#I hate these particular lesbians
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The gtn pool scene is so personal to me. It’s a love confession. It’s a murder confession. It’s a heartbreak. It’s the most satisfying moment of the book. It’s a suicide. It’s a murder. It’s a drowning. It’s a hug. its a scream. It is underwater and entirely silent. It’s a metaphor for griddlehark’s entire dynamic. It’s a confession of their devotion to one another. It’s all the reasons they can never be together. It’s Gideon’s main motivator for her sacrifice. It was almost a kiss. It was never going to be anything of the sort. But it almost was. It almost was.
#gideon the ninth#gtn spoilers#gtn#gideon nav#harrowhark nonagesimus#the locked tomb#tlt#tlt gideon#tlt harrow#tlt pool scene#pool scene#i’m mentally stable#I’m so mentally stable#I love lesbians#I hate these particular lesbians#All this bullshit I’m feeling for a Christian homestick fanfic#i’m going to explode#my babies#my girls
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I wish the men at my job would just take a vow of silence or smth, my gf (who's masc) came in to bring me food earlier and after she left one goes:
"Oh thats your girlfriend? She dresses like a dude, why not just date a guy and have the real thing?" (Referring to dick ig)
"i'M jOkInG" my left tit😒 never wanted to punch a mf so hard. AND AT WORK??? like get a grip and do your job instead of riding my meat, ugh
Anyways butches/mascs/studs are beautiful and I thank all of you simply for breathing❤️
#lesbian#wlw#☆kennie's rambles#im not a man hating lesbian#i simply hate a lot of men#that one in particular#wlw sapphic
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grrghfhfhdhdhr i miss when i couldn’t relate to white knuckle jerk
#where do you get off being so goddamn beautiful…..#it won’t have to end if it doesn’t start……#i used to associate that song with dark blue but now i associate it with turquoise#For. No reason in particular djdnjjdjd#i hate hearing her talk about her interests bc i already KNOW theres hearts appearing above my head like minecraft animals#literally so down horrendous and i’ll never have the courage to tell her#Sighs.#i need to draw her#im sure that will fill the aching yearning pit in my soul#mhm#so scared to fuck it up if i try to confess to her bc so far all the stuff i’ve dared to interpret as flirting could also just be jokingly#honestly i’d be happy to be in her life in whatever way she’d like#dont mind me lamenting like a victorian era lesbian poet#Lee speaks#let it linger#will wood and the tapeworms#white knuckle jerk#music
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Sometimes I just think about Soi Fon. Like that shit was so insane. Easily one of The characters of all time. You’re going to give me a woman who hates the physical manifestation of her soul because it’s loud and explosive and she doesn’t think it’s “proper” that it suits her, but it’s so obvious it does because she’s angry and stubborn and loud and explosive!!! And then the fact that she never ever calls upon that physical manifestation of her soul until things are so dire it’s practically that or death? The fact that in so many ways she lets her emotions build and build and build until they quite literally explode???? And then!!! AND THEN!!!! Add in that she hates her bankai because it’s “inappropriate” for an assassin… for her role as captain of the Stealth Force… the position she inherited from Yoruichi after she abandoned Soul Society for Urahara… She despises the physical manifestation of her explosive nature, the nature she hides until she can’t, just like she shoved down her feelings for Yoruichi, the betrayal, the hurt, the love, until she quite literally couldn’t anymore and it all came back up in a BANG!!! Like god… oh my god, no one will ever do it again and kubo did not deserve such a cool fucking character in the least
#bleach#soi fon#yorusoi#<— because like this definitely feeds into it#like I refuse to believe soi fon didn’t have some form of romantic feelings for yoruichi like it’s so OBVIOUS#also like add in the lesbian angle to this???#oh… MY GOD it just makes it so much more intense#hiding from your feelings and swearing up and down they shouldn’t suit you that they’re not right for you#even though they obviously are#I can’t fuckin do it man#it’s been YEARS but the soi fon brain rot is still just SO strong#I really did fuckin imprint on her#but tbh in general I hate to give him any credit but kubo did kinda go off with characters who hated/hid their bankai#like the whole thing of hating your soul hating your very being#unparalleled. wish he actually did anything cool with those particular character arcs#like the soi fon ikkaku and yumichika character arcs could have been PEAK#(also don’t even get me started on the three of them being some of the uh… um… well ya know a teeny bit queer)#it could have been so good#but again kubo can’t write and hates gay ppl so lmao#wild that he genuinely created some of the coolest queer characters ever kinda on accident#like whoopsie#anyways I’ll shut up now#kaz rambles
