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#I have so many dreams yet i can barely walk down the stairs without feeling sheer exhaustion each time I lift a leg
void-girl · 2 years
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i cant eat, cant sleep, cant do laundry, cant work, cant clean, all I do is sit here and rot, consuming media and writing/drawing. I havent showered, havent brushed my teeth, the only thing I can bring myself to do is take care of our dog and two cats.... I feel so fucking sick in the head
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isalisewrites · 5 months
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A ramble on writing where April broke my heart
Hooo boi.
March was a dream in comparison to April.
Emergency gallbladder surgery? Someone faking their death in my server? Good times. I wanna go back.
I have been through much in three short months. April has shown that it's taken a toll. I have missed many more days of writing. I'm still missing them in May. But I'm slowly gripping onto the last vestiges of my raw determination, all while in the face of so much.
I had a falling out with my closest family member that shook me to the core of my heart. I barely slept for most of the month again. Gallbladder surgery has proven to have some complications on my nervous system, making normal daily life difficult where it's hard to sit or lie down without experiencing full body numbness and tingling in various areas, including my hands and fingers. (No, not blood clots. 100% without a doubt it's my nerves.)
If you've followed me here (post one and two) and have read my author's on Terrible, But Great Chapter 30, then you know what went down with my family member. It took so much of my time and energy. I wrote well over 8,000 words trying to reason with this family member, only for all of it to be scorned and mocked. A part of me feels like that energy was wasted. I could have 8,000 more words in TBG, but I don't. This is all I have.
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A part of me looks at it and says, "Give it back. Give me back my writing." What happened to January? Or even February? What happened to the girl who could wake up at 4am in the morning, an hour before she had to leave for her hysteroscopy, to power write 700 words?
Some days, I go up the stairs and I'm winded like I ran a marathon.
Some days, if I walk on the treadmill for more than 6 to 10 minutes, I feel like I'm dying.
It's been an uphill battle. The struggle is real, but so am I.
In the last week of December of 2023, when I realized how long it would take me to finish Terrible, But Great, I was overcome with what I call 'The Stirring.' I don't know what else to call it, but it always has an air of mystery and premonition for what it is to come. I thought at that time, "If I had limited time to live, what do I want to do?"
"I want to write."
So, I did.
In 2023, I published a total of 43,000 words in TBG. In 2024, from January to April, I've written 110,604 words and have published 35,000 words thus far. The year isn't even halfway over and I've done better this year than I have last year.
In spite of it all, I'm doing pretty damn good.
There's still hope. I'm not giving up. It might feel like morale is low, but it's not. I'm going to keep going as much as I can through all the hardships because writing is truly the one thing that breathes life into me.
By the end of April, I finished my business class with an essay about how the class shifted my beliefs. This class in combination with all of my health issues and social conflicts sparked an overwhelming revelation and a new rising determination within my soul.
You see, you all have witnessed my love and passion for writing Terrible, But Great, a Harry Potter fanfiction, but I also have original stories that I've wanted to write. Yet, I haven't been able to finish them because I'm always thinking about the market in the real world, instead of what I want and what the story wants. Fanfiction, I can do whatever the hell I want and yall are just gonna have to strap in and hold onto dear life cause it's gonna be a bumpy ride. Original novels, however, are done differently and I've often struggled due to so many factors.
I have ADHD. I am autistic. I have health issues which are rapidly piling up on top of each other. My career choice might not even be feasible for me in the long run, so why I am allowing myself to be pressured into doing more than I can handle with a class load?
I want to write. I want to write. I want to create.
Oh, how I want to create.
So, I will.
Two years ago, I gave up on my dream of writing original novels and earning a living through them. I've since repented of that notion. As I continue write Terrible, But Great, I'm also going to be working on my original novels on the side. Someday, perhaps, I'll be able to earn a living as a published author.
That's my realistic ideal.
I wrote 457 words today, May 9th. That's good enough. The goal this month is to write more than April. I can do that. On the days where prose is hard, I simply write my scene idea in a zero draft style. I don't worry about the prose; I'll fix it later. Every word counts. Every word can be changed. Every word can be made better.
Every word is good enough.
Until next month.
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You know you have to fix it now Ash
(following on this glorious angst waterfall Vee wrote!)
-
It is cold. It's fucking freezing out here. This place plays tricks on you, warm enough that he sweats in long sleeves sometimes in daylight but shivers without a coat at night.
He doesn't care. It doesn't fucking matter anyway. What else is he going to lose? A toe? A foot? He could lose his entire fucking leg and he wouldn't even mind. He already lost everything once.
What's the worst that can happen if the worst has already happened?
There's an answer to that. Losing the first person to give a shit about him since then. The worst part is that it's his own fault, too. He was having a nightmare. Robert was going after one of the others with a hammer and when he was done, Jameson could still hear her weeping as Robert went up the stairs. In the dream, he'd been lying on the couch, too. And he couldn't move an inch.
Then Robert had touched him and said, Your turn. Time to put the dog out of its misery. There was blood on the hammer, blood and... other parts of a person. When his eyes opened, he saw Robert leaning over him, and the knife is always there. He didn't know.
He didn't know.
Safer to throw insults and accusations, to get Taron off the scent of the nightmare itself. Safer to, to maybe hope it would be that - maybe Taron did want to fool around on the couch while Zizi slept upstairs. Jameson would let him do whatever he wanted. He can show how grateful he is. He can prove it.
He wants to.
But Taron has been safe. Someone Jameson could dream about, think about with his eyes closed and sliding his hand into his pants in the dark when they've gone to bed. He can do that and know it would never happen.
So why...
Why did it feel safer to hope Taron did want that, instead of admitting he was scared? Just... afraid of the shit in his own brain.
Whatever. He was going to ruin this eventually anyway. Everybody wants something, for a kindness. Nobody is nice for free. And Jameson only has the one thing to trade, and it's the one thing Taron didn't want. Eventually he would stop being a novelty or something fun to help and it would have ended like this.
His toes tingle inside the boots Taron gave him, crunching in roadside gravel and debris. Nobody on the road - it isn't even dawn yet. Some dog barks somewhere in the distance and Jameson hunches further into himself, hoping it stays in the distance. He doesn't like dogs. Well, not many.
The sky is clear and empty, an explosion of stars above his head. He's been walking for an hour but the dim orange glow of the city is still a long way away. Here, he can see everything. Wind rustles through grass. The dog barks again, echoing, bouncing around the landscape.
He left the knife, he realizes. Dropped it when he ran. He hasn't got a weapon, nothing defensive but his fists. And he's a shit fighter.
Fuck it.
He can get another fucking knife. Taron can have it. Something to remember him by.
Some part of him had hoped, like a stupid child, that Taron would come after him in his truck, heater running, and ask him to come back. But nothing. And... This was a step too far. He's hurt someone now. Someone who just wanted to help.
Jameson is just so fucking tired of trying to survive alone, but thanks to his own bullshit it's the only choice he has.
By the time he makes it to the first suburban neighborhoods, the nearly rural outposts that ring the city, he's barely shuffling his feet. The sun is rising, and his fingers are so cold they feel warm again. The sun is rising, and still...
He has work. Jameson was supposed to help out today. Now he'll have a bandage on his arm and he'll tell them how fucking dangerous I am. There'll be a picture of my face saying I'm not welcome anymore, taped right in the door. Assaulting the boss. Hurting-... my friend, maybe. Fucking idiot.
A bitter laugh finds its way out of him, and he sinks boneless and aching down to sit on a curb, head in his hands.
He's crying and he isn't sure how long he's been crying for. But he can't seem to stop. He cries as quietly as he can, while the sun wipes out every hint of the starlight. Eventually, he sees a man come out of a house on the phone and Jameson gets hurriedly to his feet and shuffles away as fast as he can. He isn't stupid enough to wait for the cops to show up and ask to see his wrist.
He finds a soup kitchen to eat at, taking toast and butter and some bitter weak instant coffee. There's even some scrambled eggs, hard and rubbery and, possibly, not even actually made of eggs. He eats it all, red-eyed and still sniffling. The other guys at the table call him ugly and ask how he got the scar on his face.
I trusted a nice girl who said she'd buy me dinner. I didn't know any better. I thought people would help me. I thought I might deserve help.
He just grunts.
One of the people working the soup kitchen is that woman Taron is friends with. Flannel over a Tshirt, jeans, long brown hair in a braid going gray. She greets him cheerfully. He can't tell if she recognizes him or if she just talks to everyone this way. If she does know him, she doesn't show it. Just dishes him out seconds on eggs and offers him a blueberry muffin for the road, plus a little pack of Kleenex 'for your allergies'.
He recognizes the simple act of kindness - letting him keep his tears for himself - but for a second he has no idea how to reply. Then, he mutters, "Thanks," and turns away. His feet hurt like hell. He needs somewhere to crash.
There's a shelter attached to the soup kitchen. They don't have any beds but say he can nap on a couch for a couple hours. He takes them up on it, curling around his backpack - the one Taron gave him, full of supplies just in case, because he knew Jameson is shit and would need to be kicked out one day - so nobody can steal it.
While he dozes, Nat steps into the kitchen to wash dishes and crooks her phone against her ear. She smiles at the deep voice that answers. "Hard night, huh? No, T, you sound fine. Just asking because... Did something happen with your stray? Well, cause I just served him breakfast, and he doesn't look great. What? I'm volunteering over at Hope's Voice today, there's some kids showing up lately they wanted me to talk to. But... Yes, Taron, he ate. But tell me what happened, because he looks a mess and you don't sound much better..."
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jplupine · 1 year
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Feral Possession: Chapter 14
Beneath My Skin
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Pairing: Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez x Wynter Hughes [Nonbinary OC] Word Count: ~3.7k WARNINGS: 18+ MDNI, Exophilia, Demon!Grimmjow, Feral Behavior, Grimmjow being a Terror, Threats of Bodily Harm, Mentions of Masturbation, Sexual Harassment
Summary: Grimmjow and Gary keep butting heads, and Wynter needs to wash the sheets. u-u
You can also read it on AO3!
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Masterlist | Chapter 14: 
  It was getting dark by the time I pulled into the driveway. All of the paperwork, all of the questions, it took forever just to get out of that building. Unlocking the front door, I walked into the dark house and heard claws clicking my way.
  "Hey, Dagur." I smiled down at the dog wildly wagging his tail. Taking my shoes off, I had to lean back when Dagur shoved his nose in my face to sniff at me. Going through the house with the dog at my heels, I opened the back door to let him out.
  Glancing around, I noticed I had yet to see the demon. He hadn't been watching TV in the living room, wasn't snacking in the kitchen, and he wasn't in the yard either.
  "I'm home!" I called out in the dark house, but silence was the only answer. The longer the quiet dragged out, the more worried I became. Was Grimmjow hiding because he fucked shit up, or was he just being moody about me leaving without him?
  Checking the office, I saw he wasn't there either, and went to the basement. It was also empty, so I moved upstairs. The stairs softly creaked, and I saw that my bedroom door was closed. Opening the door, nothing was really out of place except for the blankets and pillows on my bed being tossed around.
  "Where the Hell is he?" I mumbled under my breath with my brows furrowed. I was about to look elsewhere, but a head bumped against mine from behind. Soft, warm breath hit the back of my neck, and I turned to see Grimmjow.
  He was in his human form with his hands shoved into his sweatpants pockets. He didn't look angry or upset, so I didn't know why he hadn't come out before now.
  "What's for dinner?" Grimmjow asked while looking down at me.
  "I honestly don't feel like cooking." Pulling out my phone, I checked the time. "How's pizza sound?"
  "'S good."
  "Cool. Did you have a bad dream?"
  "....What?" His brows furrowed.
  "My bed. I assumed you took a nap and wallered all over it." I pointed over my shoulder.
  "Oh. No. Couldn't get comfortable."
  "Oh, okay. So, what do you want for toppings?" I questioned while going down the hall with Grimmjow trailing after me.
  "Chicken."
  "Of course." I scoffed. "Wanna get some root beer too?"
  "Yeah." He replied, and I closed the back door after Dagur came back in.
  "All right. I'll order, then take a shower. You wanna find a movie to watch?"
  "Sure." Grimmjow bumped his head against mine again before heading to the living room. I didn't know why, but he'd been doing that quite a bit lately. I wasn't sure if the gentle headbutting was an Arrancar thing or feline. But with the power of the internet, I could look it up to see if it was a feline thing.
  That could wait, though. Food first.
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  Sitting on the couch next to the demon, we were pigging out on pizza as the movie played on the TV. I still wasn't sure why Grimmjow chose to be in his human form, but by now I knew sometimes he just did things on a whim.
  Dagur was curled up on the cushion on the other side of Grimmjow, and the pizza box was halfway on the demon's lap and halfway on mine. By the time it was gone, the movie was nearing its end.
  "....What happened at the Soul Society?"
  "Uh, not much. Filled paperwork, got the third degree, and someone didn't believe my name was Wynter no matter how many times I said it was."
  "And you really didn't join them?"
  "No." I replied while taking the root beer from Grimmjow to take a drink. Handing it back, I raised my eyebrows. "Not that they didn't try even while I was there to recruit me. Just not my scene."
  "Really?"
  "Dude, I barely ever leave the house. They literally send the exorcists out on missions."
  "True." He scoffed.
  "However....I did find something out while I was there." I said while pulling out my phone. "You were right. About it not being a dog that caused my bike crash, I mean. The reason I haven't had problems with demons since then was Uncle Jordan actually did some magick crap on me. Something about making my soul essentially invisible to demons. They couldn't smell or sense my spiritual energy, but when Uncle Jordan died, the spell broke, which is why I now have problems with demons."
  "Makes sense. So he definitely knew about your power that entire time."
  "Yeah. My best guess on why he hid it was to keep me out of that life. The Soul Society takes in kids with enough power to become exorcists, but don't really do much for those with just enough to interest demons but not enough to weaponize. I mean, they'll save them if they're in danger, but that's it." I explained while looking up what I remembered on Grimmjow's headbutting.
  "Sounds about right. Those crusty fucks would leave you alone if there's nothing there for them to use."
  "Oh, that's funny." I muttered.
  "What?"
  "Sorry, just doing a bit of research." I smirked while waving my phone.
  "On?"
  "Headbutting."
  "....Why?" Grimmjow looked at me like I was stupid.
  "Because you keep doing it to me. Says here it's a way feline's scent or mark territory."
  "Oh." He crossed his arms while slightly tilting his head. "Well, your soul is mine."
  "Yeah, but that's not it." I looked at the demon as my brows rose with the amused expression on my face. "It's also a form of affection. Aw, Grimmjow, have you warmed up to me?" His eyebrows deeply furrowed as his eyes widened, and I saw his ears turning pink.
  "No, it's definitely just marking territory."
  "First the cuddling, now this? If I didn't know better, I'd say you're on the track to actually liking me. And that's funny, considering you want my soul."
  "I don't like you. You're annoying, and a pain in my ass!" He growled.
  "Aw, you like me." I teased while bumping his shoulder with mine. "You wanna be my friend, don't you? Look at that, big, bad demon cares about a mortal."
  "I don't!"
  "Your body language says otherwise. You've been headbutting me, what? The past few weeks now?" Pondering out loud, I saw the color deepening in Grimmjow's ears. "When did I get the first letter from the Soul Society?"
  "It's not fuckin' affection!" He growled.
  "Relax, tough guy. It's no different than the cuddling." Putting down my phone, I did begin to wonder if there was truth to it. Was Grimmjow actually softening up? Could a demon even 'soften up'?
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  "Thanks for looking over this for me. I'd hate to turn crap in to my boss." Gary chuckled while leaning on my desk as I flipped through his printed-out work.
  "It's no problem. Looks fine so far."
  "So....blue boy at work?" Gary quirked up a brow at me.
  "No, just in his room."
  "Don't you think he should have found a place by now?"
  "He works odd hours, so it's hard for him to find time to look for a place."
  "What do you think happened to make him so angry?"
  "Huh?"
  "You know, why he always tries to piss people off. There's gotta be a reason for it. Think he was actually bullied a lot in school?" Gary scoffed, and I looked him in the eye.
  "You think something bad happened to him to make him like that?"
  "You think he just chose to be an asshole? Not to mention....bright blue hair?"
  "Gary, he didn't-"
  "My hair is natural, fucksticks." Grimmjow's voice came from the doorway of the office. "So stop talkin' shit."
  "Uh, dude. It's blue." Gary made a face, and the demon looked him dead in the eye with a glare before lifting up his shirt and pulling the waistband of his pants down. Grimmjow, to prove a point, showed off the trail of hair from his belly button all the way down to just above his penis.
  I covered my face while sighing. I mean, I guess I was glad he at least didn't just expose himself to Gary, but goodness.
  "....It's blue." Gary now sounded shocked. "How...."
  "Do you need to see more, or is this good enough?"
  "Don't you dare!" I snapped at Grimmjow, and he smirked.
  "You embarrassed?"
  "No, ass. You just don't go showing people your genitals. So no, he does not need to see more." Grimmjow dropped his shirt back down before strolling over to the desk. Out of habit, he pounced on the desk and crouched while looking at Gary.
  "Why were you two talking about me?"
  "Uh, no reason."
  "Say it to my face, shithead."
  "Okay, will you stop calling me names?"
  "No."
  "Now that's just being childish."
  "Says the one talkin' shit without the balls to say it to my face." Grimmjow lowly growled while flexing his hands like he had claws.
  "What's your problem? Why do you always gotta start shit?"
  "Well-" Grimmjow looked like he was going to insult Gary further, but I cut in by clearing my throat loudly.
  "Hello, yes, still here. You two wanna stop comparing and actually figure out why you two don't get along?"
  "Because he's an asshole!" They both said in unison while looking at me, then shot a glare at one another.
  "I'm an asshole? I've tried to be nothing but nice to you!" Gary pointed. "You know what? I'm beginning to think you're just jealous."
  "Jealous?" The demon snorted. "Of what?"
  "You have feelings for Wynter, don't you?" The demon and I both froze for a second, then Grimmjow burst into laughter.
  "You have no clue what's going on!"
  "Oh, really? Then tell me. Because from where I'm standing, you do have feelings for Wynter. Every time I come over, you're up Wynter's ass and snapping at me or literally anyone else that gets close to them."
  "Gary, it's not like that." I sighed. How would I explain that behavior without telling him about how Grimmjow wants my soul?
  "Seriously? You say there's nothing going on between you two, so why is he still here? Why does he act like a damn dog with a bone with you?"
  "Because he's protective. He was close to my uncle, who if you're forgetting, just passed a few months ago. He's still working through his grief, and I'm helping him." I lied, and Gary got a guilty look in his eye. I didn't want to lie, but this wasn't something I could be honest with. I just couldn't.
  "....Oh."
  "However, that doesn't give you an excuse to be a dick, either." I said while glancing at Grimmjow with a warning look. "Now, I'm busy with something, so could you let the dog out?"
  "Whatever." Grimmjow huffed before hopping off the desk. He shoved his hands into his pockets while walking out of the office.
  "How do you handle that?"
  "Give him a snack or something to fiddle with." I replied while flipping the page in the packet I was holding.
  "What is he, four?"
  "Try six." I popped off, but the joke would go right over Gary's head since he was completely unaware of the meaning. "And as for what you were saying earlier, if you think something happened to him to make him act the way he does, talk to him about it, not me."
  "Like he'd talk to me about it."
  "Then is it your business? You don't even like him." I questioned.
  "Well.... No, not really. But still, gotta wonder."
  "I know you mean well, however, he's working through things, and since you want nothing to do with him, it's better to just stay out of it. Who knows, maybe when he's done figuring things out, he won't be such a dick. You might get along then."
  "Doubtful." He made a face, and I shrugged.
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  "Can piss-boy stop coming over? I'm tired of seeing his stupid face."
  "No, this is my house. I told you to stay in the room if you didn't want to see him." I said while unsheathing my katana.
  "But he even says the most annoying shit." Grimmjow grumbled, smacking his hands together before slowly pulling them apart as his own sword formed between his palms. "Don't you get exhausted listening to that crap?"
  "What crap?"
  "All of the crap."
  "I honestly don't get why you don't like him so much. At first, I could understand. But now? Come on, that's just a grudge at this point." Setting the sheath down, I took my stance in front of the demon. "Can't you cut the guy some slack?"
  "I'll cut him something."
  "Grimmjow."
  "What?!"
  "Come on now." I gave him a look and he clicked his tongue.
  "I don't see why you like him so much. He's boring and smells weird."
  "We've been friends since we were kids. And he's not boring, you just haven't given him the chance to get to know him."
  "I honestly don't want to." Grimmjow swung his sword at me in a downward motion, and I managed to act fast enough to block.
  "Do you seriously only give two shits about a person if they're strong or you want to fuck them?"
  "Yeah. He's neither." The sounds of our swords clanging against each other echoed in the yard.
  "You ever think you wouldn't be so lonely if you weren't that shallow?"
  "I'm not lonely."
  "You were so touch-starved that you acted like I'd slapped you when giving you basic affection. Now you literally make me give you affection."
  "I don't 'make' you."
  "Really? Putting my hand on your head, crawling up beside me, flopping down on me, even the damn headbutting. You crave contact, but you push everyone else away who could give you it. You act like humans are just ants at your feet, except you refuse to even sleep in a different bed than me." I blocked another attack while taking a step back. "Hell, the only time you talk positively about humans is when you talk about fucking them. There's more to us, and to life, than empty sex and bloodlust."
  "You think I don't know that?" He growled with his face close to mine as our katanas were crossed.
  "Then why keep acting that way?"
  "Because I don't know anything else, you little shit." Grimmjow added pressure to his sword to push me back a step. "I barely know half the shit going on inside my own head anymore."
  "What?" My brows furrowed as I dug my heels into the dirt to not be pushed back further.
  "You fucked everything up."
  "What are you talking about?"
�� "I mean what I said. You got me thinking shit I don't even get or want to think about."
  "You ever wonder if asking me about what you don't understand might help? I do know more than you think. What is it, Grimmjow?" I questioned, while wondering if this was a genuine breakthrough with the demon having more human thoughts and feelings.
  "It's weakness."
  "You call me 'Little Rabbit', you really think I care about stupid shit like 'weakness'? Not to mention thoughts and feelings aren't weaknesses. It's just being." I grunted as I slid back a few inches in the grass.
  "Then tell me why the fuck it's happening if it's not weakness?! I can't keep sharp in this fucking place. I can't fight, I can't kill, I can't sink my fangs into anything!"
  "Well, tell me what it is first of all."
  "I don't know."
  "Describe it. If it's not coherent, just give what you can put words to."
  "....Heat. Burning beneath my skin, through my veins. It's not like the rage."
  "When do you feel that way?"
  "All the fucking time."
  "Okay, what else is there?"
  "The impulses. Those are the worst." Grimmjow's nose twitched into a snarl. "They're so fucking hard to control."
  "Since when did you try to control your impulses?"
  "I.... You tell me no. Over and over, you tell me no."
  "To?"
  "Touching you. I get these stupid fucking urges to touch you, but all you allow is the 'platonic cuddling'." He made a face while saying the last two words. "So I take it, but even then, they don't stop. I want to fuck you so damn bad, but I don't even know why I want to fuck you so badly. I've met souls with more power than you and it wasn't like this." Grimmjow explained.
  Oh, goodness. Was the demon getting sexually frustrated?
  "I just want to rip your fucking clothes off and touch your skin. I want to feel you, taste you, mark you. I want inside you, Wynter. I want it so badly it drives me nuts."
  "It sounds like you're actually pent up. Have you tried masturbating and see if that helps?" I asked while trying to keep a straight face. He seemed genuinely irritated, like it was seriously bugging him, but goodness, to say that to me so bluntly.
  "....What?"
  "Masturbating. You know, rubbing one out? Jerking off? If you're sexually pent up, you're going to want it more. You might be having those urges more so toward me since I'm the only one around." His eyes narrowed at me before he took a step back while holding his chin.
  "And that works?"
  "I mean....it helps."
  "We're done training for the day." He tossed up his other hand, and his sword turned to smoke.
  "Wha- We barely even started."
  "Too bad."
  "Where are you going?"
  "To jack off. I need this shit out of my system." He waved over his shoulder before going into the house. I just stood there with my mouth hanging open.
  "You have got to be kidding me." I muttered.
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  Since training had been canceled, I was actually getting more work done now that I had a chance of peace and quiet. Dagur was curled up at my feet and napping, and Grimmjow....
  Well, he was still upstairs dealing with his urges.
  I just hoped this would actually work if what he'd told me was true. I mean, it sounded like he was just itching to pounce on me but was holding back due to lack of consent. Which, on another note, made me realize Grimmjow did have an odd sense of morals.
  He'd rip somebody apart with glee, probably even gnaw on their bones for the Hell of it, but he still held back his own sexual urges if consent wasn't given. Even so, he still seemed fine to grab someone's ass, or lick their face, regardless.
  And, perhaps, maybe some of his moodiness will ease off if this is what has been on his mind so much. There was no guarantee, so I'd just have to wait and see. But this also raised a few other questions like if Arrancar specifically didn't need to actually eat, didn't that imply the lack of genuine 'life'? Why was sex even a thing for them without procreation? Why even have genitals?
  And how could they have normal bodily functions if the need for food wasn't present? Grimmjow had pissed on Gary, but that meant his body, or projection at least, was able to process something he drank.
  Leaning back in my chair, I paused.
  No, the Arrancar did have a need to eat, just not in the same sense as humans. They were created through cannibalism, literally eating other souls and demons. So, even if their main food source was different, did that mean they retained the ability to process other regular foods from when they were still alive? That would also explain the genitals and desire for sex if that were the case.
  But if Grimmjow needed to eat souls, was he placating that need by eating human food instead? I was aware not everything concerning demons could be explained by logic or science, like their use of magick for instance, but I did want to at least figure out as much as possible. This would be easier with more Arrancar to compare with, but Grimmjow was the only one that couldn't kill me.
  He was also rather interesting if I was being honest. Despite his bloody history, he still enjoyed relaxing on the couch with a pizza or curling up with someone to sleep. What exactly was his drive for destruction? Or any of the other Arrancar? From the book, it looked like even the other Espada had specific drives, or motives, in what they did.
  For example, with Murcielago, the accounts of him showed a cold indifference, and he only fought when provoked, unlike Grimmjow. He was even ranked higher than Pantera but wasn't even half as violent. So, clearly, bloodlust wasn't the drive behind their actions across the board. They were varied, but I wouldn't know just how much without actually getting to know them.
  The damn book was lacking so much.
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  "What are you doing?" I questioned as Grimmjow was holding my jaw to make me look at him. His brows were deeply furrowed, and his eyes narrowed as he was staring me down.
  "Seeing if it worked."
  "Please tell me you washed your hands before touching my face."
  "Wouldn't you like to know."
  "Grimmjow."
  "I did."
  "Oh, thank goodness."
  "It seems like it actually worked. I don't want to fuck you as badly as before. I mean, I still kinda do, but it's just the normal desire to."
  "....That's good?" What the Hell was I supposed to say to something like that?
  "You might want to wash your bedding though, Little Rabbit."
  "Wha- You did it in my bed?!" I smacked the demon on his chest.
  "Where else would I?"
  "There's other rooms! Bathrooms, even!"
  "Yeah, but your bed smells like you. If you're not gonna give me porn, I gotta have something."
  "Oh, I'll give you something!" I picked up the nearest thing to throw at Grimmjow, and he bolted while laughing before he could get hit.
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nightcall99 · 1 year
Text
Dream from 3.7.23
I’m in the library and there’s a group assignment that I’m trying to complete. I’m in a group with AB and somebody else and we're supposed to present it to the class. I think the teacher changed their mind about when it's due, but it's still very soon, as if it was due today but now it’s due tomorrow. I'm on the computer looking at the bottom of the document, at the questions I have yet to answer.
Now I'm with my family and we're walking around inside an old multi-storey brick building that would probably have some historical significance. There are many old-timey speciality and boutique shops and eateries such as cafes. Each with their own unique charm, even though each business has such tiny floor space. There are staircases criss-crossing everywhere and the whole thing is like a cramped maze, it reminds me of Diagon Alley in Harry Potter. Standing on an upper floor, I look down through a window and I see a man in his tiny candy shop who is just sitting there alone in the shop like an NPC, not even moving. He looks so lonely and sad and I feel sorry for him. Whilst upstairs, I walk into a really fancy café and I look at the lavish looking cakes and beverages that are for sale. I leave without buying anything but as I am walking down the stairs, I am thinking to myself about how I will go eat here next time.
Then I go to a different café where I observe a female server bringing some drinks to some small children sitting at a table. She notices that something is bothering them, like there are some ants or mice creeping near and frightening them. She opens a compartment in the wall where they seem to be appearing from, splashes a cup of coffee in there, then closes the wall compartment. I get the impression she is doing this deter them away from the children, like a decoy.
The whole time I'm inside of this building, I keep getting distracted by a very impatient and irritated feeling telling me that I need to leave. I need to go and finish my assignment since it's due tomorrow and I'm very anxious about having enough time to complete it tonight.
I leave the building and I am waiting outside for my parent to finish perusing around, still feeling these extremely anxious, restless feelings. I know that we got here by car but now I am wondering if I should just leave on my own and ride the bus home, since I'm so impatient and don't want to keep waiting.
Now I am at home in the backyard with some people that I don't really know but I have to entertain. I am confused at the scene before me because it's not familiar at all. There are big metals bowls scattered about the yard and they are filled with freshly-picked Nasturtium leaves soaking in water. The leaves are bright green, practically glowing and resembling water lily-pads in shape. I realise that this particular plant had been growing all over our backyard and that's where they had been harvested from. There are also some kind of corn plants growing in small pots which are ready to harvest. I realise that all the plants I am seeing around me are of the edible kind.
I am waiting for parents to come out and take over the entertaining so that I can go and finish my assignment. I am getting so anxious and annoyed because I barely have any time now and it’s like I’ve been waiting all day and it must be past 5pm at this point. Finally they come out and they’re talking to our guests but I still feel like I can’t leave. It's like I need their permission. I keep going back and forth on whether or not I can be excused but after awhile of hesitating I just go. I get this feeling like I haven’t done my part of the assignment yet, but the other two people in my group have completed theirs and they're waiting for me.
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starryhyuck · 4 years
Text
just like magic. (m)
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pairing: fuckboy!jaehyun x fuckgirl!reader
words: 4k+
summary: jung jaehyun’s body count is almost as high as yours. however, after yuta spreads a nasty rumor, you learn that jaehyun’s always imagined those girls to be you instead.
genre: fluff, smut
warnings: multiple sex partners, public sex, sex on the roof, multiple orgasms, degradation, wall sex, creampie
Your head rests on the bathroom mirror, inhaling and exhaling loudly as Mingyu finds a wipe to clean you up.
“Ugh. I can’t believe we did it in Bambam’s gross bathroom.”
Mingyu chuckles, the deep sound echoing in the small space. “Please. Don’t act like you’re so disgusted now.” You roll your eyes at his comment while he cleans the cum smeared on the inside of your thighs. “Besides, it’s not like you were having fun at the party anyways.”
You shrug and jump down from the sink, straightening out your skirt and trying to look somewhat presentable.
“True,” you murmur, fixing your hair in the mirror. “Jungkook couldn’t come tonight so it was way easier to find you.”
He scoffs. “As if Jungkook could fuck you better than me.”
You laugh and find the lipgloss sitting at the bottom of your bag. “Oh, he can. He’s not a little gym rat for nothing, you know.”
Mingyu huffs, leaning down to pull your panties back up and straightening your skirt. This scene isn’t unfamiliar to the both of you, although doing it in Bambam’s bathroom certainly was. You’re pretty sure Bambam smoked a shit ton of weed before his party started, and Mingyu opens the bathroom window to release some of the odor.
“See you in 104. Did you finish the extra credit paper already?”
You shook your head, opening the bathroom door and hearing the lively party continue downstairs.
“Nope, not planning to,” you give him one last kiss on the cheek. “Nice fuck, Gyu. Tell Jungkook to show up next time.”
He rolls his eyes again and you two depart, almost toppling over as you bump into Jung Jaehyun on the stairs. His arm quickly slides around your waist to prevent you from falling. He smiles at you.
“How was Mingyu?”
“How was Jennie?”
He chuckles. “Good. As always. You really have to start expanding your little black book. Mingyu and Jungkook aren’t always going to be around, you know.”
You raise an eyebrow and step away from him, shooing his arm away from you. “You don’t think I have backups, silly? Doyoung is at my beck and call, I assure you.”
He smirks, raising his red solo cup to you. “If you ever need me.”
You dismiss him, walking down the stairway of Bambam and Yugyeom’s place. You and Jaehyun had always been similar in many ways, especially in the way you ‘connect’ with other people. If you two ever had a body count competition, it would surely have Johnny’s head spinning all night at the numbers. You never fucked Jaehyun, however, simply because you had no desire to. You’ve known Jaehyun for as long as you’ve known Mingyu, but the only personality trait you’ve ever deducted from Jaehyun was that he’s excellent in bed.
That, and the fact that during your first year of college, Yuta spread some rumor that Jaehyun masturbates to the thought of you.
No big deal.
You find Minghao and Sicheng speaking in the kitchen, and you whine when you clutch Minghao’s arm.
“I’m tired, Hao.”
“You leave us to go fuck Mingyu for a hour and now you want to go home?”
You can hear the condescending tone in Minghao’s voice and you do your best to ignore it. You offer him your best toothy grin. “Come on, designated driver. You’re not even doing anything remotely fun!”
“Hey!” Sicheng interjects. “We were actually just talking.”
You lean over to pinch his cheeks and Sicheng nearly growls at you.
“You’re cute, but you and Minghao talk all the time. Nothing new. Plus, all of us are roommates, dumbass! We could talk at home any time we want to.”
“Fine, fine,” Minghao concedes, laying his cup down on the kitchen counter. You ignore the fact that Yugyeom’s tongue is shoved down some girl’s throat only five feet away from all of you. “Did you already clean yourself up? I don’t want any of Mingyu’s germs in my car.”
“Are we sure it was Mingyu?” Sicheng counters. “It could’ve been Jungkook or Doyoung or Wonwoo or Jinyoung or-“
“Alright, alright,” you glare at him. “And yes, it was Mingyu. He already cleaned me up so you won’t get any Gyu germs.”
“Good.”
Minghao still has trouble trusting you after that one time you wore a skirt with no panties and let Kun’s cum spill all over Minghao’s front seat. Sicheng is still extremely traumatized from the situation.
You exit the house party with your roommates, almost stopping at the sight of Kunhang looking like a fucking dream near the speakers-
“Come on, you horny asshole,” Sicheng grunts, pushing you out the door.
“Did you hear the news?”
Your eyes flutter at the sight of Nakamoto Yuta, who is leaning over your desk, smiling. You sigh and decide to entertain him.
“What is it now, Yuta?”
“A little birdy told me that a certain Jung Jaehyun has fallen for Mingyu’s girl,” Yuta’s smirk widens when you furrow your eyebrows.
“Mingyu has a girlfriend?”
He huffs. “You, dumbass.”
You giggle at the thought of dating Mingyu and roll your eyes. “You’re full of shit, Nakamoto.”
He stands straight, his figure towering over you. You peek your head out to see if the lecture has started yet so Yuta can get the fuck away from you.
“Then why did I hear Jaehyun calling your name when he was getting his dick wet this morning?”
The accusation has your eyebrows raising. You barely know Jaehyun, only from fleeting stories from Mingyu and Jungkook. You also know that Yuta’s always full of shit, spreading rumors about various people just because he can.
“Get your head out of your ass, Yuta.”
He laughs at your dismissive nature, leaning in again. There’s a troublesome glint in his eyes.
“And what if I told you Mingyu said Jaehyun’s loved you since you were five?”
You challenge him. “I would say that the cum in Miyeon’s panties say otherwise.”
He smiles and steps back when the professor finally enters the room.
“Whatever you want to believe.”
That conversation with Yuta was three years ago. He’s graduated long since, but the rumor about Jaehyun still pops up here and there. Jaehyun never addressed it with you, and when you asked Mingyu about it once, he just laughed.
“A lot of guys on campus jack off to the thought of you. Are you surprised?”
You think about the memory as you watch Soojin straddle Jaehyun, her hair falling over the side of her face as she leans in to kiss him. The rest of the party ignores them, mainly focused on how Bambam is nearly toppling over trying to do a keg stand.
A hand slides around your waist and you feel someone’s lips attach to your neck.
“Gyu told me you were looking for me the other day,” Jungkook murmurs lowly in your ear. “Did you miss me?”
You smile when you feel his fingers inch closer to your breast, hands roaming all over your body.
“Yes. Your absence made me fuck Mingyu in Bambam’s germ-covered bathroom.”
He chuckles lowly, and the sound shoots straight to your core.
“I’m here now, baby. I’ll take care of you.”
Your eyes drift upwards again, startled to find Jaehyun already gazing at you. Soojin’s sucking at his neck, but his eyes are locked on you, watching the way Jungkook paws at your breast.
Yuta’s voice rings in your ears. Jaehyun’s loved you since you were five.
You push the thought away as Jungkook’s mouth envelops yours. Jaehyun couldn’t love you, Yuta was just full of shit.
“You’re late.”
You narrow your eyes at Mingyu, who brushes off the time. He promised to meet up with you yesterday to finish your project for 104 and give you a quick lunch time fuck. You’re a little disheartened to see he’s tugged Doyoung and Jaehyun along.
“Don’t be so upset, frowning doesn’t look good on you,” Mingyu teases, sliding in the chair across from you. Doyoung sits next to him, and Jaehyun awkwardly takes the spot next to you. “We were just playing a little basketball outside. The time slipped my mind.”
“Well, I guess it slips my mind that I’m supposed to fuck you before your next class.”
Doyoung laughs and seizes the opportunity. “I, on the other hand, never promised anything and my schedule is conveniently free for the whole day.” He winks at you, his gums showing brightly as he smiles.
You smirk when Mingyu elbows him in the side. Jaehyun is oddly quiet and you turn to face him while Mingyu hisses at Doyoung.
“I saw you and Soojin getting it on last weekend. How was it?”
He smiles tightly. “Good, as always. Jungkook per usual?”
