#I have all my veggies cooked anyway but I just?? Never ate fruit?? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

vickyvicarious · 4 years ago

Note

Eliot sweet talking Nana into sharing her secret family recipes so he can get more vegetables into both Hardison and Parker.

I was just going to write a short headcanon post about this but then the first line popped into my mind along with a line about Eliot utilizing his retrieval skills, and then next thing I knew this was a fic. First in this fandom so go easy on me.

(AO3 link.)

The carrot cake was the final straw.

Eliot knew his partners had terrible diets, okay? It was impossible for anyone to miss that, the way Hardison would just fill up any empty space in any fridge with orange soda, or Parker would get more cereal than was physically possible to store in the cupboard until there was at least one box permanently sitting on the table. He was well aware, and he’d been taking steps for a while to deal with matters.

He bought Hardison a fridge of his own - a mini fridge - and just poured out any soda he found anywhere else. He impressed upon Parker that just this shelf was for cereal and solemnly swore to her that he would never let it get beyond half-empty before filling it again. In the meantime, he filled the rest of his kitchen with actual ingredients, and always had a bowl of fruit out so they would have something healthy as an easy-to-grab snack. He didn’t put anything Parker liked hidden on a high shelf, because she’d find that fun; just small decoy portions while he kept most of his chocolate inside an old Wheat Thins box at the back of the cracker shelf. Speaking of chips, if he opened the bag of a good brand, then Hardison would gravitate toward it once he’d finished his Cheetos instead of going out to buy more, so that was just a matter of letting him buy one bag and then watching the level and timing when to get the other stuff out.

They both ate meat well enough, though Hardison liked to put in requests for absolutely sacrilegious misuses of various cuts; when Eliot humored him and actually destroyed his fish or brisket or whatever else as requested, he actually did seem to enjoy it, which was... very wrong, and disappointing, but at least the food was still going in his body. Parker quite liked some types of pasta now, and she seemed to enjoy when he put effort into plating things up nicely, but she was still a work in progress on any actual mealtime like a family (or a date. Not that Eliot hadn’t had to eat on the run plenty of times before, but - he’d had to. You don’t walk in to a table set for multiple healthy, delicious, innovative courses he’d been cooking for hours and then just grab bites as you wander around the room! He’d had wine out! Norah Jones playing softly in the background! No candles because he wasn’t an idiot, but it was clearly a romantic meal! What the hell kind of untrained toddler behaviour-).

Breakfast was easy, since they both liked eggs and there were a lot of ways to go from there. Breakfast potatoes were a hit too, and bacon, and they’d even eat oatmeal if he smothered it in sugar so that was something. For lunch, Hardison at least appreciated a good sandwich. Granted, usually only a stolen one because he didn’t like to make any kind of food at all that didn’t come out of a plastic package with microwave instructions on the side (and that had been an argument for the ages, the microwave one. Frankly most things could be heated better on a pan or in an oven, and those that were meant for the microwave were usually mass-produced garbage Hardison really didn’t need in his diet, but he disagreed vehemently and in the end that was one battle Eliot had definitively lost), but once Eliot caught on, he just started making double whatever he ate. Parker scoffed at the idea of lunch, for some reason, claiming that a granola bar or a brownie would get her through till dinner, but if he packed a lunchbox to look interesting and then gave it to her, she’d usually eat it. He just stocked up on bento boxes and made various kinds of colorful and/or childish looking foods and they came back mostly empty so that was good enough.

(Hardison claimed to have gotten jealous about it. Eliot was pretty certain he was making fun of him, so obviously he said he’d be caught dead before packing a lunch for him. He was a grown man and could do it himself.

“She’s a grown woman!” he complained, pointing at Parker, who was sitting perched on the back of an armchair nibbling away at her kraken bento - black noodle limbs, gyoza face, and grabbing a little egg scuba diver. “Sh-she should have to - this is discrimination!”

“Stay away from my octopus,” she squinted menacingly. When Hardison just glared mulishly back, she hugged the food closer to her chest. “It’s not for you, this is my little dead man.”

She popped the egg into her mouth and chewed, never breaking eye contact.

He turned back to Eliot to complain some more, but apparently that was only an attempt to fake her out, because he tried to grab the gyoza barehanded and she screeched, flinging her chopsticks at his face before fleeing across the room. Noodles got everywhere, Hardison had two little round bruises on his cheek the next morning, and somehow Eliot wound up packing everyone lunches every morning after that, and putting notes on them to label who each one went to.

He did not put sappy notes instead the boxes. He wasn’t their parent, okay. The notes inside the lunch were only ever reminders they needed for the con, like Parker’s character’s peanut allergy and how she needed to have the attack exactly two minutes after the mark joined her at the break table, or for Hardison to lock Lucille II behind him because even if he could track down someone who took off in her, he really shouldn’t have to again.)

Anyway, Eliot had something of a system down at this point. It wasn’t perfect, but it was workable for the most part. The one exception was vegetables, which they both hated. He’d tried to hide them several times, but they often picked them out or he just couldn’t stand to puree broccoli into a little garnish/dip just because his girlfriend and boyfriend were both giant babies about actually eating them whole. He had to eat the food too, and he enjoyed himself some veggies like any sane person would. They ate the ones hidden in their lunches almost half of the time, and sometimes other varieties, so he tried not to focus on that too much. Baby steps, he thought. First regular meals at all, then vegetables later.

But the carrot cake.

That was just too much.

It was cake. It was covered in cream cheese frosting. Carrot cake wasn’t anything but decadent, at least not the way Eliot made it for Hardison’s birthday. It was sweet, had just the right texture from the roasted pecans, the perfect hint of cinnamon and ginger. Not a complicated dish by any means, but pretty well near perfect, in Eliot’s no goddamn need to be humble opinion.

Hardison scrunched up his nose.

“Oh,” he said, not accepting the large slice Eliot tried to give him. “Eliot, I’m hoping this is a joke and you have my Red Velvet in the fridge?”

Parker let him hand her the plate, ate a bite, spat it out, then just started eating straight frosting off all the sides.

Eliot could feel his hands twitching. He very carefully set down the knife.

“What’s wrong with my cake?” he asked. Gave them the benefit of the doubt, and tried a bite: delicious.

“I mean... it’s a carrot cake,” Hardison said delicately, as though Eliot had made some kind of mistake and he felt a little bad pointing it out to him.

“So?”

“Carrot, Eliot.”

“Cake, HARDISON.”

“I like the frosting,” Parker interjected, and Eliot glanced over to her. She’d moved on from her own plate and was just scraping fingerfuls of frosting directly off the top of the cake. His cake. His cake for Hardison’s birthday, his beautiful cake -

“Babe, we love you but you gotta know vegetables don’t have any place in a dessert, that’s just wrong. C’mon, you really didn’t make me something else? Really?”

“THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO?!” Eliot bellowed and stormed out of the apartment. He took the cake with him.

He brought it to Sophie and Nate, since they were in town and they weren’t insane like some people he knew.

“People you’ve, uh, chosen to dedicate the rest of your life to,” Nate pointed out around a mouthful. “I mean, you knew what they were like.”

“Oh, hush, Nate, don’t you get it? They’ve hurt Eliot’s feelings,” Sophie explained. She ate another bite, hummed approvingly, then waved her fork around to emphasize her words: “For Eliot, food is life. He wants them to lead long and healthy lives, he wants to live with them and show his love for them and keep them safe, and they just rejected that. It’s not all about the vegetables, y’know?”

Eliot was never sure whether he loved Sophie best or least of all.

“It’s definitely all about the vegetables,” he said, crossing his arms. The pair of them exchanged a look and then smiled at him warmly, like he’d just done something cute.

“Fine! Forget it,” he snarled, pushing himself roughly to his feet.

Behind him, Nate grunted the distinctive grunt of someone receiving a pointy elbow to the side, then cleared his throat.

“Okay, okay - wait! Wait, all right, I might have one idea.” When he turned back, Nate was rubbing thoughtfully at his chin. “You’ve tried featuring the veggies, right, and hiding them. I’m sure you’ve lectured them both to death about why they should be eating more vegetables, but that’s not going to work on them, is it, because there’s no connection there. Ad novitam is only going to get you so far, you need the, the personal touch, a little ad misericordiam if you will.”

“I am not telling them it makes me sad when they don’t eat their greens,” Eliot said firmly.

“But it does,” Sophie said lightly. She met his glare with a soft smile, and popped another bite of cake into her mouth.

“N- Well, no, obviously, but you’ve got to think it through, Eliot. Step away from the situation. How can you imbue the food itself with emotion? Not for you -” Nate spoke a little louder as Eliot started to answer, “you’re not our mark here. What kind of food, with vegetables, is going make them feel an emotional connection?”

Eliot subsided, frowning down at his own plate. That... was actually a pretty good point.

“Hm, my favorite is still that little restaurant in Paris, with the exquisite quiche. But, I suppose hard-scrambled eggs are a bit of a guilty pleasure,” Sophie mused. “Mum was never any good at cooking.”

“You too?” Nate turned to her. “Yeah, my dad could set water on fire. I remember eating from my meal plan at college - the cafeteria, mind you - thinking how good the food was in comparison.”

The solution clicked into place. (Of course it did, they’d practically hand-fed it to him.)

Eliot stood up and grabbed his coat.

“Oh, are you leaving, Eliot?” Sophie asked.

“Yeah,” he said, and turned back to smirk at them. “I’m gonna go steal Hardison’s childhood.”

Once upon a time, Eliot had been a retrieval specialist. You name it, he got it back. Sometimes it was actually a they or even a them, on occasion. He’d committed arson for a pair of scissors, had gathered up a scatted set of Fabergé eggs from seven different countries and two different mafias, had traveled more than once through airport security with a live frog in his pants. The business was a strange one, but he’d been the best at it. And in the years since he left, his life hadn’t exactly gotten less weird; Leverage saw to that.

Breaking into an old woman’s home and stealing a book of recipes would be easier than taking candy from a baby. Of course, Hardison made sure to keep his Nana safe, and from everything he’d heard she could certainly take care of herself, but still it wouldn’t be any great challenge for Eliot to just break in and take what he wanted. He could do it and leave without her ever knowing he’d even been there.

He rang the doorbell, and gave her his best smile when it swung open.

“Hello ma’am, I’m Eliot. Can I come in?”

(This was Hardison’s Nana, he’d never do wrong by her like that. Anyway, it wouldn’t even work. For this he needed her direct input.)

Nana was a short, soft-looking woman. Her hair was pushed back with a purple headband, and she wore loose comfortable pants and a clearly old t-shirt covered in child-sized paint handprints. She exuded a sort of maternal air that had Eliot relaxing into the visit almost despite himself. They’d only ever spoken on the phone, and he’d admittedly felt a little awkward about his plan due to that detail alone. He knew Hardison would love for them to meet her, but it just hadn’t happened yet - honestly, Eliot had been reluctant before, worried that she would find him wanting, and he’d always been relieved that no plans had crystallized into anything solid.

Certainly, despite welcoming him in and getting them all set up on the couch with home-made lemonades, it was clear she felt suspicious. A few minutes in, she dropped the small talk altogether to pin Eliot with a steely glare.

“I’m fairly certain Alec wanted to be here when we met so he could brag some more about how hot his partners are,” she said, making Eliot flush. “And I’m just as certain nothing has happened to him, or it wouldn’t be you here to tell me, so that just leaves me confused.”

She raised an eyebrow, letting him take his time responding.

He looked down at his lap. Ran a hand through his hair, feeling... not less confident that he’d get those recipes by the end of this visit, but certainly more bashful about it.

“Uh. Yes ma’am,” he said. Quickly corrected himself, remembering her insistence over the phone, “uh, Nana. See, he doesn’t actually... know I’m here...”

“I’d guessed as much,” she said wryly.

“Right. Um, I actually wanted to ask you something. There’s something I want to do for him - well, for them - but I need your help to do it right.”

She stared him down a moment longer. Then her eyes widened, and she sat back in her seat with a little gasp, hand over her heart.

“Oh, Eliot,” she said warmly, leaning forward again to grab his hand and hold it between hers, “Oh, sweet boy, of course he’ll say yes. You should hear the way he talks about you, Alec’s been head over heels for years. I may not have met Parker personally, but I’m sure she will too. You don’t have anything to worry about, trust me on that.”

“What?” he croaked. “I... w-what?”

His voice broke in his throat. He wanted to yank away but he felt frozen in place. He didn’t understand how she’d - okay, no, he could easily see how she would draw the wrong conclusions from this situation, but they were the wrong conclusions! He’d never even considered marriage since Aimee, let alone proposing to Parker and Hardison. It wasn’t like a three-way marriage was even legal, and even if it were he would never. It was too much - not too much commitment, he’d already promised the rest of his life to them both, but still too much, somehow. He’d never dare.

“I know Alec doesn’t think too much of the institution in general,” Nana said, waving a dismissive hand, “but if you do he’ll understand that. He might not need it but he won’t say no if you ask, hon. I can promise you that.”

Eliot meant to deny the very idea. Instead what came out of his mouth was a shaky:

“...Are you sure?”

Hardison’s Nana - his Nana too, she insisted, even after Eliot finally managed to clear up the misunderstanding - was truly a gem of a woman. He could see so much of who Hardison had turned out to be in her kindness, her cleverness, her sense of humor. She’d broken out the picture albums for him, and had even kindly let him keep one photo of a gaptoothed little Alec in a horrible bowl cut, grinning proudly and brandishing a blue ribbon next to his science project. To Eliot’s complete lack of surprise, he’d won every year with zero competition from his peers.

(He told her that he wanted the picture to make fun of Hardison with. It was true, but she still just patted him on the shoulder and told him to keep it. Didn’t say a word when he tucked it into his wallet with unnecessary care.)

They talked for a long time. She gave him a journal to copy directly from her personal recipe book, a lovely clothbound thing spattered with grease and burnt at one edge, smelling of spices and old paper; clearly well used. She told him it was passed down from her mother, who’d put in lots of her mother’s recipes. Eliot took notes as she talked him through every one. He had a good memory but he didn’t want to miss a thing, and her recipes as written were bare bones. He could cook a delicious meal from them easily enough, but it wouldn’t have her heart in it, not like what he wanted to make.

Just talking could only do so much, and eventually they found themselves in the kitchen, demonstrating techniques and favored spice blends. It was nice, just in and of itself. Eliot rarely got to talk shop with other cooks, and it had been a long time since he’d eaten anything home-made by someone else. Nana never went to school for this stuff, but clearly her long years of experience carried their own weight, because she knew what she was talking about.

It was late in the night by the time Eliot left her house, feeling himself flush to his ears as she kissed him on the cheek before waving until he’d driven away. And this after wrapping him up in a tight, warm hug just inside the front door.

“Alec’s done well for himself,” she said, and winked. “Now, next time I want you to bring that young lady of yours as well, you hear me? Make that a promise.”

“I will,” he said.

It was nearly three AM by the time he got home. Parker crashed out of the dark the second he stepped inside, clinging to him as he caught her midair.

“You made Hardison sad on his birthday,” she told him sternly, and headbutted him hard on the temple. As he winced, she pressed her nose down against his shoulder and took a long sniff. “You smell like lemons.”

“You made me sad on Hardison’s birthday,” Eliot sighed. “I mean, mad.”

“Doesn’t matter, you made him sad so I’m not sorry,” she said, and snuggled close.

Eliot carried her through the apartment, avoiding bumping into any furniture through the ease of experience, and into the bedroom. Hardison was sprawled across the mattress, fast asleep with a frown.

Setting Parker down, Eliot got undressed and climbed into the bed. He scooted behind Hardison, leaning up on an elbow to swipe a gentle thumb over the furrow between his brows. It came back, so he wiped at it again, and kissed Alec’s shoulder when he huffed a little and his face relaxed. Eliot kissed him one more time, then lay down behind him with an arm draped over his side.

Rather than going around the bed to the free space on Hardison’s other side, Parker crammed herself onto the mattress right behind Eliot, pushing him further into Hardison and determinedly spooning him.

He craned his neck up to look at her in the dark. She met his gaze solemnly and squeezed tighter, slipping a leg between his.

Eliot fell asleep warm, entangled in the two loves of his life.

He woke stinking hot, still entangled but a lot less happy about it. This happened every time he slept in the middle; he didn’t know why he kept letting it happen. Every single time he’d wake abruptly, heart thrumming in an instinctive alert to something wrong... Only to realize that something was just Parker drooling on his ear, or Hardison’s morning breath in his face, and (every time) both their limbs all wrapped up around him and each other in a very sweet, sweaty, and constricting mess.