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the seperation of lesbians and gay men is a travesty. "why are there so many historic gay bars and only like a handful of lesbian bars in the whole country" why are being gay and lesbian not the same thing in this context. you dont need to fuck everyone at the bar and it is a problem that needs to be addressed if these spaces arent mutually hospitable. and this applies to most gay/lesbian spaces imo
#its just wrong to assume gay spaces arent for women and if any gay men are reinforcing that it needs to be stopped lol#but a lot of it seems like very gender-biased willing exclusion bc they dont wanna associate with men#which um. grow up to you too#gender segregation is just evil period#other than intimate circumstances if you refuse to hang around people you perceive as x gender#its a problem you need to work on it's not just a right you've earned#now yes of course there are able to be specific cases of bars that are more explicitly lesbian or gay#but assuming if a bar is a ''gay bar'' its just for gay men is a fallacy... do you even go to these places?#''buh buh buh if theres a drag show drag is insulting to women cis and trans'' its not. address your revulsion#i know i come across harsh toned im actually more being flabbergasted that weve got to this point rather than saying hey you in particular#its just so strange to have grew up in the gay climate i did where the only lesbian flag was just lipstick lesbian and the girls didnt like#if you assumed every lesbian fell under it and to just use rainbow#and now people act like gay and lesbian arent synonyms because of gender seperatism. which disproportionally hurts members of the lgbt#community because they are more likely to be gnc lol#also a lot of individual opinions you just see the terf hand guiding.#and i HATE THE TOOTHPASTE FLAG!!#no pink flag for girls so blue flag for boys get the fuck out of my face#i dont want to superficially share my experiences with gay men i need community with gay PEOPLE
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Oooooh I just heard the most self hating bisexual girl at work.... please don't clown in my vicinity I have a short fuse
#bi girl hating on lesbians so her homophobic boyfriend will think shes original :( sad#(this is no hate to bisexual girlies i love u all but this one in particular..... i think she needs to go live at sea for some time....)#still pissed off about it damn. like girl im right here. i WILL punch you.#like dont shit on lesbians in front of me like that 😐 in fact never speak again
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but what if they were yuri
i dont like noels design very much, i am NOT cut out for design, but i did my best LMAO
#sirius gibson#noel levine#sirinoel#but yuri#GOD I SOLD MY FUCKING SOUL FOR THIS DRAWING NOEL IN PARTICULAR REALLY SCREWED ME OVER#i had sirius's pose from the start and i had a really particular idea for what i wanted noel to be doing and i kept drawing it#but i couldnt get it and realized i just wasnt skilled enough to draw it so i just went with something else#and then i spent 10 million years trying to get noels design to be acceptable#i already drafted the human side genderbend designs before this but i didnt like noels so i wanted to reinvent it#AND I STILL DONT LIKE IT AFTER 10 MILLION ITERATIONS I HATE IT HERE#but i wanted to finish this today so i just#anyway#sirius is very much thinking lesbian thoughts#oh yeah for anyone who wants to know: their names are sirius and noelle#im p sure sirius works just fine as a fem name and noel to noelle is fairly obvious (the two names are even spelled the same in japanese)#drawings
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ok if you know me you shouldn’t be surprised to know that i really don’t like bridgerton (i know, shocking, a history buff and writer who openly despises bunk theories and shoddy worldbuilding doesn’t like the show predicated on a bunk theory followed by shoddy worldbuilding, stop the presses), but i have watched it, mostly for background noise, but watched it nonetheless, and i think i finally figured out what irks me not just around season 2 of the dumb show but also the fandom response and reactions to the dumb show.
