#I have a lot of goals that are patient oriented I was just trying to sound conceited but it goes beyond that tbh

[stuckinapril]

I’ll be a doctor one day and all the pharmaceutical reps will be waiting in the lobby for hours begging for a chance to speak with me to push their samples to patients and I’ll have pharmaceutical companies buying free lunch for my employees every day just so they can sit w me at lunch and speak to me and I’ll also have a housewife/husband but instead it’ll be an office wife/husband and they’ll run the managerial aspects of my hospital for me . Among other things

[staytinyville]

Stay Alive (1)

BTS ot7 x Reader

Magical Creatures AU

Series Masterlist

Warnings: None

A/N I am very excited for this story! It has a good amount of world building that I enjoy doing so much! I took inspiration from Stay Alive by Jungkook/Suga in case you guys didn’t know! The beginnings are of course slow but that’s how most stories are to build up the tension. I hopeful for this story and I hope you all like it! Please feel free to ask if you want to be added to the taglist!

People walk among the same earth constantly. However the thing that sets us apart is the path we all take. Sometimes it's the same, other times it's the opposite. Some of us are meant for higher things while some are meant to suffer until things start to look up for us all. 

In a lifetime sometimes we won’t ever get the chance to see ourselves reach the peak we want. There are struggles we all face that will cause setbacks in the path we are taking. Only the ones who are strong enough to see the road to the end make it out alive. 

There will always be those out there who will achieve their goals in life some way or another. Those are the ones who don’t allow those setbacks to dictate their entire life. And maybe along the way someone will come along to help you grow stronger. Whether it’s one person or a whole group. You will see to the end of your path one way or another. 

“Most often than not you will be working on filing. If we are understaffed on a day, like today, we might send you in to write reports on the medicine we have already administered.” Suho, the lady who was placed as your preceptor, explained to you.

You had a grateful smile on your face, happy to finally get to start working. While it wasn’t the place you had been hoping for, you knew the pay was well for the kind of student debts you had. The pharmaceutical lab was meant to administer different kinds of medicines to the people who would sign up for a trial. They did the test on patients before they were given out to people. 

While you were being placed on the front desk for the most part, you knew you would need to work your way up to the spot you wanted and you were more than happy to reach for it. 

“What kind of medicine do you guys make?” You asked, trying to think about all that you had read on the company's website. 

It didn’t really give much about what they focus on so you found it really odd that they were so wide when it came to the things they were trying to cure. 

“You applied here and don't even know?” Suho frowned, looking at you appalled.

“I tried asking at the interview but they just gave me vague answers.” You explained. “The website doesn't tell you anything either.”

“We are very on top of the things we do here at HYBE.” She began to tell you. “There aren’t many people we trust to be hired onto the team so consider yourself lucky to be apart of it.”

“We make sure that our patients here are taken care of because we are a company that is trying hard to reach their goals. Because of that we are detail oriented when it comes to the patients we accept. Not just anyone can be a patient here.” 

While she did a bit more about the kind of company you were working at, it still didn’t really tell you about what it was you were working for. You didn’t choose to question it, knowing that the paycheck they gave you was a luxury for a lot of people. 

“Here are some of your patients for the day. They have already been given the medicine, it's up to you to check up on them for daily research.” You took the six files the lady handed you, nodding your head. 

You placed them onto the small desk area they had given you before going through them to check on the appointment times and ordering them correctly. The first one on your list should be waiting in the lobby by now so you were quick to take the papers and move along to the waiting room.

“Mrs. Han?” You called, a smile on your face. 

An older woman with a younger one came to a stand, slowly shuffling over to where you waited for them at the door. 

“Hello, Mrs. Han. How are you today?” You asked politely, leading the two women towards the scale. 

“I'm doing great! I'm so excited to share some news about the medicine you gave me.” The older woman exclaimed, a bright smile on her face. 

You hummed, keeping the friendly look as you wrote down her weight on the paper. You told them to follow you to a patient room to speak to her privately. 

“I see it was something for your dementia.” You spoke, moving the laptop in the room closer so you could take down everything the lady would tell you. “Is everything going okay?”

“It's wonderful!” The other lady exclaimed for her mother. At least you assumed it was her daughter from the notes that people already had written for you. Her daughter was the one who was in charge of all Mrs. Han’s things.

“You would not believe it but it's almost as though she's regressed in her illness! Mother was in a terrible state when she was offered this trial medicine. She took it and suddenly it was almost like she went back to before it grew to be terrible.”

You tried to write down what the woman was saying, but you knew there were more questions to ask before concluding the entire meeting. 

“Maybe she can get back to normal if she takes more.” The daughter spoke in a hopeful tone. 

“One step at a time, Mrs. Byun.” You kept the smile on your face so as to not let them think they weren’t going to find the help they needed. “We have to see how long this medicine will last first before giving her more doses.” You explained.

“Also, memory loss is nothing to be overly worried about if it's on occasion. Even I forget something's as well.” You told them. 

If there was one thing you studied, it was medicine. You knew the consequences of taking too much or too little. This company was in the slow movement of developing them so they had to be careful about how they administered their projects. People probably came in thinking they could get more if they worked perfectly the first time. However these kinds of things were tests, not the real deal.

“Of course.” Mrs. Byun nodded in understanding. 

The rest of the visit went by smoothly as you took down all the older woman’s rants and aches about the whole thing. With these kinds of surveys it was really about asking how each patient felt even if it was the smallest of things. You wouldn’t be able to tell if it had to do with the medicine or with something else.

As you told Mrs. Han and her daughter goodbye, scheduling the next appointment, the rest of you patient trickled in one-by-one. 

There was a man who had come in for a bad liver–he was an avid drinker–so the medicine was for corrosion to that organ. While you really tried not to say something about it, you felt annoyed that the man had explained that he still had a drink every once in a while. He was like Mrs. Han, the medicine was doing wonders. 

There was a child who had chickenpox, who’s mother explained that the rash that had taken over her son’s body was slowly dwindling down. Another lady who had come in for amnesia which only said that her memory was returning to before she had gotten into an accident. The others had external injuries like scrapes of their knees or a deep cut that needed stitches. From what you could see they were just given some sort of pain medication. They had expressed that their wounds didn’t hurt and it was actually healing at a fast rate. 

“They really work with a lot of medicine.” You spoke to yourself as you looked over the last file you had. You frowned your eyebrows when you saw the patient was in another level of the building. It was the lower levels, which meant in the basement of sorts. From what you knew that was where the labs were. 

“That's odd.” You tilted your head in confusion but made your way over to the elevators anyway. With your ID card, you pressed onto one of the underground levels, leaning back against the metal wall. When the doors opened, you were met with a lobby that had a couple of different doctors moving about. 

Following the signs, you found the door that led to some of the rooms patients were stationed in. You showed the security guard your ID explaining you were in that level of the building to check up on a patient. He took a look at the file you had in your hand, humming as he opened a door to the back for you. 

Overlooking the file once more to make sure you had the right number, you quietly counted the doors. As you passed by one, you felt a shiver go down your back causing you to halt in your tracks. The number three stared back at you as a weird feeling flowed over your shoulders. It felt like something was brushing up against them, pushing at your form. 

You quickly turned back around making your way to the room next to it. You checked over the file one more time. It didn’t really give you much about the medicine the patient had been given. All it said was that they were someone who was meant to be staying in the building for better observation. There were a couple of papers that you seemed to be missing, you noticed.

Before opening the door, you knocked politely. “Hello?” You softly called as you stuck your head in. 

The only light on was the bedside lamp which illuminated the dark room. You frowned at the aspect of there being no windows that would allow light from outside to come in. As you walked in closer, you let go of the door to have it shut by itself. “Mr. Jeon?”

“Who are you?” You gasped, nearly tripping on your feet from the hard flinch you felt take over. 

You took in the man who was standing behind you, trying to regulate your breathing. He only looked at you with a raised brow, his expression passive. You took up his large form, noticing the blue scrubs he wore were almost tight around his physic. He didn’t wear any shoes–was even foregoing to wear socks. 

“Oh,” You said as your breath returned to your lungs. “My name is (Y/N). Today is my first day so I guess I'll be your new nurse.” You explained to him.

“What are you doing here?” As he took a step closer to you, you subconsciously took one back. “You don't deserve to be here.” His voice went quiet as his eyes turned soft. 

Your eyebrows furrowed as you took in his worried expression, smiling awkwardly as you patted your hands to wipe the sweat forming on them. 

“I needed a job. Got school debt to pay off.” You tried to joke with him. He looked too serious, which made you anxious to touch him for his vitals. “I'm here to do a check up. Would you mind?” You asked, trying to build up the courage to get close to him. 

He didn’t say anything, just poked his cheek with his tongue, moving to the bed. You smiled in thanks, looking around the room to find the equipment needed. You purse your lips when you realize you would need to check his heart rate manually. Finding the padding needed to place around his arm, you made your way over to the man.

He flinched back as your hands moved to touch his arm, causing you to stop. “I’m going to check your heart rate.” You explained, remembering that you were the kind of person to make sure people knew what it was you were going to do. 

As he kept his dark eyes on you, he allowed you to softly touch his scrub sleeve as you moved the fabric up to place the padding in the right area of the arm. You moved your stethoscope from around your neck. “It’s going to be a bit cold.” You whispered. 

As you moved on with the check up, you watched the numbers on the dial move carefully counting to yourself. When you finished getting what you needed, you quickly let go of the air and moved the padding off his arm. As you did that, your eyes seemed to blur over the ink the man had. 

Your fingers gently squeezed his bicep, softly moving down the length of his arm. Your gaze drifted over each color and picture the man had, trying to figure out where one picture ended and the next started. As your fingers glided over his pulse on his wrists, the man involuntarily shivered at the touch. 

“Sorry.” You quickly pulled back, looking back up at him. “Your tattoos are really nice. I've never seen so many.” You bashfully smiled at him. 

He only looked at you curiously, his big eyes taking in your facial expressions. It made you feel flustered as he looked at you so deeply, causing you to lick your lips and look away. 

“You have a very strong heart. Very good blood flow.” You told him, turning away to write down his vitals. He slowly got off the bed and moved closer to you. 

“It doesn't say which medicine you've been taking which is really weird.” You frowned, looking over all the papers that you were given. There were some things missing but you assumed the high ups were looking over it. 

“You're different.” You jumped at the voice that spoke directly behind you. Turning around you tilted your head up at the man.

“How so?” You asked.

“You're nice.” The boy squinted his eyes at you, like he was trying to figure you out.

“Are the others not?” You frowned.

“Not the ones who come down here.” He told you.

You tried to quickly cover up your upset expression, looking up at the doe-eyed man with a smile. “Well I hope I'm able to come down here again.” You took up the paper you had written on. There wasn’t much explanation on what you had to ask him so you chose to go back up and see if you could figure out what else to do.

“Have a good day, Mr. Jeon.” You smiled brightly, waving from the door.

Jungkook tilted his head to the side as a warmth spread through his chest from your words. Not a day had gone by that he wasn't thinking about the dreaded place as though it was a sentence in hell. He had never met someone like you; someone who spoke to him as though he too was a person.

It made him light headed to think about the way your words affected him. He couldn't think of the last time someone had ever uttered those kinds of words to him. It had been so long-alone thinking this was what life was going to be like for the rest of his life. But suddenly things changed in the blink of an eye.

“Maybe.”

Series Masterlist

[bugeater101]

Stop Hitting Yourself

Synopsis: After four years of high school, you were sick and tired of Yang Jeongin. However, your inexperience with relationships combined with his persistence have you questioning your feelings towards him. Now, in the final stretch of your secondary education, you've somehow been paired up with that brute in a project. Yet, your study plans in the library take a different turn when you let your curiosity (and his perseverance) get the better of you.

Content: bully!Jeongin x nerd!fem!reader, plus size!reader, virgin!innocent!reader (doesn't know anything besides basic biology), dom!Jeongin, big dick!Jeongin, Jeongin is a dumbass (also oscillates between like cold bad boy and golden retriever boy), hand kink, reader has small hands, Jeongin has huge hands (duh), enemies to lovers, school AU, the reader is a bit insecure and endures a lot of bullying by Jeongin (teasing, mocking, comments related to glasses, no other negative comments related to appearance), mentions of smoking, 0-100 kind of plot, groping, spanking, pain kink, oral sex (male!receiving), crying, degradation, slight size kink, public sex, unprotected sex (please where a condom!!), mentions of breeding, vaginal penetrative sex, a hella cute epilogue.

Word Count: ~16.9 k (I AM SO SORRY)

Author's Notes: This fic is for my lovely and patient followers and hte amazing anon who sent in this request! Also, even though this AU takes place in a high school setting, please note that both Jeongin and the reader are 18+ in this fic. Minors, do not interact! This work also follows a lot of stereotypes about like "nerds" and "bullies" but bear with me y'all. If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, trussss that it is not because the bully is harbouring some crush on you. This fic uses such dynamics to simply build towards the smut and power dynamics. To quote Tyler the Creator, "Hey, don't do anything I'm about to say." Also, I would eventually love to do another and much shorter part two, but that is an idea for another time. Thank y'all as always!

Taglist: @scribblemetae @mygsis, @9900z @taekbokki,@imtoooyoungforthisshit, @jihanlovic, @compersian

You had three goals once you entered high school: get good grades, stay out of trouble, and try to have fun.

Yang Jeongin, however, seemed hell-bent on destroying any semblance of peace in your life. In fact, you bet that his whole schedule was dedicated to manifesting your misery. Or, possibly, he just brought torment with him wherever he went.

Nevertheless, it was accurate to claim that his purpose (in your perception) was to make you miserable. For the past school year, you had seen more of Jeongin than you ever wished to: your schedules put him in at least two classes with you every semester for four years and you also lived relatively close to one another. So, your encounters were frequent, expected, and... "memorable", to say the least.

Every day since freshman orientation, you have been forced to acknowledge Jeongin's existence on a daily basis. Almost immediately, he adopted a particularly cruel stance toward you. When it all first started, his taunts were just for fun and to seek attention, to say the least. Now, he just seemed mean. Not to anyone in particular: Jeongin was just a generally disagreeable person, and especially to you.  And it hurt.

Obviously, it hurt, who would not be hurt if they found themselves in such circumstances?

It was embarrassing to admit it, but Jeongin's indifference toward you was often offset by your more "cordial" feelings toward him. Actual motherfucking cordial feelings. In other words, you had harboured a small, tiny, minuscule, microscopic crush on him that even his meanest days could not challenge. So, you've had a crush on Jeongin since you first met him and it has been the dumbest thing you've ever done.

You remember when you first saw him. It was orientation for high school, the first day of the semester. You were a freshman and he was too. However, your appearance alone separated you and him into two distinct social categories. Like the delinquents that were his so-called friends, he wore his uniform messily: tie loose, shirt untucked, sneakers, and messy hair. Everything he did was with an insufferable air of nonchalance and disrespect, almost aggressive in the languid, lazy movements he made. Even his walk reeked of a cockiness that altered the milieu of the room. You couldn't believe how intolerable he was, nor could you believe how your cheeks flushed at the mere sight of him. High cheekbones, a fox-like face, slender build but definitely on the muscular side. God, not to mention he was big. He was tall, at least taller than the other boys in your grade. His height alone made him stick out like a sore thumb, not to mention his clothing. He had immediately caught your eye and it made you sick.

And then there was you: you were just as out of place as he was, but for entirely different reasons. Your hair was proper, your glasses were well polished, and your uniform was always ironed. Of course, the uniform rarely fit properly as you were bigger. The shirt never buttoned right and the skirt was too short in the back, making you feel much more out of place than you would have liked. Other than your rather ill-fitting uniform, your propriety and intelligence made you the odd one out. You contrasted much of the student population in those respects, especially Yang Jeongin.

For lack of a better word, you were a fucking loser. And so was Jeongin. But at least he owned it. Maybe that was what you liked about him, that he knew he wasn't much and didn't have to prove himself through school or other activities. Either that or how fucking attractive his jawline was or his messy hair.

Jeongin and his friends managed to sit somewhat near you during orientation. He couldn't see you from his position, but you could see him. His confident stare, the flirtatious grin he flashed, and the troublesome giddiness in his eyes would normally make you well annoyed. But, with him, it was somehow different, like he wasn't just another stupid boy you couldn't wait to ignore and forget. God. It was like some trope where he was the bad boy and you were some know-it-all who was desperate for some freedom, which he could offer you.

The entire assembly went over your head as your eyes transfixed on the boy who sat in front of you with his giggling gaggle of friends and troublemakers. You swore he thought he was one of the cutest boys you'd ever seen.

That all quickly changed once you got to know him.

You only had two classes with him that year but they were unforgettable due to the sheer torture he put you through. He would tease you, take your notes, copy off of your tests, and sometimes right his name on your homework (and he would still manage to get shitty grades). Needless to say, your fondness for him obviously and quickly diminished.

Yet, you still knew that those feelings hadn't entirely disappeared. They were still there, just somewhere deep down. However, some nights, those feelings were quite shallow and you didn't need to search so deeply to find them, as if you could reach out and touch them with ease. It happened late at night and only in the shroud of darkness. Your head would either be too busy or too slow, as if the overbearing presence of thoughts or their complete absence somehow created a tunnel to your most shameful yet needful desires. Though you wouldn't like to admit it, at these moments you find yourself pining for him. And then you feel those feelings, the ones that you don't really understand but you're too embarrassed to even type the words into the search bar and figure out what's going on so you just deal with them. And then you spend the night lying in your bed, tossing and turning to your memories of Jeongin, wondering what he would be like if he were here with you now. 

Fuck. You need a boyfriend, or to at least get laid.

Yeah. You're inexperienced, but you know the basics. At least, you think you do. When it comes to Jeongin, all logic gets thrown out the window. You often find yourself wondering what you actually want to do with him: to kill him or… God, you couldn’t even think of the filthy things you wanted him to do to you. Maybe it was because you were too embarrassed to think such things, or maybe it was because you truly didn’t know what to think. Despite acing AP biology and understanding how everything physiologically works, your lack of experience has made you rather ill-equipped when it comes to anything romantic or "alleviating" those feelings you have when you think about Jeongin. Either way, your mind was blank when it came to him, especially those feelings that make you toss and turn and pray that weird giddy feeling goes away.

Now, after four years, you can practically taste your liberation from him. However, it's becoming increasingly difficult to ignore his teases. Not only is he becoming more annoying by the second, but it also seems like he is just getting fucking hotter. Especially when he magically starts paying attention in class and you finally have a chance to stare at him uninhibited, as if being free from his constant attention finally gives you a chance to admire him. It looks like you are staring off into space, but really you are studying him. His pretty face, how good he would look if he cleaned himself up a bit more, or even admitting to yourself how good he looks all scruffy. You would study his body, how slender he is, how you want to feed him good desserts, how you think he would be the type of boyfriend to never resist eating his partner's food. Then you would acknowledge how he keeps his nail beds clean. How nice his hands are, overall. How nice they would be to hold. How big they are, how veiny... how that insinuates he is big and veiny in other places. 