You nod. “The little gym rat won’t stop exercising. He was talking to me about his routine all night. I almost just got myself off instead.”
Something flickers in Jaehyun’s gaze, and it’s gone so quickly that you might’ve missed it.
“I can’t imagine why that would be preferred, especially when you have most of the male population lining up to get a taste of you.”
There’s a hidden implication in his words, and you take the chance.
“Are you part of that male population?”
He smirks at your question. Before he has a chance to answer, Mingyu’s voice fills your ears again.
“Anyways, my dorm is free and I can afford to miss my next class. Wanna head up? Promise I’ll go down on you as an apology.”
You scoff at Mingyu’s half-assed proposal, and stand to leave. “I’ll pass. Get a watch next time if you want your dick wet. I’m assuming you’re going to finish most of our project since I was waiting here for over a hour.”
Mingyu frowns. “But-“
“But?” You say, raising an eyebrow.
His shoulders slump. “Fine. I’ll finish the damn project.”
You lean over to pinch his cheeks. “Good Mingyu. I’ll see all of you at Minghao’s birthday bash.”
You depart without another word, ignoring the burn of Jaehyun’s stare. When you arrive back to your apartment, Minghao is organizing his wine cabinet while Sicheng talks to Tzuyu at the kitchen counter. You sigh and throw your bag across the island.
“Boys are dumb.”
Tzuyu laughs. “Did Mingyu forget what time it is again?”
“As always,” you confirm, searching for anything consumable in your fridge. As expected, no one’s gone grocery shopping in a week. Guess you’ll have to raid Wonwoo’s apartment tonight.
Sicheng huffs. “Good. I don’t need you getting any more Mingyu germs before Minghao’s party tomorrow.”
“And what does Hao’s party have anything to do with me getting laid?” Sicheng rolls his eyes at your question, and you smile sweetly at him. You decide to favor the leftover pieces of ham sitting at the back of the fridge. “Tzuyu, back me up here. Didn’t you have a good time with Jaehyun two weeks ago?”
Tzuyu’s cheeks flush as she recalls what you’re referring to. At Jungwoo’s party, she and Jaehyun were practically fucking each other in the middle of the living room.
“I guess. He was weird about some things.”
You frown, removing the lid off of the container and shoving a piece of ham in your mouth. “Like what?”
She looks embarrassed to be talking about such intimate things in front of Sicheng, but your roommate is unbothered. He’s heard enough of your escapades to be unfazed by any mentions of sex.
“He didn’t want to look at me when we did it. He told me I had to face the pillow or else he couldn’t cum that way.”
You shrug. “So he likes it from behind. Nothing too weird about that. Which way do you prefer, Sicheng?”
He glares at you. “None of your business.”
You giggle at how cute he is before Tzuyu continues. “I mean, it wasn’t just that. He didn’t really like it when I made noises. I had to be as quiet as possible.”
“Ugh, that’s fucked. Guys can grunt in the nastiest ways possible but they hate it when we make an ounce of noise. I hope you’re not that way, Sicheng.”
His glare burns. “None. Of. Your. Business.”
“Yeah, it was weird. He’s really good in bed though.”
You chuckle. “I would hope so. Anyways, who’s on the guest list for tomorrow night?”
Sicheng sighs, and you wonder if he thinks about moving out and living with a less horny roommate.
“Basically anyone you’ve fucked before since you’ve slept with all of Hao’s friends.”
You frown. “That’s not fun. I like someone new once in a while.”
“No funny business at Minghao’s party, I mean it. We can’t be cutting his cake while you’re getting railed in your room.”
You boop his nose. “No promises.”
Sicheng’s done this on purpose.
All of the men at Minghao’s party have flocked away from you, like Sicheng sent them all a mass text before the party started or something. You tried to slide up to Mingyu but then he was quickly taking the offer to do body shots with someone else. It’s as if you would bite all their dicks off with the way they’re running from you.
It’s the middle of the party when you grow tired of hearing Jieqiong’s banter with Jun.
You step out of the apartment for a few minutes and head up to the roof, arms wrapping around yourself to shield from the cold. You know you should’ve went to Wonwoo yesterday, especially since Sicheng has apparently made it a no fuck zone for tonight.
You jump when you feel a jacket moving over your shoulders. You’re even more startled to see Jaehyun next to you.
“Oh, hey. When did you get here?”
He smiles, and it hurts your eyes a little by how pretty he is.
“About a hour ago. I’m not surprised you didn’t notice, considering I could feel your rage from five feet away.”
You laugh dryly. “Did Sicheng send you a text too?”
“No, but Mingyu told me about it. I assume he only sent it to the guys you’ve slept with before.”
You nod. “Yeah, probably. I’m off limits to all males tonight.”
The two of you stand together in silence, gazing out at the view of your city. You’ve never felt an urge to get an answer from Jaehyun before about Yuta’s rumor, but now that he’s here, it’s all you can think about.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“Why didn’t you say anything about the rumor Yuta spread around in freshman year?”
His back stiffens. The seconds pass in a deafening thump, and you’re starting to feel like you shouldn’t have brought it up.
He finally sighs. “How long have we known each other?”
You blink. Did he really have to respond to a question with another question?
You think back to when you first met Jaehyun and Mingyu. You were only five then, and you screamed in the middle of the classroom because Mingyu had spilled paint all over the front of your shirt. You remember Jaehyun handing you a wipe to clean yourself up, ears bright red.
You grin at the memory. “Since I found out Mingyu was the clumsiest kid on earth.”
He chuckles. “You never really saw it, did you?”
“Saw what?”
You’re even more confused by Jaehyun’s vague ass answers. He averts his gaze from you, and you suddenly feel a lot colder on this rooftop.
“How much I liked you.”
The statement causes you to freeze. So Yuta was right - Jung Jaehyun has loved you since you were five. Still, it doesn’t make any sense. You’ve been fucking Mingyu since high school and Jaehyun never seemed bothered by it, considering he and Mingyu were still best friends. In fact, you’ve been in bed with most of his friend group and he’s never said a word about it. His friends never even mention his liking for you, so you have to assume that they don’t know of it either.
As if he could sense your rampant thoughts running wild, he squashes them.
“I thought you loved Mingyu. I thought that when the two of you first started sleeping together, it would develop into something more. It’s why I never said anything to him. He knew, but I’m sure he thought I didn’t mind.”
You’re baffled. You don’t even know how to respond to this newfound information. Maybe you should’ve stayed downstairs at the party.
“Mingyu is an asshole,” you finally conclude. Jaehyun’s shoulders relax when you speak. “And so am I. I swear, I didn’t know, Jaehyun. I would’ve-“
“You would’ve stopped seeing Mingyu? And Jungkook? And Doyoung, and Wonwoo, and-“
“Okay, okay,” you raise a hand up to stop him before glaring. “You’re not entirely innocent either. I’m friends with most of the girls you’ve slept with too.”
His eyes darken. “And have you asked them what it’s like to be with me? How I have to turn them over and imagine it’s you before I can get hard? How I have to keep them quiet because their moans are too loud or simply because it doesn’t sound like you?” How-“
“Jaehyun,” you whisper, feeling like the wind has gotten knocked out of your chest. You’re also trying to ignore the wetness that’s pooled in your underwear. “Are you saying-“
“I’m saying that I’ve been running circles around you since we were five and you’ve never noticed. I’ve had to hear countless nights of Mingyu and Jungkook talking about how sweet your pussy is when they slide into you. How pretty you are when you’re stuffing their cocks far down your throat. How you let them take you anywhere, any time, because you enjoy it as much as they do.”
You swallow. He’s inches away from you now, hands dancing around your waist carefully. You quickly check the time.
One hour before Minghao cuts his cake. That should be enough.
You grab the fabric of Jaehyun’s shirt, pulling him to you as his lips crash into yours. He grunts, gripping your sides and pressing you against the railing. Your eyes glance down briefly to see how high up you two are.
“Drop me and I’ll kill you.”
He laughs, chasing you again and quickly moving to undress you. You ignore the goosebumps rising on your arms when Jaehyun nips at your neck, fingers dipping into your panties. “So pretty,” he murmurs, licking a stripe across your collarbones. You moan when he slides a finger into your heat. “That’s it, baby. Sound so fucking good.”
He slips another finger in, basking in the glory of your moans. “We have to hurry,” you mumble breathily. “Sicheng will come looking if he knows I’m gone for too long. It’s like he can sense when I’m fucking someone.”
Jaehyun laughs, moving back up to kiss you. “He can watch if he wants to then.”
“I wanna-“ you gasp when he curls his fingers. “I wanna suck you off.”
“Fuck,” he hisses. He’s fingering you faster now, and you can hear the squelch of your wetness fill the air. You gasp, desperately holding onto his forearm. “I’ll fuck your mouth next time, I promise. I need to see you cum now.”
You unravel in no time, moaning loudly as you fall apart on Jaehyun’s fingers. He coaxes you through your orgasm, murmuring praises in your ear. You whimper when he pulls away from you, licking up the remaining essence on his fingers.
“Jaehyun,” you say frantically, pawing at him. “I need you inside me.”
You turn over so that your back is facing him, and you think he’s about to slide your underwear down but instead, he swivels you around.
“Need to see you,” he whispers. “Jump.”
You do as he says, wrapping your legs around his waist and kissing him with much more fervor. You moan when his hands grip your sides roughly, pressing you against the concrete. You sit on the ledge of the rooftop, trying to ignore the genuine fear of falling.
He’s quickly shoving his jeans down his thighs and you whimper.
“Hurry, Jae.”
“Fuck, baby. I’m here, I’m right here,” he hisses, pulling out his cock and giving it a few strokes. Your eyes widen at the size — he was surely bigger and thicker than Mingyu or Jungkook. He chuckles at your stare, as if he knows exactly what you’re thinking. “Bigger than what you normally have?”
You narrow your eyes. “Don’t tell me you idiots had a dick measuring contest.”
He shrugs. “Maybe.”
Then, he’s pushing your panties to the side and sliding into you. You gasp, his fingers roughly gripping you in place to make sure you don’t fall. He doesn’t wait for you to adjust, thrusting rapidly as soon as he feels you.
“Good little slut,” he grunts. “So pretty and pliant for me. Is my cock too big for you to take, baby?”
“You’re gonna fucking,” you pant, whining when his cock hits you deeper. “You’re gonna fucking split me in half, asshole.”
He grins mischievously. “That’s the goal.”
You’re so lost in the feeling of him that the both of you fail to hear the door to the rooftop open. You’re startled when Sicheng’s voice booms in the air.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me! We haven’t even cut the cake yet!”
“Sicheng, I-“ you shamelessly whimper when Jaehyun hits your sweet spot, not slowing down in the slightest despite Sicheng watching. “W-We’ll be d-down before Hao c-cuts the cake.”
“Horny assholes,” you hear your roommate mutter before the door to the rooftop is closing again.
Jaehyun chortles. “He should’ve sent that text to me too if he was so concerned.”
“Fuck him,” you groan. “And fuck me harder.”
He listens to your command, pushing into you so deep that you almost fall off the ledge. You scream as your upper body dangles off the rooftop, but you can hear Jaehyun’s giggle. Your fear is overtaken by arousal when you realize his cock is hitting you deeper in this position.
“Cum, cum,” you whisper. “I’m cumming.”
He groans when you tighten around him, convulsing around his cock. When you recover, he’s hoisting you back up, bringing your chest to his as he carries you. You have no idea where he’s going, but with every step, his cock slides deeper into your soaking cunt.
The door to the rooftop is opening again and you realize you’re in the stairwell.
“Get down, hands on the railing.”
You shakily follow his command, ignoring the wobble of your legs as you grip the metal bars. He’s pushing into you again before you can take a breath.
“I-I thought you needed to see me,” you say, your back turned to him.
“You’re right.”
Then, he’s pushing you against the wall with force and abusing your pussy. You practically scream, clawing at his back while he pounds you into the wall.
“Do you want to know exactly what Yuta heard three years ago?” He groans against your neck. You can barely form coherent sentences, and you’re pretty sure you had another orgasm that you haven’t even revived from. “He heard me desperately fucking my cock into my hand, whimpering your name. All I could imagine that day was the little short dress you wore to Yugyeom’s party, and how Jungkook’s hands were all over you as soon as you stepped through the door. I fucking came so hard that I had to wash my sheets before Mingyu came back to the dorm.”
“Jaehyun, Jaehyun,” you whisper frantically. You’re unraveling again — cumming around his cock while he fucks you hard. “Cum with me. Inside, cum inside. Please, please.”
He grunts lowly. “Yeah? You want my cum? What about the rest of them — how many of them have spilled inside you?”
“I’ll keep it in,” you promise him, just wanting your hole to be filled. “I’ll walk around Hao’s party with your cum dripping down my thighs. How does that sound?”
And he’s groaning, giving one final thrust before he empties inside of you. You gasp at how much cum he has to give you, some of it spilling down your lips and onto the floor.
The both of you are panting lowly, trying to recover from your orgasms. You faintly hear a chorus of people singing Happy Birthday two floors down.
“Fuck, Sicheng’s gonna kill us.”
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lucy90712 · 3 years
Text
cravings/mood swings (pregnancy series)
Series masterlist
George:
The hormones from pregnancy have made me an entirely different person at times which was a huge shock to both me and George when they first started to hit because I've always been pretty good with my emotions and hormones even when on my period. To me it isn't as bad because I only notice after my mood swings but poor George has to deal with me during.
George came down the stairs after filming a video and came to join me sat on the sofa. I was eating salty crisps (chips) some of which George stole as he sat down, this really set off my hormones for whatever reason and I looked at him with just pure anger that he would even dare to steal my food that I had been craving.
"George what the fuck I wanted those" I almost shouted
"I'm sorry love I didn't mean to I can get you more if you want them" he said panicked slightly
I gave no reaction to what George said as I came down from my rage because I realised I was being way too over the top. I always feel awful when I yell at George because he doesn't deserve it at all but he just happens to be around all the time so he's the one who bares the brunt of all my emotions. I apologised to George and gave him some of my crisps to make up for it and we cuddled on the sofa for a bit.
Later in the evening George was showing me cute videos he has of cat from when he was in his office which were just so adorable and made me so incredibly happy but then the sadness came over and tears started to fall down my face.
"Hey what's wrong?" George asked
"It's just so cute like how can one small animal be so cute" I sobbed
He comforted me and we spent the rest of the evening doing things that didn't provoke any emotions in me.
Dream:
My cravings have been very strong though my pregnancy so far which is a combination of normal things and weird concoctions just whatever I was feeling in that exact moment and I mean that exact moment. My cravings are things that have to be satisfied within the hour or else it's too late and I get over it.
It's about 10pm and I'm just chilling waiting for Clay to get out the shower so we can watch the office together. At that exact moment a craving for pickles came over me, its not a craving I've had before but its one that I know is kind of common. I checked all the cupboards and fridge to see if we had any but we didn't which made me quite sad.
Clay came down the stairs to see me staring at the empty cupboard with a few tears in my eyes. He came over to me looking at what I was before becoming very confused at what exactly was going through my mind clearly wondering if I was going a bit insane.
"Is everything alright?" He asked
"We don't have any pickles" I whined
"Do you want me to go and get you some?" He asked
I nodded my head and we went to the car to drive to the store to go buy pickles mainly because I didn't want to be left alone. Clay actually went into the store while I stayed in the car because he didn't want me getting cold but he soon came back with two jars of pickles just incase I wanted more another day.
Back at home I ate half the pickles in the jar and very much enjoyed it and so did baby which was the whole point of going to get them. I imagine just like every other craving I will get over it and move on to a new one.
Sapnap:
My mood swings have been insane so far during pregnancy like way morse than they would be before my period is due to arrive. I feel so awful that Sapnap has to deal with me because he used to hate it when I got so very emotional before my period and now its constant and like x1000.
I have been slightly more emotional than usual today which has just been ruining my day because I can't seem to get anything done without crying or raging at myself but I've yet to spend much time with Sapnap so he has been spared from my disastrous day so far. This soon changed when he came downstairs and sat with me on the sofa.
He attempted to cuddle with me but something in my brain told me that I didn't want that and I should be mad at him for even trying to be affectionate even though I love him so very much.
"No get off me" I said a bit too harshly
"Oh I'm sorry baby is there anything you want?" He asked trying to be accommodating
I shrugged him off still slightly angry but getting over it very quickly and feeling bad for half yelling at him. My anger soon completely dissolved and was replaced by sadness at the fact that I had yelled and now wanted to cuddle but he wasn't going to want to now right, I mean I've just yelled at him so why would he want to cuddle.
A few tears started to form in my eyes and soon spilled out onto my face wetting my cheeks which I tired to hide by facing away from Sapnap but of course he knows me and tried to see what I was hiding. As soon as he saw I was crying he put his hands on my face to wipe the tears and gave me a kiss.
"What's wrong babe? How can I fix it?" He asked
"I feel bad for yelling and I want cuddles but you don't want to give them to me because I was mean" I explained
"You are so silly of course I'll still give you cuddles if you want them" he said
He pulled me into a big bear hug where we stayed for the rest of the day and night.
Quackity:
I have been having a lot of odd cravings over the past few weeks most of which are completely unnatural and Alex thinks are gross but they actually taste really good. To me at least.
Tonight I was really feeling like eating chicken nuggets with honey, I really wanted to eat it but I was scared to ask Alex to come to the store with me because he would think it was weird and judge me which my fragile little heart couldn't take.
"Alex will you go to the store with me please?" I asked
"Of course love what do you want this time?" He asked
"Chicken nuggets and honey" I whispered
"What was that" he questioned
"Chicken nuggets and honey" I said a bit louder
"That sounds interesting lets go" he said
He grabbed my hand and pulled me up and to the car where we went to McDonald's for the chicken nuggets and then target for the honey before going back home. Alex was interested to try this combination too so the both of us sat down to try it. At first the flavour was really weird but once you got used to it it was really good actually and now I think I'm obsessed and by the looks of things so is Alex because his face looked like he had just had the best thing ever.
Karl:
Oh my has it been a rollercoaster so far, I've been so over emotional and have been craving so many different things it is so hard to keep up with for me let alone Karl.
This morning I was trying to make breakfast and I couldn't open the milk which upset me but then the bowls were up too high so I couldn't reach which made me even more upset but the last straw for this morning was when I had just sat down after struggling with everything and someone rang the doorbell just as I was about to eat the cereal I had really been wanting. I answered the door to collect the parcel the man had before going back to the living room with tears starting to slip down my face.
I'm not sure why I was so upset but I was which stopped me eating my cereal because I was crying which made me cry more because I really wanted the cereal, it was just an awful cycle. Karl walked in as I was staring at my full bowl of cereal sobbing which caused him to run over to see what was wrong.
"Hey hey whats wrong?" He asked
"Nothing is going right and all I want to do is eat my cereal but I can't because I'm crying which is making me more upset" I ranted
"Oh honey I'm sorry how about you follow my breathing to calm down and then eat your cereal ok?" He suggested
He helped me calm down enough to be able to eat my cereal which was kind of soggy by now but I still very much enjoyed it and soon got back to my normal self.
Wilbur:
My hormones are all over the place which normally I can handle but every now and then I get too overly emotional and just cry over random things, this usually happens when I'm alone so I just deal with it myself.
Today Wilbur took the day off from working so he's here to see the rollercoaster that is my day and believe me it can be a rollercoaster. I had a breakdown this morning when doing chores I was unloading the dishwasher and I kept almost dropping everything I touched which made me so mad at myself and really sad at the same time. I just left the room and sat down for a minute talking to myself to sort my brain out then went back to doing chores.
Later in the afternoon we were watching a nature documentary which we do a lot and there was this lizard and her babies that were being hunted by a large bird, I was willing them to get away but the bird caught the babies and the mother got away. This made me so sad that the lizard lost her babies while I was sat there carrying my baby. I started crying thinking about the fact that anything could happen to little bean once their here.
"It's ok love its just natures way" Wilbur said
"But what if bad things happen to bean when their here obviously not like that but anything could happen" I sniffled
"We will protect bean as best we can to stop anything bad happening but for now their safe where they are" Wilbur said
This made me feel better and luckily the rest of the documentary wasn't sad at all and there was some cute moments which made me forget about all my worries.
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cdroloisms · 3 years
Text
take a shot - dsmp!mcc fic
MCC FIC! MCC FIC! MCC FIC! To be clear, I outlined this weeks back, when teams were first announced, and I took very very little from the actual MCC itself when it came to actually writing this - all I have are the same teams, but it really exists in its own continuity outside of Real Life MCC (obviously, as it’s using the dsmp characters) and everything like that as a whole! Just to be clear :D)
The worldbuilding is also Absolutely Bullshitted start to finish, as well as any and all medical information. Rip. We’re here for a good time, not for a long or particularly accurate one - hope you guys enjoy regardless!! I had a LOT of fun writing this fic, dsmp!mcc aus my BELOVED
title obviously from win it all by derivakat
---
Michael loves MCC.
But it’s one thing to love the normal Championships and quite another when his team looks like it’s falling apart from the inside out - and as the games progress, it becomes more and more obvious that losing, this time, might not be an option.
tws: C!QUACKITY CRITICAL (sorry i promise i love him but he is NOT portrayed very nicely here, very dark portrayal of him), implied trauma, abuse, torture, panic attacks, manipulation, gaslighting, needles, hospitals, MCC-typical violence, emotional distress, prison arc, pandora’s vault themes
(16k words !! :D long boi) 
Michael loves MCC.
Of course he does! It’s fucking MCC - like, who wouldn’t love it? MCC is how he met so many people, how he met Dream, that one time, the two of them teamed with Techno and Burren and winning it all - MCC is a goddamn blast and he’s thankful every time he gets the invite that he’s able to compete. 
Still- it’s hard not to be a little more nervous, now. 
Dream gave him an invite to his SMP right after they teamed, but it wasn’t until months later that Michael actually cashed it in. Entering the server, it became very obvious very quickly that the DreamSMP, as it’s known, isn’t quite the same as its shiny media appearance. The spawn was covered in blocks, creeper holes littering the ground. The people he passed were grey-faced, too stoic to be the same, smiling faces he remembers from only less than a year ago. The air stings of gunpowder and iron. Worst of all are The Crater, shoddily covered in glass that does nothing to hide the damage done, rending the server in two straight down to bedrock, and the Prison, looming on the horizon. Absent-mindedly, Michael rubs at his left shoulder, remembering the Warden setting the prongs of his trident against the skin in warning, just hard enough to barely draw blood. Yeah, that place is bad news. 
The fact of the matter is the server is a mess. And like, okay, whatever, Michael gets it. Everyone has their issues - it’s just the DreamSMP seems to have more than most. Despite his original worries, it’s honestly not been as bad as he originally feared upon logging in; yeah, Bad and Puffy and Foolish and the rest of them are a little more trigger-happy than he might’ve expected (and he’s not going to say that Bad crying over turtles wasn’t a little startling when he first joined, but honestly he thinks Bad is just Like That.) There’s way more death than he’s really comfortable with, and Puffy keeps mentioning Bad murdering her son (Foolish? He thinks? The guy is also a literal God but like, families are weird, who’s he to judge) in a way that’s way too casual to come from anyone entirely well-adjusted, but overall his experience has been alright. 
Still, he gets the feeling that nobody exactly wants the outside world to know about the issues with the place. It’s not an issue for him usually, not when his sleeping schedule is the exact opposite of most of the people he knows and he spends most of his time screwing around on the server, anyway (usually harassing the Warden until the asscrack of dawn if he’s being honest) but with MCC, with everyone watching - he’s starting to get why everyone from the SMP was so damn tense all the time, now. 
Anyway- he loves MCC, he really does. But even that doesn’t stop him from wincing when he sees his team card, the names Dream and Quackity and Sapnap written in Scott’s looping handwriting. He’s not seen Sapnap at all since joining the server, has only heard a little about his place (something Kingdom, not that he was paying attention) from Foolish, and has no idea what the man has been up to. Quackity is his own unique can of worms; Michael doesn’t know exactly what’s up with him and his country, but everything he’s heard so far has sounded like nothing but bad news, casinos and schemes and a trail of wreckage following wherever he goes. And Dream-
Michael looks out his window, chewing on his lip, looking directly in the direction where he knows the prison stands, impenetrable, intimidating. Where Dream’s cell is, in line with his house, where he’s been hidden for months without a trace. Where the Warden had confronted him that one night, a dangerous gleam in his eyes, blood splattered on his boots. 
There’s no real ignoring an MCC invite - not without good reason, not without the admins picking up on something being up. There’s not really a choice, here, but for Michael to duck his head down and pretend everything’s fine just like everyone else from the SMP. He directs one last glance at the prison before walking away, setting the invite on his counter. If he’s lucky, everything will turn out fine. 
(He ignores the part of him that asks what’s going to happen if they’re not. No point in worrying about what hasn’t happened yet - right?) 
---
Weeks pass, the tournament creeping closer, and Michael gets no alerts from his teammates on his comm. No one comes to his house to check in, say hi, not even a ‘hey, we’re kinda competing in a massive tournament in like, seven days, you ready?’ Hell, he even starts checking his goddamn mailbox for a letter or something only to come up empty-handed every time. Never mind performing well - it’ll be a miracle if their team manages to arrive at the tournament at all. 
It isn’t until the day before MCC, the sun high in the sky at what must be near noon, when he finally gets a message on his comm. Michael fishes it out with a frustrated huff, seeing Quackity’s name pop up first when he manages to turn on the screen. 
Quackity whispers to you: you down for some practice?
It takes a couple seconds for him to blink away his shock - out of everyone he expected to arrange practice for their team, Quackity was definitely not at the top of the list. He half-thought they would have to drag him to the tournament kicking and screaming; from what he’s heard, he’s been nothing if not devoted to his country. Shaking his head, he goes to reply; practice is practice, and their team really needs it. 
You whisper to Quackity: sure. practice server?
Quackity whispers to you: yes
Pulling up his server list, Michael scrolls for the practice server, finding it and then letting the server transfer do the rest. A few nausea-inducing seconds later, he’s at the practice server spawn, standing in the middle of a neatly paved road surrounded by colorful arenas and signs. 
“Michael!” 
He turns; there, by the Battle Box arenas, Quackity is waving at him, already dressed in a red varsity jacket and a pair of shorts, the jacket bearing a front pocket embroidered with a rabbit and a large R stitched onto the back. He reaches behind him for a red bag, throws it his way for Michael to catch mid-air. 
“Got these outfits for us last minute - hope it’s alright with you,” Quackity smiles, and Michael tries to prevent his eyes from clinging to the scar spanning the entire left side of his face. “Anyway- how are you, man? I feel like we haven’t seen each other at all on the server. How’s it been?”
“I’m good- it’s been good.” Michael opens the drawstring bag, cataloguing the contents - there’s a jacket, just like Quackity’s, a pair of shorts and sweatpants, a t-shirt, and a headband, all in varying shades of red and white. “Nice outfit- thank you. Is anyone else around?”
Quackity waves a hand behind him. “Yeah- Dream’s here. Should be coming out of the arena soon, actually.” Michael looks over behind his shoulder to where he’s pointing - there, walking down the stairs, is another figure wearing all red that must be Dream. “There he is- hey Dream! Michael’s here!” 
Dream hurries down the stairs; unlike Quackity, he is wearing the sweatpants along with the same jacket, hands stuffed in his pockets. His hair is a lot longer than Michael remembers, pulled back behind his head in a ponytail, mask, as usual, fastened over his face. He settles behind Quackity, giving Michael a small wave; his hands are covered by a pair of fingerless gloves. 
“Hey, Dream!” Michael grins; it’s been such a long time since he’s seen his old teammate, and despite the circumstances and everything that’s apparently happened since then, it’s still pretty damn nice to see him. “How’ve you been?”
Dream seems to freeze for a moment, before shaking his head. “Good,” he says, quiet, sounding almost breathless. Michael’s eyes go to the slivers of skin that show on either side of his face, to the slight shake to his hands. 
“You alright? You look a little pale,” Michael asks, and he definitely doesn’t miss the way Dream stills at the words, muscles tensing, gaze averting to the side even with the mask - doesn’t miss how Quackity steps forward, looking Michael in the eye as he tosses a casual arm around Dream’s shoulder, smiling brightly. 
“Don’t worry. This idiot has just been practicing a bit too much before you got here,” Quackity gestures with a flippant twist of his wrist, “You know how he gets. Right, Dream?” 
“Um- yeah. Ha,” Dream responds just a little too late to be strictly normal, shoulders tight and nearly pulled to his ears under Quackity’s arm. “Practice- I’m a little out of shape.” 
“You sure?” Dream’s breathing hitches and Quackity steps forward, just a little bit, eyes still fixed firmly on Michael’s own even as he shifts his gaze to try and look at Dream. “We can take a break if you need, Dream-”
“I’m fine!” Dream smiles with a little stuttered breath that turns into a small laugh, “It’s- uh. It’s fine. Thanks Michael, but we can practice. Not much time left to waste, you know?”
“You sure, Dream?” Quackity says, suddenly, voice soft and sincere. “I guess it has been a while since you’ve been able to practice- you sure you don’t need a break?”
Dream shakes his head firmly. “No- it’s fine. Really- where’s Sapnap? He should be coming soon, right?”
“If you say so, pal,” Quackity replies, doubt coloring his tone as he pulls out his communicator. “I told Sapnap to come, he replied a couple minutes back; he should be here soon, I think. You want to go meet him at spawn?”
Dream nods, and they begin to set out towards the center of the server, Quackity and Dream quickly taking the lead as Michael falls back. After a minute, Quackity falls into casual conversation, rambling about something as Dream nods, Michael trailing behind the two of them and adding his own input as he sees fit. Sapnap arrives soon after, and the noise level picks up even more after that, Sapnap and Quackity falling into an easy rhythm of banter and quips as they set out to practice Battle Box and Parkour Tag, carefully working their way through the different games under Dream’s tutelage and advice. 
And here’s the thing- Michael isn’t stupid. Yeah, he’d hardly consider himself a top tier MCC player, and he’ll be the first to say that he’s nowhere near qualified to deal with the literal laundry list of issues that affect every member of the SMP, but even so, he’s not clueless. He’s good at looking at multiple sides of a situation, doesn’t easily give into intimidation or manipulation, and he’s observant as all hell. So when Quackity wraps his hand around Dream’s wrist, fingers wrapping all the way around until his knuckles pale, when Dream winces, muscles in his arm locking before letting it go limp, not protesting when Quackity drags him forward except in the tiny, tight expressions that flit across his face every few moments, tight and gasping and shaky at the corners - Michael notices. 
“See you at the tourney, yeah?” Quackity calls to him after practice with a wink before clapping Dream on the back, Michael watching silently as the muscles of Dream’s neck pull tight, head ducking to his chest. “Good job, big guy,” he says, laughing. “Keep this up for tomorrow and we’ll be good.”
“Mmhm,” Dream mutters after a brief second, “We’re- we’re gonna win.”
“Betting on it, pal,” Quackity replies, voice light in a way that completely fails to explain Dream’s full-body flinch. “MCC, huh? Can’t fucking wait.”
“See you tomorrow, Quackity,” Michael says as he presses DreamSMP on his server list, pretending that a chill doesn’t crawl down his spine at the smile that the other man throws his way in return. 
---
There’s no real easy answer.
Michael comes to that conclusion at some point in the middle of the night, restless and pumped on way too much adrenaline to go to sleep. He can’t outright antagonize Quackity, can’t let him know he knows something’s up - not when Quackity had already spent the majority of practice keeping one dark, narrowed eye on him at all times, lips pursed in a slight frown whenever he thought Michael wasn’t looking. He’s not stupid; whatever’s happening between Dream and Quackity is secret, and kept that way for a reason. His mind goes back to the brief flashes of anxiety that had moved over Dream’s face before he could react fast enough to school them back into a carefully neutral position; whatever it is, he doubts it bodes well for Dream in the slightest. 
Unfortunately, his hands are pretty damn tied. He knows public opinion on the masked man in the server is overwhelmingly negative, but has no damn idea how far it extends. How many people are in on whatever’s happening in that damn prison? How many people know what would make Dream, bold and bright and recklessly confident in all of Michael’s (rather limited) memories, into someone so quiet, unimposing, nervous? His head spins with the possibilities, with the ever-present reminder to not make a fuss, let the tournament pass on, to never, ever let anyone find out what’s going on within the SMP. Should he do anything at all? 
Too soon, it’s morning, and he drags himself out of bed with a groan to glare at the sun streaming through his window. Somewhere, Quackity and Dream and Sapnap are also waking up, are preparing to compete in one of the biggest damn tournaments to exist. Michael sighs, glancing over to where he’s set out his outfit, freshly pressed and waiting. Any other day, and he’d probably be fucking ecstatic. Here, he buries his head in his hands, muffling a frustrated groan against the palm of his hands. 
He loves MCC, but he sure as hell doesn’t like whatever the hell is going on with the rest of his team. 
Getting into the server goes smoothly enough. The outfit is comfortable and looks damn good, props to whoever made the thing, and the sight of the multicolored crowd successfully manages to tamp down some of his nerves. He busies himself with saying hi to all of the members waiting in the lobby, happy for the chance to talk to some people he hasn’t seen in ages, feels the night of anxieties wash away with every stupid joke told and burst of laughter drawn from his lungs. 
They come back the moment Scott steps up in front of the lobby. “Teams, it’s time to head to your team rooms! The tournament will begin in fifteen minutes,” Scott says, expression sunny and bright, “we’re wishing you all luck for a great performance today! May the best team win!” 
In a flurry of movement, they’re all whisked to their rooms for a final few minutes of preparation and morale-boosting, and Michael enters the glorified dressing room to Quackity, Dream, and Sapnap already standing there, seemingly in the middle of conversation. 
“You ready to win?” Sapnap yells, and Quackity whoops, and Michael manages a small cheer of his own. They’re all visibly nervous; Quackity has scarcely stopped moving, pacing from one side of the room to the next; Sapnap is basically jumping in place where he stands. Dream stands at the very back of the room, looking tense; Michael directs a wave his way and gets a small one in return. 
“Game plan, game plan,” Quackity mutters, “do we know what games we’re playing first? Dream?”
He nods at Dream, and Dream stands up straighter, mouth falling open.
“Oh- um,” he hesitates, a strand of hair flopping forwards as he tilts his head in thought. “We’ll want to save Parkour Tag and Battle Box towards the end- maybe something more high-risk at the beginning, but not first, just to boost morale,” his teeth catch on his bottom lip, “Maybe something like To Get To The Other Side? If they have that- or Build Mart, if we can get it out of the way.” He shakes his head. “If that’s alright- I mean-”
“Great,” Quackity cuts in smoothly. “Sapnap? Michael? Does that sound good to you?”
Sapnap flashes a thumbs up, and Michael nods. “Yeah, sounds great. Thanks, Dream.”
Dream’s head snaps towards him, mouth slightly open in shock. The sight of it makes Michael’s gut twist uncomfortably; there’s something about how surprised he is, at the nervous hesitancy with which he spoke that was nothing like what Michael remembers of his easy leadership in that MCC with Techno, that doesn’t sit right at all in his stomach. Even with his expression largely hidden, there’s no mistaking the clear, genuine surprise on his face at the idea of someone thanking him - Michael tries to tell himself that he’s reading too much into it as Quackity continues to speak. 
“We’re going to win,” he grins, just a little too sharp at the edges, “so get out there and play like your lives depend on it, yeah?” 
Sapnap cheers, and again, Michael and Dream follow. It’s not until he’s outside the door, within the clamor of screaming teams and people counting down with the timer that Michael realizes that Quackity was staring at Dream the entire time. 
---
Michael curses, frustrated, when he’s knocked off a platform again, making sure to flip Krinios the bird before he falls into the Void entirely. When he makes it to the other side, Quackity and Dream are already deep in conversation - if you can call it that. Even from here, it looks worryingly one-sided.
“-were you thinking, falling off there-” Quackity’s hand is on Dream’s shoulder, Dream standing stock-still in front of him, “you better be taking this seriously, Dream.”
“Hey- sorry about that,” Michael calls with a wave, “I swear Krinios had it out for me. At least I made it across, right?” 
Quackity turns, startled, and in the split-second that it takes for him to register Michael’s appearance, his expression smooths over into something friendlier, more inviting. “Michael!” He says, enthusiastic, and it’s like the anger that had filled his words just seconds before was never there at all. “Don’t- don’t worry about it, man. We all kinda dropped the ball on that one, right Dream?” 
The words should be encouraging, just simple ribbing between teammates. Dream’s mask is still ducked down, facing the floor, shoulders slightly hunched in. 
“Um- Sapnap did pretty good,” Dream says, quiet, “he got top ten, right?” 
Michael looks over to where Sapnap is standing a little ways away, seemingly busy typing on his communicator. Quackity laughs, sharp and loud. 
“True,” he punches Dream lightly on the upper arm, and Michael watches the way he freezes the second the fist makes contact with his jacket, “come on, man, you’re losing your touch. You really gonna let yourself get beat by Sapnap?” he shakes his head, still laughing as he pulls open his communicator. “Jesus- even I beat you in that last round. Watch your spot, Dream, I’m coming for you.” 
“I mean,” Michael says when a second passes and it becomes clear Dream isn’t going to respond, “Dream was doing pretty well with the last two rounds, right? I thought I saw his name pretty far up there.” 
Quackity takes a second before responding, again, staring at Michael oddly as he does. “That’s true,” he concedes, “hey- I was just making a joke, don’t worry. It’s all for fun, right Dream?”
His gaze goes to Dream, and automatically, Michael follows. Dream seems to startle under the attention, twitching Quackity’s direction in the awkward silence that results. Michael watches as the mask slants slightly to face Quackity, as Quackity looks back at him with an intense, unreadable expression, shoulders strangely tense. Whatever unsaid conversation that seems to pass between them is entirely lost on Michael as Dream finally responds with a sudden, almost strangled bark of laughter. 
“Yeah- just jokes,” his fingers twist over one another, hands held close together in front of his body, “Though Qu- Q’s right, I- I should probably pick it up. We’re playing to win.” 