the show, to my understanding, said prior to the season 2 release that they were treating the story between anthony and the sharma sisters as more of a love triangle (which made a lot of fans mad because edwina’s supposed to be one of those characters who exists solely to cheerlead a different character even if it’s at their own expense which is just the worst kind of character), and so fandom is reacting accordingly by treating this as if it were a “team edwina” and “team kate” situation that you see in other tv show love triangles and the like. but here’s the thing. a love triangle, as understood in most media, is that characters a and b like character c, who likes both of them and is torn for a while before realizing that they like character a/b more and thus ends the love triangle.
except that’s not what season 2 of bridgerton was. it’s not that anthony likes both kate and edwina but ends up choosing edwina for a bit before finally realizing his true feelings lie with kate. anthony doesn’t like edwina at all. i’m fairly convinced that he couldn’t differentiate edwina from eve. anthony shows no care or concern for her at all not even as a love interest, but barely as a person, and has no regard for her personal feelings or wants or objectives or desires or literally anything about her. i’d be genuinely surprised to learn that he’s ever felt anything for her beyond the standard feelings we have towards humanity as a whole in knowing better than to do shit like punch randos on the street. this isn’t necessarily a solely anthony problem, the narrative appears to treat edwina exactly the same way which is bad writing because yes, she’s not one of the Main characters of the season, anthony and kate are, but she’s still a major player nonetheless. nor is this necessarily me writing anthony off, there’s a reason for his asshattery that’s been well established both by backstory and by the canon of the show itself back in season 1. the issue for me is that it doesn’t seem that anyone realizes that this is why anthony and kate were in the wrong with the marriage thing.
edwina got a lot of flack from the fandom for being upset at kate and anthony about the whole wedding fiasco, and for holding a grudge for a while afterwards, and a good chunk of that seems to come from that old gripe i mentioned earlier about how edwina wasn’t following her book characterization of being kanthony’s number one cheerleader. but a lot of it is that i genuinely don’t think people understand what the issue is here. yeah, anthony deciding to marry edwina for shallow reasons even tho he knew she wanted a happy love match, while also being into her sister is bad, and kate knowing all of this and still deceiving edwina is also bad. but the core “this is a fucked up thing to do” element in her anger at kate is that kate is very aware of the fact that anthony literally just does not care for or about edwina in any capacity whatsoever beyond what he would care for, like, a lady passing on the street, and she was still willing to lie to edwina and let her enter into a marriage with someone like that, not only not giving edwina the full information to make her own informed consent about whether she wants to be in this marriage, but also just letting her walk into a situation like that knowingly. like, imagine how psychologically damaging it must be to be married, shackled for life, to someone who probably wouldn’t even remember your last name if it wasn’t the same name as the lady he was actually into. that’s a very valid reason for edwina to be mad at the two of them, especially in being mad at kate, considering that a guy screwing you over is one thing, but a close sister doing the same is a whole other level. and if edwina lashes out because that’s a fucked up thing to do, even for the “right reasons”, honestly that’s fair and valid. i love my sister to death but if she was egging on a marriage between me and someone whose only concern about whether i lived or died would be how it affected my sister, i’d be pissed for a really long time.
(and no i’m sorry the “kate was doing it for edwina’s sake like she does everything” doesn’t really fly, you can’t pull the “i do everything for everyone can’t i do this one thing just for me” excuse out when the person you’re “doing everything for” a) never asked you to do it b) never had any expectation for you to do it and c) would have been perfectly content and likely even happier if you hadn’t done. kate’s reasoning is something that needs to get brought up with mary and with idk her regency era version of a therapist, not edwina. that’s not edwina’s responsibility, because most of us generally learn the concept of having to handle our emotions and that how we react to things is on us alone by age ten generally.)
