#I hate the fact that my most productive years that helped me step up the working class ladder

[thef1diary]

Hey Di! I can’t help but feel like Daniel would LOVE watching his gal get ready 👀😍

Watching Me | D. Ricciardo

Summary: Daniel can't keep his eyes off you while you're getting ready to go out.

Warnings: none really, just a lotta fluff

Pairing: daniel x fem!reader (established relationship)

word count: 988

It's just something all men absolutely hate. You told yourself when you've been told multiple times in the past that it takes you too long to get dressed.

However the man that was currently watching you didn't have any sort of expression on his face that told you he didn't like this. He had a slight smirk on his face, so it was actually quite the contrary.

During the three years of your relationship, Daniel has never once voiced irritation over it. He actually enjoys watching you go through your routine step by step rather than leaving you to get dressed alone. And that is exactly what he is doing now.

Leaning against the doorframe, he is watching you stood with a towel wrapped around your body and another around your hair. You were applying your skincare products when you noticed him through the mirror. "What are you doing?"

He took that as a sign to walk further into the room, standing behind you but not touching you just yet. "Admiring the most beautiful person I've ever laid my eyes on."

His simple statement made you blush profusely and you shook your head with a smile on your face but didn't respond. Even after three years, he was still capable of making you speechless.

A few moments of silence later, while you continued your routine—now doing your hair—Daniel decided to wrap his arms around your body, resting his chin on your shoulder. Usually you wouldn't mind his embrace, in fact you actually liked it a lot but at the moment it restricted you from properly drying your hair. "Daniel?"

He hummed in response, "go change" you simply stated which made him chuckle. "Why, don't I look good like this?" He asked, gesturing to his current outfit he wore after taking a shower earlier in the day—shorts from his latest enchanté collection and a plain white t shirt.

You turned around, finally facing him. Placing a hand on his cheek, you spoke "as much as I love seeing those, it's our anniversary, baby." You pointed to his thigh tattoos that Daniel knew how much you adored.

He placed a kiss on your lips before walking towards the closet and picking out a suit. Actually, after going through all the suit options, he chose two then came to you to chose the final one.

Meanwhile, you decided to remove your towel and moisturize your body. Unfortunately for Daniel, he missed that part while he was getting dressed.

However, he returned to the room while you were putting your dress on. He had a white dress shirt on but didn't button it up. On the other hand, you were struggling to zip up your dress, you saw him through the mirror again, smiling at your struggles. "A little help please?"

He came up right behind you, moving your hair out of the way before tugging the zipper up. He turned you around and placed a kiss on your bare shoulder which was decorated by a small design in ink.

That's when you noticed his unbuttoned shirt. "What's this?" You asked with a smile on your face, knowing Daniel's antics very well. In fact he's been in a mischievous mood all day today. You didn't blame him, mainly because you were also in a celebratory mood, as you two were celebrating three years of being in a relationship.

"A little help please?" He shrugged, standing with an innocent look on his face. His bare torso also revealed the tattoo he had near his shoulder, of love and life, and you grazed your thumb over it before moving down his chest.

You returned the favour by buttoning his shirt up but also had a teasing smirk on your face, "am I supposed to get dressed or help you get dressed?"

"What can I say, I like taking up all your attention." He responded instantly. Truth is, with Daniel, your smile never fades away so it wasn't a surprise that you had a smile on your face.

"Is there a problem with that?" He added, but you shook your head. "No, what can I say, you already have all of my attention."

"Good, because you have all of my attention too, every second of every day." He pulled you closer by his grasp on your waist, touching your nose with his before rubbing them together. This little gesture has become a habit over the years.

"Even while you're racing?" You asked when he pulled back. Your question made him laugh, showing off his pearly whites, "yes even when I'm racing."

"Look at you, openly admitting this bad habit of yours." You clicked your tongue and shook your head, turning around to start your makeup.

"You're not my bad habit, but if you were, I'd be a goner." He stated, which made you pause. "Daniel, you can't say things like that."

He shrugged and moved next to you, picking out the products he uses to style his hair. Truth is, once you started dating him, you also convinced him to buy styling products for his hair. After all, he had amazing curls but would barely take care of them. So whenever you saw him using the products you recommended, you smiled.

Instead of looking at himself in the mirror, he was looking at you, captivated by your beauty. What can he say, he fell in love with you more and more every day.

You two were silently enjoying each other’s presence while trying to quickly get dressed as Daniel made reservations at your favourite restaurant. He finished before you, using the extra time to sit on the bed, just watching you with a smile on his face.

This is something that will never get old, him watching you with love and admiration present in his eyes.

[its-time-to-write]

i know now it’ll pass - ch. 5

I think these last two chapters are my favorite🥲 Lmk with you all think of the series bc I crave validation!!! No such thing as too many comments🥺🥺

still miss you

It’s the worst. You’re working in Manchester of all places, and you really wish that you were somewhere else. But they paid the most and offered housing and were able to hire you within two and a half weeks of your breakup. Higgins wrote a glowing letter of recommendation, and just like that, you were gone. 

You’re going to miss your flat, you realize. You don’t even know who bought it. Doesn’t matter. They were willing to pay twice what it was worth as long as they were the offer you accepted.

It’s good that Jamie won’t see you around. Won’t have any lingering reminders. It’s good that you’re the one who ended things, because he won’t be able to blame himself for it. (He probably still will, you think, but you put that thought in a tiny box and put it on a shelf far away.) 

Jamie doesn’t see you, but you see him. You see him in photos on the wall and hear him in the local voices and wish you could have just accepted his love for a little while longer.

You watch every single one of his games and cheer when he makes a goal. Or a pass. Or anything, really. He’s started running like Roy Kent did at Chelsea, like he’s angry at the grass. At least his anger is channeled into something productive.

Your new flat faces the sun, and you’re on the steps all the time. It’s not standard housing, it’s a real actual flat that Man City bought for you. It’s not big but it’s clean and yours and has a real, actual garden in the back. You think that you can manage this until you meet your neighbors and realize you’re really and truly fucked and the universe hates you.

You met the husband, Simon, on one of your sleepless nights. It was still relatively early, just 1:30, but you could tell that you weren’t going to get much sleep. Dr. Sharon transferred you to someone in Manchester, but now you were awake for different reasons. Jamie’s face kept haunting you so you kept your eyes wide open. Some mornings you’d wake up under the weighted blanket and think that it was him, in your groggy haze. Then you’d blink a couple times and remember that you’d broken up.

So you don’t sleep much. And now you’re on the porch with a cup of the tea Jamie’s mum recommended so long ago, the strong smell steaming into the air. As you sit down on your chair (you have a chair now) you hear a soft voice say, “Lovely night, isn’t it?” You nod and look over to see your neighbor sitting on his chair as well on the lawn. 

“Sometimes I like to come out here and look at the stars,” he continues. “Can’t always see very many of them, but the fresh air is nice. I’m Simon, by the way.”

You nod again, give him your name, and sip your tea.

“Is that Sleep Plus by Twinings?” he asks. “I only ask because my wife swears by it. Has a cuppa every single night, so I’m well-acquainted with the smell.”

You smile. “Yeah, it is. A friend gave it to me. Said his mum loved it too. I have trouble sleeping, so…”

Simon nods. “Georgie, that’s my wife, used to have the same problem. Too many things on her mind, she said. But she’s been alright ever since we’ve been married. She says that it wasn’t really a chemical problem in her brain, but more the fact that she was always worried. Took me years to show her I wasn’t someone she needed to be worried around. But, I proved myself and here we are.” He chuckles fondly. “She’s upstairs snoring loud as can be.”

You sit in silence a while longer before Simon gets up and says, “Lovely to meet you. I’ll have Georgie invite you ‘round for tea sometime.”

Tea with your neighbors sounds wonderful until you walk into their flat and see pictures of Georgie’s son on the walls and on tables and on the fridge and in basically every possible space she can find. Simon mentions how he researched creative things to do with photographs because it “helps Georgie when she misses him,” and you know for an absolute fact that the universe has a personal hatred for you.

It has to, because why else would you have unwittingly gotten a flat right next to Jamie’s parents?

You force yourself to behave as normally as possible and thank them for a lovely meal. Georgie grabs your arm on the way out and says you ought to come over again some time. She hugs you and tells you she didn’t have a sparkle in her eyes at your age, either. She knows what it’s like and maybe you can have tea together tomorrow night, just the two of you. Talk about it and maybe you don’t have to struggle as much as she did.

You don’t smile at her, but she doesn’t mind. Georgie reaches out a hand to wipe away a tear and says, “Oh love. It’ll be alright. You’re not alone all the way out here. I miss my son something terrible and I can see you’re missing someone too. You’ve already made me feel better and I hope I can help you the way you’ve helped me. Good to have someone young around here.”

She’s smiling, and you realize she and Jamie have the same soft eyes.

Georgie hugs you tight again before you can bolt out the door. “You’re not alone, sweetheart,” she whispers. “You’ll be alright.”

—

Simon and Georgie are a godsend. Sure, you have to suffer their son staring down at you from his various portraits in the house, but you can talk to them. They’re like parents with the way Georgie hugs you and Simon is always bringing over excess baked goods. They’re always available to talk and listen, to laugh and sometimes, to cry.

Georgie tells you about her ex-husband one nights and it’s enough to make you sob. You tell her about your ex-boyfriend (the bad one) through gasps while she rubs your back and murmurs, “I’m right here, love.”

“How were you able to be with Simon?” you ask once you’ve calmed down. “I just can’t understand that. I’ve tried, I really have, but I was just waiting for him to get tired of me. And I’m not positive he ever would have.”

Georgie thinks for a moment. “I think I finally realized that James was not the standard for all men. He and Simon were very different, and Simon always showed me he respected me as a person. It took years of that, but here we are.” She laughs. “He’s a very patient man. Not many would put up with me and my Jamie.”

Jamie was patient. And funny. And the exact opposite of your ex. He’s confident with a touch of arrogance, but it’s the kind of confidence that’s contagious as opposed to oppressive. He’s sweet and thoughtful, and does things without expecting something in return. He likes to make you smile just for the sake of it, and you like to do the same.

You’re shaken from your reverie by Georgie saying, “That reminds me, Jamie’s coming into town this weekend. You should come over to meet him.”

She and Simon share a not-so-subtle glance that means you should date our son and become our actual daughter-in-law because you’re basically already ours, and that’s when you decide you’re going to be horribly ill.

“I’d love to,” you say out loud. “I’ll check my calendar.”

Table of Contents

[pynkhues]

I love watching shows but never really follow the cast but with iwtv I am kinda doing it with Jacob and Sam now, in terms of watching interviews etc. and their chemistry and friendship is so good. I imagine a lot of that is like the forced proximity but it also feels very sincere idk if most casts are like this but im really enjoying them

It is! I've talked about it a little bit in another post which tumblr's search function is not being helpful with, haha, but I think there were a whole bunch of circumstances at play probably with Jacob and Sam forming the relationship they did. In particular, I think it was probably a perfect storm of the pandemic intensifying the circumstances, both being at similar points in their careers in that they'd been jobbing actors but were becoming established in their home countries and so IWTV marked a huge step up for them both professionally given they're lead roles / it's a high budget series/ a US production, and that they seem to have pretty similar ideas about not just what they're adapting, but the culture they want to create on set as the actors at the top of the call sheet, and their processes more generally.

I think it's the latter thing that often is a pretty major influence too? The last two fandoms I've been in were Succession and Good Girls, and those casts had very different dynamics. The Succession cast - particularly the actors playing the father+siblings I think fell into that family relationship a bit, which in my experience isn't all that uncommon, so while there was a lot of love (and Sarah seemed closest with basically everyone), they also as a cast pretty clearly annoyed each other in that sibling-way too (Jeremy was actually the one to say that they literally feel like a family for better and worse to which Kieran very much nodded, haha). I think it was compounded by the cast clearly having very different approaches to acting too (Brian Cox being traditional-Shakespearean, Jeremy Strong being method, Kieran Culkin increasingly improvising / trying to make the others break) which is lowkey funny to me, but I can understand why that would create friction. It probably wasn't helped by the fact that members of the cast knew each other before the show and that many of the leads were at very different stages of their careers.

They seem to talk a lot less in general, but also seem to still be supporting each other's new projects and a lot of them have been spotted at each other's theatre shows over the last year even, so I think the love is genuinely still there.

Good Girls there was like, one person (the fan favourite and half of the main ship at that, lol) who very much had a rift with the rest of the cast, but the three lead actresses had (and still have!) an extremely adorable friendship. Retta and Mae Whitman were even recently at Christina's wedding and they all even regularly post nostalgically about working together on Instagram even though the show ended three years, which is really cute.

But yeah, there are also a lot of casts who are just colleagues or even hate each other's guts, haha, so we've truly lucked out with this cast. Hopefully it stays that way!

[wamtorical]

Jemima was approaching her second birthday and was slowly but surely growing bigger. While the loans were far from being fully paid off, they were progressing reasonably well and all seemed fine. In reality, Elmer's job as a nurse proved to be a difficult task, often leaving him home as late as 10pm. He thought it was ridiculous; how would he manage to spend quality time with his lonesome wife and child living like this?

In search of a means to relax, Elmer took up a new hobby: woodworking. Not only could this help save money, but it could help make money should anyone be interested in his creations. His first long-term project was an easel he'd made for Claudia, subtly encouraging her to explore a new hobby and follow in his footsteps. Given the limited activities on the farm, indulging in a little fun wouldn't harm either of them.

Still, the mounting stress was taking its toll hard on Elmer. The weight of his responsibilities became overwhelming and solemnly watching him break down as soon as he stepped foot into the bedroom was an all too common occurrence for Claudia.

She too faced her own set of challenges as she navigated the journey of motherhood, shouldering the responsibility alone most of the time due to Elmer's demanding shifts. Raising a child sure proved to be a tricky task. Jemima's peaceful and quiet nature occasionally granted her moments of respite and during these precious intervals, she managed to carve out time for herself. Leaving the task of nurturing the baby to a trusted friend, Vera Brindleton - patriarch of the proud Brindleton family - had invited her for tea in the local cafe to finally get to know the new family in town ... Even if it had been a few years by now.

The town centre held a special place in Claudia's heart. It offered a stunning view of Brindleton Bay's finest sea and alongside it, a vibrant yet not overwhelmingly crowded atmosphere. The surrounding shops and their nostalgic energy, as if you could sense the citizens that had once roamed the area years back, added to the charm of the place. During their outing, the topic of children had been brought up by Vera.

Vera: "A single babe? And a female, too? That shan't do Claudia, do you know how imporant bearing sons are for us ladies?"

"Should you feel true pride for your country and take the role of a proper English woman, you simply must give birth to future protectors of our land. I've lived by that for as long as I can remember. Do you know how many brothers I have?"

Claudia: "I appreciate the sentiment, Vera, but I believe bearing children is more than just producing human safety nets - Though believe me when I tell you I don't intend to come across hostile. Pregnancy has just never been an easy decision for me."

Vera let out a deep sigh, dismissing Claudia's logic as if it were a mere product of a child's mind in dire need of further education.

Vera: "I love my sons very much. My boys understand just as much as I do their role in society. They must protect us and I assure you they are more than willing to die for Britain. Pride naturally courses through their veins. War is not something to be wished upon, of course, I'm saying it is simply what they were born for." Vera calmly claimed, leaving Claudia wondering how Vera's youngest boy - 6 months - was able to understand the weight of his mortailty to this degree.

Claudia: "But Vera, raising children is ever so hard ... And should war come upon us, I'd hate to see any son of mine leave to fight. My child's life is surely worth more than my country."

"Then you stand alone. You have a kind heart, Claudia, but you lack the ability to see past your emotions. The greater good will always be for, as it suggests, the greater good. No matter what."

After they'd parted, Claudia felt incredibly conflicted. On one hand, she wanted to stay true to her values and on the other, she couldn't help but ponder whether there was any truth to Vera's words. One undeniable fact remained: most women in Brindleton bay possessed sizely families, so just like Vera had put it, she really did stand alone. Perhaps, she thought, it would be better to contribute to this societal norm rather than disappoint the people around her. It was just so scary ... Claudia would have to make up her mind, and fast.

📜 next / previous / first

[ofyoonas]

☆ welcome to infinite entertainment! it's BAE YOONAH (YOONA), who is the MAIN VOCALIST of BRAVEHEART. i’ve heard whispers that the 26 year old is pretty ADAPTABLE but lowkey SCEPTICAL. also, doesn’t she remind you of JEON SOMIN?

Yeah, I know, it's Esme again. Truth to be told, I've been working on this darling for about a year and I can't believe she's now a reality. Yoona is my onion, as my good sis Donkey would say, and you don't get to see her true self unless you earn that right. So don't get discouraged if she's not the most open of my muses. Despite that, she's very friendly and likes to be around people, so give her a try. As always, you can message me on @offleurs to plot with her!!

Childhood

Born during a snowstorm, Yoonah was always meant to bring chaos into the world. Her mother was barely nineteen when Yoona came into the world screaming her lungs out, all on their own as the father ran as soon as he knew about the pregnancy.

Her mother did what she could to give her a good life, finding any job that gave her enough to pay for a small one-bedroom apartment and keep food on their table. It was never enough, and Yoona learned from a very young age that life was very difficult for those who couldn't afford it.

Her mother dated plenty of men, looking for acceptance and a family for Yoona. But they were mostly men who only wanted to take advantage of a single mother and were pretty much always mean to Yoona.

So Yoona grew up hating men, thinking they were really just a mistake of nature. Men never brought anything good into her life, and she was always relieved when she found her mother crying because she had been dumped once again.

Despite that, her mother was still very loving and wanted Yoona to have everything she didn't - a good life, and a good education, so she wasn't allowed to date anyone and she couldn't befriend boys. Which, really, Yoonah was more than happy to accept that because they weren't worth her time.