A ding alerts them to the end of the round, and Michael steadies himself in preparation for the teleport to the next map. As he turns, he catches Quackity’s expression, once again, and the self-satisfied smirk on his face as he continues to look at Dream. 
“Good luck,” he calls just before they enter the next round, and tries not to think too much about what he’s saying it for. 
---
They manage pretty well for the rest of To Get To The Other Side, finishing with a second place overall that got cheers from Sapnap and even a slight smile from Dream. Hole in the Wall, on the other hand, has been a lot less successful - though Michael will be the first to say that it’s his fault. His practice in the last few months has been lackluster (at best) and it definitely showed in the arena. 
He leans over the railing, watching Dream and Sapnap through the crowd of participants left that have yet to be knocked out by the giant walls of slime. Quackity’s standing next to him, having been similarly thrown off the platform early in the round, expression tight and lips set in a small frown, and looking at him for too long makes Michael uneasy so he looks down at the arena again. They’re in the last round, and they’re supposed to be making callouts anyway for their teammates still participating below.
Without thinking, once again, Michael looks over at Dream. Sue him, he knows the guy best and Dream has been acting odd all day, to put it lightly. Even ignoring the part of him that’s screaming that something’s wrong, that there’s something up that has everything to do with the beanie-wearing man standing besides him, it only takes a few minutes of observation to see that Dream is - for the lack of a better word - off. Michael watches as he vaults over another wall, only barely managing to bring himself to his feet in time on the other side. Dream’s movements - even to his untrained eye - have always been fluid, effortless. He jumped and vaulted and ran like gravity didn’t exist, like every physics-bending maneuver he made was as easy as breathing. Michael remembers watching him sprint over the parkour course before, time completely unmatched as he appraised each obstacle and basically flew his way through, sounding hardly even winded when he whooped loudly in victory from the top of the salmon ladder. In total contrast, Dream jerks away from the coming wall again, movements sloppy and harsh as he scrambles to the other side of the disc-shaped arena. He’s still fast, and still making jumps, but everything is strangely angled where it had once been fluid, stopping and starting suddenly, moving in bursts of speed and then skidding to sudden stops. 
“WEST!” Quackity shouts, and Michael watches as Dream’s head turns jerkily at the noise before he dives out of the way of the incoming wall and manages, barely, to twist around the side. Michael winces at the tumble he takes on the opposite side, clutching his chest slightly as he stands back up again. 
“North!” Michael calls, because he should probably actually help his teammates, huh, and Dream manages to move around this one better, jumping through a hole in the wall and tucking and rolling as he lands. “Nice jump- East!” 
It’s an easy wall, thankfully, and both Sapnap and Dream visibly take a breath as they stand in place for the wall to pass over them. As it passes, a droning buzz comes from the speakers, and the walls below them speed up. 
“South-to your right!” Michael shouts as they turn, eyes turning between all of the false walls before finally focusing on the right one, his shout echoed by a similar one from Quackity. At each one of the calls from the man besides him, Dream seems to tighten further, movements increasingly erratic as he dodges and weaves around the walls. There’s still a lot of people left - Michael follows Dream through the crowd with a frown, watching as he and Sapnap jump the next wall, Dream’s foot nearly catching on the top edge. 
“West-” Dream flinches, jumping over the two-high wall at the last possible second, landing completely off-balance on the other side and falling to the ground. He scrambles to his feet, but there’s already a wall at the west edge of the platform - his head turns, still searching for the wall - Quackity yells.
“LEFT!”
Something in Dream’s movements seem to shift, even in the distance - Michael watches as he immediately, almost robotically, steps to the left at Quackity’s voice, not even jumping, not turning his head to take in his surroundings, just moving instinctually at the words, and slams into the coming wall hard enough to get flung into the middle hole in the platform. Quackity curses, fist crashing into the railing as Dream falls and the chat message shows on their communicators, and a second later he’s materialized beside them, face oddly slack and mask focused somewhere faraway. 
“Shit,” Dream mutters when he seems to come back into himself, shaking his head and then turning to the two of them, still by the railing, “Dammit. Sorry, I-“ 
“Don’t worry about it,” Michael cuts in before Quackity can speak. “You did good.” 
“I-” Dream catches Quackity’s gaze, then pushes his head away, mask facing the ground. Something about it and his raised shoulders and the dark, angry glare that Quackity directs over the railing when Michael looks back makes him shift in place, uneasy. “Could’ve done better, ha. Sorry.” 
The three of them watch, silent, as Sapnap continues to compete. He manages to get pretty damn far, making it to the top three, but getting knocked off-balance by a wall and off the platform just before the timer sounds. Michael cringes back at the sound of it over the speakers, watches the other contestants settle into place, panting, in victory.
“Great job, Sapnap,” Michael shouts when he materializes in front of them, and the other two are quick to echo his sentiments. If they sound a little duller than they should be, if Quackity’s jaw seems clenched and Dream’s all coiled up like a spring, far too tense, it’s from placing lower than they wanted and slipping in the rankings, not anything else.
Keep your head down, Michael reminds himself, and everything’s gonna be fine. And if the words ring more and more hollow with every repetition, well, that’s for him to ignore and for everyone else to never, ever find out. 
---
Buildmart is chosen next, which they all groan at, but at least it’s going to be out early and not left to ruin all of their scores later. Michael takes his place at his build, one third from the left side - it’s some abomination of colored glass and white concrete meant, if he is to guess, to emulate a stained glass window. He’s between Dream and Sapnap, the former positioned in front of a flower-dotted grass field with a picnic table, the latter staring down a miniature car with black concrete for tires and stone buttons for detailing. He breathes a steady breath as they await the countdown, already planning for his trip to the Colors section to grab materials for his build and the others’- Buildmart isn’t his strongest game, but it’s not his worst either, and he’s damn well going to try his best. 
He skids into the portal with an armful of colored concrete and glass, spilling half of its contents inside a chest before running to his build. He pulls himself to the crafting bench to craft - he squints at his build - he needs four red glass panes and 3 yellow, right. As he brings the panes to his inventory and begins laying out the frame of the build in concrete, he looks over to Dream, who is noticeably struggling with placing the flowers in his build and getting the placements to match that of the original. He knocks away a white tulip with a muffled curse, sounding frantic as he looks back to the original, and places it again to no avail. 
It seems that his struggle hasn’t only caught Michael’s attention, as the statue to the leftmost side of the room explodes in gold coins and confetti - Quackity has finished his build and is now looking at Dream with narrowed eyes. Dream places the flower again, and the build refuses to respond. Quackity’s gaze narrows further, and he opens his mouth-
“Hey Quackity!” Michael starts speaking before he’s even noticed that he’s opened his mouth, fumbling as he regains awareness of what he’s doing and tries to find a direction for his sentence to go, “do you have any concrete?”
Quackity looks at him like he’s grown a second head, which is fair, considering there’s a block of white concrete pretty obviously visible in his hand. “Um- no? Weren’t you supposed to go to Colors?”
Dream finally manages to place the tulip where it belongs, and the build between them disappears in another explosion of gold glitter. Michael laughs awkwardly. 
“Sorry- haha. I got a little mixed up.” He places the last piece of white concrete, watching as his own build disappears. A little wooden cottage takes its place, made of what appears to be just oak wood and cobblestone. “Are you going to get wood? Or should I?”
“I- You get wood,” Quackity shakes his head, visibly frustrated, “And I’ll get stone. We have to hurry, we’re falling behind.” 
After that, Michael finds it a little too easy - or maybe not easy, but at least tolerable, to interrupt when Quackity looks a little like he’s about to fall on the side of being angry versus just annoyed, stepping between his angry glares at Dream with a forced smile and an incessant string of annoying questions- 
“Hey Quackity, do you have any spare iron?”
“Hey Quackity, I think you placed that a little too far back.”
“Hey Quackity, can you take a look to see what I placed wrong?” 
It’s not perfect. It’s hardly even functional; Michael knows that Quackity has begun with the habit of directing death glares at his back whenever he thinks he’s not looking, his responses to Michael’s questions becoming more and more clipped, often paired with irritated grumbles and sighs. Sapnap, when Michael looks at him, seems largely engrossed with his own builds, but he’s also begun looking over at the two of them with a vaguely dissatisfied expression, and Dream only seems to be getting more jumpy with every frustrated growl out of Quackity’s mouth. Even Michael’s forced levity and falsely ignorant questions can’t do much against Quackity’s anger when they walk out of Buildmart dead last for the minigame, dropping their team all the way down to seventh in the overall rankings, and the tension within the team as they walk out - Quackity nearly stomping, Dream following with his hands wringing around each other and head ducked fearfully - is almost enough to make Michael scream. He looks at the scoreboard with a worried expression as he enters the Decision Dome, trying to quell the sinking feeling in his gut. 
There’s still five more games to go, and he’s not sure how long they can last before something snaps. 
---
Battle Box is chosen next, and they react to the game with quiet cheers and slightly grim faces. Michael’s been in enough MCCs to know that this game, of any, is crucial - after their lacking performances in the last two games, a good showing at Battle Box will be crucial to pull them back into the competition and raise morale. With Sapnap and Dream, if this were any normal game, they should be able to sweep through a good amount of the competition without much effort. As it is, though, Michael looks at the two more combat-oriented members of his team with a worried expression, the two barely even able to meet each other’s eyes. Their interactions so far have been less than promising- if they can’t hold it together for this round, well. 
Michael shakes his head. They’ll do fine. They have to. 
Even so, the first round only seems to confirm his concerns - they get woolrushed almost immediately, and in Dream and Sapnap’s stumbling to get to mid, nearly crashing into each other and focusing their efforts on the same player by accident, the other team manages to fill out the wool, sending them back to the spawn box even more frustrated than before. 
“Amazing teamwork, guys,” Quackity snarks immediately, and Michael rolls his eyes. 
“Like you did that much.” 
Sapnap is still staring at Dream oddly, Dream turning his head to avoid his gaze. The two of them look largely oblivious to Quackity and his whole deal, even as Quackity whirls around to give him the stink eye. 
“You didn’t do anything either, if I remember correctly,” Quackity mutters, and Michael shrugs. 
“Fair.” 
A ding alerts them to the round’s end, and they resign themselves to preparing for the next round. Michael picks the extra arrows from the wall, knowing that no one else will want the kit, and watches as Dream anxiously runs his hands over the crossbow. 
The next round goes better, barely; Michael and Quackity end up knocked out pretty early, but Dream and Sapnap manage to kill the rest of the team soon after. He watches from the box as they fill in the wool, Dream looking awfully tense as he shears away the white wool for Sapnap to fill it with red. Quackity watches them both with a tight expression, hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. 
Michael turns away, ignoring him, going back to watching Dream and Sapnap still standing within the arena. Both of them look awkward, oddly out of step with each other - Michael’s not watched them fight much, but he knows that they have a reputation as a pair, was there for the Sky Battle round where they completely wiped through the competition. Even here, Sapnap moves forward and Dream flinches back - there’s something heavy and tense between them, lingering in the few words they’ve spoken to each other, if they’ve even spoken to each other at all, one always rushing forward too fast or following just a little too slow. They’re still brilliant fighters, almost unrivaled in hand-to-hand combat and with swords, but the faltering communication is sure to hurt them more in the future. 
His worries come true just three rounds later, the two in between being narrow wins for their team, each a little more shaky than would be comfortable. Michael has found himself easing off the worst of his anxiety in verbally sparring with Quackity, jabbing at the other with offhand remarks and little needling jokes to keep his attention off the other two, especially as his glare has become more pronounced and his words more angry. Even so, nothing he does or can do will fix the odd tension between Dream and Sapnap, whose communication remains as stilted and awkward as ever. 
They’re facing a stronger team, PVP wise, with Punz and Seapeekay, and Michael ends up falling in a bow duel against Jack. He watches as the Captain falls to a potion by Sapnap, then as Jack is taken out by a crossbow bolt courtesy of Dream, just before Quackity falls to a well-timed bow shot from the opposing team. 
That leaves the strongest PVPers to battle it out, and Dream and Sapnap manage to team up and kill CPK - but not without taking a nasty damage potion to the face that must leave the two of them low. Michael watches Punz, booking it to mid with a crossbow, anxiously - both of them would be a oneshot with the thing, and on the condition that he takes no damage before fighting with either of them outright, he’s probably got enough health to hold out a few hits. 
Sapnap pulls out a health potion, and Michael grins - that’ll be good for the two of them, and should secure them the win - only for him to gesture roughly with his sword and for Dream to stagger backwards, panic flashing over his face. He only seems to grow more fearful at the sound of glass shattering on the ground, falling backwards further - far enough to be largely out of range of health pot - and in their shock, Punz manages to catch both of them off guard and nail Sapnap with a crossbow bolt that downs him for the round before similarly dispatching Dream in two hits of his sword.
Sapnap explodes upon respawn in the box - “What was that? I had a health pot!”
“I-” Dream fumbles, face still oddly pale, “Sorry I didn’t- I- I-”
“We had that round!” Sapnap’s arms flail forward as he gestures angrily, Dream freezing further as one hand skims past his shoulder. “I can’t believe- I had a health pot! Punz was on, like, half! We could’ve killed him!”
“Easy, easy,” Quackity moves forward, putting a hand on both of their shoulders - Sapnap seems to relax immediately, while Dream, if anything, only looks more tense. “It’s time for the next round - we’ll talk about this later, alright?” 
Dream nods, movements overly tense, and Quackity flashes a toothy smile his way as Sapnap moves back, still mumbling to himself. He and Quackity move to talk in the back corner, words quiet enough that Michael cannot make them out, and something sick and cold slithers over his spine. Sapnap and Quackity are fiancés, aren’t they? 
Michael looks over at Dream, mask still covering his face as he looks away through the glass to the arena, shoulders still tight as Michael’s pretty sure they’ve been for as long as he’s seen him since he came onto the server. He remembers the panic that make itself obvious on his face every time Quackity came up to him, even as covered as it is, the similar- if not the same- fear that had painted his face when he respawned fresh off of the Battle Box round after Sapnap’s sword had passed a little too close to his body. 
Quackity and Dream- he’s sure, even if he doesn’t want to admit it, that there’s something going on there, dark and dreadful and poisonous. Who’s to say that Sapnap isn’t involved, as well? 
---
They finish Battle Box decently well, but not as well as they’d hoped, pulling them up to fifth place with a decently large gap between them and fourth. Quackity and Dream disappear immediately as the Audience Votes begin coming in, leaving Sapnap and Michael to stand awkwardly in the lobby to wait for the rest of their team to come back. Michael watches the crowd for a glimpse of Quackity and Dream, comes up empty. A sigh fizzles through his teeth as he looks up into the sky, the endless blue doing little to ease his nerves - he’s worried, even if he doesn’t want to think about it, for his teammates. For Dream. 
It doesn’t take a genius to see that the man is scared of Quackity, that there’s an odd sort of history there that Michael conveniently has no information about. Whatever it is, it’s left Dream unsure and uncharacteristically nervous, left the entire team floundering without proper leadership to tie them all together. Really, a part of him knows that the Championships should be the least of his concerns - if he were braver, or a little better at combat, or a little less inclined to just let things pass as they always have, then he’d be raising a fuss. Getting in the way, talking to Dream, doing something other than making backhanded compliments to Quackity that he’s sure have been doing little more than annoy the man further. 
“Michael?” Sapnap comes within his line of sight, lips pressed together in a carefully put-together expression that Michael is sure will collapse the moment they’re away from others’ prying eyes, “Can we speak for a moment?”
Michael forces another easy smile to his face as he turns towards his teammate, feels a little disgusted at the amount of them he’s had to use to simply function with the rest of his team. “Sure! Where to?”
They walk at a brisk pace to the team room, Sapnap’s eyes focused forwards the entire time, not speaking. If he’s being honest, it’s a little awkward, but the lighthearted comment on his tongue to break the silence dies out the minute Sapnap closes the door and looks back at him with fierce, focused eyes boring into him. 
“What’s your deal?” He hisses immediately, words pitched low even though he doesn’t really have to - there’s no one nearby, and the team rooms are decently soundproofed. Michael feels his hackles rising as Sapnap’s arms cross in front of him, eyes still focused on his own as he talks. “I’m not going to lie- I don’t know you that well, even though you’re on the SMP now, but can you quit it with Quackity already?”
“Quit what?” Michael snarks - sue him - matching Sapnap’s tone with irritation of his own. 
“Don’t- you’ve been antagonizing Quackity all day,” Sapnap’s hand runs through his hair, messing up his hair and tangling it into knots, “And I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’re kind of in the middle of a competition here? So it’d be really nice if you could save the fighting for until after we’re done?”
“Says you?” Michael can’t help the retort this time, huffing irately at the offended expression that flashes over the other’s face, “I don’t really know if you’ve noticed, but your teamwork has been a little less than stellar, today. Pot calling the kettle black, much?”
“What-” Sapnap looks confused, even through his anger, gesturing more and more wildly. “What do you even mean?”
“Oh, so are we just ignoring what just happened in Battle Box then?” 
Sapnap’s eyes flash as he closes into himself again, hands gripping at his upper arms as he crosses his arms in front of his chest once again. “That- that’s different. That’s because of Dream.”
“Oh, just keep blaming it on the other guy, why don’t you?”
“No-” Sapnap shakes his head furiously. “You haven’t been on here for nearly as long, you don’t get it, Michael. Dream- he’s-,” Sapnap flails, and Michael groans at the familiar words. 
“Dream’s what? I was on the team with the guy before, you know. It’s kind of the reason why he invited me in the first place?” He raises an eyebrow. “We worked together perfectly well then - am I supposed to believe that his self-proclaimed ‘best friend’ can’t do the same?” 
“You don’t understand,” Sapnap repeats, expression hard and oddly far away, “Dream- he’s changed- he’s done so many terrible things. I don’t know what he’s said to convince you, but he’s bad news, man. He’s hurt- so many people.” 
“Oh- you want to talk about hurting people?” 
Michael isn’t quite sure what comes over him - only really realizes a white-hot flash of rage lancing through his chest, a sleepless night and half a competition’s  worth of anxiety and frustration and build up combining into a sizzling spike of fury that briefly tinges his vision red. 
“How about the way Dream looks like he’s about to keel over whenever anyone gets close to him? How about how he flinches back at literally every loud noise and fast movement? How about how Quackity’s been making these stupid, angry comments at him for the entire competition that make him freeze for a minute each time? Or how about when you were in Battle Box and Dream backed away from your sword like he thought you were gonna drive it through his chest?” Michael barely feels himself stepping forward with each word, jabbing his index finger into the other’s chest. “You want to talk about hurting people? How about you go talk to that fiancé of yours and then come back to talk?” 
A loud, droning buzz comes over the speakers, alerting them of the end of the break. Michael steps back, face flushed in embarrassment, before the world whirls away and they’re teleported back into the Decision Dome. 
He adamantly refuses to meet Sapnap’s eyes as Quackity and Dream materialize in the sector with them, Quackity’s hand clamped around Dream’s upper arm as the other man keeps his eyes fixed firmly on the floor, looking even more panicked and frozen than before the break. 
“You ready to win?” Quackity laughs, and Michael watches as his hand tightens around the sleeve of Dream’s jacket, knuckles paling from the strain. 
“Yeah,” Michael tries to cheer, and it feels like ash on his tongue. “Let’s do this.” 
---
Survival Games ends up being picked next - Quackity and Sapnap quickly pull up to the front of the group, close enough to be within eyesight but too far to really pick up their conversation. Michael keeps an eye out for the reddish glow of their bodies as they scout the surrounding areas for chest, staying back with Dream as they look at the other side of the road. He’d be lying if he said that he didn’t feel a smug sort of satisfaction of Sapnap seemingly confronting Quackity about whatever the hell has been going on, as awkward as his whole outburst had been. As it is, some time with Dream is nice without Quackity watching over his shoulder like a hawk - he directs a small, genuine smile at the man by his side that Dream seems to do a double take at before shyly returning it with one of his own. 
“There- I think I see a chest,” Michael points under a lamppost, running to the wooden box and flicking the lid upwards. He pulls out a chain chestplate that he promptly puts on himself, then throws over the iron boots to his teammate as well as a small stone axe that he’s sure Dream will make better use of. “We should probably catch up to the others - don’t want to be caught off guard while separated.”
Dream nods, and the two of them pick up the pace before finding another chest that Dream rummages through, this time, finding an iron sword that Michael takes for himself and a cake. 
“You’ve been doing really well so far,” Michael says after a few minutes of quiet, words becoming more firm when Dream looks up at him with a surprised expression. “Seriously- you’ve been doing great, man.”
“Thanks,” Dream smiles, words quiet and terribly sincere, and the sinking pit in Michael’s gut returns at the tone. “Not as good as I should, though. I’ve been underperforming a lot,” he laughs a little at the words, but even to Michael’s ears it rings hollow. “It’s not over yet, though.”
“No it’s not,” Michael concedes, rearranging his inventory as they run. “But it’s good enough, man, really - just look at my rankings.”
Dream huffs. “You’ve been doing good, Michael.”
“And you’ve been doing a hell of a lot better than me,” Michael tips his head in his direction. “Give yourself some more credit, man. You’ve been playing well.”
Dream smiles again, but even now the corners of his mouth seem tight, tense. “I need to play better, though, if we want to win,” he says, matter-of-fact, analytical to a damn fault. Michael rolls his eyes, but nods to concede the point. 
“Sure, but that goes for all of us, Dream,” he shakes his head. “And it’s okay if we don’t win, you know?”
“No.” 
Michael turns, frowning. Dream’s tone has become oddly flat, eyes dead as he continues to stare at the pavement under their feet. He seems to be chewing on his lip anxiously, startled out of his own thoughts when he looks up to meet Michael’s gaze. “I mean- I don’t know. I really have- want to win.” 
There’s something so carefully worded about the admission, quiet and scraped open and raw in the slow sincerity of the words. Michael wants to poke at it, wants to understand what’s left him so unsure of every step, what determination lies behind the words that has left desperation clinging to every shallow breath he draws. A crack of thunder on the horizon, heralding a player’s death, reminds him that now is not the time. 
Keep your head down. 
“Alright,” he smiles thinly, hoping that the fracturing, yawning pit of emptiness in his chest isn’t obvious in the words. “Then we’re going to win.” 
---
Michael skids to a stop at the finish line, feeling the elytra deequip as he’s thrown into spectator mode. He runs his hands through his wind-tousled hair, feeling it strain against his fingers as he roughly finger-combs it back into place. Dream and Sapnap are off to the side, standing next to each other but seemingly not speaking - Michael smiles as he floats over, still shaking the adrenaline off from the race. 
“Hey,” the two look up, smile in recognition, and Dream waves; there’s a small smile on his face, strained but present. “You both did really good!” 
“Thanks, Michael,” Dream laughs, earnest, “I did decent, I guess- haha. Top ten at least.” 
Sapnap whoops. “We’re popping off!” Michael cheers in agreement, and their efforts manage to pull Dream’s smile a little wider as he ducks his head to look away again. 
“Thanks, guys.” 
They watch as Quackity flies through the finish line, appearing in front of them and shaking his arms out as he gets his bearings. 
“Geez- that trident,” he shakes his head, looks up. “Hey, there you guys are. How’d we do?” 
“Dream got seventh,” Sapnap scrolls through his comm, looking through the rows of contestants and their times as they come in, interspersed by the occasional chat message, “And I got 10th. Michael got- 28th, I think? And you got 32nd.” 
“Hmm,” Quackity hums, “What do you think, Dream? Is that good enough to pull us to Dodgebolt?”
Once again, Michael watches as Dream stiffens under the scrutiny, head ducking down and looking for all the world like he’d rather be anywhere else. “Um- I don’t know,” Dream mumbles, “I messed up a trident- fell into the void once, probably could’ve done better otherwise-” his voice trails off, tensing further as Quackity takes his usual spot by his side, jabbing an elbow none-too-lightly into his ribs. 
“But you didn’t, though,” Quackity says, tone flippant, “so what do you think? With those placements- is it going to be enough?” 
“Hey, we did great, man,” Michael glares at him, more forward than he’d usually be - but all he can see is the shoulder that he has pressed against Dream’s arm, the way Dream’s stood stock still since the moment he made contact, “Lay off of Dream, would you? He did great.”
“Yeah, Q,” Michael’s eyebrows raise in surprise as Sapnap chimes in from the side, rising further when Sapnap moves forward to link his arm with Quackity’s own and half-drag him away from Dream. “Chill out, man, we popped off. We’re gonna fucking win this, ok?”
Quackity’s lips press together; he’s still smiling, but there’s no mistaking the seething darkness that lingers in his narrowed eyes and furrowed eyebrows, gaze still trained on the pale off-white disk of Dream’s mask. Still, with the rest of the team against him, he’s in a losing fight and he knows it; Michael watches as he visibly backs down, rolling his shoulders back as he lets Sapnap pull him further back. 
“We’re going to fucking win this,” he repeats, and Michael wonders how he manages to make the words sound so much like a threat.
---
“Sky battle,” Sapnap calls as the decision dome below them lights up in confirmation of the penultimate game, expression immediately becoming more focused as he turns back to the rest of the team. “Alright- strats, what are we thinking?”
“There’s the iron at spawn,” Dream starts, interrupted by the teleport to the Sky Battle arena, making him cut himself off comically and take a second to shake off the resulting disorientation, “And then there’s the iron in the nearby island. We gotta pick one, tower as soon as we can.”
“Got it,” Sapnap looks down, seemingly calculating, before looking up again - Michael has heard him compared to fire before, but he thinks this is the first time he’s really seen it; there’s a veritable blaze burning in his eyes as he looks at each member of the team, easily taking charge as they prepare for the first round. “Same buddy system as Survival Games - Q, stick with me, Michael, stick with Dream. I’ll tower to the next island- Dream, you good with getting the iron at spawn and crafting armor for us?” 
Dream startles, before flashing a small thumbs up at the other - Sapnap smiles wider, teeth bared dangerously.
“This is our game,” he cheers, and Michael enthusiastically whoops in reply, “we’re winning this, you got that team? Let’s go!” 
This, Michael thinks, is the way the games should’ve gone - they jump into action upon the start of the game, Michael watching as Dream races through both chests on the spawn island, getting the iron and jumping down cleanly with a water bucket before following Sapnap’s bridge to the other island. He tosses over a pair of leggings and boots as he lands, then takes Sapnap’s excess iron to craft the other pieces of iron for himself and Sapnap as the other man begins shooting at opposing teams. Their communication is near wordless, simple one- or two-word requests communicating all they need as they follow each other seamlessly into the main arena area, sealing off their entrance as they search the ring for other teams.
Sapnap, especially, seems to have shifted - instead of waiting for Dream to take the lead, he seems comfortable barrelling on forward on his own, trusting for Dream to follow his steps. Michael watches as the two of them easily work through the two lagging members of Orange, shooting through a gap in the wall to catch an unsuspecting Yellow player chased by the border. Michael ends up dying to an unlucky block of TNT placed on his head - curses out what appears to be Quig, bounding over to the other side of the arena, and follows Dream and Sapnap as they continue to fight their way through the competition. 
It’s not perfect, for sure - Dream hesitates at a bad place a minute later, ending with Sapnap getting 2v1ed and exploding in a flash of red sparkles. Dream is similarly dispatched a few seconds after, and the three of them watch Quackity, caught in the crossfire of two other teams, before he also goes down. 
“Good work, team,” Sapnap says as he appears, disoriented, in spectator mode, and they watch the remaining two teams battling in a rapidly shrinking border before Fruit falls as well, leaving Pink as the winners. “That was close- we’ve got this.” The conviction in his voice leaves no room for argument, and Michael, briefly, feels bad for anyone that stands in the way of it. 
With the second round, they once again fall into rhythm without any major hiccups - someone tries to cut them off before entering the main arena, but are made quick work of by Sapnap’s relentless onslaught. As Michael watches, Dream seems to regain confidence as well, moving more to fight with Sapnap side by side instead of just playing support, tugging him back from a risky play and catching Punz in a nasty combo that does him in when he manages to slip past Sapnap. 
The four of them end up in the final stand off in the middle, but end up getting caught too high up and killed by the border before they can jump down. Sapnap hisses at the narrow defeat, but the disappointment has hardly seemed to dim his determination - if anything, it seems to burn brighter. 
“Last round,” he mutters, and Michael watches as Dream walks up to him, bumping him lightly with his shoulder. 
“This is our game,” he says, a small smile appearing on his face, and Sapnap returns it with a fiery, blinding one of his own. 
“Ours,” he says, and even just standing on the side, watching - Michael believes it. 
Still, his concerns have yet to disappear - they linger in his mind as they jump into an adrenaline-filled last round, jumpy from excitement and victory just within their grasps. Dream is still more jittery than he should be, taking a second more than usual to react to fights, and his teamwork with Sapnap - while good - is still noticeably rusty. Michael’s lips thin at the memory of Dream backing away from Sapnap’s sword in Battle Box, hunched into himself, almost on the floor, with a clearly desperate edge to his expression - and no matter how he tries, he can’t quite manage to shake it off. 
Unfortunately enough, the third round doesn’t bode well for them from the start - Quackity gets bowed off while bridging to the main arena, and upon entrance there they end up flanked, hard, by another team in a conflict that gets Michael killed within seconds. Sapnap and Dream book it to the other side of the arena, where they manage to work through a full team without too much trouble - but the next minute brings another half-team flying at them from the back, catching them in the middle of trying to recuperate. The two focus Dream in the middle of eating a steak, and Michael watches as Dream steps back instead of moving forward to fight, that same shade of fear making his muscles seize as he stands, stock still, watching helplessly as swords fly his way- Michael cries out, but there’s nothing he can do-
Between one blink and the next, Sapnap is standing in front of Dream, a snarl painting his features as he whirls through both players in a fury. Michael watches, awed, as his sword weaves and dances between the two attacking Dream, making quick work of them both until they’re no more than items scattered over the ground, then grabs Dream by the wrist and drags him up a nearby ladder onto the upper floor, plopping him by the wall and then backing off. 
Sapnap stands back as Dream sits against the wall, breathing fast and labored, dropping to his knees with his hands in front of him, palms up, no weapons in hand. Michael watches, frantic, for the signs of any teams nearby - with Dream panicking and Sapnap’s back to the rest of the arena, they’d be easy pickings - but for once, luck seems to be on their side, because no one comes. Dream heaves a breath through his lungs, deep and shuddery - Sapnap watches, lips flat from concern, but doesn’t speak. 
“You good to continue?” he asks, when Dream seems calm enough to recognize his surroundings, and Dream looks up at the words, jaw slack from shock and disorientation, before his head dips in a firm nod. 
“Good,” Sapnap smiles, tight-lipped and fiercely determined, fiercely loyal, as he reaches out a hand that Dream moves to take. “Let’s go fuck them up, yeah? You and me, just like we used to.”
Michael watches, heart in his chest, as they stand together to face the rest of the competition, towering towards the middle and facing off with the remaining teams,  watches as they move forwards through explosions and buckets of lava, coalescing onto the middle island, as they battle through the remaining opponents as one in a clean spiral of clashing blades and flying arrows, fighting with their backs to each other in the center of the arena. He watches as a well-placed fishing rod by Dream knocks their final opponent off the platform, leaving them in the middle, triumphant, as the only remaining team - 
Watches, a brilliant, bubbling laugh in his chest as Dream and Sapnap take their spots in the middle of the arena, standing side by side as Sapnap raises Dream’s hand in victory, both laughing and cheering  into the sky.
---
Their performance in Sky Battle manages to pull them to third - but second place still stands a few hundred coins away, and they watch anxiously as Parkour Tag is chosen as the last game and they are transported over the arena. 
“Last game,” Sapnap calls, “We’ve got this, alright?” 
He gets terse, short nods in return - it’ll be a close game, and even Michael is feeling the pressure. He breathes a soft, quiet breath through his teeth as they prepare, looking over to the opposite team as they choose their hunters and runners. 
“Dream, you up to hunting first four?” Sapnap seems to be watching the effects of his words more, waiting for Dream’s agreement before moving forward, sliding into the position of leader easily when Dream seems to struggle. Dream nods and steps into the hunter’s box, lips pressed together, flat and focused, and Michael turns back to the arena to plan out his route. 
Parkour, by far, is not his strong suit. It hadn’t been his strong suit during Parkour Warrior and sure as hell isn’t it now - he enjoys it well enough, but with the pressure of a hunter on him or the time creeping past and the competition standings hanging over his head like a guillotine, he’s prone to slipping up and he knows it. The map is full of dizzying, multi-colored structures and difficult jumps, the twists and turns of the arena making his head spin. Being good at parkour is more than being good at movement - it involves being able to make split-second decisions and execute them with no time to hesitate. Unfortunately, Michael isn’t particularly good at any of that, so Parkour Tag mostly just stresses him the hell out. 
He sets out to the arena, listening for callouts over comms as he fumbles over the buildings. Halfway through the game, Dream’s voice comes through comms, quiet, focused. 
“Gottem.” 
“Nice, Dream,” Michael smiles, trying not to trip over a particularly hard jump, only to fall to being tagged in the back by the opposing team’s hunter - Ant, if he remembers right. “Sapnap and Q are still in- we’ve got this.”
Once again, each time, Dream races through the opposing team in seconds, seemingly going faster with each round. Michael has heard his reputation as a hunter before, but only now is he really appreciating the extent - the speed at which he manages to dispatch all three opponents is downright terrifying. They manage to win all four rounds, lingering around second place overall on the leaderboards, before Sapnap and Dream switch off for hunting. 
With each round, Michael watches Dream in the lobby, watching as he tenses further in focus and determination and no small degree of fear, but it hadn’t been nearly as obvious in between rounds. Now, with him in the arena with Quackity and himself, Dream’s jumpiness is all that more palpable, adrenaline making him pace and jump in place from where he stands at the edge of the place. The glass lowers, and he explodes into motion, bounding on top of the nearest tower to wait for the hunter to come towards them. 
Michael ends up caught first, early in the round, once again, and resolves to following Dream over the glass to watch his movements and make callouts for the hunter chasing behind him. Watching Dream move through the arena, dodging below fixtures and through tunnels and jumping from tower to tower with seemingly no regard for gravity pulling him down, it’s become all the more obvious that this is his element. He makes another hairpin turn around a pole, kicking himself up over a tower and then diving from it to a nearby building, landing on a ledge inside it, hands clutching the wall - Michael watches, quietly awed, as he outlasts the hunter, landing in small, panting breaths in the lobby. 
“Great work,” he cheers, quiet, as Dream shakes off the last dregs of the adrenaline, all of them watching the leaderboard anxiously, “Just three more rounds, alright?” 
The rounds that follow continue in much of the same vein - Dream, once he’s gotten started, seems near-impossible to chase down; Michael and Quackity provide support, distracting the hunter for as long as they can until they get tagged, but part of him wonders if it’s all even necessary. Dream flies from structure to structure seemingly unhindered by The Laws That Be, expression firm, if a little frantic, as he parkours his way through the arena. To their credit, the hunters chase, and several come pretty close - but Dream, worked up on adrenaline or anxiety or some twisted mix of the two, races over and around the buildings within the arena like his life depends on it.
It’s a surprisingly (if sickeningly) apt description - the skill in parkour is far from unacknowledged on Dream’s record; they all know his reputation with Parkour Warrior, all know that there are little that can match his skill as a traucer - but there’s something newly desperate in the way he runs, the muscles of his body tight and taut even in between rounds, expression permanently tight at the corners from fear. His movements, lacking in their usual fluidity, are made up with sheer speed and mad scrambles up walls that no one else seems to dare replicate. It’s concerning, even to Michael’s untrained eye, how frantic he seems the entire time, the flashes of expressions that he’ll direct towards the hunter like being caught by them will be his end, but- if anything, at least it’s effective. 
Between his parkour and Sapnap’s own skill, they manage to dominate the other teams without much issue, and the bonuses from eliminating the other team first combined with Dream’s survival points each round land them a first place for the game by just a few hundred coins. The four of them watch with bated breaths for the event standings, whooping and cheering together when it shows the red rabbits in second - 
“DODGEBOLT, BABY!” Quackity cheers, loudly, and the rest of them join him, laughing and screaming incoherently, “LET’S FUCKING GO!” 
“LET’S FUCKING GO!” Sapnap punches the air with a loud, resolute whoop of joy, and Dream - still shaking off the jitters of his last round in Parkour Tag - soon joins in with a few cheers of his own. 
Michael watches them all with a smile on his face as they cheer in victory - Dodgebolt has them against the Yellow Yaks, which will be a hard match up, but between Dream and Sapnap’s skill, if they all stay focused, they shouldn’t have any issue. 
They’ve done it. They’ve made it to Dodgebolt - if they keep their heads in the game, then they should win. All he has to do is keep his head down a little longer, long enough to win them the game, long enough for them to go home with new crowns and new coins, long enough for him to go back to living his quaint little life in his quaint little house - going back to heckling the Warden at night and hanging with Bad and Puffy, working on builds and living life away from the rest and pretending that nothing is wrong. The server will go back to normal come tomorrow, and it will all be okay. 
The smile slips off his face. 
They’ve done it. And then they’ll go back to the SMP, and Dream might evade whatever immediate consequences come with losing, but there’s no evidence that whatever’s caused that heartstopping, devastating fear that has characterized his every move is going to stop. They’ll win, and they’ll go back to the SMP, and they’ll keep dying and fighting wars and keep pretending that the world they live in is normal; they’ll go back to the server, and Michael will go back in his house while Dream goes back into his cell directly across from it, still locked in a black box with no way in or out, no means of communication with anyone outside, locked away with the key thrown away for anything to happen with no one to know-
Michael glances over to Dream, to the tense edge of his shoulders that has never left for as long as the tournament has continued and long before. To the grey-faced, grey-eyed inhabitants of the SMP, coming to the Championships with sealed lips and a shared determination to never reveal that anything is wrong, to pretend that things are normal and move on. 
Michael’s hands clench into fists at his side, then unclench, the helplessness cutting through his excitement like a splash of cold water straight through his chest. They’ll win the Championship, and then what? They’ll go back to the server, and then what? 
He looks up at the sky, avoiding the eyes of the rest of his team as they are teleported to the arena. Around him, nothing comes in reply. 