...Okay, so you weren't completely out of the dating sphere. You were naive, but you knew how everything worked. However, you also knew that there was more than just strange feelings and vaginal penetration and orgasms and pregnancy and yada yada yada: there was more beyond sex than just sex. But, of course, you never worked up the courage to simply type lewd searches into Google or bother to ask any of your friends about it. Except for the hand thing, which is just that: a hand thing. A thing you have for hands, Jeognin’s hands, and yeah. Just a hand thing. Nothing else. Yeah.

Anyways, you remained—more or less—in the dark about sex. Though you would like to know more, you know that you've only felt certain feelings towards Jeongin, and only him, of all people. For any logical person, it is better to bury those feelings deep inside than let yourself accept that they are awoken by a ghastly man who cares little for you or your well-being.

You'd rather stick to your studies, anyways.

Today, however, was a particularly irritating day. Normally, Jeongin enjoyed following you around, jeering rude chants at you with his friends (your favourite was the classic and unoriginal "Hey four-eyes!" followed by a chorus of giggles), or trying to wrap his arm around you as you walked down the hall. Every time, you brushed him off.  However, Jeongin's irritability was off the charts since he decided that today was the day to dress in a particularly irritating fashion. He had completely disregarded his school uniform altogether. Why did this of all things make you mad, exactly? Because he looked fucking amazing.

Wrinkled white shirt. Loose tie. And sweatpants. Not just any sweatpants, but grey sweatpants. God, it was like he was trying to annoy you. How could he look so good while wearing something so informal? He was borderline infuriating in his presence alone, now you had to cope with how his sweatpants left little to the imagination. Though you wished that someone would put a stop to this reign of terror, you knew that the school administration had completely given up trying to control him at this point. This institution had become Jeongin's domain and you were intended to suffer through it as well as your rage-based attraction to him. Nevertheless, you pushed those feelings below your impermeable layer of school-related anxiety and ignored them. You found this trick especially useful to you when he was your lab partner in chemistry last year. It is an especially useful tool now considering you were seated across from him.

While you tried to keep your eyes focused on the board in front of you and not on the hunk of the man to your left, the task immediately became easier once your teacher announced the first big project of the semester.

"This project will weigh at around 20% of your grade and will replace this module's exam." Sighs of relief passed through the class in waves, the whole class happy to know that they just have to make a powerpoint rather than study all night for a written test that they would likely fail. Peace, however, was momentary.  

"However,” your teacher continued, “since this project is a large amount of work, it will be done in groups of two." You gave a quick smile to your friend and desk partner to your right, who smiled back.

"The groups, however, have been randomly assigned." Your faces both dropped. Actually, everyone stopped smiling. Then, waves of groans moved through the class.

"Stop complaining," the teacher sighed, rubbing her eyes. "To create a conducive learning environment that limits your amount of fun, I randomly assigned each of you to someone in the class who you likely do not talk to. I will post the partners at the end of class and I suggest that you start working on the project ASAP and throughout the weekend because it's due in a week." Another wave of groans rolled through the class and was immediately followed by complaints, questions, exasperated sighs, and a particularly harsh exhale from you. You hated assigned group projects. Due to your reputation, you were usually expected to carry the project along with whoever you were assigned. You never really minded the work as long as you got to choose your partner. Essentially, if the partner was your friend, you would happily and easily do all the work. But now that the teacher has “randomly selected” your partners (she surely just put them through a random assigning program), you felt your blood boil. Jeongin, however, was surely silently rejoicing at the announcement of a group-based project: it meant that he could coast by like he normally did in group projects.

The rest of the class drudged on with great exhaustion. Everyone loathed the prospect of seeing who they were paired up with at the end of it. The worst thing was that it was the Friday of a long weekend. School was meant to be the last thing on anyone's mind until Tuesday came around. You all should have been blessed with the freedom of three days off and whatever it entailed: drinking, parties, staying out late, suspicious excuses given to your guardians, small friend groups loitering at the park at night, getting high then going to the 7/11, and hangovers that you thought were terrible but would seem like small headaches when you're 22 and trying to keep up with college-level drinking. This was what the weekend was for. However, this teacher obviously loved to ruin everyone's time and force them to study and work on this project. 

With the final bell, the teacher headed out first followed by a mass of same-dressed students who were eager to see the possible stranger that they would be paired with. Jeongin left first, keen to leave but also being able to leave easily as he had brought nothing to class. After a few minutes, you and your friend followed behind the crowd, watching the mass of students as they shoved to look at the list of partners on the corkboard. Some sulked away, others jeered as they had been blessed with the partnership of a friend. Jeongin was one of the first to walk away, smiling smugly and playfully shoving his friend as they sat idly by, waiting for their partners to come to them.

After a few minutes of struggle, you and your friend finally made your way to the list.

"Who'd you get?" You ask as she studies the list first.

"That kid that sits behind us," she says.

"Oh, that's good! His name is Seungmin, he’s sweet."

"Yeah, but..." her voice trailed off.

"But... what?" You inquired, her voice making you uneasy. 

"You're gonna... your partner... just, see for yourself." She steps out of the way as your finger traces down the list to find your name.

And there it is. Next to your partners. And, frankly, you can do nothing but slowly turn and look at Jeongin leaning against the lockers behind you.

He gives you a small smile and raises his eyebrows.

"We'll meet at 5 in the library! I'll see you then!" He states with a twisted grin. With those few words said, he and his friend saunter off, leaving you dumbstruck with your friend praying for your well-being beside you.

“Y/n,” she asked with a soft touch to your arm, “are you okay?” You gave a stiff nod as you watched Jeongin walk away. 

God. Those fucking grey sweatpants look so good on him.

---

"You're lucky that you know the librarian well enough that we can be left alone here," Jeongin teased, looking up at the high ceilings and clearly impressed by them. His arms hung low as he carried the stack of books he had slowly accumulated in his arms. Well, you place them in his arms, he just took them because he didn’t really know what to look for or how to study or what this class was even about. 

You guessed by his expression (and from your past four years of being his victim) that Jeonging had probably never even set foot in the library. In fact, he had little to no intention of doing so for his whole high school career. Yet, thanks to you, here he was.

"I don't 'know the librarian,'" you groaned. "I volunteer here. Some of us need extracurriculars on our university applications. I just have the privilege of going here enough that I get an extra key to help lock up." You placed the book you were carrying on the wooden table and Jeonin copied your action, dropping the stack of texts with a sigh.

“In other words,” Jeongin taunted, “you know the librarian well enough to come here after hours”. You shot him a look before turning to the mess of textbooks and binders in front of you.

"We wouldn't be alone after-hours if we had just started immediately after class," you stated angrily as you sorted the books into piles for you and him. "But somebody had to go smoke with his friends outside, so now we've had to come after hours to study."

"Just know that it was a really good smoke break," Jeongin replied with glee as you divided up his and your reading materials, placing the books with a hidden rage that only came from years of bullying or sexual frustration. Or, in your case, a horrid cocktail of both. After you were done, you took a seat on one side of the table and gestured for him to sit opposite you. He got the hint and sat, immediately flipping through his books and shuffling them around, not even trying to look busy. 

"All I know is that we're here, alone, with no one else around and that I could trash this place if I wanted,” he continued with an air of cockiness you wanted to destroy.

At this point, you were really starting to regret everything that has ever happened to you. Sure, having a key to the school's immense library was a bonus of being a diligent student: you knew you could always escape here and it was entrusted in your care. Many times you had retreated to this place in the hopes of peace and quiet from the troubles of school. It was your sanctuary.

Now, an early library closing, a nicotine addiction, and a late study session had forced you to bring him here.

"I know you won't do that,” you shot back, “and I also know that I could just lock you in here if I wanted for the whole weekend.” Your response made his eyes go wide with what seemed to be shock and worry. However, when a smile broke out on his face, you knew that he thought your threats were empty. 

"You're fun!" He cheered. 

"I will lock you in here, Jeongin." You restated in a serious tone which he didn't seem to take as seriously. "Now,” you continued, “get started on studying. We have a lot to do and I have no intention of doing it alone. You need to look through the blue book. Read sections 2 to 4 and take notes on anything related to the assignment. Check the study questions, too: there could be info in the answers that could help us out."

"I hate that you're making me work," he complained in an obnoxious tone that could only be embodied by a teenage boy who had never been put in his place. "Normally I do nothing and the person just lugs me along."

"Well, I'm tired of carrying group projects, so you have to carry your own weight," you sighed. "Now. Start studying."

Jeongin gave you an eye roll before quietly retreating to his book. The silence quickly engulfed the library and you flipped through your book, looking at where to begin and fearing how much you had to tackle. 

Although this was a less-than-ideal situation, it did have its perks. To be honest, you never knew Jeongin could be quiet. It was nice to take quick glances at him while he studied, his face contorted as he analyzed the text and focused on his work. Just these few moments of silence seemed to give you hope. Maybe you could make the best of a bad situation. Maybe you could use this time to make Jeongin shut up for a few seconds and let you study his handsome face before being rudely disrupted by whatever dribble he decided to shoot out. Maybe this partnering was a blessing in disguise.

Your hopes were ruined as the silence was broken.

"God!" Jeongin groaned, leaning far back in his chair. "This is so borringgggggg!" Your annoyance immediately returned to your body. He was hot, but god did he like to pester you.

"Please, Jeongin, read the passages, I beg of you," you groaned as you looked through the books to find out the sections you were meant to study.

"Ughhhh..." he sighed. Suddenly, he loudly arose, chair screeching back as he picked up his books.

"What are you doing?" You asked, annoyed and barely looking up from the books you were still sorting through.

"I'm moving next to you," he responded as he waddled towards you, moving like a child who was purposefully aggravating a parent just for the fun of it. 

"Please, God, tell me why," you groaned.

"Because I'm lost!" He sighed, "I'm gonna sit by you because I hate being this far away and this lost at the same time. You have to help me Y/N if you're gonna make me carry my weight on this project."

As he slid himself and his books beside you, you prayed to every God you knew of—Jesus, Demeter, Allah, YHWH—that you would be vaporized then and there.

There was no escaping this irritation. Normally, you'd parry any advancements Jeongin made. Oftentimes, you would even take a different path home or avoid certain wings of the school altogether just to get away from him. To be clear, Jeongin didn’t actually frighten you. You weren't scared of Jeongin, you were just horribly, dreadfully annoyed with him. 

However, today was not a normal situation. There was no avoiding him: you were stuck with this fucking idiot on a group project with no hope of deflecting his pokes or prods.

"Oh, wait, before you start reading you should fix your glasses. They’re falling." He mumbles, "lemme… lemme just..." he then placed his pointer fingers on the center of your lens and pushed them up, readjusting the frames but dirtying your eyesight in the process. You shot him an angry look as he giggled, hating the smudge on the glass.

"If you must know," you seethed as you wiped your glasses off and placed them beside you, "I never wear them to read and study—two activities I still hope to do, despite your presence."

"Ah!" Jeongin dramatically fell back on his chair and grasped his heart as if he had just been shot straight through it. "Words hurt, y/n! I can't believe you would say such things to me! How dare you suggest I distract you!" He cried with a great fabricated sentiment.

Again, you rolled your eyes at his giggles and flirtatious fucking smile that made him look so damn dreamy that it made you want to punch a wall.

"Jeongin, please let me get back to studying."

"Call me 'Innie,'" he responded coolly.

You let a beat pass as you tried to process what he just said.

"...What?!" You hissed at him. That certainly got your attention.

"Call... me... 'Innie.'" His smile widened and he leaned forward, his face inches from yours and moving closer as he enunciated each syllable with mischief. 

Part of you wanted to push him away. You wanted to leave the library, march straight home, and write a strongly worded email to your teacher telling her that, despite her requirements, you desperately wanted to complete the assignment by yourself.

The other part of yourself, however...

Shamefully, that part wanted him to lean in closer. It enjoyed his playful smile and tone, and thought about how wonderful it was that you two were together, alone, uninterrupted. It thought about all you could do behind closed doors. It thought about things that made you anxious and confused and, frankly, made you want to turn your brain off.

So, you agreed with the former part.

"Jeongin," you stressed, leaning back. "Please go back to studying. I don't have time to play your silly name games." His exaggerated groan to your response almost made you crack a smile. Almost.

"Come onnnnnn, Y/n!" He wailed, voice echoing throughout the archives. "You don't even have to say it in public! Please! Only once!" Suddenly, he leaned in again and his face was now mere centimetres from yours. His voice was hushed and his eyes had a strange look in them, something that was serious and tempting. It seemed like he was trying to be playfully urgent in his words, but his voice made each syllable come across as languid, as if he were edging you on, almost daring you to obey him.

 "Just say it to me. Now, in private,” he pleaded.

Uh oh. That part of your brain that you tried to ignore was coming at you with a vengeance. You hardly noticed that your cheeks were starting to burn. Gathering all control, you tried to put an end to this foolishness. 

"We won't ever be alone together after next week,” you replied calmly. 

"What... what makes you say that?" He asked with a discouraged curiosity.

"Well... I can't imagine you'd want to hang out after this... after all..." you trailed off.

"After all...? What?" He continued, "After all 'I'm the smartest person in the district and intend to graduate top of the class so I don’t have time to hang out and do scumbag shit with my bestie Innie?"

Okay. Maybe Jeongin actually could humour you. After all, that impression is spot on. The blush on your cheeks had cooled now, but you had not noticed: your mind was too busy malfunctioning over the fact that you were smiling at something Yang Jeongin said to you. Jeongin had genuinely brought a smile to your face, and he seemed to notice, too.

"Woah! There's your smile!" Jeongin jeered, "I've been trying to get you to smile for like three or four years! 'Bout time!"

And just like that, your smile had disappeared without a trace. Your facial muscles even relaxed immediately, feeling no lingering strain from the act. How dare a fucking man tell you to smile, and to try and say that he has been wanting you to do so for four fucking years after bullying you for those same four goddamn years?! You felt like your chest would explode.

"What?! Where did it go?!" Jeongin whined, defeated and pouty because of it. "Pleeasseeeeeee smile again, y/n! You look so adorable when you do! I mean, you always do, but your smile! And I know you need your glasses and you look so cute with them, but I can finally see your whole face without them! Come oonnnnnnnnnn! Smileeeeeeee!!!"

Woah. Okay. Those words had sent that stupid, gullible, optimistic part of your brain into a frenzy. However, you clenched your jaw and kept a steady breath. You couldn’t let yourself get carried away as you knew it was all just a game to him. Everything was a game to him.

If Jeongin was telling the truth and that he thought you were “cute” or “always looked adorable”, you would have truly allowed yourself to believe his words. You would have beamed knowing that he thought it was beautiful if you did or didn’t smile, unable to hold back a response to his affection. If he was telling the truth, you were even ready to blush, beg, plead, flirt—whatever it took to keep him talking about how pretty you looked.

Yet, you are a pessimist, through and through.  Before your imagination could run off with the idea that Jeongin’s words were honest and genuine, your heart twined knowing that whatever he was saying was likely far from the truth. What Jeongin said was likely rooted in some foolish, mean-spirited, and twisted way of teasing you. He always did something like this after annoying you: poke the bear then tell it how lovely it looks before it has the chance to chase him down. It was just like those boys in junior high who would yell across the class claiming that “his friend liked you" while the very same friend made disgusted faces. The boys would laugh then, as if the very idea of loving you was a joke. The girls, however, would share a solemn silence, a solidarity only experienced by the victims of female adolescence and the macabre.  A

After all these experiences, you knew two things: boys were assholes and they were bullies. And Jeongin was part of them. 

So, at this moment, you felt dizzy from the sheer humiliation of his words and your  bubbling hatred. You couldn’t believe that Jeongin had the audacity to tease you like this, to say you were pretty when you knew that he had nothing positive to say about you. Saying such sweet things to you with nothing but ill intent behind them made you want to tackle him. Fuck his good looks or his conceited yet insanely attractive attitude. 

So, instead of letting yourself be hopeful and toy with the idea that he may actually be saying a nice thing, you did what you did every time: move past it and try to suppress your anger.

Clearing your throat, you returned to your book.

"Affection and coquetry won't work on me, Jeongin," you stated, eyes burning into the pages to try and ward off the pain in your stomach from his words. 

"Oh, really?" 

God. When will he learn to give up?! He leaned playfully on his hand and swiftly placed his elbow on the table, simultaneously and seamlessly nudging your book out of the way with a coy smile. The act made you huff through your nostrils and dignify his presence with a glare. He didn’t even register the pain his words had caused you. 

"They won't," you respond emotionlessly. All your emotions, however, became quite clear as you pushed your book back to its rightful place and shoved his elbow out of the way in the process, making him hiss from the pain. "And I doubt anything you do to me would count as flirtation."

Jeongin's sour face from the ache in his arm quickly changed to a wide-eyed, agape look. Oh no. The face of mischievous curiosity.

"I take that as a challenge!" He boomed.

"Oh, God, please smite me now," you mumbled, anxiety and rage rising. 

"I just gotta figure out what you like about me and just really capitalize on it," he pondered aloud.

Well. That statement made you scoff.

"I like nothing about you," you dryly stated.

“Oh, come on!” He responds, hoping your words were of off-beat humour rather than born from frankness. Your annoyance was boiling over, unable to contain it.

“No, it’s true,” you stated with malice. “You tease me about my looks and try to make me feel pretty just to tear me down. It’s honestly sickening and, frankly, after four years, it’s kind of unoriginal, Jeongin.”

“Y/n, what?”

There was no humour in your voice in the next words you spoke, no inkling that what you said could be taken lightly. You had let yourself speak freely and felt the burn of horrid words as they dripped from your tongue. 

 “In fact, I would say I’d rather hate you. Extremely so.” 

Silence engulfed the room. Not even the squeak of the chair as Jeongin shifted could be heard. You glanced up at the boy beside you. Jeongin was still and silent: two things he never was.

"...What?" you asked, your words met with no response but the cold echoes of the library. 

“Y/n, how could you say that?” His voice almost cracked as he asked the question. You glanced up at him and caught his eyes. They were glassy, empty.

Oh no.

Oh no... that dreadful empathy inside of you made your heart ache and your stomach churn. How could you feel so horrible after saying one mean thing when he's been nothing but disrespectful to you for four years?!

"I, umm... I—I mean" you tried to defend yourself without seeming like an asshole, which was becoming increasingly difficult as your mind raced to fill the space. However, you realized you had nothing positive to say at all. “Ah, fuck it,” you whispered under your breath. “Jeongin, be serious. Why would I like anything about you when you are nothing but mean to me?"

"Mean to you?!" He spat back, breaking from his hurt trance and turning to anger, simultaneously exacerbating your rage. "When have I ever—!" 

