#I hate my style so very much because I find it so limited and I have no motivation or energy rn

[inkyminx]

Y’all don’t understand— I really REALLY wanna draw the yyh lads and come up with au shenanigans with them BUT I can’t for the life of me draw anyone with confidence but Kurama and probably Keiko.

I can maaaaaybe do a somewhat stylized version of Mazoku Yusuke (my homeboy) BUT that’s the closest I could get with him.

[im2tired4usernames]

My parents should be fuckin ashamed

[hoziersong]

do you mind if i ramble in the tags about my weird relationship with making art in fandom for a second

[mac-tirs]

the not-insignificant differences between the omen twins

so, i saw this picture posted by @amanaci which inspired me to write this rather lengthy piece on the contrasts between morgott and mohg. i decided that, instead of dumping this whole think-piece on their post, i'd make my own separate post and ramble here.

this difference in their height really tracks for how their fighting styles and personalities are like, i feel. i always found it peculiar how different they are despite being twins; i feel like there's a rather stark resemblance between miquella and malenia in their soft-faced features, pale skin, and long flowing hair, and a close resemblance between the carian siblings with their red hair, but morgott and mohg are rather different from each other, only bearing similarities due to their omen nature. i looked a little bit into that and found that there's pretty good reasons behind why.

firstly, morgott is severely malnourished and unhealthy in comparison to mohg. you can see it in his body and how his skin sags, how his ribs and bones show, and how dry it looks. below is a comparison between his hands and mohg's hands.

morgott's hands are dry, almost rubbed red and raw around the knuckles and fingers. it reminds me a little of psoriasis, or some kind of skin discolouration caused by his poor health. it's likely he isn't eating well, or at the very least, he isn't eating as well as mohg. his twin, on the other hand (ha!), has shiny, veiny skin with a healthy colour and gleam to them. it's like he wants to call to attention how well moisturised he is (which, in this case, compared to morgott, he is).

above is a comparison between the twins' horns. the difference is extremely evident to me; morgott's horns are dry, almost seeming brittle, like sun-dried bone that hasn't seen rain or moisture in years. it reminds me of the horns of a very neglected ram, almost, but despite that, the horn growths seem more controlled, less like the wild growths all over the royal omens of the shunning grounds and more controlled as a sort of jutting crown from mainly one side of his head. meanwhile, mohg's horns are shiny, curling wildly to the point of injury, taking his eye in its path of growth. they grew wildly enough to replace his hair altogether, if he ever had any, and give him an even more imposing silhouette with a literal crown of horns (and a beard to boot). beyond this, his horns look healthy, with clearly defined rings to each growth that shine under the light, much like the rest of him. he's oiled leather to morgott's dry hide.

another somewhat interesting detail of morgott is his tail. i know a lot of people see it as soft, and it certainly looks the part, but what i find interesting are two things: the first being that his fur looks quite matted in some lightings and angles but overall looks soft to the touch, and the second being that his tail's horns look much healthier than his own horns on his head. this is in clear contrast to the rest of his body, which looks dry and unassuming with smatterings of coarse white hair up and down his body, and i believe its a matter of the limits to his own self-care. he utilises his tail as another weapon in his arsenal, so he cares for it that it might serve him well in battle, unlike his head of horns, which only serve as a detriment to him with how they must obscure some of his vision, if not most of it. additionally, he likely could bear to look at his tail and care for it, but for an omen that hates his nature more than the average, he probably doesn't enjoy looking at his own face in the mirror enough to properly care for himself.

which brings me back to the sheer differences between these two. morgott, unhealthy and self-loathing, neglects many visual aspects of himself likely because he sees vanity as a luxury not afforded to someone like him. mohg, healthy and self-obsessed, cares and grooms himself to appear very much so like the lord he claims to be, loving himself to a heretical extreme (in the eyes of the golden order). their statures reflect this too; morgott hunches low to the ground, ready to pounce at any given moment but also due to his own shame and humility, while mohg stands tall and proud, though not as tall as he could possibly be due to his upbringing being one of likely having to hunch low to fit beneath the ceilings of the smaller parts of the shunning grounds.

above is a picture of an omen from stormveil, which bears resemblance to all the omen you see in the game. in terms of clothing, one of the big ways people set the omen twins apart, morgott is completely naked save for the ragged cloak of animal hides he wears, signifying he is not fit to even dress himself in a shirt or trousers as befits a king, much like the omen pictured. he wears even less than that, actually, since he lacks even the slightest adornment save for the rope that clasps his cloak together. on the other hand, mohg is entirely adorned in finery, wearing a beautifully embroidered, fashionable priest's robe with matching vestments, and beneath that (as seen in the first image) some underclothes, a plain black button up and some pants. mohg's entire silhouette changes with the removal of his robe, while morgott's barely makes an impact once you realise he has only taken off the one article of clothing he had.

then, of course, there are their fighting styles. there's this fantastic video on youtube that i recommend watching of the twins fighting every major boss in the game, and you can clearly tell them apart from their fighting styles alone. morgott is fast, his size making him look deceptively slow only for him to dart out and do sick flips and somersaults and pirouettes that rival even the most flexible dancers, and he fights with speed and almost animalistic ferocity, save for when he conjures his weapon incantations. mohg is slow but strong, capable of swinging that large trident around like it weighs nothing while hitting with the force to knock down most enemies in a few hits, and most tarnished in just one, but he fights with a steady gracefulness in his every move, walking slowly and carefully while casting spells that hurt a lot.

even their phase 2 transitions are markedly different, with morgott's being one where he drops to his knees, vomits, and releases his cursed blood(?) all over the battlefield, causing his weapon to become alight with his curse and for him to fight with more in-your-face aggression, and with mohg's being one where he simply ignores your attacks and begins stabbing his spear into the formless mother for power at your expense, gaining a majestic set of wings that put distance between you and him so he can cast more of his spells at safer distances. where morgott is pushed to his limit and forced to confront his nature, mohg has long since embraced it and enjoys the fruits of his bloody labour with the mother of truth's blessing.

speaking of the mother of truth, even their patron orders are at odds with each other. the golden order was built upon the foundation of a very carefully-guarded lie: that marika is the one true god, which she can't be, with the existence of radagon (as per goldmask, perhaps the number 1 fundamentalist we meet in game). the formless mother is known also as the mother of truth, existing in direct opposition of the golden order's lies and craving the honesty of one of the purest expressions of life: blood. these two ideals would war against each other, with one being dedicated to the upholding of a beautiful, corrupt lie and the other being dedicated to the instillation of a dynasty of raw, pure truths. as such, even morgott and mohg's own great runes reflect these contrasts in faith, though, remarkably, these two great runes are ones that fit perfectly over each other, with mohg's slightly elevated (seen below, taken from the fextralife wiki).

so, where does this leave us? i don't know, exactly. i wasn't really writing this with any sort of ultimate conclusion. i just found it really interesting how different they were, and i wanted to talk about all the noticeable, significant differences between them here. thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[abby-howard]

I'm going to be asking a lot of artists I follow this question, but how did you develop your style? It SEEMS like most people find their style and stick with it forever, just making improvements and iterations. I tend to work in a lot of different styles because I enjoy doing that, though I know there are things I gravitate towards as well. But I wonder what your journey was and how you got feedback and improved while staying true to what you enjoyed?

Hi there!

I definitely wouldn't say that I've found my style and stuck with it forever-- I feel like each of my projects has asked for a certain kind of art, and has presented new challenges that push me in new directions.

Some of that comes from seeing someone else's work and having something click into place that might fix errors/faults in my own, and then I might try to incorporate that, such as bigger outlines on my characters to help distinguish them from the background, or maybe a way someone else simplifies eyes that can help make mine look less weird.

When I first started drawing, I can see where I encountered certain influences because my sketchbooks suddenly switch to incorporating some new stylistic element that I liked from whatever I was reading/watching at the time. But it was never QUITE right, it was never just copying, there was always something ~wrong~ with it. And that wrongness was my style! As much as I hated it, that was what distinguished my art from being just a copy of someone else's. I hate it less now, and understand that other people see something there that maybe I don't, because it's just what happens when I filter other people's work through my head. My soul, if you will.

There are definitely through-lines with my work, driven by what I like drawing and what comes easily to me-- hatching is almost always a major component, and I like making expressive characters. Here's some of my earliest available stuff, from my old webcomic:

Then not long after that, I started The Last Halloween, which pushed me to challenge myself in both layout and style:

And here's the same comic, years later:

And here's a series I did for kids, where I had to use full color and lay off on the hatching, as well as learn how to reconstruct animals that we have no photo references for, which is definitely a place where style comes majorly into play, whether I wanted it to or not:

Then there was the horror book I did, where I tried to push my work to be less cartoony overall, and to work very hard on improving my hatching:

Then I started work on Scarlet Hollow, where I incorporated a limited/muted palette and had to once again push myself to make less-cartoony art, as well as learn more consistency so I could draw sprite sets. This was a big challenge for me, and has helped me grow as an artist so much!

And most recently, I wrapped up work on Slay the Princess, which required that I go back in the cartoony direction, but in a very different way than I was used to. This took a lot of sketching to figure out, and there's still a decent amount of artistic stumbling in Chapter 1 while I settled into it.

She's drawing on anime/Disney influence, but each Princess required a bit of stylistic variability. Some are more anime, while some are more realistic than even the Scarlet Hollow characters.

So I wouldn't worry too much, honestly! A person's style is often something that reveals itself over the course of their career, rather than something they choose and then try to stick to forever.

Even if you don't think you have a style, you do. It might vary a lot piece by piece, especially if you're trying to closely imitate another person's art, but the more work you do, the more you'll figure out your own strengths and interests!

[zipper-neck]

Trans Rules of Engagement

By Florence Ashley

Strong communities make us all safer. As anti-trans movements gain in power and influence, holding space for each other through our flaws remains critical. Yet the very conditions that create our need for community care make it hard for us to care for each other. We are raw, wounded, traumatized, and hypervigilant. We make mistakes brought on by fear and hurt. We lash out at each other when we do wrong, often partaking in pile-ons facilitated by the synchronous nature of online interactions. Whether we realize it or not, we often exclude trans people from community when they need it most.

I have lost count of the number of trans people I have seen cast out of online trans spaces for misdeeds both major and minor—far too often with my help. I sometimes find myself wondering where they are now and whether they are still alive. Because, as Kai Cheng Thom has taught us, social death often means real death for trans people. Trans communities are life-sustaining in a world that hates us so, so much. In a world that wants us dead. We have lost too many people not to stop and think about how we can foster life among each other.

This goal I have for myself—that of fostering life—motivates the following principles and rules for engaging in online intra-community conflicts while preserving the life-sustaining spirit of our communities. Countless times have I failed to heed these principles and ignored these rules. This failure, which many of us share, is precisely why I now want to lay these principles and rules down on paper. If only as a reminder of my aspirations. The principles and rules are meant to be adopted for oneself, not imposed onto others. Their purpose is to foster productive engagement, not create even more conflict and rigidity. I hope that this will be a living document, and invite you to make your own version if you would like. Borrow what is useful, supplement with what is needed, alter what can be improved.

Some, and perhaps all, of the principles I acknowledge are false, hence the need for a living document. Each of my suggested rules have exceptions. In setting them out, I am staking a claim as to the sort of myths and half-truths that are necessary to sustain life in a world that wants us dead. We must treat them as true if we wish to foster life-sustaining communities and survive the hellscape we belabor.

Principles

1. We are all flawed, traumatized humans at the end of their rope. Many of our actions say more about the conditions we live under than who we are as people.

2. No one is disposable. No one is unsalvageable.

3. Life holds greater value than being right or comfortable. Hurt is preferable to death.

4. No one should be deprived of community.

5. Harm does not require further harm. Punishment does not equate protection or healing.

Rules

1. Do not depart from these rules, unless you have to.

2. Morgan M. Page’s Rule: Try to avoid criticizing other trans people in public. The world does it enough already.

3. Favor in person or private conversations: Addressing someone’s comments or actions in person or privately is typically more constructive and effective. It allows you to communicate more cogently and with more nuance problems in someone’s actions or words and because it is less likely to make them react defensively from a place of trauma or fear.

4. Take your time: Few things require an immediate response. Responding while caught in a surge of thoughts and feelings is often unproductive. Ask yourself how much harm was done, versus how much we are reminded of an earlier harm. Ask whether your response is rooted in misperception or potential biases towards the person due to race, disability, gender, or other marginalized identities. Consider whether their words or actions reflect a different kind of thinking or communication style, a lack of access to education, or limited access to progressive communities and norms. You can respond tomorrow, once you have collected your thoughts, talked to others, and gained perspective.

5. Don’t mob: Be aware of group dynamics. Ask yourself if you are connected to this person and in community with them. Avoid jumping into the fray when others are already criticizing the person. Do not invite others to join in and mob them. Withdraw if others join in, and kindly ask people to stay conscious of mobbing dynamics. Mobbing rapidly grows out of proportion.