By the time she went to high school, tired of the life they had, knew she had to do something to help her mother.

In reality, being an idol wasn't something she wanted to do. In fact, she thought that maybe a modeling job would be good enough. It was then we scouted by Vibe Productions, because of her pretty face and how nice she would look in a girl group. Her singing voice was a surprise, one that needed a lot of work because she had no training, but it could be great if she actually tried.

Training Years

It was funny how she went to a house where she barely had anything to a dorm where she had to share every single thing and yet there was always food in her belly and a warm bed to sleep in. It was crazy how she could take a hot shower every day and stop taking those cold but quick showers at home just to save water and gas. It was a whole new world for her and she wasn't going to waste the opportunity.

So she kept to herself and minded her business, worked hard, and trained. She wanted to debut and finally make some money so she could take her mother out of that place and give her a better life. After so many sacrifices, her mother deserved peace.

It was difficult, though, when the company made sure all the girls fought for their place in the next group, practically encouraging them to step on each other or move the other out of the way no matter the way just to earn it. It could have been easy to do it, she was competitive enough and had reasons to try and be better than others, but Yoona didn't fall for it. She did her best to stay at the top without hurting others in the process. That didn't make her immune, she went through a lot and others did hurt her, and yet she managed to rise above.

Still, it was a surprise when she was selected to be part of a group with other three girls. She didn't mind, she could adapt and work with them, as long as they could make it. But she was terrified - there were so many things that could go wrong. Every day she went to practice hoping they wouldn't be told that their debut wouldn't happen, that when it did happen, Yoona wondered if this was what she truly wanted.

Debut

Sharing everything with other three girls was a challenge, not wanting to step on anyone's fingers but also trying her best to work hard and make sure Braveheart did well. She hadn't expected to feel comfortable around them, even if they all were so different. Yoonah didn't want to be the leader, she didn't want to be the spoiled maknae or anything at all. Being on the stage was fun, she got to see the world in a different light, and that was enough for her.

She really didn't have a role in the group, she felt. She went out there and did her job, but other than that, she was more than happy to be away. After all, she wanted to stay out of trouble so there was no reason to kick her out of the group.

So it took her a while to open up to her members, but when she did, they became her world.

Merge

Just another company, right? They still got to be on the stage and got paid, so what was the issue? Infinite couldn't be worse or better than Vibe, at least she supposed. As long as Braveheart was still together and could make music, Yoona didn't mind much. It was difficult to see so many familiar faces and have to see them around as much now, when she was used to Vibe and being just a few artists around. But still, she made new friends, allowed herself to relax, and maybe being around others wasn't so bad.

And maybe, as she realized how big the group was and that she was irreplaceable, then maybe she began living life and enjoying the fact she had the freedom to spend her own money as she pleased, to have fun, to go out and meet others. Men were good between the sheets at night, but the morning came and so she walked out the door before she could be stopped.

Tour

She got to travel and be on the stage with her girls, she didn't need much. She explored every city, had fun, did many things at night and forgot the next day. Met people in a city and left them behind, because that was life, and getting attached sounded like too much job.

Yoonah is a free spirit, she doesn't really need to overthink or feel when she can just enjoy life as it goes. Whilst it was really long, she still managed to survive without any major scandal or having the managers lose all their hair trying to control her ways.

Present

Life is boring, she accepts. Traveling was fun, if anything very tiring, but at least she didn't feel the need to run because they were moving every two weeks and she didn't have to worry about what she left behind.

Now she's forced to stay in one place, dealing with the consequences of her actions and having to be more careful with what she does.

Her wanderlust asks her to run away and never come back, she has enough money to make it and she can make sure her mother has everything she needs in her absence. But she's attached to the other Braveheart girls and can't do that to them. Oh, but she considers it every day.

Random Facts

Even if she's closed off with her thoughts and feelings, you don't have to get close enough to her to be her friend.

She has two sides - the one she gives everyone; funny, daring, reckless. And the real one; a girl that never got to be a child, so she can be quite childish and silly when she feels comfortable with the person.

She's perceived as the silly member of Braveheart - she's a sore loser and still always loses lmao. She also always says the wrong thing at the worst possible moment, she has just terrible timing to speak.

[whispersleftunsaid]

Island

Oh island, your warm isolation soothes my soul. So serene it is that my thoughts themselves stir the silent air. My shadow as my only company. Surely this place is paradise.

Yet despite the seemingly glistening waves and the refreshing breeze. It cannot hide it’s own vanity. No water can quench its thirst, no pleasure can outlast its cold and icy grip.

In the daylight the isle shines with life filling its every corner. But only when the sky is painted dark does its true appearance rise to the surface.

The isle’s lush forest once so full of verdant trees and the rustling noise of moving creatures is now withered, silent, and eerily still. The once refreshing springs are now the home of mire and muck, drowning any life that dares to even move. The once cool wind that howled betwixt the trees are replaced with an enveloping silence that scream louder than any storm. The bright light that warmed the isle's stage and called on it's performance ceases to reveal what was hidden behind the facade. A cold, decrepit, rotten, and lonely place that no one would ever wish to dwell in.

Each night it feels as if the island drifts farther from the land it once embraced and called home. Disconnected. It longs for the company but finds itself safer isolated and alone. At night it cries out in sorrowful agony. It looks for someone to tread the dark sea. But its voice falls to deaf ears as its very cry is lost in the howling of its sweet mirage.

Choosing to be isolated is a choice I make often. And it’s not because I want to be isolated, I in fact wish and long for someone I can trust to be real to with. I just find myself alone when I don’t know who to trust.

There’s a lot of hurt that sealed me behind a door I willingly locked myself. I know it’s not healthy but I’ve grown to find comfort and peace behind this sealed space more than anywhere else.

I do occasionally step out and share what Ive been cooking on inside but it’s almost always processed and never raw. It’s like an oven. Very rare is it for someone to see the mess of dough and raw ingredients. They almost always see a cake or the end product.

Why you might ask? I thought before that it was because I didn’t want to burden anyone. But now I realize that it’s because I’m simply scared to just get hurt again.

And that’s the risk of being vulnerable to someone. Its reward is like no other. Finding someone you can truly trust, who sees you at your most authentically worst and still is there for you. It is a rare and special bond unlike any other. But it also is a pain like no other when someone you open up to hurts you instead. Even worse if it was someone you once thought you could trust. Ah the sting of betrayal.

I realized coming out from my heartbreak last year that I’ve been finding myself on this sealed side of the door more often. There was just so much pain to process and Ive sealed my vulnerable self behind the door so often that I’ve forgotten how to open it.

I’m scared to be hurt and I hate how I’m still afraid. I hate how I sometimes find my heart still aching even after all this time.

One line from Dear Evan Hansen always resonates with me when it is sung. “The parts we don’t tell, we carry them well but that doesn’t mean it’s not heavy.”

Sometimes I wonder if I’m actually ok or if I’m just pretending to be. I wonder if it’s all an act that everyone’s fell for, an act so good, I even fooled myself.

Is this normal? Is this something I’ll carry for the rest of my life now? I don’t want to. I miss the innocence I had before I even knew of such a pain.

But the good thing is that I’m not alone. Someone has reached the island. Someone is on the other side of the sealed door with me. And that’s been God.

It’s at night when I really let the mask off. I go to my balcony and just talk to God and share to Him everything. The person I longed for who I know I can trust. The one who I know without a doubt would be there for me and never abandon me is Him.

He helps me see things in ways I never would have imagined or guessed. He’s given me hope. And I hate how easy it is for me to run away from Him after I’ve received the comfort I so longed for.

I’m so stubborn and it’s why I appreciate His patience with me. I honestly think that perhaps this pain is a thorn in the flesh meant to make me cling onto Him and depend on Him. For me not to be lead so astray that I’ve wandered too far away. The thorn is for my good and brings me to His feet.

This sweet passage in Corinthians is what I preach to myself. It was a passage that my brother Guian (who was in my breakout group) mentioned during one session and it was among the stations on the special night.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭12‬:‭9‬-‭10‬ ‭ESV‬‬

His grace has been more than sufficient for me. It’s been so good that all the doubts I had that I was just pretending to be ok were dispelled as false. In light of God’s truth, everything is laid bare indeed. God has brought so much healing to me and tho it doesn’t mean my heart won’t ache, it’s a heart that is held together by my Father’s very own embrace.

[anicekidlikeme]

All of this communication, but is it really worth jack shit?

Last week was painfully long, this week is off to a crappy start, and Drew pissed me off today. I don't think it's entirely fair to call this a fight, so, I am calling it Vaibhavi's shut-down time. Shut-down periods usually coincide with the shy little feeling that I am being stretched too thin. I am known to hate it.

I'll be honest, life has been so fucking excruciating recently. I have received an influx of opinions these past few days, more than you could think to count, and they all echo in my head in the form of painful, nonstop voices. Do I not fulfill all your expectations? Am I doing enough? Am I a liar? Do I enable bad habits? Am I the problem? I know the answers. There is a girl inside of me and she is so little and so scared but she knows enough to scream, this is all so terribly wrong. I fail her so many times. My therapist tells me to think of my pain as a little baby who lives in the heart. When a baby cries, you don't think to question why, scold her, or point an angry finger. No, it's a baby. All you can do is hold it tenderly.

I must not be very motherly, because I seem to be doing all the steps wrong. I fear I am cold, bitter, too mean. I also fear that everyone else thinks so.

I know it's okay to be hurt and I know it is okay to feel this stabbing one-of-a-kind pain when you are hurt by somebody you love. I know it's all okay, but I can't help feel a little shame for being so angry. It wouldn't be such a big deal on any other day, or maybe it would be. I don't know if this is a product of an especially shitty day or me being an especially shitty person. But right now, my pile of life-shit is starting to run out of room, so I am letting myself think that on a blank slate this would be no biggie. But it was. And it was piled up on top of my life-shit.

For his work, Drew has to spend a lot of time outside. I come with him whenever I can, mostly to watch him work but also to look at the grass before it gets a summer's trim. We were having an evening that was so perfect that I had entirely forgotten the million things that have been worrying me. And then it was 1,000,000 + 1. Why? Over absolutely fucking nothing. He said nothing wrong and he did nothing big. I hate when that happens. The most irritating part about being wrong is knowing post-outburst that all your words were just reactionary forces to your insecurities. Here are mine:

I remember how much I treasured my first real boyfriend after it was all official. It wasn't love, but I really enjoyed his company. I had someone who would say nice things to me when the world was shut down and nobody could go anywhere. It was a pretty sweet gig until the pandemic thing blew over, and I had to date him for reals.

When we started having sex I was terrified that it just wasn't enough. In fact, I was one of those post-sex crybabies the first time. The crying absolutely stops, but the feeling lingers. Have you seen my body? Some days I look at myself and think ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly. It is unbearable. Of course I cried, I couldn't stand feeling so seen. I thought sex will never be good for either of us because I am just so hopelessly terrible-looking. With how it all ended, I am sure we don't have very many kind words to exchange. I ran into this ex a couple times last year, and it felt alarmingly silent. We both happened to be developing film at the same time. I stole a quick look at his pictures, they were much better than mine. We did not speak. The second time was on the bus. This time I waved. No wave back. Mr. perfect-looking-film, if you are reading, that made me a little sad. I was stressed when you made me feel so seen and I was stressed when you didn't see me at all. I have heard many stories about him the past couple years through the grapevine, mostly about dumb college fuck ups. No words are ever useless, so I hope it's worth something that I never believed any of them.

A cousin who I love so dearly asked me the other day how I did and do this. How do I deal with anger towards my body? When do things get better? Should I start working out? I wish I could give her a blueprint. Instead, I told her to ask my boyfriend for a healthy-non-destructive diet and workout plan. I don't know if I did the right thing. How the fuck would I? The disgust I feel towards my body has been able to journey from there to here: a quiet calm place where I don't think about my stretch marks and my small shitty butt all day, but it took a lot of time. I fucking hate when I disrupt that peace for myself, which has been often lately.

I can make myself feel so undesirable with my what-ifs. What if when someone thought of the perfect body they thought of me? What if I was someone's dream girl? What if I was the first pick when you have to think of good examples of sexy sultry perfect women with perfect butts? It would be nice, big whoop.

I have yet to sort that out, so when the pain comes back, I pick her up, whisper shh shh shh in her small beautiful ears, and wait for it to become easy again. My little heart baby's face is often red from all her tears. But life can only be understood backwards: maybe one day I will write about my happiness and realize that my baby is calmy resting.

My other big insecurity is my mouth. A new, long-term stressor was at its peak recently, and I had to go on a different medication to help my brain work it out. The medication makes my teeth rot. I am so resentful of this stressor, but I never dare say the things I want to. I can never be unfiltered about this one part of my life. But they are the worst. I never want to smile anymore, I am scared Drew will notice my rotting teeth and my rotting gums. It's bad enough that he has to deal with this body.

My dearest novelist Dostoevsky maintained the view that being in hell is simply the suffering of being unable to love. If I didn't have Drew, this loathing would surely feel like hell. I want to be the first option, I want to be the example, I want to be desired, and I want to be so beautiful that there is no room for comparison. I wonder sometimes why it is that we hurt each other so much, often with so little intention to do so. If I am holding my crying baby, who is holding me? I wish my pain was a visible, vibrant color that you could see forming on my chest so that I never had to communicate when I needed gentleness. Asking for it makes me feel so full of shit. I think I needed it the day of Vaibhavi shut down time. I should have said so, but I was static set on being okay. Obviously I wasn't.

I hate my voice most of all.

I once had a father. Now I do not. But when I did, my family would fight a lot. My mother, her brothers, my grandma, and him had a tendency to loudly regurgitate their problems over and over and over till the sun was down. Their most prominent problem was the one childlike child they had, and were stuck with. Those fights were mostly just a blur of accusations about my being, how it was a huge mistake. It began when I was 5. She doesn't even know how to do this! And all she does is beg for help with her fucking voice. She's half you after all. I heard this half-you half-me bullshit until I left, it made me feel like I had no good halves to me.

My father made the most horrifying impressions of my voice. Like it was so ugly and shrill that the only way to shake off the physical discomfort of my sound was through mockery. I remember it well. So punctuated, so loud, so painful to hear. Repeating everything I have ever said. Every "Why?" I'd ever uttered, every excited babble, every discovery I made was always turned into an impression when it was wartime. My voice became a constant reminder of their unhappiness. One day my mother choked me because she couldn't stand my voice. I used to collect tea cups. My uncle shattered them all because he was that agitated by my talking. Even as I write about it now, I feel the familiar ache of my heart shriveling up. It hurts. So now, years later, someone repeating my words in a joking tone (even if it is with the sweetest of intent) leaves me shivering and angry. The fear of their mocking, even in its absence, makes me want to shrink into myself. So yes, leaving India wasn't just about distance; it was about escaping the echo chamber of my ugly childhood. It has happened with Drew a few times, and my words come off much sharper than I intended. I said to him this morning, why are you being so mean? stop it.

Am I? No Drew, you never are. You are so bright, and I am so dimly lit sometimes that I don't know how to respond to your awesome boyfriend-ness, so I get frustrated. My mother says to me, सुंदर ही तो प्रेम करता है (only the beautiful find love). I have been feeling so ugly lately Drew. Inside and out. There seem to be so many reminders that what I am is simply not good. None of them come from you, I know that. They shouldn't matter, I know that too. There's just so many of them. So many. I don't understand it. Why this? Why now? Why so much of it? I hear it all in my head, all this screaming. I have been trying to make sense of the recent days with the Socratic method (once again, the ex-philosophy major never escapes me). True wisdom comes from self reflection, but what if my view of the self today is rooted in every minor criticism? Should I keep self-examining? It seems like I am shit out of luck there. Should I try to find out why I have become this green dumping ground? What the motive is behind these stressors? My candid opinion is that these stressors are abusive assholes with great expectations: for people to stay on the path they have paved. It has to be the only one, because it is the one where they are most needed. Often that means letting them be the protagonist while you are stuck being the fuck up. It's a cruel, controlling fuckfest. And it is quite literally killing me. If one more person mentions to Drew how there are so many problems, me being one of them, I fear I might just pull all my hair out.

But there is no pain that love cannot fix, and there has never been a pain Drew hasn't taken away. I know I will feel pretty again, I know things will slow down. I do. To reach the summit, you have to work through all the yucky shit first. And it is so lovely to share a yucky shit-pile with someone who loves you. So maybe I do believe in the infinite connection we share. And maybe this connection is for all humans, a form of practical liberation. I feel more complete now, and I think it's because Drew might be my good half. Life is half me half him now, and he is a great great great half. It is so relieving to have somebody to love. This feels like a very phony way to end, so i'm going to try to conclude every post with a picture now. It might not stick, but it's a start.

[modernarchitecturefirminla]

Dean Larkin Design Top Design Innovations at KBIS 2024

The Dean Larkin Design team recently visited the 2024 Kitchen and Bath Industry Show® (KBIS), which was held in Las Vegas. The KBIS event includes thousands of highly-qualified interior designers, kitchen and bath designers, dealers, architects, showrooms, custom builders and remodelers. KBIS is co-located with the NAHB International Builders Show (IBS), and together they make up Design & Construction Week® drawing over 100,000 design & construction professionals between the two events. Today we are discussing what we considered most intriguing or interesting design innovations at KBIS 2024.

Top 3 Design Innovations at KBIS 2024

Below are a few of my top picks from the design innovations at KBIS this year, and some thoughts on why they were so interesting or amazing.

Space Step by Blum

You may have noticed if you follow our Instagram (and if you don’t, you should! Here’s the link) that we have been posting some of the neat things we saw at KBIS. One of these in particular was a step made by Blum. The Space Step offers extra storage space as well as gives easier access to tall cabinets. For safety, the anti-slip system activates with a weight addition of only 18 pounds and securely locks the sturdy platform into position. And the step surface can support up to 330 pounds.