"You've been mean since the moment we met!” You shot back, “"You taunt me, tease me, and even follow me when we run into each other. It is hard enough dealing with academic stress, then I'm paired with the bully that makes my life a living hell and—"

"Bully?" He repeated with some distaste in his mouth and a saddened look on his face. "Is that what I am to you!?"

"What else would I call someone who's followed me every day for four years and has done nothing but jeer at me with his friends?! It is hard enough wanting to please everyone and excelling at school despite what I tell myself. But then I get some guy harassing me every day like it's his fucking day job. What else would I call him if not a 'bully'?! What, Jeongin, what?!"

The library walls repelled your voices again and let its old age absorb the hateful things you spat at each other. Slowly, the sound waves dissipated and silence consumed the wooden room. As the quiet settled, Jeongin let a beat pass, nothing to be said as he, too, let your words sink in.

"I... I just wanted..." His voice was hard, stern at first. Then, he sighed, cleared his throat and darted his eyes away, tone changing to a nervous and humble one. "I just… I'm sorry, y/n. Please know that, okay? I never meant for it to be like that or to go this far or even in this direction. Please know that."

The library had never seemed so unsettling to you until this moment.

Your mind dissected his words, prodding them and pulling them apart and trying to find if he was being malicious. Strangely enough, his words seemed... genuine. 

Great. This meant two things: 1) that he was genuinely sorry after bullying you for four years, and 2) that, if you wanted to be the bigger person, you had to accept it. Worst of all, your brain came up with the perfect way to accept his apology and also humble yourself, and you really hated how perfect it was and how humiliating it would be. Sometimes, your really fucking hated how your brain worked.

"Innie,” you said softly, “Thank you.” 

Jeongin's eyes went wide, so wide you swore they would pop out. The gasp that followed made you believe that he would consume all the air in the room. 

"Say—say it again!" He stammered out excitedly.

"No," you replied as you cracked a small smile. "Take it as a peace offering. I, the person who spoke so ill of you, am extending an olive branch to you, the man who has wronged me."

"I understand so little of that metaphor but just know that I'm happy," he smiled. You rolled your eyes at his idiocy and smiled.

However, before you could conclude the discussion and finally, finally, finally, return to your book, Jeongin raised his hand in a half heart.

Hand. Jeongin's hand.

"What... what are you doing?" You mumbled out, studying his digits.

Pretty, big hand.

Fuck. Not these thoughts. Not now.

"C'mon, y/n! I'm making a heart for you to finish! As a peace offering or a tree branch or whatever you want to call it! Like this, yeah?" He demonstrated by making the shape with both hands, making a complete heart and showing it to you with a boyish grin.

Big, soft, veiny hands.

"Uh, y-yeah, Jeongin," your hand was shaking as you raised it to his own. Fuck, they were even bigger in comparison to yours. 

Hands. Hold. Touch. Big and veiny and... big...God, what well is big?

That fucking part of your mind needs to shut the fuck up before you lobotomize yourself with a #2 pencil. Luckily Jeongin’s giggles as your hands briefly met to form a heart between the two of you snapped you away from such thoughts.

"Guess we're friends now, huh?" You muttered, trying to distract your perverted inner monologue.

"Aw, y/n!!!" He boyishly cheered. His impish smile was contrasted by his low chuckle. However, your own joy was challenged when Jeongin quickly interlaced your fingers in his.

Oh no. 

My tiny hand in his.

"Wait, your hands are so small!"

So big... so big compared to me... so soft, so warm...

"Y-yeah, I've heard that before."

"They’re so adorable! My hands look so big compared to yours, yeah?" His other hand lightly traced your wrist before grabbing it and forcing you to spread your fingers to compare hand sizes.

So, so big. Could barely wrap my hand around him. Could barely wrap my hand around his—

“Wow you’re right,” you responded nervously. 

You started to feel that strange feeling, the one you only experienced in solitude in the dead of night, not sitting across from a man who may or may not be your bully anymore and is using you like a plaything. God, why did that thought make these feelings even stronger? You crossed your legs and hoped to squash the voice in your head.

"Like woah! I knew my hands were big but this is crazy!"

Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it—

"Do you have anything else that’s big that I should know about?"

...oh fuck.

This library has gone through too many auditory extremes today. You know that this has got to be the loudest goddamn silence you have ever or will ever experience in your life. Both of your eyes were wide, your stare locked in with his as you sat engulfed in shock.

For the first time today, you felt just how hot your face was.

It felt like an eternity was passing within these seconds of horrifying, dreadful awkwardness. You prayed that once you would finally blink that he just be gone. Sadly, he still sat there, face unchanging and unforgiving.

His hands still held your own.

Breaking the silence, he let out the driest of coughs.

"Well, it's—"

"I-I'm sorry," you stuttered out. "I didn't mean to—"

"It's—It's no worries, truly," he stammered over. The silence came again, but less horrendous this time. Or maybe it was worse, you couldn't decide. All you noticed was the fact that his hand still hadn't left yours. 

Jeongin decided to speak again, quieter this time. His eyes were wide, but glancing around frantically, trying to search for the right words. A harsh blush was forming down his ears and hard turned his honeyed skin into a scarlet red. You were strangely comforted knowing that he was just as mortified as you.

"I-It's wrong you know." He hesitated to continue. You, however, were all ears.

"Jeongin," you said slowly, "whatever do you mean?" He sighed, embarrassment consuming him.

"My friends looked it up and... apparently nose length is a more accurate measure.... but... you know..." Though you were fascinated to learn about this new little tidbit of info and that Jeongin actually knew something, you were way too focused on what he wanted to say.

"But what?" you asked in a small voice. His palm was sweating against yours as heat radiated from him.

"Well, just that.. you know... it's not like a rule. There are exceptions. It's just like a theory, yeah?" You nodded, glad to understand what he meant by that. Yet, you swore, that as he finally dropped his hand, exposing your skin to the bitter air of the dusty library, Jeongin uttered a brief  "I should know." Though you wanted to poke and prod, you opted to just nod and turned with him towards the table, staring at the stack of unread books. 

“Anyways…” you said, breaking the silence, “let’s get started.” Still, you couldn't help but sneak quick looks at Jeongin's face, trying to decide whether or not his nose was longer or shorter than average.

This had to be your least productive and positively worst study session ever. 

"What section do I have to read again?" Jeongin asked.

Oh, thank God he said that. You much preferred harassing him about not paying attention than whatever the hell you just experienced.

"I told you," you sighed, flipping open his book and pointing at the contents. "These sections! 2 to 4! Please! Start!"

"But what if I get borreedddddd?" Jeongin groaned. There he was! There’s the annoying Jeongin you know. "I can barely see what you pointed at anyways! Can’t you just help me out?"

"Ohmygod," you muttered, tired but willing to do anything if it meant he shut up and study. "If I were to help you for a bit, do you swear to properly study and leave me alone after?"

"Pinky promise!" He smiled gleefully and stuck out his extended, large pinky finger. After staring blankly at the digit, you linked your smaller pinky around his and slung your head in defeat.

"Okay," you muttered. "Let's begin."

For a bit, this plan worked perfectly. After only 20 minutes, you read through section 2 together and helped point out the more important parts of the text. The 20 minutes were difficult, however. Being this close to him, being able to smell his cologne—which was nice and smelled expensive, contrasting his scruffiness—and brushed shoulders with him was almost too much. Wow. You really were touched starved. Nevertheless, your own lameness was virtually undetectable to you. You were more focused on how well Jeongin retained the information and how neat his words were. You guessed that his utter stupidity was most likely due to his inability to focus, which was still a struggle even as you helped him. Nevertheless, as you began section 3 and were about to return to your own work, you knew that he had already come a long—

"HOW LONG HAVE WE BEEN DOING THIS?" Jeongin cried.

Ah. There he is.

"Just a little more, Jeongin, okay? Please, just be bearable. I have my own work to do," you whined, stomping your feet from exhaustion. Even when he was trying to be polite, he still knew how to get on every one of your nerves.

"Can you please just keep helping me? Just this section and then I swear you can get back to your work?" He pouted. Was... was giving you puppy dog eyes?

You sighed. Again, defeated.

"Yeah, sure," you replied, "let's start here—"

"Y/n?" He interrupted. You rolled your eyes.

"Yes?" He let your snark reply hang before smirking.

"Come closer," he nudged playfully with a smile you would almost consider flirtatious if you hadn't been constantly reminded about his disobedient behaviour for the past hour.

"Why?" You asked genuinely.

"You're squinting! You said don't read with your glasses on but it's straining your eyes! Just..." he thought for a moment, glancing around. "Ugh, whatever! Here—"

Unexpectedly, his hands found their way around your body, slinking under your legs and around your back, sliding under your thighs and brushing the exposed skin.

"Jeongin! I can just put my glasses on—" you blabbered out nervously as he continued to lift you.

"Just come here, fuck!" He shot back, finally raising you from your chair and sliding you onto his lap.

"Jeongin!" You yelped.

Normally, anytime someone picked you up made you want to scream. This, however, this made you want to die.

As if by some magical swiftness, you had now found yourself sitting on Jeongin. Well, not on him. Just between his legs. His long legs were spread out, your thick thighs barely fitting onto the chair as he caged you. And he hadn't remembered to tuck your skirt in when you sat down, so now it splayed open. It had ridden up, exposing everything but your white cotton panties, and was surely flipped onto Jeongin's pants at the back. You just prayed he couldn't see anything. However, he probably couldn't considering how close he was. Worst of all, he kept you close by resting his hands on your hips, making sure you sat still. The pads of his long fingers held your tummy softly, dipping into the fat as his thumbs rubbed slowly up your lower back.

You swore you had never felt so warm in your life. As you broke out in a sweat, you feared that his wolfishly big hands were paired with a keen sense of smell.

"There!" He giggled, resting his chin on your shoulder and leaning his head against yours, studying the book with intentness that starkly contrasted the intimacy of how he held you. "Now you can see well!"

You opened and closed your mouth a few times trying to find something to say. Though his completely nonchalant demeanour was to be expected, you were still shocked but the literal position you were in. Not to mention the way his thumbs slowly drew circles on you while his hands shifted to hold your stomach. Your stomach for godsakes. How does he know exactly where to hold you to make you feel so secure and so goddamn embarrassed at the same time?! You pressed your thighs tightly together, trying to smother the weird feeling building between them that you tried so desperately to avoid. While you squished them your legs, your thighs were simultaneously crushed on either side by Jeongin's own, which were incredibly muscular: a feature you had never noticed until you were stuck between them.

"How..." you asked, "How did you do that? Aren't I heavy?"

"Am I complaining?" He asked back, a smirk in his voice. He wrapped his arms around your waist now, tugging you closer and pressing his chest fully into your back. "If you were ‘too heavy’, you wouldn't be sitting here right now, hm?”

"I-I suppose..." You start, not knowing what to say next.

"Now," he sighed with an air of exaggerated contentment, "if you want to finish this project sOooOOoo bad, then help me study!" God, how could he have you in the palm of his hand— literally— and still manage to pester you?!

"O-okay," you stuttered unsurely. "Well, let's start here and—"

"Mhm," Jeongin hummed, still massaging your fupa lightly and pressing his chest firmly against your back. You tried to burn a hole into the bookk—a feeble attempt at trying to distract yourself.

"A-as you can see," you coughed, "this section is more about analyzing the um..."—one of his hands started to rub lower—"the events t-talked about in the previous section a-and"—the other starts moving up, ghosting over your chest and playing with the top button of your shirt, leaving your tie untouched despite how you desperately wanted to loosen it—"t-trying to c-contextualize the previous section and… p-provide some background and… umm…."

"Gosh, y/n," Jeongin chuckled as his fingers rubbed the column of buttons, "I thought you were such a good student, but you seem so distracted. It's funny really."

Maybe he’s just distracted, you tell yourself, trying to reason what in the hell was going on. After all, he can barely sit still in class and often toyed with loose hems or drew on the margins of his papers. Therefore, it was perfectly reasonable to assume that he was just doing the same now: toying with your uniform as a means of distraction. He always played with you anyways, so it was safe to assume that it was some attention deficit that caused him to trifle with you. That's all it was. Or, at least, you prayed that would be the truth. As his hand fiddled with your skirt’s hemline and the other began loosening your tie, you were just hoping that this was all some absent-minded game for him. If that were the truth, then hopefully this dreadful pressure from between your thighs would disappear. It was building with every second and your panties were now so tight, so straggling, and so wet, latching onto your folds and aiding in your growing shyness.

"J-Jeongin," you began, "c-can you—"

"Innie, please, y/n," he teased in a low voice against your ear. "To you, it's Innie." Though you wanted to scream at him for uttering that petname again, you decided to push your pride aside. You needed him to stop, and you needed to utilize every tool in your arsenal to do so.

"I-innie," you stuttered out, shivering from the warmth that lingered on your ear from his breathy voice. "Can you please stop... you know... t-touching me?"

Again, Jeongin laughed. But, this time, it was drier, with less playfulness behind it and less mercy.

"Aw, y/n," he whispered into your ear, causing you to squirm a little, "I thought we were just having fun. Are you really getting all worked up over a few little touches? I thought you would like it more, you know, considering it's my big hands doing it." His last words were strongly enunciated by his hand tugging on your tie to gain access to your collar buttons. He started to play with them as you huffed, undoing them teasingly.

You were fuming at his words, knowing that: 1) he was just doing this because—at his core—Jeongin was just a fucking asshole, and 2) he was, sadly, correct. Still, you were determined to not let him know that he was right. Knowing him in the way you do, you couldn't let him take this victory

"I-is that really what this is about? Are you really hanging on to that! I had a lapse of judgment f-for one second and—" another button was undone and he began working on the next. After this next button, your bra chest would be exposed. It was only covered by an ill-fitting bra and you silently cursed your frugal self for not investing in better undergarments. Still, you continued. You had to. "I-I just fucking hate that you'd bring it up again! You just love to make fun of me d-don't you?! God, Jeongin, it is so typical of you to t-tease me like this and—Ah!" 

The sound of clattering buttons across mahogany and the sudden exposure to air frightened you. Jeongin, however, didn't seem to mind.

"I told you," he stated in a voice you had never heard him use before. "It's 'Innie'. Yes?"

Clearly, he had gotten sick and tired of you talking. He just wanted you to finally be quiet, much like how you wanted him to do the same. To accomplish this, his hands found the opening of your shirt and ripped the fabric open, scattering the last of your buttons, ruffling your shirt, and exposing your chest to him. In exposing you, Jeongin gained the upper hand. It was obvious that all pride, all power you had disappeared. However, his action had also done something else: the sensation you tried so desperately to conceal was making you hopelessly needy. You unconsciously began to twist your hips, rubbing your thighs together in hopes of eliminating the feeling.

The book in front of you was long forgotten.

"Yes..." you replied back in a small voice. "Yes, Innie. S-sorry." You could almost feel Jeongin smile behind you, but, if you truly could, you didn't notice due to his hands returning to their place on your collarbone and stomach. His fingers now languidly traced your clavicle while the other massaged your tummy, fingertips slowly digging into your skirt and pulling out the parts of your shirt that were still tucked in. 

"What a good baby," he chuckled, paying no mind to the nickname, though it made you redder than blood. "So fucking horny and no way to ask it. Such a fucking pervert. I bet you wanted this, didn’t you? You're even rutting back into me. Trying to get me worked up, hm?"

"No," you gasped with deep embarrassment, "never!"

"Tut tut, y/n," he tsked. "I know you're up to something."

"If anyone is up to something, it's you!" You protested. Your exclamations only made Jeongin laugh.

"Now, now," he giggled, "you wouldn't want anyone—say, a janitor or a lingering teacher—to hear us and come in? Wouldn't it be bad to see their star pupil being fondled by the school delinquent? Wouldn’t it be bad for them to notice that you liked it?"

Fuck. He knew how to shut you up. You turned your head to catch his gaze, shame and that peculiar feeling spreading all over your body into a delightful mix that only exacerbated your guilt. He knew he had you.

"That's what I thought," he laughed. "Now—"

Quickly, his hands moved toward your chest, dragged your bra down, and began to pinch your nipples, massaging your breasts and causing you to moan. Your hips increased their shallow rolls in an attempt to alleviate the pain. As you did, you felt what you could only suspect to be Jeongin's growing erection pressing into your ass. He definitely hiked up your skirt sometime before and was enjoying the sight of his clothed cock rubbing against your panty-clad behind.

"Innie! W-what are you—?"

"Oh, baby," he laughed and he rolled your buds between his fingers, making you whimper, "You say I'm distracting you from studying, but now your acting like such a little slut from only a few touches. You're so sensitive. I swear, you could be a virgin, hm?"

You dared not respond, only offering him a shy look as he continued to rub your chest.

"Oh," he giggled, "oh, of course you are. My sweet little goody-two-shoes hasn't had anyone touch her pussy yet, hm? My little virgin baby, yeah?"

"P-pussy?" you repeated, knowing that the word was dirty from the way it left a delictable taste in your mouth.

Jeongin mused, "My my, you are inexperienced." He let out a laugh that brought tears to your eyes, though it wouldn't be the first time he had made you cry. You were so frustrated and felt so strange and your panties were so wet and surely see-through and fuck! While your mind raged. Jeongin let one of his hands slip down your body and down your stomach, moving his other hand to grope the tit it had abandoned.

"Your pussy," Jeongin continued, ignoring your squirms and internal war, "is this right here."

Everything clicked as his fingers rubbed the damp white cotton into your pussy, rubbing up and down your folds with his middle and ring finger, slowly stopping to rub your clit and make your head spin. You glanced down, noticing how large his digits were and wondered how much he could stuff inside of you.

"Such an innocent fuck toy, never been used," he rambled, tongue licking the conch of your ear and making you whimper.

"J-Jeongin—I mean, Innie," you corrected. You could tell he was pleased by the way he hummed into your ears while he nibbled on the lobe, an action that should not make you want to moan as much as it should. "P-please stop touching me, it isn't appropriate.”

"But I thought I was helping you study, y/n," he pouted in a pouty tone, fingers never ceasing their motions. "Isn't this keeping me distracted? Isn't this helping you study? I need something to fiddle with, and you’re the perfect fucking stress toy for me." A particularly harsh rub into your panties and a tight grasp on your chest made you yelp. "Aren't you liking this, y/n? Liking me touching your soaking cunt? Fuck, you even soaked through your panties, how pathetic. " He spoke humorously through gritted teeth. He returned to slowly groping you, kissing down your neck loudly and rubbing his erection into your backside. You felt like you were going to explode. 