The first few times he’d suffered through it, unwilling to wake them. Still basking in the fact that he was here, that he got to be a part of this. But Hardison slept like the dead, and Parker had the ability to wake up and go back to sleep pretty much indefinitely, so Eliot had no compunctions about shoving them aside anymore. He also knew that the other two were night owls who would happily sleep in to eight or even ten if left undisturbed. Eliot woke habitually at five regardless of how late he’d been up, maybe six at the latest; morning snuggles just really weren’t practical.

He wriggled free, clambering over Parker and catching her when the bed dipped and she nearly fell to the floor. Her eyes shot open, clocked him, then dropped shut as she went right back to sleep. He left them there and went to go take a shower, then wandered into the kitchen, grabbing up his new cookbook from his jacket pocket on the way.

Eliot was operating on only a couple hours of sleep; Nana didn’t exactly live next door, and he was frankly lucky he’d got out the cake relatively early in the afternoon, to be able to catch her awake at all. It wasn’t like he’d ruined Hardison’s whole birthday, just that last part they’d set aside for the three of them. They had already hung out with Nate and Sophie in the morning, and Hardison had a long phone call with Nana even before that. Parker had even given Hardison her present: a little statuette originally from a museum in Delhi if Eliot wasn’t mistaken. It was some god or something, but bore a striking resemblance to an Ewok, a detail she’d correctly guessed Hardison would love. He’d been planning on giving his present after the cake, at which point they were going to, on Hardison’s specific request, have a very normal and boring date at home. There had been a lot of jobs lately, so that must have tied into his desire for domesticity - that and ‘birthday rights’ to force them to watch all his nerd movies and lose at various video games.

They hadn’t planned anything for today either, so it wasn’t like those plans couldn’t still happen... And in fact yesterday hadn’t even been Hardison’s real birthday, just the replacement day they’d agreed to celebrate on when a con ran through the actual day. But in the cold light of day he felt a lot more stupid about taking a vegetable-related risk on Hardison’s cake, and then reacting stupidly when they didn’t like it. To be fair, he hadn’t considered it a risk at all, hadn’t even been thinking of his ongoing quest to feed them better so much as the fact that carrot cakes were good and he knew Hardison liked cream cheese frosting - but still. Sophie may have hit the nail on the head, but it was still a stupid and immature nail to let get in the way like he’d done.

He had to at least try to make it up to him.

Accordingly, the breakfast casserole Eliot put together was about as far removed from a healthy meal as any non-dessert in Nana’s cookbook. A baked blueberry French toast creation with lots of sugar, it actually was more of a dessert than anything else. It also took hours in the fridge, but that was alright; not the first time Eliot getting up so much earlier came in handy.

He took the time that it spent in the fridge to clean the apartment. He got out his gift to Hardison, swept and mopped and watered all the plants. Did some laundry, meditated a bit. Pretty much just puttered around for hours, steadily feeling worse and worse about his outburst the day before. Parker had been accepting if not forgiving, and didn’t need an explanation; Hardison might not feel the same. Eliot didn’t expect him to; he was the one clearly in the wrong. He really couldn’t regret the outcome of meeting Nana and getting her recipes, but it should have been on any other day.

He managed to time the casserole just to when the other two got up; just as Eliot pulled it from the oven, Parker wandered into the room.

“Ooh!” she said, and approached with a clear intent to stick her fingers directly into the hot food. Eliot intercepted her with a glare and a whap with his oven-mitt. She retaliated with a vicious pinch to the back of his hand and grabbed a blueberry off the top, tossing it into her mouth and wincing as she burnt herself chewing it.

“Quit that, it’s Hardison’s,” he told her.

“Hardison!” Parker yelled in what appeared to be terror, because of course she would. “I need your help right now!”

He came tumbling into the room, still only half-dressed and clumsily wielding Parker’s taser at the couch. When he saw only the two of them calmly watching him, he attempted to hide it behind his back.

“Oh hey, what’s up everyone,” he said nonchalantly. “Breakfast? Awesome. Smells like something Nana used to make.”

Parker went over and kissed him as she stole the taser out of his hand. She held it up in front of his face.

“Mine,” she scolded.

“Hey, I was ready to defend your life,” Hardison said, mock-offended. “What, you want me to run into an ambush empty-handed? Come on, baby, look who you’re talking to.”

“If you’d let Eliot teach you MMA like me then -”

“Then what, you’d use it as an excuse to choke me out again? I know what you’re after, I recognize that look in your eyes -”

“Hey, come’n eat.” Eliot put two full plates of breakfast casserole down on the island. He braced himself, ready for Hardison to keep giving him the silent treatment or outright call him out on his behavior.

It didn’t happen.

“Morning Eliot,” he said as he came over to grab a stool. He leaned across the island; when Eliot was too surprised to meet him halfway, he rolled his eyes and reached out a hand to grab his face and pull it close enough for a quick kiss. Then he plopped down into his seat, inhaling deeply at his food. “Oh man, this smells exactly like Nana’s Blueberry Thing, I loved that as a kid. How’d you know?”

Eliot slowly sank down from his tiptoes. His stomach hurt a little from being yanked up against the edge of the island, his lips still felt the impression of Hardison’s. He... really didn’t understand.

“Uh, Nana said you liked it best,” he replied a little too woodenly. Neither of his partners seemed to notice.

“You been talkin’ to her without me?” Hardison asked, before taking a bite and moaning. It wasn’t a sex moan - Eliot knew what those sounded like - but it was damn near. “Did you turn into her? What the hell, this is it, this is the Blueberry Thing!”

Parker was at her own plate the moment Eliot said Nana; she was always fascinated by any mention of the woman, and would probably taze him for meeting her first. Right now, she was digging into her own plate, eyes closed.

Eliot cut himself a serving too and sat down to eat with them. He felt tentative, somehow, embarrassed.

“Yeah,” he grunted. “Went to talk to her last night. Got some recipes.”

The food was good. Sweet, warm, filling; clearly a comfort meal. He dug in.

When he looked up, Parker and Hardison were both staring at him. She opened her mouth, paused, and then fell silent with a glance to Hardison. He was staring at Eliot, mouth open.

“What the hell, hon?”

Eliot clenched his jaw. He knew what he should say. He’d spent all morning prepping himself to say it.

“...You never opened my present,” he said instead.

Hardison squinted at him.

“Yeah, I wasn’t gonna without you there,” he said pointedly.

“Right, well, here,” Eliot said and shoved it his direction before going back to his food. He could feel them staring at him but didn’t lift his head, kept shoveling bite after bite into his mouth as he heard Hardison final tearing at the wrapping paper, grumbling incoherently to himself.

A moment later, the angry mumbles got louder when he opened the first box to reveal the second one.

By the time Hardison got down to the final layer, a small paper booklet six boxes in, Parker was snickering rudely and his muttering was about half swear-words. Eliot still didn’t look up, kept waiting until Hardison actually read the gift.

(He’d thought it would be funny, obviously. He’d thought it would be hilarious, to watch Hardison getting more and more irritated by the wrapping paper. And he knew the gift itself wasn’t anything much, but Eliot usually prided himself on being good at getting people things they didn’t know they wanted, or didn’t think they’d ever get. He knew it was childish and kind of stupid right from the jump, but money didn’t really mean too much to Hardison, and he was confident he’d love this.

After his behavior last night, he wasn’t so sure anymore. Immaturity took on a different tone right now.)

“‘Eliot Tickets,’“ he heard Hardison read off slowly, then - “no.”

He glanced up sharply, but it’d been a sound of delight. Hardison’s eyes were wide and he was flipping through the pages rapidly with an ever-widening grin.

“No nerd jokes for twenty-four hours, back massage, favorite food, favorite sex, get-out-of-scolding free, dessert for dinner, oh my god Comic-Con?! Get to play with your hair, get to pick your cover, computer lessons, videogames, sleeping in, what kind of goldmine is this -”

Parker leaned over his shoulder as he kept going, pointing out her favorites as they worked their way quickly through the rest of the little booklet. It wasn’t horrendously long, but long enough: one ticket for every year. Twenty-eight in all.

Twenty-nine, including the piece of paper Eliot had slipped in front of the last page at seven-thirty this morning, before carefully re-wrapping every box.

“‘One I’m sorry,’” Parker read out loud. She met Eliot’s eyes as she asked, “Are you gonna use it?”

Hardison hummed thoughtfully, then picked it up to reveal the last page.

“No, I’mma save this for just the right time,” he said, waving it in the air. He looked Eliot in the eye and smirked meaningfully. “You messed up, man, you didn’t put an expiration date on any of these.”

“Dammit,” Eliot grumbled, like he’d just realized.

(It hadn’t been a mistake.)

“Don’t need that right now anyway,” Hardison continued, tucking it back into the middle of the book. “This, on the other hand - this one I’m cashing in now.”

Eliot took the little piece of paper Hardison ripped free. He sighed.

“Really?”

“Hell yes, now get in here - and no complaining, them’s the rules you made your own self. You too, Parker, c’mere.”

Eliot stood up and rounded the island, halting with a sigh just before reaching Hardison, who stood to meet him. He ripped the coupon in half.

“All right, here goes.”

Tucking the pieces into his pocket, Eliot stepped forward into Hardison’s outstretched arms, tucking himself in close and hugging him back tightly. A moment later, he felt Parker collide with them both, one arm over his shoulders and a leg around his hips. He sighed again, this time into Hardison’s shoulder, and let himself sway when they did, a gentle rock back and forth.

He closed his eyes when they started to sting.

“Sorry,” he mumbled into Hardison’s shoulder after a long minute. “Shouldn’ta left.”

“That does not count, Eliot,” Hardison told him firmly, and didn’t let go. “I did not use my coupon, I still got my coupon, you aren’t getting out of anythin’ with that you hear me?”

Parker snickered behind him.

“Not getting out of anything at all,” she said, and squeezed tighter. “We’ve got you trapped.”

(The next time he fed them vegetables, it was a Nana recipe and Hardison ate without complaint. Parker ate because she wanted to know what it felt like to be a little Hardison, and proclaimed the experience ‘like one of my harnesses’ which was obviously a very positive review.

The next time he fed them vegetables and it wasn’t a Nana recipe, they exchanged a look and then each ate exactly half of their servings. The rest they snuck back onto Eliot’s plate one bite at a time like he wouldn’t notice. He let them get away with it and looked down at everyone’s empty plates afterward with a weird content feeling relaxing his shoulders.

The next time he saw Nana, her words on Hardison’s bragging proved embarrassingly correct. She and Parker got along like a house on fire, and if left alone too long would probably cause a house on fire, and Hardison just watched them with a giant grin like he didn’t see the danger. Nana asked Eliot if he’d considered what they talked about last time right in front of them both, proving beyond all doubt that she shared Hardison’s love of driving him goddamn crazy for fun.

The next carrot cake he made was for Sophie and Nate. He refused to call it a thank you, but she did and also asked him to make that little French quiche she’d talked about like she honestly expected “it had spinach, I think, something green anyway, it was very light, and some kind of unexpected spice too?” would be enough to go on. Nate was no help whatsoever.)

#leverage fic #leverage ff #leverage ot3 #hardison/parker/eliot #thiefsome #my fic #anonymous #replies #aah they are hard to write much as i love them

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se0kie · 5 years ago

Text

kimchi helps the heart heal– myg (m)

pairing: yoongi x reader

genre: angst, smut, lil dash of fluff

bestfriend!yoongi, unrequited love, f2l

this is for @ficswithluv‘s luv library project, do check out the other fics they are absolutely amazing and I had such a fun time with the other authors :)

warnings: angst, unhealthy eating habits, no eating d*sorders but reader is super careless about her diet so if it’s potentially triggering pls be careful!!, dirty talk, vanilla smut really, sliiiightly rough, little to no foreplay (yikes sorry) unprotected sex but reader is on contraception (wrap ur dingdongs)

summary: being dumped weeks before valentine’s day is not the best feeling. sulking and chocolates are the only obvious medication. but your best friend is set on fixing you up and showing you how much more you truly deserve. innocent kimchi jiggae dates or are there deeper feelings behind your and min yoongi’s weekly meals?

Life is pain. Love is a lie.

There’s no way in hell Rose loved Jack, that bitch just let her man drown. That’s what people do, pretend to love you and then throw you away like some used gum.

Man I hate Eunwoo.

I’m hungry. Should I order? When was the last time I ate something from other than out a takeout box?

These were just some of the thoughts running through your mind. You had just been dumped by your boyfriend and to say the least, you were not taking it well.

You were excited for your first Valentine’s day with an actual valentine, you had been looking at options of restaurants to go to when your then boyfriend Eunwoo abruptly let you know that he in fact did not want to stay together.

No explanations, no excuses, not even breakup sex. You were annoyed and shocked to the point that he left your house and you couldn’t get a single word out in protest.

You may not have been as upset about losing a boyfriend than you were at the fact that you couldn’t give him a piece of your mind, even angrier because yet again another romantic holiday would pass you by and you would be utterly alone.

Sad.

Pathetic and sad.

You didn’t know why you were so affected by the incident, it wasn’t like you were in love with Eunwoo, yeah sure he was cute, sure he had the body of an angel.

But the only reason you had even started dating him was because... well that didn’t matter right then.

You had fallen into a routine. Waking up at 1 in the afternoon, ordering some or the other greasy, unhealthy food from the large collections of takeout places in your neighbourhood, watching terrible romcoms and ignoring your friends.

They had made multiple attempts at trying to reach you and get you out of your hobbit hole but you tried your damnedest to not give in and suffice to say you had succeeded.

You were caught in one of your usual blank periods of contemplating what was so wrong with you that all your relationships failed, why you couldn’t just satisfy anyone you dated and what the hell would you order for dinner tonight?! You were leaning towards fried chicken and cheese when the bell rang and you were whisked out of your reverie.

You got up from your seat and peeked through the hole in the door.

Somebody was standing outside with bags and bags of groceries, to the point that you couldn’t see their face behind the brown paper bags they were carrying.

You opened the door and without waiting for a word from you the figure rushed into your home and then into your kitchen.

You let out a squeal of shock and followed the intruder, angry and ready to put your second grade karate lessons to the test. But before you could go ahead you heard the man speak, it was a voice you knew more than your own, your best friend since middle school Min Yoongi.

“What the hell Yoongi?! You can’t just barge into my house.” You were furious. Not really, cause it was your closest friend but still you were annoyed and you had been known to be a drama queen of sorts for all your life.

“No Y/N, don’t you ‘what the hell Yoongi’ me. What is wrong with you? Where have you even been?! D’you have any idea how worried we’ve been?! How worried I’ve been??! All I knew was that Eunwoo said something and then left.”

Yoongi was going off at you and all you could do was stand there and listen to him, after all you knew you were in the wrong, Yoongi was the one person you always stayed in touch with and not speaking to him for a whole week is a never before happened situation. You sighed as he continued with no sign of stopping, “I didn’t know if you were alive, if you died, what Eunwoo did. If he had abducted you and killed you? You’re not replying to your texts or taking any calls, I even emailed you! You have any idea how desperate someone is when they fucking email as a form of communication??!” He finally stopped to gasp for breath after his long ass speech, seeing as you at least had the decency to look sheepish he chose not to continue his tirade and you were grateful for it. Yoongi had a serious parentlike reaction to mistakes and you always felt like you were 5 again being chided by your mom.

Taking his silence as an opportunity you started, “Look I know I was wrong to ignore you but I just needed some time to myself okay? Eunwoo dumped me.”

Your voice was small and Yoongi felt the sudden need to wrap you in his arms and hold you for hours, comfort you and give you the love you needed. But he knew he shouldn’t test his boundaries so instead he made a little noise in his throat as if to brush away all the explanations he knew you were about to give. He chose to instead divert the topic and make the atmosphere lighthearted , “Whatever, we don’t need to talk about it right now. Anyways I know you’ve probably been eating shitty food and neglecting your health—” You were about to protest when Yoongi had cut you off. “Do not try to deny it Y/N I know you like the back of my hand”

He really did know you like the back of his hand.

He continued, “I’ve brought groceries, some veggies and fruits and I’m gonna make you dinner for the next few days okay?” You nodded in agreement. This wasn’t new for you. There had been times when you looked for comfort in unhealthy food and habits and your best friend had come to your rescue to nurture you back to normalcy, besides, Yoongi was an amazing cook and even you were getting tired of the greasy pizzas and pints of ice cream. You knew your body needed Yoongi’s cooking to recover from your junk food spree.