Instagram Fun

We posted about this step on Instagram and the clip just went crazy. In fact, to date our clip has received over 4 MILLION views! So many of you watched it and commented, and we appreciate the love! Some of the comments included

“Short people assemble!! “This needs to be in every home!“

“Or lower the cabinets.”

“You had me until storage. Plot twist. You slip, open the storage part, and fall in, and are found a month later with the baking pans.”

We found it interesting how some people loved or hated this design innovation at KBIS 2024. Whatever the comments, love or hate the product, we had a lot of fun with all of your comments. In fact, we may have a little surprise planned in relation to this fun Instagram interaction. Stay tuned!

Blum also showcased a line of hidden pantry doors. We thought it was cool to see how this feature is so popular now, though we have been using it for years. In fact, we utilized this concept in our Macapa project!

Murphy Door Hidden Pantry

Speaking of hidden things, we also really liked the hidden pantry by Murphy Door! Murphy Doors blend into rooms and you really can’t tell they are there. The doors come in a variety of designs and sizes. For example, they may look like a built in spice rack, mirror, or bookshelf. The doors don’t have handles or door knobs and they can be fitted with a door locking system.

Kast Concrete Basins

This product is one that will be launching in June, and it is just beautiful! Not for everyone, the sink has an $18,000 price tag, but it’s really something. All Kast products are made from traditional, aggregate-based concrete using limestone from local suppliers in Derbyshire alongside specially sourced sands and high-quality pigments. Kast offers a palette of 28 colors.

Kast also has colorful sinks that are playful and just delightful with a lovely feel. I couldn’t get enough of the feel of the concrete sinks.

Kast says that the combination of aggregates naturally enhances the strength of the concrete and provides stability and durability. The texture creates a solid, tactile aesthetic.

Contact Dean Larkin for Exceptional Contemporary Design in California

These are just a few of the design innovations at KBIS 2024 that we enjoyed. Hope you enjoyed this little peek into the design trends that may soon be design options for a new home or home remodel. Dean Larkin Design’s team will help you decide what features you need in the home of your dreams. Dean Larkin Design was established in Los Angeles in 1999 and this modern architecture firm maximizes the intrinsic potential of a location, including its available natural light sources. Dean Larkin is very familiar with both historical and contemporary design in the entire Los Angeles area, and the firm endeavors to achieve a complexity that is multi-layered with an effortless elegance. For a design that is modern and innovative, unlocks your location’s innate potential by making specific use of light, views and more, and uniquely designed for the way you live, contact Dean Larkin for a consultation.

Blog is originally published at: https://deanlarkindesign.com/dean-larkin-design-top-design-innovations-at-kbis-2024/

It is republished with the permission from the author.

[shining-scion]

I wrote a thing and it isn't super great but

Alia’s not fond of people telling her what to do. Like… at all. Sure, it’s kind of her job, it’s kind of the thing that stupid spell specifically found her for— a role cosmically perfect for her, so that summoning said.

…It’s like this— She puts up with it. She does it with a smile and the burning electrical snark of a diviner, and all those weird creatures smile and thank her. She gets a little bit stronger, they get their problem fixed, and everyone’s happy. 

Meaning she’s not some altruistic savior— well, she is, but her day to day activities are transactions. Sure, if you boiled it all down, she’s doing it because she doesn’t want an entire galaxy to blow up. 

That is a bare minimum. She has the power to stop it, so why wouldn't she?

Alia huffs out a breath, and stares down at the city below her. Billboards and all sorts of screens look back at her, advertising the latest movies, products, whatever. She actually doesn’t care, not as much as she cares about running her too-strong nails against the metal skeleton of whatever construction project she’s sat atop of. She wonders if she can actually make a mark on them, if she’s that strong. …It distracts her from the fact that it’s currently 2023, almost 2024, and she answered that call in 2008. For everyone else, she’s been gone for fifteen years, and for her…

She is most certainly not twenty nine years old. 

It doesn’t bother her. No one here even knows she’s alive. They don’t even know who they’re looking for. Alia almost laughs at the irony of it— almost, until she’s instantly silenced by a spike of magical energy behind her. Head snapping towards the source, she can’t help but secretly tense once she realizes the energy is from a portal. The wizard that steps out is dressed in light blues and whites, their timid face hidden behind a hood on their robe.

A Ravenwood student who hardly bothered to stand out, now working as a library assistant that didn’t try to stand out at all.

“What are you doing here? It’s dangerous.” Alia says, voice piercing through the slight wind in the air. She knows this student— a former classmate, somewhat of an ally until the stakes got far too high.

“…Ambrose… sensed a tear. He sent me after you.”

Alia scoffs, waving a hand in a way far too dismissive.

“Gramps knows I visit home sometimes. What’s different this time?”

“It’s concerning. You’re doing it more frequently, he says.”

“Concern— ha! Ok, ok, have you considered that I have the free time?”

“I’m just relaying what he said to me, and what he said to tell you.”

“I think that’s maybe the problem.” Alia replied, standing up and inching away from the edge she was sitting at. “You don’t have any opinions about it? Not a single thought as to what I might be doing here?”

“I wouldn’t make assumptions like that. We don’t know each other that well.”

“We used to. You’re not worried about what happened to your classmate?”

“You seem to be doing fine.”

Of course she was doing fine. That wasn’t the point.

“A lot’s changed, though. I know shadow magic, for Crow’s sake! I accidentally helped make an entire world— and then I promptly made a severe infraction and invaded a bunch of war ships to stop a war before it began! Half of the nations hate my guts, and let’s be honest, I’m only getting stronger. You don’t have any thoughts on that? At all?” 

The Thaumaturge in front of her said nothing, reply replaced with the sounds of a sleeping cityscape and her completely still posture.

Finally, with an exhale that left ice crystals fluttering in the air for just a moment, the silence she’d constructed broke.

“You’re going to crash and burn someday.”

Alia’s gaze steeled, eyes narrowing ever so slightly. She knew the other probably had more to say, and she was right.

“You treat everywhere you go like a joke. Like all its problems are just a game to be won. Where’s your regard?”

“Are you accusing me of not caring?” She retorts after a beat.

“Did I say that?”

“Kind of! It’s not an unfair assumption.”

“…If that’s what you believe.”

“Look.”

A step forward— not hostile, not trying to be, anyway. For a second she considered moving one more step closer, but stopped herself before her leg could even twitch.

“It’s… easier, when you start considering things like a challenge. If you stop thinking about things so seriously, it’s easier not to freeze up and freak out. I know I can do these things, it’s literally written in some kind of cosmic prophecy that I can. If that destiny is assured, then all I have to do is keep myself in a place where I can keep moving.”

“Yet you make choices that—“

“Do you think they should have fought over Novus?! Did you want a galaxy wide war?”

“I’m not talking about Novus!”

“Then what are you talking about?! What’s your deal?”

Another pause. She was getting sick of those.

“Consider what that careless attitude could lead to. That’s all.”

The Thaumaturge turned, stepping back through the portal and vanishing with it— magical resonance fading back into absolutely nothing— no energy around her, no faint chords from the song of creation.

Just her.

Alia glanced back at the city behind her. It felt almost alien now. Once home, now twisted by time and experience into a warped facsimile of itself.

“What a waste…”

With a shrug and causal snap of her fingers, the skies clouded, and then began their downpour assault onto the city. Rain wasn’t in the forecast, but humans didn’t control the weather. No one would question it.

She should probably head back herself.

[captains-simp]

Hi bestieeee, congratulations on 1K!!! I have a request for you!! Mommy!Nat or Dark!Nat blackmailing R into sex or else R would be fired?? Thank you

I wonder who this request is from?🤔

2.8k words

Warnings: dub-con (bordering on non-con), coercion, blackmail, unhealthy power dynamic, oral sex (giving), praise, strap on sex and cum filled strap on

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You knew Natasha was coming before you saw her; before you even heard the chilling sound of her heels against the polished floors of the 46th level. You knew because you saw it in your coworkers eyes. You saw the way they cowered behind their desks and averted their eyes or made a swift exit from the area entirely. You knew because that was just how it worked at Romanoff Industries.

You were lucky enough to have your own office. Well, that should have made you lucky in avoiding Natasha's piercing gaze but it did not. Most of the time she stalked down the area outside your office she came straight to you and even if it wasn't her destination she would be sure to look in as she went by.

That was one of your less fortunate days, she was coming to see you and it wasn't to deliver a compliment about your hard work. Your boss let herself into your office without knocking and strolled over to your desk, her hips swaying in the mesmerising way they always did in those incredibly tight skirts.

"What happened to that report that was meant to be sent to me hours ago?" She demanded as she stood in front of your desk.

"Apparently someone picked up on some faults of the latest design so we can't do anything right now." You tried to explain but Natasha never did like excuses. "I don't know when it will be fixed." You continued.

"And you didn't think to tell me this?" Natasha glared.

"I thought someone would have told you." You were right, a lot of someone's had told the redhead, but apparently she needed to hear it from you too. "It's not my job to." You couldn't help but add. You knew Natasha hated when people pointed out things she didn't want to hear, more so when they did so confidently. You were one of the few who managed it, maybe that was why Natasha seemed to have it out for you. It was just a compulsion to you, to one up your boss. Even if it rarely succeeded.

You had always had mixed feelings about Natasha. Sometimes you thought when she went home at night she venturer into some cave that led to the pits of hell where she returned to her rightful throne. Other times that tough and stubborn show she put on was nothing short of admirable. There was no doubt it was what got her her success and therefore gave you a job. It was just hard to deal with when it was aimed at you individually, or what you could argue felt like personally.

"Don't give me that." She snapped. You were aware of all the eyes of your coworkers looking in on the pair of you and hanging on every word that was exchanged.

"You know full fucking well if something you're doing is going to be delayed you tell me." She was leaning both hands on your desk and leaning over to get closer to you. With such a short distance between you you had no choice but to stare back into her forest green eyes, like hell you were going to look away and back down.

"You can write that fucking report anyway. I want it on my desk today." Today? There was no way you could get that done in office hours, you would have to be working long past when you were meant to usually go home. "And when the design has been fixed you can write another one on it." She was testing you, willing you to say something you would regret. You weren't going to fall into her trap.

"Okay." You said, holding her gaze.

She didn't say anything else. Natasha stood there for another few seconds to watch you, waiting for something, anything. Then she stood back up straight and headed towards the door that she slammed closed behind her and marched back to her own luxury office.

That could have been an email.

*

It was approaching midnight when you finished the report. You were about to email it to Natasha when you remembered she wanted it in paper form so you begrudgingly sent it off to the printer.

It was a waste of paper you thought as you trudged over to the elevator that quickly arrived as there was no one else in the building. You figured Natasha just wanted to be that extra bit difficult. Well, you knew that was what she was trying to do.

You had worked with Natasha for longer than most, you knew her. Or rather, you knew the front she painted. You knew what annoyed her, what she wanted, what she thought of certain people and you could predict how she would conduct business down to the exact price tag of a product. But you didn't know her personally, sometimes you wondered if there was anyone who did.

You knocked on your bosses door and waited until she called for you to come in. You planned to simply walk in, put the paper on her desk and walk out to go home but once you were several steps past the door Natasha called for you to close it.

She didn't look up at you as you trudged across the ridiculously big office and put the papers down. It was only when you turned around that she spoke again.

"Stay." Was all said. You bite back a comment about not being a dog.

You turned back around and expected some speech and your attitude earlier but continued making notes on a design plan like you weren't even in the room. A few minutes of you fidgeting on your feet and looking around the office for anything interesting, Natasha picked up your report and leaned back in her chair to read it. She showed no signs that you had done a good or bad job with the report.

Finally, she put the paper down on her desk and went back to the plans. "Close the door behind you." Was all she said. You clenched your jaw and rolled your eyes once turned around to finally leave and go home.

"Don't roll your eyes at me, y/n."

*

Turns out it wasn't as simple as writing two reports. Design after design failed. First there was a slight issue with the batteries, then the shape, then it somehow became a liability. You mentioned all these faults in your reports, as you legally had to, but it became tedious very quickly. You always hated paperwork. It was meant to be such a small part of your job. You could only hope the sudden increase was temporary, especially as it wasn't exactly one of your strengths.

You continued to work over time and met Natasha late at night, always having to wait until she finished reading till you could leave. You thought you had to be doing at least a good job with them for your boss to never say anything, because she was always ready to point out small errors. That was until one particular night.

"These reports are getting worse." Natasha scolded. The comment made your blood boil. They were certainly not getting worse, maybe the designs were but you knew it was no fault of yours.

"The designs don't work." You fired back and crossed your arms. You had been worked tirelessly on those reports and they only stated the facts.

"Do you even care about your job, y/n?" Natasha asked seriously, angering you more.

"I've sacrificed more than I ever thought I could for a job for this company."

"You're on thin fucking ice, l/n. With the way things are going I'd be in a right mind to fire you." ...what the fuck?!

"What?" It came out as more of a whisper. After everything that you had done for the company and the years you had spent there, Natasha wouldn't really fire you, would she?

"Unless you're willing to make up for it all." She said seriously with something unmistakably dark in her tone.

"I don't more extra hours than anyone here." You said, not knowing what else she could mean.

"Not more than me, something takes quite the toll. I can hardly fit the time in to distress anymore. That's where you come in." Natasha explained as she stood up from her chair and sauntered around to the other side of the desk, the sound of her heels clicking echoing around the room.

There was a long moment of silence when Natasha left barely any space between you. You searched her eyes for any hint of what she was referring to but inevitably found nothing. Until she suddenly pushed you down onto your knees in front of her.

"Show me what other skills you have and maybe I'll consider letting you stay." She smirked down at you and ran the back of her hand across your cheek before cupping your jaw. "Entirely your call."

"Natasha this is crazy." You tried to reason but it was hard to ignore the faint throbbing you felt from being on your knees for her. "I could tell someone." For the first time ever, you heard her laugh. She threw her head back in a mocking laugh that soon turned into taunting chuckles.

"Y/n, who would believe you over me? You can be my guest and try but you'll never have another job in this city again, maybe further if I feel like it." She shrugged. You gulped and felt your breathing shake. Fuck.

Natasha, apparently impatient, hiked up her skirt and leant back against her desk to look at you expectantly. Your mouth suddenly went dry when you caught sight of her bare pussy, having not had any underwear on. You wondered if she often sat around like that. If she sauntered around the building and into your office where you could easily let your fingers wander up her skirt. Did she always leave them off for you?

"If you want to keep your job I suggest you get to work." She spoke. You tentatively moved forward and gripped onto her thighs for support, still looking up at her for any signs of a tell.

She was positively soaked. You could see her clenching in anticipation, the sight and musky smell entirely inviting. So you licked a long strip of the redhead's folds and moaned at the sweet taste of her. Sweetness was hardly what you expected given the tough and cold exterior of your boss, you hadn't expected it to be so instantly addictive either.

You pushed your tongue further inside the redhead who gave a breathy moan in response. At that, your mind was made. You sucked harshly on Natasha's clit and felt it pulse rapidly between your lips before returning your tongue to where she needed it most.

"Look at how much you're enjoying this." Natasha smirked as she looked down at the beyond contented glint in your eyes. "So good at pleasing you like mommy."

You worked your tongue tirelessly inside her, spurred on by the blissful sounds that fell from the redhead's mouth with every flick and curl of your muscle. You were lost in the incomparable taste of her and hoped it would be something that lingered on your tongue for a while. You were in awe of the way her mouth hung open in a silent scream as her eyes clenched shut every time your tongue brushed against some beautiful nerve ending. The sounds she made when you did so rivalled the faux sweetness of a siren's song. You knew the dangers of being lulled too far but you wanted to explore it entirely, convinced there was some hidden beauty that no one else could see.

"Fuck, so good." Your grip on Natasha's thigh tightened when her hold on the back of your neck did. She started to buck her hips against your mouth and her breathing patterns became more irregular. Your boss seemed lost in the pleasure she was experiencing from you as her eyes shut firmly and her movements became more erratic. But even then she held onto her power over you.

"I want you to swallow every last fucking drop." She ordered and gasped when your nose bumped against her clit. You picked up the pace of your tongue, making sure to swipe it against all the spots you had learnt made her shudder.

Her nails were practically digging into your neck when she reached her high. Her breath got caught in her throat before she gave the most animalistic moan you had ever heard. She furiously bucked her hips against your face as she rode out her high and relished in every wave of pleasure.

She recovered impressively quickly and was still raring to go, apparently having more plans for the night. She smiled down at you with a glint of the devil in her eye as she stood back and turned around to retrieve something from her desk, telling you to sit on her chair.

You were anticipating Natasha to return the favour, especially given how much she clearly enjoyed what you had to offer. Instead, she slipped a harness through your legs and pulled it up to your waist where she fastened it to sit securely. It was only when she moved away that you saw the size of the red toy, standing proudly and daringly. You wouldn't be surprised if your boss couldn't make it fit, yet again about to see that you really didn't know her. She was unpredictable and nothing short of it.

Natasha straddled your legs until her knees hit the backrest of her chair and her cunt was lined up with the toy. You went to hold her waist to guide her but your boss grabbed your wrists harshly and pinned them to the chair either side of you with a warning look.

She lowered herself onto the toy and groaned when the head of the toy alone started to stretch her. She kept her strong grip on your wrists as she looked more of the strap and you could only watch on in awe as the fake cock disappeared inside her.

Natasha moaned loudly and paused half way to adjust herself and breathe heavily before slamming herself down on the rest of the toy. "God." She grunted. "Mommy feels so full."

"Let me help you mommy." You tried but she shook her head.

"You don't get to touch right now." Was all she said before she lifted herself partly off the toy and slammed back down drawing another beautiful moan.

