of the bed.

"Ive told you millions of times." He paused for a moment looking down at his lap before looking back up to you. "Im-Im okay." He nodded trying to convince you.

"But I know I'm not a doctor, I'm a pussy, I put on a silly show

I should probably just shut up and do my job, so here I go"

"Cant you belive them!" He laughed to his camera. You scoffed at his comment but still kept an eye on him as he talked.

You didnt need to baby him at all, but right now you were worried about your lover.

Alex continued talking and talking, which you drowned out. You were focused on his face and how he faltered time to time just showing a small frown.

He laughed and showed them a good time even though he was hurting. He kept going and going and you were convinced he was going to hold out until you heard him sniff multiple times while trying to make a joke about the new Minecraft update and how the glow squid has no use.

"Stupid ass squid! Why- why? Its no use expect for glowing ink. Who voted for that!?"

You can tell them anything if you just make it funny, make it rhyme

And if they still don't understand you, then you run it one more time

"Dumbass squid!" He pulled up a picture if the squid as he yelled at it.

You began to worry even more as you saw tears running down his face. He quickly tried to wipe them away, but he knew everyone saw.

Handle this right

You don't even know the half of this right now

Right now (Haa!)

Now

Handle this right

I'll handle this right, I handle this right now

Alex leaned back in his seat and had a blank stare towards the monitor. Looked down for a second and then you heard sobbing coming from his spot. Alex had his head in his hands and was crying harshly into them.

He had finally broken, he couldn't stop the tears from coming and the loud sobs that came from his mouth. He was trying to desperately breathe in to be able to sob, but ended up hiccuping while doing so.

Your eyes widened as you rushed to him resting your hand on his knees and you kneeling infront of him.

"I cant do fu-fucking anything!" He yelled into his hands.

"Hey! I know. Its okay." You tried to console him.

"Its not I try so hard! And I-"

You cut him off. "You are a hard worker Alex and you deserve a week or two off. Take care of you self babe." You stood up bringing his hand with you and trying to make him stand up. He followed your movements and stood up with you putting his head on your shoulder crying into it.

"I just ca-cant right now!"

"You dont have to do anything right now babe."

"Im sorry!" Alex sobbed.

"Dont be." You said bluntly trying to get your lover to calm down.

You rubbed his back soothingly as he sniffled into your shoulder. "Im sorry for ruining your shirt." He tried to laugh through his tears.

"Dont be sorry! Please. You just need rest okay?" You kissed his forehead and he nodded in response.

Alex raised his head up an started to pepper kisses all over your face as you laughed. He gave you one last peck on the lips as he walked away to quickly change into night clothes. You smiled as he laid underneath the covers and continued to softly cry into his sheets. At least he was in bed and not makijg himself even worse.

He couldn't stop the tears from flowing, it was like a flood that could only be stopped with time. He felt like a boulder was lifted off his shoulders only to be replaced with smaller rocks. The smaller rocks was the guilt he held. He felt guilty of making his lover worry about him, he didnt want you to worry.

You rushed over to his desk and turned off the stream and his computers not even bothering to give them a goodnight or goodbye. After the computer lights were turned off it was quite dark in the room except for small light.

Finally you were where you wanted to be all day, in bed with Alex. But this wasnt the predicament you wanted.

"Forgive me. I just cant do shit right can I?" His eyes were still full of tears and he was getting tired.

"Alex dont listen to anyone but yourself." You tried to console him.

"That's what I'm telling myself."

Silence filled the room as you looked at him through tearful eyes of your own.

"Alex, you're so amazing and I cant even tell you how much I appreciate you, and how much you change my life. You do so much shit right its scary sometimes. Some days I think you're perfect, but there's-"

"There's no such thing as perfect." Alex finished your sentence.

"Exactly! Even the best people have their downfalls, they just dont show it. And Alex I know you struggle with that! All I can say is that I love you for you." You finished.

"Can I talk to you about my dilemmas?" He tried to laugh again.

"Tomorrow we can talk. We both need the rest." You said to him as he closed his eyes and nodded in response. He gave you a kiss on you lips before laying back down to sleep.

"Thank you."

"Thank you

Good night

I hope you're happy"

TRENDING

ARE YOU OKAY

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QUACKITY

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[alyss01]

Studying for finals headcanons:

Corpse x GN!reader, Sykkuno x GN!reader, Toast x GN!reader

Word count: 1.5K

Requested: no

Synopsis: How Toast, Sykkuno and Corpse would be with a S/O studying for finals. Headcannons and fluff.

Warnings: none

A/n: Do I have more than enough requests? Yup! Should I probably work on those? Most likely. Basically wrote this during / after the most intense two to three weeks of studying I’ve experienced in at least a year. I needed some comfort so i provided myself with it, hope it can do the same for others even though most people have most likely already finished all their exams, tests, finals and all that already. Enjoy! (This was also mostly written at like 2AM the day of my last final, but it is proofread)

Masterlist

Corpse:

Let's be honest, he would have no idea what exactly it is you're studying

He knows some basics that are common sense and bits and pieces that he's collected while you were rambling about the topics to him

Generally though, he has no clue what's going on and certainly will not be able to help you do the actual studying

However if it helps for you to explain the topics to him instead of reading the books for a hundred times with seemingly no pay off, he'll gladly listen

Allows you to rant of about the intricate details as he fakes an understanding and nods his head along

Don't get him wrong, he loves to hear you talk and is genuinely interested in what you're saying, but you might as well be speaking a different language cause he cannot understand a singular word that passes your lips

If you're a night owl, that's great! He'll love to bring you midnight study snacks and bring a glass of water every so often

He definitely stays up with you and likes to just hang around the room where you study in the background and vibe to some music

Every so often he will walk up to you for head pats

The screen in front of you shone brightly, lighting up the room. The only thing telling you the time and date was your laptop. With the curtains permanently shut and having lost any sense of time you did possess over the past days, you wouldn't have a single clue how much time had passed otherwise.