"You are, aren’t you?" he panted as he rocked back and forth into you, drooling down your neck. "I thought you were a better student than this. I thought you were such a good girl who was put off by teasing. What did you call me again? A bully?" He said the word with joking vehemence; teasingly but backed by a viciousness that made you crumble. "Would a bully do nothing but defend you for four years? Would a bully beat up any fucking nerd who insulted your intelligence? Would a bully praise you and call you pretty only to be given the cold shoulder just ‘cause you didn’t believe it? Fuck, I wonder what the school board would think if they saw you like this, being fondled by a fucking bully." His words turned to mush in your head, your brain frenzying at his confession and his touches. 

"Jeongin, please, I didn’t know! P-please, I just thought you didn’t l-like me, Jeongin. I thought you were m-mean and—ah!"

Your pleas were cut short as Jeongin stood up and shoved you forward, bending you over the table as his chair loudly scraped. He ripped—literally, ripped off your shirt at the seams, the sound filling the room along with your cries, with your bra being pulled off next. You were left in nothing but your shirt and tie: Jeongin wanted you to be at least a little dressed up for him when he claimed you. He grabbed your hair by the root and pulled your head up, making you release a sound that was a mixture of a cry and moan. The pain was unbearable, but the suffering mostly came from the absence of Jeongin's hands on you. At this point, you had realized that this feeling was some disgusting, perverted form of horniness directed at a man you hated. It made you feel dirty and desperate. But, most importantly, it made you feel in dire need of relief.

"I told you, y/n," Jeongin growled in that angry voice which didn't suit your impression of him, "that isn't my name." He released your hair and let your head fall to the table.

"I'm—I'm sorry," you begged as he moved the discarded books out from under you and threw them off the table. "P-please don't do anything mean!"

Funny. It was really funny to see you beg for him. It made him chuckle dryly before he hung himself over your back, once again pressing his chest into you—which you could feel was bare, meaning he must’ve removed it in the midst of things, leaving him in only his sweats.

"Oh, my innocent little baby," Jeongin panted into your ear, "you will be sorry." Jeongin's playful and perverted voice was matched by his hands slowly tugging down your panties, an action that caused you to chant a mantra of "no's" as your pussy was exposed to the cold air. Eventually, he had gotten impatient and tore the fabric up, an act that made tears fall from your eyes.

"Aw, don't worry, y/n," Jeongin humoured after seeing your lip tremble when he returned on top of you, caging you in and rubbing his clothed cock into your exposed cunt. "I'll take such good care of you after you learn a little lesson, yeah? Don't you just love to learn knew things, you fucking inexperienced little know-it-all?" You squirmed under him, begging for more and praying that he would give it to you. Yet, it seemed that patience offered itself to Jeongin when it pleased, and now he seemed to have all the time in the world.

Slowly, he rose his body from yours and rested his hands on your ass, rubbing the flimsy skirt and toying with your fat.

"Such a dumb fucking little virgin," he groaned as he let your pussy dampen the front of his sweats, pressing his throbbing dick into your needy cunt and making you whine. "Needs to learn a lesson."

Swiftly, his hand pulled away and slapped your ass.

"Innie!" You cried from the feeling, tears continuing to fall as his hand reached up and spanked you again, filling the library with lewd sounds to accompany your moans and his grunts.

"Say my fucking name again," he whispered with venom as he continued to spank you, enjoying how your ass reddened with each hit.

"Innie, Innie! Please stop!" You sobbed, making him laugh.

"Just—a few—more," he stated, marking every few words with a repeated spank. His other hand toyed with your ass, enjoying the softness and how your untouched flesh contrasted the growing blush on the other cheek.

"Y-yes—fuck! Yes, Innie!" You whimpered.

"God, such a fast learner," he grunted, continuing. "Aren't I helping you study, now? What if I helped you study every day, yeah? Licked your little cunt every time you got an answer right and then spanked you when you get one wrong? Maybe that'll help with your studying. Do you want a study buddy, y/n? Hm? Do you?"

"Yes, fuck I do!" You sniffled in defeat. "Only Innie, only Innie can teach me. Please!"

Finally, after a loud and particularly harsh spank from Jeongin accompanied by a satisfied grunt, he decided that your study session was over. He settled his large hand on your ass and rubbed the scarlet skin to try and coax you back down. Your back rose and fell while your knees buckled from the torture he had just put you through. You let out a sharp hiss and every time Jeongin's hand lovingly fondled the abused flesh. Jeongin, however, was beyond elated and relished your pain. In another demonstration of his strength, he flipped your body over like a ragdoll and pushed you onto the table so your legs hung over the edge. He then slotted himself between his legs and greeted your puffy face with a broad grin.

"Such a good little student for Innie," he teased. Pushing into you further, he let his cock press against your soaking cunt and further drench his sweatpants in your juices. The warmth of your bares chests pressing together made you smile while the squish of your breasts made Jeongin rejoice in being able to indulge in the plumpness of your body. He placed a layer of kisses from your forehead down your face, licking away your tears and shushing your sniffles.

"Did I do good?" You sniffled. Jeongin held his body over yours, blocking the light above with his broad, bare shoulders. He looked down at you with a mixture of emotions behind his eyes which were hard to discern, but were surely good-natured, regardless of his previous actions.

"Of course, y/n," he hummed, "so good." He let his hands roam up and down your bare thighs to reassure you, coaxing a smile out of you.

"Really?" You asked with a lightness you didn't expect as you reached up to cradle his face

"Absolutely," he chuckled while only moving to lay his hand over yours. He leaned down again and resumed his trail of kisses down your neck towards your chest. Your hands helped pull him down to you. You played with his thick locks before trailing your fingers down his back muscles. 

"Such—a—smart—and—pretty—girl,” Jeongin cooed between every kiss to your chest. Each kiss between his words only increased your sense of pride and the neediness between your legs. The feelings only worsened when Jeongin finally attached his mouth to your nipple while he groped the other, suckling on you with a ferocity you didn't expect.

"F-fuck," you mewled as spit trickled down your chest.

"Are you ready to continue our lesson?" Jeongin asked while moving to suck on your other breast. 

"Yes, Innie" you purred as you arched your back to meet his mouth. “Always ready for you.”

He chuckled and continued to satisfy you a bit longer, caught up in your moans and almost forgetting the pain of his erection as it desperately kneaded your cunt. Despite your small protests, he finally pulled himself away. Smiling at your pouty expression, he sauntered backward and stared at your limp body before speaking. 

"Stand up."

It was embarrassing how fast you rose to the ground. You were only focused on following his orders, obeying him, needing more and fearing that you would get nothing if you were disobedient. You barely even noticed how naked you were until you felt the cool air meet your spit-covered tits. Yet, when you moved to cover yourself, you stopped when Jeongin gave a look that said “I am not afraid to bend you over my lap and spank you again.” He smiled when you let your arms drop to your sides.

"She's such a good girl," he muttered aloud, reaching out to pull you forward by your tie. Your eyes were only on him and his sweat-covered chest and dishevelled hair and raw lips that kissed your body so perfectly.

He let his thumb slide up your jaw as he tugged you to him, hand sliding up your cheek and holding your face before tilting your head up. Then, as if the punishment didn’t happen, as if this annoying study session didn’t happen, as if these past four years were just a fever dream that you had finally awakened from, he leaned down and captured your lips in his. He kissed you—truly kissed you—for the first time, but, surely, hopefully not the last time.

When he finally broke away, he studied your soft eyes and offered a small kiss to your forehead, as if he were sealing you as his and promising that "Yes, I am sorry for the way things were. I'm sorry that what began as meaningless teasing just for fun turned into a fucked up crush. I am sorry that I haven't told you until now. I'm sorry that I'm such a fucking perverted loser that I couldn't just tell the beautiful girl that I had a crush on for four years that I liked her. I'm sorry that it took four years just to kiss you. I’m sorry I kissed you under such circumstances. Just know that I want you. I want you, so deeply and so passionately, so please just drop to your knees and fucking suck my cock and let me kiss you and fuck you and hold you and let me be yours and you mine." Instead of speaking the words he wished, he simply changed his stare and licked his lips, catching the lingering taste of you on them.

"Wanna learn something new?" He asked rhetorically, thumb gliding on your lower lip. You didn't even respond to him. Not a nod or a hum. You simply just allowed your mouth to open and have his thumb slip in, immediately rubbing the digit with your tongue and soaking it in spit. You didn’t want to respond or even acknowledge the act, not when you waited four goddamn years to suck his fingers. 

"I'll take that as a 'yes,'" Jeongin mused. "I think you can assume what I want you to do." In response, you just gave your head a slight shake, still warming his thumb with your tongue.

"Really?" He asked in a mocking voice that made you wildly embarrassed and red. "You really are just a dumb little toy waiting to be used. Such an eager baby that wants to learn, yeah?" This time, you gave him a slight nod. Your hand traced his abs and stroked each line, unsure of what to do but unable to remain still.

"Okay then. Guess I’ll have to give my baby step-by-step instructions, yeah?" he sighed. "Get on your knees."

Needless to say, you were shocked by the request. Though you were glass-eyed at this moment and almost choking on just the length of his thumb alone, you still had a working mind; one that was not distracted by Jeongin's eagerness pressing into your lower abdomen or how he looked at you or how much he wanted you or how fucking good his chest felt or how he shivered when your hand traced over his nipples. Despite all of this, you still had a conscience, and it told you to leave. It told you that this was an embarrassing turn of events that could only end badly and that you should run away, leaving him with his cock still hard and unsatisfied, then report him to the principal for bullying or public indecency or something! You knew that you should go.

Instead, you simply sank to your knees. You still suckled on Jeongin's thumb while he shakily exhaled a chorus of "you're such a good girl, such a good student, so smart, so sweet, so soft". Your hands trickled down his abs before rubbing the soft fabric of his sweatpants that you wanted so desperately to be removed. They hung off him proudly and lowly, kept up only by a measly tied knot and displaying his adonis belt that drew your eye line downwards. When you finally settled on your knees, your fingers and eyes traced down these lines and fiddled with the top of his sweatpants. Your fingers then traced lower until your hand palmed his heavy erection, unsure of what to do as you massaged the length. He was so stiff and long and big and—

Oh. He was big. Even in your inexperience, you knew it. It must have been a good few inches above average. You gulped at his size, in awe of his length that he was done so well to hide. 

"Remember what you said earlier?" He asked, removing his thumb from your pop mouth so he could cup your jaw. He tried to tilt your head up, but it was too difficult with your eyes fixated on the heavy, large bulge that protruded from his pants.

"C'mon baby, remember what you said? Use your big girl memory and tell me," he cooed. Your hands rubbed up and down his thighs while your hips rutted against nothing, the pressure between them building exponentially due to neglect. He tilted your head again, meeting your big doe eyes and forcing your focus away from his strained hard-on.

"Innie," you choked out, fingers teasing the hem of his pants. "Hands... so big... so you must be..." He let you trail off and allowed your faze to return to his pants as they transfixed on the prominent outline of his cock and the stain on the fabric right at his tip.

"That stupid fucking theory about noses being indicators of size," he continued with a smile on his face, "is just that: a stupid fucking theory."

As if answering your prayers, he used his spare hand to slip the knot off. Then, with a small tug, he slowly lowered his pants enough, just enough to let his cock slip out. In turn, you were blessed with the picture-perfect image of his cock.

"Don't I prove that what you say about big hands is true, y/n?"

You just gave him a dumb nod, too needy to formulate proper words. However, he didn't need you to speak: he knew he was correct.

You always had a thing for his hands, but they were nothing compared to his cock. But together, when his large hands held his immaculately big, veiny, pulsing dick made your mouth water and dribble fall down your lips. His tip was red and leaking precum, begging to be touched or fucked or given some goddamn attention. He offered himself a few pumps, hissing as his heavy erection dripped fluids that you tried to catch desperately on your tongue. It wasn't enough. You needed more.

"Innie," you mewled, catching his attention. 

"Y/n," he gasped as he stared down at your teary-eyed expression that was so cute and obviously needed to be rewarded.

"Please," you mumbled with embarrassment, "teach me." Your hand then went overtop of his and tightened around it, subsequently tightening the grip on his dick and making him moan a little louder than what he was comfortable with.

"Y/n, f-fuck," he whimpered as he pinched his eyes. With your eyes still transfixed on his hot tip, you pulled his hand off his cock and allowed both of your hands to hold him, heat radiating off of his length and precum coating your hands until they were glossy. You pumped it slowly, just as he did, mimicking the motion and unknowingly teasing him more than he would like.

"B-baby, please just suck it," he panted. You glanced up at him again and felt the drool pooling out of your mouth and collecting on your tongue. Then, with great hesitation, you pressed your tongue against him and licked up his slit, causing Jeongin to release a shaky grown that was soaked in pleasure.

"J-just like that—fuck!"

Your hands kept a steady pace while stuck your tongue out, giving him persistent and repeated licks. Each time you re-coated his cockhead in slobber and coaxed more profanities out of him. Still, you maintained a steady pace and dared not to increase your speed. You wanted to hear him beg and cry and whine like this forever.

"Fuck, y/n, take more of it in your mouth," he begged as his hands rested on your head and tangled in your hair. Yet, due to your dumb state and how good he sounded, you struggled to obey him

"Oh, right," he panted out, "you need to be shown how to do everything. My baby is just a little dumb student who needs to be taught. She needs to learn how to suck Innie’s cock like a good girl, right Y/n?" You simply hummed in response, continuing to pump and milk him. Jeognin’s hand found stability on the back of your head and balled your hair once again. The pull made you moan and the strain burned just as delectable as it did before.

"Now, open your mouth wide," he chuckled. You obeyed him like the dumb fucking slut you were and allowed your jaw to go slack, still rubbing your tongue on the underside of his tip and making him swallow back a moan.

"Good," he praised in a strained voice. "Now, take it." Suddenly, he pushed your head forward and forced your mouth to take his cock, gagging on his girth and soaking him in warmth. The intrusion made you hum loudly and for you to tighten your grip on his pulsing length Jeongin, on the other hand, was completely oblivious to your teary-eyed gags and continued to shove himself into you, inch by inch.

"G-good job," he whimpered in a low voice that he hoped he couldn't hear, "so warm." Though you could barely breathe and your mind was shocked by the act, you still felt yourself dripping onto the hardwood floor below you. Despite your confusion, your tongue and hands seemed to know what to do. As you gagged on him, the wet muscle rubbed up and down on any part of his cock it could reach while your hands pumped what your throat couldn't take.

"J-just like that," Jeongin hummed. He pulled your head back then and allowed you to take a deep breath in before pushing you down again. Shallow thrusts allowed him to push deeper into you and fluids to leak from your mouth onto the floor below you. Lewd, wet sound accompanied your gags, making Jeongin beyond elated.

"Y-You're the best student, y/n," he hoarsely whispered. "So smart and you've learned to let me fuck your mouth so easily. Such a fast learner, such a g-good, good girl for her Innie, yeah?" You could do little but hum along.

"Aw, does my baby want to breathe?" He asks through pants, to which you replied with an eager hum. He pulled you off his cock and you immediately gasped for air, hands leaving him to wipe the drool off your face and dry your tears.

"Better?" He asked, a mixture of sincerity and domineering sadism coating his voice.

"Y-yes, Innie," you responded feebly. He smiled at your answer.

"Good." He then changed his expression to a stern look and released your hair, letting you settle on your knees and take a few deep breaths.

"Next step," he began as he lifted his cock up and harshly grabbed your wrist to hold it up yourself. After placing the heavy cock in your hand, Jeongin then grabbed the other hand and forced you to cup his balls, unchanging in his expression or demeanour. He stared into you and you stared into him. He tutted and cooed at your expression which eagerly awaited instruction, begging to know what to do.

"Suck them. Now."

The order was processed in your head and left you spinning. Yet, you immediately obliged. After all, you didn't want to disappoint Jeongin. He thought you were a fast learner and he wanted to train his stupid slut as best he could. If you wanted him to be proud of you, then you had to prove him right. As such, your tongue left quick kitten licks his balls and the underside of his cock. Jeongin, through whines and moans, began to pet your head and encouraged you, s if he was begging instead of trying to dominate you.

"N-now," he stuttered out, "Pump me, fuck my cock with your hand, y/n." Your hand picked up a fast pace that glided over his slick cock and only deepened the desperation in Jeongin's voice.

"Shit.” He gaped at how well you did it, how well you obeyed him. You even began to take control, going back to suck his tip while your hands fondled the parts your mouth couldn't satisfy.

"M-missed the taste of my cock yeah? Missed how my pre-cum tasted on your tongue?" He rambled as you pumped him eagerly and sucked harshly. Sweat dripped down his forehead and a blush spread down his chest from you. He couldn't help but speak when he got like this: he praised everything you did and began to tell you everything he wished to say.

"Oh, y/n, I w-wished you knew why I teased you," he confessed through pants, "I wished you realized how much I like to annoy you, to get your attention, to tease you—mmh, fuck! All my friends know why I do it... every day they ask why I don't just go up to you and tell you why. But I could never seem to." Your mouth parted from his tip, your hand quickly replacing it, so you could properly look at the man who towered over you.

"Why... why didn't you do it, Innie?" you asked, voice still hoarse from when he made you take his cock. 

"Because," he gasped out as he tried to steady himself. "Because... I like to tease you, to make you notice me. I just w-want you to notice me, you sweet thing, and take care of me like you are now. And you know what? I think that—f-fuck—I think you like it when I tease you, too." He was not wrong, and the ruined floor with the clothes and books on it was evidence. But, you also knew that he was right because here you were, sucking his cock and balls and choking on it with the greatest pleasure. You wanted him just as much as he wanted you. You wanted him to do things to you that you were too embarrassed to think about even in solitude. 

You impatiently returned to his length, each lap of your tongue and stroke of your hand making his moans louder.

"Y/n," he groaned. "Y/n, y/n, y/n—" His voice got quicker as your motions increased in speed and determination. "Fuck d-don't stop, such a good girl! Perfect fucking mouth for me, perfect, so smart, such a tease—god!"

Suddenly, his hand pushed your head and his cock was shoved down your throat, mouth hugging him as his hips made shallow thrusts into you and gags erupted from your stuffed throat.

"Y/n, y/n, baby, y/n, swallow, swallow, please—" his chants were high pitched as he continued to rutt into your mouth, "—so tight so warm, I— I—I can't—hmph!" Jeongin pressed himself into you as far as he could while his hips twitched, causing you to choke but not dare pull away, not now, not when you were doing such a good job. Your mouth—reddened and swore from Jeogin's abuse—now leaked his cum that couldn't be swallowed.

"That—that, I—" Jeongin stammered unintelligibly. Ever the gentleman, Jeongin pulled you off his cock and watched the remaining liquid gush from your mouth. The cum trickled onto your tits and worn tie, making you squirm and for Jeongin to take a shaky breath.

"So, so precious," he muttered through exhausted pants. You stared up at him, coughing from the misuse of your throat and the need for air. Still, you felt strange: needy, unsatisfied, like you needed the same release Jeongin did.

