#I have spent 4.5 years of my life on this

[lx1920jmax]

I finally got my diploma in higher education! Hip-hip-hooray!

[ktownshizzle]

Masterlist

My name is K and this is the byproduct of my Min Yoongi and Bangtan Sonyeondan brainrot.

Please remember all stories herein are purely fiction. I do not claim to know BTS irl. I put warnings in every chapter. Please be guided by them, so you can have an enjoyable reading experience. I do not have an upload schedule. I will turn on my requests soon, but for now please enjoy my ongoing and completed stories below.

About Me | WIP update | Buy me a ko-fi

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Requests are closed as of 11/08

Minors DNI

Wild & Free

Summary: Everybody says they want to marry Min Yoongi. But what if he only wants to say 'yes' to you. Alternatively: While on the last leg of their PTD tour, Yoongi discovers there was such a thing as drive-thru weddings in Las Vegas - spontaneous, wild, exciting - something his pretty little brain can't seem to process having lived the last decade of his life planned to perfection by his management team, which includes you. When he goes down a rabbit hole of Youtube videos about The Little White Wedding Chapel (Omo! Michael Jordan got married there!), he starts getting all sorts of ideas - all of it starring him and you. Genre: Fluff, Angst, Eventual Smut, Childhood friends to lovers, Idol!au, Coworkers to lovers (reader is a HYBE employee)

Status: Completed

Part 1 | Part 2

Terms & Conditions

Summary: Managing Min Yoongi as one of your encoders during his alternative military service should’ve been simple. He is quiet, punctual—and can apparently type as fast as he can rap! Not to mention the fact that he is easy on the eyes and keeps wanting to help you. You’ve signed an iron-clad NDA, detailing the full terms and conditions of his temporary employment, so you’re supposed to keep things professional, but what happens if neither of you wants to? Genre: Fluff, eventual smut, co-workers to lovers, office romance, idol!au

Status: Ongoing

⋆.˚ Series Masterlist ⋆.˚

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 Teaser | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6

Love & Lullabies

Summary: What begins as a simple favor for your best friend Namjoon soon pulls you into the rhythms of Yoongi’s life—afternoons spent caring for his son, late nights filled with candid conversations, and a connection neither of you thought you needed. You’re fresh out of a long-term relationship with an ex who didn’t want a family with you, so did you really just stumble into a life you’ve always dreamed of? (Thank god Namjoon isn’t the only one who’s clumsy.) Alternatively: It’s 2025 and BTS is prepping for their comeback. All members seem to have gained muscle weight from their time at camp. But Min Yoongi has gained a different kind of weight—an 8-pound baby and a fuck-load of responsibility. Genre: Fluff, Angst, Smut (tbd), idol!au, Acquaintances to Lovers, Reader is Namjoon’s bestie

Status: Ongoing

⋆.˚ Series Masterlist ⋆.˚

Teaser | Part 1 | Part 2 Teaser | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 4.5

Friends & Fools

Summary: You and Yoongi have always been just friends—inseparable since childhood, roommates in the city, partners in navigating life’s chaos. At your high school reunion, the questions start: Are you two finally together? Uh, no. But as the night goes on, and Yoongi looks at you like that, hmm—has everyone else seen something you’ve been too scared to admit? Genre: Fluff, Suggestive, non-idol!au, best friends & roommates to lovers

Status: Completed

Click here

A Christmas Encore {Holiday Fic}

Summary: You never thought you’d see Min Yoongi again, not in this lifetime, not in this place. He left years ago with big dreams and bigger talent, trading snow-covered Seollim Hollow for the city lights of Seoul. But now, with the cultural center—the heart of your hometown—on the verge of being sold to a soulless corporation, you’ll do anything to save it. When Yoongi appears on your doorstep, it feels like a miracle wrapped in regret. But as the two of you work together to save the center, old promises resurface, along with feelings you thought you’d left behind. Can you trust someone who was never meant to stay? Or will you just get hurt again? Genre: Childhood Friends to Kinda Lovers to Kinda Strangers to Friends to Lovers (WHAT?! Yeah I got dizzy too) Second chances basically, Fluff, Smut, Mild Angst, Very Hallmark

Status: Completed

Part One | Part Two

Let Me Love You {Song fic Drabble}

Status: Pending

Click here for the Preview

Sweet & Spicy

Summary: Turns out some cravings are just so hard to ignore. Genre: Fluffy fluff, idol!au, strangers to ?, Reader is ARMY

Status: Completed

Read here

Yet to come

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Banners by the uber talented @glossdebut

[inbarfink]

My own personal favorite answer to the still-unanswered question of 'why the hell are there two 'Team Fortress' both populated with seemingly identical people living seemingly identical lives' is still probably the idea that the Administrator hired 9 mercenaries and then cloned them to fill out both the RED and BLU team.

Like, yeah, I fully admit that it raises a few of it's own unanswered questions (For how long did that cloning technology exist? Did Team Fortress Classic went through the same procedure? What happened to the extra 4.5 mercenaries of each team once Mann vs. Machine and the Comics era happen? Did the Administrator just had them disposed while Gray Mann was on the move for the sake of protecting yet another one of her secrets?) but I also feel like it ties very well thematically with the point of the Administrator's scheme in "The Days Have Worn Away". The most vital part of her revenge is making sure RED and BLU are forever evenly-matched, and that's important enough that she will invest in secret cloning technology and however much shenanigans it takes to ensure neither the mercs nor any of their loved ones realize there's two of each of them running around for the sake of the teams being truly identical.

Also, yeah, it does mean that, like, either the Mercenaries had some sort of Dramatic Clone Reveal that happened totally off-screen at some point during the MvM or Comic-Era and we the readers just totally missed it (Even if all of the Comic-Era Mercs are the originals, realizing that you've spent years of your life fighting your own clone and that they've been also living 50% of your time off with your family is pretty fucked-up) .... or that the Mercs just went on living their lives and never put the pieces together there was some Secret Clone Scheme in the first place...

...But honestly, I think both the idea of Team Fortress never figuring out about the clones, and the idea of Team Fortress figuring it out but getting over it so comically quickly it never comes up again in their misadventures feel so very hilariously in-character for me that I count it as a point in favor of the theory in a way.

Y'know, the idea of the Administrator secretly running both teams was also originally framed as a Mind-Blowing Secret That She Must Keep Secret from the Mercs

And by the end of the comics, the Team either straight up never came to the realization that their old 'enemies' were working for the same employer.... or the realized it at some point during the MvM/Comic Era but it mattered so little to them it never came up on-screen.

And also, I think it's kinda hilarious to think about the concept of like, Merasmus being roommates with the RED Solider

Until he probably got of tired of his shit off-screen and moved to a new apartment............. only to end up with the BLU Solider

And then he moved again.............................. only to find himself with the RED Solider again

I am pretty sure Merasmus is the only person in the TF2 Universe outside of the Administrator and Pauling to know there are two of each Mercenary running around. But he's not bothered by the ethical or philosophical implications of this clone scheme, he is just eternally tormented by the existence of Double Solider.

[fountainpenguin]

Riddle watches New Wish - Post #18

Operation: Birthday Takeback

Dev's birthday!! Look at him. For some reason, the fact that his drones are here in 2D is funny to me... He's a little cartoon guy. Hazel is very cute.

I have a note here that says Dev's birthday is separated from Founder's Day by 9 years, 7 months, 14 days. So, he's had Peri for 4.5 months?

-> That is not too shabby in a universe where it's rare [in the OG series] to keep godkids for a year. Nice job, Dev!

...... Do you think they'll bring back rule-free fairyversary muffins (There WAS a full movie about it), because I have a pretty good idea what he'd wish for. Smells like trouble...

Okay, let's go! ... Peri does not think his parents are cool. And Dev is SHOCKED they came over. Also, he has no idea what to do with this much attention. He's SO red.

Hm. Peri looks really unimpressed... Did he already give Dev every birthday wish he wants and now it'll be awkward when Hazel gives a gift, because what can she possibly give that Peri didn't?

-> Dev still seems delighted Hazel's here! I think her friendship is the best gift :)

-> I do not think Peri knows enough about Dev's interests to surprise him, especially since they weren't getting along in the Dimmsonian episode because Dev was frustrated Peri couldn't "make a better cupcake" and Peri was frustrated Dev couldn't figure out what flavor he wanted.

-> Peri gives me "by the book" learning vibes; he's frustrated Dev doesn't listen to him and is harder to work with than the theoretical child he had in mind, I think.

-> Okay yeah, Peri is having NONE of this. Okay, Mr. Jealous Clingy Boyfriend Vibes...

Aw, Cosmo is trying to cheer Dev up... Peri, you wanna... jump in, or...? No?

Also, I'm enjoying watching what at this moment in time seems to be a healthy friendship and/or romance develop. I'm all for tormenting children, but this is nice too.

Peri...

Also, Dev thinks Hazel is like, the coolest person ever. And Peri is SO jealous Dev would rather hang out with his human friend than with a magical fairy. That's hysterical.

Something something, Juandissimo spent 3 seasons getting fired and bounced around Fairy World because he couldn't stop crying over how much he loved and missed Remy and finally broke Da Rules to return his memories, something something, Peri came here for a good time and he is honestly feeling so attacked right now.

I don't know what I'm trying to say, but... u get it. Two spoiled bullies, two very different dynamics. It's not the kid; it's the willingness of the fairy to meet them where they are... and love unconditionally.