Not waiting for any further conversation, Yoongi went back to the kitchen and you could hear him rustling around pulling out ingredients for dinner. You went to see him and poked your head from the side of the doorway into the kitchen, exactly like you used to when your mom would cook dinner when you were a child. He was cutting pieces of chicken into little cubes and his face had the cutest little look of determination. You couldn’t help but coo internally at how sweet he was being. He was bobbing around soaking noodles in water and mixing sauces together, he looked so domestic and it suddenly hit you just how much he cared about you. Unlike anyone else ever had.

“What are you making for dinner?”

“Kimchi jiggae and chicken stir fry. Is that alright or do you want something else?” You hummed in agreement.

Your tastebuds salivated at the thought of it, Yoongi’s chicken stir fry was something you had been eating for years and it only tasted better each time you tried it.

You felt warmth flood at the sight of your friend taking care of you, “Hey Yoongi.”

“Yeah, Y/N?”

“Thanks for caring about me.” You said with a small smile.

Yoongi smiled with a little sigh. You knew it was enough reciprocation.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence though he chimed up, “Hey Y/N why don’t you go take a shower while I get dinner ready? You stink.”

You scoffed at his statement but you knew your hair was greasy and your body had been subjected to a whole week of sad eating. It was time to get your shit together. So you obediently went to take a much needed shower, letting the warm water roll over you and release the tension from your back and shoulders. You had lost count of how long you had been under the water when you noticed your fingers beginning to prune.

You got ready and left with restless steps towards the kitchen, which was now smelling deliciously of soy sauce and chicken. The dinner table had been laid with plates and heaps and heaps of delectable dishes. Kimchi jiggae, some japchae, chicken stir fry and rice. You sat down opposite Yoongi and mumbled a thank you before digging in.

Yoongi looked at you fondly as you ate. He hated when you retreated away from him during times you truly needed a friend, he always wanted to be there for you but it was hard when your first instinct was to isolate yourself and drown in junk food. He ate silently with you, chuckling every now and then at your squishy cheeks full with noodles.

After you were both done and the dirty dishes had been cleaned the two of you sat down on your couch, Yoongi insisting on having a talk that was long overdue. He sighed, “Tell me what happened between you and Eunwoo, Y/N.” You looked at him with wide eyes. It’s not like you would hide it from him but the truth is you were embarrassed of what had gone down. “Eunwoo dumped me. There’s not much to it. We were sitting on the couch having a normal evening when he just randomly tells me he doesn’t love me. That he couldn’t be with me knowing that our relationship would go nowhere.” You said with a sad smile. Its not like you were deep in love with him either, but you were excited about being with him. It was your first real relationship as an adult and you were looking forward to being cheesy and going on Valentine’s day dates. What a waste.

Yoongi gave a sigh of understanding, moving quickly to your side and wrapping his arms around your shoulder, pulling your back to his chest. He murmured into your ear, “Oh Y/N, you should’ve told me. I would’ve come over as soon as possible, you had to go through that all alone. Oh sweetie I’m so sorry. He’s an asshole.” You chuckled dryly, “Well I’m more disappointed about the fact that I’ll once again be alone on the wretched day. Can’t believe my one chance at Valentine’s day roses and chocolates is over.” Yoongi scoffed at your bluntness, “It’s okay I’ll be there with you on Valentine’s. Who needs relationships when you can have a best friend, right?” You nodded slowly at his words, basking in his familiar warmth.

You were grateful Yoongi had barged into your home, that he had taken the first step and extended his arms towards you. You needed him, you truly did... but you were just too scared to reach out.

It had been a solid week of Yoongi coming over to your home and spending the evenings with you, cooking dinner and then watching trashy movies together. Your house had been smelling deliciously all week, Yoongi had been thoroughly pampering you, with his food and attention, suffice to say your ego along with your stomach were well fed. You and your best friend had fallen into a weird rythm together. He would always show up to your house in the evenings, cook dinner that left you fantasizing about it well after it was eaten and watch movies with you that would obviously be ignored so that you could gossip like you used to when you were kids.

You could also feel yourself slowly slip into the feelings you had before you got with your ex. You had always had a massive crush on Yoongi. He was your senior in school who had taken you under his wing, the two outcasts of Daegu High, it had always been you and him. But you knew that your friendship and bond with Yoongi outweighed your otherwise romantic feelings and you learned to ignore them whenever you were around him, so every single waking moment.

You were getting carried away with your thoughts when you heard the usual ring of the doorbell, you got up from your seat at the couch and opened the door to a red cheeked Yoongi, walking into your home to escape the cold. Not wasting time on pleasantries, that’s just how you two were, he removed his coat and went to the kitchen that now felt more like his than yours.

“I was thinking we could have some steak tonight, huh Y/N? Feels like a steaks and potatoes kinda night, doesn’t it?”

You could hear Yoongi’s voice amidst the clanging of pots and pans, you replied, “Yeah I could go for steak. I have some really great wine too,” walking into the kitchen to show him your treasure, “I got it from Eunwoo’s friend when they came over for dinner this one time.”

You gazed at the dark sheen of the bottle. Eunwoo was useless but at least his friend was still helping you days after your breakup.

Yoongi nodded, “Yeah sure, as long as you don’t get a wine headache and beg me to massage your head.” You feigned annoyance, “Min Yoongi! How dare you?! You’re the one who gets wine headaches, not me. Do not accuse me of things I’m not guilty of.” Yoongi laughed at your antics, gummy smile on display. You could feel your heart skip a beat at the way his face glowed, it was a feeling you hadn’t felt in a very long time.

And just before you could turn on the full fangirl mode, Yoongi cleared his throat and said, “Help me with the potatoes now, we’ll get done faster if you put your ass to work Y/L/N.” You gave him a dirty look and set out to find the potatoes and peel them.

You found the ingredients you needed for the mashed potatoes and started peeling the skin off while observing your friend spearing the cuts of meat and rubbing them with seasoning. You had always admired how great he was with food, he never cooked for just anyone. You had to be special, someone who Yoongi truly cared about, for him to cook for you. And that’s why you loved it so much that he was always making you something or the other to eat and munch on. It seemed like you mattered to him, like you were someone worthwhile of knowing and being friends with. Surprisingly, it was a feeling you weren’t well acquainted with.

Not wanting to think about depressing things during such a sweet moment you instead chose to focus on how Yoongi caught his tongue between his teeth while handling the meat, how he peeled the garlic and seared the steaks in the oil. His face had a look of utter concentration and you were sent back to being 13 and making papier-mâché volcanoes for your eighth grade project with Yoongi. Some things never changed.

Having deemed you useless in the kitchen Yoongi banished you to the living room after you accidentally sprinkled sugar into the potatoes instead of salt, his exact words were “Y/N you are a hazard to our dinner, please leave and let me be.”

Not like you were hurt or anything, pssh.

You watched a show on Netflix while waiting for Yoongi to finish up which was thankfully not very long. You set the dinner table with the cutlery as he served the steaks and potatoes, a delicious smell wafting from your plates. You cut a piece of the meat, seared on the outside and perfectly pink in the middle. You moaned at the taste of the garlic and beef as it spread through your tastebuds.

Yoongi asked as he watched you, “You like it?”

“Mmhmm.” You could only hum as you savoured the flavours, an enthusiastic nod confirming your feelings. A small smile made its way to his face as he felt his ego swell at the blissed out look of appreciation on yours. The two of you ate in comfortable silence punctuated with mindless remarks here and there and random questions thrown in. It would have been awkward for anyone else, anyone else but you and Yoongi.

Yoongi swallowed his morsel before saying, “You know Y/N I never really liked Eunwoo. Ever since I met him I always had a bad feeling about him.”

You set down your fork at having finished your meal and asked, “Seriously? I didn’t know that I just thought you didn’t want to get too involved in our relationship.” You gave a sigh of realisation. This was news to you. Yoongi continued, “No, yeah I didn’t like him at all. He was always so shady, too nice to people’s faces I didn’t think he was genuine at all.”

“Wow, well you know I can understand. He was sort of an asshole. He was always nice to people but he rarely ever said nice things about them when they weren’t around.” You continued, “Guess I got lucky then, huh?” “Yes definitely. You’re too good for that snake.”

“But still it would’ve been nice to have him as my valentine. He might’ve been a reptile but he had a reaaaaally long–”

“Y/N!! Shut up! I don’t wanna know!!” he squealed.

You laughed at Yoongi’s horrified expression. It was so easy to rile him up you couldn’t resist it.

“Jeez loosen up grandpa. No, but really I hate being dumped, especially when the dumper is so ruthlessly gorgeous. Ugh.” You sighed. Life was cruel to you, it was decided, you were sure.

Another moment of silence ensued. You glanced at Yoongi and caught him already looking at you. Big brown eyes boring into yours. You were reminded of all the times you had sat across from him like this. You didn’t know what came over you but you found yourself suddenly saying, “Hey Yoongs, you wanna know a secret?” Yoongi hummed in response. A nod followed.

“I used to like you before I dated Eunwoo.”

A pin could have dropped and you would’ve heard it, it was that quiet. Yoongi just continued to look at you, a peculiar expression on his face that you couldn’t quite decipher. Something bordering on frustration and hesitance. “Oh...” All you could do was glance at him and your fingers on the table.

After a moment of mulling over it, he said, “Why are you telling me this? You’re not kidding, are you Y/N? Cause this would be a really cruel joke.”

“No! Of course not! I’m not messing around, I promise. I really don’t know why I said that I’m so sor—”

But before you could get another word out of your mouth his face smoothed over. “Thanks for the lovely evening Y/N but I think I need some time alone. I’ll see you tomorrow.” he said with a sad smile. He gathered his things from the seat beside him, and then he got up and left.

To tell the truth, you were not expecting to be greeted by Yoongi’s face at your door the next day. You thought you had messed up your friendship for good. Or at least for a few weeks. So suffice to say you were thoroughly surprised to see Yoongi once again barge into your house without an invite and carrying on preparing tteokbokki and samgyeopsal for dinner.

Silence reigned for minutes as you gathered enough courage to face him in the kitchen. You walked into the tiny space of the kitchen and leaned against the doorframe, waiting for him to speak his mind. You were just about to start when he cut you off and said, “I’m sorry for last night.”

“Oh- No it’s okay, Yoongi. I know it was a shoc-”

“No it’s really not okay Y/N. You just shared something with me and I obviously blew it out of proportion. I shouldn’t have walked out on you.” He looked at you he said this, sincerity gleaming off his face.

“It’s okay Yoongs, I wasn’t mad. In fact I should’ve kept it to myself.”

“No!” He said suddenly, cheeks reddening at the realisation that he was way too quick to correct you. Sheepishly, he continued, “I’m really glad you told me Y/N. Thank you.”

Although you didn’t entirely know why he was thanking you, you just went along with it. Not wanting to cause further awkwardness you left him as you usually did, bustling around looking for pots and pans while he entered his own little world right there.

Dinner had been amazing, as it always is when Yoongi was cooking. After polishing everything off your plates you and Yoongi were now watching Clueless on your laptop, huddled together to keep the chill out. Yoongi’s arm around your shoulder and yours latched across his waist.

To an outsider this would seem like an intimate position for a pair of ‘just friends’ to be in but you and Yoongi had always been like this. Affection and skinship weren’t things that were openly (or ever) shown to the both of you when you were children, so it only made sense that the two of you looked to the other as a source of comfort. You were never afraid of being your childish self in front of him. One time he had taken care of you when you were drunk off your ass and although you barely remember that night, Yoongi had made sure to tell you had puked on his new trench coat. If it were anyone else in the world you would be mortified, but it wasn’t anyone. It was your best bud Yoongi.

Not knowing how to deal with this intense nostalgia and appreciation you resorted to what you always did when you didn’t want to get too emotional.

Pillow fight!!!

You reached for the blue throw cushion to your right and smacked Yoongi square in his face. He blinked, registering what had just happened. And then in a split second he had ripped the pillow out of your clutch and thrown it behind him. His arms flew out to trap your wrists in one of his hands as he yelped, “Hey! What was that for? Usually you notify me before smacking me in the face.” You rolled your eyes at how cheesy he sounded, “I’m boorrrreed Yoongi!”

“Oh well are you still bored now?” He says as he hits your shoulder with the cushion he had apparently been hiding behind his back the entire time. You squealed at the sudden impact and grabbed a pillow of your own, face scrunched up at the soft blows that you were landing on his platinum blonde head.

While the both of you went at each other with all your might you had somehow ended up on top of Yoongi, hitting his chest with a too small cushion that you knew wouldn’t hurt him. Your legs had slotted around his waist and you were currently sat on his thighs. The warmth from his skin soaking into yours.

Limply the pillow you were holding fell out of your grasp as you and Yoongi breathed heavily, staring into each other’s eyes while trying to catch your breaths. Your eyes scanned his face, brown eyes boring into yours, lips soft but slightly chapped, tantalisingly red like cherries smeared upon them. You felt an overwhelming urge to just lean down and peck him.

Would he taste as sweet as he looked? Yoongi looked at you as you focused on his lips. Waiting with bated breaths to see if you would do what he ached for you to do. He had always been scared of being the one who approached you, the one who put his feelings out in the open for you to accept or reject. He had instead chosen to let you come to him if you felt similarly, he wanted you to be with him only if your heart said so and not because of any obligation you felt towards him. He wanted you heart, not your calculated decisions.

Right when he thought that maybe he was looking too much into it you bent your head down to his and captured his lips in yours.

You could taste Min Yoongi. Soft, slightly rough from the cold and sweet from his strawberry lip balm. You held your position for a few seconds, scared to move in fear of him not wanting it when you felt something below you. Something hard and poking into your shorts, definitely not the TV remote. Unexpected heat flooded through your stomach at the thought of what you had done to Yoongi. Surely this was your doing, you could feel Yoongi starting to kiss you back when he stopped abruptly. A soft “fucking hell” leaving his lips as his gaze flicked downwards to where your core sat upon his. His eyes flew back to yours, strangely apologetic. If only he knew that you frequently dreamt of being in this exact position.

But the last thing you want is for Yoongi to feel uncomfortable around you so like the good, responsible best friend you are you unmount from his lap and put some safe distance between your bodies.

“Yoongi I am so sorry.” you say softly.

Confusion paints his face, “What? Why are you apologizing?”

“I don’t know what came over me, I should not have done that. I’m sorry if I made you feel uncom-”

“Y/N fucking stop apologising for a second.”

You clearly looked shocked at this point you were sure of it, you were expecting the sudden change in tone. “Fine, I just...it wasn’t my intention to come at you without any warnings. Let’s just pretend that didn’t happen.”

Yoongi scoffed internally at your words, what the hell were you saying? Did you not want to kiss him? Or were you worried about what he would think of you? Because he sure as hell did not want to forget about it, it being something he had spent hours fantasizing about. Yoongi felt sudden irritation fill him, you were still rambling about how you weren’t thinking clearly and it was a mistake. All of which was just contributing further to Yoongi’s annoyance.

“Y/N I think I should leave. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He said simply as he picked up his coat and gave you an unexpected kiss on the forehead. A simple brush of his lips against your skin and you knew you had fucked up. You should’ve just stayed shut and let him speak about whatever he was obviously wanting to say.

Once again you cursed yourself for your inability to read people’s emotions. The last thing you had wanted was to make Yoongi feel uncomfortable but you had failed to consider the fact that maybe he had wanted to kiss you too. As you heard his footsteps slowly die down into the hallway outside your apartment you let out a groan of frustration at your own thickheadedness and burried your face into the blue pillow in your lap. What were you gonna do with all these damned emotions?

You woke up bright and early the next day, your mood significantly better than it had been the past month. And then you were rudely met with memories of the previous night. Everything flashed past you as you recalled kissing your best friend and the ugly debacle that followed after. You were about to dwell on your stupidity and how naive you had been to think that maybe, just maybe, your friend of more than a decade would somehow return your feelings when your phone rang. You scrambled to find the gadget which had been lodged under your pillow and checked the caller id. It was your colleague Irene. She never really called, preferring to talk over text so you assumed it must be important. Busy conversing with your friend you missed the familiar jangling of the keys at your front door as you made your way into the kitchen to prepare your ritualistic morning cup of coffee.

Unbeknownst to you Yoongi had slipped into your living room, depositing the bags of grocery on the table. He could you hear you giggling in the kitchen and just faintly made out the words you were saying.