"Innie, I need—"

"Please, rest, baby," he cooed, stroking your hair absent-mindedly as his still-hard cock pathetically dribbled out cum. You licked your lips at the sight: the taste of his juices still lingered on your mouth.

"No, no, I..." You pawed at his hands and gripped his wrists lightly. The act took him out of his trance and look down at you. You were sleeked in sweat and cum, your thighs were pressed together tightly and coated in slick. You bounced with impatience, wanting more and more and not knowing how to ask for it. However, Jeongin may be stupid and a jerk, but even he slowly pieced together what you wanted.

"Y/n, you—"

"Innie," you urged as you started to pull him down towards you. As you pulled him lower, you laid on your back, bringing him down with you. "Innie, please."

"Y/n, you should rest—" Jeongin tried to argue while he sank to his knees and placed his palm on the floor to steady himself.

"No." When he tried to argue again, you placed your mouth on his and pulled him fully on top of you on the library floor. When your lips finally parted, Jeongin stared at you with hopeful eyes.

"Please," you sobbed. You grasped one of his hands and slowly guided it down between your bodies, rutting against it as soon as it was close enough to your cunt. "Innie, please make it go away."

Jeongin smiled. Who was he to say no to you?

His hand immediately found your clit and began rubbing tight circles on it, making you writhe and whimper.

"F-Fuck, it feels so good," you mewled.  Your pussy was gushing from the contact and it only became wetter when Jeongin licked his cum off of your chest. Bite marks and bruised skin were left behind in their stead, eager lips nipping at untouched skin. Though you hated being marked up and worried that it would show, you couldn't protest. Not when it felt this good, not when he was doing it.

Jeongin relished touching you, as well. He rubbed his cock onto your thigh while whimpering into each kiss. It was as if kissing you brought him to life, as if all of those years of teasing and picking on you had been worth it because he could fucking finally express his passion for you in a way that satisfied you both. Ever since he first saw you in the tight, ill-fitting uniform, he knew he wanted to be yours. Soon that feeling developed into the perverted dire need to bend you over the nearest surface and fuck you from behind. Now, as he was kissing down your chest, and fingered your perfect, tight hole, he knew he was so close to what he wanted.

"Fuck, I," he gasped out between kisses, "I can't." Unexpectedly, he sat up and fully slotted himself between your legs. Before you could protest, however, you found your knees pressed to your chest, your skirt bunched around your waist, and Jeongin was rubbing his cock through your folds.

"Jeongin!" You yelped.

"J-just the tip," he whined. "Innie is gonna put just the tip in and then he is gonna take such good care of you. He just needs the tip, just a little bit, just needs to feel his precious little baby, just needs the tip just—hmph! Fuck! Y/n, baby, t-take it."

Even if it was just his tip, you knew you were too tight for him. Just his cockhead alone was stretching you out. But, the pain, just like how he pulled your hair or spanked your ass or choked you, was amazing. Though you protested, it was all just for show: to rile him up or to maintain some semblance of propriety. Truly, you never wanted him to stop.

"I-Innie! It's too big! I can't— I can't it's too big— fuck!" You stammered as continued to push himself into you, filling you with more than he had promised. Your voice made him whine and push his face into the nape of your neck. Immediately, he began to nip and kiss your neck in a feeble attempt to control himself. Yet, as he plugged you, he knew that he couldn't resist. You just felt too good, too sweet, too soft, too warm, too wet, and too perfect to just put his tip in. With every shaky breath, he tried to control himself, but he just couldn't. After only a few seconds, he began to stuff you full.

"Innie! What are you—"

"It's j-just the tip, just a little more." His muffled stutters vibrated against your skin, "I just n-need you, just need my g-good little baby to fuck this cock and be good for Innie and take what I give her. Let me fuck your perfect cunt and fill your pussy with my cum. You'd like that, to be filled with my c-cum?" Jeongin was almost fully inside of you and viciously rubbed your clit with every centimetre. You had never felt so full in your life.

"C-cum, Innie's cum?" You repeated naively.

"Yeah, just my cum. Only mine, only Innie's. You're m-mine, just mine only I get to fill this with my cum. Yeah?" He rose and looked down at you, lips ghosting over yours. As he stared down at you, it was hard to pinpoint what he felt. Sure, there was the deliciousness of corrupting your naivety, being the first one to fuck your cunt, and how every inch that entered you made you moan louder and with more desperation. However, at that moment, as he glanced down into your eyes which were always so sweet, he was overcome by the dire need to protect you. He wanted nothing more than to love you and have you as his, more than he'd ever wanted before. His cock eased into you, your breasts were covered in his slobber, you had swallowed his cum, his dick was twitching from overstimulation, and all he could think of was how lovely you looked.

"Yes," you sniffled, "only for you, Jeongin, my Innie."

"Oh, y/n," he panted. His lips captured yours and kissed them softly, contrasting the quick friction against your clit and the stretch of your cunt accommodating his cock.

Then he pushed himself into you, impatience getting the best of him.

"Fuck!" You both whined at the same time: Jeongin from the feeling of your tight cunt hugging him so well, and you from how you were filled to the brim with him. His hands moved to your inner thighs, spreading them to allow himself to rest between them and hug his waist. He eagerly gripped the soft flesh to try and control himself. Softly, his thumbs rubbed your skin and he let out strained moans. Your eyes were pinched shut and, with your legs free, you wrapped them around his torso and pulled him into you. As you did, he pushed a little deeper, only a little, but you rejoiced in the sensation. You feared that if pulled out of you, you would crumble. It was all too much too soon, too fast and too good to let it end too quickly. Clawing at his back with tears streaming down your cheeks, each breath brought you closer to him.

"It's too much... Innie I-I can't I—"

"Please, please, y/n." The desperation in his voice made your eyes open and stare at him. His face had reburied in your chest and it took everything in him to look up at you. As soon as you saw the look on his face, you knew that it was too much for him too.

"Let me make you f-feel good," he panted as he pressed his forehead into yours, "j-just a little, just take it, p-please." He didn't wait for your response as he pulled out a little, clamping his eyes shut from the feeling of dragging his cock out of you and hissing to refrain from immediately pounding back into you.

"Shit, it f-feels so good," you sniffled as he eased back in.

"Yeah? I told you. S-such a d-dumb baby, so dumb for my cock." His voice made you whine and your hands go up to knot themselves in his hair, pulling it slowly as his hips found a peaceful rhythm that contradicted the merciless lust it made you feel.

"So dumb," you mindlessly repeated, "such a s-stupid fucking baby for Innie." Your words hitched as he made a particularly harsh thrust into you. 

"Innie,” you asked in a small voice, “d-do you like it when I say that?"

Jeongin panted, trying to control himself, "Y/n, I—"

"You like to know I'm dumb, yeah? My stupid little pussy n-not know how to handle your big, veiny fucking c-cock?"

"Fuck, please, don't edge me," he strained through gritted teeth and with fingers dinging harshly into your thighs.

"T-teach me, teach me to how to fuck your cock." 

He didn't intend to pick up the pace as quickly as he did. Nor did he mean to make his thrusts so harsh with such a lack of control that you moaned with each push and pull of his heavy dick. But, when it came to you, he couldn't control himself.

"I'm—gonna—fill���you—with—my—cum," he growled as he pistoned into you. His hands moved to your outer thighs, occasionally spanking them and enjoying each jiggle of fat with every thrust into you.

"Fuck, slow—please s-slow down," you sobbed as your tits dragged across his chest, your overly sensitive nipples. Jeongin, however, just chuckled, his laughs dying out quickly as they were replaced by quick breaths. His eyes became dark again and his grip on you tightened, sweat mixing with your own as precum made a white ring around his cock.

"Just know that it's gonna spill out of you, that I'm g-gonna fill you up every day and keep you stuffed with it," he whimpered as his hips rolled faster, making his eyes pinch shut. "So warm inside of you, leaking out and just waiting for me to stuff it all back in and cum again and again and again and again."

"Innie, it's too much, " you responded dumbly. Jeongin didn't care. He just loved to hear his petname come out in little whimpers. His eyes opened again slowly, taking you in. Fuck, you looked so cute and fucked out, so close yet still begging for more.

"What's my name? Say it," he demanded with a stern glare.

"I-Innie..."

"Say it again—fuck, say it again, baby," he gasped.

"Innie!" You responded on command, like a dog being asked to bark.

"F-fuck, please, y/n, one more time just once more please!" He panted as his cock dragged and drove into you at an unforgiven pace.

"Innie, Innie fuck me, please baby, Innie, fuck!" You whimpered

"Fuck, it makes you blush. Getting all embarrassed and flustered... I make you blush, huh? My pretty baby, my innocent y/n, so cute—shit!" Jeongin's voice suddenly caught in his throat as he felt you tighten around him. While his veiny cock pulsed with each thrust, your warm cunt throbbed as you felt that strange feeling build and build inside of you. One of his hands moved back to your neglected clit and started to circle it quickly, making you pant like the needy bitch you were.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck—ah! Y/n, baby, s-stop clenching or I'll—I'll—"

"Innie," you sniffled softly, your voice soaked in desperation. "P-please, make me cum. P-please, for me? Please!" You couldn't believe the words that left your mouth. Neither did Jeongin.

"Y/n, I'm—fuck—I'm gonna—" his thrusts became sloppy and your jaw went slack as you felt lust building to an inordinate degree.

"I'm gonna— Innie— fuck!"

"Y/n, my baby, my sweet b-baby I— cum, cum!"

"Innie!"

Your cunt began to pulsate and your back arched. The feeling was unimaginable, like nothing you could ever describe. It came over you quickly and suddenly, in a tremendous wave that you wish would last forever. Jeongin, in a brief moment of clarity, pulled out of you and rubbed his soaking cock quickly, letting out occasional and short grunts as he fucked his hand. Then, his hips stilled and cum began to spill out of his tip, coating your stomach and cunt in his cum. Yet, you hardly noticed: you were too-fucked out to care.

Riding your orgasm, you sank to the floor and Jeongin collapsed on top of you. Both of you took deep breaths and he dropped his head against yours, eyes shut in ecstasy. His hands lazily dragged up your body before resting on your face. He pet the sides of your jaw and drew your eyes open to meet his. Seeing your eyes was like seeing a home dock in a storm. He pressed his lips into yours and stole your breath away again.

The kiss—unlike the moments leading up to it—was slow, soft. It took its time and ended only when you two were satisfied. After being brought down to reality, Jeongin pulled away and brushed some hair out of your face.

"Y/n," he softly said.

"Jeongin, Innie," you said back, twirling with his sweaty locks and massaging the nape of his neck.

"We..." he panted out before taking a look around, "We gotta clean this place up and get the fuck out of here."

You stared at him in awe before cracking a smile.

---

You felt weird walking in with Jeongin and his gang on Tuesday. Gang? Maybe like "gaggle of friends that constantly annoy you but you are now stuck with and quickly learning to love." Needless to say, it felt like all eyes were on you. Actually, it was true. Teachers, students, faculty, everyone: no one could believe that the top student was now walking hand-in-hand with someone who held the reputation for being the school's worst student.

Despite being an outspoken and confirmed hater of Yang Jeongin, here you were: walking in next to him, with his arm slung around you, and blushing at his cute jokes. God, when did Jeongin become cute?! What a horrid thing to think, let alone believe. Yet, you knew it. He was cute. And now, the whole school knew that you thought so. Or, at least, that's what your giggles insinuated.

Maybe you always thought he was cute and now you allowed yourself to believe it, like those intrusive thoughts were actually right all along, and, yes, you did actually think he was incredibly sweet and handsome, and likely the best boyfriend. It's only been four days but he already has promised to walk you to and from school every day and has dates pre-planned with you up until graduation. He hasn't told you about the latter part yet, but he will soon enough. He just needs to wait until you're a little more comfortable with him before he confesses how much he absolutely adores you.

Being an "it" couple was not on your goal list for high school. Come to think of it, being stared at when you walk with your boyfriend and losing your virginity to him a mere four days before in the school library was not on the list either. Oh, how plans change. Somehow, however, you didn't mind the stares. Though most were shocked at how Jeongin had bagged the school's nerdiest (and hottest) girl, how that girl—who hated the man—now gleamed at him with adoration, and how they ever managed to get together in the first place, the most shocking element was the fact that your uniform was not up to code. Every day for the past few years, you were a picture-perfect student with pressed dress shirts, even ties, and cleanly pleated skirts. Now, your tie was loose and you were even wearing a hoodie—fuck, his, hoodie?! Jesus.

As you walked to class, you couldn't care less. Jeongin escorted you to first period, giving you a sweet kiss on the cheek and almost smiling at how cute you looked all wrapped in his hoodie. Your fellow students—hell, even the teacher—seemed bewildered by the interaction.

You, however, barely acknowledged them. You just noticed the man in front of you in a light that was so starkly different from the past four years.

"Got everything, yeah?" He said with a straight face.

"Yes, Innie," you smiled, making him glance away.

"I told you—" he started in a voice that was a little too loud, making him dart around to see if anyone was looking his way. And, of course, everyone was looking at you two because how could they not? The eyes on him made him uneasy, but when he turned back to you, all those uncomfortable feelings disappeared into nothing. He licked his lips anxiously and leaned in, adopting a hushed voice to try and retain a morsel of privacy. "I told you not to call me that in public, baby," he blubbered, "it ruins my image. Please, baby."

God, was he blushing? Fuck, he was perfect.

"Okay, Innie," you teased, making him ever redder. You stressed his nickname and relished in his embarrassed demeanour.

Huh. Maybe Jeongin had been right all along: teasing was fun, especially if it was done on the person you liked the most.

"Promise me you'll go to class, okay? I'll see you in last period, then we'll keep working on the project," you said.

"Ugghhghhhhh.." he groaned with a long-winded exasperation. "UGH... Okay."

"Great!" You smiled mischievously, "And we'll actually have to work on it. Unlike all those other times we... 'worked on the project' together this weekend."

"Y/n." His blush grew from his ears down his neck, still unable to make eye contact with you. You'd think that years of teasing you made him impervious to sly remarks, but when they're coming from you, well that's a different story.

"Why are you acting like this?! It was your fault in the first place!" You huffed with an air of playfulness. "I just wanna remind you that we won't be alone in the library this time!"

"Just... g-get to class, okay?" He stuttered, "I'll see you later, baby."  Extending his hand out in a half-heart shape, you completed it with a giggle, adoring how small your hands were compared to your boyfriend’s. Then, Jeongin softly wrapped his hand around yours and pulled you in, offering you a kiss to your forehead. When he pulled away, he readjusted your glasses as they had slipped down your nose bridge.

"Perfect," he said with a small voice. With a final giggle from you, he watched you go into class.

Now there was the issue of what to do with his day. Normally, he'd spend first period smoking outside with his friends, wait until second period for the cafeteria to start serving pizza, go to third just to eat, then go to fourth period just to see you.

Now.. fuck. He was actually going to class. He hated how you were already having an effect on his lifestyle, but rejoiced that you operated in a position that dictated his life. If he was to be controlled, he would want you to be the one pulling the strings. Jeongin seemed to see you for who you really were: determined, intelligent, and perfect to coddle. Looking at you even had an effect on him, one that he could now proudly display instead of hiding behind bullying and teasing (not to say he’ll stop teasing you anytime soon).

As he slung himself into his assigned seat for first period, his surprise was mirrored on the teacher's face. God. Despite having only a few days passed since you two got together, you were already changing him to a noticeable degree. Yet, it was for the better. And he smiled knowing that if he was changing, that it was for good and that it was for you.

[carmyberzattosjournal]

Therapy Files 2: Splinters in the Water (Therapist)

Summary: Carmen Berzatto is the most interesting patient this psychologist has met in the city. (669 Words)

Warnings: I am not a psychologist; this is not medical advice. Swearing, mention of suicide, mention of alcoholism, mention of mental and emotional abuse, religious references. Feat. Darling (aka fem reader, though the reader could also be the psychologist).

Notes: Thank you for reading and sharing! This is a work in the Therapy Files Series and will be tagged with #cb therapy files.

Sideblog for commentary and social stuff: @m-z-shoroi

Day 1

It’s too late to be doing this right now, but here we go.

I’ve had a few cases that have stuck out so far—Chicago needs about ten million more therapists yesterday, this city is drowning under crippling mental illness—but Mr. Berzatto might be the most interesting.

He’s a disaster. A wreck of biblical proportions. He’s the broken slats of Noah’s Ark on Mount Ararat. Splinters in the water as it recedes. It’s like he’s held together by duct tape, super glue, and two prayers, this poor young man. Needs about a thousand more. I might add him to the list of patients to pray for, and I only just met him.

He looked like he was going to pass out when I called his name in the waiting room. He had a woman with him; she was holding his hand and rubbing his back. She seems sweet. He looked to her for reassurance, not unlike a small child. I feel like I recognize her, but that’s a problem for later. He was hunched up in his patchwork jacket, almost like he was trying to take up the least amount of space he could, and it wasn’t until he handed me the clipboard of his intake paperwork that I noticed his tattoos. He’s got some novels on his skin. Could be safe topics to unpack if needed. Lipstick print on the left hand, matched the shade his partner was wearing. He kept looking at it every time he locked up during the appointment. Also something safe to ask about.

PHQ-9 is 21. GAD-7 is 18. Suicide risk low; girlfriend is a protective factor. Referral to psychiatry sent.

Full clinical assessment in clinical notes; I keep getting off track with these entries.

Obvious severe anxiety, sure, but he’s softspoken, almost like he’s choking on his words as they come out. I’ll admit, he looked like he would be a difficult one. I know the type, I’ve had several. Significant other or parents or best friends force them to come to therapy hoping it’ll fix the damaged relationship they have, but because they don’t want to be there, the exercise becomes a fruitless endeavor. He’s not one of those. He admitted he needs help, but he’s not sure where to start. Admitted that the idea of therapy was unappealing to him, but that something had to change, and this would be a change. It’s unique. He’s highly logical and goal-oriented but also lacks organization and emotional development. Wavers between extremely attentive and absent. Alcoholic mother, absent father, addict brother who was a suicide victim, high-stress job, mental and emotional abuse. But warm. Vulnerable in his nature. A child forced to be an adult too soon, but more comfortable in that adulthood, even if he lacks the legs for it. Odd.

This kid’s got a lot of skeletons in his closet.

He has the bluest eyes I have ever seen in my life. I don't know if they're real or contacts. I'm tempted to say real because, with the state he is in, I doubt he'd want to put in bright blue contacts, but I'll have to gather more information—could be part of the masking. His hair is a mess, too. It's somehow dry and greasy at the same time, curly, wavy, kinky, some random ramen noodle shapes by his temples because he drags his fingers through it repeatedly. Seems to be a nervous tic. Couldn't hold still. He was uninterested in any of the fidgets I had available.