Your boss continued this for a while until she found herself in a rhythm that pleasured her deeply. You could see her juices smeering the toy everytime she withdrew and the sight alone made you groan, you already wanted to taste her again.

She rode you with vigor as her pace increased as did her grip on you. Profanities spilled from her mouth like a song that you wanted to join in with but you were too fixated on the sight infront of you. Natasha's bra clearly wasn't all that supportive because her breasts bounced with each thrust downwards and you wished more than anything that you could reach out and take her top and bra off to cup them, even tweak her nipples between your fingers to see her squeal.

"Gonna cum- fuck! Mommy's gonna cum on your cock and you're going to fill me up more." She said between moans and gasps. You didn't really understand what she meant by fill her up more but you weren't going to object, not when you wanted to see her cum again so badly.

She suddenly let your right hand go and grabbed on to the back of the harness. You were confused until you felt something click and Natasha was moaning louder than she had all night. "Your cum feels so good in me." She all but screamed before jerking her hips wildly and cumming around the toy.

She fell forwards slightly and grinded against the toy to ride out her high desperately. You gripped her hips with your free hand and moaned when you saw some of the cum leaking out of Natasha's pussy.

With a groan, you pulled your other hand out of the redhead's grasp and lifted her up and down onto her desk where she looked up at you with blissful eyes. "Don't go thinking you have any control." Natasha sneered but gasped when you withdrew the strap and snapped your hips forwards again.

"We'll see."

[cjsinkythoughts]

Suits, Dresses, and Heels

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 4000

Warnings: !FATWS SPOILERS!, Cursing, More Mentions of PTSD, Gun Violence, Slight Mentions of Drinking, Club Dancing (You’re all gonna hate me for that part, but I’m not sorry)

A/N: Here’s Part 4.2 - The Second Part to Episode 3 - as requested. This is a little more scene-by-scene, but there are some off-screen moments. I’ll be posting Part 4.3 (which will have the rest of the episode) later tonight.

There’s a bit more information on Reader, but not as much as the last chapter. Sharon comes in during this part, so you get to see her and Reader’s relationship.

Also, I have mixed feelings about Zemo at this point. Not in the story, the Reader’s not a fan as you learned previously, but for me personally, he’s surprised me a couple times by coming back and helping.

Anyways! Thank you so much for reading! This isn’t beta’d so excuse any mistakes! Check out my other parts before you read! Thank you again! Stay tuned, loves!

FATWS MASTERLIST

cjsinkythoughts MASTERLIST

!SPOILERS UNDER CUT!

The dress was far too tight for your liking, and showed way too much skin. Not that you didn’t like being a tease every once in a while, but for this mission, you’d rather have more cover and movement.

You had to admit though; Zemo had nice taste. The dress fit deliciously - which made you wonder how he got your size. The color and cut was devastatingly flattering. Plus, he let you do your own makeup.

Being the only female, you were in a separate area of the jet getting ready. Once you were done, you made sure to knock, even though you’d walked in on Sam changing too many times to count while on the run and had seen Bucky answer the door in nothing but a towel. It was mainly for Zemo’s sake, just a warning that you were walking in whether or not they were ready.

“Damn, girl! You clean up nice!”

You rolled your eyes at Sam, painted lips quirking up as you studied him, shooting him a wink. “You should try a mirror, Sammy.” You turned to Bucky to find him staring wide-eyed and slack-jawed at you. “What do you think, Buck?”

His mouth snapped shut and he cleared his throat, eyes exploring the dips and curves your body. “You…” He blinked once. Twice. His tongue darted out to wet his lips, his intense eyes making you heat up, before he shook his head. “You look good.” He rushed out, before spinning on his heel shoving past Sam who was snickering.

“Where’s Zemo?” You noticed he wasn’t in the main area of the plane when you walked in.

“Rearranging our ride once we get there.”

You huffed, fixing your hair. “Oh God. We’re really doing this.”

“Yup.”

“Okay.” You looked down at yourself before looking up at the boys. “Something’s gonna go wrong, isn’t it?”

“Absolutely.”

“No doubt.”

Giving a slight groan at their simultaneous answers, you nodded. “Let’s try not to screw up too badly, boys, alright? I at least want to live long enough to see Peter graduate.”

Sam rolled his eyes with a scoff. “That kid’s a punk.”

“You’re a punk.” You shot back.

Bucky raised his hand. “I second that punk thing.”

“For which one?”

“Both of them.”

You chuckled as Sam gaped at Bucky, who shrugged innocently. The former assassin tilted his head in your direction to shoot you a grin and a wink, making you laugh more. Shaking your head, you go to make a joke when Zemo walked in.

“It’s time. We’re landing now.”

And just like that, the teasing atmosphere dissipated, leaving you anxious and regretful.

*******************

You walked by Bucky, arm linked with his metal one, listening as Zemo told Sam about his “character” he was to play.

“He’s a known womanizer - always has a gorgeous lady on his arm.” Zemo gestured towards you. “It’s the only way they’d let in a woman.”

“Aren’t we going to see a woman?” You questioned, gently patting Bucky’s metallic bicep when his hold on you tightened.

“Which makes it more imperative that you don’t act threatening. Women don’t make the same mistake men do; they don’t underestimate other women.”

You nodded. He had a point there. Bucky faced you, a frown on those pretty lips. “I don’t like this.” He mumbled.

“You think I do?” You whispered back. “With you being him again? Even if it’s just pretend? And need I remind you whose idea this was?”

“I know, I know. Just…” He sighed. “Promise me you won’t get hurt on purpose.”

Your forehead creased. “Why would I-?”

“To protect people. You always do. And I get it, I do. It’s why you started this in the first place, but…save yourself first, this time, okay?”

“Buck-”

“Promise me.”

It wasn’t often you could see the fear in his eyes, hear it in his voice, but you could then. Unable to do anything else you nodded, a soft, “okay” falling from your lips. He nodded back, pressing a kiss to your head, before letting you go as a car approached.

Bucky helped you in - the heels you were wearing were no joke - before sliding in himself, Sam getting in on the other side of you. “And you two can’t be…” Zemo gestured to the two of you as the car started moving, eyeing your still connected hands. “Doing that.”

“This isn’t my first theater production.” You snapped at him. “We’ll be fine.”

He raised his hands in surrender, turning back to look out the windshield. Once you arrived, you gave Bucky’s hand one last squeeze, before accepting Sam’s hand to get out on his side, linking your arm with his like you were doing with Bucky earlier.

“I finally get to see one of your performances, baby.” Sam grinned at you.

You smirked back. “Best seats in the house, too, Smiling Tiger.” He groaned at your jest, nudging you playfully with his elbow as you giggled.

“This way.” Zemo cut in, jerking his head in the direction you’d be going. You took a breath, steeling yourself, before the three of you nodded at each other and followed his lead.

You found the fellas reactions amusing, their heads turning to study and scan everything they could see. You were more subtle in the way you analyzed your surroundings, feeling a bit more at home in this situation than, say, fighting super soldiers on top of semi trucks.

Your jaw tightened, as did your grip on Sam’s arm, when Zemo started speaking Russian, the four of you pushing through a crowded bar. Sam ran his fingers over your arms, giving your hand a little squeeze, silently reassuring you.

It was a bit obvious Sam hadn’t done much undercover work, put he stayed in character and you were impressed. Especially when the bartender started cutting up the snake, which you had to look away for because if there was one thing you couldn’t do…it was snakes. You nearly gagged when Sam reluctantly downed the drink. 

Bucky eyed you, lips pursed in a way you recognized as him trying to hold in a smile. That made you feel a little better, hiding your own smile by turning into the crook of Sam’s neck. “Not. Funny.” He growled through clenched teeth, lips not moving.

“Kinda is.”

He grumbled under his breath, before the two of you tuned into the conversation between Zemo and a thug that came up, learning about the apparent power broker of Madripoor, which you a bit of from your time undercover there.

Sam held you tightly when Zemo turned to Bucky, knowing what was about to happen.

You didn’t like it. You didn’t like how easily aggressive he became. You didn’t like the little smirk Zemo gave as Bucky attacked. You didn’t like the cellphones being pointed in his direction. You didn’t like it.

“Didn’t take much for him to fall back into form.” You gave Zemo a warning glare, a shaky breath leaving you.

He’d been doing so well. At least, for someone who had been through what he had. Especially considering it’d only been a few months since he’d been pardoned - half a year since everyone came back. You knew bringing Zemo on board had been a bad idea, but-

A squeeze to your hand pulled you out of your thoughts. You let out an inaudible sigh of relief as Zemo allowed Bucky to let the man he was choking go.

“Selby will see you now.”

One step down. You hoped that would be the hardest part, but you knew it most definitely wouldn’t be.

“You good?”

Bucky sniffed, giving you two a curt nod, before following Zemo. You bit your lip. “That wasn’t really an answer, was it?”

Sam shook his head. “No. No it wasn’t.”

Selby wasn’t exactly what you were expecting, but you’d come to expect that. You stayed on Sam’s arm, giving the guards coy smiles and playing with the fake nails you had on in faux-boredom.

When she purred at the man besides you, you and Bucky glanced at each other, with you resisting the urge to scrunch up your nose. “And who is this gorgeous creature?”

Your eyes snapped back to Selby, giving her a slightly bashful smile. “Celeste Addams. Pleasure.”

“Trust me, dear. The pleasure is all mine.” Alright, you thought as she scanned you with a smirk. She was swinging for both teams. You could work with that. “What’s the offer?” She looked back to Zemo.

Zemo gave her the offer - information about the super soldier serum for the Winter Soldier and the code words to control him. Your blood boiled as Zemo touched Bucky, fingers grabbing his chin. You swore, once this whole thing was over, you would kick Zemo’s ass. You should make a list, just to keep track of all the things he’d done, and no doubt would do, to piss you off. That way he’d know why exactly you were beating his ass.

A name came up, Dr. Wilfred Nagel, along with the knowledge that the super soldier serum was, in fact, in Madripoor. You and Sam met eyes. Second step down.

But before they could get anything else, Sam’s phone buzzed. You ducked your head, closing your eyes, mumbling “fuck” when you saw it was Sarah. Sam’s responses just made you inwardly cringe even more.

“The bank, yeah. We laundered so much mo-” He chuckled nervously. “Yeah. They’ll come around.”

Is he fucking serious? For the love of God, Sammy…

And then she called him Sam. Next thing you knew, Selby was shot and you, Bucky, and Sam were taking out a guard each, you growling at the fact that you couldn’t use your legs because the dress was too damn tight.

You had no choice but to trust Zemo’s lead, but word traveled very quickly here, and less than a minute after walking outside, you were getting shot at.

“C’mon!” Bucky grabbed your arm, pulling you besides him.

“Can you not right now?!”

“I can’t run in these heels!”

You glared at Sam, the killer six inchers on your feet feeling like hell. “Hell no! You did not just say that in front of me!”

“You started it!” You scowled at him, following Bucky into an alley, only to duck as shots rang out. Chest heaving, you looked around for the source of the bullets that killed the men chasing you.  Your “guardian angel” as Zemo put it.

She soon appeared in all her stunning, blonde badass glory. “Sharon?”

Sam quickly explained the situation, trying to get her not to shoot Zemo who she had a gun pointed at.

“I stole Steve’s shield, remember? I also took the wings for your ass,” she pointed the gun at Sam, then Bucky, “so that you could save his ass, from his ass.” And the gun was back on Zemo. She shot you a smile. “And your ass is looking beautiful as always.”

You grinned back. “Thanks. You’re not looking too bad yourself.”

As she spoke, your lips turned down. You had tried calling her after Germany, but it always went to voicemail. First thing you did when you got back was try to get everyone pardoned, but it was a process. And then you found out about Wanda and ever since…

Sharon was your first real friend. She was only a couple years younger than you and had been one of your first partners during your time with SHIELD. And the fact that she’d been on the run for years now, even with the Blip, her family not having seen or talked to her since…that was exactly why you couldn’t take a break. She was family and you found there was nothing more important than family. But when she needed you, you were out searching for someone who didn’t want to be found.

How were you supposed to choose between two sisters? How could you cope with the fact that you chose the wrong one?

“Sharon, we need your help.” She laughed at Bucky’s statement. “Please,”

She glanced at you and you nodded. “I’d appreciate it, Share.”

She gave a sigh before nodding. “This isn’t over. I have a place in High Town. You should be safe there for a while.”

She turned and started walking, and you were about to follow, when you remembered something.

Spinning around, your fist connected with Zemo’s cheek, Sam and Bucky shouting in surprise while the man stumbled back. “Don’t you fucking dare touch him like that ever again, or I will break every bone in your body.” You threatened, your expression twisting into a scowl as you grab his hand and bend it awkwardly. He grunted but didn’t move, knowing one wrong turn would break his wrist. “Do I make myself clear?”

“Crystal.” He ground out.

You pushed a little more, making him wince, before letting go and rounding back to Sharon, who was smirking at you. “Let’s get moving.”

“Yes, ma’am.” She jerked her head back over her shoulder to where a car was waiting, leading them over.

You quickly followed after her with Bucky on your heels and Sam dragging Zemo along. Speaking of heels, as soon as you got in the car - getting shotgun for the first time ever at Sharon’s insistence - you prodded the stupid shoes off your feet.

“Nice kicks.”

“Yeah.” You scoffed. “Unless you’re trying to kick.”

“Did you rip the dress?”

“I was tempted to.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll get you in something more comfortable. And you’ll look just as good. Not that you wouldn’t look good in literally anything.”

You chuckled, giving her a look. “Let’s not test that theory.”

She smiled back, nodding. “Fine. I’ll let you pick something out.”

Sam huffed, crossing his arms best he could, being squished with the two other fully grown men in the back seat. “Women.”

The two of you exchanged looks, rolling your eyes at the three pouting guys. “Men.”

*****************

“I’m gonna go check on the boys. But I’ll be right back.”

You nodded, looking through her closet. No dresses. And absolutely no heels. Flats, if you had to, but you’d definitely prefer sneakers right now. You decided on shorts and an off-the-shoulder blouse, grateful for the looser clothing.

“They’re idiots.”

You laughed and looked over at the door as Sharon entered. “Yeah. I know.”

“Cute.” She commented on your outfit, sitting on her bed. “They explained the situation. Sam said if I help, he’d clear my name-”

“Sharon.” You sighed, biting your lip. “I tried. I really did. I-”

She shook her head, smiling at you reassuringly. “No, I know. It’s why I’m not mad at you. Sorry I didn’t call back. How’ve you been?”

You shrugged. “Fine, I guess.”

“Even with the whole ‘Cap is back’ thing.”

“Walker’s the government’s pet. He’s not Captain America. He’s not…”

“Steve?”

Looking up at her from the ground, you nodded. “Yeah.”

“Do you miss him?”

You smirked, wagging your eyebrows at her. “Do you?”

She rolled her eyes, tossing a pillow at you. “It’s kinda weird now, isn’t it?”

“Maybe a little. But I can’t blame you. Have you seen him shirtless? Good God.”

Sharon laughed, shaking her head as you joined her on the bed. “How come it’s always you getting wrapped up in these things?”

“I have no clue.” You chuckled, crossing your legs underneath you. “First I’m answering a phone call from Bucky at five in the morning and next thing I know, I’m being kicked off of semi trucks, breaking criminals out of prisons and running in six inch heels.”

“You answer Bucky’s calls at five in the morning?”

You gave her a look. “Sharon-”

“No, no. Hey. That’s cool. Some girls like bad boys, some like jocks, others like nerds. You like super soldiers from the 40’s. Everyone’s got a thing.”

A playful shove turned into a pillow fight, which turned into a sparring session, during which you pin her on her back. “You’re getting better.” You complimented, getting up.

She glared at you, taking your outstretched hand and letting you pull her up. “I guess that’s why you’re an Avenger.”

“That’s still weird to say.”

“Why? You’ve been an Avenger since, what? Ultron?”

You nodded, straightening your clothes. “Officially, anyways.”

“Right. Because you were there for the Battle of Manhattan as the secret seventh superhero.”

“Yeah…I miss it. The anonymity. I’m pretty sure I’m one half the Senators’ speed dials.”

Sharon frowned, brows pinching together. “What about the other half of the OG? Where are they?”

“Thor’s in space, Bruce is MIA - which I can’t really blame him for - and Clint’s retired with his family.”

“You think he’s gonna stay retired?”

You shrugged. “I hope he does. He’s been trying to retire for years. He deserves it. Knowing him, though…probably not.”

Sharon crossed her arms, nodding at you. “So that leaves you.”

“Yes it does.”

“Do you ever think of taking a break?”

You gave a half-sigh, half-groan, making her smirk in amusement. “It’s…come up a lot recently. I dunno. I think I’m burning out, anyways.”

“What makes you say that? I was watching you guys with Selby. You’re still one of the best I’ve ever seen.”

“I-I’ve been having…problems.”

Her eyes narrowed, her hands setting on her hips like a mother about to scold her child. “What kind of problems?”

“Just flashbacks. Of different things. It happens at random times. Certain triggers; something someone says or does, or something I smell or hear.”

“PTSD?”

“Something like that.”

“Has it affected you in the field?” Hesitating to answer was answer enough and she nodded. “Then…maybe it’s time you do start considering retiring.”

You snorted, shaking your head. “At 36? There’s no way.”

“C’mon. It’s not too late for you to settle down. Go one a few dates. Meet someone. Maybe have a couple kids-”

“Woah, woah. Slow your roll.” Your features scrunched up in incredulity. “Pump your breaks. No one said anything about marriage or kids.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m just saying…think about it. I heard even Bucky’s been on a few dates.”

It was your turn to narrow your eyes at her, hearing the suggestive tone in her voice and seeing the eyebrow raise. “Yeah. He has. A few. I told him to. Told him it might be good for him to, I dunno, get back out there.