“I can’t come Irene, I have...plans.”

A pause, he assumed said Irene was speaking. His brows furrowed as he took in what you had said. Who could you possibly have plans with on Valentine’s? Unless you had struck up a date and hadn’t told him. His heart ached, totally unnecessarily but he was used to it by now.

“I would love to get piss drunk on Valentine’s Irene, trust me, but I have plans with someone and I really can’t ditch.” Another pause and then you were saying, “I mean I don’t really know if it’s a date? We haven’t discussed it yet. But enough about me, you go and have loads of fun for me, okay? I’ll talk to you later, buh-bye!”

He stood near the door, not having moved an inch since he entered.

You were absolutely not prepared to be greeted by Yoongi’s figure as you left the kitchen. You let out a yelp of shock at seeing him. “AGH!! Yoongi?! What the hell? You have got to stop entering my house without a warning, you scared me half to death.”

“Oh stop being so dramatic Y/N I told you I’d come over for breakfast today. And since I know you’re such an early bird I just let myself in instead of waking you up.”

“Oh. Right, of course.”

After a moment of contemplation you said, “Listen Yoongs, should we, y’know, talk about last night?”

You noticed his eyes widen for a split second and then a mask of composure, smooth and swift, so Yoongi.

“Let’s not. We can discuss it after breakfast, sound okay?”

You hummed in agreement, nodding at his statement.

The both of you stood in the silence. When had things become so awkward between you?

“Hey Y/N?”

You looked at him, telling him to go on.

“I couldn’t help but overhear and uh...are you planning something for Valentine’s Day?”

“Uhh, yes. Duh. You promised to spend it with me, remember?”

Yoongi felt the blood rush to his cheeks, face reddening at the implication of your words. And then those familiar twinges of pain puledl at his heart. He couldn’t bear to keep doing this. Falling back and forth into these weird spaces of loving you and hoping to be with you and then turning back into the mature best friend.

“Y/N I don’t think I can spend Valentine’s with you.”

Your face an image of confusion at his words, “What? Why? Did something happen?” As a new theory dawned on you, “Oh my god, is this about last night? I’m sorry, I really am I shouldn-“

“No! It’s not about that. I just...”

“You just what?”

“I have a date that night. I came to tell you that over breakfast.”

“Bullshit.”

Yoongi’s face easily gave away his lie, he may know you better than yourself but you knew him too. He would never keep something like a date a secret from you.

“Tell me really why you won’t spend Valentine’s with me. It’s about the kiss, isn’t it? See, I knew it, I really am sorry Yoongi. Don’t shut me out because of that I promise it won’t happen ever agai-“

“Damnit Y/N! It’s not about the fucking kiss okay! I loved it. I loved kissing you and that’s exactly where the problem lies. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep pretending like I don’t love you. I can’t act like maybe, just fucking maybe you want me the same way I want you. So I’m sorry but I can’t spend that damned day with you, Y/N. It kills me to hurt you like this but I need to do this for myself.”

You were speechless. Words rushing through your mind but none settling on your lips. You really needed to practice how to control your mouth when you were shocked, so many troubles could have been prevented if you’d just. fucking. say something.

But of course, fate would have Yoongi walking out on you. Something that he had been doing increasingly since the past few days. And you, dumbstruck, standing in your living room. Mixed feelings of joy, confusion and sadness rendering you voiceless as you stood and watched your best friend, your childhood crush and the person you loved the most step out of the threshold with faint, glistening tears in his eyes.

It had been three days since Yoongi’s outburst/confession. You had texted him non stop, called him at least 50 times and yes, even emailed him. You were that desperate.

But Yoongi was surprisingly resilient, he had ignored all your advances and completely shut you out. You felt stupid and frustrated and stupid yet again, after a point you lost count of how many times you had kicked yourself for being a brainless jellyfish while your first love walked out on you. After confessing that he loved you too.

Your life was like the worst romcom with all the comedy and none of the romance.

You sighed, once again forgetting how many times you’d repeated that action.

Finally after a somewhat convincing pep talk (it wasn’t convincing nor a talk, you had watched Marley & Me and cried thrice and then decided to just fuck it all and go for your crush, but let’s pretend it was a pep talk) you decided to take your chances approaching Yoongi.

You threw on your most flattering sweatshirt and pyjamas and speed walked to the corner take out store that sold your favourite pork ribs and fried rice, placed your order and then thrummed your fingers agitatedly against the counter for the agonising time period of ten whole minutes.

Take out bags in hand you were feeling quite like the prince in a fairytale out on an adventure to woo his princess. Except you weren’t a prince and the only adventure at your hands was finding a damned taxi ready to take you to Gangnam on freaking Valentine’s evening. Yoongi did fit the part of the brooding young maiden sulking in her tower. Oh gosh you were rambling to yourself, the nerves had truly gotten to you.

Finally a cabbie decided to take you to Yoongi’s neighbourhood, surely alarmed at your expression that looked dangerously close to tears.

You tapped your feet inside the taxi, driving the man in the front seat to madness while he drove you to your soon-to-be beloved’s skyscraper apartment. As you reached your destination you shoved a few bills into the driver’s outstretched hand. You rode up the elevator to Yoongi’s flat and hoped with all your heart that he would be home. If you knew your best friend, and you thought you really did, he would be wearing his brown pyjamas binge watching Friends.

You quickly reached his door and sure enough, you could hear the faint shouts of Ross claiming ‘they were on a break!!’

You smiled to yourself, and rang the bell. Feeling a strange sense of deja vu, you realised that you were in the same position as Yoongi had been in the past few weeks. Bags in hand, ringing the doorbell to the other’s house in an attempt to reach out after days of no communication.

With horror setting in you thought, what if he didn’t open the door for you at all? What if he was mad beyond repair and you would be left out there in his hallway as he completely ignored you even after you’d shown up at his front door? You were once again, dangerously close to tears when the door flew open, revealing a suspiciously red-faced red-eyed Yoongi. Had he been crying? You felt your heart crush at the thought. You wanted to wrap your arms around him and hold him close and never leave his side.

But first, explanations.

“Hey Yoongs.”

“Hi Y/N.”

You were expecting him to say something, anything. Scream, shout, ask you why you were here. You were completely unprepared for the silence.

“Uh...can I come in? If you don’t mind?”

“Oh yeah, sure come in.”

He stepped aside to let you into his oddly familiar apartment. You had spent countless days and nights here. It had been way too long since you’d visited you realised as you took in the new furniture arrangement.

“I brought pork ribs.” you said with a weak smile as you raised the now cold bag of take out.

“Thanks. Just put it on the counter.”

You did as he said and sat down on the stool opposing the couch.

You started as he sat facing you on the white couch, “I think we need to talk.”

Yoongi chuckled drily, “Yeah I’d say so.”

“You said your piece, but I didn’t really get a chance to say mine. Is it okay if I speak?”

“Listen Y/N you don’t have to coddle me okay? Just say you don’t like me like that and go, don’t dig at the already salted wound I’m jus-“

“Yoongi shut up for a second, please.” you said firmly, you needed him to just shut up and listen for once.

“You’ve been doing a whole lot of walking out on me, right now I need you to just listen to me, okay?”

Yoongi pursed his lips, and after a few seconds nodded, gesturing at you to continue.

“I’ve liked you ever since we got stuck together as outcasts in high school. I’ve liked you since the first time you got into a fight for me, since you started taking care of me and cooking meals for me. I’m so, so deeply sorry I couldn’t say this to you before. I was so afraid of losing your friendship I just couldn’t bring myself to confess.” You could feel fresh tears sting at your eyes, your gaze trained at your fingers that laid in your lap. Briefly you panned your eyes to Yoongi’s face and you were sure his expression was mirroring yours. With a renewed breath of determination you continued, “But i’m not going to sit by and watch you slip through my fingers anymore. I like you, Yoongi. I like you and love you and want you. So much so that it hurts from the sheer need to have you around me. The only reason I could even think about dating Eunwoo was because I was afraid I couldn’t keep up the facade anymore. I love you and I’m all yours, if you’ll have me.”

You breathed, trying to control your uneven heart rate. The muscle pumping like crazy in your chest you were scared he could hear it.

And just like that Yoongi was getting up from his seat and wrapping his arms around your shoulders, his face buried in your hair as you clung to his figure and hid your face in the crook of his neck. He spoke with his voice muffled by your hair, “You won’t believe how relieved I am to hear you say that, my love. I love you, Y/N. I love you, I love you, I love you so so much.”

“I love you too, Yoongs.” you murmured into his neck. It felt good to say that, as if the invisible weight you’d been carrying for years as unrequited love had just been lifted.

The two of you stayed like that for minutes, hours, you don’t even know.

But now Yoongi had brought his face down to your neck, nuzzling it with his nose and pecking the sensitive spot at the base of your throat.

You could feel the change in the atmosphere, the air charged with electricity, heat flooding your body as the man in your arms sucked bruises onto the smooth skin of your neck and collarbones.

“Let’s go to my bedroom.” Yoongi rasped, voice husky with need.

You stumbled your way to his room, not wanting to take your hands off each other, Yoongi tearing at your clothes trying to undress you.

You broke away for a second and a whine left his lips in annoyance, you giggled at how needy he sounded. Taking off your top and pants you settled into the fluffy blankets of Yoongi’s bed as he hovered over you. Apparently Yoongi was more dominant than you had thought him to be. He continued lapping at your neck, butterfly kisses at your jaw and rough hands on your hips.

“I’m gonna mark you up, gonna let everyone know you’re mine. You’re mine, aren’t you, angel?” He kissed you again but this time it was with more force and urgency. As if he was afraid of you being a hologram, afraid that you would disappear if he didn’t hold on tight enough.

“Yes, only yours Yoongi.” you gasped as he nipped at the spot below your ear. You felt wetness gush through your sex as his rough, calloused fingers swiped at your slit. Prodding at your leaking hole and giving an experimental rub at your swollen clit. A moan ripped through your throat at the feeling. You had been deprived of sex for way too long, along with your heightened emotions at being with the one you loved you were wetter than you’d ever been.

And Yoongi knew this. “How are you so wet, angel?” he marvelled at the copious amounts of slick you were producing, his cock standing tall with pride knowing he had done this to you. “Yoongi please, I can’t wait anymore please fuck me.” you pleaded.

“Tsk-tsk Y/N. I need to prepare you first baby, I don’t wanna hurt you.”

“I’m wet enough Yoongi please, I need you so so badly please.” You were sure you looked close to tears, Yoongi looking at you with equal amounts awe, adoration and lust.

“Are you sure, sweetheart? I really wanted to taste you before fucking you.”

“We can do that anytime else Yoongi please, please fuck me please!” you would’ve been embarrassed at how whiney you sounded any other time but right then you felt like you would die if another second passed and Yoongi wasn’t stuffed balls deep in your sopping cunt.

“Okay fine, angel lemme just grab the condom.”

“I’m clean, and on birth control. You can cum inside me but just fuck me please, I’m gonna die if I don’t feel you inside me!”

Yoongi groaned at your words, “Fuck, Y/N you’re gonna be the death of me. You’re talking like such a cumslut wanting me to fuck my cum inside you. You want my cum, don’t you?”

“Yes, yes Yoongi I do, please I want your cum so bad.”

“Well what my baby wants,” he says as he lines his cockhead against your cunt, “My baby gets.” He thrusts into you with unimaginable vigour, you feel stuffed and oh so full. Every ridge of his perfect cock pressing into the walls of your pussy. You wrap your legs around his waist and dig your heels into his plush ass. “Yoongi please move.”

He pulls out of you all the way until only his tip rests inside your cunt and then slams back in with an animalistic growl. “You look so beautiful, my perfect little angel, my babygirl.”

You clench around his cock at the nicknames he showers upon you. He pulls out all the way to the tip and thrusts into you again with a jolt, sending you both slamming against the pillows. He does it once, twice, thrice and then you’ve lost count, forgotten your name and who you are as only one names lies on your tongue. Yoongi.

“I’m close Y/N, I want you to cum with me baby, come on angel.”

His hand reaches down between your conjoined bodies to where your clit meets his pubic bone as he thrusts mercilessly into you. Fingers rubbing furious circles against your clit, the squelching sounds of your juices making the scene even more perverse. And with a final thrust you’re cumming with a loud scream of his name as you feel spurt after spurt of hot cum rush deep inside your belly. You pant together as his cock softens inside you and his thick cum leaks out of your battered pussy.

But that can be overlooked for now because you’re in love and together and his arms feel like home when they pull you close to his chest.

You are at the brink of falling into deathlike sleep when you hear his soft voice flow to your ears, “This isn’t a dream, is it Y/N? You’ll be here in the morning, won’t you? Promise me you’ll be here.”

Your chest tightens at how unsure and meek he sounds, wanting to speak a thousand words and kiss him a hundred different ways to show him that you’re real. But in your tired state you settle for kissing the arm that’s around your chest and saying, “You can’t get rid of me even if you tried Min Yoongi. I love you. Now go to sleep and you’ll find me in the morning right here. In your arms.”

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tuellertrails · 4 years ago

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We’re 3 weeks into our hike so far, here are a few things I have learned

- Wake up EARLY in the desert. Because it will get hotter than hell and you will die of heatstroke if you hike in the heat of the day.

- Take your shoes (foot prisons) off at every opportunity. Your feet will thank you

- The higher you go in elevation, the harder the hiking is, the less hot it becomes and the more beautiful the scenery is. The desert has its own kind of beauty, but being in an alpine environment with lots of trees and the smell of sun warmed pine needles is my favorite place to be (besides a comfortable bed watching TV and eating snacks, of course). We’ve had several days of hiking where we’ve done over 5k feet of elevation, and I find that I am particularly prone to swearing and exhaustion on those days 😂. But the incredible views do make up for it somewhat! It’s all part of the experience.

- Ibuprofen (Vitamin I) and Benadryl are a hikers best friend.

- Pack out fresh food whenever you can. Vegetables and fruit have never tasted so good.

- Kindness is EVERYWHERE. We’ve received food, cold drinks, rides, camp chairs to sit in and many other kindnesses from trail angels, other hikers, family members and random people. Everything is appreciated.

Speaking of kindness, we spent several hours one day waiting out the heat of the day in a small hut next to the wind farm made for hot, suffering PCT hikers, with a cooler of cold water for us to enjoy. It was 95* even in the shade 🥵. We did not leave early enough that day, but it gave me the chance to wait out the heat and look at my phone 😂.

Here’s some highlights/points of interest from the last 100+ miles

- We heard a great story from Trail Angel who gave us a ride out of Julian, who heard it from a different hiker that she gave a ride to. So the hiker was hiking down the trail (early on, around mile 15) when he hears a voice say "hello". He looks down and sees a guy laying in the bushes in a sleeping bag with mud on his face. "Oh, uh... hello" the hiker says. The man responds "Would you like to be blessed with magic sand?" And holds up a pile of sand in his hand. The guy wasn't sure if this dude was on drugs, was going to throw the sand in his face or what, and he's contemplating how to side step this very weird man when the dude stands up and reveals that he is completely naked and says "You should really use mud. It makes the best sunscreen". Glad that it wasn’t me, poor guy.

- We went through a small town in Warner Springs who had a gas station and some picnic tables, so basically a hiker haven. We spent a couple of hours eating gas station food, and I gave another hiker a shot in the butt 😂. Nursing skills always coming in handy out here. Landon consistently says that the gas station hot dog was one of the highlights of the trail.

- My feet are MUCH better than they were. Getting inserts and some foot compression socks were a game changer for me. I now can walk many more miles without having to stop so often to roll out the golf balls on my feet. Despite this, hiking is still hard and we still find new soreness, aches and pains every day. But I do think that we are toughening up and able to do more miles than we did the first week. My blisters are mostly hardened now, and we have done as many as 18 miles in a day at this point.