Prominent stammer. Wouldn't hold eye contact when speaking but held it when listening. Self-soothing face touching. Jerky movements. Mask-like flat expression. Looked tired. Looked like his soul was tired, the kind of tired I’d expect in a middle-aged mother of 4 teenage children, not someone in their mid-20s. Heightened sensitivity to sound and light. Anxious about sitting with his back to the door. It took him too long to answer basic questions—overthinking? Anxiety? Guarded? Why not all 3?

Likely all 3.

Trauma referral sent.

Appointments once a week scheduled for the next 3 months.

So, why the fuck can’t I sleep?

[kettlequills]

Thinking about why we don't see Nica working with the other survivors, and it turned into a character study on Nica.

I think Nica and Andy are probably pretty bad for each other, actually. I feel they'd recognise a similar darkness in the other - being eager to torture another person is actually not something you do when you are fine, mentally stable, and thriving - and bond over that, but without a more even keel to drag them back they go a bit far (this is why they need Kyle, who has responded to her trauma very differently by becoming practical and outward-facing, trying to focus on maintaining some level of a normal life, unlike those two, who have a tendency to dwell, withdraw, hurt, and in Nica's case, manipulate and lie until she can't hold the pretence any longer and explodes). This darkness in Andy is something we see Kyle does not entertain - she refuses to respond to Andy making a comment about torturing Chucky in their first car ride appearance in S1, and she redirects their attention to their current goal, which is hunting and killing Chucky for good, rather than drawing it out.

All this to say, Andy gets Nica's obsessive need to find Tiffany and turn the tables on her, whereas Kyle gets that Nica simply deflects and moves on until she can no longer do that, but Both of them are mildly freaked out when she laughs like Chucky, acts erratic and downright gleeful in the ways she did at the trial and potentially really struggles adjusting and missing the familiarity of being a captive and having her life regimented, either as a patient in Lochmoor/Harrogate or a captive under Tiffany. I could see the stress of finally being free triggering some upsetting symptoms for her, e.g. her psychosis from Cult and Curse, but even if it doesn't, she is clearly unstable, hurting, and struggling to orient to life that doesn't revolve around destroying Tiffany. She knows some of Chucky's magic, she has spent a year living with Tiffany and him in her brain, and she Still maintains contact and affection with GG despite the fact they are a doll and have left the country, like, how much can she be trusted after that? I think at this point Nica is a box of trauma neither of them have the skills to actually help with, but convincing Nica to trust a psychiatrist is ... a tall order.

For that reason, I think Kyle would possibly mildly discourage Andy from getting too close to Nica, because she's likely to just make him worse by encouraging him to think about drawing out Chucky/Tiffany's agony rather than prioritising just killing them so they cannot hurt others anymore. She is sympathetic and tries to help Nica, but I think she is probably pretty aware that Nica has shit going on and would absolutely manipulate Kyle to further her own aims, because Nica's ability to trust and form connections with others has been severely damaged. She likes Nica, and is willing to help out ... but she's aware that Nica is putting her own goals first always, and that if Kyle doesn't necessarily agree with those goals, Nica will just lie to her about it. She'd be a lot less forgiving of Nica stranding her at a gas station than Andy, for example. Plus, add Andy's self sacrificing nature to Nica's bloodyminded determination to destroy Tiffany at any cost and things could end badly. Allies - but not trusted.

Nica's goals are loosely aligned with theirs in that she's against Tiffany, but her focus and her methods become myopic. She doesn't want to kill her right away, she isn't focused on stopping Chucky. She just wants to hurt Tiffany until Tiffany dies. Nica saying she wants to torture and kill Tiffany herself and then being suddenly content with allowing her to go through a legal process and be sentenced instead demonstrates Nica's mind changing rapidly about her plans and her getting overwhelmed by her hatred depending on how triggered she is by Tiffany's presence. While in Tiffany's presence (on the phone), she's desperate to hurt her any way she can, but when away from Tiffany, she makes the arguably more sensible choice to get her arrested, which is harder for Tiffany to escape from. We see this loss of control when she shoots Glen and also at the trial, when she assists Tiffany's lawyer's argument that Tiffany is insane, and undermines her own, by losing her temper when Tiffany says she loves her. Nica yells that Tiffany is "fucking crazy" with eyes only on Tiffany - again, seeking to hurt Tiffany by rejecting her rather than able to continue as she began, wherein she named Tiffany as "Jennifer Tilly" and represented her as in control of her actions.

She wants to hurt Tiffany, she's clever enough to make that psychological harm instead, but she doesn't really care about how she gets there, it's just important that she does. Maybe the others or GG convinced her to just watch Tiffany die in her execution instead, maybe Nica decided herself that it was enough - we see that at the execution, Nica is making an effort to prioritise her connections with others (relating GG's message) rather than her own revenge and hurting Tiffany, which I think she can only do after having had that long distance from Tiffany and being on the cusp of her own victory, but she clearly struggles with this and pretty obviously goes for the best gut shot she can afterwards. She instantly tries to chase Tiffany when Tiffany escapes and is simply vocally frustrated with a man dying in front of her because he is in her way rather than displaying any concern about his life (counter to S1, where she prioritises trying to help a captive in the hotel room escape over fucking over Chucky and Tiffany) and she goes so far as to physically crawl after Tiffany despite the impossibility of actually catching up to Tiffany like that - showing that Nica's intense desire for vengeance still overwhelms her rational sense and abilities to care for others. Given that Tiffany does manage to escape, I can see this forming another split between Nica and the others where Nica is singlemindedly focused on tracking her. She hasn't been the most careful about collateral damage while doing so.

From the other survivors perspective, I'm sure there's some doubt whether she actually meant to shoot Glen or not when she fired on Tiffany (I truly believe she didn't mean to, but also that she wasn't thinking clearly, and taking the opportunity to try and hurt Tiffany regardless of two people standing close by, very little gun training and having poor aim with her hooks shows you exactly what she is prioritising, which I think Kyle and Andy would recognise). She then lets Tiffany go/Tiffany escapes with Glen and Glenda, while Nica is visibly struggling to process what she has just done, which again, implies she was acting on a very dangerous reflex and cannot be trusted to think rationally about risk when confronted with Tiffany. Again, I think Andy/Kyle are more willing to understand accidents happen, especially with their own risky behaviour (shooting Chucky when he's being held by the little girl during their "census taking" comes to mind) but Kyle and Andy are clearly both weapons trained, and Nica is not. Andy literally went to military school, lol. I doubt they want to have to worry about Nica accidentally hurting or killing someone else or even them while she is focused on trying to take any opportunity to hurt Tiffany. Equally, she lets Caroline, who she knows is an ally of Chucky's and travels with him, drive off in the Pontiac (though she has bugged the car) and goes to hunt for Tiffany instead. There doesn't seem to have been any communication from Nica about the first time she spotted Caroline at Tiffany's arrest, either.

Nica demonstrates that given the choice between hunting Tiffany or Chucky, she will choose Tiffany, at any cost. This is regardless of the fact that Caroline is in active danger travelling with Chucky in front of her eyes, and Tiffany is, at present to Nica's knowledge, focused on her own survival and equally has a much trickier job escaping as a famous face than Caroline does which will require her to have to lay low and possibly minimise her threat for a while. But Nica is not focused on ending Chucky and Tiffany's threat and helping the other survivors like Kyle and Andy are, she is focused on her own revenge.

She cannot relax until Tiffany gets what she deserves, it is her goal above all others and it overrides her capacities to care for the welfare of others, and this makes her dangerous if she perceives someone getting in the way of it. Resultingly, the other survivors cannot trust her to have their backs, and they don't have the connection with her that Kyle and Andy have with each other that would allow them to forgive anything she did to deprioritise them. This results in Nica kind of being alone and unsupervised for the first time in over five years (arguably longer, considering her home situation in Curse: the last time Nica was likely trusted to be independent was during her stint at college) without much support beyond the practicalities that maybe Kyle/Andy is happy to assist with ... which is why I think we see her turning to stalking Tiffany to have somewhere to put her energy instead of trying to make a normal life and recover, and why we don't really see her forming any connections with anyone else.

[se7ens-oc-heaven]

Ritsu!

man I said I'd get to queueing up these old prompts and then Didn't... but at least I've gotten around to it now! Also to contextualize how old this prompt is? When I first filled out this profile for him I hadn't even established what goes on with him and Rex ultimately! (This was written before their dynamic retcon even, whoopsies).

I tweaked some things but I'm going to post the original info (Hisui variant) below a cut under the up-to-date profile. I'm also going to add a bonus profile for Rex in the reblog since I happened to do that for funsies, so look out for that ;)

Who are they?

Full name?  Ritsu [last name tbd]

Nicknames? N/A

Gender/pronouns? Male (probably), he/him

Orientation? Aroace-spec - not sure if aro or demiro

Age/Birthday? 23, roughly / he forgor [unset]

Fun fact! Zodiac? :( (Pisces? Or Aquarius/Pisces cusp maybe)

What’s their personality?

Major good traits? Always willing to help others, generous, good with kids, pretty patient

Major flaws? Struggles with putting himself first; isn't always good at voicing his thoughts; more likely to become quietly distant than address a problem

Goals? To settle into the place he can truly belong

Fears? Being uprooted again, dreaming or making up his life entirely

Optimistic or pessimistic? Tempered optimistic

Introvert, extrovert, or ambivert? Introverted, but good with people

Empathetic or un-empathetic? Very empathetic

Do they wait and plan or dive right in? He much prefers to wait and plan... Sometimes he gets so caught up on this step he never follows through with said plans

Do they go with the flow or forge their own path? He prefers to go with the flow but narratively keeps being put in a position to forge (if that makes any sense at all)

Fun fact! Other defining traits? Incredibly klutzy, lacks a lot of coordination despite having good response times.

Relations to the world?

Who’s their family? He has yet to regain his memories of them, but both parents are alive and well in his home region.

Where are they from? Fortree City, Hoenn

Where do they live now? Freezington in the Crown Tundra - though in practice he's rarely there.

Do they have a job? If so, what is it? He is a traveling assistant with Rex's legend research.

How are they with technology? He's most likely approximately two centuries behind the times. It's not going well lol

Connections to religion or spirituality? Him and God aren't exactly on speaking terms anymore.

Powers or magic? None anymore

Fun fact! Connections to the lore? He has been isekai'd twice now, and then finally brought back home with no memory of what that even would mean to him. He's a very influential case to the world around him, but mostly he just wants to find a stable life for himself and help others like him if possible.

Favorites?

Favorite season/weather? Sunny days, probably prefers summer. He gets cold faster than he used to so it's soothing to be in the summer heat for him.

Favorite place? He still gets too cold but Freezington is growing on him regardless. He also loves visiting Postwick to catch up with Rex and Hop's family.

Favorite food? He's rediscovering his love for pasta dishes, and getting to try other new things each day. Sometimes he misses Beni's cooking though.

Favorite clothes/accessories? His Rescue Team Bandanna; his old uniform from the Galaxy team.

Favorite animal? The typhlosion line, naturally!

Favorite/most frequently used mode of transportation? His preferred mode is riding on pokemon, like in Hisui, but nowadays it seems vehicles are the dominant way of travel...

Favorite holiday? None that he can celebrate nowadays - most holidays are still too socially overwhelming for him.

Hobbies? Reading, reading, reading. There's much in the world for him to catch up on, but also it's a very calming, lowkey activity - he's missed having that in his life. It's an equal balance of nonfiction and comics.

Relationships?

Best friends? Rex and Hop!

Closest family member? He hasn't really stayed in touch with any. Things have become rather awkward in light of him not actually being dead, and brought back by the one person they insistently shot down....

Partner/s? Rex - not sure if romantic or QPR yet.

Enemies? He still holds a grudge towards Commander Kamado, even if the guy's long dead by now.

What organizations/clubs/etc are they in? He wants to start his own group to find and help other cases like his.

Fun fact! What are they like with their best friend or partner? He's still quiet, but he learns how to be more open and vocal with both of them, and how to enjoy himself with others - and he learns how to be firm with Rex, standing his ground if something comes up that he disagrees with. Most would assume Rex is the one who takes the lead between the two of them, but most times it's Ritsu taking the stand to rein Rex in more than anything.

(Old profile below)

Who are they?

Full name?  Ritsu

Nicknames? N/A

Gender/pronouns? Male, he/him

Orientation? Aroace

Age/Birthday? 20, roughly / he forgor

Fun fact! Zodiac? :( (Pisces? Or Aquarius/Pisces cusp maybe)

What’s their personality?

Major good traits? Always willing to help others, generous, good with kids, pretty patient

Major flaws? Struggles with putting himself first; isn't always good at voicing his thoughts; more likely to become quietly distant than address a problem

Goals? To find a place he can truly belong

Fears? Being uprooted again, dreaming up his life entirely

Optimistic or pessimistic? Tempered optimistic

Introvert, extrovert, or ambivert? Introverted, but good with people

Empathetic or un-empathetic? Very empathetic

Do they wait and plan or dive right in? He much prefers to wait and plan... Sometimes he gets so caught up on this step he never follows through with said plans

Do they go with the flow or forge their own path? He prefers to go with the flow but narratively keeps being put in a position to forge (if that makes any sense at all)

Fun fact! Other defining traits? Incredibly klutzy, lacks a lot of coordination despite having good response times.

Relations to the world?

Who’s their family? He has lost his memory of them, including his parents, but they all are alive and well elsewhere

Where are they from? Fortree City, Hoenn

Where do they live now? Jubilife Village in Hisui

Do they have a job? If so, what is it? He is a ten star Survey Corps member

How are they with technology? Bad at this point lmao. Probably better than others around him but that's not saying much

Connections to religion or spirituality? Well, he can now call God up on his phone...

Powers or magic? None anymore

Fun fact! Connections to the lore? He has been isekai'd twice now, and after being banished and on the run as a cyndaquil, fighting legendaries with his own bare paws, Ritsu has become somewhat jaded to any punishments the Galaxy Team have attempted to threaten him with.

Favorites?

Favorite season/weather? Sunny days, probably prefers summer. He gets cold faster than he used to so it's soothing to be in the summer heat for him.

Favorite place? Either the pokemon pastures or up by Coronet Highlands's arena - he appreciates the view despite the chill.

Favorite food? Most likely pasta dishes that are not available in Hisui

Favorite clothes/accessories? His Rescue Team Bandanna.

Favorite animal? The typhlosion line, naturally!

Favorite/most frequently used mode of transportation? Wyrdeer

Favorite holiday? The-sky-isn't-splitting-open celebratory festival has to be his favorite so far. He hopes it'll become a yearly event. The festival, not the sky splitting open, of course.

Relationships?

Best friends? Might be Professor Laventon...?

Closest family member? N/A

Partner/s? N/A

Enemies? Commander Kamado. He works for the guy but is none too pleased with him as a person after the banishment events...

What organizations/clubs/etc are they in? Does the Galaxy team count?

[studies-in-the-art-of-deduction]

Hi bro, how do I improve my observation skills to intimidate levele

Hello! i don't know if i've answered this before but here we go.

So observation is definitely the way to start learning deduction, and conveniently enough one could argue it's the part of deduction that has the most resources to learn from. I will include a quick list of resources to get you started at the end of this post

Now, i have a whole post on this (which is linked in the resources, but if you want a quick link for it, here you go), but the idea is very simple: In a nutshell, to improve your observation skills you have to learn to point out what things are around you, and yes that sounds like stupid advice but i do intend it to be taken literally. Observation is simply being able to look around you (or listen, or smell, or you know, use your senses) and point out stuff, the more stuff you can point out, the better your observation skills are

But how do you improve? This happens to be one of those skills you improve by just sucking at it for a while, like learning an instrument. The idea is you have to very purposefully sit down and try to do it, which is why many of the resources you'll find will tell you to use a notebook and record stuff, so you're forced to sit down and look at things. So what you absolutely have to do is force yourself to be aware of everything going on around you

How do you do that? well some people gamefy it, they make little games they can play throughout the day, alone or with friends, that require you to observe more than the other person (or than yourself on a previous day). Other people take a more scientific approach, they go out and, like a scientist doing field research, try to look at everything around them, take notes, remain objective, almost like an alien trying to make research notes on humans and their planet. This is why a lot of people trying to get better do what's called "people watching" (i will write a post on it at some point, it's proving more difficult than anticipating and it's just stuck in my drafts).

You have some ideas to get you started on these methods in the resources below. Most of them are from Tumblr because that's where the more Deduction-oriented advice can be found. On that note, keep in mind that not all resources you can find online will aim to improve your observation for the same purposes, some are aimed towards doctors who have to hone their observation skills to help their patients, others are aimed towards law enforcement jobs, some are meant for deductionists, etc. but that doesn't mean these resources aren't useful for you, it just means you gotta be aware that the advice and exercises you'll be given maybe mixed up with other things you're not necessarily looking for.

Now, with that in mind here's a list of resources that can help with observation, both specifically or as part of a bigger goal

Tumblr posts

Amateur Deductions' training program (Weeks 1-4)

Studies in the art of Deduction: post on Observation

Studies in the art of Deduction: Deduction Excersice 2

The Art of the Consulting Detective: Observation masterclass

The Art of the Consulting Detective: What to observe when entering an unfamiliar environment

apd-deductionist: Observation

The Brain Attic: Observation of women and their purses

The Brain Attic: An Excersice in Observation

The Brain Attic: Observing Keys

Amber Phosphor: 50 Observational Questions

Galalfahmy: On Observing The Hand

The Deduction Page: Observation

The Deduction Page: An Observation vs A Deduction

The Deduction Page: "You see, but you do not observe"

Websites

The Art of Manliness: Situational Awareness

The Art of Manliness (specific article): How to develop the situational awareness of Jason Bourne

Lifehacker: Improve your powers of observation by taking field notes

Lifehacker: Boost your observation skills and learn to pay attention

[kfanopinions]

Jinyoung Ideal Type (Astrology)

i'll be basing this off of his moon and venus signs. i'm not sure about his birth time, i have yet to find one for him. but if one is provided i'll revise this at that time :) take with a grain of salt and enjoy!

taurus moon || scorpio venus

good things come to those who wait someone who is is patient (both his moon and venus) would like someone that is patient. he takes a little long to open up

beauty is in the eyes of the beholder aka him so taurus likes beauty but he may go for someone that is beautiful in his eyes as oppose to your typical beauty queen

stability is key he would like someone who is mentally stable and well educated (someone who can hold an intellectual conversation)

kind

goal-oriented his taurus moon will like someone who has goals that they are trying to achieve

sorry not sorry does not like ill tempered and pushy people

creative minds think a like he may like someone who likes the arts. someone who wouldn't mind learning about art, music, or go to museums, the theater etc.