“Or, you could just…go out there with him.”

“Not you too! Have you been talking to Sam?”

“Is it Steve? Is that what’s stopping you? Because you know he’d just want you to be hap-” She stopped as he phone vibrated, grabbing it and reading the text. “Company’s arriving.” She pointed a finger at you. “You got very very lucky. This conversation isn’t over. I’m not dropping this.”

You bit your cheek and nodded. “Alright, mom. Can we go party now?”

She breathed out a laugh and nodded. “Yeah. Let’s go party.”

**********************

“Hey, gorgeous! There you are!”

You smirked at the boys as they met you near the top of the stairs, eyeing Sam and Bucky appreciatively. Damn, could Sam pull off a turtleneck. And Bucky in black and skinny jeans? Sharon sure had good taste. “Today’s the day for attractive outfits, huh, gentlemen?”

“I’ll say.” Bucky hummed, glancing at your own outfit. “You look beautiful, doll.”

“You look very dashing yourself, Barnes.” You grin, pulling at the lapels of his black blazer and fixing the collar. You smoothed your hand down the front of his shirt, looking up at him with an eyebrow raised when he caught your wrist, keeping your palm over his heart.

He clenched his jaw, taking a breath, before letting it out, almost dejectedly, and letting your hand go. “Um,” He cleared his throat, hand falling down by his side. “Did, uh, did Sharon say anything more about these friends of hers to you?”

“Nope.” You shook your head. “Just told me to enjoy the party.”

“I guess we should go enjoy the party, then.” Sam nodded towards the stairs, where the music was floating up, her guests already pouring in.

You made your way downstairs, looking around the room. Sharon sure did know how to throw one, that’s for sure.

People were pushed together, dancing to the beat of the music, drinking, with colored lights flashing every which way. Bucky’s hand found yours almost instantly, and you smiled at him. “C’mon.”

“What?” His eyes were wide as you dragged him towards the groups of people dancing. 

“Dance with me.”

He shook his head violently. “I-I can’t.”

“I thought you used to be a dancer?”

“Used to. And I was a swing-dancer. Not…” He gestured around to the people bobbing up and down, moving their bodies with each other.

You waved dismissively, pulling him closer. “All you need to do is feel the beat. I’m sure you can do that, can’t you, Mr. Tough and Scary Assassin?”

He licked his lips, looking around nervously. You brought his hands to your hips, making his eyes snap back to yours, your own arms winding around his neck. You started moving rhythmically, nodding your head to the music, smiling up at him and giggling at the adorable concentration on his face.

“You, uh, you go to parties like this a lot?”

“I specialized in undercover operations, remember? I practically lived at these places for some of them.” He licked his lips, his grasp on your hips tightening. “Loosen up a little.” You laughed, catching his jaw between your fingers and making him look at you instead of the crowd surrounding him. You scratched at the scruff, speaking softly, but loud enough for him to hear. “It’s just me.”

He nodded and, slowly, a bit hesitant, started moving his body with yours, relaxing his tense muscles the longer you two danced.

“Nice hit, by the way. With Zemo earlier.”

You shrugged, turning in his arms, biting your lip when he pulled you closer, your back to his chest. “I didn’t like the way he grabbed you. It was unnecessary. I was thinking of making a list, actually.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.” Your arms wound around his neck again, your head falling back to his shoulder. “Of things he’s done so far that warrant’s me beating his ass once this is done.”

He chuckled, warm breath tickling your cheek, thumbs tracing circles on the bare skin just above the waistline of your shorts. Your own fingers had found home in his hair holding his head where it was, his lips centimeters away from your ear. “Share it with Sam. I’m sure he has a few things to add.”

Your breath hitched as his metal fingers danced along your bare navel, arm tightening around your waist. “I’m sure he does…I thought you said you can’t dance.”

“I guess I just needed to warm up. I’m a bit rusty after eighty years.”

“Don’t seem that rusty to me.” You breathed out, turning your head to look at him. His tongue ran across his lips again, his eyes glancing to your own.

“Hey, guys!” The world and your situation came crashing down on you, the music you didn’t realize you’d been tuning out, along with the crowd’s boisterous laughter and cheers, rushed back to yours ears. The little bubble with just you and Bucky shattered. You both stepped away from each other; you cleared your throat and pushed down the heat that had nothing to do with the hundred bodies in the one room, while Bucky rubbed the back of his neck, the tips of his ears red with no help from the colored lights. Both of you were panting lightly, avoiding eye contact with the other three staring knowingly at you. Sharon nodded her head, gesturing behind her. “I found him.”

Sam nudged Bucky - who was staring at you, his jaw ticking and his throat tightening as he swallowed thickly - before jabbing his thumb in Sharon’s direction. “Here we go.”

You nodded, eyeing Bucky with a small smile. “Here we go, Buckaroo.”

[ryuuaka713]

Bungou Stray Dogs Dead Apple: “You used corruption, believing in me? How Beautiful.” A “DISSECTION” OF THE SCENE

I mentioned before in one of the posts by @nataliaphantomhivesblog​, where we were discussing about the corruption scenes in BSD, that the scene in Dead Apple is my favorite. So, I decided (like any SKK trash) to make an “analysis” of that scene, just to make a point why I like it the most compared to the other corruption scenes (as if this post is the definition of being productive like I’ll just wasting my time rambling here LOL)

I divided this post into two parts. Part 1 is the more difficult one where I am attempting to write some “character analysis”. While Part 2 is more about how the scene is composed (it’s pretty boring. I’m sorry)

I will NOT include the infamous Lap scene (I know. I know. We all love that moment. But I would rather focus on the scenes before that).

Side note: I do not specialize in film or literary critique, so really this whole post is just for fun. Thus, why I put quotes on the analysis. Take this is as my personal opinion where I’m attempting to make sense by making it sound “fancy”.

But anyway. Here it goes:

In every Corruption scene, the thematic notion is always Trust—as in Chuuya trusts Dazai well enough to use his ability so long as he is present to nullify it. It is a very life-threatening process, especially for Chuuya since Corruption, despite being one of the most powerful abilities, can cause self-destruction the longer he uses it. So, Dazai should keep a close watch on him at all times, and then even giving him a sense of comfort to compensate to Chuuya’s worn-out body and for his efforts. This is the same trajectory in all 5 episodes of Corruption, but out of all of them, what stood out the most (for me) is the scene from Dead Apple. 

This scene has amazed me ever since I first watched the movie. And while it just shows their infinite trust, the whole execution of this scene evokes more than just that thematic concept. What I see in this scene is something that all of us have already witnessed, but there is something unique in the way Dazai nullifies Chuuya’s corruption, and their dialogue may be just them bantering and yet, their tonality is different. It is as if, we just touched a moment that is reserved only for these two and we just happened to have the privilege to witness it. In other words, there is a sort of familiarity (or intimacy) and gentleness going on at this very moment—it is cathartic. This is what I want to look into—like how did we come to this?

PART 1: His Proper Partner.

In the Japanese version, ever since the episode where Chuuya made his first debut, they call themselves “aibou” (相棒), referring to a one-on-one partnership. While “nakama” (仲間)can also refer to a partner, it has a different connotation in which the closest English equivalent of that term would be “comrade” or “acquaintance”. The closest English equivalent of “aibou” is, to no one’s surprise, “partner” (or “pal”). And it makes sense, considering that the first kanji (相) can mean “mutual”, “together”, or “each other”. So, to have Dazai and Chuuya referring to themselves as that, it just manifests their familiarity on each other.

And in their case, their “familiarity” is both their advantage and disadvantage. It is a “disadvantage” because they use it to get on each other’s nerves (both in comedic and serious situations).

However, it also serves to their advantage, especially when they have to cooperate in the battlefield. This comes into light in the Lovecraft Episode where they executed Operation Shame and Toad—Chuuya acknowledges Dazai’s tactical mentality, whereas Dazai (as he referenced Chuuya’s mastery in martial arts) let’s his partner do the grunt work. Interesting enough, this is the same episode we first see Chuuya’s Corruption (but not the first time he uses it).

Using Corruption stipulates that “familiarity”, especially in Dazai’s part who has to be present to monitor Chuuya’s physical state, therefore he is aware, not just the consequence in using Corruption, but also of Chuuya’s limit. This explains why Dazai declares that he is aware of Chuuya’s moves and “breathing pattern”, otherwise, as what he himself says, he “won’t be a proper partner”.

What is witnessed in the Lovecraft Episode is the standard protocol that Soukoku uses when they are at their last resort. So, it is not a surprise that we get to witness Chuuya using Corruption, again, when he saves Dazai in Dead Apple, except it is done differently.

Even though Dazai is ten steps ahead of the enemy, the situation is still risky and even more complicated in Chuuya’s part since he is using his ability WITHOUT Dazai present. And that he has to save Dazai first before he can get it nullified. With that being said, it requires a careful approach, one in which they know the other’s moves—Dazai knows too well how Chuuya would react. For instance, the manga version of Dead Apple demonstrates how Soukoku communicates in their operation using “codes”. As such when Dazai got himself kidnapped, no one knew about his whereabouts until Hirotsu mentions about Dazai buying a microscope (to which it leads them to a dead end). However, Chuuya—upon remembering that Dazai teases that he needs a microscope in order to see him—demands to see that microscope, breaks it, and finds the transmitter. It is a well-planned strategy in Dazai’s part where all it takes is to leave helpful clues for Chuuya to pick up and catalyze the operation. In the Dead Apple movie, he does it again:

Indeed, for the audience, it is not new to see Dazai planning ahead and having ulterior motives behind his actions. It is not new to see Chuuya executing his plans and understands his motives either. But seeing these two working together despite those four years of absence, and without physically communicating is beyond human comprehension. Almost like the microscope scene, Dazai is not there to directly tell him about his plan. Chuuya doesn’t know about the antidote until that punch as his only “clue” is that Dazai is working alone, so he sees that something is amiss.

Seeing the critical state of Yokohama, Chuuya knows that he will use Corruption, but seeing Dazai’s corpse, it gives this uncertainty on whether they can make it out alive or not. And yet, what did Chuuya do? He jumped off the plane and activates his ability, knowing that there is “no time to chicken out” or else Dazai’s plan won’t work, and they’ll end up dead. Even if it means doing the job to protect the city, it still takes guts for Chuuya to work and place his life on someone he “hates”. Despite those 4 years of absence, the scene in Dead Apple just manifests that they never doubt each other’s capabilities. And to further validate this, let’s check out their dialogue:

           Dazai: You used Corruption, believing in me? How beautiful.

           Chuuya: Yeah I did. I believe in your disgusting vitality and craftiness.

           Dazai: That was a somewhat violent way to wake up Snow White.

           Chuuya: Tch. You’re the one who hid an antidote your mouth knowing I would punch you.          

Not only does this scene perfectly parallels to the Lovecraft episode where we see Soukoku bantering while still in a critical situation, it also emphasizes the degree of their trust and how that trust has taken root from their familiarity.

Dazai: You used Corruption, believing in me? How beautiful.

Chuuya: Yeah I did. I believe in your disgusting vitality and craftiness.

Dazai’s first line is the main idea of their partnership, echoing Chuuya’s quote from the Lovecraft episode: “I used Corruption because I trust you”. This is a vital aspect in their relationship since it has been stated before in Fifteen and Stormbringer that “no one has trusted Dazai”… until Chuuya comes into the picture. Ever since their first teamwork against Rimbaud, Dazai finally has someone he can rely on both in strength and assurance, even smiling at the fact that Chuuya doesn’t even deny his proposal but merely asks for his reason.

With that being said, then it is appropriate for Dazai to say that line, touched by the idea that Chuuya still constantly trusts him. It just reminisced so much from what they have as children that it seems to this day, they never forgotten about it.

On the other hand, in Chuuya’s end, he confirms that trust and provides a reason, which is appropriate since Chuuya is Dazai’s “reason-living” like in Fifteen:

Chuuya’s line—“I believe in your disgusting vitality and craftiness”—is very similar in the excerpt from Fifteen, and this just shows how that line from the movie indicates his familiarity to Dazai. By “familiarity”, I mean that he knows his partner’s mental process and motives (as I have mentioned above). In this case, it seems like Chuuya has seen something that he and Dazai have in common: the desire to live. Of course, the latter always craves for death, but with his new viewpoint on Death, his mission in fulfilling Oda’s wish, and the fact that he is tethered to someone who wished to live, Dazai just couldn’t die. And Chuuya, being his constant companion, knows this. This is why Chuuya “believes” that whatever plan Dazai has on mind, it will always work, and in the scenario in Dead Apple it starts by taking a leap into Corruption—which is ironically, the very thing that could kill Chuuya, and by extent, would cause Dazai’s death if the plan is not well-thought or if they don’t work together. By referring to his “vitality and craftiness”, Chuuya is acknowledging his familiarity on Dazai, admitting their “rotten relationship”, and justifying his trust on him.

Dazai: That was a somewhat violent way to wake up Snow White.

Chuuya: Tch. You’re the one who hid an antidote your mouth knowing I would punch you.

Another interesting thing I find in the dialogue is Dazai’s line: “That was a somewhat violent way to wake up Snow White”. Fans think that this is Dazai flirting, where he is implying that he wants to be kissed by Chuuya the same way the prince does to Snow White. For me, I think this little dialogue is more than just fanservice since it makes sense, not only in the context of the movie containing motifs of a “poisoned” apple. I think the reference of the fairytale in this dialogue not only foreshadows his “death”, but it also highlights their dynamic whenever they work together with Dazai acting childish and Chuuya knowing that he is actually being serious (or the fact that he cracks some jokes in most Post-Corruption scenes). This is still related to the whole “familiarity” theme that I have been rambling about; as mentioned before, Dazai and Chuuya would use whatever they know about each other just to rile each other up. These moments are generally meant for comedic effect, but these teasing and bickering can serve as their advantage.

Similar to the microscope scene I have mentioned, Dazai makes that microscope comment seem like a childish joke on the surface, however, Chuuya picks this up as a clue and sees his real motive. This kind of synergy is seen again in the prologue of the movie where Dazai jokes about Chuuya getting hit by bullets when he is in close range of the enemy, and yet, the latter takes it as a warning that an ability-user is nearby. We really don’t know if Dazai leaves a Snow White-related clue for Chuuya before the events in Dead Apple (it would have been pretty cool tho), but that dynamic in the microscope incident and prologue is very similar to that dialogue we see in the movie: Dazai is being playful, but Chuuya sees and calls out his ulterior motives. This is how Soukoku works!

PART 2: The Art of Catharsis

The relationship of Soukoku in the battlefield is one of the best teamwork we have seen in the anime. Both parties are synchronized in the way that Dazai’s brains and No Longer Human, and Chuuya’s fighting skills and Corruption perfectly compliment each other. Moreover, we also see the basis of that partnership, and this is something that the creators want to highlight in this scene (in other words, how did the animators deliver this dynamic?)

In my opinion, I think the words “gentleness” and “cathartic” fit in this scene. To start off, before this moment takes place, we have witnessed Chuuya fighting the Dragon.

That scene was intense! Chuuya activates Corruption, generates into pure destruction with him yelling Dazai’s name (despite the fact that he is not supposed to be in a proper mindset). The way this scene plays out is interesting; in the shot, we see the two main figures (the Dragon and Chuuya) mostly in red—which is a very vibrant color—in contrast to the blue and green background. By using the color that pops out, the attention is on them, and it is topped with the amount of action in that moment. Not to mention, the background music, containing a rock music and a rap, elevates that energy. It is a scene that heightens the adrenaline, so the audience can empathize with Chuuya—understanding him as a character that is full of life, and also his hastiness to kill it before he runs out of time.

When that fight is over, we notice that the music alters into a string orchestra. This is a very good change because the tempo is slower—a direct contrast to the rap music—as if it is slowly bringing the audience down from the hype in the fighting scene the same way Chuuya slowly goes down and hovers Dazai’s body. The music immediately stops right on cue when the punch happens, then the audience is left in silence. Usually in films, silence is used for the purpose of anticipation. In this case, the anticipation is placed on whether Chuuya’s punch and/or the pill worked and saved Dazai.

The transition from the white background into a blue background should indicate that Dazai is alive. And yet, the animators did this subtly rather than showing Dazai’s face (like in Season 1 episode 1), just so the audience is still in the state of anticipation (add that with the white noise in the background). Furthermore, there is a fairytale quality in that shot, like this is similar to when Sleeping Beauty (in this case “Snow White”) wakes up, that’s when the colors in the castle come back.

Getting close to that iconic shot, I love how the animators keep the “camera” in the same place (Chuuya’s face), that way we can further empathize with Chuuya by seeing a close shot of his state: he was at his limit! But as soon as the blood starts moving away from the screen, we can see a bandaged hand moving to his face. And then, finally!

Words cannot describe how much I appreciate the details of that scene, especially on Dazai’s gesture. He moves his hand slowly but quick enough to nullify him right on time. Not to mention, he does not just touch his cheek but rather cups it (look at the shape of his hand!). One can say that the gentleness in Dazai’s gesture is the exact opposite to Chuuya’s punch, and this sort of contrast further highlights the catharsis in this scene. In other words, after all of that intensity with the fight and seeing Chuuya’s bloody state, it is relieving to see that familiar hand touching him, indicating that Chuuya can rest. And seeing that we witnessed and empathize with him, we know what it feels like.

With that being said, that’s why the third shot above where the hand is fully placed on his cheek and he made a short gasp is my personal favorite. It is the contrast in Chuuya’s face where we can still see “Corruption”, and Dazai’s hand to which he activates “No Longer Human”. I have seen some people complaining about how they want to see Dazai’s face in this scene; personally, I think this scene is animated brilliantly as it is. It is only fair to see a close up of Dazai’s hand to indicate that he is nullifying “Corruption”, after all, “No Longer Human” is works through touch. To top it off, the beauty in “not seeing the face” is more powerful because it leaves more to the imagination—we don’t know specifically what kind of face Dazai is making, but the way that hand moves alone is enough to tell us what he is thinking at that moment. And finally, upon contact, we see Chuuya making a slight twitch—this is when Corruption recognizes No Longer Human and deactivates. This is when Chuuya recognizes that familiar touch and knows that his partner is finally awake, so he can finally rest.