Local celebrity kid who spent his Spellementary School life getting fawned over never developed the social skills to make friends and doesn't know how to deal with people viewing him as a flawed three-dimensional person.

For some reason I'm getting flashbacks to the end of "School of Crock" when Poof referred to his classmates as "his friends and Foop."

Okay, I thought Dev would freak out (/negative) over seeing boots since his dad literally unveiled a statue of him kissing his beloved boots while disregarding his son, but... he likes them! Despite that emotional blow, he is a Dimmadome to his core.

-> Dev getting his very first pair of little cowboy boots with tiny spurs 'fic, please.

-> Toddler Dev trying on his dad's or grandpa's boots 'fic, please.

Dev: Why didn't YOU think of getting me [rocket boots], pickle-brain Peri? Peri: Because my job is to grant you wishes! Not to read your mind!

Yikes... It's been a long few months for them.

Also, Cosmo and Wanda choose this moment not to overstep on the parenting relationship here and that's fantastic. Sorry, Peri- You're on your own for this one.

-> Wanda's totally willing to get Peri out of here if he needs it. So... she probably did notice Dev being snippy with him, but actively chose not to step in since Peri told her not to overstep in "Lost in Fairy World." Interesting.

Hm. I wonder if Peri has an animal form? I imagine he takes the form of tech or something that wouldn't catch Dale's eye. He probably sleeps in Dev's bedroom though (and/or "Hassle in the Castle"-esque pocket space).

-> Peri in his debut: /confidence oozing from every pore

-> Peri 4.5 months later: my crops are dying. I'm crops.

I love this family.

Though I feel like... it puts a weird level of stress or professionalism on Peri and Dev. I don't really have the words for it, but something something, maybe Peri's first assignment shouldn't have been so close to his parents because they are clearly struggling to let him speak or handle things himself. It's nice he can ask advice, but I feel like if they're around too often and Peri defers to them, that blurs lines and will be really confusing for Dev.

Who do you listen to if your fairy is telling you "Yes" and his parents - who have no technical authority over you but have ambiguous semi-authority in your fairy's mind - are telling you "No?" That's workplace tension waiting to happen.

And Peri is clearly trying to set his workplace boundaries - we saw that in "Lost in Fairy World" especially - but Cosmo and Wanda keep kinda undermining him and bringing family vibes into work, and he's also grown now, so... Yikes. I love them, but that's rough, buddy.

Forget that- Is that Vicky?

?? Vicky is still young? Or is this Vicky's daughter? MARK, what did you do? I know you literally have clones of her, sir.

I mean, I guess it's not out of the question she'd look the same years later- she had the same hair when she was 5 back in "The Switch Glitch" and she clearly likes that style, but I wasn't expecting it, especially since she's probably close to Dale's age and he's clearly beefed up (and I think gotten taller). Huh. Well, all righty.

The golden cowboy boots on display with the "In honor" plaque are not doing anything to disprove my tentative theory that Doug Dimmadome has passed on and that's why Dale is so clingy towards his boots.

Pfft, the "Icky Vicky" song is still a thing.

SLKJDF, I'm amazed they carried through with Vicky being the one to put Dale to work at the lemonade stand. I'm still confused as to whether she started it at age 9 or took over from someone else.

DEV DOESN'T KNOW HER???

Dale, you are a terrible dad. How can he be so bitter about his past and tell his son horror stories about Vicky, and/or not keep constant watch for her? I can't believe he hasn't sued her into oblivion.

-> It's because he doesn't tell Dev stories unless it's to gripe about how he needs to pull his weight because "My life was so hard when I was your age," isn't it?

I like how Dev is trying to lightly call to Peri for help without attracting attention or moving his lips. Geez, man- That's gotta be so stressful when you're trying to rely on someone new to help you and they don't show up. He didn't have him in the Hocus Poconos and he can't get him out here when he needs him. This is gonna be great on his trust issues, I'm sure.

Peri looking at his dad vs. Wanda looking at her sexy husband:

Dev will hang with his friends, but he's not putting down his stuff.

This next face he makes (without words) to signal "Hey, I'm doing my best" is so funny to me. He's like. "Yeah, I don't have to say anything; she knows what's going on here."

... I'm confused. What is up with Wanda and Cosmo right now? Why are they leaving notes to Dale that out Hazel as a godkid and them as fairies (who are disguised as humans)?

I get that they're not thinking ahead and are spelling out notes while they talk to each other, but surely they should know better than to leave evidence, especially after they saw Cookie get 10k years in prison for revealing the existence of Fairies and we know Hazel could be separated from them. Peri clearly knows this is a bad idea. Utterly incomprehensible to me.

"Icky Vicky" remix!!! Also, Dev handles rocket boots way better than Kevin Crocker did.

Dev "It's not a children's party; I'm a BIG KID!" Dimmadome - Dude, you just turned 10. I mean... That is double digits and you're just a little guy, so... good job.

I'm so glad I was right and that Dev isn't allowed to drink lemonade. That's hilarious. I'm obsessed. He wants it so much...

A.J., Poof, and Crocker sure changed a lot considering Vicky looks the same.

I love Dev covering Hazel's eyes so she doesn't see the partially naked money-covered mural of his dad.

The fact that this is even in the show is hilarious; it says so much to me. Dale "Obsessed with flaunting where I am now in life" & Dev "Instantly doing damage control so my BFF doesn't feel uncomfy or think I'm weird and ditch me" Dimmadome.

....... I said BFF, but I'm pretty sure Dev said Trev was his BFF in Episode 1 and now I'm wondering why we haven't seen them together at all. Hm. I'm gonna have to circle back to Episode 1 later; I might be misremembering.

Their names are Dev and Trev... Where is this silly duo? We're bein' ROBBED!

Peri's grown out of calling Wanda "Mama"- just "Mom." Good note for me in case I want to write something in line with New Wish's canon specifically, since I've always used "Mama" in 'fics even when he's older.

Peri watching his parents make innuendo jokes:

Oh, INSTANT panic on their end at the news of Vicky in the house. More so than with Crocker!

50 years of deep-seeded trauma... This would be a fantastic title card or redraw. Maybe I'll draw it someday.

Cannot believe Peri has been whiplashed back and forth by being snarked at, coddled, reminded of his Hocus Poconos trauma, and now he's facing Vicky trauma all within a couple episodes. It's been a long 4 months.

Peri @ Vicky: "She's REAL!? I thought I imagined her as a baby!!!" is he ok.

-> This is very funny to me because it plays into my headcanon of Poof growing up to forget most of his time with Timmy, including his name, and beating himself up about it.

I don't think Peri has gone one episode without going full panic mode over something. This kid's not lasting long as a godparent. Dev's gonna crack him like a nut and then Jorgen's going to wipe the floor with him.

omg, Dev needs his godparent to stand up for him against Vicky and Peri's having a MELTDOWN and hiding behind his mom. Um???

Holy cow, I've never seen him break like this, except maybe when he gained his fear of the dark in "Lights Out." That includes his many brushes with death and when Fairy Court unraveled his existence from the timeline.

-> I cannot believe I made a joke about how I wasn't sure how things could get more traumatizing for Peri than having to face the Hocus Poconos and yet here we are. Yeah, he's gonna put in his two weeks' notice like... tomorrow.

He ditched his godkid! Peri!!! You are a grown-up now! You can't do that!!

Okay, so Vicky is as tall as Cosmo and Wanda, so she can be an adult, sure. Also, Cosmo and Wanda finally getting the chance to stand up to her <3 I don't remember her tormenting them that much but maybe it's secondhand spooks.

-> Peri's meltdown continues in the background. That is some DEEP trauma.

Even if this was a non-Vicky person, would Peri be mentally equipped to deal with it? Because he's reacting badly for a guy whose memories are so wobbly, he can't remember if they were real. He's not there for Dev and he clearly has some issues to work out.

-> I think he needs more godparent training; he is NOT ready.

(Full moon!)

Ooh, Dev feels like his dad replaced him with Hazel... Dev out here like "Wait a sec, the reason my dad's not been around in 4.5 months is because apparently he's obsessed with you?" Oh boy... Those three expressions just tell it all (The horrified realization, the despair, the anger...)

omfg, Dev just found out Hazel "wished to become friends with him" ("I wish I knew why he acted so mean") and he feels like he's not good enough to be liked without a wish and everything was a lie, and he is CRASHING and screaming. Oh, geez louise. Terrible job, everyone!!! Everybody loses!!

I really like this night city skyline. It's so pretty. I love this decompression scene. Really good storytelling move and also nice to look at. I want to write with these vibes.

Man, Hazel's comforting herself and turning to Cosmo and Wanda for support (and making plans of how to make her evening better after getting yelled at).

I bet I know who's NOT about to turn to his fairy for support~

Dev: And where tf were you!?!?

"I was calling for you; why didn't you answer me? Why is no one ever there? Why does everyone else 'matter more' than me, even the people who are supposed to look out for me?"

Peri: D':

-> I like how the poof clouds still have words in them. Also, the scribbling scene is really well-done; Dev is losing his marbles.

Oh man... Thaaat's a big mess. Welcome home, child trauma show <3

Also, fanfic timeline notes under the cut:

[Contains a small timeline spoiler for Along the Cherry Lane, which is a 'fic I won't be starting for a long time. This is already in my Timmy's Timeline notes from the sideblog, though, so if you've already seen it, it's nothing new]

Wanda said it's been a "couple decades" since her encounters with Vicky. So... is Vicky like, 36?