6. De-escalate: Focus on de-escalating conflicts. Ask what people mean or want, and why. Ask them for clarification or elaboration if needed. Ask yourself if you know enough about the context of the situation. Distinguish the action from the person, and acknowledge that it is normal to respond defensively or aggressively to public criticism and mobbing. People are traumatized, mentally ill, and are scared of losing the little social support they have. As a result, conflict can trigger a fight-or-flight response in both those who are criticized and who criticize, which leads to escalating conflict and ends in a loss of community. Dropping the conversation to return at a later date is preferable to escalation. Often, I find it best to limit myself to three replies in conversations that aren’t constructive.

7. Respond proportionately: Responses to words and behaviours should be proportionate to their harm, and reflect a need for healing and protection rather than punishment. When we speak from a place of hurt, we can understandably but unfortunately forget the measure and impact of our response. Use language that reflects the nuances and gradations of harm rather than a coarse good and evil binary. Cutting all social support and community banishment are rarely a proportionate response, even for someone who doubles down and does not apologize. Responding proportionately is asking first and foremost what response sustains rather than dissolves life. Especially when it comes to words, it is better to under-react than to over-react.

8. Ensure support for everyone: Check in on those who are criticized and those who criticize them. Remind people that we are all in this together, and that banishment is not how we work as a community. Everyone deserves to have their needs met. Do not shun or reproach people who offer support to those who were criticized or called out. Distinguish supporting a person from enabling their behavior.

9. Hold space for people to grow: Allow space for people to be accountable, change, and move on from previous conflicts. Do not hold past behavior over people’s head, nor dig up past misdeeds to fuel present conflicts.

10. Resolve conflict and harm as a community: We must ask how our communities enable and cause hurt and harm, and find ways to transform the conditions that create them. Holding accountable, problem-solving, and conflict resolution are functions that should be taken up by the collective, not isolated and unsupported individuals.

11. Center those most hurt or harmed: Focus on supporting and empowering people who are hurt and harmed rather than on punishment. Ask what they need to be safe and integrated in our communities, while committing to support for everyone; what they need to repair their relationship to the person who hurt or harmed them. Focus your involvement on bringing people together, fostering dialogue and mutual understanding, and restoring a sense of community togetherness, rather than deciding who is right or wrong.♦

[cassatine]

my conclave review i guess! i was going to gush in chat but then. too many words.

so literally all i knew about it going in was (1) a cardinal vapes in it (2) probably it's about a conclave?? (3) good vibes according to dashboard osmosis. the cinematography was a+, which i always appreciate. i liked that on one level it's a perfect comedy, really fucking funny in a sort of understated way. the beginning kinda reminded me of the death of stalin, what with the inciting event being the guy at the top of the hierarchy dying… somehow excellent comedy setup. at the very beginning, when lawrence & co struggle a bit to take the ring off the pope's corpse and it's all so ritualized, that's when i knew it was going to be Funny.

but beyond the fact that it was funnier than i expected... i liked the layers. most of all i think i liked the earnestness. ralph fiennes mid-crisis of faith, hating his job, trying to be a moral man in a system that is broken?? chef's kiss. the other cardinals of note were also nicely layered, like adeyemi? it would have been so easy to just stop at his being homophobic and treat his having had a kid being revealed as comeuppance but the way he cries and asks lawrence to pray with him… he sucks and it's a good thing he's taken off the race but it also happens for the wrong reason. bellini who's lying to himself and everyone else over not wanting to be the pope when he so clearly does and still letting himself be bought by the promise of a nice post… and yet he is not just an hypocrite. he sees he failed. he apologizes. he is only human. tedesco could have been a one note villain but he's the coolest dude around, and on a fundamental level that's part of what makes him dangerous: he's a reactionary and a bigot but he makes it kinda sexy. you want to like him; he's fun to watch and he has style, something the other cardinals probably wouldn't recognize if it hit them in the face. benitez. well. benitez is jesus. sister agnes was neat, it's a bit sad we don't really get to know her but she's indispensable and i love that for her. like. here's a bunch of dudes with all the decisional power who expect her to just exist in the background doing the menial work and then her printer expertise ends up being vital, and in general lawrence wouldn't have managed as well without her support… noice.

the end feels a bit easy, like lbr benitez being elected pope because he made a nice speech is ludicrous, but also… it works for me?

(1) on some level the film is about the difficulties of trying to be a moral person in a system that does not reward being moral. sure it's about faith and doubt and the limitations of organized religion. it's about catty bitches vying for power in a ritualized way that, on some level, speaks of an institution that ossified, that resists change (and on that note: benitez, obviously-the-best candidate only gets elected because people skirt the isolation rules, because the outside world intrudes. also because he is jesus.) it's stated near the beginning that the pope hadn't lost faith in god but in the church, and through the movie we can see why, all the machinations and the thirst for power and the fallibility of the men within the institution. through lawrence we see how much easier it would be to just… stop trying, to do the convenient thing, the easy thing, rather than the right thing, and to find justifications for that: better not make waves and better not make a scandal, for the sake of electing a blandly liberal pope rather than tedesco. and who would disagree? sure, better a bland liberal than reactionary tedesco. but then comes the ethical quandary: should the goal of avoiding one evil mean closing your eyes to another? should you forsake your sense of right and wrong for the greater good? too often i think we are told to prioritize the greater good, and maybe sometimes we should. but maybe sometimes we shouldn't. maybe sometimes we should hold to our principles. in the end, benitez being elected pope isn't going to miraculously make the catholic church and its agents unproblematic. but it is a win, and it happens because lawrence kept choosing to do (what he believes is) the right thing, the moral thing, even when it's not easy, even when it's inconvenient, even when he's told he's being naive and hurting the greater cause. and i appreciate that message.

(2) as i said: benitez is jesus. the film is a parable… it's a story about how jesus showed up, completedly unexpected, in the middle of the church his disciples built, and because the church is made up of people and people are flawed and faillible and too busy with things like power, they did not notice jesus walking among them. at least not until god (metaphorically) shone a light on him. like yes sure the way benitez ends up the one elected is ludicrous but!! it took an act of god. not the bombs per se. but the tragedy of it intruding into the isolated conclave? the windows exploding, the light coming in, this is what allows the true stakes to become clear again, and for benitez's love thy neighbour speech to take place at all - a speech contrasted with tedesco's own, all the style stripped from him, making it clear he is a man who reaches for hate and not compassion. it's a parable!! it takes a tragedy. it takes an act of god.

[81folklore]

older - LECLERC

pairings: charles leclerc x male!singer!reader (fc: luke hemmings)

summary: singer yn ln releases a love song with his boyfriend, and the public are not prepared for who it is about

authors note: this has been on my mind for SO LONG. i honestly dont like how many fics ive been doing on the same people (charles, lando etc) but whenever i go to start a new one on my list for someone else i think of something that i have to do😭 also in this reader is not a part of 5sos but close friends with the 3, wfttwtaf is readers album and older is exclusivly the readers song

authors note 2: i wanted to quickly clarify i am NOT speculating that charles or luke are gay/queer and this is not my intentions. luke obviously sings older and i find it easier to visualise it this way, while the reader in this is male, this could also be read as gn!reader. this is FICTION please do not tkae this as me speculating anything

authors note 3: i didnt really know what i was doing with this so its kind of all over the place and very rushed :/ but then again when arent my smau all over the place?? also can you tell i hate writing comments by the way i just dont😭

masterlist

yourusername

liked by pierregasly, ashtonirwin and 818,937 others

we started this song together back in 2020 and picked it back up at the end of 2022

'Older' was originally a voice memo of a 50’s-style love song that we wrote together, then forgot about. when thinking of concepts for my debut album i stumbled across the memo and fell in love with it all over again, but i put it aside yet again as to me, it deserved more than the album

the song has changed a lot from the original voice memo, but the meaning has stayed the same throughout. despite all the beauty, the ups and downs of a long-term relationship over many years, there’s inevitably going to be the worst moment of your love because one of you is going to lose each other

capturing those feelings in a song was tricky but ultimately we wrote from the heart and i think it shows in the song itself

this has always been a song between us, so having him play on this song was very importnt to me and im glad he said yes

older is now yours

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yourusername

liked by landonorris, calumhood and 1,727,338 others

im very pleased to announce a very special one off show at the Royal Albert Hall in London this November 18th. I will be playing a bunch of tracks from my debut album and may be joined to play some others aswell! Tickets on sale this monday at 10 am BST. Lots of love always, yn x

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yourusername

liked by 5sos, charles_leclerc and 2,719,936 others

thank you for an incredible night at the royal albert hall

looking back at the best night of my life, i need to thank each and every one of you who allowed this dream to come true, i will never be able to thank you guys enough

performing in my dream venue, with my favorite people in the world was something i never thought was possible and yet here i am, writing this still on my high from last night

thank you to my friends; michael, ashton and calum who took the time to come to london and perform their songs with me, thank you for always loving me and agreeing to my crazy ideas

to my team and everyone who worked to make this night as special as it could be, thank you. thank you for making my htoughts a reality and making this night as wonderful as possible

thank you to the staff who worked throughout the show to make sure everyone was safe, well and looked after. you truly do not get as much credit as you deserve and i apreciate the hard work you put in to keep everyone happy

thank you to those who joined me, i wish each and every one of you who wanted to could have been there. thank you for singing along and listening to me pour my heart and soul into my music

thank you for letting me do this x

view comments

user55: not the pcd hitting already☹️

user1: and im supposed to pretend i didnt see yn and 5sos perform os/co??

user89: CHARLES?? YN IS DATING CHARLES??

user91: AND HE CAME ON STAGE?? AND THEY PERFORMED OLDER??

user50: i cant believe i saw this all happen live

user47: THANK YOU TO WHOEVER WAS RUNING THE GRAINY LIVESTREAM I OWE YOU MY LIFE🧎🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️

ashtonirwin: thank you for everything yn. youre a real life angel

user16: NO CHARLES MENTION??

user9: BESTIE HE HAS A WHOLE POST

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, pierregasly, michaelclifford and 3,619,273 others

after having time to process this show, I feel so overcome with gratefulness. my music means so much to me and seeing so many people resonate with it in a live space was so special for me.

charlie, my life would literally fall apart without you and this would have never happened without you giving me the confidence to do so, i hold so much love and admiration for you

thank you for joining me on such a special night and performing our song with me, thank you for sticking with me through it all and thank you for allowing me to share this part of my life with you

i sometimes wonder where i would be if i didnt find you, if i wasnt blessed with your love. i try to think about the times before you, before us, but both feel impossible to do after feeling your love

life with you is so special and i promise to always cherish and love you

merci de m'avoir laissé vieillir avec toi, merci de m'avoir laissé t'adorer, merci de m'avoir choisi (thank you for letting me get old with you, thank you for letting me adore you, thank you for choosing me)

yn x

tagged: charles_leclerc

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charles_leclerc: mon ange, je t'aimerai toujours (my angel, I will always love you)

charles_leclerc: je suis tellement privilégiée d'être celle que tu aimes🤍🤍 (I'm so privileged to be the one you love)

yourusername: vieillir avec toi ne semble pas si effrayant🖤🖤 (growing old with you doesn't seem so scary)

[ioniansunsets]

I JUST FOUND YOUR BLOG AND OMG

hey imma need that confession Heartsteel Kayn moment yannoooo… fr all I’ve been thinking about 😳😳😳

✖ Heartsteel!Kayn Confessing ✖

✖ Word Count: 1.2k

✖ Tags: Awkward Confessions

✖ A/N: Reader here is just someone who works at his studio! He met you as Heartsteel slowly begun to start out and get ready for debut. Also writing this with that one ask about him writing a song about this exact moment in mind. Heehee!

I was reading some fanfics on my side and got filled with so much adrenaline and emotions I spat this out. I got very very very carried away writing this. I hope its not too OOC. Thank you for asking for this, I couldn't stop thinking about writing it.

----

It sucked. It fucking sucked. The way his heart raced when you were near.

The loud thumping against his chest. He hated it.

He hated how vulnerably and un-badass it made him feel. How the high he got from you rivaled that of the stage.

How your voice played over and over in his mind more than any melody he knew. How your laughter made his knees weak. It made Him. Weak!

He hated. He loathed. He grunts in frustration as he rocks out hard on his guitar. Fingers picking at the strings, a sick solo riff but it was for no one but himself.

Oh, how he did arguably stupider things than usual when he saw you watching. Showing off to you he jumped off a stage once. Which is not too far off from usual but it was to no audience! It was during a practice run! He did it just to flex to you that he was cool! Fucking embarrassing to remember but he did! All because you were standing nearby! How could you do such a thing to him!

The absolute frustration he was filled with. Not pent up rage, not a craving for violence and destruction, but affection? Undeniable. Overflowing. Drowning and choking him. Affection!