- Water can be very scarce, and you have to plan out your water carries very carefully. One water source in this last stretch was a big water tank a few hundred feet from “Mikes Place”. Mikes Place is near the trail and has a big water cistern for hikers to go and get water, but they also let hikers camp and party there and sometimes feed them. There were some comments on Guthooks (the hiking navigation app we use) about how Mikes Place was kind of sketchy and borderline sexist, but we went down there with our hiker friends Sarah and Clyde, hoping for some food. Mikes place was interesting to say the least. It was a run down one story house that looked rather shabbily built, with a blanket as a wall in one section. It’s in a few acres of property, and there are all sorts of random things in front of the house. An assortment of stools and chairs, some lawn games like croquet and darts, a fire pit, a few coolers, and then even more random things like a sword stuck in a stone (a replica like in the movie). There was also an old painted car on one end, a shabby outdoor kitchen with a pizza oven and a greasy grill and lots of bowls and plates and utensils, and lots of other items spread out across the property. It seemed a little hoarder-y to us. They had Johnny cash playing in the background which kind of fit the vibe of the place. There were a few hikers there eating already, and a more stout gentleman wearing a t shirt, shorts and flip flops whose name was Scott. He said that there was no food left but that we could cook our own if we wanted, and we were like "ummm, sure?"  So he brought out the ingredients for breakfast burritos and we got to cracking eggs and slicing veggies and fired up the very greasy outdoor grill, and within about 15 minutes we were eating breakfast burritos. Scott was a little weird. He would pop in and out of where we were cooking and then disappear again, I guess he was nice enough but he just gave off a bit of a weird vibe. Apparently Mike lives in San Diego and Scott is a caretaker of his place for now, along with another guy named Spirit who we met a little later as we ate. He was a older guy, with long white hair in a ponytail and beard, wearing a dirty green zip hoodie with what looked to be a hand painted "VVR" on it, jeans and chacos. He chatted with us briefly, he is a hiker who has hiked the John Muir Trail every year since 2014 and then decided to go work at VVR, a resort in the Sierras, after visiting it so many times. He said he was headed up there in a few weeks. Anyways, we are our burritos, washed our plates, said thank you and left to go filter water from the tank up above, leaving some money in the donation box as a thank you. The food was good but I definitely wouldn't have felt comfortable being there by myself, Mike’s Place was a little...dirt baggy, but I’m glad I got to experience it all the same. Apparently Scott is hiking now, and showed up at the campground in Idyllwild a few days later, drunk as a skunk and vomited all over 😂.

- We’re 10% done with the trail! Which really puts into perspective how long this hike actually is 😂. We had heard that our trail legs would start to come in after 3 weeks, but both Landon and I agree that we’re still quite sore and wake up with different aches and pains every day. We are definitely running a major calorie deficit at this point, burning upwards of 4K calories per day, burning much more than we are eating. This is ok with us, as we could both lose 30 Lbs or more and still be in a healthy weight range! Our friend Jamie, who hiked the trail years ago with her husband, says that we are losing our “town fat”. But we both agree that our clothes are feeling a bit looser than they were before. Who knew that 3 weeks of near continuous intense exercise would do that? We are slowly getting more fit, so hopefully those trail legs will come in soon here in the next few weeks.

- Remember the girl I talked about in our last post a few weeks ago, who woke up our friend at 5 AM and told him that she had no pants? Well, he came across her again a few days ago. She was topless, sitting in a stream in her underwear, playing a ukelele. And much to his chagrin, she remembered him! 😂 Not exactly a meet cute.

- Though there are definitely some eccentric people out here, 95% of the hikers and people we meet are wonderful. We have met the most incredible people as we hike, and are grateful to have made some good friends. They say that trauma bonds you, and all of the hikers have similar trauma out on trail 😂. We all know how hard this is, how beautiful, and have experienced first hand the heavy packs we carry after filling up our food and water, and the different aches and pains that accompany hiking day after day. Ive seen some pretty gnarly feet 🦶among the hikers out here, covered in blisters and cuts, with blackened toenails and foot fungus. Our feet are constantly getting beaten up! I’m glad to know that it isn’t just us experiencing the aches and pains. Ive always been a bit of a social butterfly, and after a year of isolation due to the Covid pandemic, the extrovert in me is absolutely loving the social aspect of our hike.

We will be getting off trail for four days this next weekend to go to a family wedding and sadly, a funeral as well. We were saddened to hear that Landon’s Grandfather has passed away, after suffering from Alzheimer’s for many years in the last years of his life. I never knew him before the Alzheimer’s had affected him, but I was told that he was smart as a whip, very funny, and a great story teller. Landon has fond memories of his grandfather, going on family trips and hearing his many stories. Even after the disease progression, Arlin was a very sweet and gentle man who was happy to give you a hug and listen to you talk, even if he didn’t quite remember who you were. We feel very lucky to have been able to spend some time with him and with Landon’s Grandmother the week before the trail, and he will be greatly missed by all. We are looking forward to getting off trail for a few days to reunite with our family to both celebrate and mourn together.

Thanks to everyone for the love and support in our PCT journey so far, this has been the most incredible experience of our lives so far and we’re grateful for every second, no matter how tough, of this great adventure.

- The Tueller’s

#pct #pct2021 #pctclassof2021 #tuellertrails #hikertrash

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hadestownmodern · 5 years ago

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Whole Foods and Grilled Cheese

You got Eurydice and Persephone at Costco. Here is the prelude to that: Orpheus and Hades at Whole Foods. This was such a wild thing to write and I hope it brings someone a bit of a smile in these hard times. -A

The bustling of the grocery store was not a welcome sight to Orpheus who had not expected the action filled morning when he called his uncle the previous night.

“She’s been staying a lot..”

“Orpheus, I don’t want to know about your late night antics with that girl-”

“No no thats not- I’m not trying to talk about that!” Orpheus stuttered though he knew his blush was not evidence through the telephone. “She doesn’t eat well and she works so much- I wanted to try to make her some things.”

“Make her some things?”

“I want to learn to cook. Can you help me?”

“....” Silence, so Hades could hide the slight pride in his voice. “I’ll be there in the morning.”

The 8 a.m. knock on his apartment door, with his uncle demanding to get going for a ‘long day ahead’ had not been what he was anticipating when he rolled out of bed scrambling for pajama pants.

The morning was nothing short of exhausting. Hades dragging Orpheus through the busy streets to a high end department store and making a beeline for the kitchen department. A long lecture on different pots, pans, and cooking utensils ended with Hades buying ‘one of everything’ and having it promptly delivered to Orpheus apartment so they could continue on their day.

By afternoon, after Hades spent a small fortune to equip Orpheus with “the best of the best” for cooking, he would not relax on the ride to the local Whole Foods.

“Amma says you should buy from Farmer’s markets…” Orpheus had commented, between drinks of a free sample smoothie that was a rather unsettling shade of green.

Hades tried to hold back the sharp retort, biting his tongue and gesturing Orpheus forward in the store. “You can go to the farmers market once you have pantry staples, Orpheus. But you need a solid base. Spices, rice, pastas, flour.. Spices especially. Eventually you can make most of it yourself. You can make broth and pasta but for now, we’re starting easy. You need a solid start. A pasta dish, a chicken dish, some sort of eggs.. We’ll get to soup later. We’ll cover steak next week.”

“Next week?” Orpheus squeaks, eyes wide at the assortment of fruits and vegetables around him. His fingers lingered on star fruit a few extra moments before Hades deep voice pulled him out of his reverie.

“Yes, Next Week, do you want to impress the girl or not?” Hades is perusing a meat case, conversing with the butcher in words Orpheus cannot comprehend, taking brown paper wrapped packages and placing them in the cart. “We’ll start easy today. Scrambled eggs. Maybe a nice red sauce. Simple things…. What can you make now?”

“I can...heat up frozen chicken nuggets. And make grilled cheese! With tomato Soup!”

“Is the tomato soup from a can, Orpheus?” He isn’t even looking at him as he examines a dozen of eggs and places them in the shopping cart as well, before grabbing a few cheeses.

“...yes…”

“Then thats not cooking. What kind of cheese do you put on the grilled cheese?”

“The little slices that come wrapped one by one-”

“Thats not even real cheese. Okay. No red sauce today. Eggs. We do eggs.” He loops back to grab an extra dozen.

Hades directs Orpheus through each aisle, taking time to pause and teach Orpheus about all the possibilities. Different types of pasta for different sauces (Light sauce with spaghetti, bolognese with rigatoni), types of beans to use for different fillings, how different flours affected baked goods.

They were in the spice aisle, a deep discussion on the values of garlic salt versus garlic powder when Orpheus asked a new question.

“So you need garlic and onion powder, but can add your own salt. I really suggest you use real garlic and onion but on grilled cheese or eggs this is easier. I also think freshly cracked black pepper makes a difference-”

“When did you know you wanted to marry Persephone?” He asks, looking up from his notebook full of spice notes.

“...not after six days, Boy, back to the spice. Now bay leaves are quintessential to a good soup base..”

“I bought a ring!”

“And you should use real homemade broth, Persephone used those bouillon cubes as a nausea quick cure but- I’m sorry you did what?”

“I bought a ring! Yesterday. I love her so much, I just..I know she’s it for me. Amma always says you know and I know!” He has an innocence in his eyes that Hades doesn’t want to crush, but innocence too closely accompanies naivety.

“Orpheus. You met six days ago. You don’t marry a girl because she took your virginity!”

Orpheus’ face turned the color of the canned tomatoes in his hand, the poet losing his words. “No! I love her! I know I do! She makes the world have color and reason and I look at her and see the whole world. I just imagine waking up next to her and holding our babies and-”

“Six days. Six days ago. You met her six days ago, stop talking about babies and marriage and focus on, I don’t know, getting to no her as a person with clothes on?” He grabs a handful of jarred spices and pushed on through the store. “Two years, Orpheus. We were together two years before I even thought about it. Now come on, we need to start cooking.” He ended the conversation, gesturing Orpheus towards the checkout.

They stopped at his apartment to drop off and properly store the frozen ingredients, a lesson all in its own of proper pantry filling and food storage, before taking the car to Hades townhome, where Orpheus was already spending so much of his time.

“We’ll do Eggs and grilled cheese. Scrambled eggs, you can’t do an omlette yet.” Hades decided as he keys into the front door, grabbing the mail on his way in.

“Is seph home? Is she gonna try it-”

“Of course. You don’t have to impress her though. Even if it tasted like garbage, that woman would never hurt your feelings. It’s Junie you need to impress-”

“..Junie?”

Just then Hades pushes the door open, and within seconds tiny yet quick footsteps were audible, getting closer by the second.

Junie, in her little purple tutu, ringlet curls bouncing as she ran, flew into her father’s legs with her arms in the air. “Daddy! I miss-ed-ed you!”

He chuckles lowly, scooping her onto his hip and kissing her cheek as the toddler wrapped her arms around his neck. “Hey, Princess. Where’s your mother?”

“If she’s the princess, does that make me the queen?” Persephone appears, long curls falling loose around her face. She somehow looks put together even in a sweatshirt far too big for her and flannel pajama shorts left over from last years christmas. “How was your shopping trip?”

He kisses his wife, tugging her closer by the fabric of her shirt. “You were the queen long before she was the princess. And it was eventful. He uses prepackaged cheese.”

“Well, I ate cups of ramen noodles and you loved me anyway.” Persephone winks, holding a hand out to Orpheus. “I hope he didn’t scare you, it’s sweet, that you’re learning to do this.”

“Well I want to be with her forev-”

He is interrupted by Hades voice, as he bounces Junie once “Hey Junie, why don’t we go set up to cook. Come, Orpheus.”

“Yeah, come on Ophie!” Junie gestures for him to follow, as her father carries her to the kitchen. He sits her on the chair at the island, before Persephone sits beside her and pulls her into her lap.

“Why’s Ophie cookin’ daddy?” She asks, kicking her little legs before pressing her back into her mother’s chest, snuggling into her.

“Because he’s trying to impress a girl, Junie.” Hades says off handedly, placing a loaf of bread on the table top. “Remember, Junie, if a man can’t cook, he isn’t good enough for you.”

“Noone’s good ‘nuff for me, Daddy.”

“Thats right, baby. Thats right.”

“Are you tryna impress Princess Rydice, Ophie?” The little girl asks, craning her head to look at him, standing in the doorway looking suddenly horrified.

“Oh, Yes I am Junie, I love her so much and I want to make her happy!” He has a dreamy look in his eyes, looking off in admiration.

“Are you gonna marry her?” Junie inquires, cocking her head.

“I want to, so badly!”

“Now Orpheus, we talked about this-” Hades grumbled before his wife cuts him off.

“What are you making us tonight, my little culinary masters.” Persephone teases, resting her chin on Junie’s head. “I’m in the mood for glazed salmon with-”

“Eggs. We are making eggs. And grilled Cheese.” Hades shoots her a look, signifying that even this may result in ordering takeout late in the evening. He grabs butter and an assortment of cheeses, a carton of eggs, and some other small ingredients.

“Thats not a real meal, daddy. Wheres the veggie?” Junie questions, resting her little face on her hand.

“Orpheus has to learn not to burn his house down before we can teach him to blanch veggies, baby.” Hades shakes his head, but hands Junie a handful of grated cheese to munch on in the cooking process.

Orpheus looks stunned as an egg is placed in his hand, and a small glass bowl is given to him. “Do i just..”

“Crack the egg Orpheus.”

Orpheus slams the egg into the bowl, shell going everywhere in both the yolk and on the counter top. “Oh..”

“Try again.”

They do this half a dozen times before Orpheus can confidently crack an egg, and learns whisking skills with a fork. He learns to add milk and butter, salt and pepper. He burns the first try, and under cooks the second. The third try is plated, and slid across the island to Junie and her mother.

Persephone gives Junie a bite before taking one herself. Persephone, either being overly kind or with overly low standards, gives orpheus a thumbs up.

Junie, however, stares at the pale eggs and shakes her head. “Ophie you aren’t impressin’ any-body with this. You need salt.”

“Juniper! Be nice!” Persephone lectured, but hid her face in her corkscrew curls to laugh to herself.

“I just telling the truth! It’s bland!” Junie defends, looking to her dad.

“She’s not wrong..Just use a little more salt and you’ll be golden Orpheus. Eat your eggs then we’ll try the grilled cheese.”

The grilled cheese does not go any better.

“For the love of god Orpheus, you put the buttered side on the pan, and the cheese on the inside!”

“He’s hopeless, Daddy.” Junie pokes in, eating the still uncooked cheese set out on the island. “ Rydice will marry you anyway Ophie, it’s okay if you can’t cook! Mama can’t cook either!”

“I made you, thats close enough to cooking.” Persephone teased, poking Junie’s stomach and making her erupt into brilliant giggles.

Orpheus is distracted by the sound, suddenly drawn to a future where it is a dark haired little girl laughing in the arms of Eurydice as he cooks a meal for his own family. He is so distracted by the thought of Eurydice’s dark eyes on a child that he doesn’t hear Hades in the background.

“Orpheus...Orpheus...ORPHEUS you are BURNING the toast.” He takes the spatula out of Orpheus’ hand and tosses the offending blackened sandwich away.

“I’m sorry i’m usually not this bad...I don’t burn my own grilled cheese.”

“Because you use fake cheese. Now remember. Butter bread. Butter side down. Gruyere. Cheddar. Mozzarella. Bread Butter side up.”

Orpheus follows the instructions, and this time, successfully develops a golden crust on the bread, with cheese oozing out just right.

He cuts the sandwich in half and presents it to his niece/pseudo sister with pride. “Here you go Junie B.”

Junie eyes him carefully, examining all of the sandwich. “Pretty color..smells good…” She takes an apprehensive bite, then another. “It’s good, Ophie...but..”

“Whats wrong, Junie?” Hades muses, leaning down to her eye level.

“If you were on chopped, you’d be chopped. But thats okay. My Daddy’s just better than you.”

#orpheus can't cook eggs but he can fertilize them #orpheus #hades #Junie tag #persephone #modern au #hadestown modern au #hadestown #hadestown au

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chaoticgabby · 5 years ago

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My Cheap & Relatively Healthy Grocery List for College Students

Context: I had been used to eating fast food so much because it was cheap that when I went to the doctors' they said I had high glucose content. That wasnt good. So I started eating healthier. Anyway let's skip the BS and get straight into it:

Ramen: the OG cheap food. I personally don't own ramen bc I dont like it that much, but if you want to save money this is the meal, at least add an egg or some veggies to make it healthier.

Frozen Veggies: anywhere from 50 cents to a dollar or two a bag. Can easily be kept in your freezer (if you have one) for months

Mac n' cheese: my all-time favorite. Of course, it might not be healthy for everyone to eat pasta all the time, but I do it anyway. Add some real cheese and spices for taste or chicken and veggies in it / on the side.

Other Pasta boxes (Pasta Roni, Velveeta, Hamburger Helper, etc.): basically as cheap or almost as cheap as Kraft macaroni, but maybe you arent a fan of mac n cheese.