I could've sworn Vicky and Dale were close to the same age; he has a teen body design in "Nectar of the Odds."

His age might've been adjusted though, or at least he may have started at a very young age. He told Dev in "Stanky Danky" that "when he was his age, he was working in a factory making lemonade every Saturday" and missed all the Saturday cartoons. This is Dev's 10th birthday, so maybe the thought here is "Dale started at age 9 or 10, then stopped at age 16 or 17."

If that's true, then yes, he's Vicky's age.

So. In that case, that screenshot of distraught Dev I put up in my "Battle of the Dimmsonian" post and captioned as "This is probably how Dale used to look at Vicky and then she kicked him down the stairs" is probably age-accurate too, and that's even worse.

Let's say it's been 2 decades and Dale was 16 then, now 36. That would mean he had Dev... Let's say around age 26 or 27.

-> That would jump us from 2002 [in my 'fics] to Dev being born around 2012, with New Wish taking place more or less around 2022. I think I'm okay with that- We saw in "Fearless" that the Enrichment Academy's most recent champion win was 2019 and they win every few years, so that makes perfect sense.

I think my 'fic Along the Cherry Lane ends with Tammy and Tommy close to age 10 in 2020? Let me see...

Riddle's Cloudlands AU notes: - Timmy parts ways with Cosmo and Wanda on October 15th, 2010 - Chloe parts ways with Cosmo and Wanda the night of March 20th, 2011. - Tammy is born September 2013 & Tommy February 2016 - Tammy and Tommy receive Cosmo and Wanda as godparents in 2023 (He's 8 or 9, she's 10 or 11)

Hmm... That's riding really close to Hazel's timeline. New Wish will probably be over by the time I'm done with my current longfics and ready for Along the Cherry Lane, so I won't worry about it for now, but it'll be nice to have these notes later in case I do want to try fitting this into my canon. We'll see if we get any hints about Tammy or Tommy in future episodes. I'd love to see Hazel meet Timmy with his kids, though I doubt we'll see that.

-> I also would not be opposed to kicking "Channel Chasers" out of New Wish's canon because it's not an episode I have attachment to and, well... we don't have flying cars or robot babysitters yet.

... If I were to keep everything, I feel like I'd rather take New Wish as canon and then put "Channel Chasers" after it (even if that violates the "20 years later" label) than commit to "Channel Chasers" and kick Hazel away. I was dreading worldbuilding a society that gained flying cars and robots within 20 years anyway, so I wouldn't be mad.

-> But I'll have to decide how much New Wish I want to incorporate into my canon, seeing as I usually prioritize the OG series in Cloudlands AU above spin-off media. Hmm.

Again, I won't be finishing this 'fic for a long time, so New Wish might be over by then and I'll have more information to work with.

Thanks for reading my liveblog!

[nanistar]

one of the reasons that i like jaybriar so much is because i’m a sucker for long, slow burn relationships that develop naturally over time, and warriors doesn’t have very many of those. they start out as patient/doctor, then they become friends, then they become close friends and after that it feels natural for them to share a nest and curl up together. firestar and sandstorm develop naturally over 6 books, which is about a year and a half and you grow with them. they were rivals, then friends and then mates. it feels natural. bristlefrost and rootspring weren’t even friends.

briarlight gets injured just before she turns one year old, and then she dies at about 5 and a half, and jayfeather is about 6. that’s 4.5 years of living with jayfeather in the medicine den. they have spent a majority of their life together, and were together through major tragedies like hollyleaf’s real death and the great battle. she starts out as his patient, before a verdict is reached and she’s told she can’t be a “full warrior” (not getting into that now.)  after she gets well enough to start moving around again, he helps her with her exercises and stretches (as is his job) and keeps her spirits up and reminds her that she’s a valuable member of the Clan even if she can’t do typical warrior activities and he helps her come up with jobs to do, and then she is referred to as “jayfeather’s assistant” several times in the actual text (this progression from patient to assistant happens over about 2 books iirc). she very much does not put up with his grumpy bullshit, she’s shown talking back at him and they have a lot of back-and-forth banter. they’re shown to have a very close bond at this point, sharing a first Close moment when he comes back from the tunnels soaking wet and he lays beside her as she grooms him dry, and he falls asleep like that. he refuses to take her as his apprentice because he doesn’t want her to feel forced into the job like he was, or cinderpelt before him, but he teaches her a lot and she is shown sorting herbs, preparing herbs for him, and helping out with small remedies which helps her stay positive and gain confidence and feel “useful”, and he trusts her to do so (especially compared to how much he micromanaged and didn’t trust alderpaw at first). and she comforts him after the gathering where he is accused of killing flametail, taking care of him and again grooming him to sleep, and then fetching food for him in the morning. he encourages her and helps her work on her goal of climbing a tree with just her front legs. she’s the first person he thinks of when rocks start falling into the quarry, throwing himself over her to protect her. he blames himself for her death, and he chokes up to the point where he can’t continue speaking and alderheart has to take over when trying to speak at her vigil.

the two have two major gestures; jayfeather massages briarlight’s back and hind quarters, which yeah, is a medicinal thing, but it’s also an intimate gesture. cats kneed as a comfort thing. idk it’s the close skin-to-skin (fur-to-fur?) contact. it’s different when millie or alderpaw do it. it would be different if they were humans. and then the other gesture, is briarlight grooming him to sleep. he allows himself to relax only for her, and is comforted by her. not an easy feat for emotionally constipated jayfeather. i never see these two actually talking about being mates or talking about their relationship at all, and they would absolutely deny it if anyone ever asked them. but they have a very deep bond, are unequivocally and undeniably in love with each other. it just sorta... happened. it makes sense for them. their physical and emotional closeness feels natural to them because it just is.

(additionally, i’m not making this post to defend them or convince anyone! just to think out loud about them, essentially. i saw a few folks tag my most recent jaybriar post as qpp and honestly if you see them more that way, that’s awesome. if you don’t sip them at all, hell yeah. peace and love on planet warrior cats)

[monpetitangell]

♡ BEST ËD MOVIE RECS ♡

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

- Thinspiration ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 4.5 Stars

Summary: A 17-year-old dancer joins a "thinspiration" website and devotes herself to the almost religious glorification of "thin", until she becomes completely possessed by the dark world of anorexia.

♡ This is one of the first 3D movies I watched and it remains a fav. it reminds me so much of engaging with edblr and the sense of community you find here.

Where to watch: Tubi

- Feed (2017) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 5 stars

Summary: 18-year-old twins born into a world of privilege and high expectations. There are almost no boundaries between them and even their dreams are connected.

♡ This movie shows what the voice in your head can sound like when you suffer from an 3D, first alluring and rewarding and then damaging. (my fav movie as of right now)

Where to watch: Tubi

- When Friendship Kills ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 4 stars

Summary: Two girls’ obsession with their looks goes beyond mere vanity causing them to begin pürging in secret. It sends both of them plunging headlong into danger.

♡ Something about having an 3D secret with a friend and doing it together appeals to me so this movie has been on my repeats for weeks now!

Where to watch: YouTube

- Sharing the Secret ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 4.5 stars

Summary: A young girls life spirals out of control as she struggles to cope with the pressures of teenage life. Based on a true story.

♡ You can tell this is based on a true story just off of a few scenes. It’s such a visceral emotion and the discussions characters have echo what many experience with this disorder.

Where to watch: Tubi

- Kate’s Secret ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 5 Stars

Summary: While seeming to have a perfect life, a housewife with mia keeps her 3D hidden from her family until it almost destroys her.

♡ I cannot even begin to explain how much I love this movie. I think it can feel super alienating being an 18+ individual and having all of this media be about teenagers but this one breaks the mold.

Where to watch: Tubi

- Dying to Dance ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 4 Stars

Summary: A ballerina’s aña affects her dancing, threatens her health and causes a dangerous accident.

♡ I love any movie with aña and ballerinas. While I’ve only seen this one once, it’s one I definitely want to watch again.

Where to watch: YouTube

- Thin ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 5 Stars

Summary: This documentary follows four young women dealing with aña and mia at a strict treatment facility in Florida where they temporarily live. They range in age, have group therapy sessions, weigh ins and meals. They discuss the emotional and psychological issues tied to their body image issues

♡ This one is pretty well known and is again one of my absolute favorites. I love that it touches on a variety of ages, that it’s real and shows the nitty gritty of this disease.

Where to watch: Hulu

- To the Bone ⭐️⭐️⭐️ 3.5 Stars

Summary: Ellen is an unruly 20-year-old aña girl who has spent the better part of her teenage years being shepherded through various recovery programs, only to find herself several ibs lighter every time.

♡ This movie isn’t my absolute fav but I will say I watch it often because it inspires me.