He finally threw his guitar on the ground. Breathing heavy. Hands running through his hair to push away the hair that has fell to his face in his little jam session. Hands wiping away the sweat. No matter how long he played, how fast his fingers pressed the strings, how frantically he strummed away. How he still played, chipping his painted nails when he slips up and drops his pick. The loud music of his electric guitar couldn't drown out the high BPM beat of his heart going off in his ears. The mental image of you smiling and waving at him every time he shows up. The tingle in his fingertips imagining himself holding you.

Swallowing hard, he storms out of the studio. He was at his fucking limit and refused to deal with this flip flop of emotions any longer. A cold shower. He calms down. Tomorrow. At the studio when he goes in to record. He'll find you then. He'll go early before the rest of the band gets there. He'll get this done and over with. Enough hours were spent being a mess about you. He was going to get this done! Tossing and turning in bed for hours he finally falls asleep. Tomorrow, he'll confess.

xxxx

The next day came soon enough. Making sure he looked good, makeup on, hair styled nicely, a sexy ass outfit with his deliciously sculpted abs out. Not the usual for when he goes to the studio but if he was going to be confessing? Perfect. Yes he was perfect in his own eyes but still, his heart raced. Small whispers of Rhaast in his mind, telling him they might reject him, that he was someone that needed nobody, he shouldn't go up to them and say anything, the frustration was so good for his music! But still, he walked on. Boots hitting the floor at the same pace of his rapidly beating heart as he walks up to you. You heard him before you saw him, the thump of his boots echoing closer and closer.

" Hey!"

He cringes internally, the hell was that greeting. Hey? Just hey?! He smiles. Cocky as usual. Face never betraying his emotions, yeah he was cool like that. The shaking of his hands held back as he puts them in his pockets. Its alright, he looked cool. Just like that, hands in his pockets fiddling with his phone as he leans against the wall to talk to you.

" Can I talk to you a bit before I go and record stuff?"

Oh gods you smiled and nodded. His heart fluttered. His expression, involuntary, visibly lighting up. The way your smile just made him smile so bright back. He takes a deep breath.

" I uh...I love you."

He spat it out. It wasn't cool. It wasn't sexy. It was a choked out confession. Heart racing, palms now sweaty in his pockets, still shaking. Hells, shaking More now. His breath heavy as he tries to keep the anxiety at bay. A feeling of stage fright he never felt before. Suddenly hitting him. You look at him, face slowly getting more flushed as you process the sudden confession.

" I hate it but I've fallen head over heels for you. I'm a fucking wreck. You ruin me."

Kayn runs his hands through his hair, a habit to calm himself down. His eyes closed as he takes a deep breath before continuing.

" You genuinely make my time here at the studio fun, your presence is chaotic and calming at the same time. I want to be with you. I want us to be a thing. You already know me, you've seen the me on stage during practice, off stage when I record lines, you've seen Rhaast go all out and you still choose to be around me. I want you more than anything I've ever wanted."

He looks at you now, a calm stare. Lips pursed in a tight line. Swallowing hard. His nerves somehow finding solace in letting out all his feelings that were pent up over the month or two since you got to know each other. You laugh, gods your laugh. He's giddy. You tell him you love him too. He smiles.

A pause as he suddenly stands up straight. You tell him you love him too?

" Wait haha what? Really?"

He was amazing of course you'd say yes but still, there was that tiny part of him that was worried. You liked him back? You Love him? The amazing you! The you that shone like a sun in his frustrating days of endless work as a rockstar. You! He was fucking Elated. Arms immediately around you, a tight hug as he lets out a sigh. Breath he didn't even realize he was holding until now. His arms still shaking a little as he held you.

" Can I kiss you. Right now? I-"

Kayn doesn't even finish his sentence, the moment you nod his lips are on yours, passionate. Hands threading through your hair as he holds your head gently. Holding you against him. His free hand around your waist, supporting you as much as he was supporting himself from falling apart at your touch. How he loved you, the smell of your hair so close to him now, the taste of your lips on his, the feeling of your soft delectable lips on his. How warm you were in his hands, how faint your breath on his face. He was in love. He was in Love.

As he pulls apart. He takes another deep breath. The way you left him literally breathless. Fuck. This was an excitement he never felt before. Never has a kiss left him feeling so...good? Never has a hug left him literally shaking with excitement. You were special and now you were his.

" You're so fucking perfect you know that?"

He laughs shakily. A hand rising, trembling as he lightly touches his lips. Still in disbelief. He loves you. Undeniably. Overwhelmingly. The storm of emotions he held for the past, who knows how long, now a summer breeze filling his chest with a warmth he doesn't remember ever feeling. He loves you.

[nightcolorz]

Armand could definitely 100% have prevented Claudia and Madeline’s death like obviously he is so full of shit 😭😭 he just chose not to. I dont think he was lying about being held captive, though. It seems more likely to me that he allowed himself to be imprisoned bcus the ultimate outcome would be desirable, rather then like, he was secretly orchestrating it all like a devious Master mind and was only pretending to be a prisoner to trick Louis. I think Armand was genuinely being imprisoned, but he could have easily escaped (as if the vampire Armand couldn’t win in a fight against Sam The Twink), and chose not to because it’s in his best interest for Claudia and Madeline to die 😭. While part of his betrayal I think comes from a comfort Armand takes in learned helplessness, where taking action feels less safe then leaning into victimhood, so armand chooses to accept helplessness rather then play the hero bcus helplessness is comforting, it was also definitely part “I want these two people to be gone from my life and this seems like a sure fire way to let it happen while I get to remain mostly blameless” 😭. Armand finds Claudia’s whole existence horrific and cruel. I don’t think he particularly likes or dislikes her as a person, he doesn’t seem to know her very well nor care to know her (he actually says this in tva lol), so I don’t think he considered letting her a die an act of spite.

Armand thought of Claudia as a suffering, rabid, sick and diseased animal that needed to be put down for its own well being. He considered her death an inevitable tragedy that “could not be prevented”, and bcus of his perspective on vampirism as a horrible curse that can only be spared through very specific very calculated and clean cut means, he wanted her death to come as quick and painlessly as possible. From Armand’s perspective, if he saved Claudia from death by execution, he’d only end up watching her excruciatingly loose her mind and self until she eventually killed herself or got put down by Armand or someone else Nicki style so that she wouldnt need to live in agony anymore.

Which, his whole perspective there is flawed, and fucked up, and dehumanizing of Claudia, but it makes sense why he would think that way. Armand considers vampirism to be always bad, regardless of the subject turned, and always smth he would hate to inflict on someone. So claudias turning, is not only cruel to Armand, but unforgivable and unsalvageable. He’s seen a lot of fucked up vampires in his time, a lot of botched turnings, and he knows from his experience how much of a toll vampirism takes on anyone, let alone someone in the body of a child. His whole “I will never turn someone into a vampire ever in my life” thing comes from this. So, of course he won’t save claudia from such a clean cut, blameless death 😭. He considers it an act of mercy, when he pictures the alternative as “Claudia clings to Madeline as she painfully looses her mind and eventually dies”. Which, comes into why he didn’t save Madeline either lol

Armand doesn’t particularly value life as smth to be worth preserving, he is very willing to view other ppl as commodities when it helps him. But he does value preserving peace and limiting other’s suffering (which is why he kills so gently). Armand is so horrified by Madeline being turned, partly bcus I think he saw himself in her. He sees a fledgling who he believes will inevitably loose her maker, the only person she rlly cares about, to horrible gruesome death, and he knows that once she experiences that her life as an immortal will be cruel and unbearable. So once she is turned, Armand sees another lost cause who will be better off if she is killed before it can get bad. What Armand misses when it comes to Claudia and Madeline, obviously, is that they r more resilient and self sufficient then he sees, and taking away their agency by deciding they have no hope and must die isn’t the mercy he sees it as but is actually like, fucked up and horrible. Armand is so blinded by his trauma fueled dog eat dog view of life as a vampire that he can’t see that.

I think the reason armand considers the perks of Claudia and Madeline’s death a priority over Louis’s happiness (and horrible grief that will ensue when his loved ones die), is bcus Armand considers Claudia and Madeline’s death an inevitable consequence of Louis’s unforgivably cruel actions. He doesn’t resent Louis for it I don’t think, but he definitely thinks that Louis will need to atone for what he’s done whether Armand wants him to or not. So, Armand is ok with Louis grieving (as long as it doesn’t turn to resentment of Armand), bcus it was ultimately inevitable, and comparatively less cruel then what he would have to witness alternatively. It’s a rip the Band aid off type of thing 😭😭

in conclusion uh Armand is bad but Armand has his reasons and Armand isn’t one dimensionally villainous, he has a ton of complex trauma induced reasons for the way he thinks, and his actions r more often then not coming from a warped view of “the kind thing to do” that comes from his lack of understanding of how kind the world actually is and can be (dog eat dog mindest etc), bcus of how horribly traumatized he is. thank u good night

[leikeliscomet]

Heartstopper's Aspec Representation Isn't For Me - And That's Okay (Mini Essay)

Spoilers for Series 3!

So I just finished series 3 and I feel conflicted. I don't hate Heartstopper at all. I think it's a very cute show. I'm happy queer baby gen z and gen alpha have something to see themselves in, I love how Tara, a darkskin Black lesbian girl is happy in her relationship. I'm happy Isaac makes my fellow aspecs happy. I'm happy Charlie tore Ben's singlet in series 2 and for once the victim/survivor is allowed to not forgive their assaulter. I like Heartstopper's little moments but I've felt like something was missing overall and now we're on the third season, I think I know what it is now. There's comments on BL and yaoi by Alice Oseman I don't fully agree with, some of the acting in the show could be a bit better I guess, most of the characters are comfortably in the British middle class and I am a grown adult now so my interest in school/teen dramas has dipped a little bit (but not you Waterloo Road ily <3). So to an extent, there were always gonna be limits on how much I enjoy this show, but nevertheless, I still think they're worth pointing out, especially if we're claiming Heartstopper for the next gen of queer rep. Because honestly having watched shows like Heartbreak High and Koisenu Futari plus being a massive Selah and the Spades fan, I feel a bit robbed in terms of quality.

Isaac still feels underdeveloped and for a show that's been going on for 3 series now this feels disappointing. Like obviously Nick and Charlie get all the screentime as they're the main characters. Tao and Elle got a lot more juicer storylines from s2, Tara and Darcy got more to work with this series even if it was rushed (oh I miss you long series 2010s shows), but Isaac still feels leaps behind everyone else. He didn't really get anything in series 1. In series 2 we saw him coming to terms with his identity which felt like a good starting point but I was still waiting for the 'big asexual plans' Alice Oseman promised and... nothing. I liked his comment about googling aromanticism to Charlie because the representation by PowerPoint style of aspec writing can get tired. I also liked his moment of feeling left out by his friends plus still wanting to know Nick and Charlie's tea, giving him sexual agency whilst aroace instead of feeding into infantilisation. But apart from that... nothing. I wanted to feel more moved by the aquarium scene, but it felt tacked on because whilst Isaac's upset was justified, Imogen just wanted to chat about gay fish, so Isaac came across as a little passive-aggressive instead of what was supposed to be his moment. Plus it feels a little backhanded how much effort series 1 went to in how big coming to terms with your identity is, plus the gorgeous way Isaac's aroace revelation was filmed in series 2 was filmed just to have him blurt it out in an aquarium and have barely any of his friends actually support him like he supported them. But life imitates art I guess. This whole season we've seen characters talking about university plans, gap years and going through the post-16 struggle. But what about Isaac? We never find out what uni he wants to go to or even if he wants to go. What subjects does he like? What job does he want post-school? What's his relationship like with his family? The people need to know! I always found it weird how Isaac was left out to the point where straight characters, whilst still bearing in mind that Tao x Elle is an interracial pairing between two POC and one of which is a trans girl and this is very rare and deserved representation too, had gotten more screentime than him. Imogen, Sahar, Mr Ajayi and Mr Farouk had all been introduced for bigger storylines but Isaac, despite being in the main group, still had to wait for his share. This series was such a huge moment for everyone but Isaac... again. And whilst I'm happy if everyone else is, I genuinely feel like we all deserve better.

Tori was given bigger moments this series and that was great because I was waiting for my introverted slurping sister to come through. Her concern and care for Charlie and jealousy of Nick were great plus with the introduction of Michael, it was all leading to the big reveal of Tori being ace, right? Right? Wrong, because this scene was cut from the ferris wheel moment and I have no idea why. Oseman confirmed it was because Tori's storyline will continue in s4 and she didn't want to rush it but like, what? Series 3, at least in my eyes, did an alright job at building up her coming out. And again, if Nick could get his bi awakening in a one series arc, why can't this asexual character then too? They also covered Darcy's non-binary transition and coming out in this series too so I don't know why there wasn't room for Tori apparently. There was plenty of room for an 'I'm asexual' within those 5 minutes. Waiting to develop her in series 4, which is yet to be confirmed and likely to be the show's last series so it will already have a lot to do with wrapping up the Nick x Charlie saga seems like a poor decision. This is the second time we've had to wait till next season for the aspec character's arc by the way.