---
“Shit-”
Sapnap disappears in a flourish of red particles, and Michael winces as Dream picks up the arrow he left behind, biting his lip as he watches the opposite side maneuver on the ice.
Both of Dream’s shots hit true, and Michael switches to dodging over the ice as the opposing team begins to shoot. His mind is still buzzing with uncertainty, questions whirling around his skull and making his head spin, the reminder to just let things be raging against the anxiety that has wormed its way deep into his bones for the better part of the day. His performance has fallen a bit as a result, and they’re tied, 2-2, for the last round of Dodgebolt against Yellow - winner takes all. 
He doesn’t know what to do. He wants to tell, but he wants to fall back into the background. He wants to make a difference, but also wants nothing more than to go on pretending that everything is fine. It would be so, so easy to move on and wash his hands of the whole affair - it’s not like anyone else will know, only himself and the guilt that he’s sure will haunt him to remind him of his failures. Is there even anything he can do? He’s no genius at combat, or parkour, or strategy- all he has are his eyes, his ability to see what the hell is happening with no means to change any of it. 
An arrow whizzes towards him, too low to hit, and falls to the ice by his feet. Michael feels it plop into his inventory as he runs past it, shivering slightly from the cold or adrenaline or some mix of the two - not that he can really tell. The other team still has an arrow, the gleaming arrowhead catching the light as the person shooting - Jack, it looks like - moves it from one side to the other, looking for someone to aim. Michael lets the arrow into his hand, feeling its weight.
A sudden shock of clarity. 
He staggers back and nearly trips over his own feet, feeling relief rock his body when he manages to catch his balance - his eyes rake over the rest of his team, still dodging over the ice, completely focused on the opposing side. He worries his lip between his teeth - it’s a risk. It’s a hell of a risk, and if he messes up - they’re fucked. They’re more than fucked. There’s a good chance that this does more harm than good, a good chance that it won’t do anything at all. 
Michael takes a deep breath, and nocks his arrow. 
With his bow pointed to the floor, he doesn’t think anyone’s noticed yet - especially the rest of his team, gazes still trained over the centerline to the other side of the arena. Michael plants his feet, raises his bow, aims - he’s standing still, too still, and he can already see Jack swinging the bow towards him from the corner of his eye, preparing to let the arrow fly directly at him. That’s fine. It doesn’t matter.
Keep your head down. 
Michael lets go, and Quackity manages to turn just in time to see the arrow hit him between his eyes.
Not this time.
Michael just manages a wicked, satisfied smirk before the world disappears in a flash of red. 
---
“What the hell was that?” 
Michael teleports into the middle of the MCC main lobby, finding Quackity already mid-yell in front of the podium, where the Yellow Yaks have taken their places as the winners of the Championships, new, shining crowns on their heads as they greet the crowd with smiles and cheers. Michael turns to where the rest of the team has gathered in the corner, Quackity hissing angrily at Dream, curled into himself against the fence. 
“I- I-”
“You lost us the fucking game, that’s what you did,” Quackity grabs him by the arm, rage painting his features as he yanks Dream closer to him, ignoring the other’s panicked yell at the proximity and flailing to get away. “What the fuck- you had both the arrows. How the fuck did you miss that?” 
“Back the hell off, Quackity.”
Michael steps forward, bodily shoving Quackity out of the way - Dream’s head rises just enough for the two eyes painted on his mask to look  above where they’d been hidden behind his arms, though Michael’s far too lost in his own anger to pay any mind to him at the moment. Quackity turns his furious direction towards Michael, only seeming to get angrier as he meets his eyes. 
“Oh, fuck off, Michael- you-” he rakes a hand through his hair, “You fucking- we fucking lost because of you, you know that? We had that! We were going to win that, you fucker-” 
“And then what, Quackity?” The words Michael had been pushing back the entire day come forth, mixed with his simmering anxiety and muffled anger that he’d been forced to push down, game after game after game, one bubbling mess of emotion underscoring his tone and making Quackity rear back, “Then you’ll go back the SMP and pretend that everything’s fine and dandy? Go back to your shiny little country with a shiny new coin, beat up Dream a few times to work off the adrenaline because, hey, it’s not like anyone else is gonna know if he’s black and blue inside of that shitstain of a prison, is that right?” 
The flash of panic that makes its way over Quackity’s face is more than enough to confirm the worst of Michael’s assumptions, and the rage that has made a home in his chest only burns hotter. 
“What- what the fuck did he say?” Quackity barely manages to catch onto his tone, pressing harder with narrowed eyes and a snarl, “He’s lying, you fucking idiot, that’s all he ever fucking does-” 
“He’s not told me shit,” Michael presses forward, forcefully pushing Quackity away from Dream, who is cowering from both of them behind him, “But you would know a hell of a lot about that, wouldn’t you Quackity?”
“I have no fuckin’ clue what you’re on about, pal,” Quackity shakes his head, hair whipping past his eyes, “And I’d recommend you shut your fucking mouth before you go around hurling baseless accusations- I could have you sued for defamation, you know-”
“Oh, we’re talking law, now? Fine! We’ll talk legalities- how about we start with that casino of yours and work from there?” 
Sapnap moves over, quiet thus far as he watched from the sidelines, and Michael watches as Quackity relaxes, minisculely, at his approach - only to tense further when Sapnap presses a hand to his shoulder, meeting his eyes with blazing eyes staring right at his.
“Q,” Sapnap says, voice uncharacteristically serious, “tell the truth, now- what did you do?”
Quackity laughs - it sounds unsure, even in Michael’s ears, “Sapnap? You can’t tell me you believe-” he waves his hands frantically, “this- this fucking asshole, now, do you hear him? He sounds- he’s literally out of his fucking mind-”
Sapnap shakes his head, firm. “Quackity, I’ll need you to cut the bullshit. What did you do?” 
“He’s backing up Dream, Sapnap,” Quackity focuses his gaze on Sapnap, something creeping up in his tone, sweet and cloying despite the bitter tone, that Michael can’t quite recognize, “You know what Dream is like- he pulled the same shit with you, remember? You and George? Tommy?” He waves a hand at Dream, who ducks down further at the attention, “He hasn’t changed, man! He’s still pulling the same bullshit, still manipulating people for the hell of it- you know, the exact same thing he did to you? Don’t fall for that again, man.”
“I-” Sapnap seems to hesitate, conflict warring over his features. 
“Look at me, Sap - you know what Dream’s like. He pretends to be your friend, makes up some stupid bullshit to justify his shit - Michael hasn’t been around for as long, not like the two of us, remember? He doesn’t know.” Quackity brings his hand to Sapnap’s own, ignoring Michael’s protests as he laces their fingers together, “I care about you, Sap. All of this- I’m just worried that he’ll end up manipulating you again. I’m just trying to protect you.” 
“...liar.” 
“What?”
Sapnap steps back, wrenching his hand out of Quackity’s own. His expression, out of what Michael can see from the sliver of his face that is facing him, is stormy with fury and no small amount of regret - Quackity steps back, unease finally beginning to flicker in the corners of his self-satisfied expression as Sapnap stares him down. 
“You’re a liar, Quackity.” Sapnap draws himself up. “Now, I’m asking this for the last time- what did you do?”
Quackity’s expression stutters, falls, as Sapnap stands back next to Michael, the two of them between him and Dream. His eyes flick between their faces, then to Dream, then back again, frown deepening with every pass he makes between the three of them. Michael keeps his arms crossed in front of his chest, feeling his muscles tense with every second of silence that ticks by, Quackity seeming to grow more and more angry and tense under their scrutiny and unforgiving stances-
-a second passes, and he throws himself forward. 
“Quackity!” 
Michael only manages to throw himself out of the way of the man barrelling towards him just in time - too late, he realizes that he wasn’t Quackity’s intended target. He tackles Dream to the ground, pinning the taller man underneath himself onto the ground in a rough thump that seems to knock all the air out of him. Dream immediately begins to thrash aimlessly, jaw going slack in panic as Quackity levels his arm against his neck, going still as Quackity presses harder against his windpipe. Michael is only barely close enough to pick up what he says over the sound of the surrounding screaming, Sapnap rushing forward to pull Quackity off to no avail-
“-make what I did two weeks ago look like a fucking joke when we get back, going to make you wish you fucking died-” 
The world explodes into white.
When Michael’s vision clears, he’s face to face to the stony face of one of the MCC admins, their status displayed by the proud red [Admin] by their nametags and the fact that they’re floating several inches off the fucking floor. He backs away, strangely winded - probably from the panic or adrenaline or yelling or, more accurately, all three, as Quackity is pulled back effortlessly by an admin, easily caging his flailing limbs with a snap of code as he is frozen into place - and Michael whoops. 
“LET’S GO!” 
(The arrow hits Michael in the shoulder, and he disappears in a flash of red - only instead of going to his usual place above the Dodgebolt arena, standing with the other competitors, he finds himself teleported in front of a dizzying array of screens and buttons, too many to have any idea where they connect and how they work. Michael turns to meet the faces of the MCC Admins, each one looking at him with odd, concerned expressions and furrowed brows. 
“You shot your teammate,” one says - Noxite - and Michael nods to concede the point, not quite finding the words to speak. “Why?”
“If you had such a big issue with the teams, you could’ve just talked to Scott,” another one pipes up from the back, “I’m sure we could’ve worked something out.”
“I know, I know,” Michael runs his hand through his hair, both relieved at the plan working better than he could’ve ever fucking imagined and suddenly lost for words in front of the admins, each one looking at him with their full attention. Every nerve in his body rails against the scrutiny, reminds him to pretend that nothing is wrong - but it’s too late to pretend, now. It’s been too late for a long, long time. 
He remembers Dream, looking away all competition, voice dead and lacking all of its former vitality - remembers Puffy, hair a little greyer from stress, grief painting her face whenever she thought anyone wasn’t looking - remembers Bad, hands still shaking despite his attempts to hide it - the prison, looming on the horizon, unbeatable, impenetrable - himself, helpless, for all this time, to do anything but watch and wait. Until now. He takes a deep breath, steels himself- 
“Something’s wrong with Dream.”)
“Thank you for your information, Michael,” Noxite smiles at him, and relief throws itself through his system so fast that it makes him dizzy- “We’ll handle this from here. Good job.” 
“Holy shit- when did you get time to contact the fucking admins, Michael?” 
Michael ignores the clamor around him as the lobby bursts into activity and people talking over each other, each one probably trying to figure out what the hell just happened, ignores Sapnap muttering, awed, from beside him, to move towards Dream, still sprawled out over the floor. There’s an admin by him, standing by to seemingly keep the crowd away but not engaging with Dream directly, and Michael ducks by them to kneel down by Dream and meet his gaze. 
“Hey,” Michael smiles, still shaking from the leftover adrenaline as he presses his hands to the ground to try and hide it, “We’ve got you. It’s over- Quackity’s gone. You’re safe now.” 
“Michael?” Dream’s voice is so damn small when his head twists to look over, hair having fallen largely fallen out of his ponytail to land in wisps all around his face. “You- how-”
“Don’t worry about it,” Michael shushes him, chest twisting painfully. “It’s alright.”
“...I don’t feel so good.”
Dream coughs harshly, and Michael quickly maneuvers him to a sitting position as his shoulders shake with another one, hand flying to his mouth as he is wracked with loud, wet-sounding coughs. Concern wells up in his throat, watching as Dream shakes with more coughing, nearly choking as he curls into himself, muscles tense. After what feels like an eternity, he pulls his hand back, and Michael gasps at the sight.
“Dream-”
There’s blood, and a lot of it - mixed with the saliva in his palm, shiny and stringy over the planes of his hand, dribbling past his lips and down his chin. His teeth are similarly stained red when his mouth opens slightly, stance wobbling before he collapses altogether against Michael’s body - Michael can barely hear himself shouting for a medic as Dream heaves a rattling, wet sounding breath into his shoulder. 
“Th’ts not g’d,” he mumbles, quiet, before going completely limp. 
---
When you first get strong enough to go to the Nether and collect blaze rods and brew potions for the first time, the first thing that gets beaten into your head forwards, backwards, left, right, and every way in between is that health and regen aren’t a replacement for actual recovery. Instant health pots are famous for their tendency to heal everything affected to the same degree - which is bad when you have a particularly deep injury, as it’ll often finish healing it near the surface while the injury persists underneath. Regen pots tend to be better at that front, but even they cannot completely fix a serious injury - the two can only act as a temporary, emergency fix for severe wounds, often being an invaluable resource to stop the worst of the bleeding and hold everything together for long enough to bring someone to proper medical attention. 
Unfortunately, when someone tries to use health pots and regens to completely bypass the time and rest needed for the body to properly heal itself and recover, what usually ends up happening is internal injuries - not completely healed by the potions alone - continue to be jostled and irritated, which can lead to further, worse, problems with internal bleeding and bones shifting out of place if they’ve been broken, which can then pierce through muscle and organ tissue - to be honest, Michael was never the best with all the medical stuff, and he’s half-sure that the horror stories he’s heard were exaggerated to beat it into his head never to be an idiot that thinks that potions can solve everything, but either way, he’s never tested his luck with the things.
Unfortunately, Dream doesn’t seem to have done the same, as the entire day’s worth of intense activity, between practices and MCC itself, were more than enough to fuck over the healing effects of whatever health potions he apparently downed before coming to the Championships. From what Michael has heard, it got a little harried after he was first brought into the hospital, but he’s apparently stabilized since - recovery will be slow, both physically and mentally, but at least he’s out of that damn prison to actually start on that path.
“Simply put, your teammate is a bit of an idiot,” Scott tells him when he finally catches him in the waiting room, hair fluffed up at the sides from where he’s evidently messed it up in Admin-related stress. “But he should be alright now, with proper medical attention and lots of rest - make sure to tell him to actually rest, will ya? No more parkouring for him - he can wait until after he’s out of the hospital to show us all how it’s done.” 
Michael laughs, relief settling into his chest, “Thanks, Scott.” He directs a playfully accusing look towards the other, a grin tugging at his lips, “but you know, he’s only my teammate because you made it that way. Kinda sounds like your own fault there..” 
“Oh, quiet, you.” Scott laughs- he looks stressed, and Michael feels a twinge of sympathy. The administrative side of things after his whole stunt at Dodgebolt, and then especially with what happened in the main lobby, must be an absolute nightmare. “Anyway, I need to go back - Admin meeting,” he shakes his head, already looking at his comm. “You should go see Dream, by the way. I think he’s awake.” 
“Thanks for everything, Scott.” 
Scott smiles at him, soft, sincere. “Go see your friend.” 
He disappears in a flash of white light, teleporting away, and Michael looks at the empty space where he stood for a few seconds before standing up out of his chair to move towards the door. He hesitates at it for a second, hand on the doorknob but not yet turning it to the side - it’s suddenly awkward, without the pressure of the competition at his back and the relentless questions of what he should do. He doesn’t even know if Dream knows what happened, or if he’ll be happy with him - for all he knows, Dream was the one who started the whole ‘don’t tell the Championships what happens in the server’ deal. His teeth catch on his lip as he stands, lost in thought, at the door.
Well. Here goes nothing. 
He eases the door open, getting a glimpse inside the room - it’s white, clean-looking, the smell of disinfectant heavy in the air. There’s a bed in the middle of the room, a chair on the side with his Championships clothing and what appears to be some sort of padded body armor laid over the cushions. Dream, as expected, is lying down in the bed, unmoving; for a second, Michael thinks he’s sleeping, before he suddenly twists his head over to look at him.
“Michael?” 
“Hey,” Michael smiles, moving into the room and closing the door behind him. For the first time today, Dream’s face isn’t masked, a glimpse of it visible behind him on the dresser by the bed. He blinks up at him owlishly, eyes wide and green, looking even bigger combined with the hollow planes of his cheeks, overlaid by pale, slightly raised scars. “How are you feeling, man?” 
“Um-” Dream tries to pull himself up, visibly struggling, and Michael rolls his eyes as he hurries over to help raise the back of the cot because you’re supposed to be resting, Dream, just let the fancy bed do its job, and settles back with an odd look on his face as Michael pulls over a chair. “Good? I think? I mean-” he flails his hands a bit, “this is weird. And I kind of hate this gown- but um. Yeah.” 
“That’s fair,” Michael laughs, and Dream huffs a small laugh out of his own, settling back into his pillow. He looks strangely small, with all the layers stripped away, frail and skinny against the sheets. His skin isn’t that same paper-white shade it had been when he collapsed in the middle of the fucking lobby, but it’s still pale enough to be vaguely worrying, especially combined with the IV and other wires hooked up to him. 
“Apparently, I’m dehydrated,” Dream drawls when he catches Michael staring at the IV, making a small, frustrated sound through his teeth as Michael turns to look at him, “figures, I guess, but still sucks. I hate needles.” 
“Ouch,” Michael winces in sympathy, “yeah, those don’t look that fun.” Dream smiles up at him, before his expression shutters, dulls, and he looks away, not meeting his eyes. The sight of it makes Michael frown, quiet, remembering the way he’d drawn back from them all over and over again throughout the day - that fear and trauma won’t go away in a day, but it hurts all that much more to see his face as panic flashes across it and he pulls back, gaze carefully detached. 
“Dream?” Michael moves closer, but is careful not to make contact, “you alright?”
“Hmm?” Dream directs another small, tight smile his way, strained at the corners as his eyes flick away to the floor once again, “yeah- I’m- I’m fine.” 
Michael sighs, but decides not to push it. “Have you done anything else here, yet?”
Dream shakes his head. “No- I think that someone’s going to bring food over soon, I’m not sure. Not really hungry,” he mutters, half to himself, and Michael tamps down the concern that wells up in protest, “But we’ll see, I guess.” 
“That’s good,” Michael nods, and Dream looks up at him, expression startlingly unsure. 
“Um- do you know?” He wrings his hands together, eyes darting across the room nervously before flicking over Michaels’ face, and Michael tries to make himself look as calm and comfortable as possible, “I mean- do you know what’s going on with- everyone?” 
Ah. Michael winces internally- he probably should’ve expected this question, but in the fallout of what happened in the lobby and Dream, you know, passing out in his arms, he ended up brushing off or ignoring a lot of the chaos that resulted. He wracks his head for snippets of information that he’d seen in his communicator and from visitors to the waiting room, including people that had been there with him that had been pulled for questioning and meetings, Tommy’s expletive-filled yelling from the lobby still ringing in his head. 
“Um- I think that they’ve got a team of moderators pulled up to investigate the server, figure out what’s been going on,” Michael ticks names off on his hands, mentally going through the list of people that he’s been given information on, “They have Quackity in custody, I think, for the moment- they’re still waiting for more information on what to do with him, but they’ve got a whole MCC lobby’s worth of witnesses that saw him assault you so far, if you plan on pressing charges and stuff- um- Sapnap got pulled for questioning, nothing too major right now, I think that they’re going through the other server members that were attending the Championships for the moment.” 
“Are they- putting them in jail?” Dream’s voice sounds slightly tinny despite his forced calm, arms crossed in front of him, and Michael shakes his head firmly. 
“No- legal stuff between servers is weird, and I think they’re holding off on anything like that for now. Quackity’s just there at the moment because of assault charges on the MCC server - stuff in the SMP is still technically outside of their jurisdiction.” Dream visibly relaxes, and Michael smiles thinly, “It’ll be rough for a few weeks as they collect evidence and figure out what to do, but for now, they’re just focusing on recovery - giving people medical attention if they need it, lining up therapists,” he laughs, quietly, “lots of therapists.”
Dream hums, looking away. The corners of his mouth fall, eyes fluttering shut as he breathes a shuddery sigh through his lips.
“I- never wanted it to get this bad,” he opens his eyes, looking down at his hands, lip slightly trembling, “I don’t- I don’t know where it all went wrong.” 
“Hey,” Michael slides closer, ducking to meet Dream’s eyes with a soft smile. “You’re not alone anymore, alright? You don’t have to fix it all by yourself. Focus on yourself, on recovering.” 
Dream hesitates, breath seeming caught in his throat, wide green eyes staring into Michael’s own, before ducking his head to look away with a slight nod. Michael leans back in his chair, watching as Dream turns to the side, curling in on himself slightly with a small wince, eyes fixed on the window.
“Didn’t think I was going to see the sun again,” Dream says after a while, gaze still trained behind the glass to where the sun is slowly setting, rays of sunlight streaming past the slits in the blinds and casting glowing stripes of honey-gold throughout the room and over Dream’s face. Michael feels something cold press against the back of his throat, the quiet admission making air stutter in his lungs at the image of Dream, alone, huddled in the middle of an obsidian box for months and months and months, never knowing if he’d see anything other than the same black walls for the rest of his life. 
“You’re not there, anymore. You’re safe now.” 
Dream doesn’t reply, continuing to look out the window silently, breathing slowly as he moves his hand through a sunbeam, watching the way it streams between his fingers and warms his skin, seeming mesmerized by its soft glow. 
“Michael?” Dream looks over, and Michael feels the air punched out of his lungs at the soft, disbelieving sincerity held within his expression, the fearful edges for once pulled back far enough for the light to catch the quiet, heartfelt appreciation gathered in the slight quirk of his lips and downward slope of his eyes. He looks away a second after, a band of light cutting across his face and landing over the bridge of his nose, smile still on his face, voice almost too quiet to make out. “Thank you.”
“Of course,” Michael feels his own smile widen, looking out the window himself- it really is a beautiful sunset. “What are friends for?” 
332 notes · View notes
harryskalechips · 3 years
Text
one and done Part 3
A/N Hey guys so sorry for a late update but here we are!!!! The last part of the series! I really enjoyed writing this one and I hope you guys enjoyed as well! Let me know what you guys think please and also also also thank you for reading!🥰🥰🥰
Side note: I’ll come back and edit my brain hurts
Harry is engaged and having a baby but Y/N is just his best friend’s little sister.
Today’s warning: We are anticipating some heavy smut in this last part. Please prepare for a spitting, spanking, choking, and hair pulling kink, Male receives oral, unprotected sex and just shit like that y’know? I think there is begging in here too LOL OMG they almost had sex outside again but that’s just so inappropriate but yeah... I think that’s all. Oh yes, Y/N rides and just loves being a horny mess hehehe
Word Count: 11k // Masterlist // one and done PLAYLIST /  Part 1 / Part 2
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 If there was one thing Y/N was excited about… it was her last summer of high school. As she reflected on her junior year, she was happy Harry and her were finally in a place where she could just reach out to him and be comfortable. Although they didn’t have labels, it was the last thing on their minds as they spent most of their free time together away from Ryan and any other nosy classmate of theirs. Harry also spoke about long roadtrips. Despite him staying home for college, he was excited to drive his girl to different campuses and check out new destination sites around the many different cities. 
They were optimistic they would stay together in the summer yet here they are spending it apart. 
Y/N was in her bedroom sitting on the floor wearing Harry’s sweater as she was staring at the pile of scattered clothes on the floor. It was July 6th and even after a month of grieving for her broken heart, she managed to still wear her ex’s sweater… only because it was the sole object that made her feel like what they had was real. 
They were so on and off throughout the year and the one time they managed to stick together, it was all washed away. Too many signs telling them they were not meant to be. 
But that’s the truth. Y/N thinks to herself as she wipes away a new coming tear falling down her face. Harry and her are not the cliché plot of dating your brother’s best friend. Their relationship was based on lust and ended with unrequited feelings. They are not soulmates. Y/N rests her head against the back of her bed. No matter how much you try to fight it, if you are not meant to be… that’s it. 
“Are you okay?” Ryan stops by her doorway with a plate of late dinner. He was also blatantly oblivious to the fact his little sister was wearing a sweater of his best friend’s. 
“Yeah, why do you ask?” She stares at him with an unamused expression on her face. Her room was a mess, her head was in places where it shouldn’t be and her heart just felt broken. 
“You’ve been in a pissed off mood since last month.” he genuinely states as he walks into his little sister’s room. Maybe before he wouldn’t bother to ask Y/N how she was but the truth is, he is leaving soon and he’s a bit worried with the way Y/N has been taking care of herself. 
“Is it that obvious?” Y/N sarcastically laughs as she throws some clothes away for Ryan to sit on her bed. He places his plate on her desk and takes her offer as he looks around the floor. 
“You haven’t left the house nor have I seen Ness around.”
“I haven’t really been speaking to her.”
“Oh so you guys fought?”
“No, we didn’t. I just haven’t really been feeling social.”
“Y/N, you know you can talk to me right?”
“I know.” Y/N bites the inside of her cheek knowing full well that she’s lying. 
“Will you be coming to the party tomorrow night?” Oh, that’s right. It’s Harry and Carla’s engagement party. 
“That’s why I’m cleaning out my closet.” Ryan laughs a bit as he stands up and pats her head. 
“You don’t have to impress anyone. You’re not the one getting married.” Y/N feels her throat tighten a bit as she watches him leave her room with his plate. She lets out a sigh before rubbing her face in frustration. If she had the choice, she wouldn’t go but that would also show Harry that she cares more than he thinks. It’s been a month and she had to prove that she was over him and over the deal. 
After a couple hours of sulking on her bedroom floor, she finally stands up and takes off his sweater. In the corner of her room is a cardboard box of clothes that were to be packed away and stored in the attic. Without hesitation, she throws the piece of clothing and carries on with her night. 
~
“Y/N, you look beautiful sweetheart.” Her mom waits for her at the bottom of the stairs. The sun was just about to set and it was also time for their family to drive to Carla’s home for the party everyone has been anticipating. 
“Thank you.” Y/N musters a smile as she glances at herself in the mirror one more time before heading out to the car. Her mom was honestly surprised her daughter was all dressed up for the party tonight, there was something off about her but today, it felt like she had a piece of her daughter back again. Saying nothing out loud, she locks the front door and walks with the young girl towards the vehicle.
 Truth be told last night before Y/N fell asleep, she knew today would be her biggest performance. All she knew is that she couldn’t wait for this day to end so she can go back and hide in her room. 
“Hey mate.” Harry smirks as he offers a hug to Ryan. The party had just begun and Harry waited outside the house to wait for his best man to arrive. He was shitting his pants at the moment and the only thing that would make him feel a bit more comfortable at his own party is if Ryan was by his side -like the usual. 
“I can’t believe you’re getting married, Haz.” Ryan tries to hide his disappointment in front of his family. Y/N and her parents stood behind him waiting for the duo to greet each other first. “I thought we would enjoy our bachelor era a bit you know… longer.” Harry tries to laugh as he makes eye contact with the pretty girl. Once the two pull away, he awkwardly laughs and greets Ryan’s parents. 
“Carla is it for me man.” Harry tucks his hands inside the pockets of his trousers. “We’ve been together since grade school, I guess it’s time I tie her down to me forever.” Y/N’s mom laughs and pats his shoulder. The five began to walk to the backyard as she spoke up.
“Forget Ryan, I think you two make a lovely couple and are honest soulmates.” Harry glances at her and flashes a small smile. He thought having Ryan here would make him feel more comfortable but there was only one thought that was processing in his head as they walked the stoned pathway. 
This engagement made him feel ten thousand times much worse knowing his in-law family wouldn’t be Ryan’s because the truth is there wouldn’t be anything much better than to have Y/N and Ryan’s parents as his too. 
“Hi.” Carla approaches them with a warm smile on her face. The nude slim dress was impressive on her, especially as it made the diamond on her finger stand out more. She casually wraps her arm around Harry's waist as she takes a sip of the mango smoothie in her other hand. Although the smile on her face seemed genuine, Y/N wanted nothing more than to punch the girl’s face. If Harry was a jealous asshole, Y/N was much worse. Keep it together Y/N, please you don’t care. You don’t care. 
That was the whole idea for the night anyway. Y/N has barely spoken a word since her father parked the car on the side of the road. She was even the last one to exit the vehicle because in all honesty, she didn’t want to unbuckle her seatbelt. Now, She stands beside her dad once again, shying away from the hosts of the party. Although her mom made her feel beautiful today, there was nothing more than to stand in front of the prettiest girl who has constantly been chosen over her. 
“Thank you guys for coming. I’m so happy to meet you all.” Carla smiles as she turns her attention on Harry. She was happy and excited about their future. This whole night felt like a fever dream. Once more she looks at Ryan’s family and speaks up. “There’s a table for your family and dinner will be served out soon. I hope you guys enjoy” She rests her head on her fiancé but notices Y/N staring at her heels. “Are you okay Y/N? You seem a bit off.” And that statement was coming from a concerned person who was genuinely curious if the acquainted junior she got to know this year was alright. Y/N gulps as she makes eye contact with Carla. She was also very careful not to look at Harry. 
“Ignore her. She’s been like that for a couple of weeks.” Ryan laughs as he turns around and glances at his sister. “This is your night but I still am wondering why you guys are getting married next month.”
Carla awkwardly smiles and waits for Harry to respond first yet she notices his eyes stay focused on his best friend’s little sister. “We just thought we should get the wedding out of the way before university starts.” Carla squeezes his palm for him to reply to. 
“Don’t worry Ryan. I’m sure we’ll do everything we planned to do.” Harry smirks as he turns his back around to the music that just started to play. “Let’s walk you guys to your table, I believe the party is just about to actually begin.”
/
Throughout the night, Y/N did nothing more than fake a smile and applaud as speakers came to the mic and talked about Carla and Harry’s relationship. Blah blah blah. It was the same old thing really, and if she had the choice deep inside, she would wish she was the one sitting beside Harry talking about other things. 
Dessert was finally available and due to the lack of activities and entertainment this party has brought to her, she waited until the line died down before she could carry her plate towards the table. She internally sighed as some of the choices were gone, leaving her to pick up a red velvet cupcake and two french macaroons on the side. Once she arrived back to her seat, her family that stayed back continued to talk about the two lovebirds. Her father and Ryan seemed to be having an amusing conversation as her mother made a new friend from the table beside them. Compliments after compliments was the only topic tonight, she really needed to take a walk around the unfamiliar neighbourhood after this. 
“Guys, I’m just going inside to use the bathroom.” Her mom nods and acknowledges Y/N’s statement before turning her back once more to talk to another attendee of the party. Grabbing her purse, she excuses herself from the table and shyly walks around the party and towards the sliding door. Once she’s inside the home however, she ignores all the signs that gesture her towards the bathroom and instead makes her way to the front door. Carla’s home was pretty but not enough for her to stay.
“That’s not the washroom.” Harry speaks out as he walks down the staircase re-adjusting the sleeves of his polo. She realized the navy blue blazer he was wearing earlier today was now resting on the ottoman by the end of the railing. 
“I was actually going to go on a walk.” She fixes her gaze on the painting in front of her instead of the boy casually making his way down. 
“It’s a bit late, d-don’t you think.” He scratches his nose and picks up the article of clothing on the chair. He couldn’t help but stutter as his eyes followed the pink dress on the pretty girl. 
“The neighbourhood seems really nice and I’m sure none of the rich families here are going to kidnap me and lock me in their basement.”
“Here.” She notices him walk towards her offering his blazer. “I would invite myself to walk with you but uh I think people would notice.” He rubs his palm against his neck and looks back at the door where the party is. 
“It’s okay.” She shakes her head as she rejects his considerate offer. She continues to unlock the door before looking back at him. “I’ll be back soon. Ryan and my parents think I’m in the washroom.  So if they ask, just say you don’t know. Congratulations, by the way.” She gives him a sad smile and walks out the door. He’s left speechless as he finally realizes this might be the last time things will be normal between them. “Fuck it.” He murmurs to himself as he rests the blazer behind his back and walks out the front door as well.  
“Why are you following me?’ Y/N turns around carefully as she crosses her arms over her chest to keep herself warm. She was also trying very hard not to fall. Harry’s been distracting her all night, she didn’t realize she was wearing heels despite her goal to go on a night walk. 
“Because I can’t let you walk around this neighbourhood by yourself!” Harry raises his voice as he tries to catch up with her. “God, I told you, you would need this.” He thoughtlessly puts the blazers over her shoulders as they walk down the slope. 
“I promise you, I am not your responsibility anymore. You don’t have to be concerned about my whereabouts.” Y/N murmurs as she accepts the fabric and hugs it around her frame. Harry couldn’t help but look away from her as he heard that statement. Before everything went crumbling down, he used to pick her up and know every update from her. He used to watch out for her and just be there for her but even now, it was no longer okay. 
“Who’s going to watch over you when I’m gone.” His voice is a bit more quieter now as they exit Carla’s neighbourhood. 
“I don’t know. I always expected you were going to stay.” She glances at him before walking ahead of him. 
“I know you’re mad and I’m sorry I had to put you through a lot.” He pulls her wrist to make her stop walking. 
“How can I not be mad, Harry?” She closes her eyes, trying to not let the new formed tears in her eyes show. “You constantly choose Carla and the moment you finally break up with her. I get you and then you what… ghost me, break up with me? I don’t hear from you for 2 months only to find out you’re engaged! Fuck you.” She quickly wipes away a tear from her face. “God, I- You cheated on me! Didn’t you?”
“Y/N.” His heart beat drops as her voice raises. Never in his life has he seen Y/N this upset. 
“No. It makes sense. Carla is barely even showing yet. It’s been three months and you…” She steps away from him and looks around. “I don’t know -you didn’t even have the audacity to tell me you don’t like me anymore.”
“I didn’t know how to react when you told me that.” 
“Well you did.. You ignored my calls and continued to see Ryan.” She shrugs her shoulders and sarcastically laughs. “It’s fine. Now that I think about it, maybe I said it in the heat of the moment.”
“I know I messed up.” He bites his lip and runs his hand through his hair. “I don’t know why I reacted like that. Carla has always been so familiar to me… and with you, I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this before.”
“Like what?” The monotone question rolls off the tip of her tongue.
“The fear I guess. I’m scared of losing Ryan, your family and um, you.” He clears his throat. “It’s just there’s so much on the line when it comes to you and me. Maybe if I tried harder, we wouldn’t be here right now but we are.” 
“Well if it makes you feel better,” She takes a pause and stares directly at him. “I didn’t really mean what I said that day. You freaked out on something that was a typical post orgasm statement.” She lies. 
“Why are you lying?” He shakes his head in disappointment. “Why are you trying to hurt me? You think this hasn’t been difficult enough.”
“No, I’m not lying. It’s true.” She attempts to walk again but his hand grabs her immediately letting her know, their conversation is not over. 
“So you’re saying you don’t love me.”
“No, I don’t love you.”
“Bullshit!”
“Harry, I don’t even owe you an explanation!” and sometimes when you force yourself to lie too much, you begin to cry. “Fuck.” He immediately hugs her as she cries on his shoulder. “I don’t think we should do this.”
“I could never leave you alone, you know that right?” He whispers in her ear as he wraps his arms tighter around her frame. 
“You have to. We can’t do this.” Y/N repeats herself as she tries to pull away. His scent is just so fucking intoxicating. It was his scent that made her drastically attached to him and now she knew like from the start, it was time to go. 
“If my wishes came true, it would’ve been you.” He tries to keep her in his embrace. He was rambling at this point but he had no idea what his goal was. Is he trying to persuade her to stay or to let her go? 
“You made your choices, Harry. All you have to do is lie in it.” She pulls away and wipes away her tears. “We’re just these high schoolers that found a loophole in our deal. Carla though, she has always been the one for you.” 
“You’re right though. I- I guess I always choose her in the end.”
“Make her happy H.” She gives a sad smile and shrugs her shoulders. Despite wanting to punch her face, Y/N knew the look in her eyes as she watched Harry. Carla was always madly in love with him and forever will be. 
Harry and Y/N were just a glitch in the system. 
“I hope I see you again. Maybe Christmas huh?” He looks down at his shoes as the girl gives him back his blazer. 
“Maybe Christmas.” And without a word, Y/N walks back to the house leaving Harry to walk around the neighbourhood himself. 
-
Harry and Carla had just gotten married and on the night of their reception, they announced their pregnancy. Y/N was there. She witnessed the smile on Ryan’s face, on her parents’ face and on Harry’s. Everyone was happy except for her.  
The night left her to play with the food on her plate as it was her only source of entertainment. Broccoli grouped with the carrots suddenly being grouped with the steak. How about we make a snowman? To be honest, moping a bit too much at the event left her clueless to the fact the groom has been watching her all night. 
It wasn’t a choice for him. Of course, he looked at other guests and spoke to Carla throughout the night but for some reason as he mindlessly ate his food and restated his vows to his wife, Y/N was the only thing his eyes could focus on. He’s been looking for her face in every room for a year and to be exact, nothing about his feelings has changed -Except tonight was the last day, he would ever feel like this again. 
There were only three rules Harry gave himself tonight.
Rule 1: Don’t try and make conversation with Y/N.
Rule 2: Don’t beat the guy who offers her a dance.
Last but not least, Rule 3: Don’t tell her you love her.
And it was a success because he watched her walk out with an unfamiliar guy and come back with a flushed neck and red cheeks. He knew she totally got fucked in the washroom and all he did was take a sip of his glass as the fist on his lap began to form once again. 
/
It’s been a week since and her whole house is a mess. She has been currently helping her brother move his things to the moving truck they rented. Her little grieving process was cut short due to the fact, things around her started to change so quickly. Ryan was on his way out of here. Harry and Carla were probably on an island, trying to make another sub baby and Ness started to come by more often. 
The thing about her best friend is that Nessa understands space but she won’t let Y/N peacefully sulk for more than a month. To successfully distract her, the duo have been taking road trips around the cities and visiting different campuses together. Although it was an old plan of her and Harry’s, Y/N couldn’t help but feel delighted to have Ness back once again. 
She cleaned out her room and removed all her old soccer trophies because for some odd reason, they reminded her of Harry. She even went to the measures of blocking his number and deleting pictures from their past dates off her phone. 
She knew she wasn’t ready to let him go but he was now married, living in a new city with his own family. There was no other choice but to forget this shit happened. 
Senior year was just about to begin for Y/N and if there was one thing she needed, it was a fresh start. No love interests, no heartbreaks. Just fun experiences before she leaves this hell hole.
After all, if you never bleed, you’re never going to grow.
~
3 years later…
“You’re going to be fucking late.” Ness throws a pillow at her best friend as she enters the room. “You have that plane to catch.” 
“Fuck, what time is it.” Y/N murmurs as she could feel some drool on her pillow case.
“10:30.”