Where to watch: Netflix

[ If you have any suggestions of your favorite movies/documentaries, please feel free to let me know. This list is a WIP ♡ ]

[piratekane]

i got an ask in my email that never showed up in my inbox that was basically looking for book recs and since only one person asked for my opinion and because this was the year i fell back in love with reading, i'm going to do a myspace Top 8 books i loved this year, in no particular order:

Code Name Verity by Elizabeth Wein this is basically a love story. it's a love story and you won't change my mind. i don't mean romantic love except that i mean best friends loving each other to and through the end of the world can be romantic and we should say that more often. because this a book about war and its terrors but it's also the love story between two best friends and what they'll do to get back to each other. it has probably one of my favorite protagonists ever - actually, two of my favorites. Wein tells a devastatingly perfect story and i promise your heart will swell and sink and tie itself into tiny knots. kiss me, hardy! kiss me quick! 5 stars, i cried at the end

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo i was late to the SoC books and boy am i glad i finally showed up to the party. this book was perfection. i immediately fell in love with each crow and spent the whole book screaming that if nina and matthias didn't kiss ASAP that i was going to throw something. i also was yelling about kaz and inez, do not think i was not doing that. kex brekker you deserve love you street rat. @dealanexmachina had to deal with the screaming through this. and i think it's going to be a repeat read in 2024 just so i can experience the care and craftsmanship that went into each character, their nuances, and how it wove perfectly together into kaz's brilliant plan. 5 stars, i immediately read the sequel like a hungry jaugar hunting down a person wearing that calvin klein scent

Tress of the Emerald Sea by Brandon Sanderson brando sando is... prolific. and it was overwhelming to jump in, but i started with tress and not any of his other books (a problem i have rectified) and what a bang it was. this book is, in a word, hilarious. the narrator is a fantastical being with an aversion to linear thought and a predilection for hilarity. the humor in this book is unlike any of sandos other work and really shows that he has the ability to stretch. the premise is very clever and very cool and just very fun. tress is brave and smart and that's celebrated, not punished. plus who doesn't love a talking rat? i'm looking forward to his other secret projects 4.5 stars, the narrator is my favorite sando character

Hidden Pictures by Jason Rekulak okay, this is billed as horror, but i wouldn't really say horror and would lean more into the mystery billing than anything. maybe thriller. and it's outside my usual genre and is definitely more suited to my wife's tastes but she finished this book in three days (and usually takes 3 weeks-to-months to finish books) and when she said i had to read it, i said yes dear and picked it up. i'm glad i did. it's an illustrated mystery and as the author writes in the notes, those who pay attention will be rewarded. the ending was a twist i didn't see coming, like, at all. and it was clever. but once the ending started to unfold it was a mad dash to the finish. 5 stars, my wife recommends this

The Nevernight Chronicles by Jay Kristoff now, i know. this is actually 3 books, not 1. but hear me out - they must all be read. it's nonnegotiable. these books were recommended by tumblr user @fiddleabout and am i so very glad they were. mia is unhinged. there's no other way to put that. the girl is fucking off. her. rocker. and no one in her life is any better. they're all just as freaking crazy. but they're my crazy comfort killers. i went on for hours about mia and ash, to the point that my wife shut the bathroom door in my face because i tried to follow her in there talking about them. this series is bloody and more than once i was like, he can't possibly make this any bloodier but he CAN and i think this book is better for it. found family, check. unhinged teenage protagonist, double check. endless fun, check in triplicate. 4.5 stars, i am never not thinking of ash and her vision of a house on a lake and softness

A Day of Fallen Night by Samantha Shannon obviously i read priory first and obviously i loved it but ADoFN was... mind-blowing. maybe because priory enriched the world of ADoFN and i was already familiar with all the intricacies of it (though there was certainly more to learn) but reading this just... the bridging Shannon did, the connections she made between priory and ADoFN and how we ultimately saw the way ADoFN threaded some of the loops we saw closing in priory, it blew my mind. the utter romance of it all, my god. i read this monster book in a single day, i couldn't put it down. i emerged from my ADoFN cocoon like andy samberg in that one SNL skit where he plays a teenager who just woke up. i was changed(TM) 5 stars, i was a changed man

Rule of Wolves by Leigh Bardugo i immediately jumped into the rest of the Leigh's work (i went through SaB first but she's so strong at the end of this Grishaverse) and while i love all my SoC babes, nina was a favorite and honestly i'd recommend both King of Scars and this book. tumblr user fiddleabout was blessed to follow along with my completely unhinged livestream of this book and when (spoiler) zoya and nikolai finally got over themselves and K I S S E D, i put the book down and took a lap. then i picked it up and screamed again as nina's arc unfolded. 5 stars, i have a lot of thoughts about the kind of man nikolai is (peg)

The Adventures of Amina Al-Sirafi by S.A. Chakraborty i'm a bit of a sucker for a pirate book. even more of a sucker about a woman pirate, and amina is a woman pirate of the highest caliber. this book is either intentionally funny or unintentionally hilarious. amina's biggest flaw is that she's constantly ogling her demon ex-husband's cute butt - honest to god. otherwise, she's perfection. badass, scrappy, jacked. amina is all of those things and then some. so she has a bit of a past that winds up coming back to bite her in the ass and then she's thrust back onto a ship where she has to chase down an old crewmate's daughter - can you blame a girl for being the most kickass pirate in all of the seas? no! should you? absolutely not! just let amina live out her life ogling ass and sailing leisurely, please. 4.5 stars, i want to sail on amina's ship even though i'm afraid of boats. and the ocean. and things living in the ocean. and generally the water.

( ͡❛ ᴗ ͡❛)👍 and now you know, cause it's mike's pirate's super short show! ( ͡❛ ᴗ ͡❛)👍

[bedpolls]

how many characters do you have in your inbox?

I'm sure you didn't expect a nice long response anon, but that's what you're getting.

Right now I have 50 asks in my inbox, including this one. The last time I completely emptied the inbox was on 5/14. Best case scenario, is that it will take about 2 hours for me to sort through and post the requests to the queue. Once I got over 100 asks in less than a 48 hour period, and straight up spent 4.5 hours sorting through them. Here's why it takes me so long.

I do a basic search to make sure the character in question isn't a minor, and to figure out what their actual name is. I cannot stress this enough, idk shit about 90% of the requests I get. I don't know who that character is. Any mistakes made with names or photos chosen aren't because I secretly hate you and that character, or because I'm being malicious. It's because I've got little to no way to know what's correct. I'm going off shit on wikis, and most of that content is written by a bot nowadays anyways.

For me, the ideal submission format is "[FULL CHARACTER NAME] from [FULL TITLE OF MEDIA]" and that's it. That way I can just copy/paste directly from the ask into google. I have not instituted this as a rule, simply because I can't get people to read what rules I do have in the first place. Idk how much more eye catching that posts needs to be. It's bold, in red, and pinned to the top of the blog. If I put in a requirement for formatting, it would disqualify most requests, and I don't want to do that.

Some people feel the need to editorialize in the request itself, which tbh I mostly ignore. I don't care why you submitted this character. Idk anything about this character. Do whatever. Live your best life.

A random character nickname + acronym for the title is also the worst. I can usually figure it out, but it takes longer. When I've still got 30+ requests to get through, that's frustrating. I think sometimes people will just put the acronym for a piece of media in out of habit, or because they see I've used an acronym at some point in the tagging system. Tumblr does recommend tags, and that's why I might use it. This means that, when an acronym pops up again in the ask, I still don't immediately recognize it until I can remember googling it two weeks ago the last time that piece of media came up.

When it comes to the age of characters, I'll be honest I have much less patience. Sometimes I will google "[CHARACTER NAME] age" and what comes up is a spirited reddit thread, where people are arguing about whether or not the character is 15 or 45. Or 16 or 1500. Or whether or not they count as a minor, if they're physically 13 but actually 120 years old. Or whatever. I just fucking delete those, I'm not dealing with that shit.

I also often have to search the blog or scroll the queue to see if I have done the request before. There's a few video games where I've gotten a bunch of requests, there's a shitton of characters, and the names all blend together. If it's a duplicate, I delete those requests.

Generally speaking though, I try my best to ensure that every request gets posted. Yes even if it's weird, even if it's niche. You can submit characters from that one webcomic, or that one movie you love from 1954. The only requests that get deleted are ones that are 1) duplicates 2) violate the posted rules or 3) are so incomprehensible that I have no way of knowing what the fuck the requester is talking about.

[givemeanaccountalready]

Rambling about “My Children are Perfectly Fine” series:

First off, I need y’all to see the beautiful commissioned art @pumiih made. It just furthers my point that artists are actually witches in disguise. Pumiih took my ugly ass sketch and made this beauty:

Like look at that! Look how handsome my son is!!! Best money ever spent. My pink son is named Haruma Todoroki. He is my fun parallel to Natsuo in my series. And by fun, I mean fun for me, not so much for the characters in the story.

Here is my attempt at drawing him again, this time with his name next to him. It’s incomplete because hair is hard.

The kanji are crap, but essentially his name means “spring” “dance, wheel, flit”. Rei had agreed to carry one more child in hopes that she could free her existing children from Enji’s mad ambitions. When Rei was pregnant with him, there were two names settled on for him. Akito (“autumn” “move through/soar”) if he had been born with white hair or Haruma (“clear/sunlight” “protect”) if he had been born with red hair. She had hoped that Haruma would develop the fire based quirk with a self cooling ability that Enji wanted. Don’t yell at her, she was desperate to save her existing kids and decided that this was the best way to chew off one limb to save the others.

Of course, he was born with pink hair, and no one was sure what to do. Rei wanted Haruma but Touya and Fuyumi chose “spring” and “dance, wheel, flit” kanji instead of the ones she wanted. Both of them were aware of the ramifications of Haruma’s birth. Touya chose spring because this new brother was born in the fall but with cherry blossom petal looking hair (typically big brother bully moment) and Fuyumi chose the second kanji because she wanted her new brother to have a carefree, happy life. Natsuo was sulking because he swore that the pink hair meant fire and ice mixed to form water and he couldn’t think of a kanji that had the right pronunciation to sneak in. Shouto was just happy to vibe with his siblings for once. No one noticed for about two months, and Rei didn’t have the energy to go down to city hall to change it (her mental health was deteriorating) while Enji figured he’d change it if Haruma actually developed the power he wanted him to have.