I'd like to see some aroallo POVs on this but this season put a lot of emphasis on linking love and sex together and it felt a bit strange icl. Yes, they're linked socially/societally and it's great to have sex with someone you love and love someone you have sex with etc etc etc but the first 2 series made a point of separating the two by showing love without sex and how it was just as meaningful. Almost every time a character was sexually attracted to another e.g. calling them hot or started making out because they wanted to have sex in that given moment there would be a dialogue from one of them going 'it's okay we're in love 'it's normal you're in love' 'well that's what people in love do!' and these are all correct statements but like... we get it! You don't have to be head over heels in love to find someone sexually attractive or just want to have sex with them. It's okay if you're not in love too y'know? I'm not sure what that constant reassurance was for because depicting sex without love isn't as pearl clutchy as it seems when all parties are safe, consenting and comfortable, or, if you've ever had any knowledge about aro(allo) spaces tbf. Nick and Charlie are not aspec and are very much sexually attracted to each other so the conclusion of them having sex isn't surprising at all, especially when I already knew from tweets back in series 1 that Heartstopper the comic already had a storyline later on of the two having sex for the first time. Plus the other characters aren't aspec either so their sexual debuts are also unsurprising and deserved. Plus, I'm actually glad they included Tara and Darcy having sex because many 'sex positive' shows seem to leave out the lesbians. But for a show with an aroace creator and aspec characters, the depictions of romance and sex don't feel like they were written from an aspec lense or for an aspec audience. It's normal for people to be romantically and sexually attracted to each other and then date and have sex. But if you're aspec, you know this. We all know this. This is the mainstream and default depiction of human (hetero)sexuality. We're watching the queer shows to see something different from that. When romance without sex can only hinge on the characters being below the age of consent plus a supposed 'innocence' due to their young age and sex without love is non existent, plus when you factor in how there are no aroallo or alloace characters in the show with 'groundbreaking' aspec representation, it makes for a bit of a headscratcher. Heartstopper may be made by an aspec, has aspec characters and aspec fans, I don't consider it an aspec show. Bit sad, but it is what it is.

It's honestly strange how despite this fact, asexuality and aromanticism is barely mentioned in the main discourse about this show. Antis claim Oseman is a cishet woman despite being non-binary and aroace. They blame the sexlessness of the show on puritanism despite Oseman being aroace. There's constant arguments about how 'unrealistic' it is for teenagers to not have sex despite Isaac being a whole teenage aroace and how some people just didn't have sex in their teens... like aspecs. People are annoyed the show keeps giving Isaac aromantic and asexual storylines because it's 'not as important' and they 'don't care' as if he's not a main cast member and again, the creator is aroace! If you look at the promo pictures of the show, it has the main three pairings, Nick and Charlie, Tao and Elle and Tara and Darcy and no Isaac. Despite the fact it's supposed to be 'for' us and made by one of us, it's not. And a lot of non aspec queer fans watching the show don't see it for us despite being made by one of us either. And that's a real shame.

I'm fully aware Oseman knows about writing aroace characters from the book Loveless, which has an aroace MC. But I think Netflix choosing to adapt Heartstopper over Loveless was intentional. I think Netflix creating Isaac instead of Aled, a demi gay non-binary character from the og comic, was intentional. I think all the decisions Netlix made with Isaac and Tori are intentional, the same way bringing Yasmin Benoit to the Sex Education writers room to cut half of O's storylines was intentional. Netflix has fumbled the bag with asexual and aromantic representation several times now (Cash Piggot and Todd notwithstanding) so at this point, I'm not surprised anymore. Again, I'm happy for anyone who really likes Heartstopper, but I've finally accepted that it's not for me. And that's okay. When someone makes the predominantly aspec, slightly more grown, queer show with fully fleshed out arcs for its's asexual and/or aromantic characters or hits up Lovie Simone for the scrapped Selah and the Spades TV show, I know where I'll be.

We deserved our moments too. We deserve our Heartstopper.

[solidaritygaming-fanblog]

NEEED MORE from the liml jimmy and esmp joel au omgomgggg

heeheheheheh alright here u go... also im calling this au officially Tick of the Hourglass (until I find a better name). So welcome to the world baby tothau

LIML! JIMMY AND ESMP! JOEL:

I don't have much for them sadly. I think L!Jimmy is the happiest out of all the main cast, specifically because he buckles down and stays optimistic. He does have a couple moments where he breaks down, but he's able to recover. I can't decide wether or not for him to remember his final death, and to what degree (memories getting hazy and unrelaiable the closer to his death, clear up until the moment of impact, remembering tripping or going up there and nothing else). E!Joel is in a weird position- here's someone who looks like one of his friends, walks, talks, acts exactly like him- but isn't this worlds version of him. He is trying to find out how to get L!Jimmy back to his home, but at the same time want's him to stay. E!Jimmy lowkey hates him, and has been missing for a while (two weeks when L!Jimmy appears). This version of Jimmy is nice to him (like his version used to be) and loves his empire, and he feels guilty. He purposefully hinders himself from making progress on finding L!Jimmy a way home just so they can be together longer. He hides the existance of Tumble Town and the whole toy joke from L!Jimmy, and acitverly threatens anyone who trys to bring it up.

Ultimately, L!Jimmy finds one of the old dolls, and remarks on it looking like him. There's a bit of confrontation before Joel breaks down and tells him everything about E!Jimmy- the toy stuff, Tumble Town, how he's been missing. L!Jimmy is shocked, but after getting over, he immediately begins instructing E!Joel on how to repair their relationship once E!Jimmy is found/returns. Maybe E!Joel even takes L!Jimmy on a trip to Tumble Town (with copious amounts of disguising of course, the two Jimmy's look nearly identical which helps nothing) so he can understand E!Jimmy more.

ESMP! JIMMY AND LIML! JOEL:

Oh god. I can't even communicate the thoughts I have about them with words. Okay lets try

Both of them are extremely secretive about their pasts. All E!Jimmy knows is that L!Joel looks incredibly different (different eye color and streak color, different styles, different height) and that something happened to his Jimmy. Something maybe bad (doesn't know all the details) that made him burst out sobbing and tackle E!Jimmy into a hug when they first recovered from being tossed into the Twixt (what i'm calling the vanilla world they got marooned). And all L!Joel knows about E!Jimmy is that hes jumpy and very obivously traumatized. He doesn't like taking of his jacket (hiding any seams or articulated limbs) and has mentioned (a few times) someone or someones who made his life a living hell.

Eventually, after going on a rampage when E!Jimmy dies in front of him, E!Jimmy tells L!Joel that he want's to help him but can't if he doesn't know what happened. So L!Joel tells him all about Limited Life. Like everything. Even seeing L!Jimmy die and going crazy. E!Jimmy is shocked, but glad L!Joel told him, and actually avoids a few behavoirs after this (IE STANDING NEAR LARGE DROPS. JOEL'S HEAD NEARLY EXPLODED A FEW TIMES FROM STRESS)

It takes a couple days, but E!Jimmy (while checking some of L!Joel's wounds) finally tells him about Empires. He's really vague at first, just an overview like "oh, yeah, i got bullied and my body was literally transformed against my will", but L!Joel gets him cornered (idk in which way. physical or metaphoricaly) and makes him say everything. And boy does he say EVERYTHING. He breaks down sobbing (because no ones shown this level of caring for him in a bit) and tells him all about the toy stuff and his relationship with E!Joel. How he just wanted to be close to him and hoped that if he took the jokes, it would make them friends, but instead E!Joel just kept hurting him, and he couldn't ever fight back.

Long story short L!Joel gives multiple run downs to E!Jimmy on how to stand his ground and clearly draw his boundires. They're each others rock, each others constant only thing. It's incredibly adorable.

Woah that took me nearly an hour! I'm going to go make ramen and dumplings (its 1:30 am in my time zone rn). I hope this is enough lmao

[alonetimelover]

pairing: Harry Styles x tennis player!reader

summary: "Can't hear the haters when you're slaying"

tennis player!reader

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harryupdates

liked by ynupdates, harryshoee and 14 104 others

harryupdates Harry and YN were spotted in London yesterday! via emglishmanharry

view all 1 023 comments

ynupdates glad to see yn well rested before the big paris!!

harrysmoustache he looks SOOOOOO good, man

harryshoee they are such a handsome couple, i literally can't take it anymore

tennisfan01 walkover in Italy to have a longer vacation? very professional of her

tennisfan92 here you have an example of why she's losing so much lately

tennisfan101 choosing a boy instead of your job??? classy

ynhater professional player only in billboards

ynhater16 she's becoming more of a celebrity than a tennis player, you can now see what she's really after 💸

comments to this post have been disabled

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ynupdates

liked by harryupdates, ynsmybestie and 28 101 others

ynupdates I really don't know if I should write this... This photo is from YN's practice in Paris today. She broke down crying after multiple people from the audience kept calling her names, howling and disturbing. Those people were just a percentage of the ones that are actively judging her on the internet. And it is NOT okay. And it will never be. Some people should stay at home and keep shouting at their TV, leaving this lovely young woman to live HER life the way SHE wants to. She doesn't owe you anything. Treat her the way you'd like to be treated, with respect and kindness.

comments to this post have been limited

harryupdates couldn't have said it better

ynshands i hate those people, who do they think they are???

ynsmybestie i actually broke down crying with her, it was heartbreaking to see and hear

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harrysmoustache

liked by harryupdates, ynshands and 22 101 others

harrysmoustache after years of listening to Harry, i got to see him live. yes, this show was different. Yes, he was disappointed and angry. yes, he wasn't his usual bubbly smiley self. am I going to complain? no. he had a reason to be and its okay. I still listened to my favourite song (fine line) and forgot about my problems. thank you, harrystyles

view all 2 101 comments

harrynewfan hi, im a new fan and don't know what is happening in the fandom yet. could someone explain?

⤷ ynsmybestie harry is in a relationship with YN YSN. and right now, she is receiving a lot of hate because of losing tournaments and taking a break. its all over twitter (she's been trending for a week now)

ynupdates it seems that the situation really got to him. it's so sad to see

ynsmybestie i hope they are okay. i fear them breaking up, like man.... i can't think about it, imma cry

harryshoee did any of you miss what he said on stage???

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twitter

emily saw harry ♡ | harryno1fan

here's a thread of what harry said today concerning the outrageous comments about yn

1) "Your sign says: "I was bullied into changing myself. You helped me find the way back." First of all, you did it yourself because you are the strong individual. Secondly, I hope that those bullies learnt how to use their ability to communicate, right? This show is not a safe place for bullies, any bullies. Treat people with kindness."

11k comments | 34k shares | 74k likes

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emily saw harry ♡ | harryno1fan

2) Right before singing Fine Line: If I may have your attention, please! This song has been very special for a person close to me lately, and I'd like to dedicate it to her. Uhmm, sometimes when life gets hard and everyone seems to be against you, there - there is someone still for you, believing in you. This is for you."

10k comments | 32k shares | 70k likes

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emily saw harry ♡ | harryno1fan

3) After seeing the sign *are you coming to the Roland Garros?* "am I going? of course i am. my girlfriend is defending her title there. of course, I'm gonna be there! what a ridiculous question *laughing*. are you coming? you are. i hope to see you there. she loves the support even though she doesn't want to admit to it."

9k comments | 38k shares | 90k likes

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emily saw harry ♡ | harryno1fan

4) when there were five signs about yn next to each other: "did you coordinate that? no? you don't know each other! that's great! why are you writing signs about someone else on MY concert, hmm? I'm sorry, what? oh, you want to show your support. that's great. that's lovely. I think yn would love to see it. May I take a picture of you guys?"

and he did take a picture of them!!!!

14k comments | 40k shares | 80k likes

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harry LOT | harryupdates

this concert was very different and I think everyone needed it. harry made a clear statement: there is no place for hate and cruelty that people put YN through. and i thank him for that, really. what a great man.

4k comments | 6k shares | 3k likes

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yn my queen | ilovetennis

i am glad that Harry finally spoke up against it

1k comments | 654 shares | 2,1k likes

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ynupdates

liked by harryupdates, ynsmymama and 5 201 others

ynupdates YN via IG stories! thankfully the first round went easy and she's waiting for tomorrow's opponent. can't wait to see another match!

also, yes, i am disabling the comments because haters didn't learn anything.

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harryupdates

liked by ynupdates, tennismylife and 9 201 others

harryupdates HARRY posing for pictures tonight!

edit: the sign said "pose as if yn is taking a picture of you"

view all 2 201 comments

harryshoee this show is looking very promising and we're just few minutes in!!!!

hArrysbtch babes, he looks cuuuuuute

ynsmybestie im in love

yntennisqueen im beginning to like him

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twitter

seeing harry tonight | harryontour

"she's in paris, cause she's defending her Roland Garros title. and she's in the arena to define if I'm a better performer than Taylor Swift. baby, what's the verdict?"

when i tell you i screamed. sorry, screeched at him, i bet if he heard he would think I was possessed.