“Fuck!” She sits up immediately and grabs her phone.  Her flight is leaving in an hour and God knows the traffic in Seattle. “Why didn’t you wake me up sooner!” 
“Because your lazy ass wouldn’t wake up.” Ness walks out of the room and drinks her coffee. She was totally unfazed about her best friend panicking. “Relax.” Y/N gives her a death glare in return  as she brushes her teeth in the kitchen. The two were very used to each other since they’ve not only been best friends for a long time but also roommates after moving to a new city. 
“My brother’s wedding is in two days and I’m not even there yet.” 
“Tell Ryan to choke for not inviting me, by the way.” Ness scrolls though the news feed on her phone as she casually bites into her bagel. 
“Okay, I think I have everything.” Y/N walks out of her room in tights and an oversized sweater. “I really have to go.”
“You’re going to see him again, you know that right?” Ness really didn’t want to be the one to bring him up again but shit, Y/N looked like a dead zombie. 
“It’s fine.” Y/N shrugs her shoulders. She couldn’t care less if she sees Harry again. “The last time I saw him, Carla and him were acting like total love birds at my mom and dad’s thanksgiving party.”
“That was like two years ago.” Ness tries to contain her laugh as she remembers their new pet names. Honey bunny and sweet treat. Oh to be in the honeymoon phase once again. 
“Don’t think I forgot what you used to call Tom.” Y/N laughs as she rolls her luggage to the door.
“Shut up.” Nessa’s eyes widen as she throws a crumb at her. “That’s why I broke up with him.”
“Yeah, yeah. You better answer my call okay?” 
“Yes babe, I know. I love you, take care!” 
“Bye!” 
And after the long haul of successfully boarding the plane, Y/N had five hours before she could finally see Ryan and his soon to be bride in Boston.
 She was definitely nervous. The last wedding she attended was Harry’s and she knew full well how she badly coped with that. Not to mention how she calculated her schedule so she could “accidently” miss Ryan’s engagement party. Truth is, she doesn’t care about Harry but if there was any way she could try and dodge another awkward encounter...that’s what living in another city is for. 
He also wasn’t really an ex but just a person in her life who managed to make her happy and sad at the same time. James had no idea who he was since she believed it was best to make that portion of her adolescence a secret. Just buried along with the other dreams she used to have. 
After watching two movies and playing a random phone game, the plane finally landed. Y/N managed to brush her teeth and make herself look a bit more presentable after a heated run out of her apartment. Once she was at the pick up centre to grab her luggage, her heart beat began to increase signaling that she failed to neutralize her anxiety. Beads of sweat began to form on her forehead as she walked past the crowd of people. There was a constant voice in her head screaming at her to tell Ryan her flight just got cancelled. Unfortunately, Ryan was on time as she could picture his figure right outside the window of the airport.
 “Hey.” Ryan smiles as he gives his little sister a hug. He saw her a couple months ago but time still makes everything different. He’s happy his sister is finally here.
“Hi.” Y/N tucks a piece of hair behind her ear as the wind blows by them. “I see you got a nice haircut.” 
“I did.” Ryan laughs as he carries his sister’s suitcase into his trunk. 
“I can’t believe you’re getting married Ry! I swear to god, it was only yesterday you were complaining to Harry about his wedding.” Y/N squints her eyes due to the sun shining directly at her. She uses her hand to cover the side of her face as she lets out a joke,“Are you sure about her?”
“Meghan? Absolutely.” Ryan shuts the door as they stand there. “ I didn’t know what Haz was talking about when he told me he wanted to marry Carla but shit, when I met Meghan… I-”
“You’re whipped more than ever.” She smiles as she notices her brother’s cheeks flush. She tried to change the topic immediately after her brother said his name. “I knew Cassidy wasn’t the one.”
“Sure you did.” Ryan rolls his eyes as they sit in his car. “How about you? Any new updates?” 
“No not really.” Y/N shrugs her shoulders as she puts on her seatbelt. “James and I have been together for a year now which is crazy-”
“I wish the guy could have come to the wedding, didn’t know how serious you guys were.” 
“Honestly, if he didn’t have that internship at the hospital, I would’ve tried and persuaded him some more.”
“It’s okay.” Ryan laughs as he shakes his head. “Meghan found you a date already and I’m sure you’re going to be okay with it.” Y/N eyes widen. 
“I was going to go stag.” She looks out the window in disbelief. It wasn’t her fault, her boyfriend was trying to get into medical school.
“Don’t worry sis. It’s a platonic date -that’s all it is going to be.” Ryan reassures her as he drives out of the parking lot.
“Let me tell James. Just in case, he might get jealous.” She pulls out her phone. “Who is this guy anyway?” 
“I’m not telling you but who knows, James might fly over here just so you don’t go with a random guy.” Ryan smirks as he exits the highway. 
“Who is he?”
“It’s a surprise.” Ryan tries to hide his laugh. 
“Does he know you’re setting me up with him.”
“Please.” Her brother scoffs. “The guy is always too nice, he offered first.”
“Well, shit then.” 
“You’ll get to know him before the wedding I promise. At least, you have company other than mom and dad.” 
“So you’re going to let a random guy just sit at our table?” 
“You have no idea.” And truth be told, Y/N wasn’t worried about the date Ryan and Meghan set up for her. Maybe it was one of Meghan’s family members who thought she was still single. It didn’t matter though because this event was for her brother and that’s all that was important. 
“Oh my god!” Ryan and Y/N’s mother stood outside the house waiting at the driveway for them to arrive. 
“Hi mom!” Y/N gives her a warm hug. “I missed you, where’s dad?”
“He’s inside with-”
“Y/N.” Y/N’s dad steps through the doorframe and meets Y/N at the steps for a hug as well. She knew her father couldn’t walk that much due to his recent hip surgery. What she didn't expect however, was for Harry to be following right behind him. “I missed you darling.”
 “Hi dad I missed you more, I didn’t know Harry was here.” Y/N backs away and turns her back to look at Ryan. He didn’t seem surprised at all as he carried her luggage towards them.
“Hey.” Harry offers a small wave, seeming too quiet. He kept his hands behind his back as he observed the girl in front of him. It’s been two years and a lot has changed. Y/N thought he would still have his long hair yet it is very evident, he had a haircut as well. He also seemed much more muscular as well as the new addition of tattoos on his arm. While she stared at him, she didn’t realize Harry was noticing all the different features she had too. Her hair was longer and darker and she carried a different aura than before. She didn't look like the girl whose bedroom he used to sneak into. 
“Hi Harry.” Y/N didn’t know how to start a conversation with him. 
“I guess you met your date.” Ryan walks ahead of them and laughs as he continues to bring in the bags. 
“Harry's my date?” Y/N asks in shock as she follows him behind. Her mom slaps her arm as Harry and their dad follow. 
“Don’t act offended, You’ve known Harry since you were a kid.” 
“Aren’t you married though.” Y/N turns her back and looks at Harry before facing the front again as she suddenly became distracted by the house’s decorations. 
“I actually got divorced.” Harry bites his tongue right after. 
“See, now look what you did. You embarrassed the young boy.” Y/N’s mom rubs his back as she murmurs to him. “I’m sorry, Haz.” 
“Oh, it’s okay.” He shakes his head, trying to act as if the topic didn’t make him feel uncomfortable.  
“I’m sorry too.” Y/N finally looks at him once more. “I had no idea.”
“It’s been a year. That’s what happens when you marry too young.” He laughed it off but everyone ignored that statement as they all knew there was a deeper cut in his heart.
When Carla was around 5 months, she had a miscarriage and although, they claimed they would try again… there was no new announcement after that. 
“Y/N, this is your room.” Ryan tries to change the topic as he scratches his head. 
“Thank you.” She steps inside for a bit of privacy after a long flight. Ryan and Harry along with her parents went back to the living room to go and continue their movie.  
~
Today is Ryan’s wedding and the house was giving her many little flashbacks of Harry’s. The family was in this foreign home and was still running around getting ready. Her mother was screaming at her dad as he decided last minute to steam his suit. Ryan and Meghan were gone which left Harry and Y/N the only victims to her mother’s loudness. The two kept quiet as her mother ran around the house doing her hair and calling relatives for updates. Y/N managed to be ready on time so it let her sit on the couch looking at the photos in which mehgan has framed around the room. 
“Your dad said I should drive you to the venue now. I think they’re definitely running late.” Harry speaks up after two days of ignoring her. The truth is last night when he went to the kitchen he saw Y/N sitting down on one of the counters and maybe if it was three years ago, he would’ve spoken to her but something about now told him to go back to his bedroom. He used to feel comfortable around her but now he’s walking around her as if he was on eggshells. He was so fucking nervous. 
“Okay.” She agrees with him. Harry was the best man and she didn’t want him to be late because of her parents. Y/N puts her phone in the purse resting on her shoulder as she follows him out of the house. She would’ve been a bit more calm if she didn’t end her call with James midway through their fight. 
“Um A-Are you okay?” He opens the door for her as he tries not to check her out. It was definitely difficult however as the way her long hair was styled and the pretty dress she wore. Luckily for Y/N, while Harry was doing some errands at home, she managed to “observe” him in his suit.
“Yeah, I’m good.” She lets out a small smile as she realizes Harry was still driving his car back from high school. You know the vehicle they had sex i- 
“Alright.” The man breaks her out of the thought as he starts the car. “I promise tonight isn’t going to be weird around us.” 
“Who said it was?”
“I don’t know I guess I just assumed.” He bites his cheek as he glances at her. That’s when the déjà vu hits and he feels like he’s eighteen years old again. She keeps her eyes on the road yet she had no idea that Harry was picturing her seventeen year old self sitting in the seat beside him. One of his favourite memories to be exact. 
Flashback*
 “So you’re kidnapping me to go camping in the woods.” Y/N smiles as she watches the unfamiliar road in front of them. Harry takes his shades off and passes it to the girl as he notices the sun is shining much more brighter than before. 
“Hey, you got permission from your parents.” He smirks at her as he keeps his hand on the gear stick.
“They think I’m sleeping over at Nessa’s.” Y/N laughs as she puts on the shades and looks at him. His cheeks turn red as he catches the sight of the pretty girl wearing everything of his. 
“Is little Y/N scared of the dark?” His hand smoothly travels to her thigh. 
“I am not.” Y/N chokes on her breath. It was bad enough Harry looked so hot whilst he was driving. 
“I think you are.” He notices her breathing becoming a bit more short. “You and me in a tent alone in the dark.” His hand goes a bit more south, gipping her inner thigh. 
“I have a surprise for you.” She blurts out. She was also seconds close to making Harry pull over to the side of the road. 
“And what is that?”
“I’ve been wearing a plug and I’m ready.” The speed of the car increases a bit as he mindlessly presses his foot to the sound of her voice. He looks at her one more time before taking over the car in front of them. 
“Fuck then. My baby once again proves that she isn’t as innocent as I thought.”
End of flashback*
The venue was beautiful. Ryan and Meghan chose this beautiful garden that had tulips growing everywhere. The white gazebo was obviously where the wedding would take place as the reception was only a stoned pathway ahead. Since Harry was the best man and Y/N was his date, she managed to follow him around the place as he spoke to the event planner and the maid of honour. She had a whole tour of the location as Harry spoke about the party’s process to her. Not only that, but he was an amazing date -he kept his hand on her back and introduced her to people she didn’t know. 
Currently, she was sitting on the bench watching Harry talk to some familiar faces. They seemed like a few boys Ryan and he would hang out with back in high school. She was mindlessly watching him laugh and smile throughout the conversation until she didn’t realize he was already staring at her. After excusing himself, he walked back towards her. 
“I’m sorry, If I’m boring yeh.” Harry rubs his neck as he sits down beside her. The wedding was about to start in a couple of hours. 
“No, you’re not.” Y/N laughs as she keeps her eyes on the lake behind him. She suddenly remembers their camping trip. She shakes her head at the thought and shrugs her shoulders. “How are you feeling?”
“About the wedding?” He pulls down the sleeves of his dark grey suit. She nods her head and waits for him to continue. “I’m happy Ryan is marrying Meghan. It’s funny how he thought he would stay single for long.”
“I remember him telling you that when you were engaged.” She bites the inside of her cheek. She definitely just put her foot in her mouth again. She was definitely known for that but Harry didn’t seem fazed at all about her statement. 
“I mean don’t get me wrong, Weddings are a bit difficult to attend at the moment just because I know mine didn’t end well but um…” He clears his throat and faces himself more towards her. “I also got married knowing I wasn’t really in love with the girl.”  Y/N finally looks at him as she watches the familiar green eyes say the truth. 
“I know.” She nods her head again. “Things are different now and I hope you do find the girl that you are 100% about.”
“Yeah.” He looks at the patch of flowers in front of them. He would tell her what he thinks but he knows she’s dating someone. 
“Let’s go check out your brother.” Harry stands up and offers his hand out. “I’m sure he’s wondering where we are.”
And so the event continued. Y/N’s parents arrived and so did the other guests. The beautiful girl in her wedding dress walked down the aisle and Harry couldn’t keep his eyes off the girl sitting in the crowd. 
It was simple for him, he knows he’s not over her but he wouldn’t tell her that.
Would he tell her that he started coming home more after Carla’s miscarriage in hope of seeing her? No.
He definitely can’t tell her that he was hurt. He would come over to their house only to find out she wasn’t home or when he found out she was moving to Seattle for college. 
After the past two years, Ryan briefly mentions her and James and he felt like he no longer had a chance. At least with her. 
So standing beside Ryan as his best man felt like a total shot in the heart because Harry knew he wasted his time and lost the girl as well. 
Y/N catches his eyes watching her and just for a moment, she wished things were different too. 
~
When the reception started, Harry and Y/N along with her parents sat at one of the tables close to the bride and groom
 The hosts were right however, as Harry fit perfectly with the family. Throughout dinner, he made jokes and started conversing with her parents more than she thought. Although he gave her some attention, he didn’t fail to compliment her mother as well. 
The two sat together eating dessert as he leaned over to whisper something in her ear. “I’ll let you have a bite out of my brownie if I can steal a bite from your cake.” Harry smirks as he takes a sip of his glass of tequila. He wasn’t trying to get drunk but a little strong (strong) alcohol should cause no harm. Y/N casually steals the glass from his hand and takes a sip as well. 
The two were finally much more comfortable with each other after spending the day side by side. Harry laughs as he takes his fork and steals a bite of her cake. The red velvet flavour melting in his mouth as he watches the girl swallow the rest of his drink. 
“Sorry, I’m a bit quenched.” Y/N laughs as she puts the glass down and stabs her fork back into her cake. His fork immediately swats hers away. 
“I’m not done with my bite.” He teases her as he pulls the small plate towards him. Y/N mouth drops.
“You guys fight like children.” Her dad speaks up and smiles at the scene in front of them. 
“He asked to steal a bite but he stole the whole plate.” She laughs as she watches him shove numerous tiny bites in his mouth. Y/N mom laughs as she smiles at the cheeky boy.
“I said you can have some of my brownie but you proceed to finish my drink.”
“You seem a little drunk anyway.” She lies as she leans forward to take the brownie from his plate.
“Want some shots.” Harry blurts out as he finishes the dessert. “You finished my drink so I’m heading back to the bar… you still might be a bit quenched.”
“Okay.” She laughs as the two excuse themselves from the table.
~
“Do you remember the scrunchie on my wrist and you called me out on it.” Harry slowly dances with Y/N as the night continues on. The event was almost over but all the attendees were on the dance floor dancing to Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran. As a proper stellar date, Harry didn’t hesitate to ask the girl for a dance as he knew last time he missed out.
“I know you stole it.” Y/N laughs as she unconsciously rests her head on his shoulder. The truth is when in doubt, Y/N always drinks a bit more than usual. It seems whenever Harry is around, she can’t help but be drunk. 
“Oh really?” He pulls away and laughs. “I was going to tell you an old story but you already know.” Y/N rolls her eyes as she looks at the people surrounding them. Nobody was shocked to see how close they were dancing. Everyone was in their own little bubble and maybe if Y/N and Harry didn’t break the ice or drink a bit, they would definitely not be as bold as they are right now. 
“No! You have to tell me now.” Her eyes widen as she readjusts her hands on her shoulders. Harry smirked at her anticipation as he willingly rests his hands back on her waist. 
“It was the first night we made the deal.” He whispers quietly hoping no one would hear them. “It was on your vanity and I took it after you sleepily threw my clothes at me.” They both laugh at the old memory. 
“I saw you wearing it during the game.” 
“So did you always watch me back then? Probably just wanted to get into my pants.” Y/N cheeks flush as she hides her face away from him. 
“You’re acting as if I never caught you staring right back at me.” 
“True.” he twirls her around. “Couldn’t keep my eyes off you after that deal you offered.” Y/N immediately pulls away after he hears the statement roll of his tongue.
“Harry, I know tonight has probably been the most normal conversation we had with each other but… We can’t go back there.” She walks off the dance floor, making him follow her without hesitation. Instead of going back to their table however, she makes a b line to the unlighted pathway of the garden.
“Hey, don’t go. I’m sorry I ruined the moment.” He unbuttons the top of his vest seeing his blazer was still on his chair. “I spoke about fight club-”
“You remember that?” Y/N slows down her speed and turns around. “It’s been three years and you still remember it?” 
“Why don’t you?” Harry turns his back around to notice the bushes covering them from the rest of the party. 
“Of course I do but you got married and moved away. I just thought that would slip your mind.”
“Well it didn’t.” He musters up a small smile and shrugs his shoulders. “Look, can we go back to the party and pretend I didn’t mess this up.” 
“It’s not about you messing up H. It’s the fact that I still get flashbacks of you and I -and seeing you here again is making me feel like the past three years didn’t happen.”
“I didn’t see you during Christmas.” He blurts out as he watches her sigh. “Any holiday except thanksgiving to be exact.”
“Well, I moved to Seattle and couldn’t book a flight home every time of the year.”
“Carla is dating someone new.” Y/N nods her head. “And I’m still not able to get you out of my head.” 
“You might just ghost me next time around.” She lets out a sarcastic laugh as she tries her best not to trip over herself as she walks a bit further into the pathway. 
“I told you I regret doing that.” He continues to follow her. “It’s been three years and you’re still mad about it.”
“I’m not mad. I’m just saying whenever it’s you and I, you tend to ghost me and run back to Carla.”
“If it makes you feel better, I could give a fuck less what Ryan thinks of us. It’s why I asked him if I could be your date.”
“I have a boyfriend Harry! An actual boyfriend who waits for me after work everyday. A boyfriend who actually replies to my calls-”
“He hasn’t even met Ryan or your parents!” 
“And-” 
“Look Y/N, all I’m saying is I don’t care about this fucking guy!” Harry sternly walks towards her until he backs her up to a wall of vines. 
“Then why are you trying to talk about our old memories and shit like that.”
“Because,” He pauses as he thoughtlessly rests his hands on either side of her head. “I fucking care about you. The moment Carla had a miscarriage and she needed me the most, I needed you! I didn’t realize I let you go the moment I went back to her.” 
“Harry…”
“So it’s true, you didn’t love me.” He pulls away but Y/N brings her hands up to his face to keep his eyes on her. 
“Of course, I did.” Y/N cries as she shakes her head in disbelief. “Why would you think that would be true? You called me out on it before.”
“I came back every couple of months hoping to see you at home with your parents. You were always gone.” 
“Did you actually?”
“Fuck.” He pulls away and runs his hand through his short hair. He swore he would never tell her this. Is this how desperate he is now.  “Yeah, of course I did. I knew you would leave for college but I wish I knew from you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not even your fault.” He laughs as he hugs her. “I want you back.” His arms wrap around her much more tightly than before. “Please.”
“James-”
“Do you love him?”
“Harry, don’t ask that?”
“No, I want to know.”
“Well I don’t know because after what you did-”
“Then you still love me.” He looks up at her in hope she would say yes. Just admit it, please.
“Okay and if I do -what do I do now? I like James and although it hasn’t been long I’m sure something will change.”
“Can’t you see?” He directs her back to the wall of vines. “You were always mine the same way, I was always yours.”
“The loophole of our deal.” She mumbles out loud as her hands mindlessly hold onto his forearms. 
“The deal has always meant more to me than it should’ve.”  He whispers as the sound of music and distant chatter is the only thing they can hear.
And I want to tell you everything
The words I never got to say the first time around
And I remember everything
From when we were the children playing in this fairground
Wish I was there with you now
If the whole world was watching I'd still dance with you
Drive highways and byways to be there with you
Over and over the only truth
Everything comes back to you
“Just kiss me already.” Y/N watches him as she lets out one more breath. Without hesitation he kisses her as the grip on her waist tightens. Y/N’s hands immediately play with the curls that reach the nape of his neck. 
“Fuck, I missed you.” His soft lips rub on her left cheeks as he rubs himself on her. His hands begin to wonder in disbelief that she’s in his arms again. Her scent clouding his thoughts that they haven’t even noticed they’re still at a party.
“I want you.” Her hips raise itself on him as she rests her back on the cement behind her. “Harry, please.”
“We’re going home.” He bites his lip as his eyes darken. Without even thinking of what others would say, he mindlessly holds her hand as they walk out of the secluded space. The two didn’t bother telling anyone they were leaving the party as he basically dragged the poor girl to his car. 
“Do you even know how to get inside Ryan’s house.” She giggles as she keeps herself close to his arm. He takes his blazer and rests it on her shoulders back like a few years ago.  
“I have my ways.” He smirks as he helps her inside the vehicle. 
This whole event felt like déjà vu. The wedding, the car ride, the quick secret escape from a party just to have sex. If there was one thing Y/N and Harry were good at, it’s probably how good they were at keeping themselves as a secret. 
“I’ve missed you more than I thought.” Y/N bites her lip as she rests her head on the seat, watching Harry drive.
Him in his suit too focused on driving them home made her want to fuck his brains out. Truly. 
Harry’s cheeks flush as he takes her hand into his. “I’m no longer that frat boy you used to know. I’m much nicer.” 
“Oh really, in what ways?” she smirks as she eyes the growing bulge in his pants.
“I promise you won’t be able to leave my room tonight that’s for sure.”
“Then I’m happy.”
/
Moist air, dark night, and bodies clinging to each other as Harry struggled to open the front door. As the groom’s best friend, of course he had keys to his house. Y/N couldn’t help but keep her hands on his slim torso as there was something about just holding them that was driving her crazy. 
“Fuck, your parents are going to wonder where we are.” 
“I don’t fucking care.” Y/N licks the side of his neck before running inside. She’s trying to laugh quietly as she attempts to take off her heels. Harry being the responsible one, he texts Y/N’s dad they went home. Afterwards, he stops by Y/N’s room to lock it before he follows the girl into his room. 
Once he locks the door, he realizes Y/N managed to take all her clothes off as she laid on his bed. “For fuck’s sake.” He mumbles to himself as he forgot how horny and crazy Y/N can be. He rubs the slight stubble on his chin as he watches the girl bite her lip and roll in his sheets. “You’re such a little devil aren’t you?”
“Like I said I missed you.” She fakes her confidence as Harry crawls up to meet her on the mattress. His finger takes the lip out between her teeth as his lips move forward to kiss her once again. His goal was to lay her down and kiss her naked body but it seemed like Y/N had other plans in mind. Her arms push him away as she kneels on the mattress. Keeping her eyes on him, she unbuttons the rest of his vest before spreading her palms over where his heart beat. Harry is speechless but the moment she began to unbuckle his belt he had to say something.
“Oh I see.” He smiles as his hand holds Y/N’s chin to his face. “I thought my girl really did miss me but it seems like she missed my dick a bit more huh? You want it?” He grips her face a bit harder as her hands maintain on his waistline. She nods shyly as she tries to continue her action. 
“Fine, do what you want but I’m not done with you yet.” His voice softens as his hand immediately brushes the soft hair away from her face. His green eyes watch her drool over him as she unzips his pants. His hands on the flip side continued to remove the white long sleeve off his body. “Take it in your mouth. I know you’re dying too baby.” Y/N cheeks turn red as her tongue peaks out to kiss his hard cock. The funny thing is, she couldn’t keep her eyes off him despite being a horny mess. Sex was never the same if it wasn’t with harry and that was a fact because the moment she put him in her mouth, he pushed himself harder until he could feel the back of her throat. 
The constant humming and gagging sounds wasn’t enough for him because the moment he pulled himself out of her little wet hole. He pulls her hair harder to keep her eyes on him. Without even hesitating, he spits in her mouth and puts his dick back in. From the way Y/N’s eyes rolled back, he knew full well that this was his girl and some things don’t change...especially the way she reacts to him. 
“Are you going to let me fuck your mouth baby?” He moans quietly as he softly strokes her scalp. “How many times are you going to make me cum huh?” Y/N chokes a bit as he thrusts himself at a faster rate. “Always so pretty aren’t you dove?” He pulls himself out and slaps her tit. “What do you want me to do?” He whispers as kisses her lips once more. His mouth thoughtlessly kisses down the side of her neck as his hands press and grope on her tits. 
“I want you everywhere.” His eyes watch her dilated ones as he slowly pushes her down the mattress. 
“Hm, I don’t think you want to as much I thought?” He teases her as one of his fingers pops into his mouth and later into hers.
“You want me to beg?” Her tongue swirls around his digit as she lays helplessly on his pillows. “Never.”
“Never?” Harry laughs as his wet fingers pretended to walk down her body to her heated centre. “When did my baby become such a brat?” The devious smirk plays on his face as his tongue licks the side of his mouth. 
“I’ve always been a brat.”
“Oh, so you don’t want me to fuck you is that what you’re saying?” His hands immediately stop teasing her as he begins to jerk himself off -slowly but surely. 
“I do.” She tries to sit up but his hand pushes her back down immediately. “Harry, please?”
“Is that you begging me?” He laughs as his thumb wipes a bead of precum on his dick. “I would rate that three out of ten, Extra point because good girls say please.” 
“Baby...” Y/N moans out as she tries to reach for him but Harry’s hands immediately grabs them and places them above her head.
“Just beg a bit better and maybe you wouldn’t have to work so hard, love. You said it before so show me you want me.”
“Daddy please fuck me.”
“Like music to my ears.” He spreads her legs open and pushes himself inside her. “Fuck.” It’s always the condom that gets to him. 
“No, stay.” She whines as she holds onto his wait. “Please, I’m on birth control and James and I don’t really-”
“What?” His eyes widen as he bites the inside of his cheek. “What did you say?”
“He’s an intern at this hospital so he’s just always been busy.” She whispers in embarrassment. Don’t get her wrong, she has sex just not as much as she thought she should.
“Fucking hell.” He mumbles as he thrusts himself a bit harder into her. “No one has taken care of you in a while huh?” He bends down and kisses her again. The soft wet licks stay longer as he hears the beat of her heart. It was beating fast just like his. 
“Mhm. Please Harry just fuck me.” She cries out as she takes his fingers back into her mouth.  His thrusts become harder and harder as he watches her face cry in pleasure. “Oh daddy, fuck.” 
“So fucking good. You’re such an angel oh shit.” His palm immediately chokes her. He couldn’t help but watch how her tits move up and down due to the force he’s putting into her. 
“Let me ride you.” Her hips thrust up and meet him. Her mouth opens wide at the feeling. 
“You sure about? Sure you can still take me?” His hand gives her a little slap to the cheek. 
“Of course I can.” Y/N smirks. Harry immediately pulls himself off her as he lays down on the mattress himself. “You think I’m going to let you fuck me all night long. I’ve been wanting to fuck your brains out.”
“Y/N,” He smirks as he watches her straddle him. “You think you can fuck my brains out? You seem pretty fucking confident, baby.” He flicks her nipple which makes her press herself deeper onto his dick. 
“I can.” She closes her eyes as Harry watches the moonlight shine on her face. 
“Yeah, then show me.” He slaps the side of her thigh more harder than before. “Fuck me. Just use me then.”
“Just promise I’ll be a good girl, daddy.” her hands slide down to his waist.
“Promise.” He bites his lip and watches their wet desperate centres meet. 
And in that moment, there was nothing but lust in their eyes as they fucked back and forth. Y/N moaning as Harry continued slapping her ass. He couldn’t help but thrust his hips as well due the fact there was nothing better than feeling Y/N’s desperate pussy clenching for more. 
“Go on all fours.” He cries out after a few more rounds. Y/N wasn’t lying since she definitely fucked his brain out. There was nothing on their minds other than jumping each other’s bones over and over again. 
 Once she’s in position, he slaps her ass once again before putting himself back in. 
“Oh god, shit baby.” Y/N bites the end of his pillowcase as she keeps her hands on the headboard. “You’re so big, I can’t anymore fuck.”
“I know you have one more in you, come on baby.” He pulls her hair and slaps her ass once more. 
“Fuck!” She moans out as she feels his wet spit travel down her pussy.  Harry immediately thrusts harder as the sweat on his neck begins to bother him. His thrusts were becoming sloppy but he needed Y/N to cum one more time.
“God, fuck me.” Harry moans out as Y/N finally cums one more time around him. Without even thinking, he releases himself inside of her and pulls her hair harder one more time. She immediately falls down as she can’t feel a thing. Harry felt her clench around him despite his need to pull himself off her. 
“Baby, you have to let go.” He kisses the back of her shoulder and grips the side of her waist.
“Please don’t go.” She cries out and wipes her tears on the pillowcase. Harry slowly pulls himself off and lays on the bed beside her. He puts himself back in and wipes her tears away.  His arm pulls her closer to him as he whispers one more thing into her ear.
“I love you.” 
~
“Glad to see you two are awake.” Y/N’s mom waits in the kitchen as she makes pancakes on the stove. “Ryan and Meghan left last night right after the reception.” She suspiciously keeps her eyes on the two as they walk together to the breakfast table. “Harry, thank you for leaving the door unlocked. We came home around one last night.” Oh shit did they hear us? Y/N looks at Harry who seems bothered as he takes a sip of the coffee in his mug. 
“I didn’t hear you two.” She brings the plate to the table. “If you’re wondering Y/N.”
“Mom, it’s not what-” Her cheeks flush in an embarrassment. 
“Oh please, don’t bother lying. I already lied, Harry was the one who opened the door for us.” She laughs and rolls her eyes. “And Harry, don’t bother giving me an excuse. It makes sense.” She sits down with the two of them. “You always kept visiting us back home and the way your eyes watched her when she came here after her flight gave it all away.”
“Not to mention, you answering the door shirtless and Y/N not responding when we knocked on her door last night.” Y/N’s dad appears with a newspaper in hand. 
“Does Ryan know?” Harry looks at Y/N and puts a pancake on her plate. Does her parents even know she’s wearing his clothes?
“Ryan saw you two leave together.” Y/N’s mom laughs. “Don’t worry, it was him and Meghan’s idea to also try and pair you guys together.”
“Wait so he’s okay with it.” Y/N speaks up after murmuring a thank you to Harry. 
“Of course he is, Y/N. You guys are no longer teenagers right? So make your own choices for Christ’s sake.” Her mom states in disbelief. 
“Did you know I’ve been seeing her back in high school?”
“Harry.” Y/N’s dad’s tone changed. Sounded a bit like disappointment. 
“Oh god, there is more to the story?” Y/N’s mom rolls her eyes. “Alright, eat up everyone, you two have to tell us everything.”
~
“So this is it.” Y/N smiles as she sits in his car. The two were currently at the airport. “I had no idea, you relocated to Boston. It makes sense why you had so many things in your room back at Ryan’s house.”
“Yeah, I transferred last year. I’m hoping to finish here, graduate and then see what else I can do.” 
“What do you think this means for us?” She puts her shades on as she pulls on the sleeves of her light sweater that she was wearing over her collared shirt. 
“It means that this is when I ask you if you would please be my girlfriend.” Y/N’s cheeks flush and she hides her face in her hands. 
“Are you for real?” She laughs. 
“Yes.” He smirks as he keeps his hands on the steering wheel. 
“I will be your girlfriend, Harry.” 
“Good. You’re breaking up with James right.” Y/N rolls her eyes and nods. 
“I’m ending it with him, the moment I land back in the city.”
“Make some space, I might move there.” He lightly jokes but there was some truth in it. Meghan and Ryan were married, there was no need for him to take up some space in their house. 
“Sure, you’ll love Seattle and Ness is there too.” 
“I like that. Will you introduce me to your ex?” Y/N laughs as she opens her door. 
“No.” but right before she can get out, his hand pulls her back in for a kiss. Once their lips touch, he looks at her once again.
“I love you.” He genuinely states as he watches her eyes melt in happiness. 
“I love you too.” She smiles and kisses him once more. “Bye, Harry.” She hugs him across the platform and kisses his cheek too. “I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you more. Call me later tonight when you land yeh?” 
“Okay.” She pouts. She had to catch a flight and be away from him for at least one more year. 
“I love you okay, baby.” He kisses her forehead. “Bye.”
“Bye.” And with that, Y/N steps out of the car and watches him drive away. She has a plane to catch and he has some sheets to clean but that doesn't change the fact, they are finally together.
And everyone knows it. 
Fini! 
---------
Taglist:  @f-flourishing , @nataliedahlia , @florenceskies , @much-love-tay , @goldenxstyles7 , @sixwyrxstuff , @y0uresogolden , @gucciantidote , @kikisparadise18 , @muffpuff23 , @stylessugarhigh , @f-vasquezp , @alwaysclassyeagle
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deanstead · 4 years
Text
Hidden Feelings
Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader
Request by @winqhster​: Hii!! I would like to request a Jay imagine where the reader works in the Intelligence Unit and is younger than him. She develops a crush on Jay, but overtime she tries to distance herself from him. She takes a week off from work and doesn't tell anyone. Jay begins to worry, so he goes to her apartment. At her apartment, they end up arguing and she says that he sees her as a child. Can it end with a happy ending with them getting together!!
Warnings: swearing, a little angst, fluff
A/N: This took a little more time than I expected but I enjoyed writing this so I hope you like what I did with it! If you have any thoughts, feedback or even just want to say hi, please (always) feel free to reply or send me an ask, always love hearing from all of you. Also, thank you so much for all the love so far, hope you’ve been enjoying my writing! Jay requests remain open, feel free to send in an ask!
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You looked up from your desk, your gaze falling onto your partner sitting across from you. Jay had a small frown on his face, like he usually did when he was deep in thought, as he twirled a pen in his right hand.
As if he felt you looking at him, his eyes flicked upwards and he cocked his eyebrows upwards. “Everything ok?”
Slightly embarrassed, you cleared your throat and nodded. “Yeah… just thinking…”
Jay glanced at his watch. “It’s late, we should call it a day.” He leaned over to turn off his computer before looking back up at you. “Molly’s?”
You hesitated. Normally, you would have jumped at the idea - chilling with a beer after a long day was something you couldn’t resist but recently you could feel a magnetic pull towards Jay that you couldn’t explain, which really scared you.
“I think I’ll head home tonight.” You told him.
Jay turned back towards you. “Everything okay?”
You nodded back and smiled. “Just tired.”
A small concerned frown crossed Jay’s face making you look up at him again but it was gone just as quickly, making you think you might have imagined it.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” You called, pulling your jacket around you as you headed out of the district.
---
It was getting harder and harder to do this. It had started off as a warm feeling, you felt like you had earned a big brother in your partner who was always looking out for you, making sure you were okay, both at work and off. Then somehow along the way it had transitioned into a stupid crush, probably from a physical attraction – but who wouldn’t be attracted to Jay Halstead?
And now, you were head over fucking heels in love with him and you had no idea how it had come to this.
It scared you, this sudden intense feeling you had towards him, so much you didn’t know how to be around him anymore. You felt Jay’s eyes on you and you looked up.
“Hey, we’re hitting Molly’s after work. You in?”
You could feel Jay studying you as you struggled to keep your expression in check. “You guys go ahead.” You responded, pushing your chair backwards and heading for the pantry.
Jay frowned but didn’t follow you.
It had been about two weeks since you had started to put some distance between yourself and Jay. You could tell he was confused, at the very least, and it was only a matter of time before he decided to corner you so you really needed some time and space to deal with this, once and for all.
By the time the end of the day came, you were sure this was what you had to do. Glad that everyone else had left, you got up and knocked on Voight’s office door. “Sarge, can I have a word?”
Voight looked up from where he was sitting at his desk, studying your expression before nodding and motioning for you to close the door.
“What’s up?”
You took a deep breath. “I have some unused furlough days. I need a week, if that’s okay?”
Voight didn’t say anything but continued to look at you. “Everything okay?” His eyes flicked up momentarily to look at Jay’s empty desk.
You nodded. “Yeah, I just have some... personal matters I have to take care of.” You paused, trying in vain to read his expression. “If it’s okay with you… I…”
Voight nodded, without waiting for you to finish. “Take the time, do what you have to do.”
You nodded. “Thanks, Sarge.”
----
Jay had turned it over and over a million times in his head over the past two weeks. He was sure you were hiding something from him, he just wasn’t sure what.
You had been different lately – the way you talked or walked, hell you barely even made eye contact with him this last week.
Jay jogged up the stairs to Intelligence, noting with mild concern that you hadn’t come in yet. He glanced at his watch. He was running late so he had expected you to already be seated at your desk, sipping your coffee. Instead, your table was neat, your chair tucked in. You weren’t here yet and that in itself was strange.
He sat at his desk, looking up every time he heard footsteps until Voight stepped out of his office.
“We’re operating a member down, Y/L/N is on furlough, I need everyone’s head on straight.” Voight barked. “Let’s go.”
Jay frowned and jogged towards Voight. “Sarge. Furlough?”
Voight didn’t respond immediately. “You’re riding with me today.”
Jay nodded, getting into the car. “Did she say why?”
Voight looked at Jay, his eyes seeming to pierce right through him. “Personal stuff.”
---
You were on day three of your furlough when your doorbell rang.
You frowned, confused as to who would be here. You weren’t expecting anyone, or anything.
You pulled the door open and froze. “Jay?”
Jay had that look on his face. The one that told you he had probably been brewing all the way here.
“What’s going on?” You asked as he stormed in.
“What’s going on?” He repeated as you scrunched up your eyebrows. “What’s going on is that you disappeared for three days without bothering to tell me anything. That’s what’s going on.” He huffed.
“Hold on, Jay.” You tried to talk but he didn’t let you.