NO CHEATERS ALLOWED

femme fatale someone who exudes a controlled sensuality and allure to them

quiet type this could mean that he may not want someone who is super loud/extroverted but someone just on the quieter side (not necessarily introverted but just quiet)

independent

darker side of life with his scorpio venus he could be interested in someone with a darker aura/vibe/style or this could indicate that he may like someone who is darker than himself <- take this part with a grain of salt, okay? ^^

s*x, s*x, and uhhhh more s*x okay with scorpio in venus he could enjoy s*x a lot lol so of course someone who doesn't mind this would be ideal

[kimbap-r0ll]

Matchup Commission for @dubioussupernova

Thank you for the request! As for the matchup for your OC Adile, she could go with so many different characters but here are my picks...

Kalim

Look it’s Scarabia! She reminds him of Jamil, perhaps it’s a bit of an opposites attract moment for the two, but he really thinks she’s cool. He probably thought at first, she really liked being a model student and being one of the stronger students in Diasomnia was a flex in itself. However, after getting to know her a bit more he finds out that she’s under a lot of stress and has developed a cynical view of the world. He wants to change that of course, mainly because he’s optimistic but he also doesn’t want to see Adile down. He really likes it when she smiles, even if it might be because he did something a bit stupid.

“I want to be someone that can make you happy anytime, hopefully I can reach that goal!”

One thing that the two of them first connected through was music. He’s extremely interested in all kinds of rhythms and beats, so he would love to see Adile do rhythm games at some point. Who knows, she might want to teach him how they work since he’s never had the chance to try them out! She might not be a dancer, but he would love to dance with her too. He might just turn on a song that the two of them like and stand up, taking her hand, and just jumping around the room haha. Speaking of music, he wants to hear what kinds of analysis Adile has when it comes to his favorite songs. He likes hearing her talk about what she likes to do, and seeing her eyes light up makes him smile.

The two of them are similar in loyalty too. Kalim’s someone who will be extremely trustworthy with anything, though he might be a bit clumsy. If she ever wants to talk to him about anything, whether it be how she wants to cook but doesn’t have the energy or if she’s overwhelmed by academics, he’ll sit down with her and listen. He doesn’t care how long she talks, as long as he can help out and be someone she can rely on that’s all that matters. If she’s someone who likes flying, she will be invited to a carpet ride often. He likes doing a bunch of tricks on it (which might result in some accidents :/) but he wants to hang out with Adile as much as possible.

He’s not the best with his classes, so it might tick off Adile a bit with how slow he seems to pick up things that she may have no trouble with, but he is quite skilled nonetheless. He just has a different way of absorbing lessons, so the two of them will need to be patient with each other if they choose to study together.

Overall, I think the two of them make up each other well. His outgoing, often laid-back persona might be refreshing for Adile who’s often bogged down by the pressures brought by outside forces but even herself. He wants her to know she the best person and that no matter what she does, he’ll be cheering for her.

Lilia

Look it’s Diasomnia! Adile likely caught his attention from the first time the two of them met each other during orientation. He wanted to know how she was able to juggle so many classes and jobs but still maintain a perfect status in all of them. He might have tried to scare her a few times by popping out of nowhere (from the ceiling) but she’s likely given him a deadpanned face and walked away, making her even more interesting to someone like Lilia. He's the type to enjoy getting people flustered too. He probably finds out that she’s being overworked and that’s where his mom (dad?) instincts kick in. He hates seeing Adile super stressed, so he’ll do what he can to calm her or at least give her a break from studies.

He’s a music, pop culture enthusiast. Whatever she’s into he’s likely into it as well. He might be getting into electro-swing actually since while he loves death metal, he also likes the bounciness of swing music. The two of them will likely exchange playlists since why not. He’s also a gamer, which brings more things the two of them could do together! If there happens to be an arcade nearby that the two of them can visit, maybe they could do some games together? He’s probably super good like Adile is, so the two of them will probably have a friendly competition to see who has a higher score. He probably hopes she’ll join the Pop Music Club since yes he sings (horribly?) but he also would like to see him and Adile do a duet together. It sounds cute (plus Sebek and Silver will love it).

He’s horrible at cooking, so the two of them are doomed if they decide to try making food for each other. He’s not particularly a sweets person, but he will have them if need be. He does like tomato juice (which is sort of sweet?) so he probably steals some of her snacks from time-to-time haha.

He wants her to know that it’s alright to be a bit relaxed, especially coming from someone who’s been alive for a really long time he wants her to take care of herself. If need be he’ll just carry her over to a couch and let her rest for a bit. Also he’s shorter than Adile, so she’s free to tease him about that if she wants to haha.  But nonetheless, Lilia wants her to know that she’s more than good at what she does, she’s literally the best. Words might not work but the way Lilia assures she’ll be fine is very comforting. He’s been a parent before, he knows how important it is to take care of one’s health. He might offer to cook her something, but she should just refuse it for her own sake haha.

I feel like this will be a nurturing relationship for the two of them. He’ll want the best for her and will be understanding of her internal conflicts of being a perfect student but of also feeling burnt out. He’s a bit possessive too, so the two of them share this trait. He'll often be found with an arm around Adile.

“Love this song, Adile. Care do dance with me?”

[ourexolarmy]

Hey, can I request a written ship for monsta x + nct (any unit)?

I’m a free spirited person who loves being on my own but at the same time I crave security. While I love talking to people and creating new contacts, it’s very difficult for me to actually let people in and put my trust in them, as I always have this anxiety of someone holding me back (which is why I’m not so good at romantic relationships either). 

Because I love the feeling of freedom, I love to travel to new places and I feel most content being at a foreign place all on my own. 

I’m very goal oriented but I’m not good at sticking to one thing for a long time. I used to do a lot of sports bc I never stuck to one particular one until a back and foot injury stopped me. Nowadays I love reading and learning about new things to channel my energy into sth else. I also love writing and recently I’ve been trying to start writing poetry but I’m kinda meh at it. 

I can seem quite shy, distant and cold at times but when I’ve let someone in I turn into a completely different person: then I’m very loud, very chatty and make a lot of bad jokes. I also smother all my friends with love and I’m considered the mom friend of my group. I also love to remind people of what and what not to do while I hate it when someone else does it to me. (I’m literally a walking contradiction)

Thank you! :)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

@while-knowing-nothing-at-all Hello Love! :) Sorry for such a long wait!! Hope you are doing well! We would love to answer your written request! Hope you enjoy your results. :)

Monsta X we shipped you with Changkyun~ We both believed you would be a great match with him because of your personality. He would be okay with you being a shy person when first meeting, but he would love when you finally let him in to see your true personality. Knowing that he was able to connect with you and that you trusted him enough to see who you are. The two of you could spend quiet evenings as you read, and he enjoyed being able to have some down time with you. He wouldn't mind you reminding him of things, he would find it endearing :)

NCT we shipped you with Ten~ You and Ten would be a great match together. He can relate with your love of freedom and being able to travel to new places. Considering he does have a career in the music industry he would want to share all his traveling experiences with you, at least the ones he is able to. You being the mom of the group wouldn't bother him in the least. He would love for you to pamper him with affection or give him friendly reminders when the two of you aren't together. He would be quite patient with you as you got to know him more and more. Your anxiety about relationships wouldn't put him off in any way, he just wants to make sure you are comfortable at all times.

~Love Skyfox & Pandaa~ -we do not own gifs-

[ghostlytravelerprince]

01/07/24

Dear Diary,

I have been hit by inspiration, as usual, from where I least expected it. When I said this was my “bittersweet” era, I was naive to the amount of negative emotions I’d have to work through.

I feel fear and shame and danger because I’m sensing that my coworkers are cruel people — not evil, since it’s obvious they’re in a lot of pain — but still cruel. I feel ashamed that I entered the world of healthcare bright-eyed, believing the people there were as deeply empathetic as I. They’ve been chewed up and spit out by a system to the point where they devalue human suffering, and this deeply contradicts with some of my most core beliefs. I entered this profession not to emotionally distance myself from death but to fully envelop myself in it.

I now recognize that my peace can only be kept by, ironically, walling myself off from the people I wanted to be open to, while keeping my heart open to my patients. I am my patients’ advocate, not my coworkers’. I’m going to have to be uncharacteristically cold and distant from these people, which is okay because I find joy in the work itself, even if the people I work with hurt me and reject me as a freak. I know they’ve clocked me, they can tell there’s something different about me like all the mean people of the world can.

Except for this one resident — a psych resident. I need to know his name, and I need to talk to him. He’s shown good flags — a willingness to speak to people of lesser status than him as equals, an openness to rejecting his status as a doctor altogether, and a desire to thank others for their hard work. He’s the first I’ve seen like this (perhaps because he’s not in emergency medicine), and I need to talk to him about it. He has really kind eyes.

But, I was so excited for this job in healthcare. Now I’m not even past orientation, and I already know this isn’t the place for me! I have a minimum of twelve months more here, so I’m going to have to be tougher and stronger than before. I’m going to distance myself from my work, and get my lifeline from my friends — this is an utterly new concept to me, since I’m committed to passion in work. But, I can see that what I enjoyed most about learning medicine was the process of learning new things and trying to push my mental boundaries. I know now that I will never go to medical school because the American healthcare system is antithetical to the actual beauty of medicine.

My goal for 2024 is to use these next months to develop discipline in a difficult environment with difficult people, and to save money for the future. I need this job to get me a laboratory position because I see now that I must be a scientist. I love caring for people, and I hunger for knowledge to change the world for the better. I will prepare myself for a PhD — in what, I do not know yet. But, I at least have learned that I will not do an MD. Already, a very successful start to my new year, even if it was born from fear and shame and childhood wounds.

When I go to work, I feel so lesser. People only need me for what I can do, in a way that makes me feel like an automaton. I’m forgotten about as soon as I leave a room, or I know they’re definitely talking about me negatively (because that’s how they talk about everyone behind their backs). They don’t acknowledge me when we’re the only ones in a room — I’m always the first one to say hello. But, he remembered such a minuscule thing I did for him yesterday. How could I have forgotten how nice it feels to be seen as an equal?

I’ve never said “I’m sorry” so much in my life because I’m falling into fawning behaviors. I’m so scared of these people’s cruelty. In 2024, I will have learned the Grey Rock mentality, and I will have learned how to guard my peace. I should have trusted Amber’s advice from the beginning.

I will say, firefighters are better people. They are solid in character, and I enjoy my time with them. They’re just a bit too conservative for my taste, and I need something more cerebral. The people in healthcare — like the stereotypes suggest — are mainly to be avoided and stonewalled, except for a few rare angels.

In 2024, I will have spent time working in a lab, preparing to apply to graduate school (perhaps a GRE?), and choosing a science of my own. I will become a scientist in Antarctica. I’ve always been talking about wanting to go. Antarctica and storm chasing will not be an “I wish”, but instead a firm reality. Maybe one day I’ll become a scientist in space. I’ll remain noble in science, like my dad. I’ll spend plenty of time with my friends, and I’ll reach out to others when my cup is leaking. Learning that, in my search for novelty, sometimes the best key to the next adventure comes from hunkering down with what you already have supporting you, instead of a flighty wandering to something new, something better. Sometimes you can find a new path towards exploration within things already familiar to you. Instead of looking for new friends, I’ll find strength in the friends I have that I know to be good. This will further me closer to my goals than any gamble on a coworker could. Capitalism makes humanity inherently difficult within that system.

So far, the data I’ve collected is this: I enjoy a job where I am busy all of the time, and where I’m on my feet. The labor does not have to be intensely physical, but I cannot stand to sit at a desk staring at a screen all day.

I also prefer to be outside, or at least interfacing with nature in some capacity.

I also prefer high stress, high octane environments. I thrive off of “life or death” situations.

There needs to be a cerebral aspect to the job — continuous learning and curiosity and humanity, not just being an automaton. Novelty and exploration are important to me.

There needs to be a tangible good produced by the labor. If I am going to give so many hours of my finite life to something, I want it to mean something to me.

There needs to be kind people, and stereotypes are typically true, unfortunately. The things people say about those working business, or HR, or healthcare spring from a place of truth. Find groups stereotyped as kind, like librarians or gardeners or volunteers. Astronauts.

Happy belated New Year’s Resolution!! 🎉

[tabby-shieldmaiden]

Two more weeks til graduation. Or at least, til I hear whether or not I'll be graduating. I already recently had a bad run of days. I really hope I don't screw up worse in the upcoming two weeks.

I haven't told people irl about this, but yeah, I do feel really nervous and worried about this. All I really want to do is pass and graduate at this point. And I think all the time like, whether or not I could have worked harder at this. Whether I could have put in more effort into doing this or that.

If I'm gonna be honest, doing my clinical placements has probably been one of the hardest things I've ever done. My very first one in 2021 I ended up having a meltdown in the storeroom and I didn't even pass the clinical. So I think I have improved, I guess. But largely because I started out at the very, very bottom of things.

A lot of things made this uniquely difficult to be honest. Besides the pandemic, and the resulting understaffing, there were all the little specific things too. I did get sent to more difficult placements first because of weird post-pandemic scheduling. I didn't really get properly orientated the first placement. This is something I'm completely new at; I had literally never done this sort of work before. For some patients there's a language barrier I'm not adequately equipped to traverse yet. Add the neurodivergence, the autism and the social anxiety and the obsessive compulsiveness, and I know that I am basically playing the game on hard mode, so to speak. It has been an extremely rocky journey, and I am trying to put on as brave a face as I can about it.

And so I really do want this to be over. I know that once I finish, I will be working and it will be more of the same, except I am expected to be a real professional about it and the expectations are higher. But like, I do want to do this. Because it is a useful job where I will learn useful, helpful skills. Because while I can work as a nurse and I can provide this service, especially when healthcare is so understaffed, I think I should do this. Because I think it would be important, if I want to do something helpful and reparative for my country/the world, for me to understand some systems in play and how to navigate them and how we can do better from there.

And also admittedly because I do want to come out and say that I can do something. Because the thought of trying this hard and coming out admitting that I can't do something feels like it would hurt more than anything. Because I need a job. Because I want to make myself useful.

I think my Mom is proud of me. At least, she says I am. She likes to hold my brother and I up as autism success stories I think, especially me. And while I kind of have increasingly complicated thoughts on my family and how I want to associate with them, I guess I also don't really want to disappoint her either.

But like, doing this has really made me realise, vividly, that I am a disabled person. It's as clear as when I was trying to study for major exams back in the day. This whole experience has really made me realise, I have clear limitations. But it feels like I can't really talk to people about it and have them understand. People do kind of have a limited perception of autism as a disability, I'm not super open about it at work. I'm not open about my anxiety, or my history of stuttering either. I can't help but feel like I either have to be the model autist, or admit to my limitations and alienate myself from other people, fail at attaining my goals.

And I know a lot of this is likely just the internalised ableism talking. But yeah.

I should probably go to bed now.

[ariesjupiter]

Mitski Birth Chart Reading

This is just my interpretation based on Mitski’s birth chart and what I know of her music. Let me know if you have any suggestions of someone I should make a post on next! If you’re interested, I offer natal chart readings, just check my pinned post!

Libra sun: In terms of basic personality and ego, Mitski is focused on creating balanced, harmonic relationships. Intimate, one-on-one relationships are a major part of her identity. Libra is ruled by venus which represents love and beauty. After all, she is known for her lyrics relating to her romantic relationships. The lyric “I love everybody because I love you” is so profoundly Libra to me. She is friendly and charming. She sees herself reflected and other people and people see themselves reflected in her (for better or worse). Venus also rules the arts and Mitski is a natural artist in every sense of the word. Her music sonically is very unique, inventive, and creative as she experiments with mixing different genres. This is influenced by her sun in the 11th house. Sun in the 11th house also indicates an emphasis on friendships and memberships of certain groups and communities. It also indicates an importance of her hopes and dreams. Her sun in 3° explains why she is such a talented writer, communicator, and lyricist. Peak libra sun culture: “Young adult romance is the shit” (a real quote from the queen herself). And let’s not forget her iconic quote from 2016: “I’m a libra so my sexuality is essentially “you can really be any gender as long as you treat me like a princes.” Truer words have never been spoken.

Capricorn moon: Despite how personal her music is, Mitski is a rather private and reserved person, particularly when it comes to expressing her emotions. Also, Capricorn is associated with the father and she has been known to be especially private regarding her dad’s career. She is serious and intense with emotions but can sometimes get detached. The emphasis is on having control over her feelings. She is ambitious and a practical person. Her emotions are connected to her career. Those who do not know her well may see her as cold. In temperament she tends to be melancholic. Emotionally mature and wise beyond her years. Straightforward and honest with her expression. She is dependable, loyal, hard working, & realistic. Emotional fulfillment is often tied to achievement and success. Her moon in the 2nd house and 2° suggests material comforts make her feel safe. With the 2nd house being associated with venus, she is able to express her emotions in an artistic way. Could be protective over material objects. Sentimental. Music has a big impact on her emotions and mood. Peak capricorn moon culture: “I didn’t really feel anything. I’ve stopped feeling things for a long time” - Mitski, The Fader Interview, 2017. In all seriousness, I hope my capricorn moons are doing good.

Virgo mercury: Mitski is practical and detail oriented when it comes to communication and matters of learning. She takes the time to choose the right words to convey her thoughts. She is clear and concise. Mercury is in its sign of rulership here. Her mercury in the 10th house suggests that she will be known for her communication style. Has a lot of thoughts but is also organized. Analytical. Mitski likes making lists. Loves to give advice. Mercury is in 16° (cancer degree) and she has a soft spoken voice. Talks about the past and her roots (cancerian themes).

Virgo venus: In love, Mitski will assume a caretaking role and will gladly help her partner finish mundane tasks and chores. A devoted and faithful lover. Love is about the mundane and routine details of life. Love is about service. Acts of service tend to be virgo venus’ main love language. She wants to help improve her partner’s life. She is patient and observant. Values love that is simple and authentic. Appreciates a partner with whom she can have intellectual conversations. May have a tendency to be too critical on herself when it comes to love. Venus rules aesthetics & style and she tends to have a modest fashion sense. Mitski has voiced her interest in astrology and how she has asked people she’s interested for their birth times lmao. Her venus is in the 11th house, she treats a lover like she would treat a friend. In fact, romantic love probably equates to platonic love in her book. She has her venus in 24° which is a pisces degree, which explains this natural interest in astrology.

Gemini mars: Could be impatient because she moves quickly. Efficient. Has a lot of goals and likes to keep busy. She thrives when she talks to others and exchanged ideas. Likes to multitask. Very versatile. Probably has a flirty, bubbly energy when she’s attracted to someone. Attracted to intellect. Desire to see things from multiple perspectives. Gemini rules the hands so she’s skilled with playing instruments and writing. Likes to try new things. Witty and humorous. Could have nervous energy or fidget often.