and the worst thing about it is that it’s never resolved. edwina is justifiably angry at the people who hurt her, the fandom’s mad because it’s viewing the situation through a love triangle lens and not the “two people who refuse to admit they wanna fuck and also the poor innocent who got dragged into and very nearly got screwed over as a result” and also because edwina’s being Mean to the primary couple and isn’t hopping up and done in ultimate ship mode for them. and then kate hits her head and that’s it, the justifiable anger is over and done with. i don’t think that edwina should have still been holding a grudge while her sister was dealing with a serious head injury that could have killed her, but that shouldn’t have been the end of the situation. none of edwina’s concerns got addressed or even understood, it’s just that the narrative wanted us to view it as edwina being unreasonable and coming to see the light and the glory of kanthony after nearly losing kate, which makes no sense. as mentioned, edwina’s anger is justifiable, because when you actually look at what happened and not the “love triangle” angle, it is an entirely reasonable anger. that edwina was willing to put it aside when kate was in trouble, because she loves her sister and obviously doesn’t want her dead and is relieved that she’s okay, that works. edwina being immediately over it does not work; her grievances aren’t addressed and it doesn’t seem like the narrative, let alone the characters themselves, understand why she was upset, and thus any reconciliations ring hollow. i mean hell, she doesn’t even get a scene where anthony, like, openly admits that this whole situation was a dick move on his part and sincerely apologize for his behavior and what he put her through, which really only cements how little, if at all, anthony cared about her in any way.
edwina should have been allowed to take her time on forgiveness, and the way that she and kate especially built back trust and rapport should have been vitally important and deep character work, not just for edwina herself and the satisfaction of her arc, but also for kate and for her own development. but instead, edwina’s over it, she’s the cheerleader at long, and she gets dangled the possibility of a consolation prize as her reward for no longer being upset at her fiancé for being an ass and at her sister for violating her trust and nearly putting her a deeply unhappy situation for the remainder of her natural life. it’s bad writing to the extreme and it also makes kanthony both as a ship and as individual people seem like jerks and the total misread of the situation and the hate edwina got for her reaction just makes the fandom seem borderline illiterate.
anyway this is rambly and not very eloquent and likely riddled with spelling errors but i woke up at 5am and made myself mad about this while getting ready for the day so this is my two cents on a specific element i hate about the dumb bridgerton show and its dumb ways.
#personal#anti bridgerton#i know it sounds like i'm being mean about this and like i hate these people#but the thing is i don't care about this show or these characters at all#the only ones i can stand are edwina and the lesbian who wants to figure out who julie andrews is#like there's just so little i like about the show except idk i think that the bridgerton boys' hair and how they were styled was good#but the rest of it is just......nope#and this part in particular is a big ole NOPE#also i made sure to tag this anti so if you need it tagged anything else lemme know but if ANYONE#hops on my dick and gets mad about the fact that i tore this show a new one while it's literally tagged 'anti show'#i will beat you with a metal bat
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i just don’t understand. why say ur ready to talk if you aren’t?
can u believe this post is what got me to reach tag limit
#vaugepostimg on main about an irl don’t mind me#i just. am feeling sad bcus i have been trying to keep my distance and respect the space they said they needed. and then they reached out to#me for their book club and said we should chat and i got excited! i miss my friend of course i got excited#still let them take the lead. i want them to be comfortable. they said they’d lmk what day they were free#and then proceeded to ghost me for like. almost two weeks??#(it was 10 days but !!! still!!! almost 2 weeks from them suggesting i come to book club which would’ve inherently necessitated an irl talk#and then after all that yesterday said they actually weren’t ready which. hurted#tbf i knew something was up after like 2 days of them not replying so it’s not like i was fully caught off guard it just really hurt#and like i feel weird bcus our social circles are really overlapped and i spent a lot of time with them last winter and i had thought#that would happen again this winter. we would swim together a lot and i consistently went to their house dinners#bcus if i care about you i show up! and i’m understanding ! bcus i am patient and kind person and as a triple taurus i’m not tryna rush ever#especially when it comes to people’s emotions ??? especially if someone has told me i hurt them???? like ik im an autistic lesbian but#despite popular conceptions on that particular identity. im not fucking evil ????? if you ask for space i will give you space !!!!!