Of course, Haruma’s Homeostasis came in and was deemed not good enough, so with Rei in the hospital and Enji not caring, no one changed it to the “right” kanji. Homeostasis is seen as a much weaker version of Half-Hot, Half-Cold by Enji, with the added flaw of Haruma’s Quirk tends to reverse from one end of the temperature equation to the other against his will. Shouto was stuck as Enji’s successor while Haruma is essentially raised by Fuyumi (and Touya when he still lived at home).

Similar to his siblings, he has a very strong sense of right and wrong, but because of the power dynamics in their family, Haruma feels powerless to do anything. In the presence of his parents, Haruma prefers to be invisible because his black and white views of right and wrong (he is 9-10), leads to a lot of upsetting cognitive dissonance where he can’t reconcile their words with their actions (mostly Rei since she does love him but is unnerved by how much he looks like Enji and his missing older brother (Natsuo), and she was in the mental hospital for as long as he can remember and doesn’t remember her good mom moments like his siblings).

Whereas Touya and Natsuo are about 4.5 years apart and had the opportunity to be close since Enji deemed them both as failed creations, Shouto and Haruma are about 4.75 years apart and haven’t been allowed to interact because of Enji’s rules. Touya relied on Natsuo emotionally and was close to him while Shouto decided to bear the weight of their family’s problems on his shoulders alone and pushed his younger brother away in an attempt to shield him. Both Haruma and Natsuo failed to succeed their older brothers like Enji had wanted them to. Because of their looks and Shouto’s status as the golden child, neither Haruma nor Natsuo had the chance to be close to their mother and relied on their older siblings to take care of them.

[milkywaystarboy]

🦋🐚🪐🍦 for the writers truth or dare game!

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately

this is kind of a loaded question, since i am unfortunately the type who overthinks and has a lot of fixations on things that cause me anxiety, but i will try to keep it to a light topic. hmmm. well, actually, i've been thinking a lot lately about how lucky i am and how much i love the people i've ended up living with. my life has been kind of a rollercoaster the last year, give or take a few months: i ended my relationship with the partner i'd been with for 4.5 years but still had to live with them and their other partner since we'd just renewed the lease a month before, plus the job i had hardly paid me enough to have food, much less be able to live on my own. my friends that i live with now spent a year helping me plan and prepare for a move across the country to live with them, and i honestly don't know where i'd be without them, because my prospects looked so bleak before. (i didn't have any friends in the area where i lived with my ex, and i was striking out on every job application.) as the world and especially the us seems to be devolving into a place where someone like me isn't safe to exist, having people support me through the roughest part of my life so far has meant more to me than i think i'll ever be able to truly express

🐚 ⇢ do you like or dislike surprises?

i like surprises a normal amount i think! at least good surprises. like, surprise gifts or parties are usually pretty nice, it lets me know people are thinking of me. as long as it doesn't cause too much disruption to things i might have already planned, i like surprise trips too

🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now

first thing is that i finally got a job! i've been unemployed for a couple months because of moving to a different state, but i'll be starting my new job at the end of this month. second good thing is that i'm finally feeling settled in to my new home and roommate situation, and third is that my roommate made fresh bread a few days ago, it's a simple pleasure but i appreciate it every time

🍦 ⇢ name three good things about a character you hate

this is tough bc i actually don't usually hate characters, it really takes a lot to make me hate a character, and also it's not very clear about what sort of "good things" i should list. i think i'll go with il dottore from genshin impact, though, since he's the exception that proves the rule. three good things about him: he is actually incredibly knowledgeable and skilled at what he does; he was willing to trade extremely rare knowledge and kill his clones in a deal that hardly benefited him personally; and he doesn't actually have much screen time in the game overall

[cy-gogglin]

Welcome to Johnny Cash’s world of whiskey, sin and lyrical doom

Johnny Cash is a Mount Rushmore figure in American music. He had a voice as deep and ancient as the wellspring from which his folk and country heritage sprang, and a face that might well have been carved from a mountainside. Across seven extraordinary decades as a recording artist, from his debut single Hey Porter (1955) to his 67th and final album American IV: The Man Comes Around (2002), Cash wrestled with love, hate, crime, punishment, forgiveness, redemption, death and salvation. He was the God-loving sinner who could deliver his most famous line, “I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die”, with the same conviction he brought to a gospel spiritual.

“I have a feeling for human nature in difficult situations – don’t know why, but I always have,” Cash told me during an interview in 2003, the year before he died at the age of 71. We spoke via a transatlantic phone call, and I can still recall the thrill of hearing him come on the line with the four words he’d uttered at thousands of concerts: “Hello, I’m Johnny Cash.” That famous gravel voice was instantly recognisable, if a little shaky with age. When I asked him whether, looking back over his long life, he had any regrets, he laughed. “None that I’d really like to publicise. I don’t cry in my beer – or milk, for that matter.”

Cash was then in the midst of a late-career flourish, releasing a series of stripped-back albums produced by Rick Rubin. More than just a coda to a rollercoaster career, the American series framed Cash as an immensely complex figure, embodying and embracing the many contradictions of being human. “Truth is what ties it all together,” he told me of his vast recorded output, almost all of it featuring sparse productions that made no concessions to fads. “I never thought about doing it any other way except the simple, straightforward bare-bones way that felt right in the beginning. It carries my message in the song without a lot of adornment. I try to keep it down to earth – play it as it lays and say it as it is.”

Standing 6’ 2”, and with an incomparable gravitas, Cash was a big man in every sense of the word, and it takes a big book to do him justice. The Life in Lyrics is a proper doorstopper, a large-format hardback of 374 pages that weighs in at 4.5 lbs. Structured partly chronologically and partly thematically, it attempts to tell a life story in songs and pictures, packed with 125 lyrics – from the 600-plus Cash composed – plus hundreds of photographs, handwritten letters and memorabilia from his personal archive.

Cash with his son John Carter Cash in the mid-1970s - White Rabbit

The photos are glorious. In shots from 1969, a year in which Cash saw off the challenge of Elvis Presley, The Beatles and Simon & Garfunkel to be named the biggest-selling recording artist in America, his hands are bony and rough-skinned, testament to a poor childhood spent picking cotton and fights. His face looks whip-thin and dust-blown, brow deeply furrowed, eyes sunken and haunted. Those were his wild, mean days of amphetamines and whiskey. “I always thought somebody was trailing me,” he told me in 2002. It may have been the ghost of his beloved older brother Jack, who died, aged 12, in a horrific chainsaw accident. “I probably never did get over it,” Cash admitted.

But he certainly worked through it. Among the classic songs that Cash composed, and are reproduced here, were the deathless romantic ballad I Walk the Line, the bitter confessional Folsom Prison Blues, the epic Big River, the tragicomic flood narrative Five Feet High and Rising, the careworn lament Don’t Take Your Guns to Town, and the stark protest song All of God’s Children Ain’t Free. At their best, Cash’s lyrics are carefully wrought, with the basic structures and rhyming schemes of folk poetry underpinned by rough-hewn wisdom, sharp observation and quick wit. His signature song, The Man in Black, from 1971, remains an enduringly powerful statement of empathy for his fellow man: “I wear black for the poor and beaten-down / Living on the hopeless hungry side of town.” 

These songs were written to be sung, however, and in The Life in Lyrics, without that inimitable voice to sustain them, their essential simplicity can appear trite. The accompanying text, written by authorised Cash biographer Mark Stiepler with dewy-eyed contributions from Cash’s son John Carter Cash, is informative but hagiographic, with a tendency to exaggerate achievements and gloss over failings. Cash’s brave 1969 anti-Vietnam war song, Route 1, Box 144, which describes a dead American soldier being returned to his family, may offer genuinely touching commentary, but is it really “the greatest argument for peace ever devised”?

There’s also an unfortunate tendency to brush over or excuse the darker elements of Cash’s life, the drug addictions, infidelities and appalling behaviour – despite the fact that these gave his music so much depth. The 1964 hit Understand Your Man is a song of spectacular bitterness directed at his soon-to-be ex-wife Valerie while he was already having an affair with future wife June Carter, yet it warrants only a brief, glib paragraph. I could have done with fewer stories about the deeply pious impulses behind Cash’s gospel hymns, and more tales about, say, the time he smashed every crystal chandelier in a hotel lobby in a drug-fuelled rage over his amorous rejection by a friend’s widow. The Man in Black accepted the darkness within him: it’s a disservice to try to whitewash his image now.

As well as being a songwriter, Cash was an interpreter who could make a song completely his own, but this aspect of his art is inevitably missing from a book of his lyrics, so there’s no commentary on such Cash hits as Ring of Fire, A Boy Named Sue, The Ballad of Ira Hayes, Highwayman or his definitive cover of Hurt (originally by the industrial metal group Nine Inch Nails). We do, however, learn of the genesis of one of his last and finest songs, the mysterious, apocalyptic The Man Comes Around. Composed in 2000, it was apparently inspired by a dream about Queen Elizabeth II, who told him: “Johnny Cash, you’re like a thorn tree in a whirlwind.”