16k comments | 12k shares | 32k likes

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lily loves harry | lilyamazing

and then they showed yn screaming "you know im a swiftie!" i love this woman

3k comments | 1k shares | 12k likes

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seeing harry tonight | harryontour

the fucking update I have guys...

Harry: your sign says "have you listened to midnights?" have I listened to midnights?! who do you think I am? midnights? pfff. *after a little pause* yes. yes, I did. my girlfriend loooooves it.

and then he walked off singing: karma is my boyfriend, karma is a god, karma is the breeze in my hair on the weekend

I LOVE HIM

28k comments | 34k shares | 102k likes

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harry and tay | midnightsqueen

he's a karma stan, slay king!!!!

3k comments | 4k shares | 7k likes

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andrew is right | billhater

oh, so she's going to concerts the night before a match. no wonder she's losing so much.

14k comments | 8k shares | 1k likes

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ynupdates

liked by harrystyles, harryupdates and 47 291 others

ynupdates couldn't imagine having a better response to the haters. yn ysn everybody!

edit: what in the fuck is harry styles doing on my profile??? wtf is yn doing here as well???

view all 6 028 comments

harryupdates👏 this 👏 is 👏 how 👏 you do it 👏

harrystyles can't here the haters when you're slaying

⤷ yourinstagram oh god, harry xD

⤷ ynsmybestie wtf are you doing here guys????

⤷ harryupdates couldn't imagine my Friday going any better, my life is made, I can die happily

⤷ yourinstagram please don't, im going to sue harry if you do

ynsmymama this match was everything. she IS the leader

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harrystyles

liked by yourinstagram, ynupdates and 18 291 302 others

harrystyles #22 ❤️🎂

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yourinstagram

liked by harrystyles, taylorswift and 2 201 493 others

yourinstagram i don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22!

thank you for all the birthday wishes, i love you all ❤️

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harrystyles happy birthday, baby ❤️❤️

taylorswift and it looks good on you! Happy birthday, YN!

⤷ yourinstagram no way

⤷ yourinstagram thank you so much!!! i love you!!!

[meanbossart]

Ask Compilation: Advice, influences and Misc.

Apologies for taking so long on some of these, admittedly I'm much more likely to entirely forget about asks that are about me and my interests 💃 Thank you for all the questions regardless! And thank you specially to everyone who just drops nice messages into my inbox out of kindness.

I'm brazillian and a native portuguese speaker!

I'll probably return to twitter eventually, but a) I hate that place and b) It didn't make much sense to me to turn it into a BG3 account out of the blue. I am considering making an Instagram or a new twitter just to have more places where people can follow in case they don't care for tumblr, but it's just been a very busy year so far and so that's kind of low on the list of priorities. If I ever do that I'll be sure to announce it here. Have a nice day yourself!

Sorry to hear that! I've gotten a few messages before about this issue, and the problem is that since I am myself not from the US, my options are also limited :( a lot of patreon alternatives don't work for me because they either don't go through paypal, take insane currency conversion fees, or just straight up block me from signing up.

Speak for yourself, I just assume everyone I speak to online has committed some sort of atrocious crime until proven otherwise. Except for me - of course. I have never done anything bad in my life.

I still have a lot to learn! But I will basically use whatever works for me at the moment, as well as make a sincere effort to learn about musculature and anatomy so I can understand those components and how they move, instead of only knowing what they look like when still - that's how you get better at drawing from memory. Volume mostly comes from coloring and understanding light, which is it's own beast but can very much be learned from similar reference materials and observing it IRL!

My favorite places to get reference are medical diagrams, weird pictures I take of myself, 3D software (often Virt-a-mate) and questionably phrased image google searches.

My favorite artists are Jason Shawn Alexander and Sean Murphy, but I'm not sure how much of it reflects in my art nowadays! I generally seek to pick up techniques from artists rather than to emulate style.

Honestly I love that you guys generally do the thing he would hate the most: take him very non-seriously LOL

I've been in a real Chelsea Wolfe and Amyl And The Sniffers kick lately! But usually you'll also find me listening to stuff like Boy Harsher, Swans, FWF, JK Flesh Lingua Ignota, Nick Cave, David Bowie, and so on. Music for the weird gays, basically.

I went insane and wrote a 23-chapter-long-and-still-ongoing fic in like four months. But also - I'm not that good, I'm just shamelessly pretentious LOL

Hm. That's a good question, but I'm not really sure. Sincerely not trying to be a edgier-than-thou here (in fact, this has made me a little self conscious at one time or another) but a lot of art that I don't mean to be horror-y in nature at all has been associated with the genre. So perhaps I don't know what I'm doing either, LOL.

I think just leaning on making things look slightly "wrong" or "ugly" on purpose is the way, but I also find that if you just seek to depict people as they are instead of idealized versions of themselves, you will arrive at that either way.

Thank you for reading! Honestly, I'm guilty of having not read much at all since I was in my late teens, and the style I'm employing for ANE is very different from the things I would call "influential" for me, or even that I used to enjoy reading at all before. I read a lot of Chuck Palahniuk as a youth (and, no slight to people who do like him still, but nowadays I'm not sure why I ever did. His stories don't speak to me at all anymore) as well a lot of weird experimental lit that I didn't even care to remember the name of. My last book stint from one or two years ago was composed solely of historical and medical literature, and last year I got really into Cormac Mcarthy thanks to the internet.

So, all in all, I'm absolutely all over the place LOL if you put a gun to my head and told me to list my favorite books, I'd say The Indifferent Stars Above and Blood Meridian.

(Consider the reading portion of the question to have been answered above) I really really liked Beau is Afraid and think it's a really great "horror" movie. Sue me.

[subwonwooagenda]

Kyoya's Kitten | 3

Pairing: Kyoya Ootori X Fem!OC

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

This chapter will be smutty and this chapter will be long. I will include warnings.

Notes: I have created a taglist for this story, comment or dm if you’d like to join it! There is mild hinting about a triggering topic. Proceed with caution as you know your limits best. If I trigger anything, or offend anyone please let me know and I will edit it. Minors please don’t interact with my blog, If I find out you’re a minor you will be blocked.

Warnings: use of the word cock, touching, heavy make out sesh, CONSENT IS SEXY, Kyoya gets jacked off and does cum, Mira cums untouched.

I did have someone dm me about Mira, and I’m gonna leave them anonymous but I would like to say, please remember Mira is not the reader. She is an OC, she has her own personality and emotions as well as her own style. She is very touchy, very affectionate because that is how she is. It’s okay you’re not at all like her because she isn’t meant to be portrayed as you. Thank you for you feedback though, good or bad I appreciate it all.

MASTERLIST

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Mira woke up that morning as happy as could be. She couldn’t really give a reason for her bubbliness but she knew that it most likely had something to do with the events of the host clubs party they held a few days ago and the kiss she shared with Kyoya at the end of the night. Since then, the two have been almost inseparable, spending most club time with each other unless they were with their guests.

Her daydreams were interrupted by her sister knocking on her door, and peeking her head in, “Hey Mi, get ready we have school soon.” She reminded her, chuckling softly at the lovestruck look on her daydreaming sisters face. Mira snapped out of her memories, shaking her head a bit as she hurried to get dressed. She was so happy that Tamaki talked to his father about her not having to wear the female uniform. She hated to judge people or things but that dress was purely hideous on her. She chose a pretty royal blue romper, tying a white bow around her waist to show off her curves. She finished off the outfit with some pretty white wedges, quickly styling her hair and heading out of her room.

Her sister stood by the door, dressed in her uniform and waiting patiently for her sister. She smiled at the happy look on her face, it’s been a while since she saw it around anyone other than her and as much as it annoyed her she knew it was because of the boys in the host club. She took her sisters hand, lacing their fingers and making the walk to school.

TIME SKIP

Mira stood in a pretty maid outfit, her hair in pretty curls, right next to Tamaki and greeted the guests as they entered the school garden. Her usual trio of boys couldn’t make it to the club today so she decided to simply float around, spending time with each of the boys as well as her sister.

She currently sat on her knees next to Haruhi, all of them silently watching as Honey furiously stirred the tea he was making. She bit her lip as Mori leaned in, speaking softly in his ear. “Mitsukuni, you overdid it.” Honey froze, sitting up straight as his eyes started to water. The girls they were entertaining were quick to reassure him, Mira giggling softly as she stood. She pressed a kiss to Honey’s forehead, walking over to Kyoya.

She let a smile fall on her lips as he easily sold his silly photobooks to their clients. She walked over when he was no longer occupied, her hand reaching up to gently grab at his sleeve. He turned to her, giving a rare smile as he acknowledged her presence. Kyoya just couldn’t help but let the edges of his mouth quirk up at the mere sight of her. She leaned her head on his shoulder, watching as he wrote in his notebook. They stayed like that for a couple minutes before she noticed Tamaki in one of his emo modes next to them. Mira sighed, shaking her head with a fond smile as she walked over to him, kneeling down next to him, kissing his cheek and poking him softly to break him out of his emo mode. Tamaki looked up at her, giving her a soft smile before he remembered his dilemma.

“Say, Mommy dear?” He said softly to Kyoya, moving to lay his head on Mira’s lap. Mira sighed softly to herself as she played with the strands of Tamaki’s soft hair. Kyoya lifted his head, pausing the writing he was doing in his notebook, “What is it now, Daddy?” He asked him, the corners of his lips lifting ever so slightly as Miras soft giggle filled his ears. “I have a new theory. I mean, its just my hypothesis, but it seems that by being in the same class, Hikaru and Kaoru are able to spend more time together with Haruhi, then I get to here at the club. Kitten’s in our class so we spend the most time with her. This gives them a chance to get close to Haruhi, and if that happens…” Tamaki said, being interrupted by Kyoya. “Tamaki. You just now realized that?” He asked him, smirking slightly.

Kyoya turned to Tamaki, pointing at the random whiteboard that Mira never noticed before. Honestly, she realizes she should stop asking that many questions when it comes to her boys. “According to my research, in a single day, the twins spend roughly nine hours of class time with Haruhi. Meanwhile, your contact with her is limited to a couple of hours of club activities. In other words, your involvement in Haruhi’s life each day amounts to no more than a mere three percent. I’m so very sorry.” He said, a smug little smile on his face. Tamaki panicked, covering his ears with his hands like a child, “Ahh! I don’t wanna hear it. I don’t wanna hear it!” He quickly stood up, rushing over to Haruhi, Mira sighing as she turned to Kyoya, “You had to egg him on?” She asked him. He smiled and shrugged his shoulders. She shook her head as she heard Tamaki’s turmoil of trying to convince Haruhi to stay away from the twins.

She could help but laugh when Haruhi looked at her, clearly unamused by her senpais dramatics. She decided to help rescue her sister, walking over to them and gently pulling Tamaki away from her. “I don’t see why you’re in such a tizzy, Tama. She’s gonna be found out when the physical exams start.” She mentioned, very confused on how she was the only one to remember this. The twins agreed with her which seemed to snap Tamaki into action, “Physical Exams?..”

Haruhi tugged on her sisters skirt to gather her attention, “How’d you know about the physical exams?” She asked her, seeing as her sister was just as new as she was. Mira shrugged her shoulders, her eyes not leaving her boys as they continued with their theatrics on keeping Haruhi a secret, “I read the student handbook.” She said bluntly, not understanding that she’s probably the only student in the school who did. Mira couldn’t help but blush when Kyoya strolled over, her mind instantly filling with thoughts of him shirtless during his exam. She looked away quickly, not wanting to give herself away, not knowing Kyoya was having thoughts of his own.

“That’s right. I forgot all about it.” Kyoya said as he joined the boys, all of them looking right at Haruhi and Mira. Haruhi tilted her head a bit as she thought, “Then that means, there’s no doubt. They’re gonna know…I’m really a girl.” Mira startled a bit at the noises that left Tamaki, Kaoru, and Hikaru, a bit concerned about what exactly was going to happen if Haruhi had to leave the club, she loved the boys but she also couldn’t imagine staying with the boys without her sister.

After club hours, they found themselves back in the club room. Mira and Haruhi decided to go change in a separate room down the hall, needing a break from the craziness of the boys. Haruhi patiently waited for her sister, chuckling softly at the effort she put in. “You look pretty, Mi. Kyoya won’t know what to do with himself.” She teased her, laughing as Mira almost fell putting her wedges on, her face beet red, her laughter joining in with her sisters.

In the main club room, the boys were all watching Tamaki have his silly daydreams, waiting for the girls to show back up to the club room. Honey walked a bit closer to him, standing next to the twins, “He must be having a great daydream.” He said, ever the positive boy. Hikaru furrowed his brows, “I dunno. He’s kinda freaking me out.”