“What’s going on is that I can’t believe you are so irresponsible that you won’t even tell your partner when you’re going to be back.” Jay continued with his tirade but your dismay at him being angry at you switched to a sudden flare in your gut.
“Irresponsible?” You asked, looking directly at him. “I told Voight I needed a week.”
Jay spun back around to look at you. “And you didn’t think you should tell me? You had your damn phone off for three days.”
“And it didn’t occur to you that I needed time? I needed space?” You shot back, getting more furious by the second.
“Time? Space? It takes you five seconds to send me a damn text Y/N! How am I supposed to look out for you if you don’t tell me anything?”
You shook your head. “That’s the problem, Jay. You always treat me like a damn child! I can take care of myself.”
Jay paused for a second, a hurt look briefly crossing his face, so quickly that you almost missed it. “What are you saying? You don’t want me to look out for you?”
You shook your head. “I’m saying, don’t treat me like a damn child. I’m not. I’m not a little girl, and I sure as hell ain’t your little sister.” You snapped.
“I never said you were!”
“Then stop being so nice to me!” You screamed.
Jay lowered his voice now. “So, you want me to ignore you? Be mean to you? Is that it? I don’t get it!”
“That’s not what I’m saying!”
“Then what, Y/N? What is it? You’ve been avoiding me for weeks and then you just disappear? Are you going to leave the unit next?” Jay asked and this time, you heard it, a tone of desperation in his voice.
“I’m not leaving, Jay.” You stressed, bringing your voice down a few notches. “Like I said, I just need some time.”
“Some time for what?” Jay pressed.
“It’s nothing.” You mumbled. “Just drop it.”
“Damn it, Y/N. You ask me not to treat you like a child, but you’re sure as hell behaving like one.” Jay’s voice rose again.
You glared at him. “To get over you, okay? Happy? I just needed some time and space to squash down all my damn feelings for you so I can go back to being your partner or your younger sister or whatever the hell you need me to be so drop it!” You yelled.
Jay’s eyes widened and your heart sank. There, you did it. You let your emotions get the better of you and you let it slip like you always do when you’re mad and now everything was going to be awkward and maybe you would have to transfer out of the unit or change your partner…
“Y/N.” His voice was soft when he spoke this time.
You turned away from Jay. You didn’t want to see that look on his face. The look he had on to reject you or try to let you down easy.
Jay grabbed your wrist and turned you back towards him. “Who the hell said it was okay for you to get over me?”
Without waiting for an answer, Jay pushed his lips onto yours, one of his hands resting on your lower back, pulling you towards him, while his other hand found the back of your neck, gently moving upwards to thread through your hair. Your eyes fluttered shut as he pulled you deeper into the kiss.
You had imagined this so many times, you had wanted this for so long, yet now that it was happening, it was so much more than you had ever dreamed of. The room felt like it was spinning around the both of you as Jay covered your lips with his and you could even taste the remnants of whisky on his lips.
Gently, he pulled away, looking down into your eyes. “I so did not go on furlough for this.” You muttered.
Jay chuckled. “I was just worried about you.”
“Next time just tell me.” You answered, looping your arms around his waist.
Jay rolled his eyes. “You’re one to talk.”
You let out a smile as Jay rested his forehead against yours. “Don’t you ever disappear like that, ever again.” He whispered. 
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songbirdstyles · 4 years
Note
I would love to read about H doing his and bubs daily evening routine. Cuddling, changing/bathing the baby, feeding 😭 just dad h in his natural element
7:30 is Delaney’s wake up time - perhaps she has some sort of biological clock telling her to wake up at half-past-seven on the dot, but she never fails to. Toddles out of bed, bare feet padding on the hardwood lining her bedroom floor and the hallway as she pushes her door open, sweaty palms slipping on the doorknob. She’s generally told not to go into yours and Harry’s room when the door is closed (there have been just a few too many near-incidents where she’s nearly walked in on you two to the point where you feel a rule needs to be established) but her sleepy mind tends to forget the rule in the morning -
You give her a free pass to barge in on you two in the morning. You’re usually still asleep, anyway, and you’re not sure how many more years you’ll have of feeling the bed dip as she plops down between you and Harry.
“Mornin’, bub,” groans Harry hardly a moment after Delaney has sat between the two of you, pajama pants riding up enough to expose her ankles as she leans forward to rest her head on Harry’s hipbone just as you begin to stir beside her. “How’d you sleep, hmm?”
“Good,” says the 3 year old, reaching a palm up to brush loose curls out of her eyes as Harry pushes himself to sit up, hooking his arms beneath Delaney’s armpits to lift her onto his lap. She curls into his chest immediately, forehead resting on his shoulder. “M’hungry, daddy.”
Just as every morning goes, the baby monitor resting on Harry’s bedside table crackles out a few weak noises - the sounds of your newborn daughter stirring in her sleep, a soft whine escaping her throat through the small device. She tends to wake up around the same time as Delaney (likely due to her older sister’s noisy trip down the hallway to yours and Harry’s room) and you know you only have a few minutes until she starts crying with either a full diaper or hunger or both.
Harry reaches a hand to your face, brushing your hair off of your cheek as you slowly open your eyes, smiling once your eyes meet your husband’s and beginning to push yourself to sit when you see Delaney’s toothy grin. “Good morning, sweetheart,” is your go-to morning greeting to your daughter, and she leans down, Harry’s arm wrapped around her stomach, to press her lips to the side of your cheek. “Do you want me to get the baby?”
“I’ve got her,” Harry says without a moment of hesitation, already pushing himself up more, legs swinging over the edge of the bed. He’s taken on a significant portion of morning and middle-of-the-night routines (excluding feedings) now that the baby has come, opting to give you even just a few moments more of rest before having to start your day. His sweatpants hang low on his hips, shirt long discarded the night before on the carpet. “Gotta go make this one breakfast, right?”
Delaney nods, legs wrapping around Harry’s torso when he stands, arm hooked beneath her bum to keep her tight to him. You give him a small smile when he turns to look at you, and you let your eyes shut for another few moments of sleep as he leaves your bedroom, shutting the door softly behind him.
Maude is awake and grumpy when Harry makes his way to her room, pushing open the door gently and instructing Delaney to be extra super silent with a soft shh to the toddler in his arms. The side of her crib is pushed down with minimal effort, dipping down to scoop the newborn into his arm, watching as her face contorts from anger to a brief look of happiness at seeing her father before it turns back to anger, and Harry frowns.
“Laney, babe,” Harry whispers, making sure not to speak too loudly as to make Maude angrier - an angry Maude is a crying Maude, and a crying Maude is an awake wife. “If I put y’down, d’you wanna go an’ wait in the kitchen so I can change your sister’s diaper?”
Delaney isn’t thrilled with the proposition of leaving Harry’s arms but more than that she hates seeing her sister upset or, God forbid, hearing her cry with a full diaper, so she nods, pushing her curls out of her face again as Harry bends down to deposit her on the floor. Her feet tap loudly against the floor as she waddles out of the room, and a few moments later Harry hears her beginning her descent down the stairs.
“Alright, missy,” Harry says, then, to the newborn baby nestled in his arms. “Time t’change your diaper, hmm?”
He still feels a wave of emotion looking down at her, even when she looks as upset as she does now, remembering that, this time last month, she hadn’t been with them - had been restless in your stomach, instead, kicking at all hours of the day in a way that’s reminiscent of her fussy demeanor now. Having two instead of one is something entirely different, more difficult yet twice as magical, and he feels tears prickling his eyes as he lies her on the changing table. Fingers reach down to undo the clasps of her onesie, pudgy legs kicking and arms reaching up to stretch.
Diaper changed - pajamas changed to one of the outfits Gemma had bought the baby, though it’s still a bit big around her limbs - grabbing a spare hair tie from the guest bathroom - and Harry’s picking Maude back up into his arms, rocking her lightly as he shuts her bedroom door and heads downstairs to the kitchen. Delaney’s seated firmly on her chair, legs swinging back and forth as she rests her head in her arms, humming softly beneath her breath.
“What d’you want t’eat, Laney?” questions Harry, running his fingers through Delaney’s messy curls once he’s close enough to reach. “Waffles? Eggs?”
“Eggs, daddy.”
“What’s the magic word?”
“Please, daddy.”
“Good girl,” Harry nods, grinning down at his daughter just as Maude’s flailing leg jabs him in the abdomen - he looks down at the baby, humming softly. “Gonna get your pillow, hmm? Your boppy pillow?”
“I’ll take her,” says a voice from behind him, and your husband turns to see you coming down the stairs, hand trailing down the railing as you make your way to the kitchen, slippers masking the sounds of your feet on the floor. “She’s hungry, love.”
“You’re supposed t’be sleepin’-”
“I was sleeping,” you interrupt him, taking Maude from his grasp once you’re close enough, and he ducks down to press a kiss to your lips, hand reaching around to press to the small of your back through your shirt. Well - his shirt, technically, but it’s been yours since you got too big for your sleep shirts when you were pregnant with Delaney. “She’s hungry, Har - nothing you can do to fix it when I’ve got the goods.”
Your husband laughs at that as you hold Maude to your chest with one arm, using the other to pull out the chair beside Delaney, leaning down to kiss the top of her head as you lift your shirt, ducking Maude’s head beneath the fabric so her lips can grasp onto your boob. “Good morning, baby,” you say again, and she smiles as Harry begins bustling with getting the eggs out of the refrigerator and turning on the stove. “Did you dream well?”
“Mhm,” says Delaney, head nodding up and down firmly. “We went on a roller coaster - the one at the park - the big one, mommy.”
“Did you? Was it fun?”
“It was fun,” she confirms, drumming her palms against the kitchen table. “Can we go to it? Please?”
You elect not to mention that she can hardly ride the kid roller coasters at the amusement park, let alone the tallest one there. “Maybe in the summer. How’s that sound?”
“Fun!”
“Yeah, fun.”
Within the next couple of minutes Harry has finished cooking the eggs, setting a portion in front of Delaney with the small fork she prefers to use and then a plate in front of you, piled high with eggs.
“God, Har,” you laugh, thumb brushing against Maude’s cheek when she pulls away from your chest with a soft breath, exhaling against your skin. “I can’t eat all of this.”
“Y’should,” he tells you, standing behind Delaney as she digs into her eggs. His hands go down to her hair, messy and frizzy from sleep, and his fingers pull the strands lightly into a ponytail, tying it at the back of her scalp with the hair tie he’d brought from upstairs. “Gonna make toast, too. Y’want toast, Laney?”
“Yes, please.”
“Good manners, babe,” you applaud Delaney, smiling when she grins, satisfied with your praise, before you turn back to Harry. “I’ll try my best. Can’t promise anything.”
He scoffs at that, shaking his head as he turns to dig through the cabinets until he’s found the cinnamon swirl bread that both you and Delaney love. “Can’t promise - you’re somethin’ else.”
You hum softly, tugging your shirt down over your chest and back from over Maude’s head, the baby’s cheek pressed against your shoulder as you lift her to burp. “Just make the breakfast, Har.”
“M’doin’ it!”
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poisonedapples · 3 years
Text
Patton’s Home for Traumatized Kids - Chapter 2
Craft Projects and Failed Bonding
Chapter Summary: Roman plots against Patton in a way he thinks is threatening.
Previous Chapter Story Masterlist
Chapter Warnings: Panic, anxiety, implied past abuse, food mentions, and anxiety over being watched by cameras.
Word Count: 4,533
Taglist: @shade-romeo, @grayson-22
Notes: Thanks to cornybird on Ao3 for helping me beta this one!
“Virgil, wake up, it’s time for breakfast!”
Roman cracked open his eyes to stare at the door. His security bar was still under the doorknob, and it sounded like Patton walked away to knock on the next kid's door, so Roman slowly lifted himself out of Virgil’s bed once the coast was clear. He hadn’t been asleep for the last two hours, so there was no point to continue lying down and risk Patton trying to get into the room to wake him up. So Roman rubbed his tired eyes to undo the security bar and put it in his backpack.
Though, speaking of his backpack…he had no idea where to put it. It wasn’t safe in Virgil’s room, but Virgil was still sleeping in Roman’s bedroom. He could take it downstairs with him, but that’s a strange thing to do during breakfast, and he didn’t want that to be the conversation opener of the day. Especially if they asked him what was inside. They weren’t allowed to know that.
Eventually, Roman settled on hiding the backpack underneath Virgil’s bed. It wasn’t the best hiding spot, but it’d work until Roman could come back and take it. He opened the door and headed downstairs, praying that he wouldn’t be the first kid to arrive.
The prayer wasn’t enough, because Roman looked around the kitchen and only saw Patton at the stove. Patton looked over at him and seemed confused, trying to hide it behind a chipper smile. “Morning, kiddo! How’d you get dressed so fast? I only knocked on your door a second ago!”
Don’t let him find out you weren’t in your room. “Oh, these are my pajamas, I haven’t gotten dressed yet. And I was already awake, so I just came right downstairs.”
Patton looked Roman up and down, and Roman shivered. “…Do you not have real pajamas, kiddo?”
“No. I like sweatpants better.”
Patton didn’t seem pleased, but he didn’t question it further. Roman sat down at the table and anxiously drummed his fingers while he waited. Eventually, Logan came downstairs fully dressed with his hair brushed, and Virgil followed not long after. His hair was a mess, and his pajamas were twisted like he just fell out of bed and rolled down the stairs to make it in time. 
Patton took one look at him and almost gasped. “Virgil, did you sleep last night? You look…a bit rough, to put it lightly.”
Virgil grunted. “I had to clean.”
Patton sighed. “Kiddo, save cleaning for the morning, okay?”
Virgil shrugged, groggily making his way to the coffee machine to try and steal some Patton already made for himself. “Virgil,” Patton chastised, “No coffee. You can go back to sleep after breakfast if you want, but you’re too young for coffee.”
Logan raised his hand. “May I have some?”
“No.”
“Darn.”
“What kinda drink do you want, Roman?” Patton asked. “And don’t say coffee.”
Coffee sounded really nice, actually, but there was no use arguing. “I’ll take milk, then.”
Patton finished emptying the contents of his pan onto some plates before grabbing three cups from the cupboard and filling them up. Two had milk while one had orange juice, and he passed them to each seat at the table. He then passed everybody their plates, with scrambled eggs and a bagel with cream cheese. Roman took his fork and tasted a bite of the eggs.
Holy fuck, Roman hadn’t had something that tasty since his grandma last cooked for him. The eggs were so soft and cheesy, and Roman could barely contain his excitement for it. He put as many eggs as he could fit onto his fork and stuffed it all in his mouth.
Patton laughed when he noticed Roman’s reaction. “Taste good, kiddo?”
Roman hummed, and Patton smiled. “Good! I learned how to make them from my roommate in college, and I haven’t looked back since!”
Roman hoped that roommate taught him how to make a lot more things then, because this was heavenly. He’d finished his entire plate of eggs so fast it was concerning, forgetting all ability to savor his food. Maybe Roman could find the recipe and steal it when Patton wasn’t looking.
Until then, Roman moved on to eating his bagel while everyone else wasn’t even close to finishing breakfast. He guessed that was a good thing. If he finished before everyone else, he could run to Virgil’s room and grab his backpack without anyone noticing. Roman chewed faster at the possibility.
Once again, the table went very silent as everyone ate and Roman tried to make a swift escape. Patton was the one to break the silence this time. “So, Roman,” he said, “How about you and I go to the store today?”
Roman froze. “…Why?”
“I’m sure there’s some stuff you need. School starts again in two days, so we need to get you some school supplies, and maybe we can get some stuff to decorate your room with too!”
“Wait, school starts in two days? I thought it started in two weeks!”
Patton seemed apologetic. “In this district, the first day is this Wednesday. Usually I’d let you stay at home a little longer to get comfortable before school, but I think it’d be easier for you to start the first day when you have the chance. Besides, I don’t feel comfortable leaving you home alone for another week.”
You should leave me here alone, Roman thought. He was a little disappointed he had to go to school sooner than usual, but school was also the best excuse to leave home early and come back late. If he could get involved again in theater, he could hide out and blame his late return times on rehearsals. So maybe it was a blessing in disguise.
Patton interrupted Roman’s internal scheming. “Do you know what kinda supplies you might need, kiddo?”
Roman twirled his cup in his hand and watched the milk spin. “Binders, pencils, folders, notebooks…I only have a backpack, really.”
“We definitely need to stop by the store then! And while we’re there, we can look at all the bedroom stuff too!”
Everything in Roman made him want to decline, to tell Patton to buy him whatever and he’ll make do with what he has. His heart started to pound again, his hand gripping hard on his cup and thinking about his escape options. Then it dawned on him.
They would be going to a store. A store, full of cashiers and moms with kids and plenty of parents who might also need school supplies. If there was anywhere he could be safe while alone with Patton, it was there. And maybe if he agreed, Patton would leave him alone for a while…
“…We can go.” Roman said. Patton’s grin widened and his eyes lit up.
“Great! So, just get ready once you finish breakfast, and we can head out! Logan, you’ll be in charge while Virgil takes a nap.”
Logan nodded, and Virgil almost fell asleep on top of his plate.
Eventually, everyone finished breakfast and put their dishes away, Virgil dragging himself back upstairs and falling into bed without even closing his door. Roman carefully entered his bedroom, darting his eyes between where he hid his backpack and where Virgil was lying.
“What.” Virgil snapped, mumbling it into his pillow. Roman stopped in his tracks.
“I only need to grab my bag, then I’ll leave you alone.”
“Fuggin’ take it.” Virgil snapped.
Roman grabbed his backpack and scurried out of there, closing the door behind him. It uneased Roman to try to sleep with the door open, so he assumed someone as secluded as Virgil might be the same. It was a little way to show his gratitude for last night.
Roman walked back to his own bedroom after grabbing his backpack. However, once Roman opened the door, he finally understood what Virgil meant by “cleaning”.
The mess Roman made last night was completely gone. The bed was made, the hangers were placed back in the closet, the lightbulb was back in the lamp and the nightstand had been set back up. It was almost like last night was a bad dream that never happened, Roman’s only evidence that it had being the fact that he woke up in Virgil’s room that morning. He looked around the room again to process the change, when he noticed a piece of paper on the nightstand.
Roman picked up the piece of paper and unraveled it.
There’s no cameras in here, I checked. I also fixed your mental breakdown for you. You owe me one.
Virgil
Roman looked around the room, holding the paper tight to his chest as he examined every corner. There wasn’t a single camera in here? Not one? No, no that wasn’t possible. The camera was around here somewhere. Roman knew it.
He looked around again, three times, looking under objects and in the closet, feeling the pit in his stomach grow when all his searches came back futile. He knew it was here somewhere, and he refused to let Patton win. Roman would find it.
He’d just…have to find some other place to sleep until then.
Roman shook his head as a way to erase his thoughts. He could worry about the camera later, but for now, he needed to please Patton’s attempt at getting to know him and get out of this cursed room. Roman still wrapped a blanket around himself as he got dressed, not quite able to shake his anxiety long enough to not take precautions. He changed from his pajamas to a red shirt and baggy jeans, and ran out to the bathroom to brush his teeth.
Camera or not, he’d have to find a way to pay Virgil back.
***
“Roman, what’s your favorite color?”
Roman snapped out of his distant stare to look at Patton. He was looking at a display of school binders, pausing for a moment to glance at Roman and wait for an answer. The stare was so much for Roman to process that he took a step back. “Uh…red.”
“Perfect! They’ve got lots of reds!” Patton grabbed a red binder before stopping himself with a thinking expression on his face. “Though, wait, let me check the supplies website…I don’t wanna get a wrong size, or only get one when you need multiple…”
Roman went back to staring at the floor under him. He shouldn’t have agreed to this. It seemed like a great idea at first, but now Roman was here holding himself tight and trying not to cry, feeling the exhaustion set in while his anxiety made him restless. He wanted to go home and sleep, but there was nowhere to sleep. Nowhere to hide.
He’d have to search the house for hiding spots later.
“So,” Patton eventually said, “It doesn’t say exactly, so I’ll just grab a zipper binder and one two inch just in case. If you need more, I can always stop by again and buy some. What’s your second favorite color?”
Roman swallowed to fight back the tears. “Purple.”
Patton smiled. “That’s Virgil’s favorite color! So, one red zipper binder and a purple two inch. So let’s look at the pencil cases now!” Patton caught a glimpse of Roman’s pale face and his smile dropped. “…Are you okay, kiddo?”
Roman nodded. He didn’t trust himself to talk, but it seemed like Patton didn’t trust his answer. He took a step toward Roman, and Roman took two steps back. Patton frowned. “Are you sure?”
Roman nodded again. Patton ran a hand through his hair and looked around the store. Please, let’s just get this over with already.
Patton’s head stopped as his eye caught sight of a specific aisle, and he smiled in Roman’s direction. “Say, kiddo, how about you go check out the fish? I’ll be over here getting the boring stuff if you need me!”
Roman glanced at Patton’s eyes. They were soft and forgiving, but all Roman could feel when looking at them was fear. He took this as his moment, spinning around on his heel and almost sprinting toward the fish aisle. Anywhere was better than being near Patton.
Roman looked at the walls of fish tanks with fish of all kinds of colors, watching them swim around as the filter’s bubbles reached the roof. There were some that were swimming around each other, and others that stopped in place for long periods of time. Roman held himself and let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.
It was more peaceful away from Patton, at least. Roman felt a little less sick and his hands weren’t shaking as badly, focusing on the fish to calm himself down. It wasn’t a perfect solution, but it worked. That’s all Roman could really ask for.
He watched the fish swim around and read their species facts for a while, until he couldn’t feel tears in his eyes anymore and the nausea was tamed. Roman walked through the aisle to look at the fish tank decorations and other pet toys. He picked up a chew toy for a dog and squeaked it, awkwardly messing with the toys and trying to keep Patton in his peripheral vision. It felt odd to be standing around in a pet aisle with no plans of buying anything.
Well, Roman thought, Patton never told me I had to stay in this aisle. It was only a suggestion. I could move on to another part of the store.
Roman looked at where Patton was one more time so he could remember his spot. It seemed like he was checking the supply list on his phone and thinking hard about colored pencils, and Roman hoped he would be occupied with that for a while more. He walked out of the aisle and looked above him for ideas on where he should go next.
Bathroom, no. The bakery would be wonderful if I could buy a donut myself. Clothes, baby items, plants…wait! Roman’s eyes lit up as he read another one of the signs. Hardware!
Roman always loved searching through hardware. He was a craft person at heart, and the aisles always gave him ideas for new things to try and make. Besides, Patton told him they were going to look for decorations for his room, maybe he could get inspiration there!
Roman entered the hardware aisle and began to look around. Because this wasn’t a hardware store there wasn’t much, mostly small items like door hinges and hook sets. There was also a doorknob you could only open with a code that Roman wanted, but there was no way Patton would let him install that. But maybe he could find something else to make his room safer.
Roman passed some other items, including some lightbulbs and a security camera displaying the screen that made Roman shiver when he passed by, but eventually Roman saw it. Ideas swarmed in his head and a big grin bloomed onto his face. It was perfect!
“There you are, kiddo!” Roman jumped at the sound of Patton approaching, looking up to see him with a basket full of school supplies. Patton smiled to hide the worry in his eyes. “I noticed you left the other aisle and I didn’t know where to find you.”
Roman gripped harder onto the box he was holding. “Sorry, I got bored…but I found something I want for my room!”
“You did? What is it, kiddo?”
Roman held up the box to Patton. Patton raised an eyebrow at him. “…Curtain rods?”
“Yes! Sounds strange, I know, but I was thinking that I could make my own canopy bed with them! We could get some curtains and I could hang them up around the bed, and I could decorate the curtains to look beautiful! Please?”
Patton rubbed at the back of his neck. “I don’t know, kiddo…it sounds like a cool project! But you’d have to install them into the roof, and I’m not very good with a drill!”
“I can do it!” Roman begged, “I’ve installed lots of home stuff before, and I’m really good with tools! And if I mess up I promise I’ll fix any holes, or I’ll do some babysitting jobs to pay back anything that’s broken, just…please? Can I try?”
Patton seemed conflicted. He saw the desperate look in Roman’s eyes and sighed. “…You can try, kiddo. Just…don’t be disappointed if it doesn’t work, okay?”
“I won’t be! Promise!” Roman grabbed three boxes of the largest curtain rods they had and tried to hold them under his arms. “Now, I just need some red curtains, and maybe some glittery star stickers, or some other craft supplies! And a hot glue gun, you can make beautiful raindrop decorations out of hot glue!”
Patton seemed like his head was spinning. “I’ll go get an actual cart for this, kiddo.”
And then, the hunt for supplies was on. Patton got a cart for Roman to pile the curtain rods on the bottom, failing to keep up with him as he ran from aisle to aisle searching for supplies for his ideas. All the curtains were too transparent for Roman’s liking, so he instead settled for a pack of red, flat sheets meant for a queen bed and a small pack of sewing supplies. Patton mentioned he had a glue gun at home, so Roman skipped that section of the crafts aisle and instead focused on some birthday decorations with crowns and stars as well as some stickers. The more Roman’s vision came into action, the more excited and bouncy he got.
With the opaque curtains, Roman thought, it doesn’t matter if he has a camera in my room or not. He won’t be able to see me sleep. And how cute, he won’t realize his mistake in letting me do this until it’s too late.
Roman was jumping on his heels at the thought. I’m a genius.
The checkout was long and the car ride was full of anticipation, but once Patton pulled into the driveway of the house, Roman opened the trunk and ran inside with all his items in tow. He didn’t even say hello as he ran past Virgil and Logan on the couch to head upstairs.
“Kiddo, do you want to organize supplies too?” Patton yelled once he entered the house.
“I will later!” Roman answered. He had work to do.
The first step was an experiment of patience. Roman took out all the flat sheets and folded them at the top, sewing the fold with a needle and red thread to make its own custom loop for the curtain rod. It was annoying and tedious, but necessary. Also a test on Roman’s skill of how fast he could hand sew.
He was almost done with the last sheet when a knock came to his door. “Who is it?” Roman asked.
“It’s lunch time, kiddo,” Patton answered, “I called you down a while ago. How about you take a break for some food?”
No. There was no time for breaks. Roman needed this to be done by tonight so he could finally get some sleep. “In a minute.”
“Roman, it’s been a while already. A little break won’t hurt.”
“I will in a minute!” It was a lie, but Roman had the door locked, so there was nothing Patton could do about it. Roman finished his final seam, so now it was onto installing the rods.
Roman was measuring where to put the hooks on the roof when another knock came to the door. Roman groaned like a spoiled brat. “I’m coming!”
“Roman, can you open the door?”
Roman froze. He just yelled at Patton, pushed his luck, now he had to open the door. Roman dropped the screw he was holding as his hands shaked. Shit, shit! “…Why?”
“I’ve got your lunch for you.”
Roman felt his throat close, but ignoring Patton would only make the situation worse. Roman dropped his hook and screws to open the door.
Patton was on the other side, smiling softly with a burrito on a plate and a glass of juice in his hands. “I had to reheat it, but maybe you can eat while you’re working.”
Roman dug his nails into his palm before taking the plate. “Thank you.”
“Can I come in?”
No. No, you can’t. You never can, ever. “…Sure.”
Roman scurried away from Patton to sit on his bed, drinking some of the juice and looking at what’s inside the burrito. Black beans, lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, sour cream, onions, and green peppers. Roman took a bite and tried to calm himself by focusing on the taste.
“You like it?”
Roman nodded. “Never had this before.”
“It’s a black bean burrito. I found the recipe a few years ago, and I make them pretty often. Especially for growing kiddos.” Patton sat on the floor next to the mess Roman had laid out. “What are you doing now for your canopy bed?”
“I was gonna screw in the curtain hooks to the roof. I’ve just been sewing the sheets for now, which is the hardest part. I might have to sew them again though, since the sheets are so big I might have to cut them. Especially since I want to do two curtains on each end to make it look pretty.”
“Sounds cool! Do you need any help?”
Roman seemed to be thinking. Maybe if I satisfy him, he won’t be angry. “Do you know how to sew?”
“I know how to repair tears. That’s it.”
Roman took another bite of his burrito and jumped off the bed, picking up one of the sheets to examine the size. He jumped on his bed and held it up to the roof, seeing how far it would stretch. The sheet was much longer than his bed, so it would be perfect. “Take the sheets, measure them, and cut them in half right down the middle. Then I can show you how to do a catch stitch to hem the seam. That will save me some time.”
“You’re very good at hand stuff!” Patton complimented. A shiver went up Roman’s spine.
“…Yes.”
From then on, the environment was very tense. The only sound between either of them was the  drill going through the roof and the sound of scissors cutting. When Patton finished cutting, Roman showed him how to hem the seam, but it was quiet again after that. Roman kept his distance and made sure his front was always facing Patton just in case.
“I hope you don’t mind if this is a very messy sewing job, kiddo.” Patton joked.
Roman shrugged. “You won’t be able to see it anyway, so it doesn’t matter.”
“Are you gonna decorate the sheets once you’ve hung them up?”
“Yes, it’s easier that way. And I can plan it out.”
“Any reason why you chose crowns and stars?”
Roman paused long enough to drill another hook into the roof before setting the drill down to grab another hook. “I like crowns. And stars.”
“Logan loves stars.” Patton really hated silence, apparently. “I don’t know if the other kiddos showed you their rooms, but Logan’s is covered in space stuff. It was really fun to do, actually! Though, I made Logan paint the stars onto his own wall because he kept talking about how it should be accurate constellations, and I don’t know anything about stuff like that.”
“I’ve only seen Virgil’s room.”
“Oh, well, if Logan ever invites you in, know that he did lots of work for his constellation wall!”
Roman hummed and drilled the last hook into the roof. He took a curtain rod and placed it on the two hooks near the foot of his bed. “How many of the sheets have you finished?”
“Oh, I’m still on the first one. I’m learning though!”
Roman jumped off the bed to sit on the floor next to Patton, grabbing his own needle and thread to begin hemming the seam. Once he started sewing, Patton watched him with wide eyes. “You’re doing that very fast, kiddo!”
Roman shrugged. “I’ve done it a lot.”
“What do you usually sew for?”
“Clothes. To fix rips, mostly. My mom also taught me when I was younger.”
Patton seemed taken aback by his explanation. “Did…did you enjoy that time with your mom?”
“I enjoyed all my time with her.” Roman paused. “Well. Most times.”
Patton swallowed. “Most times?”
“Her and I were really close, if that’s what you're asking.” Roman’s hands sped up as he sewed. “She would take me to movies and theaters, and she taught me how to bake as good as her.”
Patton’s voice grew serious. “Well…I’m sorry for your loss, kiddo.”
“She’s not dead.”
“I’m still sorry you lost her.” Patton shook his head and focused more intently on his sewing. “But you said you can bake?”
Roman nodded. “I bake a lot, especially cake. I know how to make red velvet cake from scratch and it is lovely.”
“We should make some tomorrow, then!”
Roman tensed. “Maybe.”
Roman finished off the hem of his side and moved to cut another sheet, hemming both of their sides once he did so. The rest of the time was quiet, with Roman purposely refusing to spark conversation and Patton processing the little information Roman gave him. By the time Patton finished one end and half of another, Roman had finished all the rest and took Patton’s to quickly finish off. Roman laid them all across the floor and opened the packs of crafts he got.
“Well, kiddo, I gotta see about making dinner now.” Patton eventually said, “Tell me how the end project turns out, ‘kay?”
Roman nodded. Finally, he’s leaving. “Close the door when you leave.”
Patton smiled and closed the door on his way out. Roman focused entirely on decorating his new curtains, placing glittery stars and plastic crowns and using the hot glue gun to make crystals draping down the curtains. He repeated a similar pattern for each one, eventually hanging two on each side of the bed so they could open and close down the middle. Once the final project was finished, and the floor of his room was scattered in materials, Roman smiled wide in awe.
“Yes! I did it! I did it!” Roman jumped up and down from excitement, flopping onto his bed and closing the curtains from every side. The curtains were a bit too long and dragged too much along the floor, but he could fix that another day. For now, he’d been at it for hours, and his bed was finally a safe space.
Roman buried his face into his pillow, feeling himself relax as the exhaustion of a whole day with no sleep and debilitating anxiety finally caught up to him. He groggily checked for any cameras on the roof, but that was the only place he had to check for a camera that could see him. He was safe.
 Roman crawled under the comforter and closed his eyes. It wasn’t more than five minutes of lying there before he fell asleep, curling into himself and relaxing. Finally, he slept peacefully.
 Finally.
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oitommothetease · 3 years
Text
Invisible String (4/?)
Pairing:  Bucky Barnes x Female reader (Modern AU)
Description: James Buchanan Barnes, the owner of the most expensive-looking club in town and your new apartment. He was a dick and you hated him. What could possibly go wrong when you, the new girl in town, start bartending at his club to pursue your dreams?
Word Count: 2.6k words
Warning: 18+ (discussion of assault, nervous breakdown, anxiety attack, just don’t read this whole series if you are a kid)
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You woke up to a night of dreamless sleep like you always did, but then the events of the previous night hit you. You wished it was a dream, but one look in the mirror and a bruise running along your cheek was enough to confirm. Not only that, but you remembered asking your boss to stay over, but you didn't expect him to. The blanket on your living room’s couch and the bowl of fruits and a glass of juice situated out for you on the kitchen counter proved that he did stay.
And then the reality sunk in, you have a decision to make. You can either go to the cops or let that guy get away. The latter sounded not so great, but you knew going to the cops isn't going to be great either. You've seen enough detective shows to know that. You've had enough, and you just wanted to forget it. 
What did Mr. Barnes mean when he said you were going to talk about this? Are you supposed to visit him before work? Is he going to come to your place?
You decided to work on your book but ended up not being able to concentrate, so you started watching a show and fell asleep while watching it. Maybe some Chinese take-out could make you feel better. It didn't. Nothing made you feel better. You wished you had some friends in this new town because you didn't want to burden your work friends. 
After a horrible day of trying to cope, when you finally made your way to the club, you noticed the security was increased. Usually, security guards weren't present inside the club, but today it was different. Everyone was so vigilant and you felt a little safer. If you didn't know any better, you'd think Mr. Barnes did it for you, but again he would have done the same thing for any other employee. 
"Boss wants to see you," Pietro told you. You were about to head for Clint's office when the blond twin spoke again and pointed his finger towards the stairs." The boss."
Okay, well maybe playing naïve couldn't avoid this meeting, so you slowly walked upstairs. How bad could this go, it's not like he saw you in your most vulnerable state? Oh, wait, he did. 
You knocked on his office door, wanting to rip the band-aid and get over with it. 
"Hey," you said, faking a smile. "Thanks for getting me home last night and for breakfast today. I didn't even know I had fruits and juice at home because let's be honest, I'm a toast and coffee kinda gal."
Mr. Barnes didn't say anything, he just looked at you as if you were a confusing puzzle that he couldn't solve. He raised a hand towards the seat in front of him and you took it, nervously fiddling with your fingers under the table.
“You do that a lot, you know?” he asked, it wasn't a question, it was merely an observation.
“What?”
“Deflecting a serious issue by using a joke.” Mr. Barnes observed as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“What are you? My therapist?”
He arched an eyebrow, indicating that you were literally doing the thing he pointed out. 
"Yeah, well, it's called having a healthy coping mechanism. You should try getting one, brooding is only gonna help you this far."
 "It's not healthy if you're not dealing with it," Mr. Barnes pointed out. 
You scoffed in incredulity and you felt very, very attacked. 
What is it? Attacking y/n day?, you thought. 
"Anyway, I think I want to press charges," You changed the subject to a more serious conversation to avoid him calling you out on your bullshit. 
"Okay, I understand.” 
“You do?” You asked, bewilderment clearly written all over your face. “I mean, letting an employee go to the cops is not gonna be great for your club's reputation and yours too. And, you know, considering the shady business, you do-” 
"What exactly do you think we do?" He asked.
And that's when it hit you, you didn't know what he did or mob bosses do in general. All your knowledge about it came from movies and Wattpad, both of them are not a great place to gain knowledge.
“What exactly do you do?” you pondered.
 He obviously wasn't expecting you to directly ask him, nobody has directly asked him or even made it known that they are aware of his work. It was kind of like a silent pact that everybody signed for, everybody except you, apparently. 
“Um, you know, I've been working for almost 2 weeks here now, and I haven't seen any drugs around here, so it's obviously not drugs. You don't look like the sex trafficking types-”
 "Jesus, woman!" He exclaimed, offended by your assumptions. 
"Then just tell me what you do."
You expected him to tell you something, but he just kept looking at you with a face void of emotions.
 "Fine, don't tell me," you mumbled, raising your hands dramatically in defeat. 
“So you don't mind me ruining your reputation by going to the cops?” 
“I told you I don't care. Your safety is my utmost priority,” your face might have given away the surprise you felt because he quickly backpedaled. ”I mean, the safety of my employees.”
“The safety of my employees is my utmost priority,” he told you, providing an extra emphasis on the word employees. “Anyway, one of my people would take you to the police station near-"
You cut him off immediately. 
"No, you can't tell anyone else. I don't want everyone hopping on the pity train. I'm already ashamed that you know about it," you pleaded but your voice was firm, telling him that this was not up for a discussion.
At this, his eyes and features softened. Bucky didn't want you to feel guilty or ashamed for somebody else's actions, but clearly, you did. 
"Okay, then I can take you. You just had to explain to the officer last night’s events, and they'll ask you to recognize Rumlow and then we can-"
Mr. Barnes’s voice faded into the background when it finally hit you.
"You know what, I changed my mind. It's too much. I don't want to press charges anymore. I didn't think this through," you backtracked. You did think this through, but now all the factors were adding up in your brain. You'd have to explain the details to a cop who is probably going to be another man and a stranger, and then they'd ask you to identify the guy. You didn't think you had it in you to face him. At least not now. 
He interpreted your thought process and promptly changed the topic. "Okay, we can work with whatever you want, and at least let Peter escort you home after work."
"What? No!” You quickly declined.
“It's for your own safety,” Bucky tried to reason. He wasn't letting you get off this easily.
 “I'm a strong, independent woman and I'm not scared of anything.” 