#and like when it comes to emotions and conflict i’m blunt but i’m caring and it takes a lot for me to be disinfranchised by people#or relationships. so i’m not saying i don’t want to still be her friend#i’m just. noticing behaviors#they did tell me that they were very avoidant in conflict and i told them i’m very much not and like. now that i’m on the receiving end of i#idk what to do!! i’m not gonna chase her down like they’re grown!! and again!!! if you ask for space i’m going to respect that!!!#and like honestly. i’m happy she at least gave me the curtesy of saying they weren’t ready to talk even if it took her mad long to do it#so like. who tf knows when we’ll talk. if ever. probably when she wants the validation of our friendship if it even happens at all#bcus again. she reached out not to reconnect and clear the air but to check if i still wanted to come to her club she was starting#ik in earlier conversations she was worried no one would come but ig she found people. which like good for her tbh but to be honest i feel#discarded?? i’m feeling like i’m failing to not project too much so i gotta stop but idk man i’m just feeling weird about it all#and then i had the thought today of like. is this what i want in a friendship? someone who goes back and forth abt whether or not i’m worth#which again. kinda wasn’t expecting that bcus we spent so much time together last autumn/winter/spring like. many times per week!!!#so the idea of not being her friend all of a sudden?? feels fucjing weird to think about#but like? i don’t want to feel this way this is what i hate about west coast/white people conflict resolution!! there fucking isn’t any!!!#and i can’t deal with that! i can’t spend my life with people who aren’t going to engage with me as a person who cares about them#humans are fallible creatures and were only here on earth for so long so why are we wasting time here? what is the point of all this ???????#but then the guilt and shame say i deserve it all and at that point i just need to stop so. i’m gonna stop now lol
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Gonna be totally honest, I don't get how anyone can feel actual dislike towards Thirteenth and series 11-12. Indifference, yes, hatred/dislike? Why?
Edit: aaaand this got long, like most of my DW rants. Settle in, grab a cup of tea, a... Handful of dirt.
I just rewatched Praxeus and Can You Hear Me (12x06-07) and they're so interesting? So refreshing?
Edit: I'm mostly talking about Praxeus here because that's the aspect I want to develop, but Can You Hear Me is also very interesting to discuss in regards to another aspect of the show, less meta and more narrative. We'll get back to this later. Maybe.
First, Segun Akinola's score is beautiful. I already talked about it in another one of my posts (that I'm not going to look up now otherwise I'll be up til dawn), but it's subtler than Murray Gold's, but still very present and atmospheric. It's melancholic, and metallic, and ethereal, very 2020s, which totally suits Thirteenth. She's very paradoxical, Thirteenth, she's both very present and very distant, exactly like the music that surrounds her. I feel like this gif below, from Praxeus, describes rather well the feelings Akinola's music incite. The sort of wonder and nostalgic anxiousness at the beauty, force and fragility of planet Earth.
Secondly, the storylines in general are so much more... I wanna say heavy, but not in a negative or literal way. Heavy, as in, they get you to places in your psyche that you hadn't considered before, or in a long time. Which is something that Doctor Who has always done, by the way. But the feeling I get from having watched 2 episodes of Eleventh, one of Twelfth and 2 of Thirteenth in 3 days, is that previous narratives don't want to be too explicit about what they're about.
I'll explain. Praxeus talks about pollution, of the planet and of our own health. Other DW episodes have talked about that theme (though I cant think of one right now), but always in a manner that lets the viewer be reassured/distracted by the scifi elements. Praxeus is direct, and real. And I know what the critics are, "it's so preachy, it's so paranoid, bla bla". But... It's not? It's the actual reality? And what is science-fiction if not putting in the light our reality? What is Doctor Who if not a show about humans and Earth, at its core? And yes, maybe it's much more direct than before, but I invite you to look around you, look at the 21st century, look at these first years of the 2020s. The time for subtlety and gentleness is long gone, direct action, direct call to what must be corrected is what's needed.
And that's the strength of Doctor Who, I think, its adaptability to its time.