Leo jupiter: The planet of luck and expansion in Leo is a big indicator of fame. Her jupiter is also in the 9th house and in 7°. Jupiter in the 9th indicates being born in a different country from where you reside now. Mitski is biracial and has lived in multiple countries growing up. She loves to learn, particularly about other cultures and ways of life. She is open minded, philosophical and values freedom and being independent. She attracts good fortune when she travels (touring!) and also when she focuses on partnerships/intimate relationships (7°). Combining this energy, Mitski attracts luck when she acts dramatically, demonstrates/teaches her knowledge, expresses herself artistically, shows her warm hearted and sometimes stubborn side, & takes chances, shows her bravery, and takes the lead. Be the Cowboy is big leo energy 🤠

Capricorn saturn: Mitski is responsible, practical, goal-oriented, and cautious. With saturn in the 3rd house, she probably had to grow up quickly and become mature at a young age. Capricorn saturn people tend to be very successful people. Strong willed. Tendency to be quiet and is a good listener. Could also be outspoken. With saturn in 18° (virgo degree), she’s very hard working but she may need to learn how to take a break and let herself rest and recharge.

Capricorn uranus: This placement also indicates that she goes after her goals and is efficient and practical in achieving them. Uranus being in the 2nd house shows that she could make money from being unique and groundbreaking. 2nd house also rules the voice! Her values are unique and she could be resistant to change them. Her self esteem could be in a constant state of flux and be tied to money. Her income could rapidly change, like maybe she did not get paid much but then suddenly she starts making a lot of money. Uranus is in 5° which is a fame degree. She’s famous for being authentically herself and very much an individual in the industry that can’t be compared.

Capricorn neptune: Capricorn neptunes are most likely realists. She is skilled at going after her dreams. Her dreams are practical and connected to themes of wealth, power, and control. Neptune in 3rd house shows a dreamy, poetic way of communicating. A very creative placement. Dreamy vibes. Could be elusive in communication, open for interpretation. Neptune is in 11° so this gives aquarian energy. Idealistic with friends and always searching for ways to achieve her dreams.

Scorpio pluto: Her power lies in her ability to analayze human interactions and be introspective with herself since it’s in the 1st house. She is very self aware. Mitski understands that life is about going through changes and she welcomes the ability to grow and rebuild. She has intense, deep emotions but has control over them and how she expresses them. Pluto in 16° adds a cancerian energy. Her strength lies in her ability to nurture and be empathetic.

Scorpio rising: First impressions of Mitski can be that she’s mysterious and secretive. A powerful and intimidating presence. This explains to me why she loves dressing in black. She probably has a strong dislike for anything superficial. She likes to get to know people on a deeper level and connect with them. She likes honesty and is probably very perceptive and intuitive. Privacy is so important to her! She has a lot of layers and wants people to unpack them, but it may take her a while to open up. She is powerful and has endurance. Her presence leaves an impact on people. Loyalty and intimacy is important. She’s not afraid to talk about taboo topics or scary, heavier emotions. Passionate and even a tendency to get fixed on or obsessed with something or someone. Her rising is in 15° (gemini degree) so she’s clever, curious, and thinks quickly. a little more flexible than a regular Scorpio rising would be.

Leo midheaven: People might see her as dramatic or arrogant. In the public eye, she was meant to be a performer. At her concerts she’s known for putting on a good show & includes interpretive dance and choreography. She becomes herself more when she’s on stage. The stage is where she shines. Has a lot of pride connected to her career. Reputation for creatively expressing herself and being brave and taking risks. Wants to be admired, especially regarding her career. Her purpose is to become a leader. Mc in 22° (capricorn degree) shows that she is a very hard worker when it comes to her career. She won’t let anyone stop her when it comes to achievement and success in her field. Another indicator of being at the top of her career and being publicly recognized for it!

TLDR: Mitski is a natural born singer, performer and artist. She is unique, talented, and an introspective writer. Being earth and water dominant, she balances practicality & stability with sentimentality & raw emotion. With all of her Capricorn placements, she is grounded and doesn’t let fame get to her head. Her chart ruler is Scorpio pluto in the 1st which means that major transformations will be a big theme in her life, especially regarding herself & her identity. She is always reflecting and looking at herself on a deep level.

[angstyaches]

For the StW boys: What is their favoite thing about their partner that they're too nervous to say out loud? What are their jobs/future careers and do they know exactly what they want in life?

For the MARS gang: Have they ever used their powers for something immoral, and if so do they feel about it? How old are they, and what are their jobs?

@ StW Boys: What is their favourite thing about their partner that they're too nervous to say out loud?

Shayne: He loves the intense look Charlie gets on his face when he's focused on something, especially if it's something he's passionate about. He'd die of shame if he ever ended up saying it out loud because he always complains and gives Charlie shit for staring at him.

Charlie: I think we all know it's not just the fact that he has a boyfriend who lets him rub his stomach, but the fact he absolutely melts when he does -

Felix: This definitely feels like a non-answer, but there’s nothing Felix wouldn’t say out loud about why he loves Elliott! He could wax poetic about him for hours and not feel even the slightest bit embarrassed.

Elliott: Elliott is infinitely enamoured by Felix's patience with him, and ability to calm Elliott down and make him see things from a different perspective. (If anyone knows The Haunting of Hill House series, he relates a lot to the metaphor of "the kite and the line" - he's the kite, and Felix is the line that keeps him grounded.) He'd always thought his temper would be the reason he'd end up alone for the rest of his life. But he'd be worried about saying this out loud, because he feels like it makes him seem selfish, or like he’s taking advantage of Felix’s patient nature.

_________

@ StW Boys: What are their jobs/future careers and do they know exactly what they want in life?

Shayne: Shayne is kind of stuck on all of that at the current moment. He didn't do well enough in his exams to get into college (where he'd intended to just do a general arts degree until he figured things out), and he is being kept busy under Ryan's watch right now too. He does start volunteering at the nursing home where Felix's mother is staying, though, and he fully enjoys that. (aaaaand there is a Thing that he will start doing that takes up a lot of his time in the near future, but it's a story spoiler so that's all I'll say for now lmao) I'm sorry, this is such a messy answer!!

What he wants in life is just a happy Charlie, and that's good enough of a goal for him right now.

Charlie: He's currently doing early childhood studies in college, with the end goal of being a playschool (I guess in the US, it's kindergarten?) teacher.

He's always been extremely family-oriented, and he always thought that once he had a partner he loved, he would rush to settle down and adopt babies right away, but with Shayne, he feels like there's no need to rush. He still wants a family, but doesn't feel as urgent about it as he always thought he would.

Felix: When he was still a human, Felix always wanted to do humanitarian work (to try to balance out all the terrible shit his father was doing to the planet and its people). I've never explicitly written it, but I like to think he goes and does this kind of thing on occasion, either with Elliott or by himself.

The future is the number one thing that makes Felix panic, so he's glad to just be able to live in the moment, help out as many people as he can, and cuddle with his darling.

Elliott: He used to take bounty hunting and assassination jobs from a body of supernatural leaders taking the law into their own hands, but since the violence disturbed Felix, he's given that up in recent years. Since he turned into a full vamp, Ryan has him helping out with running the household, keeping the peace among the vampire Elders, etc. since he's the oldest (and only) fully-turned vampire in her clan. Basically has him running errands like before, but on the double.

He does not know what he wants in life right now; he previously wanted to get married to Felix, but after learning about Felix’s views on marriage, he’s still in the middle of considering what the future might look like without it. He often thinks about going back to work in justice, but doesn’t really have the motivation for it right now.

_________

(I’m going to keep working on the MARS answer and post them separately for tagging purposes!)

[bluebellhairpin]

Haikyuu Headcanons - PDA

A/N: I don’t know where this came from, BUT,,,, Serotonin dosage is Complete. Ready for your injection? - Nemo

Masterlist  

Daichi Sawamura

He tones down his clingy-ness around other people. Let’s say that. 

He does not want to make anyone uncomfortable, and knowing the team, he doesn’t want to draw too much attention either encase that makes you uncomfortable. 

HoWeVer,,, that just means he restrains himself to hand-holding, arm around your shoulder, and forehead kisses. 

Sometimes he goes more than that, but only on special occasions, or if he’s really missed you.

If you asked him nicely and battered your eyelashes at him he’d probably groan a little then chuckle and give you a lil peck on the lips. 

Only and I mean only if you asked.

If I haven’ stressed this enough, his main goal is you being comfortable, which would mean the amount of PDA he does would depend on you and how much you are comfortable with - as well as who else is around. 

If it’s Suga or the likes of Tsuki, he’s more comfortable with PDA, because he know’s (for their own reasons) that they both couldn’t give two sh- 

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Tsukishima Kei

He’s - 

Good grief, i CAN’T EVEN EXPLAIN BRO

It’s either he’s initiating it, in some way that’s got Tsuki written all over it (ie. resting his arm on your damn head) or he’s teasing you about being needy (ie. that one time you held his hand while waiting for Yamaguchi outside a store).

All good-natured though. He would rather die than have hurt you in some way (especially with his words, because damn if that tongue ain’t the sharpest object on this earth), not that he’d ever admit it though. Duh.

His PDA can come across as a bit blunt, or harsh, but he’s just doing his best.

Even around Yamaguchi it barely goes further than hand-holding. 

He makes up for it when you’re alone, or where he feels more comfortable. Don’ worry ‘bout it. 

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Asahi Azumane

Don’t. Just don’t. 

Do not pressure him, do not force it on him. 

Given time, he will become more open to it, and he will greatly enjoy it too, but especially early on in a relationship he isn’t a PDA type of guy.

Not because he doesn’t want it, no no no, but because he is baby and can’t handle the attention. 

He stutters, blushes, and mind goes blank if you so much as accidentally brush your hand with his, like - That’s How Much He Can’t Handle It. 

Once he is comfortable, however, he will even do so much as give you a  little hug and kiss your cheek in front of the team, and that’s how you know he loves you - because he’s grown to learn to become comfortable with it, because then he can show to others how much he loves you.

He’s just really precious, please don’t @ me. 

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Sugawara Koushi

This lil bastard,,, I sweAR- 

Once you’ve given him an OK to go ahead with any type of PDA, he will do it, and he will do it as often as he pleases, or as you allow. 

I’m not saying that a PDA war between you both had happened more than once or twice, but it has. 

He generally isn’t bothered by any particular type of PDA - 

- but god forbid you squish his cheeks in your hands to give him a smooch in front of the boys. If there’s any way to get him red and flustered THAT IS IT GUYS!!!

Lock up that info and keep it safe!!! 

It’s not because it embarrasses him (okay, maybe slightly) but the fact you were so forward about it?? 

Get’s him every time. 

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Ukai Keishin

Let’s get one thing straight with this man, his view on PDA changed to accommodate two *social* settings.

The first is when he’s ‘Coach Ukai’, and the other one is just plain ‘Ukai’. 

Literally the only difference is that he’s a lot less forward and more professional (pfffft boy, you scoff at him every time when he pulls that) when he’s coaching.

Basically he just tries to hide the kisses, soft touches, and pining glances when he’s with the Karasuno team.

If the scoffing didn’t tell you, he doesn’t do a very good job at it.

If you’re with him in the shop, he’ll be just the same as he is at home. Very comfortable. Very much like a married-couple. 

The customers don’t really mind. There’s a couple old ladies, and when they come in they always ask after you once they’ve bought their stuffs. They’re very pleased when you pop out the back room to say hi. They’re very sweet. 

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Oikawa Tooru

If you came into my house and told me that Oikawa didn’t crave attention, and burst to tears the first time you gave him so much as a cuddle and a peck on the cheek then we already have problems.

Because he did.

And you can pry that out of the cold, dead fingers of my rotting corpse. 

Being closed doors he’s basically all over you, but outside he tones it done a fair amount.

That being said, he’s still not as subtle about it as the likes of Daichi, in fact he’s probably one of the more contact-oriented of all the boys’ even if he’s not asking for it.

He pines. all the time.

If he’s not touching you, he wants to hold you hand. If he’s holding your hand, he wants to have an arm around you waist. If his arm’s around you waist, he want’s you sitting in his lap.

It’s an endless cycle, and I pray that you’re ready for it. 

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Kuroo Tetsurou

He’s all about the casual PDA, man. 

Subtle touches and ‘accidental’ hand brushes were probably how the whole relationship started, and just because you’re dating DOES NOT mean he’s going to stop.

He does need to be sweet in among all the teasing, you know!

He’s a romantic, that's what it comes down to. 

He explicitly remembers going to a carnival with you, and waiting in line for a ride to finish so you both could have a go. It came very natural to him to lean up behind you and rest his head on your shoulder. When you leaned back into him he d i e d 

He’s very comfortable around you, and others, so he has zero problem just vibing in your general area or being all up-in-your face, depending on what you like.

Respectful boi

He likes you, and he’s a casually tactile-type of person. Sometimes he can forget some people don’t like it, but he always manages to remember what you allow. 

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Tanaka Ryunosuke 

Contrary to what some may think, he’s actually very patient if it comes to having to wait for you to get comfortable with PDA.

He would wait until you were both old and grey before you held his hand in public if he had to.

but please don’t make him he just wants to show you off

He’s very proud of himself for getting an s/o, and he looks at you like you hung the stars because you’re with him.

But as soon as you give him an ok?

All over you. All the time. 

He *loves* you, and he needs to make sure you always know that, and that Noya knows that, and Daichi knows, and other teams know, and that everyone knows! 

Listen, I like Tanaka a lot, so I’m trying to manifest him best I can because god dammit he deserves some cuddles every half hour, on the dot. 

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Bokuto Kotaro

He needs PDA. And no, I’m not just saying that.

Oh, you disagree? Have you even seen the show? This guy craves validation, and if his s/o doesn’t give it to him then he’s l o s t.

However much he may act cool about it when asking for a little smooch or cuddle in public, if it’s given to him he will melt, then short-circuit, and then it’s like someone boosted him with adrenaline and he cannot stop blabbering about random stuff and holding you close. 

It’s a wild and slightly dramatic process, but that’s just Bokuto for you.

He - SJKSJSSSS

He probably has a bet with himself for how many times his PDA get’s you to smile everyday. (The record is twelve times, and everytime he breaks the record he takes you both out for meat buns.)

The PDA is mostly just hand holding and lil’ kisses, but they make his day, every time.

He’s a simple person. 

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Nishinoya Yuu

This boy, this male, he will worship the ground you walk on. 

Let him. 

Please.

He’ll mostly come up behind you and wrap his arms around your waist and bury his face in your back/neck. It’s surprising, but it’s nice because you know it’s always him. You have to pry him off with the promise of a kiss, though, otherwise he ain’t moving. 

He’s always so excited to see you, like a little puppy, and if that cannot even light a spark of happiness in Tsuki’s heart then he has no hope left. 

His love for you is contagious. He doesn’t even need to be touching you to express PDA, like - how does he even do that? It that normal? Is he normal?

He giggles whenever you kiss his nose, so of course you do it in front of the team! his giggles are a blessing! Why would you keep them all to yourself? Blushy Noya ehehehe

He’s really cute Everytime he sees you, everyone knows, because he yells “HEYYY BABYYYYYY!” in the exact same voice he uses for ‘Rolling Thunda’. There is n o e s c a p e ! 

[drdone]

things I love about Caleb Widogast:

his love for magic

how excited he gets for books and learning

the passion he has when learning new things

the excitement when Veth learns new spells, especially Message at the beginning

his creativity, both with the ways he makes spells and the ways he interacts and utilizes the spells he already has

like REALLY, changing the mansion to a tower??? changing Bigby's Hand to Cat's Ire??? amazing

and his created spells???? Web of Fire using a cat's cradle? the amber? so cool

and how he uses them? the way he used Programmed Image? the tower and all its beauty and detail?

speaking of details, how detail-oriented and methodical he is

not a single thing in the tower was created without him shaping it. the whole thing was a love letter to his friends, his family, and each part of it was shaped around what they cared about.

and with spell design? and spell casting? he's careful and methodical and patient with it

(also that he doesn't totally brag about it, but he is very proud of it, and that's Fun)

how far he's come. he started this campaign scared, always ready to run, unwilling to get too close to anyone, constantly looking over his shoulder and needing to fix it. he had no intention of getting better, he shouldered all the blame, he was self-destructive. Liam said during the Campaign So Far Talks Machina episode that if Caleb didn't have his goals with fixing what happened with his parents, he didn't know why Caleb wouldn't just end it. He also said that had the meeting with Trent happened earlier in the campaign, before he'd spent all this time with the Mighty Nein, how he would've been darker, more susceptible to temptation and just Astrid and Eadwulf (Eodwulf, whichever) in general and that MEANS something

like! going back and watching the beginning is WILD when you see where Caleb is now. Caleb now??? he's still terrified of Trent, anxious about a lot of things, and hasn't entirely let go of his ideas - but he's starting to take steps. he's finally expressing his anger at Trent and acknowledging that it's not his fault, or at least not only his fault ("He ruined my life! And I fucking helped!"). he was able to talk to Trent, to not hide - yes what Trent said still affected him and did cause him a bit of falling back a few steps, recovery's just Like That sometimes, but after that dinner he did the tower for the first time, he didn't isolate himself, he didn't try to run - he talked to them, he set up the tower, he showed them how much he loves them and pays attention. that's important. he's allowing himself to care - and it's allowed him to grow. he's not only holding on to his plans. there's more there keeping him together. he's able to express that he cares, he's able to vocalize more of what happened, even if it hurts him, and he's likely never going to feel 100% safe, but he sure does feel better with the m9.

his entire journey! it's so good! it's so fascinating! he's come so far! sure, he takes steps backwards - he's literally having his worst fear happening right now, Marion, Yeza, and Luc are in danger and it is partially his fault (though I'd still argue it's Trent's more than anything), but instead of splitting off from them, instead of just running, he's with them. ride or die at this point, for all the m9

he wanted to be a teacher, and still could, honestly. he's very patient with it. he was with Veth. he offered to teach Luc. l i k e.

his curiosity, which is both a blessing and a curse. the obelisk in Eiselcross still makes me laugh

he still uses fire. he's good with it, and you know what? I think him still using it is also partially him taking away Trent's control, especially with creating his own spell???

but also that he switched from evocation to transmutation. he loves creating. and he's so creative. it's so wonderful to watch

his love for Frumpkin and cats in general

sharing Frumpkin as a support animal

he's gotten better with just making jokes in general but his occasional deadpan delivery is still a delight

pranks. he's gotten to the point where he's okay with pranks and being silly

how he does respect every member of the m9 and makes a point to talk with each one of them (Liam's the type after every mission to check in with every companion until you're out of dialogue, I know it)

he's bisexual

boosting his friends in combat and/or taking control of the battlefield (or attempting to at least)

polymorph. in general.

his sibling relationship with Beau, my god, great dynamic

Very Good With Words (thank you Liam O'Brien)

he's so excited about magic. it's so good you guys it's so good

the current dynamic with Astrid and Eadwulf/Eodwulf, it's so fascinating

I know I already said this but his love for cats. it's. so good. so valid.

Eldritch blaest