Then we have that iconic shot! Like the one I mentioned above, the camera stays in one place, only this time, it is a long shot, so the focus is on them (thus they are on the middle). Interesting enough, there is no background music in this scene, and we can’t see their expressions. Usually, in this anime, when a character is seen faceless, in order to determine what they are thinking are feeling, the animators would usually make them do a gesture or a dialogue.

In this scene, where everything is silent and their faces “unseen”, our focus goes to their exchanges. Both Mamoru and Taniyama use their “bedroom voices”, and I think it is appropriate considering that their dialogue contains a deeper meaning in regards of their relationship. In other words, as mentioned before, it may seem like another day of bantering, but with their tone, there is something sincere and intimate in what they are saying. Also, the playfulness in Dazai’s comment and Chuuya’s response hits different compared to their other moments of constant yelling. You really don’t need the close up of their faces in order to see that they are at peace in each other’s company.

In addition, the color scheme of the scene is predominantly blue, which makes sense, not just because of Dazai’s ability, but also because it highlights the serenity in the scene. The blue color, the orb, and the bandages that glide silently are animated in a way that they buffer out the red that we have seen back with Corruption, and also indicates a sense of “protection” (which is later seen in the lap scene when Dazai has to protect Chuuya from the fog). In short, the ambiance perfectly fits with how Dazai is there to give Chuuya a sense of comfort in Post-Corruption, letting him rest so that he can compensate for all that he did.

**********

The scene in Dead Apple is something that lies in between of the familiar and the new—we have seen Dazai and Chuuya in this situation before, we know how they function as a team, and we know the level of risk they are taking. But this is something that we have never seen before; like subtleness in his gestures, the softness in their tones, and the fact that these two are in a position where they are saving each other, which becomes part of their instincts. They show how much they trust each other by knowing how much they knew of each other. They acknowledge the fact that their fates are tethered regardless of the years of absence. And finally, it is not just the Prince saving Snow White, but rather: the Prince saves Snow White and Snow White saving him in return.

OK, I just literally fried my brain. If you’ve read this far, I thank you so much for your time! I am so sorry if this is too long. I welcome for any critiques or discussions. So yeah, that’s my ted-talk

[popculturebuffet]

Watchemen Retrospective Finale: Zack Snyder's Watchmen (Comission for WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy capes.. and welcome to my final review of 2022 and my grand finale to my look at Watchmen. I've looked at all 12 issues with a brief April Fools detour to look at the unmade Sam Hamm version, but there's still one last piece of Watchmen media I want to look at as the Clock strikes 12. Yes folks we're talking about the divisive, loyal as it could possibly be, greatly soundtracked, 2009 film Watchmen.

Filming the Unfimable

As the fact I had a full script to review should show, attempts had been made to adapt the Watchmen for decades. The Hamm script was pitched with Terry Gilliam of all people who considered the project unfilmable as a movie, and better as a mini series.

The biggest attempt was made with David Hayter, voice actor and writer, aka Metal Gear's Solid Snake, Zangetsu in Blodostained, and Captain America in Spider-Man TAS. He also was a writer on the first two x-men films, the scorpian king, and an executive producer on of all the things i've reviewed, A Christmas Horror Story> I knew NONE of this when looking him up and i'm incredibly impressed. This is one hell of a career the man's gotten. His draft really impressed executives, but attempts at paramount, rogue pictures and others stalled until eventually Warner Bros scooped up the rights.

Hayter's script had a few diffrences from the final product as Alex Tse, who'd go on to make wu tang an american story, would do some touch ups. His was set in modern day, at one point Nite Owl straight up killed Adrian, and at one point Adrian's plan ivnolved a MASSIVE SOLAR DEATH RAY

Yeah I mean I get why Christ Almighty it's the goddman watchmen gets mentioned more, it's objectively funny.. but the fact Adrian used a solar death beam at one point still should come up more. Don't get me wrong, the idea of using the power of the sun is awesome: Jonathan Hickman's run had Iron Man build a dyson sphere to potentially smash planets. But there's a difference between taking a real world floated concept and making it high concept sci fi.. and having your morally complex if ultimately evil despite his claims villain have a fucking death ray powered by the sun. The other ideas.. are also not my forte. The 80s setting and the 50s start to mystery men are integral to things, as the films eventually director agreed, and having Dan kill adrian just feels a step too far. What the film goes with is still cathartic and we'll get to it, but Adrian should live not to reap the benefits of his actions.. but to live with both the guilt of what he's done and any consequences should the truth come out.

As for who would direct this, with the recent success of 300… Warner Bros tapped Zack Snyder to direct. We'll get into Zack Snyder himself in a second, but to his credit, he was a huge fan of the graphic novel and most tweaks to Hayter's script were out of reverence to it, though he did keep that ending which again we'll get to.

The resulting film was.. divisive. Some critics loved it, some hated it and fans were split on everything from the performacnes to.. that ending. It's part of why I wanted to dive into it. See when the Younger Me saw it over a decade ago.. he dug it. He liked it a lot and thought it was a great adaptation. So I wanted to see if it held up: if it was still good a decade, a through yearlong re-read of the source material, and Zack Snyders lesser adaptations after it later. So let's answer that question shall we as I watch the Watchmen one final time.. at least for this year.

Watchmenmaker So yeah.. before we can even get into the film we have to unpack it's director. And I'm not one to take the side door, I'll come right up front and knock: Zack Snyder is a kind generous man who uses his massive fanbase to help charities, seems to really love his fans and his work, and who generally seems to be an upright guy. He's hard to hate on his own. That said while as a person I have nothing but respect for the guy, his other superhero works i've seen Man of Steel and Batman V Superman are not great films, especially the latter. If you like them great, your allowed to disagree with me but their just not the best superhero films and I for the life of me can't understand why some people are so ride or die on them.

Man of Steel is.. fine. It's a flawed film with a palette that can best be described as "Hope you like grey!", and easily the worst Jonathan Kent in the characters history, a selfish dumbass who has the sheer gall to berate his son for saving lives and who stupidly throws himself into a tornado for reasons that make entirely no sense and who clearly fucked his son up to the point he's traveling the world and the seven seas instead of living a normal life because SOMEBODY felt he never could. It's not a film I really fondly remember, but it's one I felt okay about coming out of the theater. It's alright. It's not the best take on superman, but I can see why some may like it.

Batman V Superman on the other hand.. is giant mess. I liked it a bit out of the theater, but the more i've thought abotu it the less it's become. Part of it isn't entirely his fault: it's clear DC wanted to FastTrack the justice league and shoved as many heroes in as they could. Wonder Woman, while a great part of the film, feels just kinda there, and while Ben Affleck gives it his best, his version of batman just doesn't work. It's clear Zack Snyder has the same reverence for the Dark Knight Returns as Watchmen.. but fails to get that that's not necessarily how to approach batman, nor that even THAT batman does not kill and will not.

His lex luthor is also just baffling, with it being hard for me to figure out just what he was going for. The idea of a younger luthor whose a tech bro was brilliant.. but the resulting writing has a luthor who sounds and acts like he did a literal, not figurative, mountain of cocaine before every scene, whose plans are needlessly convoluted , and who thanks to said cocaine thinks a jar of piss is a good statement. Seriously I did not realize he pissed in a jar the first time around, probably because Lex Luthor pissing in a jar and leaving that jar wired with explosives is not the kind of thing that usually makes it past first draft. There's a reason we never got Superman fighting a giant spider-man while Braniac wrestled a polar bear after all. Trying to jam Death of Superman in there without having properly built up to it doesn't remotely hep and the film that results is just an overly long, overly dour mess that is more concerned about tlaking about superman being a god for 40 minutes than actually telling a good story. It's overly long, overly self indulgent and ultimately just.. just bad. It's bad.

And look I don't begrudge Snyder himself for wanting his cut of Justice League. He only left the film due to the worst tragedy that could befall a parent, and had it cut to shit behind his back. What I begrude is the cultlike beahvior that's formed out of it. While there are likely fans of Zack Snyder's dc work who are nice, kind, and don't mind if someone has a difference of opinion and if your reading this, I value your existence, there has been a foaming, loud, asshollish horde of fans that has not shut the fuck up since getting said cut. Wanting more of something you love is fine. Right now as an Owl House Fan we're hoping desperately Disney gives us more of the series in some form and actually listens. Sometimes you have to scream to be heard.

The problem is instead of accepting the snyder cut as the cool what could've bene it is and being happy with what they got.. they gnash their teeth at ANYTHING they percive outside it. They've taken the screws to Shazam for not being as edgelord as the films they like, and lately have been just outright insufferable. They have gotten RABID since James Gunn was made one of the heads of DC and made the decision to get rid of Henry Cavill… a decision I udnerstand as the snyder verison of superman has a LOT of baggage and while Cavill did his best, I can understand James wanting to start fresh and using a new actor as a way to do that. It's an understandable decision from a guy who was given the hard task of coming in and steering a ship that has no direction in a company that's on fire thanks to David Zaslav's escalating selfish, terrible and downright baffling decisions. He did not come in guns a-blazin to gut everything: Gal Godot and The Rock are still on board, with his black adam announcment merely being that their going to hold off on using him again at first, rather than "your fired get out" as many are intepreting. And while I get it's weird to fire cavill after the stinger to black adam, it was included more because Dwayne Johnson wants to fight superman than being a coherent plan for a sequel, and I say that with all the love I can to the rock whose an awesome dude. I just don't care about seeing Black Adam fight superman. That's not who he has a connection to.

It's just been so draining. I get liking a film but I doubt Snyder wants .. any of this. He's fine. He's moved on from his superhero work. You are NEVER going to get what you wanted back> Let someone genuinely talented who will likely pull out some weird, wonderful cuts do what he wants and give him some room to do it. Zack Snyder is not a bad filmmaker but like superman. .he's not a fucking god. He doesn't want a fucking cult in his name. He just wants you to enjoy his films and support them. Just.. do that. Love his dceu work if you like but accept it's over, move on and for god's sake stop harassing people for it. I shouldn't' have to say this but it's gotten bad, and I felt it couldn't' be ignored. When Snyder fans are, no joke, going up to a tweet Gunn made trying to get support for charities and saying "DON'T CARE WANT CAVILL", I have to say.. SOMETHING, when I have the chance to speak to said fanbase. To those of you not doing this shit.. thank you. Thank you for being good people like Zack likely actually wants. Your awesome.

Now you may be asking yourself "Well how did I get here?"… or more likely "Okay nice speech and all Jake but what does this have to do with the film your actually reviewing" or

If your a tad deranged. My reason is that while I can see bit sof the DCEU in here, particularly Zack Snyder preferring to deconstruct superheroes than actually play it straight, Watchmen.. zigs a lot of places he'd later Zag. It's shockingly colorful while still being grounded, still having the gaudy outfits, but keeping them because he knows their important. The only change he made to them was to make them more like something you'd see in a superhero film of the past, to help evoke these costumes come from the past: Nite Owl and Ozymandis in particular have outfits that come out of a Burton Batman and Schumacher Batman film respectively. Laurie's is more shiny latex, and the Comedian thankfully keeps his domino mask during his full career and either wears your standard Sterling Archer spy turtleneck on missions or his costume rather than bringing out the gimp. I do think it clashes a LITTLE with the 60's and 70's these costumes are supposed to come from but I get that putting them in say, a 60's batman style outfit would be a bridge too far given the tone of the work, and that the original outfits, while neat, were also intentionally goofy in a way that just dosen't work on flim. It's why you only saw The Scarlet Witch, Vision and Quicksilvers full silver age costumes as halloween costume easter eggs in wandavision or Steve Roger's classic cap outfit as his uso outfit. These are iconic looks.. but they just don't work on screen. You can still hav ecolor and flair as the MCU has shown us, but you have to rework it to fit the present.

This way Snyder gets to both have pops of color.. while also having the costumes still get the slightly dated look in a way people who haven't read the comic will get. It's honestly a stroke of brillance and while his works aren't my forte and he slapped a palette of grey over them, his later works do have neat costumes.

His watchmen shows a respect for these characters and world his DCEU work dosen't quite have. He replicates panels, only didn't replicate the costumes beyond rorshachs for the reasons mentioned, and really tries to get as much of the story in as he can. Which brings us to

The Times they Are A Changing

The film is for the most part a fairly straight adaptation of the Graphic Novel. There's a big change to the ending I keep ominously hinting at and we're almost there just hold on, but there are changes either stylistically or just for compressions sake. It's why I tilt my head at reviews that said he was overly reverent to the graphic novel. I agree he could've used a touch more of his own take.. but Snyder still put his own spin on it and his own style. There's some bits of his trademark slowmo and some quick pans and he does brilliantly find ways to incorporate scenes into motion. The opening scene of the comic is a great example of this, as he somehow manage to pan up in the exact same way David Gibbons does while accounting for having to show EVERY frame going from the street to the Comedian's penthouse.

There are some goofy touches, for some reason he thought adding whipcrack sound effects to some fight scenes was neat, likely to parody it being used in 80's and 90's superhero films, which Watchmen takes some style cues from, but it jus tdosen't mesh when said scenes are played dead serious. This is a deconstruction, not a parody and there's a fine line between the two.

Out of his personal style touches my faviorite is easily his use of music. While there are only a handful of sequences, Snyder picked his soundtrack masterfully. It's nothing but the hits but often used in ways that help play off the scene beautifully or create just the right dissonance.

The first and best example of this is the Times They are a Changin scene. Even people who don't like the film admit this scene slaps and for good reason. It's easily one of the best openings in any superhero film ever if not THE best. In just a few minutes of montage, nicely set to one of the iconic songs of the 60's (not a huge Dylan fan myself but I can't deny this song rocks), it takes you through both ages of superheroes easily, gives you all the exposition the film couldn't thanks to Under the Hood being something they couldn't fit in easily (Maybe a tv movie or something but it would've come off obvious to me), and just looks gorgeous: it breaks down the triumphant rise and tragic fall of the minutemen, the hope of the new era of supermen and it's sad fall beautifully. The imagery just does not leave your brain and it's easily a beautiful little mini movie in it's own right. While the film is still good after this, it's easily the best part of it, kind of like how Up's intro is easily it's best part too for similar reasons but the rest is still fantastic.

That said, the next sequence with this.. is no slouch. The Vietnam flashback with ride of the valyrkyes, as Dr. Manhattan looms over the Vietcong and explodes anyone in his path, is masterful, taking an already great one panel image from the comic and IMPROVING on it. Seeing him in motion really sets in the dread of this giant, looming all powerful godlike figure coming towards you and you can do nothing to stop him and really helps set in the scope of manhattan. I also noticed when writing this section that Manhattan has a nice motif of classical music, to establish a timeless feel, using Phillip Glass' music to really set things in motion.

Dan's sequence is no slouch though, as it amazingly uses the funk classic "i'm your boogie man", and is part of why I love that song so much. It both nicely contrasts with the protest going on.. and nicely matches to Comedian horribly responding to it by violently beating up the protestors. Granted said protestors are pro police, which is especially odd given some are POC.. but I write this off as Snyder, like many of us white dumbasses, not fully grasping the history of police violence on people of color at the time. It's not great in hindsight but I can't say many knew much better and he still shows off that someone with undue power and no checks and balances, i.e. the Comedian, going into a crowd and wailing on them is as horrible as it should be seen.

Then we get a long break, just one sequence with Manhattan i'll talk a bit more about later, before we get the next one.. which stuck out in my mind for the wrong reasons and I was ready to give Zack Snyder all the shit for.. till I learned out why he did it. If you've seen the film you know and if not.. the film takes Dan and Laurie's sex scene.. and make sit into… an over the top, in tense and gratuitous as fuck sex scene.

It's just so ludicrious, so unecessary, so out of nowhere it's parody.. and that… was ex-zactly the point. Yeah turns out Zack Snyder did not ask for this scene, the crew did not ask for this scene and i'm pretty sure Dan Steven and Malin Akerman did not ask for this scene. No one wanted to do this except the executives, who demanded

So Zack pulled a Sean Micheals and decided to give it to them in the goofiest, dumbest, most over the top way possible. It's likely why EVERY movement dan makes seems to make laurie orgasm. Akerman was likely in on the joke, and I salute her for it. Like if your forced to do a gross fanservice sex scene, you might as well make it hilarious and honestly the sequence is: you've got Hallujeah blaring over it, Malin going 80 times over the top, dan stevens just .. rolling with it and the gloriously stupid finish when Laurie climaxes as she hits the flamethrower button. The Silk Spectre has a FLAMING orgasm that is seen by ongoers in the night sky. I.. I can't even add to that. I didn't know Zack Snyder could make a funny but here we are. Good on him.

The last music sequence is a classic and a pretty obvious drop… like while all the songs are pretty well known in a song called the watchmen that pulls heavily from the 70's and 60's to evoke a sense of nostalgia a lot of the characters clearly have… All Along The Watchtower was a perfect pick. It's how I first heard the song and it is fucking dynamite and setting it to Dan and Rorschach's descent into the artic.. fucking perfect.

We get two more songs in the credits. The first is an awesome cover of Desolation Row by My Chemical Romance. I loved them since hearing Danger Day and love Gerard Way's awesome comics work after MCR, so I do like the song.. but it's also a touch too modern to really fit with the film. It was clearly made because the studio wanted a soundtrack tie in.. but it's also very hard to hate because it's so awesome and the first issue's title directly references this song.