Soup (Soup!!): Cambell's Tomato soup is often $1 a can. I like to eat mine with grilled cheese. Thats a whole ass meal. But of course you can get other soups just as cheap. Basically, any canned foods.

Canned foods & veggies: this one goes without saying. Although, the better options are sometimes $2 to $3 the same can be said for frozen veggies, but just heat these up and cook them in fried rice or just add butter and eat them aside a nice entré

Chunk light tuna: speaking of canned foods, canned tuna is soooo cheap and is a great option (if you even like tuna). Dont actually get the "pack tuna" for $1 a pack unless you want to keep it in your bag bc canned tuna is around 60 cents a can. Mix it with Miracle Whip (or mayo) and spread it over break for a good sammich.

Grilled cheese (or cheese toastie if you arent American I think??): similar to previous options, youre getting your cheese and your butter and your bread. Not as healthy as other options but way better than fast food calories.

Quesadillas: similar to grilled cheese, except spICY. My brother only eats these and he has no meal plan. I do it now too. Honestly, adding up tortillas, cheese dip, shredded cheese, & chicken is kind of costly but worth it. Also cooking chicken is annoying bc I dont have time for that. But. Yknow. A great option.

Pillsbury Crescents: a little costly, about $2+ per tube, but still fookin delicious. Also imma be real: actually havent checked the nutrition label to see if these are actually healthy. But these are sO useful. Make them by themselves for breakfast (with jam, eggs, or alone) or use the dough for other recipes. I use these with Manwich sauce, cheese, and ground beef for snacks :)

Manwiches: manwich sauce cans are $1 and although they have some sugar, its not nearly as bad as fast food. Just cook up some ground beef to go with it & maybe add cheese, sliced bread, or hamburger buns

PB&J: Another OG. I could never get tired of these. You just gotta make sure you have soft bread and the pb&j and youre good to go. Although..like.. some people apparently like theirs toasted or with different jams (I like strawberry).

Eggs!!!! : Just keep these in your fridge. Just do it. You never know when youre going to run out of food. Boiled? Scrambled? Fried? Soft boiled? With ramen? Omelet? In fried rice? Egg sandwich??? Eat them with bread, eat them with toast, eat them as a breakfast sandwich, scramble them with cheese, the list goes on. If you dont eat them often, get a smaller carton, but always have eggs! Also, for baking.

Rice, or fried rice: If you like rice, have been cooking rice for a long time, and can actually make it without burning, make sure you have rice. If you like rice but have never actually made it yourself, it takes trial and error in a pot. Or just invest in a rice cooker. Additionally, fried rice is not that difficult to learn & it fits the bill for healthy bc you can add unlimited veggies and meats. Im not here to educated you but the more ingredients, the better, is how i see it.

Fresh Food:

Fruit: I literally have "an apple a day" for breakfast. It's just good for you. Keep them in your fridge to keep them fresh. Keep one in your bag in case you get hungry. Bananas? Awesome! Use them in smoothies or a milkshake or eat them with your cereal or even with peanut butter. Possibilities are endless with fruit. Just make sure they dont spoil. Apples are OG bc they dont spoil as easily.

Vegetables: Make sure to only periodically get them so that they dont go to waste. Make some broccoli with butter & eat it alongside pasta. Or asparagus. Anything you want. Just make sure to have some with your meals sometimes. Greens are good. Additionally, carrots can get addicting if yoh eat them with ranch. The plus side is they are filling. If you have a tendency to want to munch on something: carrots.

Deli Meat / Sandwich Options: I personally dont make deli sandwiches because ham (as well as roast beef or turkey) can be expensive and then wanting to add lettuce and tomato to a sandwich sounds amazing but I'm scared they will spoil. Dont let me stop you though! Sandwiches are amazing.

Meat: you dont want to be cooking meat all the time bc it can get expensive, but the basics I always get are ground beef and chicken. I prefer "boneless skinless chicken thigh fillets" but you would need to cut off the fat. You could always get rotisserie if you arent feeling to for cooking. Also, if you're feeling expensive one week, salmon is just sooo good. I ate it with asparagus and seasoned with lemon. Delicious.

Snack / Dessert Options:

(I personally don't keep snacks or dessert in my home very often bc you dont want to binge eat. But here is what I have)

Peanut butter: classic, filling, can be potentially bad if you eat a shite ton

Nuts: peanuts, almonds, cashews, and especially pecans

Cookies: make your own, a lot of simple cookie recipes exist and it's a lot easier than you think. Baking essentials like flour, sugar, milk, and eggs are not that expensive to keep around in an apartment kitchen. Difficulties may be vanilla extract (the avg student doesnt have this lying around) a baking sheet, a big bowl, and possible a whisk. Store bought cookie dough isnt too bad either.

Box-cakes / box-brownies: simple and easy. Takes a few eggs sometimes and some oil, milk or water. The same goes for pancake mix. Honestly, I had an out-of-country roommate and he had never heard of boxed cake mix or brownie mix. They always made from scratch where he lived.

Low-calorie ice cream: okay ice cream can be pretty expensive and filled w/ added sugars. I used to eat this strawberry icecream sweetened with stevia and it was SO delicious, but I couldnt find that at my grocery store. Other options are "low-calorie" ice cream or "no added sugars" ice cream. I have one of these and the thing abt it is that its just the right amount of sugar to taste like ice cream and the neat thing is that you dont feel like binging it bc it doesnt have addicting added sugars.

Milkshakes / smoothies: this is a tough one bc me and most other students dont own a blender or juicer. I personally get my smoothies from a local smoothie place that only uses fresh fruit and then I ask not to add the natural sugars bc it is sweet enough with the fruit. Natural smoothies are delicious & I find that you can kind of make then if u freeze your fruits and blend w a fork. "Handmade" milkshakes are actually super easy w this method.

Yogurt: just...mmm.

"Healthy" snack food section, often called the gluten-free aisle: im not too experienced with this and im sure they have added sugars too but what I do know is I tried these gluten free oreos once and they were delicious

Fruits: I mentioned earlier but apples are great snacks

Veggies: also like I said earlier, carrots are great snacks. Not exactly a veggie but possibly potatoes for a meal or snack.

Granola Bars: for when youre too lazy to keep up with fruit and if fruit will spoil, granola bars (they healthy kind, not the chewy sugary kind) are so good to have in your pantry or keep in your backpack for a snack (and to keep you from on campus temptations). Also I used Nature Valley ones instead of cereal. They actually dissolve and are delicious with milk, since some cereals are so sugary.

Since my last college tips post got some notes I figured I'd keep writing these advice posts. For reference, I am hoping to become an RA next year at my college, so I'm not just speaking out of my ass. I generally have experience at college thus far and want to help students.

#Im American and Im not Vegan so sorry if this didnt help non americans and definitely not vegans :(#college tips #college advice #life hack #healthy living #food

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hashoterhatov · 4 years ago

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No place like home | אין מקום כמו הבית

You're engaged to Eitan, and thus Yona will teach you her ways in the kitchen, because after all, you're going to be a Konfino.

Eitan Konfino X Female Reader

A huff of laughter left your lips as Eitan threw a peanut in the air and rather ungracefully caught it in his mouth, several crumbs of peanut shells scattered all over his shirt. You sat snuggled against his side, legs pulled up onto the sofa, your father-in-law sitting a little away, his feet put up on the coffee table.

“You better clean that up.” Yizhar grumpily complained to his youngest son, grabbing the handheld vacuum cleaner from the floor and proceeding to clean up the crumbs on his own chest before handing it to Eti.

“Of course, dad.” he replied with a nearly unnoticeable roll of his eyes, but he didn’t start cleaning himself of the residue left by your midday snacks before feeding you another one - you didn’t particularly like peanuts, but you ate them anyway.

“(Y/n)?” Yona called from the kitchen, causing you to look up.

“Yes?” you quizzed, but there was no answer.

“Go look what she wants.” Eitan said to you before pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. You arose and stretched your arms before heading to the kitchen. Eti’s hand reached out to playfully slap your ass, but a raised eyebrow from his father halted him in his tracks, causing him to recoil and crack open another nut.

You entered the kitchen and found Yona with an apron around her waist, another one held out for you to take. The table and counter were filled with fresh produce, ready to be handled.

“What can I do for you?” you asked her, stepping a bit further into the kitchen. She wiggled the apron from left to right, smiling a little as a few brown curls fell in front of her eyes. “Take it.”

You did as she asked, curious about what she was up to. After tying it around your waist, she gestured to the sink. “Wash your hands.”

“Okay.” you said with an amused hum, heading to the tap to run your hands under lukewarm water before drying them on a tea towel.

“Since you and Eti are going to get married soon,” she began, “It is time that you learn how to cook Shakshu-Konfino!”

Your heart jumped in your chest. “Really?” you asked in slight disbelief, “You are willing to share your secret recipe with me?” Tears appeared in the corners of your eyes at the idea - Yona’s Shakshuka was heavenly.

“Of course, (Y/n)!” your future mother-in-law told you, “After all, it’s important that it stays in the family.”

She winked at you and it made your body warm with the knowledge that she really saw you as her own daughter, the one she never had, and she soon handed you a knife to start working on the tomatoes.

“Tomatoes, a whole bunch of them.” she told you. “Don’t be afraid to do it off the cuff. One tomato more or less never made a difference. Well, it does, but the more, the better. However, it’s the spices you need to be careful with! Too many will spoil it, too little will make it bland.”

Yona went to dice two onions and tossed them into a large bowl. As soon as you had finished chopping a whole bunch of the red, unskinned fruits, you put them in as well.

“Really good. Now, yellow bell peppers, four cloves of garlic, two hot chili peppers, and the spices. Why don’t you chop the peppers while I go prepare the garlic.” You took two hot chili peppers and looked at Yona from the corner of your eye for a second before grabbing a third one. A smirk tugged at the corner of her lips. “See, you are going to be a Konfino after all.” she praised softly.

Cooking together made it light work, and soon, Yona was already heating up the pan with a dash of olive oil, spreading it around to cover it evenly. She placed it back upon the stove so you could take it, and she threw in half of the vegetable mix of what you had chopped up alongside half of the garlic.

Within mere seconds, the kitchen was filled with the delicious scent of grilling veggies, enriched by the many flavours mixed in. You shuffled a spatula around the frying pan to keep the food from burning, and after a while, Yona tossed in the rest of the garlic as well as a can of chopped tomatoes in sauce.

Stirring it through, you watched as she took a bunch of herbs, sprinkling them into the pan with generous amounts. “Cumin,” she said, “Salt, pepper, some sweet paprika.”

“Got it.” you said, “And what else?”

Yona smiled at you before reaching into one of the kitchen cabinets. “The secret ingredient is… A dash of this .”

She showed you a tiny glass jar on which was scribbled the date on which it had been made.

“My homemade baharat . I should teach you to make it someday. It will change your Shakshuka game for the rest of your life!”

You nodded, smiling. “I’d love to learn from you.”

“Good.” she replied, tapping a small amount of the mixture into the pan. “Now stir thoroughly.”

Yona was a good teacher - not that you were a terrible student - in just twenty minutes, a steaming pan of shakshuka was nearly ready to be served.

“Now for the eggs. Make a small hole into the Shakshuka with the spatula and I will drop them in.”

She cracked twelve eggs into the sauce. “Now we just let them poach for a bit and it will be perfect.”

“(Y/n)...” you suddenly heard Eitan’s voice from the threshold and you turned around to find him smiling with a twinkle in his eye reserved only for you. “You’re making Shakshu-Konfino.” he softly mused.

“I am.” you replied, approaching him, your hands starting to undo your apron. “After all, I’m going to be a Konfino.”

His smile grew and he reached for your cheek to tuck some hair behind your ear “At least one of my boys is settling down.” Yizhar said with feigned exaggeration, hoisting himself out of his chair before walking to the kitchen.

“Meyron is married.” Eti commented, but Yizhar let out a scoff.

“Yes, with some woman from America who we have never met, even after all these years. We never would’ve known it either if it weren’t for Danny and you telling us.”

“Well,” Yona breathed with a smile, “At least we will have grandchildren living close to home this time!”

“And I will be able to make them Shakshu-Konfino.” you said with a wide grin, and Eti opened his mouth to reply when the front door opened and Danny announced his arrival.

“I’m home!” the cop exclaimed, “What is that wonderful smell?”

He placed his hands on his hips as he joined the little gathering on the kitchen’s threshold.

“Hey there Danny!” Yona greeted happily, pushing herself through the small gap in between you and Eitan to kiss her middle child on the cheeks.

“How was work today?” “Busy as always, mom.” he started to explain, and you retreated into the kitchen to see how the eggs were doing, Eitan following you suit.

“That smells really good.” Eitan told you, wrapping his arms around you from behind before kissing the top of your head lovingly. “And the Shakshuka, too.”

A blush spread over your cheeks and you let out a light laugh. “Oh, stop that.”

“I keep wondering why I’ve ever deserved you. I’m so lucky to have you.”

Your heart climbed into your throat and you smiled, tearing your eyes away from the eggs in order to look at him.

“Well,” you began, “I think I’m the lucky one to have you. ”

“(Y/n), don’t-” “No, Eti, really.” He showed you a boyish smile and you cherished it, for it wasn’t every day that you made him blush like a teenager with his head in the clouds. Still, whenever he was with you, he certainly felt light-headed and all the worries in the world seemed to fade away.

“I can’t wait to marry you.” he murmured. “Me neither.” was your response before standing on your tip-toes to press your lips to his. He cradled his fingers around your face and tilted up your head, and you allowed his mouth to claim yours, his tongue just slipping over your bottom lip, requesting entrance.

“Is that Shakshuka?” Danny announced his approach and Eitan pulled back right away, giving you an apologetic look. You shrugged - it wasn’t like he could help it.

“ Shalom Eti, Shalom (Y/n).”

“Good to see you, Danny.” you greeted him, kissing his cheeks before he turned to your fiancé in order to give him a hug.

“Been a while.” he commented. “Too long,” Eti added, ruffling his older brother’s hair, which made for a funny scene - after all, Eitan stood several heads above Danny.

A head of brown curls popped around the corner. “Boys, why don’t you lay the table?”

Yona ushered her sons out of the kitchen and walked towards you to look upon the eggs. “Perfect.”

Within a minute, the table was laid and it was time to start eating. Carefully, you carried the frying pan to the dinner table.

“That looks delicious, (Y/n)!” Yizhar praised, shifting in his seat.

You placed it in the middle and sat down next to Eitan, his hand immediately resting on your thigh, lovingly so, with a tinge of possessiveness. He had every right to do so, and it warmed your skin through your trousers.

“Thank you,” you told Yizhar, “I learned from the best.” Yona gleamed with joy. “Let’s see if it tastes as good as we know it.” Danny jested, reaching over to the pan to dip some bread into the mixture. The poached eggs were perfectly runny and pride filled your chest.

In pleasant silence, you all ate from the dish for a while before Yizhar spoke up. “(Y/n),” he began, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “For many years, Yona has made me the most delicious Shakshuka in all of Israel. And I’ve made it for her in return, which she always loves…”

“ Almost always, Yizhar.” she corrected, and for a second, a rare smile spread over his lips.

“Which she almost always loves,” he resumed, “And I still believe that there is no Shakshuka better than Shakshu-Konfino in this world… This… ”

He pointed at the food on his plate, nodding. “ This is Shakshu-Konfino. You are a true Konfino, (Y/n), and I can taste it in every bite.”

“Look at that, (Y/n).” Danny spoke, amusement lingering in his voice “Our father is becoming sappy because of you. His age is making him soft!”

“Oh, shut up Danny!” Yizhar exclaimed over the laugh the rest of you let out.

Eitan leaned down, pressing a kiss onto your temple. “I’m proud of you, baby.” You smiled contently, leaning into his touch.

Looking out over the table, you looked with fond eyes upon the people you could call family in all ways but by law - and you soon would be able to do so.

You wouldn’t change it for the world.

Never before had you felt more at home than in that very moment.

#hashoter hatov #eitan konfino #danny konfino

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san-station · 5 years ago

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A Quiet Place AU / ATEEZ (Post-apocalyptic)

Chapter 6

↝Word count: 3.6k

Description: In a world full of silence and dangerous creatures seeking for blood, a group of friends have to survive for their own good and find the safe place they've heard about months ago.

Pairing: San x OC

WARNING: mention of death, depression, cursing.

・・・・・・・・

With every storm, there’s a rainbow somewhere.