#doctor who#dw#dw series 12#thirteenth doctor#13th doctor#jodie whittaker#dw meta#dw rant#rapha is being a whovian#praxeus#segun akinola#i'm going to finish rewatching series 12 and then i'll rewatch series 13#because i am ENJOYING it and 13th is a delight and yaz is my depressed lesbian sister and i adore them#and it's actually making me sad seeing people hate on them#maybe there are some weak episodes but that's not new - go back to look at the first seasons of new who - there was some bad there too#and it's not the writing. it's not a question of bad writing. it's just not.#my opinion is that people don't want to acknowledge that doctor who has always been about the hard truths of the universe in general and#our human western society of the 20th-21st centuries in particular and they're mad because now the writing is making it clear#but like. the very FIRST episode back in 1963 was about humans learning to use and make fire and starting some fires on the way#if that's not telling you everything you need to know about the show... i don't know what to tell you anymore#anyway this is getting super long#whovians i invite you to INTERACT with my rants it feels like y'all are sleeping#what's going on why are you as a collective fandom not liking meta discussions?#doctor who is such a perfect show for meta and literary analysis come talk to me
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unfortunately im a chaser for cis dickgirls that arent so invested in transmisogyny. the harder they are to find, the more precious they become, and the more of a chaser i become
#i need a fat broad with autism and a critical approach to gender#god i hate how you cant say that without it being a dogwhistle for reactionary transmisogyny as opposed to critical thinking#this feels like before my time cause ppl were already using the term by the early 2010s#but whats going on with critical race theory atm has a similar possible end#not that it starts to represent some particular fringe group invested in some other form of structural violence#but that it becomes more and more meaningless and putting the terms race and critical together becomes more difficult#i dont know why this post turned into a tag commentary on robbing black people of language but here we are#trying to be abrasive with other trans lesbians is hard to do without getting distracted#and just being honest about observations#also the more i think about it i dont want to make that kind of commentary about racism just for the drama#that post about hypervisibility wasnt supposed to get a hundred notes lol#i dont think i should be playing chicken like this so much or at least give it a limit idk#at least not when i chose to engage the world that way#honesty or just existence as a trans woman is already a game of chicken#fml these tags are like twice as long now
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.
#if you 'fix' something by making every character into a lesbian woman i fucking hate you#For the love of god stop acting like boys existing is some kind of unforgivable sin#do you understand that transmascs have the HIGHEST SUICIDE RATE#i'm not dirty or in need of fixing because i'm a guy and believing so anyway is literally terf rhetoric#this is not @ any particular person it's just always on my mind#'would be better if it was yuri' would be better if you shut the fuck up#yes i understand that women and lesbians are marginalised as hell and that things are often tipped in favor of men#dont think that i dont understand that#but the solution isnt to dig guys into the ground and leave them there to die. you know that right.
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oh so everyone is lying about the movie d.e.b.s. huh. Its not bad in a good way. its not camp. its just annoying.
#its like the craft. watching the gifs on tumblr you'd think the insane goth girl is the main character#only for the majority of the film to focus on some girl you've literally never noticed who disappears in the posters from lack of charisma#the two lesbians were BORING. i thought all 4 of them were equally gay#turns out only the bland one is. french cigarette smoking devon aoki is worth seeing but#she barely has any lines#spud the evil lesbian's straight male best friend is the most entertaining & likeable character in the movie after devon aoki which is an L#for all lesbians and this movie in particular#& the female straight best friend has the only iconic line in this movie#“everyone thinks you're a hero when you're actually a slut. a gay slut”#movie sucked im sorry#also those two lesbians were so insanely weird looking. this is what lipstick lesbian means#not femme (which devon aoki is actually serving effortlessly in this film) but straight looking in a really uncomfortable way#beauty rituals femmes don't engage in like powdered bronzer contour#& straightened layer haircuts. & those weird ugly 2000s tshirts#hyperfeminine in an oddly sexless way which is like the opposite of femme#hated it. i wanted to see devon aoki make out with a woman#& the old lady director. they shouldve been killing each other for that older woman pussy but no#turns out shes just the defacto homophobic villain. ugh.