The other is We'll Take Manhattan, which I feel was likely Snyder's first choice and is a nice cheeky nod to the horrors that just happened.

Okay so now we've cued the music , let's talk about another change.. one i've been omniously hinting at all film and one where I can't help quoting a certain critic I admire's theme song

They Made Watchmen Without the Slimy Squid

Yeah out of all the changes, one bit of casting, and other various things… this is the single most divisive part of the film. See most of the plot and even the ending is the same: Nite Owl and Rorshach find out Adrian was behind it, confront him at his arctic fortress, and while him kicking their asses is mostly omitted, it's for a good reason we'll get to, and while they plan to not let him do it but..

And thus his plan goes off and while Dr. Manhattan also confronts him, ultimately our heroes are forced to back down for the sake of the world. The big diffrence is WHAT the plan was. See when the Hayter script was made .. it was intended for 2003, complete with a screen test. This was two years after 9/11 so showing what was likely minutes of bloody bodies lying in the streets of new york after an attack.. was something they really coudln't do. They coudln't drop NYC either as it's grimy 80's exterior is as much a character as our heroes. So he came up with something else that made it all the way here.

So instead of Dr. Manhattan having harnessed his power to change the world, he's just getting to it as the film is in progress and is working with Adrian, who goes from a psychic alien attack.. the much simpler plan of using his energy to simulate Dr. Manhattan attacking the world, still giving humanity a common enemy.

Now while I like the squid sequence.. I get why a change had to happen. Even in 2009 9/11 was still fresh in minds. It was likely hard enough getting just dr. manhattan exploding people through. And besides just being sensitive to a reall life tragedy by making things more fantastical… the Squid thing is convoluted as fuck. Like Adrian does lay it out… but it requires a psychic's brain, kidnapping scientists and artists, and genetically cloning it into a squid. It's a BRILLIANT scheme, as it was made to be as believable as possible, and I love it dearly.. but when your trying to streamline an already beefy narrative to fit three hours, it's a LOT to unpack and something not everyone might get and understandably so. I even missed the whole psychic part till adrian brought it up. It has that many moving pieces.

You also have to remember this was pre-guardians of the galaxy. Studios were very gunshy about weird shit and they'd already let the naked blue man hanging dong pass inspection. Zack and Hayter likely didn't want to push it too far. So changing it from the slimy squid while sad.. was necessary.

That said the replacement.. just dosen't work for me. I get using Dr. Manhattan.. but how he pulled it off just raises a LOT of questions and leaves a hell of a lot more holes that could be traced back to him than in the original verison. For one thing the project wasn't some secret project on a remote island and then the arctic but a HIGHLY public clean energy project. I'm not sure they knew manhattan was powering it, but a bunch of scinetests going mising from that suddenly.. isn't going to go away forever. I mean sure Adrian can probbaly bury it with his money, but iwth the journal, there's every chance someone might look into it. Now i'm sure Nixon and later Regan after him would likely gladly shoot anyone who questioned this for world peace.. but i'm also sure someone could leak it eventually.

In the comic.. part of why Adrian won besides assuring world peace.. is he covered his tracks emacuatley: Everyone went missing long before he killed them, he could always fake bodies if needed given his genetic engineering and the squid was so convincingly alien, no one would really THINK to investigate something else. I do get Dr. Manhattan is so throughly. .not human it's supposed to be the same principal, but i'm also not convinced someone wouldn't buy the continence of it.

Not only that is trips away the ambigiutiy of Adrian getting caught as if he does.. Jon could just show up, go ooga booga and confirm the plan. It wipes away any chance of him blowing this away. Unless Jon intentionally lets Vedit hang out to dry, which dosen't seem likely, he gets away completely. It just.. dosen't work for me. I get what they were trying to do but it just dosen't add up.

There's one other adjustment to the ending, but this one I like: LIke the comic everyone but Rorshach agrees to keep quiet but for one thing it's even clearer Dan and Laurie aren't on board with this. We also get a nice adjustment to Rorshach's death as Dan follows.. and sees it happen… crying for his death. Even if Rorshach wasn't a great perosn.. he was still his friend and didn't deserve to die like this. While I like dhis lonely death in the comics.. this still works.

The part I like the most though.. is Dan storming in afterword's and beating the shit out of Adrian. Adrian dosen't fight back and it's left ambiguous: Does he feel guilty or is he just patronizing him like a father whose child is having a tantrum. It's what Dan says though that I really love

"You haven't idealized mankind, but you've deformed it, mutilated it.. that's your legacy.. that's the real practical joke".

Just Dan, tears down his face, knowing he can't get the justice that's required.. but not being content to just.. let Adrian smugly step away. He's given humanity utopia but before marred it with it's cost and will forever carry that burden as he damn well should. It's not QUITE as satisfying as "nothing ever ends".. but it still works with Vedit left just as stunned wondering if he really won. Which nicely brings us to

Under the Hood:

While snyder brought the core of the story well enough to screen, his character work was a bit more.. mixed. Some actors soared, others fell, and some were just let down by the script

We'll start with the character both most prominently used in marketing and whose often see as the franchises mascot, Rorshach. Jackie Earle Haley's performance.. is stunning, it's absolutely perfect to screen, having a nice gruff batman-esque tone that still sounds coarser more tired, and perfectly growly. It fits his uncomoromising mindset, blunt nature and perfectly captures that Rorshach needs help more than he needs to be murdering people. Haley PERFECTLY captures the character, and while he spends most of the film under a mask, he emotes greatly. He also BEAUTIFULLY excutes one of the best scenes of a comic, Rorshach's death. His response is growly.. but when taking off the mask.. he looks utterly destroyed at first, nicely replicating the crying and the fact that despite being so resolute.. even rorshach is sad not only is he passing.. but that a horrible man has gotten away with everything and his scream of "Do it!" is just.. perfect.

Writing wise however.. it's a mixed bag. Hayley does a lot of the heavy lifting.. but a lot of Rorshach's character and backstory was cut. We see flecks of it in his psychological examination but the darkness of mere being itself.. is largely cut out of the film. Malcom Long gets nothing of an arc, a huge shame given he was the only POC character of note in the piece (something Snyder could've rectified and didn't), while the context for Rorshach's fall is mostly gone. The change to what he does to the villain works, having been switched from the saw like handcuffs for understandable reasons ot him savagely meat cleaving the guy, but the slow slide from a man with a tragic past being a vigilante to a man who badly needs a therapist but is so far gone he can't accept the help he needs. .is gone and it takes weight for the character. A lot of what makes Rorshach so neat is gone.

Also gone.. are his right wing leanings. While his opening monologue his kept his homophobia, sexism and general other unpleasantness. This is a double edge sword.. on one hand it makes him more likeable.. but on the other hand it robs the ending of some of it's punch as even if Rorschach sucks.. the fact he's throughly RIGHT hit hit harder coming from someone so often wrong and his right wing fanaticism makes it less obvious if his words will carry weight givfen his various prejudices. The character only still works so well.. because Haley does such a phenomenal job in the roll that the various sanded off edges don't come off as bad as they should. He's just so good and so perfectly cast it helps. It's still not the strongest version of Rorschach, but damn if it isn't memorable.

Less well translated is Dr. Manhattan, who I feel gets the shaft despite his sticking out. I mean at least he probablyg ot some nice resduals form his condoms

Yeah while I feel bad people often overly focus on the character hanging dong, as the whole poitn of that is that he is so far beyond human concerns he dosen't evne care he's hanging dong anymore, I can't knock dc for having a perfect tie in with that.

Look dick jokes aside Dr. Manhattan's representation is really spotty. Some moments are translated perfectly: the aforementioned ride of the valyrkye scene, his spotlight with Watchmaker which shockingly shows off his sense of time despite being portrayed in a fraction of it, and his ending return as a giant blue man.

But a good chunk of his scenes are muted. Part of this is on Billy Crudup. He tries his best.. but ultimately just HOW good he is at portraying a detached godlike being.. varies on the scene. Sometimes he sounds perfectly alien and emotionless.. and other times he sounds like he's just.. bored. The latter just dosen't really work.. I mean sure he's lived through all of this but part of the characters mistique is he's often very hard to read. He also stumbles on the time he is, still coming off emotionless during his ephinany about Laurie or , most damingly when shouting for everyone to leave. Crudup just coudln't figure out the righ totne to match the scnee sand the character dosen't come off well.

Writing wise he's mostly fine.. but the Mars bit is completely botched. Like out of all the stuff the film adapts it's easily the issue that is done the absolute worst. See in the comics it looks like this

Nice crystaline but still pink and otherworldly. Easy enough toa dapt for some reason…. Zack Snyder went with..t his

yeah not only does mars look crappier as while ti's more realistic it's also all brown and muted, taking away a lot of the planets haunting majesty from the comic, but the palace for some reason is entirely made of glass, and cgi.. and as a result it looks REALLY bad. LIke I get using CG, I do, and Manhattan himself is an amazing effect. They got him to screen beauituflly, hanging dong and all. But this is just.. I can't tell if it was just the tightly stretched budget or terrible design choices but it just looks ugly and the scene is so cut down in the theatrical cut it just drains the whole phislocpiacal argument between Manhattan and Laurie. It's just..awful and when you cut a characters best scene down to ribbons he's bound to not come off great. Manhattan looks great but just.. feels souless

So speaking of laurie, stop me if you've heard this one: They cut out most of her backstory. Yeah that's a problem with the film as a whole: I get having to streamline things but not finding some way to intergrate the backstories as well damaged most of the cast. With Laurie it's especially bad as the pressure form her mother, the strained relationship and her painful history are all either underplayed or in the latter case gone entirely. Most of what character she did have is gone.

There is a TINY bit of good as she no longer breaks out into hysterics over most thing, an unfortunate trait I noticed that I don't think Moore or Gibbons thought through for you know, one of only two major female characters in the piece, and the other.. is defined ENTIRELY by nearly being raped then having sex with her rapist so not too good on either account.

That said they replace it with

Malin Ackerman tries her best, but even she admitted that she regretted taking the role, citing it was out of her comfort zone and being the only none shakesphere experinced one in the group and the work's importance, got a bad case of imposter syndrome. I just feel bad for her and her feeling out of her depth shows in her performace. it feels stilted like she dosen't know what to do.. and it's one of the times I blame the acting on Snyder himself. Sometimes acting can be bad direction but not helping an actor whose clearly struggling and not having the good sense to give her way more to work with and an actual character.. that's on him. He had no probelm adjusting the script when needed, so laurie coming out this underbaked is inexcusable. The fact she comes off more as a sex object thanks to her outfit and sex scene without having any AGENCY in said sexuality does not help.

WE then have Dan.. and he may be the only one tha'ts a full on improvement. Patcik Wilson is perfect in the part, not only looking exactly like dan but playing him well: he comes off just a touch more confident.. but not so much he isn't still the insecure, withdrawn nerd the story needs him to be. HE's still a painfully shy man, but he not only has a closer friendship with adrian that helps give him more to do in the plot, and more reason why he's more doubtful he's behind it at first, it also makes Adrian's actions hit harder. IN the comic it wasnt' clear if Adrian was all that close to any of his collegeues. Here the betryal feels personal. He also has great chemistry with ackerman. Wilson is the mvp of the film. And like I said he dosen't just sorta.. collapse and go along with the plan at the end, but is actively spiteful about having to and leaves Adrian devistated. This is easily the better version of dan, and it's likely because unlike the others we didn't get a ton of his backstory, so we only gain more of him instead of loosing a lot.

We then have our mastermind Ozymandis and he's done.. fine. Goode dosen't look the most like him, but did put a lot of effort into the roll. Granted he also infamously told people against his casting "Suck my dick because I don't give a fuck"

But he still did his best and I support his casting: he dosen't look like the superman of the books but more gaunt.. yet he does in the past, giving the feeling the weight of his actions and what has happened has worn on him. While he puts on the cold vener of detachment he dosen't have the smug ego. It makes the character diffrent.. but not in ab ad way, coming off as someone who is doing the grim work necesary to save the world instead of a smug egotist who thinks he's the only one who can. Neither is a good person, but both versions ar eintresting. Admitely Goode slips in an out of an accent but it came from the good idea of having Adrian be german and hide his accent in public to blend in more, as well as distance himself from his nazi parents. I wish this was more texual than just something he thought of but poitns for effort

Finally for the main cast we have our boogie man himself, The COmedian. Along with Stevens and Haley, Dean Morgan not only perfectly matches the role in apperance.. but just ooze sinto it. And since we get his full backstory bit, he's one of the few not as badly marred. The only issue I have is changing his attempted rape to have him be older: him being young and still trying to do something his awful signified that he'd ALWAYS been this cynical, selfish asshat and age only made him worse. The roll was a departure for Morgan who was best known for Grey's Anatomy at the time, but nicely blended into the roll and I wouldn't be shocked if, while not having seen him in wlaking dead, this roll landed him negan as I have read the comic version and the two characters are just similar enough for it to be perfect casting. Ther'es not a lot to say about the comedian I havne't in the comics reviews, Morgan is just perfec tin the roll and desreves more love as an actor.

Finally we have the only two minute men of consequences. Stephen McHattie does a great job as hollis mason though sadly his best scene was cut out of the film, as his death was done BETTER in the extended cut, which I almost reviewed but decided for KEv's wallet and times skae not to. It shows Hollis going down swining, imagining the top knot's as his foes. IT's a great death and I wish it'd been kept in.

Carl Gugino does great as Sally and while she dosen't get many scenes, she is great and I like adding a line about Sally having not regretted her one night stand with Eddie because of wha tit gave her, making her reconcilation with her daughter feel way more plausable.

So with that we just have a few odds and end to

The Cutting Room Floor

As you can probably guess the film exercised a lot. in addition to the various backstories, under the hood and tons of other stuff, pretty much every subplot is excised; The Newspaper Man, the kid with him, Malcom Long, the Lesbians, everyone is gone. The newspaperman and malcom long are unfortunate and it's asd to see them go.. the lesbians not so much as their subplot came off untiotnally homophobic. They also removed mustache cop and you can just imagine my reactoin

Most cuts are understandable. And with that

The Clock Strikes one

So overall Watchmen is a decent film: It has visual flair, some decent aditions, and cast that mostly tries their best even when some aren't given a lot. Is it a GREAT superhero film? Honestly.. no. The cut portions mute the story a bit and Gilliam was likely right that a mini series was a better fit, not to mention there's some tarnish of the time with the executive mandated sex scene and general poor writing for laurie as well as that freaking mars cgi. It's far from a perfect film.. but I still maintain it's pretty good and I still enjoyed it. It's not the best adaptation of the work.. but it's the best it could be within the time, budget and paramenters given and it's a clear labor of love. It's clear Snyder loved watchmen and while he amde some changes, he did his best to get the spirit of it down on film. THe result is a real treat if your a fan of the graphic novel or just a superhero fan in general and if your a fan of snyders, you'll likely enjoy this even more than his justice league works. Doubly if your not a fan. So check it out, it's on HBO max and.. thanks for reading all this way. This has been a decent retrospective and one of th ebiggest and most ambitious project si've done.. But it's time to put away the doomsday clock, let it chime to one in storage.. and stop watching the watchmen. It's been a long road but now.. I rest. See you in the new year.

[samurairobotics]

sNot toPiC

* * * i hate hot topic because it makes it seem like punk is a glamourous thing, more like a fashion and thus a joke than something that the true punks are passionate about. they take bands like blink 182 and mxpx, at the drive in and good charlotte, and call them punk, when they're nothing more than boi bands with guitars. in my view, it's making a mockery of the entire scene, making glittery sid vicious shirts when he couldn't even play bass, and using the word "punk" as an excuse to mass market a lifestyle and make a fashion statement. the issue on prefabricated bondage pants is the same - it's something that i've done for years, something i've spent countless hours working on. i was proud of my results, and then a bunch of teenyboppers pay $70 and buy pretty much the same thing that i had put so much effort into, not really knowing or caring why, just using it as an excuse to be trendy. personally, i know for a fact that if i was a prep or this proverbial 'trendy' that everyone finds so fascinating, i would hate punk, and even hate 'punk rAWk'. think about it - what do these people *really* know about punk? they haven't been to the shows, they haven't felt the closeness and the unity of a crowd for the varukers or beat the shit out of each other in the name of the vandals - that might tear their $50 shirt or $550 pants - or god forbid, scuff their $4500 combat boots. why? because true punk is dirty and disgusting... but what would that sell? hot topic and their allies have to glamourize it, find something in it marketable - preps like SHINY STUFF ... safety pins and studs are SHINY ... WE HAVE FOUND OUR HOT NEW PRODUCT!... NEW and IMPROVED culture! * * *

* * * i think that's what gets to me the most - if the preps want to convert to punk rockers, i have no problem, (the more the merrier, rite?) but they're only doing it because it's the new "in" thing and don't really know much about the culture in general. half the "punks" i see are clad in glittery vicious shirts, purple plaid dogpile bondage pants with sparkley studded bracelets and belts, and yelling "PUNK ROCK" when the only bands they know are emo. emo isn't really that punk, it's like a punk version of country - "my girlfriend left me and now i'm going to sing this song so the world will know who woeful i feel." granted, i do like a BIT of emo, but if i didnt listen to oxy and gbh and the fits and unseen and such, i wouldn't wanna run around telling people i'm punk rock just because i like the ataris. i beat the fuck out of ppl like that. i think hot topic kind of spawned the whole trend simply because it is a trendy store, preps go in there, see something that's trendy, and buy it. it's meaningless to them, just a fashion statement, and hot topic has pretty much made it as such, as they enlist the help of MTV and M2 to spread the word that this is the next big thing. come on people, step up and say OI - don't buy your identity at the mall! * * *

[btsbling]

— Chocolate Syrup — Kth

🍒 pairing: Taehyung x reader

🍒 genre: sugardaddy!au, fluff, relationship!au

🍒 warning: smut, daddy!kink, breeding, unprotected sex (stay safe), foodplay

🍒 summary: When he asks you to become his

🍒 w/c: 2.54k 

©️ Btsbling (i do not own any BTS members except for the fanfiction)

The sound of the elevator rang through the hallways as Taehyung stepped out. Loosening his tie, while the other held onto his suit jacket and phone. He sighed and stretched his neck as he walked through the corridor to his luxury penthouse.