It’s pretty odd to say that after Misuk’s death, the #439 day began as a peaceful day. That Monday Mingi, Wooyoung and Yeosang walked around the periphery recollecting some vegetables that were on our garden behind the old building, I joined a couple hours later just grabbed some fruits and keep an eye on the boys. We talked about how vegetables tasted better than ever and Mingi tried to figure out if the reason was some kind of radioactive answer. Wooyoung tried to hold his sharp laugh eating tons of strawberries, they tained his teeth red for six hours. We also found two raccoon bodies smashed in the middle of the tomatoes, so we figured we had to be more careful outside the building to prepare the runaway. Meanwhile, Yeosang and I recollected some carrots and oranges, the tension between us was visible, we made eye contact three times and the three times I almost growled at him, still mad about last night. I was trying to distract myself from the events of the day before with them, but the thoughts were only intensify by the animal blood near the garden.

At night, we had dinner indoors, most of the guys were chatting about the few days we had in there, remaking a new plan for us to start heading to our supposed new home, Wonderland. However, Seonghwa seemed too caught up on his own world that he didn’t even touch his fish or veggies; and if stares could burn you, Seonghwa caught me staring at him. The worrying look on my face made him give me a smile to put an ease to my thoughts, he started to eat after I gulped a glass of water and gesture him swallow everything on his plate. I knew he was as affected as I was, maybe even more. Hongjoong had told us he felt guilty for not being able to protect Misuk when he was the strongest between the three of us, it made no sense if he also would’ve been killed.

Things turned a little tense when Wooyoung mentioned our discovery on the tomatoes garden.

"You're not allowed to go outside again this week", Hongjoong had said to me when I washed the dishes. He thought that my scent could have probably attracted the creatures near our house. I agreed bluntly as Mingi hugged my back and reassure that everything would be okay.

On Tuesday, Yunho, Wooyoung and Jongho prepared an incredible meal with the supplies we brought, the amused moment was when they realized they couldn't cook without Seonghwa, who was out fixing a fissure in the water pipe, it was caused by that time when Wooyoung went to bathroom. Yeah, he was right, that shit was pretty messy. Literally. I really wanted to go with him but he agreed to go by himself because “he was okay alone”. Saying I was hurt was an understatement… By the end of the day, I took care of gathering some supplies for our road trip, organized our food, water, clothes, pills and guns. We were obligated to dominate the art of shooting and targeting stuffs, luckily, we used them once in the forest yet we didn’t like to use them due to obvious reasons: noise.

Anyway, as for San and Hongjoong, they never got out of the oldest bedroom till it was night time. San was carrying a notebook and some papers down his armpits while he grabbed a cup of the black coffee I made for Hongjoong and gave me a flash smile. Sometimes, San and I smiled at each other from time to time when our eyes met for too long, but he still was an idiot with big ego trying to make me mad at everything he did. I wasn’t sure of that new attitude of his, but it was better than his stearn and cold eyes.

On Wednesday, we all played Monopoly and remained in the basement for safety, if raccoons died the day before, we had to be aware of anything. So, we ended up hating Hongjoong and his fucking cute laugh as he robbed all of our money when we stepped in all his properties, Mingi kept fake-crying for an entire hour as Hongjoong took his little red houses from the spots he bought and he placed his purple buildings instead. Yeosang, Mr. Corrupt Bank, smiled devilish as he handed Hongjoong the last few dollars of the game. That little bastard knew how to play or he was a mastermind on cheating. San almost punched him and almost threw the game board as he perished in the jail longer than anyone else. We laughed till our bellies hurt, until our eyes cried, until our cheeks felt hot and our backs collided on the basement floor. The tension around us for the last three days faded away in that exact minute, we were just a group of young adults fooling around with our friends and classmates before Kihwang would come from his Art History class and would yell at us to start running over the place. But he never came, and we never ran, and all that we once knew as a normal life became a living hell as we played seek and hide with some freaking aliens. What a plot twist, bro.

On Thursday, I made a peace alliance with Yeosang, not because either of us wanted to, we had to clean the basement with Seonghwa while the others were risking their lives outside looking for some fishy delight; before they left, Hongjoong made us pretty clear that we had to “put our shit together or else…”, we didn’t want to know the or else..., so we established that we had to figure how to stop looking for each other's throats and befriend one more time. Seonghwa was the mediator, so everything went just fine after some cursing, death wishes, some tears and a hug.

The guys came back three hours later, the river was near the abandoned city so the walk would be tedious. By the time they opened the basement door, Yeosang and Seonghwa were having a big discussion about a puppet show they started to put a smile on our faces. After cleaning, I was worrying sick about everyone not coming home, so Yeosang thought it might be a good distraction. The show included my fluffy cat, Yeosang’s stuffed turtle, Seonghwa's big red Angry Bird character and San’s puppy, Shiber.

“She has to marry Private Ryan”, Seonghwa grabbed his fluffy bird and placed my cat next to it. Yeosang frowned, grabbed the cat and placed it next to his turtle.

“Ehm, no, she has to marry Larry”.

“No one wants to marry Larry, Yeosang”, Seonghwa spoke as he, once again, took Manny, the cat, and put it aside the animals. I was staring at them the whole time sipping a glass of water in silence because I've already tried to speak and they almost ate me alive. They decided to have “fun” trying to create some kind of bad soap opera, oblivious that the real drama was getting closer and closer.

“Fuck you, everyone wants to marry Larry, even Private Ryan”, Yeosang looked offended and hugged his turtle as if it was alive, he was trying to calm Larry down by caressing its shell.

“How could anyone marry him? He’s too slow for this, the cat needs some real man that can fly her away from monsters”, the black haired man logically explained and grinn when he watched me hiding a smile. It seemed that the main characters didn't realize the boys were there, waiting for some answers about the childish show. San looked exhausted thought. Despites the arguments for my kitten marrying the turtle or the bird, San walked to the couch I was sat on, grabbed Shiber and Manny and sat next to me, interrupting the play.

“Let’s finish this”, he started, “Manny and Shiber are engaged, I don’t even know why you guys are fighting for. Besides, Private Ryan is gonna be the best man and Larry will be the flower boy, now shut up and let them be happy forever so we can rest on our beds, we're pretty tired and I need silence", San made the kitten and his little dog kissed for a second while he looked dead serious with his knitted eyebrows. Then, his features relaxed when a giggle escaped my lips and I covered my mouth with the back of my hand. San’s eyes stared at me with the edges of his mouth barely up and handed the plushies to me. I let the glass or water aside and hugged them together. Seonghwa gasped and Yeosang just glared at San’s Shiber. San stood up and left the living room with Wooyoung side by side, he had the biggest Joker smile I’ve ever seen and kind of creeped me out.

The puppet show was over and we had a great dinner with the fishes they hunted. San let me sleep with Shiber as he now was Manny’s husband. What can I say? It was childish but cute. But suddenly, sleeping between Hongjoong and Seonghwa made me shiver, the warmth of the room disappeared slowly as my body lacked from the human contact. When my eyes opened, I was welcomed with pure loneliness and a cold room, I frowned. It was 2:35 AM according to my wristwatch, yet, I still could hear whispers coming from the living room, they were still taking about the trip. I was exhausted from the cleaning so I didn't think too much and closed my eyes one more time. I snuggled with Shiber between my arms the rest of the night.

Now it was Friday, I spent the entire day inside my room due to cramps, in the end of the world a woman still has to survive that pain. My head was killing me and I hesitated everytime I wanted to go outside for some air or a glass of water; however, Hongjoong and Seonghwa made sure to warned out the guys to be careful when they came around my room to not cause any problem and disturb my susceptible self. I would eat them alive if they try to argue with me in that state. I could also sense that something was going on, or perhaps I was delusional and craving for some sweet, but they kept they guard on when I started to ask about what they were doing or how was the plan. Hongjoong tensed while he put the cup of tea next to the bed and Seonghwa was the first to approach.

"Did you not sleep here?", I asked after they avoided the previous question. “I think I had another nightmare, you know, about day 1…”

"We've been talking with the guys about the next move", the raven boy said and smiled. "Don't worry about us, take the rest of the day."

"Yeosang sends his iPod", Hongjoong handed it with the headphones and kissed my head. "We'll talk later, Ji. You stay here and rest", then, they were gone, leaving me with Yeosang’s shuffle playlist. I didn’t ask anything else, however, a strange feeling inside my chest kept me uneased all day.

On Saturday I was ready to left the room, I was feeling a little bit better than the day before, moreover, the boys were cautious about my movements and talking.

“Do you need anything, Ji?”, Mingi asked patting my hair with a soft smile on his face. I returned the gesture touching his well-fitted chest and crunch my nose.

“I’m okay, Mingi, it’ll be over soon”, I assured him as he engulfed me in his strong and long arms.

“I’m happy I didn’t born as a woman.”

That was all he said before I killed him with my own hands. Well, actually I punched him a little and made him my slave for all day long. Another odd thing was that Jongho finally talked to me, he looked very sad, thought, but it was an improvement.

“Here are some pills Misuk always asked when she felt bad”, he handed me a little ziploc with five white pills.

“Oh… thank you, Jongho”, I gave him a quick smile and went to the kitchen.

I stuck to Hongjoong’s side all day since I wanted to be aware of the expedition. Unexpectedly, he was acting weird, he had a certain manner to handle things sometimes and now he was avoiding my gaze, he rather talk about everything but the trip road, he even ordered me to go and paint some animals on the fourth floor after lunch when Yeosang called him to set up some kind of loose ends on the plan. He almost yelled at me when I insisted on helping with the route map, that’s what I’m talking about, that mullet boy never acted like that. I knew I fucked up with Misuk’s murder, yet it increased the continuous torment of the voices inside my head blaming me all over again. I wasn’t ready for him to demonstrate such an attitude about my culpability, thus I stopped and went to my painting room as all the eyes in the place watched my walk of shame.

On Sunday every racional part of me started to fall apart. I woke up earlier than the boys, it was pretty unusual if I said. I made breakfast for all, some dumplings, fruits and a hella great coffee, maybe I thought it could be some payment to them for bearing my behavior; before anyone could see me, I grabbed my backpack, filled it with a bottle of water, a few dumplings and fruits, a blanket, some sunlight, my gun and Jongho’s pills.

I left the basement and went up to the fourth floor of the building, the sun started to rise from the window with its orange light and I smiled at it, I welcomed it with the few energy I had. It felt nostalgic, the quiet floor sometimes could be scary as hell, after all, I was alone in a building where no one would hear my screams from down earth. Moreover, while I put more and more space between the boys and myself, it started to feel like I wasn’t entirely alone, a thread connected us as we became a family after everything we’ve been through. Families fight, families made peace, I just needed a few hours away to understand that I was being skeptical over them hiding things, important things. And I knew we were going on the road the next day, but my chest ached with discomfort and concern due to Hongjoong’s distrust in my capacity to separate my feelings from our main mission: Wonderland. The tables had turned, I was so worry about Jongho being the one affected, but at the end it was only me and my persisting mouth.

My hands weren’t able to draw a thing, they were rigid, inflexible, unable to even paint a curve. So my feet took me to the rooftop when the sun was finally set up in the sky, saluting with warmth and happiness that I couldn’t feel either. I put some sunlight while I rested on the floor and closed my eyes. The bright light kept my dreams from the shadows as my mind traveled to a parallel world where everything around me glowed, where my body felt loose, like floating through the space in the quietness of the periphery. My chest went up and down as I took deep breaths and a minute later I was fully relaxed, no worries on my minds, no negative thoughts about blood, or death, or sorrow, or guilt... With every storm, there’s a rainbow somewhere, it just wasn’t raining any time soon. After a minute or two, the slumber won the battle between anxiety and disappointment and I submerged in the glowing sea of hope and dreams that onces were reachable in the impossible now.

A few hours later, a big shadow blinded the bright sun and made me open my eyes a bit faster than usual, the blurry figure was looking at me from above with a tense jaw and fisting hands.

“How long have you been here?”, the man signed abruptly and my eyebrows knitted.

“What do you mean?”, I raised my back up a little and sat slowly, for a few seconds dizziness invaded my sight and I blinked severely as Hongjoong’s face became visible.

“Did you not see the time, Jiyeong?”, then I looked around. The sky was still light up but little shiny stars started to show up as minutes passed by. How long did I sleep? I was sure my nightmares depravated me without a good rest, but I wasn’t aware of how tired I really was.

“We thought you’ve left a while ago”, again, he moved his hands harshly and it didn’t matter if we were quiet, his face expressed the anger he was holding inside.

“Couldn’t you look up in here?”, I got up on my two feet and dust off my clothes. “Even so, why would I leave without you? I was waiting till you had your breakfast to go downstairs and finally began the travel”.

“We already had lunch, Jiyeong, it’s been seven hours…”, I was taken by surprise realizing how much I was off, my skin felt warm due the sun but it didn’t hurt too much. “Don’t do that again, okay? We-… I thought...”, Hongjoong sighed and bit his lip.

“What? That I’ll leave you just because you’re being a dick to me? Nah, I’m too rational to know that we need to stick together no matter what.”

He avoided my eyes one more time and I finally snapped. I approached him, grabbed the collar of his jacket harshly, making him stumbled in his own feet. Anger boiled my blood as my body reacted without warning. My knuckles were white as the strength I put on my hold was too much for myself. Hongjoong’s eyes were wide open and his mouth partly opened startled, we never had an encounter like that before and me being aggressive was never on my mind, yet I couldn’t stand it anymore.

Suddenly, I let Hongjoong’s jacket go and signed with pure wrath.

“I’m tired of your shit, Hongjoong. All I’m trying to do is help you with the trip and here you are, treating me like I was some kind of girl that is too scared to hear men talk. I’m tired of being left alone. You realized I wasn’t in the basement like a minute ago and don’t try to lie to me”, Hongjoong was perplexed trying to catch up with my fast movements. He raised his hands and I shook my head. “You thought I was inside the bedroom after I cooked your breakfast just because you’re so caught up with the fucking plan that you don’t understand how shitty I felt this week. I know you don’t trust me, but don’t hide value information when we are a fucking team, Hongjoong…”

I was panting, the thumping of my heart almost scared me, was it that loud? Would the creatures listen to it? Hongjoong’s dumbfounded face was a poem, he just stood there looking right through me and I stood there, letting him. Two minutes later, he signed.

“This is the first time you said Hongjoong too many times instead of Joong, so… I assume I really upset you”, he pressed his hands on his temples, passed it through his hair and stepped closer to hug me tighter than ever. I didn’t return the gesture, not even when I really needed to hold him. When he noticed, he sighed one more time and let me go.

“I’m so sorry… it’s just that San and I’ve been changing some things we already had planned before the incident with Misuk and we had to arrange things by putting you too much pressure, most of us are against the idea of lending you such demands when Seonghwa is as well going through it…”, his sad eyes showed how anxious he was, he cupped my face with his hands and caressed my cheeks. A ghost smile appeared on my face and made him grin in victory.

“This is not the first time we’ve faced dead friends or family, Joong. I’m stronger than this, it just happened to bring back old bad memories, that’s all”, I signed and shrugged, not wanting to think about them after my seven hours sleep.

“That’s all…”, he signed in response. He pressed his lips together as he squeezed my shoulders and stepped back. His eyes looked around quickly with a bothered gaze. “What if we talked inside? It’s getting darker and I- we need you safe…”, Hongjoong grabbed the bag on the floor,opened the rooftop’s door for me and extended his hand for me to hold it.

“Only if you agree to make some of that horrible tea for me before we go…”, I crossed my arms over my chest and stopped a meter away from him. The mullet boy’s grin fainted and he swallowed hard, that made me frowned. But before I could ask, he nodded with a smile, hold my hand and made me follow him to the basement. A cup of tea wasn’t going to stop me from demanding answers, not when I could tell that something was disturbing him; after all, we were ready to leave the place that day and nothing could stop us, at least nothing that I was aware of.

(...)

Masterlist

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dyns33 · 5 years ago

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My program

Hey @codyfernmorelikedaddyfern it’s a bit long, so I decided to just post what I’m doing since nine months to lose weight. You don’t have to follow everything, you will need to find recipes that you like with ingredients that you like (I tried apples and salad, and really I can’t...). I hope it will help you a bit, or other people ! But talk with a doctor before starting, cause I’m not a specialist.

Some advices :

- No more alcohol (well, except to celebrate, but just a glass then)

- No more soda and add sugar

- No more fat, butter, oil... You can cook with a dry pan.