That was a lie. You were scared of many things like heights, dark, spiders, confrontation and the list goes on and on. 
You remembered all the lectures your mom gave you telling you that women should be scared because men are monsters, and you'd lose your honor if you are reckless and some other patriarchal crap that you didn't pay attention to. But you weren't scared, you were just always careful. You'd always put the keys between your knuckles when you went home alone. In your previous job, you used to laugh it off whenever your coworkers made a sexist joke. You'd ignore the subtle shoulder touch that your previous boss did. You told yourself that this is what it takes to make it. If you were to run away every time someone eyed you in a wrong way, then you'd spend your whole life running. 
Women usually shrug this behavior off as it is what is, but the truth is it shouldn't be like this.
“Please, I insist.” 
“I'm very capable of taking care of myself. Just because one bad incident happened doesn't mean I'll fucking break!” You stated, your voice louder than your regular voice to get across your point.
That was also a lie. You were walking on a thin line and you were ignoring your emotions. You were one outburst away from a breakdown, and you just couldn't bring yourself to feel anything. 
Mr. Barnes tried to call your name, but you were already bolting out of his office. 
You needed a drink. No, fuck that. You needed multiple drinks. It wasn't exactly wise to get drunk during work, but it couldn't get any shittier than this, right?, you thought.
Right?
 Wrong. It could get way shittier than this. Now it was almost midnight, you were kind of tipsy, and you could see two Mr. Stark, your regular customer, in front of you. 
Did he have a twin? Is he and his twin brother one of those identical twins that dress up the same? Because that's what it looked like.
 “Earth to y/n," Mr. Stark said, or was it his twin? It was getting hard to keep track anymore.
 And that's when you noticed. 
“Holy, Shit. You're triplets, Mr. Stark," you announced. 
"Okay, kid, close my tab.”
“Hey, y/n. Are you okay?” Peter asked, noticing the concerned look Mr. Stark gave him before leaving.
“Yes, I'm fine. Absolutely fine.”
***
Turns out you were not fine. You've been pretty much hammered for the past week, and you could barely get a sentence out without giggling or slurring. Your colleagues took notice of your state and whenever someone pointed it out, you'd just shrug it off as a bad day or a bad week. There was no concept of time in your drunk state.
You couldn't concentrate on your book, you could barely look at someone without squinting, and you've been eating takeout and leftovers for the past few days. 
James would have fired if someone working under him was this irresponsible, but he knew your reasons. He knew you clearly weren't coping with the trauma well. Your work ethics were shoved down the trash that even Clint asked why you weren't fired yet.
Bucky didn't want to talk to you, he thought that maybe giving you some space would do you good, but clearly it wasn't working. Usually, the mob boss didn't interfere in the affairs of his employees, it was Clint's job, but when you smashed a bottle on the head of a customer, he had to interject.
“I TOLD THIS FUCKER NO!” you yelled, Peter’s hand around your middle from behind. Another empty beer bottle was in your hand, ready to be smashed across the face of the drunk dude in front of you.
Pietro and Wanda were enjoying the show. Peter, being the peace lover he is, held you back when you smashed a bottle across a drunk customer's face. Even though Peter was younger than you, he was stronger, and he was not only holding you back but also himself. He didn't want to cause a scene and that is why he was mulling comforting words in your ear like, he's not worth it, you're gonna kill this guy.
Damn right I am, you thought.
It was ironic because everyone in that club had killed someone except you.
When Bucky walked into the room, the drunk guy turned towards him and pointed at you. ”You are hiring crazy bitches now? Just called her baby girl and she went psycho!!!”
Bucky didn't understand what was happening. He told the security guards to take that man outside his club and he walked towards you. He firmly yet gently took a hold of your left arm, signaling Peter to let go of you. Without a word, he started walking in the direction of his office, dragging you along with him.
Once near his office, he lightly yanked your hand and shoved you inside, making you stand in front of him.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he inquired, having had enough of your incompetence.
You were seething with rage. "Wrong with me? I told him no, but he didn't listen."
Bucky stepped forward, his anger dissipating into sympathy. " I know, he mumbled, "and I'm so-"
 "No, you don't know!" you yelled, body trembling and tears welling up in your eyes. "I told him no multiple times, I even tried to push him off me, but he just kept coming back."
Bucky's eyes furrowed in confusion. He didn't understand your words, the drunk customer didn't touch you. And that's when he realized, you weren't talking about the drunk customer. He cognized that the drunk guy purely triggered something that you've been suppressing for days now. Bucky was aware that you needed to get it out of your system to cope healthily.
“I told him no, you know? But he just wouldn't listen,” you stated, trying to convince yourself that you didn't lead him on. ”And he was so…. so strong and… and then he hit me and everything just went blur, I couldn't see but... but I could still feel him with me.”
Not realizing that you were not in that place anymore, you wrapped your hand around yourself to seek some sort of protection and comfort, bottom lip quivering, the welled up traitorous tears were streaming down your face and all you could think about was that night. 
“I… I can't get his touch out,” you stammered. ” I shower, multiple times a day, but I still can't get his touch out.”
With that, you broke down completely and shattered on the floor, sobbing ferociously. Your knees ached because of the position you were situated in, but the emotional pain was enough to overshadow the physical one.
For once in his lifetime, Bucky did not know what to do. Cautiously, he made his way towards you and knelt down in front of you. He did not know what to say or do to make you feel better.
You launched your body towards him, snaking your arms around his shoulder to settle on his neck as if he was the only thing grounding you. You lurched onto him like he was your anchor, and maybe he was. It took a minute for Bucky to register your actions, and when he did, he wrapped his arms around your middle and closed the minuscule distance separating you.
He surprised himself with the way one of his hands automatically reached for your hair and whispered words of comfort in your ear. He caught you as you crumpled physically and emotionally. 
”You're going to be okay, doll,” he whispered and kissed your temple with sincerity. ”I will make sure of that.”
The second part was barely audible, it wasn't meant for you, it was a promise he made to himself.
Bucky held you tightly yet gently while you sobbed on his shoulder.
 He didn't know how long he held you, it felt like an eternity to him with the way he could feel the guilt and rage inside him. When you passed out in his arms, he gently placed you on one of the comfortable couches in his office and draped a blanket around you that he had for when he would work late at night.
An office chair might not be the most ideal place to spend the night in, but it didn't matter to Bucky. All that mattered was you.
TAGS: @bananapipedreams​ @akkinda10​  @rivers-rambles21​  @emmabarnes​@goodcleanfunsis​ @valsworldofcreativity​
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alreadyblondenow · 4 years
Text
Vampire Play | Lee Jeno
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▸ Jeno x reader ▸ Fluff, Angst, Smut, Vampire au ▸ HALLOWEEN SERIES: 127 HOUSE ▸ 2/5 for NEOHALLOWEEN writing festival hosted by @nct-writers
Summary: The division of upperclassmen vampires and the humans at school, is the only thing that’s stopping Lee Jeno from loving you entirely. Like how vampires hide in the shadows, your growing love for each other is needed to be kept hidden because Jeno’s family cannot be involved with a human such as you. The family name should stay pure and untouched.
Word count: 9k
Warnings: Discriminations between vampires and humans, blood, more blood, heavy vampire-human bullying, blood sucking, swearing, mentions of other idols, loss of virginity, unprotected sex, stalking, teenagers breaking the school rules, not a warning but Jaemin is a big character here. Mentions of coffin, period blood jokes, starving students 
A/N: Pure fiction and inspired by some movies of course. Regarding Jaemin, idk tell me if I should make his story. He was the first one to have a human girlfriend so... Inspired by Vampire Academy, Slaughterhouse Rulez. 
Taglist: I hope I didn’t miss anyone, if yes please do message me so I can apologize huhu @ovelha-colorida-v @huangxx @soondaengie @sunshinedhyuck @your-kpop-cafe @bumblebeenct @joyfuleggsfishbanana @floweringtheflowers @neosculptures​
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The sound of the school bell welcomes you to your new school as your parents drop you off and watch you reach their dreams. That’s right, theirs. This isn’t what you wanted, but thinking about how your parents worked so hard for you to have a great education is enough push to force yourself to study and like this place. It was their dream for you to go to an exclusive school such as 127 House. A place where the finest kind of vampires go to school, and a place where rich humans like you are given the opportunity to have the same education.
Sounds fun? It does, but the division between humans and vampires is taken seriously in 127 House. Actually, it’s not a division, it’s discrimination. 
Yes, you go to the same school with the vampires but those bloodsuckers are treated royalty. Humans are not allowed to be friends with vampires, talking to vampires is strictly prohibited, fornicating with a vampire is a major offense, and having a relationship with a vampire can get you kicked out of the school. It says in the student handbook that they have all these rules and divisions to protect the royal bloodsuckers and to maintain peace and order inside the school. 
“You’re going to do your best, right?” your mom asks, you see the headmaster waiting for you to say goodbye to your parents. 
“I’m going to be fine, drive home safe, okay? See in you on Christmas” you hugged them and gather your things and walk towards the headmaster. The house is all white you noticed, even the door is white and you thought that the house will finally have some color once you enter the premises, but no. It’s still white and the place feels cold. White walls, white ceiling, no ray of sunshine, well that part is understandable. At least the interior is nice. 
Before the assembly officially starts, you’re blessed to have a friend to at least warn you and tell you about the dos and don’ts in this school. Yeji, your nice roommate. Being a sophomore transferee is not easy, because no one does that. Literally, you’re a fresh meat, in a house where 50% of the population is vampires. You’re the only transferee and that makes you an automatic target to the bullies. High school. 
You fixed your things and made your bed, you make sure to look presentable on your first day of school. Going to school in the evening is something new to you and you pray that you don’t sleep in one of your classes tonight. Given that it’s a vampire school, humans are required to adjust and follow the vampire time table. That means sleeping during day time and having classes in the middle of the night. 
“Stop fidgeting, or the cold bloods and other humans will make fun of you” Yeji whispers while you two come down the stairs and head to the main hall. You scan your surroundings without turning your head too much and try to observe secretly. Not much happenings, for now, the only thing you found out is that human students are all dressed in black uniforms, all looking rich and righteous. Not your normal high school classmates.  
As you enter the main hall, the vampires are not yet seated in their rightful place. Humans are all seated at the back and are not allowed to chatter loudly, and vampires are seated upfront with teachers and higher ups, they can do whatever they want. You have never seen a vampire up close, you just imagined them to look pale and lifeless, that’s all nothing special. 
“Hey,” Yeji whispered so quietly, you barely heard her. “Once the vampires are here, don’t you dare look at them, no head-turning, wait for them to be seated” you nod your head as an acknowledgment of what Yeji said. Being a transferee is making you anxious already even around your own kind, now you’re curious what can a vampire’s presence do to you?
Soon, she nudges your elbow and told you to look down because they’re finally here. In the corner of your eye, you don’t see any of their reflection on the shiny and clean floor of 127 House, but you hear footsteps and low chatters, the air became cold like their bloods while they were walking on the aisle and that alone gave you goosebumps. 
When it’s finally allowed to look upfront, curiosity is swallowing your mind. You didn’t listen to the one talking in front and you spend the entire time looking at their backs. All dressed in white with a small shade of light blue, pure like their families, even from behind they all look like gods who blessed the Earth with their presence. Each and every one of them, are very beautiful, if the men looked like gods, the ladies looked like angels without wings but with fangs. 
One vampire definitely caught your eye. Blonde hair, skin as white as snow, sharp jawline, perfect nose, and dark almond eyes. You can’t stop looking at him and you can hear your heart beats faster than usual for no reason. “Lee Jeno” Yeji whispered to you while keeping her eyes upfront. “He runs this school and everyone is afraid of him, he’s from a family that breeds the purest vampires of all time. Filthy rich, untouchable, can speak seven languages and oh, every girl in this school fantasizes about him. But not me of course, I fantasize about Hyunjin over there” you looked in the direction that she told you. 
As soon as the assembly is finished, you’re back to bowing your heads until the last vampire leaves the room. You realized that this is going to be your new life for a whole year and until you graduate from this school. One day at a time, you sigh and tell yourself.
High school is high school. But every day in 127 House is like a game of chicken with all these bloodsuckers bullying humans. Being invisible is almost impossible, they always find a way to make fun of humans. The bullying system made you change yourself. You used to be a fun person and you love talking to your friends, but now you go to class, listen to new learnings, avoid every vampire you see, go to church every Sunday, and do it again. Human or not, you try to avoid friendship.
Day by day, you spend it exactly how you spend it yesterday. It was sickening and boring, you miss your family and friends and you wonder if they miss you too. The only coping mechanism you’re allowed to do is read books in the huge old library of 127 House. Luckily, the other students aren’t interested enough in the books that this library holds. They prefer eBooks, and they all use the new library where computers and tablets are used instead of actual books. The old library was your safe place, away from the abnormalities that the world holds. You go here before you go to school, and spend your whole day here every weekend alone and unbothered. Or so you thought. 
Little did you know, there's a pair of eyes who watches you in the shadows of the tall bookshelves whenever you visit. The same pair of eyes are amused whenever you smile while reading a book. The same pair of eyes is slowly being fond of you each day passes. Of course, he wouldn’t dare bother you in your safe place, he’s not that cruel or selfish. But one fine day, he decided to show up.  
“You’re new here” 
You were just about to get out of a dusty aisle when suddenly a man dressed in white and blue cornered you. As quick as you can, you covered your face with the book that you’re holding and didn’t dare look at his perfect form and completely avoiding the cold blooded man. 
This is their way to put humans in trouble, they talk to you and pretend that they wanted to have a decent conversation, but no. One moment they’re staring in your eyes like you have the same status in life and the next thing you know, you’re in the headmaster’s office for a scolding. It’s one of their many ways of bullying humans. Vampires are all bullies, they enjoy it. 
“Hey, I’m your senior and I’m talking to you. There’s no one in here, it’s just the two of us” he reasons out, frustrated because you won’t even look at him. Still avoiding his holy presence, you walked past by the vampire as fast as you can but he followed you until you reach your seat. What’s with these cold blooded creatures? 
“If you don’t talk to me, I’ll make up a story and tell it to the headmaster. If you leave, I’ll tell him you touched me” it was a threat and you don’t like it. Even so, you stopped fixing your things and took a sit. He sat on the table across you with his books and his notebooks, you figured he has some studying to do. 
“I’m Jeno” 
“I know” your responses were quick and straightforward as possible. 
“So what are you reading?” he asks, you see him holding his pen, ready to write down notes perhaps. He doesn’t look like the cold blooded Jeno that you usually see during general assemblies or free period. Now, he looked like a person, who’s pale but still handsome and ethereal. You lift the book and showed him the cover to answer his question, you didn’t even bother to let out another word from your mouth. It’s obvious, he’s trouble. 
“What’s your name?” he asks while writing in his notebook. 
“Y/n” 
“How's your stay in 127 House so far, Y/n?” his smile was inviting, and you know that you shouldn’t stare because looking at his perfection is like committing a sin, but you couldn’t help it. You took the chance to get a better look at his face. For the first time.
“Sorry I have to go” and just like that, you gathered anything you could reach from your stuff and leave your other things on the desk. You can always come back during the daytime, where they’re all asleep. You bolted outside the library and with heavy breaths, ran back to your dorm room and did not tell anyone what happened. 
Talking to Jeno even though it was barely a conversation was like stealing a huge amount of cash from your parents. Even though he looked nice the whole time, you still can’t trust the man. With that, you can only hope and pray that the Lee Jeno did not make up stories just for his entertainment. 
The next day during the general assembly, you saw Jeno in front with his usual vampire might. Even more ethereal than yesterday. As you go on with your day, you went to class with caution. Hoping that you’re not going to be called to the headmaster’s office. And thankfully, you survived the day. What a relief, you thought! You headed back to the library to get the things that you left yesterday and to your surprise, your stuff was nicely organized. He fixed your things and left you a note. 
Sorry to have scared you. -L.J
You read his short note over and over again, smelling the scented paper that he used, it smelled like a rose, and didn’t notice him sneak beside you because you were busy putting your stuff inside the bag. 
“You’re back,” he said a little lively, and it completely startled you that he almost gave you a heart attack. Given that the library is huge and quiet, your squeak echoed and surrounded the place. And again, you avoided his gaze and tried running away for the second time but he’s quick to block you. 
“Hey, didn’t I earn your trust? Not even a bit? I don’t bully humans… they just happened to be scared of me” he explains. Still, it doesn’t make any sense to you. “Look, I’ve been watching you read a bunch of books in here for days. And this has been my favorite place ever since I stepped foot in this house, no one dared to enter this wretched library. We could share” he hands you your notebook from the desk and you accept it slowly. 
“Okay,” you said, still uncomfortable with his godly presence. 
“If we're going to be friends, you should stop doing that. It will not kill you to have a decent conversation with me. As I’ve said before, we're alone in here” 
Friends? Who told him you wanted to be friends with him? 
“Not that you actually care, but I’ve read almost 30% percent of the books here. They’re quite old but golden…” He continued talking about books like the smell of your blood doesn’t bother him at all. It does. But he would rather hold his breath than losing the chance to be friends with you. By the end of the day, you brought some books that Jeno have recommended you read. It kept you all night, turning pages until you finish one book, and the next thing you know you’ve finished reading all of them. He was right about the books. The vampire has taste. 
During your next meeting at the library, you talked about how the books that you’ve read and he was happy that you loved them. “Show me more?” it was not a request, but it was your move and the only way you could give back to the kindness that Jeno showed you. 
Books after books and after a few days, you and Jeno became comfortable with each other. Comfortable enough to laugh and make jokes as if you’ve been friends for a long time now and completely forgetting the cruel world outside the white walls of the library. It was a growing friendship. A unique friendship that you’re both aware of.
Little did you know, that the vampire has grown a huge crush on you. He has never seen someone so full of life and be happy with even the smallest of things. You’re the epitome of simplicity but also too much and too good for him.  
“Hey, are you even listening to me?” Jaemin slapped his friend with his free hand while they were busy feeding. He noticed that his friend was spaced out for some time now, smiling alone like an idiot, and there’s something different with Jeno these past few days. “Ohhh. I get it. You have a shiny new toy” Jaemin teases Jeno while taking a sip of cold blood. 
“You’re the one who toys with the humans, Jaem not me” Jeno defends, taking a sip of his cold blood too. 
“So what are we going to do this time? Make them cry, huh?” it’s easy for Jaemin to talk about things like that. Jaemin bullies mostly human girls, he’s quite irresistible with those pearly whites, perfect fangs, sexy built.
Jeno chuckled and smiled at Jaemin, “I’m going to love this one. She’s different from the other humans, she’s not selfish. She just wants to survive high school and she loves books” there was a smile on Jeno’s face while he was talking about you, something Jaemin never thought he would witness. Jeno is in love. He gulps, knowing all too well that his friend is in danger. 
“For how long?” Jaemin asks nervously, hoping that there’s still hope to pull Jeno out of this dangerous situation. 
“For three. Lovely. Weeks” he smiled, oh so lovingly to his friend again. “Don’t tell the others, please” Jeno knew that he could trust Jaemin no matter what, and for that, he’s thankful. 
 You and Jeno continued being friends, see each other in the library, spend hours and hours talking and knowing each other deeply. And as you continue with this friendship, his handsomeness is becoming harder and harder to avoid each day that passes. “I like your smile. You should smile more often” you blurted out, feeling brave to talk like that to Jeno. He smiled at you in return, his eyes became small and full of life even though the man has no soul. It’s like he has this duality that whenever he’s outside the library, he is this cold blooded creature but when you’re alone together he is this funny guy who’s clumsy and talks too much. 
Of course, you don’t know, but Jeno goes to the library not because of the books anymore. He just wants to meet you and be with you, make him forget about the world that he grew up to, make him forget that he’s a vampire. Let him admire your beauty, be drunk on the smell of your blood. For Jeno, feeling your warmth near him makes him feel that he does exist in this world. 
The truth is, he’s disgusted with the world outside this library. Sick of all the rules that this school implements especially the horrible division. Because of that division, he can’t do something for himself, just this once. But for the sake of their family name, he’s forcing himself to play it all out and pretend that it doesn’t sicken him. 
One cold night during free period, you saw him and his friends walking towards you and Yeji in the middle of the hallway. You don’t know what came into your head but you didn’t avoid the presence of the men in white and with all your confidence, you said “Hi Jeno” 
It broke your heart how he didn’t even spare you a glance, you saw it in your own eyes how his face shows no emotion when he heard you call his name. His friends heard your bravery and of course, they made fun of you, laughed at you for failing to have Jeno’s attention. What came into your head? Did you forget the division because you have a secret friendship with him? That horrible experience slapped you with the ugly truth again. Vampires don’t mingle with humans. You decided not to come to the library ever again, live peacefully behind their shadows, and enjoy the world class education that this school provides. As you should. Keeping yourself invisible became easier as you made new human friends that you could actually mingle with. It was nice having new friends from your kind, it makes you forget about the friendship that you had with Jeno too. But there's no other friend like him. 
“Hi there. I’m Jaemin” the vampire cornered you with all his glory, standing in front of you as you keep your head down and ignore the cold blood who’s bullying you. “I know your secret with Jeno” he whispers to you with a tone that really got into your nerves, it made you look at him, and got in trouble for letting your guard down because of what Jaemin did and faced a week in detention and a week without dinner. 
School’s twisted rules to teach humans respect. It’s not the hunger that made you incredibly mad with Jeno, and it’s not Jaemin either, it’s the fact that he told his friend about you when you didn’t even tell a single soul about what you knew about him.
“Stay away from me and stop bullying me. I'm not scared of you or the rules, I don’t care if I leave this place!” your voice echoes and surrounds the room and for the first time in your life you saw Lee Jeno feel so small. “But I do care about what my parents want, so get out of my life Jeno” your attempt to make a dramatic exit was once again stopped, he brought you deep into one of the dusty aisle and cough a little as you try to get away from his grasp. 
 Jeno was awfully close to you, putting both of his hands on the bookshelf behind you, caging you with his presence. He can hear your heartbeat so fast your blood became even more inviting. “Don’t be scared. I’m not going to bite you” he explains but it doesn’t change anything, you still want to get out of here. You watch him turn silent, and wait for his next move. His right hand caressed your head, feeling your hair and watching his own fingers touch your features and feel your warm skin. It was amusing for him, this is his first time touching a human and not just any human. The human that he likes. 
In one swift move, he kissed you on the lips. And It was not a kiss that lovers share. It was a kiss like someone is confessing their love. Jeno can’t find the words on how he can be more honest with you when he just ruined your trust. And you do understand what he’s saying, he just confessed his feelings using that kiss because he knew you won’t listen to him anymore.
“I hope you understand” his face stayed close to you, nuzzling your hair and enjoying your warmth. He reached for your hand and slowly intertwined his fingers with yours. It was like fire and ice were merging at this very moment. And if you thought holding his hands made your heart beat faster like you just ran a mile, the moment he made you encircle your arms around his waist made you weak right then and there and he was quick to catch you. You too have no words for what's happening right now but you feel the same way towards Jeno. 
He kissed you again and this time you returned the kiss, making the vampire smile from ear to ear in between the kiss, exposing his sharp fangs to you for the first time which you thought he was going to bite you, but no, he kissed you deeper this time. And during the kiss, you can feel his fangs scratch slightly with your teeth. You can also say that he just fed because the metal taste of human blood still lingers in his lips and tongue, but you don’t care. It’s Jeno. 
The peck that Jeno planned on giving you, became your first make out session with him in the old and dusty library. Whenever someone pulls away and tried to stop kissing, you come right back in and devour each other’s lips again. “I’m sorry for what I did to you. But seriously what were you thinking?” he said, cupping your face as he waits for your answer. 
“I know it’s my fault. But I thought what we have here is something special-“ 
“It is special. And it’s for me and you, only. Please don’t do it again, for us” he rests his forehead on yours, closing his eyes and feeling the happiness sink right in. “To be honest I was heartbroken when you stopped coming here. I thought I lost you already way before you can be mine” he kissed you again, but this time he’s hugging you tightly. “Fuck you smell good, you’re making me hungry” you watch him gulp closely, “I need to uhm- you know, I’ll see you tomorrow?” 
And there’s that smile you love seeing, only for your eyes to see. “Yes” you smiled back and kissed him one last time.  
Just like your moments with Jeno in the library, you two continue to meet secretly and spend time together. The books became witness to your growing love as this dangerous relationship becomes, even more, deeper each day passes. It was a secret relationship, but your feelings were true as it can be.
Dating like normal teenagers was hard, of course given the situation you two can’t go on dates. But the vampire is clever and smart. You forgot how he has this whole school wrapped around his finger. With the help of the other vampires to cover up for him, he made a picnic date happen… in the middle of the woods, under the dark.
“Vampires wear denim pants?” you tease him and he greets you with a kiss. 
It was a starry night and you watch and connect the stars while holding each other’s hand. His cold skin doesn’t bother you anymore, you grew fond of it. You spend the night giggling quietly with Jeno, making each other laugh, telling unbelievable stories to each other from your kind. 
“Have you ever experienced biting a human?” you asked curiously, still looking at the stars and holding Jeno’s cold hands. 
“That’s illegal. My family is pure, the finest as they say” he scoffed as if the thought of his family disgust him. “Poor vampires suck blood from humans because they can’t afford buying clean and purified ones- think of it as water, most rich vampires think drinking directly from humans is… disgusting and dirty. So they buy the filtered ones” you nod your head, acknowledging what he said understanding how it works, thinking deeply like you're solving a Math problem. He was amused by your reaction. 
“What will happen to you if they find out about us?” you blurted out, resting your chin on his strong chest as you wait for his answer. 
“To be honest I don’t know. But were sure in trouble young lady” he nuzzles your hair but it’s not your shampoo that he smelled, it’s your blood. He tickled your sides again so he can hear your laugh that’s music to his ears. 
“Okay okay, last question,” you said, catching your breath from too much laughing. 
“Shoot” 
“How can someone be a vampire?” 
“Nope. Not answering that. Too dangerous for you young lady” he teased and tickled you again. It’s not fair, you thought. 
When Jeno finally got tired of teasing you, he turned silent and stared at your face as if he’s engraving it in his memory. Deep inside, he doesn’t know how to keep you away from his family. He doesn’t know how you can survive the cruelty of his world.  
“I love you” you heard him whisper, you barely heard it but he was sincere. He's kissing your knuckles and holding it tightly, pulling you closer to his cold body for a kiss on the lips, “I love you too” you said kissing his cold hand while looking at him smiling from ear to ear again, exposing his fangs to you. 
To make Jaemin pay for what he’s done to you, Jeno made him the lookout whenever you and the vampire have time to make out in locker rooms during free periods. Jeno would drag you there and make out with you until he’s satisfied or he’s late for his next class. You always feel nervous whenever you’re with Jeno but his lips, oh his lips! Does it make you calm and forget about the world. 
If the locker room is not safe, you always have the woods at night and no one would dare lurk in those dark places. Jeno kept you safe in the dark and made you feel safe, knowing that it makes you scared. “I’m a vampire, what are you so afraid of?” he chuckled, and just like that, you two continue to kiss like there's nothing wrong in what you’re doing. 
During weekends, you and Jeno love to stargaze. Hugging you under a blanket, arms perfectly wrapped around you. His cold skin brings you comfort even if sometimes it makes you shiver. You taught him how to eat cookies, which he finds disgusting but he eats it anyway to not disappoint you. 
And just like normal teenage relationships, what’s a great relationship without having your first big a fight? In fact, it was so big and horrible that you thought that was the end of it. Nothing beats jealousy. 
“We were lab partners, Jeno! And we were studying!” by this time you were yelling at him and you hate this feeling. Both of you are completely aware of the love you share, but being divided this way can make you both jealous in every way. “How about you with Yeeun, huh? Do you enjoy her godly presence?” you added.
“Don’t get me started about you and Mark. I see you two, too close sometimes. Are you cheating on me?” it was so easy for him to accuse you of something you would never do to the man you love. With that, you scoffed and turned your back on him, gathering your books and making your way out of the library. He didn’t even bother stopping you this time like he always does. 
The fight went on for weeks until exams week were finally over. It was torture for both of you but he hurt you in a way you couldn’t believe he can. You went to the library to return some books you’ve already finished reading. To your surprise a red rose is waiting for you on the desk you claim as yours, of course, it’s from Jeno. 
Jealousy can’t ruin us. Please forgive me - L.J
You meet him in the woods that night after class, exchanged apologies, sweet and loving words, and shared a wonderful kiss. He’s right, jealousy can’t ruin what you have. Every relationship experiences huge fights.
Walking hand in hand back to the school premises, Jeno smelled another human blood near the two of you. He was just about to tell you to hide when Jaemin and his girlfriend were walking hand in hand towards the dark where you just came from. She was your senior, and you can see that she holds on to Jaemin so tight like you’re about to take Jaemin away from her. She was scared that you’d tell, but you’re not like that, you smiled and gave her your jacket. “It’s awfully cold back there. It’s nice to know I’m not alone” she smiled back at you. 
“Glad you two are back” Jaemin teases Jeno and your boyfriend just rolled his eyes at him. 
One hot afternoon in the library, Jeno’s skin was so irritated with the heat but he wanted to be with you. He was confident with his hands that it started to roam around your body, something he’s never done before but you like it. Let’s not fool ourselves here. 
“Does the heat makes you horny? Or the heat is a different story?” you tease him in between kisses. His hand is under your skirt, caressing your ass cheek playing with the hem of your black lacy panties. If him being confident with his hands shocks you, well you were completely surprised when he removed your panties swiftly and started to undo his belt. 
“Baby, I’m a virgin. Don’t I at least deserved to fucked on your coffin?” You were talking about his bed, and it was a joke that made laugh and brought up your panties again. “Thank you” you knew he would understand that you don’t want to have your first sex in a dusty library and you’re thankful that Jeno is a gentleman even though he can't control himself sometimes.
He’s one horny vampire.
“When?” he was talking about the sex you were sure of it. And the real answer to that is you don’t know because you don’t know how. 
“I’m not sure how to make that happen, baby, I’m not the god of this school” you both chuckled and laughed quietly. 
“Right- I’m sorry about your panties-“ 
“No no, it’s okay“ you kissed his cheek and fixed his ruined hair.  
“Wait for me here tonight, then I’ll bring you to our dorms” it was another shocker for you, how can he make that possible? He kissed your hand and wore his black sunglasses again before he leaves the library. Leaving you with a promise that tonight is going to be special.
Usually, on weekends, you and Jeno go stargazing deep into the woods and make out like crazy under the stars but tonight, he brought you to his dorm room and you both never felt so together. The vampire dorm is deep underground to protect them from the heat and harsh sunlight. Maybe that’s why it takes them too long during general assemblies. And as expected, Jeno’s room is dark, with no windows and minimal airflow but you can manage. There’s no coffin, but his bed is cold even though you two are wildly kissing already while you sit comfortably on top of him, shirtless and only wearing thin sweatpants while you are wearing only your matching underwear. 
“We have to be absolutely quiet tonight” he whispers softly to you. In return, you whisper back a soft ‘okay’ while still grinding on top of Jeno’s hardening cock. You do your best to keep quiet, not only you don’t want to get caught, but there are literally a hundred vampires outside Jeno’s room and you wouldn’t want the attention.  
“You smell good” it sounded like a quiet moan like he’s stopping himself but still he swims on the lust and frenzy that your blood brings. 
“I smell good or my blood smells good?” you tease him more, leaning on his figure, grinding even more deliciously. It was torture for him, but he likes it. He smiled at you, but not like the kind of smile you loved seeing. It was a weak smile, watching you under his lids, shaking his head in disbelief. He grabs the small of your back, pulling you closer than ever to him. It was cold, but not because of the night. You were sure that it’s cold because of Jeno’s skin pressing on your body. 
With one swift move, he’s on top of you, kissing your neck that he oh so love, gripping your clothed boobs so hard you thought your bra will get ruined. Using one hand, you unclasp your bra expose yourself to Jeno. It made him stop devouring your neck and the grip on your boobs loosen up. He can’t believe that this is all happening. 
“I always thought you look even more beautiful, naked” he swirls his pointer finger on your hardening nipples, watching you with full amusement on how you will react with his touch. 
“I didn’t know you were capable of thinking such dirty thought” you managed to bite back, still feeling his cold fingers swirl slowly around your nipples. He kissed you on the chest, softly like your first kiss together. But the softness was quickly replaced with lustful one as you watch him suck your boobs while looking deep into your eyes. Your nipples were quick to be swollen because of the way how Jeno sucks them. Well, he’s a vampire after all. 
You notice his kisses were slowly going down to your stomach as he takes time kissing your inner thighs. Spreading your legs according to his liking before he removes your panties. It’s weird how he was facing your clothed pussy, feeling his cold breath brush on your damped panties as he was smelling it. “Your period is near, I can smell it” it was a joke but it made you shy as hell in front of your boyfriend that you closed your legs and grab the blanket near you. 
Jeno was chuckling awkwardly. It was funny but you still can’t help but be shy. Your boyfriend was quick to apologize, kissing you again on the lips and putting away the blanket that you covered yourself with. He can be an effective period tracker you joke to yourself. 
He removed your panties swiftly and get himself naked before he returns to his place in between your legs. He looked more handsome flashing those perfect abs, again, only for your eyes. You run your hands around his perfect body, making him twitch a little because of your warm palms. He proceeds to suck his own fingers, point and middle finger, before he puts it on your slit. Making it wet even more. If he thought that your palms were warm, your walls were warmer and he likes the feeling of it just like how you love the feeling of his cold skin. 
Given that you’re a virgin, your hole was so tight that it scared Jeno to continue. “Does it hurt?” he asks, moving his two fingers in and out of your wet entrance. The hurt was obvious in your face it surely bothered your boyfriend, being a virgin vampire is definitely making him nervous right now. 
“Yeah. But it feels good baby, don’t stop” it was a quiet and airy moan. Your head rolled back, exposing your neck in front of him. He avoided it for the first time because it was becoming too much to handle. That’s not good he thought, he never felt that way before towards you. 
He removed his fingers and cleaned it with his own mouth. Making you watch how he lick those fingers of his, coated with your pussy juices, he looked fucking hot and you wonder if it tastes good for him. Little did you know he is becoming crazy, your pussy juices were the closest thing he can get to have a taste of you. 
“You do know that there's more down there right?” you were inviting him to lick your pussy, he only smirked and went close to you. Kissing your mouth hungrily like he hasn’t kissed you for months. 
“Yes but that’s dangerous, I can end up sucking your period blood-“
“Which is gross!” you whispered a little too loud, making Jeno laugh uncontrollably. 
“Ohhh. I love you, ready?” he asked, palming himself and pumping his cock before he proceeds. You nod your head ‘yes’, feeling your heart beat faster. You’re about to lose your virginity to a guy you love. You smiled and sling your arms around his neck, he can hear your heartbeat but your face is telling him that you’re happy and excited. 
He never left your lips, kissing you none stop so you won’t think about the hurt. It was sweet. But he was big and you were the one who stopped returning the kisses. It felt like your air was being sucked up, you started breathing heavily and to Jeno… No one said that the lust that your blood brings during sex was unbearable. 
For your safety, he was trying not to breathe and avoid your delicious scent. Your blood smells like freshly cooked ham on Christmas Eve. It lingers around the room. 
You notice that his thrusts were stiff and he looked in pain more than you. You tried reaching for his face but he avoided your touch and continued sliding his cock in and out of you. The hurt was long forgotten because you were more bothered with how Jeno is reacting to the sex. 
It’s your blood. He’s stopping himself. 
“Hey, hey, look at me baby,” it was hard for you too, because even though Jeno’s thrust was sloppy, it still felt good for you. “Bite me, it’s okay” you know that you shouldn’t have offered, but what can you do? He was suffering. 
It was an offer that he can’t refuse. A sin that he doesn’t care doing. He tried to relax himself and smelled your blood even more, enjoying the high and making himself more drunk . He leaned closer to your neck, licking it over and over again. He finds a perfect spot where he can suck you off, a perfect spot where you can hide the traces of his fangs. 
And just when you feel like you’re already on the edge, you stop yourself from moaning too much and take Jeno’s quick thrust. His cold hand grips one boob and the other is intertwined with your hand. He can hear your hearbeat racing, he knows you’re about to have an orgasm. 
“Jen I’m gonna cum-“ your warning has been cut off when you feel something stick into your skin that you almost screamed but you're quick to stop yourself. 
Getting your blood sucked felt amazing, it’s like having a slow orgasm that will make you moan, smile through the high with furrowed brows, then it will make you feel dizzy for a second. And the most amazing part about that, it works both ways. 
Jeno shoots his cum on his clean sheets, even though he can’t get you pregnant, he can’t cum inside you without your consent. He flopped beside you while you’re still high from your orgasm and getting your blood sucked. Jeno seized this moment to kiss oh so sweetly to bring you back to Earth with him. 
When you don’t feel numb already, you saw Jeno’s lips with a little bit of blood on the side. You wiped it with your thumb with a smile and he catches your hand with his lips and kissed it. It was an amazing first time for both of you, no doubt about that.  
“You okay, Jeno?” you asked him because you’re not sure what your blood does to him. 
“More than okay. How about you, did I hurt you?” he was more concerned and checked the part where he had bit you, kissed it softly until it’s tickling you and you had to make him stop. 
“I just remembered how you said that-uhm, drinking human blood straight from a human is kind of dirty-“ he stopped you with a kiss and pulled you close to him. 
“What are you talking about, it’s your blood. Nothing about you can disgust me” he whispers to you. 
The sex and the bloodsucking made your relationship even more special and thrilling. Every weekend, Jeno sneaks you into his room and be intimate with you in every way possible. Round after round and before you reach your orgasm, Jeno bites you in the same place and suck you off. The taste of your blood has become his new favorite thing in the world that even one drop of it on his tongue, he will know that it’s yours. It was like a drug for both of you and an addiction that has to be stopped. 
Sometimes when he feels full or you look too weak, there’s no bloodsucking. Only sex, and pure sex. Even though it’s better when there’s blood involved, Jeno can still make you feel good using his cock and you can still make him dizzy by sucking him off. If he’s being completely honest with you, it amazes him with how good you suck him off. Your mouth makes him crazy, moan your name and ask for more. Just like now that his whole length is inside your mouth and the tip of his cock is hitting the back of your throat. Thrusting his length in and out, making you gag but you can handle it. 