Music comes through your headphones in attempt to keep you focussed on the matter at hand, a word document that is much longer than you would've liked containing all the summaries you had made over the past days.

The music however also deafened you from the sound of the door opening and closing, as Corpse stepped into your room with a white plastic bag containing some snacks and a cup of your favorite drink in his other hand.

As he set the objects on the desk beside you, you realized he had come in and pulled one side of your headset off your ear.

Corpse's arms wrap around you from behind, his chin resting on your head as you nuzzle yourself closer in his embrace. His eyes lazily trail over the text on the screen for a moment before they narrow and turn away.

Tilting your head back, you look at him from underneath, chuckling as you catch his confused look at the screen.

"when did you have this exam again?" The question escapes his lips almost with a hint of pity within.

Sykkuno:

Honestly I think it really depends on what you're studying if he will understand it or not

No matter what it is however, he is proud

When he has a chance in any conversation he'll casually bring you up and proudly explain what kind of complicated things you have been studying and how smart you are

He is so encouraging, no matter if he quite understand what it is you study or not

He probably would leave you interrupted while studying, but if you come out of your room to seek his attention out first he'll be so happy

If something bothers you or frustrates you about the material he's waiting with open arms to take your mind off it

If you're studying for long times he'll come to crave some affection so he'll either be glued to your side when you do finish or he will come and seek you out first

Will provide you with snacks, your favorite food, smoothies, coffee, tea, whatever you prefer while studying, he'll get it for you

Will want to spent time together once the stressful period is over, catching up to affection he may have missed during it

I think he'd definitely keep quite a careful watch over you in terms of rest

He will drag you off to bed at 2AM if you're still studying demanding you get some proper rest

"you know staying up this late is bad for your health, right?" The worry was evident in his voice as he leant against your desk as he stood beside you. His back was turned to the furniture and his eyes were glued to your tired face.

"it'll be worth it once summer vacation hits." You shoot Sykkuno a tired smile, making him turn his head to where your mug dutifully stood, as it had been for the past three days, half filled with your favorite study drink which had turned room temperature by now.

He raised his eyebrow in question, watching as you turn back to the screen that lights up your face with white light, the page's reflection in your eyes, "rest is important if you want to do well on the exam."

"so is knowledge and caffeine," though your words may be harsh, the tone with which they leave your lips easily tell him it was a joke, "besides, I'll just need to finish this last part."

His hand finds your hair, and you lean into his warm touch as you shut your eyes for a moment, taking in the moment. A small smile formed on his lips at the sight, his fingers threading through your hair.

"promise this is the last part?" He speaks up as you open your eyes once more, looking up at him as you give him a small smile.

The bags under your eyes paired with the exhausted look on your face had noy been as clear in the past days as they were currently. He admired you for your willpower to study these amounts, but you worried him sometimes with your behavior.

Your voice pulled him back to the small smile that played on your lips, "I promise."

Toast:

He's knowledgeable, not on all topics and subjects, but he's definitely knowledgeable

Start ranting to him about topics and he'll genuinely become interested and follow along, asking some questions here and there

If you ever need to write some sort of paper or essay, he'll gladly read it over for you for any mistakes or things to change

He won't admit it, but if you start explaining some of the things you're studying to him, he'll love it

Especially if it's something you're passionate about, he'd love to watch you explain stuff to him

The way your eyes shimmer, and how excited you look to talk to him about it all, he loves it

Forehead kisses while studying and will order food for you and bring drinks

Probably won't hang around too much in the room you're studying in to give you privacy and peace, but will come in and ruffle your hair before placing his lips on your head momentarily and wish you luck when he passes your door

In these moments often likes to sneak a peek at your papers or computer screen, just to see a glimpse of the topic you're working on

He doesn't mind if you stay up longer than him to study but will definitely drag you to bed for rest when he's decided you didn't give yourself enough rest

"I'm ordering take out, what do you want for dinner?" Toast is quick to poke his head around the corner of your door, phone in hand as he walks in and leans against the doorframe.

Pulling your headset off, you rotate your chair to the side, facing him as you question where he is planning to order.

He walks over to your desk to hand you his phone so you can scroll through the online menu, his hand quick to brush your hair back. Instead of pulling his hand away, he lets it stay in your hair, brushing through it a few times with his fingers.

While you were invested with the online menu, his eyes scan the screen, where you were working on the introduction to a paper.

He recognized the material, the day before you had trailed off on a small explanation that ended up much longer than intended when he asked what you were currently working on.

When you finish looking through the menu and having filled in your order, you catch his gaze glued to your screen.

Before he leaves your room he gives you some slight advice, offering to replace some words with others before wishing you good luck and leaving your room for the time being. At least until the food arrives.