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amazon using the smash success of rwrb to mask the canceling of a league of their own
#look it's too soon to believe that 100% but im upset and will make these leaps until proven otherwise#i do know amazon hates writers and actors and lesbians in no particular order#aloto
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post: steve shaves his head
me: ..okay.. i guess i get it..
post: and then eddie shaves his head
me, anxious and nauseous: NO THE FUCK HE DOES NOT
#not in solidarity not ever#his hair is important#it's one of the ways he took and keeps control of his own appearance#it's one of the ways he says 'fuck you' to societal rules and expectations#it's important for headbanging#(you can headbang without the hair but it's not the same i promise)#and i love it and need people to stop trying to make eddie into a Regular Dude#i know that post in particular was supposed to be a 'he did it in solidarity with steve' thing but they also phrased it#as them both getting 'a fresh start' at life and shedding reputations or whatever and i hate it#steve wanting to be known for more than his hair is even kinda dumb. to shave it to 'take control from his parents' or whatever#s1 hair was his parents control. his hair after that is all him and he cares about it. likes caring about it. helps dustin with#his own hair. its not a negative thing for steve.#steve is a bisexual who babysits kids that call him mom his best friend is a lesbian and he fights monsters - there's a lot of ways you can#go about giving him freedom and power from/over his parents that doesnt include removing a feature he likes about himself#as for eddie - his whole thing is him not giving a fuck what people think. or at least trying to not give a fuck#its obviously a lot harder when people have decided you're a murderer (with zero proof and based 100% on their idea of you) but#even then - as dustin points out - he never stopped being eddie. no matter the threat against him he never changes anything about himself#to appease others or appeal to others. so why - after all of that - would he be up for a change??? and into something more normal-looking??#nobody gets to dictate anything about him - hasnt since he got away from whoever made him shave his head as a kid - and#they both have fucked up reputations - some of it true and some of it not - but why would they give a fuck?? after EVERYTHING??#steve has grown past stupid high school bullshit like 'popularity' so why would a stupid high school reputation that hasnt been accurate#for years matter to him?? everyone who matters knows him better than that#same goes for eddie#so like... idk man. i know im weirdly attached to certain things about certain characters and yeah it's 'just hair' but like..#when your hair isnt yours to control and then it finally is?? that's a big deal. that's important#and i know i wouldnt give it up for shit.#and maybe shaving their heads could be their decision but i really truly dont fucking think it would be#even just hair cuts feel like No. nope. no thank u. put that hair back where u found it and keep it there#mystposts
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my mother is absolutely convinced of some nonsense conspiracy theory that (in her words) "originally humanity lived in peaceful all-woman societies of goddess worshippers who took care of eachother and lived in harmony, while males were roving loners that had no society and never cooperated. that changed when the men banded together and overthrew the peaceful woman-dominated societies, and enslaved us all." and, according to her, this is proof that a woman-dominated world would be innately more peaceful, and that men are innately violent and evil and should be either barred from holding any legal power or leadership roles or at least should be (again in her words) "gelded like bulls" to remove their testosterone before even being considered for such a thing.
she also evidently believes that the problem with all religions today is primarily that they aren't "goddess worshippers", because she seems to think goddess religions are inherently peaceful and pure too and seems to be especially obsessed with "Isis" in particular. the very very few times she's openly considered it unambiguously bad for some population or another to have been exterminated (she's got a bad case of devil's advocating genocide brain), she's gone out of her way to make up some crap about how said people were a peaceful society of goddess-worshippers, almost always of isis. delusions of isis-worship seem to be the only thing that ever causes her to consider any arab or middle-eastern culture, society, or ethnicity to be relatively uncomplicatedly undeserving of extermination, in fact, because every fucking time she doesn't immediately start devils-advocating it and making remarks about how "the rest of the world should box them in and let them blow eachother up" it's when she's whinging on about how whatever specific micro-ethnicity she's thinking about are or were traditional persecuted isis-worshippers.
the sole major exception to her weird fixation on isis worship justifying worthiness of life is the whole israel thing going on, in which she has consistently made very obvious that literally the only reason she's against the genocide of palestine is because it gives her an excuse to even more openly hate jewish people than she already did. and honestly i'm not sure even that's true because i think she's made some offhand remarks about palestinians having probably been peaceful isis worshipers before the jews infected them with christianity or something anyway.
so for the last, however fucking long it's been i've been constantly having to listen to her go off about how this behavior is in the jew's blood or whatever and that they literally invented all genocide because somehow the concept didn't exist before them and wouldn't have ever been invented by the rest of humanity without those jewish aliens dropping it in i fucking guess apparently and she furthermore goes on about how every single genocide and mass-oppression movement in history is directly inspired by them, ESPECIALLY the nazis, and THEN i have to listen to her rant about how, basically, wwii was something they entirely brought on themselves by "dominating the economy and treating everyone not them like shit" and the nazis were just "using their own tactics back at them". and then she goes on a rant about how the people the original jews exterminated back in the day (aka the first ever genocide, which they invented, because jews invented genocide and hate according to her) in the middle east region were peaceful matriarchal isis-worshipers.