That seemed to snap Tamaki out of his dream, instantly turning to smirk at Hikaru, “Envious, Hikaru? This is all part of my strategy. While you’ve wasted time blinded by your jealousy, I’ve foreseen the outcome of this charade.” Tamaki turned his back to them, arms flailing out dramatically, “Ahh, this fanfiction is obviously a romantic school comedy. Haruhi and I are the main characters, so that means we are love interests.” Kyoya found himself thinking where he and Mira fit into this little fantasy in Tamaki’s mind. Hikaru and Kaoru looked at eachother before speaking up, “Yeah, then what are we?”

Tamaki turned to point at them “You boys…are the homosexual supporting cast.” He said, seemingly proud for the nonsense he was spewing. He drew a line in the floor, smiling proudly as he stood back, “So please make sure that you do not step across this line.” The twins looked annoyed, Kyoya shook his head while Honey and Mori looked at the line in confusion, “You gotta be kidding,” The twins said, “Listen boss, I don’t think you get it.”

Honey spoke up from in between them, “If word gets out that Haru-chan is really a girl, then she and Kitten-chan won’t be able to be in the host club anymore!” He said, all of them watching as Tamaki turned ghostly white at the mere thought of his girls leaving him. “But, if Haru-chan started wearing girls clothes, like Kitten-chan, I bet she’d be even cuter than she is now!” Honey said excitedly, trying to lift up Tamaki’s mood.

“She dressed like a normal girl when they were in middle school, right?” Hikaru stated, “They must have been pretty popular with all the boys.” Kyoya nodded from where he stood, ignoring the way his chest slightly tightened at the thought of Mira having attention from other guys, “Yeah. According to my investigative reports, someone would declare their undying love to Haruhi at least once a month. Kitten would be declared to almost biweekly.” He stated to them.

Kaoru put his finger to his chin, “Oh I see. So the boss wouldn’t even be able to get close to her,” he started, “But we’d be able to because we’re in the same class with her all day long!” Hikaru finished for his twin, both of them with mischievous smirks on their faces at their leaders troubles. “N-No way!..” Tamaki stuttered out, borderline in tears at the thought of Haruhi around those shady twins.

The boys were brought out of their conversation when the door opened, turning their heads to see the girls in question walking into the club room hand in hand. “Hey guys, sorry we’re so late coming back.” Haruhi started to say. Tamaki all but flew straight to Haruhi and Mira, grabbing Haruhi’s shoulder and Mira’s wrist as he leaned in close to them. “Don’t you worry Haruhi. We’re determined to keep your secret, no one will find out that you’re really a girl during tomorrow’s physical exams! So please, promise you’ll stay our beloved secret princesses?” He rushed out. Mira and Haruhi both blinked at him, confused but honestly not questioning his weird behavior, “Sure.” They told him. Mira wasn’t exactly a secret though so she was confused why she had to agree but what ever makes her Tama happy.

“You know what?” Hikaru started, looking at his brother, “I think both of us would be pretty peeved if we had to watch all the guys flirt with her.” Kaoru nodded his head, crossing his arms infront of his chest, “Then that settles it.” They said, turning to face yet another mysteriously placed white board. Mira shook her head with a sigh as she read the words ‘Operation: Conceal Haruhi’s Gender’ written across it.

Tamaki pointed at the white board, the boys standing at attention infront of him, “Listen up squad members! At tomorrow’s physical exams, position yourselves at formation A. And then, wait for your orders.” He instructed. “Yes, sir!” The twins saluted, Honey clapping excitedly at the mission. Haruhi and Mira were looking at eachother, trying to find out why they were so invested in keeping Haruhi’s gender a secret. Haruhi brought her fist up, tapping it into her other palm, “I got it!” She said, getting the boys attention, “You guys are worried cause if they find out I’m really a girl i can’t be a host and therefore we can’t repay our debt!” She stated, her sister nodding her head with what she was saying. Haruhi turned towards the window, her sister helping her calculate the remaining balance of their debt.

“Our balance is five million, three hundred and thirty three thousand, three hundred and thirty two yen.” She told her sister, checking if her math was correct. Once she concluded it was from Mira, they turned back to the boys, both girls putting their hands on their hips, “Well. Guess we’re going to have to come up with another way to pay you guys back.” Haruhi concluded, Mira nodding her head in  agreement, shrugging her shoulders as she fiddled with the bow on her waist. Both girls started laughing to themselves, not noticing the panic they’ve thrown their boys into.

Kyoya wouldn’t admit it, but he also felt a little panic, not wanting Mira to have to leave the club. The twins turned to Tamaki, “Do something! The subjects doesn’t appear to have any motivations!” They cried to him. Tamaki sighed, “Why’d we get stuck with such difficult heroines?” He asked himself, trying to think of a plan. He pointed at the girls, “Are you two saying that you hate being hosts?! That you hate this club?!” He questioned dramatically. Both girls thought about it. “To be honest, yes.” “Not really, I like it here.” They stated at the same time.

Mira’s answer calmed the boys down a little bit until they processed Haruhi’s answer. Tamaki turned ghostly white again, immediately finding his way to his emo corner to sulk. Mira, almost as an instinctual move, walked over to him. Tamaki leaned his head on her bare thigh as her hand ran through his hair, seeking out her comfort. Haruhi scratched the back of her neck at her sisters stern look, Mira trying to get the girl to have a little more sympathy. “I mean you guys aren’t bad, but if it gets out that I’m a girl there’s nothing we can do, you know?” She said, Mira nodding sheepishly from where she stood, still playing with Tamaki’s hair.

“They don’t seem to care one way or the other!” Hikaru said, “Well before we do anything else, we have to find a way to motivate them.” Kaoru finished for him. All boys stood thinking until Mori and Kyoya spoke up. “Fancy tuna.” Mori stated, Kyoya following along, “Cake pops.” Both girls’ eyes widened, Mira’s hand pausing in Tamaki’s hair. “Oh that’s right.” He started saying, turning to look at them both with the slyest look on his face, “You two didn’t get a chance to eat any during last chapters party. Did you?” Both girls looked at the boys shocked. Mira furrowed her brows, thinking to herself.

Would they really go so far as to blackmail us with something so ridiculous?

Yes. Yes they would.

“Did you hear that?” Hikaru ‘whispered’ to his twin, “She’s never eaten fancy tuna before.” Kaoru nodded his head, “And Kitten hasn’t had a cake pop in so long, isn’t that sad? Talk about a difficult childhood.” He said. Honey nodded, playing subtly with Usa-chan, “If only Haru-chan and Mimi-chan could stay in the host club, they’d have the chance to eat all sorts of yummy things whenever they wanted!” He said. Kyoya and Mori both nodded, a present smirk on Kyoya’s face as he locked eyes with Mira, who moved to her sister’s side, gripping her blazer tightly.

Haruhi waved them off, her voice shaky, “What are you talking about? Don’t be silly! Just cause we’re poor and I’ve never had it doesn’t mean we’re so gluttonous that we’d go one fooling everyone about my gender just to have the treats.” She said, trailing off. It was silent for a bit until Mira spoke up, a heavy blush on her cheeks at the shame of being bribed this easily, “…Are we really gonna get to eat them?” She asked softly. The boys instantly cheered at them, happy to have the girls along with the plan.

Mira walked over to Kyoya as they carried on explaining the plan to Haruhi. She gently gripped his blazer, blush still a little prominent on her face, “If you wanted me to stay so badly you could have asked.” She complained, still a bit embarrassed at having fallen to their blackmail so quickly. Kyoya smirked, “Trust me, Kitten. There is nowhere I’d be that I wouldn’t want you by my side.” He smooth talked her. The poor girl whined just loud enough for Kyoya to hear as she hid her face in his bicep, whining a little bit more at the sound of his soft chuckles.

“By the way, tomorrow I set aside a doctor for you to have your physical away from possible peeps. I will guide you there myself.” He told her. Mira smiled before deciding on what to stay, “And what of your peeping eyes?” She asked him, quiet enough so that just the two of them could hear. Kyoya stopped writing in his notebook, giving her his full attention. “Are you telling me you want my eyes on you, Kitten?” He asked. The corner of her mouth irked upwards a bit as she looked up to meet his eyes, “I always want your eyes on me. In any way I can have them.” She whispered to him before she turned her back to him, walking back over to her sister. Kyoya gave a subtle clear of his throat, shifting his stance a bit as he calmed his slowly increasing problem. He shook his head as he watched her walk away, his eyes tracing every inch of her stature. ‘Such a little minx.’ He thought to himself going back to writing what he was before.

The next morning

Mira, adorned in a sleeveless baby blue turtleneck, white jeans and baby blue flats, was in class with Tamaki and Kyoya. She sat on Tamaki’s desk, humming to herself as she made little paper cranes for him as he talked with Kyoya, whose hand has been rubbing up and down her calf gently. They all quieted down when a faculty member’s voice came across the speakers, “We will begin physical examinations shortly. All students please proceed to the clinic in your respective school building.” Mira sighed as the two boys stood. Tamaki thanked her for the cranes, kissing her cheek before helping her off his desk. She smiled at her boys as both of them linked an arm with one of hers, joining their fellow students in the hallways.

“How do you think your little mission is gonna go, Tama?” She asked him. She wasn’t really paying attention to them when they explained the roles and whatnot, so she didn’t know what it all entailed. Tamaki smiled at her, “Oh just you watch Kitten, it’ll be a grand scheme!” He announced, smiling to himself as she laughed.

They reached the clinic, Tamaki leaving the two to go set up whatever he had to set up. Kyoya tugged her gently, “Are you ready?” He asked her softly. She smiled up at him and nodded, wanting to get her physical over with before her sisters class joined them. She opened up to Kyoya a bit on their walk into class that morning about why she appreciated his private doctor so much. She’s never been a big fan of doctors due to a traumatic experience with a male doctor when she was a little bit younger. “Will you stay close?” She asked him. Kyoya nodded, “As close as they’ll allow me, Kitten.” She sighed softly, nodding her head as Kyoya took her hand and led her to a more private area. He opened a separate door that led into an office, nodding his greeting to the female doctor waiting for them. “Mira this is Dr. Yamaguchi, she is from one of my families many hospitals.” He introduced them.

Mira felt a little better that it was a female, her nerves slowly disappearing. The doctor smiled gently at Mira, moving to shake her hand, “Pleasure to meet you, dear. If you will, please disrobe yourself behind that curtain.” She instructed. “Is it alright if Kyoya stays?” Mira asked the doctor, both Kyoya and her looking at Mira a little shocked. Mira was battling with herself all morning on if she should ask, but she felt a lot better with him near her, and he wouldn’t see much seeing as she would be in a bath robe for modesty. The doctor nodded her head, “If it makes you comfortable, of course.” She said with a smile before turning to prep what she needed to.

Mira looked up at Kyoya, silently asking him if he’d stay with her. He gently squeezed her hand and nodded his head before closing the door, letting her know he wasn’t leaving anytime soon. She gave him one of her precious close eyed smiles before accepting the bathrobe from the doctor, moving behind the curtain to change out of her current outfit.

Kyoya was thankful he was great at keeping his true feelings masked. This girl was spinning his head like a tea cup ride. He clasped his hands together in his lap, his thoughts running wild at the thought that she was completely nude less than ten feet away from him. The satisfaction he felt that she wanted him there, she wanted him to be so close because it made her feel safer fueled his ego so much. He was lucky the doctor was here, not knowing for certain if he had enough restraint to not indulge in his sinful thoughts. All it took was one breeze of the curtain and he would see her. From her head, to her large breasts, perfect for cupping, down her plush stomach to her full ass and thighs. He would lose his absolute mind if he ever got to see her in such a manner.

Mira wasn’t faring any better behind the curtain. As she stripped her clothes she willed herself to calm down, to erase the thoughts of him pulling away the curtain to descend upon her vulnerable form. She wanted his eyes on her, she wanted his hands on her, his mouth, every part of him she wanted to have in contact with herself. She cursed her lewd brain, feeling embarrassed that she was having these thoughts with him in the same room. With a stranger in the room, it helped her calm down and by the time she tied the bathrobe and neatly folded her clothes she willed her racing heart to slow its pace.

Dr. Yamaguchi smiled at her as the curtain opened. Once Mira put her clothes on the chair next to Kyoya, the doctor helped her sit up on the examination table, being kind enough to explain everything she was going to do. Mira felt her hands shaking a bit, still on edge around a doctor. Kyoya took notice and silently stood, walking over to her and lacing his fingers with hers. She smiled gratefully at him, squeezing his hand.

“Alright, Ms. Fujioka, I’m simply going to listen to your heartbeat, so if you will when I say so take a deep breath for me.” The doctor instructed. She lifted the end of the stethoscope, pulling away the edges of Mira’s bathrobe to place the cold metal against her warm skin above her heart.