In the last song Cash wrote, Like the 309, he imagined being carried away by a heavenly train, and viewed it with anticipatory relish: “Take me to the depot, put me to bed / Blow an electric fan on my gnarly old head.” As we reach the end of this mighty book, with the cumulative impact of Cash’s sincere words, the photos of his creased face changing over the years, his clear and consistent love for June and family and, indeed, his fellow man, the final pages become incredibly moving. Blind and weakened, Cash awaits his inevitable end, still embracing life with humour and pathos. 

When I spoke to him that day, he was stoically suffering ill health, and in such constant pain that, having kicked his pill addiction, he was required to take painkillers just to function. Yet, when I asked what was the best advice he had ever received, he didn’t miss a beat. “Don’t sleep with your whiskey bottle by the bed,” he said, laughing deep and low. “That’s a piece of advice that has probably kept me alive this long.”

Johnny Cash: The Life in Lyrics is published by White Rabbit

Story by Neil McCormick || The Telegraph

[elenichr]

Year of Lists

July Books

She a long one

I also left this so late, I don't remember much

The Trespasser by Tana French - don't remember anything about this, just that I enjoyed speeding through it. I think Tana French's work has that quality of quiet enjoyment to it. A small break from reality - so a 3*? (that's my goodreads rating anw)

Μαμά by Μαργαρίτα Καραπάνου *4.7/5 - this, I do remember. It's a quick read, much of Karapanou is; none of it is light and this one is darker and more complex than most. It's a melee of the writer's relationship with/memory of her mother. Vignettes, impressions, memories, snippets of a life lived, felt or imagined. Karapanou was a remarkable artist, and boy, could she weave a sentence.

I'm Not Here to Give a Speech by Gabriel García Márquez *4.5/5 - delightful; just a neat little collection of speeches. Isn't it funny how gifted some people are at things they don't really enjoy doing?

American Born Chinese by Gene Luen Yang *5/5 - nothing to see here. Love all around. <3 <3

Tokyo Express by Seichō Matsumoto *3.5/5 - this was yummy. If you find oldish, matter-of-fact writing, noir-type police procedurals with limited but astute action delicious, this is for you.

Girl Goddess Queen by Bea Fitzgerald *4/5 - okay. Hear me out.

*sidenote* This is Lore Olympus in novel form. So much so that I wondered if Bea Fitzgerald wasn't a pen name for Rachel Smythe and vice versa.

--

Was it repetitive, occasionally annoyingly so? Yes. Did I think it could have benefitted from better editing? Yes. Did I obsess over it and think about the characters and the slow-burn romance of it all for at least a week? Yes. Did I buy Bea Fitzgerald's new novel a day into publication and can't wait to read it but I'm travelling a lot and didn't want to carry it cause it's huge? Yes. Did it make me hyperfixate on finding the epic romance of the decade - the century even, the book that makes your knees tremble, to no avail? Yes.

I loved this. I loved this so so much, flaws and all.

*sidenote, again* Madeline Miller rewriting Persephone too - would love to read that version

The Familiar by Leigh Bardugo - like a 3*. It's not something that sticks but it's readable and you do care when you're reading it. One thing I can say for certain, I was sure I wanted to read more Leigh Bardugo, and I have, since reading this, spent a lot of time on deciding what that'll be. (Six of Crows, probably this Autumn, early Winter)

Little Rot by Akwaeke Emezi *3.7/5 - It's a good narrative from a very talented writer/artist, whose work I've admired from the get-go and will continue to consume either til the end, or til the potentially inevitable decline. The .7 purely on talent.

These Violent Delights by Chloe Gong - deets on this with the sequel which I read in August - and it's a lot

[empatheticnymph]

A Blog: Things I’ve done to better my Mental Health.

While on my 4.5 mo Mental Health disability leave. 👇

Things I’ve done to better my Mental Health:

Trying different modalities of Therapy for my trauma.

Getting an updated diagnosis after 16 yrs.

Got a gym membership; go at least 3x a week.

Goes hiking / walking 4x a week.

Got a Library card and picked up my love for novels.

Taking a massive social media break after being on it constantly for work and personal for 6+ years.

Working on eating breakfast and most meals.

Taking my medication as directed by professionals.

Attempting to create lasting friendships and relationships because I’m missing a big part of that in my life.

Being supportive and receptive to my loving partner as we navigate our forever life.

Spent time with family, grandparents and cousins I haven’t seen in years.

Getting closer to my son and watching us find our confidence together.

Letting go of little things that have taken unnecessary room in my brain.

Journaling more.

Putting all my poetry on the computer to soon make it into a book.

Finding myself, the love I have for life and everyone around me.

Putting boundaries up for toxic people and family.

[shellysaurus-rex]

Fire Emblem: Engage OC Chanelle

Basic Information:

Name: Chanelle

Age: 22

Bio: Chanelle is a simple villager born in Elusia, though is now residing in Firene. She has spent her time growing up in a sheltered life by her worrisome parents ever since she was diagnosed with a difficult heart disease. She oft works as a woodcutter and is well versed in wood craft, especially that of detailed wood carvings that she used to bide her time at home sick. 

❤ More Info Below  ❤

Ally Notebook:

Initial Page;

Initial Class: Bow Knight (Axe)

Birthday: 21st of March

Basic Info: A sheltered villager from Firene who left her home independently while in search of the Divine One. After being rescued from Corrupted she subsequently joined the Divine Dragon’s army.  

C Rank;

Likes: Woodcraft, Medicines, Almonds, Flowers, Fruits, Cute things, Animals (Especially cats)

Dislikes: Death, Sickness, Socializing, Noisy situations, Becoming tongue tied

B Rank;

Hobbies: Carving wooden animals

Talents: Attention to precise detail

Background: Born from a destitute village in Elusia, she and her family moved to Firene after she was diagnosed with an illness in search for a skilled doctor.

A Rank;

Height: 5′7″

Ring Size: 4.5 | I

Personality: Kindhearted and gentle, but flusters easily and can quickly become upset. Has an inability to socialize with others and is shy and startles easily as a result. She has a habit of saying generally incomprehensible things. The one most likely to smuggle in odd animals in the army.

S Rank;

Life with Chanelle: No longer becomes tongue tied in the presence of the Divine Dragon and feels completely at ease and safe in their loving company. Most of her devoted crafts have now become gifts for her beloved. As such she keeps the Pact Ring in an artistically crafted jewelry box of her own making.

Supports:

-Divine Dragon -Framme -Etie -Louis -Jean -Anna -Alcryst -Lapis -Zelkov -Pandreo -Merrin -Mauvier -Gregory -Griss

Possible Endings:

-Voluble Spirit Chanelle As the years went on Chanelle was finally able to overcome her sickness. She then made the decision to travel the world freely on her own now that nothing held her back. Her travels lead her back to Elusia where she then settled down, starting her own wood crafting workshop where she would then deliver the toys she’d made to the children who struggled after war.

-Chanelle and Alear Alear became the new Divine Dragon Monarch. His/Her bonds with the rulers of each nation resulted in a lasting peace. With the Divine Dragon’s everlasting attentiveness, Chanelle was finally able to overcome sickness and beamed with health and happiness by her beloveds’ side for the rest of her days.

Battle Quotes:

Changing Class: “I-I’m not opposed to a little more change! Here I come!”

Leveling Up: “Yikes, not feeling too great after that…” (0 to 1) “Really seems like I’m starting to make inroads here!” (2 to 3) “I bet ma and pa will be proud to see how far I’ve come!” (4 to 5) “WOOHOO! This is better than a honey soaked almond cake!! O-Oh.. I mean I feel good..!” (6+) “Whoa, am I cured..? No, this incredible feeling is something else entirely!” (Reaching Max Level)

When Selected: “Ready..!” (Full Health) “Lead the way.” (Full Health) “A-Are you sure?” (Full Health) “I’m alright!” (Medium Health) “They’re tough.” (Medium Health) “I won’t give in.” (Medium Health) “This is bad...” (Low Health) “Need medicine…” (Low Health)

Critical Attack: “Allow me!” “You’re not gonna enjoy this!” “Back off already!” “I will not stand down!”

Defeated Enemy: “I’m so sorry!” “No turning back.” “Whoa, I did it..!” “My heart’s still pounding…” “I’ll get even stronger!”

Ally Defeats Enemy: ”Oh! Thanks I guess..!” “You’re good!”

Ally Heals: “Ah.. That’s much better…” “Th-Thanks so much!” “Much obliged.”

Emblem Engage: ”E-Emblem Engage!” “Let’s us do this! I-I mean-!”