Again, you amaze him. “You could be a great vampire, you know how to suck good.” He kissed you on the lips and made you lay beside him, switching positions to return the favor. 
He was still hard and his cock is ready to go, pushing in slowly as usual in your tight walls. Another addicting thing about you. After having sex almost every week, Jeno became confident in bed, even more confident than before. Now, he can fuck you hard and give you a mind blowing orgasm without biting you. 
“Jeno, harder” you moan quietly, careful not to be heard. Jeno pounds in you hard, making your boobs bounce up and down. He recently found out that you love it when he touches your clit while you’re on edge and on the verge to have a great orgasm. And one of the many perks of being a vampire is, he can hear your heart beats fast so he knows when to put his thumb and touch you. Softly at first, like he’s not fucking you hard, then he will slowly put pressure on his fingers and the next thing he knows, you’re shivering beneath him, parting your lips, and reaching for Jeno’s shoulder to bite it as you ease your oversensitivity and to stop yourself from moaning loudly. 
“Who’s the vampire here? me or you?” he chuckles and kisses you on the lips watching you smile weakly beneath him. You feel him wear his shirt and boxers brief as he waits for you to calm down. 
“Can you make me a vampire someday?” it was a stupid question. He just chuckled, cleaned you up, and helped you get dressed. 
“No. Absolutely not” he answered and kissed you again. 
As you were about to tie your shoes, you saw your hand shaking uncontrollably. You were about to hide it from Jeno but he saw it already and he was quick to hold your hand even if he knows he holds no warmth and his cold hands can make your hands shake more. But he’s confident that he can make you calm.  
“I’m here. Relax, tell me the truth, are you okay?” he kisses your knuckles and proceeds to tie your shoes himself as he waits for your answer. 
“I’m fine. This is the first time though” it’s true. 
“Okay, well, baby you have to take care of yourself out there because I can’t. And I’m sorry, I truly am. Let’s be careful from now on okay? No more bloodsucking I promise” 
As much as he wants to take care of you outside, he can’t but he has his own ways. Whenever he’s around you, he simply watches you. It frustrates him even more but he has to remain calm or else people will get suspicious. Jeno became more and more in love with you, as he continues to fear losing you. 
This is his first time feeling such fear. 
One fine Sunday night where the whole school was at church and the mass just finished, you started to feel dizzy and unstable. Unlike morning general assemblies where the vampires get out first, during church it’s different. They are expected to pray more and stay a little bit longer in church and humans leave first.
While you wait for your row to stand up and head out, you shake your head from side to side to try and shrug it off. You try closing your eyes and open them again to stop the dizziness but it won't leave. You felt weak as you try to stand up and walk with the others, but your eyesight was turning black. 
Then you fainted. Feeling the cold floor of 127 House on your face. 
The girls gasped and made quite a noise at church while the vampires were already starting to pray again. And usually, Jeno wouldn’t care what’s happening behind. But Jaemin does. 
“She fainted” Jaemin murmured and pretends to pray. 
“Who yours?” Jeno murmured back. 
“No. Yours” 
And just like that Jeno didn’t hesitate to turn his head back and see for himself. It’s true. He saw you being carried by the school nurse and the sight of it makes him want to vomit all the blood that he had for dinner earlier during feeding. He was worried sick about you but he can't do shit. 
“Control yourself. She will be fine” Jaemin was worrying for his friend too. For all, he knows you are Jeno’s weakness and he’s scared that Jeno will cause a scene at church in front of the other vampires and expose his vulnerability. 
As you stayed unconscious at the school’s hospital wing, the school nurse checked your pulse, your breathing, and your blood, and found of about Jeno’s markings at the top of your collar bone. You lost a lot of blood from too much intimacy with Jeno, and the higher ups of the school only had one theory of what happened to you. You were fornicating with a vampire which is a sin to them. 
Of course, they only cared about Jeno’s wellbeing and quickly called his family. Covering up for Jeno’s scandal, the higher ups did not say that they knew all about your relationship with Jeno. They would rather choose to believe that you forced Jeno to drink your blood, than accepting the truth that you two are in love. But for now, they remained silent and waited for Jeno’s father to decide about your consequence. 
While you were at the hospital wing saving strength and accepting visits from Yeji and your other friends, Jeno is facing big trouble because of what happened to you. Given that they easily tracked Jeno’s fangs, he doesn’t care at all if the whole school finds out. He just wants to know if you’re safe.
Yes, he is scared to face his parents, but he wants to face them with all false bravery and receive his punishment. He entered the room with all his might, not giving a fuck about the teachers who are in the same room as he is. On the right side of the room, he sees his father staring outside waiting for the sun to rise while he listens to the headmaster talk.
Lee Taeyong, always looked scary to everyone. Even the other vampires wouldn’t dare look at his perfection. Jeno is powerless when it comes to his father and quite frankly his relationship with his own father is as cold as their blood.  
 “Mr. Lee, we didn’t actually catch them do it but it was indeed Lee Jeno’s fangs according to school records… and your son is in a relationship with a human” 
Taeyong turned around to face his son and put both of his hands in the pocket of his trousers, “continue” he said. Obviously, he’s much more interested in the story of how his son became so rebellious after meeting you. Unfortunately, the school found out everything even about your stargazing dates and library dates. It all sounded like a joke to Taeyong which made him laughed and mock his own son. 
“Are you done playing dumb, son?” the tone of his voice was cool. It’s always like that. Words come out from his mouth slowly to send daggers in Jeno’s heart. “I don’t want a scandal for the Lee family, let this be a secret for everyone. Son, I want you to pretend that nothing happened between the two of you. Pretend that you don’t know her, pretend that you don’t love her and this time you will follow the school rules or I will ruin her parent's business” Jeno’s father is a powerful man and the school staffs wouldn’t dare not follow him. “Let Jeno suffer from his stupidity. Nothing can stain the perfectness of the Lee family. Go to church young man, get your blood clean” Taeyong added. 
Jeno was scared. He felt weak and unable to talk, but he has to at least try and fight for you. “We were in love” he croaked, but Taeyong just turned his back from his son and admired the beautiful sunset. 
“I believe you and I don’t care” 
Taeyong knew you are a threat not only to the Lee family but also to the whole vampire kind. If he let you and Jeno stay together, you will serve as hope or inspiration to the other humans and humans will continue to stain the royalty of the vampires. 
And the stupidity of his son is the root of it all. 
The young vampire did not know what to do, frustrated, and mad knowing all too well that he can’t stomach hurting your feelings. Jeno left the room and look for someplace quiet to cry and be mad at his own father. His own father. 
Weeks after being discharged from the school’s hospital, it’s surprising how Jeno is not meeting you in your usual places. He’s not coming to the library anymore to meet with you, no more spontaneous making out while Jaemin is on the lookout, you are left alone in the dark under the stars for the past weekends. It was heartbreaking. You don’t know what’s going on.  
“School’s king and queen, huh? No wonder they seem so close during assemblies. Also, their families are a perfect match. Both untouched and rich” Yeji continues to gossip with Lia while you’re on her side, listening and feeling your heartbreak into pieces. 
Not long after you’ve heard the rumor about Yeeun and Jeno being together, to be honest, you find it as a sick joke that Jeno is playing. You saw them walking hand in hand in the school corridor. White on white never looked so good. So it's true. Yeeun catches your attention and raised one eyebrow at you as if she’s saying, ‘bow down, he was never yours’ 
Again, you got into trouble for looking at Yeeun and Jeno. And once again, the ugly truth slapped you hard in the face. You’ve committed a great sin by loving a vampire, and now you’re facing the consequences. No more, you said to yourself. This time, you decided for yourself and told your parents that you cannot handle the ways of this school anymore. You didn’t tell them about Jeno because that would be a great scandal, you just told them that the bullying in the school is out of hand that it isn’t the right place for you. 
“Did someone bullied you?” your dad asked through the phone, sounding so worried and concerned. 
“No no. I just want to leave before someone does, is that okay? I promise to do good in my next school” 
“Of course. Will get you out of there right away” 
  The school didn’t make a fuss about the situation and let your parents pull you out from the school. At least they’re nice enough to not tell about what happened between you and Jeno. Hearing the news that you are transferring schools, Jeno tried everything, even asked help from Jaemin’s girlfriend but he was too late. You already left, with erased memories.
As part of the school’s twisted rules, graduating from the school is the only way to keep your memories so that students like you, cannot stain the perfect name of the school 127 House and spread false rumors about it.  
Jeno hated himself more but he didn’t cause any more trouble and embraced a sad life without you, from now on. He became colder towards the other students and started to bully other humans, vampires, and teachers. Even Jaemin and his other friends can’t help him and make him stop.  
To feel your presence again, he still goes to the library where you two met and shared hundreds of memories. Relieving every memory, one by one, even staying inside the library in the middle of a hot afternoon. It doesn’t matter if the heat is irritating him, what his father did to him was even more irritating than the sun. 
He still goes stargazing every weekend, torturing himself even more. Looking at the stars with tears in his eyes, hoping that he could hear your voice and feel your warmth again.  
One day, when he was feeding with Jaemin and the rest of the guys and the blood that’s given to him tastes like yours it made him crazy, drank it in one go. He missed you even more than ever, but a lot of horrible scenarios ran through his mind. Why is your blood being donated? Did his parents have you killed? Did something happened to you? He was being hysterical. Jaemin was quick to calm him down and gave his friend another pack of blood, “Don’t make a scene or you’ll get in trouble again. You just miss her that’s why every blood you taste, tastes like her”
“You don’t understand because yours wasn’t taken away from you” Jeno once again pushed Jaemin away but this time he hurt his friend. 
“Jeno, we broke up because of your stupidity and I’m here stuck with you. Drink your blood” Jaemin broke up with his girl because he was scared the school might found out about them too. He would rather break up with her than getting her memories erased and forget about the love that they shared.   
Graduation came and Jeno can’t stomach the presence of his father. Jeno left and graduated from 127 House with pure anger and disgust towards the school and the people who run it. He was ready to move forward and go to college, but he will never want to move on from you. For as long as he can, he will hope and pray for you to come back in his life.
College was another vampire play for Jeno, the only difference is the stage has gotten bigger. To earn his parent’s trust again, he made the family proud and forced himself to get involved with the family business and showed Taeyong that he can be trusted. Build his own life and making himself known as one of the scariest Lee next to his father. All those things were easy for Jeno. He can fake it every day. But the pain of losing you still haunts him every night, that’s what hard for him. 
Jeno grew up to be a fine vampire like his family and live up to the family legacy. When Jeno was all grown up and arranged to marry Yeeun, he was heartbroken again. 
He did found you though, but he can only remain as a stranger so he can’t hurt you for the second time. He always watches you from afar, just like how he first met you at the library. You don’t know but he watches you when you’re asleep, sitting close to you like a shadow. Jeno stayed with you for days, admire you when you sleep, love you secretly. 
Until one night during your sleep, you have this weird dream that you study in a vampire school when you were still young. A vampire so handsome like a god was holding your hand while you were watching the stars with him. Little did you know, they were all flashbacks of every good memory you had with Jeno. 
“Jeno” you murmur in your sleep but Jeno wouldn’t dare wake you up. 
“Y/n,” he whispered back, smiling because he’s hurt but happy at the same time you remember his name even if it’s just a murmur. He kissed you and smelled your blood one last time, even left his tears on your cheek, then left and never came back again.
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Omg my #1 inspiration for this fic was my high school life and how I’m always weak and pale all throughout high school. I was a transferee when I was a sophomore and I went to school not wearing uniform but casual clothes. it was humiliating. Also I was cultured shock because it’s so different from the academy that I used to go schooling. ANYWEIZ ALL IS WELL, HIGH SCHOOL FOR ME WAS FUN. 
Vampires were based to Vampire Academy, the twisted school rules were based from Slaughterhouse Rulez. I think Vampire Academy is a great book but the movie was just so so. 
Anyweiz, it’s my birthday today and I wrote this story for myself and tried stretching my imagination. heheh what a challenge. 
Hope you enjoyed reading! 
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bts-hyperfixation · 3 years
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Soulmates
JJK X Reader soulmate AU
Warnings: Minor character death(car crash, only mentioned nothing graphic), Drinking
I don’t know if this is what you (the requester) were going for? this is somehow where I ended up
Everyone in this world has a soulmate. Someone that is meant to complete them and make them feel whole.
Your other half can be identified by the matching birthmark hidden somewhere on their body. There are also a lot of people whose marks are so close to matching that it almost feels like the real thing… almost. Sadly, many don’t ever get to experience the love of their true soulmate, so they settle for the closest they can get.
Jungkook was convinced he was one of the lucky few. Looking at her made his heart feel like it was going to burst. Every time he saw her the world got brighter, the birds started singing a little louder, and his stress nearly melted away entirely … nearly. But at 17 no one is going to pay attention to nearly.
Their birthmark’s matched so closely, each sporting a small puzzle piece on opposite wrists. You wouldn’t even bat an eyelid at the loved-up pair as they walked together hand in hand. And he loved her so completely, and her him, that they never thought to question it. Madly in love until the day she died.
Jungkook spent weeks almost comatose when the news of her car crash reached him. Couldn’t move, eat, sleep. To lose your soulmate so young was said to be a fate worse than never finding them at all. Even after coming through the other side people could tell he wasn’t the same carefree young boy he had been, most likely never would be again. His eyes’ looked far older than his years now, his soft features much more angular.
Three months after her death he resolve to never fall in love again, happy in the knowledge that he got to know her even for such a short amount of time.
….
You met Jungkook at a party. Someone from Uni decided that 24 was the right age for a big birthday bash. They hired out an entire club and set up a series of activities for people to enjoy. A mechanical ball on the main floor, a ball pit to the side, a BBQ in the smoking area, and a bouncy castle in the downstairs 90’s themed area. It really was an amazing event. You however spent most of your time watching the quiet Korean boy in the corner, every time his eyes met yours you felt compelled to move to him, talk to him, dance with him, anything that would get his attention on you. At the time you put it down to the alcohol. It took you exactly 3 and a half drinks to pick up the courage and interrupt his current conversation.
He was very sweet, really sweet considering he clearly didn’t want to be talking to you. It was evident in the way his eyes shifted and the nervous playing with his sleeves, still you persevered. Something about him wouldn’t let you give up, not yet at least. Your saving grace came when your favourite band came blaring over the speakers. “PRETTYMUCH” aren’t an underrated band per say but it’s difficult to find someone who knows them in your circle, so when Jungkook’s face lit up at the same time as yours you knew you had your in. So with the Phases remix blaring through the club you took your opportunity.
“I love this song!” You took his hand and pulled him on to the dance floor before you really realised that’s what you are doing. To start with he was frozen, a little shocked by your boldness, but as you gave it your all he joined in, loosening up for the first time that entire night. After that it was a lot easier to talk to him, you actually went into the smoking area to talk more about shared music interests.
After you went to get a drink you got caught up with some others and he came to find you. It felt like an electric shock when he’d grabbed your hand to get your attention, but there were a lot of balloons around so that would explain the residual electricity. By the time the party was over, and the club was closing, you didn’t want to leave him, not just now but ever. You found yourselves wandering around aimlessly, talking about nothing until the sun came up. Looking back it was then you decided Jungkook was it for you. You had never really believed in the soulmate tradition until you met him.
Weeks go by of you texting back and forth. You found out the reason he was so into music was because he was a musician himself, he even promised to perform for you sometime. A lot of promises were made in those messages.
‘There’s this amazing Restaurant in the city’ you claimed promising to take him with you next time.
‘I really want to see this movie’ he said promising to pay for tickets when it came out.
‘We should go see this band together’ The number one promise between the two of you, quickly racking up a lot of different acts to see together.
So when one of those bands turned up on the roster for the local you’d bought tickets immediately sending him the confirmation. Your stomach had fluttered thinking about seeing him in person again. And so you counted down the days as they passed. Picked and repicked your outfit. Talked yourself in and out of going. Eventually the day arrived. The doorbell signalling his arrival was deafening, ringing out through your small studio apartment. You took a few deep breaths before opening the door.
He was flawless, your tipsy memory hadn’t done him justice. A broad chest draped in a white long sleeve tee, ripped skinnies straining against his thighs, his hair swept into a James Dean quiff. You might’ve laughed at the way your outfits had accidently matched (a black crop with white skinnies) had you been capable of making a noise.
“Ready to go?” He asked nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. You’d nodded, blushing when you realised you had been staring.
It was a short bus ride into the town centre. Spent in relatively comfortable silence arms brushing against one another in the limited space on the crowded vehicle. The club was packed wall to wall when you got inside, no hope of getting to the front of the crowd, or so you’d thought. Jungkook grabbed your hand winked at you and began heading in the opposite direction of the stage. He led you up some back stairs and on to a balcony you hadn’t ever noticed before.
“I’ve played here before, almost no one knows this is here, but it will give us the perfect view.” He dropped your hand in favour of leaning over the railing. You couldn’t help but feel cold at the loss. The performance was great, you found yourselves screaming lyrics back and forth at one another. Some people had cottoned on to your little hiding spot and soon it became as packed as the rest of the club. Whether he was trying to protect you from the others or he was pushed there you will never know, but Jungkook ended up caging you to the railing, head resting on your shoulder.
After the show you’d decided it was time to ask him how he felt. The club was still busy, but the two of you had been in a quiet corner on your own nursing drinks and chatting aimlessly.
“Do you believe in soulmates?” You asked, broaching the topic carefully. You watched closely for his reaction, but he gave nothing away. Instead he just shrugged.
“I did once.” It was too blunt, you knew you should’ve stopped but you couldn’t, now you’d decided to tell him it was like verbal diarrhoea.
“I didn’t think I did, I mean I’ve never seen any ‘matching birthmarks’ and every couple I know is perfectly happy… but then I met you and I keep thinking about it, and you, and how I feel about you.” You watched as his face goes from pensive to a deer caught in the headlights.
“I… I have to leave now.” He got up and ran into the crowd before you even had a chance to reach for him. He dipped through a back entrance of the club and into the night before you could even push through the first layer of people.
The ride home had seemed a lot longer. Holding back tears had proved extremely difficult. Of all the reactions he could’ve given you that might’ve been the worst one. Somehow you found yourself thinking even him laughing in your face might’ve been better. You left the lights in your studio switched off that night. Made a beeline for your bed and passed out face down.
It would’ve felt like a bad dream when you woke up… if it hadn’t been for the crusty mascara tracking down your cheeks. You’d picked up your phone from where it lay abandoned next to you. Battery on 12%. You’d decided then it’d be best to run damage control, at least save the friendship.
Y/N: I’m sorry about last night…
You hadn’t expected his reply to be quick, so it’d surprised you when the typing bubbles appeared immediately; and furthered your sadness when they disappeared moments later without a message.
For days you spiralled. Going over the moment again and again in your head. Each replay turning the memory into something worse than the original.
Eventually you plucked yourself out of bed, deciding to face the problem head on and talk to the friend that invited you both to their birthday in the first place.
She met you at a café downtown during her lunch break. It was obvious by your red rimed eyes and sniffling nose that you had been crying but she was nice enough to ignore it for the most part. You caught up on her life for a little while until you physically couldn’t hold back anymore.
You told her exactly what had happened between you and JK, watching as her expression got both more understanding and pitying as you got closer to the end. Whatever you thought she was going to tell you was no where close to the story you got. You sat mouth wide open as she told you about the accident, and the way it affected Jungkook. It made you want to cry all over again. You didn’t know what to say once she had finished, stewing in your own thoughts for a while. The main thought that kept coming to the front of your mind was one that made you feel so evil. But you had to get it out
“What if she wasn’t really his soulmate. What if he was never meant for her” Its barely above a whisper but your friend heard it.
“He truly believes that she was” She replied squinting at you. Her break ended shortly after that leaving you alone with your thoughts.
It’s almost a month later when you see Jungkook again. Hadn’t heard a single thing from him since the concert but at least you knew why.
This time it was someone pool party. You honestly hadn’t been expecting to see him there. Didn’t even know you had mutual friends past that one girl. You didn’t think twice about your birthmark when you stripped down to your two piece. Why would you? Everyone has one. You were lay out on a sun-lounger with a drink when you spotted him. Tucked away in a corner once again, the only difference this time was his attention was already on you. He looked as good as ever, hair damp and slicked back, Long-sleeved neoprene shit covering his torso but trunks showing off his amazing thighs. You’d forced yourself to look away form him but could still feel the intensity of his gaze on you.
Eventually you couldn’t take it anymore, too hot under the sun and his stare you decided to change out of your swimsuit into a sundress for the evening. Heading inside you found your way into someone’s bedroom to get changed. Perhaps you should’ve checked to see if the door the locked though, because just as you had wiggled out of the bikini top Jungkook burst into the room.
“Ah shit… Sorry… I um.” His hand had flown in front of his eyes as he’d slammed the door shut behind him and you’d immediately reached for the flimsy dress pulling it over you torso so he could reopen his eyes.
“What in the actual fuck Jungkook?” you whisper screamed not wanting to draw attention to the two of you hidden away.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I didn’t think… I just needed to see…”
“See what?! My boobs? I think you managed that one perv. You haven’t spoken to me in weeks and now all of a sudden you can’t wait long enough to knock.” You came across a lot meaner than you had meant, you just hadn’t been prepared for him to want to speak to you again.
“No I’m sorry I’ll go, this was a bad idea, I was probably seeing things anyway.” He mumbled looking sheepishly at the floor/
“No wait it’s okay, I really want to apologise don’t leave.” You took a deep breath and waited for his eyes to meet yours properly. When they did you could see the shock behind them.
“Why do you need to apologise? I’m the one that ran off, I never even told you why and I fucked up and I’m sorry I just…” You reached for him then, wanting nothing more than to comfort him and then realised it wasn’t your place, arm dropping heavily back to your side. “I felt so guilty with you, not because of you, because of me.” You nodded in understanding.
“I found about your soulmate after I confessed to you. I’m so sorry I didn’t know. I never would’ve brought it up if I had known you had already found yours.” You’d broken eye contact with him then unable to watch the sadness in his eyes and not be able to do anything about it.
“That’s why I felt so guilty though because the way I feel about you is so similar to the way I felt about her, how I still feel about her deep down. I was so confused because you’re only supposed to get one soulmate, and if I could feel the same way about you in such a short time… it just feels like I’m betraying her by loving you.” He stepped forward reaching for your chin and forced you to meet his gaze. “The today when I saw your birthmark on your thigh I could’ve cried.” He uses his free hand to unzip the shirt he’d been wearing. He pulled his left arm from the sleeve exposing his birthmark to you. A puzzle piece to fit perfectly into your own.
You’d gasped at the revelation you were right. He was meant to be yours. And yet it didn’t feel right. The anguish on his face was clear, the internal fight he had obviously been having with himself ever since the concert.
“Letting yourself love me now doesn’t mean you loved her any less” you whispered, allowing yourself to move even closer to him, wrapping him in your arms. He’d nuzzled into your neck allowing tears to stream down his cheeks and onto your shoulder. You’d felt every bit of stress leave his body as he cried. Emotions he hadn’t even know he had been holding onto, finally letting himself really breath since he had lost her all those years ago.
You’d lost track of the time, just stood with him, holding him until the final few sniffles came. His cheeks had been puffy by and red when he pulled away, wiping his face on the sleeve still on his right arm.
“Do you want to leave? We can go back to mine” You’d asked carefully, not willing to let him go home alone after feeling like that. He’d nodded weakly, sliding his arm back into the shirt before taking your hand in his. You’d headed for the door only to be brought back by the hand he had on yours. He’d pulled you so close you could see the flecks of gold in his irises, watched your reaction before leaning in and kissing you. It was salty with left over tears, but you wouldn’t change you first kiss for the world. Everything felt like it clicked into place in that moment, the world tilted on its axis. The exchange was short lived, a chaste peck followed by a few smaller pecks before he let you lead him all the way home.
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after-witch · 4 years
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Suburban Dreams [White Picket Fence Part 2] [Yandere Overhaul x Reader]
Title:  Suburban Dreams [White Picket Fence Part 2] [Yandere Overhaul x Reader]
Synopsis: Your captor  lover surprises you with something you’ve been dreaming about. Are dreams ever as good as you wish they’d be?
For request: 
Fic continuation to white picket fence but in the future when darling is "ready"? I wanna see if our yandere is actually gonna stay true to his word
Word Count: 2800ish
notes: yandere, stockholm syndrome, written in bed this past week while i’ve been dealing with blood pressure issues
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You keep your eyes closed and grip Kai's gloved hand firmly. He leads you gingerly along, having told you to keep your eyes closed no matter what. And you listen, you do, because a surprise this big must be truly important. A car ride and a keep-your-eyes-closed surprise all in one day? You feel giddy--and it's almost overwhelming to your senses.
It feels like an occasion, like Christmas, a candy coated ribbon-wrapped Christmas, and you're the child flying down the stairs in the morning to see what gifts Santa left under the tree. But you're not a child, you remind yourself, you're a grown adult with responsibilities. Keeping Kai happy. Making lunches and sometimes dinner, unless Kai says otherwise. Bathing. Keeping yourself occupied while Kai is busy with his work and his goals and his dreams. Ensuring that you're presentable.
"Open them."
You do, practically breathless and--it's... a room. No, not just a room. It's a living room. With an open floor plan. Beyond, you can see a dining room with a kitchen, a real one, with appliances and cabinets and counter space. Not the hot plate and mini fridge you've been (not to brag) doing wonders with over the past year and a half that Kai’s granted you cooking privileges.
You can feel your breath hitching in your chest. It's just... so much. It's so much bigger than anything you've seen in years, actually, you realize; but you don't dwell on this, because you've learned to live in the present. Yet you feel a grin tugging at your lips because you know what this actually means: you're ready, for life and more responsibilities and a future that spans out far beyond those little rooms, office, bedroom, bathroom, clinic.
Kai clears his throat and oh, oops. In your reverie, in your giddy once-over of this glorious space, you practically forgot about Kai. You pivot on your foot, almost running into his arms as you squeeze him tightly in true-blue excitement. He usually likes a warning before you do this (not that you do running hugs often) but you know he'll forgive you, because he's already wrapping his arms around you and giving you a quick, tight squeeze.
You pull back and survey the room again and it's just as wonderful the second time. Your mind seems to run a thousand miles a minute as you imagine the place all filled out, all decorated and pretty and filled with signs of use and maybe--maybe something more.
"Do you like it?"
You turn back to Kai and his expression is concerned and ah, you realize that you're crying. When did that start? You can't remember the last time you cried--well, okay, you absolutely lost it during movie night a few weeks ago, but that was Coco for heaven's sake. You chuckle, and the tears keep coming down, and then you laugh.
Kai stares at you, but his expression has become unreadable. You stop your laughter mid-syllable, because the sight makes your stomach twist. You don't like it when you can't tell how he's feeling, because you've taken it upon yourself to understand every glance and gesture and sigh. You want to lighten his load. He has such stressful days and nights, lately, and isn't it the least you can do to keep him relaxed?
"I'm okay," you say, wiping away your tears with your thumb. You make a mental note to wash your hands as soon as you can. "It's--I love it. It's just overwhelming, I think."
He nods, and sighs--and you do, too. He's okay. You're okay. No, no, actually, you're better than okay because just look at this place! You grin, lopsided and giddy, and hold out your hand. Kai--gloved, thank goodness, you wouldn't want your tear germs to bother him--and you tug playfully.  "Let's go see the rest!"
You pull him along the soft carpeting, making a beeline for the open kitchen. It's a nice kitchen, really nice, lots of space to cook. You wonder how Kai will handle seeing flour on the counter tops. You wonder if you still remember how to cook on a real stove without looking up recipes. 
You tug on his hand again, but stop for a moment to marvel at the window over the sink; you imagine throwing open those dark, closed curtains to let the daylight in. Flowers would like nice on the windowsill. And in the spring, when it was warm enough to open it up, it would let in such a pretty, warm, scent-filled breeze. The thought propels you forward happily and you continue your exploration.
Little things are big things now, you realize. Would you have ever cared about a linen closet before? Yet the little closer for towels and sheets and who-knows-what-else makes your heart thud. There's a spare bedroom, but Kai's already worked on turning it into an office; there's a desk and some papers and his familiar office chair. The empty room next door is an open possibility, one that Kai suggests filling with your crafts, your scraps, the odds-and-ends of hobbies you've collected over time. It's a good idea. 
There's even a staircase, but you don't ascend; Kai says it's two empty bedrooms and a bathroom, you can both check it out after you’ve settled in. You don't say anything, but your heart does a little pitterpatter all the same. Kidskidskidskids.
All the rooms are bare-bones furnished, which is fine for now. You can add your own touches later on--well, as long as Kai approves. But you don't imagine he cares all that much about interior decorating and besides, isn't taking the burden of decorating just what a good partner--you brush a wooden door frame with your knuckle and give them a rap--maybe even fiancé?--would do?
You round the corner to what appears to be a bedroom and glance back at Kai. He hasn't said much, but he doesn't need to: he's looking at you so proudly and it makes your heart flutter. You push open the last door and oh, oh, oh. It's a big, beautiful bedroom--a master bedroom--with a large bed and an attached bathroom and the bed is made for two and the fluttering has dropped from your heart to your stomach and down below. You almost feel bold enough to ask Kai to cuddle right now.
His eyes crinkle and you imagine he’s smiling under the mask. Maybe he’s thinking about that, too. And more. 
You turn to leave, ready to explore the last few rooms--dare you hope for a laundry room so you can wash your own clothes?--and make a note to ask Kai for new curtains in the bedroom. Maybe sheer ones to go over the thick, light-blocking ones currently tightly shut together? Those can be shoved aside, opened during the day and some pretty sheer ones will provide a little privacy while letting in the daylight.
But something tugs at you. Something catches up with your eye. The bedroom curtains are shut tight. Just like the curtains in the kitchen. And the office. And the other rooms. Maybe for privacy. After all, you weren’t exactly moved in yet and you can’t imagine Kai wants anyone seeing inside your precious home.
You feel your stomach twist. What if, what if... No, that would be silly. Kai is staring and you give a flat smile. “Sorry, I was just wondering…” thinkthinkthink. “Is there somewhere we can put our books?”
“The living room is big enough for shelves.”
You bite your lip. Should you ask about the curtains…? He can sense you want to say something, you can see it in his eyes, that knowing look that says “(Y/N) is worried.” In a moment he’ll ask about the curtains, of course, and you can express your concerns and he’ll relieve them like he always does.
“Don’t worry,” he says, a chuckling lilt in his voice. Curtains-curtains-curtains. “I’ll have a chair in the office so you can still read with me while I work.”
Ah. Well.
You nod, slightly shaken. If he didn’t ask bout the curtains, okay, clearly there’s nothing wrong. You’re being silly. You’re silly, sometimes, about things like this.
You find yourself daydreaming while you walk, and you have to remind yourself to stay alert for Kai’s sake. You don’t want him to feel like you’re drifting again (even though you are--it’s a habit, one that’s hard to break). You imagine stocking bookshelves in the living room, curling up on a sofa in Kai’s office (old habits, again); organizing your own hobby room so it looks magazine perfect.
You think about making meals on the counter, wiping up oopsie-spills; there is a laundry room and the thought of washing your own clothes for the first time in years makes you forget about little details you don’t like, a meh shade of carpet, more too-dark curtains, a truly outdated wallpaper in the bathroom so ugly that even Kai laughs when you immediately ask if you’re allowed to paint. (You are. Just ask. And you’re wearing protective gear when you do it.) 
Your heart thuds when you walk by the staircase again on your way back to the beautiful open kitchen-dining-living room. One day one day one day.
When you make it back into the kitchen, Kai stops you. 
“What do you think?” He wants to know your opinion. He doesn't ask your opinion unless he actually wants it, since most of the time he knows what’s best for your needs, so you take this for what it is: an actual invitation to express yourself.
You take a breath and sigh and collect your thoughts before smiling. You’re almost beaming. “I really love it. It’s so…” You look around, as if you can’t believe it still, and part of you can’t. “Big. There’s so many rooms! And things to decorate,” you glance at him, and add, “I mean, if that’s okay. I was just thinking little things. Like the curtains. And decorations.”
Kai chuckles, short and low. “I don’t mind. I would rather you decorate. It’s not my thing.”
You pull on your bottom lip with your teeth because you’re so damn happy and what used to be a nervous gesture is now something you do when you get something you want.
“So,” you say, feeling giddy, words coming out quickly and with little thought, “the open space is so nice and pretty, so I want to get lots of light. I was thinking lighter curtains, well not just here but in the bedroom too.” You gesture towards the dark blue kitchen curtains. “Like these, maybe we can get light.. gauzy white ones, instead?”
“We could even put flowers in this window!” Without stopping, you quickly pace over to the kitchen window; out of the corner of your eye you see Kai start to move, see him look at you funny, but you are too lost in your thoughts of curtains and vases and light that you ignore it and throw open the dark curtains to let in the--
Concrete wall.
And that’s what you feel like. Like you’ve hit a concrete wall. Like someone has punched you in the stomach with concrete. Like you’ve swallowed it and suddenly it’s hard to breathe and things spin out and you hear Kai saying your name through cotton in your ears and it’s dark--
When you come out of your faint, you’re in his arms.
He's saying your name, you think. He's mouthing something and you can't quite hear, there's a steady roar that makes you dizzy and you almost close your eyes to go back to sleep when his hand taps your cheek.
"Wake up. Wake up now, there we are."
Tap tap tap.
The sensation is enough to forcibly drag you out of the clouds, out of the thick air your mind has been resting in. You blink and everything is confusing. What happened?
"You fainted when you opened the curtains," Kai says. And it all comes flooding back, too fast and too painful. The curtains. The window. No, the not-window. The concrete wall. You're not in a house, not a regular one. Are you even above ground? The thought of being underneath the Earth makes you feel heavy and stale and terrified.
"Why..." Your throat is tight and you clear it and lick your lips, then cringe. Kai hates it when you do that. But you're not as concerned about that right now, considering... the window. "Why can't I see outside?" Tell me, don't tell me, tell me, don't tell me. What if the answer is worse than the concrete wall, you think.
Kai's eyes narrow, just a little, and you know you said something silly. But he doesn't sound annoyed when he answers you, which is, at least, something.
"To keep you safe. It's not safe for you to live in some... ordinary house, (Y/N)."
You swallow, your throat hard and thick and prickling with emotion that wants to spring out. "But I want to live in an ordinary house." Your words are tight, practically a whisper. Thoughts of previous conversations spring to mind, promises, whispers, kisses. Where was your white picket fence and dog and neighbors and children and--
"(Y/N)." Ah, you were thinking too long again. Kai doesn't continue until your eyes are clear and you're looking at him. "You fainted when you opened the curtains. Do you really think you're ready to live out there, with the rest of the filthy world?"
It's... offensive. It hurts. You don't like to think about it, but you do hate it when he treats you like you're helpless. Weak. Pathetic. You feel your shoulders tighten defensively. "I can handle living in real house, Kai. You said we could, you said--"
"You get overwhelmed so easily, dearest.” He interrupts you, and you don't have the strength to interrupt him back. "What would happen if we did have neighbors?" I'd ask them over for dinner. "What if they didn't like something you did, and they yelled at you?" I'd uninvite them from our Christmas party. "What if they had some... large, nasty dog who tried to attack you or our children?"
"They wouldn't have--" you say, out loud, finally annoyed enough to spit out an interruption. But his last words freeze your tongue. Children? Our children? Does that mean, does he mean--
"We can--we're going to..." You can't finish, thoughts and images and emotions swirling around making it difficult to focus. Children, family. You and Kai. The king-sized bedroom. The empty upstairs, waiting to be filled.
Kai reaches out and begins to stroke your cheek. "Not... yet. Not until I've made more progress on my work."
You feel yourself instantly shrinking, deflating like a balloon stuck in the corner of a bedroom, forgotten after a party. Tears prick at your eyes and you don’t care if they come down or not. You focus on the feeling of his finger strokes and realize that he's taken off his gloves. Oh. He must have really been worried about you, then. The finger finally tucks itself under your chin and lifts up your sad, sad face.
"Do you think I moved you into a home with empty rooms for no reason?"
You bite your lip--nervous?--and shake your head. "No, Kai." He isn't wasteful like that.
"Do you think I am a good judge of what you can--and can't--handle?"
You nod your head. "Yes, Kai." He is--he is, he is. He's proven that enough. You shouldn't doubt him. What is wrong with you? He gives you a beautiful home, one that considers your needs, and you freak out because of a window not-window. You really are ungrateful, sometimes. You’re glad Kai never says it out loud, because it would hurt too much to hear it from his lips. 
He releases your chin and you maintain his gaze, but for once, he is the first one to look away. He takes on an odd expression that you can't place, but it makes you confused rather than nervous. It's new.
"(Y/N)... sometimes, even I doubt my capabilities. Will you be able to handle living here? With this--" he gestures towards the window, but you can't imagine looking at the grey slab in between the cheery white window frame and the dark curtains--"... limitation?" Your heart is hammering in your chest and his voice seems low and slow and imposing. "Should we go back to our old place?"
The feeling of concrete, hard and heavy and unforgiving, returns.
"No!" You reach forward, clasping Kai's ungloved hand with a tight squeeze. Your voice is breathless, shrieky. "I can--I can handle it!" And you look at it now, at the hateful concrete and everything it represents. "It's, it's okay. I can wait for the real house. I can wait. Let's wait."
He says nothing, and your stomach twists, but then he pulls you up to your feet in a quick, strong gesture. He puts his arms around you and squeezes and you sigh in relief. You won't lose your rooms and empty spaces and your staircase with its promises.
"You're my brave little thing, you know that, don't you?" You nod, sheepish now, and smile. Your stomach still has an edge of sourness, an edge of curdle, and you push it down down down where it belongs. You stare at the concrete and think about asking if you can paint it. Anything but grey is fine. Anything. And other things, too, might help it feel less... imposing.
"Kai?"
"Mm?"
“Can we still… get pretty curtains for the window?”
“Of course.”
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