Kyoya swore his heart stopped. From where he stood, being taller than Mira’s sat form, he got a perfect glimpse of the top of her breast, the bathrobe stopping just short of exposing her nipple to the air. He swallowed his spit his hand unconsciously squeezing Mira’s again. She looked up at him, thinking he was trying to get her attention when she took notice of his state. If she was honest with herself, it gave her such a confidence boost that someone as powerful and contained as Kyoya Ootori looked ready to devour her by the mere sight of her bare skin.

When the doctor was finished with her physical, the more intimate aspects being done with Kyoya facing the wall, he helped her hop off of the table, his hands feeling at home around the subtle rolls of her waist. The doctor told her she was in perfect health, easing a bit of her worries. She shook hands with Mira and nodded farewell to Kyoya before taking her leave to give the results to the school for documentation. “Well, all that’s left is to get dressed so we can meet with Tamaki and see his silly plan to action.” He told her. Mira nodded, turning her back to go retrieve her clothes. She was being oddly quiet, her mind running up and down on if what she was about to offer was a good idea.

Kyoya turned and moved to leave the room, “I’ll wait outside for you to change. I’ll be right out the door.” He said, stopping immediately as her soft voice spoke the words he so desperately had been wanting to hear. “Or…you could stay here. Just incase I need you.” She said, voice barely above a whisper.

Kyoya liked to think of himself as a gentlemen but he felt no worse than the sleaziest men when he immediately turned to face her. “You want me to stay?” He asked as he slowly stalked closer to her, “Think of what you’re asking, Mira.” He said, foregoing the use of her nickname to relay the severity of her ask. She felt her breath shake as he stood toe to toe with her, her eyes locked up at his. “I know what I’m asking. I know what I’m setting into stone with this.” She told him. “If I have read the signs wrong you may leave the room and we can forget it ever happened, but I like to hope that every sign I’ve given you in the last 45 minutes had been mutual.” She told him.

Kyoya felt his heart soar at her words. Both of them seeking the consent they needed to understand that while this would change them, it is a change they were both welcoming. Kyoya decided to not talk, to let his actions relay his answer for her. He reached his hand up, fingertips brushing against her upper thigh as he stopped it just above the sash that held her robe together. Mira nodded her head at him, the final expression he needed to know that she wanted this. He slowly untied the bow she tied it into, his breath picking up as the sash fell apart. He lifted his hand up, gently cupping her cheek, their eyes staying locked on one another as his other hand moved to her shoulder, slowly sliding the fabric off her shoulder, his ears picking up on the soft sound of the robe hitting the floor.

He let his eyes move down, a deep sound of want leaving his throat as he looked at her body. His hand moved from her shoulder to rest on her ribcage, just below her breast, his thumb running over the warm skin. His thumb brushed over her nipple as his eyes made it down to the spot he so desired. She was well groomed, obviously maintaining her hygiene as much as she maintained her appearance. He felt his mouth practically water at the sight of her core hidden away as she squeezed her thighs together.

His eyes snapped up to hers when the smallest, quietest moan left her lips, his thumb gently gliding up and down over her nipple. At that moment Kyoya’s resolve snapped. He pressed her up against the examination table, his lips instantly finding hers as he kissed her. His arm wrapping around her bare waist, holding her body close to his. He lifted her up, setting her onto the table, her legs easily parting to make room for him.

Mira felt she could fall apart, her hands found their place at the base of his hair, tugging gently at the strands on the back of his neck as they kissed. Kyoya devoured her sounds, wanting to keep them to himself for the time being. Mira could barely think straight as she tried to squeeze her thighs together yet again, trying to assist the tingle of want that ran through her body, pooling at her core. She knew she wasn’t ready to fully have sex with him but for what she had of him at the moment, she was content.

Kyoya was in the same boat. He pressed his growing erection up against her thigh, groaning into her mouth as they pulled away from their kiss, their foreheads resting against one another. “You’re beautiful.” He whispered to her, his hand grasping the back of her neck to make her look up at him. Her eyes met his and she felt herself wanting to cry at the genuine way he looked at her. So full of adoration. So full of want. He knew she wasn’t ready at all to fully indulge himself, and the last thing he wanted to do was disrespect her. But god, he needed to release himself.

As if she knew if his inner battle, she let her hand move to the waistband of his slacks, her thumb dipping beneath it dangerously, “I don’t know if I want you to have me yet…but I wish to help you.” She told him. He pressed a soft kiss to her lips, “As much as I would love that, please understand you don’t have to.” He assured her, it wouldn’t be the first time he helped himself to the thought of her. She kept eye contact with him as she made her decision, slipping her hand into his pants to wrap her fingers around the hard length hidden behind his boxers.

Kyoya let out a moan, his head falling to her shoulder the hand that wasn’t holding her thigh on his hip slapping onto the metal table, caging her into him. He didn’t think he could remember a time he felt this good. He took his hand off her thigh, pride sweeping in him as she kept it where it was, and tugged his pants down just below his boxers, his hips moving up into her hand. He gently sucked on her bare shoulder, muffling his pleasure as best he could.

Mira felt like she was on cloud nine. Being a virgin, she never did this sort of thing with anyone but with Kyoya, it just felt right. “I wanna see you..” she whispered, wanting to watch him fall apart at her touch. “Yeah?” Kyoya asked, his lips moving from her shoulder to her neck, still thrusting gently up into her hand. She nodded against his head, whining softly as his lips left her skin to stand fully. Kyoya knew they didn’t have a lot of time before a certain blonde would hunt them down so he wasted no time.

He watched the ways her eyes shined and widened at the sight of his cock. He thought her hand looked beautiful wrapped around his length, shyly stroking up and down his arousal. “I do hate to rush you but we have a certain impatient king around here that would barge in here at any moments notice.” He told her, a smile on his lips as she laughed softly, nodding as she sped up her movements. Kyoya went back to the crook of her neck, moans absorbing into her skin.

Mira was mesmerized. She has seen a man before but she never knew they could look so…pretty. She felt so confident, knowing it was her who was bringing him that pleasure. It was her he wanted so close. She gasped softly, biting her moans back as she felt Kyoya’s mouth wrap around her nipple. Her wrist sped up, the slick of his precum easily helping her glide. “You’re doing so good, darling. So good for me.” He told her, sucking gently on her breast. She wanted more. She wanted to be good for him, to make him feel good.

Kyoya was so close. He knew he wouldn’t last long, not with how she made him feel. He could feel her body reacting to him in the best way possible. He wanted her to know he didn’t have to touch her to make her unravel. “Just like that.” He instructed as he stood up fully, his eyes locking onto hers as his hand continued to assault her nipples. Her sensitivity and the cold room making them so perked up, so easy to flick around and abuse. His other hand wrapped around her hand on his cock, moving her a little bit faster, helping her bring himself to the edge.

Their foreheads stayed pressed together as they continued to pleasure eachother. Kyoya’s hushed dirty words reaching into her soul to bend her at his will. “You’re gonna make me cum, huh? Gonna have me fall apart at your touch.” Mira nodded at his words, her hips subtly moving to try and release the pressure building up inside her. Kyoya let go of her wrist as he felt that bubble quickly fill inside him, “If you don’t want me covering your hand in my cum, I suggest you stop.” He warned her. His eyes widened slightly as she sped up her movements, wrapping her legs around his waist to tug his pelvis closer to hers, the tip of his cock brushing against her lower stomach.

“I want to feel it, I wanna feel you let go as I let go. Bring me there Kyoya.” She said to him, moaning a little louder as he kissed her one last time, his fingers continuing their assault on her breasts as they both felt their pleasure peak. Kyoya came with a deep groan, keeping her hand still on his cock as he released, his warm load landing on her tummy, painting her skin with milky ropes. At the same time, Mira felt her rope snap, her back arching so perfectly as she let go, coming undone by just the touch of his hands on her chest, her thighs shaking slightly.

“That’s it..that’s a good girl, looking so beautiful coming apart for me.” Kyoya mumbled to her. They both remained in their place, not wanting to let eachother go yet. They crossed a one way bridge that had no return. They didn’t seem to want to go back, both of them wanting to run further down that bridge until they can’t run anymore.

Kyoya stood up fully, looking down at the mess he made of her body, he leaned over, grabbing a box of wipes, gently cleaning her up, soft kisses being pressed against her upper body. When she finally brought herself back with the help of his gentle words and praises, she looked up at him. Both of them silently speaking with their eyes, both understanding that this wasn’t a one time deal, they were falling. And they were falling fast.

Kyoya helped her off the table, helping her get dressed and presentable. Thankfully for both, he never went hard enough to mark her up. Once they dressed and calmed their bodies down, Kyoya checked the time. They were away for almost an hour, which means their classes physicals would be done and Haruhi’s would begin. “We should go find Tamaki.” He told her, smiling as he watched her lean on him to slip her flats back on, coming her hair neat with her fingers. “Do you think anyone heard us?” Mira asked as they opened the door, flushing slightly at the thought. They both observed their fellow students, no one standing out to be looking at them. “I think we’re clear. Now let’s go help that fool with his stupid idea.” He grumbled, smiling to himself at Mira’s laughter.

They searched around until they found Tamaki, the boy not even questioning their disappearance. As they waited for a bit, the doors opened and the first years entered the hall. Mira waved at her sister who looked entirely out of her element. She squeezed Kyoya’s hand before walking over to her sister who quickly latched onto her. “I hate all these damn rich people.” She growled, tugging Mira along after the nurse as she giggled. Both girls sweat dropped as they walked by Honey and Mori, dressed up as doctors. “Honey-senpai? Mori-senpai?” Haruhi asked. Mira sighed as they shushed them and she shook her head fondly, “You’re so obvious..” Mira mumbled.

Kyoya walked up next to the girls, his hand finding Mira’s back immediately, “I’ve got those two on standby just incase something happens.” He tells them. “Why are they in doctor disguises?” Haruhi asked, Mira nodding along to her question. She doesn’t know if she’s ever been so confused by her boys. “They’re just helping to set the mood. Disguises help make our operation feel like a real espionage mission.” He said, causing Mira to laugh softly.

She zoned out a bit as Kyoya and her sister talked, giggling as she waved to the younger kids who shyly whispered about her beauty and her academic achievements. She was brought back to her senses when a man bumped into her, causing her to stumble a bit until Kyoya steadied her, frowning at the man. “I’m terribly sorry.” He said to them before rushing away again. “No problem!” She told him with a smile, not noticing the way Kyoya looked at the man confused. “Kitten?” He said. Mira looked up at him, humming softly. “I want you to stay close with Haruhi. Okay?” He asked her, having an off feeling in his gut about something. She nodded, noticing he wasn’t playing around. She slipped her hand into his, “Are you okay?” She asked. He nodded, pressing a kiss to her head, “Just fine, darling.”

She nodded and moved to be closer to her sister, liking arms with Haruhi as they both watched in mild shock at the girls screaming for the twins who just did their brotherly love. “See girls? A rather impressive turn out today. Physical exam day is quite popular with the ladies.” He told them. “What’s wrong with the girls at this school?” Haruhi mumbled, slumping into her sister who seemed highly amused by her suffering. Mira yelped as Haruhi was whisked away, being pushed by Honey and Mori, who carried her along. She sighed, knowing there’s not much she can do about this, relaxing in Mori’s hold until he put her down.

“Mr. Fujioka, it’s time for us to take your chest measurements. Once you finish disrobing, would you please come with me?” The nurse asked. Mira stood a little nervous as the boys minus Tamaki stood behind her.

Speaking of, where is Tamaki?

She thought to herself. “Mr. Fujioka, are you ready to be measured now?” The nurse asked. Mira moved her eyes over the crowd of anxious girls to try to find Tamaki. She got her answer when the curtain pulled back to reveal her friend in a brown wig. “Yes. I’m Haruhi Fujioka.” Mira pressed her lips together, trying her best not to bust out in laughter. It was silent until some girls spoke up, “Wait..that’s Tamaki?” “There’s no denying it that’s definitely him.” “Is he cosplaying as Haruhi or something?” They wondered.

Mira finally broke as the twins doubled over, quickly spinning herself around so Tamaki couldn’t see her laughing. “I can’t believe he actually did it!” Hikaru laughed, “They recognized him, I told you they’d see right through it!” Kaoru said. Tamaki growled, snatching the wig off and running over to the twins. “You jerks! You said there was no way the girls would know it was me!” He yelled at them. “It’s payback for calling us the homosexual supporting cast.” Hikaru laughed.

Mira took this time to go comfort her sister who was less than pleased. She squatted down. Rubbing her sisters back as she seethed. Tamaki peeked into the room, “I’m sorry, they figured it out.” He said sheepishly. Haruhi turned and glared at him, causing him to scream in terror. Haruhi sighed and leaned into her sister, less angry but now just annoyed with the boys. Mira sat there smiling softly as she hugged her sister close, turning to face the sound of footsteps revealing Kyoya who gently touched Haruhi’s shoulder.