Post-Battle Exploration:

Chapter-Specific: 

“Thanks for this opportunity, Divine One. I’m a little nervous, but I hope that my skills – as feeble as they are – can be of any use to you and yours.” (Own Paralogue) “To think that I would meet him again here like this… Oh! Sorry Divine One… Just talking to myself again…” (Chapter 11) “I absolutely cannot forgive him no matter what… these poor people… and yet…” (Chapter 17) “I was born in Elusia but moved to Firene, did you know? Divine Dragon? Fell Dragon? None of that stuff has ever really mattered to me. You’re you, Alear.” (Chapter 20) “To think that he just stood there and watched his own comrade die with such an easygoing look… What a monster you have become, Griss…” (Chapter 21) “You gave me a right start miss/mister! You should be thankful my heart didn’t just stop altogether! But I’m glad that you’re back with us now…” (Chapter 22) “It’s done isn’t it…? He’s finally gone… I should be thankful but… I can’t stop this hollow feeling in my heart… I’m sorry Divine One, I need to be alone for a while…” (Chapter 23)

Battle-Specific:

“I appreciate being able to kick back in spite of things happening; but I’d also like to do my part as well, Divine One.” (Not Deployed)

“I think I’m getting pretty used to this ‘fighting a war’ thing! Aha… That’s not to say I find the idea of war fun or anything of course…” (Deployed Numerously)

“Did you see me out there, Divine One? I’m getting pretty tough, don’t’cha think?” (Leveled Up)

“Everyone is saying that I was ferocious out there today, but I only did what I thought everyone else was doing… I’m honestly a little embarrassed…” (MVP)

“You’re getting pretty tough, Divine One. I’m glad to have stuck around with someone so dependable.” (Alear Leveled Up)

“Way to go, Divine One! You really hit a hard on their numbers! I-I mean you really hit their numbers hard…” (Alear MVP)

“That poor boy… He only wanted to become a doctor… and now we have to explain to his parents that their child won’t be coming home anymore…” (If Jean died in battle)

“To think we lost Lady Anna… she was still a little girl… This is just wrong, Divine One.” (If Anna died in battle)

“Why did we ever decide to bring children into this war Divine One!? My heart cannot take this anymore!” (If Jean and Anna died in battle)

“Gregory… Even though he was merely from another world, I still felt as close to him as… Fate is cruel, Divine One.” (If Gregory died in battle)

Location-Specific: 

“Wow Divine One! I never thought I’d be able to take in sights such as these! Thank you!” (Default)

“Whoa! I could have sworn I saw some kind of kitten scamper past! Let’s go catch it!” (Default)

“Do you wanna go for a little walk together, Alear? Even a Divine Dragon should get some fresh air while they can.” (Default)

“This place is pretty right? I’ve often travelled through here with my ma when we frequent the doctors.” (Florra Mill Town)

“Oh great gravy, to be inside Firene Castle is an incredible feat for a wee ol’ villager gal like me… Am I really allowed to be in here, Divine One?” (Firene Castle)

“Goodness, I shudder to think what kind of horrors even transpired here.” (Mountain Settlement)

“What in the name of... this huge is a bridge!? Gah, I mean this is a huge bridge...!” (The Grand Crossing)

“Firene Castle was one thing, now I’m here at Brodia’s own Royal Castle too! You’re amazing, Divine One!” (Brodia Castle)

“How are you holding up, Divine One? I’m kinda used to the cold, but I suppose you were bundled warm in blankets all these years so...” (Fort on the Border)

“What a truly terrifying place to be in... let’s return to the Somniel as soon as we can, if you don’t mind.” (Destinea Cathedral)

“Such a chilling place... being here fills me with unease, but it must feel worse for you I’d bet...” (Shadowy Moor)

“I can handle the cold just fine, but this place is a little hot don’t you think so? I need to find some shade...” (Tullah Desert)

“Deserts sure are strange, during the day they’re unbearably hot but at night it feels almost as though I’m in Elusia.” (Oasis Village)

“It feels strange, but I’m getting pretty used to wandering inside palace walls now. Oh! But I must remember to remain respectful!” (Solm Palace)

“Ma and pa told me stories of places like this... they’re creepy. Let’s hope we don’t find any kind of bandage wrapped monster here.” (Northern Fortress)

“I used to go swimming in the village lakes back at home, ma and pa would get mad when I came home cold and sopping wet though...” (Azure Coast)

“Being here only reminds me of that day... such an animalistic fury in his eyes... I-I have to remain strong.” (Florra Port)

“Ugh... I feel a little dizzy. I’m gonna go and sit down for a while... do you need a drink Divine One?” (Route to Elusia)

“I wanted to check out one of the abandoned houses for any survivors... Divine One... I saw... I... I need a hug...” (Givre Port)

“Thought I’d be happy to see yet another grandiose castle, but I can’t shake the feeling that being here holds a really foreboding aura...” (Elusia Castle)

“What an awful mess… This was your home wasn’t it, Divine One? I’m so sorry…” (Lythos Castle)

“This place still makes me feel uneasy… but also as though someone is watching over me…” (Lava Fields)

“Time travel huh? Now I’ve truly seen it all... Although I doubt ma and pa will even believe me if I told them...” (Mountainous Region)

“Being here makes my chest hurt more than anything, but I’m glad that you’re here to keep me steadfast.” (Gradlon Temple) 

Death Quote:

“No.. I can’t…!” (Pre Death Quote) “Ough, that smarts… Forgive my carelessness, Divine One… I should pull back and see to a doctor now…” (Casual Mode) “Damn it… I don’t want to go yet but… It was only a matter of time before sickness took me anyways…” (Classic Mode)

In Somniel:

“I gotta admit, It was kinda scary when I first came here. But now it feels almost like a second home to me.” (Default)

“Always good to stock up before battle, I should remember to grab more elixirs while I’m here.” (Plaza)

“I usually help with the cooking at home, so it’s a little weird having others cook such nice meals for me.” (Café Terrace)

“This beats the lakes at my village by a long shot! It’s not murky and suspicious looking at all!” (Pool)

“Do you have a favorite fruit, Divine One? I’m pretty partial towards strawberries.” (Orchard)

“Pa likes to fish, he used to show me how to when I was younger. Though the big fish used to frighten me a little...” (Pond)

“I’ve gotta remember to stay in shape. Chopping wood only helps strengthen my arms after all.” (Training Yard)

“Having all these darling animals up close will make my crafts easier! And I enjoy being able to pet them like this firsthand.” (Farmyard)

“Did you come to get some fresh air too, Alear? It’s good on my chest just to get away from it all sometimes.” (Lookout Ridge)

“Oh? Is it really my birthday? I can’t believe you remembered it before me..! Th-Thank you Divine One...” (Their Birthday)

“Divine One! Happy Birthday! I know it’s not a lot, but I made this special for you!” (Alear’s Birthday)

“It still doesn’t feel real... almost like I’m floating away elsewhere. But I feel steadied again whenever I see your smile.” (Pact Ring)

“I love you, Alear. Please promise me that you’re always taking good care of yourself too... I couldn’t bear it if I lost you...” (Pact Ring)

Gifts:

“Oh this is ba-b-b-brilliant! I meant to say brilliant! Th-Thanks so much, Divine One!” (Disliked)

“Can I really have this? I’ll have to craft you something in return!” (Liked)

“OHMYGOSH! Thanks you so much! Guh! I mean..! Thank you so much, Divine One!” (Favorite)

“AHHHH WHOSE HORSE IS THIS EVEN FROM!? NOOO DON’T GIVE IT TO ME?! THROW IT AWAY NOW!” (Horse Manure)

Café Terrace:

“I know a thing or two about cooking! My ma and pa are excellent teachers!” (On Duty Quote)

Cooking; “That sounds a bit exquisite, but I’ll try...!” (Expert Dish) “Hmm... should be a cinch. You just kick back.” (Capable Dish) “I’ll do my absolute best!” (Eager Dish)

Results; “I-I don’t believe it myself but...” (Perfect Result) “I suppose it could be worse... or better...” (Decent Result) “Um... How do you guys like it?” (Good Result) “Something went horribly, horribly wrong...” (Bad Result)

Sharing Meal; “This meal is incredibly so good! Uh-! Wait.. I got a little excited there... l-let me try that again..!” (Favorite Dish) “This taste is better than the stuff we make together at home! Thank you!” (Neutral Dish) “U-Ugh! M-My insides... hurt?! I-I should take some medicine immediately. Before I...!” (Disliked Dish)

Arena:

Introduction; ”You sure I’m cut out for this?” “Yikes! A-Are we going all out?” ”I’m Chanelle, I-I’ll do my best!”

Win; “Huh? I-I won?”

Loss; “Ahaha... Saw that one coming...”

Wake-Up Events: 

C1:

“Divine One? I’m coming in if that’s alright? Still asleep, are you? That’s okay, I can just sit here and carve to pass the time a little.”

“Ah! You’re awake already? I wonder if you can guess what animal it is that I’m making...? That’s right, it’s a puppy! Woof Woof! Ah.. I’ll be going now...”

“DAH!! Y-YOU AWOKENED UP EARLY! I-I mean you woke up early! S-Sorry, I’ll go ahead and leave you to it..!” (Waking Early)

C2:

“I wonder why it is they asked me to do this... surely there are others far more important for the task. Hm.. what a peaceful sleeper you are...”

“Gah! I-I didn’t think you’d wake up like that...! I-I’m really sorry, I didn’t disturb you with my idle ramblings did I?” 

“GUH- GREAT GRACIOUSNESS! D-Don’t sit up so suddenly like that! I thought you were some kind of undead, Divine One!” (Waking Early)

B1:

“Divine One! O-Oh! They’re asleep! I should shut up! Or... maybe I shouldn’t shut up? Sir Vander did ask that I wake you after all... Hmm....”

“Maybe if I bang together some pots and pans like ma used to... AH! H-How long have you been awake Divine One? You frightened me..!”

“Aha! You’re up and at em anyway! Perfect! Now I don’t have to decide whether I need to rouse you or not!” (Waking Early)

B2:

“Ah, sleeping as per usual I see... Reminds me of when I too spent most of my days sick in a bed... I’m sorry I got so flustered last we spoke, It’s just... so frustrating...” 