It was another tiring day, the office was buzzing, non-stop calling and meetings. Yet another day of fun filled signings of new business ideas.

Taehyung combed through his hair, he could finally take a breather when the clock striked twelve. He was finally done for the day and longed to rush back to his penthouse for, someone special.

He’d never thought he would ever admit it. But he had found a place for you in his heart. It was never supposed to be something long-term. Only for its short-term benefits that would provide him with immense feelings of satisfaction.

Taehyung had met you, fatefully, under the dim lights that slightly lit the bar. He had a meeting with one of his associates there. He didn’t understand why or how, but the way your eyes glimmered as you conversed with the customer in front of you, your actions while making drinks, captivated him. Everything about you, attracted him like bees to honey.

The pull he felt towards you was indescribable and he felt his eyes resting onto you whenever he got distracted which was, frequently. You weren’t dressed as scandalous as the performers on stage, but neither were you conservative. He couldn’t see anything behind the bar, but your shirt was a tight fit and provided him with enough cleavage, making his dick grow tighter in his pants.

But after the meeting, he had realised you were long gone, another bartender replacing you. He immediately felt a wave of disappointment wash over him. He went back home, asking his assistant to get more information about you.

It was then the beautiful chapter of you and him bloomed. When he had asked you to be his sugarbaby, after a few weeks of sitting at the bar and getting to know you better, you were genuinely surprised.

You were never opposed to the idea of being someone’s sugarbaby, but from someone like Kim Taehyung? That was something you’d never expect.

Kim Taehyung. Multi-millionaire living in the state of Korea. He was young, Greek god looks and a voice that could literally send you chills down your neck. In a good way of course. The way he stood, the way he stared at you made you feel the butterflies fluttering around your belly. It came as a surprise to you, he was kind, approachable and caring. Over the weeks of getting to know him from serving him at your bar, he would always remember to ask about your day, if you had eaten, and made sure you had a safe trip home.

When he approached you with the idea of being his sugarbaby, it took a few days to make a decision. Being his meant a possibility of having your identity talked about in the media like the next hot tea. But it wasn’t a bad idea. You were desperately trying to survive of two part-time jobs and having to pay for your apartment rentals and the medical fees of your sick grandmother.

In conclusion, your decision was something you would never regret.

In the beginning, it was definitely abit awkward, considering the fact that you were a naturally conservative person who wasn’t used to someone buying branded items for you or spending that much money either.

But Taehyung made sure you were comfortable with it and you grew used to seeing branded goods being sent up to your new luxury apartment, as well as a new car. It was never-ending, Taehyung spoiled you like you were his princess.

The two of you had grown extremely close, considering you guys spent much more time in his penthouse. Every night or even day if he ever had a break, was a new sex adventure in a different corner of the house. Sofa? Kitchen table? Windows? Every single place.

He was a literal greek god. Chiseled abs, toned muscular arms that held you firmly as he thrusted into you. His moans were like sounds made by an angel and the way he fucked you, made you even more happy that you accepted his offer.

Taehyung would be lying if he said that he hadn’t gotten used to your presence. Immense happiness would fill his chest with a warm feeling whenever he awoke to the sight of your beautiful face, figure curled and snuggled into his chest. He would take the time to enjoy the sunrise if he had woken up early, hand brushing softly through your hair and leaving light feathery kisses on your face and neck.

It was the best feeling in the entire world, watching as the sky turned into a canvas that was painted with a variety of warm colours. It was a sight to behold. But it was nothing compared to you.

Memories of the night before, where the two of you just cuddled in the bed, his cock stuffed into your warm pussy, sharing stories about your day before falling into deep sleep soon after. Cock warming would have to be one of his favorite cuddle positions.

His heartbeat slowed to a comfortable pace. He felt at peace with you in his arms, as he looked out into the windows.

Taehyung couldn’t live without you.

It was a scary thought, given the fact that he never would’ve imagined falling in love with you over the year you guys spent together as Sugardaddy and sugarbaby.

But he got over it, you were worth it. Even with your hair in a mess, and a small drool dripping from your face, you were still the most gorgeous woman he had ever met. Not only that, you had the kindest of heart, always checking up on him, buying him good health products with your own money and even preparing  home cooked meals for him.

Taehyung glanced down at you, a big smile gracing his face. He was staring at his sweetheart. The only person he could love with all his heart for the rest of his life.

Taehyung could only hope that you felt the same way as he did, even if you didn’t, he would’ve chased after you until you told him to stop.

He loved you more than anything.

and he couldn’t lose you.

He placed his shoes neatly, knowing how much you hated when he threw them without any care in the world.

“Babe?” he called out for you from the kitchen as he made a beeline for the cold, refreshing water in the fridge. As he turned around, he saw you cuddled up with a blanket on the sofa, a book loosely hanging from your hand while you slept in Taehyung’s hoodie.

Taehyung’s heart swelled, knowing that you had stayed up to wait for him. he sat on the sofa beside you, brushing your hair and leaving kisses on your face before you woke up.

“Tae? wha-what’s the time?” you asked groggily, which Taehyung found to be extremely adorable.

“Come on Honey, let’s get your sweet ass into bed. It’s one am” You had no energy to respond, only managing a small nod before you were lifted into Taehyung’s hard chest. His familiar smell making you snuggled closer into the crook of his neck.

Taehyung gently placed you on the bed, covering you with the comforter before taking a quick shower and joining you in bed.

He lifted the duvets before wrapping his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him. You eyes were closing by the second. Taehyung gave you a kiss, gentle and sweet, taking his time to savor his favorite moment of the day.

“I love you so much” he mustered up when your eyes closed fully. Taehyung stared at you before kissing your forehead and taking a whiff of your shampoo that he absolutely adored. “i hope you’ll say yes baby” he mumbled, before joining you in dreamland almost immediately

You awoke to the sunlight peeking through the windows and the heavenly smell of pancakes. Stretching out a yawn and sitting up, you smiled, thinking of how perfect everything was. Although you knew it wasn’t going to be like this forever, at that moment, it seemed like happiness would be eternity.

With that you cuddled back into the blankets only to be dragged by taehyung as he chuckles at you.

“Babe wake up, i made pancakes” he whispered to you, carrying you and placing you on his lap like a baby. Taehyung placed a kiss on your lips before smiling cutely at you.

You shook your head and pouted cutely, knowing full well he would give in and feed you in bed. Taehyung groaned before pushing you playfully, heading towards the door while you laughed.

You quickly washed up and as you were coming out of the fancy bathroom, your jaws dropped at the scene in front of you, your eyes welling with tears.

Presents from different expensive brands, shoes, bags, flowers and balloons. A pack of your favorite candy, Hershey kisses on the bed and he held a plate of pancakes while waiting for you in bed.

“Tae...what’s all this?” your voice almost broke as you quickly strolled to his side. He set the pancakes on the bedside table and quickly pulled you to sit on his lap. His face had a slight red hue as he nuzzled into your neck nervously. “i er” Taehyung mumbled before take a deep breathe, turning your face towards him.

“Y/n L/n, you genuinely complete my life” he chuckled, booping you on the nose. “Baby, you’re the one i want to see whenever i wake up in the morning, the one i want to greet whenever i reach home. I want to do things just to make you happy and see your beautiful smile.” As he said that, you smiled widely.

“I know this wasn’t supposed to develop into a deep relationship but i can’t help it. You’ve made me fall, so deep in love with you sweetheart” He whispered, holding your chin and placing a chaste kiss on your lips.

“Be my girlfriend, move in with me. We can write a new chapter. I just want everyone to know that you’re mine, as much as i’m yours, officially” The tears you were holding in, finally slid down your cheeks as you nodded frantically and turning to hug him as tight as you could.

Taehyung wiped away your tears, smiling as he was trapped from beneath you. Unconsciously, you grinded softly on his manhood, feeling his rod perk even though he had already taken a cold bathe to calm himself down.

His moans motivated you as you sat upright, grinding harder onto his clothed manhood. His large hands radiating heat as he rubbed your hips from the sides before grabbing the ends of his t-shirt that you were wearing and pulled it over your shoulders and head.

“So beautiful, my angel”

His actions left you completely bare except for your panties that barely covered your pussy lips. Taehyung captured your lips in a hurry, but it expressed the passion and heat he was feeling.

His experienced hands maneuvered its way to your nipples, massaging them and he broke away from your kiss to suck on one of them. You unconsciously pushed him closer to your breasts, the immense pleasure overtaking you.

“T-tae please”

“Tell Daddy what you want hmm” he hummed, his lips leaving your breasts and instead sucking onto your neck like you were his next snack.

You were breathless, your pulse racing, you damn well feel the wetness pooling in your panties beneath you.

“w-want your dick please” you almost screamed out as his fingers pulled your panties aside and inserted three fingers in one go.

“So wet for me already baby? Bet i could slide my cock right inside of you easily. But first” Taehyung whispered. “Daddy’s going to enjoy himself”

he reached towards the bedside table, grabbing the choco syrup bottle that he left, and squirting it all over your chest and thighs.

Taehyung continued to finger you as he licked the syrup off your body. Your spine arched to meet his tongue.

“Moan out my name baby” Taehyung demanded, his thumb rubbing on your core, edging on your orgasm.

His fingers and tongue wonders for you and soon your toes were curling and your eyes were rolled back, screaming as you came on Taehyung’s fingers.

Taehyung groaned as he slid his fingers out of you and licked your juice, humming as he did so. “Sweeter than syrup” he smirked.

You were breathless, chest heaving up and down. Taehyung took out his dick from the sweatpants he were wearing. You licked your lips as the delicious sight of his erect cock made you even wet than before.

Taehyung slid down your soaked panties slowly, before pressing his face towards your wet cunt and taking a swift lick.

“you’re so damn delicious babygirl” licking his lips as he aligned his cock with the entrance of your pussy, prepping your already wet pussy with his precum

“P-please tae, put it in me” Taehyung smirked

“What’s my name babygirl” Taehyung demanded

“T-taehyung” you whimpered out, feeling his head sliding in and out quickly.

“No baby, what’s my name” He asked again

“D-daddy please��� screaming as he entered with one big thrust

Taehyung’s hands held your hips as thrusted harder and harder. You moaned with each thrust as you felt his big cock stretching you out. “You look so sexy, beneath me, taking my cock like the good girl you are” Taehyung breathed out.

He watched your breasts bounce as he thrusted harder into you, watching your face contort into full pleasure as he hit your g-spot.

“Right there d-daddy, right there” you screamed, ready to release.

Taehyung groaned as he changed his angle, sliding into you deeper and harder. “I’m coming babygirl, cum with daddy”

“Give me your milk daddy please, use me, cum in me. I’m on the pill, please i need your cum” You cried out, Taehyung moaned at your dirty talk, loving how it sounded coming out of you.

After a few more thrusts, you came first, milking his cock and after helping ride out your high, Taehyung came afterwards, filling you with his hot cum, thick spurts releasing in you. Your chest heaved up and down, as Taehyung collapsed tiredly onto you, his face nestled in your soft breasts.

He pulled the blanket over the two of you, resting on his forearms to stare lovingly at you. Taehyung smiled softly, loving the after-sex glow and the soft sunlight that made you look more like an angel. You smiled tiredly at him, brushing away his bangs and gently rubbing his cheeks. Your smile widening as you felt him nuzzle into your soft touch.

“i love you so much Kim Taehyung, and i’ll be so happy to be your girlfriend” you whispered Taehyung grinned before standing up and carrying you princess style to the bathroom. 

“I love you as much as i loved the breakfast session i just had” he grinned mischievously 

Please leave some feedback!

[diavolosthots]

This got really long so i put it under a cut and I'm totally going backward with this series but i cant help myself. I HAVE to start with my husband. Most of these are my own headcanons but please read the warning.

Warning: some of these are confirmed in lessons/devilgrams. If you dont want spoilers, don't read the ones in red. (Also Note: I remember reading all of these either in the game or on the official wiki page but I could not find all the in-game sources if you asked me to. Still, they are tagged as spoilers.)

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾DIAVOLO Life Headcanons☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Diavolo’s dad, the Demon King (whom I Headcanon to be named Daemon. I could write headcanons on that guy too?? Lemme know what you guys want) loved Diavolo’s mom dearly and Diavolo was thus a product of pure love, not necessarily just to have an heir. That’s just a bonus. 

Sadly Diavolo’s mom died in childbirth, leaving only the Demon King and Barbatos to take care of him. 

This caused the King to begin resenting his son and Daemon grew cold. Barbatos was, more often than not, the one who took care of little Diavolo, although Diavolo tried desperately to win his dad’s affections, never truly understanding why his father would hate him. 

Diavolo was a rambunctious child and caused a lot of trouble, much to his father’s dismay, and he found himself in trouble a lot. 

On top of that, Diavolo is also highly emotional and it wasn’t until much later that he learned that tears won’t get him anywhere. Barbatos used to give him sweets and tea every time he cried, which was a lot thanks to his dad.

Although the butler did stop this at some point, that’s definitely where Diavolo’s love for tea came from

Barbatos is definitely, and has always been, someone he confided in, and he found it hard to view him as nothing but a ‘servant’, per his dad. It’s not even that his father hated Barbatos or thought of him as lesser than, he just didn’t like that Diavolo confided more in him than anyone else. 

Diavolo definitely had a rebellious phase as he grew up. The mixture of his absent-father’s non-existent love and the responsibilities put on his shoulders from a very young age got too much for him at some point and let’s just say…. Diavolo had a lot of ‘oopsies’ in his ‘teenage’ years. 

If you know, you know. They are no longer among the living. R.I.P. 

People used Diavolo a lot because of this, though. The lack of care and love at home caused a young Diavolo to be naive and trust too easily, getting hurt in the process

Which is why Barbatos now has a torture chamber for the enemies of Diavolo (or people who just want/use him for the wrong reasons)

When Diavolo didn’t try to escape the castle for some love, he found comfort in art and unbeknownst to both his father and anyone else working at the castle, Barbatos helped him build a mini art gallery up in one of the towers where Diavolo still goes for some relaxation or just to think. 

A lot of people backstabbed him as he grew up and even he himself backstabbed a lot of people as well. At some point he saw the hurt he caused and decided to never lie again, and now he’s always telling the truth, albeit he can beat around the bush a lot, and knows for certain when someone else is lying to him. 

At some point, his father forbade him to treat Barbatos as more than a trusted servant and that pretty much solidified his dislike, not hatred, for his father. 

As he grew up into the man he is now, he started to see his dad as more of an authoritarian ruler that works for his own political gain rather than the well being of everyone. The Devildom was never in shambles, or anything, but one could feel a clear hierarchy and there was definitely tension with the other two realms 

His father was actually the one is (somewhat, if not fully) started the war against heaven (not to be confused with the celestial war that the brothers were part of)

Now, he never hated his father, truly. To a certain extent, he actually understood why his father was the way he was. He lost his beloved wife for a son he had to grow a new relationship with. Diavolo never thought his father hated him, either, but one could tell that their relationship was filled with grief, heartache, and even a sense of regret. 

Diavolo never blamed his father, though, and as he grew older, he took certain aspects of his father’s character into his own: loyalty, ambition, and honesty. 

That’s why his father stepped down, but not fully since Diavolo hasn’t been crowned yet. The Demon King is tired; tired of pushing through the days, and Diavolo understands. 

The situation with his parents is also the reason why Diavolo refuses to settle down so easily. He’s scared of both A.) trusting the wrong people again, like he had many times before, and B.) of having the same fate as his father and mother. 

That and Barbatos is highly protective of him lol Good luck getting past the butler if you want to be with the future King. 

One of the main reasons Diavolo keeps up the naive and himbo attitude is also because he never got to be a kid. His father pushed him straight into royal life once he was old enough to comprehend things. 

This does not mean, though, that Diavolo is actually a himbo. He’s quite intelligent and there’s a reason for everything he does. 

Diavolo doesn’t believe in coincidences and is a firm believer in fate; that everything happens as it should and for a reason (A/N: homie is a determinist and that lowkey makes me happy lol)

That’s why he’s perfectly fine taking his time and doing his thing. He likes to have a certain sense of control, of course, but not to the extent that Lucifer does. He’s cool going with the flow as well. 

Speaking of Lucifer, the reason he views him as a best friend and even family is because Diavolo believes he can relate to the absence of a father that’s supposed to be there no matter what

That and because Lucifer is brutally honest. He doesn’t take Diavolo for granted and he certainly doesn’t want Diavolo around for the riches and fame. Diavolo appreciates that a lot. 

Diavolo gets along with pretty much everyone; he’s very adaptable because he has to be. However, that doesn’t necessarily make him an extrovert. As a matter of fact, he’s actually more of an introvert and likes to keep to himself or with a limited group of close friends

Speaking of friends, Diavolo doesn’t have a lot, if any, outside of the brothers and Barbatos. It’s hard to know who to trust when so many people just want to use him or rob him, even strip him of his title. 

Diavolo is very lonely, as a matter of fact, and he hopes, prays even, that he could find a bond with someone, anyone, like Lucifer shares with his brothers. In a sense, he may even be jealous of the seven. 

Although his life was less than peachy, even if he did have everything anyone could ever wish for, Diavolo craves true emotional connections, which is why he clings to Barbatos and Lucifer. 

This, however, doesn’t mean he is helpless. He’s very much an independent, intelligent, and ambitious man, and he is excited for the future, whatever it may hold.