“Haruhi, ready? I went ahead and set up a separate room for you, a special boys clinic, and I have a doctor standing by sworn to secrecy similar to your sisters physical.” He told them. The twins rolled their eyes at them, “it turns out the doctors here are all on staff at one of Kyoya-senpais families hospitals.” Hikaru said, “Would have been nice if he had said something sooner.” Kaoru finished as they both shrugged. Kyoya smirked as he helped the girls up, his hand finding purchase on Mira’s hip, “I had to get my revenge too. I’m sorry, I just don’t think I’m supporting cast. Homosexual or otherwise.” He said. Mira giggled as she shook her head at him. “Such a sneak.” She said taking a peek at the girls aweing over Tamaki’s state of dismay.

Haruhi and her sister walked a little ways away to the special boys clinic Kyoya set up. “So you wanna spill what you and Kyoya did to have you each clinging to eachother?” Haruhi asked her as they walked. Mira sighed, knowing she would have to tell her sister sooner rather than later. So she confessed what they did. Haruhi wasn’t upset with her, just concerned. Mira wasn’t the most trusting and the last thing Haruhi would want is for her to let someone in just to get hurt in the end. She squeezed her sister’s hand, “As long as you’re happy and he’s treating you well, then I’m happy. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you this way, and even if it’s caused by stupid rich people, I’m happy cause I love you.” Haruhi told her. Mira smiled and hugged Haruhi tight, “Thank you, I love you, Haru.”

They finished talking as they reached the room, knocking softly as they entered. “Hello, mister and miss Fujioka. I’ve been made aware of your situation, if you wouldn’t mind disrobing for me over behind that curtain. “Sure.” Haruhi said, bringing her sister into the room too.

Back at the clinic

“I’m telling the truth!” A girl cried. Kyoya, Honey and Mori turned once they heard her. “One of the doctors grabbed me by my shoulder. He tried to make a pass at me! I’ve never been so scared.” She said, being comforted by a nurse.

��I had a feeling this might happen.” Kyoya said as the twins and Tamaki joined them. “What do you mean?” Honey asked him. “A bit earlier today, Kitten and I saw a strange man, wearing a lab coat but clearly not one our hospitals doctors and I thought he was a little odd.” The twins deadpanned at him, “Shouldn’t you have said something sooner?” They asked him. Kyoya shrugged, “Well it’s no big deal, I’m sure the security guard will catch him.” He told them before they listened to the wailing girl again. “Did you see where the pervert doctor went?” Security asked her, “Yes, sir. He ran off towards the special boys clinic.” She told them. The boys immediately went rigid, running off in the direction of Haruhi and Mira, fear running through them all.

Back with the girls, they conversed softly as Haruhi undressed. She slipped her button up off, Mira helping her fold it neatly, knowing her sister would just drop it on the floor. Mira went stone cold at the sound of the curtain drawing, gasping softly at the man who entered where they were. “Excuse me.” Haruhi said, Mira helping cover her from his view. The man gasped, rushing towards them and covered both their mouths. “It’s not what you think, please just keep quiet.” He begged.

“Haruhi! Mira!” Tamaki yelled, “Tama-chan kick!” He yelled, kicking the man in the face, sending him into the wall. Mira held her sister close, both in awe at what he just did. “One.” The twins said, “Good looks that attract the public eye.” Kyoya stepped behind Mira, wrapping an arm around her waist. “Two. More wrath than you can imagine.” Honey and Mori joined them, “Three. A chivalry that will never be able to overlook,” Mori started, “The hideous wickedness of this world.” Honey finished. Mira noticed how serious they looked, feeling chills run up her spine. Tamaki draped his button up over Haruhi, shielding her body, “That’s what makes up the Ouran host club.” He said. “We’re here. Watch out.” They finished, sending the man into a fit a fear.

“Please don’t hurt me, spare me my life!” He begged as he bowed to them. Mira shook her head, her boys were so weird. She stood with the boys as the man told them his life story. She felt sympathy, having your wife and daughter leave you for your addictions was troubling, and a burden she wouldn’t wish upon anyone. “I know I’m terrible at managing our money, and I can’t say no to anyone. I don’t blame them for being tired of constantly living in debt.” The doctor said, hanging his head in shame, “But I wanted to see my daughter one more time, so I came here. After being pelted by rain and wandering the streets I made it to your school. When I entered I was mistaken for a doctor here to examine students.” Mira sighed, “Well of course you’re wearing a lab coat.” She mumbled as the twins said it loudly.

“And then it happened. When I tried asking a girl about my daughter she started screaming and before I knew it there were all sorts of people chasing me!” He cried, Tamaki immediately sobbing with him, “That’s so sad!” He wailed along with him. “Dr. Yabu, I think you may have the wrong place. Are you looking for Ouran public school?” Kyoya asked him. The doctor nodded, “Yeah, that’s right.” Kyoya nodded, “I figured that might be the case. This is Ouran Academy, a private institution, your daughter doesn’t go to school here.” He bluntly stated. Mira gently hit his chest, “Be a little nicer Kyo, he’s hurting.” She whispered to him.

The twins immediately started berating the poor man. “That’s pretty sad. You don’t even know what school your daughter goes to?” Hikaru started, “I bet your relationship is messed up because you don’t pay enough attention to her, not because of some stupid debt.” Kaoru said. Honey smiled up at Kyoya, “Wow, Kyo-chan! I’m impressed you figured out he had the wrong school.” He smiled. Kyoya shrugged, “Well there’s no way the daughter of such a small time doctor would ever be able to get into Ouran academy.” He bluntly stated. Mira and Haruhi both looked at him, Mira yet again hitting his chest.

“Kyoya.” Tamaki said, bringing the attention back to him, “Would you please find a map of all the public schools in the area? I’d like to help this man find his daughter.” He said sincerely. Mira smiled softly as Kyoya agreed. Thats the thing she loved about Tamaki, even with his childish nature, he always put the welfare and hopes of others before himself. A selfless man. She loves and respects him so much for it.

Mira checked on Haruhi, making sure she was alright before hugging her close. They all watched and waved as the man bowed in thanks before walking off to continue his search for his daughter. “Are you sure about this?” Hikaru asked, “After all, even if he does find her, there’s no guarantee she’ll want to talk to him.” Kaoru said. Tamaki sighed, “Well then, that’s something he’ll have to find out for himself.” They watched for a bit until Haruhi spoke up, “I’m sorry about this you guys, but could you please leave?” She asked. Mira laughed softly, resting her head on her sister’s shoulder as the boys gasped, “Haruhi? You’re not still angry with me are you? You two aren’t thinking of quitting the host club are you?!” Tamaki asked dramatically.

Both girls laughed and shook their heads, “Don’t be stupid, senpai, I’ve just gotta finish my physical exam. As a male student of course.” Haruhi said to them. “And we’re not doing this cause you’re bribing us with food. We’re doing it to pay back our debt.” She stated. Mira found she enjoyed the smiles the boys gave them. She locked eyes with Kyoya, their smiles meaning a little more to eachother than anyone else’s. She jumped slightly as Haruhi was tackled into a hug by Tamaki, the room erupting into chaos. “You’re so cute Haruhi! I can see right through you, I know you’re just after that fancy tuna!” He gushed. “Cut it out! Ahh, don’t touch me there!” Haruhi yelled at him. Mira sighed for the millionth time, trying to tug him off her sister. “Red card!” The twins yelled, “Looks like Tamaki-senpai is the real pervert.” Mira giggled happily as she kept tugging, Tamaki not budging a bit until her sister yelled at them all, “Who cares, would you guys just get out of here?!”

Mira decided then and there that she wouldn’t trade her boys in for anything or anyone in the world, and after a long time, she’s letting her heart tug more and more people closer. Who knows how it’ll end for her.

Taglist: @justaproudslytherpuff @obeythemasters

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[lemon-wedges]

Hello!!! I love your art and your style. I'd love to hear your inspirations behind how you draw and, in addition, hear a bit about your painting process (I love the impressionistic look your paintings have)

ahh!!! thank you so much ;u;

Ill tried my best to break down my thought process behind my drawing, so i hope this all makes sense aahaha

undercut cause it came out real long

SO Karl Gnass is an instructor that i took an anatomy class with. and who broke down anatomy in a way that really helped me grasp space. like space a figure occupies. and from that i think my characters feel a bit more...grounded? im not sure what the right word would be but tangible is something people sometimes say about my art.

And i do think when youre able to make a figure look like its really wrapping its hands around something it makes character interactions a lot more intimate.

heres a few under sketches i do when i start a drawing (i am trying REALLY hard not to use my nsfw ones tho those are pretty perfect when it comes to showing u anatomy RIP)

after i got the poses done ill turn down the opacity and rough sketch out details on top of these. and once THATS done i move onto lineart. and the most important aspect of this step is NOT TO TRACE YOUR UNDER DRAWING!!!! thats what sucks the life out of your work!!!!

instead you use your undersketch as a guide. ilI actually redraw the simple anatomy underneath very lightly, erase where they over lap and then add line weight variety + darken up the details.

examples of this are gonna look a little messy but. Left is the original pose i drew out with rough details. right is the drawing i do on top of it. you'll see theyre not one to one and theres some lines i didnt fully erase out when redoing the anatomy. i find my clean up has a lot more energy when i do this.

the thing about my style is that you'll notice i never actually do actual clean smooth lineart. and thats because i HATE DOING THAT SHIT. like i did learn how to do it and consistently forced myself to do it for over a year. and while i do think i learned a lot about line weight and drawing clearer. i realized? its just not for me. I like a textured brush and i like being able to see those small lines i didnt get to fully erase out because i think they look cool lol and thats ok!! do what you want forever man!!! its your art!!!

Also before i move onto painting ill show you this neat little trick. you know those more "loose" drawings of mine that feel more gestural? the begining process is exactly the same. the difference is i use a chunkier pen and try to see how much i can simplify details + just feel out the energy of lines

NOW PAINTING.

man. where to even start.

the thing about painting is that its an entire different set of skills that need to each be honed on their own and will slowly build up together. ill break it down like this.

VALUE, COLOR, and TECHNIQUE

I've said this on another ask before but you'll notice ill do a lot of black and white sketches. and i do that to practice choosing how to group values.

like this example. how light is laios' wolf coat compared to his skin? or kabrus skin color compard to laios coat. when do you want to really push the contrast of light and dark and when do you let values be closer to each other when you DONT want attention

the next step from this is adding a light source.

and when you're working in black and white its a lot easier to pay more attention where you want your light/how its gonna look like hitting youre characters and how far youre gonna push your shadows.

and you know if you get good at this you can play with limited color palletes

this is literally just be picking out blues and hitting the bottom with the gradient tool to light it up

NOW COLOR

is a lot harder and also very subjective. I do a ton of impressionist studies where i just color pick the fuck out of a piece to see what colors masters used + knowing the history of paint and what colors were available during that time period. +knowing what colors = what mood + knowing what colors to use when you want to be more realistic vs when you want to lean into more stylized+ what colors YOU specially incline towards + AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

its a lot and im actually still learning myself

But when i do a painting i collect a LOT of refrences of the kind of mood i want my own painting to feeling like. I've show the first example in another ask before but heres one from my latest labru too

WHen i actually start a painting tho they look like this. The top drawings are just flat colors with a simple outline of where i want the light to be hitting. like in my value studies im just trying to get the idea down, seeing what values need to be darker vs what is lighter. and how the light source covers the character.

figuring this out in the begining makes the rest of the painting so much easier because youve essentially made all the big compostion decisions NOW. from here you can start playing with colors.

my second stage, youll see with drawings at the bottom, is when i start using my texture brush to lay in extra shadows and just play with variety.

and then? i start rendering

that would be TECHNIQUE

And well....thats also something thats gonna be very subjective.

With my own style im not interested in rendering everything to perfection. Im trying to figure out how to texture hair/skin/clothes in ways that make them feel like the materials they are while also showing the energy of my brushstrokes.

I dont zoom in while i paint btw. everything i do is zoomed out so i can see the entire drawing. it helps me not tight up my strokes while also letting me build up all areas of the painting equally. the only time i zoom in is when im lining out the eyes/mouth of a character. and yeah. it drives me insane doing this because ITS SOOOOO Tempting to obsess over paint 1 area forever then zoom out and see that nothing matches lol

The other thing about my style of painting. Is that im not gonna use the exact same formula for every piece. like this isnt cell shading. you can have an idea of how to texture skin/clothes/hair and sometimes it looks great and beautiful in one painting and then it looks like shit in another. ive overhauled a lot of paintings multiple times because what i thought would work doesnt and ive had to force myself to explore and play with my brushstrokes. and you know? i wouldnt have it any other way. it means none of my paintings are gonna look alike! and i think thats pretty cool :D

ill leave you with this in the end. a painting im in the middle of doing and debating to overhaul cause im just not feeling the strokes. who knows what ill look like in the end

anyways i hope this helped a little? even if you look at all this and go. IM NEVER GONNA DRAW LIKE THIS BOZO ahahah

BUT I WISH YOU LUCK ON YOUR OWN ARTS :DDDD