“O-Oh! Divine One! N-No I wasn’t saying anything, just coming to check in on you like everyone else in the army seems to do!”

“Eep! D-Divine One! H-How much of that did you hear exactly? How embarrassing... I-I’ll just be taking my leave now...” (Waking Early)

A1:

“Huh... It’s not even my turn to wake you up and yet I find myself coming here anyways... I suppose you’ve got that kind of effect on people though... especially me... You’re a good person, Divine One...”

“Good morning..! I hope you slept well... W-What do you mean I didn’t get startled this time? I-Is it wrong that I’m getting comfortable around you now?”

“Huh? You’re already awake? Aha, well now that you’re up why don’t I show you some more of my current crafts I’m working on?” (Waking Early)

A2:

“Hey there, Divine One... I just wanted to thank you for what you did... and those kind words you said... You’ve become very important to me, so I hope no one as wonderful as you ever has to go through a sickness like mine...”

“Ah... You must’ve heard all of that right? That’s a little embarrassing, but for some reason I don’t really mind either... Please always take care of yourself, Divine One.” 

“Oh...! Sorry, my worrisome carrying on must’ve woken you... Y-You don’t mind? It’s a relief to hear you say that, my friend.” (Waking Early)

P1:

“Hello Divine One... Uh well... I suppose if we’re partners now I should be calling you something different, right? Something more endearing I guess? Maybe.. Hello d-d-darling? N-No that’s so embarrassing..!”

“Ah! Darling, did you hear all of that!? W-Wait ‘darling’!? I-I meant to say Divine One! Honest! Oh no... I’m just as nervous as when we first met...!”

“Oh! Good morning D-D-Da-Dar-vine One! Huh? W-What was I really about to say you ask? Um... how about we talk about something else for a little while?” (Waking Early)

P2:

“Feels strange entering this place as your beloved partner rather than just being on wake-up duty again... Ah... and you’re wearing the ring that I made you too... Th-That’s fine, I can keep my cool... b-but you’re just so... so... 

“So sweet..! G’oh-! I’m sorry for stirring you..! I guess I can admit I got a little worked up seeing you wearing my ring... but as you can see, I’ve gotten your ring with me as well..! I feel at ease just knowing that a bit of you is always with me, you know what I mean?”

“Ah! Y-You gave me a start, partner..! I suppose that’s my fault for getting a little distracted though... how about we go walk together now that you’re up?” (Waking Early)

[therevengeoffrankenstein]

my 2023 year in review (data/stats/numbers)

this year, mental illness kicked my ass until it didn't (when fabba came back), and then about a week ago, it started kicking my ass again. i wish i had spent more of the year escaping into art. 2023 was the first year in a while, i feel, that has had this low numbers.

part of that is because my special interest in the 2000s emo scene was reawakened by fob's return, so much of my year was spent re-obsessing over them. rediscovering a bunch of music that made me happy ages 12-15, a time period full of suicidal ideation. my suicidal thoughts and impulses were slain, once again, by the fabbaboos like champions in an arena. 'are you not entertained?' and all that.

(the only 're-'s i am counting are film re-watches, so no album re-listens are counted in that. so a bunch of the stuff i did this year is not being counted! i actually listened to a lot more music than i have catalogued here, i just don't personally log re-listens in my physical media log, so they aren't counted here.)

another part of this is that i spent so much of the year working on my own projects, working on myself, and trying to manage my mental illnesses. i quit drugs and wanting to kill myself! i'm learning spanish! i'm graduating in a few months! this is not an apology; i just prefer to do a lot more stuff to distract me from all the horribleness in my life </3.

this is a (hopefully) complete-ish log of stuff i did this year bc i like number and data and keeping logs because i have an intense, immense fear of lack of permanence/forgetting/losing things because i have lost and forgotten so much stuff in my life 😁😁😁

this is going to get long, so i'm putting it under a cut.

movies watched: 54

top 10 best movies, loosely ranked best to worst:

the revenge of frankenstein (1958) (re-watch) (5 stars)

moustachette (2009) (re-watch) (5 stars)

a field in england (2013) (5 stars)

barbie (2023) (5 stars)

the curse of frankenstein (1957) (re-watch) (5 stars)

spider-man: across the spider-verse (2023) (5 stars)

how to get ahead in advertising (1989) (5 stars)

field of dreams (1989) (5 stars)

the boy and the heron (2023) (4.5 stars)

withnail & i (1987) (4.5 stars)

die hard (1988) (4.5 stars)

honorable mentions: akira (1988), his girl friday (1940), juno (2007), guardians of the galaxy vol. 3 (2023), a clockwork orange (1971)

top 5 worst films, loosely ranked worst to best:

black jack (1981) (2 stars)

lust for a vampire (1971) (2 stars)

some may live (1967) (3 stars)

renfield (2023) (3 stars)

men at work (1990) (3 stars)

*

i don't really watch that much television, so i'm not logging it here. i did watch a bunch of tv, but not enough to really warrant a wrapped.

*

books read: 7 (+3 issues of do a powerbomb) (+ part of great expectations by charles dickens, but i haven't finished it yet 🥰)

ranked, best to worst:

gray by pete wentz, james montgomery (4.5 stars)

landline by rainbow rowell (4.5 stars)

the last command by timothy zahn (4.5 stars)

the secret diary of laura palmer by jennifer lynch (4 stars)

attachments by rainbow rowell (4 stars)

specter of the past by timothy zahn (3.5 stars)

do a powerbomb by daniel warren johnson (first three issues, 3.5 average stars)

death star by steve perry, michael reaves (2 stars)

*

i still haven't received my spotify wrapped in full because it won't load all the way through, so that is going to have to wait. but i am an album listener through and through, so here are some album stats!

i'm only counting albums that are new to me/i previously hadn't listened to all the way through, so this doesn't count re-listens :/

this also IS counting eps.

albums listened to: 29

top 10 albums, best to worst:

soul punk (2011) by patrick stump (5 stars)

so much (for) stardust (2023) by fall out boy (5 stars)

purple rain (1984) by prince (5 stars)

hot mess (2009) by cobra starship (5 stars)

transgender dysphoria blues (2014) by against me! (5 stars)

can't buy a thrill (1972) by steely dan (5 stars)

like vines (2006) by the hush sound (5 stars)

bleed american (2001) by jimmy eat world (5 stars)

this is why (2023) by paramore (4.5)

flamboyant (2019) by dorian electra (4.5 stars)

honorable mentions: where sleeplessness is rest from nightmares (2001) by arma angelus; the land is inhospitable and so are we (2023) by mitski; old world underground, where are you now? (2003) by metric; phantomime (ep) (2023) by ghost; sempiternal (2013) by bring me the horizon

loosely ordered, non-exhaustive 10 of my favorite new-to-me songs:

fake out by fall out boy

run dry (x heart x fingers) / cryptozoology by patrick stump

love from the other side by fall out boy

thick skull by paramore

so much (for) stardust by fall out boy

allie by patrick stump

bleed american by jimmy eat world

i would die 4 u by prince (there would be more prince on this list, but i had listened to much of purple rain already, so!)

you're not in on the joke by cobra starship

to feel no more bitterness forever by arma angelus

*

personal project wrapped!

poems: 37

the bc wip: 6146 words (daily writing streak not broken since i started it 😁)

the mi wip: 836 words

the epdb wip: 1697 words

other stuff: ???

i've written too many songs/scraps of songs to count those.

*

10 favorite real world things + stuff i'm grateful/proud that happened:

got hardcore back into fall out boy !

saw fall out boy live !

saw ghost live !

sobered up and became straight edge !

overcame suicidal urges (kinda) !

have been learning how to read music and play piano better !

went to the pmu !

read 'gray' by pete wentz !

curbed my righteous anger / learned to cope with anger better !

have been learning spanish !

honorable mentions: learning to be a better friend, have been keeping up a writing streak with the bc wip + haven't missed a single day since i started, started the mi wip, have been putting myself out there more, doing things scared, writing a shit ton of poetry + sharing it, got clandestine merch, keeping to my dietary restrictions, recovering from onychotillomania!

[streamacademe]

Final Diary Entry

Dear Diary,

It’s been a while. 

I was meaning to write this final post around January, just after my graduation but life got in the way, as it so often does. That’s right, I graduated! Wore the cap, donned the robes, and drank the champagne! 🎓🥂

Just before graduation, I was out in Russia; finally went back after 4.5 years. I am really glad I made the decision to go as I spent the entire time out there looking after my very poorly dad. Sadly, it was the last time I saw him as he subsequently died at the end of March, a few days after which I went back to Russia to deal with what was left behind. I was off work for 5 weeks and am now doing my best to get back on my feet, to navigate this new reality without him in my life. So, all in all, it’s been a bit rubbish, hence the delay in writing, but alas, we move.

I think a big part of the resilience and strength I found within myself over the last few months has come from my PhD, and which I will carry through to whatever other challenges life throws my way. 

I am a Dr, I am still here, I love my job, I am writing journal paper 4/6, I am getting married in 5 months. In the words of Rupi Kaur:

“And here you are, living, despite it all.”

This is officially my last post. 

To all you lovely people, thank you for reading. I leave you with this... You are the only one in charge of your own fate. Take the precious time you have on this planet and utilise it to the fullest. Do not let anyone or anything dictate how you choose to live your life. Work hard. Be kind. And on your worst days, remember, the sun will rise, and you can try again. 

xxx

Photo: I did a thing. Source: University of Sheffield photo people.