and then she starts making comments about arabs being backwards and palestinians either being mysogynist muslims that should be boxed in to blow eachother up with everyone else or secret peaceful isis worshippers corrupted by men's cruel hand, sometimes in the same sentence, entirely dependent on which group she's more in the mood to hate at the time.
it's exhausting. beyond exhausting. her sole purpose in existence seems to be to have the singularly most exhausting set of politics physically possible to fit into one person.
just, sometimes i think, if there really is anything at all to the incredibly stupid and inexplicably popular idea that anyone or anything has a Purpose tm to exist for, i feel like my mother's purpose is to be walking proof to me of a Type Of Guy That Is Real, cause i sure as fuck would have trouble inventing this mess if it wasn't standing right in front of me spewing confusingly bipartisan hate. all of her thoughts and opinions are these long winding nonsense chains that feel like if that man carrying thing sketch about the friend with confusing politics was a person. on meth.
#and sometimes i feel like she just believes whatever will allow her to hate and feel innately superior to the most people#the fact that this woman considers herself a leftist#... well. given what this country just voted for it looks unfortunately likely that she IS in fact a fairly average example of a leftist#and therefore i have zero remaining hope for or particular desire to save humanity#actually it kind of feels like the only reason she really aligns herself with “the left” is because she's a female supremacist#and the left is the closest thing to a movement in that direction compared to the only current alternate party's “lets undo women's rights”#and also she inexplicably hates trump despite constantly devils-advocating for him and how he “has some good ideas”#and yes she does specifically mean about immigrants and the wall. one of her staunchest positions is pro-closed borders#honesty if trump was a woman and not a misogynist sex pest i think she would like him a lot. even despite his blatant ignorance of economic#she's also a big “anti-wokeist” type and we can barely watch any movies anymore without her whining about there being black people in them#and then she's like “PEOPLE ONLY DON'T WANT TO WATCH MOVIES WITH ME BECAUSE MY THEORIES ARE ALWAYS RIGHT AND THEY'RE JEALOUS OF HOW SMART”#she's nominally anti-corporation but in practice tends to come down on their side and is also staunchly against student loan forgiveness#because she thinks that “anyone who's stupid enough to do that deserves it”#and “it would be a slap in the face to ME and everyone else that had to pay”#and “kids these days don't want to develop healthy financial habits so they can SAVE for things. i SAVED for it and i know how HARD it is”#the way she often talks i also increasingly feel like the only actual reason she hates christianity is because she's a female supremacist#especially since she regularly goes on about biblical things as if they're real and complains that god either must be a woman#because “only women can create”#or that god CLEARLY is a man because he's destructive and evil and Destruction is a Man Thing That All Men And Only Men Innately Do#and likes to talk about how “jesus said he would come back as the least of us so he would be a woman”#and then goes on to describe a woman that sounds suspiciously like her. or at least her perception of herself#she's also said that if she wasn't straight she would be a political lesbian by choice because she hates men so much#and has tried repeatedly to bitch at me about men in an “eyyy amirite sister” kind of way#and got mad when i didn't fancy the idea of sitting there joking with her about half the species being barely-sentient cancer nodes#but she ALSO identifies as sapiosexual despite having the most vanilla housewife smut book taste ever#but ALSO she considers every single other sexuality aside from straight and gay to be made up woke mental illness nonsense!#so according to her the only orientations are “normal”. gay. and sapiosexual. and SOMETIMES bi (but no pan or poly).#i'm fairly sure she's convinced asexuality isn't real and is just repression. she certainly acts like i never said anything every time.#unless she's explosively yelling at me for “always bringing it up” when i tell her to stop making jokes about me being attracted to things#and she thinks anything other than monogamy is “selfish” and “exists only for men to abuse women”. especially muslim and arab men.
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