- Careful : fat and sugar are hidden everywhere, so read the stickers before buying a product.

- Avoid wheat flour, prefer whole-wheat flour

- Avoid chocolate (but you can eat some from time to time, the black one mostly, a life without chocolate would be awful)

- Eat less meat (but you don't need to become veggie or vegan. I would never be able to say goodbye forever to cheese...)

- Add lot of vegetables and fruits !!

- Drink at least 1,5 liter of water per day !

- Cook. Really, don't buy things that you just have to warm up. Try to avoid fast food.

- Organic food is the best. Yes, it's not cheap, I'm hurt everytime I have to buy my things, but it's better for you, not just to lose weight, but in general.

- Cook only what you will eat, not more, so you will be not tempted to eat again. You have what's in your plate.

- So that the dishes are not bland, you can make homemade sauces ! I use organic soy cream (not the Japanese one, the white one which can replace fresh cream) and I can make tomato, mushroom cream... and sometimes I use a little Japanese soy sauce, to make woks.

- You can have two "cheat days" per month when you can eat something special, like a pizza, French fries, go to a restaurant... But if you find the right recipes for you, the diet will bring you pleasure when you eat anyway.

- There must be 1/4 of meat or veggie-vegan product, 1/4 of starch, 2/4 of vegetables on the plate

- Use a tiny plate and eat slowly

- NEVER forget to eat or think it will be better to not eat, or to vomit what you just ate. NEVER. You need to eat to lose weight healthily, effectively and sustainably.

- Don't do too many sport either. Your body have limits. Listen to it and don't hurt yourself.

- Be sure that the diet is the right one for you. Depend on how tall you are, how many calories you need per day, and some others things. Like, are you ill, do you have a syndrome ? For example, I have a polycystic ovaries syndrome, with a treatment for it, so it's hard for me to lose weight and that's why the diet is a bit "strict". Maybe you will not have to do all this, maybe you will need to do more... We are all different.

- Never forget that it will be long and difficult... After nine months, I'm not done yet.

The diet :

In the morning : a slice of rye bread, with a little (just a little, sorry I didn't listen to you here CF !!!) of butter, and a glass of water. Raw butter is good for your health, but you should avoid cooked butter. Sometimes, to change, once or twice a week, I take organic muesli with small pieces of dark chocolate.

For lunch :

- Monday : chicken, 20 grams of whole wheat pasta, eggplant, home made tomato sauce

- Tuesday : veggie soy steak, 10 grams of whole wheat semolina, spinach

- Wednesday : chopped steak, 20 grams of whole wheat pasta, carrots

- Thursday : fish, 20 grams of whole wheat rise, zucchini, with soja sauce

- Friday : veggie soy steak, 20 grams of whole wheat pasta, eggplant

- Saturday : a poched egg, 10 grams of whole wheat semolina, mushrooms with soja sauce

- Sunday : veggie soy steak, 20 grams of whole wheat rise, green beans

For dinner :

- In Summer / when it's hot: a slice whole wheat bread, white cheese, a fruit

- In Winter / when it's cold : a soup, a fruit, sometimes a piece of whole wheat bread

Snacks : They are not always bad, especially if you do a lot of sports. When it's 16/17 p.m., you can take a fruit, or two biscuits. Try to choose some with not too many sugar inside. Personally, I like to eat them with a good hot tea. And it’s only if you are really hungry at that moment, or else you can wait for dinner.

The sport :

At first, depending of your weight, it's better to lose fat, before trying to gain muscles. So do not too violent exercises, like walking, swimming, biking... Also do targeted exercises, such as abs, push-ups, flexes ... With small weights, exercises for the arms. When I lost 30 kilos, I signed up for a gym. The best, for me, is to go there three to four times a week (monday, wednesday, friday, and sometimes sunday), for a session of about 1:30. 20 minutes of cardio, 40/50 minutes of bodybuilding, 20 minutes of cardio. No need to run or lift huge weights. The important thing is the duration. You have to make repeated movements for the muscle to work. For cardio, the most effective way to lose weight is brisk walking and cycling. You can take a coach or go with someone. I hate going out alone, but strangely, for sport, I find it better, because it is I who organize my session like I want. On the other days, it is advisable to rest, so that the muscle has time to reform. I admit that I am a bad student here, and that since I have an exercise bike, I do small sessions at home, with targeted exercises.

#personal #my program #weight lose #advices #but talk with a doctor !!!

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twenty-nothing · 4 years ago

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OneHundredFiftyFive

Breakfast!

1.) Have you ever eaten a “balanced breakfast” like they show in cereal commercials (I.E., bowl of cereal, fruit, glass of orange juice)? Yes, but not often

2.) When’s the last time you made someone breakfast? Can’t remember, it’s been a long time

3.) What’s your favorite cereal?

Frosted Flakes

4.) What’s the highest calorie, most terrible for you breakfast you’ve ever had? Eggs Benedict with extra hollandaise with side of biscuits and gravy!

5.) Would you rather get breakfast from McDonald’s or Burger King? McDonalds

6.) Waffles or pancakes? Ugh, I love both of them but I’m more into waffles right now

7.) Eggs or cereal? Eggs

8.) Milk or orange juice? Milk

9.) PopTart or Toaster Strudel? Toaster Strudel

10.) Do you even eat breakfast? Not very often, more likely on the weekend than during the week

11.) Do you take vitamins with your breakfast? No

Lunch!

1.) When do you usually eat lunch? One

2.) Did you get notes from your parents in your lunch when you were little? Yes

3.) If you had one, what did your lunch box look like? I started buying my lunch around middle school so I don’t remember any I had in elementary school

4.) What’d you have for lunch today? Chipotle

5.) Do you like to go out for lunch? Where? I love going out. Wherever is good with me, I’m not picky

6.) Do you have/want any cute sandwich cutters? (They decrust your sandwich into a shape) Yes, I have one that makes them into uncrustables

7.) Do you sit with/meet with anyone for lunch often? No

8.) Have you ever had a peanut butter and butter sandwich, or does it sound appealing at all? No, and eh not really

9.) Is your lunch usually a hot food or a cold food? Truly a mix of both

10.) Has the word “lunch” been repeated so many times it’s a meaningless word by now? No?

Dinner!

1.) Do you follow the health rule of having a small dinner and big breakfast? No, I do the opposite

2.) Do you ever say a prayer before eating dinner? No

3.) What’s your favorite take out dinner, if you have one? Pizza

4.) Have you ever been taken out to a nice restaurant for a dinner date? Yes

5.) Did you grow up eating dinner with your family? How do you think that affected you? Yes, every night. It was nice, always up to date with what was going on with everyone

6.) Do you have “nice” dinner plates for special occasions? No

7.) Do you ever eat frozen dinners? Yes

8.) What dinner foods can you cook? A handful of good pasta dishes, fajitas, breakfast for dinner lol

9.) White or red meat (or their vegetarian substitute counterparts)? I like both

10.) Soup or salad? Salad

Dessert!

1.) Do you ever get dessert at a restaurant when they ask? Almost never, I’m always too full to make it to dessert

2.) Is there a dessert food most people like that you hate? Hmm not really

3.) Cupcakes or real cake? Cupcakes

4.) Ice cream or pie? Pie

5.) What kind of birthday cake (or other sweet birthday type thing) do you usually get?

Double Chocolate

6.) What was your favorite childhood birthday cake? Ice cream cake

7.) Do you have a favorite foreign (to a Westerner, anyway :P) desserts? (Baklava, biscotti, churros…) Yes, churros, baklava and cannolis I love!

8.) Do you bake sweets? Which are you best at? Not really often

9.) Have you ever had a good “diet” dessert, like something endorsed by Weight Watchers? What was it? I’m actually on WW now. I love chocolate graham crackers with frozen cool whip in the middle, a play on the ice cream sandwich. 3 point dessert!

10.) What’s your dream dessert? Crepe with strawberries and melted chocolate chips

11.) Do you watch shows like Cake Boss or Cupcake Wars? No

Snacks!

1.) What’s the best candy in the world? Frozen Snickers Almond

2.) Do you eat more snacks or full meals? Meals

3.) Is there anything you find yourself eating when you’re bored? Chips

4.) Do drinks with calories count as a snack? I guess, I don’t drink anything that’s not water very often

5.) What’s your favorite food that’s usually served at parties? Buffalo dip or rye boat dip

6.) Do you eat in class? If so, what is it, usually? I’m not in school

7.) Honestly, are your snacks healthy or bad for you? All depends what it is

8.) Potato chips or trail mix? Potato chips

9.) What do you usually get at the movie theater? Nothing, place is overpriced af

10.) Did you get fruit snacks with your favorite character on them when you were little? Yes and gushers lol

11.) Do you remember any sayings from conversation hearts? Which is your favorite? No lol

Food in general!

1.) Do you buy generic brand food? Yeah, about half the time

2.) Is there a common food you find repulsive? Beans

3.) What’s your favorite “ethnic” cuisine? Indian

4.) If you were stranded in a zombie apocalypse with only a full, run-of-the-mill and full-of-junk vending machine for food, which items would you eat first? Candy bars

5.) Are you a candy fanatic? I can be

6.) Do you like any weird food combinations? Mac and cheese with applesauce to dip

7.) Are there any foods you shouldn’t eat because of your religion? No

8.) Would you eat a bug if it was covered in your favorite food? Only for money lol

9.) Do you think being a vegan would be/is really hard? I think so

10.) Do you eat in the car? Not often

11.) Do you pay attention to serving sizes?

I have lately

12.) Fruit or vegetables? Veggies

13.) Mustard or ketchup? Ketchup

14.) Does mayonnaise disgust you? No

15.) What’s your favorite holiday, in terms of the food you get to eat during it? Thanksgiving

16.) Are you hungry? (: What do you plan on eating next? Nope its 6, already ate at 4. Probably just a snack before bed. Chocolate graham crackers

#random #long #survey #courtneyhelene

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loralee01 · 5 years ago

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Food Pyramid is all Wrong! Obviously.

I’d like to share my opinion about something important to me— that I believe the food pyramid is incorrect and that the majority of us are eating all wrong. Perhaps the food pyramid works in some ways, but it cannot be not entirely accurate and should not be used as a standard for everyone. I believe each person may do best by creating their own food pyramid. The way our food pyramid is treating us, simply isn’t working.

I love to study health and nutrition and I have done so all my life, but without formal training of any kind. I wouldn’t accept formal dietary training by most people anyway, since I believe in listening to our bodies, and I think I know my body best. I have heard that our health and fitness is based 20% on exercise and 80% on what we eat, though heredity can skew these numbers by 70% (learned this as I worked in the medical lab). Studies have shown that slim to medium-sized people, and those who rarely vary in weight, live the longest and have fewer health problems. I have incorporated these evidences into my studies of what might, and what seems to work best for my goals of life longevity, and overall health, and quality of life.

I first became aware of nutrition when I was five years old. I had always been taught that candy wasn’t healthy for my body and that dinner was, but I didn’t understand why— until one day, I listened to my father comment to my mother that he was getting fat, and that he would prefer she not serve him fatty foods. This was the first time I understood (and to a small degree) about being what we eat.

I began, as a teen-ager, trying to find out what types of foods were best for me. I knew I would need self-discipline to be healthy without the help on my mother. I had mostly eaten whatever my mother served, and that had worked alright, but I wanted to go into the world as an adult having some sort of guide or even some rules to follow, and I wanted a good-looking bikini body. I started trying different things. I began to practice not eating when I was already full. I always remembered to eat my veggies. I stopped trick-or-treating on Halloween. I very rarely ate out, and I always avoided soda. I liked taking control of my nutrition.

Living on my own made it very easy to experiment and learn what worked best for me. This is when I created my own personal food pyramid, which I believe can work better for everyone, than the food pyramid we are all familiar with. Americans are known to have a longer life expectancy than many other countries. But we are also known for being obese and diabetic. How much longer could we live healthy lives if we had a healthier standard or guideline of what to eat?

Discovering those foods that seemed to work best for me, showed me how far I had gone from following the familiar food pyramid. So, I started a little month-long research, studying and finding what may very well be the healthiest food for humankind. I wondered which food should really be on the bottom of the food pyramid. My findings weren’t extremely surprising to me and probably won’t be to anyone else either.

I found wild salmon to be the healthiest food a human can eat— only because it contains almost all the nutrients necessary to sustain life. Salmon lacks fiber, and is low in iron and vitamin c, but all other nutrients found in it can also be found in bread, an assortment of vegetables, dairy products, eggs, and nuts. Now, I love salmon so this was exciting to me. But I also love to save money, and I began brainstorming how I could reduce my grocery bill by adding salmon to it. I found several other food items I could go nearly without if I was eating a certain amount of Salmon. Bread (not grains), pork, chicken, dairy products, cold cereal, canned and boxed foods, never enter my grocery cart. I don’t recommend going entirely without any specific food item, however. We need nutrients from all food.

I created a food pyramid from my own studies, and for myself, that I absolutely love. Here is what I have created: I have Salmon and other seafood on the bottom of my pyramid. The second level contains dark leafy greens. The third level up contains nuts, legumes (beans), and olive oil. Level four has all vegetables (besides the dark leafy greens), the fruits and the grains. Then red meat and egg yolk are on the very top triangle. There is no dairy on my pyramid, though I don’t consider it to be harmful in every case— I just find it unnecessary when eating lots of seafood. Too many of our dairy products have massive amounts of sugar or salt added as well, which we should be careful not to eat too much of. There also are no meats besides the seafood and red meat. Salmon has enough protein and nutrients to cancel other types of meat out. But red meat contains things only red meat has, which are essential for healthy blood and skin and hearts.

Did you know there are people who live off only seafood, coconut, and limes? When I saw this on some islands surrounding Thailand, I was amazed this was possible. Natives of the snowy north live off only seafood, other meat, and berries. A man was stranded on a ship in the early 1900’s for 3 years. After finishing the food on the ship, he was left to just fishing, and for two years, he ate only raw fish which provided most of his water as well. These are signs to me that fish is substantial and nutritious. Nobody ever lived off just vegetables for very long. Bread can come close if served with occasional vegetables and a protein. But certain types of fish alone can feed us for a very long time. Salmon can feed us the longest.

My food pyramid is very high in protein, so to follow my food pyramid correctly, I need to drink a lot of water. I know this is very different from the food pyramid taught to me as a child. The food pyramid from my childhood is the one that has grains on the bottom, then fruits and vegetables on the next bar up, then meat and dairy, then some pyramids I have seen contain oil and even candy on the very top. Candy on a food pyramid? And why does the food pyramid change so often? Are we still guessing what should be eaten?

The problems I see with the food pyramid where bread is on the bottom and candy is on the top, is that the people who live in places this is taught are mostly overweight and have diabetes and heart problems. They can still live long lives, however, but at what quality of life? Humans are made of meat, not bread. Besides, bread is a step away from grains as it is made of not only grains, but other ingredients as well including preservatives— grains are most nutritious when they are as minimally processed as possible. We eat too much also, which may be the main reason our food pyramid doesn’t serve us well. It is easy to eat too many grains as they are convenient and affordable. It is more difficult to eat too much fish, which often needs cooked before consumption. This is another reason fish is on the bottom of my pyramid. I can’t understand why candy is even on any food pyramid when candy should never be ingested.

Now some of us have health concerns. I have hypoglycemia and high hematocrit (iron), so I made sure my food pyramid would work well for this. I have pasta more frequently than may be necessary for other people since I process the sugars from pasta differently, and it helps me to have energy and to not slip into a dangerous low blood sugar level. I eat red meat less than some others should because of my higher hematocrit (which could cause a stroke. My food pyramid was put together with health concerns in mind. Our current food pyramid would not cater well to anyone with blood sugar issues because of the amount of grains and fruits recommended, which can mess with blood sugar levels.

Most Americans are fortunate to live with plenty of food options. There is usually no excuse to not eat right, except that we may not know how to do it. Some do not get to choose how they eat and then they must be happy with what they get. But, for those who are fortunate enough to decide for themselves, I have offered a suggestion to try— my food pyramid. See how it works for your budget, lifestyle, and body. If my food pyramid doesn’t work for you, then try creating your own, or even sticking with the one we use now. Regardless of what your food pyramid looks like, it is yours. To have a general food pyramid for everyone can be dangerous if we use it as our only or main guide to nutrition. There should be as many different types of diets as there are people on the planet.

I care about my life and my kids and friends. That is why I care about what goes into our bodies.

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